#There's probably so many typos

[viperwhispered]

Rest

Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all. You can also find this on ao3. No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.

At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner. 

However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.

You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.

So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.

It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.

At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.

Of course.

It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.

You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.

“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.

“Yes.”

“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”

“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.

Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.

“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.

Really, when did he get so tired?

And how did you not notice it earlier?

You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.

Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.

You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.

Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.

Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.

“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.

Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.

“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”

“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.

Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.

But sometimes you really wish it would be.

Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.

Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.

“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”

You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.

“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”

Still, Jamil frowns.

You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?

“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.

And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.

“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.

It seems he has accepted his fate.

You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.

And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.

Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #woop it sure has been quite the burst of creative energy lately #especially since this has apparently been sitting in my drafts since last august #but now you have it #I certainly can’t promise to keep up with this rate of writing (in fact I can promise I won't) but hey let's enjoy it while it lasts #and yes I’m hopping on the “jamil using arabic terms of endearment” train #I’ve read so many fics doing that that at this point it feels more natural than english ngl #even if english would probably be more canonical #also is it a *good* way to go about it to just pretty much just force someone to rest like this? probably not #is it sometimes the only way to get stubborn people to stop for a bit? perhaps #and is it something I might do? #...possibly #also oh boy can you tell that I'm avoiding jamil's dialogue like the plague lately? #I really need to reread so much of his stuff to get a hang of his voice again #(also if you notice typos pls tell me because they always bug me) #(or other wonkiness because I'm not a native speaker and sometimes things just go silly) #anyways hope y'all enjoy!

[littleseasalt]

actually I think it's wild to think about how tallulah's death lead into forever being elected now that I think about it, cause it set such a domino effect for forever and philza's relationship and like. had it not been for philza voting for forever bbh would have won the elections

#qsmp #like #i rebloged a post talking about their relationship and like holy shit #you can perfeclty make a domino meme of “tallulah's first death” that leads into “forever becomes the president” IWNXWKNDIWJE #i focused mostly on philza's vote but like even that aside #if forever hadnt built the ninho (which was a result of both tallulah's and bobby's death) #most probably him and cellbit wouldn't have vouched for forever as the president #edit oh god there were so many typos in the post wtf

[pyxy-styx]

Dragging your friend into a fandom with you so you can watch them suffer the same way you did is fun

#:) #hello fren #It'll be fine maybe probably #i can't wait to start sending you comics and fics once you have moee context #>:3 #tmnt #rise of the tmnt movie #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #there are so many typos in those tags lmao

[hwanswerland]

ATEEZ @ MAMA 2020 (Inception + Answer) ↳ aka my second Atinyversary 

Summary in case you don't want to read all this: it's been two years since I got into Ateez, I ramble about it, then I tagged my lovely mutuals. I can't believe it's already been two years since Youtube recommended me this video out of the blue and because I was bored and San and Honjoong looked sp pretty on the thumbnail I watched it. Instantly fell in love with Answer and decided that well, if they have one song this good, there have got to be more right? And so began my descent into the kpop (read: Ateez) madness. I didn't expect on December 6th 2020 that two years later I would run a tumblr blog dedicated to the one guy that I actively did not want to bias at first, spend who knows how much money on albums and other merch, go to one of their concerts and scream along with all those other fans despite me thinking I would never have a boy group phase in this life (lol), least of all one starting when I was 21 years old. Not that I regret anything about it :D I realise that these gifs are not actually the most giffable moment for some members, but as this is a very self indulgent set I chose to gif what are moments I still remember reacting to when I saw the first time. Honorary mention to Hongjoong shouting "1, 2, 3 lets BURN" into his mic. If I could gif a sound that would be the first I'd gif because Answer is special to me and I absolutely came to life when he did the same thing at my concert. I started giffing on this blog way later in 2021, around the end of Deja Vu promotions, and for the most part I did not feel very welcome here on Atinyblr lol, for reasons that have nothing to do with anyone I interact with these days. This only very recently changed when I finally joined the atzsource team and actually talked to the people on here. So thank you for being so cool and talking about some things that mean I can finally chill and not feel like an imposter on here anymore. So in no particular order tagging my lovely mutuals that I love seeing on the dash/talking to/admire from afar ♡

@sanchelinz (thank you forever for the file!) @woosansang @jonghho @jeong-yunhoes @jjongho​ @sanhwaiting @woosanhui @jngif @guerrila @yunhogifs @applejongho @xuseokgyu @blueberrysan @jeongyunho99 @chwejongho @strhwaberries @cruellajoong @song-mingi @hwatermelon @seonghwaminho @yukuz

#ateez #ateezedit #atzsource #fio.gifs #atz:other #so this is first of all a bit late #because turns out this stage is not easy to colour and even less to colour match #which brings me to my second point #colour matching this defeated me i'm sorry pls don't mind the relative crustiness #esp the jh gif i'm sorry ribos i tried my best #but the lighting changes were stronger than me #i'm too tired to proofread this ajhsdga i hope there's not too many typos #i am SO SORRY if i forgot anyone #if i've ever talked to you you probably know this bc i say it all the time but i'm just not good with words but i appreciate you all <3 #ALSO sorry for this messy formatting it was ok but then the links didnt work and then when i changed it there were huge breaks suddenly lol

[chickpea0]

Going to be real for a sec, just thinking outloud because I know this is a safe place and I need to get thoughts out. Veeerry long! Not a vent just a brain dump. do not bother reading this unless youre really reallyyy into biographies lol this is literally 1,915 words

I'm stuck inbetween minds at the moment. I keep asking myself if regression, or dreaming, isn't really for me. I found agere and petre when I was very young, about 14; it piqued my interest because I'm a very curious person, interested in different lifestyles and ways to explore the self but I also think that because I was just coming out of childhood even though I thought my childhood had ended years before. I was just growing out of being a tween and at that stage in life, it's really startling going from childhood to seemingly adulthood overnight and it's quite natural and common for people to want to cling onto things when everything is being shaken up like that.

