#also i reflect a lot on opinions i held when i was younger

[zeciex]

I am very interested to know Daemon's opinion about Aemond once Bastion is over. Not just Luke's death, but as a dangerous adversary or not, so far he's the one eyed fucker, someone insignificant. What I like about this rivalry is that it's the same people but on different sides and 20 years younger. As much as Daemon hates him he has to see himself reflected in him.

Oh yeah there's definitely a lot of similarities between Aemond and Daemon, something I keep in mind when I write, and at the same time, if Daemon goes back to the same age as Aemond, then I still think Daemon would body Aemond lol

While they both have a huge ego and sees themselves as a force of nature, Aemond's ego is very inflated--the whole 'if he dares face me' thing like... boy, he'd wipe the floor with you. And I think it stems from the Hightower part of Aemond.

We see in the books that Aemond think of himself as a strategic genius, but he really isn't. He goes directly into a trap because Daemon bruises his ego/he is obsessed with beating Daemon. Daemon plays into this. He knows Aemond thinks of himself as his equal--or even superior, and that's where they differ, because Daemon is very calculated, he knows how to play the game and he takes big risks because he has a better chance of getting away with shit.

Before the Stepstones Daemon did tourneys and was a fucking spectacle, like he was a true showman. He was also put in a position where he could grow as a solider when he was made Commander of the City Watch. Daemon can be charming and he's blunt in a way that makes people like him.

Aemond on the other hand has an inferiority complex. He hasn't been put into a leadership position, he studies and practices with Ser Criston, but he's got no experience just a whole lot of bravado. Which is what ultimately leads him to his death. And while I do think he can be charming--there is something off-putting about him that the general populous of Westeros doesn't like. He doesn't really hold anyone outside of his own close family in high regard, and people notice that. (His trauma and scar and all that of course doesn't help, and he swings around the notion that he's got the biggest nuke of them all, which is fair, but also Vhagar is getting on in her years. He's very proud and it can make him very rigid)

That being said, I do love my little 'if he dares face me' Aemond!

In A Vow of Blood Daemon thinks of Aemond as nothing more than a little annoying child--he never really thought of him before the whole thing with Daenera, and because of the thing with Daenera, he thinks of him as little one-eyed cunt. He doesn't see him as a real opponent, just someone he doesn't like and wants to remove his head from his shoulders. He is a Hightower and he usurped Rhaenyra and he is now holding Daenera hostage...

Aemond will get some reality checks from Daenera that will ultimately make him grow as a tactician/strategist (or so I hope) and I want to make him more... well... I want to make him an actual threat. I want him to be a force of nature as Daemon is.

They are similar, and yet, dissimilar and the only reason they are dissimilar is because Daemon was allowed to be wild and chaotic because of Viserys, while Aemond is held back for the same reason + his Hightower-ness.

#a vow of blood #asked and answered

[punk-pins]

had a really bizarre experience today. cw political conspiracy theories and the racism/antisemitism/islamophobia that entails + homophobia/transphobia. long post, kind of rambling, it’s almost 3am, might delete later.

long story short I was in a situation where I was in a gathering of 4 adult (40s-60s), white, moderately wealthy trump republicans. one of which was my father, a woman who is an acquaintance of my father, and the other two were a couple. my father is a trump republican from the economically conservative side– he’s not on twitter, he like watching the stock market ticker on fox news, he likes the idea of trump as a political outsider. (our relationship is strained for it, and we avoid discussing it.) the woman was a trump republican from the side of so-called culture war– she expresses her views online, she thinks the american youth are devolved from her generation, her husband is a retired police officer so she has a lot of opinions about racism in america.

so obviously this group got to talking politics. this was not a conversation I wanted to participate in, but they were adamant they wanted my participation in it, and I wasn’t in a place where I could leave or refuse without causing larger issues. I was calm, I was safe enough to disclose my views come from being a lesbian, and in general I tried to respond as neutrally as possible.

the woman in particular told me directly, multiple times, how I only hold my opinions because I’ve been indoctrinated. she said “indoctrinated” so many times, it was just absolutely bizarre to say that to someone’s face. she repeatedly interjected that she wanted me to feel safe to share my opinions with her, that she didn’t want me to feel ganged up on, while insisting I wasn’t at fault for anything I said because I was indoctrinated.

in this conversation, I was asked if I believed in the “lgbtqia,” because “there are gay people who don’t believe in it, you don’t have to join,” as if it’s an organization. someone offhandedly mentioned “the transsexual issue.” they discussed a conspiracy theory that obama could have destroyed all racism in america in 2008, but instead allowed an islamic brotherhood to come into the white house take over all foreign policy. that obama still controls the current biden administration as a puppet master. they held a firm belief that the younger generation dislikes capitalism from pure laziness and entitlement.

when I said a lot of younger people don’t see themselves settling into economically conservative views with age because they don’t see the opportunities to gain wealth afforded to previous generations, the couple proudly told me about how they earned everything they had by working through college and getting good jobs. in the same breath, they also told me their daughter (my age) had never worked a day because of her indoctrination, and will be graduating college with what’s basically a mortgage in debt. I said exactly, you were able to pay your way through college and enter the workforce, but that’s impossible for your daughter to do because of increased cost + stagnating wages, plus her degree is now a requirement for entry level corporate work, not a bonus, so she will have a harder time accumulating wealth. they laughed it off because they’re convinced the situation is a moral failing on their daughter’s part, and doesn’t reflect on american economics or their parenting at all.

when it came to gay indoctrination in schools, I said well a hundred years ago left handed students were beaten for not using their right hand, and so all students were right handed. a decrease in anti-gay violence allows more students to express and experiment with how they want to be. it’s not that there’s an explosion of gay people since you were in school, they just weren’t safe to come out before. that bit sort of got through a little, but they were insistent that are “new identities” being pushed onto kids, and how could anyone ever want to be anything but straight? I would’ve lost my shit if we really got into it on these ones, but thankfully the topics shifted.

it was just one bizarre “why would you ever say this to another person in real life?” moment after the next. like are you willfully stupid or do you actually think your generation solved all problems in the world when you decided to settle down, and now everything else is extraneous nonsense made to make you look bad? do you really think your sheltered opinions matter on intercommunity issues? do you not understand how insane and rude and entitled you sound? I never expected or desired to change any of these people’s minds on anything, I was just trying to get through the interaction walking the tightrope of asserting myself so I wouldn’t hate myself after and not devolving into argument that would be counterproductive to the bigger situation going on.

the interesting thing is though, my dad didn’t say a word throughout the entire discussion. I know he agreed with them on a lot of points, but he never spoke against them, or to defend me from pointed comments made towards me. and after, when he was apologizing that it got political, he said he didn’t say anything because he was hoping they would stop. he didn’t try to change the topic, he didn’t speak up for me, he just let it happen, and apologized that it “wasn’t a safe space” for me after. and I think that’s really telling about trump republicans in general. his disapproval was entirely silent because he was not willing to speak against the others on any particular point, even the insane shit, even when it was hurting someone he loved directly in front of him, because that would destroy his credibility in the eyes of the other trump republicans. it really is a fascist fucking movement.

#it was uncomfortable and humiliating and flat out bizarre !

[blackberryblueberry]

A

A had liked it when I held an ice cube in my mouth while going down on them; their voice grew urgent and surprised. The next time I tried it the ice cube was too large; I slipped it into their mouth, and we passed it between us until it was small enough for me to hold it while also taking them in my mouth. I loved the feeling of my mouth being crowded: heat, cold, liquid, salt. Then I passed it back to them and they used it on me.

A was always reciprocating; they reciprocated my energy, my pleasure, even compliments. They responded sensitively to my presence; at our first meeting, shy smiles would break over their face when they saw me gazing at them. They were the first person to try to articulate the quality of my own presence to me. Their way of observing and reacting to me felt new.

On our first date I paid for our food and promptly lost my credit card, and we walked along Myrtle Ave to a book store that sold a specific book I wanted, which I didn’t end up buying, although A bought a book I recommended. I wasn’t sure if I felt attracted to them, but I felt comfortable and safe; I felt that there was space for what I might want, who I might be. 

What I wanted, on some level, was a lover who would not bend my life. Who would not offer me opinions on how to live, who would not slot me into an assistant’s role on a project they wished to complete. I wanted connection and also freedom. Statistically, I was finding that a lot easier to imagine with people who were younger, and A was younger.

But what I wanted, on a very deep level, was to fall in love. And this was an area that was not well articulated. What exactly did I want when I wanted to fall in love? I didn’t know what love was. I didn’t know what love was supposed to lead to. This latter question I found especially difficult to reason through; practical voices urged me to consider relationships with people who were responsible, who could provide stability, who you could “have a future with,” as if the future were something you had a responsibility to produce. It was impossible to feel interested in that: I wanted to love who a person was, and not what they could do for me. But this wasn’t without its pitfalls: would I, in falling in love with who one was, once again wrap myself around their self-actualization and lose myself? And when falling in love with “who a person was,” were we merely falling in love with our own projection of them, our own desire for what we wanted to love? Was this wish to see ourselves exalted in the love we were giving a form of narcissism, of always checking our own reflection in the mirror even as we moved towards another person? Was it so bad to want to construct yourself through love? Would it in any way facilitate us becoming the kind of lover we deserve in one another?

A didn’t want a relationship. There was always something arms length between us. They were kind and considerate and some odd blend of honest and enigmatic, and I perched on the fence between equanimous acceptance of our arrangement and anxiousness and frustration. It was painful to want to be wanted. It took a great deal of patience to try and sit with the discomfort gently, and to stop myself from bending myself out of shape trying to convince someone of my value (never again, dear reader). I waffled between gratitude that A held their boundaries respectfully (it created a small space in which I could explore connection without the option to give up more of myself) and irritation that the contours of our connection was drawn by someone else. I felt myself drawing close to the moment I would need to step off the fence--better sooner, I’d think, rather then later. 

#sex diary

[calypsolemon]

it would be disingenuous to act like there aren’t opinions I held as a young ace about the sort of issues the ace community face that I disagree with now, and there’s attitudes held in factions of the community that I once defended that I now believe to be kinda offensive (partially due to the fact that I also realized I am gay and trans), but like.... I will always be extremely critical of people who assume those bad opinions are core to the ace identity, rather than caused by either misunderstanding from differing queer experiences, or general ingrained bigotry from like... existing in Society. There are absolutely times when aces can be hostile and bigoted towards other sexualities, due to the false perception that those sexualities are more widely accepted than they are. But like, there’s equally times when queer allosexuals perceive aces as privileged in areas they most definitely are not. It’s almost like the tendency to punch down instead of up is incredibly common amongst all minority groups, bc we all live in a world where its easier to vye for the temporary acceptance of our oppressors than it is to fight them. That’s not an excuse for bigoted behavior, but targeting the identity itself as if its the cause is playing the same game. Nobody serves to benefit from community infighting except cishet people.

#ace discourse #only using the tag bc i constantly forget to trigger tag these for someone i hope this works for u #also i reflect a lot on opinions i held when i was younger #and oftentimes its less that i disagree with them on the whole but rather i just had the wrong idea about like #what was causing the problem #or the wrong approach to a solution #you know all the nuance and shit #like assuming my sense of alienation came from individuals expressing their sexuality #and getting mad at that instead of looking at how sex is literally used to sell us shit #or how sex is used as a tool of control in almost all axis of oppression #by either oversexualizing or desexualizing people against their will #those are the things that contributed to my sense of isolation #not people empowering themselves by taking control of their own sexualities #but its easy to feel a sense of isolation and alienation and know you can't do anything about these big axis of oppression #but look at some rando blogger talking about sex positively on tumblr and get mad they're not being ace-inclusive or some dumb shit #i wont pretend that those attitudes were never encouraged by some members of the community bc they most definitely were #but there's stupid people in every group #and equally there's always been asexual people who have fought against those attitudes and had a more nuanced understanding #and its frustrating to like #have this ignored. to have people assume that the problem is just that all ace theory is bad and based in queerphobic rhetoric etc etc #and not that like a bunch of dumb 15 year olds still figuring themselves out and feeling isolated might make some uninformed decisions #of who the real cause of their problems are #and say some dumb shit

[finnlongman]

So I had some Thoughts™ about this reply on my post about YA Twitter. They're not directed at the user specifically (hence I've cropped their username), but about this phenomenon in general.

I think we all agree that we don't like to give our time and money to people who are causing harm, especially when that harm is to our communities and friends. For example, when I find out an author is transphobic, it makes me deeply regret spending money on their books, because why would I want to give money to somebody who hates me and doesn't want me to exist comfortably in the world?

But that isn't the problem with YA Twitter. That isn't what has authors, particularly marginalised and debut authors, terrified to express themselves online in case they become a target. And that isn't what I wrote my post about.

What concerns me is the rise of a kind of... morality policing -- particularly in YA, where adult gatekeepers treat authors as educators rather than entertainers and consider literature to have to be suitable for younger readers. I don't deny that YA authors have a certain responsibility for the stories they tell that goes above and beyond the responsibility an Adult author, writing for an audience with more life experience, would have. But I also think teens are more discerning than a lot of these gatekeepers give them credit for being. They don't need to be spoonfed. They don't need, as somebody jokingly suggested, for every action in a book to be indicated by "(this is moral)" or "(this is immoral)", to be sure where the author stands on the topic.

And yes, some authors do go on social media and explicitly express harmful and dangerous viewpoints. It's clear that those are their views, not those of their characters, and that they have no intention of changing or listening to anyone. The harm they do can be real and intense; readers are totally within their rights to block that person and never read their books if they feel that's best. But they aren't the ones being impacted by Book Twitter, YA Twitter, whatever. They're not the main victims of this culture; they're not the focus of this intense scrutiny that has sprung up over the last few years.

The issue is that there's been this weird trend lately where people make assumptions about what authors believe or what their values are based on what characters in their books do or say. It's similar (and probably connected to) purity culture in fandom -- the idea that if you write something bad, it reflects your own behaviour or at least your own desires. They'll hold the author accountable for every opinion a character expresses. They'll screencap excerpts and quotes and use a character's behaviour as evidence for the author's prejudices. And then thanks to the nature of social media, others, who haven't read the book, will see that and accept it and cancel their pre-order or whatever. But characters ≠ authors! It seems strange that we even have to say this. I don't condone murder just because my protagonist is an assassin, and I hope nobody would assume that I do. Yet I regularly see authors held accountable for opinions expressed by fictional characters.

And that's the trouble with assuming we know somebody's agenda and basing our judgement of them and their work on hearsay. I read a book recently that reviewers had called out for racism, braced for disappointment. But all of the quotes I'd seen floating around social media were either spoken by antagonists and clearly meant to be wrong, spoken by the very acerbic protagonist who was judgemental of everyone (and wasn't praised for being so), or harmless in context. I believed those reviews and felt let down by the author because for a moment I allowed myself to buy into the "fiction as evidence" narrative... but even the fiction didn't hold up to scrutiny as evidence for the perceived beliefs of somebody who has not otherwise displayed harmful, racist behaviour.

Even when an author has unambiguously expressed something "problematic", there's absolutely no opportunity for growth in an approach that takes a "one strike and you're out" angle. Maybe an author did mess up. Maybe they were homophobic at one point, or said something racist out of ignorance. But there's a lot to be said for second chances, and cancel culture doesn't give them. And that ignores the fact that many authors are young; it ignores that nobody is teaching them how to handle social media (there are no PR courses for random YA authors!); it ignores that they may have had a sheltered upbringing. It also ignores cultural differences and language barriers and differences in accepted terminology among different communities. You cannot demand perfection from day one. You can't hold people to impossible standards and then punish them when they fail. If you want people to walk away from harmful groups and viewpoints, they need to have somewhere to go, and shunning them for their past mistakes will not incentivise them to change and grow.

Truth be told, the vast majority of the time, you probably don't know what an author's "agenda" is, or if they even (consciously) have one. Even ten years ago, it would be weird to imagine having the level of access to an author's thoughts and viewpoints that we have now, and I think it's these parasocial relationships that have developed which have led to assuming we can know an author by what they write -- not just on Twitter, as themselves, but in their fiction. And this correlation of art with artist, author with fiction, leads to nitpicking details in books, interrogating authors for their "right" to write about certain topics until they're forced to out themselves or recount their trauma, making assumptions about their views based on those of their characters, and punishing mistakes.

And THAT'S what makes it toxic, way before you hit the level of death threats. That's the issue here; that's what scares authors so much. Not that they'll be called out for their views, but because they'll be harassed for what strangers perceive as their views, or because they'll be constantly forced to violate their own boundaries and expose their private life to defend the artistic choices they made.

So that's a huge part of the toxic Twitter culture I'm talking about -- the one that's based on rumour and hearsay and decontextualised quotes, the one that holds authors to impossible moral standards and allows no forgiveness, the one that equates fiction with reality and punishes anything subversive or risky. The purity culture run rampant that subjects authors to intense and unpredictable scrutiny.

But then alongside that morality policing runs fandom culture and stan culture that violates authors' boundaries and makes it unpleasant for them to talk about their own work, and that harasses authors to fulfil their particular fandom wishes. See Tess Sharpe's experiences with her "fans" who harassed her not because of her "agenda" but because she wouldn't tell them a character's birthday so they could use it for astrology, because she didn't know. See Maggie Stiefvater's decision to walk away from the Raven Cycle world when the Dreamer Trilogy is finished, despite her love of it, because writing alongside online fandom can be unbearable. That has nothing to do with calling people out for their harmful ideas and everything to do with a social media culture that encourages entitlement and boundary violations. Readers now have unprecedented access to authors -- and with great power comes great responsibility, but not everybody is exercising it. And the ones who aren't are creating a cesspit of abuse, even against the authors whose work they claim to love.

This is a side of it that a lot of people "outside" book Twitter don't see, or don't realise is happening. (But I'm pretty sure it started on Tumblr. There's a reason Maggie Stiefvater left this platform a long time before she went updates-only on Twitter; Tumblr is not innocent in this.) This is the dark side of fandom. The entitlement that becomes abuse. The enthusiasm that becomes harassment. The love of characters that becomes demands about the direction of the books which stifle the author's creativity. And the violation of boundary between reader and author where certain readers treat authors as if they're in on the joke -- but an author doesn't know whether a death threat is a joke or not. All they see is violence. And if it happens once, maybe you can brush it off, but it happens to people for months and years on end. Imagine how much worse it is for those with trauma in their past.

All of this to say -- YA/Book Twitter's toxicity runs far deeper than overzealous responses to harmful agendas. Sometimes it's a case of reading agendas into fiction where they don't necessarily exist, but at other times, it has nothing to do with that at all.

#ya twitter #book twitter #booklr #social media #this is a long post and probably somewhat rambly #it is getting late and I'm on my phone

[robininthelabyrinth]

Hey does nie huisang's mother ever come back? I really liked the part where she doted and bonded with mingjue. I think even though she's not human she'd be even more delighted with him and more or less adopt him all over again after seeing how he cared so fiercely for huisang (also I don't think she'd care that guangyao has given up. Try to touch either of her kids and your a dead man... or maybe just mingjue? Since he's human and a LOT younger than her maybe she just goes around killing the people that have the capacity and wish to kill him)

spontaneous sequel to this morning’s fic (ao3 link here)

-

Huli jing were pretty rare, as spiritual beasts went, and that was generally considered to be a good thing - when they were bad, they were very very bad - but Nie Mingjue faithfully followed up on every possible lead regardless, putting it out among the other cultivation sects that he had a special interest and would appreciate - with monetary remuneration, even - a heads up should one ever show itself.

Mostly this meant following up on a lot of false leads, including, in one somewhat embarrassing case, an actual fox that had stolen the local farmer’s prize goose.

Still: family was family, and so he kept it up.

He had to stop during the war, naturally, and in the period immediately following it when his health had gotten very bad for a while, although luckily the dragon managed to fix it back up, and he’d been doing very well ever since. Lan Xichen had wondered if it was Clarity and Jin Guangyao had refused to talk to him for a month for some reason, but that wasn’t that important.

He was feeling better now, so he started following up on leads again. Nie Huaisang was coming up on his first quarter-century very soon, and that was supposed to be a big event - his first tail! - and books were all well and good but someone, anyone, with experience was better.

Ironically enough, he found what he was looking for on a scheduled hunt that wasn’t anything anyone had identified as a huli jing, but rather what appeared to be rather a great deal of nu gui appearing all at once near Lanling, enough to make a notorious womanizer like Jin Guangshan start to sweat. They’d all been making the rounds, all the various Great Sects together - even Jiang Cheng had joined in, as well as Lan Wangji, recently emerged from seclusion with a scowl firmly on his face.

“Why do you think they’re aiming at the Jin sect?” Lan Xichen wondered aloud as they walked around the edges of an abandoned village very close to Lanling - one of the trouble spots. “It’d be one thing if it were one of them, but so many...?”

“My theory is that someone is murdering all of Sect Leader Jin’s outside women so that they’ll go after him,” Jiang Cheng said, then glanced at Jin Guangyao. “No offense meant, of course.”

Jin Guangyao waved a hand dismissively. He’d started loosening up in the time since he met the dragon, revealing a bit more of his sharper and nastier side in a way that made Nie Mingjue respect him more than all of his fake softness had, and for some reason that had made Jiang Cheng warm right up to him. All for the good, in Nie Mingjue’s opinion, since they were all but co-raising that nephew of theirs...

“Who would do that, though?” he asked. “It’s as if they bear him a grudge, but it seems like a roundabout way of going about -”

“Dumpling!”

Nie Mingjue stopped moving.

There was a woman standing in the door to one of the village houses. Like a nu gui she was dressed all in red, but her flesh was ruddy and her complexion vibrant; her luxurious hair looped in a widow’s braids but her figure just as gorgeous as it had ever been.

She held out her hands towards Nie Mingjue, smiling. “Oh, cabbage bun, meat pie, my darling! How have you been?”

“...did she just...”

“Right to Chifeng-zun‘s face?”

Nie Mingjue put Baxia away.

“Mingjue-xiong?” Lan Xichen asked, frowning. “You should be careful; we had heard that this village was abandoned of all human life.”

“No one who calls Chifeng-zun a cabbage bun could be human,” Jiang Cheng mumbled under his breath. 

“Second mother?” Nie Mingjue called tentatively as he approached, and ignored how the cultivators around him all abruptly went silent and slack-jawed. “Is that you?”

“Naturally,” she said. “You don’t think I’d miss my baby’s birthday, do you? After you did such a good job taking care of him, too! Oh, my little carp, I’m sorry it took so long. I had to cut one off to escape, you understand, and once you do that you’re really rather stuck until you gather enough power to get back to full strength...would’ve been a touch awkward, wouldn’t you say?”

She certainly talked about as much as Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue reflected.

“He’ll be happy to see you,” he said. If this was the wrong huli jing - and he wouldn’t be shocked if it was, what with the way they changed faces - and a trick was being played, it wouldn’t work on Nie Huaisang. “Were you planning on staying long? Just the birthday, or...?”

He wasn’t giving up Nie Huaisang to anyone at all, not even his birth mother.

“I hadn’t quite decided,” she said, nodding in a way that meant that she understood his meaning and didn’t intend to dispute it; he relaxed at the sight of her agreement. “I got a little distracted, actually. Don’t think I didn’t hear about what that nasty man tried to do to you!”

