#about family and its ties to you as a grown up individual

[monomorphilogical]

Family matters

There is this unfamiliar, other side of my life that I’ve held at arms’ length for so many years, full of unfinished stories and old mannerisms I didn’t know had an origin. All this time I have laid memories in my own footsteps; easy to trace back and always shaped to fit my bootprint.

I have known the habit of family, I have lived it, but they have been made up by the pathways of genes and mannerisms stemming from my mother, not my father. My father was a singular thing, a man who carried a handful of grief-ridden stories and actions only explained by vague notions of his childhood.

My father’s family consisted of anecdotes barely remembered, wrongdoings always repeated, and a bad taste in your mouth after a phone call with them. I spoke about them to others, never much and always sparingly, but it had always felt unfamiliar and strange. After all, these were the people to look out for, the bad taste that lingered wasn’t charcoal of something burnt; it was poison. The only thing they had given me was their last name, and the only thing I had given them was a farewell.

Oh, but the family I had always associated myself with had simply been around. I didn't carry their last name, nor did we truly share the same facial features, and perhaps I had to learn their sense of humour, but they were my family. They visited, and so they knew about me as I knew about them.

No family is perfect, and so my mother's side of the family hadn't ever come close; but it was the closest thing to a family I had ever had. There were fights, some ceased to speak to each other at all, and their health seemed fickle. But it was my family nevertheless.

As I grew up into the body of a woman, so did the dynamic. Having never really acted a child, I served my family as my mother had always done; our house became a safe haven for them to rest and enjoy, and my mother and I ran around the kitchen to prepare food and drinks for everyone. These days, when it comes to my family matters, it is upon us to care for them.

Understand, I do not mind this, I enjoy caring for people and having the privilege to do so for my family warms my heart. But some days, there is a child-like version of me still alive, and she wants child-like attention, she wants to be cared for. I've known her for a while now, this child, and I know she's depraved of it. She wants something we cannot have, unobtainable and unrealistic, but she's so hungry for scraps that she'll take what she can get.

On those days it takes a wooden stick to beat the whining cries out of my chest.

So it's always been, and so I have learned to lay my memories down in my own graves dug. Like a two-headed deer have I taken care of that part of me, taking and giving simultaneously. Perhaps once or twice have I looked further than what was given to me, but as said before; my father's side of the family has never given me a thing, and so it was a futile matter.

This unfamiliar side, of which I had only known the cruel details and gruesome truths for as long as I can remember; weren’t stories of my own. All that I had felt for them was a blinding rage, fuelled by injustice, but all this anger was to make up for their traces onto my father, the scars they'd left were never on me; they lived on his skin. As for me, I didn't ever know them, and up until now had I never cared for that fact.

But as always, it's is exactly when you cease to care about a stagnant situation, will something change the course of it entirely. The change in my family matters came in the form of my uncle, he had always been something of a myth to me, supposedly he lived quite nearby, but you'd never see the man at any function. With good reason, I figured as a child.

My uncle: a man who up until now lived solely in fleeting conversations and fog-obstructed memories like snapshots from a broken camera. I hardly remembered him. He was the one to have taught me how to swim; he used to have a large dog that would pull on its leash so hard it nearly sent me flying that one time we walked it through the woods; he never spoke much; he had a Christmas tree so big it folded against the ceiling.

My uncle, who I never truly knew, had suddenly walked into my living room, proclaimed me to be his favourite and hugged me in the span of a few seconds. It had shaken reality as I known it to be, as if I lived in a snow globe.

The more you learn, the less you know, and that proved to be true once my uncle told stories I had never heard before, spoke and moved in a way that reminded me terribly of my father, and showed the character of a complicated, but good man. He was a part of a wretched family, as my father were, as I am by extension, and yet there it was right in front of me: a connection that only exists through blood, yet it didn’t leave a bad taste in my mouth.

It might be one of those days, but something aches within me to ask questions upon questions, find out more about this man that used to love me as a child, yet feels so removed from me now. I can see it in his eyes, somewhere there hides this familiar curiosity, but there's unfamiliar surprise too; like he just cannot believe the years that have passed. Hesitant as I may be, new questions come to mind continuously.

Where does one start? Do I pull away the right hand that has kept this distance all my life? Or do I grasp onto his with my left?

#writing #writerscommunity #words #literature #family #family history #about family and its ties to you as a grown up individual #and about family as unconventional as it may be #writing by renae #philosophy #diary entry

[inkyleaf]

TG 210: Goblin Gambit (M-Humans to F-Goblins)

Note: The following story depicts a budding incestuous relationship.

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“Ready to finally get out of this dreadful town?” a young man named Arthur asked his brother Theodoric as he tightened his boots. “Ready as I’ll ever be,” Theo replied with a sigh, then continued: “You’re sure about this? Leaving mother and father to tend to the house and farm until this expedition is over and through?” Arthur laughed, scratching his short dirty blond beard. “You know they’ll be fine, brother! Besides, do you really want to stay cooped up in this tiny village when so much of the world is out there – unknown, and waiting to be discovered? And who’s to say we don’t encounter riches for the whole family along the way, aye?”

Ever since Arthur was a little boy, he’d always dreamt of exploring the world, as he’d grown up in a small medieval village known for its agriculture. His brother Theo was timid by comparison, but was always levelheaded and kept his brother out of trouble. Although Theo was hesitant about leaving his aging parents, he wanted to accompany Arthur on his journey to ensure that he stayed safe. Perhaps Arthur’s extravagant optimism and excitement was rubbing off a bit, too.

The brothers set off by horseback after hugging their parents goodbye, promising to return better than they left. Looking up from his map, Arthur loudly declared: “We’ll arrive at Feyhelm before the sun sets! Think of how good the ale will taste at the tavern, brother! This is only the beginning!” “I’ll hold you to that!” Theo said back with a grin as they both urged their horses to gallop faster. Without any words, the gallops quickly turned into a race that left a trail of dust in their wake.

Arthur arrived at the distant town of Feyhelm a good while before Theo caught up just as the sun was setting. Recognizing Arthur’s horse tied to post at the tavern, Theo followed suit and found his brother laughing and drunk with a group of strangers huddled over a pair of dice. Just as Theo was about to approach the tapster, he heard Arthur’s voice turn from jovial to rage. “Yeeeww fockin’ cheat’r! ‘Ere’s no way yewcud’ve nicked thrice inarow!” he slurred with a red face. Theo jumped in before things could escalate further: “Good sirs, this is my brother. I apologize for any trouble he may have caused. You see, we’re travelers new to this town!” One of the strangers, a strong man with long, messy hair, facial scars, and a jarringly fake tooth, pulled Theo in close by his collar and said with a wolfish grin: “Your brother owes me money,” then pushed him away.

“Please excuse us for a moment,” Theo grunted as he forcibly dragged his brother out of the tavern. He noticed a few other men guarding their horses. “What the hell did you do?!” Theo asked Arthur in a sharp whisper. “Aye…thought I could get us rich,” he replied slowly. “Odds were in my favor ‘n everyfin’! Itwas-n’t a bad idea…” After chatting with Arthur for the next half-hour as he sobered up, the brothers returned to the tavern to pay up. “You owe how much?!” Theo exclaimed. Arthur hung his head as the burly man said it again: “320 pence.” The brothers were diligent in bringing a lot of money for their journey ahead, but neither of them carried that much individually, forcing them to pool their coins together. “Pleasure gamblin’ with ya, boys.”

Leading their horses by the reigns, Arthur and Theo walked around town to find the inn in silence. Arthur knew he had messed up, and Theo was rightfully upset. The next morning, they got into an argument. Theo exclaimed: “Let’s cut our losses and go home! We can save up again to try this next year or something, but you’ve shattered our chances at survival on day one!” “Next year?! You hardly even wanted to explore this year! How much more time of your life will you throw away? How many more excuses will you make for staying put? Brother, we are fine! We still have some money.” Theo had always been proud of his ability to keep in brother in check, but it seemed like there was no convincing him this time. Arthur was determined to forge ahead despite only having enough money for the bare essentials that wouldn’t even last a week. During the argument, Arthur spat: “If you want to go back to mum and dad, then go! I’m not going to stop you!” “And leave you to die in some unknown cave?” Theo mumbled back, knowing that he couldn’t leave his brother in good conscience.

The brothers set off to the next closest town of Alryne after a light breakfast, expecting to arrive before sunset. The cheerful atmosphere of adventuring that Theo felt yesterday had been replaced with anxiety. Arthur put on a good face, trying to convince his brother that they would find some kind of riches along the way, or even women, but even his optimism was slightly faltering. Wanting to manifest his beliefs, Arthur insisted on a detour since he knew they had time to spare before arriving at Alryne. He dragged his increasingly pessimistic brother along for hours before finding an old, crumbling tower in the middle of a forest.

“Ah-ha!” Arthur exclaimed, “I knew there were treasures to be had! Look, brother! Think of all the ancient riches that could be hiding away in this building! This is what I’ve been talking about! There’s so much to find and explore!” Theo managed to crack a smile, praying that his brother was correct. The pair walked through the doorway that had already been broken into, finding nothing but an empty room with a staircase spiraling upwards. “The riches must be up there,” Arthur said with a wide grin. Upon arriving at the upper levels, Theo’s hopes were dashed. Every room was filled with desks, shelves, and other hidden compartments – all picked clean like a meatless skeleton.

Theo tried to contain his frustration as they walked back down the stairs, but his brother’s delusions were now made clear, and he had to let it out. “There’s nothing here! Nothing!” Theo yelled, stomping his foot to the floor. “Do you see now, brother! Your ideas of the grand adventurer are fantasy! Any riches that may have been waiting for us are already long gone!” Theo stomped the floor again, causing it noticeably buckle. Arthur admittedly felt embarrassed, but the shift in the floor reignited his hope.

“Wait, brother, do that again,” Arthur said, stomping the wooden floor beneath him to no avail. “I’ll damn well stomp as many times as I need to to get this through your head!” Theo replied with more stomps, making a seam between two parts of the floor clear to Arthur. “That could be… Brother, help me lift this!” Arthur shooed Theo away from his spot and looked for a good way to grip the slightly displaced flooring. The piece was larger than he would’ve thought, as it extended all the way to the wall a few meters away. “This is bloody heavy!” Arthur huffed through clenched teeth, unable to get a good grip until Theo pitched in. With a lot of effort, the brothers managed to overturn the large floorboard with a thud that shook the room, revealing another staircase into the underground.

“This is it! This must be where the treasures are!” Arthur exclaimed, skipping down the stairs. Theo followed with a furrowed brow, then eased up at the sight of the room downstairs. There were tables and shelves lined with old vials and equipment he’d never seen before. He plugged his nose at the stench of dried-up plants, dead rats, and other ingredients that surrounded a lot of the equipment, but was nevertheless excited for Arthur to have discovered this room.

Arthur came up to Theo with a bunch of glass and metal instruments in his arms. “How much do you think these will go for?” he asked giddily, then continued: “This place hasn’t been touched in years, or maybe even longer… And we’re the first to discover its history!!” “It’ll be hard to make back 320 pence with some rusty metal,” Theo smirked, then continued to look around. He noticed a large green stone on a pedestal at the back of the room, protected by a glass covering. As he drew closer, he could see a slight glow. “Hmm, now a rare mineral may actually fetch a good price,” Theo mumbled to himself while his brother gathered more things like a kid in a candy store. He hauled the heavy stone to the center of the room, then called Arthur for help.

“I think that if we can break into this stone,” Theo began, “we can figure out what kind of minerals are inside.” “So we just gotta break it, yeah?” Arthur replied. “Yes, well, carefully. I think. I’m no expert, but doesn’t this look like it’d be worth more than most other things in here? If we took it to an appraiser, they may charge extra to get to the minerals in the first place…I think. And it’s already cracked quite a bit, see here and there?” Theo pointed at the lines.

Arthur dropped his haul to examine the rock himself. “Minerals…like diamonds? Oh yes brother, this has to be it! We’ve struck gold on day two!” After a little more discussion, the brothers held the rock together and dropped it onto the floor with a loud thump. They repeated the process multiple times, increasingly chipping away at the rock’s exterior. “C’mon, show us the insides!” Arthur cheered, eventually taking the rock himself to slam on the floor. After a few slams, the rock burst like a bomb, releasing green haze and knocking the brothers onto the floor where they fell unconscious for an hour.

As Theo awakened, he slowly recalled what they were doing prior. “The…rock…the rock! Argh! What happened to that blasted thing? Did it really…explode?” he said to himself, scrambling back to the location of its impact. He found pieces of the rock, but it had lost its subtle glow, and there were no traces of valuable minerals inside. Theo sighed as Arthur awoke. “Theodoric, are you okay?” was the first thing Arthur asked, thinking of his brother before himself despite his pounding head. “I am. I think the rock may have burst, but it should be okay. The minerals must be deeper in. At this point, it’s probably wiser to take to an appraiser so that we don’t risk further damages.” “Atta boy!” Arthur exclaimed, slapping his brother’s shoulder.

The brothers were relieved to still see that the sun hadn’t set yet. As they emerged from the tower with loads of supplies, their horses looked at them with pause. “What’s that look about, Thor? It’s me!” Arthur said, securing his load to the side of his horse. “They probably don’t want to carry this much on top of your fat arse,” Theo laughed as he secured a lighter bag, then continued: “We should be reaching Alryne in a few hours. We’ll be traveling slower than expected and lost a lot of time, so it’ll likely be after sunset, but we should be fine. Tomorrow’s priority is finding an appraiser.”

Arthur and Theo set off and talked cheerfully for a good while, but Arthur grew quieter as time passed which was unlike him. Eventually, he let Theo take the lead and voluntarily trailed behind, not wanting to speak or be seen. I’m beginning to feel ill, he thought, but we’re almost to Alryne, and Theodoric is in good spirits. I probably just need a hot bath… Due to his lack of energy, Arthur was leaned in close to his horse’s mane and did not notice how the hair on his sweaty skin was beginning to fall out, including the short beard he wore with pride.

Around the same time, Theo also began to feel unwell, but wanted to press on strong as the rider in front, knowing that their daylight was limited. Similar to his brother, his skin became lined with sweat, and his body hair began falling out. He lightly flexed his fingers, toes, and jaw with repeated movements, feeling as if his bones were growing stiffer by the minute. “G-Gaahh,” he would mutter to himself as bones would shift and grind against one another, primarily around his joints, shoulder, and pelvis. He frequently stretched his arms and legs while still riding to alleviate the odd sensations, hoping that his brother wasn’t judging him from behind.

By the end of the hour, both brothers were fidgeting uncomfortably within their clothes. Both of their feet had shrunk, making it difficult to keep their boots on, and their shirts and pants were noticeably baggier. Gritting his teeth, Theo sat as tall as he could while periodically looking back to ensure that his brother was still following – he was too far behind to see clearly, but the silhouette of his horse was visible enough. Frustrated by his longer sleeves, he rolled them up and noticed that his forearms had become slimmer along with his fingers and hands. The sun sets soon, we have to make it… That is the priority right now, he thought, shaking his head.

Arthur wasn’t taking his illness as well as Theo. He was barely holding himself upright, enduring the plight of his changing skeleton as best he could. “Still a few more hours,” he mumbled under his breath just as he felt something different from within his body. His body leaned even more forward as he felt the small of back arch inward. “Hn-hnngghh-!” His grunts came through clenched teeth as his legs tightly held the sides of his horse. What started as soft fat filling out his shrunken thighs soon turned into an abundance of volume. Alongside a broadening pelvis, his lower body grew and morphed with large feminine proportions that threatened to tear his once-loose pants.

Arthur’s groaning grew louder, but Theo couldn’t hear him over their horses’ clops or over his own muttering. He tried to giddy his horse to go faster once he realized that his fingernails were elongating and darkening, but his horse remained at a slow pace, feeling Theo grow heavier before Theo himself noticed. As his upper arms became fuller with soft feminine fat, a faint crack emitted from within his chest. His breathing was heavy, and every step his horse took was met with a little bounce in his chest that grew more uncomfortable every minute. Veins pressed against his skin, and his nipples hardened, as his pecs swelled over the course of the next hour, eventually splitting into two distinct mounds.

Theodoric was periodically shocked into silence as he felt his chest grow and could simply not focus on anything else once the orbs of flesh became large enough to sag and flail around from riding on horseback. His skinny body continued to thicken beneath his chest with plump thighs that filled out his pants – although not nearly as much as Arthur’s – and a softer, less defined stomach that was accented with a pinched waist.

Unable to bear the afflictions any longer, Arthur stopped on the side of the road as the sun had almost set while Theodoric continued forward, oblivious to what was happening behind him. Arthur angrily threw some of his clothes off, almost ripping them beyond wearability in the process, to alleviate some of his cold sweat. “What is this…?” he spat when he felt longer and sharper nails poke into his body in the process. “My legs!” Arthur yelled after wriggling out of his pants, laying his eyes on two hairless thighs that were thicker than thick. He fell onto his weak knees, feeling his arms and face begin to twitch from some force within. He clutched the side of his face with one hand, feeling his jaw reshaping within his palm, while the other cupped his slimy shrinking genitals.

“No…! No!” Arthur could feel his manhood slipping away from his hand, diverting his attention from his changing skull. His stern nose flattened above a mouth that was growing sharper and more jagged teeth, and his bushy dirty blond eyebrows slimmed and darkened while his short hair began growing. Arthur noticed his voice changing as he mumbled to himself with fear and panic, but paid it no mind as he spread his legs further, trying to stop his dick and balls from retracting further. He also failed to notice his large biceps diminish after a crack in his shoulder blades shook his upper body, feminizing his whole upper frame with increasingly smoother skin.

