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wickedpact · 4 years

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dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........ late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.) the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest.

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

#IS THIS GETTING TAGGED? YES #nicolo di genova #joe x nicky #my_essays #the fair youth saga

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moon-goddess-posts · 3 years

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Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction and I decided to write kaeya first because I just love him sm 😭😭��😭 anyway hope you guys enjoy! Zhongli is up next. I'm also new to Tumblr so idk how this works LMFAO

Kaeya x Gn reader

Fluff, kaeya is weird but its ok cause he warms up to you, didn't proof read this cause it was 1am

You were walking around the streets of mondstadt, you always loved the night and decided to come out for some fresh air. Lost in thought, you were reflecting on your first moments here and how the handsome calvary captain gave you a tour of the city. You were an adventurer from Fontaine seeking to do research on all the 7 regions. Mondstadt was the first region on your list. You've heard most of it from stories on barbatos and how he saved mondstadt, but you'd love to meet the people and all the certain flowers that were around. You finally arrived at the front gate and the guards gave you a warm welcome. The city air was fresh and everything had a carefree warm feel to it. "This truly is the city of freedom" you thought to yourself and smiled. Having everything written down on your notebook, you decided to try out the foods that were common here. "What can I get for you today?" The women spoke as you came up to the counter. You took out your notebook and chose a dish. "I'll take one chicken mushroom skewer please, ah would I also ask for your name if you don't mind?" You gave a friendly smile. "My name is Sara, worker at Good Hunter! Your food will be right up. I see you arent around here." "Nice to meet you Sara, im actually traveling the 7 regions for my art pieces and mondstadt just happened to be my first one. I would love to know some tourist attractions around here, would you happen to know a guide?" It was nice to see a conversation going well especially since you were never really the best at conversations. But you wanted to hurry up because your social battery was draining fast. "Id love to be your guide" and unfamiliar voice came to the right and you shot your head to that direction. His appearance was definitely different from the rest of the citizens but looked really attractive either way. He was leaning against the booth almost giving off an intimidating nature underneath the layers of charming. "Really? That would be great, thank you so much! And uhm your name is...?" Depsite the oddness you got from him, you did your best to continue the conversation as normally as possible. "Kaeya, Knights of Favionus, happy to be your guide dear" his sudden pet name made you flitch but you pushed it off "So where are we going first dear calvary captain" you gave him a teasing remark as you smirked. He chuckled "well obviously I wouldn't be a good tour guide if I didn't show you the Barbatos statute first." "Ah of course haha" you gave him a nervous chuckle. "Is there any other reason you decided to come here other than to just "explore"" You thought he ease dropped on your conversation, and even so he still didn't find you that trust worthy. "Well I'm a pretty well known artist where I'm from, but besides just coming here to make art I also decided to write a few poems for each region. If you'd want I can show you my works" you smiled happily and his cold attitude started to fade just a bit. "You can show me once we get to the next place, feel free to draw me then too ♡" it wasn't the best first impression but at least he didn't feel as hostile anymore. You and Kaeya finally made it to the statue and it was more beautiful in person than your thoughts could ever imagine. Ideas started to flow through your brain on how to paint it. "Wow its so...." you were at a lost for words. "Breathtaking isn't it?" Kaeya finished your sentence and you flahsed him a small smile and nod. "Yeah it is, ill be sure to mark it down as the first place to paint. Maybe if you'd like, you can give it to the Acting Grandmaster as a token of my thanks for having me here" "Such a kind hearted soul arent you? I'll be sure to inform her." Kaeya patted your head and walked off, assuming he was leading you to the second destination, you started to follow him. "You should stop by the tavern Cats Tail sometime tonight, I can tell you more about this place and if you'd like, more about me," You saw this as an opportunity for more research on the area, and maybe get to know Kaeya a bit more, he truly was an interesting person, so you

accepted. "I'll be sure to make it around 18:00 or 19:00!" The next destination included a beautiful tree, lake, and another small statue of barbatos. You thought it was truly magnificent, especially how the sun hit the leaves all so perfectly giving it a warm glow. "This place is Windrise. Its often associated with love and is one of the most well know spot for dates." He winked at you and you looked away, not really sure what to do. "Is that so? I can see why. Its very beautiful." You did your best not to stutter from how flirty he was being. "This statue here is for offerings. You find anemoculous and you offer them to the statues. In return, you get a gift from the God." "Oh! We have on of those where I'm from as well, but its a different person." You weren't really sure why you wouldn't tell him where you were from, maybe it was because he was super analytical, or the whole predator with its prey vibe he got going on. "There are 7 types of statues that represent the 7 archons, would it be ok if you'd tell me where you're from? I'm just so interested in you." He gave a flirty smirk and you couldn't help but blush a little bit. "Uhm I'm from Fontaine, if you couldn't tell by the clothes. Its quite similar to Mondstadt, but I find it here to be more peaceful and calming than there." "Fontaine huh? I've heard people live the luxury over there. Very formal." He laughed a bit, part of him was right but it wasn't all that good as he was making it sound. "Hmm I guess you could say that, my parents were pretty well off but I can't say much about the rest." Your gaze drifted off to the forming sunset and you wondered if you should head back soon. "Ill head back, ill tell you more about the attractions tomorrow. Don't forget our date tonight deary..." He waved goodbye and walked off. "Deary.." you said to yourself, he flattered you very much but all of it seemed off in a way. You didn't think to much about it and decided to head back too. Your memories of your first interaction with Kaeya was over once you heard someone call your name. A familiar voice that was. "Y/n!" Kaeya called out. Automatically knowing who it was, you turned around to be greeted by a fine tall man dressed in blue tones "Hi Kaeya!" "I dont think its a good idea for a pretty lady like you to be walking out so late at night." He sounded amused but you were over it. "Oh cut it out captain, I know you were just swooning some girls a couple minutes ago." "Haha so what, you jealous?" "Dont flatter yourself, why would I be jealous anyway? Feelings like those are just a waste of time" you hated to admit that you were just a tiny bit jealous. You weren't sure how your crush on the calvary captain formed but it did and it didn't seem to be going away any time soon. Part of you thought maybe he already knew and he was just toying with you. Or maybe he was oblivious to it, thinking no one could love such a person like him. Either way, you still kept these feelings inside. "There's no shame in bearing emotion, love, its just our nature. And for a while I think you've been feeling pretty intense emotions about a certain someone..." His hand tilted your chin so you could face up to him. Shoot did he know? How was that possible? Was I that obvious? You thought to yourself, you weren't sure how you were going to get out of this situation. "I...I-its nothing that concerns of you" you broke eye contact but you knew kaeya wasn't letting up. "A lie to a lier is no stranger, but if you wish to keep your secrets then who am I to cross such a boundary." He back off from you and you started to breathe again. You wanted to tell him so bad. How much you loved and cared for him, how much you so desperately wanted to be there for him no matter what situation. You were willing to take risks for him if it meant that one day you would forever be together. But maybe you thought the image you had of him was wrong. You knew well enough his flirty nature was never sincere, and how he was hiding something much darker then you ever wanted to imagine. Even so, you still wanted your

thoughts of him to become right. So before he walked off again you mustered up the courage. "Kaeya wait! I, I do actually want to tell you something." He looked surprised now but intrigued. "Ever since we met, there was always something different about you. It always left me wanting to know more and over the years I did learn more about you. But then I started feeling these weird emotions and having thse weird thoughts like thinking maybe one day we could be together...or knowing the real you even. I know you say less than you lead on but I felt like I'd be willing to take extreme risks to know who you actually are. I feel so safe around you and I always smile at those good memories we have. I dont know if this is called love, I dont know fully what love is but you're special enough for me to be having these feelings." Thats it, you let everything out. Awaiting for rejection, you began to panic when the silence held for what seemed like an eternity, until you heard him walking toward you. He held your chin again and gave you a look you've never seen before. A mix of admiration, and happiness. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip and you tensed up. "Kaeya...." Before you could say anything else, he pulled you into a kiss. A new feeling started to arise and your whole body began to feel hot. Euphoria was coursing through your veins and you felt like you were going to fall without Kaeyas support. He was so warm, so intoxicating. You couldn't even feel where you were or he was, it all just became a bundle of sensations and happiness. You couldn't tell how long you both had kissed for but you were the first one to pull away as your breath began to shorten. "As much as a flirt as I am, I dont do well communicating my actual emotions. So id prefer to show them through my actions. I cant say it right now, but I hope that helped you realize what my answer is." He pulled you into a hug and you buried his face into his fur jacket. Already knowing his answer, you breathed a sigh of relief

#genshin impact kaeya #kaeya x reader #kaeya fluff #i love kaeya #kaeya x gn reader #kaeya genshin impact #kaey

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.

well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming

ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it

like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh

so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is

so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same

plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it

later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank

but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh

okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa

like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi

and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay

so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least

anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay

also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay

and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo

also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful

and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa

in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this

also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost

and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience

and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good

but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute

(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)

also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did

small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)

#ask #anonymous #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #malec #The Polycule™#saiaphaeliorn #simon lewis #maia roberts #raphael santiago #meliorn #alec lightwood #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

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heartau · 5 years

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Oooh you went to Neocity right? I’d love to hear descriptions of the boys in the words of a writer 🥰

omg this sounds fun !!! ok before i start this i just wanna say this is from what i personally saw when i saw them live. i was relatively close to the stage, enough to make eye contact and to be waved at, so i’ll do my best!!

taeyong: seeing him in real life was a little surreal because he looks exactly how he does in pictures and videos which is already jarring because he’s already really beautiful through those. he has really big, expressive eyes and the warmest smile; every time he would look at the audience he’d have this small smile that looked like pride. it was really really heartwarming to see. he has such a calming, relaxed and cute aura durings ments but once he started to perform... whew! his head also really big, honestly a lot of their heads were really big in real life which is adorable idjdjddk, but yeah!! i made eye contact with him a number of times and you would think his gaze would be intimidating but it really really wasnt! the only word i can describe the feeling i got from him is motherly :(

johnny: first and foremost, i do not believe that he’s 6’1... that man is gigantic. his proportions are so good, his leg to chest ratio is so... [chef’s kiss]. what you see of him in videos is truly what he is in real life, he’s so goofy and funny and lively and he always encouraged other members to do their thing as well. he’s honestly so hilarious too which makes me sad because it makes me feel like we’d get along really well if i knew him personally ... man i just wanna be his bff. but yeah he’s really tall, like towering over the other members tall; even taller than jungwoo, who was surprisingly tall as well. maybe it’s just me because i’m really short. he also has a small face in real life, but at the same time his features are so expressive that you dont even realize it haha. but yeah he’s just a happy, talented, gentle giant.

jungwoo: if i could describe jungwoo in one word it would be cherub-like. he literally has the softest features ever and he moves so gracefully, he literally glowed on stage and it was kinda shocking really. he was also really tall omg, like i was expecting it anyways since i knew that he’s around 6ft, but like... he’s REALLY tall. he has the SOFTEST, most honey-like voice but he speaks with so much confidence, it’s so so so cute and made me so happy. he also has really fluffy hair, like even from my seat i could see how soft and light his hair was; every movement he made that night just made his hair whip around really easily, like even if it was bleached you really couldn’t tell because his hair didn’t look fried at all. all in all jungwoo was truly angel-like and very graceful.

taeil: oh man taeil is beautiful on screen and through pictures already but in person he glows 100x more. he has really, really pretty skin that made him shine under the spotlight and his jawline is REALLY sharp omg. he’s also really short (which i was expecting... probably still taller than me though) and has a big head hehe. he’s also one of the members that had a really calming, nurturing energy, during the ments he would literally have heart eyes full of pride when he’d look at the audience, it was really really heartwarming. a GOOD butt. also his vocals are so, so, sooo good and very stable - there was one point (i think it was back 2 u(?) i can’t remember anything from that night other than my videos) where he used his headvoice for the highnote and not falsetto and it floored me - i’m a classically trained vocalist so you bet i freaked out in the audience. but yeah, taeil is just really calming and nurturing and REALLY funny too :(

yuta: yuta honestly shocked me because although i knew that he’s baby from interviews and other clips, i was still somehow intimidated by him, but when i saw them live he really stomped on my intimidation. he literally has the most fresh, most positive, most genuinely kind energy i’ve literally ever felt :( he had the biggest smile throughout the night, every time i’d look at him he’d just be grinning from ear to ear. “healing smile” doesn’t even come close to describing how GOOD his smile is in real life. he’s also short, something i really wasn’t expecting, like a good 2nd or 3rd shortest - really really REALLY funny too and a REALLY good dancer, i got some of his freestyle dance on camera and every time i watch it, i’m floored bc he hits every beat on the spot. i made eye contact with him at one point and i remember feeling just so happy and at peace, like... he’s not intimidating at all... he’s just a happy boy :(

mark: ohh mark... i see mark as a childhood friend so when he came out on stage i literally felt tears spring in my eyes. i live in vancouver and saw them in vancouver so i feel like that kinda intensified it a bit more as well. he is SOOOOOO undeniably funny its crazy, throughout the night i’d just be laughing at things he’d say (that were intended to be humourous ofc). his head also really big omg it was kinda jarring, and taller than i expected. his stage presence is so good, everytime they’d perform my eyes would sometimes land on him, literally SO good. honestly, when i walked into that venue i was expecting him to cry which i feared for because when someone cries, then i cry, but he didn’t!! although after the concert ended, when they were saying their goodbyes, they left mark alone to say his own goodbyes and when he was doing so, his voice kinda cracked before he did this bow and his eyes were a little glossy and i got SO SCARED because i didn’t wanna cry rkdndkdndk but yeah :( im proud of mark and you can tell that he holds pride in what he does as well!

donghyuck: MAN... donghyuck literally has the most beautiful skin i’ve ever seen. i know i’ve said this before but he glows, like he literally glows, fullsun is an appropriate nickname for him. he emitted nothing else but cute, happy, mischeviohs energy during ments but once he started performing his vibe changed so drastically it was crazy - especially during wake up and baby don’t like it. there was one part during baby don’t like it when he pressed his forehead against taeil’s and when i tell you how much i lost it because i wasn’t expecting it... oh man. i also see donghyuck as a best friend; i was born a week before he was and our natal charts are exactly the same save for our moons, so seeing him rip it up on stage was so so soo good it made me so proud :( i made eye contact with him somewhere during summer 127?? I WAS SO HAPPY AFTER like it was refreshing omg i sound so silly but im telling the truth iddndkjd he’s also shockingly tall as well, around mark’s height, maybe even taller, and REALLY long legs. like a good 90% of his body was made of leg didjdjdjd but yeah donghyuck is just... he’s really the sun and he was meant to perform.