“Nasty man?” Nie Mingjue asked, puzzled. “Do you mean Wen Ruohan? That was ages ago.”

“Not him, my gooey little egg! That nasty Jin sect leader, all sly and underhanded tricks - not that I mind sly and underhanded tricks, of course, least of all murderous ones - but I mean, really. The gall of that man, thinking he could snap up my little morsel before I could!”

“...does she like Chifeng-zun or want to eat him?” Jiang Cheng whispered.

“Unknown,” Lan Wangji murmured back.

“Shhh,” Lan Xichen said. “A-Yao, are you all right? You’ve gone terribly pale...”

“Anyway, chicken wing, I decided to bring back all of his nightmares to haunt him,” she chattered on cheerfully, throwing her head haughtily, the eyes of all the men and women irresistibly followed the graceful lines of her neck and shoulders, though most of them were able to pull their eyes away a moment later. That was her mercy, rather than their strength; she was a strong enough huli jing to entrap a sect leader, and Nie Mingjue’s father had been no slouch, even if he had bad taste in bed partners. “It’s been ever so much fun.”

Nie Mingjue sighed. “Second mother,” he said. “I thought I asked you not to kill people? As a special birthday favor to me?”

“Oh, pork chop, I know! I haven’t forgotten - no killing people around you, I remember, I remember. I haven’t killed anyone...well, in connection with this, anyway. I just had a little chat with some of my underworld friends and brought the ones who’d already died back.”

Nie Mingjue’s eyes shot straight to a - by now - even more pale Jin Guangyao. “Uh,” he said. “By chance, second mother, did you happen to pass by Yunping...?”

“Such a sweet little tanghulu you are! I could pop you right into my mouth and never frown.” He was only a few steps away from her now, and she danced forward to pat him on the cheek. “Don’t worry! I know how much you care for your friends. I made sure not to send A-Shi anywhere those mean old cultivators could get her.”

“A-Yao! Oh, someone help me, I think he’s stopped breathing - come, sit down -”

“You really need to stop bringing back nu gui,” Nie Mingjue decided to say instead of dealing with...that. “They’re not getting past Jinlin Tower’s defenses anyway, and we’re worried about collateral damage.”

His second mother heaved a sigh. “I know, I know,” she said. “I had the same thought as you, meatball, about the defenses. You caught me just as I finished upgrading.”

Nie Mingjue didn’t like the sound of that.

“Of course, it isn’t working out right,” she added, pouting. “You’d think someone who got accused of being a demon so often wouldn’t be so picky about who he’s being asked to murder.”

“I already told you that I’m not a vicious ghost!” a surprisingly familiar voice retorted from inside the house. “I refuse to go around killing people!”

“Oh no - now Jiang Cheng’s fallen down, too! Wangji, could you - Wangji? Wangji!”

Nie Mingjue covered his face with his hand. “You brought back Wei Wuxian.”

“I brought back Wei Wuxian,” his second mother agreed. “I thought it’d be poetic justice - the wronged man come back for revenge. But he’s being persnickety about it, so I have half a mind to just let him go.”

“Good idea,” Nie Mingjue said, deciding to just - let it go. Someone else could deal with it. Possibly Lan Xichen, since it sounded like everyone else had fainted. “Anyway, you’re far too busy to pursue vengeance right now.”

“I am?”

“I know how much you like to throw parties. Don’t you want to help me plan Huaisang’s twenty fifth?”

“Oh!” She clapped her hands. “Absolutely! We can invite positively everyone that tried to get in your way and show off how good a job raising him you did!”

Nie Mingjue thought back over all the creatures he’d ever encountered.

“We’re going to need a bigger venue.”

#mdzs #nie mingjue #nie huaisang's mother #jin guangyao #lan xichen #lan wangji #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #my fic #my fics #I literally just saw this ask and went HAVE TO WRITE THAT #so congrats #you win the fic lottery #mistkissedmoon #child development

[riathedreamer]

Zero is Null

A discussion of Zero’s love-hate-relationship with RvB and struggling independence; including a hotdog too big for the bun, tragic backstories, a single bow-chicka-bow-wow, and a cookie at the very end.

Welcome to what will be a lot of text. Basically, it will explore why Zero fails as an RvB (with emphasis on RvB) season. I will not be the first one to bring forth some of the points, and I promise to be fair and civil and fun. This isn’t supposed to be a piece of hate – in fact, I’m writing this because I love Red vs. Blue.

Okay, first of all, to increase your fun – take a guess on just how much of Zero is spent on fight scenes. You see, I’ve calculated the exact amount, and I will reveal it later, but for now, take a guess and remember the number. Maybe you are the winner!

Alright, time to share my thoughts. Wait! Since I suffer from anxiety and have this one annoying voice pretending to be all those critical statements my opinion could be met with, let’s give it an actual voice and address the points throughout this review.

“Why would I care about your opinion, Ria?” – I don’t know, you’re the one who clicked Read More.

“Your opinion doesn’t matter!” – Of course, it doesn’t! Geez. Do you think your opinion matters, though? Listen, we’re on Tumblr, the actual equivalent of screaming into the void. And it’s fun, too!

“If you don’t like it, don’t watch!” - *activates Uno Reverse Card* “You can’t talk about something you haven’t watched!”

“You’re just a Hater” – Actually, this is a point I’ll come back to. Like a cliffhanger. Also, at the end of this, there’ll be a cookie. But this will also include me talking about the stuff I like, because, surprise, Zero is not without talent!

“You just don’t like it because the Reds and Blues aren’t in it!” – Actually, that’s a good point, so instead, this review will start with a sole focus on Zero and discuss the problem that lies within that story. Then we can address why the lack of OG cast is understandable and problematic and weird.

But first! Backstory.

When the first 5 second teaser dropped back in spring (you know, when we were young and innocent and the world didn’t feel like an apocalyptic movie yet), I held onto that one image of what I thought (hoped) to be Grif and Simmons in the sunset, hopefully addressing Grif’s hateglue arc, but boy was I wrong because a) that’s not Simmons, that’s Sarge, and b) the image was from a PSA since the Reds are not in Zero.

Actual face-reveal of me below:

Admittedly, when I heard that the Reds and Blues were not going to be the main characters (or even show up), it felt like a gut punch. However, I actually found myself getting excited due to the creators’ hype. I want to praise them for this. It’s been a while since an RvB season was talked so much ABOUT before its release; it had advertisements, it had creators and voice-actors talking about it. Please. More of that in the future. Their passion rubbed off on me, and that deserves recognition. So it pains me that this was clearly a passion-project, and then when I gave it a try, I didn’t want to touch it again for weeks.

Here’s the thing. I cannot whole-heartedly say that Zero is bad. It’s not gonna melt your eyes. It’s not even so-bad-it’s-good. For me, it’s meh. It’s a Saturday-morning-cartoon aimed for a younger audience with a rushed plot and clichéd characters. The problem is that it calls itself RvB, and with that title comes something to live up to – but more importantly, something to continue.

My main issue is that Zero forces its story into existence by ignoring established content rather than adjusting to it. Let’s call this for the hotdog-too-big-for-the-bun syndrome solely for the sake of the bow-chicka-bow-wow that’s coming now. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. Many of the separate issues I will dive into all add to this hotdog-issue, so I will scream “Hotdog!” whenever this is the case so we can all keep track of my argument.

You can continue the story of Red vs. Blue without the Reds and Blues. While that would personally crush my heart, it can be done. There’s a story of Red vs. Blue that can be continued. The world can be expanded, the previous actions of the Reds and Blues can be explored from another angle.

So.

How does Zero do this? It doesn’t.

I just want to make it clear that new elements can definitely be added when it comes to worldbuilding. That’s literally the point of sequels. But Zero’s settings are presented with so little grace and with no connection to previously established worldbuilding. We get Alliance of Defense and GLASS thrown in our face as very big important organizations – yet we’ve never heard of them before. A big central plot point of RvB is the UNSC and Project Freelancers, and those were introduced naturally with the plot. We already have big established intergalactic organizations. What is AOD’s connection with those? We aren’t told. We are just told they exist and expected to accept it, no questions asked. If this was a whole new world and story – fine. But when you need to build on an already established worldbuilding, you need more grace than this. Chorus was a whole new setting, but it was explained, and it was connected to the previous plot. Same with Iris. Same with Desert Gulch. In Zero, it feels lazy. It feels forced. These organizations are just there because the story is built around them (HOTDOG).

This vagueness when it comes to wordbuilding is also reflected in the settings - we have a desert, a training base, a lab, temples, Tucker’s workplace, and we do not know if all those are set place on the same planet. If that is the case, what is this planet’s relationship with Chorus? Is it Earth? And most importantly, what is the deal with the temples? Why are they connected to Tucker’s sword if it isn’t the same planet. Are they made by the same aliens? Are people okay with this? Why haven’t these temples been explored before? Chorus makes sure to establish this, while Zero doesn’t, adding to a growing amount of confusion.

Okay, so no connection with previous worldbuilding. What about characters? I mean, we got Wash and Carolina and Tucker! So we have RvB characters, it gotta be RvB! Technically – yeah. But it feels dirty. These three characters are not here to be characters. They are here to be props to the new cast. They are not given any development. Their presence isn’t even that important, and if this was a whole new show, they could easily have been replaced with an unknown face. Worst of all, they feel miswritten.

Carolina and Wash are working at a new military organization? Leaving the Reds and Blues behind? To help people? First of all, fucking bad idea, Carolina, the last time you left the Reds and Blues alone, they changed the timeline. But most importantly – Carolina and Wash just joined this new super elite military organization? After being mistreated and manipulated by such an organization in the past?

Carolina is there to introduce the characters. That’s it. We are force-fed their personality by having her literally read out loud their personality. There is no gentle introduction to the new cast. We are not allowed to get to know them naturally. Why show when you can tell, huh? That’s Carolina’s role. That’s why she is there. To introduce the cast and explain their story. That’s it. (HOTDOG).

How about Wash? He is there to get beat up and be a damsel in distress so that the new cast has a reason to explore the plot. Oh, and that brain damage that was the consequence of previous seasons – gone now. The guy who literally has trauma from having an AI explode inside his head is fine with having a computer inserted into it instead. Because that’s needed. To explore his brain damage wouldn’t work now when his role is to be a prop to lure the new cast for one episode and then be put onto the bench for the rest of the runtime (HOTDOG).

And Tucker – he is there to die for a second and have his sword taken from him. That’s literally it. And for the few moments he is there, he feels like old super flirty Tucker, which erases the character development he went through in previous seasons. Okay, so Tucker dies, and then not dies, and then he is put on the bench with Wash where they can sit and talk or whatever (‘cause holy shit, the new cast is not allowed to that), because he isn’t important. The sword is. Tucker is just a prop, even more than his sword is (HOTDOG).

Damn. Wash gets beat up. Tucker gets beat up. Dies. Gets his sword taken away. Almost seems like a Red’s wet dream. Sorry not sorry, Blues, you were done dirty.

So there are miswritten old characters. Even worse is the retconning. The plot needs a “normal” Wash, so, bam, magic computer solution. Never mind Wash’s trauma and character traits. Never mind the logic of the new worldbuilding which also includes a character suffering for years to heal an illness. But the brain damage that was such a big consequence that it became the main part of the plot of the last two seasons – gone. I mean, a gunshot to the head can be healed by CPR. That’s canon. But no one gave Wash CPR so it’s a big thing, okay. It was canonically a big thing, and Zero erased that. This is not me saying that a Cerebral Enhancer couldn’t work in the RvB universe. Imagine it being done right. Wash struggling with the choice of getting used to his disability or accepting the possibility of help - at the cost of reliving his trauma. The struggle between what to choose - what should he choose when he wants to help as many as possible, the sacrifices he thinks he has to make, the way it could have been used as a part of his character growth. But in Zero, the enhancer isn’t a part of Wash’s character. It’s there so the story can work without having to deal with the previous plot’s consequence (HOTDOG).

Same with the sword thing. They sorta explain it by having Tucker flatline, but it’s weak. Honestly, I find it sorta offensive. What about Locus’ sword as well? It’s twisting previous lore to make the new plot work (HOTDOG). (Also, are we not gonna talk about the ultimate power being Spencer Porkensenson’s helmet? Have the writers forgotten Spencer Porkensenson? Have we as a community forgotten Spencer Porkensenson?)

If you have Red vs. Blue in your title, you cannot ignore what you inherit from it. You need to respect the worldbuilding, the established characters, and the previous plot. Zero does not do this.

Let’s talk about the Triplets. No, really, let’s do it. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about them before, because season 14 was a mixed bag for me (that I have now learned to appreciate. Thank you, Zero.) because I have heart at the size of the Grinch and can only love a few characters at a time, and that did not include the Triplets. Can’t even remember their names. Well, I can, but I can’t for the love of me remember which state is which, and my tongue is twisted every time I try to say Ohio, Iowa, and Idaho, and I know it’s on purpose. I know it is. And it got me good. That being said, the fandom actually embraced them really, really well! Seriously, I’ve seen more content for the Triplets than for Zero as a whole.

Why talk about the Triplets? (Was Iowa the lesbian? Or was it Ohio? Fuck.) Because like Zero, they introduced new characters with a story of their own. The Reds and Blues didn’t play a role. But here’s what I feel like the Triplets got right. They didn’t change the settings to force their narrative. They used stuff already established (Project Freelancer), added their own story as a continuation of that. They even included old characters in the beginning (Wash and some other Freelancers) but it felt natural and it didn’t feel like it happened at the expense of the old characters. Wash’s writing felt natural, and his presence wasn’t needed to tell these new character’s stories. He wasn’t a prop to them. He was there to establish the setting and to establish the relationship with these new characters, and then he and the other familiar faces (helmets??) left, and we as the viewers were left with these new characters. And the new characters told their own story by themselves. It felt like, hey, here’s something you know – remember Mother of Invention, and remember Wash’ lower rank, but now, try to imagine being even lower rank than him, aren’t you curious about those fates? Now let’s hear their story! It was new, it was something else, but it didn’t wreck what came before it, and it stayed true to the classic vibes of RvB.

As I said before, the hotdog-issue is my biggest problem with Zero. It infuriates me. I will return to this. But there are more issues, even if we try to look past the title-related problems.

If we try to imagine Zero as its own story and universe (as it should be, in my opinion), it still earns the meh review from me.

These isolated issues include awkwardness, the writing, lack of self-awareness, and pacing. First of all, holy shit, this is a tell, don’t show. Nothing is subtle, nothing is allowed to develop. It’s like the show thinks you are six years old with an attention span of a goldfish. You are not just led by the hand – they have literally pulled off your arm by the end of the show. We are force-fed every bit of information, every bit of personality from these new characters.

The voice-acting is a mixed bag for me. Sometimes it’s pretty good, sometimes it’s not. Some of the problems can definitely be blamed on the dialogue that you can only do so much with. It’s not good. I can’t remember any good jokes (the one joke I really appreciate was the cast on armor, and that was freaking visual humor. That was so RvB. Kudos to that. It was fun. More of that, please.), and RvB is known for having memorably good lines. This is a show built on good, clever, funny dialogue. Zero does not deliver. You have to sit through clichéd lines – “You’re not my dad”, “I trusted you”, “Come with me”, “It can’t be!”, “She’s way too powerful”, and “We have to do this together” – performed unironically. I cringed more than I laughed. Worst thing is that Zero could be a good parody. Sometimes, it feels like it is. One-dimensional characters, a villain wanting ‘the ultimate power’, very overpowered characters, bad one-liners, etc. But Zero takes itself seriously, and I was one of the people rooting for Jax to show up at the end and yell “Cut”. That would have been a funny-as-fuck twist. A spin-off parody. If I can’t have “Sarge the Movie”, I would have taken that and loved it. I would have forgiven everything. “We put so much info into finding that power, but we had no idea what it was” is really a line in the finale, and I cannot believe this is real in a show that somehow still tries to present itself as serious. What a plot.

We have to talk about pacing. God, first of all it should be stated that RvB is a mess when it comes to pacing. I honestly get what they were going for. Sometimes, RvB has come across as a bit boring when you get three episodes stretched over three weeks without much going on. I know season 11 did not have the warmest welcome because it was seen as boring until the finale. But when you see season 11 as a whole, as a movie, as a part of a trilogy, it works so well. Zero is more focused on being episodic. They want something to happen all the time so we will stay tuned. The thing that will happen – a fight. Oh god. The fight scenes.

I have done the math. I have run the numbers. I deserve a freaking cookie for this. Are you ready?

If you put all the episodes together, you have a runtime of 106 minutes. HOWEVER, with the introduction of credits in every episode, you gotta account for this. Removing the credits, this gives us 94 minutes of actual runtime. Out of that, 45 minutes are dedicated to fight scenes. That means 48% of the show is fight scenes.

If I wanted that many fight scenes, I’d watch Death Battle. Except the actual RvB Death Battle episode has a runtime of 20 minutes, and out of that, 5 minutes is dedicated to the actual battle. For the people who hate math – that’s 25% of the actual runtime.

RvB Zero has more fight scenes than a show called Death Battle. Take that in.

The pace suffers from this. Where’s the time to explore the characters? Where’s the time for good dialogue? All I can think of is this:

I get that RvB is a show that’s literally making fun of itself by acknowledging all their characters do is stand around and talk. I get that you want characters to do more than that. But for the love of Church, would it kill the new characters to stand around and talk? For just a minute? Stop fighting, I am begging you, stop fighting! Am I a pacifist now? Am I purple? Have I joined Doc’s team? What has Zero done to me?!

The good thing though is that fight scenes are very good. They’re entertaining. However, they seem to deconstruct themselves when we need to get a fight scene in every episode. Usually, the few fight scenes in an RvB season were in some of the most climatic episodes. In Zero, I can hardly keep up with the pace because they won’t stop moving. Fight scenes aren’t plot. They aren’t character development. You need more than just fight scenes. They entertain, but there’s a limit to that.

Noël Wiggins, the co-writer, stated the inspiration was a Saturday-morning cartoon. They nailed that vibe. If that was their goal, hurray, they have accomplished something! Because of the poor plot and constant fight scenes, it feels like you could just switch on the TV and drop in at any moment and let yourself be entertained by the cool and colorful soldiers punching and kicking each other. I will admit that the fight scenes entertained me. But they don’t make it a good season.

If I were the six-year-old with the attention span of a goldfish that the show believes I am, I honestly would enjoy it. The stiff dialogue and the constant tell-don’t-show makes you feel like an audience that’s not supposed to do anything else but admire the flashy fight scenes. I miss the cleverness of RvB. I miss the characters I get to connect with as I see them grow.

I miss the tone of RvB. Because this isn’t RvB to me.

It’s not that RvB hasn’t changed its tone before. Holy shit, I sorta do want to experience the absolute shock the RvB fandom went through when s6 aired and they were given new characters and serious plot. I would have loved to experience that, but I was too busy being ten years old. The Freelancers seasons also introduced a new tone and more fight scenes with very talented fighters compared to the Blood Gulch gang, but a balance was kept by having half of the season still revolving around the Reds and Blues. But Zero – Zero is so much change. And it’s on purpose. At least this has been made very clear from the beginning.

They constantly seem to appeal to new fans, rather than be directed towards older fans of the show. If you want an entirely new audience with a season with a new cast, new worldbuilding, and new tone, I’m confused as to why they don’t just make a new show. The hotdog-problem begs for this solution. This story and environment and characters feel so out of touch with the original RvB, that with a few rewrites and lack of Halo-armor, it could just be a new show. Problem solved.

If not this, then present it as a spin-off. In all ways, it feels like a spin-off (again, see everything marked HOTDOG). But the creators refuse to do this, and I don’t understand why. I could forgive many of these issues, had they officially separated themselves from canon.

Ah, what’s the idiom? You can’t both swallow and blow? (You can hear the Bow-chicka-bow-wow in the distance). Something about eating cake and having it. Forgive me, English isn’t my native language. POINT IS why are you calling yourself RvB while actively fighting against the core essence of RvB? In my humble opinion, you can’t be both. Marketing it as a spin-off would have granted it some defense when changing, well, literally everything, and I just, would someone please properly describe why it isn’t a spin-off? Isn’t this season marked by its association with the plot of RvB rather than a continuation of it? Zero presenting itself as not a spinoff feels like a toddler clinging to the hem of its mother’s dress while forcefully running away from her, ripping the dress in the process.

When they do connect with the original RvB, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. When they let Carolina, Wash, and Tucker appear for a moment, it feels like luring viewers in with the RvB title. Look at me. Look at me! I’m not saying this is the case. I say that it gives me the annoying vibes of being lured, rather than letting the characters be a part of the show for their own development, rather than having RvB in the title to continue its story. I should not be getting these vibes at all. But I am.

If you want to use RvB in the title, something from the core of RvB needs to be embraced. Things can be changed. They should. Something new should be brought in. But there’s a limit to how much you can change and replace and twist until it would have been better with an original show. As a season of RvB, it should tell the story of Red vs. Blue.

From my perspective, Zero fails to do so.

It pains me that the old cast has been replaced, but as stated earlier, a season could have worked without them. However, I do not like the take that one should be excited about all the new characters. That it isn’t a big thing that the OG cast got replaced. That we should just deal with it. Just, try to imagine another show suddenly replacing the main characters with characters we’ve never met before. Imagine RWBY suddenly only focusing on a new team of huntresses with the previous main characters reduced to an Easter Egg presence, or Camp Camp suddenly being about a new team of campers, no warning given. Can you imagine the outcry? So maybe let’s agree that a replacement of the main cast is a big thing and should be addressed and it’s valid to be upset about this change.

Could Zero have worked? It’s hard to answer this. How can I accept something as RvB if the season actively pushes away the core of RvB aside for an isolated story that could have been told in any other media? As a spinoff, I could have ignored it. To enjoy Zero, I have to fully separate it from RvB in my mind, and then it’s alright. S’not good. But it’s not bad. It’s entertaining enough. I really ended up liking Raymond and Tiny, and there were a few good jokes, and the fight scenes were admirable (but too much) and I love the creators’ passion. But it’s not RvB. I also wish that the new characters had been attached to previous worldbuilding, for example soldiers on Chorus or agents from Project Freelancer. That way we could build on familiar lore which would have decreased the confusion and added a much needed connection with the previous seasons of RvB.

God, the anxious voice is back (by the way, it sounds like Tutter from “Bear in the Blue House”).

“You’re racist” – I hope not. Literally, I do not want to be. Tell me if I’ve ever crossed some lines, because I swear, that is not my intention, I will apologize and most of all, change and do better. I included this because I’ve seen this take thrown around in the big ugly mess that is the fandom clashes regarding Zero. And racism is problem within RT community (this includes AH and RvB, sorry, I just use RT as an umbrella term for the latter), and I’m not saying it hasn’t been a problem with this season. Writers should never be harassed, and never-fucking-ever because of their skin color, and voice actors shouldn’t be treated like they are responsible for the choices of the show. But I was legit nervous to post this review, and I hope it’s been factual without feeling like personal attacks on the creators because that has never been my intention. I was delighted to hear about the diversity behind this project, and Torrian’s passion legit blew me away because it’s been a while since I’ve seen that for an RvB project. I’d hoped for it to be good, and when I feel disappointed, it’s for the reasons stated in this analysis. That said, Zero is made by a diverse cast and it’s made with love, and both of those things are so, so great, but it does not mean that Zero cannot be criticized. It can, and it should. It’s a product, just like all the other seasons, and fans are allowed to discuss it – both what they loved, and both what they found troublesome. And to repeat previous points, and be respectful, always, fuck racists, and never-fucking-ever harass the staff behind a season, what the fuck is wrong with you if you do this.

