#anyway i just like jesper the best and think it would have been a better direction to take that’s all. no deep literary reason

[shawty-writes-a-little]

From Eden 4.

[part1] [part2] [part3] [part 4]

darkling x brekker!reader

summary: feelings are heavy

word count: 3k

warnings: S2 shadow and bone, ep5 intoxication dreams, heavy angst, LONGING, English is not my first language x

An: I WILL update more frequently I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE and NO this has nothing to do w that angry from Eden anon, but hey fucko if you’re reading this I still love you

Despite of what y/n promised Kaz, she knew she wouldn’t entirely stick to her word. For somebody who grew up in ketterdam honour was just another grey line ready to get bent to one’s will. Besides high ground all mighty morals isnt what Kaz raised her with anyways, she knew that if she planned to cross what she promised Kaz it’d be a reflection of perhaps just the way he raised her. At the moment she told herself frankly anything as they traveled for quest of the Neshyener, some of her big brother’s words did drip through her mind in a way, could it be she was that naive? Was she a pawn in Aleksander’s game, perhaps a useless one but still someone whose emotions he had amusement toying with? No. That could not be, Kaz didn’t have half a mind to know what he was speaking of and y/n knew Aleksander better than that. He wasn’t the best of men, he had his traits but he had always been a great lover to her per se and that is what mattered.

Pulling out of her thoughts when Tolya approached the three talking about how they should pray for their dead and what not, the rest where praying for their dead whilst Kaz, Jesper, wylan along with y/n stood on the side. Them not praying wasn’t a blasphemous just not that heavy on faith. Especially Kaz and Y/n. “We don’t have to worry about our dead, y/n here can well enough resurrect them.” Kaz taunted.

Most of the time y/n would talk back but she knew better than to create a scene again, “If I pay you will you shut up?”

Kaz scoffed, the source of their money was same nonetheless “How much and the answer is no regardless”

Choosing not to answer to kaz’s remarks y/n parted ways with a simple “I’m with wylan and Jesper” despite of whoever Kaz had planned to group her with, she didn’t give him time to answer as she paced with the two with slumped shoulders and crossed arms. Kaz doesn’t get to pick and choose what’s right and what’s not for everybody, all the time. She thought to herself grumpily, alternatively Kaz gestured Jesper to keep an eye on her, he believed he had lost y/n to the darkling’s manipulation for a long time—she’d be angry and whiny about his restrictions and ways but Kaz wouldn’t loose another one of his siblings to their nativity.

As much as y/n wanted to be present for the crows, in the plans and their ongoing troubles as well, she sensed something off between wylan and jesper she didn’t want to pry wylan and Jesper couldn’t get alone time with y/n to tell her about it, so in all it was just filling awkward silences with small talks. She could deduct it was probably some argument. It seemed petty as an outsider of someone’s relationship but she recalled being in that position once.

She went through it all once. The days spent with Aleksander hauntingly found his way back to y/n’s mind. She’d avoid sleeping so what she assumed was her own mind tormenting her with his dreams would stop. ‘But can’t you see I’m right here?’ ‘The saints couldn’t get me to leave you…’ ‘I am not leaving you, my world, I’m leaving neither.’ It felt frustrating thinking about those dreams where he said he hadn’t left and then reality struck that he actually hadn’t. Did they mean anything? Was the Aleksander in her dreams real?

If so, she was furious. Furious at the man who claimed to love her to ends and had her believe he had died. He wronged an entire nation and didn’t even tell her that. Conversations with him prior to it all came back like cold and sharp ocean waves. He’d talk of a greater tomorrow for Ravaka, everyday he’d work tirelessly camps to camps tracking one artefact to another. Not that he didn’t tell her about it, they would have lengthy conversations but y/n would’ve never thought he would be expanding the fold just like that. The signs were perhaps always there. It was rather wrong of her to be oblivious to it, she was the only person Aleksander was that open to. Maybe if she loved him less she could’ve known what he was capable of.

He’d told her of all wrong that was done by his hands, she foresaw them, lost them in the story of the boy she told him, the boy travelling town to town raised on a wretched fate. Y/n knew what it was like to grow up in burning houses, the flames never really leave you. She maybe didn’t condone what he did but she never even asked herself that. She didn’t want to at the time. Kaz’s words ‘Manipulated by your beloved monster’ made her glum thinking was he right? Surely not, the man who’d raise wars would come into her arms like the sweetest gift of life. His shoulders relaxed only in the moments he’d have his arms around her. The man who didn’t speak more than orders and council meetings would talk to y/n about his past, for a stoic man his love was ever so evident for her even amongst other people—gesture of his hand on the small of her back, his eyes scanning for a certain woman in the crowd, married…they were almost married. How could he possibly manipulate her? His love that intense like of a raging storm why wouldn’t Kaz understand that?

Aleksander did a bad thing, evil even. Her Aleksander, a traitor, rebel, the villain to them all, most dangerous thing but they don’t know how the most dangerous thing used to laugh. How he used to love. How he does, but y/n isn’t so sure if she could reciprocate it that way anymore. She knows she shouldn’t. She knows she shouldn’t even be thinking about him the way she did as of now. No.

Y/n has promised kaz and she had promised herself, she wouldn’t associate with him no more. He kept his motives hidden from her once and he could again if he succeeded. The world was against him for a reason. All the torment he inflicted wasn’t justifiable by her. She’d see him one of these days, for one last time and then wash her hands of him. He could live out his days in the wild or create a house of a fold for himself and she wouldn’t bother to care. It broke her heart not to care for Aleksander but she didn’t know any other way. She knew what she told Kaz but she promised not to go back to Aleksander, she won’t. Y/n will have to confront him once, she thought about it a lot, what it would be like, hold him by the collar and demand an explanation. Wish him the worst, bid him goodbye and then wash her hands of him.

—

With sundown y/n became more and more clearer of her thoughts. Firm she will close the chapter that was Aleksander. Currently she stood alongside Kaz as the crowd towered tolya who explained the map of inside the house. Kaz’s plan was to sweep from all sides for the neshnyar, as y/n attempted to accompany wylan Kaz yanked her back by his cane, “Remember what you promised?”

“That literal?” Y/n groaned about her promise to ‘not leave kaz’s sight’ straightening her clothes. That evening took a low turn actually. The metal doors clung close with a pang just in a few moments they were in. The red gas flew out of the walls of the small room they were trapped in, faster than they could register what was happening.

“So this is how we die” Jesper’s shaky voice was first to admit what everyone else was thinking. Y/n struggled against the metal doors still, thankfully her optimism didn’t run out before she dropped to the ground unconscious.

-

The air felt crisp against her skin as the gigantic window crept open. She remembered these chambers. They were the ones she shared with Aleksander back at little palace. Y/n found herself in a dress, even the dress she recognised. Before she looked in the mirror she could reckon the fabric, it was her wedding dress. Unsure how to feel about it she just stared at her reflection. Is this after life? Is this a dream? Or perhaps a nightmare? Is it real? Four striking questions she didn’t bother to look an answer for as she stared at herself. Before everything happened, she’d never really got to try on her wedding dress. She chose the fabric and the pattern and the work on it but things went south faster than the designers worked. With the fete there was barely any time for trial. But as she saw herself in the moment it was exactly like she’d imagined, never too big on fancies but it was her wedding dress. Even her hair was done so perfectly she could make no sense of what was happening. It felt so confusing and endearing at the same time. Finally looking away from her dress her eyes fell on the note by the mirror desk which read ‘The Gardens.’ In a handwriting she was afraid she recognised.

Picking up the hem of the dress she walked out the room, down the long stair case she rushed to find an explanation for which state of being she was in. The opening to the gardens were enlaced with flowers and veils. When she finally came to the gardens she found entire area decorated as though celebration of the biggest event ever. Benches surrounded what seemed like a wedding altar, above hanged the most gorgeous garlands of bright flowers with dark organzas draped in a beautiful pattern. Each and every little detail was a conversation she remembered having with Aleksander from when they planned their wedding. In awe of the scene as she try to take in everything along with the sunset over the horizon, two hands pulled her back by her waist. Before she registered being alarmed, the instinct was replaced with that of warmth. Warmth she held very dear. “Why hello, my love” Aleksander spoke as he rested his head by crook of her neck giving her shoulder a gentle peck.

“Aleksander” Y/n said and turned to face him, she wanted to make sense of what it was that was happening but she truly didn’t want to. Maybe she is already dead but she was the happiest perhaps accepting whatever this was. She had so many questions to ask but the sight of his face, in his wedding attire, first time since the ship, first time since her strange dreams were it was just bargain, blame and endless arguments, y/n overcame the urge to punch him and show how cross she was, how much her hurt her, she just wrapped her arms around him, leaping into him as he carried her off her feet and hugged her tightly in his arms almost as if she wouldn’t exist if he let her go.

This felt like his luckiest moment, “and they say it’s a bad omen to see your bride before the wedding” he joked letting her out of his arms but still holding her close. “You look heavenly.”

“What-uh what is this?” Y/n asked finally, she could gather it was a wedding perhaps there but how so? What time of the year even was it? Plus they had so many hurdles to overcome before actually getting married.

“It’s our wedding day!” He exclaimed as he replied to her and gently caressed her face with a smile on his face. He moved his head to the side gesturing her to look around, the decorations, the empty guest benches, the wedding attires.

“But…how? How did we get here? Did we even tell everybody?” Y/n asked still not convinced that this could be real, a faint voice in the back of her head did tell her none of this was remotely real.

“We did, the guests will be here any minute.” Aleksander said “I just wanted to see you once…for myself.”

Y/n couldn’t help but smile at his irresistible little gesture to see her before the wedding all for himself. They were about to get married, together for an eternity, yet he couldn’t spare a few moments even. “And Kaz?”

“You know how your brother is, he was upset, really upset for a while. But he came around. Doesn’t he always?” Aleksander explained as he held his beloved’s hands in his.

His mannerisms of holding her hand so tightly desperately want to see her. Kaz coming around like he always did. Scene of the wedding. It all felt so strikingly real. This is perhaps exactly how their wedding would be. This was real. Maybe what happened before all of this was just a terrible terrible dream. Believing that y/n leaned forwarded and kissed her husband to be. Omens he damned. He kissed her back holding her face with his hand and his free arm by her waist securing her tightly in his arms.

Y/n pulled away for a moment to look at him, the setting sun behind her casted light orange hue on her lover’s face and she wanted to be reassured he was here. This was real. This was happening. However the voice said otherwise. It was everyone’s voice all at once.

“You abandoned me! You died…you made promised-you-I loved you..I-I love you! And you aren’t here you died you’ve left me”

“—I’m here aren’t I?”

"If it isn't the wedding bells I hear!"

"That monster of yours you almost married wasn't sabotaging your life?!"

"Manipulated. He manipulated you. You dimwit.”

Every conversation, every dream, everyone’s voices were echoing so loud it shambled the walls of her intoxicated dream. She pulled away from Aleksander sharply and put her hands over her ears to silence everything she wanted to be a bad dream but was reality. Aleksander put his arms around her to support her as she knelt to the ground he crouched down next to her not wanting to leave her side for a moment.

“This…this isn’t real.” Y/n told herself more than she told Aleksander. This isn’t real. It made her want to cry because this actually was her dream, to marry Aleksander and no body is cross with her. Her dream was dying. “This isn’t real-“

“Y/n” he cooed forcing her frantic eyes to look back at him, “look at me my love.” He said and his voice was so full of love and fragility Y/n wanted to cry that this wasn’t real. It was perhaps a stark foreshadowing what her dream would be like in reality, she could be in her wedding dress with her beloved and yet feel like crying. Because that dream would never be hers. “This could be real. It almost was. For a long time it almost was real, wasn’t it? It never occurred to you even four months ago that this couldn’t be, that we couldn’t be. Why now?”

“Aleksander…” she wept in her hands, how was she to explain to her hopeless lover of a conscious which conversed to her in form of Aleksander.

“Do you not want this?” He asked, his eyes scanning every hint of assurance on her face desperately wanting just one answer.

“Yes” she breathed out as tears ran down her face but she knew the ‘but’ after that yes was a big and unavoidable one. However unpleasant it was. “But it’s different now…”

“How is it? How is it any different y/n? Are you not the same woman who’d house a wretched soul that is mine…like you always did? The dreams we share…would you not house it any more?” He asked.

“Yes…yes I—I would Aleksander…” but I simply can’t, not after what you did. Y/n held back from saying because she didn’t want to admit it to herself.

“Then please, be it, be my home, be my solace, I’m out there leading a fight by myself and I always have until you—you. Please fight y/n. Fight for us. Don’t loose hope in us so soon…don’t wash your hands of us. Promise me you won’t?” He asked as he held her hands like the only thing in the world but she did not have anything to say as she stared at him. Eyes so full of hope but it was just the face of her own conscience. She did not have the heart to promise him anything nor did she have the capacity to stomach their love. She…missed him. But she didn’t want to anymore. That idea in itself was painful, very painful.

All that turmoil was over as a bigger one took place, gaining consciousness. Y/n woke up gasping for air as her mouth tasted like the worst thing she’d ever tasted. Familiar faces around her sighed in relief as she coughed her way out of almost death.

—

They got what they were there looking for. The neshyenyer. However y/n just got more frustrated how could her feelings remain so disoriented? She hated how she felt, she hated Aleksander but she wanted to love him to the end of her days but she knew that wasn’t possible anymore. She hated how Kaz still saw her as someone not capable to make rational decisions on her own and she wanted to prove him wrong but she didn’t know where she stood.

Furthermore as they walked out in the barren fields, Kaz tried to talk to y/n for a moment as they were loading the carriage but she dismissed him for later. Perhaps his intoxicated dream was eye opening too but y/n couldn’t handle it at the moment. Torment that her feelings and the dream she just had inflicted heavy upon her.

