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master-xochimilli · 6 months

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◇ About + DNI ◇

Currently: Offline (sleeping)

Welcome to my blog~ My name is Xochimilli, though I'm sure some of you would be eager to call me Master or Sir

A 21 year old genderqueer boygirl cat thing, It/He pronouns (yes capitalized :3)

My asks are always open, go ahead tell me anything, I love going aaaa and talking. Just be nice. Please don't just say "hi" or try to get me to e fuck you, I'm a person

If you cannot handle different time zones and the fact others have work and responsibilities don't even bother. Asks will not be answered right away, please take situation/time sensitive asks with a grain of salt.

Time Zone: GMT -6 • Mexico City

♡ Pet

My pet is the lovely @onetiredpup, or 🫀 puppy who I lovee and adore so so soooo much 💛 THE BOYFRIEND YIPPPEE YAYY HOORAYY :3 💛💛💛💛💛 A A AAAAAA AA AAAAAAA KISSING HIM KISSING HER HUGGING THEM SO TIGHTLY

◇Anon Pets◇

•🪐 • 🩻 • 🦇 • 🪲 • 🐻 • 🐼 • ⚰️ • 🌱 • doe • 🧜‍♀️ • 🫧 • 🌻 • 👑 • 🦦 • 🌌 • 🥺 • 🤍 • 🐾 • 🍰 • 🍑 • 🪣 • 👑🖤 • 🍊 • 🍤 • 🐈‍⬛ • 🪷 • 🐞 • 🐬 • 🌟 • 🏩 • ✴️

◇ DNI ◇

Minors and ageless blogs fuck off, I will block you.

Typical DNI, dont be a bitch to others. Raceplay, and ED blogs also dni, for personal reasons, I can and will block anyone I want to, this is my safe space.

I also just reccomend not to interact if you just want the horny!!! I will rb anything n everything I want <3

◇ Kinks ◇ Limits under cut ◇

Kinks◇

Petplay

Impact play

Soft Degradation + Praise

Bondage

Piss/Omo

Somno

Breeding

Pregnancy

Edging + Cum Denial

Free Use

CNC (emphasis on the consent)

Sub/Dom

Knifeplay

Intox (only alcohol)

Biting/Marking

Primal

Royalty play

Lactation/Milking

Blood

Cockwarming

Objectum

Pain/Physical Injury

Possesiveness

Forcemasc

Monsterfucking

Gore (will not post about it)

Cannibalism (will not post about it)

I'm a bitch ass soft baby when being subby and bottoming, so feel free to ask beforehand about my limits!!!

Limits◇

Apart from what is included in the DNI, do not offer to include these. I either don't enjoy them personally or can't do/write for them !!!

Use of the word "rape" in cnc (literally a fucking victim of it, me panicking and having flashbacks about over it will not be fun so stfu!!!)

Scat

Inflation

Ageplay

Raceplay

Brat taming (I am too soft for it)

Vomit

Size difference

Cheating

AB/DL

Hypno

Sissy

Weight gain/Loss + Feederism

My puppy's good boy chart ♡

Good boy chart for my lovely puppyyyyy, my sweet boyfriend @onetiredpup 💛 So so sooo excited for using it with him !!!! Will update it as they get stickers :3 so everyone can see what a good boy she is~

based off @/droolypupboy's chart !!!!

◇ More:

I'm just queer, so it doesn't matter what you are it's gay if it includes me sexually. Because someone asked: I am kind of pretty sure I am monoamorous, I will engange in sexual play but no romantic stuff :3 -> Aro adjacent thing, heart is being weird about it, might be not fully aro. I have a boyfriebd. I have a boyfriend. Did I mention I have a boyfriend? I have a boyfriend and I love him I love my boyfriend with my whole being 💛 My boyfriend my beloved kissing her face right now actually because I love them and my blog is kinda obviously all about him lmao

Not a transman, I am genderqueer, please respect the queer part of it, no I am not justifying or explaining my gender to you.

I do enjoy being the top dom most of the time, but I'm a nice switch vers at heart and wouldn't mind switching it up if a person came along and put me in place like the clingy kitty I am

Will be referred to as sir, master and people I frequently talk to in a sexual setting can use daddy, only as a title, and nothing more

All pet/master, d/s relations are for fun but I feel very strongly and I will care about you and probably count you as a close friend :3

Autistic and ADHD, and mentally ill, and chronically pained– Age regressor will always log out before regressing. Also a full time worker, don't fret if I don't answer right away~

Please, please, keep in mind I am mentally ill. I am not a healthy person, do not take everything I say as the best option, nor as the best advice. I have shit memory, shit emotions and at times questionable responses.

I will log off the moment I feel myself age regressing, unless I get explicit agreement when big, to be regressed with you, and I will not click out the chat!!

Not open to sending pictures, but will keep any pictures or videos sent my way~ For any curious pet, I'm a pre op and pre t, 5 foot 2 and probably the most fem thing ever

Living in CDMX, long periods of silence are usually due to getting stuck in traffic or power outages, or when regressing.

◇Xochi is a real person I am not horny all the time lmao

A part time librarian! Head of the children's section of the library I work at, love taking care of kids and helping them get interested in reading. Also part time English teacher! Really just doing things I like nowdays~

I'm a pretty big softie at heart, expert crybaby, expert emotion feeler, expert at caring too much. I am also good at being dumb and laughing too much at stupid shit :3

I like stuff apart from masturbating and getting others horny~ Like drawing, Sky: Children of the Light, Sanrio (My Melody my beloved ♡), Percy Jackson, Artemis Fowl, Pretty Cure, plushies and cooking to name a few things I like, so don't be afraid to just talk about my interests! I'm not scary I promise :]

Understanding and open, don't like me being too rough? Go ahead and tell me— Will gladly compliment and comfort you, don't be shy! Also be a sweetheart and tell me if you get excited hm?

◇ Tags ◇

#xochimilli writes -> Orignal text posts

#xochimilli answers◇ -> Answering asks

#xochimilli's pets -> My pets being cute

#xochimilli comfort ->Only comfort more sfw

#xochimilli speaks ->Me bitching about stuff

#xochi is the breeding bitch -> Bottom/Sub POV writings

#important◇ -> important shit lmao

#☆lynn no mires☆ ->irl Xochi, audios and pictures

♡

#🫀puppy-> For my love, my bf, my sweetheart, the one who fills my whole heart and my sunshine :3 ♡

#🫀💛 -> reblogs that make me think of them ♡

☆

♱𝖋𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖔𝖙♱ <- matchy matchy for my bestie my beloved HOLAAA SEÑOR GACHA AAAAAAA

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dduane · 29 days

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I just saw from your comment on the shrinkflation post that you’re also lactose intolerant with IBS. So listen. This weekend I made Nutella-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, and in doing so realised Nutella is a HUGE trigger for me. It’s been years since I ate it so it came as a total surprise. And the cookies were Amazing, so this is just crushing.

Anyway I see your post and I think, you’ve probably been doing this a while, I’ve seen on other posts that you like chocolate, perhaps you have also encountered this issue and have found a Nutella replacement that’s actually good?

Help me Obi Wan.

I wish I could be sure to be of some genuine help here, as IBS seems to be one of those Every Person Their Own Test Tube things. I may get good mileage out of a strategy, but yours may seriously vary.

Re: chocolate: I don't seem to be bothered by it as such. It's the associated milk content that seems to cause me the most problems, so I watch the package labeling closely for that—and fortunately EU package labeling as regards allergens and triggers is, by and large, very good.

I've been using the Monash University FODMAP method of helping to control IBS, but am surprised to find that its associated app doesn't seem to say anything about Nutella. (Which strikes me as a bit weird, but I may be searching incorrectly.) ...Casa de Sante (which is a third-party site that sells "gut supplements") suggests that Nutella is low-FODMAP due to containing fairly low amounts of known triggers. So, all right, that's nice.... but I'll still take that assessment with a grain of salt, as these are people who want to sell you IBS-adjacent supplements.

Here's where things get complicated, though. I do occasionally have a little Nutella (or the non-branded version of it that we get from our local supplier of baking goods, Kells Wholemeal.) And because I carefully restrain myself, I haven't as yet had any problems, because I always take a lactase supplement—a.k.a. Lactaid or similar—along with them. Because lactase is (relatively) cheap, and spending two or three days swollen up and in pain from having gotten careless with myself is not.