After the sun had gone down, Theodoric also needed to stop at the side of the road. Looking back for the first time in a while, he wondered where Arthur was. Instead of worrying about him, he was relieved that his brother wouldn’t see him in this state for the moment. Theo’s calm and collected demeanor crumbled after painfully throwing his shirt and coat off. The ridiculously large breasts that hung from his body made him scream in terror and fall back onto his ass. A few pops emitted from within his pants as his slender legs continued to shrink and develop into limbs that would contribute to a shapely figure.

Through heavy breaths, Theo examined his bare arms and hands after getting a grip, noticing that they looked nothing like his own. They were weak, dainty, and even within the darkness, Theo could tell that their color was off. He fell all the way onto his back as sensations similar to Arthur’s crept into his face and neck. Is this where I die…? he thought as his rigid and baggy eyes were forcibly closed. He could feel every little shift of bone and muscle in his face as it reshaped beyond recognizability, but was numb to his hair darkening and growing down to shoulder length. The tips of his ears also grew to a long point, almost poking out like horns. He clutched his pounding head with one strong hand and yelled at the top of his lungs, his voice completely changing in the process.

Neither brother moved for a long awhile as the pains of their transformations faded away. They caught their breaths and attempted to assess what had happened in their own ways. They could barely see themselves in the pitch-black night, but felt their new flesh, proportions, and feminine assets with horror and uncertainty. Only the raw need for warmth and shelter was able to move them once a few too many breezes swept by. Unfortunately, both of their horses – who had excellent night vision – bolted at the sight and smell of them in fear, leaving them stranded in the woods near the path to Alryne.

“Theo!” “Arthur!” The brothers called out to each other as they hobbled in the directions they thought they were in. Both of them were equally disgusted at the sound of their distinctly husky and womanly voices. To their relief, they managed to find each other by the sounds of their names after some time, although they were hesitant to approach.

“Arthur, are you over there?” Theo called. He knew Arthur wouldn’t be able to see him, but he felt utterly helpless and embarrassed in his foreign body draped by clothes that were now far ill-fitting. “Theo, it’s me!” Arthur called back, “I’m walking in your direction…!” Arthur had similar reluctancies, but was more relieved to know his brother was alive. Arthur’s hair had grown long enough to tickle the small of his back as he awkwardly moved with his large swinging hips.

“I’m right in front of you, Arthur.” “I’m here, I’m here…is that really you, Theo?” Unable to see clearly, the pair slowly approached for an embrace, but the feeling of Theo’s massive bust pushing against Arthur’s modest breasts made them flinch and walk back. “I don’t…” Theo began. The pair muttered aimless thoughts to each other for a while, wondering what had happened to them and if they were going to be okay. As the night progressed and as they continued their small talk, the needs for sleep and warmth quickly approached. The brothers ended up huddling together on the ground within the forest, feeling each other’s smooth skin and shapely figures with tired mumbles and silent chuckles.

Once the sun rose, the sound of Arthur’s screaming at Theo woke him up, who then screamed equally loud at the sight of his brother. Both of them stood around 1.5 meters tall and were completely unrecognizable through their female faces, both of which were slightly tinted pale green with long ears, pointed teeth, and vaguely yellow eyes. From last night’s experience, they knew that their bodies carried feminine proportions, but seeing them in the flesh felt surreal, especially when Arthur’s ass and Theo’s tits were far larger than the other’s. Contrary to their lighter hair, they both now wore long and slightly wavy black hair at different lengths.

“Brother…” “Are we…” “We’re women?” “We’re…we look like goblins,” the pair spun their thoughts around in awe, unsure of what to say or do about any of this. After a long pause, Theo said: “Well, we could walk to Alryne from here before sunset, but-” “We have to find a way to fix this!” Arthur interrupted, “I cannot live as-as a creature! Look at us!” “Brother, c-calm down,” Theo said, “perhaps we can find someone in Alryne who knows about…but would we even be able to approach the town? What if we’re cast away as monsters? I’ve heard tales of woodland creatures before, but I didn’t think they’d exist-“ “What choices do we have, brother?!” Arthur yelled. “We have to get to Alryne and fix this, now!”

As the pair walked down the muddy path, struggling to keep their shoes on every few steps, Theo was quickly getting used to the weight of his new stride, while Arthur continued to complain about his appearance, his weight, and the loss of his manhood. “Like, it’s really just gone!” he would constantly state, feeling himself again as if it would come back at any moment. “I know, brother, I know.” Theo didn’t know how to calm him down or how to reassure him that everything would be okay this time, which began to upset him.

A guardsman approached the brothers when they were close to Alryne after several long hours of walking. Although he wanted to fend them off, the fact that they were wearing clothing and could speak coherently swayed the guard to let them in. Theo asked if any other creatures had come through Alryne and told the guard about their condition, hoping to find anyone who could offer a cure. To the brothers’ surprise, the guard stated that goblins did pass through town on rare occasions to drink and peddle wares, but were also under close supervision – the brothers were warned that any signs of aggression would result in death.

“So goblins are real,” Theo said to himself with a chuckle, “And they speak and drink like us. Isn’t that wild? I suppose you were right, brother. There really is a lot to discover in this world.” While Theo was becoming more and more fascinated, Arthur was scouring the town for the pub – not for a coveted drink, but for information from tapster. When Theo suggested that they purchase fitting clothing, Arthur stated that it would be a waste of money since they would surely be cured soon. The tapster led the brothers to both a practical doctor and a shaman. The doctor offered no help; only a perverted fascination in their bodies. As they recounted their tale to the shaman, the shaman theorized that the explosive green stone may have cursed them, which set Arthur’s next goal – finding their horses who carried all of their loot from the day prior.

Theo naturally agreed to help his brother, but only after the pair purchased small feminine cottes and shoes to wear, expending most of their little remaining money. Holding his breasts in both hands through the clothes, Theo said: “This certainly feels much better, doesn’t it, brother?” Arthur sighed and replied: “Yeah. I guess so. Let’s get moving, I don’t want to spend another night in this…this skin.” Despite their best efforts, the horses weren’t able to be found, and the sunset forced them to return to Alryne for food and shelter. Pinching pennies, they rented a single bed room.

The brothers found it difficult to sleep that night, especially with their large assets constantly pressing against the other while they tossed and turned. They tried sleeping on the floor, but didn’t have enough blankets or pillows to fend off the cold from the floorboards, making the bed their only option. Due to his smaller bust and longer hair, Arthur ended up being the bigger spoon to his brother despite being the same height. Throughout the night, his little hands intentionally and unintentionally held and brushed against Theo’s large breasts, giving him some sense of comfort and normalcy. Theo didn’t respond or swat Arthur’s hand away; rather, he reluctantly enjoyed it. His breathing became intermittently heavy, and unfamiliar sensations fermented between his legs.

The next day, Arthur continued to search for the horses while Theo remained in town desperately searching for work. He ended up selling a few strands of his hair to curious researchers and posed nude for hours for an artist who was eager to capture his first willing non-human subject. That evening, Arthur returned to town in an expectedly sour mood from being empty-handed, and even the news of Theo’s newly earned money did little to cheer him up. The pair ate a hearty dinner with ale at the tavern that night.

As the pair got into bed, Theo insisted on being the big spoon despite how uncomfortable his breasts were pressing into Arthur’s back. After a moment of silence, Theo spoke softly: “You know, maybe these forms aren’t as awful as you’re making them out to be.” Theo’s left hand glided down Arthur’s curves. “Of course they are,” Arthur pouted, “I am not a woman, I am not a-a creature… I’m supposed to be a m-maa-aan-” Arthur began to stutter as Theo’s hand slipped between his large thighs. “You needn’t be so rigid all the time, brother,” Theo practically whispered. “Maybe we’ll be cured one day, but if we are to remain like this for the rest of our lives, well…” “We can’t!” Arthur shouted, “How are we supposed to return to our family like this?! It’s unthinkable!” After another pause, Theo brought his hand up to Arthur’s breasts. “That’s something we can figure out in the future. But we must live in the present right now.”

Arthur and Theo continued lodging in Alryne for the week, taking on odd jobs around the large town while continuing to search for their lost horses and loot, losing hope that they’d find either. As they became more involved in town, they faced racism and sexism to extents they couldn’t have foreseen. Theo was adept at brushing it off most of the time, but passing comments continued to make Arthur angrier and more insecure about his body, leading him to be even more reliant on Theo to cheer him up. Although they never looked directly at each other as they slept together, they continued to lightly poke and fondle each other’s bodies. They knew it was wrong, but their soft skin and ample feminine assets brought a form of comfort that couldn’t be describe in words, especially when pressed up close in a single bed.

One night, as Theo was playing with Arthur’s long hair in bed, he said: “Why haven’t you cut your hair?” He wanted to address him as ‘brother’ or ‘Arthur’ as he usually did, but stopped himself that night; it just didn’t feel right anymore. Then, he continued: “This is awfully long for someone who wants to cling to their masculinity.” A moment of silence passed. Theo wanted it to come off as playful teasing, but was worried that he may have gone too far. The truth was that the thought simply never occurred to Arthur over everything else they’d been dealing with, but he thought of another reason that felt appropriate to say through a cracked voice: “It’s for you.” “For me?” Theo replied, dumbfounded. Arthur continued after clearing his throat: “Yes, well…I was under the impression that you enjoyed it, and you’ve done so much for me…throughout my whole life, but especially throughout the past couple weeks. Sometimes I feel like a burden. I always wanted to be the one to be relied on, and yet it seems like I’ve been relying on you for longer than I can remember. You’re always so…calm, so leveled. Sometimes I try to imitate it, but I just can’t. And now, even when your body is lost to the Devil, you carry on. You keep us safe and fed. And all I can do is try and catch up.”

Theo sniffed, feeling a tear well in his eye. He didn’t know how to reply, as such a heartfelt sentiment from Arthur was incredibly rare. With a trembling voice, Theo whispered as he caressed Arthur: “Oh Ansee…” After a pause, Arthur chuckled. “Ansee? What’s that?” Theo couldn’t help but giggle too. “Ansee is, well, it’s an elvish name. I’ve been trying to study the language of…goblins. Although the dialect between elves, goblins, and orcs are all very similar, I’m not too good at discerning specifics just yet.” “Oh so now you believe in orcs?” Arthur laughed. Theo replied with a smirk: “Could mistake you for one in the dark, you little scamp,” then gave Arthur’s ass a hard smack.

It took a few days for Ansee to get used to her new name. In turn, she decided to rename Theodoric to Thraba over a fresh meal and ale at the tavern. “To living in the present,” Ansee smiled, raising a glass with her sister. By now, both women had gotten used to presenting as the exotic females that they were around town and were eagerly making connections with townsfolk throughout their odd jobs, even though Ansee could still get moody about herself from time to time. Thraba had been looking into jewelry, only holding herself back due to the uncertainty of tomorrow’s funds, and Ansee had been taking even better care of her long lustrous hair, always wearing it down with pride.

On that same night, when Thraba had left to use the outhouse toilet, a group of men approached Ansee and demanded sexual favors, insisting that this was the luckiest day of her life while also ragging on her appearance. Ansee breathed and remained calm at first, but then several men got physical. Ansee called for help, but her sister was out of earshot. With her ass and breasts being groped and her limbs being constrained, she howled more fiercely than she knew she was capable of. The moment of the shock that the men experienced gave Ansee the chance to free one arm long enough to slash at the face of a man with her sharp nails.

Pandemonium broke out in the tavern. “Guards! Call the guards!” “This creature attacked us!” “It’s gone mad!” It took a lot of effort for Ansee to hold herself back from pursuing the other men. Once Thraba heard people screaming and running outside, she bolted back into the tavern and saw her sister’s bloody hand. There was no time for words, Thraba simply held the door open for Ansee to approach, then they ran as far away from the building as they could.

Once they found a quiet place, Ansee’s guilt came pouring out. “I-I didn’t mean to, I didn’t…want to, they just came out of nowhere and-” “It’s okay,” Thraba interrupted, “I know you wouldn’t do such a thing if you didn’t have to.” Thraba held her sister’s shoulder with one hand, and slowly brought her other to Ansee’s face as they gazes met. Just as their eyelids were fluttering, they heard a guard shout: “Monster spotted on Crescent Road! Seize them!” The sisters started running again, then a guard blindsided Ansee with a buckler from a hidden alley, knocking her to the ground.

Thraba snarled at the guard. For once, she didn’t think, she simply acted by tackling the guard to the ground before disfiguring his face with her nails. “Let’s go!” Ansee called, snapping Thraba out of her rage. The guards stopped chasing them once they had escaped the town’s borders. The sisters ran for miles before running out of breath and collapsing onto the ground. After a few long minutes, Ansee crawled onto her sister as she had nearly regained her composure by looking up at the stars.

Looking into each other’s eyes again, the sisters made a few quiet hums before Ansee closed her eyes and gave Thraba a passionate lip-locking kiss. They held each other tight and felt each other up and down. Ansee nibbled on her sister’s long ears while Thraba bounced Ansee’s hefty ass, soon moving in to subdue her with unbridled feminine joy, her fingers in between her legs. Throughout the starry night, they locked legs and rubbed cunts, licked and squeezed voluptuous breasts, and stuck their tongues wherever a wet opening would accept.

After a long night filled with more climaxes than either of them could remember, Ansee and Thraba awoke in the early afternoon, slowly recalling everything that had happened. They looked at each other and giggled like little girls, almost wanting to start again until they felt their stomachs rumble. Thraba pulled a map out of her cotte’s pouch, barely legible through all of its creases and folds. “The next town, Wimborne, isn’t too far off. We should be able to make it by foot before the day ends,” she said.

The sisters chatted about anything and everything as they walked under the beaming sun. Eventually, Ansee brought up what they had done last night, causing both of them to stop walking. Thraba approached her and held her shoulder. “This is who we are now, Ansee. Living in the present, remember? That doesn’t just mean living with these bodies, it means living with everything that makes us, us. And, well… I don’t care if it’s wrong. I liked it. And if you like it, we can keep doing it.” Ansee blushed as her sister pulled her in closer, squeaking out an embarrassed “Thank you.” After a pause, Thraba closed her eyes and went in for a quiet kiss, then said “We might not actually make it to Windborne by tonight…but I trust that you’ll keep me warm?” Ansee snorted as she giggled, brushing her hair back. “Of course, uhm, b-baby… Of course.”

-------------

A Patreon reward for Aezneth, thanks so much!! :D This medieval story features two brothers who set off on an adventure, running into some unexpected event that changes their lives forever. It also brings them closer together in ways they couldn't have foreseen...

This story was patron-exclusive for 28 days, and another new patron-exclusive caption has gone live - a classic M2F + Race Change caption.

If you enjoyed this story, check out another medieval-fantasy tale I spun over the course of a year, my longest story to date!

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#m2f #racechange #transformation #magic #fantasy creature #story #medieval/in the past

[v-anrouge]

Random Vil and Rook headcannons!

Vil is an animal person, he probably would enjoy owning a reptile to just kinda hang with, but if he could have all the time and energy, he would love a bird. But he knows they’re like toddlers for their entire lives.

Rook is an exotic lover, and would work at or even own a sanctuary. He loves deer the most because of how graceful they are.

Once a month, all of Pomfoire has a cheat day. Vil would love to partake but he’s such a perfectionist he still holds himself fairly high. He stares longingly at Epel’s apple pie every time.

Rook used to be apart of the Mountain Lovers Club, but after his first year he changed to Science club. He wishes he had enough time to do both.

Vil and his dad are SUPER close, a lot like Deuce and his mom or even Silver and Lilia to be honest. They talk almost every night, and both would kill for the other.

Rook has a big family, and kinda hates it. He loves his family as individuals, but everyone is highly competitive, and tend to have their masks on when in groups. He is closest with his elder sister Queenie.

When Vil was a kid, he would get stress migraines, so now he’s fairly strong about self care (especially after VDC, he realizes he kinda slipped then)

Rook loves photography because nature is always changing, and he wants to save every small moment. (Also his grandma probably was a big scrapbooker)

Vil’s dad fought hard to keep Vil out of the limelight until he was ten. Mainly cause Vil started to absolutely BEG to do movies like his dad.

Rook is secretly scared of the dark, but he always Carrie’s his bow and arrows so he feels prepared atleast

Vil used to have super long hair, like Jamil length, but it got caught during potions and he sobbed having to cut it short.

Rook also had long hair but viewed cutting it as a fresh start. He’s been trying ti keep up with its care since then and is quite proud of it now!

I HAD WITTEN SUCH A LONF RESPONSE FUCK YOOU TUMBKR BUR ANYWYAS BACK TO WORK

YES ABSOLUTELY i think he'd really like to have a couple of birds since he finds it cruel to have just one lonely bird but alas...no time

THIS THIS THIS idc what anyone has to say deers are rook's fav animals PERIOD

TOUFFH rook always noticing vil's hesitancy and taking him to heartslabyul so they can have a tea party with vil cater and trey :(((((((

THIS KE I LOVE IT KNOW IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IN TIMELINE WAY BUT YASDJURUURF

this is one is canon actually>:D he's ALWAYS smiling talking about his dad it's the sweetest thing😿

THIS HURTS SO MUCH PLEASE SOTP IN GONNA EDPLODE but aigu....rook going to his older sister's bedroom late at night...her answering him with a comforting smile and hugging him....she lets him stay the night because even though rook is grown she can't bear to see her little brother sad, especially knowing his issues

THIS THIS RHIS ALSO UM GUYS VIL WITH MIGRAINE GLASSES...

