#THE FACT THAT I REFRESH MY DASH AND IT LOOKS JUST LIKE MY FRIEND'S RANDOM SCREENIE OF HER TWITTER HOMEPAGE....

[thatsmimi]

hey @staff this is a bad look lmao

guys why do you think we come to tumblr for...... the twitter experience??

#tumblr #twitter #staff #2023 #mimi.txt #THE FACT THAT I REFRESH MY DASH AND IT LOOKS JUST LIKE MY FRIEND'S RANDOM SCREENIE OF HER TWITTER HOMEPAGE....

[in-slytherin-we-trust]

Another Time, Another Life (Draco Malfoy x Reader) Part 3/4

-> A ball, a revelation, and a confrontation... Will it be a happily ever after or a tragic love story that had run its course?

Click here for Part 1 and Part 2

*Y/N/N = Your nickname

“You’re positive that there is no dress code for this pretentious ball?” Y/N asked him again, her head tilted to one side, clamping the muggle phone that Harry gave her as a birthday present between one ear and her shoulder.

“Apparently so at least from the letters that they sent us, there’s no mention of any dress code. Only that we have to wear formal attire.” Harry replied, “I have no complaints though, makes it easier for us.”

Y/N groaned, “Ughh tell me about it. Even without dress code I still don’t own anything appropriate enough for a ball of this scale. Godric knows how many people the Malfoys have invited.”

She stared at her reflection on the cheval glass mirror in front of her, biting her lip in frustration, tossing yet another dress that she deemed not up to standards to the mounting pile on her bed.

“Just pick a random one, *Y/N/N. I’m sure you’d still look lovely either way.” Harry said again, she can picture him shrugging on the other side while saying this.

“Alright.. I’ll figure something out. You’ll come here by 7 right?” Her eyes drifted towards the wall clock, showing the time, 6:15 p.m.

“7 on the dot, just as how we planned. I’ll see you.” Harry said, ending the call.

“Right, see you then.”

Y/N sat on the edge of her bed as she looked at her now half empty wardrobe. Why am I even thinking this hard about what to wear? It’s just a ball, I wouldn’t even stay there long.

Earlier, Harry told her that he’ll be wearing a crimson tie. Should she just match him?

Y/N walked towards the other side of her flat where a small wardrobe stands, this is where she keeps all the clothes that she rarely wears for whatever reason. There’s bound to be a red dress in there somewhere, between all the crammed raiment.

A shimmer of glittering fabric caught her attention, her breath hitched in her throat as her eyes scanned the forgotten dress. She carefully grabbed it by the hanger, the dress twinkling even more as the light from the lamps hit it.

This is it, this is the dress.

The dress fits her like a glove, Y/N wondered how in the world she has never worn this beauty before. She grabbed her wand and utter a spell to do her hair into an elegant updo, leaving some loose curled tendrils hanging down to frame her face.

She finished just in time when she heard a ‘pop’ and the Boy Who Lived appears in her living room.

Harry’s mouth formed a brilliant smile as he took her appearance in. “See what I mean when I said you could wear absolutely anything? You look stunning, *Y/N/N.”

Y/N returned his grin, “Glad I got your stamp of approval, you’re looking rather dashing yourself. Shall we?”

Harry nodded as he offers her his hand to link with hers, then they apparated together to Malfoy Manor.

———————————————————————

Both Y/N and Harry cannot recognize this new version of Malfoy Manor in front of them. The sprawling mansion that used to has doom and gloom written all over it has been renovated inside out.

The large hallways are still sumptuously decorated but now brightly lit, rococo style lamps in gold and silver lined the walls, casting a warm glow.

A steward welcomed them when they entered the front door and acts as their guide, navigating the otherwise labyrinth like hallways towards the ballroom.

Finally they came upon a towering gilded door, the soft sound of classical music coming from behind it.

“Here you are, sir and madame. Please enjoy your evening.” The steward said with a low bow.

“Thank you for the assistance.” Y/N replied, giving him a gracious smile.

Harry reached a hand towards the door and push it open, the door swung easily despite how heavy it looks.

The grand ballroom is crawling with revelers wearing suits and dresses in all shades of colors. A live orchestra is playing on the very center of the room, buzz of chatter and laughter can be heard from every corner.

“Wow... they sure spared no expense.” Y/N said breathlessly.

“That is an understatement.” Harry replied, voicing his agreement.

Feeling like a fish out of water, Y/N grimaced, “What are we supposed to do while in here again?”

“Beats me, *Y/N/N. I guess we can just go straight for the food and drinks?” He said as he shoved both hands in his trouser’s pockets.

“Brilliant idea, I’m way too sober for this.”

So that’s where the two of them stayed for some duration of the ball, in the back of the room near the refreshment tables. Gobbling down their shares of grilled oysters, lobster toasts, caviar, and champagne. Minding their own business away from prying eyes.

They were in the middle of a rather interesting chat about some gentleman in a hilarious looking lemon colored suit, when they were interrupted.

“Mr. Potter and Miss Y/L/N.... what a delight it is to have you here, I’m honored that the both of you decided to accept our invitations.” Lucius Malfoy said coldly, Narcissa Malfoy in tow.

They donned themselves in all black suit and dress, looking regal yet very much intimidating as always. Regardless, Y/N can feel that something is off about them, the air of haughtiness that they used to carry themselves with now seems rather.... faux. In fact if she might say so herself, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy looked rather timorous and on guard.

“Thank you for the invitation, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy.” Y/N answered in a noncommittal tone, masking her face into one of civility. “I really enjoyed the food, it was exquisite.”

“What she said.” Harry spoke, giving them a slight nod. Y/N had to resist the urge to smile at her friend’s behavior.

Narcissa smiled, “I’m glad you think so, I arranged it all myself. Have you had the chance to dance? We hired the orchestra all the way from Vienna.”

“No we haven’t yet, we were too busy munching the hors d'oeuvres.” Harry replied with a polite smile. After all he kinda owed his life to her.

Narcissa nodded understandingly, “Please do take yourselves for a dance or two if you’re up for it, the guests are eager to catch a glimpse of our celebrated war heroines.”

She then turned her eyes towards Y/N, “And of course it would be a waste of such beautiful dress if you stay in the shadow, Miss Y/L/N. You are a vision in red.”

Before any of them could answer again, Lucius Malfoy tugged his wife away and they continued on their rounds, playing the perfect hostess.

A rather upbeat sonata started playing, sending flocks of excited people gravitating towards the dance floor. Even Harry bobbed his head and tapped his feet along to the tune.

“Wanna go for a dance? This one seems fun.” Y/N asked, offering him an outstreched hand.

“I would love to my lady, be my guest.” Harry take hold of her hand and lead her to an empty spot on the dance floor.

Despite them not knowing what kind of dance they’re supposed to do since this tune is not exactly for ballroom dancing, they decided to just roll with it and made up the moves as they go. Swaying and taking turns in twirling each other. Laughter bubbling in her throat, feeling much more relaxed than before.

The couples around them seemed to be doing the same, no one moves in sync, but still they all managed to make quite the crowd.

“Switch it up, ladies and gentleman! Partner up with someone else.” Someone from the orchestra spoke.

Harry and Y/N look towards one another, “Would anyone even notice if we just stay together for the rest of the dance?” He asked.

“With the state that we’re all in right now? Doubt it.” Y/N said as she made no move to look for another dance partner.

Someone tapped Harry on his right shoulder, “May I cut in?” A smooth voice said, making the both of them stop and turn to see the intruder.

Draco Malfoy stood in all his glory, looking sinfully handsome in his black suit and crisp white shirt. Not a single hair out of place. A far cry from how he looked when Y/N last saw him in the trial chamber.

“Beg your pardon? What exactly are you trying to do, Malfoy?” Harry said defensively, putting a hand on her lower back as he tugged her closer to him. The motion didn’t go unnoticed, something flashed briefly in Draco’s eyes before he maintained his cool.

“I was just asking Y/L/N to dance with me, didn’t you hear that we are supposed to find a new partner?” Draco fired back aloofly.

“What is your game here? You could have just asked one of your friends like Parkinson or Greengrass over there, they too are short of partners.” Harry continued.

“Well I found myself rather fancying for Y/L/N’s company, it’s not as if she’s your girlfriend, Potter. She is allowed to dance with whomever she likes.” Draco retorted, not backing down. In fact he is fuelling the fire.

“See that’s the thing! How could you even think that Y/N would like to dance with you of all people?” Harry said with a scoff. “Right, *Y/N/N?”

Y/N noticed that they’re starting to create a commotion and some closest to them have even stopped dancing to watch what exactly is going on.

Not wanting to have a fight on hand, she cleared her throat, “It’s okay, Harry. Just one dance, people are starting to look, leave it be.”

Harry still looked unconvinced but she gave him a reassuring nod, then he nods back. “I’ll be around if you need anything.”

Y/N refocused her attention towards Draco, “Let’s dance then if you so insist.”

Draco throw her a charming grin that would’ve knocked other girls from their feet, but not her. “Indulge me, Y/L/N. I have been waiting to dance with you for hours.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Have it your way, Malfoy. Let’s make it clear that I’m only saying yes because I don’t want to cause a scene at your parents’s party.” But still she accepted his outstretched hand and let him pulls them closer together.

———————————————————————

Draco Malfoy turned out to be an excellent dance partner, not that it surprised her, his parents probably made him took ballroom dancing classes the moment that he could walk. Purebloods and their propriety, it’s rather old fashioned really.

“This feels rather nice, doesn’t it?” Draco said, breaking the silence between them.

As much as she wants to deny that, there’s something about being this close to him as his arms wrap around her that feels just... right.

“Only because you’re being a decent human being for once, Malfoy.” Y/N replied nonchalantly.

“That has some truth in it, I do apologize for all the times when I’ve been an arse to you and your friends.”

Y/N sniggered, “Draco Malfoy can actually apologize, huh? What has the world come to. Your poor pride must be in shambles now.”

Instead of throwing back a remark, she’s surprise to see him giving her an earnest smile. “I found that when it comes to you, Y/L/N.. I tend to forget all my principles.”

“Is this your attempt at being charming?” She said teasingly.

“That depends, is it working?” He asked with a curious tilt to his head.

“Perhaps.” She answered smoothly.

“Perhaps.” He echoed back.

They were silent for a moment as the dance demanded for a twirl, carefully spinning her around and ensuring he’s not stepping down on her dress.

“The decoration is magnificent, it kind off reminds me of the Yule Ball.” Y/N said, stirring them into another conversation.

Draco almost froze in his tracks and cautiously approached the subject, “What do you remember about it?”

Y/N gave him a weird look as in, “Do you think I got too drunk back then that I didn’t remember a thing?” but decided to comply.

“I went with Oliver Wood and I wore a jade colored dress, definitely a good night for me.” She said as she smiles at the memory that resurfaces. “Your date was Pansy Parkinson right?”

“Yes... but I didn’t exactly dance the night away with her.” He said quietly.

Y/N raised an eyebrow his way, “Oh? What happened?”

She can see the look of hesitation on his face and in the way that his mouth keeps on opening and closing as if weighing the words that’s on the tip of his tongue carefully. “I was with you.. that night I ditched her to accompany you instead.”

Y/N jaw dropped open, “How hilarious, Malfoy.”

“No, Y/N. I’m being serious.” And the look on his face tells her enough that he is indeed not joking, that it compelled her to shut her mouth.

“Wood left you to talk with a quidditch scout who also attended the Yule Ball. Probably lost track of time while trying to butter that person up.”

Y/N felt her head getting heavier and a migraine starting to throb her skull. “I don’t remember any of that.... you’re lying. I was with him the whole night and we even walked back together to the common room.”

“Y/N/N...” Draco whispered out her nickname, “It was me who walked you back.”

She broke away from him, earning a few curious glances from the surrounding couples.

“I’m sorry but you must excuse me.” She said, not even bothering to look up at him as she left in a hurry.

No matter how big this ballroom is, she still feels suffocated.

———————————————————————

Y/N escaped the confines of the ballroom and wander aimlessly, not even paying attention to where she’s headed. Her whole body feels feverish. She just knows that she needs to find some fresh air to breathe in.

With some luck she founds herself in front of a glass door that leads to a small balcony. She muttered a silent prayer and let out a relieved sigh as the door swung open.

She closed her eyes, deeply breathing in and out in a controlled motion to calm her erratic heart. What was it about his words that bothered her so? For Godric’s sake this is Malfoy that we’re talking about! He loves twisting other people’s mind.

Y/N slumped against the railing, settling her burning cheek on the cold granite. She probably looks real pathetic if anyone happen to pass by.

She doesn’t know how much time has passed since then, but her body tensed at the sound of the balcony door behind her opening. A soft pitter patter of steps slowly making its way to her.

“You really should come with a warning label or an instruction manual, Y/N.” Draco Malfoy’s voice broke the silent night. Even the noises from the party doesn’t reach this part of the manor.

“That’s rich coming from you, Malfoy. Honestly why do you constantly feel the need to be soo bloody annoying.” She shot back weekly.

“Is it okay if I join you?” He asked.

“A bit late for asking don’t you think? But please don’t mind me, it’s your house after all and I’m just a guest.” She answered, gesturing with her hand for him to come and stand beside her.

“What was that back inside, Malfoy?” Y/N internally chastised herself for the tremble in her voice.

“There is something that you have to know, Y/N. Something about us.” He replied just as quietly.

“I—I don’t get it, there was never an ‘us’ so what are you talking about?” Her hands started shaking again but she forced it into a fist to steady herself. It takes an awful lot of effort for her to believe her own words because somehow, she knows that there is something more to this situation and she’s about to find out.

“I have to do something first but I need you to trust me, can you do that?” He asked.

Despite her common sense that is screaming at her to just turn around and get as far away as she can from there, her body betrayed her and she founds herself nodding.

Her eyes followed his every movement as she watches Draco slowly pulls out his wand from the inner pocket of his suit. He lift both hands up, his wand still tightly clutched in his right hand, but he’s trying to convey that he means her no harm.

“Ready?” He asked, once again asking for her permission.

“Ready.” She replied while steeling herself for whatever is about to come.

And then she felt as if her body is flung into another dimension.

White erupts all around her, scenes flashing by soo fast. Faces.... soo many faces. She almost drop to her knees, most likely from motion sickness, but then it all stopped.

And then she sees it. Her memories of Draco. Him stealing her for a dance in the Yule Ball when she thought she would spend the rest of the night sulking in some abandoned corridor after Oliver left her. Draco who insisted on being her partner in Potions and kicking Seamus out of his seat beside her, saying that it’s for her own good unless she wants to risk being exposed to frequent explosion. Draco who discreetly lended her his sweater when he saw her shivering during Care for Magical Creatures class. Draco who erased himself out of her memories and out of her life.

Y/N gasped in pain, feeling as if she just got stabbed over and over again as the hurt comes rolling in waves.

“YOU HAD NO RIGHT, DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY!!!” She screamed in agony, throwing herself his way, pinning him to the ground as she shakes him by his shoulders.

Tears blurred her vision as her body shook with violent sobs. She felt broken in soo many ways that she has to fight hard just to anchor herself at the thread of reality.

“I’m so sorry, love. I’m soo fucking sorry.” She felt him crying too beneath her.

He tug at her arms, silently asking for permission to pull her into his arms. Having no fight left in her, she allowed herself this sliver of comfort. Although in this very moment, she wants nothing more than to hurt him as bad as he had hurt her.

“Why, Draco? How could you do that to me? To us?” Y/N asked, barely above a whisper. Her voice sounds soo devastated, it pains him to no end to see her this way.

“I had no other choice, Y/N/N. I can’t let Voldemort use you against me, I can’t put you in danger just because I’d love nothing more than to have you by my side forever. Believe me, love. I did it all for you.” He croaked.

“I just don’t get it.... how could someone care for another and still take so much from them?”

“But it saved you a great deal of trouble! Like back at my trial when they asked you whether or not we were involved. Had I not taken your memories away, you wouldn’t be able to lie your way out under the veritaserum.” Draco retorted, clearly frustrated.

“Still, Draco..... Believe me if our situation were reversed, you’d be as angry as I am. Having your memories taken away from you like that is horrifying, I feel soo violated.”

Slowly she untangled himself from him and sits up, despite everything that has happened, she could still feel her heart reaching out for him. It still craves him and she doesn’t think that there would ever come a time when it won’t.

Draco followed her lead and sat himself, leaning his body against the railing. “I’m so sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused you, for all the pain that I’m still causing.”

Y/N stares at his face, the person that she once loved with all her being. “I don’t know what to say, Draco... I don’t even know if we can go back to how we were before all this.”

She watched as his face fell but there’s understanding in his eyes, “I know, starlight. I just want you to be happy.”

Y/N stood and clean the invisible dust from her dress, not that it makes it appear better, the skirt is all rumpled now.

“I... have to go. Thank you for the invitation.” She said, putting on a mask of cool indifference even though under all that, a violent storm is tearing at her very soul, but she has to be strong, for herself.

“Thank you for coming... Be safe, Y/N.” He replied meekly, but he managed to give her a small smile.

Y/N nodded and just like that history is repeating itself, but this time it’s her turn to walk away from him.

———————————————————————

Y/N made her way back to the ballroom, her eyes frantically scanning the room for Harry.

She saw him standing at the other side of the room and she walked briskly towards him.

Harry immediately noticed that something’s off, “Are you okay, Y/N/N? Do I need to fight anyone?”

Y/N smiled at her bestfriend, “That would be one hell of an entertainment to see but not tonight, buddy. Can we leave now?”

“Absolutely.” He said as he offered her his arm and they walked together towards the exit.

Turned out that it is actually quite late and some people have decided to call it a day too thus why Lucius and Narcissa are standing near the door to say their farewell to the returning guests.

When it is Harry and Y/N’s turn, Narcissa suddenly laid a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, “May I have a moment, dear?”

“Of course, Mrs. Malfoy.”

———————————————————————

Narcissa leads her to a parlor room not too far from there and offer her a seat at one of the plush settee.

“I would like to apologize for every wrong that I and my family have done to you, Miss Y/L/N. Our list of misdeeds are long and unforgiveable but all of us are paying for our sins. I wish you nothing but all the best that life could offer and Merlin knows how much you and your friends deserve it.” She said in a soft voice, shame painted her face.

“Thank you, Mrs. Malfoy. I couldn’t speak for all of them but I know that me and Harry share the same sentiment especially towards you. I’d also like to thank you for sparing Harry’s life back then, if it weren’t for you, we would never be here.” Y/N replied, giving her a warm smile.

“You’re too kind, dear. We deserve far less than that but still I thank you for your clemency, but I’m afraid there is something else that I would like to talk to you about.”

“What about?”

“My son.” Narcissa said.

Y/N unconsciously gripped the edge of the settee as her thought floated back to the moment at the balcony.

“You know?” Y/N asked.

“You’ll find that rarely anything ever escaped a mother’s eye, Y/N.” Narcissa answered, “I know that what he did is wrong and it is yours to decide whether or not you will let him in your life again, but there is something that I’d like to give to you first.”

Narcissa walked towards a drawer and pull something out, a parchment.

“Draco wrote this sometime ago, it is for you.”

Y/N took the letter with shaky hands, “Why are you giving me this?”

“Draco might be a very difficult person, Y/N, but if there is one thing that I know for sure is the fact that my boy is completely in love with you.” Narcissa said as she smiles her way, “And I believe that he has chosen the right woman to anchored his heart to, you are a formidable force, dear. And I admire you for that.”

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

A/N : WHEW okay I think this was rather intense, what do you think?

Taglist : @chaoticgirl04 @accioxdracox @randomsingingkoala @ivarlothbroks @sycathorn-slush @thescarletknight2014 @irritantive @vaeonshi

#draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy drabble #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy oneshot #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x you #harry potter fanfiction #draco malfoy #draco malfoy oneshots #draco malfoy prompt #draco malfoy smut #harry potter imagine #harry potter x y/n #harry potter x you #harry potter oneshot #harry potter fluff #harry potter drabble #harry potter angst #harry potter x reader #harry potter oneshots

[j-reau]

a hiatus or something

I didn’t want to post this. I told myself to give it until morning and sleep but I’ve been laying here for over an hour and I can’t sleep and I know I’m not going to sleep until I get it out. And I decided I’m not going to do the pretend things don’t bother us mentality that tumblr likes, the don’t show emotions on the dashboard, don’t let people know you’re hurt or angry out of fear it’ll be seen as ~drama or whatever thing stop me from just saying how I feel. Because I feel pretty shitty? I’ve been feeling shitty for a few days now. Maybe more. Last week I told myself that the drama that had randomly cropped up was just too much and I wasn’t going to let tumblr be something that made me cry or panic or kept me up at night over bullshit like arguing with someone over things that happened years ago. So I set my focus on my friends, on my dashboard, on reminding myself why I love RP and why I’ve been in it for this many years, for so long, with all of these people. Those Valentines I posted were part of that project for me. It was a reminder, for myself and my dash about all of the human connection that happens here, all the people we meet, all the little pieces of each other we take on and take with us, all the ships, all the conversations, however brief.  From the people we just see on our dash to the ones we talk to about all our fears and insecurities. And how all of it matters. 

I know how much we all love to say calm down gregg, it’s tumblr RP. I know how we all loathe this hellsite when we’re being our worst. I know how we all talk about how we’re too old for this now or we’re tired. We’re just here to write. I’m just here to write. I love writing. But what brings us all back time and time again, what keeps us here is the fact that it’s not just tumblr RP. It’s a community. Whether you have a real life that keeps you busy or your whole life is here, whether you have plenty of friends offline or all your closes people live on discord, we’re all people. And we all take this with us. We make friendships and we talk to each other. We open ourselves up to the constant trust and fear of interaction, of  plotting, of who is going to reach out or send the meme. We build friendships based on that, we care for each other, we see each other’s bad days on the dash, and great days and inspiration. And it means something. It may just be tumblr RP, but it matters to us. Because of the people here, because we give a fuck about each other. Or at least I’ve always liked to hope we do. I have friends on this website I’ve had for ten years, some just for 3, and others just a few months. It always floors me how we can always come back to it, how we stick with each other or don’t, how we see the good and the bad and the ugly. 

