#anyway. i am also not trying to say that either the us or china are ' good ' or ' bad '

[vamptastic]

i genuinely don't understand what capitalist countries stand to gain by fighting each other instead of collaborating economically. like why does the us warmonger against china when we would benefit more from trade? ostensibly it's for moral reasons, but regardless of the veracity of any given claim i think the united states has shown itself to prioritize economic success over human rights on a number of occasions especially during the cold war. i suppose i assume most wars are waged on the grounds of economic gain (natural resources, global political power, straight up money in the form of the military-industrial complex) but you could make an equally solid argument that just as many are waged over purely social and political issues- ethnic and religious conflict, blind nationalism, the whims of a dictator. it just confuses me at times, i guess. i have a hard time believing that the united states is bound and determined to wage war against china over human rights abuses, infringing on other countries sovereignty, and neo-colonialism in africa when we've propped up fascist dictators in many a country who've done far worse. is it literally just the association with communism? because surely whatever evil fuckers actually want war know that china is very far from communist right now. is it just nationalism? the idea that we must be on the top of the totem pole, even if our economy would stand to gain from trade? because i suppose i could believe that, but i think if that was true we wouldn't have gotten to where we are today in the first place. blegh. at the end of the day i am also ignoring the fact that many many different groups of people want war against china for reasons ranging from sinophobic jingoist nationalism to a genuine belief that the united states is a global moral watchdog determined to establish ~democracy~ worldwide. but there is a definite slant to media coverage on china right now, genuine attempts at disinformation, and given that the media in the us is so deeply tied to corporate interests it leads me to believe that there has to be some economic motive here, and it frustrates me that i can't figure out what it is.

#this post is long and convoluted and circuitous. sorry. #please do not try to like. publically own me or erupt into moral outrage over this post if you're reading it btw. #suppose i would be interested in hearing others takes on this but im just curious i genuinely don't have answers here #i don't want to argue or be accused of being immoral for not taking a hard stance on an incredibly complex issue. #anyway. i am also not trying to say that either the us or china are ' good ' or ' bad ' #insomuch as any country can be good or bad. particularly a country millenia old or one that changes leadership every four years. #individual actions taken by each government are undeniably bad. yes. #but as a us citizen i find it very difficult to find reliable information about what is happening in other countries. #our media has become so wildly polarized that you can often figure out national issues by looking at both sides #but when the media is unified on portraying one falsehood both left and right? you're fucked. #often media that claims to be neutral could be more accurately described as western #i trust ap and the bbc on us politics - not global politics. #all that being said when it comes to things like the treatment of uighur muslims or the political situation in hong kong and taiwan. #i'm not entirely sure what to believe. #and i also believe that if every single immoral act the us claims china has done is real... we still wouldn't wage war based purely on that #...i do genuinely think the claims that china is colonizing africa by offering loans is horseshit though #even if it was itd be fucking rich for european countries that wrecked africa in the first place #to moralize about the means by which another global power allows them potential economic power #the problem arises from capitalism on a global scale itself i mean #there is no way to build up infrastructure and trade routes for an entire continent without #in some way eventually profiting from it #i do see the comparison to the us and latin america and i think that's kinda apt but #the way ppl talk about it you'd think they were doing what france did to haiti good god

[shinynewwriting]

Since Superman: Lost is still ongoing, I am trying to reserve judgement until it concludes. One thing I do really like, however, is whatever wild psychosexual thing with Superman that Lex Luthor has going on in it.

We're currently at issue 7, and Lois has scheduled lunch with Lex Luthor. This is the first time Lex has shown up in the series. Not to worry though, he's definitely very calm and not at all frothing with rage that his nemesis is completely non-functional, has been for weeks, and no one will tell him why.

He's definitely not going to take it out on Lois, either.

