#Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tenpintsofsundrop · 9 months

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I’m rewatching Titans season 3 to catch up for season 4 and I really wanna dump about Dick a lil. I’m sorry if this is just garbled info that you don’t get but I really had to put this somewhere :’) feel free to just skim over this ask!

also i’m sorry if this is formatted weird, tumblr is acting up for me </3

i’m a tiny eeny weeny bit of a dc comics nerd and something I’ve loved about Dick’s character is his commitment to his family. In the comics, while Jason still has a strained relationship with his family, his relationship with Dick is stable for the most part. I get that Titans is about The Titans and not so much the ‘bat family’ but again, I would have loved to the family dynamics explored a little if there had been more seasons.

And it just hurts me heart to see Dick be such a bitch to his honorary kid brother. Like dude stop it please.

(also pleaser bear with me, I’m remembering stuff about Dick from earlier seasons just off the top of my head, so if i say smth that’s rlly off about his character, please correct me!)

In the comics, I especially love Dick’s relationship with his youngest brother, Damian. He takes a major paternal role in Damian’s life while Bruce is absent and some terrible, traumatic things go down and Damian just adores his brother for it, even if he’s too stubborn to admit it.

This isn’t me saying Comic!Dick>Titans!Dick at all! it’s mostly me saying I wish we could have had more of him as a whole to see how they adapted his character and his growth.

tldr; I’m sad titans was canceled because I would have loooovveeed to see more of Dick’s growth.

this is so funny omg. you need to talk to @star-mum because we have both decided that Titans!Dick is Public Enemy Number One and it sounds like you're there too

(long winded rant below the cut but thank you for letting me talk about this lmao)

so in general, I don't read a lot of comics, but I know a lot of comic book lore because of youtube videos, tiktoks, etc. (because my general curiosity brings me to watch videos about that stuff) and because Jaycen talks my ear off about that stuff and I love her for it <3. and it's also intensely interesting to me, because I read a lot of DC fanfiction (because it's one of the most diverse and well written fandoms when it comes to fanfiction) and you can always tell when someone is using comic book characterization for characters vs strictly Titans characterization for the characters - which, the ladder is rare. Most people are only fans of the comic version - which is very understandable.

But Comic Dick Grayson vs Titans Dick Grayson are miles apart (especially considering that Comic Bruce is a calm, well rounded father who adopted Dick out of the goodness of his heart and raised a well rounded, polite, charming son, and Titans Bruce is a sociopath who adopted Dick as a coping mechanism, emotionally abused him for years, which resulted in him raising a 'son' with intense anger issues and pent up rage, and then Bruce tried to commit suicide when he realized he made the same mistakes with Jason).

Comic Dick is the golden boy.

He is very sociable, charming, sweet - he's a playboy because he has intense natural empathy, and in general he's known as the 'golden boy' because he's well rounded in every aspect. He's smart, he's a people person (without pretending), he naturally meshes well with others, he has a good natural compass for justice, he's clever.

Titans Dick is a fucking mess.

Bruce emotionally abused, and it informs so fucking much of his character and his issues - he has attachment issues; he desperately wants a family/a long term attachment but he refuses to form one because he doesn't want to get hurt, so he is constantly pushing people away, he has pent up rage because of how he lost his parents (and because of how Bruce treated that loss, telling him that the world is cold and cruel and no one is ever going to comfort him in that world so he has to make his own justice through violence). He takes every single loss or injustice (however big or small) deeply personally, he doesn't fucking talk about his feelings or communicate properly.

And Jason does get the brunt of the ... wreckage? Of Dick's issues.

It is very clear that because Bruce 'replaced' him with Jason, Dick is consciously or unconsciously taking out his anger toward Bruce on Jason. This is not a problem in the comic books, because Bruce and Dick have a great relationship. But in Titans, Dick and Bruce have a lot of unresolved problems (as much as Dick claims he has forgiven Bruce) so when he sees Jason going down the exact same path he went down - no parents, no proper guidance in the world other than Robin and being Bruce Wayne's little pet - it makes him furious toward Jason because he is furious at a past version of himself.

So because Dick has a lot of unresolved anger and fucked up communication issues, rather than being gentle with Jason and guiding him (and becoming Jason's new mentor, a better mentor than Bruce) he just takes his anger out on Jason because he is unconsciously fighting a past version of himself that let himself believe Bruce Wayne was a good parent.

And when it comes to Season 3 specifically with Red Hood - oooof - I have so much to say about this.

Nightwing and Red Hood are such intense parallels in Titans.

When we first meet Dick, he is at an intense turning point with his violence - he is very brutal, and though it's clear that he thinks killing people is shocking and wrong, he thinks nothing of doling out severe, brutal, possibly life-changing and disabling injuries. And what really gets me is when Dawn is shocked by the level of violence that Dick is displaying, and she is clearly concerned by it.

So when he becomes Nightwing, he reforms himself - he comes back from the edge, he eases up on the violence, and he has a lot of self reflection and realizes that it wasn't about the criminals, it was about him. And he makes an effort not to be as violent.

But it's clear that when he sees Red Hood - someone who kills criminals without a second thought - Dick simply sees a path that he could have gone down. Especially with the themes of that season 'killing vs not killing'. Dick thinks that he's morally superior for easing up on his violence and not killing, but really, when he sees Red Hood, he just sees an alternate version of himself - someone who was fucked up by Bruce and went down a different path, and someone whose ways are maybe a bit more justified than he would like to admit.

So rather than being brotherly toward Jason, rather than acknowledging the legitimate mental illness and trauma that Jason has, Dick talks about Jason (and Red Hood) as though he is a concept. As though Jason is doing this out of spite and pure evil, because Dick wants to extinguish that side of himself that would have embraced Red Hood's ideals if he had gone down the wrong path himself.

Those are my thoughts lmao. Titans Dick doesn't have the capacity to be brotherly toward Jason unfortunately. That's why he's so annoying

#pikispixies #my lovely moots #sundrop answers #discussion #character discussion #dick grayson #jason todd #titans #dc titans #dc #titans!dick grayson #titans!jason todd

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just--kay · 5 years

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falcor-thee-luck-dragon · 3 years

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Forgive, But First Fun - Nandor x f(vampire) reader

Summary: After getting left behind to fight off a pack of werewolves on your own, now mad at Nandor, you and Nadja have decided a little night out couldn’t hurt.

Warning: slight angst, fluff, fun times, and a tiny smut mention

Masterlist

Trudging angrily through the manors wooden doors, face stern and almost scary enough to put the fear of God into anyone. Your boots stomp into the large opening and onto the wooden floor boards as Gullimero, Nandor, and the documentary crew follow you in.

Your cloak is ripped and dirty as it lays in a pathetic black heap of cloth in Gullimero’s arms, your hair not looking any better, not to mention your face and arms that have various cuts paired with grass smudge marks adoring your skin. All in all you look like a hot mess.

“What the fuck happened to you lot? You’ve been gone all night.” Questions Laszlo as he walks into view from out of one of the hallways, his eyes scanning over a perfectly clean and handsome Nandor, then over to the dirty crew and disheveled Guillermo who’s got some leaves stuck to his hair.

“I don’t know.” You snap sarcastically, “How about you ask Mr. Dodgy-shit-stick over there.” Referring to Nandor who’s looking anywhere but you, keeping as silent as ever.

Gullimero looks between you and Nandor, then back at a confused Laszlo. “Oh, um they’re not speaking to each other right now.”

“And why the fuck not?”

Guillermo sighs before leaning towards Laszlo, “Nandor wanted to graffiti where the werewolves live and Y/N said he’d get caught and then Nandor said no I won’t and then he did.”

Laszlo raises a curious brow, “That’s it?”

“Oh, um....” Guillermo awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, suddenly pulling off a green leaf, “then they chased us to the park and when the pack closed in on us Nandor turned into a bat and left us behind so Y/N had to fight one of them off so we could escape and now we’re here.”

“Well that sounds rather exciting.”

“Not at the time.” Whispers Guillermo to no one in particular as he glances over at the camera.

“Huh,” Mutters Laszlo thoughtfully, scratching his beard as he thinks of how to help this situation, “well if you two dingbats aren’t talking to one another I believe Nadja needs you Y/N. Something about....well actually I’m not entirely sure.”

Perking up ever so slightly at this positive news, you cross your arms over your chest defiantly, “Well since someone does, I’ll be going then.” You grumble with a low growl at your Nandor who’s refusing to make eye contact while he stares frustrated at the floor.

Nodding in acknowledgment, Laszlo watches you stomp angrily up the steps before turning his head over to Nandor who’s now watching you leave with big sad eyes.

“Alright why’d you do it?” Interrogates Laszlo with a raised brow.

“Do whaaat?” Replies Nandor defensively, his once high and mighty aurora reappearing in an instant.

Rolling his eyes, Laszlo sets a hand on his hip sassily, “Well I sure as hell don’t want an angry Y/N wandering around this old place for the next however the fuck it takes you both to make up....in however fashion that may be. So I ask again, why’d you puss out and flee like a mangy opossum?”

Pursing his lips together in apprehensive embarrassment, Nandor mutters to himself before finally crossing his arms over his broad chest and sighing, “Because......I....I don’t know I panicked!” Exclaims the large vampire, causing Laszlo to start laughing. “Why are you laughing?”

Wiping a fake tear from his eye, Laszlo lets out a few more chuckles before finally composing himself, “My good man that is the second saddest thing I’ve ever heard. The first being when one of my many victims offered me one of their rare and exclusive Poki-muns card which I still have no idea what the fuck they were on about. Anyways, doesn’t matter, all I’ll tell is that you better make it up to her.”

“But she’s scary when she’s angryyy.” Whines Nandor with a frown.

“That’s all women my young pup, but since your lovely lady is a vampire she’s more dangerous.” He says while giving Nandor a kind pat on the back, “So uh, stay safe out there.” Adds Laszlo before turning and walking down the hallway leaving Nandor with his thoughts, Gullimero, and the documentary’s camera crew.

“What are you all looking at!” Snaps Nandor to the rest of the room.

——

“Oh my goodnessess that’s awful, my poor dark angel.” Soothes Nadja as you take a moment from your long and needed rant about the adventures in the park and Nandor’s cowardly stupidity. “That big hairy rhino doesn’t deserve you Y/N.” She reasons honestly, doing her best to make you feel better, knowing all to well the level of competent decision making skills of the other two vampires in the house.

“I know.” You mutter in agreement, your body tense and agitated as you pace back and forth in front of her as she sits in a chair, “Fucking beautiful idiot prick horse-fart of a husband. Urgghhh!” You proclaim loudly while throwing your hands into the air angrily, causing the furniture in the room to screech backwards across the old flooring at your outburst of vampiric energy. Nadja’s long obsidian hair blowing backwards as you do so while she keeps seated, unflinching.

Face softening, she gives you a sympathetic smile, “Oh my lovely fierce lioness, I know exactly what will make that sad little frown turn into a happy one.” Beams Nadja with an excited clap of her hands.

Hugging your sides, you let out a frustrated huff before giving your old friend a shrug, “What do you have in mind?”

——

“So we’re at the carnival!” Claps Nadja in delight as she smiles at the camera, “This will hopefully relieve Y/N’s pent up angers and keep her mind off of Nandor.....for now.” She adds a bit uncertainly.

“HA HA take that fuckers!” You shout joyfully from behind her, the camera panning over to you at the ball toss where you’ve been knocking down plastic bottles with a rubber ball. The stall owner cowering in the corner as he shields himself with a stuffed zebra.

The camera focuses back on Nadja, “I think it’s going really well so far.” She confirms with a convincing grin. “Relieving all that..uh....rage.”

After winning a stuffed snake taller then you and deciding to wear it as a strange fashionable scarf, you and Nadja are wandering the carnivals streets while people watching to pass the time.

“So that’s why I never walk on the roof after 3am when I’ve had homeless man’s blood.” Rambles Nadja as your thoughts about Nandor come trickling down into your brain and nose. Huh, strange, must be cause you’re still wearing a thin red scarf of his.

No, stop thinking about him.

“Good lesson learned then,” You add with the flash of a smile before nudging her shoulder gently, “hey you wanna watch me win you something cool?”

