#and that’s entirely due to my parents and the doctor not listening to me when I told them that I was in extreme joint pain year after year

[nope-body]

.

#so like taking with the physical therapist yesterday helped me feel a bit more optimistic about my future #but they operate under the goal of getting people to as low of a pain rating as possible #which isn’t a bad thing! #but it’s just hard to believe them when they say that one of my goals is bringing my baseline pain down to a four (currently between 6 and 7 #but used to be between 7 and 8) #like yes! it’s only been three months and my pain has gotten better but it just means that I’m able to do more to keep up with my peers #it was hindering me significantly and still does! #so whenever my pain decreases I do more and then my pain goes back up because half of it is just trying to live my life #my pain keeps me from functioning and doing things I want to do and I don’t even realize it because I’m so used to it #and that’s entirely due to my parents and the doctor not listening to me when I told them that I was in extreme joint pain year after year #and they dismissed me. They just dismissed me! #I could have gotten physical therapy so much earlier. It might have prevented tons of pain! #but I was ignored for five years and now I tell doctors my average pain level and they do a double take because a person should not be #going through their entire day at a 7! that’s not something most people are able to do let alone do every single day!! #but I never had any other choice #i bought myself a cane because I got tired of limping by the end of the day #I had no guidance or support. I barely knew what I was doing other than I needed something to help me when my hip won’t stay in place #I couldn’t even go to my parents because they wouldn’t believe me and they’d just make me feel bad for it! #I cannot conceptualize being in no pain because I almost never experience it #and apparently people aren’t even supposed to be in pain most of the time #it just. sucks. it really does

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

Interviews for New Beginnings: Part 1

Alfie Solomons x Fem!Reader, Fluff

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Swearing, Period Era Sexism

A/N: Hi guys! This is my first fic in over a year, but I dont know I just wanted to have fun! Also lets be real... i needed these ideas out of my head. Please enjoy, have fun! Have an amazing rest of your day! Hi everyone!!! So this became a multi chapter story! This has been so much fun and I am so excited to see where this story goes! If you are interested in continuing this story, go to my tags and click ‘Interviews for New Beginnings’ there all parts will be together! Eventually I’ll put together a master list for it! Love you guys so much, I’m so glad you guys are having fun!!

You had heard about this job from your cousin Eli. And maybe that should’ve been the first clue that perhaps this may not have been a completely legal or safe or upstanding or above the table or whatever good adjective your parents could come up with position. But you had told Eli that you needed a job! And he did find you one! And your parents should be overjoyed that you will be working in the same “bakery” as a male cousin. It’s not proper for a woman to be working without a family member’s presence… especially where there are other men in the office.

“When you go in there be sure to look strong, but not too strong, emphasize that you’re docile and you want to please him.” Eli had been quizzing you about your skill sets and how you were to behave in the interview the entire walk to “The Bakery”. And while Eli was so sweet and more of a brother than a cousin… you couldn’t keep your irritation at bay.

“Tell me Eli… am I interviewing for the position of personal secretary or personal wh-“

“And don’t be so quick with that mouth of yours! Listen… Mr. Solomons is one of the most important men in Camden. This could be a really big opportunity for you. Being the personal secretary of one of the biggest names in the city can give you a steady income and some real independence! But that means you can’t be so…”

“Myself?” You say with a cocked brow and a bumped hip.

Eli’s eyes lit up as if a child he had been teaching finally understood arithmetic, “yes! Yes exactly! Listen while you’re in front of Mr. Solomons, it’s ‘yes sir’ and no questions asked. Got it?”

You sigh and roll your eyes. It felt like you had had this conversation so many times in different ways. Why did your parents care to educate you so much if you weren’t allowed to use your mind? You had asked your father many times, if God gave you a mouth and brain, why shouldn’t you be allowed to use them? And he was never really able to answer beyond a couple phrases talking about the ‘role of women’. You had just been fired from a doctor’s office due to talking back to an unruly patient. Truthfully, this was your last shot to get real independence. It was either this job… or letting your parents begin the process of finding a husband.

You finally reach the door of the bakery, and Eli turns you toward him to fix your hair and straighten your sweater, “Ok ok. Here we are dearest. Now just follow me, don’t make eye contact with everyone and just… be good.”

You chuckle out a, “Yes mum.”

With a laugh he shoves your arm, and gives his name to the young man standing by the door. With a nod he opens the door and lets you in, quickly following Eli’s steps.

While Eli said you couldn’t make eye contact with anyone he never said you couldn’t look at the bakery. It didn’t take you long to notice that while all the men were wearing aprons… there was a distinct lack of… bread… or anything to do with bread. Soon after this you began to feel that memorable tickle in your nose. Rum you thought to yourself. With a smirk you ran up behind Eli and whispered, “Wow quite the bakery Eli. Does the family know about your little rum house job?”

His face was pale, and he was clearly in no mood to joke. With a huff you returned to your previous pace, and you see that the office is just ahead.

Suddenly you feel the flush in your neck, and begin to steel yourself. You had of course heard about Mr. Alfred Solomons. The King of Camden. The Brave War Captain turned Ruthless Gangster. Eli was not kidding when he said that Mr. Solomons was one of the most important people in the city. He ruled the community. This was not the time and place for your mouth to act up. This was the time to behave and play it safe.

Eli rapped the door of the private office gently, and was met with a gruff, "What now!?"

Eli with a shaking hand opened the door, "Mr. Solomons? It's me Eli I..."

"What the fuck do you want eh? Come on now yeah you interrupt me and just stand there acting like you've been struck dumb by God. Come on!!"

Eli kept stammering, basically useless, so you stepped up, "Mr. Solomons, I'm Eli's cousin. I'm here for the secretary position."

Mr. Solomons eyebrows furrowed, looking you up and down. You couldn't help but feel like a child in front of his stare. Fiery, discerning, and just plain terrifying. "You said you're here for what?"

"The secretary position. My cousin said you were in need of a secretary."

Mr. Solomons looked at Eli and looked at you, "And you think you're qualified for a secretary position?"

The heat in your chest started to grow. And you could feel your temper begging to be let out. But you had to make a good impression. You needed this job. You needed to be sweet and to behave.

You nodded, "Yes sir, I can assure you I am I-"

"I'm sorry treacle but this simply will not do." Mr. Solomons cut you off. "What I am doing here right? I'm running a legitimate business. I am running something very difficult that little girls like you simply could not deal with yeah? Now run along and go do whatever young girls do yeah?"

"Mr. Solomons I-"

"Treacle now you're making me a little frustrated right, I said run along now."

You could feel the heat rising and rising, and Eli tugging at your sleeve, "Mr. Solomons if you will just listen-"

Mr. Solomons rose from his desk, "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I SAID LEAVE."

"I AM YOUR NEW SECRETARY DAMNIT."

The room went silent. The entire bakery went silent. And from the corner of your eye you can see different men pausing, waiting to see what would happen next.

Alfred Solomons, for the first time in his life, was left speechless. The last woman who had yelled at him was his mother. Usually, women run and hide from him upon the first interaction. Men have wet themselves from his bellowing. Yet... this little woman is standing here, screaming at him, demanding to be heard. He did not know what to do, he could only stare at her.

You tried to be good. You really did try! But it was too late now. Mr. Solomons was just staring at you, and you had a point to make.

"Mr. Solomons, I am the most capable secretary that you will ever have walk through these doors. I am fluent in Russian, Yiddish, Hebrew, and French. Not only can I read and write, I was the best in my class in maths. I am a damn good baker, though clearly you do not need my services there. I am incredibly punctual and polite and am able to talk to anyone. And to top it all off, I make a very good cup of tea. Now I put on my best dress and shoes and I walked 45 minutes to get to your ridiculous office and I will be damned if I will leave here without a job! Do I have your attention now sir?"

While you were speaking Alfred Solomons had slowly lowered himself into his seat, with a smile on his face. He was stroking his beard, considering your fiery eyes, and the shape of your lips while you yelled at him. He began to laugh to himself, "Come sit down treacle. Eli, get the fuck out, stand by the door."

You turned to look at your cousin, but he had already closed the door behind him. You walked to the desk where Mr. Solomons was sitting, and took a seat directly in front of him. Where he had been leaning back in his chair, he was now leaning forward on the desk, resting on his elbows on top of a thick layer of papers. His eyes twinkled, and a handsome smirk played on his lips. Your rage was still simmering, and it was hating you for staring at those eyes.

"You can read and write?"

"Yes."

"How fast can you type?"

"80 words per minute."

"You're good at math?"

"You want to put a slate in front of me and have me recite a King's speech as well Mr. Solomons?"

He barked out a laugh, "Fuck me. You've got a sharp tongue on you don't you?"

"I have language why not use it."

"Fucking hell...alright listen here you little viper. I want you here every morning at 8 o'clock. Ready to work. You will have many a late night in this job. You will be my personal secretary, which means when I say "come here", I better see you before I finish that sentence. You'll need to write letters for me as well as manage my meetings alright? You will be my shadow. Any questions?"

"What is my salary?"

He paused, staring at you, seemingly trying to see how low you would take, "4 pounds a week."

"6"

"Good Lord what do you need 6 pounds a week for? 4 and a half and thats generous."

"Mr. Solomons I'm not stupid I know what you do. You need me. You want to become a respectable businessman you need someone like me to make sure your affairs are in order. I know you are working with many different people, and you need my abilities. I am the best you will ever have. 5 and a half."

Alfred keeps stroking his beard...wondering how the hell Eli could be related to someone so strong... and how much it was going to cost to keep you, "5 pounds a week. And I will give you a Hanukkah bonus."

"...And Rosh Hoshannah off."

"Done."

You stood to shake his hand, firmly, though he kept smirking as he shook yours. "Alright my little viper, I will see you tomorrow. Bring ink and a notebook. We start at 8."

"Thank you Mr. Solomons. You won't regret this!"

"Alfie. You will call me Alfie from now on."

The way he said it while staring into your eyes brought a heat to your cheeks, and you prayed that he couldn't see any change in your demeanor. "Alfie." You whispered as you nodded and walked away.

He couldn't help but linger there in that moment, watching you walk away, speaking animatedly with Eli. Never had he ever felt so... struck by a woman before. He had women before of course, but no woman had captivated him the way you just did. He needed you. He needed you with him, in any way that you allowed him to have you near. Maybe this was a mistake, but he highly doubted it. How could a mistake be so beautiful?

"OLLIE!" He yelled, "WE NEED A DESK AND CHAIR NOW!"

#alfie solomons x reader #alfred solomons #alfie solomons #alfie solomons x y/n #alfie solomons x you #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #this is my new hyperfixation #i just love him #daddy i love him #Interviews for New Beginnings

[estcaligo]

Sebek's ears

Sebek x gn!reader, with a bit of angst

"Sebek, put that down!" a worried shout pierced the room. Doctor Zigvolt dashed towards the boy, but it was too late - the child had already nicked his ear. It wasn't a serious injury, thankfully, but blood stained his son's ear, neck, shirt, and his mint hair.

Hearing the commotion, Mrs. Zigvolt hurried into the room. "Darling, what's-...!!!" Her voice caught in her throat, turned into a scream of shock that thundered throughout the household, startling every bird in the vicinity into a flutter of panic, as if sensing an imminent danger. 

But there was no danger. Only blood. And tears. And a kid in front of a mirror with a kitchen knife in his hands.

"Sebek, let me take a look. You might get an infec- " Mr. Zigvolt tried to approach Sebek gently, but the boy pushed him away, sobbing loudly.

"This is your fault! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!! I HATE YOU!!!" Sebek cried out in despair, tears streaming down his sorrowful face as he ran past his parents. Mrs. Zigvolt could easily treat any wounds (it was one of the reasons she had been accepted to work at her husband's clinic despite lacking medical training), but now was not the time - Sebek wouldn't listen. So she just stood beside her spouse, watching their youngest son run away, not daring to break the silence. Words were unnecessary; they both understood. Sebek, despite being only 5, had already expressed a grand displeasure towards his human side. The destructive prejudice he had acquired not without help…

…

"A kitchen knife?... Back in Briar Valley, my grandfather would always look displeased whenever I entered the kitchen. So, I'm entirely unfamiliar with all cooking implements." Sebek said to the ghost chef.

