#Yes I COULD just listen to it on YT I know someone put up *exactly* that one short clip where he laughs
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how to develop self love and confidence
— a step by step guide by yours truly ♥
disclaimer!! for some people it can take a lot longer to love themselves than others, so don't be discouraged if it takes a bit longer. just remember that no matter what you think, you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.
step 1: identifying the root cause
first you need to find WHY you dont love yourself. it usually comes down to these main reasons:
society
your looks
comparison
your abilities
childhood trauma
your current situations
it can be just one or more than one, and sometimes it may not be as simple as "my looks", sometimes you may have to dig deeper.
for me, it was because i thought i was "ugly"
step 2: once you know the WHY, research about the topic and try and solve it.
here ive broken down the 6 reasons to help you a bit: (but remember that this is just a small break down, if you want you can research more about the topic & try to battle it)
society:
society has tricked us into believing that loving yourself is considered 'vain' or 'narcissistic'. let me tell you right now that THAT IS NOT TRUE. loving yourself is a basic necessity that everyone should have!!
your looks:
this is something i struggled with for a loong time.
remember that beauty is subjective!! bob could think that travis looks 'average' but Leo could think that travis looks absolutely gorgeous!!
☆ so how did i overcome this?
i actually 'glowed up'. bc the main thing i didnt like was face- my teeth to be specific. so once i got braces, my teeth aligned and i started looking so much better.
☆ other struggles: ↴
for you if it may be acne, then you could start trying to take care of your skin better.
or if its body image then if you reeeeally dont like it then literally just start working out. if you have the option to yet you still dont then dont complain. but remember that ALL BODIES ARE PERFECT.
★
another thing that helped me a lot was affirmations! i listened to a bunch of affirmations -> i used this video by thewizardliz and it did wonders! (you can also search up on yt self-love/ beauty affirmations)
comparison:
for most people comparison comes from social media right? the simple solution to this would be unfollow accounts that dont serve you, or delete/ set a time limit on the social media platform
"but what if i compare myself to people i meet in real life?"
well we can't exactly unfollow or delete these people but what we can do is turn that jealousy (yes, jealousy) into inspiration! be inspired by the people with greater lives and use that to pull yourself forward!
☆ a quote that i read once (that may or may not help you) :
"do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50." you never know what the other person has gone through or is going through that got them to this point!
your abilities:
okay theres not much i can say here except that you can learn almost everything online nowadays. stop complaining and get off your lazy butt to prove to yourself just how much potential you have! (but don't beat yourself up for being a lazy butt, im one as well)
here is a link to a TON of stuff you can learn online!
childhood trauma:
this is a bit of a more delicate subject which i do not know a lot on, my best suggestion would be to just go to therapy (or use an online therapy app- betterhelp).
- watching thewizardliz may help as well as she might know more about the topic.
your current situation:
whether its trouble with friends, at school, at work, or with family i promise you that these things do not last forever. humans were not put on earth to be unhappy and miserable! (whats the point in that?)
my advice is to learn more about the topic (for ex i was struggling with being left out w friends for a while and it did hurt a bit) and see what you can do to fix it or at least make the best out of it.
+ another reminder that you can use the law of assumption- in basic words the law states that whatever you desire, you have. all you need to do is accept that.
heres a quote i read:
"if you dont like where you are,, then move. you aint a tree."
this is literally YOUR life. RESPECT yourself and dont let people treat you bad because that is disrespecting yourself!
step 3: focus on yourself!!
my favourite step!!
this is your sign to stop focussing on others' lives and start focussing on your own.
when you start to focus on yourself, up level yourself and try to become your best version of yourself, you actually end up falling in love with that version of yourself, and your current version!
ask yourself: is there even something to love?
ask yourself: would you want to date or be friends with someone like you? think actually deep about this; if your answer is no, then that obviously means that there is some work to do.
if you're constantly negative and complaining and rude all the time, trust me, literally no ones gonna want to hang out with you. and then you'll adopt that 'victim mindset' of "nobody likes me and i suck". instead of doing that, why dont you try to just suck a bit less? there isn't any pressure on you to become amazing the next day, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
small things/habits to start:
gratitude
hydration
exercising
journalling
meditation
eating healthy
developing a skill
get enough sleep
take cold showers
taking care of your skin
invest in your appearance
focussing on school/ your grades
go outside! go for walks, be in nature!
changing what you consume (resources below)
some resources that helped me SO MUCH:
♡ thewizardliz
♡ tam kaur
♡ persephone's mind
and meditation! its so extremely underated but SO VALUABLE.
xoxo, vanilla
#agirlwithglam🎀✨#it girl tips💗💋#vanilla self improvement⭐️#self love#it girl#girlblog#confidence#self improvement#self validation#self worth#self love guide#that girl#girlblogging#that girl tips#it girl tips#it girl energy#confidence guide#confidence tips
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#25.
When was the last time you read a whole book, to the last page exactly?
When I finished Britney's autobiography.
Have you ever begged the opposite sex for anything at all?
I beg during sex, but that's it lmao.
Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future?
No.
Can people read your facial expressions easily? If so, why is this?
It depends.
When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not?
Uh, yes. Movie tickets are expensive, of course I'm watching.
Have you ever had one of those major fights with your current bf/gf?
We've never had a major fight, the closest we get is arguments where we forget quickly why we even argued to begin with.
Does it scare you when the sky gets really cloudy and dark during the day?
Not really.
What was the last amusement park you went to? Did you have fun?
Rainbow's End with my boyfriend last year, it was fun.
Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music?
Yes, but I don't care.
Do you have Pop-Tarts in your house right now?
No.
Is anyone’s birthday coming up?
Not this month, but my boyfriend's birthday is on May 1.
Does someone owe you over twenty dollars?
No. I don't lend people money, it's a slippery slope. I do buy tickets and other things for my Mum and she pays me back, but that's the closest I get to it.
Do you like sour candy?
Yes.
What has changed most about you in the past year?
I'm so much fitter, I can actually walk up stairs without getting out of breath now lol.
Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life?
No.
How are things between you and the person you like/love/are with?
We are amazing <3
If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?
Ayumi Hamasaki. I've watched her tours on DVD and YT and they look so fun.
Why aren’t you in “love” with your last ex?
Why would I be? He's my ex. What a weird question.
Do you think being born was a mistake?
No.
Have you ever been arrested?
No.
Has a relative ever been arrested?
Yes. Long story.
Is there a holiday you wish no one celebrated? Which is it? Why do you feel that way?
I don't care. Celebrate what you like.
What would you paint on a rock?
A wrestler's logo.
Do you have a favorite hoodie?
My 'Unscripted Mox Violence' one! I love that hoodie.
Do you like who you are?
Yes.
What is your latest new hobby?
Dunno, all my hobbies are ones I've had for years.
Do you get carsick?
Sometimes.
What sport is your favorite to watch?
Wrestling.
How many pounds do you need to lose/gain before you’re at your ideal weight?
I don't know about pounds, but I need to lose about 10kg.
What does the last T-shirt you got look like?
I think it was a Mox shirt, I'm pretty sure. I own like 40 shirts of his, so it's likely him lol.
Do you think weird it’s for someone to have never tried soda?
Depends where they live, if they live somewhere where it's easy to get, then it's a bit odd. And I don't mean they don't like it or drink it, it's weird if they've NEVER had it, not even to try.
Do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents?
All of us are either atheist or just don't care.
What’s your favorite Led Zeppelin song?
No clue, don't listen to them.
Do you have a nervous habit? (e.g. biting nails, tapping feet, smoking)
I play with my hair a lot, and I just fidget and change position a lot. I can't stay still xD
Would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling?
I'm an only child.
Do you have any appointments coming up?
Yes.
Do you put appointments in your phone’s calendar app to remember them?
I put them on my actual calendar in my room cos it's right above my desk, so I always see it.
Will you be visiting anyone’s house in the next week or so?
Yep.
Have you ever used Tumblr? Do you still use it today?
I'm using it right now, lol.
What’s your favourite Ben & Jerry’s flavor?
Never had it.
Have you ever been to a school reunion? How was it?
No, and with the invention of social media it's not needed, everyone knows what everyone else is doing.
What are your parents’ names and what do they do for a living?
Margaret & Mike, they're both retired. My Dad used to be a phone technician, he fixed them for businesses, and my Mum used to work all sorts of jobs like she was a lunch lady, worked at a bank and her last job was working at a drycleaners.
Do you have any siblings? What are their names, age, and grade they are in?
No.
Do you know a schizophrenic person?
No.
Who were you last in a car with and where did you go?
Since it's been Easter and we haven't gone anywhere together, it wasn't my boyfriend lol. It was my Dad, when we went to the mall on Saturday xD
Name the last 3 people you kissed and list one nice thing about each one.
My boyfriend is just amazing and the other two guys... meh.
Who was the last person to kiss your forehead?
My boyfriend.
The last song you heard, what does it make you think of?
Busted - 3AM (Hits Version). And I dunno, it's just rocky and cool.
How do you think you’ll celebrate your 100th birthday?
Haha, will I even get that far?
Which television family is most like your own family?
None.
What kind of pet could someone have that would make you think that person is crazy?
Anything that is a wild animal.
Name something you keep on the nightstand.
I don't have one.
As a child, what frightened you the most?
Just the idea of someone breaking into my house.
During high school, what was your worst subject?
Maths. Always and forever.
At what age did you get your first kiss?
I was 8 lol.
How many pieces of gum have you chewed today?
None.
Do you know anyone who is paralyzed?
Yes.
What did you do last night?
I talked to my boyfriend, listened to music and played Pokémon Rejuvenation.
Who was the last person to text you?
My boyfriend, he was complaining about going back to work after Easter lol.
Do you get intimidated easily?
Depends.
Why did you last cry?
It was just at something sad I was watching.
Did someone see you crying?
No.
Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes.
What is the wallpaper on your cellphone?
Lock screen is my photo with Five haha, I usually have my Shield rotating lock screen. My main screen wallpaper is just a pic of Mox where he's shirtless and sweaty xD
Where is your best friend right now?
She's at work for sure.
Can you count to 100 in any other language?
No.
Are you a fan of Rob Zombie?
No.
Last two songs you listened to?
Busted - 3AM (Hits Version) & Dreamcatcher - VISION.
Is your skin sensitive?
Yes. It gets super dry and I get allergic reactions super easy.
Are you sensitive in general?
Depends.
Have you ever made a gingerbread house?
No.
Who did you last get in a fight with?
An idiot at work who was belittling me.
Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos?
OMG YES. I miss them so much, I haven't eaten them in so long :(
Name one thing you ate today?
Nothing so far.
Do you watch videos on YouTube?
Constantly.
Do you regularly use a blow dryer?
Yes, everytime I wash my hair.
Would you date someone who was a different religion than you?
I'm atheist, lol, so it's likely they will. I'm cool with it as long as they don't try to shove it on me. My boyfriend is atheist too, so that's cool.
Have you ever had sushi?
Yes. I'm not a fan.
ou see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?
Well, that's my boyfriend, so I'd be happy to see him xD
Have/are you depressed?
No.
Do you call anybody “baby?”
My boyfriend. And I also jokingly refer to my fave wrestlers that way haha.
Where is the fanciest place you have ever visited?
This restaurant I forget the name of, it was for a work do for my boyfriend's office. I was so glad I wasn't paying cos everything cost like a zillion dollars and it was all this weird hoity toity food. My boyfriend and I both thought it was ridiculous xD I just ordered some pasta dish lol, my boyfriend ordered lobster and it cost like 80 bucks or something! We agreed afterwards that it's a place we'd never go to normally.
Do you like to sing?
I love it, but I suck at it lol.
Are there some songs that you will never understand the lyrics to?
Well, yes. I listen to a lot of music in languages I don't speak xD
How many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis?
I wear 4 on one hand and 3 on the other, lol.
Have you ever attempted to sculpt something from ice?
No.
Have you ever had to wear an oxygen mask?
No.
Have you ever starved yourself?
No.
Do you like Robot Chicken?
Never watched it.
Has anyone ever had to physically restrain you from doing something?
No.
Do you like the pretzel M&Ms?
Yes.
Have you ever been embarrassed to have a crush on someone?
Not that I know of.
Do you have a locket? What’s the picture inside of it?
No.
Have you ever seen someone who wore a real eyepatch?
Only cos they hurt their eye, they didn't wear it all the time.
Did anyone witness your last kiss?
No.
Anyone who’s way over protective of you?
My boyfriend is, but not in an insane way.
Have you ever been to a rave?
No.
Do you know anyone who has changed their first name?
I don't think so.
Have you ever dated someone who posted a ton of selfies on social media?
Yes.
Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived?
No.
Do your parents have a strong relationship together?
They're divorced, but they're very friendly.
Are you on good or bad terms with your most recent ex?
Neither, I don't talk to him anymore.
Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive?
I guess?
What was the last carbonated drink you had?
Coke Zero Sugar.
Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia?
No.
Do any of your neighbors have loud children?
Yes. The ones directly next to us in the complex next door have 3 kids, 2 of them are young and scream loads. It's annoying but they eventually go to bed and shut up lol.
Have you ever sleepwalked?
No.
Do you have any credit card debt?
No, I only have a debit card.
What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid?
Just playing outside.
Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies?
Hmm, depends what you consider uncommon.
What’s something that would make you incredibly happy right now?
Becoming rich xD
What did you do for your 18th birthday?
I had a sleepover with my best friends.
Have you ever been to the Caribbean?
No.
Have you ever fostered an animal?
No.
What’s the most worthwhile thing you’ve done in the last year?
Kept going to the gym.
What foods make you want to gag?
Onions. The texture of them makes me sick, and even one piece of onion in something will completely ruin it, I won't be able to eat it after that.
Have you ever made out with someone?
Yes, obviously.
How old were you when you started to walk?
No idea, but I think it was in the normal age range.
What cheers you up when you’re sad?
Talking to people I care about, watching wrestling, playing video games, watching YT videos etc.
What do you sleep in?
In summer - shorts and a tank top. In winter - pyjama pants and a long sleeved shirt. In between seasons, I mix and match them like PJ pants and a tank top.
Have you ever tanned topless?
I don't do tanning.
What’s something you’ve been told you’re good at?
Typing xD
What’s the furthest away you’ve ever traveled?
The UK.
Are you a cat or dog person?
Cats. I love cats so much. I think dogs are extremely cute and I always go awww over adorable dogs, but I'd never own one.
Have you ever done drugs?
No.
Recommend a really amazing book.
The entirety of the Weather Warden series by Rachel Caine. If you like fantasy, I recommend them.
Recommend a really amazing song.
Oh so many. But I'll go with Girls Aloud - Disco Bunny. A super fun dancey song!
Recommend a really amazing movie.
I don't like movies that much.
Who’s your favorite actor/actress?
Johnny Depp.
Have you ever run away from home?
No.
Do you exercise ever?
Yes of course, I go to the gym 3 times a week! And I walk everywhere.
Are you claustrophobic?
I used to be, but I'm much better now.
Do you enjoy cooking?
No.
Do you wish you could go back and change anything about your childhood?
Not really.
Who’s your favorite rapper?
Eminem probably, he has some really great songs.
What would your mom do if you told her you were pregnant?
She'd be surprised cos she's aware I don't want kids.
Have you ever considered changing religions?
I'm atheist.
Have you ever been caught sneaking out?
I’ve never tried to.
What did you have for dinner tonight?
Mac and cheese.
Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Yes.
When was the last time you hung out with your best friend?
Over a month ago :( Her car broke down so she couldn't make it to the gym, she got it fixed but is now doing overtime at work cos she needs spending money for when she goes to Japan next week. I'll catch up with her when she gets back.
What is a movie you’re waiting to see?
None.
Who was the last person to cook something for you?
My Mum.
Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends?
No.
If so, which one?
-
What is your mom doing right now?
She's putting away groceries cos we just went to the supermarket.
Are you currently listening to music?
Not right now.
Do you agree that abortion is wrong?
Of course not, I'm pro choice.
Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook?
One of my friends.
When was the last time you had a period?
2020 lol, I have an IUD so I don't get periods anymore, I haven't had a proper one in 4 years. I spot, but that's about it.
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To Appease All The People Who Want 'What If — Was In The Eggpire' AUs, I Present You This Tumblr Post.
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{ Dream }
• This Senario Would Take Place If The Egg Somehow Broke Him Out Of Pandora's Vault.
• In My Opinion, Dream Wouldn't Change At All, In Fact, He Wouldn't Do Anything. The Egg Would Simply Use His Knowledge Of People And Manipulation Tactics To It's Advantage.
• So With Dream, I Can't Exactly Say Anything Other Than He'd Basically Just Be Someone The Egg Keeps Gaurd Of (Like Skeppy) For It's Own Reasons.
|
{ TechnoBlade }
• And Here, We Probably Have The Canonically Most Generally Powerful Person On The Server. 'The Blade'.
• Honestly, I Don't Know How The Egg Could Accomplish This, But If It Could Somehow Get Rid Of The Voices... Techno Probably Wouldn't Stand A Chance Now That He Doesn't Have The Chat To Muffle It.
• How It Keeps Him Under Control? It's... Complicated. It Might Seem Easy, Just Threaten Him With Bringing The Voices Back... But That Won't Work. That Tactic Would Just Make Him Realize How Much Power He Had Over The Voices And The Egg Currently As A Result.
• So... What If It Didn't Threaten Him At All? But Rather, Gave Him The Praise The Voices Wouldn't. Yes, It Would Still Ask For Blood... But It Would Do It Nicely. Yes, Techno Would Probably Give The Egg What It Wants... But Instead Of Demanding More Like The Voices Did, The Egg Would Tell Him He Did A Good Job Doing This For It And Thanking Him For It.
• And Yes, I Admit The Idea Is A Bit Far-Fetched... But If You Look At Everything, It Could Potentially Work!
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{ TommyInnIt }
• Much Like Techno, Tommy Is Someone Who Struggles To Get A Trusted Relationship Of Any Kind. And If He Does, He'll Still Be Very Suspicious. That Combined With The Fact That Almost Everyone Is Treating Him As If Their In A Higher Position Than He Is... Yeah...
• That's Why He Acts The Way He Does. He Wants Attention, He Wants To Be Noticed In A Good Way, He Wants To Make Friendships He Can Rely On... But Nobody Will Let Him, Because He's 'Just A Troublesome Child'.
• Tommy Would Probably Get The Same Treatment Techno Did, Just With A Lot More Compliments And Praise Just Sprinkled In There To Form A Sort-Of Bond With Him.
• This Would Be Tommy's Downfall, Because Dispite His Negative Relationships With The Eggpire In The Past... The Egg Is Being Nice. It Isn't Calling Him A Child, It Isn't Placing Itself Any Higher Than He Is, It's Trying To Be His Friend.
|
{ Ph1LzA }
• And Here We Have The Famous Ph1LzA MineCraft, Who... Never Actually Had A Negative Interaction With The Egg Or The Eggpire To My Knowledge.
