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amomentsescape · 4 months

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Hey I love yanderes and slashers and used to have a sleep walking problem where I would try to crawl through windows, can you do a yandere slasher x reader where the reader has developed Stockholm syndrome and been loving to the slasher so they trust them and let them have more freedom. Then they see them try to crawl out a window in their sleep? How would they react? Would they believe the reader? What would make them believe them if they didn't? If they didn't believe them the how would they react to finding out the reader told the truth?

Thank you so much! And merry Christmas! 🎄 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎅🎅🎅🎅🎅

Slashers with Reader Who Sleepwalks & Tries to Leave

Yandere! Slashers x Reader (Separate)

Warnings: Yandere behavior, of course. Mentions of abusive behavior

A/N: Merry (late) Christmas! I hope you all had a great holiday! For this request, I decided to leave Eric out. He's just the complete opposite to a Yandere in my opinion, and it was nearly impossible for me to write him as such. I hope that's okay!

Freddy Krueger

He knows you would never purposefully leave him

Like, he actually knows

His (undead) life revolves around sleep

He knows when you're awake and where you're actually sleeping, even if he keeps you stuck in his dream world

So when he finds you trying to escape out of the little window he built for you, he just laughs

He had already known you sleep walked

He'd been haunting your dreams for weeks prior to actually taking you

Freddy just keeps watching you, not really doing anything about it

You're stuck in his world either way

Might as well see how far you'll go

He'll almost use this as a test of sorts

He'll let you wander to wherever you want to go in your sleep, and he may even change the environment to something you don't recognize

When you wake up, his name better be the first thing that falls from your lips

If it's not...

Well, he'll just have to try harder at getting you to need him

Michael Myers

It took a very long time for Michael to get to this point

The fact that he lets you sleep without chains is a huge decision on his part

He doesn't trust easily

And any feelings of trust he did have come crumbling down the moment he wakes up without you beside him

It didn't take long to find you

There you were, pushing and prodding at the boarded up window

He's truly pissed

And a little hurt

He really thought you were growing to actually like your situation

But when he spins you around and sees your eyes staring blankly through him, he tilts his head

You don't seem... right?

He'll shake you harshly until he sees the life come back to your eyes

When you finally look up at him with a similarly confused look on your face, he starts to realize

He understands you well enough to know when you're not acting like yourself

When he finally explains what you were doing after you repeatedly asked him, you sigh

You explain that sometimes at night, you wander around without realizing it

A sleepwalker, huh?

Sadly, the chains will need to come out again

Jason Voorhees

You wouldn't actually leave him, right?

You seemed so caring

He actually believed you when you said you needed him

But here you were, trying to leave your shared home in the middle of the night

He almost breaks down as he picks you up and takes you back to your room

He finds it a bit odd that you don't fight back at all, but he assumes you just don't care to

He locks you up and makes sure that you can't go anywhere

How could you do this to him?

When you wake up the next morning in chains and not in your shared bed, you begin to cry for Jason

He tries to ignore you, but he can't bring himself to hear your sad voice calling out to him

You try your best to tell him that you don't remember what happened, and that you would never leave him

And maybe he's too trusting, but he believes you

You just seem so sad and so genuine that it's impossible for him to think it's anything other than honesty

You couldn't be that stupid anyways

You'd get lost in those woods alone at night, he knows that

So he just has to believe you

He loves you, and love means trust, right?

Thomas Hewitt

But you were being so sweet to him just hours before

How could you lie to his face like that?

He wakes up without you in his arms, and he just about loses it

Frantically searches for you around the house and finally finds you at one of the nailed in windows

He pulls you away quickly, staring at you sadly

He's waiting for an explanation, but you don't say anything

You just stare

You weren't acting like yourself

He pushes you back towards the bedroom and you walk the rest of the way yourself, climbing back into bed with ease

He's confused, but decides to see if it will happen again

You can't leave anyways

The whole house is locked up, and you don't even know where the keys are

You act just like your normal self the next day

And that night, you're back to walking around with a blank stare

He figures this just might be a thing you do

Doesn't really try to stop you, but he does follow you most nights to make sure you don't accidentally hurt yourself

On nights he wants you in bed, he ties some old fabric around your ankle and holds you tight while you sleep

You might not ever know about your late night adventures unless he decides to tell you

Bubba Sawyer

He's quite literally blubbering to you

He's crying, he's frantic, he even shakes you a bit, and you just stand there not responding

He keeps waiting, and when you start to just wander around again, he loses it

What's wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?

He ties you back into bed and stays up the rest of the night, watching you

The next morning, he confronts you stressfully

You keep telling him over and over that you don't know what he's talking about

But he refuses to believe you

(He wants to believe you, he's just scared)

He only finally realizes you were being honest when in the middle of the day during your nap, he finds you wandering back to the window with his whole family watching you

You weren't stupid

Why would you try to leave when literally everyone could see you in broad daylight?

His family begins laughing and saying things like "looks like you got yourself a sleepwalker"

So you weren't purposefully trying to leave him?

He cries tears of joy and spends the next couple of days pampering you and giving you just about everything you want

He does his best to show you that he's sorry

Brahms Heelshire

It's quite literally known that Brahms has abandonment issues at this point

So when he catches you climbing up onto the window sill

He loses it

Will grab you and roughly pull you off, your body falling to the ground

This immediately wakes you up, your eyes searching around frantically

When you see Brahms standing above you, you try to reach for him, but he only shoves you away

You look so sad and confused at this, but Brahms is too stubborn to give in

He starts tying you up again each night, still very hurt that you would try to leave like that

It takes weeks for you to gain his trust again

And the one night he lets you sleep freely, he catches you by the window again

But instead of grabbing you immediately, he decides to just watch

He wants to see how far you'll go so he knows just how severe your punishment will need to be

But instead, you just give up on unlocking the window (it was jammed), and you just turn around and walk straight back to bed, not even registering Brahms being right there

This is odd

You need to explain the concept of sleepwalking to him the next day

He still remains skeptical for a while, but he'll come around

You just need to be extra attentive for a while...

Norman Bates

Norman already knows a lot about sleepwalking

(It's what he thought was going on for a while when he couldn't remember large chunks of time throughout the week)

When he finds you opening a window in the middle of the night, he bolts at you, ready to lock you back up in one of the motel rooms again

However, when you don't respond or reveal any emotion on your face, he immediately knows what's going on

He's surprised

He didn't know you'd be a sleepwalker

He decides to just lead you back to bed, knowing that waking you isn't the best idea

Sits you down the next morning and talks with you about it

When you seem very apologetic, he uses it to his advantage

Has you cuddle up with him even more than normal and stay by his side at all hours of the day

He still gives you some freedom

But he's always watching

He does take some precautions and ties your wrist up in the middle of the night

He has to, for your safety of course

Billy Loomis

To be honest, you don't make it very far

Billy has an iron grip on you at all times, and he's a light sleeper

The moment you get up, he's awake, observing you carefully

Sometimes you have to pee in the middle of the night, but he still makes sure you aren't lying to him

His ability to trust is practically in the ground

The moment you turn the wrong way, he's up and chasing after you

Were you that dumb? You knew he watched you every time you got up from bed

He grabs your wrist quickly and points a knife at your throat as a threat

He can't bring himself to actually hurt you though, not that you knew that

Or did you?

Because you just stand there not even moving away from the blade

Billy becomes very confused

He takes his hand and begins to wake it in front of your face, looking for some sort of reaction

You don't give him one

Are you still... asleep?

He shakes you a bit until you finally look at him, confusion written all over your face

You're a sleepwalker, aren't you?

He just rolls his eyes annoyed and drags you back to bed, not explaining anything

Just another thing he needs to look out for now

You sometimes wake up to bruises on your hips and waist from how hard Billy holds you in the night, but he's just trying to protect you, right?

He doesn't mean to hurt you, he just refuses to lose another person in his life

Stu Macher

Stu literally sleeps on you, so it's nearly impossible for you to leave the bed most nights

But if you somehow wiggle your way out, you wouldn't make it outside the house

The windows have been nailed so that they only open a small amount

When he finds you the next morning, curled up under a partially opened window, he just smiles

Call it naive, but he just assumes you were getting too warm in the bed

When you wake up in a confused state however, he becomes concerned

What do you mean you don't remember opening that window?

He honestly just becomes more worried that there's something wrong with your memory rather than you trying to leave him

He'll likely talk to Billy about it

He just hears laughter from the other end of the phone

"Sounds like they sleep walk," he'd say

Stu does a bunch of research on it later

He doesn't really mind though

All of the unsafe objects are already hidden away, and every possible exit is locked down

You aren't going anywhere

If anything, he finds it fun to wake up some mornings and look around for you

It's like a game, and Stu loves games

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anantaru · 1 year

Text

DIFFERENT KIND OF FINE

— ꒰ synopsis ꒱ — being kaveh‘s younger sibling can be quite jarring yet you‘re eternally grateful for his hot room mate keeping you company while you wait for him.

— ꒰ word count ꒱ — 4.3k

— ꒰ warnings ꒱ — [ns]fw, fem! reader, reader is in their 20s + kaveh‘s step sibling, kaveh is both older than you and alhaitham, perv alhaitham ??, he's calling you a 'good girl', he's a tease

by now, how many times in your life did you have to run after your careless, irresponsible brother?

had to make sure he isn't doing anything reckless again, despite him being an akademiya graduate. Or that one time when he had visited your home only to forget half of his belongings, requiring you to carry them all over to his place.

well, not to his place to be exact.

after yet another foolish decision in kaveh's life, your step brother even got himself caught up in heavy debt, being in need of a place to stay.

however at first, he had asked you, but ever since you had gotten adopted you had already spent the majority of your life with him.

to say you were tired was an understatement.

as a matter of fact kaveh did find a place to stay in the end, one you were quite surprised to hear of, bewildered even, you just couldn't wrap your head around how on earth that was supposed to work out in the long run.

you had heard of his roommate, the akademiya's scribe, or how most people were referring to him, as alhaitham, from kaveh himself, aside of the very detailed stories about how ill mannered and ignorant he could become, especially to your brother in question.

in all honesty, it made you laugh, you mean to tell him that yes, sometimes messing with him, taking a lot out of him could be fun in all aspects but maybe it was due to the fact that you were practicing those methods from your childhood days on.

as life went on, you found yourself at his new settling every once in a while, more often when the scribe himself wasn't there, almost as if kaveh was trying his utmost best to never have you both meet each other.

once you had asked him as to why, feeling insulted that he even thought you wouldn't realize when he was making it painfully conspicuous, more whenever your brother would panic that *now* he was usually coming home from his work, you had to leave right now.

all he had to say about it was that he was certain you wouldn't like him anyways, would actually loath him too and wasn't it a part of nature to protect your younger sibling from each major plague in life?

to that, you couldn't respond with anything meaningful, suffocating the conversation right then and there because truthfully, though it may seem strange, you didn't think your brother would lie to you in that precise set of circumstances because maybe he was right, perhaps you really would hold a hostile environment towards the scribe.

even now, as you were strolling through an appealing, warm evening in sumeru city, you not once had met alhaitham, at this being slightly hopeful that you wouldn't cross paths with him today either.

because you see, it was that time of the month again, the: your brother has, again, forgotten something at home after visiting you, putting on the responsibility on your shoulders to fetch and transport it back to his place.

ordinarily you concluded that at this time of the day kaveh surely must've gotten home by now, you knew his schedule by heart and were quite confident to meet him there right away, knocking on the door as you at last, found your way to the huge place he resided in.

knock, knocking once more, silence ... knock again?

after knocking a total of three times, with no one opening the door for you, your expression slightly changed from normal, to confused, to that of being utterly annoyed.

it's not like you didn't have anything better to do other than being your brothers little assistant or however you wanted to frame it.

since you had been to his place numerous amounts of times before, in addition that you determined that he surely must've fallen asleep again, you decided to check the door handle to see if it was open all along, which it then, was.

(you put an important mental note in the deepest ends of your brain to scold him afterwards for carelessly leaving the door to his home open like this.)

you carefully cradled your fingers around the door handle to pull it down, pushing the door open to let yourself in.

okay, well, maybe it wasn't a smart idea to just straight up enter a home from someone you didn't know, but kaveh was living there for a good amount of time already so you didn't think too much of it.

the second you had entered you swiftly closed the door behind you, the faint breeze from outside scampering around your body as you tightly held onto the two books he forgot at your place, walking towards the living room.

"kaveh?" you spoke, rolling your eyes and deciding to get a bit louder, already being done with this whole, bloody situation, "kaveh!"

once reaching the living room you with, might i add, a bit too much applied strength, violently thumped the books onto the wooden coffee table and huffed out, distressfully folding your arms in front of your body.

"what has that poor table done to you?" you helplessly shrieked the moment you had perceived an unfamiliar, deep voice, the little hairs on the back of your neck standing straight while you were slowly turning around in horror.

"who are you?!" you could say you spoke before actually bringing the whole situation to your mind to thoroughly think about it, leaving the unacquainted man in front of you with a confused look on his face.

"I think i could ask you the same." he was quick to gather a response, flawlessly bringing himself a step closer towards your frame but still leaving enough space between your bodies.

"because you see, this is my house." instead of kindly introducing himself to you, like any other person would, he swiftly walked past your body to plop himself onto the massive couch.

but never keeping his gaze off you, carefully sliding his eyes from your lips, to your exposed collarbones and glissading them over your body until reaching your legs.

it seemed as if he was waiting for a response from you, after all you had now rapidly deducted that this had to be none other than the scribe, alhaitham, himself.

you turned around to slightly lower your gaze to where he was sitting at, nonchalantly sipping on his cup before placing it on the coffee table right next to kaveh's books.

"so .. you must be?" warily, you allocated a question into the room, anxiously swaying in your footing from left to right.

"the owner of this house."

seriously?

the least he could do now was approach you back in kindness instead of making it a dozen amount more difficult for you, as well as embarrassing.

"that's not what i meant." how rude, okay, to give him the benefit of the doubt you were the one who broke into his house but clearly he must've known who you were.

or maybe he actually didn't when you take into account that all kaveh and alhaitham would do was bicker with each other day on day, play pranks or make it as difficult as possible for one another without actually exchanging a normal sounding sentence, once.

"what did you mean then?" casually, he settled back into the couch to withhold the long overdo smirk on his lips, leaning one hand over the frame, his eyes being currently fascinated by your cute lips, pretty eyes, attractive thighs and in confusion, scrunched up face.

or what about the skirt you were wearing, it neatly fit you and magnified your alluring curves, as if it was tailored just for your body to dress in.

what if you were to bend down right now, would the garment expose your cute panties underneath or was it just right, situated under your plump ass? keeping everything hidden from his hungry eyes.

your expression was being somewhat amusing, the hilarity of it all barely being able to be hidden.

"you know what? I'm leaving." attempting to stressfully remove the books off the wooden table, he quickly rose up to confidently sit upright, "wait."

"i assume you're kaveh's sibling?" the worst thing of it all was the tone in his voice, as if he wasn't actually asking you, just proving his own thesis. "yes."

you slowly pulled your shoulders back to appear more poised in your mannerism, standing upright when he suddenly shifted in his seat, scooting as to try to make some space for you.

