#and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunkissed-zegras · 7 months

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✮ 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡, jack hughes

♡ ─ word count | 10.7k (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. UM?? MB?? got a bit carried away with this one sorry y'all)

♡ ─ summary | y/n had always been in love with jack since she was a kid, but he had always chosen everyone else but her.

♡ ─ warnings | kind of mark estapa x reader as well but guess who she chooses in the end??? unedited (i'll edit in the morning y'all i just wanna get this out ASAP) SOOO MUCH ANGST OML, childhood best friends trope, unrequited love (for the most part), description of sex (like two sentences u could blink and it's gone), lots of cursing, fighting (sm of it), asshole!jack, idk they may be more but i'm lazy (promise they're not bad if i'm not mentioning them rn)

♡ ─ taglist | @valluvsu (check link in navigation for taglist form if you are interested!)

♡ ─ ev's notes | WHOOOHOOO! it's finally done yayyaa, i got this done in like two days bc i was so excited. jack hughes is very much gold rush coded, pls argue with the wall if you disagree. but anyway! this is a long one, so strap in!!! so much feelings in one fic lol i'm done, but i'm actually very proud of myself. as always, i'm open to respectful critics as i love to improve my writing for you all!! anyways, pls enjoy this fucking novel LMAOO, and let me know your thoughts!!!

Jack Hughes had always been the most beautiful person you'd ever seen.

Not just physically, he'd always been one of the sweetest people you'd ever met. He genuinely cared about how you were feeling and listened attentively when you spoke. His kindness and compassion were qualities that drew you to him from the very beginning.

But it wasn't just his sweet personality that captivated you; it was the way he looked at you with those mesmerizing eyes, filled with warmth and kindness. Whenever he gazed into your eyes, it felt like he was seeing straight into your soul, understanding you in a way that no one else ever had. But never in the way that you wanted.

Every time he smiled, it lit up the room any room he was in, and your heart simultaneously. His laughter was infectious, and being around him brought a sense of joy and happiness that was unparalleled.

He'd always been the special one in the room, with his skills on the ice or his undeniable beauty. It wasn't Jack's fault that he had such an effect on people; it was simply a consequence of his charm and charisma. What sometimes made you feel inadequate was the way other girls looked at him, with admiration and longing in their eyes.

Every time you saw him with those adoring eyes gazing at another girl, it was like a dagger to your heart. What hurt most though, was the way he looked back at them. His gaze held a attraction and desire that you craved, but it was a warmth he reserved for them, not ever for you.

You couldn't fault him for it; he couldn't control where his heart led him. You watched him from a distance, silently cheering him on in his pursuits of happiness, even when it meant seeing him with someone else.

Yet, despite the pain it caused you, you couldn't help but be there for him when he needed it. Whenever he faced heartbreak or disappointment, you were the one he turned to for comfort and understanding. It was bittersweet, being the person he leaned on while secretly thinking how you could never ever hurt him the way those other girls did. Your heart ached every time he told you about his the girls, and you would listen attentively, offering advice and consolation. You wanted to be the one to mend his broken heart, to make him see that you were right there, loving him in a way no one else ever could. But you kept those feelings locked away, hidden beneath the guise of friendship.

And you knew he loved you, he truly did. He would just never love you the way you'd always wanted. You felt selfish for wanting more. He was already yours in some regard, others would dream of being that close to the Jack Hughes. You were already an important part of his life, someone he trusted and cared about. Being close to Jack Hughes in any capacity was a dream come true for most, and you felt incredibly fortunate to have him as a friend.

But deep down, you couldn't help the longing that tugged at your heartstrings. You couldn't help the desire for something more, something that went beyond friendship. It was a complex mix of emotions, and you grappled with the guilt of wanting something that might change the dynamic between you two.

It was hard seeing him repeating those mistakes over and over again, and him running back to you wishing he had someone to love him fully and truly, for who he was. You often found yourself on the verge of screaming, wanting to shout, "What about me? Don't you see what's right in front of you?!" But you remained silent, as you always did, playing the role of the understanding friend who listened without judgment.

And each time he came to you with a broken heart, you wished he could recognize the depth of your love, the unwavering support you offered, and the fact that you were right there, ready to love him fully and unconditionally. But it seemed that he was blind to your feelings, or perhaps he was simply too caught up in his own search for love to notice what was right in front of him.

It seemed everyone else saw how much you loved him, Quinn giving you sympathetic smiles and Luke giving you advice. They saw the way you looked at Jack when he wasn't watching, the way your eyes held a mixture of adoration and hurt. They noticed how you were always there for him, ready to offer a comforting word or a reassuring hug when he needed it the most. It wasn't just your words or actions that revealed your love; it was the unwavering presence you provided in his life.

And so, you continued to sit still and listen, even when every fiber of your being screamed for him to see you, to love you, and to choose you. Your love for him remained a silent, unspoken truth, buried deep within your heart as you watched him repeat his relationship mistakes, hoping that one day, he would finally realize the love that had always been right beside him.

He was always grateful for your presence and care until he wasn't. Until he started taking you for granted, choosing his shiny new friends over you.

The pain of unrequited love was compounded by the feeling of being cast aside, as if your friendship and support no longer held the same value they once did. You couldn't help but wonder if he had forgotten all the times you had been there for him, the countless moments you had shared.

It was a painful realization that the person you loved so deeply was no longer the same person who had once cherished you. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to walk away, holding onto the hope that one day he would remember the bond you had shared and the love that had always been there, waiting for him to see.

──

"Where have you been?!" Ellen, Jack's mom, exclaimed as you walked into the Hughes' lake house. She immediately walked over to you, embracing you tightly.

Over the past couple months, you had declined numerous invitations to Hughes family events over the past couple of months. You had told them that school was taking up most of your time, which was partly true. In reality, you just didn't want to see Jack.

"Just busy with school," you replied, returning her embrace warmly. Ellen Hughes had always been like a second mother to you, and her genuine concern warmed your heart.

Ellen held you at arm's length, her kind eyes studying your face. "You know, you don't have to disappear just because of school, sweetheart. You're always welcome here, no matter what."

Her words tugged at your heartstrings. You knew the Hughes family cared about you deeply, and it pained you to distance yourself from them as well. "I appreciate that, Ellen. It's just been a hectic semester, but I promise I'll make more time for you guys."

The bond between you and the Hughes family ran deep. You had known Jack and his brothers since childhood, and your connection had only grown stronger over the years. You were there for them through thick and thin, and they, in turn, had become an integral part of your life. You'd been close with the family since you were young, you'd been there for the brothers since day one.

From building sandcastles at the beach during summer vacations to sharing secrets by the campfire during family camping trips, your memories with the Hughes brothers were countless. Ellen and Jim Hughes had always treated you like one of their own, and you felt a sense of belonging that was unmatched anywhere else.

As the years passed and feelings grew more complex, you found yourself at a crossroads. You had always been there for Jack, offering your support and friendship without reservation. However, as your feelings for him had deepened, it had become increasingly challenging to hide your true feelings. You couldn't risk damaging the close-knit relationship you had with the Hughes family, especially when you knew Jack didn't share the same romantic feelings.

So, you made the difficult decision to take a step back, to create some distance in the hope that you could regain control over your heart. It wasn't an easy choice, and it meant missing out on moments with the family that had become a second home to you.

Ellen smiled, her eyes twinkling with understanding. "We've missed you, sweetheart. And I know someone else who's been missing you too."

Your heart skipped a beat at her words, and you couldn't help but wonder if Jack had noticed your absence more than you had expected.

"Luke! Sweetheart, look who's decided to show up!''

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. Of course it wasn't Jack.

Your heart sank as Luke, Jack's younger brother, bounded into the room with excitement. You were confused, you loved Luke equally as Jack (you tried to convince yourself), but Luke wasn't exactly the most enthusiastic person when it came to you. Now, you knew something was up.

"Hey, you," Luke said with a warm smile, giving you a bear hug that nearly squeezed the air out of your lungs.

"Hey, Lukey," you replied, returning his hug with a raised eyebrow. Luke's behavior was unusual, and you couldn't help but wonder if something was going on.

As Luke pulled away, he scrutinized your expression. "You've been MIA for a while. School must really have you swamped."

You nodded, not trusting your voice to betray the mix of emotions you were feeling. Luke was perceptive, and you wondered if he had picked up on your recent distance.

Thankfully, Ellen chimed in, rescuing you from the awkward moment. "Well, we're just glad she's here now! Dinner will be ready soon, so you two catch up while I finish up in the kitchen."

With that, Ellen left you and Luke alone, and you couldn't shake the feeling that Luke's sudden warmth and attention meant that something was amiss in the Hughes household.

"What's up?" You cleared your throat, looking at Luke with a knowing expression.

"Well we all know why you've been really gone," Luke sighed as he glared at you. "You don't have to cut us all of just because Jack got a girlfriend."

"Jack got a girlfriend?" That felt like a dagger to the stomach. Luke's expression, once irritated, softened into one of sympathy as he nodded slowly.

"He didn't... tell you?"

You shook your head, struggling to find your voice. A whirlwind of emotions swirled within you – hurt, confusion, and the sting of betrayal. Jack hadn't confided in you about something as significant as this, and it hurt more than you cared to admit.

"Who is she?" you finally managed to ask, your voice a mere whisper.

Luke hesitated, as if debating how much to reveal. "Her name's Nicole," he began cautiously. "They've been dating for a few months now. It's been pretty serious, which is probably why he didn't want to... you know, complicate things."

You listened to Luke's explanation about Jack and Nicole while a storm of emotions raged within you. The pain of knowing Jack was in a serious relationship was difficult to bear, and the fact that he hadn't told you himself only added to your hurt. You felt like an outsider in his life, someone he had pushed aside.

But then, Luke's words took an unexpected turn, and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But that doesn't matter now, you have to move on and I have the perfect guy for you," he said, his tone surprisingly enthusiastic.

Oh, now everything made sense. It was clear that Luke had an ulterior motive, and you couldn't help but feel a little exasperated. "Luke, I appreciate your concern, but I don't think I'm ready for that kind of thing right now," you replied, trying to be polite even though you didn't appreciate the idea of being set up with one of his friends.

They were all fuck-boys from what you've heard. Luke would go into great detail every time you'd call him for an update. You had heard enough stories about Luke's friends to know that they were often more interested in casual relationships than anything serious.

"They were all fuck-boys from what you've told me," you said with a wry smile. Luke had a tendency to share his escapades in great detail, and you couldn't help but be amused by his candidness.

Luke chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, well, they can be a handful sometimes, but I promise this guy is different. He's actually a pretty decent guy, and I think you'd get along. Would I ever set you up for failure, Y/N?"

You raised an eyebrow, still skeptical. "And what's in it for you, Luke? Why are you so invested in setting me up with your friend?"

Luke's expression shifted, and for a moment, he looked genuinely serious. "Because I hate seeing you like this, distant from the family and hurting because of Jack. I just want you to be happy."

His words touched your heart, and you couldn't help but soften a bit. Luke may have had ulterior motives, but it seemed that his concern for your well-being was genuine.

"And um, well, I have a thing for his cousin." Luke cleared his throat and you couldn't help but playfully roll your eyes.

A playful smile tugged at your lips as Luke admitted his own motives. "Ah, I see how it is. A bit of matchmaking for both of us, then?"

Luke grinned, his boyish charm on full display. "Exactly! We help each other out, and everyone's happy."

You chuckled, feeling a sense of warmth and camaraderie with Luke. "Alright, fine Luke. Jeez, the things I do for you."

Luke laughed, appreciating your willingness to humor him. "You're the best, Y/N. You won't regret it, I promise."

──

Dinner had been ready and Ellen decided dinner would be fun outside. The sun was setting, casting a warm, golden glow over the lake, and the sound of crickets filled the air as the family gathered around a long, rustic wooden table set up on the deck, the same one they'd had a decade ago, when you were children.

You took a seat next in between Luke and Jim, Quinn across from you two and Jack nowhere to be found. Before you could ask, your question was answered.

"Where's Jack?" Ellen asked as she sat next to her husband.

"With Nicole," Luke and Quinn had mumbled in response as they both took knowing glances at you. You couldn't help but sigh, would you always be known the girl who's helplessly in love with Jack?

"Wow, you really outdid yourself, Ellen with this chicken. What did you do?" You tried to change the topic with a smile, as you ate dinner.

Ellen beamed at your compliment, clearly pleased that you appreciated her cooking. "Oh, I found it on the TikTok, it was amazing and so easy! You should start making it, it's so easy for school."

The conversation shifted towards discussing recipes and school, and you found it easier to participate in the lighthearted chatter. As the evening went on, you made an effort to focus on the present moment, enjoying the warmth of the Hughes family and pushing aside thoughts of Jack and his new relationship.

After dinner, you and Quinn helped Ellen with the dishes and you found yourself in deep conversation with them. The warmth of their company, along with the shared memories and laughter, made you realize that distancing yourself from the Hughes family wasn't the right course of action. They had been a significant part of your life for so long, and you cherished the bond you shared with them.

You were so engaged in conversation that you didn't hear footsteps that entered the kitchen.

"Hey,"

The sound of the familiar voice calling out "Hey" made your heart skip a beat. You turned around to find Jack standing there, a somewhat sheepish expression on his face. It had been a while since you'd seen him, and the mix of emotions stirred within you once more. And next to him, you assumed to be "Nicole." She looked sweet and you forced a smile at her.

"Hey," you replied, your voice friendly and polite as you acknowledged both Jack and Nicole. You couldn't help but notice the way they stood close to each other, the subtle intertwining of their fingers, and the affectionate glances they exchanged. It was a painful reminder of the gap that had grown between you and Jack.

"Hi, I'm Nicole," she introduced herself with a warm smile.

"Nice to meet you, Nicole. I'm Y/N," you replied, extending a hand for a friendly shake.

"Yeah, I know. These two don't ever stop talking about you." She laughed playfully and you felt heart start beating faster at the prospect of Jack talking about you to his girlfriend.

"Well it was mostly me─" Quinn tried to intervene before you laughed along with her, he was trying to soften the blow.

"Really? Well that's sweet," you replied with a warm smile, even though a small part of you wished Jack would stop talking about you to his girlfriend. It was a complex blend of emotions, wanting to be close to him but also wanting to distance yourself from the heartache.

Ellen smiled, "Well now that you're here, you all can finish the dishes and catch up,"

You nodded, "Okay, sure. Go relax, Ellen."

"Yep, and me." Before you could protest, Quinn left. He certainly didn't want to be there once you started "catching up." You cursed at Quinn in your head as he left the kitchen, alone with Jack and his girlfriend.

The clinking of dishes filled the kitchen as you, Jack, and Nicole worked together on the task at hand. You decided to break the silence with some light conversation.

"So, Nicole, how did you and Jack meet?" you asked, genuinely curious about their relationship.

Nicole smiled, her eyes lighting up. "We actually met at one of his hockey games. My friend had an extra ticket, and I've always been a fan of hockey, so I decided to go. I didn't know I'd end up meeting Jack Hughes in person but now, here we are!"

Jack nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it was a lucky coincidence. We hit it off right away."

"That's so sweet, right out of a book." You laughed and she nodded, blushing. You couldn't help but smile at their story, even though it felt like a bittersweet reminder of what could never be. You were genuinely happy for Jack, and yet, a part of you couldn't help but wish for a different outcome.

Nicole blushed at your comment, clearly smitten with Jack. "Yeah, it does feel a bit like a fairy tale sometimes," she admitted.

"So, Y/N, what have you been up to lately?" Jack cleared his throat, breaking the conversation away from their relationship. You both gazed at one another and you suddenly felt empty. It had never been like this between you two, he never asked what you'd been up to because he always known.

You forced a smile, your chest feeling heavy as you replied, "Oh, you know, just keeping busy with school and spending time with family." It was a vague response, deliberately leaving out the part about missing him. You didn't want to make things awkward, and you certainly didn't want to burden him with your own emotions.

Jack nodded, seemingly accepting your answer. "That's good to hear. School can be pretty demanding, I bet."

"Yeah, it keeps me on my toes," you replied, trying to keep the conversation light. It was becoming increasingly clear that the dynamic between you and Jack had changed, and it was going to take some time to adjust to this new reality.

Before he could respond, Luke came into the kitchen and he immediately looked like he regretted it. He forced a smile, "Um, is there any ice cream in the... fridge?"

You couldn't help but chuckle at Luke's somewhat awkward entrance. It was clear he was trying to give you and Jack some space, even though the tension in the room was palpable.

"Luke, you know where the ice cream is," you replied with a knowing look, amusement dancing in your eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I just... thought I'd ask," Luke stammered before quickly retreating from the kitchen, leaving you, Jack, and Nicole alone once more.

As the last dish was placed in the drying rack, you couldn't help but glance at Jack, his profile highlighted by the soft kitchen light. He turned to you with a smile.

"Anyways, Trevor and Alex are coming tomorrow, you excited to see them?" Jack added with a friendly tone, trying to bridge the awkward gap that had formed during your conversation.

You nodded, appreciating the effort he was making to include you despite the new circumstances. "Yeah, it'd be nice to catch up with them. I haven't talked to 'em in a while."

All three of you exited the kitchen and you went to go find Quinn to give him a lecture. That was until you felt your phone buzz with a text message,

luke my friends are here they wanna meet u

Before you could type your answer, Luke gave you another text.

lukejack and his gf aren't here. just come 😑

You rolled your eyes at his attitude and quickly went to go find him and his friends. You quickly found them by the pool and you opened the sliding door, his friends whipped their heads to take a look at you.

"Hey, Luke," you greeted him with a smile, momentarily ignoring the curious glances. "You wanted me to meet your friends?"

"Well you said yourself you wanted to meet 'em earlier," Luke nodded and you got the memo.

You nodded and smiled, deciding to go along with Luke's plan. After all, it was a chance to distract yourself from the complicated situation with Jack and his new girlfriend. Luke's friends seemed friendly enough, and you were always open to making new acquaintances.

"I'm pretty sure you've met Ethan and Dylan before,"

You nodded politely. You had met them when you had helped him move in a few months ago and they were nice enough. "Yeah, nice to see you guys again."

"Yeah, you too." They replied in union, making you laugh.

"And this is Mark," Luke glanced knowingly at you and you instantly knew that this was the guy who had developed a crush on you.

When Luke introduced Mark, you couldn't help but notice the subtle shift in his friends' expressions. It was clear that Mark's crush on you wasn't a well-kept secret among their group. You offered Mark a friendly smile, wanting to make him feel comfortable despite the awkwardness of the situation.

"Nice to meet you, Mark," you said, extending a hand for a handshake. "Luke's told me a lot about you guys."

Mark's cheeks turned a faint shade of pink as he shook your hand. "Yeah, he's talked about you too."

Luke sat back down and you took a seat next to him, right across from Mark. "Oh does he?" You teased him.

Luke, attempting to play it cool, shrugged nonchalantly. "Just mentioned how nice you are, no big deal."

Ethan and Dylan exchanged knowing glances, trying to suppress their laughter. It was evident to everyone at the table that there was more to Luke's mention than he let on.

"Nice?" You couldn't help but laugh and exchange glances with Mark, a grin on his face. He was cute, you had to admit that. He was exactly your type, he looked sweet and had a cute smile. Maybe Luke was a pretty good matchmaker, so far.

"Yeah, he told us how cool you were. And then he showed us your instagram and all of us fell in love," Ethan mentioned, quickly pausing and glancing at Mark before continuing. "Well not in love but we all thought you were pretty. Well, I mean you are but like-"

"I get it," You laughed at his nervous rambling. You took another glance at Mark and gave him a smile, his cheeks turning even redder (somehow).

The table erupted in laughter, and it was clear that everyone was having a good time. Even Mark seemed to have settled into the friendly atmosphere, and you couldn't deny the chemistry you felt with him. It was lighthearted and fun, a welcome distraction from the complicated feelings you had for Jack.

As the night wore on, you noticed that Ethan, Luke, and Dylan began to exchange glances and sharing quiet conversations. It was clear that they had some sort of plan in mind, and you couldn't help but wonder what they were up to. You decided to play along, knowing that whatever they had in store was likely meant to bring you and Mark closer and anything would help to make you forget about Jack.

"Hey, Mark, do you want to check out the lake?" you suggested, giving him a sweet smile. The lake house had always been a place of fond memories for you, and it would be a great opportunity to spend some time alone with Mark.

Mark's face lit up. "Sure, that sounds like a great idea, let's go."

You excused yourselves from the table, and as you walked towards the sliding glass door that led to the lake, you couldn't help but notice the mischievous smiles on Ethan, Luke, and Dylan's faces. They were clearly up to something, you tried to ignore their expressions.

Once outside, the two of you made your way down to the edge of the lake. The moon reflected on the calm water, casting a romantic glow.

"So, Y/N, tell me more about yourself," Mark began, his voice soft and inviting.

You smiled, feeling a sense of warmth in the cool summer night air. "Well, there's not much to tell, really." You chuckled before continuing, "Just trying to finish up school and move to Europe."

Mark's eyes widened with curiosity. "Europe? That sounds amazing. What's drawing you there?"

You gazed at the shimmering reflection of the moon on the lake, lost in thought for a moment. "I don't know, these past months have been hard. And I never thought about moving out of the states but recently, I just wanna let go and start fresh, you know?"

Mark nodded, understanding what you meant. "I get that, a change of scenery can help with that feeling."

You sighed, feeling a sense of relief in opening up to Mark. "Exactly. I just want to explore new horizons, experience different cultures, and maybe find a new perspective on life."

"I've always wanted to go to France, I know it's basic but I heard they had good hot chocolate and had to try it." Mark smiled down at you and you couldn't help but let out a soft laugh.

"That doesn't sound basic at all," you replied with a grin. "I would love to visit France, even if it is every person's dream."

Mark chuckled, his eyes locked onto yours. "Maybe we can both make our way to Europe someday. Who knows, our paths might cross in a cozy café in Paris."

The idea painted a vivid picture in your mind, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to indulge in the possibility. "That sounds like a dream."

A sudden breeze began to pick up and you felt yourself shiver and Mark noticed. Without saying another word, he took off his jacket and quickly wrapped it around your shoulder.

It was a cliche, you know that. But as you looked at Mark, you felt a sense of warmth that had nothing to do with the jacket. His kindness and consideration made your heart skip a beat, something you hadn't experienced in a while. You smiled at him gratefully, the cool breeze forgotten as you were wrapped in his warmth.

"Thank you, Mark," you said softly, your eyes meeting his. In that moment, under the moonlight by the lake, you felt a connection that was unlike anything you had experienced in a long time.

Mark smiled back at you, his eyes holding a glint of something more. "Anytime, Y/N."

As the night wore on, your conversation with Mark flowed effortlessly, you found yourself drawn further into Mark's world, and the thought of Jack and his complicated situation faded into the background even if only for that night. In Mark's company, you were starting to feel a glimmer of hope for the fresh start you had been yearning for.

──

You awoke with the sound of laughter. Your eyes opened groggily and you felt your back scream in pain and it took a minute to realize exactly where you were.

You laid on Mark's chest, a blanket laid out on the both of you. You were on the couch and the memories of last night quickly flooded back into your head.

"Aww, Marky, you got yourself a girlfriend finally!" Ethan exclaimed as Mark tried to cover your face with the blanket, an (failed) attempt to not to wake you. They hadn't noticed you were awake.

"Ha ha ha, so funny." Mark mumbled in false amusement as he yawned.

You decided to remain quiet, pretending to still be asleep, curious to hear how Mark would handle the situation. A smile stretched your lips as you continued to eavesdrop.

"Seriously though, Mark, she's pretty," Dylan chimed in. "You two looked really cozy last night."

"Yeah, yeah," Mark replied, his tone still somewhat defensive. "We were just talking. You guys are reading too much into it."

"Sure, Mark, whatever you say," Ethan teased, and you could practically hear the grin in his voice. "Just talking, my ass."

"My clothes are still on, right?" Mark groaned quietly. "Could you guys be quiet, she's sleeping."

"Awww, Marky!" Ethan let out a booming laugh and you took that as your cue to 'wake up.'

You let out a yawn and pushed down the blanket from your face and they all quieted down. "Good... morning?"

"You have a good sleep last night?" Ethan teased and you tried to ignore the warm feeling in your cheeks as you got up from the couch. Mark frowned as you got up, feeling his body get cool.

You stretched your arms and stifled another yawn before responding to Ethan's teasing. "Yeah, it was quite comfortable here, actually."

"I bet," Ethan replied as he wiggled his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes.

"Okay, well, I'm going to brush my teeth."

"Wait, let's go eat first." Mark quickly replied, making Dylan and Ethan exchange glances.

"Before... brushing my teeth?" You smiled at that. He was cute, for sure.

"Yeah, Mark, let her go brush her teeth. Knowing what you two did-"

"Shut up," Mark groaned as you let out a chuckle. "Yeah, go brush your teeth."

You nodded and walked away from the living room, quickly ascending up the stairs and into the bathroom. The smile hadn't left your face and you felt like absolutely nothing could ruin your mood.

Well, you were wrong.

As you brushed your teeth happily, you heard the familiar noise in the next room other. The rhythmic banging, the moaning─

Oh no, you thought to yourself. You felt your stomach twist in disgust as let out an audible gag. The room next to the bathroom was Jack's and the only couple in the entire house was Jack and Nicole. You connected the dots and you suddenly felt nauseous.

You spit your paste and quickly rinsed your mouth. You needed to get out of there immediately. As you walked out of the bathroom, you bumped into one person you did not want to see.

"Oh shoot, sorry."

You looked up to see Nicole. She looked tired, her red hair messy and her neck filled with marks. They were obviously busy last night and you tried to push the visual of them having sex out of your mind as you forced a smile. "No, you're totally good."

She smiled and gave your shoulder a pat before walking to the bathroom. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and let your shoulders fall as you walked down the stairs.

You smelled hash browns in the air, your favorite, but somehow you still felt sick to your stomach. The imagery was still stuck in your head, you felt disgusting.

You made your way to the dining table and took a seat next to Quinn, crossing your arms and he immediately knew what was wrong. Your disgusted facial expression, your annoyed attitude, everything.

"They're like fucking bunnies," Quinn mumbled to you and you looked back at him with a nod. He looked tired, too. It looked like they kept him up and you were suddenly grateful you slept downstairs, even with the ache in your lower back. He put a hand on your shoulder in comfort. "Hey, if it makes you better, he lasts about a few minutes. You wouldn't want that."

His unusual teasing tone still didn't make you better, you knew Quinn was trying his best to make you feel better. You forced a smile and nodded, "Yeah. That's gross."

"What's gross?"

You turned your head to see Jack; his disheveled appearance making you gag internally, knowing what you know. You made eye contact for a few seconds before averting your gaze to the table.

"Nothing, buddy." Quinn responded with a smirk and they both exchanged a laugh. Jack then, took a seat right across from you. Now you literally couldn't move your gaze anywhere else without making it obvious.

Quinn seemed determined to keep the mood light, though, and he continued with the banter. "I heard you and Mark spent the night together last night."

There was a pause and a few awkward glances before he continued, "Um, not like that."

Jack looked directly at you and he had unreadable expression on his face. Confusion? Annoyance? Jealousy? Maybe a mix of all three.

"Well, we just-"

Before you continue you heard Ethan and Dylan's booming laughter as they entered the dining room, plates in their hands. They immediately exchanged glances as they realized who was in the room before putting sitting down with their plates.

"Your mom has food in the kitchen, if you guys... want any." Ethan tried to diffuse the tension as he smiled and looked at Dylan. "Mark's in there, Y/N."

As you got up to find Mark, you couldn't help but exchange a glance with Jack. His expression was hard to decipher – there was a mix of emotions, but it was clear that the mention of you spending the night with Mark had affected him in some way. You couldn't dwell on it for too long, though, as you headed to the kitchen to find Mark.

In the kitchen, you found Mark helping himself to some breakfast. He looked up and gave you a warm smile as you entered. "Hey, good morning."

He quickly noticed your expression and he turned to you with confusion, "Everything okay?"

You nodded, trying to shake off the lingering discomfort from the dining room. "Yeah, just... things got a bit awkward in there. Thanks for last night, by the way."

Mark chuckled, handing you a plate of food. "No problem at all. It was fun."

As you both made your way back to the dining room, you couldn't help but wonder what the day had in store for you, especially with the lingering tension between you and Jack.

You sat down next to Quinn as Mark quickly made his way to the empty seat next to you. Finally, everyone started piling into the dining room and everyone started eating.

The atmosphere in the dining room remained tense as everyone continued eating. Nicole was sitting next to Jack and noticed the slight change in him, he seemed more... moody. You tried your best to focus on your plate and engage in conversation with those around you, but it was hard with Jack's presence so close.

As the meal progressed, you felt Jack's gaze on you, a burning sensation that you couldn't ignore. Finally, after a while, Jack spoke up, his tone casual as he said, "So, Y/N, Mark seemed like a nice guy. How long have you known him?"

Mark exchanged a glance between the two of you, choosing peace and continued to eat.

His seemingly innocent question struck a nerve. You knew he was deliberately bringing up Mark to gauge your reaction, and it irritated you. Trying to maintain your composure, you replied, "Just met last night."

Jack's eyebrows raised slightly, a hint of surprise in his expression as he processed your response. It seemed your terse reply had caught him off guard. Mark continued to eat quietly, not wanting to get caught up in the tension.