(Lex is referencing Edith Galt Wilson, the wife of US President Woodrow Wilson who essentially took over his duties as president after he suffered a stroke during his second term in 1919.) Anyway, Lex makes a token effort at pretending he doesn't care at all:

Lois, however, calls immediate bullshit:

Holy crap, Lex has been on the page for like five panels and Lois is saying every quiet part out loud. Let the man breathe, Lane!

I am fascinated by whatever is happening in that self-diagnosis. Because the thing is...there's nothing in either the regular canon or in the past issues of Superman: Lost to indicate that Lois and Clark have anything but a healthy relationship based on mutual love and respect. But the minute Lois starts describing Lex as obsessed, he hops in with, "See, we're just like each other!" Lex assumes that whatever he feels about Superman is basically equivalent to how Superman's wife feels about him.

And then Lex rolls out his ~evil plan~ that will result in Lois' death and tells Lois to send Clark his way.

I gotta say, in my wildest dreams, I never thought we'd get an actual plotline consisting of:

Lois: "Clark is VERY SAD, so you need to do your usual stupid bullshit and cheer him up." Lex: "Uuuugh, fine, but only because I'm obsessed with him. I'm going to kill you, just FYI."

I also enjoy how both of these emotional bulls-in-a-china-shop independently arrived at a plan of, "Maybe some good ol' crimefighting will fix the PTSD!" Clark truly has a type.

#superman: lost #clark kent #lois lane #lex luthor #clois #clex #superman #dc comics

[stoopid-turtle]

Hey loving your blog so far , am a new turtle just recently watched the untamed with my best friend. I'm 100% convinced they were definitely a thing during filming even now I still believe they are still together. My bestie on the other hand doesn't think they were anything more than friends. I tried my best to convince her but she thinks I falling to separate the actor's from their roles they were playing. My question to you is that do you ever sometimes think us turtles overthink too much or misinterpret what was going on between them ? Forgive my grammar English isn't my first language

Hi there! (Your English is perfectly fine!)

Yeah, I do think turtles overthink some things. There's a lot on YouTube that falls into this category, tbh. I can see how it happens. With all the bts, it feels like its own show that we can pore over, slow down, watch from different angles, decipher the TRUTH from it to reveal that bjyxszd.

But the bts aren't scripted. While they're endlessly rewatched by us, they were one moment in time for the guys. One moment in a long, exhausting day of work. Stuff we may think of as being intentional and meaningful may just as easily be random, off-the-cuff, and ultimately meaningless. Think about jobs you've worked where you get bored and tired during a long day. If you're like me, you and a coworker/friend will start talking nonsense to each other to get through it.

One friend/coworker and I made dinosaur noises at each other between taking calls in a call center. Yeah, idgi either. And because I'm a flirty bisexual, we'd make lewd gestures and kissy faces at each other sometimes for fun. She's straight, so it wasn't serious. I am aware that this dynamic is different between guys than between girls (in the US. I can't speak to China.), so I'm not saying that what happened between gg and dd is like me and my friend. Just to show that...sometimes stuff just gets weird. I wasn't nursing a secret crush on my friend or anything. It was just random time-wasting.

So yeah, I do think some stuff is misinterpreted. As I've noted, we see very little of what was happening bts, and there was a lot going on outside of whatever was happening between gg and dd. It's inevitable that some stuff will be misinterpreted.

This is why it took a while for me to come around to bjyxszd. And I resisted HARD. I'm skeptical by nature and I'm double-skeptical of things that sound too good to be true (like that a popular BL couple was played by actors who actually fell in love and are now together).

But at the same time, I came around. It took me spending many hours reading, watching, trying to translate, etc. Even then, I had to write out a novel in tumblr posts to lay out my thoughts to establish to myself that I'm not crazy on this. Like you, I'm 100% convinced that they were an item during filming.

So I was able to get past the stuff I think is a bit of a stretch to believe in it anyway. Now, it just means I smile at the stuff that does seem meaningful to me, and leave the other stuff for those that enjoy it. I don't want to single out any particular thing that I think isn't as significant as some people think it is, bc I don't want to ruin anyone else's fun. We're all turtles so regardless of what path we took or what convinced us, we're in the same boat. There's no point squabbling over the details.

