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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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AITA for telling my sister that I didn't find her instagram post funny and that I didn't want her to send me things like that again?

I (32f) have never had a good relationship with my sister (34f). We have gotten somewhat better over time, but we have always had a strained relationship. We are about as opposite as you can be. Social rights issues? No compromise. ACAB? Constant disagreements. Politics: best never mention them. TV Shows? No interest at all. Music? We cannot stand each other's music. We genuinely have nothing except our blood and the fact we were raised by the same people in common.

I am currently in the process of finishing my PhD and live on a different continent to her. We have been vaguely trying to talk and maintain a cordial friendship from afar.

For the past four months I had been preparing for a conference that I was organizing, leading, and moderating. It was a massive project that will be a huge part of my dissertation research, and it went very well. The day after the conference I had a long career planning discussion with some academic advisors, and spent about three hours talking in my second language with my own advisor. The combination of everything left me genuinely exhausted to the point that I woke up the day after it all still too tired to move.

After I woke up, I realized I had a text from her containing an instagram link - no comment, no notes, no context, just the link. I know I wasn't in a perfect headspace and still needed more sleep, but I clicked it because usually she just spam sends me instagram videos about random baby rearing things she finds funny. I don't find any of them amusing, but tolerate them because she seems to enjoy it. I usually just nod my head or offer a few responses to show I've seen it and move on.

But this video was different. This video was, as far as I can tell, an influencer attempt at selling an AI. It had a young woman walk into a classroom with the onscreen text describing how "my professor is the same age as us and she has her phd!" and when she was asked how she got it, the video shows how the "teacher" went onto Youtube, put Youtube videos into this AI which created an algorithm to summarize the video. It ends with the words "University is a joke in 2024".

I was....genuinely offended. After everything I had been through working on this conference and with years of thesis work, I was just hurt. I watched it a few times, trying to understand what it was even trying to say, and could come up with no good reason for why she would just send it to me. So I wrote back to her "idk how you even want me to respond."

She said she thought it was funny, and I asked her if she understood why I wouldn't find it funny. She wrote back "because you lack my sense of humor smh." I tried explaining why I was upset and reframed it in the context of her job. She doubled down that she thought it was funny, but that it was because she thought it was amusing anyone would think they could get any kind of degree like that.

I explained that AI is genuinely a problem in universities right now and that our students are using it to get through their classes and it's causing a lot of chaos with profs trying to crack down on it. Then I told her it felt like she sent me something just to annoy me.

The argument continued from there. I asked her not to send me stuff like that again, and she asked how she was supposed to know I would be triggered by an AI video, and that I was being oversensitive, and how it was my fault for always assuming that she is plotting to piss me off and that she can never show an interest in my life without me having a "feelings dumpfest" and calling her out for being a bully.

I don't understand how she could think sending a video to me saying "university is a joke in 2024" with no context at all would be taken as a joke in the first place. And I felt like if I didn't tell her I didn't like this kind of video and why it made me upset she would keep sending things like this to me I'd have to keep seeing and ignoring future posts.

AITA for telling her I didn't think it was funny and to stop?

Should I have just ignored it and gone back to sleep? (At this point that's what I felt like I should have done...)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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youraverageaemondsimp · 3 months

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Eyes of Emerald Green // Vampire!Alys Rivers x Targaryen!Reader

MDNI, DD:DNE(?)

Summary: the woman who once plagued your dream while you were young, reappears.

WARNINGS: slight dubcon, age gap, sexual tension, masturbation, oral (both f), wlw relationship, vampire x human, blood drinking, cunnilingus, blood kink, tiddy sucking, face sitting, canon divergence, breeding kink(?) idk, multiple orgasms. + not proofread

WC: 3.4k

A/N: THE LONG AWAITED FIC LMAO, I've been teasing this since Halloween October 2023 💀💀💀 and now it's finally here 😳❗// divider creds to @cafekitsune

“Spare no man, woman, child or any bastard!” You commanded the guards who were capturing and killing the members of the house strong, this was not your original plan, but after hearing what had happened to king's landing, you vented your frustration on the house you despised the most, house strong.

Recapturing harrenhal was your brother's idea, you simply led the army, yet the city of kings landing was soon attacked, and when you had heard of it, you were stricken with rage.

The sounds of metal clinking, flesh being cut through was like a pleasant lullaby to your ears, you felt a sick sense of accomplishment even though the city had faced a big loss.

You were participating in the massacre too, stabbing the bodies of the members over and over again, covered in their blood, your hair matted as the blood dried up, yet you still did not stop.

But then suddenly you felt a shiver run up your spine and you spun around to see a woman, who appeared to be youthful, standing there in her maids robes, something about her drew you in, and you gasped when you made eye contact.

Emerald green eyes that seemed to piece through your soul, you suddenly felt vulnerable as if she could see through you and you remained frozen in place as you stared at her, you noted how you oddly felt a sense of familiarity with her.

Her eyes reminded you of the woman who appeared in your dreams a few years ago. You remember going to sleep that night and woke up with the feeling of something heavy sitting in your chest and opened your eyes to see the emerald green irises staring at you, you remember not being able to scream, and watched as she bared her fangs before biting down on your neck, you quickly woke up terrified and screamed, the servants immediately rushed in hearing the noise, you had tried telling them what happened and they simply dismissed it as a nightmare.

Those very same eyes were staring at you right now, as you massacred the house she probably served or belonged to.

Yet she did not look scared, but rather a sick expression of relief was on her face, almost as if she was expecting this to happen, as if she knew– that this would happen. You went towards her direction and stopped in front of her, she didn't budge, but merely stared, the blood that had stuck to your armour and hair did not scare her away, but instead, her breathing picked up, almost as if she was sniffing at the stench.

“You– who are you?” You asked and she smiled, “I had expected your arrival, my princess.” she did not answer your question but just stated what she wanted to and you raised an eyebrow, grip tightening on the sword, “And how exactly?” You asked and her eyes drifted to your sword for a moment before she made eye contact with you again, “I saw it in my dreams, my visions.” she replied.

“I hope that in your vision you had also foreseen your death, it would make it less shocking for what I am gonna do to you.” You reply sternly, beginning to shift to a more offensive position, ready to attack her but she just chuckled, “You wouldn't hurt me.” She said confidently and you scoffed, “And how exactly did you come to the conclusion that I would spare you?” You question, “Because princess, nobody knows you as well as I do, after all we've met before.” You just roll your eyes and grab her by the throat, but she doesn't struggle, “You want to be the queen.” the words that leave her mouth makes you halt and you immediately let go of her, eyes wide in shock. “You are but a mere third daughter of King Viserys, much more dutiful than your half sister and your elder brother, you are supporting him for the sake of blood, but deep down, you want the iron throne for yourself, don't you?” She speaks and you remain speechless, wondering how she knows everything. “And your younger brother, is now prince regent, though he was born after you, he was still given preference over you to rule as a regent, even as a kinslayer, he is sitting on the throne in your elder brother's stead. Is that not unfair? Had you not done more than him? Especially being a woman?” You continue to remain silent as she speaks, and how correct she is, “I can help you.” She says and you look at her, “My visions will be of use to you, which is the exact reason you will be sparing me.” She finishes talking and by the end of it, it felt as if you had fallen into her carefully woven trap. You thought about it for a mere moment, you could just kill her and be done with it, fight your own battles, but when has anyone conquered their own selfishness, and just like that, you had accepted her help.

“What is your name?” You asked her and she smiled, “Alys rivers.”

Just like that she was spared.

The news had reached King's Landing, where Aemond was ruling as a regent, he successfully managed to seize the throne back to him and executed all of the black's spies in the city, and regained full control over it.

“Harrenhal has now successfully been recaptured by the princess Y/N, though when she had heard of what happened to the city, she was enraged and directed that anger towards the House Strong, she had successfully eliminated the house, no woman, no bastard, no child was to be spared, except only one was spared, a bastard and a wet nurse called Alys Rivers, it seemed that the princess had taken a liking to her.”

Aemond read the letter of report, eyebrows furrowed, he knew how you would be in anger, impulsive and quick, so he was surprised when he heard that you spared someone, but did not think much of it, he came to the conclusion that though your tastes were different, you deserved to have your own spoil of war, so he did not question anything, and allowed you to be as you are.

Meanwhile, as the days passed, you and alys had gotten closer, she told you everything she saw in her visions and you figured how accurate she was, it seemed as though she was given the sight to see into the future.

You sat in your chair, dipping the quill into the ink before writing it down on the parchment paper, writing down reports of the nearby area, trying to note of any suspicious behaviour to immediately correct until your eye landed on a specific report, “Man found dead at the shore of the God's eye river, there were two bite marks on multiple parts of his body, and his flesh was torn as if though he had been ripped apart by a wild beast.” You furrowed your brows, could this be a result of a beast attack? If so, you have to hunt it down before there are any more victims.

Just then the door opened and you saw Alys, who was now walking towards you, holding a tray of tea cups and, “You had been working since the morrow, I had bought some tea.” she placed it down on the table, and you could help but take note of her attire, a low cut neckline, that almost spilled her breasts outside when she leaned down, you cleared your throat and nodded.

It seemed as if she was trying to do that on purpose.

Things quickly moved, and as months passed by, the blacks had slowly lost the war and the news of Aegon's passing had reached your ear, and though you were sad that you had lost a brother, the line to the iron throne cleared by itself, and you felt a sick sense of satisfaction.

As the situation remained stagnant for a while, you had began your search into the beast that was attacking many people, the victims had increased from when you last heard the report, and what you found odd was how whenever you'd ask Alys for the help in this matter, she would avoid it, or not give proper answers.

And so you decided to confirm your suspicions which were gnawing at your gut as you began to place the pieces together and called her to your chambers in the middle of the night.

Which you should've realised was a bad idea.

“You have summoned me? My princess?” She asked, and you rubbed your thighs together, trying to ignore the sense of arousal that was beginning to drip from you whenever you would see her, “Hm? Yes, I wanted to ask you something.” You thickened your voice.

“I have noticed your behaviour whenever I would bring up the beast attackings, you know something don't you?” You question and she remains silent, “No answer, hm.”

“Alys,, do you know a few years ago, I dreamt of a woman with eyes just like yours? Resembling emerald stones, and she was on top of me and bit down into me” you began to tell her randomly and you noticed how her expression changed slightly.

Right on the target.

“And I remember you saying that you had known me, though I thought it was because of your visions, I soon began to put everything together.” You continued.

“You are the beast in question right? The one that sucks blood for living?” You accuse and she swallows thickly, “Do not lie to me, Alys.” You command and she sighs before quickly accepting the accusation. “Yes, it is me, what am I meant to do? It is the only way I can feed myself, normal food makes me want to vomit.” Her tone changes.

“Why not animal blood?” You question and she rolls her eyes, “It isn't as tasty.” she simply says and you are in disbelief, “If you wanna drink from humans, at least don't kill them, do you not have witchful powers? Why not erase their memory?” You suggest, trying to help her out because you did not want to resort to killing immediately, after all, she did help you in a lot of things.

“If I was capable then I would've done it, there is no other way, and it seems I'd have to kill you too now, I cannot let my secret get out, what a shame, I liked you.” She says and comes closer to you, “Why would I tell anyone?” You question and she stops, confused. “It isn't beneficial to me with you gone, I just wanted you to stop killing that's all.” You tell her and she smirks, “So you're not going to be telling anyone?” she asks and you nod, “It would mean loss for me.” You tell her and she bursts out laughing and you stare at her confused.

