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rmbz101 · 1 year

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Hidden Magic

This is my first Boy’s Planet fic. (To my followers from other fandoms Boy’s Planet is a kpop survival show that’s currently airing)

I would post it on ao3 but there are a bunch of parts that are mostly just summary.

It’s a Seok Matthew centric au. Featuring pre-relationship matthaobin (Seok Matthew, Sung Hanbin, and Zhang Hao) and magic.

This is an advance warning that it’s very long (10 pages in google docs), but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Hanbin and Hao are princes of neighboring kingdoms. Both have strong magical abilities and are lauded as the best of their generation.

Hao is the most controlled fire mage in centuries. Fire is the element known for being easy to make but hard to control. Plenty of people can make huge fireballs, but they’re hard to direct, hard to prevent from burning down everything around them. So sure Hao can create infernos in seconds, but what’s more impressive is that he can keep them hovering safely around him waiting to be directed. And what really got people’s attention was when they discovered he can create tiny detailed scenes with little twists of his flames.

Hanbin is the most powerful water mage in centuries. Water is the element known for being easy to manipulate but hard to make powerful. Reforming water is no big deal, but most have to have that water already there and so are severely limited by location. So Hanbin's ability to reroute a river wasn’t taken too seriously, but the time when he created a rain cloud in the entrance hall was, and even more so the time when he almost flooded a foreign prince's castle.

Their two kingdoms have been at peace for centuries, but despite that, Hao and Hanbin have met face to face very few times. They write letters to each other, but both spend much of their time in lessons learning how to lead their kingdoms.

The last time they saw each other they were 14 and now, four years later, they’re adults and finally of age to attend the best magic academy in the nations.

Hao is sent with 7 attendants none of whom are old enough to actually attend classes. Thus they are given apprenticeships in the town around the school’s castle and they return to the castle in the evening once classes have finished.

Hanbin is sent with only one “attendant” who is just barely old enough to be enrolled. He’s been Hanbin’s manservant for years and everyone in their castle knows full well that Matthew is more of a best friend than a servant.

Matthew is a weird case, he clearly has magic and can do all of the basic non element specific magical exercises but can’t do any of the basic exercises for determining an element, let alone the ones for controlling them.

Hao gets along with Hanbin even better in person than over letters and quickly clicks with Matthew as well. The three are soon known throughout the school as a trio and it’s rare to see one without the others when they’re not in class.

A few months in and Hanbin and Hao are excelling exactly as expected. Matthew is doing amazingly at all the theory and non-elemental work he’s given, he seems to understand magic in a way no one’s seen before, but he still has yet to actually use an element. Since they don’t know what element he is, he takes classes from all four tracks. His teachers love him but are very worried about why he seems unable to progress.

One of the few classes the three boys all have together is Wild Magic, a class designed to teach them how to connect with and eventually use the magic found around them rather than their own.

See, most mages instinctively use their own magic to force the elements to do what they want. Good mages, like Hanbin and Hao, can make their magic connect with that of their element and guide the element so it does what they want. Great mages can simply reach out and control the element’s magic itself without needing to use their own. This is why Hanbin and Hao still have to take the class.

One day this class is taking a field trip to the nearby woods. They are supposed to spend the day surrounded by the elements and attempting to reach out and get a feel for what their elements’ magic feels like.

Hanbin and Hao have no problem doing this and so basically just get a free day to hang out in the woods. They get permission from the teachers to wander so long as they don’t go too far, and to take Matthew as long as he promises to keep his magic extended outwards the whole time. Afterall Matthew doesn’t exactly have a specific element to be focusing on connecting to. They’re told to be back by four or the teachers will assume something’s wrong and track them down.

The three have a great day, they climb trees, go swimming in a pond, have a picnic, and decorate each other with flowers.

It’s as they’re heading back to the group that things go wrong. Hao and Hanbin are princes and so while there are many things they know, which berries are safe to eat is not one of them. All the berries they’ve ever been around were the ones served with meals, so neither of them thinks twice about picking and eating some of the berries they pass.

Matthew is a little ways behind them. He felt guilty about having so much fun while his classmates were all working especially since he feels like he’s behind. So he decided to spend the walk back with his magic extended out as far as he can send it. (Which is pretty far since he’s spent years only able to work on things like distance and control of his own magic.)

When he catches up to them he’s too late to stop them from eating the berries that he knows full well are poisonous.

He reaches them as they collapse.

He quickly sends out a panicked burst of magic in the direction of their teachers, hoping that for once it’ll do something that’ll get their attention. He tries to get them to drink some water and then sits by their side holding their hands and desperately hoping that they’ll be okay.

Lee Seokhoon is surprised to feel something he’s never felt before, a foreign magic reaching out and tugging on him (partially on his magic but also partially on something deeper, something more core to his very self) pulling him in a direction with a clear feeling of panic. He doesn’t know why this fills him with such a sense of urgency, why he doesn’t even question the feeling before taking off in a sprint towards the source of that magic, using his own control of the air to push him faster.

He arrives to see Matthew tightly holding the hands of the two prodigies who are unconscious beside him with his eyes squeezed shut. His face is screwed up in worry and there are tears leaking out from under his eyelids. The three are surrounded by a faint glow. When Matthew opens his eyes Seokhoon notices just how pale he is.

As Seokhoon lifts the two with some air Matthew explains what happened while not letting go of the other boys’ hands. Seokhoon decides it would be cruel to separate Matthew from the other two. So he lifts all four of them up on a platform of air and flies them back to the school, dropping a note to the other teacher as they fly over.

When they reach the medical room Matthew is even paler than before and seems to be swaying back and forth.

The lead doctor looks the two boys over before doing a double take. She turns to Matthew and Seokhoon and confirms what type of berry they’d eaten. With the confirmation her forehead wrinkles, but she makes a paste and gets the two boys to swallow it.

She turns back to them and tells them that the type of berry they ate should have put the two on the edge of death by this point. That she should have had to rush if she wanted even the slightest chance to save them. But instead they had both seemed like they had only just eaten them, barely having any effects.

Just as she finishes speaking Matthew’s vision starts to go blurry, the room starts spinning and the ringing, that he’d been assuming was from his panic, suddenly spikes. He feels himself list to the side and then nothing.

Hao is the first to wake up. He blinks his eyes open confused as to why he’s so cold. He startles as he hears Ricky (the most senior of his attendants) loudly exclaim. Within seconds the doctor is fussing over him checking his vitals, asking him how he feels, and telling him not to leave his bed.

When she’s finished Hao looks over at Ricky and asks what happened. Ricky explains that Hanbin and he had eaten poisonous berries and had been unconscious for the past six hours. Hao looks where Ricky gestures and sees Hanbin laying in the next bed over.

As if all he needed was Hao’s eyes, Hanbin stirs and the cycle of getting fussed over repeats.

Once the doctor’s finished, Ricky explains everything again to Hanbin. When he seems to be finished speaking Hanbin nods before suddenly gasping and asking where Matthew is.

Hao quickly realizes how strange it is that Ricky is there for him but Matthew isn’t there for Hanbin.

Ricky seems nervous in the face of both of their rising panic.He tells them that Matthew had been with them when they passed out and had been brought back with them but had passed out from unknown causes.

The two are even more frantic and ask where he is. Ricky tells them that he was put in the quarantine room until the lead doctor can figure out what happened.

Even as he says that, the door opens and Matthew is brought in and put on a bed near the other wall.

Hanbin calls the doctor over and asks what’s wrong with Matthew. The doctor explains that for some reason Matthew seems to be suffering from magic exhaustion despite there having been no signs of him suddenly gaining an outlet for his magic in the spot Mr. Lee had found them.

Magic exhaustion is a nasty thing that most mages only experience when they’re very young and still learning their limits. It only takes one experience of being unable to get out of bed for a week, unable to control their element, for most to not push their magic too hard.

The doctor asks if he’d managed to control an element earlier that day. Hanbin and Hao confirm that he hadn’t and the doctor admits that she’s not entirely sure how Matthew had exhausted his magic then.

The two are asked to remain in the medical room for observation overnight and then they can go to classes the next day. Ricky offers to step in as Hanbin’s attendant while Matthew can’t, but Hanbin refuses. He’s only ever had one manservant and doesn’t want someone else filling Matthew’s spot.

Matthew sleeps for two days straight. Hanbin and Hao are far more distracted in their classes than anyone is used to. Neither sleeps very well and both have trouble eating. The only ones who can make either feel even a little bit better are the other.

But on the third day, while the two are at lunch, Matthew wakes up.

The two are immediately called for since Matthew is panicking at not being able to see if they’re okay. They rush to his side and, at the sight of them not only awake but flushed from running, Matthew calms.

When it’s explained what happened Matthew seems just as confused as the rest of them about where his magic had gone.

Lee Seokhoon soon joins them and asks Matthew if he saw what caused the strong magic that’d pulled him towards them. Matthew says he doesn’t know. Mr. Lee asks him to just recount everything that had happened in case there was something he just didn’t recognise.

Matthew recounts how he’d been walking behind the other two stretching his magic out when he’d seen them stop, pick some berries, and eat them. He’d sped up a bit to catch up when he’d realized what type of berries they were and started running. He’d reached them as they fell. He’d sent out a pulse of magic towards the teachers hoping to have some effect that would get their attention.

He interrupts his story to note that while he’d sent out a decent amount it was nowhere near enough to have exhausted him.

He continues explaining that he knew he couldn’t carry both of the boys so he had tried to mitigate the poison's effects with some water and then waited for help to arrive.

The doctor says that he had probably sent out more magic than expected in his panic.

Matthew retorts that he could still feel his magic swirling around with his panic as he tried to take care of the other boys.

The doctor says that it’s the only thing that makes sense since he hadn’t done any magic after that point.

Mr. Lee doesn’t say anything but a theory is brewing in his mind. There are simply too many unexplainable things about this situation and he needs to do some research.

Hanbin and Hao spend much of the rest of the week in the medical room by Matthew’s side. They bring him his homework and the notes that they (and many other students who all like Matthew) had taken for him. Hanbin also spends the week as a bit of a mess suddenly learning all the things he was used to relying on Matthew for.

When Matthew finally rejoins his classes he’s mobbed by his classmates who all want to tell him how much they missed him and how glad they are that he’s back. He appreciates it, but it’s also kind of a lot and he appreciates Hanbin and Hao who pull him off to a secluded corner of the castle for lunch and dinner.

The two are both more affectionate with him than normal. When he questions them about it they explain that they’d been really scared those two days he wouldn’t wake up. Hanbin goes even further. He’d realized over that week that while Matthew had sat by his sickbed many times over the years, He’d never actually seen Matthew sick. He couldn’t remember a time when Matthew hadn’t been right by his side.

Besides the newfound closeness, things go back to normal pretty soon. At least until their next wild magic lesson that is.

At the beginning of class Mr. Lee sets the students to trying to form the connection they’d found on their trip with smaller sources. Once established they were supposed to try to use their magic to guide the element’s magic in a push and pull.

While they were working on that he pulled Matthew aside and told him that he had some things for him to try. This wasn’t uncommon for Matthew, plenty of teachers gave him separate practical assignments to try to get him to find his element. What he was being asked to do was new though.

Mr. Lee wanted him to extend his magic and then just explain what he felt. He was a little confused as he didn’t see how it would help, since he had never been able to feel anything elemental no matter how hard he tried.

When he said that, Mr. Lee’s eyebrows raised. “Are you saying that you can feel something non-elemental?”

Matthew was even more confused, “Well yeah, I can feel pretty much everything non-elemental? But no matter how hard I search I can’t feel any of the elements. I thought you’d been told I couldn’t use an element yet?”

Mr. Lee was gaping at him “When you say you can feel pretty much everything what do you mean?”

“Like, I can feel the magic in the grass, and the trees, and the animals, and in you, and in my classmates—at least until it merges with their element—and when I have my magic out it’s like there’s a map of where everything is.”

“Matthew, why didn’t you ever tell anyone that you could feel all of that?”

“Well can’t everyone? Isn’t that why kids are supposed to practice extending and retracting their magic? So that they look past all that and find their element?”

Mr. Lee just sits there looking at him stunned for a second, before gently replying “No, most kids can’t feel anything when they extend their magic. Most just notice the real world effects of them pulsing their magic. This course is usually most people’s first time feeling anything with their magic. Part of the reason your princes are so special is that they learned how to feel their element early.”

“But then why can I feel so much?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I think you may not be an elemental mage, you might be some entirely different type of mage.”

“I’ve never heard of a non-elemental mage before though?”

“There are stories of people cropping up every few decades who’s powers don’t quite line up with the typical elements. I’ve never heard of one who couldn’t control any of the elements at all, but it’s not too hard to believe. With that being said though, I think we’d probably better bring this to the headmaster and the medical team after class.”

Matthew wanders back over to Hanbin and Hao in a daze, brushing off their concern and resting his head on Hanbin’s shoulder.

Hanbin and Hao share a concerned glance but since he doesn’t look distressed they silently agree to wait till later to bring it up.