Perking up in an instant, Nadja smiles a devilish fangy grin as she stops to eye up the multiple game stalls, “Why I would be delighted my dear Y/N, how about....um, oooh I want that giant tropical fishy with the long whiskers over there.” Points Nadja as your eyes travel over to the game stall with the large prizes.

It’s a game that requires the individual to shoot an arrow directly on three different sized bullseye’s stationed at various heights. Smiling like an idiot, you nudge your vampiric acquaintance in agreement, the both of you quickly swaggering over to the carnival game and it’s plush flashy prizes just screaming to be won.

“Hello good sir, my skilled roommate Y/N here is going to win me that fish.” Beams Nadja proudly as the teenager jumps off his chair to greet the two of you.

He smells like weed but surprisingly looks decent all things considered, “Uh yeah alright, two bucks for three arrows, hit every target directly on the middle red mark and if you make it on the bonus poster on the far back wall then you’ll have a chance to win that fish, good luck.” Mumbles the kid unenthusiastically as you slide him the cash.

Picking up the shitty yet still functional carnival bow, you give Nadja a wink before fitting an arrow in the nock and pulling back, lining up the shot and releasing directly into the first target to the left. Smirking to yourself you quickly draw again, hitting your second mark just as intended. Pays to be a skilled archer huh.

“Damn that’s pretty good aim.” Nods the teen as he watches in awe as you fit another arrow, releasing and punching a hole in the middle of the third target.

Nadja claps in excitement from behind you, “Yes! Win me that colorful fat bitch my feisty lioness!”

Standing like a warrior ready for battle with your bow in hand and wind blowing in your face, the kid almost drops the arrow he hands you for the winning shot as he practically swoons.

“Get those scissors ready, that fish is mine.” You growl in determination while picturing Nandor’s head as the final target, drawing back, you let the arrow fly straight into the bonus target. Winning Nadja her giant fish plushy.

“Yessss!” Shouts Nadja in delight as you drop the bow onto the table like a bad bitch before eyeing up the kid with a raised brow, “We’ll be taking the fish now.”

Wide eyed he almost falls off his chair, “Wait um, that’s the last one...I didn’t think, uh, my boss doesn’t want me to give away those ones.” He stutters out.

“What!” Snaps Nadja, “Then why are they just hanging there? You lied to us you little shit!”

“I’m sorry.” He pleads apologetically, “That’s what my boss told me. And no one ever wins the big prizes anyway so I didn’t think...”

“Well your boss he can eat a big horse turd cause I’m taking that fish.” You growl before jumping up and unhooking the fish from its perch above your heads, handing it to a practically glowing with joy Nadja who immediately hugs the thing.

Sticking your tongue out at the teen, you and Nadja turn to leave before a boney hand is suddenly on your shoulder, twisting around in an agitated instant, your face is mere inches from the wide eyed boy as he attempts to look even a tad bit threatening.

“No.” Is the only thing that slips from your tongue before your hand shoves him back, his whole body going air bound into the back of the carnival tent while the kid lets out a panicked scream.

“Ooooh Y/N that was very sexy of you.” Smirks Nadja while wiggling her dark brows, “Too bad a certain cowardly lion wasn’t here to see it.”

Petting the stuffed toy snake around your neck absentmindedly, you smile back a fangy grin, “Yes. Too bad.”

Continuing on your late night stroll through the carnival you both pass by random strangers, families, elders, children, and lovers all minding their sweet business completely unawares to the dark supernatural world walking right past them.

Although you’re quite enjoying this time spent with your best friend in the whole wide world, a low dull feeling of emptiness can’t help but creep into your undead being the more you catch sight of new and old couples walking together.

Sensing your growing sadness, Nadja nudges your shoulder playfully to gain your distracted attention, “Hello in there my black rose, what is on your mind?”

Holding the snake close to your body, a small smile creeps its way onto your face knowing she’s looking out for you, though it’s gone soon enough, “Oh you know....uh....blood.” You mutter unenthusiastically, trying to keep your thoughts away from Nandor and how much you miss him right now.

“Blood is it? But we just fed before attending the carnival.” Inquires Nadja in confusion as she keeps a normal pace at your side while the two of you follow the sidewalk past various shops and restaurants. “What is actually plaguing your mind my dear one?” She wonders with a frown, not keen on seeing you upset and in a grey mood.

Biting your lip anxiously, though not hard enough to draw blood, you walk past a couple more people before your eyes catch the sight of a small black bat disappearing behind a corner building just up ahead.

Squinting your eyes, your nose suddenly catches the scent of someone very familiar, “Nandor?”

Turning her head to face you, Nadja’s brows furrow in puzzlement, “What? No my sweet hurricane, forget that mangy old bear he’s not important right now.” Urges Nadja as she looks forward, suddenly surprised to catch a glimpse of someone who looks a lot like Guillermo racing behind the same corner you saw the bat fly behind. “Okay um what the fuck? Did you see that too?”

Glancing at Nadja you nod before quickening your steps as she does the same, her skirts flowing as she tries to catch up with you, though you’re much faster and with lack of annoying dress material, “Wait! You’re too fast.” Yelps Nadja.

Ignoring her protests you book it down the sidewalk like a maniac, almost running into a jogger before skidding round the corner of the brick building and coming face to face with a wide eyed Guillermo who gasps in surprise. Nudging him to the side, your eyes immediately fall upon the nervous fangy grin of your Nandor.

He gives you a shy little wave before shuffling awkwardly in place, awaiting your rampage of verbal and possibly physical assault that he’s certain is in the near future.

Taking a deep breath, you cross your arms over your chest defensively, “Were you following me?”

“Um, well.....I might have been....but only to make sure you were okay.” Mutters Nandor honestly, eyes shifting from you to the ground nervously as he awaits your wrath.

Pursing your lips together in thought, you shake your head before taking off the stuffed toy snake and holding it firmly in your hands. With a low growl do you grasp the snake in your right hand and hold it back like you might swing at any moment.

“You’re a fucking nincompoop you know that right?” Slips from your mouth without an once of anger lacing your words, instead do you hand the snake to Gullimero as Nandor watches in puzzled fear.

Taking a swift step forward, you point a finger into his strong chest while looking sternly up at him, “Racing off and leaving me too fight that angry bitch all by myself, and now following me when I needed a break from you! Nandor....... you’re something else.” You add with a shake of your head.

“Yes I know, and I’m sorry my love.” Smiles Nandor with saddened eyes, “I promise to keep you save from now on and fight off any werewolf who tries to hurt you....even if I am scared.”

Taking a step back, you can’t help the smirk that forms onto your face at his sweet words of forgiveness and sincerity. You know how much he fears werewolves and that he fled the scene thinking you were planning on following too, not realizing that you might actually give a shit about Gullimero’s and the crew’s lives.

“Oh my dear puff dragon,” You declare softly with a small smile, reaching both hands out to grasp his own, “I forgive you.”

Nandor’s face breaks out into the biggest and happiest grin you’ve seen since his last birthday when he walked into your shared crypt only to find you naked and holding a bushel of red roses while seated seductively on his coffin.

“Oh that’s fantastic because I was really missing you.” Reveals Nandor with a gentle squeeze of your hands. “Laszlo and Guillermo can’t make me laugh nearly as much as you can, they’re honestly rather boring.” He says before leaning in closer to whisper, “and not very attractive to look at either.” Causing you to crack another grin and your undead heart to fill with butterflies.

Chuckling you reach up with one hand to pull his collar closer to you and a second later do your lips clash sweetly against one another in a heated moment of passion. He smiles into the kiss before moving to pull you in closer with both of his hands, one slipping low to cheekily pinch your round bottom.

Feeling him against you once again has to be the best sensation in the whole entirety of the world even if you’ve only been separated for a couple of hours. You absolutely love the way his fingers dig into your back and bum with an animalistic eagerness that’s slowly starting to drive you insane. Oh, the things he does to you.

Especially how his tongue slips into your mouth with ease while you tug at his hair long dark locks. “Y/N!” Suddenly shouts Nadja.

“Nandor!”

Begrudgingly pulling away, you turn around to face the confused lady vampire while Nandor hugs you from behind, happily smirking at her, knowing she can’t do anything to hurt him now. “Yes Nadja.” You answer.

With the fish plushy hung over her shoulder, her brows furrow in confusion, “What the fuck are you doing? I thought you were mad at him?”

“Yeah well, I was starting to really miss him and also I’m kind of horny now so.” You reply with a shrug as Nandor hugs you tighter, resting his bearded chin against your head while Nadja huffs in defeat.

“Alright. See you at home then.” Adds Nadja before turning towards Guillermo and shoving the giant carnival fish into his arms, “Hold this Gizmo I’m going home.” Then just like that she’s gone in a black wispy poof, flying away in bat form towards the vampire resistance on Staten Island.

“Okay then.” Mutters Gullimero as he looks up at the dark sky.

Feeling a wet kiss on the side of your face and neck you smile before turning around to face your dear husband, “Shall we take flight to seek out our bed chambers?” You speak slyly in a soft yet seductive voice.

“Yes.” Grins Nandor with a flash of lust and excitement before turning his attention over to Guillermo, “Hey Guillermo I’m leaving to make passionate love to my wife so don’t bother us or I will have a rat shit in your pillowcase. Okay?”

You giggle to yourself as Gullimero’s cheeks redden while he side eyes the camera, “Understood master. Have fun.” Squeaks out the loyal familiar as he stands there awkwardly with his hands full of two carnival prizes.

Nandor sneakily squeezes your bottom once more as he gives Gullimero a knowing smirk, “Oh, we will.” Then a second later you two are flying high above the city in bat form, ready to make love to your sweet Nandor for probably the twentieth time that week.

Down below the camera pans over to Gullimero as he blinks, “Well uh, I have these things now..” He says, holding up the fish, “and I am so not looking forward to cleaning up their mess.......again.”

#I love me some himbo vampire what can I say #nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows #Nandor #Nandor x reader #nandor x you #nandor x y/n #wwdits #what we do in the shadows x reader #fanfiction #my fanfic

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ateezthings · 3 years

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ATEEZ Reaction: S/O flinching during an argument

Anon said: “Hi um could I please request for an ateez reaction to their s/o flinching in an argument? Thank you so much if you do this!! Much love ❤️❤️”

Triggerwarning: This scenario could be triggering for some people as it deals with past (physical) abuse, no abuse will happen though. Take care of yourself and please seek help if you need it.

Genderneutral

Heavy angst (Writing angst is always emotionally draining but I love it so much, it means a lot more to me)

Jongho

You knew Jongho was strong. This didn’t help when he raised his right hand during the argument. You instinctively crouched down and covered your face with your arms. When you couldn’t feel any sort of punch, you dared to look at him again. The expression on his face scared the living hell out of you: shock, hurt, pain, disappointment.

“You thought I’d hi-hit you?”

At that point you realized you didn’t think, your body just reacted. Things, that happened in the past were screwing up your present, you had to start letting go.

“I do-don’t know, Jongho, I didn’t… I-You raised your arm and I thought-”

That’s when you broke down: knees giving out and tears starting to spill from your eyes, announcing that you were starting the self-healing process.

Sunken on to the floor, he slowly approached you, gently wrapping his arms around your body. For a while nothing could be heard except your muffled cries.

Holding you tight while you fell apart, he reassured you: “I would never lay a finger on you like that… please believe me, you are so precious”

After a moment of silence, he continued: “Do you wanna talk about what made you think that I could do that to you?”

With almost no energy left, you slowly shook your head no.

“It’s okay, I love you and I will always be here”

Wooyoung

He has a good heart. But he is also very passionate and that sometimes scares you when he is in one of his moods, rants like there’s no tommorow and he doesn’t hear you anymore. You were trying to get a word in but Wooyoung was speaking louder and louder about how it wasn’t his responsibility to get groceries after being at the studio for 13 hours a day, even though you asked him to in the morning.

He got so worked up he puffed his chest and fitfully lifted his arms. That was enough to make you flinch. It was a short action but of course Wooyoung noticed. Immediately becoming silent, it looked like someone took the life out of him.

“Did you think… I was going to…?”

