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#and nothing is distracting enough to make it stop
cherryredstars · 2 days
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Stress! Miguel x Spider! Mafia Queen! Reader? Where in Reader's universe it's kill or be killed and has no choice *but* to kill the bad guys and is a vicious spider to the enemies but a total sweetheart to children (yes, including Hobbie), and a seductress/tease to Miguel she's head over heels for our grumpy dilf.
But the main plot being Miguel being stressed and angry from between missions and the society not doing what they're supposed to do so he gave in to the temptation and called in Reader to de-stress himself and made sure we- reader belong to him and only him?
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Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader
Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Impact Play, Spanking, Breast Play, Mentions of Overstimulation, Minimal Aftercare
Unedited
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You didn't expect it to lead to...this.
It was just mindless fun. Something to help take the edge off of the stress. Harmless teases and flirting that was supposed to stay one-sided. A way to temporarily distract yourself if anything.
You didn't know Miguel would ever act on anything you said.
It seemed normal enough. It isn't uncommon for Miguel to call on you, demanding your presence for a mission or to recruit new spiders that randomly popped up around the multiverse. He seemed normal too, sure a little more on the hotheaded side today, but still normal enough. But you were so wrong.
One second you're standing, and the next you're perched over Miguel's lap.
Each of your legs are spread wide as they're thrown over his muscular thighs, your suit up and missing as your bare back presses into the electric sting of his suited chest. The yellow screens around you gives your skin a glowing quality, exaggerating the natural shadows of your figure. You're already squirming from the discomfort of having your legs stretched so wide, embarrassed that your cunt is exposed fully. You flinch when Miguel's large palm strikes down on your core.
A wanton noise escapes you, and you turn your head to bury it in Miguel's neck. His other hand is kneading at your breast, massaging the rounded flesh before targeting your nipples with mean tugs and pinches. He's rambling about something, muttering into your hair about all the annoying shit that's happened the whole week and how you're the perfect stress toy to help redirect the anger. You can't quite make out the words, your mind focusing on the stinging sensation of his palm and the stimulation of your nipples.
Your hips jolt as he gives your cunt a rapid succession of slaps, each one targeting your sensitive clit. Your body tries to close in on itself in an attempt to save you, but Miguel is always quick to readjust your body for easy access. He gives your clit a mean pinch, and you feel tears well up in your eyes as the pain zaps up your body.
"stop squirming, only making m'more mad." He grunts into your ear as he relents his pinch.
You can only nod your head weakly in agreement, sniffling into his neck with a soft moan as his hand gently massages your red cunt. Even through the suit he can tell you're embarrassingly wet, his fingers circling around your pulsing hole before giving it tiny little spanks that do nothing but surprise you. His eyes are trained on your body, admiring the way you twitch and squirm as he takes out his anger on you. You take it so well, making him so proud.
He coos when a sob tears through your throat when he slaps your cunt again, leaning down to kiss the tears. He doesn't stop though, the sound of his palm meeting your wet flesh resonating through the room. You let out wet babbles, your hands desperately trying to grab onto him for comfort. He eventually lets go of your breast, freeing his hand so you can grab weakly onto it. Both of your tiny hands grab at it, fingers shaking as you take it.
With a few more quick slaps you let out an anguished scream, a dam suddenly breaking inside of you as you convulse in his lap. Miguel groans at the sigh of your body jumping with an unexpected orgasm, your clit twitchy and red. He talks you through the wave of pleasure, only stopping his slaps when your body slumps against him in exhaustion.
"There you go, pretty. That's a good girl." He mumbles down at you, rubbing slow circles into your clit despite the overstimulation.
You whine weakly, tears still streaming down your face as you hiccup into his neck. Miguel pulls his hand away from your clit, massaging your thighs to help soothe your body without irritating the sensitive skin of your sex. You almost want to cry out in relief when something cold presses gently at your core to relieve the burning ache of the lasting sting a few minutes later. Miguel seems to pick up on the relief it provides you, humming softly and pressing a small kiss to your hairline.
That's his good stress toy.
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letsnotperceive · 2 days
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Okay, I just can’t stop thinking about John Price honestly. Especiallyyy after he’s *retired*!!
Here is a little drabble (is that the right word? Can’t remember, I’m new here). It gets a little 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 (18+) towards the bottom but nothing crazy. F!Reader
⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢
﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉ ୨ᰔ୧ ﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉
✧.* Because sure, big buff military man who’s puffin’ more smoke than a chimney is cool and all. But give me sleepy, squishy, human teddy bear Price. Give me Price who’s perpetually exhausted after carrying the weight of the world on his back. Price that just wants to hibernate for a while with his luv.
✧.*Im thinking he’s all softened up around the edges. All that muscle mass doesn’t disappear over night, but as time passes and he’s no longer on an extensive workout routine, it ain’t sticking around forever. Big ol’ pecs that you can squish your face against, a little padding to his stomach. Hold on, stay with me now 🤤
✧.* Of course, he’s still got that grizzly sort of appearance. All mapped in scars and maybe the occasional burn from those late nights spent at his desk with a cigar between his fingers while he’s drifting in and out of consciousness with exhaustion. The damn workaholic! Hairy too; least we forget—that beard and those arms. Oh lord.
✧.*Maybe one day you realize in that post retirement laze of his (which is well deserved, mind you. Don’t give him a hard time now) that he’s looking a lil’ extra scraggly. You sit on the bathroom counter, and with a delicate hand and a very distracted focus, you give his beard a shave. All cute and romantic, the room still steamy from your shared shower…
BAD. Mistake. You both agree to never let it happen again. An angel just lost its wings!! Leave his beard alone 😭
✧.*Treat this man so good, he deserves it. Whether you like to cook or not, you find yourself gravitating to the kitchen on occasion to make sure he’s eating well at least some of the time. Some home-cooked meals to cancel out all those shitty MREs he’s consumed in his lifetime.
✧.*Bet he will reward you for it too; he’s got a soft spot for good girls. He is tired of yelling commands and barking out orders, he’s too worn out to deal with a brat. Be a sweet little thing now and show him some love. Offer to climb into his lap and take over when his bad leg starts acting up, see where it gets you.
✧.*Rolling your hips to a steady rhythm only you hear, he lets you have your fun until he’s ready to set the pace. Big hands pawing at your waist, clutching at you just tight enough his fingers are going to leave red marks for him to soothe away after. He doesn’t even have to roll his hips up against you, he can just move you as he pleases with his strength.
✧.*You don’t even have to try to give him a show—he drinks in every little reaction you give him. His heart skips a beat when you mewl, your eyes threatening to roll back in sheer bliss. The sticky sound of your thighs, drenched in arousal, meeting his skin. The way your lips meet his neck and shoulders, kissing and nipping love bites against his body. The mattress springs squeaking from underneath you two. It’s a performance, and he’s dedicated to appreciating every moment.
✧.*He’ll send you melting with his words, too—
“Mmm, is that good, little luv’?”
“You like that, baby? My darlin’?”
“Such a good girl—doing so well f’me.”
“F-fuck lovie, do that thing with your hips again~”
✧.* Aftercare is top-tier with him too, no questions asked. He may have gotten a little lazy in his retirement, but never when it comes to you. Water, a snack, a quick clean up. Him putting his entire weight over you like a human weighted blanket. Whatever you need, Lovie.
﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍﹍⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣
Wrote this quickly after doing an online job interview, I don’t think it went very well bc I have awful RBF but wish me luck :,)
Should I do a full fledged fic about this? Anyone interested? Okay, bye <3
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edenesth · 21 hours
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TWTHH Spinoff: Written in the Stars [1]
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Pairing: military strategist!Mingi x royal physician!reader
AU: historical au (Joseon era)
Word Count: 5.5k
Summary: Mingi had spent countless years searching for the angel who saved his life when he was on the verge of death. He believed god was on his side when she finally reappeared before him, but she was now so near yet so far, so unobtainable. No longer just a young medical trainee, she had become an esteemed royal physician—a woman working within the palace walls. And what did that mean? It meant she now belonged to His Majesty.
A/N: As stated in the title, this is a spinoff. If you have yet to check out the main story, it's probably better to read that before starting this.
Main Story | Spinoff Masterlist | Part 2
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"Hey, hey, hey, look at me. Just focus on me, okay? You can hear me, right?" a sweet, gentle female voice called out, followed by a soft touch on his cheek. Mingi forced his eyes open in disbelief—how could a woman be in the war zone? As he cracked his eyes open, he was breathless at the sight of a beautiful angel before him.
You smiled in relief, cupping his face delicately. "That's right. Everything will be okay. I'll make all the pain go away. Just stay with me, soldier. Can you do that?"
He nodded weakly, his once weakening heartbeat now pounding in his chest. "A-anything for you, my lady…"
"Quite a flirt, aren't you?" you teased, reassured that he was still well enough to be playful. He was the most critical soldier on site, and you had been immediately assigned to him as soon as you and a team of medical experts arrived to treat the injured soldiers.
Your breath had hitched when you first saw him, your heart nearly stopping at the sight of the blood caking his body, a huge gash on his abdomen, and countless other cuts. Without wasting a second, you settled beside him and did everything you could to keep him conscious. He was losing too much blood, and if he remained unconscious any longer, you might lose him. For now, you had no choice but to multitask by treating him and keeping him distracted.
Anything to keep him awake.
"N-no, only for you…" he croaked, and you breathed out a laugh, your hands busy cleaning his wounds, unfazed by his bare upper body. Sure, he had a great physique, but so did most soldiers around here and many other patients you'd treated. His clichéd and sweet words were also nothing new to you. Patients delirious from blood loss often behaved this way.
He held onto your hand when the stinging pain became a little too unbearable as you cleaned the open wound that was still bleeding profusely. You placed your other hand gently over his, stroking his skin in an attempt to comfort him. "It's okay, soldier. I know it hurts, but it will be alright."
With care, you slowly moved his hand back to his side before continuing. You could feel his awed gaze fixed on you, but you didn't mind; it meant he was conscious, and that was all you needed. Through a sharp wince, he choked out, "W-when this is all over, will you please allow me the h-honour of courting you, my lady?"