• Also, According To A YT Video I Found Talking About His Lore, Apparently He Once Called The Vines 'Warm And Cozy' Or Something Like That... Implying He Actually Likes The Blood Vines.
• The Egg And The Eggpire Could Definitely Use This To Their Advantage If They Tried To Recruit Phil At Some Point, Just Taking Advantage Of A Situation Where Phil Is Tired One Day And Getting Him To Rest On A Blood Vine.
• As For How He'd Change... I- I Don't Think He Would. He'd Just Be Using His Dadza Powers For The Egg To Take Advantage Of. Although... I Have A Feeling He'd Be A Lot More Quiet While In Conversation, No Real Reason For It, Just Him Ending Up As A Member That Let's Other's Do The Talking.
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{ Tubbo_ }
• This Is A Bit Of A Strange One, As I Don't Really Have An Idea Of How The Egg Could Get Him On It's Side. However, I'll Still Try My Best For The Sake Of This Tumblr Post.
• Tubbo Is A Character Who Can Easily Be Described As 'Envious' If You Get Your Information Right. No For Anyone In Particular, But Rather To The Safety He Never Had. Snowchester? The Nukes? Platonically Marrying Ranboo For Tax Benifits / Wealth? All Of It Was For A Feeling Of Safety. Safety He Envies For, Because He Never Truely Got It.
• This Is Something The Egg Could Take Advantage Of, Promising Him A Feeling Of Safety For Him All All Of Those He Cares About, Examples Being Tommy, Ranboo, And Michael Although There Is Probably More.
• Changes Wise, He'd Probably Lose At Least A Fifth Of His Usual Chaos Gremlin Energy He Has, Because Most Of It He Had Before Was Because He Wanted To Be Intimidating Or Funny Depending On The Person... But Now, Now He Doesn't Have To Do That Anymore.
|
{ Quackity }
• Honestly... I Have No Ideas For Quackity. He Seems To Be The One Most Opposed To The Egg, Probably Even More Than Sam & Puffy. If You Have Any Ideas, Be Sure To Tell Me And I'll Ads It If I Can Agree With It Enough.
• So, For Now, This Will Be Left Blank To Be Edited Later.
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{ Eret } / { FoolishG }
• Eret / Foolish Is Another Strange Case I Don't Really Have Any Ideas For, But I Can Say One Thing... Whoever Doesn't Get Controlled Gets A Different Situation For Both Of Them.
• If Eret Is The One To Be Controlled, Foolish Will Be Inclined To Do Everything In His Power To Free His Friend From The Grasp The Egg Has On Him. Chances Are, He Will Fail... But Even If He Does Succeed, He'll Be Putting A Target On His Back.
• If It's Foolish Who Is Controlled, Eret Might Not Be Able To Do Anything But Watch/Listen. Watch As His Old Friend Who He Doesn't Even Remember Gets Taken Advantage Of And Listen As That Same Forgotten Friend Tries To Reunite Them But In A Seriously Messed Up Way.
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{ Niki Nihachu } / { Jack Manifold }
• Niki & Jack Is Another Duo I Have To Put Together In This List, Because It's Another Situation Just Like The One Above.
• If Niki Gets Controlled, Jack Will Have To Do Everything In His Power To Get Her Back Whilw Niki Does Everything In Her Power To Drag Jack With Her. The Same Happens If Jack Is The One Controlled And Niki Is Left Normal.
• Unlike Eret & Foolish Though, I Do Have An Idea As To How They'd Be Pulled In... Their's And The Egg's Shared Hatred Of Tommy. I Don't Believe I Have To Explain More.
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{ Ranboo }
• Ranboo Is Another Case I Have No Ideas For. He Has Had Barely Any Contact To The Egg That We Really Know And Even Those Interactions Were The Egg Being Mean. It Can't Just Apologize For That And Expect Him To Suddenly Be Under It's Control. That's Not How Ranboo Works.
• So Here, Another Blank Space.
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{ Fundy }
• Fundy Is A Character Very Much Like Tommy, But Very Different All The Same. While Tommy Wants Attention, Fundy Wants Affection. Both In The Parental Way As Shown With Wilbur, Eret, & Philza As Well As The Romantic Way As Shown With Dream. He Wants A Stable Relationship, But Nobody Is Willing To Give Him It... Because He's 'Just A Fluffy Troublemaker'.
• So, In This Senario, The Egg Might Not Have To Do Anything. Rather Than Trying To Parent Fundy Itself, It Could Have The Eggpire Care For Fundy Like Nobody Else Would. And Even While Fundy Hates The Vines With A Passion, This Mentality Would Probably Crumble To The Ground In A Boulder Of Tears With The Care The Eggpire Would Show.
• The Egg Would Give Fundy The Family He Never Had, And In Return, All Fundy Had To Do Was Show His Happy Little Smile To The World.
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Welp, That's All The Ideas I Have For Now. I Hope You Enjoyed Reading This!
^v^
#dsmp#dream smp#eggpire#dream#technoblade#tommyinnit#philza#tubbo#quackity#eret#foolish#niki nihachu#jack manifold#ranboo#fundy
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Passing Notes
Day 13 of @tsshipmonth2020 Fluffuary
Ship: Intrulogical
AU: High School
Word Count: 3312
Summary: Logan takes an elective science course his senior year, and ends up sitting next to his friend’s crude, immature brother who insists on passing him notes every class period. Eventually, Logan realizes the hidden message he’d been missing.
(Like listening to podfics? You can listen to this oneshot on my YT channel here!)
“I still can’t believe you took a science class instead of a free period! You’re such an overachieving nerd!” Roman exclaimed as they stood around Logan’s locker. Patton elbowed him in the side as Logan rolled his eyes.
“He’s allowed to do whatever he wants with his schedule!” Patton defended.
“I know, but we could have all had free time together! And now we’re split!” Roman whined. Logan wasn’t fazed, all too used to his dramatics at this point.
“We already spend hours together after school for drama, I think you’ll survive an hour and a half free period without me.” Logan said, checking his written schedule once more for the room number before slamming his locker shut. “But if you truly want to see me more, I’m sure you could go get your schedule changed.”
Roman shook his head a little too quickly while making a face, and the other two snickered at him. Patton glanced at the clock hanging in the hall and frowned. “You’d better get going Lo, you’re gonna be late!”
Logan checked and nodded. “You’re right. I’ll see you two after school.” They waved as he headed off towards the science hallway, thankfully arriving with a few minutes to spare.
Every spot at the lab tables had a small slip of paper folded into a tent on it, and looking closer he saw they were name tags. Right, he’d heard that this teacher was a fan of arranged seating charts, especially at the beginning of a new semester. He found his name and was thankful that it was at the front of the room. Sitting in the back made it harder to focus, mostly because the students sitting back there didn’t usually care to be in class.
He took his seat and set down his notebook and pencil case, as well as the script for the spring musical that he still needed to read through. As other students came into the room, he flipped it open and skimmed the first few pages.
A minute later, the bell rang and the teacher walked into the room, welcoming them and introducing himself. Then, as he was passing out copies of the syllabus, the door opened and a disheveled, very familiar face waltzed in.
“Sorry I’m late!” He announced, and the teacher just sighed, shaking his head.
“Just... take your seat, please.” He told him, pointing at the only open seat... right next to Logan. The young man grinned, happily bouncing over to him and slamming his stuff down on the table. “Quietly, Remus.”
“My bad!” Remus sung, not at all apologetic. He then turned to Logan, still with that wide, slightly unhinged grin. “Hi Logan! Didn’t know you were taking this class!”
“Hello, Remus.” Logan greeted neutrally, suddenly feeling a small pang of regret at not taking that free period after all.
He wasn’t exactly strangers with Remus, but he wasn’t close to him either. Their interactions boiled down to the few times he and Patton hung out at Roman’s house and Remus was there. Roman didn’t exactly get along well with his twin, so he tended to spend time with his friends elsewhere.
As such, Logan didn’t know much about Remus. He knew he was loud and crude, disruptive in class, extremely creative with his language, and he was friends with Virgil and Ernest, two other seniors who were part of the drama department.
Logan wondered if the teacher had possibly placed them at the same table for a reason, since Logan was an “overachieving teacher’s pet”, according to Roman. Perhaps he thought he might be able to encourage Remus to focus.
Unlikely, considering the other kid had already pulled out his notebook and started doodling. Logan shrugged. If he was drawing, he would at least be quiet. He opened his own notebook, making notes of anything important the teacher said about assignment deadlines or test dates, ignoring the loud scratching of Remus’s pencil beside him.
That is, until there was a loud rip of paper and a moment later, something hit Logan’s elbow. He stared at it curiously, then up at Remus who had gone back to his doodling, a corner of his notebook paper conspicuously missing.
Logan grabbed it and put it in front of him, debating whether or not to open it or just throw it away. Either way, he would save it for the end of class. He wouldn’t let Remus distract him.
Two more folded paper pieces hit him over the course of the class period, and each time Logan took it and placed it carefully in the pile in front of him. He could feel Remus getting frustrated at him, but he didn’t let that bother him.
Once the bell finally rang and class was over, Logan stuffed the notes in his pocket to deal with at a later time. He grabbed his things and left the classroom while Remus was called aside by the teacher, heading to his locker.
Roman and Patton met him there, having already gotten their stuff from their own lockers.
“So!” Roman said, leaning against the neighboring locker smugly. “How was your class?”
“...Interesting. Were you aware that Remus was taking the same class?” Logan asked, and Roman blinked.
“Huh? No? Wait, he is? Are you sure it wasn’t someone who just looked like him?”
Logan rolled his eyes. “You two are identical twins, Roman. I’m very familiar with what you look like, and I had a very close view because the teacher put him next to me.”
“Aww shit, that sucks! I’m so sorry Lo, was he annoying?”
“Well, he was quiet, for the most part. He did keep passing me these notes, though.”
Patton tilted his head, curious. “Notes? What do they say?”
“Probably something gross.” Roman grumbled.
Logan pulled the ripped pieces out of his pocket, holding them in his palm. “I didn’t read them during class, so I’m not sure what they say.”
His friends each grabbed one, unfolding them as Logan finished packing his backpack. When he pulled it out of his locker and turned back, they both had odd looks on their faces. “What’s wrong?”
“Um, well... there’s nothing written on them!” Patton said, trying to be chipper. Roman rolled his eyes, showing Logan the paper.
On it was a pencil sketch of... something. Logan couldn’t actually tell what it was supposed to be - some kind of catlike creature, maybe? But it also had fins like a fish, and horns...
“Hmm.” Logan hummed, and Roman crumpled the piece in his hand, huffing.
“What the hell?! He’s so weird, you should just toss ‘em Lo, don’t encourage him by taking them.”
“Maybe you could just tell him to keep them? They are well drawn, he should draw them in a sketchbook so he can look back at them!” Patton suggested.
Logan shrugged, shoving his own shred of paper back into his pocket while Roman wasn’t looking. Sure, the drawings were strange, and they didn’t seem to be based in any kind of reality, but they were fascinating all the same. It was clear Remus had a talent for drawing - the shading on the horned cat/fish creature made it look almost real.
“We should be going - Mr. Sanders wanted us to be there early today.” Logan changed the topic, and thankfully his friends allowed it. The three of them walked down to the auditorium together, quickly forgetting about Remus and his strange behavior.
All of them except for Logan, who couldn’t quite push from his mind the excited, child-like glee in Remus’s eyes when he had passed that first note across the table.
~
It became a routine after a while. Logan would go to his fourth hour class, Remus would come in late and immediately start drawing in his notebook, occasionally passing the notes to Logan, who would stash them in his pocket. He didn’t throw them away - as disturbing as some of the sketches could be, Logan could tell that Remus wasn’t trying to gross him out. What he did want though, he wasn’t entirely sure.
He wasn’t sure, that is, until Logan was sitting backstage one day watching the actors run through the show and he pulled out one of the notes to examine it. It was some kind of tentacled monster, most likely inspired by their recent lectures about deep sea life. Again, Logan had to marvel at the technical skill behind it. Both of the Prince twins were incredibly talented, apparently, because Roman had his art hanging up all over his room and had been displayed in the school several times as well.
Something shifted behind him, and a voice spoke beside his head. “Is that Remus’s?”
Logan jumped, folding the note quickly and turning to look at who had snuck up on him. Ernest, the head of costume design, who had a knowing smile on his face.
“What did you say?” Logan asked, playing dumb. He was a little embarrassed to be caught staring at the note, even though logically he knew he had no reason to be. Ernest rolled his eyes, pointing at the crumpled piece of paper in his hand.
“That note. It’s from Remus, right?”
The stage manager quickly glanced out on stage, gauging where his friends were. He really didn’t want either of them to walk in on this conversation, especially since they had advised him to simply get rid of the sketches. Thankfully, neither of them would be on his side of the stage for a while. Logan sighed.
“Yes, it is. He’s been giving them to me during class. I’m not certain why, though.”
The costume designer snickered. “Maybe he wants to impress you with his incredible drawing skills.” He said sarcastically.
Logan slipped the note back into his pocket. “Well, they are incredible, in a technical sense. He has a very impressive grasp of anatomy and shading.” He tried to speak neutral about it, lest Ernest get the wrong idea.
The other hummed. “I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t show his drawings to anyone.”
At that, Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “What? But he’s been doing this for nearly a month now... and I never asked for him to show me his drawings.”
Ernest pressed his lips together tightly, but it wasn’t out of anger. There was something else behind it... “I dunno, Logan... you’re smart, I’m sure you can figure out what’s going on in his weird little head.”
“But you’re his friend, aren’t you?”
He laughed, walking away. “You think he tells me anything?”
Logan huffed, turning back to what was happening on stage. He did know - he had to know. Ernest was acting too suspicious to not know what was going on in his friend’s head. But clearly, he wasn’t going to tell him.
He tried to put it out of his head, but something was bothering him. Ernest had known the sketch was Remus’s, which told him that he must have seen Remus’s drawings at least a few times in order to recognize it. But if Remus was as secretive as he sounded with his sketches, then that would be difficult.
So maybe he wasn’t that secretive. Even so, there was something weird about what had been happening every time they were in class. He wasn’t an artist, but he knew Roman, and he knew that Roman was protective of his sketchbook, and almost never ripped anything out of it. If he did draw something for someone else, it was on a dedicated page that he tore out.
He threaded his fingers through his hair, frustrated. It didn’t make any sense, but then again, Remus had never made much sense to him.
Tomorrow he had science. He vowed that he would watch Remus a little closer, to try and figure out why he was exhibiting this extremely odd behavior.
~
Logan got to class early, pulling out a book and skimming it as he watched other students filter into the classroom. Then, for the first time since the beginning of the semester, Remus actually arrived three minutes before the bell rang.
As always, the other student shot a wide, toothy smile his way before cracking open his notebook, noticeably thinner than it had been a month ago, and sketching immediately.
Logan watched him out of the corner of his eye, just in case Remus noticed what he was doing, and what he was seeing didn’t make any sense.
For his sketch, Remus didn’t start with any kind of skeleton or outline, which Logan would have expected. Instead, he drew a distinct shape, and was working out from there. But it wasn’t a circle or square, like he would have thought..
It was a heart?
Logan eventually abandoned his facade of reading as he watched Remus draw, expanding the heart into a head shape, adding too many eyes and a wild mane that masked the starting shape.
By the time he was done and tearing out the drawing, it was fifteen minutes into class and Logan had done nothing but stare at Remus’s hand as he drew. He had to force himself to look forward as Remus folded it and tossed it his way, immediately starting another. Once again, he began with a heart, but this time it was much smaller and ended up turning into a nose.
Why was he drawing hearts? Was that just a part of his drawing process, or was there something more to it? Did it have to do with how he would tear out every drawing and give it to him?
Should Logan respond, now that he knew this? Remus had been giving him these notes for over a month now, and he’d never said a word. Would it be rude to mention it now, especially since he’d only noticed it because he was watching over his shoulder?
He couldn’t tell his friends. Roman didn’t like his brother and Patton was wary of him as well. And he didn’t know Virgil or Ernest well enough to approach them with something as big as this, although he had a feeling they were both in on whatever game Remus was playing.
While he was pondering, the bell rang and he broke out of his trance to see Remus bouncing out of the classroom, with three more folded notes sitting in front of him. Logan shook his head, blinking rapidly to wake himself up. As he was gathering his things, he heard the teacher call his name. “Hm? Y-Yes?”
The teacher’s eyes were concerned. “I noticed you didn’t open your notebook today. Do you need me to move you to a different spot?”
“Huh? No, why would you?”
“I saw you watching Remus this class. You’re a very bright student and I want to make sure you’re not being distracted.”
Logan shook his head quickly. “No, no, I’m not. I’m just not feeling very well today, I’ll be better next week, I promise.” He couldn’t get moved now - not when he was so close to figuring out this puzzle!
The teacher hummed, accepting his answer. “Alright then. Don’t hesitate to tell me if you think you’d benefit from a seat change.”
“I won’t, thank you.” Logan agreed, rushing out of the classroom and towards his locker where Roman and Patton were waiting. He made up an excuse of needing to ask a question about an assignment, shoving the notes deeper into his pockets. They didn’t question him, letting him know that Mr. Sanders had gotten sick and that rehearsal was canceled.
Never had he been so thankful that their director had a penchant for getting sick often. Logan ran up to his room as soon as he got home and pulled the notes from his pocket, throwing them onto his desk onto the sizable pile already sitting there. He took a seat and grabbed a permanent marker, then began opening them up one by one. In each one, he looked for any heart shapes. And as he went through, he found at least one in every single drawing he had been given by Remus. In one, a drawing of a two headed dragon, the creature had heart shapes spines trailing down its back.
A heart on every single one. No two drawings were the same besides that simple fact. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before - with them traced in marker, they looked so obvious.
He wanted to ask what it meant, but he knew the answer was obvious. Now the only question was what he should do now.
Logan pushed the handdrawn notes away, reaching for his own notebook and cracking it open. It was time to plan, something he did best.
~
Tuesday, he was ready. His heart was racing the entire day, he was both excited and nervous for what he was going to do. Once he did it, he knew things would change. But after hours of planning over the weekend, he was certain it would be for the best.
Finally, it was fourth hour. Again, Remus came to class on time, and again, he started drawing for Logan. It was difficult for Logan to pay attention, but he managed to take decent notes and avoid looking over at Remus. Instead, he kept his eyes on the clock in the corner.
A minute before the bell would ring, he put his plan into action. Logan turned to a fresh page at the back of his notebook and he did his best to tear out a piece discreetly so Remus wouldn’t notice. He jotted something down quickly, and just before the bell rang he nudged it over to Remus, making sure he saw it.
