#and no amount of negative self talk is going to change the fact that something you made at some point

[sky-berrie]

Heartbreak - the batboys

Summary: How the boys (Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian) react (platonic) when you're broken hearted.

A/N: If you're going through heartbreak over a breakup or rejection I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now. I wish I could take your pain away. Although we don’t know each other, I can say with 100% certainty that you have so much to offer, way too much to waste it on someone who can’t/won’t appreciate you.

If you’re suffering right now, please don't give up. You got through yesterday which means you can do it again today. People often say that every day will get easier, but I know that it doesn't always feel like it; there may be good days and bad days and that's okay. Use that as a reminder that feelings, even negative feelings, don't last forever. But on the bad days, please stay strong. You've worked so hard to heal, don't let it go in vain. Progress may be slow and imperceptible from day to day, but progress is progress and I am proud of you.

You deserve all the love and happiness in the world. You deserve someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. You deserve better and there is much better out there. If you need to hear it from someone else, take it from our BatBoys. Without further ado, here is how the boys react when you’re going through heartbreak.

Dick

If you’re hurting, Dick is hurting. He’ll do anything to help you feel better. He’ll ask you what you need from him, whether that’s someone to talk to or someone to sit in silence with, someone to wallow and eat junk food with, or someone to hit the gym with.

If you want to talk, he’s a great listener. He's patient and lets you vent and circle around and around as many times as you need, but he never lets you put yourself down. He’ll gently challenge your self-deprecating thoughts.

“Why am I not good enough?”

“Y/N,” he says firmly as he turns your shoulders to face him and leans down to connect with your eyes. “You are more than good enough.”

“Then why don't they want me?” you ask as tears pool in your eyes.

Dick shakes his head. His brows knit together in sorrow. “I don't know and we'll never know. Maybe they're going through something difficult that has nothing to do with you. Maybe they're confused. Maybe they're hung up on their ex. Maybe they think you’re too good for them and they got scared. Maybe they're looking for something different at this point in their life. There are so many possibilities but none of them matter because whatever is going through their head doesn't change anything about who you are. You are still the same amazing person that you have always been.”

"If I was so amazing then they would want me."

Dick shakes his head again. "That's like expecting every person in the world to love the same book, movie, song, food, you name it. Who's that comic book character that you're obsessed with? You're always raving about your hot take on why they're the best and how everyone's sleeping on them. Most people don't see their appeal but that doesn't make you love them any less, does it?"

Dick has a point. It's only a select group of people who share your adoration for your favorite character and that has never bothered you. In fact, that makes the character even more special to you.

If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, too. If you'd rather consume an unreasonable amount of junk food, then Dick will clear out the local convenience store and be at your place in five minutes. He won't let you make it a habit because he cares about your health, but sometimes you just need a day to drown your sorrows in sugar.

You’re both in your comfiest clothes sitting on the couch under a fluffy blanket, even if it's 100 degrees outside. You'll just turn on the AC so you can be cozy and snug. You lean against him with your head resting on his shoulder as you eat your favorite snack in dejection. If you want physical comfort, then he'll put an arm around you and hold you close until you've eaten yourself into a sugar coma and fall asleep on him.

Dick worries about you and can't bear the thought of you suffering alone. If you laugh together, you cry together. He will be by your side as much as possible unless you genuinely want/need alone time. Eventually you might start to feel like a burden for taking up his time and disrupting his life, but don't bother pretending to be fine just so he'll stop worrying about you.

You put on your best smile, though you feel it faltering. You hope Dick doesn't notice. "I think I'm good now," you tell him. "That was the last of the tears."

Dick doesn't say anything. He just eyes you, a mixture of concern and contemplation on his face as he evaluates the veracity of your statement.

You try to hold it together just a little longer, but you crack and break down in tears again. Dick pulls you in for another hug. "I'm sorry," you mumble against his chest.

"What for?"

"For being so annoying. You must feel like my babysitter."

"You are not annoying, Y/N. You know I love hanging out with you and I know you'd do the same for me, so please, don't be a hypocrite and just let me be here for you."

Jason

Jason is best at supporting you through the anger stage of your grief. In fact, he will perpetually be in the anger stage on your behalf. If you were cheated on, you best believe that Jason will pay said slimy cheater a special visit. He won’t ever tell you about it because you’re probably going to object, but when your friend tells you that your ex was randomly beaten up the day following your break up, you can make an educated guess as to what happened. Jason knows you don’t approve of violence or revenge but it helps him sleep at night. He hates seeing you cry and if you’re crying, he’s damn well going to make sure they’re crying too.

If you’re ready to talk shit about your ex, Jason is your boy. He has a slew of creative insults to call the person who broke your heart and this man does not hold back. “Y/N, you are way too good for that assmonkey bitchface douchebag. They were lucky you even gave them the fucking time of day. Seriously, you are so fucking far out of their league."

If that weasel has the audacity to beg you to take them back? Over Jason's dead body. You are not wasting a second more on that asshole and Jason will make sure of that. If they call or text, he will not hesitate to colorfully tell them off. If they are brave (read: stupid) enough to show up at your place and unlucky enough that Jason happens to be there, Jason is absolutely going to go berserk on them.

Even if your ex didn't cheat on you, Jason won't want you to take them back. He refuses to let you be someone's convenient option. Jason wants you to be with someone who values you so much that the thought of letting you go never crosses their mind.

If you start missing that person and wanting to contact them, Jason will give you some tough love. He will physically stop you by confiscating your phone or having Tim rig it so that it can't call/text or receive from that number.

“Fuck them, Y/N. They’re trash and you dodged a bullet. Don’t tempt fate now.”

You might be craving the feeling of being wanted and chased and you probably have all sorts of wild fantasies of you and your ex rekindling the relationship. It clouds your judgement and makes you forget about all their many negative qualities.

"But maybe they've changed. What if they really love me and I'm reading it all wrong? What if I'm throwing away something special?" you object.

"Have you lost your goddamned mind? First of all, they're a moron who took you for granted. Unfortunately being moronic is an incurable and terminal illness so it's all downhill from here. Second of all, there's a thousand more just like them. If you really want to waste your time on a jackass, at least pick a new one."

Your head says Jason's right but your heart says otherwise and it's written all over your face.

"Y/N," says Jason, a little softer now. He stands directly in front of you with a serious expression. "I know you're going through hell but I've been there and back. I promise everything will be okay. Walk away with your head held high. Let go of them." Jason offers his hand for you to take. "I've got you."

And with his encouragement, you decide to move on. To help you get through this tough time, his go-to tactic is to distract you with all sorts of activities. It’s 3am and you’re feeling sad? Jason’s over at your place in a heartbeat and you’re going for a drive to get your favorite comfort food in your pajamas. You want Jason to get all dressed up and take you to a gala? Under normal circumstances, he'd rather die again. However, Jason will gladly do that if it means you aren't talking to your ex.

Tim

When you're heartbroken, people invariably tell you don't be sad because everything happens for a reason, be glad that you didn’t waste even more time on them, forget about them and find someone who cares about you. Gee, what splendid ideas; why didn't you think of those before? You know they mean well, but feelings don't go away just because you think they should. As a result, you might act optimistic and upbeat around others to spare yourself the well intended lecture.

However, keeping up the facade gets exhausting. Being social or being around high energy people can become an emotional drain. Sometimes you might want to avoid the entire world, save for Tim. It’s easy to be vulnerable with him because he doesn’t tell you how you should feel. Of course, he doesn't want you to be upset, but he understands that you need to grieve and it's okay to feel sad. Similar to how some people can sit in comfortable silence, Tim can sit in comfortable sadness.

"Did you want to do something today?" asks Tim from the driver's seat.

You shake your head wordlessly. You barely had the energy to leave your home today. Anything else would be too difficult.

"That's fine. We can chill at the manor," he says without judgement. He doesn't make you feel bad for wanting to be a hermit and he doesn't try to force you to get back out there before you're ready.

You follow Tim up to his room and you plop down on his bed. If you want some comfy clothes, Tim will toss you something from his drawers or he’ll grab some of his brothers' or sisters' old clothes.

Tim pulls back the covers for you to crawl under. He tucks you in like a child and kisses your forehead affectionately. It makes you feel loved and for a fleeting moment, the pain is gone.

If you want company, Tim will jump in on the other side and you’ll both be idly scrolling on your phones for a while. However, if you're on your phone, there's a good chance that you'll see something that reminds you of the person who broke your heart. If you don't want to talk about it, Tim won't pry. He'll open his arms in case you want a warm safe place to rest. He might rub soft circles on your back if you don’t mind.

If you do want to talk about it, Tim offers a different perspective. Maybe you're plagued by a million "if only" and "what if" scenarios. Maybe you're stuck on things you did or didn't do.

"I screwed everything up. What if that was my once chance at happiness? I wish I could go back in time and do it differently."

Some people like to focus on the positives. "On the bright side, now you have more time for your hobby." Or, "at least you'll save money on expensive dates and gifts."

They might gravitate to the old cliches, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," and "there are plenty of fish in the sea." Unfortunately, none of that makes the pain any more bearable.

Instead, Tim focuses on the negatives. He recognizes that you're always going to find something to dwell on but you can use that to your advantage.

“You are the king/queen/champion of pessimism, Y/N. Even if you did exactly what you think you wish you had done, I have full confidence in your pessimistic powers that you would still find something to regret.”

Maybe something about that resonates with you. Maybe you've always struggled with indecisiveness because you're afraid to make the wrong choice. Maybe you've always felt like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, so picking one seemed impossible. Now you realize if you're damned either way, then there's nothing to worry about.

“You did exactly what you needed to do at the time,” he assures you. "You are exactly where you need to be right now."

Even though you're understandably still sad, something in your heart tells you he's right. Being here with Tim is exactly where you're supposed to be.

Damian

Damian isn't particularly adept at providing physical or emotional comfort. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that it’s hard for him to empathize. He sincerely wants to be helpful and tries his best but he can be unintentionally blunt and may come across as insensitive sometimes.

“Why do you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?” he asks. Ouch. That stings. Did he have to phrase it like that?

“I don’t,” you answer, almost defensively.

“Then for what reason are you sad?”

“Because they don’t want me.”

“But you do not want them either,” he points out, not understanding the issue.

