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genericpuff · 4 months

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the last few episodes of persephone moping around have felt like less of a self-reflective moment for her to grow and change and more rachel griping about criticism and surrounding herself with yes men

this isn't gonna be in any way a formal essay like my usual sort, more of a slam post honestly, so fair warning that i'm gonna be a little salty here

EPISODE 263 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

but seriously, it's been a pity party of greek proportions because this constant "woe is me" shit with persephone that's constantly met with "no queeen you're amazing and perfect" has been going on for DAYS (real time and comic time)

literally every episode since the comic returned has had some segment of either persephone or hades (or both) being upsetti spaghetti over their current situation because oh nooo persephone made the deal with erebus and had to sacrifice something. even though they both knew that was gonna happen and yet she did it anyways. so she just continues to lock herself away in her mansion and spout adorkable quips while her husband, mother, and colleagues deal with the mess she caused.

and of course there's the constant inclusion of apollo spitting straight facts about persephone being a terrible queen and person, but of course because it's apollo saying it, it's not meant to be taken as gospel, essentially clapping back at the words of the critics who call out persephone for being a shitty and toxic protagonist by putting those words into the mouth of a literal rapist.

and yeah episode 263 had a lot of the same shit, to the point that you could literally swap out the names of the characters and the words they were speaking and it applies exactly to rachel and the corner she put herself in u.u it's been a thing for a while now that apollo has just felt like a mouthpiece for LO criticism but as mentioned by users within the subreddit during the discussion of this newest episode, it's never felt more apparent than now.

so yeah enjoy this satirical text edit of a sequence from the newest FP episode, which I honestly can't tell is meant to satirize the critical community or Rachel's reactions to the critical community because the weird reality this comic and its community exist in has just become that wack that it's hard to believe it's not directly from The Onion sometimes LMAO

-and as much as i find myself empathizing with the pressure that rachel is surely under right now - no one should have to be subject to the screeching howls of the peanut gallery - i can't help but be reminded of the memes and tweets she's put out that basically outright say "persephone is supposed to be celebrated for being a shitty person, if you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best 💅"-

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-and how often she's ruined her own day looking for critical groups or people with the "wrong opinions" that were minding their own business, or how much she's stifled her own community's attempts to discuss the story openly by having her mods ban anyone with even so much as a question regarding persephone's integrity.

so yeah, as much as i can empathize with her from one creator to another that being under this amount of pressure and scrutiny must be immensely frustrating and exhausting, beyond that one similarity i just can't empathize or relate to this mindset of almost learned helplessness that's taken a firm grip over her writing. this is the story she wants to tell and by all means no one is entitled to make her stop, but if she's gonna keep using her greek myth "retelling" comic that's trying to be "feminist" as a mouthpiece for her own griping over criticisms that are largely on-point and justified - to the point of putting the words of her critics into the mouth of her token villain like she's playing some single player barbie doll "act out that fight that sounded cooler in your head" game - then she's gonna keep getting called out, full stop. i figured she didn't have any nose left to rip off in spite of her face but apparently not.

look, i get it, there are some opinions and behaviors within the critical community that even i'm not on board with. there are people who absolutely take shit too far on both sides of the fandom, and i think both sides need to do more to hold themselves accountable for how they interact with each other, the comic, and rachel herself. i make it a point to keep my shit in my own house, i'm not entitled to rachel's attention and frankly it's the last thing i want because i have a lot of fun here and i don't want that to be potentially ruined or dampened! but if you come into my house and complain about the decorating, then i legitimately don't know what to tell you. i used to love LO and i'm so sad for my past self knowing fully well they're not gonna be able to wholeheartedly enjoy this comic forever due to how manipulative and shitty the storytelling has become. a story that i once connected to as an AFAB who was a victim of assault and abuse and generational trauma.

if persephone being the true main villain in her own story was ever meant to be the point of Lore Olympus, then it's taken way, way too long to get to that point, and rachel herself definitely doesn't seem to be of the mindset that that's what she's become with all of her blasé meme'ing on a plot arc that she's still expecting us to take seriously. persephone was never a very complex character to begin with - being an easy self-insert for the audience and rachel to project themselves onto and relate to - but at least in the beginning she felt like she had so much legitimate potential, she was naive but put her best foot forward and clearly wanted to make a life for herself, made by herself.

now she's just mean. jaded and mean. dependent on the constant validation of others to the point of being manipulative. an absolute shell of a person who can only grow a spine when she's punching down on people weaker than her, completely incapable of standing up to the people who are a legitimate threat to her. it's not empowering, it's not subversive, it's just another pick me story about women pitting themselves against other women and never taking accountability for their own behavior, mistakes, and deliberate actions meant to hurt others, often teetering on the line of straight up narcissism all for the sake of a "boss babe" moment.

anyways, if you want an actual well-written and GOOD scene of an empathetic female protagonist struggling to find their footing in adulthood being called the fuck out for their learned helplessness behavior, go read Tamberlane, it tackles this topic much better through its main character who keeps using her brokenness as an excuse to never do better, it slaps and it's so real.

#the only thing i could possibly enjoy from these episodes is minthe coming forward #and leuce #and tori #other than that they're just a bunch of nothing #no plot #no yeehaw #just boohoo #and not even in the good way where you know the 'boohoo' is gonna lead to some good yeehaw #the shitty and toxic way where the 'boohoo' is a personality trait that everyone else has to bend themselves around #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #Instagram

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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B’nei mitzvah in spaceship without Jewish community | Jewish character celebrating Christmas

Hi! Thank you so much for running this blog. I appreciate how much time and effort all the mods have put into it. I finished reading through the whole Jewish tag a few days ago, and I’ve learned so much! I’m writing a Voltron fic (I *know* lol) and decided to make one of the protagonists a white nonbinary Ashkenazi Reform Jewish girl. Her astronaut brother mysteriously disappears in space and is presumed dead, so she runs away from home a couple of months before her b'nei mitzvah to find him. Now, she’s in a group of rebels in space fighting against an Empire. I have two concerns:

1. Everyone on the ship misses home, so part of the way they cope is through getting in touch with their cultures. They’re gonna celebrate (a mostly non-Americanized) Christmas because it matters a lot to some of the characters for non-religious reasons. To what extent can my Jewish character participate in the celebration without it being weird? I want her to enjoy herself more because she’s with her friends than because Jesus etc. They’ll also celebrate Chanukah, if that helps. I know Chanukah isn’t a major holiday, so I also want to have her celebrate a more significant one like Rosh Hashanah and/or Purim with them. Is it okay for gentiles to participate in those holiday celebrations, or should she do that alone?

2. Throughout most of the story, she’ll struggle with choosing whether to prioritize fighting the Empire or finding her brother and bringing him home. When she eventually does find her brother (who also turns out to be a rebel), he lets her decide whether they stay or go home. I thought it would be nice if she decided to stay and keep fighting for the greater good after she finally has her b'nei mitzvah. Her friends and other experiences are also a big part of why she decides to stay, but the b'nei mitzvah would be what gives her the final push she needs to decide. I don’t know if it would be okay for me to write the ceremony itself or if she can even have one if only two of the eight people on the ship are Jewish. I read that not everyone has a b'nei mitzvah and that it’s not required, but I feel like it’d be a big deal to her character. Should I keep the b'nei mitzvah idea, or am I heading towards appropriative territory here?

I want to make her Jewishness a big part of her character’s growth, and I really want to make sure I do it respectfully and accurately. I plan on finding a sensitivity reader when I’ve made more progress with actually writing everything out. Thank you for any insight you might offer!

It feels off to me to join a community symbolically when you’re far away FROM the community. Why not just have had her already have done the ceremony before she has all these adventures? That way it could just be a straightforward story about a Jewish teen having exciting heroic adventures in space, rather than a story about what happens when you have to miss aspects of Jewish life because you’re in space. It would also make the “….well, I guess I’m around for Christmas” bit less weighted because then that would be the only one of those instead of having two of those.

–Shira

I’ll cover some other territory here. For those who don’t know, b'nei mitzvah is something you just automatically become at the correct age, the ceremony is simply to celebrate that with the community. Not all people have the ceremony, but if you are Jewish, and of age (for religious purposes), your status changes with or without it. Personally, I’m comfortable with showing a Jewish character finding a way to have a Jewish celebration when the circumstances are less than ideal, for me the other aspects of the story are more troubling.

On the subject of having a Jewish character celebrate Christmas with their friends… look I don’t like this trope. There are many Jewish people, who are completely secular, who don’t celebrate Christmas, because it is explicitly a Christian holiday, and secular Jewish people are still Jewish. Some Jewish people (secular or otherwise) do choose to celebrate other holidays, and I am very comfortable with those folks telling their own stories. What I’m not happy with is the push from outside of the community for every Jewish character to slide into assimilation.

Some Jewish people will go to Christmas parties and not eat the food, because they keep kosher, or won’t stay for a tree-lighting, because that feels like it goes too far, or will give presents but not receive them. There are a huge number of ways we might handle Christmas, and I appreciate that you plan to show holidays other than just Chanukah (and yes, it’s fine for non-Jewish characters to join her in her holidays, if she invites them), but I always question why a non-Jewish writer is so keen to show Jewish characters celebrating Christmas. The most generous version of me wants to assume that you get so much out of Christmas that you want to share it, but the part of me that knows about the pressures to assimilate, and the history of increased antisemitic violence around Christmas thinks… just leave this kid alone. She missed her celebration, she’s far from her community, and now she has to go put on a Happy Assimilated Smile for the culturally Christian folks around her. From a nonbinary Jewish perspective, it’s a little unusual for your nonbinary character to use she/her pronouns, and use b'nei mitzvah as a gender neutral alternative to the gendered bat mitzvah. In secular life, at least in the US, it’s not uncommon for people to use multiple pronouns, but I haven’t met, or even heard of, a single person using gendered pronouns secularly, and using new neutral alternatives religiously. It absolutely could happen but, because it is so unusual, to me it reads as either invalidating the character’s gender, or tokenizing her in the religious sphere.

–Dierdra

Shira, I think that’s a really good idea to make the character post-b'nei mitzvah. That way you just have a Jewish character having adventures rather than her culture being The Conflict. (And also, a pre-b'nei mitzvah seems a bit young for this storyline? Can she really consent to fighting alongside the rebels? Do they habitually take unaccompanied children on their ship? To me a teenager would make more sense, but hey it’s not my story!)

Dierdra, your answer regarding the Christmas aspect was awesome and really thorough. Thanks for your thoughts on the pronouns as well, it also jarred with me but I was waiting to hear your opinion as you have lived experience. My worry is if you use gender neutral terms for one but not the other, you risk falling into to the stereotype that only marginalised religious folks have to change our language etc to be inclusive to LGBTQ+ people, but everyone else is fine.

I wanted to come back to the point about Rosh Hashana. First of all, thank you for acknowledging that we have holidays that are more important than Chanukah! Sooo many OP’s don’t know that. In terms of how she would celebrate it, I agree it’s fine to invite non-Jewish people along. However, given how community-based Jewish life is, making her keep Yom Tov on her own feels a bit like a torture story, especially when others have people to celebrate Christmas with. I wonder if you’ve thought about giving her a Jewish friend on the ship? Especially if you want her Jewishness to be part of her growth as you mentioned, an older Jewish friend and mentor could be a huge help :)

–Shoshi

As you can see, we have a wide range of possibilities for “what happens when you ask a Jewish person about celebrating Christmas.” I didn’t mind hanging around it as an outsider myself until a certain subset of Christians started being mean-spirited about it in the news plus some personal trauma that time of year, as long as everyone involved was clear that I was just participating from the outside and this didn’t somehow change me. (If I may make an analogy: compare it to going to a baby shower when you want to support your friend or family member but also really don’t want kids of your own. You’re going to have a whole different experience if your decision is respected vs. if all the other guests treat you like you being there means you’ll change your mind about not wanting kids.)

That being said, it’s still all over the map. Some people IRL are okay even going to mass with their partner’s Catholic family (without participating in communion obvs.) Some would never, ever do that and are sitting here with shocked faces that I even typed that. But what becomes important is the way it’s written. Sitting around listening to the Christmas story is probably a bad fit for your fanfic, but helping other people bake Christmas cookies or put ornaments on a tree could work. The ornament thing could remind her of decorating a sukkah, and she could point that out to the others.

I guess I’m saying is

keep her participation secular, and

keep her participation from leaning into the idea that we’re unhappy with our customs and would prefer to do it their way.

I have literally never in my life felt jealous of the kids who “got to do Santa” (for example) and while I’m sure some kids were and they’re valid too, I think it’s important to show that it’s not a universal phenomenon.

–Shira

#jewish #non binary #B’nei mitzvah #holidays #Christmas #Jewish Holidays #submission

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theseerasures · 4 years

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Frozen 2 Reaction Post

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this is 5000% because i don’t wanna do other stuff, but is it not poetic justice that i should come back to the tumbls for Frozen 2: Elsa Runs Away Some More

i’m gonna prologue this by saying that by and large i enjoyed the film tremendously; of course since this is 2019 i would have enjoyed anything that didn’t end with Elsa committing nonsensical war crimes before being put down like Old Yeller or pulling a no-homo to transcend time and space (that’s right, i’m hip enough to know about TWO of the biggest media fiascos this year, you jelly?), but the film was enjoyable even beyond that, mostly in how it affirmed my own opinions about the universe

HOWEVER, there were also huge problems that really have to be addressed, and we’re gonna start with those

cut for length and a truly immense amount of spoilers

things i didn’t like:

so the Iduna being Sami All Along thing was, um. bad! it was bad, and really reads like the team trying to cover their asses after the blowback from the first movie. why was it such a big deal for ~a Northuldran to love an Arendellian~ when Arendelle was 100% at fault in the conflict? were the spirits just like “oh the indigenous tribe that has cared for us and lived alongside us for centuries are fine i guess but OH LOOK the whitest among them just made googly eyes at the son of the guy who wants to colonize and enslave us, let’s root for those crazy kids and make their firstborn the avatar”

making Iduna a White Sami and leaning on the excuse that in real life the Sami people are linguistic and ethnically diverse and some of them can pass as white would have been fine if they didn’t EXPLICITLY RACIALIZE EVERY OTHER TRIBE MEMBER ON SCREEN. come on guys, just admit you liked Last Samurai but knew that that exact premise wouldn’t fly anymore

why couldn’t it be just a nice person who saved Agnar? why did we get yet another version of the old Pocahontas fetish?

why did Iduna being Northuldran REMAIN such a big deal to the point that she never told her kids about it and she and Agnar had to tell separate but equal bedtime stories about the same event??

whew i’m so glad this all happened so Elsa, the whitest non-anthropomorphic-snowman character in the movie, could save those savage natives with spears! They Needed Her Guidance

the songs this time mostly...felt like they didn’t really want this movie to be a musical but were contractually obligated to write songs for Disney until the heat death of the universe

case in point: Some Things Never Change was going for the Happily Ever After vibe that the Steven Universe movie had, but it...didn’t really feel earned. we obviously needed a place-setter song, but it didn’t really establish anything about what the characters have been up to or what might be still bothering them, because apparently everything is great! this worked for Steven Universe because it came off of five SEASONS of character development, but Elsa’s last big character revelation that we the audience saw was “wow guess i’m not the worst scum on earth after all.” the timeskip can only do so much, is what i’m saying

Kristoff got NOTHING to work with. i’m not like, horribly broken up about it since i know they had to keep it tight for the kids, but fucking OLAF got a heavier arc than he did, and it feels like a missed opportunity that they didn’t link HIS backstory to the Northuldrans, what with him being orphaned/abandoned/raised by trolls already set up. it doesn’t have to siphon into the White Savior main story at all, just have--i dunno, a few more scenes with the Northuldrans and him realizing that he’s probably descended from refugees who got cut off from the forest

the proposal thing was cute until i realized that they were going to just hit the same beats over and over again with each scene. it should have been resolved in act 1 instead of Kristoff disappearing for half the movie and then tacking on the proposal at the very end. not every subplot has to be stretched out to the end! in this case i feel like stretching it out actually REGRESSED aspects of Kristanna, since it relied on Anna misreading so many signals that it strained believability even for Anna. we’re supposed to think they’ve NEVER talked about this, despite having dated for 3 years and consistently trading off on being the most Extra person in the room?

the confirmation that Olaf’s fingers can wiggle will haunt my dreams

me when the stone giants interrupted Elsa’s conversation with Honeymaren: yOU COCKBLOCKERS

i find myself growing increasingly weary of the now token Disney Wink at Camera, and Elsa rolling her eyes and her past self doing Let It Go was probably the apex of that particular antipathy. showing that you’re so Over the song that made you billions in a movie that you’re shilling to the EXACT SAME CROWD is the most obnoxious humble-flex i can think of

as much as i liked Elsa jumping into the Pit of Past Misdeeds and freezing to death, i think the scene happened waaaaaayyyy too fast, especially if you compare it to how long it took for Anna in the first movie. she’s not really given any time to process what’s happening, and it kind of lessens the emotional impact.