After class Mr. Lee takes Matthew to the medical room where the headmaster is waiting with the lead doctor. They move into the doctor’s office so they can sit down while Mr. Lee explains to the headmaster what had happened on the trip and then about their conversation in class.

The headmaster leans back in her chair and rests her head on her hand “The stories about mages who’s magic was abnormal is certainly true. I went to school with one myself. But there are several unusual things here.

“First of all, the fact that your magic doesn’t sound like it has any overlap with the elements. My classmate was classified as a metal mage. She could control metals in the ground like an earth mage, but she could still control them even after they’d been forged with fire. What established that she wasn’t just a special earth mage was that she couldn’t control the non-metallic parts of the earth. But she could still control some of the earth.

“The second strange thing is that from your confusion about sensing it seems that you’ve always had the ability to use your magic to connect

“Which leads to the third thing: you can seemingly feel other people’s magic and control it similarly to how we control the elements.”

At Matthew’s confused look she explained, “There was nothing there that could’ve pulled Mr. Lee’s magic like he describes. Nothing, that is, except you. Mages can only feel that which we’re able to connect with. You being able to feel other people’s magic suggests you can connect with it. I believe that you sent your magic out with the intention of getting a teacher to come help and so your magic connected with Mr. Lee’s and convinced it to push him towards you with all the same urgency you were feeling. Having never used your magic to connect before you probably used too much, causing the magical exhaustion you suffered.”

The room was quiet for a minute after she finished before both Matthew and Mr. Lee started to speak. Mr. Lee gestured for Matthew to go first.

“I wasn’t out of magic!” Matthew exclaims, “When I was waiting for help I could feel my magic reaching out. I could still feel Hanbin and Hao’s magic flickering as they fought the poison. I wouldn’t have been able to reach out like that if I’d used up my magic.”

Mr. Lee cut in before the headmaster could respond, “I’m also not entirely sure that Matthew’s powers are as simple as being magic itself. For one thing, if it was then he should still be able to feel the element’s magic. And when he pulled at me, it didn’t feel like he was just pulling at my magic. Sure that was a part of it, but there was some deeper part of me also being pulled.”

The doctor spoke for the first time, “If we’re considering all the oddities of the situation then we should also consider the state that Prince Zhang and Prince Sung were in when they arrived. They really should have been much worse off than they were.”

Mr. Lee spoke up again thoughtfully, “When I first arrived on the scene I could’ve sworn I saw the boys glowing. I’d passed it off as a trick of the light, but I wonder if it had something to do with their state.”

As they’d talked the headmaster’s eyes had narrowed. “Matthew, you said you could feel the Princes’ magic fluctuating while they were poisoned, right?”

At his nod she continued, “And yet there was no fire or water reacting to it. No internal signs that they’d been using their elements to fight the poison.”

She had directed the second statement to the doctor and at her nod picked back up, “So perhaps Matthew wasn’t actually feeling their magic but something else. Something that maybe he then used the rest of his magic to control, preventing the poison from spreading and draining him. Something unconnected to any of fire, earth, air, or water. Something that, if Mr. Lee is to be believed, is connected to both someone’s magic and to themself.”

She paused for a moment, a funny expression covering her face, before proposing, “Could Matthew be a…life mage?”

They sat in silence as the idea sank in. The adults were trying to comprehend what exactly that would mean. Matthew was fighting with just how right that felt.

Surely that couldn’t be right? He was just the kid who couldn’t properly do magic, not some powerful mage with a rare ability. And yet there was some part of him deep down that screamed out that this was exactly who he was.

The headmaster suddenly stood up and walked across the office to one of the potted flowers on the window sill. After asking the doctor if she could use it for an experiment, she brought it over to the desk. She asked Matthew if he could feel it with his magic. When Matthew said he could, she asked him to do what they’d been working on in the Wild Magic class, reach out and try to connect with it.

Matthew had seen most of his classmates struggle with this—he wasn’t counting Hanbin or Hao since they were prodigies and he obviously wasn’t one of those—so he was surprised when it was as simple as brushing up against what he could feel a little more intentionally than normal.

The flower suddenly perked up and, when he sent a little more magic towards it, it grew taller, sprouted several more leaves, and bloomed more than it had been before.

Matthew pulled his magic back and looked up at the others. They were looking at the flower in shock. It seemed to confirm their suspicions.

What Matthew didn’t know was that it was incredibly rare for someone to have such good control over their magic the first time they used it, let alone the first time they used it by connecting. And what the teachers didn’t realize was that, while this was the first time Matthew had—intentionally—used his magic and gotten a result, it wasn’t his first time using his magic. He’d spent years honing his reach and control while trying to find his element.

The headmaster told him to go rejoin his friends as it was dinner time. She told him to keep attending the classes he was enrolled in and that she’d get him a new schedule better tailored to his skills by the end of the week. She also promised that by the next day his teachers would all know what was happening so they could adjust his classes in the meantime.

When Matthew arrived at dinner Hanbin and Hao’s concern from earlier had escalated into full fledged fear. They peppered him with questions about why he’d missed afternoon classes and where Mr. Lee had taken him.

He promised that he’d explain when they were in private and not in the middle of the entire student body.

They reluctantly agreed and sped through eating the rest of their food.

The three went back to Hanbin’s room, where Matthew explained what had happened both in and after class.

The two were understandably shocked, but then a grin suddenly broke across Hanbin’s face.

Hanbin launched himself at Matthew, “You’re saying that you’ve found your magic!”

It had been Hanbin who’d always comforted Matthew about his inability to control an element. Hanbin who’d wiped his tears when he’d been bullied. Hanbin who promised to always be his friend no matter whether his magic never worked right.

It was Hanbin who was the first one to realize just how big of a deal this was for Matthew. And so it was into Hanbin’s shoulder that Matthew finally let himself cry.

He cried for all the years of heartbreak that could’ve been avoided. For the relief at not being broken. For the fear that they’d turn around and say that they’d been wrong and he really didn’t have proper magic.

When the tears started Hao quickly moved to rub his back and whisper how proud of Matthew he was. Matthew soon fell asleep, tired out from the crying and all the shock of the day.

Hanbin and Hao picked him up and carried him to his room, which was attached to Hanbin’s. As he slept they made a promise that they’d support him through his journey to learn his new power.

— — — — — — —

This is where I’ll leave this for now, but I may come back and add more to this at some point.

#fanfic #boys planet #seok matthew #sung hanbin #zhang hao #lee seokhoon #ricky #The headmaster is Solji but I didn’t have a good place to say that in the fic #When I was rereading this before posting I realized how often I switched tenses so sorry about that #I struggle so hard to write romance so hopefully the vibes were strong enough to get the idea across #This is the first kpop fic I’ve ever posted so surprise to anyone who didn't know I liked kpop #If you liked the fic you should vote for Matthew on the mnet plus app

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dudeitiskarev · 10 months

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So I just want to talk about my wips, which believe it or not, are only 2 yayyy

The first one is a Spencer fic *gasps*. It's titled Maybe Someday and it may be my first and only Spence fic I’ll ever write. It’s been in a google doc for over a year and a few days ago I opened the doc and fell in love with the story all over again and I really believe I’m gonna finish it soon 🥰

Here’s a little snippet:

(...)

"Are you sure about this Reid?” Derek asked, turning on the SUV blinkers.

“I really wish you’d stop asking me that.” Spencer unbuckled his belt, ready to step out of the car.

Derek sounded like a broken record by now.

“Look, kid, I’m just trynna’ help.” He softened his voice. “Case is over. You can let it go now.”

The Riley Jenkins case was, in fact, over. Although letting it go is the last thing Spencer could do when last-minute Garcia filled him in about a person who wasn’t involved in the case but was connected to it to some extent: You.

“We don’t even know if she’s gonna be here,” Morgan continued. “And for all we know, she could be dead by now.”

“Yeah, and being here might be the only way I could find out.”

“May I ask why the sudden interest?" Derek was a bit concerned about his friend. He’d never seen him like this. Although it made sense.

"I don't know." Spencer lowered his tone.

All he knew was that there were foggy memories about a young girl he needed to make clearer.

“Alright.” Derek raised his perfect profiled brows in defeat. “I'll stay here. Call me if you need anything."

"I will.” He stepped out of the car, looked both ways, and crossed the street—determined to find you.

(...)

I'm not sure when it'll be ready but it's all outlined and I've been working on it every day, mostly editing/rewriting what I already have but still 🥰

The other one is a Hotch x reader of course, and it's the Penelope-centered fic I've mentioned here once or twice. It's titled Accidentally in Love (for now) and here's a little snippet:

Penelope was born with a gift. She could see people’s hearts—like actually; bright red beating flesh inside people’s chest cavities.

Most had a glow of their own that came with a special colored aura. She often felt them as her own, too, and though that might just be the deep empathy her mom also had, she embraced others’ heartbreaks like a treasure from day one.

Her gift came with what could be considered a lethal weapon: an arc and endless arrows. It wasn’t supposed to be dangerous since she was the only one who could manipulate it and see it overall—and because the arrows were made out of clouds—but she’d never been very skilled at using it, so accidental love matches happened often. Although most happened when she was younger—when she’d just discovered her gift and would randomly use it at the supermarket or the movie rental with two random people. It was like introducing a Ken doll to a Barbie for the first time so it really was just a game.

She started to take it seriously at the age of thirteen when one of her dearest friends was going through her first heartbreak ever. It hurt to see her friend’s heart break. Her aim wasn’t very good yet—it still isn’t, but it has improved—so accidental matches kept happening, just not as often.

When her parents died, her gift froze along with her heart. It took her a while to let it warm up again, even when it was all she wanted; the only thing that’d truly make her feel something other than grief.

(...)

Yes, Penelope is a real-life cupid hehehe.

Anyways. I'm not sure which one I'll be able to finish first since they're like equally developed (?) and around the same word count (5k each, but I'm cutting off filter words and some unnecessary stuff so I hope they don't end up being that long 🤞)

Talking about wips make writers more motivated to write them so if anyone is interested in more 👀 my ask box is open ♥️

#aaron hotchner x reader #Spencer Reid x reader #wips #accidentally in love fic #maybe someday fic

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twistytwine · 1 year

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Lil thing about an ex-friend! (This isn’t a vent or rant, this is just me reflecting about my own past flaws and mistakes and talking about them)

Lately, I’ve been seeing a therapist, and talking to them has allowed me to tell them all about my own flaws that I’ve observed of myself from clashes with my mom, grandma, and past friends. One of them I need to get off my chest is how I viewed one of my ex-friend’s relationships with myself. I used to think I was totally the victim in that scenario and they were an “““abuser”““, but as I got more mature, now almost eighteen years old, I’ve come to realize that we were both toxic. Not abusive, but just toxic. We were both really young teens who had good hearts but were, admittedly, kind of assholes towards each other.

I was really hypocritical criticizing them for vagueposting back then, because I also used to vaguepost. It doesn’t matter whether or not I stopped before them or they did it less; I still never admitted I vagueposted a lot too and refused to confront people straight-up about issues I had. I think the shittiest thing I did to them was, when I decided to stop being their friend for the final time, I sent them a crappy Google doc berating them for all the things they’ve done to me, but whenever I addressed my own mistakes, I always used the word “maybe.” Maybe I shouldn’t have done this. Maybe I influenced your behavior doing this. I never took on the blame full-force. I never straight-up said that I did make a mistake doing this thing, I did influence them, I did hurt them. I was always under the impression that I was bad, but at least I was better than them -- it was never about who was better than the other. It should have been about communication, understanding, and helping each other recognize their flaws instead of scolding them like a child.

They hurt me, but I also hurt them a lot. It was my fault for treating my own actions as if they were the final straw and ignoring all the infliction that came from it. And the shittiest part of the document revolved around my mindset at the time; I was really obsessed with the idea of diagnosis. Before I actually discovered that ADHD was more than just “haha I can’t focus lol” and theoretically could be the source of a lot of my mental problems, I thought that I had BPD. It came from the desperate idea of needing something to define my toxic traits, because if I didn’t have that, then what did I have? I refused to believe that my own actions came from my own hand and not some mental illness orchestrating everything in my brain. The crappiest part of this “last-response” document was me projecting all of this onto them. I believed that they could “get help” for their behavior because I thought they had BPD. I listed out the symptoms and everything. I recall there being a genuine care for them solving some of their habits, but I treated it like I was accusing them as a judge of the court.

Anyway: Both them and I hurt each other and I believe caused some trauma on each other in some way. It took me a few years to stop thinking about the things they said and did to me everyday, and I feel like it took them some time to do the same. It’s only an assumption though, and I think a better assumption would be that, like me at the moment, they’re doing better mentally and the trauma I inflicted onto them has been reduced in its effects. I used to think about them everyday and be paranoid they were vagueposting about me in other places on the internet, which triggered me whenever I saw any sort of vaguepost vent from friends, even when they weren’t about me at all and about something else. However, now I don’t vaguepost at all and only think about them once in a super duper long while, and even then it’s just a passing positive thought, hoping that they’re alright.