“Yeah, I know. It just hurts, okay?” you bite, irritation creeping into your voice.

"I am sorry you are upset but I am not sorry they broke up with you, Y/N."

You're stunned into silence. How could be he so cruel? To kick you when you were already down?

Then he continues. "You are genuine, thoughtful, generous, strong, and brilliant. You are a once in a lifetime soul. And them? They were nothing but a lowly simpleton who lacked the capacity to offer you the rich and meaningful life you deserve. They were foolish to let you go - likely too foolish to ever comprehend what they have lost - but I am relieved that you will not be condemned to an unfulfilling life with such a halfwit. They were merely an albatross around your neck, preventing you from achieving and experiencing far superior things in life."

That might have been the kindest thing he’s ever expressed to you or anyone else. Given how much pain you are going through, it’s probably hard to believe him right now, but you have to admit that he made you feel at least fractionally better.

“Come now, Y/N,” Damian says, tugging on your hand. “Let’s go play with Titus.”

The two of you are sitting on the couch with Titus in between. Titus is keen and quickly picks up on your emotions. He cuddles and nuzzles into your side as you gently stroke his fur. The warmth of his body grounds you and brings you some peace.

If you need a change of scenery, you and Damian take Titus for a walk. During your walk, you might come across something that reminds you of your ex. Maybe you see a cafe that you used to go to with that person. Your eyes linger on the storefront longingly and your whole body deflates at the reminder.

Damian notices your shift in body language. “What is the matter, Y/N?” Damian asks.

You sigh. “Nothing, I just - Never mind, it’s stupid.”

“I will be the judge of that,” he says, a little teasingly. “Tell me,” he demands.

You take a deep breath. “That was my favorite cafe. I introduced them to it and now it's their favorite place, too. I can't go there without thinking of them or worrying that I'll run into them."

"For once you are right. That is stupid."

"Thanks, Damian," you mutter sarcastically.

"Shall we?" He cocks his head at the cafe.

"Shall we what?" you ask in confusion.

"Go in."

You stare blankly at him. Did he not hear what you just said?

Damian explains, "you can introduce me to this cafe and then you can think of me whenever you come across it. Look, they even have a Puppuccino for Titus."

You give him a hesitant expression.

"Come," Damian encourages. He doesn't want your ex to have any bearing on your life anymore. He wants you to reclaim the things you enjoy. "Even Titus is excited to try it." Titus takes his cue and barks enthusiastically.

You take a deep breath and bravely follow them inside. You look around nervously as Damian peruses the menu hanging above the coffee bar. If Damian can sense that you are uneasy, he doesn't acknowledge it. He casually asks you what you recommend as if this coffee run was as mundane as any other coffee run. His calm demeanor eases your nerves and you start to feel more comfortable. You realize that it wasn't nearly as tough as your brain anticipated. Day by day you make new happy memories with Damian and Titus. Little by little the happy memories outshine the sad memories.

#Dick Grayson #Dick Grayson imagine #Dick Grayson headcanon #Dick Grayson x reader #Dick Grayson reader insert #Dick Grayson x y/n #Jason Todd #Jason Todd imagine #Jason Todd headcanon #Jason Todd x reader #Jason Todd reader insert #Jason Todd x y/n #Tim Drake #Tim Drake imagine #Tim Drake headcanon #Tim Drake x reader #Tim Drake reader insert #Tim Drake x y/n #Damian Wayne #damian wayne imagine #Damian Wayne headcanon #Damian Wayne x reader #Damian Wayne reader insert #Damian Wayne x y/n #batboys #batboys imagine #batboys headcanon #batboys x reader #batboys x y/n #Robinchicklets

[cafe-au-lait-loa]

ARE YOU AFFIRMING TOO MUCH?

Hello!

I’m back again with another post, and today’s topic is how much affirming is too much affirming. Now, you can replace affirming with visualizing in this case depending on your preference.

So, to make a long story short : I personally do not believe there is such a thing as too much affirming BUT there are limitations that you should think about before you start affirming 24/7.

Affirming, just like any manifestation “technique” (I use this term very loosely) should not be prioritized over yourself. What I mean but that is that if you had too much to do at night, and you ended up going to bed an hour after you should have to feel your best the next day, please reduce the amount of time you are using to affirm. 

I love affirming, for me it’s an easy way to change my brain and to stop myself from wavering. However, those techniques should never be done at the detriment of your own self-care and well being. Self care is a part of your self-concept, and failing to prioritize yourself will have not only an impact on your overall feelings but on your manifestations as well.

I personally can affirm for hours, I have a very repetitive job where I don’t have to talk much to people so I can afford to affirm as I work. But do you think it would be wise for a surgeon to affirm as he is performing a brain surgery? Absolutely not, he needs all of his focus on what he’s doing right now, not repeating to himself that he has a Jeep waiting at home for him. 

Always assess the situation and see whether it is wise or not to affirm. You don’t need to affirm 24/7, in fact most people don’t. Affirming most of the day tends to be very beneficial with people like me who have anxiety and a lot of negative thoughts popping up often. But if you feel like 10min at night is more than enough for you, absolutely do that. Manifesting is about feeling good, if you don't feel good about doing whatever you are doing then you need to go back and find something that will.

Happy Manifesting 🤍

#law of assumption #loa blog #loa success #manifestation #loassumption #manifesting #affirmations #affirm and persist

[hwnglx]

Please do a reading about sunoo's real personality behind the scenes 🙏🙏🙏 Thank you so much!!! 💗

sunoo's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

4ofc, emper, 5ofc+5ofp, kingofw&kingofc

+ sunoo is much more mature behind the scenes. he can be very dominant, strong and commanding when he needs to be. i myself got surprised at the amount of powerful cards. very masculine energy off camera. he's also incredibly good at recognizing what doesn't serve him and letting go of it. it's giving this unbothered 💅🏻 vibe, he exactly knows what situation is worth putting his energy into. if he feels it won't benefit him in any way, he'll basically just shrug it off. definitely a habit that i can see as both, positive and negative.

however, this entire strong facade can often become a protective shield for him. it's so interesting to see the major contrast between the two fives in here, compared to all the kings and the emperor. this boy can either be the most powerful, or the most sensitive soul in the room. off camera, he can lose himself in negativity rather quickly. but he can be just as quick to move on from it. you'll probably see him cry by himself about some minor occurance at first, but the next moment he's there, tears all dried up and ready to go. he's gained a lot of maturity having been through so many disappointments in the past. so, even if he gets caught up in his unhealthy habits, self-pitying or victimizing being one of them (very cancer of him), he's gathered his know how at this point and is capable of pullling himself out of that state.

he's definitely so much more serious behind the scenes. he now knows how to balance his emotions better and has more control over them as he ages. can be very empathetic and compassionate when he needs to be, and is capable of putting his ambitions into practice very well. very intelligent.

queofc+7ofw, 10ofc+10ofp&5ofsw, herm, 7ofsw, 6ofsw

- well, the charming and sweet sunoo we see on camera, can also come out off camera if he feels it's necessary. he can get extremely calculating. he knows exactly what effect he can have on people, and how to use it to his advantage. he basically enjoys using his charm to defend and justify himself very often, and has his strategies to get himself out shtty situations. like if you confront him about something, even if he was in the wrong, he knows he can charm his way out of the situation very well and can get pretty manipulative in that sense. almost to the extent where you'll feel guilty if you keep on talking against him, very puppy-like in that way.

he also has this bad habit of having waaay too high ideals. he basically sets himself up for disappointment a lot. not only concerning himself, but also when it comes to relationships with others. he always has this idea of how he wants things to be, so if his high expectations aren't met, he's very quick to get frustrated. this fear of disappointment and sadness can result in him isolating himself rather quickly. no people, no expectations type of thing.

sunoo is the type to set his goals up way too high and feel the desire to start at level 1000 when he hasn't even reached level 10 yet. people exposing him to that harsh reality can discourage him easily, which is why he can get too avoidant and put himself into a situation where he's very alone and withdrawn from others, especially emotionally. he prefers staying to himself and dealing with his own problems rather than having people from the outside plaguing him with additional baggage.

#kpop tarot #enhypen tarot #sunoo tarot

[foggyparadisecandy]

On Words of Affirmation (and positive self-talk)

I'm going to come straight out and say it: I'm not a fan of affirmations and I want to explain why ... and provide a way to approach them so that they *can* be benefiical, if you are like me.

What are Affirmations?

They can be done different ways but the simplest way to explain them is that they are words you tell yourself to help manifest the you that you want to be.

Things like "I'm successful." "I'm hard-working." "People like me." "I am a good person."

Depending on which "guru" you are following, the idea is you repeat these things to yourself, possibly even looking in the mirror, out loud, in your head, for many many minutes, possibly multiple times per day.

The belief is that by doing this, you will change the course of your life and actually become this person you are telling yourself you are. How lovely, right?

My Issues with Affirmations

The problem is ... for people who struggle with self-esteem, these words are not only useless, I believe they are harmful.

"Sure, Foggy, *words* are harmful. Ok buddy.", you may be scoffing at me.

Well, my friend, if you have followed my blog for any amount of time, you know that I believe, and know for a fact, that words have power.

And the entire idea of Affirmations is that words have power, right? The point is that they have POSITIVE power if you just say the right words and repeat them the right way and do it enough times. That's when the magic will happen.

If we believe that words of affirmation have power, then it's a simple matter to understand that power has no inherent good or bad behind it. It's all in how it's used and the effect it has on the recipient.

So How do Affirmations Hurt People?

If your self-esteem is low - and many people struggle with this, the words of affirmation will be caught by your inner critic that will say "that's not true", "that's not true", "that's not true", and it will reinforce your negative views as you actively reject the very words of praise that you are sending your own way.

Then, the subconscious says "this stuff is supposed to work but it doesn't work on me. I'm a complete loser. Nothing works for me. I'm forever miserable and I suck."

I feel for you if this is you. <3

In essence, for people struggling with self-esteem, words of praise and affirmation make you feel like shit.

That's Depressing. Is There Any Hope?

If you are nodding your head and feeling what I've been saying so far, there is hope for you and, with a small adjustment, you can make affirmations work for you.

The key is two-fold:

1 - Start with known, positive truths about yourself. Depending on where your head is, these might be super tiny little things but find something and start there.