Olaf is gone!! he’s gone, i miss him so much!! i cry myself to sleep!!!! OLAFFFFFFF!!! false. i do not miss him

i distinctly recall liking Olaf just fine in the first movie and actually found him tolerable here too, but wow i was not happy when they resurrected him, even though i knew it was a sure thing

maybe it’s because NOTHING had consequences in the end and even Arendelle, the place that all the characters have been treating like a thoroughfare for two movies, had to get saved at the last second!! Arendelle the place??? we were supposed to care enough about that to want it to be saved?? it’s not the fucking GALACTICA guys! there weren’t even any people left in the town! it’s bizarre that they tried to go so hard in the reparations route and then swerved at the last second. let Arendelle drown you cowards! let the Northuldrans offer help in solidarity if you really wanted the “bridge between worlds” angle, but come the fuck on! didn’t something like this happen with Life Is Strange already?

why didn’t Elsa go to her sister’s coronation is it just like a thing now for her to miss the major life events of her family members

the statues they unveiled at the end were horrifying

things i liked:

a lowkey thing that i’ve always appreciated about the first movie was its willingness to Go There when it came to depicting well intentioned parents who are still mired in various character flaws and wound their kids deeply, so it was nice to see that return and get expanded with parents who had Lives separate from their kids which made them That Way, and the consequences of those Lives often come back to influence subsequent generations no matter how much they try to keep it contained. it’s a good, logical extension from what happened with Elsa in the first movie.

and it’s another Steven Universe vibe, but they can go further with it faster because Elsa and Anna are the hegemony in this movie. they’re the history-makers, so their family drama very easily becomes political, and the lessons they pick up from family memories immediately end up changing the fantasy history landscape. it’s dope

baby Anna’s lil feetsies

Anna wanted to marry everyone and Elsa thought kissing was gross

everyone does feel palpably older! the first movie had a very teen feel insofar as everything was We Have to Do This or We Will All Die Immediately, but this time around all the characters feel much more comfortable in their own skin throughout the movie

everyone getting more than two outfits and all wearing pants

the revelation after so many headcanons of Elsa being a ruthless pragmatist, Elsa always being two steps ahead politically, Elsa being a literal and metaphorical chessmaster that Elsa is...actually just kind of spacey and weird was for me extremely welcome. i think part of this was done in service of Anna becoming queen at the end, but it makes sense. “attack it with ice powers” and “run away” are still pretty much the only two strings to Elsa’s bow. this is not to say that she was a bad queen, or that she didn’t try her damndest to be a fair and just ruler--when it comes down to it i think Elsa still knows more Facts about how to rule a kingdom than Anna ever will, it’s just that she’s also horribly averse to conflict and “pacing in place while blaming herself” is pretty much the extent of her productivity under serious pressure.

what sets Elsa apart (other than the ice powers) isn’t that she’s prodigiously talented, but that she’s kindhearted and extremely sensitive to the emotions and fates of others. (she’s the one who asks what happened to the spirits when Agnar is done with his half of the story.) she agonized over hurting Anna one way vs. hurting Anna another way for THIRTEEN YEARS and still couldn’t make up her mind until she was literally backed into a corner, and even that decision was “run away but FARTHER.” Anna wanting to reconcile with Elsa even after thirteen years wasn’t just because Anna’s love eclipses all; Elsa also left that door open for her, because she could never be quite as ruthless or even SELFLESS as to send her sister away for good. (”then leave! actually jk i’ll leave instead”)

but Anna wasn’t ever the exception for Elsa, either. Anna wasn’t the only corner of Elsa’s heart that she left open--Elsa’s like that with EVERYONE, even people she just met, or disembodied voices in the wild. Elsa can never do quite as many Right Things as she thinks she should, she can never be quite as driven, as strong, as single-minded as she thinks she needs to be, to fully commit to making decisions for other people. she feels too deeply and wants too much, even after all those years of trying to scour herself out with a lathe. it’s what ruins and saves her.

Anna and Elsa being horrible at charades in diametrically opposite ways was the most life affirming thing to happen to me this year

Elsa couldn’t act out ice

the two of them had MULTIPLE conversations with each other that didn’t immediately result in mortal peril!!! what a world guys

Into the Unknown fucking slaps but i’m now REALLY confused about the diegesis of the songs in this movie. i’d assumed they were all happening in story, what with the Voice and the multiple references to Let It Go, but Elsa literally bays at the moon in the middle of the night here and no one woke up??? maybe they’re all just really heavy sleepers who knows

or maybe the staff just take it in stride at this point--oh, Her Majesty is singing and crying again

Kristoff and Anna CANONICALLY FUCK, and not even in the typical cartoon “look they have kids, they canonically fuck” way in the “hey my sister and her snowchild that we’re all coparenting together are asleep on the sled, shall we fuck a mere three feet away without even putting up a divider or something” way

gotta give Jen Lee kudos for making the “Elsa has ice powers because she’s the fifth spirit” retcon make thematic sense. the most obvious way to go about this WOULD have been the avatar direction, but Elsa isn’t the union of the four elements but the union of the spirits and humanity, which is to say that she witnesses them and keeps their memories, bringing them to life and solidifying them with her powers. she’s obviously the best person for the job, since y’know. she spent thirteen years on one memory alone.

wait does this mean Elsa is basically the Resurrection Stone?? buhhhh i don’t wanna think about it

of course Anna’s sword just came from her grabbing it from an ice statue i don’t know what else i expected

i laughed at both of Olaf’s reenactments i don’t know what to tell you

i feel...Some Kinda Way about the discourse saying that Mattias being black is problematic because it suggests black collusion in indigenous genocide, but it’s not my place to comment on that, so i’ll just say that it was a pleasure to see Sterling K. Brown having fun in a role instead of his usual gravitas and misery

Elsa first making eye contact with the icemander, or Two Feral Creatures Recognize Each Other As Such--i can’t believe i thought Hiccup would be the weirdest horse girl i’d ever encounter in fiction when it’s OBVIOUSLY Elsa

ELSA COULDN’T ACT OUT ICE

what a novel concept to have Elsa charging forward while Anna tries to pull her back, telling her to slow down, that she’s climbing too high

appreciated the subtle seeding they did of Anna’s political savvy, what with her actually talking to the lost Arendellian soldiers and restraining herself from making outlandish promises to everyone she meets

Kristoff made a friend!

Elsa met one (1) girl that wasn’t her sister and immediately decided she had to live in the woods forever

Tribe Leader Lady’s reaction to Kristoff’s proposal

can’t believe Lost in the Woods invented cinema and music videos

the sisters at the shipwreck is hands down the best scene in the entire movie, aided by the drastically different palette they used to color this scene--all grays, browns, and blacks, even the surrounding environment, like Agnar and Iduna’s despair polluted the whole landscape. Elsa and Anna look horribly out of place here, like they can’t possibly be real in a world that looks like this.

it really snuck up on me how much this scene is a pivot for both of their characters: Anna’s instinct here is to look forward, to find clues that will point them to the next step; Elsa’s instinct is toward grief and, after the reveal, self-blame. for all her growth there’s still a part of Elsa that sees her existence as the catastrophe that keeps hurling the wreckage of the world at her feet. it’s something that i don’t think she’ll ever be able to completely move past.

Elsa, looking at Anna like she’s the only real thing in the world as Anna tells her that she believes in her, more than anyone or anything

“i just don’t want you dying trying to be everything for everyone else!” jesus fucking CHRIST guys

Olaf’s growing up crisis was mostly just...kinda there for me, but i will say the cut to his horrified expression when Anna said the word “dying” really did get to me

Anna switching between a Formal Court hairstyle and an Athleisure hairstyle is Bi Representation, Elsa getting increasingly more disheveled over two movies is Lesbian Representation

do i Get horse movies now

Elsa happy crying when she sees her mother in the cave made ME incredibly happy--her face is so much more dynamic this time around!

i wanna make fun of her for her stupid Dance Dance Revolution ice magic during Show Yourself but honestly..........fucking superb you funky little lesbian

aw Elsa you stood up to...an ice hallucination of your racist grandpa! in another three years (six years in production) you might be ready for Thanksgiving dinner

Elsa in the last movie: i’m never going back, the past is in the past!!!!

Elsa in this movie: brb gotta go hurl myself into a Pit of Past Misdeeds and turn myself into one of the embodied memories

Anna immediately understanding what went down at the forest before and that even if she wasn’t directly complicit in the violence she benefits from it every day, deciding to rip down Imperialism Dam without hesitation

The Next Right Thing didn’t really do it for me musically but as a core concept for Anna’s character and ethos it fucking ROCKS (pun obviously intended). i was so worried going in that they wouldn’t know what to do with Anna after the first movie other than give her powers, but instead we got confirmation that this IS her superpower: her ability to forge ahead with whatever life has given her has ALWAYS been her greatest strength.

this also explains why she felt so aimless and intent on protecting Elsa and nothing else before this point; Anna isn’t interested in delving deeply into the past, not when every other member of her family was consumed by it. with this she’s finally able to convert memory into action, and she shines.

(of course she couldn’t have GOTTEN to this point if Elsa hadn’t been so convinced that the past was worth pursuing, confirming my belief that the two of them share exactly one brain cell)

OBVIOUSLY action for Anna translates into “make myself bait for stone giants and STAND ON THE VERY DAM I WANT THEM TO RIP APART” Anna you fucking walnut

Anna threw the first brick at Imperialism Dam, actually

the understated moment when Kristoff just pushes aside his own insecurities and just asks Anna what she needs

the shot of Elsa falling into the water after she’s thawed nearly did me in

Elsa horseback riding over the water is. wow it’s the gayest thing i’ve ever seen

Anna’s coronation outfit made me kinda wistful. she looks so grown up! she looks like her mother

(i mean she always looks like her mother they literally have the same face but whatever you know what i mean)

me on my deathbed: eLSA COuldN’T aCT oUt ICE

stray observations:

is Arendelle just a tourist town where one day the guy who owned the largest house was like “this is a KINGDOM NOW I’M THE KING” and the 50 other townies who lived there were just too polite to argue

i mean it’d explain why the queen, her heir, and the heir’s consort could just waltz out of there for a week long trip and leAVE THE TROLLS IN CHARGE

when they first started getting chummy with the Northuldrans i lost my god damn mind and was like “are they gonna give Kristoff a boyfriend and Anna a girlfriend what’s happening”

is it required that female Disney protagonists have to go to a blue tinted place to realize that the magic answer was in them all along now the same exact thing happened to Moana and Rey

Elsa’s ice creations are confirmed to fade away if she dies, which...is a confirmation we needed i guess

why didn’t Mattias and Yelana fall in love to make the Chosen One instead, they had chemistry

(i mean. i know why)

i hope Anna got to yell at Elsa for at least five minutes and maybe slug her for pulling that “i’m going to Mordor alone!!!” bullshit

for a second at the end i was like “are they gonna do the HTTYD thing where we flash forward to ten years later and Anna and Kristoff take their kids to visit Elsa IS KRISTOFF GONNA GROW A DAD BEARD” but no we just had lesbian wind and origami instead

whatever your take on the movie i think we can all agree that the scene where Olaf calls the Irish “a plague on this planet which is slowly rotting it down to the rind and which must be excised” was NOT okay

#'wow i wonder how many words this post is--actually maybe i don't wanna know'#frozen 2 #disney #helen writes meta

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freudsghost · 4 years

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I’m not sure how much personal stuff I want to share on this blog but venting about some stuff helps me process.

So in light of EB 224 I wanna share a bit about what it was like growing up in the south/bible-belt (Texas) and being who I am (a bisexual, Jewish woman) and my experience with Evangelical Christianity and CRU.

Forewarning: this is not a happy story. these are not glory days. it’s dark. trigger warnings for gas-lighting, manipulation, mental, physical, and emotional abuse, corrective/date rape and semi-forced/coerced marriage, dissociation, eating disorders, depression, anxiety and alcohol. Read at your own risk.

I grew up without much religious influence in my life, my dad wasn’t Jewish (he was agnostic) and my mom is Jewish but not overly concerned with religious beliefs. My grandparents were/are Jewish as well and were WAY more involved in religion, but having survived the holocaust were private about their culture/religion.

At 17 I was accepted on a full scholarship to Texas Tech University in Lubbock, Texas. And if there’s one thing Lubbock is known for is being one of the most religious cities in Texas. Predominantly Evangelical Christian.

My first semester, I lived in the women’s architecture honors dorm and quickly made friends with most of the other girls, one in particular I became fast friends with and we studied for almost every test together and were studio partners for almost every project. I’m still friends with her almost 20 years later (its been rough and complicated) so, to protect our friendship and privacy I’ll just call her Mandy.

Mandy was from a small town up north and her father was an Evangelical pastor and her first priority when getting to uni was to find a bible study group. I was NOT in any way involved in that, because I had no interest in christianity. Some time during Spring semester she started leading her own bible study group and invited me to come with her. I knew she was possibly trying to convert me and I resisted. At 18 I wasn’t very good at confronting people on their motivations but I’ve since talked with her about this and we’ve moved passed it with minimal damage.

I was super focused on my school work and sports and she stopped bringing up the bible study. For a while...

That all changed when she brought a few male friends back to the dorms for a calculus study group before midterms. During the study session I really hit it off with one of the guys. He was a year ahead of me, super smart and I thought he was charming and cute. And it turns out he was the leader of Mandy’s bible study. I’ll call him Vick.

Mandy knew I had a bit of a crush on him and got me to finally come to her bible study, with promises she wasn’t trying to push her beliefs on me but just wanted me to get to know Vick.

She also said that their group was welcoming to people of other faiths and were open to other perspectives and wanted me to talk about being Jewish and The Torah. Which was weird, being put into a group where no one else was like me and I was the token Jewish person, having to represent everyone from a large diverse culture. I tried to explain I wasn’t the right person to do that but she insisted it would be fine because I was charismatic and outgoing.

I should also mention that at this point of my life I was extremely outgoing, I had been in many leadership roles and actively sought those things out. I was very comfortable in front of large crowds and at this point I still had the dream of being a musician.

Mandy knew this, and during her time visiting me over the summer asked me if I would be interested in joining the leadership team. I initially said no because I wasn’t at all interested in the religious aspect of their group, but thought that another leadership position would look good on my resume. So I reconsidered and talked with a couple of my long time friends who said I should go for it. It would put me on stage and I would possibly get to be musically creative. And of course I could always quit if I was uncomfortable.

And that’s how I, a bisexual Jewish woman, became the leader and emcee for the Texas Tech Branch of Campus Crusade for Christ, or TTUCRU.

During this time I had grown a lot closer with Vick. We talked on the phone all summer (yes this was before texting and iPhones) and when I returned for fall semester, we started to date. He was the perfect attentive boyfriend. He came across so charming and mature. He was romantic and sweet. Everything I had ever wanted in a partner. By the time my birthday came around in December we were pretty serious about our relationship. I knew he was the kind of man I could fall in love with.