Intamacy with people, vulnerability and emotional closeness is always somethign I've struggled with and felt like it was just out of reach so the idea of allowing myself to be back at a stage where I was raw, authentic and less closed up was really really appealing. Plus, the idea of people understanding that and guiding me and just being around me would mean they *really* like me and they're not just there because they have to be, even though I've never had a caregiver though I have had like 2 online friendships where I could be baby around them which felt quite good but I never quite felt satisfied. probably because it was online and neither laster over 3 months. I'm practically always masking and the idea of being weird (I mean this without negative connotation) and expressive really sounded amazing. I have also always always always wanted to be apart of a community but I just never have. No clubs or hobbies that made me feel welcome growing up, no proper friend groups that made made me feel at home, I think I've been in a lot of fandom/online community spaces just because I wanted to feel apart of something though because I was never able to contribute it just felt like a one-way mirror.

So!! I find a lovely community like this! With a focus on mental health, togetherness, working through things and taking time to appriciate things, it's great! I love you guys! I can even make moodboards and little posts and I have a cg blog and a slightly bigger blog where I help boost creators on here. I have mutuals!!!!! People follow me!!! We talk on tags and comments!!! I feel like I have insider knowledge and experience because I've had a lot of oppertuinty to reflect on life and mental health and even on regression itself. But thing is I do not regress often at all. When I do it's for split seconds. When I'm really sleepy, when I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable, if I'm having a weird spacey day. I'm not sure if it's more dissociation or a sudden wave of emotion or what. I think I'm just generally an immature person some times. I haven't grown up yet, I'm only an adolescent. It's not something I want to force because forcing things like this, especially if it is dissociation, can be pretty bad for your brain. Age dreaming is a different thing though.

For me I'm between a rock and a hardplace. I do not feel like I regress organically enough to be on here nearly as much as I am. I'm so tense that I feel like I can't relax or open up enough to enjoy even age dreaming. Brainfog, sure! But it's not regression. I also do not want to edge too far and go into maladaptive nostalgia terratory. I feel, lately, like I kind of need to say goodbye and thank you to my childhood but it's over now and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I think there's such a focus- everywhere online not just here- on "how good" the old days were. People making heart wrenching nostalgia edits with slowed minecraft music and ambient noise just to rake in veiws and to pull at your own heartstrings. It's natural to seek solace and yearn for something that was so familiar and safe especially at a time where not only is daily life changing for the individual but also for society at large. But rose tinted glasses are not accurate and can be dangerous. Nostalgia should be something that makes you feel light and refreshed. When you hear a song that you haven't heard in years and go 'oh! I remeber! I remember what my brain was like back then' and smile and move on. Maybe taking inspiration from it.

But.

I feel like my nervous system is so fried that making any progess is really draining and proper healthy coping mechanisms never seem to stick. I also feel very isolated, having no irl friends at the moment and not having any purpose like education, work, volonteering, passions, whatever. These are all things I have experienced for well over a decade which is... obviously a very large chunk of my life so far. So I really do need something to fill my life with, a familer space with familiar ideals and stuff. You guys are great. You have such refreshing takes and it just feels so calm and kind here. At the end of the day despite feeling a bit repetative at this point for me, I do enjoy looking at life through this lense. This place has not changed much at all since I started my blog in 2021. It's honestly one of the most consistant things in my day to day life! God. even the streets are changing but it's nice to know I can log on here if I need some reliability.

And thing is, I don't know if it's related to my ASD or my trauma or lack of experience in the world or none of those but I just feel a few steps behind my peers. They are all acting on their life plans or getting out and being social or enjoying new relationships. And I'm perfectly fine taking things at my own pace and growing in my own way but I just don't fit in really. I genuinely feel like I'll hit my stride in my mid twenties or older. Not because I'll have more qualifications or be high up in a career, I just feel like that is when I'll really start knowing and feeling like myself. That's the age when people generally start to figure things out. Basically, I like it here because I feel like I'm in a more similar life state. my focus is on getting through the day and making my own steps. I'm fine as long as I'm growing even if I'm burnt out lmao. Healing for over a decade drains you and I feel like my mental capacity is so small at the moment because of it. Like. I can't pick up a book or a new hobby or a job whatever because ALL of my bodily, mental, spiritual, emotional energies are going into mending and stuff. I feel like a 29 year old preschooler lol. 5 o'clock shadow and a sippy cup. haha. I like it here because it's like easy mode. it's like a holiday for your brain.

I'm honestly not sure what the point I started off with was. I have sooo many thoughts swirling in my head. At the end of the day I feel so burnt out and like I said, with such a small bandwidth that I feel like even regressing or dreaming or even just thinking about it is too much. Like. I used to cope and regulate by imagining scenarios in my head, like fanfics in my brain when I needed a little comfort but now I just can't! I can't imagine myself with a dream job or in a fantasy world or kissing someone cute, I just don't have it in me. It's not like I'm super low or anything, I'm actually generally pretty stable at the moment. I think what I want right now is to not feel alone. I don't want a relationship per se, not sure if it'd be fair to start something with someone but having a nice social circle would be a big relief. I can't remember ever really... having that. I guess I'm esoteric, with a full plate. I had a nice group of friends in college for about 2 years but thats dead now, we got on each others nerves at the end. But it was nice while it lasted. Imaging having a caregiver or being one is one of the only ways I can barely scratch that itch of wanting to rely on someone. Like. It's so deep at the moment, wanting comfort and all that, that "normal" soloutions to that just don't hit hard enough. Like I could imagine having a really nice friend group but irl I would need to be in a healthy friendship for quite a while before it started fulfilling that need, so imagining someone coddling me like I am a child, like I am something to be cherished, not just valued but cherished, that hits harder. thats nicer to think about. also also also co regulation + company is something i really desire.