“Don’t you get it, it’s different because it’s trying something new!” – Hey, remember the philosophical question: if you replace all the parts of a ship one-by-one, is it still the same ship when you’re done? If it doesn’t include the Reds and Blues, if it ignores previous plot, if the old characters feel miswritten, if it values animation over dialogue, if it values fight scenes over comedy, if it wants to be Fast and Furious instead of Red vs. Blue – is it still Red vs. Blue? Because it doesn’t feel like it to me.

“It's been 17 seasons, it’s time to let the Reds and Blues go so someone else can shine!” – I simply do not understand us having been with the Reds and Blues for 17 seasons should be an argument to let them go, rather than be an argument as to why their absence hurt like hell.

“The Reds and Blues ran out of things to do!” – Did- did they, though? I mean, if we were discussing pretty much any other show, I’d probably agree that they were running out of content. But for the Reds and Blues… I think the PSAs nailed it this year! I’m not kidding, I had more fun watching the Reds and Blues discuss how to do laundry than watching Zero. You could literally give me an hour of the Reds and Blues trying to bake a cake or clear a gutter or simply settling down with an ordinary life, and I would trust them to make it worth the watch.

“The flaws were due to the fact it’s only 8 episodes long!” – Look, I can only judge a product the way it’s presented to me. I cannot come up with excuses for it. If they had 8 episodes to work with, they need to come up with a plot that works with this runtime. Seriously, this excuse cannot work when 48% of the season is spent on fight scenes. They could have used more runtime, sure, but the show needs to be able to pace itself and be planned accordingly.

“The OG cast couldn’t be a part of this year, hence Zero!” – That might be true. But. Would one year without RvB kill it? Is Zero necessary? Again, I just can’t judge excuses for the show. But trouble with the cast has been an issue before. Season 15 solves Geoff’s sabbatical by actually making Grif’s absence a part of the plot. Zero’s lack of Reds and Blues just feels like this excuse to tell a story that needn’t be a part of RvB.

Am I a hater? I guess? I greatly dislike Zero for the critique stated above. I do, however, not harass the creators and no one should ever do that. However, I have to admit that I feel there’s been this weird rejection of any critique of Zero where everything’s been brushed off as haters gonna hate, including the critique stated above. And I think that’s a problem because critique, as hard as it can be to hear (and I know this. I’m an author of original works. Weird flex, I know), is valid and necessary and shouldn’t just be shrugged away. As always, both sides of the fandom should always be respectful, but my own opinion is that addressing the flaws of Zero should not be controversial.

Does this super long rant/critique/whatever mean you cannot enjoy Zero? Gods no! I almost envy you if you enjoy this season, but holy shit, feel free to love it and tell the creators that you love it! Me pointing out the issues I have with the season shouldn’t be stopping you. I loved (and still love) s15 when it came out, and it was majorly rejected by the fandom. There were many, many critical posts, people were going on about how RvB should have ended with s13, and it evolved into the writer receiving death threats (me, once again: never ever harass the creators, assholes). But I didn’t tell people to stop being negative. I actually agreed with many of the flaws that were pointed out, and I enjoyed the season despite this, because that is possible. We, as RvB fans, should agree that RvB, is... I mean, it’s not the greatest, most flawless of shows, but we love it nonetheless. So go ahead and love Zero. This is not a stop sign. This is my opinion that you chose to read.

Wait, I promised you a cookie, didn’t I? Well, you’re not getting one. Why? Because I’m a Red and this is my chance to piss off a Blue. As Caboose wisely said: “Well, at least I don't go around... knocking on people's non-doors... and promising them cookies... and then NOT. GIVING. THEM. COOKIES!”

Blue Team sucks.

End speech.

#rvb zero #rvb #rvb zero critical #rvb critical #rvb0 #my rvb stuff #pls dont hate me for this #this is my honest opinion that people apparantly wanted to hear #as a standalone story zero isnt totally bad #as an rvb season it is

[almosttenaciousmoon]

Hey, i just wanted to comment on your last post about acotar ande sarah. So here my thoughts: (also if something i said doesn't make sense that's probably because english is not my first language, but i'm pretty sure you can get what i'm trying to say- i'm not sorry tho, i don't have any respect for this stupid language🥰)

So I 100% agree with everything you said. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I find it incredibly surprising how many people actually believe that acotar is actually good. I mean, I like it, but I can like something while admitting that it sucks.

As for Sarah, she is clearly a problematic person and this is reflected in her books and characters, rhysand is a perfect example of this, she romanticizes A LOT of his extremely toxic behavior and gives so many justifications for his - many times - abusive attitudes (which shouldn't be justified at all) that it ends up completely blinding the reader to the fact that he is an extremely problematic character and that he shouldn't be put on a pedestal like he is by the fandom and her. She just really wants us to belive that he is almost the perfect guy and that he invented feminism or something like that. Amren is another great example, in acosf she just straight up brings up the idea of imperialism to the table when she sugests that rhysand should become high king, i don't know how americans (US american) people took that scene since the united states is a pretty imperialist country, but it was SO disgusting and you can really tell that Sarah didn't see it that way, she really just thought it was a innocent and harmless scene, and i'm blaming that on her being 1: a white US american and 2: extremely uneducated and dumb

@lightwood-bane13 wanna be mutuals?

You covered one of MANY reasons as to why I really don't like acotar. SJM as we've both said is a very problematic author known for bad POC rep among other things. As a POC woman myself, it is hurtful to see miss representation in media.

SJM is undoubtedly a famous author, so it scares me how she's resembling J.K Rowling (another known problematic author). She's falling into the trap of romanticising toxic behaviour and abusive attitudes. This, I believe is the thing that scares me most about her influence.

Her readers are reading about these romanticised toxic relationships and because acotar is still classified YA a lot of younger readers reading this may inherit these ideals. It is no question the books we read, even of the fiction variety; can impact us. I personally believe that when you are an author with this much influence, you should be mindful of the content you create in the sense that, using the POC rep for example you hire sensitivity readers, or if there are readers that are (for this example) POC that say 'this is actually a harmful stereotype' you take that into account and fix it for the next book.

In conclusion, I find SJM problematic and think she should be held accountable to do better. I also don't like acotar but enjoy fandom nessian (coz she really fucked up their book), gwynriel & Emerie (my unproblematic queen).

#anti sarah j maas #anti sjm

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

As It Should Be ~ Lucy x Caspian

A/N: Hello lovelies, so this is well out of my wheel house. But thanks to Shadow and Bone I am well and truly back on my Ben Barnes Bullshit. Which included re-watching the Narnia movies and then I had some feels. I'm completely ignoring the books and this is way AU but I couldn't get it out of my head. So if there's any Lucian shippers out there, this ones for you. Spoilers for the movies.

Summary: Lucy had not been ready to leave Narnia. And Caspian had not been ready for her to go. Perhaps fate still had a plan.

Characters/Pairings: Lucy Pevensie/Caspian (everyone is of age, time works funny between the realms); Edmund Pevensie, Aslan

Warnings: Fluff, a little bit of angst, pining, spoilers for the movies.

Word count: 5800 (I don't know how it happened. I just had a lot of feels)

Caspian’s voyage on the Dawn Treader had been a success on all counts. But in spite of his resolve to be a great king of Narnia and to treasure the lands and people he had been chosen to rule, the young king was sorrowful on their return journey. His crew had known better than to question him when he returned alone from Aslan’s country. Drinian put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Caspian clasped it for a moment before giving him a meaningful nod. Drinian got the Dawn Treader sailing for home while Caspian ducked below deck for just a moment to mourn the loss of his friends. When he returned, his smile was not quite so bright as it had been when the king and queen of old had been on the ship.

The crew was happy to be going home, but they also felt the loss of their companions quite acutely. It had taken no time at all for them to love Lucy and Edmund. The younger of the Kings and Queens of old were kind and hardworking and had immediately treated them as old friends. Narnia they supposed was their great love. And while Eustace had taken some extraordinary circumstances to warm up to, he too was missed, and they all found the ship far too silent with Reepicheep’s running commentary.

Their return took nearly six months as they returned all those who had been taken by the mist to their home islands. So, while the crew was joyous to be returning home after nearly two years, everyone was weary when they finally docked on the shores beneath Cair Paravel. Drinian directed the landing team, as more sailors came to help them unload. Caspian gazed up at Cair Paravel in all its glory. It had been mostly restored before he departed, but now, it was back to its true grandure, he wished Lucy and Edmund could have seen this.

He had only a moment before his advisors were upon him, welcoming him back and informing him that a feast was already being prepared for his return. They clamored for his attention, luckily with good news. They each were reporting that peace remained and things had grown even more bountiful in the past six months. Caspian listened carefully making notes on what to discuss with them tomorrow, before finally excusing himself to clean up before the feast.

After what could only be described as the most delicious meal he’d ever had, Caspian took his time reacquainting himself with the halls of his castle. During his time away, the team in charge of the interior restoration had finished all of their projects, which included the portraits of the Pevensies at the height of their rule. He inspected each one closely, trying to find the familiar features of his friends in the older faces.

For the most part he could see it. Although it was odd to see them at that age - all older than his 23 years. Well, all but Lucy. She had been just shy of 21 when they tumbled back through the wardrobe. She was the only one who never mentioned how hard it was to go from being an adult back to being an 8 year old. But he suspected that she struggled more than she let on, though she would never tell her siblings while they suffered their own distress. His thoughts lingered on the youngest of the great kings and queens. He couldn’t help but wonder if his dear friend would look the same when she reached 20 again.

Her portrait hung beside her sister’s and one could easily spot the differences. Susan held a quiet beauty, befitting her title of Gentle. But even the stillness of a portrait could not tame Lucy’s wild beauty and adventurous spirit. He knew well the twinkle of excitement the artist had captured. It was one that never failed to bring a smile to his face.

Caspian had been captivated by Lucy during their time on the Dawn Treader. More than he’d been willing to admit, even to himself. Though he suspected Edmund had seen it. He’d even expected a brotherly talk at one point, since Peter was absent. But he merely smiled, and took every opportunity to let them be together. Drinian had also made more than a few subtle comments, but Caspian had chosen to remain silent.

While the young prince had had eyes only for Susan upon their first meeting in terms of amorous intentions, Lucy’s unwavering faith and goodness had endeared her to him. When she stood across the river with only a dagger in her hand, facing down an army with a smile he could see why she of the four was the Valiant. She was amazing, even at age 11.

Her return 3 years later, had only deepened that opinion. She had matured and Caspian found himself lost in her. He’d been telling the truth when he told her that he hadn’t found a queen as beautiful as Susan, but what he left out was that there had been none as fierce as her either.

The pair had spent every possible moment together – stargazing, checking maps, telling stories. He loved her stories. Queen Lucy the Valiant had truly been a queen of her people. While her siblings had often been on the frontlines of battle, Lucy had always been protecting the people – evacuating them, learning from the healers how to dress wounds that didn’t require her cordial. She was the most beloved of the four, even in the stories Caspian had heard before he met them. Though she would refute that claim a thousand times over.

Other stories were filled with tales of dancing with fauns and dryads. Mr. Tumnus was a frequent character, and Caspian could hear the heartache in her voice when she spoke about him. He would often take the opportunity to squeeze her hand in comfort, which she also responded to with a grateful smile. Edmund would often join in, offering tales of his own or teasing Lucy.

One time in particular, he felt the need to remind her of the time a suitor had come to court and she had been so used to dancing with the fauns during their revelries that she panicked when he had offered his hand for a formal dance.

“All you could hear in the ballroom was Tristan grunting and Lucy apologizing,” Edmund chuckled.

Lucy’s cheeks flamed red and she glared at her brother for a moment, before a smirk slid across her features.

“At least I didn’t end up in a fountain after my first kiss,” she shot back.

Edmund’s cheeks tinged ever so slightly, but his expression was wistful.

“She was lovely. And it was worth it. I hope she had a good life.”

“I’m sure she did. But I’m sure she missed you.”

The siblings shared a look, regrets and memories flowing through their minds. Once again, Caspian was struck by how much life and loss these two “children” had experienced.

Later that night, after confirming their course with Drinian, Caspian was ready to retire to the barracks area for a few hours of sleep. But as he passed his quarters which he had given to Lucy, he heard humming. Moving as quietly as he could, he neared the cabin, noting the slightly ajar door. Caspian couldn’t help the smile that crossed his lips as he watched Lucy dance to her own tune as she looked in the mirror, the steps somewhat disjointed. He slipped inside, leaning against the doorjamb, making sure she couldn’t see his reflection.

“Would you like a partner?” he finally asked.

Lucy jumped at the unexpected voice, whirling as her cheeks filled with color upon realizing she’d been caught.

“Caspian! I was just… Edmund made me remember and I thought I’d practice.”

“In case we have a ball on the Dawn Treader?” he asked, grinning wildly at her.

“Of course. I’ve been to many balls on ships,” she giggled before sobering slightly. “No, but there’s dances back home. And I’ve never been, but I suspect they don’t much care for the type of dancing the fauns and dryads do.”

The mention of home twisted in Caspian’s gut, but he pushed the thought away. He would enjoy what time he had with her. Each moment was a gift.

“Well, I don’t know how they dance in your world, but it always helps to have a partner. May I?”

She nodded, uncharacteristically shy.

He snapped to attention and made a formal bow, which made her laugh but she curtsied anyway before taking his hand. He pressed a quick kiss to her knuckles, before placing her hand on his shoulder. His right hand fell to her waist, he his left clasped hers firmly.

“’Ready?”

“Absolutely?”

He wasn’t positive, but they both sounded breathless.

He began to hum, counting the beats by gently tapping his fingers against her side. He gave it a count of 8 before he began to move. It was rough at first, they were both out of practice… and nervous if he was being honest. But after a few crushed toes, they found their rhythm and soon they seemed to float. Caspian waltzed her around the room, twin smiles adorning their faces. Before they knew it, they were simply swaying in place gazing into each other’s eyes.

“I wonder if Susan is dancing like this with her naval officer,” Lucy wondered aloud, regretting it the moment it slipped past her lips. “Oh, I’m sorry, Caspian. I wasn’t thinking.”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“Don’t worry, Lucy. I’m not upset. I’m happy that your sister is moving on with her life. No one deserves to be alone.”

“But you’re alone,” Lucy pointed out.

Not cruelly, more confused by his logic.

“I’m not alone right now. I’m with you.”

And I will take that, he thought to himself. Just this moment and whatever else I get.

“Susan and I are worlds apart. In more ways than one,” he added slyly.

Lucy gazed up at him, no longer swaying at all.

“Caspian, I-“

At that moment, the ship lurched sending her crashing into his arms. It lurched again and sent them both to the floor. A storm had reached them and they heard the crew members racing about on deck. They shared one more moment before sprinting into action.

“Your majesty.”

His chief advisor’s voice jostled Caspian from his memories.

“Lord Pallburn. How can I help you?”

“You requested updates on the refugees and the five lords.”

“Of course. We shall speak on the way to my chambers.”

Caspian shot one last look at Lucy’s portrait before leading his advisor away.

Lucy sighed quietly as she watched the happy couple spin around the dance floor.

Years ago, on a ship a world away, Lucy had been held like that. Her thoughts strayed to Caspian and his near obsidian eyes. She had thought of him often in the years since. She wondered how long it had been for him.

Was he married by now?

A father?

Dead?

No.

Her heart couldn’t bear that last one. She had to believe Caspian was alive and well and happy or she wouldn’t be able to carry on.

She shook the thoughts away and returned to the view in front of her.

Susan was absolutely radiant in her wedding dress. Her smile lit up the room as Tom held her in his arms, leaning down for a peck as the song ended. They held hands as they exited the dance floor to chat with their friends.

Peter had his younger daughter, Jane, balanced on the top of his shoes as he moved them about in a decent facsimile of a waltz. Lucy smiled as she remembered her oldest brother doing the same with her when she was much younger.

Edmund was sitting with his girlfriend Margaret and their cousin Eustace laughing quite merrily.

With the exception of her cousin, Narnia had taken on the golden tint of a fond memory. But a memory none the less. Her siblings had been content to leave it at that. Lucy could not find it in her to do the same. Narnia had always felt more like home than this world. A fractured childhood would do that to you she supposed. After all she had grown up in Narnia first.

She still knew their customs and constellations better than England’s. But she knew it wasn’t just that. Her heart lay in Narnia, or rather with the King of Narnia. Caspian had a way of making Lucy feel seen when others didn’t.

“Enjoying the party, Lu?”

She nodded as she looked to Edmund who had slipped into the seat beside her.

“It’s wonderful. Everyone is having so much fun.”

“Everyone?”

“I’m having fun,” she insisted, knowing Edmund could see right through her.

“Talk to me.”

She looked again to the dance floor, eyes flitting from couple to couple.

“Do you think that I could ever find that here?”

“Love?”

Lucy nodded again.

“What makes you think you won’t?” he pressed, avoiding her question.

“I can’t imagine finding anyone to share my life with like that. There’s so much I couldn’t tell them. I don’t know how you all do it.”

Edmund hummed in response.

“Narnia meant everything to me. It made me who I am, but the only one who needs to know about it for it to be real is me. And I’m lucky enough that I got to share it with you, and Peter, Susan, and Eustace. Margaret doesn’t need to know what made me the man I am. Only that that man is someone she wants to be with.”

Lucy regarded her brother carefully for a moment. He’d clearly put a lot of thought into this and she appreciated it.

“I guess that makes sense. I guess I’m not ready to admit that Narnia is my past. Even though I have to.”

They were quiet for a moment.

“Is that the only reason you think you won’t find love here?”

Lucy knew where he was going with this, and finally she sighed – more an exhale after holding one’s breath.

“I think I loved him,” she whispered, not needing to specify who “him” was.

“Loved?” he clarified.

“Love,” Lucy corrected.

“He loves you too for what it’s worth. I could see it. Clear as the Northern Sky.”

“I don’t think it matters much. We’re worlds apart now. He’s probably married by now. I’m not sure how I managed it, but it seems I’ve left my heart in Narnia.”

Edmund wrapped an arm around her shoulder and tugged her into his side. She leaned her head heavily against his shoulder.

“What has been lost, can be found. We just need to have faith about these things. You taught me that.”

Lucy smiled at the reassurance.

“Thank you, Edmund.”

“Anything for you. Would you like to dance? We can even pretend we’re at Tumnus’,” he offered.

Lucy shook her head, but smiled more genuinely than she had all night.

“I think I’m going to take advantage of the gardens, and get some fresh air.”

“It’s not like there isn’t air inside,” he joked making her roll her eyes.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Edmund nodded and squeezed her once more before letting her go.

“Be safe.”

Lucy slipped through the crowd unnoticed, as usual. After a few minutes walking through the gardens she happened upon the entrance to a hedge maze. Looking back at the lights of the reception, she took a deep breath and hurried into the maze, following the turns at random.

It couldn’t possibly be big enough for her to actually get lost.

Caspian perched on the rail of his balcony, one knee up as his back was pressed against the palace wall twirling Lucy’s dagger in his hand. If anyone entered his chambers they wouldn’t be able to see him unless they stepped outside. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back against the stone enjoying the cool breeze off the Eastern Sea. He had chosen this room specifically for the view of the water. It had always calmed him, and now it held an even more special place in his heart.

In the morning, he would return to his duties as king and this journey would leave the forefront of his mind to make room for diplomacy and logistics. And if his advisors had their way, finding a queen. But for now, as the wind whipped around him, he could imagine that he was back on the Dawn Treader. And if he listened closely enough, he could hear Lucy’s familiar humming. He allowed his mind to run wild with memories.

When the humming only grew louder, even after shaking himself from the sweet memories, Caspian grew concerned. Alert now for possible danger, he scanned the grounds for the source of the sound.

The beach was clear. As were the cliffs to the north. But as he turned his gaze to the south, a flash of auburn hair in the garden maze caught his eyes. She was deep within the heart of the garden without alerting the guards which was no easy feat.

Fastening his sword belt on, he sheathed Lucy’s dagger which she had gifted him on the shores of Aslan’s country.

“I think you’ll need this more than I will.”

“It shall never leave my side.”

You shall never leave my heart had remained unspoken.

Not wishing to alert the guards, Caspian scaled down the side of the castle, jumping from the lowest window and rolling to his feet.

The wind was carrying the humming to his ears quite clearly, as though it was actively helping him find the intruder. At the edge of the maze he took a deep breath before stepping inside. He allowed himself to be led through the turns by the voice, although he was nearly certain it must be a trap. Surely it was a siren or some spell luring him with his heart’s desire. But still he pursued her.

A few times it seemed they were just on the other side of the hedge from each other, but he would round the corner and find only a dead end.

Finally, he caught a flash of lavender fabric whooshing around the corner and he sped up as well as he could while maintaining his stealth. Lucy’s dagger fit comfortably in his hand. Peeking around the corner to ensure she was coming, he waited until she had passed by before leaping out and grabbing her, the dagger pressed against her throat.

“Who are you? And what are you doing here?”

She froze in his arms.

“Caspian?”

The woman squirmed in his grip enough to see his face and in his surprise he let her.

“It is you. How on Earth did you get here?” she asked.

“Lucy?” he mumbled as he released her and she turned to look at him, giving him his first good look at her.

“Yes, it’s me. I know I look a bit different. But goodness, you haven’t aged a day,”

“Lucy,” he repeated before dropping the dagger and pulling her into his arms, burying his face in her neck.

She held him just as fiercely as if he would disappear if she let go for even an instant.

“I missed you so much,” he murmured. “I thought of you every day.”

“As did I. How long has it been for you?” she asked as she lifted her head to look at him, unwilling to break their embrace any further.

“Six months and thirteen days.”

Lucy huffed out a little laugh.

“Is that all?”

Caspian already knew it had been much longer for her. Years, he guessed, given how much she looked like her portrait.

“How long?”

“Six years. Four months. Eleven days.”

She’d been counting. In spite of knowing that Aslan’s plans for Narnia did not include her.

“Oh, Lucy,” Caspian sighed.

Years. She had thought of him every day for years. The knowledge made his heart beat faster.

“It’s okay. You’re here now. How on Earth are you here?” she asked again.

Caspian glanced upward, just to ensure he hadn’t been transported to her world, but sure enough his stars remained, twinkling down at him.

“Lucy, you’re in Narnia.”

Whipping her head around to gain bearings she didn’t know she’d lost, Lucy’s expression clouded with confusion.

“But how? I was at the wedding. I just stepped out for a few minutes –“ She paused and shook her head with a serene smile. “Things never happen the same twice,” she murmured. “Or four times I suppose. I’m not sure how it’s happened, but I am glad to be home.”

Caspian’s heart both clenched and soared at the word home. But he was still stuck on the earlier revelation.

“You were at a wedding?”

His mind raced as he took in her demure dress and artful curls.

Six years, his mind screamed. Even if she had thought of him, of course she would have found someone else in that time.

“Yes,” she affirmed absent-mindedly. “Of Susan will be so cross I’ve left her wedding.”

Elation.

“Susan’s wedding?”

“Yes.” Lucy’s face dropped. “Oh, I’m sorry, Caspian.”