The other student blinked, grabbing it slowly as if it was some kind of illusion, and unfolded it carefully. Then he got an odd look on his face, and he glanced up to see Logan smiling at him as the bell rang.
“Logan?” Remus spoke, the first thing he’d actually said to him all semester since that first day.
“Meet me outside?” Logan asked, holding his things with one arm. Remus nodded vigorously, slamming his notebook closed and swiping all of his pencils into his bag in one swoop.
“Do you mean it?” Remus exclaimed as they stepped outside and stood to the side.
“I want to understand you, Remus.” Logan clarified, looking quickly at the crumpled note in the other’s hand. “You’ve been giving me these notes all semester, and it took until last Friday to understand why.”
“You took forever!” Remus complained playfully. Logan pursed his lips.
“Why didn’t you simply tell me, if you were so impatient? That would have been much faster, and you’ve never struck me as shy.” Remus huffed at the suggestion, crossing his arms.
“Roman told me he didn’t want me ‘messing with’ his friends, so I decided that as long as you talked to me first, he can’t get mad at me!”
Logan opened his mouth to argue that flawed logic, then decided against it. “I see.”
“So, do you mean it?”
“Do I mean what?”
“Don’t mess with me! You gave me a note with a heart drawn on it Logan, I obviously mean do you like me?! Do you have a crush on me like I’ve had one on you for literally years?!”
That took Logan aback for a moment. Years? Really? “I’m afraid I don’t know you well enough to say I do, Remus.”
Remus’s face fell, but Logan wasn’t done. “I believe now is the time you offer to spend some time with me so I can learn more about you.”
“Are you... asking me to ask you on a date?”
Logan raised an eyebrow, and Remus laughed.
“I knew there was a reason I liked you! Ok, well then, will you go out on a date with me Logan?”
“Why, of course. It’s about time!”
#intrulogical#remus sanders#logan sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#deceit sanders#tsshipmonth2020#saphira writes#saphira writes ts
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Survey #320
we on a spree today!
Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Give me the happiness, please.
What happened the last time you cried? I was having a PTSD episode.
What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? I think the most nervous I've ever been was in elementary school when I won the D.A.R.E. essay contest and had to read my paper in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade in the gym. There may be something else, though, there's just a LOT of instances where I've been an anxious mess.
What was the greatest television show of all time? Meerkat Manor, man. I canNOT wait for it to resume, I believe this summer.
What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Maybe petting a meerkat, particularly a descendant of a Meerkat Manor character, Flower Whiskers in specific. I would cry, and that is a promise. I am just... so thankful for those little creatures. Because of them, I've met so many irreplacable friends and developed a hobby that was a way to dump my creativity into since I was what, 10 years old?
What celebrity would you trade lives with? BITCH let me be Amy Nelson (Mark's gf) for OBVIOUS REASONS. Haha on a serious note though she is an INCREDIBLE person that I'm so glad Mark found. :'''')
What story do your friends still give you crap about? Nothing, really.
What is your weirdest dealbreaker? I'unno... define a "weird" dealbreaker. I find mine to be pretty reasonable.
What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Well, look at myself in a mirror? See how I look.
What is the weirdest quirk your family has? We have this thing where we say "I love you mostest period" at random to imply we love the other person more than they could love us, indisputably.
How old is the last person you kissed on the cheek or lips? On the cheek, it was either my niece or nephew, who are 4 and 6. The person I last kissed on the lips is 22.
Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Not anymore, no. I don't wear jeans.
Do you think you could live with your best friend? I would fuckin LOVE to.
Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? I'm most comfortable with myself around Sara.
What were you doing when you found out Michael Jackson was dead? I was swimming in the pool while Dad was grilling lunch.
The last person you kissed, was it a drunken or sober? Sober.
Have you ever introduced yourself with a name other than your own? Online, I've introduced myself with my account name, but generally, I say I'm Brittany.
Are any of your siblings married? I don't know about the half-sister I don't know, but two are married, and one is engaged.
Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Not usually, no.
When was the last time you had a lot of fun? A lot of fun? That's one damn good question. Probably not since I last hung out with Sara.
The last time you cried, who was there to comfort you? I was alone.
What was your most recent reason for smiling / laughing? I chuckled at something in a John Wolfe video.
Are you attracted to the last person you talked to? Um, that would be my mother. So no.
Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? It's pretty, but I hate having it. It's one of the most common white chick middle names ever.
Are your toenails painted? No; I don't paint my nails.
When was the last time you couldn't stop laughing? Why? Probably a funny YT video, I dunno.
Any ways in which you're very different from the person you love/like? We have some differing political views.
Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? The timing felt right and I love(d) her.
Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Yeah.
Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Besides via YouTube, my mom's.
Who do you get along with best in your family? Mom.
Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah.
Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? Oh, absolutely my mother.
Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? Oh god no, I'd die.
The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. It adds oil to your hair, and mine is naturally oily enough.
Do you prefer light or dark jeans? DARK.
Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. I have a good handful of those.
When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I just listen, usually.
Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah.
Does more than one person like you? *shrug*
You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? I fucking hate that my answer is "Jason."
If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? As far as I'm concerned, my hair will never be long again. I love it so much more short.
What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? I'd... honestly probably kill myself. I don't know that with certainty, but yeah. I'd be pretty damn devastated.
What’s the most expensive thing you own? Probably my snake.
Name something you really can’t wait for? MAY!!!!!!! GIMME MY TATTOOOOOOOO!!!!!
What do you want in your future? E.g marraige, kids… A great career, a healthy and permanent relationship, lots of pets, adventure, life satisfaction...
Got any major celeb crushes? m a r k e d w a r d f i s c h b a c h
Do you have any glow-in-the-dark items in your room? If so what? No.
Have you ever stalked anybody? Yeesh, no.
If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? I'll just hypothetically say I WANTED to be on television for this, because irl, I don't. Ummm. I guess That '70s Show, because I love the '70s, and it'd be so cool to have a big group of friends like that.
What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don't use hairspray.
What is the last thing you tripped over? Our doorstep, lmao.
Do you were glasses or contacts? If so what color are your frames/contacts? I wear black-rimmed glasses.
Do you like stickers? If so what kinds do you like? Yeah. I used to collect them as a kid and put them all over my dresser.
Do you like coloring? Yes.
What is in your backyard? Some bushes and a shed. Maybe a tree. I've been out there like, once.
Do you own a globe? No.
What is your favorite wild cat? Snow leopards are the prettiest, imo. As animals in general, I find lions the most interesting.
How many continents have you been to, and which ones? I've never left North America.
How many continents has your best friend been to, and which ones? She hasn't, either.
How many continents has your dad been to, and which ones? Same as above.
Have you ever been so terrified that you felt paralyzed? Yep.
What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The community college I first went to. Particularly where Jason and I took his senior prom pictures.
Who was the last relative you visited? Grammy, before she passed away. My uncle was with her, too.
Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Oh, certainly. I wonder all the time what would have happened if Jason didn't leave. I could still be horribly depressed, or dead, considering ultimately, the event led to me finding the help I so desperately needed. Or maybe I'd be perfectly happy with kids and know how to be an actual adult. I was only a teenager, and yet with him, I never felt more mature and just... capable.
When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? Yes.
Have you ever bought something really expensive and ended up returning it? I don't believe so.
If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Amy Lee is the brazenly obvious answer.
What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Same general category, I know, but it's almost all I listen to.
Is there anything you’d like to say to your last ex? We're best friends, and I talk to her regularly, so I can tell her anything.
Where did you buy your dishes from? No clue. We've had the same plates and bowls I think my entire life.
Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No.
Have you ever been on a ship? Boats, yeah. I think ships are just the really big ones, right? Sails and all?
Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No.
Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David Lee Roth. He's an arrogant bastard, but boy can he sing.
Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I don't know. Maybe the Joker.
Do you watch The Office? Gossip Girl? Grey’s Anatomy? None of 'em.
Name someone you know with a birthday in December: Sara!
What color was the last vehicle you were in? White.
What is your dad’s name? Kenneth, but he's just called "Ken."
When was the last time you slept in a bed with someone else? Not since I last visited Sara.
Do you have any indoor pets? Both my pets are indoors.
How do you feel about teenagers claiming to be in love? It's entirely possible. I was; nobody could EVER convince me I wasn't.
Are you dating anyone? If so, for how long? No.
Do you know anyone with Down's Syndrome? I think so?
What animal that is endangered is your favorite? Oh yikes, I don't know. I don't really know every endangered animal, y'know, and I love all animals SO much. Maybe elephants or tigers.
How do you believe the Earth and life on it was created? I feel like there was SOME sort of ultimate intelligence that created the universe, but I don't know anything about it/him/her/whatever. Then I believe in evolution. Basically, some sort of conscious creation, and then let life do its thing.
What’s your religion? I don't have one. You could say theism, but is that even a proper religion?
Do you like your teeth? No. During my worst depression, I was very bad at taking care of them, and now they have a yellowish tint.
Have you considered getting contacts that change your eyecolor? What color? Oh yes, I've wanted to have more sapphire blue eyes.
Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Yes. Living in the suburbs just isn't my jam, but it works for right now.
What’s the craziest color you’ve seen on a house? I think I've seen a pink house before?
Don’t you hate the texture of lotion on your skin? Yes.
What’s the prettiest cat you have seen? There's this brown British Longhair with beautiful green eyes that I adore on social media. Name's Smoothie.
What is your favorite doughnut? Chocolate frosted or glazed.
Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No.
What is your favorite party game? Man, I don't even know popular party games, haha.
Do you or your parents rake your yard? Neither of us do. No matter where we've lived, ever since Dad left, no one rakes.
Do you buy drugstore make-up or high-end make-up? We always buy drugstore makeup.
What’s the last good love story you read? I don't think I've read a love story since The Notebook.
Do you own a lava lamp or disco ball? No, but I wish I had a lava lamp.
When was the last time you went to the roller rink? It's been many years.
Do you own a kaleidoscope? No. I did as a kid, though.
Have you ever made an inspiration board for your room? No, but I absolutely plan to once I get a big enough board to hang on the wall, and my "office" is cleaned out. I want that room to be full of motivation.
Who is the best-looking male celebrity? Take a wild guess.
Where would you like to travel to next? Yellowstone. I want to spread Teddy's ashes there in an area with wolves to rest in his roots. Less importantly, I want to take looooooaaaaaaaddddddsssss of photographs.
Where are three places you go to relax? Just my room, really.
If you became famous, would you change your name to something exotic? No.
What color is your favorite pair of shorts? I don't wear shorts, ever.
List five items on your current wardrobe wish list. I've wanted a black, studded leather jacket since I was in high school. I also really want big, spiked leather boots, too. Then there's tons of band tees I want.
Who makes great song covers on YouTube? JONATHAN YOUNG!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
Who is one of the best songwriters? Otep Shamaya.
Painting or drawing? I strongly prefer drawing.
Painting that shows brushstrokes or painting that looks like a photograph? The latter. The former can be quite stylistic, though.
First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, but if you mean my actual body, my chest.
Brown or white egg? I don't even know the flavor difference.
Favorite time of year? October-December.
Do you own a gun? I legally can't due to a suicidal history.
Have you ever been in a castle? Excluding the Disney World castle, no.
Are you a clingy person when it comes to relationships? I honestly am.
Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean, I've had hickeys before.
Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes.
If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the cops and stay with it until they arrived.
What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? I'd rather not repeat it.
When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Literally every waking moment of my life. It's so sad, thinking about it. I'm just rushing my life away.
Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No.
If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara.
Do you enjoy hearing birds chirp? I do.
Have you ever hiked a mountain? No.
Where did you meet your first crush? School.
Who is your favorite little girl? My sweetheart niece.
What is your favorite song by the last band you listened to? Oh boy, don't make me pick.
Does your best friend have kids? No; she doesn't want any, either.
Where did you go the last time you drove for longer than an hour? The beach, I think.
If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl.
How often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? Rarely, but every now and again.
Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa.
What junk food can you never pass up? Donuts came to mind first. But I think that's because I'm craving donuts, haha.
Have you ever had a UTI? Yeah, multiple. I don't drink nearly enough water. I've had one so bad my kidneys hurt like a bitch.
What's the last color you dyed your hair? Red.
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this is from a comment section on yt. Am i the asshole
Event Hʘriךּon: when will we realize that otherkin and transgeners are basically the same...
xXComplexXx : transgenders* and, that is not even remotely true
Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXx where are the differences. Both think they are something they are not, think they are born in the wrong body, and think that feelings make reality.
xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon so what you're saying is, you don't understand the difference between species and gender?
Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx oh i do. but i also understand that the concept of gender has been made up. Like, the difference between gender and sex. there is no difference. But the real problem is not me using a similitude, but the lack of ability in certain people to differentiate between fact and fantasy. Now, im quite happy for any sex to wear and act however they want, heck, i even fall in that category. My issue is with people that believe they are one gender they are not. Its alright if you are into playing a child when you are with your partner in a roleplay scenario, another thing is being convinced you are actually 9 year old. Im not conflating all of these things btw, species, race, age, sex. Im just trying to show how you wouldnt accept it if someone took one fact about their person and warped it. Im white, you wouldnt like it if went around saying im black when im not. Now, what if i adore the jewelery they make? the dresses they wear? the songs they sing? (im thinking of a certain part of africa in this case, just for this example) Im free to buy a beautiful dress, go to sing with my choir, buy the jewelry and boost that part of the economy. That is just human culture being shared and spread. But the second i go around and say i identify as black, and even go and actively change my skin color (like a reverse michael jackson, and it already happened in some cases too), not only everyone would see that as disrespectful, but i would be actively be ignoring the fact that im as white as a sheet. And try to put any other part of me in the place of the word "black". and youll see why im concerned. We are in the era of ignoring the facts, and this is one of them.
I will end by saying, im actually a transhumanist, if you can believe it. I believe in the power of humans to become whatever they like. But just like natural evolution, you cant outgrow your anchestry. We can evolve ourselves (genetically or by body modification) in something new, but we cant stop being the sons and daughters of our anchestors. We are still monkeys, we are still mammals, we are still amniotes, we are still eukariotes. We can evolve in more branches, not jump between them. A woman can evolve a new way to be woman, that looks like a man, but she cant become a man. That wont stop her being a person either, it just a delusion, and we shouldnt be shaming delusions either. Just not encouraging them, because its a slippery slope, and we already know there is a pit at the end of it.
xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon While it is true that sex is unchangeable, the modern concept of gender as a whole exists as a means to be comfortable in your own skin. there have been many scientific studies showing that being transgender is, in fact, a real thing. And the ones that "prove" it isn't have been debunked. If someone was born as a women but wishes to be acknowledged as as a man or vice versa, would being a decent human and treat them as they ask be harming anyone? No, it wouldn't. So why should you go out of your way to make others feel worthless?
Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXxThe sense of "worthless" is not coming from me but from themselves. They would be worth exactly 1 like everyone else to me. If being treated like everyone else is an offense to them, that is a problem, their problem to be exact. If the fact that they are delusional changes how they are treated by society that is because we need to have an honest discussion about mental health in this society, not that we should accept their belief as true.. This gender thing is nonsense. Yes, it exists just like people actually think they are a wolf trapped in a human body. They are 100% convinced of this, so the fact that they believe it is real. Doesnt mean they are tho. And its not harmless. When you depart from reality its never harmless. It seeps in what you do and what you believe, and the second you allow one thing to be departed from reality, there is no stopping it, without special pleading.
Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXx Also i have nothing against a man wearing a 'woman's' dress, in fact i find it hella rad. My problem lies with what people believe. I wear mans clothes on the daily, i speak more closely to a masculine type, and i otherwise act more like a man than a woman, apart from the little things that make me me. No quantity of act will change what i am, only i can come to terms with how i was born. I will change what that looks like, but i cant parade around thinking im something else. I can make a new image of me, like a dinosaur can evolve into a bird. But a dinosaur cant become a mammal. It can converge in something similar, but it would be its own thing. That is what i wish people understood and did.
xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon I never said being treated like everyone else was offensive. If that is how it came off, I apologize. I'm saying we should be treated like everyone else and not get shit on. And just because you dress like a man doesn't make you a man. If you dress like a man and don't identify as a man, then you are not. How is this concept so hard to grasp? Gender isn't physical. Yes there are two sexes, but there more genders. Gender is your state of mind. A part of your identity.
Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx so its completely made up and useless. i mean it can be a fun concept to throw around,like me feeling a bit alien compared to everyone else. It doesnt mean that if i identify as alien, i am (apart from the literary, metaphorical sense). the problem lays with districating the Man and Woman word from egos. You are a man, a blank sheet that you can costumize. Dont stop being a sheet tho. My problem is that when they "Identify" they think anything is ok. If i identify as a crow, i am mistaken in my identification. its alright if i feel more confortable in a bird suit a beak and with people throwing bread at me. Some people have kinks, or have a lifestyle different than most, its fine. But its not alright when we stop considering reality, and whe Demand that it bends at our own will. State of mind is too merky to have any value. What if people start identifying as two year olds when they are 50? is that state of mind justifyed? is there a limit to what we can ignore just because someone thinks that the act of Identifying is reality altering? Can someone be wrong about identifying? what if i sincerely identify as the qeen of england. 'I identify as X' is a statement that can be proven false or true, like everything else in reality. It is true that they identify as X, it is not true that that identification correlates to reality: they are wrong in their identification. To be fair humans are not perfect at identification, we thought that wind had a mind of its own because we identified movement with agency.
xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon Even if all you said was true, why do you care so much? Why would you go out of your way to tell people who've made a choice ,that affects their life and not yours, that they are wrong? Why force people to be confined to the "limits" of our reality? You really think that they're going to listen to you and force themselves to be miserable living a life they can't stand? Are they hurting anyone? No. Are they hurting themselves? Most cases, no.
Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx why do i care about reality? because when people think something, they act upon it. Its not true that it doesnt affect anybody else. we share a reality, what other people do affect everyone. Otherwise we wouldnt take care of schizofrenic people, or narcisistic ones, or we would leave cults alone. You dont get to live in a pocket dimension. If someone in their mind think they are better than everyone else, that will impact how they act, who they vote, influence everything around them. If someone think they are trash, they wont fight for themselves when the time comes, they might think that life doesnt matter and not intervene to save others or themselves when they could. It matters. It matters if someone thinks that god will care for them in the next life, and their loved ones will burn in hell if they dont convince them that their god is real. It affect everybody. They might think that their god has a plan for their children, so they wont cure them if they get a disease. It matters. It matters when we let go of reality because the inside of our mind feels better. Expecially because in your mind you are alone. And we need to be less alone, not more. And inside your mind no one can criticise you, or teach you new things, or make new experiences. You can tell yourself stories and no one can say otherwise. we need to live in the real world. If they feel miserable in the real world, that is a symptom of depression, and psychologists exist for that exact purpose. And detachment and dissociation is unhealty.