As regards the branded stuff, though, there's a problem. European Nutella and US Nutella are not the same animal... and the US version of Nutella is apparently disquietingly cagey about its labeling. It's apparently difficult to tell whether the portion size of the Nutella you're ingesting has enough skimmed milk powder and/or whey in it to set your lactose intolerance off.

My advice to you would be this (and as usual, you know what advice that costs you nothing tends to be worth... But anyway): don't eat Nutella without taking a Lactaid or similar first. Two reasons: (a) To cover your butt. (b) To help act in establishing a basis for any further diagnostics you need to do. If you have some Nutella after having taken lactase, and still have internal trouble afterwards, then it's a fair bet something else in the stuff is triggering the IBS side rather than the lactose-intolerance side of the equation. That soy-based lecithin, for example. I'd be a bit suspicious about that. (Soy, unfortunately, is one of my own triggers. I can still have tofu, but only so, so carefully.)

...And then, after that, act accordingly to what you've discovered. One thing about my intolerance that I do know: it's come and gone without warning* over many years—sometimes receding into the background completely, suddenly getting much worse without apparent rhyme or reason. So an amount of lactose that once wouldn't have troubled you very much might now be one that you have to watch out for. Or else you simply exceeded what is now a wise portion-control amount for you when you got into those cookies.

(sigh) It's the imponderables associated with handling this problem from day to day that are the most annoying aspect of it. I'm not wild about the wariness with which I have to approach a lot of foods these days—not least because this is Ireland, and in this historically heavily-dairy-based culture, food processors will sneak milk into any damn thing without warning. :) But you do what you've gotta do to get by... which means that, outside of the house, I don't put anything in my mouth without having the lactase pills nearby.

Anyway: hope this helps!

*It also doesn't help that my earliest attacks happened before lactose intolerance was widely recognized as being a problem for a significant portion of the planet's population.

#lactose intolerance #management strategies #Nutella

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starsworldd · 1 year

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astro observations part 6

i am back!! please take with a grain of salt per usual. to all my people finishing up ap exam week hope you still have some life left in ya and know that i support you❤️ i only have one ap exam left!!! woo hoo🥳

✢ while many people on here say that cancer risings look like 🌝 in all honesty it depends a lot on their moon sign like everything else with a cancer rising😭

✢ venus in the chart shows where we express our harmonic side the easiest. it may show where we sacrifice bold, assertive energy in exchange for contentment and satisfaction with the people around us or the things (physical or non-physical) around us. venus represents ease

✢ 6th house placements feel restricted often and may feel as though the everyday routines they complete lack a purpose to the bigger cause. although this is very much so a purposeful house, this house also does highlight repetition and with so much repetition these placements can easily feel as though they’re stuck in an ever-perpetuating cycle of the same exact thing everyday — coming from a 6th house sun ☀️

✢ 6th house placements especially sun are also really good at community service, they will put their heart and soul into that stuff

✢ virgo placements get along with saggitarius placements. same with virgo and scorpio

✢ somebody mentioned saggitarius and scorpio both being signs of transformation not just scorpio and i could not agree more. saggitarius being ruled by jupiter wants to expand and make things bigger. making something that was once limited to something large takes transformation and change does it not?

✢ water and fire signs are the 2 sides of the same coin in my opinion. i think the majority of people think that fire energy is too much for water energy, but water energy can be just as overwhelming as fire energy. they both prioritize their emotions and intuition. but people paint water signs so passively and as if they lack confidence which is not necessarily true. fire expels their emotion and intuition through action. water often expels their emotion and intuition internally or metaphysically. this doesn’t make water less motivated, both fire and water are equally motivated. i would say that water is motivated by a bigger purpose or sacrifice. but fire is motivated by feeling and power. but the main takeaway is that water and fire are both intuitive and emotional. just different outputs!

✢ mars conjunct venus in the natal chart often points to some sort of artistic talent, songwriting, performing, singing, etc…

✢ people with both mars and venus in earth signs are very attractive. earth being physical and associated with touch, mars and venus being the feminine and the masculine energy…you get the point

✢ virgo venus and scorpio mars people are the real heartthrobs around here

✢ scorpio is so similar to fire energy it’s so true. scorpio is fire energy but somebody put a dampener in their room or something like that

✢ scorpio placements are good at turning pain into power. i think this is why people often associate scorpio placements with fame or high professional positions

✢ gemini give off the color yellow to me 💛

✢ libra moons have an amazing taste in fashion

✢ mercury retrograde people are really creative

✢ fixed mars people are so attractive im not really sure why but they just are (to me at least). they can also be good dancers especially taurus and leo.

✢ i went on a date with a guy who had an aquarius stellium and boy was he boring…standing out this, standing out that, yes those things can be true but aquarius represents society and the “audience”, and in these contexts people can appear the same from one another (not all aquarius people are boring just offering a different pov bc people always saying aquarius is different and unique from the rest)

✢ jupiter 5th house people have an elite sense of humor

✢ capricorn placements and having naturally good teeth

✢ jupiter in the 6th house is such a blessed placement imo. it’s giving “everyday is a new adventure” 💫

hope you enjoyed!

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thevelaryons · 6 months

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Wait, what do you mean Laenor and Addam are "possibly implied to have the same sexuality"?

So this idea is based off GRRM's tendency to repeat/recycle certain themes for characters from the same family. Seriously, just look at any Westerosi family we get extensive details about and you'll see that GRRM employs this writing method quite often.

As I was saying in this post, Corlys' children are juxtaposed against each other: Addam to Laenor and Alyn to Laena. Fire & Blood makes it evident enough that Laenor is a gay man and with how he shares other parallels with Addam, the nature of their sexuality might be something they also have in common. Now obviously take this with a grain of salt because Fire & Blood tends to be ambiguous in how it presents information. I know there are people in fandom who consider Laenor to be bisexual though I personally (as a bisexual person) don't see it. I've always interpreted him as a gay man. We're given plenty of relevant information concerning Laenor's relationships to other men to reach this conclusion (he's described as preferring the company of exclusively men over women and the overall depiction of his relationships with Joffrey & Qarl all emphasize his homosexuality).

As for Addam, the text does present his "interactions" (using that term loosely) with other male characters in a certain light that leaves room for interpretation.

This moment with Benji having Addam's body taken to Raventree Hall (instead of returning him to Driftmark 😒):

At moonrise the riverlords abandoned the field to the carrion crows, fading back into the hills. One of them, the boy Ben Blackwood, carried with him the broken body of Ser Addam Velaryon, found dead beside his dragon. His bones would rest at Raventree Hall for eight years.

mirrors a similar moment with Loras & Renly, a gay couple:

“I buried him with mine own hands, in a place he showed me once when I was a squire at Storm’s End. No one shall ever find him there to disturb his rest.”

And it's not until 8 years after Addam's death that Benji actually returns his body back to Alyn who seems to have discovered the whereabouts of his brother's body at last. Now I doubt Benji just forgot he was keeping Addam's body back home. At the end of the war, he spent some time around Corlys, years later he and Alyn were together in the Vale, and even after that, they went on their road trip to King's Landing together. But it's not until some more years have passed that Benji finally returns Addam's body to his family. I just find his behaviour suspicious tbh. How do you forget you're keeping someone's dead body at home when you're spending considerable time around that person's family members?? All those chances Benji had to mention that Addam's body is with house Blackwood and he doesn't say anything until 8 years later when Alyn seems to have found out this information and gotten his brother's bones back. Putting aside my personal fave headcanon of Addam actually surviving Tumbleton and residing at the Isle of Faces for those 8 years, Benji's behaviour presents a parallel to that of Loras who buried his lover, Renly, and refused to divulge that information to anyone.

Then there is also the "mating dance" of Addam's dragon Seasmoke with Tessarion, ridden by another male, Daeron Targaryen:

One such said afterward that the flight of Tessarion and Seasmoke seemed more mating dance than battle. Perhaps it was.

Also this passage:

Who can know the heart of a dragon? Was it simple bloodlust that drove the Blue Queen to attack? Did the she-dragon come to help one of the combatants? If so, which? Some will claim that the bond between a dragon and dragonrider runs so deep that the beast shares his master’s loves and hates. But who was the ally here, and who the enemy? Does a riderless dragon know friend from foe?