“My lady, I knew you were always so interesting and unique, but this was far behind my expectations.” She says and comes closer to you, you take a few steps back before the back of your knees hit your bed, causing you to stumble and sit on it.

You stare at Alys as she looks at you from above and you felt as if your bad dream was coming true, her hands trail towards your neck and to the back of your head before she yanks your head backwards by your hair, exposing your neck. You breath heavily as you stare at her and she slowly bares her fags before biting down onto your neck and you gasp, gripping her shoulders, trying to push her away.

She sucks on your blood for a bit before pulling away and you stare at her wide eyed, her fangs now completely out as your blood drips from the side of her mouth. Her pupils look dilated, she wipes away the blood from the back of her hand and pushes you onto the bed completely.

“Alys– I command you to–”

“Hush princess, we both know that you want this. You think I haven't noticed the way you squirm in my presence? Your skirts don't do a good job at hiding the way you rub your thighs.” She shushes you, you stare at her bewildered. She places one knee onto the bed before slowly climbing it, you try to scurry back but she pulls you by your thigh and yanks you closer towards her, now she is face to face with you. Her arms placed on either side of you, trapping you in between her as she leaned further in before she captured your lips with her own.

Heat bloomed through your cheeks as she kissed you, she swiped her tongue on your bottom lip asking for entrance to which you allowed her, she wasted no time before pushing her tongue inside your mouth, intertwining it with your own.

You cringed at the metallic taste of your blood from before, but you didn't pull away and began kissing her back, she moaned into the kiss when she felt you reciprocating her actions, she pulled away and took deep breaths.

“You're so fucking pretty princess.” She kissed your cheek before trailing downwards to your neck and licked the spot which she had bit before and pressed a kiss to it, before going further down and pressing a kiss to your collarbone.

“I know what you want, princess.” She undid the front lace of your gown and slowly pushed it down your shoulders, her eyes darkened as more of your body was revealed to her, she licked her lips at the sight of your breasts as she pulled your gown further down. You lifted your hips and helped her pull it off from you completely.

“Or should I say, My Queen?” You freeze at those words and you immediately stare at her face in shock, “That's treason.” You retort but she smirks, she caresses your cheek with her thumb before she brings it to your lips, pressing gently. “What's treason is your thought of usurping your own brother.” You gulp as she reveals what she knew and you remain silent, not denying it or agreeing with it. She tilts your head upwards before pressing her lips to yours once again.

The kiss gets heated once again, you tug at her gown, indicating that you want her to take it off but she pulls away and pushes your hand away gently, “Uh uh.” she says, denying you. You furrow your brows and are about to say something but you aren't able to get anything out when you feel her cup your cunt.

You watch her shift, travelling downwards your body and stare as she forces your legs wide open. Your heart begins to speed up, anticipation killing you while you observe her.

She presses a kiss to your inner thigh and without a warning, her mouth is latched on to your count which causes you to fall backwards in pleasure. She wastes no time and makes swift strokes with her tongue against your clit, you moan and whimper at her abuse to your cunt, your hand flies to grip her hair when you feel her bite you slightly, you push your hips forward while holding down her face to your cunt. Her arms around your thighs and she slightly lips your hips off the mattress.

Her tongue prods at your entrance and your eyes widen you feel her push it inside you, her nose nuzzling against your clit, she begins to bob her head in and out, fucking you with her tongue. She licks one long stripe up your cunt and latches herself onto your clit again and suckles on it.

This causes heat to bloom in your lower abdomen, making you gasp her name as you feel every inch of your body twitch in pleasure as your high hits you. You ride your orgasm out on her face and she slowly pulls away. Her lips were coated with your essence and she licks it all up, which further arouses you.

You watch through hooded eyes as she kisses up your stomach and stops in between your breasts, she presses a small kiss to the flesh of teat, and soon she's suckling on your nipple like a babe while staring at you.

You could do nothing but just observe, too caught up in the pleasure, you caress her hair which causes her to smirk as she lets go of your breast with a wet pop. She quickly bites down on the flesh of your breast, sinking her fangs in and sucking the blood out.

You grunt in pain but couldn't help but enjoy the slight pleasure you're getting from it. It feels comparable to when you scratch an itch. You breath heavily and you begin to feel light headed as your body finally registering the loss of blood you're experiencing, you slowly begin to lose consciousness but you are pulled away from it with a harsh slap to your cheek, making you come back to your senses as the adrenaline rushes to your brain.

You noticed that she was no longer drinking blood, but was removing her garments, undoing her clothes until she's bare just like you. Your eyes widened at the sight of her body, her pale body seemed to glow on its own.

You try to get up to feel her body but she pushes you down and shifts positions to where she's hovering above your face, you lick your lips staring at her cunt. She holds your head by your forehead before slowly descending down onto your mouth and you immediately welcome her clasping onto her.

She gasps as you work your tongue against her cunt, “Good girl.” She praises you and you clench your thighs at the praise, aroused by it. It doesn't go unnoticed by her as she chuckles.

“Who knew that the future queen gets aroused at merely being called a good girl?” She ponders mockingly and you freeze at what she had revealed. “Why did you stop?” She begins grinding herself against your face. “Is it because I had revealed that you'd be the future queen?” She asks and you wrap your arms around her thighs as a way to say yes.

“Hmm.. Yes, I'll only reveal more if you put your tongue to work.”

You did not need to hear more and you immediately began putting your tongue to work, flicking it up and down against her clit before sucking on it, the act is making you aroused yourself so you unwrap one of your hands from her thigh and take it down to your cunt, rubbing on the clitoris.

“I've seen it in my dreams.” She begins, slowly humping against your face, “You, donning the conqueror's crown, seated on the iron throne.” you imagined it and that only got you more aroused, you pushed a finger inside your cunt and began to pump it, in and out.

Alys whimpered when you clamped down on her clit, desperately sucking on it. “Yours will be the song of ice and fire.” She tells you and your eyes widen, at the very same moment she reaches her peak and finishes with a loud moan, you peak simultaneously as well.

She rides out her peak but all you can think about was what she had revealed, you felt elevated, combined with everything, you felt as though you were floating.

You watch as she gets off your face and sits next to you, you still lay there, processing and imagining it, “Will you be by my side?” You ask her, before slowing getting up, hair dishevelled as her juices coated your chin.

“Of course, who would father your children then?” Her words make you furrow your brows, “How? We're both women? that sounds illogical.” You try to reason and she smirks, “Do not fret about these things, I have my ways to do it.” She tells you and you nod, brushing it off.

You've seen many things that didn't make sense, having a child with her may as well be possible.

You knew whatever Alys had said would come true, and they did all come true, though it cost your brother's life, you did not feel an ounce of guilt as you slayed him with your own hands, deeming you a kinslayer, though the curse did not matter to you, cause you would be the ruler of the seven kingdoms for ages to come.

— ! ݈݇- thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed it <3 comments and reblogs are appreciated greatly ♡

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kpop-with-mars · 6 months

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|Ateez X Trans (Ftm) Reader|

{disclaimer; I dont own any gifs used, this is also inspired by @kittensyoonie and their ateez x trans reader so please check them out as well~.}

{Summary: Ateezs reactions to learning that your trans/you coming out to them.}

{Tags; fluff, angst, hurt comfort, just having a silly old time (mostly),}

{⚠Warnings⚠; I haven't had top surgery or any other forms of gender affirming medical care so some things might be wrong. this also might not relate to every trans person so im sorry T^T. Also look out for misgendering, dead naming, transphobia,}

{ Hi guyss I haven't been writing alot cuz I have so many drafts and i've been working on NONE of them T^T, but don't worry I will post them soon once finished. i've got some goodies in the vault so please look forward to them. alot of these scenarios might be pretty dramatic so sorry ✌ but without farther ado you can read now. Enjoy! maybe? idk its up to you - 🃏}

Hongjoong

You were with him on vlive for your 1 year anniversary of being together so you both read atinys questions and blocked disrespectful ones.

hongjoong attached himself on your arm while you read. "Do you look at other idols?!" you read in shock, hongjoong looked directly at you menacingly. you looked away from him "no~" you answered tucking hair behind your ear.

"You better not" he kissed your cheek making you giggle while hongjoong looked at the other questions until he found one.

"Is y/n transgender?".

hongjoong stared curiously at you "yes, im transgender" as soon as you said that, the viewers and comments spiked upward.

"Im so proud of you for coming out, ill always support you" he gave you a gentle peck on your lips before he turned to the camera.

"Atiny, lets all show our support for y/n okay?. if I see anything that doesn't i won't stand for that, this is a space for everyone so lets make it feel like it" he smiled at the camera when he finished.

You both read more questions and felt thankful for the support from atinys, eventually the camera was turned off and when it did, you and him were getting ready for bed when he pulled you into his chest "I can't believe you came out like that, you didn't feel pressured into it right? " he gently stroked your hair.

"I never thought i could do that, but ever since i met you i've felt more like me" he hummed in response before he put his hand on your cheek lifting up your face "I love you~" he cooed "I love you too" he chuckled at your shyness and he hugged your head to his chest.

Seonghwa

You were at home recovering from your top surgery, you felt like tired didn't wanna move from your bed while you hugged your pillow to your chest, until you finally decided to get up and eat.

But as you walked into the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast you heard the front door unlock. you looked at the door wondering if this is the day you die until it opened to seonghwas smiling face.

"Hi honey" he walked up to you and kissed your forehead before he looked you up and down "Did you just wake up?" "No i woke up an hour and a half ago, i just got out of bed tho" he brought his hands up to your face and turned it from side to side "Did you eat yet?" you shook your head "good thing I got you some food" he handed you the food, which you ate in minutes after seonghwa guided the two of you to the table.

"Are you alright y/n?, you seem tired did you get enough sleep?" he bombarded you with questions while rubbing your back. "I feel fine, maybe just about sluggish" "I know im busy alot, but i just wanna know if something happened while I was away, please?" he moved his hand from your back to your free hand.

You decided to tell him "im sorry I didn't tell you sooner but, I got top surgery" seonghwa looked into your eyes waiting for you to explain "because im transgender" you added.

"That's cool, im glad you're okay" he smiled brightly you responed by giving his lips a gentle peck "I love you" you said making eye contact with him "I love you too, my handsome man".

Yunho

You and yunho were looking at pictures from his childhood while he told the stories behind them, alot of them making you laugh.

He was flipping though more photos when he paused "what?, what is it?" you asked him and he turned his head to you. "I don't think i've seen your baby photos before, have i?" he tilted his head to the side with curiosity in his eyes.

You didn't know what to tell him other then lying "Well i- um" you stammered "You're not embarrassed about them, right?." yunho asked when he noticed how anxious you were getting.

"Yeah, a little bit" you took a deep breath, you pulled out you're phone and showed him a picture of you as a kid. he looked at for a moment then smiled "I don't see any problem with it" yunho said with confusion.

You scrolled through your phone until you found one from prom, and you showed it to yunho. He took in the photo he was seeing before he responed "Oh, oh, you looked..." he had an awkward smile on his face "What" you asked knowing exactly what he was gonna say, until he said something you haven't heard.