Scared of your own reaction, you were paralyzed for a moment. Wooyoung rushed to take you into his arms, his comforting arms.

“I’m sorry Woo”, your voice sounded exhausted, like you’ve never been before.

“You don’t have to apologize for it… I’m sorry for getting so worked up, I never meant to scare you… you know I will always protect you.”

Mingi

You didn’t even remember what the argument was about. Mingi came home a little aggravated and you were tired from work so that’s when things went south.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I have the most important performance of my career that day, I can’t come visit your parents!”

“Mingi you never make time for me! It’s like your job is more important to you than me!”

Visibly frustrated, he quickly lifted up his arms in defeat. That’s when the flashbacks started in your head and you retracted back into your shell, shoulders and arms raised to protect your head.

“Y/N… I… Did you really think…” He didn’t need to finish.

The look on his face showed emotions that were beyond hurt, pain and disappointment.

You struggled to keep your composure: “I’m sorry Mingi, I don’t-”

He hurried over to you to take you into his arms.

“It’s okay… I could never do something like that to you.”

San

He forgot your anniversary. That was it. You knew that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but little things like that were important to you. They mattered more than any big gesture or present.

You simply expected him to write you a sweet message during the day or something like that. But he forgot. Even when you went to see him in the evening he didn’t seem to remember. So, you wanted to confront him about how much that hurt you.

You didn’t expect it to develop into a huge argument though.

“San, what I expected was just a little reminder that our relationship is as important to you as it is to me, I just wanted my boyfriend to send me a text… but you couldn’t even do that!”

That was it for him. You doubted his ability to show love?

He took a step closer to you but after seeing the rage in his eyes that was enough for you to step back in fear.

That broke him. And you could see that.

“No no no, that’s not- you’re not scared of me, right Y/N?”

It all happened so fast you couldn’t think straight. When you didn’t respond he broke down in tears.

So it was you, who took him into your arms, even though you doubted his good nature for a split second.

You tried to keep him together with your hug while struggling yourself.

San would never ever hurt you. His reaction was enough to make it clear to you how much the thought of you being scared of him hurt him.

Holding each other close you both let out cleansing tears and haunting memories that used to be tucked away in a back drawer of your mind, ready to be dealt with now.

Yeosang

He’s not the person to get angry audibly. Like twice a year you guys a conflict but it was never loud.

But this one was different; it was a much deeper conflict of values. He prioritized work. You knew he loved his work but did he have to ignore your needs while doing what he loved? You believed he could also pay a little attention to you, that’s what being in a relationship meant, right?

It was scary when he started to raise his voice but it was even more terrifying when he started to gesture wildly, trying to explain why you were wrong.

Naturally, you went into protection mode.

He stopped right in his tracks when he saw the terrified expression on your face.

“Y/N.. I wasn’t going to… I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just…”

You didn’t know how to explain yourself either. But you didn’t need to, Yeosang understood what was going on.

He carefully approached you and offered you a big hug. You let yourself collapse into him and allowed the tears to spill from your eyes, letting out all the pent-up stress and fear.

“I’m sorry my love. I will never forgive myself for scaring you…”

Yunho

You were on edge the whole day, anxiety acting up again. Sometimes you could deal with it, but not today.

In the evening it got even worse when Yunho didn’t seem to notice you were more nervous and jittery than usual. He’s had a hard day too.

So, you decided to put aside your own troubles to ask him how his day went.

His eyebrows furrowed: “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“I just wanted to ask you how your day went, Yunho, and why you’re so pissed, I’m sorry”

He groaned out of frustration and turned his body away from you - a little too fast. That’s when something snapped in you and you got flooded with horrible memories of past situations that scarred you physically but more importantly mentally: You couldn’t help but protect your head from punches that might land on it.

“No, baby, don’t… I.. I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t going to…”

The look in his eyes was pure defeat.

“I’m so sorry” his voice was merely a whisper.

You were shocked when you realized you had thought he could harm you physically. He was your safe place.

So you let yourself fall into his arms, hoping you could comfort him as much as he comforted you.

Hongjoong

In an argument Hongjoong could raise his voice, you knew that. What you didn’t know was that even small rapid movements of his could trigger a memory in your mind that you hoped to suppress forever.

He only ran his hand through his hair but your reflex was to immediately cover your face.

“What was that?... Are y-you scared of me…?”

Tears started to spill from your eyes as you realized that you had hurt him: ”I’m sorry Hongjoong, I don’t know what’s happening”

Taking you into his arms, he tried to calm you down with his touch: ”Shh, it’s okay, I’m here, Y/N”

After your tears dried up a little, you moved to cuddle on the couch.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

It was painful but you decided to tell him everything you could remember.

He was sure to hold you especially tight during the parts where you didn’t think you could keep on talking.

Seonghwa

You guys fought about his job and how he was never home. He reasoned he loved what he did and that was supposed to make it okay. It didn’t. So, your dispute was going nowhere.

Out of frustration he turned away from you.

The action was so quick, but it scared a part of you, that you didn’t know existed: the part that was abused.

You couldn’t help but flinch. Of course, Seonghwa noticed.

“Why’d you…? Y/N are you sc-scared of me?” His eyes wide open, the corners of his mouth visibly drooping.

You sank down onto the floor, unable to hold it in any longer. It was useless to cover your eyes, tears already spilling like a waterfall.

Seonghwa was quick to hug you.

You were falling apart in his arms, but it felt good to let it all out. Neither you nor Seonghwa needed to speak.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

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sestra-inestro · 4 years

Text

Brat

Summary: Enemies to lovers fuck-buddies?

Pairings: fem!short!reader x Bucky Barnes

Warnings: 18+ smut, manhandling, a fuck load of swearing, violence, also kind long.

A/N: Just before y’all read anything, take note: JUNE IS NOT AN OC! Do not comment and message me telling me what not to tag on my stories. Read the description on my Main Masterlist to save yourself some unwanted opinions. Unless it is specified, like this fic is for example, June is not female, white, black, curly-haired, bald, short or tall and is up to interpretation. See it as if you were playing June in the movies/TV shows, you are June. Don’t like it? Don’t read it. There's plenty of Y/N fics. If you have something you want specifically mentioned then you request it, otherwise, you keep your thoughts on how I should tag my stories to yourself. Rant over.

To say you hated each other perfectly summed up your relationship with James Buchanan Fucking Barnes. Ever since he joined the Avengers he has had it out for you. But lately? All communication between you two was a screaming match and dirty looks.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!” You yelled at him. Your scowl was starting to hurt your face but every time you looked at him you couldn’t help but snarl.

“Says you. You just had to fucking be in the wrong position. I saved your fucking life.” He pointed at you.

“I didn’t need you to save my life.” You threw your arms up. “I had a plan!”

“A shit plan that you didn’t even alert us about!”

“I told you I fucking had it and to stay put!”

Steve, Sam, Clint, and Natasha watched from the kitchen as you two screamed back and forth. Wanda walked in and sighed at the commotion.

“Are they still arguing?” She sighed as she sat down.

“Yeah.” Steve took a sip from his beer and continued to watch them.

“What about this time?” Wanda asked.

“Tony asked if they could hang a picture up on the wall above the TV. Bucky held the ladder while June climbed it.” Steve explained. A simple task that they can’t even get through without arguing.

“It was like death-wobble city. They were yelling at each other and then the ladder fell. I think he accidentally hurt her when he caught her.” Clint said as he, also, took a sip of his beer.

“Fuck you, Barnes! You did nothing but fucking injure me!” You screamed at him.

“Yep.” Sam sighed.

“You think they’ll ever get along?” Wanda asked them.

“Yeah. They just need to fuck.” Natasha said, carelessly.

Everyone turned away from your bickering with Bucky and looked at Nat. She looked around at the shocked faces.

“What?”

“What did you just say?” Steve questioned her.

“I said they just need to fuck.” Nat shrugged.

“Really?” Wanda looks back towards you both, still bickering.

“Yep.” Nat leaned forward to explain her theory. “All that pent up anger is directed at each other. Clearly, fighting and arguing is not helping thy situation, only making it worse. If they get physical and hurt each other, that could just make them hate each other more.” She gestured to you both. “If they tire each other out by fucking, they let out all that pent up anger, and are taking out on each other.” Nat leaned back in her seat and raised her beer. “They just need to fuck.”

Clint hooted and clinked his beer bottle with hers.

Steve rolled his eyes while Sam and Wanda considered it to be a good idea and nodded.

“Cap, set that up.” Clint spoke.

Steve’s head snapped towards him. “Why me?”

“Because you set up the missions.” Clint explained. “Give them one that’s bound to make them fuck.”

Steve groaned. “Can you please stop saying that?”

“It’s a way of life, Steve.” Nat shrugged. “It’ll get them both off their rage kicks and out of their dry spells. There will be a lot less of this,” she pointed to where you both were now walking away from each other but still throwing up middle fingers at each other. “And more of this.” She made a sex gesture with her hands.

“Oh, god.” Steve groaned again and ran his hands over his face.

He definitely would love to see you both shut up and be nice to one another just once.

“Fine. But if this doesn’t work, I’m sending you all on a three-month mission with them both.”

“Who are you talking about?” You asked, entering the kitchen with a sour face.

“No one.” They all said at the same time, avoiding eye contact and drinking their beers.

You woke up completely unbothered today. You were going on a mission for a few weeks, which means you’d be away from Bucky for a while. Peace and quiet for a while. You had your duffel bag thrown over your shoulder as you marched onto the quinjet. You threw your bag in the luggage area before taking a seat at the pilots’ seat, strapping in and waiting for your teammate. You still didn’t know who you paired with but you didn’t care.

Setting up the flight controls and logging in the location, you pulled on the headset just as someone stomped onto the jet

You turned your head and annoyance ran through your body. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” You groaned and leaned back in the seat.

“Oh fuck off.” Bucky grumbled upon seeing you.

He threw his bag to the luggage area and trudged over to the co-pilot’s seat and you punched the numbers on the control panel, calling Steve.

“Hey, you haven’t left yet?” Steve answered.

“No, Steve. What the fuck?” You said exasperated through the speaker.

“Yeah, what the fuck? You paired me with her? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Bucky butted in.

“First of all, stop swearing at me.” You just knew Steve was holding up a finger. “Second of all, you two need to get over whatever childishness is going on and just fucking put up with it.” You and Bucky both leaned back from the speaker in shock at his words.

“Get the mission done, and don’t come back until you two can act like mature adults.” Steve hissed and hung up.

You and Bucky sat in silence and shock for a second.

He was right, you and Bucky had been fighting a lot worse than usual lately. You couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as each other and now you had to go on an undercover mission together.

This was going to be shit.

You sighed before powering up the jet and closing the hanger doors.

“Fine.” You mumble to yourself.

Bucky pulls on his headset and you two ignore each other the entire ride.

Once you landed, you both grabbed your bags and headed to the hotel that had been set up by Nat.

“Two rooms under Rushman.” You said to the clerk.

He checks the computer and frowns. “Sorry, there’s only one room booked.”

You frowned at him. “No there should be two.”

“I’m sorry but there’s only one registered under Rushman.”

You groaned.

“Well is there any other rooms available?” You felt like you were going to die.

“Sorry. All our other rooms are occupied.” The clerk offered you the keys to the room.

“For fuck sake.” Bucky grumbled before grabbing his bag from the ground and you snatched the key card from the clerk’s hand.

He flinched at your harsh movement and frowned at you.

Despite your frustration towards him, he wishes you a good night as you follow Bucky to the room.

You walked up to the room and unlocked it quickly, the sooner you can get in the sooner it’s over.

Opening the door, you sigh. “At least there are two beds.”

“Yeah, god forbid I have to share a bed with you.” Bucky pushes passed to enter the room and you throw the bird to his back.

He went straight to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

You moved to the bed furthest away from the front door and started unpacking your stuff. You brought minimal products, keeping your luggage to the undercover clothing you need, weapons, your uniform, and pajamas.

You quickly got into your pajamas and slipped into the bed, turning away from the bathroom.

A few moments after, Bucky opened the bathroom door, dressed in his sleep clothing.

“Aren’t you going to shower?” He questioned as soon as he saw you already in bed.