After a moment of silence, Jack cleared his throat, attempting to sound nonchalant but failing to hide a hint of sarcasm. "Well, you two certainly seemed close for people who just met." Before you could respond, he continued under his breath, "Didn't know you were that easy."

Quinn kicked Jack's leg under the table and Nicole seemed distressed, too.

You bit your tongue. You clenched your fork tightly, your frustration mounting. "We were just having a conversation, Jack. Is that not allowed?"

Jack's gaze didn't waver as he replied, "Of course it is, Y/N. Just making conversation here because apparently I don't know anything about you anymore."

That really struck a move. He didn't know anything about you anymore? Jack's words hit you like a dagger to the heart. The pain and frustration were evident in his tone, and you could sense the turmoil in his emotions. It was clear that your distancing had affected him more than you had realized.

The tension at the table was palpable as everyone watched the exchange between you and Jack. Quinn cleared his throat, trying to mediate. "Guys, can we not do this right now?"

You felt yourself get more heated as you heard Ellen say something but you couldn't even comprehend it, that's how angry you were. Without thinking, you pushed your chair back and got up from the table. Your voice was strained with anger as you addressed Jack.

"Do you have no idea what it's been like for me, Jack?" You couldn't help but raise your voice, your pent-up emotions pouring out. "You just assume things and make stupid comments, but you don't know the half of it. This distance isn't just about you, it's about me trying to protect myself too."

The room was now filled with an uncomfortable silence, and it was clear that your outburst had taken everyone by surprise. Nicole placed a comforting hand on Jack's arm, silently pleading for him to let it go. Mark, too, looked uncomfortable, not wanting to be caught in the middle of this argument.

Jack's expression had shifted from surprise to a mix of anger and hurt as he absorbed your words. He clenched his jaw, clearly struggling to find the right response. Nicole's gentle touch on his arm seemed to be a calming influence, and he took a deep breath before speaking, his voice more controlled.

Ellen, sensing that the situation had become too tense, interjected again, her voice gentle but firm.

"Let's all take a step back, please? Y/N, sweetheart, maybe you could use a little breather, and we can all reconvene when things have calmed down."

You felt embarrassed as you looked around the room, all eyes seemingly on you and Jack. Feeling the weight of everyone's eyes on you, you nodded, your initial anger having dissipated into a mix of regret and awkwardness. You understood that your outburst had been uncharacteristic and uncomfortable with everyone there. With a forced smile, you mumbled an apology.

"Yeah, maybe I do need a little breather. Sorry about that, everyone." You turned away from the table and quickly exited the dining room. Outside, the fresh air greeted you, and you took a moment to collect your thoughts.

As you stood there, lost in thought, you couldn't help but wonder if there was any way to mend the growing rift between you and Jack, or if it was time to accept that things might never be the same again.

You stayed outside and spent the most of the day alone, outside in the pool trying to get a tan. The boys had all been playing pool inside and you were glad alone.

The sun beat down on you as you lounged by the pool, trying to soak in the warmth and forget about the tension from earlier. The sound of laughter from inside the house was a stark contrast to the solitude you sought outside.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear your mind. The cool water of the pool offered a refreshing escape from the heat, and you decided to take a dip to cool off and clear your thoughts.

As you swam in the crystal-clear water, you couldn't help but replay the argument with Jack in your mind. It weighed heavily on your heart, and you wondered if there was a way to make amends and rebuild the bond you had once shared.

"Hey,"

You let out a yelp as you heard Mark's voice and he let out a soft laugh as he walked over to the pool, dipping his legs into the pool.

"Hey," you laughed, pushing a wet strand of hair out of your face. "Sorry, you scared me there."

Mark chuckled, the sound light and soothing. "No worries, didn't mean to sneak up on you. Just thought you could use some company."

You appreciated his gesture and nodded. "Thanks, Mark. It's been definitely been a... day."

He nodded in understanding, his gaze sympathetic. "I could tell. The argument with Jack didn't look fun."

You sighed, the weight of it all still pressing on you. "Yeah, it wasn't. Sorry about him throwing you in the middle of it, I don't know what's going on with him."

He stayed quiet as he listened and nodded. You looked at him, waiting for some kind of response. He looked like he was weighing something in his head. "Well... it seems like he's jealous."

Jealous? You blinked in surprise, not expecting Mark to say that. "Jealous? Why would he be jealous?" You knew why, but it hadn't even seemed like a possibility in your mind.

Mark had a thin-lipped smile as he continued, "I mean why else would be an absolute dick about me spending the night with you?"

You stayed quiet, you had no idea how to deal with this. Of course this would happen to you on what was supposed to be a peaceful lake-house trip.

"Can I ask you a question, Y/N? But you have to be 100% honest with me." Mark's tone seemed serious as he spoke and you felt your heart drop. "Have you and Jack ever hooked up? Or like, dated?"

"No," that was the true answer but it looked like Mark hadn't bought it. "Well, I've always liked him." It felt weird to admit that and Mark's expression looked hurt as you continued. "That's why I stopped talking to him. I realized it would never go anywhere and I was still living in my head, it would've never worked out with me and Jack."

Admitting it out loud hurt more than you expected. You would never work out with Jack, no matter how hard you wanted it to.

"You still like him?"

You weighed your options but as you looked at Mark and everything that could happen, you knew the right answer. "No."

──

"Y/N!"

You heard Trevor's excited shout and you turned around, you felt Trevor embrace you tightly. You let out a laugh as he continued hugging you tightly, it had been a couple months since you'd last seen him.

He was always just as close to you as Jack, he was your true best friend. He had been there for you when Jack wasn't.

"Trevor!" You returned his hug with equal enthusiasm, feeling a surge of warmth and happiness at the sight of your close friend.

He pulled away with a big smile on his face, "Wow, why do you actually look good?" He said with a playful flirty undertone, making you laugh.

"Don't know, maybe it's the lack of Jack." As you turned to look behind him, you locked eyes with another close friend, Alex. He smiled and walked up to you; he was definitely the calm one in the friend-group. He gave you a hug before Trevor continued.

He rolled his eyes, "You still on that? Come on, Y/N."

You chuckled at Trevor's playful teasing, realizing that his presence had indeed lifted your spirits. "I can't help it, Trev. It's like a curse or something."

Alex joined in with a gentle laugh. "Well, we're here now, so you don't have to think about Jack for a while."

With your friends around, the atmosphere lightened even further, and you felt grateful for their presence. It was a chance to forget about the tension with Jack and simply enjoy the reunion with your closest friends.

"Oh shit." Alex mumbled, "I forgot my phone in the car,"

"Oh no worries, I'll come with you," you offered, eager to catch up with Alex and have a moment away from the group.

As you both headed to the car, Alex spoke in a hushed tone, "How have you been, Y/N? I know things have been tough."

You appreciated his concern and gave him a small smile. "I've had my ups and downs, but I'm good now. I'm glad you decided to come to the lake house, I've missed you two."

Alex nodded, his expression thoughtful. "We've missed you too. And I know things have changed with Jack, but we're here to support you no matter what."

As you arrived in the hallway, you had no time to respond as you heard yelling in the garage. You and Alex exchanged confused glances as you tried to listen in.

"What, Jack?! What's the excuse now, she literally said she's liked you forever!" You heard Nicole's voice and you felt your heart drop. She heard you in the pool?

You and Alex exchanged concerned glances as you strained to hear the conversation in the garage. Nicole's voice had a tone of frustration, and it was evident that she was upset about something. The mention of your feelings for Jack made your heart race.

Jack's voice responded, his tone defensive. "Nicole, it's not that simple. Y/N and I have a complicated history, okay?"

Nicole sounded exasperated as she retorted, "Complicated history? Jack, she's moved on. Why can't you?"

Their voices grew louder, and you could feel the strain in their relationship even from a distance. It was clear that your presence had stirred up emotions and issues between them, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt.

As you leaned in closer to the door, it suddenly opened and you and Alex jumped.

The sudden opening of the door startled both you and Alex, and you found yourself face to face with a frustrated-looking Nicole. Her eyes widened in surprise at seeing you eavesdropping on their argument.

"Y/N..." Nicole began, her voice trailing off as he seemed at a loss for words.

You quickly glanced at Alex, who was equally taken aback by the unexpected confrontation.

"I'm so sorry, Nicole, I didn't know that you heard me and I promise you I would never, ever try anything while you were with Jack-"

She cut you off with a forced smile, "I get it. It's not your fault." She sneered at Jack before continuing. "It's not your fault Jack can't get over his childhood crush."

"Nicole, let's not do this here," Jack said, his voice tinged with frustration. He glanced at you and Alex before turning back to her. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"There is no later! I'm done." She yelled back at him, her eyebrows furrowing in utter anger. "You already made your decision, it was either me or her and we all know your choice. I won't be a second choice, Jack. I've been second to her our entire relationship and I just met her, can you imagine how I've felt?"

The raw pain in Nicole's eyes was impossible to ignore, and it was clear that she had reached her breaking point. Her outburst had laid bare the insecurities and frustrations that had been festering beneath the surface, and it left everyone in the room with a heavy sense of unease. You could see the hurt in her eyes, and it was clear that their relationship had reached a breaking point. You couldn't help but feel guilty, was it your fault?

While you knew you weren't responsible for the choices Jack had made in his relationship, it was impossible not to wonder if your presence had somehow worsened the situation. You had never intended to come between them or cause any harm.

You exchanged a glance with Alex, who looked equally uncomfortable with the situation. The unease in the room was palpable, and there were no easy answers to the complex emotions and dynamics at play.

Jack's shoulders slumped, and he looked defeated. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. It was a painful silence, and you could feel the weight of the history and emotions between Jack and Nicole.

Finally, he managed to speak, his voice soft and filled with regret. "I'm so sorry, Nicole. I never meant for any of this to happen-"

Nicole didn't respond. She simply turned and walked away, leaving Jack standing there, his face etched with a complex mix of emotions.

Jack ran a hand through his hair before he quickly pushed past you and Alex to run after Nicole. "Fuck, baby please listen!"

You and Alex exchanged looks before he sighed heavily, "Wow. What the hell did me and Trev miss."

"You have no idea," you sighed as you began walking to his car for the thing you had came in there for.

──

You sat next to Mark as you both dangled your feet in the water, everyone was outside and it finally felt like relaxing trip. It finally felt like the lake house; no drama (for the most part), cool summer air, and all your close friends in one place.

Sitting by the water with Mark, you felt a sense of calm wash over you. The drama from earlier had dissipated, and you were grateful for the opportunity to unwind with your friends. The cool breeze, the soothing sounds of the lake, and the laughter of your friends created a serene atmosphere that allowed you to momentarily forget about the complexities of your relationships.

You turned to Mark and offered a genuine smile. "Thanks for being here today, Mark. It means a lot."

He returned your smile warmly. "Of course, Y/N. I'm here whenever you need someone to talk to or just hang out with."

As the stars began to twinkle in the night sky, you found yourself leaning in closer to Mark. His presence felt comforting and reassuring. You locked eyes with him, and there was a shared understanding between you.

In that moment, you realized that Mark had become more than just a friend. He was someone who had been there for you, who had listened, and who had shown you support when you needed it, something you hadn't experienced from any partner. And perhaps, in the midst of all the chaos, you had found something unexpected: the possibility of a new beginning.

As your faces drew nearer, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in that quiet, starlit moment. It was a moment of choice, a moment where you could let go of the past and embrace the future.

With a gentle, lingering touch, your lips met Mark's, and for that brief, stolen moment, it felt like the world was right where it should be.

Then it felt wrong. You pulled away and you turned your head almost instinctively and there he was. Jack, standing there, watching the scene unfold.

The shock on Jack's face was undeniable, and it was as if time had frozen in that moment. His presence shattered the tranquility that had enveloped you and Mark, leaving an awkward and tense silence in its wake.

Mark pulled away from you slowly, his expression a mix of surprise and uncertainty. You could feel your heart racing, caught between the past and the present, between the familiarity of Jack and the newfound connection with Mark.

Jack scoffed and walked away, leaving your heart shattered; like he always did. As you began to get up, Mark gripped your arm. You looked down at him and found yourself at crossroads.

Mark or Jack? Mark or Jack? Mark: the sweetest boy with the sweetest smile, or Jack: the person you'd loved your entire life.

You knew the answer. Everyone knew the answer. You moved your arm from his grip and got up, leaving him seated in the pool. You ran after Jack and it suddenly hit you. He'll always have this power over you, his beautiful smile always had this effect on you.

It made you nauseous as you tried to find where he was, like you always did. He would always pick someone else and you always had to pick him, that was just how it worked.

You ran after Jack, your heart pounding in your chest. The familiar ache of chasing after someone who always seemed just out of reach gnawed at you. It was a pattern you had repeated countless of times, a dance of longing and rejection that you couldn't seem to break free from no matter how hard you tried.

As you searched for him, you couldn't help but feel a sense of desperation. You knew that choosing Jack meant choosing the same cycle of heartache, but it was a choice you had made so many times before. His smile, his presence, his history with you—it all had a hold on you that was impossible to shake.

Finally, you spotted him by the edge of the lake, his silhouette illuminated by the moonlight. He turned to look at you, his expression a mix of surprise and uncertainty, as if he couldn't believe you had chosen him once again.

You didn't say anything as you approached him. Words felt meaningless in that moment. Instead, you simply reached out and took his hand, intertwining your fingers with his, and with that simple gesture, you made your choice.

It might have been the same old pattern, the same old dance, but it was your choice to make, and for now, it was the one that felt right.

As you looked into his eyes, the same ones you'd adored since day one, you felt deja vu. You felt angry; how could one person have such control over you? In the depths of his eyes, you saw a reflection of your own emotions, a turbulent mix of desire, frustration, and longing. It was a maddening feeling, to be so deeply ensnared by someone who seemed to hold all the power in your relationship.

The moonlight cast a soft glow on both of you as you stood by the lake, hand in hand, the weight of your choice settling in. It was a choice that defied reason and logic, a choice that defied the very patterns you had tried to break free from. But for now, it was your choice, and you would face the consequences, whatever they may be, with Jack by your side.

You felt an unexpected sob ripple from your chest and you ripped your hand from his, covering your mouth with your hand. You closed your eyes and you felt Jack pull you closer, into his chest.

As the sobs wracked your body, you felt Jack's arms around you, offering a comforting embrace. It was a mixture of relief and hurt, the weight of your choice bearing down on you. You had chosen to follow your heart, even if it meant stepping into the same cycle of uncertainty and longing.

Jack held you tightly, his own emotions undoubtedly conflicted, but in that moment, it was a silent understanding between the two of you. The night was still, and the moon illuminated the path you had chosen, as well as the challenges that lay ahead.

"It's okay, shh. I'm... here now, I'm sorry." He mumbled as he planted a kiss on your head.

You felt such anger in your stomach as he said those words so easily. Was it okay? Was he really here, with you? Was he truly sorry. You pushed him away and you saw him fumble back, hurt in his eyes as you fell on to your knees, taking a seat on the cold sand of the lake.

The anger, the hurt, the confusion, it all swirled within you as you sat there on the cold sand, tears streaming down your face. You couldn't make sense of your emotions, and Jack's words, well-intentioned as they might have been, didn't provide the solace you needed.

Jack remained a few steps away, watching you with a pained expression, unsure of how to bridge the gap between you. The silence between you was heavy, filled with unspoken words and unresolved feelings.

"Do you know..." You sniffled, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. You didn't even know where to begin. "I've spent my entire fucking life pining after you. Every single moment has been dedicated to the great Jack fucking Hughes, did you know that?"

Your bitter words felt like a dagger to the heart to the both of you. You continued, "I always choose you. I always fucking choose you!" You screamed out angrily, as Jack flinched. He'd never seen you this angry in his entire life.

"Why do I always choose you? You're like every other guy in the world." Your tears streamed down your face. "But you're special to me," you mumbled as Jack's breathing became heavy with emotion. "You always choose everyone else but me. I never knew why." You were just rambling at this point but you would be lying if you said it didn't feel good.

You looked up at Jack. "I watched you fall for people who didn't see you the way I did, who didn't know you the way I did, and I stood there, invisible, as you gave your heart to them."

Your words cut deep, each one a painful reminder of the years of unrequited love and longing.

"And then," you whispered, your voice barely audible, "when I finally thought it might be my turn to finally be with someone who actually liked me, who wanted me, I choose you again." Your voice cracked as you mentioned Mark.

You wiped away fresh tears, and the pain in your eyes was palpable. "It hurts, Jack. It hurt more than I can put into words. But I still chose you, again."

A sob caught in your throat, and you continued, your words heavy with emotion. "I've cried myself to sleep, wondering why I wasn't good enough for you, why you never saw me the way I saw you. And every time you got hurt, I was right there with you, helping and being there." You paused. "And when I was hurt, where the fuck were you? Probably with some girl who never knew you like I did. Who will never know you like I do."

Jack's eyes were filled with remorse, and you could see the pain in his expression, but you couldn't stop now. You had to let it all out.

"I convinced myself that if I just kept waiting, if I just kept choosing you, someday you'd see me for who I was, you'd choose me. But it never happened, Jack. It never happened, and it broke my heart a little more every day."

Your voice broke again as you sniffled, "I've missed out on so much because of you," you continued, your voice trembling with emotion. "I've given up on amazing opportunities, on people who genuinely cared about me, all because I thought someday you'd choose me too."

Jack took a seat beside you, the weight of your words sinking in. You didn't fight it, you were too tired.

The lake's gentle waves lapped against the shore, providing a soothing backdrop to the turmoil of emotions swirling around both of you. He didn't say anything for a while, the silence between you heavy with unspoken regret.

Finally, he broke the silence, his voice soft and filled with remorse. "I didn't know. I didn't mean to... hurt you."

You turned to look at him, your eyes meeting his. You saw the sincerity in his gaze, but it was accompanied by a sense of helplessness. It was as if he had finally realized the depth of the pain he had caused you.

"I couldn't like you, Y/N." It sounded harsher than it actually was as he continued. "I just couldn't. You were too good, Y/N, you are a sweetheart. I was scared to taint you, and I would've never forgiven myself if I did..."

"Taint me?" You scoffed, pain in your tone. "You tainted me the moment you met me, Jack."

Those words hung in the air as he swallowed, taking your words into consideration. "I'm so sorry, Y/N," he whispered, his voice filled with remorse. "I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted any of this."

You sighed, the anger and frustration slowly giving way to a sense of resignation. It was a complicated situation, and both of you had made mistakes along the way. "I know, Jack. I know you didn't."

In that moment, you both shared a painful understanding of the past and the choices that had brought you to this point. You would always choose him, and he'd always choose them. But as he put his hand on top of yours, your body entire body felt like it was on fire.

As you looked into Jack's eyes, you saw a mixture of emotions - regret, longing, and a hint of hope. It was as if he, too, was wrestling with the undeniable connection that had always existed between you.

"I'm not saying it'll be easy, Y/N," he murmured, his thumb gently tracing circles on the back of your hand. "But maybe... just maybe, we can find a way to make this work."

His words hung in the air, and for the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to entertain the possibility of a future with Jack, a future where you didn't have to choose between him and anyone else.

Maybe all of that pining wasn't for nothing. Maybe in the end, he would have chosen you. But would you choose him? Could you finally resist him?

As you sat there, the gentle breeze ruffling your hair and the quiet waters of the lake before you, you contemplated Jack's words. The years of pining and longing, the heartaches and frustrations, all seemed to converge in this one moment.

Maybe, just maybe, this was the moment where the tides would turn, and you could choose a different path, one that didn't revolve around Jack. But the choice was yours to make, and it wouldn't be easy. You knew the allure of Jack, the history you shared, and the magnetic pull between you two would always be there.

For now, you decided to savor the night, knowing that the future held uncertainties and challenges, but also the potential for something beautiful. As you gazed at the moonlit lake, you couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead and what choices you would make when the time came.

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

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gangplanksorenji · 4 months

Text

Kinknuary Day 8: Thighfucking

Pairing: Kep1er Mashiro x Male Reader

Word Count: 4,586

[Kinknuary Masterlist]

--------------------------------------

Love can be faux and genuine, as well as how greedy and fluttering romance can be—well, that’s what you believe and no one can brush it off your mind. Maybe, at least, not from her attempts of persuasion that she made you this way but, it’s the way you view things—so contradictory but hell, you can’t be blamed for believing this, probably an earlier heartbreak could be the cause.

“It’s not that easy, Shiro—you should’ve known the story better—”

“Well, I’m just giving you some advice and my thoughts about the situation—no harsh feelings, I swear!”

“Yeah, you do…” You closed your eyes as the bitterness of the alcohol was getting through you, feeling that burning sensation was too strong, strong enough to maybe forget what happened but it’s just making everything painful. Mashiro sends off a glare as she clicks her tongue of dismay, disapproving of your ways of approaching the situation.

“Look, she’s not going to just ditch you for a reason—maybe she’s just genuinely mad or something! Don’t you just want to talk to her and work this out?”

You laughed at her current suggestion as the pain inside you voiced out such hints of depressive emotions, “If it’s that easy, Shiro…”

As you’re about to take that another gulp of alcohol, Mashiro hits your hand with a furious demeanor (you’ll probably call it an adorable expression since she’s pretty much the epitome of it, in anything she do), not really having the fact that you’re trying to get wasted because of such pain in your heart.

“And alcohol’s not always the answer…”

“You don’t get it, Shiro.” You let out a deep sigh as your vexed emotions are starting to have a hit on you. Feeling genuinely concerned for you, Mashiro then looks at your eyes as her glowing orbs are trying to ignite the fire of delight that once invaded your heart.

“That’s why I’m here for you, as always.” Mashiro caresses your cheeks as she tries to comfort and reassure you and with her genuine attempts of making you feel loved, you can’t help but emanate such a faint smile, voicing out your gratefulness for Mashiro, in all times, even at both your lowest points, she always choose to comfort you first rather than herself and with that, you can’t help but think if you’re worth being such a good friend of hers.

She’s too down-to-earth and selfless, something you’d want to yourself but can’t help but path the opposite and that’s why you’re grateful for meeting such a lovely, thoughtful girl like Mashiro.

She’s built like no other and you can’t help but feel butterflies, the best ones, in a while…

“If you want, I can talk to her so the both of you can make this up—”

“No, Shiro—it’s our problem. You don’t really need to interfere—”

“But I want to help!” Mashiro yelled with hurt and anger filled in every emotion as she sheds a tear, feeling really genuine to not let his friend go to another depressive state and wanting your relationship to end just because of sheer stupidity and selfishness. “I d-don’t want you to feel shitty ever again—you mean a lot to me and it breaks me down when you’re down too, so, please…”

You close your eyes as you fight the emotions that've been battling around your body. It’s a quarrel, a conflict of love between the both of you and she shouldn’t be meddling between the both of you but when she’s shedding a tear, on her lowest and willing to truly help you, you can’t say no but you need to and there’s one thing you need to do to stop this melancholy.

An audible murmur can be heard as she was caught off-guard with your lips latching onto hers. In your whole life, right from the start that you knew her until now, you never shared such intimacy and hotness with Mashiro, but that streak ends now as you indulge with the taste of luscious lips and Mashiro further reciprocates with deepening the kiss. You don’t know if this is love or romance but one thing’s for sure, it’s all genuine and that’s what really matters. It didn’t take long before the both of you closed your eyes and let it all be felt coursing to your veins. It was lovely, affectionate and at the same time, wrong.

There wasn’t anything wrong, maybe just unorthodox in your own words but nonetheless, you both love it and there’s no one holding you back.

There wasn’t any leverage to deepen the kiss if oxygen was lacking within your body, so, after a hot minute of sharing a kiss with Mashiro, you involuntarily pulled away from the warm embrace of it, gasping for air as you faintly smiled at her, feeling butterflies from the kiss.

“Gosh, I’m s-sorry, Shiro—I c-can’t help it—”

“Don’t—” Mashiro’s expression was stern as she didn't want any apologies coming out of your mouth because she seriously meant the reciprocation of the kiss.

“What d-do you mean “Don’t.”?”

She didn’t answer but rather, her lips spoke the actions clearer as such acts are better than words. Further indulging onto the intimate kiss, again, you directed your hands onto the back of waist as the resurgence of need instantly fueled you onto the enamored oblivion of your now so-called definition of ‘love’. It didn’t just stay there, because with tongues battling for dominance as a starting action on this show, you demonstrate such skillful acts of dance towards Mashiro and she took this as hint of stride as she fixes her position and further submit onto such lustful acts of dominance as not so long after, the both of you pulled out again, in need of better respiration. It wasn’t such a detachment that was thoroughly distant against each other because the both of you still peck each other’s lips as the both of you voiced out your frustrations and emotions that you’ve long shackled since day one.

“You c-can’t be this oblivious—hah…”

“And I’m so fucking stupid for not knowing anything genuine, Mashiro—do I even deserve you?”

“Shut up—” Mashiro did it herself as she invaded the caldera of your mouth with another intimate kiss but it didn’t last very long, as she opted for more ways and possible propositions you wanted to do with her.

Everything happened way too quick but honestly, that was just the tip of the iceberg because you really felt surprised (mostly her since you’re the one who initiated the sudden kiss) and the peculiar feeling of love. You never knew how much she sparked you with her charms and affection because you were too oblivious to know anything besides just seeing her as a friend.

You still love her but Mashiro—it’s goddamn difficult to choose but you can’t be arsed to really think about her when Mashiro’s now clouding your whole mind and with a given conclusion (for now), you averted all of your attention to her only.

Maybe it’s time for another bewildering awakening…

“You kiss me really good…”

“Did I? I w-wasn’t even sure—”

Mashiro shuts you up with her index finger laying down your lips, silencing you for such loathing remarks that she hates to hear. “Say something like that again and I’ll punch you.”

You scoff and laugh a little, her sarcastic attempts at being aggressive is so adorable that you want to kiss her again and show how much you loved it. “Okay, Shiro—I’m sorry, hah. You’re a great kisser too, honestly—I’m sorry, I’m just new to this f-feeling.”

She can hear you tremble because of such nervousness and honestly, she understands you because she’s in the same boat with you—her lips trembling in delight after such intimate kisses shows how much serotonin coursed over her body too that she doesn’t know what to really feel either. Blushing from your earlier compliments, she covered her face as she did so, knowing how she’s feeling a little embarrassed being complimented, especially by you. Even with how wholesome this is going, you can’t help but imagine the lustful fantasies you could with her but it’s only a matter of time until you—

“B-but can I confess something t-to you?” You got all of your ears and eyes on her, giving her the green light with a simple ‘yes’ as she proceeds with her wants.

“I wanted to do something but I don’t know if you want to do it…”

If this is what you think it is, then this is the time, a preferably lucky jackpot that you’ve wanting for so long—

“Go on, Shiro—no matter what can that be, I’m all ears—”

“I—you—I w-want to su—”

“Suck me off?”

Mashiro, stunned with your predictive advancements, gasped almost inaudibly as her mouth hung agape from your vulgar words in which, she didn’t mind because that’s exactly what she’s thinking off and it was a gamble—you didn’t want to end this note as Mashiro becomes uncomfortable with you but that’s not really the case because if people knew how she’s much more open about these sexual desires, then they’ll never look the same way like ever before.

Now, it’s not just going to stay in her imagination, let alone viewing it on such blue, pixelated screens and it’s just about time for everything to be in reality.

“H-how did you know?”

“Maybe you’re too readable—I can sense it, Shiro. I know you well, too.”

Mashiro was a bit caught off-guard with that but nonetheless, she trusts you so, she became open and wanted to try it out and maybe even more.

“But you wanted this, don’t y-you?”

The both of you didn’t mind anything as the spacious rooftop allows so much things to be let out, even with the most sinful profanities you had in mind but that (most of it), will be directed towards discomfort, which is the last thing you’d want. Now, pinning her onto the concrete wall as you swivel and repositioned yourself onto the more dominating spot of the act, you smirked as you set yourself on an answer that’ll rock her world: “More than anything, Shiro—I’ve always wanted to know how it’ll feel inside your possibly tight mouth.”

With such hot and erotic words escaping your mouth and the things happening escalating quicker than what she expected it to be, she can’t help but bite her bottom lip and let out needy whines that further puts salt onto the wound of lust. With how great she felt when kissing you, you can’t possibly brush off the fact that her mouth will possibly feel great on your length too but don’t let this be settled just on your imagination—make it a reality you can possess and cherish.

“Kneel down, Shiro—” You quickly unbuttoned your pants as she helped you with that, her hands doing such a magnificent job at it as all you can just sense is the cold air permeating your skin. As soon as your last restraint was about to be undressed and on your ankles, you knew the show would soon be starting and with one, swift motion, it was all off.

Kneeling down (she didn’t mind the cold concrete of the rooftop as her focus is now fully averted onto your erecting shaft), she traces her fingers from base up to the tip, leaving a tingle of an electric charge that makes you moan in sensitivity and delight. Her eyes traced your shaft, every inch of it as admiration was evident on her glowing orbs and it’s just going to get better than this.

“T-this was way better and weirder than I expected.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to this, probably…”

And now, she succumbed to her biggest anticipation—your cock, inside her mouth and instantly, she gagged as she took the whole length inside her tight cavern, making her eject out of it and coughed a little.

“Y-you didn’t need to do that, Shiro—don’t take it all, start with slow sucks and eventually gather the p-pace—oh god!”