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Vent time
Alright so I kind of went off about this on twitter but I’m going to do it here too because...I spent my supply of craps to give and to be honest I just need to get this out in the open because we might have people that don’t know some fun facts about ME in the UtaPri fandom
Shall we?
First off I started in the UtaPri fandom back in January of 2014 so for those of us that need to know that is right smack bang between S2 and 3. It was around this time that I had done my research (and by that I mean “Read Wikipedia”) to kind of get some ideas on the characters. Of the ones that might have stuck out it was members of QUARTET NIGHT and specifically Ai Mikaze that grabbed my interest at first. BTW yes I am bolding relevant parts of this story because I feel some of us FORGET these things to spin narratives and I’m not about that so let’s continue.
So during 2014 I watched S1 first from the DVD I bought off of Amazon and then Season 2 I watched on Crunchyroll. One thing I remember is that before I watched that (using the old school “fan mail” system that @staff needs to give us back) I had been talking with someone about one of the members of QN and that was THIS GUY
(By the end of this post I might level of Boss Man)
ANYWAYS
I had been warned (Because I said Ren at the time was my least fave for being “playboyish”) that Myu would be worse...well for some jacked up reason He turned into my favorite character in QN (or at least 1a with Ai). He still remained a favorite even after S3 and the reason...I can’t explain...it was one of those weird things that there was something about HIM that I liked but recently its been figured out that characters whom are “royals” or “meganes” (Hi @kaiser-author-san-iii) are faves of mine and Myu can fit into both categories
Now...we need to get to the point of this cos I go around the block so many times its not funny
During Season 2 we met “A Trio of Amateurs” whom are later called HEAVENS and I was like many people and wanted to see them get thrashed and they DID lose and we know their history. I had watched that season (and season 1) twice because one was for this blog and the other was more for YT when I did Anime Reviews on there (And I might get back into that soon...stay tuned) and I remember that the first time I was happy that HEAVENS lost and the second time I think I was still “kind of” happy but I wished for somewhat of a different outcome...sadly there are no different endings in this Anime!
Season 3 gets interesting because it was a season basically that was going to feature “MY BOYS” (Sorry Reiji K.) in QN so I could get a primer on them. Now at some point (I forget when so don’t ask that) either during this season or after) I had seen post that had ALL OF THE ROUTES FOR ALL OF THE CHARACTERS...I read ONE OF THEM! I wanna say it was...All-Star and Ai specifically but if you ask me to remember ANYTHING about it I don’t...memory is gone about it.
The thing is as we know this was the season that people on here THOUGHT would be the end of UtaPri (despite in Episode 2 of said season one of the STARISH boys mentioned HEAVENS) so there was that. This became a thing also when during an ask someone got someone mentioned there had been a visual for a 4th season. Now this was confirmed somehow BEFORE THIS because someone on the wikipedia page stated that Seasons 3 and 4 would be in 2015 and 2016! If you go look on my blog there is a post from 2014 I did where apparently someone mentioned this so...that was a thing!
Season 3 ends with them getting ready to announce the winner of the Triple S election between STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT when who shows up? HEAVENS AS A 7 MEMBER GROUP!
Now here is where things get interesting for me in the fandom
At this point I am not a BIG FAN of HEAVENS like I am now but I was definitely curious. In my head I knew they couldn’t just have them show up for one episode and then be done...that didn’t make sense from a story perspective because even if they are “Antags” them losing in the first episode and then leaving doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense! Maybe in SOMEONE ELSE’S weird “STARISH/QN-centered fanfic” but for the purposes of THIS STORY...nah fam!
(BTW I say that and you can argue this whole series was going to be some weird STARISH fan fic with acid trips galore so...eh!)
Now here is where the turbulence with me and the fandom really comes in
For the course of Season 4 (when we realized it was STARISH/HEAVENS) there was a part of me that wanted to play neutral but there was a BIGGER part of me that wanted to root for HEAVENS and part of that is because all my life I had been an underdog...I’m 37 years old and have had so many health issues its not funny so I root for the underdogs that might have no prayer but I root for them because I WANT them to be happy and to see them get their happy ending. Its boring rooting for the favorites you know?
So during the season I would watch the episodes through a website that livestreamed Tokyo MX and I think I only missed two episodes on there...the first one and I forget the other one but I know there was one I had to watch subbed which I HATED! The reason is because for me its better to try and learn a language through hearing it and not reading subtitles...why do you think I now own a copy of the KnB movie unsubbed!
With the way Season 4 was going to me there were two possible endings
1. STARISH wins (which they did)
2. HEAVENS wins and something ELSE happens
Lemme explain that bit
So during the season it was the “Duet Project” and it was the first one that Raging was basically in charge of which was kind of cool because you go through three seasons of Shining and he grates on you something fierce. Well during the season we learned that RAGING has a bit of a problem with putting his hands on people and that some of the members of HEAVENS aren’t exactly in the best of states mentally. Poor Shion had a breakdown during “Visible ELF” (I capped that because I called it “Visible EVIL” when I saw it on Tokyo MX...OOPS) and then of course we found out that The Otori’s father is an abusive piece of crap that needed CPS on his backside! Now that was a fun “3 weeks of hell” to relive because you see EVERYONE got mad at Eiichi for what happened to Otoya and I get it...I really do but what was angering me A LOT was that this was a very jacked up pattern where the rest of the fanbase was ignoring anything “bad” that happened to HEAVENS members just because they didn’t like them. Okay factually if we took this to another series I couldn’t stand TRIGGER at the time (things are changing slowly) so when they lost or had bad things happened...yeah I was happy as a pig in slop. The thing to remember though is that was me watching 1 season of i7 and now we have s2 coming at some point so HEY it might work out but the point is that is gonna take a little time...1 season with them vs. how long with HEAVENS? Yeah you see how this goes right?
When HEAVENS lost I was mad not so much because they lost (Okay I WAS mad that they lost but here is the reason) but because it felt like their story deserved a happy ending. We learned that ,for HEAVENS, the time in Raging Entertainment was more like a prison than a workplace so I was hoping AT THE VERY LEAST to have an ending where HEAVENS lost the Triple S but at the same time he would lose HEAVENS because Shining heard about what happened with them at his hands and would reveal that he discussed with Eiichi that HEAVENS would leave that agency after the SSS and go work for him...and I STILL think it could happen but anyways
So all of this happens and this is...3 years ago right
If you want to call me a “HEAVENS fanboy” 3 years later fine and I’ll take it but here is the thing
When you are a fan of a group now since...a little before Season 4 and you want to see them do well and the fandom as a whole be pissed off when HEAVENS don’t start getting the merch like STARISH or QN (even when you yourself are a QN fan) and that doesn’t happen with the excuse in 2019 that
“We need more time”
I’m sorry...that excuse doesn’t work with me! You got HEAVEN SKY now and the Shuffle Dramas...get to listening and stop being a biased fanboy/girl of the main two and start pushing for HEAVENS a little more! You will not make me change that statement either because here is the thing: I know people have been bullied off of here or even had to change accounts on discord because of the acidity of the fandom at times.
I will flat out tell you this too
When I saw the trailer for the movie that dropped today that was cool (even if the HEAVENS entrance reminded me of “puppets on a string” more than “Angels”) but when I saw the visual my joy became ANGER because ,when they did it, they shoved HEAVENS all the way in the back but few people in the IN fandom got mad about that on twitter...now we know why because even though on twitter the HEAVENS rep is better than on here (by a lot too which is disgusting) there is still a very vast majority that are STARISH fans and I get it...I really do! HEAVENS as a 7 person has only been around for 4 years and STARISH has been around longer but why in the holy hell don’t STARISH fans internationally start sticking up for HEAVENS fans and be also trying to understand why we love them? I thought the UtaPri FANDOM was supposed to be a FAMILY but I swear talking to people sometimes I’d rather turn to my immediate left and talk to a wall because despite me explaining it once in a YT video I don’t think people get why I am so passionate about HEAVENS getting the support of the fandom. I’m sorry for loving a group that it seems a lot of people just want to see go away but I’m NOT SORRY for running my mouth about this because let’s understand this
I NEVER wanted to have arguments in the fandom but all I wanted people to do is FUCKING LISTEN! GO LOOK AT THAT VISUAL AND TELL ME THAT HEAVENS DESERVES TO BE SHOVED IN THE BACK BECAUSE OF WHATEVER REASON YOU WANT TO GIVE!
Anyways I’m done and good night
#Amisbro#vent#uta no prince sama#HEAVENS#that MLKingdom visual though#WHY PUT HEAVENS ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK YOU DUMMIES?!
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The Yuto-Wooseok-Yanan triangle is so great ;w; And the raw talent of Jinho and Hui <3 I agree, Shinwon is such a wild card!
tbh I legit cannot pick a bias, I love them all. I could go on a mini essay for each member about how much I love them. I love them loving each other!
Thanks for your b-side breakdown! It's exactly what I wanted to hear. And don't apologize for writing something lengthy! I'm the same, and I love to read everything, so it's really nice to find a kindred spirit! Give me those essays!
"Lose Yourself"-- I love this song a lot and I'm glad someone else does too. That's funny, liking "Like This" too much! But yeah, it goes hard and makes you Feel Things, hence it being probably my fav PTG song. And I agree, Shinwon needs to write more music! "Worship U" is so good, it could have been a title track if it had been on another album. I keep forgetting to put "Dazzling" on my ipod, so I haven't listened to it very much. I should rectify this. You seem to favor the Japanese tracks, haha! Do you speak it, or is it just coincidence?
You know what's funny, I didn't really like any Triple H stuff...I'm sorry Hui and Dawn...but I'm glad that it was a gateway to PTG for you!
I really applaud you for giving Pentagon a second chance and trying a second song. So many people out there would only listen to one track and then drop the group if they hated it. I can see how past you hated "Humph!," it's got a very simple melody with a basic repeated motif.
omg, "Can You Feel It" also made me a PTG convert! At least, music-wise. The decision to stan Pentagon as people/a group came after that. Summer 2020, some friends were visiting me and they were playing a bunch of k-pop, which was something I hadn't been into for years. So I was like, "Yeah, maybe I should get back into this, can you make me a rec list?" So one friend made me a playlist and I played it at work on YT for like 3 months. Ironically, there was no Pentagon on there, but PTG was connected to a bunch of other groups on the rec list, plus RTK had just happened, so PTG kept showing up on the suggested videos list on the side. I don't know what song I listened to first, but I remember "Violet" was one of the first ones, and I wasn't into it. But once I listened to "Can You Feel It," it was all over. I must have listened to that song like 5 times in a row at work (I usually hate listening to a song on repeat) and actually started searching out their music instead of just casually picking them out from the suggested videos. But then one day I saw the performance video for "Shine," and my life changed. They looked so happy! They were actually enjoying themselves and having fun! They were shouting along with the music and laughing with each other! It was so different from all the other groups I had seen in their performance/dance practice videos. Like, Pentagon members were *real people,* not just performers. And that's when I fell in love and actually started stanning them. I immediately started watching all content I could find of them on YT and began to memorize their faces and names. And now here we are, hahaha!
(I like plenty of other groups' music, but I don't try to learn members' names or watch their non-MV content. That's the difference for me.)
So in the continued string of coincidences, I think we both became Unis around the same time XD
Maybe I'll get into the b-side question another time, I feel like I've gone on long enough already, haha
Yes we seem really similar, maybe too similar
Nah I’m kidding! It’s actually a really neat surprise
My favoring the Japanese tracks may have to do with the fact that I like the sound of J-pop music or maybe the fact that I’m half Japanese 🤠 As for my speaking it, hahahaha funny you should ask 😅 So my mother never taught me Japanese or spoke it around me because she didn’t know that I’d be able to learn it alongside English. She thought I would get confused and that it would hinder my own English. She’s trying to teach me now as a teenager but it’s a very slow process. However I will admit that I get ecstatic when I’m able to read a sentence written in the language (albeit a really short sentence with basic Kanji characters)
Oh that’s interesting, I actually love 365 Fresh and Retro Future is good as well, I haven’t heard any other song from them, though. Even so, the music can never compare to how Hui looked. OH HOW I MISS TRIPLE H HUI SO
And thank you! That’s what I usually do when it comes to listening to new groups. If I hear a song a like I need to hear other songs to see if I actually like the group’s music, or just that one song. Same with if I don’t like the first song I hear.
Yessssss Can You Feel It was the moment. I also remember not vibing with Violet the first time I heard it. Once again I’m fine with it now, but I might skip it if it comes on the playlist 😬
Can I just say that Pentagon was the first group with a lot of members I tried to stan, so learning their faces was so hard 😭 Blackpink is what got me into Kpop in 2019 and they were the only group I listened to before Pentagon. I, for the life of me, could not stop mixing up Hyunggu and Hongseok. The only way I could tell them apart was because Hongseok was tanner, so if the lighting in a video was weird it was all over for me. Then I realized that Hongseok had a longer neck, so that helped. On the other hand Shinwon, Hui, Dawn, and Wooseok I could identify right away. Shinwon has a fox like face, Hui has a very straight (almost Greek) nose, almost every time I saw Dawn he had bleach blond hair, and Wooseok has wide eyes and a bigger nose. I would actually like to know, if you remember, who you had trouble identifying and who were easy for you? I always find that different people have have trouble with different Kpop idols which is interesting.
I actually don’t really indulge myself with content from other groups. Sometimes I’ll listen to songs from other groups, for example God’s Menu by Stray Kids is staying on my playlist even though all I know about the group is that there’s a guy named Felix. Also while we’re on the topic, who else do you listen to? I consider myself stans of girl groups Blackpink, Wooah, StayC, and Twice (I just started getting into the last two), boy groups TO1 and Kingdom, and I go HARD FOR KARD!!! Pentagon happens to be my ult group, though.
Anyhow, I can’t wait to hear your answers for the b-side questions! I hope you have a good rest of your day and until next time 👾
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Celebrity Status
Celebrity Status, an ongoing L(G)B(T)+ story also on Wattpad and Quotev.
<-- Previous (Prologue) / Next -->
TW: Brief mention of r*pe
Chapter One
Jules, grinning mischievously, set the game discs down in a row on the hardwood in front of the TV stand. Rosa's heels clicked on the floor as he did and she moved in anticipation of what she was about to do. He set the last disc down gently after kissing it, then stood up to admire the line. His gaze turned to Rosa, who looked down at them, then back up at him.
"Yes, princess, you can go ahead," he said with a flourish and bow, tossing the cases on the floor.
The discs cracked under Rosa's heels as she jumped on them, stomped on them, ground them into the floor. She leaned down and picked up the pieces afterward, too, snapping them and tossing them on the bed. After she'd done that to every single one, she stomped all of the cases, tossing them on the bed as well.
She was fucking ruthless, and Jules loved it. He loved his sister, and that was exactly why he was doing this shit. He stomped the last one before her, his combat boot snapping the plastic case's edge, then kicked it over to her. She did the same, then set it in front of the TV, smiling sweetly.
"Hope you enjoy your gameless existence, you dick," she murmured, already unplugging the Playstation from the TV. "This is what you get for trying to rape me."
Jules felt his stomach fall at her words, but knew it was true. A week ago, he and his friend Sam had walked in on Rosa and Dickwad Josh at a party. Rosa had been trying to push Josh off her, and it took both Jules and Sam to get him away.
As usual, they'd both guaranteed they'd exact their revenge, and make it ten times worse than what they usually did because the guy had almost succeeded.
They showed up at his house when they were sure he was gone, and went inside to speak to his parents. They'd listened as Rosa described what happened, and Jules told them he'd witnessed it and that their son was a dick in the first place too, who would sometimes grope Rosa in front of everyone.
They'd all agreed he needed to learn a very, very severe lesson.
So, naturally, they showed them both up to his room and told them what they could destroy. They both took the opportunity to kill his games, and were now dismantling his Playstation and controllers.
Once they had everything gathered in their arms, they went downstairs and outside. Jules waved a controller affectionately at his parents, who grinned back at him. They'd hated how much Josh played games, anyway, and they were really nice people in a not so good neighborhood. There was a kid down the street who would kill for the console, so Jules and Rosa knocked on the door happily.
"Hi," Rosa said, grinning. "We're from the house down there, the Pinnows. Uh— Well, Josh, their son, he knew that your kid really wanted a Playstation and that you guys couldn't get one, so we come bearing a gift."
They both lifted the console and cords. "It's a little worn, but Josh wanted you guys to have it."
The dad took it thankfully, a little shocked as he laughed. "Holy shit. Thank you."
After a little bit of awkward conversation, they left again, grinning at the good deed they did in the middle of revenge. Jules shoved at Rosa. "You feeling better?"
"Fuck yes. He deserves all this shit. Dick." Rosa laughed, clapping her hands together. She rubbed them greedily. "What can we destroy now?"
"How about slashing his tires? Make him pay, sis," Jules said, passing her his pocket knife. He took her hand and set it in her palm, then kissed her forehead. "Careful, though. We don't need you slashing your hand open."
⧫
Mason Hill moved his head along to the music blasting into his eardrums as he fucked around on his laptop. He was in the mood for going incognito online, wanting to interact with fans without them knowing it was him. He had been hearing about this awesome Nosam forum for a while but hadn't made an account yet. He figured it was time for that to change. He cracked his knuckles in front of his chest and stuck out his tongue, grinning as he saw the first empty text box to fill beside the word Username.
"Easy," he murmured to himself, immediately typing masonfucker1000 into the box.
He frowned at the next prompt. Name? Huh. He drummed his fingers against his leg, glancing at Austin, sitting nearby him on the tour bus. "Dude, what was your middle name again?"
Mason knew his middle name. He just liked hearing Austin say it in his neat little accent.
And wanted to freak him out a little.
Austin gave him a curious look as he stopped playing his guitar, pushing his glasses up. "Elías? Why do you ask?"
Mason clicked his tongue at him, winking. "Nothing important. Nice name, handsome."
Austin opted not to respond, shaking his head and watching him suspiciously before going back to his guitar.
Mason typed Elías into the box. He figured a shit ton of people were 23 and it would be harmless to put that in, so he did that too. He put in a fanart edit of himself as the image— him wearing a flower crown, one of his favorites— and hit Create Account, smiling in satisfaction. He went to the welcome thread to make his first post.
masonfucker1000: hey!! im maybe older than most fans but I just wanted you all 2 know that even though im straight, i would let mason hill do anything he wanted to me
Austin kept glancing up at him, effectively distracted by Mason wanting his middle name for what was probably a horrible reason.
"Seriously, what are you doing?"