You raised an eyebrow in amusement, shaking your head in disbelief at his bold question. No matter how flirty other soldiers could get, none had ever dared to ask to court you. This was a first. With a shrug, you decided perhaps a little white lie wouldn't hurt too much.
"We'll talk about it when you're fully recovered. How's that sound?"
Smiling weakly through his pain, he nodded. "Sounds wonderful."
You continued tending to his wounds, your touch gentle but efficient. Despite the gravity of his injuries, he kept his eyes on you, drawing strength from your presence. The battlefield around you faded as you focused entirely on keeping him alive.
Minutes felt like hours, but finally, the worst was over. You had cleaned and dressed his wounds, stopping the bleeding and stabilising him for now. You leaned back, wiping the sweat from your brow, and gave him a reassuring smile.
"There, all done. You just need to rest and let your body heal."
He nodded, exhaustion evident in his eyes, but there was a glimmer of hope as well. "Thank you… for everything."
You patted his shoulder. "Just doing my job. Now, get some rest."
As you stood up to move on to the next patient, you couldn't help but glance back at him. His eyes were closed, his breathing steady. Shaking your head, you reminded yourself that it was just his delirium speaking. No man would want to court a lady simply after taking a single glance at her. He didn't know you well enough to feel that way. He would probably forget all about you by the time he was healed.
The same way you would forget him.
Only you were completely wrong about that. The first thing Mingi thought about when he regained consciousness was you. He lay in bed for weeks afterwards, with different physicians checking on him regularly, but never the angel who had saved him from moving on to the afterlife, the one who had comforted him during the most excruciating pain he had ever experienced.
When he tried to ask for you, he realised he didn't even know your name or designation. He had no information about you other than that you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen—a description not very helpful for others to identify you.
Just like the wind, you were gone.
He never saw you again, but that was when his search for you began. He remained hopeful even as years passed. He didn't know why he was so fixated on one woman he knew nothing about. But you weren't just another woman. You were the one who saved his life, the first one he had the courage to ask out, and most importantly, you hadn't said no to him yet.
So that had to mean something. He must have a chance; he just needed to find you.
Even when all his friends, family, colleagues, and nearly the whole world called him a fool for being so hung up on someone he had only met once, someone he might never see again, he refused to give up. As a soldier and now a military strategist, he rarely interacted with women, and even when he did, they were often intimidated by his appearance and put off by his dangerous job. They rarely saw him as a marriage prospect.
That was why he couldn't move on from you. Your delicate treatment all those years ago had left an indelible mark on his heart. He could still remember every single touch of your fingertips on his skin, and he longed to have you close again.
His colleagues would laugh, calling him a fool. "You're chasing a ghost," they said. "She might not even be real." But Mingi knew better. He had felt your touch, heard your voice, and seen the kindness in your eyes. You were real, and you were out there somewhere. You had to be.
He devoted every spare moment to finding you, combing through records and speaking to anyone who might have known the medical trainees from that time. His friends often found him lost in thought, staring out into the distance, clearly fixated on a memory that had become his driving force, always looking for 'his one.'
When he finally found you again, he didn't expect it to be again in the war zone, where the conflict with Ruhon had just ended and the injured General Park was absent. He remembered hearing your delicate voice stand out amidst the sea of men blocking your way as you firmly tried to push through, unfazed by the soldiers surrounding you—a quality he greatly admired.
"Forgive us, ma'am. Women are not permitted here," one of the soldiers explained. Mingi recalled pushing through the crowd to hear your response: "Yes, I know that, but you don't understand. I'm here on His Majesty's orders. We received word that General Park has been poisoned, and I've been sent specifically to treat him."
I finally found you, my one.
At that moment, seeing you again was all that mattered. You were all he could see and hear. He was so fixated on the fact that you were right in front of him that he hadn't yet processed the implication of you being a royal female physician.
None of that was important as he cleared his throat, his deep voice booming across the space. "Let her through."
"But sir, the general isn't even here—"
The military strategist sighed. "I said let the lady through, soldier."
"Y-yes, sir."
He basked in your appreciative smile as the crowd finally dispersed, allowing you space to breathe and enter the camp after what felt like an eternity of being stranded outside. You had travelled far and long, and the last thing you needed was to be asked to return to the palace without a proper explanation. You had been sent to treat the poisoned military general—how could you explain to His Majesty if you returned empty-handed?
Following the tall man who politely introduced himself as General Officer Song, you immediately knew who he was. He was a renowned military strategist, the only one competent enough to be acknowledged by the great General Park Seonghwa.
"Thank you for intervening," you said, matching his brisk pace.
"Not a problem. It's an honour to have you here," he replied, his voice steady and respectful. "Royal Physician...?"
Your eyes widened in realisation at your lack of self-introduction. "Oh, how rude of me for not introducing myself. Please address me as Royal Physician Ahn."
"It's nice to meet you, Royal Physician Ahn," he said, pausing for a moment to take in your appearance, hoping you might recognise him. His heart sank slightly when you merely returned his smile courteously. "Pleasure to meet you as well, General Officer Song. Now, if you'll just take me to the general."
He chuckled, shaking his head. "He's not here, my lady."
You halted your steps. "Wh-what do you mean he's not here?"
He gestured to the main tent, beckoning for you to follow. "Please, I'll explain everything."
As you walked side by side, you couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity and comfort around him, though you couldn't quite place it. Little did you know, the man beside you had been searching for you since that fateful day, driven by a memory that had never faded. And now, with you by his side, he was determined not to let you slip away again.
Except that might not be his choice to make.
"Don't you ever regret becoming a woman of the palace, unnie? I mean, look at that—it must be nice to be in love," Subin, your colleague and childhood friend, said as she nudged your shoulder, nodding toward the second prince and his wife. They were the only royal couple so far to marry out of love and not duty, and the two were taking a stroll in the nearby cherry blossom garden.
You shook your head with a small smile. "We've been over this, Subin-ah. Love is a luxury for people like us. Besides, we now belong to His Majesty, and nothing can change that. Watch your words and don't let anyone catch you saying things like that."
As much as you agreed with her and thought it would be nice to have someone to love and be loved in return, you knew there was no point in dwelling on the impossible. Any chance of that was taken away from the moment you both decided to pursue careers as royal physicians. Not that you had much of a choice—both you and Subin were orphaned at a young age, the only survivors of a plague-ridden village that had claimed your families.
Left with nothing, you had begged the exhausted medical practitioners, who were struggling to treat as many infected people as they could at that time, to take you both in, promising to work in any way you could as payment. Feeling sympathetic and touched by your determination, they agreed, and you grew up as apprentices to these struggling physicians, promising to repay them when you were older. And you did, by signing up to enter the palace. It was the most successful path for any medical practitioner, and with your income, the dingy clinic run by your saviours could finally survive steadily.
However, this success came at a price.
Palace rules dictated that any woman working within belonged to the King. In other words, you were his property. Once you held an official position within the palace, you could never marry or have children unless it was with His Majesty himself, if one was lucky—or unlucky enough—depending on how one viewed it. Most palace women would work until their death and be buried within the palace walls. Only in rare and special cases were some granted the privilege to retire and leave the palace to live out the rest of their lives as they pleased.
You sighed, looking at your friend. "As much as I understand what you're saying, we both know there's no point in dreaming about it. Our path was set the moment we chose this life. Love, marriage, children—those things are not for us."
She nodded slowly, her eyes reflecting a mixture of resignation and understanding. "I know, unnie. It's just... sometimes I wonder what it would be like, you know? To have someone who cares about you, who is willing to take care of you, who loves you."
You placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We have each other, and we have our duty. That's enough. It has to be."
She smiled weakly. "You're right. We made a choice, and we've helped so many people because of it. We should be proud of that."
"We should," you agreed, squeezing her shoulder gently. "And who knows? Maybe one day, we'll be among the lucky few who get to retire and live out the rest of our lives outside these walls."
Subin chuckled softly, finally moving and continuing the trek back to the royal medical hall. "A girl can dream, right?"
"Indeed, my dearest," you said, returning her smile. "A girl can dream."
Meanwhile, Mingi couldn't stop replaying the events of that day—finally seeing you again. He had sat you down and reassured you that the war with Ruhon had ended and that the general was already home, being taken care of by his own family doctor. Once you calmed down, relieved, Mingi began asking you multiple questions under the guise of courtesy, secretly hoping to see if you recognised him.
"How long have you been a royal physician, my lady?" he asked, his eyes keenly observing your reaction.
"Quite a few years now," you replied, sinking into your seat and relaxing at the pleasant news about the nerve-wracking war and the general's safety. "It's been a challenging but rewarding journey."
He nodded and smiled warmly, happy to ease your worries. "I can imagine. You must have treated many patients over the years."
"Yes, many," you said, your gaze distant for a moment as you recalled the countless faces. "Each one leaves a mark, in a way."
His heart sank slightly at your words, realising that he was likely just one of those many faces. "You must have seen some incredible recoveries," he continued, trying to keep the conversation going.
"Indeed, I have," you agreed, your expression softening. "It's always a blessing to see someone recover, to know you've made a difference."
His disappointment was palpable, though he masked it well. You didn't show any signs of recognising him, but he figured it must be because he was only one of many patients you had treated. But you were here now, and that was all that mattered to him. He resolved to work hard to help you remember him, to gain your trust, and most importantly, to earn your affection.
"You know," he said, his tone light and conversational, "it's rare to find someone as dedicated as you. We're lucky to have you."
You smiled modestly. "Thank you, General Officer Song. It's an honour to serve His Majesty and the people."
He leaned in slightly, his eyes sincere. "The world certainly needs more people like you, Royal Physician Ahn."
"I'm glad you think so," you said, feeling a surprising sense of comfort in his presence.
Mingi couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he recalled how you had eventually allowed him to escort you from the war site back to the palace. You hadn't rejected him, and that must mean something. It must mean he had a chance. It must—
"Look, hyung, I know you're happy you finally found her, but you do realise she's off-limits, right?" said Junghoon, his apprentice and close friend. The younger man shook his head at the military strategist's dreamy expression that had persisted on his face ever since reuniting with his dream girl.
Mingi's smile faltered slightly, but he quickly recovered. "Off-limits...?"