"Oh? Why is that?" the chef asked.

"I have no idea... But he especially kept me away from sharp objects, like knives." he replied, examining the object in his hand.

"Well, mastering this skill is necessary for the course, so do your best!" the chef cheered, floating next to him.

"YES, CHEF!" Sebek boomed, making all the pans and pots shiver, and got back to cooking his dish.

…

It was rigorous but rewarding training, Sebek reflected, slowly washing his hands. Days spent in the kitchen were filled with various instructions and orders from the ghost chefs, requiring quick reactions, but due to their ghostly nature their words often faded, lingering in the air, so a regular human would have trouble hearing them. BUT NOT SEBEK ZIGVOLT. He had perfect hearing, his ears were sharper than...

…Sharper than what?....

He looked into the mirror of the Diasomnia dorm's bathroom, coming to wash away the smell and smudges from the Master Chef course. His face darkened once again as he lingered too long on his right ear. He remembered that day vividly. When he, a young and immature kid, tried to... tried to become a fae? Tired of being bullied by those around him, he believed that if he changed his ears - made them pointy like everyone else's - it would help him fit in. But now he understood how foolish it was.

Yet still. What makes a fae?  A pair of pointy ears? “Not necessarily” is what his mother always used to say Be blessed by night, but don’t forget about the day And remembers, and he knows No need in those Yet still.

A bitter feeling of unfairness washed over him as he was drifting off to sleep.

Why? Of all human qualities, why did he have to have round ears? He had asked himself this question a million times. And it wasn't as if he lacked fae qualities - his hearing surpassed any human's, and he could even hear and understand the fae language, something no human could do due to its nature. He possessed all these abilities, yet they were overshadowed by this small, bitter nuance - his appearance. Genetics had played a cruel joke on him, he thought. Despite his efforts, he will always look like a weak, useless human.

Speaking of weak humans.

You and Sebek had arranged to meet at the gates to head down to Foothill Town today. Rumor had it that the famous bookshop there had new arrivals, and you were eager to take a look. And since Sebek was so knowledgeable about books, you invited him along. Of course, it wasn't like he really wanted to go with you! He had far more important matters to attend to. However, he couldn't risk you selecting subpar books that you might later mention in conversations with Master Malleus - Sebek couldn't let your lack of discernment in literature reflect poorly on the Young Lord!! So, he was coming with you, for that reason alone, nothing more! … The road wasn't long, and once you arrived at the shop, you began browsing the shelves. The selection was vast: novels, scientific works, poems, historical texts, dictionaries, even books in languages you couldn’t understand. Unable to decide, you grabbed a handful of books that caught your attention and retreated to a quiet corner to examine your finds.

“Get on with this human, I don't have all day” he said, standing next to you, arms crossed.

“Ok ok, how about this one?”

"It looks fine. You can keep it, I suppose."

"Great! And this?" you showed Sebek another book, but he frowned slightly.

"It doesn't seem like a decent book to me. Better put it away."

"Why? It's about knights. What exactly do you dislike about it?"

"The cover doesn't look appealing. As if they didn't put much effort into designing it properly!" he declared loudly enough to draw a few judgmental glances from the other customers.

"And that's it?" you blinked at him. "But the plot itself must be good!"

"I've given my opinion, do as you wish, human!" he huffed, turning away.

"...Oh, Sebek. Never judge a book by its cover."

…

In the end, you purchased quite a few books (Crowley had been unusually generous this month, providing you with some extra money), and Sebek helped you carry them back to the Ramshackle. As a thank-you for accompanying you, you offered to share a cup of tea together and he agreed. 

...However, for the two of you, it was never just "having a cup of tea".

As usual, you found yourselves engrossed in intimate conversations, drawn close to each other.

Grim was absent, so it was just you and him on the couch in the spacious Ramshackle hall. Two cups of tea, long forgotten and gone cold, sat on the table.

Sebek rested his head on your lap, as he often did during your moments together, rambling about the books, his duties, or about Malleus, speaking quieter than his usual self. And you just patiently listened, knowing how hard he worked every day and wanting him to have some rest once in a while. The fact that he could relax in your presence made you genuinely happy.

Wrapped in serenity, you gently caressed his mint hair, occasionally running your fingers over his ears. You had grown accustomed to seeing them very clearly, as Sebek wore his hair swept back all the time. But when he was with you he sometimes let his hair loose and his ears became hidden amidst the soft waves of green, looking like two small islands surrounded by endless grassy seas. Or like curious animals peeking from the leaves. It was both adorable and endearing, and you couldn't help but giggle quietly. “Human! Is there a problem with your ears?! I’m talking to you!” Sebek’s loud voice brought you back from your daydreaming.

“Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment.” 

“Hmph! And what was so captivating that you ignored my question?”

“Oh... er... your ears” you smiled shyly.

“My... what?”

…

“Your beautiful, lovely, adorable ears" you laughed at his reaction, showering him with compliments before placing a kiss on his right ear - the one he had once tried to...

A wave of strange warmth suddenly flushed through his body. Why would you say such things about his terrible flaw?

All his life, people around him in his homeland had diminished him because of his round ears. On Sage’s Island, people just ignored this feature, so he assumed they wouldn’t comment on the obvious. But you? The way you touched them, the way you kissed them - without revulsion, without hesitation, without doubt.

For a moment, he felt something unfamiliar - like nothing else mattered. An unusual feeling, one he only experienced by your side. But he liked it.

Who cared if he didn't have pointy ears? Who cared about others' judgments?

You were right - only fools judge a book by its cover.

“Sebek, do you hear me?” you were the one asking this time.

“Yes. Yes, I can hear you very well, dear human” he said, leaning in for a kiss.

#yes i'm doing it #i really like this one #twisted wonderland #sebek zigvolt #twst sebek #sebek zigvolt x reader #sebek x reader #caligo's stories

[m3r1m4r5u333]

I was thinking of the episode titles in season 7 in relation to Buddie.

7x01 "Abandon ships" basically has them abandoning their current relationships, right?

Buck tells Eddie that he broke up with Natalia.

Also, Eddie needs help co-parenting and instead of asking his girlfriend, he asks Buck to talk with Chris.

The way they combine Eddie's and Marisol's date with Christopher's, and then Eddie muses about the date feeling just friendly when the camera is actually focused on him and Marisol...

Then Buck brings up sexual tension while he's putting out a fire... And Eddie stares.

---

The emergency in 7x01, introducing the couple at the pool? Feels like a recap of past events.

With the guy passing out mid sex and the woman becoming trapped due to the stress response making her muscles spasm...?

Is truly such a hilarious retelling of Eddie's panic attacks.

The poor woman, still trapped, is basically living the life of Ana Flores:

"I don't even know how this happened. I mean, I know how it happened. We were, you know, doing it, and then he got woozy and started complaining about chest pains, and he went limp. Well, mostly - because every time I try to get free, I can't! What is happening?!"

The team tries to figure out how to help,

Hen comes to the conclusion that the medical emergency does not appear to be a heart attack (much like Eddie's panic attacks weren't either) and then states that

"What we need to do, is get him out of this hot water!"

(Hot water, indeed.)

The woman begs for help because she does not wish to have an embarrassing hospital trip.

The parallel - remember the cringy conversation at the hospital, when the doctor & the people in the room were trying to figure out what could be making Eddie so stressed, and Eddie reveals his hand by looking at Ana. Embarrassing all around!

So the team at the pool tries to come up with a solution, and decide they should help her relax.

Eddie's watching the pool scene unfold and is then like

"(*sighs*) This is the story of my fucking life. Okay, I got this. I know how to deal with panic attacks!"

So he orders Buck to switch with Hen, to get Buck closer.

So the first step to the road to recovery and getting out of panic mode is Buck getting closer! (And he did, didn't he. Eddie talked with Buck, then broke up with Ana, and Eddie was able spend more time with Buck again.)

Then Eddie asks if Buck's "got him?" (meaning the man who's collapsed), Buck does.

Then Eddie rambles on about a game called Jell-o body, to get the woman to relax. Apparently that's how Eddie also calms himself down (which is a fun fact I did not know I needed, but I will cherish it to the grave anyway).

I'm not entirely sure what the "lime jell-O" reference could mean, but after some obsessed googling, I'm thinking it means incompatible ingredients - components which do not work well together.

These absolutely mad jell-o recipes used to be a thing, and also ridiculed. Go listen to "Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise", if you haven't, it's pretty funny.

Anyway. Would make sense in the context I'm seeing here. Picturing lime jell-O is what brings the stress level down because it reminds you that it's okay to let go. Some things just aren't meant to be. Like Eddie and Ana weren't!

...

So. Does this mad rambling of mine make any sense to anyone but me? 😅

#911 on abc #buddie #911 buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie 911 #evan buck buckley #eddie díaz #911 season 7 spoilers #911 speculation

[kalena-henden]

Shows I finished in 2024 so far...

A Good Day to be a Dog - A woman accidentally kisses her co-worker and turns into a dog during the night due to a family curse. She has to get her co-worker to kiss her as a dog to break stay human full-time or she will permanently remain a dog after 100 days. The first two-thirds were fun hijinks and a cute romance. The final third with the past life curse origin was a drag. Still upset the mountain god didn't apologize after wrongly punishing the wrong people due to his misunderstanding.

My Demon - A high powered business woman becomes entangled with a deal-making demon when she saves him and his powers transfer to her. This show stole plot heavily from shows like Goblin and Doom at Your Service and failed to do make those concepts their own. However, I still enjoyed it to the end, mostly due to the chemistry between the leads. They had such a fun and lively relationship.

The Story of Park's Marriage Contract - A Joseon-era bride who is widowed on her wedding day is transported to the future where she falls for a man who looks exactly like her dead husband. The story was okay but I was mainly here for the chemistry between the leads.

Fixer Upper: Hotel - Chip and Jo work their magic on an entire hotel. I love seeing the process and the design is beautiful as always.

Memorist - A detective who can see people's thoughts when he touches them teams up with a genius profiler to take down murders. As mysteries unfold and truths are revealed, everything is not as it seems forcing them to confront their traumatic pasts. I binged this in 4 days. The first half is dark but, just when I thought I had the villains pegged, the story opens up to explore the various sides of people to reveal the good, the bad, and the morally grey. I'm still thinking about this months later. I especially loved our detective/profiler team. I really want to rewatch.

Be Melodramatic - This a satire on the entertainment industry, grief, motherhood, and love that is done with 100% deadpan humor which is why I thought the concepts were interesting but fell flat due to not connecting with the humor. This took me almost 9 months to finish.

Death's Game - A man kills himself and then is given 12 chances to survive in someone else's body or he will be sent to hell. It's an anti-suicide version of A Christmas Carol. It was okay. While a host of great actors shine in their guest roles, it was maddening that the man didn't seem to learn along the way until the last body. Where the story ended felt like a copout. If this were a movie where you don't have much time, I would understand, but I wanted to see what would happen next. We needed just one more episode.

Marry My Husband - A woman with terminal cancer is murdered by her husband and best friend who were having an affair, when she is transported back in time before she was married to change her fate and find the love she deserves. This was such a great revenge story. Some of the best villains in kdramaland. A cute romance with a man who adores her. Real friendships. And the OSTs will stick with you.

Queen of Divorce - It started off okay but went downhill quickly. Honestly, such a waste of a great cast.

Daisy Jones & The Six - An interesting look at a fictional 70s rock band as they rise to the top before flaming out. I had listened to the audiobook but I liked the series better.

Doctor Slump - Two young doctors who were academic rivals in high school find themselves grappling with depression and fall in love as they heal together. This was a solid, even keel show for me. I enjoyed their healing journey and their romance.

Live Your Own Life - An outcast chaebol whose parents died in a mysterious car crash falls for his hardworking trainer who needs to learn to become independent from her family. I watched this 50-episode family drama for Ha Joon. There were some interesting things that kept me watching but it was just okay.