"i'm alhaitham, though i don't think you've heard many good things about me." at the tip of his sentence, he gently tapped the now empty area next to him with his hand, beckoning you to take a seat.

what harm was there in doing that, right? it appeared as if kaveh wasn't home yet so you could spare some time to wait for him, with alhaitham, of all people.

his voice reverberated a deep, gentle timbre, as well as a controlling chime trussed around it.

you've quietly settled on the couch and exchanged names with him, you were wholly surprised to find such a man, that was for one, in all aspects different from what your brother had originally told you about and second, although he shared a couple intimidating peculiarities— which might be a natural revealing trait from his work, alhaitham was a clever, pleasant person to have a conversation with.

"kaveh is getting held back at the akademiya." he was idly finishing his drink, inconspicuously scurrying a couple inches closer to you.

"you can wait here if you want." you smile at his proposal, situating yourself within reach to better listen to him, "thank you so much, i will."

alhaitham hummed at your sense of utterance, his choice of words was well thought after, his body language too, turning it altogether more clear.

"who knew kaveh's sibling would be so well mannered." he added, understandably focusing on your lips or how they held a glint of sparkly lipgloss on top, "it's so different from him."

how would you taste like? the lipgloss he means.

would it be sticky on his lips? if he kisses you, or taste artificial, maybe a small amount of strawberries, the gloss faded in a translucent tone after all so all he could do was guess.

you're finding yourself awkwardly laughing at his words, "he's not always like that." nodding along, you decided to not dwell on it any longer, it was polite to bring forth your well mannered approach, after all he did open his doors for you ..

.. or you actually did, but he let you stay.

"i don't think kaveh is as polite as you?" he was lingering a bit closer now and for some reason you found the warmth his body set free pacifying.

you're able to fully glance over his facial features, focusing on the small dimples dwindling around the corners of his lips, his multicolored irises or the enticing cologne hanging in midst the air.

your nostrils were slightly flaring, involuntarily memorizing his scent, archons, you couldn't stop yourself from traveling into your thoughts, fighting every square in your body to halter yourself from drifting off into your daydreams.

"uh-" at first, you had no clue he was staring at you the whole, damn time, his hair strands were effortlessly falling around his porcelain skin, intently watching you through his thick lashes, "it depends on the person, i think."

"on the person you say." he trails off before smiling at you, a little coy and intriguing, the right corner of his lips being tucked back into a smirk.

you didn't even realize how close you two have been sitting next to each other by now, only being brought back to reality when you accidentally nudged your knee against his own, pulling in a sharp breath through your nose.

his scent was now heavily falling down on you, much more violent than before. A tease actually, that's what he was and you fell into it head first, your embarrassment cushioning your sweet cheeks with immense warmth as you disconcertingly pushed your thighs together.

so sweet, you never questioned yourself, and what about your brother? would he want you to fuck his roommate, or maybe, try and kiss him right now? and you know you shouldn't, obviously.

you could just fantasize about it after getting your ass up to leave this place, or this suffocating heat he effortlessly inflicted on you with nothing more than his pretty eyes delving daggers into your sweet skin.

but you wanted to taste it, the actual thing, his plump lips, you weren't this captivated by a person in a long time and it somehow scared you away, almost that is, because right now you were still sitting next to him, your knees playfully rubbing and nudging together.

his hand suddenly moves from his side to yours, gently being placed on top of your swaying thigh, massaging the soft skin when he noticed your slight shaking.

you returned his call, attempting to close the distance when he suddenly spoke again, "what would your brother say to this?" you only realize his hand wandering down more close when he rubbed painfully slow circles into the insides of your warm thigh, "would he be surprised, mad or furious?"

you're whining, he didn't even touch you on your burning little sensation and you were already helplessly heaving out, soft cries prickling from your throat to escape your lips.

"he doesn't have to know— please." this whole situation had your body tear each square of control off you and you were wondering what you were begging for in the first place.

perhaps to alhaitham— to keep his mouth shut in front of your brother, or maybe, you were additionally begging him to finally touch your clothed pussy with the flimsy material of your panties being drenched with nothing but your slick.

"Mm, please?" he's acting innocent, gently tipping his head to the side as his hand delved deeper, carefully pushing past your skirt, cupping your wet heat at once. "ah— there we go."

a single finger worked against you as you silently cried out, resting your forehead against his own while spreading your legs a little farther away.

it's only his middle finger but it still felt big, his build was remarkable and you could perceive a couple veins accentuating the back of his muscular arm rubbing circles on your clothed clit.

"you're wet there." he notes almost immediately, "what were you thinking about this whole time?" oh how sweet you were, the ticklish sensation of his knuckles ghosting on your skin had you giddy on the inside, your toes curling in your shoes. "n-nothing."

you deny whatever he thought about yet alhaitham knew better than this, way better, the amount of essence that coated his fingertips was too much evidence for you to blatantly repudiate his questions.

"pull up your shirt." he's fast, whispering against your neck when he instantaneously planted wet, open mouthed kisses on the thin skin, roughly slithering his tongue over it.

you do as he commands, quickly discarding your shirt but not completely, only letting the garment clutch over your breasts that were covered by your bra.

"good girl." you're trembling at the nickname, in your seat greedily burying your hands into his soft hair to pull him closer to your neck, letting him plant gentle bites and nips on you while simultaneously skimming his finger over your shielded folds.

"can you—" before you could finish, you stopped yourself from speaking, your attention being redirected by your sensitive little clit being pinched on.

you're throwing your head back at the slightly painful, yet fiery touch on you, "ah, please, more!" the anticipation in you to finally have his fingers deep inside your pussy, stirred up the adrenaline in your blood, yanking one of your legs over his own as alhaitham pulled you closer.

"more?" you clearly caught his interest, he lightly taps your clit with his middle finger before adding another one, your thighs instantly jolting up at the applied friction of another digit. "like this?"

"yeah— like this." you weakly responded, your voice a tone higher, alhaitham huffed out his warm breath on your damp neck that was wholly and sloppily glazed with his saliva when you smiled airily at him, resting your head against his comforting shoulder.

you're suddenly crying out, biting back a delicate whine when he gingerly hooked his fingers into the garment to at last, meet your exposed cunt, licking his lips at the sight.

if only your face wasn't so mesmerizing to look at while he's scissoring your tiny hole, alhaitham wanted to map it all out, your little pussy, every single inch, embed it into his perverted mind and jerk himself off at the thought of it afterwards.

he's greedily pulling your panties down, letting the flimsy material loosely dangle around your ankle as he positioned your leg back up on his own, watching your fluttering hole clench down on his curled up fingers.

if it wasn't for his other hand holding you open you were sure you would've suffocated the blood in his other arm by the way you wanted to push your thighs together around him, messily riding his digits with your bare cunt.

"i love how you feel down there." he shamelessly threw into the room, as if he didn't even care how shameful this situation was in its entirety, "you feel so good clamping down on me like that."

he smiles when he caught you yank your hips up a bit, meeting his pace midway, the raw squelching sounds of his fingers selfishly digging into your squishy walls rang through the big living room, your eyes squiring a glassy expression by the force alhaitham was going for.

"what if your brother comes in now?" at this, you reasonably gasped, desiring to actually smack that stupid grin off his face, "d-don't say that!" you mutter inaudibly as you're tucking him closer, your breasts cramming onto his chest when he looked at you, "really now?"

"imagine poor kaveh sitting on this couch afterwards." alhaitham heaved, abruptly pecking your lips when you deducted that this was the first time he had kissed you, at all, "the same couch I'm finger fucking his sibling on, right now."

you're moaning out screaming when he added a third and final finger, splitting your tiny hole with his thick digits and curling up, nudging the hammering spots deep within in your creamy walls.

his inappropriate choice of words had your mind turn hazy, liquifying all the rational thoughts in your body and turning them to nothing at all, dissolving them and replacing them with filthy, perverted things.

you could name it a carnal desire when you decided to hungrily kiss him, capture his plump lips with teeth colliding against each other.

it wasn't as tasteful as you thought it would be at first, the built up tension made it quite difficult to focus on two tasks at the same time, in addition to how hard alhaitham was fucking your tingling cunt.

yet alhaitham didn't mind, he wholly welcomed you, circling his wet muscle over your own as he pushed you deeper into the couch, adoring how your thighs began to vibrate from the sense of overstimulation he was capable to inflict on you throughout seconds.

how was it possible for him to be so good at this, so fucking skilled at pleasuring you senseless?

really, he only had met you today and you couldn't even remember another time when you were this needy, this wet and filthy minded because of another person.

"I think I'm close." you mewl out, your eyes being low lidded and beginning to strain from merely holding them open. Alhaitham snickered at your words, desperately suckling on your lips as he further amplified the tempo on your pussy. "close you say?"

he worked like magic, truly, it was addicting to be with him, the pleasure in you was heavily boiling, more so when your sensitive nipples began to roughly rub over the edge of your bra, your areolae being half exposed for his hungry, desiring eyes.

he was quick to pull himself away from your swollen lips, instead drawing himself to one of your nipples to encircle it in his warm mouth, greedily suckling in his breath to nibble on your tit while carrying on with his relentless pace on your cunt.

your lips twitch when you clasped them together, his finger pads grazing through the squishy flesh when your body tensed up, your hands having no other choice than to cradle around his neck, finally letting your orgasm wash over you.

"come on." his voice was raspy, "we're running out of time, you can do it, pretty." at his words you were helplessly scrunching your eyes shut, to half of his sentence you didn't even listen to, it was clear that the brutality of his touch alone would leave you sore, painfully sore but also yearning for him to do it once again.

you're limply grinding your hips into his hand a couple more times when you vehemently released into him, his palm being utterly drenched in your filthy slick while his thumb was carrying on to roll over your overstimulated clit.

you're moaning out his name, it felt silly to do it, to say it like that as if you were actually familiar with each other, contradicting the reality which was that you had just met him, not even hours ago.

"would you look at yourself." he purrs, alhaitham was lazily digging his fingers into your swollen cunt, captivated by your exhausted body listlessly leaning back, your chest heaving up and down and your thighs tightly clamping around his arm.

it was far too humiliating to look at him, to even speak back or say something.

because why, the moment you'd be brought back to reality, after a good fucking orgasm, all the problems would scrub over you in an instant, not even giving you additional time to bath in your deserved afterglow.

you noisily peaked between your legs with your loose cunt being still filled by his thick digits, noticing a dampened splotch underneath.

"you ruined my couch." he's noting before messily pulling out of you, his fingers being drenched in your sticky mess and quietly connecting to your cunt with a string of your essence holding you together.

"i— i didn't do it on purpose." you panic, not catching on that he was actually being sarcastic with you.

alhaitham for once, broke off the attention from your body, locating it to his soaked fingers before slowly opening his mouth, placing them on top of his tongue and closing his lips around it.

your eyes grew wide, the downright sinful look on his face had you hypnotized, another rush of excitement pistoling into you.

you find yourself staring without shame, drooling over the fact that alhaitham began to groan around his fingers, slurping them clean while searching for your gaze to hold them close to his own.

you were sure you were never going to get rid of this picture in your memories, you'll have it installed in your deepest depths forever.

when he was done, he carefully slid them off his lips, attempting to say something if it wasn't for a sudden noisy sound echoing through the heavy, of intimacy smelling, room.

you turned around in horror as you watched the door handle of the front door get pulled down, immediately alhaitham grabbed onto your shirt to drag it down your breasts, hiding your bare skin as he searched for a pillow to cover the obvious, painful erection in his pants.

"hey idiot, i'm home." the voice was sadly, very familiar, kaveh was now home.

kaveh? your brother! the one you were actually seeking out in the first place.

in a strive to look for your panties you lowered your gaze, yet being unable to spot them all over the floor when your brother walked into the living room at last.

"why is it so hot in here? oh—" his words instantly died in his throat the moment he had seen you sit next to his roommate, his eyes dramatically twitching, "what are you doing here?"

"what have you done?!" kaveh was quick to point whatever blame he could find on alhaitham, thankfully being oblivious to the fact that he rearranged your guts just a few moments ago.

"he did nothing, i promise!" you awkwardly laughed at the silence while clumsily getting up, innocently pushing your skirt down, "i was here to bring you your books and bumped into al— alhaitham!"

"no need to worry kaveh, i was only trying to make conversation." alhaitham sheepishly explained with an overly pleased smile on his face, yet not getting up, the big pillow resting on top of his pulsing crotch.

"whatever." kaveh rolled his eyes, being slightly irritated by the way you were so out of breath, deducting that alhaitham must've been a pain in the ass, overwhelming his poor, little sibling. "come on, lets get to my room."

as he went on to grab the books on the coffee table, you awkwardly ventured your gaze to alhaitham, just one last time, catching him stare at you before he playfully winked, darting his eyes away.

"lets go." kaveh was angry, cursing himself that he should've come home sooner, lightly pulling your arm so you'd follow him.

the moment alhaitham had heard the door of kaveh's bedroom close, he quickly disposed of the pillow on his lap, exposing your damp panties sticking to his pants.

you don't mind, do you?

you probably have a quite remarkable collection of underwear he has to see one day, until then, he'll give it his all to make good use of your panties ..

.. maybe even now, to fuck his stiff cock into the cloth while you're in your brother's room, without underwear, sore with your pussy still memorizing his slender, calloused fingers rubbing on your flesh.

yes, he might as well do it now.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact smut #alhaitham x reader #al haitham x reader #alhaitham smut #al haitham smut #genshin x you #genshin impact x you #genshin x y/n #alhaitham x y/n #al haitham x you #alhaitham x you #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact x reader smut #genshin impact alhaitham smut

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elicathebunny · 3 months

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How to stay positive despite the situation.

Life is hard, nobody said life was easy. People who claim life as easy have benefited from those who have endured hardships or surpassed their own.

But then questions arise: how does one achieve an "easy" life? How can people live their lives as if they have selected what difficulty level to play, yet mine seems to be automatically set to the hardest one?

Positivity is a learned habit for those who are not used to being in that mindset.

HABITS: The more often you repeat the new action, the stronger and more efficient these neural networks become. This reorganising and strengthening of connections between neurons is called neuroplasticity, and in the case of building habits – long-term potentiation. Each time you perform a new action while trying to form a habit, you need smaller cues or triggers to activate the same network of brain cells.

Being positive isn't easy when your situation is the complete opposite. But I believe that is the only way to survive a negative situation. When you are negative, you become a victim of your circumstance and nothing changes. How you think is how you perceive the world, whether true or not.

POSITIVITY THROUGHOUT.

First, Nix the Negative: Before you put positive thinking into practice, look for any negative thoughts that may be running through your mind. These include: A bad filter. Do you overlook the good things about a situation and get wrapped up in the negatives? For example, you enjoy a fun dinner out with friends, but the restaurant gets your bill wrong at the end of the night. You leave feeling annoyed and frustrated, forgetting about the good time you had. Taking the blame. Do you tend to take on the blame for something bad or disappointing that happens? For example, a friend declines an invitation from you, so you assume it’s because they don’t want to spend time with you. Predicting disaster. This means you have one setback and then expect the worst to happen. For example, your car won’t start in the morning, so you think the rest of your day is destined to be doomed. Black-and-white thinking. Do you see things as either good or bad, with no middle ground? In this mindset, if things aren’t perfect, they’re automatically bad.

Thinking positive is difficult when you are surrounded by everything the opposite. But if your mind is the same, how will you overcome it? It starts by making one change in your mind that can completely change your perspective on your circumstance. Remember that change doesn't have to be significantly big; it could be changing something simple, yet it could make a difference in your life.

CONSUME POSITIVITY.

