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pickles4nickles · 26 days

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So I’ve been watching playthroughs of Yakuza games for a while now, but when I saw that the newest game takes place in Hawai’i, the place where I was born, raised, and have lived in for nearly 30 years now, I knew that this was something I had to have first-hand experience with and not let some guy tell me how to feel about it, to put it bluntly.

I went on a month and a half long journey to finish this game, so I sat around for a bit like

Jesus Christ I should write a review on it.

So if you’d like to read about 5k words on what I thought about The Video Game™, here you go.

Overall, Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth is a really really good game. However, as Hawai’i local it was kind of hard for me to turn my brain off to some of the cultural inaccuracies and as someone who tends to play smaller indie games, I clocked in about 110 hours on this and I burned out a little towards the end.

GAMEPLAY

Let’s get into Gameplay first because I think I have the most positive thoughts about it. If you haven’t heard my thoughts about Pokemon lately, it mostly boils down to “It’s the only RPG I’ve really been playing in recent years and the gameplay has been very watered down and I yearn for a decent PvE experience.” This game definitely scratched that itch in more ways than one.

Infinite Wealth’s turn-based combat system revolves around positioning. Some moves have an AoE of either a straight line or a circle. Positioning a character next to an ally will proc a combo move with them and positioning them near items will proc an item attack where you can beat a guy to death with a traffic cone or something.

The job system is robust. Every character starts off with a default class- Ichiban’s is Hero, an all-rounder that can pretty much do anything; characters like Nanba and Eric (I know the game calls him Tomi or Tomizawa, but I’m not the game and “Fuckin’ Eric” sounds way better than “Fuckin’ Tomi”) are magic-oriented, so they’re basically wizards by default. You can change their class to other jobs (Desperado is my favorite because it’s basically gun mage), which unlocks new skills as you level them up. You can also change jobs as much as you want and skills carry over between them, so there’s a bit of moveset mixing and matching that makes my brain feel good.

Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio, (the Yakuza devs, which we’re just gonna abbreviate to RGG from here on out) have always been REALLY good at asset reuse (again, I cast a dirty look to Game Freak). They’ll make a whole-ass map of a region and reuse that same map for several games down the line. Not only do you spend a significant time in Ijincho again and not only do you go to Kamurocho for little bit… AGAIN, but there are two… what I can only call “macro” games that have the best asset reuse I’ve seen in, like, maybe anything ever.

DONDOKO ISLAND

Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth comes with a whole-ass Animal Crossing clone that’s also kind of The Sims called Dondoko Island. In this, you rehab an island that’s being used as a dump for some trash pirates (no, seriously, they’re actually pirates, yar har and everything) back into a five star resort. There’s a whole-ass crafting system where you go around the island, harvesting resources, to build furniture and facilities, which include whole-ass buildings which have appeared in past Yakuza games. The crafting system is GREATLY improved over Animal Crossing: New Horizon in that you can skip the goddamn animation and craft multiple of the same items at once. You don’t even have to have all the materials in your inventory, it’ll take it from your storage. Placing items in the world is also in an overhead view and the only grievance I have with the system is that placing paths is really weird and you can only place a limited number of them. But overall, Nintendo, was it really that hard to put into the video game. Why did you make AC:NH disrespect my time in that way?

Once the island has been cleaned up enough, you can start inviting guests over, which all have their own set of preferences for the vibe of your island (rustic, pop, sleazy, etc), their lodging quality, and how much of the island’s flora and fauna (and minerals, I guess??) you’ve discovered.

I really really liked Dondoko Island because who am I to say no to a management mini/macro game with decoration elements. I mostly really appreciate that it doesn’t waste your time. I wanna say I finished it in like less than 20 hours… which is not short for a game within a game (actually, that’s insane for a game within a game), but for a game of this genre, it’s pretty short.

There’s also an entire separate mini-island that further helps you with efficiently running your island by passively collecting resources over time and just being a general stockpile of bugs and fish to catch. But I can’t talk about this part without talking about…

SUJIMON

A returning character voiced by Keith Silverstein in the English dub – yes, that Keith Silverstein, who voices Masayoshi Shido of Persona 5 and Zhongli of The Genshin Impact™ is a professor who documents the behavior of weird and often hostile middle aged men, called Sujimon. When Ichiban goes to Hawai’i, he asks him to also document the native Sujimon there as there’s a prominent Sujimon scene there. Mans wasn’t kidding as there is an underground, more or less ilicit Sujimon fight club called The Sujimon League with its own Elite Four called The Discrete Four.

In the previous game, Sujimon was just your bestiary (literally called the Sujidex), but now it’s a whole-ass game, which I can mostly only describe as simplified Yokai Watch, but a glorified card game. Just so we’re not here for forever talking about middle-aged men cockfights… because I can talk about the mechanics and inner workings of middle-aged men cockfights for a hot minute, Sujimon League basically operates on a 3v3, with an additional bench of 3, rock-paper-scissors kind of system. You’ll need strong Sujimon to get through this macro game and you’ll recruit new guys through four ways- through random fights on the map, through literal Pokemon GO raids, through a gacha system, and through combining Sujimon of the same type into stronger Sujimon (don’t think too hard about that one). I had a LOT of fun with this and, again, it scratched an itch I’ve had for a while. Almost all of the Sujimon are just guys you’ll fight in-game, so, again, an excellent use of asset reuse.

Sujimon smoothly integrates into Dondoko Island in a way that makes Palworld look even more balls-less than it already is. You know that little island I was talking about a few paragraphs back? That’s Dondoko Farm. You can put your Sujimon to work on it! As you’re running around on Dondoko Island, letting it consume your life, your Sujimon will grow crops, scrounge around for resources, and earn some cash for you. The island also has some resources to help with Sujimon League by leveling them up with a small investment of some dondoko bucks and your time, but also a Pokemon-Amie type mini-mini game that helps strengthen the friendship of your current Sujimon team.

Yes.

This game lets you pet-

The sweaty, weirdo middle-aged men.

Don’t think about it too hard.

Especially don’t think about it too hard when you have a Sujimon on your team that uses Xander Mobus’ voice clips.

Anyway, there’s also another minigame called Sicko Snap, which is basically Pokemon Snap with Sujimon. It’s a good one, too.

STORY

I guess… the best way I’d explain my feelings on Infinite Wealth’s story is

Objectively, this is an okay story. Like, it’s par for the course for a Yakuza game. I have a lot of personal grievances with this plot which I’ll fully unsheathe my blade for in the next section, but for now I’ll just say… this game is basically Hawaii Five-O crammed into a Yakuza game and that was an emotional rollercoaster ride that I’m not sure I enjoyed.

Like a Dragon’s main theme is “Even if you hit rock bottom, it��s never too late to get back up again” and that’s something I hold near and dear to my heart.

They have used this theme to my benefit and to my dismay as this also apparently means it’s never too late for ~*Romance*~ which, sure, yeah, okay, true, but did it have to be Ichiban and Saeko?

I’m trying to give the game the benefit of the doubt because… to me, it’s mostly one-sided (as in, like, Saeko’s willing to give him a chance, but isn’t as crazy for Ichiban as he is for her) and, like, dude is allowed to have a crush. But from what I have seen… because I never got around to finishing her Drink Link (I was gonna but I’m like really burned out on the game), they kinda strap C4 to the Bechdel Test and raze a village to the ground with it when it comes to Saeko’s character arc because most of her dialogue and interactions are about The Incident with Ichiban, which sucks because she had more character than just a romance interest for the protagonist in the previous game. If you’re also REALLY not into this plot point like I am, the story DOES NOT let you forget that this indeed happened as it seems to be a plot thread that might continue into the next game as well.

Needless to say, I don’t ship it, and I don’t get to block tags and just walk away from this one.

The game also kinda keeps nudging at, “Hehe, Chitose’s pretty cute too, right?” to which I say

Yes I understand she’s of legal age but she’s only like 21 AT MOST and Ichiban’s like 40-something you stop with that.

It doesn’t feel like Ichiban really had a character arc in this… unless you count “proposing on the first date” to “saying I love you on a redo and then being weird about it again” as character growth. He went to Hawai’i, had some shenanigans, found mom, got backstabbed again, fought the cult (which I’ll be really salty about in the next section), went back home to help Eiji’s character arc. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just… Ichiban went on another adventure. And it was ok. I think maybe the game was sizing him up to, again, take Kiryu’s place and be The Hero, but… we already did that already? And I’m not even sure if the game was able to complete that message by the end of the game.

Kiryu probably got the most character development out of this game and talking this over with my friend Andrew, he brought up that it kinda wasn’t fair that this is supposed to be Ichiban’s game, but he had to share half of it with Kiryu. And I agree. His sections were also really hard to get into if you haven’t been a longtime fan. Again, I have a decent amount of Yakuza knowledge, but with Kiryu’s memories, a LOT of it went over my head. It seems like RGG’s been trying to retire him as a protagonist for like three games now and MAYBE this time they’ll actually do it after this victory lap they’ve given him. But he did learn that “my friends are my power” and “never ever give up, you still have time to do better.” And you know what, that’s rad.