So to get on with it, I wrote those Valentines.  I hit refresh on my blog and put the weird random drama in the past and moved forward. I made this blog for JJ only about 3 months ago. I don’t know how I got 500 followers in that short time but I did. And it’s. been the wildest experience I can possibly explain, having that happen so quickly, finding so many people out in the RPC that I hadn’t before on my other blogs. I felt fucking good. I was excited. Not just to write a character I had wanted to and loved for years but to find so many people who I vibed with. I remember writing a post about a month in and being so fucking ... floored. By how much I loved you all, by how amazing it was to be received like that still, to find people my age and who wrote things I liked and loved their female characters. I fucking love JJ. I LOVE THE SHIT out of my partners on this blog, even the new people I’m still itching to write with. And yet, I did that little refresh, posted my valentines , got ready to go and felt .... sad. 

I tried to explain it. I tried to tell myself it was a bad mood. I hoped maybe it was medication. But I couldn’t shake the weird funk. And everywhere I looked it seemed like things were .... not good. My friends taking breaks, people feeling sad too, relationships splitting, people I liked and respected separating themselves. Tonight, one of my closest friends I’ve made on this blog blocked me. Someone I adored and trusted and absolutely loved to write with. Tumblr says we’re not supposed to care. That we’re supposed to let people draw their lines in the sand and take their leave and maybe we are. Maybe it’s important to let people make their choices. But I also think it’s important as fuck to talk to your friends, to mean what you say when you tell someone they’re important to you. I think it’s important that we remember on the other side of every blog and discord user is a person. Who has bad days and bad feelings and cries and feels insecure and tells themselves it’s just tumblr RP even when they know somehow it feels heavier when it’s bad. This was a friend I had talked to at length about all of those exact things, about how personal the community can feel sometimes, about feeling replaceable or invisible, even for the toughest most confident most take no shit people. I’ve always considered myself a pretty tough, confident, take no shit person. I think anyone who has known me for as many years as I’ve been around has seen that first hand. I don’t like how sad I’ve felt lately. I don’t like the insecurity that’s making me want to know why things feel way or why people vanish without so much as an explanation. I had to block a mutual last week I saw making fun of me on their twitter. A mutual. Someone who chose to follow me and on a public place where my other friends could see it made fun of what I posted. And I just don’t know what we’re doing anymore. It didn’t bother me. I don’t have hurt feelings over it. That’s the kind of stuff I definitely know I’m confident about. But .... it did really fucking floor me. Because here we are, on a sight where users talk about positivity and not sending anon hate, and we can treat each other like that. 

I’ve been sitting up in bed for hours trying to figure out what to say or what to do. That’s what I do I guess. I try to figure out what to do, how we fix it, like somehow there’s some unified we and some responsibility to make things better. A lot of you have only known me for a few months so this probably sounds all kinds of nuts. And you’re probably going JJ you’ve been an emotional mess since the moment we met you. Because I feel like that’s how it’s been for the last few months. But that’s not how it’s always been for me. That’s not who I am. So for now I guess I’m just trying to figure out what I do. Instead of sitting here and spinning and trying to figure out how we as a community fix these gaping holes and the way we talk about each other like we’re disposable and treat each other like names on a list instead of people. 

For now, I think what I do is take a little break. It’s the very thing I don’t want to do. Because it feels like quitting and it feels like being scared away. So I feel the need to promise whoever has read all of this and myself that that’s not what it is. Maybe I’ll be back in two days, maybe two weeks, who knows. But I need a break. From whatever this feeling is that seems to have come over things lately. I’ve loved these few months on this blog so much. And maybe that’s half the problem. Maybe I got spoiled and this is the come down. Maybe I’m just an idiot who thinks what we all want on this website is to find people and love each other and write together. I never knew that me -- the person often accused of being aloof and feelingsless and distant would somehow turn into the emotional bitch on this website but here we are I guess. I just don’t know how to navigate this anymore. I don’t know how to put my heart into relationships and friendships that can just be switched off like we can just stop caring about people. I don’t know how to ignore people who say horrible things and do horrible things to each other just because we don’t want to see it on our dashes. I don't know how to give enough of everything to everyone so that every single one of my mutuals and partners knows they’re valuable to me. I don’t know what I hope to accomplish. I don’t know when I got to be so much of a raw, frayed edge on tumblr dot com but that’s how I feel. And I hope in a few days or sometime soon I’ll have an answer or at least get my hard shell back.

I want to keep writing. I want to keep talking to you guys. I don’t want to lose anyone. I truly mean what I say when I say you’re all important to me. I plan to still be around on discord. I’ll write on discord if anyone wants to keep writing. If we aren’t discord friends yet and you want to be, send a message. I plan to come back. I don’t want to abandon anything. I’m so deeply fucking sorry for this rant, for all the overflow of feelings lately, for anyone that’s had to listen to them, for putting them on your dashes, for fucking all of it. Please be good to each other. Please talk to each other. Please remember that if we’ve crossed paths at any point on this blog, I value you. I value all of your friendships, your writing, your shitposts, your dash commentary, your tiktoks you dump at me on discord. I love you. Every last fucking one of you. 

#💛✌🏼💛✌🏼💛✌🏼💛✌🏼💛✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼💛 #i am dead fucking serious please feel free to stay in touch i just #need my dash closed for a while #message me if you want my discord

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

#ask game

[catbountry]

Glancing over some of my older essays on politics, I’m kind of struck how, despite them not being written that long ago, I feel like I come across as a dumbass, or at least like somebody who thinks they’re much smarter than they actually are. And it’s weird, because most of my views are roughly the same; rather, it’s that I feel the way that they’re articulated comes across as too... I don’t know, smarmy? Smug, maybe? Lacking nuance. Blunt. Like I’m talking down to people. Obviously, this was never my intention, but it’s weird how something that was written while in my early 30′s somehow makes me wince a little... as I rapidly approach being smack-dab in the middle of my 30′s. God, I’ve been in my 30′s for almost 5 whole years now, fuck, where does the time go?

I think being able to come out of the other side of the Trump presidency in one piece has kind of helped add some much-needed perspective, at least for myself. I think the hypothesis that a lot of people who voted for Trump were desperate for some kind of change was proven correct when he failed to be re-elected due to his bungling of COVID, which, funnily (or not) enough, he almost could have looked like he was doing the right thing when he initially wanted to close the U.S. borders... except he’d been trying to restrict travel and close borders so often that of course nobody took such a suggestion seriously. And even if they had? Rich people still would have brought it over, because as we all know, rich people can just get away with all kinds of shit. Of course, once it actually hit, Trump really couldn’t handle the idea of looking weak at all, so instead, it was downplayed, joked about, not taken seriously, even though he’d been briefed that it was going to be really, really bad. And when he got it, and in private thought he was going to die? Well, once he beat it, of course he had to say it wasn’t so bad... even though it killed almost a thousand times more people than the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Most of them were seniors. I think that, as well as a general fatigue and disappointment over the lack of swamp-draining from those who weren’t fanatical devotees, probably sealed his fate. I admit, I wasn’t very sure Biden really had much of a chance for a long time... until COVID happened. But hey, at least we got our stimmy from Trump, right lads?

I’m still fully convinced that Trump never intended to win, and that his run was done purely for ego and financial gain, but his ability to effortlessly bait the media, as well as his unexpected exposing of the sham we all knew presidential elections to be, wound up rocketing him to success. Trump will no doubt go down as one of the most successful conmen in American history, one so slick he wound up conning his way all the way into the White House. The whole thing was like if The Producers was a presidential campaign, fascism included. Granted, I don’t think Trump was ever a true fascist; I think he wanted to be a dictator, but the actual job of being President was a drag. The cult of personality he accrued, however, was the biggest source of narcissistic supply that he’d ever experienced in his entire life. Hell, just being the literal President, the most important person in the entire fucking world, is a hell of a high that I don’t think he’ll ever really be able to reclaim. Trump’s going to be chasing that dragon for the rest of his life. Having “President” in front of your name is a lot nicer than actually, you know, having to be the President. I mean, look at how quickly Obama went gray. A lot of people are convinced Trump will run again in 2024, and I don’t doubt it, but unless something happens that completely throws us for a loop, I don’t see him being able to recreate the, er, “magic” of 2016. Everyone getting to see that, not only was his fanbase capable of having embarrassing public meltdowns just like the le epic triggered snowflake lib Hilary supporters, but that their meltdowns were even more embarrassing, and that they all looked like a bunch of fucking English soccer hooligans during the Capitol siege... well, I think that’s going to put off the swing voters, as well as the moderate Republicans.

Also, that Twitter knock-off founded by Trump’s aide, Gettr, being flooded by gay furries posting Sonic the Hedgehog foot porn? Feels like classic 4chan-style raiding. I approve. It almost feels like we’re healing, even if it’s just a little bit.

But what the fuck did we even learn from all this? What did I learn from this?

I don’t know. It feels like over the time I’ve been on Tumblr, what was once SJW became woke, and being woke has become very normal; so normal, in fact, that fucking massive corporations that use slave labor overseas will change their Twitter icons to rainbow every June because The Gays have become a safe, marketable demographic. On one hand, it’s nice to know that, at least in what I guess is considered the western world, LGBT people are more accepted now than they ever have been. On the other... god, it feels so cynical, doesn’t it? This is all very stream of consciousness, here. I don’t write very much on here since, surprise surprise, Tumblr’s been kind of dead since the porn ban. I still see people post, but it used to be that I couldn’t refresh my dash without seeing dozens of new posts. Now it feels like I refresh my dash and I’d be lucky to see a new post there an hour later. This is why I’m on Discord more. It feels like I have more productive conversations than I ever could on Tumblr or Twitter. Twitter is just... god. It’s like all the worst parts of Tumblr without the parts that made it fun aside from a few memes.

Sorry, I got off track there. The point I was going to make before is that, while I am still very firmly anti-censorship, I’ve managed to put myself in a position where it no longer feels like the stakes are so high. I can relax. I don’t have to feel like I’m on the defense the whole time as somebody grills me over some slip-up. I don’t use Twitter that much. When I do post something in response to somebody, I feel like I instantly regret it. I posted in response to some dumbass spreading a rumor that 4chan’s favorite Simpson’s meme about Sneed’s Feed and Seed is secretly ableist, and I got a response from some dude with an Umaru-chan avatar telling me how he’s proudly racist because he and his friends call each other slurs? Like bro, you’re posting cringe, you’re going to lose subscriber-

I don’t know what I’ve learned yet. Maybe that social media sucks and that chatrooms with friends are the superior way to communicate online. I tried out Telnet recently to go into some random IRC, that was neat. It just feels nice to not have to get into a fucking argument every fucking day over shit that doesn’t matter as much as people thinks it does, to not have to hear about every fucking time the President sneezes or farts. It’s not that there’s no longer anything to worry about; there is. I’d really like to see fellow lefties go after the handful of massive corporations that control the majority of the online experience, who censor not just all the racist white dude grifters in suits who all look suspiciously similar to one another, but us as well. I want to see us raise a bigger stink about the web being santized, sterlized, and gentrified to be friendlier to corporations who only want your precious data and eyeballs. Maybe without the constant distraction of Bad Orange Man, we could make that happen. Maybe.

Or maybe fucking Dream will breathe again and all the fucking children will piss their pants and clog up Twitter, fuck these kids, get off my internet, GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#not fan fiction #political bullshit

[gumnut-logic]

We’ll Be Home For Christmas 5.3 (Bit 2) + Epilogue

From here | 5.2 Bit 1 | 5.2 Bit 2 | 5.2 Bit 3 | 5.3 Bit 1 | 5.3 Bit 2 + Epilogue

IT’S FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!

::dances around the room like a loon::

Finished before next Christmas! Woohoo!

This fic is my @tagsecretsanta​​​ fic for 2019 and it is for @scattergraph​​​ .

AND IT IS FINISHED!!!! 68,000 words! My longest Thunderbirds fic!

Many, many thanks for @onereyofstarlight​ who geeked out with me major league on this fic and helped me with research (oh, there was soooo much research for this fic - so much I plan to post about it all in a separate post once I’ve archived this monster) and reading through whatever I came up with and cheerleading :D Also, many thanks to @scribbles97​  @i-am-chidorixblossom​  and @vegetacide​ who also put up with all my crazy and wibblies and for reading through when I scream at random times ‘Does this work or it is crud?’ And, of course, to Thunderfam, who have taken this crazy whale fic on and cheered me to the finish line. Thank you alll sooo much ::hugs for everybody:: Yes, I’m a little excited. To start is fun, but to finish is ecstacy - I had that on my studio wall for a long time :D

Spoilers and warnings: A little Virgil/Kayo, a little Scott/Mel and a lot of brotherly fluff.

I hope you enjoy this last bit of the Kermadec Fic :D

-o-o-o-

Gordon had half expected Kayo’s call. Virgil had been fidgety all day. Scott had pulled Gordon aside at one point and expressed his concern, but there was nothing they could really do until Virgil made his move. Pushing him into anything would have gotten them nowhere. Virgil could be the most stubborn of them all. So, they sat back and waited, gave Virg his space and watched.

Trust Tin to kick his ass into shape.

From the moment Tin kissed Virgil it was a matter of countdown. Gordon had even dragged himself out of the pool, downed a coffee and poked Sam awake.

It wasn’t planned or conspired, just inevitable.

Sam guzzled a coffee beside him.

“You think he’ll talk to us.”

“I think he won’t have a choice. You don’t say ‘no’ to Kayo.”

“So, they’re a thing now?”

Gordon shrugged. “I don’t know. I do know he has a thing for her. He tries to hide these things but we’re family.” Which was why Gordon and the rest of the family knew there was something not right with the second eldest. He had been foggy, daydreaming and not-all-there since he had walked in so late this morning.

So, it was with both eagerness and a little dread that he stepped out onto Two’s runway, tablet in hand, and with a little hope that this could be the start of a healing process for his brother.

Tin was standing close with Virgil and Gordon’s heart warmed at the sight. His brother didn’t stand a hope.

That heart stuttered a moment later as his sister made her departure with those three words that implied possible death if Gordon didn’t look after his brother.

“Now, that’s a little scary.” And somewhat terrifying. Pranking Virgil from this point onwards may include having to cater to Kayo kicking his ass in retaliation.

He swallowed. Well, whatever made his bro happy.

Virgil straightened where he stood, determination in every line. “We need to talk.”

Gordon reflexively parroted his brother’s stance, his spine whipping to attention. Virgil may not be military, but his passion demanded respect.

“Then speak to me, bro.”

Virgil sighed and despite that determination, his shoulders shifted down a little. “I need information.” He turned to Sam. “Can you help me?”

“I can certainly try.” Sam had none of his usual bouncy enthusiasm. Something in Virgil’s agitation was communicating the seriousness of the situation.

“How do whales communicate?”

Sam opened his mouth and there began Whale Communication 101 with a minor in whale anatomy.

Sam was concise, but comprehensive. He’d obviously refreshed his knowledge overnight and even Gordon learnt a few new things.

They ended up perched on a circle of rocks under one of the palm trees, Virgil’s dark eyes fixated on Sam as he answered every question Virgil threw at him.

And there were many. How did their sonar work? What frequencies did humpback whales use to sing? What research has been done in this area? Had anyone been able to actually communicate before?

“No.” Sam’s voice was firm.

“Not even other musicians?” Virgil stared at him.

Sam shook his head. “They were all ignored.”

“What about using the right frequencies?”

Sam shook his head again. “You’re the first.” His friend bit his lip. “What is it like?”

There was suddenly a vulnerability in Virgil’s eyes that had Gordon wanting to stop this, stop this immediately, and he had to restrain himself. Virgil needed to talk it through.

“I…it’s…hard to describe.” An exasperated exhale. “In fact, that is the hardest of all of this. I can’t…express it. The colours, the shapes, the emotion…it’s all there, in my head, but I can’t articulate it, I can’t understand it, it’s just…a mess.”

Gordon’s eyes widened as Virgil waved a frustrated hand at nothing in particular, his focus drifting for just a second as his thoughts turned inward. The hand landed on his thigh and Gordon eyed those fingers as they desperately tapped out a beat on his brother’s jeans.

“Colours? Whales don’t see in colour. They don’t have the physical capability.” Sam’s eyes were as wide as Gordon’s, staring at Virgil.

His brother’s head snapped up. “Yes, they do.”

“No, they don’t. They don’t have the required cone cells in their retinas. They see in monochrome.” Sam was leaning forward.

“No, they see colour.” Virgil’s eyes focussed inward again. “So many shades of blue, green, the hot pink of exuberance, the yellow of warm sunshine, the deep midnight of sadness, the rainbow of sunset on cooling skin, white of pain, grey of threat…the black of loss. So many colours.” Virgil turned away and looked out into the caldera a moment before turning back and pinning Sam with his eyes. “It’s in the sound. You have to listen to the music.” To Gordon’s astonishment, Virgil sung a handful of notes only to break off and frown, yet again in frustration. “But I can’t…!” Virgil’s hands balled into fists.

Sam was staring wild eyed. “You can understand them?”

“Yes! No! Hell, I don’t know!”

Gordon reached out and placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Hey, take a breath. We have time. We can work this out.”

Troubled brown eyes latched onto his. “It’s in my head, Gordy, and I can’t get it out. I can’t sing it, I can’t paint it, I can’t express it, I can’t even understand it! It’s just…argh!” He clutched at his face, his fingers tangling in his hair.

“Virgil!” Gordon grabbed his brother’s arms and gently pulled them away from his head. “We’ll work this out. You’re not alone.” He drew in a breath. “Never alone.”

To Gordon’s horror, tears glistened in Virgil’s eyes as he stared back at him. The whales suddenly became a threat to Gordon’s family and he had the urge to protect his big brother from whatever the hell it was they were doing to him.

A window into Scott’s world was never clearer.

But Virgil composed himself. Voice rough. “It’s okay, Gords.” A dragged in breath. “I’m okay.”

Gordon’s grip on Virgil’s wrists just got tighter. “Are you kidding me? You have the t-shirt, but that is total bullshit.”

“Gordon-“

“No. They’ve gotten into your head and good or bad we are going to work through this until you are ‘okay’, okay?”

Virgil sighed and looked down before frowning at him again. “How?”

Sam cut in and Gordon startled. He had almost forgotten his friend was there. “Talk to the whales.” Virgil’s eyes hit the man and Sam’s voice became pleading. “Explain it to them. Ask them. Learn from them. Get more information and we can work it out. The more information we have the better we can understand it.” Sam’s passion rose to the surface. “This is a massive breakthrough, Virgil. You can interpret another species language.”

“No, I can’t. That is the problem, Sam.”

His friend’s pale blue-green eyes didn’t back down. “Yes, you can. Partially at least. You’ve said the words yourself. You’ve labelled colours. You’ve spoken of emotions and intent. You are communicating, Virgil.” If it was possible, the intensity in Sam’s eyes just lit up more. “And they know it. They sought you out. They responded. They know you. You’ve made a connection.”

Gordon let Virgil’s wrists go and his brother dropped his hands in his lap. “Virg, we’ve got this. John is on it. We have the technology; we have Sam and Mel and you have all of us. We can do this. Give yourself the chance.”

Those brown eyes fixated back on Gordon and the vulnerability was back. Hell, Gordon would do anything to protect his brother. Anything. “We’ve got this, Virg. Trust me.”

“I do, Gords. Always have.”

“Then let’s do this.”

The familiar phrase rang between them and Virgil responded, his body straightening where he sat. Voice still rough. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“FAB.”

-o-o-o-

Scott stood on the end of the main balcony peering out towards Two’s runway at the three figures sitting under the palm trees.

He bit his lip.

Mel was still asleep on the lounger. He should have stayed with her, but he was edgy and worried about his brother.

Kayo had walked through the comms room sometime earlier and the expression on her face made it plain that Virgil was speaking to Gordon and Sam. A long due discussion.

His brother, the whale whisperer. The whole concept was ridiculous, but apparently a thing.

“What the hell?!”

Scott jumped and Mel rolled over and off the lounger she was lying on. Scott hurried over to help her up. “Alan!”

But the young astronaut ignored him, shooting up from where he was sitting on one of the couches and dashed to end of the balcony where Scott had been standing a moment before. His game console hung from one hand. “John, you are dead!”

“What?” John’s voice wafted up from the pool deck below. “What did I do?!”

“You strip mined my sun!”

“What? No, I didn’t. How do you strip mine a sun?”

“What’s going on?” Mel frowned up at him. She was adorably mussed and dopey looking. He couldn’t help but kiss her hair.

“Hey, Dimples. Focus.” She smiled up at him.

“Oh, okay.” So, he focussed on kissing her thoroughly.

Her hand fluttered against his shoulder a moment before he gained her full attention and…hmmm.

Another squawk of anger from his youngest brother. “A black hole?! You ignited a black hole! You asshole!”

“Alan!” Grandma’s voice stabbed in from below somewhere and snapped Scott out of his pre-occupation.

Mel grinned up at him as he pulled away in automated embarrassment.

“It’s not fair, Grandma, he cheated!”

“That does not excuse your language, young man. We have guests!”

“I did not cheat.”

Really, did they have to yell across levels?

“It’s a black hole, John! You sucked in my entire solar system. If you don’t stop it, you’re going to take out the whole damn galaxy!”

“Alan!” This time it was Scott admonishing him.

“It’s not fair!”

John’s voice was puzzled. “I didn’t do that.” A scuffle of shoes on concrete and the scrape of a lounger. “Hell, I didn’t do any of that. Alan, did you set off a supernova in sector seventeen?”

“Seventeen? I haven’t even been to seventeen.” Alan glared at his game console. “You’re in seventeen already?!”

“I was. A supernova obliterated my base.”

“Well, I didn’t do it.”

Scott bit back an emerging grin. Oh, shit.

“This is impossible.” It was distracted and a sure sign John was poking into code.

He let the grin out and gave it a countdown from five.

“Virgil!”

-o-o-o-

The discussion about whales came to an abrupt and yelling-infused end as Alan jumped on comms and gave his engineer brother a piece of his mind.

John was less exuberant and ever so curious as to how Virgil had managed to not only enter the game without either John or Alan noticing, but then catch up, overtake and obliterate, all within the rules.

Virgil was glad it wasn’t initially a visual signal and only Gordon and Sam got to see his smirk when he answered that it was ‘for him to know and his space brothers to find out’.

John would, no doubt, take that as a challenge.

Alan would probably just take a note out of Gordon’s book and stick jello in his bed sheets in revenge.

The arched eyebrow on Gordon’s face was amusing.

But most of all, at John and Alan’s expense, Virgil felt the pall lifting. It was a pall he hadn’t even been aware was there. Sure, he was tired and the whale song was frustrating, but it had been a good day.