She knew what would happen and rather, took that first attempt as a foolish remark from you and instantly, she hugged her plump lips around your tip as she bobbed her head with almost a stagnant pace and god, she’s surprisingly good at it. Maybe, don’t judge the book by its cover next time…

She lathers every inch of your throbbing length full of her saliva, not leaving any of it unsheathed with her drool as her tongue does wonders all over your mushroom tip, capable of sending such pleasure that earns the finest of moans from you, in which, made her flustered considering how she’s making you feel good. With such a gradually increasing pace and a wonderful manifestation of her skills, it actually made you love her even more as the sounds of her gags and deprivation makes everything even better. If you were to be fooled, you won’t even think it’s her first time because on how she’s sucks you off with care and intense pleasure—thanks to the suction of her mouth, it made everything completely off the charts and her lack of experience is evident with her serrated teeth coming over the way of scratching the skin but nonetheless she’s doing good (she’s trying her best not to hurt you even though hints of it are evident and unavoidable for now).

“God, how are you like—fuck—a-already doing good like this, Shiro?”

She took seconds to divert her attention away from your succulent shaft as she didn’t want the tempo to die soon but nonetheless, she pulled out of your saliva-filled length and responded, “Toys—I f-felt a little kinky and decided t-to really practiced a little…”

“Hah—no wonder why you’re sometimes acting strange, huh? Feeling exhausted randomly now I know why…”

Mashiro just brushed off your words as her mouth does such great work onto the wholeness of your shaft, despite only playing it safe and taking only half of it—you could just imagine how better she’s going to be if the both of you consider this as a frequent routine every week. In every stroke she does, it brings utmost pleasure to you as well as her talented mouth being the icing of the top of the cake and it’s just a wonderful sight to see. You could see the tears flowing down her cheeks as the constant gags she does was the reason and it just arouses you further—her sullied façade adding up to the arousing sight is such a fulfillment of wonder and sin. Her saliva makes everything a mess, scattered all over the vicinity of your shaft as this is just hot to handle but there’s no intention of stopping because neither party wanted anything to end so early and to be deprived immediately. It wasn’t long until you grab her head for leverage from the pleasure you’ve been experiencing as she grabs your hips for her own leverage onto better service. You’re not going to last long, you could already feel it and thankfully, she pulls out of your length with a pop that make your cock twitch, not to mention how the string of saliva being connected to her lips and onto your mouth makes the scene such epitome of such sexiness and seduction. As she’s about to let her warm lips be in contact with your length again, you stop her as you propose something to her.

“Don’t—I w-want to fuck you now, Shiro. You could taste my load anytime soon but not now.”

Of course, it’s not surprising that she didn’t like the thought that she didn’t get to finish you off all by herself as she also knows how vulnerable your defenses are—on the verge of cumming with nothing left to do but succumb onto it but thankfully, you fought it as you didn’t want this to be over.

“B-but I want to taste you, or make you paint my face—”

“But you’re insatiable, Shiro—I want to fuck you now, from behind.”

She knows how well she turned you on and you know how much she wants this even though she can define such hypocrisy laced between her words. The both of you know how much you need each other but not how much you want each other—and now with no one to stop you, this is everything you’ve been wanting to win and you're not going to lose anything anyway.

“Honestly, I’d want you to fuck me—I won’t turn that down but I’d want it somewhere else, for now.”

Now rising up on her feet, Mashiro wipes her knees as she faces you and whispered seductively, “I want you to fuck my thighs instead, since you’ve been eyeing on them since earlier.”

That is an offer you can’t turn down since her thighs are considerably one of her best features that you’d want to feast upon and worship, when given the time but honestly, you’d love to ram the possibly tight pussy but if that’s what Mashiro wants, then that’s what you need to attend to and fulfill it with no hesitation—you yourself adore the thought of fucking her thighs. Now facing the wall, her hands resting onto it and her back arched, it didn’t take long before you line up your saliva-sheathed cock between those pillowy muscles, submerging them into no-return.

“This could’ve been better on the window, Shiro.”

“Why though? Hah—that feels good…”

With such a sluggish pace, you can’t help but feel an incredible surge of pleasure as the softness of her thighs and the heat emanating between it (thank god she’s wearing a skirt so nothing became a struggle) aiding that long-awaited serotonin. Now hiking that skirt of hers right up to her waist, she yelped as the cold air brushed against her skin that made her more sensitive as your thrusts added up to that profound pleasure she’s experiencing. Even without the stimulation on her clit, she can’t help but feel great as the wetness of her folds are enough evidence as from time to time, you feel her nectar dripping down her thighs and onto your raging length.

Her thighs do wonders all over you and you can’t help but let out the most erotic moans in every oscillation your hips do.

This is crazy but you’re an unstoppable force now as no one can make you hinder your carnal desires.

“God—you’re dripping already, Shiro? My dick must’ve turned you on so much, hm?”

Mashiro just can’t help but whimper in need between every second that has passed, almost ignoring you yet she’s not that girl that’ll fall deaf on her ears. “Y-you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this—even just in my thighs, you already feel good.”

With her encouraging words of lust, you can’t stop yourself from doing what’s been boggling your mind and with her cheeks presented all over your sight, you slapped her butt with a harsh spank as she yelped in response, the sudden surge of pleasure and pain contradicting what she's feeling right now.

“Fuck—why’d you slap me like that?”

“You don’t want it, Shiro? It’s okay, I won’t d—”

“I never said I didn’t like i-it—oh god, do it again, please!”

With your ruthless pace between her thighs are the constant harsh slaps that resonated around your ears, bringing music onto such lustful profanities that has been fueling you since the beginning, you can’t help but just maintain the tempo as there’s no point of stopping as Mashiro doesn’t even bother to even stop you as she herself, is now aiding for your pleasure and to reach your high as soon as possible. With her wiggling and thrusts of her pillowy butt and her thighs further amplifies the pace with such great trajectory, achieving a series of rough thrusts you never thought was possible and you’re loving every second of it.

“Y-yeah, Shiro—we should’ve done this somewhere that has a window—”

“For what?”

With your hands averting its attention towards her toned waist and to fix her hair in order for it to fall onto her left shoulder, you lean in and whisper another set of dirty thoughts that makes her enlightened, “Because I want them to know how much you’ll love this and when I cum, I’ll spray it all on the window and let you kneel down to taste it.”

Now Mashiro, being enlightened with such a kinky thought of yours, hints a bit of regret for not doing this somewhere as her imagination wildens with your lustful words, making her heat drip even more, aiding for more comfort and lubricant on your reckless length.

“Maybe even do i-it on a mirror, so you could also see my face when you thrust on my thighs.”

“Even going to be better if it’s in your pussy but fuck, Shiro—that’s hot and shit—I’m not going to last that long, t-too—shit!”

That is a hot scene probably urging you to even fuel your thighfuck kink but the inevitable will soon come, ending your masterclass and the long-lived pleasure that has been coursing through your veins. She sensed it too as your constant throbbing can be felt between her thighs and to further chase your orgasm, she clamped her thighs even tighter around your rock-hard cock as she moans for you, voicing out your incredible work of sin and to fuel you even more—not to mention her hands constants touching her breasts in order to stimulate herself and earn some pleasure too. With constant spanks, your mouth marking her nape and peppering it with kisses, it wasn’t long until you achieved the desired promised land and within a single blink, you let everything out.

She wiggle her thighs, massaging your orgasmic sensation as every spurt lets out such angelic moans coming out of your mouth as this is such an experience to behold and cherish. Even though your cum was such a waste considering how you just sprayed the concrete wall instead of maybe letting herself taste your succulent, long-awaited seed but nonetheless, it was an euphoric experience you’ll never forget and with such exhaustion, you pulled out of the valley of her thick, meaty thighs as she turned around, and initiated another kiss as she felt delightful with her needs sustained by you.

“Fuck—I’m sorry ‘bout that, Shiro. I can’t help it and I should’ve let you taste it—”

“No, it’s fine, honestly. I never thought a real cock would feel that good, and it feels kinda weird but good too.”

You laughed as you caressed her hair, emanating a smile that became contagious as you reassured her, “We’ll probably get used to this but for now, I think we need to get out of here…”

Mashiro realizes that the both of you are somewhat, still in a public place as you dressed your bottom-half up and hurriedly fixed yourselves as you prepare to come down and to do such things the both of you had been longing for.

What day to remember, this is… and it’s still not done as the night is still young…

---

“Fuck, baby—go harder on my thighs!”

“Of course, Shiro—fuck, you’re so hot…”

And it was later fulfilled as the both of you became so derived onto the profound lust earlier that you needed to attend to each other’s needs again, and this time, it’s better since everything is just going according to plan.

Just as how the both of you liked it: against the mirror, Mashiro’s back arched as you fuck her thighs recklessly from behind and as the cherry on top, her ahegao face and her expression that further sends your arousal into oblivion. The pace was incredibly and pleasurably fast, executed with such techniques that furthers makes the best for the both of you and not just some any dumb and fast ones—the further alteration of fast strokes and then succumbing onto a sluggish pace is what makes this better.

Mashiro’s cheeks are now filled with your handprints, skin’s a shade of a familiar rosy hue as every spanks delivers such erotic moans right from her mouth. She was now long-lost with your control, fully submitting onto her own animalistic urges as she encourages you onto upping the pace, to further chase another orgasm. She squeezes her thighs oh-so-tightly around your cock, suffocating it and giving you the maximum pleasure you could attain and probably, foreshadowing the possible tightness of her pussy in which, will be attended in no time but for now, you gotta let her know how great your hips are when ensuing such mind-blowing thrusts.

The constant rhythmic contact of your skin orchestrate such genre of music that no one could possibly define, maybe close as an erotic soundtrack but it’s more—it’s a state of bliss; a lustful trance to treasure and succumb into and you’re just onto that trance with no point of turning back.

There wasn't much talking (more of just moans, groans and whines) as actions speak louder than words, the oscillation of your hips manifesting such divine bliss that benefits the both of you and your needs. You could definitely feel how close you are, again and no one can blame you because with these godlike, perfectly-thick thighs and the softness of it can make anyone succumb onto it and shower it with affection because of how perfectly sculpted it is. Gladly, you’re the only one who can utilize this gift and you’re not planning on giving it away—only you.

“F-fuck, Shiro—I’m going to cum, again—fuck!”

“Spray it all over the mirror, baby. Come on, cum for me—blow your thick, creamy load all over my thick thighs and onto the mirror, please—please cum—”

With your harsh grip on her hips and one, last harsh spank, you bury your whole length onto the warm valley of her thighs as you erupt multiple shots of semen onto the mirror, making it splatter all over the reflective object as it drips down eventually. Without even commanding her to kneel down, she does it ahead of what you’re thinking, as she seductively swirl and lick her tongue all over it, collecting every semen sample on the mirror and not wasting anything, not even a single drop. With her half-naked body knelt down, licking the mirror clean like she’s not having enough of a five-star meal and licking her plate for further conclusive delightment and that alone, makes you throb even more. After she’s done, she stood up and then showed her tongue that was filled with cum and will one, single gulp, it was all gone and now onto her stomach.

“Fuck—that tasted good, baby.”

Smiling from her complimentary advances, she’s missing one thing and you’re more likely to address it now, knowing she’ll ultimately fulfill what you’re going to command her.

“Don’t you mind cleaning my cock?”

“Oh yes, absolutely. I’m dying to taste your delicious dick, again.”

She parts her lips onto your tip, and up to the base, licking it clean as no cum remains uncollected with her talented tongue and with just little time, she pulled out of your length, showing you her masterwork—your length is now crystal-clear, shining with her saliva emanated thanks with the dim lights from above. Standing up, you pinned against the wall and whispered into her ear, painting a smirk on your face, “We’re just getting started, Shiro.”

“I know, baby—then make me yours for the night. There’s still plenty of time to do everything we may think of…”

#kinknuary 2024 #kep1er smut #sakamoto mashiro smut #mashiro smut #kep1er x male reader #sakamoto mashiro x male reader #mashiro x male reader

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mitsies · 6 months

Text

❊ miss americana & the heartbreak prince - itoshi sae . . from one formal to the next, everything works out one way or another

your first junior high dance is in the company of your best friend, itoshi sae.

you had to try hard to convince him to go. really, really try to convince him. and you had to get his mom in on it, too, that's how hard you had to try. he was content to stay at home in those stupid little red basketball shorts that he either 1), never washed or 2), had 7 pairs of, binging sports highlights and discussing things you don't care all that much about on the couch.

but this night was special, you'd insisted. it was the very first dance of the very first year as official junior high students. you were both 11, practically ancient, and how boring would it be to stay home when there were adventures to be had? and besides, you had a plan. tonight, you were going to tell your best friend since diapers that you had a super-uber-mega crush on him, and maybe give him a hug after (if you were feeling bold.)

you have it all planned out. after finally managing to convince him to come to the dance with you, you'll steal him away from your friend group and take him to the hallway next to your maths class, where no one ever goes. and then, you'd tell him about how mieko told you that mai told her that akane told her that keiko told her that she thinks he likes you back, and then you'd ask if it was true. and then he'd say, 'oh my gosh, yes, i love you,' and then high-five you, and then you'd be boyfriend and girlfriend. because that's how it works, right?

well, you made it halfway-ish. and to say that is just to say you managed to force him to the dance and sneak him off into the side hallway. oh, he looks cute. he's shorter than you but that's fine because he'll get taller before you guys get married. and his hair is gel-slicked and looks kind of silly, and you know it's his mom's doing. his suit is frumpy and ill-fitting and he's wearing cleats instead of dress shoes because that's just how junior high boys are.

he's been grumpy all day, as per usual. but you keep catching him staring at you. and he keeps doing that little tiny smile-ish thing that he does, where he smiles a little but not a lot so he just looks constipated instead. and oh, you're in bad luck, because as soon as you're in that maths hallway and the music from the dance goes muffled and it's just him, and it's just you, you seem to forget everything you've planned to say.

"what did you want to tell me?" uh-oh. uh-oh, this is bad. oh, it's so bad. your best friend since diapers, your future husband, the one person you could never get sick of, was going to think you were an absolute idiot. how embarrassing! how embarrassing, oh no.

"uh," you can't meet his eyes, and choose to fiddle with your fingers instead, pulling at your sloppily painted nails (green to match his eyes, like asami had insisted), "well— um, i actually— i just— to.. um."

wow, this was lame. you're 11 now, where is your class? where is your wisdom? oh, how humiliating. "i just—"

"you like me."

you pause. you stare. he stares back, and his expression goes from that same old neutral to that silly little stupid kinda-smile. and then, panic sets in.

"oh, haha! i do? who told you that? who? no seriously, who? or, or, what made you think that? why do you think that? i— i don't like— or, well, i don't not— no, stop, stop, actually. who told you? was it akane? oh, i knew akane was a snitch! ignore her. ignore this. i mean, unless you— but. hey, it's—"

"so you do, or don't?"

this was sae. this was itoshi sae, and this was how he's always been. no-nonsense, straight-froward, abrasive, blunt. all hard around the edges but so, so soft at the center like those really good cookies they sell at the cafeteria. only for you, usually, and his baby brother, and that was pretty much is.

sometimes you forget just how much you like him. it's a lot, you like him a lot. so, so much. he's the same boy who meets you on the side of the curb when you call him crying from the home phone, because your parents are angry again. he's the boy who will spend forever with you working on your maths homework when you're having a hard time understanding. he's the boy who will split a cafe cookie with you after he sees you in the stands of one of his games. oh, he's that boy. he's the boy you super-mega-ultra liked, and maybe-kinda-sorta loved a little teensy tiny bit. you exhale.

"i do."

your voice is small. your hands twist together anxiously and you can't do anything but stare at the floor. and in your peripheral vision, you see little red cleats take a hesitant step closer, and closer, and then— a hand lands on top of yours.

oh, it's sae's. oh, he's holding your hand.

well, not really. but it's close enough, and you look up and his cheeks are rosy and he looks like an angel, oh lord, he's so cute you might be sick. all he says is, "good. me too, or something."

the very first middle school dance of the year is where itoshi sae stops being just your best friend, and becomes your boyfriend. and that word changes meaning over time— years go by. somewhere in that mess, there's a tentative kiss, and a whole lot of 'i love you's' and a dozen more firsts, all with each other, all with a world of love. awkward pre-teens go to teenagers. how lucky you are, that mieko told you that mai told her that akane told her that keiko told her that she thinks he likes you back. because she was right after all.

it's your boyfriend who asks you to prom. and you’re mad at him, but you say yes anyways.

it’s the first time you’ve seen him in weeks. prom night is the same night he flies back in from spain for the holidays, and coincidentally, the first time he’s talked to you for more than 20 minutes. you pick him up from the airport in your dress, and he’s in his suit. you’ve already missed your dinner reservations— you’re trying not to care. but this was your senior year. and you were so, so excited. the restaurant was his favourite kind of food, and it was in an aquarium, and reservations were hard to get, and he had caused you to miss them because his flight was delayed.

you know it's selfish. you know, because how could you not know? how was it his fault that the weather in spain was so poor that he was forced to wait at the airport longer than expected? how was it his fault that it just so happened to rain? but the evil, burning, and bitter side of your heart replies: it's his fault he was gone in the first place. it's his fault he was in spain and not by your side, to begin with.

normal 18-year-old couples don't have to take a 16-hour flight just to see each other, your anger says. and you know it's right.

when itoshi sae, at 13, told you he was going to be a star, you hardly believed him. actually, you recall your own incredulous laugh, and that cute way the space at the corner of his eyes wrinkle when he's annoyed. you didn't believe him, but then less than a year later he was gone to spain hellbent on becoming the best.

he used to call you every night for hours. as often as he could, he'd call or text. and he'd talk to you in the way that he only talked to you. with a softness. with a tender kind of love. the infinite kind. and whenever he got the chance to fly back, he would, to spend time with you and rin and his parents, but mostly you (as he'd tell you after he made you swear not to snitch). he used to love you, and act like it.

but as years blurred past, and he got taller (not by much) and you both grew older (not by a lot), things shifted. changed. spun in a circle and landed facing the opposite direction. he called you less. sometimes, when you called him, he'd not pick up even though you knew he was free. and he visited less, and he stopped talking to rin but wouldn't say why. sometimes when you'd visit his mother, you'd see rin stealing glances at you from the curves and corners of the house. he stopped saying hi to you a while ago, too.

you drive to your senior prom in near silence. there's some music playing on the radio— nothing either of you had put on, just the default top hits of 2017— and no one says anything and you think that might be better. because you're thinking about the way he used to buy him and his little brother ice cream on really hot days with his very own pocket money, and you think if you hear his voice you might start ugly crying and ruin your makeup. and then you think about how it's your senior prom, and you're about to cry, and your boyfriend can't even look at you, and oh, you're holding back tears all over again.

the first thing he says to you that night is, "i was about to do that," when you open the car door by yourself. you are so, so angry. but you just smile like you're not, because it's not his fault you resent his leaving. it's not his fault you miss his mom and brother but can't visit anymore without it being awkward. it's not his fault he's gone, and it's not his fault he acts like he hates you. it's not his fault but you despise him so, so much.

he puts a hand on your waist as he walks you towards the venue— some stupid country club kind of thing, you didn't care enough to read anything but the address. his touch feels wrong— it didn't always. but these hands are rough, and you don't recognise them. you stop walking.

all around you, everyone keeps moving. there are girls in frills and pretty, glittery, long dresses. suits and ties, and the smell of cologne, and the floral perfume. it's dark out, now. and the people aren't walking into the building— they're leaving. you catch someone's watch out of the corner of your eye. you've missed your senior prom.

"what's wrong?" sae's voice hardly registers. you feel the tears fall.

"we missed it."

"hm?"

you turn to him. he looks like he couldn't care less. and you abhor him.

"we missed the dance."

sae blinks. his eyes are blank— maybe they've always been. maybe when you were 11, you were too dumb to see. maybe he's always hated you, you think, because he replies, "oh. back to the car?"

and you're really crying now, because he doesn't even care.

you can't manage words, not until he speaks for you. "don't cry. it was just some stupid school dance."

you wonder what this looks like to people. a boy, looking like he couldn't care less. and you, makeup streaked with tears, like your world just collapsed.

"did you really care that much?"

"did i care?" your voice comes out mangled, "did i care?"

he looks startled at your reaction, the most emotion he's shown tonight. you continue:

"of course i cared that much. of course i did. because how long ago was our last date? the last time we did anything together? the last time you could look me in the eyes? of course i care. not about this stupid dance," you're out of breath, but you continue, "i care about you. you, i care about you."

he looks the same amount of placid, and the same amount of blank. and you'd cry harder if it didn't hurt so bad. he says nothing so all there's left to ask is, "but do you even care about me? do you care anymore?"

his face betrays nothing. and you're taken back to juvenile days, and ice cream and sun, and soccer practice after school, and annoying little brothers and love notes in lockers. and you think that this is not the same boy you loved. and you don't know where that boy went, but he's not here, he's not the one standing in front of you staring instead of holding you while you cry.

and he doesn't look the least bit sorry.

you knew the answer to his question before it even came out of your mouth. maybe you've known for years. maybe you just had blind faith in him, and your aquarium-restaurant reservations, and a stupid, cheesy, lame high school dance that you couldn't care less about to prove that there was still a tiny bit of hope. but it'd just shown you that there was nothing left.

you feel like a set of bones beneath a dress. you feel like a ghost in a crowd of people. you feel like a spectacle, you feel insane. you must look it, too. maybe you are. there is a coldness to sae's voice when he finally speaks. a coldness that is new. that you haven't heard before. you're scared.

"are you done yet?"

you're not crying anymore. you're just feeling strange.

you hate how you care about how sae's going to get home when you leave him standing there and walk back to your car. your shoes— bought just for today— tap on the pavement. the shoes and your heartbeat. your car's engine. the doors slamming shut. people laughing outside. the radio's top hits of 2017. that's all you hear, that's all. and when you get home and turn your car off, you sit in the driver's seat and cry.

you can hear all your thoughts. you can hear the ugly desperate cries clawing your throat raw like an animal. mascara-stained teardrops land on your dress and trickle down your chin, and burn your eyes. you don't know when you lost him. was it when he'd first went to spain? was it when he'd first cancelled a visit back, or hung up the phone? or was it before then? has he ever liked you, or did he only hold your hand back at that middle school dance because he felt like he had to? and your tears taste like melted ice cream and memories, or maybe you're just crazy.

you loved him. did he ever love you?

angry tears. sad ones, too. your hands need to destroy something so they pull and clench and squeeze your legs through the fabric of your dress as you dry-heave. the ache is not empty. it hurts, it burns. your lungs burn. your heart is heavy and hot and disgusting. how you feel is wrong. everything feels wrong.

everything feels wrong, and now you're single on prom night.

what's even left for you, now?

being 21 is weird.

you're all grown up, now. you've got friends, and you have just recently landed a job at a big journalism company while you wrap up university. and today's your first day going out to a company event instead of sitting at a desk all day, and you're so excited.

the event is some kind of gala. you've been told it's to celebrate the opening of a new sports thing that your employers have invested in that you don't really know too much about. and it's not quite your specialty but you'd never miss out on an opportunity to dress up and get a free fancy dinner as a representative for your company, who were big investors. you wonder who'll be there. who are some sports people? actually, what kind of a stadium was this? a baseball field? is that even a stadium?

why were you even invited? you don't have the slightest clue about this investment. but that doesn't matter, because you're there now, stepping out of your company car in a pretty dress that you'd chosen for yourself. you wonder when the last time you've been this dressed up was. maybe your cousin's wedding, when you were 17? or, you think with a twinge of something bitter in your chest, was it your senior prom at 18?

whatever. it doesn't matter. you don't care about that anymore— it was only the night your boyfriend of 7 years essentially told you he didn't love you anymore. no big deal. you were 21 now, and you could do cool things and work, and stuff. how cool is that? how cool are you? too cool to be still caring about your ex-boyfriend. your very handsome, attractive, professional football player ex-boyfriend, who was on the cover of every sports magazine, and the headline of every news channel. you wonder, as you walk in, how many of the people under the roof of the venue know his name. how many who'd probably kill for a signature. you wonder what they'd think if they knew you used to be the one to love him.

pause. why were you thinking about this? you don't care, you definitely don't. you're done caring when he's probably already forgotten your name. god, you're supposed to be 21. you're 21, and you still feel like you're 18. you're 21, and you still feel like you're 11. at what point are you meant to grow up and get over it all?

you shake your head and your older colleague ms. sato gives you an amused look. "something wrong, dear?"

"nothing," you smile at her awkwardly, "just a little nervous. i've never been out on a company event before. who else is going to be here?"

ms. sato tsks and thrums her fingers against the wrinkled skin of her other hand. she's wearing a conservative green velvet dress. you think she looks pretty. "i think more sponsors will be there. and i'm sure they've got some sports folk, too."

you purse your lips. the venue is big, and ornate, you see as you open the door for ms. sato and walk in behind her. red and gold walls, chandeliers, a regal display of wealth that you most definitely could not live up to if you were here on your own dime. and the dining hall is no different. tables with nameplates written in some fancy scrawl that you can barely read spell out your name and ms. sato's name across from each other towards the front of the hall. out of curiosity, your eyes flicker to the seat to your right.

and your heart stops in its chest.

in that same hardly legible font, reads a name that is all too familiar. it's nearly the same as the name you'd scrawled on love letters in junior high, and nearly the same name as the contact you used to text every single day and every night. it's nearly the same name you'd call out at airports, looking, always looking, forever longing to be around him. the name on the nameplate reads 'itoshi rin.'

"are you sure nothing's wrong? you look pale." ms. sato's voice cuts through your thoughts, you clear your throat. "of course. it's nothing, ms. sato."

you pull her chair out for her before taking a seat in your own, as the room starts filling in and someone says something about a prepared meal being served at 8 on the dot, and announcements starting soon after that. you feel frozen in your seat as you fidget with your hands in your lap. you're paralysed with fear, too scared to check if the name next to rin's is sae's. it couldn't be, right? because they fell out. just like you and sae fell out. they wouldn't attend the same event. plus, sae's always thought that events were boring. fancy dances, fancy dinners, they were all the same— all wastes of time. he wouldn't be here.

it hits 8. you think you could maybe handle rin— but he doesn't show. dinner is served, and the two seats to your right remain empty. and you are so, so relieved internally because who are you kidding, you couldn't deal with rin, let alone sae.

you see his face everywhere, and that's enough. magazines, underwear ads, video edits, all of it. his fans are everywhere. like he's some kind of hero, and you guess he is when it comes to football. you wonder who he's kissed since you. unless what was a weird thing to think about your exes. in that case, you don't wonder that at all. and you never have, not for a second.

it's 8:05. still, no one has shown. at 8:10, the owners of the stadium give some speech about investments, and blah blah blah, are you meant to know or care about any of this? because you don't know, and you don't really care. you're much too focused on the food, and the stress, and all that. 8:20, speech is over. 8:30, people start socialising. 8:35, drinks are brought out with a second course. 8:40, with a little champagne in your system, you're feeling pretty good, actually. less nervous, for sure. if rin hasn't shown yet, he isn't going to. and sae? that was basically fully off the table now.

8:45. you feel better than fine, now. 4 champagne flutes down (because ms. sato doesn't drink, but felt bad saying no when they were offered, and she thinks you'd be a funny drunk) and you wonder why you've ever felt nervous in your life, ever. stress was a thing of the past. ms. sato laughs at you when you make a face at something someone annoying and snotty says, and she slaps your back and tells you she's going to the restroom and to make sure you don't die while she's gone.

8:50. the door to the banquet hall must've opened at some point, but you didn't notice until the chair to your right slides out. your heart sinks before you even see him. because itoshi rin, in the flesh, takes the chair next to you.

you haven't seen him in years. not since your 18th birthday, you think— because his mother had made you a cake and forced him to tag along to drop it off for you. he'd told you happy birthday, and you'd teased him about how you remember he used to have big cheesy smiles and bigger cheesier dimples when he was just a little baby, and he'd scowled and told you that he's 15, not some kid. how old was he now? if sae was 21, then rin would be 18. you've seen him places too, on advertisements for some football program, on sellouts for cologne and such. he's made a name for himself. for himself, not his brother and himself. you'd find it in yourself to be proud if you weren't a little drunk and a lot sad.

maybe he catches you staring from the corner of your eye after he sits, because he glances over and does a double take before looking straight ahead like he's in the army and his commanding sergeant's just told him to look alive. you worry at your lip with your teeth. you'll regret this in the morning. "rin? 's that you?"

he stiffens. you try not to giggle, and you think you fail. "yeah."

"i hope this isn't weird. do you remember me?" it's more of a question to yourself than anything. but he answers, because it was said out loud so he probably thought you were talking to him and not to your own brain. hm. maybe you're drunker than you thought.