The books do emphasize the close ties dragonriders have to their dragons (eg. when a dragonrider is hurt their dragon expresses the pain). Even such things as dragons mating with other dragons is only presented in 2 other instances:

Silverwing and Vermithor oft coiled about one another in the fields south of Tumbleton.

Rhaenyra’s dragon Syrax laid several clutches of eggs, doubtless the result of matings with Caraxes.

In all of these instances, the dragons are bonded to riders who are linked together (whether platonic or romantic): Jaehaerys & Alysanne were a married couple, Hugh & Ulf are also presented as a united front every step of the way in the books, Daemon & Rhaenyra are another married couple. So going off that pattern, Addam & Daeron's dragons having a mating dance would suggest a link between them too, either as allies or lovers. Since Addam torched Daeron's entire camp, I very much doubt they were allies. Though the lovers angle doesn't really work in this scenario either. The more likelier interpretation would be that of ex-lovers who knew each other before the war, hence the quote about the dragon sharing the rider's loves and hates.

Going back to my above linked post which you were inquiring about, Addam & Laenor having the same sexuality and yet being different in how they approach their positions as Corlys' heirs does present an interesting dichotomy. Because Laenor, due to his sexuality, does not fulfill the expected duty required of someone in his position (which btw I don't hold against him; I think Laenor exerting autonomy over his own life despite the closeted society he lived in is a great character detail). Meanwhile, Addam is described as "duty bound", so in this interpretation of him being attracted to men, despite his sexuality, he would be someone who always puts family expectations over his own wishes. That would primarily be due to his background as an illegitimate child but it does serve to contrast him once again with Laenor who grew up as his father's trueborn son.

#asoiaf #addam velaryon #laenor velaryon #laenor & addam #benjicot blackwood #addam & ben #daeron targaryen #addam & daeron #meta #ask

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yermes · 3 months

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PAC: 🥀

Fuck it heres why ur ass is single

Im in a mood today

Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice Started a Podcast draft today! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

Socials: TipJar/services | Follow me!

Pick a meme

1 2

The cards

Knight of disks 🛷

21° Leo to 20° Virgo, Earth of Assiah, Chokmah

You strive for a lot of material success and that at times makes you greedy and jealous. You want a relationship to LOOK a certain way but while people can change people rarely change in the way you want and you shouldn’t force people to be something they are not. You have a personal stubbornness about your idea of a relationship and it’s keeping you where you are

Defeat ⛸️

Venus 1. In Aquarius , Geburah in Air, 5 of swords

You are going through it lmao. Your world view will soon be shaped from pain and at times always taking fat Ls can have an impact on who you are as a person. You’re having many intellectual crisis and struggles against fate however you did sign the letter to your fate. Things only manifest because you did things to cause it. You’re single rn bc you are going through so much shit and your world view is changing so rapidly you deadass have no time and have no concept of what it would even look like.

The Tower 🥊

Saturn and Uranus, Mars, The Axis Netzach - Hod, fire

You’re single girlie bc you are straight up self destructing lmao. You’ve made a shocking realization about your current world view and since everything has been violently crumbling down around you. This is what happens when you wanna be so delulu that shit hits the absolute shit fuck fan. While there is good in destruction and we all have it your blind destruction is scaring the hoes. No one wants to be collateral.

Extras:

Story/vent:

I love you guys I am just eepy

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jukey · 11 months

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Blue Lock x Reader Headcanons

Bllk boys cooking for you!!

(nagi, reo, hiori, ness, isagi, chigiri)

let me knoe if yall want part 2 gang and with who🚨🏈🔥🦅🇺🇲

Nagi x Reader Headcanons

he suggested it at first, which was quite surprising knowing how lazy he is

said he wanted to do 'boyfriend things' for you (he doesn't even cook for himself)

he kept messing up in the kitchen, adding the wrong ingredients, setting the temperature too high

dont blame him, he always bought his own meals, this is new (he cant even tell spinach and mint apart)

you just knew it was going to taste horrible once he set your plate down

to your surprise, it actually tasted good, like really good

he didn't think much of it but felt fuzzy when you complimented him

better salvage the taste while you can 'cause this is the last time he'll be doing this

Reo x Reader Headcanons

oh!

he warned texted you beforehand that he was cooking tonight

reo grew up with all kinds of people working at his mansion so there was no need for him to learn how to cook

once you've accidentally taken some wrong buses to avoid going home it was time to face him (and his creation)

a very happy reo welcomed you and lead you to the dining table

he was wearing one of your aprons and you could've sworn you saw some burned food remnants smudged on it

you smiled in pain wholeheartedly when he brought you your plate (it looked like 4 diseases mixed up)

that quickly changed when he insisted on feeding you

with no way to hide the food or run away, you gave up

first bite in you felt your tongue going through the 5 stages of grief

he was so happy when you told him it tasted amazing (it tasted like battery acid)

(i like to think he sent you this before you went home)

Hiori x Reader Headcanons

he is such a sweetheart

he actually takes you out for dinner almost everyday

you suggested it to him first and he agreed (he got that 'everything to make you happy' mindset)

he saw it more like a challenge than doing something nice for you tho (its the actions that count shhh)

he just went with something simple so it wouldn't get too bad

he lied saying he put no effort into it, that its just something small he whipped up (he counted the amounts of salt grains he needed)

after that day he decided to test his cooking skills more often thanks to your words of praise

Ness x Reader Headcanons

AWW MY DAYS

you dont even need to ask him, he already cooks for you evey single day

and if he's busy that day, he'll make food at ungodly hours and wakes you up to eat

he absolutely LOVES it when you eat his food and then waits patiently for you to say what you think of it

i feel like he gets a burst of excitement when you tell him you love it, this is why he prefers you eat his food instead of anyone elses

he tries finding excuses to make you plenty of food

one time you came home to him celebrating you for being yourself, the person whom he loves<3 (he made a whole feast for you)

he even wants to be the one to bake you your own birthday cake (watch out before its a kaiser themed one)

Isagi x Reader Headcanons

he absolutely adores your cooking so this was quite a bit of a wasted opportunity thing for him

however, he seemed really focused while working on your food

he kept asking you for help and after a while you stopped and he just whined about how unfair that is

bro would ask for 3 hints like this is some kind of quiz

he was very nervous about bringing you your food (he almost wanted to trip on purpose)

the food wasnt that bad but missed a bit of flavour or something to strengthen the taste

ofcourse you didnt tell him that as the good person you are

was happy about you liking his food but wouldn't be open to trying this again

Chigiri x Reader Headcanons

he loved this idea a lot, even wanted to ask you to participate as a competition but eventually decided to go against it

he wants to be able to cook for his partner at all times if needed

he used to chat with his mom a lot while she was busy cooking so he learned a few things from watching her

he took quite some time on presenting the food, made sure it looked very appealing

he would make cute animal faces on it<33

it was so hard for you to take a bite when the food looked so cute, he giggled at this

it tasted great, you didn't get to eat everything because chigiri stole his food back

greedy smh

i want to be one of those justin bieber memes🤕

requests are open!!!

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brandnewhuman · 1 year

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It still hurts

☆starring☆

König aka dominik from now on bc me and @bloodlst said so

Tw: people being fucking trash, fatshaming(?) Like idk but like a very mean comment about weight, depictions of anxiety, panic attacks and overall big sad könig.

Summary: könig may be bullied a lot even now as an adult but at least he has you

A/n: this is so self indulgent and I took the liberty to project my own big fat sadness onto him CAUSE I AM TOO VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT MY APPEARANCE. Not as good as I wanted it to be but at least I've tried. Take the German bits with a grain of salt cause I used the Google translator IM SORRY.

Es ist so entmutigend: it's so discouraging

mein Schatz: my darling

König could see the subtle worried glances you would give him but he couldn't find it in himself to care about it, he just wanted to run away as far as possible and let it all out. He hated to feel like this, he hated even more how people always managed to make him feel so weak and stupid all the time even now that he was an adult. He knew they were just joking, he knew that but it didn't help his uneasy mind to find some of the remarks cruel and hurtful. He always felt stupid for getting offended over such things, so he would crack a self-deprecating joke now and then hoping they would just drop it if they saw he was laughing about it too, he always tried to make himself go as unnoticed and small as possible cause maybe if he didn't exists too much too loudly people won't bother him too much.