It was the heavy conversation, the focus on the issue and the confusion in his head.

It was Christmas, for crying out loud.

Theoretically, he had just kicked both his space brothers’ butt at the game they were all so cocky over. Well, technically he had simply asked Eos to act in his stead. He had taken one look at the game on his tablet that afternoon on Raoul, worked out a basic strategy, then asked Eos to sneak in and execute it for him.

He hadn’t asked her to hide it from anyone. Just to not mention it unless someone asked.

Eos really did love a good game after all.

And it wasn’t cheating if he was just smart enough to appoint a proxy who could do the job for him.

He’d even asked Eos to backup the game as it was before she entered so the entire scenario could be saved for his brothers to tackle again once he and Eos had taught them a lesson.

Virgil was quite chuffed when it took John a whole fifteen minutes to decipher exactly what had happened.

“Virgil!”

His red-haired brother was glaring at him across the comms room, fit to blow a circuit. “You coerced Eos?!”

A shrug. “No? She was bored. Gave her something to do, that’s all.” He relaxed back against the lounge. Kay found an excuse to join him and he was ever so appreciative when her hand crept into his.

“Eos!”

“I don’t know what the problem is, John. It was fun.” She snorted. Apparently, their AI could snort. “It is what you programmed me to do, after all. Virgil asked and I agreed.”

John opened his mouth, but nothing further came out for a full five seconds. Then, determinedly at the ceiling. “We will be discussing this.”

“We will? I’m looking forward to it. You should see how easy it is to strip mine a sun. The amount of energy I gained was extremely efficient and it allowed me to advance at a pace neither of you seem to have achieved. I have also developed some real-world models that you might be interested in. Application would have to be postponed until interstellar transport has been achieved. Though I have some thoughts on that as well. I would be very interested in what you think of these equations.” A bunch of numbers and symbols appeared in the centre of the comms room. “I’m not sure the energy expenditure variable is viable, however we could leverage this with some assistance from our own sun.” And she kept throwing out ideas that widened John’s eyes enough to dry them out and send them bloodshot.

Eos stopped eventually, possibly sensing an imminent explosion from her father. John was glaring daggers at Virgil.

Virgil shrugged. “She enjoyed it.”

John’s expression was somewhat comical and it was enough to set off Alan, who burst into laughter. Gordon was grinning like a loon as was Scott and Virgil found himself joining them.

John glared at all of them before settling into one of the lounges, tablet still in hand with more amused disgruntlement than anger on his face.

Maybe Virgil had to worry about jello from John’s direction rather than Alan’s?

-o-o-o-

The evening meal was a relaxed one.

Scott dragged out the barbecue and a variety of meat was charred on its hotplate. Virgil stood up to cook, as that was usually his task, but Sam shoo-ed him away and after taking one look at what Scott was attempting to do with the food, kicked him off the Tracy grill as well.

They were all the better for it.

Salads, desserts and even a bowl of marshmallows found their way out onto the patio.

Good food and good company, it was a lovely night as the sun headed towards the horizon on the other side of the Island.

Virgil sat on the edge of conversation, willing to just watch his beloved family. His brothers who had done so much just to get him home. God, he loved them.

Scott sat with his arm around Mel more relaxed than he had seen him in months. Gordon had tinsel in his hair and was chasing Sherbet around the pool, apparently trying to decorate him, too. Alan had cornered Elspeth again and was chatting away a mile a minute. Regardless, she appeared fully invested in what he was saying.

John was glaring at his tablet, no doubt attempting to out thwart Eos. Now that would be the match of the millennium. Genius father versus AI daughter. Virgil had the urge to step back just in case something exploded.

And sitting beside him was Kay, who wasn’t interested in Wayne Rigby. Kay, who smiled at him with her beautiful green eyes.

Again, the song for that colour danced in his mind.

He squeezed her hand, rolled himself off his lounger and stumbled to his feet.

Oh, so elegant, Virgil. An internal sigh as every eye in the room targeted him.

“I’m fine.”

Scott grabbed a marshmallow and threw it at him.

It left a puff of icing sugar in the middle of his chest.

Gordon snorted and Alan giggled.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “The bathroom, guys, yeesh.” He turned and trundled himself back towards the house.

“Have fun!”

He didn’t even bother to turn around. “Hilarious, Gordon.”

“You’re welcome.”

He didn’t bother to even acknowledge that.

He didn’t return to the party immediately. The ocean caught his eye and he had the irresistible need to climb down to the shore.

His brothers didn’t comment as he walked straight past them and down towards the huts, but he felt their eyes.

Really, he couldn’t blame them. He had scared them and then done a number with the whales. He owed them so much.

Something lodged in his throat and he had to swallow emotion.

His feet hit volcanic sand and sunk, grains slipping between his toes. The lagoon lapped gently at the edge of the beach. It was such a contrast to the roaring ocean of Oneraki on Raoul. There were no hot springs here, the Tracy Island volcano was long dead, thankfully. This beach was his beach. Volcanic sand marbled with coral sand and he traced the pattern with his toe.

There was a sound for sand and it was both beautiful and terrifying.

The colours were a kaleidoscope of meaning.

He let a breath out and raised his eyes towards the darkening horizon.

“Virgil?” Are you okay?

He closed his eyes.

Scott.

Another breath and he turned to face his brother. “No. I’m not. But I will be. I promise.” A half smile. “In the meantime, I’m thankful, grateful and ever so lucky. My family is more than I could ever ask for.”

That stopped his brother in his tracks and Virgil found himself smiling.

“Uh, John wanted me to give you this.” Scott held up a tablet.

John’s tablet.

John never let that out of his sight.

Scott approached and touched the device. A world globe appeared above it. Another twitch of fingers and it zoomed into the map far to the south of Tracy Island where a dot blinked. “John wanted you to know that he and Eos are tracking the mother and calf.” A swipe and Scott zoomed in even further, the tablet obviously connected to Five.

Sunset lit waves were interrupted by a spout of water and he watched as ever so far away, Mamma Whale took a breath followed by her daughter before dipping below the waves.

Virgil sucked in a breath and looked up at his brother.

Scott’s smile was soft but said everything.

God, he was ever so lucky.

Virgil turned away towards the lagoon and its gentle waters and blinked.

“Thank you.”

Scott didn’t answer, but a hand did land on his shoulder and Virgil took the opportunity to just exist beside his brother, on his beach with his family…

Here on Tracy Island.

-o-o-o-

  Epilogue: The Skipper

 It was late at night on Christmas Day and most of the family and their guests had retired to bed. Scott was intending on doing the same when he noticed light under the infirmary door.

Concerned that Virgil might be hiding something, he nudged the door open.

He was surprised to find Grandma staring at a hologram, her back to him.

“Grandma?”

She jumped. “Oh, Scott. Give me a heart attack why don’t you?”

The hologram disappeared.

“What’s wrong?” He frowned at her. His grandmother had been acting odd all day. Not obviously, but he knew his grandmother, something was worrying her.

To find her here, of all places, past midnight on Christmas Day…

“It’s nothing, dear. Just looking for some paracetamol for a bit of a headache.”

He stepped inside the room and shut the door behind him. “Grandma, you are as bad at it as Virgil is.”

“At what?”

“Lying.”

“Scott Tracy, how dare you.”

He narrowed his frown. “Grandma…”

She glared at him for several seconds before his glare won out. Her shoulders dropped. “You are far too much like your father for your own good, Scott.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” When she still didn’t answer his initial question, he repeated it. “What is wrong, Grandma?”

She sighed. “It’s probably nothing.”

Why was she so reluctant? “Grandma…”

Another defiant glare, but she poked at the holographic controls. “This is between you and me or I’ll cook for you exclusively for the next three years, you hear me?”

“Yes, Grandma.” But his eyes were already tracking across the hologram. A mass of wriggly lines hovered in front of him. It reminded him of a seismograph readout or one of Alan’s games stats graphs he liked to show off. It meant about just as much to him as the latter.

It had Virgil ‘s name written above it.

He didn’t have to ask.

“I did a brainwave scan when I assessed Virgil yesterday. This was the result.” She pointed at the mess of lines. “I compared it to his last scan.” She poked the hologram again and another bunch of wiggly lines appeared beside the first. It meant little to him, but undoubtedly something to his medical grandmother.

“And?”

She eyed him a moment before prodding several of the lines to highlight them. “There are differences.”

“Fluctuations?”

“No. Differences. Something has changed.”

“What has changed?”

She didn’t answer immediately and he received the impression that she didn’t want to commit to answering. “Grandma, if this is something to be concerned about, I need to know. Virgil needs to know.”

She turned to look at him. “It may be nothing.”

“But it is bothering you.”

She sighed. “There are changes in both his delta and beta wave production.”

“What does that mean?”

“Not much.”

“Grandma!”

“Scott, changes can be perfectly normal.”

“Then why is this bothering you?”

“Because John sent me Eos’ research.” She swiped at the hologram again and Eos’ graph detailing the similarities between Virgil’s delta wave production and that of the binaural beat produced by the whale song. “The delta waves matched, which leads me to believe where it started, but look at the beta wave production before the whales and after.” She highlighted the data and Scott stared at it.

The changes were obvious.

“What does it mean?”

“I’m not a neural specialist, Scott.”

“Then why aren’t we sending him to one?”

“It may be nothing.”

“It is obviously something!”

“Scott. There is no sign of impairment.”

“Except he’s talking to whales!”

She held up her hands. “Calm down. It is minor.”

“It doesn’t look minor.”

“And this is exactly why I haven’t mentioned it. I need to do some further investigation before I alarm anyone.”

Too late.

She might as well have heard as she turned to look up at him. “Scott, trust me. I will investigate. I have contacts. I will be discreet.”

He stared at her. “Grandma…”

Her glare was firm. “Trust me.”

Why was everyone asking him to do that lately? It was so damn hard to give the reins to others.

Her hand landed on his arm. “I love him as much as you do.”

Damnit.

He deflated just a little. “I know.”

“I will ask some questions. The answers will let us know if we need to investigate further.”

Her hand squeezed his arm and her eyes held his that moment longer.

He had no choice. “Yes, Grandma.”

“I will keep you advised.”

“Thank you.” He held her eyes a moment longer and he saw the worry in their depths.

“Go to bed, Scott.” He felt her urge for him not to worry, but her lack of saying proved she knew she would be wasting her breath.

“Yes, Grandma.”

She squeezed his arm again before pulling him into a gentle hug. “It will be okay, honey.”

He bit his lip and held her. He closed his eyes for just a moment.

“Yes, Grandma.”

She let him go and gave him a nudge towards the door.

His fingers drifted over her arm. A glance at the blasted hologram and he turned and left.

Mel was smiling at him when he arrived in his room and for a few moments he lost himself in her embrace.

“What’s wrong?” She frowned up at him.

He smiled. “Nothing.”

Her fingers ran tracks through his hair and she challenged him with her eyes. “Dimples?”

He smiled again and took her lips with his own.

He didn’t want to talk.

At all.

-o-o-o-

FIN.

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #Virgil Tracy #Scott Tracy #John Tracy #Alan Tracy #Gordon Tracy #Grandma Tracy #Sally Tracy #kermadec fic #virgil/kayo #Kayo Kyrano #scott/oc

[mrsacklesevansmgk]

Cursed - Chapter Three: Lana

Word Count: 3179

If anyone wants to be tagged, let me know :)

Catch up here

“The moon was so beautiful, that the ocean held up a mirror” – Ani DiFranco

“Hey Teeg’s, I’ve gotta go back to my locker…grabbed the wrong book,” I said, holding up my Classics book to show her, “You go on ahead and nab our seats.” I turned and walked back towards my locker, only realising once I got there, that I was supposed to be showing Adam around school and that included walking him to his next class, and in that moment, I felt bad. I dumped my English and Classics books in my locker, grabbing the right book this time and made my way towards Ms Kirkpatrick’s class. I walked into class still in a daze, found my seat next to Tegan and looked up into a familiar face. Adam was sitting there staring at me. I must have looked like a deer in headlights, as a smile quickly appeared on Adam’s face, which morphed into a chuckle when I didn’t smile back.

“Are you stalking me Adam?” I asked, while staring down at my books.

He chucked again and replied with a cheeky tone of voice, “No Lana, I’m not. But thanks for showing me around the school! I would have gotten lost otherwise.” The smile widened.

I tried my best to ignore him and his smile. But my teenage girl brain had other ideas when I felt my heart flutter a bit in response to his smile. “I uhhh…” I began. “You ‘uhhh’ what?” he replied. “Oh, you know, it’s Monday; it takes a while for the brain to kick in,” I said, nodding with commitment, hoping that the joke I had cracked at my own expense would be enough to break the tension I was feeling.

I pulled open my History textbook, again seeking solace in my schoolwork, I realised it was a crutch I used quite often in life; not that there was anything wrong with that. I pulled out my notes from last week’s class and started going over the key points from the lessons. I had this OCD way of taking notes. I would literally write anything and everything, then go back over the notes during study period or in the evening and make 10 key points, and colour code them based on whatever logic I had worked out for that class and then at the beginning of the next class I would go back over those 10 key points to refresh my memory.

As I read over my notes, my mind easily wandered away from recapping the French Revolution and towards the person sitting next to me. Without even noticing, I was no longer reading my notes, I was looking at Adam; not just out of the corner of my eye, but full on, body turned, looking at Adam. What the hell had gotten into me? Luckily, he didn’t look up. I couldn’t imagine how I’d be able to explain getting caught staring at him for the second time this morning. I did, however, manage to peel my eyes away from him and back to my notes, only to feel his eyes burning into me mere seconds later. There was something about his eyes. It felt like they were hiding a small little world behind them, and I was both intrigued and eager to find out more.

For the first time in months, History seemed interesting; not because of the topic, but because of Adam. We didn’t talk much, just random polite conversation, but there was something about him, something that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. Adam seemed genuinely interested in anything I had to say. Being the younger and much less-prettier sister of the amazing ‘goddess-like’ Eleanor, I was practically ignored by the majority of the student population, not that I minded. But with Adam, it was almost like ‘Eleanor who?’

Once again, the hour flew by, and the bell rang signaling the end of the second period. I stood and smiled a goodbye to Adam and joined Tegan as we made our way back to our lockers. The boys were already there, waiting, impatiently, might I add. I managed to open my locker and dump my books before Justin grabbed me by the elbow, pulling me into a nearly deserted classroom. What the hell? I thought, and I was just about to ask him when I saw the look on his face. Justin liked to pretend that he was easy going, that nothing bothered him and that he didn’t take life too seriously. But I knew him better than that. Something was really bothering him, and I was sure I was about to find out.

“Everyone is talking about you! Don’t you know?!” he said as his eyes blazed into me. He looked really frustrated, and like a storm was brewing inside.

I stood there dumbfounded. What was he talking about? Everyone was talking about Eleanor and her college celeb boyfriend, not about me, her unpopular, boring sister.

He stared at me with questioning eyes and waited for my response. I couldn’t even comprehend what he was saying, let alone have the ability to form an answer to his question. He took my silence as a ‘no’.

“They’re all talking about you and that new kid.” I continued to stare blankly at my one of best friends. He had never cornered me in such a way before, was he jealous or is it something more? I wondered.

“Who is talking about what?” I asked, still looking confused. “Yeah, the new kid, he’s in my class…I talked to him. Mr Lord asked me to show him around school, make him feel welcome…What’s the big deal?”

“Uhhhh,” Justin said. He looked frustrated that I just wasn’t getting what he was trying to say. “Just that he is the hottest guy this school has ever seen and that YOU seem to have caught his attention, despite Lydia, Marie and their clique throwing themselves at him every chance they got!”

I cracked a smile. This was one of the weirdest conversations that I had ever had with Justin…and that’s saying a lot because we talked about some weird things! “Pfft, what are you talking about? I sat next to him in a few classes, Mr Lord volunteered me to show him around. I barely know him. I don’t know him. People need to mind their business.”

Justin wasn’t really interested in hearing what I had to say. It was like he was on autopilot, filling me in on everything he’d heard about the new kid and myself over the past two hours. I had never, and I mean NEVER, been the topic of any gossip before at this school. Not with Eleanor around! I knew she wouldn’t be happy about this. Not only had she been relegated to “old news” in less than an hour, but she’d also been bumped from being the hottest topic by none other than her ugly duckling younger sister. Knowing her as well as I did, there was going to be hell to pay at home this evening...she would be unbearable! But also, I know that she isn’t going to stand for it. Her name would be back on everyone’s lips by tomorrow morning, she’d make sure of that!

As Justin continued rattling off an embellished version of events, my brain began processing what he was saying. It was a bit over the top, but that’s how rumours work. They start off innocently enough and then as they pass from one person to the next, the story morphs into something completely different, and the next thing you know, the rumour is so far removed from the truth. Justin was still rattling on, but I knew he’d have to stop and take a breath sooner or later, and that moment was coming.

“Justin! Stop!!” I rushed out! “You’re making such a big deal out of this. I never thought you’d be one to feed into the rumours and gossip around here; let alone, rumours about me. You should know me better than that!!” I said, “Nothing happened between Adam and me. We talked. We sat next to each other. Nothing more, nothing less. Now stop this nonsense and let’s go! I want to grab some morning tea!!”

I walked away, done with the conversation. Just as I was about to grab the door handle, I heard Justin say “Okay, okay! You’re right, I’m sorry I got carried away! It’s just that everyone was talking about it, and I felt like I was the last to know! I felt like I’d been left out of my best friend’s life...even if for only a few hours. But now I can see how things were blown wayyyyy out of proportion!!”

I turned around and gave him my biggest smile, “I’d NEVER leave you out of my life like that! The second anything noteworthy happens in my life, you’re the first person I tell!” He walked over to me, and I gave him a bit of a side hug, which was awkward considering how tall he was. “Now, let’s go!!” and I dragged him out of the classroom and back towards our group of friends. We had about ten minutes left before our next class, so I made a beeline for the cafeteria. There wasn’t much of a line, but the few minutes I spent waiting to be served resulted in at least a half a dozen random looks, followed by hushed whispers behind hands. Soon enough the whispers were no longer hushed, but loud enough for me to hear; things like “Ugh, why her? She’s so bland and boring!” or “Look at what she’s wearing. She’s such a freak!” It didn’t faze me though, I expected nothing less from the sheep at this school.

I was almost at the front of the queue, but I hadn’t decided what I wanted. I turned to Justin, who was also eyeing up the menu. We decided to split a fruit bowl. Justin offered to make the order while I waited outside, away from the staring, whispers and comments. As I waited outside of the cafeteria, the comments got louder and meaner; the sheep of the school weren’t hiding the fact that they had a problem that I seemed to have Adam’s attention. I looked over towards the field, I felt like I needed to be in an open space, less suffocating place. As I contemplated my next move, I looked up and seen Adam sitting at a nearby table. Obviously, he too could hear the comments and that was the tipping point. I needed to get out of here.

I dashed towards the field. “Wait, Lana!” I heard from behind me. But I ignored whoever it was and pushed past a large group. Luckily for me, most people were heading back to class. I rounded the corner by the gym, but I hadn’t been watching where I was going and ran straight into the last person, I wanted to see…Adam. Weird, I thought, how did he get ahead of me? I looked up, fumbled out an apology and attempted to dash around him but I wasn’t fast enough. He gently took my elbow and pulled me back to face him. His touch was similar to the way he had helped me earlier in class and much gentler than Justin had mere minutes earlier. I sighed heavily, mostly out of frustration more than anything. I didn’t want to be there; I didn’t want to be at school; I most definitely did not want to be standing here talking to Adam, because I knew this would just fuel more gossip. I could literally feel the eyes drilling into me. What I did want was to be back in the meadow, listening to the stream and the birds and staring up at the sky through the trees. I wanted to be in my safe place.

It was at that moment that Justin caught up with me, stopping just to the left of my shoulder and staring wide-eyed at Adam and then at Adam’s hand on my elbow. “Lana there you are!” Justin said, “What happened?” He continued to stare, and neither Adam nor I responded. “We’ve got class!” He prompted as he looped his arm in mine and pulled me away from Adam’s grasp. For the second time since I’d met him a few hours earlier, I looked back to see Adam standing where I’d left him, staring after me, with a look of pure confusion on his face.

Justin and I ran towards the Maths Department. Maths was one of my favourite classes, but that’s only because it was one of the few classes that I shared with Justin. And right now, I need my best friend, Justin! I don’t think I would have made it through class knowing that everyone would be staring and talking about me. For as long as I could remember, I was fine with being in the background and never being the centre of attention. We were just about to enter our classroom when we saw Lydia and Marie walking down the hall, whispering, of course! The closer they got, the more of their conversation we could hear. And surprise, surprise! They were talking about yours truly! They looked up at me and then towards each other and giggled loudly. I decided I was going to ignore everyone and get on with class; they were probably just jealous that they weren’t in the same classes as Adam or that he was being friendly with me and not them.

In class Mr Pattinson was rambling on about algebra or something like that. I tried to pay attention to him but with Justin there, I just wanted to talk to him like we usually did in class. I could feel everybody’s eyes on me, watching and waiting for something to happen. I grabbed a scrap piece of paper and scribbled a note to Justin in my sloppy handwriting.

Why is everyone acting like this is such a big deal? Just because he talked to me?! What’s so great ‘bout that?!

I quickly handed the note to Justin and watched him read it out of the corner of my eye. He picked up his pen and scribbled something and handed it back.

Maybe it’s because he is the new hot guy, and they want to know why he’s talking to you instead of fawning over them. I don’t know! Like you said, you were just talking, no big deal. It’ll blow over soon, don’t worry about it.

Justin was right. Well really, I was right. This is what I’d been saying all morning. It was nothing. No big deal. It’d all blow over by the end of the day.

The rest of the day went by quickly. I spent the lunch hour sitting in the sun on the field with Justin and Tegan as we watched Dillon and Felix play-wrestle not far from us. The heat from the sun felt good against my back, but I was regretting my wardrobe choices this morning; I was also kicking myself for not grabbing my sunglasses. After lunch I had Classics and I finished up my day with a study period. I sat through Classics feigning attention. I had long since mastered the ability to look like I was engaged and paying attention, when in reality I was completely zoned out. I paid no attention to the whispers, comments or looks that came my way and I didn’t notice if Adam was in any more of my classes. I didn’t even care at this point. If I wanted things to blow over then I had to stop feeding into the drama of it all, I had to stop waiting for him to show up and make things awkward again.

