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clevercatchphrase · 4 months

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2023 Year In Review~

at the time of me writing this, it is 8:11pm on tuesday night, january second. Let's see how long it takes me to type this entire thing. I expect no less than two hours. This is gonna be a long one, so I'm gonna put it under a read-more. Proceed only if you dare!

So! Another year down, another begun, and this is my.... 5th? time looking back on my year and assessing what I accomplished and what I did. Lots of changes and new things happened to me this year! Not nearly as many good things as bad! But first I'm gonna dig up my old resolutions list and see how well I did on them. Let's see... for 2023 I had 9 goals, six of which were serious and 3 of which were more casual. those goals were;

Read 12 new books in a year (one book a month)

Finish the Snowdin Arc before Ghost Switch's 5th birthday

Rewrite the 3rd draft of my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22

Write 4 one-shots for BSaPT

Solidify the details of the waterfall arc

The one secret goal

Finish writing the last 4 chapters of Clemency and finally post the dang thing

build a comic buffer of 8 pages, and finally,

write the crack fic

Of these nine goals, I achived... 4 of them, those being reading 12 books, finishing the snowdin arc before june 18th, rewriting my 2021 nanowrimo project, and finalizing the waterfall arc for Ghost Switch. All of these were serious goals, which I am proud of! but it was still less than half, which was a little disappointing. As in past years, I'll go into more detail below:

Read 12 books I BLEW THIS ONE OUT OF THE WATER! the grand total of books I read this year was THIRTY-SIX! three times as many! In fact, I forced myself to stop in order to have more books to read for 2024! Most of the books I listened to this year were through librivox, and mostly on my commute to work. Great way to pass the time! I wrote short little notes about the books I read on a personal discord with only me in it, so let me see if I can just copy and paste all of that here... (all of my original notes will be italicized, while additional thoughts on it now will not be)

1) Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Short, cute! Inspirational. About self actualization. Read by richard Harris. People call this a demonic book?? Apparently a fourth part added in 2014. Look it up later. (Edit; I never did look it up later. there's an audiobook for this on youtube, and while the voice is nice, there is, like, a solid 10 minute segment with a single violin note playing in the background and it is GRATING) 2) fire bed and bone. Ok. Middle of the road. Too focused on people and not the dog, but I get that's the point. it's ~symbolic~. Like the use of no dialogue and no name for the main dog 3) dogs of the spires book 1: reads like fan fiction (derogatory). Sentences go on for 4 or 5 words too long. Used the word orbs for eyes 3 times. Duke is ALWAYS FUCKING GRINNING. Half-brother reveal makes no sense and comes out of nowhere. How… Big/old is Step? Talks waaay too mature for a kid. What happened to Twig? Very tell and not show. Pink foam pink foam pink foam. Why are dogs separated? Hoe do the packs work? Why training? Not given enough to care for characters. Feels like a warrior cat reskin. Too rushed and yet nothing happens at the same time. (I was very curious about post-apocolyptic xenofiction this year, and this was one of the books I could find on the matter, but it's very childishly written and just... bad. Surprisingly, there seems to be a very tiny but dedicated fandom for it on youtube? the series has a fandom wiki anyway...)

4) old granny fox. Very cute! A little repetitive, but passable for a children's novel. Great introduction to xenofiction for kids. Wonderful audio book. 5)the adventures of Sammy Jay. Short sweet also a lot of fun. Both books are Definitely of their time with their usage of the word "queer" as a synonym for "strange/odd"

Now, this is a little known fact about me, but I'm secretly a massive furry. yeah, who could've guessed, right? Anyway, i'm always on the look out for good xenofiction, and when I searched through the "animals" playlist of the librivox youtube channel and stumbled across the books by Thornton W Burgess, I was INSTANTLY enamored. Old Granny Fox, and The Adventures of Sammy Jay were the first two I read/listened to, and was immediately captivated. I MUST give extra props to the narrators of these audiobooks, with some of the more frequent readers for this series doing unique voices for each character, which really added to the charm (Jude Somers and John Lieder particularly come to mind). I WISH I had these books as a kid. I love the way they describe animal behavior and reasoning. While it is anthropomorphized, it never crosses a line into "too" human, if that makes sense. There's another book on this list that is very similar to Burgess' work, with talking animals, but in that book, the animals make and read signs on the doors of their houses, and go to animal tailors to get their clothes fit. this doesn't happen in Burgess' work. Sure, they talk about their homes and the coats they wear, but it's all very intentionally conveying their natural states and habitats in a slightly more human way for us to picture them. Sure, the art on the covers of the books may say otherwise, but it's never depicted that way in the actual text. All their behavior is very animalistic, too, explaining their thoughts and actions in a way that would make sense for a wild forest creature. These books are a little gentle when it comes to the cycle of life. While the predator characters do need to hunt, they are always juuuust out of luck when they are the main character, and the prey characters juuuust manage to escape each time they're the focus. I will definitely be reading more of Burgess' books this year (the man wrote over 170 of them!), but expect quite a few more titles of his to pop up on this list.

6) adventures of jimmy skunk 7)adventures of paddy beaver (not much to say on these two. both were charming, but I feared I would have sounded repetitive if I just kept writing "cute!" in my notes) 8) my father's dragon Short, cute and silly. Listened to the audiobook. Does the physical have pictures? Not really so much about the dragon. Wish there was more after the ending, like what became of the dragon? (I also watched the netflix movie adaptation of this book. I.... could not stand the dragon in the movie. I'm sorry, he's annoying as hell) 9)adventures of buster bear

10)adventures of old mister toad.Favorite one so far. Puts toads in a positive light and describes them as beautiful instead of ugly or gross. [Burgess] Really appreciates all animals and their unique abilities and traits

11) The tale of freddie firefly. Ehh, okay. Not as great as Thorton Burgess' books, but still enjoyable. Not the same 'voice'. (this book was written by Scott Bailey) 12) The adventures of Chatterer the red squirrel. Fine~ Fun. 13) The Fox That Wanted Nine Golden Tales. Funny, short. Would make a good 22 minute short film 14)tale of master meadow mouse. Alright~ why do the animals know what groundhogs day and February are? How does mouse know how to write, and fox to read? Do they wear clothes? Mention a tailor frog. Oars for a raft. Don't like the animals being described as "(color) person". Feels like it's missing an adjective, ie "feathered" or "furred". (This is what I was talking about above. Scott Bailey wrote very similar stories to Burgess, but something was just... off about is writing style. ) 15) the adventures of reddy fox. Okay. Feels like an earlier book. Not as kind as the other ones. (I later looked it up and confirmed this was one of the earlier books in his series, and this one was, like, his tenth ever published one)

16) the adventures of jerry muskrat

17) the tale of doctor Doolittle. Fun! Kiiiiiinda racist in the africa parts, but an overall good time! (I'm more familiar with the Doolittle movies, but was surprised to learn that Doolittle's ability to speak to animals was something he learned with effort and practice, and not a magic power or weird innate ability of his. It was an interesting read!) 18) Nomads of the North. Fun animal romp. I Flinched at the use of "fat" "tar baby" "half breed" and "Indians". First half is mostly about the bear, then a sudden sharp turn to mostly about the dog. Kinda meanders, has no over-arching through-line, conflict or plot. (Apparently a movie was based off of this book, but focused more on the humans than the animals. Eh, it was the 1920s. what can you do) 19)falcons of nerabedla; short sci-fi novella about a bodyswap time traveler. Its… Fine. Not the greatest. A little too confusing and kind of wish they explained things more earlier on. Not really about the falcons. Even for a sci-fi, still pretty sexist in the future.(honestly I don't even know if I should count this as it's own book. I'm pretty sure it was a short story inside a bigger magazine?) 20) south American jungle tales. Enjoyable! Very strong jungle book vibes with a South American flare. The story with the racoon was pretty dark, though. 21) a gryphon's journey. Too fast pace. Characters have a habit of spilling their entire backstories onto arias without prompting. Not enough show, not enough explanation of how the gryphons work. Some aspects completely pushed to the sides, like the satyrs and naugi until the end. Very rushed. The skyhaven arc could have been its own book, the stygagryph arc could have been it's own book. The heron gryph arc could have been it's own book. Not enough time to get to know the characters or care about them. Arias speaks far too maturely for his age, I feel. (Still on a gryphon kick from the last... two years now? Mostly I'm waiting for the fourth book in the Griffin Ranger Series to come out before I read the third. The author said it would come out before the end of 2023, but that date came and went and it still isn't on amazon at the time of writing (which is now 9:26pm, jeez...) I want to read isthmus so bad, but I don't want to wait on a cliffhanger) 22) myths and legends from Alaska. Okay. Feels very white washed and overly simplified. missing nuance. Reader is so deadpan and monotone that the audio book was a slog to get through (One thing I was determined to do for my own enrichment this year was to read more legends and mythologies from other cultures. There are SO MANY cool creatures and monsters and ideas out there, and I just feel so LIMITED by the small amount I know. We humans come up with some of the craziest shit imaginable!) 23) the white czar; a story of a polar bear. Bad, boring, incredibly racist. Barely about the bear at all! 24) the twins of buster bear. Another thornton w. Burges book. Its middle of the road. Certainly not bad, but my least favorite so far. Just kinda dull, and the audio book was horrendous. (honestly if the audiobook wasn't so bad, I wouldn't have disliked it so much, but it was a CHORE to listen to this one. I mean, thank you librivox for doing all this work for free, but is it too much to ask for some sort of vetting process for your volunteer readers??) 25) the wishing stone stories; BEST thornton w burges book so far! I would have been obsessed with this book as a child. Transforming into animals to learn about their ways. Not super PG like the others. The animals hunt and kill and get killed. 10/10

26) lightfoot the leaping goat 27) Toto the bustling beaver. Both alright. Nowhere near as charming as thornton Burgess, but endearing none the less. A little more 4th wall breaking. Toto audio book fun with silly voices, but I don't like the description of "tramps". A little too humanized for me. Lightfoot audio book fucking trash. Almost gave up. (Both of these books were written by Richard Barnum, another children's xenofiction writer of the time, but I quickly came to realize that his writing style is just not for me. I listened to a handful of his books too, this year, but they left me feeling uncomfortable more often than not because common attitudes of the time period reeeeeally show through his work.) 28) the adventures of poor misses quack. How do these qualify as adventures. She lands in a pond, dumps her backstory for 60 percent of the book, finds her mate and lives happily ever after. Not very strong, not very adventurous. 29) Mother West Wind "When" Stories; a lot of fun, charming, Aesop fable-esque. Fun mythology for children. A little too much peter rabbit, but I understand why he's there 30) the adventures of tamba the tame tiger. Yeahhhh, this series isnt my thing. A little too humanized, and the audio book is fuck GARBAE. (Pretty sure I meant to say "fucking garbage" there, but "fuck garbae" is funnier)

31) joust 32) alta 33) sanctuary All really good! All revolve around dragons and their usage and care. The books are a liiiiiitle too serendipitous, with the right thing always happening at the right time. Vetch/kuron doesn't "fail" enough. Second book is the best so far because the magi are a legitimate threat and it feels like time is running out so they must always stay one step ahead. (All written by Mercedes Lackey, all about dragon husbandry with a nice Egyptian flare! Check them out! But... maybe skip Aerie, the last in the series. It's not really worth it.) 34)aerie weakest one. Ahketen was absolutely unbearable and I didn't like the literal deus ex machina at the end with the actual gods coming down to help. Final ranking in order from best to worst; 2)alta, 1)joust, 3)sanctuary and 4)aerie. 35) the adventures of johnny chuck. Fun, average. Simple but doesn't need to be complicated. First of the thornton books ive read where the main character forms a family with children as the main focus 36) blacky the crow. Fun and charming as always. Feels a little simpler than the others with only 3 main mini stories, two of which involve stealing eggs. I wonder if I can find a box set of these books. (Aaaand that wraps up all the books I read this year! 15 of them were from thornton w burgess, and I hope to read even more from him this year! If you know of Burgess' books, tell me your favorites! I'd love to discuss them with someone~)

2.WHOO! the time is now 9:50, and I am just starting on talking about my second goal, which was to finish the snowdin arc of Ghost Switch before its 5th birthday. I did this! I did this exactly on june 18th! (for public readers, anyway. Anyone on my patreon got the page early, but a one week difference isn't much in the grand scheme of things.) I also get to say that I passed the Snowdin Test this year! "What is the Snowdin Test," you might ask? well, it's something a mutual acquaintance of mine, from the Fan Fic Paradise discord I lurk in, made aaaaall the way back in 2018, right when I was just startin' out with Ghost Switch. (Hi, Vikingaspoke, I don't know if you follow me on tumblr, or even have a tumblr for that matter, but I want you to know I thought about your thesis every single day since you first posted it, and have been determined (har har) to succeed where so many other undertale stories have failed. I did it once with my Epic-long fan fic, You Monster, but to do the same in comic form was a new and unique challenge. it took me almost 5 years, but I got there in the end! Cutting out the memories, I've officially concluded snowdin and started waterfall just this year!) I've also got to mention that I think my estimation on how long it will take me to finish Ghost Switch is slowly unfolding to be oddly accurate. I've never made a comic this long, but back in 2019, when I made an anniversary comic for Ghost Switch's 1st birthday, I guestimated that it would take me roughly 11 more years to finish the story, meaning it would take me 12 in total from start to finish. Well, we are rapidly approaching the half-way point of the comic, and if I haul ass it get to 312 pages out by the 6th birthday, we very well might actually hit it. I haven't drawn up to page 312 yet, but it's strangely close. Granted, my guess didn't account for the length of the flashback segments, which may push it back, but the sheer Idea that the "vibes" I got on how long each arc would take just by roughly judging the time it took me to finish ruins as a baseline to compare... it's just weird, man. I just "felt" that snowdin would be 1.5 times as long as the ruins, waterfall 2 times as long as the ruins, and hotland+New Home also 1.5 times that of the ruins. I have no metric for this since the final scenes were not written out yet. It just... feels like it should be that, and I'm kinda scared at how on track it's been.

3. Third goal was to Rewrite my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22. I did this as well! It's still no where near a final draft ready for beta readers or anything, and towards the end of the year I got distracted writing the second book in the trilogy because this is an epic fantasy story so it just HAS to have three books. Maybe I'll self-publish these stories one day. it sure is the most passionate I've ever been about something original i've ever written, but I want to make sure the entire rough draft of all three stories is done first so I can easily go back and add hints in previous parts without having to retcon anything later down the line. I've already had to do it once, so no doubt in my mind I'll have to do it again when I start trying to wrap things up in the final book. Speaking of the sequel, that was my nano project for this year! I won, but much like 2021 and 22, I didn't finish the book. my 21/22 project ended up being roughly 80k words, and I still expect to add about 10k more when I add some missing scenes and flesh out some description. I don't think that will happen with the second book. If anything, I expect it to barely stick around 50k in total because I just know I wrote a lot of filler and junk and repetitive stuff in the first draft this year because I was STRUGGLING with nanowrimo this year. Idk yet if I'm going to make a rewrite of book 2 my nano project for 2024. we'll have to wait and see how I'm feeling once september/october rolls around.

4. My fourth goal was to write 4 one-shots for my fic collection of Blankets, Socks, and Pillow Talk, over on AO3. I didn't do this, mostly because I was too distracted with my original fiction this year. i DID write one one-shot, hilariously during nanowrimo when I was suffering from writers block. Hopefully this year will be different. I would like this fic collection to at least hit 50k words so it could be a full novel of short stories all on its own. I think I can do it, I just need the time and inspiration.

5. My fifth goal, and last one I achieved this year was to finalize the details of the waterfall arc. I'm sure I've said it before in the past, but all the major story beats for Ghost Switch were planned out well before I even drew the first page, but the scenes connecting them were filled in more as I went. Rest assured, I make sure the entire arc is scripted before I start it, but my dirty little secret is that the snowdin arc wasn't completely written until I nearly finished drawing the ruins arc, and I was well into the snowdin arc before the final scenes of the waterfall arc were written down. It is now, and has been for at least 10 months. This was a goal I always knew I would achieve. Sometimes the resolutions I make are things I know are gonna happen whether I want them to or not. Sometimes you just gotta give yourself a guaranteed win to boost your self-confidence, you know? (now I just need to do the same for the Hotland arc. I think it's gonna take me 3 years minimum to finish waterfall, just like it did snowdin, so I got time, but the sooner I figure out the dialogue, the better. Will I make that a goal for this year? Ehh, probably not. I just wanna focus on building a buffer first)

6. The one secret goal was not achieved. If it was, this post wouldn't nearly be as long and you all would have heard about it as soon as it happened. Idk if it will happen this year, or anytime soon. A vicious combination of anxiety, the economy, and the uncertain state of the world make me hesitant to even attempt this goal.

aaand those were all my serious goals for this year! the time is now 10:37, I am tired and dizzy. I'm gonna save this as a draft and get back to it tomorrow~ nighty night~

OKAY! IT'S JANUARY 3RD NOW, 8:34AM! LET"S CONTINUE!

my three casual goals, none of which I accomplished, were;

7) Finish writing clemency. While I didn't do this, I did think about the story a lot. If you've been around since late 2022, You'll know that when AI writing generators started gaining popularity, news broke that the internet was scraped for data sets, including fan fiction websites like AO3. This extremely pissed me off because Fan Fiction is... well, I guess there's no better word than "sacred" to me. The unadulterated desire to write, create, share and expand on media that has touched us, inspired us, (hell, even angered us!) and to do this all purely because we can and we want to, just to make connections with other people who were fans of the same media, people we may never meet, thousands of miles apart from us, who we can touch and inspire in turn... Fan fiction is a gift. it means so much to me, from the professional writer who writes ficlets as an exercise, to tweens just starting their creative writing journey by imagining themselves hanging out with their favorite characters, to the hobbyists who wanted to imagine how things would change if just one thing happened differently, to those who feel underrepresented in media, and want to see themselves be the hero. People working through shit, people who are just bored, people who love a story so much they will retell it a hundred times over so it never has to end. Young, old, girl, boy, fluent writers, to writers in fandom where english is not their first language. It's an amazing, nearly incomprehensible melting pot that can connect us all... and some CEO jerkoffs just wanted to steal all this heart-felt work and feed it to a machine to make a quick buck. I was so enraged, so violated that works of passion could be abused this way that I locked down all my fics on AO3, and you now need to be logged in to read any of them, and I didn't write a word of fan fic in over a year. Every time I thought my anger had cooled off, more news would come up about "AI" generated stories appearing in the kindle app, or authors having works published under their name without their consent because thieves are trying to make a quick buck with their identity to trick fans, or hear that tv show and movie writers being told they are worthless and replacable, and I would get mad all over again. I'm still mad just remembering it, and until actual laws are in place regarding the use of "AI" in art and writing, I'll stay mad, and my stories will be under lock and key. If some good has come out of it, I focused a lot more on original fiction this year, which I haven't shared online at all, so no fear of that being stolen, but I do miss writing fan fic more regularly, yet I can't stand the thought of something I make for fun being taken and used by someone else to line their pockets. It's like... the antithesis of the purpose of storytelling to begin with and makes me sick to my stomach.

WOW! That sure was a rant! Let's move on! My 8th goal and second casual one was to make a comic page buffer of 8 pages. I almost did this one! At one point, (like, the second week of december) I had a buffer of 5 pages because I was finishing up Memory 5 of ghost switch, but then I realized I could line up the end of the memory with the end of the year, and I ended up posting all of my reserve pages in, like, a week! During those weeks, though, instead of making more pages to keep the buffer supplied, I played a lot of video games instead, which I hadn't done since... october? because I didn't touch my PS4 at all during november while I was writing for nanowrimo, and I missed playing Horizon Foridden West and wanted to get back to it. Maybe this year, though? I'm dead set on trying to get to 312 pages before Ghost Switch's 6th birthday, which is, like, 30 pages away, so I gotta improve my output process regardless.

And the 9th goal of mine and the last of the casual ones, was to write that crack fic. This goal has been on my resolutions for a couple years now, but I still haven't done it. I'm gonna blame my AI hatred grudge for this, since it made me not to want to write any fan fic at all this year. I'll get to this someday, but maybe now I should put it on the back burner for some newer goals and projects~

Okay! The time is now 8:57! if you're still reading this stream-of-conscious ramble of mine, it's time for me to list off my goals for this year!

IN 2024 I WOULD LIKE TO...

Read 12 new books this year (one book a month)

Reach 312 pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th (the 6th birthday)

Build (and maintain!) a comic buffer of 8 pages

Go walking on 3 new greenways around my neighborhood

Go camping by myself

Make at least one new song comic

Finish 4 video games to as close to 100% as I can (currently looking at Horizon Forbidden West, the original Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Blue, Carto, Alba, Stray, Journey, Unraveled and The Talos Principle 2, as these games currently entice me the most, but I still want flexibility and options if one game ends up not clicking)

Finish the first rewrite of my 2023 nanoproject (this will probably end up being my nano24 project, if i'm being honest with myself)

Write 4 one-shots for BSapT

-- These 9 goals I want to be serious about, but like last year, I have some casual goals i want to do as well. They include...

10. Get reacquainted with Neocities and make a personal website

11. Learn to code to improve said website/learn to make games

12.Listen to the entire royalty free youtube library for reasons

13. Research every d.o.n.g. ever featured on VSauce, for neocities reasons.

I feel like I had a couple more off-handed things I wanted to do this year, but these 4 casual things are the only ones I can remember at the moment. Maybe I'll come back and add to this list later.

Alright! The time is now 9:37AM, and I have to go run some errands/do some house chores! Saving this again as a draft to come back to this later!

Okay! Done with errands, and it is 11:30am on the nose! Time to resume my inane ramblings and hopefully finish this thing within the next two hours.

One thing I mentioned in my recap/review of 2022 was that I never actually felt like I was looking back on the year in depth. So much was forgotten or blurred together with other years because I didn't keep track of it. Well, this year I kept a monthly diary, again in my personal discord of 1, and wrote in it whenever I felt anything of note or significance happened to me, or whenever I had reoccurring thoughts or feelings. i managed to write in it at least once a month, often times twice, that being every two weeks. I found the whole experience quite therapeutic, frankly, and I'll share snippets of it now, though I will cut out the more personal entries. Be forwarned! A lot of the following text is straight up copied and pasted from my diary entries, so there is a lot of misspellings and short hand. I'll try to fix some of the more obvious ones, but these paragraphs are just as stream-of-concious writing as the rest of this massive post. Anything in parentheses with A/N is me adding context right now on the present day!

january 5th, two very close coworkers of mine quit due to upper management being petty. These two employees had worked here for nearly two decades. They were married to each other and were the mom and dad of the work base, with everyone else relying on them, looking up to them, and going to them for their problems. Them walking out scared everyone lower on the pecking order, because we felt that we were no longer protected from manager bullshit with them gone. I was off the day they walked out and didn't get to say goodbye. the grief I felt upon learning they left caused me to have my first ever anxiety attack that night. It was one of the worst experiences I've ever had in my life. I try to keep in touch, but we don't talk much due to our age gaps and busy work lives.

in January I also had a body-horror nightmare that still makes me squirm just thinking about it. I dreamt no one in the world wore pants, but we were all cool with it because we had pockets built into our legs. Not like... fabric sewn into skin, mind you, I mean naturally evolved extra flaps of flesh over our thighs like the pouch of a cartoon kangaroo. flesh pockets. even in my dream I could feel them. the insides were surprisingly dry and smooth- no sweat or hair in there, but the sensation was uncomfortably irritating, like when you rub your knuckles too much and it feels sore. worst part of this dream was, I woke up, thought "thank god I'll for get this in a few hours", but then watched cartoons later that day and saw a... tom and jerry(?) short where tom also had built in pockets on his body which made me remember everything, and now I can't forget.

February 8th. Watched The Flight if Dragons. Good, campy 80s feel. Drags in some parts, rushed in others. Some aspects feel like they have 0 explanation. (How did peter separate from gorbash? Did peter know that denouncing magic would vanish him from the safe haven? What happened to the princess's parents? EVERYTHING with the wolf and whatever was going on between the huntress and knight. I also Watched 1996 dragonheart. Slow start, but good fun. Pretty decent cgi. Acting is downright TERRIBLE in places, but it was good campy fantasy fun in the end.

On february 14th, I dreamed of a haunted house, but the house wasnt malicious. It felt like a friend that worried for your safety when you left, because it was rooted to the spot and could not come to you when you were in trouble. I did not stay long, and felt melancholic when I had to leave. Once outside, I turned around and said "goodbye house" and waved it farewell. Then, in all the curtains and windows, dozens and dozens of shadowy human arms waved goodbye to me in return, wishing me well and safe travels. It would miss me, but not keep me prisoner, because a house is only a home if you had the freedom to leave and return when you wished.

March 18. I got recommended a video on YouTube about screen savers, and it reminded me of one that our family computer had in the early 00s. After searching for a while, I rediscovered it; the createacard screensaver pack. So many buried memories unearthed. The sense of wanderlust and inspiration and not over such beautiful art came rushing back to me; https://youtu.be/zFPKmnegK0c

I was generally tired for all of march, not having much energy for any project outside of my comic, and even that was starting to wear me down.

I played a lot of kingdom hearts 1 in late February/early march. Synthesized the Ultima weapon for the first time. Cried farming sniper wilds and stealth soldiers because they unsettle me. I'm trying to grind to level 100 before the game is over. Debated on doing a kh song comic this year (A/N: This did not happen)

I want to redo my personal website. Wix added an image file size limit, and my whole site currently surpasses that twice over. The wix site editor is slow and finicky any way. Looked into blogspot and WordPress. I want to start a xenofiction book review podcast. Are solo podcasts popular? I Looked into neocities. Felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and child-like wonder. Made my own account/basic website, but haven't edited anything yet.

I got hit with the seasonal depression late February/early march, watched some home gardening videos on youtube and got inspired. The videos I watched were about people building actual massive scale pond and lakes, but I just went to home depot and Lowe's and Wal-Mart, bought, like, 12 different kinds of vegetable and flower seeds, 3 long rectangular planters and 2 massive bags of dirt. I also bought some peat seed starters, a plant heating pad (which I might just give to my cat) and a plant light. I spent over 150$ total.

My cat turned 5 years old on the 15th this march as well!

In late april I got really into analog/digital horror args and unfiction realities. Been watching a lot of Night Mind and similar analysis videos (I'm too lazy and dumb to try and solve them myself).

April 28th. Maternal grandfather might be passing soon. He's been in and out of hospitals since late January, needs around the clock assisted living, and my mom and her sister are constantly having to take time out of their lives to help him. I hate it. It's stressful and aggravating to mom, the assisted living people are incompetent, and my mom is stretching herself thin, running ragged trying to do everything at once. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to anyone.

May 11th. Mom's computer has a solitaire program with hundreds of versions of solitaire, most of which have gone unplayed. Ive been trying new games and learning them through trial and error (the "rules" tab doesnt work because it accesses a file that is no longer installed on this computer). Ive found new favorites in "twenty" and in "carpet". It makes life just a little bit more interesting.

June 4th. Been really into watching blind lets plays of undertale from 2022/3 lately, as well as dissection/discussion of undertale's music. Also into shayy's undertale mods. Glad the fandom is still having fun with this game. Got interested in pokemon infinite fusion. Downloaded it, but havent played yet. Getting back into PMD, though I have to grind now for leveling and evolving mons I cant recruit. Took a break from listening to librivox books, but might pick it up again. Same with checking in on flight rising. This year will be it's 10th birthday iirc

Looked at my ao3 recently and noticed I havent written anything in over 6 months. Still mad about the AI data scraping. I didn't stop writing entirely though. I spent all of October, November, January and February writing an original story, and still really proud/excited about it. Finished typing the rough draft on Wednesday, taking a break before I start edits.

All my flowers I planted in February are dying. Has a lot of rain this year. I think they're getting over watered.

June 6th. Been thinking a lot about Hawaii recently. I miss my old school and house. Went to Google earth to look at it again. I think our old neighborhood of [REDACTED] was razed and rebuilt becuase the streets dont look the same. This makes me feel… Not quite sad or bitter, but hurt none the less. I knew ever since we moved here chances of going back would be slim, but knowing my most nostalgic childhood home is gone forever…

Saturday June 17th fucking sucked for everyone. Two coworkers got seriously injured at work. My car battery completely died and couldn't be jump started. Had to call for a tow and wait 2+ hours for it to arrive. Wanted to cancel but they told me I would be charged even if the tow never arrived. Got charged 80 extra dollars for a "wench fee" I didn't need, but they talked to fast for me to think about it. Massive accident on the 4-lane highway home put all traffic down to 1 lane, and we were stuck there an extra hour. Dairy Queen's lobby closed early, going to drive through only, sonic was OUT OF ICE CREAM, and the local grocery store was almost sold out too. Did not get home until almost 10pm. Both my car AC and my mom's car a.c. don't work. I FUCKING LOVE OWNING A CAR. IT'S SO MUCH FUN AND SO FREEING.

June 28. Been playing a new video game recently; horizon forbidden west. Price dropped by 50% on Amazon and I had a 10$ gift card so I got the game for 1/3 the launch price. It's okay so far. Been slowly exploring and uncovering the map, ignoring the main story and discovering secrets. There is definitely A LOT more to do in this game than in the first. Dont really like a lot of Aloy's line deliveries. Some of the controls are different which throws me off. Robo enemies cool as ever, though noticeably fewer dinosaur ones.

Mom continues to take care of her dad. Aunt does too. All of mom's free time and energy this summer has been stolen by him. She keeps insisting she won't have to look after him as much when he gets better. I don't think he's ever getting better.

All my flowers I planted back in March have died. It's just too damn hot for them. It's too hot for everyone. We have just hit ten straight days with weather in the triple digits. I'm miserable.

Might have to replace my laptop soon. It's almost 12 years old, the battery doesn't work anymore, it overheats, and it's super slow. Looking into gaming laptops.

June 29; grandfather passed away last night. All I feel is relief.

July 11th. I got gifted my grandfather's bed, but had to switch it back out with my old bed because it was too soft and fucking up my back. No lumbar support.

July wrap up: month went by sooo fast I can hardly believe it. Its too fucking hot. Texas is stuck in a heat cyclone. Havent played solitare in a while, or listened to audio books. I managed to do 7 jigsaw puzzles this summer, and hope to do one more. each one has been 1000 pieces minimum, with two being 2000 pieces, and 1 being 3000. I should have taken more pictures of them finished, but it's fun to know we finished one puzzle per week this whole summer.

August 5th; Wish I recorded some smaller details throughout the year, not realizing id want to recall the last time I did something. When was the last time I intentionally watched a movie or listened to a specific song? (but then again, how will I know I'm going to think the exact thought; "when was the last time I did X specific thing?") I rewatched wolf children 2 months back for the first time in years, same with relistening to HeyHiHello songs. Been having a lot of lower back pain lately. Stretching helps, but I can no longer sit or sleep in my favorite position without cramping up. I need to be perfectly straight and i hate it. (A/N: The very next night I pulled a muscle in my back so bad I thought I was paralyzed. for the first time in years, I had to call in sick to work because I could not physically move from my bed)

August 19th. Went to a chiropractor. No pinched nerves or slipped disc, just a pulled muscle. Stretching helps and have been wearing a back brace. Finally had grandpa's memorial on the tenth. It was nice to learn he made friends at his community center. I'll try to be out going when I'm old too. Doctors would not sign his death certificate for 7 weeks because they just didn't give a shit, and we finally threatened to call a lawyer. He finally got cremated.

August 30th- recently had to go to pepboys to get my car fixed again. It was "stuck" in neutral. Grandma came and picked me up to let me go home. She said she doesnt plan to be driving much longer and intends to give her car to me. I dont know how to feel about this. Grateful for the future gift? Sad that she is getting older? I had to have my car towed and had to leave work early, which I hate doing because it makes me feel like I'm leaving everyone else to do my work, but I did not want another repeat with the towing situation that happened in june.

September 19th. I finally put on my brave face and ordered a new laptop for myself earlier this month (the 5th to be precise) and today it finally arrived. I bought myself an HP omen gaming laptop. It's so nice, but also different and a little scary trying to adjust to all this new interface. I went from using windows 7 for the last 11 years to jumping into windows 11. It'll be an adjustment. Gotta re-download all my old programs and transfer my files. Hope my drawing tablet will still work on this laptop. Might have to buy a new one of those as well. I already hate the subscription model being used if you want to do ANYTHING with the tech YOU BOUGHT nowadays. Goodbye microsoft office! It was fun while I knew you! I got libreoffice now! Fuck off adobe! OpenShot and Shotcut are my video editing programs now! I still need to learn my way around OBS, opentoonz, and pencil2d, but I gotta say there's something.... rustic? homey? about having a desktop full of opensource programs made by people who want to help other creatives free of charge. I miss the days where you buying something meant you own it forever, but free homegrown programs updated by community feels friendlier than just owning a shiny "offical" big named piece of software, I gotta admit.

The new laptop is wonderfully fast and silent. It cost me 2 grand so I hope it lasts just as long as my old one. There is no removable battery from what I can tell, which is sad. Also no disc drive. The keys light up rainbow which is cool (but I had to turn that feature off to improve battery life). I customized the desktop background to some concept art of the videogame RiME. (I thought I had saved the default bg pic from my old laptop to my external hard drive, but I guess I hadn't?) Funny to me that in the 10+ years of owning my second ever laptop, I never changed the wallpaper because I liked the default art so much. Might add more art to a file and have the wallpaper rotate. I want to replay RiME again too. Love the simple gameplay and strong colors of that game.