As far as the villains go, just, I dunno, they’re fine? Ebina and Eiji are very “okay bitch, stay mad, then,” and it’s. Fine? My only complaint is that Ebina’s arc felt like it was under-seasoned before they put it in the oven to cook and they could’ve peppered it on a little earlier in the game or something. Bryce’s entire deal I may have taken a little too personally, but that’s for later. Dwight was literally just Danny Trejo doing a villain role and I have absolutely no qualms with it. He was fun to watch.

The supporting cast was fun as always. Eric I hated at first, but he grew on me in the same way that, like, I’d bully a friend. Chitose I also kinda hated at first, was very sus of, but then she had a character arc that was pretty good. The Yokohama gang didn’t really have character arcs to them, but they were still fun to hang out with nonetheless. We got to learn a little bit more about Seonhee and she’s really fun. Both her and Zhao, who is my favorite for several reasons, are really really fun characters as they are both crime bosses (former, in Zhao’s case) who are BIG FUCKING WEIRDOS and I love them for it.

Joongi Han becomes a party member WAY too late in my opinion that, in a way, he’s technically an optional party member, or at least like getting a Dratini right before the Pokemon League in Gold/Silver/Crystal. He had some fun character moments, but felt kinda like an afterthought.

But also, ain’t no way he got his Hawai’i clothes at Hilo Hattie. There’s no way.

To wrap up my thoughts on the main story, I’d just like to say: the plot point that they sailed to Japan on a little tugboat in a handful of hours as opposed to WEEKS is peak Hawaii Five-O vibes and it infuriates me, but everyone kept telling me “it’s okay, the coast guard picked them up, like, halfway” and I will sit down and not start a fistfight over it. And just. That was the vibe of the game for me. Just… alternating between a J-Drama and Hawaii Five-O.

I don’t really have much to say about the substories except that they’re either almost Oscar-worthy material or they’re a snoozefest that I just tabbed through. I can really only think of three substories off the top of my head that were EXCELLENT, though - Nancy and Olivia, the artificial snow quest (THIS ONE IS EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH), and the traveling aquarium one. The rest I mostly just tabbed through because they were just……. Eh. But I think I’m okay with that since we have Sujimon and Dondoko to make up for it.

THE CULTURAL GRIEVANCES

So as I type this section out, I run my hands over my face to remind myself and say

This is a game that takes place in Hawai’i from a Japanese perspective, written primarily for a Japanese audience and I assume that certain things may come from a place of ignorance, but not maliciousness.

Hey Tumblr.

I want you to read that first bolded sentence again.

Because I know how you guys are with reading comprehension.

But that being said, as a Hawai’i-born Chinese person, there’s quite a lot about the Hawai’i cultural aspects of this game that I have problems with. If you wanna see me roast this game, you can stick around, but if not… Here is your chance to bail.

I’ve tried my best to write this in a way where I look at the thing that pissed me off and ask myself, “Am I taking this too seriously or do I actually have a problem with it?” and write more or less objectively, but some of it might still come off as overly caustic. Just. I tried.

And after a deep breath,

Ho brah,

We go.

WHAT IS HAWAIIAN CULTURE, ANYWAY?

To start off, I’m not sure if RGG knows the difference between being a Hawai’i local and actually being of Hawaiian blood…? The game mentions at the very beginning that Akane is half-Japanese… and half-Hawaiian, which makes Ichiban one-fourth Hawaiian, which makes ME kinda… squint. Like, we’d need to know more about Akane’s backstory, but if you know anything about indigenous cultures, finding someone who’s half native is HARD nowadays. Akane also looks pretty light skinned for someone who’s allegedly half-Japanese, half-Hawaiian but that’s just my tiny nitpick?

I’m also… not sure what kinda research RGG did on Hawaiian last names because some of the ones I see on random enemies are kinda…

Who is that

What is that

I have never seen anyone named that in my entire life

Sure, my worldview is a little shut in, but, no, what IS that?

Mililani is not a last name, that’s a neighborhood, why’s she Lani Mililani?

WHAT IS THAT?

The pidgin in the game is also there, but… small kine hit or miss. For those of you who don’t know, pidgin is Hawai’i’s creole, which came from a bunch of cultures who don’t speak the same language eventually falling into a kitbashed language system that works for everyone. Looking at the VA listing in the credits, they did hire some local people (they have Hawaiian names) and some of the VO performances work really well like Obispo in the restaurant side story and the cab driver dialogue that ONLY comes up in the Japanese audio version of the game for some reason. Others… are… hm (I don’t know what’s going on with Jeff the taco truck guy). I feel like the voice director got the intonation on the line reads down pretty well, but on the localization side, the syntax and grammar are a little off. Pidgin tends to come off as “broken english,” but it’s technically not since it’s its own language system with its own rules. So you have a lot of line reads that are in the right inflection, but the way it’s written is wrong for pidgin dialogue.

And it just doesn’t sound 100% right to me.

There’s also some… small pronunciation nitpicks that I have. Ukulele is pronounced the white way - it’s not Yooka-Laylee like the Chameleon and Bat, it’s ook-oo-leh-leh like Tapu Lele, the Pokemon. Some characters pronounce Hawai’i as huh-why and not ha-wuh-ee, which is more right (it’s SUPPOSED to be ha-vai-ee but I’m not native Hawaiian and this is kind of an axolotl situation so, y’know).

But shout-outs to the “Whatchu lookin’ at?” line guy.

Because that one is just, no notes, perfect.

NOTHING CAN BE NORMAL, I GUESS

Something that rubbed me the wrong way in this game is the mystification of a culture that’s foreign to you, that is, taking a culture that’s not yours and describing or representing it in such a way that it sounds so deviant and hard to comprehend compared to the one you’re used to. Think of that one tweet where someone describes hamburgers like a white person would describe asian fruit.

There's the lei substory where the girl needs to make a lei with blue plumerias (which does not exist by the way) because there’s an urban legend that if you give a blue plumeria lei to someone, it’s a way of confessing your true love. Lei are just… things you give as, like, a “congrats!” kind of a thing. Or if you wanna be touristy about it, a “welcome!” kind of gift. There’s nothing mystical about it, most grocery stores stock a few that you can just pick up, grab and go style.

The entire game mechanic of “shaka to make friends” was so?? Like maybe after 8 hours into the Hawai’i map, I was like, okay, I’ll just… fine. I’ll accept it. But my god did I not appreciate it when Kson came up to me and was like “what’s a motherfucker gotta do around here to make some friends” and told me how FRIENDLY the Hawaiian people were and how you can just throw a shaka to make friends; while me, probably the saltiest, introverted Hawai’i local that throws stink-eye at tourists who can’t watch where they’re going, playing the video game on that day was like, “We don’t fucking do that, hello??” I don’t even know why we shaka?? Most people you ask that question will just be like “idk it’s the local thing, they do it at the end of the 5pm news on KHON2.”

There’s a substory in this game with a character named Nathan, but we were all calling him racist Alpharad because he kinda looks like him (ALPHARAD HIMSELF IS NOT RACIST OR IN THIS GAME I WANNA CLARIFY THAT) and he’s basically, like… a weeb. He’s recording what seems like a PBS special on Japanese tourists in Hawai’i, but he’s kind of a shitter about it. He makes Ichiban choose between local foods and cold-ass rice and becomes upset when he chooses kalua pork over the rice since it wasn’t The Japanese Option. It escalates to making Ichiban play darts with shuriken and when he loses, he tells him to “live up to his dishonor,” slides him a knife and board, and asks him if he wants to take a finger or hara-kiri. To which Ichiban goes “dude, I get you like Japanese culture, but you can’t treat people this way”

To which I look back at the game like

You clearly understand how this feels, so why are you doing this to Hawaiian culture?

Again, I understand that a lot of this game was written with maybe just ignorance, and not malice, and this isn’t really a call-out post to RGG or anything, but BOY…

Okay.

Now we get to my biggest gripe with this game.

PALEKANA CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I’m kinda disappointed in their choice to use a Hawaiian cult as a plot point. It’s not quite a native savages kind of a vibe, but… In the year of our lord 2024, I thought we would know better than to portray an indigenous religion as a bloodthirsty cult? I also don’t like how they’re conflating the Hawaiian religion with what’s more like a Christian/Catholic cult in this.

Palekana is portrayed as “cultists who worship a goddess who lives in a mystical land, forbidden only to her chosen and maybe one day we’ll be worthy of her blessings.” Hawaiian religion is… not… like that at all? They did get the part about “giving back to the community” correct as a part of Hawaiian culture is mālama ‘aina, meaning, you need to care for the land you live on, which is… reasonable? I guess the other basic idea of Hawaiian religion is that certain places, things, and times that are important, and you shouldn’t touch it unless you wanna fuck around and find out. But the game just kinda wildly overboils this.