But they always end up doing it. If it wasn't about his height it was about what or how much he eaten, if it wasn't about him fumbling too much while speaking it was his accent, if it wasn't him getting scolded for being clumsy it was reminding him about how his stupid anxiety and his stupid appearance didn't allowed him to become what he wanted. There was always something to say or joke about him, and he saw them doing it to other people like ghost or soap. But he wasn't them, he wasn't the ever so stoic and cold Simon who didn't care anymore about anything or the easygoing and always ready to talk back John who didn't let anyone walk over him. He was just..him, at best he was könig the surprisingly efficient and dutiful soldier who always completed the mission no matter what, at worst he was just Dominik, feeling like the chubby kid again hiding in the bathroom at lunch time because they won't stop tormenting him.

While he just let everyone at the table using him as the bottom of the joke you were very much pissed with how your teammates were acting. You have clapped back at them multiple times before they started to use it to reinforce the already infinite jokes about könig, which just led you to silently death glaring everything while biting your tongue back from snapping at their stupid remarks. They couldn't possibly know how much it affected könig comments about his appearance, or if they knew they just didn't care cause as soon as the next sentence came out of their mouth you felt your heart sink to your stomach.

"König you gotta tell your grandma back at home to stop with the sweets, the older you get the harder it is to stay in shape mate" their laugh made you feel sick as they playfully slapped könig shoulder.

He could feel himself pulling on a mask of easiness and replying to a funny and careless reply but his mind was already out of the conversation. His mind was already sending waves of debilitating and painful hurt that spread all over his body making him suddenly too aware of every part of him and, most importantly, everything that was wrong with him. His already weak self-esteem was being drowned by the countless intrusive thoughts and harsh judgments of his own brain. From outside all you could see was him stiff as always, his hands now resting on his lap torturing themselves and his absent gaze looking forward.

At some point he excused himself to get some fresh air and he felt your steps behind him but once again couldn't really think about it now that his mind was going so fast yet so slow. It wasn't hard for you to find him anyways, you just had to follow the sound of his panicked deep breaths coming from not too far from the building.

And there he was indeed, pacing around with his hands tugging at his soft hair. He wasn't crying and anyone who didn't know him wouldn't think he's as upset as he really feels, but you do know him and that's why you can't find the right words. "Sweetheart are you okay? Do you…do you want to talk about it?" You cautiously took a few steps towards him, now your own hands fidgeting too, while looking at him closing his eyes, his face contorted in distress while trying to keep back the tears "I just…I'm fine. I just need a moment, can you- i…I need to be alone please" his accent slipped even more as he tried to keep his voice as steady as possible, failing miserably and rubbing his eyes with frustration. He was quite literally shaking now and the way his jaw clenched looked so painful you had to actually look away "I know you want to be alone but i-" you sighed defeated and just closed the distance, stopping in front of him to prevent him from pacing around any longer and softly taking the hands away from his face. "I just want to help.." your tone was as gentle as possible, mentally thanking the universe for allowing you to say it without your voice trembling from unshed tears.

His hands were still close to his face, balled into fists with his knuckles turning white and his face scrunching in an attempt to keep himself from actually breaking down. His bottom lip quivered ever so slightly as he tried to say something that never actually left his mouth before a single tear fell from down his cheek. He shook his head no as trying to get all those thoughts to go away, to make the tears go away and not feel weak like this. "Hey…hey hey hey it's okay, you can let it out. You hear me? You can let it out Dominik.." hearing you say his name with all that love, to say he was allowed to feel like this broke something inside him. He let go of that painful sob he was holding back with such difficulty and you almost sigh with relief seeing that he was ready to let it go.

He just let his hands fall down to his size while yours find their place on his cheeks, getting caught in the flow of tears spilling out of his big, sad glossy eyes. It wasn't the first time you saw him like this, he always bounced out of it pretty quickly but that didn't stop your heart from shattering at the sight of him looking so defeated and broken. You would never be able to understand how he always manages to get over such a state so quickly.

His forehead gently pressed against yours as he cried a river, your hands slowly guiding him into a hug while you whispered sweet nothings. "I-I'm sorry… I know it's really stupid to get…to get so upset, they were just joking but it's…Es ist so entmutigend" he sobbed in the crook of your neck, his voice raspy from crying as he gave up on trying to speak another word in English. His hands were slowly placed on your back, you could feel his long fingers pushing on your shoulder blades to bring you closer to him. You just kept rubbing his back trying to think about what you could possibly say to make him feel better "it's not stupid love, they were being rude. It's normal to be upset, you know that right? You know there's nothing wrong with you, right?" You moved back a little to look him in the eyes. The sentence, maybe even just your voice being so kind after hours of listening to harsh and offensive sounds made his troubled mind melt slowly. Somehow you always managed to get more in his head than any hurtful joke and he would never understand how you could do that, he just felt the need to believe everything you say. You held so much power over him and you never took advantage of it, maybe that's why it wasn't hard to just take everything you say as the truth.

It took him all the strength in the world to not keep avoiding your gaze and when he finally locked his eyes on you his breath hitched, his own gaze softening as he felt his heart speeding up not from pain but because of you. He never felt quite pretty in any sense, his view of himself was one of resignation to not being able to change what he saw. But every time you looked at him he could swear he felt the prettiest he has ever felt in his whole life, which made him wonder if you did it on purpose, if there was an intention full of love behind that adoring gaze. "I wish you could see yourself like i see you…if you could you would never have to worry about those jokes'' you softly whispered as you brushed back a strand of his soft hair, a sad smile grazing your face as he just looked at you "it will pass mein schatz…it hurts only in the moment" his voice was hoarse but still held that special kindness only reserved for you, and in a moment he had that shy smile again on his lips although a little tainted by the redness in his eyes and the traces of tears on his cheeks. His big hands slowly went up to hold your face, engulfing your cheeks with ease "you know it will always pass…I just need to let it out" he sighed and once again his forehead found its home on yours "I could never believe those things if you're looking at me the way you do my love…" you couldn't help but smile at how cheesy but inherently sweet he could be, always reassuring you even when you weren't the one who needed it. You stole a quick kiss before your courage could falter, just to see that pinkish blush coloured his nose, cheeks and ears as his eyes widened from surprise. You breathed out a laugh at how he still managed to get so flustered with these things as if it was always the first time, and it somewhat always felt like it. It always felt like every time you looked at him you both were simultaneously falling in love all over again, even now as you kissed his palm and moved to hug him again. He just couldn't but smirk to himself and pulled you as close as possible, feeling so much better and making you both slightly swing back and forth while already planning a well deserved nap with you once back inside the base.

#könig #könig cod #könig cod mw2 #könig x reader #codmw2 #cod #cod mw2 #call of duty mw2 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty

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athousandbyeol · 8 months

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discussion #9 (only friends): top's vulnerability and mew's kindness; breaking each other's walls [episode 2 recap]

again, topmew are driving me insane. it's only the second episode but there are so many nuances of pain slowly resurfacing as top and mew begin to meddle. it's heartbreaking, to say the least, how they've/will trigger/ed the best and worst in each other as their relationship progresses.

beforehand, i want to apologise because my thoughts are never coherent, and this post won't clarify anything that's going on between topmew. i find it difficult to pen my ideas down these days because topmew are written with so much precision, care and keenness, i don't think there's much unfolding that needs to be done. but i do want to talk about this one particular scene in episode 2 that broke my heart.