Especially with the bts, which happened years ago at this point. Odds are, even gg and dd don't remember the context of any one clip at this point. So the TRUTH is impossible to know completely. It can be frustrating if you're like me and dislike ambiguity and uncertainty, but we're all in this pit together. We just have to enjoy what we've gotten and what we continue to get.

I'll also just say, don't stress too much about convincing your friend. I know it's frustrating when you want to squee about something but your bf isn't into it, but people tend to dig in their heels when someone tries to convince them of anything. There's also no need to do so. BJYXSZD regardless of if people believe in it or not. Find some other turtles and do your squeeing with them and when with your bestie, focus on what things you do share with them.

#asks #yizhan #bjyx

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Do we seriously think that other member fanbases have not posted about donations from China? The difference is that others have not had similar chart success as Jimin, especially in the US. I am not counting Seven here because how much ever the fandom wants to deny it, that song got everything a western artist song does, if not more. There is not much difference in their US streams for the same week considering Seven had double the versions and remixes. 16% of LC overall streams are coming from the US even after 5 months whereas it’s only 9% for Seven. We can see that Seven globally is being carried by asian countries where the number of Spotify users and the streams it is pulling is disproportionate. Even with all this BB is never going to call out Seven success because it has all the playlisting and radio which is what BB wants every artist to do. And who in this fandom is even ready to have this nuanced conversation. Because as soon as you point out all this you are immediately labelled an anti.

And so they were always going to make Jimin the scapegoat irrespective of anything. If not the fanbase funding then it would have been something else. But what I don’t understand is that you know all this and yet you threw shade at Jimin solos. There is this constant push by this fandom to portray Jimin solos as the worst. I’m not saying they are saints but all other member solos do the same shit and yet I see one being called out more than the other. And again if you point this out then you are labelled an anti. Because this fandom always throws Jimin under the bus to call out his solos. Anyways I know I am talking to the wall here because the standard response I see is that his solos are always victimising him or that you guys are in an echo chamber and we call out all solos. I am in enough OT7 spaces to know that is not true but no one would agree to this because then the question arises that maybe it has more to do with bias against Jimin than his solos.

***

You know, the best way to answer this is probably to pick this whole thing apart, line by line, to show for example where you’ve made fairly accurate observations but drawn the wrong conclusion, as solos and their diet versions and/or exiles typically do. Or to show where you’ve made observations that aren’t consistent with the facts as I know them but which also have carry-on effects to other observations you’ve made, and so on. That’s probably the best approach since I’m well aware these are the arguments and talking points in certain fandom spaces.

But we’ve been having this same conversation since March. It’s been six months of nonstop bullshit theories from PJMs, other solos, their enablers within ARMY, ARMY themselves, etc, and I’ve been writing about this the whole time as well, consistently repeating more or less the same things, noting the same misconceptions, reinforcing the same caution, etc, and now much of what I wrote turned out to be correct, but it seems to have entirely gone over your head in all that righteous indignation. I mean, just today, after reading an article like that, reading the ~5 posts I’ve pumped out on it only today, you still don’t get it. Your primary takeaway from this is that Jimin solos were singled out and shaded by me (and the fandom) and that this proves Jimin is possibly disproportionately hated by the fandom and we must all be hypocrites who don’t really care for him either way… You still can’t see beyond that singular point of view.

I’m tired lmao, and I really don’t see the point in continuing an exercise that’s already doomed to be futile if that ask is any indication. Since you already see this as you talking to a wall. I’m very comfortable with you thinking I’m a hypocrite or whatever else, and you having whatever conclusion you have about all this without me trying to persuade you. And anyway, like I said there’s no use crying over spilled milk. What’s done is done. Everyone who can glean whatever lessons they need to learn from this, will do that, and others won’t, which is probably why I’m nearly certain that when we have to do this all over again next year (or possibly later this year), we’ll have much of the same exact problems many of which will be caused by people who still don’t get it. I only hope at that point, that number will be fewer. That would make so much of our lives easier. If BigHit is actually efficient too and on the ball, then it would be even more so.