"I have made it to this point in life. I have survived a horrible childhood."

"I love listening to music."

"I love watching <insert favorite tv show or youtube creator or whatever>."

You know you. Figure out those small, TRUE, positive-minded facts about yourself. Repeat them as often as you want.

Definitely think of THEM next time your mind starts berating yourself. And bonus points if you go and do something you like instead of letting your mind beat you up when it goes to that dark place.

2 - Sprinkle in thoughts about ACTIONS you are taking. Focus on the effort, not the destination.

Instead of "I'm successful" -> "I am doing my best and working hard to improve."

"I'm smart" -> "I am working at learning new things and I'm open to new ideas."

"People love me" -> "I treat people with kindness and respect."

Again ... you know you. Figure out TRUE actions you are willing to take to improve yourself.

Don't stress the end goal. Focus on the fact that, hey, you are working it! Good on you!

FUNDAMENTAL TRUTH OF LIFE

And you know what is a fundamental truth?

The journey is the point in life, not the destination. There are a lot of super-unhappy people who have reached their goals because their goals are destinations.

If you cultivate an honest attitude of "I work at things and I am doing my best" and lean into that when your mind wants to beat you up? Well, my friend, you are on your way.

Make sure to take stock every once in awhile and APPRECIATE that you are, in fact, living that life of "doing my best." And over time, that appreciation plus that motivation will lead to some good vibes about yourself.

I hope this helps some folks out there who, like me, find Affirmations, as they are commonly described, to be hokey as hell and counter-productive.

#on topic #self care #self love

[bubbelpop2]

.

So I just had a really good conversation with Mom that I think I really needed to have

There's this really prevalent repeating pattern in me of like.. trying so so hard to function as a normal person. But I just like.. I don't have the tools that most other people have to be normal. It's so hard for me. Just like, being okay takes a lot of energy. And then on top of that, also trying to do normal people things like hygiene and eating and going to work and maintaining relationships and going to college and stuff-- doing those things is really hard. And I have this pattern where I try really hard for a really long time to be normal and be okay and then I just.. Crash and shut down and I can't talk to anyone or do anything for a long time, and I start dreading doing literally anything that takes energy to do. And that's happened over and over and over. And I'm just so caught up in being independent and trying to use sheer will and hard work to be normal that I just sort of.. really ignore the possibility that I need help. Because I know if I try hard enough I can do it.

But it's not like.. sustainable. And it's clear to me now that it's not sustainable. And if I could continue to pretend for the rest of forever that I'm normal and well adjusted without having any negative consequences, I would.

I tried really really hard at college. Twice. And I was good at it. I had perfect attendance and good grades and all of my professors really liked me, and I was doing so good. But I shut down, both times, because it was really hard. I'm really smart, and I've got so many creative ideas, and I've got so much skill and knowledge that's specific to me that I can't like.. utilize. Because whatever is going on with my brain makes me literally.. Disabled.

So I'm going with my mom to the mental health place tomorrow. I've had a really bad run with mental health institutions and professionals not really being able to help me or just basically scaring me into pretending to be neurotypical so I don't get locked up again. My last psychiatrist basically refused to medicate me because I smoked weed. My last case worker refused to help me get on disability because I didn't call her enough or rely on her enough emotionally. I don't need someone to wipe my ass and talk about my feelings with me, I need to have tools to just be able to be normal without having to put in so, so much effort. None of my therapists have really truly helped me as much as I needed, and I think I know why. Because no amount of introspection or talking about my feelings (which I have deep and intimate knowledge of, and know how to process on my own) is going to change the fact that there is something fundamentally hindering me in such a chemical, physical way that I can't function normally without using 200% of my brain power. Which I think is kind of why my headmates are becoming so prevalent, lately. Because I clearly can't just keep gritting my teeth and thugging it out without bad things happening to me. I've never even lied to my therapists, I just have nothing to talk about with them most of the time, because I process my mental problems so automatically and intrinsically and immediately that the presence of a therapist is basically like.. Useless. Because all of my problems stem from physical and chemical issues. Either from self care being nearly impossible when I shut down and I'm incredibly tired, or being manic and having a lot of trouble with sleeping, or interacting with people in public and being so high masking that it feels like every public experience leaves me very nervous for the next one or just entirely relieved that it's over-- I think it's pretty clear that I've got autism and manic depression. And I really really thought I could handle it. And I can, but I shouldn't have to tear myself apart and scrape my claws up the side of a cliff just to function normally. That's not normal. And it's not fair, either. I don't have the same tools as everybody else does to be normal and I know it's not my fault but I'm still so different. And I'm always gonna be different. And I've always been that way.

So anyways, I'm looking into exploring medication again. I kind of gave up after my last psychiatrist basically refused to treat me. But I'm gonna try again. I need support for when overstimulation or a depressive episode or a manic episode hits again. I've been so sick for so long that I just couldn't really imagine getting help.

I don't think a therapist is beneficial. Nobody can help me process my emotions better than I can, and I've already figured this out. But I really need to look into medication and insurance and disability again. No matter how much I want to be normal. I think I really gotta accept that that's just hard. And it's always gonna be hard.

#shut up bubbz

[communicationandconversation]

Ruthless blocking as self-punishment

CW: Extended mentions of aphobia and transphobia, very brief mention of ableism, general negativity around the internet and what could potentially be considered self-harm (deliberate exposure to upsetting materials).

You know how a lot of people say getting into arguments with trolls on the internet does nothing to change the troll's mind and is just detrimental to your mental health in the long run? I'd like to take that a step further if that's alright.

(Disclaimer: this isn't really focused on language but I will be focusing a lot of my experiences as a queer person and disability to some degree as well. It's also not me telling people not to block people, it's mainly me talking about my own experiences in hopes other people might be able to relate.)

Between my tumblr and twitter accounts I have over 800 people blocked. Some of the numbers may be a bit off given the amount of bots and people deactivating their accounts over the years but it's still a lot! The internet is a divisive place and everywhere you turn there's an argument you can join a side in. But, at the same time, it can also be incredibly easy to cultivate bad habits as a result of all of this discourse.

I originally joined Tumblr in 2016 as an aroacespec young person. Other people on those spectrums who have been here that long are probably plainly aware where I am going with this, but it was not a good time to be aroace on the internet then, especially when you're just starting out in those spaces. Arguments around "cishet aceys" taking up too much space in the community and giving it a bad rep with our microlabels and flags was rife. A lot of our culture was kept quieter and quieter - the rings, the cake, the dragons - because it was considered too cringy. "Mogai hell" was enough of a phrase to send anyone packing.

So what do you do when it feels like people on the internet hate your existence? You try to fight it or barracade yourself in. Arguing or blocking, both have their merits and downfalls. When you're arguing with people about belonging in a space, chances are that the person you're arguing with won't change their mind; if anything, they're just going to dig their heels in further or twist your argument to support theirs. But at the same time, there is a chance that other people with the same identity and/or experience will see you fighting and feel less alone.

On the other hand, blocking takes away some of the satisfaction on both sides. People trying to get a rise are just getting ignored rather than recieving attention, good or bad, but you're also still aware that they're out there on the internet saying all of these horrible things, even if you yourself can't see them. For some, this is where the cycle ends, but I tried to take it even further, even if I didn't argue with anyone at any point.

"Ace discourse" had taken over all of the main tags, plus a few (see "Mogai hell") were even more direct in showing you how much people hated your aroacespecness. So, I would go on those tags frequently, find those blogs saying horrible things and go through their posts, blocking other people they reblogged from and then blocking them at the end. I told myself it was a good thing. It meant I was becoming increasingly aware of all of the main aphobic talking points and was also preemptively blocking blogs before I could come across them naturally (despite the fact I might not have come across them at all if I hadn't actively searched them out). It didn't help though. There are always more blogs to block and always more hateful talking points to come across.

You know when they have those episodes of tv shows where people think they want their friends/family/partners to be completely honest with them about everything and then the other person says something that annoys them and it just makes the person who wanted that honesty feel more insecure with themselves? It's kind of like that. It just feels your head with people who don't deserve to be there rent-free, while they have no idea you even exist and wouldn't care if you did or not. People don't want to feel like they're being ignorant but honestly there's so much hate in the world already that living life without also harming yourself is more radical than scrolling through posts on the internet with the intention of blocking every single person who's written one.

It's easier in some cases than others. I see a lot less aphobia nowadays, probably both from me not actively seeking it out and from Tumblr culture moving past it being such a popular form of "discourse". I also have a rule for myself that I will scroll past any form of AITA reddit post that has mentions of autism or other disabilities in the title because the chances of seeing people being ableist on there just aren't worth it.

But at the same time I and other people I follow on Twitter do a lot of work around the rise in transphobia, so even tweets I encounter around trans joy at the moment are bombared with TERFs and other transphobes kicking up a fuss in the comments. Once again people are dedicating so much time to hating a group that just wants to live life happily and it's kind of pathetic. Part of the reason I wrote this though is because I can feel myself slipping back into those same unhealthy routines more and more, since it's so easy to click on a tweet, go to the comments or quote retweets and just start scrolling and blocking.

So in case anyone else has been having the same troubles, hello! You deserve much better than this and if it's not for work I'd advice moving away from following accounts that focus on the doom and gloom of prejudice for a bit. Follow some cute animal accounts, artists or silly novelty accounts! If you use apps rather than websites for social media, don't be afraid to have daily time limits on them, or move to browser-only so they're more of a hassle to get to everytime.

Constant negativity isn't a viable way to live and there's a difference between ignorance and healing. I'm wishing you all the best and hopefully we'll all be able to come out of this on the other side healthier and happier than ever before. Much love! <3

#tw aphobia #tw transphobia #self care #blocking #discourse #mental health #internet safety

[funkymbtifiction]

I’m starting to think majority of the people in my work force are SJs especially since it’s an office job that majority of Sjs gravitate towards. But how do I know the difference between the SFJ and STJ without knowing them personally? It’s a bit difficult to know the difference since most STJ 9s come off super sweet where I confuse them for SFJs.

My experience with 9/ITJs is pleasantness, but it doesn't neuter their preference for factual information and efficiency at all. SFJs are more people-oriented, and STJs are more task-oriented, if that helps.