If there was the chance to talk to them again and apologize to them for the things I’ve done, I would. But I think it’s just been too long between us, and I admittedly don’t know if I’d be comfortable facing them again due to my memories of our unhealthy behavior towards each other. I suppose my form of relief regarding this would be thinking that they’re doing okay, and that they have new friends who accompany them like I do.

This is completely different from that one ex-friend who (if I recall) was really mentally unstable and ended up threatening to kill me through the screen of their computer (which is not possible if I last recall how physics and logic work). I think our “friendship” started when they accidentally messaged me or something or I did to them, and then they just kept on talking to me even though we weren’t friends. I have no idea what possessed 13/14-year-old me to keep the relationship going because I had to calm them down and convince them not to murder their family, but I think it was just because young me back then craved the attention from them. This one is going into my “Young Twisty Cringe Comp”

#twisty talks #long post #ex friend tw #maybe delete later? idk it feels good to write it out #murder mention

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moinsbienquekaworu · 1 year

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RAM MY BELOVED hello hi happy Valentines (if you celebrate) hi

I just drove home while listening to my tomarry playlist and i need to tell you, i love themb so much and this song (Carnivore by Bear Attack! If the link doesnt work) is such a themb song and omg. I need to go reread love is touching souls. I need to finish typesetting it. I need to stop procrastinating buying printing materials and just bind it into a physical book. Themb.

But also, i was thinking about this fic thats currently sitting partially done in my google docs, thats endgame tomarry but currently drarry. And basic context: Harry becomes the DADA prof after a few years of being a failure of an auror and he and Ginny just finalized their divorce (nothing was Wrong Per Se, Ginny just realised shes a lesbian), and Hermione sets him up with Draco but theyre not really Great together theyre more just meh as a couple, but then Harry accidentally time travels back to 1945 (give ir take a few years) and teaches DADA during Tom's seventh year, and they get together and Harry knits Tom a Weasley sweater and etc etc etc BUT i couldnt figure out how to get them both back to The Present Day while not breaking up Harry and Draco BUT BUT BUT i realized i can just make it hella poly and itd still be cute!

Im telling you all of this as the person who got me into tomarry plus the first person i thought of when i put this playlist on, i hope this hinged-ness finds you well i love you <3

Love the idea of introducing someone else to the Tomarry relationship because we've all seen Tom and how he feels about sharing. Like I feel like any work with Tomarry + another character is like, 40% getting Tomarry together (all the Hurdles and Problems and such with those two) and then 60% Harry slowly making Tom stop hissing at whoever else because he has to share Harry with them and that's his soulmate. Yes even if he likes them too he's just Like That. He's so very not suited to polyamory, it would be extremely entertaining reading a fic trying to make it work.

I remember reading a fic back in Ye Olden Days that was a Drarry snippet with Severus looking in from the outside wishing he could be with Harry but Knowing Deep in his Soul that he was Wrong for him. I'd link it but I'm like 90% sure it was in french and I don't want to go looking through FFnet for it right now haha. Drarry just made me think of it. Oh and there was One good Drarry fic I loved, still in french, by and author who wrote banger after banger (all in french, yeah) on FFnet that introduced baby me to Supermassive Black Hole and the fact that you don't put two condoms on. It's Nothing Else Matters by Rose Malefoy if you want to look at the page and not understand the text haha (yes Malefoy with an e that's how it's spelt in french) Oh and my first Snarry was amnesiac Harry who was with Severus and forgets it so he gets into a relationship with Draco but then remembers and leaves him I think? It's been a while. I used to be into Drarry more but it's been years since I read some, since I discovered Snarry and all.

I think we should combine our poly Tomarry AUs to inflict the maximum amount of Situations on theses guys. Like throw in Draco throw in Severus and then let them take years and a lot of therapy to disentangle that mess and make a working polycule out of it. A bit like when you plop Sims in a house with full autonomy and wait for them to do something cool like starving themselves or making out with their brother's wife, except here I hope they'd figure it out and get a good ending at some point. Anyway.

Oh and in Tomarry news if you haven't tackled Draw me after you (let us run) by Toastranger you should go for it because now after about 200k words and 44 chapters Things have been Happening 👀 (I'm not subtle, they finally kissed is what happened) extremely fun fic, highly recommend once again. That said it is a time investment because I love long works

Your song rec is actually making me realise I don't have Tomarry songs? I have Obikin songs I have plenty of Snarry songs I have Johnlock songs and Kylux songs but nothing for these two. Ah well. I mean I guess The bog in the valley by the Irish Rovers is kind of a Harrymort song because it's a part of Dark Livestream but that's not very Tomarry specific. OH WAIT NO I do!! In the Daylight Again by Duplicity is named after a line from Salt and the Sea by the Lumineers so. One (1) Tomarry song. Good fic too, I can't make myself rereading it because it hurts my feelings :(( but it's really good

Cool song you got though! I've added it to my current playlist, love finding songs through other people and associating them to random stuff like that.

Anyway love you hope you have a good evening come back whenever you want <3

#also did you see. i'm going to the uk next year!!!!!#i need to say it to everyone i'm so fucking happy right now #i'm going.... i'm going!#and i'll send you a postcard <3 #very unrelated #this actually got me thinking about the forgotten tom/harry/severus au thing #like originally i couldn't decide if i wanted it to be omegaverse or not so it had omegaverse elements but i ended up dropping it #too busy y'know #i just love the combo of tom Jealousy riddle severus Insecurity snape and harry Make-a-fucking-effort potter :')))#put them all in the same room and watch them suffer etc etc #i'm soooo not a multishipper though most of the time so my vision of the characters is influenced by that #this is just making me think about the island time travel tomarry #like it must be in my reclist from last time so i won't give it again because i forget the title and i don't wanna go lookig for it rn #but yeah.#ANYWAY.#wow i have an asks tag now #fandom nerdery

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transdeantruthing · 2 years

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ok so i discovered some random little thing i wrote while cleaning out my google docs. it's not really analysis but im not quite sure what to call it? i like it though and i hope it makes sense to people who aren't me lmao

objectively, supernatural is a bad show. it's obvious that the show went on longer than intended, some plotlines got crazy, character development was often abandoned. but why was supernatural such a bad show? the concept is actually genuinely beautiful. two brothers, on the road, no family but each other. they are the epitome of small town america; they live out of shitty little motels and their beloved family car.

their parents are gone, and so they spend their lives saving innocents from monsters. they are the heroes that could have helped them the night their mother died. the night their father became a terrible person. and yet, as they live the loneliest possible life that anyone could live, they build a family.

this is a fucking beautiful concept. but. that isn't what came out of this show's creators. that's what came out of the fans of this show. the people that fell in love with this show when it first began, grew up in the fifteen years that the show went on for. they grew up and learned to create. they created and created until they had created a show more beautiful than the show itself, a facade of an old thing that didn't live up to what it could have been. the fans loved it anyway, right up until the end, and then right past that.

they write beautiful stories and make art and analyze every little detail of the show and fill it with meaning. supernatural could have been a show about found family, love, everyday heroism, masculinity, kindness. it could have been a show about healing. but it ended with both the main characters dead and none of their beautiful, handmade family there with them. so these characters are not given a happy ending, nor a cathartic tragedy. the story hasn't been written the way it could have been.

still, there is something to be said for the lovely story that came out of the bad one. the stories supernatural fans told each other to patch up the parts of the "real" story. maybe the real, true story was the one written by the twelve-year-old girl who grew up to be twenty-seven with a bachelor's in creative writing and a love for a show that was filled with cracks.

could have been is devastating because it means losing something within your grasp. but it's also very beautiful in the way it inspires, and supernatural is the ultimate could have been show.

#cw spn #supernatual #analysis #? maybe #idk if it technically is

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nerves-nebula · 3 years

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hi your "hunter escapes and has a fun little camping moment" au is living rent free in my brain rn, please Please share some more thoughts and rambles about it!

ANON PLEASE- (affectionate)

you gotta understand I was not lying when I said I have 5 pages of a google doc worth of comic ideas. Unfortunately it's still kind of a mess and I'm still sorting out some of the basic dynamics of this AU. I also like the idea of keeping most of my notes and making them into their own comics/posts so idk how I feel about just saying stuff in a list AND YET.

So here's some stuff I think I can say outside of a comic?? I’ll still probably make some of these into comics/doodles, but anyway I hope this is what you were looking for.

Hunter:

Hunter gets very into studying wild magic up close, something he wasn't allowed to do much before. But now he lives in the forest surrounded by wild magic. Because of this I plan for him to discover a few glyphs on his own, like Luz does, mainly the plant one. But you’ll see how that goes later ;)

He's also still trying to cure his uncles curse. He insists he's not going to go back to Belos, but if pressed on why he's searching for a cure for a man he plans to never see again, he'll get very defensive and angry. Sometimes it's not as easy as "I'm leaving and never coming back." sometimes you still wanna help the people who hurt you :P and THAT one is from personal experience

Hunter takes a while to really get into the whole “I’m on my own and can do whatever I want” thing, but I plan for him to mess around with his presentation once he gets more comfortable.

Rascal helps him change his eye bandages! I haven’t decided if his eye is damaged yet or just the area around it tho so stay tuned.

Hunter will often assign himself “missions” to go on because he doesn’t know what else to do with his free time. He knows he doesn’t technically have any deadlines or stuff like that anymore but he gets stressed not having a goal to strive towards so to cope he just.. gives himself arbitrary goals !

Funfact! This is not the first time Hunters pissed Belos off so bad that he’s fled the castle for a moment. But it IS the first time he stays away for this long.

Home Hunter AU subscribes to the “Hunter is the grimwalker/a clone of Belos’ brother” theory just for extra angst. I kind of like the idea that he wasn’t even a big part of Belos’ plans though, just that Belos saw a chance to “Bring back” his brother and went for it fsdfsfsdf.

Hunter is terrified of relying on someone too much because no matter how much he trusts them, they could always kick him out. And he’d rather kick himself out before they get the chance. Boys still got issues, is what I’m saying.

Because Hunter lives in the woods he starts to get a bit... Feral. People will not see him for a week only to realize he’s been not showering or changing his clothes. He was never the most normally-socialized kid but now he’s in the habit of hissing at people the way he does at wild animals that encroach on his tent.

Hunter is very possessive of his belongings (he has so few) and will tackle you if you try to take something from him without asking. He also hoards food and has trouble sharing it, but he feels a bit more embarrassed about this habit than others so he tries to hide it.

Luz:

Luz is basically the first person Hunter reaches out to after living in the woods for a few weeks, and she’s the only one he trusts, at first.

She offers to let Hunter stay at the owl house a LOT, and sometimes he does :D ! But usually only if it’s raining or he has an injury he can’t heal himself, or if they’re just hanging out.

Luz’s Super Secret Sad Boy plan is to try to trick Hunter into staying at the owl house for extended periods of time, so that he eventually doesn’t want to go back to the forest. She brings it up A LOT. This has yet to work though, because Hunter feels very uncomfortable about not understanding their family dynamic. That and it makes him feel a bit worse about his own. (kind of like when you go to your friends house and their parents are nice, so you cry afterwards. But to the extreme that he has trouble relaxing cause he’s viscerally aware of how much he doesn’t feel like he fits in.)

Luz tried to teach Hunter glyphs but he brushed it off. 1. because he’s still nervous about wild magic lmao but 2. because he didn’t think he needed to learn them since he has Rascal. He only starts looking into them when he personally finds them in nature on his own. After that point he starts eavesdropping on Lillith and Eda’s glyph lessons and hijinks ensue.

Lillith:

I’m actually super down for the idea that Lillith would bond with goldie in some way. They both know what Belos is like so they can bitch about him together!

I’m also a fan of the “Lillith regrets calling Hunter a brat” idea. Idk if she’s canonically seen his face or anything but I like to think that, at least NOW, she sees him for what he really is. A poor little meow meow.

That being said don’t think that Mom!Eda is out for the count. They’re ✨ co-parents ✨ and I like to think they bring different things to the table when it comes to caring about Hunter. Raine might show up eventaully too :D. They still can’t get him to move out of the woods tho.

Belos:

Not much to say about him and his plans yet, but what usually happens when Hunter runs off after upsetting Belos is that he comes back a few hour/days later with something to win back Belos’ favor. So the emperor isn’t concerned at first, but then a week passes, and then another.

In this AU Belos is very protective of Hunter but in a weird, possessive, fucked up way. Basically, he’s convinced himself that nothing is really a threat to him or Hunter (since he trained Hunter personally and believes in his nephews abilities). He was never afraid of Hunter being killed or leaving him cause he never considered those things as possibilities. So when Hunter doesn’t come back and is seen actively avoiding him, he goes a little apeshit? But like in a subtle way? Like, he’s losing it but quietly lmao. BASICALLY I do have plan for Belos to attempt to do a lot of stuff to catch/coerce Hunter, and maybe he succeeds! We’ll see.