“No.” You mumbled.

Bucky huffs in return and shuts off the lights you hear his rustling bed covers before silence, letting you finally drift off the sleep.

The next day you woke up before Bucky and decided to make the most noise you could. You knew he would be able to hear you when you got up, so to annoy him further you slammed doors, threw your bag and turned up your phone so the notifications echoed through the room.

You were showered and typing away on the Stark Laptop obnoxiously when Bucky finally growled and threw back his blankets.

“Are you just trying to piss me the fuck off?” Bucky glared at you with disheveled hair and the grumpiest face you’ve ever seen.

“If I am it looks like it’s working.” You said, unbothered by his mood and still looking at the laptop.

“Fucking bitch.” He mumbled under his breath before marching to the bathroom and slamming the door.

The rest of the day consisted of you both ignoring each other until it was time to go to work.

You stepped out of the bathroom in a flowing cream-white dress that ruched down the sides and led the slit down the side of your leg with little sparkles through all the fabric, your figure curved as it was all held together with a bodysuit underneath. Your heels complimented your dress and legs so much that Bucky couldn’t help but stare at you as you collected your faked invitation from your bed.

You turn to look at him dressed in his dress shirt, dress pants, and a tux jacket. You couldn’t help but think he was actually very hot in his clothing, and you also noticed him staring at your body.

You smirked. “See something you like, Barnes.”

Bucky looks up to your eyes quickly as he knows he’s caught and screws up his face. “Just surprised you can actually look like a lady.”

“Yeah?” You raised your eyebrows. “Well, fuck being a lady. You’re no gentleman either.” You shouldered him as you walked passed him.

He begrudgingly followed you out the door to the hire flashy car to take you to the party.

You both sat in a high tension silence until you arrived at the party.

It was a big mansion filled with fancy people. You don’t know why Tony couldn’t be sent for this. It’s basically his scene. The driver opened both of your doors and Bucky walked around to your side and offered his arm.

The charade is on and you both walk up the entry stairs and presented your faked invitations. The clerk nodded and opened the door for you both.

With your hand woven around Bucky’s arm, you both enter to see many people mingling and holding little champagne glasses of bubbly.

“I see our guy.” You say as you swipe a glass from a passing tray. A guy amongst the crowd people that stood out with his white hair was smiling and drinking while conversing.

“Okay,” Bucky said as you broke apart. The earpiece keeping you connected. “I’ll get behind him to stay near.”

“Approaching target.” You confirmed.

You put on your best salutary saunter over to him, holding your glass in your hand and doing your best to capture his eyes.

And it worked.

He spotted you on your way over to him and turned his attention to you.

“Why, hello there beautiful.” He looked down to you as you reached him, offering you a wide grin. His white hair almost blinded you as it shone it the lights.

“Hello, handsome.” You said in a low voice. You heard Bucky grunt at your words but you ignore him.

“I don’t recall ever meeting you. I know I would definitely remember you.” His eyes traveled down your body.

“Well,” You jutted out your hip and rested on it. “I guess that gives you the opportunity to get to know me all over again.” You ran your finger over his shoulder and gave him your best seductive smile.

You spent the next two hours with him, joined at his arm. Bucky followed close behind and monitored the whole situation while doing his best to blend in.

You managers to get the target pretty drunk, to the point where he kept running his hand down your back to your backside.

He leans down and whispers in your ear: “Why don’t we take this somewhere more private, so I can get to know you much better.”

Inside you were cringing hard as his white hair tickled your skin.

You turned to look at him and gave him a smile. “Sure.” You agreed.

He immediately pulled you across the room and into a dark hallway that was isolated. You both could still hear the music from the party and people talking but he didn’t care as he slammed you against the wall and buried his head in your neck. You felt him growl against your skin as he tried to take off your dress but you distracted his hands by linking your hands together and pulled him closer.

You reached down to your thigh holster and pulled out the sedative to bring to his neck. You were about to puncture his skin when someone yelled.

“Hey! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” You both pulled apart and you quickly hid the sedative in between your breasts.

“What?” You pushed the target away from you and you frowned at Bucky.

“What the hell are you doing with him right now?” Bucky stormed up to both of you, absolutely fuming.

“Is this you’re boyfriend?” The target asked. He raised his arms in defense as Bucky glared at him.

“Beat it old man.” He snarled and the target didn’t argue and ran.

“Um, what the fuck are you doing?” You asked him, your head was full of confusion.

“You weren’t listening to anything I was saying.” Bucky pointed down to you.

“Are you serious that dictating that you think I’m gonna listen to every word you say when I have to target literally on me? I couldn’t even hear you.” You snapped back.

Bucky grumbled something under his breath and grabbed you by the arm, dragging you out of the mansion and to the car. When you got back to the hotel, he dragged you all the way back up to the room.

Bucky opens the door and throws his grip on your arm into the room before him. You stumble in your heels into the room, catching your balance and turning around to glare at him.

“What the fuck, James?” You growl.

“You wanna act like a brat. I’ll fucking treat you like a brat.” He slammed the door shut and turned to you with a dark look in his eyes. “When are you going to stop?”

“You’re the reason I fucking started to begin with! You ruined the mission!” You said with irritation. “And there’s no way I’m acting like a brat.”

“Maybe I should fuck the brat out of you.” Bucky stepped forward, loosening his tie.

You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “I’d like to see you try.”

A dark smirk dawned his face as he stepped closer to you, your body just centimeters away from his, but your stubbornness didn’t falter.

“You’ve got a big mouth for such a small girl.” He said looking down at you.

You screwed your face up and went to swear at him but he cut you off before he could. His lips smashed into yours with an unloving and rough pace. His hands grasp a firm grip on your forearms, pulling you against him and his lips mold to yours.

You’re shocked as your body stiffens at his actions, but you wake up and you start to resist his antics. You squirm yourself out of his grip and push him away from you.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Your voice is evident with shock. Your eyes are wide as he goes to approach you again.

“You said you’d like to see me try and fuck the brat out of you.” He says with a shrug. “Maybe you shouldn’t open your mouth if you can’t handle it.”

You raise your brows. “Oh, you think I can’t handle you?”

“That’s what you’re telling me right now.” He says with a smirk.

“Fuck you.” You pull him back to you by the back of his neck, his lips smashing against yours once again.

You start to pash him roughly as he did before, you can feel his teeth against you and his hand’s wind around your waist. His hands are firm against your body and pulling you flush against him.

He pulls back for a second. “I don’t think you could fuck me good enough.” He says with a first smirk.

He was trying to aggravate you. And it was working.

“You wanna bet?”

“Don’t bet,” he pushed you against the wall, slamming your back into it. “Prove it.”

You pushed him back and turned around, pushing his shoulders into the wall this time.

“Afraid I’ll fuck you better than you could fuck me?” You smirked, looking up at him and running your hand down his hip and almost touching his length before he growled and grasped arms again.

This time he slammed you into the wall with your chest against it and your arms behind you back and his mouth against your ear.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk out of here tomorrow.” His voice was husky and low in your ear, promising to dick you down all night.

He pushed his pelvis against your ass and you felt his hard length. He was big, really big.

You moan at the thought of him inside you.

“You feel what you did to me?” He whispered on your ear, grinding his hips into your backside. “You in this fucking dress all night, thinking it’s funny to play around all night when you should be working. I should fucking punish you.”

“God, yes.” You moan out and push back against the roll of his hips.

“I’m going to nail you into the mattress.” He groans and your ass moves against his clothes cock.

You sigh in frustration, the dry grinding no more arousing you than annoying you now. “Just shut up and fuck me.”

At your words, Bucky lets out an animalistic growl. His hand wraps around you and grabs the front of your throat, twirls you around to stand in front of him away from the wall and launches you onto the bed with force.

You squeal and bounce as you hit the bed. You watch as Bucky stalks towards, ripping his tie and jacket off his bulked body and tossing them to the floor.

The action sends waves of arousal to your core and the look in his eyes is primal.

He kneels on the bed and grabs your ankles.

He runs his hands up the length of your legs resting at your hips. Hooking his fingers under the band of your thong, he pulls it over your hips and down your legs, groaning at the sight of your glistening pussy.

He pulls them around your heels and flings them across the room before he grasps your ankles again and pulls you to lie flat on your back.

“Your so wet already.” His husky voice rumbles as he pulls your knees to bend over his shoulders.

You gasp out as his mouth latches onto your core, lapping at your soaking folds fast.

You lean up on your elbows and pull the slit of your dress aside to see his mouth buried in your cunt, his blue piercing eyes looking into yours as he eats what you give.

“Fuck yes,” you throw your head back as his tongue circles around your clit. You reach down and push him closer by the back of his head and grind your hips against his mouth. “Go faster.”

He growls but meets your demands as his tongue swirls around your clit at record speed, making you gasp and your hips stutter.

“Oh my god, Buck.” You breathe out. You can feel his flesh hand circling your entrance, excitement kicking in and you pull him closer with your legs.

Your movements annoyed him. He detached his mouth from your cunt and sat up.

“How are you annoying even when I’m trying to fuck you?” Buck glared at you, his mouth wet with your arousal.

“Trying to fuck me?” You scoffed. “You’re going too slow, when are you actually going to get to fucking me?”

Bucky growls at your words and grabs the top of the slit of your dress and rips upwards.

You gasp and glare at him. “Do you know how much that fucking dress costs?”

“I don’t give a fuck.” He snarls and rips it off your body.

“You fucking-“

“Shut up.” He crushed your lips against hi as his hands rush to pull off all of your clothing.

You feel his hands everywhere. You start to feel dizzy as you run your hands over his broad back. You need to feel his skin against yours and you claw at his shirt, trying to pull it off of him.

Bucky moves his lips from yours to your jaw and to travel down your body to stop at your chest. His lips wrap around your nipple as he balances his weight just above you and unbuttons his shirt, pulling it off his shoulders.

You moan as his hot skin lays against yours. Bucky’s hand reaches up to cup your breasts in his hands as he sucks on your nipples.

“Gosh,” You sigh, running your fingers through his hair.

He lets go of your breasts and kisses back up your throat and captures your lips again.

Bucky’s hips start to grind into your bare core, the fabric of his dress pants is rough against your folds. You groan out in pain and pleasure. His length is rock hard and very prominent against you.

Your hand travels down his body to his fly and belt. Your fingers fumble to undo his pants, Bucky disconnects your lips to rest his forehead against yours and look down at your hands undoing his pants.

You get the belt off and unzip his pants, using your feet to push them down with his briefs to his ankles.

He reaches down to grasp his length, pumping it a few times before thrusting straight into your wet core.

You moan in shock as his cock enters you. He immediately feels you contracting around him and it makes him groan.

You walls flutter as he sets a strong pace, pounding you into the mattress like he promised you.

“Fuuuuuck, Bucky.” You whine shakily as your body bounces up and down on the bed.

“You take me so well. Fucking hell.” He growls as he feels you clench with a groan of your own.

You wrap your legs around his waist, your thighs clenching at his hips. “Harder.”

Bucky makes good on your demands and pulls back to slam into you harder.

Your skin slapping against his echoes through the room and you can’t help but grunt each time he thrusts into you.

“Oh my god.” You pant as his length repeatedly jams at your g-spot. “I’m gonna fucking come.”

“Come on my cock.” Bucky grunts. “Come on, June.”

At his words, your hips begin to stutter as you feel yourself let go to his cock. You can’t help the loud and long moan that leaves your mouth as you grip his shoulders, trying to calm your body of your tremors. Your orgasm rips through you and Bucky can feel you clench down on his like a vice. Your warm and wet walls quivering but holding their grip on you, triggering his orgasm and he spills into you.

You sigh out at the feel of his cum releasing inside of you. He stills his hips against you and throws back his head, releasing a roar as his orgasm rips through his body, before collapsing on top of you.

The weight of him took the breath out of you so you push him off to roll onto the small space next to you. Both of you panting and a thin layer of sweat glistened over both of your bodies.

“I don’t think you fucked the brat out of me,” You said between breaths. “But I haven’t had a good dick down in a while.”

Bucky turned his head to look at you. “You think I’m done with you.”

You looked at him and frowned.