Like, I don’t claim to be an expert, I’ve only scraped the basics from what I learned in school (a year’s worth of Hawaiiana lessons in middle school, a semester’s worth in college; went to a private Catholic school, took two world religion classes in college), but Palekana has a very Catholic European religion kind vibe instead of a Hawaiian one. And I really, really don’t like that the game conflates the two. The Palekana cultists wear hoods, which is a distinctly European thing (it’s too hot for hoods here!). The beaded necklaces also seem more like rosaries, which, again, very Catholic. The idea that a god-figure will save you is also a VERY Catholic idea. I’m also assuming the goddess Nele that they use in the game is an expy for Pele, which… okay, like, you can do that with locations. Ala Moana Shopping Center represented as Anaconda Mall in the game hurts me a lot, but… to change up the name of the most prominent deity in Hawaiian religion is like

Dude, I’m not Hawaiian, but I know better than to shit on Pele?

Maybe I’m taking this a little too seriously, but it comes off as a little(??) disrespectful.

To give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe RGG wrote this plot point in this way to be like, well, they’re the villains, so we’ll write them so hyperbolically evil and wrong so people won’t mistake that for the actual culture? But my gut reaction is that they’re only writing from what they’ve seen in the movies and they wanted to make a story like that.

This was my least favorite part of the plot because not only does the cult aspect feel like it’s in bad taste, but it’s SO MUCH of the story and you REALLY can’t get away from it.

Alright. So now that I’ve aired that out of my system, I’m finally capping off this section with the part of the game that hit the closest to me and that is

CHINESE IN HAWAI’I

Listen. Again.

This is a story about Hawai’i, written by a Japanese team, for a Japanese audience.

Yakuza is a series that often talks about the racial conflict between the Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans. And I don’t expect them to portray any of these groups in anything more than a neutral light in this game about Gang Crime.

But ohhhhh my gooooood did they get the Chinatown section so wroooooooong.

Right off the bat, the big glaring problem I have with this game is. All the guys speak Mandarin. I think they might just be reusing voice clips from Yakuza 7, which, sure, fine, I understand that video games are hard to make and expensive.

In Hawai’i, like, real-world Hawai’i, not the bizzaro Hawai’i this game takes place in, we’re definitely starting to see more Mandarin-speaking immigrants show up, but most of the town speaks Cantonese.

Most of the people here a generation or two above me come from Guangdong or Hong Kong, which are Cantonese-speaking areas. It’s an entirely different dialect that’s really only been represented in small bits in media I’m familiar with, like in Jackie Chan Adventures (the uncle’s chant is basically “no more ghosts, get out of here” in Cantonese) and Digimon Tamers (“Moumentai” is “it’s okay/don’t worry about it” in Cantonese), and it seems really hard to get VAs that speak it, so I’m not… really that mad about it.

BUT. Then there’s Wong Tou.

Wong is the Cantonese pronunciation of 黄 , Huang or Hwang in Mandarin.

So like… clearly they knew?? But?? Decided not to go all in on it??

(And then Daniel Dae Kim is his face model and I just??? Bro’s Korean, hello?????)

And then there’s the name of Wong Tou’s gang. The Ganzhe.

Which is a stupid name.

The Chinese dictionary gives me 甘蔗 which translates to sugarcane, which. I get it. The plantation times. The Chinese and the Japanese and the Filipinos and the Portuguese and whatever all used to work on the cane plantations.

…But you’re out here calling your BIG KNIFE GANG “Sugarcane??”

My guy, you could start a reggae band with that name instead.

SPEAKING OF REGGAE-

No one knows how to pronounce Ganzhe properly besides Eric’s VA apparently? All the other VAs pronounce the gan closer to “van” when it’s supposed to be more like a “gone.”

Yes. That’s right.

Ganzhe is pronounced more like ganja.

You know.

The Marajuanas™

I’m a Hawai’i-born Chinese, first-generation local on my mom’s side and third-gen local on my dad’s. I grew up in Chinatown, so this was a section of the game that was near and dear to my heart. So I THINK and HOPE you’d understand my frustration to see that work needed to be done on the representation of my culture in this game. It was definitely a little fun to see my hometown modeled in this game- they got Maunakea Marketplace and Keikaulike Mall down pretty accurately and some of the motifs on the buildings made me do a double take because they were so familiar to me. BUT, man, this cultural aspect of the game needed A LOT of work.

SO TO FINALLY CLOSE THIS OUT

Japanese people love Hawai'i a lot.

I think Japanese people love Hawai'i more than Hawai'i locals do.

But as for portraying it accurately, I understand that no one can do it as well as a local islander can. Did I personally think they did the best they could?

………………ehh

Like, if you turn your brain off, it's fine??

If you turn your brain off and not let Palekana get to you, this game is fine.

It can be a little campy.

It can be a little Hollywood.

It can be a little Disneyland.

And despite my four pages of bitching about it, at the end of the day. It is fine.

So with that, I’ve hit like ten full pages on this Google Doc. Despite half of this review being me complaining about what they got wrong about Hawai’i culture in this game, I liked it a lot! When the game didn't have me strapped down for an episode of a J-drama or Hawaii Five-O, I liked running around town, fighting guys, making other guys fight other guys, and managing a resort island. If anything, this game actually motivated me a little to make more local-themed stuff, because as I notice people getting older, there’s less and less people to correctly preserve highly specific culture stuff like this. So a lot of that responsibility falls on me, y’know?

Thank you for making it to the end of this review! I know it was a lot. I don’t know what happened. I do recommend this game, but I ask that you do NOT finish the game with the takeaway that you have learned everything there is to know about Hawai’i.

I’ll fight you with a lawn chair (in Minecraft, for the FBI agent reading this) if you do that.

Other than that, I think you’ll have a lot of fun but also take your time because this game is, like, a 100 hour commitment. Not Persona 5 Royal long, but a commitment nonetheless.

#like a dragon #like a dragon infinite wealth #pickle art #sure uhh I guess I will put this in the tag #IF YOU FOUND THIS VIA THE TAG AND YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GAME #HI HELLO I DO TOO I JUST HAVE SOME STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT THE CULTURAL ACCURACY OF MY HOMETOWN #PLEASE DON'T YELL AT ME YOU CAN STILL ENJOY IT #anyway I've had this sitting around for like... most if not all of march #and I finally got the spoons to put the finishing touches on it #and come to terms that I'm probably not opening the game back up anytime soon

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perfectsunlight · 1 year

Text

summer bummer

𝗸𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗮 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝘀𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 𝟲,𝟴𝟰𝟵 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱: ✔

𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆: 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿 - 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝘆

being an intern at SM entertainment was a dream come true in itself. you never would have thought that you, as a foreigner, would even have the opportunity to be employed at such an organization. thankfully, you struck the jackpot, and landed a year-long internship position that would be eligible for renewal.

SM operated like a colony of ants. different people had different roles, and even though some roles may be seen as more important, everyone was needed to help the company operate smoothly. without the idols, there was no SM entertainment. without the employees, there would be no SM entertainment. it was a mutual understanding that came with mutual respect as well.

you learned to respect the idols and their space. you made sure to bow every time, and sometimes even twice just because you couldn’t remember if you had the first time. your work mainly dealt with the production team, so naturally you came into contact with almost every idol signed under the company.

however, with aespa having a comeback soon, you were told that you would have to work with them more often and more closely. you didn’t know much about the group other than their names and concept. you actually only met aeri once, and that was because she was the one who helped you find your way to the recording room on your first day.

today you would be having your first meeting with the girls to discuss logistics and other things regarding the title track that you were tasked with producing. it was a big job, but the fact that SM trusted you enough to handle it just gave you the motivation to do your absolute best.

your fingers flipped through the pages of previously scrapped songs, doing your best to analyze the lyrics and what they were trying to portray that didn’t end up showing. you wanted the best for the girls, and you wanted to do your best because your job did depend on it.

the door to the recording room suddenly opened, and you smiled at the sight of the 4 girls making their way inside.

“hi y/n,” aeri flashed you a smile to which you mirrored. she stepped sideways before motioning towards her other members. “this is ningning,” she pointed at the brunette who waved. “and that’s karina and winter.” she finally pointed at the two girls whose hands were interlocked with each other.

you had heard about karina and winter being close, so it wasn’t a surprise once your co-worker spilled the beans and mentioned that they were dating. just from the first introduction, you could tell that the two had a very loving relationship.

minjeong and jimin’s relationship was the envy of many. even when they were just merely being shipped together, everyone wanted someone to look at them the way the two women looked at each other. their chemistry on and off the stage proved how much they loved each other. they were perfect for each other.

