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chaoticbardlady99 · 6 months

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I Don't Wanna Be Your Friend (Astarion x GN! Reader)

This man has a chokehold on me and I have been plagued by this idea for about a week.

Title inspired by the song "i wanna be your girlfriend" by girl in red

CW: Mentions of violence and gore (not descriptive), bit of angst, comfort

(Not my photo. I believe it belongs to Daily Gaming)

Synopsis- You and Astarion are in the middle of a war to prove who can set the best traps. However, a lack of rules seems to have gotten you into a predicament neither one of you had anticipated.

Sometimes you take it a smidge too far.

You would love to tell people you are some cunning, daring rogue, but the reality is that you are consistently flying by the seat of your pants. Occasionally it works really well- this was not one of those times.

You never felt the need to prove anything to anyone.

Well, until you met Astarion. Within the first three days of traveling with him, your confidence and patience began to wear thin. He would make snide comments when watching you attempt to unlock a chest or when you scare off your prey by tripping over a bush. Then he would smirk at you- with that stupid, beautiful smirk.

He enjoys adding salt to the wound by taking on the task you failed at; usually lock picking, sneak attacks, and Gods only knows what else he could make fun of you for. You are very aware that you are not some fancy rogue and it never bothered you until now. You had accepted long ago that you are just a street urchin moving up in the world after teaching yourself the trade.

The final straw had been when you had placed traps to catch dinner. Your traps had been successful (naturally- traps were your thing) and you brought back three bunnies for Gale’s stew.

Oh, but of course Astarion had something to say. He always has something to say.

“Oh look at that- how cute. I’m sure sheerluck was on your side,” he quips, “You’ll get better eventually.”

Thus began the war of all wars.

It started with small traps- nuisances really. Tripwire, a laughing or sleep rune well hidden, and traps that release horrible smells. Then it quickly took a turn for the worst; what were once harmless pranks turned into trip wires that release a swarm of bees, simple pits began to get deeper, and blasting traps that would send either one of you flying into a nearby object. It was never truly life threatening, just questionable.

Well, except for the bees. The bees were not the greatest thought in hindsight; considering both you and Astarion had to help each other with the bee stings- Shadowheart refusing to be involved. You both laughed and he even complimented you on your cleverness. You swore you could have exploded in that moment.

You have a massive, childish crush on the man and maybe the competition was your subconscious way of getting closer to him. However, your other companions were getting sick of it pretty quickly.

They had all hoped after the Tiefling party that the two of you would put your silly competition to rest so that you could all travel together in peace and they would just have to deal with PDA.

What a silly thing for them to think. PDA hasn't happened, but the pranks did become less risky and less frequent. You were okay with this change.

You feel like you and Astarion have become close friends. Even though your tryst didn’t lead to a romantic relationship as you had hoped, you were happy to have Astarion in your life in any capacity. If that was just as a friend- then so be it.

Which brings us back to the beginning- when you realize that your ‘trap war’ had paper thin rules and the lack of rules just might be the thing that actually kills you on this journey.

All you wanted to do was clean yourself off. It had been one last relaxing day before you set off to the Creche, but you had thought you might treat yourself. Baths were rare and far between these days and you want to enjoy it while you have it. However, you were not planning for a simple snare trap to foil your entire evening.

You get hoisted up into the air, slammed against the tree, and drop all of your belongings- including the knife you brought ‘just incase’. You glared at the knife and put your hand to your blood fountain of a nose.

“Traitor,” you whisper with a pout as you look for a way to escape the trap.

Suddenly, you freeze as instincts kick in. You hear the Gnolls before you see them. Your bloody nose from the impact of the tree had led them to you. They attempt to claw at you- trying to rip you down from the tree. You feel their claws tear into your back, the side of your arms, and one of them even manages to take a swipe at your abdomen as you scramble to escape. The cuts weren't life threatening, but they hurt. A LOT.

You manage to use the rope to pull yourself up onto one of the tree limbs; allowing you to hide some of your body from the Gnolls, but you now have an arrow protruding out of your right thigh so obviously that isn’t working well either.

You bite back tears, frozen in fear. You really did not want to die this way and you certainly didn’t want it to be because of Astarion’s trap. You have a feeling he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if you died because of him.

You can imagine the blame and anger the rest of your companions would direct at him if the worst happened. You imagine the bloodshed- knowing full well that everyone (minus Karlach) would not forgive him for accidentally killing you. Lae’zel would be the first one to put a stake in his chest- her fondness for you is no secret.

Your heart thumps painfully at that thought and your resolve hardens. You will not die because you will not let that happen to Astarion.

You look around, your arms and legs shaking still with the residual shock and fear. You look for any sharp branches, a forgotten knife lodged somewhere, or even something you could cast a cantrip on to distract them. You have no such luck.

You resign yourself to your fate- the tears making a reappearance.

Unless one of your companions finds you first- you are going to either have to wait for the Gnolls to get bored and leave or they are going to kill you.

You pray to every God you can think of that you will survive the night.

_________________________________________________

Astarion is trying to not look so desperate as he reads the first page for the hundredth time.

You had walked off a little over two hours ago- Lae’zel is on watch while the rest of your companions sleep soundly in their bed rolls.

The longer your bedroll remains empty, the more the pit grows in his stomach.

He didn’t know how to navigate your relationship after the tiefling party.

His feelings for you are confusing. The sex had felt different, he enjoys your company immensely, and he likes how warm he feels around you.

Instead of talking to you like a normal person or taking a moment to reflect, he decided to find some common ground- something you could laugh and talk about later. Normalcy.

He set up a snare trap close to the river you were all using to clean off and then a laughter rune trap somewhere on the path to the Creche. Hypothetically, they are very safe traps.

Unless he rigged them wrong? What if you ran into one of them and….

No, I am sure they are just fine.

He doesn’t even believe his own lie.

After about another five minutes, the anxiety rolling in his stomach becomes unbearable so he grabs his daggers and sets off in the direction you had gone two hours earlier.

He walks quickly through the forest, checking his surroundings and looking for evidence that you were close by. As the minutes pass, he feels the hope of finding you safe shrink.

The wind hits his nose and he becomes stock-still.

He smells your blood- an alarming amount of it-in the air as he gets closer to the river. He fears the worst as he goes to look at the trap- hoping you will forgive him- that you are alive. Safe.

He peers through the bushes and his eyes grow wide as the scene before him unfolds.

You are stuck up in the tree- his trap is still around your ankle. You are holding onto the branch like your life depends on it. It probably does since there are five Gnolls circling the tree like vultures.

He can hear your soft broken sobs as arrows fly over you or hit the tree. He notices the arrow in your leg and watches as a second one lodges itself into your calf. You wince and close your eyes tightly- unknown to you that Astarion’s vision is clouded in red and his whole body fills with destructive, hot rage. He also feels fear, but he pushes it away, not ready to explore the why.

He lunges forward, slashing at the Gnolls with so much force that they are practically in half by the time they hit the forest floor. He is a man possessed as he carves his way through all five gnolls and then he climbs up the tree to you.

His chest aches as he looks at you. He will never be able to forgive himself for causing you so much suffering.

“Darling,” he says softly.

You whimper in response and when you look at him- he feels all the air leave his lunges. If he needed air, he would have passed out right then. Your eyes were glassy with traces of fear, sadness, and loneliness- all emotions he is all too familiar with. Then you see it’s him and the biggest smile crosses your lips and you look at him with so much affection he almost feels ill. This was not the plan and he almost made you a midnight snack for a group of Gnolls.

“You found me,” you say in a raspy, raw voice, “I thought I was going to be stuck here all night until Karlach or Gale found me. Or I was going to die.”

You chuckle, but Astarion can’t get himself to share your same enthusiasm about his rescue mission as he cuts the rope.

He helps you down the tree and safely back on the ground. Astarion winces as you pull the arrows out of your leg. You find a healing potion amongst your things and chug it.

He collects your stuff for you. You give him another one of those brilliant smiles and Astarion tries to smile just as brightly back. You furrow your brows, but he turns away before you can keep analyzing him.

“We should head back,” Astarion mumbles.

______________________________________________

The silence hangs in the air as Astarion walks with you back to camp. After about 15 minutes, you are back at camp and the tension in the air is suffocating.

“Astarion.”

Astarion freezes, turns on his heels, and looks everywhere but your eyes. He couldn’t bare to see you smile at him again- look at him like that again- not after he almost killed you.

You maneuver yourself so you are looking in his eyes.

“It’s not your fault,” he begins to protest when you shush him, “we didn’t set any rules and the trap itself was harmless. We didn't account for Gnolls when we started this whole thing.”

“I almost got you killed.”

“But you didn’t. It easily could have been you in that situation and me saving you.”

“Will you please stop being so Gods damn forgiving,” he huffs with exasperation as he feels tears prick his eyes, “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I put your life in danger. I almost-”

Lost you. He chokes on the words. The fear from earlier begins to come back to the front of his mind. Watching you cling to that tree, crying, and in pain had made him realize that you just might be more important to him than he cares to admit. However, that’s a conversation for another time- once he sorts out what that feeling in his chest is whenever he looks at you.

You look at him sharply, your eyes raw with sadness, “Stop that right now. I am okay. I lived. It was a mistake and I know your intentions were not bad. You don’t have anything to worry about Star.”

He doesn’t say anything and you hang your head.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I- I should go-“ Astarion pauses as you interrupt him.

“Please don’t leave,” you whisper, “I rather enjoy your company.”

You look at him with tears welling in your eyes. He stares at you in stunned silence, searching your face for any sign of deception, but he doesn't find it. His body moves before his brain can process what he is doing.

Astarion gently cradles your face in his hands and kisses you slowly, softly. He smiles despite himself when a gasp leaves your lips. You're alive and safe. When the warmth in his chest begins to spread throughout the rest of his body, he pulls away and steps back. Your face is flushed, a beautiful blush spreading across your cheeks. You look at him with wide, unblinking eyes before you shyly smile. Astarion could have melted in that moment. He finds himself smiling too.

“Well I’m assuming that means you are going to stay?”

“I suppose I’ll stay,” he says while tapping his chin, “you do need someone to make sure you aren’t getting into trouble like that again.”

You feign hurt and scoff, “Are you suggesting that this was my fault?”

“Maybe if you were better with traps that wouldn’t have happened,” Astarion teases.

You narrow your eyes at Astarion and you try to hold back a smile. You roll your eyes and stick your tongue out at him.

You start towards camp before you pause and turn around. Astarion gives you a confused look.

You run over to him and place a kiss on his cheek. He tenses for a moment before relaxing again. You look at him sweetly, a soft smile on your lips.

“Good night Astarion.”

As you saunter towards your respective tents, Astarion takes one last glance at your tent- at you- before he lays down with his book. Except he still can’t get past the first page- he is too anxious for the sun to come up so that he can see your smile again.

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 spoilers #astarion x you #astarion romance #astarion x tav #bg3 #astarion x gn!tav #bg3 companions

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princess-of-the-corner · 4 months

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So, how do you think the other supporting characters' (who have pony counterparts that is) outfits on Equestria Girls were with Celestia, Luna, the CMC, Cadance, Trixie, Starlight Glimmer, Big Mac, Lyra, Bon Bon, DJ Pon 3, Maud Pie, Zephyr Breeze, Cranky Doodle, Snips, Snails, Shining Armor, Photo Finish, Bulk Biceps, Granny Smith, Miss Cheerilee, Octavia Melody, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and Derpy?

Okay let's go down the line!

Celestia - I like this! It fits her tbh. I do laugh a little at how they tried to make the crown in her hair by giving her these little cowlicks.

Luna - I'm like 90% fine with Luna's outfit but I just. Why??? Why did they change her skin tone?? She's so light!! What happened??? Like I know some characters got a touch lighter compared to the pony's coats, but Luna's one of the ones who got it the worst

CMC - putting them together because honestly I like all their default outfits. I think maybe Applebloom's is a touch plain, but if that's my biggest criticism...

Cadence - Hers is.... alright. Like it looks good on her, but it's also a work uniform designed to match-but-stand-out from the Crystal Prep looks, so we don't see as much of Cadence herself in the design. I'm not sure what I'd put her in for something more casual.

Trixie - She is perfect 10/10. I love her main outfit, but I also 100% ADORE her look in Rainbow Rocks.

Starlight - I don't like this look. Don't get me wrong, it's a great outfit! Just not for Starlight. Like she's an ex-cult leader learning how to actually make friends why does she look like she's about to chill at a skatepark?

Big Mac - Almost perfect but why??? With the skintone again???? Like some people argue that they changed it to avoid a racism thing because 'red sk*n' is a slur against Native Americans but that's a stretch and doesn't make sense for many reasons.

Lyra - I do not like this one. The pink is a bit too clashing for a main color(I'd allow it for an accent/accessory but not the main shirt and boots) and wtf are those shorts?

Bon Bon - This one's cute! The white might be a touch too overwhelming, but it's still cute!

DJ Pon-3 - Perfection! I love her!

Maud - tbh they literally just took her pony counterpart's dress and it 100% vibes with her. Perfect no notes.

Zephyr - he looks absolutely awful but in a good way because it fits his character's vibes oh my GOD he's a loser. Like if you showed me him with no context, ofc my first guess would be 'couch-surfing stoner who eventually became a hairdresser'.

Cranky - his actual /face/ looks so weird because they're trying hard to bring in the donkey look, but his clothing choices match him well.

Snips - very generic but he looks like a typical kid of that age

Snails - a bit more personality compared to Snips, making him a touch more awkward, but still quite generic.

Shining Armor - no. Just. Idk. I feel like Cadence probably dressed him so he'd look nice for that meeting with Principal Cinch but she did it by raiding his dad's closet. I don't think he'd look too messy ofc, considering the Pony is a Guard Captain the Human is probably military or police, but what they gave him doesn't quite work and it shouldn't be something he wears casually.

Photo Finish - Like Maud, they just took her Pony Counterpart's dress and put it on a Human. So it 100% works and is designed to vibe with her.

Bulk - Absolutely on brand

Granny Smith - Her design itself is a bit off to me because her pony self is very thin but her human self is fat? It's weird. But the outfit itself is nice. Very 'granny' vibes.

Cheerilee - The design itself is weird because it's another one where they fucked with the colors, this time switching her hair and skintone? But the outfit is very cute and good to convey 'teacher' vibes. I think my biggest complaint (other than the color switch) is that there's not much to differentiate her as being a teacher instead of another student. (then again.... considering Big Mac is apparently still a student, maybe she is too?)