(this will be a short post so hehe)

as always, please take my discussion posts with a grain of salt :)

let's start.

top's vulnerability; an unexpected 'shedding' of top's confident facade

episode 2 is a mixture of many things. i like how we're seeing more of top, not just his confident and prideful nature, but more of his truest self; the core he tries to hide from everyone.

it's interesting how in every moment of top's vulnerability, mew is the person who witnesses it: 1) when top was subtly angry that mew turned down his offer of sex (the ice cream offer), 2) when mew almost caught top and boston in the shower cubicle (?), and 3) when top was about to take his sleeping pills.

as i mentioned in my previous post, top and mew are tempting each other into this 'losing' game just to see who's going to win and who's going to suffer the pain. however, i also see this 'hunter-hunter' relationship as the beginning of top and mew finding/regaining their truest identity. again, as i discussed before, their encounter would bring out the best and worst in them, and i believe meeting mew will change top for the better but meeting top will awaken the worst side of mew.

i think many people out there are more coherent than me when it comes to explaining the dynamic between top and mew, so i'll just make this very simple.

mew's kindness and attentiveness touch top's heart

after that cute (and sensual) cookie scene, top asked if he could sleep over at mew's house. again, i don't see any malice in this. i believe top is genuinely tired and he was just lazy to drive home. but, i also believe it's because top likes the warmth mew gave when they slept on the same bed before. top has tasted that before— so he wanted to have a morsel of it again. top believed they could revive that non-sexual connection tonight— but as mew said this was a reset and nothing like that had ever happened— top couldn't sleep together with mew on the same bed. bummer.

so, top agreed to sleep on the sofa instead. but he couldn't sleep. he was tossing and turning. he was visibly tired, though. so why he couldn't sleep?

he then decided to reach for something in his pocket—

—sleeping pills.

God. the way i gasped when i saw this. top is an insomniac. he can't sleep alone due to his trauma. (i made this assumption before and it broke my heart when it came to life...)

i like how top's comfort was mew's only concern at that point. he knew the sofa was uncomfortable, and he was particularly the one who insisted top to sleep on it. so the guilt mew felt was genuine to me— he felt bad for putting top in that situation.

and it's so amazing how 'loud' top's eyes were.

i see that scared and traumatised kid in those eyes; the fear that stayed with him for God knows how long resurfaced as mew 'caught' him red-handed, wanting to cave into the safety of those pills just to tame his suffocating notions down.

even so, top still tried to assure mew that he was okay. it was just another petty problem of his. it wasn't supposed to be mew's concern.

it was just top not wanting mew to see this weak side of his. because top has always flaunted himself as the confident and 'top of the top' amongst his friends/peers, so how could he break apart in front of mew— the person top was trying to woo? of course, he won't.

but this is why humans are humans, at the end of the day. no matter how hard we try to be everything that we wish to be, there's always going to be something that rips us apart. we aren't bulletproof. it's okay to be vulnerable. it's okay to be weak.

i bet no one has ever said these things to top; thus, the start of his flamboyant/confident persona is his (messed-up) understanding that he can't show his weaknesses in front of anyone, even to himself.

yet, mew approached him with gentleness. even though mew questioned the legitimacy of top's story (which, i did too), still, mew wasn't the one to jump to a conclusion that quickly. i think it's also heartwarming how mew was willing to listen. it's one of the things top didn't know he wanted and needed— someone that was willing to listen to the noises in his head.

side note: i would like to add how different top and boston are despite boston saying they're the same. in episode 2, nick was talking about his passion for animation. he was visibly happy sharing about his interest since boston asked him. i guess, nick perceived this as boston taking an interest on other things about nick that wasn't just about the sex. however, boston wasn't paying attention as he was busy developing the picture he took of nick. the convo ended just like that. this showed nothing mattered to boston; whatever nick likes or dislikes outside of sex doesn't matter to boston.

this is different from top because he did listen to every word mew said (the ice cream convo). so, although yes, top and boston do share some attributes, top is entirely a different person compared to boston. this is why top was so angry when boston said they're the same. top knew too well they aren't.

this act of kindness touched top's heart. i don't think top understood the severity of mew's actions toward him (yet), but this would be one of the reasons why top (will possibly) //sincerely// likes mew in the future.

i honestly have the same response as mew. i legit asked if this is true because really, everything top said in these two episodes, i don't believe him at all. but the glint in top's eyes indicates a different story that was waiting to be read, and who's going to read it well? mew. why? because mew likes to read. he wants to read top. mew wants to know top beyond everything he heard from everyone else. mew wants to understand top through and through (perhaps for his own benefit?).

it's safe to say that top was slightly hurt by mew's words, but it was also something top would've expected. he never told this to anyone/boston since he is top by the way— the best of the best. who would ever believe this confident jock is battling a (petty) fight of his own?

it's a given— this confident facade comes with the price of having no weaknesses— and top knew he couldn't expect much empathy or understanding from mew or anyone. i bet he was a bit confused too; why did i tell mew this? but i guess it has to do with top feeling at ease with mew. he believed mew was giving him options to share at his own pace, never once forcing top to say anything without his will.

mew was doubtful, and i think it's very valid. this also kind of verifies the idea that mew hasn't totally believed in everything top said/did to him, hence the 'reset' agenda mew introduced in their 'relationship'. mew knew all along of top's game, but this was mew confronting top head-on, with sincerity, because top was vulnerable. top was honest for the first time, at least to himself. and what would top get if he lied about his trauma to mew? honestly, i assume, nothing. nothing but mew's trust and love for top— which is everything that top wants from mew in the future.

and mew apologises. that's wonderful. i think that really sparked something in top's heart.

i still have doubts about top and will continue to doubt him until he proves me wrong, but i think he's telling the truth in this scene. why?

this is the first time top outwardly showed his vulnerable side to us; the audience. we've never seen it happen without some kind of obscurity; it's always from mew's perspective that we see the walls top built slowly starting to crack. but at this moment, it's just top, mew and us. he has nowhere to hide, and no one is judging him. mew isn't judging him. and we aren't too. who would judge anyone who's just sharing their problems? i don't think it's fair to do so.

additionally, i think it's another smart directing. p'jojo and p'ninew introduced this scene to us early on so that we know why top ended up doing whatever he will do in the future— it provides an exhibition(s) once topmew's relationship is put into 'trial'. at least, we know that top isn't entirely bad; he's just someone who resorted to sex because he can't sleep. however, that doesn't justify infidelity/dishonesty in any form of relationship.

and it's also interesting how we know mew (and the other characters) are being interviewed in the blue room, which means they (and us, the person behind the camera) are involved in their story too. this is why i said we're more so included in their journey in this series. also, the characters will turn to us to seek validation/answers/confirmation on what they should/will do in the future. i think that's why this scene feels sincere and heart-wrenching because we are present at the moment— we are there to witness top showing a part of himself that he despises; his sleeping problems, not only to mew but the audience.

i like this scene a lot because we get to see mew being the way we all perceive him to be initially; kind, understanding and helpful. these are the traits that bound ray around mew still, and this also will be the reason for top's deep infatuation for mew in the future.

furthermore, when mew offered to sleep next to top, i really see that as an act of kindness. this moment brought out the best side of mew, the gentle and attentive side of him that everyone loves him for (ray especially). so it was a liberating moment for top to have a taste of mew again— not sexually— but this intimacy that transcends the 'comfort' sex can give to top.

at this point, what i can deduce is sex has always been top's 'sleeping pill'. he can spend the whole night fucking someone so that he won't have to close his eyes and surrender to the trauma of 'dying alone'. i guess a part of top is just afraid of being lonely— of not being wanted. that's why he created this confident persona. it's the only way to make people 'desire' him. it's the only way to be valid and wanted by anyone.

but hugging mew— having someone on the bed and not doing anything but cuddling— provides top with the warmth and security he has always wanted and needed. as i said, this will be the main reason why top will hold onto mew— why he likes mew so much— why he's the one crying as mew confronted him of his past 'sins'.

but still, it breaks my heart how top insists that he's fine and he doesn't want mew to worry about him (or see/belittle his flaws to his face). it would hurt top's pride if mew did that. but we all know mew wouldn't. if a person is kind to him— if they respect mew, mew will respect them too.

in fact, mew offered a helping hand—

—in which top quickly agreed.

it's so... sad. it's sad how mew is the one who wanted to know top better; mew is the one who wanted to help top to sleep better; mew is the one who brings out the best in top.

but it's also sad how this won't be easy for top because boston is still around; his sexual needs aren't yet fulfilled; his ego is constantly challenged by mew and boston; top resorting to boston as boston has always been the easiest 'way out' to make top feel in control again. top is so afraid of losing control of himself and his surroundings that he knows— fucking and having boston in his life will always provide him with a sense of power and stability.

and that's just heart-shattering to me.