"You just don't look happy in that picture, and i don't like it" he put his hand on your back. "I like who you are now because I know that you're happier this way" yunho wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into one of his special hugs.

You would cry but yunho made you too happy to, that's what you loved most about him, and that's what he loves most about you.

Yeosang

You and yeosang started working out together, nothing more sexy then seeing a muscle-y yeosang with an extra shine on his skin.

After more grueling exercise the two of you were taking a break and eating lunch together. "t-that was...alot to say the lest" he wiped sweat from his forehead with a rag and drank his shake.

"Yeah, I think im all worked out for the day" you smiled at him, mean while your sleeveless shirt puffed out and yeosang couldn't help but look "woah-" he admired your toned arms and chest, making you straighten yourself up and cross your arms over your chest.

"It's no secret your totally hot, even with scars" he laughed "Wait what scars??" yeosang made a confused face "the ones on your chest?"

"What- I don't-" "but you do?" he was getting concerned about the way you were suddenly so defensive. "Are you getting self conscious about yourself?-" "no it's just-" you felt you'd just ruined this nice day working out with yeosang by making him upset.

Yeosang came up to you and held your hand "What's wrong honey?" he asked in a sweet but worried tone making your heart sting a bit. but that made you realize this was stupid to keep from him.

"Those scars on my chest..." he looked intently at you "they're from top surgery... im transgender" yeosang pulled you into a hug while he stroked your muscles "that's nice. Im glad you're happy with who you are" he looked at you and gave your lips a quick kiss "and with me~"

You and him laughed about it and continued on with lunch "oh y/n!, can I see your abs again?...please?" his confidence faded to embarrassment when he asked, this caught you off guard but this was at KQ's gym after all, might as well give him some fan service.

"Sure" you lifted up your tank top for him, making him choke on his food for a second. you asking if he's okay until he answered "im fine...but not as fine as you~" you laughed at yeosang's cheesy pick up line and enjoyed the rest of the day with your boyfriend.

San

San was having the best day of his life when you came out wearing some of his clothes, the way his clothes looked so baggy on you made him feel like he had to protect you at any cost.

"Cute~" was the only thing he could say in awe as he stared at you, you gave him a little spin "All of your stuff is so comfy~ it was hard to choose which to wear" you went up to him and threw your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

He pet your hair lightly "ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy" he stroked your cheek and kissed your forehead. "Are you ready now?" you nodded your head and san began to walk you through the bouncy choreography.

The two of you were having a fun time and laughed whenever you made a mistake, or when he did. he was showing you how to go down for the chorus. "Then we do that for one, two, three, four. got it?" he demonstrated for you while he spoke "yeah I think so" san nodded then played it for you.

You started going down with the beats while san counted. but even though the shirt you were wearing provided some good ventilation, it was going down your chest more and more with each move.

"Oh-" san laughed out and paused the music. you laughed too with him and the shirt was falling off, revealing most of your chest. san noticed this and smirked when he walked toward you then noticed your scars. "What are those?" he pointed to your chest and you looked down.

"Oh" you pulled up your shirt "those are top surgery scars" san nodded then he suddenly got a look of surprise on his face "you're transgender!?" you put a thumbs up and smiled "Ooo that's cool, like pungja right? but just the other way around?" You nodded.

San picked you up in his arms and lifted you "no wonder you have such a feminine body" he teased you and ruffled your hair "That's why I kinda like wearing your clothes, they're good at hiding it when I want to" you giggled he squeezed you tightly.

"Well like I said, ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy~" he kissed your cheek and put you down. "Alright now since you wanna know how, let me show you right now~".

Mingi

Mingi had took you with him and the members while touring around, he really needed cuddles after performing his heart out and you were his stress reliever.

He walked into the hotel room and you were on your phone and he went straight to the shower after greeting you, having been covered in sweat while you waited quietly for him on the bed.

He came out of the bathroom with his pajamas on and his hair wet. you opened your arms out to him "come here princess~" you understood how tired he was and he flopped down on your side, his head on your shoulder as his hands moved around your body.

He was obviously much taller then you but he felt so small hugging your body. "I love you~" you told him and kissed his forehead while your hand held the back of his head. "I love-" mingi froze when his hand reached a small long bump on your chest, his sleepy eyes widened a bit.

You chuckled lightly at his reaction and you held his cheeks "those are just scars. im transgender, I used to be a woman so I got surgery to get a flat chest" you explained and he nodded "That's cool~ are you happy?" he asked in a deep sleepy voice. "Of course I am. im even more happy with myself after I met you~" you kissed him lightly on the lips.

He gave you his gummy smile and he cuddled you closer to your body, laying his head against your collarbone. you turned your body to him and wrapped your arms around his head and back.

"I love you" his voice was muffled against your chest. "I love you too princess~" he smiled and you turned the lamp off and the two of you fell asleep. your princess finally getting the sleep he needed while knowing you're happy.

Wooyoung

"Come on babe!, let's go to the beach-each what they gonna say~" you heard him sing from down the hall while you were getting ready. you and wooyoung decided to go on a beach date when he had a break from promoting, and now that day was here.

You hurriedly searched for a swim shirt of any kind but to your dismay you couldn't find one. "im coming!" you threw on a shirt and run out the door with wooyoung.

At the beach you and wooyoung ate lunch that the two of you prepared together, after wooyoung finished he threw his shirt off and on your towels and booked it to the water, "Come on y/n!, let's cool off!" He yelled for you when he was in the water.

You grimaced nervously and walked over to the shore, you sat down and brought your legs to your chest. you felt the water lightly brush your feet. wooyoung raised his eyebrow at you "is something wrong babe?" he was confused by your actions.

"N-No.." you denied, but you knew wooyoung would keep pressing you til you dropped dead so you stood up and took your shirt off. you stepped into the water near wooyoung.

"See~, its not so-" he noticed your scars. "Babe?!, did something attack you in the water??. Is that why you were nervous?" he quickly stepped up to you and took your hands.

You chuckled lightly "No... im just transgender" you smile feeling your unease drip away. "Oh, well of course that's alright dummy" he hit your shoulder lightly. "I love you~" he said in a cheesy tone. "I love you too~"

He pecked your lips "I've never actually been to the beach without a shirt on sense surgery, i just get kinda nervous you know?" you admitted while the two of you were in calif deep in the water.

He smiled sweetly "I understand but lets not worry~. I promised to give you some of my confidence when we started dating..." he took a short pause to look in your eyes before he gave you a big smile "so come on lets go have fun!" He dragged you further into the water while the two of you laughed.

Jongho

A sudden knock interrupted your thoughts while in a cracked voice you said "Come in". the door opened to jongho's handsome face making you straighten up and try to make it look like you weren't crying.

"I was told you weren't feeling alright" he explained himself and sat next to you giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he looked at you with pleading eyes.

He held your hand in his squeezing it gently until you gave in and started tearing up again, "If -i was different back when I was younger, would you still love me?" he stayed silent allowing you to continue. "I know I shouldn't care what people think, but i don't feel like ill be- anything to anyone, really. I hate how people looked at me---and still look at me---especially because I knew what they were thinking"

you took in some more fresh air and wiped some tears before jongho spoke "Why would people ever judge you?". you responded "because I didn't want to be what they wanted" he thought on that for a moment before he asked another "What did they want you to be?" his voice held nothing gentleness and compassion, instantly you felt safer.

"A girl they could control" you put your face on his shoulder and lightly sobbed, jongho wrapped his arms around you and helped control your breathing. he held you in his warm chest for awhile, until you pulled away.

"You don't have to deal with this alone, okay?... I'm sorry you didn't feel safe telling me before but," he paused for a minute and held out his pinky "Let's get through this together now, promise" you let out a light chuckle and interlocked pinkies with him.

His arms snaked around you while you held him tightly hoping to never release, jongho turned your head to him and he gave you a kiss you'd been dieing to get. his lips fit onto yours like a puzzle piece, and like a puzzle you were complete.

{Hi guyss~, I sadly couldn't finish my hongjoong x trans reader one shot I was writing for his birthday so ill be working on it and ill post it when its done or just work on some other fics, speaking of them ill probably do some sort of poll or vote for these other fics I really wanna write so that I know what y'all will wanna see next~~. I got inspired by @kittensyoonie I read their ateez x trans reader thing and I was inspired by them to write this. So thank you to them and also read theirs!. - 🃏}

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alexthesillybilly · 23 days

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I've seen some people portray Springtrap as being totally unconscious through all the 30 years in the room and like....its ur choice but cmon.... The isolation induced insanity from being conscious the while time is the best part 😔😔😔

Like I feel like maybe for the first few months he was completely out and unconscious and then he woke up completely disoriented. And then throughout the years occasionally he'd fall into these nearly comatose states where he was technically conscious but he was so dissociated from reality that he couldn't move or have any linear thoughts so he'd basically spend months in sleep paralysis.

Like there'd be months where he'd be

-unable to move

-EXTREMELY tired but unable to sleep

-hallucinating and having major delusions

-unable to discern what's real and what's just his own thoughts

-basically in that state when you're falling asleep where you're kinda fading in and out of dreams and you aren't sure what actually happened

Idk I love playing around with what his mental state would've been like in those years

#springtrap #fnaf #fnaf 3 #girl talk #character analysis #dead flowers fic #five nights at freddy's #my hcs :3

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ionfusionpunk · 1 year

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hello, what’s this about awake craniotomies and clone chip removal? (I don’t follow you, I just saw your note in the reblogs and went “oooo this seems interesting!”)

Heyo! Of all the things I've commented on a post, I think this is exactly the one I expected to hear about the least lolol. I'm warning you, this is... a long post. It got away from me, I'm so sorry T-T (It's heckin long. I'm really sorry. I'll summarize at the top and you can read more beneath the break if you want.)

Long story short, I hyper fixated on this tiny little detail that really doesn't actually affect anything within the SW universe lmao.

TL;DR: The clones should be awake for their chip removal procedures with the exception of extenuating circumstances. Also, disclaimer, I'm not in the medical field, I just love research. If I get anything wrong, anyone is free to correct me :)

If you have any questions, please ask, I'm not very good at explaining things in way others understand at first. So it all makes sense to me, but you might not follow my leaps in logic 😅

Longer story: I was reading a fic this morning, and the clones involved got their chip removed. The text said something about 'waiting for them to wake up from the surgery', and it just kinda... idk, hit me that I have never ever read any fic where the clone doesn't have to wake up from being completely sedated for brain surgery.

Now, look. Write what you wanna write, like I said, it's not a big thing. But one of my neurodivergent quirks is that inaccuracy/misinformation/ignorance (willful or innocent) kinda bugs me? I like knowing that other people know things - know correct things. It brings me satisfaction and helps me sleep at night. So I kinda notice trends in what people seem to not/know.

My first thought when I realized the trend of complete sedation for brain surgery/chip removal led to me to draw two conclusions: a) As happens in fandom, most everyone just writes clones completely sedated for this procedure bc everyone else does. No biggie. It's easier, and again, doesn't really matter. b) Most everyone is working off misinformation pulled from inaccurate medical dramas and the assumptions made by the average fic writer. Again, not an issue. It's fiction. I just like... accuracy. So my brain took this and went ham.