Octavia - See here's a character where 'nerd prep' works! Great design!

Diamond Tiara - yellow is not the right color for her. It's. It doesn't look right. It's too much. I like the outfit otherwise, just switch the yellow for maybe a blue or purple.

Silver Spoon - absolutely adorable no notes!

Derpy - Adorable. The colors seem a touch off, but it kinda vibes with her personality. Unfortunately she commits the penultimate sin of socks and sandals.

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softlyapocalytpic · 1 year

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🎵🔥🔥🔥

I WILL be taking this as an excuse to talk about my best worst girl. Which is actually so difficult because she has so many songs I love her so now I have to pick one.

I think I'll do two to reflect the different sides of her.

Lets start with wholesome!

Family by Mother Mother

They is my family, they is my family They might be crazy, but they is my family You can't get to them unless you get through me You fuck with them you fuck with me

A motley crew, a rodeo A goddamn zoo, a circus show But oh don't you know how it goes We are all walking each other home

By the end of Two of a Kind the companions of FNV are one big very dysfunctional found family. They're rough around the edges, carrying trauma and loneliness, but by the end they know if they don't have anyone else then they have each other. She gets them all something with their "gangs" logo on it since most of them refuse to wear the leather jackets. They're the "Lucky 8's" a play on Lucky 38 and the number of members they had at the time she made them.

Sunny is insanely protective over them and would rather let the world burn then lose a single one of them (and Half Pint echoes all these sentiments). Sunshine doesn't really remember the life she had before and she's okay with leaving it behind as of this point in her story. These are the people that have been with her through her worst moments, they're who are with her in the present, and she loves them more than anything.

They are also how she reforms her moral compass/code of ethics post being shot.

No Limits by Royal Deluxe

This is one of those songs that I feel like really embodies who Sunny is at her core. She yoyo's between Good & Neutral on the alignment scale, but she's always chaotic.

I'm tired of waiting Lost or I'm sitting at home Dream of a new destination Lust for something unknown

If I had a word to describe Sunny in a nutshell it would be wanderlust. She wants to EXPLORE, see everything the world has to offer, and she is always wandering. She isn't content to sit still in one place and she embraces the unknown with open arms.

What do I do? What do I say? Am I chasin' down dreams Or runnin' away?

I think this reflects the double-edged sword for her thirst for adventure, she is so obsessed with the present moment that she's constantly running away from her past. It's both one of her best qualities and one of her worst. She might not have that "old world blues" but she's leaving a lot behind that she doesn't actually want to.

No limits, no ceiling, no crown No pressure gonna hold me down No stopping 'til I break every rule And no limits to what I can do

I don't think it'd be necessarily fair to diagnose Sunny with a full blown god complex, but she... well I think she definitely can behave adjacent to that. She walks through life with a devil-may-care attitude and she doesn't allow silly things like the law, societal expectations, or even her own status stop her from doing whatever the fuck she wants. She struggles to make her own code of ethics even though she does have a line, but she does love to dance. By the end of the story, is low-key convinced she can't be killed because of how strong she's become. So she dives into danger headfirst.

Stay here in a moment 'Cause I'm free to be my own man

And this, this is her in two phrases. She lives in the present moment near perpetually disinterested in her own past that haunts her every step, and puts the freedom of herself and others as her guiding "moral" light.

There's so many songs I could wax on about with her and I'm tempted to keep going but then this post will be.... so long..... <3 Thank you for sending this in (and now I'm off to see if you reblogged this to see if I can send this in to you).

#courier sunshine #fallout new vegas #ask game #ask meme

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kahran042 · 8 months

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Adrian's Adventures in Time!

Lately, I've been wondering what one of my OCs would do if they were chosen to take the place of the protagonist in Pepper's Adventures in Time, so I decided to go with Adrian "The Anti-Fraggle" Bernhardt because I can't imagine any of my OCs who's less like Pepper, but still has a beloved pet. I hope I didn't make him too unlikable here, but considering who he's interacting with… at any rate, enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Adrian: Uh-oh. Liberty Bell? Hare Krishnas? This looks familiar. I'm… trapped in Pepper's Adventures in Time, perhaps one of the worst edutainment products ever released! NOOOOO! Narrator: Out of curiosity, how do you know about Pepper's Adventures in Time? Adrian: Mom got it for Kiera when she was nine. She didn't like it, either, and we made fun of it together once.

Narrator: FALSE. No way! These guys are totally un-colonial. The Hare Krishnas, a cult stressing devotion to the Hindu god Krishna, first appeared in the United States in 1966, and they DIDN'T crack the Liberty Bell. The Liberty Bell was actually cracked at the foundry or forge. Adrian: No, it wasn't. They wouldn't have let a cracked or broken bell out of the forge. The Liberty Bell was forged by abolitionists to be rung whenever a slave was freed, but because said abolitionists were almost as cynical as yours truly, it was made of substandard materials, and it was cracked by its own clapper while being rung sometime in the early 19th century. Narrator: Well, excuse me, Professor Know-It-All. By the way, that was a demonstration of the Truth Icon. Use it often! Now back to Pep--er, Adrian's Adventures in Time…

Poor Richard: Prithee, lass--my, but thy clothing is odd! Oh, I am rude. I do not mean to offend, stranger. Prithee, have mercy! Adrian: Okay, you have to be one of the ugliest people I've ever seen. And I'm not a lass. Poor Richard: I have commited no crime, lass, and my name's not O'Kay. My ancestry is English, not Irish. Poor Richard, at thy service. Adrian: If you haven't commited a crime, then why are you in the stocks? Poor Richard: Well, 'tis a long story, but I am at thy mercy. You see, something awful has happened to Benjamin Franklin. He once led the people of our fair city to be wise and good and frugal. Now he gives them ridiculous, silly advice, and they follow like a flock of sheep! Adrian: If you ask me, it's what they deserve for never learning to think for themselves. Poor Richard: Foolishness and frivolity rule our once fair colony, thanks to Ben! Adrian: Ben probably isn't totally innocent, but like I said, if the colonists weren't so stupid, none of this would have happened. Poor Richard: For pointing out their folly, my friends and neighbors have clapped me into these stocks. Please, lass, I need thy help most desperately! Adrian: For the third time, I'm a lad, not a lass. And why should I let you out? You could be lying about being innocent. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: Well, maybe I just don't feel like it. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: This is starting to seem familiar. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: … Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: … Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: …FINE. I'll let you out. does so

Narrator: It's Terra! Twenty-two ounces of musteline attitude, and LOTS of teeth!

Watchman: Here now! I saw what you did! You let that criminal go! Adrian: To be fair, he wore me down with incessant "but thou must"-ing. Terra: starts sniffing the watchman's feet Watchman: I'm the King's own watchman, I am, and you're under arrest! Adrian: For what? For tampering with the King's justice, for outlandish dress, and--HEY! Yer a girl, are ye not?!? Adrian: Trust me, you're not the first person to make that mistake. Watchman: Ye can't fool me, you're a girl! You're also charged with wearing trousers in public! C'mere, you! Let's just empty those pockets! Watchman: tries to grab Adrian Adrian: dodges the grab, then throws the watchman to the ground with a swift nagewaza Narrator: Adrian wins. Flawless victory. Adrian picks up Terra, who is sniffing at the unconscious watchman Adrian: And now we just need to find some way back to our own time. C'mon, girl. Wait, what's that!? A carriage pulls up, and Adrian hides in a nearby alleyway. Suddenly, a cat appears out of nowhere, and Terra leaps out of Adrian's arms and starts doing the weasel war dance Adrian: Terra! NO! Terra bumps her head on the side of the carriage and faints Pugh: Oh, bother, what is it now? Some snot-nosed colonial brat, I suppose. I just had these wheels polished, you know. Percy: It appears to be some sort of cat…snake…thing, General Pugh, sir. Ima: A kitty! Oooooh! The watchman enters Watchman: 'Ay! Has anyone seen a strangely clad young girl about? She's a felon, and that rat-like creature over there is her accomplice! Adrian (thinking): Wait. Didn't I just kick that guy's ass? Percy: Well that hardly matters, does it, you malodorous fellow. That cat snake is dead. Watchman: It is not! It's just stunned, it is! Percy: See here now, man, that creature is stiff as a board! Watchman: That creature was stiff before it ever hit your carriage! See there, he's looking at you! Hello, whatever kind of creature you are! Percy: It is NOT looking at me because it CAN'T look at me! That cat snake has perished! It is deceased! Defunct! It is an EX-CAT SNAKE! Adrian (thinking): Judging by their desecration of a classic comedy routine, I'm assuming that these are the bad guys. Hope Terra's all right. Terra gets up Watchman: See! I told you! I told you! Percy: Oh, why don't you just shut your gob and find this mysterious girl, you fatwit! Watchman: Yes, sir! Right away, sir!

Adrian: Why hasn't anyone done anything about that bastard General Pugh? Quibble: Because everyone in this town is a spineless coward, that's why. Have you ever seen more worthless men in your life? Victor: Who asked you, toots? Anyway, there WERE some people who wanted to get rid of him. Especially Ben Franklin! But when he changed his mind and said "Everybody do your own thing", I guess we all changed our minds, too. Quibble: That would be a nice theory, dear, if you had a mind to change. Adrian: Hey, you stole my line! At any rate, you aren't doing your own thing. You're still marching in lockstep with Ben. Victor: Zip it, babe. Quibble: In your dreams, weasel boy. Adrian: What's with all your weasel-bashing? If Terra were here, I'm sure that she would be deeply offended.

Adrian: What's your name? Quibble: I'm Quibble Quabble, and this thing is the love of my life, Vicar Victor Bicker. Adrian: I'm sorry to hear that. Your parents must have really hated you… both of you, actually. Victor: I can speak for myself, dearest. Quibble: Put a cork in it, dearest. Adrian (thinking): Yeah, yeah. Just fuck and make up, already.

Adrian: What's up with Ben Franklin? I've heard that he might be disturbed. Quibble: Oh, Ben's not disturbed! He's really cool. He's the one who taught us to, you know, let all your feelings out. Adrian: …Because Ben would normally support repressing one's emotions? Victor: "Ben"? "Cool"? You like him, don't you, Quibby! You have a crush on Ben Franklin! I knew it. I just knew it! Quibble: Helloo! Why don't you come and live in this world with us, Victor? Ben is married! Geez. Adrian: Never stopped Ben.

Adrian: Why hasn't anyone done anything about the Pughs? Quibble: Hey, they're a pain and all, but most of us have our own problems. We don't have time to save the world from British generals, you dig? Victor: What, you're too busy doing your nails? You have no sense of social injustice, Quibby. Quibble: Oh, go tell it to the chickens in the henhouse, weasel-boy! Adrian: Seriously, at least TRY to come up with some new insults.

Narrator: TRUE. Most colonial women sewed clothes for themselves and their families, but upper-class women often had their sewing done elsewhere. They had really important things to do, like painting china and learning to dance. Adrian: But would a colonial shop really be called "Ye Olde Sew and Sew"?

Narrator: TRUE and FALSE. Colonial bakeries certainly had signs, but they didn't have names like "Ye Olde Sprouts and Rice". The concept of health food wasn't around yet. Adrian: So, you'll point out the anachronism of a health food store in 1764, but not the inherent anachronism of a store in olden times being called "Ye Olde Whatever"? Narrator: Come to think of it, that's actually a wicked good point. Adrian: Thanks. Wait a minute. What do you mean, "actually"?

Tattle: Hello? Oh, 'tis a fine young girl. Can I help you, lass? Adrian: Where do I start? I'm lost in time, the Pughs stole my ferret, everyone seems to think that I'm a girl, and I don't know what to do. Tattle: Now, just relax, lassie. My name is Tattle Taleteller, and I know everything about everyone! Just tell me what you want to know! Adrian: I said this to that other lady, too, but your parents must have really hated you, even more than mine hate me. Also, I am not a "lassie". I'm 100% man, despite my androgynous charm.

Adrian: Have the Pughs always been like this? Tattle: Oh, yes! When old Hugh Pugh I was here, things were even worse. I guess we're just lucky that Hugh Pugh II spends so much time powdering his wig instead of making us miserable! Adrian (thinking): That has got to be an innuendo. Wait, did they even have innuendos in colonial times? No, they must have had them. After all, Shakespeare used them.

Adrian: Ima Pugh stole my ferret! Have you heard anything about that? Tattle: What's a ferret? Adrian: It's pretty much hamster hardware running cat software. Tattle: Oh, that's right. I heard just a little while ago that the Pughs got a new pet. I'm so sorry, little girl! You'll forget about him, in time. Adrian: In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a girl. And my ferret isn't a "him", for that matter. At any rate, I can't just forget her. She's one of the four things I love. Tattle: Oh, didn't you know? Animals who go into Penn Mansion NEVER come out, dearie. At least not…the same way.

Adrian: What can you tell me about Ben Franklin? Tattle: Ben is perfectly fine. After all, he did give us the excellent Doctrine of Personal Mellowness and all. But that's not the whole story, no ma'am! I heard that Ben and his wife Deborah are having problems! Yes ma'am, she's always leaving the house to go somewhere! SOME people say she's seeing another man. Adrian: Hey, what's a relationship without a bit of mutual adultery? Tattle: SOME people say it's that Poor Richard! Adrian: Poor Richard? Having sex? With another human being? Right, and I'm Matthias Corvinus, King of Hungary and Croatia.

Narrator: TRUE. A colonial bakery might have been run by a woman. It didn't happen that often, but it wasn't unheard of. Adrian: Yes, but that's not a woman. It's some sort of anthropomorphic pig creature.

Adrian: Can you help me? Goody: Certainly, child! What do you need? Some soy flour? Some tofu? A nice cabbage cookie, perhaps? Adrian: No, thank you. shudders Goody: Well, you don't seem to be affected by the mass lunacy that's plagued this colony! I believe you actually shuddered at the mention of tofu! Adrian: It was the cabbage cookies that made me shudder. Honestly, I kind of… like tofu if it's cooked right. I'm guessing you haven't been affected by this "mass lunacy" either, then? Goody: No, thank heavens. Nice to meet you. I'm Goody Gumdrops, and I own this once fine establishment. If there's anything I can do for you, let me know. Adrian (thinking): And that's three! Three women in this town with unbelievably stupid names! At least this one seems nice enough.