Princess Hours - The crown prince and a young artist, who are both high school seniors, navigate the complexities of an arranged marriage and court politics in modern day Korea. This was a really interesting study in how people can change and grow and fall in love as they grapple with the expectations of a nation. It's an old school kdrama and alot is meant to be inferred. It's almost as much about what is not shown or said as much as what is which was frustrating at times. However, when someone explained things, everything started to click for me and I saw all the things that were implied increasing my enjoyment.

Wedding Impossible - A gay chaebol asks his best friend to marry him to hide his sexuality from everyone. His brother who wants him to marry someone else for his own good decides to break them up by seducing his brother's fiance. It's a ridiculous premise with a fun, bickering enemies to lovers couple. It lags a bit in the last part but I still enjoyed this romance. Moon Sang Min is a new fave.

High School King of Savvy - A high school hockey player is asked by his older brother to pretend to be him at his job as a corporate executive while he investigates something nefarious. The high schooler then has to juggle both school and work life as he unexpectedly falls for his brother's secretary. This is a crazy, age-gap romance with Seo In Guk. The only reason the romance works is because both the leads are so pure hearted and kind. Lee Soo Hyuk is doing his best sexy, self-sabotaging second male lead, who even smiles! It was a bit much but it settled down in the second half and I loved the big found family feel of the cast.

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes - The first half was interesting with many characters’ selfish and dark intentions mixed with a little mystery were set up in contrast to our optimistic, self-sacrificing female lead. However, the second half drowned in major events happening and then being dismissed as if they never happened, multiple secret keepers refusing to tell the secret multiple times an episodes even when asked point blank when the answers could stop so many bad things from happening, and the existential dread I felt about what the big reveal was going to be only for it to completely dismissed. I knew this was a tragedy going in but still I felt angry and exhausted by the end.

Vigilante - A police university student decides to take the law into his own hands after his mother's murderer is let back on the streets to avenge her and other's like her who have been failed by the justice system. A manhunt for him ensues, bringing together an unlikely and at times unhinged group who decides to reveal the truth and bring justice. At 8 episode (six hours total), it felt like it was just starting to gel by the end. Definitely set up for more potential seasons after Nam Joo Hyuk gets out of the military.

Love Me Love Me Voice - A newer voice actor and singer is one day noticed online by her secretive voice acting idol and a whirlwind courtship begins. These are the sweetest, kindest people ever. I love how the dramatic readings and song performances are seamlessly woven into the story. Multiple romances, great friendships, mouthwatering food, and beautiful locals. This is a feel good story of first love.

#my demon #love me love my voice #memorist #marry my husband #doctor slump #high school king of savvy #vigilante #princess hours #death's game #a good day to be a dog #kdrama #kalenapost #kalena watches kdramas #tv #kalena watches tv #tv list

[kkcauseway]

Upgrade To Grandpa

Summary: Sarah survives that fateful day and so she and Joel are happy in Jackson surrounded by family. She has been feeling off for a little while and so goes to get checked, its there she finds she's pregnant. Aged 22 and having recently lost her boyfriend she needs her family around to support her and they do just that. Content and warnings: Tw-depictions of childbirth, brief mention of sickness. So much family fluff, Caring!Joel, Parent!Joel, Joel being the best dad/ grandad imaginable. Word count: 4.4K Authors note: Okay so I was so excited the entire time I was writing this! Like it honestly makes me happy writing about Grandpa Joel. I really really hope you enjoy this. 🩷

After missing her period for three months in a row, firstly expecting it’s due to stress and then grief, Sarah finds herself at Jackson’s doctor with Maria in tow for support. It’s there she finds out that she’s pregnant, she cries for a long time having just lost her boyfriend; killed in an ambush a few weeks prior. She’s definitely happy about it to an extent, but what sort of life is this child going to have, Jackson’s safe, probably the safest place on earth but anything could happen. That thought is always in the back of her mind, even though she berates herself for ever thinking it. However, having a piece of Sam with her forever in her child is somewhat a blessing. Is 22 too young to have a baby, especially alone? Her dad, did it? Her mind’s constantly jumping with questions, fears, even regrets. How is she going to cope with all this?

After having a long talk with Maria, once she’s calmed down from the initial shock of news, she decides on telling her dad that night. ‘Just bite the bullet and get it over with’ Maria encourages; she knows Sarah doesn’t need the extra stress that keeping a secret like this would entail. And it’s not like anyone was going to be mad she’s an adult, but she’s still scared of disappointing her dad.

“Daddy you’re gonna be so mad at me…” is how the conversation begins. And it ends with ‘Baby I’ll always support you; nothin’ would ever make me turn my back on you, ever, I love you forever, that will never change, I’m happy s’long as you’re happy.’ And she is happy, -well since the initial shock of the fact she’s growing another life inside of her blew over that is. He gives her a long hug at the end of their chat.

Her dad, Tommy and Maria have been there for her all the way through her pregnancy. Anyone would think they’re more excited than she is. Tommy and Joel especially dote over her and the bump, and as soon as she started showing she wasn’t ‘allowed’ to do anything. They’re always adamant on her resting, and them doing the jobs she needs to do for her. Does she listen hell no! It’s boring being sat around all day; she may not have been going out on patrols, but there’s enough to do around town to keep her occupied. It’s only when she’s near full term that she agrees to ‘light duties only’ if she refuses rest.

It’s a cool December’s afternoon, she’s at the stables with Tommy helping him to brush the horses. She’s been feeling off since the night before, so Joel demanded ‘no lifting and no excessive exercise’ if she refused to stay home, which she did. She’s feeling a little off, not incapable of any and all activity, and so brushing the horses under the supervision of her Uncle it is. She loves them, and they help her to feel at ease; nobody could be mad at her for that.

They’re down to the last four mares when Sarah feels some pressure below and something of a small gush. Did her water just break? When she feels a second small rush of liquid accompanied by a spasm in her back, she’s sure.

It’s starting.

“Erm Uncle Tommy” Sarah breaks the comfortable silence between them as she puts the brush down on the nearest surface she can find. Holding the underside of her belly with her free hand.

“What is it, Babygirl?” he looks up to her over the horse he’s brushing.

“I think… I’m pretty sure my water just broke”.

“Ha ha good one”

“No Uncle Tommy I’m serious, I definitely felt something, and I know for sure I didn’t pee myself”.

Tommy throws his brush down and races over to her. He automatically goes into panic mode on seeing the wet patch of her trousers. Sarah actually has to calm him down before they can go about doing anything about the current situation.

“Tommy it’s okay it’s just my waters, I’m okay it’s not like the baby is just going fall out we have so much time. First babies take forever we read all about this. Let’s just put these horses away and then we’ll walk back home, okay?”

“Are you sure? Cus we can just go back now. Fuck the horses.”

“Tommy I’m okay, promise”. She laughs.

Once the horses are tied back up- Sarah isn’t allowed to help, she’s told ‘to sit her ass down and look pretty’ whilst her Uncle rushes to finish the current task- they get ready for the walk home.

“Right Babygirl, let’s get you home.” He says walking back over to her. He holds his hands out to her, and she takes them gladly, pulling herself up. Tommy zips her coat all the way up before linking arms with his niece, they then begin the slow walk back to the house. Snow is falling, it’s a pretty sentimental moment.

“How you feeling Sar?” he quizzes softly.

“Uncle Tommy I’m okay”.

“Are you sure?” his words catch in his throat slightly.

“Are you just gonna keep asking me?” she asks with a soft chuckle.

“Heck yeah I am!”

“You’re funny” she pats Tommy’s arm as she laughs.

“Ah, I know” he laughs with her “So, y’think them pains and the way y’been feelin’ was to do with labour then?”

“Early labour probably, I dunno, but I’m glad I stayed active this morning, couldn’t stand the idea of being stuck in bed.”

“Bed is what y’needed girl”.

“God how did I just KNOW that’s what you were gonna say, stop sounding so much like dad you’re supposed to be the cool one”. She pulls a face at him.

“Listen I am the cool one, but you’re in labour I cannot be cool right now, it’s taking everything in me not to run around like a fuckin’ headless chicken to ask anyone and everyone I can see for help.”

“Jeez you drama queen. Never thought a baby would turn you into such a wimp”.

“I ain’t no wimp”

“Mmm you sure about that?”

“Super sure,” but he couldn’t sound less sure if he tried.

They continue on the walk, snow crunching underfoot when a wave of pain overcomes Sarah, she tries to walk through it, but Tommy can feel the tightening of her arm on his and he sees the way her expression begins to change. He makes her stop then and turns to look at her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“You’re okay darlin’ just breathe, okay?” She nods as she exhales looking him in the eye. “Good then, y’got this.”

Sarah takes deep breaths in and out. The pain not being too bad to manage yet. But she knows what’s to come and that’s what panics her. She can’t handle this. She’s not ready for this. Her breathing begins to speed up, but not because of the pain.

“Uncle Tommy I can’t do this, I’m not ready, I’m not ready to be a mom. I’m not ready yet.” She looks down in teary eyed shame to her bump as she gasps.

“Babygirl” he grabs her chin softly, raising it so she has to look him in the eye “you’re so ready, so so ready, we’ve been preparing for so long now. And you’re so excited for this so don’t go getting scared now. You’re going to meet your baby! After all of this time waitin’ an plannin’, you’re finally gonna meet them! It’s excitin’!” Thankfully, Tommy manages to bring a smile to her face, and with the pain completely gone they can continue walking.

They eventually make it to the front door; Tommy knocks rather frantically which of course is gonna scare the shit out of Joel.

“There’s no need to knock like that, he’s gonna think someone’s died.” She scoffs as they turn their heads to look at one another.

“Meh, play with his head a lil, give him some excitement.” He jests cocking his brow at her.

“Listen Dad’s gonna have more than enough excitement, anger and literally any other emotion you can think of thrown at him till this baby is born he don’t need you starting him off.”

“Sorry mommmm” he utters in exaggeration rolling his eyes.

“Shut up” she says hitting his side with a smile.

Joel doesn’t answer, but the lights on inside prove he’s home, meaning he’s probably too busy focusing on his latest woodwork project in the back and can’t hear them or he’s sat on the back porch with his guitar in hand. Something like that, curse his bad ear.

“Let’s see if we can get in round the back gate, your dad’s so deaf I swear”.

“Hey.” She hits him softly. “The man has been shot at and shot more guns than literally anyone else I know at least he has reason.”

“Nah he’s just an old fart.”

“Well, that still makes you the old farts younger brother, the younger fart”.

“Aha you’re sooo funny.” He remarks sarcastically.

“Runs in the genes so thanks I know I am.” She smiles, before shivering slightly. Tommy notices.

“Right, come on sweet girl let’s get you in the warm. S’freezing out here.” Tommy sighs.

He guides her round to the back gate of the house.

“Joel you here?” He shouts, letting go of Sarah to open the gate leading to the back of the house. Once open they make their way through. He’s not on the back porch and on trying the back door evidently because Joel’s home, it’s unlocked. Yet Joel is nowhere to be seen.

“I’m gonna get some water.” Sarah says solemnly, waddling to the sink once they’ve made their way inside.

“Sure, I’m gonna go upstairs n’find your dad, he must be there.”

“Okay. Just, don’t panic him please.” She smiles at him sadly as she makes her way over to the cupboards.

“Promise.” It’s said with sincerity.

Tommy makes his way upstairs and finds Joel exactly where he expects to, whittling away in his woodworking room. Vinyl player playing softly next to him. Completely in his element. Tommy knocks on the open door as he walks into the room.

He looks over his shoulder “Oh, hey Tommy” he begins swiveling round on his chair to face him. “You’re back early, everythin’ okay?”

“You promise me you’ll stay calm?”

His face falls instantly “Tommy what is it? Where’s Sarah, she okay?” he reaches behind him to put his latest creation down, before crossing his arms.

“You gotta promise me” he puts his hand up in front of him, and that’s when Joel realises how serious it is.

He sighs “okay fine, I promise” and with that he sits up straighter, bracing himself.