That should be enough for now!

important to note that a lot of this could change on a whim since I’m still thinking about all of it but y e ah these are some things I’ve mused about.

also I hope this makes sense, I’m not really a writer so I just kinda type it how I talk it I guess.

#toh hunter #toh #the owl house #hunter toh #luz noceda #emperor belos #the golden guard #lillith clawthorne #eda clawthorne #home hunter au #ask #nnstuff

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queenie-the-writer · 2 years

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useful websites for writers

introduction

hi everyone long time no see! at least it feels like that lol. i assembled a post with sources that i hope can help you with your writing! i know other accounts have done this sort of post before and i’ve always found a new website i didn’t know about that has been super useful. some of these are my recommendations and some of them come from you guys!

word hippo (free)

this website has saved my life countless times. it’s super easy to use: simply type your word in the search bar and you’ll get copious amounts of synonyms! you can also look up antonyms, translations, definitions, prononciations, and conjugations!! truly a writer’s saviour.

onelook thesaurus (free)

ever forgotten a very specific word, but it’s right on the tip of your tongue? onelook is super helpful for this! the first result isn’t always the one you’re looking for, but when you press enter you’ll get a bunch more suggestions in order of relevance. for example: if you type “shadow outline” into the search bar, the word “silhouette” will appear!

prowritingaid (premium $79/year)

i’ve never used this software before but it looks pretty useful. there is a free version that you can use online and edit 500 words at a time, but if you pay the wc is unlimited and you can integrate it into some writing softwares like ms word and google docs. it will break down your writing style, grammar, overused words, readability, and a lot of other stuff that i don’t know how to summarize haha. when you login there is a tutorial video that i would suggest watching!

dabble writer (free trial, then min. $10/month)

this one has different subscriptions with different features so i’ll just go over what the standard subscription includes ($15/month). another that i haven’t used before, but i think it’s essentially a writing software that allows you to outline and organize your storyboard and ideas within it. i feel like this would be practical for plotters, but for pantsers or plantsers like me (unless you’re a plotter-leaning-plantser) i doubt it would be worth it.

nameberry / behindthename (free)

i have two strategies for coming up with names: smashing my keyboard or browsing on nameberry! it’s basically just a baby name website that provides all kinds of different names. the forums are also pretty helpful if you’re looking for help naming a character! behindthename is a website that delves deeper into name definitions which can be pretty cool.

fantasynamegenerator (free)

i love this site so much! it is a godsend, especially for fantasy writers!! it has name generators for literally anything imaginable that needs a name. amusement parks, species, riddles, weapons, prisons, and so much more!

nanowrimo (free)

nano is a word count tracker, most commonly used in the month of november, which is national novel writing month (nanowrimo). the challenge during november is to write 50,000 words, but you can set your own goal to whatever wc you want, whenever you want! it’s a great way to stay motivated to write and achieve your goals!

conclusion

i might have to do a part two of this post because there were so many i had to leave out from lack of space! but i hope you discovered a new source that is useful to you anyways. don’t forget to drink water and take care of yourself!! love y’all <3

#writing success #writing websites #writers #writing #writing tips #writers on tumblr #writerslife #the life of a writer #writing sources

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obviouslygenuinely · 3 years

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Free Resources For Writers & Creators

This is a quick post of free resources that may help fandom creators (or creators in general). I’m sure many of these have been shared before. However, it doesn’t hurt to spread the word. A few quick points:

As a professional writer, I think this post will cater mostly towards writers.

I’m also a freelance photographer, so digital photography/editing/art sources are included, too.

I chose not to use any affiliate links in my post. I don’t want to profit from this, and I’m not sure that’s allowed on Tumblr anyways.

If I’ve listed a resource I haven’t used myself, I’ve made sure to state it.

Masterlists and/or huge resource compilations are marked with asterisks.

Alright, here we go! I hope you all find this post helpful. Happy writing/creating!

Research

All of these are free resources for research. I use most of them for my writing jobs because they are extremely credible. These are great for making accurate references in your fics/creations.

1. ***Research Resources For Writers***

Writer’s Write has an enormous database of research resources for writers. They are divided into 20+ categories such as:

careers

historical research

crimes and forensics

religion

Each category contains 10+ resources like websites, articles, tips, databases, and so much more. It’s the most comprehensive and organized free research tool I use.

2. PubMed

My go-to source for citing medical studies. You’ll find 30 million citations related to numerous physical and mental health issues.

3. BioMed Central

I don’t use this website as often, but I keep it in my bookmarks. It’s similar to PubMed - great for discovering current and former medical research.

4. Drugs.com

If you need to name a medication and/or refer to medication side effects, Drugs.com is a straightforward resource. It’s easy to navigate and understand.

It also has a tool that lists potential medication interactions. This is really useful for accurate descriptions of med combinations.

5. Merck Manuals Consumer Version

Merck Manuals started out in 1899 as a medical reference guide for professionals. This consumer version is really comprehensive and updated regularly. It includes definitions, studies, and more.

6. FindLaw

If you’re writing about legal topics, FindLaw is useful for learning about laws/procedures in reader-friendly language. Categories include:

accidents/injuries

criminal law

family law (divorce, custody, etc.)

Keep in mind that laws vary based on location! You’ll often find additional links to state-related laws within articles. I do recommend double-checking state/location-based legal resources for accuracy.

7. APA Dictionary of Psychology

This psychology dictionary is provided by the American Psychological Association. It covers 90+ areas of psychology and 25,000+ terms/definitions.

You’ll also find links to additional psychology databases, resources, and so on. The website is updated frequently to provide updated information.

8. U.S. Bureau Of Labor Statistics

If you’re writing about a character’s job/career in the United States, this is a great source for accuracy. For any job sector, you’ll find details about

education requirements

positions in the sector

average salary for positions

what the positions entail

I imagine there are alternatives for other countries, too!

9. Investopedia Financial Term Dictionary

My area of expertise is personal finance; all of my writing published under my name is in this niche. I still refer to Investopedia’s dictionary for help. It’s excellent for understanding/explaining financial terms in a way that your reader can understand.

10. MedTerms Medical Dictionary

This is the medical version of Investopedia’s dictionary. I use this source less frequently, but I find that it’s accurate and helpful. There are many similar references online if you search for “medical glossaries” or “medical dictionaries”.

11. Domain Authority Checker

I’m not sure if this one is too helpful for fic writers, but it’s one of my most used tools. Domain authority “a search engine ranking score developed by Moz that predicts how likely a website is to rank on search engine result pages (SERPs)”.

The Wikipedia page for domain authority (DA) explains it clearly and simply. To sum it up, websites with good DA scores are considered reliable and accurate. If I cite sources in my work. I always link to sources with good DA scores.

Writing/Editing

This section is the most thorough one. All of these are completely free tools for writing and editing any type of content. I currently use or have used all of these at some point in my career.

1. ***List Of Free And Open-Source Software Packages***

This Wikipedia page applies to multiple categories in my post. It’s a masterpost of free and open-source software for anything and everything. Software is divided up into categories and sub-categories. Some relevant examples include:

media

networking/Internet

image editing

file management

There are hundreds of free software links on the page, so you’ll need to do a bit of browsing. Start with the categories above to find software geared towards writers/creators.

2. OpenOffice

This is a free alternative to Microsoft Office. I’ve used it for nine years and love it. OpenOffice software includes free applications for:

text documents

spreadsheets

presentations

drawing

templates

There are many more tools with OpenOffice that I haven’t used. If you write offline, I cannot recommend it enough. Tutorials are readily available online, and the software is pretty user-friendly.

3. Evernote

I briefly used Evernote and found that it’s very user-friendly and helpful. Most of my colleagues use Evernote and recommend it for taking notes/staying organized.

(I’m personally not a fan of note-taking software or apps. My method is messy text documents with bullet point lists.)

4. Google Drive

This might seem like an obvious one, but Google Drive/Docs is my writing haven. It has the tools included with Microsoft Office and OpenOffice and then some. It’s great for collaborative writing/sharing documents, too.

5. Grammarly

I use the Premium (paid) version of Grammarly, but I also used the free version for years. It’s helpful for detecting simple spelling, style, and grammatical errors.

There are numerous ways to use it - desktop, copy/paste documents, and so on. I’m not a huge fan of how well it works with Google Docs, but they’re improving it/it’s moved out of beta mode.

If you’re interested in the paid version - which I highly recommend - wait to buy until a holiday pops up. They offer a major discount on the software for almost every holiday/special occasion.

6. Plagiarism Detector

This website is handy for scanning for plagiarism. You can scan your own work to ensure uniqueness, too. My clients are big fans of this tool.

(I no longer use this resource; I use a paid tool called Copyscape Premium. The low cost has a big return on investment for me.)

7. TitleCase

The name says it all. It’s free and simple! I’ll be honest - I’m terrible with proper title case. You’d think after a decade of writing I’d nail it. However, I use this tool pretty often.

8. Hemingway Editor

Hemingway Editor is an online and desktop editor. It’s excellent for scanning your writing to check for:

readability (a grade-level score is listed)

adverb usage

passive voice usage

complex phrase usage

estimated reading time

This tool is color-coded to make editing easy. For example, adverbs are highlighted in blue. I don’t use this as often as I used to, but it was essential for my early writing career.

9. Polish My Writing

This tool is very straightforward. You paste your writing into the text box. Spelling errors, grammar suggestions, and style suggestions are highlighted in red, blue, and green.

It’s great for double-checking your work alongside Grammarly or Hemingway. When using free editors, I recommend using at least two for higher accuracy.

10. OneLook Reverse Dictionary And Thesaurus

I’m going to use the definition directly from the website:

“This tool lets you describe a concept and get back a list of words and phrases related to that concept. Your description can be anything at all: a single word, a few words, or even a whole sentence. Type in your description and hit Enter (or select a word that shows up in the autocomplete preview) to see the related words.”

To put it simply, you can use the reverse dictionary/thesaurus to find those words/thoughts that are on the tip of your tongue. Use the tool to:

find a word based on the word’s definition (i.e. search for “inability to feel pain”)

find synonyms and related concepts

generate a list of category-specific words (i.e. search for “cat breeds”)

answer basic questions (i.e. search for “what is the capital of France?”)

The results can be hit or miss, but I usually find the information I’m looking for. It’s a solid resource any writer regardless of genre.

11. Word Frequency Counter + Phrase Frequency Counter

I cannot emphasize how much I love these tools. Repetition is the bane of a writer’s existence; it’s simply inevitable at times.

These two tools count the number of times you use a single word or phrase in a text document. Just copy/paste your document, hit submit, and you’re all set!

For the phrase frequency counter, you can scan for two-word to ten-word phrases.

12. Thesaurus.com

This is another tool that might seem painfully obvious. Combined with the word frequency counter, it’s such an essential resource for me.

It’s especially useful if you’re writing about the same topic multiple times (i.e. love, getting drunk, sex, etc.). I always use this combo of tools to ensure uniqueness.

13. Lists Of Colors

Are you stumped when trying to come up with unique shades of blue? Is describing your character’s hair or skin color difficult? This Wikipedia page has you covered. It contains:

lists of colors (alphabetically)

lists of colors by shade

lists of Crayola crayon colors

lists of color palettes

I typically use this resource for product descriptions, but I also used it for creative writing many times. It’s a lifesaver for all things color-related.

Free Photos/Images

Tons of creators need free photos/images for numerous reasons. All of these sources provide 100% free photos, illustrations, etc. that have a Creative Commons Zero (CC0) license. This means there’s no copyright whatsoever on them.

You can edit the images however you’d like, too. All of the images in my post are from the first source listed below. I made them black and white and added text.

(A lot of these sites have donate buttons for contributors. Donating a dollar here and there goes a long way!)

1. Unsplash

Unsplash is my personal favorite for high-resolution photos. It’s easy to navigate and has over 2,000,000 free images. Downloading an image is a one-click process, and you don’t need to create an account.

2. Pixabay

Pixabay is my go-to site for illustrations and vector graphics (they have photos, too). There are 1.9 million free images to choose from. You don’t need an account to download images, but I recommend creating one. It’s free and with an account:

you don’t have to complete a CAPTCHA every time you download an image

you can access higher-quality/larger/etc. versions of images

I often use graphics from Pixabay to create overlays and masks for mixed media art pieces.

3. PxHere

I’ve never used PxHere, but one of my writing clients recommends it. It seems very similar to Pixabay, and the interface is user-friendly.

4. Pexels

In my limited experience, Pexels seems to focus on “artsy” stock images/content. I found great high-quality images the few times I’ve used it.

5. Burst by Shopify

I haven’t used Burst, but it’s another free image site that a writing client recommended to me. It seems a little limited compared to the other sites, but it never hurts to add it to your toolbox!

Digital Art/Photo Editing/Etc.

This section seems brief, but the tools listed are pretty comprehensive and diverse. They are geared towards many creative needs/projects like:

Creating manips of people/etc.