—

HIIIIIIII god I love this plot SO much at this point I’m just writing for myself😭

Drinker water eat sweets and keep seasonal depression away mfs

Tags: @louderfortheback @sloppyzengarden @mori1b2bpad @zeeader @shitpostrandomness @duchess @serpentthecrow @evalynkillgrave @bwormie

#darkling x reader #the darkling x reader #darkling imagine #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan x you #general Kirigan x y/n #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander x y/n #aleksander kirigan #general Kirigan imagine

[jackwolfes]

I would love to start writing grishaverse fics but I'm worried about not getting the characterisation correct. I've started with a modern au, which was maybe not the best plan considering it's probably harder to keep the dialogue in character when they're not in their normal setting. Any words of wisdom? Since you seem to be so inherently good at nailing all of the crows 😅

your point on AUs is interesting because 1) i am a big big AU writer and 2) i know some people insist that AUs are always automatically less in character which is just emphatically not true and is often times good old fashioned pretentiousness

but i would say that the key thing to AU writing is understanding the characters in their entirety, as well as how their character changes depending on the situations they're in, and adjusting accordingly. i run into this problem all the time with wylan! so in AUs where his entry into the barrel is entirely different i have to reevaluate how like, scared for his life he'd be basically, and how that changes how he relates to other people

for another example - the way matthias changes as a character in SOC is tied to how far away he is from his (for lack of a better term) cult, paired with the love he is met with from nina and the evidence of "goodness" from grisha (jesper & kuwei). so then that becomes: what is the au equiavalent of the druskelle? how long has it been since he's left them? how long has he known nina, has he met jesper/kuwei, has he had closure yet against brum?

i also think it's suuuuper important with AUs to remember that in the books they are all teenagers and all act like teenagers. if you're writing aged up AUs, certain ways they act will necessarily be different - ie all of them, at one point or another, think way too highly of themselves and/or act like immature gits that don't know how feelings work: if you're aging them up you'll have leeway to temper them a bit. interestingly i think the netflix show does this really well, with wesper especially - wylan isn't flushing constantly when jesper flirts with him because he's already a sexually active adult, etc. it's an interesting case study wrt how to age characters up and keep the essence of who they are

anyway i have wildly different confidence levels for the different crows so don't like, take this as gospel, but if you're interested i jotted down a few of the key things that i keep in mind about each of them below the cut:

mh

matthias is funnier than anyone gives him credit for. he doesn't always mean to be but comedy + matthias = winner

if you're writing early matthias: he is scared and lost and angry. he is in a new country he does not know the language of, freshly betrayed by someone he was never supposed to trust, and kicking himself for being stupid enough to "fall for her tricks" (while also being so profoundly in love that he is angry all over again that he is still "being tricked")

if you're writing later matthias: he is just. fucking. trying. he can see that there is something hopeful on the horizon and has realised that he wants it and will do what he can to make steps towards it. i really like writing matthias as clueless but well meaning, where he's a bit thick about a lot of things but really wants to do better! like your cishet uncle at christmas who is REALLY trying to get your pronouns right because he knows it means something to you but just doesn't have a grasp of how they work, yknow?

his faith is SO important to him, especially as the series goes on and he starts doubting everything. when he's in fjerda he's embedded in it but when he's in kerch, it is the literal only thing he had keeping him going. when he joins the crows, he clings to it as if to prove to himself that not everything he learnt was entirely wrong until he can reconcile religion with loving grisha

wve

if you aren't familiar with the signs of autism, research them. once you have, congratulations! you now have a guide to writing wylan van eck.

wylan is infinitely meaner than anyone gives him credit for. i dont mean snarky, i don't mean bitchy, i mean MEAN. early on, he says some fucking savage things without any real consideration for how jesper feels because he just fundamentally hasn't had real kindness from anyone in so long, which means he doesn't know that he doesn't have to expect cruelty back.

he does not want to be doing anything illegal. he'll do it but won't fucking like it - except he will also at the same time be very prideful about what he's doing. so he'll do it, and won't fucking like it, but by god will he do it well and make sure everyone around him knows how clever he is. he doesn't brag, exactly, but he WILL be smug and will not skimp on theatrics when needed.

the thing that made wylan click for me was someone saying that he is not SHY, but he is RESERVED. at no point is he really actually timid. he gets flustered, and fear/anxiety for his life is fucking rampant, but he is at no point shy with his opinions. he just refuses to show his whole hand and is very much like kaz in this respect.

early wylan is just having the worst fucking week, all the time. like every day is the worst day of his life: he's tired, hungry, scared, anxious, belittled, lonely. a part of him genuinely believes that he'll be able to go home again, which makes him resentful of the how bad his life in the barrel is.

underneath all of this wylan is still a profoundly hopeful character. i think one of the most interesting things about him is that he has an unhindered belief that the world is at it's core good, even though it also has bad things in it, and a fundamental unwillingness to settle for other people's cynicism. he's not stupid, he's not deluded, he's barely even optimistic, but throughout the series he genuinely does seem to believe that there will be a happy ending in some way or another.

jf

if you aren't familiar with the signs of adhd………….

jesper to me is just doing his very best to get through life without feeling any negative emotion ever for any longer than he has to. much like matthias, he is lost and scared and angry - but instead of channeling this into a pseudo-facist military cult he tries to stop feeling the bad feelings as quick as he possibly can. he has learnt that bad feelings = the worst, and the way to deal with that isn't to embrace them to understand them and move on [because he has also learnt that "bad" means "should be hidden"] so he tries to not feel them at all. he does not dwell on his mother's death or his father's insistence that a beautiful part of himself is a curse. he squishes it down and tries to cover it with gambling and flirting and anything else that'll get him through - except those coping mechanisms always make him feel worse, which he tries to bottle up and cover with a joke and a smile…... etc etc etc

to emphasise: when he covers things up, he does so in the biggest, boldest and most public ways as if that'll prove to everyone else, as well as himself, that he's fine. he doesn't shut up, he's a snarky asshole, and his whole thing is that he refuses to stop moving because stopping let's the bad feelings catch up.

he is both incredibly cynical and incredibly optimistic, which is a strange juxtaposition to get your head around but makes him really interesting! he's described as having "reckless optimism" and an insane hope that everything will pull through - but so often when he talks to wylan he is utterly jaded about wylan's way of seeing the world.

jesper doubts himself and his talents fucking massively. whereas a lot of the other crows are almost too confident about their abilities to do things, jesper doesn't really put stock into his talents! and this again comes down to the fact he has fundamentally not taken the time to learn and understand why he has the talents he has, and only gets to that point at the end of CK.

ig

inej to me is just very teenage girl, by which i mean: she is funnier than anyone gives her credit for, she likes to be right, she crushes on idiot boys [and gets annoyed about it] and truly cherishes her friendships. she is a TEENAGE GIRL, not an all-caring insightful mother figure, and when she supports her friends she leans on them in return just as heavily.

related to that she is also infinitely more like… proud than people give her credit for. this is also similar to wylan IMO but inej takes great care in whatever she does, and while doesn't necessarily try to get all eyes on her, she DOES want the people she's manipulating to know that SHE is the one in control of their fates. but for all she holds power over other people and the next steps in her life [which is key re: taking control and autonomy of her life in the aftermath of her assault and displacement] it is always chased with the knowledge that at the end of it, her saints have the final say and final power.

i think it's also really important that she just does not believe herself to be a good person. like she doesn't, but she's making peace with that and spends a lot of time trying to atone for that by making the world better than she found it.

nz

nina is a notoriously hard character to get right [and also i haven't read king of scars so can't comment on anything but how she's written in SOC/CK] but one key thing about nina that i think jumps out is that she is just. tired. she's so tired by the start of soc because she does not like life in the barrel. she doesn't even like ketterdam! she fucking hates it! she's doing what she has to to find matthias but does not WANT a life in the barrel. her key goal and motivation is to fucking skip town as fast as possible.

it's also key IMO that she has had a very similar upbringing to matthias. it's very easy to see his indoctrination, and i wouldn't say that the ravkan's are quite as bad as the fjerdans considering ideologies and tactics, but as the books go on nina very much discovers that the way she was raised [taken from an orphanage without a say, raised to be a soldier, told to never question anything/step out of line/consider an alternate view] was also not great, which is why she decides to leave and make change on a local level

nina doesn't really hold back what she thinks, especially when she's upset with someone: she will just tell kaz someone they're being stupid straight to their face.

related to that, she is just low-level irritated at kaz for every waking moment of the series

kb

he's not mean, but he's a sarcastic fucker and incredibly blunt about the truth of things. he genuinely does not care about hurting other people's feelings [key with wylan tbh but seen with all of the other crows]

he doesn't volunteer information if he can help it: he likes to have the upper-hand and the last word, but will never show all of his cards until he is absolutely 100% without a doubt certain he's won something

he would rather be shot in the head than show true vulnerability [see: the "who is jordie" conversation]

that bitch loves a grand gesture. he doesn't have a love language so much as he only knows how to express his feelings by doing things for people [see: buying his crush a big boat]

#uthers bald head #soc #six of crows #advice #fic advice #asks #long post

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don't Go Blindly Into the Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Content warnings for this chapter: implied violence, threats, implied sa references

@justalunaticfangirl

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55445686/chapters/140788939

Chapter 3 - Nina

“So just to be clear,” said Nina, leaning back in her chair and studying Kaz across the desk, “All you want us to do is act like students? What the hell kind of job is this?” 

Nina had been in Ketterdam for five months, and she’d considered strangling Kaz Brekker with her bare hands about three times in each of them. And considering that she could just stop his heart if she wanted to, it was a particular statement to just how infuriating he was that she would be willing to put in the effort of strangling him. She’d told him that once, and he took it as a compliment.

“You heard me,” he picked up one of the forged papers Nina and Inej had brought in with them, that were now sitting on his desk, “Use your own names, it’s only more suspicious if you get caught not answering to a fake and no-one there should recognise you anyway,”

“You might have told us that before Specht drew the papers up,” Inej sighed, “Will he be able to change them?”

“Should be,” Kaz tapped the corner of the page in his hand against the desk, and Nina caught her gaze flicking to his black leather gloves, “All you need to do is act like you belong and try to get close to the mark,”

The mark. Nina had thought she spoke Kerch when she landed in this Saintsforsaken city, but talking to Kaz and the rest of the Barrel may as well have been learning a brand new dialect. 

“For how long?”

“As long as proves necessary,”

Nina really was going to strangle this boy. She sighed.

“You’ll have to subsidise my income,”

“You’ll get paid when they job’s done,”

“That’s not good enough,” she said smoothly, ignoring the glance Inej shot her, “You can’t put me out of work for an indeterminate amount of time and not expect me to need the money for it,”

Nina was scraping by as it was. Her salary from the White Rose wasn’t bad, though it could be better, but her commission from the Tailoring was appallingly low and any spare cash she managed to strap together quickly drained away in the endeavours she was refusing to believe she’d reached a dead end in. Kaz nodded.

“We’ll discuss it,”

Inej leaned forwards to collect one of the papers, saying something to Kaz. Nina couldn’t help but wonder why the girl had been put on this job - this wasn’t her specialty, far as Nina could tell, and it didn’t seem to make any difference to the job whether there were one or two of them working on it. Mind you, Nina was glad to know she’d have company and Inej was about the best company she could have hoped for. 

“It’s listed in your application that you’ll require a tutor for written Kerch,” Kaz was telling her, “But I can pull that if you feel you don’t need it,”

Inej glanced at Nina. She spoke Kerch perfectly well, though Nina knew she’d learnt most of it at the Menagerie and there were occasional gaps in her knowledge even of words she would use every day at home - as well a collection of words she only knew in Kerch, that no classroom ever would have taught her - but she was still learning to read the language. Nina had been trying to help her, but she wasn’t convinced that her calling was as a teacher and sometimes wondered if she was actually hindering her. 

“Up to you,” said Nina, in Ravkan, “If you think-”

“Excuse me,” Kaz interrupted in cool Kerch, tapping the table, “Perhaps we can keep this discussion in a language we all understand?”

“Perhaps you could bother to learn another language,” Nina muttered in Ravkan, winking at Inej when she saw her smile.

Making Inej smile felt like winning something; she didn’t seem to have reason to smile nearly often enough. Kaz finished giving them the bare bones of the plan, which was really no more information than they already had or could have guessed at, and Nina and Inej left his office with copies of their enrolment papers in hand. 

“Will Feliks really be happy to let you go for an indeterminate time?” asked Inej, as they walked downstairs together.

Not a chance. But he wouldn’t have much of a say in it.

“I don’t think ‘happy’ would be the right word,” she sighed, “but it’s Haskell who has the last word on wherever I go, and Kaz’s word is an extension of his. Feliks is just my employer, he’s not the one I’m in debt to,”

Inej’s shoulders squared, perhaps uncomfortably, and Nina cursed herself for not biting her tongue a sentence sooner. But the moment passed quickly, and they continued walking together in easy comfort. Nina checked the time - eight bells. She’d have to get back. Inej walked her to the door of the Slat, and as they reached the front Nina briefly squeezed her fingers before she made to leave.

“Sleep,” she told her.

Inej smiled.

“I will if you will,”

Nina shivered as she stepped into the evening air; even her jumper was not enough to keep the cold away. Ketterdam she thought dismissively, rubbing a hand up and down one of her arms. She sighed. This job was making her nervous - it sounded suspiciously easy. What was Kaz after? And what was he getting them into this time?

“Hey gorgeous,”

Nina looked up to see Jesper crossing towards her, and gave him a smile.

“Hey. How’s the arm?”

She nodded vaguely at the spot a little above Jepser’s elbow, where she’d fixed a bullet graze for him not too long ago. Seemingly unconsciously, his hand found the point on his sleeve that the freshly closed skin was hiding beneath and his fingers ran along it.

“Good as new,” he smiled.

“Well,” Nina winked, “I am good,”

Jesper smiled. He was wearing a shockingly dull outfit for him - the only splash of colour, the shimmer of the gems in his mismatched gold and silver rings - and he wasn’t wearing his gun belt. It only took a brief glance to realise he was still carrying his prized revolvers, Nina would probably have been concerned for his health if he wasn’t, but they were hidden beneath his jacket and she wondered why.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, before she could get her own questions in.

Nina avoided the Slat and the Crow Club whenever she could; this hellhole was a means to an end and she didn’t need to sink any lower into it than she already had.

