#and the way nick described it: having to play the manipulator and the manipulated at the same time

[yrsonpurpose]

You are not who I raised. Oh, that is all I am, mother.

#mary and george #maryandgeorgeedit #mary & george #perioddramaedit #nicholas galitzine #userninz #chrissiewatts #usersteen #usergayppl #usermegsb #mine* #mary and george spoilers #and thats on acting!!!!!! #sad pathetic little george you will always be loved #the way his whole demeanor changed throughout was incredible to watch #i need some awards to be won i'm so serious rn #and the way nick described it: having to play the manipulator and the manipulated at the same time #i Get It now. truly #not many people have that talent to make you feel that way about a inherently bad person #cant believe nick just fell into acting my god

[romana-after-dark]

The Wrong Way (Dark Ending): Going Under, Part 2

Raider!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Raider!Tommy Miller x Fem!Reader

Spotify Playlist

Summery: After you give birth to Ellie in the cabin, Joel fins you and Tommy, besting Tommy in a fight. What happens to you? What happens to Ellie, Tommy, Lorenzo and the rest of the family Little One has acquired? How does Little One learn to cope with her new reality? Does she fall into the darkness that surrounds Joel and all he touches? Can Joel really change for you and your daughter?

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WARNING, graphic violence, murder, manipulation, the horrors, Joel being Joel, Tommy being kinda pathetic, Joel's weird sexual fantasies, breeding kink, abuse of power. Just.... all the bad.

Extra on the executions. Suicidal ideation. Sorry, I should've put tjat in the warnings first chapter but I just came up, so this is your warning now. Im tryingto think of all the hardest stuff that happens now so I can warn ahead of time but sometimes it just happens while writing you know? Things come up. Dont say i didnt want you with major character death

a/n who watched Avatar TLA growing up? There a reference to it at the very end.... that episode traumatized me

*******************

It had been four days before Joel came and got you. The room was cold from the cool outside air; it was far from freezing, only a crisp Wyoming early fall so far. This had proven a benefit, despite the way you shivered under tattered blankets, as it aired out the bucket of piss and shit that was your toilet.

Ellie had to be dead by now. Infants need to be fed regularly, every 2-3 hours according to Maura… your breasts hurt, they hurt so fucking bad sometimes you cried from just that… but it wasn’t a hard leap from your depressed mindset. The pain was aching and you had to squeeze the milk out of your engorged breasts just to have a little relief. Your vagina hurt, too. Luckily you had stopped bleeding, although you wished you’d just bleed out already. Everything was pain and your dreams in the few moments you were sleeping were filled with nightmares.

You weren’t sure what you were living for. You laid on the mattress hour after hour, staring at the broken glass from your fit, thinking you could easily kill yourself… The only thing that stopped you was the effort it would require. Dazed, almost… that was the best way to describe it, all the hours blurring together

Honestly, you hadn't expected Joel to return at all. You figured he killed Ellie or just let her starve, killed Tommy and would just let you waste away in this god forsaken room, the room where so much happened.

Tommy taking your virginity after you begged him, playing go fish for hours.

Joel raping you, loving you, cuddling you.

Nick.

When he walked into the room, you didn’t even look up. You didn’t have the energy anymore. When his strong arms scooped you up, leading you out of the piss-smelling room, you instinctively wrapped your arms and legs around him like before… it had been habit at this point, after a year of doing this and you were no stranger to your body betraying you.

Joel, in turn, held you close. “Just look what you’ve done, hermosa… but it’s okay, we can fix it.”

“No” you whine, head in the crook of his neck. Why was his smell comforting after all that had happened? “We can’t fix this.” Your baby is gone, after all you did to try and save her.

“Yes, yes we can, you just gotta be good.” Of course Joel thought this was fixable. Ellie was only ever his replacement for Sarah, so she was replaceable herself. Joel would put a baby in you again and if it was a boy? Another one. And another, and another until you died, then he’d move onto the next vulnerable young girl.

Joel took you outside. When you saw the raiders all surrounding the yard, a yard that had previously been your comfort, a place you imagined your baby playing, you figured this is where he killed you. You were ready.

“Watch her” And he went into the house. The sunshine and fresh air felt nice, you had to admit. When he returned, he carried a little bundle; the baby blanket Mrs. Munoz knitted, with Ellie’s little face barely peeking out.

“ELLIE!” Joy and sunshine filled your heart again, and suddenly nothing else matter than the fact your daughter lived. Ecstatic, you dash towards her as all the pain of earlier seeming long gone in your desperate need for her, but Joel wouldn’t let you have it just yet. He moved her out from his firm grasp, still holding her but seemingly threatening to drop her. “JOEL NO!”

“She’s safe, little one, don’t you worry… as long as you behave.” He went back to rocking her, a soft expression as he looked at his daughter.

“H-how is she alive? She didn’t feed, I thought- I thought she was dead!”

“You really think I’d let my daughter starve?” His voice was condescending, a slight scoff at the end. “C’mon now, you can’t be that stupid. I know there's not a lot going on in that bimbo housewife brain of yours but I thought you had a little more faith in you than this.” He was… he was laughing at you. All the things he did to you, all the things he’s said… why did this hurt so bad? Joel never called you stupid before… and didn’t he… he threatened to hurt her just a moment ago, didn’t he? Or did he? Maybe you were reading into it too much…

“I’m not… I’m not stupid.” Defensively, you spoke but your eyes remained on your daughter.

“Oh, of course not, sweet girl, of course not.” Was he making fun of you? Why were the other men chuckling? “But I had a plan incase you couldn’t produce milk. I’ve got a freezer full of breast milk from other women, and even some formula. It’s expired but, it’ll do in a pinch.”

As relieved as you were about Ellie living, guilt punched at you. “You… Joel, you took milk away from hungry babies?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “No, of course not. Mrs. Little Feather was producing an abundance so I paid her well for a stash, just in case. I’ll always protect my family” He turned to one of the men and nodded.

Tommy was pushed out the house, hands bound behind him and he was shoved to the ground.

“TOMMY!” But you didn’t dare move, not when Joel had Ellie.

“Honey, fuck, I’m sorry, I-” He was cut off by Joel kicking him in the stomach. Tommy’s left hand was bandaged up from the stabbing. 

But Tommy’s reveal wasn’t even the worst. Out of the house came  Zach and Lorenzo, bound and gagged, quickly followed by the biggest shock yet. June. It had been a whole year since you’d seen her, never even saying goodbye when you were ripped away from your family. The four of them knelt on the ground, hands tied behind their backs, Lorenzo and Zach at one end of the yard, Tommy and June behind them. Joel shoved you towards Zach and Lorenzo, the guards taking off their mouth gags.

Zach yelled your name. “Run!” But Lorenzo knew better. Lorenzo knew there was no running from Joel, and there was no leaving Ellie behind. You stumble towards them, taking them in your arms. Joel was going to kill them.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry…” You sob, knowing this was because of you.

“Sweetheart.” Lorenzo’s voice called to you, oddly calm given the circumstances. “Sweetheart, look at me.” He waited until you looked him, Lorenzo’s large, brown, droopy eyes calming you the way they always did. “It’s okay. Zach and I… we’ve already made peace with this. It’s gonna be okay.”

“No it’s not!” You protest. “He’s gonna kill you both we will have NOTHING!”

Zach. “You’ll have Dolli.” You look to your big brother. “And I know it’s hard, and I know it’s shit right now, honey it’s shit, but you can’t leave her with Joel, okay? So you gotta do this. Think of mom, think of all she did so we could survive.”

A fresh bout of tears. You sniffle, smelling the grass and the dirt and the filth surrounding you. “But I can’t.” You sob violently. You can’t do this without help, you never could. 

“You can-”

“I’m not strong!”

Lorenzo. “You’ve already been strong, always. You survived a lifetime of hell and you put up a hell of a fight, again and again. You’re gonna raise Dolly to be strong like you, okay?”

Ellie. Ellie needed you. Nothing else mattered but her. “Her name… her name Ellie. Joel chose Dolly, I chose Ellie June.”

Zach smiled. “Ellie June. I love it.”

“Your goddaughter, Zach.”

He nodded. “I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise. We both will.”

Joel steps up, still holding Ellie close to his chest with his left hand. “Alright, ‘nuff talk’n”

“No, Joel, please!” You desperately cling to your brothers, a feeble attempt to save their lives when you feel yourself being picked up by familiar arms; Tommy wrapped a strong arm around your middle pulling you away. “TOMMY LET ME GO!”

Kicking, screaming, fighting, you try to pull off him but your legs dangle, treading air.

“Joel.” Tommy called to his brother. “Dolly’s ears.” He referenced the baby in his arms as Joel pulled out the gun.

“There’s a silencer.”

Horror and anguish as you cry for your family, Lorenzo and Zach both mouthing that they loved you although you couldn’t hear a sound anymore, except the sharp eeeeee and muffled voices. The panic had set it.

Lorenzo and Zach come closer together, their bound up finger intertwining together. Joel strides up the the couple, covers Ellie’s ears with his hand and chest and-

BANG! BANG!

Zach and Lorenzo’s bodies felt limp to the ground, and you didn’t have it in you to scream any more. You went into shock, freezing up and zoning out, only barely aware of Joel comforting Ellie as she cried; no doubt startled from the shooting and commotion. 

Joel spoke to his men, but you weren’t sure what he said… the only thing in your sights was your dead family and he thought that June and Tommy were probably next…wait, when was Tommy untied?

Joel hand grabbed your face and you heard a faint ‘Joel, stop’ but he didn’t. It was the middle of the sentence before you started to understand again. “-are both dead now. Jack is dead, Maura is dead. But her,” He pointed his gun at June, stepping towards her. “She’s alive. Zach tried to take her, thinking it’d save her. Look what good that did huh?”

You couldn’t speak, but Tommy did. “C’mon, man, she’s got nothing to do with this, don’t kill her.”

“Well Thomas, I’m glad you care so much, that’ll make the next part easier.”

“What are you-”

Joel ignored him. “Set her down.” Tommy did. You wobbled a bit but got to your feet, trying to concentrate on behaving… Zach was right, you needed to do this for Ellie. He walked back to you. “See how easily he listens to me? Like a guard dog. Tommy always was good at following orders.” He looked too Tommy again. “Take three steps back.” Tommy did. “Spin around” Tommy rolled his eyes, but did. “Shake you butt”

“Joel-”

“Do it Tommy”

Tommy did, looking humiliated in the process he wiggled his hips.

“Oh come ooooon” Joel laughs. “Put on a show”

“This is humiliating”

“THAT’S THE POINT!” 

You wince at the outburst, wanting to hold Ellie so painfully bad… her little nose was getting runny from the cold, even with a little hat on.

Joel raised the gun to Ellie, and Tommy immidietly complied, shouting at him to knock it off. Jaw set tight, Tommy bent over and stuck out his butt, shaking it to the chuckles of the other men. Tommy fucking Miller, Joel’s previous right hand man. Feared leader, reduced to this indignity… You looked over to June, still bound and gagged and on her knees, looking utterly confused.

“Good job, Tommy” Joel turned back to you. “See how easy it was for Tommy to listen to me? Always been like that, following me around like a lost puppy, desperate for my approval… you know why I untied his hands, little one?” He didn’t wait for your answer. “Because I need you to know he watched. He watched me kill your brother and Lorenzo, he held you back while he watch. He watched me take you, he watched me fuck you on the table, he watched me brand you, and if he had been here last week he would’ve watched as I hung you.”

The whimper from your mouth at the memory is pathetic, but you keep your mouth shut as your eyes cry. 

Joel perked up. It was like a shift, that dramatic change in his personalities that was so hard to keep up with. “So here’s my vision! It’s gonna take a while until we can all trust each other but I want us to all be a family.” He nudged his gun, and one of the men moved to June. Joel must have planned this all out, orchestrated it… He gave the gun to his man, and yanked down June’s gag. It was clear she had been crying heavily, but would not give Joel the dignity of begging for her life. June was strong like that. Sweet, kindhearted; a soft person who was undeniably stubborn. “Beautiful thing, aren’t you. Gonna make such a pretty wife.”

June was too proud to beg, but you’d been long suffering indigities. You had no pride left. “No, no, no, no, no JOEL! Don’t do this, I’ll be good, I promise!”

“Relax, bebita.” He laughed at you. “She’s not for me. You’re the only one for me, you know that right? You gave me my daughter back, you’ll always be my wife, no matter what.”

You were more confused than ever; a cooling breeze rustled your skirt, making you realize just how damn sweaty you’d gotten during all this. “Then what-”

Joel took the collar of June’s shirt, dragging her towards Tommy and throwing her at him as she squeaked in shock. Although he caught her, diving towards her falling body and preventing it from hitting the ground Tommy looked as confused as you did.

“I don’t want-”

“She’s your wife now”

“JOEL!” He held her and June clung to him. “This is insane, I don’t want a wife!”

Uninterested, Joel shrugged him off. “Fuck her, don’t, I don’t really care.” Joel strode towards you again but stopped to look over his shoulder at Tommy. “But knowing you, you probably will. Just a matter of whether you hold her down or not.”

Tommy, for all his weaknesses and flaws… you knew he was not that type of man.

“You and June will live in your old room. She can’t leave the room unsupervised until I say so” He turned to you. “Same with you, little one. But Tommy’s gonna watch you both. Know why?”

Finally, fucking finally, Joel handed you your daughter and you scooped her up, sobbing. “Hey baby, hi. Mommy’s here, yeah, mommy’s here now, it’s okay”

The sun was beginning to set, the shadows of the trees casting long over your dead family. “Because I’m choosing to spare his life, He owes me. And if we can all get along, no more run’n, no more fighting, no more ‘Joel stop!’” he mocked. “Then the 5 of us and whatever other children we’re blessed with can all live together as one big happy family.”

*

Joel sat you between his legs like you always used to after a bath, Ellie in both your arms as he nursed. “Knew you’d fuck up that room, little one. My brave girl. Always so strong, so resilient. You wanted to get to Dolly, didn’t you?”

“Yes” it was the truth, at least. You couldn’t help but feel comfort in Joel’s arms even now… what was wrong with you? Why were you like this? How had he broken you down this badly? “Just… just wanted to be with her…”

“I understand. She’s perfect, isn’t she?”

“Absolutely perfect” and she was, Ellie was everything.

A knock on the door; Joel beckoned them in.

“Watch your fucking eyes.” He snapped at his man bringing you food and water, despite this very man having been there when you were raped in the kitchen… a little breastfeeding wouldn’t had much to the fantasies. 

When Ellie was done, fallen quickly asleep, Joel took her and laid her in her crib before doing what you knew was only inevitable. 

He laid down beside you, handings trailing you body, muttering about much he missed you, how much he missed your body. “My perfect girl…” In gentle whispers, he spoke praises into your mouth between kisses, hand trailing between your legs. You hated your body for responding to him, you hated the way he made you feel so good and you hated how you would kiss him hours after murdering your brother and friend… But Ellie. Ellie is what mattered. Ellie needed to be safe, she needed her mom, and she needed no more of her family dead. So, you kissed Joel. You kissed Joel the way you had kissed Tommy only earlier this week as he swore to you he’d be the father of the child in that crib. Your life with Tommy crumbled down before you, as did any chance of happiness.

“Joel, I haven't bathed in days…” 

“Don’t care, need you”

“Joel it huuurts” You begin to cry, despite knowing that only ever has turned him on more. “Please?” 4 days was not a lot of time to heal, the tearing still evident in you.

Pulling away, Joel looks at you, cupping your face with large, calloused hands. “We need to work together on this, little one. Give a little, get a little. For Dolly.”

Damn him. Damn him and the way he made your stomach burn, damn him and the way his touch felt so good and how you wanted to just be a happy family with him even now… And damn him for knowing how to use Ellie to manipulate you.

“Can we… can we do anal?”

The surprise was evident on his face, bed creaking as he sat up. “You’d prefer to take it in your ass instead of your pussy?”

As you gaze up at him, the concern on his face was clear… oh how he confused you. “I think it would hurt less.”

His features softened as you spoke, laying back down beside you to kiss your neck. “Just focus on my hand right now, sweet girl.” And you did. You did because you were a mess, you were disgusting, you were heartbroken and sad and lonely and you wanted Tommy but you had Joel and he had treated you well didn’t he? Maybe this was survivable… maybe. But you had to please him, and Joel always made you cum. Your pleasure turned him on… so you allowed yourself to sink into the swirling touch of Joel Miller’s fingers.

His touch was gentle but pressing and urgent; patience yet needy, as if making you cum would rebuild the bubble that he had built all those months… and it just might. Your cunt feel empty when it pulses around nothing but you are thankful you are able to get this wet, to orgasm still… The natural lubrication will help with taking his dick up your ass. When the climax was over, you took the chance to relax… it would hurt less if you relaxed.

“Roll over” He ordered, and you did as you were told before Joels straddled your thighs, hands rubbing up and down your mostly-clothes body. “Such a pretty girl… such a perfect girl, and all mine… I don’t care that Tommy fucked this sweet little pussy” Joel reached down to rub your swollen lips. “I don’t care. Once you’re healed up, I’m gonna cum inside you every goddamn day until you give me another baby, gonna fuck a baseball team into you.”

Of course he is. Of course. You wouldn’t expect nothing else from him; he wanted to keep you trapped with him forever… All the love you felt for Ellie was going to multiply tenfold, and you could never, ever leave with that many.

As Joel lined his cock up, swiping it up and down your asscrack and the crease of your thighs, you burry your face in the pillow. Joel wasn’t going to prep you at all, was he? He was going to just fuck you, rip you open and punish you-

“Oh little one… you’ve had a long day, haven't you? Yeah… You’ve been good, I’ll meet you halfway” Joel slid his cock between your plump thighs.

You lift your head off the pillow. “What? What are you doing?”

He began to pump, fucking your thighs and making the bed creak enough you made a mental note to ask Jack to oil it- fuck, Jack was dead, dead because he saw you trying to escape and took you back to Lorenzo. Dead because he went to get Zach to save his life… All of them ended up dead anyway. Jack, Maura, Lorenzo, and my dear brother who had only ever tried to help you. Now June was essentially Tommy’s wife just as you were Joel’s and although you trusted Tommy not to hurt her, she was in a house full of raiders… and Joel.