He was also extremely helpful when I had the new pressure to write and coordinate large meetings for a group of people I knew I had VERY LITTLE in common with. I knew I was bisexual. I knew I was Jewish. But most people didn’t know that about me and there was a bit of an unspoken rule that I NOT mention any of those things. Vick suggested I not tell anyone, and it was easy enough to not say anything. I had a good christian boyfriend, everyone assumed I was a straight christian girl. But the whole time I felt like I was being shoved back into the closet not only when I led the group, but every time I was around CRU members. Which was 24/7. CRU became my only social outlet. It consumed most of my free time. It was stressful.

Other things in my life began to suffer, at this time I was still a collegiate athlete (track and field), and I was majoring in not only one or two but three majors and an unnecessary minor and had to maintain above a 3.8 to keep my scholarship. I was constantly stressed, I started having issues with anxiety and didn’t know how to cope. I had a large public position on campus, because TTUCRU was The Organization to Follow for many students. I had to coordinate with other student organizations and get involved with student politics. I felt a constant weight on my shoulders not only to be a star athlete and student but I had to look The Part.

This is where things get really dark.

(I should mention before I continue that I also had a traumatic childhood. It’s a long story but to sum it up, my mom bullied me into an early eating disorder. She treated me (and my father and brother) poorly and abused us all mentally and abused me and my brother physically. It’s left me with a lot of unprocessed trauma I wasn’t even aware of until I was an adult.)

It also left me as an easy target to be manipulated.

I’m not really sure how to explain how it happened and I’m not sure I ever will be, but after a few months I realized that I was a powerless bystander in my relationship with Vick. I felt like something was wrong and that I had no control over my own life. I couldn’t pinpoint anything, and if I mentioned this feeling to anyone I was usually dismissed as being stressed. Everyone loved Vick. He had been CRU’s Most Eligible Bachelor. I was constantly reminded this by other members, that I should count myself lucky to have a man like him, no matter what.

Looking back its because I know that he was manipulating me. He was charming and could talk his way into and out of things without anyone even knowing he was doing it. He talked me into things I would have not normally done at that time. Including how serious our relationship was. I felt like big parts of me were becoming less and less important, things that had once been very important to who I was as a person were becoming less and less visible. Like I was losing myself entirely. He used our relationship and his ties to religion and used our membership in CRU to manipulate me. By the time I turned 21 our relationship was nearly inseparable from our positions on the leadership team. He controlled what I said during meetings, he controlled my speeches and my prompts. He had offered to organize all our media and sound.

I remember wanting to leave, but I knew if I mentioned it to Vick he would leave me and my identity had been so entangled with him, our relationship and CRU I knew I couldn’t. I was convinced I would be nothing without him, without CRU. There were always subtle reminders of this from the culture of the organization. How women are property. None of my accomplishments were ever my own, everything I did was because of Vick or because I was ‘given the opportunity’ by a man. I was also constantly criticized for my appearance. What I should and shouldn’t wear. The size of my jeans. Comments from full time coordinators about how my ass looked too fat. I looked pale and my hair wasn’t right. Vick enforced this. He encouraged me to lose weight and eat less. My already negative body image issues developed into a really unhealthy mindset about eating. I was determined to not be the girl who “gained the freshman 15″. And every time someone “Wow you look so great!” it felt amazing so I just kept not eating.

Somehow a headstrong outspoken rebellious teenager who didn’t give two fucks about other people’s opinions had changed into a 21 year old whose identity was entirely based on the validation and judgement I got from standing on the stage in an auditorium filled with strangers and people I had very little in common with. But all that started to break down right before finals the spring semester of my junior year.

I had moved into a house off campus and I was home alone with Vick keeping me company and we had been horsing around, playing with my dog and out of nowhere he snapped at me and rage I had only seen turned on other people was suddenly focused entirely on me. I still don’t know what sparked his rage and it doesn’t matter. All I know is that he grabbed me and shoved me, picked me up and threw me on the hard concrete floor. After months of treatment and several x-rays and MRIs, I found out that I had two herniated discs that had resulted in nerve damage causing chronic pain, migraines and muscle damage.

I had to quit playing almost all sports after this injury because between disordered eating, weight loss and this new injury I was trying to recover from I couldn’t physically handle the rigorous training. I also got put on some heavy opiates to deal with the pain and doctors at the time had no problem giving me prescription after prescription for heavier and heavier pain killers. Pain killers like Oxy and Vicodin left me in a pretty vulnerable state to be taken advantage of in many ways. Over spring break that year I went on a couples vacation with Vick where we were going to spend one weekend together hiking and meet up with friends to go sightseeing and to an amusement park.

(this part is extremely hard for me to recall both because of being drugged and traumatic processing) The Saturday we spent alone ended with us going to get drinks at a martini bar that was recommended to us by a friend. I don’t remember having too many drinks or having anything beyond one drink at all. I had purposely not taken any pain medication because I knew it could be dangerous. I heavily suspect Vick drugged my drink. All I can recall fuzzy memories of being carried to his car, being carried and half dragged into our room, and Vick roughly taking my clothes off me and holding me down to sexually assault me. I remember being scared and confused. I remember asking him what he was doing. And I remember saying no.

He did this after years of insisting to me that he was waiting for marriage to have sex. He enforced his belief system on our relationship, no questions allowed. I remember waking up Sunday morning the day we were going to meet our friends and feeling sick, sicker than I’d ever felt before in my life. I remember wanting to hide and not see anyone ever again. I shoved myself into the tightest darkest corner in our washroom and cried before calling one of my friends we were meeting with later to prepare her for the conversation I knew I needed to have with her.

She didn’t believe me.

No one did.

I was shocked and humiliated. People’s reactions ranged from “Vick wouldn’t do that he’s an upstanding member of CRU” to “You were asking for it by (drinking)(being on drugs)(being a tease)(dressing like that)(you consented by just being his girlfriend)”

I confronted him about it and told him that I knew what he did. He didn’t even try to deny it. He said he had been drinking and couldn’t control himself. I was certain it would be the end of our relationship. But in the storm of all of this, the two full time coordinators (two older adult men in their 40s/50s) of CRU called me in for a meeting mid-semester. They sat me down for lunch and fired me because they heard the rumors that I had been having premarital sex with Vick and they couldn’t allow someone like me lead their organization. They then used my sexuality and religion they had previously been aware of against me. They called me a whore and a heathen and dismissed me.

I felt alone. I couldn’t turn to my family because they’ve never been supportive. My boyfriend had just done something unthinkable to me and I couldn’t trust him anymore and most of my friends thought I was a liar or a whore. Rumors started. I got the most judgmental amounts of hate I’ve ever had in my entire life from people who had previously been my friends.

(somehow in the midst of all of that I managed to keep my grades up and not fail or drop out lol)

My friends told me if what I said was true, if I had sex with Vick the only right thing to do was to stay with him. They cherry picked bible verse after bible verse, a book I didn’t even believe in, to prove that I was trash unless I was committed to him. That I had to be his wife (property) forever. And Vick refused to leave me. Seeing him made me sick but after refusing to leave over and over again I gave in when he begged for us to go to couples counselling.

(spoiler alert: going to a therapist your rapist has hand picked with them, isn’t a good solution)

The ‘therapist’ was not-shockingly associated with CRU and the church Vick attended. He made it very clear what my role should be and that even if what I said happened, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t rape. It couldn’t be and that I needed to ‘process what it meant to be a good wife’ so I would be a proper woman for Vick. He used words like immature and selfish to describe my emotional upset.

I remember leaving our second and final session crying and angry. I went home and felt even more alone. I felt pathetic. Vick kept trying to salvage our relationship but he ‘warned’ me that time was running out because he was leaving for an internship over the summer and we wouldn’t see each other.

I was right. I had the whole summer to focus on me and getting into graduate school. I was writing my undergraduate dissertation and finishing up important studio classes to graduate a semester early that fall. I remember having this feeling that I needed to run away and wasn’t sure why. But I didn’t use any of my time alone to process what had really happened. I kept denying it. I was filled with so much self hatred, guilt, and shame.

When Vick came back in the Fall he proposed to me and laid it out like an ultimatum. I either had to marry him or we had to break up. He knew how scrambled my brain was, and used everything he could against me. He promised me that I wouldn’t have anything if I said no. I wouldn’t have him, I would loose all my friends that I was lucky to still have and no one would respect or want me ever again. I was terrified and stressed and still on and off pain medication. I had no support system and no support from my family and no real friends.

I remember going home with the ring and bawling my eyes out. I had a full on panic attack and cried for hours. My mom told me to ‘control myself’ because I was overreacting. She loved Vick and told me what a lucky girl i was to have such a good and supporting man in my life. Told me that I was a stupid girl if I said no. So I said yes. We were engaged for over a year and a half. I kept putting off the wedding and I let him plan it all with my mother.

Vick insisted we take time to go thru CRU recommended engagement counseling and seminar after seminar. I forced me to pray with him constantly. He said I needed to ask for forgiveness for what I had done. He started getting more and more jealous and would accuse me of “mentally cheating” if i looked too long at anyone. He would corner me and force me to confess my “adulterous” feelings. I remember believing him during this time. That looking at anyone, strangers or friends, men or women, was horrible and that I was betraying him if I had any thoughts about anyone else. I felt like a shell of a person. I gave up control over most of my life. I had given up trying to end things and decided to make the best of the inevitable.

I knew I didn’t love him. I knew I wasn’t a christian. I knew I didn’t believe in any of it. And I knew I couldn’t love him after what he did. And I knew before we got married he wasn’t the kind of man who could love me back.

We got married on my birthday and I remember crying for hours beforehand. I insisted I was just nervous and stressed. The only person who ever asked if it was what I really wanted was my dad. An untimely question seconds before I was getting married. I never answered him. I wanted to say no. I should’ve said no. I wished I had listened to the gut feeling telling me to run.

That’s where I’m ending my story because the rest is a bit inconsequential to what I wanted to vent about. I left him after eight months of marriage. I had to reach out to friends finally, despite the guilt and shame. I still deal with a lot of internalized bullshit to this day because of him and the brainwashing (I don’t have a better term, sorry) I got from CRU and his church.

As an aside, I just want to say that this is MY story. These are MY feelings and no one else’s. I know ‘not all christians’-- I have friends and family who are christians. But I wanted to share this because I needed to. For personal reasons. And I know there are tons of other stories out there.

If anyone has any questions or wants to DM me just to talk, feel free! I probably won’t be posting public replies or asks about this though. It’s still kind of hard to talk about publicly. <3

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makeyourownmyth · 4 years

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best heard in 2019.

As usual, same caveats apply as for other categories, and as in past years, but less so with music, because it’s the only thing that I’m still decently up with. That being said, there are some oldies here, and I reserve that right.

Songs

Honorable Mentions: Lil Nas X - “Old Town Road,” Pop Smoke - “Welcome to the Party,” and Drake (ft. Rick Ross) “Money in the Grave.”

They were both huge, and I listened to them plenty, I just don’t happen to think they’re very GOOD.

Anti: I try not to shit on any music that’s put out too much, but the second (?) single from Taylor Swift’s album (which is overall quite good!) “Me!” is terrible.

6. Taylor Swift - “Lover” - I love a lot of this album, but this song can get me feeling terribly emotional.

5. Yola - “Ride Out In the Country” - I forget where I even found this song, but it’s such a jam, such a vibe.

4. Rocket Summer - “Shatter Us” - A band that I got from a middle school kid almost a decade ago comes back with a “mature” album that had some decent cuts, but none that hit as hard as this. It’s true, and powerful, and something that I never would have appreciated at the time when I loved the band way more than I do now.

3. Grimes - “We Appreciate Power” - She’s crazy, but this is her at her best.

2. Local Natives - “When Am I Gonna Lose You” - Loved the album, loved this song the most. Put it on a mix.

1. Tyler and ASAP Rocky - “Potato Salad” - My favorite song of the year, and also, I think, the best song of the year. These guys are 2 of the best right now, and this found them just having fun. We could use more rap like this.

Albums

Anti: Again, not trying to talk shit on albums that people loved, taste is subjective, yadda yadda yadda, but these were not for me. Thom Yorke’s Anima, Slowthai’s Nothing Great About Britain, Weyes Blood Titanic Rising, and Bon Iver’s i, i. Nothing more to say about them for me, they just weren’t to my taste. I don’t wanna talk about anything Ye-related.

Honorable Mentions

Helado Negro - This Is How You Smile - This is an incredibly fun time. It’s not on your list and I think it’s right up your alley.

Cautious Clay - Blood Type - The type of album I’d like to listen to more and more. The type of album I think you’ll really like. A weird mish-mash of styles that we never would have thought worked when we were young, but that tends to dominate my lists nowadays. (Steve Lacy-esque?)

Local Natives - Violet Street - Like I said above, I quite like the album, but I didn’t find myself going back to it.

Harry Styles - Fine Line - Just came out, has one of my favorite songs of the year on it, but I’m not ready to commit to it yet.

Freddie Gibbs and Madlib - Bandana - Not as good as their last album, but very good example of older person rap done very well.

J. Robbins - Unbecoming - More people need to listen to this album. It’s awesome, and small, and deserves more pub.

Solange - When I Get Home - Almost made the cut to the real list, but that’s just due to peer pressure. I liked it a lot, but I didn’t find myself thinking about it incessantly like some of the albums that I place above it.

Steve Lacy - Apollo XXI - Really, really, really good. I wish more music like this existed and that it was more popular. It feels exceptionally well crafted, like someone who really knows what they’re doing took a lot of time, and did it well. That being said, very little of it STANDS OUT.

Marvin Gaye - You’re The Man - I actually think this is where my best of list starts, but I feel like I’d be too much of a poser if I put this on there. I listened to this non-stop and I feel like it’s a really good album that not enough people knew even came out, much less listened to. The backstory of it surely plays into that for me, too, but it stands on its own.

The National - I Am Easy to Find - Genuinely one of my favorite albums of the year from one of my bands of the decade. I’m aghast that it’s not in my top ten, but I had to limit it to ten to make it some sort of real exercise, otherwise it would have just been a random number, which I’ve definitely done in the past, but hate to do when it’s MORE than ten. Less is fine, but more feels like a cheat. I love this album, though.

Best of the Year

10. Taylor Swift - Lover - Half of it feels like a pure repudiation of Kanye, but half of it is me knowing that I put 1989 on a list in genuine taste, and knowing that this album is full of pop goodness. It’s fun. There are some significant missteps, like “London Boy” and the “Me!” single that sounds even MORE out of place on the album, but overall, it’s really a sign that she knows what she’s doing.

9. Danny Brown - U Know What I’m Sayin? - He’s done with his childish stuff, he’s making incredible music, and he’s still one of our greatest rappers. Danny Brown feels like the coolest secret that I somehow know a small bit about, but then I’ll see some mainstream pub on him, too, and I’m like, oh, dope, this guy is SUPER well known, like he should be.

8. Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell! It’s a solid album. I’m shocked at the number of people who are saying it’s the album of the year, but I’ll honestly say, too, that somewhere around the 3 minute mark on “Venice Beach,” when I was first listening, it gets so fucking good that my jaw literally dropped and I was like, oh, I guess LDR is a real musician now. And from that point on, the album continued in a way that pleased and surprised me.

7. Clairo - Immunity - This was another one that I thought was AOTY material, but stuff just edged it out, so when I said I thought this was a weak year musically, I guess I was wrong. If I’d had a physical copy of this album, I would have WORN IT OUT. It’s probably my most-listened to album of the year, and I love it the way I loved Alex Lahey’s last album, which means I’ll be slavishly following Clairo for years and years now. No regrets. I think she’s got a HELL of a career ahead of her. Just hearing the first chords of “Alewife” gets me hella choked up.