Adrian: Is it true that Ben Franklin is responsible for the weirdness going on here? Goody: It is! He came into town dressed like a fool, all covered in beads. Then he started passing out his foolish Doctrine of Personal Mellowness. Adrian: Hey! Don't insult fools. That's the freakin' 0th Major Arcana of the Tarot you're talking about. Goody: My friends and neighbors BELIEVED it! Before I knew it, they were ALL dressed like Ben! Adrian: Has it occurred to you that your friends and neighbors might be mindless sheeple who can't think for themselves? Goody: Then they started talking strangely. Everything was "Groovy". And it gets worse! They all stopped working, and developed bad habits almost instantly! Now they're all as worthless as a bunch of lame oxen! Adrian: Sounds like it's butchering time. Goody: You seem like a sensible lass. You should go to Ben's house and try to talk him out of this foolishness. May you have more luck than I did. Adrian: I'm not a lass. And wouldn't it be a better idea to teach these idiots to actually think instead of just blindly following what Ben tells them?

Adrian: Was this always a health-food store? Goody: Heavens, no! You could get anything you wanted here, from strawberry tea cakes, to airy cream puffs, to chocolate bonbons! Adrian: Anything except healthy food, apparently. realizes he's drooling, wipes his mouth Goody: When the town went mad, they stopped eating sugar! All they wanted was tofu and brown rice! They BURNED my bonbon recipe! Adrian: Yeah, totally sounds like the "let it be" attitude of the hippie movement. These are clearly not normal hippies. They're poorly-written strawman hippies created with the express purpose of initiating a tedious fetch quest! Goody: They even made me change the name of my store from "Goody's Delectable Delights" to "Ye Olde Sprouts and Rice". HMMPH! Adrian: Both of those names sound pretty anachronistic, if you ask me. Goody: I can't even get chocolate anymore. Oh, how I miss the smell of baking chocolate! Adrian: By "baking chocolate", do you mean chocolate made for baking or chocolate that's being baked?

Narrator: A swarm of pesky flies are buzzing around Goody's shop. Adrian: Shouldn't that be "A swarm of pesky flies IS buzzing around Goody's shop"? And isn't "pesky flies" redundant?

Adrian: Did you say you were a gamer? Roland: Indeed I am, lass! My name's Roland Bettmuch, and games are my life. Interested in a game of chance, or a game of skill? Poker, perhaps? Adrian: You do know that poker won't be invented until 1829, right? And I'm not a lass. Roland: Oh, drat. Those uncool Pughs took my deck of cards. Darts? No, they took those too. Let's see, what do I have… Jacks? No. Chess? No. Checkers? No. Horsehoes? No… Hey, I know, do you have a horse? Adrian: No, but-- Roland: Total bummer! My aura is turning dark! Adrian (thinking): ♪ Without your light, and I will sing no requiem tonight. ♪ Roland: Oh, wait, I know. We'll play marbles. I've got them right here… Adrian: This had better not be going where I think it's going. Roland: AAAAAH! I'VE… Adrian: Finish that sentence, and you'll regret it. Roland: If you find them, let me know, okay? Later, Cosmic Cat.

Adrian: Here are your stupid marbles. That will be one shilling, please. Roland: Ha ha ha! You are a little sharpie, aren't you, kid! Tell you what. You give me the marbles, and I'll teach you to gamble with the best of 'em. Adrian: No. No money, no marbles. Roland: MONEY?!? But kid, where's the sport in that? Where's the action? Where's the thrill of the Game? Don't you have the Game in your heart? Adrian: Yes. My games are Magic: The Gathering and Super Smash Bros. I need a shilling to get back to a time when those games exist. Now hand it over. Roland: Oh, all right. Here's a shilling. It's all I have, you little robber. Adrian: Thanks. Roland: Oh, go fly a kite. flicks a shilling to Adrian, who catches it Adrian: Way to get crap past the radar! I hate to say it, but thumbs up.

Adrian (thinking): Wow, and I thought that baker lady was fat. Lee: Yes? (Chomp munch) What can I do for you, lass? (Belch!) Would you perhaps like to groove on a nice leg of lamb? (Urp) Adrian: No, thanks. I'm not really hungry, and I'm not a lass. What I'd-- Lee: WHAT?!? Not HUNGRY? (Whuff!) Good grief, girl, how can you not be HUNGRY? I'm hungry all the time. Adrian: Like I said, I'm not a girl, and I'm too sad to eat. My ferret has been kidnapped. Lee: Hmmph! I never understood the point of having a pet. They just eat all your food, and they never bring you more. (Ack) But I suppose you are upset. Poor lass. Adrian: For the third time, I'm a guy. And you could help me by answering a few questions… Lee: Oh, certainly! (Belch!) By the way, my name is General Lee Stuffed, retired from His Majesty's Royal Army. So what do you want to know about, lass? Adrian (to himself): One. As I believe I've told this idiot three times now, I'm not a lass. Two. It's the British Army, not the Royal Army. Three. It's good to know that unbelievably stupid names aren't reserved for women in this town.

Adrian: My ferret was stolen by the Pughs! Penny: I'm telling you, girl, a person has to protect his or her property. I suggest you get a cannon for home protection. Adrian: Guns are for idiots who are too stupid and lazy to learn to use real weapons or martial arts. Besides, I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want my ferret back and to go back to my own time. And I'm a boy, not a girl. Penny: Oh, you can forget that. Those Pughs never let go of an animal, once they have it. Totally bad karma, little dudette. Adrian: If you're going to get my gender wrong, you can at least learn the correct vocabulary. The feminine form of dude is "dudine", not "dudette".

Adrian: My ferret was just snatched right out from under my nose. I don't know what to do. Are there any cops in this town? Penny: Cops? I don't follow your groove, kid. What's that mean? Adrian: Oh, you know, people who are nominally intended to make sure people aren't breaking the law, but are in fact more invested in upholding the status quo. Penny: Oh, THOSE cats! Well, there are those awful redcoat sentries all over the place--have you ever noticed how they all look alike? Adrian: Well, that is kind of the purpose of uniforms, hence the name. Penny: Anyway, General Pugh owns those dudes. They're useless. Adrian (sarcastically): A general commanding soldiers? What a twist. Penny: So is the Watchman, for that matter. The Pughs bribed him as soon as they got to the colonies, and he does anything they want. Adrian: Does the Watchman have a name, or is he just "the Watchman"? At any rate, I kicked his ass once, and I can probably do it again if needed. Narrator: NOTE--The Watchman will not be seen again for the rest of this game, so it will not be needed.

Adrian: Can you tell me anything about yourself? Penny: Well, as long as you're not trying to sell me anything, I guess I can. My husband's name is Eggbert. We own this carpentry shop. Adrian: Eggbert Pyncher? It's a terrible name, but at least it's not a pun. Penny: We used to spend our money on all kinds of foolish things, like food and clothes and things. Now I've discovered the virtues of saving! Adrian (thinking): Lesson learned. Thrift will turn you into a timophiliac straw miser. Penny: I can make a week's worth of soup out of one cabbage! I save every penny, every single one! Adrian (sarcastically): And I'm sure what you do with those pennies is totally family-friendly. Penny: Ben Franklin says it's okay, so it's okay! Adrian: Isn't Ben Franklin the one who said "A penny saved is a penny earned"? Of course, Adrian M. Bernhardt is the one who added "…but you can't buy jack shit with a penny" to that particular pearl of wisdom.

Narrator: The brass plaque by the collar says: "My beloved Fluffum Foo, All I did was shampoo you. Shave your paws, Pierce your nose. Put rings upon your little toes, So why oh why did you run away, And jump into the sea that day?" Terra may only have a tiny little ferret brain, but even she knows that Pennsylvania is landlocked, so she wonders how Fluffum Foo jumped into the sea that day.

Adrian: Can I see your husband? Deborah: No. Adrian: But I really need to see him. Deborah: No. Adrian: But, you don't understand. I'm trapped in 1764, and my ferret's been kidnapped by the Pughs! Somehow, I know that I need Mr. Franklin's help to rescue her and get back to my own time. Deborah: Lass, I'm truly sorry about your "ferret", whatever that is, and there WAS a time when Ben could have helped you, but not now. He can't even help himself. He's gone 'round the bend, filling the colonists' head with all sorts of silly mush. I'm allowing him no visitors. If I let you in to see him, he'd just be a bad influence on you, too. Adrian: As I believe I've told everyone in this fucking colony by now, I'm not a lass. And since I'm not a dumbass like the rest of the colonists, I could be a good influence on Ben. But you'll never know unless you let. Me. In. Deborah: If you could help Ben, get him interested in his experiments, perhaps I'd let you in. I'm sorry, but you have to leave now. Goodbye. Adrian: How the fuck am I supposed to help Ben if I'm not even allowed to see him? Deborah: That's your problem. slams the door in Adrian's face

Adrian: Please, Mrs. Franklin, if you'll just let me-- Deborah: ABSOLUTELY NOT! slams the door in Adrian's face Adrian (thinking): Are all women named Deborah such bitches? Because she reminds me of a slightly less evil version of my mother. Come to think of it, she looks sort of like that Poor Richard guy, but not quite as ugly. Hmm…

Narrator: TRUE. Ben loved sunlight and fresh air, and would never live anywhere that he couldn't have a window. Many people in the 18th century felt that outside air, particularly night air was bad for you and caused illness. Ben didn't believe that. Sometimes he took what he called "air baths", where he would lie outside in the shade naked. Adrian: Hey, my girlfriend Karin does that… except that she's not naked… and she does it at night… and she calls it "moonbathing". So, I guess it's completely different, then. Narrator: Shame that she's not naked, eh? Wait, is she hot? Adrian: Frankly, it's none of your business whether or not my girlfriend is hot. I love her, she loves me for some reason, and that's all that matters. She's one of the three reasons I want to get back to the present so badly. Narrator: What are the other two, if you don't mind my asking? Adrian: My sister Kiera and my car Alcyone. Narrator: You have a sister? Is SHE hot? Adrian: …She's FIFTEEN. If I could find you, I would punch you in the face right now.

Narrator: For the answers to the following questions, look in your documentation on page 19. Adrian: Ah, copy protection. My old arch-enemy. Narrator: I thought I was your arch-enemy? Adrian: I have a life outside of you, unnamed narrator.

Adrian: Thanks again for dinner. Young Ben: I'm glad you enjoyed the mush, my friend. Mother would have made roast beef if she had been expecting you. Adrian: Pro tip…to make it seem more appetizing, call it "oatmeal" or "porridge" instead of "mush". Young Ben: 'Pro tip'? You say things strangely, friend. But speaking of sweating, I'd better start making candles. The Night Watch put in a huge order this morning, and they'll be expecting them tonight. Ugh, the smell! I HATE candlemaking! Adrian: Night Watch? Sounds pretty cool, kind of like something out of a fantasy novel. Young Ben: The Watch will pick them up here. I'll just light the fires, get out the wicks, and then-- OH, NO! Adrian: What? Young Ben: Shh! I forgot to buy wicks in town today! My father'll skin my hide if he finds out! I'll just sneak back out for a few minutes, and-- Adrian (thinking): …'Skin my hide'? Paging the Department of Redundancy Department. Josiah: Benjamin? Young Ben: (Yikes!) Y-Y-Yes, father? Josiah: You did buy wicks when you were in town, didn't you? Young Ben: Uh, well, I… Josiah: Benjamin Franklin, if you forgot again, so help me, I'll switch you 'til you can't sit down for a fortnight! Adrian (thinking): Wow, that's pretty damn harsh. And I thought my parents were bad! Young Ben: Uh, just a moment, father, I'm looking for them… Friend, I don't suppose you have any wick, do you? I'll be eternally grateful if you can help me! Adrian (thinking): Yeah, right. 'Eternally grateful'… and I'm a sea monkey. But yet, I can't help feeling an urge to help him out. After all, his dad makes my mom look like… Karin.

Adrian: Some people might say Ben Franklin is the cause of all this, but I'd say that it's more the fact that the other colonists are spineless idiots who can't even use the chamber pot without Ben showing them how to do it. That being said, was his change gradual or sudden? Poor Richard: Oh, it was sudden! The old gent fell over, and when he got up he had all these wild ideas in his head! Uh, or so his wife tells me. He's my--my oldest friend. His plight grieves me more than I can say, as does the fact that I have to speak against him publicly.

Adrian: Is there any way you could let me have that key? I need it to rescue my ferret and get out of this crappy-ass time period. Poor Richard: I will give thee the key, if thou will help me distribute these proverbs. I fear the time is growing short. Adrian: Proverbs? You mean "clichés", right? Poor Richard: A proverb is a saying that points out the error of a person's ways. I hope they'll cure my fellow colonists of their follies. Will'st thou help me? Adrian: I have a better idea. You give me the key, and I don't snap your neck like a toothpick. Poor Richard: Such is my offer, lass. Adrian: For the millionth time, I am not a lass. And there is no way in fucking hell that I'm brainwashing these idiots with your stupid "proverbs". They're already brainless enough, thank you. Poor Richard: Read each proverb, and judge which colonist could learn the most from it. Adrian: No. You see, according to string theory, time is composed of fixed points, so altering history would only create a secondary timeline where America is still part of the United Kingdom, and my timeline would remain unaffected. I have no interest in how this particular timeline turns out, so I have no investment in forcibly "improving" the colonists. I just want to save my ferret and go home, and I need that key to do so. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: Fine, fine, I'll do it.

Adrian: Here. It's a proverb. I'd suggest giving it away. That's what I did. snickers Quibble: A present? For me? Oh, how sweet! Let's see what it says. "Quarrels never could last long, if on one side only lay the wrong." What's THAT supposed to mean? Is it supposed to mean that Vicar (sic) and I are BOTH wrong?!? Well, that's ridiculous! That's stupid! That's…that's true. Oh, dear! (Sob!) Oh, Victor, how could I have been so mean to you? Victor: Oh, cookie ears, I'm SO ashamed! I behaved like a beast! (Sniff!) Quibble: Victor-poo! Victor and Quibble embrace Victor: Quibby-wips! Quibble: I'm sorry, sweetums! I wuv you! Victor: No, I'M sorry, sugar-toes! I wuv you, too! Adrian: Glad that Karin and I are never like that in public. retches

Adrian: I finished passing out the proverbs. Now key me. Poor Richard: Did thee, lass, truly! Tell me, did they work as I hoped? Adrian: Yes. Frankly, it was wicked scary how quickly the people realized their faults after reading them. It's like the "proverbs" were actually some sort of mind-altering charms or something. Poor Richard: The news gladdens my heart! Here, I have finished with the next three. I pray they are as successful as the first trio! Adrian: Seriously? More proverbs? Oh, well. Might as well brainwash some more colonists. But while I'm here, could I ask you a few questions, Deborah? Poor Richard: Deborah? Who is Deborah Franklin? My name is Poor Richard, and I have never heard of this Deborah Franklin woman! Adrian: Suuure…

Adrian: Have you heard anything about my ferret? Poor Richard: I've heard nothing, but if I were thee, I would try to save him. Terrible things happen to the cats Ima casts her beady eyes upon! Adrian: Um… SHE'S a ferret, not a cat. Poor Richard: Anything that is not a dog is a cat to me.