“Let it out, baby, let it out.” Joel cooed as he thrusted between your legss; one or twice he spit down between them to keep the lubrication going but it wasn’t long before he pulled out, jerking himself as he painted a picture of his cum on your ass and thighs. “Beautiful girl… beautiful.” The cum was like lotion as he rubbed it along you, rubbing your aching muscles… Did he love you? Truly?

When Joel leaves to boil water for the bath, you go to pick up Ellie. You needed her, needed her painfully. You wanted to make up for lost time in those four days she was gone, and away from you; she needed skin to skin, she needed love, she needed her mama’s voice… she needed you.

Joel could hear you from outside the door, peaking through the crack to watch you cuddle his daughter… you were a good mom. You loved Sarah like he did, you cared for her, you wanted the best for her. You just needed to learn, that’s all. Learn that Joel was the only man that mattered, learn that giving Sarah a family with siblings and two loving parents was more important than your own personal feelings. You simple needed to learn that Joel knew what’s best. He’d take care of you, take care of you like he always did; protecting you. He wouldn’t make the mistakes he made with Nick, Tommy, Lorenzo, Jack… Tommy would watch you while he was gone, but he knew Tommy, and Tommy was a simple man. Place a pretty girl in his bed, and it wouldn’t take long before they were fucking, and once Tommy fucked a girl, well… he latched on fast. Probably his mommy issues.

You were so sweet with Dolly, so careful, so attentive… even now, you sang to her and Joel thought this was the only sight he needed to see for the rest of his life: You, freshly fucked and beautiful with Dolly asleep in your arms as you sang.

What Joel didn’t know was your thoughts were consumed by your brother, dead outside with a gunshot in his head. Maybe you could ask him and Lorenzo to be buried together… it was the least you could do for your first protector… your soldier, your guardian who died in vain fighting for your safety after a lifetime of taking your beatings. 

“Leaves from the vine

Falling so slow

Like fragile tiny shells

Drifting in the foam

Little soldier boy

Come marching home

Brave soldier boy

Comes marching home”

The bath after sex felt exactly like it always had.

*******************

YEEEEEEEEEEEESH goodbye Zach and Lorenzo!!! my babies! my favorite couple! (im so sorry fen. I murdered your boy!) Also sorry angela buuuuuuuuuutttt you knew this was happening.

Honestly my heart aches for Zach. I have an older brother who was largly my protector in my childhood, my best friend for so long and I love him lots. Thats who zach is based off of for me but i dont wanna give a faceclaim bc I tryyyyyyy to make little one race inclusive (i know i didn't do perfect with the details of her bruisings but it can be hard) If any of my mutuals wanna see a pic Ill show you XD

Remember when I said taylor russle was June's faceclaim? I lied. I saw a picture of Alisha Boe and was like!!!!!! wait no thats her!!!! so now shes on this header.

JUNE AND TOMMY PLOT TWIST what do we think will happen there??? (June is canon bisexual, so dont let her marrying Maura in ghost of you series throw you off. She's the one who told little one all she really knew about sex.)

PLEASE LEMME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND THEORIES!!!! RBS ARE SO IMPORTANT TO SPREAD WORK but I like you know what you guys are thinkig!!! what part was the hardest to read? what are your thoughts on how this goes? One june and tommy? the deaths of jack and maura as well as tommy and lorenzo? Joel suddenly being very condesending to little one and almost like a schoolyard bully to tommy? all this happening while holding ellie?

He kinda reminds me of Joe Goldberg in You lol carrying Henry around with him on his lil stalking trips

@pimosworld @rubyfruitjungle @moriartyyouwhore @k-ra @the-fox-den @jenna-ortega @alwaysmicado @lunar-ghoulie @ladynightingale @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @maura-honey @fandxmslxt69 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller smut #tw rape #dub con #non con #dark joel miller #romana after dark #dark!Joel #the last of us hbo #joel miller fic #joel miller reader #joel miller reade smut #dark joel miller reader #tommy miller fem reader #tommy miller smut #tommy miller fem!reader #the wrong way fic #the wrong way series #tommy miller

[noemitenshi]

@marrecarandgi

ok so, the mommy issues: he does have them though i don't think they are sexual in nature (which is also why i don't like to call them 'mommy issues'--- theres always a certain… connotation attached (and on top of that it sounds, to me, like blaming the victim. not saying you're doing it! not at all! Just describing my aversion to that particular phrase as best as i can)).

So what that whole thing boils down to is that he never experienced the love of his parents, that's where it stems from. That's part of why he fixates on Madison so hard. BC already in the first ep of s3, moments after he greets madison, he watches her declare her love for her kids and for travis. "do you love him more than your life?" he asks her and the way he looks at her… like that's such a strange thing to him and at the same time he'd wished someone would love him that much. or like even half as much. hell, he'd take a quarter! It's kinda heartbreaking. He's drawn to such a love and jealous too. Of course he is, he never got it. And then he finds out who her son is she got in such danger for and… is angry at him. Angry that he has such love in his life and just--- treats it with such disrespect (=bc he's a junkie and also bc he clearly ran away from his mom). I think it reminds him of the relationship with his own mom, how HE had such love for her and how she had only disdain for him and for his love. And while he can't hate his mom - i mean i think he does. but he also loves her. feelings for his mom are complicated… but with NICK it's not complicated. He can just hate him. So yeah there's a lot of projecting going on. None of it sexual though, I don't believe so. Explains part of his fixation though. AND THEN on top of her apparent love, she immediately turns around and tries to manipulate him. "My, my son, he's out there, somewhere. Alone. I'm sure if you were lost in the wasteland, your mother would do anything to find you" Definitely he loves the way Madison could play his games (the way she did even as she was disadvantaged, even as she was scared), the way she tried to manipulate him AND also the way she loved, those two things drew him to her. Personally I think he was most taken in by the 'she keeps at it even while she's afraid what he'll do' thing she had going on. Pushing onwards despite. Does it remind him of himself? Most certainly. He loves to draw that out of her, that bravery, that opposition. After all, he likes people pushing back it's attention, it's caring enough to engage with him, not just dismissing him… And I think a third aspect in their relationship is that he also wants her to.. teach him, in a way. Because they're pretty similar - both manipulative and clever, wanting to control all others around them and not afraid to do what needs to be done (in their eyes) - but then! She's got a family that loves her. If she could just teach him how she did that… he could have a shot at that too. At long last he could have that, too! If only she could teach him her secret.

So yes, his family did fuck with his head badly, he's certainly got issues. And it comes out as desperate to make connections, as soaking up attention and affection wherever he gets it, no matter how dangerous it is. He knows full well Madison is playing him but he just can't NOT engage, at least in s3. I'm so fucking happy for him he got over that in s8. How heartbreaking would that have been otherwise… And I think the reason he got over it is because he finally got what he was craving - someone that loves him. Not wanting to use him or someone who merely tolerates him, but honestly, truly loves him. First Serena (I assume) and then definitely Tracy.

--

Now about the 180 he did wrt killing Madison - honestly that's just bad writing in my opinion and having everything rushed because they wanted to do too much for 12 eps. That's how it felt while watching haha. (Same btw for Tracy suddenly saving Madison what the fuck come on get out of here with this shit omg). Anyway, what I could imagine is going on here: he knows he's fucked (chances of surviving this and actually getting tracy to safety pretty low) so he does what he thinks will most likely ensure Tracy's safety. Getting on the good side of these people (by saving Madison).

It's still a stretch, I know, but makes more sense than 'he saw into her eyes and realized bla bla bla' come on! Orrrr maybe he realized her dying now, without anything she believes in is no punishment for her. She *needs* to believe in the same shit Serena did so it really hurts her when she dies. She'll feel like she's losing out on something, or whatever. Now it seems like she welcomes death. She even said it to him didnt she. Something along the lines that padre will be safe without ppl like them around. She wants to die. So. He saves her. (Just like she didn't kill him when he begged her back in s3. she just sent him into exile). I kinda see this one as the most likely explanation. Also makes sense he wasn't paying attention to Madison, just worried about Tracy. Because that's his number 1 prioority.

---

Now naming Tracy Tracy still has me scratching my head and calling bullshit. Sorry, no in-universe explanation for it, writers were being stupid. Probably thought 'oh this will show he really really cares about family bc he named her after his mom' or whatever.

#troy otto #madison clark #tracy otto #ftwd #ramblings #fear the walking dead

[fallingsunflower]

Okay so I just finished DWD (not in theaters). Here are my honest thoughts.

This post contains detailed spoilers.

Before I get into my general feelings and what I didn't like (they're kind of one in the same), here are some things I did like:

There's a lot of symbolism for eyes in the film, like jump cuts to an eye, jump cuts to dancers dancing in an eye formation, the town looking like it's in the shape of an eye. The placement of some of these jump cuts were questionable but I liked the purpose they were trying to serve. It was Big Brother-esc.

Likewise there were some hidden "clues" I liked. For example in the real world we see a man in a red jumpsuit as a janitor at Florence's job. Plays into the whole "being watched" thing. Unsure if that was intentional or not but it was pretty noticeable.

I liked Harry and Nick's character dynamic lol

I also liked how the song Florence was humming tied into the story. I thought that was well done.

And lastly, visually, the movie was pretty good.

OKAY now here's my synopsis/general feelings:

I found the beginning to be a little confusing. There are a lot of jump cuts and short scenes that don't entirely make sense. Like I get the picture they were trying to paint but I wish it was done better? Idk how to describe it. Also it's literally entirely in the trailer?? Like scene for scene so if you happen to miss the first couple minutes of the movie, don't worry.

Along with the jump cuts and short scenes kind of thrown in, I found there to be a lot of camera movement. I found it somewhat distracting tbh. Perhaps the point was to make the viewer dizzy but I also felt this way within the first like 5 minutes. Not during the actual "thriller" part when it would make more sense. And there were also some weird camera angles.

To be completely honest, I just don't like Olivia's directing style in general so I'm having a hard time looking at this movie with an open mind (also for the obvious). I didn't really like Booksmart for this same reason so this isn't stunt related or anything. It's just her creative eye I don't like.

I saw another anon somewhere say that the sound effects are off and I agree. The scene where Florence breaks the egg was off. Like it just didn't sound right, idk how to describe it. It's possible I went into it biased though since I heard it sounded weird before I saw it.

I found Kiki to have somewhat of a weak character. And when I say this I mean I wish they explored Margaret more. She had an awkward introduction in the film, which I blame on the directing tbh. This was a common theme in this movie (I'll explain more below). But yeah I just wish Margaret had more of a storyline.

The first sex scene doesn't make sense. It also feels unnecessarily long but perhaps I feel that way because it doesn't make sense. It's just weird I guess. Like I think maybe it's setting up the rest of the movie like "they have sex a lot and they're in love!" but idk, it felt unnecessary while watching it. I would actually argue both of them were unnecessary. Looking at the bigger picture of the film, it has nothing to do with sex. I don't get why it had to be added.

It's very obviously a misogynistic society. There's a lot of manipulation and gaslighting, plus the whole being trapped in a "man's world" ideology.

Harry is a very awkward kisser and it was low-key unbearable to watch lol I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt in the trailers but....I simply cannot.

If you don't like Olivia, you won't like this film. She was in it a lot. I would argue she had almost the same amount of screen time as Harry. In order from most to least, it would be: Florence, Harry, Olivia by A LOT. The other characters had barely any screen time. I saw Nick Kroll maybe 4 times, and Asif maybe 3. Chris had some but even then I'd say it was 10 min max.

Olivia was also shown a lot unnecessarily. Like there'd be a scene of something happening (usually Chris Pine's character talking) and the camera would show Bunny's reaction before/over Florence or Harry's. It was odd.

The scene where the plane goes down was cringey. I wrote this one down specifically in my notes but it's applicable to others, too. I think it was so cringey because there were A TON of awkward pauses. I blame the director for this because it was even making Florence look bad, in my opinion. She was good but the directing didn't make her great.

There are a lot of poor transitions between scenes. Like flashes of trippy images or other scenes (Jack and Alice in bed) but it's never explored fully. Some of it just felt unnecessary to me and confusing.

Harry singing about boiling potatoes SENT me lmfaooo that was the best part tbh.

I didn't hate Olivia's character.

I wasn't a huge fan of the score. Some of it was like a Walmart version of the Us original soundtrack. And I LOVE the composer (John Powell) so this isn't a dig at him. I just didn't like this particular score for the movie. To be fair also, John is more of a children's movie composer (How To Train Your Dragon, Shrek, Kung Fu Panda) so idk if this was the right genre for him. Again, that's a personal opinion.

I felt like there needed to be a bigger lead up for Florence going crazy. It was confusing when she put the plastic wrap around her head. I don't understand what was going on (I have a theory though I'll discuss below). And also Alice going underwater was weird? Like how'd we get there. There wasn't a big lead up. It just kind of happened.

Margaret died waaayyyyy too soon. Like within the first half hour I'd say. It'd be more "acceptable" if she had more of a backstory but she didn't.

Alright so then we have a scene of Frank testing Alice. He knows she knows and is egging her on. I want to know why? We also hear his voice presumably in her head. I'm almost wondering if all these hallucinations (her seeing Margaret, the wall closing in on her, etc) she was having were him messing with her since he's in charge of this whole simulation. But why? Why was he "waiting for someone" like her? Doesn't make sense at all.

Harry struggles with acting with his face. Like he's void of most emotions facially. I think that's what the issue is with him, partially anyways.

There was a long shot of just Olivia's face for some weird reason? It felt unnecessary lmao

Harry's American accent is TRASH. They should have just made him 100% British. Him choosing his nationality felt unnecessary. Just make him British in the real world too.

The flashbacks toward the end of the movie (when Florence gets shock therapy) made way more sense. They just weren't done well during the first half.

It was very Truman Show-esc especially at the end. Also the car chase scene reminded me of something from an early 2000's Disney Channel Original Movie lolol

.

Okay those are all my notes I took. I'm sure there's more I can say but I'll leave it at that for now.

#don't worry darling #dwd

[shall-we-go-far-away]

now that was an episode!! whew, I don't even know where to start

Boston, god damn it Boston, he's so uurrgh, he's so weird like I genuinely don't know what his deal is.. ok, he's seems to want something from Top but is it necessary to literally manipulate every single person around you?? I felt like this ep. we followed him going from one person to another and just completely fucking them over

I don't even know how to describe it but whenever Boston is on screen my brain just goes "ew!" with literally everything he does, I know nothing in the show or trailer implies that there's gonna be murder involved but Boston genuinely gives me serial killer vibes I don't know how to explain it

and you know how I said I don't like Boston and Top, well this ep. didn't exactly made me like Top but at least showed me Top had some sort of humanity left in him while I think Boston is just a straight up asshole

Top is still weird to me, he's like a huge question mark he seems to like Mew and is obviously interested, I guess that's why he seemed a little hurt when Boston showed him the picture of Mew and Ray kissing but that really doesn't justify him having sex with Boston especially after Boston said the photo was from two years ago?? like bestie, you seem to be having serious trust issues

moving on to Sand and Ray, I'll just tackle them in one because as of right now they are the only pairing with a realistic chance of ending up together, I think their dynamic is fun but they walk this really thin line between just sex and feelings which yes, they did dicuss but we all know this isn't going to work out

their scene in the car gave us a reality check of where their relationship really is at because Ray is still into Mew, he enjoys Sand's company and all that but Mew still is more important and you could tell by Sand's reaction that he felt kind of betrayed, he let Ray have his way even though he said he never slept with someone twice that wasn't his lover only for Ray to leave him in the middle of everything

now I don't mind Ray being there for his friends, yk that's nice of him but like, he could've handled that a little different.. I also think this isn't going to be the only time Ray leaves Sand for Mew which is gonna lead to this whole "what-even-are-we-can-you-focus-on-me-for-once"-situation we saw in the trailer

I'm also really intrigued by the history between Top and Sand like how do they know each other?? why do they obviously not like each other?

now, Mew.. I've seen a few people say he's like the evil mastermind behind everything but, no I don't think so, I just think he's less innocent and naiv as he's painted to be like he's not stupid and I could see him playing all nice but if something really pisses him off he'll snap for sure

and last but not least.. the nations meow meow Nick!! now up until ep. 2 I thought he was simply the unfortunate guy that falls for the asshole and gets nothing but pain and suffering in return.. and while I do think that's what's gonna happen he could also very well be the reason that drives the whole friend group apart in the end because my guy is really getting all the tea, he's sleeping with Boston, he lives with Sand who's got something going on with Ray who again, is friends with Boston, he knows Top from Boston's photos and has now been introduced to the rest of the friend group.. Nick could be pulling so many strings if he wanted to but I guess we'll see how that develops

#only friends #this show is giving me brain damage already and we're only 3 episodes in #only friends the series #gmmtv series #bl drama #gmmtv #thai bl #mewtop #sandray

[c-40]

A-T-2 385 Dope Library Music With A Space Theme

Holst's suite The Planets written as what the composer described as "a series of mood pictures" (in a music lesson at school we were told to close our eyes listen to this piece of music and let images appear infant of our eyes) I'd argue it was very influential in the development of space music. Mainstream public interest interest in space travel is believed to have come from a Soviet youth magazine published October 2nd 1951 which outlined how two men might fly to the moon and back, thus kickstarting the Soviet lunar programme. This is published in the US and the space race is born. The Space Shuttle era begins in 1981

John Cage composes Imaginary Landscapes No.1 in 1939. In the 1950s with the onset of the space race there was a boom in space films. The film Forbidden Planet came out in 1956, it's soundtrack was made entirely electronically (reportedly to get out of paying musicians and union rates), this helped solidify a connection between space and synths. Electronic music is considered to be futuristic in nature, and in the 1950s it was (in 2022 watching films set hundreds of years in the future but they're still dancing to 1990s electronic dance music is a bit of a joke.) In 1963 Doctor Who appeared on UK television screens with it's electronic theme music realised by Delia Derbyshire using musique concrète tequniques. Like with the John Cage piece I mentioned the sounds electronics can produce often sound alien, sound can be manipulated way beyond what a musician playing wind, strings, percussion, or a voice can do. In that way these sounds might be considered futuristic or even emanating from outer space. Electronic instruments also seem more scientific, it's often called tech, closer to computer laboratories and rocket controls than pianos, saxophones, drums, or guitars