“it’s nice to meet you all, im excited to work with you and i hope we can create something amazing together.”

the meeting went on without any issues, and each of the girls had mentioned what they wanted in the upcoming title track. eventually, you managed to map out a set schedule for recording and writing. it was a highly productive meeting in your eyes. however, the entire time you could only focus on someone else’s pair.

for some reason, karina couldn’t keep her eyes off of you. the idol felt drawn to you, even though she had just met you. periodically, winter would often graze her thumb over her hand. she didn’t notice it, really. her attention was entirely set on you.

from the way your eyebrows furrowed, to the way your wrist twitched when you wrote, karina was analyzing every micro and macro detail about you. the meeting was about their group’s title track, but she would have much rather spent the time talking about you.

you had to be really good for SM to entrust the title track to you. she knew that you were new, but she didn’t think much of it until she walked into the room with you. she wanted to know everything about you. jimin wanted to know just how special you were.

by the time the next meeting had rolled around, the aespa members had all decided on their parts for a song you all decided to try experimenting with first. the order of recording went from youngest to oldest, with karina being the last to record.

the other three had done just fine, not struggling much except for a few spots. surprisingly, the leader of the group seemed to really struggle with her parts.

“you three can head back if you want, ill head home once im finished here.” jimin called out with her head poking out from the door. giselle and ning nodded and got their things to leave, but you could clearly see that winter was pouting and not wanting to leave without her girlfriend.

jimin, being ever so attentive, made her way out of the booth and planted a soft kiss on the blonde’s head. “i’ll be home soon, i promise.” she whispered, watching the pout on minjeong’s lips disappear into a smile.

once winter left with her other members, you were left alone with the aespa leader.

“i think you need to use more air in this part here,” you pointed to the lyric sheet in front of her while you gently tried to explain what she could do to improve. jimin’s eyes were trained on you the entire time, not on the paper. karina was an excellent vocalist, of course she knew what she needed to fix.

as a matter of fact, she knew exactly how to read her lines. she just wanted–no, needed an excuse to be alone with you.

“y/n,”

your ears perked up at her voice, and you turned to face her fully with your head tilted slightly. the sight of your attentiveness to her made heat rush to her face. she prayed you wouldn’t be able to tell in the lighting of the booth.

“yes?” you asked, a small smile on your face. “do you want me to show you how to do it?” you added, wanting to do anything to help the idol so she could do her best.

before she could respond, you began singing the lines with ease. jimin swore she felt her entire nervous system stop working once her ears heard the sound of your voice.

if winter’s voice was like air, yours was like water.

your voice alone could easily pass for one of an idol, and she didn’t notice it, but her jaw had dropped. you took note though, and simply flashed her your signature smile.

“you look like you’ve seen a ghost, karina.”

a smile mirrored the idol’s lips as she felt the blush on her face heat up again. you were so adorable, and she couldn’t help but feel weak in the knees at the sound of her name rolling off your tongue.

“jimin,” she said slowly, earning a look of confusion from you. she licked her lips before she continued speaking. “you can just call me jimin.”

the two of you finished wrapping up her lines after what seemed like forever. it was dark outside, and jimin was starving. she could only imagine how hungry you had been, especially since you mentioned how you had been in the studio all day.

“hey y/n, lets go grab something to eat. it’s on me, consider it a thank you.” karina offered, earning a hesitant smile from you. you had heard that jimin was a kind woman, and practically the epitome of a disney princess, but to feel her kindness directed towards you made you feel shy all of a sudden.

“no need to thank me, jimin. i’m just doing my job.”

a scoff left the raven haired girl’s lips as she wrapped her arm around your shoulder. “come on, i’m not letting you leave just like that. you and i both need to eat, so let’s go.” she smiled down at you, and you couldn’t help but smile back and agree.

besides, who couldn’t say no to her? after all, she was yu jimin.

the two of you chatted away, getting to know each other better while you sat on the sidewalk in front of the dorms, eating takeout in the middle of the night. jimin was so caught up in her conversation with you that she didn’t realize how late it had been until you checked your phone and started apologizing.

“thank you for tonight, jimin. i’m so sorry i didn’t see the time, i didn’t mean to keep you up.” you rambled, immediately scrambling to get your things to leave as soon as possible.

the older girl stuck her hand out to hold your wrist, giving you the most genuine smile she had probably ever given.

“i could talk to you for hours, y/n.”

your words got caught in your throat as you stared into her midnight eyes. jimin’s hair was down and undone, blowing softly in the night’s breeze. you would be lying if you said she still didn’t look gorgeous. she was a beautiful woman. you envied winter at that small moment for dating such a woman.

your recording sessions with aespa got more frequent, but your midnight dinners with karina seemed to be happening more often as well. you and jimin had gotten much, much closer. you considered her a good friend, but you two had yet to share any emotional moments.

however, that all changed after one specific night.

it was technically not your day to record anything, but you found yourself in the studio playing around with a few new tracks. you wanted to potentially change something in the chorus of the title track, but you didn’t decide on anything yet. it was close to 1 in the morning, and you were just about to head home when the door to the room flung open.

you nearly fell out of your chair because it caught you so off guard, but what caught you even more off guard was the person who was standing in the doorway.

“jimin? are you okay?”

the idol closed the door behind her before she sat down on the couch with her head in her hands. she sniffled, and you didn’t bother pushing her to respond. instead, you simply moved over to sit on the couch with her and rub her back comfortingly.

“i didn’t know where else to go, im sorry.” she whispered softly, but from the hoarseness of her voice, you could tell she had definitely been crying.

“you’re always welcome here, don't worry.” you hesitantly wrapped your arms around her shoulders, but you felt better once she visibly relaxed in your arms.

the two of you sat that way for a while, but the silence was comforting to jimin given the screaming match she just had mere hours ago.

“minjeong and i got into an argument,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

your head turned to face her, noticing her tear stained cheeks and the way her eyelashes were wet from crying. “do you want to talk about it?”

jimin’s head hung and she shook her head, trying her best to keep herself composed somewhat. you nodded in understanding, respecting her decision and the underlying reasons for it.

“is there anything else i can do for you?” you asked gently, removing your arms from her shoulders and letting them fall in your lap.

jimin turned to look at you, and for the first time that night, she managed to smile. “do you have any soju?”

around an hour had passed and you two were pretty tipsy to say the least. since the recording room was naturally soundproof, you two were able to laugh and talk freely as loud as you wanted. you were pretty sure you were on your second bottle at this point because you were starting to feel a bit more fuzzy than before.

you don’t remember how it happened or whose idea it was, but somehow you and jimin agreed to mess around on the vocal tracks. you just kept pressing the record button while she started singing “black mamba” but the “drunk version” as you two called it.

karina insisted on you being apart of the song too, which was how you were hugging each other while screaming into the microphone. you couldn’t take her seriously though, and not even halfway through, you couldn’t stop laughing.

“yah! y/n,” jimin laughed and rolled her eyes playfully. “you’re messing up the song! it has to be good.” she whined while shaking your shoulders.

“sorry, but i can’t take you seriously when you’re yelling.” you reasoned, doing your best to not start laughing again.

the aespa member groaned before leaning her head on your shoulder. “you’re lucky you’re cute.”

even in your drunken state, you knew you weren’t hearing things when her voice reached your ears. she had to mean it platonically, right? after all, she was with minjeong. she had a girlfriend.

“you heard me, y/n.” karina whispered, leaning her head on your shoulder. it was as if she had read your own mind. “i think you’re cute.”

maybe it was the mix of the alcohol and emotions she was on, but jimin couldn’t help but say how she felt about you. relationship be damned, she couldn’t deny the way she felt about you. it was never her intention to fall for you, but she wasn’t going to stop.

you don’t remember the rest of the conversation that followed, but what you do remember were bits and pieces of jimin kissing you against the wall, as well as some very vague images of her on top of you on the couch.

still, you didn’t need the full recap to know what had happened between you two. it only made it worse once you had to see the girls again a few days after it had happened.

you couldn’t face minjeong properly, or even stare at her for longer than a few sentences. you felt immense regret, and even though it wasn’t just your fault, you couldn’t help but feel terrible for basically helping jimin cheat on her girlfriend.

thankfully, it seemed like karina and winter made up. however, you had a feeling that the younger girl didn’t know what happened between the two of you. and in all honesty, was it even your place to say anything either?

recording ended early, and you bid the members goodbye before turning to save everything you guys had worked on before hearing the door shut behind you. you nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt a pair of arms snake around your body.

“hi,” jimin whispered, feeling her body relax against yours naturally. your head turned to face her, jaw agape and eyes nearly popping out of their sockets. was she still intoxicated somehow?

the black haired girl couldn’t help but laugh at your visible confusion. “what’s wrong?”

“what are you doing?” you hissed quietly, eyes quickly snapping towards the door as if minjeong or any other one of the members would walk in at any moment and witness the current situation.

“i missed you.” she whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. you would be lying to yourself if you said it didn’t give you tiny butterflies in your stomach. however, they were most definitely the bad kind of butterflies.

“jimin,” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “we can’t do this, you have a girlfriend.”

karina’s dark eyes remained locked with yours, making you seem a bit uneasy at the way she started smiling after. “you’re so adorable, y/n/n.”

she cupped your face in between her hands, running her thumbs gently across your cheeks. she simply admired your confusion laced features, committing them to memory in case you would disappear right there on the spot.