His apprentice raised an eyebrow. "She's a royal physician. You know the rules as well as I do. Don't tell me you forgot palace women are the King's property. They're not allowed to marry or have relationships outside of what His Majesty permits."
Mingi's expression turned more serious, though the light in his eyes didn't diminish. "I know the rules, Junghoon-ah. But I also know that nothing is truly impossible. Exceptions have been made before."
Junghoon sighed, clearly concerned. "You're playing a dangerous game, hyung. I just don't want to see you get hurt."
The military strategist nodded, appreciating his friend's worry. "I understand your concern. But she means more to me than just a fleeting interest. I've been looking for her ever since that day, and now that I've found her, I can't just let her go again."
Junghoon studied his mentor's determined expression for a moment before nodding slowly. "If you say so. Just be careful. You know the palace can be a ruthless place."
Mingi smiled again, more determined than ever. "I will, Junghoon-ah. Thanks for looking out for me, my friend."
The younger man patted him on the shoulder. "Always, hyung. Always."
Officer Song's smile weakened as soon as his apprentice left. Truth be told, the realisation that you were now a royal physician weighed heavily on him. He understood exactly what that meant. Under the reign of any unreasonable king, Mingi would never have dared to continue his pursuit. But he knew His Majesty was one of the kindest rulers Joseon had ever seen. While he wasn't exactly confident that things would go his way, he would be damned if he gave up without giving it his all first.
The reality of you being a woman of the palace was disheartening, but it didn't deter his determination to fight for you. He knew it was foolish, but that was the thing about love—it made people do stupid things. He leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, lost in thoughts of you.
His mind wandered back to the moment he first saw you again, the way you had smiled at him, the relief in your eyes when he reassured you. Those memories fueled his resolve. He had spent years searching for you, and now that he had found you, he couldn't let palace rules stand in his way.
As he sat there, the light from the setting sun casting long shadows in his room, he made a silent vow to himself. He would approach His Majesty, present his case with honesty and respect, and hope for the best. The King's kindness gave him a sliver of hope, and he clung to it with all his might.
Mingi knew the risks, knew the odds were against him, but he also knew that love was worth fighting for. He took a deep breath, his determination solidifying into a plan. No matter how impossible it seemed, he was ready to do whatever it took to be with you.
But the challenges were proving more difficult than he had imagined.
"General Officer Song, are you hearing yourself? Do you realise what you are asking of me? What would the people of this nation think if I were to give in to the whims of my men so easily? Rules are established for a reason," His Majesty said strictly.
Mingi lowered his head, sinking to his knees and bowing deeply to express his sincerity. He knew he could have gone to Seonghwa about this, and the general, being the King's favourite, would have easily helped him. But the military strategist didn't want to rely on or exploit his friend's connection. This was his love story, and it was something he needed to accomplish on his own.
He tried to keep his voice steady as he continued speaking. "I know this must be an incredibly outrageous request, Your Majesty. I wouldn't have taken the risk to come here and ask this if my feelings for Royal Physician Ahn were not genuine. I implore you, my King, I am serious about my intentions to court her."
The elderly ruler sighed, leaning back on his throne and rubbing his forehead. "Officer Song, if you think you are the first to come to me with such a request, I assure you, you are not. I'm aware I am considered one of the most benevolent rulers of Joseon, but my kindness is not to be taken advantage of."
Mingi's eyes widened, and he quickly shook his head. "No, Your Majesty! I would never—"
The King raised a hand to stop him. "Let me finish, Officer Song. I know you believe you are in love, but many others have thought the same. I have granted opportunities to pursue what they call love, only for them to turn out to be mistakes. You are young, and you will meet more women who are available and more well-suited for you. Don't let your temporary feelings misguide your actions. Trust me, you will move on and forget about her before you know it."
However, the elderly ruler was unsurprised to see his words only igniting greater determination in the young man's eyes. Mingi parted his lips, prepared to protest and prove His Majesty wrong, but the elderly man waved him off. "Stubborn as always. Fine, if you are so determined to pursue this, I will allow you the opportunity to realise I am correct. Love is a two-way street and cannot flourish with only one side invested. Go ahead and do your best then. Let's see if Royal Physician Ahn will even reciprocate your feelings. She is one of my most dedicated staff members; we'll see if you can sway her resolve."
Although the King's words were intended to discourage him, Mingi was relieved it wasn't a flat-out rejection. This meant he still had hope, a chance to win your heart and make you his. Bowing deeply, he exclaimed, "Your grace is immeasurable, Your Majesty! I wish you ten thousand years of life and reign!"
In the days that followed his conversation with His Majesty, the military strategist became consumed with thoughts of getting closer to you without appearing too forward. Even during his daily training, his mind wandered, preoccupied with strategies for approaching you subtly. So, when a blunt practice sword collided with his arm, he let out a yelp of pain, jolting back to reality. Though the sword was dull, it still left a small wound and a bruise that was sure to darken over time from the impact.
Junghoon cursed and dropped his weapon, rushing to his mentor's side. "Why didn't you dodge?! You're such an idiot sometimes!"
Mingi winced, cradling his arm. "I was just... thinking of ways to approach her subtly."
Junghoon raised a sceptical eyebrow, shaking his head lightly. "Well, here's the perfect opportunity. You're injured, so go to the medical hall to be treated by her."
"Oh, that's an amazing idea!"
"Yeah, it's not exactly rocket science—"
"You're brilliant, Junghoon-ah! Thanks, dinner's on me!" Mingi exclaimed excitedly, dashing off towards the royal medical hall.
The younger man shrugged, watching his mentor run off with an amused grin. "Huh, I guess I am a genius."
Mingi struggled to calm his racing heart, his mind reeling with all sorts of scenarios that could unfold. He thought about what to say to start a conversation, to get to know you better, to make you remember him—
"Whoa there, watch your step!"
His breath hitched as you appeared right before him, your arms reaching out to steady him by the shoulders. He couldn’t utter a word from the shock and embarrassment. Meanwhile, you were focused on the area of his arm he was clutching, noticing the cloth slowly turning red from the blood seeping through. Your eyes widened.
"Oh my gosh, you're bleeding! Come inside, quickly!" you exclaimed.
The military strategist sighed in relief, realising you were too preoccupied with his injury to notice how foolish he felt. He couldn't take his eyes off you, his mouth hanging open like a fish out of water, suddenly forgetting how to speak.
Pull yourself together, you idiot!
All his plans for starting a conversation flew out the window as he fought to maintain his composure throughout his visit. Though he had shared conversations with you while escorting you back to the palace from the war zone, he hadn't been this close to you in a long time. The last time was during your first meeting, and he had been too numb from blood loss to properly register your touch. Now, he was acutely aware of your proximity as he sat on one of the many beds in the hall, with you settled by his side, checking the tray before you and ensuring you had everything you needed.
"Now, it would be great if you could just lift your arm a little," you murmured.
He nodded and complied, too afraid that his voice would tremble like a nervous schoolboy if he spoke. Carefully, you rolled his sleeve up to his shoulder and assessed the small wound already surrounded by a darkening bruise, your touch gentle.
"Don't worry, Officer Song. I'll make sure this doesn't leave a scar," you said reassuringly.
He smiled shyly, nodding appreciatively. If only you knew what your presence was doing to him and his poor little heart. The warmth of your hands on his skin and the soothing tone of your voice made his pulse quicken. He struggled to think of something to say, something that wouldn't reveal just how flustered he felt.
As you cleaned the wound and applied a salve, his thoughts raced. He wanted to find the right words, something that would spark a meaningful conversation. But the words seemed to stick in his throat whenever he opened his mouth. He watched you work, mesmerised by your concentration and the care you put into treating him.
"Thank you, Royal Physician Ahn," he finally managed to say, his voice steady but soft. "For everything."
You looked up and smiled warmly. "It's my duty, Officer Song. But you're welcome."
That smile, he thought, was worth all the awkwardness and nervousness he felt. It gave him hope and determination. He wasn't going to give up. Not now, not ever.
Determined to make up for his failed attempt to talk to you, Mingi returned to the medical hall nearly every day for the next week, each time presenting a minor cut or bruise. He knew he wasn't being very subtle, but it didn't matter. He needed you to understand his heart before seeing if you could feel the same, if he stood any chance at all. However, he slowly realised he was getting nowhere if he couldn't openly express his interest and sincerity in courting you.
Sensing his struggles, Royal Secretary Choi could no longer sit by and watch his friend flounder. Truthfully, San had learned about the military strategist's pursuit of one of the palace's most recognised female physicians from His Majesty himself, who had expressed his wish for Mingi to give up. But the royal secretary, being a man in love himself, understood the taller man's feelings better than anyone.
"You know, you can't keep going back to the medical hall, pretending to be sick or injured forever," San said, approaching and sitting down beside Mingi in one of the pavilions in the cherry blossom garden.
Officer Song's head shot up to see his friend before pressing his face into his palms. "How else can I approach her, San? There's only so much I can do. She's a palace woman, and I can't possibly make my intentions clear without His Majesty's permission."
San sighed and placed a hand on Mingi's shoulder. "Actually… you might have his permission, but you didn't hear it from me." The taller man's eyes widened, prompting his friend to elaborate.
The royal secretary continued, "His Majesty has a soft heart, as you know. While he discouraged you, deep down, he just doesn't want you to get hurt. He secretly hopes it all goes your way but wouldn't admit it. Listen, there's a banquet happening soon to celebrate our unity with Ruhon. Perhaps you could ask her to attend with you."
Mingi straightened up, eyes shining with hope. "I can do that...?"
San nodded slowly. "Technically, important figures like you and Royal Physician Ahn are encouraged to attend and show support. There's nothing wrong with a little networking, right? Besides, His Majesty is already aware of your intentions. If she agrees to go with you, this would be a huge step in your pursuit. Wouldn't you agree?"
Hell yeah, I do.
"You wanna bet he's gonna show up again soon?" Subin teased, smirking as you rolled your eyes and playfully smacked her on the arm. "Don't jinx it, just shut up and go on your lunch break already."