doyoung: i will start this off by saying; i left that venue as a doyoungzen. doyoung... whew... he also shocked me because through videos and pictures i was NEVER intimidated by him at all, i honestly genuinely always just saw him as cute baby but man oh man. you know when you just KNOW that someone’s rich by the way they hold themselves? that’s doyoung... he’s really regal-like and holds himself really gracefully, like a strict prince type. he intimidated me SO much that night (in the best way possible... sexy intimidation... dont worry) like his energy was just so... intense. i made eye contact with him a number of times and when i tell you how SMALL i felt just from meeting his eyes... my goodness. he has really broad shoulders and a tiny waist, also really tall, small-ish head. his features are REALLY sharp like it’s crazy, i really have no other way to explain it. he also has really pretty hands, nimble-looking fingers. he was really adorable during ments and at one point kept hopping which was so CUTE but even then... man. his energy is just really intense. i ended up making him one of my ults after i left the venue.

jaehyun: deep inhale... so. jaehyun. honestly its kinda silly because i can remember so many details from the other members but i feel like once it comes to jaehyun i’m at a loss of words because of how in SHOCK i was to see him up close bc as you all know he’s my ultimate bias, it was my three years with him a few weeks ago. but gosh... jaehyun... i really can’t see the whole “cold prince” image they give him bc he’s so chill and relaxed? ok wow a few memories are coming to mind now; he has a really big head, which i was expecting because i’ve seen people talk about how big his head is but yeah it’s big but it’s CUTE he’s just a little bobblehead :( i made so much eye contact with him that night too and god like. i got some of those moments on camera and you can see through the videos how i’d just FREEZE every time we jefkenfkd he’s just... really chill, really relaxed, let the other members do their thing, but at the same time really silly and had this aura of confidence which was really nice. a lil shorter than i expected omg but his skin was reeallllyyyy nice and he’s very pale irl omg. he waved at me and my friend at the end of the show and i also got it on video and like... every time i watch it its just so surreal cuz like ... 😭 LIKE WHAT NOW how am i supposed to live the rest of my life now knowing i reached my peak at neocity like .... bruh

all in all these boys are just so talented and have the best stage presence ever, and they’re super SUPER interactive with the fans. beingin the crowd during touch and replay was just so... nice :( it was truly one of the happiest moments in my life and i hope that they come back soon !!! i also hope that the next time i see them, winwin is part of 127 again as well :( and lastly, i also hope that whoever is reading this sees them in the future as well bc u deserve it!!!

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faunusrights · 4 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

She chose not to dwell on it.

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in.

[...]

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are.

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke.

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.”

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

#liveblog #rwby #offal hunt

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piratadelamor · 4 years

Text

ok so, i just analyzed kageyama's birth chart!

i made this out of pure entertainment, boredom and curiosity and i don't actually believe that astrology works on fictional characters (i even have my doubts that astrology defines one person's personality since i'm inclined to traditional astrology, but anyway, this is only for fun purposes aand it's very superficial and not supposed to be taken seriously as an astrology work!!) i'm also not the type of fan who knows every single detail about a character or who remembers every single appearances and lines so i probably won't go too deep into examples...

kageyama's official birth date is 22/12/1996 and he's from miyagi, okinawa. with this information only we can already identify most of his chart: he's a capricorn sun, capricorn mercury, sagittarius venus, virgo mars, capricorn jupiter and aries saturn (i dont use neptune, uranus or pluto). being born on that day, he could either be a taurus or a gemini moon, and, of course, there's no information about the time he was born, so his ascendant is also a guess. i tried to find a solution based on the chart as a whole, and i think it makes a lot of sense!!

first thing i wanted to look for was a placement that talked about his sport skills. being sports a matter of the 5th house, it seemed clear to me that that's where his sun should be placed. the sun represents life. in one's chart, it talks about our ego, our conscious identity, and it's placement tells us where we shine, where we direct our creative life force. for mundane astrology the sun represents the authority of the state, the government - presidents, nobles, and kings. kageyama is called "the king of the court". to me there's no doubt that his sun should be at the 5th house - where he rules, where his light shines brighter, where his will to live is directed.

if so, considering the whole signs house system, we get a virgo ascendant (house I), and so on: libra (II), scorpio (III), sagittarius (IV), capricorn (V), aquarius (VI), pisces (VII), aries (VIII), taurus (IX), gemini (X), cancer (XI) and leo (XII).

it was also very convincing to me that this would also place his mars on the ascendant (virgo). being the 1st house the part of the chart that talks about our physical body, and mars talking about a person's vitality, people with mars on the ascendant or even opposite to it (VII) usually tend to push their physical body to its limit, being pretty driven to physical activities (we can clearly see that on the way kageyama and hinata always stay until very late practicing at the club, for example... kageyama’s often seen running on his free time too). it would also make a lot of sense considering his appearence (both physical and the impression he gives off) and the way he acts. mars is the planet of war. it is violence, action. people with mars on the ascendant can easily give off an intimidating appearence or presence. being a capricorn on top of that, there's no escape: that's the famous resting bitch face..... he's energetic, straightforward, competitive and independent. and that also explains the way he can become pretty agressive sometimes, mostly regarding his competitiveness and his desire to be on top. i also found it funny that while i was looking up for kageyama's birth date i came across a few descriptions of him talking about his "sharp glare", and sharp objects are also a matter of mars. about the placement on virgo, the ascendant also talks about how perfectionist he is, including his appearence (he's always filing his nails, for example, and he's never negligent about his health. actually he takes it very seriously), and mars in this sign, besides the already mentioned perfectionism, is also about being very goal-oriented and critical. it's also interesting, if we play a little with words, that virgo's symbology talks a lot about serving, and kageyama's position as a setter is about "serving" the best tosses to his teammates, besides being his serve one of his strongest weapons.

on 22/12/1996, there were 2 times when the ascendant was in virgo: around midnight and around 10pm - 11pm. but the problem is, around midnight his moon would be taurus; around 10pm his moon would be gemini. once again, the placement of the moon made my mind. for a taurus moon, it'd be placed on the 9th house. a gemini would be placed on the 10th. i'd go for a gemini moon. you could doubt that, knowing that kageyama isn't very good with words, and having a virgo ascendant, which is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication and also the ruler of gemini, could be a little off. but it's not true that all geminis are talkative and sociable like that (specially because there's not a single placement in a chart that can speak alone for a person's personality). i believe the moon in gemini fits the way kageyama mentally deals with what he loves. he keeps a fucking volleyball journal!!! and while he's playing, he's always thinking and observing every minimal detail. his mental work is impressive. no wonder he's a genius. he might not have the best way with words (and this is about the way he's not good at dealing with emotions, which a gemini moon really might not be) but he can read his teammates very well and adapt to them perfectly. this is all gemini. speaking of mercury, a mercury in capricorn isn't very good at being sensitive with words either. they also have an authoritarian way of speaking and can be quite judgemental and impatient (specially if someone doesn't get something obvious to them). with mars in virgo, moon in gemini and mercury in capricorn, i guess we get a pretty close picture on kageyama's temper and communication skills.

i thought a lot about it's placement on the 10th house as well. the 10th house, being the highest spot of one's chart, is not only the house of career and success, but of our public image too. a moon in the 10th talks about an emotional need for public recognition and an emotional energy directed to the career. this is a very important placement for him, being his moon not only in the 10th but also conjunct midheaven, which means, literally at the highest spot of his birth chart. kageyama knows he's good and he wants to be the best at what he loves the most. he wants to be on top. and that's what he's passionate about. the moon also talks about our early childhood, which is when tobio's passion for volleyball began: the events of his childhood defined the path of life he chose to follow. but he also learns that that's not something he'd conquer alone. and it makes so much sense to be gemini. after all, gemini's symbol is the twins. not even the moon shines by herself alone. considering how kageyama learned this lesson, it seems like such a beautiful placement for his chart. that's something he had to understand in order to grow and get better and reach the position he achieved.

about his venus, the planet of love and relationships, in sagittarius, it brought me to his relationship with hinata (speaking as friends/teammates/rivals/whatever you want tbh). when venus is in sagittarius, a relationship is a place to experiment and grow. sagittarius is ruled by jupiter, the planet of expansion. a sagittarius venus will want you to take them beyond, to expand their horizons. that's exactly what hinata did to kageyama since the very beginning. "when you get stronger, you will definitely meet someone even better". hinata's always pushing kageyama beyond and that's why they get so connected to each other. hinata always surprises him, their relationship/partnership is never dull, but exciting, impredictable. it's fire burning.

i'm not going too deep into analyzing jupiter and saturn, and i'm not very good at analyzing aspects, but since kageyama's such a capricorn (sun, mercury and jupiter - like me! heheh) there was no way i could look away from his saturn in aries: after all, saturn rules capricorn, and his saturn squares his sun (a hard aspect). (btw, i found out that the kanji for “kageyama” means “shadowed mountain”, which is SUCH a saturnine name?? both shadows and mountains can be related to this planet) doing a little research, i found some interesting things about this placement. about saturn in aries: "Stifling your normal and healthy, more aggressive, competitive, or self-centered qualities can be detrimental to you, possibly causing headaches. You don’t like showing weakness. (...) You fear your own feelings of inadequacy. (...) You need to be careful not to limit yourself too much due to fear of failure or fear of making a poor decision. (...) You are highly resourceful. Your ability to start fresh helps you achieve your goals". like... that was really on point i guess. i think we could relate this to his development, as he began to adapt to the karasuno spikers due to a fear of repeating what happened during middle school. saturn is the planet that talks about fears and limits, and when it squares his sun, his position of "king of the court", this is what happens: he feels limited on the way he plays, on his true nature. and by limiting that, by denying his true nature, he was limiting his space to grow. there's a really good post i came across very recently on this matter, so i'm leaving this here.

i believe this aspect would be crucial to understanding his position as the "king". saturn in aries is the dispositor of his sun in capricorn. that means, the way his sun in capricorn "behaves" is modified by his position of saturn. aries is a self-centered, hot-tempered sign with needs of control, and that defines the type of role his sun plays as the "king". of course, this relates to an especific episode of kageyama's life, but it's a crucial episode, a truly turning point of his life - like most saturn related events. to add one more detail, the sun rules his 12th house (leo), and one of the 12th house's themes is isolation - what kageyama got in middle school by acting like a "dictator king" and what he feared the most that would happen again.

#IM SORRY ABOUT THE LONG POST!!!!!!!!!#and about my english i guess.........#hq!!#kageyama tobio #bea talks

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theodcra-blog · 4 years

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✱ kim doyeon. she / her. cis female. — i know that theodora “ theo ” jung is one of the roses. which makes sense because the twenty year old’s parents are hollywood royalty known for producing and recording multi-platinum awarded albums. rumors say that they are the quixotic of the group , but who knows if that’s true. + plucking petals off of daisies in the name of a crush , steeping teabags for too long , the scent of perfume left behind on a pillowcase.

hello ! im xan and im late as usual but alas ... 😔 im 22 , from the est timezone ( even though my sleeping schedule … does not reflect that sjbdwjkbdjdw ) & i go by she / her pronouns ! i truly ... never know what im doing with intros they just turn out long & messy aha ... are u ready ? *jungkook vc* let’s get it ! 😋

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ QUICK STATS !

full name: theodora marie jung.

nickname(s): theo, teddy, dora ( but only by bullies 😠 ).

zodiac: libra sun, aqua moon ( click ! )

sexuality: bisexual.

occupation: singer / songwriter, model.

birthplace: los angeles, california.

current residence: wherever this rp is taking place aha x

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ BACKSTORY ! ( tw: sexual themes )

so her parent’s story was actually a pretty big scandal in the 90′s ! basically theo’s mom was the pretty famous front woman of a band ( think stevie nicks in fleetwood mac ) who was long engaged to the guitarist of that same band....until one day it was announced she was quitting the group and starting her solo career, leaving her fiance, and signing to a new label.....which was run by theo’s father, a young up & coming producer taking over the family business. not even three months later theo’s mom releases her first solo album, produced and co-written by theo’s father, basically detailing this years long affair the two had been having... in a series of really catchy, moving, and wildly successful songs.

the public went crazy over the drama, especially when rumors started circulating ( through detailed analysis of the lyrics to all of theo’s mom’s solo songs ) that the well known band had actually been quite toxic. basically it was enough to convince media outlets and fans alike to forgive theo’s parents for being cheaters and breaking up the band JSDBWBDJWBD. by the time theo was born in the last year of the iconic decade that launched both her parents into stardom, everyone couldn’t be happier the two stars were getting the happy life they deserved <3

so here comes baby theo.....and the world kind of just immediately labels her as america’s sweetheart. her mom had some minor health issues which just meant it would be safer to not have anymore kids after theo, so not only was she this little angel to the public, she was also her parent’s little miracle baby ! lets just say she had some big shoes to fill bc of all the expectations ..

luckily no one had to worry abt her being a demon child JSBDJWDWJ because she turned out to be a very sweet kid ! she was a HUGE daydreamer since she spent a lot of time alone growing up </3 her mom had retired from singing and was now helping theo’s dad run the label, and the two of them were always busy looking for new talent to sign. she didn’t have any siblings and although she had a really attentive nanny it just .. wasn’t the same ?? so to #Cope JSBDWBSBDJW theo was always creating these super elaborate little fantasy worlds. it wasn’t uncommon for u to find her deeply engrossed playing barbies alone like she had scripts and everything

by the time she was a preteen her parents were both really pressuring theo into thinking about a singing career, so wanting to please them ( and knowing that it was something she was kinda into anyway ) theo said ok sure ! and that’s where.....things start to take a turn. since she was so young she had this very very clean, innocent, cute image ( think disney stars ) & most of the music she was making was used for kids shows or movies. she didn’t really mind it so much but she noticed that her creative process wasn’t really valued ? or taken very seriously by her parents, because in their eyes like that’s their kid you know she’s still young, she’s always had her head in the clouds, they just really didn’t think it was a big deal if they took control.