I feel like I am so entwined with this community, more than anything else these days. It's sort of got a grip on me. and i dont know how i feel about that. none of you guys know me. i have mutuals, nice mutuals and people who are in my notes but none of you actually know me. i think maybe this place is more of a fantasy than a reality for me. and that tells me i need to distance myself but what else do i have?

I've tried taking a break before, you might remember, it only ended up being a few months but it was nice to come back.

right thats basically it. I assume if you've made it this far, seeing as I'm not even writing to anyone I'm just emptying my brain, I assume you're a very curious person. Someone who likes to feel involved. Like meeee. If anyone has any advice or sage wisdom or anything you want to say at all, please go ahead. This post is basically a bunch of thoughts with little resolve. This isn't really something I want to bring up with my therapist because onneee, I'm embarrassed, twwwooo she has most likely no idea of what age regression this, in this context. like. the age regression they talk about in regard to mental and psychological contexts, its pretty different to all this. anyway. i have other things in therapy to talk about lol maybe one day ill bring up that i feel like a small child in certain situations but let her lead that conversation. ah so.

yeah like. yeah. hi. if this resonates, im glad you found that. yeah. yeahhh i dont know. i have a lot of stuff going on. nothing in my life is straight forward. hence the... want to simplify things. I'm really tired now, wow!

to conclude, I'm a baby not necessarily a regessor. I'm running on fumes. i have a weird relationship with agere and im very hot and cold about it. goo goo ga ga but also i want to be respected and seen as a capable adult. i need a hobby. i need to rest but blehhhhh.

Here's a puppy as a treat for reading it all

#my biography guys #babbling #this probably has so many spelling errors and typos but im not going to run this through a spell checker because its basically just #brain dump

[alchemiclee]

I hate that whenever there's a gay ship, people immediately het-ify it. people are so obsessed with making one the "man" and one the "woman" when that's completely unnecessary, because they are both the man or the woman. It's extremely annoying. these people will completely mischaracterize a character to fit into their stupid little het roles they force on them.

for example, you don't need to make one man the "wife" and feminized him to the extreme and fit him in a traditional "woman" role so the other man can be the big strong masculine manly man. they can both be masculine or both be feminine or both be both at the same time! they do NOT need to be gendered opposites to fit het roles. crazy, I know! it's like no one considers it a possibility! or sees how good it can be to have them be equals without gendered nonsense.

when there's a gay relationship, you have the perfect opportunity for the couple to stand on equal ground. they get to be equals who are just as strong and just as soft as each other. there's no faulty power dynamics where one is above the other (because let's face it, society unfortunately deems masculinity > femininity). one doesn't need to protect the other. they can protect themsleves, fight aide by side as equals. one doesn't do all the housework. they share that duty equally. one isn't weak and pretty, while they other strong and manly. they both are strong and pretty, or masculine and weak at the same time.

equal relationships are amazing and need to be explored more and appreciated. there can be more understanding and working together. i'm bad at explaining what I mean, but I prefer these equal relationships over forcing them into opposite roles to mirror het relationships, which are usually extremely unbalanced and unequal. especially because these not het relationships! so why must they look like one? they can and should look different! so why does literally every shipper and writer out there make them so het coded?

I don't understand why people do this. do they actually believe all romantic relationships must mimic het ones to exist and thrive and purposely force that on them? or have they genuinely just not fathamed that they can be different and dont need to follow the expected het standards?

I wonder, it feels like no one actually knows how non-het relationships are meant to be and how they could work, since het ones are always forced down our throats since birth. it becomes The Standard that everyone thinks they must follow. maybe it's all people know since they don't see any other possibilities. their preferred dynamics for their ships are what we are taught and nothing different, because they don't know it can be different. i also think people might be obsessed with that whole "opposites attract" trope. but that opposite doesn't have to be the traditional het-fueld feminine vs masculine or wife vs husband characteristics. it can be other personality things like one is loud and one is quiet, one is dumb and one is overly smart, one is rich and one poor, etc. it doesn't have to be masculine vs feminine!

BREAK OUT OF THE HET NORMS!!!!! TEAR DOWN HETERONORMATIVITY!!!!!!!!! FREE THE GAYS

(disclaimer, not saying masculine vs feminine ships are all bad/shouldn't be done ever. but it doesn't need to be 100% of the time either 😅 can't think of one ship people dont do this with lol)

#cant even say its only het shippers because lgbt shippers do it too #i enjoy the ships i see more as equals. like cynonari and xingyue for example #first ones that came to mine lol #everyone feminizes the shit out of nari calling him cynos wide constantly but they're both strong leader types with a soft side #wife* #THEYRE SO EQUAL???? AND THAT MAKES THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO STRONG???? #then xingyue is funny because ive seen people frame BOTH yingxing and dan feng as the “wife” at different times. proof theyre equals! #maybe not proof lmao but you cant say the arrogant craftsman and proud dragon arent equals who get along super well #they arent het opposites at all imo. not even close #i just really enjoy balanced equals over unbalanced opposites. because the feminine is always seen as lesser and weaker than the masculine #and that always bothers me a lot lmao #im probably the minority here. im giving benefit of the doubt that people just never thought about it and do what theyre taught #but if everyone actually orefers this and its on purpose.......please reconsider 🤣 #prefers* #lee text #lee rambles #gay #lgbtq #gay ships #one relationship i felt was presented as equals (from best of my memory) was korrasami #they balance each other out and i see them as equals. one doesn't lead over the other. they're both leaders in their own ways. and carers #one reason i dont date is because most people are ovsessed with this unbalance opposite gender roles thing and i cant stand it lmao #obsessed* am tired of tag typos i miss until after i hit enter hfhfhdhdjdjsjs #this was long and rambly but i suddenly had many feelings and needed to say them #*

[anosrepasi]

So I said i was getting back into The Old Guard but also tumblr sandman content has infected me and this idea has been stuck in my head since i realized that i adored the character of Hob Gadling and thought, oh dude what a great character foil for another immortal character who goes through uhhhh, a lot of similar experiences but does no where near as well with it.

aka. What if Hob Gadling and Sebastien Le Livre became drinking buddies. Part two is here

--

Call it his age but Hob can’t help but feel that the world sends its boys to war now, rather than its men. The nations rally their youth to glory and service, in the name of queen and country, and ship them off to win the war on distant shores. Most come back in boxes.