October 4th. So much has happened in 2 weeks, it feels much longer than that. I pretty much completely switched to using my new lap top ad my main computer, transferred all the files, downloaded a bunch of open source software for writing documents, video editing, streaming and animation. Fuck you Microsoft. I shouldn't need an account to use basic microsoft word. Hope to bring back page making streams next year for patrons~ ive even been playing some steam games that my old laptop just couldn't run, and quite a few new ones as well. Candleman, carto, so many fun and charming titles~ replaying snakebird because all my progress was lost 🥲I'm not mad. I love snake bird.

I have so much desire to do so many things, but not enough time to do them. I need to queue up my november posts for tumblr before I go on break. I need to get my oil changed soon. I want to go back on steam and play more humongous entertainment games. I want to write, I want to draw, I want to animate, I want to learn how to quilt and crochet and garden. I want to do it all right now all at the same time. I want to go on a nature walk. I want to see my friends.

Its finally starting to cool off. We still get in the 90s easily, but it rained last night for the first time in weeks, and we havent hit 100 degrees in a couple of days. Been reading a lot of webtoons lately. Been having the urge to start my own with my original storylines, or at least use webtoons as a backup/mirror for my fan comic. So many unique stories there all ready. So many fun art style and worlds to get lost in. I love stories and the people that tell them. The joy of creating a tale and sharing it with the world is humanity in its purest form.

November 1st: youtube is cracking down on adblockers. Havent had any problems yet on desktop, but on this day, my default youtube app on my lg smart phone started showing me ads for the first time in the 8+ years I've had it. I was so mad that i forced stopped the app, and logged into youtube through an ad block browser app instead. Some of the app's features will be missed, like being able to watch a video and search at the same time, but these little annoyances are nothing compared to the fury I felt at being shown ads. I didn't write nearly as much as I wanted to for nanowrimo today because of this.

November 6th: I turned 31! Both my friends forgot my birthday, and I wasn't able to reserve a camping site for the April 8th eclipse next year! 🙃 ive been writing like mad for nanowrimo, but I'm still falling behind.

December 17. Has it really been a whole month since i last made a diary update? Thanksgiving came and went. No drama at our house but my mom and I watched an argument unfold in the yard of our neighbors. The one mobile game I play, dragon's world, officially shut down for me 4 days ago. I'm a little sad I could never 100% it, but glad I got as far as I did, and even managed to buy some dergs so it didnt feel all my hard earned gems went to waste. Havent uninstalled the app yet out of nostalgia, even though I only played this game for a year and a half. I made the mistake of reinstalling the google play store to look for a new dragon raising game, but none had the same appeal, and the reinstall caused my discord app to update and hate it ):< I kinda want to learn how to make a mobile game of my own like dragons world, but with gryphons instead and a focus on rescue/rehabilitation and zoology angle. (I mostly just dont like how common fighting is in these kind of games.) Finally been playing horizon forbidden west after a few months away. I'm not progressing the story, just trying to max upgrade all my gear. It's a fun challenge~

December 26, 2023. Got bit by a dog at work on Christmas. Right on the nail of my middle finger. He broke my nail but not my skin. Its odd. Thankfully I can still draw without much issue. I got a tetanus shot and flu shot just to be safe. Mom got me a tent for Christmas because I plan to go camping by myself next year, even though I wont get to see the eclipse on my outing.

The fan game undertale yellow came out on the 9th… Which was before my last journal update? I've been enjoying the game play but the story is just a little... eh. the sprite work is phenominal, though, no complaints there. I hate that it's making me want to write my own AU version of it already to "improve" it, since I think the story loses its way pretty much once you leave the ruins. (maybe I can try to shove it into Clemency in stead since i still haven't finished that either).

I watched a documentary on kangaroos on netflix this month. I had to play it at 1.25 speed because I swear they slowed down every single clip for the film to get it to a certain length. I also watched "dog gone trouble" which had terrible voice work and awful character design, and then "back to the outback" which was surprisingly well made even if the characters stumbled sometimes, but I'd easily recommend it. I want to watch more Christmas movies before the year is through. (A/N: this also did not happen).

Finally uninstalled dragons world today. My phone's been acting up. Hope I don't have to replace it soon. I don't like how, nowadays, the technology I pay for, I don't actually own, and features are being removed left and right. I'm afraid any "new" phone on the market offered now won't nearly last as long as my current one has.

Aaand that was a brief glimpse into my year! The time is now 1:10pm! I already have one other post going up today, so I'll queue this one to go up on thursday instead~ if you managed to read this far, thank you so much, i guess! I hope my ramblings don't make you see me differently as a person. It's odd reflecting on where I was in my life over these past 12 months, remembering my state of mind and the feelings I felt as I wrote these entries. I'll be sure to do it again this year.

Overall, did I learn anything?...no, I don't think so? I did come to the realization that at the end of every year, in multiple youtube videos and tumblr posts, people mentioned how hard the year was for them, but like... after june, for me, everything improved quite a lot. it doesn't feel right to say that 2023 was hard for me. It was unbearably sad for me at the beinging. annoying and (physcially) painful half way through, but once august hit... everything slowly started to get better, despite the small petty things I complained about in my journal entries above. youtube ads, car troubles and discontinued apps of games I enjoyed still feel like small potatoes when compared to what I accomplished. Finished writing a draft of personal fiction, finished a major arc of a fan comic, got a new laptop to stream and share art with others, played a bunch of new video games, and generally enjoyed life for the latter half of this year.

And it almost feels selfish to say that... I'm happy.

I hope I can stay happy in 2024 as well.

Thanks for reading~

Have a safe and joyous 2024~

#long post #year in review #new year's resolutions #2023 review

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wannabemobwife · 3 years

Text

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas- Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Dressed to the Nines

Dad!Mob!Tom Holland x Mom!Mob!Reader Fanfic

-Pairings: mob! Tom Holland x reader

-Warnings: Language

-Words: 3.9K

Background Info- Tom Holland is boss of his mafia and Y/N Holland, his wife, is former mafia boss turned stay at home mom but still joined Tom on his business trips and meetings. They started dating at 19 and were married at the young age of 21, realizing they only needed each other. They have two kids together, both ages 16, Parker and Rosie Holland.

*Realistically to have two teenagers, Tom and Y/N are both in their mid/late thirties but they look like they are in their mid twenties/late twenties alright. What can I say, they have really good genes. I can guarantee that Tom will still definitely look as gorgeous as he does know in his 30’s.

Author note: I enjoy writing drama, so it’s hard to have constant fluff, mostly angst (I hope, at least what I consider angst). The more times where a character almost dies but doesn’t the better to me. This is my first fanfic, I wrote this story based on being married with kids because that is the part of my life I’m most looking forward to. Heads up but there is tons of dialogue, I find that the most fun to write.

Also I enjoy PDA and a personal goal of mine is to be married for 20 years and still want to jump my husband’s bones so there are a bunch of little hints like that through the fanfic. Sorry if your name is any of the characters, feel free to change them in your mind. I know it’s stupid of me to say that but whatever.

Chapter 1: Dressed to the Nines

Words: 3.9K

You and Tom were a power couple. The Hollands, the ones with the most power and the most dangerous. A king and queen to their empire. Lately you had been tackling married life together and had been raising two kids. A boy named Parker and a girl named Rosie both the same age. But nothing could prepare you for what every parent dreads, their teenage years. All the hormones, mood swings and relationship drama that comes with it.

When both the twins turned 16 it was big turning point in your family. Rights of passage as Tom would say. You and Tom threw a massive gala to celebrate their 16 years of being alive. Tom as the leader of his own mob, money was no object and you coming from the family you did and being a former mafia boss, you both had truly opulent wealth. It was the night of their kids’ sixteenth birthday and everyone was invited from family, friends, business associates and even enemies. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer they would say. Tom and tried to keep as much as possible from your kids, trying to give them a normal childhood. Failing over and over again at that. Some nights Tom would come home bloody from beating up someone who crossed him. Or there would always been strange, bulky, built men surrounding your mansion for protection. It was hard to explain everything to the kids, but it was something they just had to do for family.

The party was about to begin, 7:00 on the dot, and the house was decorated to fit a very elegant yet youthful look. Caterers dressed in white carrying bountiful trays of appetizers. Tom and you adored the luxury of their life, even though they knew if they didn’t have all the materials they did they would be even happier. Their family is what mattered most to them. You were dressed to the nines, in a lace gold gown, with sparkly stilettos on. Her Y/H/C hair gracefully laying one her back, without a strand out of the place. And her Y/E/C eyes were beaming, if looks could kill they would. Tom couldn’t help but admire you.

“You know, it’s rude to gawk,” you said and Tom chuckled.

“I’m sorry but you’re just too beautiful not to,” he responded and placing his hands on your hips.

Rolling your eyes and smirking you said “tonight’s the night.”

“I know, should we do it now?” he questioned as his half smile turned into a frown.

“No, let him have this one more night. Without any obligation,” you had been dreading this night for years.

“Alright, darling,” he said as he kissed softly, he just couldn’t contain himself he

found his other half. The person that makes him want to be a better man. His soulmate.

Like any family there are skeletons in their closets but, the Hollands were a whole another story. Tonight was the night, one they had been dreading for 16 years, to be exact. You and Tom’s son, Parker would be tasked with the most difficult decision of his life. One that will rewrite his story. Tom wishes he would just turn it down and do what he didn’t have the balls to do when he was his age.

The day Tom’s dad brought him into the office, he knew his life would never be the same. Dom, his father and former boss of the Holland empire, made it very clear that if he turned him down, he could forget about being in this family. Tom just knows he won’t give the same ultimatum. Parker being the oldest and only son of Tom and Y/N Holland is the future of their family empire. Parker was quite popular, a playboy actually and very dashing. Wearing a black suit with a black tie and a white shirt he look just like his dad with his brown hair slicked back. Being one of the guests of honor tonight he had to look the part. Slowly made his way to the bar before his mother could find him. Desperately needing some liquid courage, he quickly poured himself a shot of vodka and downed it even faster. However nothing gets past, you, Y/N Holland.

“Parker Jackson Holland!” you fumed, catching her 16 year old son drinking.

“Hey, what’s with the middle naming me, it’s my birthday,” he responded a little startled.

“You should not be drinking, ever. You got two years, mister,” you explained.

“Alright, mum,” Parker sounded annoyed.

“Where’s your sister by the way, party is supposed to start in 10 mins,” you said as she noticed all the guest starting to arrive. A line of people already waiting at the door but everyone knew the Hollands preferred people to arrive fashionably late.

“I don’t know. Having a fit probably. Last I heard was screaming coming from her closet.”

“I’ll go check on her. Your father and I need you sober later. Understood?” You exclaimed.

“Yes, mum.” Parker was a good boy on paper but, enjoyed breaking the rules.

Right as you turned away, Parker then started to pour another shot.

“Don’t even think about it,” you said still walking forward. Parker chuckled and set the shot down.

You went to go check on her daughter. You knocked on the door when she heard something shatter. Rosie may seem timid but she definitely inherited Tom’s anger issues.

“Honey? Is everything alright?” You questioned, startled by the outburst.

“Yeah, mum. I’m sorry,” Rosie muttered seeming frustrated.

“It’s ok, oh honey!” You exclaimed, noticing the tears on her daughter face

“I know, this is stupid,” Rosie whispered trying to hide her tear stained face.

“No, no it isn’t. What’s wrong?” you said, genuinely concerned for her daughter’s well-being.

“I don’t know everything, this dress, my hair, my makeup,” she exclaimed frantically.

“Baby, you look beautiful.”

“Pretty enough that someone would want to dance with me?” Rosie whispered. You were caught off guard that your daughter could ever have thoughts like that.

“Yes of course, you are always gorgeous.” You hated seeing your baby girl beat herself up based on her looks.

“Thanks mom, I have a question?” You just nodded in response.

How did you get dad to fall in love with you?” Rosie asked inquisitively.

“Um, I guess was just myself. I didn’t put on a facade and I was very honest and transparent with him,” you answered a little taken back from the question.

“You were yourself? I find that hard to believe. From stories I’ve heard you seemed to be bold, brave and beguiling” said Rosie with a hint of sarcasm.

“Am I not those things now?” You asked, cheekily.

“No you are, just in a different way.”

“Honey, whoever you are trying impress, will love for who you are, ok?” You couldn’t stand seeing her daughter like this.

“Alright. Can you help me with my makeup?” Rosie asked because her previous makeup had been ruined by her miniature breakdown

“Yes, of course.”

Back at the party Tom was making his way around saying hello to almost everyone. He desperately needed to find his son. Tom’s and Parker’s relationship was interesting to say the least. As babies and toddlers Tom was there. He loved his kids so much but as they grew older they only noticed the times he wasn’t there. Only the missed recitals and football games, never all times that had dinner as a family and he tucked them in to bed at night. Parker is closer to his mother and his twin sister. Never really having that man to man talk with his dad yet. The time when fathers stop seeing their sons as boys and look at them as men. Tom approached Parker sitting there with his a drink in his hand, he hoped was a watered down Pepsi.

“Hey Parker, did your mom talk to you already?” Tom asked, not trying to raise too many questions.

“No, she might have mentioned something,” Parker responded.

“Ok, well after cake meet me in my office.” Parker nodded in response and noticed how he tensed a little at the conversation.

Their chat quickly ended when Harrison and his 16 year old son Henry came to wish happy birthday. Harrison is Tom’s right hand man, his consigliere and his best friend. He was more than that, Harrison was family. Harrison’s son, Henry was best friends with Parker and Rosie, ever since birth.

“Hey mate,” Tom said to his best friend Harrison.

“Hey, just came to wish this guy “happy birthday”” he said patting Parker’s shoulder.

“Happy birthday, dude” Henry said to Parker and he returned with subtle “thank you’s.” Parker slightly nodded to his dad to see if he could leave the conversation and Tom let him know it was ok.

“Come on, let’s go,” Parker exclaimed making his way to den where his other friends were.

Harrison was the first to speak up, “Have you told him yet?”

“No, Y/N and I are going to do it tonight” Tom uttered with a low toned voice.

“Geez, do you need me there?” Harrison asked, afraid Tom might say yes. Harrison was there when Tom went through the same process with his dad. Tom’s anger issues didn’t help the outcome.

“I think I’m alright, just family. Not that I don’t consider you family but I don’t even know if Rosie should be there.” Tom justified.

“It’s alright mate, I get it.”

They were both enjoying their night, making their rounds, Tom and Harrison went to get drinks, not beer this time but a scotch on the rocks as this was a classy night. Everything was dandy up until one of Tom’s men, William, came up to him informing Tom of a problem.

“Sir we have a problem,” William whispered to Tom, Tom nodded for them to follow them to his office.

“William, what now? Can’t you see I’m enjoying the party?” Tom exclaimed, closing the doors to his office.

“Sir, Daniel, was found dead at his post outside, shot by a tranquilizer gun, with a note taped to his chest, it’s for you.” William announced and handed the paper to the most important and dangerous man of the mob, his boss.

“What the fuck?” A long silence stayed in the air while Tom processed the news. Awkwardness had filled the entire room as they all awaited Tom’s response.

“For fucks sake, you need at least 3 guards posted outside. NOW!” He screamed as his anger continued to rise as read the note.

“Yes, Sir.” William said promptly.

“God forbid anything else happen tonight, but my wife and kids are the first ones to be escorted to safe house. Understood?” Tom explained as he only was only thinking about his family in that moment.

“Yes, Sir.” William said and quickly ran out before he could get the brunt of Tom’s upcoming outburst. Right on cue, Tom threw a glass ashtray at the wall, it shattering into shards.

“Calm down mate, what did the note even say.” Harrison asked with a worrisome look on his face. Tom showed Harrison the joy and his smile faded immediately. Tom for the first time, in a while, felt fear because he knew he had everything to lose.

Not wanting to deal with the life long headache that is his life. He looked for solace in, you, his wife as he spotted her over by the fireplace and made his way over to you.

“Have told you look stunning tonight?” He said instantly falling in love with you over again.

“Several times actually,” you said.

“Well I can’t help what you do to me, gorgeous.” He said placing a kiss to your temple.

“Hey, have you had the talk with him yet?” You said pointing a finger at your son getting very intimate with some girl.

The girl was Charlotte Owens. Parker and her had been together for almost a year, but you and Tom hadn’t met her formally yet. Your son was very tight-lipped the it came to his private life. She was tall, fair and had platinum blonde hair along with piercing blue eyes. Rosie didn’t seem to like her very much, constantly annoyed by her popularity status and reputation, used to be known for being with a new guy every couple weeks and don’t put it past Rosie to not give her the benefit of the doubt.

“No, remember we’re going to do it tonight. Is something wrong?” He said with concern, worried why you would forget something so important.

“No, not that talk, silly, “The talk”,” you responded. His lips formed an “o” shaped as he realized he would have to teach his son about how to be safe during sex.

“Oh, no. I’ve been avoiding it for as long as possible.”

“Why baby, you’re so good at it. You could give him a few a pointers.” You said, winking at him.

“Wow, love, you surprise me everyday. Speaking of beautiful girls, where’s Rosie. I’ve haven’t seen her all night,” Tom quickly trying to change the subject as they were at a party.

“I saw her a few minutes ago,” you said as a puzzled look grew on her face.

“Come on, let’s go find her and maybe you and I can sneak off for awhile.” He said cheekily.

“Tommy,” you whispered but eventually agreed. Slowly making your way out of the main ballroom to the secret garden next to his office.

Walking very slyly, you both made your way to secret spot near Tom’s office. Where ivy had grown throughout the brick and purple and yellow tulips lined the fence along with giant trees. There was a little wishing fountain that Tom had installed when you moved in, this was their secret spot. One where they could forget about all the violence and responsibility that tainted their lives.

Their intimate moment was ruined when Rosie walked by with some random guy named Connor, not the person she’d hope to bring there. All throughout the night Rosie seemed to be jealous of the attention her crush was getting at the party as he didn’t pay attention to her. Thus, she went find a distraction of her own.

“Oh hey, shh, look two people getting it on over there,” he whispered to her as she dragged him outside.

“Please don’t be my brother.” She murmured but felt like she wanted to throw up when she saw who it was.

“Mom, dad?” Rosie screamed.

“Oh shit, we’ve been busted,” Tom muttered against your neck.

“Hey honey,” You said while Rosie was completely mortified. Rosie’s potential hookup stood there mouth wide open.

“That’s your mum, god, she’s a babe.” Connor said.

“Connor, not helping.” Rosie exclaimed sternly as she pinched his side.

Tom spoke up, “Why don’t you guys go back and enjoy the rest of the party.”

Rosie just nodded and left as fast as humanly possible. She never wants to be that embarrassed again.

“Oh my god, we were gonna get it later.” You said.

“I know, we really screwed up this time. But have you had “the talk” with her yet,” Tom asked.

“Nope, we should both really get on that. What would I’ve happened if they hadn’t caught us?” You asked jokingly.

“I don’t want to think about that Y/N! She’s our daughter.” Tom exclaimed.

“Neither do I.”

“Enough of this, where were we?” Tom interjected immediately changing the subject.

“Well you lips were on my neck and you hand was on my waist, but I think the moment has passed and we should get back to the party,” you said rather seductively.

“Fine, I know you’re right. But fuck, I just want to make out with my wife,” Tom muttered frustratingly.

“Well you can later... in bed.” Winking as you chuckled.

“Man, that kid was right, you are a babe.”he said as he slapped your ass as you walked in front of him chuckling.

“Is it time for cake?” Harrison asks as he came up to Tom and you.

“I think it is.” Tom said and you nodded. Walking towards Rosie, who was desperately trying to erase her self from existence because of the embarrassment she’d experienced a minute ago.

“Hi, honey. Can you please go find your brother? We are going to cut the cake.” You said trying not to accidentally bring up the elephant in the room.

“Alright, fine,” Rosie muttered still a little peeved finding you and Tom like that. Rosie searched high and low for Parker.

Needing some assistance she asked Henry. “Hey, have you seen my brother?”

“Last I saw he was taking Charlotte to the green house” Henry responded.

“Alright, come on, let’s go find them” Rosie said rolling her eyes. Her hand slipped into Henry’s as she led the way. Making their way through the vast yet gorgeous yard. Rosie and Henry found Parker and Charlottes lips entangled together and bodies in a compromising position in the green house

“For fucks sake, how many people am I going to find sucking face at this party.” Rosie yelled, startling Charlotte and Parker.

“What the fuck do you want, Rosie? Can’t you see I’m busy.” Parker quipped annoyingly.

“Mom and dad want to cut the cake” Rosie responded.

“Ugh fine. Give us 10 mins” knowing he will be finished in that time.

“No, you can fuck your bimbo of a girlfriend later.” Rosie said, receiving a grimace from Charlotte.

“Don’t you fucking talk about her like that! Fuck off!” Parker yelled as Henry and Rosie left. Both of the kids had inherited Tom’s angry side.

“Well, you can explain to mom and dad you were late because you were balls deep in in your whore,” Rosie said walking away.

The moments leading up to the end of Parker’s innocence were fleeting. In more ways than one. He wasn’t a virgin even before that evening but, Parker could imagine the task he was supposed to accomplish. The 3 tier chocolate raspberry ganache cake had been cut and distributed to the guests. Happy birthday had been sung to Rosie and Parker. Parker tried to go off with Charlotte again, but Harrison stopped him and brought him to the Tom’s office.

“They’re in there,” Harrison whispered.

“Who?” Parker asked Harrison who was like his uncle.

“Just go,” Parker opened the door to see his mother and his dad sat behind the desk. The door shut behind him.

“Mom? Dad? What’s going on here?” Parker hesitated.

“Son, sit down,” Tom said, knowing this wasn’t going to be easy.

“We have to talk to you.” You interjected.

“Parker, as part of this family, there are certain responsibilities you have to take. It is a tradition in our family that at the age of 16, the sons are brought to light about the dealings of our family and what is expected of you,” Tom said as Parker grew wary. Not really understanding what his parents were trying to convey.

Throughout his entire life, he had his suspicions about his family. Wondering why men followed them everywhere, even on trips to the store for eggs. Why his parents went to work but have never seen their office, only heard it referred to as “the warehouse.” Why everything was always so damm secretive. Scared if he accidentally let some enormous family secret slip with his big mouth there would be repercussions. Never not scared of the harm that could come to his family.

“Your father, is the leader of a very powerful mob. I am part of it too, not just as wife but as his partner. There will be day when he will longer be in position of boss and you will take over,” you asserted playing off of Tom’s words.

“Our family is not only the owners of one of the world’s richest exporting company, we also do business with casinos and own multiple hotel chains. Sometimes our work brings us above the law, but the connections we have are what keep us alive.” Tom explained trying to preserve his son’s innocence.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Parker stuttered.

“Because it is time. Time for you to step up and take your place in this family. You’ve had 16 years of juvenile fun and now this is what has to be done.” Tom concluded.

“What if I don’t want this life. You don’t think I don’t know what happens behind closed doors here. All the times dad has come home with a black eye or blood on his knuckles. Why fuck isn’t Rosie here? She is the same age as me, WE ARE TWINS! Why am I the only one who has to do this. I don’t want to kill for sport like you and mom!” Parker screamed. He couldn’t handle this anymore. There was too much information he had to process.

“Do not raise your voice at your mother! Tom screamed.

“Dad, I had dreams and hopes. I wanted to go to college and travel. Find a nice girl and marry her. Experience the kind of love you and mom have. What you are asking me to do, flushes all that away. You are asking me to give up on my life.

So that’s it, I don’t have a choice,” Parker begged.

“Baby, you have a choice. Nothing is set in stone,” you said rubbing his arm.

“Y/N, you damm well know what will happen if he turns this down,” Tom yelled.

“Maybe this life works for you two, but I don’t want this kind of life. My answer is no. Find someone else.”

“Parker, you know I can’t do that. Take a couple days and think about it” Tom answered trying to stay calm.

“NO DAD! My answer is final, I’m not going to be your apprentice to carry on this heinous family legacy!” Parker exploded. It was too much.

“If you aren’t willing to do what is asked of you, then you can forget about being in this family!” Tom screamed. He did exactly what he said he wouldn’t, he gave his son an ultimatum. Parker couldn’t handle it anymore and left. Needing to forget about the fact he no longer had a say. He was stuck.

It was just Tom and you sitting in the study. They couldn’t understand where the conversation had gone. All their hopes for tonight went out the window along with potted plant Tom threw when Parker stormed out.

“Tom, you can’t force him. You can’t do what your father did to you to him.” You tried to say in a loving tone but it came out as stern.

“IM NOT, Y/N!!!” Tom screamed. He had fucked up. The words spoken tonight have rewritten his relationship with his son.

“Alright.” You whispered trying to calm your fuming husband down.

“I’m sorry I raised my voice, baby.” Tom’s tone immediately changed once he heard the softness of your voice. You just nodded in response

“Tommy?” You asked hoping Tom was now ok.

“Yes, love” Tom said.

“He’ll come around. I can promise you that.”

“I know, darling. That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what?” a look of confusion grew on your face.

He handed you a paper, the same one that was found on Daniel’s body, saying “Eclipsing of the Hollands. Let the show begin. Better watch your back.”

It was threat. A play to eventually be made on his life or the life of his family and you all had no idea who was behind it.

Guns, Glamour, and Goodfellas Series Masterlist

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland series #tom holland fanfic #tom holland mob au #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #Dad!Mob!Tom Holland #Mob!Tom #mobster #Mob!tom holland x reader #mob!tom x reader

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wholesomemendes · 4 years

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Summary: You’re a junior in college who spends almost all of your time stuck in either your dorm room or the library until you’re forced to go to a frat party where you meet Shawn, who immediately changes your whole college experience.

Author’s Note: I’m backkkkkk. I am so so excited about this one. This was based off a request I got in like May or something like that basically so insanely long ago and I never got to it because I knew it was going to be long. I kinda went off track with the request too a little bit, but I hope you love it as much as I do. It’s my baby so please be kind (also it’s my birthday so please don’t hurt my feelings too much lol). As always, I love hearing any type of feedback and I love you all x

Word Count: 12.2k

The door of your dorm room slammed open as your roommate rushed inside, frantically throwing her bag onto her bed and rummaging through her closet. You peered over the top of your laptop where you were busy editing an essay you had just finished for a class, watching her distressed state with curious eyes. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Natalie asked almost breathlessly, settling on a silk, light pink top with a plunging v-neck and a short black skirt.

“Why are you rushing so much? Where are you going?”

You would’ve thought you had grown three heads by the way she looked at you and the way she rolled her eyes when she noticed you were being dead serious made you slightly cave in on yourself in disappointment. “How do you not know what’s going on tonight? Sigma Alpha Epsilon is throwing another one of their huge parties, it’s all everyone has been talking about for the past two weeks.”

“I don’t know, must’ve just gone over my head,” you mumbled, feeling a little self-conscious about your lack of knowledge on what was going on in the social life of your campus. Ninety-nine percent of the time your head was stuck in a book or hunched over your laptop doing homework in the library so it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that this party was nowhere on your radar.

“Well now you know, so you’re going with me. Chop chop you’ve got to get dressed.”

“HA, you think I’m going to a party?”

She raised an eyebrow at you, silently challenging you to disagree with her, “Um, yes you are. Connor invited me which means I’m inviting you because he invites like 20 girls and I don’t want to be stuck alone all night.”

“You’re not going to be alone all night,” you sighed, closing your laptop before swinging your legs off the side of the bed, “You’re popular enough on campus that you’ll be able to find someone to hang out there with if I’m not there.”

“I know, but it’d be more fun if you were there with me. Pleaseeeeeee.” Natalie pulled out her best puppy dog eyes on you, her bottom lip jutting out to make her face look more innocent, “I’ll even do your makeup and hair for you….and you can borrow some of my clothes!”

“What, are my clothes not good enough or something?”

“They are! They’re just a little too, what’s the word I’m looking for, conservative for a party. You need something a little bit scandalous, you know? Gotta give the boys a little something something.” She wiggled her eyebrows at you before letting out a huff of annoyance and getting up to grab your hand to pull you off of the bed, “Come on, no excuses. Let’s get you ready for tonight.”

__________________________

This wasn’t your scene. Natalie had left you to go play beer pong about thirty minutes after you stepped foot into the loud, alcohol-stenched frat house, but you soon lost sight of her when Connor whisked her away after their team won against two other frat boys to what you could only assume would be his bedroom. You didn’t mind that she left you, you’d rather have one of you enjoying yourself then have her be miserable trying to entertain you. The tight shirt and skirt Natalie forced you into didn’t seem like such a bad idea when you were staring at yourself in the mirror of your dorm (to be honest the way she did your hair and makeup gave you a newfound confidence you hadn’t had in years), but now as you stood in the corner of the kitchen quietly nursing your drink while your eyes scanned the crowd of sweaty college students, you couldn’t feel more insecure and self-conscious. Your arms wrapped around your center, desperately trying to cover up what little skin was to be seen and you wished that Natalie would come down those stairs any second to go back to your dorm with you. You were so lost in your thoughts you hardly noticed the stench of beer get stronger around you or the heat of another body on your shoulder until the unknown person was up against you. “Hey,” the boy who you recognized from one of your writing classes and were pretty sure was a part of another fraternity on campus slurred, “You wanna come dance with me, sexy?”

“Um, no I’m ok, thanks though.” You tried to turn and walk away from him, but were stopped abruptly by his hand gripping your wrist and pulling you closer to him again.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” he breathed into your ear, hot breath fanning across your face in the process making you cringe inward on yourself, “I’d love to feel that ass of yours up against me.”

“I said no, I don’t want to dance with you.” You could feel the panic rising in your throat, causing your words to come out broken and weak, and you desperately wished someone would see the fear in your eyes and come help you. His grip on you tightened the more you resisted and in that moment you wished you had never been stupid enough to listen to Natale about how fun this party was going to be.

“And I said you should come dance with me. So why don’t you-” HIs hand was pried off your wrist in seconds and you rubbed the spot where it had left, holding it close to your chest in fear.

“I think she already said no, buddy.” Your savior came in the form of a curly, brown haired boy that stood at least a couple inches over your unwanted dance partner. A scowl was evident on his face, his brown eyes hard and dark, “Now you should probably get out before I ban you from ever stepping foot in this place again.” The other boy left, but not before rudely shoulder checking the person you believed was your hero, which only earned him a scoff in return. “God, can’t stand people like that. They have no common decency for anyone.” He made eye contact with you for the first time that night and your heart skipped a beat, your body feeling somewhat small compared to his tall height. He saw the fearful look in your eyes and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder before looking you up and down for any signs of damage from the previous encounter, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I am now that you saved me,” you mumbled slightly, lowering your gaze to your cup in order to avoid his worried look, “Thank you, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t stepped in.”

“Well I’m glad I could help. I’m Shawn, by the way, I don’t think we’ve ever met.” Sticking his hand out for you to shake, he gave you a dazzling smile and you immediately recognized him as the president of the fraternity, the one your roommate was constantly talking about trying to get into his pants. Seeing him up close for the first time, you couldn’t help but understand why all the girls wanted to get with him and why a lot of those girls did get with him. There was a blue bandana wrapped around his head pushing back the beautiful curls that adorned his head and his chiseled jaw and bright eyes entranced you, making it hard to look away. His black t-shirt was frayed at the top near the buttons, allowing his few chest hairs to peak out, and his muscles practically bulged out of the short sleeves. You noticed a few tattoos along his arms, one being the one all of the hockey players got after they won their championship, as you shook his hand, but his strong grip broke you out of your thoughts and forced you to look at him again.

“I’m Y/n.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Do you need another drink? I know where all of the good alcohol is if you want it,” he winked at you, a smug smirk on his lips as he held his hand up to his face as if he was telling you something top secret.

You looked at the almost empty beer in your hand sadly, but the thought of getting another drink absolutely disgusted you at the moment, “No thank you. I think I’m going to head out actually, I’m a little shaken up to be honest.”

“Don’t go because of that!” Shawn’s voice sounded rushed as if he desperately wanted you to stay, though you pushed the thought aside, knowing that he couldn’t care less about what you did. “If you want you can stay by me for the rest of the night or if you came with someone you can always use my name, I’ve learned it can get you a long way sometimes.”

Your eyes met his once again and you tried to push the butterflies that you were feeling down your throat. “I’m just here with my roommate, but I think she went up with one of your friends,” you admitted bashfully, rubbing your hand up and down your arm nervously, “I haven’t seen her in awhile. Parties aren’t exactly my thing, I’m only here because she forced me to come, so I think I’m just going to text her and then head out.”

“You’re going to walk home alone? Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t have any better ones right now.”

“Easy. I’ll walk you home.” He leaned against one of the walls comfortably as he spoke, a large smile on his face the entire time. There wasn’t a look of regret on his face, but you still questioned his motives. Why would he want to go out of his way to make sure you got home safe? Was he just trying to get you in bed with him? But if he was then why was he so adamant about getting that guy off of you?

“Don’t worry about it Shawn, really, I’ll be ok.”

“It’s either that or you’re staying in my room tonight so you don’t have to walk home alone.” There was a confident look in his eyes and he knew he had you beat, causing you to roll your eyes before walking past him towards the door.

His eyes followed you curiously as you walked away, watching as you turned around and beckoned him forward, “Come on then, I want to be asleep before 4,” leaving him to trail behind you like a puppy at your feet. __________________________

The two of you walked to your dorms in a mix of comfortable silence and easy conversation that sparked in the 10 minutes it took to get you home. It was surprising how little awkward tension there was for two people on completely different sides of the spectrum who had never met before today, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You learned he was majoring in music, something that his parents weren’t one hundred percent confident with, though they still supported him nonetheless he assured you, and that he had been playing hockey since he was 6. The moment you got to the door of your building you stopped, ready to thank him for walking with you and move on with the rest of your night, preferably reading your essay one more time before heading to bed, but Shawn had other plans. “Why’d you stop? Did you forget your key or something?”