THIS JS SO REAL THIS IS CANON I LOVE THE HIM HES SO TALENTED AT IT TOO I HAVE A WHOLE ASS AU WHERE ROOK TURNS INOT AN ANONYMOUS FAMOUS PHOTOGRAPHER SND ARTIST TBSMKWKS

THIS AUGH THISJSJEJDJE he worked so hard and even then couldn't protect him :( he feels terrible but vil would never blame him and is constantly reassuring him , especially when vil tells him he overblotted

THIS IS SO CUTE😭😭 AND IT MAKES SO KUCH SWNSE BECAUSE HE'S SCARED OF BEING VULNERABLE SFUUGUF... imagine the lights going out suddenly and rook is just startled but you take his hands and squeezes them softly, gently coaxing him into laying back down again...

YES THIS HTTIDUDUDUDUD

AND THIS ONE FOO THOSE ARE CANONNNNN I NEED TO SEE TJEM IN THEIR FIRSY YEARRRRRRR AND THIS NEEDS TO BE IT

SEEINF SUCH A LONF AK MADE ME SO HAPPY THSNK YOUUU

#✎ ⇣‧₊˚ 【asks #ৎ୭ ⇣‧₊˚ 【stinks #♡ᭂ ⇣‧₊˚ 【 reblogger

[reides]

for reides — 5, 6, 7, 8, 11! :3

hi hihihihih bwee hi :3c

5. is there something they want to be known for? this is such a fun thing to think about!! reides is in a quite a position with this because he like... knew that he was going to be 'known' and has for virtually all of his life, thanks to his status as a laverathian royal. like it just comes along with the bloodline. and, of course, the circumstances surrounding his hatching-day (hehe) during that terrible storm practically thrust a mantle on his shoulders in addition to his princely status. he was a symbol of hope for laverathia whether he liked it or not. and for a loooong time he really resented that and would have preferred to just... drift away into obscurity lol.

but over the course of his journey, that's definitely changed a whole lot... especially after learning that his homeland was in danger and feeling an intrinsic pull back towards it to act as one of its protectors. playing a crucial role in all of that really like... helped him understand where the more duty-oriented members of his family (cough viglis cough) were always coming from. though reides sought to reject his blood for a good while, he's realized how important it is for a whole lot of people. and he's also realized that he's actually very proud of it, too. so if he's going to be known for something - if his story is going to be told in dramatized records or as a little footnote in a history book - he wants to be known for something good. however, he still wants to be himself and earn people's respect rather than, like, exist as an abstract symbol of anything. so he's trying his utmost to honor his duty to laverathia AS WELL AS his duty to his own individuality by trying his utmost to embrace his identity as the storm prince. he wants it to be a title that most people say out of admiration rather than it being based in an insult. yes, chaos has a tendency to follow him; yes, he tends to bring change - but these things can be forces of good, and he wants people to know that!

of course, this also ties into his new role as laverathia's ambassador. he wants to show the surfacers just what the people of the depths are capable of; he wants to serve as a bridge between those two worlds that he loves so very much and be worthy of a role that he fought so hard to attain. :) SO QUITE A LOT IS GOING ON OVER HERE!!!! but tbh once he isn't known as a massive disappointment to his friends and family, reides is pleased :-)

6. how have they changed in the last year? how about the last five years? answered here! :3c my babyboy who is a grown adult has grown up so much. LDKDFKGDF

7. there’s a magic item (or technological innovation, or special resource) made just for them—what is it? i can't even say i answered this here bc i honestly still have NO IDEA LMAO but i still really think it should serve as some sort of... land and sea link. i continue to have no idea whatsoever on what it is beyond that feeling but it's the thing that comes to mind, you know? maybe reides can talk into a shell and something fun happens. maybe he should get a magic conch shell like spongebob. technically his arcane focus is already this but i am just spitballing here LDFKSLGKDSG

8. what songs remind you of them? if there are specific lyrics or movements, list ‘em! OHOHOHO. OHOHOHOHO YOU KNOW I LOVE THIS *RUBBING MY HANDS TOGETHER. as you know i have a whole playlist dedicated to songs that remind me of reides. i will shout out five (5) special songs here heheheohoho

chasing kites by iamamiwhoami: over the ocean outcast with nowhere to go a brighter forecast, new winds will blow a storm is drawing near it calms and the air is clear waste my youth chasing kites i know will blow out of my hands

free by florence + the machine: i'm always running from something i push it back, but it keeps on coming and being clever never got me very far because it's all in my head "you're too sensitive," they said i said, "okay, but let's discuss this at the hospital"

the colorful stabwound by múm: some people smile with all their teeth some teeth will ache with every smile i've done some things you won't believe i've stabbed and scratched and spewed my bile

the thunder answered back by gabby's world: i screamed out, "how'd it get this bad?" and the thunder answered back if you know not what you lack then you must un-turn your back your inside is overcast you are tethered to your past and it must feel like fucking hell to be a patchwork of yourself a bunch of scraps thrown and sewn around your bones and though you're alone, it's holding you too tightly but who are you? from where do you come? what do you believe in? and who do you love?

hope by daughter: go back to where you held armour against your skin don't sink, just swim towards the storm and once again you'll be reborn, reborn, reborn 11: if they have a pet or animal companion, how do they spend time with them? if they don’t have one, what sort of animal would they be interested in raising, if any? OUR DEAREST, SWEETEST BABY OWL FAMILIAR... PEPEGA!!!!!! oh reides loves her so much. like so, so much. he loves accessorizing her with little things - right now she wears a red ribbon with a tiny shell from aquos affixed to it. super cute. (NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, IT WOULD BE GREAT IF AN INVENTION EXISTED TO LET PEPEGA HAVE FUN IN LAVERATHIA. ok that's my answer to #7 now. LMFAOSDLFCKDSG) but other than that he really likes stroking her feathers and hugging her. he takes very good care of her and reads to her very often, too. sometimes he tries feeding her but she doesn't like that too much (fae moment). but she DID love to eat the special magical apple that briar gave her, once!!! (and he said that miré played a hand in conjuring it up so thank you to your baby.)

💌 sixty-nine questions for your ttrpg characters!

#TY SO MUCH BREE!!!!!!! YAY #i will answer the other ones soon too :3 so happy #replies #sangre #reides

[8aji]

Do you any books recommendation??⁉️

OKAY SO !! i gotta start by saying that i havent read many books and thats one of the reasons i didnt respond to this ask aside from me taking a break i was a lil embarrassed ngl BUT my response is finally here and i hope you enjoy my rant/rec list !!

all quiet on the western front - erich maria remarque

when i tell you this book destroyed the view i had of life and then built it back again...im not exaggerating. its so beautifully written, and the characterization is wonderful. the narration felt very personal to me, like the story was a little secret between me and paul (the main character), and i don't think it was bc it was written in 1st person pov. ofc im sure it influenced my perception of the story, but the language that was used and constant contradictions and the way paul would go on long, eloquently put together, tangents about his thoughts and emotions and opinions to then disregard everything he said with a sudden wave of doubt and hopelessness — i think it made him very human. i felt very connected to his character, and i do think it was bc i had grown fond of the version i saw of him in the 2022 film (which has nothing on the book, can't even compare em really), the already preexisting feeling was only amplified by the narration and the intricate sentences AND AND i saw my own writing be reflected on the book — for instance, i noticed there were very long long sentences, which is something i rlly like doing. all in all, it showcases the ww1 soldier experience very crudely, in a very beautifully sad way; you can feel remarque's pain and anger in every sentence — his opinion about the war and its futility are very clear, and it honestly makes the book a 100 times better. though i do think my opinion is VERY biased when it comes to this book so please do take it with a grain or a spoonful really of salt

everything i never told you - celeste ng

i read this book a while ago, but even so it remains as one of my top 3 i dont read a lot bear with me TT the book has a very catchy opening line, which instantly had me hooked — it narrates the story of a mixed-race, chinese-american family in the 70s and how they navigate the disappearance of their daughter. i think the book does an amazing job at juggling multiple povs without neglecting any character. it develops each individual storyline very well and the way it delves into the internal conflicts and psyche of each character is just 10/10

little fires everywhere - celeste ng

i gotta be honest, this book didnt "hook" me as much as the other two did, but i still think it was very good and definitely worth a read. i think celeste ng has the tendency to start her books very actively? what i mean with this is that she opens up the story with a very shocking fact or occurrence (?) and then ties everything back to the beginning — almost as if she started writing the story backwards. i think that's really cool, bc even though we as the reader know the "climatic" event, we dont exactly know what happened and are left at the edge of our seats wondering what exactly went down for this to happen, ya know?

the metamorphosis - franz kafka

now, this is also me being biased bc i have the biggest and greatest, most softest spot for kafka and this book. in short, and i mean in very short, the story's about a man who suddenly turns into a bug — the beauty of simplicity in summaries. i read it when i was 16 in literature class and i was absolutely smitten with the story the main character...i really wanted to fix him, kay?? at the time i wasn't at my bestest in terms of mental stability, so im sure that influenced my love and understanding for the book, but analysing it in class and delving into the context behind the book and the author, and interpreting it from my own pov just sigh it was so good.

like water for chocolate - laura esquivel

FUCK i can't express how fun this book is. its a romance book, and also a perfect example of magical realism. AND IT DOES IT THROUGH FOOD !! tita (the main character) has a very deep bond with cooking, and because of this, the food she makes is a direct reflection of the emotional state she was in while she did so — cook the food that is. and, if im not mistaken bc i also read this book when i was 16, each chapter starts with the recipe that tita will prepare — i loved that detailed so much because i love cooking as well, tho i prefer baking. and though it is technically a tragic-romance novel, it is very lighthearted (and i mean this in the bestest way possible) and very funny imo. i would recommend it to anyone in the blink of an eye.

#one (1) new message 💌 #always yours; anon. #again #im so so sorry for taking so long to respond #this ask meant a lot to me #i went over my response multiple times in my head bc i was very excited to answer but i was also a little burned out #thank you for giving me the chance to share some of the books i love :D #if you ever read any of these be sure to let me know !! #id love to know your thoughts

[imbricare]

Read this first - analysis of Harry's Gryffindor and Slytherin traits under the cut for length!

Okay, let's start with Slytherin because it's going to be shorter asdhfdla

All quotes taken from the results of this house quiz which you can read in full in the post I linked to in the first sentence.

Slytherin traits

They have specific people that are Theirs, and their circle of Actual Trust may be rather small, even if their friend/associates/resources group is a wide network.

We see this with Harry, Ron and Hermione who form their tight-knit group, sharing secrets, going on an archetypal quest together, and trusting each other in a way they do not with others. In HBP, even Ginny is excluded from their group when they talk about their in-group knowledge.

Slytherins are tied to wanting, craving [...] Slytherins are a house made up of people who want something or someone or some goal desperately or are made up of a myriad of little wants

Harry and the Mirror of Erised. Harry's longing for community, love, affection, a family. The joy he feels when he is at Hogwarts and he knows that he finally belongs.

you can be exactly who you want to be, if you just give yourself permission. Who would you be in a dark room without any mirrors?

This ties in so well with how Gryffindors can be performative, and how after the war, Harry needs to learn to disengage and separate himself from who he is in relation to Voldemort, Dumbledore, and the public persona / expectations that the Wizarding World has of him … and learn who he has grown into and what he wants himself to be

Gryffindor traits

Gryffindors are very solid with their identity [...] However, Gryffs can be performative

Harry is such a beautiful case of identity complication because he does have a strong, solid sense of identity which is rooted in his clear moral compass – his survival and coping mechanism in an environment (the Dursleys) where he is left to fend for himself, where he is alone, where he needs to develop a strong sense of self because there was no one to reflect his personality back to him in a healthy way.

Gryffindors believe in innate worth

The black-and-white thinking of his youth is something he grows out of; not just thanks to Sirius' lesson that "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters", but also because of the complexities of how people act in and are changed by a traumatising event, e.g. the war (or single, smaller events) … very applicable to certain post-war dynamics I'd love to explore, e.g. Harry & Draco

external […] change maker

He could have just run way from the expectations and responsibilities placed in him - or buckled under them - but he is motivated by the genuine belief that an individual's actions can generate true change for the world, which makes it a person's civic duty to step up and do their bit. Since he longs for community, he is also very community-driven and aware of the need, for individuals, to contribute to the whole.

a lot of Gryffindors struggle with feeling that they aren’t doing Enough, not Enough good, not Enough love. That the failures of the world are in part because they haven’t done enough to help personally).

This reads almost like the flip side to the above in that Harry has the weakness that he can run himself dry if he doesn't watch himself / take care of himself. The danger here is that with his lofty and idealistic values, he might lose sight of the fact that there will always be something in society that can be improved. He needs to learn to set boundaries for himself.

they need to be loved, they need to help.

this is magnified by his toxic and love-starved upbringing, but at his core, Harry will always be affectionate + feel the need to be loved in return. He just really likes to feel connected to people. Again…. that community thing.

they create and change the world around them FOR the world around them, and so the world can look at them and say “okay, you did it, its okay now.” In this way, they are closest to slytherins, seeking validation

This ties in to a lot of the above, but also - the Slytherin-like need for validation is something I think we see in the way that Harry seeks Sirius' approval, praise and validation, for example; and Dumbledore's, too, I think? He was so stung and hurt by the idea (in OotP) that Dumbledore didn't trust him enough / thought him too young to share more information with him, which I think ties in with this idea of Harry needing validation here

Again, this is something that is exacerbated by his upbringing because he was also very much starved of (positive) validation.

They do good, or they try to, based on how they have defined it for themselves.

The "strong moral compass" thing again - defined by and for himself because it was either that or emulate the Dursleys as he was growing up.

They will care for you with all of them, if you earn it. They will hold you.

Harry has so much love to give, and he has such a big heart. He must have, to sacrifice himself for others in the way(s) he does. And I think this is something that the Weasleys bring out in him and nurture in him, and he loves them even more for it - they're his adopted family and he just sinks into that feeling with so much enthusiasm. (Also, bear hug Harry.)

From your friendly neighborhood Hufflepuff, sometimes doing what you need to take care and save yourself is the best thing for the world

This is truly the advice he needs

(All quotes taken from this quiz & can be read in full in this post.)

#HARRY / HC.

[eugeniedanglars]

now i’m thinking about how one of the things i appreciate most about ofmd is that even though the overall plot of the show is a gay romance, the characters’ individual arcs would still work if they were cishet—but they work better because they’re not.

like, let’s look at stede’s arc: he’s been told his whole life that he’s weak, unmanly, cowardly, pathetic. he’s unhappy in his arranged marriage, bored by domestic life, and decides to prove his mettle and search for adventure and fulfillment by becoming a pirate. even as a pirate, however, he struggles to escape the perception of himself as ineffectual and unmasculine, and he is plagued by guilt over abandoning his family. through his friendship with blackbeard and his gradual earning of the respect and love of his crew, stede learns to be more decisive, brave, and confident, but also that he needs to hold himself accountable for the way his choices impact the people around him. this ultimately spurs him to return home and try to make amends with his family, but the way both he and mary have grown in their time apart means there is no longer a place for stede in the society he left. stede’s newfound decisiveness and accountability help him accept that he can’t stay, and instead of secretly running away in the middle of the night again, he says goodbye properly and ensures everything is taken care of for his family before returning to the sea, having finally gotten the closure he needed in order to fully commit to his new life.

all of that would work if stede was straight! the closest his sexuality and his romance with ed comes to being a direct plot point in his individual character growth is when it motivates him to return to piracy at the end of the season, but his and mary’s mutual unhappiness is a strong enough motivator on its own that his decision to leave would make sense even without the ed/stede romance. (your wife wanting you gone so badly she tries to kill you with a skewer is a great reason to skip town.)

but the fact that stede isn’t straight makes it all resonate so much more. stede being tormented by his father and nigel for not being “tough” or “manly” enough isn’t just about the pain of toxic masculinity, but also the trauma of growing up visibly Other, being targeted for differences that you not only can’t control but don’t even understand about yourself until later. stede wasn’t just bullied, he was clocked, and it makes it that much more compelling to watch him become more confident without losing the traits that made him clockable in the first place. or take his whole midlife crisis about being bored with his life and finding happiness as a pirate—it would be so easy to tell that story with a straight man, but it wouldn’t have the same oomph. (if anything, it would risk sending a gross “men aren’t made to be tied down to a wife and kids” type message.) stede’s objectively shitty action of abandoning his family is a lot more sympathetic, creates a richer character, and just plain makes more sense when the reason for his “discomfort in a married state” is that he’s gay. the happiness and freedom he finds in piracy coming from him finally getting to explore who he is, be around other lgbt people, and fall in love for the first time is much more meaningful than if the only thing he was free of was the responsibilities of having a wife and kids.

and it’s not just stede! even if he and stede were just platonic or if he had a heterosexual romance, ed could still experience the stifling pressure of being asked to perform a toxic persona because no one ever sees the real ed underneath, the joy and terror of being vulnerable with another person who finally understands him, and the pain when that vulnerability and real self is seemingly what drives the other person away—but god, those themes of being forced to be someone you don’t want to be but getting punished when you try to be anything else hit so much harder when framed through the lens of a gay romance.

i really think this is a huge part of what makes ofmd work so well. i’ve mentioned this before, but i love how the show strikes a balance where characters’ identities aren’t their defining characteristic, but they aren’t an afterthought either, and i think that balance is largely thanks to how the character arcs are handled separately from the larger plot. i know david jenkins has talked about wanting to sidestep the whole coming-out story plot, but a lot of stories that try to avoid a coming-out plot end up overcorrecting and creating lgbt characters whose identities feel completely incidental and not like an authentic part of the character’s lived experience. ofmd doesn’t do that: its characters are complex, interesting people who happen to be lgbt and have bigger things going on in their lives/storylines besides their identities, but those identities still inform who they are, how they relate to other people, and how they navigate the world.