"Joining a Nosam forum, obviously," Mason scooted closer to him, moving the laptop close to his face with a flourish.
Austin stared at the screen, looking from the glittery website's title, to the header with their faces, and then to Mason's post. "Why are you always so disturbingly narcissistic to the point where I'm almost certain you'd actually fuck yourself if given the opportunity?"
Mason tilted his head, nodding as he spoke. "Because I would, Ozzie," he pecked his neck and then, mouth at his ear, repeated in a whisper. "Because I would."
Jules, alone in his bedroom after the revenge-destroying, was fucking around on the Nosam forum. As usual. He was one of the top members, had helped design the site as a school project, was friends with about half the people on the site, and loved them all. They were really his only friends, so it was easy to love them all.
He refreshed the page just in time to see a new comment in the welcome thread. No one had joined in a while, so it was interesting. It wasn't exactly the most popular website, so... Oh, their name was Elias... That was Austin's middle name. Maybe he'd finally have another Austin stan.
And of course, they loved Mason. God damn it, everyone did. He sighed but hit reply anyway. A new friend was a new friend.
familyjules: hey elias! welcome to the nosam fanbase!!! also: ew but go off i guess ;)
Mason gasped loudly, falling back against the small sofa. "Ew? Ew?"
He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration as he immediately replied.
masonfucker1000: jules! hi! thanks! also! what the hell! how can you resist the unique and godly allure that only mason joshua hill possesses?
Jules snorted, rolling his eyes. He leaned on his wall as he typed, laughing a little to himself.
familyjules: i'm too entranced by the unique and godly allure that only austin possesses, ....masonfucker1000. i just realized this point is totally moot but i'm still gonna fight it to my dying breath: austin elías salinas vicente is better than mason hill in so many ways but i respect your opinion my dear masonfucker
Mason sighed loudly and took off his snapback, throwing it at Austin, who yelped in surprise.
"What the hell?"
Mason glared at him. "That's for having a godly allure, Salinas."
Austin sputtered, confused.
masonfucker1000: you say you respect my opinion, familyjules? really? u might as well have spat in my face. austin. better than mason. my god. i will try to coexist peacefully with radical beliefs such as urs.
also: is ur profile pic u?
Jules laughed at the dramatics. He hadn't had this much fun meeting someone in a while. They were actually taking his jokes as jokes.
familyjules: thank you for your precious coexistence, fellow radical believer. and yeah dat me
Mason didn't know why the Nosam fanbase just happened to be super attractive, but he always appreciated nonetheless.
masonfucker1000: my dude, fellow believer, may i just say that ur face is v nice to look at. one might even say it radiates a certain godly allure
Jules blushed a little. People had called him attractive before, but not like that. Damn.
familyjules: thank you!! i guess ur pfp is kinda okay to look at... ;)
Mason huffed, pouting. That was just not at all fair. He couldn't even defend his own good looks.
masonfucker1000: ha. ha. so how long have u been into nosam? sorry, i meant: how long have u been brainwashed into thinking nosam was called nitsua?
Jules laughed at that one. It was good. Elias was funny.
familyjules: i actually laughed at that one! nitsua just sounds like a ninja name or something. and i've been into them since their first ep came out! found them on youtube and felllllllll. how about you?
Mason grinned. Hardcore fan. Hell, yeah. Call him a narcissist. Nosam was awesome and superbly talented, and Mason appreciated when other people knew it.
masonfucker1000: me too! nosam sorta changed my life. listen to them way more than a sane person should.
Someone else on the thread pointed out that that page was for welcoming and not conversation. Mason stuck out his tongue at his laptop screen.
masonfucker1000: whoops. heading to gen, familyjules?
Jules sighed a little at the comment, rolling his eyes. He'd made the website. It was his rule. And he'd broken it.
familyjules: whoops. yeah. i'll tag u in a thread
familyjules: @masonfucker1000 here we are. what yt video did you see first?
masonfucker1000: teenage dirtbag cover! iconic as hell. have u ever seen them live? its the most fun i've ever had.
familyjules: hell yes! i love that one! and no ): but i've got tickets to a show this tour and im hype. gonna scream my ass off
Mason's eyes widened. Oh, yes. Mason befriending a fan and that fan attending a Nosam concert? That would be beautiful.
masonfucker1000: really?? where? what day? on the off chance im going to the same 1
familyjules: Traverse City, MI. gonna glitter my face off too i'm gonna look great
masonfucker1000: oh nah not going there! glitter! nosam hype! fuck yeah, i believe u, u already look great as is. michigan, huh? the hell do u do for fun there?
familyjules: hockey, mostly. play bass too. try to run away from my family while blasting pop punk since no one gets me. freeze to death in snow
masonfucker1000: hockey?? ur tiny! i think! bass is rad, how long have you been playing? pop punk is the shit, i get u, bro
Jules smiled a bit. At least he didn't say he was a girl.
familyjules: bet i can whoop your ass even if i am tiny! and ive been playing for 5 years now. lots of nosam covers in the media thread if u wanna check it out! we gots a talented group here
masonfucker1000: i bet u can i can barely hold a stick.
a future seluj! charmed to meet u pre-fame. will def check out.
Mason headed to the media thread and clicked on one of the audio files Jules had uploaded. His eyes widened, and he turned up the volume.
Andrew, who had sat down in the far corner like the fucking loner he was, looked up at Mason as basslines filled the small space. "Hey, who's that? Not Chris, is it?"
Mason shook his head, mumbling, "Fan cover."
Andrew snorted, "Shit. That's good. You should show that to Chris when he gets back."
Mason played a few more covers, very impressed and a little doubtful.
masonfucker1000: c'mon. c'mon, jules. no way that's u.
familyjules: oh hell yeah that's me. ask anyone on here i love playing so much. covered a few starlight songs too but i'm not as good at those yet. are u into them too?
masonfucker1000: sure, sure. u stripped from chris, admit it, jules.
fuck yeah! love those badass ladiesss!
familyjules: whoa, dude, i'd never. if anything i'd strip for austin. if stella wouldn't kill me
masonfucker1000: pipe dream, jules. stella would 100% kill you. and then strip for austin herself.
Jules sighed wistfully at that image. They were both ridiculously hot, and Stella stripping was just a mental image to frame and make lifesize on the mantel above the fireplace.
familyjules: can't even join them? damn. my dreams are gone. can i share mason w/you then, masonfucker? he's the only single one of all of them... wait. does your username mean you're his hand then? shouldn't you have his hand as your pfp?
Mason's jaw dropped. "Holy fuck. I've never felt so roasted in my entire fucking life. Holy shit. Fucking— familyjules," he breathed a laugh, already typing out a response eagerly. Andrew rose an eyebrow at him, an action that Mason didn't even notice.
masonfucker1000: shit! how could u do him like that? he gets plenty of attention other than his hand! lots of it! mason hill gets around! its basic info!
familyjules: ha! uses the other hand sometimes? ;)
Mason lifted his arms behind his head. "This fucker!" he laughed again, rubbing his hands down his face. This Jules girl was ridiculous. If only she knew who she was talking to but... no, not a good idea. He stared at the screen, frowning as he realized he really wanted to keep talking to her, forgetting to respond and tapping his fingers against the laptop. He flipped Andrew off when he kept staring at him, taking the laptop and laying in his bunk instead. He could easily just not respond, like, ever. It wouldn't matter at all. Jules was just some random fan he'd stumbled onto online, who had no idea who Mason was, with whom Mason had only had half a conversation with. Hell, he usually didn't even have more than a conversation with people anyway, always having so many he wanted to talk to. But it wasn't ever like this. And it was stupid, really, how drawn he felt from just a couple hundred words on a screen, from a stranger. It wasn't even a good font.
Mason pursed his lips, sighing quietly as he stared at the forum page, at the slight curve of Jules' mouth in her profile picture. He abruptly switched tabs, checking his Twitter and replying to some fans. He Googled other fansites, ones he already had accounts on, and sifted through the threads, trying to find something else to do.
It was a bit before Elias responded again. Jules fucked around with other things on the site while he waited, scrolled through Tumblr, and then went back. He private messaged Elias, frowning a little.
familyjules: hey dude. just so you know i fuck with all the mason superfans like that. it's way too easy to roast mason
Mason was startled when he heard a ping as he had finally distracted himself from familyjules. He hesitated barely a second before switching back, smiling as he read the message.
masonfucker1000: yeah its cool! got distracted. ur wrong tho. completely wrong. masons a regular manwhore
familyjules: cool all good. just wanted to make sure you weren't actually mad! and trust me i know far too many girls on here have talked about seeing his dick
masonfucker1000: mad? over that? dont worry, bro, not at all
gh! and they all say his dick is huge. which is false. have u seen him in skinny jeans? he's got an average dick, ladies. an average dick with an above average heart
familyjules: damn dude. at least you're honest unlike them. also sometimes it looks big so i wonder who's right👀
masonfucker1000: average dick.
fuck im starving. what do i have to do to get some pizza up in hereeeee
familyjules: be mason hill?
familyjules: kidding! i'll send you some
masonfucker1000: you be careful or ill end up taking your word for it!! i swear my stomach is going to start eating itself
They ended up talking for a bit longer, but then Jules had to sleep, which made Mason pouty. It was rare for him to enjoy talking to someone this much, but Jules had a late shift the next day and classes all day, so he said goodbye and logged off, promising to be back same time the next day.
♦️
It kept like that for a week. Jules talked to Elias whenever he could, along with his other friends. He felt drawn to Elias for some reason, compelled to let the mysterious user eat up all his time.
familyjules: so. mr. masonfucker. you've only got two things on your profile and it's been a week. not even a small introduction to tell us about yourself other than you'd let mason have his way with you? i'm curious ;)
During the week, Mason had become gradually more excited every time he had the chance to be online when Jules was, which had thankfully been coinciding with after Nosam sets. He bit his lip as he read the newest message from her.
masonfucker1000: oh, youre curious? maybe i like the suspense ;) what about u, miss familyjules? im very curious about u. ur short bio is frankly not enough
Jules winced at the response. So Elias did think he was a girl. He could set him straight... but he knew nothing about this person except that he was cis and straight. He seemed cool, but Jules really didn't want to deal with a huge messy fight on the site right now.
familyjules: hey, you know i live in michigan. and what i look like. and that i play bass and play hockey. i don't even know what you do for fun, aside from stan mason. c'mon, dude
Mason groaned. God, he could just disappear right now, not talk to her ever again. But he'd be fucking bummed. Was he just lonely? I mean, tours got like that sometimes. Maybe he just needed stress relief, although that was off the table at the moment. Shit. This wasn't a... thing. Was it?
masonfucker1000: alright, alright! well, i do not live in michigan. i look like a burnt chicken nugget but i still love myself! i like singing and i've seen Real Steel abt a thousand times. how about that?
familyjules: real steel is awesome! and singing! maybe you should be in seluj with me one day. we'd take over the world, displace nosam
masonfucker1000: hell yeah! I'll let hugh jackman have at all this too 🥒🍆
displace nosam? ur blocked
masonfucker1000: kidding! totally up for it, let's go. altho it should be called saile, then
familyjules: hey, you're the one who named it seluj in the first place! maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves tho. havent even heard u sing. for all i know you could suck
masonfucker1000: thats where you're wrong, jules! that's where you're wrong! hold on
Mason paced the tour bus, considering his options. He had to show her he could sing. If he sang a song nobody had ever heard him do, maybe it would be alright?
masonfucker1000: uploaded suckonthisjules.mp3
masonfucker1000: go the distance! Hercules is my favorite disney movie. see? proof of my awesome talent and a fact abt me
Jules blinked in shock at the file, clicking play and leaning back. He listened, transfixed, picking at his lip.
familyjules: holy shit elias you sound a lot like mason. did you train your voice or what? there were a few places where you were off key but god damn. also hercules is so underrated
"Oh, fuck," Mason said as he read the response. "Wait— off key?" he glared at his laptop.
Andrew snorted. "A few minutes ago? Yeah."
Mason turned his glare towards Andrew. "I was not off key."
Andrew just laughed and shook his head, stuffing his face with chicken.
Mason frowned. It's not his fault his voice was a little strained after the show. No way he was gonna admit it, though.
He deleted the file he sent.
masonfucker1000: ah yeah, a bit.
and go to hell. off key, my ass! i told you I can sing. hercules is def underrated! yo where do u go all day?
Jules frowned when the messages shifted. He scrolled back up to find the file gone. "Oh, come on," he muttered. How paranoid could this guy be? It was a fansite. Who cared?
familyjules: def off key a bit. you deleted the file because of it, i see you, devil 👀
familyjules: oh also i'm a working college student! class by day, waiting tables by night
masonfucker1000: i did not!
oh shit, nice! well, horrible, but nice. i bet you get good tips ;) what are u studying?
familyjules: you'd be surprised how bad the tips are. studying music and psych, but the psych is a minor
masonfucker1000: jules ill go over there and tip you, you'll be set for life. so ur serious abt music huh? what do u wanna do?
familyjules: so youre rich. another thing i know now. and hell yeah i am! i want to work w/ a recording company if i can, fill in bass. more freelance than i'd like but it's something
masonfucker1000: 🤑
masonfucker1000: woah woah wait. ur settling! what would you like?
familyjules: settling? i don't call getting to play bass for a living settling
familyjules: what i really want tho is to play in a band but that's unlikely
masonfucker1000: uh huh
masonfucker1000: i knew it! c'mon, unlikely? you're as good as chris if you're not lying abt not stripping his bass 👀 maybe even better
familyjules: WHOA dude dont disrespect christo like that he's a huge role model!! i wish i could be as good as him
Mason smiled, getting up to bother Chris. "Yo, hey, dude?"
Chris looked up from his laptop, rubbing his forehead. "Huh?"
"You know that girl I've been talking to that plays bass. She says you're her role model and got offended when I said she probably plays better than you."
Chris smiled warmly. "That's sweet."
"No, but, listen," Mason showed him an audio clip of Jules covering bass for one of their songs. Chris furrowed his eyebrows as he listened, running his fingers through his hair as his jaw went slack. "Shit. What? Geez— don't even tell the guys, they'll replace me."
Mason laughed loudly, ruffling Chris's hair.
masonfucker1000: no disrespect to christo, i think you're incredibly good. u could definitely be better than him! u should try the band thing, bro, if thats what u really want
familyjules: maybe. i have some stage fright too but been working on that. what do you do all day, mr. masonfucker?
Aw, fuck. This was going to get frustrating for the both of them real quick. Mason didn't want to lie, but he couldn't tell her what he actually did all day. He could maybe explain that he was going to have to keep some (a lot of) personal information to himself? That would sound weird. Mason stared at the message, unsure what to do. He could be a bit of a dick and reply with a joke. Or something really vague. He'd only known Jules for a little over a week but he had a feeling he might not get away with that.
masonfucker1000: how've you been working on it?
masonfucker1000: and i think the more appropriate question is who don't i do all day
Oh, God, that was bad. He regretted sending that one. Mason found himself not wanting her to actually think he slept around all day. Or at all. Fucking hell.
Jules frowned at the reply. This was... interesting, he guessed. Or something like it.
familyjules: so you're a prostitute? that's how you have so much money?
Mason couldn't help but laugh at the response.
masonfucker1000: what! no no
Mason grumbled to himself, rubbing his hands down in face.
masonfucker1000: that was a stupid thing for me to say, sorry
masonfucker1000: i have a job that requires a lot of travel
familyjules: okay that makes more sense. a traveling prostitute. sounds fun! what places have u seen?
Mason rolled his eyes, smiling.
masonfucker1000: oh, aaaall oooover the world. in the US rn, tho! i could put on a show for u ;)
familyjules: maybe i'll take you up on that offer ;)
familyjules: hey im about to upload a new cover btw! it just finished uploading
masonfucker1000: oh, another masterful christo strip!
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1/4 I realize this might be a wrong topic for this blog, but I enjoy your mature take on these things, so I thought I’d give it a go. I, once again, just have to wonder out loud how there are still so many snk fans who believe Eren and Mikasa romance? I realize that the ending of s2 left us on a high note for the romance, but literally everything else in the manga speaks against it more or less. In fact, if you really think about it, Isayama pretty much ended it in ch 50, but I guess he didn’t
2/4 say it clear enough. I don’t say this to rile people up, I don’t say this out of spite or something like that. Like, honestly, there just really isn’t anything else that would back Ere//mika up in the manga. Maybe in shonen, but not by Isayama’s standards. People should, by now, now Isayama’s way of storytelling, and still they are seriously speculating about Ere//mika becoming canon at some point, while ignoring the obvious, more relevant stuff around them. I’m not a shipper, or read snk
¾ for romance, but what I do appreciate is well thought, wrote and explored relationships between characters, and if these kinds of relationships end up become romantic ones, then I’m all for it. I see people hoping Mikasa get a character development before the manga ends, and honestly, one of the greatest things Isayama could grant her, is to make her give up on Eren in a sense she can free herself and start living as her own person again. Maybe it’s my age and I’m getting old for cheesy,
4/4 cliche shonen stuff, but snk has maintained its unique and mature touch despite being serialized in a shonen magazine. As for Eren and Armin, since I feel I need to touch this as well, and it’s the theme of this blog. I certainly appreciate for what Isayama has done with them in a story being published in this kind of magazine. I’m storyteller myself, and could probably continue about this topic for ages, but I guess I end it here. Have a nice day.
Hello, anon! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! I’m honored that you’d want my input!
(Disclaimer: this got really long, so I’m putting up a “keep reading” - please proceed with the knowledge that I’m not an ere//mika shipper, and that our opinions may differ. I’m not interested in trying to be converted, but once my inbox re-opens, feel free to discuss the topic with me in a mature fashion, if you want my further input on this topic):
Yes, I realize it’s always a risk of riling people up when someone who doesn’t ship the pair in question, takes on an ask about said ship - but I’ll do my best to give my own personal opinion in a mature and coherent fashion. Just like you, I don’t talk about it to bug people, but obviously I have my own thoughts on the subject - and in my case, I lean towards the same conclusion as you: that ere//mika was not written not be a romance. I’m still on the fence about how much or how little Isayama actually intended for Mikasa to read as in love with Eren, as opposed to motherly protective/childlike dependent on - but I also think it doesn’t matter either way; I don’t believe Eren was meant to reciprocate romantic feelings towards her, even if she was designed to be smitten with him.