“No,” you looked at him with furrowed brows, “I think I can walk up to my dorm myself.”

He crossed his arms defensively with a stern look on his face, “Oh I get it, you don’t want me to know which room you’re in. I saved you from some creep and you still think I’m just like him don’t you."

“It’s not that, I just don’t feel comfortable bringing you up to my dorm after we just met.”

“Which is a big deal because…”

“Isn’t me saying that it makes me uncomfortable enough of a reason?” you asked him, mimicking his position as a tiny bit of anger grew inside of you.

Shawn scoffed, rolling his eyes at your words, “Honey, if I wanted to get you in my bed, you’d already be in there by now. There’s no reason to worry about me doing anything to you if you let me walk you up there.”

“Excuse me? Just because you’ve gotten with the entire cheerleading team…”

“Not true...”

“And at least half of the sorority girls…”

“Half is pushing it a little bit…”

“Doesn’t mean that you’d be able to get with me. I don’t have time for a relationship right now and I don’t do random hookups, thank you very much. So thank you for saving me at the party and thank you for walking me home, but that will be all. Good night, Shawn.” With that you turned on your heels, using your key card before slamming the door in his face and heading up the stairs to your dorm. You couldn’t believe it. Right when you thought you were forming a type of friendship or a least mutual respect for someone that wasn’t your roommate it all fell apart like it always did. What were you thinking when Shawn Mendes was the definition of a frat boy? Why would he want to be friends with someone like you? You couldn’t even lie and say that it didn’t hurt a little when he said he would’ve already tried to get you in bed if he wanted to. Were you really that ugly that the boy who practically got with any female that wanted to didn’t want to get with you? Not that you would sleep with him if he had asked you, you did have an unspoken rule with yourself that you didn’t want to do hookups in college, but at least knowing that he found you attractive would have given you a slight confidence boost. You already hated how you had never been asked out by the boys in college, even though you weren’t exactly looking for a guy or putting yourself out there to be asked on a date, and how every girl seemed to sneer at you when you walked past. So that night you cuddled yourself under the covers, vowing to never step foot in another frat house again no matter how much Natalie begged. __________________________

“What are you doing tonight?” Natalie launched herself onto your bed, causing you to let out a groan when she landed on you.

You pushed her off of you while she laughed, making you roll your eyes, “Probably just binge watching some Netflix honestly. Why?”

“Really? That wasn’t what I thought you’d say at all.”

“What’d you think I was going to say?” you laughed as she sat up and leaned against your wall.

“Oh, something along the lines of ‘I have to study for a test that I’ve already taken and rewrite my essay for the thirtieth time’”, she said in a high pitched voice you soon realized was her impression of you.

“Hey, I do not sound like that! And besides, laugh all you want about it, but I’m at the top of the class so I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m just surprised you’re giving yourself a break.”

“I am,” you told her with a smile, “I have no homework to finish tonight or tests coming up or essays that need to be turned in, so I’m finally letting myself have a night off.”

“Or…”

You raised an eyebrow at her, “Or what.”

“Or you could come to the hockey game tonight with me so I’m not alone.”

“Oh hell no, Nat, I’m not doing this again.” You grabbed your laptop off of your side table, already ready to pop open your tv series for the night.

“What do you mean you’re not doing this again? It’ll be fun!”

“Last time you convinced me to go somewhere I almost got harassed by a drunk frat boy and then I got into an argument with another frat boy while you were busy hooking up with a different one.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad,” she scoffed, climbing off the bed, “Besides, you’ve never been to a hockey game before and you’re a junior. No offense, but do you know how pathetic that sounds. Our school is literally known for hockey! Just once and then I’ll never ask you to go again.” You gave her a stern look, one that threatened her to ask again, but when she flashed her eyes at you, you immediately gave in, rolling your eyes at yourself and already hating yourself for agreeing.

“Fine, but you can’t leave my side the entire night.”

“I promise I won’t! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She brought you into a bone crushing hug before releasing you in favor of searching through her closet for something for the both of you to wear. __________________________

You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t enjoying yourself a little bit. Opposed to last time Natalie was still sitting by your side and you had managed to convince her to let you wear one of your school hoodies and a pair of leggings to keep warm instead of the (as she phrased it) ‘hot ass’ outfit she had picked out for you. It was the final 10 minutes of the game and your team was ahead by four points, something everyone had been assured was an easy win from the start. Still, you could tell why everyone liked going to the games, it was energetic and loud and everything you thought a college game would be, but not as overwhelming. Even though Natalie had decided to sit next to Connor and they were relentlessly flirting and managing to have physical contact with one another the entire time, you were so focused on the game that it wasn’t bothering you as much as you imagined it would when you first sat down. You were entranced by the way the players skated across the ice, your eyes immediately drawing to one player in particular that seemed so comfortable on the ice. The moment you saw the back of his jersey though, MENDES written in bright white lettering, your heart dropped a little bit, not wanting to watch him as much as you were. Though it was hard not to when there was a clear reason he was made captain, so you were left to shamelessly follow his fast, steady movements across the ice.

The game soon ended with a win as expected and you were forced to follow Natalie and Connor deeper into the crowd of students to congratulate the team after they came out of their locker room. The crowd was cheering, adrenaline pumping through the air as you walked down the halls until you reached a large open space. Not long after all of the boys were making their way out, Shawn leading the pack like a true captain. A large portion of the girls (mostly puck bunnies or sorority girls or even some that just wanted some attention from the star himself) immediately crowded along Shawn and you could tell by the look on his face that he was enjoying every last second of it. His eyes scanned the crowd for a brief moment before landing on yours and you swore you could see his smile falter until it became even brighter than before. He excused himself from the hoard of girls as he headed your way, making your heart stop. Was he really coming to see you? What were you going to say? “Good job”? No, you don’t want to congratulate him, he was rude to you the other night. Don’t let him know how you couldn’t stop watching him the entire game, he doesn’t need another boost to his already huge ego. Is he gonna say something first? What if he…

“Hey man, how’d it look from the crowd?” Shawn asked as he bro-hugged Connor. Your heart dropped. Of course he was coming over here to talk to one of his best friends, why would you think he was coming for you? But you could’ve sworn the two of you had made eye contact. Were you really that stupid?

“Great as always, they were easy today anyways.”

“Yeah we went a little easy on them. Last time we absolutely creamed them and then I got threats from their team about how ‘we were gonna pay for embarrassing them like that,’” Shawn scoffed, “Like we were the ones who embarrassed them.” He turned his head, sending a bright smile your way before finally acknowledging you for the first time tonight, “I’ve never seen you at a game before, do you always leave right after it ends?”

You cleared your throat awkwardly, wondering if you should just lie or admit how antisocial you truly were, “No, um this is actually my first hockey game.” Ok, admitting how antisocial you are it is.

“Your first hockey game? What year are you?”

“I’m a junior…”

“You’re a junior and this is your first hockey game?”

“Oh calm down, it’s not that big of a deal,” Natalie chimed in, sensing your discomfort at the situation at hand.

“Wait, don’t tell me.” Shawn rubbed his forehead as if he was thinking before snapping his fingers in Natalie’s direction, “You must be Natalie, right? Y/n was telling me all about you the other night.”

“The other night?”

“Yeah, I walked her home after the party last week. She didn’t tell you?”

Her eyes went wide, looking in your direction with her mouth hanging open while you caved in on yourself, “No, she failed to mention that you were the one to walk her home.”

“Damn, you were that ashamed of me, eh?” Shawn let out a light chuckle before slinging an arm around you to pull you closer to him.

“Wasn’t exactly my proudest moment,” you mumbled, trying your hardest not to lean into his body that seemed so tempting. You didn’t know what body wash he used in his shower, the shower was evident by the slightly wet hair on his head that made him look absolutely breathtaking, but it was extremely inviting and you wanted nothing more than to snuggle your head into his chest and breathe it through your senses.

“Anyways, are you two coming to the party tonight?”

“I mean…” Natalie started, but you cut her off immediately.

“No, we’re heading back after this,” you gave a pointed look in her direction, “Right, Nat?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh come on, don’t be such a party pooper Y/n,” Shawn whined, ruffling your hair and laughing as you swatted his arm away.

“I’m not a party pooper, I’m just,” you stuttered for a second trying to find a decent excuse, “Just not quite dressed appropriately for a party, don’t you think?”

“Nonsense, I think you look great. But if it’s that big of a deal you can borrow my practice jersey and you’ll be all set.” Before you could protest Shawn was already reaching down into his duffle bag and producing a bright blue jersey with his name on the back. It was clear that this wasn’t just some jersey you’d buy in the school spirit shop, it looked as professional as it could, except the different design and tattered edges showed that it was made for practice.

“I’m not putting that on.”

“Why not? I promise it doesn’t smell and besides, don’t you want to let Nat have some fun?” He waved the jersey in front of you with a teasing smile on your face, causing you to roll your eyes before you snatched it out of his grip and pulled it over your sweatshirt. “That’s what I thought,” Shawn smirked as he put his arm back around your shoulders, “Now come on, I’ll drive, Y/n can be shot gun.” __________________________

No more than ten minutes later you were parked back at the same frat house you had been at the week prior and the mere thought of it made you sick. However, you didn’t know how much longer you could stay in Shawn’s jeep where he was stealing glances at you every five seconds and trying to annoy you in every way possible. He’d find every way possible to try and touch you in some way, whether it was a poke in the face or moving a strand of hair behind your ear, and constantly make comments that you wanted to laugh at, but wouldn’t be caught dead showing him that. So the second he parked you were already out of the car, breathing in a deep breath of clean air to make sure the scent of Shawn that was so heavy in his jeep would leave your senses. “Wow, was the drive that bad that you’re so eager to leave?”

You were praying with every ounce of your body that Shawn couldn’t see the blush on your face when he made eye contact on with you that teasing smile on his face, but the way Natalie snickered as she got out of the back of the jeep told you that she definitely knew. “No, I just get claustrophobic easily, that’s all.”

“Mhm.” Shawn looked at you, obviously not believing your excuse, but still motioning you towards the front door nonetheless. There was already a fair amount of people inside, at least enough to make you cringe at the thought of being there. Shawn had a light hold on your arm before leaning into your ear to make sure that you heard him, “I’m going to go get us some drinks. What do you want?”

“I don’t care, you can pick. Just please no shots of anything.”

“Ok, I’ll be back.”

Natalie and Connor were already god knows where, so you were left standing in the main foyer of the frat house, holding your arms around yourself while you looked around awkwardly, waiting for Shawn to return. You felt the familiar feeling of nervousness creeping up your throat and you forced yourself to focus on the smell of Shawn’s jersey and how warm it felt around you as a way to calm your rapid beating heart. He had only been gone a few minutes before someone else was approaching you, making your heart drop when you remembered what went down the last time you were here. “Hey, you wanna come dance with me?”

Hearing those words made you want to throw up, but you tried to keep your head up and your gaze unbothered while you prayed for Shawn to come back. “No thank you.”

“Well, can I go get you a drink then?”

“No, someone’s already…”

The feeling of an arm wrapping around you caused you to freeze until your nose caught onto the scent you had been unintentionally enjoying all night and you allowed yourself to relax into him. “I already got it for her. I think she’s all set, buddy.” The other guy got the hint quickly and backed away into the crowd until he was no more than a mere drop in a pool of people. “Damn, can’t even leave you alone for two seconds before you got some guy hitting on you,” Shawn laughed, but quickly stopped once he noticed the terrified look on your face. “Hey,” he placed a hand on your face to bring your eyes to his, “Did he touch you? Or hurt you?”

“No, no he didn’t, I’m still just a little shaken up from last time I guess,” you mumbled, bringing your gaze down to where your hands were engulfed in the fabric of your sweatshirt, “I’m sorry you have to keep saving me.”

“That’s understandable, it’s never a pleasant experience. And you never need to thank me, it’s just common decency.” You refused to meet his eyes again, but you heard his sigh before he gently grabbed your hand in his and handed you your drink. Your heart fluttered when he took your other hand in his grasp, the feeling of his rough calluses overwhelming your senses. “What do you say we go dance? Get your mind off of things for a little bit, let loose.”

“I don’t know Shawn, I’m not the greatest dancer…”

“You don’t have to be. I promise it will be fun.”

You knew there was a ninety-nine percent chance that you were going to embarrass yourself completely in front of him, but the way he was staring at you like it would break his heart if you said no made up your mind for you in a second. “Ok, let’s go.”

A wide smile broke out on Shawn’s face before he dragged you into the crowd, finding a spot he deemed fit for the two of you to dance in. It started out with just a simple step touch as you started to feel the rhythm of the music and allow yourself to relax as much as possible while sipping on the drink he got you. He tried to make small talk with you even over the loud music, resulting in him having to brush his lips against your ear as he spoke to you. Your heart fluttered with each movement and the alcohol you were consuming wasn’t making it any easier when he’d laugh at something you said, his bright brown eyes crinkling from his cheeks. As the night got longer and your cup became emptier, the distance between the two of you became smaller and smaller until your chest was pressed right against his. His free hand came up to naturally grasp your waist, but not in a way that made you uncomfortable. On the contrary, it made your stomach do flips that you couldn’t control even if you wanted to. His face was getting close, too close for your muddled brain to do anything rational about it. You didn’t know exactly what was put in the drink (it was delicious though and you knew he would tell you if you asked), but as a light weight you were definitely feeling the effects of it, so just as his nose touched the tip of yours you pulled away, muttering in his ear about how you had to use the bathroom before running off away from the crowd.

After winding through the halls of the house and passing multiple people making out against the walls, you finally reached the bathroom where you shut the door in a hurry, allowing yourself to take a deep breath as you leaned against the counter. Your eyes lifted up to stare at your reflection in the mirror, your brain struggling to process what had just happened. Was he going to kiss you? Was this his plan all along, to get you comfortable enough around him to have you wrapped around his finger? No, that couldn’t have been it. He was so easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say and what you were doing. He wouldn’t do that just to get with you, would he? Your thoughts are interrupted by a series of knocks on the door, followed by a worried voice, “Y/n? Are you ok in there?”

“Yeah! I’ll, um, I’ll be right out!” You splashed some water onto your face in an effort to calm yourself down to a degree before opening the door to be met with Shawn’s concerned face.

“I’m sorry if I rushed you. You just ran out of there so quick I was worried something happened.”

Your heart swelled at how much he seemed to care about you and you willed the heat to leave your face, “No, I’m ok. I did feel a little crowded in there, but I’m ok now, thanks.”

“Yeah, of course. What do you say we go to the kitchen for a little bit to talk in there? It usually isn’t too crowded this far into the party.” You allowed him to take your hand and lead you into the kitchen where, like he said, was completely empty besides a few people every now and then that would come to refill their glass. Most of the alcohol had been moved into various places of the house so there was no fear of a bunch of hammered students coming in and ruining the place. There was a comforting silence between the two of you for a moment, the only sound being the music that could be heard from the main room as you both leaned against the counter next to one another. “I’m glad you came to the game tonight,” Shawn broke the silence, looking at you with a sincere look in his eye, “And thanks for letting me drag you to this party.”

“I don’t think I could’ve said no to the party, you’re pretty convincing,” you admitted, downing the last sip of your drink, “You were really good tonight, too. I never told you earlier, but I couldn’t stop watching you as you played. It’s obvious why you were chosen as captain.”

Shawn let out a nervous chuckle, his own cheeks showing a hint of pink to them, “Thanks, it means a lot. Do you want another drink?”

“No, I’m ok. I get drunk easily so I think I should stop before it gets worse.” You easily learned that you were an extremely honest drunk and if the words you were saying to Shawn were any indicator, you definitely shouldn’t drink anything more.

“That’s a shame, I have a feeling that you’re fun when you’re absolutely plastered.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, you’re already fun as it is, but it takes a while for you to open up. I think I’d get to see you at your fullest, you know what I mean? But that’s just off of my first couple impressions of you, so what do I know.” He finished off his statement by grabbing a beer from the fridge, returning to a spot much closer to you, so close that your shoulders were right up against one another. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“No, I’m very comfortable around you,” you whispered, eyes falling down to his smooth, red lips.

He caught the motion of your eyes and let his do the same, his face coming just that extra inch closer to yours, “Do you think it would be ok if…”

“Y/n! We’re going home!” Natalie came barging into the kitchen, grabbing your arm and dragging you to the door.

“What? What’s going on?” you asked her, trying to tug your arm away, but her grip was strong and she was dead set on ordering an uber to get out of here as soon as possible.

“I’ll tell you when we get back.”

Your heart dropped as you looked at Shawn who looked just as confused and saddened as you. “Bye Shawn, thanks for bringing us.”

“Wait,” he muttered to himself, running towards the door before Natalie could get you out of it, “Give me your phone really quick.”

“Why?”

“Just trust me.” You unlocked your phone for him and watched as he added his number into your messages, even including a silly picture of him as his contact photo that you knew you’d be laughing at later. “Text me when you’re back at your dorm, eh? Wanna make sure you get home safe.”

Looking into his eyes you saw a completely different man than the one you had yelled at on the first night you met. This one seemed vulnerable as he stared at you, as though he was putting himself bare in front of you and showing you the real him. You nodded your head, taking your phone from his hand before Natalie was pulling you towards the uber. “I promise I’ll text you.”

“Bye Y/n.” __________________________

“What was that for?!” you demanded, staring down your roommate as she fell onto her bed.

“Connor and I got into a fight.”

“I didn’t know the two of you were dating.”

“That’s the thing...we’re not.” She sighed, propping herself up against the wall, “See the thing is...we’re talking I guess, but it’s not exclusive. It’s more like a ‘talking’ so we can hook up if we want to sort of thing.”

“So what does that have to do with you dragging me out of the party.”

“Well I was making out with Tim…”

“Why were you making out with Tim?”

“Because he’s hot and I’m drunk so it was a great idea. That was until Connor saw and got all pissed because apparently I’m not allowed to do that, but he’s all over girls all the time still so I don’t see the big deal! And because I’m so drunk I was over fighting with him for the night and I’m mad so therefore we had to leave.”

“Great,” you muttered, “I was finally having a good time at a party and then you and your hook up had to mess it up.”

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I truly am. If there was a way to make it up to you I’d do it. But preferably when I’m sober.”

“It’s fine, it’s not that big of a deal anyways,” you mumbled before you began to change into some more comfortable clothes for the night. You noticed you were still wearing Shawn’s jersey that you would ultimately have to give him back for the game, but you couldn’t help but think that you could worry about getting it to him tomorrow and maybe that would be your chance to make up for the time you lost tonight. __________________________

The light streamed in through the window of your dorm and you groaned, pushing yourself out of bed to turn off your alarm. You sighed to yourself as you got yourself up and moving for the day, even going as far as making sure that Natalie was still alive and breathing after she came home late last night from a bar before grabbing your bag to head to class. You hated your 8am class, but it was the only slot available that worked with your schedule so you simply had to man up and accept your fate. You were about halfway to your class when you heard a distant voice call out to you and you whipped your head around to meet a smiling curly haired boy running your way. “Y/n, hey,” Shawn smiled at you after finally catching up to you, “Long time no see.”

“Hey, Shawn, how have you been?” You hadn’t seen him since you had dropped his practice jersey off at the doorstep of the frat a few weeks back, but you couldn’t lie and say a part of you was hoping that you’d run into him again.

“Good, miss seeing you at the hockey games though.”

His comment made you blush and you brought your gaze to the floor so he couldn’t see your heated cheeks. “I never really went before so I wasn’t exactly planning on going anytime soon again.”

“You didn’t have a good time?” he asked with a feigned offense, big puppy dog eyes on display as he walked next to you.

“I promise I did, I just prefer to stay in my dorm and study if we’re being honest.”

“I understand,” he nodded thoughtfully, “So where are you headed?”

“English Literature, how about you?”

“Calculus, which if we’re being honest here is not my strong suit. If I don’t get at least a B on this next test they could pull me from the game. I swear I’m not dumb, I just don’t get it I guess.”

“Well, I don’t know if it means anything to you, but I had an A in that class last semester. I could help you out if you want.”

“You’d do that for me?” he asked with wide eyes, bringing you both to a halt in front of your lecture hall. “Of course I would, when’s your test?”

“Next Tuesday, could we meet on Thursday after practice?”

“Sounds perfect. Just text me the time and place.”

“I owe you a bunch.” Shawn leaned in to press a kiss to the top of your temple that left your heart fluttering before making his way over to his own class. __________________________

Thursday felt like it would never come, but there you were sitting alone inside the library at eight thirty at night, waiting for Shawn to arrive from his practice. A million thoughts were swirling through your head the longer you waited and you desperately wished he would show up to give you a distraction from your mind. You were constantly worried that he wouldn’t show up, had planned on ditching you from the start as some kind of sick joke, but that fear was diminished when he stumbled through the doors. “I’m sorry I’m late,” he breathed out, “Practice went later than expected.” A series of students shushed him for being too loud, causing a sheepish expression to grace his face, “Sorry.”

He sat his bag down next to you, sliding in close enough that you would be able to see what the other was doing while still maintaining a safe distance. “Sooo,” you broke the silence as he got his books out, “What do you want to start with?”

The rest of the time was spent discussing Shawn’s upcoming test and explaining what each concept was to the best of your ability. You could tell that he was smart, he just needed a little bit of help, so he was very easy to work with. Besides how hard it was for you to concentrate around him that was. Whenever he leaned in to peer over your work a little more, your heart beat increased rapidly and you held your breath until he moved away again. You couldn’t tell if he was aware of your behaviors, but he seemed extremely unfazed, always dazzling you a bright smile after something made sense to him. It was adorable to you when his eyes would furrow a little bit while he was working and the proud glow on his face when he got a problem right.

Time seemed to go by quick with all the little jokes he was making and soon enough it was eleven at night and the library was beginning to close down. “Guess we should be heading out then,” Shawn laughed, “Unless you plan on sleeping in here tonight.”

“No, not exactly. Was kind of looking forward to my bed if I’m being honest.” A chuckle of your own escaped your lips as you packed up your bag alongside him.

“Did you drive here?”

“No, my car isn’t on campus. I just walked.”

“Well I hope you weren’t planning on walking back too.”

“What other choice do I have?”

Shawn raised an eyebrow at you, “Seriously? You’re going to ask that when I’m literally right here.”

“I’m not going to ask you to drive me home, Shawn.”

“Good thing you’re not asking me, I’m telling you. Now come on, my jeep is right out here.” You didn’t protest this time, knowing he wouldn’t back down from his offer, and instead followed him out to that black jeep you vividly remember from your last trip in it.

The ride back to your dorm was significantly quieter than what your previous encounters with Shawn had been besides the quiet music playing in the background. By the time he had pulled in front of your building, there were hardly any cars to be seen around and all of the students were already inside. Shawn turned his body to face you, “Thanks for the help tonight, I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure. Good luck on your test next week, I know you’ll do great, but you can still text me if you want to meet up again.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He gave you a kind smile when you thanked him for the ride before you opened the door to the brisk night air. “Y/n wait…”

“What?”

“I know you’re not really into parties but…,” his words trailed off as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “There’s this movie night thing at the frat Saturday night and all of the guys are expected to bring a date. Do you maybe wanna come with me?”

You looked at him with wide eyes, “You want me to be your date?”

“Yeah, if you want to be.” Even in the darkness you could see the way his cheeks reddened and he failed to look you in the eye.

“I’d love to go,” you told him truthfully and you couldn’t help but smile with him when his face lit up at your words.

“Really?! That’s, that’s great! You’re supposed to wear your pajamas by the way so I hope that’s ok with you.”

“Perfectly fine with me. Just text me the time later.”

“I will. Bye, Y/n.”

“Bye, Shawn.” He watched you walk into your building with a giddy smile on his face before he drove back to his frat for a sleep that he hoped included dreams of you. __________________________

“What are you getting all dolled up for?”

You look over from where you’re doing your hair to see Natalie laying on her bed staring at you with curious eyes. “I’m going to movie night with Shawn.”

“You’re going to movie night with Shawn?!” Natalie exclaimed, her eyes practically bursting out of her head.

“Yeah, he asked me to go with him as his date.” You tried to keep your calm in front of her and not show how excited you truly were, but your smile was fighting to break free on your face.

“Is he picking you up?”

“No, I’m probably just going to walk or maybe get an uber.”

“Walk? Honey, no. Connor is picking me up, I’ll just text him and ask if he can drive you, too.”

“You don’t need to do that…”

“Nonsense, there’s no reason for you to walk when I’m literally driving to the same place.” Natalie quickly grabbed her phone to text something to Connor before getting up out of bed to walk over and fluff your finally curled hair.

“What’s going on with you and Connor anyways?”

“Oh, we’re just friends with benefits for now,” Natalie said dreamly, her hands separating your curls to make them more natural as she spoke, “But we decided that we’re going to be exclusive. No more arguments about that I guess.” You nodded your head thoughtfully, carefully examining your appearance in the mirror. “Why are you getting ready so early? We don’t have to leave for another two hours.”

“I know, but I thought you’d have to use the curler and mirror, too, so I figured I’d get done early so you could have enough room to do everything.”

“You’re the sweetest ever,” she told you, kissing the top of your head making you scrunch your nose. “Do you want me to do your makeup for you?”

“I’m not sure, I just want to do something natural.” You examined your face with much criticism, trying to decide what you wanted to do to hopefully make you look more appealing to Shawn. You didn’t just think that did you? You’re not really trying to impress Shawn tonight, right? The butterflies in your stomach told you otherwise and you cursed yourself for the thoughts that were taking over your head.

“I can do that,” Nat responded quickly, “Easy. Now what I’m concerned about is what you’re wearing tonight.”

“I was planning on wearing some sweatpants and a tank top or maybe one of my patching pajama tops and bottoms. I wasn’t sure yet.”

“See this is where we’re going to have an issue. Don’t you want to wear something a bit more revealing? Want to impress Shawn a little bit? I have a slip you can borrow if you want or…”

“No, I’m all set, I just want to be comfortable. I appreciate the concern, but you know it’s not me to wear something like that out in public. It makes me uneasy.”

“I know, I know. Let’s just focus on getting your makeup looking absolutely perfect just like you.” __________________________

Connor pulled up to the frat house before unlocking the car door for you and slinging an arm around Natalie’s seat to look back at you, “Why don’t you go in and meet up with Shawn, we’ll be in in one second.” You gave him a forced smile and a small thank you as Natalie giggled and you rolled your eyes the second you got out, happy to finally be away from their never ending teasing of one another. You made your way up to the door of the frat and knocked loud enough to be heard, transferring your weight back and forth out of nervousness. The door opened not long after revealing your date for the night looking as cozy as ever in a pair of grey sweatpants and a cotton white t-shirt. His eyes subtly looked you up and down with a smile on his face. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you breathed out, letting yourself admire him the way he was you.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, you look extremely comfy and nice as well.”

“Why thank you, I like the plaid.” You looked down at your plaid sleep pants and tighter fitted grey long sleeve you had on top, your cheeks blushing red at his comment.

“I know I probably am not dressed up like a lot of the other girls, but I just wanted to be comfortable…”

“Stop it, I think you look amazing. Now come inside, I already have a spot for us.” You followed him through the frat house until you came into the kitchen that looked a little different now that it wasn’t filled to the brim with alcohol. “Do you want any hot chocolate? Or tea?”

“I’ll have hot chocolate please.”

“Good choice, good choice,” he chuckled, pouring some of the boiling water into two mugs. “You know, I’m kinda surprised Natalie didn’t force you to wear some form of lingerie like a lot of the girls are.”

“She tried to convince me to, but I didn’t want to. I’m just as surprised as you are though that she let me get away with this.”

“Well, I think it’s better that you came here comfortable rather than wearing any of that.” He handed you your cup, warning you of how hot it was. “Speaking of Natalie, where are her and Connor?”

“Still in the car, they kicked me out right when we got here.”

“Typical,” Shawn snorted before making his way into the living room with you trailing behind him. The room was already about half the way full with couples, if you could even call them that, and the room had a much cozier vibe than what you had previously seen it as. There were blankets everywhere and snacks piled up onto all of the tables. There were a few guys and girls that were obviously not too interested in their date and were mingling with other people instead and some that were extremely interested in their date to the point where it was almost obnoxious. “I got us the seat in the corner by the table. You can put your mug there if you want and those blankets that are there are ours, too. I’m just going to run to the bathroom quickly so you can wait there until I come back or you can go somewhere else.” He kissed your cheek lightly, leaving you with a heated face before he left you alone in the room. You swore you could feel the hard stares of the breathtaking girls around you and you sank yourself down into the couch, desperately wishing Shawn hadn’t left you here by yourself.

You sat there for almost ten minutes before you had decided that you were finished being the target for the judgemental looks and whispers from those around you, peeling yourself out of your spot before heading towards what you were praying was the bathrooms in hopes of running into Shawn on the way. Just as you rounded the corner you could faintly make out a female voice and you snuck your head around only to be met with a sight that made your heart drop. There she was, the drop dead gorgeous head cheerleader you knew had been in Shawn’s sheets multiple times before, with her hand on your date’s chest, that mischievous glint in her eyes that was laced with lust. Shawn’s hands were wrapped around her wrists and although you couldn’t hear their words, you couldn’t help but feel betrayed at the whole situation. Here you are, being made a fool of in front of all of these people who have always seemed to despise you from the start. You finally started letting your guard down for Shawn and what do you get in return? A stabbing pain in your heart. Tears began prickling in your eyes before you turned straight on your heels to head out of the frat without a second thought in your mind.

Just as you were about to reach the door, it opened for you, Natalie and Connor entering with giddy smiles on their faces. But at the sight of you, Natalie’s smile dropped, “Hun, what happened?”

“Nothing, I think I might head out.”

“What?” She made a signal to Connor so that he’d leave the two of you alone and he agreed, whispering something in her ear before moving past you. “Ok, now tell me what happened. You were so happy about coming tonight!” With tears threatening to fall down your face, you told her exactly what you saw from the moment you stepped into the house and before you knew it, you were encased in her arms, her hands rubbing comforting circles on your back. “I’m so sorry, baby. He doesn’t deserve you if he’s going to let her get away with that.”

“Am I stupid to be so affected by this?”

“No, that was a dick move on his part and you are allowed to feel upset about it. What we’re not going to do though is leave, you hear me? Two can play at this game.”

“What do you mean?”

“I meannn, let’s give him a taste of his own medicine. Come on, follow me.” She wiped underneath your eyes before leading you back into the living room towards the couch on the opposite side. Two guys you recognized from the frat were sitting there alone and when you noticed Natalie walking over to them confidently, your heart stopped.

“Nat, what are we doing?”

“Just trust me on this...Hey guys!” The two guys looked up at the sound of her voice, a heavy smirk on both of their lips. “You got any extra room for a little bit?”

“Be my guest,” the blonde one responded and Natalie wasted no time in pushing you to sit next to them.

You stumbled slightly onto the couch, but recovered quickly, sending a light wave to the guys, “Hi.”

They both greeted you back with a smile, leaving Natalie to be quite satisfied as she whispered in your ear, “Be back soon,” and then she was gone.

You weren’t close enough to the guys that it would be considered dangerous to you, but you were definitely closer than you would usually be with some strangers that you had literally just met. The conversation flowed easily between the three of you, not as easily as it did between you and Shawn though, and you found yourself constantly glancing towards the entryway in case he decided to make an appearance. Just as one of the frat members announced that the movie was starting in five minutes Shawn made his way into the living room, his eyes spotting you immediately. You could see his jaw clench from the corner of your eye and the way his eyes hardened was not easy to miss. This only made you up the antics a little more, with a hand moving to the shoulder of the guy closest to you before the sound of your name being called from across the room caught your attention, as well as everyone else’s in the room. You looked over to see Shawn staring at you coldly, his head nodding at the seat he had for you as a signal for you to come back. “Thanks for the seat boys, but I better be heading back,” you told them with a cheeky smile that they returned to you before heading over towards Shawn. You could feel the strong gaze of the other couples and you desperately wished that you could curl in on yourself and disappear. Once you were close enough to him he pulled you down harshly into his lap, wrapping his arms around you and whispering in your ear, “What the hell were you doing over there?”

You wriggled out of his arms, but still laid next to him, allowing him to bring the blanket up and over you with his arm around you. “I was making some new friends to keep me company since you were so busy with Vanessa when you were supposed to be just using the bathroom.”

“Fuck,” he said under his breath, “Listen, I don’t know what you saw, but…”

“I don’t want to hear it Shawn, I just want to watch the movie and leave.”

“No, I want you to listen to me because I can see how you might have taken this the wrong way.”

“Was there a right way to take it?” you whispered back angrily, feeling his arm tighten around you so that he could bring his mouth closer to your ear.

“Not from your point of view, but I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. I haven’t been answering her texts for the last two months and threatened to block her last week and she was all butthurt about it, saying that she wanted things to go back to when she could call me for a booty call whenever she felt like it. And I don’t want that anymore. I’ve got my eye on someone right now and I wouldn’t mess up my chance with her like that.”

“If you have your eye on someone then why didn’t you bring her tonight?”

“I did.” You looked up at him as the lights were turned off and you caught a glimpse of his eyes before he was facing the screen and pulling you closer to his chest. You snuggled into him and wrapped your arm around his body too, leaving the both of you with graceful smiles on your faces. __________________________

Of course the guys had picked a scary movie for the night, causing you to squeeze Shawn a little tighter at every jump scare. He didn’t mind though, it only gave him an excuse to pull you closer to him and press light, comforting kisses into your hair. Somewhere between the halfway point of the movie when you tucked your head into Shawn’s chest at a particularly frightening scene and the end of the movie, you found yourself dozing off, eventually falling into a light slumber cuddled up against him. The even beating of his heart lulled you to sleep until you felt him shaking you softly, whispering your name into your ear. “Hey, the movie’s over.”