"yeah." his response is terse and awkward. but then he says your name. and you remember his little voice a hundred times higher, and you remember tears in his big toddler eyes webbing his lashes as he cried your name about a scraped knee. you soften. "i've missed seeing you. how've you been?"

he looks nervous. does he look nervous? or do you just think he looks nervous? he opens his mouth, then closes it, then replies, "good. i didn't know you'd be here."

you smile amicably. oh, you love this boy, love him like he's your sweet little brother even now. "i'm representing my company. they— or, we— are investors. i'm here as my mentor's rubbish bin for food and drinks she doesn't want, basically."

rin snorts. you want to pinch his cheeks. would he be mad if you did? probably. "well, i—"

the seat next to rin's slides out. another full champagne flute is placed in front of you and instead of thanking the waiter, you feel sick to your stomach. junior high dance sick. senior year prom sick. you're sick.

itoshi sae sits one seat away from you.

you're sick, to your stomach. you're silent and stiff and stupid, so stupid, because you thought you were over him. but this is the first time you've seen him in person since the year 2017, when he flew out to be your date to your school's prom, and then flew away that same night and never came back. you down the champagne and close your eyes. you're 21, not 18, not 11, you're 21.

you're 21 and itoshi sae's still got you acting like a fool.

the rest of the dinner is awkward and silent, at least for you. ms. sato shows up and strikes up a conversation with anyone who would listen, and rin listens, and you can't look at sae so you don't know what he's doing. but you can imagine him sitting there, bored. why was he there? rin and him don't talk anymore. or do they? it's been years, after all. you guess they've made up. your stomach churns. ms. sato notices but doesn't say anything, not until after the dinner ends and you practically race out to the company car without another word to rin, just a quick, tight, smile. over his shoulder, before you leave, you see a mess of reddish-brown hair. you think you might be sick. you hope there are barf bags in the car.

"now, dear, what is wrong with you?" a patent red leather handbag slaps your lower back as you wait outside for the driver to show. ms. sato gives you a look.

you blink a few times. "did you just hit me? that hurt, i think."

"answer the question, child."

you wince. "the boy next to me was like, my, like, brother-in-law but not actually."

ms. sato raises a brow. "itoshi rin? the professional football player?"

you nod fervently. "yes. him."

"so.. you used to date itoshi sae?"

you look at her blankly. "how did you know?"

"they're famous, dear."

"oh," you wrinkle your nose, "right."

ms. sato chuckles. "well, we've got time to talk. tell me the story."

and you tell her. you tell her everything, and a little more. about ice cream, and your 18th birthday cake, and his mom, and his hands, and the way he used to love you and the way he just stopped one day. normally, you wouldn't run your mouth like this, you'd like to think. you're more refined. but the drinks you've had are working hard, and your emotions are working harder, and oh, you're a mess. at least you don't look like one tonight.

ms. sato listens patiently. or maybe she's just doing this to laugh at you about it later. but she listens either way. she smiles at some parts and frowns at others. but when you're done vomiting up all your words and all your feelings, she just sighs. "7 years is a long time."

you blink. "yeah. i guess so, yeah."

"and so is 18."

"excuse me?"

ms. sato chuckles. "you said you've known him since you were babies. it ended when you were 18. you said you loved him until you were 18."

"oh. i did. yeah."

"and 21 years is even longer."

now, you're really confused. "21?"

"21. because you've loved him since you were babies, and it never really ended."

oh. oh, okay. you don't know how you feel, not in the slightest. you're confused and you're nervous, and you shouldn't have eaten all that food because now you might actually throw up instead of just feeling like you're going to throw up.

and then someone calls your name from behind you.

the voice is familiar, and you turn without thinking, of instinct. because you'd always go to him, no matter what. and that scares you, and you're even more scared because you haven't seen eyes that blue in forever.

"sae." you try to keep your voice curt and calm. he's in a suit. it's a good one. tailored. and he still looks young, and handsome, and like your lips would fit perfectly against his, and like your hand could feel right holding his, and all that. and you're so, so scared.

ms. sato excuses herself in the background somewhere, and all this is eerily familiar. people in dresses and suits, leaving. cards driving away. your heartbeat in your ears. it's all familiar.

he takes a step closer. you take one back. he stops, stares, and says, "how've you been?"

you know him well. you know this man far, far too well. you recognise the clench of his jaw and the set of his brows. something like determination paints his face. you'd be more confused if you weren't so nauseous.

"good," you test your voice, continuing when you hear it hold steady, "i'm good. and you?"

he opens his mouth to reply. but you open your mouth again. because you can't seem to do anything but run your mouth today, it seems. "actually, i was hoping you wouldn't be here. really, really hoping. because," you laugh, "i did not want to see you today. or ever again, really."

sae's expression would be unreadable to anyone but you. but you can see it. he's hurt. and you laugh again because god, what does he have to be hurt about? you continue, "i was fine with just seeing the magazines, and ads with you half-naked, and all that. and i was fine with hating you for hating me. but now you're here and it's all different and wrong, and i'm so mad at you right now, and i was fine an hour ago before i even knew you were going to be here. i was so fine."

he blinks. "are you drunk?"

snorting laughter, you turn your head. you can't look at him. you can't tell how you're feeling anymore. "sure i am. the drinks were free."

his eye creases in a tiny smile and you'd swoon if he wasn't the same person who'd broken your heart after he'd held it in the palm of his hand.

you wonder what he's going to say. would he tell you you're being dramatic and making a scene? that one was likely. would he sue you?maybe. maybe he'd kick you. maybe you'd throw up on him. maybe he'd cry. you smile a little— you'd like that, actually. would be funny. you'd enjoy it.

"i'm sorry."

you must be making a face. you must look confused, or disgusted, or disgruntled, because he explains, "for vanishing."

itoshi sae apologising was not on your list of possible responses. you are at a loss for words. but you find them after a beat of silence, "you're sorry?"

he shifts uncomfortably. "i am."

scoffing, you roll your eyes. "funny."

"i'm serious." sae steps forward again. you don't back away. you can't, and he continues:

"i left you. and that was," he pauses and breathes, "the worst thing i've ever done. every day since then, i've missed you."

sae really hasn't changed, because that's all he says. so blunt, so forward, so harsh. never any room for detail, or explanation. never any time. you're silent so you think he might take that as a cue to keep going.

"i fixed things with rin, too," he says, "and i wish i could say it was out of the kindness of my heart but it was because you always told me i should. you've always made me better. and i—"

"you couldn't stand that." you're so angry. at him, for coming back and apologising like it was all a small deal. you're angry at ms. sato for getting you drunk. you're mad at yourself, for loving him so much even though it's a weak excuse of an apology. "oh, you couldn't stand that i was making you kinder, or better. you never wanted to be good. you've been horrible, always, probably."

and then you stop. "no. no, no, i'm sorry. i don't— i don't think that—"

"it's okay. however you feel about me.. it's okay. you can hate me. it's okay."

and your resolve crumbles.

"i could never hate you," you whisper, "because i love you so much. always have, for so many years and however many days, and i've loved you when you were good or bad or both, or neither, and i'm so mad at you because i never stopped, even when you hurt me. even then."

sae is silent. you are too. people move all around you. they're not listening, they have places to be. because you're 21, and they're all older too. and they have things to do.

"you still love me?"

he sounds quiet, almost. meek, maybe, if that was a thing that he was capable of being. you are doing your best to hold in tears.

"yeah," you say, "yeah, i do."

sae looks at you. "i've never stopped. i never could. i tried. but i never stopped loving you. and i've never been good at showing it, but it's the truth. and i'll be sorry forever, if you'll let me."

this is so unlike him. but people change, and you suppose you've been too separated to know anything as of late. your heart aches. his eyes are still the same. his voice is a little deeper. his shoulders look more broad. you think you're in love again. you think you never stopped being in love. you know it.

"so show me."

and sae kisses you. you hadn't forgotten how good a kisser he is but you think he's gotten better, as his hands find your back and yours take his jaw. maybe he's kissed other people since you. now you're mad again so you kiss him harder, and deeper, and you would usually have more decorum but it's sae and he's famous so if he doesn't care, why should you?

there is so much left unsaid. a hundred things. a million, maybe, a billion. he will spend his life making this up to you. you know he will. but for now, there's no hurt. for now, there is just love that has been cut off for far too long. for the first time in years, you're alive at this moment. you're 11, and 18, and 21, and you're everything that he's loved, and you're everything he's touched, and you are everything to him and you feel it. you deserve this. your blood runs hot, his tongue is in your mouth, you need this. and you love him. you love him to death.

this kiss is the summary of years waiting, and years longing. it's the summative point of ice cream and bike rides, and late night car rides and study dates, and running mascara and lonely nights. this kiss— it's been a long time coming.

flowers chosen: pink camellia & lilac . . longing & joy of youth

❊ send a request! ❊ 5k masterlist ❊ event info ❊

#blue lock x reader #itoshi sae x reader #bllk x reader #bllk sae #blue lock sae #blue lock #sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi #sae x reader #itoshi sae #reader insert #sorry if this is incorrect im not american LOL ik theyre in japan but i kno american school better than japanese system so!!#but im saying football and not soccer and i will die on this hill sorry.#mitsies 5k

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writingforcuteppl · 6 months

Text

Hopeless

PAIRING: Monkey D. Luffy x Reader

SUMMARY: After Usopp left the crew, you knew Luffy wouldn’t like anyone to disturb him, unless it’s you.

GENRE: Angst and fluff

WARNINGS: Established relationship. Mentioned of blood.

WORD COUNT: 595 words

A/N: I promised myself I wasn’t going to write about One Piece until I had my AOT series out, but I watched Usopp leave the crew yesterday, and this is my way to cope because that was heartbreaking, so enjoy!!!

“Hey,” you whispered to Luffy, who was leaning on the fence on the rooftop of the hotel you were staying for the night, wanting to get his attention and also trying hard not to start crying again after watching the dreadful fight Luffy and Usopp had not long ago.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Luffy didn’t even look your way, something that wasn’t normal, at least for him. He always greeted you with a bright smile and sparkly eyes. And it hurt you to see him like this.

Also, this was the first time you ever saw him cry, and you couldn’t bear the thought of that happening again.

“I know, but maybe a little company can help.” You made your way next to him. You didn’t really know how Luffy was going to react in this situation. It’s the first time he not only lost a crewmate but also a friend. It felt like a part of all of you was missing.

“Do you think it was a mistake? Choosing to leave the Merry here?“ Luffy asked, wanting to know your opinion. Even if he was the captain, he knew sometimes he needed common sense from anyone in the crew. He knows he can be reckless sometimes.

“It was your decision, Captain.”

“Please, tell me what you really think. Forget just this time, I’m your captain. And tell me what you think as my girlfriend,” you sighed.

“I don’t know much about ships. I do know our ship holds meaning for all of us. And it holds even more meaning to Usopp. After all, Kaya gave us the ship.” Luffy only nodded. “I also think everything has to come to an end, and if this was the end of the Merry, then I would gladly say goodbye to it with a smile. It was the best ship we could’ve asked for.”

“And the fight..?”

“I also believe that was bound to happen. You heard Usopp. The Merry was just the final straw. He already made up his mind even before you told him about the Merry.”

“I don’t think he’s weaker, that… That’s what he said.”

“ I think-“You stayed in silence before correcting what you were going to say, “No, I’m sure no one thinks like that, Luffy. Which makes me think everything that happened today with the Franky Family made him think so poorly of himself.” Without even realizing it, Luffy wrapped his arms around you, holding you in his warm embrace. You hugged him back, letting him know you were there for him. Your hands made their way to his hair, and you started to caress it.

As you felt Luffy’s tears wet your shirt, you tried to think of a life where the crew wouldn’t have Usopp, and it made your heart ache. If it hurt you like this, you can’t imagine how bad this affected the others, let alone Luffy.

“I swear I didn’t want it to escalate so quickly,” he cried softly, and you tried to calm him down by patting his head.

“I know that everything seems to be crumbling down, and you feel hopeless. Unfortunately, I believe all of us feel this way. This was a long day. But believe me when I say everything will be alright, Luffy.”

“How?”

“I really don’t know how, but everything seems to resolve somehow. One way or another,” Luffy’s hold became stronger as if he didn’t want you to go. Fearing you would also leave him. “No matter what happens, I will never leave you, Luffy.”

“Promise?”

“Promise”

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

n a v i g a t i o n

#luffy #monkey d luffy #luffy x reader #monkey d luffy x reader #luffy fluff #monkey d luffy fluff #luffy angst #monkey d luffy angst #one piece #one piece fluff #one piece angst #one piece imagines

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macsimagines · 10 months

Text

Ex-boyfriend & Yandere!Ran Haitani

(This is my best one guys i really like it. Please tell me what you think my ask box is open!!! Ms.Mac)

TW: Stalking, gaslighting, abuse, murder Unhinged behavior

Leaving Ran wasn't easy. He never took you seriously when you kept trying to tell him you were done.

Would still show up at your place demanding sex or somewhere to crash after partying too hard.

Its like he wasn't letting you break up with him. You kept trying to make it clear you were over it and he'd just reel you back in with empty promises and sweet lies.

But then he'd go and be an asshole and smack your ass infront of his friends or call you mean names...flirt with other girls in front of you...

You're done officially. You don't even tell him in person, just shoot him a text and move out of your apartment and out of Roppongi.

You choose to block him on all platforms, change your number, you're literally cutting out every piece of him.

Of course, you're not that lucky. It only takes a week or two but he eventually shows up at your apartment demanding to know what shit you think your pulling now.

A fight ensues, you yell and he yells then you're crying and he really thinks he's slick when he tries to hug you. But you shove him away and tell him you want out of this relationship.

The way he looks at you after that is down right unsettling, but he asks you for sex. He really does ask you for "one more unforgettable night." to seal the deal.

Despite all the red flags in your gut, you cave. Anything to get rid of Ran Haitani forever.

Its great. Its actually some of the best sex of your life. It leaves a giant hole in your chest though.

You tell him no kissing, and he actually looks like he might cry, but if he can't kiss your lips he's kissing every other part of you. He treats you like an actual partner. The way he caresses your body burns from how soft it is and the way he whispers about how much he loves you and can't live without you makes you want to cry.

You just want him to fuck you and get it over with, but, the bastard, decides that for the first time during your last time he'll actually treat you like a lover.

When it's all finished Ran lays with you for an hour. You're turned away from him waiting for him to just leave. "This it then? You ain't got shit to fuckin' say to me?"

Fighting back tears you nod. This was a mistake. You can tell from the tone in his voice.

He leans in real close right above your ear and whispers; "You're never gonna have someone like me, you'll never find what we have again. I'm gonna make sure of it, Y/N."

When he finally goes he slams the door behind him and everything in the apartment rattles with the force of it.

And you lie awake that night in fear and heartbreak because you know Ran meant what he said.

It's months before you feel normal again, you've got this weird pit in your stomach that someone's watching you and at night you can feel eyes while you sleep. Things disappear from your apartment and you're starting to feel paranoid.

But eventually your friends convince you its all in your head. Soon you start going out again and trying to meet people.

Keyword trying. It's always one date and then they ghost you, you can't even get a hookup. Maybe people can tell you have too much baggage.

Finally in desperation you go out to a bar. You've got an itch and you're hoping at least one stupid fling will officially make you move on from Ran Haitani.

You meet someone and you're too drunk to care what he looks like, you don't care that his cologne is so pungent it makes you wanna gag, you don't care that he's not even going to take you to a love hotel he's just got you in an alley, you don't care that it's not Ran.

His lips are on your neck and you close your eyes. You try to picture a handsome man, maybe an idol you saw on TV but that doesn't help at all. You pray to god he just finishes quickly but then thankfully you don't feel his lips on your skin.

For one blessed second you hope he lost interest and just left you alone. But when you open your eyes you see a literal ghost.

You almost don't recognize him with his hair dyed and cut so short but its... Ran Haitani.

He's on top of the man beating him to death. The sickening sound of his fists hitting bloodied wet skin is resonating in the alley way.

You can't even stutter out one word too terrified and shocked at the sight before you. Ran has never looked this way before. Just a snarl on his face and his eyes wide and crazed.

When he's done, after the other man has stopped making any noise, dear god is he dead, he looks at you. His eyes are blood red and unfocused. His whole body is shaking but he stumbles towards you on unsteady legs.

Finally, you get your senses a little too late, You try to make a run for it but he's grabbing you and shoving you against the wall. His bloody hands on either side of your face looking you dead in the eyes.

You get a good look at him, the hair isn't the only thing that's changed he doesn't look like he's slept in weeks.

"That's fuckin' it, Y/N," he whispers, voice cracking, "Thats enough, no more of this breakup shit. You hear me, Y/N? DO YOU FUCKIN' HEAR ME?"

You nod, frantically. Tears streaming down your face. You're shaking too scared to fight back.

"Fuckin' cheating. Never thought you would baby, can't believe you'd do this me." He holds you tight in a hug the blood all over him smearing on you as well.

"My own fault. Should'a stuck by closer. You needed the attention, my own fuckin' fault." he kisses the side of your head and you can barely breath with how tight he's holding you.

"Shaking like a leaf. Fucker scared you. He got what he deserved, touchin' you like that. Pretty baby."

You're shivering and sniffling because Ran is what's scaring you, but you don't dare tell him that with his deranged rambling.

"I'll do better, baby, I'll treat you good this time. No one's gonna take you from me..."

Darkness fills your vision and you realize that Ran just knocked you out. Before you're completely unconscious you hear him say something he's only ever said once or twice.

"I love you..."

#yandere ran haitani #yandere tokyo revengers #yandere ran haitani smut #yandere tokyo revengers smut #ran haitani #ran haitani scenarios #ran haitani headcanons #ran haitani smut #ran haitani x reader #ran haitani x y/n

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fuckyeahizzyhands · 5 months

Text

youtube

Con O'Neill interview with Awards Radar's Steven Prusakowski 😭😭😭❤❤❤

SP: Busy time of year, but, you know, starting to slow down in just enough to hang out with the family and do all the cooking for, like 48 hours and then.

Con: Are you the main cook in the house?

SP: I am the main cook.

Con: Yeah. So am I. I love it.

SP: I love it, too.

Con: It's my go to place.

SP: Yeah.

Con: Because when I left school, I trained to be a chef.

SP: Oh, wow.

Con: Briefly. Another story.Okay, let's rock and roll.

SP: Well, that passion never leaves you, I think. I think once you start, especially when someone enjoys and says, hey, I really liked your food.I hear from my daughter's friends or their parents, she loved your pasta or whatever it was, I'm like, okay, now I'm...

Con: It's the best feeling, isn't it?

SP: It is. It's wonderful.

Con: And just that kind of inherent, nurturing thing of just going into the kitchen empty handed and coming out with a meal for people is really rewarding. And I love it. It's intoxicating. I absolutely love it.

SP: Same here.

Con: Because I travel so much, I don't always get a place with a kitchen. And that's why I always try and get an apartment when I'm filming because it just gives me a place to be in my head that isn't about work.

SP: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can talk cooking forever, but-

Con: But we should.

SP: I know we're short on time and I have a ton of questions and I won't get to all of them. So let's just jump into the series and maybe we could pick it back up. Sorry to interrupt, but I love the series. I love your character and your performance.

Con: Thank you.

SP: It's a stellar, and there's so much to Izzy that we see on the surface, but there's so much more to him beneath. How was this character originally pitched you and what did you initially want to bring to him?

Con: The thing about this character was he wasn't in the pilot. So when I spoke to David about it, there was nothing written. So he explained it in very broad terms. But then I quite like specifics when I'm choosing projects. And kind of... he brought up Salieri from Amadeus, and I really hooked into that. Now, I don't know whether we went that way with it in the end, but it was a really good hook for me because Salieri is that guy with a mission who is on the surface wanting, but is underneath something else. And I think initially, Izzy was that, but then we exploded him in several other ways and Salieri diminished to something else. But it was a good hook for me

initially to get in by thinking about Salieri.

SP: Yeah, I like it. I could see that for sure. And to start the season two. So going into that, he's a shadow of himself from this feared, intense, strong man to a broken man. And what was it like taking this character and exposing that humanity and starting to peel away some of that shield.

Con: I mean... David had spoken to me before we started shooting and explained most of the hulk to me, and I'd always played Izzy as a man who was in love but didn't know he was in love. And for me, the key into this season was a. the design, but more importantly, was the Taika's performance. To see a man that I love to be that broken and to be that vicious because of the heartbreak, it was profound for me to see what he did with Blackbeard, and it did break my heart a little bit. So the emotional journey was quite clear that at the end of the day, all hatred of Stede had left him, and all he wanted to do is fix Blackbeard, and he risks his life to do that. He literally puts himself on the line for that because, like always. And what I loved about what David and the writers did was they didn't remove Izzy from season one in season two, he's still there. And what Izzy does is about the crew. He puts his life on the line because Blackbeard is killing his crew, and he risks it all for that. But it breaks him seeing the the man he loves so fragile and broken and angry, it breaks him. So, It wasn't an easy job. It was quite a lonely job. It was quite a difficult job because it was going down that path that I knew inevitably we were going to go down. But I thought it was beautifully written. So most of what I needed to do was on the page, to be honest-

SP: -I'm sorry-

Con: I just had to throw myself into it.

SP: Excellent. And then with Izzy being broken and literally broken, he loses his leg, which is symbolic of much more. It leads to one of the most touching moments of the series, a note with four words: For The New Unicorn. What did that mean to you, and what does that mean to the character?

Con: You know, I've been talking a lot last couple of days - because I'm allowed to now - and, you know, this season is about Izzy coming out. In many ways, he comes out, but that moment, that rest, that beautiful piece of writing again, the writing, where the crew embrace him, and it just releases him. It releases him from his own concept of who he is. It releases him from his own concept of who he has to

be to be a first mate and a brilliant first mate. It released him of concept that he's alone. None of this would have been possible to Izzy pre season one, none of it. And in many ways, it's Stede that brings this into his life. Because before Stede, Izzy never thought of his relationship with Blackbeard as a loving relationship. He never thought of it as being in love. He only realizes he's in love with Blackbeard when he sees Blackbeard lose Stede. That's the only... The reveal is he's heartbroken because the man he loves is broken, and he doesn't know what to do with any of that. He's not emotionally capable. And the crew giving him the letter and calling him the new unicorn and releasing him from all the stuff that he'd done, all that pain that he'd suffered and anger that he'd raged upon them, it's a really accepting moment. So... yeah, I'm waffling a bit now, but it meant a lot, and it was a very beautiful moment to play. And I thought Andy, who directed it, directed it so...Andy was a real shoulder for me to lean on in those scenes, because a lot of those early scenes I'm shooting on my own. And it's quite difficult to play an emotional narrative when you're on your own, because it tends to just be one tone. And he was wonderful, and Alyssa and Alex and all. They were all wonderful in helping me gauge those moments, as were the rest of the cast. But, yeah, that moment touched me enormously.

SP: You know, you have this love triangle that is never really spoken, but it's there.

Con: Yeah

SP: Then it kind of shifts - it's almost like a love square. It's Ed, Blackbeard, Izzy and Stede. And where the love, you know, crosses, it's all... or the hatred is at sometimes, but then it evolves...

Con: Absolutely.

SP: It's so complex.

Con: I mean we all're in contemporary language. We always associate love with romance. That isn't the case here. The love that Blackbeard and Izzy have for each other is deep, man. It's deep, and it's rooted in years of working together, loving each other, saving each other's lives, being constant. This is probably the only constant they both had in their lives, is Blackbeard is Izzy, Izzy is Blackbeard, and then they have this buffoon come in and steal Blackbeard's heart. It's not that Blackbeard falls in love with someone else. Blackbeard falls in love with this guy. This Izzy just can't comprehend, and it's a constant. And then once, I think once Blackbeard hands him the gun, everything changes. And Blackbeard says, kill yourself. Everything changes. And then there's an openness to Stede and Blackbeard that brings him to that place of acceptance-

SP: -It's great to watch also. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Con: No, that. I mean, I'll waffle again. I'll waffle a lot, because that's what I do. But the more I think about that relationship, the more I go down all these different avenues of what it could have been, and what it could never have been, and what it is and what it wasn't. And as you say, it's layered and complex, and I'm honored to have been able to get to play with those actors, and especially with Taika, who's a profoundly good actor - everyone talks about Taika's director and writer - the man's a fucking great actor to work opposite, and he's... he's exquisite. So, yeah, I could only go where I went because the writers and Taika. Really.

SP: That's great. I... of course, we have to touch upon the end of the season and the end of Izzy, unfortunately, which I'm hoping is not. I'm hoping David has something up his sleeve. But what was your reaction when you learned it and how emotional was shooting that final scene? Because that final scene says a lot between...

Con: It was a... listen, I've been around a long time. The writing was on the wall when I started to read the scripts, and David had kind of hinted at it anyway when we went out for the famous dinner where he told me what the plan was, and I was gutted because I loved playing him so much. But, yeah, narratively, yeah, it makes sense. And I have complete faith, respect, love, admiration for David Jenkins, and whatever he thinks or wants to happen in season three will be the right thing if he gets season three, which I, whether I'm involved in it or not, I really hope he gets it, because he deserves it. And the show deserves it. The show deserves its triangle. It deserves it. But, yeah, it took a few days to sink in, and then I was fine. I was incredibly tired by that time. And I was lonely, as... really lonely because I was so far away from home filming all these scenes, and I tended to isolate when I was filming because of the nature of the work. So when I wasn't filming, I was sword training, or I was working out, or I was learning to walk on that fucking leg, or I was whatever whatever whatever. So I found myself isolating a lot. And in a way, it was a relief to be released from it. The final scene David had sent to me several weeks earlier. And I prepped, as I always do, and I prepped and I prepped and we were going to shoot at the beginning of the last week, and then it got shifted to the middle of the last week, and then it got shifted to the morning of the last day, and then it was shifted to the last thing we were going to shoot in the entire season. And there's always a dark cloud around those scenes because you never quite know how it's going to play. And there's a lot of pressure. And it being the last thing we were going to shoot, put more pressure on. And we were on the ship, which is a huge set, hundreds of crew members, the cast, everyone who could possibly be there was there. And I was getting quite unsettled by the amount of cacophony of noise and people. And then we rigged it all up, and it was still just [noise]. And then suddenly it was just me and Taika and just saying goodbye to a character we both fell in love with. And it was... it was a, I'm saying 'profound' a lot, but it was a profound experience doing that scene because everything else disappeared. It was just me and him. It was just Izzy and Blackbeard. And it was a lovely lovely moment.

SP: It was painful, but-

Con: It was lovely to be held by-

SP: -beautiful to watch.

Con: Yeah. Thank you. I mean, it's lovely to be held by another actor just... creatively and likewise with me to him. And David had a playlist playing and it was... elegant to do. It was nice to do. It was a nice, fitting ending to that chapter of this character. And I'll always be grateful that they shot it in that way.

SP: I do have to wrap. I just want to say before we do, I really enjoyed your rendition of La Vie En Rose. fantastic.

Con: Thank you.

SP: That's beautiful. And I appreciate all the work you did in the series, and I hope we see you again. And hopefully maybe you'll have a cooking show too, along the way, because I'd love to see what you make in that kitchen.

Con: Come on and let's bake together. Oh, I can't bake. I'll cook. It's lovely l ovely talking to you, Stephen.

SP: Great talking to you as well. Have a great day.

Con: Thank you. Bye bye.

SP: Thank you.

#our flag means death spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd #con o'neill #izzy #izzy hands #con interview #interview #2ep8 #ofmd spoilers #season 3 #video transcript #david jenkins #taika waititi #blackbeard #stede #Youtube

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heaven4lostgirls · 8 months

Text

Never Enough (S.R)

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warning: angst, allusion to breakup, Steve chooses Sharon over reader.

summary: Steve leaves you, thinking you’ll wait for him.

word count: 1.3k

a/n: I’ll be honest, this isn’t my best work, but I thought why not get something out because I’m pretty sure the next chapter of mr americana and the heartbreak prince will be a little delayed cus I have so much work to do but I hope this tides you over until them lmao.

part 1, part 2, part 3

“Steve, I swear to god if you walk out that door, we’re done” you say as tears run down your face. It’s radio silent in the Avenger’s compound as Steve stands in front of you about to leave because Sharon had called him because of an ‘emergency.’ After she had found out that you were Steve’s girlfriend, she found ways to come in-between the both of you and somehow, she was succeeding. This was your third fight about Steve just leaving out of nowhere when she called for him, you don’t know how much of this you had in you.

“Don’t be dramatic y/n” he rolls his eyes, “we’ve been over this, she’s just a friend” he says, and you cross your arms over your chest. “Steve, how many times do I need to tell you that she is not just a friend to you? A month ago, she wanted to get into your pants” you raise your voice and Steve’s expression only grows more annoyed, “She doesn’t want me like that anymore!” he says, your expression grows even more annoyed. “If you step a foot out of that door Steve, I won’t be here when you get back” you threaten him and watch as he hesitates before he says,

“She needs me y/n” he pleads with you and tears if frustration line your eyes at his words. “What about me?!” you cry out at him incredulously, “she! Is not your girlfriend Steve! I am!” you throw your hands in the air as tears run down your face in silence and watch as Steve’s irritated demeanour breaks “I’m going y/n, we can talk about this when I get back” he says and slides a hand down his face in exasperation. “Steven Grant Rogers, don’t you dare” you threaten as he again walks to the door. “I’m sorry y/n, I’ll be back” he rushes to the door as he feels his phone buzz again.

As soon as the door to your shared room closes. You’re sliding down the wall as you sob uncontrollably, why was it so easy for him to pick her? Why did he pick her? Why were you never enough?