#our flag means death #there's also a point to be made about how ofmd kinda treats coming out as something that's none of the audience's fucking business #like it's clear to us that stede is going through some amount of self-discovery re: his sexuality #but his exact thought process and level of awareness is left pretty ambiguous because we're only told as much as we need to know #and jim being nonbinary is treated the same way. we know what we need to know and the rest is just jim's business #but all of that is kinda tangential and also this post is long enough as it is #i just spent like 2 hours writing this instead of watching lecture recordings. girl help

[merakiui]

Idk why but the idea of yan!Childe having a childhood friend he adores and swore to marry when they’re older is so weirdly interesting to me. Does she know he’s a harbinger? Is she upset, proud, or afraid of him now? Does she plan to keep the promise or does she have her eye on another man? How much does Childe’s family like her and vice versa? Is she a civilian, adventurer, or a merchant? Is she part of the fatui or not? Idk its just fun to me.

I think it’s interesting, too! Imagine how innocent it seems at first: just two kids daydreaming about their future together. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s all in good fun and such words are bound to lose their weight over time as both individuals mature. But all of those plans left quite an impact on the young Childe. He was genuinely happy to hear that you’d want to marry him and one day start a family with him.

It’s a dream he holds close, so much so that it gives him the strength he needs in order to survive in the Abyss.

Things are definitely different now that the both of you have grown up. You’re distant and not as close as you once were; it doesn’t feel like he has a connection to you anymore. However Childe doesn’t particularly mind if you know about his job as a Harbinger and his ties to the Fatui. It’s not like he was trying all that hard to keep it a secret. But if that were to push you away even more it would definitely bother him. You were so close as children! Why did everything change? Was it because he fell into the Abyss and was no longer the boy you’d planned on marrying?

Childe isn’t too worried about the answers to those questions. He’s got more than enough influence and resources to ensure that that childish dream becomes a reality. He’ll talk it over with you, of course, and as his childhood friend who made that pinky promise with him all those years ago you’ll surely say yes. He’s got everything you could want and more. Why wouldn’t you say yes?

And if you can’t because something’s preventing you—a lover, a crush, or even the fact that you might not have an interest in him anymore—he’ll deal with it. Whatever it is—whoever it is—he’ll make sure that this dream comes to fruition. After all, you promised him, and you of all people should know what happens when you break a pinky promise.

#chit chat #yandere childe #yandere childe x reader #yandere genshin impact #i feel like i could really do something with this concept #meraki faves

[rexscanonwife]