“Oh,” you sat up and tried to comb back your slightly messed up hair, seeing the other couples retreat to their respective rooms, “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be, you look cute when you’re comfy.” His words caused your cheeks to heat up and you situated yourself to try and hide your face from him. “Are you ready to go back to sleep?”

“Yeah, I should probably head out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m ready to fall back asleep...which means that I need to go home so I can go to sleep in my bed.” You looked back at him with furrowed brows that matched his.

“Y/n, it’s two in the morning, why don’t you just stay here. No one else is leaving.”

“You don’t have a spare room though…”

“You can sleep in my room, I’ll sleep on the floor if you feel too uncomfortable.”

“No Shawn, I’m not kicking you out of your own bed. If you’re so adamant about me staying then we might as well share it.”

“Are you sure you’re ok with that?”

“I’m a big girl, Shawn, I think I can handle sleeping in a bed with you for one night.”

Shawn let out a laugh that was music to your ears before extending a hand to you that you gladly accepted. His hand engulfed yours perfectly and you stumbled as he pulled you up off the couch because you were too busy trying to memorize the feeling of his hand in yours. “Careful there, honey,” his sweet voice drawed out, “You’re even more tired than I thought. Can hardly stand on two feet.” He escorted you hand in hand to his bedroom, which was much cleaner than you would have imagined. There were a couple guitars on stands, a piano in the corner, some hockey gear half stuffed into a bag on the floor, all things that perfectly described Shawn to you. He slid into his bed, adjusting himself under the covers before looking at you with a boyish grin and beckoning you towards him. You sat down next to him, playing with your hands awkwardly. “You ok?” You nodded your head. “I can put up a pillow barrier if you want, I have to admit I tend to be a cuddler.”

You giggled, imagining you waking up to find him snuggled up against a pillow between the two of you. “It’s ok, I don’t think we need a pillow barrier.”

“Suit yourself.” He turned off the light, getting even more comfortable in his bed and turning towards the wall. “Goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight, Shawn.” __________________________

The deep scent of oak and cinnamon should have woken you up. The heavy weight slung across your stomach should have woken you up. The unusual heat that was spreading across your back should have woken you up. But instead, they all just kept you in a peaceful slumber as the morning light streamed in through the window.

Shawn was the first to awake. Breathing in your comforting scent, he squeezed you a little tighter, not quite realizing what he was doing. The moment you pushed back into him in an effort to get impossibly closer to him his senses became wide awake, suddenly making him on high alert to how close you were to him. He couldn’t imagine how you’d feel if you woke up to find the two of you like this, but when he tried to untangle himself from you and you subconsciously gripped his arm tighter, pulling him back to you, he gave up the fight and let himself get lost in the moment. Against his better judgment he placed his lips to your hair, leaving feathery kisses in their wake. Your body began to move slowly as you came to a consciousness, but Shawn continued to kiss down your neck until he finished with a soft one on your shoulder. “Good morning,” he rasped, looking at you through his lashes.

“Good morning.” The second you came to a full realization of what was happening your body froze, not quite able to process the exact situation. The immense heat that was radiating off of him was too soothing for you to resist though and soon your body fell slack against his just as it was while you were asleep.

“How’d you sleep?” Shawn asked, tracing his finger across your cheek bone.

“Like a baby.”

“Good to hear.” His stomach rumbled, making a laugh escape out of him, “And that is good to hear too, I guess. You want to go get some breakfast.”

Deep inside you wanted to say no and selfishly keep him close to you all morning long, “That sounds perfect.”

Your body became cold the second he left your side and you shivered slightly from the temperature change. “You ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” you lied, grabbing his hand to help you out of bed. He pulled your body close to his, looking at you deeply with those gorgeous brown eyes of his.

“Were you uncomfortable this morning?”

“No,” you stuttered, feeling small as he towered over you even if you didn’t find him intimidating, if anything the words coming out of his mouth were more intimidating than him.

“Why not?”

His body came closer to you with each word until you were backed up against the wall, his chest pressing against yours. “What?”

“I asked you why you weren’t uncomfortable.” His face was so close to you that you could see every last detail of his skin, including a scar on his cheek that you didn’t happen to notice before, but made him look all the more endearing to you.

“Because I trust you.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

You could tell by the way that his eyebrow quirked up that he didn’t believe your wavering voice, “Are you telling me the truth? Because I want to know if you feel the same way about me that I do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought I made it quite obvious,” he chuckled, “I really, really like you, Y/n. I was hoping maybe this morning was a sign that you felt the same way…”

“It was,” you breathed out quickly, not wanting this moment to fade away. “I like you too, Shawn.”

His lips fanned over yours and your breath hitched in your throat, desperately waiting for him to move the final inch. “I’m not going to kiss you,” he told you, watching the light in your eyes dim and cast down to the ground, “Hey, look at me.” Shawn grabbed your chin gently, pulling your eyes back up to his, “It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because it feels wrong to do it without going on a date first. You understand?” You nodded your head sadly, making him let out a quiet laugh, “But I would like to take you out on a date if you’d let me.”

“I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“Perfect,” he leaned in to kiss the tip of your nose, “Now let’s go down and eat breakfast. I’m absolutely starving.” __________________________

Are you free Tuesday night? Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to ask you

The message came through the second you stepped through the door to your dorm room. Natalie and Connor had woken up later than you and Shawn, so Shawn had offered to drive you home instead. You looked out your small window that happened to be facing the street and were met with his jeep still parked next to the curb. His eyes met yours causing the two of you to smile and you could practically hear his laugh from three floors up.

I’m free all night

Perfect, see you then I’ll pick you up x

Can’t wait x __________________________

The rest of the weekend seemed to drag on until your classes came again on Monday to distract your mind from the next day. It didn’t help that you and Shawn were texting almost every second of the day since you two had parted, only adding to your anticipation.

After seeming as though it would never arrive, Tuesday night came upon you, bringing you back to the same chair this all started with. Natalie was over the moon when you told her about your date, immediately wanting to know everything about it and what outfit you were planning on wearing. She had you propped up in what she called her “makeup chair” making sure your makeup and hair were the best they had ever looked. You had chosen a simple sweater and leggings, hoping that you looked nice enough while still managing to stay warm and comfortable. Shawn hadn’t told you where you were going yet, stating that it had to be kept a surprise, so you worked with what you had in order to have an appropriate outfit.

At six o’clock sharp Shawn was waiting outside, leaning against his jeep on his phone was a bouquet of flowers in one hand. His eyes flickered to the door anytime he heard a noise, but at the sight of you he stood up straight, hands pocketing his phone before he was headed straight towards you. “Hey, you look beautiful.”

“And you look as handsome as always.”

A blush formed on his cheeks at your words and he handed you the flowers bashfully, ducking his head down to avoid your gaze. “These are for you.”

“They’re gorgeous, thank you.” He sent you a bright smile as he took your hand to lead you around the car, opening the door for you to slide inside.

“Will you tell me where we’re going now?” you asked as soon as he slid into the driver's seat.

“Not yet, gotta keep the suspense up,” he teased, his hand coming up to lace his fingers with yours on the center console. “I hope you’re hungry though.”

“If we’re being honest I’m always hungry.”

“Then this is going to work out great.” The ride was short and before you knew it you were turning into a parking lot of a small old-fashioned diner a few minutes off of campus. Shawn parked the car, running around the jeep quickly to open the door for you. You smiled at his kind gesture and took his outstretched hand for you to walk inside together.

The two of you were sat inside of a booth across from each other as you scanned the menus. Shawn hardly looked at his before he was nodding his head and leaning back in his seat to look at you, “Got any idea of what you’re getting?”

“Um, not really. Have you been here before?”

“More times than I can remember. I usually go here after practice late at night because it’s open until like three in the morning.”

“Any suggestions?”

“Well I always get the cheeseburger with no tomato, a chocolate milkshake, and extra fries…”

“Extra fries? You eat that many fries?”

Shawn laughed, a wide smile forming on his face, “Most of the time yes, but if I don’t I just bring them back to the frat house. They’re always gone a couple seconds after I set them down.”

“Hmm, I can't decide if I want a chocolate shake like you or an oreo one. What do you think?”

“I think you should get an oreo one and then we can share them both.” You looked over your menu at him with a small smile, watching his eyes light up as he returned your expression.

“Then that’s what I’ll do.” The waitress came over and you ordered the same thing as Shawn, except with tomatoes, different shake, and of course, no extra fries. Once your milkshakes came out, he requested two extra straws, winking at you as he slid them in.

“So,” he began, sipping on his chocolate milkshake, “Do you think you’re going to come to more hockey games this season?”

“I’m not sure, I guess I’d need a good reason to go,” you smirked at him, taking a sip of yours as well.

“I’m pretty sure I could give you a good reason.” He looked around to make sure no one was looking, but fortunately you two were the only ones in there besides another couple on the other side. Shawn grabbed your hand and leaned forward, his nose brushing against yours. Your heart started beating faster until his lips were right against yours, but you faltered when he froze. The look in his eyes was pleading with you to let him continue so you took control instead, closing the small gap between the two of you. His free hand cradled your cheek as his lips moved with yours, keeping you close to him. It was short and innocent, but it was enough to leave your head spinning and heart pounding. Your lips chased his once he moved back, desperately wanting to feel the softness of them on yours once again, causing him to laugh with a smile before giving you a peck to satisfy you. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“I doubt it was that long,” you mumbled, eyes focusing on where his thumb was rubbing the top of your hand.

“What makes you say that?”

“No guy has ever really been into me before.”

“I think that’s a lie. Besides, I’ve wanted that since the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.” He brought your hand to his lips to leave a lingering kiss on it, “You would’ve noticed if your head wasn’t stuck in a book.”

“Didn’t know it was bad to try to be at the top of my class.”

“It isn’t. I think it’s great that you’re at the top of the class list. Now you’re on the top of two lists.”

“Two lists?” you asked, watching as he smiled and leaned forward to try to steal another kiss.

“Yeah, the school’s and mine.”

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nalgenewhore · 4 years

Text

With My Life - Chapter Nine

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter

warnings: (all graphic) violence, guns, blood, smut, implied PTSD

an: very interesting.....all i have to say

“Hellas, V, is this really where you live?”

Vaughan shushed Fenrys and ushered the twins into his shitty little apartment, suspiciously checking the hallway before closing the door. They waited as he bolted each lock, every deadbolt going click, click, click, click, click.

Rowan raised his eyebrows and looked at Lorcan, mouthing Five locks. Lorcan just shrugged, Vaughan had always been a private person. He was more interested in the pictures his brother had on his fridge - one of him, Lorcan, and their sisters, one of their mother, and one of him and Lorcan as children, both frowning as the photographer interrupted their game of Mario Kart.

Lorcan, like the others, had never set foot in Vaughan’s apartment. He was the only one - the sole person - in the world who knew where Vaughan lived, for emergencies, but he’d never been. Not even the agency knew where it was.

Lorcan, Rowan, and Nehemia were already there, sitting at his kitchen table with the decrypted list on Nehemia’s laptop.

Fenrys took the seat next to his wife and smiled at her, kissing her cheek in greeting. Connall sat next to Lorcan and nodded hello. “Nice place, Vaughan,” he commented, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet on the table.

Vaughan clicked his tongue as he too sat down, “Get your feet off my table. I eat here.”

Connall made a face, but did as he was ordered, becoming serious. “Why are we here?”

“Maeve is connected to Erawan. She’s helping him import Wyrd,” Lorcan said bluntly, turning the computer screen to show them. “Mia couldn’t figure out the codes, but just look.”

They all leaned in to read. Rowan sat upright first, voice hollow, “It’s our old missions.” He picked up the laptop and stood up, pacing as he read, “Sollemere, Mistward, Morath… fuck, even Perranth.” Perranth wasn’t supposed to be on record. The second they’d gotten home, it had been erased from history.

“Let me see,” Fenrys said, standing and grabbing the computer from Rowan. If it wasn’t such a serious moment, Lorcan might’ve laughed at the childishness of it all and their brotherly dynamic, still unable to share even after all these years. “It’s all here.”

“What happens now,” Connall asked, serious as he leaned forward to brace his forearms against the table.

“We leave,” Nehemia said, taking the computer back from Fenrys. “It’s not safe for any of us. I’m sure Maeve had someone watching her back and that they saw me in there yesterday while she was wiping the file. We can’t do any work here and she will put our family at risk, so we go.”

“Where?” Rowan asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “It has to be far enough from her, but we can’t just leave. People’s lives are in danger.”

Nehemia and Lorcan exchanged a glance and the former spoke up, “Terrasen. They have an alliance with Wendlyn, but their treaty forbids any foreign secret service working within its borders. We all have contacts there, we’ll be able to work out a deal once we figure out what she wants.”

Fenrys sighed and rubbed his eyes, sitting down heavily in a chair next to Nehemia. She absentmindedly rubbed his back, resting her chin on his shoulder. “We can’t all leave. Somebody needs to stay.”

Lorcan and Rowan protested immediately, “What are you talking about–” “Fen, it’s not the time to play hero–”

“I’m not playing hero, Ro,” Fenrys said, voice tired and strained. “She’ll go mad - you know she will, when we leave. She’s unpredictable, boys, and dangerous. We need someone on the inside, someone she trusts.” He glanced upwards at Connall, who nodded grimly.

Nehemia stiffened, turning to her husband. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she said, “You mean you and Con. Fen…”

“It’s the only option, sweetheart,” he whispered, his head hung low. “Maeve hasn’t trusted Ro since he married Ae. She looks at L like she’s waiting to kill him and you know she won’t let V live if L leaves. We’re the only option.”

Nehemia looked at the others as they all took their seats again. No one wanted it to happen, that much was obvious, but realistically… it was the only way.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Elide looked up from the stack of essays she was grading for the undergraduate class when her phone started to ring.

She capped her purple pen and put it to the side before picking up her phone. The number was one she didn’t recognise, yet she still accepted the call, “Hello?”

“Princess, it’s me.”

A smitten smile pulled at her lips just at his voice and Elide leaned back in her chair, “Well, hello. I didn’t recognise the number.”

“I’m calling from a phone booth, my phone died,” Lorcan explained. “Listen, E, there’s something… something I gotta tell you and it’s going to seem crazy, alright?”

Apprehension seized her and she almost wished she hadn’t picked up the phone, “What is it?”

He hesitated on the other end of the line for a second or two. “An old client of mine… he’s made some enemies and… we need to leave the country.”

Elide laughed, relieved that it was all a joke. But Lorcan didn’t laugh and she froze, “You’re not joking.”

“No, I’m not. El, I- fuck, I know this really fucks everything up–”

“Yeah!” she cried, standing up to walk around the tiny space behind her desk. “It does, what the fuck, Lorcan? Am I going to be killed? Are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, how long do we have to leave for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Fine, where are we going?”

“Terrasen.”

Elide collapsed into her seat, rubbing her forehead, “I really hate your job.”

Lorcan chuckled and the sound had her perking up just a bit. “I know, princess. I’m sorry.”

She waved her hand dismissively and then asked, her voice small and quiet, “How much danger are we in?” He didn’t answer and after a few moments when the silence stretched on and on, Elide thought the call had ended. “L, are you still there?”

“I’m still here, E. We’re in… a lot of danger. They’re powerful people with too many connections. It’s why we need to leave.”

“When.”

“When, what?”

“When do we need to leave, Lorcan?”

“...tomorrow morning. Everyone else is packing.” When she didn’t say a thing, he spoke again, “El, baby?”

“Yeah,” she said, staring at the coffee ring on one of the student’s papers. “I have a thesis review tomorrow, Lor. I’ve been preparing for months, I need to be there. Can we go after, please?”

Elide waited as Lorcan contemplated, tears aching in her throat. This was not how her life was supposed to go. She didn’t want to be on the run. “We can do it. I’ll meet you after, and we’ll go, alright?”

She hesitated, not sure what she was agreeing to if she said yes. “I don’t know. I just- I don’t understand. What if something happens and- what am I supposed to do, I have things here, in Varese. Aelin is here, my friends are here. I don’t… I don’t know, L.”

“I know it doesn’t make any sense and I don’t know what you’re thinking, but do you trust me?”

Elide didn’t need to think before she answered, “Yes.”

There was a smile in his voice when Lorcan replied, “Then that’s all there is to it, for now. I’ll see you at home.”

“Ok, then. Love you,” she whispered, smiling softly to herself.

“Love you too, El.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Everyone else had left Vaughan’s, except for him and Nehemia. Lorcan stalked back into the living room and dropped onto the couch. He snapped the cheap burner phone it two and tossed both the pieces on the coffee table.

Nehemia was in the kitchen, making coffee for them both. “How’d it go?”

“Fine. She has a meeting tomorrow, so I’ll book the later flights,” he said, staring at the wall. “I checked the safe house in Orynth - it hasn’t been used in a decade and they’ve disabled the alarms.”

Nehemia padded over to him and passed him one of the coffees before sitting in the armchair, her legs curled beneath her. The kitchen light played off the golden cuffs in her Fulani braids as she tilted her head back against the chair. “We have to tell her, Lorcan.”

He didn’t say a word.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

When he got home, Elide was curled up on the couch, watching an animated movie on the flatscreen. It was warm and cozy, the fireplace lit and casting heat around the apartment.

His girlfriend paused the movie and turned to look at him, smiling brightly, “Hi.”

Lorcan hung up his jacket and loosened his tie before walking over to her. “What are you watching?”

“Atlantis: The Lost Empire,” she said, turning back to the movie and pressing pay. “Do you want to watch with me?”

“‘Course I do,” he scoffed, tipping her chin back with his fingers to kiss her deeply. She made a soft sound and smiled against his lips, causing him to pull back. “I’m gonna change, but I’ll be right back.”

Her gaze had already strayed to the screen and she nodded absentmindedly, waving him off, “Go, go.”

Lorcan chuckled and walked up to their room, swapping out his black suit and shirt for a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. When he walked back downstairs, Elide was on the phone, her voice chirping and bubbly.

He made a face at her phone voice and she flipped him off, narrowing her eyes in that way that said, Don’t you dare make me laugh right now. Laughing, he sauntered over to the couch and flopped onto it, stretching across it lengthwise.

Lorcan resumed the movie, making a note to thank Elide for the choice - he hadn’t watched this movie in ages. It reminded him of those rainy days, the only ones he spent inside during his childhood.

Their mother’s room was the only room with enough electricity to power their clunky and boxy television, so all four of them - Lorcan, Vaughan, Aneha, and Sadirah - would pile on Odette’s bed and watch the few VHS they owned.

A petite body joined his, fitting perfectly against his side. Lorcan dropped his arm to wrap it around Elide and she rested her head against his chest. “I ordered Chinese. They said it would take thirty minutes.”

He hummed, idly rubbing her arm. Without taking his eyes off the television, Lorcan asked her, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

He sighed through his nose, “El.”

She rolled onto her side, burying her face in his shirt. “Don’t worry, I packed and told Darrow that I needed to take a leave. It’s… tomorrow, everything changes. I want one normal night. Just a boy and a girl, watching old Disney movies and eating shitty takeout, ok?”

Lorcan nodded, dipping to rest his chin on her head, “Ok.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

They watched Atlantis: The Lost Empire, the movie just wrapping up when Malakai buzzed to say that their takeout had arrived.

When Malakai had found out that Lorcan was, in fact, very much alive, there had been a long hug, followed by a vicious beration. Lorcan had never looked smaller.

“Rock, paper, scissors,” said Elide. “Best of three and no cheating.”

Lorcan smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn’t miss the way her gaze strayed to his ink-covered biceps and waggled his eyebrows at her, delighting in the blush she couldn’t stop. “Do we really need to resort to rock, paper, scissors to decide who has to go get the food?”

“Oh, are you volunteering?”

“Fuck no, let’s go, Lochan,” he said.

Forty-five seconds later, Elide was snickering as he grabbed his wallet and shook his head. “You cheated.”

She just shrugged and waved him off, already choosing a new movie. “The Princess Diaries or Clueless?”

“If it’s not The Princess Diaries: Two, I’ll cry,” he replied, putting his slides on before he ducked out to the elevator, her laughter following him.

Apparently, Elide had ordered enough to feed a small army, or he and the boys. Lorcan was carefully balancing it all as he kicked the door shut behind him.

Elide had opened a bottle of whiskey and there was a glass waiting for him on the island.

She turned to him and clapped her hands, popping off the couch to race over to him. Elide was humming as she took the bags and unpacked it all, eyes gleaming.

Lorcan leaned against the island and grabbed his glass, taking a sip and whistling, “Shit, you opened the good shit.”

Elide snorted, gesturing to the bottle on the coffee table, “I know my whiskey, Salvaterre.”

“You really are the perfect woman,” he said, meaning every word.

Her cheeks pinked prettily and she clicked her tongue as she opened the lids, stacking them on the side, “Charmer.” She grabbed the bamboo chopsticks and the hot sauce packets. “Do you want chopsticks or a fork?”

Lorcan drew back in offence, “I know how to use chopsticks, princess.” At her disbelieving look, he rolled his eyes, “I do, but maybe…” he took another sip of the amber liquor before putting the glass down, leaning close to her and whispering seductively, “you could teach me, hmm?”

She laughed, pushing him away and shaking her head. “That is the weirdest way you’ve ever tried to hit on me.”

“You’ve been hit on in weirder ways than chopstick lessons?”

“You’d be surprised,” Elide said dryly, rolling her eyes, “what a nice pair of tits will have men saying.”

Lorcan’s eyes dropped to her chest in her crop top and hummed, sucking on his teeth, “Mm, they are nice.”

“Pig,” she hissed, putting her hand over his face and shoving him back. “Play nice.”

“I always play nice with your tits, baby,” Lorcan purred, his lazy smile only growing when she shot him a glare that would have made Hellas’ fiery realm freeze over.

“Say one more thing and you’ll never get to play with them ever again.”

He chuckled and held his hands up in surrender, slowly backing away to the cabinets. Elide could barely hide her smile as he passed her a plate and they piled food on their plates before walking back to the couch.

Lorcan grabbed the whiskey bottle and sat down next to her, the pair quickly becoming lost in their own world of shitty takeout, Disney movies, and expensive alcohol.

After the Princess Diaries were done, they played rock, paper, scissors once more to decide between… Lorcan couldn’t remember.

The bottle lay empty on the carpet and his vision was blurred. Elide was giggling softly, her eyes bright, “Alrigh… alright, hol’ on, ok? We gotta… we gotta go on one, two, three!”

Lorcan laughed and shook his head, “No, no, we gotta sleep. Remember? We’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Oh, yeah,” Elide said, “‘cause someone wants to kill us.” She laughed, smiling brightly.

“I don’t even know why,” he complained, lying back on the floor. “We’re really nice.”

“And pretty.”

“The prettiest,” Lorcan confirmed. With a heavy sigh, he slowly got to his feet and hoisted Elide over his shoulder. She shrieked and wiggled until he smacked her ass, her cries of protest melting into an over-the-top, teasing moan.

“Oh, hit me harder,” she begged, voice high and breathy. “Please, sir.”

Lorcan shook his head at her, “Disgusting. No more talking from you.”

She giggled again and braced her elbow on his back, propping her chin up on her fist. “You got a nice ass, Salvaterre.”

He snorted, “Yours ain’t too bad either, princess.”

Elide hummed and stayed still for the rest of the trip, her thoughts becoming more mellow, as opposed to jumpy, wild things.

They were more like a fog now, settling heavy over her mind.

And then, there was the ugly thought, the one she had only thought of once, just one time before banishing it to the depths of her brain.

Lorcan placed Elide down and brushed her hair from her eyes.

She gave him a lazy smile, trailing her elegant fingertips over his full lips. “You know what, Lorcan?”

“What, Elide?”

“I have a secret,” she whispered, her eyes shining with something, he couldn’t place it. “It’s a… a doozy, as they say.”

Lorcan laughed, flopping down beside her. “Tell me.”

“Sometimes,” she murmured, now running a finger up and down the straight bridge of his nose, “I wish I never met you.”

The words, those horrible words, hit him like a blow to the gut and Lorcan breathed out slowly. “Hmm.” He shut his eyes to stop Elide from seeing the pain in them. “That’s…”

“It’s awful, isn’t it?” she hummed, glancing out the window to the moon beyond it.

Lorcan didn’t respond, but he was still awake as Elide fell into a deep, inebriated sleep.

I wish I never met me either, Elide.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: well.....looks like the gang is going on a road trip !

@mythicaitt @tinywolfofeyllwe @schmlip-scribble @the-regal-warrior @empire-of-wildfire @rhysands-highlady @ttakeitbacknoww @shyvioletcat @alifletcher2012 @tswaney17 @ourbooksuniverse e @flora-and-fae @thesirenwashere @queenofxhearts @maastrash @mynewdreamwasyou @cursebreaker29 @empress-ofbloodshed @b00kworm @hizqueen4life @silversprings98 @amren-courtofdreams @minaidss @superspiritfestival @lovemollywho @queen-of-glass @jlinez @sleeping-and-books @ireallyshouldsleeprn @verypaleninja @januarystears @magicalunicorngypsy @sis-it-dont-add-up

#with my life #wml chapter nine #elorcan #elide x lorcan #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #isa writes #nalgenewhore #......oops.#i mean i had to add a LIL something !

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sillyrabbit81 · 3 years

Text

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3k

Warnings: swearing, angst, implied smut

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 10 Part 12

Part 11

The next few days were monotonous. Most mornings, I would go to the gym. Then I'd head off to work. After work, I'd take Perrin for a walk. We stopped at the dog park a few times to throw the ball. Then I'd go home and read or watch tv. After dinner, I would FaceTime Liam before falling asleep.

Although I missed him terribly, it had been good to have some space. I was able to think about us a bit. Liam was always great on the phone, a gentleman even. Yes, he flirted with me and made inappropriate comments, but they were always in context. I'd be lying if I said I didn't flirt with him back. But it was nice to get to know him better, and I decided I definitely liked him as a person and a lover. He was sweet, sincere, funny and warm, the same as he was when he was Will. He seemed to accept who I was. There were no digs at me, maybe some friendly ribbing, but it seemed he liked me too. We spent a lot of time laughing. We had a similar sense of humour.

He opened up about some of his past relationships, how he felt about them and what went wrong. A lot of the times, he admitted to fault, especially in the early ones. I talked a bit about Andy but kept a lot back. No doubt, he noticed.

Thursday afternoon changed everything.

Liam called me when I was driving home from work at about four-thirty. It broke with our routine. We usually spoke around nine o'clock. I answered the phone, and Liam's voice came through the speakers.

"Hello, Sweetheart. How was your day?"

I smiled at this now familiar greeting. "Really good, Liam. How was yours? Have you finished work already?"

"Yeah, good. I'm supposed to stay for another hour, but I wasn't needed, so I left." Liam paused and said, "Listen, Lana, I have to tell you something."

"Oh, no."

"Yesterday, a parent from your school saw the pictures of us." I went cold. I was 10 minutes from my house, but I pulled over. "She left a message on one of the pictures that you look like a teacher from her kid's school." Oh shit. "Anyway, this morning, you were on duty at the "kiss and drop", whatever that is."

Robotically I said, "it's where the parents drop the kids off at school without getting out of the car." I could see where this is as going.

"Right." He sounded strange but continued. "Well, they took a picture of you, put that side by side with the others. Long story short, Sarah was called to confirm your name."

"Oh, for fucks sake." I was pissed off. "What did she tell them?"

"She said she couldn't confirm or deny."

"In other words, yes, but my boss said, don't say anything."

"That's a bit unfair, Lana. She can't lie to them, or they won't bother calling her when they get a story. They will just run it because they can't trust what she says."

"Fuck this," I said and hung up on Liam.

I slammed my foot down on the accelerator and spun the tires. I had a Toyota Camry SX. It's sort of sporty, but it's not meant to be driven like that, but I was fuming. Liam rang again, but I ignored it. I backed off and slightly and rounded a corner, tires chirping as I went. I fumbled in my bag, driving one-handed until I found and lit a cigarette. As stupid as it was, I drove the rest of the way home like that.

When I got home, I quickly changed into my Draggin jeans, leather jacket and riding boots. I grabbed my helmet, gloves and went for a ride.

I loved being on the bike. Andy was the first guy I'd been with who rode. I remembered the first time he got me on the bike. He hadn't even let the clutch out, and I screamed and jumped off. The second time was better, and I went around the block before I got off. The third time, I was hooked. I loved holding onto his waist as we rode, my chest pressed against his back, my thighs touching his, my hands under his t-shirt. I loved the heavy thrumming of the bike, the wind whistling past. It was exciting, erotic, but also calming. Calming is what I needed.

I was so angry. Not at Liam or Sarah. Or even the bitch who outed me or the others who put my photo out there in the first place. I didn't know who I was angry with. Hollywood? Gossip? Social media? Myself? Maybe I was mad at myself. I deserved it. I'd turned my back on Andy, fucked another guy, and now I'm in a relationship with him, according to public record. Every time someone googles my name, his will come up.

The parents at school will give me looks, and I won't know what they are thinking. Will they be laughing at me? And if it didn't work out, everyone would know. I would have to go through a break up while everyone watched, picked at it, chose sides and commented.

I rode for about an hour up through the Blue Mountains. When I stopped for petrol at Wentworth Falls, my thoughts had settled, and I was thinking clearer. I stopped at a cafe, got a coffee and checked my phone. Liam had called twice more and sent a few messages. Riza had called and texted me.

I checked Riza's first. It was a link to an article, Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover. Her text simply said, "Jen just found this. Call me if you need me." I didn't click the link.

I checked Liam's. He said he wants to make sure I'm ok. Then he said he wants to come over and talk to me.

I called Liam. He seemed to answer before it even rang. "Sweetheart. Are you ok?" He sounded a bit frantic.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"I knew you'd be upset."

"Upset is one thing. I snapped at you and blamed Sarah. You're right. It's not her fault."

"Lana, don't worry about that. Did you read the article?"

"No."

Liam was quiet a while. Then he said, "Are you ok now?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I just needed some time to calm down." I let out a short laugh. "I am a redhead after all. I have a temper."

Liam laughed, "Do I have to be worried about being stabbed in my sleep?"

"Nah, being a redhead wouldn't make me do that. I get that part of me from being a Scorpio."

"I don't know whether to be scared or turned on right now."

I smirked, "Why not be both?"

Liam laughed and then got serious. "You sure you're ok? Do you want me to come over? I almost did get in my car when you wouldn't answer."

"Stalker," I teased.

"And that's why I didn't."

"I'm not at home anyway."

"Where are you?"

"I took off on the bike to clear my head. I'm in the mountains right now."

"The mountains?"

"Yeah, the Blue Mountains. Look west tomorrow, and you'll see them."

"I'll do that." Liam paused. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you too. Bye, Liam."

"Bye, Sweetheart."

I finished my coffee and rode home.

I texted Riza to let her know I was ok. I played with Perrin. I texted my brother to remind him to pick Perrin up tomorrow afternoon. I ate some dinner before packing my bag for tomorrow and went to bed. It was a long time before I finally fell into a restless sleep.

Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover

"Pictures of Liam Cross, 38, with an unknown female were circulating on social media earlier this week, and tongues were set wagging.

"Users were quick to put their detective hats on and tracked down Cross's new flame late yesterday. The woman was identified as Mrs Alana Walker, 30, Sydneysider, and special education teacher. Not much else is known about Mrs Walker other than she was widowed in 2017. Her husband, Andrew Walker, and father Brian Kelly were killed in a horrific Boxing Day crash when his car was destroyed by a truck driver who had a medical incident behind the wheel.

"Sources close to Cross say that he has been elated the past couple of months, and now they know why. They hope for his sake that this relationship will not be plagued by scandal like his previous relationships.

"For now, Cross's camp is remaining tight-lipped on the situation. While they don't deny a relationship, they will not confirm it.

"Cross is currently in Sydney for an adaptation of the widely popular and romantic fantasy epic Beyond the Stones series by C. W. Taylor. He will co-star alongside Australian Myra Roberts with an expected release in the northern hemisphere winter of 2022."

I woke on Friday morning and laid in bed for a while. I should have gone to the gym, but I just couldn't get my body to move. I wanted to chuck a sickie, blow off the whole day, maybe go for a swim, or just watch movies all day. I had an urge to watch Kill Bill for some reason. But I couldn't do that to the kids.

I knew I was just trying to avoid the parents at school. I'm sure most of them know by now. Gossip runs rampant at the school gate. We've all seen Big Little Lies. Probably all the staff knew too. It was one of those days where I wish I could just press fast forward and get to the part where I see Liam again. I didn't want to miss out on that.

In the end, I got up, showered and got ready for work. I tamed my hair, put on my war paint and dressed in black work pants, ballet flats and a pink knitted cardigan.

I started to pack my bag for the weekend, trying to work out what outfits I needed. I had decided what I wanted to wear for dinner tonight, but I didn't know what to wear to bed. Would I even need anything to wear? I blushed at the thought. I packed a basic set of pyjamas. I added jeans and a couple of t-shirts, a hoodie and my Dr Martens. I put some pretty underwear in there too. I didn't have much, just a white lace set which Liam had already seen and two black lace sets. I packed them all.

My phone beeped, and I got a message from Liam. It was a picture of his face all sweaty from working out. He had his tongue sticking out. He had written, I was going to send you a picture of my cock but thought that was a bit vulgar. So I decided to send you a picture of another part of my body that's going to fuck you tonight. Can't wait x.