so theo put up with it, but the years kept going by, she kept getting older, and nothing was really changing. she still had a squeaky clean image, little say in the type of music she was making, but on the outside everything looked great. the public loved her, she was a role model for kids ( even though she was a teenager now ), it was all perfect.....until it wasn’t. when she was 16, she had a scandal akin to the vanessa hudgen’s nude photo leak, except it wasn’t as explicit ( not a nude, just a suggestive pic ) and it was way way worse considering theo was a minor.

legal action was immediately taken by her parents, but once something’s out there you can’t really stop it from circulating, so the photos existed, just not on any official media sites. it was traumatizing for theo having her privacy breached like that, especially because instead of talking about how disgusting it was that someone would leak those photos when she was just a teen, gossip sites & fans alike were too busy talking about how her image was ruined. since she’d had such a clean, innocent reputation, people kinda forgot that... she was an actual person going through life growing up, and that she wasn’t perfect.

theo, being the optimist she is, was like hey you know what? this is my chance to stop making music i dont love. after what was probably her first truly honest convo with her parents, they agreed she should be free to figure herself and her art out. so for the remainder of her teenage years theo fell off the face of the music world....

only to pop back up in the modeling one ! like most celebrities, social media had a big say in this. since reputation wasn’t something theo had going for her anymore, what she did have was a hell of a following still and two famous parents ( not to mention ... shes tall JSBDJWBDWJ ) she did maybe one runway show before deciding she hated that. tbh she hated any modeling that felt too constricting, which is why she never ended up doing anything for big names & mostly does stuff for foreign brands & magazines.

she liked how much aesthetics had to do with modeling, and to some extent being a part of shoots satisfied that creative itch she had, but music was always her first love. theo really wanted to go back and revisit it, but she was scared the public’s reaction wouldn’t be what she hoped /:

so following in her mother’s footsteps, theo’s re entrance into the music scene was an ep ( 100% written, produced, edited, you name it, by her ) she released on the eve of her 18th bday basically explaining everything she went through with art. it was only four songs + an interlude, which would become the most talked about part of the whole thing because it was snippets of various reporters talking about that photo leak.

the public had mixed feelings ! unlike with what happened with her parents, not everyone was ready to “forgive” theo. and since she hadn’t done any promo for her music, or for her career as an artist independent from her parent’s famous label, it wasn’t like she was making crazy money and getting all this recognition. but !! she was insanely insanely happy, and that’s when she realized making music wasn’t something she did for other people, just something she liked to share, so what did it really matter if she could be more famous if she was an artist under her parent’s label ?

cue present day theo, model & singer, although the labels are pretty loose. although her music is getting way more recognition than it did three years ago, she’s still trying to do things independently from her parents, and she still has yet to become a chanel ambassador or anything crazy SDWBKWKFW. because of that she’s kind of garnered this new reputation for herself as one of those celebs that don’t really feel like celebs, like maybe she’s just like u except let’s be real she’s rich and her experiences are NOT universal even if her cute insta pic talking about ~her feelings~ in the caption makes u think they are

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ PERSONALITY + TIDBITS !

not even gonna lie to u guys....she is baby. i dont mean that in a uwu shes 20 but im gonna weirdly make her act like a child way im not a freak shes just baby ! like i mentioned earlier theo was a HUGE daydreamer growing up, and tbh she still is except now that’s she’s older her overactive imagination can kinda get her into trouble. a good example of that is the fact that since she’s so keen to see the silver linings in life and the bright sides, she can neglect the bad sides of people and situations so things still fit into her romanticized vision /: this was the cause for many heartbreaks in theo’s life, and she’s still guilty of doing this although she’s trying to work on it !

very much the kind of person to treat everyone like a friend ( that means strangers too ) until you prove you should be treated otherwise. it takes a lot for her to not fuck with you, so if she doesn’t like you then you probably did something to deserve it /: she’s always had a curious personality as well so it’s really easy for her to connect with people just because she’s constantly fascinated by what she doesn’t know about a person. sometimes it can make ppl uncomfortable just how casually she can have a deep convo, but she just never had that filter where she has to know you for 5 years before she opens up about her trauma </3 you know how when bp’s rose and red velvet’s joy had dinner for the first time rose made joy cry bc she was talking abt her family and stuff ? JSDBWBDW theo is rose ... she’s out there sharing trauma deepening that bond day 1 of knowing you baby ! 🤧

despite all that she’s still kind of maintained this elusive air to her? it’s not like she does it on purpose, or like no one knows the real her, it’s more like just when you’ve learned one new thing about her you realize there’s that many more things you don’t know. it also doesn’t help the fact that she’s constantly romanticizing everything, most of all herself, so she’s really crafted this “dream girl” persona without fully realizing it. im not exaggerating when i say john green wants what she has </3

a lot of times people see her as naive, not because she often sees the good in people or anything like that ( although she does ), but because she has this overwhelming sureness that everything works out in the end. to be fair though, for her, things usually do. call it good karma, luck, whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is even when it looks like there’s no way a situation can turn out well for her, somehow it does. it’s a healthy combination of money, privilege, and a charming personality but to theo it’s proof that she’s right.

naturally.....as an air sign JSBDJWBJWBD she’s a huge flirt ! the media’s always linking her to someone because she really makes it seem like she’s dating half of hollywood when the reality is she’s just being friendly. when she actually likes someone it kind of turns into a huge deal like she gets infatuated with her crushes, swears she’s in love — and then poof. one day she wakes up & realizes she’s kinda over it ... until the next person comes along of course <3

hates conflict and confrontation.....and i mean HATES it to the point where she doesn’t even confront stuff within herself ( i.e. “negative” feelings like sadness ) until one day it all bubbles over and she’s having a legit breakdown and dying her hair red.

yes, that’s exactly what happened last year, although if you ask theo about it she’ll just be like aha what do you mean i just wanted red hair luv x

pictures like these ( click ! ) of theo when she'd be walking around LA in her school uniform used to go viral on twitter.

desperately wishes she was the type of singer ppl would throw their bras at on stage when the reality is she’s out there making some chill bedroom pop kind of stuff so rip that dream </33333

knows how to play the piano and the guitar, but keeps joking one day she’s gonna make an album and only use her recorder as the instrumentals.

has a white british longhair kitty named zoe.

is 100% that bitch that can only drink sweet drinks & fruity cocktails and u know what she’s valid for it !

if she wasn’t famous she’d be making slime. legit running a slime making insta, those were her guilty pleasure & shes so mad they aren’t that popular anymore JSBDJWBDJW

u know that post that’s like “i hate making tea i always feel so bad about throwing away the tea bag i feel like i should just eat it” ? thats theo

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ WANTED CONNECTIONS !

BEST FRIENDS: a power duo the public either loves or hates, ride or dies, that 1 person theo would drop everything for no matter what.....yeah 🥺 they’d be the person she’s closest to & vice versa !

CHILDHOOD / FAMILY FRIENDS: their famous parents were friends, so it’s only natural they wanted their kids to be friends too. just imagine the stories ..... the memories .... maybe they got along really well and are still friends today ! or maybe theo pushed your muse off of the swings ( she claims it was an accident ) and your muse never forgot and to this day they’re sworn enemies.....</3 or less dramatic......they just drifted apart and now it’s like hey we used to be so close aha thats awkward let me just smile at you and walk away ....

LIKE SIBLINGS: someone who sees theo as a sister, and who theo considers her unofficial sibling. most likely she’s gonna bother the shit out of this person as siblings do but they really mean a lot to her because it’s the family she never had /:

CONFIDANTS: the one person theo keeps finding herself talking about the things she usally keeps inside with. i think it’d be funny if both of them find it weird to do things like go out to lunch or shop together because that’s not what they’re used to !

ACQUAINTANCES: friends who are only really friends when both of them are wasted or friends who only comment heart eye emojis and fire sign emojis under each others insta posts but don’t actually talk much for whatever reason

FRIENDS THAT DATED: maybe things just ended amiably between them, or maybe it’s like an “everyone told us we should date so we tried it and boy was that the weirdest thing we ever did” situation. either way the outcome is they’e still friends <3

CAHOOTS: what is this u may ask ? someone theo can be in cahoots with. she has a dumb idea that no one else is likely to say yes to? she goes to ur muse. ur muse has an idea no one in their right mind would say yes to? they go to theo. these two are in cahoots !

BAD INFLUENCE: although that america’s sweetheart reputation is gone, overall theo is still seen as a “good girl” by the public. she’s not one to be in a lot of scandals so i think it’d be really fun if your muse is corrupting that ( whether they’re doing it on purpose or not ) and whenever theo’s with them she just somehow always manages to end up in trouble.

THE BIG EX: theo’s first real relationship, and first real heartbreak. everyone before them had been an infatuation, but your muse was the real deal. maybe the media ruined it, or they ruined it themselves by being too scared of their feelings to stick around, or maybe one of them was willing to try but the other wasn’t. either way it ended badly, and whether those feelings are resolved or not....thats a secret i’ll never tell x

SUMMER FLINGS: give me past & current ( or maybe even recurring ) summer flings where they both know it’s temporary but boy is it fun while it lasts. google their names together and you’ll find paparazzi snapshots on the backs of vespas, on million dollar yachts, holding hands in museums or sunbathing on the beach but by the time fall comes creeping in the romance is over.

HOOKUPS: friends with benefits and it’s not awkward between them, friends with benefits and it’s super weird between them because they may be crossing over into real feeling territory, one night stands / hookups that were huge mistakes, one night stands or hookups that were or are being kept secret from the rest of the roses for whatever reason, someone who leads theo on but never gets serious about her, or someone she leads on but she never gets serious about, her go-to hookup on a night out when she’s partying, etc.

WILL THEY WON’T THEY: a friendship that always teeters on the line of something romantic ! maybe they’re both oblivious to the chemistry / tension or maybe they’re aware of it because they get jealous when they hear about the other being with someone else… maybe they refuse to do anything about it because they don’t want to complicate things or maybe they purposefully cross lines when they feel that jealousy…..could be more angsty or it could be more wholesome depending on which way it goes 😈

ARTIST TO ARTIST: i don’t think .... we have any other singers / ppl in the music industry but i could for sure be wrong JSBDSJBDJWD but ! i still would love to have people theo’s worked with before. maybe if your muses has been acting since they were little, theo could have mingled with them back when she was doing music for kids shows & movies. maybe your muse is a model and theo and them have done shoots together before. maybe theo’s written a current song for a movie / tv show your muse was a part of. maybe your muse is a model and theo asked them to feature on the cover of one of her albums. maybe she hired your muse to act in the music video of one of her songs ! maybe your muse can also sing even though that’s not their main thing and theo’s asked them to feature on a song with her. there are soooo many possibilities that could be lots of fun <33

MISC: “we used to party together all the time until that one thing happen that neither of us talk about and now we don’t do that anymore”, someone who took care of drunk theo once and ever since then she’s taken that as an open invitation to knock on your muse’s door at 3 am completely wasted, “we tried to date but the paparazzi caught us on a date and we were too scared / sick of the public eye so we never got far”, flirty friends who say no i’d never sleep with you haha…unless you’re down?, your muse was theo’s first time OR theo was your muse’s first time, stereotypical happy go lucky and grumpy relationship where the grumpy muse pretends not to enjoy the other’s presence, enemies but it can’t be anything petty it would have to be pretty serious so if u want that drama....

that’s the end i promise it’s finally over 😭😭😭 i truly just ramble & ramble im really so sorry abt that JSDJWBDJWBDJWBDJW i tried to include as much info as possible to make plotting a little easier for all of us so lets pray this works </3 u can come message me on discord to plot @ seulgi ily ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 so give this a like if u wanna .... do that ahahahaha x

#╰ ♡ . 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 ── ooc !#i didnt proof read a thing if u find a typo u can keep her <3 JSBDJWBDJW #this is . ridiculously long for no good reason im so sorry but now u know the real me ...#roses:intro

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rqs902 · 4 years

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on one hand im happy that this means there’s gonna be a lot of official content since the eps are supposedly so long that they gotta cut them in half.

youku has been pretty consistent with giving us a relatively good amount of official content. but on the other hand im always slightly concerned that by splitting up perfs, those whose perfs get aired first will have a competitive voting advantage since (as long as they do well) those kids will have a full extra day of persuading people to vote for them through their stage performance. It’s not as huge of a deal as when other shows split performances across weeks, because a whole week ahead is a much bigger advantage than one day ahead. but every day can help those who need the votes. at least akey and zhan yu got aired today.... feels bad for jin fan because he really needs the votes.

also another down side is just this show’s eps are SO LONG they’re eating up a ton of my free time LOOOL but thats how these shows always go for me... because I always end up taking like double the amount of time to watch an ep, just to pause, digest, rewatch sections that i like (sometimes multiple times), make sure i understand, etc. i feel like these shows always consume my life during the few months they’re airing so i’ll just enjoy it while I can HAH

anyway ep 4 starting with singapore buddies huang junrong and sun yinghao speaking english with their singapore accents!!!!! lol can totally relate to yinghao tho, like when you cant read chinese you gotta find someone to translate for you

yang chaowen with dog!!!!! i wonder if the dog really likes him LOL they seem to appear together on camera often. akey with chen junhao!! and zuo linjie!! making friends!!!

lol i feel like the group leader choice method is some sort of extended advertisement for knock off apple products lol.........