Two Faced Lovers

Hey y’all time to hit ya with another fic that’s been knockin around in my head for a little while! x’3 This one is actually gonna be like, two chapters instead of a one-shot so there’s that to look forward to ajghk. I really wanted to write some spicy conflict and show how the accident in the lab negatively affects me and Norman’s relationship, so here ya go! Content warning for possesiveness, jealousy, and aggressive behavior in case anyone needs them! 

~~~

Brie’s fingers tapped nervously on the dark wooden cafe table at which she sat, the dull but insistent sound adding to the cacophony of typical cafe noises flooding her senses. She tried to focus on each one; cups clinking against their saucers, the humming of the dishwasher in the kitchen, the harsh shriek of the milk being scalded, the dozens of individual conversations taking place blending together into a droning and incomprehensible wave of noise, all tied together with the soft indie pop music playing over the speakers. 

It did nothing to ease her mind, anxiety continuing to swell in her chest until she felt like she needed to scream or burst, perhaps both. Soon her foot began to tap too, the soft rubber sole of her boot sticking slightly to the old floor tiles. Her eyes kept darting between the door and her cup, half emptied of its contents, the liquid definitely not helping her nerves.

He was running a bit late, so she had decided to get a drink while she waited. Not the smartest move when she was already on edge, but not an uncommon mistake on her part.

The light jingle of the bell snapped her attention back to the door, and she looked up. He was here, but why didn’t that make her feel any better? 

“Sorry I’m late, I ran into a little bit of a traffic jam so I got held up!” he said, taking off his coat and sitting himself down on the opposite side of the table. 

Despite her nervousness, she offered him a kind smile, “Don’t worry about it! But, why would you need to take a cab? Your house is still just a few blocks down the way isn't it…Peter?” 

His eyes went wide and he was silent for a moment, as though he’d forgotten that very basic detail of his own life. He chuckled nervously, “Uh, that’s right. Actually, it was more like a traffic accident, they had to close off my usual route so it took me a little longer to get here!” he stumbled over himself. She hadn’t heard any sirens or noticed any other sign of an accident, but before she could question him further about it he started up again. 

“I sure was surprised that you called me though, Brie! I don’t even think my voice had dropped yet last time I saw you.” 

She smiled again, the soft warmth of nostalgia starting to ease her mind. "I know, you've gotten so tall! And I'm pretty sure you used to have glasses, huh." 

Peter Parker, little Petey. When she was in her teens, she'd made a little extra money for her family by babysitting him, and had thought of him as an honorary member himself. Which was what made it so hard once she actually got her internship at Oscorp, and had less and less time to spend with him. It made her feel guilty for spending this time with him now, for asking to see him only when she needed this favor. 

"I know...I'm sorry its been so long, Pete." She started, "I hate to ask you to come here so suddenly, but you know I wouldn't do it if it wasn't important." 

He smiled back at her, the dimple in his chin deepening charmingly the way it always did. The feature of his having gotten him out of trouble during several instances throughout his childhood. "Don't worry about it at all, its the least I can do for the girl who cut the crusts off my sandwiches all those times, anyway!" He said, half jokingly. 

She laughed, it had been so long since she'd last seen him, and he had grown up so much. There was just too much to say and to explain. If there had been time, she would have loved to tell him everything, to hear about all he had gone through in the years they'd spend going about their own lives. Unfortunately though, there wasn't. 

Fiddling with her hands, twisting the golden band around her right ring finger, she brought her attention right back to why she called Peter here today. He noticed this, and his eyes lit up inquisitively. 

"So, when did that happen?" He asked, knowing, at least, the who but not the how. After all, the gossip in New York city was insidious, and he worked for one of the biggest purveyors of it in the whole state. Not only that, but the very minute Harry woke up long enough to notice that his dad had started dating someone, Peter was the first to hear of it. 

Brie’s smiled warmly, recalling the memory. When she had met Norman Osborn, she was beginning her internship, and could never have guessed in a million years that it would eventually lead to this. 

"Almost a year ago now, actually. And that's sort of why I asked to see you, Peter. Norman has...changed.” she said, quietly. 

“Changed?” he repeated, “Are you sure you needed me? I mean, I’m pretty sure they make pills for that.” his quipped, but upon seeing her grim expression, he realized that this wasn’t the time to be joking. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. When did you...notice it?” 

“I guess it would have to be...” she began. 

She had first noticed it the morning she'd woken up to find her husband passed out on the floor in his at-home office. 

No, something was off even before then. The same night he was told that their funding would be pulled unless he produced results for his new super-soldier program, and he didn't come home. They were supposed to work on fine-tuning the performance enhancers together, but it wasn't exactly uncommon for him to do extra work by himself and to stay out late. Despite being just as much of a team at work as they were in their marriage, she supposed you just couldn't reason with geniuses. 

Even then, she had always woken up with him next to her, able to greet him with a morning kiss and start the day off right. Not this time, though. When she was able to raise him off the floor, a thin sheet of sweat coating his forehead as though he'd just woken up from a nightmare, it was only bad news from there. 

However, this didn't seem to phase him. In fact, after getting over the initial shock of the loss of Dr. Stromm and the robbery at Oscorp, he seemed better than ever!

After breakfast he put on one of his handsomest suits, and though she didn't dress in anything particularly special, he looked at her like she was brighter than the sun in the sky. 

Walking up to her, he took her hand and spun her around so that her skirt flared gracefully around her hips before pulling her in close. He pressed one hand against her waist, while the other tilted her head up to meet him for a kiss. His lips were hot, and a bit chapped. 

"You are a vision, my love." He whispered, barely audible and for her ears only. 

Her head still spinning from this display of passion, she giggled at him playfully. "Norman Osborn, what's gotten into you?" She asked. To which he simply smiled, and for a split second the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. 

In her husband's face, there was a smile that she didn't recognize. A trick of the light, or of her half-asleep mind? 

"I don't know how to explain it, darling. I simply feel like...a new man!" 

And it was fun at first. 

When Brie met Norman he was kind, thoughtful, and intelligent, but he didn't exactly have the presence of the powerful owner and founder of Oscorp. In contrast to how his reputation might precede him, he seemed to struggle in assuming an air of confidence, especially around his superiors. 

And when they started working together, growing closer, she noticed him getting better. Little by little, the way he carried himself and the way he spoke began to change, and she liked to believe that she’d had a hand in that! 

But ever since that day, it was like a switch had been flipped! Suddenly he was able to command the room whenever he walked in, his nervousness and self-doubt gone completely. Not only that, but he began surprising her regularly with lavish gifts and fancy dates! 

He had never needed to do these things in order to win her over, in fact it almost seemed like too much. But seeing the confident sparkle in his eye when he was toting her around on his arm, seeing that he seemed happier made her happy too. So she elected to ignore that unfamiliar grin he wore. 

Then, suddenly it wasn't so fun anymore. He'd become more confident, sure, but also more irritable. Even aggressive at times. He never used to yell at his employees before, but now anytime someone made a mistake he went out of his way to scream belittling things at them until it was corrected. Maybe they hadn’t respected him as much as they should have before, but now they feared him, walking on eggshells and obsessing over every detail to ensure no mistakes are made again.

Ok, maybe he was just under a lot of stress, she reasoned to herself. Trying to get ahead of Quest Aerospace was always on the back of his mind, and a genuine source of worry for him, she knew this. In response, she tried to be extra attentive to him at home, hoping that if he was well taken care of then he'd be a bit less high-strung at work. 

For a little bit it worked, but it didn’t last. Soon enough it seemed like those problems only followed them home. Norman hadn’t been particularly jealous before, maybe a bit wary because their relationship was bound to come under scrutiny due to her being his employee and so much younger than him. He never felt like he might lose her, though. At least, she tried not to give him any reason to, reminding him of how happy she was as often as possible! 

One night, when he had brought her to some new, exclusive club, she didn't exactly mind it when he slipped his arm around her waist to pull her up against his side when there were too many men in the room. It made her feel special, important, even. They still went about their night, Norman shooting a dangerous glare once in a while when someone came too close. It was no secret that she wasn’t used to the high society crowd in the slightest, but if Norman was going to start taking her to places like this then she might as well be making him look good! So at first she avoided speaking too much, fearful they’d sense that she wasn’t one of them, but soon she felt herself coming out of her shell. 

She found that the bourgeoise were easy to charm! And she did so, listening to them talk about themselves, learning how to say what they wanted to hear, and telling them jokes, letting their laughter fill the room. 

Suddenly, she felt herself being jerked roughly to one side. Norman’s hand an iron grip around her wrist, pulling her along and parting the crowd easily as he made for the exit. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, but he kept his eyes forward, not stopping until they stepped out of the door and into the frigid December air. “Norman, what’s going on?” she asked, more firmly this time. 

This time, he did look at her, and it froze her to the spot and chilled her blood even more than the bitter cold surrounding them. He didn’t look like himself anymore, something about the shadows on his face giving him a frightening appearance. What’s more was there seemed to be a sort of glow behind his eyes. It pierced her heart like daggers, his hand around her wrist like a vice squeezing even tighter. 

“We had to get out of there, I don’t like the way those men were looking at you!” he snapped, even his voice sounding different. It was harsher, more gravelly, and seemed to come from deep within. 

“What? Norman, they were just being nice, I thought you’d want me to be friendly with them-” she started, but was cut off as he yanked her closer to him now. Close enough to feel his breath, and to see how sweaty he’d become despite the snow that was beginning to fall to the ground.

“No, not that friendly, not with them!” he snarled, “You don’t know anything about this world, about what kind of horrible things men like that will do if you give them the chance! They’re like sharks sniffing around for even a drop of blood, you can’t let your guard down around them!” 

Brie’s heart was racing in her chest, she’d never heard him speak like this in all the years she’d known him. There was pure venom dripping from every word, and she struggled to keep her voice steady as she tried to wiggle out of his grip. 

“Norman, you’re hurting me!” she said, and the shadows on his face lessened, as if whatever darkness that covered him was starting to pass. He let go, turning away from her, and ran both of his hands through his hair slowly before letting out a deep sigh. 

“We’re not coming back here, or to any place like this again. I have to protect you, I’m the only one that can protect you.” He stated, seeming to be talking more to himself than to her, getting stuck in his own head. These days, it was getting harder and harder to tell just what he was thinking, but it was clear that whatever was going through his head now was hurting him. 

“Norman…” she said simply, softly. Taking ginger steps towards him, before wrapping her arms around his middle and squeezing him gently. His hand came up to rest on top of hers where they linked, and nuzzling her cheek against his shoulder, she could feel the heat of his body even through the layers of clothes he wore. They stood like that for a moment, letting the soft snowflakes fall onto their heads and stick to their hair and eyelashes. 

He turned to look at her again, and she breathed a sigh of relief to see that his face was no longer harsh and shadowed. He looked guilty, almost scared, but he looked like her husband again. Reaching up to cup his cheeks in her hands she placed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

"Let's just...call Charles and get home, ok love?" She said, running her thumbs over his prominent cheekbones. He nodded, and they waited in the cold, his arm around her shoulder pressing her flush against him until the driver arrived. 

Peter listened to all of this, gripping his cup nervously the more he heard. 

"He hasn't spoken to me like that again, but it still doesn't stop there," Brie continued, "sometimes I hear him all alone in his office just...laughing to himself, and it just doesn't sound like him. Not to mention he's been coming home late almost every night covered in bruises and cuts!" 

Peter nodded slowly, knowingly "And...you have no idea what could be causing this?" 

Brie’s eyes darted to her cup, now empty. "No. I don't. The one thing I do know is that it had something to do with the performance enhancers. He didn't come home with me that night, and he'd mentioned human trials to the General, but I didn't think that he would-" 

Brie stopped short as her voice began to break, not wanting to cry about this in front of him. A warm but calloused hand wrapped around her clenched fist, and squeezed gently. She looked up to meet his soft expression, and sighed, composing herself.

"He won't tell me anything. Every time I ask he insists he's fine which tells me that he's not, and I don't want to upset him again." That she was scared of upsetting him felt more accurate "That's why I called you, Peter."

"Why me?" He asked, although he was flattered, and more than willing to help. Something about the way she spoke of this sort of alter ego rubbed him the wrong way, his heightened senses telling him that it may have more to do with him than she thought. 

"Because other than him, you're the smartest person I know!" She replied, simply, getting a bashful chuckle out of him. "And I know we're both familiar with his research so maybe if we work together we can do something! I know you must be busy with school and finding a job and everything, so I'd be happy to pay you-" 

He shook his head, cutting her off. "Don't worry about it, Brie! Growing up you were my only friend other than Harry. If I can help you with this, I will, no questions asked!" 

Brie felt herself getting choked up again, tears threatening at her eyes. Only this time, they were tears of happiness, of relief. She chuckled shakily, "When did you get so mature, Pete?" 

After the bill was paid and they'd both finished up their drinks, Brie took note of the time and proclaimed she'd been away too long. She hadn't told Norman about meeting up with Peter today since he might have wanted to tag along, and she still needed to run some errands. These days Norman got nervous when she wasn't home after a certain amount of time. Standing outside the cafe, waiting for a cab, Peter waited with her patiently. 

"I honestly can't thank you enough, Peter. Really, it means everything to me!" She said, voice raised slightly to be heard over the bustling traffic and the clamor of the New York city streets. 

Peter smiled back at her, "it's nothing, just see if you can get a sample of his DNA like some hair or something, then we'll meet up next week and see if anything looks off!" 

Brie nodded, though she wondered how exactly she was going to manage to do that discreetly. "That sounds good. Plus, I want to hear everything you've been doing lately! We have so much to catch up on. Like...do you have a girlfriend yet?" 

Peter laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's complicated, but there's a couple of girls I really like…" he said, and trailed off. "I'm sure you remember MJ! And I sort of met someone in one of my college classes, she's really special!" 

"Aww! I guess you're not so scared of catching cooties anymore, then!" She teased, punching him playfully on his arm. Holy cow, it was firm! She wondered when he must have started working out too. 

Peter just laughed nervously in response, "I'll tell you everything soon, I promise!" Seeming to want to drop the subject, and she wasn't about to pry. 

The wind blew and she shivered, pulling her coat closer around her. 

No...it wasn't just the wind. The chill went down her spine and through her bones, like she was being watched. Hunted, even. Looking around her, she tried to find the source, but couldn't pick up anything that stood out, so she tried to shrug it off. Her cab had arrived anyway. 

Before parting ways, she pulled Peter into a tight hug. She could feel how firm his shoulders were too, and his grip around her was tighter than what she imagined he could muster! What was this kid eating? Certainly not peanut butter sandwiches anymore. 

"It's gonna be ok, Brie. It'll all be over soon, and then maybe me and Harry can come over for dinner...ok?" He reassured, and she felt just a little bit better. 

"Ok." She sniffled, wiping her eyes as they had begun to get misty again. And even after climbing into the cab and driving off, she couldn't shake that anxious feeling. Like a prey animal in the sights of a vicious wolf...she wished it would go away. 

After all, she still had to face what she hoped would still be her husband when she returned home. 

#brie babbles #self insert #self ship #self shipping community #self insert community #self ship comminity #self insert fanfiction #self ship fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel self insert #spiderman self insert #norman osborn #green goblin #peter parker #green meanie #norman osborn x self insert #huh i guess i dont have a tag for peter?? #i guess i dont really talk about him as much either #but a good majority of this fic actually ended up exploring our platonic relationship which is really cool!! #i enjoyed writing about us cause i love that boy very much!! :'3 #also heads up the next chapter is gonna be uh #its gonna be.....very intense #its meant to be! #but fair warning it's not gonna be pretty

[shijiujun]

Time for some BL/Danmei novel recs! 

You guys have probably (maybe) seen my novels list here - [X] - but it’s more for my own tracking than anything else, so here’s a brief list (I’ll probably do full ones of the ones I really love in another post, probably on Minmo).

The ones elaborated on below with the asterisks are the novels I’ve actually finished reading.

*since everyone more or less knows MXTX’s works - TGCF, MDZS and SVSSS, I’ll skip those!

1. SCI 迷案集 | SCI Mystery Series by 耳雅*

Summary: Bai Yutang and Zhan Zhao are childhood friends and rivals that end up working together under the newly established SCI unit as co-leads, with Bai Yutang providing the brawn as Captain and Zhan Zhao the brains as Vice Captain and the team’s resident genius psychologist. They solve cases together and slowly unravel a wider conspiracy that involves their parents’ generation and beyond. At the same time they also realize that they’re meant for each other!

Other CPs: Bai Jintang (Bai Yutang’s older brother) & the medical examiner, Gongsun Ce, Bai Chi (Bai Yutang’s younger cousin) & magician Zhao Zhen, and at least three other gay pairings, one of which is considered another main couple of sorts from Vol. 2 onwards

Status: Incomplete (Began in 2010, author is still going on strong with one chapter every one or two months, we’re halfway through Vol. 5 right now and it’s been 10 years ;-; Love that the author is going on strong!! Everyone on JJWXC are like “please author it’s okay if you go slow as long as you keep going we’re here for you” and jfc I understand the fear of this not completing, also when will Vol. 5 be completed and printed?!! I need to complete the collection)

Translations: Unfortunately, only the first volume has been translated well so far on novel updates. The one on Wattpad seems to have caught up, but I would not recommend that one.

Drama/Live-Action: Season 1 was filmed and released in 2018 under the same name with slightly changed names for the characters. Season 2 was supposed to start filming this month but... oh well. First season basically covered Vol. 1 novel from start to end.

*I love this one only because it was my very first danmei and so it’ll forever have a special place in my heart, and also because it’s still ongoing so ya know, I relive how much I love this every month

2. 成化十四年 | Cheng Hua’s Fourteenth Year (The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty) by 梦溪石*

Summary: Tang Fan, a prefectural judge, and Sui Zhou, a high ranking officer in the Embroidered Uniform Guards, meet while trying to solve a murder case. Both of them end up partnering very well together, Sui Zhou ends up inviting Tang Fan to live with him, and the rest is history. Through their days living together and solving cases + a larger conspiracy involving the royal palace, they fall in love. Adding to this mix is also Wang Zhi, a powerful, young eunuch who befriends the pair, and the three of them basically help the crown prince to overcome challenges and his enemies to become the next Emperor

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: Ongoing on several websites. I’m only translating relationship highlights, but here’s an introduction post I did for it, if you guys would like somewhere to start without getting too invested - [X]

Drama/Live-Action: The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty was released earlier this year, directed by Jackie Chan and starring Darren Chen and Paul Fu, but cases are a little different and there are new characters in the show that weren’t from the novel etc.

3. 杀破狼 | Shapolang by Priest*

Summary: Set in a steampunk universe where flying boats named ‘kites’ and flying armour exist. Young teenager Chang Geng lives with his mother and stepfather - the former abuses him and the latter neglects him, and the only person that he cares about (and cares about him) is Shen Shiliu, his (very young) godfather. He realizes his identity as a royal prince when the Man tribe invades his city and Shen Shiliu, whose real name is Gu Yun, turns out to be an army general whose duty was to protect Chang Geng in secret (among other things). 

Chang Geng has been critically poisoned by his mother (who’s not actually his birth mother, if I recall she’s an aunt) which leads to him getting terrible dreams frequently with the end result of him being driven into insanity, while Gu Yun is half blind, half deaf due to poisoning + injury when he was much younger, and he can only regain his hearing and sight fully when he takes a medicine that is slowly losing its effectiveness with every dosage he has.

The both of them navigate learning about each other again, falling in love a few years later when Chang Geng is all grown up and also unravel conspiracies and fight bad guys (both external threats and internal as in the current Emperor and other parties) XD

*Note: The age old debate is that Gu Yun ‘preyed’ on and also ‘groomed’ Chang Geng, but I disagree and stand by the fact that Gu Yun was 90% of the time not around while Chang Geng grew from a teenager to a young adult as he was fighting wars elsewhere, while Chang Geng refused to stay at the Gu manor and insisted on running around, travelling on his own and seeing the world for a few years before they met again. And it was Chang Geng who’d always loved Gu Yun and devoted himself to caring about him, making advances on him etc. when he became an adult

Other CPs: Shen Yi (Gu Yun’s second-in-command) & Chen Qingxu (a renowned physician who ends up healing both Chang Geng and Gu Yun of their ailments) 

Status: Complete!

Translations: Fully translated the last I heard, it’s up there in the list of holy grail BL/danmei novels, so I’m sure it’s done hahaha.

Drama/Live-Action: Filming in progress!

*This is up there in the hall of fame for danmei novels for more than just the amazing content and writing - It’s also famous for being one of the most complex novels ever. I don’t know how the translations team did it because DAMN it was complex and I read all my novels in Chinese without much issues but I was honestly STRUGGLING WITH this one and I went through some existential crisis while reading because I was like ‘did I ever learn Chinese, am I even Chinese’ XD

4. 默读 | Silent Reading by Priest*

Summary: Luo Wenzhou, a police captain, and his team including best friend and partner Tao Ran, face a few challenging cases that end up being small parts of a larger conspiracy, and end up having to consult with Fei Du, a flamboyant, charming and flirty, young and rich CEO, who Luo Wenzhou describes as someone who is an expert at ‘crimes’. Not deduction, not solving crimes, but someone who is familiar with how the murderer or culprits would commit crimes. Both Luo Wenzhou and Tao Ran know Fei Du well, because they first met when Fei Du was in high school, when he called the police because his mother had hanged herself in the house, and since then Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou look out for him, spending holidays with him, giving him presents here and there. Luo Wenzhou and Fei Du overcome their misunderstandings of each other and fall in love while solving all the cases and the larger conspiracy behind it.