My whole body grew hot, my stomach filled with butterflies, and I giggled. I started to reply with 'cheeky bastard', but then I had an idea. I sent him a picture of my face with my mouth open in an O shape, and I rested a finger on the corner of my lower lip. I wrote, I was going to send you a picture of my pussy but thought it was a bit obvious. So I sent you a picture of another part of my body that's going to get fucked tonight. X

Within a minute, I got a reply of: Game on, Sweetheart.

Well, if Liam wants to play a game, I can play a game.

I pulled my pyjamas out of my bag and put in a satin shift, pretty much my only sexy bedclothes. I thought about what other sexy photos I could take and packed a few other things. Then I made my lunch and headed off to work.

I rang Riza on the way to work. She asked me about how I was feeling. I told her I was dealing with it, but I said no more about it. I asked Riza about how she and Jen were going, and she said we would meet up soon.

"I miss you," she said.

"Yeah, I miss you too. Talk soon, ok?"

"Yeah, have a good weekend slut! Tell Liam I said hi."

"Suck a dick Riz."

We hung up, and almost immediately, Dave calls.

He doesn't say hello or anything, just launches in with, "Are you dating Liam Cross?" Fuck. "One of Lucy's friends just sent her an article about you and him."

No use denying it then. "Yeah, I am. He's the one I'm spending the weekend with." I braced for his reply.

"Fuck me dead. My fucking little sister is rooting Liam fucking Cross." His voice didn't sound angry. He sounded impressed.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not a big deal. Just don't forget to get Perrin and don't tell Mum."

"Not a big deal? The kids will go crazy when they meet him."

"Dave, we are hardly at the point where we are meeting families."

"Yeah, alright, keep your shirt on."

"I'll come by Sunday arvo to pick Perrin up?"

"Wanna stay for dinner?"

"Yeah, ok. See you then."

I ended the call and got to work not long after that. I went straight to my classroom, trying to avoid everyone. There was one person I couldn't avoid, and that was Marla, my teacher's aide. She was in her late 50s, though, so I thought she would be pretty safe. She didn't mention anything all morning, which was a relief.

At lunchtime, I stayed in the classroom. I told Marla I had some work to do, so she left me alone. I checked my phone and found a message from Liam.

It was a picture of Liam drinking from a bottle of pineapple juice, and it said, Me hydrating for tonight x.

His innuendo made me chuckle, but I had planned for something like this. I took a selfie of myself with a banana in my mouth and sent it with the caption: Presumptive much? Me carbo-loading for tonight.

Liam replied a little later with, I can't decide if I'm winning because my pics are better or if I'm still winning because yours are better.

Marla came back into the classroom about halfway through lunch. She pottered around the room, trying to look busy. She kept looking over at me. I felt myself start to panic. She wasn't acting like that this morning. She must know now. They all must know. I started wondering what everyone was saying about me in the staff room. They had probably sent Marla back to the classroom to see what information they could get out of me. The panic receded, and anger filled the void.

Eventually, I lost my temper. "Have you got something to say, Marla?"

Marla had the good grace to look ashamed. "No. Nothing."

I crossed my arms. "What are they saying?"

Marla sighed, "honestly? They're mostly pretty stoked about it. Happy for you."

I let my arms fall. My vision went a bit blurry. "Really?"

Marla came over and leaned against the table, and rubbed my back. "Oh, Darl, yeah, most of us remember what it was like for you. We just want you to be happy."

I smiled at her, but the tears still came. Marla gave me a tissue. "Thanks, Marla." I sniffed, "ugh, the parents, though. I'm not looking forward to that."

Marla smiled and said, "don't worry about it, Darl. I'll fill in for ya this arvo, and you can do my Wednesday lunch duty. How's that?" I thanked her. Relieved, I hugged her and cleaned myself up.

When school had finished, I made a mad dash to the car park. I knew I was just putting off the inevitable. I'd have to show my face in front of the parents sooner or later, but I decided it was Monday's problem.

I checked my phone before I headed off to Liam's place. He had sent me a shirtless picture of himself with some rope curled up around his shoulder and written, One of my costumes has a rope. It made me think of you. I'm about to leave. See you soon.

Dammit, I couldn't think of a response to that one! I sat and thought about it for ages. I was not about to give in easily. Then it came to me. I got my water bottle and one of my spare undies from my overnight bag. I wet them a bit, put the underwear and water bottle on the bag and took a picture of them both. I wrote. My water bottle leaked in my bag, and my panties got wet. It made me think of you. I'm on my way.

The three circles came up within seconds, and Liam sent, You are in so much trouble, Sweetheart. Park around the back.

And because I can't control my tongue in real life or texts, I wrote back, That's what she said.

I didn't wait for a reply. I just put an audiobook on and drove.

Part 12

#original character #original fiction #romantic story #happy ever after

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myhockeyworld87 · 4 years

Text

Choices - Tyler Seguin/Jamie Benn - Part 28

Word Count: 2,037

POV: Reader

Warnings: None that I can think of but I always say language just in case.

Notes: I put a little Jamie love in here for those that think I’m only focusing on Tyler. Voting is open until 8PM EST Friday!!! Happy Reading

Choices Master

When you woke up the following morning after sneaking around Tyler's you were ready to get answers; no matter what they were. There was obviously something going on between Kathleen and Tara, though you couldn't quite put your finger on it just yet. So, you got up and got ready hoping to catch Kathleen. You weren't sure how you were going to confront her. Did you just walk up to her apartment, knock on the door, and demand to know what's going on? You had a feeling that she wouldn't tell you the truth even if you had evidence in your hand; so that plan was a no go.

Your only other option was to follow her. Which is how you found yourself sitting in your car across the street from where she lived. It didn't take long for her to emerge, but what you didn't expect was to see Tara with her. However, that wasn't what had you following the two down the road. It was the fact that Tara, in a matter of two weeks looked nine months pregnant. There was no way that she could've hidden something like that in such a short time. Hell, you were having twins and didn't look that big. Besides, she'd flat out told you she met Tyler so he could give her money for an abortion. Which obviously didn't happen, given the way she looked right now.

At the moment you could only come up with one solution to the whole thing, and that was that she was faking being pregnant. If she was doing this to some other guy, then she could totally have faked her pregnancy with Christopher. There were still a million questions in your head and as you followed Kathleen's car.

The two drove to a ritzier section in town, not far from where Tyler and Jamie lived. The neighborhood was quiet and afforded the owners some privacy, but you could still see them pull into the drive of a home that was just a tad fancier than Tyler's. Both got out then and went inside. It didn't seem as if the owner was home, for you saw them enter the code to get inside. It couldn't have been more than thirty minutes and you saw Kathleen leave, though this time by herself. Part of you wanted to follow her, but instead, you decided to wait out and see what was happening with Tara.

Shortly after, Kathleen left, a man in a Bentley pulled into the garage. What you wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall in that house. It wasn't more than twenty minutes later, Tara came out of the house crying. The man following after her. From your hideout, on the side street, you couldn't quite hear what the were saying. The man was obviously flustered, but there was something about the way Tara was acting that you could tell she wasn't crying real tears. A few minutes later Tara pulled some papers out of her purse and the man signed the forms, before thrusting them back at her. He stood there for several minutes just looking at her until an Uber pulled up and Tara got in; which was now your cue to follow her.

You ended up at a decent house in a nice neighborhood in Dallas. Kathleen's car was sitting in the driveway and as Tara exited the vehicle; she came out to greet her. That's when all your suspicions were confirmed, for Tara reached around and pulled off some sort of prosthetic baby belly. She was obviously scamming that man out of money. The question was had she been doing the same to Tyler? And if so how could you prove it. You needed to find out if Christopher was real, and maybe finding out who the man was Tara had just scammed could help you with that. You headed home to see if you could discover some more information on the guy before you went any further.

Your phone rang on the way back. "Hey Jame, what's up?" you answered.

"Hi, sweetheart. How are you and the twins doing today?"

"We're doing great."

"Sounds like you're in the car. Where are you off to this morning?"

You couldn't very well tell Jamie what you'd been up to. He'd been so insistent that you not put any more stress in your life, but this was something that you couldn't let go since it might potentially affect your children. "Just running a few errands." Which wasn't a total lie. There was just no reason to divulge the specifics.

"Well, I hope you're taking it easy."

"I am, Jame. I promise. So, how are things in Tampa?"

"Good, but I miss you like crazy." You could even hear it in his voice.

"I miss you too." You really did. When Jamie was home the two of you had fallen into this comfort level with each other. On nights that he didn't have to play, the two of you would cook dinner together, end up watching some game on the television, then finally end up in bed; where sleeping wasn't necessarily a priority. Your second trimester had really upped your hormones to a new level, but thankfully Jamie had been more than willing to satisfy all your hormonal urges. "What time will you be home tomorrow?"

"Not till late, though we are flying straight back after the game; so, don't wait up."

"I can always take a nice long nap during the day." He chuckled at your response. The two of you talked for another hour or more, about nothing in particular, but then you'd always been able to do that with Jamie. It was only because the twins were starving that you ended hanging up. "Ok hun, I'm going to go feed these little ones that are growling inside me."

"Well if I were there, sweetheart, you know I'd make you something."

"Can't you just fly home and be with me?" you whined to him. "Forget I asked that. I know you and I know you'd do it if it was possible. It's one of the reasons why I love you so much."

"Just one?" He teased.

"Oh stop! You know there's a million." And there really were. Jamie seemed to show you every day that he really was the only man you were meant to be with. "Now hang up, before I regret saying anything more."

"I love you, (Y/N)."

"I love you more."

"Couldn't possibly. Now go feed our children." He kissed you through the phone and you returned it, before hanging up and heading straight for the kitchen. You chopped up some leftover chicken and threw it into a salad before heading straight for your laptop to do some digging on the guy you saw with Tara. You tried not to get your hopes up as you did reverse address lookup, though luck seemed to be on your side. The name Philip Brentwood popped up on the screen. After a quick google search, you'd found that he was a wealthy entrepreneur that had made his money in the tech business. He was also older with a wife and a couple adult children. This meant that he'd probably had an affair with Tara and didn't want his wife finding out about it.

Now that you had all this information, you didn’t know what to do with it. There was no phone number tied to the address and it wasn’t like you could actually call him up; he’d probably think you were a complete loon, telling him that some random woman was lying to him about having his child. You were really stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment. There was always stalking him as you did with Tara and Kathleen, but what would it really prove. You’d look crazier than Tara actually was. The information that you’d collected was enough for you to question whether or not Christopher was real, and now that you knew where Tara lived; it gave you access to find out the answer. You needed to stage a run-in with her, at her place and figure a way inside.

Which is how you found yourself parked on a side street, yet still able to see her house the next day. You knew you wouldn’t be able to stay there the whole day long and just wait for her, but you thought if we went in the afternoon you might catch her going for lunch or meeting up with friends. It was about an hour into the stakeout that you saw some movement inside. You got out of your car and made it look as though you were going out to get some exercise, or at least that was going to be your excuse when you ran into her. As she turned around after locking the house, you saw a moment of recognition mixed with fear in her eyes. “Tara is that you? I didn’t know you lived in the neighborhood.” You tried to put on an Oscar-worthy performance when you greeted her.

“(Y/N)? Um…yeah. I’ve lived here for a while.” She made her way over to you. “How are you doing?” She asked obviously referring to your bump.

“We’ve been doing ok,” You rubbed your belly to emphasize you were speaking for the babies as well. “Just moved to this area a couple weeks ago, and thought I’d get a little exercise while checking everything out.”

“Oh! So you’re not with Tyler anymore?” She seemed excited about the prospect that Tyler was single again, but you didn’t know if it was for her or Kathleen.

“No, after our talk, I felt it best we went our own ways. If he can’t acknowledge his own son; I’m not sure I want him in my child’s life.” Your statement seemed to throw her for a loop, for all she could do was nod her head up a few times. “Speaking of Christopher,” well technically you weren’t but you thought this gave a little lead-in. “Where is your sweet little boy? I'd love to meet him."

“Umm…a…he’s not here.” She was definitely flustered over your asking about the child. “My mom came by about twenty minutes ago and picked him up for the day." The lie rolled so easily off her tongue and since you'd been sitting there for an hour; you knew no one had come to her house. Now, who was giving the performance?

“Oh, I’m so sorry I missed him. Maybe now that we’re practically neighbors and all we could get together sometime. I mean I’m going to need all the single mom tips I can get.”

“Umm…yeah…sure. Some other time I’ve really got to run now.” She said stepping away from you. You couldn’t let her leave, this was the only time you had before Jamie came home to prove that something was going on here.

“I understand, sorry to…OOHH,” you grabbed your stomach as if something was wrong with the babies. It was so wrong to use them in this way and you hoped that God would forgive you for it. “OH, the pain. It hurts so bad.” You were being way overdramatic but it did get her to stop and come over to you. Maybe the bitch had a heart after all.

“Are you ok?”

“I don’t know. Do you have a place I can sit for a moment?” She looked around as if a chair would magically appear on the lawn but didn’t.

“Of course, come inside.” She helped you in, and you continued to hold the babies and wince out in pain every now and then to keep your charade going. She unlocked the door and led you inside. What you saw you couldn’t believe.

***************************************************************************************

Choices time.

A) As you make your way through the house, you see pictures of Tyler. Some were of the two of you but she cut you out and put her pic in instead.

B) There’s not one thing in the house that shows a sign that she has a baby. No toys, bottles, clothes, etc…

C) The prosthetic baby bump is laying on the floor.

Voting closes at 8PM EST Friday

#Choices series Tyler Seguin Jamie Benn #tyler seguin #jamie benn #tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin imagines #jamie benn imagine #jamie benn imagines #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfic #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction

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let-me-write-shit · 4 years

Text

Like We Used To: 8

A/N: Sorry I missed a post yesterday. Hope you enjoy and PUH-LEEEASE message me with some feedback.

[Click Here For Previous Chapters]

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CHAPTER EIGHT

Elizabeth was able to get a few more hours of shut eye before she awoke again. The sun shone through the curtains, warming up her face as her eyes adjusted to read the time on her phone. 8:07 AM. She stretched and threw the sheets off of her, feeling the sudden cold air hit her bare legs. Instantly the memories of the previous night came rushing back. She had thought about that moment for years, and half expected herself to be dreaming. A smile crept up on her face as it was even better than she imagined her first time with Harry being.

She decided to take a quick shower, but instead of letting the water relax her, she found herself starting to wonder: what happens from here? Today was Sunday, everyone’s last full day together until they leave on Monday morning and go back to their normal lives. Pretty soon Kate and Lewis will be on their way to the Maldives for their honeymoon, and Elizabeth had until Wednesday to return to her social media marketing manager job. Harry would be...God knows where, with God knows who, doing God knows what. At least she had one more day to enjoy with him before reality hit.

She quickly blow-dried her hair, threw a bit of makeup on, got dressed in her casual white long-sleeved shirt that she tucked into her blue jeans, a black belt, and a long beige cardigan. When she reached the bottom of the steps she could hear the voices of Jimmy, Matt, Kate, and Celeste echoing from the kitchen. She saw Matt first, standing in the doorway.

Elizabeth smiled and pinched his side, which made him jump, and she teased, “I can’t believe you’re awake before me. How did you manage that?”

He put her in a headlock and pulled her closer to him, “Because of a thing I like to call: an alarm!”

Everyone turned their attention to her and they all shouted “Good morning!” as Kate scurried over to her, shoving a donut in her hands with a look of relief, “Oh, good, you’re smiling!” she noted, pulling her towards the kitchen island and leaning against it, “So you and Harry are still good then? No fighting? And you made it all the way to midnight? Because most of us were still up until 1 AM. And when you didn’t come down to join us and we didn’t hear you go into your room we thought…”

Elizabeth gulped nervously, glancing at Celeste who’s attention darted elsewhere. She cut Kate off, “Uh...yeah. We made it to midnight, but we were both tired by then so I just decided to go right to bed. I guess I was just really quiet so you didn’t hear me.” Elizabeth looked over at Celeste to see if she would rat her out, but she didn’t.

Jimmy stepped up, “Okay, what I think Kate meant to ask was if you and Harry kissed last night. Because if you did, that means I won the bet.”

“Hang on!” Matt objected, “We also bet that Lizzy and I would kiss at some point this weekend, too. We have a whole day left!”

“Yeah, but if she kissed Harry, she’s not kissing you!” Jimmy waved him off and looked back at Elizabeth, eagerly waiting for a response.

Elizabeth stuttered, unsure of what to say, when $20 was smacked down on the island next to them. She looked behind her to see Harry with a smug face.

Harry looked up at Jimmy and simply said, “You won.”

“Fuck, yeah!” Jimmy grabbed the money and ran out of the room screaming, “Pay up, motherfuckers!”

Elizabeth felt her cheeks get warm and when she met Kate’s eyes her friend’s mouth had fallen open, “Ok, wait!” Kate put her hands up, smirking, “You two kissed, or you kissed?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Elizabeth shot Harry a look of warning before they heard stomping and glanced over to see that Matt was no longer there. Everyone looked at each other in confusion and Elizabeth whispered, “I’m gonna go check on him.”

She walked up the two flights of stairs to Matt’s room, tapping on the bedroom door lightly before cautiously opening the door. Matt was sitting on the bed with his head propped up on the headboard, playing with his phone. She left the door cracked open a bit and climbed onto the bed next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“You okay?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yeah, fine.”

Elizabeth snorted and dropped her donut on his stomach, “You’re an absolute shit liar, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know,” Matt groaned, chucking his phone at the end of the bed and taking a bite from the donut, “So you two really kissed?”

“Yeah. Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad,” Matt exhaled, “I’m just...worried.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, “Worried? Why are you worried?”

“Because, Lizzy. Don’t get me wrong, Harry is a great guy, and I don’t want you thinking I’m just saying this stuff because of some stupid kiss we had, but I saw how upset you were the last time he left. You were heartbroken. I always thought that there was something between you two back then, but whatever it was took years for you to get over. I’m worried this time it’ll be worse if you get yourself in too deep with him. Sure, he’s here now, but he’s famous! He travels the world on a weekly basis and has thousands of girls throwing themselves at him every single day. How long before he leaves again? I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

Elizabeth’s chest tightened a bit. He was right. It was a really tough situation to be in. Harry had made promises to her, but who knows if he’ll keep them or not? Sure, they used to be best friends, but a long time has passed and she can’t necessarily say she knows him that well after only spending two days with him and nine pivotal years of their adult lives had passed.

She grabbed Matt’s hands in hers and squeezed, “It was just one kiss,” she lied, attempting to reassure him, “Harry and I are just friends, nothing more. I just...got caught up in the moment. But I’m a big girl now and I can handle myself. Who knows if I’ll see him again after this weekend, but if I don’t then that’s tough shit and it’s his loss. At least I have all of my friends. I love that you care so much about me, though. I appreciate it.”

“Of course I care, Lizzy. I love you, you know that. And I’ll always be here for you no matter what.”

“Love you too, Matt.”

He rested his cheek on top of her head and said, “But seriously, if he hurts you again I’m done with him.”

“Same,” Elizabeth chuckled, her heart sank at the thought.

There was a knock on the door which slowly swung open and they both looked up to see Harry standing in the doorway. Elizabeth straightened up and took her hands back as he smiled begrudgingly and said, “Hey, uh, Kate just sent me up here to let you know that there’s a fair going on down the road and a few of them were gonna start heading over in the next thirty minutes if either of you would like to join.”

“Oh fun!” Elizabeth slid off of the bed, “I’ll go. Coming, Matt?”

He eyed Harry before saying, “Yeah. Just gonna take a quick shower first,” and headed towards his bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Elizabeth closed the door to his bedroom once she was in the hallway. Harry looked down at her with a look of irritation as they made their way to the stairs and whispered, “So after last night we’re just friends? We only shared one kiss? No big deal?”

“What?” Elizabeth continued down the stairs and whispered back, “What was I supposed to tell him? Harry stuck his cock in me last night and made me cum while you guys were 30 feet away? It’s no one’s business what we do.”

They paused on the landing, hearing voices get louder and then dissipate before Harry rounded on her again, “Obviously you don’t have to go into explicit detail, Lizzy. No one needs to know we had sex if you don’t want them to know, but you don’t have to talk to me about it like it was just a casual thing, either! We didn’t just fuck, and you know that. I promised that I wasn’t going to just disappear from your life again, do you not trust me?”

Elizabeth felt a jab of guilt hit her in the gut. Harry had obviously overheard her and Matt’s conversation, but she was frustrated because she didn’t know how to handle the situation. What was she supposed to do? It’s not like they were dating.

“Harry, I don’t know what you thought was going to come out of this. We got carried away last night and we had sex,” she sighed, grabbing his hands, “Listen, whatever this thing we have is, I just don’t want to make a huge fuss about it. Let’s just carry on with our day and have fun. I really don’t want to argue with you. Please?”

Harry stared into her eyes for a while before giving in, “Fine. But I’m going to prove you wrong, Lizzy Miller. I won’t hurt you again.”

She shook her head, joking, “Jeez, you boys are so sensitive today,” earning a pat on the butt from Harry as they made their way down the stairs.

Everyone had decided to go to the fair, and Daisy brought a few disposable cameras to use while they were there. Since all of the boys had driven to the house they decided to take three of their cars to get there. Elizabeth drove in Matt’s car with Harry and Daisy in the back. Matt was obsessed with the song “Boyfriend” by Tyler Cassidy and blasted it on repeat so loudly that the car interior rattled as they drove the 8 minutes to town, screaming the lyrics. Daisy stuck her head out the window, throwing her hands in the air and Harry laughed in the backseat next to her.

When they pulled into the parking lot they all grouped together and made a game plan for Harry in case he was noticed and things got crazy. He was given the keys to Lewis’ car for a quick escape. There was a good amount of people there for it being 11 AM, but it wasn’t terrible. They suspected a lot more people would be coming later that night. They all chipped in and paid for Harry and Elizabeth’s tickets as a prize for making it through the dare card and winning the ‘Spill It’ game, which earned knowing glances between the two, and they headed inside.

Jimmy, Matt, Owen, and Heather started off with some of the ring toss games while the rest of them wanted to get on some rides. The first ride they went on was the Music Express. It sat four to a seat and Elizabeth decided to sit with Kate, Lewis, and Daisy. Funnily enough they started playing an old One Direction song which made the group burst into laughter. Harry was being crushed in between Celeste and Edward, gripping onto his sunglasses and praying that they didn’t fall off.

They decided to hit up the bumper cars next. Harry jumped into a seat and gave Elizabeth a nod to come over, but before she could reach him Daisy had jumped in and smiled. Elizabeth shrugged at him and got into a car with Celeste who had control of the steering.

“She probably wouldn’t flirt with Harry so much if you told her about you and him,” Celeste said quietly.

Elizabeth nodded, “I know, but I don’t even know what’s going on with us. It’s fine. I don’t think she’s his type anyway.”

As soon as the game started, Celeste was off, crashing into strangers and laughing. It didn’t take long for Harry to slam into them from the rear.

“You two are public enemy number one!” He shouted, “Watch it!”

After that, the group kind of switched up a bit. Edward, Celeste, and Daisy had gone on more rides while Matt had joined Elizabeth, Harry, Lewis, and Kate to play more games. Harry had managed to win a small stuffed bear at the balloon and dart game which he offered to Elizabeth. That definitely earned some suspicious looks from their friends, but Elizabeth thought she played it off pretty cool.

Elizabeth, Matt, Lewis, and Kate had given their tokens to play the ‘ball and bucket toss’ while Harry decided to grab something to drink and eat.

“Do you want anything?” He asked them.

Elizabeth looked back sweetly, “Can I have a lemonade, please?”

“Me too!” Kate shouted. He nodded and headed off.

The friends played two more rounds before they noticed that Harry wasn’t back yet. It was starting to get closer to dinner time and they needed start heading back to the house to cook their Sunday roast. By that point Daisy and Jimmy had joined them and they all looked around, wondering where he could have gone.

“Is that him?” Jimmy pointed out.

They looked over and saw Harry laughing with a tall guy about their age wearing a white tee with the sleeves rolled up and his dirty blonde hair pushed back. His arms were covered in full length tattoo sleeves and he had four friends with him.

“Shit, must be fans. Should we go save him?” Daisy asked.

The group looked over at them more intently and the realization must have hit them all at once because there were different variations of gasps.

“Holy shit,” Kate drawled, looking at Elizabeth in shock, “Is he talking to your ex?”

Fuck.

KEEP READING

#Harry Styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles oneshot #one direction #one direction fanfic #one direction fanfiction #like we used to #h

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supernaturaltfwmeme · 4 years

Text

Between the lines. Part 1

Summary; The reader is at stanford with Sam and a few other familiar faces. She gets introduced to Dean, an FBI agent for help with a paper. The two grow even closer when Dean learns about her daughter and her troublesome situation. Check out the other parts here.

Paring; Dean x reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of abuse.

A/N; Just wanted to say a huge thank you to @waywardaardvark79 for you help and support with this. you should check her stuff out she is an incredible writer. Tags are open

You were sitting in the same hard, uncomfortable chair you’d been sitting in for hours staring at the laptop screen in front of you the blank page almost taunting you. You let out a groan before letting your head fall onto your folded arms.

“That bad huh?” You heard a familiar voice tease from behind you.

“You have no idea Charlie.” You Said turning to face the red head. That’s when you noticed she wasn’t alone. Standing just behind your best friend and towering over her was your other best friend Sam.

“Heya Sam.”

“Hey y/n/n what you working on?” Sam asked glancing over at your laptop.

“I have a paper due for my psychology class, we have to interview someone in law enforcement and find out why they went for that job and stuff like that but the only guy I could get an interview with just asked me to come to a bar told me it was because he liked guns and proceeded to try and chat me up and ask asked me to go home with him. I’ve been trying to look for someone else to interview but I've got nothing. I’m wondering whether I should just make it up.”

“Damn that sucks y/n/n.” Charlie said. Sam looking like a light bulb had just appeared above his head.

“When’s it due?” He asked you, pulling out his phone.

“In 2 weeks.”

“Leave It with me I'll get you that interview.” Sam put his phone to his ear walking away leaving you with just Charlie.

“What was that all about.” She asked you with a confused look on her face.

“Hell if I know.”

“So me, Sam and Jess are going out for some drinks tomorrow night are you in?”

“I can’t Charlie.”

“Why not? You never come out with us.”

“I have some things to take care of.” Before Charlie could push the issue any further, Sam walked back over to you both snapping his phone shut.

“Problem solved y/n/n I've got you an interview with a member of law enforcement”

“What how?” You asked amazed, you’d been trying to get anybody to be willing to be interviewed all week with no success and Sam had done it in a two-minute phone call.

“I have connections.” He teased.

“It’s not like some boring traffic cop is it.” You joked.

“Actually it’s an FBI agent.” Sam beamed at you, clearly proud of himself.

“What? How the hell did you manage to land that?”

“You remember Dean? You met him last year at my birthday party?”

“You mean you hot older brother?” Sam pulled a face

“Someone has a crush.” Charlie joked making you roll your eyes

“Yeah, well he’s an FBI agent and he kinda owed me a favour.”

“Woah, Sam I don’t even know how to thank you.”

“I’ll think of something.” Sam teased.

“When is it?”

“Tomorrow afternoon, around 2.”

“Sam tomorrows a Saturday...”

“Y/n What is it with you and weekends?” Charlie asked genuinely curious. You were always busy on weekends no matter what but never gave anyone an explanation as to why.

“I told you on weekends I have...”

“Stuff to do.” Both Sam and Charlie said in unison. They had heard you make that excuse a million times.

“I’m sorry y/n but he’s busy during the week with work.” Sam genuinely looked a little guilty about that.

“No it’s fine you’ve helped me out a lot, I'll just have to move some stuff around.”

“I’ll text you his number and you two can work out the details.” Sam said before Checking his watch. “I gotta go but I'll catch up with you guys later.”

“Are you ever gonna explain what your stuff is, I mean I've known you for 3 years now y/n and I still have no idea.” Charlie asked clearly concerned. You sighed, maybe it was time you finally told someone.

“Listen Charlie right now I have somewhere to be but... Come round tonight and I'll explain everything ok.”

“Oh my god seriously, you’re finally gonna tell me.” You nodded your head.

“on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You cannot tell anybody, not even Sam.”

“y/n Your starting to worry me.”

“It’s not bad Charlie it’s just well you’ll see tonight. Come over about 7 and I'll ever cook you dinner.” Charlie agreed before you packed up your stuff and left the library heading to your car.

Later that night.

At exactly 7 o’clock, there was a knock at the door. That had to be Charlie. You walked across your living room and pulled the door open.

“How long have you actually been out here?” You asked trying to hold back a laugh.

“About 10 minutes.” Charlie muttered. You smiled opening the door wider to let her in.

“I can’t believe in 3 years of friendship I've never been inside your house.” Charlie stated taking in everything.

“Charlie there is somebody I think you should meet.”

“It’s not your boyfriend again is it y/n? Cause we didn’t exactly get on last time.”

“No Daniel is traveling for work again. He’s hardly ever here to be honest but anyway.” You walked into the kitchen and there were three places set at the table. “I’ll be right back.” You said to Charlie before walking upstairs. When you returned you were carrying a little girl on your hip, she looked just like you with long y/h/c hair falling in waves down her back, and bright eyes. She had light freckles dusted over her face.

“This is my friend Charlie.” You said speaking to the little girl before turning back to Charlie. “Charlie this is Amelia, my daughter.” Charlie’s jaw was hanging in shock. She practically had to pick it up off the floor. When she got over her shock her face split into the biggest grin before speaking to Amelia.

“Hi Amelia, I'm you aunt Charlie.” You couldn’t help but smile at that. Maybe you should of done this sooner.

“Hi” Amelia said smiling brightly at Charlie. She never had been a shy kid, always willing to talk to anyone about anything. Amelia turned to you “Mommy Can Aunt Charlie play in my room with me.”

“After dinner baby.” You replied setting her down at the table. And plating up dinner.

Over dinner Charlie barely said a word to you, her and Amelia to buys asking each other a million questions. Not that you minded. Charlie learned that Amelia was 4, her favourite colour was purple, and she loved to draw.

Around nine you put Amelia to bed, sitting down on the couch with Charlie to have a drink. You just knew she would have a million questions for you.

“So this is why you never come out and can’t do anything on weekends?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah I don’t really like the idea of leaving her with a stranger.”

“What about when Daniels home, can’t you leave her with him?”

“That’s complicated Charlie,” Something about the way you said that and the look in your eye made Charlie feel uneasy but she decided not to push it for now, you’d shared enough tonight.

“She is Daniels kid though right?”

“no but he’s good with her. I Got pregnant with Amelia when I was like 18, I had her at 19.”

“Damn that must have been hard.”

“yeah but I wouldn’t trade her for the world.” you smiled.

“So how come you never told anybody about her?” You knew that question was coming and you had no idea how to answer it without upsetting Charlie.

“I have a lot of trust issues Charlie; I don’t even have anything to do with my own parents anymore. They kicked me out when they found out I was pregnant. Even her excuse for a dad was against us keeping her and bailed on me. I just convinced myself if nobody knew about her they couldn’t hurt us again.” You explained but know you said it out loud it sounded stupid, you and Charlie had been friends for 3 years and you’d never told her about your daughter. But tonight, had gone better than you had expected.

“Hey I get that but I'm really glad you decided to tell me, I've always wanted a niece.” Charlie smiled at you before continuing. “You know Sam and Jess would be great with her too. You don’t have to be scared about us reacting like that y/n/n/”

“I know but I'm just not ready to tell anybody else yet.”

“Hey I could babysit for you tomorrow while you meet Dean.” Charlie said changing the subject sensing that you were feeling a little uncomfortable.

“Honestly Charlie as nervous as I am about leaving her with someone else, there is nobody else I would rather it be than you.” You smiled at the red head.

The next day

You dropped Amelia off at Charlies place around one thirty, before making your way to a café not too far from Stanford. Once inside you took a seat and sent Dean a quick text to let him know you were here. You didn’t get a reply but you heard a rumble of a car engine making you look out the window to see the most gorgeous car pull. And a man just as perfect climb out. Dean. Damn you’d forgotten how good looking he was in person.

Dean walked inside the small café and looked around his eyes glaze fixing to yours and he smiled making his way over to you.

“y/n/n Long time no see.” Dean said with a cocky grin plastered on his face. Of course, Sam told him you nickname.

“Nice to see you again too dean.” You smiled as dean took a seat across from you.

“Nice car, what is she a 68?”

“67.” Dean corrected smiling proudly and a little surprised. “You know about cars?”

“A little, my Dad used to fix them up with an old friend of his, I learned a thing or to.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Anyway, thank you so much for doing this. Do you mind if we start?” you asked glancing at the note book in front of you.

“No problem sweetheart, ask away.” Dean smiled leaning back in his Chair his arms folded over his chest.

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gustafsnightangel · 4 years

Text

Shattered Lives Ch 5 Pt 2

“I’m sorry.” She said again and watched him go and change Lily.

She’d forgotten how sensitive he was under all the bravado, all the goofiness, all the humor. She had hurt him last night. Not from what she said but by her actions.

She was standing in the kitchen when he came out. He slipped a hand around her hip and pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” She said again and turned to face him.

“Let it go now, it’s done.” He said and held her briefly before Lily wanted to go to Sildie. “I’m not angry at you ok?” She nodded and smiled at Lily.

They talked some more while the boys enjoyed their movie. Lily was happy to sit with Gustaf.