We tell stories about space. Star Wars ushers in a renaissance of space fiction and it remains popular to this day. Ridley Scott's second space film Bladerunner comes out in 1982, which has one of my favourite soundtracks

Space library records are popular with fans of electronica and they usually have great sleeve artwork. That space library albums have a funky beat makes no sense at all, there's nothing particularly spacey about drum breaks, still I am drawn to them

Gaston Borreani recording under the name Galaxy for De Wolfe

Galaxy - Jupiter

Again for De Wolfe Unit 9 who did two space titled albums Delta and Over The Moon. Also check Fission Chips from Over The Moon and Omicron (before it was the name of a covid19 variant and we believed in progress and the future, ah! innocent times) from Delta

Unit 9 - Pi

Earforce Band - Sky Racer brilliant German one off for UBM Records. Bassist Dieter Petereit and drummer Willy Ketzer were both in the fusion band Passport. Space is big enough from harpsichord

Roger's New Conception - Expectation from the album Infomatic 2000. Roger Roger & Nino Nardini sounding like something from the 1960s or 70s. Sleeve artwork is nicked from the CTI album Moon Germs by Joe Farrell and isn't a million miles away from the sleeve for China Crisis' debut album designed by Peter Saville Associates. Anyway, beats

Christian Chevalier - Strange Pop from the album Christian Chevalier & Alan Feanch - Space Résonance. Alan Feanch followed up with sister album Flash Résonance: Space Dream

Miha Kralj - Jupiter from the Yugoslavian state owned record label PGP RTB album Odyssey

Roland Brocquet - Epsilove another French offering, this one from the album Robot Rose "Claviers Synthétiseur"

The Astral Dimension - Black Holes from Italy, not to be confused with Astral Sounds. A spooky ambient one this

#1982 #library music #space #unit 9 #the astral dimension #roland brocquet #miha kralj #christian chevalier #nino nardini #roger roger #earforce band #80s music #synth

[nincompoopydoo]

LOVE IS STRANGE

PAIRING: Poe Dameron x reader WORD COUNT: 1.9k SUMMARY: The union of Ireca and Mohash may seem a typical cliche of love in comparison to your depressingly lonely state, but when a certain poster boy pilot emerges during the celebration, you wonder if love works in other underlying ways. A/N: I found this in my google docs, first written about a year ago. so, wohoo i present to you my first ever poe dameron content, i think? he's so charming and carelessly beautiful. please leave a comment and tell me what you think or what else you'll like to see from me 💖 gif by @john-seed from this gifst WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol and getting drunk, space swearing. support my writing through ko-fi💖 MASTERLIST

Love is strange. Delicate yet fierce. So forceful that it manages to seep through the cracks created by bombs and gunfire of war. Unexpected at times, appearing out of nowhere. Yet, it’s beautiful because it brings those with beautiful hearts and minds together, entangled in the constant dance of intimacy and devotion.

It’s what Ireca and Mohash have.

Ireca was from the Logistic division, a mechanic herself and your colleague. She was to be married to her long-time lover, Mohash, a flight engineer for the Cobalt Squadron. As far as cliches go, wartime love falls along the lines of a romance cliche. Yet, war was all you’ve known. It’s what everyone has ever known. It’s common to develop some kind of a feeling other than the constant emotions during battle—fondness, the feeling of falling in love with someone. It’s truly what we stay alive for.

Maybe that’s why you hate it so much. The absence of the feeling that everyone describes as so fucking amazing that it completes you. You feel empty most of the time. It’s definitely the reason why you put all your effort into fixing things you can rather than complicated problems and issues that continue to reside in your mind, especially in the wake of midnight.

You find yourself sitting by the makeshift bar, tucked away from the crowd of friends and colleagues. There’s music playing, the sound of drums, and the seven-string hallikset reminds you of your brief visit to Naboo three cycles ago. You’re nursing a warm cup of something that tastes closer to acid water than alcohol.

Ireca emerges from the crowd with flowers in her braided hair. She approaches you with a bright smile and calls out your name wistfully. You shoot a strained smile her way, feeling the bags under your eyes weigh a little more. “What are you doing here all by yourself, huh?” she asks, leaning against the bar with a gentle pat on your shoulder.

“I’m just really tired. Last night was rough. Plus, I’m behind schedule.” you sighed heavily, running your fingers through your hair. She flashed you a smile of sympathy as you continued, “I’m sorry, Ireca. Don’t let me ruin your night. Go, have fun.”

She raises an eyebrow as you take another sip from your cup.

"Go. I'm sure you don't want to miss Mohash's special performance." You gesture to a drunk Mohash, who seemed to be searching for the woman. Ireca merely laughed. "Oh, it sure is going to be special." With a gentle touch to your back and wave, you watch her make her way into the swarm of bodies. You're left alone once again.

You’re still trying to figure out how Mohash even got hold of any sort of alcohol and managed to smuggle it into the base. Someone must have nicked it during one of the previous missions in the Mid Rim.

You rub your eyes, half-awake at this point; your cup is placed beside you as you rest your head against your folded arms on the table. Your mind is in a daze and incapable of irrational thought, deciding it would be best to just camp out here, by the makeshift bar, for the night. You were too tired to drag yourself all the way to your quarters, which felt like miles away, in the first place.

As sleep began to weigh heavy upon your eyelids, you suddenly felt a sharp tap on your shoulder. A soft groan escaped your lips as you shifted your head, still resting on your arms, just enough to peek at your sleep intruder.

It’s Poe Dameron. Commander and Black Leader. Incredibly talented, confident, and effortlessly handsome.

Ugh, you hate this guy.

Yet, you don’t feel so tired anymore.

“Are you drunk?” There’s amusement in his voice with a tinge of mockery. It made you realize the stun you were pulling. Classic Dameron. It was supposed to be a happy ceremony, but it was truly Ireca’s fault for manipulating you into coming tonight. Parties, events, and social gatherings were never right up your alley. You prefer spending time with machinery and your greasy hands.

Poe’s eyes are gleaming under the fluorescent lights, filled with concern, but you spot the smugness in his emerging smile. A flash of a thought, you kind of want to feel his lips on yours. The image immediately stings. You want to gag.

Poe is irritating, arrogant, and careless. Not charming. Nope, definitely not charming.

You straighten yourself, trying to shake off the burning image, shoving it to the back of your head. You lift your head, propping your elbow on the table and resting your chin on the heel of your hand. “You actually think I’ll even touch that bantha shit?”

Tearing your eyes away from Poe, you reach for your cup only to realize it was empty. He casts you a look. Your eyes shoot daggers with an extended pointer finger his way, “Don’t you dare say anything, flyboy.”

Poe raises his palms in defense, lips pursing. “Wasn’t going to.”

You catch a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, one hand discreetly reaching under his tawny leather jacket. Then, a bottle of Corellian whiskey emerges, shining under the lights of the Resistance hangar. Your face lights up at the recognition of the bottle, memories of your rare trips to Corellia, sharing whiskey drinks with your colleagues. It was the only planet you’d been to ever since you joined the Resistance.

You’ve only tasted Corellian whiskey once because of how expensive it is. You’ll happily get drunk to that in a heartbeat. Drink the worry and sorrow away with the lingering taste of frankly exorbitant whiskey.

Like a child with grabby hands, you reach for the bottle, but as your fingers brush his, Poe quickly lifts it to the air and away from you. He smacks your hand away. You whine, feeling a little lightheaded. The contents of the mysterious drink are starting to kick in.

What the blinkin' mradhe muck was in that drink?

“What do you want from me? It’s not like I have a drinking problem.”

He’s giving you that look like he’s judging you, but with a hint of amusement at the slight tug of the corner of his mouth. “You definitely have a drinking problem, but... i'll let you drink this on one condition.”

“For kriff’s sake,” you mutter, rolling your eyes, glancing away. “I’m not doing any weird wacky favors for you, Dameron.”

He scoffs, expression bewildered. “Hey, I don’t ask for weird wacky favors,” He articulates his words with a defensive tone, index finger stretched to your face. You simply smack it away as Poe clicks his tongue and continues to clarify his proposition. “All I’m asking is for you to fix my ship.”

Your wide-eyed gaze flies to him, shaking your head furiously. “Oh, no, no. No. Never in a million cycles. Never in a million millennials. Nuh-uh—”

“Hey, quit being dramatic. It’s a simple job.”

Your eyes grow even wider, voice raising. “A simple job? You fly that ship of yours like we have hundreds of spare ones. I’m not putting all my time and effort into fixing a lost cause.”

“But you haven’t even—”

“No. I’m not fixing your ship, and that’s final.”

Poe blinks and you’re back to fussing over your empty cup. The chatter of the crowd grows louder as a group of pilots of the Cobalt Squadron began rendering verses of an unknown traditional drinking song to your ears. You steal a look to only find Ireca and Mohash amidst a dance, tangled in each other's arms.

He eyes closely, noticing the turn of your lips, trained eyes deem melancholy. He knows the face of a loner very well—usually recruits with lost family and homes. They enlist in a mass community of freedom fighters for the restoration of good in the universe, and to finally feel a sense of familiarity and belonging. He doesn’t know much about you but he knows you don’t truly have anyone to depend on but yourself. It’s the reason why you’re constantly fierce.

Poe clears his throat, shifting closer to you as he watches the way you carry your gradual gaze to hold his. They then flit to the space between the two of you, raised eyebrows acknowledging the weird close proximity of his presence to yours.

“Look, you’re the best mechanic there ever was and probably ever will be. So, fix my ship, and you get to have this Corellian beauty. All of it.” He sways the bottle in the air, but you don’t look at it.

“You know, that’s bribery.”

“Yes, and it’s working.”

You scoff. “No, it isn’t.”

Poe laughs. “Yes, it is. I can see it in your eyes.”

Another scoff, you look fully aggravated. “How dense do you think I am?”

“Oh, very, but let’s not get into that.”

Bickering was the only language the two of you spoke fluently when you found yourselves tangled in a conversation with one another. Thrown insults were spoken lies—saying you hate each other when you know that isn’t true. Well, at least you don’t mean it and you hoped Poe didn’t either.

You’re exhausted, physically and mentally. For once, kindness and acceptance seem to be the easiest route.

A sigh passes your lips as you blink up to the ceiling, sending a silent prayer for blessings from the Maker above. “You’re right. I am dense. Truly dense. So, yeah. Okay. I’ll fix that stupid X-Wing of yours.”

Poe blinks, dumbfounded. “Wait, really?”

With a roll of your eyes, they meet his very own wide ones. “Yes, really. Only because you complimented me. Now, hand me that Corellian whiskey before I change my mind.”

He then makes a sound that resonates between a cough and a pleasantly surprised laugh, eyes crinkling with delight. Poe happily and absentmindedly passes the whiskey to you, still reacting like your agreement is some sort of object of ridicule in the best way possible.

“Wow—Maker, you have no idea what kind of trouble you’re saving me from. If the General ever found out—man, pfft. Thank you. Thank you so much—”

A swift and unexpected motion, he is reaching you, palms clasp and either side of your face, and plants a quick peck on the side of your left temple.

Poe isn’t thinking straight.

There you are, mid-swig, lips so close to the rim of the bottle with eyes so wide. You steal a steady glance at the pilot whose expression seems to reflect yours. His hands are still on your cheeks. He’s unbelievably close to you and he’s staring with that stupid look of his.

‘Maker, preserve me.’

A cheer erupts from the crowd from across the space and just like that, the moment is gone. Whatever the moment even was. His touch is no longer on yours and his gaze shifting away.

The tension, however, is still very present.

You finally take a swig of the whiskey, wanting to ease the sudden tightness in your chest. You hum at the stinging sensation on your tongue. You catch a glimpse of Poe from the corner of your eye who busies himself with tapping his fingers nervously against the surface of the bar.

Then, in an awkward motion, you stretch your arm to him, offering the drink.

A beat. His gaze shifts between you and your hand. When he finally gives in, a smile curves upon his lips, fingers brushing against yours. They’re delicate and you smile at him. It's small, but it makes his heart skip a beat and you wonder to yourself about the strangeness of love.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #poe dameron x you #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron oneshot #star wars

[felassan]

Dragon Age II and Dragon Age: Inquisition concept art & assets from a 2016 talk/presentation by Matt Rhodes, titled “The World of Concept Art” [watch link & source]

It’s an interesting and insightful talk which I recommend watching, especially if you have an interest in concept art and related things like character design and how it fits into the overall game dev process. It’s also interesting to see a bit about how the DA team’s art direction/process has changed over time between games, and hear a bit about how they’ve been doing things going forwards for the next game.

This is Part 1. [Link to Part 2]

(Some notes on the commentary given on the images and in general in the presentation under the cut due to length.)

On image 2: DAII had a fast, hot production period where decisions were made very quickly. The devs knew that the central hub, Kirkwall, had been a center of an old slavery-based empire in the past, and wanted to have indications of this [in its art direction]. There were going to be giant statues that the PC eventually fought - on the right is the design for the statues as they originally were. In the top left, this is all they had for the location [owing to the intensive prod period]. They also had a general idea that they wanted to have tableaus that came to life, shown in the bottom left.

On image 3: Going back to the design of the giant statues, the beautiful golden clockwork version of the design doesn’t really say ‘tool of an ancient slavery-based empire’, so they took the model and tried to come up with something that had more of the kinds of shapes that get into the back of your head and say things like ‘aggressive, hard, simple’.

On image 4: So here they had started doing concepts trying to find some of the right poses, accessories etc that these things would have. One of the hearts of the internal ‘DA art [direction] codex’ is “gray and pointy”; if they give a concept like this to [then] Art Director Matthew Goldman he instinctively wants to go “Yes! Approve!”, and so has to kind of reign himself in a little bit.

On image 5: This is where they ended up getting to and how the concept art turned out in terms of the model, with some negotiation back and forth. This is an example of how their art direction process now tries to tell a story with the art (i.e. it tries to support the story through art aspects of the setting and the environment). Historically, they would have just thrown the French-looking, Baroque clockwork version of the statue into the game and gone with it. They are getting more and more intentional with this sort of thing.

On this image: This was an internal image made for internal discussion. The characters in it aren’t ones that exist or that became other characters, with the exception of the Warden, who kind of became Blackwall. In this image, they were trying to think about visual separation among members of a group at the most basic level (simple graphic design principles, like different shapes and colors). This image is part of trying to solve the design problem of having 4 different characters on-screen in the party at once in their games - as in, players of course need to be able to easily tell who is doing what and where.

A general comment: At BioWare, the concept artists nowadays involve themselves in the character design process much earlier than they used to. Historically, as in earlier games, the writers would write up a bunch of characters and then concept artists would be brought in to draw them. Through negotiation and back-and-forth they would then come up with something. Nowadays though, the concept artists are involved from Day 1. The writers now write down 2 words to describe a character and the artists do sketches based on that. The writers then will write a sentence and the artists will do more drawings based on that. Then it progresses to a paragraph and drawings based on that and so on. In this way it goes back and forth and they build it up so that the visual aspects and the writeup/content of the character are developed completely in tandem, complimentary to one another. This is their goal. They aren’t quite there yet, but this is what they’re trying to strive for in this area.

On image 6: These are Dorian concepts. His initial 2-word writeup was “rockstar mage”. They had different artists take different swings at him. The middle concept is Matt’s. The third concept is by Casper Konefal. Everyone was very excited about it and so it was then taken up to a more final stage (image 7).

On image 8: Casper is one of Matt’s favorite concept artists because he goes in and lovingly details absolutely everything - all the pieces of jewelry etc. Each ring has a story. This attention and level of detail and thought behind it adds authenticity and verisimilitude. 

On image 9: In game development, there is an effect on character design that can happen during review meetings. The concept/character artist will know what they need visually from a particular character’s design in order to visually tell the story and to help the character support that. Oftentimes, people who aren’t artists don’t have the language to describe this or realize that’s what’s going on in a character’s design, and instead they just see imperfections in the presented faces. What this can lead to is that unintentionally a group review meeting can slowly trim away all the features of a character that make them interesting or distinct. This is why, for many characters across the game industry, if they were shaved and had their facial decorations etc removed, it would be kind of hard to tell many of them apart, as they have all been subjected to this sort of “council sandblasting” process. Casper figured out an idea to help with this; annotating concept drawings with artistic knowledge that artists know intuitively, as has been done here. Artists know, for instance, that certain shapes and angles can allow for certain assumptions about the character to be made (for example, think about Cassandra’s personality and then consider the angular, straight strong lines that make up her face). Annotating like this and then presenting both versions alongside one another helps these aspects of character design be recognized in the review process, and helps characters remain more distinct.

On image 10: They knew that in DAI there was going to be a character who would be with the PC for the whole game - the humble little hermit, non-intrusive, someone quite closed off who the player wouldn’t know much about. “[quote] And at the very end of the game you’d basically find out that he’s Loki himself, or the embodiment of this ancient god that had been tricking you and basically manipulating you the whole time, characterized by a wolf.” And so Nick Thornborrow hung a wolf’s jaw bone off his neck and it was just there in plain sight the whole game. Because this detail was in the drawings at an early stage, it sparked conversations with the audio department, and the audio department could add touches from their end like having wolves howling when he walked into a new area. They could then get all of these different elements and things that could be hinted at, so that when you play the game a second time it’s like ‘They weren’t even hiding it!! It was there the whole time!!’ He loves that.

A general comment: Any one of BioWare’s 3D modelled characters standing in-game talking or animating probably ends up costing them something in the 40,000 - 60,000 dollar range (they calculated this).

A general comment: For DAI, the concept artists also started to get heavily involved in the storytelling side of things at a deeper level, doing things like quick’n’dirty storyboards for the cinematic designers and spending more time with the writers talking about what emotions they were trying to convey at different points and so forth. Since starting doing this, this has become a built-in part of their process.