HAHAHHAHAHAH LIN MO’S VIDEO STARTING OFF ALL FORMAL AND NERVOUS AND THEN XUE EN’S CUTS HIM WITH HIM BEING STUPID. I LOVE IT. there’s two types of people. how did they not vote for xue en HAHAHAH

interesting that they picked the songs for the self-composition group ahead of time, rather than make them make the song as part of the competition (looks at produce camp... fireman is my jam but the east binhe road team ran into complications with that, so I can see why it’d be more risky to let them do that again) but lucky for zheng renyu and li chenxu tho! I’m interested in hearing their music so i dont mind, just kinda wondering what the other kids who picked composition would’ve brought to the table

oh theyre still giving yan an screen time... every time i see him im happy but then feel oof

oo zhanyu’s first stage look is just so nice oof xikan talking to lin mo but lin mo looks ded and is all eye patched up :(

LOL su er all jubilant over a sexy concept song - good luck with that

oooof this shot of jin fan’s perfect side angle

aw akey being bested by shaopeng at every match... but im so excited to see what they can do together, theyre both so good at making music!!!! the resident music makers for each of their respective groups, tyger and coreone, theyre both so talented! def shaopeng has and deserves the credit but hopefully people will see akey contributed too bc im sure the two of them really led together, being the most experienced rappers hahaha

WHOA csp opening up to qu boyu and saying he has older step brother and sister who have a different mom from him and encouraging him to just be real when writing because there will be people out there who connect with his lyrics awww hes really taking this child under is wing and teaching him from zero, hes really like a big bro taking care of him and enjoying watching him grow. im glad csp is opening up and is self reflective enough to realize that he hasnt done so enough in the past and that he should involve himself more with the others.

im happy cui shaopeng got to feature in the bts clip for his group, he deserves it and hasnt gotten much screentime relative to his talent before. im happy akey got a little time and some recognition for his skills too. honestly just happy akey FINALLY got to do a rap stage..... wish we couldve gotten more huang enyu and huang junrong but im happy they got to show off their vocals!! for being young vocals in a rap performance, their stage presence were both really good too! csp’s entrance is epic wow.

wow this is the most hyper performance ive ever seeeen wow im so happy for akey because we know how long hes been waiting for a rap stage and wow csp’s leadership must be top notch to get this group to somehow be cohesive with such a not cohesive song LOL i respect that csp really respected akey’s skill and let him shine too. akey was a second c if ive ever seen one lol. they both got to shine and so did everyone else in their group, which is telling of his leadership and why this stage turned out so well that even all the teachers like jackson were so hype LOL

OOF shen bohuai and lin mo talking about how akey’s lyrics are so moving like lin mo wanted to cry and bohuai felt like he could tell akey’s been through a lot

lol xikan and bohuai being all tough and lin mo being like lol i feel the pressure. shaopeng smiling like a proud parent when boyu gets good comments c: oof rip akey and shaopeng’s votes tho :c

lin ran’s look tho LOL but zhan yu’s is so questionable?? why is he in this group ?? LOL but i guess its his turn to do something cutesy. mannnn why does zhan yu look like hes surrounded by children but hes not even that much older//?? hahahha ooooo is this the center zhan yu of legend?? ?hahahah yayyy hopefully more people will notice him! you know when i heard zhan yu was gonna be center, this was not the type of song i was imagining, but hey if it takes a cutesy happy song and a bunch of little kids around to get zhan yu a chance to be center, ill take it! i wish they’d show us some practice footage?? im confused why there isnt any?? i think sun boran’s stage presence is good! zhan yu’s voice so powerful yess somehow he managed to show off different aspects of his vocal skills in this very plain song LOL im surprised lin ran didnt stand out a lot but when they pointed out that he purposefully put himself in the back to protect his team members i think that makes sense bc he knows being cute isn’t going to be able to win them as many votes but if the less popular kids in his group dont get votes, its a lot more devastating for them than for himself. lin ran didnt want this song and he didnt want to be cute but he really didnt want kids to suffer from choosing his group. lin ran has a cute image but i appreciate that this time we got to see a more serious side of him. isnt it ridiculous that theyve literally trashed zuo qibo and lin mo about being old but then literally i didnt realize until now sun yinghao is the oldest??? (he looks really young wow and so tiny aw) but also like they never bring up akey being old either?? some sort of weird bias going on... but i mean good for yinghao and akey lol

but aw im glad theyre giving yinghao some attention... 10 years and starting off with jackson? oof...

ayy zhan yu getting the most votes!!

kou cong being older bro to zlj but also ultimate mentor to cxh aw yay for him getting some recognition from the judges and jin fan supporting him too heheh but it says a lot that he recognizes cxh’s efforts and wanted to put in his own effort to help him

i wonder if them giving zlj less audience votes is an elaborate scheme to get him more pity votes from the general public lol.... well im excited to see the rest of the stages tomorrow!

#rants

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wildfangz · 5 years

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@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want.

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’. i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust.

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway!

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

#tag meme #about #srry if theres any weird grammar or spelling going on half of this was written when i had a monster headache #and was doing everything but laying down!!!!

12 notes · View notes

calcifermovesthecastle · 6 years

Note

Reapers meeting the reincarnation of of their late s/o? Also, your portrayal of Ronald is adorable!!! (Fangirls)❤️❤️

Thank you! Ronald is my favorite reaper. Also, got 2 of these, so it’s all going to be in this one!

Also Disclaimer: I’m writing these as if you had strong, close intimate relationships with them in the past because I doubt you would have remembered something casual

William-

-just kinda passes you by at first

-pauses and looks back a moment, because you’ve been dead for years now

-and he hasn’t aged of course because shinigami dont age

-and all of your memories aren’t in tact but when he passes you you feel a swell of affection that you don’t fully understand

-(Oof this is gonna be so good)

-and he studies you and apologizes for it.

-”Sorry, you just look like someone I used to know.”

-He looks sad and your heart reaches out to him because you can tell he doesn’t wear emotions on his face too much

- “Sorry…what was their name?”

-He sighs because the pain of losing you is still so fresh when it’s talked about but he tells you because you look so familiar

-”y/n y/l/n”

-and you just freeze because you remember him.

- “…Will?”

-he drops whatever he’s holding.

-doesn’t want to believe it at first but you tell him something only he knows

-and he crushes you in a hug and breaks down

-you, of course, don’t remember everything but with his help everything slowly comes back.

-And he’s so ecstatic to have you back and shows his affection in the best ways

-(And I’m going to be a tease and make you ask for them if you want to know ;) )

Grell-

-i’m sure he finds you in a shop or something

-and you look like the you that’s been dead for years and he’s not shy in the slightest so he goes up and asks if your related because he misses you but wants to keep you alive in memory

-and you kinda stop and squint at him because there’s something so familiar about this man who somehow got his hair to be the exact same color as his coat

-(you know it’s fucking true don’t even deny it)

-”…You know, camera’s are getting much better. if you want a picture, you can just ask.”

-”Sorry… you just seem really familiar for some reason. I can’t put my finger on it. What was that person’s name again?”

- “Hm. I think I would remember meeting someone as lovely as yourself. Their name was y/n, y/l/n.”

-And your jaw literally drops.

- “That can’t…that’s my name.”

- and then you blurt out your death date.

-and his jaw drops but you’re too confused as to how you know that you, or apparently someone who looks like you and has the same name died on that specific date.

-And you look down confused because you’re starting to get a headache

-He stares at you shocked and then squeals

- “I knew you didn’t leave me forever!”

-Picks you up spinning around with you

-Your relationship wasn’t a casual one in the last life so he just plops a kiss right on your mouth.

-and spends the rest of the day bringing you up to speed on your memories

Undertaker-

-This man doesn’t leave the shop much

-so you go in because something seems so like home about this undertakers shop and you aren’t sure on what it is so you go investigate

-”Can i interest you in one of my custom made coffins?”

-You hold up a finger in his direction, peering around the room, and then look at him

-his hair is covering his eyes but you think you can see tears tracking down his face.

-”Sorry? What’s wrong?”

-”Nothing. Someone I held very dear to me used to do that all the time. You look like them.”

-”Used to?”

-”They’ve been dead for about twenty years. If you don’t mind me asking, what are you in here for today?”

-”I don’t…I don’t know. It just seemed really familiar. I’m only visiting London, but I swear I’ve seen this place before.”

-He studies you and shrugs, plastering on a wide grin.

-”Who knows, strange things occur around the best and worst of us.”

-And this man as well seems so familiar and you can’t put a finger on it.

- And you don’t want to be confused for the rest of the day so you get ready to go.

-”Sorry, it was nice meeting you. I’m y/f/n”

-He bolts to the door and stops you before you can leave.

-”That was their name. You….Do you have a birthmark that goes over your bellybutton?

- “What?”

- “Do you?”

-”Yes? Why is that relevant?”

-He wraps you in a big hug, and it’s the warmness of his body that brings back memories of him holding you like this before

-He keeps asking you questions like your birthday and others just to verify that it is you.

-Only visiting London, his ass. You’re staying forever this time

Ronald-

-You’re out walking in a park in the evening or something and he passes you, going the same way.

-and he looks so sad because even though he doesn’t wear it on his face, you can see every emotion in his eyes.

- he seems so familiar, but you walk in this park a lot so you brush it off as seeing him on one of your walks before.

-But you feel a strong urge to make him feel better so you catch up with him and ask if he’s okay

-He smiles at you, but it falters because you’re the spitting image of you so he clears his throat

- “Sorry. I used to take walks in this park with… it doesn’t really matter. They’ve been dead for a while now.”

-”Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. You just… you seemed really familiar, I must’ve passed you before. What was their name?”

-”Hm?” He stops and looks at you, his hand’s in the pockets of his suit jacket.

-”That person you used to walk with? What was their name?”

-His heart thumps in his chest and seems to fall because he loved you so much and talking about you still hurts.

-So he just shrugs and you walk in silence for a while, and he notices you’re rubbing your arms and shivering so he, being a gentleman, gives you his jacket, draping it around your shoulders.

-”They used to get cold all the time, so I always wore a jacket, so I could give it to them. I loved seeing them in my jacket.”

-His voice breaks and he clears his throat again.

-You seem to walk forever, the street lights coming on and the sun setting, before you ask again.

-”They were important to you, no? What was their name?”

-”Um… It was y/n y/l/n.”

-You stop in your tracks and he turns to look at you, looking so sad and heartbroken

-”Are you Ronald Knox?”

-He blinks at you, nodding. You press on because you want to get this straight as fast as you can

- “and did you lose them on” you say your death date aloud and he swallows and nods.

-”How did you know?”

- “Because I remember being stabbed on death day/month/year and I remember you and my name…my name is y/n y/l/n and I remember singing you are my sunshine with you and I’m so sorry you had to finish the song alone…”

-You’re both crying now, because there was no one else around to see that besides on of the other reapers and he embraces you tightly

-And he doesn’t let you go for the longest time

Eric-

- Probably out in a pub or something along those lines

-and he sees you and smiles because you look like you so he comes over and starts a conversation

-And he seems familiar and friendly so you give him your attention.

-And he’s good-natured and makes you smile.

-he would have dated around after you died but he still loved you I promise.

-It wouldn’t have been the same with anyone else anyways, because when he loved you, he loved you hard and strong. (Emotionally shut up)

-And he comes right out and says that you remind him of you and states your name, birthday, and all of this other personal stuff, and then he says the day you died.

-And you stop and stare at him with a weird look on your face

-”What is it?”

-”….Two gunshots and a stab wound in the small of the back?”

-He gives you a weird look this time.

-”How did you know that? Nobody else was there…they died in my arms. How did you know that.”

-Now it’s your turn to tell him your name, birthday and all of that other personal stuff and you remember him kissing your right ring finger right before you died

-And he stares at you in shock for a moment before picking you up and kissing you

-leans his forehead against yours and murmurs

-”No one else could ever amount to you. Ever. I’m so glad to have you back.”

-and suddenly everything’s right in thee world again.

Alan-

-He’s reading in a library or at a cafe

-and you see him and he looks so familiar but you can’t place it

-so you go up and ask what he’s reading, pulling out a chair and sitting across from him

-He looks up and smiles at you

-”It’s nothing, really. I held someone close and they died a few years ago. This is their diary, I read it sometimes so I can see their handwriting and remember them.”

-”I’m so sorry. What was their name?”

-He shows you the front of the book, and It’s got your name written on it in your handwriting

-and you blink at it because 1-why would he have that and 2-you have the same one at home.

-so you ask him how he got that because that’s your diary

-and he blinks at you.

-”My name is y/f/n. My birthday is Y/b/d. that’s my handwriting and my diary. How did you get that?

-and then you pause, because yours isnt that full and he’s at the end of the book.

-”wait… you said they died a few years back? how many years ago?”

-”O, erm… they died in [your birth year]”

-he’s staring at you now, looking confused.

-”You know, you look exactly like them, down to the way you hold your mouth and-”

-you cut him off

-”Alan?”

-”How do you-”

-”How did they die?”

-”Oh, um…” He’s really flustered now, because none of this is making sense

-”was it asphyxiation?did somebody slit their throat?”

-”Yes??”

-You stand and rush over to him, hugging him.

-”I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you I love you…I’m sorry I died before you got there. I’m sorry you had to walk in on my body in the bathroom…”

-you’re pouring out apologies and he just pulls back and puts his finger over your mouth

-”You don’t need to apologize. I got you back. I got you back.”

-both your faces are a little wet but you’re both so happy you found each other again.

Sascha-

-He misses you, but he’s still his bubbly self.

-and that’s how you recognize him.

-He’s got the biggest smile on his face and his eyes are alight behind his glasses and you timidly approach him

- “Hi! how are you?” He asks and everything that comes out of his mouth is so genuine

-”You look really familiar. What’s your name?”

-your voice is quiet and he studies you for a moment, saddening a bit inwardly because you’re you

-”You look familiar too. I’m Sascha.

-”…I’m y/n”

-His eyes widen and he stares at you.

-”Y/n y/l/n?”

-Yes, How did you-”

-You’re cut off by a hug.

-”But you died. You died seventeen years ago. You can’t be here.”

-”Hold up, I’m seventeen.”

-You’re so confused for a moment before everything clicks

-And you remember him and he knows you do because you wrap your arms around his middle and he’s so happy.

-”You’re back! You’re back and you found me I’m so happy!”

-you’re too shocked to say anything, because you don’t understand how you could have died and been reborn with the same name, on the same day, looking the same and finding him again

-but you gladly go with him and get your memories back

Rudgar-

-He’s probably sitting on a bench in the park or on the side of the street

-just watching people go by

-and you’re walking to work or somewhere and he sees you and stands up super fast

-you notice it out of the corner of your eye but brush it off because you have to get to wherever you’re going on time

-but he catches up with you and taps you on the shoulder

-you turn and give him a look

-”I’m running late and I don’t have time to chat so-”

-He asks you breathlessly “Are you related to Y/n y/l/n?”

-You look at him in shock and confusion and mild familiarity

-”um….” Even though you want to walk away you don’t because it seems normal to you that he knows your name and you want to understand why

-”How do you-”

-He cuts you off, thinking that your going to ask how he knows that person

-”I…I was going to marry them but they died some years ago.”

-When he says marry, you freeze, because suddenly you remember him slipping a ring on your finger

-”….Rudgar, right?”

-He nods, and your heart pounds.

-”Did….was the death date day/month/year?”