He can only watch so much of that before he’s stopping by the nearest recruitment office and putting his latest fake name forward for the draft.

It’s a silly notion, that his presence can change the tide in what’s already being called “the great war.” He’s not looking to change the tide per say, but if he can save a few dumb kids who haven’t gotten the chance to live yet, well, then a few years invested in being a soldier again will be well worth it.

He’s got nothing pressing going on anyway, not for 76 years at the earliest.

So Hob Gadling fits the mantle of soldier back on his shoulders again, muddles through his training to neither fall behind or exceed expectations of a normal man his age, and gets himself shipped off to France to fight the Germans.

It goes as well as expected.

—

He cycles through units, and ends up staying near Ypres more often than not. His name mysteriously never ends up on the list for the men who’ve done their time on the front line and are reassigned to support or leave. He sticks close to where the fight is and doesn’t get friendly enough with anyone to cause an uproar about his lack of leave time.

He can’t die, better him here than somewhere else.

That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t start to recognize his comrades on rotation though.

They’re young fools, the majority of them. There’s an occasional old-timer like himself, and he can see the moment of recognition across the trenches when he’s stationed with someone else who’s seen war before. There’s a slight nod and that’s that.

As the war progresses however, it gets far more difficult to tell the old guard from the new. War ages a man, this one especially.

One of the boys in his present squad, down to five until more reinforcements can be brought in, cracks a joke one quiet morning that he’ll head home and be mistaken for his uncle when his parents meet him at the station. Hob hears a quiet scoff, “Better old than dead.”

His eyes glance up to the man on guard, a man around Hob’s age or slightly older. He’s quiet, keeps to himself in the week since he’s been rotated into Hob’s unit. He’s vigilant, in a way that Hob can respect as a man who’s more aware of his surrounds than he lets on.

“Cheers to the words of Private Book, wisest man this side of the western trench complex.” Hob runs his mouth without thinking and Book’s eyes flicker down to him before returning to his watch.

“Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l'admire.” Private Book says quietly, and Hob can’t help but have his interest suddenly piqued by the quiet words.

The man quotes Doyle but with an accent far more perfect than any Englishman who had a primer in French. Maybe he’ll have someone interesting to discuss literature with out here after all.

—

The Germans get lucky and manage to aim one fucking shell near perfectly into the middle of their particular stretch of trench that evening.

Hob comes to surrounded by the overarching noise of active warfare and the contrasting silence of everything around him. The nearest allied trenches are occupied at the moment so he has a moment to collect himself and come up with a plan before he’s set upon by either his allies or trench sweepers.

His stomach twists and protests as instead he forces his lungs to cough up the blood and dirt mixed in his mouth and tries feebly to call roll. “Smith. Karlson. Book. Turner. Any of you make it?”

The dead do not answer and Hob sighs, cursing and shakily getting to his feet to survey the damage. It’s not good. He’ll have to move, but he stops by each body and gently closes their eyes or position them into some sort of posture of rest, rather than a tangle of limbs.

Its when he’s saying rights over Turner, bless the kid’s hopeful soul, that body next to him jerks and shudders back into life with a gasp.

Hob has failed to die many a time, but he’s yet to see someone else come back to life in all his years. Getting caught by surprise isn’t a necessarily ridiculous response. He falls back, away from the body- man?, on instinct and offers his own short curse when the body of Private Samuel Book sits up with a groan and sighs when it catches sight of its hand knitting the flesh back together on the side that caught the blunt of the shells explosion.

Samuel Book looks up and freezes when he catches sight of Hob, the next moment both men are speaking in unison, “How the fuck did you survive that?”

#my writing #Hob Gadling #sebastien le livre #Booker #will this become a fic? yeah probably #is it totally nonsensical? oh yes #but i think hob deserves more friends and would be a good influence on booker #will it change anything for either canon? oh no not at all #also woe is me i fucking hate war history and tactics and i had to google pretty much everything about the setting to write this intro #the sandman #the old guard #also! so many typos! I am heading to bed! I wrote this in an hour of hyperfixiation! I need to be up in like 6 hours form now! #please excuse the typos this is proof of concept!

[gayleafpool]

Give me some Varian and/or Hugo related angst

Just rip my skin off with it

Go hard bestie

FUCK YEAH

-i think all interpretations of donella are fun, she’s not real so ppl can imagine her in any way they’d like. however my interpretation of her is that shes. kind of awful. she’s cold and distant and imagine she likely had a rough upbringing but she’s the type to think it made her stronger SOOOO she subjects hugo to the same things she went through to try to make him stronger. perpetuating the cycle type shit. i think he got his eyebrow scar from her. i think as he grows older is capable of physically overpowering her but he is so afraid of her that he would never be able to do it because she has so firmly cemented herself in his mind as someone he needs to fear and respect. i also think that donella does actually care about him but she’s so awful at showing it that it doesn’t matter. and when hugo finally is able to leave her behind she’s kind of shocked and it prompts her to try to make things right but it’s just too late there’s nothing to salvage