The rest of the Avengers stand outside your door, hearing your heartbreaking sobs is enough for tony to get Friday to unlock your door before he crouches down next to you, letting you wrap your arms around him and sob into his shirt. “Why wasn’t I enough?” you cry and Tony’s eyes mist over at your heartbroken whisper, he shakes his head as he rubs your back “you are perfect” he whispers as he kisses your forehead. Tony had always been like a father figure to you since you had joined the Avengers, a little older than Peter, he had taken you both under his wing and taught you everything you needed to know.

As much as it hurt all the Avengers to see you so broken, it hurt Tony that much more that this was the one source of pain he couldn’t protect you from. As your anguished sobbing turned into small sniffles, Tony lifts your head and wipes your nose with his sleeve, “eugh” he makes a face and smiles at the small laugh you produce.

You loom around the room to see Peter, Bucky, Sam, Natasha, Bruce, and Wanda all standing or sitting in different parts of the room, watching you with sad gazes, you know they’ve probably already heard the entire fight and you find yourself collecting yourself before you stand up with the help of Tony to look at all of them, “I cant stay here” you admit to them. Their faces fall as they realise that this isn’t your usual fight with Steve and by him choosing to check on Sharon instead of staying with you, he’s lost his place in your life.

Some nod solemnly and other eyes mist over yet they all share an overall agreement knowing that they are willing to do whatever they need to help you heal. It’s surprisingly Tony who voices what everyone else is thinking, “do you not want to wait to hear what he has to say?” he asks softly as you lean on his chest. You shake your head as tears begin to fill your eyes again. “I asked- “your voice breaks, “I begged him to stay” you tell them and watch as sympathy floods their faces.

Wanda and Natasha are the first one’s moving in order to get you out of there, they give everyone tasks so that you have some breathing room, Tony is organizing a safe house out of state while Sam and Bucky are working on getting a plane and pilot to fly you to it. Peter is making food and trying to stock up the house with groceries for the near future and Nat is overseeing his orders to make sure he doesn’t put just junk food on it.

Whist everything around you is moving faster than you can imagine for you to be out of the compound before Steve gets back, which according to Bucky is in the next hour, You and Wanda spend time packing your clothes and essentials you’ll need to have. The quiet in the room is comforting even though you can feel the anxiety slowly overcoming you at the idea of finally leaving Steve.

Wanda breaks the silence as she bombards you with a hug, “I could feel your pain, I thought this might help” and it does, Wanda has an aura around her that is so comforting for everyone around her. You both continue packing before you’re interrupted by Bucky knocking on your open door, he smiles sadly, “we’re ready for you” he says and you nod, picking up the two duffel bags lying on the floor, leaving a piece of paper on the bed before you walk out to the quinjet.

Bucky stops you before getting on the plane, as he grasps your arm, he pulls you into a hug and you know this is his way for apologizing for Steve’s behaviour. “it’s not your fault Buck” you whisper, and you feel him nod into the hug, you were both friends through Steve and you knew just how scared he must be in fear of losing you because of what his friend had done.

Peter is next and you can’t help but laugh through your tears as you see him with tears running down his pouting face, he looks like a puppy. “c’mon parker pull it together’ you roll your eyes and pull him into a hug as he sobs, “you do know I’m coming back, right?” you whisper as his sobs stop and he nods and you both giggle together. “we’re ready for take-off” you hear the pilot through the megaphone, and you release peter to walk onto the plane.

As soon as the door opens for you, you hear your voice being called desperately. “Y/N!!” you hear, and everyone turns around to meet Steve’s broken expression. “NO! Please just hear me out!!” he’s screaming through his tears however Bucky holds him back. “No! Stop the plane please! I need to talk to her” he yells and tries to fight off Bucky to get to you, but you ignore him and wipe your cheeks and make you way onto the plane, “NO! Please y/n stop! I’ll be better baby! Just get off the plane please!” his screams are drowned out as you make your way to the couches on the plane and sob.

“Y/N! Please! Let me talk to her! Please someone! Let me talk to her!” his voice becomes hoarse from all the yelling as he watches the plane take off, he doesn’t stop struggling in Bucky’s hold until the plane disappears. “I’m sorry, God I’m so sorry” he cries into his hands before he collapses, crushing your handwritten letter in one hand as he sobs. Bucky lets everyone leave as he sits with Steve on the ground, watching his best friend fall apart on the dark asphalt.

#juliwrites #mcu #steve rogers #steve rodgers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers angst #captain america #steven grant rogers #captain america x reader #captain america x you #captain america x female reader #captain america angst

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mikareo · 5 months

Text

⌗ SEASONS OF LOVE ₊ ˖ ་. a 呪術廻戦 miniseries

“ ࣭⸰ ★ HOPELESS ROMANTIC ; geto x fem reader ⠀ ꒰ . . episode four ! ꒱ . . . word count; 0.9k ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ᯇ leaves are falling, and he is too

⊹ ⠀⠀ with so many love stories on the shelf, geto feels his heart being influenced. if he's going to fall in love with anyone...it's you.

contains; geto suguru x fem reader, university (year 2) au, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, love triangle

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀pm or send ask to join/be removed from taglist,, ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀link to miniseries masterlist

"suguru how do you expect me to read when my heart is in a million pieces?"

he doesn't think he's ever met a person as dramatic as you are.

"these books can't teach me how to get laid."

it's kind of cute, though. annoying...but cute.

with the november breeze sweeping the leaves from every tree on campus, winter is approaching fast and geto feels like your irritation towards gojo is at an overwhelming high. there really isn't anything he can do about it. after all, he wasn't there when you oh-so-spontaneously confessed your undying love for satoru on halloween; to which you received a brutal rejection...this is why geto doesn't date— especially why he doesn't date in a world run by satoru gojo.

now, geto has done his very best at trying to distract you from the devastating heartbreak that comes with loving his best friend. there have many so many girls before you who've tried to get on with him after being ignored by the white haired boy; which is extremely insulting that any of them thought geto would be an easy target or a second option to satoru. when geto does fall in love, he hopes that it'll be with someone who chooses him first. someone who doesn't even consider their other options and believes that he's the only person in the entire world who can fit with their uneven puzzle piece. clearly, gojo isn't the person to fit with yours.

"maybe you just need to sit down and be silent?" he purses his lips in annoyance, trying his best to focus on the words of poetry and rhyme. poems are the language of love. you could take some advice from these lines. "you're talking so much that you're not even enjoying the book."

you groan. "this book is boring. who the fuck reads poetry for fun?"

um. he does.

the glare he sends your way is intimidating, but also gentle. "what would you like to read instead? since you're such an avid reader?"

his sarcasm is meant to be insulting.

a mischievous smile creeps into the corners of your lips; smile likes yours used to scare him as a child after having seen alice in wonderland one too many times. he never understood the other children's fascination with a purple, talking cat. it's just weird. "how about this one!"

the book your present to him isn't anything he's read before. actually, it's something that he hopes to never read ever. "you're kidding."

"dead serious!"

how is a cheesy romance supposed to make you feel better?

"that's just going to make you feel worse, y'know." he gently takes the book from your hands and shuffles through the pages. with his head nodding along to each words his eyes skim, it's painfully obvious that you're going to read this book imagining the male lead to be satoru. "you have such an active imagination, you'll be heartbroken all over again."

with his words, your smile melts and geto knows he's right. "satoru is a lost cause in the romance department." he explains, scooting a little closer to you and rubbing your knee. the two of you have been seated on the floor of the lovely little bookshop near campus for an hour now. you're practically the only two people in the entire store, which has made this fake date feel a little more real. "i promise that you're better off dating anyone other than him."

you don't move away from the comfort of his palm, and instead lean into it; but your words are in defense of gojo. they always are. you can't seem to find it in your heart to let him go— no matter how awful of a rejection. "he's not a bad guy. he just needs a little help learning how to love."

the look in your eyes is earnest and geto sees that you believe your statements with your whole heart.

"i can be the person to help him learn."

there's no physical tell that you're upset, but he can somehow sense that you're about to cry. maybe it's the way you slightly tensed up with your body rejecting his soft touch or the way your gaze refused to meet his; no matter, he's going to cheer you up anyways. there aren't many people that geto can make smile— but somehow, in the past four months of being your friend (?), you've become the only person he cares to cheer up.

he murmurs your name in the most comforting, gentle voice that anyone's ever spoken to you. "you are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe; and you are capable of amazing things—"

"because you are the special. suguru, i've seen the lego movie. you're not being slick." aw man.

your tone of voice is irritated, yet you still laugh. yes, geto knows that might possibly have been the stupidest and cheesiest thing he's done in his whole life, but he doesn't care. he made you smile. him! not satoru. geto suguru made you smile. it's not something he'd win an olympic medal for, though in his mind it's worth more than that. he doesn't know when you became so special to him. he doesn't know how you managed to creep your way into his heart and cause this embarrassing blush to consume his cheeks; and he isn't bothered to figure it out.

he doesn't want to rejoice in your heartbreak...however, there is a tiny part of him that's happy satoru doesn't love you back.

maybe it's finally time suguru gets to be loved.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀pm or send ask to join/be removed from taglist,, ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀link to miniseries masterlist

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aromantic-diaries · 11 months

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In honor of the first ever aromantic visibility day I dedided to share my own story

A lot of the time I talk about how I should have known earlier but I guess we can say no one really told me anything. For as long as I can remember I never understood the way people fell in love. As a small kid I thought marriage was just a milestone that everyone had to reach in order to start a family and everyone just picked out a person they liked. A lot of the boys in kindergarten had crushes on me for whatever reason but I didn't really care, none of them ever caught my eye. I was focused on my best friend

The overwhelming presence of romance in the media never failed to annoy me. Why are all the songs about love? I complained about this and my friends shut me down. Why is everyone so obsessed with shipping? I guess I don't get it. Romance is everywhere and I was sick of it

When I was about 10 I randomly decided it was time to develop a crush. So I looked around and picked out a random boy that I previously had no interest in and decided I liked him. It was nothing more than a few daydreams and sometimes we spoke to eachother but I never pursued him. One time we talked about dreams and he told me about how cool it was whenever he'd have dreams about stealing cars and influenced by him I had a dream where I stole a car. I forgot about this brief crush and later I looked back and realised I never really liked him

Me and my best friend stayed in touch for a long time. Throughout our friendship she had a lot of crushes which she would get really invested in. I never did. I listened to her go on and on about whatever boy she liked while thinking about how I've never been in love. I didn't want to fall in love but some part of me wondered what it was like. I assumed that I'd grow into it one day and someone special would come into my life and I'd finally fall in love. The years went by and anytime I had any potential crush I hated the idea of it and ignored it until I forgot.

I was about 12 when I first started questioning my sexuality. For the longest time I believed I was straight but then the thought of liking girls came up. I was scared of this idea but I couldn't help but wonder if I was a lesbian, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself I liked boys. But I didn't really like girls besides thinking they were pretty. Then I learned about bisexuality. It made sense to me and I was relieved that I didn't have to choose after all. What followed was a long internal struggle of self acceptance, then I came out to a few of my friends and the idea of bisexuality became central to my identity, regardless of the fact that I had never actually been attracted to a boy or a girl in my life.

I was 13 going on 14 when I thought it finally happened and that I had fallen in love. With whom? My best friend that I had known for my whole life. It just made sense because she had always been there for me, she had been my closest friend for ten years. At first I was infatuated with this idea but later on it became a burden and I just wanted to get over it. Eventually I told her and as I should have expected, she didn't feel the same way. I didn't try to push her to like me. The rejection hurt and for a long time I couldn't get over it but I let the idea go. But was I really in love with her or was she just the most important person in my life? I never wanted more than what we already had. Regardless, this was the closest I ever got to being in love

By this time I was already on tumblr and making friends online. A little while after my heartbreak I made friends with three people who shared my interests. To cut a long story short, two of the people in the group both admitted to shipping me and the other person, which struck me pretty suddenly but we both played along with it. I started wondering if I actually liked them and after a short while they confessed and I said I liked them too, so we started dating. It was actually a really pleasant relationship but throughout it I couldn't help but feel like I was leading him on or lying. Usually I'd either act way too flirty with him as if I was exaggerating, or I just spoke to them like they were my best friend rather than my romantic partner. I liked him a lot but not romantically.

I eventually learned the term 'aromantic'. I didn't really think it could ever be me. Surely I wasn't. Even though I related to an awful lot of what aros on tumblr talked about, I remained in denial. Over and over I told myself I'm not aromantic, I've always wanted romance, right?

As I got older the idea of romance became less and less appealing. I used to like it but eventually I started to feel put off by the very idea of it. I thought a lot about things I had learned in the aromantic community and began to realise that I didn't quite understand the difference between romantic and platonic love. Was romance really that great? Was I just afraid of being vulnerable? Or did I just convince myself that I even felt romantic attraction because I was afraid that if I didn't, I would be left out or incomplete. I remembered just how disinterested I was when I was younger. That surely would have meant I was aromantic, right? I reminded myself of all the "crushes" I had and that I was in a romantic relationship, and still it didn't feel right. But I didn't want to admit it. It came up again and again over the years but despite that I never wanted to think about it.

Cut to one night before my 17th birthday. I'm still scrolling mindlessly, even though my brain is barely awake. I should go to sleep. Then out of nowhere it comes up again, I'm too tired to filter my thoughts. What if I am aromantic after all? I can't be. I'm just about to jump to my alibis when another thought crosses my mind. What if I tried to think it over without trying to disprove it? I give it a shot and the more I think about it the more it makes sense. Oh god. I jump onto discord and start rambling about it in the vent channel of a server I'm in. It all makes so much sense. I go to bed

The next day. I am now 17 and since I don't have plans I go out to buy myself a birthday present with the money I received. I have a lot of time to myself and I think about last night, now awake. It all makes sense. Everything that felt odd before now adds up perfectly. Then the guilt kicks in. I have to tell my partner. I feel awful, but I decide that I would rather be honest and potentially hurt them than keep up a lie and feel even more guilty. I finally spill it and though surprised, they're accepthing. Suddenly everything feels amazing and I'm so overjoyed I almost forget it's my birthday. I come out on tumblr and I make an aro bracelet that I start wearing every day.

And so life goes on. It took me a while to fully accept myself but I got to learn a lot about myself and eventually I was no longer mourning the fact that I don't feel romantic attraction. Some people are very understanding and supportive, others don't quite get it, but I'm happy. One day I decided to start a sideblog for sharing my thoughts and feelings about aromanticism, and that's how we got aromantic-diaries. At first it didn't get much attention but it's gathered a following in the past months which never fails to make me happy because it's absolutely amazing to see that I can be a source of comfort for people like me

So there's my story! If you read it all the way through, hi! I hope you're having a great day today!

#aro #aromantic

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jackhues · 1 year

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(mockingbird au!) be okay - platonic!hughes

request: jack and reader get in an argument and he's really mad and chooses to leave to cool off so he doesn't say anything else that he'll regret, she calls quinn to talk her through her panic before jack comes back apologizing

requested by: anon : )

notes: i have mixed feelings on this, but it's not bad. continue sending in requests for the au! check out the request rules below! thanks for requesting <3

likes are good, reblogs are better <3

mockingbird! au request rules!

tags: @woodruff-edwards , @austinbutlerscaresme , @svechnikovvv , @hockeyboysarehot , @emptyflowerpots , @mysticaldonkey , @lam-ila , @babydollmarauders , @starjoyyy , @kjohnson-91 , @gavinbrindley, @hischierdevils , @jackhughesily , @panarin10 , @equallyshaw , @power2myheart , @lynnismypseudonym , @beccaiscold , @akengii , @nowandkei , @cinnamonpancakes , @mitchymainer , @lifeofpriya , @marshmallow-babe, @hughesx3 , @emsully2002 , @starsandhughes , @huggy-hischier73 , @doglady5678 , @thatoneblog , @exonct07 @hughesmedicine , @qwanelledingele , @mindless-rock , @ireadthensuetheauthors , @huggy-hischier94, @slaythehousedownboots , @diary-of-jj

join my taglist!

gif not mine!

“then why is melanie telling me you guys were making out?” you repeated.

“i’ve been telling you this for the past ten minutes, but i never kissed her!” jack began to raise his voice. “i haven’t even seen her since that new years party you threw. and i was with you the entire time for that.”

you refused to back down, “you’re saying melanie — one of my closest friends — is lying to me about something like this?”

“yes!” jack agreed. “that’s exactly what i’m — you know what? i can’t. you don’t even believe me, and i can’t do this right now if you’re just gonna keep accusing me of something i’d never even think of doing.”

you watched as jack grabbed his phone and keys, storming out of your shared apartment. part of you wanted to go after him and apologize, while the other part was telling you to stand your ground.

there was no reason melanie would lie to you, right?

after all, she was one of your first friends when you began college. the two of you hung out a lot, and she’d always thought jack was amazing.

at the same time, there was no reason for jack to lie to you either.

dropping your face in your hands, you sat on the couch.

jack was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. after a run in with the eighteen year old jack, the two of you had ended up getting along really well — eventually dating. you never had a boyfriend before, and you hated when the two of you fought.

for some reason, this fight felt like the end of something.

“oh god,” you muttered to yourself, the tears beginning to flow.

you reached for your phone as it rang, picking it up immediately.

“jack?” you asked.

“oh shit,” em, another friend of yours, said. “you didn’t tell him about what melanie said to you, did you?”

“you know?” you sniffled.

“melanie just told me,” she said, sounding a little out of breath. “she was lying, y/n. she was just bragging about it to me, and i left because i needed to make sure you didn’t tell him. please tell me you didn’t tell him.”

you froze,”why — why would she do that?”

“she likes jack,” em explained. “that’s what she told me. she said a lot of bad things about you, and that if you accused him of cheating, the two of you would break up, and in his heartbreak, she’d get him. she’s messed up, y/n. i don’t think you should be talking to her after this.”

“no, i — i need to go,” you shook your head, ending the call immediately.

you dialled another number, nearly crying in relief when quinn picked up at the second ring.

“quinn, i did something stupid,” you whispered, crying.

“talk to me. what’s wrong?” he asked.

you began to tell him everything. about how melanie called you that evening while jack was at a game, claiming he kissed her a few days ago. she said she was ‘looking out for you’, and that she felt you deserved to know what he did. the devils lost that night, so jack was already a little upset, and your accusation only made it worse. you confronted him about it, he denied the entire thing, and the two of you had a huge fight — your worst one left.

“and he — quinn, he left,” you sniffed. “i don’t know where he went, he just left. and i - i don’t know what to do, because i don’t want to lose him, because this is all my fault, and-”

“this isn’t your fault,” quinn insisted. “you can blame it on melanie, but you can’t blame it on yourself. jack was already upset over the loss, and he took out some of his anger on you. you know he doesn’t like getting mad, especially not at you. he’s probably taking a walk, or at nico’s house to calm down. just breathe, y/n. you guys are going to be okay.”

“you don’t know that,” you whispered.

“i do,” quinn stated simply. “i know that jack is absolutely crazy for you, and that there’s no way he’ll ever leave you over a misunderstanding like this. i know you’re so in love with jack that there’s no way you’ll leave him either. just calm down, and give it a little while. he’ll come home. and if he doesn’t, i’ll talk to him.”

your breathing came a little easier as the conversation with quinn flowed. quinn had that effect on people. he could instantly make them calm down and feel safe. after learning of your shitty childhood, quinn tried his best to always make you feel safe. he just hated that jack was the reason he had to do it right now.

you perked up at the sound of footsteps in the hallway.

“wait, wait, i think he’s home,” you said to quinn.

“you want me to hang up?”

“i’m scared,” you admitted.

“just breathe. you guys are gonna be okay,” he reminded you. “i’ll stay on the line as long as you want.”

you placed your phone to the side, the assurance that quinn was on the other end of the line giving you some sense of ease.

“i’m so sorry,” you and jack blurted out at the same time.

“no, no, i started the argument,” you stepped forward, pausing unsurely in front of jack. he reached for your hand as if it were second-nature to him. “i — i trusted melanie too blindly, and i didn’t take in the fact that you’d never do something like that, that that’s not who you are. i know you didn’t kiss her, and i’m so, so sorry for accusing you of that. i — i don’t know why i didn’t stop to think that melanie might be lying, or to even ask you. i — please tell me we’re okay.”

“hey, we’re always okay,” jack pulled you into his arms, tears in his eyes as well. “i’m sorry for walking out on you like that, i should’ve taken a walk on the balcony or something. i just — i needed to clear my head, i don’t like fighting with you. but we’re okay, i promise. we’re okay.”

quinn smiled to himself on the other end of the line, hanging up the call.

he knew they’d be okay.

#mockingbird au!#naqia's au's!#naqia writes!#jack hughes #jack hughes imagines #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes blurb #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes fanfiction #jack hughes blurbs #quinn hughes #platonic!hughes #platonic!quinn #platonic! quinn hughes #quinn hughes imagines #quinn hughes imagine #hughes brothers #platonic #new jersey devils imagine

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wosoluver · 18 days

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Don't get sad, get even.

Part 3/3 - previous

Patri x reader, Claudia x reader

Ending II: I do like you!

You tried to catch up to Patri when she was leaving.

"Can we talk?" - You said following her out to the parking lot.

"About what?" - She answered with an attitude.

"Seriously?! You got the two of you suspended from next game!"

"Oh of course this was my doing!"

"Grow up! It was, your fault! You should be punishing me. Not Claudia. She's been nothing but a good friend, always."

"Yeah, you two look real good friends."

"Stop that. It was just a kiss! You and I did a lot more than that, and we were still just friends. I don't think a kiss has anything on fucking your best friend for months."

"You were with me. Why did you kiss her?"

"Excuse me? You were with someone else! You barely noticed my presence."

"Why are we even discussing this? We aren't a thing! You have no right to be jealous!"

"Your right! I read the situation wrong and that was on me. But you, you only cared about the attention I was giving out, once my attention had went to someone else. And that's on you."

"Don't say that. It's unfair."

"Is it? Admit to yourself, that was what you were after. No offense, but that's who you are! And you know that. I've watched you do this to too many girls.

I was stupid! I mixed my emotions with my pleasures."

"Maybe this should have stayed in Ibiza."

"Finally something we agree on.

I didn't mean to hurt you-"

"Yes you did." - she said interrupting you.

"Fine. That night I did, only because I was hurting.

But this, was never meant to destroy our friendship.

And now look at us! You basically attacked Clau today."

"I'll apologize tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"Can I go now?"

You only nodded your head. And watched her pull out of the parking lot and leave.

To say you were frustrated was an understatement. How did you get so deep into this? How'd let yourself fall in to her so freely?

You were so blinded by the feeling of having her, that you forgot love is a two sided thing.

And here you sat on your couch. Crying your eyes out. You had managed to lose your love and your friend all at once.

And thinking about it, even if you could turn back in time, you wouldn't change a thing.

Despite what you two had said earlier, you didn't regret it.

And what you didn't know, was that she didn't either.

Well you didn't, until she showed up at your door that night.

"Patri what are you doing here?"

"I did it all wrong!" - She was crying. You could probably count in one hand the number of times you had seen her cry.

"Come on, don't just stand there." - As you pulled her into the apartment. - "Chamomile or English Breakfast?" - You asked heading straight to the kitchen to prepare her a cup of tea.

"Chamomile is fine."

And for the next ten minutes she watched you silently, preparing her the drink. It gave her time to calm down.

"Here."- You handled her the mug she would always choose to use when she was over. The fact that you took that into consideration, even in a situation like this, made her heart ache.

"Thanks.

You were right earlier. I did to you, what I had done to all the others. But this time, I did it for a different reason.

It's very hard for me to let myself trust others. I sleep around because that seems way better and more comfortable than going through another heartbreak.

But with you everything was different.

I'd trust you with my life. You're kind and intelligent and you're always there when others need somewhere to hide or someone to hold, when things get hard.

I didn't have to decide to fall in love with you or not. It just happened.

And I couldn't take the fact that for the first time I actually let myself feel something, it was with someone who was just looking for something casual.

I tried to free myself from my feelings by getting with someone else. I didn't think I could take your rejection."

"What ever made you feel like I would reject you?! I'm in love with you! And I thought you felt the same. Only to find you were with someone else."

"I should have told you how I felt instead of running from my feelings. And I apologize for hurting you. I regret it so much.

Would you ever let me make up to you?" - You saw it in her eyes. They'd always try to read you, when she was anxious for an answer.

"Yes.

But no more lying. No more hurting each other. And most importantly no more hurting Piña."

"So can I finally ask you out?"

Liked this one better than the Claudia end. I promise a cute Clau story, to make up for it.

#woso #woso x reader #patri guijarro #patri guijarro x reader #fc barcelona femeni

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wolvesofinnistrad · 21 days

Text

Read on Ao3 Here.

Its been about 6 months.

6 of the best months of a relationship Buck has ever had. And its not even about it being a guy, discovering his bisexuality. Its just... Tommy.

Hes great in so many ways, and the dynamic is so different that for the first time Buck has been able to relax, not always feel like hes chasing after someone. Actually, hes found out he quite likes being the one that gets chased, romanced, flirted with.

Everything is going great and hes even, in the back of his mind, been starting to think this might be it, this might be a long term thing after all which he'd have never expected. And then Eddie fucks it all up by telling him his most recent girlfriend, Beatrice or something Buck honestly hasn't kept track lately, broke up with him because quote "i can never have a place in your life when you've got Buck so entrenched in it."

Hes never had anyone imply that his and Eddies friendship, the little family hes made with Eddie and Chris, is somehow wrong or off-putting. Eddie was more annoyed than anything and didn't seem to care. But Buck... Buck got worried. Not because he cared about what Betty or whatever thought, but because he wondered if it wasn't true. If maybe their dynamic would scare people off eventually, and did that mean it would scare Tommy off as well?

So that's how hes sitting here, curled under a blanket on the couch, a new sectional he bought because Tommy's back didn't get enough support in the last one, spilling his guts to his boyfriend. When hes done he looks up at Tommy, expecting, well, something. Anger, confusion, heartbreak, but... Its not there. Tommy smiles at him, placing a hand on his leg over the blanket. "Evan... i understand how important Eddie and Chris are to you. I would never make you choose. I would never try to cut them out or deny you that."

Buck takes that in sits with it for a moment but finds it doesn't fully alleviate his concerns.

"But what if... i mean, if were together, you know, for the long haul. It wont affect you? What i have with them?"

Tommy smiles, he looks away for a minute and laughs.

"Can i be really honest with you Evan?" He says, meeting his eyes now.

Buck nods.

Tommy inches closer, drawing up one of his legs beneath him. "When we first started dating i knew you all were close, but i didn't really understand until later that you were a 'family.'" He pauses, thinks. "But when i did, yeah, there was a moment i was a little worried where i fit in. Where there was space for me in your life. And then i had an idea, and once i wrapped my head around it that way, re-conceptualized how i looked at things, it didn't scare me anymore."

Now that's surprising to hear, Buck wants to know what could have so easily changed his mind. "And what was it that made you not worry then?"

Again Tommy laughs. "I started thinking of Eddie like he was your ex husband."

Bucks eyes bug out a bit. "My what?!"

Tommy shrugs. "It was easier in my head than just saying your best friend who you're co-parenting with. I've dated guys with kids, with exes before. It wasn't a stretch to think of it like Eddie was your ex and Chris was your kid from another relationship. Once i put it in my head like that, i didn't worry about whether we could have a life together. You'll always be tied to them, but it didn't mean you couldn't have a life with me to." He reached over and took Bucks hand, squeezed it tight. "And honestly Evan? I'm starting to think I'd like that. A life with you."

Despite how weird it is to think of his little family with Eddie and Chris that way, how Tommy sees it, there's something relief and happiness coursing through him. Knowing that Tommy's already figured out how he can keep some of the most important people in his life and incorporate them into a new life hes building for himself. For him and Tommy.

"Evan?" Tommy asks, scootching closer on the couch, their knees knocking together.

Buck realizes its been too long since he's said anything, but when he speaks he simply says "move in with me."

For all of a second Tommy looks shocked, then elated, then seemingly guarded. "Evan... You don't have to lock me down or something i just exp-"

Buck cuts him off, "its not that. Trust me, I've done that before. Held on so tight, clung because i was scared of being left behind. This isn't that. This is..." he stops, lets his mind and body calm enough to get this right. "This is me holding on because I don't want to let go. Because i want to stay, right here, with you. I'm not scared of being left anymore, I'm scared of not putting down roots. Of not letting the best boyfriend I've ever had,"

"Only," Tommy interjects.

"Best," Buck reiterates, gripping his hand tighter, boyfriend I've ever had know that i want this. I want him. I want a life with you too. And hearing that i think, it was just the final thing falling into place, the last weight weighing on me. I... I've been thinking of asking you for a while, but i wanted so bad to get it right this time. And i think i am, but Tommy." He looks into his eyes. "Tommy you're the first time I've felt like if i got it wrong it would still be okay, we could make it work anyway. So move in with me. Please. Or.. heck, we could get a place of our own if you like?"

Tommy kisses him then. Its slow and passionate but all consuming. Its like nothing hes ever had before. And it feels so right. For once it feels Right.

A week later Tommy sends him a photo of a house for rent. Rent to own actually.

"Wheres that at?" He asks, because its a nice place, he can see the potential.

"Its literally a block away from Eddie's house, I saw it as I was driving away." He says, and Buck can almost hear the laugh and smug smile miles away.

"Its perfect." He writes back. But what he means is, 'you're perfect.'