Adrian: Have you heard anything about the Pughs? Poor Richard: Lass, it is the Pughs that I fear will end my proverb-carving endeavors, once and for all! Adrian (thinking): And good riddance, if you ask me. Poor Richard: I'll not waste my time talking about them. Adrian: And yet, you just did.

Narrator: This proverb says: "Early to Bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." In other words: "You'll do well if you work hard and don't party too much!" Adrian: Counterpoint: "Early to Rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy, but socially dead." In other words: "Working hard is fine, but if you don't make time for fun, your life will be dull and empty." Narrator: …Good point.

Throckmorton: Hey, little dudette! You wanna play? Adrian: Thanks, but no thanks. I need to find my ferret. You haven't seen her, have you? Throckmorton: No, I haven't seen her. Don't worry so much, little sister. Maybe your ferret will find peace, love, and happiness with the Pughs. Adrian: That's what I'm afraid of.

Throckmorton: Wow, that was heavy! Do you think she means us, Marty? I mean, we don't usually go down 'til the sun comes up! Marty: I totally think so, brother. I feel way stupid. Throckmorton: You're right, brother. We have been a couple of silly dudes. I think we should get back to our studies, you dig? Marty: I hear you, dudette. We've wasted too much time already. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts, little lady. You've shown us the error of our ways. Adrian: …I'm not a "dudette" or a "lady". As I believe I've told everyone in this town at least once, I'm a guy. Marty: (Sigh.) I just wish I knew what to do about the Pughs. I wish Ben would TELL us what to do next! Adrian: Showing that you have officially learned absolutely nothing. Marty: Ah, well. Let's go, brother! The world of medicine awaits us!

Narrator: This proverb says: "Beware the Gossip who speaks ill of thy neighbors. With thy neighbors she likely speaks ill of thee." In other words: "If somebody tells you gossip about someone else, you can BET they're spreading gossip about you, too!" Adrian: Why does only the proverb about gossip use "she", anyway? Sexist, much? Narrator: What did you expect? It's 1764. Adrian: …Good point.

Adrian: Here. You're next on the brainwashing list. Tattle: Oh, boy, what is it? Somebody's mail? Papers from somebody's garbage pail? Let me see! Beware the Gossip who speaks ill of they (sic) neighbors. With thy neighbors she likely speaks ill of thee." Oh, what is this? I'M not a gossip! You can't possibly mean ME! Adrian: Technically, I don't mean anyone. The village idiot is forcing me to hand these out in exchange for a key. Tattle: I never talk about anyone! It's not MY fault that my neighbors are all weird! Adrian: Hey, I'm not arguing with you there. If I spend one more second with those people, I'll go insane, which is why I need to get back to my own time. Tattle: Did I tell Nellie to be a grouch? NO! Did I make Penny be such a miser she won't even buy food for her husband? NO! Adrian: Why can't her husband buy food for himself, anyway? Tattle: Did I--Oh, dear… I…I guess I might be a gossip, after all. Oh, I'm so confused! Excuse me, little girl. I want to think about this. Adrian: You know I'm not a girl, right?

Adrian: throws a proverb through Nellie's window Heads up, bitch. Nellie: So what is THIS? One of Poor Richard's stupid proverbs? No thank you, young lady! In fact, you just tell Poor Richard to come stand under my window! I feel like bouncing potatoes off of somebody's head today! Heh heh heh! Adrian (thinking): I hate to admit it, but I'm starting to like this lady.

Narrator: This proverb says: "Wealth is not his who has it, but his who enjoys it." In other words: "Don't waste your money, but DO have fun with it! Don't be cheap!" Adrian: Wow, one of these that I actually completely agree with! Money wants to be spent, after all.

Adrian: Here. You might be interested in this. Penny: What is it? Gold? Silver? Oboy, Oboy! --Shoot, it's just a proverb! Oh, I guess I'll read it. Here goes: "Wealth is not his who has it, but his who enjoys it." Now what's THAT supposed to mean? You can't mean ME. I enjoy my money. Adrian: Yes. I've noticed, and frankly, it's disturbing just how much you "enjoy" said money. Penny: I'm not a miser! I'm not a skinflint! I'm-- Oh, who am I trying to kid? Moths fly out of my purse every time I open it! (Boo hoo!) I'm a cranky old miser! Well, I'm gonna change my ways! What will I do first? Maybe I'll go shopping! Yeah, groovy! I just wish I knew what to do about the Pughs. If only Ben would give me some advice! Adrian: Wasn't Ben the one who told you to save your money? Penny: Oh, well. I'll see you later, little girl. I'm going out on the town! Adrian: …Is it really that hard to tell?

Adrian: This had better be the last batch of proverbs. Poor Richard: What?!? Oh, tis (sic) thee, lass! Adrian: Just give me the proverbs so that I can brainwash the rest of the colonists. Or you could hand over the key right now and save us both a lot of trouble. Poor Richard: I'm nervous because the Redcoats have been watching me, that's all. Here, take the last two proverbs. Off with you, before they arrest you as well! Adrian: And then I get the key, right? Poor Richard: Lass, thou art kind as well as brave, but I must stay and close up my stand. But fear not, for I am quick and quiet as a shadow! They'll never catch me. Adrian: Oh, really. You didn't look so shadowy with your head stuck in the town stocks. And I'm not a lass. Do I have to strip naked to prove it or something? Poor Richard: Ha, ha! Well, I've learned from my mistakes, thou sharp-tongued rascal, so off with thee! Adrian: How come no one else in this town talks like you, anyway? And why don't you stand under Nellie's window for a while? I'm sure she'd enjoy it.

Narrator: This proverb says: "Tart words make no Friends: A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar." In other words: "Don't say mean things to people. They'll like you better if you're nice." Adrian: Who the fuck wants flies? Besides, you'll catch even more flies with a Lump of Manure, but you won't hear any proverbs about that.

Adrian: throws a proverb through Nellie's window Here you go. Nellie: What is it, what is it? Oh, it's just some stupid wooden carving. Let's see what it says… "Tart words make no Friends: A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar." Oh, dear. I suppose this means me. It must! Oh, no, how could I have been so mean to everybody? I'm sorry, little girl… Adrian: Boy. Nellie: Sorry, little boy. I've been just awful to you. Adrian: I'm eighteen. Nellie: What? Adrian: I'm eighteen. I'm not "little". Nellie: Well, I can't just call you "boy". Adrian: Well, you could say "Adrian". Nellie: I didn't know you were called Adrian. Adrian: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? Nellie: Excuse me, I think I need to go inside and figure out how to apologize to everybody. Oh, if only Ben could give me some advice! Adrian: You want some advice? Try thinking for yourself for once. Nellie: Ah, well. I'll see you later!

Adrian (thinking): Oh, no! Someone trashed Poor Richard's stand before I got a chance to! Come to think of it, where is the little prick, anyway? And, more importantly, who cares?

Narrator: That's a good idea, but there isn't enough water in the bucket to fill the jar. Why don't you look for water somewhere else? Adrian: …So, there's too much water to carry, but not enough to fill one jar? Guess it's kind of like the aquarium in Zork Zero. Narrator: Huh? Adrian: If you ever get a chance to play Zork Zero, go to the Parlor in Flatheadia, save your game, and type "take aquarium", then "enter aquarium". Then restore your saved game and enter those two commands in reverse.

Adrian: What are you working on, Sally? Sally: Oh, 'tis nothing. Just a sampler. Adrian: A sampler? Sally: Tis (sic) a bit of cloth, embroidered with a saying. This one says "Honor thy Father and Mother". (Sigh) Believe me, I'm trying. Adrian: Hey, at least you don't have my parents… or your grandfather, for that matter.

Narrator: Adrian only likes cabbages when they're made into kimchi. There's NO WAY he's going to take one. Adrian: Well, at least they aren't radishes.

Narrator: It would be rude of Adrian to go back into the Franklins' private rooms. Adrian: So? In case you haven't noticed by now, I'm not exactly a polite person. Narrator: All right. We were just too cheap and lazy to make a set for the private rooms, and there's nothing in there that you need, anyway. Are you satisfied now? Adrian: Yes, very.

Adrian tries to use a tomato on himself to fake an injury Narrator: Adrian doesn't want to get tomato juice on his favorite hoodie. Adrian: Good point. I guess they had to get me into those stupid colonial clothes somehow. All right, but I'm changing back as soon as I'm done with this mission. Narrator: Deal.

Adrian: returns the colonial clothes to the clothesline where he found them, albeit with a tomato-juice stain on the shirt, then changes back into his hoodie, jeans, and headband

Ben: Okay, child, let me clue you in on what's gonna happen! With this experiment, we're going to prove that lightning is actually MADE of electricity! That cosmic lightning is gonna be drawn to this kite--because lightning can't resist anything that flies around next to it, you dig? Adrian: "Cosmic lightning"? Sounds like a good name for a rock band. Ben: Besides, lightning loves silk. Fabric of the gods, remember? Once the lightning gets close to the kite, the electricity will groove its way down the string, and hit this key, you dig? Then we put the key on the bottle, and we have a jar full of lightning! Totally groovy, huh? Adrian: I have to admit, that's actually… pretty cool. It's literally catching lightning in a bottle. Ben: Of course, if lightning STRIKES the kite, things will get a little hotter! In fact, we may end up looking like baked yams! Here it comes… Yahoo! Adrian: …"Yahoo"?

Adrian and Ben are surveying the lightning-struck remains of Ben's hot tub Adrian: What a mess. Ben: Ah, well. 'Twas a noble experiment, anyhow. Good gracious! Is that the "hot tub" I've been spending all my time in? Adrian: Yes… or, at least, it was. Kind of a shame, really - it was a pretty cool hot tub. Ben: Aye, 'tis nothing but a mess now. Help yourself to anything you may find in the wreckage, lad. Deborah will have my head if I don't clean this up soon. Adrian: Thanks. I hate to say it, but you look… better. Ben: Better? I suppose so…At least I'm no longer wearing those ridiculous clothes. Adrian: I wouldn't say "ridiculous". If nothing else, it looked pretty comfy to me. Yellow isn't my color, so I wouldn't wear that exact garment, but if something similar were available in a dark and/or cool color, I'd wear that. Maybe not in public, though… Ben: Oh, I can't wait to show my darling Deborah that I've regained my senses! Excuse me, boy. Adrian: You know I have a name, right? It's Adrian. Adrian Bernhardt. Oh, well. At least someone actually recognizes that I'm a guy. Ben: Deborah! Oh, Mrs. Franklin! Adrian: …You call your wife Mrs. Franklin?

Adrian: I'm here to get you out of here, if only so that Ben will stop moping and help me rescue my ferret. Poor Richard: Get me out of here! Hmmph! And how do you propose to do THAT? Those guards may be idiots, but they're not fool enough to let me out! I'm going to rot in here, and I hope the man who's responsible--that pig-headed Ben Franklin--rots somewhere else for all eternity. Adrian: You mean hell? Poor Richard: He's lost his mind, girl, and he's taking the whole of the British colonies with him! Adrian: I'm a boy, as I've told you more times than I can remember. At least you're talking like a normal person now… Poor Richard: My mother always warned me about him, but did I believe her? Oh, no! Of course not! BAH! Lazy, good for nothing…! Sitting around in that hot tub all day…! Never a thought about what he's doing to fair Philadelphia…! Never a thought about what he's doing to ME! HMMPH!!!

Adrian: I've uncovered your secret, and am, frankly, surprised that I'm apparently the only one. You're really Deborah Franklin in disguise! Wait… you have a daughter, which means that you've had sex. And since you're also Poor Richard, I guess that makes me Matthias Corvinus, King of Hungary and Croatia. Deborah: Oh, so you know who I am, do you? And what of it? Those fools out there will find out soon enough as well, and wait till you see the headlines! "Wife of Famous Inventor Arrested while Dressed as a Man!" The British will get a fine hoot out of that, and then they'll stretch my neck, just the same! Adrian: But…we can escape now! All you have to do is-- Deborah: What would be the point? To go back to my worthless husband? I'd sooner hang than see that pitiful excuse for a man again. Wretched beast! Rotten old ninnyhammer! Addle-pated fatwit! Mangy old goose! Pathetic waterlogged warthog! Adrian (thinking): What does Ben see in this bitch, anyway? If I were married to her, I'd want to spend as much time away from her and her nagging as possible! He must have jumped at the opportunity to become ambassador to France.

Ben: Come in, lad. I've been trying to write a new pamphlet. I must help the people get back to the good old colonial ethics of hard work and diligence! But don't worry your head about that. What are we going to do about that ferret of yours, lad? Adrian: Terra is probably in Penn Mansion. Can't we just go ask for her? You're a pretty important guy in Philadelphia, right? Ben: Well, I suppose so, but that wouldn't help us anyway. I have never had any influence with General Pugh. I never liked the fellow, nor he I. Adrian: Then I guess we'll have to break in. Ben: Ha ha! I appreciate your enthusiasm, lad, but we'd need an army to take Penn Mansion. It has more guards around it than Ima has dresses in her closet! Adrian: How many guards? Ben: Six, lad. Adrian: Quite a lot of guards, then. Still, I bet I could slip past them--if only I could get across the river. Ben: I think we can take care of the river. I know we can get you in--it's getting you out I'm worried about. If only we had someone to back us up… Adrian: Ceiling H. Cat. I sense another fucking fetch quest coming up. Ben: (Sigh.) I am quite sympathetic to your plight, lad, but I don't think the colonists are likely to take on armed redcoats for the sake of a ferret. If only there were another reason for them to gather at Penn Mansion… well, if you think of anything, let me know. I'm going to work on this pamphlet.