side note: i guess, when top and boston have sex in the car next week, it might be because of top's frustration. he feels like a loser because mew is constantly toppling his ego and top just can't take that from mew. he feels so powerless and challenged by mew's firmness. why? because mew is his weakness. and top is slowly realising whatever mew said to him during the laser tag game was true. perhaps, top was in a state of denial; he was trying to discredit his feelings for mew, not wanting to believe it is not more than ' i think i like you' but merely 'i just want to fuck you'. this will fuck top up so badly and thus— boston is there at his service. boston will say that he's right all along and mew isn't interested in top and he's already losing in this game. so top takes boston in because, with boston, he'll always win. //this breaks my heart...

damn. i'm just... shattered... at this point. this checklist thing is driving me to the edge. goodness. mew. top. you guys are killing me.

how topmew's relationship will play out; a prediction

i would like to share my assumption on how the first half of topmew's relationship will unfold (episodes 3 to 6).

in episode 3, i think it'll be the start of mew discovering top and boston's secret relationship (the car sex will be crucial evidence in the future).

since p'book said episode 4 will be spicy, i have a feeling their first time will be in episodes 4/5 as mew might 'change' his strategy now by allowing top to have 'his way' with mew.

then, episode 5 will be topmew's 'honeymoon' phase when they're finally coming to terms with their feelings. the shower scene we see in the trailer might be in episodes 4-5 too since top said, "before, when i had sex with someone else, my only concern was if i orgasmed. but with mew, i want to make you as happy as possible." i guess this line is spoken before they have sex (to make mew believe that mew is always going to be top's priority). but it can also be after they had sex too.

i read a tweet that said forcebook love episode 6 the most. p'force said it is the climax so i'm guessing it's when the confrontation scene will take place. mew might've saw something relating to topboston's relationship (the photobooth picture that nick has? i think nick might show it to mew just because nick wants boston to stop meeting top), so he lashes out at top right there and then, perhaps no longer believing in anything top tries to justify.

and i think after episode 6 ends, it'll be the start of the intense drama, not only between topmew but other pairs as well. also, this marks the beginning of mew's transformation.

but again, these are just assumptions that i made. hehe

conclusion

it's fascinating to see how top sheds the confident side of him— the most important aspect of his personality— to mew, the person top wanted to win over. i like this vulnerability top showed to mew. it kind of solidifies the idea that top will cave into mew more and more in the future, and that dependency will turn into deep love— i want to believe top will love mew so much that he can't live without mew anymore. cue those heartbreaks because i'm so excited to see top breaking apart.

i honestly think i can no longer write a coherent and good topmew discussion post because they're just confusing and baffling me in every episode. however, if i ever want to highlight some important parts i see in an episode, i will try my best to pen them down. i apologise for this thought vomit :(

[1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (i) | 4 (ii) | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12]

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scarybabe · 8 months

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I was reading your most recent ask discussing the toxicity of some members towards people who started skinny but chose to get fat.

I find it interesting that a community that claims acceptance of all body types becomes toxic when one chooses to change that body type. I definitely think that fatphobia is a large part of the equation there, and this could easily be tested by seeing if people who have been thin their whole lives react as negatively to someone who consciously chose to loose weight. At the same time, I've seen (anectodally, so take with a grain of salt) toxicity from the FA community whenever one of their favorite models decides to lose weight of their own volition. Do you have any idea why that might be? I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

I think that people only like change when that change corresponds with their personal tastes, and disapprove when the change is making us less attractive to them.

When I was petite & known for my inflations and stuffings, I definitely caught heat from a big share of my content consumers because changing my appearance so much diminished my ability to give the crazy before and afters i made myself known for. And at some point in the future whenever I lose weight after hitting my 300+ lb goal, I know people will be upset because they either wanted to see me even bigger or expected me to stay the same size forever.

My point is that people’s tastes and preferences are all over the place and unless you stay exactly the same forever, you’ll always disappoint somebody.

People often forget with weight gain models especially that there is a human connected to all the sexy body fat that y’all adore. You should always put the well-being of the human first, and if someone wants to gain/lose weight for their own happiness or well being you shouldn’t interrogate them or shame them for doing what they need to feel good in their skin.

I also think honesty and transparency is huge - I’ve been very open about my weight gain being a semi temporary thing from the BEGINNING and everyone knows they’ll be getting pregnancy content from me someday in the semi near future❣️ and as great as I usually feel at my current size, not being genetically predisposed to carrying this amount of weight has given me some lower back pains from gaining so fast - basically I know I will have a better experience being pregnant if I’m strong and fit (I’ll remain fat don’t worry, just not quite as fat). I basically plan on lifting weights and eating intuitively until my body finds the size it’s happiest at and I don’t care what the number is as long as I feel capable and strong ❤️ it could mean even just losing like 30 lbs lmao - I’m not concerned with being petite ever again, just losing the back pain and gaining muscle.

All that to say that setting expectations also affects people’s reaction to someone changing their size as well - knowing and expecting it will still make some people upset sure, but at least it won’t be because they feel “lead on”. And to go even further - just because I like to share a lot about my planned body transformation trajectory doesn’t mean that a content creator is required to disclose their personal health status & plans outside of what they choose to share and nobody is entitled to that. By sharing as much as I do, I don’t want to set a precedent for expecting THAT MUCH from everyone - just be thankful to have creators who do let you in on our personal lives and for those of us that don’t, respect their boundaries.

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moonlight-divination · 7 months

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✨🌙 Free Intuitive Readings Open here!! 🌙✨

Hi guys:) I’m back:)

None of you probably remember me lmao but I used to do intuitive readings on here a few years ago now I guess and now maybe its the influence of this Cancer Moon but I’m feeling very drawn to do some intuitive readings again.

I’m feeling people’s energies pretty intensely & easily these days and can tap into energies pretty well.

I used to do these to practice my intuition and improve it but I really feel I’m in a place where I can hear and trust my intuition well and easily now. And I’ve came back here because idk where else to really do these for now lol so if u guys have any suggestions on where I can do these intuitive reading’s please dm me or inbox me and let me know.

But yes I’m doing intuitive readings again and my inbox is open for your questions of all kinds.

My rules are generally no health or pregnancy or death questions (obvious ethical reasons). I am not a psychic medium I cannot channel spirit but I am highly empathetic and intuitive & can tap into your energy and feel it to answer any questions you may have about your situation when it comes to general, love, friendship, financial, spiritual, career or anything else. I’m very visual so I will see what my intuition is saying sometimes.

I am mostly claircognizant (clear knowing), clairvoyant (clear seeing), clairempathy (clear feeling), clairaudient (clear hearing) and clairsalience (clear smell) in that order.

So I will usually feel your energy first then I might see some visions in my mind regarding you and your situation and can map out an answer from there. I feel you’re energy deeply so I may feel your pain and emotions too.

Reading rules

I just ask that you ask and send your questions into my inbox this format please:

• send all questions to my inbox

• anonymous questions are welcome. Just add your initials please

• your initials in your question please (it helps me focus on your energy)

• 3 free questions per day

• no health/pregnancy/death/spirit/celebrity or idol related questions please

• no spamming

• no future spouse readings

• feedback is not necessary but is greatly greatly appreciated. Feedback helps me understand and improve my intuition

• respect my space and time

Type of questions you can ask:

• yes or no questions

• how does X feel about me?

• test questions (test my intuition first if you like, ask what your pet’s name or initial is or something)

• should I pursue something?

• how do I feel about X?

• will I receive X by X amount of time?

• general questions regarding general, love, friendship, financial, spiritual, career

• what’s my energy/vibe like?

• what’s X’s energy like?

• I hear messages through songs ALOT so questions like: what song do you hear when you tap into my energy? What song represents our connection?

DISCLAIMER:

- Please take these readings with a grain of salt. I do these using my intuition, gut feeling & interpreting your energy. I feel out your energy whilst reading your question & discuss what the energies are like regarding your topic & what messages i may hear or see. Therefore my interpretation of the energies is subjective to your own.

- I do not claim to be 100% accurate or completely right. I just get a feel of the energy & I may not always be right. I understand sometimes I may misinterpret energy or get thing’s completely wrong and that’s okay but I try to separate my thoughts completely when tapping into readings & energies to avoid this as well as cleansing my energy regularly.