It had been a particularly hectic day with the arrival of envoys from Ruhon for the upcoming celebration. The influx of visitors sought remedies for their seasickness after enduring the boat journey, keeping all the royal physicians busy stocking up on medicine and treating the sudden rush of patients suffering from nausea. The last thing you needed was for Song Mingi to appear with another one of his tiny scratches, requesting attention.
You were silently hoping he wouldn't show up today, relishing in a moment of tranquillity as the lunch hour approached and most of the patients had been taken care of. The first batch of physicians, including Subin, would go to lunch while you and the second batch would stay back until they returned.
But alas, the peace was short-lived.
"Ooh, guess who's here again," your colleague remarked, nodding toward the entrance of the royal medical hall where a certain tall, handsome military strategist strode in for what felt like the thousandth time this week. You sighed, refusing to look up from your book. "Please tell me it's not him."
She gulped, watching him approach. "Hate to break it to you, but it is your not-so-secret admirer, General Officer Song."
"Good afternoon, ladies. I, uh… I'm here today because—" his familiar deep voice rang out as he paused at a respectful distance.
Clearing your throat, you finally closed your book and turned to face him with a courteous smile, finishing his sentence for him, "Good afternoon to you too, Officer Song. Let me guess, you're here because you got hurt during training again?"
Instead of the usual sheepish nod, he shook his head and nervously fiddled with his fingers. "No, actually… I came to ask if… i-if you would like to accompany me to the royal banquet celebrating Joseon's unity with Ruhon tonight, Royal Physician Ahn?"
You froze at his question, and your colleague mirrored your reaction. The two of you exchanged bewildered glances, trying to process the fact that this fool was openly pursuing you, a woman working in the palace, someone who belonged to the King.
Does he realise what he's doing?
« Preview of Part 2 »
"Is that her? Your 'one'?" the general teased, nudging Mingi on the shoulder as they observed the royal physician conversing with Lady Park, who was now about five months into her pregnancy.
The military strategist blushed furiously, nodding. "Yes, that's her."
"Has His Majesty granted you permission to court her?" Seonghwa asked, and the younger man winced, shaking his head. "No, he hasn't. In fact, he told me to give up on my pursuit, convinced me it was merely infatuation and that it would eventually pass."
General Park frowned. "That can't be right. You've been searching for her for years. How is it that you've found your soulmate years before me yet still haven't won her over, while I'm already expecting a child with mine, Mingi-yah? Do you want me to speak with the King? I'm sure he'll understand."
Officer Song's response caught Seonghwa off guard as he shook his head. "It's okay, hyung-nim. I appreciate your offer to speak to His Majesty, but I want to handle this on my own. I don't want her to feel pressured to accept me. I want her to see my sincerity and decide for herself if she shares the same feelings. Then, I can show the King that this is worth pursuing, that she's worth it."
"Are you sure, my friend?"
"I've never been more sure of anything."
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You're probably shocked I'm posting on a Monday HAHA but it's another public holiday in Malaysia, yippee!
ASDFGHJKL 1.9k+ followers?! I'm not dreaming now, am I?😭 I love y'all so much, istg! Sorry, this first part took so long but I've been real busy the past week. I know a lot of y'all have been waiting for this, I sincerely hope this was decent!
As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3
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depravitycentral · 1 day
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I don’t know if this appeals to anyone but me, but I’ve been watching a lot of period pieces about Regency Era England (specifically the 1995 Pride and Prejudice and Bridgerton) and I can’t stop thinking about the way women were actually treated like property, their only purpose to wed and produce children. Imagine the yandere possibilities, and the absolute lack of control you’d have over your fate.
Specifically, I can’t stop thinking about the lack of care and the disregard for social customs and norms yanderes could exhibit in that era. The rules are so very strict, and so very numerous – really, can he be blamed for not adhering to each and every one? Sure, he doesn’t treat any other woman this way, but is it such a crazy notion that he breaks a rule here or there? Surely not – not when it’s so very obvious that the proposal is coming, that he’s absolutely hell bent on keeping you pristine and pretty and pregnant in his own abode, not the pathetic pile of wood and roofing you call your home.
Maybe he’s always been one for attending the local and regional balls – for appearances, yes, but also because there’s nothing more that he loves than being in a room with all sorts of beautiful women and alcohol. Maybe he likes to play the politics game, stringing along every girl he can find so that he gets his pick of wives, so that he can bed any woman he so pleases without as much as a goodbye. Except that once his feelings for you form, his composure crumbles a bit.
He’s standing much, much too close to you throughout the entirety of your dance with him. His hips are tightly pressed against your ass as he follows the 1, 2, 3 of the waltz, the shuddering breath you hear at your ear making your skin crawl.
Maybe he’s insisted on keeping his hand much too low as he guides you through the dance, almost able to feel the hem of your underclothes under the layers of your dress, his fingers eager as he presses them tighter and tighter against you.
He’ll speak to you during the dance, his voice low and whispered and his mouth much too close to your ear, the audible wet sound of him licking his lips seeming louder than the quartet in the corner of the dancefloor.
He’s even asking you to remove your gloves, won’t you? I wouldn’t want to ruin the delicate silk – what would your dear mother think of me? And once they’re off (because really, his tone left very little room for rebuttal), his bare skin is pressing against yours, his palms clammy and sweating and absolutely engulfing yours with the way he keeps grabbing at more more more, wanting to feel every inch of you possible.
And then of course there’s those who aren’t as bold with physicality – no, the mere thought of being any closer to you than society permits is enough to get them hot under the collar, so nervous and flustered that they’re sure they’ll trip over themselves, that they’ll make an absolute fool in front of you. Instead, they resort to more classy measures – that is, it’s a bit jarring when they quickly approach you the moment you’ve entered the ballroom, swallowing harshly and asking in a voice that’s just a hair too high-pitched if they could perhaps have the honor of claiming your first dance this evening?
You can’t exactly say no – and even as you watch him eagerly scribble his name down on the first dance slot, then the second, then the third and fifth and tenth, what can you really say? He’s wealthier than your family, and your mother watches from the corner with a glint in her eye because oh, isn’t this just such an advantageous match?
Even the grouches who only attended the ball in which they met you upon a friend’s request act out in unexpected ways. They seem distracted, clutching onto their lemonade glass with a grip tight enough to turn their knuckles white, their shoulders visibly tense as their eyes scan the room over and over. They’re looking for you, of course. Mentally guessing at what colors you’d be donning this evening, how your hair is styled, what sorts of jewels and precious jewelry sits so prettily in the hollow of your throat or dangles against the sensitive skin of the juncture of your neck and jaw.
And once they've found you, they may not have the courage to speak with you or dance with you. But suddenly you've gained a permanent shadow for the evening. Where you go, he goes. He’s following you a good five feet behind, snaking around fellow attendees and keeping his eyes locked on your figure, biting his lip as he mentally notes who’s eye you’re catching, who’s speaking with you, who’s approaching you with a request to dance.
He’s standing directly behind you as you dance with some low-level baron, some insignificant man who can’t hold a candle to the riches, comfort and adoration that he can give you. And he's just staring, too – eyes like daggers as he watches the interaction, letting the anger simmer and fester until he finally, finally approaches you, his voice gruff and choppy as he compliments your dress (something like this dress is much more handsome than the last one you wore) and practically demands your next dance. Yes, it’s awkward, and yes, he leads far, far too much.
But really, the truly terrible thing to think about is what happens after the ball – when they call upon you in the sanctity of your own home, all sorts of love declarations falling from their lips that are much too hyper specific and draw upon knowledge you know you’ve never shared with him. But you must be kind; he’s of higher rank, after all, in a position where a few bad words could ruin your family forever.
It’s just that when he drops to one knee and proposes, it’s difficult to remember your delicate position because he’s managed to find the ring of your dreams, and he’s going on about how he’s had your bedchamber already decorated to fit all your tastes, how he has a wardrobe full of new dresses he’s had custom-fit to you, how he’s already decided that you’re to have a son first, but then all daughters and you’ll name them James, Eleanor, Kathryn, Marta…
And as he embraces you, the hug either much too tight or much too stiff, it’ll feel like a cage locking into place around you. Because really, what can you do? If you try to fight him, he has the wealth and connections to force your family into consenting. And even if your parents refuse to hand you off to a man you clearly despise and fear, it’s not so difficult to spread the rumors about your purity, to claim that he’d witnessed a servant passionately embracing you, that he’d seen you naked in the arms of some butcher’s boy…
It’s your word against his, and oh, isn’t he so kind for still having you after your reputation’s been destroyed? Isn’t he so dreamy and chivalrous for saving you from a life of destitution and outcast? Even if he’s the one to blame for that life in the first place?
And he’ll be so good to you, he promises. He’ll explain each and every aspect of the wedding night, of the consummation of a marriage, showing you exactly how deeply he’s been desiring you, how long he’s been craving you, how many times he’s fucked his fist and been thinking of you you you in those tempting dresses you wear, of those hips that you sway and move like a fucking minx at every dance you attend…
He’ll leave you wanting for nothing – aside from perhaps your freedom, and perhaps your sanity. But he’s sure you’ll learn to love him.
You must, after all.
Specifically the image of a few characters in the traditional regency dress is making me feral - imagine Aizawa, who's known as the reclusive Duke of the area, his public appearances next to none and his temperament difficult to handle. But alas, what's this? A few snarky comments from you - also standing against the ballroom's wall - about the ridiculousness of women's fashion and the discomfort of dancing in heels has him chuckling a bit, your obvious lack of knowledge of his position making him feel oddly seen. And when you find yourself falling into his company at the next ball he's forced to attend, Aizawa decides there's something particularly agreeable about your smile - finding himself wanting to know if your lips taste as good as they look. And when he loses his composure and blurts these words out, don't expect him to cut off contact with you - instead, he'll immediately speak with your father, requesting your hand in marriage and hoping that in time you might learn to forgive his dismissal of your opinion. Perhaps a child would help distract you, yes?
Imagine Rengoku, who's introduced to you by the ball's hostess, Shinobu. Imagine Rengoku, who immediately dances with you and keeps returning to fill up your dance card, that smile blinding as he spends the evening on the dancefloor by your side. Imagine Rengoku, who calls upon you everyday after first meeting you, his visits growing in frequency - sometimes multiple a day - and duration as the weeks drag on. Imagine the way he'll end each visit by grasping your hand in his and giving it a much-too-long kiss, assuring you that it's only taking this long for him to propose to and wed you because he's having an entirely new manor built - one he thinks you'll like a bit more. Nevermind that you don't wish him to continue his visits or leave you alone - do you like floral or patterned wallpapers more?