Adrian: Here. Take this. Quibble: Oh, all right. Let's see it. Come on, Vicar (sic), look at this with me. Then maybe she'll leave BOTH of us alone! Victor: Whatever you want, my little squirrel-lips! Quibble: Okay, let's see… WHAT?!? The Pughs have been LYING to us? How COULD they! Oh, and Ben's changed his mind about the New Ways! Y'know, they did seem kind of silly…but those rotten PUGHS! How COULD they! GRRRR! Oh, Vicar (sic), how could we have been so silly? We have shirked our duties to this colony! Victor: Indeed, my love. We must fly to Ben's side, and join him in protest! Little girl, you've done us a great service, and we thank you most sincerely! Quibble: Tell me, girl, what is your name? I want to tell my own daughter all about you, when I have one! Adrian: First of all, I'm a boy. Second of all, my name is, uh, Richard Garriott. Victor: We'll always remember you, Richard! We'll see you at the protest! Quibble: Yes, farewell, Richard!

Adrian: Has anyone ever told you that your head looks like a balloon on a stick? Goody: Lass, is this from Ben? Oh, it IS! Let's see… WHAT?!? Those horrible, terrible, sneaky PUGHS!!! Ooh, what FIENDS! I'm GOING to that meeting. We'll just GET those Pughs, that's what! Adrian: Wow, do you think you used enough capslock in that sentence? Goody: …Do you suppose I should bring my big, heavy ladle? Heh heh heh… Adrian: Well, I know it's tempting, but we don't want to resort to violence. Not right away, anyhow. cracks knuckles Goody: Oh, all right. I'd best close up the shop and get ready. Just come by if there's anything you need…Oh, by the way, lass, what's your name? Adrian: I'm not a lass, and my name is, um, Adam. Adam Lovelace. Goody: Well, I thank you, Adam Lovelace! I'll see you at the rally, if not before. Excuse me!

Adrian: Here you go, Tattle. Unfortunately, it's not an application for a name change. Tattle: Well, the last thing you gave me was pretty special! Let's see what you have for me now! Mm hmm… Mm hmm… Oh, dear! WHAT?!? You don't say. …Oh, MY! OH, DEAR!! Imagine that! Ben Franklin really WAS sick! Oh, I can't BELIEVE those awful Pughs! Tell you what, little girl, I'm going to that rally! Adrian: Zip-a-dee-freakin'-doo-dah. Tattle: I owe a lot to you, lassie. You showed me the error of my ways. Thank you--Oh, my! I don't know your name! Adrian: Considering that you don't even know that I'm a boy, I'm not surprised. My name is, um, Nikola. Nikola Tesla. Tattle: Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Nick. See you at the rally!

Adrian: Here, catch. makes a pamphlet into a paper airplane and throws it through the window Nellie: Whee! That was fun! All right, let's see what we have here. Uh-huh… sure… What?!? WHAT?!? WHAT?!?! NO WAY!!! It's INFURIATING! To think, the Pughs have been taking advantage of us all this time! Well, I'll just go to that rally and give those Pughs what for! Thank you, Adrian!

Adrian: What's up? Roland: Huh? Oh, nothing much, Cosmic Cat. It feels good to be virtuous. I just wish I knew what else I should be doing. I'm bored, you know? Adrian: Well, this might interest you. Roland: Cool! Sock it to me! 'Kay, let's see… WHOA! HOLD THE CARRIAGE! Is this TRUE? And I thought I was a dishonest, sneaky street weasel! Adrian: Don't insult weasels like that. Roland: Those rotten Pughs! They were taking money from everybody before I had the chance to! We'll put a stop to that! I'm goin' to the rally! Hey, Cosmic, you never did tell me your name. Lay it on me, so I know who to thank! Adrian: It's…Gary. Gary Gygax. Roland: Well thanks a million, Gary! I'll see you at the rally! Adrian: Bye.

Adrian: Here. It's from Benjamin Franklin. Lee: For me, hmm? Oh, bully! Let's see. I just hope it doesn't have anything to do with tie-dye. Oh, my! Oh, MY! WHAT?!? I can't believe it! I just can't! Oh, it's wonderful to know that Ben is back to his old self! And as for those Pughs…If only I still had my cannon! I'm going to that rally, young lady! Thank you! Adrian: Is that "cannon" as a singular or a plural? Lee: Well, I'll be off then, young--oh, what IS your name, girl? Adrian: I'm a boy, and my name is, um, Douglas. Douglas Adams. Lee: It's been a pleasure, Douglas, lad. I'll see you at the rally! GET THE PUGHS! TALLY HO! YOIKS AND AWAY! Adrian (thinking): I just hope he can fit through the pub door.

Adrian: Here. Penny: Ooh, what is it, what is it? Oboy, a Special Edition from Ben! Let's see… EEK! I… I can't believe it! Those--those PUGHS! How COULD they! OOOH! Just wait until I get my hands on that rotten General! I'll take that Bavarian lace shirt Nellie made for him last week and STRANGLE him with it! Or maybe I'll just bring him back to the shop and saw him in half! Yeah, that's the ticket! Adrian: Your penchant for gratuitous violence is disturbing, and that's coming from me. Why not just go to the freakin' rally, like everyone else? Penny: Okay, I'll look for you there! I'll just go change out of these ridiculous clothes, then I'll go to the meeting. See you later-- say, what IS your name, child? I'd like to properly thank you. Adrian: It's, er, ah, it's Shigesato. Shigesato Itoi. Penny: What an exotic name! Thank you, Shigesato. I'll see you later!

Adrian: Here. It's a flyer from Ben. Billy: Ben, huh, little dudette? Let's see what he has to say… Yeah… Uh-huh… Yeah… Uh-huh… HOLD ON A MINUTE! Oh, MAN! I can't BELIEVE those… PUGHS! They've been robbing us blind! I'm glad Ben is better, kid, but I'm so angry right now I could spit nails! Hidel: Indeed, nails! Billy: We're going to that rally, lass, and you better believe it! Adrian: Oh, and mail out the rest of these flyers to the sheeple, er, colonists, okay? Billy: You bet! By sundown tonight, everyone in Philadelphia will know what a rat that wretched Pugh is. Come on, Hidel, let's get moving-- Oh! by (sic) the way, what's your name, lass? We really owe you one! Adrian: As I've been trying to tell you, I'm a lad, not a lass. Oh, and my name is, um, Richard. Richard Garfield. Billy: Fare the well, Richard! Godspeed! If you'll excuse me, we must get these flyers into the mail, and prepare for the meeting. Goodbye! Hidel: Right, bye!

Adrian: This is the last one. Finally, I'm done with this fucking fetch quest! Marty: Let's see now… What!?! General Pugh's been swindling us out of our money? The Stamp Act never even PASSED! That total worm-dude! Ben goes on to say that we should all stop dressing, acting and talking like ninnies! Hey, Throckmorton, are we ninnies? Throckmorton: Well… Marty: I fear we are, brother. See here, Ben is organizing a protest against General Pugh! We must show our support! Throckmorton: Yes, let us make haste! Marty: We thank you most sincerely, lass. You have done us an immeasurable favor. Tell, (sic) me, what is your name? I want to remember you always. Adrian: Uh, David. David…Sedaris. And I'm a lad, not a lass. Marty: Well, best of luck to you, David! Throckmorton: Yes, farewell, David-dude!

Adrian: Now that the warp in the spacetime continuum is fixed, I should be heading home soon. Terra: (ferret noises) Adrian and Terra begin to warp back to the present Ben: Lad? LAD?!? Adrian: Goodbye and good riddance to all of you. I'll remember you in therapy. Marty: Goodbye, David! Quibble: Goodbye, Richard! Nellie: Goodbye, Adrian! Tattle: Goodbye, Nikola! Lee: Goodbye, Douglas… Adrian and Terra return to their own time, but can never scrub their minds clean

#long post #really long post #don't click the keep reading unless you have time to spare #pepper's adventures in time #my ocs #adrian bernhardt #mst #sort of

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waters-and-the-wilde · 9 months

Text

okay so one of the fun and neat things about going on T and shifting into boy mode is. i'm hot now??

it's not that i've changed that much or was dealing with negative self-image stuff, like i was already the prettiest boy you've ever seen before i got on T. back in girl(?) mode i dodged the worst of the usual body image issues due to a confluence of factors, such as

a.) enough early messaging to the effect of 'hey trying to make girls be attractive all the time is kinda fucked up' and me going 'yeah! that is fucked up! fuck being pretty'

b.) just. extraordinary amounts of asexuality. and with that came the primary incentive to go 'oh fuck i don't want to be attractive. dear god get that away from me. engage the Somebody Else's Problem Fields to maximum capacity!!'

c.) 'but also hey i've got great hair and look dashing in a waistcoat, i just do it for me you know? i'm like if a vain creature spent a lot of time scrabbling about in a tree hollow'

like i felt like i looked fine as a girl(?) and i didn't want to deal with the social baggage of being pretty (TM) or hot (TM) and clearly all that took so much effort anyway so it was super easy to just. not. although I liked wearing fancy costumes so in a lot of ways it's easier to look back on like. girl formalwear moments and be like 'oh yeah. that's drag. i was in drag.' without getting hit with the dysphoria stick. and the moments i felt really good about myself, like, 'flirt with myself in the mirror' moments were. boy drag. but i wasn't going to call myself hot. (also probably an autism thing, bc The Neurotypicals and the CisHetAlloNormies love to take the things you say literally and contort them to fit their assumptions so i couldn't risk them conflating 'hot' with 'sexually available'.) i was 'allowed' to be hot when i was dressed as jack harkness but under all other circumstances i didn't want that and wasn't willing to risk being thought of in those terms. never mind nipping it in the bud i was gonna salt the earth first.

which, maybe was a little overkill, i've got a bit of a tendency there but tbh i'm incredibly grateful for how much that kept the background society noise from getting the worst of its hooks into me. like the rampant asexuality and baby's first genderqueer shenanigans did me so many favors for maintaining a neutral-to-positive outlook on my relationship with my body. especially when it came to keeping prospective attention at bay so any time someone actually tried to ask me out it was just like. reaction gif of those girls with the red cups at the party. how did you get past security.

didn't hurt that i didn't want to hang in the kind of environments that made a big deal about appearances slash recognized it's rude to be a dick about peoples' appearances, but also there was probably a certain amount of baseline white/able-bodied/skinny privilege that i wasn't really aware of at the time, and lately i've been suspecting that contributes to other people trying to reinforce their idea of my place in 'the girl club'. something something same coin as those standards that also exclude and deny cis women for not measuring up.

recent years it's been weird because it sort of hasn't mattered how obvious i think the transmasc cues are, how much i look in the mirror and go '!!! hell yeah look at that handsome little guy!' because it just wouldn't translate. there was just a lot of 'yes fine i know i know i kNoW what people see when they look at me. it is still weird to me but i have to maKe Allowances for our soCiAL coNText riGht?? just because i got sick of being low-effort nonbinary and decided I wanted a turn at the blue hair and pronouns thing doesn't mean that other people aren't stuck in their assumptions. yes i know who i am but i have to wear a little sign and point it out to people and most of the time they don't notice or remember and if i'm lucky they'll wring their hands and get all conCerNed about having oFfEnded me instead of telling me they don't think they should have to make the effort of trying.' and don't get me wrong i love meeting cishetnormies who are cool and onboard and supportive or just baseline chill about it, but there are a lot of them where there's this definite undercurrent of knowing they're just humoring you and it itches like a shirt with the bad textures.

anyway it's not as if i didn't know i built in a bunch of defensiveness around knowing I was being perceived female and trying to control for the implications of that. (it's been a perennial topic of household conversation bc sibling and sibling-in-crime are a bit more settled into their own flavors of genderqueer especially in terms of dealing with other peoples' perceptions and i've still been grappling with a lot of 'i need to look GAY i need to look QUEER i need to look LIKE A BOY I need to look COMPLETELY UNAVAILABLE. do NOT perceive me. ENGAGE 'SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM FIELD' to MAXIMUM CAPACITY. i am JUST SOME GUY. FUCK i dress like a 12-YEAR-OLD and people think i'm in HIGH SCHOOL but they STILL DON'T THINK I'M A BOY' 'buddy hey do you think maybe you're overthinking the way people perceive you and trying to accommodate for that instead of being yourself' 'I KNOW BUT HEY'

i think starting to working in a much more public retail job kind of threw it into sharp relief because before I wasn't doing that on purpose, i just got so used my Whole Deal just sort of automatically flying under the radar. and suddenly every day i'm having to deal with other peoples' assumptions. and every day i'm still kicking and yowling and biting because all i'm getting is other people trying to shove me into a box. they see a girl-shaped person and it doesn't matter about the collared button-down shirt and what's usually a boy's name on the apron, lol what's a pronoun button, she's young and skinny and cute and white and that's what the quirky young ladies do these days because androgyny is trendy right??

(do not get me started on how women are not allowed to age and how trans guys get infantilized and how i keep getting clocked as much younger than i am, what does a guy have to do to get treated like a goddamn grown-up ah fuck i gotta show up with healthy boundaries and self-respect probably because i'm not about to stop dressing like a twelve year old because i am fighting for my life to retain my youthful whimsy on this godforsaken bitch of an earth)

and then. not much changes but I change. six weeks on T and i'm like ugh nothing's happening it's fine it's fine it's gonna be gradual it's gonna take its own time. and then two weeks later, holy shit. the goddamn second i unlocked the slightest bit of facial hair and boom. 'not my fault you think i'm a girl. skill issue. oh shit i look GOOD'

they (the charming and helpful transmascs who make youtube videos) said T won't just up and fix your confidence issues, and yeah okay they're right because something something gotta find that in yourself or whatever, but also. they were right when they said it doesn't not fix your confidence issues.

now. sometimes it's even more fucking jarring when it's easier for me to forget that it still doesn't always translate. last week some middle-aged guy tried to ask me out while i was at work (it was a short and not ill-mannered interaction but pretty obviously 'area man has interacted with a Young Lady for five minutes and decided to go for it' way) and it was like. The FUCK? now?? like. sir. babygirl. you are not only barking up the wrong tree you are not even in a forest right now. this is in fact. a lumber department. 'you look lovely' my ass i am the grubbiest little dweeb you have ever seen and these aprons flatter nobody, not even me. who the fuck do you think you're trying to kid. also i'm a boy. no sparing your feelings no laughing it off no 'easy mistake to make' i hope you feel super awkward about this. not my fault you tried to pick up a grown-ass man with a mustache. i don't care if you were polite about it you're old enough to be my dad and this is my workplace. i am once again asking how the fuck did you get past security.