Independent Study was probably my favourite ‘class’ and it wasn’t even really a class. Pretty much we went to a classroom and sat in silence for about an hour because we were supposed to be ‘studying’ or catching up on homework. Usually, I spent the hour listening to music, writing in my journal or writing letters to my friends, but today I needed to actually get some study done. I settled into my usual seat at the back of the class and immediately switched playlists. I needed less ‘emo’ and more ‘calm.’ I needed to focus on my History essay. I quickly glanced around the room. One half of the mean-girls were here, Marie sitting 3 desks to the right, 2 rows ahead. She was far more tolerable with Lydia, but still had a bit of a mean streak. I got stuck into the essay – some days these things flowed out of me, today was one of those days.

I don’t know how long it took, but soon the essay had been forgotten and I was staring out the window daydreaming when something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. I’d seen something white fluttering by. I glanced around the room but couldn’t figure out what had caught my attention. I picked up my pen again and re-read the last sentence I’d written when I noticed a small white folded piece of paper sitting on my desk. I glanced around the room again, with a look of confusion on my face, hoping to figure out where this piece of paper had come from. This time I noticed a familiar figure sitting a few desks away. It was none other than Adam. Why hadn’t I noticed him before now? Or had he only just turned up? I gently unfold the piece of paper before me.

Is it just me or is everyone here really nosey? They just keep staring at me as if I have a tattoo on my face! What other classes did you have today? Well, I hope you write back. It’ll give me something to do because it is quite boring having no study to do in independent study. - Adam

As I read the note, I could feel him watching me and laughing at my facial expressions. I looked up and he was looking at me then looked at the paper, waiting for me to reply. I picked up my pen and started to write: Yes people here are nosey, but you’re the new kid so it happens. I’m sure you heard the whispers at the cafeteria. You and I are the talk of the school. It’ll blow over, I don’t care what people think anyway. As for now I’m going back to my music! Enjoy the rest of your study time.

I finished writing and added a little smiley face at the bottom with its tongue poking out. I folded up the note and tossed it across the table to him then turned up my music and smiled to myself. Leaning back into my chair I let my music take me away. I closed my eyes and it felt like I was in my little meadow again lying in the grass.

#Cursed #Original Work #Original Story #Adam and Lana #Lana and Adam #I swear Adam is a young Jensen Ackles #Chapter 3 #Ongoing story

[kumeko]

A/N: For Nameless, the loveless zine! I haven’t thought of this series for years and I feel very nostalgic just writing this.

…

…

…

…

i.

It was instinctive, the way Soubi’s hand reached into his pocket, his fingers curling over the cool plastic. Entirely habitual and he almost pulled it out before remembering that he was sitting on a bench in the middle of a children’s park. There was a time when that wouldn’t have been a problem, when he would have lit his cigarette and felt the bitter sting of nicotine. That time wasn’t now. Soubi wasn’t sure what had changed, just as it did, and he eyed the lone straggler on the swings balefully. In the late evening, most of the kids had left for dinner, leaving behind the odd loner, and destroying any chance of a smoke break.

 Oh well, Yuiko would be here any moment anyways. Pulling out his phone, Soubi checked the time. 7:20. She should be here in another five minutes. What for, he wasn’t sure. All of her texts asking him to meet her were surprisingly evasive, only confirming the time, the place, and that he couldn’t forget to come. Maybe that was why she hadn’t called him to arrange this; Yuiko was a terrible liar and the second she’d opened her mouth, he would have known what this was all about.

Still, for the life of him, Soubi couldn’t figure out what Yuiko wanted. Even more so than most children her age, she was extremely up front about her emotions. It was oddly refreshing, compared to the Zeros or even Ritsuka; Soubi couldn’t remember the last time he’d met someone so guileless. Her teacher, perhaps, but he made it a point to avoid her.

 “Soubi!” A breathless, high-pitched voice cut through his thoughts and Soubi looked up in time to catch Yuiko as she dashed through the park toward him. Her comfy t-shirt and cotton shorts were grass stained and small twigs and leaves tangled in her long hair. Even her backpack looked dirty and he wondered idly if she’d ran through a forest to get here. “I’m sorry, I’m late—”

 “You’re not,” he interrupted, motioning to her to take a breath before continuing. There were already tears in her eyes and he didn’t want to start the conversation with her bawling.

 “I’m not?” Surprised, Yuiko pulled out her phone and gasped. “I’m not!”

 Soubi resisted the urge to smile. Maybe it was the naivete. He wasn’t used to interacting with someone like her. Patiently, he waited for her to calm down before asking, “What do you need?”

 “Need?” Yuiko fidgeted in front of him, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. She scuffed a shoe along the ground. “It’s not…I don’t…um…”

 “You?” he prodded, watching as her ears flattened slightly as she grew more and more nervous. Ritsuka’s ears and tail were like that too, displaying his feelings clearly for all to see. It was cute. Had he ever been this cute as a child? He couldn’t remember, but he doubted it.

 “I…” Yuiko paused again, her tail twitching anxiously as her eyes flickered from the ground to him and the back again. Unslinging her backpack, she held it tightly before taking a deep breath. “You…” She breathed in once more, long and slow, before hurriedly shoving her backpack at him. “This is for you!”

 What was? Soubi wondered, his blank expression stiffening as he studied the offering. Was it the bag or something in the bag? Both questions lay heavy on his tongue, unable to decide which one to utter.

 Before he uttered a word, Yuiko realized what she was doing and blushed an even brighter shade of red. “O-one second!” She quickly unzipped the bag and rummaged inside. Finding her prize, she yanked it out and pressed it into his hands. “For you,” she mumbled, looking away, tears glistening once more in her eyes.

 Soubi looked down at the springing object in his hands. It was an oddly-small flower wreath, a clumsy looking thing with stems sticking out together here and there. Despite that, it still held together surprisingly well. It wasn’t something he needed, but he nodded his thanks all the same. “A wreath.”

 “A flower crown,” Yuiko corrected, rubbing her eyes and looking at him once more. She pointed to her head. “You put it on.”

 “I see.” Soubi rotated the wreath in his hands, feeling utterly bemused. He was getting used to the antics of children now, with days spent with the Zeros or Ritsuka teaching him more than he’d ever expected. Somehow, the utter randomness of children surprised him. “That makes more sense.”

 “Yeah.” Yuiko glanced around before clearing her throat. Before Soubi could react, she shouted, “Happy Birthday!”

 The one kid in the playground perked his ears, glancing curiously at them. Soubi was only half-conscious of that. Instead, he stared blankly at Yuiko. “Birthday,” he repeated softly, not sure which was more surprising—someone remembering it or him uttering the word.

 Yuiko nodded, pushing her two index fingers against one another as she looked away. “I know it’s not a good gift, but I only found out today and it was the best thing I could make.”

 Well, that explained the grass stains. Soubi glanced at her hands, at the dirt on her nails and the roughness of her palms. She must have started immediately after class to get it done on time. Plopping the crown on his head, he nodded approvingly. “A little small but it fits.”

 “You look pretty,” Yuiko gushed, immediately cheering up. “You like it?”

 This time, he couldn’t stop his smile. “Yeah.”

 -x-

 ii.

Love was hard. Yayoi had read every romance book in the library and then stolen one or two from his mother’s secret stash, and this was the one lesson he’d learned from them all. Love was hard. Usually, there was an evil sheriff or hitman or villainous ex that appeared, coming between two star-crossed lovers.

 Yayoi would argue that sitting on a bench with his rival while waiting for his crush to arrive was equally as hard. He glanced to his right. As usual, Ritsuka looked entirely unperturbed, as though they weren’t sitting on a bench on opposite sides, the space between them too big for Yuiko to fit entirely. When she came back from the cafeteria, several bags of bread in hand, and sat down, she would force them to come closer. And they would, but not until she came back.

 It was a dance they went through every lunch. While Yayoi could say that Ritsuka wasn’t only a rival, they weren’t exactly friends either. He was Yuiko’s friend more than he was Yayoi’s, and that was something he was entirely fine with. There wasn’t a single romance story for the rival and the hero became friends. Still. Yayoi glanced again at Ritsuka. Would it kill the other boy to look at least uncomfortable? Then again, he couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen Ritsuka as anything other than collected. The boy had swept in like a fierce gale, throwing Yayoi’s life into disarray, and never looked the worse for wear for it.

 “Are you fine with this?” Yayoi asked, unable to stop the words spilling out of his mouth.

 Surprised, Ritsuka turned to him. “Fine with what?”

 Yayoi tensed, his neck warm as he realized he didn’t know where he planned to take this conversation. Hell, he didn’t even know what he meant by the question. Fine with the triangle, fine with the strange number of transfer students, fine with his mother—there were so many ways to take a single question. His ears flattened as he thought about it before finally gesturing at the space between them. “With all of this?”

 “You don’t like me, right?” Ritsuka shrugged, leaning back into the bench and staring at the sky. “It’s cool.”

 “That’s not true,” Yayoi blurted, his mouth moving before his mind could catch up. His hands itched to cover his mouth, to stop these treacherous words from escaping his throat. In romance, the hero defeated the rivals, winning the heroine’s hand. They didn’t start to like their rivals, didn’t start to think of them as friends.

 Yayoi wondered, not for the first time, if he wasn’t the hero and was just another doomed suitor.

 “It’s not?” Ritsuka looked at him, really looked at him, his eyes wide and mouth agape. “Really?”

 It was too late to shove the words back now and whether he liked it or not, Yayoi had meant them. Begrudgingly as it was, he did consider Ritsuka to be his friend. “Yeah.” He paused, steeling himself before pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope from his pocket. “Here.”

 Ritsuka glanced at the envelope before gingerly picking it up. “What’s it for?”

 “My birthday party.” Yayoi coughed, looking away. “You can come if you want.”

 If he had turned around, he would have seen a pleased smile and red cheeks, a boy beside himself with joy. But he didn’t, so Yayoi could only hope that Ritsuka’s ‘Yes’ was an honest one.

 -x-

 iii.

Kio was drunk. He knew that, from the way his fingertips buzzed to the tingle up his spine. His mouth was dry, his head pounded, and tomorrow morning he would be a mess of regrets. He was so drunk, he had gone from knowing he was drunk to denying it to knowing it once more.

 Needless to say, climbing the last set of stairs to his apartment was perhaps the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life. And that included getting kidnapped and beaten by a strange pair of Soubi’s ex-classmates. At least, he thought they were—Soubi had refused to explain the matter further and Kio was too afraid to ask. Their friendship had always felt delicate and while Soubi was opening up more now, he wasn’t sure what boundaries were still standing and which he could dance right past.

 That was perhaps the only reason he had accepted Soubi’s utter rejection of joining in for some birthday drinks. Well, that and the fact that Kio had asked at least ten times to no avail. If Soubi didn’t want to celebrate Kio getting one year closer to death, well, that was on him. It wasn’t like he had good taste in the first place, as evidenced by Seimei’s entire existence.

 “Woah!” Kio mumbled as he almost tripped over a step. Clutching the guard rail, he panted heavily and tried to regain his bearings. Were stairs supposed to be this hard? Was he out of shape? Next time, he was getting a ground-floor apartment. There would be none of this exercise nonsense.

 Glancing behind him, he realized he was halfway there. Just a little more, and he could dive into his futon and pass out. Future him would probably wish he’d changed first, but that was future, sober him’s problem. Drunk Kio only had one mission, and that was to get to bed. Finally reaching his door, he leaned against it and sighed. Almost there.

 His keys jangled as he tried to find the right one. As usual, it was the last one he tried. While the door swung open silently, Kio heard a thud. Looking down, he stared at a square package at his feet. Had that always been there? God, he was so drunk. He hadn’t even noticed that there had been something at his door. Crouching, he stared at it. It looked like a canvas. His fingers brushed against the slim sides. No, it had to be a canvas; he worked with them day in and day out and his body had memorized the weight and shape of the various sizes they came in.

 Mystified, he clumsily picked it up and stumbled into his apartment. Was it a delayed assignment? No, it was wrapped in the plainest wrapping paper that existed. A gift then, but there was no note, no card, no nothing. It could be for his neighbour, for all he knew. Eagerly, he tore through the flimsy wrapping. Black paint slowly appeared, followed by splashes of blue and yellow, before he finally revealed a butterfly painting.

 No, not just any butterfly painting—it was a remake of the one Soubi had made when they’d first met. Kio covered his mouth, giddy. The bastard cared. He had always known that, but it was one thing to believe it, another to find proof. Soubi cared.

 Suddenly, sleep was the last thing on his mind. Pulling out his phone, he drunk-dialed his friend. Future him would probably regret this too, but that was for future him to care about.

 Current him had to make sure Soubi knew exactly how happy he was.

 -x-

iv.

“Here.”

 Surprised by the unexpected hand thrust in her face, Yuiko looked down from Youji’s smug expression, following his arm until she was staring cross-eyed at the small, rectangular paper in his hand. Scrawled messily on the white page was Badminton tournament. She squinted, not sure if she was reading it right, before looking back at him. “Thanks?’

 Next to Youji, Natuso sighed, looking utterly unimpressed. There was no one else in the classroom, but she knew that even if there were, his next words would have remained the same. The twins never changed what they said no matter who was around, and Yuiko envied that. “I know, I know, this is a five-year-old’s idea of a gift.”

 “Hey!” Ears flattened, brow furrowed, Youji glared at his twin and growled, “This is a good gift.”

 “Is it?” Natsuo snorted in disbelief. He ran a hand through his hair and scornfully added, “You just want to beat her at badminton. That has nothing to do with her at all. You’re supposed to think of the other person, stupid.”

 “Gift?” Yuiko interrupted, cutting through the brewing argument. She gently pried the voucher from Youji’s hand, staring at it curiously. It was ridiculously plain, without even an attempt at a border or sparkles or any decoration of any sort. He must have spent five minutes on it, max, before giving it to her.

 “For your birthday, duh,” Youji grumbled, but despite his tone, he was looking away. His ears twitched slightly, an embarrassed expression on his face. “You’re not getting anything better, no matter how you cry.”

 Yuiko didn’t listen, instead looking at the paper once more. A birthday gift. Certainly not one she wanted—she liked playing badminton, sure, but gifts were supposed to be special things. Things you can’t get otherwise, and they would always be able to play badminton.

 Yet it was a gift from Youji. She hadn’t expected this, not in the least. If anything, she’d thought the twins hadn’t liked her that much.

 A gift. For her.

 Smiling broadly, she hugged Youji tightly. “Thanks!”

 Natsuo’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?”

-x-

v.

“Let’s hang out at my house,” Yuiko demanded, standing in front of Ritsuka’s desk. Well, it was as close to a demand as she could get, her cheeks dusted red and her voice rising an octave with each word. “Please?”

 Ritsuka was used to the beeline she made as soon as the bell rang to his desk, as though if she didn’t catch him immediately he’d slip away with the breeze. To be honest, with all that was happening around him, sometimes that was the case—between Soubi, the fights, and hunting for clues, it was sometimes hard for him to find time for his friends.

 Still, this was more direct than Yuiko usually was. He stared at her for a moment, watching as her face turned redder and redder as he kept silent. Well, it wasn’t a bad thing if she was getting more confident. Maybe one day she’d be able to fight those bullies away herself.

 Flustered, Yuiko pressed, “I really want—”

 “Sure,” he agreed, getting up.

 “—you to come…” Yuiko trailed off, a blank expression on her face before she realized what was happening. Surprised, she watched as he headed to the door. “Really?”

 “Yeah, let’s go.” Ritsuka grinned as she scrambled to grab her bag and coat. “What, you weren’t ready?”

 “Don’t tease me!” she wailed, almost tripping over a chair in her haste to get out. Stray hairs escaped her usually neat pigtails and she looked like she’d run a marathon and not just left a classroom.

 “Don’t make it so easy,” he countered, laughing as they slipped into an easy banter on their way home. It was strange. Truly strange. A year ago, even a few months ago, he could never have imagined this. Friends? Laughing? Smiling? A place that he could call his? All of them had been so far beyond his imagination that he couldn’t even picture it.

 Yet, here he was, walking home with someone as thought it was the norm. His mother and brother were the furthest thoughts from his mind, his focus instead entirely on the all-too red girl next to him. His best friend, possibly, but Ritsuka hadn’t yet mustered the courage to ask. Yuiko’s ears twitched nervously, her fingers pressing against one another, and her words ran into one another as though she was desperately trying to say something, anything. Clearly, she was up to something.

 “What’re you hiding?” he asked and that too was new. Knowing someone well enough to tell when they were lying. It was a permanence he hadn’t expected.

 “Whaat?” Yuiko yelped, her complexion turning even redder, if possible. Ritsuka imagined he could find every shade of red if he hung around her long enough. It was a pleasing thought. Shaking her head rapidly, she stuttered, “N-nothing, I’m just…Why do you think that?”

 “Hmmm?” It was tempting to push her even further. Yuiko was a terrible liar, which was a relief when compared to the Soubi’s and Seimei’s in his life. Everyone else was too good at hiding and he liked this feeling of having an upper hand for once. Still, whatever she was planning couldn’t be terrible, and it wouldn’t be bad to have a nice surprise for once. “Fine, keep your secrets.”

 “There aren’t any!” she shouted, her voice giving her away yet again.

 Ritsuka laughed. His tail swayed lazily as he wondered just what he should expect. Knowing Yuiko, it had to be something simple. Maybe a movie or a game. They could get Soubi to come over after and cook something too. Or invite Yayoi to play with them, or the Zero’s—and Ritsuka had a lot of people in his life these days. A lot of friends.

 “OK! WE’RE HOME!” Yuiko announced loudly as she stood in front of her door, shaking her keys slightly before slipping them in.

 Perplexed, Ritsuka followed her in through the door. Were her parents home? Was that why she was talking like—

 “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

 The loud shout jolted him out of his thoughts and Ritsuka’s jaw dropped as confetti rained through the hair. Standing in Yuiko’s living room were all of the people he’d been thinking of, and then some—Osamu and his teacher stood amongst the crowd.

 “Happy birthday!” Yuiko chimed in, looking at him eagerly.

 A surprise party. He would never have imagined that either, not even a few hours ago, but Ritsuka was finding that wasn’t a bad thing.

  The future, oddly enough, was something to look forward to.

#loveles #agatsuma soubi #aoyagi ritsuka #hawatari yuiko #Kaidou kio #Shiori yayoi #sagan youji #fanfic

[isa-ghost]

A Formal Report To Staff

I’ve emailed the support team three times, each with strong feedback. Each containing MORE PROBLEMS than the last email. I begged them to take me off the beta. In fits of frustration, I’ve demanded to be taken off it too. I was told I’d have to deal with it. I was given responses that were little or no help at all. And I’m not the only one having these issues. These issues have been so severe and frustrating, I have been the least active on the site I have ever been. I have heavily contemplated leaving Tumblr altogether, and have been extremely displeased (to say the least) that these issues have prevented me from enjoying my blog, interacting with my friends/mutuals, and more. 

This beta was forced onto users without warning, without user’s consent, with no insight as to what would change, how it would change, why it would change, what was new, or any other changes/additions the beta would give. This lack of communication is unprofessional, inexcusable, and irresponsible. And the fact that they don’t give you an option to turn it off or opt out is, quite frankly, bullshit. Implementing a "beta” that feels half-assed and has this many issues in the first place without any kind of communication is irresponsible.

Their only semi-decent answer to this problem has been XKit. Which is not compatible/available with all browsers!! And really, it should be a big sign they SHOULDN’T CHANGE/ADD SOMETHING if their answer to it is “oh, just use XKit to undo it/turn it off.” JUST DON’T DO IT! You shouldn’t be relying on an extension/add-on to make your users happy! And if the users who don’t want these changes/additions are somehow the minority in all this, I certainly don’t see a single peep of any kind anywhere from the users that want/are supportive of these things! I’ve seen nothing but problems with this beta being reported, and frustration/hatred of it being expressed. And 0 action taken by the staff to fix any of it. If it’s still being worked on, it never should have been released to users in the first place. They should not be forced to put up with the bugs that this beta still has. The staff should not be randomly selecting users (not every user has had the beta forced upon them) to be beta testers. This is also irresponsible of them.

The staff’s communication to users about updates is AWFUL. The way they implement new things or change existing things without any mention of it or warning of when these things officially implement is AWFUL. 99% of the time they add or change something, nobody wants it or asked for it, and/or it’s a tiny change that didn’t need any attention whatsoever to begin with! They seriously need to start remembering the saying, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!“ The staff should be holding polls or ASKING users their opinions on something before they do it, not just throwing it in and forcing them to deal with it! And if they don’t want to wait for feedback on an idea before they do it, then they should ALWAYS make an option to turn off/opt out of whatever it is!

Tumblr’s most BASIC FUNCTIONS: posting, reblogging, editing posts, a user’s personal settings, HAVE BROKEN. They will not open or load, and if they do, the user has to wait several seconds before it FINALLY opens. When it doesn’t open, this happens:

This can/will appear 2-5+ TIMES (aka, the user will have to try and click “Aa Text/etc,” the reblog button, or the edit button 2-5+ TIMES, and on top of that, the window takes several seconds to load each time before you even know if it’s going to actually open or not!!) before Tumblr lets you open the posting window, the reblog window, or the editing window. It might even be happening with other functions on Tumblr that I just haven’t personally experienced yet.

Tumblr’s most BASIC FUNCTIONS should NEVER be malfunctioning, no matter what. A half-implemented beta/update, some random issue, NOTHING. NOTHING should make these functions unable to be used or any sort of hassle to use! This shouldn’t be happening, and shouldn’t be allowed to happen! It honestly makes the staff look incompetent when these simple things aren’t developed to a point where they don’t break. At the very least, they should not break as often as they do. And speaking of basic functions breaking, don’t even get me started on how often tags break and malfunction. That’s been an issue forever, and a highly reported and complained about one at that. And yet here the staff are, once again changing the whole appearance of Tumblr instead of working on more pressing issues; thus once again making its userbase feel unheard or ignored.

And as if those basic functions breaking aren’t enough, there’s YET ANOTHER ONE that (at least for me) keeps breaking! THE DASHBOARD ITSELF.

Anywhere between 2 seconds and a few minutes, if I scroll any longer than that, this happens to my dash, and nothing will load. And if I try to scroll back up for it to load, the things that HAD loaded are no longer loaded OR the dash just straight up disappears and all I see is the dash’s blue background. At that point I can’t even refresh my dashboard to fix it or click anything whatsoever. I have to close Tumblr and reopen it in a new tab. And most of the time, I can’t even do that, because this BREAKS MY ENTIRE BROWSER. 