From an observation view and based on things our facilitator says, she talks about things that happened in the past mainly about her family, but she also says facts are facts and follows the book I’m starting to think she’s an ESTJ 7 which I know she’s a 7 because her motto is to have fun and participate!

That would be an interesting (and rare) combo, but would make a fun time at the office. Does she fit the traditional ETJ behaviors? I could see this sort of pairing as diminishing the "scattered, unfocused, can't finish anything" nature of 7-ness, because ETJs are dominant judging types who want to see their ideas actualized in the world.

Would being a 7 TJ make them less strict and softer? since most of them happen to be so bossy and direct.

They'd be insistent on maintaining "a happy" mood around the office and being positive, wouldn't like naysayers or those who throw cold water on their ideas, need stimulation and activity and to keep things light and cheerful. And the instant re-framing and suppression of their emotions in favor of a positive and confident self-outlook.

She’s notices changes in facial expressions and body language but also doesn’t like to figure out complex things and tells us we’re making things way more complicated than it is. From the beginning of our training she told us what helps her remember things is by writing down them and pinning them on the wall so we can remember it too and doing it again and again. When the power went out in her others people’s homes she thought maybe their computers would still work since hers was still working. If thinking something works for you works for everybody be a sign of someone with a high Si function and always talking about their past experiences?

This isn't enough to go on, other than she seems sensor-ish, and yes, it could be SJ.

Would you think that people who come up with different scenarios and continue thinking of “what ifs” of a situation would be 6 or Ne based?

Ne if there's no negativity attached to it; 6 if it's actively fearful. (In other words, Ne: here's the six ways we could do this project, vs 6 here's the six ways this could end badly.)

And to be honest, Charity, what work force would be great for us Ne doms? Office jobs in my area make the most money with no college degree but I have to remember so many details and that’s what’s driving me nuts so it’s challenge I’ll take on but I also wanted to know what you think.

You're an ENTP, right? Something in marketing would probably be a better fit for you, since Ne/Fe is pretty good at figuring out how to appeal to people and bring them on board a business or a project, but it doesn't involve a huge amount of follow through, especially if you can hand over the rote detail work to someone else. ENTPs can be pretty good "people-people," so it's better if they're not stuck at a desk but are actively working toward something that they can see come to fruition quickly, rather than that takes forever or seems like it's going nowhere. (Endless numbers and data vs. "we just put up this building on First Street!").

#question #mbti

[eviltothecore13]

I just saw a “you [Spencer] fucked up a perfectly good X” meme about Wesker which said “look at him, he has depression!” ????

Wesker...shows basically zero symptoms of depression? I’d argue there’s no way to look at canon and think that Wesker canonically has depression...

To qualify for having depression, someone must either: A) feel sad/hopeless/tearful most of the time (Wesker is never shown crying, never shown giving up--in a despairing way as opposed to a “calculated tactical retreat” way--or coming close to giving up on anything, never really depicted as particularly sad in either his narration, the files, his dialogue or his body language/facial expressions which are frequently smirks, smug grins and evil laughter...most of the time anything from his POV has a confident and smug tone rather than a sad tone and he’s never really described as feeling despairing or hopeless)...

Or B) lose interest in things they previously enjoyed (no evidence for Wesker doing this, he is frequently very clearly enjoying himself, OK a lot of the time he’s enjoying fighting or evil scheming but there’s also a reasonable amount of evidence for him enjoying things like reading, walking in the forest, etc)

They also need at least 3 or 4 of these symptoms:

1) Weight loss, weight gain, or changes in appetite. No evidence of this. He seems to be physically very healthy even as a human and the only change over the series is that he gets taller because of the virus and maybe puts on a bit more muscle.

2) Insomnia OR sleeping more than usual. No evidence of this. Neither is mentioned, his actions in the games suggest he’s not sleeping an unusual amount, and he doesn’t show physical symptoms of sleep deprivation like slowed reactions, reduced alertness, or shaking hands (even in RE1, where he has canonically gone for about 40 hours without sleep because of the events of RE0, he seems unaffected other than some dark circles under his eyes visible in Umbrella Chronicles which might partly be because he just died--I doubt he’d be functioning so well on so little sleep if it was on top of chronic sleep deprivation).

3) Either extremely physically restless and fidgety, or extremely physically lethargic to the point of it being hard to make yourself do anything (including basic self-care). I think it’s safe to say he’s not the latter both because of how active and not at all lethargic he acts, and the fact he’s clearly not neglecting his appearance (quite the opposite considering he’ll fix his hair in the middle of a fight) or (judging by his appearance/build and skill in combat even before he gets superpowers) physical health. His body language also doesn’t really suggest tense fidgetiness, outside of combat/action situations he’s often fairly still and calm.

4) Fatigue/lack of energy. Again, nothing about his body language or his actions really suggest this. The guy does flips and twirls just because he can. Every fight scene makes it very clear that he’s enjoying himself to the point of doing over the top and extra things just to show off.

5) Feeling worthless or extremely guilty. Wesker has been described by the writers as “a confident man” who genuinely sees himself as superior. In files and his narration he tends to talk about himself in a very grandiose way and to have a high opinion of himself. There are pretty much no instances of him describing himself in a negative way or otherwise showing self-loathing.

6) Difficulty thinking/focussing/making decisions. I think it’s safe to say this isn’t something Wesker struggles with. He is canonically a master strategist, both in terms of long-term planning, and quickly adapting his plans when things go wrong (in all games up until RE5, even if he doesn’t achieve everything he wanted, he achieves at least part of it by adapting). He is described in official character bios as “clear-headed” and is never shown to struggle to make decisions or to take a long time over them. The only real flaw in his decision-making is overconfidence e.g. assuming Jill won’t be able to break free of the mind-control.

7) Suicide attempts or suicidal ideation. Wesker...really does not display this. At all. No, “let himself temporarily die because he was confident he’d come back with superpowers” really doesn’t count imo. There’s a huge difference between being willing to risk your life for something that will greatly benefit you if you succeed, and wanting your life to end. Wesker never shows any signs of the latter and in fact wants to be immortal. It is explicitly stated in character bios, files and by the writers that he wanted to become immortal and rule over the world forever. Wesker very much does not want to die.

Sometimes it feels like people think depression, anxiety and PTSD are the only mental illnesses in existence and humanising a character has to involve giving them one of those, rather than doing research into e.g. personality disorders that the character actually does display symptoms of (yes, people with personality disorders are humans, no, headcanoning someone as having a personality disorder isn’t “writing them off as an inherently evil monster” or whatever...).

And like...it’s not like there aren’t RE characters who could far more easily be interpreted as having depression--Leon, for instance, canonically struggles with suicidal ideation and survivor’s guilt and often displays feelings of despair and hopelessness and is stated in background material to feel like a ghost who is incapable of fitting in with the world or leading a normal life which probably suggests he’s lost interest in some of the ordinary things he used to enjoy. The games don’t shy away from depicting these disorders and showing main characters having these symptoms, so if Wesker was intended to have depression I’m sure it would be shown--Capcom aren’t exactly subtle about these things. If you want to write about depression, plenty of characters are right there.  Why shove it onto someone it doesn’t fit?

#tw suicide mention #not putting this in the character tag as it's referencing such a specific post

[heloflor]

I already mentioned it in this post but it’s very interesting to me how there are quite a few mentions in the Telltale games of both Sam and Max struggling with self-hate, regardless of the shitty execution of those ideas. And it’s also interesting how it’s expressed differently for both.

TRIGGER WARNING : mentions of depression, self-hate and suicidal thoughts

With Sam, it’s shown through him having some pretty heavy self-esteem issues, with the most obvious being his negative body image with Sam finding himself too fat.

Bit of a side note about that : I know it was said in the other post already but I’m really not a big fan of how they treated Sam being overweight. Pretty much every joke about it is about a character calling him fat/insulting his weight, and the fact that Sam struggles with his appearance only makes it worse by making those moments very mean-spirited.

And it’s even worse when you compare it to the cartoon. In it, it’s very obvious that Sam likes food but nobody points it out or mocks him for it. It’s just small moments like him stealing everything on the table in “Max Big’s Day”, the pasta joke in the Gator episode, him accepting a whole trail of food in the first episode etc. They managed to make Sam liking food a part of his personality without drawing attention to it in a negative light, which is pretty sweet. And while I would’ve loved for cartoon Sam to have the insecurities Telltale Sam has, I’m completely fine with him not having them if it means seeing a character liking food without it being the butt of the joke.

The worst thing about those jokes though has to be the fact that Sam isn’t even that fat. Yes he’s a bit overweight but, given he’s middle-aged, he’s “dad-shaped” more than anything else honestly. It’s completely normal for a man his age to look like that, and a lot of his weight are probably muscles anyways. If anything, instead of being so mocking, the other characters should focus more on the worrying amount of junk food he and Max eat and the long-term repercussions it can have on their health. Hell, we already know from “Poker Night 2” that Sam reached a stage where he’ll die if he doesn’t eat sugary food…

Ultimately, I’d say the only “fat jokes” that make me laugh in Telltale are the one with Sam holding his younger self at gunpoint and the one when the Superego insults him. And for the Superego one, that’s because 1. It comes out of fucking nowhere, 2. I love Sam’s reaction, especially his little insulted shoulders shrug, 3. The ego immediately apologizes afterwards. Idk, there’s just something comedic about this moment.

Btw I’m also fine with Sybil pointing out Sam’s weight in 305, since Sam is the one being an asshole by projecting his insecurities onto Sybil being “fat” due to her pregnancy, so Sybil has every right to call him out.

But overall, the only saving grace regarding the fat jokes in the trilogy is the fact that, not only is Sam one of the main and titular characters (and the one playable character !) instead of a “comic relief side-character” cliché like most overweight characters are, but Sam is also the smart one of the two, again going against the “fat character” cliché. Plus, Max has a bit of a stomach as well but never talks bad about his appearance, although this doesn't change the fact that the fat jokes about Sam are of bad taste.

On top of his body issues, Sam seems generally insecure ? I mean, in 304, there’s that thought Sam can have about how much more powerful Max is now and how he might not need a partner anymore. The way he villainizes Hugh Bliss in S1 and how much it looks like jealousy due to Max’s crush on Bliss could also be rooted in insecurity.