No, I think that Mikasa’s strong feelings for Eren were supposed to be a sign of her being a lost and misguided title girl (and I say this not in a spiteful way, but in the endearing “protect her” kind of way); we know that the Ackerbond and the Ackerawakening are two different things, but for Mikasa, Eren was the one whom she both got her awakening from, and whom she imprinted on. This all in the midst of Mikasa violently losing her parents as a very young child, then instantly being taken in by Eren. It makes sense that a girl who’s overwhelmed with all of these intense shifts at the same time, would start to cling to the safe center of all of this; Eren. He saved her, woke her up, wrapped her in a scarf that would come to be a symbol of this spiritual rescue and more, invited her “home”, and she of course imprinted on him. … Listen, I’d like to add a personal story time digression here: I used to be bullied at school, and none of the boys ever talked to me unless it was to taunt me. Then one day, when I was 12, we got assigned new seats in the classroom, and I ended up next to a boy who actually started talking to me. I was so grateful that he’d have a conversation with me, that I quickly became smitten with him. I thought I was in love with him, but in reality, I was just in love with how good I felt whenever he’d make me feel like an accepted, normal human being. I kept nurturing this idea of love and it grew for months, until one evening when I joined a game of spin the bottle, and I was asked to reveal my crush. I said it, even with him right there, and despite his vague shrug and smile, I felt an intense relief at getting it off my chest. And just like that, the idea of romance left me. I realized that I loved the person he made me feel like I was. And once I realized that, I was able to hold on to that idea, even when he wasn’t there to produce it. … In many ways, I see myself in Mikasa regarding this. I feel like Mikasa’s attachment to Eren can be read very alike my own attachment to this boy. I think Mikasa spent a lot of years nursing her dependency on Eren because even if she didn’t know anything else for certain, she knew one thing: she loved the feeling of safety and belonging that Eren provided, when nobody and nothing else seemed stable in life. I’m also strongly inclined to believe that she, a young teen full of emotions, could have started to mistake her feelings for a standard crush - but if so, I don’t believe the right way to resolve it, would be to indulge her. Of course, you speak of standard shonen love, and I see how ere//mika could become that, if this was meant to be an unproblematic shone story (their grey-are sibling-y bond is nowhere near “out of bounds” if you compare them to a lot of the onii-chan culture you can find in Japan).
However, SNK isn’t meant to be a regular shonen story; Isayama seems to take not only pride, but also pleasure in avoiding tropes and turn things on its head - of course only to a certain degree, given he’s published through BSM and have a wide YT audience. I am, regardless, very confident that if there’s one department Isayama doesn’t leave unpolished, it’s characters, their dynamics, and their inner workings; I think 3D characters is one of the strongest aspects of his story, and that’s why I’m much more inclined to believe that Eren and Mikasa’s bond is meant to be complex and full of friction. And frankly, I’d say that’s to be preferred; if they became a regular romance, that’s something we’ve all seen many times before, but so far, what I’m seeing, is something significantly more complex - and personally, I feel like it’s deeper this way, too. Look, the incest discourse has been pulled out many times, so I’ll try to make this brief, but I feel like it’s important point to touch upon: we can argue until we’re blue in the face in either direction. It was never stated that the Yeagers ever officially adopted Mikasa, as opposed to just took her in for charity. And either way, there’s a relevant question posed of “does it matter, when she only lived with them for a year?” You can see Mikasa being referred to as “adopted sister” and “motherly” in many Q&As, but then the very same, or other authoritarian sources can do a 180 and produce content that almost explicitly shows Mikasa in love with that very same “adopted brother”. So what are we supposed to believe? I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you my personal take on it: The reason incest is illegal, has to do with biology. If you inbreed, there’s a much bigger risk of genes “malfunctioning” in offsprings. The reason it’s seen as disgusting, is - beyond the biological - that the regular person wouldn’t want to “do it” with a family member, and thus shudders by the thought of someone else finding a situation that they see as uncomfortable, pleasurable. This is why some people can argue that it’s not incest (and/or unnatural) if two adoptive siblings have sex; it doesn’t compromise the offspring, which was the reason the act would be illegal. Now, the people still claiming it’s incest, say it’s so because they realize that there’s more to the act than the physical; you’re not supposed to feel sexually attracted to someone you view as your own flesh and blood - and so, if you truly view an adopted siblings as your sibling, you shouldn’t fancy them. In a sense, both sides of “it’s incest/it’s not incest” are right on paper. But I’d advice against downplaying what role being adopted into a family actually plays; an adopted child is taken into a family with the intention of being a spiritual part of the family just as much as any other biological child - and that’s why, unless otherwise stated, an adopted sibling should be viewed as 100% another member of the family (and thus not an romantic option). But this is generally speaking. Bringing it back to ere//mika, my stance is this: it’s not biologically compromising, so it all comes down to how Eren and Mikasa view each other. The vibe I got from them, personally, was that they were to be seen as family (hence, perhaps, why I did not see the romantic inkling until I heard about it through tumblr and went back to re-read). If they are both comfortable seeing each other as a romantic partner, then I won’t get in their way, but I’m not sure this is the case - and mind you, both of them have to agree on this; if Mikasa waves, it doesn’t matter so long as Eren sees her as family.And welp, I said I’d try to make this brief, but true to my character, I failed horribly at that. No matter; my point is: whether ere//mika is incest or not, is grey-area because their situation is so unique. And I think it may be intentional: this arguing back and forth could very likely be exactly the uncertainty Mikasa is wrestling with in her own approach to her feelings on Eren. Are they siblings, or are they not? Are they family in the traditional sense, or are they family in the expanded sense that all three of them (EMA) belong together? If she feels butterflies towards him that seem different than regular familial love, is it love? Is it ok to be love? Etc., etc.,… On top of this, she seems, as I talked about, to be very deponent on him - which is, mind you, completely understandable. But it makes for a complex conceptions of feelings that are neither here nor there. And that’s why I think resolving it like a regular shonen romance, would be a cop-out on Isayama’s part. Something I don’t expect him to opt for, given what a driven story teller he’s been so far.
Isayama has spoken of how Mikasa letting go of Eren, would be a return to innocence. And I think I understand that, if what I’m saying is anywhere near what Isayama was thinking when he made these two. Because Mikasa isn’t perfect; she may be strong - she’s and Ackerman after all - but she suffered a lot of trauma, and she’s still a young child in literal war. It would only make sense that she’d be less than master of her inner workings. And this constant nursing of the one beacon she has, wouldn’t be healthy for anyone. That’s why I see her moment in chapter 50 as a level-up in her chemistry with Eren. She managed to put into words some of those feelings that must have been running on repeat in her heart ever since that fateful day with her parents… and she got a response that finally differed from Eren’s usual disgruntled retorts. Because just like Armin obviously didn’t hear from Eren what he thought of him, Mikasa didn’t hear that Eren did care about her despite all the bickering. I’ve spoken about this before, but Eren’s very certain in his feelings, and he doesn’t question them - but he also doesn’t express them because they appear as facts to him, so he doesn’t think to wonder if he needs to confirm them to others (well, he’s gotten better, too, but that’s besides the point). So all this time, Mikasa has been fighting tooth and nail to stay be Eren’s side because he’s given no indication that he’d stick around by choice. Of course, that’s exaggerating it, because obviously EMA love each other and they know it - but to what degree do they know it more than the doubt in their head disputes it? Well, Mikasa finally got her answer in 50, and that alone, helped her grow considerably. I think her feelings became more healthy after that. The way she steps down a little after 50, tells me that she didn’t need romance, she needed love. If the opposite had been the case, Eren’s response would not be a resolve, but rather the trigger event making the beginning of advances and Mikasa’s wish to further expand on what they both meant back there. However, Mikasa leans back and seems more assured of her spot (until Eren pulls back and starts talking more with Historia; I think both Mikasa and Armin are visibly affected by this). I realize it still remains for me to answer why I think people ship ere//mika, though. The simple answer is that romance is often the most appealing relationship, simpler or not. Is a complex and difficult relation more interesting? Maybe? But is it much more appealing to go with the ideal, fluffy, happy solution? For many, definitely! I think ere//mika is a very deep bond, as you can see, but also in the sense that it’s possible to interpret in so many different ways. People love love, and if they love Eren and/or Mikasa and want him/her to be happy, of course a happy romance is much more appealing - especially when it’s backed by so many intense canon moments! I won’t go through the manga to look it up myself, but you’ll definitely find a lot of ere//mika meta here on tumblr that will explain exactly who and how their bond can be read as romantic. Just yesterday, I answered an ask on why people would ship Armin with Annie, so honestly, there doesn’t even need to be a lot of canon to support a ship, for it to be appealing. But for those who think ere//mika will be canon, I thin my guess would be that fiction trains us to expect romance - and most often involving the main character. What more, we expect a straight couple, because that’s what’s most common - and just with those formulas alone, Eren with Mikasa seems like the obvious front runner. That being said, my take is the above rambles.
All in all, anon, I can definitely understand the popularity of ere//mika, but I don’t think it’s designed to be a regular romance. And although I prefer it as the sibling bond I see it as, if ere//mika is what would genuinely make Eren and MIkasa happy, I’d want that for them. I guess that’s why others ship it too.
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The Choices You Make (Ch. 3)
Hey all, so this is Chapter 3, and we start the action :). Deadlines are picking up irl, so updates might be slower, but I’ll try to get them out as quickly as I can.
As always, you can comment your choices on AO3 or to directly on this site. Hope you enjoy :)
(Chapter under the cut)
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Frost hopped off the vehicle and took a breath of musty air. Just the same as she remembered.
“Control? This is Tina “Frost” Lin Tsang. Team Charlie has arrived and are setting up. It’s currently 08:33:05, and the skies are clear, but I see some clouds coming that may suggest rain early afternoon. Am I missing something?”
“Copy that. And Ciel has his reasons for asking for that info, you know?”
“Oh, I know. I just disagree with his controlling tendencies. He used to be much worse.”
“Ok, well, there are multiple entrances here, I’d recommend you block off the direct entrance to Slater and Laurier. The path closest to Confed. Park is long, so you can set some traps and cams.”
“Sauer is on her way. There’s a motion sensor and bulletproof cam being set up down that path. I’ll drop off a few mats there too in case.”
“Sounds good. I need to check in with Alpha and Bravo. Let me know when your set up is done so I can look in.”
“10-4”
First thing to do was to put on Rook’s plates. Then, to reinforce the garage doors so they couldn’t get flanked from inside the building.
“I totally could.” Jameson was talking up a storm with Clash. “Here, I have a few different coins. You randomly toss one, and I’ll tell you which one you threw.”
Clash shook her head, though Rook was more than happy to take the pile of coins and sort them out.
“Working hard?” Frost asked the three.
While Clash and Jameson knew she was just giving them a hard time, Rook froze before handing the coins back and preparing himself with a few grenades and moving his bags to their designated storage area, an abandoned convenience store that still had its shelves in place though the products were long gone. Rook was still a little unsure about being in there by himself, but that just made the situation better. Frost smirked and saw Sauer walking back towards them out of the corner of her eye.
“Cameras and motion detectors are in place.”
“Jameson SHOULD be nearly done setting up the signal detectors.” Frost turned to glare at the man who just smiled back in return. “Once those are up, I’ll get in touch with Control. For now, can you do a last check of the area?”
“What, you want a coffee?”
“That’d be great, thanks for offering!” Frost cheerfully responded. “I’ll pay you back. I always do.”
“Still playing rookie tricks with me I see.”
“Thanks, Sauer.”
“Frost!” Jameson was back from wherever he was off to earlier. “Signal detectors are up, and control has tapped into the feed now. They can basically listen to any conversation in the area, but—”
“Great, I’ll let them know.”
“But—”
Frost frowned at his persistence and motioned for a moment of silence.
“Control?”
“Copy. I see we have access to… hm?” There was another voice in the back. “Near them?”
“Frost, I swear I heard something near us!” Jameson finally exploded.
Control confirmed it. “We’ve got an unidentifiable sound coming in from Slater.”
“What?” Frost’s brain was racing to come up with a response.
“It’s… best we can say is that it’s a scraping noise.”
“A body dragging itself somewhere,” Jameson pitched in. “In your welcome mat…”
Huh. He was always known for his acute hearing abilities. It was why his favourite trick was to have someone throw different coins on the ground, and tell them which, and exactly how many of each coin got tossed. But to identify that as… as a body dragging itself?
“Control, get in contact with Sauer. She should be near Slater. Have her flank that alley from the main street. Jameson and I will approach from our side.”
“Copy.”
They both got out their suppressed pistols and carefully walked towards where Jameson claimed to have heard the sound. Once they got closer, Frost could hear the skrting noise that occurred in short bursts.
“Denim on concrete?” Jameson offered. “Only one person though.”
A slight groan and hissing came next, and Frost gave the signal to come out from behind their cover. Sauer, listening in, flanked like asked and they walked up to the single body now lying frozen on the ground.
“State your name and purpose!” Frost barked. “You’re surrounded. Any sudden movements, and we shoot.”
There was pure steel in her veins as the man on the ground managed to get himself on his elbows and look up at them.
“My name is Ryan Crowden. I’m an undercover cop. My leg… it got caught on this bear trap… I need help, please…”
Frost motioned for Sauer to cuff him and for Jameson to quickly put something together to move the man to their hold.
“Control, did Ciel say anything about the cop?”
“Yes. He said there was an undercover cop from one of the gangs, but… that information wasn’t given to him. I can pressure them to give up the name now, but… that’ll take some time.”
“Copy, get on that,” she said. Sauer and Jameson were already hoisting him up and walking back to their hold. Frost followed them back and watched with approval as Clash tied up the intruder before freeing their leg.
“Shit, that hurt,” the man was whining. “You can’t do this to me! I’m one of—”
“Riddle me this,” Frost snarled, getting everyone’s attention. She quickly signaled for Sauer and Jameson to seal off two of the major entryways. Control could easily have eyes and ears on the third. “How does a man escape a terrorist organization, crawl through the streets of a city during rush hour unnoticed, and somehow learn about a secret op in a back alley?”
“I-I…” They were trembling so hard that Frost couldn’t make out the next words.
Frost drew her handgun again and pushed the barrel against his forehead. “I asked for an answer.”
“I was on my way out of the gang. My extract just started when I got jumped.”
“Impossible,” Frost cut-in. “I would’ve heard about it had it happened anywhere near Ottawa.”
“Well…” he paused. “Look, you can’t say this to anyone else but…”
“But?” Rook adjusted his equipment, showing off the SMG against his chest.
Ryan took a look at the angry op and swallowed hard. “The extract was unofficial… off the books… I… I was at a friend’s house. They left the gang the moment they started talks with the White Masks, and offered me a safehouse.”
“Where’s the safehouse?”
“It’s on Gladstone. Near Centretown West—”
“If you were really that far, what made you think you should come here?” Frost interjected straight away. She pushed a little harder with her gun. “Where were you?”
“I was on my way there! I had a backpack and was at a bus stop when these guys pulled up and recognized me. Then they saw the bag and kinda… figured out my plan. I swear I’m not one of them.”
“What was in the bag?” Clash asked.
“Just fifty bucks and change of clothes. It was supposed to be temporary while I waited on my unit to clean stuff up.” Frost nodded at Clash to look through the bag.
“And why didn’t they kill you?”
“Because they didn’t realize I was a cop. They just thought I was deserting. That was it.”
“Convenient, huh?” Rook looked at Frost, who was still thinking hard about the story.
“Bag’s clear. Just what he said,” Clash murmured, taking out a nice pair of pants and a shirt Frost only wished she could buy. Leave it to criminals to get more money than actual law enforcement.
“What are they planning then?”
He looked around nervously, causing her to motion for Rook to take higher ground and scan for threats. “If my old crew goes back to the terrorists and tell them about me… they’re going to come for me, and try to assassinate me before I say anything about their plans. But they know something weird is going to be happening at one of their meeting points also near Centretown.”
Frost backed off. Buck… the only known cell in that area was the one he was going after… She motioned for Clash to watch him as she pulled away to talk with Control.
“You got all that?” she asked. “Should we…”
“Buck’s team is just about to go in. I’ll warn them about it, but… Do you trust him?”
“I… I—”
A gunshot went off and Clash was on comms, relaying information.
“Sniper on the roof. Rook is already on his way looking for them, I’ve managed to close all windows and I have my shield up and we’re waiting in our hold.”
“I’m going to go join Rook, everyone, hold your positions.”
Frost sprinted up the stairs to hear a few grunts before a shadowy figure ran up the stars while a frustrated Rook came tumbling down.
“I’m following the target.” She saw Rook get up and follow once he got his bearings.
Up and up they went until they reached the roof again. “Hands up and on your head. Don’t move, or I’ll shoot.”
White Masks were known to be fanatical, willing to even sacrifice their life for… well… no one really knew. It really shouldn’t have been such a surprise, but Frost still flinched as Rook’s bullets whizzed by and landed right between the sniper’s eyes as the terrorist turned with a pistol withdrawn.
“Tango down,” Rook announced.
Frost nodded her thanks.
As she and Rook searched the body, only finding a couple coins, a few random bullets, and a clear liquid that was already dripping from somewhere in the bag, though no container to hold it.
“Is this sugar water?” Rook’s lip curled in disgust as he pulled his hand out of the man’s pocket. “It’s smells kinda sweet, no? But not sticky…”
“Try not to breathe it in,” Frost told him. “Could be anything.”
As she pushed her hand into his jean pockets, she found a loose piece of paper. “‘Caesar salad’… what is this, Control?”
“Send a picture”
Caesar Salad.
YMJ XJWZR NX NS YMJ GZQQJY.
TSJ YT IJQNAJW, TSJ YT PNQQ.
BJ BNQQ RFPJ RYAN UFD.
XMJ BNQQ RFPJYMJ INXYWFHYNTS.
XMJ BNQQ YFPJ TZY YMJ TYMJW.
QNKJ KTW HFZXJ.
TWIJWX GD OZQNZX.
Rook waved a few wet pieces of paper in front of Frost. “I have something else here. Probably the key to solve the code, but whatever liquid was in his pocket has completely ruined and destroyed the page.”
“The bullets probably ripped the wet paper apart,” Frost murmured, seeing bits of the alphabet on the pieces of paper.
“Check-in, team Charlie.” Control suddenly requested. “We’re getting weird signals from someone’s phone.”
“This is Jameson. Laurier clear.”
“Sauer. Slater clear. Also, does this mean you’re gonna assign us to body duty?”
“Let me guess,” Frost said, drily. “Ciel’s orders?”
“You remember him after all.” Control even dared chuckle at her expense. “He requested we do this since the teams are too small.”
“Rook, and I’m uh… checking in.”
“Frost. Checking in. I’m fine.”
A silence while they all waited for the fifth.
“Clash?”
No answer. Frost sprinted down the stairs and into their hold with her gun raised. Rook went a different direction, and she had no choice but to call the other two in. “Sauer, Jameson, leave flank watch to Control. We have an unknown situation here.”
“Buck’s starting soon,” Control reminded Frost. Right. Control wouldn’t only be watching over them. Buck would need that warning, and…
“Doesn’t matter. I’m priority,” she hissed through gritted teeth. Her heart sank, but her choices were limited.