“So you are not married?” he asked, ignoring the apology.

Lucy’s laughter was a balm to his soul.

“Goodness, no. Not even close. The closest I’ve come to marriage was holding hands with Dennis Macmillian when we were 17. And even that was mainly because I was slipping on the ice. I’ve never even gone for a stroll with a boy.”

Caspian smiled, pulling back just enough to offer her his arm.

“Well then, please, allow me. It would be a shame to waste such a lovely Narnian evening.”

“So it would,” she agreed, looping her arms through his. “Tell me everything I’ve missed,” she insisted as they walked deeper into the maze.

“There’s not that much to tell you. We’ve only just arrived back to Cair Paravel this morning. It took us several months to return everyone to their homes before we could return. Beyond that, I’ve just received reports of peace in Narnia.”

“That’s wonderful, Caspian.”

“I’m sure your time has been far more interesting. Tell me everything.”

“Longer doesn’t always mean more interesting.”

Caspian shot her a look of disbelief.

“I’m telling the truth. After the Dawn Treader we stayed with Eustace until the end of the War. After that, once Susan, Peter, and our parents returned, I went back to school. I learned how to become a nurse.”

“Did you now?”

“Mhmm. Top of my class even. It’s been fascinating to learn, although I still think the healers here have a better bedside manner. And goodness have there been days where I wished for my cordial on the job.”

“It sounds intense.”

“It is. But I love it.”

Her smile confirmed it.

“It suits you,” he agreed.

“Besides all that, not much has changed for me. I spend most of my time working or with my family, though that’s been difficult of late.”

“Difficult? Why?” he asked with a furrowed brow.

“They’ve all become convinced I’m doomed to become an old maid. Well, not everyone I suppose. Mainly my parents and Susan. Peter would prefer it that way, over protective as he is. And Edmund, well he just wants me to be happy.”

Despite her comments, the fondness she had for her siblings still shone through.

“I’m sure they all want you to be happy.”

“I know that. I just wish they wouldn’t keep trying to set me up. I think falling in love should happen naturally.”

She glanced up at Caspian who was watching her closely.

“As do I. So it sounds to me that you’re turning suitors down left and right.”

“Hardly,” she scoffed. “Although I think Susan believes that she’ll have a better chance at marrying me off now that she’s officially taken. They’ll have to settle for the lesser Pevensie sister.”

Caspian narrowed his eyes at the assertion, footsteps coming to a halt as he turned to face her.

“In what way lesser?”

“In every way,” Lucy laughed humorlessly.

“You are Queen Lucy the Valiant. The most beloved Queen Narnia has ever seen,” he reminded her, continuing on before she could argue with him. “You are amazing. You are in no way lesser.”

His words made her smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“That may be who I am here. But in my world, I’m just Peter and Susan’s little sister. An afterthought.”

Caspian hated to hear her talk about herself like that.

“Then everyone in your world must be fools. You are valiant and beautiful in every world.”

Lucy found herself unable to hold his intense gaze.

“I’m not beautiful like Susan.”

He lifted her head up with a finger underneath her chin, forcing her to look at him.

“Perhaps not. But you’re beautiful like you. And brave. And kind. And loving. And a million other wonderful things.”

“No one’s ever seen me the way you do.”

“It’s an honor to know you this way, Lucy.”

He reached up cradling her cheek before sliding his fingers into her hair.

“I love you.”

It was a relief to finally say it out loud, and her smile was well worth it.

“I love you too, Caspian. I have for a long time.”

He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against hers.

“I was so scared I’d never see you again,” she whispered.

“I was too. I was certain that I’d lost my chance. But you’re here now.”

“I am.” She looked around and somehow he knew she was looking for Aslan. “But I still don’t know why.”

“I’m sure Aslan has his reasons.”

“He usually does,” Lucy agreed with a smile. “I’m sure we’ll figure it out in time. For now…”

“For now, I’m just going to be grateful. And enjoy every second of my time with you.”

“I like that plan.”

They walked through the gardens for a time before Caspian escorted her up to the castle.

Sure enough they spent the next few weeks enjoying their time together. In fact the entire kingdom rejoiced at the return of their queen. But with no indication as to why she was there, soon a quiet anxiety crept in.

Neither Lucy nor Caspian were willing to make too many plans when they didn’t know when she would be returning, so instead they focused on ensuring Narnia was well taken care of. Lucy helped Caspian reinstate the High Council so that every type of creature was represented. Caspian watched in awe as the land flourished and now that everyone had a voice they found it even easier to keep peace. In fact, many days it seemed there wasn’t much ruling to do at all. So he spent more time with his people than ever, which he loved.

And he grew to love Lucy more every day. He knew at some point that she would have to leave, to return to her family, but he also knew that he couldn’t bear to be without her. His decision was made, although he was sure that many would consider it selfish.

Which is why a year after she arrived, Caspian led Lucy into the maze he had found her in.

“This is quite lovely. We haven’t done this in a while. What brought this on?” she asked as they walked.

“Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I have a question for you. And I thought this would be the best place to ask it.”

She tilted her head in question, noting the slight nervousness in his voice.

“What kind of question?”

“An important one.”

They had reached the center of the maze and Caspian led Lucy to sit on the edge of the fountain that contained a stone carving of Aslan. He hoped it would bring them the Great Lion’s blessing.

He took both her hands in his as he sat beside her on the edge of the fountain.

“Lucy, my love, ever since I first met you, you have been a source of strength and someone who I have never failed to believe in. On our first adventure I learned never to overlook you, and I am eternally grateful for learning that lesson. Because it allowed me to see you for who you are on our second adventure. On the Dawn Treader, I fell in love with you. And the day I had to say goodbye to you it felt as if my heart would never be whole again. But by the grace of Aslan, you were returned to me. And I have spent the past year falling more and more in love with you. I’m not sure how long we have left in Narnia, but I don’t want to waste another moment without asking you to be my wife.”

She gasped as Caspian shifted down onto one knee.

“There is no other I would bind myself to. I love you, Lucy Pevensie. And my only wish is to have you by my side for as long as you’ll have me. Will you marry me?”

“Of course.”

She tackled Caspian to the ground in a very unladylike move, and kissed him soundly.

“Of course I’ll marry you.”

Caspian’s smile was brilliant as he reached up to cradle her face before pulling her down for another kiss. They reveled in their new engagement alone for a while longer before deciding to return to the castle.

They were nearly out of the maze when they saw a flash of golden fur.

“Aslan?”

Lucy took off after the lion and Caspian was right on her heels. He couldn’t help but wonder at the timing.

They made it back to the fountain and found the lion himself in front of his stone counterpart.

“Aslan, it is you.”

Lucy launched herself at him, burying her face in his fur.

“Hello, dear one.” It came out in a deep rumbling laugh.

Caspian knelt before Aslan, keeping his eyes on the ground.

“Rise, King Caspian.”

“Aslan, what are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to talk to you about your future, dear one.”

Caspian felt unease coil in his stomach.

“My future here or…?”

Lucy took a step back to stand next to Caspian taking his hand in hers.

“That is your decision to make, Lucy. Your heart longed for Narnia when you returned home. You had not been ready to leave it behind. Is that still true?”

She looked to her betrothed and considered her words carefully.

“I could leave Narnia. But I cannot leave my heart. I cannot leave Caspian. Not again.”

Aslan turned his massive head towards the king – looking at him expectantly.

“Caspian?”

The king lifted Lucy’s hand to kiss her knuckles, looking to her as he answered.

“Narnia was the only home I ever knew. But Lucy is the only home I will ever need. I would leave Narnia if she wished me to. If you would allow it,” he added as he finally turned to face Aslan.

“Caspian?” Lucy gasped at him.

Aslan seemed to nod so Caspian continued, looking back to his love.

“Lucy, in the past year we’ve changed Narnia. It is ruled by its people. As it should be. They don’t need a king. But I need you.”

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, but there was no mistaking her smile.

“Are you sure?”

“I am,” he assured her.

Lucy kissed him for a moment, before turning to Aslan.

“Aslan, is it possible?”

He huffed a laugh and nodded with a shake of his mane.

“Yes, dear one. It is possible. All is as it should be with Narnia thanks to you. But you both must be sure.”

They shared a look before turning back to Aslan.

“We’re sure,” they said in unison.

“But we must not abandon Narnia this time,” Lucy insisted. “I want to say goodbye properly.”

“Of course. You two can stay as long as you like, you have earned that. When you are ready return to this fountain and take the path behind it.”

They both peeked around as the hedge directly behind Aslan’s statue opened up. If she listened closely Lucy could hear the music of the reception.

“You’ll be returned to when you left,” Aslan answered her unspoken question.

Lucy hugged him again and Caspian joined in this time.

“Thank you, Aslan.”

“Thank you, for all you have done for Narnia. It is better for knowing you, dear heart.”

Lucy and Caspian were married after six months on the day before they stepped down and allowed the high council full rule over Narnia. Surprisingly, no one begrudged them their decision. Narnia was happy and they saw that they could rule themselves and be their own heroes.

Two years to the day after Lucy arrived, they said their final goodbyes to the land that had given them so many gifts, the dearest of which was each other.

Hand in hand they entered the maze and followed the turns to the center. With one last look at the great stone lion, they walked through the hedge behind him, coming out into a dark night. Lucy was once again in her lavender bridesmaid dress. Luckily she had had the foresight to have a suit made for Caspian so he would blend in.

“Shall we?” she asked, excited to see her family after so long. Well so long for her. Just moments for them.

“Are you sure I shouldn’t just wait here until after the wedding? How are we going to explain me just turning up?” Caspian asked, daunted by the new world around him.

It was louder than Narnia, and undeniably strange. Lucy cupped his cheek, and kissed him.

“The evening is nearly over. The others will want to see you. You were at the other party and we ran into each other in the garden. You’re an old friend from our time with the professor. And I insisted that you come say hello and congratulate Susan in person.”

“You’ve thought about this,” he teased, considering the plan in his head.

“Of course. It was the first thing I thought when you threatened me with my own dagger,” she reminded him with a mocking look.

“Oh really?” Caspian chuckled, quirking an eyebrow at her.

“Yes. Right after ‘he’s here. Maybe I get to be loved after all’.”

“You are so loved, my valiant Lucy. And I shall love you forever. In every world.”

She smiled up at him, blissfully happy.

“And I you, Caspian.”

They shared one more kiss before walking hand in hand back to reception. Everything was as it should be.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. I've got loads of Ben Barnes feels lately and this is how I'm dealing with it lol. Thanks for reading!

#Caspian x Lucy #Prince Caspian Fic #Lucian Fic #Lucy x Caspian #lucy pevensie #narnia #prince caspian #Lucy Pevensie fic #Narnia fic

[deadpcnned]

the gamble of the heart | chapter 1 (r.l.)

chapter one: certain uncertainty 

series masterlist

pairing: remus lupin x potter!reader

chapter summary: remus reflects on when he lost the person he held closest to his heart. 

warnings: swearing 

wordcount: 2.2k

a/n: hi! this is a new remus series i’m working on. WARNING it’s going to be slowburn. hope you enjoy <33

REMUS LUPIN was never one to rely on the idea of certainty. In his sixteen years of life, Remus had gathered that the way the world worked didn’t allow for anything to be certain. For example, he could have been certain that the only peculiar thing about him would have been that he was a wizard (and really this was only peculiar to unknowing muggles). However, at the age of four, his life went off track and he was suddenly a werewolf and had no understanding of what that meant. It wasn’t always bad, however. Sometimes life was uncertain in a good way. At one time Remus was certain that a life of isolation was a fate he would have to accept, but within his first day at Hogwarts, he was proven wrong. 

And so, Remus decided that it was okay that virtually nothing was certain. He had even begun enjoying the uncertainty of life at times. He enjoyed not knowing what crazy adventure his mates and him would journey through next and he even liked the uncertainty of what subjects he would have to tackle next in his favorite classes. Which is why he couldn’t understand why he was surprised by the events unfolding now. His relationship with Y/N hadn’t even been official, yet he was stuck pondering over her recent actions instead of the notes laid out in front of him. He knew he hadn’t imagined the feelings that had been growing between the two of them and he had the image of intimate touches ingrained in his mind as proof of that. So, why? Why had she stopped looking at Remus like he held the stars in his hands? Why had she trained her sight on that lousy Ravenclaw instead? Why was she holding his hands in the halls, when the two of them had never even been so publicly affectionate? But most importantly, why was he so surprised by the uncertainty of it all?

A part of Remus - the part that resonated with his younger self most - knew he shouldn’t have been surprised. He knew it was unlikely that any girl, especially a girl as captivating as Y/N, would have been interested in him for long. Not only was he singularly boring in his opinion, but he was a monster. The other part of Remus - the part he had spent years working on - couldn’t understand why she was suddenly acting like she forgot he existed. He knew they worked well together. He knew that he understood her in a way no one else had. He knew that he was perfect for her. Or at least he’d say he was. 

“What did that poor piece of parchment ever do to you, Moony?” A voice behind him pulled him out of his thoughts and Remus’ eyes flickered down to the notes in front of him. He had been holding his inked up quill to the paper for so long it had created a hole that was getting bigger from the severity of his hold. Dropping the quill, Remus looked up to see Peter stood in the doorway. 

“Uh, must’ve zoned out,” Remus muttered, sending Peter a lackadaisical smile. “What are you lot up to?” 

“Headed to Hogsmeade. You sure you don’t wanna join, mate? I’m sure you’re not gonna do much good just tearing through your notes. Literally.” Remus ignored Peter’s poor attempt at a pun and considered his options. He really wasn’t doing much good sitting at his desk and he needed to get his mind off certain things. No better way to do that than with the three most troublesome boys. 

“Alright, yah,” Remus nodded his head at Peter who was frowning. “You’re right, Pete. No point in tearing through my notes.” Content with Remus’ validation, Peter led the two out of their dorm and down to the common room.

“YES! Prongs, we’ve got Moony on board!” 

—

Being at Hogsmeade during the start of the year always felt odd. Remus would argue that it was one of those things that only made sense during the holidays. He had gotten into many heated debates with James about whether Hogsmeade could be considered fun this early in the school year. James would start by explaining September was the holidays and Remus would remind him that Christmas wasn’t for another few months. But he didn’t feel like striking that kind of conversation today. Normally, he’d have Y/N to back him up. 

Remus entered The Three Broomsticks with his spirits a lot higher than they had been a half-hour ago. As much as he renounced being too sure about anything, he was certain he could never be bored when he was with his friends. He prayed nothing would put a damper on his mood, but the world didn’t work the way he wanted. He had heard her before he saw her. The familiar laugh had him looking over his shoulder and following Y/N’s figure from the door.

The Y/H/C haired girl was walking hand in hand with Mason Tomlinson as they looked for a seat in the corner of the establishment. As though she felt eyes on her, she turned to the table the boys sat at and waved kindly. Remus wanted to roll his eyes at her gesture but thought better of it. 

“I don’t understand when that even happened,” Sirius mumbled, his eyes still trained on Y/N.

“Apparently they were paired up for a project,” James shook his head slightly before turning to look back at his friends. “You’d think she’d tell her bloody cousin she was seeing someone, wouldn’t you?” Y/N hadn’t been seen by the group of boys as often as they usually did in the past few weeks and Remus could tell it was rubbing James the wrong way. Actually, all of them seemed annoyed by her absence. 

“Two weeks… I swear that’s how long the two have known each other,” Peter commented. “Remus, did she ever say anything about him - OUCH!”

All three boys were now staring at Remus with guilty expressions on their faces (except Peter, who seemed to also be holding his leg in pain). Remus simply shook his head and gave him a shrug in response. 

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Sirius started and this time Remus didn’t stop his eyes from rolling. “I really did think the two of you were going to get together.” Remus froze, halting the way he was nervously pulling at his napkin under the table. He had expected pitying looks or impetus questions, but he hadn’t expected that. Remus hadn’t expected to be confronted with the exact thought that had been haunting him. When would he learn he really couldn’t expect shit? 

“No idea what you mean, mate,” Remus spoke, trying to appear much more nonchalant than he felt. “Haven’t even spoken to her in weeks. Why would we be together?” The three pairs of eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, before Sirius began to nod. 

“Right… Well, boys, I think it's time for some more butterbeer.” Remus’ friends continued with their night, but all Remus could do was stare at the manifestation of his nightmares. Y/N had her elbow resting on the table in front of her and was running her hand up and down the length of Mason’s arm. From what Remus could see Mason's other arm was placed against her hip and he was leaning closer. Within moments Remus’ stomach was lurching forward as he watched Y/N’s lips meet with Mason’s to kiss him passionately. If it had been any other person he would’ve been gagging at the crude disregard of their surroundings, but at the current moment, it was as though he was stuck. He couldn’t look away and he couldn’t vomit the sight away. He was stuck watching Y/N crush his heart into pieces without even lifting a finger. 

“Don’t stare, Remus,” James’ words could’ve been taken as a joke, but Remus knew why he was saying them. He didn’t want Remus hurting. 

“Merlin, I don’t understand what has gotten into her,” Sirius, seemingly not learning from his prior mistake, was looking at Y/N again. “That’s not like her, she doesn’t mouth fuck people in public.”

“Sirius!” James and Remus had yelled at the same time. 

“That’s so vulgar!”

“That’s my cousin!” 

“Oh please, Moony. Like you don’t have the mouth of a sailor. James, I do apologize for talking about your very innocent cousin that way, but there is no other way to explain whatever that is.” James smacked Sirius on the back of his head and the two began to argue amongst themselves, but Remus was too distracted to care about what they were saying.

Sirius was right. It wasn’t like Y/N to get into a relationship so fast and even more unlike her to be so publicly affectionate. But then again, he wondered how much of that was dependent on who was sitting beside her. Maybe she was only affectionate when it wasn’t him crowding the seat next to her. Did they even know Y/N? Did he know her? Remus thought back to the first time he had ever felt a sense of mutual understanding between the two. 

The Gryffindor common room was quieter than usual as a group of five 3rd years faced the welcoming fireplace. Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, and Y/N had opted to stay at Hogwarts instead of going to Hogsmeade that weekend and were glad they had. Other than his friend group, Remus noted that the common room was empty which meant they could do anything without prying eyes. They seized the opportunity by playing Wizard Chess and munching on some leftover candy Y/N had from a previous Hogsmeade trip. 

“Bloody hell,” Sirius whined, as he pushed the table in front of him. “How? Again?” Remus just shrugged as he motioned for Peter to take Sirius’ spot across from him. They had all agreed they would have a tournament of sorts and whoever won would get to be the one who executed their next prank. This prank was especially exciting because it was going to be affecting anyone who was innocently spending time in the Slytherin common room next Thursday. 

“No way,” Peter tutted, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m not playing just to lose.”

“Peter, the rules were the winner plays the next contestant,” Remus argued. He knew he was undoubtedly the best at Wizarding Chess amongst the five of them and he took pride in any moments he could use that to his advantage. 

“Moons, just let me play Peter,” Sirius started. At Remus’ look of dissent, he continued, “Come on, do you even care about actually being the one that says the incantation?” Remus considered this. He didn’t actually care, but he did want to win. 

“No,” The voice came from the body next to him and Remus looked up to see Y/N shaking her head. “You can’t make the rules and then change them just because Remus is better than you.” 

“Shut up, you Hufflepuff,” James taunted. The Marauders had often told Y/N she would’ve been suitable for Hufflepuff because of how highly she valued fairness. Even if it was something as small as a game, she wanted to see the right thing done. Remus admired that. He figured if more people did that, the world would be a hell of a better place. 

“Eh, let ‘em play. They won’t let me hear the end of it once I win,” Remus uprooted from his spot on the floor and took a seat next to Y/N. The pair sat back as they watched their friends banter and laugh amongst themselves. Remus had only known the lot of them for three years, but he knew that moments like these would be life-altering for him. He had come a long way from the glum eleven-year-old who thought he deserved to be alone. He still battled with whether he deserved the love he received, but he was slowly learning he did. And the only reason he was ever able to get this far in that journey was because of the four smiling idiots around him. 

When James began to chase Peter around the common room, Remus turned his face to the side just as Y/N did and the two of them just smiled at each other. It was like they were both thinking the same things, but Remus had no way of knowing. Y/N and he had always been friends, but they rarely spent time alone the way he did with Sirius and the way she did with James. It wasn’t weird, it was just the dynamic of their group. But at that moment, as they laughed with each other, he felt like he had known her for years. He felt like she was agreeing with him on how much these people meant to both of them. He was probably projecting, but it made him feel warm with comfort. At the time he didn’t know that she would soon grow to be one of the closest friends he’d ever have, but he found solace in that random second of certain uncertainty.  

tiny little taglist: @kitkatkl​ 

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin series #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin imagine #marauders x reader #marauders imagine #marauders fanfiction #potter!reader #remus lupin x potter!reader #remus lupin angst #andrew garfield #andrew garifield x reader

[the-modernmary]

my best habit || aaron hotchner x reader (ch. 4)

Chapter summary: The BAU makes it's plan to get inside your law firm, and you reflect on your previous relationship with Aaron — the good and the bad.