-Now his heart pounds

-”You asked me if I knew my own name. You…” you laugh a bit “You fumbled with words when you asked me to marry you and asked if I could marry myself. I…”

-your head hurts and he’s staring at you like the messiah came back to earth

- “I was shot by a rogue police officer on the corner of Henrietta and Bedford and you were with me. You kissed me on the forehead right before I died.”

-And he stares at you and stares before speaking in a whisper

-”j-just to make sure…What did I whisper in your ear while you were dying?”

-you think long and hard

-”You said ‘you can go, we’ll get married later’”

-And he kisses you full on the mouth and doesn’t break for the longest time

Othello-

-You see him from behind or something and his name pops into your head

-so you go over to him and steal his attention from whatever he’s doing and casually bring it up

-”Your name’s Othello, Right?”

-He does a double take and frowns slightly before smiling at you

-”That’s me! How can I help you-” He’s a sly mf and sneaks your name in there because he totally knows it’s you you. “-y/n”

-And you pause and Look at him confused and he’s very patient with a sneaky grin on his face

-”…you’re smiling at me like you know something I don’t.”

- “Maybe I do. Let’s see if you can figure it out”

-you squint suspiciously before shrugging.

-”Or you could just tell me.”

-He chuckles and gently touches your arm with his hand. “Trust me. You can think this through.”

-You ponder him for a minute

-”I know your name and you know mine, but I can’t remember meeting you in recent years.”

-He grins and nods, urging you forward.

-”Nut I remember you looking exactly the same because for some reason or another, I don’t know why, you told me that you weren’t….really alive? And that you couldn’t age?”

-He nods again, because he isn’t going to tell you, he want’s you to remember for yourself

-”We lived together…. For…two years? But that…that doesnt make sense. I’ve been alive for (age) years and I feel like Ive kown you for longer.”

-He steps in with “How much longer?”

-You think for a moment. “Seven years longer?”

-He grins and chuckles his hands still on your arm and it comes back to you slowly

- “Did I die? Did I die (Age) years ago? I was at a bar with you….someone, some big burly jerk…put too much of something in my drink and I died…. “

- “You did. And you’re back.” He’s all grins and hugs you, continuing to coax your memory out for the rest of the day

-and you’re comfortable enough with him to move back in and continue where you left off

#shinigami #shinigami headcanons #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji headcanons #kuro headcanons #black butler #black butler headcanons #reapers

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years

Text

Girl Back Home (Jimin x You x Jungkook) // Chapter 1

MASTERLIST

Jeon Jungkook looks up to the clear blue sky as he inhaled the fresh air. Its been quite some time since they were given a long break. He immediately chose to go back home the moment his manager released their schedule. Jungkook misses his family, and his beloved hometown. Living in the big city is amazing, but at some point, he just miss the simplicity of his home town. Jimin who will usually come back home with him decide to stay in the city for a few more weeks, asking Jungkook to proceed with going home first. He didnt know what his hyung is up to, nor does he care. He is finally back home, and that is what matters.

Its nice waking up to the delicious smell of his mother's cooking instead of the normal take out he and the boys will usually have. Its good to know that he can laze around all day doing nothing if he choose to do so, instead of being force to comply to a pack schedule where he sometimes couldnt even find the time to pee. Dont get him wrong, he loves what he do. He loves being an idol. He loves the fact that he can share his love for music, singing and dancing with million others. He loves interacting with fans who keeps on cheering him on. But everyone needs a break sometimes. And being back home is exactly the kind of break that Jungkook needed.

Jungkook decided to take a walk by the seaside today. An advantage of living in a town located by the beach. Its peaceful and quite empty as its not yet tourist season and Jungkook planned to use it to his full advantage by enjoying every second of the sea as much as he can. He can rest assured that he wont be mobbed by fans here since most people from his hometown doesnt know who he is and the other half who does just doesnt care. That is a different feeling that he can only have here in his hometown, and never in the city.

As he sat down by the seaside, letting his bare feet touch the waves that is crashing the white sand, a huge furry golden retriever came running towards him, tounge playfully out, yapping happily and without warning, jumped on him, making him fall back onto the sand. Jungkook laughs as the dog keeps on licking his face and nuzzled his neck as he keeps on rubbing the dog's thick fur.

"Cusco! Dont do that! That is not someone we know!" A voice filled with panic makes Jungkook turn around to see a girl running towards them. The dog immediately jumped off Jungkook and ran towards the girl's direction, nuzzling her legs.

"I am so sorry. He is always too friendly for his own good. Are you okay? I hope he didnt hurt you," she rambled on, eyeing Jungkook up and down, trying to see any evidence of him hurting. Jungkook laughs and shakes his head.

"No. I'm perfectly fine. I dont mind really. Your dog is very cute. I wish I can have one just like him," he smile. The girl seems to relax a little at his friendly greeting.

"Oh... thank you. But I'm still really sorry," she fiddled with her hands, not knowing what to do. "Why didnt you?" Jungkook looks at her, confused. "Have one? A dog I mean,"

"Oh," Jungkook nodded his head, finally understanding her question. "I dont live here anymore. Urm I mean, my family still does and I came back from time to time but I work in the city so I dont really have the space or time for a dog," he explained. The girl nodded.

"Oh. No wonder I havent seen you around before. I walked Cusco by this beach everyday and I know mostly everyone from this area. I thought Cusco just mauled a tourist! That would have been bad!" she laughs. Jungkook smile as he looks at her. This is the kind of girls that he always prefer. The easy going, happy go lucky girls. Not like the ones he met in the city or the other girls in the industry who is always uptight and care too much about the image they hold. Its boring and superficial and Jungkook is sick of it. He wants to meet someone real. Someone who can hold a decent and fun conversation. Someone he can be friends with.

"You walked him on this beach everyday?"

"Its a her actually," she smile and motioned towards her dog who is now happily chasing the waves. "And yes,"

"Ah. No wonder she's attracted to me then. All female does," Jungkook winked and instead of blushing like Jungkook assumed the girl would do, because come on, who wouldnt swoon when Jeon Jungkook winked at them?, she gives a loud laugh.

"You are funny," she smile after her laughter died down. "Oh well, I should go. Sorry to disturb your peaceful day," she bowed and motioned for Cusco to follow her as she starts to walk away. Jungkook immediately hate the idea of letting such a refreshing girl go. After all, she is the first interaction he had outside of his family since he came back a few days ago. Jungkook is usually akward around girls, but there's just something about this girl and her dog that heavily attracts Jungkook to her, making all akwardness disappeared. After all, there is nothing wrong with making new friends, right?

"Wait!" Jungkook called out making her turned around. "Urm, since I dont really have anyone else to hung out with anyway and I live just near this beach, why dont I walk Cusco with you every day?" he suggested, hoping the girl wont find him weird. "I swear I'm not a serial killer or anything. You can even come over to my house and meet my mom. She will tell you that I am a good son, and definitely not a serial killer or a mass murderer," he quickly added when he saw the girl is looking weirdly at him. At his strange and bold explanation, the girl laughs.

"Okay. I would love too. And no, I never thought you are a serial killer. I think Cusco would know if you are one," she giggled. Jungkook smile at her, showing his bunny teeth.

"Great. Now we are officially friends, thanks to Cusco," he looked down at the dog and ruffled its head making her bark happily. "I love her. She is such a happy dog,"

"Well, I made sure she has nothing not to be happy about. Life is full of ups and downs but we shouldnt live in sadness right?" she rubbed Cusco's head lovingly, making Jungkook nod and ponders on her words.

"I'm Jeon Jungkook by the way," Jungkook held out his hand as a greeting, looking to see if there is any sign of recognition of who he is in her face.

"I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you Jeon Jungkook," she nodded and smile, not showing any sign of knowing who he is. Without realizing, Jungkook let out a deep breath that he didnt even know he held, anxious to know if she knows him and if she is only being friendly to him because of who he is. Cusco starts to bark around happily, pushing his head on Jungkook's arms, asking for some affection. As Jungkook reached out to rub the dog's head, he knows that this break is going to be the best one yet, he can already tell.

"Well Y/N, would you like to come over to my house and meet my mom? I mean not to ask her if I'm a serial killer, but maybe for tea and dinner? She is a pretty good cook," Y/N laughs again.

"Well, if you insist, then I would love to,"

The rest of the week passed by quickly as Jungkook is having so much fun with Y/N. They always start their day with breakfast that Jungkook's mother had insisted on making, forcing Y/N to come over and eat every morning before they can move on to walk Cusco by the beach. They will run along the beach, barefooted, playing with the water and splashing each other while Cusco will run and bark happily by their side. After lunch time, Y/N will usually sent Cusco back home and take Jungkook out to the places that even he didnt know existed in his hometown.

"That's because you didnt come back often enough!" Y/N said one day when Jungkook claimed he never knew his hometown has so many interesting and beautiful places as they were sitting on a huge rock on a hill by the sea, facing the sunset. They swing their legs happily over the cliff as they enjoy the beautiful sun which is slowly fading, giving way to the dark night sky. Jungkook turned to look at Y/N as she said that and he took in her face.

To most people, she probably just looks like an ordinary girl. Brown eyes and long dark hair with a petite frame. But to Jungkook who had spent almost every day with her for almost a month, Y/N is nothing but ordinary. She is everything but.

"Maybe now I will have a good enough reason to come back home more often," Jungkook whispered so softly, he is sure Y/N didnt hear him as she just turns and smile at him, throwing pebbles into the sea as the wind blows her free hair all over her face.

Jungkook smile and know that this is the best view he could have ever asked for, and its all because of this girl he met back at home.

/////

Jungkook knows everything is just too good to be true when his mother woke him up one day, notifying him that his managers are waiting for him downstairs. With sleepy eyes he walked down the stairs to see two of his managers sitting at the dining table, looking stern.

"Good morning Jungkook. I believe you are having a nice break?" Jungkook rubbed his eyes and stare at the two. Did they come here just to ask about how he's enjoying his day?

"Ye..yeah. You can say that," he answered, short and simple, wishing they will just go straight to the point.

"Oh, we know," one of the manager replied and look at the other. "Do you know what news is currently circulating in Seoul right now Jungkook?"

"No. Not really. I dont really keep myself updated with tabloids when I'm on a break. I tend to keep away from them, you know that," he shakes his head.

"Well, let me enlighten you then," the manager took out a pile of newspaper and tabloid magazines that is folded neatly on his lap.

"BTS' Jungkook secret girlfriend," he placed the paper on the table.

"Jeon Jungkook's hometown sweetheart," he placed another one.

"Jungkook is back home to see his girl!" he threw another one to the pile.

"Sweetest couple alert: Jeon Jungkook is in love with a girl back home?" he stacked another.

"Is Jungkook married to his hometown sweetheart?" Jungkook's eyes widen at that.

"Yeah. The headlines gets more creative from here," the manager said as he placed the rest of the pile on the table, not bothering to read them anymore. "I think you get the idea of what they are saying right?" Jungkook nodded.

"Hyung, I-"

"Save it Jeon Jungkook. You should know better! You know you should always be aware even when you are on a break! All eyes are always on you and your hyungs. You know that!" Jungkook lowered his gaze. He admits its his fault, but how can he not spend time with Y/N?

"What am I supposed to do now?" he ask in a small voice, understanding how much trouble he is in. Jungkook seldom creates a problem, but when he does, he sure gives his manager something to think about. The manager sighed.

"Alright. We have discussed this with the other management team. The way we see it, you only have two choices. Either you stop seeing her altogether and release an official statement to the media that she is just some fan who is obsessed with you and you are just entertaining her," Jungkook eyes widen and shakes his head. There is no way he could do that to Y/N. She dont even know who he is. He is not going to taint her name as a crazy fangirl just to save his own ass. "Or... you can ask her..."

"Pretend to be my girlfriend," Jungkook is currently standing in front of Y/N's house, nervously telling her what happened and what his manager had suggested. Now Y/N is crossing her arms across her chest, feet tapping and is looking at him as if he's grown two heads. "Please?" Jungkook pleaded.

"Wait. Let me get this straight. You are actually an internationally well known popular idol and now some papparazi has taken our photos together and is telling everyone that I am your girlfriend and the only choice you have to save your career is either to stop seeing me altogether and say that I'm a crazy fangirl or I have to pretend to be your girlfriend?" Y/N summarized everything in one breath, leaving Jungkook with mouth slightly opened.

"Wow. That's just... wow. But yeah. That's basically it,"

"Okay you are crazy," Y/N raised her hands. "I knew you couldnt just be some normal stranger lounging on the beach," she sighed. "I knew it..."

"Dont say that," Jungkook lowered his gaze, hurt by Y/N's words. "Being an idol is just my job. I'm still just the Jungkook that you know," Jungkook's voice is laced with sadness.

"Yeah, a job that dictates your life. And apparently mine," she huffed. She stayed silent for a while, contemplating her choices. "So I think you can just go ahead with plan A. Tell everyone I'm just a crazy fan and stop seeing me, okay? Okay goodbye Jeon Jungkook, nice knowing you!" Y/N quickly stepped back into her house and tries to close the door as fast as she could but is stopped by Jungkook.

"No! I wont do that," Jungkook gritted his teeth. "How could you even suggest that? That is not even an option! Doesnt the last month we spent together meant anything to you?" Y/N sighed at Jungkook's sad face. It was never her intention to hurt Jungkook's feelings. He is a great guy but she really dont want to be involved in this. She just wants to go back to her quiet life. Living day in and day out with her dog, drama free, patiently waiting for his return. Y/N immediately pushed all thoughts of him aside and focused back to Jungkook.

"Of course it does Jungkook. Our friendship meant a lot to me.But you dont understand, its hard for me to pretend to be your girlfriend," she lowered her gaze, trying to think of the best way to inform Jungkook of her situation. "I really cant pretend to be your girlfriend, because I'm... I'm ma-"

"Please?" Jungkook cutted her off. "I promise you wont feel anything different than when you were hanging out with me. And its only for a few months. And you get to go to Seoul, for free!" Jungkook tried to plead his case. To be honest, he really wants Y/N to say yes. He really wants her to come to Seoul with him. Being a part of his life there, and not just stayed as the girl he knew back home. It also doesnt help the fact that having Y/N to be his pretend girlfriend excites him a little. Y/N ponders on her options for a while. Jungkook has been a great friend to her, maybe she could help him just this one time.

"You promise it wont be long?"