Everything around you that you can change should be positive. Don't focus on anything you can't control just the things you can. Change the type of music you listen to, are the lyrics what you want to resonate with? Words are affirmations, or in other people's words are spells. What you say or what is said to you enough times will be embedded in you if said with enough emotion attached to it. Change

Change the words you use to talk to yourself or to talk to others. Do you participate in gossip? Do you talk down on yourself? What words do you use negatively when talking about yourself and can you catch yourself saying/thinking them in order to change them? Swap out negative thoughts with positive ones. I know it will sound phony when trying but keep trying until it replaces the old habit of self-negativity.

Cut off people who drain the positivity out of you, and if you can't physically remove them, don't engage in conversation with them unless you actually need to (work or school environments). Sometimes people don't get the memo even after distancing, this is when I'd just start ignoring them tbh (don't be rude about it, this is only when you've made it clear that you don't want to associate with them).

Love yourself from the inside. Don't just focus on the outside but really focus on your inner health. Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating well? Do you socialise enough or are you isolating yourself? Are you spending enough time alone or are you over-socialising? Are you lacking anything in your body that you can replenish through supplements or changing your diet? Are you moving enough? Are you resting enough and getting the needed amount of sleep for your age range? Are you overworking yourself? Are you being too kind to yourself and not pushing yourself enough? Do you know your body? Do you go outside enough? Do you have a self-care routine or time throughout the day or week to dedicate to yourself? Do you take care of your hygiene?

Feeling good inside is how you can attempt to change what's happening outside. You can't attempt to better your situation if you don't feel like you can. If you feel like crap obviously you're not going to achieve what you aspire to do.

Being positive all the time is not going to happen. Your not going to be happy all the time because that's not human. But learning how you can make your self happier and how not to be stuck in a rut is good to know.

#self worth #self improvement #self growth

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imagine-shenanigans · 1 year

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I'm getting back into the swing of things for writing, so here's some random safe for work headcanons because I've been reading an obscene amount of x reader content (Please go check out Aggre(g/v)ation by llama goddess, and Saving Three Ex-cell-ent skeletons by recklessly caffeinated on ao3 because I got brain worms babey.)

Also since its been awhile since I've written something on this blog, remember that these are stream of consciousness teehee <3

(General tws: references (but not explicitly said) to past consumption of humans, ED/Disordered eating and mental health issues, au-typical violence references, etc)

Word Count: 2.2k words ish

Horrortale!Sans (Skull) x Reader Misc SFW Headcanons

My favorite thing is when people portray sans in any light as either Just A Little Guy or as Fuckin Huge and Skull is a Big Boy <333 he's easily 7 feet tall, and Built Fucking Different.

Monsters can't like, completely and utterly alter the type of monster they are, so you won't see a Bunny Monster turn into a Moldsmal but its very widely understood that magic reflects the soul reflects the mind reflects the body - so its not really something where monsters experience dysphoria as much? Like if a monster is afab, but realizes they're trans and a guy, it may take awhile to transition - and they may need some help via magic other than their own - but it's really normal in comparison.

Unfortunately, the positive aspects of the whole "mind/soul/body" equation in that you'll eventually look how you want so long as you put the effort into changing every day can also be blocked by trauma and "scarring" to the soul. It's pretty rare in the canon universe, but for Horrortale monsters its damn near exclusive - when you have to do anything you can to survive, adaptation to your environment makes you a hell of a lot scarier in compenstation.

Skull is one such monster where if it weren't for his injury, he'd be a complete 180 from the typical monsters you see. But because of it, it makes it harder to control his magic because he can't think straight. It takes him longer to form sentences, takes him longer to process words sometimes, or even read. He gets light sensitivity really bad, and because his body change wasn't by his choice, but by an unfortunate way of being injured while in a traumatic situation, Skull, no matter how much better he gets, will never fully go back to what he was before.

He's extremely self-conscious about his size and his looks, not to mention his mental capacity. He knows and can think about what he's doing, his mind has never lost that sharpness or intellect. He can strip a machine down to parts and put it back together or put it to other use in minutes, but if you ask him to write it down or explain it he's going to have one hell of a time and he'll probably leave the experience worse than he went into it.

Similarly, if he does want to talk, in one of his rare moods where he's explaining what he's doing out loud to you, he could go on for hours, but suddenly hit a block where the words don't work right.

Be patient with him when this happens. He doesn't like it, and even though it can be frustrating at times, like if you're trying to decide something for dinner or write up a grocery list, he really is doing his best.

Sign language is a good alternative when the words don't want to come out but he's still able to communicate - writing can be one sided, but sometimes thats all he can do too.

When an idea strikes the both of you one day to just draw what he's thinking, Skull could fucking kiss you senseless when you hand him a white board and a dry erase marker. Words may not be making sense in his brain but he can picture what he wants in those moments so this is the perfect compromise between the two for communication.

Skull is his name now, so even though he was once Sans, Skull is what he picked as the reclamation of all that's happened to him. A name that he picked to get him through it day by day but its also a reminder of where he's been and where he'll go. That said... it's also a name he initially picked as a form of self harm to some degree, a mocking reference to his own injury that hindered him.

So while he'll probably never change his name again... he appreciates it when you call him pet names. It's a reminder that you love him enough to do so, while also giving himself a break from the constant reminder. He particularly loves when you call him your "Big old teddy bear" because... god he does not feel like it sometimes.

Get it its a reference to some of the fandom calling him Bear and I love that name for him a lot too

Due to the past, he has some Big Issues With Food, constantly bouncing back and forth between feast and famine.

He has some issues with meat at times - on bad days certain textures and tastes just remind him of the bad times in his life where survival was such a tightrope walk that just imagining eating it makes him sick.

A very "safe food" house, where the two of you stock up on your safe foods and have a cupboard dedicated to it for days you can't stand anything else.

Some days, Skull is content for the two of you to eat at the kitchen table or to watch TV in the living room while you two eat from separate bowls/plates, and he can eat fairly freely, not particularly caring who eats how much or in what order.

Others... other days he anxiously watches to make sure you've had a serving before he gets his, or, more likely, he brings the full pan/a single platter to the table, and the two of you share the same food, taking bites in turn so he can make sure you're getting enough to eat.

King of cooking. It makes him feel better to have full say of what goes into the meals, and honestly the man is an excellent cook. If you insist on helping him cook, it's a 50/50 on whether he gives you this smug little smile and sets you up on the counter top so he can look at you while he cooks, or if he actually lets you help.

He feels out of control if he can't cook, so even on special occasions he's still going to be cooking himself, unless you feel the Urge To Cook or you two order out.

Even then, please just go over with him what you did step by step and tell him what fully went in it - he trusts you implicitly and he's unlikely to outright ask... but it always helps ease his mind when you walk him through what you did just so he can feel less guilty.

Cuddler.

Big fucking cuddler.

Sitting on the couch alone? Not for long. Skull appears? Bam. you're in his lap, his claws smoothing across your skin and through your hair, purring up a storm as he settles his chin on the top of your head and closes his eyes.

If you're watching TV, he's only ever going to pay half attention if he's got you in his lap, half-snoozing in a very light doze as he basks in your presence, and half listening for danger/to the TV depending on the day.

He ADORES when you read to him. He loves it when you talk, and when he gets to listen to storytime while you talk? Best. Day. Ever.

Loves how small you are in comparison to him - something he never thought he'd be comfortable with at first, just based on the idea alone, but in practice he loves being completely wrapped around you and making sure you're safe. You're his personal teddy bear, no matter how many times you call him that yourself.

Jetpacking/Him being the little spoon is... unlikely. He's got some damn broad shoulders and chest, and he's not super happy with the idea of your limbs inside of him no matter if its on purpose or not.

If you want to hold him, he's definitely okay with that (although he does prefer to hold you) as long as you're touching him. You'll just have to let him set his head in your lap, or rest against your chest as he snuggles you chest to... well not chest, so more chest-to-skull and chest-to-legs with how he holds you. He's very beefy and has presence but he's about half the weight most people expect, despite the fact that it should be obvious because he's a skeleton.

He lets out the most broken whimper-whine-purr when you gently kiss the cracks on his skull, close to the gaping wound there. Don't actually touch inside or press too close to the wound itself, because that's genuinely very uncomfortable in the way it would be if he were human and had a missing eye and you touched the inside of the socket to see what it felt like. Just overall a bad experience so Don't Do That No Matter What The Intrusive Thoughts Say, although he'd let you do it in a heartbeat if you asked him

Absolutely whipped. Skull will do anything and everything you say if you just look at him just like that - just like he's your everything, like you love him without bounds and without exception. Puppy eyes also work.

He's a goddamn simp is what he is,

You'll just be minding your own business and you'll look over and catch him staring at you like you've hung the moon and the stars just to provide him with a small amount of your light during the nighttime. He looks at you with such adoration that it hurts.

Sometimes it looks a little freaky like, before you've come to automatically understand his expressions but goddamnit its so hard not to fall in love with him even just by a little more when he loves you so fucking much.

Kissies? Kissies for Skull? Please?

man FIENDS for kissies.

Once he's more comfortable giving affection unprompted you can barely keep his fucking hands off of you. He goes from "I Can And Will Nuzzle You And Pull You Into My Lap But That's It" to "No Kissies? No Snuggles? No Love For Skull? Oh! Jail! Jail For Datemate! Jail For Datemate For One Thousand Years!"

He straight up just hangs off of your clothing while staring at you until you give him a kiss or a hug. He'll come up to you and just bury his face into your neck while purring, or nuzzle your hair, but then moments later pout at you while wrapping his arms around your middle and burying his face into your stomach until you give up whatever youre doing and pay attention to him.

He doesn't do it often But By God Does He Get His Way When He Does.

He's also the type to just like, spend the entire day giving you small pecks on the lips and cheeks and forehead, and then snuggle you at night, and then the next day he'll be way less clingy. You take it in stride and then he just out of the blue dips you in the fucking moonlight and kisses you senseless.

The bastard.

Circling back to pet names, he thinks the nickname Teddybear/Bear is cute and he likes it, but call him My Love/Love/Dear Heart/something else dripping with affection and he's cupping your face in his hands and staring at you adoringly while he rubs your cheek with his claw.

Surprise him with new ones and he'll turn positively blue in the face while smiling like a fool

Surprise him with silly ones and he'll be even more in love while laughing. call him your little chicken nugget and he cant stop smiling and chuckling for a few hours. God. He'll dream of kissing you under the moonlight if you make a pun out of it.

(Brief aside here so I can avoid the text character limit "per block" but I prefer doing bullet point lists for these so anyway continue on)

Pet names always depend on the person, so whatever his one for you depends on you as a person (thats the easy way out for me) but he prefers just one pet name. (Aside from like. Babe being thrown in sometimes yknow)

He'll start with one pet name and see how you react to it - he prefers cute ones like Kitten, Bunny, Lovebird, etc. Something small and cute and adorable - though he changes it up depending on what you respond best to, because while the majority of the reason he calls you a pet name is out of affection, he still calls you pet names to see you get flustered.

On days he's feeling better, he gets more sassy he's gonna include more puns. Or teasing. Example - if he calls you lovebird, or some sort of bird-based nickname? Fuckin. He's calling you pigeon to see how you react.

Bunny? Hare-brain

Kitten? Fuzzball

If its an animal/bird/etc that he calls you in terms of nicknames, he might even refer to you as the scientific name of the animal, or a breed in that category because he thinks its funny to watch you fully stop in your tracks and process what he's just said.

Picks you up at any given opportunity.

Puddle? Oh dear, he should make sure your shoes don't get wet. Better princess carry you.

About to miss an appointment? Thrown over a shoulder.

Just feels like it? Get Scooped Idiot. Okay i have Way More Thoughts but I'm already at 2k because I have no impulse control so byeeeee come request more xreader stuff from me

#sans undertale #undertale #sans horrortale #horrortale #undertale au #sans x reader #horrortale sans x reader #strawberry writing #strawberry headcanons #i also Have Big Big Plans i cant share with a series of fics #but i'm still writing those and i know myself #if i actively talk about them i may not write them #so once the first one is done i'll update it #but yeah anyway sans renaissance time thank you for feeding me fandom this is what i give back

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decolonize-the-left · 2 years

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[...]The language we use to talk about racism is obviously distorted, a big clue that something is being hidden. It's pretty easy to pinpoint the source: most White people can't handle talking about racism. We flail. We don't understand the subject, we get really uncomfortable, and we either clam up because we don't want to say the wrong thing, or we bust out the whitesplaining (FYI, this is a best-case scenario. It can be much worse).

To mitigate our shortcomings, we surround ourselves with comforting words. Words that feel neutral. Words that don't point fingers (at us). Words that center Whiteness, while erasing the harshness of discrimination and segregation. We reject words that we feel are too direct, that might reveal complicity on our part.

[...]Dr. Robin DiAngelo, a White critical racial and social justice educator who created the term "White Fragility," breaks it down like this:

"White people in North America live in a social environment that protects and insulates them from race-based stress. This insulated environment of racial protection builds white expectations for racial comfort while at the same time lowering the ability to tolerate racial stress, leading to what I refer to as White Fragility."

White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium."

We've had all the basic ideas we've needed to understand racism for a long time. The only reason to pay attention to the packaging is to observe that it's pointing to the real problem: the idea that we as White people are entitled to be lazy. We expect to be served knowledge about race and racism in palatable doses. We expect to rest in our fragility.

The solution: Put in work. We are not newborn babies or fancy teacups. We have the ability to actively seek knowledge and understanding.

As Vernā Meyers says, "not enough White people have done their work":

"After all the resources spent and goodwill extended, many white people, in exasperation, ask me why we haven't gotten further in racial understanding or increasing the diversity in our workplaces and lives. Sometimes, they don't like my response. I tell them what I have come to believe. Not enough white people have done their work: the work of seeing the barriers to true meritocracy, the work of putting themselves in the shoes of black people to learn more about their experiences and perceptions, the work of understanding how being white has shaped their worldview and self-perceptions, and the work of gaining the skills of deciphering and managing cross-racial and cultural dynamics. That's a lot of work, but without it you cannot create fundamental change in your sphere of influence."

source

The full article is worth the read.

#reblog #signal boost #important #anti-racism #decolonize

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luvmyoui · 10 months

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five - good?

previous masterlist next

gp!myoui mina x fem!reader

warnings: cursing, mentions of sex

word count: 1,443

a/n: SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IN A WHILE I WS WORKING ON PT2 FOR HER FAV AND IVE JS BEEN REALLY BUSY😞😞

“mina, you actually can’t keep doing this. not only are you sleeping around, but you're bringing these girls to our dorm. just imagine what could happen if it got out that you were sleeping around and that you had a dick.” nayeon said the moment mina stepped foot out of her room.

“okay, okay, this was the last time.” mina waved her off as she went to open the fridge

“you say that everytime, I'm serious about this. It has to stop.” nayeon said with a groan.

“no more, got it.” mina said while taking out the leftovers that remained in the fridge. It was too early for her to say anything in disagreement.

“i'm gonna hold you to this.” nayeon said with a pointed glare.

mina hummed in response but the next thing that left nayeon's mouth made her freeze up. “I hope you were responsible enough to have taken precautions, having a child would ruin us.”