“Sarah’s water broke,” Joel’s eyes bug but he doesn’t say or do anything as Tommy continues “I think she’s real scared, she’s trying to act brave, but she’s scared”.

After a few seconds of processing the news his breathing speeds up as he brushes a palm over his face. “Shit Tommy her water, you’re sure?”

“She seems pretty certain. It’s time.”

“Shit.” It’s a whisper as he rakes his hands through his hair.

“We’ve gotta stay calm, I can tell how scared she is”.

“You’re askin an awful lot of me there Tommy, she’s my little girl.” He laughs nervously as he stands from his chair, pacing.

“I know, but that’s also gonna go in your favour, you always know how to calm her down, so just be yourself, you can let the panic out when it’s all over.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He looks behind Tommy to the landing then, knowing his daughter is in labour down those stairs. Panic evident on his face.

“Joel she’s gonna be great. She’s got”- he’s interrupted by a glass breaking.

Instantly reacting they’re both quick to run down the stairs.

“Sarah! You okay?!” Joel shouts as he scrambles his way into the kitchen. Almost tripping over where Sarah has left her shoes, right in the damn middle of the floor like usual, he takes a mental note to tell her off about that later.

They find her gripping onto the worktop hard; Joel runs straight to her rubbing her back. “You’re okay Babygirl just breathe; you’re doin’ so good”.

“It hurts Daddy” she cries.

“I know Baby but you’re doing so good. You just remember to breathe through it like we read about, in an out, good, in for four, hold, out for six. Calm it right down that’s it.”

Sarah lets out a shuddering breath as the pain begins to deplete. “I am not looking forward to how this is gonna carry on” she says as she stands up straighter.

“Don’t move Baby” Tommy says softly, “you’ll cut yourself on the glass, just stay still and let me clean this up.”

“I’m sorry I broke it.”

“Joel, sort your daughter out, fuckin’ apologisin’ when she’s got nothin’ to apologise for.” He shakes his head scoffing as he bends down dustpan and brush in hand to clean up the glass.

🌷🌷🌷🌷

After about an hour Jacksons midwife Alison makes her way over to their house to check in, it seems the beginnings of labour are really taking their time. It’s like they always say first babies take their sweet time. Sarah’s warned that it’s ‘gonna be a long one’.

The next few hours are spent with them finding any way they can to entertain Sarah. Games of cards, they manage to get an old DVD player working and watch a classic, heck her and Maria even bake some cookies. Well, more they TRY to bake cookies, its Mainly Maria with the slightest input from Sarah when she’s not in agony. Anything to distract her from what’s to come.

The fresh batch of cookies make everyone’s mouths water. And Sarah eats four before any of the rest of them have finished one. Usually they’d tell her it’s too much too fast, that she’ll make herself sick, but anything to keep her strength up. She needs all the energy she can get even if that is helped by a sugar rush induced by freshly baked cookies.

When the pains begin to get worse, but it’s obvious it’s still going to be a long time until baby comes, they use exercise to try to move it along.

Tommy and Maria stay behind to help set the room up ready for when Sarah is ready to give birth, and Joel and Sarah decide on a walk. Joel helps to wrap her up warm, layers and layers so she will be comfortable. They take it slow walking the dark snowy streets of Jackson, lit up by strings of lights, stopping with each pain that hits.

“Oh Babygirl, what are we gonna do with you. Forever scarin’ the shit outa me.” He laughs shaking his head.

“Oh, I apologise that the birth of your grandchild is such an inconvenience.” She laughs back.

“Hey, no you take that back, I’m only jokin’.” He’s serious.

“Jeez dad so am I, God you really are on edge.”

“You bet your fucking ass I am. Takes me right back to the day you were born.”

She sighs solemnly “Was it awful?”

“Mmm, well it was awful watchin’ your mom in pain especially when there weren’t much that I could do t’help. I felt more like a nuisance than anythin’, but when it was all over, I’d never been so happy.”

“You and me against the world huh Daddy?”

“Babygirl, when I first held you in my arms I couldn’t stop crying, shit I was just a kid myself, I didn’t know what I was doin’, but from that day onwards I vowed to always be the best version of myself f’you.”

“You’ve always been so amazing.” She smiles at him cuddling into his side much harder as his arm tightens round her even more.

“You had so much hair, God I’ll never forget thinkin’ I’ve never seen a baby with so much hair, and your tiny little hands and feet, you just really were perfection. The definition of perfection was born that day. My beautiful Babygirl. I knew from that day on that everythin’ was gonna be okay, I vowed t’work so hard to give you the best life I could, and I know we weren’t rich, and obviously your momma decided she couldn’t cope, but I always tried to keep you happy, this end of the world bullshit makes me feel like I failed but-”

“No stop- I was always the happiest child; you don’t have to worry about failin’ me. I’ve always been so happy because of you. Even with the end of the world and everythin’ else we stayed together; we grew together. Honestly dad if I’m half the parent to this one than you’ve been for me, they’ll never want for anything!” she rubs her stomach as she briefly looks down to her bump.

“Oh, Baby you have no idea how happy it makes me feel hearin’ that.” He says his voice breaking as he evidently tries to hold back tears.

“Dad don’t cry cus you’ll make me cry.” They look to each other briefly and Sarah being so up and down hormonally, breaks at the sight of her teary-eyed father, which then sets him off too. They stop in the middle of the street to embrace. Before they both burst out laughing tears still streaming.

“Whew, emotions really are high tonight.” Joel laughs.

Sarah goes to reply but is sidetracked by a really bad pain. Instead, she leans into her dads shoulder as she groans through it. She’s grown to be very vocal as times dragged on, which Joel knows means she’s progressing as she should, but he hates everything about having to watch her go through it. He reaches to try to push on the bottom of her back, whispering to her to keep breathing and reminding her of how good she’s doing.

She eventually lets out a long breath standing straight. “I just want them to come out now. I can’t take much more of this” She groans sadly.

“I know Babygirl I know; they’re comin’ I promise. First babies always take their time, but it’s almost over. N’hey listen Sam would be so proud of you, you know that? He was a good kid. Y’know I never liked him at first, but he really grew on me, he was a good man to you, and I respect him so much for that. He’s gonna be lookin’ down on you so so proud” he whispers.

“I miss him, I wish he was here to help me” she begins softly crying again as the words leave her.

“Shhh, I know you’re scared; I know you feel unprepared trust me I felt the same, and in a way you’re never really ready, you just learn as you do. You’ll be an expert in no time Babygirl. You’re a natural anyways, always have been with your dolls when you were younger, n’you’re amazing when you help out in the nursery. Everyone says so. So, there’s none of this ‘I can’t do this’ ‘m’not ready’ because you’re so ready. Plus, this walkin’ will really help trust me and when we get back Alison already said she’ll check you to see how far along you are, as it’s been a while, I’m sure it won’t be too much longer now.”

“I really hope so, I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“You got this Baby.” He kisses the top of her head before they link arms again and carry on walking back to the house.

🌷🌷🌷🌷

It’s another two hours till she gets to the point where she can push. They set the living room up for her ready, and she opts on squatting before the sofa as she finds that is the most comfortable position. Alison is on the floor watching between her legs waiting for the signs she can begin to push; ready to catch. Maria next to her on the floor in awe rubbing at Sarah’s lower back so that Tommy and Joel can sit on the sofa either side of her, both holding one of her hands. Unable to see anything more than her face which is just as she wants it to be.

“I feel sick.” She whimpers when in position just having got through another contraction, her breathing erratic. It’s clear she’s panicking about it.

“There’s a bin here ready just in case.” Maria reassures.

“A lot of ladies feel sick or even throw up when they’re in labour, it’s okay don’t be worried; all perfectly normal.” Alison states rubbing a hand up one of her legs. She seems to relax at those words.

“Okay. Can I have some more water please?” she asks to no one in particular.

“Here Baby.” Joel is quick to grab a glass of water from the side. She sits back on her heels releasing both hands she’s holding to take a large swig from the glass.

“Ugh.” She grimaces as she swallows, handing the glass back to her dad. “That’s made me feel worse, I thought it might help.” She moans rubbing a hand against her bump the baby obviously kicking her.

“I’m sure it has helped baby y’bodys just goin’ through so much right now s’finding it hard, you’re fine Baby trust me.” He smiles at her whilst stroking her cheek.

She nods then briefly smiling at her dad before moaning as another pain begins. She quickly grabs both hands back and sways in her squatting position.

-

When she gets the all clear to push, she gives it absolutely everything she’s got, desperate for it all to be over now so she can finally meet her baby.

“Come on Babygirl!” Joel shouts as Tommy and Maria simultaneously shout “You got this!” “Go girl!”

Alison counts to ten and at ten Sarah lets out a large gasp.

When She’s able to get her breath back enough to speak before the next contraction she adds “No one tell me what it is, okay? I wana see for myself when they’re in my arms.”

“That’s fine sweetie we can do that no problem, you can be the one to announce it okay?” Alison utters.

She begins nodding, but the next pain takes over and Sarah switches right back into the pushing mindset, going completely silent as she pushes and pushes. Finally releasing her breath with a gasp.

“One more and the head will be out Sarah come on, baby is nearly here!” Alison cheers from below her.

“Come on one more Baby and the worst is over.” Joel reassures.

Eyes moving upwards “promise?” she looks pleadingly to her dad.

“Yeah Baby, heads the worst part, the baby will be out before you know it after that.”

“Oh thank God.”

“Push with all you’ve got on this next pain! They’re almost here!” Alison enthuses.

When the next contraction begins Sarah screams the house down as she pushes, squeezing her dad and uncle’s hands to death. She feels the head pop out and Alison requests that she pants.

“Can I feel?” Sarah requests frantically between pants.

“Sure!” Alison enthuses.

She releases her dad’s hand to feel her baby’s head. Gasping at first touch “is- is that hair?” she questions.

“Yup, and they’ve got a hell of a lot of it!” Alison exclaims.

“That’s just like you Baby.” Joel utters causing Sarah to look into his eyes. She smiles at him, and he smiles back. “Now gimme your hand back so you’re ready to push again.”

“No Daddy, my hands gross now.”

“I don’t care come on I’m supposed to be supportin’ you.”

She seems hesitant but when the next contraction gets into full swing, she throws her hand back at her dad and pushes. She takes a quick breath in and is advised to push again. With that final push the baby leaves her body, and she relaxes instantly.

“Good well-done Sarah! They’re gorgeous!” she exclaims as she begins wiping the screaming babies face with a clean towel.  “Let’s get this cord cut so you can sit back nice and covered up whilst we wait for the afterbirth, okay? Then everyone can meet this beautiful baby.”

With the cord having turned white she cuts it, and Sarah carefully moves so her back is against the sofa and Maria carefully picks up the swaddled baby and places them in her arms. Alison places a sheet over her knees so she can focus on getting the afterbirth out without anyone having to see.

“Well, what have we got?” Joel whispers leaning over his daughters shoulder to coo at his beautiful grandchild screaming softly swaddled in the towel.

Sarah opens up the towel to investigate letting out a wet chuckle at her findings. “It’s a girl!” she announces excitedly.

“A girl!” Joel replies wetly, unable to stop the tears that begin to flow.

Joel is absolutely besotted. Unable to tare his eyes away from the content little bundle in his daughter’s arms. She’s a mom now, his baby is a mom, his baby has a baby.

“God she’s just so beautiful Baby. Looks so much like you did too. You’ve made me so proud” he praises softly.

“I can’t believe I did it.” She murmurs softly not taking her eyes off her daughter as she strokes a finger over the fist of her daughter.

“You did amazin’.” Tommy praises. “S’like a trip down memory lane aint it, God she could be your twin Sarah aint that right big brother?”

“Absolutely.” Joel agrees.

She turns her gaze to her uncle. Then she looks to her dad. “I’m sorry if I killed your hands.”

“Nah none of that.” Tommy quicky shuts her down.

“She’s so beautiful.” Joel coos bringing a finger to stroke over his now silent and content granddaughters tiny foot.

“You wana hold her?” Sarah whispers questioning her dad as she watches the way he loves her already from his delicate touch.

“Please.”