Kay. So, there's this really cool thing about the brain that I'm starting to think isn't common knowledge? I'm kinda a nerd for weird medical things, and it's been a long time since my high school biology class where I first learned about this, so maybe it's just me. The brain doesn't have any pain receptors. None. Like, if you had just a living brain in the palm of your hand and you stabbed it or punched it or whatever, it wouldn't feel pain. Pressure maybe, since it still has touch receptors, but no pain whatsoever. The only pain receptors present around the vicinity of the brain are the ones around the brain.

This little fact led to a really cool and helpful medical advancement several years ago: this thing called awake craniotomies, or brain surgery where the patient is still conscious. The benefit is that it allows the surgical team to engage the patient and actively monitor cognitive function; this is a far step from waiting for the patient to wake up in order to determine if the surgeon done effed up and turned the patient into a vegetable - if they woke up at all, that is.

Originally this was practiced on epileptic patients bc, yanno, epilepsy. It's a really finicky condition, after all. Since then however we've managed to find other treatment options for epilepsy and other related conditions, so awake craniotomies (or conscious craniotomies as I call them, since it alliterates lol), so we've moved away from brain surgery there. Instead, awake craniotomies are now most often performed when removing or recessing a brain tumor. Again, it's a really finicky process, and the surgeon and their team really like being able to check on the patient during the whole process.

Before anyone freaks out about the pain receptors around the brain, there's an answer for that, too. A local anesthetic is used to completely numb the skull and scalp. Think of an epidural; it's the same idea.

Now, you may ask, how this all relates back to SW? Well, that's a great question lmaoooo. Now, in all of canon SW, there are only... seven (maybe eight) instances of a clone getting their chip removed. Tup, Fives, Rex, Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, and Omega (and Crosshair if his chip actually was removed like he said, I haven't watched TBBS2 yet). Actually, did Kix? I don't remember. Anyway.

I'm operating off the assumption that SW medical knowledge/tech is about equal to our own - i.e. that they still use many of the same procedures/practices/techniques for most things bar canonical exceptions. My friend in the server however pointed out that they weren't sure any clone medic could perform a complex brain surgery. Now, that's a fair point. The Kaminoans wouldn't care to teach the medics how to perform those surgeries on each other; they're products, they can be replaced, so what's the point?

But. Here are my counterpoints to that.

First. In the event of an emergency, it would only make sense that a clone medic be prepared to perform any sort of necessary procedure on a natborn officer or even their Jedi general/commander in the event they could not make it to a medical station or a proper surgeon in time. If there were natborn medics trained in complicated procedures and stationed on the ships, then there's always the chance there would be far more clone medics than them, and thus if they die, the clone medics would need to be able to step up in their place. So. Clone medics can probably perform brain surgery.

Second. With Fives, Rex, and CF99 (minus Crosshair), they remove their chips via surgical droid/machine. In fact, both Rex and CF99 do so on a GAR class ship. This shows that not only did the clones have access to the necessary technology, but it could also be easily operated. And not only that, but the only thing they needed was a program to locate and remove the chip. I think the importance of the program is that the machine itself can't perform a Level 5 Atomic Scan, so the program is needed to triangulate the position of the chip for the surgical machine itself.

Now. As to why an awake craniotomy is the way to go. Again, it allows the team to actively monitor cognitive function. Only in extenuating circumstances will the patient be completely sedated. This could be preference on the patient's part or due to certain circumstances.

Look at Tup, for example. His chip was rotting in his skull, and it's treated like a tumor (technically it is). Keeping him awake risked damage to himself and others. In light of this, it was safer for him to remain fully sedated. Additionally, he probably couldn't be revived completely either due to the already existent brain damage. This is an extenuating circumstance. Note however that there was still a qualified individual present for the surgery: the AZI droid maybe Nale Se, maybe Fives, I legit don't remember I'm so sorry). Now, there is another side to Tup's case: the Kaminoans. Nale Se wouldn't have cared for Tup's continued functionality; she only wanted his chip. She would have kept him sedated out of convenience, because the intent was always to have him decommissioned anyway.

Now for Fives. Fives learned about the chips. He had his removed. Who helped him? AZI. However, my theory here is that it isn't actually AZI performing the surgeries. I think he just... holds the programs for various surgeries and programs the surgical machine. We don't see anything of Fives' actual chip removal procedure, only the aftermath. I hypothesize that Fives was awake in the machine however, just properly anesthetized by AZI - who, as a medical assistant droid, would most likely be programmed as an anesthesiologist - and also observed by AZI. What I'm saying is that AZI probably was monitoring Fives' cognitive functions while he underwent an awake craniotomy to remove the chip in his head.

Rex. We know nothing about that procedure, just that it happened (unless we do, idk). Either another clone medic helped him and was there to monitor cognitive function, or Rex involved the help of another droid in order to be properly anesthetized for the process. Given the intense nature of the circumstances, he wouldn't have wanted to be fully sedated for the process in case he had to respond quickly to the chaos - which he did, leading ultimately to him and Ahsoka escaping with their lives. So, he wouldn't have been monitored (except maybe by a droid), but he definitely wouldn't have been fully sedated, either.

Then for CF99. For these procedures, we see Tech program the machine and then stand watch as they go in. They aren't sedated, with the technical exception of Wrecker (iirc, he was stunned unconscious). It's not just caution or paranoia that makes him observe, and not even just his knowledge of what's happening: it's procedure. He's there, as the only one who would know how to check, monitoring the cognitive function of his family.

Now, the conclusion, lol.

I mentioned my two hypotheses earlier about why fandom as a whole writes the clones being completely sedated. After going through all of this, I'm leaning more towards a simple abundance of misinformation. It's technically and tactically safer and more correct for the clones to be awake for their chip removals, and in fact seems to be subtly portrayed in canon (though it's really written in a way that can be interpreted either way).

The moral of this story is that TV medical dramas are shit and should never be taken at face value. Honestly. No one wakes up after CPR. They remain unconscious for a while. Defibrillation doesn't wake a person up, either. If you're hit hard enough to be knocked unconscious, you have a concussion. It takes seven minutes to kill a person by choking them, not seven seconds, but you can make them pass out in seven seconds if you apply pressure to the write spots on their neck in order to cut blood flow to the brain. Stuff like that. Oh, and yeah: awake craniotomies are a thing and are the safe way to remove a clone's chip.

#welcome to my ted talk #star wars #the clone wars #clone chip removal #awake craniotomies #info dump #meta #medical innaccuracies #fanfiction #misinformation #my interpretations of a very niche thing that everyone can absolutely ignore #asks #answers #asks and answers #asks are answered #now i'm rambling again oh stars please make me stop

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leonsleftbicep · 23 days

Text

II Heat Cycle - pt:2 kinda?

this has been marinating for a bit and I've been in a big writing mood recently. so, enjoy.

pt1: here

word count: 930

cw/tw: heat cycles, emetophobia, crying, the vessels aren't really human, polyvessels, they/them for III, it/its/they/them for Vessel, fluff? hurt/comfort? idk hes just in pain ig.

first bit is me trying to understand how im going to write about this

They all knew II hated his heat. To the point that when he first transformed into a Vessel, he cried all those first days. He didn't let anyone touch him but Vessel. he would cry and cry, not listening to any of them for help. just falling into the idea that he will just cry it away, till he passes out from exertion.

—

IV the day before immediately knew what was coming, and from the past years of being with all of them. He knew he needed to start making II's nest. IV made sure the fairy lights work, and planned on taking II out to get him his favorite foods.

III made sure they had a wide array of pain meds and herbal remedies for some of the heat symptoms. hoping that this time IV or them will actually be able to help, but they knew it was a slim chance with how newly turned IV was.

II was in a pre-heat-haze. not knowing he had less than 24 hours till he would be in that excruciating pain and discomfort. He did his normal work around the house, with a slight shake here and there. went out to the shops with IV because he wanted to pick up some of II’s favorite foods and drinks. Which II didn’t even think as suspicious with the fact that he almost seems too laid back today.

III had dinner cooked, and welcomed II with a big hug when he and IV came home. Vessel met them all in the kitchen; they all didn’t like having a dining room and enjoyed standing and eating, more than sitting and getting fidgety.

Vessel volunteered itself to sleep in II’s bed while IV and III took to the main room.

—

It wasn't long after II and Vessel woke up when II started to whine and shiver. his tail curled around his thighs to keep them closed, as he cuddled up to Vessel. “hurts” II groans his skin damp already, his brows furrowed as he starts to weep.

Vessel instinctively texted III a simple text of “meds now” before they kissed II's forehead and held him. the strong pheromones making vessel purr absentmindedly. vessel pulled up II’s hair in a bun; knowing he most of the time had to vomit an hour or so after taking the herbs. II usually feels better after that.

III walked in quickly with a wooden shot glass of their usual herbal remedy, that III knew would have to be made again. a bit differently an hour or so after seeing II’s state after the first dose. III let out a huff as their tail flicked from the pheromones. III leaves the room after kissing II’s forehead and petting his hair. Which made II groan as more tears flowed down his cheeks.

—

after II drank the medicine he was sated for at least thirty minutes, before he scurried out of bed to the bathroom. Beginning to hurl up his dinner from last night. The studio was connected to the room II had to stay in, by a bathroom. which allowed IV hear the sound of II losing his dinner which made him worried.

he opened the door and was hit with a waft of pheromones, “II.. you smell, really good” he said incredibly surprised. II’s head was just in the toilet as he finally calmed down his stomach, “Ivy, I love you. but this isn’t the best time” II says as he sniffles a bit.

Vessel walks in and sits next to II on the floor, Vessel rubs at II’s back to calm him a bit “IV, you need to stay in the other room, you don’t have a tolerance yet” Vessel huffs out as IV sits down in the doorway.

“But I want to help. maybe being around him while he's like, This. Will help my tolerance.” IV states as he watches II wipe away tears and his mouth off with some tissue. Vessel and II sit and think for a moment, exchanging a long glance “it might work, that's kinda what we did with III” vessel says as he rubs II’s hips. II just wipes his tears again “i need IVy and III” II says in a pitiful manner. his strong stoic demeanor ripped away to expose a soft and sensitive interior of a man in pain. “love, i.. i don't know if we ca-“ Vessel was cut off " I can be good. I can support II and not get handsy. He Needs Me.” IV say’s defensively. Vessel shut his mouth and nodded.

—

IV picks up II after he was finished in the bathroom. the three of them make their way to the main bedroom where III already sat in a hoodie and shorts. “oh?” III breathes as they sees all three of them. “Ivy made the decision that he needs to build up a tolerance, and II said he wants all of us” Vessel explains, it is also worried about all of this. IV sets II in bed where he immediately cuddles up to III like a needy cat. the pheromones were getting increasingly prominent, which was affecting IV but he was not going to show it.

Once all cuddled up to them, II relaxes as Vessel lays on top of him and he has III and IV on either side of him. Both III and IV have their faces in II’s neck just so they can enjoy the lovely scent of his pheromones. they all start to purr as they start to fall asleep.

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luckywolfsbane · 5 months

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*hugs you if that's ok rn and if it's not then making comfort food and sitting u on the couch. we're either gonna watch a movie or play mariokart or smth*

how're u feeling rn?