“w- what, o-of course i um i obviously wouldn't have any.” mina stuttered out.

she didn't want it out anywhere that she had a kid, her whole career would be over if the news got out. nayeon sent her a questioning gaze wondering why she suddenly froze up. mina usually never froze up like this. mina didn't say anything to explain her sudden change of demeanor and simply walked back to her room. she could eat in there for today.

she set the food down on her desk and sat down on her gaming chair. no matter how much mina had changed, her obsession with video games was something that never would. she opened minecraft and scrolled all the way down to her first few worlds. her cursor hovered over the one named ‘dream house w y/n’.

reminiscing the time when she made it and showed you it with a smile spread across her face brought sadness to her. she missed you but she hated you. in her eyes she treated you amazing and still did. it wasn't like she had disappeared, she sent you money monthly and sometimes she would even send gifts. she thought that she was fulfilling her role as a parent pretty well.

mina often thought of messaging you, asking for updates on isla. the hesitance would hit while her thumb was hovering over the send button. her ego not allowing her to talk to you after the way you had ended things.

sixth harmony, the group that was formed after the time you spent on x factor. you had sadly lost on the show but it seemed like that was for the better. after being eliminated, simon cowell had signed you under his company saying that he saw the potential in all of you. simon taking the risk with you and the girls had only ended up paying off, your fame skyrocketing.

your debut single miss movin’ on being a huge hit, your group name being known nationally. with time the fame of sixth harmony only grew and grew. though you had finally achieved your dream of becoming a famous singer it seemed as if the hole in your heart never filled. you thought that maybe doing this would make you feel better about all that had happened. (spoiler alert: it didn't!)

being a singer wasn't easy either, the paparazzi were insane. you couldn't leave your house with isla in fear that you being a mother would be leaked. It was much harder to spend time with your daughter with your busy schedule. you ended up having to tell your company that you had a daughter, so you could bring her to the studio.

seeing simon as someone you were close to you revealed the information to him and to say he was upset was an understatement. you being a teen mom changed everything, this could not get out. due to the fact that sixth harmony was very famous, you being one of the fan favorites, he could not do anything, they needed you.

you honestly considered yourself lucky to have been gifted with such an amazing daughter. even when introduced to the new environment isla barely fussed. In fact she quickly started to look forward to going with you to places, being able to see her favorite aunt dinah. although having been with camila for more time she for some reason changed her favorite to dinah. you were ecstatic that your daughter both adored and was adored by your bandmates.

it had now been 3 years since you debuted and two years since mina had left you. the thought left a bitter taste on your tongue, two years since she left you with a broken heart.

you stepped out of your apartment (which mina was still filling the rent for) to go down and check for mail. you were stopped at your door by a box though, you picked it up and brought it back into your room. you took the box to a kitchen and used a knife to cut through the tape, you checked the address and noticed it was from korea. you immediately knew who it was from.

Inside resided a thick white envelope on top of a sweatshirt. your eyes widened as you picked up the envelope, feeling how thick it was, filled with without a doubt hundred dollar bills. you didn't know why she continued to do this, you knew that she knew you were a singer. still, mina never failed to send a monthly allowance and gifts.

after taking out the envelope you took out a sweatshirt, and once you unfolded it your jaw dropped. in a recent interview you had mentioned that your favorite expensive brand was prada. in your hands right now was a prada sweatshirt, one that you knew cost over a thousand dollars.

you made sure to use that sweatshirt to its full extent.

you were currently holding a small party at your home for isla, as it was her birthday. a ring at your door had caused you to momentarily put her in lauren’s lap as you went to answer it. standing there was a delivery man who was asking for your signature. you went to sign it, confused on what it could've been, you didnt remember ordering anything.

the man asked if you wanted him to put the package inside as it was heavy and you kindly accepted. after he left, you got a knife to open the package, it was huge. It was almost the same height as isla. when you opened the package your eyes widened and you called isla over.

“hey baby, you got a gift.” you softly said squatted down as she smushed her face into yours.

at the mention of a present, she immediately pulled away and tried to peep into the box.

“weally?! whos it fwom?” isla questioned, not being able to pronounce her r’s correctly.

“It's from your other mom.” at the mention of her isla’s face dropped.

“why cant mommy come and see me? why doesn't she wanna see me?” isla said her bottom lip wobbling.

“baby, it’s not that she doesnt wanna see you, she's just really busy working. she has to work hard to provide for us, she misses you so much!” you said trying your best to make sure isla didn’t cry on her birthday.

“c’mon, don't you wanna drive around this super cool car?” dinah intervened, sensing that isla would cry.

the girls had come over along with isla, and had seen the whole interaction. isla’s mood immediately went up at the mention of riding in the car. she ran over to dinah and reached her hands up, gesturing that she wanted to be picked up. dinah reached down and picked isla up, isla now finally getting a look at the present in full. it was a pink toy rzr 900.

although everyone's mood had been lifted heavily, camila’s stayed down. a frown etched onto her face. she understood that mina was still isla’s parent but you referring to her in a positive way didn't sit right with her. camila was there with you through everything mina had put you through, and camila hated mina.

“mina what the fuck?!” nayeon shouted as she burst into mina’s room.

startled by the noise, mina flinched hard and accidentally hit a piglin in minecraft.

“what the fuck?!” mina shouted in response, now being attacked by all of the piglins in her vicinity.

“check your fucking phone.” nayeon said in a scarily calm voice.

mina obliged and the second she picked the device up her eyes widened.

“fuck.”

taglist: @moon-ellie @lisas-earlobe @cocojy @second-daughter-of-clexa @runassimp @eliii1sblog send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist!

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astrologanize · 7 months

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2023 october sun horoscope pt. 2

sun in libra: y'all better not be having issues with people still because i'm seeing so much of last month being carried over. this is a month that can either be stimulating for your inner child or you're going to be acting off the walls childish - but let's be positive and assume the former which means this is a month of getting out of your comfort zone and giving your all to something. throughout october you will be tapping into childlike wonder, you're not going to be trying to force things in your favor, you're going to embrace the present, you may not always feel as grounded or as ~balanced~ as you'd like but some fun is good for the soul, this is another month where you're getting what you deserve - whatever that means so what you put out into the universe will come back to you for better or worse. sometimes all ya gotta do is take a leap of faith and let whatever happens...happen. invest in life!!! live your life!!! focus on really living!!! otherwise, this could be a month of acting like an ungrateful, bratty child.

sun in scorpio: what are y'all doing?! last month you guys chilled out for a moment but of course y'all can't live without some friction for long smh. stop the self-sabotage! this is a month where you really let go and leave things up in the air, you may feel like there's something(s) you don't want to deal with so you say idgaf because you don't feel up to making any decisions this month. throughout october you may have conflict/tension with something or someone, you're going to be running into obstacles, there will be something related to job or lack of job so if you have a job then you may have changes within your job/job environment or leave/get a new job. you may also have car/travel issues and you may have a looot of distractions this month, honestly at times it is going to feel like you're getting nowhere no matter what you do. try to learn how to accept 'defeat' because things are not going to go the way you would hope and you need to let down your guard and soften yourself big time. otherwise, this could be a month of negligence.

sun in sagittarius: ah, what a feeling to come into your own once again - especially as a fire sign! this is a month where you take lead of your life, you feel completely capable, you feel like you've paid your dues, and after recognizing your issues with others last month you are able to be more receptive and understand better boundaries. throughout october you will be putting in the effort you need to, you will be holding yourself accountable, you may be placed in positions to help or guide others in how they should do something orrrr something you helped (someone) with pays off. don't be too finicky this month and try to watch coming across as demanding, you have a very go-go mentality this month that's reminding me of a fitness trainer and you need to chill lol. do what you need but take things day by day! otherwise, this could be a month where you believe your way is above everyone else's (shocking).

sun in capricorn: ok ok last month didn't have the greatest moments but this month you're curbing the need to discern everything or be a know-it-all, last month something(s) was ending in your life and this month you are still experiencing the closing of a chapter, overall you are in a more 'feeling' headspace where you are trying your best to adjust rather than doubling down. throughout october you will be upgrading yourself, you are going to be focused, you are going to be dependable, you are in the mentality of wanting to truly care about yourself and your life and tending to that. you can expect this month to be a change of pace and a lot happening at once, life will be overflowing but flowing nonetheless, and you should allow yourself to soften (into that), lead with your heart, be kind whenever you can, listen to some good music, daydream, you can still have moments of softness during this hectic time. otherwise, this could be a month where you experience total burnout.

sun in aquarius: everything was all about others last month but this is a month where you mature, you gain experience, you feel assured in your thoughts, you may invest in something for yourself but there is either a 'loss' of or non-focus on materialism. throughout october you will be easygoing, you aren't focused on plans or sticking to plans, you are going to be considering all the options and alternatives, you will be feeling like the world is your oyster and you can choose whatever. try to step into your power this month, have a healthy level of self-control, be mindful of what you say, don't overpour into anything, this is a time to really channel the cool, detached, quiet confidence stereotype of an aquarius so that you don't go overboard. otherwise, this could be a month where your head is way up in the clouds and you are not thinking before speaking/doing anything.

sun in pisces: what a calm time this will be for you. this is a month where you're more pulled back, you are prioritizing balance and peace, you aren't in a place of figuring things out or moving anything along. throughout october you're going to be feeling more hopeful, you will be doing more on your own, you may have some weird moments with others but nothing that's going to bother you or lead to anything, you may be garnering attention or feeling as though you are being put in the spotlight. there may also be some sexuality and intimacy stuff that is notable or that you're working through this month. this is a time of giving up and giving in which means reworking what you've been doing by surrendering/abandoning something and then trying to be more thorough with your life - like fine! i shall no longer persist with this! it's gotten nowhere! i'll try to put my best foot forward this time. otherwise, this could be a month where you're having a false sense of confidence because you're choosing to persist with something beneath you.

#2023 #october 2023 #horoscope #long post

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angelosearch · 2 months

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I am struggling today, and writing helps.

When I think about the difference between having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), I think of the internal frame of a skyscraper that is being built higher and higher as you age. That skyscraper represents your experiences and who you are, and the internal frame is your sense of self and understanding of the world.

When an acute traumatic event occurs, it blasts a hole in the internal beams. If the trauma is coped with immediately, the hole can be repaired, and little changes about the overall structure.

If the trauma is not treated or recognized for any reason, the crew continues to build the frame upward and constructs the building around it, even though the blast will leave that section brittle and prone to collapse. That’s how I understand PTSD.

C-PTSD is not about a single blast, it’s about a sustained traumatic environment like when living in a war zone or growing up as an abused child.

C-PTSD is an unqualified or purposefully negligent, cruel construction team building a frame that defies protocol or engineering guidelines. They may build on rainy days when the conditions are inappropriate and weaken the materials, or they may use the wrong tools. The frame doesn’t look or function as it should, but it keeps standing, and the building is built around it. All the floors above that section have to contend with the soddy construction below and may make unusual or dangerous architectural choices to keep the building standing.

Both PTSD and C-PTSD result in a damaged internal structure that may not be visible, even if you’re inside the completed building. All you may notice is that the walls and soffits are at different angles than other buildings, but the building shakes and groans and the façade is cracking in places – it knows something is wrong, even if it can’t name it.

There is no real comparison between the damaged skyscrapers because they both have diminished structural soundness in different ways. Treatment must begin with tearing down walls and looking at the skeleton either way.

In PTSD, if logs are available (and sometimes they are not – the mind can suppress traumatic memories), they show the day the hole was blown, so at least we know roughly what floor to start on.

In CPTSD, the blueprints, the logs, they all say the same thing, it has always been this way. You don’t know anything about architecture, you’ve never seen anything else built, how would you know anything was wrong? And even when you do, the ripple of corrections has completely distorted your understanding of the records.

I am trying to repair my CPTSD.

In CPSTD, where do you start the repairs? You go to one floor and realize the damage goes somewhere even lower, somewhere even deeper. Rooms and floors the elevator never had access to are appearing. The ways the beams had to curve and strain in some areas to accept this and understand that are knit into such complex reliance that a fix may actually destroy something. In some areas, it’s all bubble gum and paper clips. Replacing it with something sturdier may send a beam through a wall. Sure, it’s stronger now, but it may not look as good.

And the engineers in charge of this project? They are terrified. Because sure we all want a stable, healthy building to live in, but it’s been standing, why are we messing with it? How long is this going to take? What if we have to dismantle an “error” that had curb appeal, or a handy shortcut that barely worked but saved us some time now and again? Will people come back if that “feature” is gone? If this all has been so wrong for so long, what does that mean? Is this even a building at all? Do we need a new construction crew? Is this area even zoned for a skyscraper in the first place?

And while we replace the insides of the structure below, we must find a way to build upward and trust ourselves to do it right this time.

The more healed I am, the more I know about myself, the more I fear the person I’ve been and question my own understanding of the world. My therapist challenges me to consider alternatives to my thought processes. “What if you’re not wrong? What if you are safe? What if you’re allowed to make mistakes?” Yes, what if? This is such an unknown, modern design for my internal frame.

And the engineers have been wrong before.

#persnal #personal essay #writing #metaphor extended past it's expiration date #cptsd problems #cptsd recovery #living with cptsd #art therapy #journaling

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en-hale · 2 years

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Give Him a Sign ♡‧₊˚

Bottom!Jay x Male!reader ♡‧₊˚⋆｡˚ ⋆

En-Hale Comeback ~~ Manifesto Day 15

SYNOPSIS ≕ Jay has a hard time communicating how he feels and what he wants, especially to you, his younger and much more experienced boyfriend. So with his cheeky friends' plan, he sets out to do the most embarrassing thing known to man just so you'll know he wants to be fucked.

WARNING ≕ 18+/smut (oral sex - Jay receiving, blowjob, fingering, rimming, protected sex, lube used, cowboy, Doggystyle, spanking). Cursing. Read at your own discretion !

WORD COUNT ≕ 10.0k (Yeah I went a lil crazy..)

AUTHOR'S NOTE ≕ This has been sitting in my draft for exactly a year now lol. Which is the reason it's so freaking long. I revised, edited, and added in a lot of shit. Please enjoy! Tune in tomorrow for day 16 at 10pm CST!

──•°.-ˏˋ ♡ ˊˎ-.°•──

Jay dwelled, even when he didn't want to, on the fact that he was still a virgin. It seemed as though having an attractive and flirty boyfriend did him no good, none at all. They've been dating for six months now, a long six months, and it was beginning to get tiresome. You just had to be the world's most considerate boyfriend. It didn't matter that you were younger than Jay, another thing he seemed to dwell on, you cared for him in a way he's never gotten before. Yes, he was thankful, but he worried that if you kept this up, there was no chance of either of you getting anywhere.

And sure, part of this was Jay's fault. Anytime you touched him in the slightest way that read intimate, he stopped you or grabbed your hands. He blamed it on a shivering sensation that played at the base of his stomach and up to his spine. And you were patient, obeying his request with no uncertainty. Your hands were off in seconds and instead, you settled on cuddles and backrubs, showing as much care and patience as possible.

Part of you understood and the other part of you was sometimes puzzled by his actions. But even Jay was somewhat stirred in his emotions, having but the toughest time possible navigating his feelings. He knew he had always been like this, ever since he was young. He had a problem with feeling anxious, so anxious to a point where he had to stop it all at once. He didn't want to be this way, but a life full of harsh adults that forced him to be the IT child -- grand conversations with other adults and rubbing elbows with the other rich kids -- didn't leave him much room to make decisions on his own. So when it did come time to do things for himself, like being intimate, he stopped, as if waiting for someone else to tell him what to do.