“Talking to Kaz about a job. Where’ve you been?”

“Hell,” he said drily, “But as much as I’d love to chat, I have a shift to get to and I want to get changed before it starts,”

“Don’t let me keep you,” she replied, hopping down the last few steps, “I’ll see you soon,”

It wasn’t a particularly short walk back to the White Rose. Nina headed North as she left the Slat, following the canals as she moved from East Stave onto West. Here the world changed. The streets were alive, because they were alive at almost every hour, with tourists and locals alike dressed in every colour under the sun, their faces hidden beneath masks of the Komedie Brute. It was said - and Nina more than believed it - that the normality of the masks gave people confidence like nothing else. They were themselves, once they were hiding. People would come to West Stave looking for oblivion, sometimes even just to watch the crowds more than sample any of the entertainment for themselves. Or at least that’s what plenty of them liked to claim, anyway. Nina was less convinced by that.

She slipped along the edge of a crowd, trying to dodge between patrons clamouring for attention or downing the drink that was finally going to tip them over into too many. Someone dressed as the Scarab Queen dropped an empty bottle and giggled when it shattered at their feet, whilst Nina tried to pick her way through the broken glass and keep moving. On her way back yesterday, she’d found her arm grabbed by a masked stranger and had to panickedly plunge his heartbeat and knock him out before she hurried onwards, but it seemed she would be luckier today as Goedmed bridge came into view ahead and Nina knew she was almost back. She had to catch herself from thinking almost home. It was an easy habit to slip into, when referring to the place you slept every night. But Nina was several long weeks of travelling away from home, and she didn’t know if she’d ever be able to go back. 

A street performer was shouting something to a gathering crowd, drawing attention with close-up magic tricks before he made some grand announcement and splayed his hands towards an explosion of glitter. When the purple monstrosity had cleared enough that only a shimmer was left in the air, the crowd gasped and applauded at the apparently magical appearance of an acrobat dangling over the canal. A Suli girl, younger than Nina, hanging upside down from a collection of wires with her slender body barely covered by more purple glitter and alarmingly thin scraps of fake silk, her extended arm revealing the swirling tattoo of the Willow Switch. Nina shuddered, and kept walking. 

The White Rose almost looked more like one of the grand townhouses than it did a brothel; tall and slender, with its own dock, a pale facade, and a magnificent collection of white-petaled roses growing up the walls. The smell of the flowers was cloying, hanging over everything and refusing to let go. Nina may very well be stuck smelling of them for the rest of her life, even if she did ever get out of this town. 

“My house girls are as sweet as my roses,” Feliks had told her when she first moved in, clapping his hand over her shoulder uncomfortably.

It had been clear even then that it was a line he liked to feed, but Nina had also since learnt that the roses he used - according to Kaz, the only ones that were strong enough to survive year-round in the hardy weather of Ketterdam - were naturally scentless. Every flower was perfumed by hand, on constant rotation, by the boys and girls in white uniforms who tended to food and drink or anything else clients might need beyond what they had really come for. Some of them were indentured; Nina didn’t know how many, but considering the number of the house girls who were thus she guessed it was a good number. Then again, if that was the case then why did Feliks just have them perfuming roses? His facade was thin enough for her to feel certain he’d be making proper money off the kids if he could. It was part of Nina’s job to Tailor them, paling their skin and turning their hair and irises a vague white - in Feliks’ own words, so that all the decor matched. She slipped them cash, if she could spare it, whilst they were in with her, same with the occasional house girl who needed Healing. It didn’t happen often, but it happened.

But the White Rose was undeniably safer than most, if not all, of the other houses on the Stave - for Nina, at the very least, and as much as it gnawed anxiously in her gut she had to keep herself alive and safe before she started trying to do the same for anyone else - and she had not borne witness to anything like the stories she’d heard of the buildings opposite her and down the street. The girls here were safer, even if they weren’t safe.

She couldn't go through the front door looking like this - messy and out of costume and so on - so she slipped down the side of the building. She actually wasn’t sure if she was supposed to use the front at all; she never had because she never left or returned to the building in the fake kefta she couldn’t enter the lobby without. She’d only seen girls use the front door when clients who’d paid to take them from the building were whisking them away or returning them again, arms often slipped through arms, the girls’ fake giggles and batting lashes somehow fooling them. Maybe they were just willing to be fooled, ready to ignore anything that would crack their illusion. That was what they came for, wasn’t it? A pretty lie. Oblivion. 

As she reached the back of the building, the ugly outline of the Menagerie came into view on the other side of the canal; taller than most of the buildings surrounding it, structured like a tiered birdcage. It was the largest and most expensive house on the Stave, shimmering even as darkness began to close its heavy blanket over the city like a forest fire reflected by a mirrorball. How long since Inej left that place - six months? Seven? Maybe a little longer; she had already seemed to trust Kaz Brekker - if trust was really the right word - when she appeared through a window at the Emerald Palace five months ago and convinced Nina not to take the deal Pekka Rollins’ was offering her. She probably owed Inej her life, for that. Or maybe Kaz, but that was the far more disappointing option of the two. 

Most of it was obscured by other buildings across the canal but where the lower floor of the Menagerie was almost entirely open, held up the columns that became akin to the bars of the birdcage, Nina could see the blurring edge of a girl lying on a sofa. Someone in the red cape of Mr Crimson approached and she slipped her hand into theirs as she sat up slowly, her neckline slipping off her shoulder. The wind picked up and blew goosebumps down Nina’s neck as she turned quickly away to slip through the back door, her mind foolishly concerned that the girl was going to catch a cold in those scant silks.

“Nina,” began Adrian, as soon as she stepped inside.

“I know,” she breathed, quickly hurrying towards the staff staircase, “I’m a little late, but I was with Brekker. I have half an hour, it’ll be fine,”

“No, it’s not that,” he sounded nervous.

Nina turned back to face him. Adrian was about two years younger than Nina, she reckoned, and before she’d started Tailoring him his wide, dark eyes had made him look akin to a doe. Now they were pale and slightly unnerving, but as someone for whom Tailoring did not come as easily as it did others she thought she’d done a decent job. He fidgeted with the sleeve of his white shirt, threatening to mark the cuffs if he wasn’t careful.

“He scheduled you three more clients, this evening,”

Nina resisted the urge to scream. When had she last slept? Apparently it would have to wait. The rich of Ketterdam having their minds relaxed and their emotions altered took precedence over anything else, and definitely her.

“Fine. Who?”

“That might be the concerning part,” Adrian shuffled, “Two folks from the Zelvar District, one who’s been before, one I didn’t recognise,”

Not much of a problem. And if it was a first visit then maybe it would be more of a consultation about what they wanted than it would be actually altering moods. Maybe it would be marginally less tiring. But Adrian still looked nervous, and his voice had trailed away.

“The third?” she prompted.

Adrian bit his lip.

#don't go blindly into the dark #six of crows #grishaverse #leigh bardugo #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #nina zenik #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wesper fic #wesper fanfiction #matthias helvar #kanej #soc fanfiction #soc fandom #soc fic #six of crows fandom #six of crows fanfic #six of crows fic #wylan hendriks #wesper #grishaverse fanfic #grishaverse fandom

[little-cereal-draws]

Major Shadow and Bone season two spoilers

OK BUT WHAT WAS THE REASON???? WHAT WAS THE REASON??? WHY DID DAVID DO THAT??????? IT WAS SO UNNECESSARY!! SOBBING

ok and now that i've got that out of my system, I actually do problems with how his death was treated.

It felt so... unnecessary. Putting aside my love for David, it felt so weird from an in-story point of view. I genuinely don't know why he did that. There was enough room for them both in the elevator and what on earth was he supposed to do against a being made of shadow? There was no tension of "what's going to happen to David" bc there was no way for him to win. I think he was supposed to be sacrificing himself so Genya could escape and be safe but honestly if he wanted to protect her, it would be better to live. He could seal doors to keep monsters out, he was studying how these creatures work at the beginning of the season so maybe he knew a secret weakness or smth, or at the very least they have a better chance of surviving if they stick together.

Locking her in an elevator is so stupid too bc he could have been dooming her. What if the elevator got stuck/broken and she couldn't get out? She would have suffocated or starved. What if a monster got in and she was boxed in? Literally no way for her to escape. Like it was such a stupid decision. Luckily neither of those happened but they very easily could have. (And then the fact that we don't see where the elevator goes or her getting out bothers me but that's not what this post is about.)

And this next thing may be a moot point bc the last two episodes were so busy and I'm not quite sure how to fit them in, but I wish we got to see at least a little bit of David fighting the monster. I know I said before there was no way for him to win but I at least want to see him try. I want to see David, a shy, introvert who has never been anywhere near the front lines, fight with everything he has to get back to Genya. He has no training, no idea what to do, nothing but the idea that he needs to get back to her. His death was already sad but this really would have pushed it to a new level. The way they had it, I already knew he was going to die bc the odds were so against him. But if they showed him trying to fight, it would have given the viewer a bit of hope and make it that much worse when he loses.

The last shot that we see of him is him standing in front of the elevator looking determinedly at the monster while Genya screams for him. I'll be honest, I actually did have a bit of hope for him here. We just saw this Durast saint in Shu Han kick everybody's asses; all these expert soldiers and criminals that we've seen win over and over, and she did it like it was nothing. And Jesper even had a very minor arc abt using his powers more and in more unconventional ways and I was hoping to see it reflected in David. We know he's an amazing Durast, one of the best ones in Ravka, and unlike Jesper he actually has training and knows how to use his powers. We last saw him standing in a workshop, surrounded by tools and materials that he knows how to use, and I was really hoping that he would figure out a way to use them in battle. Idk if he could actually hurt the monster but it would still be so cool and develop his character in a way we haven't seen before. Or at least he could make a flash bomb or smth like the ones Wylan uses and escape. But nope. I put too much faith in the writers to think they would do that.

Lastly, his death didn't advance the plot in anyway. If they wanted it to develop Genya, I really don't think it was the right choice. Over the course of this season, she's been mutilated, disabled, kept as a prisoner, thought she lost the love of her life, and confronted her abusers. She has already been so developed so much since season one, adding David's death doesn't really do anything. I think they did it just for shock value. And the way it was written didn't really make sense either? She's upset when she can't find him after the battle, she's upset when she finds the ruby in his coat, and then the next time we see her she's fine? She's laughing and smiling and hanging out with her friends. And I'm not saying that ppl who are grieving can't do those things, but it was just such an extreme 180 that happened so quickly, both in the episode's run time and the in-show timeline, that it felt jarring and like she didn't care anymore. And this is not hate on the actress ofc, she was amazing this season.

Idk I just think they handled David's death very poorly. But we didn't see his body so maybe he's still alive. I hope so, I love him so much.

#i didn't mean for this to get so long #i just love david and genya so fucking much #shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #shadow and bone season 2 #david kostyk #genya safin #david x genya #genya x david #shadow and bone meta

[kazscrows]

Six of Crows Reread 🪶

Chapter 37: Nina

How do you think a therapist would rate Helnik’s relationships?

Not great probably

But boy do I love an enemies to lovers

“Jer molle pe oonet. Enel mörd je nej afva trohem verretn.”

Nina swallowed hard. She remembered those words and what they truly meant. I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath. It was the vow of the drüskelle to Fjerda. And now it was Matthias’ promise to her.

brb. CrYiNg—

Cuz you know.. he dies relatively soon—

Anyways…

For some reason I always always forget that Nina and Matthias were going to just kill Yul-Bayur

Like I talked about this earlier in my reread. I haven’t forgotten since then. I’m just surprised that I forget this info

And it’s probably because they don’t do it

A Shu boy was seated cross-legged on it. He stared at them, his dark hair flopping over his forehead, a notebook in his lap. He couldn’t have been more than fifteen.

Hello Kuwei

Leverage 2.0

Oh my gosh the first thing Nina tells him is that they aren’t here to harm him

Like “Hi we’re nice and friendly we’re just here to kill your father-“

I mean they don’t know yet but… you think they could probably deduce it

Nina swallowed. She’d killed before. She’d killed tonight, even, but this was different. This boy wasn’t pointing a gun at her or trying to harm her. Murdering him – and it would be murder – would also mean betraying Inej, Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan. People who were risking their lives even now for a prize they’d never see. But then she thought of Nestor falling lifeless in the snow, of the cells full of Grisha lost in their own misery, all because of this drug.

She raised her arms. “I’m sorry,” she said. “If you succeed, there will be no end to the suffering you unleash.”

Oh wow she really was going to do it-

And yet her hands were shaking. Wasn’t this the way drüskelle thought? Destroy the threat, wipe it out, no matter that the person in front of you was innocent.

Ah there we go

“Nina,” Matthias said softly, “he’s just a kid. He’s one of us.”

One of us. A boy not much younger than she was, caught up in a war he hadn’t chosen for himself. A survivor.

It’s actually really wonderful that it’s Matthias that points this out. Helps her see

Since she helped him realize his wrongdoings before

He’s officially a Crow now in my mind after this

Oh what the heck I forgot Kuwei is an inferni!

Seriously you think they guard him a little better?

He’s just the most important child in the world currently

I guess the drüskelle thought Brum had the vault covered

Uh oh they just ran into a drüskelle that called Matthias a traitor-

Foreshadowing foreshadowing foreshado—

One of the drüskelle came forward with what looked like a long-handled whip attached to the cables that bound them, and handed it to Lars.

“Do you recognise this, Helvar?” Lars asked. “You should. You helped with its design. Retractable cables for controlling multiple captives. And the barbs, of course.”

Ha.. haha.. hA— crYinG again—

He helped make the weapon that’s about to hurt Nina

“Leave her be,” Matthias growled in Fjerdan, the words bristling with rage. For the briefest second, she saw a flash of panic in his former compatriots. He was bigger than all of them, and he’d been one of their leaders, one of the best of these murderous boys.

Gosh yeah the show helps remind me that Matthias is giant even more now

Calahan is just so… huge? Grand?

So muscular

Like daaaang

And now Kaz is here to save the day and destroy a beautiful tree

Oh and plunge them into a freezing cold river!