And thinking about it, maybe this could be one of the reasons why he’s so protective of Max (aside from caring about him of course) ? This is probably a stretch but what if Sam protecting Max makes him feel “useful” in some way ? I mean, he is a dog, so maybe he sees it as his duty to be there for Max and might be afraid of Max not finding him “useful” anymore ? (again going with his thought from 304)

Hell, going even further on the weird theory, given how close Sam seems to be to his grandmother, and given how Ruth is a pretty badass person, what if Sam was trying to sort-of walk in her steps ? Or maybe she told him stories about Sameth that made Sam wish to prove himself ? (again, that’s a veery long stretch)

As for Max, first off, it’s pretty funny to me how he has no body issues at all compared to Sam. Max has mentioned a few times that he finds his own body hot, the best example being 201 with him talking about his future self. And honestly, I don’t think Max finds himself unappealing nor is he trying to “overcompensate” by acting this way. He does seem to genuinely find himself attractive. After all, we are talking about a guy who walks around naked and flirts quite a lot. He also has a superego so…

But on a psychological level, Max is hinted to struggle a lot more. First of all, you have his “lazy” side from 106 when he gets blissed out. This side of him clearly seems depressed more than anything else.

There’s also something I saw someone else mention : the fact that the trilogy mentions once or twice that Max takes pills, with Sam taking care of the prescriptions. We’re never told what those pills are for, so maybe it’s for his depression ?

I guess I could also talk about how in the cartoon Max shuts down whenever he’s not with Sam like in “Max’s Big Day” or during the breakup flashback in the finale, same for the vr game with 1-2 lines hinting at his internal struggles. But this post is more about the Telltale trilogy, tough those instances are worth mentioning.

Then, there’s the Superego, a major part of Max’s brain that literally hates him and wants to kill him. Since he’s part of Max, doesn’t that mean Max shares those thoughts as well ?

Another thing about him : I’m part of the people who don’t think he truly wanted to save Max in the end. Maybe he was surprised by Max’s wish to save Sybil and her kid, but I do believe that the ego still intended to get Max killed and only used Sybil as an excuse to pretend a change of heart. In my eyes, the reason why he talked about saving him was because he was aware of the Maimtron coming in 4 minutes and wanted Sam to be safe, and he knew Sam would never leave unless he was persuaded that Max would be fine.

After all, if the Superego is part of Max, wouldn’t that mean he cares about Sam at least to some degree ? Overall, he doesn’t really insult Sam outside of the “well you’re fat” comment (tho he is pretty condescending + obviously all his insults against Max pisses Sam off) and even waves goodbye to him when the trio leaves.

(Tbh, I like to headcanon that, since he’s part of Max, the Superego has feelings for Sam but hates it because, being a Superego, he doesn’t want to care about anyone but himself. So he’s salty that Max’s feelings are forcing him to care about someone he wouldn’t give a shit otherwise while at the same time being unable to “turn off” those feelings)

All this to say that the Superego is part of Max and the thoughts he has are thoughts Max most likely has as well. So him committing suicide was likely something Max desired as well. It’s kinda interesting actually how the Superego wanted to go in an explosion of glory. While obviously he’s an ego so of course he wants people to notice him, the way he wants to die does sound like something Max would want for himself (not me wishing the Superego had some mannerisms/animations that are either similar or reminiscent of Max’s).

I’d also like to mention the whole “Alternate Max saying that he blew alternate Sam up” from 305’s ending. First of all the way he says it with a smile hints that he’s hiding his true feelings about the situation, unless that’s just how he reacts to incredibly distressing events, kinda like how nervous laughter is a thing. But in any case, it shows distress from him.

But more than that, I want you to think real hard on the implications of a suicidal person, who jokingly said in the past “when I die, I’m taking you with me Sam !”, finding himself in a position where the one he loves more than anything else has to be killed. How much do you wanna bet that alternate Max only accepted to blow Sam up because he very much intended to jump on Sam and die with him, only for Sam to shove him away at the last minute ?

Side note : I really like how you can read 305 with the lenses of trying to prevent someone from committing suicide. I mean : The fact that Max turns into a self-destructive person that also ends up hurting those who get close to him. The fact that the major characters spent a week trying to find a way to get inside Max’s head. The fact they eventually give up and start considering putting Max out of his misery. Sam refusing to give up on Max and doing anything he can to save him because Max is worth everything to him. The fact that the only hope to save Max is to change the Superego’s mind, aka making Max realize that he’s worth living. The fact that the robot toy, which is the main item needed to help Max, is collected by having Sam bring Max to different places to make him remember things, and all those memories are making Max smile, so one of the main ways to save Max is to remind him of happy times…

I don’t know if anybody who’s a lot more knowledgeable on the topic of depression ever made an essay about this case, but if so, I would love to have it linked because this stuff is incredibly fascinating to me !

Something else I’d like to mention, though we’re heavily getting into headcanon territory here : if Max hates himself, what does he hate about himself exactly ? Because looking at how “wild” Max is, plus the fact that he and Sam were bullied as kids, I can’t help but wonder if maybe Max considers himself a “freak” and kinda hates his urges and impulses and how he can’t control them even if he tries. And yes this is based on the disdain the Superego has for those parts of Max.

Then there are other small things that can spruce his self-hate, like Max often getting himself into trouble or having memory issues, to name a few. Again, what if Max also struggled with those ?

Which leads to another situation : Max hiding how he feels deep down about himself. Heck, remember how in 205 Max mentions that he’s allergic to dogs but never talks about it and just goes on without complaining ? What if Max internalized his self-hate in general ?

Tbh thinking about it a bit more, Max also struggles in regard to his height, and I think that’s actually the only thing Max is openly insecure about ? I mean, given all the “f*scists” comments and other small moments of frustration (him taking growth supplements in S2 and being sad Sam didn’t notice, or getting mad at Grandpa Stinky in 301), he doesn’t really hide it.

Yet another side note : Mentioning Max’s memory issues got me thinking about how terrifying it must have been for his older self when older Sam started getting dementia, making him panic over which things Sam forgot that he also did, on top of forcing him to step up and be the responsible one.

And as another side note regarding Max being impulsive and having memory issues : can I just say how much I love how patient and accommodating Sam is about it ? I mean, we have several instances where we clearly see that he doesn’t mind having to repeat things for Max, like how he constantly reminds him he doesn’t like girls, the “I’m right here little buddy” from 104 that sounds more concerned than annoyed, or even the first dialogue with Grandpa Stinky in 301 with Sam giving exposition and, when called out on it, says he’s doing it for Max. It’s also pretty sweet when you consider how Sam loves going on and on about random stuff, so he probably doesn’t mind repeating things because it gives him an excuse to ramble.

Idk, I just find it very sweet how in general Sam absolutely ADORES Max just the way he is and doesn't mind having to help or accommodate him. And while he can get annoyed by a few things like Max’s violent tendencies, by the end of the day he wouldn’t want his bunny any other way. 💖 I also feel like this is the kind of positivity that Max needs, given how low he seems to think about himself…

Finally, something that is 100% headcanons but I still wanted to mention it : the fact that Telltale Max is explicitly gay and grew up in the 70s/80s. At least from my understanding of the characters, Sam and Max were born in the late-60s/early-70s, were teens in the late-70s/early-80s and are adults in the late-80s/early-90s when their adventures start.

This means that not only was Max bullied and excluded since he was a child due to being “weird” and “dangerous”, but it’s also likely that he started getting bullied as a teen for never showing interest in women. And don’t get me started on the can of worms we can open if we consider the real-life context of those times, more specifically the early 80s…

Speaking of bullying, my headcanon for the “Max forgetting he doesn’t like girls” joke is that, after being heavily bullied in high school, Max grew tired of this shit so he started pretending to like women, hence why every single time he talks about women it’s a sexual joke and is about several women instead of one, because he’s just trying to imitate what “chads” would say. And as an adult, he either keeps forgetting that he doesn’t have to pretend anymore, or making those jokes became a “reflex” of sorts since he started them as a form of self-defense.

This headcanon also works with what happened in 204 with Mama Bosco : basically, going to prom and pretending to flirt with girls made other boys react positively to Max, and Max realized that he enjoyed this feeling of belonging. So he grew up pretending to be a lady’s man, because as long as he showed interest in women in the most stereotypically heterosexual way, other boys his age would treat him more as a friend than a freak. Also in 205 the way he keeps mentioning how much he’s into Mama Bosco just sounds like he’s absolutely desperate to be viewed as straight, despite the fact that he flirts with Mr.Reaperphone (the karaoke machine) less than 5 minutes into the case.

All this to say that Max’s sexuality could also have led to a lot of self-hate at some point in his early life, although I feel like his relationship with Sam absolutely made those feelings much easier to deal with. The fact that he’s comfortable showing attraction to many men also could hint that he’s doing better on that front, even though the depression is still there, but for other reasons.

Annnd I have no idea how to conclude this aside from repeating what was said in the intro.

Yeah, this whole post is just some incoherent babbling about some half-developed thoughts. And given how old this franchise is, including the trilogy, for all I know this stuff was already debated about in the past and I’m just parroting stuff people already know. Still, I needed to get that out of my system so…

#Sam and Max #SamandMax #Max's Superego #Freelance Husbands #sam and max freelance police #Telltale games #Flor talks #long post #tw depression mention #depression mention tw #tw suicide mention #suicide mention tw #one of the few long posts where I'm not making a Tl;Dr #mostly because I have NO idea how to explain this in five sentences #so if you want a short version; click the link in the intro and scroll down on that post until you reach the trigger warning in bold text #it tackles the main idea of this post

[askaborderline]

hi, I'm not sure how to go about this.

So I've not been officially diagnosed with bpd, but I've done the self tests and read through the symptoms and behaviors and I check off pretty much all of them. In therapy it was the same for CPTSD except I had my therapists supporting that being a possible diagnosis. Due to financial issues I can't see him but this sort of realization has changed everything about well, everything.

One thing being I sometimes compulsively lie. When I'm very worked up or overwhelmed or feel like I'm ready to break, I lie or change parts of a story. It's almost on instinct and I've even considered if I were a pathological liar/a manipulative person. My therapist assured me I was overreacting and did kinda change my perspective on things but it's kind of all just coming back and making me feel queasy.