- Everything I say is based on the current energies of whatever situation. Think of energies as being in different restaurants or social settings; there’s a different vibe in each bar, restaurant or social setting & the people add to the energies within that setting. This is what I mean by “energy”. Therefore, I am extra sensitive & empathic to these energies & can feel the emotions of the environment/people/situations a whole lot easier.

Tips are also welcome if you feel inclined, it is much appreciated. 😊✨🤍

If you have any questions dm me but thank you so much! :)

(FAQS are in #faqs search tag in my profile)

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kanotototori · 2 months

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The Knave MV: X by Nano, directed by Enki-Z - English translation

youtube

About two months ago, HoyoFair came in clutch with this excellent Arlecchino fan song from Nano and it looks like no one has translated it yet so I felt compelled to do so, lol. It's an awesome song so please go forth and enjoy it with the added context 🙏

Edit: Apparently there's EN subs on the video itself so here's another take on the lyrics, I guess ;pp

Description:

What does “X” mean, I wonder? Does it mean “complete destruction”? Or does it represent “protecting something to the end”? When the “X” that burns inside of her eyes changes, Is it for the sake of lighting the fire of the hearth? For the sake of burning her enemies? Or, perhaps something else… In a world where “right and wrong” isn’t clearly defined, She is inclined to follow only her own voice. In that case, if you look even deeper, “X” can only mean one thing… Secrets.

冷酷で黒ずんだ人と違う腕が強張るこの身体に取り憑いて Blackened by cruelty, These arms that are different from a human’s— My body stiffens, As if possessed.

帰る場所はどこなの？息が詰まりそう思い出の鐘の音沈んでく Where is the place that I can return to? My breath seems to stop. With the memory of ringing bells, I sink into the deep.

傷だらけの（闇より怖くて）小さな身体（震えが響いて）無垢な瞳慄いて蹌踉めいて These small bodies (Their trembling that echoes) That are covered in wounds (Is scarier than even the despair) These innocent eyes They quiver in fear And stumble.

殺すために（人群れの中で）生きるならば（ほんの一瞬だけ）守るために反逆の声あげよう If I live (Amongst the crowd of people) For the sake of killing (If even only for a moment) Then for the sake of protecting others I will raise the voice of rebellion.

痛む傷口よ燃える火に変われ They’re painful— These wounds. This flame that burns Will change

逃げることも（欺くことなく）戦うのも*（野心を晒け出す）意味ないから手のひらで足掻くがいい There is no use (Without deception) In fighting nor running away (Laying my ambitions bare) With my own hands, I will make you pay.

ハースをつける**（身を暖めて）敵を燃やす（刑を施して）炎一つでその真実どんな形？ Light the flame of the hearth (To warm your body) And burn your enemies (To carry out punishment) With this one flame That “reality” — What shape is it? Oh X 燃やせ Burn

* appears as 戦うことも in the MV ** appears as ハースを灯す in the MV In both of these cases, the meaning is the same, just worded in a slightly different way.

Notes: There are definitely a few places where I really struggled to articulate the meaning or just wasn't sure that I was on the right track, particularly:

手のひらで/足掻くがいい lit. "with the palm of my hand, struggling/flailing is good" - can't be translated directly so it's a little tricky but it gave me the impression of Arlecchino bringing retribution to her enemies that's mentioned a few lines later, so I went with "with my own hands, I will make you pay."

欺くことなく/野心を晒け出す lit. "deception is not there, exposing ambitions/treachery" - 晒け出す has the connotations of not just exposing something but revealing something without concealment, to show everything as it is, to reveal one's true feelings. It gave me the impression of Arlecchino being contrasted with the previous Knave in the sense that, unlike her, she does not deceive the children of the HotH, but is being upfront about her goals - so I went with "Without deception/laying my ambitions bare." I feel like it's still kind of vague, lol.

Other tidbit: The description used the "proper" word for hearth/fireplace 暖炉 (danro) ("Is it for the sake of lighting the fire of the hearth?") but the last verse specifically references the House of the Hearth (ハースをつける**/"Light the flame of the hearth"), as it uses the phonetic reading of hearth ハース (haasu) from the JP localization (壁炉の家, read ハウス・オブ・ハース hausu obu haasu). So I guess if we're being super specific, it's "lighting the fire of the House of the Hearth", possibly playing off what Freminet says in this demo ("as long as the light of the hearth still shines, I'll always have a home to return to").

I am still learning Japanese as of writing this so take the translation with a grain of salt, but to the fullest extent of my knowledge, it's as accurate as I can make it. If you are more 日本語上手 than me, feel free to correct this ;PP

#yayayayay baby's first translation mini project is here LOL #genshin impact #arlecchino

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yermes · 4 months

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PAC: 🎄

How will you return to the light?

Even though Yuel started the 21st and goes to the first I am doing a Yuel reading today. Starting on the winter solstice the longest night of the year Yuel represents the return to light after the dark.

Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

Socials: TipJar | Insta

Pick a meme

The cards

Pile 1

House + Ring 💍 🏡

To return to light is to return home. But what even is home? Is home something you are given or something you forge yourself through social and romantic contracts and a safe space protected with the energy of yourself and loved ones? Protect that home

Pile 2

Key + Bear 🐻 🔑

You will come to the understanding that you are stronger than you think. You have the strength to protect yourself and others. You are stronger than the darkness and you will overcome it again and again.

Pile 3

Scythe + Women 🪐 👠

To emerge from the darkness is to cut the ties that bind you to it. You may lose some important people in your life. But the thing about life is you will always find more. Be brave, this will most certainly cause you pain.

Extras: 😔

Story/vent:

saturnalia would not want this for me

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gay-dorito-dust · 11 months

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Could you do Miguel x GN!reader comfort where they get off the phone with their very transphobic parents and Miguel just cuddles them and says things like "you aren't your deadname" and stuff like that? Sorry if this was confusing or if this makes you uncomfortable I just need some comfort stuff right now.

Don’t worry, I’ve got you sweetheart. I hope this is enough to bring you and anyone else going through anything similar at least some comfort.

Tw: unsupportive and transphobic parents

You didn’t know what you were expecting when your parents decided to call you - and out of the blue no less- but once they had finished saying their piece, leaving you with no real room to fight back as they were quick to hang up, having felt as though they’ve done their due diligence in using you as their personal punching bag like they’ve always done to relive themselves of whatever daily stresses they withheld. All you wanted to do thereafter was lay down on your bed and cry your heart out into the void, demanding to know what you had done to possibly earn this treatment, to become an ire to the very people who claimed that they would love you no matter what because that’s what family did.

But you guess their love was only and truly unconditional when you; don’t question their rules, don’t talk unless spoken to, don’t require them to make an effort in actually raising you because you do that yourself, wholeheartedly believe their manipulation tactics, gaslighting and crocodile tears, forcing yourself to upkeep the image that they had of their ideal child despite how wrong it felt to the point you want to claw your own skin off. It physically pained you when you reminded yourself that your parents will never love you -or have never truly loved you- because you were finally living the life you were meant to lead, and it all boiled down to them disagreeing with your truth and how they would tell you time and time again that it was wrong and not natural, even going so far as to say that you were straying away from the beliefs that they’ve implemented onto you, calling you not natural or right in the head because of how you felt about the body that you were in.

So as you laid unmoving, cheeks having become dried with the tears you’ve shed, you didn’t notice that Miguel had crawled in beside you, until you felt his strong arms slowly pull your into him as your cheek hit his muscular chest where his scent invaded your senses. ‘They called again didn’t they?’ He asked and from the way you tried to compact yourself tightly against him by tucking your head further into his chest so he didn’t see the fresh wave of tears, your arms stretching across his waist in means of bracing yourself from all the thoughts that resurfaced to the forefront of your mind upon his implication as you gradually tightened your hold.

You didn’t respond but Miguel didn’t need you to as the way you cling onto him told him all that he needed to known. It pained him greatly to see you like this and despite how badly he wanted to confront them on your behalf, he knew that you needed him more then ever. ‘You’re aren’t your deadname,’ Miguel began as he held you tighter against himself, his hand handing begun to rub your back comfortingly as his other hand soothingly stroked the back of your of your neck, ‘you’re more then that y/n and you always will be. You want to know why?’ Miguel felt you shrug in responses, ‘it’s because you’ve exempted more bravery then anyone I’ve ever met in my whole life, you’re brave in being who you are and on-top of that you take pride in who you are and I think that’s admirable.’ He stopped when he felt tears soaking into his shirt, forming a wet patch but continued on, knowing that you needed an shoulder to cry on and Miguel was happy enough to provide that.