I'm... I'm okay. It took me a bit. Apparently, I've been phased out for at least the last week, probably longer. A lot of recent events are fuzzy as all hell. I simply know they happened, but not really what happened during them. The closest I had to being conscious this last week was when Bella passed. That was... not easy. I was awake for the moments we were at the vet. I can remember it in graphic detail, but the ride to and from, as well as the rest of the day, is one painful blur of fuzzy, nearly blacked out images.

I do this sometimes. It's like my brain, somewhere along the line, decides to occasionally take my real personality and about 3/4 of my consciousness and just check them out for a bit. I did it most as a kid. I'm missing one *full* year when I was 6 to 7. Then there were chunks where I got my hair cut, then went to sleep and woke up with it long again bc I essentially blurred the days and went through months on autopilot.

Anyway. Idk what finally flipped the last switch this time, exactly. I took a wrong turn and woke up to a pocket of rage in my chest in the middle of driving home. I slammed on the brakes at the first stop sign and had a bit of a moment, but I'm fully conscious again.

I got home, and my dad looked up at me, his eyes opened wide, and he said it was nice to see the real me back with them. Apparently, whatever mask I'd been wearing had deteriorated to the point that it was essentially someone else. A bit of a surprise, honestly. He rarely notices when I phase out. It must have been really bad.

But yeah. I'm back! I'm frustrated at myself for failing, but I try again next Monday, and nothing is going to stop me. I know what I did wrong. I'm going to correct those mistakes. If I don’t pass, then I'm not done learning. Simple.

As for going through my page, you're always welcome to! I use consistent tags on 90% of my original posts. If you're looking for anything that might have a tag like that, you should be able to search for it!

I love "spam-liking." It makes me feel like I'm doing something right. I got to wake up to multiple notes from you, and I'd be lying through my teeth if I said they didn't help me get out of bed today.

Thank you for the smile, Illeg. You truly are a marvel 💛💛💛💛💛💛

#achievement unlocked: ask box #illeg!!!#tw: mental health #i'm okay #i'm not my best yet #but im okay

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berrymoos · 2 years

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I think my ask the other day was sacrificed to the Tumblr gods and I have school in the morning so have this little thought

Also alluding to major spoilers for ST V2

Steve's first experience with age regression and caregiving was definitely when Dustin regressed after a nightmare (maybe or maybe not involving eddie) and called him dada bc he was very small and scared :((

Steve's unknown protective caregiver mode kicked in and he just went along with it because Dustin obviously needed the comfort and who's Steve to deny it to his little brother in all but blood \(°- °)/

While Steve's first experience with regressing himself, Robin had bought him a gag gift of a winnie the pooh stuffed animal and he was ecstatic about it /pos

Nancy who was jonnys cg at times immediately knew what was going on and helped him when he begged her to open it and she obliged, how could she not?

After Steve went to sleep cuddled up to winnie, Nancy decided to explain what was going on and that's how they found out robin was a regressor too!

hngehgheh maybe it did get sacrificed to the tumblr gods bc i cant find it in my inbox >:~[ hate when that happens!! but i hope your school year goes well, aiden!! i don't start until after labor day, but im pretty sure i have 2 orientations to go to before that time 💔

sorry this was so delayed btw, i've been pretty drained with lack of sleep & other summer things, not to mention this concept got SUPER long

something about these two events makes me think they happened in like the span of a few weeks maybe? hekdjwodksk idk why??

like ,, steve & dustin had been having a sleepover (rlly less a sleepover more of a "we fell asleep during our movie marathon" moment) when dustin is startled awake in the middle of the night by a nightmare. The Nightmare – the one about that night, after a certain someone ... you know :(

it's particularly scary in this case bc he woke up in the dark on a couch, in a place that wasn't home; even with that nightmare, being at home & able to instantly recognize where he was, able to snatch a comfort item in a blink offered some instant comfort, especially with a rapidly regressing brain. not being at home adds more of a scare, regardless if he actually knows the place (steve's house)

the exact moment he starts whimpering upon getting greeted with darkness (the thing he was in) & then full on crying, unable to properly see exactly where he was, something in steve’s slumber begins to feel wrong. he stirs to hear sniffling coming from where dustin had been sleeping. he's got a knack for knowing in his gut when one of his friends are crying, especially the kids

"dustin?" he mumbles, already getting up to go to him, but dustin kicks off his blankets as best he can to get to him first, but he ends up getting tangled so he can't – no no NO the bats got him he's gonna get EATEN – now crying audibly & reaching out frantically for him. steve, naturally being concerned, is now even more concerned for him, but when he untangles dustin from the mess of blankets & the kid crashes into his arms, sobbing "dada...!" over & over again into his chest, every part of him SCREAMS oh my god, he cannot let him out of his sight for the rest of the night

steve sits there for as long as it takes to calm dustin, rocking the sobbing little guy back & forth in his lap, messing with his curls to ground him until his cries tamper off into simple sniffles & hiccups. he asks, in a gentle (bordering on parental) voice if he wants to talk about it, but when dustin responds with a low whine, steve doesn’t press. instead, he carries him to the kitchen (given dustin refuses to let him go no matter what) & offers him a bottle of water: “don't drink too fast, mkay?”

dustin proceeds to drink too fast even with steve's hand partially keeping it steady, choking a little on the water

“that's exactly why, buddy.”

dustin looks at him – god, the look in his eyes is so innocent. “so’hy dada...”

steve smiles; if had any doubts about what dustin called him before, they're all gone now. he definitely called him dada. “it's alright. just drink a little slower.”

he spends the next hour getting dustin to relax by taking him to his room to playing numerous made-up games (ranging from peek-a-boo to some kind of tickle game he made up on the spot), indulging in junk food, & continuing their movie night (but forgoing any horror movies). dustin gets fussy when he starts getting sleepy, afraid of another nightmare, but steve brings him close to his chest, bounces him on his knee, & plays with his hair – in minutes, dustin's snoozing peacefully on his lap with two fingers lodged in his mouth

as cute as it is, steve can't help but wonder: what was that all about?

come the next morning & dustin is so embarrassed – like more than he's ever been in his entire life. literally the moment he wakes up & notices steve is up as well he's LAUNCHING into this apology, how he didn't mean for any of that to happen, how he knows steve isn't his dad but in the moment with his scrambled & terrified brain it just slipped and he'll never do it again, god he's so weird–

“dustin! dustin, it's fine! i'm not mad or anything, i promise.”

“you're– you're not?”

“no, ’course not, dude. i'm just ... a little confused about what happened last night.”

brief relief washes over him. thank god he's not mad. “okay. okay, cool ... great.”

dustin tells steve about everything that went on that night over some breakfast he made, but dustin is more playing with his food than anything; steve already said he wasn't mad about it, but will that hold up after he tells him about how this isn't his first time feeling small & how it's formally called age regression? will he still like him after it all?

"oh. okay."

"...okay...?"

"yeah. okay. you said it helps you deal with ... what happened, right? that it's a reaction your brain has when things are too much?"

"mhm."

"then why wouldn't it be okay? a lot of shit has happened and after so much of it, your brain kinda..." steve makes this whistling sound as he dives his finger toward the table, then an exploding sound when it hits. "so it's just trying to protect y- dustin? you okay?"

he asks bc dustin is crying over his plate of uneaten breakfast & that cg surge from last night comes back, though not as strong as before. he's ready to hop up from his chair to comfort him, but: "th-thanks, steve. you're- i love you, man."

steve smiles gently & takes his hand in his. "i love you, too. now eat your breakfast, i slaved over that stove for you and my hard work is getting cold!"

for about two weeks, steve & dustin are like even tighter than before with their new dynamic: dustin feels small, he walkies steve, steve comes over, & they take it from there. all is well, really! nothing too out of the norm, but steve learns some things abt this little guy in the process – like how he loves stuffing foreign objects in his MOUTH, dustin you canNOT eat this WATCH

of course, things are relative in the norm – yknow, baby dustin / cg steve – until steve is presented with a winnie the pooh stuffie from robin when he visits her & nancy three weeks after dustin's nightmare, & this sudden yet pleasant fuzzy feeling washes over him the MOMENT he sees the cute little tail sticking out of the wrapping paper. he knows INSTANTLY what the gift is bc he was like, the BIGGEST winnie the pooh fan when he was little (& actually still is 👀), so he doesn't even have to see the whole gift – he just knows

he's so excited he can't even get the wrapping paper off, it keeps slipping thro his butterfingers 😭😭 "nancyyy!! nancy nancy nancy nancy!!! need help!! help help help, p’ease!!", bouncing on the balls of his feet & wiggling like a little worm AUGH ╥﹏╥ nancy is MELTING on the spot as she goes "i got it. bud, give it here." & opens it for him - IMMEDIATELY steve grabs it & tugs nance & robin along to play with his new toy ,, robin is a little bit confused bc ?? what's up with her best friend?? he doesnt usually act like this?? but she never ever judges him – that's not who she is!! in fact she might've played a little harder with him than nancy did 🤭 not that that was a problem, bc nancy was sitting there monitoring the two of them, soft around the edges thinking about how similar little steve is to jonny ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

& when steve starts drifting off to sleep & nancy tucks him (and winnie, ofc <3) into bed, robin's earlier confusion comes back

"hey, nance? uh ... what was that? not that i'm gonna judge or anything like that! i'm just ... a little confused? i've never seen him act like that..."

"oh! it's called age regression. kind of like when the mind reverts to a simpler stage in life for one reason or another. usually it's because of trauma, but other times it's for stress and whatnot."

reverts back to a simpler stage because of trauma or stress... "nancy...?"

"yea, rob?"

"can people .. regress just for fun, too?"

"i'm pretty sure they can."

oh.

is that the fuzzy feelings that comes to her when she passes the care bear stuffies at the store or sees one of their movies at work?

is that why she gets so giggly at simple things like watching dogs play fetch at the park or going up high on the swings?

that ... has to be why she feels much smaller than normal when she has a doctor's appointment & cries more freely when she has to get a shot, right?

that's ... the same feeling she kind of felt while she was playing with steve.

"robin? are you okay?"

"oh– yeah, just .. figured out a few things about myself, that's all."

even though she's not very explicit about what she means, when she meets nancy's eyes, it's clear that she understands by the way she smiles

& in that hour or so later, after steve wakes up, out of his newfound headspace and finds robin & nancy chilling in the living room, talking amongst themselves, winnie still in his arms, nancy is prepared to talk to steve about what just happened - like homegirl has a speech at the ready

"hey, steve?"

"hey, nancy."

"you're probably really confused on what just happened-"

"mh, no. not really. age regression."

well. her speech is thrown out the window instantly 💀 she spent that entire hour practicing with robin & he just. already knows?

"wh–? you already know? you've regressed before?"

that night with dustin – and all of the days following it – come barreling into steve's mind. a fond feeling softens his heart

"yeah. a friend told me about it."