-building off what i just said i think donella would be very adamant about hiding weakness and pain n stuff. so when hugo gets injured on a mission he learns he has to hide it or she’ll yell at him for showing weakness. so he learns to either take care of his wounds by himself if they’re bad enough or just try to pretend they’re not there. fast forward to him meeting varian and he gets injured one day idk stabbed or something and nobody sees bc he hides it but he can’t get access to stitches or anything to clean it for a lil while so it gets infected and he gets ill and then of course varian finds out and helps him clean the wound (his hemophobia ran away for the day idk. or maybe the wound isn’t bleeding anymore so it’s fine. or he’s not looking too close) and hugo is like. pissed tf off because he hates that he needs help and hates how it makes him feel and varian is just so kind and gentle with treating his wounds and it makes him feel WEIRD and i think after that he has a bit of a moment bc being cared for after so long of not being able to show pain just kinda makes him realize how sick of this he really is

-when varian finds out how badly hugo had been treated by donella i think it would help him forgive hugo fairly fast bc varian understands how it feels to be used and manipulated by someone who has power over u. i think i’ve said it before but i think he had a real bad time in prison. why did they put him in a cell with a grown man. that was such a bad idea. i will not go too in depth abt it but i think he endured a number of types of abuse while there and i also think he would struggle to understand that it was a bad thing. he just lost all of his friends and his father he’s got nobody i think he would be so desperate for someone to care about him that it doesn’t hit him how fucked up the things he went through were until a little bit after getting out of prison. i think he ends having major issues with dissociation after prison bc of what happened to him and he’ll just kinda space out. i have soooo many feelings about this actually this is something very personal 2 me i could go on and on and on damn maybe i should write a fic. alexa play hard times by ethel cain but heed the content warnings

-hugo has major issues w food insecurity. he spent most of his life having to struggle to steal his own food bc donella couldn’t be bothered to take care of him. adjusting to a life where food is always readily available and free would be hard for him. i think it would make him angry. it’s just been this easy this whole time for all these people? why did he almost starve so many times back when he was just a kid? why did he watch the same thing happen to other kids around him? actually just in general i think hugo harbors a lot of anger and frustration towards royalty which again. makes living in the palace very tough. i think it’s at a level where he’s not even annoying and antagonistic towards most people in the castle it’s just like this quiet hatred bc it’s a wound that cuts so deep for him. he doesn’t even really wanna speak to them. doesn’t wanna be around them. i don’t think he really ever gets over this and i think the only person he ever really truly grows to trust (besides varian) is cassandra actually bc she very much understands how he feels

-varian varian varian my bpd king i think he is so talented at forming unhealthy attachments. he’s a weird little guy who spends all his time in his lab so he did not have any friends as a kid and probably got bullied tbh i mean he’s a tiny little nerd and basically for the longest time his dad was his only friend thus u have his first unhealthy attachment there which would explain him going off the deep end when quirin gets nerfed. i also think he got extremely attached to rapunzel eugene and cass as soon as they were nice to him bc again. no friends +ough the disorders. and he puts them on a pedestal. i think this also happened w andrew while he was in prison. and this habit of his makes him miserable bc he gets upset when he can’t be the center of their universe or when other people take priority over him or when he’s not getting the attention he wants but it also makes him more likely to endure being treated badly bc he can have a hard time differentiating between good and bad attention

-i think hugo is scared of becoming anything like donella and he’ll often catch himself doing things to other people that she used to do to him the cycle she perpetuated is so aggressively trying to suck him back in bc she’s literally all he ever knew. he had nobody else to look up to and all she ever taught him was how to be cruel and how to use others and hurt them when they didn’t behave the way you wanted to and it sucks bc he has seen that it WORKS. it’s awful and it’s cruel but it works. and sometimes his brain will tell him that it would be so much easier to just scare someone into doing what he wants but then he remembers that’s what donella would do to him and he just kinda. spirals because he can’t take the idea that someone who caused him so much pain is becoming a part of who is he and he can’t stop it because it’ll happen almost unconsciously sometimes

#asks #OUGH I EXPLODED SORRY #they have soooooo many issues #abuse #<- just in case #also there probably so many typos in this #varian

[iridescentoracle]

Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons re: the political cohesion of Doriath. 👀

Oh man, I didn't expect anyone to actually take me up on that!

(Okay so I got partway into writing this and then realized I should probably note up front that I tend to stick to the Silm (& LOTR/the Hobbit where applicable, but they... aren't, here) as the most authoritative version of canon, and I can get into why and where the nuances/exceptions are there (I do say tend to stick, it's not hard and fast!), but that's mostly a side note here: the point is simply that I don't really factor other drafts or the poetic Leithian into my take on Doriath, Thingol, Dior, etc, just what we're told in the actual Silm. I also read the Silm as an in-universe history text compiled by in-universe scholars, who, being people, are going to have their own biases and blind spots, even when they're doing their best to be accurate!)

So, this is a two-part thing: #1, there's the political cohesion of Doriath before & at the time of Thingol's death, which i talked about in the tags of the post that prompted this ask but is kind of necessary as context for the Dior part to make sense, and #2, there's the actual Dior headcanons. Both of these parts are very long because I've never really seen anyone else suggest any of this stuff and I want to explain where I'm coming from thoroughly enough that it actually makes sense to people who aren't me, but the TL;DRs:

TL;DR 1: I think Doriath was probably a hot mess politically after Thingol died, with tensions between various groups of Sindar and Laiquendi in the leadup to Thingol's death & Melian's departure, and more political tensions afterwards between those who wanted Beren & Lúthien to come be the new rulers, and those who thought they should stay gone, with someone still in Doriath taking over.

TL;DR 2: I think Dior became Eluchil, potentially at the request of some portion of the Iathrim, hoping to help prevent Doriath from devolving into civil war, and saw dealing with the Silmaril-Fëanorioni situation as a lower priority than stabilizing Doriath's internal political situation until it was too late.