‘You shouldn’t take their words as anything more then a grain of salt because they don’t get the privilege that I get of seeing the amazing person I see before me and if they can’t see that nor are willing to change their views by educating themselves then that’s on them. You aren’t responsible for them or their narrow minded views because- and I want you to look at me when I say this sweetheart,’ you begrudgingly removed your head so that you were looking into Miguel’s eyes that softened upon looking at you, he quickly removed the hand from your back in order to hold your head steady by your chin as his thumb wiped away as many tears as he could, ‘you shouldn’t have to make sacrifices to who you are in order to make someone else feel comfortable in your presence,’ he tells you, his thumb still softly stroking your cheek as he looked at you admiringly, ‘especially not to those who wouldn’t think of returning the same amount of respect that you give them.’

‘But what if they’re right?’ You asked, your mind still transfixed on every vile word that they said down the phone without a secondary thought in regards of how you felt throughout it all, even when they reminded you that society would never accept you for who you were; It was an unfortunate factor that you believed will never change if people like your parents were still alive to spew hateful rhetoric. ‘We both know that’s bullshit.’ Miguel stated as he pressed his forehead against yours, looking deeper into your eyes as though he were soul searching. ‘Don’t let them get this win over you y/n, don’t crumble beneath their words, don’t give them that type of power over you and due to the fact that you’re stronger then to believe their bullshit and instead making the active choice to rise above it. Just remember that I’m always going to be right here, ready to catch you wherever and whenever, because i want you to always know that you’re never alone. okay.’

You hummed, not trusting your voice as you gripped onto him tighter as to reassure yourself that he was very much real and not some figment of your imagination. ‘Use me however you like, whether it be a shoulder to cry on, someone to remind you that you are valid and you are loved and how you shouldn’t feel like an imposter in your own skin. You should always feel like you belong in your own skin and shouldn’t settle for less because you deserve everything and so much more that life has to give, you understand?’

‘I understand.’ You told him softly. ‘Thank you Miguel.’

‘For what my beloved?’ He asked, genuinely curious.

‘For teaching me that I shouldn’t have to put myself in states of constant discomfort just because people tell me to, for teaching me that I shouldn’t be afraid to take up space and freely express myself however I want because I’ve only got one life to live and it’s better to live it as my truest self and being unapologetic for it.’ You tell him, all the while he smiled at you with pride, ‘I don’t owe anyone an explanation for why I should be aloud to exit like everybody else and mostly you taught me how I should feel powerful in being able to confidently say this is who i am and I that is not going to change. You taught me that when push comes to shove, I’ll stand my ground, dig my heels if I need too and look whoever dead in the eye and tell them I ain’t going anywhere.’

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unmotivated-student · 5 months

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Hey, take what I say with a grain of salt

It's not an analysis, it's more like my point of view, you may not agree with everything and that's perfectly fine :D ♡ [feel free to give your opinion in this post].

qRoier has been through so much [pain, loss, betrayal] and the emotional scars continue to accumulate.

He lost his son [Bobby died in his care], he lost Tilin and Juanaflipa too, also during purgatory he had to do horrible things like kill and hurt people who were important to him, all this in the hope of being able to save the eggs or at least some of them.

But in the end, he lost everyone who had cared about him [qFoolish, qJaiden, qCellbit... to mention a few but qCellbit being one of the "losses" that have the most weight in the current state of qRoier] and they could only save a single egg, it couldn't even have been one chosen by the winning team, it was a random choice by a roulette wheel making the whole purgatory thing feel even more pointless.

He left purgatory feeling alone and also with the feeling of having been used just for entertainment by the eye guy.

qRoier lost everything without gaining anything and that's the worst...

No, scratch that, one of the worst things for him may be that with the return of the eggs he's not even sure if he really lost these people, he doesn't know if they are alive, he doesn't know if they are well or if they are dying in some hole and seeing eggs in a coma is [maybe] a reminder of that possibility.

So it's no surprise to me that he tries to convince himself that those in the hospital are fake eggs or something like that.

It is easier to try to accept that they are no longer with him and that there is nothing that can be done than to think day and night how much they are probably suffering and that HE cannot do anything for them, it is easier than hoping they'll return only to have that hope mercilessly taken away from him.

Now, why do I think the possible loss of qCellbit has relevance to the current state of qRoier?

When they got married it was like making a pact to be there for each other through thick and thin [which Roier was willing to do] and they always trusted each other. Just before purgatory qCellbit confessed to qRoier that he had been killing the federation workers and asked him if he was willing to help him and accompany him down that dark path [obviously qRoier accepted], they went through a lot together during the purgatory [they even they decided to blow up together when the meteor didn't crush them] so I think qRoier was confident that if they didn't leave purgatory together, they would both die in it TOGETHER.

But that didn't happen, instead qRoier managed to get on the boat in the hope of finding qCellbit there and a few seconds before the whole egg island went to hell he only received one last goodbye and one last "i love you".

qCellbit decided to stay on Egg Island with Richarlyson but wanted his husband to be well.

He wanted him to be well and to live, to be safe back on Quesadilla Island, it was probably fine for qCellbit to leave like that, after all he no longer had many things tying him to Quesadilla Island and surely qCellbit didn't want qRoier to get hurt because of his own selfish decision.

Buuut, for qRoier that was the most selfish decision qCellbit could have made, it was like he had left him out of his plans, it's no wonder he feels abandoned, qCellbit He broke that pact they had and broke qRoier's trust [in a certain way] by not telling him that he didn't really want to go back to Quesadilla knowing that qRoier was willing to follow him wherever he went, knowing that qRoier was willing to stay with him, together.

And then there's Pepito... Oh Pepito.

I think qRoier has mixed feelings about Pepito, on the one hand he doesn't trust the federation at all [or anyone in general, but mainly the federation after everything they've done and what they did to him and Jaiden when Bobby died, not to mention that Roier probably believes that the federation was also responsible for purgatory [I'm not sure either if the eye guy is from the federation or not xd]] reason why I think it is understandable that he does not accept Pepito in the first instance, another thing that is not in Pepito's favor are qRoier's emotional scars [We already know, Bobby died and he doesn't want to replace him, he just lost a lot in purgatory [a very recent scar], his possible fear of forming bonds with other people or eggs, the fact that Richarlyson and Leo are in a coma and there is nothing he can do..] Pepito's arrival simply couldn't have been at a worse time.

I also feel that a part of qRoier knows that Pepito is not to blame for anything [or at least that's what part of him wants to believe] and deep down he cares about Pepito. Maybe seeing Pepito so happy and innocent, makes him think it's best to treat Pepito so roughly, not only to avoid getting too attached to Pepito [due to trauma, because it would be painful if Pepito died and also because the federation gave Pepito to him out of nowhere without prior notice] but also because he knows how much that island [and the federation] can break you and how much it can take from you, it is better to take away that innocence little by little himself than for the island to do it all at once, right?. [All those times qRoier has said that Pepito reminds him of him, makes me believe that qRoier sees in Pepito reflected the same innocence that he had in his first days on the island, excited to make friends and meet new people but what did all of that lead him to? To loneliness and pain, a lot of pain in fact].

He could very well walk away from Pepito completely but instead he keeps him [kind of] close because he knows that HE is the only thing Pepito has and maybe the closest thing to a family Pepito can ever have on that island.

At this point I think qRoier is afraid of loneliness, but he is even more afraid of being abandoned. He is isolating himself from everyone on the island, limiting his relationships so he doesn't have to have to go through that feeling of abandonment again.

Or rather, Quesadilla Island has taught him how dangerous and painful trust and the bonds one form with others can be.

And he doesn't want to feel any more pain so he is being even more careful about those things.

And today's stream highlights qRoier's trust issues for me.

They are a lot of thoughts thrown together in one post. I hope it makes sense ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ.

#qsmp roier #qsmp rambles #qsmp

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