Imagine Akaashi, who's every woman's dream for both his looks and status. Imagine the way he holds you so delicately as he twirls you, those steel eyes of his practically cutting into you, his mid-dance questions starting off simple and innocent and slowly morphing into something that feels like an interrogation, something that feels too intimate and demanding and strange. Imagine the way he grasps onto your wrist - still gently but firm enough to eliminate your escape - as he guides you towards the refreshments table, insisting that you absolutely must drink something because he's noticed you haven't drunk anything since you arrived nearly an hour ago. But don't mention the fact that you didn't meet until roughly twenty minutes ago - long after you'd walked through the front doors.
Imagine Chrollo, who manages to charm his way into getting you alone with him on the balcony, those dark eyes smoldering as he compliments you. There's something stiff and rehearsed about it, and as you snort and ask him how many women he seduces in a night's work, something clicks in his brain. Imagine the way he doesn't leave your side for an instant after that, glued to your hip and seamlessly managing to evade each and every potential suitor from approaching you. Imagine the way he begins inviting you for long stays at his rather luxurious home, conveniently placing your bedchambers beside his own, spending night after night with his ear pressed against your shared wall and biting his lip as he fists his cock to the sound of you humming to yourself and washing your face with the pale of lukewarm water he'd used first then had the servants bring to you.
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6gumi · 3 hours
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jealous little angel.
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synopsis ﹒” oh mr. sunday 、you really need to work on your jealousy ! it was just a prank ! ”
pairings﹒sunday x f!reader
cw﹒ nsfw MDNI. jealous s3x 、rough ! sunday :< 、some possessive themes / tendencies 、usage of petnames ( angel-face、dove、etc ! ) 、wall s3x 、semi-public s3x 、slight breeding kink if yew squint ! ^-^ 、he rips your stockings . . hehe 、we luv possessive sunday !
note﹒hai hai ! ! decided to write for sunday . . . ooh he’s so dreamie . . . he’s such a red flag but i luv him . . . x.x hehe here’s a special taggie for a special someone ! @cubffections | reblogs are highly appreciated. if you would like to talk to me, send in rqs or thirsts, feel free to send me an ask ! — rubi ♡
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this party was going to drive him to the edge. sunday can't contain his excitement as he examined his surroundings . . . the anticipation of seeing his beloved made his heart race. he knows you’re waiting for him, dressed in something that's bound to drive him wild. It's maddening, the way you tease him, playing with his emotions. he steps forward, closing the huge door softly behind him. the scent of you permeates the air, and he can't help but inhale deeply, relishing the familiar comfort it brings. sunday knew you were off talking to a few ipc members here and there, so he took his sweet time trying to find you, savouring every step.
rounding the corner, he spots you in profile, your body bathed in the soft glow of the hallway light. the sight of you in that red lace nightgown, the way your breasts sway with each step, is enough to make his cock ache. it’s an irresistible sight, and sunday moves toward you with predatory intent. but wait . . . why were you speaking with someone else? sunday’s smile faded . . . lost in the immediate shuffle of emotions as he examined the man that was way too close to you for comfort, that dopey smile on that man’s face wasn’t fooling anyone . . and he was aware of that. his vibrant gaze slowly faded away, clouding the atmosphere with nothing but tension. he clenched his fists as hard as he could, enough for his nails to draw blood to his delicate skin.
sunday really couldn’t stand it.
he couldn’t stand seeing you with someone else. even so, he knew very well you were doing this on purpose just to tease him . . . seeing you having such a great time with someone else triggered a primal protective instinct within him. the way you touched that man’s shoulder . . . those pretty doe eyes of yours staring into someone else’s eyes other than his . . . the way your breasts squeezed together when you crossed your arms, fuck. he couldn't ignore the need to discipline you when you behaved like this, and he knew he had to put you in your place.
with a smooth, fluid motion, he scooped you up into his arms, carrying you away from the party, away from your new little friend you made and any distractions. “huh . . . ? sunday?—“
“not another word from you, my love.” sunday tried to act firm . . yet he couldn’t stop his heart from skipping more beats than one at the sight of your cleavage in that god-forbidden revealing dress, the memory of how they felt in his hands coming back to him in a rush. sunday swallows thickly, his gaze locked on your exposed cleavage. he can almost smell your arousal now, faint but undeniable. "what were you thinking? were you trying to seduce that fool?“ he was moving closer. He can't resist the temptation, his hand reaching out to cup your cheek . . . his thumb pressing against your lower lip.
"you know I can't resist you, and you know i can’t stand it when you’re all dolled up talking to someone else but me. have you learnt nothing from the punishments i’ve given you? is that it?” a devilish glint sparkles in his eyes, promising an evening full of sin and pleasure. who knew such an angel like him would have eyes this dangerous. sunday leans in, his lips brushing against your ear. "you belong to me . . ." he whispers, taking in the scent of your fragrance, “. . . or have you forgotten that?”
you couldn’t help but shiver against his body, you wanted this as much as he did and he could tell, he knew very well you did. “baby . . . i just wanted to play a little prank on you, ‘s nothing serious . . . promise!” sunday kept his mouth shut as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, tugging you flush against his body. his lips find the nape of your neck, where he plants a series of wet, open-mouthed kisses along the sensitive skin. "it is serious when there’s another man involved," he growls, his voice deep and rough with need. “ . . . and you know i don’t share, darling.”
with a hand, he reaches down and eases your pretty lil’ dress up, exposing your ass. his gloved fingers dig into the soft flesh, tracing the curve before giving it a firm, possessive squeeze. "bad, bad girl.” he murmurs, already envisioning the way you’ll shred under his touch. “what am i gonna do with a bad girl like you . .” sunday examines your facial expression, giving your cheek a gentle slap, inserting his thumb inside your mouth. “should i tie your arms around your back? shove my cock inside this slutty mouth of yours . . . or fill you up with my cum? or maybe . . . i should fuck you in-front of everyone else, let them know that you’re mine and mine alone . . do you want that, my love?”
sunday’s lips curve into a wicked smile, and he nods, his hand still firmly gripping your ass. "i wish i can hide you away from the world, angel-face . . . you need to be taught some more.” he warns, his voice thick with lust. “guess those punishments didn’t work on you . . . how pitiful.”
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sunday kept your body pinned against the wall, the grip on your ass never wavering, the feel of his beloved pressed against him driving him wild. he knew you both had to be careful . . his little wings would flutter at the loud sound of music from below, there were still people around . . and getting caught was not something he would want. once you both were in the clear, he doesn't waste any time. with one swift movement, he lifts you even further up against the wall, your legs parting to reveal the wetness between them. sunday’s sinful eyes devour the sight, and he can't help the predatory smile that spreads across his face. "such a naughty girl, wet for me already,"
"now, what do you say we do something about that wetness of yours?" he asks, his voice low and suggestive, the air thick with the promise of pleasure and sinfulness. “ . . ‘s not fair i’m gettin’ punished for a prank . .” you murmured, legs trembling under his hold. sunday chuckles darkly, giving your ass a hard slap, the sound vibrating against your skin.
“now, now, baby . . no need to act all innocent," he teases, his hand never leaving your hip . . gently pinning you with his body even more. “i like how feisty you can get, angel face . . . but there's a time and a place for everything, right?" he purrs, his eyes dark with lust. “you won’t be acting all innocent once i fuck you dumb on my cock.” your husband traces his fingers down your chest, pausing to tease your nipples through the lace of the dress. his mouth finds yours, his lips soft as he explores your mouth with his tongue, taking his time to savor the taste of your lips he yearned for all day. when he pulls away, he's breathing heavily. the young male tsked, shaking his head as he reached your chin again, “you know how i feel about disobedience, correct?”
"tonight i’m going to show you who you belong to," he murmurs, reaching for the hem of the dress. with a swift yank, he pulls it over your head, revealing your body in all its glory. “the man you will belong to until the end of time.” sunday’s eyes drink in the sight of your black stockings, licking his lips. "you’re not getting away from me anytime soon, my love, i hope you and your pretty little head realize that.” he asks, his voice thick with desire as he starts to tug the stockings down.
“you’re not escaping me, angel-face.” he growls, his hand gripping the delicate fabric of the pair stockings you wore . . . with a swift and violent motion, he tears them down your legs, the sound of the material tearing filling the empty hall. he relents, pulling back just enough to grip your inner thigh, his grip firm but not oppressive. . . admiring the rip he caused with your stockings, giving him easier access to those pretty panties you wore.
sunday’s eyes gleam with a deranged excitement, gripping your hips, positioning himself at the entrance of your pussy . . giving it one painful slap. "you’ll thank me for this someday," he growls before gently sliding himself inside your wet heat, the friction sending shivers down his spine. “you’ll thank me for claiming you, my dove. you will.”
“a-ah . . sunday . . !” the young halovian’s lips curve into a wicked grin as you gasp, the surprise at the sudden invasion of his cock into your pussy more than apparent. he’s not gentle, not this time. sunday needs to claim you, to make sure you knew who owns you in this moment and forever. his thrusts were harsher than usual, tongue lolling out as you were slowly losing your mind already when his cock filled you completely. “you’re mine, angel. you’ll always be mine," he growls, the possessiveness in his tone thick. he pounds into you with desperation to get his message across your head, the rhythm erratic, as if he's trying to claw his way into your soul . . fingers nearly turning white as they dug into the flesh of your hips, pulling them back to meet each thrust of his cock.
his own heat was rising, the scent of sweat snd sex filling the air around you. with how loud you were moaning, he was almost certain someone would catch you both. “let the heat pass through you, and i’ll mark you. i’ll claim you, my love.” he was going to breed you, to leave no doubt that you were his. his thrusts became more erratic, more urgent, as he fights to push aside the thoughts that threaten to consume him. the single thought of his seed filling you only intensifies his need to dominate, to control . . to keep you all to himself.