MY ENTIRE BROWSER WILL STOP RESPONDING 1-3+ TIMES BEFORE I CAN DO ANYTHING AT ALL. Sometimes it will crash COMPLETELY. Not only that, but when Tumblr lags my entire browser and makes it stop responding, then EVERY OTHER APPLICATION ON MY LAPTOP will lag out or stop responding as well! My laptop is admittedly old, but even in its old age, it DIDN’T DO THIS BEFORE THE BETA WAS FORCED UPON ME. The beta is literally screwing with my WHOLE laptop because its issues start with the site, extend to my browser, then spread to anything else I have running at the time! While some of that is most likely my laptop’s age showing, again, it never did this before the beta started to mess with everything.

Being on Tumblr just... isn’t worth this much frustration. This needs to change. It needs to be taken off user’s accounts until it’s completed or (preferably to me) not implemented at all.

On top of all of these issues, I personally have been suffering another huge problem with this beta. My add-on Tumblr Savior will not work. I use Tumblr Savior to blacklist URLs of blogs I don’t want to interact with (and have blocked, but Tumblr’s blocking system is awful and doesn’t keep blocked blog’s posts off your dash or anything. Blocking a blog should COMPLETELY wipe the existence of a blog you block out of your sight EVERYWHERE. But that’s a whole other issue I won’t even get into... Again, a highly reported and complained about issue that the staff haven’t done anything about). I also use it to blacklist tags I don’t want to see, or a tag that people I follow use for their followers to blacklist a specific type of content. I use it to blacklist words and phrases so posts containing them don’t appear. I use them to blacklist triggers and things that make me uncomfortable. I know many users who also use this add-on to properly blacklist URLs, tags, words, phrases, and more to keep it off their dashboards. Many use this to blacklist triggers and sensitive material that Tumblr’s filtering systems do not properly take care of. This add-on not functioning with this beta could be harmfully affecting users. I personally cannot enjoy being on Tumblr without Tumblr Savior functioning to properly filter all that I need filtered.

This is every URL, tag, word, phrase, or otherwise that I have to blacklist to comfortably be active on Tumblr. NONE of those things are being properly blacklisted by Tumblr’s filtering system (especially blacklisting URLs to properly block a blog since Tumblr doesn’t) and are appearing on my dash and bothering me. Not only that, but Tumblr Savior ALSO does the following for me:

Since Tumblr Savior isn’t functioning, my radar, sponsored, suggested blogs, etc are all crowding my dash and also bothering me. Those checks mean they should be hidden. They are not hidden. I’ve had to unfollow some tags that I was following because they’d keep suggesting random annoying posts to me. 

I even restored defaults and reloaded all of my saved blacklists and settings. It didn’t work. I’m assuming its obviously not up to the staff to make Tumblr Savior work because it’s not theirs. But on the other hand, it was working fine until they forced the beta on me. The beta is what’s making it not work. The beta, between all the issues I’ve mentioned before, and making me unable to use Tumblr Savior to enjoy being on the site comfortably, is making it basically impossible for me to be on the site at all. I’ve mentioned all of this information in the three emails I sent and none of it was effectively acknowledged, let alone fixed.

And lastly:

I just... I really REALLY hate this. I hate it on mobile (but I tolerate it), and I REEEALLY hate it on desktop (I REALLY want it gone!!). Desktop and mobile don’t need to be similar!! Desktop is desktop and mobile is mobile, stop changing them to be the same constantly!! AT LEAST give users an option to turn this stupid number’s visibility off! I get tons of notifications from all my blogs, I get a TON (99+) on my main blog alone! I don’t want this here!! I don’t need to be notified I have notifications, I know! I don’t need to be pressured and pestered to look at them every frickin time I get one!! This is one of those changes that didn’t need to be added!

Instead of breaking everything on the site, and focusing on the appearance of Tumblr, here are just SOME of the suggestions/requests that TONS of users have mentioned in the past, all of which (to my knowledge) have been ignored or unseen by staff:

The ability to change what blog is your main blog.

FIXING THE TAGS, so posts ACTUALLY appear in them and none of the other issues happen.

When all posts containing a certain tag are deleted, the tag stops appearing in your tag history.

Fix the problem where posts with links in them don't show up in tags.

PROPER BLOCKING. If I block a blog, I don’t want to see it ANYWHERE. I don’t want to see it in tags I look at, I don’t want to see it reblogged onto my dash by people I follow. I want it completely GONE so I don’t have to blacklist URLs.

Sending asks from a side blog

THE F*CKING BOT PROBLEMS!!!

Add the different text fonts and colors available on mobile also available on desktop

When a blog is reported, DONT JUST GIVE THE OPTION TO BLOCK. They're being reported FOR A REASON.

When a blog is hidden from Google search results, you can no longer search for tags/posts on that blog's search bar. FIX THAT.

There's been a glitch lately where if you click a notification about a post to see said post, it says the post no longer exists/has been deleted when it hasn't.

Make it so when you block a blog on your main blog, it blocks that blog on all your sideblogs too.

When the OP is deleted, delete all reblogs of the post.

After I finished this post, TAG CRAWLER STOPPED WORKING. FIX THAT! Unbelievable.

There's plenty more ACTUALLY helpful things that could be changed or added, but these are the ones I see talked about the most. Anyone who reblogs this, please don't add more because it's not the point of this post, thanks.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m emailing it to the support and hoping the staff actually read and do something about it. To any users reading this, reblogging to signal boost is much appreciated. Any additions backing up what I’ve said here are appreciated as well; especially if the staff take the time to look through the notes to see I really am not the only one who strongly dislikes this beta and is having far more issues with it than it’s worth.

#tumblr #isas save tag #long post #signal boost

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 20 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Yeah, it’s been a minute. But we love you and we hope you like this chapter. XOXO! Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Violet and Sutan bonded, Courtney made a new friend, and the final preparations for Fashion Week occured.  

This Chapter: Welcome to Fashion Week.

***

Trixie loved Fashion Week, loved all the inspiration and all of the interesting people, but the long lines, the incredibly skinny models and the general chaos were some of his least favorite things.

(He also never had high hopes for Europe, but Fame had talked about him potentially skipping Paris, which meant he would at least escape the French.)

“Baby, your car is here!”

“Coming!” Trixie grabbed his phone, wallet and a pair of sunglasses before he left the room he shared with Katya, ready to face the day. It was early morning, but Fame had asked him to swing by her house so she could check his outfit in person before the day started.

Katya was standing by the door, a bright smile on her face as she held out a backpack to him.

“… What’s that?”

“It’s your backpack, silly!” Katya laughed, rolling her eyes. The backpack was a stylish black one, but as soon as Katya opened it, an explosion of color appeared.

“I packed your camera, your powerbank, a few of your business cards and some snacks, just in case you get hungry.”

“You’re like my mom,” Trixie blushed, equally parts ashamed and happy with Katya. “But like… cool.”

“You always know what to say to a girl.” Katya laughed and helped Trixie put the backpack on. “Now go, unless you want to be late!”

“I love you.” Trixie smiled, unable to actually understand how he had managed to get a girl as amazing as Katya.

“I love you too, sugarbutt.”

***

SUTAN: Hey lovely eyes, what shows are you catching today?

VIOLET: You’re texting like I won’t be sitting outside waiting for Fame.

VIOLET: She’s doing Vera this afternoon

SUTAN: Do you want to go inside?

VIOLET: Can you do that?

SUTAN: I’ve been known to work magic ;)

VIOLET: Don’t tempt me. I have work.

SUTAN: It’s Fashion Week baby, let loose and have fun!

VIOLET: I’ll take it into consideration.

SUTAN: Call me if you figure something out. I’m sure the models can handle themselves ;)

VIOLET: High hopes

SUTAN: You being snarky is a lot less fun when I can’t kiss you

***

Pearl stumbled through Lincoln Center, more than a little hungover. Luckily, she’d run into an old hookup when she’d arrived--a stylist who happily loaned her a Chanel dress in exchange for a few minutes of breathless fun, and Pearl had never been one to say no to something that paid off.

She didn’t feel her best, but she looked damn amazing, which was really all that mattered.

Pearl scanned the crowd, looking for interesting people to stop, maybe even talk to for Galactica’s new youtube channel. Her eyes lit up at a cute little pink-haired girl bouncing along in a Galactica skirt suit that fit her like a glove, and it took her a few moments to register that she actually knew the girl.

“Courtney!” she called, and Courtney stopped and turned towards her. She was wearing a messenger bag and holding a large to-go cup of coffee, phone clutched in her other hand and notebook tucked under her arm.

“Oh...hi, Pearl.” Courtney smiled brightly, her energy betraying the fact that she was clearly a newbie, Fashion Week not yet destroying her soul.

“You look great!” Pearl said, and Courtney’s smile grew even bigger, lashes fluttering coyly. “Spin around.”

Courtney twirled, giggling.

“Can I take a picture for our Insta? You know, of how to wear Galactica flawlessly?” Pearl asked. She figured that it didn’t hurt to really pile on the compliments, seeing as how Courtney bloomed like a rose with any praise.

“Sure!” Courtney exclaimed, and then a worried look flashed across her face. “Or...well, maybe not this second. Miss Fame is waiting and I have to get this to her while it’s hot-”

“Right, of course, but this is also work business, yeah? Please,” Pearl gave her signature pouty look, the one she knew that no one could resist.

“Well...okay. If we’re really quick.” Courtney gestured to everything in her hands. “What should I do with this stuff?”

“Keep it! It’s part of the whole effect. And um, pretend you’re talking on the phone.”

Courtney tucked the phone between her ear and shoulder, posing. She’d clearly done this in the mirror many times, giving Pearl sexy angles right away. Adorable.

“Yaaas! Omigod, administrative realness. This is great!” Pearl snapped a few photos, and then thanked her. “Okay, I’ll let you go now, but tell me your Instagram handle so I can tag you.”

“Courtney Act Jenek. J - E - N - E - K.”

It took Pearl a moment to register, but then she began to laugh.

“Wait, hold up. Courtney Act? Are you serious?”

“It’s my middle name. My parents love puns,” Courtney said with an apologetic shrug.

“That’s fucking silly, girl. Love it,” Pearl said, shaking her head. “Okay, found you. You’re free to go now!”  

“Bye Pearl! See you later!” Courtney called, dashing off with that spring still in her step. Pearl shook her head. Ahh, new kids. So full of hope.

***

“Raven! Raven over here!”

Raven smiled as she pulled her sunglasses down, allowing the crowd of paparazzi to get a glimpse of her eyes. She turned, allowing the cameras to get a photo of her back too, her ass looking downright amazing in her tight skirt. Raven was long past the days of hanging out outside of major shows for an ounce of media attention, but she wasn’t above letting the street style photographers and the paparazzi get a picture of her outfit if she looked good.

“Who are you wearing?”

“Galactica of course!” Raven ran a hand through her hair, making sure the black locks cascaded in just the right way.

“And that’s enough, princess.” Raven looked up at her fiancée, Raja watching her with a smile, the blue power suit sinfully sexy.

Raja had taken forever to leave the car, her fiancée emailing someone about something that Raven didn’t care about. She knew Raja just wanted to get to the show, that she just wanted to take her seat and watch the Calvin Klein show, but Raven was never one to miss an opportunity for good pictures.

“For me?” Raven snuck her arm under Raja’s, pulling on her elbow, and with an exasperated groan, Raja posed for the cameras, the two of them standing side by side like the true power couple they were.  

***

“Ouch! What the fuck bitch, don’t punch me!”

Bianca rolled her eyes; she had merely elbowed her sister in the side, trying to get her attention. The two of them were sitting in the front row, waiting for the Calvin Klein show to start.

Bianca took off her sunglasses and used them to point across the room, flashing a dimpled smile at the paparazzi, who went insane the minute she took off her shades.

“Who’s that with Fame?” Bianca pointed, “Isn’t that your friend?” She vaguely recognized the girl, who was handing Fame a Starbucks cup.

“Oh yeah! That’s Courtney!”

Adore waved enthusiastically at Courtney, unfortunately not catching her attention as she made her way to her own seat in the back row, far away from both of them and Fame.

“Right. What’s she doing here?”

“She’s Fame’s new assistant. I helped her get the interview,” Adore said proudly. “Do you like her hair? I totally colored it yesterday!”

The girl in question had hair tinted rose-gold and pinned up in a chignon, and was wearing a deeper pink bouclé skirt suit that Bianca recognized from Galactica’s 2013 collection. Bianca had met her a few times, she supposed, but must have brushed her off as just a random college kid, one of her baby sister’s many friends. Now though, seeing her all dolled up with chic, mature styling...Bianca found herself thoroughly enchanted.

“Yeah, it’s cute,” Bianca said benignly. How was it possible that she’d never noticed how absolutely stunning Adore’s best friend was? And Bianca was no stranger to beautiful girls--she was editor in chief of a fashion magazine, for Christ’s sake. But this one had the kind of face that made Bianca feel pain in her chest. Bianca forced her eyes away to tease, “Definitely better than yours.”

“Fuck off!” Adore laughed, as Bianca gave her newly purple locks a playful tug. “I look fucking cool and you know it.”

She did look great, actually. The rich, dark purple suited her complexion much better than the fading green she’d covered up, and made her blue eyes pop even more. And best of all, today she’d actually made an effort to style it--as well as wearing tights without a single rip. But Bianca wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of knowing how proud she was, slipping her sunglasses back on with a haughty shrug.

“If you say so…” The dimples gave her away, though, and Adore giggled, kissing her cheek and then leaning a head on her shoulder.

As the show began, Bianca found her eyes being pulled back in Courtney’s direction, taking in the star-struck awe of her expression as the models strutted down the runway. Her enthusiasm was refreshing and charming, and by the time the show was over, Bianca realized she had spent more time enjoying her gorgeous, dreamy-eyed face than she had judging the clothes.

***

Courtney sat in the car, positively vibrating with excitement. Even if she had only seen the show from the back row, it had been amazing. The lights, the music, the girls and the clothes coming together. And, equally thrilling: Miss Fame had not snapped at her or rolled her eyes at her once all morning. In fact, when she’d left her to get into her own car to go to lunch, Courtney could have sworn that she almost had a smile on her face.

All of it had seemed like a dream, a perfect dream. Courtney was determined; she could do her job, she could be a fashion girl, and with her new clothes and amazing hair, she would kick all the ass.

Courtney was pulled out of her thoughts when the car door opened and Violet slid in besides her.

“Thank god, I thought I would never find the car! I always forget how crazy it is at Lincoln Center.” Violet didn’t even look at Courtney as she talked, her concentration on her wallet as she pulled out a 20 and handed it to the driver. “Get us to Bryant Park, and then you can get yourself lunch.”

“Yes Miss.” The driver smiled at Violet, quickly snatching the 20 dollars from her hand as he pulled out from the curb.

“Has everything gone well so far? Did Fame make it to the show? Did you like it?”

Violet was still roaming around in her bag, not giving Courtney time to answer her before she pulled out several food items.

“I got you that green juice, and a protein bar. I hope you like peanut butter because that’s all they-”

Violet looked up for the first time since she got in the car, horror filling her face and a loud scream leaving her lips, dropping the juice on the floor.

“What have you done to your hair!?”

Courtney felt dread fill her entire body. It had seemed like such a good idea yesterday. Adore told her it looked “bitchin,” both her mum and brother had loved it on Facebook, and even Pearl had gushed earlier about how cute she looked.

“I...I dyed it?”

"Yes, I can see that.” Violet was so clearly trying not to panic. She reached out, grabbing a strand and running it through her fingers. “Is it permanent?!" Violet held the hair up.

"No, I thought-" Courtney swallowed.

"Oh thank god." Violet released the hair, and Courtney sat up. She crossed her arms, leaning back in her seat and closed her eyes, clearly taking deep breaths through her nose, her nails digging into her upper arm. "Good.”

Courtney bit her lip.

Violet looked angry, and maybe she should have given her a heads-up.

“I...I just thought that it would look cute with all the stuff Ivy picked out for me this week. There’s...a lot of pink. And people seem to like it-” Courtney twirled nervously on a lock of hair that had escaped her updo. She considered mentioning the photo Pearl took this morning, but decided against it.

"Could you not talk please?" Violet asked, eyes still closed, everything about her radiating anger.

“Okay.” Courtney swallowed, sitting back uncomfortably, ready to suffer through the rest of the ride in silence. So much for her kick-ass day.  

***

“She dyed her hair, Ivy.”

Ivy had to hide a smile. Violet was whispering, but she could feel how upset she was, the two of them standing at the very back of a show, the runway so far away they could barely see the models.

“Well,” Ivy shrugged. “I think it looks good.” Courtney did look amazing, the pink light and fun and very trendy.

“That’s not the point,” Violet hissed, and Ivy actually turned her head slightly, watching Violet out of the corner of her eyes. “She made that decision without consulting anyone-”

“Nothing happened.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t understand-” Violet took a deep breath through her nose. “When I picked a coral nail polish, Fame sent my right back to the manicurist--”

“But Violet,” Ivy reasoned, “Coral is an actual human atrocity.”

She had hoped the joke would lighten the mood, but Violet blushed instead, and surprisingly, she continued talking.

“--in the middle of the day! I had to work nights for an entire week to reschedule and catch-”

Ivy could clearly see how anxious Violet was, wound tight as a top. It reminded her of when she’d first started, over a year ago, no training or procedures or anything in place from her predecessor, but if possible this seemed even worse. It had taken less than a month before the girl became robotically efficient at her job, no one ever seeing her sweat--one of the best assistants Ivy had ever worked with. But now, ever since Courtney started, Ivy noticed that cool confidence faltering. She wondered why--Courtney seemed perfectly capable to her, if a little overwhelmed, but an extra set of hands was an extra set of hands. She wasn’t sure why Violet was finding it so difficult to handle having her in the office. She wished there was something she could do to ease her tension.

“But,” Ivy placed a hand on Violet’s arm. “Fame likes Courtney’s hair, so try not to worry about it, okay?”

Violet sighed, her teeth sinking into her pink lip as she leaned back against the wall, her fingers tight on her skirt.

***

Max felt an arm sneak around his waist, distracting him from the girl he was just about to chase down to get a picture of. He turned around and smiled when he saw who it was.

“So do you like the new camera I got you, sweetheart?”

“Hey Miss.”

“Have you found anything interesting?”

Fame smiled, looking up at Max. Even with heels, Fame barely made it to Max’s shoulder.

“I think I got some pretty good shots, do you want to see them?”

“I’d love that, darling.”

Max and Fame quickly found a seat in a nearby VIP lounge where Max got a drink for each of them. Fame lazily sipped on her glass of rosé as Max showed her the pictures he had taken so far that day.

“How has your day been?” Max put away his camera, watching the other partygoers out of the corner of his eye, looking for anything and anyone interesting.

“Well enough I suppose, for the first day of course.” Fame took a sip of her drink, enjoying the fact that she could spend a few quiet moments with Max.

***

Violet took a deep breath, the evening air fresh for New York. The 30 minute wait period had passed, Fame not reaching out to her to demand anything, so Violet had to assume that Fame had everything she needed.

She had released Courtney early, the other so happy she got to go home after a long day of standing around in heels, trying her best to look pretty, stay out of the way, and be useful.

For a lot of people, Fashion Week was all glitz and glamor, the whole thing a desperate dash to be seen in as many places as possible, to be the most important, the most fashionable, the most beautiful.

For Violet though, she couldn’t wait to go home, close the door and take a long shower.

Every time she saw that stupid pink hair, she was reminded of what terrible decisions the other girl made, constantly, how she was not to be trusted, how if Violet wanted her promotion, she had better be on top of things 24/7 to guarantee that Courtney was ready to take over the office.

Ivy didn’t seem to see the problem, which had only made Violet feel worse, disaster right around the corner, and she was apparently the only one knowing it was on the horizon.

She had clearly been too soft with Courtney, but that ended now.

No more friendly, easy-going coworker.

#rpdr fanfiction #thedane #veronica #galactica #vitan #trixya #raja x raven #bitney #violet chachki #raja gemini #raven #courtney act #bianca del rio #adore delano #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #pearl liaison #miss fame #ivy winters #max malanaphy #lesbian au #fashion au

[collateralfiction]

OBJ Short

DREW

“Aye, three stacks, where you at, my love?”

With a little help from my coconut and avocado oil concoction, I carefully combed through my tresses and slicked my hair into a low ponytail at the back of my head. I was growing frustrated with having my natural hair out for so long that I was honestly contemplating siting through 5 hours of faux locs. And God knows I have zero patience to sit for an extended period of time, let alone have someone in my head at that. With Air Pods sticking in my ears, I could barely hear my best friend yelling at me from downstairs. Sliding back into my fluffy slippers, I stepped out of my room, looked over the staircase and down at her with a cheesy smile.

“Well don’t you look amazing. Jimmy Choo?”

“Absolutely and why are you not ready?” she sassed, placing her hand on her hips.

“Girl, it’s only All-Star weekend. This is not the Met Gala and the only reason I’m going is because you asked me to go. If I had my way, I would rather sit home and not get classified with a bunch of thirsty women trying to trap someone else’s man. Been through that and I’m past that,”

“I know how you feel about it, mama. But honestly, we’re just going for a good time and to network like usual. Stop acting ugly,” Kory laughed.

“You know I would rather stay in and catch up on The Walking Dead but fine. My outfit is already picked out too. I just need to throw it on. Being natural is so time consuming,” I complained as I watched her take her time up my spiral staircase.

“But it seems like you had more than enough time to do that face of yours,” she laughed, hugging me tightly. It was always Drew and Kory or Kory and Drew. If you see one, you would see either one of us not too far behind. That’s just how it went. I would say I was a social butterfly but when I find people I click with, I tend to stick with them and have reservations on wanting to make new friends.

“Oh girl, you know I love a good beat. I didn’t do anything too crazy. Just foundation, highlight, eyebrows, eyelash and lips,”

“So again, a full beat,” she laughed, pushing me into the bedroom.

“Oh, bitch. Call us an Uber or something,” I said as I dropped my robe and quickly ran into my walk-in closet to pick up the outfit of the day. Since it was only a simple basketball game that would be filled with multiple press outlets, celebrities and spectators, I still had to look my best. I wore a bright two-piece neon green sweater skirt set, and paired it with my favorite Versace sandals- if you must know the name, they’re called the Triple Strap Platform High-Heel Sandals. The heels in itself is perfect for me because with my little above average height and toned legs, it’ll just bring out even further my Goddess like features. Not to bring all the attention on me, I grabbed one of my favorite fringed black jean jackets to seal in the look. I normally carried a bag with me, but I figure a Fendi fanny pack to sling across my body would be so much easier.