1. The political cohesion (or rather, lack thereof) in Doriath prior to Thingol's death

So, okay, the thing about Doriath is that we don't actually have any real idea of like... how much the Iathrim liked being the Iathrim? We're never told about any intra-Iathrim conflict, but a) the Silm was probably compiled mostly by surviving Gondolindrim or their descendants, so they wouldn't know about anything liike that unless surviving Iathrim told them, and after the Second Kinslaying I don't imagine many Iathrim would've been eager to talk about how things had actually been tense/messy/etc when they could remember everything as having been perfect until it was ruined by the Fëanorionrim, and doubly so after the Third Kinslaying, so why would anything like that make it into the Silm?

and b) what we do know about Doriath is that it wasn't really Doriath as we know it until Morgoth came back to Middle-earth, and everything went to hell.

At the start of the first age, you suddenly get Doriath (the fenced land!) being the one protected area of a continent that used to be totally free and open. How many Sindar actually didn't particularly care for Thingol's style of leadership, or simply preferred to live nomadic lives, going basically wherever they pleased, until suddenly that wasn't safe anymore, and you were only guaranteed survival if you were close enough to Menegroth to be within the Girdle when it went up? ditto how many Laiquendi had no interest in swearing loyalty to Thingol right after their own king had just been killed, but again, made it to safety and stayed there over taking their chances on their own in the outside world?

I think it's entirely possible that there were always potential political tensions under the surface in Doriath that just... never got written about, because they never boiled over into actual political conflict, and so it was never the sort of tension that had any bearing on the historical record.

Except then Beren & Lúthien happen to the world, and a few years later the Narn, and in the blink of an eye suddenly the only king Doriath has ever had is dead, and the only queen Doriath has ever had is gone and the Girdle with her—and more than that, the only rulers the Sindar had ever had for three thousand years before Doriath existed.

And where a few years earlier I think the Iathrim would probably have turned pretty universally to Lúthien, now she's abandoned them for her human husband—and while she's my favorite character in the entire legendarium hands-down and I don't blame her, I think that's another place there might have actually been some very mixed feelings among the Iathrim that nobody wanted to admit to later because how could anyone have been upset with Lúthien—and on top of her abandoning them for him, I think it's extremely probable most of Doriath did not actually get over their xenophobia about humans in general or Beren in specific when Thingol did (we know for sure at least some of Doriath didn't, cf. Saeros insulting Túrin's mother & sister to his face), but again, who's going to admit to having had a grudge against the holy couple of Middle-earth after the fact, you know?

Conversely, there could've been a sizeable faction of Sindar who had been totally loyal to Thingol until everything happened with Beren & Lúthien, but who found his actions towards them and/or Finrod to be where they drew the line, and while (unlike B&L themselves) that faction stayed in Doriath, there could've been a new, additional tension on that front.

Finally, for all we know there were multiple factions within the Laiquendi of Doriath, with political tensions stretching back to before their king died, rooted in who-even-knows!

2. Dior

All of that, of course, sets up a very, very messy political situation for Dior to walk into.

The Doriath stuff is arguably more speculation than actual headcanon, but here's where the unambiguous headcanons come in: I don't think "Dior Eluchil set himself to raise anew the glory of the kingdom of Doriath." Obviously that's how it got written down, but bluntly, I can't see Beren and Lúthien having a kid that stupid or, like, power-hungry and arrogant?

What I can see is a situation where the messenger that brought word of Thingol's death and Melian's departure asked Beren & Lúthien to come take over as the new king and queen, we promise we're not mad about you leaving and we won't be xenophobic to your husband anymore we swear it's fine now pretty please, Beren & Lúthien said no, and the messenger either asked Dior as a second choice, or said "okay fine none of that was actually true but Doriath is falling apart and we need a leader ASAP and there's about eight different contenders* (mostly kinsmen of Thingol or Laiquendi) being backed by various factions and it's going to devolve into civil war any minute so if you care at all—" and Dior said "would I do?"

(* Ask me about my Galadriel headcanon)

I don't think Dior necessarily wanted to be king of Doriath, and I don't think he saw the throne as his birthright or anything like that; I don't think anyone involved, from Thingol to Lúthien to Dior himself, ever considered the possibility of Thingol dying and needing an heir! I think it's possible he was asked, or at most that he offered, and either way, I think he saw becoming king as taking on a responsibility for the sake of others.

(Which, like, "well here's a potentially impossible task that I'm going to take up even though probably no one thinks I'm actually capable of it, but it's my duty to help others as best I can" sure does sound to me like an attitude one might develop when raised by Lúthien "I kicked Sauron's ass cast a sleep spell on Morgoth and persuaded the Valar to find a loophole in the fabric of reality" Tinuviel and Beren "I stayed by my father's side as an outlaw to give my mother time to lead the rest of our people away hopefully to safety knowing I would never see her or any of them again (and then spent several years being a giant thorn in Morgoth's side for good measure)" Barahirion, where "apparently my grandpa I may or may not have ever met died, guess that makes me the king of a place i may or may not have ever been" does... not.)

I also think he either took on the epithet Eluchil, or was given it by whichever factions of the Iathrim accepted him as king, when he actually became king. Obviously he's going to be referred to as Dior Eluchil even before that in retrospect because that's how he's thought of later, but that doesn't mean it was actually a name he always had, you know?

The final thing is, I think if Dior essentially walked into a political situation five seconds from devolving into civil war, it makes his inaction regarding the Silmaril prior to the Second Kinslaying make more sense: the Fëanorioni have been sitting around doing nothing about the Silmaril in Doriath / with Beren & Lúthien this whole time, the letter saying "hey that's our Silmaril give it back now" is probably just a formality, and Dior's only been ruling for a couple years, there's still plenty of people dubious about whether he should be king at all, he might well be subject to at least some of whatever xenophobia remains about humans in Doriath, and in general all the work he's done on stabilizing the kingdom will absolutely come undone again if he screws up; he's trying to keep a kingdom from falling apart, the Silmaril thing can wait.