"nobody will take you away from me. nobody.” sunday grinds his hips against you, his cock sliding against your tight entrance. sunday already came inside you multiple times the previous times you both had intercourse, but it's not enough. he wants your body to be filled with his seed. his fingers dug into your hips, holding you in place as he thrusts forward, filling your cunny with his throbbing dick. sunday’s eyes roll back as he relishes in the feeling of your tight pussy wrapped around him once more . . only raising his urge fill you up even more. “s—so tight, so perfect. i wish i could fill you up every day . . let everyone know you’re mine.” sweat drips down his forehead as he drives into you with a newfound fervor. each thrust is a powerful assertion, “easy now . . you don’t want us to get caught now, do you?" his voice is a low, gravelly growl, laced with desperation.
“sunday . . f-feels weird . . feels like i’m goin’ stupid . .” drool slipped away from your lips, a chuckle left sunday’s lips as he slowed down his thrusts . . giving you a moment to adjust to his size again, taking that moment to kiss and mark your neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin. “you were sent to me by the angels of this world,” he whispers, the possessiveness in his tone unmistakable. “you look so pretty pressed up against the wall like this . . . are you enjoying yourself?”
“fuck . . yes, yes!” sunday’s eyes flare with delight at your whine, your need for him clear, and it makes him even more aggressive in his thrusts. sunday was close, so close. he leaned over your shoulder, his teeth finding their mark on the juncture between their delicate skin of neck and shoulders, biting down hard enough to leave a mark. “mine, mine, mine . . ." he whispered against your ear, burying himself deeper and deeper, caging your hands above your head, holding them there as he filled you completely, ensuring that when you cum, you cum for him and only him. he’s not going to let you go.
with one final, brutal push of his cock, the halovian came inside your aching cunny, flooding your walls with his seed. he held you tightly against his body, shifting gently further into the wall. his release was intense, seed spurting deep inside as some dripped down on the floor. he nestled close against your neck, breathing heavily, refusing to let go of you even after he emptied himself inside. “ . . . so tell me, angel face, did you learn your lesson?”
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© 6GUMI 2024. modifying 、translating 、sharing my works on other platforms 、or considering them as yours is strictly prohibited.
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hotheadedhero · 1 day
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De-Stress Methods
When you're having a bad day, the last thing your turtle boyfriend wants is for you to suffer. Fortunately for you, he has his own special way of helping you out.
2003 Turtles x Reader
Leonardo
Meditation is usually his way of going about things but he knows you struggle to clear your head so easily like him. Instead, he beckons you to a rooftop, being sure to cover your eyes as he leads you up an apartment. It's a risky move on his part, both for potentially being seen and you blindly upscaling a ladder but he knows it'll be worth it. Once you're up, he waits just a moment longer.
Slightly disgruntled by the secrecy, you sigh, "Leo, if this is some kind of training exercise, I'm not sure I'm in the mood."
He just smiles as he gently coerces your hand away from your face. It takes a moment to blink away the blur but, when you do, you are blessed with a wondrous array of oranges and purples amidst the wide sky that hangs above you. The sight is breathtaking and the troubles of your day wash off you almost immediately. Leo sits you down with him atop the roof and together you gaze in content silence. Knowing him, this is probably some corny interpretation of 'tomorrow is a new day' but you feel better nonetheless.
Raphael
This man holds nothing back when he's in a bad mood. Give him a punching bag and he'll go to town on it. You, however, couldn't hurt a fly. He loves that about you but even the softest souls need an outlet. Luckily, Raph is in touch with his softer side, especially when it comes to you. That's why he attempts to show you how to knit - get you focused on a task that requires just enough attention to distract you.
"I don't think I've done it right," you admit bashfully as you showcase your poor knitting skills.
Your sullen glance to the floor almost has him giving up on this idea but he doesn't want you to be discouraged. Instead, he gently pinches your chin, points your head up towards him, and kisses your forehead, encouraging you to try again. The great thing about knitting is that you can easily pull the yarn away from your mistake and redo it. It takes some practice but the beaming grin of accomplishment on your face fills him with such pride.
Donatello
When it comes to methods of relaxation, there's nothing quite like tinkering on a new project to get Donnie to unwind. However, that isn't exactly your idea of a soothing pastime. Even just watching how he operates on machinery gets your head into a spin, akin to second-hand stress were he to feel any such stain himself. He places his tools down on the work bench and gets comfortable on the couch with a book, ushering you to join him. You lay your head in his lap and he begins to read, stroking a free hand over your head. After a few paragraphs, he feels you shift and stops reading to look down at you when he catches your stare.
"Please, don't stop," you object with a smile. "I like your voice."
With a tender expression of his own, he continues to read aloud about the geometry of spacetime. He knows it doesn't matter what he reads to you because that isn't the point. The way he sees it, the more obscure the book, the more likely you are to fall asleep and take the well-deserved nap he knows you need.
Michelangelo
Mikey may be a high-energy, goofball who, at face value, doesn't take much seriously but that doesn't mean he's an idiot. Where he seemingly lacks logical smarts, he makes up for in emotional intelligence. As soon as you walk into the lair, he can tell something's wrong. You don't want to talk about it and exerting yourself with any kind of activity sounds like too much energy. That means skateboarding and video games are out of the question then. Not a problem! There's plenty you can do that requires little to no effort. He quickly makes a batch of popcorn and sits you between his legs in front of the TV. As the back of your head rests on his chest, he feeds you so you don't have to worry about lifting a finger.
Through a mouthful, you laugh, "It's okay, Mikey. I can feed myself."
He gently shushes you and pushes another piece of popcorn into your lips. That's all he needed to hear. The moment he gets a laugh out of you is the moment he knows you're feeling better.
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pazziville · 6 hours
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Can I Be Him — A Pazzi Fic
Wherein Paige Bueckers, UConn’s prolific point guard, has been in love with Azzi Fudd, her longtime best friend and current teammate for the longest time. The persistence in scouting the girl to the huskies was not for nothing. But of course, Paige kept this fact to herself. Yet, even after all these years, behind the basketball star’s confident and cocky-like attitude, lies insecurities for seemingly not being enough for Azzi.  Azzi constantly reminding Paige of the reality that she may never have feelings for the girl the same way the girl has for her when she repeatedly talks to Paige about her boy problems, deflates the latter’s self-esteem, while Azzi remains unaware. With the next season around the corner and Paige’s newfound courage to move on from Azzi, what would become of their relationship?
CHAPTER 2.
word count: 1548
Chapter 1
“You have got to stop pacing around, Az. If it’s not making you dizzy, it definitely is making me.” Ice annoyingly tells off Azzi and goes back to munching on her popcorn while watching a TV show from the bed.
Azzi flops herself back first on the bed, covers her face with both hands and screams.
Ice flinches causing some of her popcorn to fall to the bed, “Girl what is wrong with you?!”
The girl gets back up and goes back to pacing, earning a ‘what the fuck’ look from her roommate who is considering calling 911 at the sight she’s currently witnessing.
“I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messe–” Azzi chanted while pacing before being held and stopped by Ice who was forced to now stand alongside her if she wanted her much wanted peace and quiet.
“What did you do?” Ice sternly asks her as if she was an interrogator trying to get the truth out from a criminal, which in this case was Azzi.
“I swear I didn’t mean to do it–” Azzi found herself avoiding the topic altogether.
Ice grew impatient, tightening her grip on Azzi’s arms, “Spill or none of us are gonna shit done here.”
It was Azzi’s turn to hold on to Ice’s arms as if it was a call for help, “I called Paige stupid and reckless.”
The two stayed in the same position for quite some time while keeping their eye contact intact.
A laugh from Ice breaks the silence between them and Azzi whines, “Ice, this is not funny!”
“It might not be for you but it for sure is for me.” Ice’s laughter grows louder as she further thinks about the situation.
Ice’s laughter fades slowly as she lets out a question, “Were the insults justified at least? To be fair knowing Paige, she can definitely be stupid and reckless sometimes.”
Azzi stomps her feet in regret as she recalls what she did, “That’s the thing, Ice. I think I definitely went too far with what I said.”
“Alright alright, let’s sit down first and get the whole picture. For sure you had your reasons. Now, tell me. What happened that led up to you saying those words to Paige?” Ice sits down and taps on the bed, signaling Azzi to sit down with her.
Ice knew Azzi had the tendency to be extremely sensitive to the people around her, making her confused as to why the girl could have uttered such insensitive words to someone, let alone to her best friend Paige. 
Heck, at times when opponents would say even the slightest dirt to the girl, Azzi would take it personal, as if she was the one talked trash to, immediately doing her best to distract Paige. Usually it didn’t take much for Azzi to get Paige to smile. Paige needed as little as Azzi looking at her with concern to make her smile from ear to ear.
Something didn’t add up. Seeing how stressed Azzi currently is, Ice knew there was more than meets the eye and she was determined to get whatever this is out of Azzi’s system.
Azzi was hesitant and Ice realized this, caressing the girl’s shoulder as a means of assurance that whatever is said in the room stays in the room, getting her trust and getting her to finally talk, “I don’t know what got to me. I saw Nika and Paige playing King of The Court. Even by then I was already pissed at Paige and I don’t even know why myself. My anger elevated the moment Nika got hurt. Then I saw Paige taking care of Nika. Then the words just slipped out my mouth and I just…” Azzi covered her face with her hands once again but this time in relief that she finally got that out her chest.
“So let me get this straight…” Even though there was nothing straight about what Azzi just told her. Ice thought. “Nika and Paige were just playing King of The Court, you were mad at Paige for no apparent reason. When Nika got hurt and you saw Paige taking care of her you got even more angry and let your emotions talk. Am I right?”
Azzi nodded, now looking at Ice with puppy eyes, desperately looking for advice. 
“Yeah, uhm. Have you maybe thought of the fact that you could be jealous of Paige being with Nika?” Ice suggests, eliciting quite a violent reaction from Azzi.
“What?! That’s insane! Why would I be?!” Ms. Curly Hair becomes defensive.
“Hey hey, calm down. When I say you’re jealous, I don’t mean romantically. Maybe you could be jealous your best friend is caring for someone other than you. You know, the platonic kind of jealousy.” Ice explains herself, earning an “oh” from Azzi.