A comment in the context of giving advice to up-and-coming and student artists, on the subject of how concepts and ideas are naturally thrown out during the process of iterating on ideas etc: “[quote] Right now, the project that I’m working on that I can’t talk about, I have 3 versions of the story in the garbage, and it’s awesome. Because now I’m working on the fourth with our lead writer and it’s so much better than it would have been otherwise and we’re doing it so much earlier so that we can actually change things up.” Said project could be DA4 or something else. (Please remember these comments were made in November 2016. MEA came out in 2017 and DA4 has been rebooted)

[source]

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #dragon age #bioware #solas #cole #cassandra pentaghast #slavery cw #spirit boy #my lady paladin #long post #longpost #da4 tag for the insight into post-DAI era art direction/design process #& for the reference to the project which may or may not be da4 #highlights compiled in case the talk as-is isn't accessible to someone

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 18X01

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I was really excited for the Premiere and I have never been so disappointed in my life. It took me a few days to write this review because I’m just so unimpressed. I feel like the only interesting parts of the Season 18 Premiere were the Meredith and Hayes FaceTime call, Levi in that outfit and Jo with that hair, and the interviews. That's it. I mean Teddy and Owen’s two weddings were interesting if you’re a Teddy and Owen shipper, but I never have been so that didn’t really do anything for me.

The pacing of the episode was super slow and it was just altogether boring. There were also just so many inconsistencies. For example, Teddy and Owen originally planned to get married at the park with just Megan, Farouk, Evelyn, Leo, and Allison which doesn’t make sense because prior to their break up they were talking about planning their dream wedding. Now they finally get married and Richard didn’t even know about it? They asked Megan to fly in, but they didn’t tell their friends at the hospital after they just all attended Maggie and Winston’s wedding two weeks earlier?

It’s also not clear if Meredith knows that they got married which is weird because she’s the main character of the show and was an integral part of Owen’s previous two weddings one of which was held at her house. Also, Amelia and Link weren’t there and it’s not clear if they even knew about the wedding which is weird because Meredith, Amelia, and Link were all present when Owen proposed to Teddy at Christmas at Meredith’s house and they are all co-parenting Leo together.

While I appreciated the shift to a lighter tone and that they chose to have this season exist in a post-COVID alternative universe where we can see the actors faces again without the PPE and return to escapism the Premiere didn't pack the punch I was expecting. The premieres are usually super shocking and action packed and this one just wasn't. It was just boring and all of the most interesting stuff happened off camera during the two weeks between the Season 17 Finale and the Season 18 Premiere which is just stupid.

I saw the priest getting hit by one of the cyclists coming a few minutes before it happened based on the promo and the context of the scene and there wasn't a big shocking event like there usually is. The pace of the Premiere really felt off to me. My friend Amy who I watch with every week described it as the pacing you usually associate with a nice stroll through a moonlit garden. Fine for episode two or three or a connecting episode but not the Premiere. I feel like they really misjudged what fans were looking for and I’m hoping that they do the work and course correct now that the Premiere has aired and the completely dismal fan reaction as come out.

One of the few bright spots for me was the introduction of Peter Gallagher as Dr. David Hamilton. I love him as an actor! He's great! His recent roles in Grace and Frankie and Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist were fantastic! I was super excited when I heard he was coming to Grey's. I like Dr. Hamilton so far and I'm interested to see how his relationship with Ellis and Meredith having dreams about her mother following her battle with COVID will play into the story this season. While it would be interesting to see Meredith work in Minnesota temporarily like Cristina did back in Season 9, I don't want her there permanently. Seattle is as much a character in the show as any of the main characters we've come to love, and something would be missing for me if she moved.

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't make much sense to me for Meredith to move to Minnesota permanently when she only knows a few people there. Who would watch her kids? If she's going to move to me, it makes more sense for her to move to Kansas where Alex is or Switzerland where Cristina is. Her kids have already lost their father and so many other caregivers and Meredith has stuck it out in Seattle for so long after everything that's happened that her moving to Minnesota for me would be bonkers.

Also, where were her kids in the Premiere? All of the interviews that came out prior to the Premiere talked about how Meredith’s focus at the beginning of the season would be on her work and her kids, but they were nowhere to be found in the Premiere and it’s not clear whose watching them while Meredith is in Minnesota. The interviews also made it seem like Meredith and Hayes would still be circling each other at the start of the season with quotes about how timing hadn’t been on their side, that they still needed to have an official drink and go out on a date, and that while Meredith wasn’t looking for a relationship one might find her.

That had literally nothing to do with the Premiere we saw whatsoever! The kids were MIA and it turned out that Meredith and Hayes started dating off screen following Maggie and Winston’s wedding and we didn’t get to see ANY of the firsts they talked about so much over the last two seasons. So stupid. The Premiere was a total rip off. I hate that Nick Marsh is back and I’ve never gone from liking a character and an actor to hating them in such a short period of time ever. My God. I’m so pissed off about this. What the hell were they thinking? Why did they think we would want this at all?

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Nick Marsh as a character and Scott Speedman's portrayal of him when he first showed up in Season 14. I was all ready for him to be Meredith's next great love and I was on board. But then he disappeared and was never heard from again and it was reported that Speedman wanted to take a break from TV for a while so I mourned the loss of what could have been and moved on. I sat through the out of character nonsense that was the DeLuca storyline in the belief that eventually that storyline would end, and Meredith would get a real proper love interest that made sense and would be her post-Derek endgame.

So, I was really excited when they introduced Hayes and I have really come to love his character and his budding relationship with Meredith. I feel like I've been waiting forever to finally see them go on a date and I am super pissed off that we didn't get to see it. I would have loved this storyline with Nick if they had introduced it at any previous point in time, but now after they've spent so much time setting up Meredith and Hayes it's just infuriating. I feel immense rage over how they handled Meredith and Hayes and Meredith and Nick’s storylines in the Premiere. I'm so angry. The whole thing just made no sense. That Premiere should never have aired. It never should have gotten past the draft stage. It was that bad. The first date and all of the firsts that come with a new relationship are the most exciting parts of a romantic storyline for me and I love seeing all of that on screen. They hyped Meredith and Hayes’ relationship up so much and even had the two of them talk about 'firsts' and dating after death so for their first date to happen off screen along with Austin's panic attacks and bad reaction to his Dad starting to date again is just such a rip off.

I have stuck with this show through thick and thin and for them to reward that loyalty by having the most interesting parts of that storyline happen off screen while showing a bunch of stuff on screen with other characters that they could have just told us about? So ridiculous. I was so excited for this season and now I'm just angry. I'm hoping that they are building to a big mid-season finale where Meredith is going to return to Seattle and by that time Bailey will have helped Hayes out with Austin and the two of them will finally get together on screen but I'm starting to feel like every time I get invested in one of the Meredith's new love interests, they pull the rug out from under me and I'm getting really fed up.

In other news, I'm not too surprised that Megan and Riggs broke up off screen only because Virgin River, which I love, just got picked up for two more seasons and I imagine Martin Henderson is busy filming that and it looks like Megan is going to be around for a while and they had to explain it somehow. I loved Meredith and Riggs together and I hated how they ended that storyline so I'm not sad about them breaking up off screen.

The Premiere also broke my heart over Amelia and Link’s storyline. It’s just so stupid. It’s drama for drama’s sake that’s all it is and it’s tired. When did marriage become so important to Link? In the span of a few months, he went from being totally fine with not getting married and checking in with Amelia every few weeks on how she felt to convincing himself that Amelia wanted him to propose so he did so at her sister's wedding and used her dead brother's children to do it. Amelia's right the whole thing was super messed up and manipulative and she was right to say no.

Link decided marriage was important to him and that fostering Luna would be totally fine without ever talking to Amelia. Yes, Amelia should have shared her thoughts with him too, but he also should have paid attention. Now their otherwise healthy relationship is over because she doesn't want to participate in an archaic ritual that involves signing a contract and exchanging vows? That's just stupid. I hope they find a way to work it out and get back together because I really like them as a couple.

I like Dr. Michelle Lin the new Head of Plastic of Surgery that Bailey and Richard are looking to hire. I thought for sure after that photo of the other guy made the rounds on social media that he was going to be the new Head of Plastics, but then he said that he doesn't do "free" and I knew he was out. I'm excited for there to be another female surgeon of colour on the show as the gender and racial balance on the show has been more white and male as of late and I think Grey's is at its best when you have a roughly equal number of women and men and as many different races being represented as possible.

I think it makes the storylines more interesting and authentic and personally gives me more characters that I can identify with. This new doctor seems driven, determined, and could have a potentially interesting dynamic with Richard and Bailey. She’s also giving me some Cristina Yang vibes and I’m all for that. I love Cristina. Always have. Always will. That being said, I'm a bit confused as to where they are going with Jo's storyline as I thought for sure the new Head of Plastics would be a guy and her new love interest. But Bailey did say they still needed to hire a new general surgeon and a new neurosurgeon so maybe one of them will be for her?

I can't really say that there was anything I loved about the Premiere which is disappointing. Jo's parenting hair dye mishap was funny, Levi's outfit cracked me up, and I liked that Bailey agreed to help Hayes out, but that's about it. The thing I was most excited for coming into this season was Meredith finally being back on her feet and seeing the romantic storyline between her and Hayes finally come to fruition.

Finding out that she's going to be in Minnesota for the foreseeable future, she and Hayes started dating off screen but had to call it quits because seeing his Dad date someone new caused Austin to have panic attacks, and finding out that Nick Marsh is back? I hated it. I don't understand how the same person who wrote the Season 16 masterpiece “Snowblind” with that amazing snow scene between Meredith and Hayes wrote the Premiere. I just don't understand. I really hope they're not going to do a love triangle with Meredith, Hayes, and Nick because that would just be so stupid.

She's a forty something award-winning surgeon who's a widowed single mother of three. Love triangles made sense when she was young intern, but at this point it's just dumb. I also didn't feel the chemistry this time around between Meredith and Nick like I did the first time. It felt forced and flat. I like Maggie and Winston together, but I didn't find their storyline in the Premiere particularly engaging. I'm glad that Amelia stayed true to herself, but I hate that Link has decided marriage is the only way forward and that they're still fighting.

The only moment that really made me laugh out of the hour was when Jo opened the door and Levi was in that ridiculous outfit. I loved the FaceTime call between Meredith and Hayes, but I hated the context. Honestly, I'm not really excited about any upcoming storyline this season which makes me really sad. I'm usually super positive and hopeful when it comes to this show, but this episode just stomped all over my dreams. All I can hope for now is that they pull a twist and everything I was hoping for happens in the mid-season finale otherwise I don't think I'm going to like this season very much.

Until next time!

#grey's anatomy #meredith grey #cormac hayes #MerHayes #jo wilson #levi schmitt #atticus lincoln #amelia shepherd #amelink #miranda bailey #richard webber #cristina yang #michelle lin #ellis grey #david hamilton #thoughts #review #18X01 #here comes the sun

[air-in-words]

Badger Snakes and The "Red-Stained Ledger"

Since my recent announcement identifying as a Badger Snake (don't @ me if I change my primary at some point lol still going back over that one,) I've looked up some characters that have been identified as Badger Snakes, and found two things:

1) There weren't very many in fiction and

2) most go through the same personal journey I had described in my previous post.

By that, I mean, a very similar feeling of self-loathing or feeling as though you have some dirty secret to hide, AKA the Red-Stained Ledger Natasha Romanoff refers to. The two main ones that have been agreed upon I'll be focusing on are Woody from Toy Story and the aforementioned Black Widow, but I'll also be bringing two new characters into the fray, one that's been sorted as such based on the portrayal, and one that I've discovered on my own. They are Selina Kyle AKA Catwoman and Dewey Finn from School of Rock.

It's interesting to find the similar plotlines that certain sortings are given consistently in media, and The Power Behind the Throne AKA Badger Snake seems to pretty much only have the one: They fight for the group that they are loyal to, but they can't seem to help but do so in a way that they aren't proud of, one that they're sure would lead said group to shun them.

I'm sure someone could point out a character I'm not referencing here that doesn't have that plot, but at the very least, this plot dominates the sorting.

Woody in the first movie goes through exactly that issue. He only wants to fight for Andy's toys, and in many ways, all toys he comes across. He makes choices that he believes will benefit everyone, and prides himself on being able to make the "tough choices." But, he ends up having to do so in a "duplicitous" way, when he seeks to manipulate Buzz Lightyear out of his group. This is a horrible, dirty secret to him, and he feels almost as if he could never return to them, never show his face again because of how he chooses to fight. In the end, he reaffirms that his actions come from a good place, a place of love for his group, and finds ways to use his crafty talents that are slightly more constructive and a little less "cloak and dagger."

Natasha Romanoff has given me the namesake for this Badger Snake element: the Red-Stained Ledger. She describes her desire to fight for her country, for her family, but struggles with what she knows she's good at. She believes she's inherently a bad person and is determined to remain a loner due to her "badness," due to the "monster" she is. Good people don't lie or manipulate. Good people... uh... I dunno, bake cakes or something? Work humble jobs? But, her contribution to the world, her ability to be clever and tricky, means that holding her group, her country, her family, the Avengers themselves, only in her heart and not in her hands. But, her true colors are shown in her never-ending dedication to the cause, down to her being willing to give her life so that no one else has to do it. In a way, it's sad, because she died believing she in some way deserved it. But, none of her teammates felt that way about her. She may have been crafty, a master manipulator, and a skillful liar, but she was the farthest thing from bad.

Now, onto the two newer additions. I've seen Selina Kyle sorted as Double Snake, and I would agree that there are many interpretations that could fit the bill. But, if you ask me, the truest interpretation of her is as The Power Behind the Throne, the Robin Hood with no loud cause to shout from the rooftops; only a desire to help the people of Gotham. She uses her skills as a thief to act as a sort of "guardian angel" to the poorest in Gotham, but she has no grand statement to make. She sees people hurting, her group, the underdogs of Gotham, and came to their aid. But she does so quietly, secretly, because she believes in her heart that the way she has done so is not worthy of praise. She's a con and a thief, but, she places people above all else. She, in some interpretations, is one of the main people to open Bruce's eyes to the fact that not all criminals are necessarily bad people. Some of them are just in terrible situations they can't get out of. And yet, she won't afford that benefit of the doubt to herself, believing she is simply a broken toy not worth fixing. Her occasionally lackadaisical attitude towards killing may seem to make Badger primary unlikely, but Badgers are not always loyal to ALL humans. Her group is the poor and downtrodden, and those who act against them are less than human in her eyes.

Now, we come to my personal favorite, my own personal discovery: Dewey Finn from one of my favorite movies, School of Rock.

Dewey is a fabulous example of a Badger Snake, in my personal opinion. His chosen group is Rock with a Capital R and "the band," whichever band that may currently be. He may have some sort of Burnt Snake primary performance/model going on, wanting to play the part of a "rock star" that truly only cares about himself, but his true loyalty is very clear. He is worried about doing his chosen group justice in every way, making sure that Rock is being well-represented and that he's serving his current band the very best he has to offer. Being kicked out of his band at the very beginning is earth-shattering to him, not because he has a Snake primary style devotion to only them, but because they told him he let them down, and implying that he wasn't representing Rock the way he should. His Snake primary performance/model melts away as he bonds to his new band, the kids he teaches. He brings them into his chosen group of Rock and creates a new bonded group with them in particular as they form a band. He actually finds himself liberated by taking a backseat to the children (a very Badger primary thing to enjoy,) allowing Zack to play his song, guiding Freddie away from making bad choices, helping Tamika find her voice, encouraging fellow Snake secondary Summer how to use her shrewdness, and, using a method I believe is best utilized by Badger Snakes, helping Principal Mullins find her chill. Lol.

Badger Snakes, more than any other Snake secondary type, will rely on the "we aren't so different you and I" approach to get what they want. He finds out Mullins also enjoys Rock. This is something they have in common! Let's create a situation where we "naturally" find out we have this thing in common, placing us both in the same group. Although other primaries don't glorify groups as much as Badger primaries do, all people are more likely to listen to or help out someone they feel is like them in some way. So, Dewey puts some Stevie Nicks on the jukebox and gets Mullins on his side.

In a similar fashion to the characters listed above, Dewey believes he is truly a loser and has nothing of any actual value or goodness to provide. But, the children help him see he's wrong, and he finds a way to utilize his talents in a way that truly fulfills him.

In conclusion, although seemingly unrepresented, I think there actually may be quite a few more Badger Snakes hiding in media, and, perhaps, they can be outed by looking for the Red-Stained Ledger plotline. Badger primaries are more likely, in my opinion, to be disturbed by their actions than say a Lion primary, due to where their loyalties truly lie. Although Lions may fight for the right thing, and that right thing may involve people's rights or serving a group, they serve that right thing before any of the people they may steamroll over to achieve it. Badgers, by definition, serve things. And, usually, lying, cheating, or otherwise being crafty is viewed as the worst possible way to serve someone or something. They do care about the things they may hurt or damage through their actions, and how they use their talents does, in fact, matter to them immensely.

So, to my Badger Snakes out there struggling with their own so-called "Red-Stained Ledgers", just remember that Dewey Finn would think you're kick-ass.

EDIT: Sorry, was thinking about it, and had to put an edit. Another way to think of this plotline/character archetype is mentioned in School of Rock as well as in a musical I know very well. I wouldn't use this moniker as the name for this plotline, only because it describes a very specific Snake secondary, one that is playful and light-hearted, and not all Snake secondaries are like this.

Zack's song refers to Dewey as The Magic Man, a person that swoops in and, almost by magic (in actuality, manipulation) brings out the best in the people around them. In the aforementioned musical, this character is called The Music Man.

Harold Hill may very well be another Badger Snake, although one more heavily disguised than Dewey Finn. I won't go too deep into his characterization here, but know he's a conman who claims to be a band instructor, while he has no musical talent himself, planning on taking the money for the uniforms and instruments and running. Instead, almost without realizing it, he encourages and manipulates the people of the town he enters into becoming better versions of what they are now. And, the most tragic part of his character is revealed once another character, one of the children he's conned, points out that there isn't a band, and never has been one. Harold tells him "I always think there's a band, kid."

It's interesting that, in both of these cases, they are associated with music and an almost mystical ability to bring out the best in others. I might do a more in-depth look at Harold Hill at some point, since I've been planning on doing some musical characters for a bit.