Of course, it wasn't a formality, and it couldn't wait, but why would Dior have known that?

#shrikeseams #replies #doriath #the silmarillion #dior eluchil #lotr #lotr meta #i guess? #character: dior #jesus christ this is so much longer than i meant it to be i'm so sorry #also my lunch break was supposed to end twenty minutes ago WHOOPS please forgive any typos i have no time to fix #also there wasn't a good place to stick this in #but i also think everyone in doriath probably has PTSD about thingol's death #(many of them may also have had PTSD already esp the laiquendi or those of the sindar who had to return to menegroth in a hurry #when the first waves of orcs showed up #but anyone who didn't already almost definitely does by the time dior gets there #because holy shit our king is dead the girdle is gone none of us are safe now and he was murdered before the girdle even fell #so have we even been as safe as we thought all this time or were the last couple centuries a lie?) #but yeah those are my dior headcanons!! idk if that picture of doriath or dior in particular are to anyone's taste but mine #but if nothing else i like the idea of dior getting to be... an actual person? and someone i can see having been raised by beren & lúthien #and he doesn't really get to be either of those in the silm and i rarely see him in fanworks getting fleshed out like other characters do #and i think that's kind of a shame #you know? #also yes i am completely ignoring that dior's name theoretically means ''successor'' bc like. why would they name him that #that is from an early draft and there is no way to know if ''dior'' would even have stayed his name #if tolkien had gotten around to updating all the names in B&L/CoH etc into modern Sindarin #never mind if it would have meant anything remotely similar #this is mostly a first-draft post written in one sitting in the space of 45 minutes partially while late for work #i have Definitely left many points out and i am sorry if anyone has questions about things i probably have answers / can elaborate further?

[sesamenom]

C&C vs PD: Tengwar Edition

#silm #silmarillion #tengwar #wwelves #oath of feanor #kitto & elto #tengwar practice got out of hand lol #this was intended to be a few lines for handwriting practice... #oh well i'll probably post the Oath individually sometime #i did all the translating myself (mostly english phonemic; quenya for names) so theres probably a good many errors and typos lol #still not sure the difference between the different R an Z tengwasse #turns out mentally reading everything in a fake british accent helps with differentiating the non-tehta vowel sounds lol #inspired by the pd theme song's chorus having a concerning amount of modern-au-Oath vibes #hopefully one day i can do an actual quenya translation #and maybe once my handwriting gets even enough that i can keep the lines straight without a transparent lined-paper layer #i might do the Oath in proper calligraphy?

[chimaeraonwards]

i dont think the 1975 understands that what they did last night will probably put the lgbt movement in malaysia back by like 20 steps.

its already so hard for us to talk about it and help people understand but now all they will be thinking about is how this concert had a man kiss another man in a drunken stupor.

while im glad that for many people around the world, they are able to live freely and love who they love. but this is not the case for us living in places where it is illegal and punishable by law.

im not saying that i think the law is right or just. but i am saying that we do what it takes for us to survive.

and most of the time, surviving means loving quietly to live another day.

(if you think 1975 getting banned is harsh, think about the potential backlash a queer person might face here)

ALSO to the people who are not from Malaysia or South East Asia in general, not everyone here is homophobic, so stop grouping all of us together like that. its easier for you to make comments saying that the whole country/region is homophobic but that isnt true.

we're here.

listen to us.

#lgbtqia #lgbtq community #lgbt pride #malaysia #the 1975 #matty healy #lgbt #not to mention that this is probably going to affect the music industry and concert culture as a whole #this whole thing is gonna make so many people go BACK into the closet #goodvibesfestival #edited cause of typos #sue me im mad

[chewchuck]

officially reached the word count of the original part and i’ve got at LEAST thousand or so more words to go to finish this thing i think i have brain damage

#chilaios #i really hope it’s even fucking comprehensible #i probably won’t get it beta’d before i post it so likely to hold MANY typos #but i’ll probably get someone to look it over and then i’ll fix whatever’s wrong with it lol

[transgender-craze]

It's insane how zionists are always so shocked that i care about the lives of inoccent palestinians and the lives of inoccent jews equally like "woww!! you seriously care about the lives of all people regardless of their race equally?? What?? How dare you not be racist!!" and they always go like "but,, 🥺🥺,, palestinian children are raised to be terrorist and are taught and they should kill all the jews🥺,," like what?? Cause like even if that was true (which it isn't) what's still a literal child?? Who didn't choose to be born in this conditions?? Like, so what you're saying is that if an israeli israeli man goes into a mosque and kills 10 palestinians and has raised his children that they should kill palestinians than it's completely okay to kill his children?? Cause that's kind of what you're sounds like. Like, why is it controversial to think children shouldn't be killed because who their parents are or where they're born?? Why is it controversial to care about the lives of inoccent people equally regardless of their race???

#free palestine #anti zionisim #jews for palestine #btw i am talking about irl conversation i am talking about irl conversations with zionsit cause i am constantly surrounded by them every da #cause i was born and live in israel so #so tired of these stupid fucks #anyways yeah free palestine אמן #אני לא מאמין באלוהים אבל עדיין אמן #anyways praying (not really I don't believe in god) for an anarchist revolution #ffs i am tired of this world #jumblr #there will probably be people for the jumblr tag attacking me but i AM a jew on tumblr so fuck you #so many typos and just repeting words in this holy shit can my brain stop with this shit

[rongzhi]

Hi Wawa, I have a question. What is the difference you noticed between what the American-dominant demography of tumblr vs what douyin users tend to fixate on?