“do you know why minjeong and i got into an argument?”

you shook your head, recalling that jimin didn’t want to speak about what exactly went down between the two of them.

jimin’s lip twitched into a wider smile before she leaned in closer to your face, your noses touching lightly.

she spoke in a voice barely above a whisper, “because i moaned your name and not hers.”

ice ran through your veins as you froze on the spot. jimin’s drunk actions were indeed sober thoughts. yu jimin, aespa’s karina, was infatuated with you, despite having her girlfriend. jimin wasn’t lying either. she and minjeong had been in the middle of a makeout session, but all the black haired girl could think about the entire time was how your lips would feel instead. as a result, she accidentally said your name, and the argument that followed was the reason for her running to your studio later that evening.

your silence caused the raven haired girl to grin even more. you didn’t know it yet, but you had been the object of her desires since the moment she met you. somehow, you had managed to make jimin fall so hard to the point where she could care less about her and minjeong.

their years of history meant nothing to her anymore. sure, she cared about minjeong’s well being, but not in a romantic way anymore. she hadn’t cared about anything regarding her own relationship from the moment you introduced yourself to the group. the way you spoke, the way you sang, the way you wrote, the way you walked. every single detail that made you up, made her more impossibly infatuated.

your sophistication was enough to make jimin want to leave winter, and as a matter of fact, she had already tried to.

after the night she ran to the studio with you, she told her managers that she was going to break things off with minjeong. however, they refused to let her. she told them that she was in love with someone else, but despite her pleas and protests, they told her she had to stay with winter. it would be bad for publicity if they broke up, so she had to deal with loving you in secret for now.

your eyes met hers once more, and before you could process everything happening, she pressed her lips against yours. this time, a sober kiss, but she wanted to make sure you knew without a doubt that what she felt for you was real.

her scent was intoxicating, and the way her chapstick tasted sent shivers down your spine. you knew you felt something towards the other girl as well, but unlike her, you had a guilty conscience about it. minjeong was someone you still admired too, and even though you weren’t too close, you still respected her as a person.

you pulled away and jimin chased your lips, but stopped once she saw your flushed face. “what about minjeong?” you hesitantly asked, still trying to fully comprehend everything.

“she’s not the one i want. don’t worry about her,” karina’s nails gently ran down your sides as she pressed her body against yours. “i want you, y/n. not her.”

she kissed your forehead, and you couldn’t help but feel conflicted. on one hand, you didn’t want to play any part of this messed up situation. jimin had feelings for you too, and you maybe had some for her as well, but she was in a relationship. you didn’t want to be that kind of person.

however, on the other hand, you technically already had played a part in this mess. you and jimin crossed that line already, and you had crossed it together. there was no way you could go back now, so why stop now?

that latter was the logic you kept once things got more serious with karina. it had been over a month and a half since this all started, and truthfully, you still didn’t know how to feel.

you undid your shoelaces, taking your hightops off and setting them by the door before you made your way inside your apartment. the midday summer sun shone through your windows and illuminated the place with natural light.

you began rummaging through your mail, sorting what was important and what was not, until your phone began buzzing.

INCOMING CALL FROM: J <3 …

of course, you answered without hesitation.

“hi, princess.”

your eyes rolled playfully at the nickname, but a smile formed on your lips. jimin always made you smile, even if she was being extra. “hi, stranger.”

a scoff escaped her lips, and you heard it clearly. “stranger? interesting.”

“when are you coming over?” you asked while you mindlessly threw out some of your junk mail.

you heard her hum on the other end of the phone before she answered. “she thinks im going home tonight and spending the weekend with my parents, so i’ll see you later tonight once i take her out for dinner.”

at this point in your “relationship” there wasn’t much spoken about minjeong anymore. sure, you knew that she and jimin were still very much together, and that jimin had to make it seem like everything was fine.

except, sometimes it did hurt you a little. you were falling for the other girl in the process of all of this mess, so naturally it made you feel a little jealous whenever jimin would do things with minjeong.

of course, you trusted the girl, but you also understood that minjeong was very much still her girlfriend regardless.

a hum in approval was all you gave before speaking. “alright then, i'll see you later.” jimin heard your tone shift but before she could even mention anything about it, you heard the muffled voice of minjeong in the background.

“see you later.”

the call ended, but you knew how this went because it always happened like this. since it was summer, your sessions with the group were not as often since they were filming for their next season of synk road and fulfilling their ambassador duties.

this meant you didn’t see jimin as often as you wanted, but she still called and texted every day because she missed you. you knew she missed you, but for whatever reason, you seemed to feel more insecure about your alleged position in her heart.

jimin was cheating on minjeong with you, but wasn’t jimin also technically cheating on you too?

then again, it wasn’t like the two of you had established any formal relationship together. all that you two knew, and had mentioned, was that you shared mutual feelings for each other. nothing more, and certainly nothing less.

you decided to distract yourself by showering and turning on some tv. moonlight crept into your apartment, and as you sat on your couch in your (jimin’s) comfiest clothes, you couldn’t help but notice the sinking feeling in your stomach once each minute passed.

it was already half past nine, and still no sign of the other girl. your scowl only grew more, but there wasn’t much you could do except move in closer to your couch cushion and grumble to yourself.

as if on cue, not even 10 minutes later, you heard jimin come through the door. she saw your curled up figure, and noticed your attention was on the TV. she was a little bummed that you weren’t seemingly excited to see her. usually, you would run to greet her, especially since she hadn't seen you for a few days.

“jagiya?”

karina set her bag down and made her way towards the couch. you were still feeling a bit upset, and she knew something was wrong with your lack of energy, but she didn’t know why. the older girl moved to sit next to you and wrapped her arms around your torso.

“hi.” you mumbled, keeping your eyes trained on the screen in front of you.

a small frown etched onto the idol’s face, and she couldn’t help but feel worried about your behavior even more. “what’s wrong, baby?” she leaned down to press a kiss to your lips.

“nothing.” you muttered, but jimin’s frown only deepened once you turned your head and she only managed to kiss your cheek. she whimpered, looking like a kicked puppy at your sudden cold shoulder. jimin didn’t like it, and she didn’t like how you also weren’t telling her why you were acting this way.

“did i do something wrong?”

your silence was deafening, and if it wasn’t for the ambience of the random TV show playing, it would have been much more quiet. you didn’t want to potentially argue with karina, but you also were dying to have some sort of reassurance from the idol.

“what are we, jimin?”

the dark haired girl’s head snapped up and her eyes widened a little. she wasn’t expecting to have this conversation with you. maybe with minjeong, but definitely not with you.

“i don’t know what this is, or if this is just some game for you.” you added, fiddling with your fingers while you tried your best to be honest with her.

you were the only person jimin cared about in the world. had she not done a good enough job of showing you that? obviously she hadn’t, considering you were feeling insecure about yourself in the moment. she used her hand to cup your face, turning it to face her entirely. she scanned your face, concern etched into every feature.

“you’re the love of my life, y/n.”

your gaze softened at her honesty, and part of you felt guilty for even doubting her feelings for you. karina took your softened gaze as an opportunity to continue speaking.

“from the moment i laid my eyes on you, i knew you were special. i knew i needed to have you. everything i feel for you, its real.”

to be honest, this was the most you two had talked about your feelings since her confession. and it did reassure you somewhat, but you had one important thing to get off of your chest.

“what about minjeong?”

jimin’s gaze never faltered, she simply pulled you into her lap and wrapped her arms around your back and waist. she leaned down to press her lips to your temple, and you instantly relaxed under her soft touch.

“i feel nothing for her. every single time she kisses me, its only you i see. whenever she tells me she loves me, i can only say it back if i pretend its you. as a matter of fact,” she ran her hands up your shirt and caressed your back with her fingertips. the action combined with her sweet words sent shivers down your spine. “i was late tonight because i was arguing with my managers again. i tried to break it off again, like i always do. i’m always fighting for you, for us.”

the power you held over her was beyond her, and you had no idea what it was doing to the young idol. she was entirely in the palm of your hand, and you could do as you wished with her.

“what do you want me to do, baby? tell me, and i’ll do it.” the idol’s lips met your neck as she left the softest and lightest pecks at its base. truth be told, karina would do anything for you. if you told her to jump, she would say how high. if you said to run, she would ask how far.

“you don’t have to do anything, jimin.” you whispered, not noticing the pout that formed on her lips.

she stared up at you with her darkened eyes, “no. my baby doesn’t understand how much i care about her, so i need to do something.”

“there’s nothing that can be done about it.” you said softly, pulling your neck away from her lips. the action made her face fall, but she was able to connect the dots and figured out immediately what the issue at hand was.

jimin’s hands moved to gently, but firmly, hold your waist. “look at me, y/n.” she quietly demanded, and you complied, of course. you would always do whatever she wanted, that was no question.

her gaze never left yours as she spoke, sending a flush to your face in the process. “i love you.”

karina’s lips kissed your forehead, then your cheek, and then the tip of your nose. the realization of her statement made your stomach flutter. you two had never said the words to each other; this was the first time you had heard her say it.