If thinking about having a Red-Stained Ledger is too negative for your own self-image, think of yourself as The Music Man. Your friends and the people around you may actually see you as an almost mystical force for good, someone who always seems to know the right thing to say or do to bring out the best in them. :)

#badger snake #badger primary #snake secondary #sorting hat chats #sortinghatchats #harry potter #hogwarts housing #hufflepuff #slytherin #hogwarts #red-stained ledger #woody toy story #natasha romanoff #black widow #selina kyle #catwoman #dewey finn #school of rock

[jade-marie]

Heyyy. With all this supposed romantic jealousy and like you said ‘dick measuring’ game that Nick and Rio are playing, I think about the scene in the car after Beth got Rio arrested and Nick got him out. Rio said: “so what do you want to do about [Beth?] and Nick said “not what you want to do.” This scene makes it seem like they have a plan that they’re BOTH in on to deal with Beth. I’m at first I thought they were playing good cop/bad cop (I still think they are) but now Rio is clearly uncomfortable with Nick’s plan. What the fuck is going on because I am confused?

Also do you think the dynamic between Nick and Rio will become clearer by the finale? They seem to have a very complex relationship and wow, who would have thought utilising one of your best and most underused character that LITERALLY DRIVES THE WHOLE MAIN PLOT would make the show interesting again 🤔

Hi, doll! Ok, you’re gonna have to bear with me because my brain is messy at the best of times and I’ve had a non stop headache since yesterday morning, so making sense of my thoughts is hella difficult right now lol. I’m just gonna break this up into sections to help me keep track of everything!

P.s. I’m sorry this got long 🥴

Rio and Nick’s dynamic

So, from what we’ve seen so far, Nick is extremely narcissistic, manipulative, and selfish. In my opinion, he doesn’t really seem to have a very strong sense of self or morality, he just becomes whoever he needs to, in order to achieve the goal at hand. Whether it’s kissing ass at the golf club, playing politics, or having Rio thrown in jail/beaten with a stool. He’s always thinking about the long game, always about the bigger picture, he likes to use every situation/person to his advantage. He seems to have some sort of resentment and/or jealousy towards Rio and that comes out a lot in his desire to take from Rio. He took his dreams of being a boxing a boxer, his freedom, trivial stuff like the burger and the basketball. I also think he wants to take Beth but they’ve not made it clear in what capacity he wants to take her. Whether it’s because he’s clocked that Rio has/had genuine feelings for her, or because he thinks Beth is a business asset. Either way, he sees that Beth is a sore spot and he’s going to keep pushing as a way to exert power and feel like a man.

Rio, on the other hand, likes to see immediate results, and he can be pretty impulsive. He’s also very self-assured, he is who he is and he doesn’t change that for anyone. He literally has a giant tattoo across his throat which he displays proudly because he doesn’t care how anyone else sees him. But he has a natural charm and charisma that he can use when he needs it, without having to become a completely different person. I think he’s a very emotional person, regardless of how much he tries to hide it, which can make him pretty reactive to situations – see: basically every interaction with Beth.

They’re wildly different people and this would cause conflict in itself because they immediately want to handle situations differently, like with Annie being kidnapped. The girls owed him money, Rio was mad about it, and he wanted an immediate resolution to that problem, whereas Nick didn’t care so much about the short-term financial issues, in comparison to the long-term benefit to him of keeping Beth onside. Within their organisation, the structure is still kinda murky because he doesn’t seem to be the boss, but then he does and ehhh. Supposedly Rio handles all the illicit stuff and then Nick pushes through city contracts to shell corporations he owns and also makes money from that, as well as keeping Rio out of jail. The actual power imbalance between them still irks me because Nick is literally a councilman. He has no real clout. There’s no reason for him to have such a hold over Rio, especially when Rio knows exactly what Nick is and he also knows that Nick wouldn’t have dick without him. But I digress.

The conversation in the car

I definitely think that conversation is very relevant to what’s happening with Beth right now. In that moment, I think Rio wanted revenge, plain and simple but he was also thinking long term. I don’t think he was planning on going out to kill her, but that’s where Nick’s mind went because he severely underestimates how much of a “big picture guy” Rio can be hence telling Rio, “not what you want to do”. Presumably, there would’ve been a discussion between them off screen where Nick decided exactly what was going to happen and how they were going to use her. My guess is that going forward they were basically going to play a game of ‘good cop bad cop’. Nick offers himself up as the friendly local councilman, shows concern for Beth, helps her etc, while Rio is more menacing than ever. Rio is reluctantly going along with this plan because of the stupid power imbalance, but I think he’s got something up his sleeve. I think the discomfort we’re seeing from Rio stems from their difference in opinion on how to handle Beth, Rio chafing under Nick’s control and also the resentment Rio holds because of Nick’s constant routine of taking what’s his. I kinda spoke about it in this post.

Last time Beth got Rio arrested, he shot Dean - he’s not shy when it comes to payback. Typically, he’s always quite reactive to situations and that can (has) come to bite him in the ass but he knows this. He was there. He knows that every time he pushes Beth, she pushes back with equal force, so he needs to immobilise her. While Nick just wants to use Beth to benefit himself financially, by using her to push through contracts for shell corporations etc, I think Rio wanted to kill two birds with one stone. He can use Beth as a shield for his business and make money off her, then later on, I think he probably wants to use her to get rid of Nick and potentially let Beth go down with him as payback for her betrayal (at least, I think that was his original plan but he may soften to her and end up forming an alliance once Nick is out of the picture).

Romantic Jealousy?

As for the jealousy, it’s still not the word I’d choose to describe Rio. It probably fits, to a degree, but I always associate it with pettiness and wanting stuff you don’t have - i.e. Nick. With Rio, it feels more possessive over what he already has because he knows Nick wants to take it. This now extends to Beth because she was and is his, at least in a business sense. I don’t think he’s ever been particularly jealous of her in their personal relationship because neither of them ever truly gave into whatever it was. In business, she worked for him, she answered to him, if she needed help – she came to him, and he’s created that dynamic with Beth by keeping her isolated from his wider organisation. He was effectively trying to mentor her and make her in his image. Now, Nick comes along and suddenly Beth’s going to Nick for help, Beth’s doing what Nick says, and she’s looking to Nick as a mentor. So, once again, Nick is taking what belongs to Rio. That’s why I think he reacted the way he did in the strip club. He realised that he was about to lose to Nick again, and he wasn’t willing to let that happen, so he pulled out the ol’ carrot and stick. He took her money away as a punishment, made her think on her feet, and then rewarded her for a job well done. He showed her that she doesn’t need Nick because then Nick has no hold over her. He’s showing Beth that she can get shit done on her own, but also reminding her that he essentially made her what she is. He taught her. He believed in her. He asked her what she gained from being on the city council and doing what Nick tells her, knowing full well she gets fuck all out of it because he knows Nick. Then he gave her a reward to make ‘team Rio’ all the more appealing. Yes, there could well be some romantic feelings under that but I don’t think that’s what’s driving Rio right now. I think this is firmly about him and Nick, while Beth has become another toy for them to fight over.

#rio x nick #good girls nbc #rio good girls #nbc good girls #beth boland #brio #gg season 4 #rio x beth

[popanalysis99]

The Cool Girl Trope: Explained

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.“ - Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl.

The trope “cool girl” is defined as a girl who is “one of the guys” and likes what men like, eg. sports, video games, junk food, swearing, cheap beers etc. basically she is a “dude in a gorgeous woman’s body”.  This term was first coined in the novel Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn which was later deconstructed and called out.

The problem with the Cool Girl trope is that it’s just a male fantasy. Meaning that it’s an idea that is invented by men. Basically they not only have to act but reinvent themselves into what men want them to be: A Cool Girl. Gone Girl explores this fallout and how this took a huge toll on Amy, when she tried to pretend to be something for Nick when she first met him, but when she grew tired of it and he began to cheat on her, this caused her to lose it and go on a rampage where she would frame her husband for her murder. It basically shows that if a cool girl grows tired of putting up with the act and stands up for herself and shows her own agency, then the man will grow tired of her and move onto someone else. 

Examples of Cool Girl in Media

There are many examples of Cool Girl all over movies and tv shows:

The most popular one and one of Flynn’s inspirations for Gone Girl is Mary from There’s Something About Mary portrayed by Cameron Diaz. Mary is a girl who is a doctor, but is shown to have an interest in golf and other sports and loves hamburgers. Another peculiar thing is that throughout the movie is that a lot of a guys...a LOT...fall head over heels for her and begin to stalk her and there isn’t even a reason why.

Donna Pinciotti from That 70′s show is defined as a tomboy who is a feminist and loves to hang out with the guys down in her boyfriend Eric’s basement. She is shown to play sports and loves to wrestle for fun with Eric and is unapologetically feminist.

In How I Met Your Mother, when Ted first meets Robin, he describes her as the perfect girl. Robin is shown as someone who loves scotch, sports and doesn’t want anything serious. It’s also justified since she was also brought up as a tomboy by her father in Canada.

The Cool Girl Vs. The Girl who Cares a lot

Just like the video above by the Take describes, the Cool Girl is often compared with a girl who is “uptight, feminine or cares too much.” there are many examples of this comparisons. Either in the same media or in two different medias.

For example in Black Swan, when the repressed good girl Nina is compared with fun loving Lily by her dance instructor, she feels like her struggles of becoming her dancer is for nothing.

Using the examples of two female detectives from two different tv series, Kensi Blye from NCIS: Los Angeles and Domnique Dipierro from Mr. Robot, who represent the Cool Girl vs. the girl who cares a lot argument.

In Dom’s case, she is an FBI agent who is assigned to solve the 5/9 case. We see that she is a lonely workaholic woman who is determined in solving the 5/9 case. She usually chats with Alexa and jerks off to sex room chats. She cares too much about her work and finding someone but she fails to when she ran off from a proposal due to her social anxiety. All she believes in is getting the work done but unfortunately loses her own identity in the process. She even mentions how she has no life outside of her work. When she gets put through so much trauma, including being forced into working for the Dark Army, she easily breaks down and becomes a fearful doormat for them, which causes her to completely lose her own agency. Dom basically represents the “girl who cares a lot.”

While Kensi in NCIS: Los Angeles, who is a NCIS Special Agent is shown to subvert these kind of narrative. She isn’t a workaholic or anti-social because of it. She isn’t obsessed or determined with solving a case or finding clues to something or being promoted to a higher status or have a need to prove herself, she is just cool and humble with the way she is. She enjoys the company of her male friends and isn’t afraid to try out new things. She even shows that she can be assertive and manipulative for survival and use her street-smart skills and wits and she can have more feminine aspirations such as settling down and being a mother without being ridiculed or dehumanized for it. And whenever she is put through any trauma, she is able to stand back up and keep going. Kensi shows that being herself is what makes her cool.

Conclusion

The true meaning of Cool Girl should be that we shouldn’t be act “cool” just to be with a man. Being a cool girl means to be our true selves and find our identity and we can gorge on junk food and enjoy manly interests without impressing them.

#trope analysis #cool girl #trope #examples #ncis: los angeles #mr robot #there's something about mary #gone girl #that 70's show #how i met your mother #tropes #essay

[summerstardust]

Did You Miss Me? Part 7

Dhawan!Master x Reader --- Previous Missy x Reader

AN: I finished this at like one in the morning, so I hope that this is good!

Summary: It has been over a month since The Master appeared again and him and the reader are living a happy Human life. But through your daily routines together will the reader discover something off about The Master.

Warnings: some alcohol consumption

Word Count: 2832

“I hate pretending to be Human!” The Master screamed into the air as soon as he entered the apartment. You didn’t know if he was just shouting out of rage or if he actually knew that you were home and the comment was direct toward you. You, however, assumed the former. The two of you had been living together in your apartment for a little over a month now, and most everything was working out. The Master would help you with your studies and you would help The Master with his school plans and pretending to be Human. But then there were days like today where both of you were tired of iterating with Humans. The Master’s reactions were always more bombastic.

You were nestled under many blankets on your couch, having taken a break from doing some homework. Evidently, The Master had not seen you and was just screaming out into the air in frustration. So when he turned the corner and saw your face peeking out from one of your blankets, he jumped and almost dropped his work bag! He gasped and placed a hand over his hearts while looking away from you. You remained silent, but continued to watch his actions. Once The Master calmed down he threw his work bag and plaid purple coat onto a nearby chair and removed his shoes. He then walked over to you and removed your blankets. You were about to protest because of the sudden coldness, but The Master crawled and laid on top of you before cocooning the pair of you in your blankets.

“What was it this time?” You eventually asked, but The Master only mumbled something into your chest, causing reverberations to run through your body. You were unable to hear what he said. “I’m sorry, love, what was that?” Like a petulant child, he dramatically shifted to where his chin was resting on your sternum, causing the pout already written on his face to double.

“The self checkout machine at the grocery store refused to work. I wasn’t able to get  anything and my boss invited us to a dinner party again!” You tried to hold back your amusement at The Master’s complaints while rubbing circles on his back.

“How did you survive before you met me?” You joked.

“I either had random people do my bidding or my TARDIS.” The Master moved to cuddle into your neck and motioned for you to play with his hair.

“Oh, poor little baby! So overwhelmed by having to take care of themselves.”

“You're so mean!”

“I’m mean! You're the destroyer of worlds!” The Master sighed and slumped down onto your shoulder, you continued to run your hands through his hair until he calmed down a bit.

The Master usually only slept at night beside you. He obviously didn’t need to sleep as much as you. Throughout both regenerations you encountered, they often said that Timelords(or ladys) were more advanced than Humans and didn’t need to do things as often as your species, like sleeping and eating. But The Master would always stay by your side and protect you during the night. However, The Master seemed incredibly stressed, more stressed than usual so you told him to take a nap while you went to get the groceries and that the pair of you would discuss the dinner party when you came back.

It was a quick trip to the store without The Master. You loved him, but he was oftly distracting! You noticed that whenever The Master pretended to be Human, they tended to obsess about every Human thing. He tried to explain it to you once, basically he thinks that he must be knowledgeable in every Human thing to accurately convince people that he is Human. You tried to explain to him that no Human is fully aware of everything  on the planet, and that’s just part of being a Human. But everytime the two of you go to the store, The Master insists on extensively researching everything he sees. 

When you returned to your apartment, The Master was not asleep on the couch where you left him, nor had he moved to your now shared bed. Once you crossed the threshold of your bedroom, you noticed that your wardrobe door was open. You were more preoccupied with your thoughts on where The Master could have disappeared to, then you remembered that that wardrobe was the TARDIS. Neither you or The Master had entered it in over a month and a thick layer of dusk had accumulated from lack of use. You were confused by this and wondered what The Master would need in his TARDIS, or what he could be doing in there all of a sudden. 

You slowly made your way to the wardrobe and peaked your head around the open door. The Master was in deep concentration, pushing buttons and pulling levers. You creeped further into the TARDIS and cleared your throat to get The Master’s attention. His head whipped toward your direction, a stern glare clearly visible on his face.

“What are you doing in here?” You asked softly as to not anger him more.

“You aren’t supposed to be back yet.” You were shocked by his response. It was cold and emotionless and completely unlike how he ever treated you. You recovered from your shock quickly, however.

“But I am back. So why didn’t you answer my question?”

“I am allowed to enter my TARDIS whenever I want.” He was just as cold in speech as he aggressively pushed more buttons and pulled more levers. 

“I understand that and I’m not stupid. I understand that you are going through more than I could ever imagine, despite the fact that I constantly tell you that I am here for you if you ever want to discuss it. But despite everything, you have no right to talk to me like that.” The Master stopped what he was doing and you saw his face calm down, and almost look remorseful. Before he could respond you quickly spoke, “Finish whatever you are doing so we can talk about the dinner party.” You quickly walked out of the TARDIS, slamming the door behind you, and exited your room toward the kitchen to actually put away all of your groceries you left on the counter. You didn’t expect to be this upset, because you always knew that this was not The Master’s home. He would always want to go back to space and back to traveling, but you hoped that after this past month, he would appreciate your time together over revenge.

When you packed away the last of the groceries, The Master softly trudged into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table with his head down. You hopped up onto the kitchen counter and swung your legs back and forth, waiting for The Master to speak first.

“An alarm went off in the TARDIS. The Doctor was trying to hack into the console. Probably to see what you were up to because you haven’t been responding to her texts.” His voice was soft but agitated, you could tell that he wasn’t mad at you, it was because of The Doctor.

“I’ve been talking to everyone else, I just don’t want to talk to her. Do you fix everything?”

“Yeah.” He nobbed then looked to you, “I might have to monitor it every once in a while, just so you know.” You nodded and told him that you understood, even though you feared that he might leave.

“We are still going to the dinner party, though.”

“Ugh!!! What? I don’t want to go!” You laughed after successfully distracting The Master from The Doctor.

“You have to, though!”

“But why?” He quickly moved from his seat to leaning his hands on the kitchen counter, trapping you between his arms. His chocolate eyes were pleading that you would change your mind, but you didn’t.

“Because you have to pretend to be Human, Master, and Humans go to parties thrown by their coworkers.” The Master groaned and fell forward to lean his head on your shoulder.

“But you said that I can just call them and say that I’m sick. His voice was muffled, but you eventually made out what he was saying.

“Yeah, but you did that the last two times you were invited. You can’t do that three times in a row. It’s just rude.” The Master sighed into your neck, then eventually moved to look at you again.

“Fine, I’ll go. But only if you wear something scandalous!” The Master smirked hopefully, but you jokingly pushed The Master away from you, giving him a curt “no” before dragging him back to your room to get changed.

You ended up wearing a suit similar to the one you wore to Barton’s party, but with more purple, thanks to The Master and his TARDIS. The Master wore purple corduroy pants with a soft sweater vest and black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Not surprisingly, The Master took longer to get ready than you did. It was funny how anxious he became when he had to impress other people while pretending to be a Human. However, he would never admit to this.

The Master convinced you to use a vortex manipulator he had stowed away deep in his TARDIS to travel to the dinner party, but only if the pair of you travel back in a cab or uber on the way back.

The pair of you appeared about a block away from The Master’s boss’s home, so the two of you could walk to the front door without other guests seeing the alien technology.