Adding text to images.

Creating collages.

Digital illustration.

Advanced photo editing.

There’s something for everyone. In my experience, finding your favorites among these will take some trial and error.

1. Pixlr X and Pixlr E (app available)

Pixlr X and Pixlr E are both versatile free editing tools. Pixlr X is ideal for less experienced creators. Pixlr E is comparable to Adobe PhotoShop.

I’ve used both software formats for personal and professional art projects.

The Pixlr app is handy for making collages, adding filters/overlays, adding text, and so on. I’ve used it for creating fanfiction collages and similar projects. It’s super easy to use.

2. Remove Background by Pixlr

This is one of the easiest/fastest tools I’ve found for removing backgrounds from images. It’s perfect for creators who make manips using photos of people.

It takes literal seconds to use. The tool automatically removes the background. If you spot any mistakes, you can refine the results with brush/erase tools. Then you download the cutout and you’re all set!

Unfortunately, this feature isn’t available on the Pixlr app. There are a lot of smartphone apps for removing photo backgrounds.

3. GIMP

If you need a full-fledged Photoshop alternative, GIMP is excellent software. It’s not an online tool like most I’ve suggested; you’ll need to download it to your computer.

There’s quite a learning curve for it, unless you’re familiar with Photoshop already. Fortunately, the free video/text GIMP tutorials online are endless. I no longer use/need GIMP, but it’s a personal favorite of mine.

4. Paint.NET

Admittedly, I haven’t used Paint.NET, but my art/photography colleagues commonly mention it. It’s comparable to Photoshop and GIMP. It’s a web-based tool, and a quick Google search returns several tutorials for it.

5. Photopea

This is more or less a Photoshop clone, but it’s free and web-based. If you watch Photoshop tutorials, you can usually follow the same steps in PhotoPea.

I’ve only used it a few times; I have Photoshop so I don’t need it. Still, it’s very impressive - especially for a free tool.

6. PicsArt (app available)

PicsArt is a photo editing website and app; the app is much easier to use in my opinion. It’s a “fun” editing tool for photo manips, collages, and fan art in general. A lot of users post their art in the app, and I’ve noticed tons of cool fandom edits.

Some of the features are Premium (AKA cost money), but I don’t think they’re worth the extra cost. PicsArt also has a digital drawing app. I haven’t personally used it but it may be worth checking out!

7. Adobe Photoshop Express (app available)

(I’ll preface this by saying I have an Adobe subscription, so I have access to the “locked” features. I’ve used the free versions, but my memory of it is a bit hazy.)

Photoshop Express is a free web-based tool and smartphone app. The app is very user-friendly and can be used for detailed editing, adding filters, adding text, and so on.

I’m less familiar with the browser version; I only use it for the cutout tool when I’m feeling lazy. It seems to be a good fit for quick edits - filters, cropping, and so on.

8. Make PNG Transparent by Online PNG Tools

This tool is awesome for removing solid colored backgrounds. I use it to create graphics for mixed media art pieces. Here’s how it works:

upload an image

type the color your want to remove (name or hex code)

type the percentage of similar color tones you want to match (for example, 25% will remove your chosen color plus similar warm/cool tones)

the removed color is replaced with transparent pixels

If you want to make a JPG transparent, start with the website’s JPG to PNG Converter. There are a ton of useful free tools offered, but I haven’t tried out most of the others.

Wrap Up

That’s all I’ve got for now! If I think of additional free tools, I’ll add them to this post. Feel free to reblog with your own recommendations or message me if you’d like me to add anything.

I hope my fellow creatives find these too

#writer resources #writing #writblr #fanfiction #fanfic #creative writing #writing reference #writing resources #writer reference #obviouslygenuinely #creators #artists on tumblr #fandom #fan art

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alfredosauce50 · 3 years

Text

You’re gonna go far, kid [Punk! England x reader]

Synopsis: Ever since coming to England to study, you haven’t had the time to do what made you come in the first place--tourism! The only friend you have is an exchange student from Russia, Ivan, so why not kill two birds with one stone? He schedules a little playdate with Arthur, a local, so he can show you around the hottest spots in London. You two immediately hit it off. Ivan is quick to notice his interest in you, so he starts teasing the poor man and making things hard for him. Camden is the last destination, and there’s no saying when he’ll ever see you again. Will he be able to get over himself and ask you out before the night ends? Note: Attractions are italicized and have a link to a picture. Wordcount: 4,641 The reader is referred to as she/her.

This was the day you had been dreading, and yet, looking forward to. The first part was easy to explain. Picking up your hot latte, you set it down after a quick sip. You didn’t even have time to enjoy it. Not when you were typing away at your keyboard like a speed demon. You promised your friend you would finish your assignment before today’s meet-up, but your procrastination habits were a bitch. Nevertheless, you were eager to uphold your side of the deal, even if it meant stressing your hair out to get it done.

So long as he didn’t show up before you were done, right?

After burning your tongue for the second time that morning, you let out a small groan at the sting you felt but gasped at what you saw outside the window. It was a sound made from genuine terror--rather than the quiet streets of London at seven AM, you spotted a man pressing his face right up to the glass. And he was staring at you, menacingly.

Anybody would’ve been creeped out by the sight, but you knew the guy. “Aha--Ivan! Hey! Morning?” You began rather awkwardly.

He waved in response, and his glower melted away in exchange for a childlike smile. “Dobroye utro, (F/N)! I hope that’s not your assignment you’re doing.” He hummed, placing two hands on the glass to peer at your screen from outside. Oh shit. Glancing briefly at said screen, you turned it away before clicking the upload button.

“Of course not.” You grinned, shutting your laptop immediately after. “I was just... Surfing the net. Checking Instagram. You know?”

“Is that so? I’m gonna check.” He made his way inside. And in no time, he was looming over your shoulder to start browsing through your internet history. You, on the other hand, were sweating balls.

“You’re so funny, (F/N). Who checks Instagram on their computer?”

It seemed like only yesterday he was the oblivious exchange student from Russia who had no concept of social media. He had been a country bumpkin through and through, but a few semesters after befriending you, your influence rubbed off on him. Even you had no idea what went through your head when decided to talk to him, the intimidating new kid who spoke broken English, but there was no turning back now. He was attached to you by the hip and picked up on your habits faster than you could deal.

He only became more of a menace when he discovered Twitter.

A displeased expression contorted at his expression when he saw that there was no evidence of you ‘surfing the net’. Google Docs couldn’t possibly count, after all. “... Hm... Apparently, not you. Why didn’t you finish this yesterday, sunflower? Remember our promise?”

You sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I passed out last night. But hey, I technically finished it before you came, didn’t I?”

He craned his head from side to side in thought. “Maybe. But if you hadn’t, you know what that means.” Ivan coiled his arms around your neck and a sickeningly sweet smile curled up at his lips.

“You will come with me to Moscow for Christmas!”

A chill ran down your spine at the thought. Going to Russia was bad enough. But during Winter? You were never good with the cold. If you could barely handle London, Moscow was out of the question. “Oh God, please no.” He nodded giddily. “I’m never going to Russia. Maybe I’d consider it during Summer, but--anyway, that’s not the point here! I didn’t break any promises so I won’t be turning into a popsicle this year. Got that?”

He pouted. “Aw...”

“You damn sadist.”

“Hehe.”

“I wonder how you even became friends with him. Arthur, was it? Poor dude.” You mumbled, but he didn’t look all too offended.

He tapped his chin and hummed. “Now that you mention it.” Then, he let out a short laugh. “It’s a long story. Let’s just say it was a happy little accident.”

“Unfortunate.”

“But don’t worry! I don’t plan on bothering you as much as him today.” Ivan clarified, earning a slow nod from you. Phew. The clock was inching closer to eight and you weren’t much of a morning person, so hearing that was like music to your ears. “That’s why I wanted you to finish your work yesterday. I want him to be the only one making mistakes! It’s interesting to see him mess up and get embarrassed.”

You had to wonder if he was using ‘interesting’ as a synonym for fun because he was clapping. “... Ivan, you really are a sadist.”

The two of you stayed in that café for another hour or so, ordering some breakfast during your stay. Once the table was cleared and the bill was paid, you and he caught a bus to the London eye. You could marvel at the iconic ferris wheel for a few minutes as you walked up to the London aquarium next to it, your first stop. The building was huge to start with, and it didn’t look like they’d be storing fish in there considering how fancy it was. But wasn’t everything in England fancy?

“He should be waiting in the front. Look for a short grouchy man with a bad taste in fashion.” You shot him a weird look, beckoning him to elaborate.

“... And blonde hair.”

“Alright. I guess I’ll try my best.” Glancing around the sea of people filled with tourists, couples, and families, you skimmed the crowd for someone who fitted the description--but to no avail. It was only when they walked up to you both did you find the guy. He had short and choppy blonde hair that framed a heart-shaped face, and under his fringe was a pair of lime green eyes staring on with a neutral expression. And did Ivan say he had bad taste?

You couldn’t agree. Yes, his charcoal pants were ripped and he had a bandana tied around his neck with a Union Jack on it. But he still had a kind of style you liked. Under his black leather jacket was a gray shirt, and combined with the piercings in his right ear, you couldn’t help admiring him for a second.

“Arthur! I was wondering if you were trampled because we couldn’t find you.” Ivan began, causing the said man to furrow his brows. And boy, were they thick.

“You just arrived, so don’t start now you twat.” He grumbled. Ivan never teased you for your height, even when you were a little shorter than the Brit. He always found it cute, but you figured it was only because you didn’t care. The Russian always found amusement in poking fun at others, after all. “Anywho, I’m glad I won’t be spending the whole day alone with you.”

Turning to you with a soft smile this time, he held out a hand for you to shake. “Kirkland. Arthur Kirkland.”

You shook it, but not without a laugh. It hadn’t even been a minute since meeting him, and his personality seemed to clash violently with his appearance. He sounded so prim and proper, but his outfit screamed punk rock.

“(L/N). (F/N) (L/N).”

He released you from his grip. Placing his hands on his hips with an accusing stare, he felt a grin upturn his lips. “Are you copying me, (F/N)?”

“I don’t know. Do all British people introduce themselves like James Bond?”

Arthur clicked his tongue. “... Not all of them. Just a force of habit.”

“Mhm. Right, right. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Arthur. I’m a student here too and I could only imagine how busy it gets for you--so thanks for coming out today!” He didn’t respond to those comments and simply nodded.

Ivan stayed quiet in the back, but he was probably reading the atmosphere like he always did when he didn’t speak.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” The blonde turned on his heel and closed his eyes. “As much as I’d like to stay out here and chat, we can do that in the aquarium. Wouldn’t wanna waste our tickets, do we?”

While the group of three wandered slowly through the establishment, Ivan lingered in the background while you walked in the front with the Brit. For the first ten minutes, you’d look at him expectantly, gesturing for him to join in the conversation. As the mutual, wasn’t he supposed to be the icebreaker? He’d shake his head every time, offering you a smile as if to say, go and make some friends. But soon, this brief spell of irritation morphed into gratitude.

“I’ve been here probably a hundred times, so don’t take it personally when I don’t seem as excited as you.” Turning to him to watch his face as he spoke--which was filtered through a bluish tinge from the Antarctic setting-- you only caught a brief glimpse of it before he turned away. Huh. Maybe it was just you not paying enough attention.

Either way, what came out of your mouth next would surely grab his.

“Don’t worry about it. But hey, this is the first time you’ve been here with me, so look alive, won’t you?” It happened to be a slip of the tongue, something bold and improvised, but luckily, he reacted fairly quickly before the regret set in.

“Oi, you better not be flirting with me already,” Arthur grumbled, feeling another smile come as he heard you chuckle. Since when was he this expressive? He pinned it on the fact that he was starting to have a little fun himself.

“Couldn’t imagine it.” Before he could add anything else, you hopped in front of the penguins and started waving your friend over with great gusto. “Ivan, c’mere. Arthur, mind taking a photo of us?” Once he joined your side, the two of you held up peace signs for the Brit to snap a photo.

“Ivan, change your pose. We can’t have both of you doing the same thing.”

The said man moved his peace sign to the back of your head so he could stick two fingers over it. “Is that better?”

“... Better.” Trailing his emerald eyes to you, he felt his cheeks heat up a touch at the sight of you grinning ear to ear. What the fuck, Arthur. Just take the damn photo. And that was exactly what he did, showing you both right after. Whatever just happened, he boiled it down to him idealizing a stranger. That was right. He had yet to get to know you, so his perception of you couldn’t be any better at this stage.

But there was one thing he couldn’t deny.

“Damn, I look really ugly in this. You two better not post this anywhere.” You settled a hand over the screen to lower it with a nervous laugh. Then, you looked away, and what was that? You looked a little flustered.

You were cute.

Hanging his head to look at the photo, he knitted his brows together. You? Ugly? He couldn’t imagine it.

“... I bet I could take an even uglier one of you.”

Spinning back to him, you folded your arms. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head slowly, and the amusement in his voice made it blatantly obvious he was lying.