At six there was a knock at the door and Gustaf watched Sildie frown. She answered it to find pizza and drinks. She turned and leveled a state at Gustaf. He just grinned. What was she going to do he thought?

The boys whooped and hollered thanking Gustaf for the pizza as they chowed down sitting on the couch.

“Pizza? Really?” She said as she sat down.

“Dinner solved, no prep time, no dishes, and you get a night off too.” He said and watched as she accepted it and shook her head.

“You waste way too much money on us.” She said.

“My money to waste and I’d rather see you and the kids happy and smiling. It was a rough start to the day. I wanted an easier end to it for you.”

“Well you’ve done that.” She chuckled. “And it’s appreciated. She’s happy with you.” She said watching Lily.

“I’ve had practice.” He said and saw her confusion.

“When my parents split, my mother was diagnosed with cancer shortly after, she beat it, she’s still with us. Dad was off with work and his soon to be new wife and my brother Alex had left for the USA. I was the eldest at home. I practically raised my siblings and believe me there were times I wanted to murder them in their sleep too. But I love them, I’m proud of them, even though I had to endure diapers.” He said softly.

“That must have been rough, how old were you?”

“Sixteen going on thirty.” He grinned. He hesitated, he had to come clean with her.

“Can I be honest with you a moment?” He asked.

“Best way to be.” She said and knew something was up.

“What I’m going to tell you is in the past and has stayed there for the last five years. It’s not who I am now.” He looked at her and saw the lawyer surface. Just like her he had a past and they needed to get it all out before diving into a relationship.

“I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug user. I haven’t done drugs since I was twenty three and I haven’t had alcohol for five years and I plan to stay that way.” He said and looked at her. The hard lawyer was looking back. Fuck! He thought I’m so fucked.

“It’s the past and as long as it stays there I have no problem with it or you. But.” She said gently and he knew what was coming.

“Any part of that life touches me or the four kids in this room, we won’t just be done, I’ll end you. To be fair that’s part of the issues I have to deal with Dana’s family and I will protect them at all costs, even from you.” She said bluntly. No matter how much it will break my heart she added silently.

“Fair enough.” He looked down at the baby cradled in his arms. “I’m not that person anymore.”

“I know you’re not.” She smiled.

“You know.” He said leaning close to her. “You’re beautiful when you let the lawyer shine through.” He said and grinned.

She sipped her tea and almost choked.

“I think you need your eyes checked.” She whispered.

“Nope, still beautiful.” He said in that tone. He knew it made her want him. He could see her body vibrate with need when he said it.

“Even Lily thinks so.” With that Lily squealed and pat a hand on Sildies cheek. “See. You’re outvoted.”

She gave the kids an extra hour before bed to play games with Gustaf and so she could shower in peace.

She put Lily down and got the kids squared away and spent some time with the twins leaving Brendan and Gustaf to talk. She had a book to read to them anyway and it was getting to the good bits.

“I’m sorry for saying that stuff to you today.” Brendan said standing next to Gustaf in the kitchen.

“It’s in the past, let it be, it’s ok. We all grieve differently.”

“No I meant about you not being my dad.” He mumbled.

“Oh.” Gustaf said and it dawned on him. “Brendan we only get one mum, one dad, once they’re gone they’re gone. Yours went way before their time. I can’t replace your father, just like Sildie, although family, can’t replace your mother, no one can. But I can be like one if you want? Or just a friend. Or nothing at all. Ons totally up to you and I’m not going to get all butt hurt with whatever you choose.” He shrugged.

“Either way you slice it I get to hang out with you, it’s all good. I like Sildie. I like the four of you. Let it see where it ends up.” He left it at that. He didn’t want to add to the baggage as Sildie put it.

Brendan nodded. “Thanks for the mask.”

“You like it?”

Brendan looked over to make sure Sildie was in the other room.

“It’s fucking awesome.” He grinned. “She doesn’t like me swearing.”

“Don’t let her catch you then.” And he winked.

The kid caught him off guard and hugged him, tight. Gustaf wrapped his arms around him and held the kid close. He needed a dad like hug, an older male that ’got it’.

“Goodnight.” He said and went to bed.

“Night and happy birthday.”

Gustaf made tea and sat it on the coffee table and waited for Sildie. He wanted to snuggle with her and watch a movie. He wanted to kiss her and make love to her but that wasn’t happening tonight like he’d planned.

It was going to kill him to wait that long he thought because it wasn’t happening here on her couch rushed. He would seduce her, take his time with her. Make her tremble for him.

“You look like you’re lost in thought there.” She said sitting beside him.

“Yeah I was sorry.” He laughed. Lost in thought about how he was going to make this stunning woman scream his name all night long.

“Hey, I’m sorry about last night and offering you a drink.” She said hastily.

“Sildie don’t. It’s fine. You didn’t know anyway.’ He said pouring the tea. “Besides it’s good for me. I’m in control. Sometimes I need a reminder that everything good in my life can be fucked up and ruined beyond repair with one decision.”

“Can I ask what’s drugs you did?” She was a little nervous at asking but she had to know what she was getting into.

“Pot when I was twelve, harder stuff when I was sixteen. Alcohol as well until I was thirty three and called it quits on all of it before it ruined my life.” He wasn’t ashamed to talk about it and he actually found it took a weight off him to tell her.

“Thank you.” She said. “For being honest with me about it.”

“Always. There’s one other thing, non addiction thing I want to get out in the open.” He said. “I was married before. Young and stupid.” He chuckled. “Not married now.”

She smiled at him. “We’re all young and stupid at some point in our lives.”

“I would wager you’re the young and not so stupid type. Bookworm.” He said studying her.

It was that look that made her melt.

“Young and stupid with a twin.” She smiled. Twice the fun, twice the stupid.”

“Tell me about him?” He asked and saw her smile faulted a little but she went on.

“We were hellish until our parents passed. That wised us up a little, we were nine. My brother was the rebel, I was, as you say, bookish. I mean take a look around and the profession I went into. Books, notes, study, and research galore.”

“We used to prank the old lady next door. Poor thing. I bet she was happy when we eventually went to stay with my grandfather. Quinn was a prankster, a goofball, but one of the kindest, gentlest souls around. You remind me of him sometimes.” She smiled.

“He used to always sneak into my room and use my window to escape out of when he wanted to hang with his buddies at night because my room wasn’t next to gramps room. Or when we were the twins age he would sneak into my room and sleep next to me and hold my hand. It’s a closeness I can’t explain and now that he’s gone it feels like a part of me went with him. It’ll like I’m missing a limb sometimes.”

“I wish I could bring him back for you.” He said and played with the stray strands at her jaw.

“Me too.”

“Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure. Let me get the hall door real quick and the monitor.” She got up and Gustaf chose a movie on her watch list. He’d seen it before but that was fine. He was more interested in seducing her while she tried to watch it.

She sat the monitor on the table and sat close to Gustaf while they drank the rest of their tea. The kids were asleep, she’d checked and those butterflies had come to sit in her belly again. He’d been touching her all day and wondered if he’d kiss her.

With tea finished and the movie underway he pulled her against him and lay back.

“You realize I’m liable to fall asleep like this.” She said quietly.

“Then fall asleep.” He kissed the top of her head. “It’s not like I have far to go to get home.”

She would have fallen asleep except for the one finger trailing her body. It excited her, aroused her, tormented her. There were times when he’d hesitate to make her think he was going to take it one step further and then back off. His game of seduction was ecstasy and driving her to insanity.

By the time the movie ended she wanted him to touch her in those places he hadn’t gone to. That wasn’t going to happen though. Their night had come to an end and she was emotionally exhausted.

Once against she stood in the doorway and he was going home alone. Fate had decided they had to wait.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” He asked leaning his forearm on the door frame.

She shook her head. “We’re out tomorrow at soccer for the twins and then school Monday.” She said and bit her bottom lip because he was so close to her she wanted to pull him closer and kiss him.

“Dinner in three weeks then?” He smiled.

“Hopefully we can make that one happen.” Her heart rate had soared.

“It’s going to happen.” He said seductively and kissed her temple.

“I’m out of town for a few weeks. I’ll be back for our dinner.” He said softly. “And tea the Friday night before.”

He let his finger trail her jaw as his lips brushed her neck. He could tell she was aroused as her breath hitched as he kissed the one spot on a woman’s neck that drove them wild.

“I don’t want to leave.” He whispered. “Because I want to do more than touch you.”

“I don’t want you to leave.” Her voice wasn’t steady. “But we can’t.”

“I understand, but know that when I get you alone I’m not going to stop until I have you.” He said in that low tone that made her quiver.

“Shall I give you a preview?” He murmured against her ear grinning.

She chuckled. “I think you’ve been giving me a preview all day.”

He lifted her chin and looked at her. Those ice blue eyes looked back and he drowned in them. Cupping his hand at the back of her neck he kissed her. He gently pressed her against the doorframe and had to contain the urge to deepen it and devour that mouth.

One kiss, light, but seductive and it almost made her pass out as he stole her breath.

“To be continued.” He murmured against her mouth.

She looked at him. She wanted more, he could see it.

“That’s not playing fair.” She said with a smirk and let her fingers toy with the fabric of his shirt. They itched to dive under and touch him more.

“If I kiss you like I want to.” He growled nipping her jaw lightly. “I’ll do more than just kiss you.” He kissed her temple. “I want you Sildie, but I want it to be right.” His fingers played with her hair. “For you and the kids.”

“You’re in for a long night when we have our dinner then.” She said softly as he brushed his lips over her neck again.

“Count on it.” He said. “Goodnight Sildie. Inside lock the door.” He smiled.

“Night.” She said not really breathing steadily yet.

She went inside, shut and locked the door and grinned. He’d kissed her. He’d kissed her and she felt giddy. She wasn’t going to be able to keep the grin from her face for the next few weeks.

The weeks away from her and the kids dragged. He couldn’t wait to get home and prepare for their dinner. He thought of her often and realized that he’s fallen for her. For her and the kids.

The weeks Gustaf was away went like lightning. Thank God she thought. Because she was crawling out of her own skin to be with him.

Between her case load and the kids she was heading into Friday and looking forward to their tea date. Question was could they keep their hand off each other until Saturday she thought smiling to herself.

She dropped Brendan off at hockey camp. The kid almost peed his pants with excitement. It was good to see him happy and getting some normality back into his life.

The twins got some rare time with the Xbox, just them, and Lily helped her with some notes and went down without any fuss. She got the boys to bed without incident and settled with some reading for work.

The light knock at her door snapped her out of it and she grinned. Opening the door she had to bite her bottom lip and stifle the groan at seeing him in suit pants and dress shirt.

“You look as if you just stepped off a plane.” She said and invited him in.

“That’s because I have.” He said and as soon as she’d shut the door he cupped a hand behind her neck, pulled her to him and devoured that mouth he spent the last few weeks craving.

“I’ve thought of nothing but that moment for weeks now.” He said, breaking the kiss and stepping back.

She rested her hand on his chest. “Give me a moment ok?” Her head was swimming. The guy knew how to kiss a girl.

She went and checked on the kids and shut the hall door. Somewhat private at least she thought because she wanted to kiss him more tonight.

“I’m sorry Sildie.” He said as she came into the kitchen. “I shouldn’t have don...”

She pressed herself against him, wrapped an arm around his waist, a hand at his cheek, and kissed him. His hands found her hips and held her to him as he deepened it.

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.” She said breathlessly and his smile was as big as hers.

“I’ve missed you.” He kissed her again. “And the kids. My world has been very quiet.”

“I’ve missed you too. My world not as quiet but It’s been a hectic few weeks.”

“You know.” He said slyly. “I like it when you’re all lawyered up.” He flipped the top button of her shirt open and let his finger wander. “Especially this shirt.”

“And whys that?” She chuckled but let him have his fun.

“Because it’s see-through and I get glimpses of the black lace you have on under it and it drives me crazy. You do that deliberately don’t you?” His lips brushed her neck.

“Of course.” She chuckled and turned the kettle off before it broke into full song and woke the kids.

She turned and made tea and his hand encircled her waist pressing him against her.

“Can you make it over earlier tomorrow?�� He asked brushing his lips over the nape of her neck.

“I’ll be over as soon as I get the kids squared away. One down three to go.” And good lord could the man reduce her to goo when he put his mind to it, and his hands on her.

“Hockey camp right?” He kissed the nape of her neck down her shoulder where he’d pulled the fabric of her shirt aside to give him access.

“For two glorious weeks. The twins are at a sleep over tomorrow and not back until late Monday and Lily bear gets to hang out here with the sitter. Which thank you by the way. She’s awesome.” She had to keep talking because his fingers and mouth were making her rethink her decision of waiting until they were away from the kids.

“My agent found her, completely vetted.” His said and nipped her ear. “Turn around.” He whispered and she did without his hands leaving her.

“I like you in heels, you’re the same height as me.” He flipped open the next button down and let his finger graze the rise of her breasts. “I want to peel you out of this.” He growled. “Slowly.”

“We can’t Gustaf.” She warned softly and her voice faltered. “As much as I’d love you to.” She was less than steady at the sensations he was inflicting on her.

“That’s the last button I promise.” He kissed her tenderly. “For now.”

“I’ll wear it tomorrow.” She whispered and trailed her finger down his chin and kissed him.

“Wear something comfortable. I can peel you out of your suit another time.” He winked. “Gives me something else to think about when I’m away from you.”

They sat on the couch so she didn’t have to tidy up her work.

Tea in hand, curled up next to him, she rested her head on his arm that ran along the back of the couch. His hand played with the strands of hair that had escaped her hair clip. He’d never seen her with her hair down, something he’d remedy tomorrow. He wanted to run his fingers through it.

“You’re exhausted.” She said softly. “Where did you fly in from?”

“The US. It’s been a long couple of weeks. Busy too.”

“You should go and sleep after this cup.” She said and leaned forward to kiss him gently. “You’re going to need your energy.”

That sly smile had him growling against her lips and he devoured her mouth again.

His eyes searched hers. “You’re beautiful Sildie. I don’t say that enough to you.”

She looked at him and that slight smile touched her lips before she kissed him with a tenderness he’d never felt from her before.

“Go sleep. I’ll be over as soon as I can tomorrow.” She kissed him again softly. “See what you’ve started. Now I can’t stop.”

“I don’t ever want you to stop.” He murmured.

“The sitter is over at nine so I don’t have to drag Lily out in the weather. I might even make it over for lunch.” It was her turn to let her fingers wander. She loved the feel of his chest under her fingers. Defined and strong.

“Lunch and dinner. When does the sitter leave?”

“Not until I come home.” She said and looked at him.

“Well obviously but... oh.” He grinned as it dawned on him. “Ama gets her own sleepover. Damn I must be tired of it took me that long to click.”

“Only if you want me to stay.”

“Oh I want you to stay.” He kissed her so she couldn’t think.

“Go and sleep. You’re nearly there as it is.” She said and got up. She wanted to get an early night too.

They stood in the doorway like normal and he kissed her again.

“I love it when you kiss me like that.” She said softly.

“I’ll remember to do it more often.” He smiled and kissed her again.

“Go and sleep.” She laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He kissed her again. “Inside.”

“Lock the door. I know.” She chuckled.

How had she fallen for him so hard she thought.

The sitter was early which thrilled Sildie. She had the twins packed off to their friends for sleepover on the dot of nine which made the boys happy from both families as they were spending the day fishing at the lake.

She had enough time to get back home, shower, and find the matching black lace set she planned to have Gustaf peel her out of. She had a casual shirt that was more see through than her work shirt and decided on that and a lightweight pair of jeans. Probably less dressy than she would have worn going out but he said be comfortable. She’d still make him lose his mind.

It was 10:45am by the time she was standing at his door and hesitated. Should she wait until lunch time? Was it too early. The nervousness was back and she almost chickened out.

“Don’t be an idiot.” She mumbled and knocked quietly.

#gustaf skarsgard #all the feels #Shattered Lives Ch 5 Pt 2

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minsyal · 4 years

Text

Stan83, [Sam x Reader]

Word Count: 6k

Summary: The life of a hunters assistant wasn’t easy, especially when two of them come knocking on your door posing as Agents investigating the recent deaths in the area.

Warnings: General SPN stuff, nothing crazy

This was the third time you had woken in the middle of the night. This was the third time you had jolted upward in bed only to find an empty room and unsettling feeling falling to the pit of your stomach. This was the third time you had searched your home in the dark of night with an old metal baseball bat that you kept beneath your bed. This was the third time you had found countless open windows with no recollection of leaving them so. This was the third time you had come to the conclusion that nobody was here. It was just you.

It was later than usual, or perhaps simply earlier in the morning. The clock on your bedside table blinked on and off in big red numbers “4:45 AM.” Your job wasn’t exactly a nine to five with a set lunch break and mandatory stopping points throughout the day. You were an on-call, entirely electronic, assistant to the vast grapevine of hunters that so chose to reach out. Who they were didn’t matter to you. For all you knew, you were telling vampires how to kill one another and witches where to find the ingredients they needed for an unsuspecting ghoul.

The tradition passed through generations of your family, from grandfather to father and now to you. Your father had decided he wanted more thrill in his life; he didn’t want to be tied down to his computer desk for the rest of eternity. That decision led to hunting, and within months he had passed. Your mother, on the other hand, was a runaway. She abandoned the family as soon as she learned of your father’s secret life.

Ice crept from the old, cracked tiles of your kitchen. Fall’s spiny fingers had wretched themselves from the ground and were now climbing your legs, sending chills up your spine. The tiles weren’t helping much. They hadn’t seen white in years and were now permanently stained what you preferred to call cream. Going bad to bed, while the best outcome of the night, was no use as your phone and computer lit up with five new notifications all from “Stan83.”

Hey, crazy story. Need your help.

Hunting – little to no details – marks on victims

You there?

It can wait if you’re busy.

Sorry if this wakes you up.

Stan83 had quickly become one of your favorite hunters to converse with. He, you assumed, was in his late twenties to early thirties based on the “83” in his name. He had told you little to no information about himself other than the fact that he hunted with his brother and moved all over the country. Your conversations were more casual: what did you have for lunch, what are you hunting today, what type of music do you like, what’s up. The simple things. A few conversations spiraled. It was rare for them to happen. Only when big things happened and Stan83 had no one else to talk to would he pick up the phone and send a text.

Picking your mug up from the counter, you flicked the kitchen light off and started for your room where you’d likely spend the rest of the day. Your desk was a mess. Books littered the surface opened to all sorts of weird information that anyone would have you locked in an institution for. Scribbled notes were pinned up on your wall that detailed the whereabouts of those you spoke with. If they didn’t contact you for about a month, you’d contact them.

You didn’t wake me up. You responded, waiting for only a moment before a small text bubble popped up indicating that the person on the other side was typing.

You sure? It’s 5:00am. Stan83 answered. It was easy to imagine the tone he used, a little sarcastic, a little smug.

That wasn’t you. It was the nightmares. It’s 5 for you too? Finally taking a spin in the BEST time zone, huh?

The best time zone that spans about 600 miles?

Ok, sass me then. What’s up?

Weird hunt. Women in this town are dying at a pretty fast rate. Their children are acting strange. Weird marks on their necks are making fathers think they’re cheating.

I’ll take a look through what I have and get back to you.

Thank you Sav!

Sav, your own nick. It was the easiest to think of on the spot when your old system had gone kaput and you needed to as quickly as possible set up a new database and communication network. It’s short for saver, or savior, or whatever the hell these hunters wanted to believe. Maybe it meant savvy but given the state of your home and wardrobe you wouldn’t put money on that.

The rest of the morning consisted of research. Each lore book and journal your father left behind was thoroughly scanned through with big yellow sticky notes marking the pages that held possible leads. With your luck, you’d be able to message Stan83 back by noon with possibilities. That is, you would have been able to message Stan83 back if your doorbell hadn’t rung 13 times in a row at an alarming rate.

You passed by the entry hall warily. Nobody in this town really knew you, and you didn’t care to know them either. The only people who dared step foot on your property were usually city officials complaining of the broken window on your small garage or political campaigners who were being paid to pester and harp on people for votes.

The figures beyond were large, looming even. Two dark shadows were cast over your frosted-glass door and you watched as the shorter of the two raised his hand once more to ring the bell another five times. “I’m coming!” You finally yelled back, turning quickly to the mirror in your hall that held no particular purpose, but it was supposedly your mothers. You looked awful. If the garage hadn’t scared off whoever stood beyond your home’s threshold, your physical appearance definitely would.

Loose hairs fell from the messy, slept-in ponytail that hung lazily and lopsided at the back of your head. Your skin was flushed from the lack of breakfast, and now lunch as you had lost track of time attempting to help one of your favorite hunters. The shirt you wore was luckily clean, but the sweatpants had small holes from where they had caught on the kitchen counter and torn.

“What can I do for you?” You asked without bothering to look at the two men standing on your front porch. Nobody knew of your “hunting” life, so there was a slim to no possibility of any real threat coming to your door. Unless, of course, these were tax collectors coming to repossess something for another unpaid credit card.

The shorter of the two men spoke “Agent Stark,” he quickly flashed an ID, “Banner,” he motioned to the taller man beside him, “we’re here to investigate the deaths of a few of your neighbors. Do you mind if we come in?”

You took a moment, Stark and Banner, really? “Let me get a look at that ID.” You nodded your head in the direction of his coat pocket where he had neatly tucked the leather protected card. Agent Banner acted faster. “Here.”

Banner, or whoever this was, was far taller than the man who self-identified himself as Tony Stark. He had the classic triangle shape to his body, broad shoulders, slim waist. His hair was formally tucked back from his face, but strands kept falling from his ears as he shifted from foot to foot waiting for your determination. Mr. Stark was shorter, but still a giant none-the-less. He had a finely set jaw, green eyes, and a short business-cut style to his hair.

“Mr. Banner.” You pressed your lips together. The ID was awful. The leather was fake, scratched and worn from what you guessed to be a few uses. “Where’d you get this ID?” Twisting it in your hand, you offered it back to him.

“The Federal Bureau of Investigation, ma’m.” He replied smoothly, not showing how his heart rate picked up at your questioning of their identities.

“In some back alley?” You shrugged. “At least choose realistic names next time.”

“Look.” Agent Stark stiffened as he crossed his arms over his chest. Agent Banner immediately went wide-eyed and motioned for him to stop whatever he was about to do. “We’re here to investigate your neighbor’s deaths. Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?”

Waiting a moment, you held your grip on the door, willing it to close any second. “You got guns on you?” An eyebrow raise from Agent Stark confirmed your suspicions.

“Leave them in your little muscle car over there.” You peered between them at the black Impala parked on the road. It was pristine, well taken care of, clearly waxed recently. “Then come back and we can talk.”

Hunters, while difficult to talk to online, are insufferable in person. These big meat heads always want to get their way. They never relent and admit they’re wrong or they’ve been caught. So, when the two nodded and began off your doorstep toward the car, you were taken aback.

Both unloaded two guns from their waistbands. “Other weapons too!” You yelled from the step. Agent Stark grumbled something inaudible as Agent Banner seemed to soothe him.

Why are all you hunters so horrible? You typed into your phone, smiling as you pressed send and immediately saw Stan83 typing back.

What happened this time?

Real hunters interrupting my work! I think I got you guys some leads though. Will tell you later. Gotta deal with these bozos.

Bozos? Really?

Guess I inherited my father’s vocabulary too.

“Alright, Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk.” You were perched upon the arm of one of your recliners, arms crossed over your chest as you eyed the two men looking out of place in your small living room. “You’re hunters, I know. Real names?”

“I’m Sam.” The taller of the two said, being stopped with an arm over his chest from the shorter one. “What?” He shook his head. “She obviously knows…”

“Too much.” The shorter one said. “Who are you?”

“Nobody important.”

“Important enough to know what hunting is.”

“[Y/N.]” You replied, shifting in your seat. “Ok, your turn.”

“Dean.”

“Last names?”

“Confidential.”

“Mhm.” You hummed, really uncaring of their last names but trying to pry anyway. Sam tilted his head, looking around the house. “What do you think you’re hunting?”

“Aren’t sure yet.” Sam piped up, snapping his attention back to you. “Have you been keeping up with the news here lately?”

“I rarely leave this place. I don’t even know my neighbors.”

“We can tell.” Dean chimed in earning himself a heavy elbow to the gut. Sam shot him a dirty look before turning back to you. “A couple of women have died. Their husbands think they’re cheating on them, but after they pass their children disappear too.”

“Sounds like a changeling.”

“Told you.” Dean commented, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back on the couch.

“Grab some matches and go crazy.” You pushed yourself up from your chair. “Wait here a second.” Escaping to the back hall, you returned to your desk and began to gather a few things about changelings that you had read this morning.

I think we figured it out. A message stopped you from returning to Sam and Dean. It was Stan83.

No, wait I figured it out first.

Why didn’t you tell me, then?

Because I like keeping secrets from you.

“Hurry up back there, will you?” Dean’s voice called from the living room.

“Hold your horses.”

“My what?” You heard Dean whisper to Sam who either didn’t respond or responded quietly. “Dude would you get off your phone?”

“Here. A couple pages in this should help. I’d loan them to you, but I’m not sure I’d get them back.” The books landed on the coffee table in front of the two. Dean began palming through the contents while Sam sat glued to his phone, typing something quickly.

“Did you not listen to me a second ago?” Dean bickered. “Phone, off. Hunt, now.”

Sam pressed something speedily, closing his phone before pocketing it out of sight. Your phone in your own pocket buzzed, causing you and Sam to stop. Dean hadn’t noticed, he was enthralled in the journal you had presented to him. “Where’d you get this?” He asked, not looking away from the page.

“Grandfather had it.” You began to pull your phone out of your pocket. “He passed it down from one of his hunting buddies to my father and now to me.”

Secrets are supposed to be for crushes and broken plates, not things that are killing people.

Oops! You typed back slowly, eyeing Sam who was doing the same. When you hit send a notification rang from his pocket causing Dean to groan.

“Stan83?” The words scrambled from your lips before your tongue had time to catch them. Dean snorted as he shook his head and flipped the journal’s page.

“Sav?” Sam replied as Dean gave yet another snort, this time accompanied by a head shake. “Are we still bozos?”

“You called us bozos?” Dean chuckled.

~~*~~

Sam is Stan83. You’re Sav. That much you can say for sure. After the initial shock of it all, you quickly mellowed out and fled to the back room to gather the materials you were saving to message Stan83 with. Turns out, you had just saved yourself an hour of typing.

Stan83 was far different from Sam. Stan83 presented himself as a somewhat sarcastic, confident, flirtatious man while Sam sat much smaller despite his frame. He was clumsy and nervous, stumbling over a few of his words before catching himself as he went full speed down a hill. When he had attempted to describe what he looked like, he was being modest. He said he was tall, had an average build, brown hair, and liked to run. You had assumed he was skinnier and less muscle.

Sam blushed at each comment you made concerning your conversations online; you could never imagine Stan83 to be a blusher. He was so different, yet so similar. In a way, it was endearing.

“So, it’s targeting women on this block?” You frowned; your hand outstretched to Dean as he accepted the coffee you had just made. “Good thing I’ve got no kids.” You joked.

“That’s the thing, though.” Sam had long since discarded his blazer and was now sitting in the armchair you had initially been sitting on. “It’s targeting all women. We think there may be more than one.”

“Well, yeah. Changelings have kids.”

“No, he means more than one adult changeling.” Dean added.

“They don’t typically work together like that, though.”

“Which is why we think it’s weird.”

“So, what’s the plan?”

The two brothers waited a moment before seemingly conversing without a single audible word. Dean raised his eyebrows, eyes moving back and forth between you and Sam. Sam immediately went on the defense. “Dean, no.”

“Come on! You don’t even know what I’m thinking.” Dean pouted. He brought his now-chilled coffee up to his lips, a frown laced upon his lips as the cold bitter liquid spilled over his tongue. “Gah.” He crinkled his face up and bit his lip. “It’s a good plan.”

“What is he talking about?”

“[Y/N],” Dean began, “me and Sam, big dudes. We aren’t exactly this things cup-of-tea. It’s going after women… and you happen to be a woman…”

“You guys want to use me as bait?”

“Correction. He wants to use you as bait.” Sam added.

“I’m not really a hunter though.” You shifted in your seat. “I can’t even shoot a gun.”

“Just think about it.” Dean said. He leant over and grabbed his blazer. Throwing it over his shoulder, he motioned for Sam to do the same. “We’re staying at the motel on highway 62. If you’re up for it, feel free to uh…” he pulled a slip of paper from his pocket – a fake business card, “call us.”

“I have Sam’s number, you know?”

“Right.” Dean withdrew the card and returned it to its rightful home, tucked away in his pocket.

~~*~~

The next day came and went with no contact to either Sam or Dean. You had relented and finally turned on the local news channel. Four women in your neighborhood had passed away with their children all going missing afterward. The fathers were sending out heartfelt pleas for their children’s safe returns. One woman was considered missing and immediately seen as a suspect in the eyes of the law.

You, along with two other women, were the only ones left on the block. One was a daughter living with her single father as she finished up her college degree. The other, a widowed elderly woman living alone with her two dogs.

~~*~~

“She’s not a hunter, Dean. We can’t just expect her to drop everything she knows and jump straight into action.” Sam groaned, throwing his blazer down on the old worn couch. The motel room was as they left it. The desk’s chair was pushed out slightly, an open laptop sitting upon the cracked oak wood. Each bed was still neatly made, the two brothers hadn’t had the chance to sleep yet as they only arrived in the morning.

“All she has to do is wait around at her home while we keep an eye on the other two. Something bad happens and we run 50 feet.”

“What if 50 feet is too much? She could get hurt.”

Dean pulled his shirt over his head, adjusting the neck before accessorizing with a blue button-up. He ran his fingers through his hair, wiping the excess gel on his jeans. Sam sat on the edge of one of the beds, already changed and working away on his computer.

“Fine. Then we have to figure out something else.”

~~*~~

Changelings are awful creatures. Not just awful looking, but awful in general. They act so quietly that it’s hard to detect them before they get their first few kills. Your eyes scanned the screen before you, days since you’d spoken to the brothers. It had been two days of waiting, watching, and hoping they’d finish this hunt.

4:45AM. The clock blinked. On and off, on and off, the red numbers illuminated the room. Your routine stood, wake, check the home, and return to assisting hunters. The window was open. It had been rather nice outside lately. Fall was setting in after a grueling humid summer and you were excited to have a good excuse to stay indoors.

Sorry about the other day. The message popped up around 6, and it took you til 7 to answer.

It’s okay. Typical hunter jazz. No big deal. You responded.

Do you mind if I stop by?

With your brother? This early in the morning?

Just me. Dean’s still sleeping.

You pondered for a moment. Sure, you had been talking to Sam for years at this point, but the Sam you had come to know was so vastly different from the Sam that knocked on your door impersonating the Incredible Hulk. It had been years since you actively attempted to converse with others in person. Your social life had mostly been contained to the world of technology.

Sure, give me 30. You regretted it the moment you hit send. What were you supposed to talk to him about? “No, I don’t want to be bait, but I also don’t want to come across as an asshole who doesn’t care?”

~~*~~

Sam sat, looking comically large, in the small armchair he had taken to the last time he visited. A fresh cup of coffee was warming the palms of his hands, fighting off the cold that spilled in from the windows. You sat on the couch, across from him, mirroring his position.

“So,” you started, breaking the strained silence that fell between you, “have you guys found anything on the changelings?”

“Nothing more than what you told us, and we already knew.” Sam sipped the coffee. “Hey, I uh, do you remember what we talked about a few years ago? That promise?”

Promises were touchy subjects in hunting. Often, they were meaningless. “You mean when I promised I’d quit drinking?”

He laughed, “Close, but no.”

“When I promised I’d never get into hunting?” He nodded. “Don’t worry, Sam. Not planning on…” You closed your eyes and began to speak, but upon opening them found him with a rather pensive look. He almost looked guilty. “You want me to bait the damn thing out, huh?”

“We’re out of leads. Dean and I have been watching the block for the past few days and we have nothing.”

“You’re asking me to break my promise?”

“Just for a night.”

“What happens when I die?”

“You’ll go to heaven.” He said as if there was no question to it. “But that’s not going to happen anytime soon. When it’s over, you’re going to be okay.”

“You promise?”

A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I promise.” He brought the mug to his mouth, “and I won’t break mine like you break yours.”

“Hey!”

~~*~~

That’s how you ended up with all your doors unlocked, most of your windows parked, and a Black Impala parked a few doors down in front of an empty lot. You paced in the living room, nervous for whatever this night would hold. Sam promised you’d be okay, and you’d be damned if you didn’t hold him to that. Sam said if anything went haywire, he’d be on your doorstep in no time flat. Dean was happy to hear you had “come around” and briefed you on what you needed to do which was mostly “stay put, act normal.”

It was 12:00am when you finally moved to ready yourself for bed. Flicking off the lights, your eyes flitted from the curtains blowing slightly in the night to the computer screen that had long since gone dark. Sam and Dean were just outside, there was nothing to be nervous about. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

Settling into bed, you felt the exhaustion of the day rush through your body. Everything felt heavy. Your eyelids attempted to will themselves closed, but you pushed yourself to remain awake. Just as darkness seeped into the corners of your vision, an incessant knocking pulled you back to reality.

“[Y/N]!” It was Sam. He continued knocking incessantly, with each collision of his knuckles to the door the knock got harder. A cold wave rushed over your body as you ran to the door, a sense of dread caused your arms and legs to go limp. Had something gone wrong already? “Come on!” He called. “Change of plan. We need to get out of here.”