6. Jenny Lewis - On the Line - I really think if you kick back with this album you’ll find so much to love. The single was really really bad, but it’s the opposite of Taylor Swift: when it arrives on the album, the sequencing honestly makes it seem as though it fits quite well.

5. Alex Lahey - The Best of Luck Club - This is my token placement, but also a genuine love letter to how huge I think she’s going to be. (Or maybe how huge I think she should be, but never will be?) I mean, the songs are heartfelt, and it’s that’s so much of what I want nowadays that I had to put her in the Top 5.

4. Tyler the Creator - Igor - I actually thought this was my AOTY, so making this list it surprised me how far down it fell, but I think that’s a testament to the others as opposed to a knock on this one? I mean, it’s clearly the best album Tyler’s ever made, and the production on it is even better than could have been expected. The fact that he’s changed so much, but is still operating in the wheelhouse that he created for himself (while it’s still evolving!) is proof of the early genius we saw.

3. Jamila Woods - Legacy! Legacy! This is a killer album. I think it’s the best one, that you’re most likely to enjoy, that you’re least likely to have listened to.

2. DJ Shadow - Our Pathetic Age - I disagree with all the critics who call it overlong and a slog to get through the first half to get to the better second half. I think the second half is clearly superior, but I quite like the instrumental side.

1. Billie Eilish - When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? I knew it’d be my favorite when it dropped and that hasn’t changed as the year has progressed. It’s a weird, weird, weird album, especially when I listen to her old stuff and try to reconcile who she is with who she was and who she will be. But I’m cool with that. I mean, shit, she’s 17 and she’s making great art. Keep it coming!

#billie eilish #dj shadow #eoy #best of #lists #music #2019 #jamila woods #tyler the creator #alex lahey #the best of luck club #igor #legacy #our pathetic age #when we all fall asleep where do we go

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medi-melancholy · 5 years

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i’ve been really coming to terms the past few months about my relationship with gender identity and i want to put some of my thoughts on paper. this is is very steam of consciousness so it’ll probably be repetitive or incoherent, but i want to talk about it openly. I PROMISE I’M OK LMAO i just wanna chat to myself

anyone who knows me knows i love dolls. hell, i’m dollkin, of course. and a big part of why i identify with dolls so much is because of physical reasons. a doll can be physically neutral without any sexual characteristics, yet perceived as leaning more towards a certain gender based on how they’re dressed. a ‘girl’ doll may wear dresses and bows and such, but has no true physical gender. if that ‘girl’ doll wanted to, they could be dressed more like a ‘boy’, or stay completely neutral perception-wise. hell, they could wear dresses and bows and skirts and be identified as a boy or as having no gender, in spite of traditionally ‘feminine’ clothing.

i LOVE that. that’s like... an ideal situation to me.

i think another reason i identify so much with the lack of physical gender/sexual traits the vast majority of dolls possess is because i’m asexual and quite sex-repulsed. the thought of ever being around a naked person makes me sick, because i just reeeally don’t want to see any of those parts. i don’t even like seeing my own parts most of the time. i just want to be... nothing.

a lot of my hatred for parts of my body likely relates to my struggles with disordered eating and chronic illness, but that’s an issue for another time.

i would love to have the ability to be neutrally gendered by default. i technically can be if i want to! but because i have ‘female’ physical characteristics, people will pretty much always automatically assume that i am female. i understand it’s an issue to say something like... “having a chest and hips = female!” because that’s absolutely not true, i understand that. but to someone who desires to fit society’s view of what is female, having those characteristics is valuable. yknow?? so it’s not like... an entirely bad concept, if it helps someone be more comfortable and happy with who they are.

by that same token, i bind (safely!) every now and then because i want to be lacking in those physical characteristics, and therefore hopefully perceived as more neutral. hell, i’ve crossdressed before and presented as male for historical reenactment purposes, and i LOVE IT. i love having the freedom to control my gender. it feels so good.

it was easier when i was younger, when i wasn’t curvy. when i kept my hair very short due to abuse, and could easily pass as ‘male’.

these days i spend a lot of time dressed as a stormtrooper or a tie fighter pilot, neutral costumes with helmets with conceal my gender. i cherish the moments i have in those sorts of costumes, largely in part because in those moments it’s not my gender that matters but instead the children i bring joy to, but i digress. there’s certainly a theme with my feelings, though.

i end up feeling most comfortable cosplaying characters of unconventional gender presentation, i’ve noticed.

i had my phase around middle school where i hated the color pink, i hated traditionally feminine things, i never wore skirts or dresses, i wanted the color blue, i wanted pants. i felt weird and out of place trying to fit into ‘girly’ roles. it’s weird to think i was ever in that place, considering my interests now, but it sure did happen. i think a lot of this time might relate to me coming to terms with my sexuality--being asexual, and the struggles of having sexual characteristics--and also realizing i really REALLY like girls. my subconscious thought process might’ve been something like, “boys like girls, and i like girls, so maybe i should be more like a boy?”

i grew up, thank god, in a household that didn’t force me into playing house, playing with dolls, all that stuff. i was welcome to play with whatever toys i wanted, watch whatever shows appealed to me, listen to whatever music i liked. so, i had both barbies and transformers, i had bratz and star wars, i had a mix of ‘girly’ and ‘boyish’ music and movies i enjoyed. i was certainly bullied for this, harshly so, but i’m eternally thankful that my parents have been accepting of me ever since day 1.

for many years i’ve had trouble identifying with being afab, with being a girl, because of my body. i have a hormone imbalance of some sort that does fucked up things to my mind and body, and i suspect i have some sort of issue with, well, the girly internal hardware too, but i’ve been horrified to go to a specialist about that sort of thing because i HATE talking about... those parts, it’s making me feel sick right now. i don’t want anyone looking around down there, EVER.

anyways, my hair grows in absurdly fast and absurdly thick, everywhere, even before i felt pressured to start shaving as a kid. my legs, arms, pits,eyebrows, just everywhere. even my face, i do have to shave my face. it’s... invalidating, i guess, of my supposed ‘womanhood’, so i find myself having trouble calling myself a real girl. i know hair is a natural thing, and i NEVER ever judge other people for it, but i do judge myself.

i’ve often described my feelings as... i want to be a girl, i know on some level that i am a girl. but i’m physically NOT a girl, and i only want to strive for feminine physical traits in some ways, not in others.

it’s a very weird, depersonalizing feeling, considering i’m afab.

there’s also the fact i’m like 6 feet tall, that’s certainly not a ‘girl’ trait. “no one will dance with a tall girl”, the saying goes. i’m leggy and gangly and weird. and somehow curvy at the same time. i look like a joke lol

i wanna mention that i had a phase in high school where if any of my friends asked me what my gender was, i’d just pull up a clip of a la cucaracha horn. that’s still such a huge mood.

ever since i was a kid, i’ve found myself drawn to characters who are androgynous or don’t conform to typical gender presentation, and i’ve never really known why. i figured, maybe that’s my idea of beauty or something? i hate to word it like this but i like... really found myself attached to male characters that presented femininely, or dressed as such, or wear lots of makeup, and i still feel that way? that just feels so safe, so comfortable, so real to me. that’s reflected in my IDs/kintypes too, i really really relate to gender neutral characters, or characters who are ‘supposed to’ be masculine but are feminine instead, or any combination, just... nontypical displays of gender.

it feels so suitable to what i want in life, i think. the same feeling i want to achieve.

funny that pretty much every single character i identify with is a doll/puppet or related to them in some way, too, huh? it all sorta connects, i guess. i value the nonhuman trait of having no definitive physical gender, i guess?

i’ve had people suggest to me before that i’m a demigirl, maybe, but that never felt right. i’ve had people say “hey, sounds like you’re nonbinary” but i just... don’t feel right with that term? just for me personally.

it’s almost like i don’t want to label my gender. it feels so vague, so indistinguishable.

girl a little bit to the left. girl flavored la croix. the tape outline of a corpse at a crime scene, and the corpse happened to be a girl. hint of hint of girl. i don’t feel that all the time, though. sometimes i just feel.. an absence of gender. no gender but with vaguely feminine traits.

at the same time, i worry myself about identifying as a lesbian. i’m only interested in dating people who identify as female, that’s who i end up attracted to. i want a girlfriend, i want a wife.

but if i’m not entirely a girl myself, can i still call myself a lesbian?

well, i’ve never judged or policed other people, so why the fuck am i judging myself? we really are our own worst critics.

anyways, within my close circle of friend-family, i’ve been going by they/them for a while and also neutral terms, for the most part. it feels good, it feels comfortable. it’s not something i’m gonna want 24/7, but sometimes that’s how i’m feeling so that’s the terminology i should use. makes sense, feels good.

i can still be a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend. but i can be a sibling, a datefriend, too. i can use she/her and they/them at the same time, or whenever i’m feeling one over the other

the closest word i’ve found for how i feel is gender nonconforming, but i still don’t want to put a label on myself in this case.

i just wanted to get this off my chest. or... get my chest off. it’s complicated.

you can call me sarah, you can call me medi, you can call me a person who is a girl, a person who’s sort of a girl but sorta not. i dunno. i’m just me.

i thought i had all my identify stuff figured out but these past few months have been Whew

shoutout to my friends for always being so supportive and loving, yall are the best.

and uhhhhhh thanks for reading, sorry for getting so real all of a sudden.

this may have been brought on because i have a new doll kintype whose gender is a fuck and i was like shit, that’s me, huh!

#long post #it me #it sure is me huh #uhhh tw for lots of gender talk i guess idk #nothing upsetting i don't think. just talking about [vaguely gestures at self] All This #OH and maybe like the post if you read it. if that's ok!! i just wanna know who's like... in the know about stuff. if that's alright

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fireeaglespirit · 6 years

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beyond-far-horizons

replied to your post “I’m not surprised by the results. I received it with barely...”

I am so sorry to hear this. I felt it would happen but i hoped.. You feel as you need to. Just know you aren't alone. I was formulating a response to our previous conversation on the subject but it was so in depth I need to give it more time. Please know that from the bottom of my heart I do feel that this is not the end. I dont think these terrible people and their lies and sycophants can endure forever but I do mourn with you all you mentioned.

Please dont throw anything away including your dreams, however impossible know it can come true. Afterall this nightmare is here, so why can't good prevail? I do believe you will be a zoologist one day in a land that respects you. Please try and hold on to that even if you dont feel it now. Still as I said, I respect your feelings of loss and anger. Im here for you my friend.

We all knew it would happen either way. If the results were different, there would likely be civil war and the military would take over (it has been stated by them multiple times)... so we would have instant bloodshed. In a way the results would be the same... TBH I don’t know what would be preferable, its hard to predict.

Anyway, don’t worry about replying, my comments are really outdated on some posts, especially now under this new reality and I have been writing kinda passionately without thinking much.. its just more like little vents. I’m a disaster when it comes to philosophy and often write things that I bet are atrocious for those who are more versed in these matters... I just like peeking my nose on those subjects, lol. I’m better off when talking about things under my sphere of knowledge...

BTW, When you’re willing do write me about alchemy but don’t feel pressured to do so! You can give me links too about it. I’m just curious because it seems like your concept goes beyond the traditional and I know you base a lot of your stuff on this so its kinda necessary for me to understand your works better (not that I don’t do that now, lol! kinda like I’m reading source material to understand many new things and I enjoy it), just that I feel like there’s an underlying element to it I’m not able to grasp entirely and I’m excited to know more, plus I feel like it encompasses those aspects we love so much in fiction...

About the mourning part, yes... I do feel like something is dead. You know, being very poetic here... yesterday I went outside and the moon was beautiful. I just keep thinking:

The same moon has witnessed the rise and fall of tyrants, the same moon has been here to witness the most beautiful and the most atrocious things humanity has ever done. They won’t last forever... the moon still shines ever so beautifully and is unfazed by it.

What gives me respite, is looking at the night sky, and knowing. Eternity lies there, and yet, nothing lasts forever, not even stars. When people look at the beautiful night sky, they often feel an ache on their chest, the fear of the unknown. Infinity shows our own limitations in stark contrast... but tonight I felt respite. In knowing... our little world is just a little part of it, yet its so precious. Life is wondrous yet so terrible.

I’ll cry when the amazon gets chopped off but it can’t be helped. Nature will always rebuild itself and we’re just a tiny speck compared to its relentless might and eternity.

Non-sense, again.. don’t mind me. The mind needs to cope with reality, and we keep creating those allegories in order to soften it... everything is valid, in the end. I can understand why certain things came to be, such as faith.

To the other part, I need to thank you immensely... sometimes we just need to hear a friendly reassuring word and what you said here is just what I needed to hear. I don’t feel so lonely, knowing someone out there understands and respect my pain.

Looking back to yesterday when I wrote that post, it now feels like it was written so egocentrically. Complaining about not being able to follow one desired path in life, while most people are not able to do so. Almost anyone is able to do so. Yet each and every dream that is denied in this life by stupid circumstances is worthy taking notice, including my own. We need to fight and change it. Is all I say now..

About the specific matter of zoology/paleontology, I’m kinda lunatic about it and my obsession with it is not healthy. I feel like its my token of melancholy. I often feel anger towards it and the path my life has taken... its mostly something I feel envy and desire, its hard to explain... my mother and some about me say I don’t need a freaking paper saying I studied something, when I made it by myself for so long. I don’t even know if it would bring me happiness, or if I’d be deluded, I just wanted to try.

I just had this fixation of being a scientist for as long as I can remember. I always loved arts but I never considered it as a career so I don’t feel as strongly about not being able to work with it as I feel with my favorite fields of science.

My desire of studying it formally is perhaps idealized and highly egocentric and a way to validate my own personality and views and be recognized... at the same time, I just want to ‘be in those places’, to be among people who understand it and people close to my mindset, to be a part of it which I love so much: science and pursuit of knowledge per se, without means and reasons, just for itself and the wonder of understanding the life forms I love so much. Its been with me since childhood... its weird and a weakness of mine. I feel a bit of shame about needing that stupid validation, I've tried to let go of it, but it still comes back from time to time... its my personal vendetta and a grudge and every-time I’m sad I get back to it.

I’m kinda mad about it, really. I don’t know what I’ll do in the future, I just feel like I would like to go ‘to those places’ and see it by my own eyes... to have my own little Darwinian adventure and just be there and ‘feel it’. I just dream quite literally that I’m on one of those wonderful universities and museums and seeing the fossils I've loved since childhood. I would be complete quite literally after doing this and perhaps my anger would be diminished and I would be able to let go of it, who knows?

I warned you I’m kinda lunatic about it. Perhaps I wouldn't even be happy as a zoologist proper, I just feel happy loving animals and knowing more about them.. but I’d like to see it for myself and put my inner child who screams inside of me that I’m not what I should be... ‘to rest’ peacefully, and go on to whatever awaits, being it science or something else.

Thank you so much, anyway, I feel incredible good about telling you these feelings which had been buried deep down by years of frustration and failure (LOL). I’m incredible dramatic... anyway... I’m getting over it slowly its not as bad as it used to be and I’m sure one day I’ll be in those places I dreamed of and feel it and what makes me sure is that I’ll never give up until I do so, or die trying.

Don’t feel like you need to reply to those things, lol, I just feel good venting

#beyond-far-horizons #reply

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destroyyourbinder · 6 years

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the girls not like other girls / coming home

One thing a lot of detransitioned and reconciling women have noted is that the only female-centric space they were permitted to have or felt comfortable in was a trans-specific one (i.e. a support group for transmasculine people) and I think this is extremely important to note, whether you are a female person who is trans-identified or an outsider to this whole experience.

As a child, I felt extremely alienated from straight-girl spaces and girl-socializing, even though I had no understanding of myself as a gay kid or as being attracted to women (even though I can see that I was attracted to other girls in retrospect) or even as particularly gender non-conforming. I figured I was "not like other girls", but I had only a crude understanding of this. I was not allowed to express my non-conformity through my appearance-- my mother forced me to wear my hair long and to wear typical girl's clothes, and I was only allowed a certain amount of token resistance before relatively severe abuse kicked in-- so I had little to appeal to in my young brain to explain why I was ostracized from girl groups or why I felt an affinity for boys or fellow strange girls.