The only way he learned to get rid of his anxiety was by masking it with other forced traits from his parents, like charm and snobbiness. He let the latter go a long time ago, but it still crept up in daily routines and plans. Instead of being just an ordinary college student; having fun and letting loose, Jay was living as a cooped-up housewife, doing chores and working. And it takes time for Jay, for him to learn to adapt to an environment that he's not used to, just like it would take time for him to open up to a whole new environment, full of lust and pleasure and excitement.

You've admitted multiple times to him that you were willing to go further, and you watched as his face shared little to no change in emotion. Jay had no problem giving you whatever you needed; whether it was with his mouth or hands, but when it came to himself, it was like a bomb of humility went off in his head. Jay was too fearful to come to terms with the fact that he did really want you to see him -- and more so really wanted sex -- especially with you. He doesn't care that others were out sleeping with their umpteenth partner, and he had no problem being a virgin, but it was something about you that overwhelmed him, something about you that fueled every dirty desire he's ever had. He wanted to feel you, get used to your body and revel in its beauty. And as much as he was unnerving at admitting to sex, he was even more unwilling to admit to himself that he was nervous as hell. To let someone in, to see him so vulnerable and open. There were plenty of nights where it kept him up.

Days that you both spent together, laughing and talking, were the days that he wanted to explain it to you the most, but he knew his voice would be washed away by his nerves. He was too skittish to initiate the first move, and he knew that you were too fragile with him to continue on when he said wait or stop. And plenty of times has Jay done awkward suggestive gestures to persuade you into making a move but then deters them by not following as planned. A part of him wanted you to ignore his words and push through, but he knew it was next to zero for you to ever pressure him into continuing on with something he was not ready for.

Jay never goes to anyone with his problems, especially not his bratty childish friend, but when Jake asked what was wrong, it seemed to all come pouring out of Jay like a fountain. He explained it as his "friend's problem" but Jake wasn't that naive, catching on within seconds.

"So your problem is that your boyfriend's too nice and you're not open enough to tell him that you wanna fuck?"

Jay swats at the other's arm, looking around to make sure those close to them didn't hear. "I said it's my friend's problem, not mine."

"Oh, okay, and I'm an idol with millions of fans." He popped a fry in his mouth and laughed to himself at his fascinating friend. "Look, if you wanna fuck, just tell him that. Don't think into this too deeply or you'll go insane. Or better yet, why not just wait until you're ready and then get it on?"

"Would I have told you all of this if it was just as easy as telling him? And there's no way I can wait. I can't handle going through one more awkward encounter with him or I might actually explode."

"Oh, so the both of you have gotten hanky-panky before?" Jake wiggled his eyebrows and Jay tried hard not to blush. Things went smooth when Jay was the one doing the work. He's done plenty of oral on you, but it was never the other way around. Jay didn't even like to be naked around you; hell, even shirtless. His shyness was cute in the beginning, but now it was a burden, to both you and him.

Jay half-heartedly answers the younger's question, "But it's never gone further than that."

"Okay then, so then next time you're sucking his dick, you'll be in the moment, and it'll be easy to ask for more."

"Jake!" he whisper-yelled. "Do you have to speak so loudly? " He looked around again, paranoid that someone was listening in, "I'm telling you, dude, it's not that easy!"

Jake looked up from his tray to furrow his brows at the older one. "I don't get you."

"Don't get what?"

"This entire situation of yours! I thought relationships were about being open and honest and all that other bullshit, so why not just talk to him? Didn't you say he was like the best boyfriend ever, and he was caring and shit? So why do you think it would be a hellfire if you were to sit him down and explain you want to get freaky?" Again, Jay's hand went flying to the younger's arm with his bold choice of words in such a public area.

"Be quieter! And I can't talk to him about this because if I could I would've already done so. I need to save myself the embarrassment of having to discuss with someone younger than me my problems of being sexual."

"I'm younger than you!"

You roll your eyes, "You and him are not the same,"

This made Jake roll his eyes before continuing, "And anyway, him being younger than you is the least of your worries," he remarked. He might've been right, and if anything, Jay knew you never acted your age, but it still was a conversation he'd rather not have. His cheeks were already growing red at the thought of sitting you down and discussing his bodily urges.

They both don't say anything. Jake gives an annoyed stare as he chewed on his sandwich. Jay sharpened his jaw and gave the same look back.

"talk to him."

"No."

"Okay, then just make the first move."

"Were you even listening? I can't, I'll chicken out."

Jake slams his sandwich down in aggravation of Jay's no-changing demeanor. He rests his elbows on the table, contemplating in his head before speaking, "okay, then how about putting yourself in a predicament where no talking is involved."

Jay's the one to furrow his eyebrows now. "What?"

"How about doing something that will automatically let him know that your intentions are to shag? Plan something way left-field from what Jay would do so that it's clear what's going on and he'll see that and know exactly what to do."

And Jay does ponder on this for a while, watching his friend's knowing smirk slowly creep on his face.

"Sound great and all, but how exactly and I suppose to do that?"

Jake pauses, "I don't know, I haven't thought that far yet,"

He huffs in frustration. A plan that would initiate the actions for him, perfect. But Jay wasn't very big on plans and actually following them, the same way he wasn't strong on showing emotions and letting it happen. He knew he was a work in progress, and he was thankful that you were patient enough to notice, but now his patience was running out, and so was yours, even if you'd never show it.

He sits and ponders as his friend scarfs down the rest of his food. He goes to ask another question but feels the presence of others coming closer. He could tell it was Heeseung and Sunghoon from the way they talked and laughed with no inside voices.

Heesung pauses before sitting, "Why do I feel like I just walk into a war zone?"

"Yeah, what's with you guys? Why so serious Jay?" Sunghoon ruffles the older's hair which is his way of greeting.

"How come love is so complicated?" Jake acted solemnly, moving the focus from Jay to him.

"Ah, which girl broke you're heart this time? And why would you bother poor Jay with your problems?" Jake threw a fry at Heeseung's head for his teasing words. Jay tried his best to keep his cheeks from exposing his situation, especially to the two dudes that picked on him the most for being the only virgin in the group. Jake liked to poke often, but Jay was still convinced he was lying about his virginity status.

"Maybe because Jay is the only one in a committed relationship," Sunoo seemed to appear out of thin air as he spoke, sitting near Jake and peering down at his hyung's disappointing appetite.

The others don't bother to remark on the youngest's comment, partially because he was right and partially because it was never-ending when you started an argument with Sunoo.

Jay gave Jake a knowing look and gestured for him to continue on his lie.

"So, what if I met this girl that I like but she's overly shy? She gives great head and all, but after that, when we try to go further, she's so shy that it turns me off."

Jay would slap Jake again if it didn't cause curiosity among the group. Instead, he lowered his head, paying close attention and fiddling his bland salad around with a fork.

"Easy, find a new girl." Heeseung is bold with his statement, but Sunoo shuts him down immediately.

"No, don't do that. Why don't you talk to her, ask her what makes her so shy."

Jay can feel that Jake wants to turn around and shout "I told you so" in his face, but he holds his composure, "Okay, but I'm not good at talking, I'm too scared like some child. What do I do then?"

"If you're too scared to talk then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place." Sunghoon didn't even look up from his phone, but his comment struck a bullet through the older.

"I won't lie, talking can be scary sometimes, like when trying to break up or tell her to move on. If she's too shy to talk then wait until she shows you a sign."

"A sign?" Jay thought it was the right time to chime in without being exposed.

"Yeah, like a sign that she wants you. Remember that girl with the dyed hair? She was a killer kisser, I mean made my mouth water, but anytime I touched her, she panicked. You wouldn't imagine the look on my face the next day when I went out to the gym and came back to her in my shirt, cooking me breakfast."

"You're too easy," Sunoo spoke towards Heesueng.

Heesueng flipped him the bird, "it wasn't just the shirt asshole, it was the fact that the shirt was the only thing she was wearing. Besides some cute little thongs underneath, she wore nothing else, was completely naked. She could've been shy all she pleased, but if she didn't want it, then why act so naughty?" Heseeung clapped for himself, smirking widely.

"And that, my boys, is your sign."

********

Sign. It was the only thing Jay could think of for the rest of his lunch and until he got home. He wasn't sure if he wanted to exactly do the same as some cute petite girl when he was very opposite of that, so he pondered when he got back to his shared apartment what do to. He showered first then took away the time he wanted to procrastinate to actually think. He knew you'd be home soon, so he had to act fast. If he wanted to go his own route, he'd down a whole bottle of wine and hope for the best, but being drunk made his situation ten times harder when he knew you wouldn't act on his advances. If anything, you would send him to sleep and have a nice cup of water waiting on his nightstand when he wakes up.

Scratch that.

He pondered on if he could make it to the store quicker than you could get back home. Maybe he could shape a heart on the bed with roses leading from the front door, spelling out his exact needs in clear font. But Jay is a neat freak and he envisioned the rose ending up anywhere and everywhere he didn't want them.

Scratch that.

And now he was tired of thinking. There was no way he'd look like some sexy goddess in his boyfriend's shirt, but it was his last resource, and he was sure it would throw you off your game to see him in a shirt that's yours since you both rarely ever shared clothes.

He walked into your room and looked through your drawers and closet. He couldn't find a shirt that suited him or was even big enough to cover his butt, so he settled on a hoodie you bought online that was two sizes too big. It sat in your closet for the longest time, and it was thankfully big enough to cover the parts of Jay that were supposed to look mischievous. The sleeves were a little too long, and it was too hot in his small apartment to be wearing such a large layer of clothing even without pants, so really, he was starting to think this was a mistake.

He pushed through the mess in his own closet to find the bag of lube and condoms he had bought a day earlier. Surprisingly, he wasn't embarrassed, probably cause he was in a rush to meet up with you, so there was no time to be embarrassed. He pushed it all inside his nightstand drawer and walked to the kitchen for his next step.

If any part of this plan was going to work, it would be the only part that he was good at; cooking. He decided on your favorite meal which didn't take long to make. He gathered the ingredients and washed, cut, and mixed them. Next was to boil the noodles and scramble the eggs.

The next few minutes of cooking were silent, too silent because now he worried that this entire thing was a huge mistake. How could you ever take him seriously like this? What if you walked in and laughed at him? The last thing he could tolerate is being humiliated by his own boyfriend. He stood over the pot of noodles and watched them boil. He liked the feeling of the steam coming up and warming his face. For a split second, he could see his reflection in the water, and he thought at that moment that he could simply just crawl into a hole and never come back up again.

There went his anxiousness again, that feeling that he hated the most. You hadn't even got home yet, and there went that aching feeling in his chest, the one that caused him to shiver. He was tired of his own nerves getting in the way, he wanted this to be done, and soon.

But he knew this was ridiculous; absolutely pathetic. But by the time he tried to go back to his room and change, he heard the clanking of the door.

He froze in place. Anther clank came and in you walked.

He met your soft eyes and you smiled. You didn't realize anything out of the ordinary until you could see more than just his face.

You looked down at your boyfriend who was only a few inches shorter. His hair was like usual because he was always too stubborn to fix it any other way, the cross earrings you got him for his birthday dangled beneath his ears, and his jaw that was never not sharp was illuminated by the kitchen lights.

The usual.

But it was when your eyes traveled down that things started becoming different. For one, you noticed he wasn't wearing pants. You've never seen his skin much higher than above his knees. It was a milky color, different than the tan that started on his calves. His skin was smooth and glistening, he didn't like being hairy, so he always shaved, which only added to the beautiful shine of his muscular legs.

And then your eyes traveled up to his body which was covered in the hoodie you bought online that was way too big for you. You meant to throw it out but instead stuffed it in the back of your closet. Now your boyfriend was wearing it, and it seemed like it was the only thing he was wearing. The hem of the hoodie swayed loosely on the higher parts of his thighs. The sleeves were way too long, dangling at the end of his fingertips which you saw go red, including the rest of him, leading up to his face.

His eyes went wide and so did his mouth. You watched his hands tug on the ends of the hoodie in an act to get it to go further down.

"Jay?" You unloosen the key from the hole and walked in, shutting the door behind you, hopeful that no one was passing by.

"What is all this?" You could smell the aroma of your favorite food. If what was happening right now wasn't so bewildering, you might've just drooled at the mouth.

Jay didn't know how to feel about the way you looked at him. For one, he felt powerful in a way, showing off something he's never exposed, but in another instance, he felt shy, shyer than when you've even tried to make a move on him. He wanted to laugh out of nerves, but even that wouldn't come out. All he could do was stand in the opening of the kitchen and let his astounding mistake be reveled in by the one man he wanted to impress.

You stayed paralyzed by the door, not really sure where to move next.

"Oh, the food!" Jay rushed to the pan of scrambled eggs and sighed when he flipped them over to reveal their dark and crusted backs.

"Shit," he cursed. He turned the stove off and threw the no-good eggs in the trash. He felt the tickling coldness of the air travel along his upper thighs and go across his exposed bottom, the one that was facing you while he leaned over the trash.

And you tried not to look as he bent down, worried that he'd worry, but it ignited something in you, seeing his small but round cheeks covered by short blue briefs.

He quickly snapped back into place, his crimson face growing darker.

Jay couldn't handle that you were still rooted in your spot, your expressions changed ever so often from what he thought was confusion to maybe lust, but he couldn't tell. His mind wanted to tell him to run into his bedroom and never come out again until he was old and grey, but it was like he couldn't get himself to move.

One simple chunk of his mind thought about jumping on his boyfriend and letting the rest play out, except, he knew he couldn't, he'd never gain enough courage to do so. He wished you'd take the hint, and just push him against the counter and take whatever you wanted, but again, he knew it didn't work like that.

You could see that Jay was scared, excited but scared. You couldn't depict what his reasoning for all of this was, but you felt the need to get closer, in a manner to calm his breathing and the anxiousness that started to play on his face.

"Babe," You did one more once over before connecting your eyes back to his. Now you were close enough to reach for his hands and he took them on instinct. "What's going on? What are you doing?"

Jay didn't respond. Instead, he hid his face on your chest. There were plenty of things he wanted to say, starting from "please leave' to "fuck me" but he found it hard to say anything that would sound reasonable after his failed attempt at getting laid.

You removed your hands from his to hold them around his little waist. "Ah, hyung don't be shy." You whine.

"Shut up," he muffled from your chest.

He was more than shy at this point, he was down bad. He was so glad you had walked to him when you did, if not, he'd be knee-deep in his own tears. And while he felt dramatic at the thought of himself crying, he couldn't stop them from brewing to the surface. But he stopped them in time when you sat down at the dining table and asked him to sit on your lap.

You try not to react too much at the feeling of his skin touching yours, and instead get down to the bottom of what all of this was.

"Did you do all of this for me?" You gestured with your eyes at Jay's attire.

He folded his hands in his lap, a pout playing on his lips. Jay wasn't good at expressing his emotions. The only time he cried to you was when he failed a class and it overwhelmed him with distraught. Here and there he was mad or sad about something, but never did he let you in on it. But this time you were going to force your way in, whether he liked it or not.

"Jay," you shake his arm when he doesn't reply.

He hums a yes. There was no way you could contain your smile.

"Well this is very sweet of you but can I ask why?"

Jay glares up at you, his usual mechanism when he was embarrassed. "Can't I do nice things for my boyfriend?"

You squeeze your arms around the tiny one, "Of course you can, I'm just making sure I didn't miss an anniversary or something." You take a deep breath before continuing, "your intentions with this feel a little not you."