“Unless…” Ice teased. It obviously worked on Azzi as she playfully hits Ice’s arm.
Azzi stands up with an enlightened face, realizing Ice is probably right. She rushes out the room, eager to fix things between her and Paige, “Thank you, Ice! I owe you one big time! Love you!”
Ice shakes her head and sighs, “At this rate they’re gonna hurt each other immensely before realizing.”
Azzi had no idea where Paige currently was. The girl had gone radio silent. Not a single annoying text and random call popped up from the blonde on Azzi’s phone. But despite this, she thinks she knows her best friend enough to trust her instincts. Paige, when not preoccupied in bothering Azzi, always turned to basketball. She’s also had enough fights with Paige to know she beats herself up with practice right after their fights.
Azzi’s guess was proven right while she was walking down the UCONN gym hallways. The sound she heard coming from a single person’s shoes was enough to confirm it. She knew Paige doesn’t like practicing with other people when she was getting her personal practices in. Of course team practices were a different story. Maybe that’s why the sight of Nika practicing with Paige a while ago bothered Azzi? She brushes this thought away and proceeds to enter the indoor court.
A sweaty and out of breath Paige is what Azzi met the second she entered. But despite Paige looking like she just finished a triathlon, the UConn point guard still showed no signs of stopping. The girl was doing everything. Shooting from everywhere on the court, grabbing her own rebounds, then running up and down the court whenever she failed to make a shot.
Paige was so locked in she didn’t even notice Azzi’s presence on the court and Azzi couldn’t help but feel even more guilty as she recalled a memory of her and high school Paige.
“Why are you so worked up in these personal practices of yours for the past few weeks?” High school Azzi innocently asks the hard-working senior from Hopkins.
Paige looked at her with a vulnerable expression, something only reserved for Azzi, “If I can’t get you to commit to UConn, that must mean I’m not good enough as a player for you to trust me.”
Azzi connects the dots, “So you’re working extra hard so you’ll earn my trust and hopefully play for UConn?”
“I care about what you think.” Paige sincerely says in a soft tone, making Azzi’s heart beat slightly faster, “So if me being good enough is what it takes to earn your trust, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”
So if me being good enough is what it takes to earn your trust, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Paige’s words repeat in Azzi’s mind like a tape loop, affecting her after seeing Paige go back to doubting her capabilities because of her.
Azzi slowly makes her way near Paige who was currently attempting a three from the top of the key. Paige’s shot attempt clanked at the rim and went straight to Azzi’s direction, forcing her to catch the ball.
As Paige turned around to try and retrieve the ball, she was met with the shorter, curly haired girl, and brown eyed girl she was so desperately trying to run away from, mentally and physically.
“You’re doing it again.” Azzi worriedly says, receiving a weak chuckle from Paige.
“In a heartbeat.” Paige gets closer and Azzi swears she stopped breathing the moment the first step was made.
“I’m sorry.” Azzi apologizes, waiting for Paige’s reaction or response, but once she said those two words, Paige stopped getting closer.
“If that’s all, you can go now. I’ve already forgiven you since you said those words.” Paige says, slowly grabbing the ball from Azzi’s hands.
Azzi feels a pang in her chest when Paige seemingly wants to scoot her away, “You know you can just say you want me to stay away from you, Paige.”
“But I don’t, Azzi.” Paige says, “I don’t want you to leave me here but I’m assuming you’re the one who doesn’t want to see me and is just forcing yourself to apologize to me and I just don’t know what to do–” She addedly rambled but then gets cut off by Azzi suddenly hugging her.
“I fucked up, P.” Azzi tightens her embrace around the older girl, “Let me make it up to you.”
a/n: here's chapter two for everyone! hopefully the pacing and understandability's still alright by this point. suggestions and feedbacks are highly appreciated. please do know that english is not my first language and the chapters are mostly not proofread, so any part of the story that may need revisions, kindly tell me. thank you! hoping everyone's having a great day so far! much love. <3
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apocalypse-shuffle · 8 hours
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BATMAN | BRUCE WAYNE (THE BATMAN 2022)
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“Live a Little” (Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader)
| Car sex on the hood of the batmobile w/ a very determined Bruce.
| NSFW, so this bad boy is 18+, minors dni, semi-public sex (?), this ain’t nothing but pure fucking smut, slightly sub!Bruce, bottoming from the top, switching (in the kink sense) -soft!Bruce
| Rev those mfkn engines, Bitch! (Pic Source: The Batman 2022)
| 1k+ words
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You hadn’t known what, but something had set Bruce off tonight.
The whole night he’d been bouncing all over the place. Even when escorting civilians from an active shootout as you distracted the perpetrators he’d been studiously focused and swift. There hadn’t been a singular fatal wound acquired at all.
Bruce had been at the top of his game the whole time.
All of which led you to where you are right now. Head down and ass up as he took you against the hood of the Batmobile.
Bruce had barely let you get two feet away from the vehicle before he was kissing you senseless, and you’d gone along with it because you’d been feeding off of his energy all patrol just the same.
No one could possibly expect you to watch the man take down almost a whole drug ring by himself, he was going at them so hard, and not get a little turned on. It had been a very successful night, you think Bruce deserved to take the edge off.
Didn’t hurt that it benefited you also.
“Fuck, Bruce,” your words whoosh out of you in a rush, “harder.”
In response Bruce pushes his gloved hand in between your shoulder blades to get you to arch your back, pushing himself even deeper inside of you with a grunt.
Your head thunks softly against the hood as his pounding gets harsher, your covered breasts rubbing harshly into still warm metal, and in the back of your mind you’re glad for your costume still being on.
Your name falls past bruised lips in a desperate growl and, impossibly, Bruce’s thrusts grow wilder.
It’s maddening. You can barely remember to keep breathing.
Hands clambering over the hood for purchase the Batmobile by design doesn’t grant, you gasp at the way he keeps forcing you forward.
“What - fuck - what if Alfred comes down?”
Bruce leans over you until his hips meet flush against your ass. His breath puffs on the side of your head.
“It's fine,” he presses a sloppy kiss to your cheek, “I asked him to give us a minute.”
You cry out as he straightens back up and the tip of his cock presses down on your g-spot. A whine comes tumbling past your lips when, on top of that, instead of pulling back Bruce stays still.
Legs trembling where they’re trapped against the front of the enhanced car, the bottom half of your suit tangled around your boot glad ankles, you close your eyes against his onslaught.
Bruce just barely pulls away before slamming the short distance back into you and your mouth falls open, saliva leaving a short wet streak in your wake every time you’re jolted.
Your toes curl.
“You feel so good,” he whines, trembling against you.
Eyes still squeezed shut, colors play along your lids as your body clenches, walls tightening on his cock in a mostly purposeful reward.
“I’m glad, Sweet Boy. It’s just for you,” you say breathlessly.
Bruce moans at your slurred words and the hand he had braced beside your head goes to wrap around your waist and lift your lower body up, granting him even more leverage to grind into you.
“You’re gonna make me cum,” you breathe out, using one of your own arms to push your upper body higher to gain enough footing to push back against his minuscule thrusts and snake an arm down to get at your clit.
“C’mon then,” Bruce grounds out.
The shallow thrusts stop as he guides your hips so that you’re both grinding flush against one another. His cock incessantly pressing into your delicate bundle of nerves as you do your best to clamp your walls around his length against the way he’s making your body go haywire.
You huff out a breath while your head hangs and your forehead rests on the hood.
“God Bruce,” you gasp, fingers circling fast over your slick nub.
A few scant tears squeeze from your eyes, your arms starting to shake, then Bruce is knocking your right arm down and forcing your left arm up beside its twin as he bends over you.
With a grunt two gloves drop down beside your head and then you’re letting out a sob as his left hand moves to rub over your clit himself and his other arm moves to wrap around your shoulders from the front as you jerk against one another.
“Come for me, Sweetheart,” he moans against your ear.
Your throat clicks and you can feel your orgasm coming, body tightening as your breath stutters. Bruce holds you still when you squirm, body convulsing as everything peaks and your mouth drops open in a silent scream.
“That’s it, let me be good,” he grinds hard as he guides you through it. “Let me make you come.”
“Mhm,” you breathe out to the best of your ability, body going limp. Bruce stays stroking the sensitive insides of your walls raw as he works to get himself off next.
His grinding gets more frantic, his hips rub flush against your ass, and his grip tightens. He grinds a few more times, moans almost pained, before he whimpers and goes still and he’s coming inside you.
You shiver at the feel of the heat pooling right up against your cervix in the space left at the top of his condom. That alone makes you groan even as your orgasm bypasses you and you and Bruce are left trembling against one another in the aftermath.
With slow movements Bruce eases your body back down onto the Batmobile but stays inside you for another few moments as you both catch yourselves.
Eventually though, he squeezes pale hands around the brown skin of your hips and carefully begins inching his cock out.
You whimper softly at being left wet and aching to be filled when he finally pulls free and leaves to toss the soiled condom.
Huffing out a laugh, you just take a few moments longer to breathe, a pleasant ache already settling into your body while you get a feel for your legs again.
The sounds of Bruce tucking himself away and buckling the crotch area of the suit back wash over you in an easy wave that you have to fight not to let take you under as your eyelids grow heavier.
When you feel his heat back on you he’s got a wet wipe and lifts you a little to clean around your wrecked vagina with a few firm swipes. You blink your eyes back open with a start, but Bruce only holds you steady.
When he speaks next his voice is almost tiny, it's gone so soft.
“Are you okay?” His thumbs rub circles into each side of your hips. “Was that good?”
You nod your head lightly into the hood, “Yeah, baby,” you sigh, “I’m okay. It was great.”
A silent beat and then Bruce is laying his body back over yours.
“Good,” he mutters into your dark skin, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck before pulling away once more to go deal with something.
You flip over, leaning against the hood to wipe at your tear streaked face and stare at him as he walks back from the garbage bin to loom over you.
You lock eyes and a smile tugs at your lips when his face flushes. His cowl is off, there’s tear tracks streaked through the black smudges around his eyes, and his hair’s a runthrough mess.
“What spurred that on?”