Fun times! Sarcasm

The last thing she glimpsed was Matthias toppling into the hole beside her. She heard gunfire – and then she was falling into the black, into the cold, into the throat of Djel, into nothing at all.

First | Previous | Next

#I’m typing this at 1am… #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #nina zenik #matthias helvar #kuwei yul bo #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #six of crows book #reading #books #leigh bargudo #kazscrows #kazscrowsreadssoc

[arillusionist]

shadow and bone season 1 episode 6 reactionnnnnn!! also i finished the first s&b book (it was so short compared to soc 💀💀), and i've started reading the next

nina is a spy for the darkling?? interesting..

ok but can they please show nina in this episode its been too long 😭😭

theyre gonna kill him right

yeah (god bless i never liked him anyways 🙏)

fuck if she gets out then kaz wont believe jesper about her being with them all along and he'll beat his ass

oh nvm

crows and alina meeting hell yeahhh 🔥🔥🔥

stop i so badly wanted for inej to say sankta alina or smth like that so they could be friends ☹️☹️

nina mention!!!

matthias mention!!!!

Yessss i am getting her in this episode!!!

yayy theres zoya screen time too!! they really gotta show more of her shes such an interesting character

oh my god wait... he probably made out with zoya and manipulated her too before alina came along..

hes such a hoe hes literally a pedophile too cuz isnt alina like 17??

nina looked so hot in that scene tell me im wrong (you cant)

ugh i think this was the scene in the book where mal came 🙄🙄 but then again after reading the book i've realized that show mal is SO much better i should appreciate him

yeah i was right

stop not nina saying that and literally gawking at his abs afterward 💀💀

everything ab this scene is so awkward i literally cant

aughh the crows finally its been 17903280 years

oh my god if kaz doesnt tell inej later this season or something what he gave up for her im gonna die but i also know its much more realistic if he doesnt 😭😭

them going from a kanej scene where theyre not communicating properly to a malina scene where they do comminute is so CRUEL ☹️☹️

isnt this the scene where the kiss

i dont even care for them but the tension is killing me wtf just do it already

helink are so funny when theyre tryna be enemies

hdhfhfkf i remember that line from the book!! nina is the best 🔥🔥

stop theyre so cute

i hope the darkling and kaz meet... emo boy battle who will win (we all know who)

inej fight scenes are literally the best hello

so are jespers even tho it wasnt really a "fight" scene

oh my god this really is like that one line "a suli girl who became a killer" once she did it for the first time shes js gonna keep doing it (as she should inej can do whatever she wants)

HELP EMO BOY BATTLE i was right

haha ik kaz would win 🔥🔥 stop the darkling must be so embarassing rn that literally some random ass criminal was able to escape him

do they have to show his wounds so close up ew

nina and matthias are actually so cuteauhdhf

stoppp i got so scared for a second there that he was gonna drop her

INEJ NOO ☹️☹️

that one shot of kaz you know what im talking about

wait hello isnt the book that guy threw at jesper shadow and bone??

malina angst is always like. 2 seconds long

i feel like every episode theres less and less of the crows and that makes me so sad 💔 i wish i could have more hope for the spinoff

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #sab reaction

[its-tortle]

hehe hellooo ✨

hope you're having fun !! as for asks, which of your faves (can't be of the same franchise) do you think would get along the best?

anddddd if you could choose 1 of your faves to protect you from the other ones, which one would you pick?

(faves as in crows, steves, buck, taylor, etc)

hi winnie!! omg this is such an amazing ask. let me see if tipsy me can do it justice

ideally, they would all be besties. realistically, this would not be the case lol. i think taylor -- who is (1) a real person and (2) does not lead a very violent life -- would be so sweet to everyone but would not always get sweetness in return. steve rogers would be polite, bucky might be depending on what era we're talking, kaz and matthias would be stand-offish, inej would admire her strength, jesper might flirt with her, wylan would want to talk music, and nina might fall in love with her (its the blond blue eyed hot people thing). this whole ordeal would be a weird crossover. steve harrington (who i assume you meant to include by steves) would by no means be rude but idk what he would know to discuss with her.

he might be able to bond with the others (read: stucky and the crows) about fighting-monsters trauma or annoying co-monster-fighters who keep putting themselves in unnecessary danger. i strangely think nina would like him, but then again maybe i'm just projecting onto her again.

okay, anyways, before this gets way too long: here's the dynamics i think would happen in an alternate universe where they all meet at a bar. let's say modern au no magic no monsters

jesper, taylor, and wylan: do some really good karaoke. maybe nina would join even if in my mind she can't hold a tune

kaz and bucky: do some glaring at everyone but their sweethearts. they both drink surprisingly fruity drinks. best case scenario, they actually open up a bit and talk about how difficult it can be to change the cold person you have been into something more suited for loving and being loved.

inej and steve r: have a really interesting conversation about faith -- in both the religious and the hope sense -- and come to the consensus that its all about experience and people rather than blind belief, but that it is a lasting source of hope

steve h and matthias: himbos. matthias laughs at steve as he tries and fails to pick someone up. steve laughs at how red matthias gets about nina. maybe he even gives him some heartfelt advice about how to loosen up and let her in better

steve r and taylor: might have a compelling conversation about becoming a symbol bigger than yourself and feeling like you have so little control over that narrative. captain america and miss americana you know? the weird alienation of fame? i think they might have some thoughts.

bonus wylan and billy hargrove: we are not our fathers. you can be your own person and find 'worthiness' and love outside of the coldness of your childhood home. if we're lucky, they hug

wow this was a trip. i hope it makes sense? i definitely forgot some dynamics, feel free to add on

#this is such a mess lmao #my brain is an interesting place #trying to mesh these different sectors was an experience #but wow such a good ask thank you #tortle answers #mutuals (affectionate)

[milo-my-beloved]

things we don't say

A continuation of the some other life 'verse.

Playlist 🎵 Buy me a cup of tea ☕

Chapter Seven: The Night We Met

"How was your weekend?" Nikolai asks as soon as Inej steps through the door of The Little Palace on Monday morning.

"Oh, you know." She shrugs, tying her apron around her waist. "I planned and successfully pulled off a heist, performed with my ex-boyfriend to a room full of the richest people in Kerch, was maid of honour at a wedding, and threw an upstanding mercher out of my friend's house."

Nikolai stares at her for a few seconds. "Not much, then. Zoya, honey, come and listen to the list of crimes your best barista has committed over the weekend, so I don't gaslight myself into believing his conversation never happened."

Zoya raises an eyebrow. "Please, describe how your life is more interesting than mine."

Inej curses the fact it's Nina's day off, but tells them anyway. She tries to focus on Wylan and Jesper — their wedding was the reason behind the heist, anyway — but she can't miss Zoya's incredulous expression and Nikolai's smirk every time she mentions Kaz.

"You still never told us why you broke up," says Zoya, turning on the coffee machine.

Inej sighs, leaning against the counter. There are never any customers this early in the morning. "It's not for me to say."

"Mysterious," Nikolai says. "Or are you holding out on us because you think there's a chance at rekindling the romance, perhaps?"

She smiles. She's waited for Kaz to call for two months, and a part of her would love for them to go back to what they were. But if he doesn't want to open up to her, she won't hold her breath.

"I certainly hope so," that familiar rock-salt rasp says from behind her.

Inej spins around, glad that her bronze skin disguises her blush. How long has Kaz been standing behind her? Nikolai and Zoya must have seen him walk up to the counter and not warned her, the traitors.

Zoya hands him a black coffee. "Two sugars. Take your break, Inej."

Continue reading under the cut // Continue reading on AO3.

"I feel like I'm being ganged up on," she mutters, but she follows Kaz over to a table hidden in the corner of the cafe.

He takes a sip of his drink instead of jumping straight into whatever he wants to say. It must be hot enough to burn his tongue, but he doesn't flinch.

"Is this about Jesper and Wylan?" she asks. If she doesn't prod him for answers, her break will be over by the time he explains why he's sought her out.

"No, they're fine. From what Matthias said, they're... enthusiastically celebrating their new marriage."

Inej laughs. "Poor Matthias. I bet he's regretting his choice of roommate already."

"I actually..." He trails off, staring into his coffee like it might hold the answers to life. "I wanted to tell you what my nightmare was about."

Inej sits up straighter. "You don't have to. You don't owe me the truth if you don't want to tell it."

His eyes meet hers, and she realises they're the same colour as the coffee. "I know. But I want to be that better man you spoke of, if you'll let me."

She smiles, tilting her head to one side. "I'd like that."

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever memory he is about to dredge up. "There was an accident, when I was a child." He looks like he's fighting every word that leaves his mouth. "My — my brother took me on a cruise. We weren't going far, just from Lij to Ketterdam. But on the way, he got seasick."

Inej's heart sinks.

"He had to stand at the back of the boat so he could vomit into the water. I laughed at him for being so green. And when we were nearly there, when Fifth Harbour was just in sight... he fell in."

She reaches a hand across the table, waiting for Kaz's silent permission before squeezing his gloved fingers.

"I'm not sure what happened. I think he hit his head on the way down. But I leapt in after him, and the boat never noticed two missing boys. I nearly didn't make it to the harbour, but when I got to Ketterdam, Jordie was dead."

"Kaz..." Inej trails off, not sure what words could ease such a loss. "I'm so sorry that you both went through that."

He shakes his head, taking a shaky breath through his mouth. "I've never told anyone before."

She squeezes his hand tighter. "Thank you for trusting me," she says, and she really means it. "How does it feel?"

"Painful. Raw." He places his other hand on top of hers, brushing his thumb over her hand absentmindedly. "But... good."

"Good," Inej echoes.

He lets go to take another sip of his coffee, looking down at it again. "I might need something stronger than this to drink, though."

She grins. "Nikolai owes me an afternoon off. How about we go and get spectacularly drunk?"

He smiles, and it feels like the beginning of a new chapter. "That's the best idea I've heard all week."

*****

The first stop on their quest to get as drunk as possible is the tiny (overpriced) shop on campus, and then back to Inej's flat to drink the cider they bought.

She doesn't bother getting changed, and makes sure she doesn't bring anything important with her that isn't a necessity. Inej isn't much of a drinker, but she's had to pick Jesper up from enough parties to know that drunk people are incapable of keeping track of their belongings.

Once they've finished their drinks and Kaz has beaten her at three rounds of Uno, they walk into the center of Ketterdam with another bottle of cider each. It's only fifteen minutes away, which is a blessing because the buses in this city never show up when they're supposed to.

The weather is pleasant for this time of year, and the fruity taste of the cider reminds Inej of her mother's autumn apple pies.

They have dinner in a pub in town — a burger for Kaz, and a waffle for Inej — and then they make their way to the same shady club that they went to on the night they met.

Inej buys them both two rounds of drinks so she doesn't have to keep getting up to walk to the bar and then sits next to Kaz in the same booth where he broke a creep's hand with his cane the last time they were here. They sip their drinks in peace — gin and tonic for Inej and a vodka lemonade for Kaz — giggling about the quality of dancing and the choice of music. They only leave when a bouncer recognises them and threatens to throw them out.

When the night air hits her, Inej feels like she could fly. She throws her arms out and runs down the hill of a cobbled street in a decidedly wonky line, laughing to herself and grinning up at Kaz.

"Where to now?" she asks once he's caught up.

His eyes light up with the wicked sparkle she's missed so much. "How about we find ourselves a house party?"

There's no shortage of parties in Ketterdam, especially not in the Barrel. Inej has never had much of a reason to stray this far from the university, but Kaz assures her he knows where he's going, so she's happy to follow him to their next destination.

It ends up being one of the narrow houses perched on the canal. For a Monday night, the house is packed, and as soon as Inej walks through the front door, she knows she isn't going to make it to her 9am lecture tomorrow.

They drink unnaturally flavoured punch from a bowl, and then Kaz pours himself a whiskey and Inej grabs a can of gin and tonic and they make their way into the garden.

"I'm sorry," Inej says as soon as they sit down on the unmowed grass. They aren't the only people outside, but she doubts the two women arguing at the bottom of the garden care about their conversation.

"About what?" asks Kaz. He stretches out his bad leg, laying his cane next to him. She can just see the crow's beak peeking through the long grass, and it makes her smile.

"Leaving."

She's replayed that night over and over a million times in her head, wondering what would have happened if she had stayed. The guilt kept her up at night, and now she knows the truth, she only feels worse about pressuring Kaz to tell her about his past.

"Don't apologise for that." Kaz takes a sip of his drink. "You were right to go."

She leans back on her hands, looking up at him.

"It was the push I needed," he admits. "You were right. I needed to tell someone. And losing you is the only thing worse than facing my demons."

"Still," she says.

"If you're insisting on apologising for that, then I'd like to say sorry for telling you to leave in the middle of the night."

She smiles up at the moon. "If you insist."

It's a clear night, and the wind is blowing the cool water from the canal at the bottom of the garden up to them. She shivers and edges closer to Kaz. Without saying a word, he shrugs off his blazer and wraps it tight around her shoulders.

"I missed you," she admits, burying her nose in the collar of his jacket and laying her head on his shoulder.

"I missed you too."

The two women's argument steadily increases in volume. They're both slurring their words, and are only a few steps away from the water, so Inej really hopes they can both swim.

She turns her gaze back up to the stars. She can't tell whether the alcohol is making her confident, or if the words are just long overdue, but she says them anyway.

"Kaz?"

"Mmm?"

"I think I love you."

He doesn't speak for a minute, but she doesn't risk turning to see his reaction in case she breaks the spell.

Eventually, he says, "You think?"

"I know," she quietly corrects.

"Well, in that case," he says, turning to look down at her so their faces are only a few inches away. "I know I love you too."

She closes the distance between them, Kaz's blazer slipping off one of her shoulders as she lifts her arm to wrap it around his neck.

They're rudely interrupted by a loud splash, and they break away to find one of the women flailing about in the canal.

Both of them burst out laughing at the same time, and it takes a while for them to calm down, especially when the woman squelches past them with a glare.

"What time is it?" Inej asks, when she's able to talk again.