“That’s what I thought.”

Walking off at that, Ivan followed. Because he was behind him, he could brush his shoulders against his. Arthur looked up at that, but almost wished he didn’t. Ivan was smiling down at him so shrewdly, it was threatening. Then, he raised a hand to his mouth so he could laugh softly. “Huhu. You like (F/N)~”

His eyes flew open and blood rushed up to his face. “What the hell gave you that impression? I literally just met them!” As adamant as he sounded, he knew deep inside he liked you, but only platonically. Your personality was refreshing, and talking to you was as easy as breathing. Even if it wasn’t platonic attraction, he was endlessly frustrated the other figured it out earlier than he could.

Whatever it was, he was certainly more sociable than usual, even to the point of being a tease. And not to mention the rosy cheeks. Maybe he should’ve just kept his trap shut--otherwise, his huge outburst let Ivan milk the obvious. Fuck. He even started to giggle like a schoolchild.

Giving him a rough shove, he muttered a string of curses under his breath. “I bloody hate your arse, you know that?” He hissed, his face now redder than a tomato. God, why he did have to be born so pale? Every slight change to his complexion was jarring, and it was embarrassing.

“Don’t hate me because I’m right,” Ivan hummed, joining his side as your back came into view. “Once you realize, it’ll be too late. I’m not letting you have (F/N). I will always be (F/N)’s number one.” Lighting up at that, he skipped off to you in the front. “Wait for me, sunflower! Don’t leave me alone with Arthur!”

Arthur stopped in his tracks and clenched his fists. How annoying. If he was going to continue being a little tyke, then he figured he’d up his game as well. He didn’t know what that exactly entailed yet, but he’d do it. Ivan didn’t even sound like he wanted anything more than friendship, so what was with that? Pointing a finger at him as he walked off with you, his face scrunched up.

“What did you even call me out for then, you idiot? I’m supposed to be guiding you both!” Picking up his pace at that, he slotted himself between you and him. Flashing you a brief smile, he gave Ivan another push without breaking eye contact. “It’s a tight fit for three, so he’ll stay in the back.”

“Hey, no fair!”

By the time the whole aquarium was toured, you and Arthur were laughing to yourselves while leaving through the exit.

But the joyful atmosphere was short-lived.

The Ferris wheel just outside was the next stop, and the Brit offered to splurge a little to have a carriage without strangers. That way, you could run around as much as you wanted, even if that meant leaving the two men to sit in their lonesome. While Ivan was sitting on the bench in the centre out of his own volition, the same couldn’t be said for him.

Sitting back to back to the other, he pressed his legs firmly together and leaned over in a hunch. Then, he dug his hands through his hair, all while keeping his round eyes fixated on the ground. His heart couldn’t stop pounding, and his head was spinning like a carousel. What was he thinking, taking you here? That was right. This was an iconic destination you couldn’t miss, that was why. He was initially planning on staying back there on the ground, but you were so excited, he couldn’t help but hop on with you.

Fuck. Maybe Ivan was right about him. But he wouldn’t let him know it. Speaking of the guy, he didn’t know if he was sitting there by choice, or just rubbing it in. While he was incapacitated by fear so he couldn’t even stand, he was sitting there because he wanted to.

“You should’ve stayed on the ground if this was going to happen.”

Arthur screwed his eyes shut and tightened his arms around his stomach. “... Shut up.”

“I was just saying.” Ivan murmured, looking at him over his shoulder. Poor guy. He really was down bad, wasn’t he? Down bad for you, that was. Too bad Arthur was hoping he wasn’t convinced--but it was too obvious. So all Ivan wanted was to prove his point, and later on, keep you away from him. But maybe he’d save it until after the ride was over. “... This ride is thirty minutes long. You’ll live.”

He heard the other groan. “Thirty minutes? How long has it been?”

“Mm... Ten.”

“Fuck me.”

Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be long before you would pull away from the railing and return to the company of the two. Arthur had been praying that somehow, you’d leave him alone sitting there, pathetically, but he couldn’t expect something so cold from you. So while he hung his head, he wasn’t surprised to feel your hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, you okay?” He heard you ask, but he never looked up.

“... Yeah. Just give me a minute.”

“I have. Ten, actually.” Taking a seat beside him, you leaned down to peer at his face, which was a few shades paler than normal. He didn’t even have the energy to respond, and kept his eyes fixed to the ground. Concern immediately contorted at your features, especially when he looked so shaken. “Arthur, you look a little sick. What’s wrong? Can you talk?”

He shook his head slowly before managing a weak smile at you. “Sorry, love.” It didn’t even faze him he just called you that. He was far too uncomfortable to feel the embarrassment from a nickname he should’ve saved until a little later.

“I’m not... Too good with heights. Never have been... I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” His voice was slow and faint, and you were beginning to suspect he was having a panic attack. “... Sorry if I seem a little lame.”

“No, of course not.” You frowned. “Things like this happen. Just breathe with me, okay? You can do it. Just count to ten.”

Arthur took a deep inhale. “... Okay.”

Around ten minutes later of these exchanges, he calmed down some, especially when you kept on reminding him that the carriage was finally descending. Once the ride was over, you had to help him up and walk him out. Now that he had his two feet planted firmly on the ground, it didn’t take long for him to recover. Even then, you remained rather cautious and stuck with him on your journey to Soho. By the time everyone took their seats in Circolo Popolare, a beautiful Italian restaurant Arthur so kindly booked, you were still looking out for him.

Leaning over to rest your head on the table, you glanced up at his face with a soft smile. “... You okay now?”

A light blush dusted his cheeks and he nodded. You didn’t need to be this observant with him considering he was well now, but he loved your attentiveness. It wasn’t something he was used to. “Yeah, I’m fine now. Thank you. Now quit worrying about me, alright?” Rubbing the nape of his neck at that, you couldn’t help lingering on his body language for a moment.

It didn’t matter what he dressed like, or what his personality was. He could be endearing when it came to it, and a total softie too. And the thought made you smile even wider. If he thought you were cute, then you thought he was adorable. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone.” You slowly turned to Ivan, the action making Arthur tense up a little.

Reaching out to your hand, he took it. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

The feeling of his warm fingers around yours made your heart skip a beat. Did he just? Your thoughts manifested into your look of shock, and you darted your eyes over his neutral expression to try and decipher it. Before you could come up with anything, there was a phone in your face, followed by a flash.

“Wha--?”

He turned the screen to you to reveal a photo of you, and in your opinion, it was the least flattering picture anybody had ever taken of you. “I said I’d take an uglier photo of you, didn’t I?” Arthur grinned, the words acting like a cold splash of water to bring you back to reality.

“... You sneaky little shit.” You growled. “Delete that right now!”

“How about no?”

“I’ll never forgive you for this, Arthur.”

“I think you already have, love. You’re smiling right now.”

You stared at him wordlessly for a few seconds. Then, out of nowhere, you reached out to snatch his phone right out of his hands. Tapping furiously on the screen to get rid of it, you heard his chair scrape back violently as he tried to retrieve it. “Why, you--”

But it was too late. Gone forever. Lost in the abyss of cyberspace. And so, he immediately channelled his frustration by jabbing his fingers into your sides. “If I can’t have that photo of you, at least let me do this!” You burst into a fit of laughter so loud, nearby patrons turned their heads. Only then did he pull away, leaving you to recover through breathless wheezing.

“Fuck you, Arthur.” You whispered, but it was on an affectionate note more than anything. As you glowered at him from your seat, you never noticed Ivan doing the same thing, but he was glaring at the Brit for an entirely different reason. Arthur had to be the most self-aware person out there, and to make a scene in a restaurant like this? He really fell for you, didn’t he?

When he realized Ivan’s scorching gaze burning into him, he froze.

Not just out of how intimidated he was, but the epiphany that he was right all along. Why else was he acting so out of character? The only explanation was this--in the short time of being with you, he may or may not have developed a little crush. But that was no problem, right?

All he needed to do was to ask you out.

But that would prove a task easier said than done, especially when Ivan decided to attach himself to you by the hip after that stunt. That cunning bastard knew what he was doing. After a little window shopping around Bond street and Mayfair, he stuck to you like a tattoo, and kept it up until night fell. While the group walked around Camden, Ivan kept you by his side with a firm grip on your hand.

When you asked why he was suddenly so clingy, he simply justified it with, “It’s dangerous for small people like you to wander around at night!”

But Arthur called bullshit. Especially when the other went ahead and smirked at him right after saying it. Maybe he liked you too, but was refusing to admit it. How hypocritical. If not, then he probably didn’t want you making friends when you were the only friend he had. Whatever it was, he wasn’t about to back down so easily. Camden may be the last destination for the night, and perhaps, the last time he’d see you again for God knows how long, but it was his trump card.

If this didn’t sweep you off your feet enough to get you to pull away from Ivan, nothing would.

As a town famous for its thriving nightlife and punk culture, it encompassed everything he was passionate about, and he’d give anything to show it to you. So he included a visit to the bar here on the agenda today, one that hosted live music. While you and Ivan got comfortable in your seats, Arthur never made a move to sit down.

It was already dim inside, so you never noticed him leave. The next time you saw him, it was a few minutes later when he was on stage with a few other musicians. Leaning forward with surprise, you watched him strap on a bright red electric guitar. Walking up to the microphone, he adjusted that. No way.

You were still trying to process him being a professional performer, but a lead singer as well?

The second he strummed the strings to start a guitar riff, he opened his mouth to start singing.

Play this while you read

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youtube

Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time

And turning all against the one is an art that's hard to teach

His fingers never stopped moving as he belted out note after note. His voice was so different to how he talked, you had to do a double take. He sounded a little more rasp, a little more punk. To say you were impressed was an understatement.

Now dance, fucker, dance, man, he never had a chance

And no one even knew it was really only you

While he jammed out on stage, he was electric. The energy in the bar exploded, and he had everyone singing along. You could almost see the confidence in him shoot up from the excitable crowd, because he was smirking.

Nice work, you did.

You’re gonna go far, kid!

Turning his head to you as he sung that line, you raised a hand to your mouth. Whether he did that on purpose or not was a mystery. But no words could describe how attractive it was. Hell, it even made you mind blank for a few moments. This was Arthur? He was like an entirely different person! Needless to say, you were completely star struck.

You couldn’t even make out what Ivan was telling you when the music was blaring in your ears. But you didn’t care. Arthur had you caught in a trance with his voice and guitar all until the end. When the song finally ended, the band bowed graciously and threw up hand signs as the audience erupted in applause and cheers.

When he stepped off the stage, you didn’t hesitate to run up to him. There, you practically pounced on him for a tight embrace. “Oh my god, you were amazing! I didn’t know you could play so well! And sing, too! Why didn’t you tell me!?” You exasperated, pulling away to be met with his dazzling smile. It was the first time you’ve seen him so energetic, as if performing sparked a fire inside him that burned with youthful intensity.

“I was dying to show you all day. I wanted it to be a surprise, and I had to save the best til’ last, didn’t I?” He grinned, feeling his heart swell up with warmth as he watched you light up.

“Well, good on you! I loved it!” Squeezing him again, you felt his chest shake under his laughs. When you pulled away, you reached up to cup his face. But it felt so natural in the spur of the moment, even he didn’t seem to care.

“Thanks again for today, Arthur. I really appreciate you taking us out today. You completely blew me away.”

The way how you phrased it reminded him of why he was here in the first place. That was right. He still had to ask you out. And with Ivan watching on from afar, this was his chance. The thought reddened his cheeks, but while you had his face in your hands, he couldn’t feel more comfortable. “Is that so? If that’s the case, how about I take you out again?” His expression grew serious. “A proper date, I mean.”

It was your turn to blush, but you managed a quick answer.

“No need to look so serious, love. Of course I’ll go on a date with you.”

He chuckled and leaned in to peck your lips. “Stealing my vocabulary now, are we?”

“Stealing kisses now, are we?”

“Touché.”

Now a third wheel of the group, he breathed out a soft sigh and rested his cheek on his hand. “I guess my job here is done.” It didn’t really look like it, but he had been trying to play the wingman all along. Arthur was always one to go a little crazy when he wanted something, and only more so when he was desperate. So all he gave him was a little push in the right direction.

Maybe he would thank him later, but for now, he’d leave you two be.

This is a request. Thank you for requesting.

#hetalia fanfiction #hetalia #aph #aph england #england x reader #aph england x reader #arthur kirkland #request #oneshot #hetalia x reader #Axis Powers Hetalia #Axis powers ヘタリア #alfredosauce50 #hetalia fanfic #ivan braginsky #aph russia #aph russia x reader #reader insert #x reader

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hebescus · 3 years

Text

...and i hope he does / read on ao3

i was planning to reread labb but the part where mello said he hoped light reads it and realize how much shit of a human he is took me straight to google docs. light is pretty mean in this and this is just my good old 2am dump so don't expect anything serious 😅 plus ghost!L bc i like it and i can. and did jov just write a l and light gen fic? inprovement, i dare say. anyway enjoy <3

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"This is sick," Light Yagami groaned, practically throwing a stack of spiral-binded stacks of papers onto his wooden desk.