I can see now as an adult that there was quite a lot at play: I was awkward and weird in general and had trouble making friends with kids for many reasons, especially with socially astute children who were beginning to learn about and focus on social hierarchy. I found socializing overstimulating and scary in general, and did not want to socialize in a way that involved testing social boundaries and exchanging social information, although I did enjoy the company of my friends. I preferred socializing alongside other children while we had a shared goal, like playing a game of some sort or building a structure. Because a lot of toys and activities intended to inculcate femininity in girl-children are intended to facilitate the former kind of socializing-- such as a jewelry game where girls display how well they can dress themselves according to status-rules and monitor each other's standing, or a kitchen playset where girls are intended to mimic not just making meals but making meals for family members-- I had very little interest in activities designated for girls. I also had a complicated relationship to boy children, where I often thought they were full of shit, boring, and little assholes, but since they were the only ones engaged in things I wanted to do (like jump off the swings) I had to interact with them. I sought out their company and input because even at a very young age I knew male attention and opinions were considered more legitimate, and I figured I could maybe be taken seriously if I spent time with the people who were, well, taken seriously. Maybe they would even approve of me, maybe I could even be better than them. Boy children have intense social structures as well, and they are complicated in their own right; I think some women who prefer or once preferred the company of boys/men like to say their socializing is "simpler" or "easier" or "without drama", but I don't actually think this is true. I think it's easy to forget when socializing with boys or men as a female person that you are not considered the same sort of being as them, and so the fact that it may be easier to interact with boys or men is not a property of men or male socializing in general, but the fact that you are only interacting with a truncated form of their socializing, since you are "only" a girl or woman interfacing with the male world. What I found to be true is that it was sometimes simpler as a female child to interact with boys given that you have no real social position with them-- you have avoided the hierarchy simply by not having the standing to enter one. Boys do not really know how to treat you if you are not readily submitting to a girl role and not easily sexualizable; you sort of fall between the cracks, which can be preferable to being the shittiest girl in a group of girls. I found I was not really at the "bottom" (boys never took me seriously enough to even consider me a true failure) but I could never enter their social structure no matter how hard I tried to play by their rules. I tried to make it clear I had standing with boys through competing with them and trying to outperform them at their own games. Prior to puberty, I tried to compete with boys physically, whether it was by playing bloody knuckles, doing backflips off of the playground equipment, holding races, or doing one-armed pullups. When this no longer worked, I switched primarily to competing with boys and men in intellectual domains, and invested a lot of my self-worth in how good I was compared to boys and men in traditionally male intellectual pursuits like math or logical reasoning, or by competing with the men interested in less masculine areas (but who were still considered the most serious and worthy contenders) like fine arts or writing. I maintained this mentality until I was in my early twenties. I can't say it was a good look.

While I did have some female friends as a child and adolescent, I found it very hard to maintain these friendships, even with other weird girls. There is something inherently anti-supportive and destructive about a friendship with another girl based on how much not-like-the-other-girls you are. I found myself insecure and paranoid that my weird girl friends thought I was too "normal" or too "preppy" or too "girly" for them, that the criticisms and frustrations and vitriol they leveled at girls who ostracized them or who tried to coerce them into femininity work they didn't want to do or who simply made them feel bad were also things that applied to me. I found myself frustrated, too, at my friends for "betraying me" by buying into things or behaving in ways that escalated my insecurity that I was somehow actually, truly inferior for being a girl, and one who couldn't even girl right at that. We were all caught in a bind where we believed both that girls were stupid, but also that we were freaks for personally resisting what we thought was stupid about girls. I can now recognize this as the classic psychology of oppressed people, born of continual abuse by hierarchical superiors and horizontal hostility between people frantically attempting to avoid this abuse and make sense of their situation in a way that allows them to survive it without summoning punishment for resistance. Grooming girls, particularly those prone to be resistant to patriarchy, into this psychology is convenient: it prevents them from recognizing what is really going on and from having solidarity with and compassion for each other. Instead of fighting who was hurting us, we were occupied with fighting each other over who was too obsessed with boys and who was trying too hard to be cool. The trick about this thinking was this: it wasn't that Christina *wasn't* too obsessed with boys. She was, and it was hurting her directly, as well as damaging her long-term development into a woman with a strong sense of dignity and personal agency, and it meant she was willing to damage her friendships for the sake of a dipshit who would dump her in two weeks. We just took the situation as a personal affront to our insecurities about it being proved Cosmically True that girls were stupid sluts, rather than digging deep and giving a shit about Christina and putting the blame where it belonged: the teenage boy four years older than her. Ironically, the straight girly-types were in some ways more successful in resisting patriarchal pressures than we were: at least they had each others’ backs when they complained about boys with each other, at least they were able to share strategies for mitigating the worst of the misogyny they faced. We were left in the cold.

Bizarrely, when I started interacting with other female people who were basically the same Weird Girls, but who didn't call themselves such, those who framed their issues as a gender identity or gender dysphoria problem rather than in the misogynistic way I had framed it in my childhood, I got along much better with them and felt much more understood. It was partially this feeling, that of finally understanding other female people, not being severely ostracized, and having the relief of not being so paranoid of other female people that I was alienating them pre-emptively, that convinced me that my experiences were transgender experiences rather than "just" “regular girl” experiences. Because misogyny had been removed from the table almost entirely-- both in the sense that we were all female people together and that we were not framing all of our experiences, including with other female people, through a lens of potential sexist violations of our humanity-- I felt like I could relax for once in my life. I was no longer obsessive about policing myself and the female people around me. With no male people around, and no longer worried about whether my feelings and reactions had anything to do with my inherent inferiority or not, I was no longer afraid of what my interactions with others indicated about who I really was. Of course, if you stay in transgender community long enough, a lot of these anxieties will resurface in your thoughts and in social hierarchy. Who hasn't seen a literal dick-measuring contest on an FTM message board or trans men accusing other trans men of being "trenders"? But by then, you are no longer permitted to name what's going on, nor have an inkling of where it comes from. Because being transgender has nothing to do with sexism, it's just a medical condition. Or an identity. And men aren’t catty, they don't do that sort of social thing anyway... right?

Sometimes this is what I think people mean when they say discovering they are transgender is like "coming home". It's like taking your shoes off or sliding into bed. It's relief, a relaxation of something painful, annoying, constricting. But turns out I never knew a comfortable home, so I was easily able to feel at home in a home where I was afraid, confused, and never quite clear what was going on. Was I a trender or was the guy shouting about trenders a trender? Did I really belong with these other female people or was I a faker, a poser, a loser here, too? Did I have to believe that misandry was real and defend cis men's behavior to protect myself, or did I have to flagellate myself for having the "privilege" of failing to be feminine enough?

Sound familiar yet?

When detransitioned and reconciling women discuss how having relationships with other women is healing, this is a large part of what they mean. They mean both the good relationships-- healing, genuinely supportive female friendships-- and finally getting a radically honest perspective on bad relationships, too. I had to pop out of understanding myself as "not a girl" or "not a woman" to even acknowledge that I was having classic girl-girl, woman-woman, female-female dynamics in my relationships, nonetheless see how this dynamic played a role in my disidentification and general life course. I could not see that I held responsibility for how I behaved in these relationships, nor have compassion for both other women and myself, until I was able to first see that I was not a separate type of being from the girls for whom I once held contempt. I don't think disidentified and/or trans-identified female people are much different from female people who recognize themselves as women for this reason: female people who call themselves such still separate themselves into "bad women" and "good women", women who get into trouble and women who don't, women who sacrifice their own selfhood and the women who hold onto something. There are whores and madonnas, but also there's prudes and girls who actually put out; wives who take care of their husbands and wives who need to shape up and the wives who need a life; the boy crazy girls or the sad old cougars, the women who settled down, and independent women who have some self-respect; there's women who know how to do their face and hair, and women who don't take care of themselves, but there's the women who try too hard and they look like clowns, you know.

I catch myself doing this, even still, but I know we're all doing it, and I know why. I know I'm not not-a-woman for being insecure about how much femininity I've internalized-- that's universal-- I'm just one of the women who erred on the side of judging myself for giving up my self rather than judging myself most harshly for whether or not I stayed out of trouble.

#writings

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louisives · 6 years

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Creek-Soulmate, Part 1

"It was a normal, boring, and okay day, which I'm all for. I don't need to be sucked into anything that Stan and them always seen to be getting into. Mecha Barbara Streisand this, Peruvian flute band that; it's all too stupid.

"Anyway, I was doing something. Probably just laying down in my bed and contemplating my boring life, as usual, when I felt a dull, sudden pain in my side. I think it was around my ribcage.

"I remember sucking in pain, and rolling over onto my side. Clyde, ...was it Clyde?, yeah, Clyde was there with me. He was playing on my Nintendo. I'd gotten a new game from my grandma when I told her what happened to my birthday money. Huh? Yeah, she was great, but that's not the point.

"Well, anyway, Clyde looked over at me, and started asking me twenty questions, though it felt like a thousand. Clyde was rambling and asked if I was going to die. Poor guy. He'd still been kinda traumatized about his mom's death. He'd started being a bit more clingy after that, but I guess anyone would, right? Right.

"So, I didn't know what to tell Clyde. I just started randomly hurting.

"We went downstairs to ask my mom-I always asked my mom personal stuff; she was just easier to talk to than my dad-and she told me that it might just be growing pains, and I took that as a pretty logical answer. I had been growing recently and was getting pretty tall.

"So, I started to hurt immediately after that. My nose, even. I literally felt like I was being punched straight in the face. I remember stumbling a little, and my mom's eyes got so big.

"She didn't know what to do. You see, my family is all very logical. They don't believe in soulmates, or anything remotely supernatural-though, they were still Catholic. Tell me how that makes sense. Don't mean to offend you, but in my opinion, that's not very senseful at all.

"Anyway, so, my mom took me to the doctor the next day. She was afraid that I was suffering from sort of weird delusion. The doctor, he set me down real gentle, and explained that some people were connected by pain. Like, an empathy thing. And, when you find out who the person us you share the link with, you know they're your soulmate.

"Now, I thought this was completely ridiculous. This doctor was insane. I even told him, with a blank expression, that he needed to have his medical degree revoked.

"He just looked at me, gave me a pat on the shoulder. He smiled at me, 'One day you'll believe me', and then he let me leave.

"The next day, I was sitting with my friends. I can't remember who all was there. I know Tweek, Clyde, Token, and Jimmy were at our table. Maybe Kyle and Stan and them, too, but that's not the point. Point is, I told them about what I'd felt the previous day.

"Clyde believed me without hesitation. He'd always been really gullible, so no surprise there. He started rambling a bit about how maybe Bebe was his soulmate, and he was literally going to punch himself in the stomach to see if she would feel that pain.

"Fortunately, I stopped him before he actually did that. Anyway, I remember Tweek was looking up at me-I was taller than him-and asked what time the pain had happened. I replied with a shrug, 'Around 3-ish?'

"Tweek's eyes were huge. They were such a clear blue, I remember. He started to freak out a bit. He'd run away from the lunch table, not stopping to excuse himself. Curious, Toke and I went after him. When we found him, all curled up by his locker, he was pulling back and snapping the rubber band he wore on his wrist.

"I'd raised my eyebrow at him, asking him what the fuck he was freaking out about. He twitched. I was so awkward. I wasn't ever really good at the whole communication thing.

"Token was a bit better than myself, so he knelt down and asked Tweek what was wrong. Tweek just gave off a little sigh, 'I feel bad. My dad said that I could hurt someone in my practices. Like, when I get hurt, someone could feel it.' He'd said something like that, but with more stutters and pauses.

"That's when the pieces started to fall into place. Tweek had boxing practices around that time. And, he was wearing a bandage across his nose, like it'd been recently injured. My blush was ridiculous, I remember.

"It took me so long to eventually tell him that I liked him, and what my suspicions were. As I said, emotions aren't my strong suit, and communication falls along with that. But, Tweek was somehow a bit easier to talk to. And, listen to me now; I'm practically rambling to you about this. Of course, you're a therapist, so I guess that's what I'm supposed to do... I'm sorry. I've been talking for so long now."

Craig looked over to the woman he'd hired recently to help him sort out his thoughts. She was scribbling down what he was telling her on his patient sheet. She looked up at him, and Craig wondered if she felt his eyes on her.

Uncrossing and then recrossing her legs, she carefully spoke, "So, how do you feel now? Do you still believe he was your soulmate?"

Craig nodded, "That's the one thing I truly do believe in. He's just so beautiful...or was...I don't know, anymore." Craig sat up in his chair more, twiddling his thumbs, "The last thing that was clear to me was a blow right here." Craig laid his hand over his forearm. "As soon as I felt it, I knew something was wrong. I was taking care of our son, Clyde-he's the one we named after our friend, he practically begged us to-anyway, Tweek was off at a tournament. I guess that's why I was so immediately worried.

"He, um, he'd broken his arm, and it was supposed to be a simple operation. Someone slipped, and his bone marrow flooded to his blood, killing him immediately. It was...Doctor, it was awful. That phone call. The pain was excruciating, worse than any pain I'd ever felt when Tweek went to a tournament. Even the ones he lost, though those were a bit of a doozy.

"Anyway...I don't know what else to say. I don't feel much of anything anymore. I have children. Two wonderful kids who care about me, but they're hurting, too." Craig started to tear up, "I'm so lonely, and I feel so selfish. I don't know how to raise my kids. You know, Tweek and I were planning on adopting more, but I'm not even capable of taking care of Clyde and Juliet!"

Craig wiped at his eyes, "And, I haven't been able to work as well. My boss knows that I'm going through this, but he still wants me to be able to work on my project. He's not a dick; i-it's just that I'm the lead of the new Mars mission, and I'm stuck in figuring out who to persevere enough fuel, and-" Craig cut himself off.

His doctor, who's name was Lily, sighed, "Just hang on. I'm going to call for an increase on your dosage of citalopram, and call for you to day a couple of days off of work. It'll be excused because of medical needs."

Craig nodded, standing up. His hour with her was over.

She bid him a goodbye, and he left, walking from her office back to his house. She'd suggested him on his first appointment to walk more instead of drive. The exercise and lack of pressure of being behind the wheel was supposed to help, but it didn't, really. Craig only went to her because she was nice to talk to and was a good way of killing time.

Juliet was seventeen, about to graduate, and leave. Clyde was eleven, and Craig still had seven years to raise him. He was scared, but he was going to push through.

They needed him to be happy and stable so they could lean on him. Goddammit, Craig was going to he there for them. They deserved it. And, Tweek deserved his children to be safe.

Craig gritted his teeth, and went inside his home. Clyde greeted him, waving excitedly, "Hi, dad!"

Craig wasn't faking it when he smiled down at his son, ruffling his hair. He was happy that Clyde was able to be getting happier.

Craig went to make them dinner, one thing he was somehow good at. Putting things together in a logical order even when things are so stupidly illogical that it hurts your brain. That's Craig's expertise.

When dinner was done, and his children were sitting with him in the living room, eating and watching TV while chatting lightly, Craig felt more peaceful, more at home.

It was bittersweet. Craig could somehow see Tweek in his blonde kids, even though they weren't biologically either of theirs. They were so supportive of him, and he tried to be that for them, too.

Craig looked out of the window, and suddenly, just as he had years ago, felt a spike of pain in his side. His eyes flew open. What?

Craig thought...Only one person for each...Was Tweek al-...No, Tweek's been gone for some time now.

Craig shook his head. It was coincidence. Until he felt another bit of pain...