“i only love you, y/n.”

she repeated herself, emphasizing each syllable as she pulled you in closer to her. she scanned your face for any sign of a reaction. her revelation was something she had always known herself, but she figured that by finally saying it out loud to you it may give you reassurance.

you wrapped your arms around her neck and pressed your lips against hers. jimin reciprocated immediately, letting a sigh escape from her mouth as she melted against you. you were her only true weakness, but also her only true strength. it was a beautiful balance; one that she was hell bent on keeping.

once you pulled away, your foreheads rested against each other. the two of you remained like that for a moment, simply relishing in the intimate moment. karina loved you, and you now knew that without the shadow of a doubt. despite her history with minjeong, she was so certain of her feelings for you. she had told you countless times how winter was not the one she had feelings for, and that it was only ever you.

for her it was always, and only ever going to be, you. for you, it was always, and only ever going to be, her.

“i love you too, jimin.”

from that moment on, your relationship was more established. you two both knew that you were only each others, despite what the media thought. your relationship had to be secret, especially since minjeong or her other members didn’t know. however, despite keeping everyone in the dark, you two felt no regrets whatsoever.

especially in situations like now, when you two were making out in the practice room that her members had been in just mere minutes before.

jimin was on top of you again, a sight that you saw often, but you would never get tired of it either. your back pressed into the wooden floor beneath you, which was freezing earlier, but since jimin pounced on you the moment you came through the door, your body felt anything but cold.

the idol’s hands dug into your waist, making you moan into her mouth. your secret lover grinned into the kiss, relishing in the effect she had on you. jimin was in the palm of your hand, but you were equally in hers as well.

the two of you halted your movements once you heard footsteps echoing down the hall. however, jimin didn’t care about getting caught. she just didn’t want someone interrupting you two right now.

“shh,” she whispered against your lips, pecking them once more before she pulled herself off of you. she still hovered over your frame, but her body wasn’t pressed against yours. her midnight hues scanned your face, something she always had a habit of doing. she loved memorizing your features and committing them to her memory. you were a masterpiece, a true work of art. how could she not admire you?

“beautiful.”

jimin’s hands intertwined with yours, her lips meeting your knuckles in a sweet gesture. a shade of crimson flushed your face. even after all this time, her compliments seemed to always have the same effect on you.

“says the idol on top of me.” you replied, chest still slightly heaving as you attempted to catch your breath. you never fully understood how someone like her feel completely in love with you. especially since her relationship with her band member was seen as the epitome of every relationship. however, you never thought too long about it, especially when your lover was always so quick to reassure you.

the mentioned idol leaned down and kissed your lips once more, slowly but firmly. she was insatiable, naturally. but she couldn’t help herself. you were practically the definition of perfection in her eyes. she would never be able to get enough of you. she wasn’t complaining, though.

“marry me, y/n.”

she whispered against your lips, but before you could even say anything in response, she pressed another quick kiss to your swollen lips. “marry me and we won’t have to hide. then they can’t force me to do anything anymore.”

“jimin,” you warned, thinking she was somehow joking, but one glance at her and you knew she wasn’t. she had the same attentive expression on her face as always. you could practically see the wheels turning in her head. “let’s not do anything stupid.”

karina kissed the crown of your head gently, treating your body as if it was the most delicate thing in existence. “i’m tired of hiding. aren’t you?”

“your contract would be in jeopardy, my love.” you tried to reason, hoping that you would remind her of her job’s responsibilities. she was bound by her contact to her idol duties, and she was also the leader of aespa. she couldn’t exactly abandon that just for you, and you wouldn’t ask her to do such a thing anyway.

karina whined and you kissed her temple. “i’ll threaten to leave, then.” your brows furrowed as you looked at her in disbelief once more. “you will do no such thing, rina.”

the idol groaned once more, but chose to ignore your logical reasoning by kissing you fervently again. you tried to push her away to continue chastising her, but she kept chasing your lips. the older girl was about to attack your neck, but the buzzing of your phone caught both of you off guard.

reluctantly pulling away from your lover, you reached for it and answered without looking.

“hello?”

“y/n, what’s with this audio file?”

your brow furrowed as you gently moved jimin off of you. “which one?”

“the one you sent me wasn’t the one for the title track.”

your face met your forehead as you groaned, mentally trying to figure out which one you accidentally sent. fortunately for you, your boss jogged your memory.

“y/n, i don’t know what you…you and karina do…but uh, you definitely sent the wrong one.”

the color drained from your face and your gaze met jimin’s. her brows furrowed, since her close proximity, she could hear the conversation going on. however, she was just as lost as you. the two of you kept everything you did private, including your intimate moments. so how on earth would someone else know?

“ill uh, ill look into it. sorry, again.” you replied, still just as confused. you moved your phone to your other ear before mouthing something to karina. “what is he talking about?”

she only shrugged, standing up and reaching over to grab her phone from her bag. your attention was brought back to your conversation.

“yeah, i don’t know what you’re going to tell the other girls though. just send me the track by tonight.”

he ended the call once you exchanged farewells, but once you turned to jimin, you finally realized what audio file you had accidentally sent.

it was from the night you two got drunk in the studio. you had accidentally left the record button on in the booth, which picked up every single sound and word that was exchanged.

your face flushed red, and as you turned to face jimin, she stared at her phone with a smile on her face.

“what?” she asked, tilting her head at you once she made eye contact.

you swallowed the lump in your throat, trying your best to calm your racing heart. your boss had heard you and karina, basically reliving the moment you two shared with a front row seat. “jimin, he heard the recording of us from the night we got drunk in the studio.”

the idol’s smile only grew wider, making you feel significantly more confused. why was she smiling at a time like this?

jimin held her phone to your face, showing you her screen. it was her conversation with minjeong.

it was text after text of minjeong cursing at jimin, numerous amounts of “fuck you” and “how could you” messages. the realization suddenly hit you once you read the final message: “we’re done.” and your manager’s words echoed in your mind once again.

“yeah, i don’t know what you’re going to tell the other girls though.”

shit. they heard it.

“we don’t have to hide anymore, baby.” jimin grinned and kissed your face over and over, practically bursting at the seams with energy. you looked at her like she was insane. the smile on jimin’s face was the brightest you had ever seen. she swayed you in her arms, holding you close and forgetting about her phone and her extremely upset ex.

however, she didn’t care. and truthfully? neither did you. the only thing you cared about was getting the title track sent in by your deadline.

you suddenly felt a smile growing on your face, mirroring hers. you didn’t have to hide anymore, and with minjeong knowing as well, things would definitely look different with their management. jimin wouldn’t have to threaten anyone, and she would get to have her relationship with you.

“i’m going to show everyone that you’re my lover, the real love of my life.” jimin whispered in your ear.

your smile never faltered, and you could only feel butterflies in your stomach at the thought of being able to go out and do public dates with your girlfriend. “we can go on dates,” she continued, pressing a kiss to your cheek and then again on your lips. “i don’t care what people will say,” karina’s eyes glinted with happiness. “i’m yours, and you are mine.”

you wrapped your arms around her neck, looking up at her with the same lovesick look she shared with you. “let’s go on vacation somewhere, just you and me.” she proposed as she wrapped her arms around your waist.

“i’d like that,” you answered with a giggle, feeling ticklish as she nuzzled her nose into your shoulder. with a deep breath, she inhaled your scent and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “we can leave once the title track is released.”

“how about hawaii?” karina asked, pressing her lips to your neck gently. “i’ve heard their black beaches are gorgeous.”

you hummed in thought, recalling the numerous times you two had mentioned traveling somewhere together just to get away. but with the comeback preparations and summer ambassador activities, your plans were often squashed.

“hm, i don’t know jimin. we have a lot to clean up here.”

she groaned into your neck, “come on, don’t be a bummer, babe.”

however, now that your schedules were going to be much more free, you decided now would be the best time to go.