"No. I promise. Only a few months and we will annouce the break up. I will even let you be the one who breaks up with me and you can tell everyone how much of an asshole boyfriend I am," he grins. Y/N smile back at his teasing.

"Deal,"

/////

"So I heard you went back home and get yourself a little girlfriend?" Taehyung's voice filled the room. Jungkook is currently on speaker wirh the rest of his hyungs, who is all already back in the dorms. Jungkook chuckled as he toss his clothes inside his luggage. Packing is always a hassle, but he cant wait to go back this time.

"Way to go maknae!" Hoseok chimmed in.

"Is she pretty? We didnt read the news yet," Jimin questioned.

"It doesnt matter. We are not dating for real!" Jungkook remind his excited hyungs. "But yeah, she's very pretty. Beautiful in fact. Smart and funny too,"

"Ohhh, sounds like you want to date her for real!" Jin's voice filled the room, together with teasing laughter from the others.

"Shut up hyung!"

"Ohhh, are you blushing?" Taehyung continue to tease.

"I think he does like her for real!" Hoseok squealed. "Did a girl from back home finally managed to make the impenetrable golden maknae fell in love?"

"Okay shut up guys," Jungkook has never felt so grateful for Namjoon's interruption. "When are you coming back Jungkook?"

"Tomorrow. We are taking the evening flight,"

"You are flying together with her right?"

"Yup. We are going to let people see us together at the airport, acting all cute and couply, bound for Seoul and we will announce our relationship officially next week,"

"Okay. Stick to the plan and dont do anything else stupid maknae," Namjoon warned.

"And dont make out in public either!" Taehyung's teasing voice filled the speaker and Jungkook heard a smack and an 'ow hyung' before the line was cut off. He is pretty sure that is the sound of Yoongi smacking Taehyung right across his head. Jungkook shakes his head and laughs. His hyungs are weird and annoying but he misses them. He cant wait to see them tomorrow and of course, to introduce Y/N to them.

He just cant wait.

/////

"Are you nervous? Excited? Scared?" Jungkook asked Y/N as their flight landed at the airport.

"A little bit of everything," she admitted. Her first time in Seoul and she has to be the girlfriend to someone well known. What has her life become? "Why do you seem so excited?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Dont worry. I'll be there with you at every step of the way," Jungkook smile an held her hands. "And I am excited. I'm coming back with my girlfriend, why shouldnt I be?" he winked making Y/N rolled her eyes. "Here, wear this," Jungkook shoved Y/N a pair of sunglasses and a black face mask, which Y/N donned quickly. Jungkook pulled his on and grabbed her hands.

"Ready?" she just nodded. "Lets go,"

The airport was filled to the brim with screaming fans. As hard as they try to keep their schedule a secret, fans will always somehow found out their whereabout. With the help of security, they managed to safely entered the black van that will take them back to the dorm.

"Wow, I really didnt know you were this popular," Y/N peeked through the van's curtain to see the fan girls still screaming, cameras clicking, some are even crying.

"You really live under the rocks Y/N. How can you not heard of us?" Y/N rolled her eyes again and ignore Jungkook's self proclaimed popularity, although she now understands why Jungkook is so cocky sometimes.

"I think I got about 20 death threats in that 20 second walk towards the car alone," she chuckled.

"Dont worry, I'm your boyfriend. I will protect you my love," Jungkook held her hands and placed it in his lap, turning to look and smile at her.

And for the first fime since they met, Y/N blushed.

/////

"Hey hyung, we are here!" Jungkook screamed out once he opened the dorm's door, one hand still tightly holding Y/N's nervous hand.

"Are you sure they will be okay with me?" Y/N eyes flickered around the dorm, anxiously looking to see if the boys are here, feeling extremely nervous. "What if they think I tricked you into this?"

"Dont worry Y/N. They will love you. And they wont think that. They know for a fact that I screwed up and you are helping me. They couldnt be more grateful for that," Jungkook smile at her, trying to ease her nervousness. Their conversation was cut off with the the sounds of footsteps approaching their way.

"Hey Kookie. Welcome home-" Jimin is the first one to come out from his room and stops immediately when he saw Jungkook standing in front of Y/N, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Hey hyung! This is my girlfriend, Y-"

"Y/N," Jimin finshed the sentence, eyes looking past Jungkook's smiling face and looking straight into the face he will recognize anywhere, at Y/N who is looking back at him with wide surprised eyes.

"Ji...Jimin,"

A/N: The first chapter of a new series. Comments ARE WELCOMED!

#bts #bts jungkook #bts fanfic #bts scenario #bts fiction #bangtan #bangtan boys #bangtan seonyeondan #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook scenario #bts jimin #park jimin #jimin scenario #kpop #kpop scenario

104 notes · View notes

raakxhyr · 6 years

Text

Of Demons and Doves||Demon!Ryan||Ch. 2

Previous Chapter

Read it on AO3 or continue reading below

More demon!Ryan stuff (x)

finally got this shit updated! woo!

---

“Don’t fight it, Ryan. Let it overcome you. Embrace it. Being a demon isn’t always a curse, and you, kid, are most certainly a blessing.”

Ryan shot up with a gasp. He looked around to identify where he was, rubbing his eyes, slightly hunched over. The sun was barely shining through the windows, and he looked around his room, allowing his heart to slow down. Micki and Dori had their heads lifted, greeting him with nuzzles and kisses.

His dreams had been erratic lately, and he was losing sleep from time to time. He’s just thankful he hasn’t woken up on the streets.

The one that had just shaken him awake just now, he recalled only in fragments, and he stared off, trying to piece together what he can in hopes he could recover his memory. There was a man standing across from him, face unable to be recalled, large stature, and claws. But, he called him son. He called him his boy, like it was his father speaking to him. Unless this was some nightmarish version of his dad, he wanted to forget about it. But the pure presence of this man kept recurring in the world of his unconscious mind, and he seemed almost familiar, like Ryan had met him before, a long time ago.

Ryan decided he would rather put the thoughts aside, and grabbed his laptop from the bedside table. He opened up a Word document he had created since his weird “shifting” occurrence, and scrolled to where he had left off. For the past few weeks, he’d been keeping records of his dreams and any weird events during the times he was awake. Sometimes, dreams began to blend in with reality, and he couldn’t be sure of what he was seeing exactly, but he trusted his memory enough to put all the detail down to the best of his ability.

Last night’s dream was mellow compared to the others. No killing, no death, no haunting. It’s weird to say that I feel almost too accustomed to it, now. Of course, these are just dreams, and not very threatening to me, but the images are still very real in my mind.

This time I was walking in the middle of a forest. I think there was a highway nearby, because a few cars had passed. It was really dark outside, and I walked up to this man (same guy as all my others?) And he talked to me (something about embracing something like powers I guess) and called me son, again.

Still don't know what he looks like, but very tall, probably works out a lot, good legs.

End of notes.

He read it over again and made sure he wasn’t leaving anything out. Drumming his fingers over the keys, he recalled the sequence of the dream before going back in to rearrange and add more details.

I heard the cars before I knew I was in a forest. The conversation with this Leg Man was actually kind of long (like his legs. Longer than Shane. Take that, Shane, you freak). He was telling me to be wary of a red spirit named… the name has slipped my memory, but that’s all. He said this was like another demon or something that wanted to get to me but I can just like...fight it with my demon powers right

I mean if the demon powers are a real thing

Like I know that I have these weird shifting things happening but like I dont have weird spooky powers that I know about or maybe I need to perform a ritual on myself? But I don't mess with that kind of shit because like what if I have to fight another demon and I don't know what I’m doing I mean is my fist really going to hurt them because they’re a demon and I’m not

Or maybe I am a demon I don't know I’m still conflicted and I’m like really confused I wonder if anyone knows about this that I can talk to

But anyway avoid this red spirit or whatever that’s all (what does it even look like, like is it the shape of a human or a cloud? But a red cloud isn’t really that scary. Actually it might be scary, I don’t know. Wouldn’t you be scared of a red cloud? Like that’s some end of the world stuff)

Ryan sighed and put the laptop away, leaning back against the frame of the bed then looked down at his dogs, who had been more than generously comforting. He still wasn’t sure what was happening to him during those times, just that he would look really hairy, and blue. He was digging the blue hair, though. He could probably pretend he had dyed his hair, but that would break the “pristine tipped bro bond”.

He rolled his eyes and hopped out of bed, hyped to start filming for the new Unsolved Supernatural season. They were already a few episodes in, the last filming location having been at the Eastern State Penitentiary. They’d be leaving in a few weeks to Texas to film the next location, the Goatman’s bridge. Until then, it was spending time at the office to work on other projects while their show was on a hiatus.

Ryan was asked to be part of the film and sound crew for others and he thought it would be a good way to bide his time aside from editing and staying home with his dogs and meeting his family at Disneyland (though, he wouldn't mind going every day. Sadly, he was not getting paid for that).

He made his way to the bathroom and began to clean up, the cool water on his face allowing him to feel fresh, along with the minty taste in his mouth. He began shifting halfway through brushing his teeth, and thankfully he wasn’t in agonizing pain this time. There was simply a quiet throb in the back of his head and along his body. Ryan scowled, but he couldn't stop it. He was able to somewhat control how much he transformed if he tried hard enough. He wasn’t sure what it was, but a few meditation and inner self videos seemed to lead him in the right direction. Whatever it was inside of him that he could focus on, he could ease the speed and pain of the moment.

He looked at himself in the mirror and laughed quietly at the toothbrush that now scrubbed a large fang, spitting out what he could and gargled some water. He wasn’t exactly sure how to wash down the fang, but he assumed pouring water on it then wiping it down would work.

He yelped when the water simply splashed on his shirt and over the counter, staring in disappointment as the fangs had disappeared in another shift, and now he looked like an idiot pouring water on himself.

Groaning, Ryan wiped off the counter and walked back to his room to change for the day, tossing his wet shirt in the laundry basket. After cleaning up, he checked himself in the mirror. He had on a plain blue, short sleeve button down, which he adjusted at the collar until his neck was comfortable, and some black jeans. He made sure his hair was properly gelled and did finger guns at the mirror, making a few faces as he posed and checked his hair at different angles.

“Alright, Detective Bergara, it’s time for work. First case: Steven Lim.” He laughed and headed down for a quick breakfast, met his brother at the door, and ran out to his car.

While he sat between all the cars on the road, he began to wonder if he should speak to any local priests, maybe even some exorcists. It was something he’d been thinking about for a long time, but he wasn’t even sure if he could really pinpoint it as demonic possession. He wasn’t getting hurt, except for that pain when he transformed, he wasn’t exactly getting bruised or beaten or bleeding out randomly, and he wasn’t hallucinating (he hoped).

He did think he was hearing voices, though. Maybe he was just caught up from the entire Penitentiary adventure, but he was sure he could hear someone whispering to him when he was alone.

He tried looking up on the internet what to do in the case of demonic possession, just in case it really was his problem. Most of the steps were asking intrapersonal questions, seeking out priests, really reflecting on himself.

Other things he tried to look up like “I suddenly have fangs” or “what to do if suddenly shapeshifting” but the only answers he got were stupid riddles and dumb Quora quizzes.

Most of the time he tried to look through all the supernatural cases he had covered over the so far two and a half seasons of Unsolved. Nothing there was useful to him, since he couldn’t quite connect to any of it. The only answer he had for himself was that something happened where a spirit became attached to him.

It couldn’t have just been coincidence, even with his tendency to try and hold back. Then again, Shane didn’t have any problems.

Ryan’s eyes widened for a little, and an idea popped into his head. Maybe he could ask Shane if he’s been feeling weird at all.

He groaned, sighed, then shook his head. There was no way Shane would admit to any kind of ghost attachment or demonic possession. He’d probably just reason that he was maybe getting sick or overworked. So much for that idea.

He could ask the camera crew, and maybe some others around the office who believed in this kind of stuff, but he also didn’t want to reveal too much of what’s been going on to him to a lot of people.

Ryan shut his eyes briefly in frustration, and decided he would keep to himself for now. There was absolutely no easy way he could explain himself or what he was feeling without sounding like an idiot. Maybe he would just try to live out what was happening and talk to a priest later. While his weird “demon persona” appearance became a natural routine, starting with a gentle burn in his chest to a buzz in his ears, he couldn’t deny that he was still scared by it all, and could only be hoping that he was dreaming. It was only the natural human response, he thought to himself. He’d never seen or experienced anything like this, even in the cases he read over. And every article about demonic possession just seemed overexag-

BEEP! HONK!

Ryan’s eyes shot to his rearview mirror then quickly to the large empty space between him and the streetlight, and he bashfully drove on, his thoughts swept aside. He blew out a quiet stream of air and tried to clear his mind in order to ready for work.

As soon as he got to the office, he was already on his feet, working a camera in a kitchen, and following Steven around LA while he filmed a “Worth It” episode, not necessarily for “Lifestyle” or the main food crew. It was just one of those “on the side” videos. The filming had taken most of the day for one and a half parts of the episode, and he was already prepping for the following days of helping to film.

When they were finishing up for the evening at the office, Andrew had come by to speak with Steven, and Ryan tried to pay little mind to it while he packed up the camera equipment and made sure everything was clean and undamaged. It was when he looked up and saw Steven plant a quick kiss on Andrew’s cheek that he shot his eyes back down and stuffed the bags away into the storage room.

“Uh, Steven,” Ryan said, his hands in the pockets of his jeans after Andrew had left.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Steven turned around with a bright smile on his face, seeming to bounce on his heels.

“You, uh, I didn’t know you and Andrew were together.”

“Oh, um, yeah, we’ve kind of been keeping it on the down-low. It’s been about a month, now.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “A month? How did I not notice?” He smiled and patted Stevens shoulder. “I’m really happy to hear you two are together.”

“What about you? Finally ask Shane for a kiss?”

“What?” Ryan choked and stared at Steven in shock, voice breaking. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on, Ryan. It’s obvious you like the guy.”

“I- do not!” At this point, Ryan’s cheeks had began to tint a light pink, and a falter in his voice had him double thinking his answer. “I...I don’t...think I do.” His voice became quiet, and he began thinking about every shared moment between him and Shane, but ignored the flutter of his heart, and looked back up at Steven. “There’s no way.”

“Please, Ryan, look at you. You totally do.”

“You’re just planting thoughts in my head!”

“Am not, you totally like him! It’s not crazy.”

“It’s one hundred percent crazy.”