“No Uber. We got car service and it’s downstairs waiting,” she said as she leaned against the doorway. “Woah, mama. You look damn hot. You’re sure to get someone’s attention tonight. Use the Burberry Her scent. It’s so refreshing,” she suggested.

“Thank you, babe. I’m pretty much done. We can go before I find something else I need to do,” I smiled.

“Wait, we have got to take some photos first. Because you know after this, we’re going to the afterparty,” she expressed, walking into the connected bathroom. When I moved into this house almost five years ago, everything that I had in here was crafted to what I wanted specifically. Everything had to be of my standards and whether that was me ripping everything out and starting from the ground up, so be it. My bathroom had one of the largest mirrors in the house, spanning from the floor to the ceiling as soon as you walked in. That’s where most of my photos were taken as people have noticed a certain pattern on Instagram.

“Smile, bitch,” Kory said, immediately smizing like the professional model she is.

I turned to the side to show the profile of my body and the shoes, smiling seductively in the picture. We took turns taking solo pictures of one another until we both sought out at least three good pictures we both could put on IG. Soon after, we both dashed out of the house and into the waiting car.

The ride to the Staples Center was nothing short of traffic and corny jokes shared between Kory and I. We couldn’t help but laugh at all the Instagram models suddenly making an appearance at a sports’ filled event. I could understand if they were going to support their love ones or something else in between. But to just be here for clout and attention is lame. At least pretend like you keep up with the festivities.

As we entered the world-renowned arena, we were escorted promptly to our seats to make it in time for the National Anthem. But Kory and I couldn’t help but say hi to many of the familiar faces we passed. I preferred to be seated in the skybox up top, but this was the All-Star game. It was only right that we sit courtside and by Gabrielle Union, DJ Khaled and Ludacris. Kory had someone grab us some refreshments while we settled in comfortably and I couldn’t help but to take out my phone and do a photo-op with Mrs. Wade. The arena begun to darken with the announcement of the National Anthem beginning. As much shit this country has put people of color through, I didn’t feel the need to stand. But if the players were going to stand tall and hold their head’s high, that was the least I could do. So, we stood and laughed.

Fergie was chosen to sing the National Anthem. Aside from being a part of the Black Eyed Peas, and a few hits of her own, I wasn’t the first one to be eager to put her music on. But hey, this meant more publicity to her and probably a great marketing tool. I didn’t understand the need to change up the format of the song, but Fergie’s slow and jazzy rendition missed the target. “What in the world?” I muttered, stifling back laughter. Kory’s snickers and slick comments had me and Gabby ready to throw the towel in and walk out of the arena. After taking a look at Draymond’s face, I knew from that moment on I could no longer hold it in. It even progressively grew worse when she yelled “Let’s play some basketball!”

The chatter continued around Fergie’s interesting remix of a song before the game begun to really start. I was actually happy that Kory convinced me to come out tonight because it made me realize how lax and chill the All Star games are when they’re competing in the name of charity and having fun. By the time halftime came around, Team Stephen was ahead by two points and it was still a close game. Pharell, N.E.R.D and Migos led the halftime show performance which gave me enough opportunity to get up and walk around. Kevin Hart and Drake were on the opposite sides of the court and I made it my business to harass the two men who call themselves my big brothers before making a quick beeline to the bathroom.

“Ass check,” Kory said. I laughed as I turned around so she could take a look. The things she would say would be so out of pocket and random, but I swear she’s the only person I know who could get away with it. “Great so when Mr. Blonde Curls comes over here for a sneak peek, everything will look proper,” she smiled.

“Who?” I questioned, sliding my glasses atop my head.

“Odell Beckham Jr. He is so damn fine. But I know he doesn’t like black girls but the way he’s looking at you, would make me eat my words all over again,”

“Girl, you just said a mouthful that will have to be addressed later,” I said, shaking my head as I turned my head to follow the direction of her eyes before our eyes both locked together and my words got caught in my throat. It was him. I quickly turned around and grabbed her hand to move her back to our seats. “I think he was looking at someone else. Come on, let’s go sit before it starts back up again,” Out of curiosity, I turned my head around to see if he was still staring at me and to my surprise he was.

I hadn’t seen this man since LSU days, how does he still recognize me?

ODELL

“They ain’t never gone invite my black ass up here; we cutting up way too much,” Ben laughed, taking another sip of the Henny and coke mix. You couldn’t really take Ben anywhere but what would be a party without Ben? It was impossible. He was needed whether you liked him or not. I couldn’t miss the 2018 All Star Basketball game even if I wanted to. The stars were aligned for me to attend. I was in L.A. to see my pops and brother, have a few meetings lined up with Nike and hey, the All Star weekend just happened to fall in my lap. Right time and place. I couldn’t pass up on the opportunity. And, I had my right hand man Ben. Perfect. “You’re making fun of the back of this nigga head. He finna spin that camera on your ass and show them what they don’t really want to see,” he said as he continued to blabber on and on.

“Don’t be upset because Dave Chapelle ain’t laugh at your corny ass joke,” I snickered. “Or the fact that the bets these kids have been making thus far, you’re losing in all of them. That’s crazy, broskie,” I said.

“You know what? That just sounds like words from a true hater. My new mixtape gone have you as the very first athlete that gets dissed, can’t wait,”

“Don’t matter to me long as I can still dress,” I said, shoving his arm. He was always trying to come for my dome and by now, I was used to all of his antics.

“Ain’t no one worried about you and that damn Supreme satchel my nigga sold you on,” he said, kissing his teeth.

“Man, I’m tired of this. Keep my seat warm,” I said as I stretched a little and grabbed my empty cup of beer. The arena had plenty of employees but not for a tiny second would any of them leave our section alone just to make sure we were satisfied and had everything we needed. I’m sure they were excited to see big stars and this is probably not the first time, but I would get tired quick waiting hand and feet on us celebrities. Absolutely not.

The halftime show was underway which put everyone else’s attention on the performer, my eyes were locked on someone else. She passed me on the way to her seat and I couldn’t place a name to the face, but I knew her. Her laugh was the same as I remembered it; so vivid. But where did I know her from? I had to distract myself with things around me or else I’d be staring at her the whole time, trying to figure it out. And knowing Ben so well, he’d pick up the pieces. I was tempted to walk over there and say something but how do you introduce yourself to a stranger without it being strange? You don’t. I posed for a few photo-ops before finding myself a bathroom, grabbing some snacks and making my way back out just in time for the start of the third quarter.

I wasn’t too interested in the game after my mind was warped with trying to figure out how did I know her. After another hour and a half of the game, team Lebron came out with the win. It was a close game and it was no brainer that Lebron James was walking away with the MVP award and title for the night. He scored 29 points, had 10 rebounds and 8 assists. Tell me he wasn’t dedicated.

The floor was mixed with a bunch of people; reporters, players, celebrities, you name it. I lost her in the crowd of people, and it wasn’t helping that Ben was trying to build the courage to talk to Beyoncé, knowing damn well he was the last thing on her mind. “Yo, bro, we finna head over to the afterparty,” I wasn’t too interested in going out myself but after convincing myself that a night out wouldn’t do me any harm, I agreed to go. Besides that, I couldn’t let my boy have all the fun.

___

She was there again.

Cabaret was a popular club in New York and had recently opened up a spot in Los Angeles. It had only been opened for a month thus far but the way the lines were wrapped around the block, and the fact that the club itself was at its capacity just showed you how well thought out and lucrative it is to open a club of this magnitude. I nodded my head to the beat of the music as I followed behind the security team to Snoop’s VIP area. All I saw were girls, girls and more girls, big ass bottles of champagne and a thick cloud of smoke. But sitting behind in the corner was the same woman I saw earlier at the game, with her friend I’m assuming, talking to Lonzo Ball. What are the odds? Everyone must know everyone in Hollywood.

“What are you staring at so damn hard?” Ben asked, after grabbing a glass of champagne from one of the waitresses and handing it to me.

“Her,” I mumbled. “She looks familiar, but I don’t know where from,”

“You fucked her?” he said, stepping in front of my view.

“I gotta fuck everyone to say they look familiar?” I questioned, crossing my arms over my chest.

“You fucked-“

“Okay, happenstance which doesn’t really count. Move outta my way real quick,” I said.

“Aye, you want me to help? I could be the wingman, ice breaker, whatever your stiff ass needs,” he chuckled, throwing his hands up. I chuckled, shaking my head as I passed him by and went towards the direction of the lady in question. I stopped midway when I realized I didn’t really have a game plan and the fact that she was surrounded by people only really meant that this wasn’t the moment to approach her. Let me fall back.

“Beckham! Brody, what’s happening, boy? I haven’t seen you in weeks,” I turned around and smiled, bringing Drake into a brotherly hug. Out of all those that put on a show in this industry, Drake was really a stand-up dude and even a few months back, I was crashing at his place till I was well adjusted. I could never repay him for that.

“Ah man, Champagne Papi, what it do, man? I’m out here with Ben crazy ass, just getting in some fun in the sun,”

“Or stirring up some trouble. Aye, listen. I’m about to head on out but I’m having a little get together at my crib in Calabasas. Come through, I’ll send you the details,” he said as he patted my shoulder. “Bring Ben too. He’s good times.”

“This nigga finna be hype as shit. Will do, brody,” I said, giving him one last dap before I parted ways and greeted Snoop. I wasn’t that big of a drinker to begin with, but no one would know it by how hype and energize I was by just music alone. It was sort of like a painkiller for me. Just the beat alone could put me in a great mood no matter what the situation was. The club itself didn’t look like it dying down anytime soon and maybe an hour or two into the party, I had lost Ben in the crowd of people. With a dead cellphone and cloud of smoke hanging around me, there was no way possible I would be able to locate him. So, I sat on the couch, hoping he would notice his friend with the blonde curls wasn’t dancing any longer.

“I’ll be right back, Kory. I promise. I just need to get some fresh air,”

“Drew, I am not letting you leave by yourself. I’ll come,” My ears perked up at that revelation as I turned my head to the left to listen. They were there the whole night and in their own zone with conversation. We locked eyes a couple of times, but they were quickly cut short by either her friend, Kory, blocking my view or some random girl trying her best to persuade and talk to me.

Her name is Drew.

Drew Jordan.

DJ.

We went to Louisiana State University together.

That’s exactly how I knew her; a short flame that quickly fizzled as soon as I made it pro. I got up and grabbed my bottle of water and followed behind her slowly, watching her every movement. She still looked the same as before and I just didn’t know how I could forget a face like hers or a smile as radiating as hers could be. All of a sudden it felt like reality was sinking in. “Drew?” I called out as soon as I stepped outside. She stood off to the side drinking from a bottle of Sprite. I had watched her for five minutes before deciding to call her name. She turned around slowly and her eyes widened upon seeing me. “I probably caught you off guard, I ain’t mean to do that… I just been staring at you since the game and… I probably sound like a straight up creep,” I laughed, walking towards her. “Do you remember me?”

“Doesn’t matter if I remember you, everyone knows you,” she smirked. “But, how could I forget? How are you, Odell?”

“I’m doing great.. I can’t complain. I love how you say my name like we don’t got history, girl,” I teased, taking a step closer towards her.

She chuckled slightly and twisted the cap back onto her soda bottle and looked at me. “Well, if I do say so myself, I do recall once upon a time someone denying my phone calls so…” she trailed off.

“That wasn’t intentional, baby. I mean- Drew,” I said, tucking my bottom lip into my mouth to prevent me from saying anything else but I think it only had the opposite effect as the words already came out of my mouth.

“Calm down, Odell. It’s an Orleans thing, I get it,” she laughed. “I also understand that your career took off so damn quick, so I’m not surprised we lost touch. It happens in life,” she shrugged. I could tell she was cold by the way she tried to grip her jacket closer. It was corny but I was thinking I should offer up my jacket for an added layer of heat.

“Do you want my jacket? I think trying to look cute caught up to yo stubborn ass,” I teased, already shrugging my jacket off and placing it around her shoulders.

“Now you know I have a jacket of my own and now you’re going to get sick,” She said.

“That’s fine, that just means you gotta come to the crib and take care of me,” I winked.

“You haven’t changed at all,” she snickered. “I’m sure your girlfriend wouldn’t be too thrilled to see another woman’s face all in her man’s space,”

“Most likely not but you’re not just another woman. You’re a pretty woman that I got history with and I don’t have a girlfriend so it works out even better,” I smiled.

“Oooh, lucky me. Maybe I’ll finally get a text back from you,” she laughed, the dimples in her smile making my stomach flutter upside down.

“Nah, you ain’t never gonna let that go. Are you?” The quick shake to the head was all the confirmation I needed. “How about this, I take you out tomorrow from brunch or something along the lines of that and we just catch up completely. No bullshit, just like LSU days,” Her lips twisted to the side as she tapped her finger on her chin a few times in contemplation. From what I remember of Drew, she has always been stubborn but that’s what attracted me to her instantly. She had a good head on her shoulder and what could be looked at as arrogance was actually her just being confident which is one thing we had in common from the jump.

She was fiery, passionate and a damn bad ass athlete. Not to mention I thought she was so beautiful and still do, to this day. She was naturally a tom boy; she dressed in nothing but Nike tracksuits and Jordan’s. But she made it work because she always had her hair done up, nails on like Flo Jo and would do her make up every now and then. Then when she really wanted to show out, she would completely dress up and would wear the tightest possible dresses ever. And of course, that would piss me off because of all the attention she would get from guys. If it wasn’t from me and me only, I didn’t want her receiving anyone else’s attention.

We fit together like puzzle pieces.

“It’s a deal, but only on the ground that I get to choose the location,” she smirked.

“You know I like to take control. Let me pick it and you pay,” I countered.

Her laughter radiated and became louder as she bent down a little. “Fuck all the way off!” she continued to laugh. “You still owe me for running me dry from my Tiger card. I swear you was only my friend for the food,” she recalled.

“Nah, you know better than that. But the 5 dining hall was the spot. You know damn well I couldn’t resist them omelets,” I laughed.

“No, you’re absolutely right. Well worth it,” she smiled. “Well, I guess this is the part where I assume we exchange information again?”

“I follow you on Instagram already,” I admitted.

“Since when?” she questioned.

“Today. After the basketball game, actually. I had to make a completely new account once I hit the pros and your old handle no longer worked so I had to do a little extra work to get your current handle,”

“Boy, bye. What extra work? You still just as dramatic as ever,” she waved off. “I guess I can do a quick follow back,” she teased.

“And while you’re at it, maybe slide me your number too,” I said, reaching for my phone, only to remember that it was dead. “Shit, or maybe you put my number in and just text me. My phone is dead,”

“Ah, making me do the work. If I text and don’t receive a text back, you’re going on the blogs, Beckham,” she said, pointing her nails in my chest.

“Deal, baby girl,” I smiled.

#this was the original short I did before I switched it around to what is currently posted #does that make sense lmao #here sumn sumn

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

The World Looks Red [Keigo Takami/Hawks]

Tag List: @mx-irony

Please read the afternote for more information.

Hate was too strong a word; Aina hated shots, but how she felt about romance was roughly similar. There was no word to exactly describe it. She felt uneasy with the aspect of love; enough said.

This is why – for the second time this week – she turned down her fellow workmate whenever the eccentric young woman tried to set her up on a blind date.

“Oh come on. It’s one itsy bitsy date,” Ikumi stated. She leaned over the teller desk and brushed her long hair behind her ear. “Besides … you may even meet the person you were meant to be with.”

Aina teasingly rolled her eyes. That was the tackiest thing she’d ever heard, but no less true.

These days soulmates were as common as the development of Quirks, albeit the phenomenon hadn’t been around quite as long – give or take fourteen years. The exact cause was unknown, but rumors were that someone in the country of Japan manifested a powerful Emitter-type Quirk and altered humanity.

No one came forward with proof of such claim, so no one really knew for sure. What they did know was that Japan was the only country at this time affected. It swept the island like a plague, and at the young age of eight, the vibrant world Aina knew ceased to exist.

All traces of color washed away. It didn’t necessarily peter out, but those affected by it could no longer see color. It was like a monochrome lens was inserted into each and every eye. Then came the awakening.

A woman in her late thirties claimed that she could still make out colors; her spouse claimed the same. Tests were administered, but to no benefit.

That was nearly three days after the phenomenon occurred, and since then, more and more people regained their loss. Each and every one of them were either married or found that a simple touch helped them see again. The only rationalized theory – Quirk experts believed – was that true love reversed the Quirk.

Bull; utter bull. Aina didn’t believe it to be true. How could people assume that love was fixed? Her parents loved each other very much; neither of them were lucky enough to have their sight returned.

Not to say that it wasn’t true, however. Couples found one another, all claiming to be awakened. The woman Aina worked for was one of them. She found love – years after the death of her husband – and swore the world lit up again.

“Doubt I will ever be that lucky. The boss didn’t meet her soulmate until she was in her late forties,” Aina explained.

The term soulmate was coined by high schoolers. It stuck like glue.

Ikumi snorted. “It’s not like they’re going to just fall into your lap. Go and meet them half way. This bank isn’t the best place to start.”

“Who knows … maybe I will meet them after I leave here. Doesn’t hurt to touch every random guy or girl on the street and hope for the best,” she joked.

Ikumi again snorted.

Now that she thought about it, she didn’t even know why Aina was leaving early in the first place.

“You took a half day, right? How come?”

Aina curled up her nose. “I have an appointment. Flu season; the doctor insists I get a shot.”

Mother insisted actually. She worked at Fukuoka Kinen Hospital. The doctor was a friend of hers and offered to see Aina. However, the only way he could fit her into his schedule was if she took a half day. Aina would have rather avoided it, but her mother was a tough one to negotiate with.

“Tough break,” Ikumi said with a look of pity. “Shots are so annoying.”

Aina nodded in agreement. You can say that again.

She waved goodbye to her friend and left through the bank doors. The outside air was much more refreshing. Aina stretched her arms over her head and yawned. When she opened her eyes, they drifted up to the heavens.

Not being able to see colors really sucked at times. She missed the color green; it was her favorite. The foliage around her house was always so pretty when she was a child. Now it just looked like the rest of the world; grey and bleak. If there was anything to regret, it was the fact she took it all for granted.

“Ma’am … watch out.”

Aina knotted her brows and turned her head to the side. She didn’t notice it before, but someone was running towards her. He was a tall individual with a cowlick in his hair.

Before she understood what was happening, he dashed forward and snatched her by the arm. A gun was pressed to the side of her head as he forced her closer to his chest. That’s when she noticed the police; four of them.

The hell was going on?

“Make a move and I will shoot her,” the man yelled in her ear.

Am I being used as a hostage?

For some reason the hard truth was not sinking in. She never thought she’d be in a situation like this. The man held her close as he shouted at the police. Aina could hardly understand him. Her heart felt like it was beating out of control.

She thought she was going to die.

But, the villain suddenly let out a loud shriek and dropped the gun. In his hand was a red feather. Aina stared at it in shock. She never even thought about running.

How is it that I can see the color?

Before she or the police could even react, the furious man shoved her forward and activated his quirk. Aina felt her entire body lift into the air; tossed with such intensity that her head began to spin. She screamed in fear, but nothing could prevent what had already been done.

She felt like she may be sick. Her sight quickly came back and she glanced down at the street beneath her. Everyone looked so tiny – she realized the gravity of the situation and knew that she might not survive this.

Not wanting to see how fast the pavement was advancing on her, she closed her eyes tight. It was better this way.

A pair of arms slid beneath her own and suddenly she wasn’t falling any more. But how? Another quirk? Aina opened her eyes. What she saw brought tears to her eyes.

Scarlet feathers; they twirled and glided in the sky around her. But how? She didn’t understand any of this.

“They are so beautiful.” Aina had never seen anything so pretty.

A soft laugh brought her to reality again. She now remembered – someone had saved her. There was only one person she knew of in Fukuoka who had wings. Hawks; the number 2 hero.

She glanced back in his direction with the intent to thank him. Tears leaked down her cheeks.

His keen eyes were wide with shock. There was no way he was seeing this. Color ignited in her eyes; so blue and so beautiful. Keigo nearly dropped her as she stared up at his wings. It made him wonder why he could not see anymore than what was being shown to him.

“Who are you?”

Aina felt her face heat up. “I’m … not anyone.”

“Must be someone, for us to have met like this. Like it was fated,” he said with a smile.

She puckered her brow. “Isn’t it your job as a hero? There is nothing fated about it.”

“A skeptic; that’s something.”

Aina nodded in agreement. “It’s a little cliché to me.”

“No doubt about that,” Keigo said. He saw the police arrest the villain and flew down with the intent to set her on the ground. Once she was out of his arms, her eyes faded out. “Have to admit though, it’s nice to see color again.”

Even though her eyes were the only source.

With the ambulance on the way, Keigo knew that his job was done. Yet he couldn’t force himself to leave. He reached out and touched her shoulder just to be sure. Her eyes again ignited with shades of blue and green; colors he could only remember seeing as a small child before he went colorblind.

“Isn’t this something?”

Aina stared at him a minute. The wings behind him faded to grey once he removed his hand. It saddened her a little.

“I guess this means we are soulmates.”

Keigo puckered a brow. “You sound let down. I’m not that bad of a guy.”

“Don’t take it that way,” Aina said in a panic. She brought up her hands in defense. “I just … don’t know how to deal with this. Where do we even go from here?”

He wasn’t sure himself. The idea of love wasn’t something Keigo had even thought about before. He was a pro hero. Love was merely something he thought may have passed him by – until today. It was too soon for him to say, but he could not deny that there was something special about her. She was easy on the eyes too.

Keigo combed back his hair. What to do? He honestly did not want to lose this chance to see color again. “How about diner? My treat, of course.”

Her face again felt warm. Should she? The thought scared her. She did not like change, but the color she saw interested her.

“I suppose. My name is Aina by the way.”

He sat his hands on his sides – a move she often saw heroes do; it made her smile. “Hawks, but you can call me your hero if you like.”

Aina chuckled. Easy on the eyes and able to make her laugh; maybe this wasn’t so bad. She wasn’t totally convinced it was fated, however. Just part of his job. Her being there was just coincidence.