Jay tries to get up and you squeeze him even tighter. "Wait, Hyung. I love you and I love you like this, but I just want to make sure I'm not mixing my signals here. Cause it seems -- like you want something? Maybe something that I want too?"

Jay turns his head away. This was what he was trying to avoid, confrontation. He didn't want to have to spell it out to the younger that he was ready, that he needed him more than he was verbally able to explain. it was embarrassing, too embarrassing to say out loud. "I don't like talking, can't you just see that I missed you and wanted to do something special?"

You chuckle. "I just saw you this morning babe. I mean, not that I don't miss you and all, but, I've never seen you like this -- I never imagined this would be the first time I'd see you so exposed."

Jay clasps a hand over your mouth. "Don't say that!"

"It's the truth!" You manage to muffle.

He doesn't comment back, but his face scolds and pouts all in one.

It was time. Jay thought to himself. Be bold, say one thing and maybe the rest can speak for itself.

"I'm not even fully exposed yet," it comes out quieter than he wanted it to, but the look on your face is enough to let him know that you didn't miss a word.

You can't find the right words to say. Your boyfriend just explained he wants to be naked, he wants you to see him. A tingle in your stomach travels through your body and down to the core of your heat.

Jay felt the situation shifted to where he finally wanted it to be. The look in your eyes was intimidating, but exactly what Jay needed to feel confident about all the choices he's made in just a few hours.

"Come here," your voice drops low, and in seconds, you're able to manually swing one of Jay's legs over your lap so that he was now facing forward, straddling you.

Jay had straddled you plenty of times, some of those times he would rut against you. Sooner or later you both were releasing in your pants. This day, hopefully, it would be different.

Jay looked down at your soft pink lips. There was nothing more that he wanted to do than kiss you, especially when he watches you lick them slowly, teasingly. And he might've been a scardey-cat, but he wasn't scared of those, your beautiful lips.

And in moments, you lean your head up and drag Jay's down to connect lips.

Jay could feel you smirking and wanted to lean away in an attempt to tease, but your hand on the back of his neck doesn't let him.

This kiss was the same as the others exchanged between the two of you, and it still had the same effect on Jay: his heart beats fast, his palms get a little sweaty, he sometimes has to hold back moans from how pleasurable just your lips could feel; but it never made him anxious, no matter how heated it could get.

He wrapped his arms around your neck in a bid to be closer. Jay feels your hands travel along the parts of him that they always did, but he goes stiff when he feels them play at the end of his back. He didn't realize due to his straddling that the hoodie had hiked up to brush just against his buttocks, but he had no time to dwell on it. He licks along your lips requesting access and you have no problem allowing him in. He pushed his tongue in as deep as possible, trying to distract himself from the fact that he was so exposed. You couldn't hold back the moan that escaped feeling his hot tongue and all the slickness it brought to your own. Your hands travel just enough underneath the hoodie to feel the older's bare skin. You listen to the sound he emits, something of a deep sigh and an angry huff.

"I want you, Jay," You wished it came out like a calm statement, but you could hear the shakiness in your voice and the slight pitch in tone. You don't give him time to respond back before you fit a hand under Jay to boost him as you stood.

He gasps in your mouth but automatically wraps his legs around your waist and clamps on tight.

Still kissing, you manage to get the door of your room open and as gently as ever, lay your boyfriend along the bed.

Breathe, Jay kept telling himself. He forced the thoughts of you seeing him naked and the plenty of other sexual ones out of his mind.

Breathe in, breathe out.

You step closer, and Jay can feel his breathing fall out of routine. You smile that stupidly sexy smile before leaning over and fragilely stroke a finger on his leg.

"Is this okay?"

Jay knew his nervousness was probably more than evident on his face but there was no way he'd let it get in the way for the umpteenth time. "Yes," it's small and brittle, but it was still an answer.

You climb beside him on the bed. You're still aware that -- whatever this was -- you had to be patient. So you graze your fingertips over his forehead and brush the hairs that had fallen in front of his eyes. You share a moment with him, looking longingly into his eyes, capturing the way they sparkled under the light. The best moment was watching his eyes calm and relax. There was no way you could stop yourself from kissing him next. It's gentle and dry, the perfect blend for cooling not only his racing heart but yours too. You both kissed like this for a while, and it was comfortable and homey. Jay plays around and sucks down on your lips, and you both giggle. You use your tongue to lick his, and a soft moan escapes from his throat.

Jay wondered why such a random memory ran through his brain, but he was puzzled about it for just a second. He remembered when you joked about wanting him to top you, and he remembered laughing out of nerves. He hadn't given much of that a thought, but if you really wanted him on top, then he knew he would. However, part of him wanted it to be the other way around. Not that you couldn't hold him while he was on top, but he knew he wanted to feel your arms grasp around and hold on tight. It was his only time talking about something like that, but he let it known that he had no problem being 'bottom'. He, again, opened up to Jake about it, and he was almost ashamed that his childish friend had to be the one to preach to him how sex positions didn't make him any less of a man.

His mind snaps back to reality as you slip a hand under his neck and press harder on his lips. There was a certain look in your eyes as you leaned in, accompanied by your plumped mouth that made Jay's mind scared-stiff, but he forced it in and kissed you back just as deeply.

But his brain and his body worked at different paces. His hand reached for your leg so that it was now lying comfortably between his own. His other hand gripped tightly to your tricep that kept you propped up.

Jay can't help but make small noises into the kiss, sounding somewhere between desperate and cheerful. You wondered if you should ask again if he was okay, but your body wouldn't let you. You melted in his sounds. You tried hard not to touch him more than he seemed comfortable with, but there was no stopping your hand from reaching under his hoodie and slowly hiking it up. It tingled as it memorize the feeling of his hot skin for the first time. You wanted so badly to open your eyes and soak yourself in his milky torso, but you were comfortable enough just to touch it.

And Jay enjoyed your hand. It was coarse, yet soft, and he never wanted it to go away. He couldn't believe how sensational just your hand felt, and he cursed himself for waiting so long for your touch.

You lift his hoodie as high as it would go without taking it off, and immediately attach yourself to his naked top. You kiss the hollow structure of his stomach and he moans just the slightest. That was enough for you to suck and lick until it was rosy and wet.

"Baby," Jay was too stubborn to call you nicknames, but you knew the only time he did was when he was feeling feverish. It was the prettiest word that ever escaped his lips. It was followed by another one of his delightful sounds and you wished you could collect it in a jar and keep it forever.

You kiss individually between the dips of his ribcage and over his sides. You count another win in your head when he squirms under you and pulls but the slightest on your hair.

Jay's head was scrambled with lust. Your mouth was so slick that it was impossible to keep the noises from escaping. His anxiousness had threatened to break its cover, but it bursts through its seams when he felt your wetness move over his nipple.

You hover over his pink bud cautiously and watch his reaction. He bites down on his lip harshly, and as you go into lick, he protests.

"Wait, wait," it's breathless coming out, but you do exactly as he asks and waits.

Jay knew at this point that he wasn't worried about you seeing his body, cause you've come this far and he felt okay. He wondered why his brain took over and paused his pleasure, it was like it wanted him to live on the edge forever. He wants to take it back, but you already raised your head in attentiveness.

He wasn't following through and from the looks of it, you weren't going to go further unless he wants it. You ask him if this is where he'd like to stop and he's quiet.

Jay is mad at himself, mad that he was so close to breaking the stupid barrier he had put up, and lost hope of ever being able to move on further than this. Maybe it was okay that he was at least willing enough to get so far as to let you see his body, not fully naked, but it was better than it was before.

You watched his eyes lose hope and regain it on a repeated cycle, all in the span of a few seconds. Jay wasn't the one to get emotional but you couldn't look past the moisture collecting in his eyes.

"Jay, stop and look at me." Your voice was bold and confident and Jay obeyed. "If you don't want to do this then tell me, you know I would never get mad at you. But please don't force yourself to be okay with this if you aren't."

Jay wanted to scream "fuck" if he could. he wanted to yell back in objection, but if he talks now, he knew he'd cry, and if he hadn't already screwed this entire thing up, then his tears would.

You would stop in a heartbeat if that was what Jay wanted, but you heard the sounds he made, the way his skin warmed with your touch, the beating of his heartbeat playing like background music. You wished he was better at explaining his feelings, but you couldn't stop your own. You were hot all over, and your body ached for something more than this, and you simply couldn't deal with another dreary day without him.

You glide your hand over his cheek and soothe it with your thumb. "Let's do this instead. If you want to actually stop at any given moment, just say 'karaoke' and we can stop and go do some singing in the living room. But if you're unable to vocalize then," You grab Jay's finger and place it on your nose. "then just boop my nose, got it?"

Jay can't believe you could make him laugh in a moment like this, but he was more than thankful that there was a way of communicating, if need be, that didn't need words. In seconds, he felt an overwhelming sensation spike through his nerves, and it struck right down to his pelvis, igniting his half-awakened member. He squeaks out a measling 'got it' and you grin down at him.

You're next few kisses on his skin are soft and warming. You travel along the spots that Jay made the best sounds to and make sure that this time it wasn't just red but bruised. And as if on cue, his sounds come out an octave louder.

His hands return to their positions on your arms and you take the time to start back up on his pink bud. You watch his reaction -- again he bites on his lips, but he arches his back off the bed and it's enough of a sign to continue further. You switch between the both of them, twirling your tongue and sucking with all your might until Jay cries out, "Fuck!" and the urge to suck further down his skin takes over.

You retrace his bruises with your lips and travel them along his cloth-covered thighs. You watched the bulge in his underwear grow larger and larger the more you kissed, and you could feel your own boner increasing due to the older one's.

His eyes were screwed shut -- as if he'd look down at the chaos you were ensuing and burst into pieces. His cheeks were hot -- he worried for a second if he had an actual fever, but the thought went loose from his mind when your hand finds its way down to his cock.

He clutches hard on the bedsheets.

"Is this too much pressure?" You ask when you take it in hand.

"I thought you've done this before, expert." You wanted to scold him for being so teasing in a situation like this, but it meant he was comfortable, and that outweighed the negative.

"My expertise range from a vast variety," you lob back.

He tried rebuking back but the slow movement of your hand trails him off his sentence and into a moan.

"There you go," You raise up and sit between his legs, continuing up and down Jay's hard shaft.

"Feel good for me."

If Jay could yell "shut up" he would, but words were fuzzy, and moaning was the only thing that managed to buzz from his throat. But he did try his best at a worthless groan in protest, and the younger one only laughs. Any precedence that Jay once had over you was gone the minute he allowed you to speak informally to him. He did better at just dealing with it than trying to reprimand you for it.

"Mmm, don't be difficult now, hyung. " You couldn't keep your eyes off the spot you created on his stomach and reach down to kiss it lightly. "You have no idea how bad I want to taste you right now."

You kiss more harshly on his skin and prep your hands to his hips where the band on his cute little brief's started.

He could feel your hot breath hitting his skin in rhythmic patterns, it was enough to distract him from the thought of you seeing him so exposed. So was the hand that you place on his waist to massage carefully and your mouth that was now attempting a hickey on his soft thighs. Gradually, Jay's cock comes uncovered by your hasty hand.

You take in the pool that forms at the head. It requires nothing more for you to swallow him down. Your first contact with his cock brings out a low whine, there was no holding back that perfect feeling of him in your mouth.

The sound from his own only makes you want to go down further, to hear the variety of his noises and collect them like fireflies. "Good boy," you tease.

Jay grabs at the pillow beneath him, probably to toss because of your nagging words, but you suck at his tip and he folds, hand's clutching to the pillow instead of throwing.

This wasn't your first rodeo at sucking dick, but it was the first with someone you genuinely cared about, so you perfected your moves with the utmost care, being extra cautious with your teeth and making sure to keep your mouth as moist as possible. But like everything else about Jay, it's perfect, and you had to make sure his first experience with this was just as perfect.

The further your mouth descended, the more antsy Jay's hips became. He was red to the face when he realized how close he was. the feeling of your mouth was like nothing he was expecting. He had to grip harder on your arms for support, otherwise, he'd be embarrassed to announce he was coming soon.

You spread his legs further, ripping down his boxer that were settled on his thighs and throw them to the floor. You wanted to tease about your expertise, but when you go down to take him in all the way, a gag stops you dead in the middle. So what you couldn't swallow, you just stroked with your hand.

He couldn't hold on anymore. The faster you move, the harder you tug, the deeper you went it drives him more and more insane.

And you can feel the whole spiel happening in your mouth. You weren't ready for it to end, worried that Jay would want to end things there, and if he let you keep going, then there was no chance you'd end it earlier than need be. So you stop, squeezing on the base of his cock as if asking for it to hold on.

Jay felt dizzy and overheated. It took him a minute to notice your hand dug into your own pants, frantically moving, your breathing matching in rhythmic tones.

"Turn around," You say. Jay's heart spikes in his chest. He knew from the roughness of your voice that there was no time for jokes. You were serious.

So he does as asked, turning around, lucking to be facing away from the younger's face so you wouldn't see how red he was getting. He so badly wanted to pull down on the hoodie he realized he still had on, and he felt it tumbling down his back, but you were quick to catch it, rolling it back to its original position.

"Your so perfect, baby," The words lift from your lips before you can even think of them. with his round ass facing towards you, you took in the expanse of skin and the way it sculpted his figure. The most addicting was watching his spine curve inward when he arches slightly.

Your hand sputtered on your cock. "I have to taste you," You hear him gasp at your words, but pay it no mind, telling him to lay comfortably on his stomach.

You observe his hesitance and want to comfort him, but your patience was running thin. "Unless you use our safe word or boop my nose this is okay right?"

Jay was still trying to grasp the fact of what you were about to do. He lost the mobility to even process anything else since then. So he nods aimlessly. "Okay, then let me eat you out," you push him the rest of the way down and maneuver for his legs to spread further apart, situating yourself between them. You could've come right there at the way his balls were visible from beneath him.

"A pillow might be more comfortable Hyung," Your eyes never leave his skin, even when he reaches for the pillow he tried to hit across your face, stuffing it under him.

Jay doesn't mean to grind against the soft fabric, but his aching cock that was seconds away from exploding begged for action. It didn't help any when he felt your hands stroke against his bottom, gripping and pulling.

A sharp smack cuts through the room and Jay lets out a garbled moan. He didn't like that the pain and stinging from your hand caused him so much pleasure, he thought by the end of this, he'd be more than just a non-virgin, he'd be a masochist. He could feel himself twitching underneath.

"Sorry, I had to," You rub a calming hand over the red mark shaped as your hand as if to cool it down.

"Again."

It's bearly above a whisper, but your taken aback by his request.

But you do it, again and again until his cheeks are redder than the ones on his face.

Impatience finally took its course and you spread his cheeks wide without asking.

His intuition made him clench down around the sudden exposure of his hole. He shivers at the way the cool air flushes against it, a new feeling that he wasn't at all familiar with.

You're quick to act. You take your thumb and rub gently against it, careful not to irritate the dry hole. You couldn't even believe that that same hole would be stretched large enough to fit all of you. You had to take a deep breath to calm your racing heart.

"I can't take my eyes off you,"

Jay whines, the rest of his body flushing to match his ass, "oh my god, don't say that right now,"

"But it's the truth, you know I can't." You swallowed to take away the extra spit that was brimming at your mouth. God, he was so perfect, more than perfect. You hadn't felt anything like this before, so thirsty, so ready.

"I have to fucking taste you," was the last thing you said before sliding on your own stomach and going to town on his opening.