“Maria can you-?” she begins but Maria is already moving “I’m one step ahead of you” she laughs. Helping to remove the baby from Sarah’s arms to give over to Joel.

“God she’s so gorgeous” Maria coos before handing her over to Joel.

He sits back with his granddaughter cradled into his large arms.

“Oh.” He whispers quietly when her big brown eyes open to study him. “Hello beautiful girl, god just look at you. Aren’t you just the most beautiful little thing. And little do you know just how lucky you are having Sarah as your momma? You’re so lucky babygirl, just like we are all lucky to have been blessed w’you.” He shushes her when she makes a little grunt noise, but she settles quickly. “Sarah m’so proud of you she is the most beautiful little thing.” He looks to his daughter who looks back at him exhausted, but she’s beaming with pride.

“She’s got a name y’know dad” she jests.

“She does, well what’s that then babygirl, can’t keep calling her ‘she’ now, can we?”

“Bea. It means ‘she who brings happiness’, I read it in a book and knew instantly that that was gonna be her name if she was a girl.” Sarah utters, with a big smile plastered on her face as she admires her dad cradling her tiny daughter; his granddaughter.

“Bea huh?” he chuckles wetly. “Well aint that just the most beautiful name, for the most beautiful girl.” She coos in response making everybody laugh. He adds “Yeah y’know it don’t you Bea Miller, you’re gorgeous just like your mama.”

“This is the best day of my life.” He adds a short while later, “’part from the day you were born of course babygirl.” He strokes Sarah’s head, and she laughs lightly before he looks at his granddaughter again.

He’s besotted, so full of love he could burst.

#joel miller #the last of us #tommy miller #pregnancy #maria the last of us #fluff #childbirth #sarah miller #family fluff #caring joel miller #upgrade to grandpa #pedro pascal character fanfic

[99liv3s]

Like Mommy Does

(I am still working on clinic stories whenever I get the chance, but this story idea got stuck in my mind and I just had to write it. Also, this is the first 1st-person story I have wrote to my knowledge, but I think it works best that way)

My name is Heather, and I am here to tell a cute, funny story about my daughter.

I had and have always encouraged my now 10 year old daughter, Lucy, to utilize her vast imagination. Lucy is a smart, imaginative, outgoing little girl who makes friends quite easily, and is always finding new creative ways to play with her friends, especially Peter, her best friend, who is a year younger than she.

So, I guess I should not have been surprised, though I was, when this had happened. One day, after spending a few hours at the playground, I took Lucy and Peter, who joined us because both his parents were at a business meeting, to the local gas station for some ice cream, and to fill up our van. The kids sat in the car while I picked up the ice creams right quick, and when I returned, I saw that Lucy had stuck her small soccer ball down her baggy pants and was rubbing the bump, saying to Peter, in a mock serious tone: "I'm pregnant! I should be due when we get back to the playground!" As the two kids giggled, clearly not concerned if I had heard them or not, for that was how my daughter was, I had to stifle a laugh as I handed over the ice cream. I had initially wondered where my daughter had learned words like "pregnant" and "due", but of course, she obviously learned all of this from me, when I was pregnant with her little brother, Jack, who was born a few months ago. She had picked up on my conversations with my husband throughout the pregnancy.

Of course, my daughter rode the entire way back to the playground with the "baby" in her, eating her ice cream. She and Peter were having fun talking about the fake kid they were about to have together, and while listening, I let out a sigh and a smile, taking comfort in the fact that they were kids and had no idea how the process of making a baby actually went. Though, it was obvious in their little fantasy that Peter was the "father" of the "baby"!

I normally don't spy on my daughter while she is playing, I only keep a close eye on her safety. However, I was curious as we got back to the playground and Peter and Lucy ran out to play again, Lucy still "pregnant". They both reached the big tree house and climbed up into it. I bottle-fed Jack, and then, noticing that neither of them had come out of the tree house for a while, I decided to take a closer look at what was going on. The tree house was not very high off the ground, especially for an adult, and it had these little plastic windows, so I tip-toed over to it and peered in, careful to stay hidden as much as I could. However, it was hard to not let out both a gasp and a laugh at what I saw. Lucy was lying on the floor of the treehouse with her legs spread open, thankfully she had kept her pants on, with Peter hovering over her as if he was perhaps a doctor or a loving husband in this fantasy of theirs. Lucy still had that ball in her pants, and watching her position as well as her actions, it was clear that she was pretending to give birth. As I watched, I could hear their slightly muffled voices from inside the tree house. Lucy was fake panting and moaning, and Peter was saying things like "It's ok" and "You're doing great" to her. I was impressed at these little actors, but the pretending didn't stop there. Lucy started fake screaming... you know, not actually a scream, and not loud enough to be heard very far. It also didn't help that the two kids fell into fits of giggles during this part. Then, Lucy started saying "Oh it hurts," and "Get this baby out of me" and I immediately realized that she was mimicking me. Lucy had been present for a large portion of her brother's birth. Obviously, she did not see me push him out of my vagina, for her grandparents had taken her out to play when I was fully dilated, but during the transition phase, I had let out a lot of screaming, moaning, panting, and a lot of "It hurts, get the baby out"s, and Lucy had seen and heard all of it.

I heard Peter start saying, "Push! Push!" Clearly, he knew some things about how this worked too. My daughter fake screamed and grunted, and shifted around, and then I saw that Lucy was sitting on one of her baby dolls, making it look like the head was coming out, though of course the immersion was ruined by the fact Lucy still had her pants on. Still trying not to give myself away by laughing, I watched as my daughter "gave birth" to a baby doll, after a few more fake screams and more "Owww it hurts"! I watched as she cradled the doll in her arms and the two kids giggled again.

I returned to the nearby bench, next to which I had left Jack sleeping in his stroller. A few minutes later, Peter and Lucy climbed out of the tree house, Lucy no longer "pregnant" with her soccer ball and holding the baby doll as if it were actually a baby. "We had a baby, mommy," she said to me, and the two kids giggled. "You did?" I replied in fake amazement, smiling. "Yes, just like you did, mommy!" "Just like how you had Jake!" She presented the doll up to me and I held it like a proud grandmother would have, if all of this had been real. "He's beautiful," I said, the doll being a boy. "What are you naming your baby?" Lucy shrugged, then turned to Peter and said, "Let's go play on the swings!" And with that, the two of them ran off, leaving me holding Lucy's "baby". It was at this point I started laughing, not being able to help myself any longer.

I curse myself to this very day for not grabbing my phone and recording Lucy's "labor", but my husband got a great laugh after I explained it to him that night. To this day, Lucy has never spoken again about her "pregnancy", and I fear it is one of those pretend moments that got lost in the million miles an hour mind of kids, but it's a moment I'll never forget, a cute fake birth "just like mommy's"!

#fake birth #fake pregnancy #pretend pregnant

[65oh7]

My invisible disability...

Maybe it's something worth talking about? I've had a non-visible disability since I was young. I have perforations on my eardrums due to the holes not closing when I had the tubes removed when I was thirteen. It turns out if your eustachion tubes aren't open, your eardrums won't heal. Should I be angry at/sue that doctor? I dunno, I haven't had a real ear infection since- But, I have issues with loud noises, noises of a certain wavelength, because they create harmonics in my ear much like if you've ever heard a snare drum in the back of a band room pick up harmonics and resonate when you've been playing in the front. It's just hard to honestly talk about because I get all of these "why don't you fix it" as if the fix isn't just cutting a bigger hole in my eardrum and praying it just heals. I've had three ear doctors consider me stable and just insist I exist on ear plugs for any "wet" (ex. swimming, showering) activity for the rest of my life because opening my eustachian tubes isn't worth it compared to the concern of ear infections should they close the ear drum. The procedure to fix my ears involves cutting the hole bigger and then praying it reseals shut. If there's no air flow through the eustachian tube that connects your ear to your throat, there's likely no growth and the fix makes your hearing worse. Even better, they fill your ear with a salve that slowly turns from foam to liquid and you have no hearing from that side until it drains. I guess god help you if it doesn't? (let's not talk about having parents that can afford the surgery during the 2008 recession) So... yeah I have tinnitus and actual physical auditory processing issues when it comes to specific tones and loud noises. I have an entire section of the audio spectrum missing when I take hearing tests. I have to wear ear plugs when I take showers or swim (barely, due to fear of getting my ears wet). When my ears get plugged with wax, I can't use liquid to empty them, and it's a visit to the ear doc. And yet... I don't look unique - I don't wear a hearing aids (yet) - and I can match pitch pretty well. But - loud concerts and noises are a no-go for me without earplugs, and if I turn my head while listening with one ear, noises change pitch. I have to wear hats on cold days because I breathe through my ears. Just maybe shedding some light on something people don't talk about it, because I've never met anyone who has also had this, even though it seems pretty common. Also, no, haven't heard mosquito tones since I was like... 15.

#invisible disability #perspective #rant #perforated eardrums #hearing loss #tinnitus

[calculatedliterature]

Sydney Carton and Charles Darnay are not rivals

After finishing A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, I have a lot of thoughts on Sydney Carton's redemption arc, his love for Lucie Manette, and the way he is established as a rival for Charles Darnay due to their physical resemblances. Charles and Sydney are doppelgängers and love the same woman, so there is inherently tension because only one man can ultimately "win" Lucie's love. My argument is that even though the novel regards the two as rivals, neither Darnay nor Carton ultimately regards the other as a rival.

Carton and Darnay's declarations of love for Lucie occur side-by-side and we are expected to analyze which man is more deserving, more in love. A lot of analyses focus on how Sydney Carton's speech is more poetic and indicative of his true love for Lucie.

"I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul."

This is probably one of the more powerful lines of the novel. Compared to Darnay's simple " I love your daughter fondly, dearly, disinterestedly, devotedly. If ever there were love in the world, I love her", we are supposed to connect more to Sydney Carton. Charles Darnay is a straightforward, good man, but Carton is a powerful, relatable antihero. He can put into words what Darnay can't. Darnay says he loves Lucie, but Carton shows it.

My issue with this interpretation is that it dismisses how much Carton genuinely needs his redemption arc. He doesn't start as a good character; his relatability is in how he overcomes his flaws. Yes, he loves Lucie, but he doesn't initially deserve her. His speech is evidence of this.

Mr. Carton insists on being heard by Lucie because he wants her to know how he feels about her, whereas Darnay first tells Lucie's father. While obviously asking Doctor Manette is somewhat patriarchal, I think it indicates a respect for Lucie. He doesn't wish to burden her with a rejection and wants to know if his advances are unwanted before seeking her hand in marriage. It also shows a deep understanding of Lucie's unique relationship with her father; he is more important to her than anything else, and Darnay understands that he as a husband shouldn't come before her father, even though a husband normally usurps the parents.

Carton, by contrast, knows Lucie doesn't love him, but forces her to listen anyway, and his speech is marred by his self deprecation.

"If it had been possible, Miss Manette, that you could have returned the love of the man you see before you -- self-flung away, wasted, drunken, mpoor creature of misuse as you know him to be n-- he would have been conscious to this day and hour, in spite of his happiness, that he would bring you to misery, bring you to sorrow and repentance, blight you, disgrace you, pull you down with him. I know very well that you can have no tenderness for me; I ask for none; I am even thankful that it cannot be."

Even though he's confessing his love, in truth, Carton's speech is more a declaration of self-hatred than anything else. His most visible trait to the reader is his lack of self-respect and his conviction that he is an irredeemable person. The entire scene is self-centered; it's not about Lucie at all, but Carton. He places a heavy burden on Lucie, because she is forced to understand that his redemption rests on her. He is only able to grow because of her. She even asks, "Can I not save you, Mr. Carton? Can I not recal you to a better course?" It's not Lucie's job to save Sydney, but in the conversation between the two, he places a heavy responsibility on her: "Let me carry through the rest of my misdirected life, the remembrance that I opened my heart to you, last of all the world; and that there was something left in me at this time which you could deplore and pity." At the end of the day, this is what Carton seeks from the interaction: Lucie's pity.