A/N: i'm baaaaack! this is a little bit of a filler with a hell of a lot of introspection + background on the past relationship with hotch

masterlist || read on ao3

'Cause the love that you gave that we made

Wasn't able to make it enough for you

To be open wide, no

-Alanis Morissette, “You Oughta Know”

~~~~~~~

The plan was simple enough. They had a warrant to bug the office, but lawyers are naturally suspicious, so they needed somebody who already had a rapport with partners to place the bugs. That’s where you came in. They were going to give you pens and other random office supplies with covert listening devices in them, and you just needed to leave them around. You were also going to wear an earpiece so that they could talk you through it every step of the way. Easy enough.

Aaron stood at the front of the room, his hands resting on his hips and his face stone cold. You had seen Aaron on television a few times when he had to speak to the media, but that was the extent of your knowledge of his FBI persona. You had never given much thought to his work life, and the only times he even talked about it was in passing. Watching him completely command the attention of the room was really a site to behold. Suddenly, you understood all of Aaron’s career changes and his unbridled ambition- he was made to be FBI Director.

You nodded slowly as you listened to their plans, trying to ignore the side of your brain that was screaming danger. You looked over at Aaron, hoping that he would understand your unspoken question and would give you an honest answer. When he met your eyes, he gave you a subtle nod, as if to say You’ll be fine, we’ll be right there with you. That was the only confirmation you really needed. Aaron looked so confident that it was almost infectious. Besides, a dead civilian wouldn’t look very good on Aaron’s FBI record, so you had to believe that it really was going to be that simple.

You took a deep breath. “Okay, I can do all that. I’m scheduled to go in this afternoon,” you told the room, avoiding everybody else’s eyes on you. You could tell that some of them weren’t totally sold on the idea yet.

“Good, that gives us just enough time to get everything set up. I want you all to go over the office blueprints with Y/N and set up a concrete plan. I don’t want anything left up to chance. While you do that, I will head down to intelligence with Garcia so that we can grab the coverts and prepare them,” Aaron said firmly, and you found yourself nodding along, as if you were a member of his team.

The way he gave orders was almost hypnotic because it was so different from the way he gave orders during sex. When he was with you, there was always a hint of affection and reverence in every word he said. Here and talking to his coworkers, it was almost paternal, like he was assigning weekly chores. You were getting a more full picture of who Aaron Hotchner was, and it was exciting, if not a little overwhelming.

You were torn from your thoughts at the sound of ruffling papers as Reid spread out the floor plans to the office across the table. The next hour and a half was spent going back and forth with the group of profilers to see what the best course of action was. You let them take the lead considering you had zero experience in this particular field, but you were pleasantly surprised when they asked for your opinions, asking you whether or not anybody ever went in certain areas in the building. Working with them was easy, even with David Rossi clearly psychoanalyzing every move you made, probably trying to figure out how the hell you and Aaron fit together.

After figuring out the best excuses to get in each of the partner’s offices, the team had decided that you were prepped and ready. “You’re welcome to grab some lunch in the cafeteria on the second floor,” Reid told you as the rest of the team was slowly filing out of the conference room. “But the food’s not great, to be honest. The only people who ever really eat there are tourists and kids on field trips.”

You raised an eyebrow at him as you shouldered your purse. “With all that security, the FBI has tour guides?” you asked amusedly.

Reid nodded eagerly as he finished folding up the blueprints. “The FBI has actually had a tour component since 1937, even before it settled here in the Hoover building. After 9/11, they stopped the tours and closed the building to the public and didn’t reopen until 2008 when the FBI made the Education Center. It closed and was redesigned multiple times since then, and now it’s known as the FBI Experience. You have to contact your congressman to request a tour at least four weeks in advance so that the FBI can do a background check,” he said quickly, his hands doing half of the talking for him.

You laughed as the two of you made your way to the door. Aaron had mentioned something about the genius Dr. Reid in passing, and he was just as amusing and endearing as Aaron said he was. “That sounds like a lot of work. If that’s the case, then I might have better luck just asking one of you to give me a tour after this whole thing is done. You sound like you know more than the tour guides anyways.”

Reid stood up a little taller at the compliment, but your focus was immediately drawn to Aaron’s office. Specifically, Aaron, in his office, alone, with the blinds shut and the door wide open. You had promised to be on your best behavior, but the temptation was almost too much. You wanted to see more of Hotch, the FBI agent. “Excuse me for a second, Doctor,” you mumbled, flashing him an innocent smile.

Spencer gave you a small wave as you walked off, headed straight for Aaron’s office, your heels clicking rhythmically on the floor. As if sensing your presence, Aaron’s head shot up the second you stepped into his office, his face void of all emotions. You shut the door slowly behind you, having to hide your smile when you saw him shift in his seat nervously. “Y/N, this isn’t the place-”

You held both of your hands up as you made your way towards his desk. “Don’t worry, Agent. I didn’t come here with the intention to seduce you in front of all your coworkers,” you promised. “Although that can always be arranged.”

You were rewarded with a small grin from Aaron and something that was close to laughter, although it just sounded more like an exhale. “How can I help you?” he asked, unable to mask the lightheartedness in his words.

You sat on the edge of his desk. “Well, I’m going to be rubbing shoulders with a potential serial killer for the rest of the day. Don’t I get a kiss for good luck? Doesn’t even have to be a kiss on the mouth,” you teased. Aaron tensed up. That was the wrong thing to say, apparently. Maybe he remembered that he was at work, and there was no room for playfulness in the FBI. Or maybe he realized that you would be the second woman he’s been with that he’s sending into a dangerous situation.

This was all new territory for the two of you. Previously, there were so many unspoken rules for the relationship, and that’s what made it work. It kept everything easy and fun and none of you had to sift through any baggage.

He didn’t talk about cases he was on and you didn’t mention Jack or Haley- not that you would even want to. He would order dinner for the two of you, but it couldn’t be from anywhere he used to take Haley. So that took away their Chinese place and their pizza place and, God forbid, their Italian place they went to for anniversaries- you preferred Indian anyways. Every once in a while, you’d meet up in hotels that were way too nice and expensive for a fling, but it was always somewhere out of the city, like Baltimore or Fredericksburg, because between the two of you, somebody in DC was bound to recognize one of you.

But there you were, sitting on his desk in the middle of the FBI headquarters, completely thrown off your game. Part of you wondered why he had wanted to continue this thing with you. It wasn’t some midlife crisis- he was too composed for that- and it wasn’t to help heal heartbreak the way it was two years ago. You weren’t complaining about it, though. There was something addictive about Aaron, something that made you think about him even when you hadn’t seen or heard from him in months, and a nagging voice in the back of your head told you that he probably thought the same thing about you. At least, you hoped he did.

You were so entranced in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize he was talking to you. You refocused your eyes and snapped your head back in his direction, where he was looking at you with worry in his eyes. “Hm?” you questioned.

Aaron’s eyes narrowed, like he was trying to read your mind. “I asked if you were sure that you’re ready for this? You all came up with a plan faster than I expected.”

You put on a practiced smile as you slid off his desk, careful not to rustle any of the precariously stacked files next to you. “What can I say, I’m a fast learner. Plus, I went through a major James Bond phase in 7th grade, so this is like a dream come true for me,” you joked, and that seemed to satisfy him.

His face softened, and you once again found yourself fascinated by how much younger he looked when he let himself relax for even half a second. “It’s going to be fine, and I’m going to be talking to you through the earpiece the whole time,” he said. It surprised you just how comforting that single sentiment was, but something about Aaron walking you through the whole process made it less daunting.

Casual flirting with him had worked at the beginning of the conversation, so you decided to try that again. “It’ll be like you’re whispering in my ear all day,” you mused, batting your eyelashes. “That’s kind of sexy, in an exhibitionist kind of way.”

Aaron chuckled and shook his head fondly. “Behave,” he told you firmly, but there was the slightest hint of playfulness.

You made your way towards his office door, throwing a wink his way as you did. “No promises,” you sang. “But I’ll do my best.”

After grabbing something to eat at the cafeteria- Reid was right, the food was terrible- it was time for you to head to the weirdest internship shift you’ve ever had. Most of the team would be in an undercover van outside of the building so that they could listen to everything. You were able to get a ride from Morgan in one of the FBI SUVs, which would drop you off a few blocks away so it didn’t look suspicious. The two of you made some small talk on the way, asking about school and life at the FBI, all very surface level stuff, but nice nonetheless. It helped calm your nerves.

After a while, he pulled over and handed you a bag from the backseat. It was a simple black satchel, not very different from the usual one you would bring to work. “Okay, here is everything you’ll need. You remember the plan, right?”

You nodded quickly as you put in the earpiece, trying to hide any signs of nervousness. “Yup,” you said, popping the ‘P’. “Honestly, this isn’t even the worst thing I’ve done while working.”

Derek chuckled, maybe despite himself. “Remember, we’ll be right outside of the building. Just treat it like a normal day.”

You didn’t think that was even going to be possible, but luckily, you were proven wrong the moment you stepped into the elevator.

“Woah, hold the door for me!”

You stuck your hand out quickly just before the elevator doors closed, and your friend Chris came barreling through. He was a third year when you were a first year at George Washington and the two of you met in your tax law class. You quickly became fast friends, and you met most of your law school friends through him. When he got hired as a staff attorney at the same firm you were interning at, you couldn’t have been more excited.

You clutched the satchel a little tighter, knowing full well that the entire BAU was about to hear this conversation. “Hey,” you said, your voice light.

Chris just raised an eyebrow at you. “Hey?” he asked incredulously. “That’s it? What the hell happened to you last night? We were all supposed to go out and you didn’t show up. No phone call, nothing. And then the only response we got from you was three hours later when you just said ‘Sorry, something came up, next time!’”

You sighed and reached over to press the button for the third floor. It was crazy to think that the interrogation had been less than 24 hours ago- it felt like a lifetime to you. Aaron’s voice came through the earpiece. You can’t tell anybody about the investigation. Make an excuse and change the subject.

“Sorry, mom,” you huffed, staring at the elevator doors. “I got busy, and I’m not attached to my phone all the time like a certain newlywed. How are you and Sam, by the way?” You looked at Chris pointedly with that comment and, like expected, he was frantically shoving his phone back in his pocket. Chris had gotten married two months ago and was still very much in the honeymoon phase.

Good job, Aaron said into the earpiece, and it made you smile despite yourself.

Which, unfortunately, did not go unnoticed by Chris. He narrowed his eyes at you for a few seconds before gasping. “You’re deflecting! And I know that smile.” He thought about it for a second before his eyes went wide. “Oh my god, you ditched us last night because you were getting railed.”

Your friends knew you way too well. You rolled your eyes at Chris. “Wow, that is a reach if I’ve ever seen one.”

The elevator doors opened and you all but sprinted out of there. “You’re not denying it!” Chris accused and you had to bite back a groan of annoyance. You loved your friends, but you did not want to have this conversation right now. “Come on, spill. What is their name?”

You heard Aaron take a sharp intake of breath. You weren’t going to tell Chris, even if you weren’t currently wired where all of Aaron’s coworkers could hear. You never told your friends about Aaron because you were worried about their reaction. They would have worried about his age, or if he was taking advantage of you, or if you were in any danger because of his job. They would have pressured you to pursue more of a “true” relationship with Aaron, and you weren’t going to pretend like that was even a possibility.

You liked Aaron, and it really seemed like Aaron genuinely liked you, too, just not in a way that would make sense to people, especially not your friends. Aaron was always nice to you. He treated you like an equal, not just some random college girl he was sleeping with. He was interesting, and being around him was easy. Aaron would invite you over sometimes and the two of you would just do your work while eating take out before you would have sex. Sometimes, you’d ask him for help with your homework, because there really wasn’t any better tutor, and he was happy to give it. At the time when you first met, the two of you were just kind of lonely, and it was nice to have somebody around who just got it.

You also liked the version of you that Aaron brought out- smarter, wittier, and even a little bit more put together. Definitely much more ambitious. And if seeing him at work was indicative of anything, you thought that he liked the version of himself that you seemed to bring out- more easygoing and playful, like he didn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

And also, yeah, the sex was really fucking good.

You sped up your steps, but Chris was right at your heels. “You’re such a chismoso, but fine. His first name is nunya, last name business.”

You heard him groan behind you, and you turned around so that you were walking backwards. “Y/N, you suck so bad. This is going in the group chat, and we are going to find out who you’re sleeping with.”

You laughed, finally feeling relaxed and calm for the first time since you heard about this plan. “Mhm, good luck with that,” you called to him. “Now if you don’t mind, I have to get to work. Not all of us get paid to sit around and look pretty.”

“Yeah, you just get college credit for it,” he snorted and you just turned back around. You were sure you were going to get so much shit from your friends later, but the bag on your shoulder was getting heavier every second.

Placing the listening devices was as easy as they told you it was going to be. You were able to go throughout your shift fairly normally, sitting through meetings and writing emails, mostly. If you needed to get into somebody’s office, you would just tell them that they needed to sign something or ask them if they wanted any more coffee. The only times Aaron would say something into the earpiece was if they couldn’t get a signal on the device and you needed to move it slightly.

When it was time for your break, you flipped your phone over in your hands a few times, debating on whether or not you should text Aaron. You wanted to see him again. You wanted to hear him moan in your ear while his hands roamed every inch of you. You desperately wanted his mouth on you, his head in between your thighs. You could imagine Aaron on top of you, brushing your hair from your face, and telling you how pretty you were. Maybe you’d text Aaron later, when he wasn’t in a cramped van.

“Y/N?” You snapped your head up to see a woman you knew to be Julian DuPont’s assistant. DuPont owned the law firm, and he came from a very rich and powerful DC family. He was the whole reason that the FBI couldn’t just sneak in and bug the office themselves- he would be suspicious about anybody he didn’t personally know. Even having been an intern at the law firm for almost an entire year, you had only spoken to him one-on-one a handful of times. Sure, they were all positive experiences, but you knew he could lie to almost anybody.

“Yes?” you asked cautiously.

She gave you a sweet smile. “Mr. DuPont has asked to see you in his office right away.”

Your mouth instantly dried up and your heart started to beat so fast that you would have sworn everybody could hear it. “Uh… Yeah, of course, um… Did he happen to say what it was about?” you stuttered out. He was the first office you had placed the bug in. Maybe he found out and was about to fire you in front of everybody. Or worse, your brain supplied unhelpfully.

The assistant shook her head and guided you wordlessly to DuPont’s office. Stay calm, came Aaron’s voice through the earpiece. I will tell you everything you need to say if you get stuck, but you’ll be fine.

When you got to the office, the assistant close the door behind you, leaving you alone in the office with Mr. DuPont himself. He gave you a warm smile, which should have comforted you, but you didn’t think you had ever seen him smile for anything not related to winning a case or getting money. “Sit, please,” he ordered, gesturing lazily to the chair in front of his desk.

You tried to keep your breathing even as you sat down quickly, rubbing your hands on the tops of your thighs. It felt like you were in the principal’s office. You stayed silent so that he could have the first word.

“As you may know, I’ve been watching your progress very closely, both here and with your professors,” he stated, leaning forwards in his chair. “You’re very intelligent, and I think you have a bright career in front of you.”

“Thank you, sir,” you said, trying to put as much confidence in your words as possible. There was a ‘but’ coming, you felt it. You could vaguely make out mumbling in your earpiece, like the BAU were trying to profile what Julian was going to say half a second before he said it.

DuPont straightened out a pen on his desk- to be specific, the pen with the listening device in it. Your breath caught in your throat. “I would like to capitalize on that potential and have you work here after you’ve graduated, but I need to see how you do in an actual courtroom. Law students are allowed to practice law under the supervision of an attorney, which would be me. If you do well, and you pass the bar, you’ll have a job here as an associate right after graduation. Think of it as a trial run, or a try-before-you-buy program.”

You let out a sigh of relief, not even caring how dramatic it may have looked to Julian, and you closed your eyes for a second just to ground yourself. He didn’t know, it was just a job offer. The secret was safe. The earpiece went silent again. “Sir- I… Thank you so much. I would love to, of course. It would be an absolute honor.”

DuPont nodded and leaned back in his chair. “That’s good to hear. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend to. We will discuss this more at a later date.”

You shook his hand quickly before exiting, your heart pounding. You were going to need a drink, or five, tonight. Maybe it was stupid, but part of you wanted to hear something from your earpiece. It didn’t even need to be Aaron speaking, but you wanted somebody from the BAU to remind you that everything was okay.

Ignoring the questioning look from Chris, you sat down at your desk, attempting to process everything that just happened. Once the adrenaline went down, you let yourself get excited. A job offer, and a nice one at that, at a fancy private firm with a nice salary. You were set.

You grabbed your phone so that you could send the news to your friends, but a notification caught your eye.

From: Aaron Hotchner

Congratulations, associate. I told you that you’d make a wonderful lawyer someday.

To: Aaron Hotchner

Thank you :) You know this means I’m going to practice my opening statements on you all the time, right??

From: Aaron Hotchner

I’m looking forward to it.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #my best habit #my writing

[jamiedc-they-them]

Sides of a Coin (Platonic)

Requested Imagine: Being Siblings, Trini knows you well enough. However, the problem arises, when you aren’t honest about who you are with everyone you know. 

“Come on, baby bro.” You rolled your eyes at your older Twin’s teasing. Sure, some twin’s would find it annoying, you didn’t. You found it endearing, found it kind. Some loved to say that they weren’t like everyone else; an edgy comment. You were like everyone else, just different.

Everyone was, in their own way.

“You good?” She asked, actually stopping and facing you.

You smiled, “Just thinking.” You replied with.

“Didn’t think you had the capabilities for that.” She said with her own smile.

“I have layers.” You argued back.

“Oh yeah, you do stink like an onion.”

You wiped at your eyes that held no tears, “Cry like one, though.”

“The onions make you cry, idiot.” She rolled her eyes as she spoke, turning back and walking up the hill.

Your smiled brightened as you followed.

“Besides, you got layers, you just don’t show ‘em. Swear you wanted to punch Ty?”

“I did, but Kim got to him first.”

“I’ve seen you hit someone for less.” She was more cautious this time with those words; almost sympathetic and reflective.

Where you a lost puppy? Not exactly. No, you had friends; hell, you had even made one at your school. One that some people called the Ice Queen. Sure, she seemed like it, but you brought out another side to her.

Her name? Kimberly Hart.

“Surprised you aren’t with your girlfriend.” Trini said, getting ready to do her yoga. You gave her a look, “Right, sorry,” She meant the apology, “Forgot.”

You waved it off, but your mood had shifted, “Forget it. Besides, she’s busy in detention. Punching Ty.” She let out a silent, “Ah” As she went back to her yoga.

You sat yourself on the edge of the rock, allowing yourself to take a breathe. You closed your eyes as you took in the air, taking in the silence and beauty of this new town.

She did her routine, before taking off her headphones, “Let’s go.”  You got up and followed her down.

 “Hey,” Kim said as she saw you. She had shorter hair, much shorter hair now. If you were honest, it suited her, “Missed you at school today.”

“Missed it, went with Trini, instead.” You were honest with her, “Couldn’t exactly let her fall off the edge, could I?” And the real jokester. She appreciated the humour you brought to her, especially with what had happened with her.

Right now, you may have been the only friend in her life right now. She, genuinely appreciated that you stayed.

“Thanks for coming to pick me up.” She said, as she got into your car.

“Sure thing. Now, where we going?” You asked, turning the key in the ignition.

“Home.” She answered with simply.

You complied, driving in the direction of your friend’s house.

It was a silent drive, with her just running over what had occurred, and you not pushing her.

 You pulled up outside, letting her get out in her own time. As she did, she turned back, “You wanna…come in, for a bit?” She asked, almost a little bit nervous about the question.

“Nah, gotta get back to Trini, she wants to go for a walk a bit later.” You had to say, regretfully.

“Oh….well, I’ll see you later, though?” She asked.

You nodded with a smile, “Wouldn’t miss is it for the world, Princess.” She laughed, rolling her eyes and giving you a wave before shutting the door and walking away.

 You got home, getting out the car and going upstairs, going past your parents without another word. Seemed that it had been going that way a lot lately.

You knocked on your sister’s door with the knock you both had been using to signal it was you when you were younger. She came to it, ready to go out for the walk.

It was something the two of you did, a ritual of sorts. You would go for that walk and she would do her yoga, both in the day, and in the night.

It was something, it as a break from the monotony. You were with someone that noticed you for who you were, all that you had to offer to the world, not just people (Kim was a genuine friend, you had to admit) who saw – or only allowed themselves to see – one side of you.

However, as she did her yoga, a massive BOOM! Shook the world for a moment. Trini caught herself, quickly reaching out and grabbing you too before you fell off.

“Thanks.” You thanks, catching your breath after almost falling.

“What kind of an older sister would I be if I did?” She asked, smirk on her face.

You shook your head with one as you followed her to the source of the new big bang.

As you saw, it was a bunch of kids, Kim being among them. One that took you by surprise was Jason, a man whose football career had died in a car accident. Why the fuck was he here?

“HEY!” Trini yelled down to them, they all looked up to you both, “You guys looking to get busted or something? This place is a restricted area!”

“Oh, really, Einstein? Restricted? As in, we shouldn’t be standing on crazy rocks doing karate kid moves, right?” One of the ones who name you didn’t know yelled up.

“Alright, stalker.” He laughed, but you could tell it was in a good jest type of thing; in a laid back fashion.

“Yeah, or camping out on old trains. I see you too, homeboy.” Trini said in her own comeback.

The next moment, those ‘crazy rocks’ then collapsed in landslide, seeing yourself and your sister down to join the others.

The rest of it was a blur, you found some coins (yours being Orange), and then a chase occurred, and then a crash.

Now, however, you were back in your bed.

You heard a knock at your door, a specific pattern. It was your sister.

You went to the door, opening it slightly, “What?” You whispered.

She held up her coin; ah, so that’s what this was about.

You let her in, “You ok?” You asked, hands on your hips as she stood in the middle of your room, arms folded.

“I mean, other than confused, yeah. You?” You didn’t fail to notice the quick once over she gave you.

“About the same, really. Others make it?”

“No idea, just know we did.” She said, gesturing with her finger between the two of you.

You ran a hand down your face, “Shit.” You cursed, “Shit.” You said again, having to lean forward for a moment and exhale.

Trini was grabbing you and moving you to the bed before you could continue, “Whatever this is, I’ve got your back, you know that, right?” She promised, giving your hand a loving squeeze.

“Yeah, I got yours too.” You returned it with a smile.

“I know, stupid.” She said as she tapped you on the nose.

“We can try and find them at school?” You said, as if the thought was not even an option before.

“Oh god.” Your sister groaned, leaning back and facing the ceiling, you mimicked her actions.

“How about we both go to school, you do recon, I talk to them? You don’t even have to talk to ‘em? We can’t find them, we’ll go up ourselves, ok?” Trini always admired that about you, how big of a heart you had, how much you cared.

She sighed, “…Ok.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You found Kim at school as you entered school. Like she promised, your sister stood in the corner, keeping an ear out.

Like she said, she’d have your back. And, so far, it meant doing this.

“Hey.” You said, jogging to catch up with her.

She paused as you approached her, “Hey, back. You ok? Or…like, remember yesterday at all?” She asked.

“I remember the crash, don’t worry. And, to answer your question, I’m good. Like nothing ever happened. Even if something did.” You answered, trying to keep it on the low down so no one questioned you.

“He’s back,” A student whispered, tapping his friend on the arm and pointing in your direction, “Here he’s only hanging around her to get it in the s –” He never got the finish his sentence, as he was pinned against the locker.

A BANG! Went through the school at his impact, he even made a dent. Kim’s eyes widened. Ok, so it wasn’t just her that had extra strength.

“Hey. Hey.” Kim said, quickly intervening, pulling you away, “He’s a dick. Ignore him.” She told you, holding you back when you went again.