His flush travels down his chest, but still his perpetually gloomy gaze locks with yours - his eyes a little lighter than usual - as he answers.
“Yesterday you said you were proud of the progress I was making.” His lashes flutter, he shrugs. “Felt nice.”
“Awww,” you coo, voice coming out in a breathy pant, before falling back against the now cool metal of his pimped out muscle car to stare up at the high ceilings of the Batcave, “I’m glad you appreciated it so much, Brucie Baby.”
Bruce gives the most dissatisfied grunt he can muster, a low embarrassed thing, and you summon enough air in your lungs to laugh.
NOTES: Hope you enjoyed!!!
I’m so bad at writing full on smut so give me some grace, I tried. Like, you don’t understand, I’ve been trying to post this as something appealingly written for two whole years. For two years this fic has been fully written but just didn’t read right so I’ve been tweaking it over and over and over again this entire time.
btw: if you’d like to leave a comment I’d very much appreciate it! constructive feedback would be especially lovely.
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ayvayenildi · 3 days
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Snupin First Wizarding War Headcanon I Cannot Stop Thinking About
Just imagine Remus Lupin being a spy for the Order of Phoenix during the First Wizarding War and infiltrating the werewolfs that serve Voldemort as just another desperate one except he encounters Severus Snape, who very obviously knows who Remus is and how loyal he is to his friends. Surely, Remus is afraid that Snape will denounce him in a matter of seconds but instead he offers a deal: he will turn a blind eye on Remus' presence if Remus tells him how Lily is doing or, at least, whether she's still alive. This Snape is not yet a spy but he isn't very devoted to Voldemort's cause either plus he still cares about Lily above all else and knowing nothing about her drives him mad.
Remus doesn't like the idea but he doesn't really see a way out so he starts feeding Severus pieces of information. Slowly but steadily they grow closer and begin to cover each other's asses (Remus needs quite a lot of ass covering as he still tries not to hurt anyone and that makes other werewolves and Death Eaters suspicious). What started as a forced alliance becomes a real friendship as they are both in a desperate need of someone close; that's the time where some people in the Order start suspecting that Remus is a double-agent and is actually working for Voldemort — the Marauders seem to canonically think so as well, at least that's why (according to Sirius in the third book) they didn't tell Remus about Peter as the Secret-Keeper.
Imagine Remus and Severus growing so close over time that one morning after getting way too drunk for all the worst reasons they do actually wake up in the same bed. Imagine them both embarrassed as hell (Remus still has this big fat unrequited longing for Sirius and Severus is in a sort of situationship with Lucius), and they try to act as if it didn't happen except they both can't and keep coming back for more. Imagine them just finding some comfort in each other's embrace amidst what they both (wrongly) consider to be the worst time in their lives. That little thing they have quickly grows out of control.So, when Lily dies, and Snape desperately needs to blame someone for what had happened (he already blames himself but that’s simply not enough to calm the pain), the only person he can think of is Remus. It's Remus who distracted him and made him lose control. If it wasn't for Remus, he might have been able to save her.
Well... at least that's how I explain why Remus in the third book stubbornly calls Snape by his first name, thank you for coming to my TedTalk, bye!!
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oreoambitions · 1 year
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anarcho-masochist · 8 months
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Okay, I thought this was universal but maybe my last three therapists were right that it is not:
Is it normal for boredom to be truly unbearable?
As in, worse than anything else, would rather get eviscerated while fully conscious, will do anything to escape it which might actually include suicide if no satisfactory options are available?
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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...
#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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willowfey · 1 year
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what do u do on days u wake up feeling empty and the only things that stir smth up in ur brain and body are memories of times/places that are long gone…. like what am i supposed to do with that��.. i don’t feel like a person today i just wanna wake up in my childhood bedroom and smell the way it smelled in winter but i can’t do that so i just go through my day feeling vaguely nauseously unsettled and untethered…. and that doesn’t feel fair but i don’t know what can be done about it
#i know i sound like a broken record but i miss my trees. i miss feeling like i’m home. i miss feeling safe in my body.#i miss the owls and doves that fill the morning by my grandma’s old house and the smell of the co-op and the river#and the way the mountains look surrounding the valley. protecting me.#i miss the feeling of my hands on the window in winter and reading my favourite books for the first time i miss chris i miss my old bed#i miss myself. i feel like i’ve been lost for years#sometimes i wake up distracted and i fill my brain with anything i can find and i cheat the system and i feel things#for a little while. if i keep moving fast enough i forget that i’m lonely. i forget that i’m lost#but sometimes i stop and it catches up to me and i have to sit on the floor#sometimes i realise how far from home i am in every sense of the word and i feel like a child lost in a supermarket#except this time no one is coming to find me if i just stand still#i wake up and everything i can think of that would make me happy is a mirage#i wake up and the music isn’t enough and i want to start pedalling backwards and i feel like i’m floating very fast downstream#and there’s a waterfall looming somewhere in the distance and i can’t grab a log#im not gonna fall off. nothing is ever bad enough for anyone to worry about me drowning. but i am still very wet and very far from home#so what. do. i. do. ?#when i was a kid we lived in a house that had a very large oak tree out front (this was before the house with the willow tree)#at the base of the oak tree was a small fairy pond. we moved in during winter and it was frozen solid and u couldn’t see anything in it#but come spring it melted and we discovered the fairy pool was chock full of marbles of all colours and sizes. hundreds of them.#it was so thrilling to know they’d been waiting for me all winter to find them in the warmth. where are the marbles now#is anything waiting for me? is anything hiding in the frozen pond?#@the universe: i need a little help now pls. pls send me something small and colourful i wasn’t expecting. hundreds of them. or just one.#i am open to it all#because i can’t go back in time and smell my childhood bedroom in winter. and i will not go over the waterfall. so bring me marbles#~ signed yours truly. ps tell the trees i’m still the same
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deadtime-stories · 1 year
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#'hold your breath and hold on tight‚ hunker down‚ try not to cry'#'tell the critters that you love‚ that you love them‚ that's enough'#'cause there's no stopping what's to come‚ some shit's just etched into the stars‚ calamities you can't outrun'#it's been a difficult six months or so after being presented with some inevitable future losses‚ you kind of just disengage with everything#then try to stay distracted with busywork and things that don't take much focus. It's infuriating when something's happening and you#can't do anything to help or change the outcome or fix it. It's just there and happening and you have to watch and do nothing even knowing#where it's potentially going. And the worst part is‚ it can look like it's getting better and things can look promising‚ and in a span of#days it's all downhill. And I did not expect one of my stupid little distractions to punch me in the face with my reality‚ but here we are.#Our roof is finally fixed though‚ so there's that. It rained for two days and the rain stayed outside instead of coming in. It's been a#good number of years since that was the case. I learned how to make a custard pie last month. The spiral ham I like is on a good sale and#I'm getting one for Christmas. I gave in and spent $150 on UGG men's boots because the ones I had to buy to be in a wedding party five#years ago impressed me but were women's boots. They're super warm. I found a Christmas card that was the leg lamp from A Christmas Story to#send to a friend. Someone gave my housemate Wawa gift cards and now we're fully stocked on free egg nog. A rep at work brought me a little#holiday bag at work with a 'champagne' bottle of french vanilla hot chocolate mix and some nice candy. There's a squirrel who's gotten#spoiled by getting peanuts and now he hangs outside my second-story window on the tree and barks at me to demand more. Rent is going down#in my city of choice and hopefully things go well to move out of this city by the end of next year. Humans are going back to the moon. The#Webb Telescope has been showing us things at the edge of the galaxy I never thought I'd see. Otters and bats and owls and cats exist.#Humans have achieved net positive nuclear fusion...we made a star in a bottle. It's too early to be up right now on a Saturday.
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benevolentslut · 24 days
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my mother will see textbook depression and then decide it just pisses her off
#it's not an excuse to not do things but can i please just get a little grace and understanding#like..... funnily enough. make me feel like shit for struggling and i will struggle more.#and i already hate myself for not being able to do jack shit when there's no fucking reason for it#i just. i don't know why just existing is so hard for me when there's nothing to justify it#am i just fucking lazy in my core or am i broken#there was One (1) thing i was able to muster up enough drive to do and then a few comments completely fucking destroyed it#there are so many things i should be able to do and i just can't force myself to do it bc i can't find the energy#and so i just keep perpetually distracting myself from ever experiencing a Thought but that doesn't fucking help#and i don't know how to stop#everyone around me is doing so fucking well no matter what and i've had a fucking fraction of the hardship and yet i'm a WRECK#and it's so easy for me to think 'well i'll Just Do It! I'll stop crying about it and I'll just do it' but that lasts for about a day#before i burn out completely and i DON'T GET IT#IT'S JUST EXISTING AS A FUCKING HUMAN BEING WHY IS IT SO HARD#WHY CAN I NOT EVEN PUT IN THE EFFORT TO SURVIVE LET ALONE LIVE#WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME THAT EVERYONE ELSE CAN DO ACTUALLY HARD SHIT SO WELL#while i'm here just fucking. scraping by and feeling like i'm fighting for my life when i'm literally not even doing ANYTHING#it just feels so fucking hard but it's NOT i'm not doing ANYTHIJG AT ALL SO WHY DO I FEEL BURNT OUT#HOW CAN I BE BURNT OUT WHEN I NEVER DO ANYTHING#HOW DO I GET THIS FEELING TO STOP#and i don't even have a right to complain because just! there's nothing hard about my life right now!#emotionally speaking there's one major thing i'm dealing with. practically speaking there's nothing#so why can i not even do basic everyday tasks. if even surviving feels like too much how the fuck am i ever supposed to do more#i'm so beyond disgusted with myself for it and i just.#i don't fucking deserve to live.#the one and only thing i'm able to push myself to do is my driving lessons#literally the only thing. other than that i can eat. sometimes. that's it#i'm a fucking disgrace and i'm aware of it and i don't deserve to live or to complain. but how do i change that.#i'm able to push myself to shower occasionally. i can eat at least one meal per day. i do an hour long driving lesson once a week#and if that's too much what the fuck is wrong with me.
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radioactive-cloud · 2 months
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i'm actually absolutely and completely okay as long as i don't let a single thought appear in my brain
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