#bucktommy #kinkley #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #tommy kinard #this is a bucktommy endgame fic dont hate me but im into them rn #my fic #fanfiction

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youandiwerealive · 13 days

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It’s alright to hate me now [rd]

Author’s note: this one is sad and heartbreaking babes, don’t say I didn’t warned you 🫡 hope you enjoy it!

wc: 1369 - English is not my first language! Feedback is always appreciated

Also, requests are open! For Rúben or any other football player. Come share your thoughts with me 😌

It all started with a fight. You can’t even remember what it was about anymore - feeling so stupid and frustrated that you got into such a huge argument and made your worst mistake that can cost you your relationship now.

You were angry, feeling your blood boiling inside your veins, you weren’t thinking straight. You definitely wouldn’t had slept with one of Rúben’s best friends if you were thinking clearly about it.

The way Rúben screamed at you for something so trivial, really made you believe that he was done with you. You could swear that you saw a breakup right then and there. That’s why you went out for a few drinks - well, maybe way more than just “a few”.

Drunk out of your mind, you decided to reach for your phone. After opening instagram and check some people’s stories, you land on José Condessa’s profile. You smirk to yourself while seeing that he also posted some videos drinking in a bar with his friends. The place where he was, wasn’t far from you, so you decided to walk there, thinking devilishly that maybe you could still find the boy in the bar.

And you did. Meeting José was the first part of your mistake.

You were drunk, mad at love, firmly believing you were single. So you decided to display your worst behaviour through that night. Two drunk minds that ended up moaning together under the sheets.

You and José didn’t talked about it, you left early in the next morning, way before he woke up. You knew that sleeping with him was dumb, but you were angry at Rúben for breaking up with you, so the thought of revenge tasted pretty sweet in your mouth.

But you were wrong. God, you were so wrong.

The day after your stupid decision, Rúben called you and ended up meeting you at your place. He showed up with flowers in his hand and an apologetic look in his face.

After a long conversation, you realised you fucked up really bad. Rúben didn’t broke up with you after that night, he explained to you that he just needed some space so he wouldn’t say something he might regret later. You were now the dumb one, the unfaithful one, that went out after a fight and cheated on your boyfriend - with one of his closest friends.

Panic creeps all over you. You try to play it cool, but in your mind you can only think of one thing: Rúben can’t know about what you did. Never. It has to be your best kept secret.

And… it kind of was. For some days.

You were in the kitchen of Rúben’s house, preparing dinner for both of you, when he storms inside his place, slamming the door shut behind him. He meets you with a hurt and disappointed look in his face, those feelings way more visible than anger - that you believe he is definitely feeling too.

“How could you do this to me?” - Rúben asks you with an angry tone - there it is.

You start shaking, not wanting to believe that he’s referring to what you’ve done that night. There’s no way he could have found out about it.

“What are you talking about?” - you try to stay calm and play it cool.

“What am I talking about?!” - he loses his patience and screams at you. “How about you start explaining how you ended up in one of my best friend’s bed?” - he questions you harshly.

You stay silent, your worst nightmare now becoming reality.

“Are you really choosing to stay silent right now? You fucking cheated on me with one of the closest persons that I kept in my life. How could you? And then I made a fool of myself, going to your house with flowers, telling you that I was sorry. I was so fucking stupid. And you were so fucking fake, pretending that everything was fine! How do you sleep at night? Tell me! How can you act so calm when you know damn well all the shit that you’ve done!” - he continues screaming the entire truth right in your face.

You feel the tears that you’ve been keeping inside, spilling from your eyes. All the regret that you’ve been feeling since that dumb night, is now showing in front of Rúben.

“I’m so sorry” - you say while sobbing. “I’m really fucking sorry. I know I fucked up”.

But you know damn well that there is no turning back. No matter how hard you try to explain yourself, how many times you could say you are sorry. Rúben won’t listen nor forgive you.

“Oh, you’re sorry? That’s funny” - he laughs ironically.

“I really am, Rúben! I know this sounds so ridiculous now, but I really believed that you had broken up with me. We had that stupid fight and I really thought that you didn’t wanted anything to do with me anymore. Please, you have to understand my side” - you plead, but he doesn’t let you explain.

“Please, Y/N, stop wasting my time. I don’t want to hear a thing anymore. You are the biggest disappointment that I have ever had in my life. I trusted you, gave you everything. I gave you my love, my trust, let you inside my house, opened up to you and confessed my feelings. And you cheated on me while I was at home, fighting mentally with myself about how could I be better to you. I don’t want to see you anymore, get out of my house” - he tells you coldly.

You look at Rúben’s features and you can see the disappointment evident in his eyes. It’s like someone punched you in the stomach. You know there’s nothing you can do now, you should have thought about that before getting in bed with another man. The tears keep falling in your face while you gather your things and get ready to leave Rúben’s house and life.

“I totally understand your side, I fucked up. But I hope you know that I really regret what I did, and that I will always love you” - you confess while taking one last look at his face. He doesn’t say a word, and you turn your back and leave.

Once you close the door behind you, it’s like the entire world shatters around you.

You can’t help but think about how he found out about it. But soon, your mind clears a bit and you understand what happened. Your best friend was the only person - beside José, that knew about your mistake. You confessed it all to her and she kept nagging you about how you should come clean to your now ex-boyfriend. You feel betrayed. Everything was fine now, why did she had to get in the middle of everything and fuck your life? Your life has took a huge turn, and you feel lost without Rúben by your side.

Leaving your love because of the dumbest decision you’ve ever made, is something that will haunt you forever. And the thought of being away from Rúben without the possibility of going back to him, is a huge regret that will forever hurt in your chest.

You can die from suffering, you can die from disgust. Your feelings can consume you, but love was the only thing that would fill you up. And now, you can only replay the happy moments that you’ve spent with Rúben, when you were just two happy love birds, feeling like nothing in the world could destroy the strong connection you both shared. Some say that you can die from love, but all your life you believed that you could only live because of love, not die from it.

Now, you fear that this really might kill you. And if it doesn’t kill you physically, it damn sure is going to destroy you emotionally. But you know this is all on you. You did this to yourself, and you will end up alone because that’s what you deserve, after hurting the person who truly made you happy and who you loved the most.

#ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias x you #ruben dias oneshot #ruben dias fanfiction #ruben dias fic #ruben dias fanfic #thoughts about football players #football imagines #football fanfic

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seospicybin · 1 year

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HAPPIEST SEASON.

Han x reader. (s,f)

Synopsis: It's the first time you take your best friend Han to spend Christmas holiday with your family and to also announce a great news but the more he knows the more he's doubting himself. (19,4k words)

Author's note: It's slow burn, best friends to lovers, just a tad bit angsty, warm and fluffy with a side of family drama and ex jealousy. It's my gift to you, hope you like it! Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone :)

Marry your best friend.

Han ever heard that line before, either from a movie or an advertisement, he couldn't remember. What he's trying to say is he has no problem with it but he's having a hard time making sense of it.

How can you marry your own best friend? Wouldn't that be weird? Isn't it going to feel like marrying your second cousin or something?

"If we don't find love then we'll just marry each other."

You once said it as a joke or he thought it was.

Han isn't opposed to the idea, he is pretty much given up searching for love because what's the use though if it would only end up in heartbreak and misery?

On the other side, you got tired of going on blind dates your father set for you in order to find you the one, or in your words 'the one' your father approved.

Just like tonight, it seems like you've just gone on another one and you come to his place afterward like you always do, either to vent about the date, your father and how you only obey him because of his stubbornness.

Han would intently listen to your rant with a can of beer in hand. Except, you seem so calm and he takes it that the date went well.

"You're working on something?" You asked from the doorway of his bedroom while taking your cardigan off.

"Just keeping myself busy," he answers, a bit stammering at the sight of you in a red dress that makes you look so radiant.

He clears his throat before asking, "what's up?"

You lean the side of your body against the doorframe, looking a little distracted like something is bothering you, then you softly sigh, "can we talk?"

Everyone would agree with him that those three words are anxiety-inducing he immediately thinks if he has done something wrong to you.

You take two canned drinks out of his fridge and hand the beer to him while you have your favorite peach-flavored drink in your hands.

"How was the date?" He asks because it seems like what you're going to talk about is something related to it.

"It was alright," you answered.

That convinced him that the date went well just as he guessed, and he feels relieved that he can finally pop open his can of beer, then takes a long gulp.

You sit next to him on the couch and take a sip of your drink as well while looking at the tree outside, changing its leaves at the turn of the season.

"You remember I once said that if we don't find love, we'll just marry each other?" You asked out of the blue.

Han laughs in response and takes another sip of his beer.

You put your drink away and shift on your seat to face him, "I think it's time," you said.

You do this all the time, keeping a straight face so that he can't tell the difference whether you're telling a joke or being serious. But it must be the former, right?

"Yeah, sure," he half-heartedly replies with a dry laugh.

You put your hand on his forearm and it feels cold that he turns his head at you, you look a little distressed like something is bothering your head.

"Why are you so nervous?" He bluntly asks because he has never seen you like this.

For him, you always have been the happy-go-lucky kind of girl, it's like you bring your own sun wherever you go and spread the warmth to everyone around you.

You put on a small smile before speaking, "Listen, Han, I'm getting tired of my father setting me up with these people that I barely knew."

He acknowledges the issue because you have told him enough to know that you're just so done with all of it.

"I figured that if I'll ever marry someone, it's not going to be someone my father chooses for me," you said.

He nods while intently listening to you, putting his hand over yours to show he's taking your side on the matter.

"And I choose you," you said.

It takes him more than a minute to process those words, because a) he didn't expect the talk would lead to b) implying that you choose him and c) to marry you?

He bursts out laughing because he doesn't know how else to react to this.

"You're joking right?" He asks because you always keep a straight face when you're telling a joke.

You shake your head, "No, I'm not," you shortly replied.

His laughs slowly die down and are replaced by anxiety, "but we're friends," he innocently remarks.

"And isn't that just great?" You exclaimed.

That's not the answer he expected, you seem rather delighted by this fact.

"We've been friends for years and we know each other the best and we're comfortable around each other," you listed all of the things that would favor the union.

If you put it that way then yes, it doesn't weird at all to marry your best friend.

"Come on! Let's get married!" You cheerfully said with your shoulder bumping him.

Yet Han is still not convinced by the idea, he was just minding his business a few minutes ago and the next thing he knows his best friend proposed to him. Anyone can understand how confusing this situation is for him.

"But– but, we're fri– we're not—" he is at a loss for words that he's unable to finish his sentence.

As a friend of his for years and grow a telepathic connection with him, you understand what he's trying to ask you.

You take his hand on his lap and clasped it, "Marriage is not always about love. I just think that if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone, I want it to be with my best friend," you explained.

And five years of friendship proves nothing but he does have those feelings for you but not in a romantic way.

Maybe it's possible after all, to marry your best friend with no love involved, but another question pops into his head.

"What about your father?" He asks.

You lean in closer and look him in the eyes, "I did this because I do want this. Not because of my father or anyone else for that matter, I want this," you emphasize how much you meant your words to him.

You don't need to do all that, he sees right through you, you crinkle your nose when you lie and all he can see right now is the sincerity in your eyes.

There are so many rhetorical questions appearing in his head and just like any other human being, he keeps being haunted by his own failures of his past romantic relationships that he can't help but ask you this one question.

"What if it doesn't work out?" He meekly asks.

You put on a smile and ask him back, "What if it works out?"

And he likes that about you, how you always see the world through a different view, how you always look on the brighter side of things, and how you can easily infect him with your confidence.

That's what he needs in his life, confidence and you help him build it in him over time.

That's only one of the many good things you've done for him, if he should list everything, it would take him forever.

You shake the hand on his lap to snap him out of his head, "Han, you know you're free to say no, there's no pressure," you reminded him.

He takes a shaky breath and awkwardly massages his temple, "it's just... so sudden," he admitted.

You crack a laugh, "I know, right? Just take your time," you assured him.

You take your hand off of him and grab your drink, walking away to the kitchen to give Han space and time to think.

He thinks it all over in his head, listing every pros and cons of marrying you.

Everything you said is fair and sensible.

You indeed know him best to the point that he doesn't have to hide his true self from you and the idea of having, living in that safe space for the rest of his life won him over almost immediately.

He looks at you as you return to the couch with a new can of drink, put the drink on the table then all of sudden, kneels on the floor in front of him.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" He asks in shock.

"Properly proposing you," you casually answer and take the ring tab from the empty can of your drink.

You look up at him with a smile on your face, "Han Jisung, will you marry me?"

Never in a million years he thought that his best friend would be on her knee and proposed to him!

He's in his black sweater and sweatpants, his hair is unruly from staying the night up finishing a track and he is aware of the mess in his small apartment, the dishes piling on the sink, and a basket full of dirty laundry in the corner of the room.

And he's certain that he doesn't have it in him to be a husband.

Yet here you are, kneeling in front of him and asking him to marry you.

He takes a deep breath, taking a moment to try to verbalize his thoughts into words even though everyone knows that's an impossible thing to do.

In the end, he settles with a simple answer, "let's do this!"

There is a deep crease between your eyebrows, "what do you mean by that?"

"Let's do this!" He repeats, "let's get married!"

"Are you saying yes?" You asked with your breath hitched at the end of the sentence.

"I am, yes, yes I do!" He says, softly laughing at how your face was all tensed and pale.

You break down on the floor and he thought you are about to faint, but you propped your hands behind you, "oh fuck!"

He holds out his hands to help you get up from the floor, he uses all of his strength to pull you up so that you crashed against him on the couch.

"I didn't know how nerve-wracking a marriage proposal is until now," you said while clutching your chest and then putting your arms around his neck, hugging him so tight.

"Thank you for saying yes," you said.

"You're welcome, I guess?" He gets flustered because it should be him kneeling on the floor for you, not the other way around.

When you let go of the hug, he sees your eyes brimming with tears.

"Are you crying?" He asked in pure confusion.

"No," You said while hurriedly wiping the tears that rolled down one side of your cheek.

"I'm just so happy, I guess?"

Han didn’t know you needed his answer that badly but at the same time, he can’t explain why he’s just as happy.

A few weeks after the proposal, you both moved into a new apartment intending to adjust to each other by living together.

He likes the new apartment because a) it is bigger than his old one b) you both have your own rooms and c) you share a bathroom, but he doesn't mind it because he gets to borrow your shampoo when he runs out.

He never skipped a meal since he started living with you, he knows where his things are because you keep everything well organized and he doesn't have to worry when he needs to wake up early in the morning.

He used to think that moving in with someone takes a great commitment, nobody said that this would be this easy or maybe it's because he's living with you that makes it seem so easy.

The more he thinks about the marriage, the more plausible it becomes to him, marrying his best friend.

The bedroom door is ajar but you come knocking on his door when he's packing for the trip to your parent's house for the holidays.

He looks up to see you in your night dress and smiling at him while showing him the canned drinks in your hands, "drinks?"

He grins at the idea, "sure!"

You step inside and lean against his desk, forgetting that his desk is so close to crumbling down.

You retreat and sit on his bed instead, handing him his favorite late-night beverage, beer.

Clanking your cans against each other before taking a sip, then you notice the things scattered on his bed, "do you need help packing?" You offered.

"It's okay. I'm almost done anyway," he answers but actually, he's still trying to go through the list of things he should pack in his head.

You softly smile and help him tidy up his folded shirts, "you're not nervous, right?"

"About the trip?"

"Yeah."

"A little," he honestly answers.

"What about you?"

You take a long gulp of your drink before answering, "I've never been this nervous to come home for the holidays," you admitted.

He understands that it's not going to be an easy thing to let your family know that you proposed to someone, to your own best friend, to him.

You take his stacks of t-shirts and roll them one by one, "It's just the uhm... there'll always be a drama," you awkwardly said with a flustered laugh.

"Well, at least, when relatives ask about my love life, I can confidently answer that I'm engaged," you said with a low laugh.

See? You always know where to look for the silver lining. But he can only respond with a dry laugh because he wouldn't be that confident to tell anyone if he's engaged to someone like him.

Once you both finished both of your drinks, you get up from his bed and take the empty cans with you, "if there's nothing else I can help you with then I'm going to bed."

"Sure yeah, you need to rest," he says remembering that he does not yet have a driving license so you'll be the one driving the three hours trip.

You place a hand on his shoulder and softly squeeze it, leaning in to kiss him briefly on the cheek, "don't stay up too late, okay?"

In the years-long of being friends, he remembers the three occasions in which you kissed him on the cheek, one was on graduation day, two was when he sold his first track and three was when he caught your favorite plushie from the vending machine for you.

And now, you start this habit of kissing him on the cheek before bed. To be honest, it felt weird getting it at first but now it feels weird when you didn't give him a goodnight kiss before bed.

"Goodnight!" You say while lingering in his doorway.

"Goodnight!" He says back, watching you leave his bedroom but keep the door ajar.

Gosh, why is he always sleeping through his alarm? Thanks to you, he's never late waking up in the morning and getting better at being tardy. With his eyes still heavy with sleep, he trudges his way to the bathroom only to barge in on you drying your hair in your bathrobe.

"I'm sorry. The door is open so I thought—" he slurs his words because his brain isn't properly functioning yet without caffeine.

You laugh at him, "no worries!"

Han will never get used to seeing you with that much-exposed skin. Just because you're his best friend doesn't mean that it's normal for him to see you naked, he still takes it as something inappropriate.

You sense his discomfort and unplug the hairdryer, "I'll continue in my bedroom," you say then leave the bathroom.

Knowing that he only can do much without a driving license, Han gets all of the bags down from the apartment and loads them into the car, warming up the car engine for you.

"Do you still have any space left in your bag?" You ask, the moment you get in the driver's seat.

He grabs his backpack from the backseat and unzips it, "I think so," he answers.

You hand him your book, "I forgot to put it in the suitcase," you say.

"I got this," he takes the book and puts it inside his backpack.

Han tries to stay awake the whole ride but he didn't listen to you to not stay up late, he went to sleep so late that he falls asleep in the car.

When he wakes up, there are only a few kilometers left on the trip.

The closer he gets to your parent's house the more nervous he gets, he met your parents a few times before but this will be his first time coming to your parent's house.

Your family is nice but now that he's agreed to marry you, he feels the need to prove himself that he's worthy to be a part of your family. He's not sure if he'll ever be a part because you have a picture-perfect family, your father is a retired district attorney and your mother is a licensed psychologist, your older sister teaches at university, she has also married a lawyer from a successful blind date your father set them up.

Well, he doesn't have to tell you how great you are, you are smart and beautiful, and you are on your way to being a great architect.

How can he compare himself to all of that? He's just a struggling musician, he earns money from making music and no one even knows who he is.

He feels so small already from assessing all that greatness in your family. How is he going to fit in? To add to his suffering, he's not great at being around family, no wait, he's not great at being around people in general.

"We're here!" You announce with a gleeful smile on your face.

If only he wasn't that nervous, he would be as happy as you but he manages to put on a smile for you.

"I'll get our things, don't worry!" He says. He needs a little more time to prepare himself before meeting your family.

But you help him get your things from the car and drag them to the front door of the house, then ring the doorbell with a gleeful smile on your face.

A moment later, someone opens the door followed by a shriek, "oh my God, it's you!"

Han sighs in relief after seeing that it's your sister who opened the door, he met your sister several times because she visited you a lot when you were still in university.

He watches as you reunited with your sister and exchange a kiss on the cheek after.

"I think you remember Han," you take a wild guess and present him to your sister.

"Of course! Hi, hello, Han!" She greets him like an old friend, then proceeds to give him a quick hug.

The house is looking empty when he enters but as soon as your little nephew runs down the stairs, it's getting a little loud.

You kneel on the floor with your arms open to embrace little Lee as he rushes to hug you and his father comes down the stairs after him.

Your sister introduce him to your brother-in-law and Han is grateful that he's not as serious as he thought he would be just because he's a lawyer, "nice to see you!"

Not long after, your parents come down the stairs as well and greet both of you with smiles on their faces.

"Mom, dad!" You greet and hug them in turns.

He stiffens at the sight of them and he starts to get hot with all the layers of clothes he's wearing inside the house.

"This is Han," you introduce him only by his name and he guesses that you haven't given them the details yet.

Your father comes up to him first and taps him on the shoulder.

"Long trip, huh?" He asks.

"Yes, sir!"

Everyone laughs at how he sounded so rigid when he answers your father.

"Call me however you want," Your father says with a laugh and a squeeze on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're both home!" Your mother adds and firmly shakes his hand, "how are you?"

"I'm great," he shortly replies and he quickly thinks of something to say back, "you have a wonderful house!"

She brightly smiles at his compliment and places a hand on the small of his back, "it was my grandmother's," she informs.

You glance at him and sense that it's probably too overwhelming for him, you come to his side, "we're a little tired from the trip so..." you trailed your words to let them catch on your intention.

Your mother nods, "Oh yeah, sure, I have the rooms ready for you two!"

You must have noticed that it's too much for him since it's the first time he comes to your parent's house and he'll spend the rest of the holiday with your family.

You seem to mind that your mother assigned him to the room in the basement but due to your sister being pregnant, little Lee sleeps in the guest bedroom and Han sleeps in the basement.

He doesn't mind though, it's not like the two of you have been sleeping in one room anyway. He's unpacking his things when you come to see him, knocking on the door when it's already open, and sheepishly smiles when he looks at you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that you'd be sleeping in the basement," you apologize and sit on the bed next to him.

"No, it's alright, I kind of like it."

You raise an eyebrow at him as if you just heard him wrong.

"I mean, at least I can comfortably work on my track in here," he quickly explains before you get the wrong idea or maybe the optimism in you seeps into him.

"Good to hear that!" You said, a little relieved.

"Anyway, we'll be out tonight to have a family dinner," you informed.

He's not sure if he brought anything suitable for a family dinner, all he can think about is the cold weather so he packed a lot of thick, warm clothes.

As if you sense the panic in him, you go to his other duffel bag, then pull out a black shirt and slacks that he doesn't remember he packed.

"I'll iron these for you," you said.

Thanks to you he doesn't have to worry about being underdressed for a family dinner in a fine-dining restaurant.

Also, your father is a well-respected man in town, a few people stopped by just to greet him and he got to introduce everyone at the table.

When it comes to introducing him, your father addresses him as your friend and he would glance at you to see your reaction.

By the time the main course is being served, someone comes by the table and everyone seem to recognize him as they're surprised but delighted by the visit.

"Oh, we haven't seen you in a long time!" Your mother says with a smile.

Han is the only one who is clueless about who he is, maybe a distant relative or...

"You came home!" He says to you and leans down to do what the French usually do when they greet each other.

"I've just arrived this afternoon," you told him and didn't forget to introduce him to this mysterious, charming man.

"This is Han and Han this is, Chris, he's a friend from high school," you introduced.

"Oh come on! We are more than just 'high school friends'," Chris playfully says to the entire table and earning chuckles from everyone.

Han gets up from his chair to give the man a handshake, "Nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too!" He says back to him with a firm grip on his hand.

"Wow, it feels weird now seeing you all big and muscular and a what? A star athlete!" Your sister says with admiration in her eyes.

"No, I'm not!" Chris shyly denies the claim.

"We should have met a few years earlier, then I wouldn't end up marrying this lawyer," your sister jokes and causing everyone to laugh but a glare from her husband.

"We did meet a few years ago, it was you who's too late to acknowledge my presence," Chris jokes back with a charming laugh and dimples on his cheeks.

Han admires those people who know how to carry themselves and who are not shy about standing in front of a lot of people or being stared at. Ultimately, one that knows how to communicate with people without being awkward.

As everyone laughs at every witty remark Chris made, Han feels like he's shrinking into a microscopic size then he feels your hand on his thigh.

"You don't like the food?"

"Huh?"

"You haven't touched your food. I can order something else if you don't like it," you said.

He shakes his hand, "no, I'm good."

"Are you sure?" You asked.

"Yeah," he answers with a convincing smile.

It's snowing when they wait outside for the valets to get their cars, he reaches for your hand since he knows how easily you get cold.

You smile in response and hold his hand back while holding little Lee sleeping in your arms, then all of a sudden, your brother-in-law comes to him.

"I think I had too many drinks. Can you drive my car?" He asks.

"I told you to slow down with your drinking," your sister nags from behind him.

Your brother-in-law hands him the car keys without saying anything and goes inside his car the second it arrives. Han keeps staring at the car keys with blank eyes, doesn't know what to do with them but is too embarrassed to let everyone knows he doesn't have a driver's license.

"Why don't you hold little Lee for me?" You asked.

He opens his arms without complaint and takes little Lee from you, watching as you come to your dad, probably to explain the situation. He sees your dad nodding and takes the car keys, you’re probably telling them you can’t drive their car. It's just great that they now know the reason why he didn't drive is not that he doesn't know the way around the town, but he simply can't.

Han reluctantly follows you to your brother-in-law's car and sits on the passenger's side with sleeping little Lee on his lap.

Thankfully no one says anything because your sister is too busy taking care of his drunk husband but it doesn't make him less embarrassed.

He's happy to be back in his room in the basement and pities himself for being an incompetent man. How are you going to tell your family you proposed to a man like him?

The knocking on his door makes him jolt on the bed, he gets up to open it to see you standing there, carrying folded blankets in your hands.

"I brought extra blankets because it gets cold in the middle of the night," you said with a smile.

He steps aside and lets you in, watching you put the blankets on the bed and when he thought you'd be leaving after, you sit at the end of his bed.

"Is it warm enough for you?" You asked with your hand flattening the creases on the bedsheet.

"Yeah," he shortly answers and sits on the other end of the bed from you.

"Just tell me if you need anything or text me," you told him.

Well, he badly wanted to leave so you and your family can happily celebrate Christmas, with or without him, it's not going to make any difference anyway.

But he can't just leave, he knows how much you have prepared yourself considering how big of a deal this is for you. He knows you need him and he agreed to it, in conclusion, it's both of your decision to do this, therefore, he should stay here with you no matter what.

"My friends invite me for a drink tomorrow night. Do you want to go?"

You must have just put on your lotions because he can smell the shea butter scent which he's greatly familiar with. It makes him forget what you just asked him.

"Sorry?"

"Drinks with my friends tomorrow night?" You tried again.

"Ah! Drinks!"

He's not great at meeting new people but they are your friends so he doesn't see why he should worry about that, he knows the type of person you surround yourself with. Also, it's better than staying at home, especially a home that is not his.

"Sure, I'll go with you," he finally answers.

"Okay, great!" You said with a grin that shows how delighted you are that he'll be coming with you.

"Will your friend from tonight be there too?" He has no idea why he asked that, he's merely curious as to what kind of relationship you once had with him.

"You mean Chris?"

He nods.

"Maybe, I don't know but most of my friends are his friends so..." you vaguely answered.

"Your sister called him the star athlete," he says as if you weren't there to hear it too.

"Chris was the captain of the soccer team back in high school and now he's playing as a professional," you explained, "well, everyone knows that he was meant to be a star athlete."

So, aside from your family's greatness, there's this star athlete for Han to compare himself with. His head is getting dizzy from the insecurities that gnawing inside him.

"It's getting late, I'd better get back to my room," you said.

He watches as you get up from his bed and walk over to him, leaning down to land a soft kiss on his cheek, "Goodnight!"

And for a moment, all of his weariness disappeared into nothing and all he can feel is the searing kiss you planted on his cheek.

"Goodnight!" He says before you close the bedroom door.

You are cherished by your friends and it shows, from the way they welcome you with tight hugs and smiles.

Well, the friendship he has with you is enough proof of how much of a good friend you are.

"I want you to meet Han," you introduced him to your friends, again just by his name.

"Nice to meet all of you," he awkwardly tells everyone.

It's great that he doesn't have to go through the night sober, not that your friends aren't fun, it's just not his crowd.

Someone comes into the bar and there's the star athlete, taking big strides as he walks over to the table.

Your friend calls for another round of drinks and he's more than happy to take it, then gulp it down in one go.

"I heard that you're a songwriter," one of your friends tries to make conversation with him even though Han isn't sure if she's sober enough to hear his answer.

"Yes, I make tracks and music, lyrics and stuff," he nervously answers because when he puts it like that, it does sound like a fancy job but in reality, it's far from it.

"That's so cool!" She beams at him and takes a sip of her drink.

"It's not, it's a... a lot of work and staying up late, no sleep," he awkwardly refuses the compliment.

You lean to his side and join in on the conversation, "he's working on a song for a famous singer right now," you bragged to your friend.

"Who?" Your friend is getting curious.

"I can't tell you because it's supposed to be a secret," you lowered your voice at the end of your sentence.

Han snorts in response because only half of what you said is true.

"Then tell me if I've ever heard one of your songs on the radio or something," she slurs her words but sips her drink again.

"There's one, it's called 'Slump'," you told her and rest the side of your body against him.

You feel warm sitting next to him and he can smell your shampoo, your subtle yet citrusy perfume, and the twinkles in your eyes like two clear marbles.

Your friend hums the song and doing it off-key, you nod as you laugh, "That's it! He wrote that song!"

Your friend squeals like she just answered a billion-dollar worth of questions in a quiz, "Oh my God, I like that song!"

"That's so cool!" She says in awe.

You suddenly stop leaning against his body as Chris called for you, shifting your body in his direction to talk to him, leaving him to talk with your drunk friend.

It's only a little past midnight but he feels tired already and he's far from drunk, the exhaustion comes from being social longer than he can handle.