(work-life gender is totally a thing too. at work i am 'actually a boy but thanks', i'm they/he and uh him actually when people use 'her', i am just some guy, fuck you i am a grown-ass man stop telling me how to do my job boomer. and then i get to go home and be a creature and a weird little man (nonbinary) and i'm suddenly more comfortable in a bunch of the girl(?) shirts i had stopped wearing and i'm looking forward to approaching more of a queer guy flavor of femininity on my own time)

it's weird too in that materially very little has changed, like it's been all of four months, i sound like i'm getting over a cold and my face can do a new party trick. it's all still mine, it's just that maybe it feels a little bit more mine now.

anyway the point of all this was that. i couldn't be hot because i couldn't act like i was hot because i couldn't envision a version of events where people didn't make this my problem. and suddenly I'm Just Hot Now. because I Am. like it's just a fact now it's an immutable law of the universe. all those posts about 'i'm transgenedner and sexy' and i was like 'love that for you, couldn't be me tho' and now i'm transgedener and sexy. am I going to do anything about it?? god no. i'm gonna make this everybody else's problem.

(be funny if i had a slut era in an asexual way but one thing at a time perhaps)

#where the fuck are my gender tags #hehe #i'm a little man but i'm not ur only a man but i'm a little weird old man but really i'm not acutally ur man...#this got away from me #long post #heck is empty #and all the genders are here #i wrote this for me but y'all can read it too #there are so many Things like there are Layers #tldr i'm Hot Now

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mobiused · 2 years

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could you show some examples of hyeju's worst outfits? I thought they usually dressed her well but i guess I haven't been paying attention. Also i agree with the gowon puff sleeve thing. I think it suits her princess brand

OK this ended up getting long because of the structurue so under the cut

Stupid fucking bow makes her head look so fucking stupid here

Conceptually this isn't so bad but I hate the shape, bust looks weird, dress is too short, n thats not about modesty it's just completely unflattering for her legs & hips

Who the fucks idea was it to put her in what is essentially little more than a lingerie slip dress and stick some garters on it whilst everyone else bar choerry is in normal cute dresses? Thematically inapproriate and way too short to dance how she wants (watching her fancams this era and seeing her fight with 99% of her outfits was actually migraine inducing). It actually looks quite pretty tbh but I don't like it if it makes her look out of place and also weirdly sexualised in comparison to everybody else

THIS WAS JUST SO FUCKING SHIT LIKE DOTN FU CKING PISS ME OFF she's lucky she's hot because what the fuck. Like literally what the fuck this is so fuckng stupid. How do you fuck up an all-black outfit with red accents like this so badly. Her fringe/hair looks so stupid and doesn't suit her face at all. She's meant to look sharp and fierce and sexy and she just l ooks fucking stupid. Monika had to intervene with scissors because she was literally wearing a lycra t-shirt before this . What the fuck. (Queendom era styling on the whole was pretty good)

Everyone else is wearing sexatron 5000 hot sexy leather/PVC whatever that material is and they gave hyeju an oversized blazer and a hairdo that makes it look like she's 60 in combination with the fucking shit dyejob and jewelry borrowed from maggie thatcher. Whats going on???????? (If you're a longtime follower you'll know that even though I hated and hate this outfit I pondered whether this was Hyeju's personal choice to not wear outfits that she personally found objectifying like the leather club inspired outfits, but then looking at how she was styled for flip that, she(?) seems to have backtracked on that)

Hair is actually cute here to be fair. But this was just a disaster for everyone. If you're gonna be ripping off Rokh's SS21 collection at least do it right cuz what....lmfao

I lol'd I really did.

Ugly ass top...

Actually hold on this one eats. But

... Actually I don't even hate the fringe but what the fuck are these shorts

OH MY GOD DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I FUCKING DESPISE THESE BULLSHIT FLOWERY GIRLY LITTLE FUCKING BLOUSES THEY LOOK SO FUCKING SHIT THEY DONT SUIT HER AT ALL AND YET FOR SOME REASON WHEN THEY WANT TO MAKE HER LOOK *CUTE* AND *NORMAL GIRL* THEYLL DRESS HER LIKE A GRANDMA DRESSING HER 13 YEAR OLD GRANDDAUGHTER AND IS AFRAID TO HAVE PEOPLE LOOKING AT HER OHHH MY GOD IT AGGRIVATES ME SO MUCH LIKE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ACTUALLY WEARING

Age inappropriate for a teenage girl, modesty aside those heels and that blouse makes her look dated and weird

This was literally outrageous (hers is the shortest of all of them bar hyunjin whos wearing shorts anyway, and she's 17 here), especially the obviously padded bra, and her discomfort is palpable

I could literally go on. And I'm being quite generous here by not including outfits that aren't my personal taste but otherwise probably considered inoffensive. But really its like when was the last time I've seen an outfit Hyejus been styled in and not gone one of the following 1) Wow this is unflattering 2) Wow she looks stupid 3) Wow she looks uncomfortable/ this impairs her movement 4) Wow she looks like she's going to a different event compared to everyone else

Maybe I'm just especially harsh with her styling because she matters the most to me IDK.

#there are a LOT of outfits I dislike for no other reason than its just not my tastes #which is frustrating but ig as a gnc lesbian who broadly dislikes modern fashion triends outside of like haute couture makes me pretty hard #to please in general. but like #ugh. i really find it so aggravating. shouldn't be this hard to put her in flattering and wholistically appropriate clothes #when styling is your job #and by wholistically appropriate i mean more thematically/job appropriate than modesty which only applies pre 2020 ofc

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pmiller1 · 2 years

Conversation

Do you girls hang out with Coco and Tsugumi?

Nagi: Of course. In face we having tea with them right now.

Coco: Realz? You answerin' that?

Tsugumi: It actually nice to be part of there questing chat.

Shoka: Well I'm glad you guys are here to hang out with us lady.

Tsugumi: Well not all of them. You sure Eri isn't coming?

Shiki: She just texted me that she need to sort out some clothing at our shop.

Coco: Oh thx god. I really want to spade my faerie wings, can't do it with her around.

Rhyme: Oh come now Coco. Just because she haven't played the Game doesn't mean you have to act like that.

Tsugumi: Beside she wouldn't be able to see your wings. You know that those that been in the UG and those with sixth sense can only see them in the RG.

Coco: You never kno if she had a sixse or not.

Shoka: "Kno"? "Sixse"? Really Tsugumi how can you understand her with all that?

Coco: Don't make fun of the way Id speck!

Tsugumi: You'd learn to understand her way of specking.

Coco: Those really, Im not the worst specking around here. Like Mini-moto math talk can be soo sooo soooo Ewy.

Nagi: I see nothing wrong with the way he speck.

Shoka: Yeah, only because, for some gods reason, Tomonami speck in math himself.

Nagi: Sigh. Indeed he dose. /uwu\

Rhyme: Well you're not as bed as Beat.

Shiki: Yeah, sometime even I fail to understand what he meant to say.

Coco: Oh him. Yeah, he worst. I really hate him ykno.

Tsugumi: You only saying that because he thought you was wearing Stilts to make yourself look tall.

Coco: He didn't have me show my panty to ye girl. My panty is for Tsu only.

Tsugumi: Em... Coco. ¬///¬

Coco: Wat?! They already kno that me and you are dating.

Tsugumi: But some of them are still under 18.

Coco: Oh. *Look at Rhyme and Shoka.* Sozy.

Shoka: Em... no worry.

Rhyme: Too much information...

Nagi: At least you didn't look at me.

Shiki: So does that meant that you two are serious that you two show off each other underwear and other stuff. Can you Reaper even...?

Coco: Wat? Had sex? Ye do kno that we still Human, right?

Tsugumi: But yes, we are committed in our relationship, Shiki.

Shoka: Y'know to be honest, I didn't know that you swing that way. Tsugumi.

Tsugumi: Well, Unlike Shiba whom gladly show off his affection, I'm not that too comfortable showing my affection, It get awarded for me.

Coco: Yeah, the girl was super shy when I met her. Didn't know that she was gay until I've became a Reaper and met her again.

Tsugumi: Really, I just glad you sure the same feeling.

Coco: You where my princess Tsugy. My light in this darkness.

Shiki: Okay, Okay, I think that enough affection from both of you.

Coco: Oh right, you girls are hetro.

Nagi: Demi actually.

Shiki: I'm... actually Bisexual.

Rhyme: I'm also Demisexual.

Shoka: Wait, you guys saying that none of are straight?

*Each of them look at Shoka.*

Shoka: I mean I'm Bi too...

Coco: Yeah, but at least two of you got BF.

Shiki: She got us there.

Shoka: ......

Tsugumi: Really Shoka, you're into girl too? I wasn't aware of that.

Shoka: I mean, any affection would do. Doesn't have to be romantic.

Coco: Well do you had any girl crush? I bet it was that Boob lady with the iguana.

Shoka: What?! NO! She was like a sister to me! I would never... Urg. Ayano not my girl crush.

Coco: Then who is it them?

Shoka: I wouldn't really want to say, unless you want to get jealous.

Tsugumi: Wait... Me? You had a crush on me?

Shoka: I mean, it wasn't like you and I would work. Not that your with her.

Tsugumi: Well, I'm glad to know that.

Tsugumi: Now I feel awful that envy you.

Shoka: You was jealous of me?

Tsugumi: Right before you join our Reaper hood, I was well like and loved by all other. I was there poster girl. Guy find me affected, I was Ayano's 'little sister.' People look up to me.

Tsugumi: It feel like you took the spot light from me. I offer wonder what would happen if I've erased you like you ask.

Shoka: Oh I'm sorry.

Shoka: Well not like didn't had spot light after I came around. People really look up to you as the Member of the Ruinbringers.

Tsugumi: If I didn't have my soul trap inside this stuff cat and became a mindless doll. I would had enjoyed the fame.

Shoka: Right...

Coco: For Realz, I'm relived that the kitten save you, I didn't know he can host a soul.

Shiki: I know, Mr Mew is full of suspired.

Coco: I kno right, I almost thought that Tsu was a goner. If I kno that, I could have had Shiki come along instead of Beat.

Rhyme: Wait you mean, the fake Shibuya that you put them in?

Coco: Yeh. Had to get Neku into Shinjuku UG one way or another.

Shiki: But instead you shot him.

Coco: Look I was desperate, OK! I really wanna save her and her city!

Coco: Like I saw the dark shy and gloomy building in the UG, I saw how hallow the people where in the RG. I saw the Reverb myself. And...

Coco: I didn't want to lose her again. Not after all the time we had in the UG.

Tsugumi: There, there, It okay. Come here.

*Coco crying fountain as move into Tsugumi cheat, as she caresses her back.*

Rhyme: I mean, given that Shinjuku had got erased a little bit after you took Neku out. I say it was too late to save it.

Tsugumi: But you did able to save me in the end. Along with Shiki. Thank to Mr Mew.

Coco: Yah. Who kne that a Cat that Ive find at the Dead God's Pad would save you in the end.

Nagi: Not without some cost at the end.

Coco: Oh right, your brother took his life to put your soul into it.

Tsugumi: I know, he cure for my well being then his own. He'll be miss.

Rhyme: That big brother for ye, always looking out for his little sister.

Shoka: Must be nice to had a big brother.

Coco: Specking off. Say Shiki, How is Nekky?

Shiki: Oh he find. There some stuff he need to adjust and be normal again. Not that long we been talking about Josh whole deal and if he cure about us or not.

Coco: Josh? Why are you calling Prissy Kid that? You haven't realz met him.

Shiki: Why not? Neku call him that.

Shoka: I'd like to think that does cure. He at least give me another life in the RG. Even if it was left out of nowhere. Really I'm more piss off about Mikagi for letting his city to be erased and yet be bothered to save Shibuya, Rindo told me about "Haz" some days ago.

Coco: Is he even back there?

Tsugumi: No. He haven't return to Composed Shinjuku once more. Really, I do not understand why brother take order from Haz.

Shoka: So it just you and others running Shinjuku.

Tsugumi: Yep. Just me, Kaie, Shiba and Hishima.

Shoka: So no new Reaper.

Tsugumi: Well no New Reaper that reach Officer rank as of yet.

Shoka: Right. I think we should end the chat here. This gone on for too long now.

Coco: Agreed.

#chat #Neo The World Ends with You #Neo TWEwY #NTWEwY #Nagi Usui #Shoka Sakurane #Shiki Misaki #Raimu Bito #Coco Atarashi #Tsugumi Matsunae #Zeta NTWEwY Chat

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macaroni-rascal · 6 months

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Oh I am watching everything and taking names. Nobody is safe from my fashion takes this weekend, I don't have to work until Tuesday. I could go back and cover whatever I missed if you guys want, was it only the pairs SP?

The women's event was such a struggle in the outfit department. Before I say anything, I'd just like to emphasize that I'm not dragging the girls themselves, most of them are teenagers and we all know what they go through in this fucking sport. No, who I have beef with is the grossly overpaid adults in their lives who are advising them or even outright controlling what they do and wear. I might have to do this in 2 parts, we'll see.

Seoyeong Wi, sigh. There's a reason no one has managed to make a truly successful P&P 2005 program when even Marina tried - the soundtrack is too short and too specific to the scenes (as any good soundtrack should be). They just played a light and bright piece before a tense and very much period-sounding one and called it a day, no transition, no nothing. A composer would have to sit down, deconstruct and have an orchestra re-record a bespoke P&P program for it to work. The dress, while okay, had nothing to do with the theme, and muted neutrals just don't look great against the cool white of the ice and the harsh TV lighting.

Nini, my long-suffering child. Her mom better pray our paths never cross. Wildly inappropriate music choice and opening pose for a 16yo. The outfit I can only describe as goth Coachella. Great body alignment and mechanics into the elements but knowing the expense at which it came kinda ruins it for me. I hope she can be free and fly away one day soon.

Clare - yet another Tammy victim. Why is the V in the front of the dress so sharp and deep when the one on the back is much softer and rounder? What are those bedazzled flowers at the hip and why do they exist? Why the second strap across the hips? The dress is a strawberry macaroon, it does anything but elongate her lines, and the music is equally saccharine. They should've kept her in junior.

I'm so proud of Mana's dress for surviving that tiger attack to be here. No, but seriously, who did this? The color isn't the worst but paired with the black edges and the not-quite-matching mesh, it's a hard miss. Don't even get me started on the music - she was skating through it, not to it, and disappointingly, this wasn't the only case of electronic music that would be playing at a daytime DJ gig in a riverside cafe in any major city in the world rn. It only made sense after I saw her coach wearing a crocheted blanket over a checkered tablecloth.