"You're being ambiguous, Light-kun. Are you complimenting his writing or disapproving of it?" The thin breeze of air flowed like sharp strands of familiar black hair brushing against Light's left ear. He shivered, never getting used to it, ever.

"Did you really tell him this? All of this?" He ignored the previous remark and spun his chair to face the slightly hazy form of a man next to him. "You tell him you're a bottom and B's an...agressive top?

"He exaggerated some parts, that one was his wording. But yes, I did tell him the whole story," the man answered, eyes glued on the paper — book? message? — still. "He was only thirteen then. I almost can't believe he remembered it so clearly and uses it as the remains of his living."

"I still don't understand why Near sent me this though," Light muttered, keeping his speculating thoughts away from L's ghost ears. "And you're not helping either, L. Pretty sure his ghost would be so stoked to see you more than I do now."

"I wondered what would be their reaction when they found out they died by the same hand, with the same pen, from a paper of the same book," L dismissed that and made his own question again, still crouching on the dining chair Light pulled into the bedroom just for him. It's not like Light can escort him away too, sadly.

"They? You mean…"

"B and Misora, yes."

"Their mistake," Light answered with a low voice, stood up from his desk and started to get rid of his loosened tie."I hope they didn't gain any information after I read this and haunt me like you do."

"The thing is, Light-kun, if they can, there would be two hundred thousands of translucent beings hanging around this whole apartment building," L said sarcastically, while following the other like a puppy on a leash.

"Stop following me around. You're not my shoulder demon."

"I'm your shoulder angel then?"

If Light knew L's soul did not rot alongside his body instead tormenting each of his moves like this, he wouldn't have killed him. "That Beyond guy looks nothing like you, by the way."

Now that he discovered him again, his picture on the screen of his computer resurfaced from the bottom of his memory. Light remembered Ryuk's cackle when he saw it. He also noticed something similar in both of their eyes. Beyond's eyes caught the camera, his gaze pierced into his soul as if he could see something a human incapable of.

Now he understood why.

"He wore makeup, straightened his hair and manipulated his facial expressions. The mugshot won't show you all that."

"If you asked me if he's cool, I would've answered the same thing as Misora."

"All that to beat me."

"After seeing your face? No wonder, yeah. I knew that feeling. Long, long ago…" Light sighed, in the act or out of real weariness, no one's sure. "Good memories and nightmares."

"That's not nice, Light-kun."

"Oh yeah? I bet Beyond Birthday knows how nice you are." Light laid on the bed and L followed. He spoke monotonously. "Talk about being tossed into the very corner of an enormous brain after pulling each end of the earth just to gain your attention."

"He wasn't worth my time," L turned to face him.

"Not fair. I didn't even try and suddenly you're obsessed with the case to a point where you chained yourself to me and," Light shook his head with a fake, slight frown. "And then you fucking die, in my arms! When will justice be served for Mr. Birthday?"

"Light-kun is an asshole."

"What can I do? I'm not even worth the dirt beneath your shoes."

"If only Mello knew the circumstances you're under when you read it. I'm sure he'd be upset. But I do think the message served their purpose," L smiled mockingly.

"Whatever. Now go, tomorrow is my big day. I have to sleep," both of them checked the digital clock : 1.28.10 / 01:33 . "Seriously L, I don't want to sleep with you. Go talk to Ryuk or something."

"Right. I'll see you tomorrow."

With that the ghost left through the walls. Only to reappear as he promised between rusted steel and blood red stairway. The book, the sacred dying message which Near gave to him for the written wish — whether it was more of a spiteful remark or a literal purpose, he complied — of his passing friend left untouched before Misa Amane, twenty days later decided to dispose of it. To rot with every soul, every name ever written inside it.

#me at 6pm : i dont want to write again. i want to give up writing. me at 2am :#death note #light yagami #l lawliet #my writing #labb #i gues??#this is nonsesnse #my fic

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phandombigotryarchive · 3 years

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Trigger warning:

Discussions of sexual assault, transphobia, transmisogyny, chattel slavery and violent antiblackness.

Good afternoon,

It may come to many people's great happiness in this community that I am no longer interested in muling for a fandom that wants my community dead and excuses our deaths.

I am not here to hold your hand on why you should see Black people as human beings if you are unable to do so.

I'm not here to sit around here to convince you that the Black trauma that you are excusing is of real live human beings. That enslaved Black people were mothers, fathers, cousins, siblings, aunts, nephews, loved ones and by brushing off the pain that they went through, you are dehumanizing literal human beings.

This is a fandom that excuses white supremacy, discrimination of people with facial differences, transmisogyny, orientalism, the objectification of m/m ships (often involving a party of color), ableism, transmisogyny/transphobia, general anti-Blackness, colorism and we can go on for just about forever.

It protects those and their enablers and in addition to this, excuses and normalizes the use of chattel slavery as a fanfiction trope.

Think about this before you consider aligning yourself with the people in this fandom or joining it at all.

Therefore, this archive serves a reminder of what the true nature of the Phantom of Opera fandom holds and no matter how many times you block me, you cannot erase this. It serves as a resource for current marginalized fans and future fans to heed warning of the false respectable aura these bigots parade.

I would like to thank our allies for doing as much as they can for the sake of protecting themselves from this fandom. Don't worry. I saw your posts. I thank you.

To all non-Black people of color that stood by and watch this happen without a care, I'm not surprised that you would have such lack of feeling for Black fans. I would implore you to do better but that would imply that any of you actually had spines.

Anyways. Keep the Black names of actors under Phantom of the Opera out of your mouths and gifsets. I know who you are and that you're seeing this. No, posting pictures of Norm Lewis and Derrick Davis along with others will not solve anti-Blackness in a fandom that excuses chattel slavery.

Non-Blacks cannot accept "apologies" for anti-Blackness and slavery apologists.

Take your performatism somewhere else.

Blackness, being Irani and the beauty of being trans is something to be celebrated. Do not forget this even in such a bigoted, white supremacist fandom.

To all those who are affected by the phandoms bigotry, let me say this. You are not alone.

Now, I will recount these past months events of transphobia and antiblackness. for anyone who was lost within the narrative.

We begin with @transphantomweek. @cefantomeenhabitnoir noticed that i-penna and filthybonnet, both big names in the fandom were perpetrators of transmisogyny. When he called this out, they were instantly shut down, blocked and isolated from the fandom.

@cefantomeenhabitnoir has an entire Google doc dedicated to the harassment they faced and the transmisogyny perpetuated in this fandom and you can find it on his page and in my phandom bigotry callouts tag.

Kept Below is the fic that @cefantomeenhabitnoir is referring to.

See my phandom bigotry callouts tag and @cefantomeenhabitnoir 's transmisogyny/transphobia call out for more details, which is also in that tag.

Now we bring ourselves to our current situation. Madamefaust.

On February 25th, 2021, I called out madamefaust for using the tragic mulatto trope, exploiting the usage of the Dumas Family (real life victims of the Haitian-French slave trade) to racebend Raoul De Chagny as a biracial. Black-French Man in her since deleted fic, "Strange Sweet Sound".

I will explain to you why this is bad.

"Do you even know the implications of naming a Black/White biracial child a bastard and flat out stating that their white side was involved in the slave trade? It means that child’s mother was possibly raped. You are implying that Raoul’s mother was a victim of slavery and sexual trauma. You are playing into the tragic mulatto trope. You are anti-Black."

- Me in my original call-out post (which you can find on my pinned.)

The tragic mulatto trope is trope born from slavery times involving a Black/White biracial child who was the product of rape between a white and enslaved Black party (typically female). They are pitied for their Blackness.

"Lydia Maria Child introduced the literary character that we call the tragic mulatto in two short stories: "The Quadroons" (1842) and "Slavery's Pleasant Homes" (1843). She portrayed this light skinned woman as the offspring of a white slaveholder and his black female slave. This mulatto's life was indeed tragic. She was ignorant of both her mother's race and her own. She believed herself to be white and free. Her heart was pure, her manners impeccable, her language polished, and her face beautiful. Her father died; her "negro blood" discovered, she was remanded to slavery, deserted by her white lover, and died a victim of slavery and white male violence."

After I called this out, many people in the fandom blocked me and began to post very cryptic things regarding cancel culture.

Madamefaust is not exempt from participating in my harassment. Madamefaust is a pharoga writer and a large number of the people harassing me were pharoga shippers. You can find the list of names in @cefantomeenhabitnoir 's bigot call out list.

Even her literal friends and mutuals were posting things regarding the words, "you don't have to care about anything" about a Black woman calling out the literal fetishization of slavery.

Madamefaust did nothing to stop my harassment. Only posting a cryptic post "to stop" while these people still kept indirecting me.

Why didn't you tell them to disengage until the damage was already done? Why didn't you confront them personally and not in some text post? You knew what you were doing. You were watching. This fandom is small.

I hope you feel ashamed and that the shame follows you forever. You were playing with literal Black lives and the deaths of many people who were murdered. Slavery wasn't a fun game. It was endless brutalization and loss of self. Black people's lives were treated as products. Me and many people's ancestors literally had nothing.

Life as an enslaved person was either get raped by the slave master or labor until you die.

And this fandom has the nerve to excuse using that as a fanfic trope?

Now, we move on to @strength-to-try

@strength-to-try dubs themselves an "anti racism" page yet allows antiblack slave trade apologists and their defenders to interact with their posts.

When a Black woman criticizes them (me), they refer to me as a "Black Individual" and flat out state that they aren't going to block out literal

SLAVE TRADE APOLOGISTS, ANTIBLACK PEOPLE AND BLACK FETISHIZERS.

YOU ARE NOT BLACK. I CAN TELL.

You cannot "forgive" or accept apologies antiblackness if you aren't Black.

The entire reason that page exists is because I was calling out ANTIBLACKNESS AND SLAVE TRADE APOLOGISM IN PHANDOM.

FUCK YOU AND FUCK EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTS @strength-to-try and their anti-Blackness, slave trade apologism and willingness to stand with white supremacists all whilst throwing me, a Black woman under a bus.

IF YOU SUPPORT THEM, YOU ARE ANTIBLACK. YOU ARE STANDING IN LINE WITH SOMEONE WHO LETS WHITE SUPREMACIST SLAVE TRADE APOLOGIST ANTIBLACK RACISTS INTERACT WITH THEM.

TAKE IT FROM AN ACTUAL BLACK PERSON (ME!)

FUCKING LISTEN TO BLACK PEOPLE WHEN WE SAY THE SHIT YOU'RE DOING IS RACIST.

The Phantom of the Opera fandom is especially not safe for Black People and Trans Women. It houses, protects and defends WHITE SUPREMACY.

But it is also not safe for darkskinned people, Muslims and Iranis.

It is reeking with people who fetishize the Daroga, a darkskinned Irani Muslim man. They lighten his skin, barely even mention his religion unless they're trying to strip it away or demonize his home country. They write him hyperaggressive and hypersexual towards Erik. They call him a monkey. This is not love. This is racism.

They also hyper-sexualize Irani women and refuse to think critically about why Gaston Leroux describes the Little Sultana, an Irani woman as so blood thirsty and Erik (a white man's) main abuser.

You can find examples in my phandom bigotry callouts tag. Or just read any pharoga fic. It's filled with this prejudiced shit.

Also I encourage you all to stop demonizing Erik's facial difference and to educate yourself on the history of ableism regarding the discrimination of people with facial differences. You can find some of these resources under my ableism tag.

So, in all, go run your money to @cefantomeenhabitnoir for the transphobic trauma you've put him through if you have a single bit of sympathy for them. You know who you are.

I don't expect much from a fandom who condones literal anti-Blackness and slavery apologism. But if any of you do feel remorse, I encourage you to run your money to Black people. Especially darkskinned, disabled and LGBT Black people whenever you see a donation post as reparations.

Silence is violence.

Also, I have put together an artist blacklist of people who supported madamefaust's use of slavery in her fanfic, defended it or flat out refused to stop interacting with said defenders of it.

In addition to this, I have added said artists who have contributed to the racist orientalist sentiment against the Daroga and, of course transphobes/transmisogynist defenders.

You can contact @queerangelic or @cefantomeenhabitnoir for the list to know which in the fandom to avoid.

More than many of you are guilty.

For new Phantom of the Opera fans considering joining the fandom? Read my pinned and check out my phandom bigotry callouts tag.

I suggest that you do not join this hellscape fandom or get out of here while you can.

Avoid this fandom as much as possible.

And Phandom? I'll see you all in hell.

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cryptidvoidwritings · 3 years

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The following bit of writing in my notes app started off what is now 22 google doc pages of it-could-be-a-real-story-like-I-have-ideas-and-zero-faith-I-can-pull-this-off Tuggerstrap fic bits. Wheeeeee. 🙃

(@falasta and @namethat-i-oughttohavetoldyou, I figure you might be interested? IDK)

“He’s on our corner again.”