Nothing specific coming to mind atm in regard to like, general trends. Maybe one thing is like, Tumblr likes to ask unimportant questions? "Why is THIS THING happening", "Why is THAT there?".

Anal-retentive stuff like that.

Tumblr likes to fixate on missing shoes, for example. It's always "where did her shoe goes", "why's he missing a shoe", "omg the missing shoe". Honestly, nobody on douyin noticed the shoe, or if they did, they didn't care to comment on it. Like who cares where the shoe is? This video is not about how someone's foot got busted up because they were only wearing one shoe. Like this is a silly goofy video, officer, why are you asking so many questions. Etc.

Douyin users like to play "yes and" in the comment section is another point of contrast, I guess. That is, if there's something that can be extrapolated and spectated on, it will be. Scenarios WILL be played out. POVs and thought processes of any character in a video (be it subject, passerby, inanimate object, or external reference) WILL be imagined and assumed.

I'm just spitballing here but I sort of feel like tumblr users don't do that because in general the evolution of the culture on this site makes it impolite to presume things about strangers or assert their POV, even jokingly. Or maybe this comes from IRL sensibilities, idk, seems like it could just be a general American thing (I say, speaking as one).

#text #answered ask #i caught like 14 typos typing this up so it could be incoherent but i'm not rereading that word vomit again so sorry anon #also sorry there are only 2 examples and one is just me ranting #but i do think tumblr demo as a whole is not very whimsical and bad at embracing the absurd aspects of comedy despite its self-image #or maybe im wrong and the truth is that tumblr users just share some sort of knee jerk reaction where they have to ask inane questions #which they couldve easily answered for themselves in the time it probably took to type it up in the tags #i don't mean this in a mean way btw. i genuinely ponder this #especially bc i never notice the things so many ppl end up commenting on and i see every video at least 3 times before everyone else

[coquelicoq]

i've gotten so used to my daily practice of reading french aloud that now when i have to read something boring in english for work i default to reading it aloud. which takes way longer and also i feel like i retain even less information than i would otherwise, somehow. the upside is that my oral reading cadence in english, even of dense scientific articles, is rather excellent nowadays. i could read scientific articles out loud for a living, if that was a thing people needed me to do. which they do not, because screenreaders are a thing. maybe i could read crusty PDFs out loud for a living? but anyway all this is to say shoutout to my man alexandre dumas and also my other man victor hugo for training me to read run-on sentences in my second language. after that, dry journal articles in my first language are easy peasy.

#this practice is giving me some insights that are relevant to my actual job though #i mean we already knew this but. try reading your sentences out loud. can someone understand them without seeing them? #if not...your sentence may be too complex and may need to be broken up into multiple sentences. #my clients have to write complicated shit in a readable manner and one of my coworkers had this whole #initiative for a while just trying to get them to write shorter sentences. but they completely ignored him lol #reading out loud also helps you catch typos. i caught so many in this published journal article just now (embarrassing for them) #i probably would have caught most of them if i had read it silently but you never know #it's really interesting to me that i think this skill of parsing syntax on the fly to modulate sentence-level prosody in french #seems to transfer to english. i mean that i've been practicing reading french aloud and it seems to have made me better at #reading english aloud too even though french and english have different syntax and punctuation conventions. #so that's convenient #french #syntax #prosody #my posts #i cannot believe i STARTED this daily practice with the count of fucking monte-cristo. way to start on hard mode. jesus #and then followed it up with les misérables of all things. am i a masochist?? #don't answer that.

[strangerays]

THIS JUNE

[wip introduction]

(originally known as the project Nothing in Particular and Everything)

start date: february 2021

stage: 4th draft

pov: first person, past tense

tags: #nip: inspo, #nothing in particular and everything, #this june, #this june inspo

Ask to be +/- from the tag list if that is something you would like!

Story

Ray's friends are finally back home from college. But in the seaside town where they grew up, everything has changed. Madison is always distracted by work and her controlling parents. She's dating Oliver. Oliver doesn't know what he wants to do with his life anymore, but he knows he can't stay in Point Blink. Lonan has made a new home for himself in the city with his boyfriend, so nobody is quite sure what he plans to do next.

June in Point Blink isn't turning out as perfect as Ray planned.

Judith just moved to Point Blink.

A somewhat disastrous pair, Ray and Judith fall victim to an act of arson on a mysterious landmark in the woods. Whilst the girls uncover the identity of the arsonist on a dusty old camera, they develop a strong bond with one another and a connection to their mental health neither of them had before. However, as Ray gets closer to saving herself, she digs up damaging truths about her closest friends that threaten to tear the five of them - and Point Blink - apart.

Characters

Ray – 20, a somewhat optimistic college student who misses her friends but will do anything to keep them together. spends most of her time in alone her bedroom or in the woods with a camera.

Judith – 19, the energetic new girl in town with an enigmatic background and a savior complex. used to live with her brother but decidedly does not anymore.

Lonan – 20, Ray’s best friend who loves his friends dearly but struggles to put himself and his art first. struggling to live with past decisions while navigating a new relationship.

Madison – 20, hates the idea of college and is very set in her ways, which can be detrimental to her friendships. works at a local coffeehouse.

Oliver – 19, the last person to join the friend group; the first person to leave. known for his boastful grades and sour humor.

#this june #so yayay!! here is my new book!!!! #i love my book i hope you do too :) #as you can probably tell the story is pretty much the same except the characters have aged up a few years and are in college #im exploring the exact same themes in a more mature setting #also !! i am a second year college student now as well!!!!! #the struggle is real and i need a place to put everything if we're being honest haha #so i think this book is gonna do that for me <3 #technically i didnt finish draft three but i did get close before getting SICK of writing it #sorry if there are typos in here i just really wanted to post this today ;-; #i dont have many exceprts yet but i am about 8k words into this draft so i suppose i shall have something soon!! #my writing #creative writing #original story #writeblr