There is nothing Jay could've done to prepare for the feeling of a tongue, much less your tongue, running along his asshole, and consequently, neither was the mewl that he lets out at the impact. His hips jolt aggressively, his body was in a predicament, not knowing if it wanted more or less of whatever was happening.

"I guess your extra sensitive here," you gush. You feel your cock straining at his noises.

Knowing his hips had a mind of their own, you slip your arms under his legs and wrap your hands around his cheeks, pushing them down so that there was no way he could buck around. You crouch your head down and are back tasting his skin, the way you've wanted to ever since you've met the older one.

You swirl your tongue around it, sharpening it to a point and running it up and down, left to right, anything that would get those precious sounds out of your boyfriend. Your spit has it glistening in seconds, and you love the way it reflects the light beaming through the window, groaning at how vulgar it looked. You imagined it was your seed after this hopeful outcome, and you watched as Jay tried desperately to rut against the pillow.

"Please, please," His words were breathy, heavy with pants. Jay knew the sheets of your bed were wet. He could feel himself dripping every second your tongue slid pasted him. He needed to come so bad, and he didn't want to without you, but he'd die if his release wasn't soon.

Your mischievous chuckle makes him shiver, he gasps when he feels your pool of spit land right in the center of his hole. You watch it travel down slowly and revel in its beauty. Jay can't take it anymore and pushes back into your face, forcing his needed friction.

"Yes, push back into me," You lap up the fallen spit and run it in and out of him. His whines grow louder and louder until you're sure he's reaching his end.

"Don't come yet," He feels the coldness replace your body and turns to watch as you remove your sweatshirt. You were both sweaty and the fact that you had stayed in your clothes for the whole of this heated encounter must have been hard. But he watches as you lose piece by piece, frantically pulling them off like they were on fire.

He felt stuck in his spot, because if he could, he'd leap up and help you with each article of clothing, But all he could do was gaze. He gawked at your torso and your slick skin. He watches you pull off your pants, and ogles at the thick stature of your legs. He's seen your cock before, but he wasn't prepared for it to sling out of your underwear so abrupt and so fast. he didn't care before because it only even went in his mouth, now he panicked thinking of the vast amount of you entering in, stretching him out, hitting hopefully every spot where it counts.

"Should I take mine off?" He's surprised he asked, but the air was getting too thick with silence.

You smirk, walking back over to your flushed boyfriend. "Keep it on, it's a reminder of everything you've done for me," his ears were burning. he couldn't help by be embarrassed as you took in the full sight of him.

"Jay," you climbed back on the bed and bend over to kiss his cheek, 'I'm so in love with you,"

That anxiousness rose again, and Jay marveled at the fact that he hadn't felt it until now, and he'd smack you for being so sentimental if he wasn't in such a dazed state.

"Me too," and he doesn't hesitate either. He couldn't look you in the eyes, but the hand that landed on his back could tell it was genuine by the way his heart pounded.

You lift his chin to meet his lips and it's only soft for a second, before returning to its intensity. Jay made those small little sounds, and it drove you to push your hand down on his lower back, grinding his hips into the pillow. And he moans louder.

"Keep grinding," And he obeys as you open the bottom drawer of your nightstand and unravel the pack of condoms and the squeeze bottle of lube.

"I knew this would come in handy one day," you comment.

He's unable to speak about his own pricey goods sitting in his nightstand and kept it for another conversation.

He watches you coat your fingers in lube, but he pays closer attention to the way your eyes furrow. It was the same furrow you did when you worried. He didn't even realize that you could be nervous too.

"Baby," he calls to your attention, "You're not going to hurt me."

With his comment, you poor on more lube. "I just want to make sure. I want this to be so good for you.

"And it will," you lay the lube on the side of the bed and scoot closer.

You kiss his back gently, "Tell me immediately if something doesn't feel good." and he nods in response.

Your finger slips in with no hesitation, but you still take Jay's mouth into a kiss to distract him, and so you could experience the way he moaned into your mouth.

Jay couldn't help the roll of his back when it starts to feel good. Your finger is slippery and part of its intrusion was uncomfortable, but when you curved it slightly to the right, he can't hold back his yelps. "There, there." And your repeat it over and over again, making sure to hit exactly where he wanted.

You watch him lose the part of him that was still holding back. He wails, pushing himself along your finger to gain more motion.

He winces a bit when you fit another finger. You give him time, making sure to be cautious of his facial expressions. He was tight, so tight that it felt like your fingers were merging together. You couldn't imagine how it would feel when you finally got in there. You held on to the crumb of patience you could endure, and watch him start back his riding when it feels good. Soon, a third finger slips in with ease, and Jay is practically fucking your hand.

"Now," Jay pants out and your mind works slower than usual.

"Now?" Out of fear, you grab more lube and squirt it against his hole, and rubbed it in, working your fingers to hit that spot again.

Jay whines in desperation, "Now, fuck me now." He couldn't believe his words. Any shyness he had flew out the second you hit his prostate. It was like no pleasure he's ever felt before. he needed more, Now.

"You loosen your fingers from his hole and lie back. "I want you on top,"

Jay's confused for a second, and you have to manually position him over your lap and hover above your dick. He gives a knowing look. He watches as you hurriedly slip on the condom and add on what had to be half the bottle of lube.

"I think it will hurt less if you're on top, so you can move how you want to make it feel good."

Jay gives you a half-smile and your heart pounds through your ears. "You let me know-"

"if it hurts, got it." And he waist no time positioning himself perfectly in row with your cock. You prop your legs up to reach underneath him and slide it in. He digs into your chest tightly, wailing out sporadically. You think you could come there just feeling an inch of his heat, but you hold your composure gripping onto his small waist.

"Fuck," He scrunches up his face and you try your best to soothe his skin around it.

It hurt entering, but Jay felt your fingers dancing to his sides, and it motivated him to go deeper.

"Take your time, don't go too fast." but he does slip down further. You both moan in unison.

Then his back arches up and he slips down easily, fastly. Your hands can't stop touching his skin. You put them anywhere they can be, but they fall perfectly with the slopes of his hips.

"Fuck you feel good." and then he slips the rest of the way down, and you have to grip onto him as if to hold your release that was waiting to burst.

Jay doesn't think about it. He doesn't think about the pain or the fact that he can feel you stretching him out, he just wanted all of you and more. He braces himself on you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. He squeezes down and rocks gently. His tempo is unsteady, and so are your hips that meet halfway. It takes a while before you both match patterns, and when you do, that's when his pleasure sets in, times 10. You grip at his ass and help him grind down, slapping it every now and then, listening to his whimpers.

His breathing is off track, you feel the sweat from his forehead drip onto your shoulder, and it only turns you on more.

He whines your name, "I'm tired." He pants.

In one quick grab, you flip him over so that he's the one on the bottom and you hover over him with a smirk. "Turn around," and he wastes no time, again, obeying orders.

You move behind him, putting on more lube than necessary.

He gasps when he feels you grip his hips and drag them upward, his body now in the position of what he knew would be a different type of pleasure.

"Relax," he hadn't realized he went stiff at the feel of you against his hole, but he takes one deep breath and arch as much as possible, laying his head sideways on the bed, clenching onto a pillow like it was his enemy.

it was uncomfortable to the older one at first, especially when you started moving in, but when all of you was wrapped around his heat, his back did that incredible arch up and squeezed down.

"How does this feel?" you start moving in and out steadily, starting slow and picking up the pace. Jay could only nod. He was tired of making sounds, his throat was dry and croaking, but when your hips started slapping against his, it didn't matter how he felt, his voice was inevitable.

His body was on fire, and so was yours, he had a rapid second where he understood why people fucked, and fucked on multiple occasions. It was more pleasure than pain, the sting tolerable enough that at one point, he forget it exists.

You plow into him with as much force as you possibly can. You watch the way his ass comes in contact with your pelvis and bounces back. You watch this until you can't take anymore and need his lips.

A hand grips his stomach and pulls him up vertically. He gasps at the sudden change in position, but squirms in your hold. You take your other hand and twist his chin to the side so that your lips come together, sloppy and desperate.

The heat from his mouth and his bottom caused you to moan just as loud as he was. You kissed him to the best of your ability, but it was hard to focus on thrusting into him and kissing him.

This position was different like what Jay had thought, and it was rougher. He could really feel you now, all of you, and it was slightly more painful, yet, you hit that spot that drove him crazy. He tried opening his eyes, so badly wanting to watch your face, but his eyes filled with warm tears, so it was all just a blur.

Then your thrusts became jagged, with an aggressive jolt in and out. Jay grabbed at his own cock, becoming more desperate than ever to come.

"I'm gonna cum," you yell out, scared that both of your noises and the sound of slapping skin would overlaps your announcement.

Jay detaches his lips from yours and relaxes his head against your shoulder. You watch him jerk himself off, and it's enough for you to not be able to hold on any longer. You catch his member in your hand and jerk him fast. His fingers dig into the side of your thighs as you watched as much of him as you could squirt on himself before your own vision goes white. You could've sworn you were coming for ages. and Jay could've sworn too, the way he felt a continuous leak pouring out of him. He loses his balance and falls over onto the bed, your dick sliding out of him nicely. You're not to far behind him, plopping down on the side of him and taking in your first breath of air since you could remember.

Both of you take a few minutes to calm your pacing hearts. After, you both wash up in the bathroom and snuggle into his bed, the one that didn't need cleaning. But it hits him that part of his plan was not all the way fulfilled.

He jolts up immediately. "Oh my god, the food!" He runs to the kitchen and is thankful that most of the stove was turned off, but now the food he wasted money on was really no good use.

"Oh, I forgot you cooked for me," You chuckle, walking out of the room and position yourself behind him.

He turns to hit your shoulder for your lack of care.

The next few minutes are of both of you cleaning up the mess he made.

"Well," You coo, pulling up the dishwasher and pressing start. "The food part of your plan wasn't the most successful, but I still really enjoyed this little treat." You googley-eye down to Jay's body which was once wearing your oversized hoodie.

He throws a towel and it hits your side. "Yeah, whatever, punk." Jay pretended to have this cool-guy image, but when he turned around he couldn't help but blush.

No, things didn't turn out exactly the way Jay had planned it in his head, but instead, things were all the more better. Even looking back on the long day he's spent planning and executing and succeeding, he'd go through all the stress of trying to get you to take his virginity once more if it meant he could be in that perfect situation with you again,

Again. Jay thought.

Yeah, he definitely wanted to do that again.

248 notes · View notes

aibidil · 10 months

Text

Lots of talk about boundaries lately, and how boundaries can only be about your own behavior/responses, not someone else's. I first learned about this when parenting littles, where it's often referred to as "limits." I think the reason the concept of boundaries is so hard for people to grasp is that, pretty quickly, you realize this means you have to let go of a LOT of control that society has taught you to expect will flow to you through power hierarchies.

So often, people judged my parenting, and I had to explain that I wouldn't set a rule, or even a boundary, that I couldn't follow through on. Which meant that I had to let go of a lot, because I happened to have kids who have never in their lives followed a rule because it exists or to make their parents happy.

With kids, this means letting go of unreasonable (age-inappropriate) expectations for their behavior and telling them "no" 500 times a day, instead child-proofing your home to protect your own shit. It means saying "I won't let you hurt me" (and then not letting them, either by holding them away from you or removing yourself from the room) instead of "no hitting/no biting." It means focusing on problem-solving where every person's needs/wants are taken into account, it means creating a home environment where everyone knows you're a team and on each other's sides. It means a deep acknowledgement of how little control you have over another person's actions, even when that person is your child.

This is hard with parenting, especially early on, but I've found that it's way harder with an adult partner. We have such high expectations of our partners. We believe they're capable of change and being better. We want to be in a relationship with shared values and priorities and we hate seeing evidence that isn't true. But at the end of the day, it really is the same. I fundamentally cannot make you do something you don't want to do, so I should never expect I can. I can decide what kind of behavior I want in my life and leave (temporarily or permanently—that's an option you don't have in parenting) if you clash with that. I can say with words and actions "I won't let you hurt me," but I can't stop another's tendency to violence. I can make sure that my needs are taken into account with the same weight as yours, I can help create a home where chores are problem-solved in an equitable way, taking everyone's situation fully into account. I can model what I believe is good behavior, but I can't force those around me to reciprocate it.

Sometimes we fall into a trap of thinking about what we "deserve" in our relationships of all kinds, but I find that any time the notion of desert comes up, I've already lost. Because I do deserve to be treated with respect and support and acceptance. But that desert doesn't magically change the people around me. All it can do is act as a mental example for me, a reminder not to accept a shitty life for myself out of default behavior.

(For an extreme example, hink also about the incel/mgtow/mra types who talk incessantly about what they “deserve” in a relationship.)

This is why so much of leftist politics quickly requires a radical letting go of all power structures. Because once you decide that punishing/hurting people into behavior isn't acceptable, you have to confront what it means to allow others—everyone—to do things you'd rather they didn't. And at the end of the day, no matter if you believe in the power structures or not, you can't force another person to eat. I couldn't force my son at 2yo into the carseat. I can't force my mom to really learn about ADHD. I can't force my partner not to spend $ on shit I don't care about. But I can make choices about my own behavior, which includes who I surround myself with and how. I can insist that I won’t let you bite me. (Assuming I’m paying attention in time. I should’ve tattooed the bite marks onto my arm as a reminder of this.) I can help create an environment where people care about each other and want to what they can for each other.

(Fwiw, i don’t think this means libertarianism is the way. Because notice that even though my only control is over my own actions, it’s still tied up with others. I can problem-solve solutions that work for everyone, which is more likely to work if everyone in my family knows we’re on the same side. I can figure out better ways of organizing shit with my partner. We can develop systems that fit the problems we have. All of that works better than a “go it alone” hyper-independence. Funny enough, acknowledging that every human is their own person doesn’t necessarily make me raise myself up to a position of importance over everyone else. When you dismantle the power structures, when you see that each person is fundamentally autonomous, you can hope that what it triggers a feeling of smallness in the face of all, rather than a feeling of unhinged importance. Because in the world, like in families, it’s not about getting what you want at the expense of others, it’s about problem-solving in a way that takes everyone’s needs seriously.)