Bucky smirked and grabbed you roughly and pulled you on top of him, his length hard between your legs once again.

“You’re gonna ride me until I tell you to stop.” His words rumbled through his chest before pulling you into another hard kiss.

Your body was completely spent as you lay completely naked on the bed. Bucky leaned on his elbow across the bottom of the bed at your feet.

You both had gone three more times. The sheets had been ripped off the corners and the covers had been pushed to the floor.

You stretched out your legs, pointing your toes. The tip of your toes grazed Bucky’s arm. You looked down and traces along his soft skin with your toes. Bucky grasps your foot as it tickles him and brings the tops of your toes to his mouth, press a soft kiss amongst them.

A small smile graced your lips as you felt him caress your ankle, his hand traveling up your leg. You felt eh bed shift and he got onto all fours and climbed up the length of your body again to rest next to you and look at you.

“Hi.” He says with a smile.

“Hi.” You return his smile.

“You think I fucked the brat out of you now?” He asks and wiggles his eyebrows.

You sigh dramatically as you pretend to think. You felt no more irritation towards him. His face no longer annoyed you because it could, you honestly just felt like you were much more content. “Yeah, yeah I think you did.” You gave him a soft small smile.

“Good.” He leans down and kisses your forehead before gathering you up to lay on his chest and wrapped in his arms.

“You’re so small.” He mumbled against your hair.

“You’re so warm.” You mumbled back and you nuzzled into his chest, closing your eyes readying for a night of much better sleep than last night.

Natasha was right, you two just needed to fuck. And fuck hard you did.

#bucky barnes x reader #because it is!#bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x reader x angst #bucky barnes x reader fluff #avengers x reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader smut #bucky barnes x fem!reader angst #enemies to lovers #fuck buddies #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes smut oneshot

1K notes · View notes

eleanorbloom · 4 years

Text

[OH] When You’re Ready Ch. 03

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything of the Open Heart World. The name Eleanor Bloom and her story was created by me, though.

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.8k

Warning: Angst, adult language, and smut.

Summary: Bryce has decided to let go of Eleanor because she’s in love with Ethan Ramsey. But a turn in her relationship with the attending might change Bryce's plans.

A/N: Thank you so much for all your kind words and your support.

I have the urge to remind you all that English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes. As a perfectionist, I’ve been having a hard time trying to make this fic the more comprehensible as it can be. I know my English doesn’t suck, that your people understand what I write (lol) but I’m sure there are some idioms or, I don’t know, the order of the words that may seem off, and I can't help but feel bad about it. Just know that this happens because I’m a Spanish speaker trying to write a fanfic in English.

That’ll be all. Lots of love to my readers

Let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist! :)

Taglist: @utterlyinevitable @binny1985 @laiba-the-person @choicesficwriterscreations @shanzay44

______

Chapter Three: All I Ask.

It matters how this ends

‘Cause what if I never love again?

Eleanor walked into the locker room feeling her heart in her throat, a knot threatening to make her explode with rage and bitterness once again. When she reached for her locker, she found Sienna already fully dressed to leave Edenbrook.

“Oh my god, Ellie, are you okay?!” Sienna inquired as she perceived the mortified expression on her face.

“I’m not”

“What happened? Did you… Did you speak with Dr. Ramsey?”

“I did”

“And?”

Eleanor couldn’t help but let a few tears stream down her face, but she managed to avoid the sob.

“He’s going to the Amazon with the WHO”

“What?! Oh my god, that’s big”

"And he’s leaving tomorrow”

“Oh no. Ellie, I’m so sorry ”

Suddenly, all traces of sadness and rage disappeared from her. She wiped the tears off her face and cleared her throat.

“Don’t be. Let’s get outta here, I need a drink”

"Okay, I’ll text the others to meet at Donahue’s”

Sienna eyed Eleanor with concern. She wanted to tell her to stop suppressing her feelings, to stop pretending she didn’t care, but she preferred to keep it quiet, hoping that at some point she would explode and let everything out. Because she had spent all those weeks pretending that she didn’t care, that it didn’t hurt to ignore Ramsey, that it didn’t hurt that he didn’t care that she was ignoring him. Nearly five months of pent-up emotions.

An hour later, Eleanor was at Donahue’s with Bryce and her new best friend, the vodka. Elijah was with Phoebe choosing a few songs on the jukebox to dance to; Sienna was with Danny and other nurses playing darts and Jackie and Rafael were deep in conversation at the bar. Bryce had noticed her mood but didn’t want to ask her directly, since he guessed who was responsible. Instead, he preferred to join her to drink, without judging that she was almost drinking the entire bottle of vodka by herself without any coyness, although he was willing to make her stop when it became dangerous for her health.

Suddenly, Eleanor’s face sparkled with fury. Bryce turned to check the source of her discomfort, knowing perfectly well who it was. Ethan was at the bar talking to Reggie as he took a seat.

“You’re so predictable, Ethan Ramsey"—She muttered as she took the shot of vodka in one sip—"I bet he’ll have a couple of shots, waiting for the moment when I’m alone, and if doesn’t find me alone he’ll just switch to some non-alcohol drink because he will have to wait for me until I decide to go home. All that wait just to cry apologies for something he didn’t want to say, but said anyway”

Bryce smirked as he heard her rant.

"Do you want me to leave you alone so you can talk to him?”

“No! No, please, I don’t want to make it that easy for him. I want to see what he’s capable of. If he’s just going to be a shitty wary that’s going to expect to find me alone, or if he’s able to get right up to me. Please don’t leave me alone, Bryce.

“Don’t worry, Elle, I won’t leave you alone if that’s what you want”

“Thank you, Bryce. You are the best”

“I know I am. Cheers for that”

They clanged their glasses and took another shot.

“Why are you so mad, by the way?”

Eleanor told him their talk with the details that only a drunk and upset person can do it.

“So, he’s leaving then? And he didn’t even tell you?”

“No. He didn’t want to tell me”

“Oof, what a douche. Hun, why do you let him treat you like this?”

“I don't know. I don’t know why I have allowed this torment for so long. But I got tired. I don’t care anymore. If he stays, if he goes. I don’t know why should I care when he has never cared for how bad I’ve been all this time”

Bryce looked at her with a sad expression. He hated to see Eleanor that way. Crying, hopeless. Suffering. He took her hand tenderly.

“Eleanor, I’m so sorry”—He said, caressing the back of her hand—“You don’t deserve anything you’re going through. It’s okay to be angry, you can’t allow him to treat you like that”

“I know”—She replied in a tiny voice.

“And you can’t keep wasting your time with someone who doesn’t value you, Elle. He may love you, but if he really valued you, he wouldn’t treat you like that. He wouldn’t let you suffer like that”

Bryce stroked her cheek, looking right into her tear-filled eyes.

“You’re right, Bryce"—She stared right into his eyes without looking away, then wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“You deserve the world, Eleanor”

She couldn’t help but give him a big smile as her cheeks flushed.

Then she turned her gaze to the bar and realized that Ethan was with a tense posture making glances toward their table. Seeing Eleanor cry and be comforted by Bryce surely challenged his nerves more than he was willing to admit.

About fifteen minutes later, her friends began to return to the table to start the Karaoke session. They had fun with some of their favorite songs and other classics requested by other clients. Then was Eleanor’s turn to sing a song. She felt a twist on her stomach.

“Eleanor, it’s your turn, what did you request?”

“All I Ask”—She replied to Elijah, simply.

Everyone at the table stared at her.

"Eleanor…"—Bryce whispered—"Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I’m done hiding my feelings, pretending he didn’t hurt me just to make him feel the less uncomfortable”

The melody began to play, and Eleanor already felt her heart shatter without even having started the first line. Her friends stared at her for a few moments and then looked away at the awkward situation that was coming.

“I will leave my heart at the door

I won’t say a word

They’ve all been said before, you know”

Eleanor was heartbroken and drunk, and practically putting on a show in front of all Donahue’s, but deep down her friends knew that that was what Eleanor needed right now, to release all her feelings in front of Ethan, though not directly. Because Eleanor had been holding back all these months, resisting love, the desire to be with Ethan, resisting the urge to stand in his office or his home and ask him once again to stop pushing her away and to be together once and for all, more times than she had already done. She had swallowed the love, the pride, the pain in inhuman ways. But what had happened today was the culmination of too many repressed feelings, and if her way of finding catharsis was through the saddest, cheesiest, and most heartbreaking song Adele had ever written, then so be it.

“So why don’t we just play pretend

Like we’re not scared of what is coming next

Or scared of having nothing left”

Eleanor took all the courage she had and turned her gaze to Ethan, who was staring at her with the most mortifying look she had ever seen on him, and she had seen plenty: When Dolores passed away, when he found out Banerji had a month to live. He was not holding anything, the pain, the guilt, the embarrassment.

“Look, don't get me wrong

I know there is no tomorrow

All I ask is

If this is my last night with you

Hold me like I’m more than just a friend

Give me a memory I can use

Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do

It matters how this ends

‘Cause what if I never love again?”

At least Eleanor had a very good voice to sing the songs of Adele, so she wasn’t embarrassing herself too badly. Of course, she was not as good as Adele herself but made a few good notes, and the alcohol had given her too much courage to go for the high pitches, and the anger gave her too much feeling to sing with such a passion, that she astonished to all her friends. She was actually killing it.

-"I don’t need your honesty

It’s already in your eyes

And I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me

No one knows me like you do

Eleanor looked directly at Ethan again.

And since you’re the only one that mattered

Tell me who do I run to?"

The words came out with such rage from her core, that Ethan felt as if she had said it a few inches from him, and not indirectly through a song and standing several feet away from him. And he felt every one of her words, every look, every drop of anger and sadness. He acknowledged receipt of all this and accepted his responsibility. He felt broken at the sight of her because he wanted to do so much to ease her pain. But he couldn’t.

After the song was over, Eleanor returned to her place with tears on her face but not one iota of embarrassment.

“Eleanor, that was truly beautiful”—Sienna said, tears on her face too—"Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling better, I think it took a lot of weight off my shoulders”

“That is the important thing”

“You were very brave”—Bryce said caressing her back.

“Guys, I just ridiculed myself in front of the whole bar and you guys are treating me like I’ve won a war”

“You did something for yourself that you should have done months ago. Show how you really feel”—Sienna replied, serious.

“Well…”

“We are proud of you, Eleanor”— Elijah added.

“It’s about damn time you take care of yourself and don’t let Ramsey do whatever the fuck he wants”—Continued Jackie.

“Even if that means to sing a sad song in front of him”—Concluded Sienna.

After that, Eleanor was in a better mood and managed to distract herself from all she had been through that day. However, the presence of Ethan, sitting there at the bar, probably waiting for her, was a latent nuisance in her stomach.

A few hours later, Eleanor and her friends decided to go home. The moment she passed by his side, Ethan got up from his seat and walked towards her.

“Rookie”.

His disposition had changed from hell to heaven. She was no longer Dr. Bloom. She was Rookie again.

“What is it, Dr. Ramsey?”

Ethan looked at her sadly at the coldness in her response.

“Can we talk?”

Eleanor looked away to the floor, anger washing over her again. Then she looked back at him, who was waiting for her answer with pleading eyes.

“About what? I’m going home”

“I know … I-“

“I’ve been here the last four hours, I’m sure you could’ve looked for me in all this time… But obviously you waited for me to want to go home to do it?”

Ethan knew she was berating him. She shook her head.

“I was hoping you weren’t such a coward and would look for me directly. But you behave like a shy teenager who has never spoken to a woman in his life”

“Eleanor, are you coming?”—Jackie asked.

Her friends were at the door, first-hand witnesses of her exchange with Ethan.

“No, I stay. Don’t worry about me”

Eleanor looked at Ramsey coldly. They took a seat in the back of the bar so no one could hear them.

“So? I thought we were done”—She broke the silence between them.

“No, we are not done, Eleanor”

Ethan lowed her head, pondering his words.

“If… If I didn’t tell you about my trip to the Amazon, was because I wanted to make things less difficult for us. The last time we spoke I made myself clear that we can’t be together not because I don’t want to, but because we can’t. And when I noticed you started to avoid me, I thought maybe you finally understood my point, and I was okay with that”

“Then why you threw all over my face that I was ignoring you, like you weren’t okay with that?”