You walked with your arm curled around The Master’s, who kept his hands in his pockets out of nervousness. You rang the doorbell and a man wearing a unique waistcoat quickly opened the door. He was already very drunk, sloshing around a half filled glass of champagne, and was grinning like a maniac. He laughed, seemingly at nothing, then bellowed a loud “hello, come inside! Grab a drink!” The pair of you apprehensively looked toward each other, then slowly walked past the very drunk man and into the home.

The home of The Master’s Human boss seemed to be owned by someone who was older than the person The Master described. It was filled with rugs and doilies and random nick nacks of animals dressed in cottegecore like clothing. The home, in general, was covered in an alarming amount of mustard yellow colored things and there were many hand crocheted blankets on armchairs and sofas. Suddenly, The Master’s boss came over to the pair of you, calling his alias name. He was just as The Master described, middle aged and bored of his wife.

“So you do have a significant other after all, Owen!” 

“Yes, I do, sir.”

“But good for you, Owen, they are very pretty!” The headmaster of the school leered at you, thinking that he was smooth. You rejected the leer and curled into The Maser, causing the headmaster to cough awkwardly. “We all thought that you were making them up and that was why you refused to come to our dinner parties. ”

“No, I’m afraid that I’m just not a party person, sir.”

“I had to pressure him to come, I’m afraid.” You eventually managed to bolt into the conversation, most of which The Master’s boss liked to dominate.

“And we are glad that you did, sweetheart!” The headmaster placed a sweaty hand on your shoulder and squeezed, while smiling a creepy smile at you. He eventually left to talk to more guests, so you turned to try and calm The Master down. Throughout the conversation you could feel how tense and angry he was coming at the idea of not being able to retaliate.

You suggested that the two of you should get some food and drinks then retreat to a secluded corner of the home. Eventually, The Master did start cheering up, just from the two of you talking. But then the headmaster’s wife, who was even more drunk than the man who opened the door, came barrelling out of the kitchen threatening to sing her favourite show tunes. 

All of the other drunk individuals were raucously telling her to start singing. You felt The Master shift beside you and you saw him pull out his TCE from his pocket. You tried to non verbally tell The Master to stop doing whatever he was planning, but he was only focused on the light hanging above the headmaster’s wife.

“Don’t.” You finally said, but he did. The Master used his TCE to break a light bulb from across the room. The wife of The Master’s boss screamed in surprise. You glared at The Master while he tried to hide his smirk. 

“Why did you do that?” The Master snorted, unable to keep himself from laughing.

“Why not? This evening has been incredibly boring and some people need to learn to not touch what isn’t theirs.” You couldn’t disagree, it was a boring evening and his coworkers were annoying, but then you saw that a shard or the light bulb lodged itself into the wife’s fleshy arm, and that was too far. You also knew that was adding to The Master’s laughter.

“I think we should leave.” You were stern in your statement, causing The Master’s smirk to crumble. He nodded silently then held out his hand for you to take. You did take his hand, but coldly, before The Master led you through the house and let The Master explain to his boss for your departure. Once outside, you let go of The Master’s hand and he silently called an uber.

The two of you rod back to your apartment in an uber, not speaking to one another or the driver. You only spoke to give a quick “thank you” to the driver when they dropped you off at your apartment, but other than that, the pair of you still did not speak. The Master walked up to your apartment building faster than you, and opened all of the locked doors with his TCE so you didn’t have to. The two of you remained silent while you got ready for bed and changed into your matching purple pajamas. 

“I love you, but please don’t do that again. Especially because your boss’s wife didn't do anything to us.” The Master turned to see you already in bed and moving the blankets to welcome him in. He loved that even though you were upset, you still always thought of him. He wished that he was more like you.

“She was annoying, though.” The Master was trying to make you laugh, but you just glared back. The Master moved to join you in bed.“I’m sorry. I won't do it again, I promise.” You thanked him for making that promise, then wished him a good night. 

You had gone to sleep rather quickly, especially because the day was so tiring, but The Master didn’t have the same luck. You woke up in the middle of the night, originally to get some water from your kitchen, but you were distracted when you saw the light cascading out for the open wardrobe in front of your bed. You then noticed that The Master wasn’t beside you. You slowly crawled out of bed and snuck through the TARDIS doors and saw The Master working away at the TARDIS console again.

“What are you doing up? You should be asleep. You have a big day tomorrow!” The Master seemed shocked and genuinely worried about you, but he was still trying to deflect from being caught again.

“Couldn’t I say the same for you?”

“Yes, but I’m a Timelord an I-”

“Don’t need to sleep as much as I do. I know, Master, you say that all the time. I just don’t understand why you can’t stay the night in bed with me like you have been. I sleep better with you beside me.” The Master nodded and followed you back to bed without a fuss. Once in bed, The Master opened his arms for you to cuddle into his chest. 

In the middle trying to fall asleep, you mumbled out “You never told me that thing you wanted to tell me from a couple of weeks ago..”

“It can wait, my love.” Even The Master sounded tired.

“Are you sure? I know that you said that it wasn’t anything too serious, but-”

“Y/N, trust me. What I have to tell you is serious, but not in the way that you think. I just want to make the moment special, so it can wait.” You sleeping mumbled an “okay” and nuzzled into The Master’s neck, making him smile. He really was treasuring his time with you, especially because he knew that it was going to end soon. So he had to make any moment count.

#doctor who #doctor who x reader #doctor who imagine #the master #the master x reader #the master imagine #dhawan!master x reader #dhawan!master #dhawan!master imagine #sacha dhawan #personal post #fanfiction

[wecantseeyou]

a word on color - how line of duty series 6 uses wardrobe color to frame narrative (pt 3)

Author’s note: this is Part 3 of this essay. For Part 1, read here, and for Part 2, read here. I apologize for the mad low-quality screen grabs in these posts, but the streams I have access to are not good, and the BBC makes it damn hard to use a VPN to access content. This part covers episode 4, because it’s already clocking in at 3k words (and the whole thing is over 10k). Will do my level best to have an analysis of 5 and 6 done by tonight’s episode, but timezones are a bitch. Again, American here and therefore likely missing cultural context. Also again, fully unedited.

Thank you for so many kind words on the other posts. Anticipate a conclusion of sorts to this essay on Monday (if I can get my hands on a stream quickly).

EPISODE 4

Episode 4 opens in the middle of our favorite type of scene - an MIT briefing. With Buckells’ arrest, Jo has been made acting DSI, and she makes her debut in a navy suit with a green sweater over a grey shirt. She notes that they have to consider evidence trails that have been overlooked, and as she says they have to look at a potential burglary, note the cut to Ryan. Jo then invites Kate, wearing her now classic orange and navy striped sweater and navy suit, up to go over the information recovered from the missing files regarding the robbery. After the briefing, Kate asks to look more at the firearms used in the robbery that derailed the Banks arrest, which Jo agrees to and offers to file the correct paperwork. 

Jo’s outfit in this scene is indicative of the truth behind her actions. The score and framing of the shots in this scene are intentionally made to make the viewer suspicious of Jo, but in reality the suspicion should fall on Ryan. Despite the danger to herself, Jo is encouraging the transition of the inquiry toward the robbery because she knows there is a thread of truth there. One could assume she has no choice but to continue down this path because of AC-12’s investigation into Buckells, but given her position of authority she could have continued to stonewall the investigation and didn’t. While she may be forced to interfere later, she’s setting the MIT investigator’s on the right path.

Kate’s outfit, per usual, plays into her combined desire for justice and her allegiance to Jo. She’s a good detective - she knows there’s a connection between the botched robbery and Gail’s murder, and she knows it’s the firearms. Jo also demonstrates that she’s on the straight and narrow by generating the action, further confirming to Kate that she was right about her boss. 

Next, we see Ryan the Bent Bastard Pilkington watching Jo walk into work, a mirror of the multiple instances in previous episodes when Jo was watching Kate. The audience is supposed to make this connection, of course, to play into suspicions against Jo, but there is a key difference here. Jo actually sees Ryan watching her - he wants her to see it. When Jo was watching Kate, she always made sure to look away, even when Kate had clearly seen her. Those looks weren’t a threat - they were Jo wrestling with something, which we begin to see more clearly in this episode. 

Donned in her best blue coat and a blue scarf, Kate meets Hastings to discuss Pilkington. Ted wants to bring him in immediately, but Kate doesn’t think it’s time yet and convinces him not to. They briefly discuss her move to MIT and how his behavior affected her decision to transfer, which she admits is true. Up to series 5, Kate tends to have a fairly black and white morality with a very strong sense of justice. It’s what makes her such a good undercover operative. It’s why she can have the moral high ground in her conversation with Ted and he agrees with her - she’s often right.

AC-12 interviews Buckells, and because Jo has expertly taken advantage of his vices, ambition, and stupidity, the former DSI is arrested for perverting the course of justice. (By the by, this is an incredible legal term, much better than obstruction of justice, the US term.) Steve, as always, pushes him hard, but doesn’t seem to fully buy into everything he’s being accused of. This is actually shown in his outfit, a grey suit with white shirt and green tie. The green tie, while a cool color, shows that he is not fully aligned with AC-12 in this moment. 

We see this disagreement spelled out in the narrative text immediately afterward. Kate and Steve meet at night in a car park, and Steve shares his belief that Buckells isn’t the man they're after. Kate disagrees, believing that Buckells plays the stupid card on purpose. Steve also floats his suspicions about Jo again, which Kate quickly shoots down. Steve thinks Jo is manipulating Kate and pulling the wool over her eyes, but Kate thinks it’s Steve who might be reading too much into things. Steve is in the same outfit he wore during the Buckells interview, and Kate is in her navy coat. In this case, Steve’s outfit represents his disagreement both with AC-12’s view of Buckells and with Kate’s view of Jo. Meanwhile Kate’s outfit represents her surety that Buckells is bent and Jo is anything but. 

Later, Kate and Lomax go over the firearms reports between the robbery and Gail's murder. They believe the guns were workshopped, and are therefore untraceable, but Kate has an idea: talk to one of the robbers about their guns. Kate’s genius is on full display, putting her on the path toward the truth, and her outfit reflects that: a navy suit with a blue shirt buttoned all the way up.

Kate, still in her all blue ensemble, and Lomax interview one of the suspects from the armed robbery at the bookie about the firearms they used, and discover the boys were offered a set of workshopped guns that they refused. To Kate, this confirms an OCG connection between Gail Vella’s murder and the armed robbery. Jo, dressed in a grey suit and black turtleneck, watches the interview from another room, anxiety plain on her face.

That anxiety stays on Jo’s face all the way through to when she’s peering through the bushes by Farida’s house, where Steve rolls up to chat with Chloe in a navy suit. Chloe shares that forensics have picked up many DNA samples from Farida’s home and are sure to have results soon. I genuinely can’t make out what Jo is wearing in this scene, so I won’t jump to conclusions and analyze further.

After visiting the crime scene at Farida’s, Jo returns to her home in a grey coat, yellow sweatshirt, and red shirt. As she sits at her table, she removes a blue scarf from around her neck. She checks the OCG messaging service from her last message, and is worried by the lack of response. Her desperation gets the better of her - she wants out. She angrily says so, and when there’s no response throws the laptop to the floor.

The choice to put a blue scarf on Jo that she removes is a very deliberate act. As she shits down at the computer, Jo must put away her true nature and her good heart to engage with the OCG. She is literally removing her sense of justice, leaving only her corrupt actions - the yellow sweatshirt and the red shirt. But there she sits, in her blue-draped home. Trying to push her true self away is not enough - her heart wins in the end. She can’t keep betraying herself and the people she cares about anymore.

But she knows it isn’t that easy.

Meanwhile, AC-12 calls Kate in to update her on surveillance placed on Ryan Pilkington, who is following Jo. This startles Kate, and tells them she was with Jo at the time Ryan was following her. This piques Steve's interest, but he doesn’t immediately comment on it. He does however suggest Ryan is actually meeting with Jo, not spying on her, but Kate shoots him down again. "You got evidence of that?" she asks. This hostility toward her former partner catches Ted's interest. Kate thinks they should warn Jo about it, but Hastings disagrees because they lack information and doesn’t want to risk tipping off Jo if she and Ryan are working together. 

The clothes in these AC-12 team meetings are interesting, because they place both Kate and Steve on the side of truth. Kate in her blue jacket and grey shirt, Steve in his navy suit and grey shirt. They’re wearing mirroring costumes in part to highlight their disagreement - visually connecting them in the face of their growing tension about Jo’s loyalties. But their coordinated looks also serve another purpose: they’re both right. Yes, Jo is working with Ryan in the sense that Ryan is present at MIT to intimidate Jo into continuing to do the OCG’s bidding. And no, Jo isn’t bent, at least not intentionally - there is goodness in her heart despite the ways in which her actions have gone against that, and Ryan is a threat to her well-being. Our favorite detectives may be at odds, but at the end of the day they’re on the same page.

There are a number of Steve scenes here, but all you really need to know is that he’s going to save the world via waistcoat.

Kate following Hastings’ instructions last about as long as it talks the gaffer to say ‘I’m in the business of nicking bent coppers.’ She and Lomax inform Jo about the results of the interview with the armed robbery suspect, who described seeing weapons like the one that killed Gail Vella at the workshop. Kate dismisses Chris, and speaks to Jo on her own, and interestingly specifies that it isn't personal, it's work. She mentions her apprehension about Ryan, and warns Jo that Ryan has been spying on her. Jo asks how she knows, and Kate, the good UCO she is, lies and tells her she saw him at the pub herself. Kate implores Jo to be careful and heed her warning about Ryan, saying, "look Jo, I don't want to worry you, but it's a trust issue." Cue Jo putting her hand on Kate's arm in a callback to the handhold (which Kate reciprocated). Before we can really see Kate's reaction, she pulls back as officers approach where they’re standing.

Despite Kate directly contradicting AC-12’s orders concerning warning Jo, her navy suit and blue shirt tell us that she’s doing what she believes is right. As we’ve seen time and again, Kate doesn’t believe that Jo is bent and that Ryan is a threat to her safety, and as I’ve discussed before, she is right. Her decision to tell Jo also gives her an out - one which Jo attempts to use later, with sadly no success. Jo’s black turtleneck and grey jacket both shows how Kate has misinterpreted Jo’s relation to Ryan (though not his threat), and the conniving part of her personality. Jo is an incredibly calculating individual, and she knows Kate has just given her an excuse to get rid of Ryan, both helping herself and keeping up appearances that she isn’t associated with the OCG. 

A quick word on the arm touch here - Jo is again doing two things here. Jo is walking doublespeak. Her words have two meanings, her clothes have two meanings, her actions have two meanings. The arm touch is a nonverbal thank you to Kate for telling her. It’s also the first act of intimacy between the two women since Jo began to pull away after the reservoir incident. This is Jo offering an olive branch for a problem Kate isn’t even fully aware exists. 

Immediately after Jo and Kate’s conversation, we see Jo sitting in her office, watching Ryan. She calls him in, and lets him know that she's going to have to let him go due to budgetary constraints, though she'll keep his commendation originally from Buckells. As I mentioned before, Jo saw Kate's information about Ryan to be a way to get rid of him, both protecting herself and validating her in Kate’s eyes. But of course, nothing is that simple. He gives the most chilling look back at her, calm as can be, and thanks her. 

Kate looks on, and reassures Jo with a nod that she's done the right thing, which the boss tentatively returns. Kate is pleased because Jo listened to her warnings, but Jo is terrified because whatever she knows she’s made a mistake.

Back in AC-12 land, Chloe and Steve interview Jimmy Lakewell, who agrees to be an informant. Cue the OCG ambush and Steve sniping someone from several stories up with just a handgun while laying down (I don’t usually have to suspend my disbelief quite so much for this show…). There isn’t much to say about this part beyond Steve wearing the traditional AC-12 cool tones.

Later, Jo returns home for the night, still dressed in a grey suit jacket and black turtleneck, and just as she’s about to walk in, the Bent Bastard puts a gun to the back of her head. “It’s that easy, Jo.” This is the first time the audience directly sees the threat to life that Jo is under from the OCG. Before this, we’ve mostly just seen the consequences to her personal life, through Farida, and her clear discomfort with her own actions. Now we see what actually makes her so fearful, the reason for car park panic attacks and 5 locks on the door - if she doesn’t do the OCG’s bidding, she will die. 

It’s the confirmation the show has been teasing all through this point, in Jo’s clothes and apartment, but intentionally obfuscating through tense music cues and intimidating camera angles. Jo is not bent because she’s a bad person - she’s doing bent things to save her own life.

Back at the Hill, Jo is waiting outside for Kate to come in. She’s standing above Kate on the stairs wearing a grey coat, navy suit, and grey turtleneck. Kate approaches wearing a cream sweater and her navy coat She asks for an update on the armed robbery inquiry, which hasn’t progressed particularly far. Kate takes the opportunity to ask about Ryan, and Jo tries to tell her he's fine and that there aren’t any OCG links. When Kate pushes, Jo threatens the DI by mentioning her own suspicious behavior when it came to the incident at the reservoir. "Drop it, Kate. That's an order."

This scene is notable in a few ways. First, this is the second time where Kate and Jo have disagreed and Jo has pulled rank to end the discussion. The first time was after the Terry Boyle interview where he nearly revealed who the real killer of Gail Vella was. In both instances, Jo knows Kate was on the right track but uses her position as the boss to stop her. This is quite different from the Jo who wants to see Kate at the weekend. Second, I want to comment on the camera work here. When the two meet on the stairs and discuss the firearms tracking, they remain in the same shot walking together. Once Kate brings up Ryan, they stop walking and move into over the shoulder framing. This serves to visually represent the way tension is increasing in Jo and Kate’s relationship. When we first met them, they moved together, often in sync (“great minds”). Now, we more frequently see the shots separating the two women, showing the growing distance resulting from Jo’s actions and Kate’s instincts. (COVID-19 shooting protocols probably also add to this, but we can’t theorize otherwise because we don’t know how the look of the show would’ve been under different circumstances.)