Cue: Carton's redemption arc

When Carton swoops in to save the day at the end of the novel, he finally demonstrates the extent to which he has changed. The most telling thing is not that he is willing to sacrifice himself for Lucie (which is, of course, indicative of selflessness) but that he has ceased to obsess over his value as a person. Throughout the end of the novel, he no longer makes self-deprecating comments about himself, doesn't view himself as irredeemable.

Carton makes one slip in conversation with Mr. Lorry, when he says that he loves him like a father. "You are free from that misfortune, however," he says, but Dickens quickly follows it with his own commentary:

"Though he said the last words, with a slip into his usual manner, there was a true feeling and respect both in his tone and in his touch"

Carton's big character arc is literally dying unto oneself. He's described in Christ-like imagery so it's only natural that his redemption is biblical as well. He doesn't learn to love himself through arrogance: the counter to his self-hatred isn't self-confidence, but humility. He stops looking at himself as good or bad and simply seeks out how he can be used to do good things. His self-sacrifice is the ultimate realization of this. His life isn't something to throw away but to sacrifice. In doing so, yes, he loses his life, but the implication is that, like Christ, he is resurrected through his sacrifice.

Despite all of this, it never actually comes down to "who gets the girl". Carton's sacrifice for Darnay isn't a tragedy because "the wrong man lives" or any of that nonsense. Darnay isn't a bad man. And Sydney's redemption arc was never about being worthy enough for Lucie. It was always about learning that his life has value and that he can live for something instead of nothing. Lucie was a means to an end in Carton's story. He isn't Darnay's rival: Lucie loves Charles Darnay and he loves her, and there isn't ever a moment where Sydney Carton becomes 'the better man' or Darnay ceases to be good. Lucie doesn't marry Carton, and I think that was the right choice. She chose the man who loved her and himself. Sydney doesn't need to earn Lucie's love; he needs to earn his own.

#charles dickens #classic literature #classics #a tale of two cities #dark academia #study aesthetic #studyspo #study blog #studyblr #literary analysis #annotating books

[sanguinechaos]

cant believe i was so fucking delusional about Flamebringer and Enforcer interacting in some way that it came into existence

actually can we talk about that

listen i already Hortus de Escapismo would be a treat because its a Laterano related event and it involves my wife. actually he got an alter even i knew it i KNEW IT I WAS AN EXALTER TRUTHER AS SOON AS I SAW THAT BOUJEE WINCHESTER 1887 MY FUCKING WIFE IS HOME MY WIFE

and then they dropped the operator records for the Notarial Hall trio and for anyone who has not read those yet tl;dr from somewhat dubiously google translated chinese text:

in Insiders oprecs theres almost an all out brawl over a family heirloom donut recipe. its so funny to me that we all made fun of him cause his halo looked like a donut and he really is Donut Man™

actually his personal donut recipe is so sweet and greasy that the doctor nearly chokes to death on it. im pretty sure if you eat it you can physically feel your arteries popping shut

apparently he likes sweets so much because when they picked him off the streets in some small town bordering siracusa and brought him to laterano they gave him some candy and it just left such an impact on him

do all of you have dead parents is that like a requirement

he has donut pajamas

Executor oprec is kinda cute honestly. this guy is autistic. he has joined the war on autism on the side of the autism. anyway what we learned is that apparently his lack of empathy (as in the sanktas 6th sense) is something hes had from birth and not in fact due to his job as an executor

and also he has always had a black halo and wings. according to the manhua they also dropped his entire extended family has black halo/wings it has absolutely fuck all to do with him being willing to kill sankta if his job necessitates it its just genetic

he doesnt actually have that much of a problem recognizing what people are feeling, its more that he has trouble piecing together cause and effect or what those emotions mean to people. and his parents (before their tragic demise) taught him to like draw shapes on paper matching different emotions to parse it? cute

anyway the other executor that was on a mission with him when he was still a rookie bites the dust and Executor takes it so so so seriously and fucking tries to eat 100 scoops of ice cream because his senpai made a joke and he was just like "okay so that can count as a last will and testament i guess" like babe. babe. he applied for executive gelato funding

and they leave us hanging but i genuinely wonder how many he managed to eat before he probably vomited and couldnt see gelato for the next 3 months

Federico Giallo? no. Federico Gelato

also hes only around ~25 as of Exalter

Enforcer goes around asking various sarkaz about Kazdel cause obviously hes intending to go look for Cecelias dad with her

actual live reaction as soon as i saw 炎客 BEYONCE?! FLAMEBRINGER?!

Flamebringer is a wanted criminal the Notarial Hall has his mugshot on the office notice board (which tells me that there is NO WAY that Executor doesnt KNOW him or about him please i am so delulu rn Lowlight i fucking beg you let them interact kiss. violently suck face, even. "Dino wasnt this a 炎见 post?" if you were paying attention to my Twitter youd know i really like 葬炎见 in that exact order but ill take any combination of just two of them) and also he absolutely does not give a shit he just keeps watering the plants while Enfocer talks at him

Enforcer gets slammed against a wall and maybe choked a little unbelievable and Flamebringer is like "go bug someone else, blood is not for watering flowers" like oof ouch the edge on this guy

Mudmud helps Enfocer in the end tho :)

also he might be like 19 while my conservative estimate was at least 25 i THOUGHT the Notarial staff had law degrees now i get why everyone in Guide Ahead was like "waow, so young :o and already an executor!"

#arknights #flamebringer #enforcer #flameforcer #being held at knifepoint can be something so homoerotic #blood #going apeshit under the readmore #炎见

[angst-king]

Right or Wrong

((this story is an Au where Denki is a commission kid like Hawks)) (CW this story contains mention of drinking, and neglect.)

“Denki do you mind staying after class, a few of us need to have a word with you.” Denki’s anxiety spiked visibly and Aizwa had to reassure him that he wasn’t in trouble though it wasn’t very helpful. All throughout the day he had been wondering what he could have done to need to stay after class and talk to more than 1 teacher! When the end of school bell rang he anxiously packed his bag and approached Aizawa’s desk.

“You wanted me to stay after class, s-sir?” Denki stood a foot away from the desk as he looked up at the pro hero. Hands down by his side shoulders back almost military-like in his stance. Shota nodded and walked out from his desk telling him to follow. Denki wordlessly obeyed fearing the consequences of asking what this meeting was for. Shota led him to a conference room where Principal Nezu, Recovery Girl, Midnight, Present Mic, and Hawks all sat.

“Oh Ersaser you sure brought him here fast, I’m surprised he didn’t run!” Nezu commented as he sipped his tea, Denki sure was fighting the urge to run away. Though he knew that he couldn’t do that he was too frozen to move without orders besides, they knew he had a track record for running away. He did it on the first few days of school, he hid from them as if he was trying to escape! Shota offered Denki a seat at the table which he took and nervously played with the bottom of his shirt.

“I’m sorry to make you so nervous with having this meeting Denki, but we’ve done some examining and reflecting and there are some things we need to bring up. I promise you are not in trouble.” Denki nods and tries to swallow the lump in his throat that threatened to choke him as he listens.

“You are a commission kid, it was very obvious when we received your files. Do you remember when the class had to take a test regarding your home life?” “y-yes sir” “well we got concerned when looking over your results. You say that your parents are hardly home, i understand that they are pro heroes. So let me ask this how many days a month are they home for more than 3 hours of the day?” Denki had to think about that and shrugged, he was usually cleaning the house or doing class work so he didn’t notice too much.

“I don’t know, I’m usually busy I guess.” “That’s quite alright Denki, you say you buy your own food correct? Is it food for the entire house or is it just snacks that you buy for yourself while your parents buy the majority of what you eat?” Denki shook his head

“I buy food for the entire house though they tend to eat out most times and if I do bring my own food I keep it in my room so they don’t eat it before I can.” “Where do you get the money from?” “they put money into an account for me and I just use the debit card they gave me.” “Do your parents ever ask you about school, or do they know about your time at the commission?” Denki shook his head again and folded his hands in his lap. He was confused as to why they were questioning him about his home life. His parents were pro heroes so they’d be busy right? Plus he was 16 so he was old enough to be alone for long periods. There were a few more questions that Denki had to answer such as whether had he ever been to a doctor besides Recovery Girl, and does he had an emergency contact in case anything were to go wrong. When he answered ‘no’ to both of those questions he could feel the pity in the room weighing heavily on him then Nezu gestured to Hawks.

“Denki I’m sure you recognize Hawks right? Well due to both of you having a similar background with the commission we asked if Hawks would mind stepping in as your life mentor or parental figure since you don’t have one.” That's when Denki’s eyes went wide. Why were they doing this? He had parents, they were just busy! He was doing pretty well on his own, he was keeping up with his homework even if it took him all day and night to complete it! He kept the house clean, he could cook for himself too! What more could he need?

“Look I know this is probably a lot to take in and we’re not having Hawks replace your parents. He is simply filling in a role that they aren’t putting the effort to even create. As of today, Hawks is your guardian.” “M-my guardian?” “Mhm, think of it like him being a parent that you don’t have to call ‘dad’ but he does all the things parents are supposed to do” Then Denki’s face went blank, weren’t his parents already doing what they were supposed to do?

“Wait wait. I don’t mean to speak out of turn sir but….aren’t my parents already doing that? They’ve given me a place to stay, no one hurts me, they work a solid job and all I have to do is go to school, train, keep up with the cleaning, buy food and clothes, and occasionally do some maintenance work on the house.” Hawks then spoke up in his leaned-back position in the chair he sat in.

“Hey kid, we’re gonna take things slow and figure out where I need to do my whole guardianship duties besides filling out permission forms.” “….wait…. a parent is supposed to sign those?” “yes…” “oh….” Damn, Denki had just been signing his parent’s names on them since they just told him to do that when they were busy. Maybe there were some things he didn’t know he needed. When the meeting was over, Denki headed out the doors of the school with Hawks in tow.

“Ey kid, you got anywhere you need to be?” “Hm? Just the store to pick up things for dinner tonight, why?” “I’ll come with you and I’ll pay,” Hawks says as he catches up to the younger blond, Denki furrowed his brows at this.

“Why, I’ve got my own money?” “I know but I wanna help ya cut down just a bit. I know you’re most likely not spending your money like crazy but, it shouldn’t be completely on you to get food. Besides, I wanna know what you plan on making” Denki shrugged and let the pro hero walk with him down the street and into the city.

“I’m just making chicken and shrimp fried rice, I’ve got the rice already at home. Made sure to buy that yesterday, I just need to buy some chicken and shrimp, plus some seasonings” “oh cool! Sounds delicious” “did you wanna stay for dinner, I don’t mind.” “hmm we’ll see, kid” Even though the walk to the store wasn’t very far Denki tended to get nervous in crowded streets and seemed to stay closer to Keigo. Keigo didn’t comment on this and just kept this observation to himself.

Inside the store, Denki kept getting separated from Keigo by fan girls vying for the pro hero’s attention. Denki didn’t seem to mind or care, he just went around like the pro hero wasn’t there. Keigo would apologize for the interruptions but Denki would shrug it off saying

“You’re a pro hero, it's part of the job. I’m perfectly fine on my own.” Denki wasn’t wrong he was very independent, Keigo could see that. He could also see that his confidence was fake and that he was unsure of how to act around people still, his social skills he been stunted badly due to the isolation the commission caused. He took this opportunity to observe Denki’s mannerisms, behaviors, and how he would react to things. When the shopping was finished and they had to go back out into the city he let the boy stay close to him as they walked. He used to be extremely nervous in crowded spaces so he understood the fear.

When they got to Denki’s place, Denki welcomed the pro hero inside.

“Welcome to my house, I don’t know if Mom and Dad are coming home tonight since its Thursday and usually they don’t come home till Monday maybe Tuesday” What in the hell were they doing for them to be gone like that?! Keigo knew good any well that was not their pro hero schedule and if so it wouldn’t be that long! Keigo bit his tongue and placed his shoes on the mat beside the door as he stepped into the home. He was surprised to see how clean it was, there were a few alcoholic drinks on the coffee table of the living room which Denki apologized for but besides that, it was pretty well kept.