Usually my lies center around me being sick or hurt or anxious because I wanted to have comfort and be treated kindly. But by telling the truth I felt I'd get told opposite or treated like I'm making a big deal. Which doesn't make sense because I've lied to some of my closest friends who I feel really safe with and understand my mental health issues. I think it links back to my childhood and the trauma I have from there (still experience because I cant afford to move out yet) but I keep feeling like I'm making excuse after excuse and what if the truth is I'm just a really shitty person.

One lie that's eating me is months ago my sister who recently turned seven revealed to the whole family that she was having suicidal thoughts as a result of her friend doing self harm. I had the same thoughts as her at that age and had even attempted to take my own life so the whole situation was extremely triggering. I opened up to a friend about it but when I did, I said my mom called me and told me what happened when the truth is, I found out when I got home and we talked in the living room. I dont know why I changed this stupid detail but it's been eating me up and I'm horrified. My friends have bpd and npd but I feel like if I were to reveal this they'd drop me I mean it's an ugly truth. I've been extremely unstable throughout this year and only recently have been faced with it being very very possible I have quiet bpd but it's not an excuse. I lied.

- bea

It’s not an excuse but also lying about little things really isn’t a giant moral failing. Honestly sometimes people just forget details or get them mixed up and the toxic culture of “ALL LIES ARE BAD LIES AND YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR LYING” very much negatively impacts people who have issues with remembering things in pristine and perfect detail or even just make a mistake when talking about something.

I understand the desire to change small details in certain stories to make a story perhaps more dramatic or something. Honestly I don’t think that’s really “bad” just that if left unchecked it can become really bad. I think you’d be surprised the amount of neurotypicals that do this. I can think of something that happened just last night where someone told me something and to myself I said “I’m pretty sure that’s not what happened or how it went down but okay”. And even last night when I was told I had to do a chore at work I whined and said “I did it like three times already this week!” which was very much Not True™️ and I realized I meant last week but said this week by mistake. Like it happens. It’s not that uncommon or a big deal for people to over-exaggerate or change their story when challenged about it. That’s a normal thing.

If it’s really eating you up inside perhaps you should just come clean and say you forgot that’s how it happened. I really doubt they will care or latch on to it too much, but if they do then that’s on them. I mean if the person I thought was lying to me straight-up last night came and told me that they were in fact lying and this didn’t happen at all I would be like “okay” and move on because I REALLY do not care. It doesn’t change our relationship at all.

Listen like I really understand that it’s a big deal that eats you up inside when you’re the person who did it, but put yourself in your friends shoes: would you care if they lied about a little detail like that when the story itself was true? Maybe you would. That’s just who you are then. I’m sure there are people out there like you who might care more than people like me but I guess personally that’s such an inconsequential thing in my life, there are other things people could “do to me” that are way worse that lying to me over such a small detail feels insignificant.

If it really bothers you that much then just put the effort into really trying to stop yourself when you feel like you want to lie. No one’s going to expect you to be able to flip a switch and just start telling the truth right away, and honestly maybe you can’t overcome that, but I think there are worse things out there and you’re going to be okay.

#aab #mod spooky

[safety-net-did]

One of the times I was in psychiatric inpatient care as a teenager, I wrote in my journal the line “why ask why, it doesn’t change anything”.

I spent a lot of time trying to explore what was making me so suicidally depressed, why I was lashing out in anger so much, and in ways that made me not like myself. I kept turning up nothing, because none of the things I could find were acceptable.

I grew up getting invalidated for having “negative” feelings, even the most minor ones. No reason was good enough for me to express sadness, anger, grief, etc. unless someone else in my life was experiencing it over the same thing. If one of my toys broke and I cried over it, I was “being ridiculous” because, to my parents, it was just a toy. The fact that it mattered to me and I was sad it had broken didn’t matter, I just needed to not cry about it.

In psych treatment I had a similar issue. Things I would bring up were outright dismissed by my care team as not relevant (hint, they were very fucking relevant), simply because they were “small” things, so my reaction was “disproportionate” (even if my only reaction was thinking angry thoughts to self-soothe)… No one ever seemed to consider that maybe I was testing the waters with small grievances to see how safe it would be to talk about larger ones.

Some feelings, especially anger, were so thoroughly villainized and pathologized that I came to believe that there was no way for me to express those feelings that was acceptable—so why even bother asking why I felt them in the first place? The only treatment I was going to get for it was to functionally tell me to not be angry. I can’t recall a single time in my psychiatric treatment prior to going to college that I felt like my feelings were validated despite acknowledgement that my reaction/response to those feelings could be inappropriate. Instead, I internalized the message that my feelings were invalid no matter the cause, no matter my behaviour.

That is the context I first wrote that message to myself—why ask myself why I was feeling? The reasoning was irrelevant to everyone else, since I just ~shouldn’t~ feel that way. No matter how carefully I tried to follow the “acceptable” ways of expressing myself, I was still shot down and invalidated. Mostly because I was drowning in an emotionally neglectful household. No amount of thought diary-ing and WIN statements was going to help me express emotions to people who wouldn’t allow me to have emotions. At least, not when it was inconvenient for them.

Anyway. That phrase has stuck around with me for over a decade, and I was thinking of it again just now in context of folk with low levels of emotional self-awareness. (To talk around a subject I don’t want to go into detail about right now).

In my opinion, the why you feel something is always going to be less important than what you’re feeling and how you respond to that feeling. Simply because you don’t need the why to moderate your how, nor to acknowledge your what. It can help, it can certainly make things easier, but it isn’t necessary.

For example, say you’ve got an agitated feeling in your brain. One strategy that seems to be default for a lot of folk is to look over their day for things that could lead to this agitation, so that they can figure out how to name that feeling (a big step toward coping with it). Maybe they remember a series of small oversights a co-worker made that they had to correct. From there they recognize frustration and decide to write an email to the co-worker to relieve the tension. In this instance, we used the “why” (co-worker left work) to figure out the “what” (frustration) and the “how” (email co-worker to resolve root cause).

This is great! It is a common strategy taught to help us manage our internal and external experiences! But.

Say you couldn’t find the thread. You’re just agitated. You’ve been dealing fine with the co-worker for weeks, nothing new has happened, why are you suddenly wanting to punch things when you see their face? Maybe you can name it as frustration, maybe not. Maybe you’ve tried a few resolution tactics aimed at deescalating your emotional state, but they aren’t resolving the root cause so it keeps ramping back up. Perseverating on what exactly is causing it isn’t giving you clarity, it is just annoying you further. 

From here the options become kinda limited for you, don’t they? If you’ve already discounted the issue with your co-worker as unimportant (It was just that one small thing! Then that other small thing. Then that…), you may never alight exactly on the why, even! 

Some folk seem to get to this point and just. Stop? They leave it ignored and/or unresolved. I get that. I’ve been there. Sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles, y’know?

To tie this back around to the beginning point of this: I will not always know WHY I am feeling something (and no one else always knows either). I’ve got lots of hidden memories and triggers and all that annoying mental illness stuff in there that can and does obfuscate the “real” reasons, or the depth of the reason. There are plenty of other reasons someone might not be able to get to their why.

I won’t always even know WHAT I am feeling (nor will others). I’ve got varying levels of alexithymia, emotional amnesia, and straight up trauma around recognizing my own emotions. And, again, there are many reasons why someone can struggle with this.

Problem is, the pysch folk were right about one thing: if you don’t consider how you respond to what you are feeling, you’re likely to react in way that you and others find unacceptable.

Like yelling at your co-worker over something petty, simply because your brain finally found a “reason” it could accept to release all the pent up feeling. (This is also where you can file emotional transference- the target of your behaviour isn’t always the instigator of the feeling.) But when asked why you yelled at your co-worker, you come up blank. Now that you have released the anger, the thing that set you off seems so small and insignificant. Certainly not worthy of yelling about.

From here folk split into two groups (though it is not a pure binary). Those who double-down or refuse to acknowledge that they made a misstep, and those who acknowledge the issue and work to correct it.

Either way, they are in the same boat of needing to learn to self-examine. The latter just has a better chance of success since they realise there is a problem.

So. In consideration of my opinion that the “why” isn’t necessary and that it isn’t always functional or even possible to confidently ascertain the actual root cause, what am I proposing?

Simply that we, as people, can consider how we are acting toward others whether we understand all the contributing factors to our state of mind in the moment or not. That even if we can understand why someone was unkind to us, that doesn’t give them the right to have been unkind to us. And even if we can’t understand why we’re am feeling like shit, it is our duty as people to try to avoid spraying that on others in unconsidered ways.

It isn’t that the why doesn’t matter. It isn’t that the WHAT doesn’t matter. It’s that the how is of prime importance for working with others.

Getting caught up in “I don’t know why I feel angry” is a fruitless task if you are using it (knowingly or not) to avoid moderating how you respond to your feelings of anger. If you are using “I don’t know why” to suppress your anger and then let it leak out on others because you’re not addressing it.

But what I can do, despite the difficulties, is always decide how I want to behave, how I want to respond to my feelings, how I want to express them to others. And then fight like hell to live up to that as often as possible.

So “why ask why, it doesn’t change anything” still rings true to me, just in a completely different way than before. Back then it was a call to suppress my feelings, to avoid letting them impact how I behaved in any way.

Now, it is a reminder that I don’t have to know all the ins and outs of my experience at all times. If finding the why is too difficult in the moment, that’s okay. Because it doesn’t change who or how I want to be.

All that as a long winded way to functionally say: Struggling to know your internal stuff? Having “bad” feelings? Those aren’t sins. They don’t make you a bad person. But the classic adage of “treat others how you would want to be treated” holds true. Try not to let your feelings spill over unchecked. Grant people grace when they screw up.

At the same time, make sure others are treating you the same. Notice patterns—some folk are uninterested in changing and it isn’t your job to put up with it. Someone who is struggling to manage their emotions but is trying is in a better position than someone who doesn’t believe they have a problem.

Consider yourself but don’t analyse yourself into a stress corner. You may not always know why. Why you or someone else felt or behaved a certain way, what series of events led to it. That is okay. Just try to surround yourself with other folk who realise the same thing.