Hana - god help me. I actually thought the cut was great, it really flattered her figure, but why that color, why that pattern, and most importantly, why the randomly placed black straps? Ka2sh straight to jail for the music choice too, did she even listen to the lyrics? Bury this song next to Big Spender, if you ask me. We've seen so many programs trying to replicate the success of Wakaba's Energia and just falling flat, just give up already, none of you are Shae-lynn or Wakababy.

It's awful that I knew Mone was skating to Dark Eyes as soon as I saw her in the warmup. The top of the dress is at war with the bottom, the sleeve length is truly random, and why are we doing a Russian song this particular season? The top is overbeaded like last year and I was worried it would rip under the arms every time she lifted them. I like the shape, movement and length of the skirt but it's all just sooo outdated, I'm literally begging these coaches to not underserve these talented girls like this.

I'll be back with Part 2 after I put myself through the men's event.

Fasionista nonny!

Agreed on you caveat, I have gotten lots of weird/angry messages from people when I criticize anything about young women's skaters under the guise of 'they are just kids' as if I am attacking them personally just because I think their jump technique is bad.

I think one day a 2005 Pride and Prejudice program will be possible, the music cut just has to be right, as you said. Clare 100% should still be juniors, she wasn't ready for this. I did not understand the Mana dress or music choice, she is not performing to it, the movements don't match the music, there was a weird dissonance on the ice the entire program, she just had a bland smile on her face the whole time. I actually liked Mana's dress, I just wish there was no blue on the bottom, that was weird, should have just made it simple black.

#konner talks skating #fashionista nonny

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wastelandcth · 3 years

Text

In the Mountains - cth

summary: who would've thought hiking with the boys would have ended up being so eventful? as the fifth member of 5sos with a crush on a certain bass player, you’re about to find out.

author’s notes: thanks to @calumspupils for sending this request in! I hope you enjoy it!

masterlist || request

You didn't really know how you'd gotten to this point in your life. How you had ended up in a band with four people you'd give the world to, it all still seemed like a fever dream. Most mornings you'd wake up either on a tour bus or in a hotel room miles from home wondering if this was your real-life and it wasn't until you were sat at breakfast with your bandmates that you realized how grateful you were for the twists and turns that had led to your crazy life.

Some days you'd play shows and feel like you were on top of the world, rocking out on stage with your best friends. Some nights the views from the airplanes you'd grown used to being on took your breath away for so long you were afraid you'd actually imagined it all. That all the cameras flashing and fans screaming out lyrics you'd written with the four guys on stage next to you were a figment of your imagination and you'd wake up one day to find it all gone.

"Hey, I know you don't love hiking but...I'm sure we'll make it fun," Calum's voice rang out in the car, bringing you back to the moment at present, "And I'll be there to tell you all the jokes and point out cool rocks," he said with a wink.

Calum Hood. You'd turned your head to face him, the California sun was hitting his skin and making him glow. His bright smile adorning his face as the sunglasses he was wearing slid down his nose to reveal those brown eyes you'd fallen for. His soft voice and gentle teasing bringing warmth to your stomach that always seem to linger whenever you two were alone. It was something that you thought you'd kept to yourself, a little secret, but the comments online only left you a blushing mess.

If you were being honest, you'd been in love with Calum since the first months you'd spent with the band, getting to know each other and making sure you'd be a good fit into the group. those weeks had been filled with outings together where all five of you would spend hours on end telling stories about growing up and then laughing over how the internet blew up when they introduced you to their fanbase. But those few weeks were also spent trying your best to not make a fool of yourself in front of Calum, who seemed to always be at the right place whenever you stumbled or when your voice would crack while you were practicing alone.

You two had clicked instantly, both stuck to each other's hip as you took on the world. You'd write together, spending hours on a couch drafting out possible songs and humming along to tracks that had potential in matching the band's sound. You'd even become neighbors at one point when you'd first moved into the city to be closer for band work. He'd helped you move into the apartment next to his and you'd spent many weekends at each other's place, laughing over the awkward silences when you'd both caught each other glancing for a few seconds too long.

So you were in love with your bandmate, your best friend, with Calum Hood. How bad could it be?

Apparently, very bad. You and Calum had never been the subtle type and although you both pretty much knew there was more than friendship between you two, no one made a move to make it more. Ashton had asked you once when you two had gone out for lunch after a studio session.

"I just can't understand why you two haven't already gotten over it and got together. You'd thought about it, he's thought about it. Just do it," Ashton huffed, shaking his head as he watched you tense up and shake your head.

"The band is what's important, Ash. We can't let our feelings get in the way of fucking up what all five of us have created. He knows that and I do too," you'd replied, laughing quietly as Ashton only shook his head and mumbled something under his breath.

But Ashton was always one to try and make others happy in his own special way. And that's how you found yourself in the car with Calum on the way out of the city for a hike you were less than excited about. You knew Ashton was up to something when he'd texted the group saying that you and Calum would have to drive to the trail together since you wouldn't fit in his car with Luke, Mike, and their partners. As a form of payback, you'd purposefully told Calum to pick you up thirty minutes after the original time to make sure you were the last ones to get there because there was nothing more than Ashton hated than being late. And that's how you found yourself driving out of the city with Calum, lost in your own head over how beautiful he looked.

"Mhm, you always make things fun," you chuckled and winked back at him, "We're gonna need it especially now that we're late and Ashton will definitely kill us."

The hike had gone surprisingly good considering three of you were not the most athletics and Luke and Michael had constantly been racing seeing who could go the farthest faster. Ashton had tried his best to keep everyone on track until you and Calum had teased him about being the mom friend as he'd set up his phone on a rock to shoot an update video for fans to let them know about the band had been up to. It had all been going according to plan until you moved closer to Calum and twisted your ankle, ending up on the floor staring up at the blue sky.

"Oh my god, I'm going to die. Just leave me here to die because I'm not making it," you cried out, "This is the end of me!"

In a matter of seconds since your back had hit the ground, four familiar faces hovered above you, one of them looking more concerned than the others. The pain shot through your spine and down your leg, your eyes closing as you tried to stop the tears from falling down your cheeks. Soon enough you found yourself being lifted up from the ground and a warm body pressed against your back. You could hear all the guys fighting over what to do, which meant your ankle wasn't twisted backward since none of them had screamed or puked their guts out. Their voices all mumbled into one as you breathed through the pain and it wasn't until Calum's warm breath was hitting your ear that you felt yourself take a deep breath in and open your eyes.

"I'm gonna stay here with you until Ash and the others can get a ranger to bring a car or something like that, okay?" he mumbled softly, his hand rubbing at your back as he helped you sit back against a rock.

"Please don't let my leg fall off, I need it to run on stage and to kick Michael when he steals my food," you whined.

"That's not gonna happen, okay? I think you just twisted it and it's all going to be okay, sweet girl," Calum mumbled and kissed your forehead, "Promise."

The sun was still high in the sky by the time you started thinking Ashton had left you both in the desert. You'd both been sitting on the ground together, watching as your ankle grew and grew in size as the time passed by. The pain had dulled and your head was resting on his shoulder when your brain had started to think of the worst.

"You know, this wouldn't have happened if you were Australian. Us Aussies are known for our athleticism," Calum chuckled as he nudged your side with his elbow, "It's a well-known fact."

"I can do a better Australian accent than all four of you," you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you smacked his thigh, "And I can outrun pretty much all of you except Ash."

"Except right now."

"Calum Hood, I swear if you don't stop making fun of me-"

"What? Are you gonna hit me again? I dare you-"

You don't know what came over you. Maybe it was the heat of the sun beaming down on you both. Or maybe the fact that you were thirsty since Michael had taken the only backpack with water with him before you two realized it but Calum's lips looked very nice and it took no self-restraint for you to lean in and stop him mid-sentence.

"Maybe you should twist your ankle more often, huh?" Calum chuckled as you both pulled away, "Or bully you more often."

"Shut up and kiss me again, idiot," you laughed and pulled him back in for another kiss.

"Who knew all I had to do was get you two alone on a hiking trail for you to finally kiss, huh?" Ashton's chuckled made you both pull away, making you both look like a deer caught in headlights.

"Oh shut up, I'm never going on a hike with any of you again," you huffed and gratefully took the park ranger’s hand as he helped you on to what looked like a golf car.

It was a short trip back to the medical center, where they treated your very swollen ankle with ice while you downed all the water you could get your hands on. But you were grateful that Calum hadn't left your side once, his hand in yours as you squeezed it whenever you'd hit a bump or when the park ranger wrapped your ankle. His hand was still in yours as you both drove back to the city and it never left yours even when you both laid on the couch in his living room that night, drifting off in each other's company for once accepting that maybe, just maybe, this could be more than just stolen glances.

taglist: @hoodhoran @finelliine @moonlightcriess @dinosaursandsocks @mxgyver @calpops @karajaynetoday @notlukehemmo @calumrose @devilatmydoor @lyss-xo @lowkeyflop @hemmo1996-5sosvevo @myloverboyash @notinthesameguey

#calum hood blurbs #calum hood imagines #calum hood x reader #5sos imagines #5sos blurbs #5sos x reader #calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer #gemma writes

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vivithefolle · 3 years

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I was always confused by Hermiones behavior towards Ron in OOTP. Was she trying to hide her feelings? because she didn't really gave him any signs. Why she was so nasty at him with the teaspoon thing. Was she trying to make him jealous with the letters? What did or didn't she understand from Ron giving her the perfume. Is all this just JKR being stupid because she don't want them together before the very end. Sry for all these questions but I am rly confused can you plz help Vivi?

Once again, I’ll copy one of my Quora essays!

it’s a stereotype to say that girls resort to underhanded tactics when it comes to dating, or like to “test” their partner’s love… but it’s a stereotype for a reason: there are teenage girls who resort to those tactics.

The archetype of the Tsundere exists as an exaggeration of the traits some teenage girls demonstrate when they find themselves in a position of vulnerability such as “having a crush on someone”.

For someone as prideful as Hermione is, having a crush on someone is extremely threatening.

Hermione prides herself in her logic and intelligence. The validation she receives from getting good grades is something she needs, because she’s very insecure deep down. She thinks all she has to offer is her intelligence, and as she goes from a little girl to a young woman, this causes her grief because she doesn’t want to be just “intelligent”. As her body develops and changes, she finds that being the smartest one in the room isn’t enough anymore - she still loves being the smartest in the room, but she wants more than just that, she wants validation for other things. That’s why she was extremely hurt when Ron tactlessly (and Rowling-ly) remarks “you’re a girl” - she wants to be seen as a girl, as a woman, as more than a walking brain. She wants validation that she is a girl, and beautiful, and sexy, and capable of making heads spin. She needs “sexual” validation, for lack of a better term.

Of course she doesn’t really realize those feelings. All she knows is that it hurts when Ron seems to consider her “one of the guys”, or looks at girls that aren’t her. She likes it when he compliments her, but she’s also angry at him because he only ever seems to compliment her intelligence and damn it, she wants him to compliment something else! She wants him to look at her, REALLY look at her! Look at her like he looks at the pretty girls!

Little does she know that Ron does look at her, but he probably thinks he’s a pervert for doing so. Because - because she’s Hermione! She’s not like other girls, she’s not - she’s not the kind of girl you ogle! She’s the kind of girl you gift flowers to - roses, they’re her favourite - the kind of girl you have long, meaningful talks with - not sure if they’re always meaningful, but they sure talk a lot together! - she’s the kind of girl you… the kind of girl you love, not the kind of girl you just look at…

*wistful sigh* Mutual pining, mutual admiration, slow burn, +100k words…

But truth is, many people go around saying that Hermione treating Ron harshly and treating pretty much every boy (with exceptions like Draco Malfoy) more gently is because she actually doesn’t like Ron, and likes anyone but Ron.

When the truth actually is that… Hermione is awful. No, no, seriously, when Hermione is in love, she’s terrible. She can be a nice friend but when she’s in love with you she’s horrible. Especially since she’s a teenager.

Hermione is a prime example of a Tsundere.

The cute, blushy, giggling Hermione who flirts with [insert character here] and cries delicately when she’s rejected? Pure fanfiction. Canon Hermione keeps her love aggressively hidden behind countless iron walls, only letting it peek through when she’s absolutely sure the person she likes isn’t looking.

“How was practice?” asked Hermione rather coolly half an hour later, as Harry and Ron climbed through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. “It was -” Harry began. “Completely lousy,” said Ron in a hollow voice, sinking into a chair beside Hermione. She looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt. - Order of the Phoenix

Rare footage of the Hermione Granger, scientific name Selfinsertus Overratedus, displaying interest in specimen of mighty fine hunk

Hermione isn’t sweet and tender and kind with the one she loves. At least, the teenage Hermione isn’t. She’s harsh, she’s disdainful and only gives out breadcrumbs of affection once in a while as part of the complicated mind game she’s playing.

You see, Hermione is never going to make the first move. You must be the one to ask her out, because she sure as hell ain’t going to do it for you.

This is due, I think, to the events of Goblet of Fire. Viktor Krum asks her out because Rowling absolutely wants Hermione to be the ugly duckling who transforms into the beautiful swan, so she brings in Cardboard Cutout With No Personality Aside From Being Famous to woo her self-insert.

Now Hermione has gotten the experience of being asked out, and being a rather socially awkward person who also hates being vulnerable - more on that later - well, now she just assumes that if someone asked her out once, then anyone who does like her can do the same.

Which is why she doesn’t realize that Ron is actually aware he loves her. There’s a big comedy of assumptions going on in Romione’s love story.

Hermione believes that Ron either 1) likes her but is oblivious to his own feelings and so she thinks she has to “give him hints” to make him realize it. Emphasized best by this exchange:

Hermione laughed. “Harry you’re worse than Ron [at understanding girls]… well, no, you’re not, “ she sighed, as Ron himself came stumping into the Hall splattered with mud and looking grumpy.

“I’ve sent him so many signals and yet he doesn’t notice. Woe is me!”

2) doesn’t actually likes her, but sees her just as a good mate or worse, as another sister.

Hermione keeps flip-flopping between her two assumptions throughout the series, all because of her biggest assumption: she thinks that if Ron was interested in her, he would ask her out. Because Viktor Krum was interested in her, and he asked her out, so why wouldn’t Ron do the same? They’re both boys and she’s a girl, after all. Isn’t that how it works?

This is also why Hermione’s “““invitation”““ to the Slug Club isn’t even an invitation - really, it’s worse than Ron’s invite to the Yule Ball, at least he was actually offering her to come:

“We’re allowed to bring guests,” said Hermione, […], “and I was going to ask you to come, but […] I won’t bother.”