"Time to go home," Kaz suggests. "I'll call a cab."

"Wait," she interrupts, a ridiculous revenge plot forming in her mind. "Let's call Jesper instead."

Maybe his last call was the one that got her and Kaz together, but she's still salty about being woken up at 2am.

"I'll call Jesper," Kaz says. She can only describe the grin on his face as evil, and it makes her desperate to kiss him again. "And you can call Wylan."

Laughing, they take turn making the calls. When both Jesper and Wylan have promised that they're on their way, they lie back on the grass, still giggling as they wait for their ride.

*****

Inej wakes up the next morning with her stomach rolling and stars exploding behind her eyes. She sits up slowly, Kaz's limp hand sliding off her and onto the mattress.

She rubs her eyes, trying to remember what happened last night. They went out, but how did they get home? She doesn't remember much after leaving the club, if she's honest.

Luckily, there's an orange square taped to Kaz's forehead. She leans closer to read it, not wanting to wake him up by accidentally shaving his eyebrows off.

Congratulations for sorting out your shit, Jesper's handwriting reads.

Inej smiles. There's still a million things left for both of them to say, but this time, she won't be letting Kaz go so easily.

She kisses him on the forehead, and then slips out of bed silently. Before they can face their future, she needs two things: breakfast, and a glass of water.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #six of crows #kanej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #wesper #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #helnik #matthias helvar #nina zenik #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #sabpromptweek2023 #my writing #mmb writes #the things we don't say

[caspianxth]

Hi, more thoughts, sorry<3

like yeah i agree that kaz absolutely has a heart, but i think those acts of kindness are mostly reserved for the people he loves, even if wylan is new, you can tell he's already warmed up to him, and i really dont think he'd do something kind just because for someone he feels indifferent to at best, much less someone like a king, and wait omg i just remembered he's friends with sturmhund i take it all back, he would indeed give it up for his friend. and yeah youre right about wesper it was adorable, but i dont know i needed the slow burnnnnn, but yeah given netflix penchant for with gay shit, it was necessary.

And about everything else, yeah it made sense but it was really rushed, especially in s2, and like i get that they have to make everything as fast as they can in case it gets cancelled but im sad about it, but i just really hope malina does meet in the meadow in the end, cause at this point, this show is uncharted territory and completely new and i am so excited for it, and i think that was just setting up for nikolai i bet they will make him all scary later, or at least i hope. But like MERZOST!!!!! ALINA WTF!!! i loved the shadow cut it, like alina i love that youre very powerful but pls try not to turn evil, and like shes heading exactly in the direction the darkling said she would go which is so scary and obvious in a good way i love it. And omg the darkling, like in the books its neither easy to not root for him except maybe when he dies, but here omg, you're telling me he actually felt something for alina and it was not just manipulation!!!

Also Ben Barnes makes it really hard to not be on his side, Alina is waay stronger than me, "Make me your villain", for you? anything, also very simp i loved it, so its okay they omitted a lot of his character and relationship with alina, as they basically made a new one which i like. and about the white hair thing, it was iconic!!! i needed it!! but its okay, also i think the darkling probably experienced some shit associated with his power, but probably never like that cause the only amplifier he used was his mother, and it wasnt until he used merzost he became unstoppable, and it was slowly taking its toll on him, so slowy at first that it might have even been a plot hole, cause later it starts eating him from the inside.

Anyways Ice Court Heist is coming omgomgomgomg im so excited, i cant wait to see something really serious happening with nikolai and alina, and the crows just, just, yeah. i love them. i love jesper and wylan (the characters not their relationship in this instance) so much i could die just thinking about them.

And i think that's all my thoughts until now, I apologize in advance because I WILL think about it more and I WILL bother you about it<3

sturmhond my beloved <3 best of the grishaverse men truly!! also re wesper I love them I'd die for them plus with a tv show I need smth to be happy about and kanej: glacial pace, helnik: slow burn bc of the whole hellgate sitch. like I need smth to be diggin!!! re nikolai, a nichevo'ya is not how he should look and tbh I don't like how they're doing it in the show if that's the angle they take but hopefully I'm wrong. I do think paddy gibson did kill as nikolai like when they let book nikolai pop out? slayed!!! also yeah alina like don't be doin that (merzost) baghra made u promise!! but it is a way better end than her losing all her power and I'm excited to see where they take that, I saw on twitter somewhere that leigh has lots of ideas where to take it if given more so we shall see <3 also w the darkling, like, ok so 1 he is ben barnes so that's a thing bc I've been crushing on him since prince caspian but also!! like the thing is like, he really did love her for a bit there! he had peace when she surprise kissed him!! that's the moment he went right back to in his defeat right before alina mcstabbed him (which he did deserve btw). like the heartbreaking part w darklina is they really could've had it if he'd trusted her!!! but he didn't!!! and that was his greatest weakness!!!!! I do like malina but like, for me it's nikolina >>>>>>>>>> malina sorry. book or show nikolai is just *chef's kiss*. but also re nikolai, zoyalai >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>nikolina. so like, the setup there is also *chef's kiss*.

#asks #kurtcobainsgreencardigan

[cannivalisms]

sometimes i think of the book six of crows could have been if jesper “addictive personality, infamous for his impulsive decisions, in love with kaz, and repentant over accidentally selling them all out” fahey had been the one to take the parem instead of nina

#jesper fahey #six of crows #books #notnow #like. we’ve established he doesn’t really use his power much at all in book 1. imagine him feeling it like that for the first time #realizing its potential #also with his addictive personality i just think everything could have gone so much worse (see: better) #as opposed to nina who like. suffered but overcame pretty quickly (i think? it’s been ages since ive actually read soc) #anyway i just like jesper the best and think it would have been a better direction to take that’s all. no deep literary reason #i just want him fucked up and also for the book to have properly addressed his relationship with kaz & lengths he’d go to for forgiveness #etc #(also in this version jesper would have to know about his betrayal pre parem) #this is incomprehensible but im right

[syllvane]

halfway- kaz brekker x reader

a/n: the unofficial sequel to wanting but also a standalone piece. a little ooc at the end, as a treat

“Why don’t you just say something?” Jesper asked, getting tired of the way Kaz looked at you when you weren’t looking. Kaz didn’t say anything, his hand gripping the cup that he was holding tightly. “I mean you both like each other, so why don’t you just-”

Kaz cut him off with a withering glare, a promise that Kaz would cut his tongue out if Jesper continued speaking.

Kaz finished the rest of his drink and although he tried his best, he found his gaze constantly being pulled back to you, as if you were a planet with your own gravitational pull.

Saints, he had it bad for you.

The worst part was that you didn’t even know what you were doing to him- or maybe you did and maybe you liked seeing Kaz Brekker suffer, maybe this was punishment for him putting as much distance between the two of you as humanely possible, or as much distance as Kaz could bear, anyways.

He ordered another shot and he didn't wince as it went down.

He managed to pull his gaze away from you, looking at Jesper, who had found better company in the person sitting on the other side of him.

Kaz tapped Jesper’s shoulder, who turned around and looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’d disappoint her,” Kaz said, the words falling out of his mouth before he could even register what he was saying. “That’s why I don’t meet her halfway. I’d disappoint her, and she deserves better than that.”

“You’ll disappoint her if you don’t meet her halfway,” Jesper argued and Kaz nodded solemnly, as if he had considered this.

“Maybe. I don’t think I could watch her fall out of love with me up close though. It’s better this way,” He said, motioning to the distance between the two of you.

Jesper didn’t say anything to that, mostly because he’s seen how the two of you look at each other when the other isn’t watching and he isn’t all that confident that this is the best way to handle this situation.

Kaz signaled the bartender for another shot and Jesper grabbed the shot from him, holding it high above his head.

“Jesper,” Kaz said warningly and Jesper might have been scared if Kaz wasn’t slurring his words.

“Why don’t we just slow down- do you want to go back to the Slat?”

“I’m fine,” Kaz said defensively, though it sounded as if he was not only trying to convince Jesper but himself as well.

“Kaz-”

“I said I’m fine,” He growled and Jesper frowned, drinking the shot that Kaz had ordered before wandering off, no longer interested in his company.

Kaz stood up from the bar as well and walked to his office, closing the door behind him and sitting on his chair, waiting for his mind to clear.

When you saw Kaz the next day, he was stumbling into the kitchen of the Slat, bleary-eyed.

His clothes were disheveled and you were given the distinct impression that he spent the night in his office.

His eyes met yours and he gave you a look that you think was supposed to be threatening.

“Not a word.”

The threat didn’t stop the small laugh that came out of your mouth and you saw him soften as he stood next to you, leaning his cane against the cabinets.

“You look cute,” You said, handing him the cup of coffee that you had just poured moments before. “Your blush is even cuter.”

He nearly spat out his coffee, settling for choking on it and coughing instead.

“I-”

“You hate me, you love me, you hate me for making you love me, I know. Don’t waste your breath.”

The coughing subsided but the glare he was giving you did not.

“If anyone else said that, I would’ve hit them with my cane.”

His gloved fingers brushed over yours as he handed you his half-full coffee cup.

“That’s just it though, isn’t it?” You asked, staring at the cup of coffee. “I’m not just anyone.”

He looked at you carefully, studying you closely in the morning light.

He has stolen many things before; precious jewelry, artwork, you name it.

These moments with you are the most valuable out of all of them, he thinks.

“No, you’re not just anyone,” He finally said, trying to memorize the way you looked. “You should really find someone who will meet you halfway, you know. Someone who can say ‘I love you’ back.”

You smiled, though there was an undeniable twinge of sadness in your voice as you spoke.

“I really should,” You conceded, taking a sip from his coffee mug. “You're not just anyone either, though.”

You handed him the mug back, your hands brushing against each other again. He took another sip.

“Do you think Pekka is single?” You asked thoughtfully and this time he did spit out the coffee.

“Don’t even joke about that, or I’ll…” His voice simmered out, because what could he do? Break-up with you? The two of you weren’t dating. Hurt you? You would see his empty threats for what they were.

“You’ll what?” You asked, your eyes flickering over to him, daring him to finish the sentence.

“I hate you,” He said, because it was easier than saying the truth.

“I hate you too.”

A moment passed between the two of you. He took another sip of the coffee.

“Don’t go after Pekka,” He said suddenly, the same intensity in his voice as before. “You can date anyone you want, I just… not him. Anyone but him. He is…”

“I know,” You cut him off, taking the coffee back from him. “I would never.”

You didn’t know, if you were being honest, why Kaz hated Pekka Rollins so much. You didn’t know about Jordie or about the Reaper’s Barge or about why he wore the gloves. All you knew was that it mattered to him and that was the beginning and end of everything.

A smile tugged at Kaz’s lips.

“Besides, he’s a total creep. I wouldn’t date him for a million kruge,” You added, mostly so that you could see the smile on Kaz’s face grow.

“You deserve better than him anyways,” He said, stealing back the coffee cup and taking another sip. “How’d you know I would be coming down here?”

“What?”

“The coffee. You made it the way I take it.”

He didn’t realize how much he enjoyed making you flustered until a strange expression appeared on your face, followed by a sheepish laugh.

“Oh. I… I started taking my coffee that way. So that there would be some for you if you ever wanted it.”

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know what to say, because what is love if not that?

What is love if not the countless pots of coffee that you’ve made in the hopes that he’d have some too, one day?

Standing there, he can see that you’re waiting for him to call what you’ve been doing childish or stupid, but he doesn’t.

He just stands there next to you and finishes the rest of the coffee. You turn back to keep unloading groceries.

“I’m sorry, for putting so much distance between us. For not meeting you halfway and for not even trying to,” He said shakily, the words spilling out of him before he could talk himself out of it, before he could convince himself that the two of you would be better off standing there in silence. “I don’t… I don’t know if I can love you in the way that you want to be loved- in the way that you deserve to be loved.”

You turned around to face him, tears welling in your eyes, and Kaz got the horrible feeling that he had said the wrong thing.

Instead, you grabbed both of his gloved hands tentatively.

“Saints Kaz, don’t you get it? Any way that you love me is how I want to be loved,” You said softly and Kaz let out a sigh of relief, releasing a weight that he hadn’t realized that he had been carrying. “And as for putting distance between us, you can make it up to me.”

A laugh escaped from his lips.

“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?”

“Well, for starters, finish putting groceries away with me.”

“You drive a hard bargain.”

“Yeah, well…”

#kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #six of crows x y/n #six of crows imagines #six of crows imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows x you #six of crows #shadow and bone imagines #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse x you #grishaverse

[parkersbliss]

Fourteen | K. Brekker

pairing: kaz brekker x female reader

warnings: blood, death, angst, torture(?), crooked kingdom spoilers

wc; 2.5K

synopsis: some things are better left unsaid. you learned that the hard way.

prompts: 003: I’ll never love you 010: I just want the pain to stop 017: “Just tell me that you love me! Please…”

a/n: I uh… sorry in advance? I just read a heartbreaking story before this so now there’s this

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

—

Decisions, decisions.

They weren’t easy to make, but they had to be.

It was one or nothing.

Make a choice, or you get neither.

Perhaps, not making a choice is better in this case, but you already know what the decision is.

It’s clear in your mind, and though you don’t want it to be, you’re not naive.

The world was cruel. It didn’t care for mercy.

Mercy was a luxury in Ketterdam. It was a luxury no one could afford.

Most things were unaffordable in Ketterdam, but you stayed anyway. You could leave, could’ve. Past tense. It was too late now.

And yet, you didn’t.

You stayed for the boy in the coat with a troubled past. You stayed for the hope.

Of course, you paid the price now. Mercy was expensive enough, but hope… hope simply didn’t exist. Surviving Ketterdam was a matter of kill or be killed, which is not an exaggeration. Knives are at your throat every day, and if you don’t make the choice to grab them and put them in the enemy's eyes, then you don’t survive to see the next blood bath.

For some people, that might be a relief, but others had unfinished business. The people in Ketterdam were driven by two things: money and revenge.

Both sweet and hard to retrieve, but to some, it was worth it. Every casualty was worth it if it meant getting what they wanted.