“Like your belief in ghosts.”

“No!”

“Yes!” Steven began to laugh. “I need to set up a Worth It date for you two.”

“That is not happening.”

“It will one day. You just watch. I’ll get that video approved.

Ryan bit his tongue and walked out of the office with Steven. “So, how did you know?”

“How did I know what?”

“How did you know that you liked Andrew?”

Steven smiled and unlocked his car to drop his bags inside. “I don’t know, really. I mean, maybe it was after a couple drinks we shared during our last trip. Maybe it was the time we spent getting to know each other while we filmed the show.” He sighed and leaned against his car, staring at the fading colors of the sky while the sun clung to the horizon’s edge. “I just felt it in my heart. The way I would feel when I was with him, talking to him, looking at him, listening to him. Everything about Andrew made me smile. Even when we got to arguing over foods and when he would irritate me and I’d irritate him back.” He shrugged and looked at Ryan. “You just feel it.”

“Just feel it, huh…” Ryan’s hands grew clammy at his sides, his heart racing at Steven’s words, except instead of Andrew, it was Shane he would replace the thoughts with, and he almost hopped on his feet. “I guess I know what you mean. But, I don’t know if I really feel this way, yet. I mean sure, I’ve spent almost two years working close with him on Unsolved, and longer from when I first came here…” He paused, and pursed his lips. “I’m also a horrible flirt, so I wouldn’t know if I was really making good moves or not.”

“Just be yourself, Ryan. I’m sure Shane loves that about you. You’re a good guy. I’ve never seen him smile and laugh more around someone, or try to be as picky and nice at the same time. I think I’ve been around both of you long enough to pick it apart.” Steven gave Ryan a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. “You’ll know.”

“Thanks. I guess I’ll just think about it for now.”

Ryan bid his farewell to Steven, and headed to his own car, enjoying the quiet night on the road. When he got home, he thanked his brother for watching the dogs, waved goodbye as he left, and went to shower then crash on his bed.

“Do I like Shane?” Ryan asked as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, and his heart jumped at the words. “I don’t like Shane,” he said, trying to deny the thought, but his voice faltered and betrayed him. “I like Shane,” he whispered, and he felt a warmth form in his chest. “I like Shane,” he said again, stronger this time, and a smile covered his face. “Oh, man.”

Ryan groaned, turning over in his bed, his hand slipping beneath the pillow as he pressed his face into it, staring at the soft cotton cover. “This is crazy…”

For the rest of the night, he began to question his real feelings for his best friend, and eventually slipped into a disturbed sleep.

The next morning, he woke up to the sound of his dogs growling and whimpering at his door. He sat up and saw Micki and Dori with their ears flat against their head, tails between their legs, standing in the doorway and staring at him with teeth bared. He looked down at himself and saw his clawed hands, suddenly stiffening from the sight as it took him by surprise, and pressed his tongue up against the two fangs that held his mouth open.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, voice still raspy from just waking up. When he threw his legs to the side of the bed and went to stand up, his dogs began to approach him with barks.

Ryan stared down at them and held his hands up. “Stop, sit, and be quiet,” he ordered, to which he watched Micki and Dori follow his commands immediately. With surprise, he cautiously began to walk around his bed and around the dogs on the floor, who sat watching him, as if waiting for him to continue commanding them. “Um, lay down and roll over?”

And just like that, they did lie down and roll over. Ryan stared in awe, and shut his eyes as he felt his skin tighten again when he shifted back to his completely human form. His dogs got up and began to jump up to him, wanting to be held. He knelt down and pondered in quiet thought at what just happened while he went to pick one up, but stopped himself.

Ryan sat there, kneeling down, and placed his hands on his thighs, flat. “Stand, Micki. Dori, lay down.” His dogs just stared at him and bounced up to his lap. He sighed, and tried to focus in on himself again, wondering if it had to do with the weird shifting abilities.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, searching inside of himself for….something. Something that felt like it could burn his chest inside out, and the fire began to spread throughout his body. When he opened his eyes, it didn’t seem like he had transformed at all, but the burning in his chest was still there. Feeling a little defeated, he stood up. “Okay, you guys. I don’t know what I was thinking. Just sit there and be good.”

When Ryan left to go to the bathroom, he realized that his dogs, who’d usually tag along beside him on the way there, hadn’t come at all. He looked around his feet and the hallway then went back to his room where the dogs sat, staring at him patiently. He stood in his doorway in stupor. “Come, follow,” he said, and the dogs immediately got up, in sync, and stood at his feet.

He walked towards his bathroom and they stepped at the same time. When he walked backwards, they still followed. As he went towards the sink, they followed, then began to jump around at his feet again, and the burning in his chest was gone.

“Woah,” he whispered quietly, and decided he would try to hone in on this “new ability” of his, and would try to test it on other animals. Maybe Zach would let him meet Bowie.

For now, he needed to hurry up and get ready before he was late to work.

Same morning routine, same drive to work, same flood of thoughts. Except now he was panicking over what he would do if he ran into Shane. Would he ask him about what Steven said? Would this affect their relationship? He wasn’t sure how to act, wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Everything should be normal between them, but with these new feelings, what really could be normal to him, anymore?

Ryan was lost in his thoughts as he wandered to his desk, attention focusing now on the box that sat there. Shane stood there, smiling, and Ryan felt his heart melt for a good few seconds.

“Hey, Ryan.”

“Huh-hi-hey, Shane, what’s this? New gift?”

“Yeah, more fan-stuff I think.”

“Sweet. I wonder what’s inside.” Ryan grabbed some scissors and his phone, and began to take pictures as he opened the box. The contents within were a few letters and some artwork, along with several bags of popcorn.

They thanked the person who had sent the gifts and Ryan signed onto his computer to make sure he clocked in for work.

A quiet snicker drew Ryan’s attention and he looked to the side to see Shane recording him on his phone and decided to reach out and stop the recording, mostly out of jokes. Shane waved his arm around and they got into a little bit of a fight as the timer ran down, and they ended up laughing together.

“So, heard you had another busy day ahead of you.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yesterday was a long day of recording, and we’ve just gotten halfway through. We’re going somewhere downtown today. What about you?”

“Just writing up some new Ruining History episodes today.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember you mentioning you were bringing it back. I’m sure everyone’s going to love it.”

“They better.” Shane smiled and slipped on his headphones as Ryan got up to grab the camera equipment. “Oh, Ryan.”

“Huh?”

“You should bring some extra water today. Heard it was going to be extra warm this afternoon.”

“Thanks. I’ll be sure to check that in with Steven.”

Shane gave him an endearing smile and Ryan for a moment felt like he wanted to kiss his forehead before he left. He stood frozen for a good moment, like he was going to speak again, but Shane had already turned towards his computer screen.

He bit his tongue, shook his head, and left to meet Steven.

On his way, he ran into Zach, and remembered he wanted to test something out. He adjusted the back on his shoulder and tapped him on the back.

“Hey, hey, Zach.”

“Ryan! Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you free this weekend at all?”

“This weekend? Yeah, I’m not really doing anything. Why?”

“I wanted to know if I could come over and meet Bowie?”

“Oh! Sure! I’m sure he’d love to meet you. What about your pups? They wanna come along?”

“Um, sure? I guess, yeah. That’s fine.”

“Cool! Just text me what time you wanna come by and I’ll make sure the place is at least presentable.”

“Thanks.”

Ryan smiled as he left and marked the upcoming Saturday on his phone’s calendar before meeting Steven in one of the studio rooms.

“Hey, look who finally made it!”

“Sorry, we got a new fan-package and went to record it.”

“Yeah, I saw you got into a bit of a tousle, too, huh?” Steven elbowed him gently and Ryan rolled his eyes.

“It was just because he was dicking around.”

“Okay, okay, I believe you.”

“And he said to bring more water since it was going to be extra warm today.”

“Ohhh!” Steven snapped his fingers. “That’s what I forgot. Thanks for reminding me.”

As the day continued on, another busy round of filming had Ryan and the rest of the crew sweaty and tired. They wrapped up a little earlier this evening, and Ryan was more than happy to be back at the air-conditioned office. Andrew came by again, this time pulling Steven aside to talk in private, and Ryan went to pack away the cameras alone.

“Hey, welcome back, Ryan,” a familiar voice welcomed him, and Ryan swiveled his head to see Shane approaching him.

“Oh, Shane, hey.” He smiled and shut the storage room door. “How was your writing?”

“Super productive, and I already have an idea for the next episode I want to make after it.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, got it while doing research for this episode. I’m thinking...pirates, eh?”

Ryan laughed and walked with Shane to the kitchen so he could grab another swig of water before he could get home and drink from the comfort of his living room. He looked out the window on the other side of the near empty office, and caught the sun just above the horizon, then turned back to Shane.

“Pirates sounds super fun. You have anyone in mind?”

“Not yet, but I know I want someone super wild.”

“I mean, you are ruining history, so let’s spoil some more.”

“Oh, you make it sound bad. Don’t tell me you don’t get a few fun quips at me.”

“Okay, okay, maybe I do enjoy it because I can pick on you.” Ryan looked over his shoulder to see Steven and Andrew holding hands as they walked out together, and Shane followed his gaze. “Man, I didn’t know for so long. Did you?”

“Hm? Yeah. I noticed early on.”

“You did?! I didn’t even notice! Steven just told me yesterday after I saw Andrew kiss him.”

“Talk about oblivious.”

“No, I just- I’m busy and I don’t pay attention to these things!”

“Okay, sure Ryan, like your love-dar isn’t broken.”

“Did you just say love-dar?”

“Yeah. Why, bad name? Love-ner? Like love scanner? Or… loooove…hm…”

“No, no, I don’t need a love-whatever. I am quite fine just knowing my own interests and others when they feel comfortable enough to spread the news.”

“You like someone?”

“Ech, I mean, I don’t know, yet. Why, do you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You do?”

“I just said I did, didn’t I?” Shane raised an eyebrow at him, then laughed and elbowed his shoulder. “Why, you jealous?”

“What? Jealous? Of someone I don’t know? Sure, okay, me, jealous of someone that likes you, Shane. As if.”

Ryan’s cheeks began to burn as Shane laughed. They walked outside of the building together, and Shane pat Ryan’s shoulder.

“I’m teasing you, bud,” Shane said, smiling. “Just wanted to see how you would react. I don’t know if I quite like someone, yet, either. Just waiting to see what’ll happen.”

“Yeah…right, yeah. Of course you are-were-are.” Ryan cleared his throat, and caught the sound of something rustling from the bushes just beside the gate of the parking lot. “You hear that?”

“Uh...yeah, coming from there, right?” Shane looked in the direction of the movement, and Ryan held his breath for a moment before they both walked towards the noise.

A cat jumped out at them, and Ryan yelped, ordering a strong, “stop!” towards the cat, which landed just in front of them and stared up at him, pupils slitted and calm as it swished its tail around.

“Woah,” Shane breathed out, and looked between Ryan and the cat. “You know this cat?”

“No idea,” Ryan replied quietly, staring back down at it, and he thought his chest could catch fire any moment.

Suddenly, the cat hissed, and he felt his head go dizzy as everything seemed to tint, and he caught sight of something red flash across the cat’s face and it ran. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, everything back to normal, and Shane stood there staring at the spot where the cat was before he cleared his throat.

“Well, that was weird. I think I may just head home and watch a weird movie in tribute of today.”

“Yeah,” Ryan murmured, and looked up at his friend before pulling him into a hug. He didn’t know why he did it, but it was a sudden action, and immediately he thought his face would burn right off. Instead, he didn’t pull away, and Shane seemed to reciprocate, patting his back. “I, uh, sorry. I don’t know why- I just - I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“It’s okay,” Shane said with a quiet laugh. “I’m surprised, but I appreciate a good ol’ Bergara Bear Hug.”

“Oh no, you even gave it a name? You know I don’t like bears.”

“But you’re, like, a human version of Paddington. Bergara Bear Hug is official.”

“Noooo,” Ryan groaned, smiling, and pushed Shane back a little. “Anything but that.”

“Nope, it is branded now. The Bergara Bear Hug. It’s your secret attack.”

Ryan just laughed and headed towards his car as Shane went towards his. “Okay, fine. Now I need to find something for you, you shit.”

“Love you too, bud. See you.”

“Lo...yeah, see you!”

Ryan skipped a little in his step and hopped into his car, scrolling through his Spotify playlists to find some tunes to listen to while he drove home. He looked up as Shane’s car pulled out of the lot, and he waved goodbye, just as his vision went fuzzy again, and he could have sworn Shane winked at him with the brightest, red eyes, and a whisper of red cloud stream behind him. Ryan blinked, thinking he was just tired, trying to catch a look at Shane’s face again, but he had already turned down the road.

“What the fuck…”

#raaky fics #odnd #demon!ryan #shyan #skeptic believer #demonryan #demon ryan #ryan bergara/shane madej #bfu #shyan fics

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beautifulhaus · 7 years

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Journal - 2017/06

I made a journal post with drawings and thoughts that happened last week.

Check it out if you want :)

I was staying up late and the sun started to come up...ha but it was so beautiful so I tried to capture it. This drawing happened and I thought this could be a cool layout for a short film. No plans to make it but maybe I will take it out again one day.

Ideas and Ego

I started to watch a lot of interviews of all different kinds of artists and I found there is an interesting pattern when great artists talk about their ideas.

'It's like this spooky universe picks the day and gives it to me.'

'My ideas are beyond me, they are not for or from me'

'Just sit down and either something great happens or not'

'We reinvented the wheel by accident'

Ideas as relevant universal gifts that have nothing to do with you as a ego but are just using your body as a door to the world. Have faith in some kid knocking on that door and be kind and not judgmental to that kid. You should listen carefully what she has to say and maybe you might even want to help her with her concern. But also note that you might not get visited for a long time. You might want to put out a nice new welcome matte tho or decorate a little ha.

I like that thought because it takes away the judgment you put over yourself. There are no bad no good ideas, they just are and it's your job to help them come to live and that is it. Help them as best as you can and once you did that, don't judge them. Let them be and wait for the next kid. And if that idea is to write a song about cheeseburgers even though you have never written a song and have no clue about it at all, do it because it is not about you, it is about that song trying to make it .

haha dang so dramatic

Louise Wilson

I discovered her through a Kanye Interview and just want to collect some things I kept from her. She was probably the most influential fashion professor of our decade – unfortunately passed away in 2014

She said something like 'Sometimes when I talk about the work of my students I would ask them 'Would you show that to Tom Ford?' and they would say 'Oh no, I would have to do that and that better'...