The door opened loudly, the handle knocking against the wall shook the thin walls of the home. Sam’s eyes were wild, he looked scared. “Sam? What the hell is going on? Did you guys catch it?”

“It got away, come on. We have to get you somewhere safe.”

You followed him through the house to the back door but stopped dead in your tracks as you passed the hall. The mirror, the one you dreaded keeping around, caught your eye. Sam gripped tightly to your hand, tugging you forward. “Come on, [Y/N]. We need to go.” He insisted, pulling you harder now.

It was like nothing you could put to words. His eyes were hollowed, where hazel once looked back at you were now pools of black. His mouth had become round with hundreds, if not thousands, of tiny pointed teeth layering downward. Its skin was tanned and discolored. It looked dry but was slimy to the touch. The face that looked back at you was not Sam’s.

Tearing your hand from its, you cringed at the tiny lacerations left from its grip. “Sam” turned to you; his face was still human. He looked confused, slowly approaching you as you moved backward.

“Sam?” You yelled, hoping the real Sam was just outside.

“[Y/N]? Are you crazy? It’s me.” The changeling said, holding its hands up in a non-threatening way.

“Like hell! Sam!” You screamed now, continually taking steps backward. “Dean?”

“Hey!” The front door, which had been closed by the changeling, burst open with more force than before. It was Dean, but like Sam something was off. He wasn’t wearing the same red button-up that he had briefed you in. His hair looked longer, his posture was different, and his eyes were hollow.

There was no time to react as the world fell dark.

~~*~~

The crack of a door closing is what finally shook you awake. The room around you was your own, an unexpected sight. What happened last night was beyond you and whether this was real or not was as well.

“[Y/N]?” Footsteps echoed down the hallway, falling closer and closer with each step. “You awake?” It was Sam’s voice. He sounded more sound, solid even. There was a slight hesitation lacing his tone, something delicate, as if he was walking around broken glass. “Hey.” He let out a breathy huff of air, hazel eyes meeting yours.

Retracting in your bed, you moved against the wall to put as much space between the two of you as possible. Your hand quickly found the base of your neck where a rim of scabbed-over skin protruded in a circular shape. Your chest constricted; your heart felt as if it was crumpling up attempting to make itself as small as possible. Sam watched as your eyes widened and he felt a pang in his chest as you retreated away from him.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he kept his body low, attempting to make himself as small as he could, “it’s me.” He mentally scolded himself for not taking precautions. “Hold on.” His held-out hand did nothing to ease your nerves. Sam returned a moment later with the mirror from the hall. It was cracked now, two large fractures split it down the middle. He positioned it against the wall opposite you and sat in front of it.

You expected the face from the night before. You expected those haunted hollow eyes, the dry scaly skin, the rounded-out mouth of razor-sharp teeth. Instead, you only saw Sam. His gaze was soft, brows drawn together. His lips parted slightly as he debated whether he should say something or not. He decided against it; you needed to be the first to act.

“It’s you.” You said, more to yourself as opposed to him. “What happened last night?”

His eyes flitted from your returning gaze in the mirror to the mark that now scarred your neck. “There were two. One was dragging you back in the woods while the other was fighting Dean. It’s dead. Dean knocked it out, took it out back, and burnt it.” Hesitantly, he moved from his position on the floor to a kneeling one in front of your bed.

“What about the other one?”

A crooked smile moved across his features. “You may need a new living room floor.”

“Is it bad?”

“If you’ve ever wanted new hard-woods, now’s the time.” He chuckled. “We’re going to stay in town another day, just to make sure everything is gone.”

~~*~~

You didn’t wake that night. The rising sun woke you along with the ding of a phone notification. It was one of your other hunters, requesting assistance on a hunt in Nevada. You stretched, feeling a dull ache in your muscles and a pop where one shouldn’t be. Slipping your phone from your nightstand, you promptly sent out a message to the other hunters in that area and discarded the technology in favor of the idea of finally sleeping in.

It was 11:00AM when you woke again. The bed was warm, a strong arm was slung over your side resting snugly against your stomach. Sounds of steady breathing filled the room; a heavy heartbeat played a calming melody in your ears.

It had been a long time since you shared a bed with anyone, but after the antics of the night before it was well-deserved. Sam didn’t offer, rather you did. You didn’t want to be alone.

“Morning.” His sleep-filled voice was smoother than his typical one. Groggily, Sam tugged you backward into his chest as he buried his face in your neck.

“Morning.” You replied, relishing in the moment you wished could last forever.

The day passed with ease. Dean had taken to the couch, insisting that the hole in the floor didn’t bother him and that he’d go out and purchase some planks to at least patch it up. Sam spent the day at your side. Most of it was spent lazily dozing, the rest was doing mundane tasks that seemed so little in comparison to what you experienced the day prior.

Sam had insisted that the effect would wear off soon. It was just some shock and trauma, he told you. It would all get better as time passed.

When the night returned along with Dean who had gone out to pick up dinner, you expected them to tell you they were heading out. But they didn’t. They chatted about nothing and everything at the same time, acting as if you had been part of the team for years. You had a lot in common with Dean, and just as much if not more with Sam. He was an intellectual, smart, kind, caring, and the softer-around-the-edges of the two.

“Hey,” Sam popped his head into your room as you readied yourself for bed, “Dean will be out on the couch. I’m going to set up on the floor out there. We’ll be here if you need anything.”

You felt something. Something sad. Your heart ached at his proclamation of staying down the hall from you. Nodding, you decided it was best. There was no reason to get attached to the boys, it’s not like they’d be coming back any time soon. You and Sam would eventually fall back into your routine of texting at all hours of the day and night and you’d become a distant memory of one of the hundreds of hunts they went on.

“Good night.”

With darkness came distortion. The pile of unlaundered clothing cast shadows across your room where shadows weren’t supposed to be. Despite the curtains being pulled taught over your window, red glowing eyes permeated the fabric and watched you for hours. It wasn’t real, you continually told yourself. It was just your mind playing tricks on you. But the tricks were cruel and holding you back from sleep.

You weren’t sure when you did finally slip into unconsciousness, but you were sure it didn’t last long. Strong hands shook you awake along with the soft coos of someone telling you it’s okay and that it’s all over now. You felt something, someone, in your bed. You laid in someone’s lap as they held your body close, rocking slowly back and forth.

“It’s just a dream.” It was Sam.

“Sam?” You felt meek, your voice mimicking that sentiment. “What happened?”

“You were screaming in your sleep.”

Feeling your face flush red, you wanted nothing more than to bury it along with the changeling in the forest beyond your yard. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Sam felt his heart drop at the sound you made before the tears fell. “You’re okay. You’ve been through a lot.”

“A lot?” The gates held no match to the tears that shook and clambered their rusted metal bars. Your vision blurred as you closed your eyes, willing away the oncoming storm. “I hardly saw anything!”

Sam didn’t respond, only held you tighter as he pressed wordless kisses to the top of your head. “Sam, how can I even call myself a hunter if I can’t even face something as weak as a changeling?” A heavy breath fell upon your lips as you inhaled deeply. “Useless.”

“You’re not useless.”

Hushed voices woke you, arguing about something incoherent as one voice raised over the other. Sam was no longer with you, but the bed was still warm where he had spent the night.

“We’re leaving today, Sam. Nothing’s around anymore.” A muted whisper danced down the hall.

“We can’t just leave her alone now.”

“She’s safe. Changelings gone, wiped out the entire family tree. I’ll be out in the car; we’ve got another case. Bobby called this morning.”

The front door shut, and footsteps fell down the hall toward your room. Sam peeked his head in, a smile immediately spreading across his face. “Hey.”

“You’re leaving?”

He sighed, wiping a hand down his face, dragging slightly at his chin. “Dean wants to get to the next case.”

“Oh.” You shifted in bed, propping yourself up on your arm. “Well, thank you.”

“I wish we could stay longer.” Sam moved to the edge of the bed. The mattress dipped as he sat on the corner, the weight willed you forward. He laid a hand on your shoulder. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

Seeing Sam out was one of the first times you had taken a hard look at the hole in your floor. Dean had done a make-shift job in patching it up. Thin sheets of plywood were nailed together haphazardly with different sized nails hammered in here and there. The wood wobbled as you walked over it. Maybe it was time to skip town.

Dean stood on the curb with a disposable cup, with what you presumed to be filled with coffee, sipping away as he relished in the morning sun. Perking up, he waved a big hand to you. “Stay safe, kiddo!”

“Will do, Mr. Stark!” You hollered back, eliciting a laugh from Sam.

“You sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yeah.” You turned back to the living room. “I’ll probably have to move. I don’t need the cops on my tail for the missing people burnt in my backyard.”

Sam waited a moment, a thoughtful look on his face. He bit the inside of his mouth and glanced back to Dean who was now climbing into the driver’s side front seat. “You could come with us.”

“Sam.”

“I’m serious. We have a friend you could stay with. He does the same stuff you do. Lots of land, if you hate him you would never have to see him. He’s an older guy, a little rough-around-the-edges but has a good heart. It’s our home-base.” He grasped at your hand. “I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“I’ll consider it.”

~~*~~

“We’re home!” The front door slammed shut as two sets of footsteps fell down the front hall into the kitchen.

“Hunt go well?” You wiped your hands and moved to greet the hunter. Sam smiled, slipping his arm around you as he planted a kiss on your cheek. “Mhm.” He replied.

“What?” Bobby had hardly looked up from his desk as he tapped away on his phone. “No kiss for me?”

“Good to see you too, Bobby.”

Dean slid into the kitchen, making a disgusted face as he took in the scene before him. “Couples.” He grumbled, tugging the fridge door open and grabbing a beer. “No kiss for me either?” He grinned smugly, making quick time as he found a bottle opener and lost himself in the cold liquid.

It hadn’t taken long for you to accept Sam’s offer. After an entire five minutes of deliberation, you agreed. The important things fit perfectly into the back seat of the Impala, mostly books and electronics. Dean grumbled at the slight delay in events as he directed himself back home as opposed to the case. Your relationship with Sam had blossomed from there.

A ding rung out from the study. “That’s me!” You slipped out of Sam’s grasp. “Got work to do.”

#sam x reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester oneshot #sam imagine #sam oneshot #sam winchester fanfiction #supernatural fic #spn fic

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fancat-not-fangirl · 4 years

Text

It’s Not You Pt.17

a/n: Sorry for the delay!! I hope you guys like it!!! Thank you so much to those that read and review! I love you guys so so much <3

<><><>

The remainder of the day had been spent with the LEGOs. After hugging it out over their presents, the boys had put on Christmas music and cleared some space in the living room. Dean had dragged aside the coffee table, and had helped Cas shift the couch away from the center of the room.

Spilling the pieces out onto the floor and opening the instruction manual, Cas and Dean then began the painstaking process of assembling the Death Star.

Dean couldn’t have been happier. He finally, finally, had a LEGO set of his own. Those meager bricks that he and Sam had found under the motel bed were nothing compared to the immense amount of them spread out before him now. And this time, what he’d build with them would actually resemble something, instead of the crude shapes he and his brother had put together in the backseat of the Impala all those years back.

But what hadn’t changed from the last time he had played with LEGOs was that both times he was doing it with the people he loved most.

Cas seemed to be enjoying Dean’s childish excitement as the older of the two enthusiastically immersed himself in constructing the Death Star. His eyes twinkled with amusement every time Dean finished building a specific part of the set and let out a triumphant cry. He made teasing remarks about Dean’s little victory dances and immature squeals of happiness. Dean didn’t mind, though. Not at all.

The time flew. They had only managed to build about half of the Death Star and were in the middle of having a sword fight using the tiny lightsabers that came with the LEGO set when Cas had yawned, prompting him to get ‘stabbed’ by Dean’s lightsaber and ‘lose’ the fight. Getting up from off the floor and checking the time, Dean was surprised when the numbers on his phone read 9:30.

“Are you kidding me, Cas? It’s only nine thirty and you’re already tired?”

“Well, it’s not like I can say that I slept last night.”

That shut Dean up pretty quickly. If he was being honest, the previous night didn’t do him any favors, either. He couldn’t help but send a guilty look towards Cas, who accepted Dean’s outstretched hand as the older boy hauled the freshman off the floor and into his arms.

“Well I’m here now, and something tells me that tonight will be different.”

And it was. But not in the way that some perverts might think.

Even if it took them a while to actually get comfortable.

“Cas, stop elbowing me in the freaking ribs,” Dean whispered furiously as Cas shifted his position on the bed. Both boys had decided to sleep on Cas’s bed instead of the one in Dean’s temporary room. It was the bigger and more comfortable of the two, but even then it didn’t give them much space to move around. The blanket was also better in Cas’s room, but it, too, wasn’t as large as they would have hoped for.

“Then you stop stealing all the blanket,” Cas hissed back at him, yanking on the edge of the blanket that Dean had curled around himself, leaving none for Cas. Dean harrumphed and didn’t budge. “Dean, I’m freezing my ass off here.”

At that, Dean rolled over and splayed on top of Cas, wrapping his arms around him and snuggling into Cas’s chest. “Better?”

Letting out a breath of air, Cas starting trying to shove Dean off. “No, you idiot. Get off of me!” But Cas’s attempts to remove Dean from on top of him failed miserably as the older boy simply locked his arms in a viselike grip around Cas and refused to budge. “Jesus Dean, how many elephants did you eat today?”

“None, as a matter of fact. You’re just weak.”

Cas huffed. “Just shut up and give me back my blanket.”

And after a while of outraged hissing and whispering back and forth, Dean relented and rolled back off of Cas, who immediately took possession of his half of the blanket and gave Dean one last glare before turning over to face away from him. Dean smiled and wrapped an arm around Cas’s waist, pulling him back against him. Chest to back. Cas was tense for a few moments more before letting out a sigh and relaxing against Dean, who squeezed him tighter and rested his head in the nape of Cas’s neck, inhaling the scent that had now become so familiar to him.

The previous night’s tears and pain slowly went away, and all that was left was the sounds of them breathing in sync, wrapped in Cas’s warm blanket.

<><><>

“Dean, I’m hungry.”

It was near noon but until this point, neither Dean nor Cas had made any move to get out of bed. They had been content to just lay side by side and cuddle, not having a care in the world.

That is, until Cas’s stomach started complaining.

“Dean, I’m hungry,” Cas repeated again, poking Dean in the side. They were in a position where Dean’s arms were around Cas’s waist and Cas was facing Dean. At first that had meant kissing, but now it meant that Cas had access to Dean’s ticklish sides.

Dean didn’t appreciate that at all. He rolled Cas over and pinned Cas’s arms to his sides so that they wouldn’t be able to reach him. “No, this is comfy,” he murmured into Cas’s ear.

“I’m not saying that it’s not comfortable, I’m saying that I’m hungry and that we should go eat something.”

Dean shook his head. “No. I don’t want to get out of bed.”

Cas let out an exasperated sigh and tried to twist around but Dean held fast. There was no way he was letting Cas tickle him into getting out of bed. He was Dean Fricking Winchester. He was not going to be defeated by some meager-

“Aha!” Cas exclaimed triumphantly as he swivelled back around and started tickling Dean, and the older boy couldn’t hold back the howl of laughter that escaped his mouth as he writhed under Cas’s hands. He let go of Cas and his arms flew from Cas’s waist back to his own as he tried to get rid of the fingers attacking his sides.

“Ok! Ok, I surrender! I surrender!” Dean laughed out, letting out a breath of relief when Cas retreated his hands as the freshman rolled out of bed and stood up. Grinning, Dean followed suit, slapping Cas’s ass as the freshman brushed past him, out into the hallway and then into the bathroom. Cas had playfully stuck his tongue out at Dean, and as Dean strode into his own room to change into a sweater and jeans. He smiled to himself at the thought of Cas’s sleep ruffled hair. At his bright blue eyes. At his cute little nose, and perfect lips, and adorable smile, and Dean thought he could go on forever.

Dean slipped on a dark sweater and pulled on faded jeans, then as an afterthought he put on the new fuzzy socks that Cas had gotten him for Christmas. Walking out into the hallway, Dean felt how slippery the floor was under his socked feet. Smiling, he tried running down the hall and stopping suddenly, which sent him sliding along the floor. It was not unlike ice skating, and was just as fun. He did it again just as Cas was walking out of the bathroom. Cas danced out of the way when Dean tried to slap his ass this time and smacked Dean lightly on the arm before going into his own room to change.

Dean made his way downstairs and into the kitchen, running and sliding past the living room along the way. He had to admit, he was fairly proud at the amount of progress he and Cas had made with the LEGOs. If he had been doing it himself, it would have surely taken him at least a week, but yesterday with Cas helping him it had only taken them a few hours to get through almost half of the Death Star. That meant that if they had the time, they’d be able to finish it today.

On that optimistic note, Dean opened the fridge. Oh.

He heard Cas’s footsteps on the stairs and closed the fridge, calling up, “We don’t have any food.”

Seconds later there were arms slipping around his waist and a chin resting on his shoulder as Cas asked, “What, no food at all?”

“Well, we have leftovers. From a few days ago.”

Cas scrunched up his nose and Dean’s heart fluttered. He looked adorable when he did that. Instead of mentioning it though, Dean nodded. “Yeah, that’s how I feel about leftovers too.”

“Any Eggs?”

“Nope.”

“Toast?”

“Nope.”

“Waffles?”

“Also no.”

“Well that sucks.”

“Yep.”

There was a moment of silence before Dean untangled himself from Cas’s embrace and spun around. “Lets go to IHOP!”

Cas didn't hesitate before nodding in agreement, and they both made their way to the door, shrugging on their coats and pulling on their boots. Dean snatched the keys to the Impala from the counter and they left the house.

There were a good few inches of snow piled on the roof of the car, and Dean tenderly brushed it off, murmuring something about how she must have been cold during the night. He saw Cas smile and roll his eyes before climbing into the car and waiting for Dean to finish getting rid of the snow.

Once he was sure that his Baby was clear, Dean slid in beside Cas and started the engine, all the while whispering soft apologies to the car about how he had left her out all alone in the freezing cold.

Cas snorted. “Sometimes, it seems as if the car gets more love than I do.”

Dean grinned and pulled out of the driveway, bringing his right hand off the wheel and to Cas’s, intertwining their fingers. “Nah, that’s not possible.”

Cas beamed.

They drove in silence, marvelling at the white blankets of snow that covered all the trees and houses and glittered in the sun. Dean had always liked the winter. Everything was always so beautiful when it was shrouded in the gleaming white powder. It all flickered in the sun, and although it hurt his eyes at times, the beauty of it was worth it.

“IHOP. There,” Cas pointed at the sign by the road.

“No, I hop.”

Cas’s head swiveled towards him and he furrowed his brow. “What?”

Dean grinned. “You don’t hop. I hop.”

“I don’t-” Cas then realized what Dean was doing, and fixed him with a bitchface that might even have rivalled the ones that Sam made. “Oh, ha ha. You’re so funny.”

Pulling into the parking lot, Dean leaned in and kissed Cas on the cheek. “You bet I am.”

They both ordered pancakes. It had been a while since Dean had had any of those, and he savored each bite. Despite that, though, Dean couldn’t find room in his stomach for the entire set of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and coffee he had ordered and had insisted on taking the leftover home so that he could finish them later. Cas didn’t have the space to finish his whole meal, either, and had decided to take it home as well.

They left IHOP with full stomachs and high spirits.

Entering the house, they took their coats off and Dean watched as a smiling Cas hummed under his breath as he unwound the scarf from around his neck. Cas noticed Dean’s stare and made a face, then grabbed Dean’s hand and led him into the living room, where he dropped down next to their partially built Death Star and turned on some music.

At first there was an array of Christmas songs that came on, and Dean and Cas sang along to all of them. But then Cas got tired of those and switched off the radio, instead turning on a playlist on his phone. More specifically, his Bruno Mars one.

It was then that it hit Dean; the realization that he had never played for Cas on the guitar. Cas had always known that he had a guitar, and had known that he played it, but Dean had never once played for his soulmate. And now, Dean decided, would be a perfect time to fix that.

“I’ll be right back,” he told a confused Cas and heaved himself up from off the ground, sliding down the hallway in his fuzzy socks and then sprinting up the stairs. The last Christmas song that they had heard was stuck in Dean’s head, and he belted out the lyrics to ‘Let it Snow!’ as he burst into his room and grabbed Baby 2.0 from off his bed.

The guest room he was staying in was at the very end of the hall, which gave him plenty of space to slide down to the stairs. Breaking out in a run, Dean was now almost hollering the chorus to the song as he stopped and let the socks bring him the rest of the way down the hall.

“The lights are turned way down low! Let it snow, let it snow, let it- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SHIT!”

He had realized too late that he was skidding too fast and too close to the small console table near the stairs, and his eyes widened at the sight of the glass vase on top of it mere seconds before he collided with it, and his singing turned into loud cursing as he threw his arm down, barely catching the vase before it could shatter on the floor.

“Is everything ok up there?” Dean heard Cas’s voice carry from the living room. Letting out a relieved breath and putting the vase back into its place, Dean firmly decided that he should probably keep his sliding to a minimum around breakable objects and carefully edged down the stairs.

“Yeah, it’s all good,” Dean said as he swung into the room, brandishing his guitar and dropping down onto the couch. He saw Cas’s eyes widen slightly at the sight of Baby 2.0.

Dean smirked. “Keep your drool to yourself, please and thank you. She doesn’t like getting looked at like that by anyone but me.”

Cas stuck out his tongue and reached across to his phone, turning the music off. No sooner did he do that than Dean grabbed his hand and hauled him onto the couch, drawing him closer and pulling Cas down into him so that they were sitting chest to back. Dean’s mind quickly flashed to the previous night, where they had been in almost exactly the same position.

In fact, Dean realized that he had slept better yesterday than he had in days. At least, certainly better than the sleep he had gotten the night of the fight, if he could even call it that. It had mostly been hours of curling in on himself on his bed and trying not to let his tears go. He couldn’t say that it had worked.

And no matter how much he had wanted to hate and blame Claire for the death of his mother, Dean found that he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Not when he had lived with her, eaten her food, laughed with her, built snowmen on her lawn. Not when he had fallen in love with her son.

He simply couldn’t find it in himself to hate her.

And, Dean decided, that maybe that was for the best.

Because everything that he could have ever wanted was right here.

Dean placed the guitar in Cas’s lap and moved Cas’s arms and hands so that they were placed in the correct places on the guitar. All of Cas’s protests of “but I don’t know how to play” were shushed, and Dean maneuvered the fingers of Cas’s left hand so that they were pressing the right strings.

“Now this is an original composition of mine. It’s called ‘Just the Way You Are’ and it definitely wasn’t written by Bruno Mars.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but all pretenses for annoyance swiftly vanished as Dean started moving, muscles flexing under Cas. He went slow, shifting his fingers and Cas’s on the guitar neck. Cas’s right hand, though, got the gist pretty quickly, and soon was strumming the strings without the help of Dean’s hand, which strayed and wrapped itself around Cas’s waist.

Dean started singing.

Oh, your eyes, your eyes, make the stars look like they’re not shining.

Your hair, your hair, falls perfectly without you trying.

You’re so beautiful and I tell you every day.

Dean felt Cas’s breath hitch in his throat, but he kept singing.

When I see your face,

There's not a thing that I would change, 'cause you're amazing

Just the way you are.

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for a while.

'Cause Cas you're amazing

Just the way you are

Cas’s left fingers were getting used to the chords now, and Dean carefully took his own hand away, letting Cas play by himself. He reached across Cas’s waist so that he had both arms wrapped around it and held Cas to him as Cas played. Dean rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder and sang, slowly and quietly.

But he meant every word.

Before they knew it the song was over, and Cas eased the guitar to the floor and twisted around, wrapping his arms around Dean and burying his face into Dean’s shoulder. Dean felt Cas’s shoulders shake slightly.

“Aww, did I make you cry?” Dean joked.

The muffled “No” didn’t sound reassuring at all, and Dean tightened his arms around Cas, pressing him to his chest. Without thinking, Dean’s hand immediately went to Cas’s head, and he absentmindedly started running his finger through Cas’s hair, feeling Cas melt into him.

Even with the comforting silence that surrounded them, Dean still almost didn’t hear it; the whisper of “I love you” that Cas breathed into his shoulder.

Feeling his heart grow almost three times bigger, Dean smiled against Cas’s hair. “I love you, too.”

The moment seemed to stretch forever and ever, but was cut off abruptly by a sound from outside.

A car’s engine.

Cas pulled back from Dean and Dean saw that his soulmate's eyes held too many emotions to make sense of. Love. Guilt. Sympathy. And fear.

They turned their heads towards the sound of keys in a lock, and Dean wasn’t sure how he felt about the words that came out of Cas’s mouth.

“Mom’s home.”

<><><>

End a/n: I’m so so so so so so so SO SO SO sorry that this took me so long! But school is over, so maybe, hopefully, I might be able to update more. No promises tho.

Idk why, but this chapter just gave me a lot of problems. I couldn’t seem to get into the flow of it and had some severe writer's block. Basically, I just had a tough time with it. If I’m being really, truly honest, I wouldn’t say that this was one of my best works. Personally, I don’t really like this chapter and I’m sorry if it wasn’t everything u guys hoped for.

Small disclaimer: I don’t know anything about the guitar, so for any of you guitar players out there, if anything seems wrong to you plz lmk so I can fix it. Thnx

#my fics #destiel #destiel fic #fluff #soulmate au #college au #supernatural fic #supernatural au #sorry if this wasn't that good #idk why #hope you liked it

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caps-lockdown · 5 years

Text

Sweater Weather Part Three

Alrighty everyone, as anticipated here is part three of this crazy fic that I hope everyone is enjoying!

A SMALL NOTE: THIS CHAPTER HAS A FIGHT THAT KIND OF RIPPED MY HEART OUT TO WRITE BUT I PROMISE IT WILL BE OK! Also more Steamy! Steve.

Pairings: Steve Rogers x PottsRelativeFem!Reader

Ratings/Warnings: 18+ (Not smut but just to cover my ass)

For everything from language, crude jokes, ADULT situations/impure thoughts, booze (because it’s pretty much a staple in my fics at this point.), arguments, and an extremely overprotective Tony Stark. Very little angst, as I try to keep most of my fics light humored. But of course there are some insecurities/unsure feelings, as well as sad feels from everything with endgame/ the decimation. Also dead parents.

Also AU in the fact NO ONE DIED during Endgame/Steve didn’t go back. Also as much as I adore Morgan Stark, she isn’t around yet. I didn’t know where this would fit timeline wise, so just ignore the timeline. Kay? Cool.

Words: 4,178 (Ish)

Summary: You’ve just moved to New York after a long 3 year stint travelling the world and helping with various charities, taking a new job with Stark Industries thanks to your cousin Pepper. A trip out to surprise Tony and The Avengers for the weekend turns from good to terrible when the a/c at the compound breaks. How will you beat the heat for the record breaking weekend?

It’s in Y/N Y/L/N format, any pictures, outfits, gifs, and marvel characters just assume I don’t own them. Also no Beta, as I don’t ever have one, so the mistakes and reader are all my own. Enjoy!

Part Three

Ten –thirty am came with an unapologetic sun glaring into your room, the air slightly hot around you. You sat upright, bringing the phone to your face to look at the temperature. Ninety-nine degrees already. Rubbing your face and stretching your legs you forced yourself from your bed, grabbing your duffle bag and slowly opening your door to the hallway. You halted as you nearly stepped on the lone coffee mug that sat in front of your room, a smile gracing your lips as you inhaled the scent of freshly brewed coffee. You didn’t waste a moment of time, taking a drink from the overly-sweet drink with a happy sigh as you began to pad towards the showers of the Compound. Blissfully ignorant to the eyes that sought you out from behind a corner.

“Schk…Chocolate chip cookie has taken the bait and is moving west. Over.” Sam’s voice came in patchy as he held the large, old walkie talkie to his mouth, Bucky rolled his eyes from further on in the building.

“I thought we were going to call her French Toast? Over.”

“We’ll save that for later. Cookie is headed towards showers. Over.”

“Copy. Sending in Agent Star Spangled and Sexy. Over.” Rogers huffed in annoyance at the nickname as Bucky gave him a playful nudge towards your location.

“I’ll keep an eye out for Captain Cockblock. Over.”

“Why did I agree to this?” Steve asked out loud, slowly making his way towards the showers. This was absolutely one of the stupidest things he’s ever had to be a part of. And he had been in some stupid things. But he was crazy about you, and couldn’t wait to see you this morning, even if he had been a touch disappointed that you hadn’t snuck into his room last night. He woke up to Sam and Bucky smiling at him from the edge of his bed, and had almost gone into cardiac arrest upon opening his eyes. He most definitely would have preferred you, but he had to admit the two men using old walkie talkies from the eighties so Tony couldn’t hack into them was pretty damn clever. If this worked out with you then he’d be sure to thank them for their efforts.

He could hear your humming mixed with the sound of the shower as he rounded a corner, opting to lean against the wall holding the door that led to you. It was already warm in the compound but thinking about you in the shower wasn’t helping him keep his cool. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to chase those thoughts of you away. He hadn’t slept much last night to begin with, mostly due to the dreams you had invaded that woke him up in a cold sweat. He couldn’t get you out of his mind since the moment you got out of your truck yesterday afternoon, and he was done not going after what he wanted. Tony be damned, you were going to know how he felt.

“I feel like a creep.” He said to no one, trying to steady his breathing as he heard the water shut off, your movements nearly silent as you continued to get ready for the long hot day.

You were still humming as you changed into your outfit for the day, the cool shower helping you wake up and prepare for whatever lay ahead. A quick look in the mirror and you felt pretty damn cute.

You were towel drying your hair as you walked out, now empty coffee mug in one hand as you ran the fabric over your head with the other.

“Your shorts get any shorter Doll and we’re going to have a problem.” You jumped at the thick voice coming from your right, almost dropping and shattering the coffee mug on the hard floor. You hadn’t even noticed him standing there in a tight gray tank top and jeans. The bulging muscles of his arms and shoulders were quick to distract you, your eyes gazing at his body in appreciation. Well damn.

“No one asked you to look Rogers.” You replied curtly, throwing the towel off your hair and catching the smirking blonde in the face as you turned to leave. Casually swaying your hips you fought to contain the smirk as he caught up with you. You continued to stare ahead, gathering your hair up into a messy bun at the top of your head. Maybe Pepper had made breakfast.

“But I am looking Sweetheart. And I have to say that it’s going to be my new favorite past time.”

You turned your head to smile at him, his blue eyes never leaving yours as you stepped closer to him.

“Well then that makes two of us.” You breathed out, reaching a hand to brush away a stray strand of hair out of his face.

“Oh really?” His eyes closed at your touch, your fingers skimming down his face to rest on his cheek, feeling his own hand coming over to grip your waist.

“Duh. I’m pretty sure I could kiss you all day and not get tired of it.” You whispered, watching him take in a shaky breath.

“Then what are you waiting for Doll?” You grinned when you found him nuzzling his face into your palm and you moved to stand on your tiptoes, beginning to close the distance.

“GOOD MORNING SHORT STACK!”

The two of you groaned in frustration as you broke apart from your almost moment, Tony giving you a cheeky smile as he waved you into the kitchen. Your eyes flicked to Steve’s in a silent apology, stepping away and heading into the dining room where Pepper had set up nothing short of a feast for everyone. You chose a seat on the right side of the table, hiding your elated smile as Steve sat next to you. Well, until your cousin in law decided to take it upon himself to drag his own chair in between the two of you, causing everyone at the table to glare at him.

“Hope you like pancakes. Cap be a dear and pass the syrup will ya?” Stark settled in at his new spot, taking a plate and piling on four giant pancakes. You gripped your fork tightly as he beamed at you while drizzling the sugary liquid over his breakfast, Pepper looking ready to murder her husband and hide the evidence. “Maybe a couple for you Y/N? HA! A short stack for short stack!”

“We can make it look like an accident.” Sam murmured to Bucky, who was nodding enthusiastically at the idea as he shoveled eggs onto his plate. Steve looked absolutely fed up. Everyone ate in a tense silence, you nearly choking the life out of Tony when he would ask you questions about your day that hadn’t even started yet. You were too sober for this. And too short on caffeine. You had missed your cousin too, but if you had known any better you would have guessed he was purposefully getting in between you and Steve. That shit was going to get old real quick.

“So what’re your plans for the day Y/N? It’s supposed to be a hundred and five by noon.” Nat asked cautiously, trying to defuse the obvious tension. You smiled at her.

“Actually I planned on working on a small project. Speaking of which, you don’t mind me raiding the supply rooms around here right cousin? After all I was mostly inspired by you for it.” Stark’s eyes softened as he made his second plate of food, stopping to hold his fork over his heart.

“Not at all Y/N! I’m touched at being your inspiration.” Pepper let out a bark of laughter at her husband, him turning to look at her with a blank expression. “What? At least someone appreciates me.”

“Great! Then I’m going to get started. Steve you mind helping me out? Some of the things I need are heavy and I’m going to need all the muscle I can wrangle up.” Tony’s face of annoyance didn’t go amiss to anyone as the blonde man matched your stunning smile with one of his own.

“’Course Doll, lead the way.” Both of you pushed from your chairs, Nat smiling into her bite of pancake as the two of you strolled away.

“I told you Tony, she isn’t going to let you get in her way. You might as well just give up. They look cute together. It could be what they both need…after everything.” Pepper tried patting his hand soothingly, the older gentleman glaring at his plate before sliding it away from him. Standing from his seat, he gave a small nod to his teammates and began to walk after you.

“Not on my watch.” He grumbled, guided by your melodic giggles as you and Steve entered the elevator together. “Friday, please inform me of Y/N’s whereabouts when she gets to a stopping point.”