#sp craig #craig tucker #tweek tweak #craig x tweek #creek sp #soulmate #soulmate au

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happymetalgirl · 6 years

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Five Finger Death Punch - And Justice for None

Five Finger Death Punch are another one of those polarizing figures in metal with a lot of extra-musical context to address in order to not simply fall into the binary on the discussion surrounding them. I remember hearing them come up off the release of their debut album when I was in high school and their gradual ascent to stardom with their knack for making tight, melodic groove metal full of aggressive, grit-toothed attitude. I enjoyed their sophomore release, War Is the Answer, even more than their debut when it came out (and again as I revisited it for this album’s review process). They took a bit of a stumble with American Capitalist in 2011, but they still held pretty true to their core direction of punchy, modern, fuck-you groove metal. It was around this time, though, that their rising fame began to develop the polarity about them within the metal community we all know too well today.

Five Finger Death Punch have both a dedicated fan base ready to jump to their defense at any sight of criticism (often quite obnoxiously) and plenty of people on the other side of that coin ready to engage in their intense hatred for the band (also quite obnoxiously). While the band’s early work is commendable and full of potent modern groove metal, their recent output has garnered harsh criticism for good reason, sounding like cheap repeated milking of the same ideas at best and the discharge of an overly financially minded industry plant at worst. And the band’s generally dismissive attitude toward their “haters” has not helped their image in the eyes of the metal community’s more vigilant members.

I personally haven’t gotten myself involved in any of the debates surrounding the band lately, mostly because everywhere it seems like either a circlejerk among fans or critics or a shitshow between the two camps. My position on them is pretty simple: I enjoy their more vibrant earlier albums (their first two and, to a lesser extent, their third) for what they are, which is pretty straightforward, no-bell-and-whistles, verse-chorus groove metal with a lot of good conveyances of pissed off attitude. And I’m less thrilled by the lack of imagination and increased radio baiting of their newer albums.

As for all the pointless drama surrounding band members’ multiple stints in rehab, shitty diva-attitude-filled live performance catastrophes, and near disbandment, I don’t care. From what little I know, I know that Ivan and Chris are both doing better with their commitment to sobriety and their health, for which I can say I am glad. It’s not like I’d want them to drink themselves to death or anything like that. But all the public bullshit outside the music doesn’t make any difference to me.

So where does that leave the band on their seventh full length?

Well, And Justice for None in some moments gives a few gasped breaths of reinvigorated attitude, but its clearly over-involved tailoring to easy access to radio and numerous listener demographics at the hands of label influence essentially guarantees it not changing their status to their devout defenders or their devout attackers. Unfortunately, much more often than not, it’s more of the same from the past four to five years.

The first three songs on the standard version of the album expend all the album’s potent attitude early and quickly, but it’s not too bad while it lasts, it’s almost reminiscent of the American Capitalist days. The third track “Sham Pain” is actually one of the band’s more level-headed, simple lyrical works(even if the instrumental isn't all that notable), alternating between the genuine stresses of life in the limelight and feelings of not having a valid reason to complain while “living the dream”, with a quick jab at the TMZ of metal (Blabbermouth), thrown in there as well. The mildly catchy “Fire in the Hole” is not a bad early moment on the album either, but still feels as recycled as much of the band’s recent material.

It doesn’t take long though for the band slide back into their weird obligation to alternating a bunch of corny token ballads to pad the track list with radio hit candidates like their shitty attempt to emulate late 90′s country rock on their clearly incompetent rendition of “Blue on Black” and the wannabe arena rock lighter-waver “I Refuse”. The awkward turn-of-the-millennium hard rock nodder “Stuck in My Ways” (whose vibe reminds me of Shinedown’s less compelling output in their Sound of Madness era) and the bland tries at pensive acoustic-laden metal on “When the Seasons Change” and “Will the Sun Ever Rise” are similarly useless filler detrimental to the band’s badass image.

The album has its share of heavier filler tracks as well, like the tired “fuck you” (I don’t know who) song, “It Doesn’t Matter”, and the lazy groove metal chuggers “Rock Bottom” and “Bloody”.

As for their cover of The Offspring’s “Gone Away” (a great fucking song, by the way, that exemplifies the best aspects of 1990′s alternative metal and punk-laden post-grunge) that shows up on this album, I get the feeling the band painted themselves into a corner with their numerous hit covers and created a mandate for another by which this confusing cover was pushed out into daylight. I say that because I can’t at all tell what they’re trying to do with the song. It’s bombastically overproduced to the point of sucking the life out of the originally heartfelt composition, with little emotion coming from the performances. Moody is a talented vocalist, but this song does not suit his style or his timbre, and it ends up being one of their dullest covers ever, probably not to their label’s pleasure.

And Justice for None might score Five Finger Death Punch a couple of hit singles, but it certainly won’t be changing anyone’s mind either. It leaves me wondering if this is the last album they can make pandering and scraping the bottom of their creative barrel like this before the pressures of the industry or their expiration as their label’s cash cow sends their career plummeting. While I wouldn’t wish anything disastrous upon them, this album is only showing more vividly the writing on the walls that reads the fate to which every similar industry pet before them has succumbed. I don’t know how long they can go on like this, putting off their inevitable expulsion by the institutions that nurture them for their own financial profit. For their own sake, perhaps their best hopes are in becoming the Nickelback of metal, who aren’t nearly as prevalent as they used to be, but who still somehow maintain a strong career despite immense hatred from non-fans... that is if they aren’t already pretty well-agreed within the metal community to be the Nickelback of metal already.

#five finger death punch #and justice for none #groove metal #hard rock #alternative metal #heavy metal #metal #new album #new music #album review

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themisadventuresofcando · 6 years

Text

Life #5 (South Park)

Character Sheet

Face Claim:

Basic

Name: Carmencita D. Tweedle

Pronunciation: Car-men-SEE-tuh

Meaning: Little Song

Nicknames: Carmen, Tweedle Dee, Mutt, Snow Bunny

Name Origins:

Carmen: Shortened from Carmen

Tweedle Dee: Used with Tweedle Dum, Middle Initial, and Last Name

Mutt: Racial Slur for Mixed Race (I will actually beat that living shit out of you if you call me this AHEM Cartman AHEM)

Snow Bunny: A weird combination of my love of snow and Kenny’s love of Playboy Bunnies

Titles: N/A

Aliases: Princess Kenny’s Personal Knight, Estrella

Alias Origin: Games with The Boys

Orientation: Heterosexual

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Date of Birth: June 4th

Star Sign: Gemini

Birth Flower: Rose

Meaning: True Love

Birthstone: Pearl

Meaning: Purity

Species: Human

Affiliation: Humans, Freedom Pals

Social Status: Middle Class

Dead?: Eventually

How?: This is South Park probably really stupidly

Last Words: “SHIT!!! WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!!”

Appearance

Eye Color: Grey-Blue

Glasses/Contacts: Glasses

Skin Tone: Pale with Freckles

Hair Color: Dark Brown

Hair Length: Just Past Shoulder

Hair Type: Curly

Hairstyle: Ponytail Normally,

Loose When Estrella,

Braids When Knight

Height: 5’1 (Yes, I’m short… only means i’m closer to hell)

Body Build: Skinny and Scrawny

Notable Features: N/A

Piercings: N/A

Tattoos: N/A

Scars: Small Mark on Left Cheek

Birthmarks: Thigh

Wardrobe

Style: Casual and Warm

Favorite Outfit: Dark Blue Coat Lined with Dark Grey Fur, Blue Jeans with Black Star Pattern, Black Fur Lined Boots, Grey Gloves with Ugly Sweater Pattern, Gray Knit Hat with Dark Grey Poof, Black Moschino Backpack with Optimus Prime Bear, Star Ring

Formal Outfit: Black Off Shoulder Asymmetrical Dress, Black Kitten Heels, Black Shoulder Bag with Silver Star Print, Silver Star Necklace, Silver Star Bracelet, Silver and Pearl Star Clip On Earrings, Silver Star Ring

Alter Ego Outfit:

Stick of Truth: Grey Tank Top Cut and Sewn Together with Shoe String, Long Sleeve Black Shirt, Black Hoodie, Black Leggings, Black Boots, Plastic Champion Belt, Plastic Gauntlets, Toy Bow and Arrow

Freedom Pals: Black Tank Top, Blue Galaxy Skater Skirt, Black Tights, Black Leather Jacket with Silver Star Pattern, Black Sneakers with Gold Star Pattern, Multiple Silver and Gold Star Bangles, Black Choker with Dangling Silver Stars, Silver Star Crossbody Bag, Silver Star Headband, Silver Star Ring, Black Lace Masquerade Mask

Accessories: Silver Star Ring

Scent: Vanilla, Green Tea

Relationships

Mother/Mother Figure: Roxane Tweedle

Relationships:

My mother is a very strange woman. She is very paranoid and always moving around the town. She is very attentive to my sister and I’s needs and tends to try to give us anything we could want (which doesn’t mean we actually want it). Whatever time she spends with us usually driving us around to wherever it is we’re going and it’s usually spent with us all terribly singing along to the radio and laughing. Mom isn’t one to want to sit and listen to us or to give us advice as she has a short attention span (probably where Olivia gets it from). She might not be the best mother but she does try and I still love her.

Father/Father Figure: Jackson Tweedle

Relationships:

My father, on the other hand, tends to love to sit and listen to (gossip with) us. He loves to try and smother with us with anything we ask for (Olivia and I honestly made it a game to see how far he would go to get us what we wanted… he has to fail). Dad is just as paranoid as mom is but he hides it a lot better. He was also the one that signed me up for martial arts which caused a huge argument between parents. My dad has been known to also beat the shit out of anyone who dares insult us or my mother (probably where I got it from).

Brothers/Brother Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Sisters/Sister Figures: Olivia Tweedle

Relationships:

As dumb as Olivia can be, she is a very loyal friend and sister. I have, obviously, known her my entire life and she has never let me down (In terms of loyalty and reliability not much else). She can deal with my violent tendencies ad overly snarky demeanor. I can (most of the time) deal with her oblivious, careless attitude. We rarely fight and get along better than most sisters do and I’m pretty happy to have her as my sister.

Aunts/Aunt Figures: Nancy Tweak

Relationships:

Aunt Nancy is very sweet. She is always supportive whatever decision we make even if it might not be the right one. She is also pretty good at telling right from wrong and standing up when she thinks we’re doing something terrible. As supportive as she is she doesn’t really listen and is known to just leave us to our devices for long periods of time. She honestly borders on child neglect with how little she pays attention to us or Tweek.

Uncle/Uncle Figures: Richard Tweak

Relationships:

Uncle Richard is much worse than Aunt Nancy. All he cares about is his business and pays no attention to anything any of his family does. That’s not to say he doesn’t care, he does... he just cares more about his coffee shop. He also does anything to boost his shop which includes manipulating us and Tweek to do his bidding. Yeah, I don’t like my uncle.

Cousins/Cousin Figures: Tweek Tweak

Relationships:

I adore my cousin Tweek. As jitter and jumpy as he is I find him absolutely adorable. I’m usually the one to take the late night calls and now late night talks about pressure and Underpants Gnomes. I try to comfort him but it doesn’t always work cuz this kid is riddled with anxiety. When he’s calmer (calmer, NOT calm) he is pretty fun to hang around and his friends are pretty crazy. You wouldn’t think this but Tweek is surprisingly protective of Olivia and I. He has actually attacked some people he thought had hurt us emotionally or physically.

Nieces/Niece Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Nephews/Nephew Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Sons/Son Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Daughter/Daughter Figures: N/A

Relationships: N/A

Current Guardian: The Tweaks

Relationship: I get along well with Aunt Nancy (I mean she tries), I hate uncle Richard (I know for a fact he’s the entire reason for Tweaks anxiety), and I adore Tweak

Current Significant Other: Kenny McCormick

Relationship:

Kenny McCormick was never the boy I saw myself dating. Simply put he was a major player and I wanted commitment.Kenny went around on any girl that moved and I was no exception, however, I was one of the very few who resisted his… charm. That got him interested and he is surprisingly persistent but so am I. It was a long game of cat and mouse where he would find me and drop cheesy pickup lines, offer compliments, and ask me out over and over while I offered sarcastic comment after witty comeback (if I do say so myself). The game turned into a surprisingly close friendship where the flirting got more jokey and less serious, where his true colors showed and that was when I finally caught feeling for the real Kenny McCormick. The overly perverted, vulgar, overprotective big brother Kenny. It didn’t take me to long to ask him on a date and imagine my surprise when this guy decided to actually give a committed relationship a try. I’m glad he did because now I know the jealous, overprotective, poorly timed joke slinging Kenny too. Obviously, we have a very touchy-feely relationship (which is weird because I’m not a big fan of being touched).

People

Mentors:

Advisor: Kyle Broflovski

Confidant: Kyle Broflovski

Teammates:

Stick of Truth: Humans

Fracture But Whole: Freedom Pals

Friends: Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Tweek Tweak, Butters Stotch, Token Black, Craig Tucker, Jimmy Valmer, Timmy Burch, Heidi Turner (I AM going to beat Cartman for what he did), Karen McCormick

Best Friend: Olivia Tweedle

Love Interest: Kenny McCormick

Rivals: Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens

Enemies: Eric Cartman

Person Hated Most: Eric Cartman

Most Important Person: Olivia Tweedle

Awkward Around: Wendy when she breaks up with Stan, Tweek, and Craig when they’re fighting

Admires: Dad, Kyle

Past

Hometown: North Park

Childhood: Pretty normal, lived in a small town, small house, small family. Then, of course, our parents decided to go on some big trip and dump us with relatives for God knows how long.

Childhood Hero: JK Rowling (What? I like Harry Potter)

Most Important Memory: When my parents finally signed me up for martial arts after months of begging OR When I won my elementary school art competition

Present

Current Location: South Park

Living With:

Occupation: Student

Pets: Wiener Dog/Golden Retriever Mix named Oz

Health

General Health: Meh… I tend to get colds every few weeks

Reason: Apparently I have a sucky immune system

Mental Health: I’d say I’m sane, though, according to others that’s up for debate

Reason: I’m violent and pretty loud once I’m comfortable

Sleep Habits: I sleep like a log

Diet: Umm… I’m not on one

Exercise: Martial Arts, I Ride My Bike A Lot

Allergies: Dairy Products

Injuries: I get scrapes and bruises (I’m kind of a klutz)

Disorders: N/A

Deformity: N/A

Disabilities: N/A

Mutations: N/A

Handicaps: N/A

Medication: N/A

Education

School: South Park High School

Best Class: Art

Worst Class: Biology

Sports: Martial Arts

Clubs: Art Club

Languages: Spanish, English

Memory: Ok, I Guess

Abilities (Fracture But Whole)

List of Powers: Stellarkinesis

Moves:

Gravity Slam: Using the force of gravity to slam and hold opponents to the ground (Kick them in the balls/punch in the boob)

Shooting Star: Bringdown a star from space to hit a target (Chuck Firecrackers at them)

Plasma Beam: Use beam of plasma to harm enemies (Shine flashlight in their eyes)

Stellar Healing: Use stardust remaining from destroyed stars to heal teammates (Neosporin and Band-Aids)

Stardust: Use stardust to confuse opponents (Chuck glitter in their faces)

Abilities

Gravity Manipulation (Basically Telekinesis AKA Imagination)

Stardust Manipulation (Glitter)

Plasma Manipulation (Flashlight)

Origin: As a child, I was taken by a space god worshipping cult who attempted to sacrifice me to their god in a special ritual. Instead of dying, the ritual gave me the power to control the stars and become someone who could protect other children from being attacked and suffering my fate,.(AKA I wear star-shaped ring and own a lot of things with star patterns)

Elements: Space

Strengths: Stars, Night, Evasion, Long Range

Weaknesses: Cold, Water, Over-Exertion, “Nightmares from cult experience” (what the hell does that even mean?)