Other CPs: Tao Ran and someone he knew first from his school days or was a neighbour when he was younger, I can’t remember, but they meet again at a blind date and end up living in the same building on different floors XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: Complete!! There’s a huge post floating around on Tumblr with all the links (I can’t find it right now) and on Twitter you can also find the collated, epub versions etc.

Drama/Live-Action: Rights for a live-action was signed, no casting confirmation or set dates yet

5. 犯罪心理 | Criminal Psychology by 长洱*

Summary: Police captain Xing Conglian drags psychologist Lin Chen out of seclusion/hiding to solve a case that is indirectly tied to him. Lin Chen was involved in a case a few years ago that led to four deaths - these four victims were the sons/daughters of four of the five huge old-money (super rich) families in the country and these family members sought to make Lin Chen’s life very difficult for him afterwards by making him lose all the jobs he can find, by surveilling his every move and ensuring that he’s not happy etc. Because of that, he backed out of the police force as well and quietly lived as a school dorm administrator, which is where Xing Conglian finds him a few years later. Lin Chen fakes his death after the first case (not deliberately but kind of a by-the-way thing), but as fate would have it, he ends up meeting Xing Conglian on another case, and he decides that he’ll move in with him and also involve himself again, consequences be damned, and they fall in love!

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet.

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of.

6. 死亡万花筒 | Kaleidoscope of Death by 西子绪* (MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE)

Summary: Supernatural setting where people who are about to die get a second chance to live. These individuals are either in the midst of a dangerous situation (for e.g. a shootout or a deadly mugging incident) or are about to get into accidents (for e.g. an entire bus going off a bridge or a chandelier dropping from above and crushing the person underneath) or are ill (recently diagnosed with cancer or are terminally ill with a condition for e.g.) - The list is endless, and in the situation between life and death, 12 doors will appear before them. 

It is said that once these individuals finish all 12 doors, they will truly get a second chance at life and survive whatever cause of death they were imminently facing. 

Each door represents a creepy, supernatural mystery, and Lin Qiushi finds himself in a strange place after opening a door when he was trying to enter his apartment one day. He meets Ruan Baijie, a beautiful, tall woman who he happens to meet, and they realize that in this strange world, he and other individuals who came through the door have to complete a given task, find a key and an exit door, and make it out alive. The others in the team (some of which have already gone through several doors) explain to Lin Qiushi, who is a first-timer, what the doors are about. 

The catch is, if they die inside the door, in the real world, they’ll die immediately, by accident, throwing themselves off a building, or just throwing up blood until they die (just to name a few)

On the first night, however, three people are slaughtered and eaten by a long-haired ghost/creature. The good news is, Ruan Baijie isn’t all that she seems to be (for one, she’s not exactly a woman) and she takes a liking to Lin Qiushi immediately.

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet!

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of, but honestly, this novel would be fricking EPIC as a live-action, and really creepy, but this is my all-time favourite novel, I kid you not!!!!

*I’m definitely doing a longer and more detailed to-read for KOD on my translation account, gosh you guys have no idea how much I love this.

7. 当年万里觅封侯 | Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by 漫漫何其多

Summary: Yu She and Gu Wan were close friends for a short period of time when they were younger, but unfortunately their identities and positions meant that they were opponents. Yu She’s family was for the Second Prince and Gu Wan was taken in by the Sixth Prince’s family, but in the end it was the Second Prince who ended up getting to the throne, while the Sixth Prince was accused of treason and died somewhere far away at war after being captured. Gu Wan’s only wish was to keep the Fifth Prince’s children - Xuan Rui and a pair of twins, Xuan Yu and Xuan Congxin safe, and so he moves them to another province and asks the Emperor (the Second Prince) to demote Xuan Rui’s status to prove that they are no threat to the Emperor, if only to stay alive for another day.

However, their days of hardship have only just begun, and Gu Wan decides to namedrop Yu She, whose family is so powerful now, and claims that Yu She loves him and that he was wooing Gu Wan back in the days they knew each other so that officials and others would treat the children under his care better. A few years pass and Yu She doesn’t expose Gu Wan. Gu Wan thinks they can go on like this forever, until the Emperor asks Xuan Rui and the twins to head back to the palace for a visit.

Gu Wan meets Yu She again, but the boy he knew, who was gentle, a stickler for rules and a proper, well-mannered person, has changed almost completely. Cue palace conspiracies again, brothers fighting for the throne, scheming consorts etc. XD 

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet but I’m not super sure on this

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of!

*They came out with a new reprint edition three days ago and it’s gorgeous! And comes with amazing freebies, and I am a sucker and read it on the day of the printed novel release because I saw the art and loved it, wanted to see if the story was any good, and damn after chapter 2 I WAS GONE and then I checked out two copies from different stores for the two different sets of freebies 

--

A list of those I haven’t read but I see are highly raved about:

1. 二哈和他的白猫师尊 | The Husky & His White Cat Shizun by Meatbun

- I’ve already been spoiled and I know what goes on mostly, and there are a lot of warnings for a reason, but I’m still a fan, and let’s not get into the debate on the content, I know I have to read this but the angst level is apparently ridiculous, so I need like some mental preparation before I sit down for it.

2. 千秋 | A Thousand Autumns by 梦溪石

3. 烈火浇愁 | Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest

4. 将进酒 | Qiang Jing Jiu by 唐酒卿

- A really good group of translators picked this up initially on Twitter, but then assholes were complaining that they were being too slow and insisting that machine translation (MTL) did an equally good and faster job, so the OG dropped it, and then another nice team picked it up, but MTL team is still being an asshole XD I’ve heard really good things about this one, it’s apparently quite complex as well, I’d liken it to Shapolang level? But it might be even more complex (with a lot of politics and stuff), so much so that apparently the printed novel comes with a relationship/character chart so readers are at any point in time clear on the characters which is like amazing XD

#danmei #bl novels #novel recs #sci谜案集 #kaleidoscope of death #silent reading #shapolang #犯罪心理 #成化十四年 #the sleuth of ming dynasty #2ha #priest #梦溪石 #meatbun #西子绪 #耳雅 #长洱

[absconditus--praenomen]

The Fondness of Finding Friendship

There’s a certain sort of love to be found in the friends which encourage your casual rambling because you’re happy; because these words are yours; because it is your nature And it is you who they are friends with; it is you they want to know;  it is you they wish to be around

There’s a certain sort of love to be found in the friendship that exists between two individuals and the only reasoning ever needed given being “That one. That human there, and all that they are. Friend. It has been declared.” “I am far more comfortable as my honest self as opposed to anything else when we are in each other company.” The willing choice to relax into a truly human creature because it’s far more comfortable to trust the other than to not. “This one. This one is special! Why!? Because they are. For an impressive number of countless reasons, too.” “This person who I have dubbed Friend just as they did for me, I want them to keep me company, I wish to keep them company, while we both go about living our own lives”  Family with no need of blood ties to prove it

There’s a certain sort of love to be found in the friendship of your family. These people which you’re more yourself around than you could probably know, more yourself than you could be anywhere else, even if you tried. The people who love you unconditionally and conditionally; who love you as their kin and who love you for the person that you are. The people who always have been, and forever will be, different from the rest.

There’s a certain sort of love to be found in friendship that grows neither stronger nor farther apart when separated. Yet it remains just as vivid as it always has been, ready to be picked back up the instance they next meet.  A friendship, while not invincible to time it certainly has the mettle to face it down.

There’s a certain sort of love to be found in a trio of friends that, regardless of how new the friendship is or how strong the bond has grown, seemingly refuse to let go of one another. A trio of friends that time, and time again defy the periods of radio static.  Three friends who share a quietly unwavering friendship that no intends to let slip by any time soon because, simply, they like being friends. Friendship that doesn’t fear sitting in quiet for a while together, doesn’t fear taking its time because “we’re here together now, we are happy just being together. Growth can come as it will.”

There’s sincere platonic love to be found when realizing friendship.

#poem #poetry #self written #human #friends #and #friendships #platonic love #family #of all sorts #from blood to found #love #types of love #a study of love #so to say #time #unconditional love #and healthy conditional love #a trail for a mini series on different types of love #familial love #that is also mentioned #I love my family #we're very close and I'm lucky to have them! #i know it is a privilege #I certainly don't take it for granted #the same goes for my friends #I love them dearly #:) #anyhow #wish you whimsy

[whitleyschn33]

Color in RWBY’s Designs

I’ve been trying to reblog this post for a good 10 minutes, and Tumblr just refuses to let me, and I don’t think I’m blocked, so @strqyr​ , have a reply

...

Okay, ignoring the out-of-left-field (hah) pivot to politics that cropped up in the comments -

I’m not an artist, but I do follow a few that discuss character design and have attempted some recolors myself, and when it comes to the various designs and colors of the RWBY girls, it’s not so much about the in-universe importance of color, it’s about the more meta principles of character design. Once again, I’m not the most qualified person to talk about this, so excuse me if I get something wrong or ramble.

In visual mediums, a character’s design, more specifically their silhouette and their colors, is what makes them stand out and memorable to an audience; in a lot of cartoons and anime, you’ll likely be able to recognize characters by their designs long before you remember their names, and even if you don’t know their names, seeing the silhouette or even color palette of that character can bring their image to your mind. For example, I haven’t seen an episode of Sailor Moon in my life, but show me Usagi’s silhouette, and I can tell you exactly who that is. I can show you this, and I would bet that 99% of you can tell me what character this is meant to represent despite it literally just being 5 rectangles.

(On a slight tangent, in action shows, colors and the smart placement there-of are doubly important, as they help with keeping track of a character as they move through a cluttered environment and interact with other characters, and keep track of how they move their bodies in that space. To use a specific example from RWBY itself, check out the Nevermore fight from Volume 1 - despite all the debris flying around the screen and the amount of wide shots, it’s easy to keep track of how the characters move around the screen. Yang’s gauntlets help direct your eyes to her punches, and the splash of red in Weiss’s collar makes sure she doesn’t turn into a white blob moving around the screen.)

RWBY specifically is a show that quite literally advertised itself and its character on the premise of color. The show is named not just after the main characters, but the main characters’ colors. The first trailers were the Red, White, Black, and Yellow trailers. Their original designs, while of course using other colors in the palettes, give an overall impression of red, white, black, and yellow, making the characters pop against the stark black, red, and white backgrounds of the trailers, as well as stand out against the background characters that were literally empty black voids of silhouettes. Their initial character designs are tied completely to them representing a specific color, and this color gimmick also makes the girls stand out as characters. Ruby’s red cloak and ruffles, Weiss’s white side ponytail and dress, Blake’s black bow and tuxedo vest, and Yang’s fiery yellow hair and gauntlets are instantly recognizable from a glance, and that’s a sign of good design that makes them distinct.

So, when you get to the later volumes and suddenly the characters are wearing less and less of their original, iconic colors on top of getting new silhouettes, it makes them start looking less and less recognizable as the characters they were originally designed to be, and more like completely different characters. Lets look at Blake and Weiss as an example. If you’d never seen RWBY, could you tell me if these were the same characters?

Alright, let’s fill in the details.

They look like two completely different pairs of characters. It’s not even the clothes themselves, but the colors and shapes of their clothes combined with the radically different hairstyles make the V7 designs look very much unlike the original designs. The girls got alternate outfits in V2, but they all fit the general silhouettes and color schemes of their typical outfits, and were still very much recognizable as the main team, just with new clothes. Such a drastic shift in what types of clothes and the colors they wear in V7, on the other hand, makes them look like different character designs. If you’re going to change what a character is wearing to something very different, keeping the colors consistent helps with keeping them recognizable as the character they are.

Now, changing the design of your character beyond the specific clothes they wear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Characters change as they progress through a story, and in visual media, changes to character design can be used to signify how they’re changing or how they’re reacting to their environment and new situations. For example, in the S2 premire of Avatar, Zuko cuts off his distinguishing topknot to represent his fall from a Fire Nation prince to an outlaw on the run, and in season 3, the GAang don red Fire Nation clothes as a disguise, ditching their usual blue, orange, and green clothing. In the Owl House, Amity dyes her hair purple to represent her making her own choices rather than letting her family control her life (and I picked this up from gif sets, without having even seen the show). Design changes, even to hair and color, can be used to represent change - and RWBY has managed to do this fairly well in the past! For example, Weiss’s V4 design is very different from her original design - her sleeves and collar are tight rather than poofy, her colors are muted and overrun with greys and blues, her whites are mostly hidden and her red is nowhere to be seen. This works, though, because it represents Weiss’s current situation - she’s being controlled by her father, her individuality represented by her whites and reds being driven out, and her dress is mostly tight against her wrists and neck, like shackles and being chocked. It’s a good way of showing a character’s changed situation, while keeping her recognizable from her side ponytail and poofy skirt remaining the same.

The latest redesigns of Team RWBY, however, don’t do this. They change radically, in color, hair, and clothing shape, and there’s no clear reason why. Why do they change how they look so drastically? What prompted them to style their hair so differently, to cut it so short? Why have they decided to choose different colors to wear? To circle back to the initial post, what part of their character development has changed them from the color they were representing to the color they’re now representing?

For more specific question/examples - what prompted Blake to cover herself in a heavy white coat in V4, when she was heading to a tropical island to recover? Why does she wear a bright white coat for official Huntress business when she’s meant to be a ninja? Why does she cut her hair so short? Why does Weiss cover herself in blues and greys in V7 when blues and greys were used to show her unhappiness and imprisonment by Jacques, rather than returning to lots of whites? Why does she go from a sleek ponytail to a thick heavy braid? Why does Ruby replace her cape and start styling her hair differently? Why does she go from a poofy skirt with ruffles to a very sleek, low volume skirt? Why does Yang not wear any yellow anymore? Why do none of them seem to wear anything suited for the cold? None of these questions have real answers. We can speculate all day, but at the end, that would still just be speculation.

Why does Lillie in Pokemon change her hair and clothes? To prove that she’s not just something for her mother to control and dress up to her ideal of beauty; that Lillie can make her own choices and is ready to stand on her own two feet and do what needs to be done, rather than relying on Repels and the player character.

Why does Blake cut her hair and start wearing so much white? ....

Why does Persona 5′s Akechi’s palette switch from bright white, reds, and golds to dark blacks and purples? To show the tearing down of the Detective Prince façade to the true darkness underneath.

Why does Weiss start wearing so many dark blues and greys? ....

I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point. Things just change on RWBY, key aspects of their designs like their hair and colors, and for the most part, there just seems to be no reason given to change. I’m not saying things like colors can never change, clearly they can, but for character design, especially in a show so heavily focused on colors and how characters are represented by their colors, it’s not a thing that should be taken lightly; if a character has grown so dramatically that the manner in which they express themselves as a character has changed, like the original poster is implying it can, it should be clear to see why this character has changed in this manner.

Without a good reason for it to change, it feels unnatural, like the character isn’t the same character - so when RWBY’s colors seem to be changing without good reason, creating designs that don’t look right for the character they’re meant to be in the situations they’re meant to be in, it causes people to want to revert back to the original palettes. Not because they’re denying individuality of the characters, but because the characters are no longer designed like the individuals they once were, and artists want to bring that individuality and striking design back through the use of the colors these characters use to define themselves.

#rwby #art #long post #please my more artistic mutuals #please correct me if i'm wrong #i'm not an artist

[atalana]

[copied over from my cr blog, also this is gonna get long, i’d apologise but im not sorry]

okay, so

this is a rant probably about 7 years in the making, bc when i first watched lok i had not done any music study, i had not done any composing of my own, my knowledge of music theory was at a primary school level and i still thought tv soundtracks were just made by one person composing a whole cache of music and then the audio editors pick and choose what track to place where

(spoiler alert that’s not how film and tv scoring works, i have now done a music composition course where we had to score a short film, among other things, and i have so much more respect for tv composers jesus christ)

but this one stuck out to me even way back then, bc me barely knowing what a leitmotif was was like “hey this one little refrain keeps popping up whenever bolin does lavabending, and i like it, i’m gonna see if it’s on the soundtrack”

it was not, and that’s sort of where i left it back in 2014, but i actually did a rewatch of lok pretty recently out of nostalgia, and then noticed it even more

and to explain why (and this is also a little bit why five’s stuck out to me in tua, i’ll get to that in another ask), let’s cover, leitmotifs, and tv scoring in general

so a leitmotif is basically just a short musical idea that represents something in a piece of music. when i studied motivic development we were encouraged to make that motif four notes or less, and then develop it into something longer (aka a theme), because if you can constantly come back to a really short idea while keeping the piece moving, that’s what makes a piece of music memorable

(you can ignore those rules on purpose but that’s a different essay)

so the most common way that a leitmotif shows up in soundtracks is to represent a character or a location - you play the motif when that character shows up or when you’re in that location and boom, the audience associates that motif with that person place or thing, and you can then use this to tell the audience things without actually telling them. for example, star wars playing the imperial march whenever someone does something darth vader related - darth vader isn’t on screen, but you can feel his presence, because his music is playing

and if we were a film score, where we have two hours to show one particular character’s development, great! we give them a simple motif, and then as they grow as a person we change their motif to reflect what is happening to them, until we end up with something that communicates on a subconscious level how much they’ve grown. we toss in as much symbolism as we can, and we have a really great soundtrack that’s instantly memorable

tv scoring, is harder. partially because of time constraints (have you ever composed half an hour of original music a week, and had to make sure it fits perfectly with every beat of what’s happening on screen? these guys have), partially because there’s a much larger focus on ensemble casts

so what atla and lok do, for the most part, is not score individual character motifs for everyone. this is fairly common in tv soundtracks, instead we score ideas, concepts, and feelings - these’ll come up a lot more and give you more information than just “oh hey this character’s on screen”

the avatar state, for example, has the strongest and most recognisable theme across both shows. i’m linking an atla track in here because it has the best example but you’ll know this shows up with korra too - and with particularly important moments for wan, for kyoshi, etc. they also appear in the opening of both shows, four strong notes that start and end on the same note (in the case of what i’m linking, it’s an F#)

the first part of this track is the more uncertain, pensive theme that comes up when both avatars are feeling doubt/worry/sadness, but then it transitions into the more recognisable four. worth noting though, those are both basically the same motif. if i write them out back to back, you’ll notice they both have four notes and start and end on F#. if i had to guess, four notes four elements, and it comes back to the start because the avatar is a cycle.

korra has a theme for when she’s fighting, but not an individual character theme. the airbenders as a concept have a theme, republic city has thematic instruments, as do some big name characters, like iroh and his tsungi horn (this is also a cross-series thing, he’s always playing it in atla, it shows up when zuko has to make big moral decisions, and when we first meet iroh in the spirit world in lok, it shows up there too, to let the audience know who this is before we properly see him)

so, if korra doesn’t get a single theme and instead has several for different aspects of her life, and mako and asami follow along with the mood of the story like all the other characters, the fact that bolin has a personal leitmotif at all, let alone a solid, developing one, is pretty remarkable!

now, granted, it mostly starts with book 3, before then he was like every other character, but it has clear symbolism through those last two books! and, initially i thought it was related only to his lavabending, since that’s most of when it shows up, but since my rewatch, i’ve started calling it his hero theme

see, when people wanna criticise mako and bolin, usually the comments they get are that bolin’s too immature and mako’s too serious/uptight. but like, that’s how they work, you can’t analyse either of them without the context of the other. since they were little kids on the streets, bolin chases his heart and mako makes sure they don’t die from it, that is their entire childhood. and neither would have got here on their own because mako wouldn’t take the necessary risks and bolin wouldn’t take the necessary precautions. (like. remove either one from the equation and they’d still be working for the triple threats bc s1 and their flashback miniseries make pretty clear that bolin got them out and mako kept them out)

and then book 2 proves it! because it splits team avatar up, and what happens? bolin is totally taken advantage of by varrick and used as a pawn in his evil plan and mako ends up in jail

so what’s book 3, to them? it’s, being able to find themselves without having that codependency. mako no longer has someone to protect, which is what he’s based his whole life around so far - bolin’s doing fine and he’s no longer dating either korra or asami. and bolin’s trying his hand at some of that responsibility (look at how he immediately adopts kai who is explicitly them but younger because he wants to be the older brother for once). most importantly, they find the rest of their family, and stop being defined by being orphans. they don’t have to be that singular piece of a puzzle, they can just be themselves. and that’s where bolin’s character really starts to shine, because that’s when they bring in the bending plot, and bending, perhaps more than any other character, really gets to the heart of who bolin is