Your sister watched, waiting for a moment to jump in and get involved herself. Part of her wanted to when she saw the cocky look the guy gave you once you were off of him. Somehow, he managed to ignore the massive dent in the lockers. Whatever items he had in there would not look the same after a hit like that.

“Whatever.” You said, taking your arm back from Kim, saying something to her, before walking over to Trini.

The last Kim saw of you, was you walking out with your sister putting an arm around your shoulder in comfort.

 “What’d he say?” Trini asked, leading you on another walk to calm you down.

“Apparently, only reason I’m friends with Kim is because I apparently want to…you know.” Trini cringed at the thought of it.

“God. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault, Trini. Hey, you saw that massive dent in the locker, right?” You asked, grabbing her hand as she pulled you up some rocks.

“Sure did. Someone took their breakfast choices seriously this morning.” She joked. You laughed, for once a genuine one.

You continued on your walk, going up to the area where the explosion happened and where you found these coins.

Maybe it’d give you some answers. Maybe show you as to why your emotion was elevated and –

“Maybe why you hit that guy so damn hard he dented the locker?” Your sister guessed.

You paused, “Out loud?”

She nodded with a laugh, “Yup. Guess you never kicked that habit.” She teased. You punched her shoulder lightly. Thankfully, the powers didn’t kick in there.

Still, it lightened the mood a little.

“Ask me, he had it coming to him.” She said, both in an attempt at comfort, but also to voice her own opinion on the matter.

“Think I scared Kim, though…” You drifted off.

Trini paused, turning back to you, “Hey,” She waited until you met eyes with her, “If she can’t handle the fact that you’ve got your own shit going on, then that’s on her, not you. If she can’t see you aren’t just the joker type, then that’s her fault.” She was blunt, but you could be too. That was the thing with twins.

“Hey!” A voice called after you had continued walking for a bit longer. Turning you saw it to be Jason, along with Kim, Zach, and Billy.

Seemed the whole gang had a similar idea to you, then.

“We should figure this out together!” Jason exclaimed to you both.

The two of you shared a look, silently discussing how to move forward.

When you did move it was up the almost 90 degree slope. The two of you scrambled up it, the thing almost turning into a race.

Kim was gaining on you, just behind you. Trini grabbed your arm and helped you up as the two of you kept going.

You both were forced to stop; A) by Kim’s exclamation of just that; and B) as there was a drop that seemed to never end and a jump you didn’t think you’d make.

You both shared, sighed, and turned to the others.

As Kim spoke, she softened her voice, “Just…Just talk to me. You have a coin. We have a coin. We should just talk about this,” Her eyes then went to you, “And about other things too.” You knew what she was referring too.

“I mean, we don’t know what this…” Kim went to continue, but you saw – out of the corner of your eye – that Trini was pissed at the way Kim looked at you. Trini tapped you on the arm, silently telling you to follow her lead.

So, you did, the two of you leaping across the massive jump. Trini made it, landing on her knees. You, meanwhile, rolled.

Trini grabbed you by the strap of your backpack to stop you from rolling further.

“Got you!” She said, hoisting you up.

A laugh then left you, “Didn’t think we’d make that.” You admitted, hands on your knees as you caught your breath.

Trini chuckled, She playfully punched you in the arm, “When have I ever let you down before?” She asked.

She hadn’t, “How much time you got?” But she still rolled her eyes at your joke.

Zach, seemingly finding a thrill in all this, took his jump. Like bowling pins, the two of you were knocked down.

“I just cleaned my jeans, dude!” You groaned as you got up.

Zach put his hand on Trini’s shoe, “Hey, I got them!”

Trini was quick to remove the shoe, “Get off me.”

Trini helped you clean yourself off as you drank from a water bottle. You watched, with amusement, as Jason and Kim jumped over. Kim landed like Trini, on hands and knees, while Jason landed right on his front.

Kim moved to help Jason up as you gave Trini the water bottle.

Then, it was Billy’s turn.

“It’s fun.” Jason said, trying to get the boy to jump.

“It’s such a far jump.” He exclaimed in return. It was fair.

“Hey, Billy!” He looked at you, “If I can make it, so can you. You got this, buddy.” You said in encouragement.

Everyone else joined in after that. You all trying to get the boy over so you could, hopefully, find out just what the fuck was happening.

However, for Trini, she was a bit cautious when she saw the look Kim gave you.

Billy then went for it. Trini stood up, not actually expecting the kid to go for it. You all watched, you and your sister in silence, the others with words of encouragement as he sailed through the air.

He caught himself on the cliffside. You went over, offering him a hand. He took it, as you pulled him up.

“Thanks.” He said to you.

“Course.” You responded, with a genuine smile.

He celebrated, clapping and dancing. You couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.

You rolled your eyes, chuckling at it. The smile was whipped the next moment though, as he fell backwards, down the hole.

You all ran over to it, looking down into the seemingly endless abyss.

“Hey, guys, you gotta come down here!” Billy yelled up. You all took a breath of relief. He was ok.

You looked at your sister, eyes having a glint to them, “No.” She ordered, pointing a finger at you, “No, we aren’t doing that.”

Kim laughed, you looked to her, giving her a wink, “See you on the other side.” You said, before jumping down the hole.

You heard your sister yell out a, “No!” but you were already falling.

You hit the water, going down for a moment, before coming back up for air. It was a cave, a giant one, and it had been here this whole time it seemed.

Your sister’s yell made you look up as she and Kim hit the water next to you.

You all looked down, seeing your coins light up the retrospective colours that they were.

You went down, swimming towards something that shimmered in the water. You went to it, putting your hand to it.

What you didn’t expect, was for your had to go through the water. You then seemingly rose through it, being able to breath.

You all looked around at the new surroundings, still seemingly part of the cave.

However, you noticed something, you were sliding.

“Shit –” You tried to say, but you were cut off as you all fell through the  water, hitting the floor with a THUD!

“That went well.” You groaned out. You looked up, opening your eyes, seeing Kim offering you a hand. You took it, being brought up.

“Kind of did, huh?” She asked, smile on her face. This was the you she knew.

“Well, we ain’t gonna forget today, huh?” She laughed, breathless.

You continued onward, feeling the walls vibrate as you walked. You stood as a united front at wat appeared to be an entrance.

An entrance to a spaceship.

You all approached it, “Looks like something stronger than Graphene.” You said, putting your hand to the wall of it.

As everyone entered, you saw Kim and Trini looking at you, “What?” You asked, looking mainly at Kim.

“Thought you didn’t pay attention in class?” She asked, with a confused look, but small smile.

“I pay attention, when I haven’t done that studying already.” You answered, passing her and walking in.

As you walked in, Kim turned to Trini, “Is he serious?” She asked.

Trini considered the girl for a moment, before nodding, “Yeah. Should see him when he finds something in that book or another subject, it’s like he’s another person.” She seemed to stress the last part of the sentence, as if to try and get through to the other girl.

Kim just hummed, walking in after you.

You came up into what looked to be the main walkway in the ship, circles with different colours were around the place. It looked alien. Then again, it was.

As you all looked around, your sister put out the option of leaving. Seemingly the path she wanted to take.

You looked around the interior, seeing a tube blink flash a light. Then, the big circles that acted as walls turned. It was as if it was expecting you. The stairs rose to your level. You were trapped.

Or, at least, not through the way you came in. There was a doorway, one lit up.

“Guys, guys wait –” You tried to say, but Kim stopped you.

“Y/N, we need to run!” She said, grabbing your arm and pulling you with her, through the doorway.  

And, so you did run.

You ran passed your sister, grabbing Kim’s hand and pulling her into your space; however, you found yourselves with legs open and touching.

“Hey.” She greeted, almost trying to bring humour into the moment to try and help her anxiety.

“Hi.” You replied with. Both you making sure to keep your voices low.

You kept quiet, before you heard a scream. Your sister’s scream.

You – somehow – managed to get out of your hiding spot instantly and ran to help out your twin. Kim was right behind you. There, you all saw a robot – or alien – or thing.

The robot flung Zach and yourself away from the group as you went for aggression. As you hit the ground, you heard your sister call out your name in fear.

Zach was up first, offering you a hand, “Did not go to plan.” He groaned, pulling you up.

“Don’t I know it.” He gave you a pat on the shoulder as you made your way back to the group.

The robot introduced himself as Alpha, and he led you to a massive wall. As you walked, Trini put a hand on your arm and gave you a quick glance over.

“I’m fine.” You assured her, putting your hand on her arm and giving it a squeeze.

She gave you a nod as you walked into the room. It was massive, with what looked to be a moving substance on the wall; made of thousands of cubes.

A face was then revealed on that wall; this was Zordon. And you had set yourselves up for something much bigger than yourselves.

Zordon was exactly pleased, but he had no choice.

You were going to become a team of warriors; Power Rangers.

So, at least you got your answers.

Kim moved back to stand next to you, seeking your hand for comfort.

Your sister, despite the massive talking head, did look back to you and see the hand holding.

She saw you were completely into what Zordon was saying, and not really paying attention.

But she was.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, you all had to get used to each other now. That meant not just in the ship, that meant at school too.

You didn’t mind being seen with them, really. It was just…it was hitting too close to home.

“Have you made any friends yet, Y/N?” Your mother asked you as you all sat down for some food.

You took a sip of your water to avoid the question.

“I know what you’re doing. Your sister is ghosting me, you don’t have to either.” She said.

Your sister was looking at you the whole time, gaging your reaction. She could tell that being with that group was helpful in a way, but detriment to you in another.

“I found a group, mum. Trini did too. We’re good, we always were. But, we have other people now.” You answered.

Your mother smiled what was meant to be a genuine one – but you could see there was a tiredness to her look, “That’s great, honey. And, any luck on the girlfriend department?”

You sighed, tired of being asked this constantly. You weren’t interested in that department. But, with your parents – more so mother than father – they were sure you just hadn’t met the right person yet.

Your sister then used her voice, seeing you gripping your fork tightly, “Alright, you want me to talk? Me, Y/N, and four kids from Angel Grove found a spaceship buried underground. I’m pretty sure we’re super heroes.” Trini said it in a bored tone, but she did seem to liven it a little when you looked at your younger brothers; knowing how much they’d enjoy it.

And they did, with their jaws on the floor.

Your mother, however, had that tiredness return. She slammed a cup next to Trini, “Pee in that cup!” she demanded from her older daughter.

“Alright fu- screw this.” You said, standing up and walking away from the table.

“Y/N, come back right now!” Your mother demanded as you grabbed your jacket.

“Going for a walk, mum,” You turned back to her, “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hit anyway. I’m gonna go for a walk, maybe scream into the eternal void or something.”

 Did you feel bad for leaving Trini behind? Yeah, you did. But, you got a text not long after from her; “I’m not mad about you leaving, do what you need to for you. I dealt with it.” Was what it read.

“Hey there, stranger.” You paused in your walk, turning and seeing Kim approaching you.

You smiled, “Hey, back.” Stopping your movements and letting her catch up with you. It was coming to evening time around now, with the sun setting.

“What you doing out here?” She asked when she finally made it to you.

“What are you doing out here?” You asked back, smirk growing on your face.

Kim chuckled, shaking her head, “I asked first.”

You shrugged, smile softening, “Came here to get away from my parents for a bit. You know how families can be sometimes, right?”

She nodded, “Sure. Mines…normal. But, I’ve seen the many types of them.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t get the worse of the bunch with parents. But…I don’t know. Just need a break sometimes from them, you know?”

She nodded, “You could always show them your new powers, show them how you feel.”

“I’m not committing murder, Kim.” She laughed again.

“Speaking of showing them –” You knew where this was going.

“Yeah…The school thing. Listen, I – uh, I’m sorry for bailing on you when that happened.”

“I was worried about you, I’ll be honest. I mean, I’ve never seen you like that, before. Never seen you that…angry.” She sounded concerned, even now.

“I’ve never seen you hit a guy, either. There’s a lot about both of us…or, any of us, really, that we don’t know.”

“Why hide it, though?” She asked, as if she hadn’t one the same thing. But, still, a valid question.

You shrugged, “To keep some sort of fame in high school? Maybe – maybe because you’d want a knew start.” You tried to be as vague as possible.

She tilted her head, “How’d you mean?” She asked.

“Don’t matter –”

“It does.” She insisted. She seemed to not want to give up. She seemed to want to get to know you on a deeper level.

“It’s not great stuff, Kim.”

“I fucked up too. Hurt one of my friends. Texted an image out. They kicked me out the group.” She admitted, looking at the sunset.

“Guess we ain’t all as clean as we thought, huh?” You gave a chuckle, but there was no humour behind it. No joy with it.

Kim’s eyes seemed to shift in emotion; going from a kind of sympathetic look, to an understanding look with something else under the surface.

The next moment, that other emotion was made known as she leant forward and slammed her lips into your own.

You were taken aback, but she grabbed your shoulders as she deepened the kiss. Keyword: she. You made no action to deepen it.

It was all her, but you still acted as if you liked it; you were good at that after all, pretending.

She pulled away, smile on her face; you slowly returned it with your own.

She gave a satisfied nod, and a wink, before disappearing into the sunset. Leaving you stood there, frozen.

You were quick to return home after that.

 When you did, it was night time. Everyone was in bed. Well, everyone who didn’t have super powers.

“You were gone a while,” Trini said, making you jump as you spun around and saw her turning on your bedroom light.

“You scared me.” You put your hand to your chest to try and calm your racing heartbeat down.

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah, well, you scared me. Consider us even.” She always could have a bite to her words when she needed them.

“Sorry, Trin, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” She patted the bed, “Come sit.” You did so.

There was silence for a few minutes as you both laid down, facing the ceiling, “Kim paid me a visit, seemed almost nervous.”

You looked at her, “Really?”

“Yeah, asked me if I’d be cool if you two became a…thing,” Uh-oh, “So, you never told her?”

You sighed, “It never came up.”

“So…your preferences of a partner, or the fact that you don’t want one in that way never came up? In a school full of horny teenagers?” She even raised an eyebrow; seemed the reliable big sister who calls you out when you fuck up was coming out to play now.

“Remember when we did? When we talked about it. Or, when I talked about mine? People were call with your one, mine not so much. Look where it got us.” You justified it as.

“But it’s a part of you. It’s part of your identity. I own mine, you should own yours too.”

“The angry part that got us here?”

She hit you on the arm, “You know which part I mean…You want me to tell her?” Now this was big, your sister offering to do that for you.

“You’d do that?”

She looked confused, “Why wouldn’t I? You did something similar for me. Might not be as…like, generous or charming when I do it, but if you need my help, you know I’ve got your back.”

As you went to argue the point you made previous, she put up a finger to stop you, “Now, get some rest, got training tomorrow. I’ll be here until you fall asleep. Gotta get my own beauty sleep after all.”

You chuckled slightly, before closing your eyes.

You were so glad you had your sister by your side.

Training got more and more aggressive with you and your sister. You and her could always fight when needed, and it definitely showed here. You both seemed to know what the other was going to do in a matter of seconds, going to block it. It was as if you were both aware of the choreography.

When it came to the others, you would both be able to mostly win with the others.

However, they saw that determined side come out as well. How, whenever they’d win – not that you were a saw loser – it would push you to throw yourself into more training.

With Kim, she was the one that seemed to match you in quickness. She seemed to be able to read you, even giving you a smirk before your fights. It would be a quick one, and a mixed back on who would come out on top.

It gave her the wrong messages, ones that your sister did try to get her to understand.

The first instance of that was at the café, after they had fought over the food. It was nice, Trini liked the girl and saw a friend in her, despite her reservations.

However, she still remembered why she called the girl here, “So, how are you and Y/N getting on?” She asked, drinking her coffee.

Kim shrugged, “Taking it slow.” She answered.

“You like him?”

“I – I mean…I think so? I…If I had to choose, it’d be between Jason and him. They’re both great guys.” Trini couldn’t help but nod, she had known you longer – obviously – but Jason had his merits.

“I think Y/N would want you to go for Jason.” Kim looked confused.

“Wait, why?”

“That’s his story to tell. It’s got nothing against you, though. He just…doesn’t feel that way…” She wasn’t entirely sure how to let her down easily.

“But…he let me kiss him.”

“Did he kiss back?” Kim knew the answer to that one.

 When it came to Kim at training, she seemed to be in analysis mode.

“Trying to size me up?” You teased, throwing a punch that she blocked easily.

“In a way.” She said in return, but there wasn’t that spark to it. She flipped you over.

“Ok. Someone’s extra fiery today…You wanna tell me what’s up?” You asked you got up.

She didn’t answer right away, “…Could we talk about it at the bonfire tonight?”

You nodded, “Sure.”

Billy had been able to morph for a moment, the purest of you doing…whatever needed to be done for it to occur.

It only showed you guys were getting closer, you were being freer with each other.

You were becoming…almost…friends.

You all sat at the campfire, the thing crackling as you all laughed and exchanged deep secrets. Trini had told hers, of the troubles with your parents and her partners.

The others all saw how you put your hand on hers for a moment, as she interlocked the fingers and gave them a squeeze in thanks.

It was the most open they had seen her be, even if a small gesture.

Then it came to you.

“You don’t have to –” Trini said, voice soft and concerned.

You shook your head, “It’s ok. They deserve to know,” You then turned your gaze to the others as you spoke, “There was this girl in school. I liked her, just not in that way. She – let’s just say she didn’t take it lightly. Found a guy right away, big guy. He and his crew came after me. One thing led to another, Trini and I are a little bruised…but, that group was worse. Last thing that happened before we moved here.” You gave a condensed version, not wanting to go into details.

As the news settled on everyone, you only looked at the fire as your sister asked a pivotal question.

Where you guys even friends?

You went on a longer walk, this time in the early hours of the morning, figuring it would be the best time to get your mind cleared of a lot of things. You had an inkling that Kim knew about why you didn’t kiss back, you were just unsure of her reaction.

Did she hate you for not telling you that or what had led to you and Trini coming home? Did the others not trust you any more.

Those questions raced through your mind as you sat on the hill, overlooking the city.

You looked at your phone as it chimed. However, as you went to check it, it vibrated, a phone call.

Your sister’s ID appeared on the screen. You answered it immediately, “Trin?” You asked, concerned as to why she would be calling at this hour.

“Can – can we meet?” She was normally easy with words, even if not many. She was gasping for breath. She was scared.

“Where are you?” Was your only question.

You had met her at her desired place, the grounds of the football field. She explained to you (and the others, when they arrived) what had happened; Rita had found her and threatened her to kill her whole family if she didn’t keep a secret and/or join her. That secret was that the end was coming, that Rita was coming the next day.

However, there was a spark of hope, a dockyard where you could maybe get the upper hand.

As you went there, that turned out to be false.

You all ended up tied to one of the boats by ropes, held by her will. As she passed you, she grabbed you by the chin, “Ah, Orange, always my favourite. Always had the most personality to them.” She said, laughing as she heard Trini growl, “And always close to Yellow. Oh well, maybe baby brother will be the one to take the fall.”

It was worse than that, though, as it was Billy who suffered that fate.

You were all released, and all finally came together as you lifted the poor boy out of the water. Kim then knelt near him, putting two fingers to his neck.

But she was the one who called it, he was gone.

Trini took a step back, and saw you frozen, tears in your eyes and wanting nothing more than to fall. She too felt the weight of this, but her instincts were kicking in. You were hurting, and you needed some form of comfort.

You were almost passive on the walk back to base, tears going down your face.

You were pretty much absent during the talk, just stuck in your own world.

Trini continued to hold your hand as you jumped down into the water, even that didn’t snap you out of it.

She continued to hold it as you entered the base, laying Billy’s body on the ground.

She then met the eyes of Kim, the other woman siting on the stairs, listening to Jason as he took the blame. As soon as Trini had tried to get her silent message across to the girl, she then gave her pledge that she would easily give her life for any of the group, but her eyes went to you by instinct.

You were her little brother, that shit would be true without it being said. Still, she gave your hand a squeeze to try and help the words sink in and try and help you not drown in your thoughts.

You let out a happy sound at seeing Billy come back from the dead, genuinely happy and in a different sense of shock.

As you tried to control yourself, Kim entered your vision. She couldn’t help the smile on her face, but it softened as she met your eyes.

That attraction she held before was still there, but there was also a look of understanding as well, “I – uh, I know this isn’t the greatest time. But, I wanted to apologise, I shouldn’t have kissed you…”

You shook your head, small, almost sad, chuckle leaving your mouth before you spoke, “I shouldn’t have led you on…Should’ve told you, I’m sorry.”

She nodded, “It’s ok. You had your reasons. I wouldn’t say you strung me along. I just…didn’t see it, either. I’m glad I’ve gotten to know the real you, Y/N.” She said, sincerely.

“Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all.”

“I can still joke, you know?” She smiled at it, shaking her head.

“I can tell. So, what do you say, friends?” She asked, holding out her hand.

You nodded with a massive smile, shaking the hand, “Friends.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were now suited up, and going up to face Rita’s henchmen. You were all in sync, jumping off of one another as if it was nothing. You were a team. You had an understanding with one another.

You made it to the top, jumping over the edge and continuing the assault. Trini rolled over your back as you slammed a creature into the ground. As she went over, she kicked one about to punch you, blocking the punch and slamming her fist into the side of the creatures – named Putties – head.

She looked back to you, despite the helmets and visors, you could tell she was grinning, “Got your back.” She teased, before moving on.

You punched another, throwing it into it’s friend.

You all pushed up, before the tables started to be turned, and you started to be turned back.

You were pushed back to the edge of the cliff. You knew you’d all stay together, though, until the end. You were loyal. You were a fighter.

Zack’s zord saved you all in the nick of time, piling on top of your enemies.

Your visors all retracted as you looked at the fight in the city.

It was zord time.

You could be fearless when needed, and you definitely needed it as you all rushed into said city. Your zord was like Trini’s, a fast one that prowled the streets.

You seemed to get to grips with it fairly quickly.

You were adaptable.

You swung your tail around, smacking into the horde that was coming towards you. As you looked ahead, you saw some going to Trini’s Zord.

“Trin, you trust me?” You asked, over the comms.

“Always.” Was her response.

At it, you fired your lasers, watching as the putties all exploded at the impact.

You swung it around again, the tail hitting more. You let out a war cry; you could be angry too when needed.

With it all seemingly said and done. That just left the big guy; Goldar.

You all lined up. However, as you all psyched yourself up, you saw more Putties in the distance.

“We can’t fight Goldar and the putties at the same time.” Jason said, knowing that it was the only truth in this situation.

“Someone has to go.” Said Zach.

“But it’s suicide.” Kim morbidly reminded you all.

There was a silence as you all let it sync in.

Then –

“I’ll do it.” You said.

“No –” Trini instantly went to talk you out of it, but you continued.

“Look, you guys can handle him, ok? I need to get the putties away from those people. Trust me.” You seemed almost calm.

That was another thing about you, you were brave.

Brae until the end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was over, they had one. It was all silent. The people had dispersed, it was just their giant zord left standing tall.

As soon as she could be, Trini was out, calling out your name and trying you on the comms, nothing came of it.

Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, her anxieties off the chart. She was thankful for the visor on her helmet being blacked out, it meant that no one could see the worry.

She had let you go, alone. She knew how you two could be, how you both were as stubborn as the other.

The older was meant to go first.

She found your zord, finding it smoking and trashed.

She ran, as fast as she thought she had in her life, ever.

She climbed up your zord, calling out your name. She found you, visor covering your face, but you weren’t moving. There were scorch marks on your armour, and the glass of your zord had cracked.

She dragged you from it, hands going to your helmet.

“How – how do I get this off?!” She was panicking, forgetting the button on the side that would unlock the visor.

She finally found it, and was met with your eyes closed and your body limp.

Tears pooled her hers, and she let out a wail.

You were gone, you weren’t coming back.

They had won, but at a cost.

But, at least they had gotten to know the real you. The one that they hadn’t known existed.

They had met the hero you actually were.

#trini kwan imagine #trini kwan x reader #power rangers imagine #power rangers x reader

[root-admins]

SINoALICE x NieR Replicant - Weapon Stories

A complete compilation of all weapon stories from SINoALICE’s NieR Replicant collab... well, the ones that has lore to do with NieR anyways.

Whatever grammar mistakes/translation errors belongs to Pokelabo, and you will tell there are some. Most are stories are pretty self-explanatory tho.

Grimoire Weiss