"Let's go for another round," Chris suggests, ignoring that most of the people at the table are already drunk.

You turn your head at Han and see how this is no longer comfortable for him, "I think I had enough drink for tonight," you kindly refused.

Chris laughs while pouring himself another glass, "you're barely drinking the whole night," he says.

Han notices it too, you only take small sips and when everyone was on their fifth glass, you were still on your second.

"That's because I'm driving," you told him.

"Well, I can drive you," Chris offers, smacking his lips together after drinking.

"Next time," you consoled him with an empty promise, "for now, I have to go home."

A smile blooms on Chris's face, "that's okay, we'll be meeting again soon," he confidently says.

You tip your head to the side in confusion.

"The mayor's Christmas soiree," he hints.

Then you remember that your family is always invited to that thing and that means his family too.

Watching you get up from your chair, Han does the same as well and takes his jacket from the back of the chair.

You say bye to your friends who are too intoxicated to pay attention and to Chris who's sulking at his drink.

"Don't drink and drive, Chris," you warned him.

He grabs your hand and smirks, "Are you still worrying me?"

You scoff and gently put his hand away, "just make sure you send everyone home safely," you added.

Now that feels like Han is getting between you and Chris, if only he has that damn driver's license, he would drive himself home right away. But once he lies on the bed, he closes his eyes but he can't sleep.

Then there's the knocking on his door.

"Come in!" He says in the direction of the door.

You swing the door open and smile at him, "round 2?" You asked, showing him the cans of beer in your hands.

It's like you heard his restless mind and come to rescue him, you both sitting on his bed with your backs against the headboard, drinking your beers in silence.

Han feels the need to explain something, "my track is not approved yet," he says.

"Mmh?" You glance at him while drinking your beer.

"She liked my track but she wanted me to change a few things, so..." he nervously wipes his hands on his thighs, "nothing is approved yet."

Take you a few seconds to catch on his explanation, "oh well, that means you're still working on it right?"

He sucks air through his teeth, "yeah but I'm not sure."

"Sure of what?"

"If she'll like it or not."

You catch the hand on his thigh and intertwine your fingers with his, "do you not believe in yourself?"

He's not sure about a lot of things but himself, "no."

"Then there's nothing to worry about," you said with a gentle squeeze on his hand.

"Whether she'll like it or not, you can worry about that later," you added.

That's true, all he needs to do is try his best and save the worry for later. This is why he needs you, you help him gain his confidence without making him feel pressured to do so.

"You're right," he says with a sigh.

You turn your head and squint your eyes at him, "of course I'm right," you playfully said.

Your shoulders shake when you laugh and it makes him notice how close you've been sitting next to him that he can feel the heat of your body, your knee nudges his and he catches you looking at his lips before glancing up to meet his eyes again.

"I'd better let you rest," you said while looking away.

"Are you going to leave without giving me a goodnight kiss?"

It comes out of his mouth just like that, he was supposed to say it in his head and didn't mean for you to hear that. He adds a nervous laugh because the damage has been done.

You stop on your track and turn on your heels, softly laughing while walking over to him.

You lean down to kiss him right on the cheek, a little too close to the corner of his mouth but not exactly where he wanted you to kiss him yet a soft sigh slips past his mouth.

You pull away but maintain eye contact with him, "Goodnight, Han!"

Your eyes put him in a daze and he responds a little after you close the door, "Goodnight!"

He'll never fit into this scene, among these people in their fancy suits and expensive watches.

He doesn't know anyone but you, yet your father keeps dragging you with him so he can introduce you to these important people.

"I'll fetch you a better drink!" Someone says from next to him.

He turns to see your friend, the one who got tipsy, and asked him about his song.

"Oh you're—" then he can't remember what her name is.

She smiles while taking the empty glass from him, "it's Kim."

And he feels stupid for forgetting such a general name, he follows her making a way through the crowd to the bar.

He trusts her to order him a drink of her choice until he tastes it and almost chokes on the first sip.

"It's whiskey," he says and almost spilling his drink.

"Because you can't get through this thing sober," she says and calmly sips her drink.

She takes out something from her purse, a name card then hands it to him.

"I own the cafe next to the ice cream parlor. Come whenever you like," she says.

After taking a glance at her name card, he puts it in the inner pocket of his suit jacket, "who are you coming with?"

She gestures to the man with salt and pepper hair across the room, "with my dear father," she said.

"Then why are you here with me?" He asks and he's aware that he just made himself sound so weird.

"Because I know everyone here but you, I'm curious about you," she says, holding the drink in one hand and the other resting against the counter, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Curious about me?" He stutters.

Kim puts down her glass and props a hand under her chin, "mostly about the relationship between you and my friend," she says.

Good thing that alcohol is only a sip away, "we're just friends," he coyly says but avoids her observing eyes.

She doubts his answer and smirks, "yeah I know but there's something more..."

He's good at deceiving people but not at lying, "we're just friends," he says again and that only raises Kim's suspicion.

Kim bursts out laughing, "yeah, sure," she half-heartedly says like she knows the truth.

"It's the first time she takes a guy home and not just someone's home," Kim says while nursing the drink in her hand, "it's her parent's."

Han grips his drink tight around his hand, "Yeah, well, I know her parents before this so I don't see—"

"And you know her parents are kind of a big deal in this town," she adds, calculating the assessment in her head to come to a conclusion.

She squints her eyes at him, "There's something, right?"

Someone taps your shoulder from behind and he turns around to find you there.

"Is that yours?" You asked, pointing to his drink.

He nods.

You take it from his hand and gulp it down in one go, gasping and wincing at the same time after swallowing the dry whiskey.

"I don't know how many more people my father will introduce me to," you complain and ask for another round at the bartender.

Han unconsciously puts his hand on the small of your back, acknowledging your distress and you smile at him in response.

Just like the night can't get any more interesting, Chris comes into the circle.

"Your father is looking for you," he says to you.

You sigh again and this time, Kim offers her drink to you which you eagerly drink in one long gulp.

"Nice to see you!" Chris says to Han as he takes your hand to bring you back to your father.

"Imagine dealing with that cockiness for 7 years," Kim plainly says.

"We've been friends since high school," she adds and immediately takes the drink the bartender just served.

He doesn't know why he's here and why he should be here, thankfully Kim offers him a ride home even though her sobriety level is kind of concerning.

"I'm in seven inches of heels and still waking straight, I'm good to drive!" She convinces him.

"What about your father?" He innocently asks.

"He served the country 15 years in the army I don't think he'll have a problem getting a ride home," she answers with a sassy eye-roll.

"I'll just tell her I'm leaving then," he says because it's rude to leave without telling you.

"I'll wait outside!" Kim says.

Han searches for you and it takes him a few minutes to finally be able to poke your elbow to get your attention. You excuse yourself before taking him to the patio.

"Hey, what's wrong?" You asked.

"Kim is offering me a ride home so I'm thinking of leaving with her," he meekly says.

You look at him, then sigh, "I'm sorry for taking you to this," you said.

"No, it's okay, it's alright. I got to drink for free," he says with an easy laugh.

You usually would laugh along with him but you reach for the lapels of his suit jacket and flatten them with your hands, then you lay your hands flat on his chest.

"You should wear suits more often because you look good in them," you say with your eyes intensely staring into him and the lights makes your eyes twinkle like a Christmas tree.

Can you feel his heart beating faster under your palm and see the blood rushes to his cheeks?

You slide your hands to the collar of his shirt then at once, put your hands around his neck and softly giggle.

He guesses that you're a little tipsy from the drinking that caused you to act this way, "are you okay?"

You take a step back but end up stumbling on your own foot but Han is quick enough to steady you with his hand around your waist.

Your eyes easily find him again and he can smell the alcohol-tinted breath when you lean in close to kiss him on the cheek, you give him a long kiss, longer than the previous goodnight kisses you had given him.

Then you slowly let go of your hands that have been clutching the lapels of his suit jacket, "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight!" He says back and watches you taking a step back, then back into the crowd.

When he gets into the car Kim is laughing and he realizes that she witnessed the goodnight kiss thing from inside the car, "we're just friends!" He says again with a little edge on his voice, not the best way to assure someone.

"I'm not saying anything!" Kim says while turning the car keys and the car engine sputtering alive.

He tries to wake up as early as everyone else in the house and you usually wake him up when it's time for breakfast.

Except for today, he woke up a little late than everyone. He climbs the stairs with his head down, ashamed of being a slacker at someone's house. He’s glad to find you first, sitting at the dining table working on something on your laptop. You notice him coming to the kitchen and greet him first, "hey!"

He trudges to the dining room and sits across from you, "you didn't wake me up," he meekly says.

"You sleep so well and I know you've been working on the track," you explained and puts your laptop a little to the side so you can see him.

Well, it's not like he's obligated to join in every family thing, he reckons so why must he make a fuss?

"Are you working on something?" He asks, shifting the conversation.

"Just some work emails," you answered and get up from your chair.

"Where are you going?"

"Getting you a cup of coffee," you answered while walking to the kitchen, getting him a cup of coffee.

"I can do that myself," he says but, of course, you don't stop just because he said so, you cook him breakfast after.

You sit there with him as he's eating his toast and scrambled eggs, with your hand under your chin while the other hand holding your coffee mug, a smile on your face.

"Stop watching me eating!" He grumbles with cheeks full of food.

You chuckle and sip your coffee, "I like seeing you eating," you said.

"Look at those cheeks!" You poked one of his cheeks with your index finger.

He stops chewing and glares at you, "we're at your parent's house," he says with a hushed voice.

You laugh at how his eyes widened in slight panic with those cheeks, "so what?" You dared him.

He looks at you and blinks his eyes a few times, then gets back to his meal before he makes assumptions about whether you have told your parents about the proposal or not.

"Where's everyone?" He asks because the house seems quiet.

"Dad and my brother-in-law left early to play golf, they invited you of course but I had to turn it down, I told them you've been up all night working," you explained.

Before he gets the wrong idea, you furtherly explained, "I'm saving you from excruciating hours of golfing in the cold and making acquaintances with his group of friends of important, boring old people."

He sighs in relief and swallows his food at ease, "Thank you!" He earnestly says.

From across the room, Han sees little Lee rush towards you and jumps onto your lap, almost sending you off your chair.

"Aren't you a little too excited?" Han asks him.

He doesn't answer but giggles in response.

"We're going ice skating today," you explain while hugging the child on your lap and keeping him still.

"And we'll have ice cream after," you add with a grin then shake little Lee's hand, "right, buddy?"

Little Lee nods with one finger tugged between his teeth and drool pooling on the corner of his mouth.

"Do you want to come?" You invited.

To him, it seems like you're the one who's more excited about it than little Lee. That sounds nice though if only he knows how to ice skate and remembers that he has been staying the night up, it wouldn't be a great idea to come along.

"Is it okay if I pass? I didn't get enough sleep last night so..." his words trailed off.

Before he can even finish talking, you wave him off and say, "that's alright."

"You should rest, of course!"

Han feels bad for saying no, "it's just that... it won't be a good idea... me and ice skating," he awkwardly explains.

You chuckle at him, "it's okay, Han. I understand!"

He's grateful that he doesn't have to explain himself a lot to you, you understand him so well. It's convenient and nice and comfortable and...

"It'll be just us then!" You said to little Lee with a ruffle on his head.

Han woke up from his sleep around noon and the house is a little empty.

He found your mom packing gift bags in the living room and he realized he should have come with you because it's weird being in your parent's house without you.

"She's going ice skating with little Lee," your mom informs.

Han pretends that he has just heard that now just to be polite, "ah, that's why!"

"There's no one using our car if you want to go," she says, forgetting that it's not that he can't drive, he doesn't have a driver's license yet.

A moment later, your mom is aware of what she just said.

"Or you can help me pack these," she kindly asks.

He shrugs and smiles, "Sure, I don't mind at all!"

A hundred or so gift bags are packed, your mother thanks him for the help and instead of calling the taxi company, Han pulls out the name card he received last night and asks for a ride.

Kim arrives at the front gate of the house almost half an hour later, she was busy at the coffee shop but manages to come to offer him a ride.

Then he remembers he should be thanking her for doing him a favor, "thanks for picking me up!"

"No worries! I'm on a break anyway."

Kim doesn't ask much but starts driving and she drives so slowly, "so where are we going?" She asks when the car stops at traffic lights.

Would it be too pathetic for him to say that he wants to go to the ice rink and watch you ice skating? He gets the impression that Kim is the kind of person that won't let him off easily and would make fun of him for it.

"I was thinking we can hang out at your coffee shop," he settles with a simple answer.

She looks at him and squints her eyes as if she's plotting something, "you're coming with me for last-minute Christmas shopping!" She decides then flash him a teeth-baring grin.

There's a Christmas market going on in town and shopping is never his favorite thing to do but maybe with someone like Kim, it's bearable to him.

They browse things and go from one booth to another, laughing at peculiar items they found.

After getting her things and having them wrapped, Kim is taking him to her coffee shop for a cup of coffee after walking through the bustling market.

"Should we go ice skating?" Kim asks.

Han doesn't see it until Kim pointed it out, the ice rink. You're probably already done with ice skating but what's the harm in checking if you're still there?

"Of course, Chris is here!" Kim says as she stands next to him and looks at the people skating around the rink in circles.

He can easily spot him from his charming smile and cute dimples, gliding through the ice in his skate, he's holding someone by the hand, a child.

"Isn't that little Lee?" Kim asks from beside him.

He recognizes little Lee from his blushing cheeks and crooked tooth, Chris is holding his small hand, and his eyes move to see the other person holding little Lee's hand, you.

Together with Chris, you help little Lee skate with a smile on your face, laughing at how little Lee almost slipped on his skate.

That's what a picture-perfect family should be, certainly not with someone like him.

He'll never fall in that category, not even close.

Kim suddenly links her arm with his and drags him away, "Come on, it's getting cold!" She says.

Kim serves him an iced Americano and a slice of cheesecake, sits across from him then drinks her latte.

"It's on the house!" She says.

"Thanks!"

"They dated in high school, they are what everyone called the high school sweethearts. Everyone wished that they stay together after high school but now they know that this is not a fairytale," Kim suddenly comes up with an explanation or maybe the disappointment is so apparent on Han's face.

He shakes his head and cuts his cake with the fork, "why are we talking about it?" He awkwardly asks and it's only making things obvious.

"They broke up a little before graduation and went on their separate ways, it was big news. That's what happens when two influential families in town got together," she furtherly explains as if to put more salt on his wound instead of mending it.

From the look on Kim's face, he believes she's enjoying it.

"I'm not– I don't—" why he feel the need to explain it? He barely knows him therefore there's no use to tell her what he's feeling right now.

"From what I've seen, Chris is trying to get back to her but on the other hand, she has moved on from him," she boldly states like it's written on the stone.

Han nervously chuckles, a part of him wanted to believe her but the rest is doubts and it's wearing him down.

"For instance, you're totally not her type yet she's taking you here because what?"

Kim leans forward and it's making him feel like he's being interrogated for a crime he didn't commit.

"Because she likes you," she finishes.

He snorts and tries to act coy, "we're just friends," he says.

It's something to cover the fact that the reason you took him to your parent's house is that you proposed to him.

"Nuh-uh!" She refuses to believe that.

"I may not know you well but I know her really, really well!" She lifts her coffee cup close to her mouth and put on a sinister smile on her face.

Rather than feeling like he's competing on who knows you better between him and Kim, he's got this realization that despite knowing so much about you, there's always a part of you that he'll never know just like how the moon shows only a few facets to earth, but never its full sphere.

"I'll just take a taxi home," he says.

It'll be troublesome for Kim to drive him home and then back to the coffee shop when he can go home by himself.

"Gosh! Just get in!" Kim orders with an annoyed sigh while unlocking the car.

Han is about to enter the car when you come out of the ice cream parlor next to the coffee shop and he automatically squats down, hiding behind Kim's car.

He peeks through the car window to see that you're still with Chris and he's carrying little Lee who's eating ice cream on a cone.

"Kim! Are you leaving?" Chris says, putting her on the spot and too late to avoid them.

"We're about to get coffee! Why are you going?" You ask, walking towards her and Han squats lower with his back against the car door.

He closes his eyes and tries to catch their conversation.

"Yeah, I Uhm... I'm going to run some errands. Office supplies!" Kim made up excuses on the spot and covered for Han.

"I'll be back in a bit!" Kim adds and opens the car door.

"I'll be waiting inside then!" You say.

Han carefully watches you again through the car window, walking into the coffee shop with Chris following behind you.

He hurriedly sneaks into the car but slumps down so low to get out of sight while Kim can only shake her head in disbelief.

When the car is far enough from the coffee shop, Han gets back to a proper sitting position and clears his throat, suddenly aware of his action.

"Why are you hiding?" Kim asks and glares at him.

"I don't know?" he meekly replies.

"You said you two are friends but you act like two exes!" She grumbles.

"It's not like that," he tries to avoid the talk but he doesn't know how.

"It's just that... they look good together. I don't want to ruin that..." he finally admits and he sounds so small after that almost like he doesn't matter anymore.

Why is he here? What good it does do that he's here? Who is he to you?

And what are you to him?

Just a friend but you proposed to him and he agreed to it. Just a friend but his feelings are not what one should have for a friend. Just a friend but he feels so restless when it's past midnight and you haven't come to his room for some talk and a goodnight kiss.

Your parents are usually in their bedroom at this hour and your sister always sleeps early, right after putting little Lee to bed. Sometimes he met your brother-in-law in the living room watching TV.

He only needs to take two flights of stairs to get to you and so he dared himself, walking without making any noise.

Your brother-in-law is indeed in the living room watching TV but he's too focused on the soccer match to know that Han is quietly climbing the stairs to the second floor.

The struggle does not stop there, he has to walk past your parent's bedroom, and he tiptoes until he's right in front of your bedroom door.

He gently knocks on the door, just enough for you to hear but not for everyone else in the house.

Not long after, the door swung open and there he sees you, in your night dress with your hair in a messy bun, a glasses perched on the bride of your nose.

He's greatly familiar with this look, he guesses you've been working.

You don't say anything but step aside, "Come in!"

"You're working?" He asks.

You sit on the bed and pat the space next to you gesturing for him to sit there, "yeah, it's an urgent one," you look at the clock on your bedside, "I didn't know it's midnight already!"

Is it okay for him to be happy knowing that the reason you didn't come to his room is that you're busy? When the silence settles in though, he realizes that he's in your room and sitting on your bed with you.

You take your glasses off and put them away, "so, is there something you want to talk about with me or...?"

He suddenly gets a little nervous, he has an excuse prepared for this question then pulls out his phone, "the track is almost finished but I want you to have a listen," he says.

"You want me to listen?"

He nods.

"Okay," you take your headphone inside the drawer, giving him a thumb up signaling to him you're ready.

Han presses play and intently watches you listening to the track he's working on, it's not the first time he got you listening to his works.

You'll listen to the whole track instead of talking in between, when you put your headphones down, he got his ears ready to hear your opinions.

"I like it," you say.

He notices that there's more you want to say to him, "You can tell me everything," he assures, putting his phone aside and sitting facing you.

You softly chuckle, "it sounds like a love song," you finally admit.

"That's the point," he says, "she wants it to be a love song."

You prop a hand against the mattress and lean to the side, "you said you'll never make a love song."

It seems like you remember everything he said and it's true, he said that. He can and is able to make a love song but his lack of belief in love made him think that there's no use to try. A love song should deliver a feeling of what it's like being in love not convince people otherwise.

"Well," he shyly says, "I'm trying new things here."

You place your hand on his knee and gently squeeze, "and that's good," you encourage instead of bringing him down.

"As long as you enjoy doing it then what else can I say? I know you'll try your best in everything you do."

He looks down at your hand on his knee and why did he think that it's hard to reach you when it's just as easy as putting his hand on yours?

When he looks at you, you're smiling so warmly at him and he feels so comfortable in this space whenever he's with you. He feels content even when it's just the two of you.

It's not enough with him placing his hand on you, slowly slipping his hand in the spaces between your fingers, intertwining his hand with yours.

Unexpectedly, you take his other hand in yours and put them on your lap, your thumb making lazy circles on the back of his hand.

"It must have been cold in the basement," you say with an apologetic smile.

It's not about the weather or the temperature, he's nervous and his palms are getting sweaty. His insecurities always show up in a moment like this.

"Not really," he says but the images of him sleeping with two extra blankets flash through his mind.

"It's warm in here so stay for a while," you say.

Is it him or is it you but it seems like the space between your body is close to nonexistent. He can feel the heat your body emits, your intense gaze, and your warm breath brushing his...

Then he feels it, your lips, soft and warm. He closes his eyes, not moving because if he did, he's scared that this will crumble into fragments of his imagination.

He never knew that he wanted this, to kiss you, to taste you until he holds your face in his hands and wants more of it, deepening the kiss.

Both of your bodies close in the gap between you and you grab a fistful of his t-shirt in your hand, pulling him with you as you lie down on the bed.

Deeper, harder, the kiss washes away all of his weariness and peels a layer of insecurities in him.

It's possible, he says in his head.

To fall in love with your best friend.

But the knocks on your bedroom door shatter his thought away.

"Are you awake?" Someone asks from behind the door.

From the voice, it sounds like your brother-in-law and he keeps on knocking that Han has no other choice but to break the kiss.

He lets him go off you and sits at the other end of the bed while you dash to open the door but keep it open just enough to pop your head out, "yes? Can I help you?"

"Here! You left your phone in the kitchen," your brother-in-law says.

You take the phone and hold the door, "I was busy with work I forgot to take it with me."

"It keeps on ringing, I think it's Chris," he adds.

"I'll call him back, no worries."

"I'll head back then. Night!"

"Thank you and goodnight!" You say back and immediately shut the door close behind you.

You keep standing there instead of sitting on the bed holding the phone behind your back and Han takes it that it's his cue to leave.

"I better get back to my room," he says.

You catch his hand but when he turns around to look at you, you don't say anything.

"It's late. I better get back before anyone knows that I'm in your room," he says with a small smile.

"Can't you stay?" You ask with eyes that instantly got him under your spell.

Unfortunately, the sound of your phone ringtone breaks the spell.

"Goodnight!" He says, exiting your bedroom as soon as possible.

He lingers there to hear you pick up the call and faintly listens to you talking on the phone, "hey Chris, you've been calling me?"

Remembering that he shouldn't be here and eavesdropping on you, he walks back to the basement and into his bedroom where it feels exceptionally cold tonight.

He lies awake on his bed and thinks out loud if you're just a friend but why it feels more than that?

Since everyone in the house is busy preparing the festive for the Christmas dinner, Han volunteers to babysit little Lee.

He doesn't want to give you the impression that he can't do a simple favor like this when he's been staying in your house and you've been taking care of everything he needs without a word of complaint.

Besides, he's only watching over a little human who's been living for two years in existence, and as a grown man who has lived far longer and experienced more things than him, this should be an easy task.

Or so he thought.

After two hours of playing with legos, playing at the playground outside, then spending most of the time chasing him around the house, he takes back what he said.

But regardless of how tiring it was, Han enjoys spending time with little Lee, probably because he's just a toddler who doesn't ask too many questions and doesn't make him feel judged. If anything, he finds the joy of being carefree one more time, it's like going back to childhood where everything is so much simpler.

As little Lee rests his little head on his lap while watching The Grinch together on TV while sucking a bottle of milk, Han can see that his eyes are drooping. Her mother did say that it's his nap time soon.

He endearingly pats his head to lull him to sleep and the next thing he knows, he's dozing off as well and when he wakes up you're sitting next to him on the sofa, his head is resting on your shoulder.

His eyes frantically search for little Lee and you hold his hand down.

"His father took him upstairs earlier," you assure him.

He sighs in relief and rubs the sleep off his eyes, "I didn't mean to fall asleep," he explains.

"That's okay. Everything is pretty much set anyway," you calm him down.

Out of nowhere, you offer him a plate of cookies, "I bake some cookies," you offer, or more like telling him to take one to taste.

He takes one from the plate, "have you been sitting here holding a plate of cookies and waiting for me to wake up?" He asks with a laugh.

You shyly laugh and put the plate down on the table, "yeah, pretty much so," you joke.

Han laughs again to finally take a bite and chews it while you wait in anticipation for his response.

"So?"

"It's good," he honestly replies and shoves the rest into his mouth, it tastes better remembering that he just woke up from a nap and is hungry.

The surprise doesn't stop there, you bring a glass of milk for him.

"You've been sitting here with a plate of cookies and a glass of milk?" He asks in surprise and a suppressed laugh.

You nod and grin at the same time.

He takes a moment to take everything, sitting there with you and the Christmas tree blinking in the corner of the room, the snow piling outside the window, and the heat from the fireplace. Then your smile doesn't wear off as you watch him eating cookies.

He feels warm, inside and out.

"Chris and I... we're just friends now," you suddenly said out of the blue.

Han pauses chewing his cookies to listen to you speaking.

"Our break-up..." you take a shaky breath before continuing, "we were both immature at that time and we ended things pretty badly," you added.

He sees you clasping your hands together on your lap with your thumbs picking at its nails which means you're nervous and he believes it's because you're uncomfortable talking about this to him.

He breaks your clasped hands and grabs it with his, "you don't have to explain everything," he softly speaks.

You put on a small smile and continue, "I know but I also need you to know that he's been carrying that guilt for years, for dumping me, for how things ended."

You look down at your lap, "that's why he acts like that and that's why I cater to him, I thought that would lessen his guilt but..."

Turning your head to look at him, your eyes meet his in an instant, "he took it as a mixed signal and I explained everything to him. That was why he keeps calling me last night."

Now that you said all that to him, he wonders if he gave you a look that asked for an explanation from you and he feels bad for it because you don't owe him anything.

“I told him I don’t intend on getting back together with him,” you concluded.

Yet, he's unable to find anything to say because a part of him is relieved to know the truth.

"Thank you," he blurts out without thinking or maybe it's his subconscious that tells him to say that.

A smile rises on your face and it's getting overwhelming to him with the intense eye contact.

Maybe it's the atmosphere or his desires disguised as gratitude that push him to lean in and gives you a long peck on the lips.

Your eyes are still closed when he pulls away and you open them seconds later to find him looking at you.

Flustered, you look away and get up from the sofa, "I'll iron your shirt for tonight," you said then leave the room.

They're having Christmas dinner at home but everyone is dressed so formally. Not that he's complaining but it's making him nervous.

When he looks at you though, you're quite the opposite. Red dress and a sweet smile, sitting next to him on the dining table, talking so politely as your father asked you about your work.

He's happy that it's a family-only Christmas dinner but there’s a downside to it. At a big party, when it gets overwhelming, he can hide in the corner and people wouldn't notice but this, he doesn't have an escape plan for a scheme like this.

So when your father starts asking him questions, everyone's attention is on him. He felt invisible before but now he feels like he's under a big magnifying glass.

"What do you usually do on Christmas eve?"

It's a simple question but his panic gets to him, making him tongue-tied and frozen in his seat.

A warm hand grabs him under the table and he looks up to see that it's you, smiling so warmly at him.

"Han usually works during the holidays too," you answer for him.

"Oh, really? A hard-working man, I see?" Your sister inserts herself into the conversation with a teasing smile.

"He's a hard-working man," you say back without a doubt.

Han shyly smiles at your sister, then at your father, gaining a little confidence from your hand gently squeezing his, "first of all, I think it's the first time I've had such a festive dinner," he playfully remarks.

Everyone on the table chuckles and it gets easier from there, he feels silly for overreacting earlier when your family is nice and all.

After dinner, everyone gathers in the living room and talks with a glass of wine in hand, little Lee runs around and insists on opening a gift early. Maybe it's the alcohol or the fireplace or the fact that Han gets tired just from watching little Lee running around and then throwing a fuss about opening a Christmas gift early or the snowfall outside the window.

He feels so warm and the warmth fills him to the brim.

The doorbell rings and your brother-in-law is the one who opens the door, letting the person in without questions.

"Who is it?" Your mother asks.

Your brother-in-law comes in with someone else behind him, "A lost puppy!" He jokes.

Chris comes while carrying a red scarf in one hand, "I came to give your scarf back," he says to you.

But what you do is look at Han with an apologetic smile, hurriedly coming to get the scarf from him.

"Thanks! But you don't have to give it back tonight... I—"

Your words got cut off as your father hands him a glass of wine, "Come and have a drink. You must be cold!"

Since your family welcomes him, you don't have a choice but to let him in as well.

It doesn't take long for Han to become invisible all over again no one notices he just left for the kitchen but not you. You see him eating a plate of cookies alone while looking out at the window.

"I see that you're enjoying my cookies!" You said.

He gets startled and snaps his head at you, a bit surprised that you suddenly came behind him.

You start giggling at his shocked reaction, putting a hand on the small of his back to calm him down, "I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle you!" You meekly said.

He laughs at himself for being so silly, "why are you here?"

"I should be the one asking you that," you said back with squinted eyes.

"Why are you here?

He can't find anything proper to answer your question, but he believes that you know why.

"Well, you see that I'm trying to eat all of your cookies all by myself," he playfully says.

"I'm going to have a bite, then before you finish them all!" You bite the cookie he's holding.

He stares at you and it's not easy to ignore it, "why are you staring at me like that?"

He places a hand on your waist and he doesn't know when did he get this bold, "you're so beautiful tonight," he compliments.

You dare him by taking a step closer without breaking eye contact, "only tonight?"