“Because I realized that you didn��t do it because you understood my point. You did it to piss me off. To return the favor. As vengeance. So, if you did actually ignore me with that motive in mind, you didn’t have the right to reclaim something from me”

“I…”—Her cheeks turned red.

“That’s not the point now, Eleanor”—He interrupted—"What I’m trying to say is… You can’t stop saying that everything I’ve done it’s because I want it, that I’m responsible of all your misery. But let me be clear. I don’t want it, Eleanor. I don’t want to be apart from you, I don’t want to ignore you. I’ve never wanted to spend the last five months ignoring your existence, not be able to talk to you, not to even look at you”

Eleanor observed his features, tracing all sense of honesty and determination. She knew he wasn’t lying or playing the victim.

“I’m not comfortable with this”—He continued—"I’m not okay with that but if that’s what allows me to be away from you to not interfere in your career, I’m willing to do that and more. I know it’s painful for you, that it’s not the best option for both of us. But this is the only way I can cope up with the situation”

“The only way… Ethan, are you sure not talking to me, not even looking at me the is the only option?”

“To me, it is”—He responded categorically—Eleanor, what I want is to be with you. If I could, I would’ve never let you leave my bed the first time we made love, or I would’ve never get up from your bed the last time we were together. If I could, I would live in that dream all my life. But I can’t”

Tears started to stream down her face. Again. His words broke her in million pieces. Because she couldn’t stop reliving those nights in all these months. Now she was realizing Ethan couldn’t either.

“I need you to understand that I’ve never wanted to hurt you. If my actions have hurt you, I’m sorry, but I mean it when I say I’ve never wanted anything of this to happen. I would love to make you happy in the ways you want. Believe me. But you have fought so hard to be here, Eleanor. Years to get to be at Edenbrook. Years and especially difficult months to get the Junior Fellow position. I can’t let you jeopardize your career nor your reputation”

Eleanor was speechless. She felt dumb, like a stupid teenager that let herself go on emotions and never thought through the real meaning of all his actions. She still felt a little pissed off, because there were still a lot of things Ethan should have avoided telling her and that were mean. But everything else he had done was… reasonable. Fair. Thoughtful.

“Ethan… I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. I feel embarrassed about how childish I was today”

“No, Eleanor. I still believe that you have every right to be mad at me because I didn’t tell you I would be out. I always knew I should’ve told you, but I was afraid. I’m a coward as you said. I didn’t want to face this conversation. Your pain. But you deserved more”

Eleanor nod.

“Well, yeah. You should’ve told me. But I made an outburst. I didn’t want to listen to you, I was being stubborn just to get what I want, but maybe I’ve never really put myself in your shoes”

“That’s all I ask. To understand why I’m doing this from my point of view”

Suddenly, Reggie approaches.

“Ethan, I’m sorry, but we are about to close”

“Thank you, Reggie”

Eleanor grabbed her purse and walked to the door followed by Ethan.

Eleanor turned to him.

“I believe you when you tell me you’ve never wanted to hurt me by staying away from me. But there have been plenty of times when you have hurt me by behaving like a dick to me, unnecessarily. Because one thing is avoiding to talk to me, but you have ignored me, you have been cruel, you have looked at me like you hate me”

“Yes. I know. I hope you can forgive me one day”

“I could forgive you, but I’ll only do it when I feel assured that you won’t do it again and I think there’s not enough time for that now”

Ethan stared without saying a word. He knew he couldn’t promise her that. He knew himself.

“Well, I think you can go in peace now that we have left everything clear, don’t we? Have a nice flight, I hope the mission is a success and you return safely. Bye”

Eleanor started to walk down the street to get a taxi.

“Why are you leaving like that? You’re not even going to say goodbye?”

“I said bye. That’s a goodbye. Or was it too informal? Goodbye Dr. Ramsey. There you have”

Ethan took her arm, forcing her to look into his eyes. Hers were reddened, tired, anguished. Like she was holding a ton of pain on her mind.

“Eleanor…”

“What, Ethan, what?“—She answered as her voice was breaking. She didn’t want him to go. But she had to let him go. To let that goodbye lingering more than necessary would only do her more harm than it had already done her.

“Let me take you home”

No. She would lose her mind if she let that happen. But she wanted it so bad.

“You were drinking”

“I drank whiskey when I arrived, after that, just lemonade, because I figured I’d have to wait until the end of the night to talk to you”

She wanted so bad to be with him as much time as possible. But she was trying to respect Ethan's intentions. But… He was leaving tomorrow. That was the last time she would see him in god knows how much time.

“Okay, let's go”—She agreed.

They walked silently back to the hospital, where Ethan had his car parked. The journey was silent. Ethan didn’t even dare to turn on the radio. They were only accompanied by the noise of the engine and other vehicles traveling through the streets of Boston at 3 am.

Eleanor wanted to say so many things, but it would make everything worse. So she lost herself in the smell of his car. Every time she sensed that smell on someone’s car o in any place, it reminded her of him.

She had always had a particularly olfactory memory, and although most of the time it brought her good memories of her childhood or adolescence, in terms of relationships it always brought her bittersweet memories, melancholy, regret.

She knew that smell—The smell of Ethan’s car, a scent of pine and musk—, or his smell — a fresh citric scent—would only bring her pain.

Ethan parked outside the apartment. The street was lonely, no one could be seen in the distance, and the only sound was the murmur of cars passing by the main avenue. A lump wove in her throat. She was afraid.

Eleanor turned to him to say goodbye. She wanted to make it simple. She could swear that she wanted to make it simple.

“Have a good trip, Ethan, I hope you get back safely”—She spoke softly as she hugged him.

"Thank you, Eleanor”

“Text me to know that you arrived safely, please”—Eleanor asked, looking straight into his eyes. Those sky-blue eyes that were always the beginning of all her madness.

Ethan caressed the nape of her neck with his thumb and then he closed his eyes while pressing his forehead into hers, trying to absorb all her presence, the silkiness of her hair, the sweet scent of her neck, the warmth of her skin, of her hands. Before Eleanor could pull away, he sighed:

“I hope one day you finally understand that everything I’ve done, everything I’m doing, is for you. Because it's never been about me, Eleanor. The only thing that matters to me is that you become the brilliant and successful doctor you really deserve to be”

There were so much sincerity and pain in his speech that Eleanor pulled away from him so she could see his eyes. She stroked his cheek.

“I know, in a way I understand it, Ethan… But I can’t accept that path has to be this painful… And so unfair”

“Life isn’t fair, Eleanor”

Eleanor wanted to refute him that in this case, life had nothing to do with it. Because life wasn’t being unfair to her. He was being unfair. But she was unable to say a word. She was mesmerized by Ethan’s look. His eyes that so many times had given her comfort, now they haunted her dreams, they didn’t let her sleep at night, and at that precise moment, was threatening the little sanity she had left.

After a few moments, they began to look at their lips, mere inches away from each other, until they finally gave in to the inevitable. A brush of lips so satisfying and full of redemption that they sighed in unison, to come together again in a more intense kiss, capturing and biting each other lips. Ethan felt Eleanor’s tears stream down his cheeks. To alleviate her own pain and avoid a sob, Eleanor stroked Ethan’s hair tightly in the back of his head, intensifying the kiss even more, sliding her tongue in his, and all over his lips.

Ethan didn’t have time to hesitate and was caught up by the same desire. Soon, he was sliding his hands under Eleanor’s coat, feeling the curve of her breasts, her waist, and her hips. It was a never-ending dance of lips, which was complemented by more caresses, and then Eleanor climbing on top of Ethan, straddling him with her legs.

On another occasion, she would have pulled herself together and walked away. But knowing that she wouldn’t see him again for a long time, it drove her crazy. And maybe not for a long time, but there was always the possibility that this would be the last time they would be together, that both of them would want each other. Because no one could foretell what would happen from now on, when both he and she had finally accepted that their relationship had reached a dead end and that it was up to Ethan to revive it, and he had been clear that that wouldn’t happen.

“Eleanor…”—He sighed, a glint of reluctancy in his tone. He gulped.

She ignored him and continued to kiss him passionately, as she began to move over Ethan’s lap gently.

"Deny that you want this"—She whispered a moments later—"Say that you don’t want me and I swear I’ll go”

Eleanor pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. It was dark, but she was able to see the sparkle in his eyes slightly. Eleanor’s anticipation was stifling as she felt Ethan’s bulge between her tights.

“I want you more than anything in this world”—He replied melting at the sight of her on top of him, his arms around her body.

Without wasting another second, she kissed him again, intensifying her movements over him.

“Eleanor"—He gasped, feeling an electric shock down his spine as he rested his hand over Eleanor's hips, pressing her against his crotch, rubbing each other as their moans began to invade the car.

Suddenly, Eleanor slid her hand between his tights, feeling his arousal under her fingers. He went to her pants, unbuttoned them, and shoved his hand under her panties. He felt her wetness, her desire. She sighed.

“Ohh, Ethan…”

“You’re so ready”

“Yes” She mumbled.

Ethan tried to lower her pants, but he couldn’t do much, due to the uncomfortable position. For a second, Eleanor thought they could have gone to her room but abandoned the idea immediately. She knew that Ethan could have second thoughts on their way to her apartment and she didn’t want to risk the possibility to be with him.

Instead, she returned to the passenger seat, took off her shoes, and after moving the seat backward, took off her pants and panties. Ethan imitated her and pushed the seat backward as well and began to unfasten his pants. Eleanor, anxious, unhooked his belt and pants before he could finish, and released his cock under the boxer, and lowered herself to slide her tongue in all his length, to finally cover the tip with his mouth and then go deep. After a few moments, she moved upwards, sucking him hard.

“Eleanor”—He sighed in pleasure.

The girl worked on him for a few moments, until Ethan stopped her and guided her to sit on his lap again. “Come here”

They kissed again, devouring each other, Ethan grazing her jaw, her neck greedily, while she was gasping loudly as the anticipation was taking her body, feeling his arousal right under her sex. Then he removed her sweater and pulled her shirt and bra up, exposing his breasts. He cupped them with both hands before taking his mouth straight to her chest and began to kiss them… and then to suck her nipples.

"Ethan” Eleanor moaned loudly “Yes!”

The sound of his breath while licking her nipples and the “smack” after his mouth sucked them resonated in the car, and it was just another source of pleasure for Eleanor. But there was still something both were missing. Eleanor shifted slightly as she directed his arousal towards her center.

“Fuck”—She sighed as Ethan was entering her.

It was a blessed feeling, although neither of them believed in God, least of all in religion. That pleasure, that ecstasy, was a catharsis after all those months containing their deepest feelings and desires, after reliving almost every night the precious time they had spent together and that now were long gone.

“Oh, I missed you"—He groaned, taking her butt harder, as he was picking up more speed.

“Fuck yes. I wanted you so bad”—She kissed him, tongues colliding, teeth biting and swollen lips asking for more and more.

“You feel amazing, Eleanor”

The noise of their bodies colliding filled the car, but they were soon muffled with the moans that each one was not able to suppress, in the face of the sensations that were overwhelming them.

If someone was passing by and they had caught them, they wouldn’t have cared. All that mattered at that moment, was the feeling of their bodies connected. The pleasure that one was producing in the other. The ecstasy, the madness of their touch. The smell of their bodies. Ethan went to her breasts taking one with her hand, sucking her nipples hard while the other hand was on her ass, gripping her roughly.

“Ethan, I’m close”

Ethan was holding back just to this moment. He grabbed her firmly by her hips and began to thrust her at an impossible pace. Eleanor couldn’t comprehend where all that sensations were coming from, how she started to melting so abruptly, because she climaxed just a few seconds later.

“Oh my god, ETHAN!”—She screamed as he felt her hot breath in his mouth. Her tights squeezed as she was climaxing and that was enough to make him cum crying out her name.

He saw Eleanor toppling over him resting her forehead into his. Ethan embraced her, trying to feel every inch of her exposed skin in his.

“I love you”—She whispered.