#WOOO it's FINISHED!!!#little dustin cg steve <3 i literally never see little dustin ever :((#and cg nancy / little steve robin & jonny!!! aughkdh my heart is full #🧸．berry n friends <3 #aiden-angel friend <3 #stranger things agere #fandom agere #sfw agere #agere asks #agere concept

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beesinspades · 7 months

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I got the booster almost a week ago and I still feel like absolute garbage trying to convince my stupid health anxiety that I'm not dying

got it on saturday, no side effects. sunday afternoon, only a very light headache. but then on monday morning I woke up and had numbness in my left arm and leg. I tried not to freak out because it happened to me last year because of stress except this time I wasn't stressed. didn't go away on tuesday. then on wednesday I went to the doctor for something else and also asked about it. she's sending me to a neurologist next week and the same evening I had a brain scan done just in case, waiting for results. up until then it was just the numbness. but then after that appointment of course i started getting worse anxiety over all this (up until then I was a little stressed but keeping it fairly under control) which as you know makes everything worse. since yesterday thursday i've been feeling worse. the numbness is always worse in the morning when I wake up, and then it gets better throughout the day. yesterday I managed to distract myself most of the day but also despite sleeping well I felt tired enough by 10:30am that I took a nap until noon, and at some point I felt unwell out of nowhere which set off my anxiety really bad. then it got better by the end of the day and I went to bed. I woke up at 2am to go to the toilet and felt absolutely horrible. I felt like I was low-key gonna pass out which again set off my anxiety and made the pressure on my upper chest so much worse, it took a while to calm it down. I thought I was gonna die. then I managed to fall asleep again and now I feel much better than earlier but I do feel a bit unwell still. maybe itll be a bit better after breakfast (though anxiety makes it harder to eat, I lose my appetite) I don't know if it's all the stress or if it's linked to whatever is wrong with me aka the numbness. which is thankfully not getting worse but is still there. this is the fucking worst I don't know what to do. every time I feel the slightest off thing in my body my anxiety latches on it

idk maybe it's not the booster but the timing is too perfect. this numbness thing is not unheard of but also it seems those it happened to had it much worse. either way I hate not knowing what's wrong. I think I'll go back to the doctor today if I can and if not I'm ready to go to the ER for the first time in my life which is terrifying and I'm afraid of being told it's just anxiety

oh also as a note a couple of days before the booster I had blood tests done and they all came out normal except for two small vitamin deficiencies that I'm now taking supplements for so idk idk

#bee rants #fun times!!!!#needless to say i havent gotten any writing done #i only manage to draw because it doesnt require the same kind of focua

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whatudowhennooneseesyou · 1 year

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Hello!

I've risen from the dead lmfao Life was extremely hectic lately but I'm back!

How have you been? I'll send later my replies to the last replies 💕

In the meantime I would love to hear all of your stories to be honest but to start maybe the story of how you almost lost your virginity twice?

Also option a and b made my blood boil to the max 🙃

-🐇

Baby!! You're back! I'm glad you're doing so well! I hope you're happy and healthy!

I'm doing okay, I finished my last class ever and I graduate from uni in March so I'm just focused on working, resting and getting my health back together.

I wish I could say option a & b happened only that time but they haven't, it's happened more times after haha.

Okay! Story time.

The first time happened when I was 17 and it was with one of my close guy friends at the time.

I was having a sleepover at his house and we were sleeping in the same bed (as we had numerous times before).

He was really upset the day because he had just found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him and he broke up with her.

While we were in bed, he asked if he could hold me because he just wanted to feel better to which I said yeah, of course.

He started rubbing my back and hips and I turned around and said 'do you want too?' and I told him I was a virgin and he was like 'are you sure you want to do this?' and I trusted him at the time, we were really close and I felt really safe around him because we had been friends for years.

His mum was asleep in the other room so we had to be really quiet and I remember we quickly got our clothes off.

I remember him being really gentle and he was softly kissing my neck and chest and as things were about to move forward.

He couldn't get it up, he just couldn't get hard and I tried to help him and nothing worked because he just was too upset and sad over the break-up.

So I said well let's stop and we got our clothes back on and then we just fell asleep.

I woke up to find that half-way, he had woken up and gone to sleep out on the couch for the rest of the night.

And I remember waking up in the empty bed and thinking:

'This must be what one-night-stands feel like'.

And that was the moment I realised I could never do one-night-stands.

He stopped speaking to me after that and at the time, I thought it was because I wasn't physically attractive enough for him but now that I'm older, I could see he was probably embarrassed.

The Second Time:

The second time happened when I was 21 with a guy I met from uni, we were friends for a couple of months before he asked me out on a date and I said yes.

I remember he took me out to Mexican and we went out for a festival in the city, I'm 24 and I haven't been on an official date since with him.

Anyway, about a month in to us dating, I went over to his house.

I travelled 3 hours to meet him at his house and I remember I dressed up all pretty for him, I wore a navy blue babydoll dress with frangipani flowers on it.

When I went to his house, he had made me a batch of brownies which I thought (and still think) was really cute.

We had the whole entire house to ourselves and we started making out and he took me to his bedroom and we were both virgins at the time, I still am but idk if he is.

This was our 4th date together and at the time, I felt safe with him and I just really wanted to experience what sex was like and I did feel emotionally connected to him and I trusted him in the moment.

And things started to get heated and we were both undressed and as we were about to do the devil's tango.

He couldn't get it up, he was too nervous and again, I tried to help him but nothing was happening.

He kept trying to reassure me that it wasn't me, that he was too nervous, he didn't know why nothing was happening and again, I said it was all fine and we stopped.

I have to say though, he was really giving and gentle with his touches and words (both times were like that) and I think if everything went well, I wouldn't have regretted it both times.

He stopped talking to me after and 7 days later, he ended it.

He had some shitty excuse about how he thought we weren't emotionally compatible and that we could still be friends 🙄.

Now that I have a better perspective, he was also too embarrassed that he couldn't perform and he just found it too awkward to speak for me again.

I haven't spoken to him since and that was 3 years ago.

And that was the last romantic encounter I've had thus far, I haven't kissed anyone else since that moment.

I just hope my technique works and I won't be an awful kisser for the next person, it's been awhile 🤣🤣.

I have asked out guys since that encounter but all have rejected my offer, the last guy I asked out was in January and since then I've completely stopped.

I haven't even developed a crush or an infatuation with anyone since January.

Oh fuck, it was so awkward.

The last time I asked a dude out and got rejected:

He was also a friend I had known for about 3 years and we had a few classes together at uni.

We reunited at a bar with other people in December of last year and we had great banter and a connection and at the end of the night, he hugged me and said that he found me interesting.

So me thinking, okay there's something here, the week after I was like 'Hey, do you want to meet up for lunch, just one on one?' to which he said yes.

So, the day off. I also got dressed up for him, I wore a dress with stockings and boots and wore my expensive perfume.

We had lunch and again, the connection was great.

So, at the end of the lunch, I said 'Oh, do you mind if I grab your number and we could talk more?'

To which he said, 'Ahh. To be honest Ruby, I just don't find you attractive in 'that way'.

And I responded 'Oh, in what way?'

And then he said 'Oh, I think you're pretty, I just don't find you attractive like how partners would feel towards each other'.

To which then I figured out that he was saying he wasn't sexually attracted toward me without saying he was sexually attracted towards me.

And then a month later, I was invited to a party and he was there.

And he was just flirting all over this girl and hugging her and dancing with her.

Which I mean, yeah it kinda hurt but I was talking to other people and having fun.

And I didn't get drunk but this girl got absolutely smashed, like she was slurring her speech and ended up throwing up over the balcony.

And after this happened, I was smoking a cigarette and he walked over to me and I was like 'Oh, how come you're here?' to which he responded,

'Oh the other girl I was talking too got really drunk and I can't speak to her properly and you're not drunk so I thought maybe I just start talking to you.'

And that immediately turned me off him because I just felt like I was a back-up and second-best.

And then a month after that, they started dating.

Idk if they're still dating now, I haven't spoken to him since then. (Bro, I'm watching Bang Chan's live and I'm pretty sure he pretended to kiss our forehead.)

I feel that last encounter just really did it for me, there's only so many rejections that you take before you just give up.

And it's hard because I just don't know why opportunities for romantic relationships haven't entered my life.

Like, men just haven't wanted to be in a relationship with me and you can't even say 'oh, you just need to put yourself out there' because clearly I have.

And I mean, it's been 3 years since that last encounter and I haven't kissed anyone, I haven't received any offers that I've rejected and no one has shown any romantic interest in me.

And I just wish I knew what it is I'm lacking so I can improve myself and grow as a person in that area.

@muselin @cherry-0420 what do you think about this?

#🐇 anon #slumber party with ruby #whatudowhennooneseesyou anon asks #whatudowhennooneseesyou hard hours #pardon for the long length but I like detail #ateez hard hours #kpop smut #stray kids hard hours

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protokirby · 1 year

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I slept for 18 hours. A complete mystery how I'm able to remember the time I went to sleep with how otherwise disastrous my memory span is. Anyhoo, there's this thing that occasionally happens. Whenever I sleep, I always have my sleep disturbed somehow. I constantly wake up. That's probably why I'm always tired enough to go back to sleep all the way to the 24 hour mark sometimes, or one of the reasons. So yeah about the thing that occasionally happens... Sometimes during the times I'm awake for a few seconds before going back to sleep, the previous dream will give me a number to think in my head to continue the dream when I'm back to sleep. That sounds borderline supernatural or somethin- Though like- I remember one time, rather than think the number I was given, I had awake-enough thoughts that I was able to instead think "No way. I want to see Hop" and then Hop was in my dream after I was asleep in the next few seconds. Or at least I think it was Hop that time. I don't know if I'm remembering for sure. I'm most often too half asleep to go against the number I'm given but I want to try and learn to ignore the number and think of a character. I'll basically have a cheat to dream of whatever character I want if I become able to pull this off, assuming I can have an awake-enough thought. I totally would have wanted to see Leon instead of Hop and I remember when I woke up from the dream I basically chose to have, I had been questioning my choices in like a "I should have asked for Leon instead. I don't see him enough" kind of way.

Okay now... I'm going to talk about something that might confirm my status as a crazy person but idk. I'm just talking about weird experiences relating to dreams. Leon has not been appearing in my dreams nearly as much as he used to. It's been a few years, but I remember the exact moment he started appearing less. It was one night my sister was really keen on making sure I didn't get a good night of sleep. Before she had a mini house built in order to desperately get her away from everyone. So anyway, she kept randomly screaming because of dumb reasons like- idk she was out of underwear or something. The random "karen screeches" while everyone else was asleep was miserable. I was dreaming of Leon a bunch that night but unfortunately kept being interrupted by physical pain to my ears that just remembering is making fatigue pain hit the underside of my eyes. After a certain number of times of being woken up, I had this weird experience that felt so real I'm still questioning it. I was in my room with a realistic amount of darkness for the time of night it was. My eyes were realistically adjusted to the amount of darkness they would have been then. I could see sort of well, but I saw some figure standing over me and I heard Leon's voice, specifically the one from Pokemon Masters, call out and say "Why do you keep disappearing?" as in referring to why I keep waking up. I kept disappearing during the adventure we were having. Except I also had a realistic response to an unexpected entity in my room and kicked him in the face before I could comprehend who I was seeing. Then he vanished into thin air like a ghost or something and I went into another dream. And from that moment on, I haven't been seeing Leon in dreams as much. As if I scared him or something. Something that needs to be understood in order to further know why I'm blaming this moment, the strength in my legs are dangerous. I have accidentally put holes in the wall on several occasions by swinging my legs around. Yes, yes, you can call me a crazy person for thinking I scared Leon away from my dreams. I'm questioning my own sanity. Honestly, I keep praying that I'm able to remember to apologize to him during the rare times I do see him, but I've never been able to remember to do that and this whole ordeal keeps affecting my mental health in ways it shouldn't. Like- I feel like a monster because I feel so bad about what I did??? But it was a dream??? That happened a few years ago??? Anyway, I keep trying to find ways to increase my chances of seeing Leon in my dreams in order to increase my chances of apologizing to him. If anyone knows any like- hypnotism or whatever, I'm willing to try whatever agrees with my moral standards.