if you want more of my thoughts on that i have an essay here, but tl;dr: bolin’s an extremely powerful earthbender, but he’s not a metalbender because metalbending requires you to double down on the earth characteristics and think like an earthbender, and bolin doesn’t, he’s too fluid for that, which is one of his major strengths, so of course he can lavabend

and finally - to his motif itself! (as a note, i’ve put all of these in the same key to show where it repeats, but there’s a variety of keys used in the show)

as far as i can find, it first shows up in s3e8, when bolin stuns p’li with this well placed shot

[Edit: it first showed up in the s2 finale, but again in a simplified version and again with him doing something heroic with earthbending, so we can still start the analysis here]

mako volunteers bolin for that job, because he knew bolin was capable of it. why? because bolin landed an identical shot earlier in the episode, after trying to metalbend, getting frustrated he can’t, and cheating with some extremely well aimed earthbending. it’s just a short refrain and you barely notice it, but it’s the first connection of this motif with the theme of bolin’s bending

it looks like this, and it’s always played on a trumpet, which is part of why i call it the hero theme, because, if you’re looking at music from a western perspective, trumpets were used to herald kings, and then used to represent military glory, and then when superhero themes started happening, they used trumpets too - it’s basically western music shorthand for hero these days

(it’s also symmetrical so that helps with the good vibes)

and he’s saving everyone here, so it’s linked to his bending, but it’s also linked to his heroism

it ties the two together, and they are tied together.

when’s the next time it shows up? episode 10, when the brothers are in prison in ba sing se, and bolin tries to metalbend them out. again, he’s doing this to save people, and this motif gets a few notes added on to the end in a raising pattern - they’re inspiring, but they don’t go anywhere. which is exactly what happens in the scene, because he’s trying to go about this in the wrong way. mako believes in him, but it won’t (and doesn’t) work

it appears in episode 12 when bolin saves everyone from ghazan destroying the temple, in a more fancy orchestral remake of the first version - it’s impressive, but it hasn’t actually developed yet, it’s just his discovery of it

the book 3 finale already has its own fucking amazing soundtrack, i love that entire episode’s score, but it gets its own moment there too, and the first real development!

because what we hear is not what we’ve heard before. we know it’s the same theme, because it’s using those signature trumpets, but it’s the second part of this phrase, the answer to the question supplied by the first one. why? because bolin’s figured out who he is and he’s starting to use it. it still hasn’t settled yet though, it’s early days and he’s still just turning ghazan’s lava back on him, so again, it raises, leaving it on a question mark

it doesn’t appear in s4e7 when he lavabends as a warning against the escaped prisoners, because he’s using it as a threat, not to help people. but it does later in the episode when he uses lavabending to save them from kuvira. and that’s when we get the first full phrase, question and answer

it keeps the first motif identical, takes out the first note of the second, and ties them together - except now it’s not open ended, now it knows where it’s going - it’s been three years, at this point bolin is confident in both himself and his bending

and then that phrase appears all over the place in the finale, because all bolin does is save people - everyone from the exploding building, he slows the giant mecha with lavabending, he saves opal, he slows the giant mecha again by collapsing a building on it, and most importantly, he’s the one rescuing his brother this time, instead of the other way around (though that one doesn’t get a motif appearance bc admittedly a fuck ton of other things are happening in the soundtrack at the time)

so to that question asked in book three - who is bolin when not next to someone else? well, funnily enough, we saw it in book two as well, just in a warped way, playing nuktuk. it just wasn’t truly him because it was created by varrick, and he needed to get away from varrick too. the question put forward by the narrative is who is bolin, and the answer given by the music is, he is a hero. and i don’t know why bolin is the only one to get a theme like this, but i think it may have something to do with the fact that, while everyone in team avatar has been a hero and saved people, he is the only one who has, from the start, solely been motivated by wanting to help people. he follows his heart, and his heart cares, about everyone. it’s been the driving force behind almost everything he’s ever done. and i love him so much

#so yeah those are my thoughts on bolin go forth and cry with me about five notes on a trumpet #legend of korra #lok #bolin #music

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

THE FORTY-FIVE: ST. VINCENT

Sleazy, gritty, grimy – these are the words used to describe the latest iteration of St. Vincent, Annie Clark’s alter ego. As she teases the release of her upcoming new album, ‘Daddy’s Home’, Eve Barlow finds out who’s wearing the trousers now.

Photos: Zackery Michael

Yellow may be the colour of gold, the hue of a perfect blonde or the shade of the sun, but when it’s too garish, yellow denotes the stain of sickness and the luridness of sleaze. On ‘Pay Your Way In Pain’ – the first single from St. Vincent’s forthcoming sixth album ‘Daddy’s Home’ – Annie Clark basks in the palette of cheap 1970s yellows; a dirty, salacious yellow that even the most prudish of individuals find difficult to avert their gaze from. It’s a yellow that recalls the smell of cigarettes on fingers, the tape across tomorrow’s crime scene or the dull ache of bad penetration.

The video for the single, which dropped last Thursday, features Clark in a blonde wig and suit, channeling a John Cassavetes anti-heroine (think Gena Rowlands in Gloria) and ‘Fame’-era Bowie. She twists in front of too-bright disco lights. She roughs up her voice. She sings about the price we pay for searching for acceptance while being outcast from society. “So I went to the park just to watch the little children/ The mothers saw my heels and they said I wasn’t welcome,” she coos, and you immediately recognise the scene of a free woman threatening the post-nuclear families aspiring to innocence. Clark is here to pervert them.

She laughs. “That’s how I feel!” From her studio in Los Angeles, she begins quoting lyrics from Jimi Hendrix’s ‘Red House’. “It’s a blues song for 2021.” LA is a city Clark reluctantly only half calls home, and one that is opposed to her vastly preferred New York. “I don’t feel any romantic attachment to Los Angeles,” she says of the place she coined the song ‘Los Ageless’ about on 2017’s ‘Masseduction’ (“The Los Ageless hang out by the bar/ Burn the pages of unwritten memoirs”).“The best that could be said of LA is, ‘Yeah it’s nice.’ And it is! LA is easy and pleasant. But if you were a person the last thing you’d want someone to say about you is: ‘She’s nice!’”

On ‘Daddy’s Home’, Clark writes about a past derelict New York; a place Los Angeles would suffocate in. “The idea of New York, the art that came out of it, and my living there,” she says. “I’ve not given up my card. I don’t feel in any way ready to renounce my New York citizenship. I bought an apartment so I didn’t have to.” Her down-and-out New York is one a true masochist would love, and it’s sleazy in excess. Sleaze is usually the thing men flaunt at a woman’s expense. In 2021, the proverbial Daddy in the title is Clark. But there’s also a literal Daddy. He came home in the winter of 2019.

On the title track, Clark sings about “inmate 502”: her father. He was sentenced to 12 years in prison for his involvement in a $43m stock fraud scheme. He went away in May 2010. Clark reacted by writing her third breakthrough album ‘Strange Mercy’ in 2011; inspired not just by her father’s imprisonment but the effects it had on her life.“I mean it was rough stuff,” she says. “It was a fuck show. Absolutely terrible. Gut-wrenching. Like so many times in life, music saved me from all kinds of personal peril. I was angry. I was devastated. There’s a sort of dullness to incarceration where you don’t have any control. It’s like a thud at the basement of your being. So I wrote all about it,” she says.

Back then, she was aloof about meaning. In an interview we did that year, she called from a hotel rooftop in Phoenix and was fried from analytical questions. She excused her lack of desire to talk about ‘Strange Mercy’ as a means of protecting fans who could interpret it at will. Really she was protecting an audience closer to home. It’s clear now that the title track is about her father’s imprisonment (“Our father in exile/ For God only knows how many years”). Clark’s parents divorced when she was a child, and they have eight children in their mixed family, some of whom were very young when ‘Strange Mercy’ came out. She explains this discretion now as her method of sheltering them.

“I am protective of my family,” she says. “It didn’t feel safe to me. I disliked the fact that it was taken as malicious obfuscations. No.” Clark wanted to deal with the family drama in art but not in press. She managed to remain tight-lipped until she became the subject of a different intrusion. As St. Vincent’s star continued to rocket, Clark found herself in a relationship with British model Cara Delevingne from 2014 to 2016, and attracted celebrity tabloid attention. Details of her family’s past were exposed. The Daily Mail came knocking on her sister’s door in Texas, where Clark is from.

“Luckily I’m super tight with my family and the Daily Mail didn’t find anybody who was gonna sell me out,” she says. “They were looking for it. Clark girls are a fucking impenetrable force. We will cut a bitch.”

Four years later, Clark gets to own the narrative herself in the medium that’s most apt: music. “The story has evolved. I’ve evolved. People have grown up. I would rather be the one to tell my story,” she says, ruminating on the misfortune that this was robbed from her: a story that writes itself. “My father’s release from prison is a great starting point, right?” Between tours and whenever she could manage, Clark would go and visit him in prison and would be signing autographs in the visitation room for the inmates, who all followed her success with every album release, press clipping and late night TV spot. She joked to her sisters that she’d become the belle of the ball there. “I don’t have to make that up,” she says.

There’s an ease to Clark’s interview manner that hasn’t existed before. She seems ready not just to discuss her father’s story, but to own certain elements of herself. “Hell where can you run when the outlaw’s inside you,” she sings on the title track, alluding to her common traits with her father. “I’ve always had a relationship with my dad and a good one. We’re very similar,” she says. “The movies we like, the books, he liked fashion. He’s really funny, he’s a good time.” Her father’s release gave Clark and her brothers and sisters permission to joke. “The title, ‘Daddy’s Home’ makes me laugh. It sounds fucking pervy as hell. But it’s about a real father ten years later. I’m Daddy now!”

The question of who’s fathering who is a serious one, but it’s also not serious. Clark wears the idea of Daddy as a costume. She likes to play. She joins today’s Zoom in a pair of sunglasses wider than her face and a silk scarf framing her head. The sunglasses come off, and the scarf is a tool for distraction. She ties it above her forehead, attempts a neckerchief, eventually tosses it aside. Clark can only be earnest for so long before she seeks some mischief. She doesn’t like to stay in reality for extensive periods. “I like to create a world and then I get to live in it and be somebody new every two or three years,” she says. “Who wants to be themselves all the time?”

‘Daddy’s Home‘ began in New York at Electric Lady studios before COVID hit and was finished in her studio in LA. She worked on it with “my friend Jack” [Jack Antonoff, producer for Lana Del Rey, Lorde, Taylor Swift]. Antonoff and Clark worked on ‘Masseduction’ and found a winning formula, pushing Clark’s guitar-orientated electronic universe to its poppiest maximum, without compromising her idiosyncrasies. “We’re simpatico. He’s a dream,” she says. “He played the hell outta instruments on this record. He’s crushing it on drums, crushing it on Wurlitzer.” The pair let loose. They began with ‘The Holiday Party’, one of the warmest tracks Clark’s ever written. It’s as inviting as a winter fireplace, stoked by soulful horns, acoustic guitar and backing singers. “Every time they sang something I’d say, ‘Yeah but can you do it sleazier? Make your voice sound like you’ve been up for three days.” Clark speaks of an unspoken understanding with Antonoff as regards the vibe: “Familiar sounds. The opposite of my hands coming out of the speaker to choke you till you like it. This is not submission. Just inviting. I can tell a story in a different way.”

The entire record is familiar, giving the listener the satisfaction that they’ve heard the songs before but can’t quite place them. It’s a satisfying accompaniment to a pandemic that encouraged nostalgic listening. Clark was nostalgic too. She reverted to records she enjoyed with her father: Stevie Wonder’s catalogue from the 1970s (‘Songs In The Key Of Life’, ‘Innervisions’, ‘Talking Book’) and Steely Dan. “Not to be the dude at the record store but it’s specifically post-flower child idealism of the ’60s,” she explains. “It’s when it flipped into nihilism, which I much prefer. Pre disco, pre punk. That music is in me in a deep way. It’s in my ears.”

On ‘The Melting Of The Sun’ she has a delicious time creating a psychedelic Pink Floyd odyssey while exploring the path tread by her heroes Marilyn Monroe, Joni Mitchell, Joan Didion and Nina Simone. It’s a series of beautiful vignettes of brilliant women who were met with a hostile environment. Clark considers what they did to overcome that. “I’m thanking all these women for making it easier for me to do it. I hope I didn’t totally let them down.” Clark is often the only woman sharing a stage with rock luminaries such as Dave Grohl, Damon Albarn and David Byrne, and has appeared to have shattered a male-centric glass ceiling. She’s unsure she’s doing enough to redress the imbalance. “There are little things I can do and control,” she says of hiring women on her team. “God! Now I feel like I should do more. What should I do? It’s a big question. You know what I have seen a lot more from when I started to now? Girls playing guitar.”

If one woman reinvented the guitar in the past decade, it’s Clark. Behind her is a rack of them. The pandemic has taken her out of the wild in which she’s accustomed to tantalising audiences at night with her displays of riffing and heel-balancing. Instead, she’s chained to her desk. Her obsession with heels in the lyrics of ‘Daddy’s Home’ she reckons may be a reflection of her nights performing ‘Masseduction’ in thigh highs. “I made sure that nothing I wore was comfortable,” she recalls. “Everything was about stricture and structure and latex. I had to train all the time to make sure I could handle it.” Is she taking the heels off when live shows return? “Absofuckinglutely not.”

Clark is interested in the new generation. She’s recently tweeted about Arlo Parks and has become a big fan of Russian singer-songwriter Kate NV. “I’m obsessed with Russia,” she says. In a recent LA Times profile, she professed to a pandemic intellectual fixation on Stalin. “Yeah! I mean right now my computer is propped up on stuff. You are sitting on The Gulag Archipelago, The Best Short Stories Of Dostoyevsky andThe Plays Of Chekhov. I’m kinda in it.” The pop world interests Clark, too. She was credited with a co-write on Swift’s 2019 album ‘Lover’. At last year’s Grammys she performed a duet with Dua Lipa. It was one of the queerest performances the Grammys has ever aired. Clark interrupts.

“What about it seemed queer?!”

You know… The lip bite, for one!

“Wait. Did she bite her lip?”

No, you bit your lip.

“I did?!”

Everyone was talking about it. Come on, Annie.

“Serious? I…”

You both waltzed around each other with matching hairdos, making eyes…

“I have no memory of it.”

Frustrating as it may be in a world of too much information, Clark’s lack of willingness to overanalyse every creative decision she makes or participates in is something to treasure. “I want to be a writer who can write great songs,” she says. “I’m so glad I can play guitar and fuck around in the studio to my heart’s desire but it’s about what you can say. What’s a great song? What lyric is gonna rip your guts open. Just make great shit! That’s where I was with this record. That’s all I wanna do with my life.”

More than a decade into St. Vincent, Clark doesn’t reflect. She looks strictly forward. “I’m like a horse with blinders,” she says. She did make an exception to take stock lately when the phone rang. “I saw a +44 and that gets me excited,” she says. “Who could this be?” Well, who was it? “Paul McCartney,” she says, in disbelief. “Anything I’ve done, any mistake I’ve made, somehow it’s forgiven, assuaged. I did something right in my life if a fucking Beatle called me.”

Now there’s a get out of jail free card if ever she needed one.

Daddy’s Home by St. Vincent is out May 14, 2021.

#‘I HAVE NO MEMORY OF IT’ #LOOOOOL #WHY ARE U LIKE THIS #st vincent #full of shit #annie clark #Annie Clark on beds #yellow is the color for dull ache of bad penetration?

[arcticdementor]

The devout and observant Christian is undoubtedly aware of the precarious state of the faith in our modern world and is becoming increasingly open to out-of-the-box solutions. One such possible solution is to take a cue from our bearded Amish neighbors and form rule-based religious communities—but maybe without the horse and buggy.

A brief peak at the current state of American Christianity should disabuse anybody of the notion that this is unnecessarily drastic.

America’s traditional Mainline Protestant denominations are bleeding out so quickly they will likely be gone within 20 years. That is not my prediction, but their own. The ELCA (the main Lutheran branch) projects they’ll only have 16,000 worshippers by 2041; the PCUSA (the main Presbyterian branch) lost almost 40% of their members in the last decade, causing one analyst to note, “At its current rate of shrinkage the PC(USA) will not exist in about 20 years;” and data for the Episcopal Church shows the same 20-year timeline until the denomination runs out of people in the pews.

More conservative denominations used to chuckle at these headlines and say, “If only they preached the Gospel instead of liberal activism, they’d be growing like us.” But they don’t say that anymore. The Southern Baptist Convention, the largest of the Evangelical churches, has lost 14% of their members since 2006; the Methodists are losing members while in the middle of a brutal split; and for Catholics, according to Bishop Robert Barron while speaking at the 2019 bishops’ annual conference, “Half the kids that we baptized and confirmed in the last 30 years are now ex-Catholics or unaffiliated.”

There is one major exception, though: the Amish—a mustard seed that is growing into a large tree in front of our eyes. The Amish arrived in the United States shortly after their founder, Jakob Ammann, split with the Mennonites in 1693 for being too lax on enforcing their communal rules, as laid out in the Dordrecht Confession of Faith. For the next 200 years, the Amish were just a few eccentric families in Pennsylvania that spoke an archaic Swiss German. By 1920, these few families had grown to 5,000 people and since then have doubled about every 15 to 20 years, including between 2000 and 2020 when they doubled to 351,000.

Unless something changes drastically within their culture, this doubling is projected to continue. One demographer, Lyman Stone, showed that at their current rate of growth, they will easily make up a majority of the United States in 200 years. This means the current moment may mark the halfway point between them arriving as a small band of friends and their inheriting the most powerful nation on the planet. They may seem like a backwards remnant of the past, but in reality, they will almost certainly play a major role in the future. This will become more evident after they soon dwarf more well-known churches like the Episcopalians and Lutherans.

…

So, when virtually all other Christian groups are seeing plummeting, or at best stagnant, numbers, why are the Amish seeing growth like this? The answers people typically give are that they have a very high birth rate and an over 90% retention rate. But that’s like saying someone is wealthy because they made a lot of money and then saved most of it. It begs the question—how? How do they have such large families—with 6 or 7 children per woman—while the country at large has a below-replacement rate of 1.6 children? And how are they able to keep all those children within their communities?

I believe it all comes down to one thing—the Code—or as the Amish call it, the Ordnung.

The Amish Ordnung is different in each community, but if it strays too far, other communities will no longer associate with that community; so there are limits. While outside observers will just see strict rules about hats and beards and technology use, the Amish see the glue that holds them together as a people.

It’s very important to realize that each rule is chosen as a group and with the goal of strengthening individual virtue (especially humility), family and community ties, and their faith.

As an example, most Amish communities don’t allow phones in their homes, but it’s not because they think phones are inherently evil and ban them completely. They often have shared phone booths at the end of the street to use when necessary and at their places of work. They just don’t have phones in the home because they believe it will take away from the purposes of a home—things like family bonding, chores, and recreation. Nobody who has sat in a room of family and friends all silently swiping at their phones can tell me their concern isn’t warranted.

…

The success of this model was discussed by Eric Kaufmann, a political-demography scholar at the University of London, in his provocative 2010 book, Shall the Religious Inherit the Earth?: Demography and Politics in the Twenty-first Century. Kaufmann noted the growth of groups like the Amish and the Haredi Jews (often called the Ultra-Orthodox) and attributed it to their birth rates and strong communities. Haredi Jews, for example, who also live by strict community codes, were only a few percentage points of the Israeli schools in 1960 but are now about a third of students, and he predicts they will very soon eclipse secular Jews. Haredi growth in Brooklyn, New York, is seeing similar growth, with high birth rates and retention.

…

Laurence R. Iannaccone’s 1994 study “Why Strict Churches Are Strong,” which has been frequently cited and confirmed since, gives more detail on the success of certain community codes.

Iannaconne found that groups can be strict on items as long as they provide a “close substitute.” Think, for example, of banning social media but then providing a lot of new in-person social opportunities to make up for that sacrifice.

“Strictness works,” he says, but the rules can’t be so strict they make people miserable and drive them away, or as Iannaconne says, “Arbitrary strictness will fail just as surely as excessive strictness.” The rules do have to be strong enough, though, to keep “free-riders” from claiming the benefits of the community without participating. He called these rules “costly signals,” like the sacrifices the Amish make by limiting their clothing styles and technology use. A person would be very unlikely to go through all of those costly steps for community benefits they could get more easily elsewhere. By eliminating free-riders—whose “mere presence dilutes a group’s resources, reducing the average level of participation, enthusiasm, energy, and the like”—they see the reverse, very high levels of participation, enthusiasm, and energy.

It’s not just Amish and Haredi Jews that have seen success with following a community code beyond the laws of the state—think of the monastics who survived in far-flung places relying on The Rule of St. Benedict; knights that followed the Codes of Chivalry; bands of cowboys on the American frontier who stuck close to the Code of the West, which gave detailed guidance on passing strangers on the trail, when to tip your hat, and with which hand you should hold your whiskey; and the tribes along the Afghanistan-Pakistan border who have followed the Pashtunwali code since pre-Islamic times.

…

Modern Christians interested in starting a rule-based community would need to create some real benefits that are harder to come by in society at large. I’d suggest the basic benefits of a traditional community (help with childcare and schooling, coherent customs on dating and marriage, providing purpose and companionship to the elderly, cultural celebrations and gatherings, friendship, and assistance during hardship) would be plenty.

Then, they could agree together on some basic rules that are costly enough to separate the serious from the free-riders while not being arbitrary or unnecessarily strict. Targeting the rules toward areas that are particular downfalls for modern Americans (promiscuity, pornography, social media, screen-addiction, substance abuse) would be a good start. Agreeing to forego these in this time and culture would almost certainly be a costly enough signal.

Also, many of the rules should take into account issues like abuse of power, cults of personality, convenient personal revelations from God, sexual abuse, and a host of other issues inherent to tight-knit communities (and larger ones for that matter). The ability for a trusted leader to turn out to be an evil psychopath should never be underestimated, so rules should take that likelihood as a given and guard against it. The Amish, for example, draw straws to choose their leaders to avoid jockeying for power.