He tightened his embrace, just as he did the last time she had said those words, and Eleanor still couldn’t figure out if he did that to pent up and not say anything, or to catch some bravery to tell her something. Either way, she wasn’t waiting for an answer this time. She only wanted him to know, before leaving, that she still loved him.

After a few more seconds holding each other, Eleanor returned to the passenger seat. She took her clothes and began to put them on. He also fixed his clothes. Somehow, when she came back to reality, the atmosphere was just as tense and painful as before the kiss. Even though the orgasm was still latent between her tights, the fact of knowing that the goodbye had finally come, was shattering her.

She turned to him, look into his blue eyes for a brief second, and breathed:

“Have a good flight ”

And without further ado, she got out of the car towards the building.

“I love you too, Eleanor”—He said just as Eleanor closed the building’s door.

_____

Chapter 4.

37 notes · View notes

janiedean · 6 years

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Grrr you're bad because I say so and I send you evil things on anon now gimme the Bruce

OKAY THEN SURE, as I have ranted about it that time I did The Price You Pay and I think we can’t go ahead that much with this Series Of Analyses if we don’t deal with The Following, I present you…

youtube

The Promised Land is song number six on Darkness on the Edge of Town, Bruce’s fourth record, the Infamous Darker Record Than Born To Run Which Is A Total Masterpiece and where you could start to see the pessimism show up. Staple of his live shows and of 80% of his themes when it comes to redemption, this Is One Of Bruce’s Most Definitive Songs and therefore you need to be aware of it if you want to Understand Bruce.

Therefore, we can start right with that amazing harmonica opening that brings us right into the action and opens with a bang - count that in the record it comes immediately after Racing in the Street ie a slower, sadder song about two people failing to achieve their american dream, so this sounds like a total kick, after.

Also, I admittedly can’t stop about how some idiot on jezebel once said this song was MISOGYNIST BECAUSE ONLY MEN GET TO THE PROMISED LAND so sorry I’ll have a go at it. Ready?

On a rattlesnake speedway in the Utah desert I pick up my money and head back into town Driving cross the Waynesboro county line I got the radio on and I’m just killing time Working all day in my daddy’s garage Driving all night, chasing some mirage Pretty soon little girl I’m gonna take charge.

So: first-person narrator - not unusual, as we’ve seen. This guy is driving a car (again: key Bruce imagery) on a speeday (highway which usually always = freedom in Bruce songs), going back into town through the Utah desert, which suggests he lives there and in a small town, and from what I know about Utah, a small town in there is exactly the kind of place a guy might want to leave if he doesn’t like it/feels constricted in his role.

Again, he’s killing time with the radio on (so he wastes a lot of time doing nothing) and he works all day in his daddy’s garage so he’s taking over his father’s job and doesn’t want to (like the guy from Adam raised a Cain to about most other people in Bruce songs same as he might have if he hadn’t become a musicians even if he hated his father’s job) and then he chases some mirage driving all night, which means he hates his life, hates his job, has a dream to get out and lives a life he doesn’t feel satisfied in.

But, differently from a lot of Bruce narrators, he wants to take charge and (same as a lot of Bruce narrators) he’s talking to a girl he likes trying to convince her of that (same as Thunder Road):

The dogs on main street howl, ‘cause they understand, If I could take one moment into my hands Mister, I ain’t a boy, no, I’m a man, And I believe in a promised land.

We can assume that Main Street is the main road in his town, which is full of dogs howling (= suffering) because they don’t understand (what? Him? His life? His desires? Are we talking about dogs or the people living with him who don’t get that he needs to be out? Maybe so), and if he could take one moment into his hands then he could have one moment of being in control of his life and bust out of there, implying he hasn’t had it until now.

Now, again, he’s talking to a mister (like the guy in The River), so presumably someone higher class than he is, and he says that he’s a man (ie a grown man, not a **man** as the jezebel person thought lmao) rather than a boy who still buys into fairytales, which should give us the context that he assumes the listener would make fun of him, for -

Believing in a promised land, which in this case means believing in getting out of his town for a better life, but could be anything. All of us have a metaphorical promised land to go back to - and MIND THE BIBLICAL METAPHOR STRIKING AGAIN after Adam Raised a Cain - two songs in one record! (For now, lol.)

I’ve done my best to live the right way I get up every morning and go to work each day But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold Sometimes I feel so weak I just want to explode Explode and tear this town apart Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart Find somebody itching for something to start

So, we learn more about this guy: that he’s done his best to live the right way ie how people think is the appropriate way, going to every morning each day when he hates his job because that’s how he’s supposed to, and doing that one’s eyes go blind and blood runs cold, ie he can’t see anymore and he feels like he’s dying inside, to the point where he feels so weak he wants to explode, ie he has so much pent-up rage it’s not even funny, still because he’s boxed in a position he hates being in.

To the point that not only he wants to explode, he wants to also tear his town apart as he does for how much he hates it, but even worse, he wants to take a knife and cut his pain from his heart, which is an extremely graphic way of saying he wants his pain torn off him violently while finding someone itching for something to start, ie he wants to be with someone who doesn’t revel in routine and doing the same thing he hates all the time but who’s itching ie feeling pained same as him to bust out and find something better and close this chapter of his life.

Also: he really hates his fucking town, and again we have the refrain in which he reiterates the above sentiment, before the song slows slightly, goes into a sax solo that’s way more upbeat than what the text suggests, and then breaks out again in the fast harmonica solo from the beginning before bringing us to the conclusion that goes back to the usual tempo, which gives us a fair idea of how the protagonist feels in turmoil.

There’s a dark cloud rising from the desert floor I packed my bags and I’m heading straight into the storm Gonna be a twister to blow everything down That ain’t got the faith to stand its ground Blow away the dreams that tear you apart Blow away the dreams that break your heart Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted

Now: NATURE IMAGERY!

First thing: we have a dark cloud rising from the desert floor (not a good imagery if you think of the dust bowl/the dust storms from the great depression which is kind of what this is suggesting), and our guy is heading straight into the storm after packing his bags, which means that he’s willing to suffer through whatever is into the dark cloud as long as he walks out of it. And he’s heading STRAIGHT into it, which means he has no doubt about it whatsoever.

So, there’s going to be a twister blowing everything that doesn’t have the faith to stand its ground, ie that dark cloud will literally wipe out of the map everything/everyone who isn’t strong enough to stand up for themselves/what they want, so it’ll do away with his town, main street, the father’s garage and everyone who has resigned themselves to just stay there instead of going out looking for their dream.

And then we go into the advice: blow away the dreams that tear you apart as in ignore and do away with all the dreams that aren’t achievable and leave torn in two, but also the ones that break your heart ie the ones that will leave you sad and suffering because they can’t come true, and the lies that leave you nothing but lost and broken hearted, which means that you also have to leave behind you every lie you’ve been told (you can’t have a job that’s not your father’s, you need to live in the town where you were born, you’ll never get out of here in his case at least) that leaves you lost ie without a place and broken hearted ie sad and suffering, and as you do that -

Then you can embrace that you’re a man who wants his promised land and believes in it 100% and who’ll do everything in his realistic power to obtain it. Do we know if he manages? No. Do we know if he even starts getting there? Not really. Do we know he tried? Yes. Has he given us great advice?

Yes, because that’s kind of pretty much what our guy did to get where he is/where he was at that point and that is relatable to all of us even if we don’t live in the Utah desert, but all of us have a promised land we want to reach and all of us might want to use every possible chance we have of getting it without the dreams that tear us apart and break our heart stopping us. And that’s why this Is A Staple Bruce Song and you can’t get him without it and that’s why all of us should try to follow the advice in the end, imvho, but what have you ;)

#bruce springsteen for ts #not my best analysis but then again TPL is self-explanatory #STILL #the other two I have are happening tomorrow :)#Anonymous #ask post #bruce meta

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pheuthe · 6 years

Note

Kiss prompt 'as comfort'. Coldflash (but maybe Leo/Barry?)

((thanks for the prompt :))

It starts with a six-year-old meta. She’s not the criminal they’re looking for, but she proves to be kind of volatile, so they can’t exactly let CCPD deal with her unless they want the whole precinct to go up in flames. (Harry is the only one who votes for letting the police deal with the kid anyway.)

“Can’t you just vibe what she saw that night?” Barry turns to Cisco, whose scowl is really an answer of its own, even without his quiet mumbling about how he used to like the shirt that the kid burned right off his back.

“We need someone who can get the kid to talk, preferably someone who can deal with metas so they won’t die,” Barry sighs, deciding to ignore Cisco’s Lost Shirt Tirade in the background. “Any guesses where we can find someone like that?”

It’s more of a rhetorical question designed to point out the helplessness of their situation, but Caitlin raises a tentative hand.

“I might know about someone. But you have to promise not to freak out?”

Barry silently throws his hands up in the air. He’s ready to find the meta melting people’s faces off - and maybe to get the little pyro into a healthier home environment - so he’ll try about anything.

...

He never thought that ‘anything’ would include the sight of Snart lounging around STAR Labs.

“Are you serious?” he hisses at Caitlin after dragging her off for ‘a word’. Caitlin, surprisingly, just shrugs.

“He’s our chance, Barry-”

“Was this Killer Frost’s idea? Some sort of cold-induced alliance maybe?”

Caitlin gives him A Look.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- but Snart?! How much better than us can a criminal be in dealing with kids?”

“One with a degree in psychotherapy? A lot better, I’d hope.”

That stops Barry short and he blinks, not truly comprehending Caitlin’s meaning until he realizes.

“Oh. He’s not our Snart, is he.”

“No,” Caitlin shakes her head, glancing towards Snart through the glass wall with a look that could only be explained as... fondness? Barry has sleep-sped into a different Earth, he’s sure of it. “He’s the one from Earth-X. He’s been in Central City for a couple of months now and... I think he’s a little bit lonely. He can help us, Barry, and maybe, we can help him.”

“You know a lot about this guy,” Barry says slowly. Caitlin doesn’t exactly blush, but she starts twining her fingers around, and Barry gasps. “You do know him!”

“Look, I just bumped into him one day at a bakery and... I thought he was casing the bank across the street, but it turned out he was just confused about their selection and... we started talking, and he’s a really nice guy, Barry, so please, don’t be weird?”

“Who’s weird? I’m not weird,” Barry huffs, and follows the Caitlin back to the main floor of the Cortex, to properly meet the man who looks like Barry’s nemesis.

...

He’s weird. Not Barry, thank you very much. But there’s just something not quite right about watching Leonard Snart - however he abbreviates his name - being nice. He gets their kid meta to talk within an hour and lets the kid curl up in his arms as she cries herself to sleep, not even complaining when he emerges out of that experience a little bit singed. He lets Caitlin put a salve on his burns and then agrees to watch over the kid, whose name turns out to be Abby and who now refuses to go anywhere until ‘Leo’ is there.

It takes a week for them to capture Laserblast (Barry doesn’t have the strength to even form an opinion on the name) and another to find a family who is willing to take Abby into foster care. The mother is a meta herself, although her abilities mostly include being able to accurately sense the temperature of anything - which will probably come in handy with Abby’s preferred way of dealing with anger or sadness. She cries when she says goodbye, and Barry would swear he sees Leo’s eyes go a bit misty as he waves back to the kid, but this is Snart, and Barry refuses to believe him capable of human emotion other than smugness.

Except... even he can’t deny that Leo is nothing like Len, aside from the occasional sarcastic comment. Within the two weeks the man spends at STAR Labs, Harry’s ratio of throwing things versus offering a civil reply goes way down, Cisco becomes much more likely to admit that he misses his girlfriend instead of just being a dick to everyone for no reason, and Barry actually walks into the Cortex one morning to find Leo sharing a bucket of ice-cream with Killer Frost and telling her something about icing people not being the best expression of love.

It’s undeniable that in his little ways, Leo Snart has transformed Team Flash for the better... except Barry still resents him and manages to tell himself it’s rational.

...

And then, one too many people die on Barry’s watch and he barrels into the Cortex, manic and wound up and angry at himself and the world at large. Both Cisco and Caitlin immediately glance at Snart and before Barry can finish yelling about how he doesn’t need a shrink, thank you very much, he needs a plan and tech that works the way it’s supposed to, he needs to be faster and stronger and smarter... before he says even half of that, Cisco and Caitlin clear out and Barry’s misdirected rage falls onto Snart’s head.