Restrictions: Over-Exertion of Powers

Immunities: Fire, Light, Sun

Combat

Fighting Style: Quick and Hard, Use Opponent's Strength, Momentum, and Weight Against Them

Weapons: Bow and Arrow (Stick of Truth), Hand to Hand

Personality

Good Traits: Loyal, Creative, Smart, Strategic, Athletic (Fast), Funny, Hard to Get Angry, Romantic

Bad Traits: Snarky, Overly Sarcastic, Explosive Temper, Likes to Hide Bad Feelings, Insecure About Glasses and Relationships, Stubborn

Likes: Animals, Art, Martial Arts, Laughing, Family, Games, Friends, Snow, Stars, Silver, Cheesy Romantic Dates, Reading, Cooking

Dislikes: Getting Angry, SOMEONE Insulting My Friends/Family, Swimming, Hunting, Being Touched by Most People

Turn Ons: Dirty Talk, Compliments, Jokes/Cheesy Pick Up Lines, A Little Rough

Turn Offs: Insults, Silence, Lies

Talents: Drawing, Martial Arts

Sense of Humor: Laughs at Just About Anything

Darkest Secret: Loves Cheesy Pick Up Lines

Does Anyone Know? Who?: Olivia and Possibly Kenny

Greatest Fear: Drowning

Why?: Can't Swim

Other Fears: Cartman Finding Out About Insecurities/Fear/That His Words Sometimes Hurt

Why?: Cartman is Cartman

Most at Ease When: With Karen, Kenny, Olivia, Kyle or Butters (or Any Combination)

Most Uncomfortable When: With Literally Anyone's Parents (They’re all so stupid… how are they even parents?)

Enraged When?: SOMEONE (CARTMAN) Insults My Friends/Family

Depressed When?: I Let My Stupid Insecurities Get to Me

Frightened When?: Getting Too Deep in Water

If Granted One Wish What Would It Be?: That I Didn’t Need Glasses

Habits

Hobbies: Art, Martial Arts, Reading

Instrument?: Nope (It'd be cool though)

Sport?: Martial Arts

Spending Habits: Um… If I Get Excited I Just Buy Shit but I MOstly Hate Shopping

Drinks?: NOPE

Smokes?: EW

Drugs?: EXTRA EW

Nervous Tics: Tugging on Earlobe, Chewing Lip

Favorites

Prized Possession: Star Ring

Color: Silver

Song: When The Day Met The Night by PATD

Quote: “Twinkle twinkle little star, do you know how loved you are”

Movie: Peter Pan

Food: Honey Butter Biscuits

Season: Fall

Book: Harry Potter

Genre: Fantasy

Flower: Stargazers

Flavor: Blueberry

Dessert: Blueberry Coffee Cake

Either/Or

Pessimist or Optimist: Optimist

Pacifist or Fighter: Fighter

Introvert or Extrovert: Extrovert

Proud or Humble: Humble

Messy or Tidy: Messy

Risky or Safe: Risky

Strength or Wisdom: Strength

Flashy or Simple: Simple

Long Range or Short Range: Long Range

Cats or Dogs: Dogs

Hot or Cold: Cold

Book or Movie: Movie

Loud or Quiet: Quiet

Logic or Emotion: Emotion

Work or Relax: Relax

Confident or Shy: Confident

Night or Day: Night

Out of 10

Knowledge: 6/10

Wisdom: 5/10

Motivation: 4/10

Agility: 6/10

Power Control: 7/10

Hand to Hand: 8/10

Long Range Accuracy: 6/10

Offense: 7/10

Defense: 4/10

Reflexes: 5/10

Speed: 7/10

Strength: 6/10

Sociability: 5/10

Bravery: 7/10

Confidence: 6/10

Generosity: 5/10

Endurance: 4/10

Evasion: 6/10

Kindness: 5/10

Creativity: 8/10

Charisma: 6/10

Memory: 5/10

Temper: 2/10

Patience: 8/10

#south park #south park oc #south park rp

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sickofyourfandombullshit · 7 years

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Heathers 2018

So when I saw @princess-has-a-pen post about the new Heathers remake I had to look it up for two reasons:

1. I’m a huge fan of the Movie and Musical and 2. I had to see the fucking horror show that Spike TV was no doubt going to turn it into.

Now Princess asked in their tags the exact same thing I asked myself when I saw the post:

“Why?”

Well friends, strap yourselves in cuz I’m about to take you for a fucking ride.

Why remake Heathers? A movie that has solidified itself as a cult classic for it’s gritty, fucked up story and characters that took pretty much every kid who went to high school in the 80′s (or any time really) life and amped it up to 11?

Cuz the original Heathers is full of 'problematic' things and they can now remake it to be more 'progressive' while snagging a new audiance of younglings who know about Heathers because of the musical.

Now my friends, as I stated before, I love both the movie and the Musical, but as a mature, rational fan over the age of 30, I can look at something I love and point out it’s flaws and believe me, when it comes to the source material, Heathers the Musical is stuffed full of flaws and that creates some problems.

I am pretty sure all the Tumblrinas who idolize ‘Heathers’ have only seen the musical because honestly, the ‘date’ scene where Heather McNamara gets raped in the background would be enough to make them REEEEEE all the way to the fucking bank.

Like legit, she is literally struggling under her date (and not in a fun way) to make him stop and Veronica just fucking leaves her there. We don’t see her get away or anything, so you can only assume that that whole thing didn’t end well, especially given how miserable McNamara is in the movie to begin with.

The Muscial made light of a lot of the grim parts the movie worked to highlight, specifically bullying and suicide and the dangers of giving into pressure and just being a fucking terrible human being. Not to mention it twisted things in a way that actually reinforced some harmful tropes. Specifically with the two main characters JD and Heather.

JD in the movie is a completely sociopath who physically and mentally abuses Veronica for almost the entire thing and in the Musical they gave him the stereotypical ‘troubled boy who wanted to make the world better but it just got out of hand’ treatment. Like “Oh yeah, he murders three people and tries to blow up a school but his dad’s a jerk and his mommy committed suicide so you can’t blame him! Deep down he’s just a tortured soul who really loves Veronica!”. Spoilers! He doesn’t love Veronica, at least not in any way that should be even entertained as any sort of ‘love’. He and Veronica’s relationship coupled with his ‘sacrifice’ at the end of the play made me cringe extra hard because it felt like it was romanticizing abusive relationships and in all honesty it was. A specific scene from the Musical where I thought they were actually going to address the toxicity of their ‘relationship’ (at the end of the ‘Our Love is God’ musical number where Veronica seems to have a mental break down as she screams ‘Our Love is God’ over and over again as if to drown out the fact that she just assisted in the murder of two people), was brushed under the rug the next scene and seemingly forgotten about till something ELSE big happens and then it’s fucking Ground Hogs Day apparently.

Veronica in the movie joined the Heathers before the movie even began because she wanted to be popular and due to her skill in forgery is pretty much made their pet project. She’s not as much of a cunt as Chandler or Duke but she's still pretty fucking bad. She kills Kurt herself, blows off her actual best friend in exchange for shallow popularity, laughs over Heather Chandler dying and only turns on JD when the suicide note she writes for Heather Chandler backfires and causes people to glorify Chandler as a saint. This as well leads her to realize that it’s pointless to kill people because someone else just takes their place as “The Mythic Bitch” ala Heather Duke’s transformation (also because JD straight up slaps her in the face for trying to back out on him). She only ever does anything semi sweet at the VERY end after JD gets blown up. In the Musical she is portrayed as a sweet innocent little buttercup who is super besties with Martha and sticks up for the little guy and never meant to hurt anyone and was just dragged into everything bad by bad people. She feels constantly guilty for it and seems unable to make any actual choices herself outside of breaking into JD’s house to fuck him. She’s totally innocent guys. Totes.

And before you say “C’moooon it’s a fuckin’ Muscial!” you need to go watch you some Dear Evan Hansen or Les Miserables because those two Musicals are heavy as fuck and had no problem in showing how fucked up serious shit like war and suicide was through flawed characters.

Now with this new series coming out it seems destined to fail. It has only been releasing Instagram videos to promote the show and already it’s hitting all the same old PC points while being SO EDGY at the same time. It’s Riverdale all fucking over again.

“The terrible trio is more like a set of outcasts who have taken over Westerberg High School.” -EW article

Like really? Fuckin’ really? The Heathers were all popular girls due to their wealth (McNamara), beauty (Duke) and over all exuding of confidence and attitude backed up by all of the previously stated assets (Chandler). They weren’t a bunch of outcasts. They took pride in how they looked and how people saw them. I don’t understand this fucking need to make every kid nowadays an ‘outcast’ in an effort to make them ‘relatable’. They did it to every kid in the Power Rangers remake and MJ in Spider-Man: Homecoming and it’s starting to get fucking annoying. Oh well, gotta get them kids with all that EDGE!

So let’s look at the ‘Heathers’ (I can’t bring myself to not put that in quotation marks when talking about these piles of hot garbage):

Heather Chandler is a plus-sized, Skrillex haired edge lord who looks like every Tumblr Feminist/Suicide Girls reject and literally gives off no aura of power or fear at all. She just comes off as some fat bitch who found the HAAS RadFem movement on Twitter and used it to fill herself with enough undeserved self importance to justify being a cunt to everyone. Yes, where the original Heather Chandler got her power and reputation through sheer intimidation and personality, this Heather Chandler looks like the type of girl who will physically assault you in the bathroom and threaten to sit on you till you die.

Gee golly, I see Heather Duke is a sassy gay male now (and a white one at that). Wow, it’s not like that hasn’t been done a billion fucking times. Funny that he’s a white dude whose character in the movie and play turns out to capitalize on Heather Chandler’s death to raise their own status to the ‘queen bitch’ of the school. That’ll do GREAT for gay stereotypes I’m sure.

Aaaaand Heather McNamara, our possibly Asian possibly Latinx butprobably just party bag of mixed race token character who is the literal punching bag of the group. At least that seems to have not changed but I am sure it’ll help add shallow sympathy since now it’s not a bunch of white kids beating up on a little white girl, it’s a bunch of white kids beating up on a little minority girl. Goodie goodie.

The rest:

JD literally gets nothing to show from his video except one speaking line where he is telling Veronica that she’s “Not like Heather Chandler” she’s “better” while quick cutting a bunch of random shots from the show that mostly seem pointless and just confusing with one flash of him apparently running the flat of a knife on his palm behind his back? So we get nothing from our poor, tortured sociopath. I can just hear the producers of this show now: “We can’t show him being too soft or the old fans might not watch it and can’t show him being a psychotic asshole or the Musical fans won’t watch it, so make it just as cluster fucking and confusing as possible so no one will ask questions and just be drawn in with all the cheap visual click bait!”

For Veronica we again get nothing. One line of “Dear Diary, I hate my friends but that doesn’t mean I want them DEAD!” followed by more random cuts of shots from the show, many of bloody scenes and hints of violence but a lot more of just weird confusing scenes that make no sense. It’s kind of funny for the sheer reason that they seem to be banking on people just already knowing who these characters are ala the original movie but at the same time are trying to pull in new audience members with all the vague quick cutting which they seem to have mistaken for ‘mystery’.

And last but not least, we have Betty Finn. What’s that? “Who if Betty Finn?” all you fans of the Musical ask? Well you wouldn’t know who Betty is unless you watched the MOVIE cuz Betty is who Martha Dump Truck replaced in the Musical because Betty wasn’t fucking sad sacky enough and they didn’t want to clutter the script with such a minor character. Betty was smart and an actual good person, the only good person in the movie honestly, who was Veronica’s friend since they were in diapers. She didn’t have a huge part in the movie outside of providing some blackmail material for JD to use against Heather Duke and trying to get Veronica to stop being such a moron (which failed). Now she’s appears to be the stereotypical side character that will be prominent in the show, probably as a comic relief character or plot device to be used against Veronica at some point.

Now, there is a huge question you have to ask:

Where is Martha? Will Martha even be in the series? Alright, it’s two questions but you get the point.

I have two guesses;

1. Possibly

but more than likely

2. No. Absolutely not.

Why do you ask? Because Martha’s character served as a plot device in both the Movie and the Musical to show how awful the Heathers really were and how their bullying was actually dangerous. Martha was a fat, slow, ugly dump of a girl. Problem is, you can’t make fun of that anymore. It’s not ‘progressive’ to make fun of people with those flaws. As well it wouldn’t make sense, Heather Chandler is fat in this remake. Unless they’re going to go full retard with some kind of ‘internalized fatphobia’ shit it wouldn’t make sense to make fun of Martha for that. Heather McNamara is the stereotypical ditzy airhead which doesn’t seem to have changed in this remake so to make fun of someone being ‘slow’ while laughing at an Air-Head-of-Color would just be super duper mean!

If they DO put Martha in, she will either have to still be dumpy, slow and fat and end up being the most popular character in the end for ‘not giving into societies beauty standards’ or some shit, OR she will have to actually flat out die from her suicide attempt to push the EDGE and drive plot.

Either way this whole thing is going to be a train wreck that will either take off at the idiotic rate in which Teen Wolf and Riverdale did or be an utter failure.

I seriously hope for the latter. Sorry this is so long and there are probably some spelling and grammar errors. It’s literally 2:30 in the morning and the Monster I drank is starting to ware off so I’m running on fumes.

#heathers 2018 #heathers #heathers the musical

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camgirlsurvivalguide · 7 years

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TITS OR GTF..wait - The Cammunity Discussion

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

A few days ago, MyFreeCams dropped a bomb: a whole new site, catered toward an App Store Friendly, Instagram TOS toting, Twitch-Reminiscent keep-ya-tiddies-covered audience. Reactions in the days that have followed have been mixed. Members are confused. Models are confused. Some people are offended (what a surprise!), others are excited. As a non-nude model of four years, I’ve got plenty on my mind about this new unveiling, and I think I have some points that are worth while to share in this interim while we wait for more details and more solidified information.

What does this mean for you?

Well, it depends. If you’re a model or member who prefers to broadcast or view predominantly sexual cams, or cams with a sexual element, or cams that work their way toward being sexual, then boy, I have just the site for you!

MyFreeCams.

If you’re a model or a member who prefers to broadcast or view predominantly non-sexual cams, or cams that don’t usually focus on a sexual element, or cams that often don’t work their way toward being sexual, then I’d be excited about Cammunity. It seems like an interesting place where models and members who aren’t looking to fap can hang out and talk about other things without working toward fap content.

But wait, I heard camscore will be boosted from Cammunity, and my camscore sucks. Can’t I just go to Cammunity and finish my countdowns there, then move over to MFC to improve my camscore?

...so, what, go over to a ... lower traffic site ... with members ... not looking to fap ... to set up countdowns to ...

...

....fap?

Yes, camscore is a bitch. And if it’s tough for you to draw in an audience on MFC, I’m going to be honest, drawing in an audience on Cammunity isn’t likely going to be that much easier, especially if the clientele over there is anticipating other types of content. Let’s not confuse things: camscore is a rough indication of how many tokens you make in an hour, spread over some magical number of days, divided by unicorns. If you’ve got a solid regular base, or you frequently sell content to random passerbys, your camscore will probably be fine - and it probably also means that you can go to Cammunity to pull that “wait till MFC” countdown style hackery, boost your already alright camscore, then go back to MFC to do a show for your tippers. But if you don’t have this regular base, plodding over to Cammunity and hoping to attain one (again, on a lower traffic site where people aren’t meant to anticipate sexuality) ... probably isn’t going to be this “hack” that people are suggesting it might be.

And if it does turn out to be that way? Cool! Literally no one is stopping you from doing that! If you can’t physically stop yourself from putting dildos in your mouth or ripping off your clothes for the duration of a countdown just to meet the TOS while you’re trying to boost your camscore, I’d .... I mean ... I literally don’t even know what I would say to that. If it ends up being beneficial to tone yourself down for an hour in order to raise your camscore and up your odds of success on MFC, I’m sure you’d be capable. I believe in you.

But I’m a really sexual person and a lot of what I talk about/am interested in/care about is sexual, and I’m really honestly more comfortable naked.

Then keep it up on MFC! Consistency is a big part of the game and if you’re most comfortable on an adult site, then work ya bad self!