“fine, lets do it.”

the photos of you two making out on the sandy black beaches in hawaii made headlines the next weekend, but neither of you cared anymore. you didn’t care about hiding, she didn’t care about what people said about her and minjeong. she didn’t care because now she got the girl she wanted, and she wasn’t afraid to show it.

karina’s face was plastered all over media outlets, and aespa gained a lot of attention from your relationship. even though most people didn’t know who you were, once karina publicly mentioned your name in an interview the amount of attention you received was enormous. she had always defended your name though, making sure to come for anyone that dared taint your name. she was fine with people taking her name through the mud, but yours?

she would rather burn her own hands than let someone else harm you.

minjeong and the others were still very upset with their leader, but it wasn’t like they could do anything about it. it wasn’t like the two of you were going to stop.

your once secret, undercover love was now in the light, and the only thing that mattered to you was the success of aespa and your girlfriend’s well being.

but for karina, the only thing that mattered to her was you. that, and what style of ring she was going to buy you after the comeback was over.

after all, weddings were often better in the spring, but this summer was not a bummer at all. the only bummer was how she was going to get her members to forgive her and be her bridesmaids, but that was a problem for later.

a/n: to the anon who requested this...thank you so MUCH 😋

#karina x reader #aespa #winrina #yu jimin #karina #yu jimin x reader #karina aespa #kpop #kpop fic #summer bummer #perfectsunlight

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utilitycaster · 10 months

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So. I finally watched last Thursday`s episode. If youd rather just tell me to go look it up myself, I totally get it, but I dont get the Big Deal with Orym supposedly Going Dark?? Like. He is right. They ARE at war and its time that they put aside the Are the Prime Deities Good (they are, we as an audience have canonical proof of it through 2 main campaigns and Calamity) debate and get behind Ashton`s `The Ruby Vanguard is willing to kill anyone, and thats too dangerous to allow` mindset.

Hey anon!

So I can't speak for people who are saying this, since naturally I disagree, but my suspicions are that it's largely coming from people who were hoping for the campaign to more explicitly affirm their personal politics or ideals and are upset that a heroic fantasy D&D show set in a world with very different norms...continues to be set there, and the characters and stories carry out those norms. It's always been a problem, that some people do not like to acknowledge how different Exandria is from 21st century Earth not just in like, there's elves and magic, but in social mores, and this was a jarring reminder to them.

But I agree that this is Orym affirming Ashton's mindset. I also agree that while we have canonical proof from past works, it's best to craft an argument that doesn't rest of that. It does not matter that we know the prime deities' alignments or how they've acted towards past PCs or more generally whether you do or do not like the idea of a world with gods in it. You have one group who is preying on desperate people to the point that one of those people, when confronted but not injured by people who made him feel like he belonged, nearly killed one of them, and who has murdered and destroyed the minds of anyone in their way; and you have a group that is trying to stop them. Orym is just affirming that he is, absolutely part of the group trying to stop them.

Someone asked me last week what the point of the split was, and I said we couldn't really tell until it was over, but I think it served to show the human side of what had been this grand, overwhelming plan, and what the work might be, if Bells Hells can successfully stop them.

Team Wildemount did see more of the macro level - the destruction of Molaesmyr, the gods calling upon FCG and Deanna - but they also saw the survivors of Molaesmyr in Uthodurn, still morning the destruction of their home almost 300 years ago. We saw Umudara, who can't go home. We saw the infrastructure of Uthodurn break as enchantments failed. We saw clerics and followers of gods feeling terrified and lost. We saw people who were absolutely not involved in pain because of Ludinus and the Vanguard's actions.

Team Issylra, meanwhile, saw what kind of people might be drawn into the Vanguard and Ludinus's words - people dealing with oppression in the name of the gods, and people who have suffered faith-shattering tragedies. I think it's an important element of the story, since we've mostly dealt with high-level people (Otohan, Ludinus, Liliana) and only had a few tussles at the Malleus Key.

Essentially, this all served to say "gods aside, Ludinus, as head and founder of the Ruby Vanguard, is exploiting the oppressed instead of freeing them." Because do you know what would have happened had Hearthdell attacked Kiro on their own? This would have been a bloodbath, and a village would be wiped off the map, because some asshole with a magic microphone is entirely happy to use them up and discard them. What if Bor'Dor hadn't been recruited? What if he just got teleported as just a con man in the Cyrios Mountains, and he came across the party? Ludinus never actually stopped wearing that magic funnel, he just changed the methodology.

I think, similarly, the moment with the locket isn't "I shall become a killing machine." Remember how Ashton said the guy with the locket probably didn't have a family anymore? Orym is, in fact, in my opinion, looking at that, and at Bor'Dor, and saying "I'm not going to become this, despite my own losses and grief, and I'm going to stop it from happening to more people, and the path to that might be difficult and require some actions I wish I didn't have to do but which must be done." And I think Hearthdell shows that there will be work to be done if they stop Ludinus; that the next step is to make sure that worshipers of the gods truly do leave other people alone to live their lives in the places where they're genuinely overstepping and engaging in oppression.

My final thought is that there was a lot of discussion during these arcs that there be someone more unambiguously in favor of the gods, and with all of the above, I think that it worked out beautifully that there wasn't, and that we can stop focusing on the gods and start focusing on the people.

#answered #Anonymous #critical role

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dndhistory · 21 days

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446. Douglas Niles and Tracy Hickman - DL11: Dragons of Glory (1986)

A unique addition to the Dragonlance series of modules, this eleventh entry in the series is not really a continuation of the adventure of our gang of mismatched heroes but a parallel board game. Similarly to the recent fifth edition "Warriors of Krynn" board game that was supposed to be played in conjunction with the Shadow of the Dragon Queen campaign, this entry is actually a board game that is supposed to determine how the wider War of the Lance is going.

It's interesting that we would get this game in parallel to the already existing Battlesystem wargame, but Dragons of Glory is supposed to determine the war at an even larger scale, at the scale of the whole continent, with players moving whole armies around the map instead of being a skirmish battle.

In fact you could play Dragonlance at three levels, the micro level of the roleplaying adventure, a middle level of Battlesystem local battles and a macro level where you would use this game to determine positions of whole armies and war advancement across the continent of Ansalon. If, for example, your roleplaying party happens to be in some location where this game determines there is an active Dragon Army, this should then influence the micro roleplaying action. For this reason you get a massive map and a load of counters bundled with this set as well as rules for this board game. Not sure if anyone actually used this as it seems hard to manage as well as demanding that you get your friends together for yet another game!

#adnd #dnd #ttrpg #ad&d #d&d #dnd art #dungeons and dragons #dungeons & dragons #dragonlance #tracy hickman #douglas niles

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assumptionprime · 3 months

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I hopped on the Experience Boost Binge Bandwagon and read the entire thing on my train home from MAGfest last night and I loved it! Apart from the obvious choice of Zhusen, my favorite character is probably Castor since I, too, enjoy spending too much time doing inane things to bother people (albeit in FFXIV and not WoW). You mentioned in an author's note that Castor's antics are based on your own experiences with Flowers of Happiness, and I was just curious what your all-time favorite player trolling story is, whether it's your own or one you've heard?

My personal favorite- I heard (although I wasn't there and thus don't know for sure) that one reason Spriggan was the last FFXIV server to finish the Ishgardian Restoration is that at one point the players in the firmament unionized and instituted mandatory productivity breaks and delivery quotas.

I hope the Spriggan story is true, that's incredible. Unions are important, and it's high time the craftspeople of Eorzea got Union Strong.

I mentioned this one on that author's note but our guild leader for the Flowers had probably the best one ever back in Everquest: Fansy the Famous Bard (beware, that site is truly ancient, and the chat logs contain multiple slurs being thrown at Fansy). A quick google turns up multiple articles written years later about Fansy and his crusade for the cause of the good guys.

It's from a time when there was more room in MMO mechanics to do truly wild shit. A lot of those edge cases and outlandishly exploitable mechanics have been sanded off of most MMOs over the years, and in some ways its good for the games.

But I will miss playing hide and seek with the flag in Warsong Gulch for three hours while posting "~~This is the Warsong that never ends! It just goes on and on my friends!~~" (They eventually added enemy flag carriers appearing on the map after a few minutes to prevent people like us doing exactly this.)

One that I don't think I mentioned in my old post or ever made it into the comic is when we pretended to be Helpful Bots back in vanilla WoW. Several of us at high/max level were going around the Barrens with a bunch of chat macros, helping lowbies kill mobs and then hitting our macros explaining that we were "Helpful bots sent by the Flowers of Happiness to assist with leveling" and this is "A free service, no need to thank us!" Eventually with our high level help, people would start pulling tons of mobs, at which point our "bot scripts" would malfunction and they would die to mass of enemies they had pulled. At which point we would again say that there was "no need to thank us."

#asks #yes I was a little teenaged shit at the time thank you for noticing

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esuemmanuel · 1 month

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Vibrations that make fire energy; light that travels through the molecules of Life. Because traveling through the galaxy makes me know that I am eternal; I carry, in my spine, the secret of the Universe. Each pore of my bones is the representation of the void of sidereal space. Each fiber of my muscles is the living map of the stars and their celestial conjunction. Each atom that conforms me is the representative drop of the Cosmos and its distant end. I am, with you in Me, a walker of the Macro Cosmos, making the Micro Cosmos a tangible adventure in third density. As the world continues to spin, We (You and I) burn in the Light that causes us to pulsate. And we do not need to leave the world to find in the stars a piece of our most essential existence; they are with Us, we carry them here, in our throbbing chest and in our soul as we breathe.

Vibraciones que hacen del fuego energía; luz que viaja a través de las moléculas de la Vida. Porque viajar a través de la galaxia me hace saberme eterno; llevo, en la columna vertebral, el secreto del Universo.