“Be ruthless, and don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do.”

Even now, you could still hear his voice in your head. At the time, it was good advice. You hadn’t expected it to be used against you.

“You should have no attachment to anything, and especially anyone. You have to be willing to let them go.”

That should’ve been the first sign. You had regarded his words with a grain of salt. You didn’t realize the meaning behind them because you thought he could learn to grow out of it. He didn’t really mean that.

Everyone says things they don’t mean in an attempt to seem stronger.

Everyone was lying.

Lies, lies, lies.

Oh, how everyone lied.

Just like how Kaz lied. He did that a lot, but never in a way that would hurt any of his crows. At least, you had thought.

“It’s a simple plan,” Kaz said, laying out the blueprints on the table. “Jesper, you will come in from this entrance, Inej and (Y/N), the roof, and I will come through the back.”

It was just the three of you.

Matthias… you didn’t speak of him. It was too sensitive of a topic. Well, it had been for Nina, at least, but then she left to return home to Ravka.

And there wasn’t a need to not speak of it, but you had all gotten used to it. Some things were better left unsaid.

Wylan was out on business, though he didn’t speak of what. Inej was often gone to traversing the seas. When she returned home, Kaz always planned the biggest heists. She was the best one here.

Jesper was still Jesper, young as ever, but that’s the plus of being Grisha. Most days, he was with Wylan, salvaging what time they had left.

Though it was plenty.

Which left you with Kaz a lot of the time. It wasn’t a bad thing, but spending too much time with someone is dangerous.

But you were drawn to him like that of a moth to the flame. Maybe it was an effort to try and fix his broken parts because you couldn’t fix your own.

You would learn soon enough Kaz didn’t want to be fixed. There was only one person that could do that.

It wasn’t you.

It never would be.

“What about the guards?” Jesper inquired, leaning against the polished wood.

“Two shots is all you’ll need. He doesn’t keep it heavily guarded,” Kaz replied.

“What if there are more?” You asked. “I doubt Black doesn’t have a few personal.”

Kaz glances at you, raising an eyebrow. “There won’t be more,” he spat. “Don’t question me.”

You wince at his tone, mumbling a sorry under your breath and letting your gaze slide to your boots.

“Jesper takes out the guards, I’ll take out any extra, and Inej and (Y/N) will head straight for the safe room. Then, Jesper will stand guard while I keep Black at bay with a deal he can’t refuse. Inej will pull the fire alarm, and then we run.”

“Will we have enough time between here and the exit?” Inej asked, using her finger to trace the space between the safe room and the central doorway. “I don’t think it’ll work, Kaz. You won’t have enough time.”

Kaz doesn’t lash out at her. His eyes linger on her face, drawing all the features he already knows in his mind. He’d memorized them before she left so that he could see her in his dreams. He did not want to forget her.

“You’re right,” He said softly, like a hushed whisper between them. An intimate moment that you shouldn’t be a witness to. “Is there a window nearby?”

“There’s one here.”

“Can you get out that way?”

You don’t bother to call him out when he only asks Inej when it’s the two of you that need to escape.

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll count in my head. You have exactly 130 seconds to get in and out.”

“Understood.”

Kaz nods, satisfied, and rolls up the blueprints and tucks them under his arm. “Be here at midnight, sharp. I’m looking at you, Jesper.”

The said boy winks, “Wouldn’t miss it, boss.”

“You would,” Inej quipped.

“Well, guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Jesper.”

“Fine. Midnight sharp.”

Kaz exits the room after that, Inej trailing after him and Jesper swings his revolvers around, instantly drawn to a gambling crowd.

That would occupy him until midnight.

You stand at the empty table, feeling just that. It was lonely.

What used to be six felt more like three, someday two. If you were lucky, four.

“Kaz,” You muttered. “When was the last time you slept?”

He shrugs. “Am I supposed to keep track?”

“Yes.”

He exhales, gripping his desk before meeting your eyes. His face softens. “I don’t know.”

“Kaz-”

He holds a hand up. “I know, I know. Coffee isn’t sufficient enough to keep me awake.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “If you know, why do you still do it?”

“It’s addictive,” he hums.

“Addiction is bad.”

“Is it?” Kaz inquired, grabbing a stack of Kruge off his desk and flipping through it. “Addiction drives us all. It’s the root of every being.”

“So what?” You snorted. “Your addiction is coffee?”

Kaz falls back into his leather seat. “Greed is my addiction. I supposed coffee as well. What’s yours?”

“You,” You breathe out. The answer had slipped from your lips with such ease. You didn't even notice.

Kaz freezes, his pen staggers in the middle of a signature.

“To be like you,” You add for good measure.

“That’s impossible.”

“So is living off coffee.”

“Then it seems we are both at an impasse.”

“It would seem so.”

Kaz’s gaze lingers on you, making your heart pound madly in your chest. “Then let’s come to an agreement.”

“What do you propose?”

“I will attempt to get a good night’s sleep if you try to be yourself.” He sticks his hand out for you to shake. You grab it, making sure it’s quick, but when you try to pull back, Kaz grips it and pulls you towards him.

“And for the record, you are my addiction as well.”

“Me?”

“To be more like you.”

He lets go after that, and you’re unsure if he’s mocking you or if he’s serious.

“Have a goodnight, (Y/N).”

“You too, Kaz.”

Jesper isn’t late. He makes it on time. Courtesy of Kaz grabbing the collar of his shirt and dragging him away from the gambler’s table.

“Do we need to review?” Kaz asked.

You all shake your heads.

“Good because I wasn’t going to.”

Kaz turns sharply on his heels and walks into the Ketterdam night. It’s no different from the day, in fact, the night is more lively. It was better for thieves and mischief. The shadows were in their favor here. The people part for the basted of the barrel; it’s common knowledge to them. They don’t think twice about it; they just move.

It makes for a quick walk to the Mercher’s house.

Jesper takes the front, Kaz the back, and Inej throws you a rope to get onto the roof. Her footsteps are silent as she looks for a way in. She finds a latch on one of the windows and calls you over.

You were always better at picking locks than her. She was better on her feet, and though Kaz tried to teach her, he had gotten fair luckier with you.

In a few clicks, the latch pops open and Inej dives in. You wait for her to clear it before dropping in. You’re not as stealthy as the wraith.

Inej was one of a kind.

You land with a soft thump, both of you waiting five seconds before making any kind of movement. Inej cracks open the door, a stream of light filling the room.

It’s empty. There's nothing except cold, bare walls and a plush rug in the center.

It doesn’t appear to be in use.

Oddly enough, it looks like it’s waiting for someone or something.

Inej taps your shoulder, using your head to gesture to the hallway. You follow after her, staying pressed up against the walls just in case.

But there’s no one; the house is eerily quiet. There are no servants, no guards, and no wife or children. You didn’t know much about Black, other than the fact that he was a wealthy merchant. He mostly kept to himself. Sometimes you’d see him at The Crow Club. He was a cold and calculated man, every move he made was planned out ten in advance.

You could tell by the way he played his cards.

“It should be right about here,” Inej said, opening the door.

At the same thing you can hear Kaz’s voice, slight panic evident. “What did you-,”

As you open the door, your legs are being kicked in, and you drop to the floor next to Inej. Two guards from behind you are quick to bound your hands together as you both push against them.

Black tuts, laughing at the fear on Kaz’s face.

Poor Jesper was knocked out on the floor at his feet.

“Did you really think you could outsmart me?” Black asked, “The power is getting to your head.”

Kaz doesn’t say anything, but his nostrils flare in anger.

“Take them,” Black dismissed, clearly speaking to the guards. “Put… Brekker in a room with the girl, not the Suli one. And put the Zemeni boy and her together.”

The guards nod, roughly seizing you all. Inej shouts in protest, trying to hit them, but she’s unsuccessful.

Kaz grunts when they lay his hands on him, but he obeys because he knows it’ll be worse if he doesn’t. They throw you and Kaz into the room you dropped into earlier. They put you back to back, and you know it’s for Kaz because he hisses every time your hand's brush.

You try not to move as much as possible because it pains you each time you hear it.

Black strolls in a moment later, leaning against the door. He wears a satisfied smirk when you and Kaz glare at him.

“Confess.”

“What?” Kaz said with a snarl.

Black holds a knife between two fingers, spinning it. “Confess something. Your deepest, darkest secret, and maybe you’ll make it out with all your limbs. The Suli girl was quick to do so, and naturally, I’m curious what you two have to offer.”

“What did she say?” Kaz asked.

“Well, maybe if yours is just as good, I’ll tell you.”

“What if it’s not interesting?”

Black pretends to think about it for a moment before throwing the knife at you. You scream when it lands itself in your leg.

Kaz flinches, hard, screwing his eyes shut.

“That,” Black taunts. “So, confession time.”

When neither of you says anything, he grabs another knife. It’s only then that you notice their Inej’s. He had at least twelve more.

“I-,” Kaz starts, but he chokes on his words. They never make it out of his mouth and Black raises his dagger.

“I’m in love with Kaz,” You blurt.

The said boy stiffens against you.

Black lowers his dagger. “Now that is juicy.”

“I’ve been in love with him since we were fourteen," You whisper, letting your head fall. It was good to get it off your chest, but you'd prefer to not have a knife sticking out of you when doing so.

“Brekker?” Black inquired. “Reply?”

Kaz doesn’t say anything.

Black rolls his eyes, tossing another knife at you, and a muffled sob leaves your lips.

“I’ll keep going.”

“Kaz, say something, pl-”

Another one, this time your stomach. You cry out, thankful that at least they’re keeping the blood from rushing out.

“These things are so fun,” Black said. “Where ever did she get them?”

More knives are thrown your way each minute Kaz doesn’t say anything. You feel like a pin doll, except alive and with knives sticking out of you.

Many knives because Kaz couldn’t open his damn mouth.

“I just want the pain to stop,” You sob, unknowingly letting your head fall on his shoulder. You’re exhausted, your body is exhausted as it fights the intrusion. It’s a losing battle. “Kaz, please.”

“I can’t.”

“Just tell me that you love me, please!” You’re begging at this point. You just want to hear those words, even when you know they aren’t true. You knew they weren’t true the moment the third knife landed itself.

“Give the girl what she wants, Brekker. Or the other one gets it.”

“I’ll never love you,” Kaz said, milliseconds after Black had threatened Inej. Somehow, that hurts more than the fourteen knives sticking out of you.

“Don’t touch her,” Kaz shouts when Black backs out of the room.

“You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes!”

Black smiles. “Well, today is your lucky day. That was her confession as well. Since you two are so cute together, I’ll let you leave. All limbs intact.”

“What?” Kaz asked.

Black walks over to you, grabbing the knife from your stomach and pulling it out roughly as you cry.

“Oh yes,” He said, “You two - three - I forgot about the Zemeni boy,” He cuts Kaz’s ties. He’s quick to be on his feet and away from the contact.

“You can leave, you can live out the rest of your lives happily.”

“Three?”

Blood rushes from your open wound. He had nicked an artery when drawing it out. You were somehow thankful for that because at least death came quicker.

It came in fourteen agonizing seconds.

It came knowing that Kaz never loved you. He never cared. And he would sacrifice anything and anyone for Inej.

You were just the first.

Addiction will kill you. You just proved it right.

“My bad,” Black apologizes. “You and the Suli girl can love each other for as long as the saints may deem, but just know, you made that choice.”

“I didn’t choose anything.”

“You did, Brekker. I’ll leave the guilty conscience to you, Dirtyhands.”

The name stings Kaz more than it usually did.

“You chose Inej,” Black said simply. “And you’ll pay the price. And do send me an invite to the wedding.”

Black is gone before Kaz can do anything, and when he looks to you.

You’re already dead.

And he wonders what the lasts words you heard were.

If it was up to him, he would’ve said: I love you too.

— END —

🏷 Kaz taglist: @kaqua

want to be added? click here!

#side note!! #kaz is NOT in love with you #he just wanted to say that to make reader happy #:((( #f in chat lads #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #soc kaz #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker one shot #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker fic #soc #six of crows #crooked kingdom #shadow and bone #sab

[goldengoddess]

fake dating with jesper fahey

request: would you be willing to do a jesper x reader fake dating for heist purposes 👀 i’m a sucker for the trope and my boy

a/n: YES oh my god my favorite trope and my favourite boy! i did it in one shot form because i think its better<3 i got a lil carried away with this one

warnings: some quick heist violence, flirty comments, nothing too intense 

“no,” you said to kaz, “absolutely not.”

he rolled his eyes and gave you a hard glare. “frankly y/n i’m not asking.”

you gripped the table tighter. you had not signed up for this. you were promised a couple of easy jobs with the dregs to get out of some trouble. a year, tops, of working under kaz brekker. that year had turned into two and now you didn’t know if you would ever leave.

but you hadn’t signed up for this.

you looked up at jesper. he twisted one of the rings on his finger and looked directly at kaz.

“you’re okay with this?” you asked him.

jesper made eyes contact with you and something in your stomach fluttered. it was unfair how breathtaking his eyes were.

“it’s just a job y/n. we get in there, talk to the mark, get our information and leave. yeah, this ones a lot messier with a lot more chance of getting caught but it’s just another job. ”

he didn’t sound too sure himself.

“except this time we’re going to have to pretend to date.” you mumbled, gathering up your things.

jesper chuckled and leaned closer to you, teasingly. “aw cmon, no need to act so disappointed i know it’s all you’ve been dreaming about since we met.”

you scoffed but felt the heat on your cheeks anyways.

kaz rolled his eyes, “save the flirting for the undercover work, yeah? y/n i’ve left you’re outfit in your room. meet outside the club at eleven bells.”

jesper followed kaz out of the room, giving you a quick wink.

oh it was going to be a long long night.