I know these aren't revolutionary ideas by any means

#long post #diary; self #snd has opinions #tw psych ward #tw sui #both just mentions but i wanted to warn #relearning life #path to healing

[griefdestined]

@retrocognizantrecreant​ asked: 

If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear? 

Even being a grown man with a Padawan of his own, Obi-Wan still seeks comfort from Qui-Gon when he’s scared. Despite their relationship being rocky, and him having changed how he saw his Master upon reflection as an adult, he cannot deny the safety that he would feel from Qui-Gon’s mere presence. At the beginning of Anakin’s apprenticeship, Obi-Wan was filled with a lot of fear, and would often meditate and talk to Qui-Gon as if he could hear - even if at that point he didn’t know that Qui-Gon could actually hear him. 

But when Qui-Gon is not available he reaches out to the Force. As said in Obi-Wan Kenobi, the tv show, the Force to him is like a light in the darkness, it’s the feeling of flicking on the light after having a nightmare or hearing something alarming in the middle of the dark. And in a way, since Qui-Gon is one with the Force, he still gets the comfort from his old Master that he is looking for. 

What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

Honestly? I can’t think of anything. Obi-Wan is so stereotypical with the hobbies that are relaxing while also being an adrenaline junkie if that makes any sense? While he was younger, he often hated going to the archives mostly because he saw it as a punishment and as him doing something wrong, but as he got older he learned to appreciate learning and the amount of knowledge that the Coruscant Temple has. I suppose, the only thing that I can think of which is already acknowledged in canon is his dislike for flying. 

For someone that is an exceptional pilot and his profession/lifestyle revolves around exploring and traveling the galaxy before the war and then eventually as the war starts and he becomes a general is expected to carry out dogfights and be on a ship for a majority of his time - he really does hate being on a ship. He loves being out amongst the stars, and he loves exploring but Obi-Wan really wishes he could do so without the cold impersonal metal of starships. They’re unfeeling to him - someone that sees the Force as a source of light, as stars and galaxies, and ever moving nebulae and cosmic dust. The metal of ships is uncomfortable. And then of course with his history of crashing and being shot at in ships, he has a lot of negative connotations with traveling. 

Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

I think this depends on the situation. Obi-Wan is so ridiculously stubborn and set in his morals and principles. If it was something that went against his principles and that is why he abhors it then there would be no chance in hell of his participation. But if it’s something that he merely doesn’t like because it bothers him, or perhaps makes him slightly self conscious, he will put aside his own comforts for a loved one. He has done so many times in the case of Anakin’s hobbies growing up, and Obi-Wan is almost certain that Anakin saw his reluctance as disapproval of Anakin’s actions rather than the fact that Obi-Wan just didn’t like or enjoy something personally.  

What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

Obi-Wan is quite the interesting character because he has such a specific way of speaking and yet, there’s no true source of his accent or his manner of speaking. The best I could assume, is that the Crechemaster that he grew up with had a Coruscanti Core accent. Additionally, there is proof that he spent a lot of time in the archives looking over prophecies and ancient texts for Qui-Gon as said in Claudia Gray’s Master and Apprentice. I like to think that he picked up Master Nu’s accent there as well because she has a Coruscanti Core accent, though a lot of his syntax and diction comes from all of his readings. At first it was from a desire to want to seem educated and more desirable because of his constantly being picked on as a child and looked over as a Padawan. Eventually, it just stuck and became his manner of speaking. However, he does often pay attention to others and how they speak as multiple times in the Clone Wars he would phrase something as someone else had phrased it by even mentioning that it was how someone worded it. I like to think that he is a little amalgam of everything he has picked up along the years, and yet that farce that he created as a kid to seem more mature, more desirable, and educated stuck because well....it worked. And a part of him knows he wouldn’t have become The Negotiator without that.

#i. ‘ there will come a poet whose weapon is his word. ’ ┈ « character study. » #retrocognizantrecreant #iii. ‘ incoming transmission. ’ ┈ « answered. »

[psychdeliks]

IV. Brother

Past and Childhood Memories

My brother's past and childhood was very normal. He would be playing games in the computer, hanging out with his cousins, and watching television. In fact, he called himself a shut-in during his childhood as he usually spent time at home playing video games with his friends and family. Although he was a very energetic, talkative, and rowdy kid. In school, he would get detention every month, scolded by teachers, in arguments with classmates, and in trouble with fellow classmates or teachers. He was a class clown and used any opportunity to be funny, perhaps as an outlet to his creativity and freedom.

As he got older, he started to become more selective of showing his rowdy side. He started to keep his thoughts to himself and did not want to put the same effort in being noisy as it became meaningless to him. Getting older, he had less energy, so he allocated his energy on things that actually mattered to him. He also became more socially aware and started to care about what other people think. Although currently, he says that he is satisfied with his part

In my brother's childhood, it can be seen through cognitive developmental theory that my brother has seen himself as a male through the ways that he socializes. It is very common for boys to be much more rowdy and have troubles with self-regulating their emotions than girls due to the greater amount of testosterone in boys. The greater amount of testosterone explains the aggression or hyper behavior seen in boys at a young age. As boys tend to gravitate towards these attitudes in their childhood, they recognize themselves as males as they are able to observe that the male sex act similar to them. This is also from Robert Plomin's Blueprint as the biological aspects are what influence my brother's behavior, but the 50% caused by environmental factors could possibly be what caused him to become more selective of sharing his thoughts. The school environment tends to strongly influence a child's behavior, and slowly this child seeks to survive in his environment by adapting to socially accepted norms and behaviors. As my brother got older, he started to care about what people think, and perhaps this is due to the way his environment nurtured him. From the countless negative experiences such as detentions, scoldings, troubles, and arguments, his brain might have realized that it was unnecessary to keep up with the rowdy act, thus he had changed. The audience of his creative outlet of becoming the class clown and a jokester went from the whole class to only a select few friends. It is possible that his environment full of judgment and punishment had caused him to change his personality towards the rest of the other people that he did not really trust.

Qualities: The Good and the Bad

My brother had mentioned that some of his good qualities are that he is very self-aware and open. He desires of change as he does not want a stagnant life. He is very purposeful, and he feels empty and irritated if he is not doing something productive. Although he has clarified that this sense of purpose is an innate and intrinsic feelings that he listens to, it is not from fear or pressure of what other people think. He is also emotionally resilient as what other people say do not really bother him to a strong degree. He specified that he has a just do it mindset. Things that normally bother him are just things that get in the way of his productivity.

While some of the negative qualities of my brother are that he gets distracted easily and that he considers himself selfish. He gets distracted easily, usually from his phone and social media. It is negative to him as he feels horrible after getting distracted, yet he does not know why he keeps going back to it. Selfish is what he would describe himself as he states that almost all of his actions are for himself, and his goals are all for himself. He considers it a negative quality because he tends to accidentally disregard other people's needs. He does not want to allocate time for others or do things for others as it triggers a sense of annoyance as he feels that he is not productive while doing things for other people.

In analyzing the positive aspects of my brother it is understandable that he is very self-aware and open because of his environment and the way in which his personality was nurtured. As his sibling, our family is very explorative when it comes to all things such as sports, cuisines, traveling, and different experiences. As an individual that is very purpose-driven, it is likely to be open as all situations might have positive effects in his life. Being self-aware is also related to his emotional resilience, as to control one's emotions, they must first realize it and become aware of it. It is through awareness that problems and stresses become small as awareness creates space in the mind, which causes all problems to be smaller in our heads. Although he did not mention it, I observe my brother as he lives in routine. He eats nutritious food and works out consistently. Proper nutrition and movement is a great important factor to having emotional resilience and discipline in one's life. I believe that my brother can be considered a stoic which is a term founded by Zeno in Ancient Greece. He continues throughout his life being aware about his capabilities and determines what he can do in any problem. He is not at all dominated by negative emotions as he seems to master his mind.

With regards to the negative qualities of my brother, it is possible that he gets distracted easily as social media tends to target the dopamine neurotransmitter in our brains. Using social media is an instant overstimulation which releases a lot of dopamine, which then acts as a reward hormone for our brains. When our brains feel rewarded, it is easy to form addictions to certain things, as almost all addictions are aided by dopamine. I can also say that my brother thinks he is selfish because he is not given a role in society wherein he has to think of the community. He is not at an age where he would have a family, thus he would only think about how to improve himself.

Health Issues: Physical and Mental

My brother does not have any major health issues, but he has allergies that are distracting. It is difficult for him to focus if he sneezes and blows his nose frequently. Clogged nose also affects his sleep, and as an individual who exercises and wants to gain muscle, sleep is very essential to him. When his sleep is ruined due to his clogged nose, he feels lethargic throughout the day. Sleep is necessary for him to maintain his energy levels and do the things that are productive for him. He mentioned that he does not have any mental health issues, other than a difficulty in focusing.

With regards to the physical health issues, his behavior becomes affected as his energy levels are not sustained throughout the days of lack of sleep from his allergies. Without enough energy, we cannot do the things we aim to do. When we cannot do the things that we aim to do, we become frustrated with ourselves. My brother seems to be an individual that is ambitious and hard on himself when he does not finish tasks allocated for the day, thus this could have negative effects on his mental health. Sleep is an essential key factor to a healthy state of mental well-being, without it people become lethargic and tired.  With regards to my brother's difficulty in focusing, it is possible that he has always been explosed to higly stimulating experiences such as video games, fun events and experiences, and social media. When in need of focus for productivity and work, it is difficult to stop the brain from craving what it is accustomed to. Lack of focus may be fixed through habit building of detoxing dopamine from the brain.

Views and Lessons about Life and Dealing with People

In my brother's navigation of life, he believes he must have accountability to himself and that he has control over his life. When it comes to dealing with people or doing actions, he knows for himself that he has the ability to fully commit to these things. He does not think that it is beneficial to give power to things that he cannot control. At the end of the day, he cannot do anything about certain events and experiences, but with the things that he has control over is what he will focus on. He first aims to find a direction, whether that be his goals, dreams, and aspirations, then he makes sure that all his actions are aligned to those goals. He strongly believes in the empowerment of an individual and that we all have the freedom in our lives. He also believes in having a good network and community. It is important for him to have people to check on his wellbeing and to still maintain fruitful relationships. "To grab life by the tongue" is one of his mottoes. Another strong view that my brother has is that people should stand firm in their beliefs and understand why you should even believe in your belief. This is important to him as belief systems act as a foundation in his life. There will be many people who try to indoctrinate you with false information, and you may doubt. He says that you must question them even only in your thoughts on why they want you to believe in these things. You have to stand firm and know if they have any ulterior motives. My brother says that it is in these times where we strengthen our beliefs. when we are challenged and questioned. Finally, he mentioned that another motto of his is to seek truth through funny. Throughout the entire essay here, it might seem that my brother is very serious, but he is also very playful. His childlike characteristics continue to live on through the things that he loves. He mentioned that he seeks to find out the truth while being funny at the same time. With finding his purpose, he does not aim to be too serious, he wants to enjoy it. To him, this is his outlet of creativity.