We fought for what seemed like ages. To kill those things that took a twisted human form. To protect those precious to me, with my own hands. We were deceived for so long. Deceived by people in a land we've never been, whose faces we've never seen Issuing orders from a safe distance. We must have been in love. And despite the fact I couldn't save you, but I never got to thank you for saving me. These fragments glimmering deep in my depths... they seem to be the vague memories of people... the faded remnants of human wisdom... H-hold on! I’ll have you know my name is not “Booky Wooky!” You may call me "Grimoire Weiss" I am a great compendium of ancient wisdom. Treat me with respect!

Grimoire Noir

My name is the Black Book. Are you the king who will lead the world to salvation? Don't be so surprised, Your Majesty. For me, it is a simple matter to speak human words. I sympathize with your distress, Your Majesty. On this occasion, however, we have no choice but to let them deal with your sister. When sorrow overtakes you, you may come to me and speak of your tribulations. Reading is an admirable pursuit. Your Majesty--for me?? I shall peruse this volume if it comes on your recommendation... What is that? You think it odd for a book to read a book? Noir? I would prefer to dispense with this nickname. My name, Your Majesty, is the Black Book. I am a grand tome of human wisdom... thus, to refer to me by such a curious moniker is, dare I say, inappropriate.

Kaine’s Sword

She was slender, with smooth, white skin. The hint of a dark shadow in her expression highlighted her beautiful features. But something about the sword in her hand didn't seem to fit the picture. Anger, sorrow, hatred. When emotions overwhelmed her, she would swing the sword, so there was never a lack of blood to quench its thirst. The problem was that she couldn't put the sword down. A heart and body in constant conflict. No one in the world could understand her. And loneliness was eating her alive. The long war came to an end, and darkness devoured her. But her heart remained at peace. Because she faced fate in the arms of the one she loved.

Halua Head

File_25_10: Update Soon twins will be arriving. There is nothing at all in the white-walled, prison-like room except for a white bed. If only there were something to do in there... File_25_12: Update I went to look in on them, and the girl was kindly encouraging her anxious younger brother. The two of them had heavy expectations to fulfill. The weight of all humanity's hope bore down upon them. File_26_06: Update The day of the experiment, the girl passed me a letter. To the very end, she wanted someone to watch over her brother. Once I agreed, she quickly ran away. Report: Human Weapon Development Things seem to be progressing as expected with Experimental Subject A (Sister), but her condition has changed drastically. In her present state, she seems to have no sense of self. I am urgently beginning work on Experimental Subject B (Brother).

Devola & Popola’s Staff

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, Thanks for that soup recipe! My mom loved it!  －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ A note received from a child in the village. Does this mean they are developing a sense of self? －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, Thanks to the medicine you gave me, I'm feeling a lot better, though I can't leave home yet. Just sending a note to say thanks. －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ According to our records, humans wrote their feelings down on pieces of paper, and sent them to others. Where did they learn to do such a thing? －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, I like you a lot. Will you be my girlfriend? Waiting to hear back. －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ I simply cannot understand the things they have written on these scraps of paper. I feel an unfamiliar feeling, my heart saying “no”… －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Dear Popola, Sorry I couldn't tell you in person, but I'm coming home late tonight. Go ahead and sleep if you're tired. －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ Ah, Devola. No need to worry about me this way. Tee-hee.

Favorite Pot

Yonah, I learned a special recipe! When you eat it, all your injuries will be gone! Oh! I want everyone to feed it to those they care about!

The ingredients are deer meat, sea turtle eggs, fresh veggies and herbs from the garden, and lastly tons of scorpion claws! Next, fill a pot up with all your ingredients, place the top on, and let it simmer overnight! The white steam rising from it is just so mesmerizing. ...Oh! I think it's ready! Smell for a soft scent when you take the lid off. That means it's done! I can't wait to give it to grandpa.

Transience

"Rule 0: You have the right to disband a rule by vote." I am the king's aide and second-in-command. Until now, all rules have be absolute, however, a "Voting Rite" was held where citizens could vote to change rules. Now, let's see what sort of ballots were made...

"Rule 451: Consuming alcohol is forbidden during the daytime." And stated as the reason is: because I like drinking... Because it's anonymous, all these votes are based off selfish desires. We need to improve the system somehow that reflects public opinion.

"Rule 356: Royal inquiries are limited once per day." And stated as the reason is: because I long to be with the King more...? Could this Fyra's vote...? No. Of course not. She's not the type to be interested in love. Moving on...

"Rule 68: The King's aides are to forever serve at his side" Reason being: Thank you for all your hard work. You deserve a break once in awhile... Could this be from the King himself? I'm honored to have stood by your side all these years. And the citizens of this country are proud of your work. There's no doubt of it.

Note: After rigorous deliberation, "Rule 451: Consuming alcohol is forbidden during the daytime", the most voted for rule, was repealed.

Grimoire Weiss ver.1.224

My name is Grimoire Weiss. I am an ancient tome of profound wisdom. After awakening from my long slumber, I traveled the world with my most beloved friends. She was a woman lacking respect for her elders. She'd continuously talk down to me, calling me nothing but paper and even set me aflame. However... Her rash words were also the driving force that moved us all. He was a compassionate and gentle boy who loved his friends. His manor of dress was odd, but his kind words warmed everyone's hearts. This I know to be true. I wonder if he, too had felt any relief from his sins. He was a cheeky guy, but not one you could just leave behind. We've been through a number of rough times together. I'd tell ya about it, but... I'm running out of time. If... If only I had an arm... Then I could have...hugged...him...

Grimoire Rubrum

It's the silk of fate. Knowing you, I shall begin living a life of truth. It's the forbidden fruit. Protecting you, I shall sink into wisdom's abyss. Those are the flames of anxiety. Thinking of you, I shall endure eternity's darkness. That is a reunion of bitter tears. Who are they? Why is it not me who's besides you?

Kaine’s Dual Blades ver.1.224

I craved it. Blind violence and blood-thirsty carnage. And I found it. I finally found it. A vessel stained with anger and hatred, seeking vengeance for the murder of her parents. I possessed that woman and gave her "power." That power turned the woman into a beast. One swing of her blade was enough to cut through stone and her grazes healed in an instant. She began downing every foe before her in the name of vengeance. I was delighted to witness the fruition of my desires. The woman's destruction didn't end there. After having her revenge, she continued to exert her "power" for the sake of her friends. Along her journey, her anger and hatred showed signs of waning, however, I gave it no thought. All I desired was to continue bathing in her bloodshed. Because her body has reached its limit, her power has lost control. Still, in the midst of the clashing of blades, I could feel her desire to protect her friends. Yes, this is the violence and carnage I crave. But why is it deplorable and empty?

Devola & Popola’s Spear

Upon hearing an old lady from the village caught a cold, I immediately collected my medicinal herbs with some boiled water, and rushed out from the library. I nursed her and remained by her side until her symptoms calmed down. She was extremely grateful for it.

I read a picture book to a group of children from the village. It was of an old tale about a brave, courageous man who triumphs over evil. I watched their expressions alternated between joy to sorrow to the story's pacing. I'm glad they enjoyed it.

Devola and I performed a song for the people at the village tavern. In addition to the regulars who drank there, elders and children were part of the audience. At the end of our song, the entire crowd smiled and cheered.

Every day Devola and I have been staying late at the library thinking of a plan to make life easier for the villagers. They're indispensable "vessels" for the project, so we need to do what we can for them.

Letter to the Postman

I was in a dimly lit cabin when I met a kind man. He taught me how to write a letter. What should I write on a blank piece of paper...? ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Apparently, a letter should start off with the name of the person you want to give it to. Of course, I'd want it to be his. I hope he'll be able to read my sloppy handwriting... ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― 　　Hans ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

At the end of the letter should be the name of the person who wrote it. Of course, that would be the name he gave me. Is it odd my chest feels warm writing it...? ―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― 　　Hans 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Luiz ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

And in-between these two names, I'm supposed to write how I feel. And tell him what I want the most. I wonder if he'll be happy to receive this...?

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――― 　　Hans, Thank you　Thank you　Thank you Thank you　Thank you　Thank you　Thank you 　Thank you　Thank you. Luiz ――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

#nier #nier replicant #sinoalice

[ah-ga-seven]

Till’ The End Of Summer - Chapter 7

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated?

Word count: 4.2K

Genre: Angst.

Idol Cameos: Ateez Wooyoung, BTS Namjoon, MAMAMOO Hwasa (Hye-Jin)

Warnings: verbal abuse, physical abuse, confrontation, toxicity, asshole Yeonjun.

A/N: English isn’t my first language, pls don’t come for me ;)

You stiffened, not able to react to what was happening out of pure panic but the moment was soon interrupted as Wooyoung got yanked away from you aggressively.

“Since when don’t we ask for consent!?” Soobin practically yells as he holds on to Wooyoung's upper arm.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes, looking back at Soobin with an unfazed expression as his eyes land on the hold Soobin had on him. He yanked his arm out of Soobin's grasp. Fixing his clothes as he clears his throat.

“She literally just said she liked me,” Wooyoung states lightly.

“That doesn’t mean you should launch yourself at her, she’s clearly uncomfortable with it,” Soobin says through his teeth, his eyes angrily peering into Wooyoung’s playful ones.

You’re unable to tear your eyes off of them and you really didn’t want to look at Yeonjun right now, knowing his temper; he’d be fuming. But he’s helpless, because to your friends’ knowledge he had no reason to be bothered.

Wooyoung sighs “Loosen up man,” he chuckles in amusement, averting his gaze back to you.” I’m sorry sweetheart. I thought you were cool with it.”

“Eh, I-it’s okay,” you stammer not making any eye contact.

Wooyoung squeezed your shoulder as an apology and assurance that he didn’t care before walking off to the balcony to smoke. You see that one of their friends followed him to keep him company as they disappeared.

“Don’t be embarrassed y/n, it’s just a dumb kiss. No biggie,” Taehyun says giving you a weak smile.  

“Jiae, could you get up.”  

Your ears perk up at Yeonjun’s voice and you see the annoying blonde get up from his lap in confusion.  

If looks could kill you’d be buried 6 feet under because Yeonjun was NOT happy.

All eyes were on him as he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him loudly, making everyone jolt at his aggression.

“What’s wrong with him?” Beomgyu says with wide eyes.

And suddenly all eyes were on you.

You decide to ignore them and run after Yeonjun, feeling like it’s the only right thing you could do in the situation. You didn’t care about your friends’ opinions or the fact that they would probably put two and two together by now. But you needed to know if you could salvage the damage that you had just done to your potential relationship.

You run after him, but you’re too late to catch up with him as the elevator doors close on you.  

You decide to take the emergency exit and run down the flights of stairs as fast as you could in an attempt to still catch him before he was completely out of sight.

As you rush through the doors and see his figure leave the entrance of the apartment building you yell after him.

“YEONJUN, WAIT!”  

You’re completely stressed and out of breath. You needed him to turn around to look you in the eyes but he ignored you completely. Fists balled, taking big strides towards his car.

“Yeonjun.” Your voice cracked, it sounded like a desperate plea. All you wanted was for him to look at you and talk to you.  

The crack in your voice made him stop in his tracks and he turns around on his heels in response, seeing your saddened and distressed facial expression.

“I-I didn’t know what to do, I don’t know why I said what I said, it seemed like the best option, and I-” you stop mid-sentence as you lock eyes with him.

Yeonjun’s gaze on you went dark, he took a step closer to you, and somehow you felt really small. His eyes were scary and his height was intimidating as he looked down on you.

You wanted to take a step back but you didn’t budge. Too dazed and out of it to react logically.

“It seemed like the best option?” Yeonjun says lowly, his eyes looking for more answers in yours. “You could have just lied a different lie y/n. Aren't we supposed to be used to it by now?”

“I’m sorry,” you say in almost a whisper, looking down at your feet. “I couldn’t have anticipated that kiss.”

He scoffs, the look in his eyes shifting to one you hadn’t seen before. They almost looked venomous, scary even. Any affection for you was nowhere to be found.

“All this time you worry about me. My reputation. My past. And you’re the one literally kissing another guy in front of me. And my best friend at that.”

“Yeonjun, don’t pull that card on me. It wasn’t intentional, I would never hurt you on purpose. Ever.” You assure him, holding onto his arm.  He needs to understand. You NEED him to understand that you would never initiate any of that shit with Wooyoung.

You knew he was just reflecting his insecurity on you in a form of anger. He didn’t know what to do with the jealousy in his gut because he never had to deal with this type of emotion. He cared about you. No, he loved you. And it was clear as day to any outsider looking in. But did he realize that this is what love is supposed to feel like? Passionate and painful. But also, frustrating and confusing.

“First Johnny and now Wooyoung? Who’s next. Soobin?” you’re taken aback and disgusted at his jab. Your eyes turning big and confused at the low blow, shaking as you let his words register.

He let out a deep sigh, taking your hand off of his arm. “Fuck around all you want,” he says in all seriousness.

“I mean it. Go after Wooyoung. You were so eager to jump in bed with me last night, I’m sure he’d like to finish what I started.” He was mocking you. Making sure he pressed every wrong button just like his father does to him. He made sure to push you away from him as far as possible with his words, afraid that if he forgave you, you’d only hurt him even more in the end, or the other way around.

He couldn’t take losing you, so what better way to prevent that by never having you in the first place.  

His words made the deepest cut in your heart and you couldn’t fully wrap your mind around why he would say something this hurtful and childish. If this is how Yeonjun dealt with his feelings, then you didn’t want anything to do with him.

Your pupils start to tremble, your vision getting blurry as you feel the brims of your eyes fill up with water. You hate how confrontation makes you tear up. But there was nothing you could do with your anger then to let it flow in the form of pure sadness.

You had hoped he’d take it back, that his gaze would soften upon seeing your distressed state but he held his ground. All of the good times you had together in the past weeks flashed before your eyes but when you see the unchanged cold and stoic expression on Yeonjun’s face, you snap.

Before you knew it, your palm connected to his cheek with a loud smack, the air becoming thick as you see the shock in his eyes at your action.

“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE,” you yell at him at the top of your lungs, ready to give him a piece of your mind. You were never going to let him live this down.

“I KNEW I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TRUSTED YOU!” you screamed at him once again, but Yeonjun seemed unfazed by your words. If anything, he was used to verbal abuse. His mind went in protection mode, shutting off completely like it always does when his dad started yelling at him.

You wanted to launch forward but a pair of strong arms kept you from doing so. Your head snaps back bewildered and aggressively. You see Soobin with wide eyes holding on to your waist as tightly as he could. He didn’t understand one thing about what was going on, but he has never seen you this angry in his life.

“It was fun while it lasted,” Yeonjun says maintaining eye contact with you, not minding the crowd that had formed outside, nor the look of pure hatred in your eyes towards him.

He gave Soobin a last look before he turned around, making his way to his car calmly.  

“Let go of me,” you hiss taking Soobin's arms and pushing them off of you. You watch Yeonjun drive off and scoff in disbelief.  

You couldn't believe him. You couldn't believe any of this. Why would he react this way? Why would he say all of these poisonous things and leave you alone like that? You decided you had enough and didn’t feel like explaining any of this to your friends, because honestly; where would you even begin? And what would you even say? You huff, walking away from them with no particular destination in mind. Anger completely filling your senses.  

“Do NOT come after me,” you warn before anyone could say anything to you as you disappear.

Yeonjun stood outside of the massive villa, biting his cheek nervously as he waited for the front door to open after he rang the doorbell to his uncle’s house multiple times.

He knew he was wrong for bothering him at this hour. But he didn’t know where else to go.

The door opened with a dramatic swing. Namjoon rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, shocked to see his nephew in front of him at this hour.

“Yeonjun?”

“What are you doing here. A heads up would have been nice.”

Yeonjun ignored his statement and walked inside. He didn’t even know why he was here but his mind automatically drove his car to this destination. The only family member he had a true bond with was Namjoon, his mother's younger brother. They didn’t differ that much in age, but he was almost like a father figure to him, more than his own dad at that. And well, he lived close and he didn’t know where else to go tonight. He sure as hell wasn’t going back home to the guys.

“I had nowhere to go," he says biting the inside of his cheek.

Yeonjun sat down on the large staircase, burying his face in his hands.  

Namjoon frowned, closing the door while turning the hall lights on. He made his way over to Yeonjun and sat down beside him

Yeonjun couldn’t believe himself.  

He couldn’t believe what he said and what just happened and he needed advice without asking for it.

Namjoon’s wife, Hye-Jin, emerged from their bedroom, and when she saw Yeonjun on the staircase with her husband; she knew enough.

“I’ll go make tea,” she said softly, tying the ties to her bathrobe around her as she makes her way down the stairs.  

Namjoon gave her a sweet smile, brushing their hands against each other affectionately as she passed.

Her words completely went over Yeonjun’s head as his mind started to replay the events from earlier.

“Do I deserve to be happy with someone who is too good for me. Someone who makes life seem too good to be true? A girl who looks at me with so much adoration even though I’m not worthy of her love.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened at Yeonjun’s sudden outburst, he put his hand on Yeonjun’s back, patting him in comfort.

“Of course you do.”

“Then why can’t I let myself feel.”

“Because that’s how you were raised.” Namjoon sighs. “You were ruined by that dickhead of a father of yours.” He cleared his throat. “No offense.”  

“None taken,” Yeonjun says as he sighs loudly, his shoulders falling in defeat.

“I met a girl.”

Namjoon chuckled. “Really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

A small smile crept onto Yeonjun's lips.

“She’s amazing,” Yeonjun says lost it thought, thinking of your smile, and the sound of your laughter. His mind flashing back to your peacefully sleeping form on his bed last night while he adored you as he moved a piece of your hair out of your face.

“Tell me about her…” Namjoon tries carefully.

Yeonjun wasn’t one to open up, and even though this situation was completely random. He was glad his nephew wanted to confide in him. Namjoon was way too busy to his liking in his day to day life. And had to admit that the relationship with Yeonjun felt a little estranged over the years.

Especially since Yeonjun left for college, he hadn’t seen much of him at family gatherings; making it hard to stay in contact with him.

The corner of Yeonjun’s mouth curl up in a faint smile as he thinks of you again, and before he knew it, the thought of you has him rambling.

“She’s beautiful. Inside and out. She’s smart, top of her class. She’s funny, sassy. Keeps me on my toes around her. She’s caring and outgoing but then her eyes hold this innocence…” he explains lost in thought.

Namjoon sighs. “Sounds an awful lot like you’re in love Jun.”

Yeonjuns eyes widen at the 4 letter word and he looks at Namjoon in shock. “What?”

“You love her.”

“H-well. I” he stutters incoherently. Not sure what to make think about his uncle’s point of view.

“Let me ask you this, who do you think of first thing in the morning and last thing before you close your eyes at night?”

Yeonjun didn’t even have to give it a good thought. “Her.”

“That’s love, that’s Hye-Jin to me, and that’s….”

“Y/n”

“That’s y/n to you," Namjoon says smiling softly.  

Mia ran up to Soobin, her eyes big and shocked. “We should go after her,” she says in a panic.

“I don’t know what that was but If it is what I think it is then we can’t let her be alone right now.”  

Soobin stood frozen on his feet. His mind trying to make connections to every single event in the past couple of weeks.

Your vagueness, the lies, the mystery behind Yeonjun never being home. It all clicked.  

You were with him.

And given the shit show that he had just witnessed, he realized that you two were serious about each other.

Mia tugs at Soobin's hand. “Baby, snap out of it,” she says softly.

Her voice made Soobin come back to his senses and he rubbed his forehead as all of the revelations in his mind form the perfect foundation for a pounding headache.

“Mia please tell me you didn’t know that they were sneaking around behind our backs.” He looks at her pleadingly, begging for the confirmation he needed.

“I swear to you. I didn’t know, she didn’t tell me…”  she comforts him, holding his hand.

Soobin nodded in relief, knowing that Mia would be on his side no matter what was reassuring.

Taehyun walked up to Soobin with your handbag and jacket in his hands. “She forgot these…” he says carefully approaching.

Soobin didn’t know what to do but everyone was looking at him for guidance. They were expecting him to take the next step but he really didn’t know what that next step should be.  

“Let’s go inside and talk about this,” he says still too dazed and confused to function.

“I’ll make sure our guests go home.” Taehyun says determined as he runs back inside.

The silence was painful. The boys sat at the dinner table with the remnants of their ruined game night still sprawled out on the table in forms of alcoholic beverages and Uno cards.  

Beomgyu sighed loudly, slouching in his seat.

“Why can’t we ever have a normal night,” he breathes playing with the cords of his sweater.  

Mia looked at Soobin worriedly, she saw how stressed he was, how his eyes were fixated on nothingness while his mind ran wild, trying to figure out where to pick up the pieces.

“So, let’s just…summarize this,” Taehyun says sitting up straight.

“Yeonjun hyung is mad…because y/n was kissed by Wooyoung hyung, and when we got downstairs to see what the yelling was about, y/n basically slapped him in the face with the force of god.”  

“That’s about right, yeah,” Hueningkai says hugging one of his massive plushies, using it as a pillow to support his head on at the dinner table.  

“She would never hit him if she didn’t have a reason to,” Mia says defending you in some way.

“Since when is violence ever justified. That is my brother, and from the looks of it SHE is the one that fucked up.” Beomgyu says defending Yeonjun this time.

“Stop,” Soobin says before an argument could erupt.

“This isn’t a blame game.”  

“I think they’ve been seeing each other romantically behind our backs since the festival,” Soobin says sharing his assumption and it made the eyes of everyone widen in unison.

“What?” Taehyun says in shock.

“Why would they keep that a secret.” Hueningkai asks in bewilderment.

“Because they were probably figuring out their feelings first,” Mia retorts, trying to make sense of it all. She knew that it was basically 3 against 1 in Yeonjun’s defense, with Soobin being Switzerland and not taking sides. She’d never betray you, and she was determined to make the boys realize that it wasn’t just you at fault, even though she knew nothing of the situation in detail.

“Well I felt something between them and it wasn’t cute.” Beomgyu remarks rolling his eyes.

Mia sighed intertwining her fingers with Soobin’s as she played with his fingers absentmindedly.

She needed to talk to you asap, but she wasn’t sure if you were up for that. She needed to know if you were okay and her mind started to list the few places that you could have gone to.

“I feel bad for daring Wooyoung to kiss her.” Hueningkai mopes burying his face in his plushie, but Taehyun was quick to ease his mind. “None of this is any of our faults. If they were honest with us, we would have known not to go that far.”

“I don’t think Wooyoung knew either.” Beomgyu says leaning his elbows on the table as he intertwined his fingers as if he was in a business meeting.

“Of course not, he’d never do that to Yeonjun.” Taehyun replies, leaning back into his chair.  

“I heard what Yeonjun said to her.” Soobin starts, all eyes diverting to him.

"He didn't even want to hear her side of the story. He just burned her to the ground with his words instead. He basically slut-shamed her on the spot.”

“Woahhh…” Taehyun says as his eyes dart to Soobin’s. “That’s….just wow,” he says at a loss for words.

Mia scoffed letting go of Soobin’s hand as she crossed her arms over her chest. “We all know who the real slut is.”

“Mia,” Soobin warns her but she doesn’t care.

“No. Did you guys see the panic in y/n’s eyes when Wooyoung got close to her. She stiffened. I don’t know why she named Wooyoung but she was probably just panicked and not thinking straight. Yeonjun is an asshole with a way too big of an attitude problem who thinks the world revolves around him and him alone.”

The boys looked at Mia in shock of her outburst and Soobin did the same. He didn’t like what she said, especially since he told her about the talk he and Yeonjun had the other night.  

“Mia..” Soobin starts, his tone was soft but also laced with disappointment and Mia knew that she needed to escape before she’d start a fight with him.

“I’m going to go after my best friend, and figure out what happened. Because we can all sit here and talk shit or assume shit. But it won’t get us the answers we need to help bring our group back together.”

Mia got up, grabbing your and her own things before leaving the guys at the dinner table. She didn’t give Soobin her usual kiss goodbye and walked out of the apartment, hoping she could find you as soon as possible.  

“Thanks for the tea, it was really nice” Yeonjun says relaxing in his seat.

Hye-Jin smiled at him sweetly, retrieving the empty cup from him. “You seemed very upset,” she said. “So, I figured you needed some chamomile.”  

Yeonjun chuckled indifferently biting his lip.

“Since you’re…well, a woman. Can I ask you something?”

Hye-Jin grinned at Yeonjun, finding his choice of words questionable yet adorable.