Munkustrap cracked an eye open and studied his best friend. There was a glimmer in Alonzo’s green eyes that suggested who was supposedly out on the corner; Alonzo wasn’t prone to taking note of just any cat for being on a corner of their territory. Not that Munkustrap was going to give the patch tom the satisfaction of playing his game- Alonzo was already kind of insufferable when it came to his not a crush on the Maine Coon when they saw him around the neighborhood.

“Who is?” Munkustrap yawned and resettled his head on his crossed paws.

“That cat with the ridiculous mane.”

Munkustrap’s ears flicked up in spite of his best intentions to remain uninterested. Alonzo smirked at him, hopping onto the car boot.

“Yeah, the one you’ve been making eyes at every time he works the theater streets.”

“I have not!”

“I was there, Munkus. You’d think you were just discovering toms.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“‘His coat is so richly colored’,” the patch tom snorted, his voice rising mockingly.

“It is- ugh, why do I tell you anything?”

“Because you were desperate to relate the virtues of your true love?”

The silver tabby stood with great dignity and gave a luxurious, full-bodied stretch. Alonzo watched him with an unabashed grin. Munkustrap ignored him. He slid from the car boot and flicked his tail.

“You’re abusive. I hope you know.”

“Oh, yes, I am the worst and yours is the most tragic of figures.”

“I’m going to go tell him to get out of our territory.”

“You do that,” Alonzo said, his tone entirely disbelieving.

Munkustrap walked to the junkyard entrance and slipped out. The tom was on the corner of the opposite street; he was hard to miss, even if his scent didn’t hover in Munkustrap’s primal memory. It was late enough in the day that there were very few humans about, so he didn’t bother to stay on four legs. The dying light burnished the Maine Coon’s golden mane, causing the russet tiger stripes to look even darker. He lounged against the brick wall of the human den on two legs, paws hooked into one of his studded belts.

Munkustrap approached slowly. “You’re getting bold.”

The Maine Coon cracked an eye open. Munkustrap might have been tempted to think he’d not been aware of his approach had he not made that mistake once before. A lazy grin played on the other cat’s lips.

“Nothing to ‘get’ to.”

“You’d never come this close before this last week.”

“I’m keeping out of your kitten’s way.”

“Not the point. Any closer and anyone who ever knew Macavity will smell him.”

The tom shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. To his eternal annoyance, Munkustrap had never had this cat beat for height. At least they were very close in size and he had the strength of many months of training as the Guardian of the junkyard. The Maine Coon was mostly long, lithe dancer muscles. One on one in a fight, Munkustrap was fairly confident the odds would be in his favor.

He closed the distance between them and held his best neutral imposing facade. “What did you want?”

“Other than your attention?” the Maine Coon asked, smirking.

Munkustrap blinked at him. He hoped he looked unimpressed.

The tom’s smile fell away and he sighed. “You take in stray and wayward cats, I’ve heard.”

“If they come to us in need.”

“How... how notorious do they have to be before you’d refuse to have them back?”

“... You mean Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. I’ve heard that they’re good thieves.”

A shrug. “They are when you can get them to concentrate and think their actions through. Look, they messed up a job. Pretty major. Macca isn’t happy.”

“Has he—?”

“No.” The Maine Coon hissed. “They're fine. But their heads aren’t in it to be effective. Being good doesn't mean anything if they aren’t taking care of business because they’re distracted by a shiny bit of grit or it’s more fun for them to mess with the supplier. They were never going to be calculating the way he expects, but would he listen to me?”

“You know they left us, to begin with. Why come to me about them now?”

“They need to be out of Macca’s hair.” The tom held out his arms in an expressive shrug that didn’t entirely hide underlying anxiety. “And anyway, I heard there might be some cats here who miss them.”

Munkustrap watched the Maine Coon’s face for a long moment. The other tom, to his credit, looked back. He looked tired.

“Okay.”

“Thank—.”

“On one condition.”

In an instant, the warmth in the tom’s blue and amber eyes turned cold and wary. He drew himself up to his full height and folded his arms across his chest. Defensive. Defiant, at best. It hurt Munkustrap to see; he’d never known a cat to expect to be exploited.

“What?”

“Your name.”

For what seemed an age, the silence stretched between them. Munkustrap was about to give up on getting an answer. Of all the times for his bluff to be called.

Then, finally, muttered as though to the bricks: “Rum Tum Tugger.”

Munkustrap nodded. “I’m—.”

“Don’t.”

“... Can I ask why?”

“Plausible deniability. Macca really doesn’t like the junkyard cats.”

Munkustrap caught the undercurrent of worry. Perhaps even fear. He was downplaying something. The silver tabby breathed deeply. Honeyed cardamom and a hearth fire in winter and...

“... Your sage is fading.”

“Is it? Hadn't noticed. Must have changed my diet.”

“Diet doesn’t change a cat’s scent.”

The Rum Tum Tugger waved him off. “Might do. How would you know? Expect Jerrie and Teazer soon. Don’t expect them to stop being a twin set of terrors, though.”

Munkustrap wanted to push, to demand answers about the fading sage ash of his scent, but it was quite apparent in the set of the Rum Tum Tugger’s shoulders that doing so would get him nowhere. Against all instinct, he allowed the Maine Coon to give him a half-hearted salute and leave. Munkustrap watched him go.

#cats the musical #rum tum tugger #munkustrap #tuggerstrap #tuggerstrap club #please see the tuggerstrap club charter 3a.1 allows for at least one fic a quarter in which they are not related and may instead be shipped #wtf even was that #i don’t know what im doing #munkustrapxtugger #i am a simple deviant who loves one (1) rowdy boi and will ship him with just about every cat #fanfiction #fanfic #cats the musical fanfiction #alonzo is also here

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weirdmixofweirdness · 2 years

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Future Me Letter Response

So last year, I decided to go on the site Future Me and make a letter to my future self. Well, I received it today and I decided I’d respond to it here.

Here’s the letter (Please note, some names will be removed for the sake of privacy):

Dear FutureMe, Hey, Wren. Do you still go by Wren? If not, that's okay. I'd rather we not keep a name if we're uncomfortable with it (not that I am right now, but I guess I don't know if I end up feeling that way.). I'm in a weird place right now. In case you don't remember, Unus Annus was deleted yesterday and it feels weird not to have it on my YouTube feed anymore. For the past year, it's been such a constant of chaos and existential dread, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Do you still have the UA notes in your Google Docs? If so, do you still look back on it every now and then (when you're not busy with classwork. Oh, who am I kidding? You're still on the internet and procrastinating most of the time.)? Also, have you made that YouTube channel? Recently, I've started to come up with UA-esque ideas for my own channel. I hope I actually act on that. If you haven't, it's okay. There's always next year. How's the family doing? Ever since Aunt Mom died, things have felt good between Uncle Dad and me. He calls every now and then to check on me. It's so sweet! (Hopefully, nothing happened to him and I didn't just make my future self cry. If I did, I'm so sorry!) Are you still close with Aunt L? We went out for lunch at J&P's yesterday (in her new car) and had a great time. Hopefully, when you're reading this, Little Miss Rona is gone and you and her are able to go on your monthly dinners (if nothing happened to her, which I hope nothing did). Have you discovered more about your identity? Right now, I identify as a grayasexual lesbian aromantic homoalterous demigirl (boy, that's a mouthful!). That could always change, though. However I choose to identify in the future, just know that you are valid, no matter what anyone says. Have you written more of your stories lately? Right now, I'm on (yet another) hiatus. I'm hoping to improve on the speed and quality of my writing. Hopefully, I actually have (at least a little bit). Is @lildevyl still on Tumblr and writing? She's such a sweet person! So many bad things are happening to her right now that she doesn't deserve. If she's still there, send a message to her after you read this letter. Let her know how much you care for and appreciate her. You'll really make her day. Now, to the big questions for 2021. First of all, how is Biden doing as President? Are things getting better? More importantly, did Trump have to get escorted out of the White House by security? If he did, was it hilarious? I bet it was! I hope that guy was treated exactly how he treated the country: with no respect whatsoever. Anyway, rant over. Okay, here's my second big question: how's drinking? I don't think I'm gonna be a big drinker. In fact, I know I'm not gonna be a big drinker (unless you drink that alcoholic iced tea.). How was your first drink? What was your first drink? Where did you have your first drink? Okay, I'm done asking drinking questions. You're probably tired of that. How is my cosplay thing going? I've been telling myself that I'm gonna be doing some once I have enough money to buy stuff for it. The ones I'm the most excited to do are Mayor Damien and Actor Mark. Have you been able to do those? If so, know that I'm internally screaming just imagining it. Okay, I think that's all I've wanted to ask. The only thing I have left to say is this: you're an amazing person with so much to give. Please be kinder to and more patient with yourself. Change doesn't come instantly. Just keep moving to the best of your ability and know that there are so many people who believe in you (and this is coming from yourself, so you can't deny it!). And as Mark said on that UA livestream, be sure to try and spend every second doing stuff that makes you happy, whether it be working on a story or just relaxing and watching YouTube videos. I guess what I'm trying to say is take care of and believe in yourself. I wish nothing but the best for future me in all that I do.

Hope to see you again in 2022, Wren Wesley

My response

Past Me,

Hello from the future. To start off, no, we chose not to keep the name Wren. After a while, we ended up feeling like it didn’t fit us. Now, we go by either Tori or Arden. We have decided that we want to make Arden our middle name. Mae is too feminine, and Arden seems like a name that fits us. Yes, I remember Unus Annus being deleted. How could I forget? As you said, it impacted us so much. In fact, we set up an anniversary project for it on the internet. Unfortunately, mental health stuff got in the way and we had to postpone it to next year. Hopefully, I’ll be talking about it in my letter response in 2022. As for the notes, yes, we kept them. No, we haven’t looked at them every day. We’ve been so swept up in TikTok, Tumblr, and YouTube (as well as school stuff, of course) that we haven’t really looked at it for a while. Regardless, I still have it in my Google Docs and will be looking at it again sometime either today or this week, since you reminded me. Unfortunately, we haven’t made that channel yet. We got kinda sidetracked with life and, again, mental health. As you said, there’s always next year, so I’ll try as hard as I can to make that happen. Family relations hasn’t been too good recently. A few days ago, I started a temporary college leave and am living with Aunt L until Fall 2022. Uncle Dad isn’t too happy about it. He feels as we’re abandoning him. However, you know as well as I do that we need a break from that environment. We don’t feel like we can truly be ourselves with him. From this, we’ve discovered that we have troubles with communication. We’re looking to get therapy for it very soon. For now, we’re settling into Aunt L’s house. The room she gave us is nice. We even have a TV to play our Switch on (yes, we got a switch this year. Aunt L gave it to us as a birthday present). I guess that answered your questions about our relationship with her. And yes, we are once again doing our monthly outings with her. Our identity has changed somewhat drastically since you wrote this letter. As of 2021, you will start identifying as an Agender/Neutrois, Libramasculine, Aromantic, Panqueerplatonic, Aegobisexual. Yep, it’s even more of a mouthful now. However, we’re much happier with our identity now. Yes, we have some moments of doubt, but everyone has those moments. we haven’t written many stories lately. In fact, we accidentally deleted our writing blog, so now we’re mainly writing on AO3 (when we do write). However, we have so many ideas for new stories and hopefully they’ll be written by the time I respond to the next letter. We also discovered that the speed of our writing doesn’t really matter. Write on your own time (although you do still need to push yourself to write every now and then). Yes, Dev is still on Tumblr. We haven’t talked much this year, unfortunately. I’m hoping to improve on that from now on. I don’t want her to end up another person that I fall out of contact with due to my lack of socialness. (Dev, since I tagged you in this, just know how much I appreciate you. I’m gonna try to show that appreciation more this coming year, because you deserve all of it. You are such an amazing and talented person who I have the amazing pleasure of knowing.). Biden has been...meh. I mean, I feel less constantly stressed than when Trump was in office. However, there has been a shortage of a lot of things recently. Whether that’s him or a side effect of Covid, I don’t know. But, yeah, it’s a pretty meh presidency so far. And no, Trump didn’t have to get escorted out. However, Trump supporters did storm the Capital in January, so yeah...As for drinking, it’s not all that, just like we expected. Other adults hyped it up way too much. My first drink was this random, small bottle of wine at Uncle Dad’s house. It was terrible! The cosplay thing is moving very slowly, but we’ve done more. We haven’t dressed as Damien or Actor yet (sorry, you have to hold your excitement for a while). Still, we dressed as Chase and made 2 cosplays out of our DA OC, Nora Ables. It’s not much, but it’s still progress. Well, that’s all the answers I got. Thanks for the encouragement. You didn’t know, but I needed that so much right now. Anyway, I guess I’ll write another letter and make this a tradition. So, see you next year,

Tori Arden/WeirdMix

#arden speaks #future me letter #future me letter response #politics #agender #neutrois

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