See? It's nice when it's only the two of you and he repeatedly nods to answer your question.

"I take it that I'm cute on any other day," you said with a sly smile.

And he wanted to kiss that smile so bad.

Your hands are on his chest and his hands are on your waist, closer and closer. Your warm breath welcomes his lips but before they can touch, someone steps into the scene.

"Did you find the wine?"

You both turn around to see Chris standing there behind the kitchen island.

"Your dad is waiting!" He adds.

You and Han exchange a glance before getting off of each other.

"Uhm yes, it's here!" You take the bottle of wine you put on the kitchen counter earlier then pull open the drawer to get the wine opener.

"I'll just have to open it first!"

Why it's always him? It's always him. He doesn't mind if it's any of your family who caught him kissing you but when it's him, it just seemed like he's there just to ruin the moment.

"I'll open it for you!" Han offers first and takes the wine opener from your hand.

But Chris walks up to you and takes the bottle of wine from you, "I'll do it!" He also offers.

Han grabs the end of the bottle while Chris grabs it by its neck, "I said I'll do it!"

"I can do it faster," Chris confidently says with an intense stare, way too intense to try to win a bottle of wine.

They're caught in an intense fight for a bottle of wine but you're aware that it's more than that. They've been at it for a few minutes now, trying to get the bottle from each other. You only wish that no one is going to get hurt and from the two, you choose the one who would listen to you better.

You hold Han by the elbow to stop him, "just let him do it," you said.

But instead of letting it go, he uses all of his strength and yanks the bottle away from Chris, with the bottle all shaken up the cork pops open and it splashes all over him, creating a puddle on the kitchen floor.

Han looks up to see you giving him the look he always gets from people, a look of disappointment.

Han is half-naked and been waiting for you in the laundry room while you're going to get him a new shirt, borrowing one from your father's closet. Watching his shirt being washed inside the machine, his thoughts are swirling along and it's foaming, bubbling up inside of him.

Why is he here in the first place? Why would you ask him to come with you? So your family knows what a loser he is? Or so you can show that role model of a man called Chris?

The sounds of your footsteps derail his train of thoughts but not his anger.

"I hope it fits you," you said, holding a new white shirt and opening the button one by one with your hands.

He holds out his hand, asking for the shirt from you but you get behind him and holding the shirt for him so can easily slip his hands into the sleeves. You turn him around and start buttoning up the shirt with the constant whirring of the washing machine playing in the background.

"You should have proposed to him instead of me," he says with an edge to his voice.

"Chris is handsome and he's nice and he's an athlete, I'm pretty sure he makes a lot of fortune than me."

But you ignore his words and continue buttoning his shirt in silence, not batting an eyelash at his words.

"Your family likes him too," he adds.

Once you finished, you turn around to face the washing machine, putting the fabric softener into its container.

"You shouldn't have taken me here," he sadly says.

You slam the container shut and turns around, "did I ask how much money you make?"

The room is dim with the only source of light coming from the light bulb but he can see that your eyes are glossy.

"Do I ever physically compare you with someone else? Do I ask you to have a stellar career? "

Each question feels like a needle prickling his skin and it hurts.

"Have I ever made you feel like I'm patronizing you? Have I ever..." you paused to catch a breath, "have I ever made you feel that way?"

He tried to speak his thoughts out loud just in case you have made a mistake in choosing him, he wants to enlighten you by laying out all the facts but he didn't mean to make you cry like this.

You clasp your hands together and look down, "is it wrong of me wanting you to know my family better so you can get close to them, to the people I love?"

He regrets it instantly, he regrets doubting your intentions. He takes a step closer, "that's not what I mean," he quickly says.

A tear rolls down your cheek and you immediately wipe it with the back of your hand.

"Please, don't cry!" He begs and searches for your eyes so he can look at you, properly look at you so you wouldn't take his words the wrong way. When he finally sees you, your eyes are red and your cheeks are wet with tears.

You clear your throat before speaking and lean against the washing machine, "When I think about it... it's not me and it's not my family, it's not Chris," your broken voice echoes in the room.

"It's you!" You poked his chest with your index finger and it feels like a dagger digging into his flesh.

"You're creating problems that aren't there and I'm not responsible for that!"

And you make a deep cut with that dagger as you drag your finger across his chest, he can visibly imagine fresh blood oozing out of it.

Crimson red, almost the same color as the red wine splashed all over him earlier.

"So if you still want it," you wipe the tears on both of your cheeks with your hands, "please get out of your own way!"

You walk past him and brush shoulders with him, climbing the stairs, leaving him with all of his guilt, bleeding alone in the dark.

The truth will always be a hard pill to swallow.

But he has to take it no matter what if he wants to heal, if he wants things to be alright.

As he tries to swallow it all down, he's dragging himself back upstairs, knowing that he's too embarrassed of himself.

He knows he's making himself a loser because you're right, he created all those problems himself.

It seems like Chris already left because he doesn't see him around but he stays by the doorway, watching your family having a great time together in the living room.

He wonders how he ever thought ill of them when they're all fine and have been treating him nicely since day one.

He can't find you downstairs so he figures you must be upstairs in your room, probably still crying because of him.

It's no time to overthink, he needs to go and apologize to you, so he climbs the stairs to only find your sister comes out of her room with hands holding her baby bump.

"We have to go to the hospital!" She says.

"Huh?"

"Help me get downstairs!" She asks, putting an arm around his shoulder for support.

"Sure! Sure!" He says with a panicked voice.

He remembers that your sister said her baby is due next month but from what he sees, it seems like she's going into labor soon.

She starts calling for her husband as soon as she made it down the stairs and he comes to her in a few seconds, bleary-eyed and cheeks red probably from alcohol.

"We need to go to the hospital!" She says.

"But I— I drank—" he stutters with his alcohol-tinted breath can be smelled from where Han is standing.

Your sister hits him on the shoulder repeatedly, "I told you not to drink—"

She stops wasting her energy on hitting him and starts calling for you. You come from the direction of the kitchen with your eyes still red and a little puffy.

"Yes?"

"Drive me to the hospital! Quick!" Your sister says while still clutching at Han instead of at his husband.

You don't say anything but quickly grab the car keys and coats, running to the garage to get the car ready by the front of the house.

The family got panic as well and little Lee starts hugging Han by his leg, knowing that his parents have to go.

"Please, take care of little Lee!" Your sister says before she gets out of the door.

Your mother takes little Lee upstairs to put him to bed early while he stays downstairs with your father.

He's never good around parents but the silence is suffocating him, not that he doesn't want to talk but he's afraid of saying the wrong things to him.

He's probably not good at being in a crowd but he's not good at talking eye to eye either.

But he convinces himself that this is what he wanted as well.

He wanted this so he grits his teeth and just does it, coming to the living room, sitting across from your father.

"Sir, I have something to say," he begins with hands balled into fists on his knees, hiding his sweaty palms.

"Sure, go ahead!" Your father says.

He closes his eyes for a moment and convinces himself that this is what he wanted.

Therefore, just like you said, he must get out of his way.

Han waits for you to get home. He waits in the kitchen by himself until the coffee he's drinking is getting cold.

When the car lights flash through the window, he knows that it's you. He runs out of the door and sees you sitting inside the car, putting the scarf around your neck before getting out.

You look surprised to see him standing outside the front door.

"Why are you still awake?" You asked.

He walks up to you, "I'm waiting for you," he simply answered.

You shove your hands into the pockets of your coat and he understands why you're so defensive.

"Take a walk with me?" He asks.

You nod.

The night is so quiet that he can hear the crunch of the snow on every step you take and every breath you take.

"How's your sister?"

"She's having contractions but the doctor is not yet to decide whether she'll be going into labor soon or not," you explained, "she needs to stay in the hospital for further observation."

He sighs in relief, "I was so panic when she came to me," he says, remembering how shocked he was seeing your sister wincing in pain.

"Why were you there in the first place?"

"I was looking for you," he shortly replies.

Somehow the snow starts falling again as you stop on your track, standing there to face him, looking at him but he can't tell what you're looking for in him.

"I was so harsh to you," you said with half of your face covered in your scarf but be can see the regret drawn on your face.

"No, you're right," he says.

He's facing you and taking his hands out of his jeans pockets, "I created this in my head because why would a person like you want to be with me?"

He takes your hand out of your coat pocket so he can hold it, "you're so beautiful and smart and your family is so wonderful. I don't know if I deserve this."

When he puts it like that then yes, it makes sense that he got so insecure about himself and you understand why he acted like that.

You hold his hand back and stare into his eyes, shining under the streetlight, "I want you because you're my best friend."

There's nothing truer than that. You want him because he's your best friend, the only person who loves you in his own way and asks for nothing in return, you both have a sense of belonging to each other's but without having to own.

All the while, Han learns that love is not always what two lovers have. Love is there for anyone with open hearts and open arms and it's a good thing that he is ready to embrace it all.

So he kisses you under the night sky with flurries of snow swirling in the air and the cold of the night that brings you together.

You put your hands around his neck while he holds you close and kisses you more, taking your breath away as snow piling on top of your head.

Noticing that you're getting cold, he breaks the kiss and holds your hand, "Let's get inside!"

Back inside the house, you both struggle to get away from each other. None of you want to stop kissing as both of you make your way to his bedroom. You stop walking at the base of the stairs and be the one to break the kiss first, "do you bring any condoms?"

Why did he get flustered by such a simple question? He's an adult and a responsible adult should bring one because who knows that something like this would happen.

You laugh because he stays quiet and not answering your question.

"Why don't you wait inside and I'll get some from my room?"

He nods.

"I'll be back soon," you give him a peck on the lips and back to climbing the stairs.

In the bedroom, Han doesn't know what to do with himself.

He thought of taking his clothes off but that would be presumptuous of him. Should he sit on the bed? Should he lie down on the bed? Should he brush his teeth first?

Who the fuck brushes his teeth before sex?

He gets even more nervous with every minute passed that he's pacing around the house, feeling stuffy but refusing to loosen his tie.

Then the door swung open.

It's the first time that you come to his room without knocking and he sees the reason why. You come into the room in your silk robe and all of your hair down, you must have applied a fresh coat of red lipstick because your lips look so fucking luscious like a freshly picked apple and he wants to take a bite.

It's like he's drawn to you, he approaches you but maintains a safe space. Another step closer and he would probably pounce at you like a wild animal.

You put down a box of condom on his bedside table and it's enough to make his imagination goes haywire. You stop right in front of him and take his hands, putting them close to your body.

"Open it!" You softly spoke and it sounded like you just cast a spell to him that his body obeys your words, untying your robe.

He pauses for a moment before parting the robe open and thinks so hard. Is it okay to open such a gift when it's not Christmas yet?

He'll take his chances and take the robe off of you, letting it dramatically fall onto the floor. His eyes focus on your face and resist seeing lower than that because he knows he would lose his calm.

You lay your hands flat on his chest and slowly slide them up, holding the collar of his shirt while looking up at him through your lashes.

"Let's make it fair, mmh?"

It was a few hours ago that you put the shirt on him and now you're the one who also takes it off of him, slides it off his body then puts it aside. His skin feels hot as you place your hand on his chest, touching him with just your fingertips yet it feels like you set him on fire.

You glide your hands down his abdomen and rest them on each side of his waist, bringing your mouth close to his ear and whispering, "You can touch me too you know."

But his hands are stuck to his sides and you ended up putting them around you.

It's obvious that he's nervous and you don't want to force him to take things further, you press your forehead against him, then ask, "should we continue or...?"

He closes his eyes and softly exhales, "I didn't know that badly wanted this until now," he answers with a breathless laugh.

You hug him and laugh into his shoulder, holding him close until he softens around you, wrapping his arms around you.

From there, he slides down the strap of your bra to make a long trail of kisses on your bare shoulder. He drags his mouth to your neck, kissing down the column of your throat and making you softly whimper into his hair.

He's only getting started but he's drunk in the natural scent already that he needed to take a breather in between, looking at you and cupping your face in his hands, then kissing you more.

The sound of his belt hitting the floor makes him aware that your hands are working open his slacks and you're unzipping them in a painstakingly slow motion like the tension isn't unbearable enough. You let it fall down his legs and pooling around his ankles while you crash your body with his, kissing him again.

He envelopes you this time, putting his hands around you and kissing you back, needy yet tenderly.

With your hands on his chest, you steer him to the bed and push him down, making him sit on the edge of the bed. He takes a second to take his pants out of the way and pulls you close, inviting you to sit on his lap.

"I didn't know you have this many muscles," you said with an impressed smirk.

His muscles are firm and contracted when you put your hand on them, your hands seem to hesitate to go lower than his abdomen.

"You sound disappointed," he seems.

You briefly kiss him on the lips, "hmm... a little," you joked.

He understands that well because he has been with you for these past few years and tonight, he realizes that there's a lot that he's yet to discover about you. That you have an alluring body, every part of it lures him to touch, to taste and he's more than eager to cater to it. You have a tiny little tattoo on your ribcage of an outline of a heart and you have a mole right above your navel. Your skin is warm and soft with a scent that gives him a sense of comfort he doesn't get anywhere.

He has just so much to say about you that he can't find the words to verbalize his thoughts.

"Can you take this off of me?" You asked as you put his hand on your back.

"Okay," he answers, unclasping your bra and taking it off of you as you asked him to.

How can he avoid seeing those breasts when they're right in front of his eyes? He uses his hands to cup your breasts then uses his fingers to touch your hardening buds. He uses his mouth next and fills his mouth with ample flesh, gently sucking, and teasing your nipples with his tongue.

How can he stop when every part of you satisfies all of his senses?

Your body is unknown water, uncharted territory yet he dares himself to explore so he lays you down on the bed, so eager to discover more of you.

He catches a breath while admiring your naked body against the white sheet, flustering under his lustful gaze.

You take his hand and bring it close to your mouth, making him feel your lips under his fingertips, then you put his two fingers into your mouth.

He can't tell which one is hotter, the inside of your mouth or how you suck his fingers with your eyes fixed on him.

Slowly, you pull his fingers out of your parted mouth, wet with your saliva and you take his hand to where you wanted him the most.

"Touch me there," you said as you put his hand between your open legs.

When he thought you're going to let go of his hand, you keep your hand on his and start making a circular motion right on your clit.

"Like this," you added.

You're so delicate that it feels like he's touching a flower and it’s blossoming under his touch.

He continues touching you how you wanted it as you pull his head close to kiss him, moaning into his mouth as he applies gentle pressure on your clit. If not kissing you, he kisses your neck, and your chest, taking your breast in his mouth and continues sucking on your nipple.

With your moans growing louder, he's sure that he's doing well down there. Confidently and carefully, he inserts two fingers into you. You grip his shoulder as he starts pumping his fingers in and out of you.

"How about that?" He asks as he looks down at you, "do you like it?"

You hastily kiss his mouth and gasp, "I like it so much," you answered.

The room that is usually cold feels intensely warm that night with your moans bouncing around the walls, replacing the quietness with your lustful noises. His hand is drenched with your essence, it tells him that you're getting close to your climax.

Your back is arching and your eyes are screwed shut, biting your lower lip to try to muffle your moans even though you know that's useless.

"So close," you told him, burying your head into his chest.

Han keeps going with the same move but adds more speed but his eyes are focusing on you, doesn't want to miss the sight your face would make as he makes you cum with his fingers.

"Cum," he says with his lips grazing your cheek.

He presses a sloppy kiss on your jaw, "flood my hand," he adds.

You try to stop his hand from keep going only tells him more that you're on the brink of orgasm.

"Cum," he whispers, casting the spell right into your ear.

And you let go, holding on to him as you cum right into his hand.

After a moment, you lay back on the bed with your eyes closed, jaws slacked open while you try to catch your breath.

Fuck! He did that, he just made you cum with his hand and he wonders if he do that again.

Suddenly you pull him by the neck to kiss him, rolling on the bed and kissing him until you both run out of breath.

"Condom?" You reminded him.

"Yeah, condom," he foolishly repeats your word and reaches for it on his bedside table.

You snatch it from him, "I'll do it," you volunteered.

Well, he doesn't have any reason to say no but lowers his boxer, revealing his stiff member at you.

You silently giggle after taking a glance at it then say, "you're so hard."

Isn't it obvious that you're the cause that his cock is fully erected with a shining bead of precum leaking on its tip? But he doesn't want to give you the satisfaction of letting you know that, he shrugs and smirks instead.

You crawl over and sit on his thigh, ignoring the fact that he can feel your wetness against his leg.

Instead of putting on the condom, you put your finger on the tip of his cock and lightly circled it, smearing the precum all over, then delightfully having a taste of it.

"I wonder..." you said, didn't bother to finish your sentence but putting all of your hair to one shoulder and slowly taking his cock in your mouth.

"Ah... fuck..." he didn't mean to curse out loud like that and he quickly gets a grip of himself.

He can feel your tongue swirling around his cock before letting it go.

"Do you want me to continue?" You asked.

Truthfully, he doesn't give a damn. Whether it's your mouth or anywhere else, it's a win for him as long as it's with you.

"Later?" You asked again.

He takes a breath before answering, "However you like."

You tip your head to the side and smile, without saying anything unwrapping the foil packet in your hand and rolling the condom down his cock without a hassle whatsoever. You lean in close to him and kiss him on the lips, "want you inside me now," you innocently said, in contrast to the favor you asked of him.

Having sex with your best friend? It gives him the ick just from thinking about it.

But that was him a few months ago.

Now, as he's fucking you deep and steady while you squirm and moan under him, he thinks that this is the hottest sex he's ever had and he's not even close to cum.

The fact that you're his best friend tells him that he can trust you and that somehow elevates the intimacy.

"Han..." you breathlessly called him.

He responds with a haste kiss on the corner of your lips, "mmh?"

"You can cum," you said to him, allowing him to cum since you already cum earlier.

He plans on going as long as possible because you just feel so fucking good but that's also the reason why he can't last long. It’s just too fucking good!

He picks up the pace and relentlessly thrusting into you, kissing you while he keeps chasing his high until he's free falling into endless pleasure.

You hold him close as he continuously whimpers, staying still with his cock still inside you, filling the condom with his cum.

"Are you okay?" You asked with a kiss on his lips.

He inhales air through his mouth and exhales it at once, "more than okay," he answers as he drops his head onto your chest.

After gathering all of his senses back, he finally gets to look at you and sees you're smiling at him. He suddenly cracks a laugh.

"What?" You asked, curious about what he's laughing at.

"Fucking your best friend," he says in disbelief and cracks another laugh.

You laugh along and nod at his remark, "I know right?"

Maybe once didn't feel real enough so you initiate another round and who he is to refuse your offer? It's just exactly what he wants.

"Let's take it slow this time," you said, then slowly lowering yourself down his cock.

He sees how your parted mouth lets out breathless moans all the while he's holding you by your waist. How come you still feel this good?

When he's fully sheathed in your velvety walls and he feels all of your weight on him, oh... it's pure unadulterated pleasure.

"Ouch!" You yelped as he grips your waist too hard that his nails dug into your skin.

"Sorry," he immediately apologizes and puts his hands around you instead.

You start by slowly rolling your hips and doing it without holding back your moans.

He's glad that the two of you doing it in the basement and not in your room, or else he would be having problems trying to muffle the noise you make. He can't ignore it too, you're so tight and warm and you keep sucking him deeper as you start moving on his lap.

You change paces a few times and if it's not that, you add more intensity to your movements. You said to take it slow but he can't tell if he can do that, heck! He doubts he can last longer than the previous session.

As if you heard his cry for help, you take pause and kiss him so tenderly. You taste the same as a piece of gum that doesn't lose its sweetness with every chew.

But it's you who tugs his lower lip between your teeth and gently pulls it down, giggling so cutely like what you did does not affect him.

"Chris is so stupid for dumping you," he doesn't know why but it crossed his head just like that. It's just that you're so smart and beautiful and kind and sexy and fucking him so good and Han doesn't get why he dumped you. The only conclusion is he's fucking stupid.

"Yeah, fuck Chris!" You playfully added to his remark.

"No, don't!" He hastily says.

"No?"

"Yeah no, don't fuck him!" He says while shaking his head.

Your warm breath brushes his cheeks as you laugh, "how about fuck you?"

He notices the wry look on your face and he likes it, how it implies that you're up to no good.

"Yeah, fuck me indeed," he says.

He kisses you hard as you start moving again, pulsating your hips against him, taking his cock deeper into you and sending him close to his high. But seeing you enjoy fucking him is what arouses him the most. You look so vibrant and alive and fucking attractive.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful!" He blurts out with dreamy eyes looking into you.

"Let's cum together," you said.

With your hands on his shoulders as support, you pick up the pace. He helps by guiding you by your waist and bucking his hips from under you.

"I'm close, I'm close," you repeatedly said with eyes screwed shut.

"Good cause I can't hold it much longer," he gladly admits.

You manage to put on a smirk while both of you try to chase your highs together and when you do, you melt into him.

Despite the cold, both of your bodies are coated with a thin layer of sweat. Despite the sticky skin, your bodies tangled together on the bed.

"We should have done it a long time ago," you sigh on the top of his head.

Han looks at you and says, "I agree."

He kisses you and continues the kiss down your chest, stopping there at the valley of your breasts. He holds you like that for a moment, indulging himself in the warmth of your embrace as you slip your hand into his hair, fingertips softly scratching his scalp.

He's listening to the sound of your heart beating and he feels just as alive. He's never been sure of himself but this is where he wants to rest his head at the end of the day for the rest of his life, close to your heart.

He tilts his head to look you right in the eyes and he wonders why he ever doubted you when you're the only thing that's certain in his life.

It's Christmas morning and yes, he can see that the snow starts falling again from the little window.

He turns his head to see that you're already awake as well, "good morning," he sleepily greets you.

You smile at him before answering, "morning!"

Now that your eyes have met, you lean in close to each other and kiss.

You shyly smile when you pull away but nestle your head further into his neck, "how do you sleep in this cold?" You asked.

He pulls the two layers of blanket and covers your bare shoulder with it, deciding that it's best to pass the question when the cold now has its perks.

He turns his whole body to face you and holds you close, looking at your bare face but that only makes him want to kiss you more.

So he did, he kisses your lips and cheeks and forehead and then your lips again, longer than the previous one.

"I'm so happy," you said.

Han puts away the strands of hair from your face, "yeah?"

You nod, "I'm happy that I get to wake up on a Christmas morning with you."

Just like everyone else, Han has a list of favorite things he keeps in his head but this, you saying that you're happy waking up on a Christmas morning with him with a bright smile on your face would go straight to the top of the list.

"I don't know about you but this is the best Christmas gift I've ever received," he said with a peck on your lips.

"What? Fucking your best friend?" You poked fun at him.

"Yeah, that too," he jokes back and pulls you closer.

He glances at the clock on his bedside table and usually, everyone in the house is already awake at this hour. It just hits him now that the two of you had sex at your parent's house and the possibility that someone might hear the noises scares him.

You recognize the horror on his face, "what?"

"Shouldn't we go upstairs since it's Christmas and your family is probably already... ?" he can't finish his sentence but gulps air to relax.

"Well, yeah..." you answered.

"But maybe a few more minutes? It's warm and nice and I still want to cuddle with you," you said with a pair of pleading eyes.

Deep down, he knows he's prone to your charms, always have and he believes, always will.

Almost half an hour later, you are both dressed and ready to go upstairs for breakfast. You stop when you see the book you told him to put in his backpack.

You take it and hand it to him, "your Christmas present!"

"Huh?" He takes the book with eyebrows knitted together.

"Open the book!" You ordered.

He obeys and it flips right to a part where a letter is tucked between the pages.

He takes it out and looks at it in curiosity, "What is it?"

You shrug.

He opens the letter and unfolds the paper inside, it's a receipt for a purchased desk.

"It's a new desk," you said since he's slow on processing it.

"Oh?"

"It'll be delivered when we get back," you added.

He shyly smiles because he always said he will buy a new one but didn't have time to do it. It's a little surprising because when he thinks about it, he's been keeping his Christmas gift with him this whole time.

"Thank you!" He sincerely said.

"You're very welcome!" You said back.

Fortunately, no one catches you coming together from the basement and walking past the living room to see little Lee too excited to open his gifts, impatiently ripping them open while sitting crosslegged on the carpeted floor still in his pajama.

Your father is also there, watching over him while sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Merry Christmas, dad!" You said with a quick hug.

"Merry Christmas!" He follows suit but skips the hug, he wants to respect his private space.

Your mother joins in after, bringing a tray of toast and pastries. You go to the kitchen and return with mugs of coffee in your hands, having breakfast together in the living room.

He sits next to little Lee and plays together with his new toys while watching you exchange gifts with your parents.

A new leather belt for your father, a pair of beautiful silk scarves for your mom, and a new set of legos for little Lee while you keep the ones for your sister and her husband aside.

It takes you a minute to find the gift he puts under the Christmas tree for you.

Your face lights up when you recognize his handwriting on the wrapper, "you didn't tell me!"

He shrugs and smiles.

You neatly unwrap it and carefully do not tear right through the content inside, finding a leather case for your drawing utensils.

He knows the one you use right now is worn-out and you need a new one.

"Oh, this is... this is very nice!" you cooed and not hesitating to kiss him on his cheek.

"Thank you!" you said while holding it close to your chest.

While Han freezes there that you just kissed him right there, in front of your parents.

He silently takes a look at them, but none of them seem to mind, they're busy talking about the piling snow outside.

The festivities don't last long since everyone has to get ready to go to the hospital to visit your sister.

Han puts the bags of food and change of clothes your mother packed into the back of the car.

Before getting in, he makes sure little Lee is safely tucked in his baby seat.

You're warming up the car as you wait for your parents to come out of the house.

"About the proposal..." you began.

Han pauses as he's about to click his safety belt in place, "Yeah?"

"We can just tell them next time," you said.

You look ahead at your parent's house, "I wasn't aware of how much pressure I put on you so let's just take things slowly.”

You turn your head at him with an apologetic look, "and I'm sorry," you earnestly apologized.

The hospital is a little emptier than usual and it's a good thing. That means a lot of people are celebrating Christmas in their homes with their families in good health.

But it's also sad to see some people sick in their hospital beds on a day like this.

He comes into your sister's room a little late, carrying bouquets of flowers for your sister as a substitute for a Christmas gift.

"This is for you," he says, handing one of the bouquets to your sister.

"I hope you'll recover soon!" he sincerely wishes.

Your sister gladly takes it from him and puts it as far away as possible from little Lee's reach, "Thank you so much, Han!"

He smiles in response.

"And the other one?" Your sister asks, eyeing the other bouquet in his hand.

You also look at it and give him a puzzling look.

"It's for you," he says, holding out the bouquet to your mother and waiting for her to take it from him.

She gives him a sweet smile before taking it from him, "aw, thank you!"

His palms start to sweat and he wipes them to the back of his pants, swallows hard before taking a stand among your family, one deep breathe later, he starts speaking.

"Now that all of your family is here, I have something to say."

He can feel sweat form on his back and all these pairs of eyes are on him, making him even more nervous.

Your eyes widen and there's a layer of concern on your face, guessing what he’s going to say but at the same time have an inkling of what it is about he would likely announce.

"Han..." you said with a concerned tone.

He takes your hand and pulls you to stand next to him, holding on to your hand like it's a lucky charm. He looks at you again and gains a little confidence.

"Last night, I asked your father for permission to propose to you," he says.

Everyone let out collective gasps but the ones from your mother and sister are the loudest.

You squeeze his hand and look at him in disbelief, confusion is visibly drawn on your face. You must be surprised because it's so unexpected.

He licks his dry lips before continuing, "I'm going to ask you..."

He takes your other hand and holds them both in his hands, "Will you marry me?"

You crack a laugh of disbelief but your eyes start to water, there’s a dead silent going on and everyone else is holding their breath waiting for your answer.

"Just say yes already!" Your sister impatiently chimes in.

"Shut it!" you shout back.

You look back at him and laugh again, it's the fact that he did it so unexpectedly that makes you so speechless.

"Yes," you said while nodding repeatedly.

He's too nervous to hear you the first time, "Huh?"

"She said yes!" Your brother-in-law shouts a little loud that a nurse who was walking past the room glares at him.

"Sorry, it's just that someone proposed to my sister-in-law!" he apologizes with a cringing smile.

Everyone laughs and cheers at a moderate volume while you crash into his hug, "are you trying to be cool, huh?"

"No, I was trying not to faint," he answers a little too honestly.

Everyone burst into a laugh and start congratulating both of you, there's no champagne but your mother starts passing apple juice in paper cups.

Your father leads the toast and a little before that, you interrupt with a confession, "for your information, I was the one who proposed to him first."

He pulls you to his side again and looks at you, this time, he doesn't hesitate to kiss you on the lips right in front of your family.

When he pulls away, you grab the collar of his shirt and kiss him more.

"Oh my God, there's a child here!" Your sister reminds you while covering little Lee's eyes with her hand.

But you're too happy to care and hug him again.

"Is that how you feel when you proposed to me?" He asks with a low voice that only you can hear him.

"Why? you feel like dying?" you joked.

"yeah," he innocently answered, "but of happiness."

You smile at his answer and put your hands around him, "exactly like that."

He understood now why you needed his answer that badly and he can't explain how happy he is right now but he guesses it also comes from the fact that the happiness is not only his but also everyone else's in the room.

Maybe this is why it truly is the happiest season.

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