“Understood.”
Rook went to the side closest to the street while she moved to the back and came face-to-face with Ryan, who was now holding Clash’s gun… There was no mistaking the little bunny charm she liked to hang on that gun.
“Whoa,” he gave a nervous chuckle. “I was just gonna come find you.” He dipped the barrel so it was pointed at the ground.
“The boarded-up section to Slater from the store has been broken down, Frost,” Sauer’s report came. She was behind the man, side arm drawn. “Rook is reinforcing it now, but it’s too late. Whoever came in is already back out.”
“Whoever came in threw a towel on my head. I only heard some struggling, but it ended when you guys did the check in. That guy must have run off then.” Ryan explained.
Frost took in the surroundings to try and collect her thoughts on what to do next. There were a lot of glass shards on the ground, which was new. They would make stealth a lot harder if it came to it here. “Where’s Clash?”
“With me,” Rook answered. “Jameson is coming to join you now, but Clash is breathing. Knocked out, but ok. And… Frost, that same liquid from the rooftop is around her face, but it’s drying too quickly to be sure. It was a White Mask that did this to her for sure though. The mask is still here.”
There was something she was missing. “Put down the gun and we can talk.”
“Ok… as long as you lower yours too.”
She did as asked and watched him as he pushed the gun away with his foot. “How did you get out of your bonds?”
“Glass shards. I started sawing from the moment they broke down the window.”
Control spoke up, “Frost, Avoledo is set to go in one minute.”
She played with the inside of her cheek while she thought about her options. “You can go help them for the start, but Before you go though… Got any updates on our stranger?”
Options: “He’s for real. I think he’s safe.” Or “I don’t trust him.”
#r6s#rainbow six siege#fanfic#r6s frost#r6s rook#r6s clash#action#choose your own path#reader interactive#writing#gun violence#hope you enjoy this chapter :)
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chapter one
Jules, grinning mischievously, set the game discs down in a row on the hardwood in front of the TV stand. Rosa’s heels clicked on the floor as he did and she moved in anticipation of what she was about to do. He set the last disc down gently after kissing it, then stood up to admire the line. His gaze turned to Rosa, who looked down at them, then back up at him.
“Yes, princess, you can go ahead,” he said with a flourish and bow, tossing the cases on the floor.
The discs cracked under Rosa’s heels as she jumped on them, stomped on them, ground them into the floor. She leaned down and picked up the pieces afterward, too, snapping them and tossing them on the bed. After she’d done that to every single one, she stomped all of the cases, tossing them on the bed as well.
She was fucking ruthless, and Jules loved it. He loved his sister, and that was exactly why he was doing this shit. He stomped the last one before her, his combat boot snapping the plastic case’s edge, then kicked it over to her. She did the same, then set it in front of the TV, smiling sweetly.
“Hope you enjoy your gameless existence, you dick,” she murmured, already unplugging the Playstation from the TV. “This is what you get for trying to rape me.”
Jules felt his stomach fall at her words, but knew it was true. A week ago, he and his friend Sam had walked in on Rosa and Dickwad Josh at a party. Rosa had been trying to push Josh off her, and it took both Jules and Sam to get him away.
As usual, they’d both guaranteed they’d exact their revenge, and make it ten times worse than what they usually did because the guy had almost succeeded.
They showed up at his house when they were sure he was gone, and went inside to speak to his parents. They’d listened as Rosa described what happened, and Jules told them he’d witnessed it and that their son was a dick in the first place too, who would sometimes grope Rosa in front of everyone.
They’d all agreed he needed to learn a very, very severe lesson.
So, naturally, they showed them both up to his room and told them what they could destroy. They both took the opportunity to kill his games, and were now dismantling his Playstation and controllers.
Once they had everything gathered in their arms, they went downstairs and outside. Jules waved a controller affectionately at his parents, who grinned back at him. They’d hated how much Josh played games, anyway, and they were really nice people in a not so good neighborhood. There was a kid down the street who would kill for the console, so Jules and Rosa knocked on the door happily.
“Hi,” Rosa said, grinning. “We’re from the house down there, the Pinnows. Uh— Well, Josh, their son, he knew that your kid really wanted a Playstation and that you guys couldn’t get one, so we come bearing a gift.”
They both lifted the console and cords. “It’s a little worn, but Josh wanted you guys to have it.”
The dad took it thankfully, a little shocked as he laughed. “Holy shit. Thank you.”
After a little bit of awkward conversation, they left again, grinning at the good deed they did in the middle of revenge. Jules shoved at Rosa. “You feeling better?”
“Fuck yes. He deserves all this shit. Dick.” Rosa laughed, clapping her hands together. She rubbed them greedily. “What can we destroy now?”
“How about slashing his tires? Make him pay, sis,” Jules said, passing her his pocket knife. He took her hand and set it in her palm, then kissed her forehead. “Careful, though. We don’t need you slashing your hand open.”
Mason Hill moved his head along to the music blasting into his eardrums as he fucked around on his laptop. He was in the mood for going incognito online, wanting to interact with fans without them knowing it was him. He had been hearing about this awesome Nosam forum for a while but hadn't made an account yet. He figured it was time for that to change. He cracked his knuckles in front of his chest and stuck out his tongue, grinning as he saw the first empty text box to fill beside the word Username.
"Easy," he murmured to himself, immediately typing masonfucker1000 into the box.
He frowned at the next prompt. Name? Huh. He drummed his fingers against his leg, glancing at Austin, sitting nearby him on the tour bus. "Dude, what was your middle name again?"
Austin gave him a curious look as he stopped playing his guitar, pushing his glasses up. "Elías? Why do you ask?"
Mason clicked his tongue at him, winking. "Nothing important. Nice name, handsome."
Austin opted not to respond, shaking his head and watching him suspiciously before going back to his guitar.
Mason typed Elías into the box. He figured a shit ton of people were 23 and it would be harmless to put that in, so he did that too. He put in a fanart edit of himself as the image— him wearing a flower crown, one of his favorites— and hit Create Account, smiling in satisfaction. He went to the welcome thread to make his first post.
masonfucker1000: hey!! im maybe older than most fans but I just wanted you all 2 know that even though im straight, i would let mason hill do anything he wanted to me
Austin kept glancing up at him, effectively distracted by Mason wanting his middle name for what was probably a horrible reason.
“Seriously, what are you doing?”
“Joining a Nosam forum, obviously,” Mason scooted closer to him, moving the laptop close to his face with a flourish.
Austin stared at the screen, looking from the glittery website’s title, to the header with their faces, and then to Mason’s post. “Why are you always so disturbingly narcissistic to the point where I’m almost certain you’d actually fuck yourself if given the opportunity?”
Mason tilted his head, nodding as he spoke. “Because I would, Ozzie,” he pecked his neck and then, mouth at his ear, repeated in a whisper. “Because I would.”
Jules, alone in his bedroom after the revenge-destroying, was fucking around on the Nosam forum. As usual. He was one of the top members, had helped design the site as a school project, was friends with about half the people on the site, and loved them all. They were really his only friends, so it was easy to love them all.
He refreshed the page just in time to see a new comment in the welcome thread. No one had joined in a while, so it was interesting. It wasn’t exactly the most popular website, so… Oh, their name was Elias… That was Austin’s middle name. Maybe he’d finally have another Austin stan.
And of course, they loved Mason. God damn it, everyone did. He sighed but hit reply anyway. A new friend was a new friend.
familyjules: hey elias! welcome to the nosam fanbase!!! also: ew but go off i guess ;)
Mason gasped loudly, falling back against the small sofa. "Ew? Ew?"
He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration as he immediately replied.
masonfucker1000: jules! hi! thanks! also! what the hell! how can you resist the unique and godly allure that only mason joshua hill possesses?
Jules snorted, rolling his eyes. He leaned on his wall as he typed, laughing a little to himself.
familyjules: i’m too entranced by the unique and godly allure that only austin possesses, ....masonfucker1000. i just realized this point is totally moot but i’m still gonna fight it to my dying breath: austin elías salinas vicente is better than mason hill in so many ways but i respect your opinion my dear masonfucker
Mason sighed loudly and took off his snapback, throwing it at Austin, who yelped in surprise.
"What the hell?"
Mason glared at him. "That's for having a godly allure, Salinas."
Austin sputtered, confused.
masonfucker1000: you say you respect my opinion, familyjules? really? u might as well have spat in my face. austin. better than mason. my god. i will try to coexist peacefully with radical beliefs such as urs.
also: is ur profile pic u?
Jules laughed at the dramatics. He hadn’t had this much fun meeting someone in a while. They were actually taking his jokes as jokes.
familyjules: thank you for your precious coexistence, fellow radical believer. and yeah dat me
Mason didn't know why the Nosam fanbase just happened to be super attractive, but he always appreciated nonetheless.
masonfucker1000: my dude, fellow believer, may i just say that ur face is v nice to look at. one might even say it radiates a certain godly allure
Jules blushed a little. People had called him attractive before, but not like that. Damn.
familyjules: thank you!! i guess ur pfp is kinda okay to look at... ;)
Mason huffed, pouting. That was just not at all fair. He couldn’t even defend his own good looks.
masonfucker1000: ha. ha. so how long have u been into nosam? sorry, i meant: how long have u been brainwashed into thinking nosam was called nitsua?
Jules laughed at that one. It was good. Elias was funny.
familyjules: i actually laughed at that one! nitsua just sounds like a ninja name or something. and i’ve been into them since their first ep came out! found them on youtube and felllllllll. how about you?
Mason grinned. Hardcore fan. Hell, yeah. Call him a narcissist. Nosam was awesome and superbly talented, and Mason appreciated when other people knew it.
masonfucker1000: me too! nosam sorta changed my life. listen to them way more than a sane person should.
Someone else on the thread pointed out that that page was for welcoming and not conversation. Mason stuck out his tongue at his laptop screen.
masonfucker1000: whoops. heading to gen, familyjules?
Jules sighed a little at the comment, rolling his eyes. He’d made the website. It was his rule. And he’d broken it.
familyjules: whoops. yeah. i’ll tag u in a thread
familyjules: @masonfucker1000 here we are. what yt video did you see first?
masonfucker1000: teenage dirtbag cover! iconic as hell. have u ever seen them live? its the most fun i've ever had.
familyjules: hell yes! i love that one! and no ): but i’ve got tickets to a show this tour and im hype. gonna scream my ass off
Mason's eyes widened. Oh, yes. Mason befriending a fan and that fan attending a Nosam concert? That would be beautiful.
masonfucker1000: really?? where? what day? on the off chance im going to the same 1
familyjules: Traverse City, MI. gonna glitter my face off too i’m gonna look great
masonfucker1000: oh nah not going there! glitter! nosam hype! fuck yeah, i believe u, u already look great as is. michigan, huh? the hell do u do for fun there?
familyjules: hockey, mostly. play bass too. try to run away from my family while blasting pop punk since no one gets me. freeze to death in snow
masonfucker1000: hockey?? ur tiny! i think! bass is rad, how long have you been playing? pop punk is the shit, i get u, bro
Jules smiled a bit. At least he didn’t say he was a girl.
familyjules: bet i can whoop your ass even if i am tiny! and ive been playing for 5 years now. lots of nosam covers in the media thread if u wanna check it out! we gots a talented group here
masonfucker1000: i bet u can i can barely hold a stick.
a future seluj! charmed to meet u pre-fame. will def check out.
Mason headed to the media thread and clicked on one of the audio files Jules had uploaded. His eyes widened, and he turned up the volume.
Andrew, who had sat down in the far corner like the fucking loner he was, looked up at Mason as basslines filled the small space. "Hey, who's that? Not Chris, is it?"
Mason shook his head, mumbling, "Fan cover."
Andrew snorted, "Shit. That's good. You should show that to Chris when he gets back."
Mason played a few more covers, very impressed and a little doubtful.
masonfucker1000: c'mon. c'mon, jules. no way that's u.
familyjules: oh hell yeah that’s me. ask anyone on here i love playing so much. covered a few starlight songs too but i’m not as good at those yet. are u into them too?
masonfucker1000: sure, sure. u stripped from chris, admit it, jules.
fuck yeah! love those badass ladiesss!
familyjules: whoa, dude, i’d never. if anything i’d strip for austin. if stella wouldn’t kill me
masonfucker1000: pipe dream, jules. stella would 100% kill you. and then strip for austin herself.
Jules sighed wistfully at that image. They were both ridiculously hot, and Stella stripping was just a mental image to frame and make lifesize on the mantel above the fireplace.
familyjules: can’t even join them? damn. my dreams are gone. can i share mason w/you then, masonfucker? he’s the only single one of all of them... wait. does your username mean you’re his hand then? shouldn’t you have his hand as your pfp?
Mason's jaw dropped. "Holy fuck. I've never felt so roasted in my entire fucking life. Holy shit. Fucking— familyjules," he breathed a laugh, already typing out a response eagerly. Andrew rose an eyebrow at him, an action that Mason didn’t even notice.
masonfucker1000: shit! how could u do him like that? he gets plenty of attention other than his hand! lots of it! mason hill gets around! its basic info!
familyjules: ha! uses the other hand sometimes? ;)
Mason lifted his arms behind his head. "This fucker!" he laughed again, rubbing his hands down his face. This Jules girl was ridiculous. If only she knew who she was talking to but... no, not a good idea. He stared at the screen, frowning as he realized he really wanted to keep talking to her, forgetting to respond and tapping his fingers against the laptop. He flipped Andrew off when he kept staring at him, taking the laptop and laying in his bunk instead. He could easily just not respond, like, ever. It wouldn’t matter at all. Jules was just some random fan he’d stumbled onto online, who had no idea who Mason was, with whom Mason had only had half a conversation with. Hell, he usually didn’t even have more than a conversation with people anyway, always having so many he wanted to talk to. But it wasn’t ever like this. And it was stupid, really, how drawn he felt from just a couple hundred words on a screen, from a stranger. It wasn’t even a good font.
Mason pursed his lips, sighing quietly as he stared at the forum page, at the slight curve of Jules’ mouth in her profile picture. He abruptly switched tabs, checking his Twitter and replying to some fans. He Googled other fansites, ones he already had accounts on, and sifted through the threads, trying to find something else to do.
It was a bit before Elias responded again. Jules fucked around with other things on the site while he waited, scrolled through Tumblr, and then went back. He private messaged Elias, frowning a little.
familyjules: hey dude. just so you know i fuck with all the mason superfans like that. it’s way too easy to roast mason
Mason was startled when he heard a ping as he had finally distracted himself from familyjules. He hesitated barely a second before switching back, smiling as he read the message.
masonfucker1000: yeah its cool! got distracted. ur wrong tho. completely wrong. masons a regular manwhore
familyjules: cool all good. just wanted to make sure you weren’t actually mad! and trust me i know far too many girls on here have talked about seeing his dick
masonfucker1000: mad? over that? dont worry, bro, not at all
gh! and they all say his dick is huge. which is false. have u seen him in skinny jeans? he's got an average dick, ladies. an average dick with an above average heart
familyjules: damn dude. at least you’re honest unlike them. also sometimes it looks big so i wonder who’s right👀
masonfucker1000: average dick.
fuck im starving. what do i have to do to get some pizza up in hereeeee
familyjules: be mason hill?
familyjules: kidding! i’ll send you some
masonfucker1000: you be careful or ill end up taking your word for it!! i swear my stomach is going to start eating itself
They ended up talking for a bit longer, but then Jules had to sleep, which made Mason pouty. It was rare for him to enjoy talking to someone this much, but Jules had a late shift the next day and classes all day, so he said goodbye and logged off, promising to be back same time the next day.
♦️
It kept like that for a week. Jules talked to Elias whenever he could, along with his other friends. He felt drawn to Elias for some reason, compelled to let the mysterious user eat up all his time.
familyjules: so. mr. masonfucker. you’ve only got two things on your profile and it’s been a week. not even a small introduction to tell us about yourself other than you’d let mason have his way with you? i’m curious ;)
During the week, Mason had become gradually more excited every time he had the chance to be online when Jules was, which had thankfully been coinciding with after Nosam sets. He bit his lip as he read the newest message from her.
masonfucker1000: oh, youre curious? maybe i like the suspense ;) what about u, miss familyjules? im very curious about u. ur short bio is frankly not enough
Jules winced at the response. So Elias did think he was a girl. He could set him straight... but he knew nothing about this person except that he was cis and straight. He seemed cool, but Jules really didn’t want to deal with a huge messy fight on the site right now.
familyjules: hey, you know i live in michigan. and what i look like. and that i play bass and play hockey. i don’t even know what you do for fun, aside from stan mason. c’mon, dude
Mason groaned. God, he could just disappear right now, not talk to her ever again. But he'd be fucking bummed. Was he just lonely? I mean, tours got like that sometimes. Maybe he just needed stress relief, although that was off the table at the moment. Shit. This wasn't a... thing. Was it?
masonfucker1000: alright, alright! well, i do not live in michigan. i look like a burnt chicken nugget but i still love myself! i like singing and i've seen Real Steel abt a thousand times. how about that?
familyjules: real steel is awesome! and singing! maybe you should be in seluj with me one day. we’d take over the world, displace nosam
masonfucker1000: hell yeah! I'll let hugh jackman have at all this too 🥒🍆
displace nosam? ur blocked
masonfucker1000: kidding! totally up for it, let's go. altho it should be called saile, then
familyjules: hey, you’re the one who named it seluj in the first place! maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves tho. havent even heard u sing. for all i know you could suck
masonfucker1000: thats where you're wrong, jules! that's where you're wrong! hold on
Mason paced the tour bus, considering his options. He had to show her he could sing. If he sang a song nobody had ever heard him do, maybe it would be alright?
masonfucker1000: uploaded suckonthisjules.mp3
masonfucker1000: go the distance! Hercules is my favorite disney movie. see? proof of my awesome talent and a fact abt me
Jules blinked in shock at the file, clicking play and leaning back. He listened, transfixed, picking at his lip.
familyjules: holy shit elias you sound a lot like mason. did you train your voice or what? there were a few places where you were off key but god damn. also hercules is so underrated
"Oh, fuck," Mason said as he read the response. "Wait— off key?" he glared at his laptop.
Andrew snorted. "A few minutes ago? Yeah."
Mason turned his glare towards Andrew. "I was not off key."
Andrew just laughed and shook his head, stuffing his face with chicken.
Mason frowned. It's not his fault his voice was a little strained after the show. No way he was gonna admit it, though.
He deleted the file he sent.
masonfucker1000: ah yeah, a bit.
and go to hell. off key, my ass! i told you I can sing. hercules is def underrated! yo where do u go all day?