“Of course Mister Stark.” The AI responded cheerfully.

“That was pretty smooth back there Y/N.” Steve admitted, chuckling at you as you pulled open the doors to the main supply room. You nodded, beginning your search wordlessly for the things you needed. “What, uh, what is it you’re looking for exactly?”

“I’m sorry that information is classified.” You watched the man before you quirk an eyebrow, before putting his hands in his pockets and admitting defeat. One of the best qualities of Steve was that he always dropped the subject when he needed to. He never pried into your life, but he also hadn’t really been a part of it for at least the last three years.

“So what am I doing here?”

‘”Just stand there and look pretty for right now Rogers. You are exceptionally gifted in that department.” His lips fell in a flat line as he playfully stared you down, you blowing him a kiss before turning back to the task at hand.

It didn’t take you too terribly long to find what you needed, maybe an hour. You managed to gather several old oscillating stand up fans, a bunch of small desktop ones, a couple Styrofoam coolers, and PVC pipe. You began piling it up at Steve’s feet, his curiosity peaking as you brushed the dust off your hands.

“I got a drill set in the truck that should work, you think Snark has a small portable jigsaw somewhere?” You knew Steve wouldn’t have the answer, but he didn’t have time to think of a response anyway.

“Of course I do Short Stack!”

“Snark are you making it a point to creepily follow me everywhere? I know you missed me but damn give a girl a break to breathe.” You ground out, anger flaring up in your veins as Tony only met the two of you with a grin.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know Capsicle here can only do so much. He’s got the brawn, but not all the brains I’m afraid.” The dig only seemed to piss you off more, noticing Steve’s jaw clench and his fists tighten.

“Steve sweetheart, do me a huge favor and take what you can and drop them off at my room? My cousin and I need to have a chat.” You didn’t have to ask him again as he gathered pretty much everything in one arm load and left the room, walking back towards the elevator. After making sure he was out ear shot you fixed your face in a menacing glare at your target.

“What in the hell was that Tony?!” You nearly shouted, your cousin crossing his arms over his chest in defiance as he refused to back down.

“Don’t act like I’m dumb Y/N. You and Steve have been on each other like shit on Velcro since you got here. I’m not letting someone close to me get hurt, especially after everything that’s happened over the last couple years!”

“Are you talking about me, or Steve?” You demanded darkly, noticing how he flinched as you took a step towards him. “Because either damn way, we’re grown adults and can make our own decisions. You don’t get a say in the matter! I don’t know why you seem to care so much anyway.”

“BECAUSE SIX MONTHS AGO HE ALMOST WENT BACK TO PEGGY!” Tony yelled, your face dropping as you took a step back. Was that true? What the hell was he still doing here then? You knew Peggy Carter and him had an unfinished history, but you had no idea he was considering actual time travel to be with her. The brunette sighed deeply, lowering his voice and you could feel his concern as he went to reach for you, you drawing your hands back as if he would burn you.

“He sat there and debated for weeks about it! You’re more than a convenient piece of ass Y/N, and you deserve better. Better than a man who hasn’t spoken to you in over three years! Or are you going to choose to ignore how easily he forgot about you during the accords situat…”

Your slap on his face echoed through the room, your eyes glistening with tears as you pulled your hand back. “Don’t you dare. He isn’t the only guilty party in that equation Snark, and you fucking know it. You know my feelings for him have never changed, and I lost one of my closest friends because of your bullshit. Don’t you dare say that to me.”

“I’m sorry I just…”

“You want to look out for me? How about you let me off the invisible leash so I can live my damn life!? You’re making me start to regret coming back at all!” You spat, pushing past the man and grabbing the small desktop fan on your way out, making sure to slam the door. You inhaled sharply, turning to find Steve waiting for you patiently, the elevator door being propped open by one of the large fans. Neither of you said anything as you stepped in, Steve removing the fan and allowing the door to close. The bell tone as you descended was the only sound. The walk to your room was silent as well, besides the shuffling noise of the fan cords across the floor. It was torture for both of you.

“Thanks for the help Rogers.” You said, your voice void of any emotion as you opened your door, helping the blonde put the things in your room before leaving it again.

“No problem Y/N.” He avoided your gaze, your sad expression too much for him. He hated seeing you upset, and although he hadn’t heard much of the conversation you and Tony had, he knew you had found out about Peggy. With your cousin’s yelling, he was one hundred percent sure everyone in the compound had heard it. “Listen, uh about your talk with Tony.”

“Don’t.” You warned, eyes turning into daggers as you began to walk away. True to his nature the blonde Avenger didn’t press, only nodded and left you alone to gather the things you needed from your truck, including the giant orange rectangular cooler that you hadn’t used. Nat watched you struggle, angrily wiping at the tears that had begun to fall and rushed to help you. She didn’t ask, she just helped you lug the large chest back inside. When you returned once again to your room you found the small saw sitting against your door.

“What else ya need Y/N?” Nat inquired gently, touching your shoulder as you got out the last of your sobs.

“Do we have any ice in the walk in freezer? I need all that we have. Also if you can find me any tape, plastic water bottles, and rock salt.” The red head nodded, disappearing shortly from view as you shut your door. “Friday, do me a solid and do NOT allow Tony Stark to enter this room?”

“Alright miss Y/N.” You set to work after the confirmation, beginning by measuring and cutting two holes in each lid of every cooler you had acquired. Yours took a minute to get through, the Styrofoam no match for the small but powerful saw Tony had left for you. At least he did something useful today. When Nat returned with Thor and Sam you smiled brightly at them, already in a slightly better mood. You graciously accepted their supplies, the two men leaving as you and Nat continued to work under your direction. You pulled up your phone and dialed Kate’s number, needing to hear her voice.

“Hey Y/N. How’s it hanging?”

“I’m about to murder my cousin.”

“Ohh. Is it Tony? I got a shovel and an alibi you just tell me where to meetcha!” You chuckled at Kate, Nat’s own laughter music to your ears.

“Who else is with you? Are they in on the murder or will we have to take care of them later?”

“Hang on I’ll video chat you.” You hung up and brought up the facetime app, your best friend’s cheesy smile coming to life shortly in front of you. “Ok Kate. Meet Natasha.”

You were regretting your decision less than ten solid minutes later, after you brought both women up to current knowledge on what had taken place. The two women were laughing and getting on like two peas in a pod and you were starting to feel replaced. You huffed, dumping the ice into the coolers after securing the small fans and PVC pipe to the lids. Nat worked on filing the bottles with icy salt water, sealing them up and taping them to the large stand up fans, Kate “Oooh” and “Aww”ing when everything was finished.

“Look at you Y/N! Should start calling you MacGyver. Where did you learn this stuff?!”

“Picked up this life hack while helping out a small village in Brazil. We lost our AC in the van for a week. There should be enough for everyone to have something in their rooms for the rest of the weekend.”

“My babe you are a SAINT and none of those assholes deserve you. Not including you Natasha.” Nat waved off Kate’s comment, knowing full well it wasn’t directed at her. “I still can’t believe Tony had the audacity to say that to you. He better hope to fuck I don’t see him, or that cooler you jury rigged is going to become his damn casket.”

“This is why I love you Kate. Thank you. I just don’t know what to do about Steve now.” You let out a shaky breath, both the other women looking at you with sympathetic eyes. “I don’t want to believe Tony, but if it’s true…”

“Listen Y/N,” Nat leaned in to wrap an arm around your shoulder, “He didn’t leave. Steve doesn’t just want you as some kind of tension release. All the guy has talked about since you got here is how much he’s missed you. I’ve been his friend for a long ass time, and I know he’s cared about you for most of it. Just talk to the man.” She squeezed you in a half hug, Kate nodding in agreement.

“What Nat said. And after you have a heart to heart, jump on his dick.”

“KATE! You are the worst influence!”

Your best friend’s face feigned innocence. “Y/N! I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m the best worst influence you got. You need to get laid. You might be less uptight after…”

“God. Goodbye Kate. Talk soon.” You went to rush her off the phone, face ablaze and Nat laughing to the point she couldn’t breathe properly.

“Bye bitch. Go get some!” She waved, you hanging up the app and clutching your forehead.

“I like her.” Nat got out between breaths.

“Go get the others please. Except Stark. ” You demanded, the red head giving you a half-assed salute and jumping out of the room. You had plugged in the large cooler for you room while she was gone, relishing in the cold air that was being pumped into it. You’d have to refill it after nightfall, but it would be the thing that saved you this weekend.

“What is all this?” Thor’s voice boomed as the door opened, you only acknowledging him with a large fan.

“Your redneck air conditioners. You’ll have to replace the ice to keep it going but it should help you all some in your rooms. Figured the coolers can go in the kitchen and living areas. We can move them around as need be.”

“You accomplished all of this in a matter of hours Y/N? You sure you don’t have super speed or something?” Sam stated, you beaming at him and coughing when Bruce threatened to hug the life out of you.

“You are an angel Y/N. Thank you.” You awkwardly patted the large green man on the back, letting him put you down before designating who took what. They filed into your room, all grabbing the appliances, each offering thanks before leaving. It did amazing things for your self esteem, knowing you could be of use after all this weekend.

“We’re going to grill tonight, keep unnecessary heat out of the compound. Meet me in the kitchen in an hour for prep?” Pepper asked cautiously, no doubt knowing about your fight with her husband earlier.

“Sure Pep, just make sure your husband stays away from me for right now. I’m not particularly fond of his existence currently.”

“You got it.” You laid down on your bed as your cousin left, shutting the door behind her. There was so much to process, and you really just wanted to nap, the temperature of the room slowly becoming more comfortable. A soft knock kept you from drifting off, you turning to your side as it cracked open to reveal a shy looking Steve Rogers.

“Can I help you Rogers?” Your tone was glass cutting sharp, the blonde wincing as he timidly stepped into your room.

“I just wanted to say thank you, for the uh, whatever you call that contraption you made. You’re a life saver, and uh, thanks.” He stammered, and you found your anger quickly melting away as he stood, shuffling his feet and not daring to make eye contact with you.

“You’re welcome Steve.” You caught the small upturn of his lips at you using his first name again, that little motion all you needed to melt into a puddle.

“I thought you were mad at me?” His whisper you nearly missed thanks to the sound your cooler was making, you leaning to sit up and giving him a head tilt. “About Peggy.”

“Ah.” You sighed, standing up to pad across the room, meeting him in your open doorway. “I want to be, but no matter how much I try I can’t. You didn’t go back, and it would be rather terrible of me to not understand where you were coming from. You’re here now. That’s all in the past, along with the years we haven’t kept in touch. Can we please promise each other to just leave it there? Start over?”

“I can do that.” He took your hand, pulling you into a gentle hug that warmed your body. You stood there for minutes, not saying anything but holding each other so tight it almost felt like the broken pieces of who you were started to put themselves back together. You didn’t want to pull away, and wondered if you two could make life work as permanently joined mass of limbs and brains. After all, he was always so warm and you found yourself freezing. Not to mention it would make getting things on the top shelf so much easier.

“I should go help Pepper with meal prep.” You uttered regretfully, forcing yourself to part from him.

“Yea, she’ll kill both of us if you’re late.” His statement forced a giggle from your lips as you went to leave, shutting the door behind both of you. “Save a seat for me?”

“Well I sure as hell ain’t sitting next to Tony. And if he sits in between us again I’ll just have to sit in your lap.” You teased, his eyes sparkling as he chuckled at your fading figure.

“Shck…Love Muffin is headed towards kitchen after brief rendezvous with Agent Sexy. No physical contact beyond a hug was initialized. Beginning to suspect agent is a complete punk who won’t man up. Over.” Bucky spoke confidently into the large black brick, Steve whipping around to glare at him murderously.

“Man, he don’t make a move soon imma be pissed off. This walkie talkie is heavy as fuck. Over.” Sam’s voice carried down the hall as Steve gave chase to his best friend.

“I’m going to put my foot so far up your ass Buck you’ll be spitting out leather for a month!” The blonde shouted, only getting a grin from his target in kind.

“Oooh kinky Captain. You gonna let Y/N in on your sadistic nature t..OW!”

The winter soldier found the compound walls to be super thick. And almost painful when pushed into them.

Tag List: @kaytizzle @cuffski @giggleberts @chrisevansfanfic @pies-wands-and-more @evanstush

#steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #marvel #fanfic #fanfiction #captain america

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isitgintimeyet · 5 years

Text

Letting Go

AO3

Thanks for reading. The journey’s not over yet!

Thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta and to @happytoobservenolongerdistant

Chapter 5: Girls’ Talk

Got a loaded imagination Bein' fired by girls talk It's a more or less situation Inspired by girls talk

Elvis Costello

It was just after one in the morning when Claire finally felt able to leave Mrs. Crook’s flat and return to her own. She hadn’t really been listening out for the return of the others, but as she got ready for bed, it was clear that they appeared to be making a night of it. Not that it was any of her concern, of course.

The next morning, having checked on her patient and found her to be a bit sore and bruised but otherwise in good form, Claire stepped outside for a run. She wasn’t actually keen on running, but it seemed a necessary evil, based on the amount of baked goods she knew would be coming her way from Mrs. Crook in the very near future. And, she thought as her feet led her to the park nearby, my style can’t exactly be classed as running.

********

Nine years ago

“I waited fer ye tae catch up wi’ me, Sassenach. Are ye out of breath?”

“... er… can’t... talk… need... a minute…”

“We’ve no’ gone verra far, and ye’re no’ even doin’ proper runnin’. Ye’re jes’ kinda bobbin’ up and down and flappin’ yer arms a bit. Come on, let’s go a wee bit further.”

“How.. how… can you not be out of breath at all?... This will be the death of me, James Fraser... I’m only doing this because I love you.”

“I ken, and I’m only doin’ this so I can watch yer arse jigglin’ around...aye, like that.”

“Let go, I’m all sweaty and stinky… oh, where’re we going?”

“Back tae yer place. I have plans tae get ye even sweatier and then clean ye up… see, look how fast ye can run when ye want tae.”

******

Red-faced and slightly smelly, Claire stood at the entrance to the flats trying to extricate her key from her pocket while juggling a large cup of coffee and the heavy mass of Sunday newspapers. The door suddenly opened from the inside and Jamie appeared in the doorway.

Startled, Claire’s grip on the newspapers relaxed and they began to slide out of her hand. Instinctively, Jamie reached out and grabbed them, tucking them securely under Claire’s arm.

“Er, thanks.”

“Ye seem tae be making a habit of dropping things.” Jamie responded, no trace of humour in his voice.

“Sorry.” Claire wasn’t sure what she was actually apologising for, but felt compelled to say something. “Er… did you have a good time last night?”

“Aye, it was grand, verra good food.” Jamie spoke formally, as though to a stranger. “And how is yer neighbour now?”

“She’s doing well. She’s one tough cookie.” Claire winced inwardly, the obvious Americanism sounding false to her ears.

“That’s good tae hear. Well, goodbye then.”

“Bye.”

******

The pile of newspapers lay untouched on the sofa next to Claire. She leant her head back and closed her eyes, trying to make sense of her emotions over the past twenty-four hours. So many questions crowded her mind. Was he married, or was it a coincidence that a Mr. And Mrs. Fraser were currently living in her house? Would she see him again, and if so, would the frigidity between them ever thaw? Could they ever become, well, not exactly friends but amicable acquaintances? And, he had obviously stayed the night in one of the flats, but which one? He had never agreed with the idea of casual sex, but that was eight years ago. A lot can change in that time. And if so, would it have been Mary or Anna?

In the interests of being neighbourly, Claire told herself, she decided to go and see Mary and Anna to give them an update on Mrs. Crook’s condition.

It was a very bleary-eyed and pale Anna, wrapped in a faded bathrobe, who opened the door to Claire. Coughing, she shuffled her way into the semi darkness of the living room, Claire following behind. Mary sat, similarly attired, nursing a large glass of orange juice.

Mary cleared her throat. “Morning, fancy a coffee then, Claire?”

“Tell you what, you both relax and I’ll make coffees for all of us. And where do you keep the paracetamol? I think you could do with some.”

While the coffee was brewing, Claire found the paracetamol and gave two to each of the sisters. Ignoring their cries of protest, she opened the curtains and let the midday sun stream into the room.

The combination of coffee, orange juice and medication seemed to do the trick. By the time the first mug of coffee had been consumed, followed by a second mug with thickly buttered toast (all prepared by Claire), the sisters were able to fully engage in a conversation, rather than their initial monosyllabic responses.

“So was it a good night last night?” Claire asked casually.

Anna groaned. “I want to say yes… I seem to remember laughing a lot… and we went to a bar… was there karaoke, or am I imagining that?”

Mary laughed. “It wasn’t actual karaoke. That was the bar’s background music… that you insisted to sing along to… at the top of your voice… and with your hairbrush as a mic.”

Anna put her head in her hands. “God, no. How can you remember all this? Were you not drunk too?”

“Apparently not as much as you. Could have been worse, you did ask me which would make a better microphone- your hairbrush or a tampon. I advised the brush!”

“Is that all?”

“Well, you did rather try to force Jamie to sing too. I think he did it to humour you… well, don’t think it could be called singing… more a kind of chanting on one note.”

******

Nine years ago

“I feel wonderful because I see… The love light in yer eyes… And the wonder of it all… Is that ye jes’ don't realise how much I love ye”

“What?”

“Christ, Sassenach, have ye no romance in yer soul? I’m serenading ye here, a wee bit of Eric Clapton”

“Oh, is that what it was? Thanks, that’s a lovely thought, but… er… no… nothing.”

“What? I can tell from that glass face of yers, ye’re no’ impressed. Ok I admit it, I canna sing, I canna hear the music but I listen tae the words, ye ken. Ma voice may be lackin’ but I meant it all, every single word.”

“Oh, Jamie. Come over here and I’ll show you how much I appreciate it.”

*******

“So was everyone drunk then?” Claire continued the interrogation.

“Well, maybe not as much as Anna, but everyone was certainly merry. In the bar, we ordered a bottle of wine but Jamie and John moved onto whisky and I’d stopped drinking at that point, so basically Anna had a full bottle to herself.”

Anna groaned again. “I’ve just remembered walking home. Did I really make Jamie give me a piggyback?”

Mary nodded. “Yup. And you kept stroking his hair while he did.”

“Oh, did Jamie not go home then?” Claire tried to appear indifferent.

“No, John said he could crash at his. Jamie’s home isn’t in Glasgow anyway. It’s somewhere miles away, in the Highlands, I think. He’s been staying with his uncle, or cousin or something down here. Apparently, Jamie’s been in America for years and years and now he’s home for good and reconnecting with everyone.”

Claire thought for a moment and tried to think how best to phrase the next question. There was no way to be subtle about it. “And there’s no Mrs. Fraser, then?”

“Don’t think so. I’m sure he said he had no ties.” Mary answered.

Anna groaned for a third time. “God, don't you hate it when your memory starts coming back? Ignorance really is bliss, you know. I think I asked him why he was single, with a body like his. Don’t look at me like that, you two. I mean, come on, you saw him, what woman wouldn’t want a piece of that?”

“And what did he say?”

“My memory goes a bit hazy then. I think he said something about travelling around too much to settle, and then something about synchronicity... and then I had to go to the bathroom to throw up.”

***************

Claire looked round her office in frustration. Why Human Resources had to perform another audit was beyond her, but, as part of this totally necessary skills and qualifications audit, she had been asked to produce several certificates and diplomas relating to her current role -- originals, not copies. She had found most of the certificates, but was now struggling to locate her diploma for Fellowship of the Royal College of Surgeons. It wasn’t anywhere in her flat, nor was it in any of her office cabinets. She had a sneaking suspicion she knew exactly where it was… in the document safe, in the loft, back at the house. Bugger.

*******

“Ye’ll be staying fer a brew, then will ye?”

“If you’re sure I’m not bothering you, Mrs. Fraser.”

“Och, it’s nae bother… and, please call me Jocasta. Ma husband will be here in a minute. I’m sure he’ll be wantin’ tae meet ye.”

Claire sat in her kitchen (no, remember, not her kitchen any more) while Jocasta busied herself making a pot of tea and adding a tin of shortbread to the table.

“I guess mebbe we should use another room tae sit in, but I do love this kitchen. Murtagh and I eat most of our meals in here.” Jocasta poured the tea and passed it over to Claire.

Sitting across from Claire and picking up a shortbread finger, she continued. “We’re verra happy here, ye ken. I’d been in New Zealand fer nigh on thirty years, went over wi’ ma first husband, but always wanted tae come back. Then when I met Murtagh and we talked about getting married, we kent we’d come home together fer good.”

“Were ye talking about me?” Murtagh came up behind Jocasta and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“Murtagh, this is Claire. This is her, weel, her uncle’s house. She needed tae collect something, and now she’s staying fer a cup of tea and a wee chat.”

“Please tae meet ye, Claire. I dare say Jocasta’s told ye we’re mightily fond of this house.” Beneath the heavy dark beard, streaked liberally with silver, he smiled softly. “It’s tae big fer us really, but it means we can have plenty of visitors coming tae stay with us. Ma goddaughter has three bairns. And ma godson is jes’ back in Scotland himself. He’d been in America fer several years.”

Claire started at the mention of Murtagh’s godson. It couldn’t be, and yet… she placed her cup on the table a little too quickly, banging against the biscuit tin.

Murtagh continued. “Aye, he did well over there but there’s always the pull of yer own home. He and his sister live up no’ far from Inverness. A quiet wee place, sae I think he likes tae come and stay fer a bit of excitement, mebbe a lassie or two has caught his eye.”

He gave an exaggerated wink as Jocasta playfully punched his arm. Claire tried to appear calm, but worried about her ‘glass face’, she picked up her cup, holding it in front of her face as some sort of shield.

“Ow, what was that fer?” Murtagh joked. “I’m jes’ sayin’ what I think. ‘Tis high time the lad settled down. Even more so now he’s runnin’ Lallybroch since his da’s heart attack.”

Shocked, Claire inhaled sharply. “Heart attack?” she asked without thinking.

Jocasta studied Claire’s face. “Aye, Murtagh’s cousin had a heart attack six months ago. Why, dear?”

“Oh, no matter,” Claire struggled for a reasonable response. “I’m a cardiothoracic surgeon. Professional interest, that’s all.”

“Professional interest, is it?” Jocasta replied, with a smile. “Aye, that’s all.”

Note: Quote from Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton

#outlander fan fiction #outlander fanfic #Letting Go #Jamie Fraser #claire beauchamp #Chapter 5

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cilldaracailin · 4 years

Text

Under Pressure

This is the last chapter of Under Pressure... But I do have a sequel which I will start posting too. :)

This story can also be found on AO3 here: http://www.archiveofourown.org/works/23570293/chapters/56548318

“Sadly enough, the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained.”

It was the beeping sound that fully woke him up. Before that he had been in and out of a hazy sleep but now, he could feel his eyes opening, blinking as they adjusted to the lights above his head, a head that was clear and not woozy, the oxygen that was flowing into his nose helping with that. Opening his eyes fully, he was able to take in his surroundings and Taron could see he was tucked into a hospital bed.

He took a moment to move his fingers and his toes, then his legs and his arms, almost melting into the soft mattress under his body, as the movement felt free and painless. His stomach had settled and that agony he had been cursed with was gone and Taron could cry with the relief.

“Hey Taron.” He looked to his left to see the nurse who had been beside him earlier as the doctor examined him, a clipboard in her hands. “How are you feeling?” She asked.

Taron had to try and answer the question twice, as the first time, his throat was dry and he had to swallow to ease the scratchy feeling before he could find his voice. “Not too bad.”

“How’s the pain? Anything hurt?” Taron shook his head, not trusting his voice to speak again. “Let me get you some water.” Ruth opened the bottle of water she had left ready for Taron for when he woke up, and poured some into a glass. “Can you hold it?” She asked handing it to him.

Taron took the glass from the nurse in his right hand, only then noticing the heart monitor on his finger and the nurse had to help him hold the glass until he got a good grip of it. He lifted the glass to his lips and took a small sip and then a bigger drink, enjoying the refreshment of the water. He gave the glass back to the nurse who left it on the table beside the bed.

“Better?”

“Yeah.”

“I am going to go and get Doctor Hart Taron. He asked me to go and get him when you woke up.”

“What time is it?” Asked Taron feeling quite disorientated.

“It is just after nine.”

“Nine am?”

“No nine pm.”

Taron was taken aback by the time. “How long have I been asleep?”

“About fourteen hours. I am going to get Doctor Hart now. He just wants to talk to you about your tests results.”

Taron watched the nurse leave the room and lay back on the pillow behind his head, once again appreciating how his body felt free from any pain. Having been crippled with twinges and aches earlier, in tears as he dealt with spasm after spasm, being able to move his arm now without the fear of a cramp coming on was a new guilty pleasure for him. He looked down to his left arm and saw the IV line was still there so he gathered the reason for his sudden comfort was from a serious amount of pain killers that were being pumped into his body through the IV line. Thinking about comfort, quickly turned Taron’s thoughts to what had become his comfort before the pain killers were introduced to his body and that was Robyn. He was very much looking forward to getting to see her so he could properly thank her for how she had looked after him especially now that he could think clearly and be able to construct an understandable sentence.

The door to the room opened again and Taron lifted his head to see the nurse and the doctor walk back in.

“Taron, it is very good to see you awake. How are you feeling?” Doctor Hart walked up beside the bed.

“I’m ok actually.”

“And how is the pain? Are you feeling anything?”

“None.”

“I am afraid I have lulled you into a false sense of pain free security Taron. I have made sure that you have been given a lot of pain relief because when you came into the hospital you were in a considerable amount of discomfort but I will be decreasing it gradually as the days go on. Not today but as your body starts to heal, we will be lowering the dosage. Don’t look so concerned. I have to do it so I can gage how your injuries are, not because I am an evil doctor.” He could immediately see that panic he had seen before in his patient’s eyes start to relight. “Please be assured Taron, you will not be laying here in pain but as the days go on, I do have to re-examine you, so to get an accurate analysis, I need you to be able to feel something but we’re not going to worry about that right now.” Doctor Hart sat on the chair beside the bed. “I am going to make the rest of this quick. I am very pleased with all of your results Taron. Everything has come back clear. I have stitched your arm and added some steri-strips to your head, both wounds will heal very well. You have some badly bruised ribs which you will feel for a few weeks and your chest is going to feel tender too because of the pressure from the compressions Robyn gave you during CPR. No broken bones and a very mild concussion. I wasn’t lying to you in the CT room when I said you were very lucky.” As Doctor Hart spoke, he was impressed to see Taron keep eye contact with him the entire time, listening closely as he spoke. “It will be a few weeks of rest and recovery. Richard was telling me that you are an actor and in the middle of filming a particularly stunt heavy movie.” Taron nodded. “I am afraid that is out of the question Taron. You have to make sure your body heals fully before you even think about going back to work like that. If you don’t, you can do more serious damage that may not be reparable. When you leave the hospital, you will have to take it easy and just relax and binge watch some Netflix.”

“When do you think I can leave the hospital?” Asked Taron trying to process all of the information he was being given and wondering how his director was going to take the news that he wouldn’t be back on set ready to film any time soon.

“If you listen to the nurses and continue to sleep and rest in here, by the end of the week I would be happy to discharge you. In a day or two, the nurses will help to build your strength back up by small walks around the ward too. Once you are discharged, I will make sure to prescribe you with some painkillers and an appointment to have those stitches out.”

Taron nodded. “Thanks doctor.” Considering how he had felt coming into the hospital, he was surprised to hear that he wasn’t as beat up as he thought he was.

“No problem. Ruth is going to keep an eye on you so if you need anything you can ask her. Take some time to breathe and sleep, definitely sleep and if you want to ask me anything about your results or the CT scan, Ruth can come and find me and I will come back but for the time being I just want you to take it very easy. You may have escaped some serious injuries but you are still hurt so don’t try and jump back into your daily life too quickly.” Doctor Hart and stood up and turned to Ruth and the two walked towards the door. “I shall leave him with you then. I know his friend is outside and will want to see him but after that, lets just top up that medicine as before.”

Even though Doctor Hart was pleased with Taron, the young man still looked physically exhausted and he really wanted his patient to sleep comfortably so he had asked Ruth so give Taron some more medicine to help him rest peacefully with no interruptions.

“Richard can visit for about half an hour Ruth and then I really want Taron resting. He has been through a lot and needs to recuperate plus visiting hours were over two hours ago but I don’t think Richard has actually left the hospital since he came in. I will go and get him now.”

Taron let his head fall back on the pillow. There was so much going through his mind at the moment but he pushed his busy thoughts to the side, feeling eager to see Richard and Robyn again, the trio having made a bond over something so surreal and he really could do some of that comfort that only Robyn knew how to give, calming his chaotic mind.

He was aware of Ruth moving around his bed, checking IV lines and taking notes on his chart but soon the door opened and he looked up to see Richard come into the room and close the door behind him. Taron felt his face frown when the door didn’t open again and it was just Richard walking towards him.

“Hey mate, it is good to see you awake.” Said Richard as he took the seat the doctor had just been in.

“I will leave you guys to catch up. Richard, you have thirty minutes. That is all. Taron needs to rest and visiting hours are over.”

“I know. Doctor Hart has already explained it to me.”

“I will be back in thirty.”

Once the door had closed Taron looked to Richard. “Where is Robyn?” He asked. “Isn’t she with you?” Richard couldn’t look at his friend and Taron immediately knew something wasn’t right and he tried to sit up in the bed but had to stop when his left arm protested with the IV. “Richard, where is Robyn?”

“We both came to see you much earlier this morning, around seven and Doctor Hart told us how you were and said we could sit with you for a while before we had to go. We had just sat down when my phone rang and it was my mum. I left the room to answer it, leaving Robyn here to sit with you and when I came back, she was gone and this was left on your pillow.”

Richard pulled a crumpled note from his pocket and gave it to Taron.

“I’m sorry Taron.”

Taron took the paper from his friend and opened it, looking at handwriting he didn’t recognise at all and started to read the words on the page.

‘Hey Taron,

I know this letter is not the way I wanted us to part but sometimes, hard decisions have to made and this is one of the hardest I have ever had to make.

Please believe me, I would not have left in this way, if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that you were going to make a full recovery and after speaking with Doctor Hart, I know you are going to be just fine, that you are in the best care possible and Richard is here with you too.

And knowing that has made this choice easier for me which I know is selfish on my part considering I got to say good bye and you didn’t but I have to go back home. I have my own responsibilities that I need to get back to. I need to get back to my reality and you to yours.

I am sorry we won’t get to have that karaoke battle; I was really looking forward to that. Elton vs Freddie – It would have been a good one,

I have spoken to your mam twice by the time you will have gotten this letter and she knows the extent of what has happened but not all the facts – Richard can fill you in on the remaining details because I would hope by now Richard has also spoken to your mam but I have eased her worries and made sure she knows that you will be ok with lots of rest. She can’t wait to hear your voice. Your sisters too.

Thank you for trusting in me in the 7/11. I am sure that was not an easy thing to do – letting a stranger take your actual life into their hands.

I wish you nothing but the best for whatever life brings you.

Thank you for being a ‘Rocketman’.

Robyn xx’

Taron dropped the letter onto the bed and looked to Richard with tears in his eyes. “She went home.” A single tear rolled down his cheek that he didn’t bother to wipe away. “She went home.” He repeated laying back on the pillow, another tear rolling down his cheek. He closed his eyes and let a long breathe leave his lips, a miserable upsetting feeling settling in him as he had to come to terms with the fact that Robyn was not coming through the door and all he had was a letter from her. A letter was not the comfort he needed right now, he needed so much more but he realised quickly he was not going to get it and turning his face away from Richard, he buried the side of his face into the pillow.

“I am really sorry Taron.” Repeated Richard seeing how the letter from Robyn was affecting his friend.

Richard got his own shock when he came back to Taron’s room that morning to see that Robyn was nowhere to be found. At first, he had thought she might have gone to the bathroom but then he saw two letters on Taron’s pillow, one with his name and one with Taron’s name, Richard knew she hadn’t just left to go the bathroom.

He opened his letter to read something similar to what she had wrote to Taron, explaining that she had to go home and asking him to ring Taron’s mam, thanking him for helping to look after Taron but there was no phone number, no address and not even a surname on the letter. Richard was ushered out of Taron’s room an hour later and he had moved back to the waiting room and stayed there until Doctor Hart walked in, wanting to make it clear to Richard that he couldn’t stay in the hospital all day but once he had heard that Robyn had left, he allowed Richard to wait to talk to Taron when he woke up. Robyn’s instructions in Richards letter were very clear, once Taron had woken up, he had to give the letter to Taron himself.

Now that Richard had done so, it was desperately hard to watch Taron reaction to Robyn’s unexpected departure. He knew from speaking with Robyn in the 7/11 that she was due back on work at seven thirty on Monday morning but really didn’t think she was actually going to get her flight back home, considering their grim night together but she had left without saying a face to face goodbye to either of them.

Once again, the only sounds that filled the hospital room were the beeping coming from the machine beside Richard and an odd sniffle from Taron but those sniffles slowly faded and Taron drifted off to sleep again, mostly with the help of the medicine he had been given by Ruth before Richard had walked in. Taron couldn’t quite understand the hurt he was feeling and this wasn’t a physically hurt hut rather a gut wrenching one and it was a drug induced sleep that helped to take the sadness he was feeling away. He was never going to get the chance to repay Robyn for what she had done, he was more than likely never going to see the woman who had saved his life again.

#Taron Egerton #Taron Egerton Fanfiction #Richard Madden #Loss #Sadness #Lonely #Friendship #Hospitals #Angst

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