Well then why don't you do it?? 'BE YOUR OWN TOM FORD'

I love that mindset so much and I tried it. I watched some Disney making of videos and then pretended I would work for them and did some sketches...haha. That really opened my eyes on becoming better at something. It is not about the craft itself. It is not about practicing for 231786 years in the sense of exhausting hard work. It is all about you mindset. It is about how you prepare mentally before you put that pencil down and what you allow your body to perform! If you do that you also get a feeling of ultimate self confidence because you get into a state where it's not even questioned that you couldn't do something. And if something does not come out the way you wanted you just do it again.

And again. Again.

'Our students would go to Paris Fashion Week and see how many shows they could get into. They pretended to be the make-up artist. That was actually a class project!'

Just wow I have nothing to say to that. I start tearing up reading this what is wrong with me haha

About students starting her course

'And if Professor Wilson sees herself fighting a crusade, it's not against what students don't know, but what they do. "Their previous education has rendered them incapable. When they come here, it's like rehabilitating them. Because they've been in education since they were five. That's longer than if you'd been in prison for murder. And when you left prison, you'd been given a social worker to rehabilitate you.'

I feel like that is what is happening with me now. The school system is so so so deep embedded in me because I was all about doing great and reaching expectations. I got out when I was 18 and it took me 5 years to just get an idea of how I have to set my mind in order to survive in the ways my mind and body is supposed to perform.

Great Lady, just by reading and watching her interviews I felt really connected and got a good idea of her approach on life.

Sources

Kanye Interview https://youtu.be/4Rn0hDB6Z8k?t=25m24s

Louise Wilson https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/feb/07/central-saint-martins-louise-wilson https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2014/may/19/louise-wilson-seven-insightful-fashion-quotes#img-1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li1ty85B_vs

I noticed I keep telling myself the same things haha

People always talk about their passion and how it makes them do amazing things but what is that? Tell me about it because I dont knooow haha.

I do know that feeling of really wanting to do something and getting all these ideas for it but it would never stay for a long time and most importantly on the same thing to do... ha

Is it something we have to look for? Is it something that comes in the act of doing something? Is it something we choose? Is passion a choice? Idk I have always been all over the place with the things I enjoy and have an initial love for but it would eventually dim down and come back and down. Haven't I found the right thing yet or do I have to choose a path and commit to it even in times I don't have any love for it anymore? (Usually the next day ha) Here is something that comforts me in that regard tho.

To have faith in the unexpectedness of life.

We can predict, plan, prepare as much as we want but what is clear is that we don't have a clue of what's going to happen next and using that as a tangible fact that we can rely on brings me back to the present and to what can or has to be done now. So I end up not overthinking and just make random stuff. Like this post :>

I also had to think about my dad who used to spend the whole day in front of his monitor doing paintings in paint... Haha That's all he would do and eventually he printed the ones he liked the most and hang them in the house. What's that feeling? He enjoyed looking at images so he tried all day to make the ones that strike him the most by himself? He did what he wanted to see just for the enjoyment of looking at them? Because he didn't show his work, never talked about it. He just made them.

Fashion has always been something that I found interesting and having my own collection is a Kid that has been sitting in my brain for the longest time. While I thought about some concepts I found out about this fashion brand Comme de garcon and I felt connected to their vision in a weird way. I then got the idea to make concepts for them and send it to them. ‘Here take that and now hire me’ kinda like that haha

I feel very weird about showing it all so maybe I will after after they have ignored it for a few weeks. (Also in case I ever finish it)

Everyone can do something great, everyone has a gift. It's about finding the right mindset, the right vibe that let's your body flow and make all the amazing things it is able to make. What will keep you away from that state are 'wrong intentions'. Doing it for the money, doing it for the fame won't be a healthy engine for the long run.

Is that true tho?

Btw this is the way I tell myself things so even though it might be total bullshit, I just pretend it's true (for now).

Have faith in the unexpected. Have faith in something amazing happening at any given moment.

(All these ideas and thoughts are not my work, I kinda feel this 'body as a vessel' thing. All I am doing is pretty much watching and experiencing on what journey it is on.) I never did anything for my thoughts to come out, they just do. What that mindset leaves you with is a ultimate sense of validity in your existence and everything that is connected to it. (sadness, laughter, embarrassment, uninspiredness, excitement, 'failures' or things that just didn't go as expected/hoped.

Have faith in the unexpected. Don't force it, don't stress it.

I am feeling a very strange feeling of peace right now and I am absolutely cracking myself up inside because all I can think of now is this video where Beyonce is in awe because of everything but I totally feel it too right now aaahaha. Also why am I sounding all spiritual now what is happening?? wth. And do I think I am Beyonce or what? Am I just high on coffee or something???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O63dea1U33g

Rereading this is the funniest thing, what was going on haha. (random older stuff)

Don't feel whatever was happening yesterday anymore ahaha but what's new.

Life is so extremely short. Everything that seems like the most important and eternal thing is only a blink of an eye, really. Soon we and everything that is our world won't mean anything anymore. There is no excuse to 'waste' time on things that don't feel important to you. Do the things you want gurrrlll

You already can do anything you want. You just have to have faith in your abilities and get rid of this sense of bad and good. Whatever you do just is, and that's it and that's good. (in the sense that good is all there is) The only thing that stands between 'everything I can do' and 'me at this given point of time' is me doing it.

So have that same sense of 'I can do everything' in all aspects of life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0

It's not about you, it's about the art getting it's chance to exist so get over yourself and let all the babies out. And you don't judge your children, you just let them be, maybe guide them.

(Rereading this makes me cringe hard ahahahaah I still mean it but at the same time I am thinking like 'Who are you and why does everything sound so spiritual motivated and dramatic ahaha. I wrote that stuff just days ago but it feels like I found an old journal of me as a kind trying to figure things out hahaha oh man anyway...)

I looked at what I wrote and I basically repeat myself again so nevermind haha.

But today I found out about Rupaul and how amazing he is so I watched a lot of interviews again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSchZdbdWYU

‘ We are an extension of the power that created the entire universe ‘

Again this sounds very spiritual which I am kinda uncomfortable with but it is so true at the same time. I don’t believe in free will. We can not want what we want. We just want things and we just think certain things and get certain ideas and these things are a result or part of the chainreaction of happenings after the bigbang if you will or the creation of the universe. So we are an extension of the power that created the universe. Maybe all this spiritual talk of this week really is just standing really really high on solid facts.

“In fact it was good for me to go back home because I got to recharge my battery and understand what it is I wanted to do in the first place”

Totally what happened to me in the last two weeks??? I was sick and got the chance to just recover and think which braught me to this crazy long post.

Also found out he has a podcast with over 100 Episodes so I know what I can listen to when I draw around now.

http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/rupaul-whats-the-tee-with-michelle-visage

So weird... I came across this songwriter called James Fauntleroy and he talks about how he wanted to become a comicbook artist, then he got sick which braught him to songwriting and now he is into animation.... That is literally me because I have been recording so many song sketches the past few days and really found a love for it and the drawing thing is given. I used to write songs and always wanted to make music but back then my mindset was all in this ‘this is bad, I am such a beginner, I dont know anything about this’ - mode which I am kinda over with now (not totally but we will get there) and now it’s just fun doing it.

https://youtu.be/EGY0rROcvRQ?t=11m5s

Ok so I was Beyonce, Rupaul and now this guy haha. I don’t know... so weird I really got a sense of ‘a bigger power’ this week though, which I have always heard people talk about but I never really understood or felt it the way I did this week.

Sunday is almost over now and I am thinking about this journal thing. I don’t like that it is packed with so much text, I am also not sure if it’s a good thing that I spend so much time into going back and recalling each day. Even though these texts are only days old it feels like they were written from this super old version of myself because I wrote them in a state of mind which was very specific to that moment I wrote them in. You know when you get sentimental and have all these thoughts you normally don’t have but the next day you wake up and feel totally different and just forget about it. Now I have that stuff written down and reading it 2 or 3 days later is like....This guy needs to chill. Also having to actually lock the things down that go through my mind like I am doing right now is weird because some things just don’t really matter like this stuff right here but since I am writing them down I have pay extra attention to what is going on in my brain haha maybe I should just cut in down extremely for the next time? Maybe only drawings? I don’t know, let’s see if I make another one next Sunday.

Have a good one :)))

#journal #Illustration #animation #june

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tumblunni · 7 years

Text

Tagged by @branch-chief--faba!

RULES: answer the questions and tag 15 blogs you want to know better.

Nicknames: Bunni, Dan (irl)

Star Sign: Libra

Height: I dont think ive measured my height since i was a teenager, but around 5′6″ or 5′7″ or something? average height i guess

Time Right Now: 15:45

Last thing I Googled: “Endellion” cos its the username someone had in a game or something that was on my dash, and i wanted to know what the name means cos its cool. Apparantly its the name of a saint?

Last Movie I Watched: rewatching Finding Dory and CRYING AGAIN

Last TV Show I watched: Black Butler Book Of Circus, and before that it was ERASED/The Town Without Me. My picky side is so frustrated that the dub changed a cool name into something generic as hell :P

When did I create this blog: cant really remember, is tehre any way to find out? a fair few years I think, i cant recall if it was just after i ran away from home or just before?

Why I choose my URL: I’m bad at remembering stuff so I tend to use the same username and same password everywhere. (Tho spelling the password differently just in case. But cos bad memory i end up having to roll thru every single spelling every time I log in XD) Bunni89 was just the first username I had as a nine year old and it stuck. I wanted to be Bunny cos... it was the name of my plush rabbit doll. And my fave animal in general. I’m not very creative! And then the ‘lets spell it internet speak’ bit and the random number was just to try and find a version of bunny that wasnt already taken. Then I’ve just used that username for the next 15 years and its stuck so much that its even kinda my irl nickname now! Aaaand then just tumblunni because puns.

Gender: agender/nonbinary

Hogwards House: Slytherin cos i always feel sorry for anyone generically written off as a villain for stupid reasons, hufflepuff is probably more likely cos i have no special traits except being huggable.

Pokemon Team: I try and have a different one each generation, like Ash. But i still keep all my previous teams pride of place in a special box in each game and I love doing postgame stuff and minigames with them. I get really attatched to my mons! I’m so guilty feeling that I lost two mons from my unova playthrough during the transfer bck and forth from friends’s games back when i didnt have a DS for a few years. my poor samurott and leavanny... :( Anyway, my current team in sun and moon is primarina, mimikyu, goloisipod, alola raichu, alola muk and lurantis! I wanted to have a drampa but i bought sun by accident instead of moon. And I also really like mareanie and that mossy anchor pokemon but they were so impossible to find that i only got them late in the postgame. I actually fished up an anchor friend myself but i had to trade for a mareanie :P

Favourite Colour: blue! and just the general aesthetic of black and white with one bright colour highlighting small details. thats a cool!

Lucky Number: 74 is my favourite number!

Favourite Character: TRESH GROMP GROOMPLE GRIMPLES GREMPY GROO y’all know who it be, i am not able to be silent about my faves aaaaand I have a bunch of other obscure minor character villain faves in other fandoms too, and just generally i am lame

Number of Blankets: Two, and a sleeping bag sometimes cos weather is so cold lately. We had like one unbearably hot day and then straight back to ice!

Name: Dan

Birthday: October 12th

Siblings: A half sister I havent seen in a decade... i hope she’s okay...

Favorite Smell: I have a really bad sense of smell and generally i can only smell really strong bad smell,s alas. Tho i do think gasoline smells nice and thats such an EVIL TRAP cos its all deadly gross fumes n stuff!

Pets: Had a cat, rabbit, fish and hamster as a kid, but havent had another pet for years. i really wanna someday be able to take care of one on my own!

Wake Up: consistancy is for the weak

Sleep: see previous question

Type of phone: i have no idea what this phone is, i dont know anything about phones. its some super cheap super bad touchscreen thingie i got in a christmas sale for twenty bucks

Love or Lust: aromantic asexual here giving a big ol shrug at this question

Lemonade or Tea: Lemonade. I am the worst brit, i hate tea XD

Cats or Dogs: Cats

Coke or Pepsi: Coke

Day or Night: Night

Text or Call: Text

Make up or natural: no makeup aaaa its a sticky face prison

Met a Celebrity: nope

Smile or Eyes: ??? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. how can you compare the two. im just imagining someone smiling and their mouth is full of eyes. WHY DID YOU INSERT THIS IMAGE INTO MY BRAINMEATS

Light or Dark Hair: having dark hair is annoying when you wanna dye it, so i’ll go with light hair just for the practicality   Shorter or Taller: oh was all this meant to be about what you find sexy in someone instead of yourself?? cos im average height and i already answered that...   Intelligence or Attraction: wait this is a question about what you find most attractive so how does that make sense. unless it isnt...?? thing you most want to be: intelligence or sexyness? well i want everything except sexyness so there u go.   Chapstick or Lipstick: havent used either in over a decade   City or Country: both have their own good and bad points, ive had different social anxieties living in both :P   Last Song Heard: this cool amv for a movie i love pointless fact: it was legit made by the same director and animation team as the first digimon movie, its like the version of the script he wished he could have done as its own property. he also made wolf children!

Fruit or Vegetables: Froooooot

Anime or Cartoons: I like both in different ways. Mostly I just like a certain sort of story/art style/character lineup/etc and i like it no matter which genre it appears in. And i tend to really like the stuff that takes inspiration from both genres cos it seems they’re more likely to have that sort of stuff! Combining all the goodness!   Phone Case: wait you can buy cases for phones??   Showers or Baths: showers are conveinient, baths are lazy. depends on how bad my day has been!   Dream Job: i dont have any dreams really, im a weirdo. ive never been able to find one. at best i flip through a few current hobbies and have a vague idea that it could be fun to be paid for doing them, but its never a really huge interest and i never try and work towards it cos i know im flaky and ive changed my mind a million times before. I hope someday i can find something that just clicks and i wanna do it forever!

Milk and Cookies or Doughnuts and Coffee: WAIT YOU EAT DONUTS WITH COFFEE?? WHY?? donuts are already soggy! thats weird! milk n cookies forever yo. or donuts on their own, but donuts are too sugary for me, i can never eat more than one without feeling sick.

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