When it comes to dealing with people, he just reminds himself that every individual is just a person. Everyone goes to the toilet, everyone eats, everyone sleeps. This causes him not to fear dealing with people as they are just like him, a human. He also states that people do not really care about you, in a good way. "People focus on their own lives, and so should you" is what my brother believes in.

It is possible that my brother believes these things because my two parents live with these beliefs as well. Both of my parents are very productive and practical when it comes to life. It is important for both of them to do things in the best way possible. The person-in-environment theory can be seen in this as my brother is heavily exposed to these ways of thinking, thus he is susceptible to believing in these things as well. He was taught to believe these things, thus his foundation on the importance of accountability and living the best life freely are strong and firm. My parents also talk about the importance of connections as they are beneficial to our overall mental wellbeing. My dad repeatedly tells my brother and I that it feels good to be surrounded by a group of friends that you can truly trust with whatever problems you may have. The connection of the parent and child is truly influential in the growth of the child's mental wellbeing and values in life.

Why did I choose to write about my brother? What is his significance in my life?

I chose to write about my brother because he is the person that I trust the most. He is one of my role models because of his consistency and discipline in many areas of life which I struggle to apply in my life. As someone who is also easily swayed by emotions, I really want to learn from my brother's ability to become unbothered by things like emotions and opinions of other people. The significance of these in my life is that if I apply the things that he applies to his life, I am able to become more fulfilled and satisfied with myself.

References

Cassidy, A. (2023, January 23). The startling difference between raising boys and raising girls. IMAGE.ie. https://www.image.ie/self/the-startling-difference-between-raising-boys-and-raising-girls-155515#:~:text=Physical%20differences%20are%20undeniable%20%E2%80%94%20baby,and%20harder%20to%20calm%20down.

Elder, J. (2017). Child parent relationship theory. In E. S. Leggett & J. N. Boswell (Eds.), Directive play therapy: Theories and techniques (pp. 135–161). Springer Publishing Company.

Hari, J. (2022, March 8). Your attention didn’t collapse. It was stolen. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/jan/02/attention-span-focus-screens-apps-smartphones-social-media

Word Count: 2095 words

March 27 2023

[s8nslilhelper]

Changes

Over the past four years of my life everything that I have ever know has changed. To say the very least it has been a rollercoaster of emotion. For a very long time I simply wanted to be angry. I wanted everyone to feel my pain. I’m spending so much time being angry, I had forgotten how to be happy. For anyone who knows what I am talking about, you know exactly how scary that realization had to be. I knew then that it was time for a change.

I spent a considerable amount of time in self review. I took stock of everything that had occurred and for each event I decided to find one positive thing to remember it by. Finding the positivity in all the negative was insanely hard.

In the end of my review I knew that overall the bad something positive did happen. I had learned after nearly forty years how to find my own mental balance. I have been bipolar all my life. I tried the drugs and while in some days they would help, most they wouldn’t. I was a slave to my own mind. Some days I still am. Yet I am stronger now, mentally anyway.

I have a sense of pride in myself. What should have broken me, I used to make me stronger. For that simple fact I know nothing can stop me. Now I set my goal and focus my attention at what I want and get going….

#real life #bipolar #mentality #mental wellbeing #mental problems #im so happy #life lessons #personal growth #strong #strength #anger #journaling #writing

[free--therapy]

hi it's anon! thank you for the kind answer as always <3

and also thank you for saying that my struggles are valid. because all this time, i have been belittling my struggles. just because the reason i'm struggling are my own mistakes does not mean it's easy or not as hard for me. all this time i've been thinking that my struggle with this isn't "real struggle" because i kept telling myself that i brought this upon myself, i'm the one to blame, so i can't call this "struggle" and by doing this, i was invalidating how i felt because even if it's my own mistakes, it doesn't change the fact that i'm struggling right now and having a hard time and it doesn't mean it's normal because this is caused by anxiety.

but many times, a question comes up- then what do I do about all those mistakes? what do I do about my past self who has done those things she shouldn't have done? what about all those memories?

i mean i've been thinking about if i should be apologising for all those mistakes to get that closure but tbh, apologising for every mistake- small or big, that i remember from the past also seems unrealistic and unnecessary if it's from months or years ago because while my anxiety says you should do it, i know rationally if i do that everytime, it may never end and it may bring up issues where there are none.

especially if it's those mistakes where the other person doesn't know i did something. as in, i may have said or did something in the moment based on my negative feelings at that time but if the other person doesn't know i did something, then in that case, is it okay to just move on? or is it necessary to come clean even if it's a minor issue?

i talked to a friend about this and according to them, if my mistakes significantly affected someone's life in any aspect like career, education or personal life then in that case, i should come clean and i totally agree with that. but if they have not been actually affected and if they are continuing their life without even knowing that something happened, then in that case it would be like ripping up old wounds especially in case where i am the only one affected.

so for mistakes where the other person hasn't really been affected and if i'm the only one struggling with those mistakes because of anxiety then can i move on? i mean if i have learned from my mustakes already then is it okay to let go? is it okay if i do that? to move on from my past mistakes after i learned my lesson? am i allowed to do that? is this also anxiety/depression making me feel like apologising for every single thing? i sort of have this thought pattern that i don't deserve good things till i apologise for every single mistake which is really unrealistic i know and rationally thinking, i know i don't need to but when irrational overthinking comes up, it feels like the correct thing to do.

Hey again Anon!

I know how powerful it is to feel like what you're going through is valid and to hear it from someone else because we often have a tendency to minimize our struggles because it's so easy to compare them or think that it's our fault. That accomplishes nothing in the long run and won't make the problems go away really. It needs to be acknowledged in order for it to be made into a real thing and I know it matters.

but many times, a question comes up- then what do I do about all those mistakes? what do I do about my past self who has done those things she shouldn't have done? what about all those memories?

You work on forgiving yourself! Especially for the things you have no way of apologizing for now. What's in the past is in the past and no amount of worrying about it will change what has already happened. What you can do now is forgive yourself, learn from the mistake, and do better next time so you don't repeat those things. A lesson learned and changed behavior is the best way to overcome those feelings of guilt or shame. If you ever have the chance to "come clean" to these people you feel you've wronged, you can always do so. More than likely, they'll forgive you for it or probably tell you something like they didn't even notice or think that was something worth remember. We often remember and hold onto things we felt we've done for a longer time than others do. We also think certain things we do are wrong, when maybe the other person didn't even notice. Either way, it shouldn't be taking up real estate in your mind anymore.

Yes, it's absolutely okay to move on when the lesson is learned from your past mistakes. You are human and failure and making mistakes is all a part of the process of growing as a person. Letting go of them won't make you a bad person and you're allowed to keep growing and living your life without the need to apologize :)

#ask #answered #anon #failure #mistakes #intrusive thoughts

[funkymbtifiction]

hi charity! lately i have a problem managing my anxiety about my dog's physical health. he is 2 years old so he is still young and he is fine i think (he eats, he wants to play, he sleeps normally etc). the fact is that he happened to have a little cough (happened twice within a month) and i got worried and started obsessing over every little physical thing that i think it’s wrong (a sneeze, a louder breath, a "strange" movement etc), and this thing is driving me crazy, especially since i have never paid attention to these things so i don't know how to interpret them and i have no past experience to take as an example. when this happens i also do a wrong thing which is go googling the symptoms. and google gives me a number of diseases that he can probably have and so i start to overthink and explore all the possible things that he could have, from the most idyllic situation (he just breathed something that made is throat irritated) to the worst case scenario (he has heart problems or a collapsed windpipe). i know that going to the vet for a checkup would solve half the problem, the fact is that i have neither a car nor a driver's license and i should ask my father to accompany me, but he and my mother think that i am just paranoid (and probably it is true, i don’t deny it. the fact remains that i am not calm and i sleep badly because of this and i wish i could solve this by myself but i cannot). could this be a FI/SI loop? and if so how can i get out of it? or is it dictated by my enneagram? (i know that 9 passes to 6 under stress). i don't know if you can help me but i would really like to get back to normal (be positive, don't overthink about sensory things etc). sorry for this rant and for my bad english.

This sounds like an anxiety attack. Sometimes there are stressors happening in life and our brain fixates on one thing and chooses it as the source of our anxiety. It may or may not be the 'actual problem,' but it is what we are paying attention to. It can also be triggered out of love for something or someone (in this case, a beloved pet) and anxiety about losing them. I encourage you to talk about this with your parents, talk through your concerns, and see what they have to say. It's also good to remember that just like humans, animals can sneeze or catch a cold. It does not mean they are going to die.

The last time a loved one of mine went to a doctor, she said, "I see you have been doing your own studying online and looking up things on Web MD. Don't do that." That same principle applies to pets. Do not do armchair "what's wrong with my dog?" searches that are just going to foster your anxiety about the 900 ways your dog could die.

I have a cat with a chronic allergy issue that has caused me an enormous amount of stress over the last two years, and the only way I can handle my anxiety is to adopt a measure of control over the situation and decide how to fix the situation. "I will monitor this for two days to see if it improves/gets worse, and then I will do this." Having a plan of action that is sensible and allows time for the pet to recover allows me to stop thinking as much about it and calm down long enough to detach and analyze the situation from a more logical place rather than an emotional one.

I encourage you to sit down and write out your fears, get them on paper to see whether there's evidence to support them or if they seem unlikely, and then come up with potential solutions for them. If you want to go back to your happy go lucky self, for every negative outcome, write down the opposite best case scenario and focus on that. You will have to be deliberate in changing your thinking. :)

I think your dog will be fine. :)

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