“I was going to ask you to come but I won’t bother.”

This is literally what she says. It’s more of a “look Ron! An invite! If you’re good maybe I’ll think about letting you have it!” than anything else.

It’s because this is Hermione’s last resort. The ultimate humiliation. She has to resort to inviting Ron when in her mind, he’s supposed to be the one asking her out. He’s the boy! He’s supposed to do it! (And this is why I laugh at all the fools who claim that Hermione is the pinnacle of feminism. Seriously, the girl is more of a misogynist than any other character in the series.)

Hermione failed to take into account that Ron’s insecurity cripples him worse than she imagines, and that he copes with it differently than she copes with her own insecurities.

And this is the part where I explain about Hermione’s hatred of being vulnerable.

You see, I can relate quite a lot to Hermione - I see a lot of me in her, and a lot of people who hurt me in the past as well.

Bullied because she was an easy target, being the know-it-all and local teacher’s pet? Yep. Bullied for her appearance (I got braces when I was 8 and have been wearing glasses since I was a toddler, she had her bushy hair and buck teeth)? Can relate. Cried easily? Super check. Rule enforcer when the teachers weren’t around? Mega check.

And naturally, when you’re such a water fountain as I was, there’s nothing more humiliating than ending up crying in front of your bullies. You quickly learn that it will bring you nothing but more bullying. More humiliation. More vulnerability.

Hence why you start despising any form of vulnerability you find in yourself.

Obviously, being in love? That’s one of the most terrible things you can find yourself in when you’re afraid of being vulnerable. Because, oh god, your feelings are completely insane around the person. They make or ruin your day. You keep wanting to show them how cool / great / impressive you are, and you try desperately to mask all your little faults so they will hopefully return your feelings.

Given that Hermione is already not the most socially-aware battering ram in the knife drawer, she acts especially nasty to Ron, because she’s overcompensating for the vulnerability he makes her feel. And she most likely isn’t even aware of it! Forget Fanfic Hermione cringing as she realizes how mean she sounds, welcome Canon Hermione who just doubles down on a pointless argument just to drive home how totally in control she is and how Ron has absolutely zero effect on her, no siree!

In short: Hermione overthinks. She overthinks everything. She’s overthinking every of Ron’s actions, she’s assuming he’s either out to get her because she assumes he’s perfectly aware of her crush on him and he’s just toying with her (this is the very insecure, pessimistic Hermione speaking), she’s assuming he’s completely oblivious to her feelings and so she uses the ages-old technique of the “subtle hints” to make her feelings known to him (and fails miserably because she doesn’t want to put herself out there too much in case he rejects her, which would be the ultimate humiliation and the worst possible thing to happen to her, in her teenage girl mind), and she’s assuming he’ll never like her the way she likes him, all the while being woefully oblivious to the fact that Ron does want to be with her but she keeps sending him signals that she sees him as a troublesome child rather than a potential partner.

All in all, a teenage Hermione in love is utter torture. She’s her own worst enemy, and it’s only when she decides to let go of it all - of the mind games, of the distancing, of the passive-aggressive; of the overthinking - and just takes a chance that her efforts bear fruit.

There was a clatter as the basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione’s arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet.

(As much as I’m disillusioned with Romione, this kiss is still one of my favourite parts of the series. They mutually sweep each other off their feet for god’s sake, you wish your ship would.)

#vivi answers #ask #romione #hermione granger #ron weasley #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #hp fandom #hp meta #character analysis #hp analysis #romance #teenagers

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts

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sadwentz · 4 years

Text

choose your twin: atsumu miya

pairing: atsumu miya x reader

warnings: relationship issues and nsfw implied.

a/n: finally, the collab is out!!! thank you carrie for doing this with me I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE WRITING THIS GOD,,, bruh, this is my masterpiece, i love it sm KJAKSJJASKJ i hope y’all enjoy this!!!! i want to thank my wife who doesnt have tumblr for helping me w this,,, shes the loml and the BEST beta reader i could ask for... tHANK YOU BABY

word count: 2.1k

cyt taglist: @memetabolismm @cuddly-bakugo @wansseul @kuroosbrat @sneezefiction @yusemis @kimimarowo @kairostatue

taglist: @fryingpanitachi @yams046 @presmiic @sushij1ma @kingtamakimurder @dumbassbrigade @badboysdoitbetter2 @cucktobirama @usobad @newfriendjen @hookedinto-fictionalworlds @sanguinekeigo @0ikawawa @smexygremenem @add1ctedtoan1m3 @wxxnks @idiot-juice-enthusiast @faitans @sanemisthiccbih @starlitorchids @rureczka @ska9r

WANT ANOTHER DATE? CLICK HERE

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀YOUR CURRENT PICK: ATSUMU MIYA

“i know you’re tired of dating apps for college students!” you growled at the comment, exhausted.

“and this isn't the typical matching you do to me when i am lonely?” you questioned, bokuto raised his eyebrows.

“shut up, y/n, you know what i mean.” rolling your eyes, you covered yourself with the biggest blanket in the bed.

“since i broke up with my ex, you and akaashi have tried to set me up too many times, i don't know what to believe anymore.” you groaned.

“y/n you know you are such a good girl, that’s why this guy it's the one.” he said confidently.

“you’re not allowed to call me good girl, you’re gross,” he gasped and you scoffed, “and how do you know that he is the one? are you… god?”

he groaned loudly, “god, shut the fuck up, i’m right you’re wrong.”

“you always say that, and you are always mistaken.” you pouted at him and closed your eyes, drifting to sleep ignoring the rest of bokuto’s words.

…

osamu groaned, “yer’ such a pain in the ass, ‘tsumu.”

atsumu chuckled, looking at his body up and down on the large mirror he had on the back of the door of his room. the shirt he was wearing was kind of tight, showing clearly how his every day work-out performed wonders on his upper body. his gaze lowered to his pants, he wasn't sure if wearing those dirty ass sweatpants was the optimal choice, he didn't know if his date was as judgemental as he was, so changing pants was probably the best choice. on his way to his closet, he saw how osamu was scrolling quickly on his phone, paying zero attention to him.

“you’re not helping me today, whatcha’ doing there?” osamu looked at him with disgust, atsumu raised his eyebrows. “why are you looking at me like that?”

“you better not fuck this date up, ‘tsumu.”

“do you happen to know something i don't?”

“yeah, like always.” both glared at each other throwing silent knives.

atsumu finally dressed himself nicely, and osamu didn’t add any other snarky comment for the rest of the morning, letting atsumu breathe peacefully for a few hours. The time for the date was approaching very fast, the weight of his brother's words was making him more nervous every minute that passed by. osamu was supposed to drive him to the place he would meet up with the unknown girl, but he bailed at the last second making him walk there, while claiming that he was the better twin because he had a driver’s license.

his heart was pounding untypically, he was always amazed by how his good looks worked on the female population, but being lowkey threatened by his own brother about going on a date with a woman wasn’t something that always happened. osamu usually didn't care at all about his whole career he had created on his years of being a college student; dominating the feelings of women, wrapping them around his finger only to let them down at the end of the so-called ‘fling’, so his thoughts went to osamu and how he actually called him out about everything else.

people always thought the worst about him when he started a new fling, and usually people were right about it. atsumu had a bad history with women, they always expected more than he could give to them, so he acted like the asshole he was deep down and scared them away. so him agreeing to go on this blind date because his brother’s friend akaashi was involved, probably wasn't a good idea at all knowing akaashi and his friends.

while walking alone on the sidewalk, he was already feeling this date wasn't meant to be, as if he believed in something so foolish as destiny. the place he was set up for his blind date was a small coffee shop not so close to his shared apartment with osamu, but he could manage a thirty-minute walk by himself.

he sent a text to the number akaashi gave him, they weren't really that close, but osamu seemed to trust the guy a lot and at first sight, akaashi keiji looked like a good person overall, so atsumu could try and be nice for once, right?

a minute later, his phone vibrated.

strangerdanger: i’m already here!

atsumu groaned, he was already late.

…

you saw that the coffee shop had booths available as you entered the place, you thought about ordering your drink first, but that was kind of rude, so you decided to sit immediately on the booth that had the biggest window by it, just to have a clear sight of who entered and who was just passing by.

you arrived ten minutes early, wanting to be there first before your date made an appearance. he shooted you a text five minutes before the hour that was set, saying he was arriving soon and asking where you were.

y/n: i’m already here!

mr. loml: nice, i’m one block away.

y/n: okay! i’m sitting in the booth next to the big window.

you shivered, mixed feelings of being excited and already hating how he arrived just in time. you didn't know what you could expect from this blind date set up by the one and only bokuto koutarou, he said nothing about your date but mentioned how keiji was friends with a guy who had a twin, so you anticipated that maybe the twin mentioned was going to show up to the blind date. you shrugged, well, this was the last time you followed bokuto and akaashi’s words without asking anything else, that blind trust you had in them sometimes did you more wrong than right.

your eyes scanned the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop, waiting and feeling slightly anxious for someone to cross the street and suddenly appear in front of you. fidgeting with your fingers, you decided to concentrate on other things to soothe your nerves, thinking about how the coffee from the shop was excellent and akaashi told you only good things about it.

“hola?”

“excuse me?” you turned your head slowly to the voice by your side.

“are you my date?”

your jaw dropped, this man was hot, like, really hot.

“yes? i don't know, i guess?” atsumu raised an eyebrow, “which twin are you?”

he scoffed, “the better one.”

“uhm, okay.” this was an awkward start, “let’s order our drinks?”

he told you his coffee order and sat in front of you at the other side of the booth as you stood up and walked to the cashier.

atsumu watched you walk away from the table, staring at your ass for a few seconds. observing how you interacted with the barista taking the orders, how you smiled and made cute gestures with your hands when you talked, which by the way, looked very soft.

after you came back with the drinks and handed him his order you felt a little relieved, maybe now you could actually have a normal conversation and forget about that strange first interaction, first impressions weren’t that important… right?

you discovered that this guy was called ‘atsumu’ and he didn’t talk very fondly about his twin, ‘osamu’. he had dirty blond hair and an undercut that suited him very well, besides, you couldn’t help but look at his shirt, this dude crearly knew how to show off his body, it was a little tight so you could actually see his abs.

he caught you staring at his body and smirked. “do you like what you’re seeing?” your gaze snapped from his lower stomach to his face, you could feel your cheeks getting red and hot. “i’m joking, i know you like it.”

this was another thing that you learned while talking to him, he was a little bit of an asshole. he loved talking about himself and teasing other people.

“yeah sure, you wish.” what he didn’t know was that you could also be like that when you wanted to.

“wow” atsumu was surprised that he was actually having fun on a blind date.

“what?”

“women are not funny.” you stared at him, shocked, and then proceeded to stab his hand with your plastic fork.

“it was a joke!” he rubbed his injured hand.

you chuckled, atsumu could be annoying at times, but you found that kind of charming in a way.

atsumu talked and talked about his time spent in highschool playing volleyball and how his twin brother was the most annoying person on the planet but he loved him anyway. you found yourself staring at him with heart eyes while he ranted on bizarre moments of his life and described the fight he had with his brother about hair colors so other people could distinguish them from each other. you tried to imagine atsumu with grey hair to get a picture of osamu in your head, feeling kind of dumb.

“osamu seems nice, can i meet him?” atsumu’s face suddenly changed and he looked annoyed.

“why?”

“he sounds like the better looking twin.” he gasped and put a hand on his chest dramatically, feeling slightly offended.

“he was the one who set me up with you, so i don’t think you have a chance with him.” he crossed his arms, looking away.

“i just wanted to meet him, not date him.” you snickered, seeing how his face turned pink but his face changed immediately to a cocky smirk.

“oh, so, you want to date me?”

“dude, we are on date right now.”

“nah, sorry, i don’t do dating” that took you for surprise, you blinked dumbfoundedly.

“then why are you here?”

atsumu went on a rant about his love life, how people always expected a lot from him when he dated, wanting him to commit immediately to a relationship when he just wanted to have fun. so, that lowkey sparked a fear of commitment when it came to dating, that's why every time he met a girl he tried to be as clear as possible, stating that he didn’t want to have a full-on relationship with her, it was just a one night stand after all. but the girls, god, the girls seemed to have a fixation on him, every morning after a hook-up the girl would always ask him for a date or more than that, so he ended up being known as a heartbreaker and an asshole to the female population. the whole time you were looking at his huge arms and didn't understand a thing… oops.

“...that's rough, buddy.” you couldn’t think about anything else to say, you didn’t sign up to give therapy to a stranger.

“were you even listening to me?”

“i tried at the beginning, but it was lowkey deep so…” he stared at you, dumbfoundedly, “what i did catch was some stuff about fear of commitment, so listen, i won’t pressure you to anything, i just want to have fun too.” you shrugged.

atsumu was speechless, but he tried to recover immediately and catch you off guard. “well then, your place or my place?”

“mine.” you didn’t even skip a beat, this was a game for two.

he was the one caught off guard.

...

he got pegged.

atsumu couldn’t believe it either, he just found himself on all fours on your bed, watching expectantly how you, well, did your thing behind him. he did everything in his power to not show how much he was enjoying the whole experience, but you knew by the way he was shuddering.

“you can shower if you want.” you said lazily from the bed. “there’s a clean towel behind the door.”

he nodded and silently walked to the bathroom, with mixed feelings flowing through his chest. he thought your shampoo smelled really nice as he cleaned himself in the shower.

he stepped out of the shower and dressed himself, when he came out of the bathroom you were already with your clothes on preparing yourself a sandwich on the kitchen counter.

without looking at him you said, “well, it was nice meeting you, please say thanks to osamu for setting us up.” he stood there and blinked, not sure about what to do next.

he tried to compose himself, only thinking of how he was getting kicked out, “i can’t do that, it would get to his head and he would never shut up about how great he is.” you chuckled.

“yeah sure, you know where the door is.” you patted his shoulder on your way back to the bedroom, disappearing after closing the door.

he stood there for a few seconds, then left.

…

blond twin: so, when are you free again?

y/n: huh?

blond twin: y’know, for a second date?

y/n: HUH? i thought you didn’t do dating

y/n: maybe you want to get pegged again?

blond twin: shut up

blond twin: so? time and place?

#atsumu #atsumu miya #haikyuu atsumu miya #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu!!#atsumu x reader #atsumu miya x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x female reader #my fics #collab

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