“No need to apologize, kid just a couple of b-” Keigo paused in his tracks when he saw Denki gulp what was in them. He swallowed it down like it was nothing! Denki noticed his staring and replied

“ I don’t want it leaking in the trash bags, so I just drink what’s left.” “You could just pour it down the drain, Denki, you shouldn’t drink!” He wasn’t mad but he was very concerned by his casualness. Denki shrugged only giving back a “waste not want not” before heading into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Keigo as still flabbergasted about it. He looked through that house it didn’t feel lived in, it had nice furniture but it felt more like a show house. There weren’t many pictures or pieces of art, the furniture was beige and the environment felt cold!

As he looked around he heard music start playing, pop music playing from the kitchen. He peaked inside to see Denki dancing while chopping up green onions at the kitchen counter. He was smiling and singing along to the music playing through his phone as he cooked. Keigo didn’t want to interrupt and just leaned against the threshold and watched the teen have a good time. It was sweet to see him enjoying himself in his own house, to see him relax and not be so rigid or scared.

“You need any help in there, kid?” Denki almost jumped out of his skin when he heard Keigo speak as if he forgot the other was there! Keigo chuckled and apologized for startling him. Denki sighed and just waved him off.

“Nah I got it, I already got the rice and meat cooking, shouldn’t be long.” He answered nonchalantly, his eyes focused on the task in front of him as he went back to humming along to the music. The electricity user seemed so at ease and calm! To think he had only been released from the commission a few months ago. Keigo wondered what traumas lay beneath his relaxed facade.

Once dinner was done, Denki gave Keigo a bowl to serve himself and they sat at the table. He took note of how fast Denki ate and he knew it wasn’t just because he was hungry. Denki was shoveling spoonfuls of rice into his mouth while his other hand held the bowl close to his body in an almost guarded way.

“Hey slow down buddy, no one’s gonna take it from ya. I don’t want you to choke, okay.” Denki nods and swallows what's in his mouth and takes in smaller amounts of food. Hawks figured he could ask him some questions so he could gauge how his interactions needed to go.

“So kid, you have any hobbies?” “mhm, tattoo designing” That surprised Hawks, he asked Denki to elaborate on this.

“Well I just like to draw on people, though i mainly do it to myself in places people won't look as often.“ Denki turned over his hand to show a small ghost drawing on the bottom of his wrist. It was done in pen and looked cool even if it was small.

“Wow that’s so cute” “Thanks I have a few others in different places, but I also just like to draw them in my notebook when I can’t focus.” “that’s awesome you’ll have to show me sometime!” Denki grinned proudly at the pro hero’s interest in his hobby.

“I also like to do body modding like piercings” “Piercings?’ “Mhm, i have a few” That made Hawks look up at him fast, he had to get a good look at Kaminari wondering where those piercings had to be for him to have them! Denki then rubbed at his nose revealing a septum a small silver piercing, he moved his hair back showing two lobe piercings.

“I also have a belly button piercing, and I’m thinking about doing a tongue piercing soon” “When and where did you get all of that done?!” “Oh, I did them myself. A week or two after being brought home, i decided I wanted to change some things up. I did the ears first I waited a week in between those two, I did the septum piercing the same month as the ears, and then last month I pierced my belly button.” “Wait you did it all yourself?!” Hawks asked worriedly, Denki nodded, Hawks was bewildered by this.

“Y-you shouldn’t be doing that to yourself you can get an infection or something!” “I took care of that, i sanitized the things that I used, wore gloves, and bought good jewelry. So far everything’s healing pretty well. Besides I didn’t wanna go looking around Japan for places that to it. You already know the piercing culture here is limited.” Hawks sighed at this.

“Please just be careful, I don’t want you getting hurt or damaging yourself.” That seemed to make Denki laugh eliciting a

“Aaaw you care about me or something?” Confusedly Hawks nodded

“Yeah I do, I may not be your parent but still, I don’t want anything bad happening to you.” “oh you’re serious?” Denki looked back at him.

“Hell yeah I am, and no its not just because I’m ‘assigned’ to look after you. I took this opportunity willingly because I know what its like to not have anyone to guide you when you get out. People do stupid things…but since that’s the case, if you’re going to do stupid things you need to be at least somewhat smart about it.” “….so no piercing my tongue?” “let's wait on that okay, kid?” “Deal!”

After dinner Hawks offered to clean up the kitchen and pack away leftovers so Denki could sit down. He wasn’t actually upset with him over the fact he was piercing himself. He was just worried about the risks, but he also knew that it was a control aspect. Being in the commission your bodily autonomy would be completely stripped from you until you were nothing but their soldier, their puppet. They owned you and there wasn’t much you had control over. Being released had to be not only overwhelming but confusing since you now have to figure out how to be a person without much instruction. Well, he already knew Denki didn’t have anyone to teach him so he essentially taught himself! Hawks did too, he was still figuring himself out though the biggest changes were transitioning.

Hawks was a transmale, and when he first started his transition he was lost and confused and was changing everything at once to not only change himself into what he wanted but to cope with his new freedom! He did a lot of stupid things he pierced himself, stayed out late drinking, and picked up some bad habits. So he could sympathize with Denki and see why he was doing the things he did, he just hoped he could be the guide he needed.

#king's fanfic #Denki is from the hero's commission #Traumatized Denki #denki angst #hawks angst #parental figure hawks #mha angst #mha fanfic blog

[princepipper]

in one of your replies about abby and Gabe you said that his parents failed to help him when he was mentally ill and i'm confused because i thought his dad was really strict in canon? like telling him to take his meds and having curfew, and that he went to the hospital too, isn't that helping?

Ah! I double checked my replies and I think I found what you're talking about, the section in this ask that reads, "...Gabriel would be the first one to not only notice, but do what his parents failed to, and help her right away."

So yeah to clarify, in both my verse and canon, it isn't that Gabe's parents didn't help him at all. We see on One's blog that Gabe has a strained relationship with his dad, mainly caused by the stress of having to raise and care for a teenager so unstable. But despite the harsh words, his dad does bring up the matter of taking medications on time, worrying about Gabriel's whereabouts, asking if he needs to talk to his doctor again... I wouldn't say that his dad is always nice or understanding to Gabe, but he absolutely is trying to help his son, even if it's not the perfect method.

I'm about to ramble, forgive me for how long this is, it's going somewhere I promise!!

I have my thoughts on Daniel Kell, canon-wise I mean. In One's verse, we know that his dad commits suicide when One is a kid, sparking the drastic difference in the life paths that he and Gabe follow. Daniel is described as a busy working man, and the stress of his job paired with his own mental health is what killed him in that verse. But for Gabe, his dad does not die, and we get some context as to what he's like as a parent here and there. Gabe says his father works as a businessman of sorts, and doesn't know anything else- that tells me right away that they are not close, as most children at that age would know the deeper details of their parents' lives and vice versa.

In another scene, Gabe's cellphone rings from incoming texts: his dad starts with all caps, demanding to know where Gabe is and that he needs to come home. But it is immediately followed up by regular texts calmly apologizing for yelling and asking Gabe to call him. Gabe doesn't do that and instead expresses exasperation at the idea. This is further insight to the dynamic of their relationship: Daniel, while harsh, understands that yelling at his son will likely cause more issues, and tries to remain calm (somewhat). Gabe doesn't like to talk to his father and prefers to stay away from situations dealing with him. It's a very strained relationship, there's no trust between them, and it's clearly stressful. And then of course, when Gabe does come home we have the interaction where his dad refuses to listen to him, scolding him for being out past curfew and even mocking him slightly for implying he has real friends instead of hallucinations.

Lastly, after Gabe gets beat up, he says that he lies to his father about the bruises on his face and claims he fell. His dad apparently laughed at him for that, and Gabe brushes that off and states that "It's ok, I laughed too!"- again, worrying behaviour, his dad shouldn't find his son's injuries to be amusing, even if it was due to clumsiness. And Gabe laughing with him is downplaying his own feelings, trying to fit in a mould of sorts for the sake of his father.

Overall, in canon, Gabriel Kell isn't exactly abused by his father, but definitely lives in a less-than-satisfactory environment. The lack of trust is one thing, but I think it's safe to say that Gabe is scared of his dad in a way, though not explicitly stated. Gabe likes to act tough and rebellious, but that's about all it is- an act. From watching his language, and the fact that he's been sheltered (which is not entirely due to his dad, but also his social skills...), Gabriel Kell is really not in much better a household dynamic than One is with his alcoholic mother. I think in general, both of the parents are neglectful in certain ways, and to get to the core of my point here...

...Owl once clarified that when One and Gabe started to show signs of being unwell as kids, their parents ignored them, until it became a larger, disruptive issue.

*wheezes* OKAY, now, my verse is a little different again, based on these ideas but not exactly mirroring them.

In my AU Daniel Kell is still a strict parent who had a lot of trouble raising Gabe, having to care for him alone after he divorced Ivy. The father-son relationship is rough, but the change really comes as Gabe gets older, maturing a bit, and him and his dad are able to better understand each other and get along. Part of this is actually because of Pipper- she's a big impact on Gabe after all, and her friendship with him is always surprising to his dad, teaching him that his son is not a total mess after all. Not only that but Pipper's kindness and patience with Gabe through all the hardships in their time together helped Gabe grow up to be more confident, happy with himself and more sociable in general. He's not a totally different person than in canon, but those changes are pretty significant, y'know?

And so anon, finally I will wrap it up by saying that all of these little factors are what make my version of Gabriel a good dad towards Abby. Because he knows what it's like to feel lost in your own head, to feel alone, to not have parents who you can talk to or who will listen. He doesn't want that for Abby, and even if she never experiences any mental problems, he vows from the get-go that he will be there if she does. He will not repeat the cycle of ignorance, and he will always be there for Abby, because he knows she needs him!!!

#LONG POST #sorry I know that is so much info #i just hate to leave things vague and i wanna delve into my thoughts on the deeper bonds of these characters! #ask #ths #gabe #abby #scarygabe #gonna tag this with canon stuff since it does talk about it a lot

[uozlulu]

I've got a kind of The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins/Cardcaptor Sakura fic in my head and I'm trying to sort it out. Not sure if I'll write it or not.

Recently I've been thinking about Souta from Ichinose Family and Touya from CCS. They're both the oldest child, their mothers were both teenagers when they were born (this is of course just a TIFDS theory but I think there's ample evidence for it), and how both of them take on a caretaker role of some kind for their younger sibling(s).

Souta is at a somewhat disadvantage in that his dad was probably also a teenager when he was born and both of his parents are immature. His entire family learns to rely on him without any kind of equal exchange where they listen to him too. He enjoys taking care of others but his needs aren't met and so it's understandable that he leaves when the adults in his life destroy his only expressive outlet.

Touya meanwhile, has the advantage of his father being pretty much a fully grown adult, though Fujitaka is absent a lot due to work. Touya also had the advantage of Sakura being a typical CLAMP heroine who is considerate. We don't really see Touya do much for his own gain, always for the gain of someone else, and so I wonder if his emotional needs are completely being met.

So I want to write a fic in which Souta runs into Touya soon after leaving his family. Touya lets Souta work for him and Souta comes to know Touya's family in the process. Since CCS debuted in 1996, that'd make Touya 43 and Sakura 36 in 2022. Touya and Yukito would live close to Sakura and Syoran so Yue wouldn't be far away from her but everyone can have some privacy. Tomoyo of course lives nearby because she will always be a part of their lives.

Anyway, the fic would be about like healing, family dynamics, etc...Also kind of taking what we've gleaned from TIFDS and coming up with how similar events happened before the accident.

I think that's part of why this fic would be a bit difficult and time consuming because it'd rely on what actually happened before the crash and also a realistic look at the Kinomoto and Li extended family dynamic. I also have only been able to watch the first half of Clear Card though I know some major spoilers from later manga chapters, so I'd be missing a chunk of knowledge the rest of fandom has which might make this fic easier to write.