---------

you leaned against the wall of the club you and jesper would be in tonight.

you were dressed in an outfit that was too tight and too revealing and if this were any other occasion you would feel amazing in. but this wasn’t some other occasion, this was a job.

part of you wanted to pretend this was something else. that you and jesper were just two normal people who liked each other and wanted to go out on a date drinking.

but no. you and jesper were co workers who relied on the safety and money of kaz brekker. you were on a fake date, you were a fake couple.

the truth was, your feelings for jesper were anything but fake. the sharpshooter had you head over heels with one small smirk the day you met him.

but jesper’s ego didn’t need your confession of your feelings and you didn’t need a ruined friendship, so you kept your mouth shut.

but this job seemed impossible. it would be totally impossible for you to keep your cool as jesper pretended to be madly in love with you.

speak of the devil, you thought as jesper strutted towards you.

“ah love, you didn’t even give me a chance to pick you up. i’m a gentleman you have to let me show it to you” he joked and wrapped his arm around your waist.

you let out a breath and rolled your eyes, “let’s just get this over with.”

“i can see how eager you are to go out with me angel face” jesper said.

the two of you stepped into the club, the music was loud and people were pressed up against each other.

jesper led you to one of the tables close to the corner but not too far from the real action of the club.

he pulled out on chair and took a seat. you made a move to pull out another but jesper grabbed you by the arm and pulled you down onto his lap.

“gotta make it look real” he whispered into your ear.

you let out a huff and wiggled to get comfortable on his chair.

he laughed, “cmon, cant even pretend to like me? i know you do, just admit it you can’t resist this handsome face.”

you tried to laugh along, knowing he was only messing around with you.

but your heart was hammering in your chest and you could feel jesper’s breath tickling your neck.

if one of the guys in here that wanted to kill you and your team didn’t take you out tonight, a heart attack caused by jesper fahey’s beautiful scent just might.

the man you two had to talk to was standing near the bar, scanning the club. you quickly angled your body so you faced jesper more fully and started running your fingers through his hair.

“what are you doing?” he asked in an amused voice.

“he’s watching” you mumbled, “gotta make it look believable.” saints, how was his hair so nice?

jesper closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. he let out a soft hum of pleasure and you swore you would do anything to be the only one to hear that sound forever.

but before you had the chance to contemplate that, reality struck.

“he’s coming over” you warned jesper as you saw the man the two of you needed to get some information from walking towards your table. you moved your hands onto your lap and moved so your back was pressed to jesper’s chest.

jesper’s grip on your hips tightened and you tried to give him a reassuring smile, everything was going to be fine right?

“remember, you’re madly in love with me” he whispered right before the man sat down in front of the two of you.

oh how right you were jesper

“oh look what a happy couple, the two of you look great together” the man in front of you said.

you let out a giggle and leaned into jespers body, “thank you.”

“how long have the two of you been together?”

“a couple of years,” jesper answered naturally, “she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

the world felt so genuine that you felt your body sway from surprise, but you quickly regained your composure.

“what about you, any special person in your life?” you mused, trying to learn more about this man.

he shook his head, “i haven’t been so lucky as the two of you have. tell me, what is your favorite thing about your boyfriend here.”

that was not a question you were expecting, the man seemed overly interested in the two of you. your suspicion grew. but you knew you had to answer the question regardless if this was starting to feel like a set up.

you thought for a moment. but when you opened your mouth the words came naturally.

“he notices everything. i’ll be having a slightly bad day, maybe the weather is bad or i slept in too late, and i’ll only be slightly moody and he’ll notice. and he notices the things i like too. he learned my favorite ice cream flavor just based on the way my gaze lingered in an ice cream parlor. he knows everything about you before you know it yourself.”

you should stop. you should stop right now.

“and he’s reliable. yeah he may be late for a meeting or wander off during an important moment but if you need him, he’s there. he’s a constant presence in my life, i couldn’t imagine working without him by my side. jesper is the best thing in my life too.”

you realized your mistake too late. yeah you’d basically gushed about the boy you loved to a total stranger and probably made it painfully obvious to jesper that you loved him but you’d also used his real name. his real name. rookie move.

“jesper? why does that name sound familiar to me?” the man asked.

before you could even register what was going on, the room was filled with the sound of gun shots and you and jesper were on the ground.

you two sprung into motion, jesper with his guns blazing as you knocked out any armed person in your vicinity.

during a good moment jesper grabbed your wrist and the two of you ran out the club down the streets. but you could hear a group of men chasing you, hot on your tail.

you cursed under your breath, why saints why?

jesper pulled you into an ally and pressed you against the wall, making the ‘sh’ motion with his fingers.

if this were any other moment and you two were any other person, you’d enjoy the particular position you found yourself in. but you reminded yourself that you were being chased by criminals that might notice two figures hanging out in an ally.

you looked at jesper and he was finally looking at you. he gave you a sad smile, “i’m sorry for what i’m about to do in advance and i’m sorry this is the way i do it for the first time.”

and suddenly jesper’s lips were on yours and you were kissing jesper fahey. jesper fahey.

you only slightly registered the men chasing you run past the alleyway without a second glance.

one of you pulled away first and you stood there trying to catch your breath.

“um great quick thinking” you said. he had kissed you because he knew no one would question two kids kissing in the dark against a wall.

he let out a little laugh but he was just as flustered as you, “best thinking i’ve ever had.”

it was silent for a second, the night air felt suffocating and consuming and you couldn’t wait to be back at the slat in your own bed.

“did you mean what you said in there?” he asked you.

“did you?” you whispered back, as you looked at him through your eyelashes.

“i did”

“then i did too”

he pressed himself closer to you and brushed his lips against yours, “good. then when this is all over remind me to take you out on a date.”

did he just

date ?!

jesper stepped away from you and checked the main road before he grabbed your hand and pulled you the direction of the crow club.

“you coming angel face?”

you grinned and then burst into a sprint right alongside jesper.

#jesper fahey hc #jesper fahey #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey imagine #jesper x wylan #kaz brekker #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #nina zenik #inej gahfa #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows imagine #wylan van eck #grisha #leigh bardugo #matthias helvar

[ladydaemon]

SICK DAYS

kaz brekker x female! reader

A/N: Yes, I realize how cliché and very non-Kaz this is. I tried my best guys, but I am in the mood for fluff and only fluff so yeah.

Summary: After a night in the rain, Y/N has a cold and it's up to Kaz to take care of her, a difficult task indeed.

Warnings: swearing, really horrible writing, not proofread writing, just me spitting out Words™ at three in the morning

Dangerous assassins do not need sick days.

It was an extremely hypocritical thought, and Y/N knew it. She thought the thought anyway, because at this point, there seemed to be no aspect in her life that was not fueled entirely by spite.

"Please, for the love of the Saints, go to sleep, Y/N," Inej begged, forcing the woman back onto the bed. "You are sick. You need rest."

"I do not need rest, I need caffeine and waffles," the wheezing woman replied stubbornly, trying to get past Inej, who was blocking the doorway of her room. The Slat, usually thundering with noise and chatter, was silent as the grave - it was one of the rare days in Ketterdam where it was sunny, and everyone was either out enjoying the weather or enjoying pickpocketing someone who was enjoying the weather. "I am a grown-ass woman who also happens to be very good at using the bang-bang machines we call guns so please move aside, I need fresh air."

It was arguably entirely Y/N's fault that she was stuck inside in the first place - first, she had stayed out in the rain too long, despite Kaz's numerous protests. Second, she had, in a grave act of stupidity, gone down for breakfast the next morning. Normally, this would not have been a problem. However, on this particular day, her eyes were red and swollen and itchy and her lungs hurt and it was generally very obvious that she had a cold.

These were the deciding factors which led to her ultimate demise:

House arrest.

Though the fact that she was notorious for her spontaneous, impulsive, reckless, throw-caution-to-the-wind nature (along with the fact that Kaz, from multiple bad experiences he would rather not repeat, knew that she had nearly no self-preservation skills) probably had something to with it.

Also she apparently needed a chaperone. Which was probably a good idea, but Y/N wasn't about to admit that anytime soon.

"You are seventeen and you have a window, darling," the smooth voice of one Kaz Brekker, the devil himself, interrupted Y/N's feeble excuse of an escape.

"But Kaz," Y/N whined, pouting. Inej gave the man an exasperated look as if to say, See what I've been dealing with?

"Darling, you'll only have to stay here longer if you don't try and get better."

"Still."

Kaz, lips twitching in a very non-Kaz way, turned to Inej. "You can go. I suppose I'll play nursemaid."

The Wraith chucked darkly, already stepping out Y/N's window. "Good luck with that."

As soon as she had climbed out the room and was well out of earshot, Kaz turned on his heel and walked out. Y/N, thoroughly confused, took a second to contemplate whether this act was meant that she was officially free, or that she was supposed to follow him. Her question was answered a moment later when he called out, not sparing her a backwards glance, "Are you coming?"

She sighed dejectedly, following him up the stairs to hid room. With a flamboyant and smug bow, he opened the door for her. "Ladies first."

She rolled her eyes at him but entered the room nonetheless. Kaz closed the door behind him and strode heavily to his desk, taking the time to shuffle and order some papers. Y/N stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure as to what in the hell she was supposed to do. Kaz flicked his eyes up to her and jerked his head towards the black-sheeted bed that occupied almost a fourth of the room.

She stared at it for a moment. "You want me to sleep. On your bed. While you watch." It came out more an incredulous statement than a question.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I can't devote all my time to taking care of you, and I also can't leave you alone unsupervised while ill. This is our compromise," Kaz explained somewhat impatiently.

"I am not going to get in that crusty-ass bed, that, in case you have forgotten, belongs to my boss, AKA you. For all I know you sleep nude."

One of Kaz's eyebrows twitched. "The sheets were changed this morning. And for the record, I don't."

"Still not going to do it. That takes the creepy-o-meter to like, a thousand."

"You're a criminal who spies on brothels. This is nothing."

"Still not doing it. This feels fundamentally wrong."

"I'll buy you a nice dagger if you just shut up and get in the damn bed." Saints, he was already exasperated, and he had barely been here five minutes. A new respect for Inej found its way into his being.

Y/N went quiet for a minute, considering. "One of the serrated ones with the fancy gilded handles?"

"Whatever dagger your heart desires."

"Two daggers and a gun."

"One dagger and a gun."

"Deal," Y/N decided, plopping down on the bed. It still felt wrong, but she did need a new dagger - Wylan had blown hers up in a previous job.

She carefully peeled the pristine sheets and blankets away from the mattress, half expecting a dozen poisonous things to pop out. The only thing it released was the strangely comforting smell of wood oil and ink (and a bit of gunpowder, but this was Kaz Brekker we're talking about).

Y/N slipped beneath the covers, her head resting comfortably on the cloud-like pillows.

I bet this bitch sleeps like a baby every night.

"I can still beat your ass, Brekker," she mumbled. Yeah, she was sick, but she also had a reputation to uphold.

"On a regular day, I have no doubt about it. Currently, you are prohibited from doing anything that isn't sleeping, peeing, or contemplating life. Doctor's orders."

"Well, I'm going to go pee then. More freedom." She attempted to stand up from the surprisingly soft bed but the in the second it took for her to try and stand, Kaz, moving surprisingly quickly for a man with a cane, pinned her to the bed by her shoulders with an exasperated sigh.

"Just stay still. Please," he breathed.

"Get me a sweet bun and maybe," she breathed back, but didn't move. Despite her almost child-like demeanor, she was one of the original Dregs, here as a child even before Kaz. He had been the only one her age when he had joined, so naturally, she had befriended him (well, as much as you can befriend Kaz Brekker). She knew about his phobia of touch, and how much it meant that he was touching her, even with his gloves on.

Kaz released her with a sigh and stalked over to his desk where he rummaged around for a bit until he produced a small tin that looked abut as old as he was. He tossed it at her and she grabbed it, opening it to see some biscuits that looked as hard as rocks. "That's all I have, and all you're going get. Don't break a tooth."

Y/N sighed, staring at the biscuits mournfully before taking one out of the tin and gnawing on it. It would have been easier to bite on the barrel of one of Jesper's guns. "You're mean."

"You're acting like a petulant child."

Y/N made a disgruntled noise from the back of her throat, sinking back into the silk pillows and wrapping the blankets tighter around her. She had made no visible mark on the cookie, and had only succeeded in covering it with slobber. She put it back in the tin and noticed Kaz wrinkle his nose at her.

She doubted the biscuits would ever see the light of day again.

She watched Kaz do his paperwork, a surprisingly interesting thing to do. He had taken off his hat and jacket, and rolled up his sleeves. He even took his gloves off, preferring to use a pen without the ridiculous slipperiness of the leather. The papers shuffled in a soothing rhythm, and soon, Y/N began to feel less cooped up and a bit more relaxed.

Ever since she had been taken away from her family and thrown onto the tiny slaving ship, Y/N had always had a touch of claustrophobia (well, it was a bit more than a touch, but she wasn't willing to admit that just yet). The tiny room with a mattress on the flooor was really just a decoration at this point - she slept on the roof most nights and every waking hour was in Ketterdam, simply walking if there were no pockets to be picked.

Drowsily, she watched as Kaz scratched something out on paper, his face creasing ever so slightly. The pen made a nice sound, she found, and paired with the strangely calming scent of his room and the rustling of papers, it made her feel almost like it was rainy day, the kind where you curled up by the fire and read a book or cuddled with someone.

"I doubt staring at my face will help you fall asleep, love," Kaz noted without looking up from his work.

"Your face is the most interesting thing here."

For the barest fraction of a second, Kaz looked like he had short-circuited. The moment was gone as soon as it came, however, and he simply raised an eyebrow at her. "You're very immature sometimes."

"Thanks!" Y/N said cheerfully. "It was the trauma."

"Trauma hardens people, it doesn't make them softer," Kaz dismissed.

"I agree wholeheartedly. However, there's a difference between an excellent mask and incompetence," she replied. "Now come over here and show what's bothering you, I can see it on your face."

Kaz looked up at her, noting the fact that she probably wouldn't shut up unless he did as she asked. He rolled his eyes, hobbling over to the bed. As he sat, she could feel his weight pushing the mattress down.

Before he could say a word, she snatched the paper in his hands and began scanning it. "What's wrong with it?"

"The numbers don't add up."

She stared at the document for another second, then back up at Kaz. "Who are you and what have you done with Kaz Brekker?"

He blinked at her.