The other thing to note here is, of course, the wardrobe choice. Now, one would expect that as the tension grows between the two women and Jo continues to put walls up to distance herself from Kate, their wardrobes would reflect that. And in some smaller moments, they do. But for the most part their wardrobes when together remain much the same. In fact, this scene puts Jo in a very similar turtleneck to the one she wears in her first scene with Kate, and Kate is wearing the exact same yellowish sweater. Jo, dressed in cool tones again, is playing the part of the bent cop, keeping Ryan in MIT and threatening Kate. But as we know, there’s more to this than meets the eye. She’s keeping Ryan around after he threatened to kill her, and she’s threatening Kate to keep her away from Ryan - to protect her, in Jo’s own twisted way. Meanwhile, Kate is concerned for Jo’s safety, clearly evident in her just barely warm toned sweater, but she’s confused because she knows for a fact that Ryan is bent - why would Jo keep the man who’s been following her around? What is she missing? This detective’s instinct in Kate, the one that tells her Jo is good and not bent but something is wrong, is encapsulated in that navy coat, the uniform of AC-12.

We then see another piece of the puzzle that the show has been hinting at for some time, though is still not revealed in this episode. Chloe comes to Steve with the DNA results from Farida Jatri’s house and she’s confused. Steve, dressed in his level best navy suit, light blue shirt, and red tie, reads on and a look of shock comes over his face. Going slightly out of order in what is the final scene of the episode, Steve and Chloe bring this news to Hastings and it’s revealed that Jo’s DNA was a partial match for another DNA sample, one of a known criminal. Thus it’s revealed that Jo Davidson is in it a little deeper than anyone could have suspected.

The preceding scene is at the Hill, where we see Jo standing outside looking off into the middle distance with a blank stare. She’s wearing an outfit we’ve seen her in numerous times so far, perhaps most notably with Kate for the first ‘date’ at Frederico’s - a navy suit with an orangish brown sweater. She seems lost in thought when the door opens and Pilkington walks out to her. He asks if he’s heard the news about the dead inmate at Blackthorn prison - James Lakewell. A look of recognition passes her face as she asks, “What was the cause of death?" And in a truly terrifying callback to episode 2, Ryan responds, "Being a rat, ma'am." 

Now, this threat from Ryan is interesting. It’s the second threat in as many scenes between the two, and it’s quite a bit different from a gun to the head. Obviously, Ryan is playing the role of the dutiful OCG plant, an ever-present eye on Jo’s actions, but the fact that he’s warning Jo against being a rat specifically raises an eyebrow. Though we don’t have immediate textual evidence here, and neither does Jo, I actually think this is a warning about her relationship with Kate. We see this fairly clearly in the next episode with the OCG’s fear of AC-12’s investigation and Kate’s role in it, and I think Jo suspects much the same. In the next episode, Jo is not merely distant with Kate, she’s openly hostile to her more than once. She isn’t just stepping away from Kate, she’s full on pushing her away. I believe that has to do with this warning from Ryan - she can’t let her relationship with Kate put her life in danger, and she can’t let Kate fall into the same fate.

This explains many of her actions in episode 5, and the central dilemma that leads to the fateful lorry park.

#line of duty #steve arnott #jo davidson #kate fleming #flemson #kate x jo #lod spoilers #line of duty spoilers

[punsandfuturekingsmen-archive]

//If you go to read this, also consider reading Splatter’s original version here!

A lot of the events are very much the same as they are in that piece, and the dialogue parts are pretty much word for word since it’s from Splatterlewis’s perspective! I just added a bit from Arthur near the end and here and there, and just played around with describing things haha.

~

He thought that might be the end of it, or at least he thought he knew what to expect next, given his own history with his own Lewis.

So when the next flash didn’t involve trucks or fights with tree yokai, he felt confusion fuzz at the corners of his brain. No… it was somewhere deep and dark. He wandered in some kind of stupor, filled to the brim with a hundred thoughts and feelings, all of them cutting at his skin like knives and a rage that continued to burn in his chest. The rest was vague to leave an impression, but it still stabbed at him as he stumbled along.

But even in the haze he wandered in, he noticed when something began to stalk him from the shadows. The signs of their presence were clear: the area seemed to shift green and bleed it from the earth and sky. Smoke filled every nick and cranny, thick enough to choke on by any who might need to breathe.

He felt himself pulled from the daze with a snap. Something about the spirit set off alarm bells in his mind and left the hairs on his arms and neck standing on end. The smoke and the green consumed everything, the shade just right to remind him of somewhere else. His brain fired on all cylinders, trying to remember anything Vivi might have said that could help him. All that came to him was that this was something powerful. Something dangerous.

He still couldn’t see it in the smoke, but he could feel the weight of its presence. He called out for it, shouting into the green void an almost challenge. Seeing the cave’s greens made him wonder, and he asked if it came to finish what was left of him. The cry reverberated around him in the emptiness, seeming to ricochet off smoke.

The feeling of something dangerous grew stronger, rocking against him like a crescendo in a song mourning his end. But he didn’t want to end here, and his hands ignited with shimmering violet-pink flames. His eyes darted around the whole of the place, searching for movement.

A laugh alerted him, though the aura of power from the thing that found him might have done just the same if it hadn’t. A voice old as time and antique in accent spoke. The tone was something that itched at his skin..

       “Boy, I have never met you… Lewis, is it? Such a lovely name, for a lovely soul… So full of fire, of power, and rage. Why would I wish to drive you to hell, when you are the key to my freedom?”

He could feel himself heating up. The fires in his hand seemed to brighten until they blurred the air at the edges of each flame. His hair felt warmer, and shades of pink glistened and reflected off green smoke from where it was now glimmering, ready to ignite.

A clarity struck him, that this was not what he’d met before. It was something greater.

“Show yourself!” He called for the thing, teeth flashing in a grimace. Anger bubbled at the notion of being scared by this thing. By it trying to intimidate him. He was not about to lose, not after everything he had gone through.

But then they obliged.

The skeleton that moved into view was verdant, a hue of green that was deep and dark. Scant remains of decaying flesh still hung from putrid bones, and each piece that lingered had names endlessly scrawled, carved and etched into every inch of skin until they nearly lost meaning, but did not overlap. A cloth kilt and robes hung from its form and swayed with the steps it took, barely clinging to the emaciated remains of the creature and worn in places to threads.

On the head of the skull was a carving. One that recognition pricked at him distantly for. It was the one he’d seen on Lewis’s head for years. But this one, blackened as char and cracked, seemed to give off a shadowy aura, absorbing the light to nothing around it in way that made it seem to glow. It had never looked like that on Splatter. Or… not that he knew of. But what did he really know?

The memory seized him again. “Such a demanding tone, for someone about to lose their soul… You have a fire in you, a fire I need. And you will give it, aye?”

He felt a flash of pride, or protective fury, and he pointed to the creature with a fist wreathed in fire and a glare Mrs. Pepper would have been proud of (the thought hurt as it struck him).  “You can never have my soul, I refuse. No one can have it!”

The skeleton moved in a way that divulged something of its thought of what he had said, but he didn’t have the moment to process it. The corruption that hung in the air seemed to thicken and shift, forming blade-sharp arrows, tainted and green. He barely moved out of the way as they streaked by. A few sliced holes in his already damaged shirt, a testament to how close they managed to get to striking him.

With a growl that twisted his face in a snarl, he returned fire. But as the flames blasted over the creature, it stood there, taking the attack without flinching. It laughed, even at it stumbled back from the force, seeming wholly unfazed.

The shock after seeing what his fire could do held him still, and it was enough for a return blast from the skeleton to strike true. The bolt crashed against his chest, the pain hard and heavy and making him double over with a wheeze. He gasped for breath as if he needed it, clutching at his bruised chest and stomach.

The creature seemed amused and its tone held danger, a promise of a cruel fate. “You have no idea who you fight, boy…. In life, centuries and centuries ago, I was once known as Professor Hean Feramin. A genius of studies of names and their power and origins, as well as medical studies… But now, in death, I am known as ‘The Splatter Man’… Do you have any idea the number of people I have killed? The souls I have claimed and the power I wield…? The hordes of monsters that followed me, and respected me, their king?!”

It laughed again, something deeper, and with a flare of green smoke, a quill formed that he took between thumb and forefinger. It twirled with a flourish as it brought a skeletal hand up as if to write on a chalkboard, stroking the tip of the quill against the empty air.

Where it scratched, letters formed, Large and flamboyant in a way letters often were when they began a chapter of a book, like fanciful olden English. Each letter that adorned the air became red, droplets of it falling off and towards the ground.

L.

His head began to spin, and he stumbled.

E.

W.

He didn’t realize when he hit his knees, but he was on them now, the energy to return to one knee felt like it took all he had. His stomach lurched and a sense of exhaustion burned at his eyes.

The Splatter Man held the quill as if poised for the next letter, but instead he twisted the quill against his palm and crushed it to nothing, blood dripping from his hand where it had been before fading.

Hands laced behind his back, the Splatter Man approached. He could see even more names along the pallid skin, burned in or cut in jagged lines. The skin on his face was gone, and he could see fire-red embers aglow in the sockets, sizing him up. He felt something touch his feet. Something scaly and thick, and the sound of hissing told him what it was.

“Are you starting to understand? I can use your name against you, I can learn any name by staring… And everyone’s’ name holds their soul, their strength… And can be manipulated… Hold still now, and welcome the warm embrace of death. You will free me from this prison.”

He was down on his knee, fighting for that will to stand again, hissing through his teeth at The Splatter Man. He could feel blood soaking the tatters of his shirt, spilling red in thick rivers from what once had been the scars of his death. They were open now, weeping blood until he was slick with it. Weakness had sunk into his bones. His thoughts slipped to his name, but they quickly snapped back as a boney hand found the front of his shirt, gripping the fabric tight. He was sure of one thing.

The Splatter Man was preparing for the kill.

The thought ended nearly the moment the hand lifted, hoisting him easily into the air.  He gagged, choked on blood and agony, and looked down at The Splatter Man, panic seeping in and turning everything icy. He was aloft, feet not touching the ground.

Fear crept along his spine. A fear he’d only felt once before.

It made him sick.

He could hear the way a smugness threaded the chuckle of the Splatter Man. He watched, limp in his hold as his free hand twisted, and a dagger formed, hilt curled perfectly to his hand. The gemstones along the hilt glittered with the green light, and the runes also etched almost seemed to glow in their reflections.

He realized what the intention was, when the dagger raised back with the hand.

It came forward at an unnatural speed, piercing his chest over his heart so hard he felt sure he was about to cave inwards. He screamed, screamed as he felt like he was being torn asunder, screaming louder than he thought himself capable. Blood seeped around the blade and it ripped another cry from hi as the dagger twisted, cutting deeper, opening the wound ever further. His chest was on fire and his voice gave out as his scream reached a climax, even his own ears ringing with the sound. The tendrils of corruption magic began to ebb towards the new wound, and he felt slithering along his clothing, before seeing the snakes he’d only heard and felt. They also pressed against the bleeding wound in his chest, and a sound escaped as it seared, the curls of his shirt at the edge of the blade blackening from the heat.

“Ah, you have some fight in you. Good, I will need that… You will free me from this purgatory. This prison. And I shall reclaim my throne… The death left in my wake will be unlike anything this world has ever seen, and you will help me, boy. Your essence will be mine.”

The torture burning him turned to lava, melting through the wound and his veins and then melting down to the organs and viscera. The sounds he thought he would make were gone now, rendered to silent convulsions. He could hear something, and he swore it was his soul, creaking and shuddering as agony struck blows that threatened to crack it in pieces.

But he grit his teeth, jaw squaring, and a snarl crept along his face. He couldn’t end here. Not when…. Someone needed him. Someone….Vivi.

Vivi.

VIVI.

VIVI! HE HAD TO PROTECT HER!

HE HAD TO PROTECT ALL OF HIS FRIENDS!!

A second wind surged through him, his heart beating fast and wild as his eyes widened. Gold light reflected off the bone in front of him from them. The skeleton paused.

“NO! I SAID. THAT. I. REFUSE!!”

His fingers stiffened on one hand that he reared back with, and then he jammed it forward, letting them force their way through the bones of the Splatter Man. His fingers searched blind, until he felt something. It felt rotted, soft and dry like the withered husk of a jack-o-lantern left out far past Halloween, and his fingers squeezed it to his palm.

The Splatter Man flinched as he did, yelling himself, and then howling as his flames returned, glowing violet inside the skeleton’s chest and hungrily eating at the thing left in his hand.

The Splatter Man summoned things, things that snapped at his body and slashed at his skin. Magic that pounded against him with bruising, bone breaking force. But he didn’t let go. He didn’t falter. His eyes stayed focused on his task, and his hands stayed tight around that heart as the flames began to grow and eat. He held on, determined with every fiber of his being, fighting tooth and nail for every inch over what felt like eternity locked together.

But inch by inch he gained traction, pushed further. The Splatter man’s eyes widened, a grimace taking it and a trickle of fear seemed to stitch itself to the edges of his expression. He could hear it in his voice, the slightest way it quavered even with his anger.

“What the hell are you doing?! You will destroy us BOTH YOU FOOL! What is keeping you from giving up the ghost?!”

He ignored him, hissing in his fury like a skillet of oil. His fire crackled and popped within the other, and he grabbed the Splatter Man’s wrist with the hand not in his chest, holding tight. His voice was a battle cry.

“Because I have REASONS TO COME BACK! I will use YOU!”

His hand on that rest continued to move, shooting forwards at lightning speed. He dug his fingers into the bone of the skull in front of him, grip crushing and bones creaking at the sutures. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he held on, and pulled at the energy of the Splatter Man.

The Splatter Man seemed to realize what was trying to do nearly the moment he started, and he tried to pull back, retreat with fervor. The blade in Lewis’s chest came out, spraying them both with red so red it was black and bright red from the arteries and purple that glowed. It all saturated their clothing until they dripped with his blood. But he didn’t falter. Didn’t once blink.

Well. Lewis didn’t falter. He probably would have.

The Splatter Man screeched.

“Release me!”

“Never.”

The fire in the Splatter Man’s was glowing brighter, white hot as it lashing out in heated waves like solar flares. The skeleton screeched, something high pitched and bone grinding, and he just leaned closer feeling vitality running through him, strengthening him.

He screamed one last time, and then his skull gave way beneath Lewis’s other hand, crumpling inwards like dried paper beneath a vise grip.

Purple and green light flashed, and Lewis fell the short drop to his feet, and then his knees. He panted for breath, clutching his chest, but watched with a sense of satisfaction as the skeleton crumbled, falling to pieces on the earth in front of him, a hallowed husk.

But with that power came a price, and he could see it seeping into the tips of his fiery hair, that curved just over his eyes. What had been pale shades of embery pink was now shifted, flickering green. Thoughts were flicking through his head over what the Splatter Man had meant and triumph at defeating him, even if he was exhausted by the effort. He could feel the power now, pulsing through himself.

Clambering to his feet, he rubbed at his face, before looking up, and seeing the same emblem that had adorned the skull of The Splatter Man, hovering in the air. It still glowed as it seemed to hum, before it arced forward, making him jump. It slammed against his forehead and he screamed as it burned, melting, burning through his flesh and then further into the bone of his skull and just a little further still until the imprint was etched into him, unmistakable for what it was. It continued to burn and burn and tear at him and—

Arthur woke up screaming, hand going to his forehead and chest where blood had started streaming down the side of his face and torso, down along his side where he was still pressed into the grass. His fingers turned slick as he held them against his forehead and shirt and he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking so hard he convulsed where he lay.

He couldn’t die. But at this point he almost wished he could.

#tw injury #tw blood #drabble #the splatter man scene #arthur speaks #ic #M!A: Memory Pain #aaaa this fought me which is sad because i had the original to reference a lot jdjdjdj #but well i did ittttaaaa #splatterlewis mention #long post #and now at least a short nap jdjdj maybe a full rest #we shall see

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Bluegrass-Chapter Seven

                     My biggest thanks to @statell​ for making my stories flow

Previous chapters at AO3

Chapter Seven (NSFW)

Jamie held Claire against his chest and stroked her back not wanting to disrupt the magic of their afternoon but realizing certain things needed to be said before they could move on… namely, Isobel.

“Lass, there is much to say before we paint our own picture of the future. Are ye ready to hear it or maybe I can interest ye in some magic tricks?”

He grabbed her waist making her shriek and giggle.

“I can hear your stomach growling you poor man. I have very comfortable chairs in the kitchen where you can talk while I make us some dinner.” She looked at his beautiful eyes. “It’s what I prefer. And we will be dining in clothes in case the teenagers come back.”

Claire busied herself with cooking while Jamie explained how he and Isobel came to Kentucky, heavily financed by her father. He described his devastation over Isobel’s pregnancy and how she lost the baby in a riding accident.

Claire asked questions about how long they had been here and what type of recovery she had. She wanted to ask where they buried the baby but decided against it. She already knew Isobel had lied about being pregnant. She went to sit in Jamie’s lap so she could look him in the eye when she told him the truth.

“I will always tell you the truth Jamie, even when it’s none of my business. Isobel was never pregnant.”

“I wondered that m’self, and I’m happy ye told me, lass.”

He explained their absolute incompatibility and Isobel’s refusal to go back to Scotland without her half of the money and her father paid off.

“This is very good spaghetti Sassenach, thank you.”

Claire would prefer one bite, then a kiss, but she didn’t know how much affection Jamie was comfortable with. It was enough to look in his eyes, touch his hand or arm, and listen to his voice.

“Lass?”

Claire’s eyes shot up to his, “Hmm?”

“I want to be clear Sassenach. When I kissed ye today, my heart belonged to no one but you and it ne’er will again.” He touched her cheek and saw her doubtful eyes flash for just a moment.

“Ye wonder, lass, how I could know this? My mother told me so,” he said chuckling. “She raised me to know my heart, always and told me my head would lie to me but never my heart. It was a rare question she would ask that my head could answer alone, always pulling me back to my truth she would say,” he put a hand to his chest.

Claire saw his eyes get red and jumped in his lap, kissing his face until he claimed her mouth and wiped all thoughts from her mind.

Jamie could feel her emotion change from worry to surrender when he kissed her and it thrilled him to the bone. She was so responsive to his touch, so willing to change the direction of her thoughts and join his, wherever his were going. He had not experienced this level of surrender before. When the Dunsany sisters acted this way it was no more than a trick to get what they wanted and often it left a wound. Not Claire. She was absent of guile or manipulation and coexisted with others to share happiness, or help, or learn.