Cada poro de mis huesos es la representación del vacío del espacio sideral. Cada fibra de mis músculos es el mapa vivo de los astros y sus conjunción celestial. Cada átomo que me conforma es la gota representativa del Cosmos y su lejano final.

Soy, contigo en Mí, un caminante del Macro Cosmos, haciendo del Micro Cosmos una aventura tangible en tercera densidad.

Mientras el mundo sigue girando, Nosotros (Tú y Yo) ardemos en la Luz que nos provoca este palpitar.

Y no necesitamos salirnos del mundo para encontrar en las estrellas un pedazo de nuestra existencia más esencial; ellas están con Nosotros, las llevamos aquí, en nuestro pecho palpitante y en nuestra alma al respirar.

#writers #authors #2015 edición 2024 #el hombre de la soledad #escribiendo en soledad #escritores en tumblr #the man of solitude #writing in solitude #writers on tumblr #pensamientos #poeticstories #ai image

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waitmyturtles · 1 year

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Alright. I’m all caught up on The Eighth Sense. WHOA. Whoa. WHOA. Good. Lord.

First off, before all the theories: this is obviously a really fantastic show, by way of the soundtrack; the use of silence; the cinematography and very varied filming styles; the use of LIGHT and lighting; the film editing and smart, sharp editing cuts (more on this in a sec), and the utterly, UTTERLY amazing acting. CHOPS, we are seeing CHOPS in a show that’s just reducing the usual K-drama tropes to DUST. WOW, KOREA. KOREA SHOWED THE HELLLLLLL UP for this one. This is like zeitgeist-level stuff.

And, oh my god. The kissing scene in the waves. The scene in bed. My heart was taken away. The last scenes, the storm coming in, the waves getting higher and higher, Jae Won yelling Ji Hyun’s name. WHOA.

I know from what I’ve reblogged so far that these points are all being discussed, and I have yet to really dig into the tag because I need to process all of this out in writing first, so I’ll do tag and conversation-digging over the rest of today and tomorrow and re-group with the fam. But working in part from my last post after episode 5, I’ll offer a couple thoughts and theories now, because I just need to get them down, whoa.

I want to set some macro context for myself first, to kind of do a journey map on my understanding of Jae Won. From the start, his friends talk about how Jae Won’s dad is a big shot. Jae Won’s life is supposedly set: if you know about chaebol, you’ll know how controversial it is in Korea (many, MANY K-dramas feature chaebol, including Crash Landing On You and the much more recent Why Her?). It’s controversial because, of course, you always wonder if the "right” people are taking over a business, not by way of merit or talent, but only by way of inheritance (peep the “nutgate” incident with Korean Air as an example) (it’s INSANE) (chaebol is INSANE).

So Jae Won’s friends are, in my view, seething with jealousy that Jae Won has his life set. His dad is prepping Jae Won to take over. Jae Won is rich, good-looking, smart, and the ladies love him.

That’s a lot of pressure for Jae Won. Putting together that his younger brother died, and he’s seeing a therapist, and that it was his parents that had originally sent him to therapy, and it’s indicated that he’s drug-dependent: I do believe, as many of the fam does, that what we’re watching in many of these scenes are dissociations and/or hallucinations. I do believe that, particularly by way of how the show is edited, with REALLY sharp cuts, scenes ending awkwardly and jumpily, scenes filmed in really fuzzy and weirdly lit ways, and threading pieces of scenes together in inconsistently-told ways. The hand-holding scene on the outdoor steps earlier in the series, and how it’s changed by a quick edit when the guys are shown NOT holding hands while walking on the sidewalk right after. I feel like the editing of the show serves as a correction for the jumps happening in Jae Won’s mind and memory.

I offered a theory in my last post that Jae Won might not have gone to the military at all while he was out of school -- that he was instead institutionalized. I set that theory in part on his therapist referencing a previous hospital stint, and on something he said in episode 4: “I just came back from the army. My sense is not on point.” When I first heard him say that, it didn’t smell right to me, as I thought that acclimating back to society after the military was more common for Korean men as almost all Korean men have to get drafted. But I’ve changed my mind somewhat after convos with the wonderful @emotionallychargedtowel and @stl29tide in the comments of that post, with ECT mentioning in part that it’s very common for returning soldiers to experience difficulties while re-acclimating back to society.

So I’m now caught between two theories here, and I wonder if either can be applicable.

Theory 1) I do still think it’s plausible that Jae Won didn’t go to the military while he was away from school -- I think it’s plausible that he could have been institutionalized, but I’m less sure about that now, after the convos with ECT and S2T (thank you BOTH for your insights!).

Theory 2) Jae Won DID indeed go to the military, but his difficulties re-acclimating -- VERY MUCH ALONG with his other present issues -- have contributed to a serious dissociation episode in episode 6. This is likely more plausible.

Both theories are linked by yet another opinion. I believe that when Jae Won woke up after his bender in episode 5, he dissociated after his dad began knocking on his door and yelling. I’m not sure if the camera breaking was in the dissociation or in reality, but I believe the entire beach trip in episode 6 was part of the dissociation triggered by Jae Won’s dad and the pressures that Jae Won’s dad represents. I believe the utterly gorgeous filming style, the lighting, the weird jump to sleeping inside on a bed from the beach, the inconsistent scenes from morning on the beach, to surfing, to sex, to surfing again, to possible drowning -- I believe all of that is meant to be representative of dissociation.

Whew. Okay. Another theory. I do believe that Jae Won’s dad/family sent Jae Won to therapy in high school, possibly after his little brother’s death. I also still believe, as I posited in my last post, that Jae Won’s therapy could be a form of conversion therapy. Why do I think this?

(I just want to say that I keep repeating “I believe” because, y’all -- I totally think this entire series could be one big dissociation. Fight Club-like. So I’m trying to grasp at what I think is real-ish by indicating those factors as such.)

I can’t find it.... damn it, I can’t find it, but someone posted about the bed scene, and how Ji Hyun seemed more comfortable than Jae Won in bed. How Ji Hyun actually seemed/seems more comfortable in his queerness than Jae Won. (If anyone can link me to that post, I would be forever grateful!)

That REALLY got me thinking. I thought that was SO SMART, and I rewatched the scene to confirm that I agree there, which I do.

Another piece of evidence to this theory, as I mentioned in the comments of that last post, is when the therapist says in episode 5: as Jae Won talks about Ji Hyun (or....at least....we *think* he’s talking about Ji Hyun), the therapist says “I hope you can build a good relationship without crossing the line.”

Now. BEFORE episode 6, where Jae Won talked about his little brother, I wondered why Jae Won was in therapy. It was STATED that he was there because of high school pressures. But the ways in which that therapist has been presented have been so weird. Like in episode 1 -- in only the SECOND scene of the entire series -- we see the therapist joking around, saying “For God’s sake, just tell me what your worries are!” and then giggling. I mean -- um, maybe they have a good rapport, but that’s definitely not how *I* learned how a therapist should act in grad school, ha. (I’d LOVE @emotionallychargedtowel‘s thoughts on the therapist’s bedside manner if you’re up to it -- no pressure at all.)

After putting together the chaebol deal with Jae Won’s dad, and that his family sent him to therapy in high school, and that the therapist talked about him being in a hospital in episode 5, AND that line about “[not] crossing a line” -- all of this screams to me of Jae Won’s family trying to “set him straight,” if you will. I seriously wonder.... if Jae Won became drug dependent vis à vis his therapist because his family needs him to be “normal” to take over the family business. I wonder if Jae Won, with EVERYTHING he might be holding -- from his queerness, to potential guilt related to his little brother, to the PRESSURES of being the family heir -- was either PUSHED to be drug dependent to fall in line, or has fallen into addiction as a result of those pressures.

I... would not put either of these theories past a domineering chaebol family.

Finally. After re-watching the very first scene of the series, and the very last scene of episode 6, and seeing how they’re the same, it all seriously makes me wonder if everything that we’ve seen so far is one big dream sequence.

IN OTHER WORDS, Y’ALL. HOLY SHIT. Anything and everything is possible in this absolute MASTERPIECE of a show.

Other quick notes before I stop:

1) I stan Joon Pyo and Ae Ri -- MVPs. They care for our boy! (....if Ji Hyun even exists.)

2) Jung Seo In, who plays Ji Hyun’s boss, was also in Where Your Eyes Linger (I knew I recognized her!).

3) I’ve seen so many posts referencing the AMAZZZZINNNGGG music of this show, placed and edited SO WELL, and I just want to say that I am loving all the analyses.

Okay, phew, that’s all I got. I’m on the train with y’all for the rest of this ride.

(@lurkingshan, tag tag!)

#the eighth sense #the eighth sense meta #jae won x ji hyun #ji hyun x jae won #WOW AM I EVER GLAD I PICKED THIS UP BUT IT IS CONFUSING AS HELL #thankfully not in like a midnight museum way #more in like a fight club way #my heart bleeds for jae won

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