But maybe not. Aina decided that looking at it with an open mind was probably the best idea. For her sake, anyway. She exchanged numbers with Hawks and spoke with him until the ambulance came. Once he was gone, she clutched her phone to her chest and smiled.

Had she really found her soulmate?

--

A/n: There is a sequel in the works. More Hawks and more Aina. 

#my hero academia #hawks x oc #soulmate

[rotenpk]

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better

I was tagged by my soulmate and all time favorite weebweeb, @kittycatgirl1600

nickname: natalqui, natalwee(i), weeb, web, webweb, weebweeb, natawee, natanoot, nootnoot, nootalie, sissy, natalree, natanee, nat, natty

real name: Natalie (if you couldn’t tell from all the nicknames)

zodiac: Pisces (let’S GO WOO I’M A FISH, BABEY)

favorite sports team: Gainesville Red Elephants (Wrestling team specifically, fuck all other sports)

other blogs: alternatetrash is my transformers blog, alternatetrash2 is a sort of dump blog specifically for posts I feel belong somewhere other than my main or something horny so i don’t seem H.O.M., and itstheunholygrailofmysin is a blog completely dedicated to reblogs I hold in the highest regard and absolutely love. Please don’t go looking for them you will regret it.

do I get asks: HA. ABSOLUTELY N-yeah sometimes. Mainly from friends.

how many blogs are you following: 271. The amount of times I open this app in a single day is frankly worryingly high and my brain requires a constant stream of new content so if I’m not following an ungodly amount of people I will run out of new things to see on my dash and then get bored and frustrated and will cry.

tumblr crushes: @srcasticking you fucknign KNow ITe bABBEY I fucking LOVE YUOU

lucky numbers: 5 and 3. Pretty sexy numbers ngl.

what are you wearing: an annoyingly blue getup of nike shorts and a nylon coach jacket for the Indians.

dream vacation: Chernobyl, because it’s open as a tourist attraction. That or anywhere there’s beautiful flowering trees or mountain outlooks or clean air, because I want so badly to just be at peace with the world and get away from the overwhelm that is my existence.

dream car: A functional one. preferably a Nissan Versa because I’m familiar with it’s look and feel. I crave familiarity in a car because it eases my anxiety about driving a lot.

favorite food: Mangoes! fcukinh MANGOES. GOOD SHIT. or refreshing fruits in general but like MANGO.

drink of choice: Water. Figuring out that my constant headaches, light headedness, irritated and flaky skin, and ungodly chapped lips would go away if I drank like 2 sips of water everyday at the tender age of 12 was a fucking transcendent experience. I took that fucking sip, babe.

instruments: my vocal chords??? I played the clarinet and cello in elementary school, does that count?

languages: English because I’m a fucking loser. OH and a personal language between my soulmate @kittycatgirl1600 and I.

celebrity crushes: It’s died down over recent years but I am an undyingly loyal hoe so Park Jimin I guess.

random facts: I once took care of a dead horseshoe crab and i didn’t know it was dead until 2 weeks later I walked into my apartment after school to the stench of rotting corpse wafting up my nose. Also I’ve stuck my hand into the mouth of a sedated bear and touched its tongue (fucking NASTY) before and  have gotten slimed by buffalo snot in the same day so there’s that I guess. I am related to a licensed over-seas killer.

Tagging: @thegoddessweeps @grumpylittleboo-blog and no one else because idk??????

#owo i love you web #thepostbaginatrashpile #thepersonalbaginatrashpile

[creativestalkerrs]

Sunflower University 🌻 Prologue 🌻

The Last Night They Saw Cit Clementine

Summary; How can one night change everyone’s life forever?

Warning; sexual themes, angst, violence, swearing, drinking

Word Count; 4.1k

A/N; Part one will be up on Monday or Tuesday! I’m having so much writing this series so far 

Most universities have frats and sorority's were they party almost every night and hook up with the hottest one there. Sunflower University is no exception. In this school of six thousand students, of trust fund babies, famous celebrities and genius children, there is one main fraternity and one main sorority. Arguably harder to get in then the school itself. The Sunflower House and The Phantom House. Every spirt week, on that Friday, the Phantom House will pull the biggest and most exclusive party on campus. You’d have to be a celebrity, know someone in the house or win a ‘golden ticket’ to go inside. Although the headcount on campus was low, they didn’t want just anyone walking in those doors. They wanted the best. Due to the nature of the fraternity, they wanted all the girls in the Sunflower House to come and bring all of their hottest friends along. That included the smartest girl in the house, Cit Clementine.

Cit Clementine was a journalist for the school’s newspaper. She studied psychology, longing the day to get a job as a psychologist. She wanted nothing more than to help others. A heart of gold and sharp as a tack. Cit wasn’t one to party but she wanted to interview some frat members that night. Everyone wondered why Cit was even a member of the Sunflower House. Cit wasn’t anyone special. The leader of the house, Sadie Nyland said she was hot and smart and that guys would want to bang someone pretty in both the chest and the mind. That’s why Sadie wanted her in the house. Cit never complained, the house was nice and she didn’t have to pay for extra for housing. It was clear that Sadie never genuinely liked Cit. Sadie never really liked anyone. Sadie was brought up with no financial struggles and lived a happy life with everything handed to her. She was even handed a spot at Sunflower University, as Cit worked the hardest she could for this opportunity.

It wasn’t all bad living in that house. It never was. Sadie let her good friend be one of the sisters, Iren La Vila. She was smart, but not like Cit was. She would make out with the football team in the library as she did her cheerleading at games. She was fun to be around and Cit and Iren were lucky enough to go to the same school and even the same sorority. The sorority house was big, but there wasn’t a lot of members, considering its exclusivity. Like how I mentioned before, celebrities went to this school. Not a whole bunch, but just enough for this school to make people wonder what goes on. The Sunflower House had two celebrities. Zendaya Coleman and Billie Elish. A random two for a sorority, but a fun duo. Zendaya enrolled and got in after she found out her good friend and co-worker, Tom Holland would be joining with his friend Harrison and his two brothers Harry and Sam, she thought it would be fun to have some college life under her belt with her best buds and it turns out that they got in the Phantom House. However, Harry Holland, Tom’s younger brother moved out of the house only 3 weeks being there and moved into a dorm so he could study. What a lad. Peaches Carhart, Sadie’s best friend use to have a thing for Harrison but broke it off. Peaches were Sadie’s pet, her messager. If Sadie didn’t want to threaten someone or didn’t feel like asking someone to fuck off, Peaches would do it for her. It was no secret that Peaches was gullible. It was sad because, underneath the perfectly molded silicone, there once was a good heart that turned rotten and she is extremely intelligent as well, but throw it all away when Sadie told her she could get anyone she wanted, including Harrison Osterfeld. Venus Carlberg said she was cursed and it wasn’t one she set herself. Venus was an odd one, popular and pretty and slept with almost everyone in the Phanton House, but she was too odd for her own good. Sadie and Peaches swear she was a witch that got involved with black magic and voodoo, but they never asked nor cared just in case if it was facts. How could someone have such a good stream of luck anyways?

Due to the nature of the sorority, all the girls in that house got ready to get hammered, get laid and have a great damn time. Cit never bothered with spirt weeks, but she wanted to go to interview some of the frat guys for a project her professor, Dr. Jake Gyllenhaal assigned just a week before. Cit believed that this was a perfect opportunity to get the information she needed. Ask the questions, write the article. Cit winged out her eyeliner, pushed up her chest and tied up her converse. She was the 2nd person to be done as she waited around for all the princesses to look good. She knew their makeup would melt off before they got a chance to sleep with Tom Holland and or Dean White, the leader of the frat. 

She went downstairs to get a drink of water to see Zendaya sitting on the barstool, on her phone. Cit and Zendaya had this friendship. Zendaya was beautiful and sweet and not like everyone in this house. She was honestly the most real of them all, even more, real then Cit. Cit filled up her glass as she chugged the water down, Zendaya looking up and smiling. Cit put down the glass and sat next to Z.

“Spirit week is always the stupidest week that this university has to offer,” Cit complained, leaning her head on Z’s shoulder. Z began to pat her head, still scrolling down her dash.

“I know… but there will be free booze and Tom and the boys will be there so it won’t be that bad,” Z smiled looking at the positive side of this party.

“I need to interview Tom for my class. I’m planning on getting Mr. G’s project done this weekend so I can enjoy myself this week. Iren and I are going to go to Grece for vacation. Her family got a house there and it’s much needed,” Cit smiled as looked at what Z was doing. 

“You deserve a vacation and spring break is just around the corner… Filming all of those Spider-Man movies and school is too much. But hey, it’s fun,” Zendaya smiled, getting up from the barstool to get a glass of water.

The clinking of heels coming to the kitchen came closer. Cit looked up to see Sadia head to toe in designer. Her dress was tight and her chest was almost spilling out of it. Cit couldn’t deny that Sadie looked hot, but she still didn’t understand why she would wear all designer to a frat party. The room would be dimly lit and no one would see what bran underwear she was wearing and all those dumb frat guys would probably spill red wine all over her. “Everyone is in the car, come on sluts,” Sadie scoffed as Z finished her refreshing drink of water as Cit nodded her head and laughed to herself. Sadie turned on her heel and left, phone in hand as she was texting one of the guys that they were on their way. 

“Don’t want to keep princess bitch ass waiting,” Zendaya laughed as they both laughed and walked out of the kitchen and to the car. Cit still didn’t understand why they could have walked. It was only three blocks from their house. 

As all the girls talked, or lack of talking, Cit felt a bit dizzy. She looked down and try not to speak. “What’s wrong with you?” Peaches asked, with concern yet arrogance. Cit took a deep breathe in and smiled.

“I just feel a bit dizzy… I’ll be fine,” Cit smiled.

“You better be fine, Clit. If you fucking ruin this for me, you’ll be out of the house in only a matter of minutes. Remember, you represent me. All of you represent me. If you look bad, I look bad and I don’t want Tom and Dean to think I look bad,” Sadie barked. Sadie was more of an arrogant asshole when she’s stressed. Especially when its spirit week.

“Hey calm down, Sadie!” Iren barked back. “No need to take out your stress of Cit... “ Iren throw her arm on Cit, rubbing her back.

“Ah, whatever… sorry, I guess,” Sadie rolled her eyes as she pulled out her phone. 

“Why do you want to look good for Tom or Dean anyways?” Z asked.

“Dean is the leader. Two leaders need to look good, if he doesn’t think I look good, he can ruin me and all of you. We’re rivals, yet we need each other to even everything out. And with Tom, he’s mine. Have you seen us?” Sadie grind.

“Tom isn’t anyone's. What makes you think he wants you?” Venus asked as Z rolled her eyes at Sadie, knowing her friend would never date someone as bitchy as Sadie Nyland.

“Just look at me. I’m hot,” Sadie smiled and winked.

“Do you think that’s a bit degrading? Do you want to be more than a piece of meat for guys to droll over? I mean don’t get me wrong Sadie, you are hot, but you can also be witty and funny. I think guys would like that too,” Cit explained, trying her best to not tell her off.

“Witty and funny won’t get you anywhere. I’m a leader and I have to use everything to be on top… Thank god we’re here. All this chat is starting to make me dizzy too,” Sadie rolled her eyes as everyone began to exit the vehicle. Cit being the last one out. Iren helped Cit, walking her in to make sure she would be fine. Cit walked in the house, music blasting. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Iren asked at the front door.

“Yea… I’ll be fine. I’ll find you if I’m not. Enjoy yourself,” Cit smiled giving Iren a hug.

“Are you double sure?” Iren asked.

“I’m double sure. I’m going to find some of the frat guys to interview them. I don’t think I’ll be drinking much,” Cit smiled as she grabbed her note pad out of her bag. She looked around the crowd of people to find any member of the frat. It didn’t take long for Sadie to grind up on Dean White or Peaches to flirt and or fight with Harrison. Cit sighed and went to the kitchen to get herself some beer. 

Pouring herself a cup in a red solo cup, she became a wallflower, writing what she saw from the sidelines. She still felt dizzy but it didn’t bother her too much. Cit just though if she survived one hour of this bullshit and got what she needed, then she can leave without Sadie noticing or caring. 

“Why are you not dancing?” One member of the frat asked. It was Sam. Cit smiled as she took a drink.

“I feel a bit dizzy. I’ll dance a little later… Hey, you’re a member of this frat. Can I ask you a few questions? It’s for my journalist class,” Cit smiled.

“Yea, shoot,” Sam smiled back. Sam wasn’t like his brother Tom, although he still was kinder to others, he did hang out a lot with Dean and Dylan, but he got the common sense from Tom and Harry. “What is your project exactly?” Sam questioned taking a swig of his drink.

“My teacher wanted us to ask 5 questions about current events and see how 5 different people respond. You’d be my last person to interview,” Cit bit her lip as she put down her cup and flipped to a new page in her note pad. 

“Sounds boring, but interesting… wait I think my brother has that class. You know Harry?” Sam asked.

“Yea he sits in front of me. He’s a film major, right? Always see him with a camera,” Cit asked.

“Yep… he’s a good director. Anyways, ask away and I’ll take you to dance,” Sam winked. Cit nodded, unsure of how to respond. 

“How do you get your news?” Cit asked, leaning against the wall. She felt even dizzier than before but shook it off as she sat up straight.

“Usually Twitter… I try not to get political. I want to fix that but,” Sam said taking a drink of his beer. Cit wrote down his answer as she put her hand on her head. “You okay? You look kind of pale,” Sam noticed.

“I’m fine, just dizzy… Ah… What’s your major?” Cit asked.

“Unsure how it connects but whatever… I’m studying for Business management, something interesting. I hope to start a business of my own sometime in the future if being Tom Holland’s brother doesn’t work out,” Sam laughed making Cit chuckle.

“I like that… I never knew that about you, what does Tom study? Wait, I’ll ask him later. What do you think we need to do about climate change?” Cit asked.

“Reuse, reduce, recycle… Say, drop the questions and dance with me. You can finish up later,” Sam asked, pushing a piece of hair back from Cit’s face. Cit raised an eyebrow and leaned her body.

“Really Sam?” Cit asked with a smirk, crossing her arms.

“Cit… please. I had my eye on you all night and all the other nights. You just need to give me a chance,” Sam winked.

“Sam… please. I’m not into you. How many time do I have to say that? I’m sorry Sam, you’re cute and smart but Phantom House dudes are not my type. Say, if you whoa me, you can pick me up for drinks so time,” Cit smiled as she bopped his nose and walked the other way. Sam grabbed Cit’s hand.

“Cit… I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m sorry if I was a dick. I know I’m not Tom or Harry, but myself,” Sam begged. Cit sighed.

“You never hurt me. We were never together. Now if you excuse me… I’m going to find someone who can finish up my assignment. Goodbye, Sam,” Cit rolled her eyes and walked away. Sam wanted to chase after her, but he knew she would never feel the same way that he felt. Maybe he needed to let go, but he didn’t quite yet.

Sam looked around to find Tom. Tom could be the only one to talk to Cit. He knew deep down Cit would listen to him. “Tom!” Sam yelled as he saw Tom grinding up against Sadie Nyland and Friday Adams, who dropped out of the Sunflower House months ago. “Tom,” Sam said as Tom looked up basically fucking Friday. Tom rolled his eyes to see Sam.

“What do you want, I’m kind of busy,” Tom said, clearly annoyed.

“I need your help. Please, it’s urgent,” Sam bagged. Tom pushed Friday off and pushed Sadie off, who was too drunk to realize she was being a bit gay with Friday.

“What is it?” Tom asked, pissed.

“Can you please talk to Cit for me? No matter what I say or do, she won’t give me a chance. I just want to dance with her. Maybe if you talked to her she’d listen,” Sam asked.

“Cit Clementine doesn’t fuck with Phantom dudes, you know that. But since I am Tom Holland and your brother, I’ll talk to her,” Tom smiled in his drunken state. 

Tom pushed passed Sam to try to find Cit. Cit was upstairs talking to Venus and Iren. “Mind if I steal your friend for a minute,” Tom asked.

“Tom if Sam sent you, I swear I’m going to kick his ass. I’m not interested in him!” Cit shouted Tom looked at Cit. “Tom… you know how our relationship is. I can’t be with him,” Cit softly spoke.

“I just don’t understand Cit. He would walk miles for you. I’m his older brother, I hate seeing him like this,” Tom wanted to know why Cit was rejecting Sam. There was more to it then not dating Phantom guys. Sam liked Cit for being her own person. She wasn’t fake. Tom would want to be with Cit too if Sam wasn’t so eager to get her. A big flaw when it came to Cit Clementine was she had a hard time listing. Yes, she listed well to her friends, family, and teachers, but when it came to Sam Holland or anyone who tried to throw their love at her, she didn’t want to hear it. Cit never found her prince charming because of it. Iren saw the disaster that was Cit and Sam’s relationship and swears that Cit was philophobic. The thing was, Cit never had a real relationship before, so why was she so philophobic towards Sam? Even Iren could see how perfect Sam was for Cit. He was smart, despite popular belief, a good kisser (she would know; freshman year homecoming game), charming and a gentleman. If it wasn’t for Sam, Cit wouldn’t have landed an opportunity at the Sunny’s Writers Club. Was Cit being a bitch to Sam? She couldn’t be. Cit is nice. Maybe Cit realized this. She looked down the stairs to see the curly-headed twin smile at her as she crossed her arms across her chest.

“It’s called philophoba. Look it up,” Cit sighed as she pushed Tom out of the way and walked down the stairs. She stood in front of Sam, looking him straight in the eye. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “How would you describe our political party?” Cit asked Sam. Cit knew her dumb questions wouldn’t get her far, but Sam was just happy she was talking to her again.

“Fucking shit,” He responded. Cit smirked but it didn’t last long as it fell. She felt awful. Maybe it was the dizziness or the beer, but she couldn’t help but think Sam looked amazing from this angle. 

“Hey, look, I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole… I feel bad and apologizes aren't really my thing but-” Cit was cut off.

“But what? What is it then Cit? You’re impossible. I’d do anything for you and anything to be with you. Why can’t you see this? All these other guys treat you like shit, but I… I would kill someone for you if I had to,” Sam was frustrated and drunk and all he wanted was her. Cit Clementine, but Cit couldn’t love.

“Stop forcing it then,” Cit didn’t want to deal with Sam anymore. She began to walk away from this argument before things got worse.

“Maybe Gabe Miller was right about you… I didn’t want to belive that fucker… but it all makes sense. I defended you when Gabe said those shitty things about you last month. Now I think what he said was true… and your little stunt you pulled with him,” Sam pulled out the big guns as Cit turned around, hurt. Tom, Venus, and Iren were watching this unfold, unsure if they should stop this mess. It hurt the girls to see Cit be beaten on by Sam like that. She made one mistake and now everyone would know because Gabe Miller had a brain the size of a pea and only talent is drinking 8 beers in one minute, which is arguably not that impressive. 

“I was drunk, I barely knew you nor anyone at Sunflower Uni, and I just wanted to have fun. I was still living at the dorms, damnit! You can’t hold that against me, Sam. I said I was sorry, I don’t know what more you want from me… I’m leaving and if you want to, we can talk when you’re not drunk,” Cit protested as she rolled her eyes and went to Iren and Venus. “I’m leaving. Tom… get your brother under control no wounder no girl wants to date him…. I’ll text you when I’m back at the house and don’t tell Sadie I left. Goodbye,” Cit’s voice cracked, she sounded like she was holding back tears from the argument she just had.

--

The next morning was rough for everyone. Everyone was hungover, hungry and tried. Tom and Harrison after every party would go on a jog around Sunflower’s campus. Tom felt bad for what happened between Sam and Cit and wanted to apologize on behalf of his brother, who was passed out on the sofa of the house.

Jogging passed the park that was near Sunflower House, Tom noticed something unusual while passing the park. This route while jogging wasn’t unusual, they jogged this almost every morning and Tom noticed every detail from it. From the cracks in the sidewalk to the fenced flowers. Nothing could get in that bed of flowers, but he saw something was. Tom slowed down to take a look but Harrison, without words, pushed him so they could make it back to there house on time for breakfast. So, Tom pushed it off and he would look at it on his way back, being late for breakfast or not, he couldn’t wonder what got into the flowers, the tall sunflowers that grew. 

Seeing the house come closer as every step they took, they began to slow down, sweat dripping off of Tom’s nose, a piece of his curl hair stuck to his forehead, he pushed the doorbell as the two boys waited for someone to answer. Soon Zendaya greeted the two.

“Hey doofus, why are you here?” Z asked.

“I’m here to apologize to Cit for Sam. They had an argument last night and since Sam is too hungover, I thought I’d pass the message,” Tom smiled.

“Yea… sure, I’ll get her. Come in and get some water,” Zendaya smiled, Tom smelt her perfume and grinned. Roses and vanilla. Z was the only one up, due to the fact she didn’t drink last night. Z was surprised to see Tom and Harrison, sure they would skip their morning job after the party. Tom and Haz went to their kitchen, still shocked at how clean and perfect it was. Tom and Haz were familiar with the house, hanging out with Z and Peaches a few times as Tom and Z would watch a movie as Peaches and Haz basically had sex on the living room chair. Tom grabbed a glass for both of them as they took long drinks. Z came down, Cit-less. 

“She’s not in her room or any other room… She must have gotten coffee or something or somewhere to study. I’ll text you when she shows up. Sorry you guys,” Z apologized as they finished their water.

“It’s fine, I’ll come back later with Sam this time,” Tom laughed. “See you later Z,” Tom waved as they left the house. Haz and Tom jogged their way back, but when Tom made it to the park, he let Haz leave him behind. As he looked inside the fence he saw a shoe. One black conver. Tom, though it was unusual to see a shoe in the flowers so he looked deeper. He walked around the park to see if another shoe would show up. He walked over the bridge and looked at the ducks in the pound, only to see another shoe. 

Tom walked down to the pound to get a closer looked. He didn’t release that this very moment would change everyone’s life on campus. And for Tom Holland to discover, he’d be mentally fucked up for the rest of his life. He couldn’t believe it. 

It was someone, dead in the pool of their own blood. Their throat slashed and their face beat into the point where you couldn’t recognize it any longer. A gruesome scene to stumble upon on a Saturday morning. Tom wanted to look away but he was mortified. The show. The shirt. The hair. He recognized it all. He didn’t want to believe it. He pulled out his phone to call for help. And help he got.