#boundaries #parenting

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cinnachaos · 4 months

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i think when people say love is what makes us human they only think about the oxytocin chemical reaction, but to me love is all that is good. ramble below

so many people with cluster b disorders and aromantic people get excluded from the terminology of love and i think its really weird because everyone experiences love in different ways, whether you feel it in the typical emotional way or not. love is so vast and loose in definition so how about i describe my feelings on love?

love is that kind action you did for somebody in need. love is that bowl of food and minutes petting a stray cat outside. love is spending time out in nature. love is creative passion. love is the way your interests make you feel. love is the way you feel with your loved ones, platonic romantic familial or other. love is what compels you to understand others and be kinder to those you dont understand. love is the nice things people do for you. love is all that is good, for people animals plants and the earth. it can be a mild feeling, it can be nauseatingly strong—it can be nothing at all, even—but you doing something good for yourself, others, or the environment is love. maybe your form of love is just making sure your actions driven by symptoms dont hurt others like people have hurt you. love doesnt even have to be something you do for "good intent", while that should be something people strive for its not required. doing good and spreading love is always good no matter your intent. everyone is complex, not everyone feels the same, not everyone can be held to the same moral standard, and thats ok. you will be/are loved by something, and it doesnt have to be the typical type of love either. it doesnt have to be sentient, human, or alive. we all are a part of one bigger picture, and we all have the ability to be good/spread love in us

being a good/bad person isnt inherent, its mostly just loose terminology based on whether people spread good/love or hurt/bad in this world. hopefully people strive to leave more of a good mark on this world, and i hope that more negative and harmful people realize that theyre hurting people and stop. maybe. not everyone can be bettered as its hard to reach some people, but i still keep room in my heart for those out there who do want to change. (and im not saying you have to enjoy negative harmful people. i dont enjoy those people either, and i despise people who mindlessly hurt/oppress others, but i know theyre human. society was made to help every single individual live as good of a life as they can, and deeming a whole portion of it rotten is fairly closeminded. im still not gonna talk positively about them, but thats just my personal choice. i have a very strong drive for justice and hatred for injustice so i try my best to be open minded but sometimes i have to draw a boundary for my own wellbeing.)

now im not saying everyone has to identify with the term, its been used to dehumanize people yes, but i hope my view makes someone feel a little better about themselves <3

#cinna content moment #just rambling but i felt this kinda needed to go out into the world

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darlingpwease · 11 months

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Well they're just for you and I'm happy not getting any. Glad to see your opinion on me though 😒 /t /j Weasel or rabbit, I'll keep him either way. Give him the best things and treat him only the best <33

Well I hope you enjoy it when I finish then!! :DDD Oh?? Do you know if you plan on finishing it?? Obviously you don't have to if you don't want to. Do you have any work that ur currently reading that you enjoy??

Dove, you never cease to be absolutely wonderful omgomg,, ik I say this a lot but your mind is just so good <33

.....I'm going to be completely honest, I don't understand what that means,,, but based off of your reaction, I'm positive my thoughts on what it might be are more than likely very wrong.... Works that don't involve 'a big-eyed, small chested shorty... whom everyone constantly drugging and tries to rape... leaves the country and returns with a brilliant child.' I can tell you that. Well it's a good thing I'm not a white lotus then, hm hm~/t ...I beg to differ.

I can't say anything on this blog without being bullied. >:'(( /t /hj /nsrs /hsrs YES YESZ!!

Darling, I'm so so happy we are on the same page. /gen /pos /affectionate I could literally go on and on about that too <//333 Corrupting and keeping both sound good. I wanna make em smile and wipe their tears,, maybe bully them a little but I'll shower them with many many kisses <33 I'd spoil Hua Cheng rotten,, tbh....

I am never being nice to you ever again. /j /nsrs ur the mean one here

-panna cotta

These are all super short for this one, I'm sorry :'CC

You are still as sweet with him as usual after, making sure to clean him and the environment up well, making sure he's comfortable and happy, making sure that he's okay-

But when you linger over the deep and dark marks you've given him, stroking them, even if they sting by even the slightest touch and ache afterwards, Xie Lian can't help but fall in love all over again when he sees the possessive proud look in your eyes.

When you two cuddle together, Xie Lian nuzzling into your chest once again, your arms wrapped around him as he clings to you with just as much need, it feels like everything is perfect.

For you, you finally not only have the upper-hand on yourself, but you can finally do something unique for your lover. A new imprint for him to remember, a new experience, and you can explore that with him.

For Xie Lian, you finally seem somewhat better. After how you've been changing the past dew lifetimes, he was worried. Scared. Petrified. He didn't know what to do. Was it his fault? Did he do something? You must let him know so he can make it up to you– But with how you are now, a gentle and content look on your face as you happily indulge him, no longer seeming upset and angry over anything you? he? did, Xie Lian was just... so happy.

Sometimes, like right now, it feels like nothing has changed. The way Xie Lian acts is just as you think you remember. It's so familiar -as if you've seen it thousands of times- and you still smile joyfully when he calls out your name. Finally being your usual warm self, indulging Xie Lian with whatever you could, spoiling him. It's really like nothing has ever changed.

But whether it's truly a blessing or curse only depends on whom you ask.

Omgomg, yes yes,, exactly!!! I could kiss that stunningly astonishing mind of yours, Dove <333 It's so adorable what they do,, they seem so excited and happy to be able to express their adoration that they do it whenever they can. The way their faces light up when you accept their affection is just so adorable. You didn't expect them to get so happy,, but you can't help but want to indulge them <33 Me?? I thought you wanted to do it??? I don't mind doing it tho???? It's amazing????? Nobody's stopping you either darling?????? /gen /pos /slight t

kith kith so amazing <33 uwaaa Hua Cheng loves that you are spending so much time with him. Before, when he was younger, although you would go and see him as much as you could, it still wasn't as constant as it is now. He can't but feel so happy that he is with you constantly now. He can finally stand by your side, and no one even bothers to stop him. And although you're looking for your.. lover... he still can't help but savor his selfish glee. You're with him right now. Not Xie Lian. Him. He currently has you all to himself, and he is soaking up every moment. Of course, he will still fulfill his promise to you, but he can't help but want to sink in this feeling.

(write an answer here that it's not your fault that pamna cotta is actually a cunning fox and it's better to trust the fire that it won't burn than the cunning pamna cotta.) jagshhsgshshs /t /j look, I know he's a rabbit on some art, but I can only perceive him as a weasel. rabbits don't behave like that. yuuta is a rabbit and he is much more innocent & pure than xie lian😔😔😔

I hope you finish too!!! /t /hj /affectionate just say that the idea didn't hook you, don't go around with this "you don't have to do it if you don't want to"🫤🫤🫤 /t /j I'm looking for something to sit down and read right now😔 I have enough works that I requested in the middle, because I just couldn't read on, and it looks more like a cemetery of broken hopes than the "abandoned" tab /hj

jagshsghs,,, sweet talker<33333 I didn't want to write any longer, but the idea was that xie lian and hua cheng are both heaven's favorite and paranormally lucky, respectively, so they would work well to make you stay here with them, even if it means constantly interfering with your task until one day you understand for small things, that they also undergo reincarnation and rollback in time like you, even are just "characters" who were too in love with you at the same time<3 it becomes even more problematic when other characters seem to also begin to awaken self-awareness by remembering things of the past and the future, although their timeline did not allow this, while both of your most devoted followers are very busy following you,,,,,,

babyboo, it just means an obedient person who goes (obeys) just like a calf with a rope tied around its neck. you're too perceptive & have too bad an opinion of me<///3 🤨🤨🤨 then do it, huh~ no, hon, if you don't remember, then it's nullify, and given your airhead, you broke that promise as soon as you made it, just in a future timeline :///

dark water arc is the moment that makes hearts break, you just don't understand</////333 It's almost as painful as seeing my innocent, sweet panna cotta become a blackened white lotus😔😔😔 /t /j want to take them to a psychologist and kiss them. both. both are good.

I mean- cute cheeks!!! lovely eyes!!! pretty face!!! wears bandages!!! has low self-esteem and potential depression with definitely some injuries!!! If he wasn't so provocative, I wouldn't want to torture him, okay? not my fault!!! so true,,,, I want to spoil Hua Cheng and just hold him on my lap, my dear boy, I want to spoil him completely and spoil him even if it only makes him even more clingy and needy, finally getting the love he is bound to receive!!! he deserves to have his face kissed while his hands are holding hands, and he blushes slightly, but absolutely does not mind, rather even showing you places that you can kiss<3333 look at him!!! tell him that "Hua Cheng" and "San Lang" are two of the most beautiful people in the world, and you love him regardless of how he looks, affectionately calling him "San Lang", since only you he allows himself to be called that :(((((( i rfnejrhrjrhehrrrhrhrjrjreh so so so so in lovve,,,,,, hua cheng my beloved boy my dear boy :(((((((((( when you brush his long dark hair as an act of caring while he hides his face in you in an almost sweet manner, enjoying such quiet moments alone when he can afford to be just spoiled,,,,,,, or when he feels more sly in the form of Sang Lang, playfully flirting and feeling so carefree, even when you whisper so that he does not embarrass you, busy with your business, and he, of course, could, but snuggling up to you and being a flirt is much more interesting</////3

that is, you will behave as usual, just this time you decided to voice it out loud?🤨 no u meanie pamna cotta<//333 /t /hj

𝐈 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 // 𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐬

okay, but Xie Lian who keeps some kind of gift that passes on to each of your incarnations to confirm that your destinies are connected, no matter what? maybe a couple of things that can only look normal together (you know, a necklace with a piece of a flower or a crown that needs to be put together to make a solid pattern, or rings with the image of the moon and the sun that can easily be combined with each other), or two paired things like armbands or a drawing - something that can confirm that you will always remember him and that he will always be with you, that you will never forget him, that he is a part of you as well as you are a part of him that he will never be able to tear out, no matter what he does. when his mind obsessively says that you will one day leave him and die, leave forever, he will never be able to return to you, but the thing remains his reminder that, of course, you will come. you'll be there. you have always been and always will be there.

he is not delirious, he did not dream it, it's true, it's reality, and you will always find nest and be there, no matter where you want or refuse to be, you will always be where he is, and he will always be where you are, as it should be, as it is right — the moon should not leave the sun, just as he steps behind you, knowing that your absence is so little, so little time, seeing a familiar figure again only to know that his life has begun to flow again, as if the May sun came after the frosts, turning the icicles into tears when he hurries to you,,,, when you immediately recognize him, realizing that he is yours, exactly yours, your one and only, only to realize that you don't remember anything except this, but Xie Lian almost drunkenly claims that he remembers everything and will help you, just take his hand — and he will take you Home.

when you almost roughly squeeze his waist and Xie Lian tries not to be loud, but no matter how often you touch him, he just can't be calm or react as if it's not his first time, even if your first time you tied him up and made him cry — you vaguely remember that you have already done this, but seeing his face red with shame and excitement, as if he is a virgin, you can't help but feel pretty, feeling as if you will always be the first for him, no matter how many lives you have already touched him and done what you want,,,, when he sees that you are happy, no longer as gloomy and unhappy as before, now making him feel like the most beloved boy on earth while drunkenly kissing his red, almost sweet-tasting lips, looking for even more, even if his fingers dig into your clothes, making his feelings more primitive while you kiss, snuggling up to you with his chest red with shame and embarrassment, while his eyelashes tremble with delight and shame, feeling so greedy from how passionate you are and how happy you are.

furfurfur,,,, but, listen,,,,,, when one day he doesn't find you? not that it was strange - to her, at some point he lived without you at all, only with the hope that one day you would meet, but now, living with you, your absence has become much, much, much more painful, as if someone tore the heart out of his chest, and the fact that you can be anywhere, it only makes things worse — even knowing that you will meet, you will inevitably meet, the very fact that he needs to wait even longer makes something inside him break. after all, why should he wait? why should you be subject to the tao? couldn't he be at least a little happier?

why can't he always be with you?

ah ah~ you could? pretty pamna, pretty<333333 mwah♡ yes!!! look, but they're like your puppies, and you can't really tell which one is better or worse when they're both two desperate messes who adore you,,,, they are almost poking into your palms, in which there is a little attention and love to pounce on you with even more zeal, and if you have even more love and attention for them? they become obsessive, giving a billion times more, almost showering you with adoration, as if trying to prove to you how much they can love you, much more than you can even imagine, metaphorically twining around you like two vines around a common support. in the end, no matter what race you belong to, it always attracts attention when they surround you from two sides, even if the ways of their expression and courtship are different, especially considering that they are both unsure of themselves, but at the same time cling to you, trying to attract your attention and flirt — but even in this they are too different, with the passion of Hua Cheng and the softness of Xie Lian<///3 where there are never many of them - there are many, many, many, always many, so many that you can only accept and agree, letting them do whatever they want does no harm to anyone, responding with almost the same obsession, even if your impulse is still weaker due to the fact that there are just two of them and they're both poking and searching,,,,

hehehe,,,, Hua Cheng, who can't help but be clingy and affectionate to you when you showed tenderness to an unnecessary and stray child, trying to give him comfort, looking for memories of your Xie Lian in a familiar child, associated only with a performance at a festival... only so that over time you really start just enjoying time with him. he was a small, skinny kitten, but you felt almost guilty pleasure when you pampered him, replacing the memories of the prince with him, the same needy pet who is constantly looking for attention and loves tenderness, only Hua Cheng is more streetwise and... abandoned, and maybe that's why you don't feel careless or too guilty when you give him food or squeeze his cheeks, almost feeling that you are helping a "common person" when he bites into an apple, looking at you adoring eyes, even if one of them - blood-red - is hidden under bandages. he doesn't look like a delicate flower, - not at all like your Xie Lian, looking like a delicate peony blooming in the snow, - but rather like a flower of ghosts, especially when you can see his eye through the bandage while gently stroking his hair, as if cradling. but you're still good together. as long as Xie Lian is in Heaven, you can't help but feel good around the cute boy, more like a tiny animal eating from your hand. especially when you take care of the temple together, even if other employees often try to drive him away — when you are around, he definitely feels safer and more cared for, almost falling asleep while you sweep the floor, letting him finally be warm and safe while you are quietly busy, taking care that he lies warm and a relatively soft spot, knowing that your lover definitely won't mind a couple of times.

even when the time of war begins, after your long-awaited reunion with Xie Lian, you can't help but be gentle, even realizing that the war requires you to be tough and accept the fact that your affection for any person will only turn into pain, as the war sweeps away anyone, — but Hua Cheng looks like a fragile tiny butterfly, even if he is already a teenager, no longer so reminiscent of a creepy ghost, but this only makes it more unpleasant for you, realizing that this is the child you care about — only to know that he is going to seek death in a war that you do not believe in winning, even realizing that your Prince can bring nothing but resounding success with him.

listen,,,, but when you are curling in the form of a will-o'-the-wisp on his chest, bouncing off if you feel too relaxed, but still snuggling up again almost capriciously dissatisfied, looking for a pleasant yin energy that he does not regret too much, being the same ghost as you, even if, unlike you, he no longer needs in charge and has definitely moved on, although you are sure that for a ghost you are developing even very hastily — he is just a monster in every sense, obviously; when he gently almost teases you, feeling how you bounce back if his energy becomes too much, and he tries to gently and respectfully, with slightly trembling hands, almost stroke you, as if assuring you to relax and stop being so restless, just staying in place. not that you were against such an offer, of course, but you can't control when you try to pull away again — only for him to cover you with his palm, slightly pressing, convincing you to stop fidgeting and twitching, almost hoarsely cooing that in this way you will get a lot more energy, even if you can only spread over his chest (definitely remembering it to him in the future when he will whimper from hypersensitivity though).

when you are looking for your lover after you have finally found physical form, but you cannot deny that you have already begun to get used to Hua Cheng, even more than before, when he was a little turnip — and turned into a pretty elegant cat, not only spoiled by your attention, but also sleek and smoothed, almost homely, when he gently presses his cheek against your shoulder, almost purring, attracting your attention, even more resembling a big, fluffy black cat,,,,, when he is the center of your attention and no one else, letting him huddle even closer and closer, as if he was still the same child, only now you feel that he is looking for not just attention and affection, but also more, much more — and you are not sure if you can give it, even hearing that he will always be your faithful follower, willing to do everything for you.

and in his eyes you see the same stars as in the eyes of Your Prince, even knowing that you promised to be the most devoted admirer of your future spouse.

#.spicy♡#❖.my jewelry #✮.panna cotta <3 #🥮 — heaven official's blessing #✉.hua cheng #✉.xie lian #🧸.yandere au #🧸.unhealthy #🧸.rough sex #gender neutral reader

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