But I feel like Cammunity would put pressure on me to be not myself if I can’t be sexual.

I’m not a sexual person. I don’t like sexual attention, I’m not crazy focused on sex, I don’t masturbate more than like twice a month, I don’t think about sex often and I don’t even particularly care about sex that much. I don’t like being naked. I don’t like sending nudes. I don’t even really like the idea of masturbating in front of my partner, let alone masturbating for an audience.

You don’t think that the environment on MFC has made me push those boundaries for the sake of an income? Of course they have. I have explored options I later found I wasn’t comfortable with, or realized weren’t for me. I have done things I regret and have moved on from. I have hashed out a niche for myself, in the best way I can, in spite of an environment that largely hasn’t catered to what I have to offer - and this is why I (and many others, I’m sure) are excited for Cammunity.

If Cammunity doesn’t sound like it’s for you, then maybe it’s not. That’s not an attack on you. There are plenty of things out there that don’t exist to suit you and that’s okay. I tried Twitch when I thought maybe I could be more comfortable on a non-nude platform and in the end, it wasn’t for me, not because of the lack of sexuality but because the audience was heckin whack (just my opinion, but yeah it was weird). The idea of a MFC style environment where my regulars could move over without having to make new accounts and it would be expected for my strengths to shine without being expected to do other things?

Dope. That’s dope.

Most cam models and members recognize that a strong cam model possesses both physical and social entertainment capabilities. Some models cater more to one side than the other, to varying degrees. If you’re a model who relates more strongly to a physical/sexual style of entertainment, MFC continues to be your best option. If you relate more strongly to a social/non-sexual style of entertainment, then maybe Cammunity will be a cool. If you’re somewhere in the middle, go wherever you like best.

What if this starts a shade war between nude and non-nude models, though?

I’m going to be honest: I think this is a very real possibility.

Let’s look at pole dancing. Strippers made pole dancing what it is. Then descended conservative, prudish boring people who realized dancing on a pole was a great workout - and suddenly “pole fitness” was “cool” while stripping still got shit on. I can see a near future where “camwhoring” is still “slutty” while being a “cammer” is somehow less so.

I think the transition is likely to be messy. Generally speaking, people resist change. I think even amongst our own community we’re apprehensive about “creating a divide” - yet imagine what will happen when people who are not cam models and have never been cam models join the game en masse.

And yet, the future involves change. Cammunity, if anything, allows MFC to continue to exist as it is: porny, dirty, naked and fun, nerdy and weird. If Cammunity attracts the Instagrammers and the YouTubers and the next wave of live streamers, then maybe MFC dodges the bullet and can keep doing what it’s doing. If you enjoy MFC and see no reason (other than this possible camscore “hack” that, again, I don’t see as totally “hackish”) to move elsewhere, then stay on MFC. The possibility for nude and sexual models to become successful on MFC is still there. Personally, I don’t think Cammunity threatens that - if anything it might preserve it more carefully.

But in my perspective, the non-camgirl live stream generation is fast approaching. I think that live streaming is a huge part of the future of entertainment, as is viewer-supported income as opposed to advertiser-revenue. And I think in a really big, really real way, we started this. We, as models and members, created an environment where we provided passionate content and entertainment to generous, fair audiences willing to support us in continuing to do what we love. And if this next step toward live streaming decides not to recognize us for that, I say who gives a fuck? We didn’t start off in the adult industry to impress people who didn’t understand us in the first place: we did it to make our money, do what we love and connect with others who understand us.

Here’s another thing: the adult industry isn’t right for all of us, either. A few years ago I was a whole lot more “camgirl” than I am now. I liked the spanks. I liked the teases. I liked the oil shows, the bath shows, the lingerie, the pasties. I felt inspired to come up with new videos and I was happy to make people happy in that way. But the older I’ve become, the less and less interested in those aspects of camming I’ve become. I haven’t wanted to stop calling myself a camgirl because I don’t want to ostracize myself from the community that allowed me to build myself, but at the same time, I want to work on a site that isn’t so complicated for me to explain. Yes, I work on an adult site - but I don’t get naked. And I don’t do sex shows. And I don’t send nude snaps. And I offer a few beautiful agony videos that, as time goes on, I feel less and less comfortable even looking at the gif previews of. Am I ashamed of myself? No. Do I dislike this industry? No. Do I feel like I’m “better” or “classier” or “above” the cam models I look up to and admire? Absolutely fucking not. Do I feel like I belong? I definitely used to, but these days? No, not really.

I think many models begin to feel like this, and most choose to leave. To quit camming and not come back. For me, Cammunity and the future it holds makes me think that I could have a place to continue to be myself as I grow away from the adult industry, and I really don’t think I’m alone in that.

#camgirlsurvivalguide

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jansen1107 · 7 years

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Are You There, Grindr? It’s Me, Jansen

I remember when Grindr first became a thing. I was living in Boston at the time and coming home one night on the bus from my latest freelance gig. A guy sat down a few seats in front of me. He kept looking at the screen of his phone and up at me, smiling and nodding. Because I didn’t know him, I was a little alarmed. Did he know me from somewhere? I did a mental inventory of past companies I had worked for, schools, vacations abroad, but I came up with nothing. I thought maybe he wanted me to play World of Warcraft with him via my phone, but this would have been impossible because I still had a flip phone at the time. So, I just sat there and looked straight ahead, ignoring him. He looked mildly disappointed and eventually turned around and faced the front, still checking his phone screen from time to time.

Little incidents like that kept happening to me. It wasn’t until I had heard about this thing called Grindr, which was basically like having a bath house or public men’s room in your pocket. Cruising for sex had gone digital and getting sex was now easier than ever. (Or potentially so.) You could order up a guy like a pizza and invite him over for sex or go over to his place. It felt like we gays had finally found the promised land. And the streets were paved with cock.

Only I wasn’t having it.

I’ve always felt like an outsider in the gay “community,” particularly the scene aspect of it. At first, I thought it was self-loathing. But then when I remembered the time I was at a club and saw two guys holding their drinks and staring at me. “You’re not so great,” one of them said as I walked by to get to the bar. Or the bartender who pointedly ignored me and cackled with his regulars. He finally served me a drink with a heaping helping of attitude and didn’t give me my change back. Or the bar in San Francisco where my friend Christian asked for a drink and was told, “Say it like a man!” Yeah, excuse me, barkeep, could I get a pint of femme-shaming, please?

My experiences in gay land have mostly been negative, and so I’ve become more of a gay token in straight land. It’s fine, though. They love me there. I don’t feel like shit after a night out there. The gay community has always felt to me like an abusive parent that I’m somehow supposed to love. Gasping voice: “But it’s the only gay community you’ve got!”

I find myself feeling like there is this nurturing world of gays out there somewhere. Clubs where you can show up and everybody knows your name. They raise their glasses when you walk in the door. They don’t try to steal your boyfriend. They pat you on the back and ask how you’re doing. And it’s not a front for a gay-conversion center. The reality of a place like that in the gay community seems like the mythical world of Narnia or Never-Never Land. Gay men in predominantly gay settings are more like cats being introduced to each other: they hiss and spit with the fur on their backs standing up. It’s ugly. But even when we get used to each other, a betrayal is almost always around the corner. There’s eventually a knife in the compliment.

And gay men are famous for their promiscuity. That’s why I’ve felt pressured to load up my phone with the endless array of hook-up apps now on offer. (I have to laugh at those who call them “dating” apps. Yeah!) I’ve definitely felt the pressure to get out there and get humping. So far, I’ve resisted the siren call. Maybe it’s because I somehow have a genetic propensity for monogamy. The men in my family marry for life. They have the ability to sleep with the same woman for decades. Would-be mistresses get put in their places. Casual sex is seen as childish. There’s a joke that if a man in my family is single, it’s because his partner left him. To be like this and be gay is like being a unicorn. The last unicorn. The idea of pair-bonding for life seems like anathema to the gays. Everyone talks about fucking. No one talks about love.

But I have to admit, I’m insanely curious about hook-up apps and what those encounters must be like. I imagine how weird they must be. In my mind, it goes like this: You exchange texts with a guy on your phone. He shows up at your door later. You smoke a joint together and exchange pleasantries. There’s some kissing and groping and then the clothes come off with some quick foreplay. Then it’s down to pumping while each guy stares off into the middle-distance like zombies, avoiding eye contact like actors trying not to look at the camera.

After that, you get up, get dressed, nod appreciatively or awkwardly, (don’t shower!) and go your separate ways. It’s perfunctory. Like animals fucking on National Geographic. Frequently, one guy is left sitting in his apartment crying tears that it never becomes anything more. One gay bear friend of mine lamented, “They never want to cuddle after!” Really? Fucking, really?

Oh, yeah, and occasionally it turns into a fuck-buddy arrangement. Just until things get weird. (Feelings!)

I’ve heard and read so many horror stories about hook-up apps. If you’re ugly, the constant rejection will make you suicidal. If you look like a Colt model (like an actual, goddamn Colt model), the sex apps are your goldmine. I also feel like the hookup-apps are at a saturation point right now. (Grindr seems so passé. Like the Friendster of hook-up apps.) And there are so many of them: Grindr, Scruff, Squirt, Hornet, Adam4Adam, DaddyHunt, Straight4Straight, Hole4Hire, OrificesRUs, YourBestFriendsHotClosetCaseDad, BiNet, PrudeHunter, and on and on…. We’re so damn spoiled for choice in this first-world culture of ours that exclusivity is all but obsolete. Why stick to one? When it breaks or gets bland, throw it out and get a new one.

I guess I’m stuck on this subject now because I’m getting to the tail-end of my time on OkCupid and contemplating other ways to meet guys. My OkCupid profile has been up for almost two and a half years now. I’ve been on a bunch of dates, been catfished, been toyed with, been ghosted, ghosted some guys (Don’t judge. One guy immediately told me he’d like to put me in the pile-driver positon. [I had to look it up.] Another guy just talked in circles forever.), made a few acquaintances, and attracted more guys who so aren’t right for me that I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve had better luck meeting hotties when I’ve joined special interest clubs, done semesters abroad, worked at places, and gone on vacations to far-off lands.

Last December, I joined a gay men’s hiking group and met a guy who I’ve been dating off and on since January. There’s something to be said for good, old-fashioned face-to-face. Pictures on a computer screen with a blurb attached just open the door for you to invent someone who doesn’t exist. And that just leads to disappointment. (I recently tried to gently turn down a guy on OkCupid who was apparently smitten with me and who later wrote a caustic rebuttal to my rejection. It left me reeling for days.)

So, carry on with your hook-up apps, if that’s your thing. I’m not here to slut shame. I’m just saying that it’s not for me and will probably never be for me. It just seems to me like being on hook-up apps is compulsory if you’re gay. It’s just assumed that everyone’s doing it or bouncing back and forth from it. If you’re not on them, there’s something wrong with you. It’s as if when gays turn 18 now, they register for the draft and download Grindr. It’s required!

Because I don’t follow the crowd, does that make me the new face of fagism? The new, aging face of fagism? I don’t think so. There has to be a whole bunch of guys out there who feel the same way I do. Occasionally, I get glimpses of them online. Sigh… It would be so nice if we could all go off and build our own community.

#hook-up apps #gay life #casual sex #prudes #monogamy #meaningful relationships

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nonbunearys · 7 years

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Now you do all of them! :D

what is your sexuality?I am Asexual Panromantic

what gender do you identify as?I identify as nonbinary

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender?Uhhhh…I wasn’t really aware of either things/didn’t have the terms for them until college. But I identified as some part of the lgbtq community at 13.

do you have any preferences?Ummm kind of. Honestly my preference comes out of safety. So I tend to prefer other trans folks as partners.

share a positive memory about coming out!Probably my best friend. She’s a very old friend of mine. We met in middle school. And we kind of grew a bit distant when we went to college. And like…as far as I knew she wasn’t trans and didn’t know anyone who was. I didn’t even know if she knew what transgender was. But in my senior year of college I decided to come out to a wider group of people. So I sent out a facebook message saying I was making a new facebook and if anyone wanted to be my friend on there, to message me. And of course she did. And I came out to her and she was probably the best response. Like she was completely on board. She didn’t ask weird questions or make me feel like I had to defend my gender. She instantly switched name and pronouns and never messed up once. She’s been the best ally and support and our friendship has been stronger than ever.

how do you feel about pride month?I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. I think it sucks to reduce our history and struggles to a month. But PRIDE events tend to be very exclusionary as well. I tend to feel unsafe and uncomfortable there. And I do think PRIDE has sold out to big corporations and has forgotten its history.

do you participate in pride related events? any other events?I do. I have marched in the parade here. And I will be marching this weekend with my org as well. I’ll also be tabling for the festival.

how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media?Any representation helps. More famous people and public figures are coming out. There are more lgbtq characters and stories. That being said, we still have a long way to go and I am still super critical of how the characters are portrayed and the stories are told. And Hollywood needs to stop with the cis actors playing trans characters. ESPECIALLY if it’s drag.

do you feel pride in who you are?Sometimes. I always am proud of my queerness. But a lot of times I don’t like myself very much.

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?My friends. Laverne Cox.

tell us about your first crush?Gods. He was a crush from kindergarten-fifth grade. We were both completely infatuated with each other. He used to play with my hair in class all the time. He was gonna ask me out right before I moved but my mom didn’t let that happen. Apparently she keeps running into him and he keeps asking about me and my mom doesn’t know how to tell him that person doesn’t exist anymore. She’s really stressed out by it but I think it’s hilarious.

what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? Take your time. Do things at your own pace. And always keep your safety in mind. You don’t need to have a label. You don’t need to know who you are right now. Sometimes it takes time and there is nothing wrong with that. And if you are in a situation where it’s unsafe to come out, it’s totally valid not to. It doesn’t make you a bad person.

have you come out to friends and family?Kind of. I was outed to most of my family. And they don’t know I’m nonbinary. they just think I am a trans man. And that’s fine with me. They’re not really worth the effort. To be honest. I came out to most of my friends. I am really bad at coming out so they’re all in weird areas of knowledge about my identity.

how do you feel about the term “coming out” ?I don’t like it. It makes me feel like I was doing something wrong before.

do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?No. I think the concept of a “closet” puts pressure and blame on the lgbtq person. Where we should be looking at why society makes us feel like we can’t divulge who we are. Or that we need to make a public statement about it.

any tips on coming out?Always put your safety first. Try to have a good support system in place when coming out to people who may not be as accepting.

what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media?I ranted about it above but cis actors playing trans characters. Also 1 dimensional token lgbtq characters.

what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media?Probably just seeing how more roles and characters are popping up more and more.

what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school?None of them really said much. The only like lgbtq reaction I can remember having with a teacher was when one teacher got super pissed that I was participating in the Day of Silence and called the vice principal to remove me from his class. When she came down and he told her what was going on she defended me and said that our school is participating in the Day of Silence and that I was doing nothing wrong.

do you practice safe sex with the same gender?I have never had sex. But if I did. It would be safe sex, yes. lol

what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender?uhhh bigotry and prejudice.

what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender?If they’re compassionate

how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites?I think they are great ways for lgbtq people to connect and find community.

how do you feel about the term “queer” ?I reclaim it. I use it as an umbrella term to describe myself. I don’t call anyone queer without permission. And I am uncomfortable with people outside of the community using it.

how does you country view the lgbtq community?Some places are really good. And some aren’t. I think they’re more tolerant with the LG though. And our government reeeeaaaaalllly hates us.

favorite lgbtq actor/actress?Laverne Cox…Ian McKellen…or George Takei

any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news?Check your privilege. Put LGBTQ voices first.

what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten?The argumentative “don’t you think you’re over complicating things?”

how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender?Honestly, I love talking about it. So long as it’s not from an intentionally harmful place, you can ask me whatever the heck you want about my sexuality or gender. I’m a professional lgbtq speaker and trainer so I talk about it all the time.

#long post #ask meme #undead moon #lol thanks josh

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