Maybe this is a bit like that one Eleventh Doctor and Crowley (SPN) fic I wrote ages ago where I had the idea rattling around my brain for years but SPN had to give me some key information to make the fic materialize. Maybe I'll eventually write this fic once TIFDS ends and I catch up with Clear Card

#things to write #maybe

[thenextbestidol]

Speak a Headcanon Now!

Thank you for the ask!

Headcanon based on a speak now song

The song is: When Emma falls in love

This song is about how a girl views romantic love and acts while being in love. So this headcanon is precisely about that.

First of all, I want to clarify that she is very inexperienced with romantic love (and love in general), she has never fallen truly in love with anyone.

What's more, for her is very difficult to understand the different types of love, I plan to expand on this on my main blog one day, but in summary, as Sarina, because of how lonely she was, she never got really to learn that there are different kinds of love, for her, every love is romantic, unless the love you receive is cold because she relates the love that a parent gives with a feeling of coldness, due to the neglection she received from them.

So in summary it is something like this.

Cold love = The love you receive from your family.

Warm love = A romantic kind of love.

That's why she felt that she was in love with Doctor Gorou despite her relationship being entirely familiar, because the love she received from him was warm, so it had to be romantic right? It isn't cold, so how could they be family?

Of course, as Ruby, she started to learn that there are different kinds of love, and that cold love is not only family-related. She received a lot of warm love from Ai and Miyako (and even Aqua in his own way), and that of course she knows is a familiar love. But she stayed with the idea that she loved romantically the Doctor, and until now she hasn't really questioned if it really was romantic love or familiar.

Obviously, for me, she didn't love him romantically, it was a familiar relationship. But Ruby truly believes the love she felt is romantic.

In her specific views of romantic love, she thinks is something wonderful, something every person should follow and fight for it. She has very strong feelings and thinks that love is the reason why the world moves. You have to do anything to preserve that love, never stop fighting for it.

Because, after all, romantic love saved her from falling into despair. Hadn't been for Gorou, she would have given up really quick. It's love that makes you keep going and what gives you a reason to live.

When Ruby falls in love she loves doing gifts for that special person and would definitely be the type of girl that writes in a diary about it and suddenly seems obsessed with love songs, listening and singing them. She wouldn't tell anyone, but it would be very obvious and everyone would know lmao.

She also would spend as much time as she could with that person, always giving compliments and trying to cheer them up. She would be willing to do anything for that person and would never stop until she made them smile. She would also be very affectionate, always giving hugs and kisses.

That also means that losing a love would devastate her and send her into a spiral of pain and self-destruction. She wouldn't be able to stand someone hurting the person she loves.

#headcanon meme #ask answered #oshiai #mun headcanons about the muse #ooc

[havenofangelica]

vent #1

TW: mentions of near gun violence, SA, emotional abuse, gr00ming, depersonalization, derealization, death, attempted su1c*de

i hope people understand that the picture above is sarcasm.

anyways, screw it. screw aesthetic bullshit. that's not how real life is at all anyway. that's not how mine was. this shit is NOTHING to actively want or be glorified. this entire blog is meant for me to let it all out with a comfortable layout. i don't care about fucking borders or fonts anymore. im done. let me tell you about the shit i've had to put up with.

my childhood was taken away from me by my dad. he held a gun to my mom's head and almost killed her in front of 7 year-old me's eyes after MY FUCKING CHOIR CONCERT. i remember it vividly, and everyone i know thinks that i made it up in my mind or that it never happened. IT DID. I REMEMBER IT. for obvious reasons i never want to talk about it with my family again after how they dismissed it. That started all of my hell. Then, my dad kissed me on the lips when i was 11 when i told him that i didn't want to. my mom said that "families with different cultures do it all the time". i don't even know anymore. i didn't want it. Speaking of my mom, I'm pretty sure I found her suicide note at like 10, but i don't want to delve into specifics about that. She didn't do it, thank god.

eventually, my childhood nearly came to an end. in middle school, i almost died due to an allergic reaction to a vaccine. i had to detox for three months. i'm fine now but i still shake violently sometimes and have to deal with that stupid side effect. the doctor's dismissed it as PTSD, but it can't be that, bc even AFTER the traumatic BS, i never shook like that in my life. but, immediately after i got the shot, i started shaking. make it make sense, fucking USA healthcare.

my freshman year of high school, i was a doe. i was an innocent creature who only thought of soft music and comforting things. of course i was an easy target for predators. i didn't know any better. so i was as shocked as the deer in the fucking headlights when someone who i considered to be a friend (i was 14, he was 19) started grooming me. he only befriended me to get in my pants. he tried picking me up one day after school, and i thought he thrusted himself against me. this resulted in scarred me calling the cops. they didn't do much but order that he should stay away from me and not touch me again. i went to the school, my principal just said "boys will be boys" and moved on. of course we didn't listen to the cops, i was a pathetic, hopeless romantic who wanted to keep talking to him, his tactics fucking worked on me. he continued to sext me for a year, and my parents found out and took away my phone for an entire summer. it was honestly relieving. on the last day of school sophomore year, shit hit the fan again. he entranced me, so i talked to him then, and he made out with me. i haven't told my parents this because i never want them to know. i felt so dirty and ashamed after. it hurt.

once that whole thing ended and he "graduated" (fucking finally), i blocked him and focused on my friends. this one friend i had was manipulative, and would always paint what i liked and who i was in a bad light. i would try to help them with their many "health" problems, and they would dismiss it and complain more. bitches like that can't be helped, i guess. eventually, i had enough. i said something that i deeply regret towards another friend who knew them, and she ended up telling the manipulative friend what i said. they sent a selfie of them hanging out without me, and then proceeded to tell me what a horrible friend i had been the past three years. i blocked them all. it still carried on when the manipulative friend started shit-talking me to my sister, who had nothing to do with it. that erupted into a giant fight over DMs, and we eventually cut each other off. i feel really lonely when my sisters hang out with their friends that they've had for so long, because i had to ditch the one's i knew the longest. luckily, i have one best friend and boyfriend who i know will love, help, and inspire me always now. phone calls and texts will have to do until we can finally live with each other, though.

anyways, while all of the friend drama was going on, i was dealing with an abusive ex. we would always get into fights, i can't remember exactly over what. i just remember people telling me to get out of the relationship asap. he would only love me when he smoked weed, so that was fun. we were on and off, but i finally broke things off when he said that acid was good for you. to each their own, but high school me wasn't having that.

transition to freshman year of college. i had just graduated, and was looking to make new friends. i had made a couple, two i still actively keep in touch with and am really good friends with to this day. i met a guy, and long story short, he SAed me. I wanted to stop doing something, and he forcefully made me keep doing it. When i left, i sobbed like a bitch. I felt so worthless, like i was only an object. I felt like I was good for nothing but sexual acts. My roommate (one of my good friends) saw me afterwards, and comforted me. His assault would eventually land him fired and hated amongst students at my small college, so that's good, at least.

Okay, now go to March, junior year, 2021. I'm in a sorority, things are looking up. Then, I had a complete mental shut down. I don't even know how. I wasn't living on my sorority hall at that time due to my declining mental health. I said this in chapter (I can't really remember what the context was), and this one girl stands up and looks at me while addressing all of my sisters in the chapter room. She said that our hall could get removed if not enough sisters live on it, which is total BS. I teared up and left. Later on, I turned so suicidal to the extent to where people had to come in my dorm to check on me. One day, something snapped. I was hanging out with my bf, and we had a minor disagreement, it wasn't even that big of a deal. But for some reason, i thought it was. i told him that when i got to my dorm, i would OD on pain meds and kill myself. he called the police, who then escorted me to the hospital. they wanted to admit me to the mental floor, and my parents knew i was crazy bc i hadn't been getting sleep, apparently. i asked to leave, and i asked for water, even, but they wouldnt work with me. apparently, while i was in the hospital room, my dad said that i was worthless, fat, and that i would go nowhere in life. i didn't find this out until after the fact, when my bf, who was sitting by him at the hospital, told me.

now, my grandma just died. she helped me through so much and now i can never talk to her again. and there's a load of family drama behind that that i don't even want to get into.

now, i'm listening to music and realizing that the only reason i'm alive is just to keep my little sister and my bf happy. i genuinely resent who i am. people call me strong for going through all of this, but i feel weaker than ever. i'm honestly feeling suicidal again, knowing that i can't die because both my family and my boyfriend need me. but the pressure and weight of everything feels like so much. it sucks to live through. i'm just so tired of disappointing everyone. i need to take care of my mental health, but i'm afraid i'll be deemed "lazy" if i do. my family never really prioritized mental health at all, so now mine is, to this day, rapidly decreasing. i can't afford therapy. i don't like the counseling service at my school because every time i go, i feel judged. hell, my counselor even asked me why i still go there. like, why do you THINK i go there? anywho. i called the support line my school has several times and someone is constantly trying to call me back at inopportune times (lunch, night, in class). luckily, i have my phone off, but still. idk what to even do. i feel so worthless. my boyfriend knows about my trauma, but i can't always vent to him, and my family follow my venting insta, so i have to talk about everything here. it just sucks.

sorry for trauma dumping, i needed to let it out. this'll probably get taken down anyway, don't worry.

#vent blog #vent #trauma #childhood trauma #tw #vent post #trigger warning

[hraeth-ethile]

Lapine, most commonly known as Rabbit, and more incorrectly known as Lepee, is the cultural and historic language of the Sapiens Leporidii species. Unlike all other species-centric languages, where the majority of its speakers do not speak their species' own language, a vast majority (77%) of rabbitkind do speak Rabbit. It is thought to be a language at least as old as Sumerian, but several disputed linguistic records indicate that it may be even older - from 300 years, to 2000.

Rabbit recordkeeping is thought to be the reason for its widely-continued use in the modern age, with the rabbit religion - Lepee - using its priestesses to keep, monitor, change, and teach the language and about its typology. The lowest rank of these priestesses, who are known as Dawn Mothers, are held up as the language's custodians, where they offer free courses and language programs to any and all rabbits across every age. Curiosity, as much as tradition, brings in adult parents seeking to learn about their species and its past, who, after learning of its history and language, begin to teach it to their rabbit children.

The script for Rabbit is ultra-minimalist, with only six shapes representing the entire lexicon. These six shapes, when placed in certain ways or at certain angles, change the entire meaning of words or sentences. More than that, the script is able to be used as an alternate means to spell words from other languages, such as English and Russian. English and Russian speakers, if they are fluent in the script and its use, can use its six basic shapes as a replacement for the entire English and Cyrillic script and without having to sacrifice any meaning. This very unique trait has earned Rabbit nicknames, such as Puzzlespeak, but so has its simplicity, where it's been called the 'building block' or the 'mix-and-match' language.

Despite its linguistic abilities, Rabbit relies almost entirely on two words - or sets of two words, called hands or fluxes - to convey meaning in a situation. This is due to the language's history in rites and magic rituals, where the importance of certain words or their meanings would be revered to such a degree that they would bring the full attention of anyone who heard them. An example is included below.

'Léao hray / night runner' can, in certain contexts, mean 'pizza/food delivery person,' but it can also mean 'thief.' To add context, or to differentiate these things, a hand or flux is applied.

'Vao hray léao hray / food-running night runner' can now mean the former, and 'Léao hray silfessi ethreth / solitary outskirt night runner' can mean the latter.

To convey a much more complex idea, a sentence in rabbit is rarely more than 6 words, and a paragraph is rarely more than 12 words. For example:

English: "I have to go to the hospital to see my sister." Rabbit: "A hayth uthow il ma rusami hleengar bralrah."

Accurate translation: "I will be leaving to hear my sister tell me her prayers for good health."

Direct translation: "I will be hearing my sister's holly prayers."

Holly was historically the rabbit cultural symbol for health, medicine, and its practitioners, and prayers can be the literal sense of praying, but it can also mean listening to someone else's thoughts. In this way, hearing one's sister's 'holly prayers' can mean 'listening to what the doctors say about her medical condition.'

Subtle context clues, the historical meanings of certain words or their historical interpretations - like holly, and prayers - and their combinations, come together to form Rabbit, and then explain how it works.

#Hraeth Ethile #HEW #Language #Culture #Lapine #Baal Script