"You forgot to carry the one. The numbers don't add up because you... well, added them wrong," she explained softly. She looked up at him, concern crossing her features. "Do you need a nap?"

Kaz huffed out a breath. "I'm fine. You're just distracting me, that's all."

"We're going to ignore the fact that you think I'm distracting and instead focus on the fact that you have not slept in several days."

Kaz's nostrils flared slightly in indignation. Before he could speak, however, Y/N cut him off. "Kaz, I have known you since I was eleven. I'm also not fucking blind. Yes, I know you are essentially running a mafia at age seventeen. Yes, I know you are under pressure. Yes, I know there is at any given moment a bounty on your head. Yes, I know I am sick and it is technically your job to take care of me. But can we please just make a deal or a truce or something in which you get some fucking rest?"

Kaz was quiet for a moment before the corner of his mouth twitched. "Always the mother hen for everyone except yourself."

She was startled into a laugh. "What can I saw, I was a born hypocrite."

Kaz did end up getting a couple hours of sleep, even if it was at Y/N's insistence.

However, he almost regretted it when Jesper barged in and, with a gleeful cackle, found them both sleeping in the same bed with one of his legs pressed up against hers - Kaz's version of flat-out cuddling.

Almost.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #grishaverse #kaz brekker imagine

[yesimwriting]

The Promise of Rain, blurb 2

The Promise of Rain (part 2?? technically) 

A/n I was not originally planning a second part for this but some people wanted it and this idea came to me and it works better with the context of ‘The Promise of Rain’ but it can technically be read as a stand alone :))

Anyways this might turn into a small series of kinda connected blurbs that are all kind of canon with each other but aren’t necessarily connected except for the reader’s background (the reader is a very sunshine-y person and knows Kaz bc she’s a runaway princess that he was hired to bring back home but she managed to convince him to let her work for him instead)

--

The night air had left me with a chill that made me want nothing more than to have my covers draped over me as I read. I’m normally more sociable after a job, especially after such a simple and safe ending, but a lot of tonight had left me wanting to be alone. 

Well, not truly alone. The company of my books is always welcomed, but tonight I can’t seem to find much comfort within the pages. After almost every paragraph, I find myself distracted by gusts of wind and thoughts of the heavy, silver clouds that seem to make up tonight. A part of me longs for the rain. I know it’s ridiculous to expect rain each time I desire some sense of comfort, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Especially when the sky so clearly implies it. 

“This must be the fifth time I’ve come here and you’ve been reading.” Kaz’s sudden appearance is almost enough to shake away my lingering somberness. 

I roll my eyes slightly, turning my attention back to the page in front of me. “That observation is just a testament to how often you come in here.” 

His glare is half hearted, a look I’d find endearing if I was less annoyed. “Where else am I going to find a reminder that good people exist in Ketterdam?” 

I think he may have a sixth sense that warns him when I’m treading the line between being annoyed and displeased. Everytime I find myself mad at him in a way that makes me want to avoid him instead of yell at him, Kaz makes some ridiculously heart-melting comment. He steps further into the room. I don’t miss the way he eyes my stretched out legs. Ever since the conversation we had after he woke up after an injury, we’ve fallen into the unmentioned habit of silently inviting the other to stay by moving to make room for them. 

It had started the day after the conversation in which Kaz had admitted that he wanted me to stay with him. He had been sitting on the small couch while discussing the details of a job. Shortly after I walked in he made a point of shifting so that he was clearly on one side of the couch. I didn’t think much about sitting down, but Inej and Jesper exchanged a look. 

Now, though, I keep my legs stretched out on the bed. He eyes my position on the bed, something grim crossing his features. 

“It might rain tonight.” 

He knows me so damn well. I hate it. “I hope so.”

I turn my head, analyzing the way the world seems to be on the cusp of something. I stare at the silver clouds until I feel something hard tap my leg. The tap is firm but not painful. I’m quick to look at Kaz as he lowers his cane. The mention of rain had been a distraction. 

“You distracted me on purpose.” 

“The first rule of the Barrel is to always be prepared.” There’s a slight uptilt to his lips, something I’ve learned to interpret as a sign of teasing. 

How is he so easy to be around one second and so cold the next? I resist a smile. “I’ll take notes.” 

Kaz ignores my passive aggressive tone. His focus seems to be on my legs that have still not moved to offer him a place next to me. “You wear your emotions too openly.” Great, he’s going to make us talk about it. “What reason could you possibly have to be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” It’s a partial truth. 

His expression harshens. “Don’t lie.” 

“I’m not thrilled with you, but I don’t think that’s the same as being mad.” 

Kaz lets out a partial sigh. “No, they’re not the same.” Such an early concession feels like a trap. “With you, the first option is worse.” I don’t have anything to say to that. “Is this because of what I said to Jesper?” 

My posture straightens on instinct. “He wants your validation more than he’d ever admit and I understand that expressing praise isn’t exactly something you do, but would it kill you to not actively insult him?” 

“I didn’t say anything that was wrong. He thinks he’s a gambler but he’s just someone born for losses.” The look I give him must mean something to him, because Kaz is quick to tact on, “That doesn’t make him less valuable of an asset or less relatively dependable.” 

I eye him cautiously, the slightest bit of vulnerability playing at his features. “Don’t look at me like that--and don’t tell me that. Jesper’s the one who could use the occasional reminder from you that you hold him to any regard with positive connotations.” His lips press together like he’s thinking about scolding me for scolding him. “It’s only because I know you care more about Jesper than you’d ever let on.” 

“Jesper’s esteem can handle the blow.” The curtness of his voice is a blow in its own sense. “And he didn’t exactly deserve to be in my good graces after what he did tonight.” 

My sigh is not weighted enough to match Kaz’s newfound fountain of emotion. “We were successful--”

“He left you.” I didn’t know Kaz’s voice was capable of such harshness. “I paired him with you, and he left you--and you almost didn’t make it.” I let the weight of his words take up all the available space in the room, keeping the silence that follows them until some of the heaviness has dissipated. “He could have cost me one of my best people.”

Oh. His harshness, his unwarranted coldness, had been a manifestation of his concern. For me. Guilt knots my stomach. Potential words that may offer Kaz some sort of support raise and die back down in my throat. Kaz turns towards the door. 

“Kaz.” He pauses. There’s a long moment in which I think he won’t turn around, but finally, he does. I tuck my legs beneath me, forcing myself to sit up a little straighter. “I told Jesper to leave because I knew the job would have failed if he had been trapped in that room with me.” I drop my gaze towards the window. “I was right, the job was successful, and I got out in time so it was worth it.”

“You risked your safety?” The harsh facet of his being is making its return in full force. 

“For the job,” I’m careful to keep my words factual, “It’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Kaz’s jaw locks. “When I said that keeping you near me would ruin you this is what I meant.” 

Is it really this big of a deal? I made it out. “Kaz.”

“This wasn’t my best idea.” His words are leached of anything. “You’re going back home. Tomorrow I’ll arrange the voyage myse--” 

“Kaz Brekker you may get to live your life doing anything you want but you don’t get to control mine.” My chin raises an inch, an instinctual act of subtle rebellion. “I am not going back there, even if I’m technically indebted to you because you didn’t return me to my father but that does not mean I’ll--”

“I’m not trying to control you.” His words are sharp, boarding on a yell. “A job like that one wasn’t worth you.” 

From Kaz, I know those words are heavy. There’s a lot of things I could say to that. I could tell him that I wanted to do something for him. I could say that I appreciate him telling me that. I could even say that in his own way, Kaz giving Jesper a hard time because he left me, is kind of cute in a misguided way. The thing is I think all of these responses will make things worse. 

“Kaz,” I keep my voice as steady as possible, “I’m fine, you’re fine, it all worked out.” Scratching the back of my arm, I exhale gently. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.” 

I watch him carefully, there’s a slight slump to his shoulders as he exhales. Is the fight leaving him so easily? He walks further into the room. “You better.” He sits down in the space I provided for him slowly. “If you’re not you’ll have worse things to worry about than anything that can happen to you on a job.” He moves his cane forward easily, tapping my knee in a swift motion. 

I roll my eyes at the mock threat. “They do say that there’s nothing to fear in the Barrel like the Dirtyhands.” 

“Remember that.” Any edge in his voice is forced. I fight against a smile that seems to always want to break across my face whenever I think I see something resembling lightness in Kaz. 

“I don’t think I could forget anything about you.” 

He turns his head slightly. “You should.” 

“Too bad.” 

Kaz leans his back against the wall, untensing slightly. “I think you just like disagreeing with me.” 

There’s no point in lying about it. “Only because when you argue with me you give me this really particular look.” 

“A look?” 

Adding insult to injury, I smile. “Sometimes you look like you’re too focused on being angry, like you’re compensating for something.” 

Kaz lets out a bitter sigh. “Maybe if you were less of a puppy I wouldn’t have to--”

The laugh that escapes is most definitely a mistake. “Did you just call me a puppy?” I don’t give him a chance to reply, laughter taking over again. “I mean this in the least argumentative way possible--but you’re so weird sometimes.” 

He rolls his eyes, tensing. “I’m leaving.”

I stifle the rest of my laughter. “No. I was--I was kidding!” I keep my eyes on Kaz, expecting some type of annoyed glare, but his expression is a lot more weighted than that. Odd. “Kaz?” 

“You need to be more careful.” I understand Kaz’s pause as something he does before saying something outside of his nature. “I’m not asking you this as a Crow or a Dreg.” 

On instinct, my posture straightens. “I promised and I meant it.” 

“Sometimes I wish I could believe in Saints,” his voice has taken off a distant quality, almost fragile, “That way I could believe something existed to help what matters.” 

Oh. “You never fail, even if I didn’t believe in Saints I’d believe in you.” 

“You’re wasting your faith.” The sound of lightning cracking is almost enough to make me jump. The rain finally came. 

I know I’ll never convince him that that’s not true. “I don’t think so, but that’s why it’s called faith.” 

“I have faith in some things.” His expression is far off. 

“Like what?” 

Kaz’s eyes find the window. “People that find meaning in the rain.” 

Something in my chest swells. “You’re like the rain.”

We sit there in silence, watching raindrops glide down the window. “What were you reading?” 

The question has me dropping my gaze to the forgotten book on my lap. “I stole this book from the palace before I left. It was my mom’s favorite, she’s read it so much the spine’s completely cracked and the cover is practically falling off.” 

“Hm…” He mumbles. “Read some, the books read in a palace must be worthwhile.” 

A part of me wants to tell him that elitism has no place in literature, but his request leaves me frozen. I nod once, turning to the first page of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife--” 

“Your upbringing makes sense--” 

“You can’t judge it off the first sentence,” he’s insufferable, “It’s setting up irony, and if you’re going to complain--” 

He lets out a conceding sigh. “I’m listening, I’m not interrupting.” 

I keep my eyes on him for a second longer than I should. “Okay.” Dropping my gaze back to the book, I adjust my grip on the worn paperback, “Good.” 

And then I keep reading. 

--

@theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag 

#six of crows #six of crows x reader #soc #soc imagine #six of crows imagine #six of crows x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone show #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x you #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #imagines #kaz brekker imagine #my works #blurb #x reader #grishaverse #grisha x reader #grisha #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse imagine

[pink-surftable]

Hii i was wondering if u can do a kaz one shot based on

“are you ok?” “no but a kiss might help”

Maybe they have already are in a long term relationship and it doesn’t have to be in the lips maybe a kiss on the cheeks idk

I’m sorry the idea is so messy it is ok if u don’t feel comfortable or just don’t want to do it thanks anyway ☺️

Better? | Kaz Brekker

kaz brekker x fem!reader

hey! i absolutely loved this request it was so cute🥺. i hope you like it, sorry for the long wait! <3 @montsepliego

ps: english is not my first language so if there are some gramatical mistakes i would love if you pointed them out so i can improve.

—————————————✦————————————

The hours after a mission were always tiring.

When the adrenaline wore off and everyone settled down and only the noises of the wind could be heard, you and Kaz could be found in a comfortable silence just basking in the calmness at his office in the Slat.

Jesper was probably off with Inej and Wylan, ready to lose all his well earned money in a sitting and Matthias and Nina were resting at their room, relishing each other's company with the tranquility that only these hours allowed.

You were lying in Kaz’s bed looking at him working at his desk like he always did. This mission had been particularly hard for you. Your leg had been badly injured and even though Nina had helped, it still felt sore. Kaz had been by your side in seconds, commanding Jesper to pick you up and take you back home, where he took care of you to the best of his abilities.

Still it always amused you how little time Kaz took to take care of himself. Obviously running a deathly gang at 17 could be quite tiring and it required a lot of effort and time but still you wondered how he managed. Deep down you knew why he did it, though. He jumped from activities to activities, from heists to paperwork, to not allow his mind to wander. So the haunting memories of the past would not come back. As to not feel. But it was hard for Kaz Brekker not to feel when you were around.

The huge amount of emotions Kaz managed to hide during the day went all crumbling down as soon as he was alone with you.

It took time, of course it did, for him to come to terms with his overwhelming feelings. But eventually he did and it was the happiest the both of you had been in a while. The little ray of light that Kaz allowed to shine through the dark clouds of The Barrel.

You were pulled from your thoughts when you felt the bed dipped beside you. Looking up you saw him sitting right next to your body, staring at you with a fondness only reserved for you. “Are you okay?” he asked, moving a strand of your hair with his gloved hands “No, but a kiss might help” you replied with a childish pout, which Kaz found extremely adorable, although he would never say.

You were teasing him and he knew it, but what you didn’t expect was to feel his slightly chapped lips on your cheek, leaving a fleeting kiss that was gone before you noticed.

“Better?” he asked with a grin. You weren’t able to think, your eyes lit up and a beaming smile grazed your face “The best I will ever be”

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #leigh bardugo #mattias helvar #nina zenik #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows #crooked kingdom #grisha #fanfiction #grishaverse #my writing #kaz brekker x fem!reader #shadow and bone #request #six of crows blurb #prompt #kaz brekker headcanons #kaz brekker blurb #the grisha trilogy #freddy carter