He felt her hands under his shirt, sliding up his back, coming around to pinch his nipple. She lifted his shirt over his head and kissed his chest everywhere. Jamie’s hands pulled her hips to him until she was sitting right over his erection. She moaned and moved her hips over him.

“Can we table this discussion for a bit lass?”

Jamie stood holding her against him and carried her back to her bed. He laid on his back and let Claire continue the hip movements while he watched her growing arousal play out on her face. He couldn’t look away as her body took control of her mind and she ground down on him until her eyes no longer focused.

Jamie was speechless watching this erotic beauty use his bulge to seek an overwhelming pleasure. The layers of clothing between them seemed to make no difference as she slid her pussy up and down him, side to side over the head of his cock which she could clearly feel as she went back to it several times. He pulled her shirt off without her noticing because she was lost in her lust, grinding, sliding, and bumping. She fell forward panting, hands on each side of his head while she tried to catch her breath. Jamie pulled a nipple into his mouth while his hands pulled her hips back to their task.

Claire loosened his belt and pants and told him to push them down. He complied until her hands stopped him with his jeans mid-thigh down. She had captivated his mind and corralled his raging lust. She was in control and let him know when her cheek softly pushed up the length of him, brushing her wet lips over his head that was purple and pulsing. When she opened her mouth and slowly descended the enormous cock Jamie thought he would explode. Before he lost it down her throat he lifted her to him, holding her while he kicked out of his pants, pulling her soft leggings off with one hand.

He twisted so she was under him and slid two fingers into her, watching her gasp but she did not open her eyes, too lost in the sensation. Jamie was gripped with jealousy and unreasonable possessiveness suddenly and wanted her to look at him more than take his next breath.

“Look at me Sassenach. Yer eyes hold the honesty of yer heart and I must see them, please.”

Claire struggled to open her eyes and what he saw was the depth of erotic, sensuous love and it took his breath away.

“I want to watch you come, sweetheart, please keep them open, stay with me.”

He kissed her deeply and his tongue moved in and out of her mouth at the same rate as his fingers. Claire was hovering above a huge release, he could see it as his thumb pressed into her bud and she shattered, spinning into another dimension while he burned the image into his mind forever.

She pulled at him until he covered her, feeling the undulating muscles inside her wet body pull him in.

“Deep,” she pleaded. “Harder Jamie, don’t hold back.”

All men live with constant constraint and push back against their natural inclination to seize their desire, punch an antagonist, throw an object against the wall; possess, punch and fuck whatever is in front of them. When a woman unlocks this door of male control it is a flood gate. The raw power and arousal is expressed in a deep growl until he explodes, panting, and clutching with shaking hands. Holding her to him while he pumps into her. Claire held the key to free and unbridle his desires and it shook him to the core.

The fog lifted slowly. He felt her cool hands move up his back, pushing the hair off his face. He looked at her and felt the deepest gratitude for her love and participation in his world. He knew life would be lived to the fullest measure if she were with him. She watched his eyes and heard his plea, stay with me Claire, by whatever means necessary, stay. He knew she heard his heart and wrapped her into his cocoon while they slept.

Claire felt Jamie move deep in the night and watched him dress. She wanted to take his hand and hold him there with her but knew that was impossible.

“I will miss ye lass, sleep, knowin I love ye. It’s the two of us now. I’m releasing any obligation ye feel to ride the colt. I dinna want him to come between us. I’ll find another way to get away from the Dunsanys.”

He kissed her softly and then vanished. Claire could see the gray light in the room and knew the sun was rising as she fell back to sleep.

Angus stared at Jamie with an incredulous look and Rupert looked at the ground, hands shoved into his pockets. Jamie spoke the directive to all listening, find a rider for the colt or they would be eating out of garbage cans for the rest of the year. Nick was afraid this was coming. He sensed Jamie’s affection for Claire and it was expected at this juncture. Nick knew down to his marrow that the colt was one in a million, crippled by the tragic fear and confusion of his birth to humans, bonding with a man who hugged him with warmth and fed him warm milk, caring for him daily for two years after that.

Nick pulled Jamie out and walked him away from the stall telling the men to get Runner’s tack on and into the ring. He tried to cajole the big man as they heard the colt screaming. Jaime looked up as a white streak seemed to come out of nowhere. He heard Claire’s strong voice tell the men to unhand Runner this instant. He and Nick looked like they had seen a ghost and walked back quickly seeing men run in every direction.

Jamie came around the corner to see Claire, hands on the colt’s face, whispering her special language into his ear to calm him. She kept her hands on him and remained quiet as the colt relaxed visibly into her care. Seeing this fealty was overwhelming to Jamie and he wiped his tears with an irritated arm across his face. He made not a sound so he wouldn’t break the spell over this giant horse and tiny woman.

When Claire’s hand patted his neck the colt threw his head in the air and pawed the soft ground of his stall. She laughed at him. When she saw Jamie her first instinct was to run into his arms but she looked at her boots and then smiled at him.

“What was the head toss and whinny about Sassenach?”

“He promised I would be the winner finally as he ran across the finish line. He wants to race. That’s all, just race and beat the other horses. I’m riding.”

Jamie wrapped his arms around her and his heart felt like it would burst. He released her and studied her face, looking for fear, finding only determination.

“Okay, Sassenach, until you’re ready to stop. Okay.”

They raced the yearlings against each other on Tuesday. Midnight Runner won by several lengths as the owners and handlers crowded against the railing. Claire was scared half to death but Runner told her how much fun this would be.

Everyone knows a mock race in their home territory means little in the big picture, but Nick and Jamie knew, the big colt ran for one reason, to win.

Claire stood on her porch with a mug of coffee watching the sunrise. She hardly slept the night before thinking about the race today. The moment was suddenly real and she would gallop Runner on the track of Churchill Downs today along with twelve other jockeys who wanted the same thing, to win. She had put her silks on for the first time just yesterday and she would get her Apprentice Jockey license at the track making it official.

Claire and the colt had swapped places in the dynamic of their relationship as he was coaching and encouraging her now. He wanted to race and win every day, and today he would finally see the bigger picture. She just wanted to get him around the track, hopefully not dead last.

She remembered the sweet lips on hers when Jamie left before sun up and wanted to go back to that moment and pull him back to her, surrendering to his need for her. She jumped hearing Molly’s loud voice.

“Claire! Get dressed we have to go!”

Molly carried her silks to the truck while Claire ran inside to dress. She had boarded a runaway train when she agreed to ride the colt and it was too late for the emergency brake. Get going she told herself.

The first half of the day was full of chores, licenses, and weigh-in by a track official. When Claire was dressed in her silks it was transforming, and she took on a new identity. She was a jockey, studying the racing stats of the other horses, looking at the track to plan her break out.

Nick held Runners mouth and checked the girth and stirrups. He looked up at Claire, ready to scratch Midnight Runner if she gave any indication of changing her mind. He saw determination and readiness. He wished her luck and released Runner to be ponied to the gate by a track horse and handler.

Claire was in her calm center looking up at the famous spires of Churchill Downs, the oldest track in America and home to the Kentucky Derby. There was a minute of intense jostling before the safety doors of her slip closed behind her and then the ear-splitting ringing started and the front of the gate flew open. She barely got up off the saddle before Runner jumped out of the gate. All she could see was horse’s butts crossing in front of her, shrieking horses getting tangled up in each other. She was terrified and her ramming heart made it hard to breathe. She felt Runner get bumped hard on his right shoulder and thought they were going down, to certain death with all the hooves below. He struggled to stay up and in a huge lunging effort he was running again.

Nick had field glasses on Runner and felt his heart stop seeing the horse get hit and Claire’s terrified face. He reached out just in time to grab Jamie and stop him, pushing the glasses into his hand.

“Look Jamie, they recovered and he’s running.”

Jamie could hardly catch his breath but he searched the track until he saw her, steady, locked onto Runner, looking confident. He lowered the glasses and exhaled a long breath.

Runner tried to break out of the snarl of horses that held him back. He let Claire know his shoulder was sore but he could win if the stupid horses would get out of his way.

Claire sensed his frustration and something more. She looked at the other horses running at their top speed, nostrils flared, chests heaving, jockeys whipping. Compared to them, Runner was pacing himself just waiting for an opportunity to get out of this mess. Even though Claire promised Jamie not to give him any direction, she saw an opportunity, used the reigns to move him to the opening, and he took off, telling her to tuck closer and drop her head. She saw images of kissing his soft muzzle and knew he was telling her to trust him. She lowered herself on to him and suddenly the energy changed, the race was over.

Claire wanted to cry at the unfairness of getting boxed in. She was standing in the stirrups as Runner slowed down and the Jockeys that rode by her were saying congratulations. For what she could not imagine. She felt the reign pull out of her hands as a track handler and his horse were suddenly there to pony her in. She was so sad they lost but happy the race was over. As they were led into the corridor to the stalls she felt the cool shade of the roof and looked up to see the happy faces of Jamie and Nick. Why on earth were they so happy she wondered.

Jamie pulled Claire out of the saddle and kissed her in front of God, all the people around them, and Nick, who led the colt away to the wash rack. His kiss was restorative, energizing, and it staked his claim on her without a care of consequence. She was breathless from Jamie’s kiss but in the back of her mind, she heard him say fourth place. Then she heard Runner whinny loudly and started running for him. He stopped when he saw Claire and Jamie. He dropped his head into Jamie’s arms while Claire examined his swollen shoulder. She wanted to tell Nick about feeling his huge effort to correct his gate and keep his feet under him but in the post-race chaos, it would have to wait.

Molly and LuLu were carrying Claire’s medical footlocker which dropped to the ground so Molly could grab Claire and hug the breath out of her.

“I thought you were gonna die Claire! Promise me, no more racing!”

She put her hands on Runners face and looked into his eyes.

“You were magnificent today. Is yours the heart of a champion?”

Claire’s head filled with the image of Jamie Kissing her.

“Oh, you saw that did you? Just a victory kiss is all.”

Claire’s head then filled with multiple images of Jamie kissing her, one after another. In Runner’s stall, the aisle, beside the track, at the wash rack, in the field where they train. She rolled her eyes and nodded to Nick to keep going. Runner looked back at Claire as another picture of Jamie kissing her appeared in her head. She laughed out loud, “cheeky little bastard.”

Claire ran around until she found the three jockeys that placed ahead of her. She pumped their hand with a brilliant smile as they stared at her in confusion. Who could resist an honest smile or the hero-worship in her eyes? They eventually shook her hand back and some patted her arm a bit.

Nick had omitted any training on the other jockeys. Nor did he explain the long-standing brotherhood of professional riders that were historically resistant to opening ranks to a woman. In fact, there was a colorful history of opposing women jockeys that included a strike at the Belmont Stakes when a female jockey was chosen to ride one of the favorites. Betting had begun and the track officials were forced to scratch her and the horse. A few years later a female jockey was delivered right to the starting gate by police escort to ensure her safety.

Jamie pulled Claire to the truck and feasted on her lips when the doors were closed and his dark tinted windows protected them from view. Claire was still high from the race and his fingers touched raw nerves that shot sparks out in every direction. She gripped his shirt to bring his head closer and deepened her kiss. He pulled away panting, telling her to hold that thought, thinking about the quickest way home.

Claire was undaunted and pulled his belt loose and unzipped his jeans. She was rewarded with a hard angry cock that looked like it might slice her in half. Jamie pulled the truck on to a dirt road that provided a modicum of privacy and mounted his counterattack that ended with Claire pushing her body down on him with a deep moan from both of them. They were so constrained between the steering wheel and seat Jamie; could do nothing but cup her ass as she moved up and down him. All he could see were the maroon and white checks of her silks and hear her panting in his ear.

Once back on the road Jamie looked at Claire, the picture of demure control batting her eyes at him. That was a bit too much as the image smashed into his funny bone making him laugh so hard he almost ran off the road. Once composed, he didn’t dare look at her because she did nothing to dissuade his laughter. No doubt, he thought, his girl was very funny.

There were so many congratulations when they came back to the compound she could hardly believe it. She met with Nick and Jamie to give her opinion of Runner’s injury. It was too early to tell if he could race next week. Thankfully they would be racing in Kentucky again so they could go minute by minute. It was his first stakes race, one mile of continuous effort. Something he had never done before and she worried the injury might keep him from it. For now, they wait.

The following week, Claire rested, did some doctoring with Molly, and mentally prepared for the race at Keeneland. On the days she wasn’t at Highland Brothers Jamie would burst through her door in the evening and remind her of all she missed since the last time they made love. It was a heady week with sex, talk of racing, and the hope of winning. Fortunately, Molly’s social life had exploded with Lulu and she had not been home when Jamie appeared, but Claire knew the big reveal was coming

Claire studied the racing stats at Keeneland where she would be ponied to the gate along with Midnight Runner in an hour. The colt recovered quickly from his shoulder wound and they decided to let him run today. The bile that was threatening to percolate into Claire’s mouth had stopped halfway up for a continuous burn. Nick and Jamie had not burdened her with the truth of this race but she knew. It was his first one-mile run, the first for most of the horses in the race. No one knew if they would have the stamina and speed, or the will to win it.

Jamie kissed her and she pushed her foot into his hand to be lifted to the saddle. Nick checked her stirrups and girth. As always he turned a searching eye on her face, looking for fear or surrender, seeing only determination. Claire looked back at Jamie when she was ponied to the gate and gave him a brilliant smile.

Jamie felt like a coiled spring ready to release on anyone nearby. He and Nick stayed at the rail, wanting to stay close to the horses, close to Claire.

Runner was excited, more than she had ever felt him. He told her to hang onto him because he was going to run very fast.

When the ringing started she got into position with her heart in her throat. The front of the gate opened and she saw chaos all around her as the horses bolted onto the track. She realized they had not moved from the gate and felt Runner tell her to get ready just before he jumped onto the track.

Jamie looked wide-eyed and shocked at Runner still in the gate. Nick’s mouth was hanging open and he was trying to speak when the colt jumped out of the gate and into his racing lane at a pace that threatened no one. He was thirty lengths behind the second slowest horse who was at least twenty lengths behind the next horse. Jamie took a deep breath and felt the defeat down to his toes.

Around the first turn, Claire felt the colt change leads and stretch out. It felt like his body stretched an extra few feet as he covered ground in a leaping gallop. He told her to tuck in and she did. Her arms were stretched to their limit to follow his head and then pull back for the next stride. Coming out of the turn Claire felt his power engage as he started overtaking the slower horses. He advanced so fast on the running pack she could not believe it.

Jamie was jumping into the air trying to see them and yelling for Runner to go faster. Nick was absolutely still, silent, and watching. Runner came up on the pack on the outside and looked like a bullet running right passed them. Claire could see the pack breaking up as the horses were getting tired and slowing down. Not runner. He was wide open and having the time of his life. He locked onto the lead horse as he stretched even farther with each stride and Claire stayed tucked and silent. If he could win, he needed no encouragement from her, it was in his heart to win.

The stands went crazy watching this dark horse come from last position and overtake the other horses one by one. Claire looked up ahead at the finish line and dared to wonder if there was enough time to get past the lead horse. She couldn’t help it when she yelled for Runner to hurry. In a blur, she saw the horse on her left disappear and the bright light of the finish camera blind her.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Runner, you won!! You won!! Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, you won a one-mile stakes race!” Claire was crying uncontrollably and smiling like her face would break in half. She stood in her stirrups and raised her crop hand high above her head while she pulled Runner back to slow down, she was looking for Jamie. Runner came around the turn running slower and slower. Claire saw Jamie and Nick at the rail and her eyes locked with his. For a brief moment, it was just the two of them, until the chaos and crowd brought her back.

Jamie watched her closely noticing the tear streaks in her dirty face and thought his heart would stop. She was so happy and so proud of Runner but she had no idea what just happened. It was surreal as he tried to take it all in. This crazy, mentally broken colt just won a mile stakes race with a complete novice jockey on his back!

Nick was so happy he jumped almost three feet in the air to see them cross the finish line and he just kept jumping because he couldn’t stop. This was the biggest win of his career and hearing the loudspeaker announce ‘Midnight Runner wins by two lengths’ he actually held the rail to stay on his feet.

Claire was ponied to the winner’s circle where a crowd of people looked at her and smiled. A track official congratulated her and took a double-take of her face when he heard a feminine voice thank him. Jamie and Nick ran to her and Jamie said it all with his gaze and smile. She felt the tears come again and when the reigns were handed back to her they all turned to the camera and smiled.

She had little memory of the rest of the day, just pieces here and there. She remembered holding Runners face and thanking him for making her a winner. Bits of Jamie talking to her in the truck, his constant smile, and then doing a post-race check on Runner.

Claire needed to shower and find a quiet place to calm her nerves. She walked toward her truck hearing Jamie run up behind her. She fell into his arms with gratitude and let him kiss his promises to her soul. He smiled down at her and pushed the hair out of her face chuckling at her dirty face.

“I will catch up with you at yer house in a bit. I had to call the insurance company and security agency and a ton of people who went crazy over yer win.”

“What about insurance Jamie?”

“He has a separate policy now, eight million on death for any reason. I have a security company comin later today to assess our needs to secure him, as well as adding twenty cameras to the surveillance.”

“What?”

Jamie stopped and took a breath knowing it was time to tell her all the ramifications of her win today. He wanted to wait until they were alone and calm but the day became an out of control freight train when she crossed the finish line.

“Claire, two-hundred thousand dollars is what we won today. Bigger than that, Runner is now in the sights of the whole world. I could break down the importance of every second of the race and I will when we have time to go over it. I will tell you this my darling dirty girl, when ye won, his value went from near nothin to several million in one second.”

He grabbed her when she started falling backward and laughed at her startled face. He walked her to her truck looking around.

“Where’s Molly lass?”

“Gone.”

“Do ye have yer purse and keys?”

She looked blankly at the keys in her hand and looked up at him with a white face. She mumbled something about her silks and Jamie promised to bring them. He talked to her until she answered clearly and looked capable of driving home.

“I have a prize for the winner tonight lass. Yer best dress if ye please. Eight o’clock.”