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governmentcoverups · 2 years

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Season 4 vol 2 spoilers kinda (random thoughts or things that happened idk read if your bored.)

So what duffers, you were just queerbaiting all along? The parallels, the byler evidence, all of it for nothing? Before volume 2 I had no doubt about byler and I 100% thought it was gonna be cannon but the love confession threw me off and I'm in tears rn, byler has been one of my #1 ships since last year. I can't imagine how other bylers feel who have been in the fandom since the beginning of the show. The 210+ page slides of byler? Mike pinning, the Mike voice, 'crazy together', Everything just for it to be nothing?

I don't understand, I had so much hope and I wasn't prepared for that scene. I went in there thinking Mike couldn't say it. What throws me off is how Mike says he loved el since they first met, but then Mike pushed el away because he thought she lied about finding will at the quarry. Also heros playing during that one song line when hugging his mom?

Obviously there's a theory about Mike only liking El when she looks like a boy but idk. Bylers, do not lose hope, maybe there's a ton of proof in season 4.

Atleast we got half host will in Hawkins. That to me makes me a bit happy. It disappointed me though, I feel like it was an average season, not really that dark to me like the duffers were saying. Also will didn't come out. We were left on the weirdest cliff hanger.

Did you see how the romantic pairings were at the end when el is picking up the dead flower? J0pp3r, byler and j4ncy, idk could be a coincidence because I don't really believe in those pairing things that much.

It's disappointing to me how I woke up early yesterday morning due to a family matter and couldn't go back to sleep and I'm still not the tiniest bit tired - I've been up for like 24 hours.

Poor Eddie, atleast he died a hero. I think max is gonna be okay because everyone else who was put into a coma was okay, like Henry and if I remember correctly El was put into one too.

Around 2:58-59am before stranger things me and my friend were up waiting for it over text and I said I was having hiccups because I was and she had them too and right at 3am they stopped, that was weird. tell me If you had them too so like we know the duffers sold their soul or sum - im jk but the hiccup thing is weird.

Also I was crying over the love confession when my cat started to meow and I was like whatt? Because I thought she needed food or something and no, there was a frog and it was wet and it basically came out of the middle of nowhere, I'm not joking.

The way Mike didn't notice will was basically sobbing when he gave the painting - why not comfort your friend or ask why he's crying, or did he understand? Jonathan definitely understood and why bring up the Lego thing to talk about it?

Also Jason is just deed now? He got ripped apart by the gate😗✌

I really want will to be a villain now, from how obvious his feelings are and how heartbroken he was in s3 and like tryna hide it or sum in s4(honestly I saw him being a shipper but I didn't think it was gonna be like that) he deserves his actual villain arc but I don't think we'll get it since nothing good ever happens for us. And plus the timing is probably gonna skip like a week or so because of the big gate around Hawkins unless nothing happens but vecnas gonna strike again.

Also am I the only person missing how El brought Max back to life? Also what's with her now? The new her is cool and stuff but kinda scares me cause idk what she's doing. Go girlboss😘

Thanks Noah for trolling, we were rooting for you anyways

I think im gonna take a shower from all the stuff on my long sleeves and I might wash clothes to wear my sweet silk pjs. Wish you bylers luck. Thanks for coming to my (i hope your enjoying your chicken) ted talk.

#stranger things 4 #byler #byler tumblr #brainrot #random thoughts #straight from the heart #will byers #will byers villain arc #host will byers #cause i said so #wish yall fellow bylers luck for season 5

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hermioneismyrealname · 1 year

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Tomorrow (20221215) I have day one of my finals. It's maths.

Mood? Sleepy. Haven't slept in 2 days.

Reason? The last 6 hours I got, I woke up from a dream clawing at my arm and neck because I thought I was 8 again and what happened to me was happening again. SO SLEEP CAN GO FUCK ITSELF!

But after 11 am tomorrow, I will chugg 750ml of black coffee and sleep for 12 hours and start the marathon for biology (20221219), physics (20221221) and chemistry (20221222). Coffee stops me from dreaming.

Preparation? Maths can go to hell.

I've studied and I'm gonna study some more but once the paper is in front of me, the war begins against my brain as I try and pry the knowledge out from the anxiety filled trenches of my frontal lobe.

My body? My chest hurts like fuck.

I keep forgetting to breathe while I'm studying I don't know why. Also doesnt help that my glasses broke and I can't see shit so I'm hunched over my desk like a prawn and have my legs folded cause I'm gay af and can't sit on a chair straight by law.

Emotions? Currently numb.

I know this is going to change when I sit down in the exam hall. I'm just mentally drained. My sources of dopamine that I allow myself is this hellsite (affectionate), some one-shot fluff fics, writing drabbles and learning languages.

My goal? Do my best.

Imma be honest. I feel OK about what I know and I know I can do it, it's just my brain being an ass about it. That sack of flesh tells me to break my ankles for the heck of it, why should I listen to it?

Outcome? To feel proud enough so I don't feel guilty.

I feel guilty a lot. Survivors guilt and mommy issues. I overwork to overachive. I lay down on my bed and feel guilty i havent done enough when i just finished a 6 hour study session. Do more, my brain yells at me. So if I can come out of this like I did what I could, feeling less guilty, I'll be happy.

What do I want to do for the holidays?

Exam first and then think about holidays. But

I want to watch

Between Us (2022) ep 6 and 7

My 12 percent

Not me

Romantic Killer

Blood C

I spit on your grave

Goblin

Maybe rewatch Banana Fish

Space balls

I want to write

My drabbles

That Vegaspete fanfic I've been planning for a while now

That Sapphic story skeleton (idea struck me and I want to post it to *gags**barf**spits* wattpad

Begin copywriting because I'm a broke college student

I want to read

A curse so Dark and Lonely

And like the cycle of the year, we begin again (because it's my Christmas tradition)

Art of war

Maybe the wicked king, idk

I want to play

Minecraft

Potion craft: alchemy simulator

I want to learn languages

Japanese

Thai

Russian

Korean

Welsh

Latin

I want to random research

Anything

And then fritz case

I want to sleep.

I want to practice my forms in self defense. (Im probably shit by now)

I want to go rock climbing.

I want to go for a walk.

I want to talk to my friends and my crush that I've been ignoring for my exams, but like face to face, and give them a big ol hug even though I give really awkward hugs.

I want to eat broccoli and bread.

Didn't I mention sleep?

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nathank77 · 30 days

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4/1/24

2:18 a.m Updated/Edited/Added to

So I struggled to fall asleep last night. I took my half at 5 a.m and I still wasn't asleep by like 7:23 a.m so I ended up taking a Benadryl bc I had my eyes closed for over 30 minutes and I just didn't fall asleep. This is two nights in a row I had to mix Benadryl in to fall asleep well sorta. Last night I absolutely did.

The night before that, I snored myself awake. I tried to fall back to sleep and I ended up taking a Benadryl. I haven't touched hydroxyzine though either night. I had to use Benadryl half way through the night when I woke up like 3-4 hours later.

I'm worried the half is losing effectiveness. Yet I started Coq10 the day I snored myself awake.. I did technically fall asleep without the Benadryl but Coq10 can cause insomnia. I don't really think it is...

That night I snored myself awake I was stressed about going to Katie. Last night I really wasn't stressed as I absolved myself from it by writing it out and remembering my true intentions.

Another consideration is I've been on methimazole every other day for at least a week now. My resting heart rate was around 85. Now it's 64... idk... all i know is my appetite is picking up and I'm using the bathroom a little bit more.

I'm still getting cold... idk if I'm normal or going hyper. I won't find out until the 16th. I got to monitor my heart rate and I have more metoprolol, my doctor perscribed me 50mg instead of 100 of succinate incase I go back to hyper... so that could be throwing me off.

Idk what normal feels like. I know what hyper does. And I don't think I'm very hyper if I am. I kinda know what hypo feels like. I was def falling asleep faster when I was hypo...

So all of this can be playing a role. I hate that my thyroid is an experiment right now.. I'm glad I scheduled it for the 16th instead of the 23rd.

I am worried about tepezza still. It can cause autophony, tinnitus and significant hearing loss.

I did a full std panel as it's been over a year since Katie. Everything came back negative. I mean the lot. I got tested for even hepatitis all of them. Syphilis. Hiv. Etc.

Although tbh I have herpes simplex 1. Aka I've had a cold sore before. I've had like 4-6 throughout my life. She did the blood test for herpes 1 and 2... my herpes 1 came back as equivocal. Meaning neither the absence or presence. And my herpes simplex 2 came back positive in the low index category at a 1.6....

I've never had symptoms... the problem with this test is it's got a 1 in 2 chance of being a false positive. Aka 1 in 2 people will have a false positive.

As it only picks up the herpes virus and doesn't distinguish between hsv1 or hsv2.

I forgot to mention to my doctor I have had cold sores... it's factual I have hsv1...

I'm not concerned, as the false positive rate between 1.10 and 3.0 is very high. If I was over 3 it's has a 90% accuracy rate. Under 3 especially under 2 and closer to 1, it's very inaccurate.

I got a 1.6, 1 in 2 tests are a false positive. They discorage doctors from doing the test for a reason unless the person has symptoms and I never have.

The issue with this test is in order to be certain they have to order an inhibitor test to inhibit hsv2.. and if that comes back positive you have asymptomatic hsv2.

Incase Elise is reading this I want this out in the open. I do not have hsv2. I'm going to ask for the inhibitor test in May for my next appt to keep it on the down low, I don't want the office staff thinking I have genital herpes.

If i knew how inaccurate it was I wouldn't have done it. Basically the test only looks for the herpes virus and can't distinguish between hsv1 or hsv2.

Getting equivocal on hsv1... and knowing I've had cold sores is an almost guarantee the hsv1 test didn't pick it up bc it was an inadequate sample. While the hsv2 picked it up bc it can't distinguish between the two.

My lab results say it very well can be a false positive and I need the inhibitor test to confirm as my index is low...

Tbh I'm not anxious about it at all. I know bc it can't distinguish between the two, it picked up that I infact do have the herpes virus but it's hsv1 aka cold sores. Mouth herpes. I'm not anxious, I know I'm right bc of my research.

Of course I'm worried that Elise would be hesitant to be with me, if she loved me if I did the inhibitor test and it came back positive. I'd never lie. Just bc I am asymptomatic doesn't mean my next partner will be. However I know bc of my research it's a false positive. And my hsv1 test was a false negative for sure.

With that being said of course I'm worried about the stigma and if it was a real positive that no one would be with me. Despite this I know it's a false positive and I'll stick the course and get the inhibitor test.

I've never had symptoms, that does not mean you can't have it. However I've thought long and hard about who I have had genital to genital contact with.

It's been like 2 people. I've had a decent amount of oral sex in the past but I was like between 14-18.

Genital to genital, it was seriously two people.

I truly don't think I have it. I think I have a false positive that picked up the hsv1 virus...