Jules frowned when the messages shifted. He scrolled back up to find the file gone. “Oh, come on,” he muttered. How paranoid could this guy be? It was a fansite. Who cared?
familyjules: def off key a bit. you deleted the file because of it, i see you, devil 👀
familyjules: oh also i’m a working college student! class by day, waiting tables by night
masonfucker1000: i did not!
oh shit, nice! well, horrible, but nice. i bet you get good tips ;) what are u studying?
familyjules: you’d be surprised how bad the tips are. studying music and psych, but the psych is a minor
masonfucker1000: jules ill go over there and tip you, you'll be set for life. so ur serious abt music huh? what do u wanna do?
familyjules: so youre rich. another thing i know now. and hell yeah i am! i want to work w/ a recording company if i can, fill in bass. more freelance than i’d like but it’s something
masonfucker1000: 🤑
masonfucker1000: woah woah wait. ur settling! what would you like?
familyjules: settling? i don't call getting to play bass for a living settling
familyjules: what i really want tho is to play in a band but that's unlikely
masonfucker1000: uh huh
masonfucker1000: i knew it! c'mon, unlikely? you're as good as chris if you're not lying abt not stripping his bass 👀 maybe even better
familyjules: WHOA dude dont disrespect christo like that he's a huge role model!! i wish i could be as good as him
Mason smiled, getting up to bother Chris. "Yo, hey, dude?"
Chris looked up from his laptop, rubbing his forehead. "Huh?"
"You know that girl I've been talking to that plays bass. She says you're her role model and got offended when I said she probably plays better than you."
Chris smiled warmly. "That's sweet."
"No, but, listen," Mason showed him an audio clip of Jules covering bass for one of their songs. Chris furrowed his eyebrows as he listened, running his fingers through his hair as his jaw went slack. "Shit. What? Geez— don't even tell the guys, they'll replace me."
Mason laughed loudly, ruffling Chris's hair.
masonfucker1000: no disrespect to christo, i think you're incredibly good. u could definitely be better than him! u should try the band thing, bro, if thats what u really want
familyjules: maybe. i have some stage fright too but been working on that. what do you do all day, mr. masonfucker?
Aw, fuck. This was going to get frustrating for the both of them real quick. Mason didn't want to lie, but he couldn't tell her what he actually did all day. He could maybe explain that he was going to have to keep some (a lot of) personal information to himself? That would sound weird. Mason stared at the message, unsure what to do. He could be a bit of a dick and reply with a joke. Or something really vague. He'd only known Jules for a little over a week but he had a feeling he might not get away with that.
masonfucker1000: how've you been working on it?
masonfucker1000: and i think the more appropriate question is who don't i do all day
Oh, God, that was bad. He regretted sending that one. Mason found himself not wanting her to actually think he slept around all day. Or at all. Fucking hell.
Jules frowned at the reply. This was... interesting, he guessed. Or something like it.
familyjules: so you're a prostitute? that's how you have so much money?
Mason couldn't help but laugh at the response.
masonfucker1000: what! no no
Mason grumbled to himself, rubbing his hands down in face.
masonfucker1000: that was a stupid thing for me to say, sorry
masonfucker1000: i have a job that requires a lot of travel
familyjules: okay that makes more sense. a traveling prostitute. sounds fun! what places have u seen?
Mason rolled his eyes, smiling.
masonfucker1000: oh, aaaall oooover the world. in the US rn, tho! i could put on a show for u ;)
familyjules: maybe i'll take you up on that offer ;)
familyjules: hey im about to upload a new cover btw! it just finished uploading
masonfucker1000: oh, another masterful christo strip!
prologue | chapter two (coming soon!)
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11 questions meme
another meme, this time tagged by @kixboxer. under cut for tl;dr rambling.
1. What is your favorite kind of soup and why?
seafood clam chowder, simply by the virtue that it’s not easily found where I am (the delicious ones, at least - a lot of them just taste like those cheap soup mixes you pour hot water into). also because of that one bowl of chowder I had in a random pub in Doolin (Ireland) which tasted like absolute heaven.
2. What’s your starter Pokémon type or do you change it up?
I’m not really a gamer and the last Pokemon game I played seriously was Yellow, where your starter was only Pikachu. but well, if I had to choose, probably Fire or Water.
3. Can you make an omelette?
yes, though I haven’t really made one in awhile…
4. Would you rather be a vampiric tree or a vampire that feeds on trees?
what’s with the vampire-themed questions, owlbro. UH… a vampire that feeds on trees. because I don’t like being stuck in one place, and being a vampiric tree feels like I need to be rooted to one spot and that sounds a little boring. also, feeding on trees doesn’t sound too bad - trees wouldn’t have blood for me to drain, so I’d assume I’d “feed” on leaves/fruits/nuts? even if I ate the tree bark, it could technically grow back. least harmful option for the tree, y/y?
5. What are your thoughts on eels? Make some up if you don’t have any
eels are kinda cute and cool! also, delicious when grilled. uh, yeah.
6. What is the longest consecutive amount of time you’ve gone without sleeping?
probably a little more than 24 hours.
7. Do you like your tea or coffee sweetened?
for some types of coffee drinks, yes (like flavoured latte/macchiato). but I never put sugar in brewed coffee or cappucino.
8. What is your favorite way to eat potatoes?
I love potatoes so I’ll eat any kind, but roasted potaoes and pan-fried rosti are THE BEST.
9. Have you ever planned the perfect murder? Feel free to share. I am a slubby 20something and definitely not the cops. I am definitely not a 4-person task force with something to prove.
I’d wanted to say I could poison someone with a number of different chemical concoctions, but that would show up in toxicology reports in the post-mortem - I wouldn’t consider it a perfect murder in that sense. so I’m just going to be lazy and say the perfect murder would probably just to put someone into a Force choke-hold or killing them with a single thought Vader-style.
10. How many times have you listened to yolo? Give a rough estimate if you don’t have a playcount somewhere.
YOU KNOW, before I read this question, I didn’t even know there was a song called ‘YOLO’. no, really, I’m not lying and I actually had to search for it on YT. of course it’s from Adam Samberg’s band, ofc. and thank you, now I’m going to be playing this on repeat while procrastinating on things until the 11th hour before I finally #yolo like the responsible adult I’m not :’D so, to answer your question: this is the first time I’m listening to it, but it sure won’t be the last time !
11. Are you working on any fic/art/meta right now? Share a sample?
ADKJKFHHSJF I’M REALLY SLOW WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING apologies to whoever’s following me for fic only but yes, I’m currently bouncing ideas in my head for one long-ish(?) AU oneshot and some short canon fic/ficlets. no idea when exactly I’ll finish them though lol.
some samples scenes for each fic (no major spoilers for the game):
***
“Why do you still keep smiling, even when I tear open your wounds?” she spat, vehemence laced in every word.
(Many moons later, she would find herself asking the same question, to yet another who smiled just like he did even through the anguish and pain.
How could they…. How dare they? It didn’t make any sense, it couldn’t–)
Her brows creased in anger, Symonne forced herself back up to her feet even as her limbs ached and trembled from the growing exhaustion of battle. Being delicate in stature had its drawbacks; she would tire easily from direct combat in a battle. As such, she had perfected the use of her seraphic artes, weaving illusions and doppelgangers born from one’s own deepest fear. She had not asked for this accursed blessing, never wished for any of it. But it was all she’d ever known, all she’d carried within her throughout centuries of misery and growing apathy. It was she was but it was enough for this, for her Lord – she reminded herself, again, as she struggled to stand upright, pointing her baton at the two humans before her. It was enough, as long as she could serve him, her Master. So, she won’t stop here; no, she can’t stop, she must not fall–
“That’s enough, Symonne.” The Shepherd’s voice was soft and gentle, and Symonne felt frustration flaring from deep within. She lifted her head, staring up at the disgustingly radiant smile, at the pity in those evergreen eyes.
***
He shouldn’t have been surprised, honestly. Incidents like these – they were a norm and he should really be used to them by now. Being part the Shepherd’s posse seems bring about both irritability and absurdity in equal parts – he had known of this even before Rose had decided on sharing the burden of a Shepherd and took up the role of Squire; before she’d risked her own life to save the brat from certain death when he’d been foolish enough to face off with the Lord of Calamity.
Still, nothing quite prepared him for this; he was more of a dog person, after all.
“But why cats, though?” Rose finally blurted out, incredulous. Hell, Dezel wanted to know too – who would come up with such a sick joke anyway?
I’m not a cat! The small silver and cat-like creature was scowling up at them with narrowed, violet eyes. Its mouth was open, as if it were attempting to speak. But the only sound it managed was a very indignant and cat-like meow.
W-What? The silver cat crinkled its nose, its tail waving back and forth in confusion. It glanced to its side, gazing at another cat – a longhaired white cat with a bushy, red tail. Why can’t I… Lailah, what’s going on?!
***
“Do not let yourself be so readily deceived by all that glitters, by their honeyed words. After all, they murdered your father when he would not be silenced, and then banished us into the Wastelands. They sent your mother to die all alone – you still remember, don’t you? Her terrified screams when she was cut down, the way her blood stained the wheat fields crimson? Remember that always, child.”
Sorey flinched from the twist of emotion within his gut. Lady Maltran may not be close by, but the ghostly whispers of her words still sent a trail of ice shivering down his spine. He shook his head, pushing away the taunting memories back. No, Lady Maltran was right – this wasn’t the time to let his guard down. He exhaled slowly, finding his centre again, and drew his thoughts back once more to the present. To focus on what had been drilled into him, what he had been sent to do.
okay, here are my 11 questions:
1. If your life was set in an AU, what would it be?
2. Worst things about your current fandom(s)
3. Three tropes that you fall for in media
4. Something you wished your parents had taught you when you were a child
5. Favourite snack(s) from the convenience store
6. What comes to mind when you see the colour orange?
7. Any inspiratational words from a fictional character that you’ve taken to heart?
8. Prefered method of saving the world: piloting a giant mecha robot engaged in space dogfights or riding into battle on the backs of your megaraptor steed?
9. Childhood nicknames?
10. Skydiving and bungee-jumping - yes or no?
11. Favourite kind(s) of autumn beverages/drinks
tagging @armatise @shamingcows @snow-partridge @hakuryuu-tofu @skyress
and anyone else who feels like doing it (or feel free to not do either).
#useless text post#meme things#i swapped your questions around a bit owlbro#because i didn't really want to throw blocks of fic samples in the middle#and leaving it at the end means it's easier to skip it#bUT ANYWAY those fic samples make no sense#since i'm not explaining my premises for them yet LMAO#when will i finish all these wips? who knows#tl;dr ignore me#tl;dr about me
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#Me:*blatantly staring at Gwen's butt*#I can have a little look. as a treat.#I'm still waiting for the episode where he laughs tho 🥺🥺🥺#Still gonna be a while though so. Until then.#Gotta take what I can get lmao#Yes I COULD just listen to it on YT I know someone put up *exactly* that one short clip where he laughs#But that'd be cheating#I can do that after I've reached the episode
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infinities x wormholes (FINALLY!)
FEBRUARY 06, 2017 – 08:09 PM // Monday
Okay, it’s now 08:23 pm. LOL. Pewds and Marzia got me stuck on YT for a while there. They’re too cute. Bro fist if you know them, and double bro fist if you ship them! Hihi. Anyways, we’re here now because I have something to blab about me and Gravity. Yes, this early in the year. Well I was supposed to post a Life Update before writing this, but then I really couldn’t get immense onto writing about the bigger picture yet because all I’m feeling now is the excitement of finally meeting Gravity in person. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, click here. And if you have no idea what the latest deal is with us two that I posted an entire blog about, click here. If you want to know what I’ve been feeling now that there’s just 9 days left from the day of his arrival, just continue reading.
To be honest, we’re down to 4 days left now from Gravity’s arrival. There have been stuffs that had occupied me for the past days, okay. And as much as I want to write a coherent and comprehensive post about what I’ve been feeling exactly, I COULDN’T WORD IT OUT. But I’ll try my best just so I could post something and keep a written reminder that I’ve felt this way. I hope you get what I meant there. Bear with me! LOL. And here’s to me getting to post this tonight too! It’s now 05:17 pm of February 11, 2017 – Saturday.
Now let’s start reminiscing the feeling I felt when I first let myself accept the fact that I like a person that is living thousands of miles away from me. The following italized paragraphs came from my first ever blog post about us that I put out here.
E-dating is new to me but why not, right? Like and glad might develop to love and happy. I’m not sure how it works, how it should go. Do I have the right to do this or that? Do I have to be like this or that? Even the thing like, do I have to expect this or that? I’m really not sure. Does it work like how it works with dating normally? Is it considered a romantic relationship? I don’t really know. All I know.. I mean, actually I’m sure of it that gravity’s having its way to me already. And whatever are statistics and probability of falling in love with a short period of time, it is still falling all the same. Experts may say, ‘yow it’s not falling in love, it’s being infatuated’ and yeah maybe these dudes and dudettes are right, I can give them that. But yow give me a shot here to try this out. This could be not just an infatuation and prove you wrong.
He makes me happy and I don’t know what more he could make me feel. I am happy and he could make me feel something, that’s the point there. Risks are worth taking when they make you happy. I just hope I make this person happy, too, cause I know, like me, he’s also taking a risk here.
This is the last part of the post that I put out here back on March 16, 2015. It honestly feels like it’s been forever since I posted this, but at the same it does feel like it just happened yesterday sometimes. I mean, Long Distance Relationship never gets easy even though the couple have figured out already how to make their relationship work despite the distance and time difference. You know why? Well, here’s an excerpt from my second blog post about us. This was written by updating monthly of what had been happening with us, because we’ve tried to be in a relationship again. When we started E-dating back in March 2015, I called it off after a month because I wasn’t liking what I was feeling while in the relationship. It didn’t feel right for some reason. We didn’t cut our communication despite everything though, I just realized that NO, I WON’T COMMIT TO A RELATIONSHIP THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO HANDLE. Neither did he that’s why we had to call it off and decided to just continue talking, being each other’s friend for a couple of months. It’s been 18 months now after that few months of break and here we are, still together and finally meeting in a couple of days. How we make it work? Okay I’ll let you read now the excerpt from the second blog I posted about us to simply explain the ‘how’.
Is it still hard? Yes, it is. Am I okay with it? Yes I am. Why? Because I know all the touch itching, mind blowing, heart pounding, clenching, stomach twisting and what more poetic turbulence my body does because of this feelings I have for him is all worth it.
I came to realize, there’s really nothing wrong with being in a long distance relationship. There’s nothing wrong with trusting. There’s nothing wrong with waiting. There’s nothing wrong with getting hurt. Because you know, there’s nothing wrong with loving a person. You know what I think is wrong? It’s not giving the person a chance to prove that he/she can do everything for you to make you happy despite the distance. It’s that fact of not allowing the person to be the right one because you assumed ahead that it wouldn’t work out.
I just proved for the past month that in a relationship, two people work together. It doesn’t have to be just because he’s the man, he should be the stronger of the two; it should be the both of you willing to be the strength of the other when he/she is feeling down, or just you know losing it, losing the image of why both of you are in a relationship in the first place. Because the two of you wouldn’t be in it if either of you didn’t have the strength and will to commit to begin with, and to make things work.
This was posted last December 19, 2015. After I posted this blog post, everything went smoothly fine. Of course, there were the highs and the lows. There were times that we talked endlessly and almost every day (actually since October I think (?) of 2016, we regularly talk like every single day already which weirded me out for quite some time because I got used to us not talking all the time), yet there were also times when we skip a day or two of not talking because we don’t feel like to and had to have our solitude (it still happens but not through us having to think about it like that ourselves anymore because we now tell the other that, for example I don’t feel like talking or something came up like health issues or just something unavoidable that I have to handle first, I do always tell him now about it first before going MIA because well, he now does the same thing) and of course arguments wouldn’t be out of the picture. We do argue about things but I guess what’s great about us now is that we don’t end our conversation without meeting in the middle. We argue but through these arguments, we learned how to understand each other better because we always try to understand each other’s points of view if they are not in the same page. Actually, we get to talk sometimes how similar we both are in so many ways but are also different in some aspects. And during this kind of talk that we have like every month is when we get to appreciate each other’s presence in our lives more. Because, isn’t it nice to be reminded that when you’re in doubt about yourself or about something or just with life in general, there could always be that someone you can turn to who will listen and understand you but at the same time tells you what you need to hear and not what you only want to? He’s not just my lover now, he’s also my best friend.
Frankly if we’re just going to talk about us and our relationship, I can say that everything is great. I have nothing to complain about and I’m just simply thankful that God had let me finally know him and live this life with each other in our lives. But of course, there’s always the bigger picture. Our families have approved of our relationship already so there’s no problem with that anymore. What’s sad here is that I’m a Filipina and he’s Canadian. Interracial relationship is supposed to be not a huge deal anymore but here in the Philippines, there’s this stigma that you have to deal with when you’re a Filipina and dating a non-Filipino guy. This bothers me so much because my emotions are sensitive, I’m a very sensitive one even though I might act like I don’t give a damn in person. Things just get easily into my head and I hate when that happens. For one, my insecurities eat me up. And most importantly, is that I could end up not enjoying what I am supposed to enjoy and be happy about. To make it simple, my anxiety gets the better of me.
I’ve actually talked about this with Gravity already and he of course thinks how absurd the stigma is because he of all knows how much I work hard to have my own money. He knows all my goals and why I decide for things to be done in a certain way that he needs to respect and understand. There are things (Nothing nasty alright? I know how Filipino brains work so spare me with any BS) that he had proposed to me this whole time but I always tell him that I have to get shits done myself first. Of course, I won’t ever turn down a marriage proposal. LOL. Hello? I’m not an idiot, I just want my dignity and principles intact. I love him and I would love to spend the rest of life with this man. Just not anytime soon though. BUT SOON.
You know what? There are so many things that I’d still want talk about here. The struggle of always getting questions like “Pinapadalahan ka niya?”, “Paano mo inakit?”, “Anong pinapakita mo?” and lately the most frequent question I get, “Bakit ikaw gagastos?” LOL. Yes, I do get questions like these and even those knowing looks because they knew I’m dating a “foreigner”. It becomes annoying, even irritating and frustrating in some way to be honest. But then again, both of us (and some people that are very close to us) know anyway how things really are going between the two of us. So just thinking about the fact that he accepts me despite my physical disability, he understands all my principles in life, he supports me with all my goals and passions and you know just knowing every day that he chooses me—all the negative feeling just fades away. And yes, you can call it LOVE now if you’re not sceptical about us anymore.
ADVANCE HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE! ♡
#infinitiesxwormholes#finally#gravity#LDR#longdistancerelationship#boyfriend#relationship#personal#lifenigmatalks#lifenigma#thekirstenkhaye
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