One last consideration is to what extent “walling yourself off from the modern world,” as Kaufmann said, is appropriate. Kaufmann said that was the best strategy for growth, but growth is not the only thing to weigh. There are also things like loving your neighbors, having an influence on the greater culture, and not stifling curiosity and creativity. Some walls are necessary, like between a teen boy and pornographic websites or between a child and an activist teacher, but a balance between walls and open spaces should be carefully pursued as a group. For example, language is used as a wall for the Amish (who speak Pennsylvania Dutch) and the Haredi Jews (who largely speak Yiddish), but that would likely be a step too far for most communities, as would their highly-detailed clothing restrictions.

…

Out-of-the-box? Sure. But with the exponential growth of the Amish and similar rule-based communities (and our own failure to find a workable model for modern Christian life) it may be a paradigm to consider. Even without our participation, it will certainly be how a fair amount of future Christians will live.

#david larson #crisis magazine #amish #maybe the amish are right #haredim

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Epilogue

So, this is it. We officially reached the end. I must admit I am very sad. Writing this story has been such a great journey but Aelin and Rowan have their happy ending. This chapter is set 5 years after the events of the previous chapter. it's divided in two parts. The first one we have Aelin telling in first person what happened in five years. Part two has a snippet of our beloved Whitethorn-Galathynius family. we get to meet Freyja and Morrigan and a surprise too. I hope you love the girls.

I want to say a massive thank to every single person who read the story, reblogged it or left a comment. Thank you. I am so grateful for all the support you gave me.

I am coming back..  A Little Braver is going well and I hope to be brave enough to post chapter one soon.

And now i'll leave you to the story. Enjoy <3

--------------------

5 years later

My name is Aelin and my story began five years ago. I was once heartbroken and one day I left my old life behind and took a flight to Scotland, and then a ferry and I ended up on this island called Lewis. I am a bookworm and one of the first thing I did once on the island was to go and hunt for a bookstore. And well, you know the story after that. It’s been five years since the day Rowan and I officially tied our lives together at Callanish. As promised we went back there after a year and a day and renewed our vows.

Married life had its ups and downs but Rowan and I fought through every single challenge that came our way. We made it work, we fought for each other as we promised and we love each other just as we did when we began. And some. Every year Rowan has been celebrating the anniversary of the day I arrived on the island and officially entered his life. Sometimes I think he prefers that day to our wedding anniversary. Anyway, as you remember we finished the story with the four of us, Rowan, me and our two girls Morrigan and Freyja. Those two cute bundles of flesh are now two very active five years old driving mum and dad crazy but also being the most precious thing in our life. They will start primary school next month and I am trying not to cry if I think how much they have grown. Physically they are their father’s clone. They both have deep pine green eyes and his same silver hair. Freyja likes it long and loves when either I or Rowan braid it. He has become quite a wizard at braiding our daughter’s hair. Morrigan, on the other hand, prefers it short. But the similarities end with that. Personality wise they cannot be any more different. Freyja is like me. Rowan calls her his wee Fireheart. She is fierce and stubborn. She has a very strong personality and for a five year old she has her ideas clear on what she wants. She is like quicksilver and always active. She is the first one to wake up and the last one to go to bed. She is curious and fearless and loves nature just as much as her father. She is out little hurricane. Morrigan, on the other hand, is the calm one and reserved and she reminds me so much of Rowan. She observes a lot and when you think she is not paying attention, she comes up with question that makes you realise she was listening after all. She has an inquisitive mind and her non stop questions can be exhausting after a long day. She is shy. Where her sister had been since tender age happy to be with anyone, Morrigan has always been very selective. Growing up she has her favourite selection of adults. She is very close to her father, probably because they are very similar, but Uncle Malcolm and Aedion come second. Aedion got her hooked on planes. Once we were at his and Lys’ house and Morrigan grabbed one of his models planes and started playing with it. Aedion had started talking about the plane and now when they are together she always ask him about planes. We think she’ll be a pilot. Both girls are obsessed with books just like her parents and Rowan has taken upon him the job of teaching them to read. Morrigan can read very simple words and write her own name. Freyja would too if she could sit down for more than five minutes. Good luck with the teachers. She is very bright, she just can’t stay still for very long. She was probably the one doing all the kicking while in the womb. The amazing thing is that they get along. It took us a while to teach them to sleep in their individual rooms. For a while in the morning we would find one in the other’s bed. Always curled up together as they used to do when they were little. Freyja at the park always play the protective one and looks after her sister and chases away the kids who try to take advantage of her sister’s calmer nature. If we were in a fantasy I would imagine Freyja being the woman learning to wield a sword and who would train with the guys and dreamed of becoming a knight. Morrigan, I imagine her as the one with her nose in books and who dreams of becoming a healer. I think Rowan is writing a story about them. Oh yes, I will tell you about his book in a moment. There is a further family member that I need to introduce: our son Dalamar. Yes, Rowan and I have scandalised parents at kindergarten with our weird names. Freyja did not cause much problems but a couple of mothers had a go at me for calling my daughter with such as negative name as Morrigan. I usually explain that I do not expect my daughter to become the goddess of war but that simply Rowan and I liked the name. And do not get me started with Dalamar. No-one apparently has read the Dragonlace chronicles so when we say Dalamar is a dark elf in the books, well, the glares we get are incredible. But again, Rowan and I wanted an original name. We started searching in books to find something we liked and then Rowan found his old copy of the Dragonlance chronicles and he suggested Dalamar. I joked that if we truly wanted to scandalise Stornoway, we should have called him Raistlin. So in the end we went for something less alien and settled on Dalamar. Anyway, Dalamar is two. He was planned though. Rowan and I had decided we wanted a big family so once the girls were around three we started to try and add another member. When we had the conversation we had talked about having four kids, but alas, Dalamar’s birth has been so full of complication that my chances of another pregnancy are now non existent. But Rowan and I are happy. We have our big family. So, Dalamar has blond hair, much fairer than mine and very light blue eyes. He is a gorgeous wee boy. In terms of personality he is halfway between his sisters. He can be adorable one moment and stubborn like a mule the next. But at least they get along and again, Freyja has taken him under her wing. She really is our knight in shining armour. Both girls are fluent Gaelic speakers. After they were born I asked Rowan if he wanted to teach Gaelic to the girls and he had been very happy about it. So we decided that he would speak only Gaelic to the girls and I was the boring parents with English, although sometimes I am brave and I practice with them, then I embarrass myself and revert to English. We have started the same process with Dalamar and he is like a sponge. Morrigan sometimes helps me with my exercises and Gaelic homework. I am taking classes as well when I can. It’s quite embarrassing when you are almost forty and your five years old daughter tells you “Don’t worry mum, you are doing great.” And then adds something in Gaelic and you need to wait for your husband for a translation. Kids, aside… our lives haven’t changed very much. Rowan still works at the bookstore and Malcolm’s sister is still his assistant. She had been wonderful and he could easily count on her when he needed to stay at home with me and the kids. The shop is becoming very popular, my Facebook page has now reached many followers and a year after our daughters were born he finally managed to set up a website for online ordering. My dearest husband also managed to write a book, find an editor and have it printed and distributed in some smaller bookstores. Of course I told him to have in his shop. We did a book signing hoopla and I don’t think I ever seen Rowan so embarrassed. Anyway, he wrote a fantasy and as promised I was in it and I was Queen as requested. He was my warrior. Loads of angst and epic battles but we end up together. I am very proud of him. Now he is working on one were our children are the main characters. I have only read the fist few chapters and I love it already. But I am his wife so I am biased. I still work at the hospital and still love my job. I started helping as well as paramedic and specifically in the air squad. The team that gets to be airlifted at the site of accidents and the whole thing required a special type of training and it had been amazing. On occasions, I get to work with Aedion. He flies, I save lives. I wish I could tell the London guys that they were wrong. Working in a small hospital is not throwing away my career. I feel more satisfied than I ever felt when I was down south. Malcolm is still my second and I still adore him. Three years ago he finally got married. After my wedding Aiden went for his last deployment and made it back alive and then retired from the navy. He and Malcolm started dating seriously. A year later they moved in together and a year after that Malcolm finally proposed. Aiden has found a civilian job and well, they got their happily ever after. Another couple who got their happily ever after is Lysandra and Aedion. He proposed about five months after mine and Rowan’s wedding and three months later they were married. They had gone for a very small and private ceremony. One year later they had their fist child a boy named Marcus and now Lysandra is pregnant with their second, a girl. She climbed up again the ladder at the hospital and now she is just one level below the head of the department. Then we have Elias. How can I forget him? He is still in Shetland and we keep in touch and we meet when he is back on the islands. His job is going wonderfully and recently got promoted. Two years ago he got married to Ciara and he is happy and a few months ago she gave birth to an adorable little girl named Martha. She is cute. I have seen her when they came down last month. We remained good friends and both had the happy ending we wanted. We still joke and we love to compliment each other on making marriage number two stick. His book addiction got worse and I think I created a monster. He also bought Rowan’s book and raved about it for months. Then we have Elide and Lorcan. We see each other quite regularly. Every year in July they come to Heb Celt and now they can stay at our place. We have been down to Glasgow a few times and Lorcan yearly provides Rowan with tickets for the Six Nations and we religiously go and see the matches. I am officially a Scotland’s fan and I even learnt Flower of Scotland. The boys are proud of me. Elide is still a teacher and Lorcan still the coach of the Warriors. Their family has gotten bigger as well and they have a boy and a girl and Elide is expecting a third one. Apparently they want a big family too. Oh and Lorcan can smile for more than a second. I must admit I have changed my mind about the man and once he gets comfortable with someone he is actually quite a decent human being. He as a dark sense of humour and us two are usually the ones scandalising the group with dark jokes. Aunt Maeve is still running her cafe and she had been a great help as well while the kids were growing up. She would come up with crazy excuses to offer to babysit them and gave us plenty of chances for me and Rowan to have some time alone. Especially after the two births. She also spoils the girls and love to bake for them. Freyja loves to bake with Maeve and, like me is obsessed with cakes. Also, baking is the only activity when our energetic daughter can stay still for more than ten minutes. Morrigan, on the other hand is fussy as her father and not a fan of sweet stuff. We really got one clone each. Dalamar is still too small but he eats anything. My mum has joined the group as well. She has bought a flat up here and sold the house in London. She decided that she wanted to be a part of her grandchildren lives so she moved up here and she is in good terms with Maeve and sometimes she helps her at the cafe. The two of them cooking are becoming very popular in town.

***

“Come on, let’s go and see dad in the shop.” Aelin took Dalamar’s hand and made sure the twins were walking in front of her. Morrigan started blabbing something in Gaelic but Aelin didn’t understand. “Beurla, mo chridhe,” said Aelin to her daughter. “Tha mi duilich, mum.” Morrigan gave her a toothy smile, showing off her missing tooth. They walked to the shop and once they got in the two girls ran to their father who crouched down and they crashed into him. “I bring chaos.” Joked Aelin while Dalamar was still holding her hand. Rowan had started hosting afternoon for kids in his shop when he would reads books or just have storytelling sessions. He had started during the school holidays to have a way to keep the younger children busy but then it became very popular and he kept going, so once a week the shop is invaded by parents and their kids. The twins loved to listen to their dad tell stories. Dalamar loved it as well but he was far too young to understand what was happening so most of the times he would end up playing with Lys and Aedion’s son Marcus. Aelin reached Rowan and gave him a kiss and the twins made disgusted noises and Aelin laughed “one day you will find a boy or a girl and you’ll want to kiss him or her as well and it won’t be as disgusting,” she said tickling Freyja who was the one who was the most disgusted. “I am going to be a knight. I don’t need a boy.” Added Freyja proudly. “I am going to be a doctor like mum.” Was Morrigan’s turn. “So, a knight and a doctor, I guess we got very lucky.” Rowan pulled Aelin in his arms “looks like the goddess of love wants to fight and is not interested in love and the goddess of war wants to heal people.” “Well, you can’t say that we don’t have an interesting family.” Joked Aelin. Then Rowan bend over and lifted Dalamar in his arms “and you?” He kissed his cheek “what do you want to do?” “Tuathanach.” Replied the boy hugging his father. Aelin laughed and brushed his blond hair “that is lovely, my love.” With time and once they were properly settled down they had decided to dedicate a part of the land they owned to have a small farm. They had a couple of cows, a few chickens and loads of sheep. Dalamar loved to run after the sheep and help his dad look after the animals. That’s why Aelin and Rowan were not surprised when he said he wanted to be a farmer. The twins went behind the counter and grabbed the colouring books that Rowan kept stashed for when he had them in the shop and the pencils and ran to the kids’ table at the bottom of the shop. Rowan placed Dalamar on the floor “Go and colour with your sisters.” “Tha.” And the boy joined the two girls. Aelin leaned exhausted against Rowan. “You look tired.” “They have far too much energy. We went to the park. Freyja ran and jumped the whole time. Morrigan wanted to pat the ducks and almost ended up in the pond and Dalamar chased every single dog or cat.” She explained, looking at their kids with affection “then we had ice cream, we went to say hi to Aunt Maeve and grandma Evalin and Freyja and Dalamar stuffed themselves with carrot cake. Morrigan just had a carrot. She is annoyingly healthy like you.” “My girl.” Said Rowan proudly. “Don’t get me wrong, I love them madly, but I just wished they had just a smidge less energy.” Rowan kissed her forehead “I’ll entertain them tonight and make sure they go to bed early. Hopefully they will run out of energy soon.” “Morrigan and Dalamar perhaps. Not Freyja, that girl has limitless power.” “Just like her mother.” Rowan’s arms squeezed her tight “The girls are going to school next month so hopefully they will calm down a bit.” “I am terrified at the idea of Freyja sitting on a chair all day. I feel sorry for the poor teacher.” Rowan laughed “she might find it interesting and actually sit.” “Ro, she can’t even stay still when you read stories.” He scratched his head “I was thinking we can sign her up for some sport.” “You can take her swimming.” Suggested Aelin. Rowan had kept his job as swimming instructor with Dorian and they had made it work. When the kids were at home she would take them to the swimming complex and once Rowan was done they would all swim together. He had begun teaching the twins to float and some very basics techniques. Freyja had loved it, but she preferred jumping from the smallest platform. Morrigan on the other hand had been a good student and had followed her dad’s instructions and could do a nice basic breaststroke. Dalamar would soak with Aelin with his water wings. He loved being in the water. “She could become one of those athletes who jump from platforms into water. A professional diver. She is surely fearless for a five years old.” “I can see her as a rugby player.” And Aelin laughed. “We’ll let her decide.” “Of course,”Aelin kissed him “Look, some mum and kids are arriving.” Rowan was due to start his storytelling session very soon and mothers, fathers and kids had started to arrive in the shop. Five minutes later Rowan took his position at the bottom of the shop on his chair. All the kids sat on the floor on the colourful mats Rowan had bought. Morrigan and Dalamar would sit at his feet, but Rowan would alway keep Freyja in his arms so he could hold her still for a while. “Thank you everyone for coming this afternoon. Kids, are you all comfortable?” Aelin stood in a corner and stared at him as per her usual. Rowan was such a natural around kids. It had been so easy for him to settle into his role as a dad. He had been amazing with their kids and he’d do literally anything to make them happy. But at the same time he had managed to keep the wonderful balance to prevent them to become spoiled brats whose parents would give them anything. “Today’s story is about a princess. Her name is Aelin.” “Like mum.” shouted Freyja in her father’s arms. “Tha, mo chridhe.” And Rowan kissed her head and a smug smile appeared on the girl’s face. “She is fierce and brave and very, very beautiful. So beautiful that all the princes in the realm wanted to marry her.” Aelin laughed and blushed a bit. “Is there a dragon?” Asked Freyja who seemed had already passed her attention span limit. “Shhh, my love.” But he knew it was a desperate hope. “The princess had been put under a spell by her horrible stepmother who was very jealous of her. She could not enjoy true love with the man she loved until the dragon that held the necklace with the spell was killed. Aelin was in love with the captain of the guard, a man called Rowan. The wicked stepmother had found out and so punished her. She had planned to marry her off to a wealthy old man.” When Aelin noticed Freyja was getting fidgety, she took a chair and sat beside her husband and grabbed their daughter so that he could continue his tale. “Rowan offered to go on a quest and kill the dragon but Aelin refused to be left behind. She was not a damsel in distress. So during the night she gathered some of her stuff, donned her armour and together they set off on an adventure. During their trip he would train her with the sword so she could defend herself. It took them a few months but they did manage to reach the dragon’s lair.” “Dragon.” Freyja was ecstatic and Aelin held her tight. “But while they took the path through the magic forest to reach the dragon lair, Rowan and Aelin got separated. The forest was very dangerous but they were both very brave and fought all the perils and when Aelin finally reached the lair she saw that Rowan was already there but he was injured. She drew her sword and decided to face the dragon alone. In the forest she had discovered that she had fire magic and she wanted to punish the dragon. So she started fighting him, but the dragon was huge and she was getting tired. In that instant Rowan woke up again and walked to her. Together they fought the dragon and eventually killed it and destroyed the necklace, setting Aelin free. She finally kissed him and slowly they returned back home. Once back at the castle, they discovered the wicked mother was gone and Aelin and Rowan decided to get married. They invited all the villagers and they lived happily ever after.” Rowan had to simplify the story to make it acceptable to young kids but they seemed to have liked it. He told a few more stories and two hours later the shop was empty and he was alone again with his family. Dalamar had fallen asleep in Aelin’s arms. Morrigan had gone back to her colouring book and Freyja was pretending to be a knight, swinging around the toy sword Rowan had given her. “I am princess Aelin and I kill dragons.” She shouted while Rowan chased her around the shop. Rowan finally grabbed her and lifted her like a sack of potatoes “dad, the dragon,” she protested while trying to wriggle out of her father’s grip. “Freyja!” Aelin noticed Rowan’s command voice. The one that could actually slow down the little terror. The girl stopped moving and Rowan sat her down beside her sister and she grabbed a colouring book and joined Morrigan in silence. “You really have super powers.” Rowan leaned over to kiss his wife’s head “Give me ten minutes and we’ll go home.”

Half an hour later they were finally at home. Rowan carried a sleepy Morrigan and Aelin carried Dalamar who had been sleeping for an hour now. Freyja had followed in silence, with her sword tucked in the belt loop of her trousers. “I’ll make dinner, you change the kids.” Aelin nodded “Let’s go Freyja it’s jammies time.” The little girl gave her a huge smile and followed her mother with Morrigan at her side. Aelin placed Dalamar on the bed, and helped the two girls change into their night clothes. “Did you have fun at dad’s tonight?” “Yes.” They both squealed. Once they were ready, Aelin tied Freyja’s hair “now go back downstairs to dad but let him cook, okay?” The two girls nodded and left the room. Aelin grabbed her little boy and took him to his room, changed him into his pyjama and tucked him in bed “I love you,” she told him while kissing him on the cheek. Then grabbed the baby monitor and joined the rest of her family downstairs. The twins were on the carpet playing quietly with Morrigan’s planes. Aelin joined Rowan and hugged him from behind “Dalamar is in bed and the girls are playing.” She kissed his back “and your food smells amazing.” “Freyja finally calmed down.” “My mum says that she reminds her of me when I was little.” Aelin squeezed him. He switched off the hob and turned engulfing her in his arms “It does not surprise me.” And he kissed her deeply and Aelin replied in the same manner. He pushed her to the table and she grabbed his butt pulling him to her and she moaned against his mouth. He kissed her neck and Aelin’s hands found their way under his t-shirt. Then she pulled away “Ro, the kids are in the other room and awake.” Rowan leaned his forehead against hers cupping her face in his hands. The kiss he gave her was full of need and love “I know.” He sighed pulling away. Their intimate life had taken a bit of a hit and most nights they were too tired to even try and do something. The last time they had managed to get some action was when Aelin’s mother had kidnapped their kids for an entire weekend four months before. And the mornings were not good either because the twins had the habit of waking up and joining their parents in bed for some family cuddling. Aelin crashed her forehead on his chest “I miss our wall…” she laughed “but I know that I would fall asleep as soon as my back hits it.” Rowan kissed her again “I miss you too.” Then pulled away “Come one, let’s go and feed our hurricanes.” In that instant she heard Dalamar calling her through the baby monitor and five minutes later Aelin was downstairs with a weepy boy in her arms “Someone else is joining us for dinner.” The five of them had dinner and once they were done the kids moved to the sofa and Aelin gave them her old laptop so they could watch their hour of tv. She and Rowan had never bought a tv and the kids never asked for it but allowed them to watch an hour of cartoons on Netflix in the evening after dinner while they cleaned up. Most of times they got bored after half an hour and went back playing until bed time but when they were tired they did manage their hour. “They are watching Totoro again.” Said Aelin, joining Rowan in the kitchen with a pile of dishes then she grabbed a towel and started drying all the ones he had already washed. “They do love Totoro.” He added smiling. “Morrigan the other day said she wants to study Japanese so she could talk to Totoro and Freyja wants to go in the woods to look for him.” Rowan roared with laughter “I love the idea of studying Japanese, though.” “Our two wonderful weirdos.”Aelin stored away all the dishes. Once they were done they got back in the living room and silence reigned. The laptop was on the carpet and the three kids were are all hugged together on the sofa. Dalamar sleeping on Freyja’s chest like in the scene where Mei sleeps on Totoro’s belly, her arms protectively around her brother’s back. Morrigan was snuggled against her sister, her hand holding one of Freyja’s. Aelin gasped at the scene and Rowan pulled her to him and kissed her head “they are finally fell asleep.” He turned Aelin and held her from behind, his chin on her head and his arms tight around her. “This is it, Buzzard. This is my island dream.” Rowan kissed her temple. “This is my dream too.”

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