If I did the inhibitor test, and found out I had both I'd write that here as I'd never try to pull the wool over someone's eyes, as me being asymptomatic doesn't mean the other person will be....

Either way I know in my heart it's hsv1 cause of my past symptoms and I read the research.

Despite this, if Elise does love me, I want her to know there is a chance I'm an asymptomatic carrier. Although I feel it's a 3% chance given they can't distinguish between hsv1 and hsv2 without the inhibitor.

If my test results read that they used the inhibitor, I would feel very differently but Quest is saying don't diagnosis him do the inhibitor.

So yea maybe reading that kept me up last night cause I did a lot of research.

I got to submit a urine test for the last two std tests.

I have a feeling once I do that inhibitor test I'll have a clean bill of health minus hsv1 cause yea I got it.

I hope Elise would still be with me regardless of if it's hsv1 only or both. Although I wouldn't blame her if she wouldn't.

Although I do think that inhibitor test will show what I've been writing about. The cdc discourages using the test she used on me. Either way safe sex is important.

So I'll do the test and if I happen to have hsv2, well I guess whoever I end up with has to love me despite this. It's going to be hard to sell myself as a transman ingeneral but with hsv2 I might as well expect to spend my life alone.

I refuse to pull the wool over anyone's eyes though but I'm sure in May I'll be saying I have confirmed hsv1 and my hsv2 test came back negative.

If you're reading this and you're not in love with me you probably shouldn't read every entry cause I get kinda personal here. This truly is my dairy.

If you do love me, if the test goes badly I hope it won't change your feelings for me. Although I do truly think it is a false positive.

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semi-imaginary-place · 6 months

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fe3h misc thoughts

I associate dragon or some bird with Claude. Claude is the only one whose unique classes have wyverns, his route is called Verdant Wind and as explained by Marianne when she title drops the route, she explains that Claude is like the wind beneath a bird's wings lifting them up into the sky, and VW and GW heavily feature themes of freedom (choice, religion, ideas, borders, etc.). Through all this and more Claude is highly associated in the games with flight. Eagles are used in traditional hunting practices in the Eurasian Steppe and by Turkic peoples, from which Almyra draws inspiration from.

Garreg Mach is like a British finishing school, yeah the students are getting some education and leadership skills but its also about rubbing shoulders with the rich and powerful and making connections. It looks good a resume.

I romance no one personally, but I am collecting all S supports for the hell of it. I do not self insert into Byleth but also the S supports are blatant self insert bait instead of really engaging with Byleth as a character so I can't even say I like them from a character writing perspective.

ahhh yes the writers had to have Edelgard be emotionally dependent on the player character. gotta make the player feel important and involved...

I know Yuri is what most people want for an Ashen Wolves/Church gay romance option but I would have liked to see some diversity in the gay S support options because with Linhardt and Yuri we have 2 pretty boys which is better than 1 I guess but I would have liked to see the addition of character a little different so I'll vote Balthus. Also idk about anyone else but the gay men I've met love beef more than anyone else.

I found a gay gilbert stan wow it's like seeing a rare endangered species

my first thought when I saw Areadbhar was "that looks like a whale's fore fin's bones". Each relic was from a different dragon, that's why they all have different crests. The crest associated with Luin is the crest of Daphnel, so Daphnel got the blood of that dragon and a weapon made of their body. As for what body part, who knows, could have been a fang or a spine or carved out of a large bone.

Why Seteth and Flan look unchanged after 1000 years. If we interpret Rhea calling herself the "last" of Sothis' children as in youngest then she's younger then Seteth, but last could also mean last survivor of Nabatea. Nabateans, well dragons actually in Fire Emblem are a sort of immortal often worshiped as divine existence so they just stop aging at some point. Flayn specifically went into the regenerative sleep unique to dragons that Byleth does during the timeskip so you can think of the pause button being pressed for her life and then unpaused when she woke up recently. Also I think Flayn is just short, cheerful, and ignorant of modern society she's not actually all that young developmentally I think she was telling the truth when she says she's roughly the same age as the other students 16-20. Meta reason is they didn't want to make more character designs and models probably.

I don't really know if Indech ever met Cethlean before the events of the game. We do know that Cethleann fell into a long sleep from overusing her powers, we also don't know when she entered the War, so it is possible she and Indech were active at different periods. Given how reluctant Cihol would have been for her to fight I think it is more likely Cethleann fought in the later part of the war. Indech and Macuil both got fed up with humans eventually so it makes sense if he withdrew early. But all this is a lot of speculation on my part.

Yeah they're still Slithering in Azure Moon lol. Dimitri unknowingly kills Thales which I find hilarious but the Agarthan civilization and Shambhala is still intact and Nemesis and the zombie army is still in cryostasis. It has been debated how important Thales was like I've heard theorizing that he was the only one who could activate the intercontinental ballistic missile system but in the end we don't have a definitive answer about how important he was to Agarthan operations.

Raphael really is quite insightful! Has high emotional intelligence too and one of the healthiest grief responses in the game, offers some pretty good advice too like listen to your body, take things one step at a time, and take care of yourself.

in the original text Lysithea says Leonie would make a good husband.

Don't forget the month where everyone is very somber due to certain events and Lindhardt is like "yo what up I robbed the church"

rizzed up ignatz

The Ignatz quotes… yeah Ignatz has more change than most characters but a lot of people miss it because he isn't a very popular character and gameplay wise he's one of the few characters that gets better on maddening so most people don't use him on the easier difficulties. I find it very interesting that part of Ignatz changes and part of him doesn't its like you said the war hardens him but he keeps his love of the world and I like that about him. This is different than say Marianne where like everything about her changes (especially in VW) as she gets a new perspective on life.

I agree its sad that Caspar's English voice performance doesn't fit his character all that well, or at least not as well as his Japanese one does. Caspar is basically a shounen anime/videogame protagonist and he should sound like one and he does in Japanese but not in English. I love Caspar as a character I just don't like his English voice. The English voices are generally pretty good but there's a couple performances that make he cringe namely Caspar's and Mercedes'. Which is such a shame because their Japanese voices are perfect. In Japanese Caspar sounds like the stupid energetic jock shounen protag that he is, and Mercedes sounds very fuwafuwa exactly like a gently older sister type character which fits her so well. Her English voice sounds so forced.

So due to the open nature of the game there mostly isn't strictly a definitive canon class, just the most probably canonical/intended class. This is easiest to tell for the lords and Byleth as they get unique classes. For the other character look at what class they appear as as enemies although this isn't definitive either. For example Lorenz appears as an enemy paladin but given how his relic extends magic range and one of his best builds is in magic as well as his houses' history in magic and magic knights you could argue that his canonical class is dark knight not paladin. In the end there isn't really a definitive canon class just more canonical and less canonical classes like no one is arguing that war master is Lorenz's canon class. Or Manuela as an enemy appears as different classes on different maps. Another line of evidence is that unique outfits in part 2 for the students can be worn for certain classes that can be seen as their intended classes.

I will never be over how the game won't let me make Hilda a warmaster (or Linhardt a gremory).

With Almyra someone mentioned Turkic but I think it is more broadly central Asian influences with the horse culture and some of the imagery bringing to mind the Mongol Empire, combined with broadly Middle Eastern especially Persian. Faerghus might be Russian in climate but its more medieval Germanic with the warrior culture. I agree with aplumblum that Leicester reminds me most of the Italian Renaissance with it's focus on art and commerce, but with some Dutch and English influence as well, especially in the names. Morfis comes off as stereotypically Arabian/vaguely middle eastern as in magical desert city with the mystique of the height of the Arab empire highly associated with exotic magic, as seen from a European perspective. Brigid is almost entirely based on Southeast Asia (maybe with a bit of Oceania) as seen through the eyes of a Japanese developer. Dagda came off to me as Asian/East Asian as a very large and diverse continent that Fodlan is mostly just confused by and has conflicting accounts of. Plains? Deserts? Jungles? Tundra? Well if it's a continent then it'd be big enough for all of that. Dagda is also big and advanced enough to colonize Brigid and engage is a protracted long distance naval war. Also like how else did Fodlan get samurai???

Fodlan is already fantasy soup chronological hell, don't get too caught up on being historically accurate because the devs sure as hell don't care. Like in Faerghus you have the germanic warrior culture of the 1000s epics, you have chivalry codes of the 1300, Leicester almost looks Italian Renaissance which is like 1500, but there's also themes of the Enlightenment period and hints Fodlan is on the verge of the French Revolution so 1700-1800s. Tomatoes are from Mexico and peaches are from China and Fodlan has a bunch of made up fantasy fruits and vegetables. But yeah maybe the potato would fix Faerghus.

It's pretty obvious the Agarthans are evil I'd even say it goes too far with it, but a lot of people in the fandom tend to downplay either Rhea or Edelgard's agency when in reality they both have agendas that they are unwilling to negotiate on and that's where a lot of the overarching conflict in the story comes from.

The crest of Timotheos is associated with animals and perhaps had some power over them. Cornelia or the Agarthan that crawled into her skin probably experimented with the crest's power, trying to enhance and weaponize it and made it go haywire. The end result of twisting that latent power being Hapi's sighs summoning demonic beasts.

Me first playthough due to JRPG hoarding tendencies I didn't use the relics. Heros' relics are very easy to repair as umbral steel is very common so go ahead and use them at every opportunity, holy weapon materials are rarer but still worth using.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses has really weird gameplay for a Fire Emblem game and I happen to like the gameplay changes more than regular Fire Emblem gameplay. In most FE game level is class level and stats are what really matters but i find the 1-99 system more intuitive because no progress is ever lost, I also think the open sandbox-y nature complements the multiple routes and replay-ability.

Who cares about gameplay or "the meta" or damage when you have FASHION.

Edelgard gets some of the best designs in the game. I also like male Byleth, Dorothea, Petra, and Claude. The others are more situational Ignatz' part 2, Yuri's part 1 (the clown suit is a curse), Marianne's 3 Hopes, and Sylvain's part 1.

Wish we could toggle the little hats. The female warlock flower hat is cute. Or mortal savant kinda sucks but the mask looks really cool. Or dark knight's ram helmet.

My favorite classes: Falcon knight gives a little horned helmet to the horse, Bow knight because I love hit and run tactics, Dark knight because I like the magic knight concept, Mortal savant because it looks cool, Barbarossa because dragon (also a good class but most dragon and cool outfit). Brigand because what would I do without death blow

I have this pet conspiracy theory that Sothis is from the divine dragon tribe of other FE games (Shadow dragon, gaiden, Awakening, etc). I mean in Fates/IF characters literally get isekai'd and I think it happens in Awakening dlc too so dimension/world travel is an established part of the universe, it's very plausible Sothis is from Archanea.

Why Mercedes's mother ended up in House Bartels if she was the one with a crest. Hard to say, Adrestian House politics are brutal, Nuvelle got wiped as did Hyrm because of the inter-House powerplays. She might have been a commoner with a crest it does happen or someone of a lower class married in so Martriz had a crest. However keep in mind that with the fall of House Martriz she would have lost all power, status, and standing, she also could have been pressured by the remainder of House Martriz. In the end we don't know. Nobles certainly do scout for crest bearing commoners, Mercedes was pressured and harassed into such a marriage with the marriage leveraged by a donation to the church her family had lived in for many years.

#fe3h

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