Leo just listens, damn him to the worst level of hell, calmly weathers the storm and lets Barry get it out of his system, and then he gets up and Barry thinks he’s going to yell back, sass him the way the real Snart would; but Leo just stops right in front of Barry, looks him in the eye... and then wraps his arms around him like that’s a thing they do.

Barry tenses immediately and tries to wriggle away, but Snart’s not letting go and Barry’s seen way too many people hurt today to try and use his powers against this very human jerk.

“Screw you,” he mumbles into the collar of Leo’s shirt. “I don’t need a shrink.”

It sounds petulant when spoken out loud, and Barry braces himself for the sarcastic quip that is sure to follow, but Leo’s voice comes out quiet and sad when he finally speaks.

“There’s more to who I am than just my degree, Barry. And I’m not going to tell you about the stages of grief or coping mechanisms right now. Take this from someone who’s seen way too many people die - no words can actually make it better. But you’re not a hero because you always win, you’re a hero because you can’t stand not to even try, and yes, some days, it won’t work and people will die. But that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough... and it doesn’t mean you can’t be upset when it happens.”

And yeah, the people who died are still dead and Barry still has no clue about how to beat this particular villain, but he lets himself melt into the surprisingly warm hug, buries his face in Leo’s shoulder and lets it all out.

Leo holds him through it, doesn’t say another word, just strokes Barry’s back and later, when the first quiet sobs escape, his hair. It’s not sadness as much as frustration, helplessness, and exhaustion, and Barry’s too damn tired at the moment to even feel embarrassed about it.

He expects to be teased the next day, but Leo just glances at him and nods almost imperceptibly, and somehow, Barry’s sure that the man will never mention it again.

...

“I don’t know what to do,” Barry sighs, rubbing both hands down his face. He hasn’t slept in three days, and he knows that neither did Leo, but somehow, he’s still sitting right there next to Barry, offering silent support.

Barry doesn’t come to the man for advice, not really; he’s got Cisco, Caitlin and Harry for figuring stuff out, fighting metas, catching criminals, and keeping as many people as he can alive and well. Occasionally, Leo does suggest a direction they haven’t thought about before, his past in what Cisco has dubbed the Rebel Alliance surfacing every once in a while in a helpful manner.

No, Barry doesn’t come to Leo for advice on how to fight. But there’s still something that keeps him coming back, some unspoken understanding between them, and Barry soon has to admit - even if only to himself - that Leo provides something that none of the others can.

A safe space in which Barry can be just himself, let all the anger and fear and frustration pour out without worrying that he’ll burden or hurt someone he cares about. Leo listens to Barry’s rants, and hugs him when they go on too long or when Barry starts consciously pouring salt into his own wounds. He lets Barry vent without letting him become self-destructive or doubtful about all the good he’s been doing, and Barry can’t even begin to voice how much he values that.

How much he’s needed that, for a long, long time, without even knowing it.

Eventually, he starts talking beyond the immediate crisis of the week. He never quite knew how much pent-up frustration and sadness there was in his thoughts about Iris until he lets it flood him, lets it pour out of his system in half-broken sentences and quiet sighs, the rejection, the weirdness, the way he’s missed her ever since, even though he recognizes that some distance will do them both good, in the long run. Maybe. And he learns that Leo’s been through the same thing with Ray; somehow, it’s more comforting than anything anyone has ever said to him when Leo just gives him a small smirk and holds him tighter, whispering about how some things just hurt for a long time until one day, they hurt a little less. They’re both raw and aching at the end of that talk, and Barry doesn’t even protest when he feels Leo’s lips against his temple for the briefest of moments - he just holds on a little tighter and enjoys the simple closeness.

...

It becomes a thing, afterwards; Leo will let him vent as usual, will take everything Barry throws at him and will hold him through it, and then, at the end, when Barry’s ready to let go, Leo will kiss his temple, or his forehead, and tell him to go take a nap before any more heroing. Sometimes, Barry takes that advice and sometimes he doesn’t, but he always walks away feeling... cleaner, lighter, like the world might not be as hopeless as it seemed a while ago.

Leo gets himself invited to the West Christmas party, and it turns out that Joe was actually the one to invite him first; Barry’s a little resentful about that, but he lets go of that when Leo starts loudly, jokingly analyzing his unhealthy competitiveness and monopolizing tendencies until Barry throws a candy cane at his head.

He’s laughing at Leo’s long-winded speech in favor of hot cocoa without marshmallows or any other ‘unnatural additions’ - which Barry is sure Leo is exaggerating because he knows Barry will never be amused at the man’s fastidiousness - when Iris suddenly appears right next to him, giving him that warm, knowing smile of hers that Barry used to love.

The thought is not exactly a surprise, but Barry wonders when was it exactly that he became capable of thinking ‘used to’ about anything regarding Iris.

She leans closer and clinks her eggnog against Barry’s cocoa, following his gaze to where Leo is trying his first snickerdoodle ever - looking distinctly more impressed than he was with the marshmallows. Barry smiles at the sight, and Iris laughs quietly at his side.

“I’m happy for you,” she says, and Barry blinks at her, confused.

“What?”

She doesn’t reply; instead, she tilts her head in the direction of the living room and smiles at him again, then trails off to join Linda by the fireplace. The sight of them will probably hurt for a few more years to come, but Barry’s gaze slides back to Leo and he wonders if maybe she’s on to something, with her weirdly accurate sixth sense.

Or maybe she doesn’t even need that: Leo turns then and his eyes meet Barry’s, and there’s such fondness in that gaze that Barry doesn’t get how he could’ve missed it before. And at the back of his mind, he knows he hasn’t missed it as much as they both needed to let this grow, this unspeakable, warm comfort between them, the trust and the caring and everything beautiful inbetween.

He catches Leo’s sleeve when everyone’s gone home or upstairs for the night. It’s just the two of them, in the dim light from the Christmas tree and the dying embers of the fireplace, and Barry almost wishes there was mistletoe he could blame if things go wrong, but Leo’s been right all along.

It’s not about winning all the time - it’s about not being able to stand not to try.

“Stay?” he whispers, and captures Leo’s lips in a gentle kiss. It’s returned almost immediately, Leo’s arms wrapping around Barry’s shoulders, familiar and warm and right, and Barry wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world.

He doesn’t remember Leo saying ‘yes’ - but when Iris bursts into Barry’s room the next morning, yelling about gifts, she promptly shuts the door again and thunders down the stairs, yelling, for a change, about how Joe owes her a twenty.

Barry rolls over and snuggles into Leo’s chest, trying to make his sigh sound put-upon, but the smile on his lips foils his plans.

“You think we can just stay here until everyone’s gone?” he mutters, and lets out a happy chuckle when he feels Leo’s kiss against his hairline.

“I think we should go be disgustingly cute in front of everyone. That’ll teach them to bet against us.”

The ‘us’ goes straight to Barry’s heart and he chuckles, turning his head up for a proper morning-breath kiss. Somehow, Leo still tastes a little like cinnamon.

“Deal.”

#coldflash #fanfiction #prompt fill #pheuthe answers #wow this got longer than i expected #idk if leo/barry get their own tag #a-redharlequin

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thetubamaba · 6 years

Text

Long ass rant not sorry but sorry

I put a lot of thought into what to say right now. People always seem to care about the mental / emotional health of others after it is too late. Heck this seems selfish as fuck, but I feel like there are only a very select few people that actually check up on me. This however is not the only thing going through my head. Every person has their ups and downs. But I honestly have been stuck feeling low for too long. Most people find that time at home as a break from college to be a good thing. Well that must be nice because for me it only seems to get worse and worse. I started off my first days home invigorated to find a job, but that all quickly went away soon as my parents said i had to find a way to work everyday... Many people do not know this but I was in 2 bad accidents just last March and April. These accidents continue to cause me more problems even as simple as seeing someone text in car that isn't even moving. That wasn't even something that I did ever. But as it is now it has been a year and 2 months since I last drove. How does this seem relevant at all? I don't honestly know how it is. I am writing this novella I feel like in a scattered way in almost backwards chronological order. On October 9th, 2017 I began one of the biggest steps in my life that I had been awaiting for since I can remember. I began Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and everything has been going so well with it. There are a lot of changes that have been taking place, but it has been a journey that i would make time and time again. I have never been so happy in my life. Granted not often am I ever happy. I can have a great day where I have an interview that was only one question. Then I filled out another application for a job. Now I wait in anticipation of the verdict by both stores managers as to whether or not I get hired. Once again I apologize for how scrambled the time is of this rant so to say but it is the only way I can think clearly and cohesively write my thoughts. While at college I made a couple of friends not too many because that is the type of person I am. Since I have been home every day feels exactly the same way. I wake up. I practice my instrument. If I remember to I might actually have 3 meals. Play games with my friends and then anytime between midnight and 2am something happens. The only way to explain it is as follows. Almost every night for the past month and a half have been like this. I feel this strange feeling inside. It is a mix of pent up rage, sorrow, disgust, and anything you can think of. It hurts so badly to feels this way but I cannot control it, for my mind does whatever it pleases and it is times like what I am experiencing right now that make me think. Think about things that I would never think about otherwise. I started doing this "test" so-to-speak of not initiating a conversation with anyone excluding a couple of people because this doesn’t apply. I began thinking to myself... "If you just stopped messaging people first would they ever take time to reach out to you?" Now this fucking hurt so badly the first time I thought about it. Hell I have been sitting here typing away for almost 30 minutes to try and express myself. This thought however continues to hurt as it becomes a reality. I am always there for my few close friends whenever they need anything. But I am stuck in the paradox of never wanting to reach out to my friends for help either. There are a select few people I tell anything to. I always apologize too much because I feel selfish for always going to mainly one person. I have tried to get help so many times with all of my mental and emotional issues that plague my ability to do anything on so many days. They plague me so badly that some days I sit around and literally do nothing because I am in such a mood that I don't want to do anything. Once again as very few people know of my massive emotional breakdown in 6th grade it was only the beginning of a bigger storm yet to come. 6th grade was the first attempts at taking my own life. Then i was ok for a couple of years and then high school hit. Things started to get worse as high school went along. I was figuring myself out but also creating a lot of issues for myself. This time in my life again created the issue of wanting to commit suicide because of believing everyone wouldn't miss me. Selfish thought at that.. Hell I even gave up a child hood dream of one day playing futbol professionally. I have never been good with words while speaking so my typing has always been my voice from a young age in my eyes. I remember thinking that life gets better the more you live on, but that seems more like a fantasy than reality. People always seem to get upset when I look at things too realistic or in a pessimistic manner. Well... I have always had this massive amount of self doubt, self loathing, i have hated myself for most of my life. Returning back to high school I started having eating problems. A special thank you to @AllieFortune for helping me through this. I definitely would not be where I am today without you. However one person is not due all the thanks but a couple others @alorsaa @93nikkismith93 and countless more. However happiness is not what I preach about today rather the fact that every day it becomes more and more difficult to do anything. I lay in bed going in and out of consciousness for 3-5 hours after initially thinking I was truly awake. Every week I am waking up later and later I am having anxiety attacks multiple times a week sometimes a day. This isn't a call for attention to myself but in general to everyone this may be seen by. Many people always say to me why don't you just talk about you problems with your parents there are many reasons. They dead-name me every single day of my fucking life unless there is nobody else awake... I don’t feel safe in an environment like this but it has to do because of being indefinitely broke. For some people it is easy to talk about their feelings. Well sorry, but for me... that is just a risk I cannot take. At one point I thought always sharing my feelings would help but were insignificant to anything that occurred following that sharing of something I have always struggled to share. This may seem dumb. It may even seem pointless. But the longer and longer I am alive I feel like I am just prolonging the inevitable. This of course being death. Many days I want it to all be over. Rarely I want to end it myself. (however currently neither apply). Thank you to all who can make it through my long ass rant on twitter. Not going to apologize, because I never post on here anyways.

P.S: I found a therapist and have a job. I just cant afford therapy yet. This whole rant was from the 21st of June. I thought people on tumblr world should know what has been going on since I have posted in a very long time.

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