At that moment, where everything unfolded, Cit Cleminetine was confirmed dead and the victim. Everybody wanted to know the truth on why and how and who. That was the last night they saw Cit Cleminetine alive. Now, how will everyone react when she’s dead? Everyone is a suspect. Everyone has a story. Everyone can lie, tell the truth or be the next one in this game because it’s only going to get worse from here. Welcome to Sunflower University.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland au #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker au #peter parker smut #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #spiderman #Spiderverse #spiderman x reader #shawn mendes #billie eilish #zendaya #zenday coleman #zendaya x reader #darce montgomery #aksually #aksually imagine #aksel x reader #quackityhq #quackity x reader #sunflower university #starnger things #harrison osterfield

[vastly-fixated-devotee-667]

come to me

i’ve never actually posted any of my writing on tumblr because i’ve never been into it enough to want to share it but i did this for fun and though it’d be fun to share. it's based off come to me by the goo goo dolls, and was technically written to be ben x my mc, but i made it mc-neutral (aside from the fact that it’s a female slytherin, but) for fun. i hope this is well-received, ahahah

(for clarification, anything in green is in mc’s pov, and anything in red is in ben’s. this is a slight au where it kind of takes place later than actual hphm does, and mc isnt the actual mc from the game.)

i’ll be kind if you’ll be faithful; you be sweet and i’ll be grateful. cover me with kisses, dear; lighten up the atmosphere. keep me warm inside our bed; i got dreams of you all through my head. fortune teller said i’d be free, and that’s the day you came to me.

i laid back in my chair, contemplating my life choices and why i ever thought taking this class was a good idea. divination was a bullshit concept and professor trelawney was a complete phony. at least it was an easy o, as you could basically make up any „prophecy” and trelawney would accept it.

i swirled the tea in my cup, wanting so badly to drink it. but trelawney drained it so she could help me „read the tea leaves” — whatever that means. i assumed it would mean someone was going to die, whether it was me, one of my friends, or just some random person i’d never met. whatever she was in the mood for, i guessed.

„ah, miss [l/n], how fortunate you are,” she said. “the shape — it is a bird. meaning, you will soon find freedom. be on the lookout for any good omen that might free you.”

free me from what? boredom? i guessed the future that was predicted was to be in — i checked my watch — approximately ten minutes. lucky me.

when the aforementioned ten minutes passed, i eagerly threw my books into my bag and left the stuffy, perfume-filled tower. my next class was history of magic, and that was the one class where i was always able to slip into the background and stay unnoticed. a rare instance of happiness for me.

as i stepped off the bottom rung of the ladder and turned around, i immediately ran into someone, dropping my bag and causing its contents to strew across the corridor. the both of us hastily apologized and dropped to the floor to gather my books and quills. he handed me my charms and potions textbooks, and after the commotion, it was the first time i truly looked at him. gryffindor in my year, blond, brown eyes, pale. the one who was known through gossip as the „cowardly gryffindor”. ben copper. an oxymoron personified.

„thanks,” i said. „and sorry, again. i should’ve been watching where i was going.”

„no, i’m sorry; i’m the one who wasn’t paying attention,” he said, his face flushed pink. he scratched the back of his neck. „er, i’m ben, by the way.”

„yeah, i know,” i said. „i’m [m/c], but i’m guessing you already knew that.”

„er... i probably should have known that, considering we’re in the same year. i guess i just try not to interact with slytherins much.”

i snorted. “well, yeah, we’re in the same year, but i meant you probably just recognize me because of my dad.”

he tilted his head. „your dad?”

i raised an eyebrow. „[dad’s name]? retired seeker for the pride of portree?”

he scrunched his eyebrows, then a look of realization washed over his face. „oh, that’s quidditch; isn’t it? i don’t really know anything about quidditch. muggle-born.” he flinched, obviously hesitant to reveal that information as if i were going to berate him for such a fact.

„oh. that makes a lot of sense. but you’ve not even, like, heard of me through gossip? i’m sure your friends know who i am.”

he shrugged coyly. „i don’t really have any friends.”

my eyebrows shot up. „oh. well, uh, i’d be your friend, if you’d like.”

„really? a star quidditch player’s slytherin daughter friends with the cowardly gryffindor mudblood?”

„hey, don’t call yourself that! you seem really wonderful, despite what people say. you don’t appear to be half as fearful as people seem to think. i mean, you’ve been talking to me for this long, so that’s something. besides, it’d be refreshing to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to get acquainted with me because of my dad.”

his face lit up. „then, i’d love to be your friend.”

i gave him what i hoped was a warm smile. „great! see you later, then, new friend.”

i got to history of magic class before i could be accounted for being late. maybe, just maybe, trelawney’s prophecy was right this time around.

the months flew by, and ben and i grew closer and closer each passing week within. he was the first friendship i’d made in my three years at hogwarts that didn’t end in wanting to meet my dad or anything of the like. in fact, it was steering toward ending in a whole new, completely pleasant manner.

as days passed, we seemed to get more comfortable with being not just emotionally closer, but physically closer as well. time was often spent in the tranquility of the library or the solitude of the artifact room, huddled up close to each other, sharing warmth. on numerous occasions, we’d even fall asleep in either room, slipping into nonsensical twists on our pleasant reality. while i had no way of telling the contents of his, my own dreams were filled with notions of the two of us being something more than simple friends. while at the time i never would’ve said it aloud, they weren’t exactly the kind of dreams i’d consider nightmares. far from it, actually. they could’ve even been considered prayers. prayers to the metaphorical god that was my own bravery, asking me to work up the courage to make any sort of move. yet, all i could muster was a few stolen kisses on his cheeks, nose, forehead. nothing serious. nothing that could’ve been mistaken for anything more than an exchange between close friends.

come to me, my sweetest friend. can you feel my heart again? i’ll take you back where you belong, and this’ll be our favorite song. come to me with secrets bare. i love you more, so don’t be scared. and when we’re old and near the end, we’ll go home and start again.

„lumos.” the tip of my wand lit up the face of the watch on my wrist. „nox.” 11:37. no hope in falling asleep any time soon.

i sat up and tore off a piece of parchment from the scroll nearest me. „lumos.” by the dim wandlight, i found my pen and wrote the one word „awake” in the center of the parchment, followed by a question mark. at the bottom right, i wrote a dash and a capital „[first initial]”. i strapped the note to the leg of my dad’s old owl, millie, and gave her directions to send it to ben. she complied and flew out of my dormitory.

no longer than five minutes later, she returned with another piece of parchment on her leg — a different one from the one i gave her. i unstrapped it from her and read it.

i never sleep; don’t you know? —b

i chuckled and shook my head. i tore off a new piece of parchment and scribbled down another note.

come to me. —[first initial]

millie obediently delivered the note again and returned shortly with another.

to your common room? you know i can’t get in. and i’d rather not try. not with felix rosier on duty. —b

i rolled my eyes and composed another note.

i’ll wait for you outside to let you in. please? i’m a lonely insomniac. —[first initial]

millie delivered and returned one last time.

fine. heading down now. —b

„nox.” my wandlight went out and i crept into my common room and quietly pushed open the door. hardly a minute later, ben arrived, moving swiftly so as to avoid getting caught. i impulsively hugged him to thank him for coming. we sat on the couch in the lounge, snuggled up close to each other. it was a comfortable silence, but i still felt glad when he broke it.

„why can’t you sleep?” he asked.

i shrugged. „got a lot on my mind, i guess. hard to shut my mind down when there’s so much running through it.”

„like what?”

„i dunno. things. unimportant things that still manage to worm their way into my brain. what about you? what fuels your insomnia?”

„fear, mostly. when you’re afraid of everything, it’s hard to not think of something that scares you.”

„i never really wondered until now, but why are you afraid of everything? i mean, sorry if that sounds rude, but— yeah. you know what i mean.”

„it’s mostly the entire aspect of magic. my whole life, i grew up pretty sheltered and all, but when i heard magic exists, it basically... turned my life upside down. i was already a generally anxious kid, but then this whole new, dangerous concept was introduced to me as real even though i went my whole life believing it was a fictional thing...” he cleared his throat. „sorry. i know it’s stupid.”

„no, no, it’s not stupid. i know what it’s like to be afraid.” i hesitated. „the reason my dad doesn’t play quidditch anymore is — well, for one, he’s too old, but — because he had a really bad injury during his last game. he got hit by a bludger and knocked to the ground from fifty meters in the air. he was in st. mungo’s for a few days. but it was just the amount of pain he was in... it made me extremely cautious. i avoided any situation that could potentially end in any sort of physical pain. it was bad. i’m still sort of that way, but i always felt like a coward for being so fearful. i never really realized cowardice wasn’t define by a person’s fears... but i know that now. and it might do you some good to be aware of it, too.”

it was dark and hard to see, but i could hear the smile on his lips as he spoke. „thanks, [m/c].”

i burrowed my head into his chest. „no problem, ben.”

an hour passed, and my eyelids threatened to fall like boulders on the edge of a cliff, but i willed myself to stay awake. if i fell asleep, that would almost guarantee ben getting caught being in another house’s common room.

as the time neared 2:00 ᴀ.ᴍ., i shook ben to make sure he wasn’t asleep. „hey. you probably should get back to your own common room.”

he rubbed his eyes. „what time is it?”

„1:57.”

we reluctantly stood and i walked him to the door. after saying goodnight, we wound up in a hug that lasted nearly two minutes before we came to our senses.

„ben?” i stopped him before he walked out of sight.

he turned back to me. „yeah?”

i took a shaky breath. „i love you.”

there was a pause, and my heart pounded loudly into the silence.

„i love you, too,” he said finally, and i’d never heard any sweeter poetry.

i caught you burning photographs, like that could save you from your past. history is like gravity: it holds you down away from me. you and me, we’ve both got sins; i don’t care about where you’ve been. don’t be sad and don’t explain; this is where we start again.

i tore out of the potions classroom as soon as professor snape dismissed the class. i couldn’t believe how klutzy i was, spilling my entire potion and all right onto snape’s robes. i was to have detention for two weeks, and i’d never hear the end of it from my dorm mates.

i sought out the artifact room for an escape, only to find it already in use. the crumpled figure of [m/c] sat on the floor, surrounded by photographs, some scorched around the edges. she picked up another with a shaky hand, oblivious to my presence. „incendio.” the photograph caught fire and she watched it be swallowed by the flames, flames that combated the streaks of watery tears that ran down her cheeks.

„[m/c]?” i said, causing her to jump. „what’s going on?”

she quickly wiped her cheeks on her sleeve and kicked the photographs behind her. „nothing; it’s— it’s nothing. just some old photographs i wanted to get rid of.”

i knelt down and picked up a photograph, myself. it pictured what seemed to be a young trista and an older boy who looked quite similar to her. „who is this?”

she swallowed, realizing there was probably no way out of this. „my brother.”

i sifted through the other images. they all showed the same two faces throughout the years. she never even told me she had a brother. „why are you burning pictures of you and your brother?”

„because.”

i looked her in the eye, attempting to show how dead serious i was. she’d always do this for me when something was bothering me, so it was about time i returned the favor. „because why?”

„i just... don’t want to look at them anymore.”

„why?”

„because it... it hurts to be reminded of him in such a way.”

„why?”

the tears she was holding back began to fall. „because he’s dead, ben. this was what it was like back when we were kids, and... i just don’t want to think about that. not knowing that we’ll never be able to relive the memories.”

„and you really think this is the best way to cope? you’re going to regret doing this in the future. besides, your brother would want you to remember him like this; wouldn’t he? i’m so sorry for your loss, [m/c], but, please, be rational.”

she let out a soft sob and dropped the photograph in her hand. she hid her face in her hands and i put an arm around her shoulders. it was a little bit before she spoke again. „i just wanted to be like him. but i’ve already blown it. i’ve made friends with people i shouldn’t have, and that led to saying and doing things i shouldn’t have, and—”

„[m/c],” i stopped her. „anything you’ve done in the past is irrelevant now. i’ve known you for a while now, and you’re one of — no, the nicest person i’ve met at this school. and that’s what matters right now.”

she looked me in the eye for the first time since i found her in there and whispered a small „thanks.” her eyes fell back onto the photographs that laid on the floor.

i took a breath, hoping talking about her brother might make here feel better. „what was his name?”

„jacob.”

i nodded and paused, thinking of the best way to continue. „what did he do? for a job? or was he still in school?”

„he was an auror. that’s... that’s how he died. this summer. he was dueling a powerful dark wizard when he... struck a nerve, i guess. wizard fired the killing curse, and... that was that.”

„i’m sorry.”

she shrugged with a small shake of her head. „i want to be an auror like him, though. he helped put a lot of bad people away. i want to do that, too.”

i smiled in what i wanted to come off as a supportive way. „i’m sure you will. you’ll make your brother proud.”

a smile washed across her forlorn face. „thanks.”

come to me, my sweetest friend. can you feel my heart again? i’ll take you back where you belong, and this’ll be our favorite song. come to me with secrets bare. i love you more, so don’t be scared. and when we’re old and near the end, we’ll go home and start again.

„[m/c]?” i said. „could you come here?”

„what’s up?” she stood.

„just, uh... just come with me.”

i led her out of the great hall where she was eating lunch and to the artifact room. i pointed out the big, black spider that rested on the chalkboard.

she looked at me, amused. „that’s what you needed me for?”

i flushed. „you don’t have any problem getting rid of them, and, well...”

she rolled her eyes. „is that why i’m your girlfriend? because i can get rid of spiders for you?”

i rubbed the back of my neck. „it’s one of the many benefits.”

she chuckled and planted a kiss on my cheek. then, she turned to the spider. „all right, you; it’s time to stop tormenting ben. wingardium leviosa.” the spider hovered to the will of her wand and she led it out to the courtyard, dropping it onto the grass. „there. you’re free to relax in your hopefully-spider-free-for-now hideout.”

„thanks.” i grinned shyly. how did i get so lucky to earn her love? „i love you.”

„i love you, too.”

today’s the day i make you mine, so get me to the church on time. take my hand in this empty room. you’re my girl and i’m your groom. come to me, my sweetest friend; this is where we start again.

i gazed at myself in the mirror, adjusting my tie for the umpteenth time. i was determined to make sure everything was perfect for such a perfect day. it was hard to believe i was actually to be marrying the one i had loved since my third year.

a knock on the door drew me out of my trance. „ben? can i come in?” it was [m/c].

i walked to the door and laid my hand on the handle, but i hesitated. „isn’t it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?”

i heard her laugh. „muggles have such ridiculous superstitions. come on; just let me in.”

i drew in a breath and opened the door. the breath i took was knocked out of me when i saw how she was dressed. a flower crown composed of our collective favorite flowers rested on her head. her pastel green dress fell to her knees and she wore her usual black ankle boots. she insisted on not having too fancy nor traditional of a wedding, and i was set on doing whatever made her happy.

„what’s up?” i said.

her face fell as she remembered the reason she had come. „i miss him. i wish he were here.”

i tilted my head, wondering who she meant. then, i realized. her brother. „oh. i’m sorry.”

she stayed silent a moment, her eyes on the floor. „he was engaged before his death. the wedding never happened. and now... he’s not here for mine.” her eyes finally met mine. „this is all everything i’d imagined it to be, except for that one aspect.”

„i’m sorry, [m/c]; i really wish i could—”

she took me by surprise when she flung her arms around me. „don’t apologize. i’m thanking you.”

„thanking me?”

„my brother was never going to be able to attend. that was inevitable. i realize that. but everything else... everything else is just as i wanted. and i owe that all to you.”

i smiled modestly. „well, we had some help from penny...”

„but it’s you who’ll be standing opposite me at the alter. and that’s all i could ask for.” she released me from her grasp and took my hand. „now, what do you say we get out there and seal the deal?”

come to me, my sweetest friend. can you feel my heart again? i’ll take you back where you belong, and this’ll be our favorite song. come to me with secrets bare. i love you more, so don’t be scared. and when we’re old and near the end, we’ll go home and start again.

the music that played was a perfect mix of wizard and muggle music, shaped to fit ben’s and my taste. we danced amongst the other partners to come to me by the muggle band the goo goo dolls. as the rest of the world fell away and it was just him and me on the dance floor, it easily became my favorite song — our favorite song. another chapter in our history had come to a close that day, but the whole of our book wouldn’t end for a long time.

#hogwarts mystery #harry potter #ben copper #ben copper x reader #ben copper x mc #ben copper x jacob’s sibling #jacob’s sibling #hphm mc #hphm

[northwest-cryptid]

Sometimes I think about the fact that this site legitimately convinced me that follower numbers and post popularity determine your worth as a person all because I had been ignored by people more popular than myself. Which I can only assume stems from the “fan/follow and content creator/blogger” mentality which we can simply summarize by saying, if you are a content creator and I follow you, I am a fan of your work. I am one of the hundreds if not thousands of people who follow you. Suddenly you have a dilemma, if I try to talk to you and if you reply to me; suddenly every single one of your fans wants a reply. It falls back to the classic “if you don’t have enough to share with the class you shouldn’t bring anything at all.” The issue is that simply put you are giving me attention which costs you a bit of social energy and your time; which you might not have for everyone. So you have a couple options if you want to be my friend, you can either talk with me openly and deal with a ton of people becoming upset and believing it’s unfair that you do so because you won’t also give the thousands of others the same time of day simply because you can’t. Or you can talk to me in secret and just HOPE that I don’t go spilling the beans because “hey look at me I hang out with big popular person” would bring in a lot of personal “clout” and popularity for me. There is however a loophole to this whole situation... if I am ALSO a content creator or popular blogger, suddenly it just “makes sense” why you’d give ME the time of day, “after all, who wouldn’t” is likely going through the heads of people who follow both of us. 

(This got really long so here’s a Read More to save your dash.)

This... is the exact kind of toxic mentality that almost broke me mentally about a year ago. I say I left this site about a year ago, but in reality it was even before that; you could see me slowly “losing interest” I had begun to stray so far from who I was that I no longer felt like me but rather something that wanted to be “more” something that wanted to be popular not for the fame or the popularity itself but for the freedom that came with it. Because if I was as popular as all the others who I had tried to speak with maybe they’d actually reply, maybe then I could have the friends I so desperately wanted, friends who I’m not just following around all the time pretending I’m worthy of their time, but rather people who value me and WANT to spend time with me; people who like me and actually think I’m a cool guy to spend time with. Therein lies the problem, even if people did want to spend time with me, I wasn’t even sure of what or who I was anymore. I was a blogger, I was a bunch of tropes; I was someone trying to appease everyone, and I didn’t realize that I had friends who genuinely just wanted to know me. The actual, real; honest me. Only thing was, I was so far gone at this point I didn’t know who that person was anymore. For the last roughly 2.5 - 3 years I’ve been slowly recovering from all that, I found who I was; I went through the cultural ceremonies sure, but what I honestly believe was my “coming of age moment” was when I had the realization that the people who mattered to me most didn’t care if I was anyone popular, they were willing to risk the odds of people seeking their attention and despite the risk that people would feel that it was unfair for them to give ME of all people, their oh-so-important attention, they did so; openly and proudly. This is why I have so much genuine respect and love for my friends, because they wake up every day and CHOOSE to spend their days with me. 

This is going to sound really cheesy but as much as I owe a LOT to all my friends in general; I really owe so much to 2 people in particular. Those being my good friend Shelby and my amazing girlfriend Ryu.

I apologize for this post already being really long and kinda weirdly worded but, it’s very late; or early or whatever and I have a lot of things to say. As for Shelby she was someone I was VERY intimidated by, she is an amazing artist and someone who I genuinely looked up to (still do). I really wanted to be her friend but I felt like we had too many barriers, she’s really into gore and I’m really squeamish, she’s and artist and I can’t hardly draw for shit, she’s a big time horror fan I’m an absolute coward. So you can see where I thought “we’re not going to be great friends” and BOY was I wrong. I didn’t think she’d give me the time of day, she was someone people knew of, I was someone... well I was someone lol. But she did, she did give me the time of day, and she seemed to appreciate the time we spent together; despite the fact that I was just some random asshole. She even introduced me to Laura who would go on to become a very good friend of mine and like a sister to me and honestly I don’t think I’d be where I am today if Shelby hadn’t decided to be my friend. She helped me gain a sort of self confidence I didn’t have and it was that sort of self confidence that lead me to later meet my girlfriend.

For the sake of keeping to her online handle I’ll refer to her as Ryu, we actually met on tumblr and had been following each other for a long time talking on and off and I always felt way too shy and awkward to talk to her properly because I am very intimidated by new people and it’s very difficult for me to make friends as I believe I’m being a bother. However she never seemed to mind my shyness, she was there to give me a hand up when I was depressed and was often understanding of my really awkward attempts at becoming friends lol. She and I spent a lot of time together most of the time just talking about legitimately random stuff didn’t even matter what, I just enjoyed spending time with her. I don’t want to get too into my personal life on a public tumblr post of all things but it was so refreshing to meet someone who was just human, and understood that people aren’t perfect. She accepted me knowing of my flaws and being okay with the fact that there was a lot I still had to work on, I’ve fucked up a lot before and I appreciate that she’s willing to forgive those mistakes and let me show that I’m growing and making positive changes. We mesh really well together and I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who I can just so unapologetically be myself around. She has helped me to learn to accept and love myself and I do my best every day to see myself the way she sees me. I’m used to wanting to be better for the sake of someone else, but she has taught me that I should also want to be better for my own sake. She is genuinely the kindest person I have met, and to be living with her now feels like some kind of dream. She once told me that all she wanted me to be was myself, and I don’t think I’ve ever had that level of genuine acceptance and love. To hear someone say that I, myself; was good enough for them was something I never thought I would hear. 

I love all my friends, and they mean the world to me. However I say I owe these 2 the most because my life would literally not be the same without them. Shelby picked me up when I was at my lowest, she offered me her friendship and a chance to start again and forge a self where I didn’t have to be anything more than me. That eventually lead to me meeting Ryu who not only accepted me as a friend, but fell in love with a fluffy haired cryptid like me. I don’t know where I’d be without her in my life, but I really don’t care to find out because I’m more than happy to have her in my life. 

If there’s any wisdom I can pass onto anyone using this hellsite, it is this:

Numbers are meaningless, your worth is not determined by the time or attention that some popular blogger or artist or musician gives you. You don’t NEED to be anything more than you. You should never stop striving to improve yourself, and growing is always a great thing; but you don’t need to be “more” you are enough.

#If I said something really stupid forgive me and my tired ass