“Sure.”

“When did you know you were in love with my uncle?”

Hye-Jin was amused by the question. She bit her lip giving it a good thought and when she laid her eyes on her husband, she sighed. “When his pain became my pain.”

Yeonjun cocked his eyebrow at her answer, not expecting that at all. Suddenly his mind flashed back to your tearful face when he told you about his parents, and your fallen face from before when he basically ripped your heart out of your chest.

Guilt filled his senses. He wanted to make things right but he also knew that you would never talk to him again, or at least not anytime soon.

Maybe it was for the best. Again, you deserved someone better than him. Someone who could love you without the extra baggage. Yes, he was pissed. Jealousy consumed him almost entirely with the whole Wooyoung ordeal. He turned into his dad and that’s what disgusted Yeonjun the most.

He treated you like his dad treated him and at the moment, he swore to himself that that would never happen again. Ever.  

Pushing people away was what Yeonjun was good at, but what he didn’t realize is that you could be the medicine to his broken soul. He failed to realize that this love thing was a two-way street. He felt best when he was with you, but he didn’t stop to consider that he was a source for your happiness as well.  

Namjoon noticed Yeonjun’s fallen facial expression as Yeonjun sank deep in thought and he frowned, clearing his throat.

“How about you stay here for the night.”

Yeonjun’s eyes find Namjoon’s and all he could do was nod at the offer. "Thank you..."

Hye-Jin got up from the dining table with a loud sigh. “I’ll go prepare the guest room.”

You were seated at a picnic table at the park near your school, looking out over the lake as you try to organize your thoughts.

Yeonjun’s hurtful words kept ringing in your mind like a mantra and you almost believed that he meant every word he said.

It wasn’t even what he said to you, it was why he said it. He said it to push your buttons. To make you angry at him so he could run from you.

Yeonjun was dead wrong for the things he said to you.

And you were dead wrong for putting your hands on him like that. 

The moment keeps replaying in your mind a thousand times over and you wince at the vivid memory.  

You sit there lost in your thoughts for what seems like forever. Since you didn’t have your phone with you, you weren’t able to keep track of time.

You wanted to hate Yeonjun, you really did. But you didn’t.

The way he snapped at you was scary, toxic and unjustifiable, but you couldn’t help but think that he pushed you away on purpose.

After all, you were oblivious to the true trauma of his childhood. The childhood filled with abandonment, mental and physical abuse was still a mystery to you.  

For all you know, all he had to endure was a lack of love with occasional arguments but it was so much more than that. He was extremely damaged, but the way he kept himself together in his day to day life would never give that away.

“Y/n?”  

Your head snaps into the direction of the voice and you relax in an instance when you see her.

“Mia? How did you know where I was?” You were shocked but relieved at the same time. If anyone came after you, you were glad it was her.

She sat down next to you and enveloped you in a hug. You close your eyes, squeezing her tightly and she let you.

She sighs, untangling herself while grabbing your shoulders to make you look at her.

“Tell me everything,” she says. “From the start.”  

Yeonjun barely slept that night. He kept staring at the ceiling, twisting and turning under the sheets. His mind was consumed with you. He wanted to know if you were okay. If you got home safe.

He wanted you to be okay but he also knew that the reality was most likely far from it.

You didn’t deserve the heartbreak, but you’d get over him soon enough; he thought to himself.

Especially with all these men on campus doting after you, you’d soon forget all about Yeonjun and move on with your life.

It’s not like he hoped you would. But he figured it’d be for the better and suddenly he was glad you weren’t too deep in to your relationship.

He was glad you didn’t have sex, because he could never forgive himself if it seemed like he just used you for your body.  

“Sounds an awful lot like you’re in love Jun.”  

Namjoon’s voice rings in his head loudly. Over and over again.

Does he love you?

Is that why this hurts so much?

The movies he watched oh so religiously always made love seem to be nothing less than sunshine and rainbows. It was never about letting the person you love the most go for their own good because that’s just how much they mean to you.  

Letting you go was the most selfless thing he had done, but he wished it happened in a less messy way.  if he was completely honest with himself, he knew that he was going to let you go sooner or later for your own good, and the whole situation last night was the perfect excuse for him to snap at you. He wanted to live the fairy tale with you. To sneak around with you a little longer and have you moaning his name under him as he pleasured you again and again. He wanted to have you, love you, kiss you and hold you. But it wasn't about what he wanted, it was about what you deserved and needed.

You were strong, you had clear goals and a true purpose in life and he was sure you wouldn’t let this short-lived romance come between that.

He had to believe it himself to accept the reality of things.

He lost you, and it was for the best.

Yeonjun rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He got up and dressed himself, ready to leave his uncle’s house after thanking them for their hospitality.  

He knew he had to face the music with Soobin and the other guys sooner or later, and he’d rather just have it over and dealt with.

As he made his way down the staircase, he quickly retrieved his keys from the side table in the hallway, and made his way to the voices that came from the kitchen at this early hour.

While he got closer to the voices his ears perked up at one voice in particular.

He froze as they made eye contact; not knowing why or what she was doing here.

Her eyes widened at the sight of him. He changed a lot in the year she hadn’t seen him.

He was broader, manlier. The baby fat in his cheeks was completely gone by now. He looked strong and handsome, she expected nothing less from him though; given his genetics.

“Mom?” Yeonjun says in disbelief, looking at her picture-perfect attire.

She always looked put together. No matter the circumstance.

“Hello, Yeonjun.” she says giving him a half-hearted smile.

“How have you been, son?”

 Chapter 8 

#yeonjun scenarios #yeonjun imagines #choi yeonjun scenarios #choi yeonjun imagines #yeonjun fluff #yeonjun angst #yeonjun imagine #txt imagines #txt imagine #txt scenarios #txt angst #bts scenarios #namjoon scenarios #namjoon fluff #kpop angst #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop imagines #soobin scenarios #soobin imagines #choi soobin imagines #choi soobin scenarios #choi soobin angst #ateez scenarios #wooyoung scenarios #wooyoung fluff #beomgyu scenarios #taehyun scenarios #hueningkai scenarios #wooyoung angst

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Would You Cry? 

Summary: Hange asks an innocent question and Levi finds himself reflecting on his emotions and his relationship with Hange. Written for @levihanweek. Angstober 2020. Prompt: Silence/Screams

Link to cross-postings: AO3  ffnet

Note: I know I’m late to the party but I will be doing the rest of the prompts for Angstober as well and they will be in chronological order. I hope you enjoy! Do tell me what you think.

"If I died, would you cry?"

Levi was close to spitting out his tea. The only thing stopping him from allowing himself that comfort was its price. Within a few seconds he ended up choking on it and having to cough it all out before looking back up at the one who asked the question. "Hange what the fuck do you mean?" His anger both from having lost the tea, the burning sensation in his throat and of course, the pressure of having to answer something like that. 

It was a simple question. Levi knew that. He could easily answer with a yes or no and be off with it. There were implicit questions surrounding that simple question which Levi didn't want to address as he weighed the question. What is the probability of Hange dying? If god forbid, she did die, would the circumstances allow him to mourn? 

Levi had learned already multiple times, that one could make decisions but never know the outcome. With that though, he went for the safe "maybe"

"I would probably cry if you died. We're the only ones left from the old survey corps and I guess losing you would make me feel like I lost my old self and It's probably gonna take a lot to process it." Hange offered her own answer and looked expectantly at Levi. 

Somehow, Levi felt pressured to give an answer of the same quality. "Why do you wanna discuss this anyway? It's useless. We won’t know how we’d react until it happens. What if I die in battle and you have to be completely focused on the enemy to even survive?"

"Would I wanna be the last one surviving if that happened?"

Processing all the possible could-be's and would-be's had Levi shaken to his finger tips. He put his tea cup down. "About the plans for the port…" 

"Hey Levi, humor me!"

"What do you want me to say?" 

"Would you? Why? Why not? You didn't cry when Erwin died, when your squad died…" It was just like Hange to approach this as if it were a scientific problem. 

"And you want me to go back to all those memories and come up with some conclusion on something we won't even be able to predict. Besides, at that point Hange, will it matter?" It took a lot of energy and discipline to stop himself from raising his voice. 

Hange gave him a knowing look and somehow, Levi understood that with his almost emotional tirade, he gave too much away.

"So you would cry?"

                                              Would You Cry?

The general peacefulness of Paradis since eradicating the titans gave Levi enough free time to consider Hange's question. 

He found himself embarrassed when he would have bouts of self awareness of what exactly he was doing but somehow, it gave him an excuse to think about her. 

The last time he cried was when Isabel and Farlan died. When his special squad died and when Erwin died, he was in no good position to even process the death, especially since he had the younger members to consider. 

Was that the reason I didn't cry? At the heat of the moment, and looking back at it, somehow he couldn't explain it. As he thought further and tried to dissect the raw feelings from his memories, he realized at the point of Erwin and his squad's death, he had already braced himself. 

Every death he had witnessed, somehow helped  him brace himself for the more painful deaths and by the time Erwin and his squad died, Levi had already hardened himself for the impact. 

Would Hange's death feel any different? 

He thought back to her words. 

I would probably cry if you died. We're the only ones left from the old survey corps and I guess losing you would make me feel like I lost my old self and It's probably gonna take a lot to process it.

It worked both ways. Since Erwin’s death, Levi had held on to Hange because she was the only remnant left of the life he missed. The survey corps completely changed since Erwin’s death and it was a painful transformation. They had gotten rid of the green cloak and the brown jacket. Levi continued to hold on to those pieces of the old team but a living reminder of the life he lived before. A point of common history and the feeling of  camaraderie was what drew Levi to her more than anything since Erwin’s death.

She started inviting him for black tea after one of their meetings regarding the extermination of the remaining titans within Wall Maria. She was one of the few people he completely trusted and respected even before Erwin had died. Having lost the whole survey corps though, Levi had only become more vulnerable to the only friend he had left from the survey corps. On top of that, with Take Back Wall Maria operating a success, Levi had given himself some room to hope and consider the future. 

That first time they were alone together was the night after they got back. They brought Eren and Mikasa straight to the jail cell and went out for some tea in their office soon after. That was the night Levi first how beautiful Hange was.  She wasn’t wearing her glasses and her one good eye was staring intently at the black tea in front of her. Levi only noticed then how her eyes would narrow intently when she was thinking and how much comfort it actually gave him since by experience, he knew it always followed an ingenious idea.

Her hair was always messy. As someone more fastidious than others, Levi had hated it at first. Somehow, as he got to know her and started to become aware of the contributions the brunette made to the battlefield, he couldn’t help but think that maybe --  just maybe--- she had planned how to tie her hair, so it could fall into place just like that. It was a ridiculous thing to consider and logically, Levi knew she was just messy and scatterbrained. In the end, he admired that part of her too. 

It was as if every part of her personality was there for a reason.  Her wit, her tenacity, her optimism, her enthusiasm were there to fill something inside him that was missing yet, to teach him something he had still yet to master.  At the same time, her bouts of seriousness always seemed to come when needed, always followed by some plan, some well thought-out  information-backed decision which Levi admitted more often than not he would be unable to disprove himself.

The late night conversations over tea about plans for the taking back Wall Maria, evolved into plans for the port, then to plans on attacking Marley started to evolve into something personal as well. It evolved from questions of “What do you think?” Alone in the commander’s office late at night, Levi and Hange would exchange conversations on opinions they would have never made public in a professional meeting. 

Eren changed. Mikasa changed. The old survey corps wasn’t there anymore. 

Without them knowing the meaning behind the possibly cold and hard  “What do you think?” became “How do you feel?” Eventually, Levi and Hange started to discuss the losses of their squad, the loss of their former commander. 

The room was a mess but I waited months to clean up my squad’s things in the former headquarters. 

I started using Erwin’s old pen set  in the office. 

Do you notice that the commander’s office doesn’t smell like him anymore?

Yeah, the new one will probably be more effective against bullets.  I’m keeping the old survey corps uniform. 

Suddenly, it became questions, of “Why do you feel that way?” He should have seen it coming when Hange dropped the bombshell at that time. Their conversations had become too personal, too meta and Levi only realized at the back of his mind, that he had already imagined a future with Hange. He had imagined every birthday, every success, every milestone with Hange there celebrating with him. He had imagined every loss, every failure with Hange mourning with him. 

That bombshell of a question only brought him back to the inevitable reality that Hange could die. It also proved another painful reality: Hange was thinking about it.

                                           Would You Cry?

The rough life Levi had lived meant that did frequently get nightmares: Erwin’s death on loop as he slashed the titans necks one by one going towards the beast titan, Isabel and Farlan’s gruesome death by the aberrant titan while he was unable to move no matter how much he tried, his mother’s death and the stench of rotting corpse that only got stronger as the days went by, the sounds of rats scurrying towards his mother’s body and his futile attempts at chasing them away. 

Levi had learned to live with them. He would get one and he would just go out for a midnight walk, maybe pass by the rooms of his comrades and listen to their breathing from outside the room, a brief reminder that his life was not all death. By morning, the nightmares would be a distant memory, maybe an added motivation to prevent any unnecessary deaths in the next mission assigned to them. 

That night was somehow different. He wasn’t frozen. He was chasing the titan who was holding an unconscious Hange. He was slicing at the nape with all his power. He went to the front, blinded the titan. The titan continued to hold onto Hange, and Levi instead desperately for the fingers. If he couldn’t kill the titan he could at least save Hange. His swords could not penetrate the hand. He tried hitting it multiple times, from different angles. 

Eventually Levi did  manage to penetrate and cut the fingers off but by then it was too late. By the time he did feel the familiar sensation of blade on titan muscle, Hange had let out a blood curdling scream.

Levi screamed as he sat up. His eyes were wet. He was rattled. His ears were popping. His throat was dry. He was nauseous and had somehow expected something to come out as he dry heaved on the toilet. A few specks of blood came out, Levi guessed from a wound that had opened in his throat. 

Levi painfully muttered curses. He took his pillow and tore it apart in frustration and watched as the feathers fell lifelessly on his bed. Somehow, the feathers falling on his bed, allowed him enough headspace to process what had just happened.  It was just a dream. It was just a dream but somehow it felt too real. He was humanity’s strongest but he was fucking powerless to the thing called life. He could learn all these skills but life always found a way to fuck him over in particular. 

Levi got up weakly. If life was going to fuck him over anyway, he should at least allow himself the luxury of a small indulgence every now and then. He went out of his room and allowed his instinct and procedural memory to lead him through the familiar route to Hange’s room. 

He had forgotten to wear shoes. Any other day, he would have been disgusted to even imagine the dust sticking to the balls of his feet. 

“Hange wouldn’t mind.” That was the  only thing he could think of to justify it. For some reason, it was enough.

Hange had forgotten to lock the door. He had expected to see her asleep or maybe be working on something. He had expected her to be surprised at him barging into the room like that. 

She was sitting up in bed, silently staring at him. It was as if she had expected him to come into the room and she was expecting what he planned to do next. She scooched a bit to the right. 

“You don’t mind?”

“I heard the screams Levi. I’ve heard your footsteps stop in front of my room a lot, especially right after your squad died, after Erwin died, hell after every expedition we had and I wanted to open the door for you every single time, especially right after Erwin’s death. I just didn’t think you’d want to show that side of yourself yet.”

“How are you so sure it was me?”

“Levi. We’ve worked together for so long, you can even tell it’s me knocking just by the sound. I’ve picked up my fair share of things about you too.”

They did not need to say it straight out. The warm smile and the casual confirmation of the small details that peppered their interactions more and more as time went by. Levi was fully convinced then and there of two things: that there existed something special between them and Hange had felt it too. 

He slid beneath the blanket beside Hange and rested his forehead on her bare shoulders. 

“You know, I will cry if you died. I’d scream. I’d beg you to stop whatever bullshit you’re doing.” 

There was silence for a while. Levi thought she was asleep and for a while was relieved that Hange hadn’t heard that more explicit confession. Maybe he just was not ready to lay down his pride yet.

 “You said it yourself. We won’t know how we’d react until it happens.” Her voice felt cold. Maybe that was what was needed from his commander, given the impending war. 

But that could wait another day. Levi pressed his face harder into Hange’s shoulders and moved up to her nape and settled his forehead on her bird’s nest of a bedhead. At that moment, he just wanted her warmth.

#levihanangstober #levi ackerman #hange zoë #levihan #levi x hanji #levi x hange #attack on titan #fanfic

[sunbeams-and-honey]

i lost my last ask, sorry. please help me understand two of my placements, saturn (11h, cancer) opposition chiron (5h, capricorn) and uranus (7h, pisces) sextile north node (9h, taurus.) they are my strongest aspects, thank you so much for your time :) 🕴

Hi darling! Thanks for the question. Looking at your placements is very weird for me because we have the exact same Chiron placement (mine's also in Capricorn and the 5th house). I also have Saturn in the 11th house and Pisces in Uranus! Very strange indeed.

So first I'm going to go through each placement and how they affect your personality, and then I'll go through the actual aspects.

Your Saturn is in Cancer, which means that you care deeply about the well-being of those closest to you. You put a high value on the personal relationships in your life and you want to develop them as much as you possibly can. When you were younger, you may have had problems to do with the people in your life not caring that much about you, and you suffered a lot because of it. Now, you may be trying to overcompensate for what happened in your youth. This strongly affected you, and whether you're aware of it or not, you may be rather opposed to the idea of getting close to people again. You probably have a deep sense of unease and uncertainty about you.

Your Saturn is in the 11th house, making you a friend who can be depended upon and who will listen to your thoughts and feelings. You don't like having to deal with anyone who you consider to be boring or superficial. You may have many acquaintances but not many close friends, again emphasising the idea that you're wary of getting too close to people. You need to remember that not everyone is out to get you, and it's healthy to be vulnerable sometimes. Any childhood relationships that you still have are likely to be very strong and will stand the test of time if you let them. You may find yourself being drawn to those who know what they want from life and know how to get it. You're very responsible, and you may feel like you have a duty to any groups you are involved in. You're very hard-working, and even though you go to great lengths to make things right, your efforts often go unnoticed. If you want to achieve your goals, then keep working hard and just be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

Your Chiron is in Capricorn, meaning you often suffer for not achieving the success you think you deserve. You probably think rather highly of yourself and of the things you can do, but for whatever reason, you don't seem to get the recognition or rewards. This placement is another indicator that you are hard-working, especially in work-related areas and in any social groups you may be in. You may find yourself sacrificing a lot to get to where you want, only to find that you don't ever get there. It may seem easy to just stop your efforts due to you thinking they're not enough, but I'm asking you to not do this. Have patience. You're also very ambitious when it comes to your career.

Having your Chiron in the 5th house means that you may have issues related to your self-expression. You may have been held back from simply enjoying yourself and from doing the things you want to do. You need to accept that it's okay and actually healthy to do things just because they make you happy. Self-care and self-love is not being selfish. You can afford to take some time to truly appreciate your surroundings. Just enjoying the simple things in life will help you to heal any past trauma. You don't have to be so serious! You may have suffered blows to your self-esteem as a child, perhaps from a parent or a bully. You may feel useless and/or unlovable, but I promise you that this is not true. It's not a crime to put value on yourself because you deserve it. You can use your experiences to support any young people who might be going through a similar thing.

Having your Saturn opposite to your Chiron means that you often felt solely responsible for healing the trauma of your whole family. You may have often taking the brunt of family issues and traumas. You feel like you have a duty to always be the one to help your family, but the whole point of family is that everyone does their bit. It's not your job and your job alone to deal with these things. You may unconsciously feel like you should prioritise and achieve the dreams of your ancestors, rather than your own dreams and goals. You might think that this is what they want for you, but I promise they don't. They want you to enjoy and live your own life. That's the way to make them proud. You might find it difficult to associate family with ideas of love and acceptance, and that's valid. You don't owe your family anything, especially if they haven't helped you in the way you've helped them. You need to remember that allowing yourself to experience and cherish joy is a crucial part of your healing process. You might be feeling as though you have to sacrifice literally everything in order to get work done, when this is not the case at all. Self-respect is a huge issue for you and is something you need to learn in order to truly live your life.

Moving on, we have your Uranus in Pisces. You have an amazing capacity to imagine and to think of ways to achieve your wildest dreams. You are somewhat of a visionary, a master dreamer if you will. You can work with whatever spiritual force you like in order to achieve your goals. You are incredibly intuitive and efficient, and have a great balance of being sensitive and also sensible. You are quite sensitive to getting hurt or being disappointed. This vulnerability doesn't have to be a weakness when you use it to your advantage.

Your Uranus is in the 7th house, which means you can have a somewhat irritating and difficult exterior, even though you're actually very sweet. It just takes you a while to let your guard down and show kindness. This is probably a defence mechanism you developed due to any past issues and/or traumas. You're not a huge fan on things staying the complete same for lengthy periods of time, constantly needing change and variety, especially in relationships. You may also tend to attract eccentric individuals into your life, and you may like to form rather unusual connections with them. You're not a typically traditional person so you may like to experiment with different types of relationships. You don't really like to commit and settle down, so your ideal person(s) would be someone who offers you space and lets you have your freedom for as long as you want it.

Your North Node is in Taurus, meaning you can easily put spirituality into pretty much everything. You need to find a balance between the physical and spiritual realms, as you often go from one extreme to another. You are very powerful and sensual but you have a hard time incorporating the two into the same areas of your life. You may be feeling like you can only be one thing or the other with no compromise or inbetween.

Having your North Node in the 9th house means you are destined for great fortunes. There are unlimited possibilities as to what you can achieve with your life, especially in the areas of travel and politics. You may find yourself often having a bad reputation through no fault of your own. You might not have had a great education but don't let that stop you, especially with all the potential you have. This is another indicator that you should trust in your intuition because it's almost always right. You are destined to achieve great wisdom and you should use this to help others once you get it.

When your Uranus sextiles your North Node, this means that you are, quite frankly, somewhat of a genius. You are a unique individual with a great sense of creativity. You are daring and innovative with a very progressive way of thinking. Your childhood might not have reflected this, but the universe wants you to embrace your individuality once you are free from their views and rules. Your family is likely to change their opinions throughout the course of your life, becoming more progressive like you. You might have a fear of change instilled in you but you need to overcome this, and you are very capable of doing so.

Words Of Advice:

Don't let your inhibitions control your life.

Don't worry too much about what others think about you.

Don't rely too much on appreciation from other people.

Identify where you need to change as a person in order to succeed.

You are allowed to pursue the things you want to go after.

Life is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it!

You need to put yourself first sometimes.

Be wary of the effect you have on others.

You don't need to hide from the ones you hold the closest.

Be generous.

I hope this helped darling and I hope you have a good day! Sending good vibes your way.

#astrology #pisces uranus #uranus in 7th #capricorn chiron #chiron in 5th #saturn in 11th #cancer saturn #north node in 9th #taurus north node #saturn opposite chiron #uranus sextile nort node #theclankingofcrystal #asks