A couple more things:

1 - If you’re indeed staying in OT7 spaces Anon, then you’d know the focus has already shifted from all this BS, to preparing for PJM2 already, as well as the next releases (which of course currently take priority). PJM2 is what Jimin is focused on, and that’s what many of his fans/ARMY have shifted towards already - a shift that started in a few OT7 spaces since the third week of April after the screwed up Billboard changes, while most everyone else was coming up with every conspiracy theory in the book to explain how BigHit was secretly pulling the strings within Billboard to cause Billboard to shaft their own artist…

2 - A quick note I want to make on Western awards: By virtue of being a BTS member, Jimin’s chances were already slim. After that Billboard article they’re even slimmer, but he’s still got a chance. It might be an ice cube’s chance in hell, but it’s a chance nonetheless. And the hope I have is that he does get recognized.

Anyway, good luck Anon. You seem to be a bit familiar with my blog but I can’t say you’ve actually read my posts. Even if we clearly disagree I hope you’re working towards supporting his current and next releases, because that’s what I’m doing too. Anything else will make all of this entirely worthless.

#i’m tired #there’s only so many times one can write the same things #bts #jimin #bangtan #billboard #bang pd

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

ANYWAY, LONDON. (12th Doctor voice: "What a dump!")

Tuesday

Mum and I left our home at 7:30 (Dutch time) and arrived 12:30 or so (UK time).

We had a lunch reservation at 15:00 at Dishoom in Covent Garden and it was delicious. The restaurant itself was too crowdy, though. Definitely overwhelming. My aunt recommended it, and I paid the bill, as a surprise to my mum. She was so surprised and happy she even told our waiter while beaming.

We walked around Covent Garden and we bought tea at Tesco's for my dad. I also went to the Waterstones there.

We also explored Chinatown and I am in love.

For dinner, we had a small bite at Bao Spot.

Then we went to Picadilly Circus's Waterstones, where I bought In the Lives of Puppets. I love this bookstore.

My mum wanted to check Fortnum & Mason, because my parents bought a tea set around 11 years ago, and she wanted to see if she could add the cake stand, until she saw the price.

Unfortunately, I was up till 6:00 because of my mum's snoring.

Wednesday

So we immediately looked up where we can find a drug store to buy earplugs. I'm conviced Boots and Etos are the same.

Anyway, despite my lack of sleep, I was !!!!! because it was HADESTOWN DAY.

We grabbed something to eat at Pret a Manger and ate it at Leicester Square and I'm just going to say it, Leicester Square is fucking horrible and definitely a tourist trap with the McDonalds and M&M Store and all the souvenir + vape shops. Cannot imagine why someone would willingly go there.

But yeah, we went to the Boots in Covent Garden, since that's what my mum found, not knowing that there was a huge Boots basically next to our hotel. Oops.

After that, we went to South Kensington by tube, but we accidentally took the emergency exit as entrance, so we walked down 190 stairs.

We walked around Kensington and Chelsea and damn, people are rich here.

We bought two expensive slices of cake at the Hummingbird Bakery. Mum thought they were around £3 a slice, but I saw it was over £6 a slice. My mum has 3 cookbooks from this bakery and likes their stuff, so she needed to try it.

We had lunch reservations at 12:30, but my mum was anxious to be late, so we were already there before 12:00, aka when the restaurant was open. So we instead had an overpriced (£3,60) cup of tea at this bakery close to it.

We had lunch at La Mammas or whatever it's called. My mum wanted to go there. It was really neat.

Then we took the bus to Harrods. We didn't really plan on buying anything, but we just wanted to see. My mum loved going by bus. Also, Harrods is terribly confusing. They should give us maps.

We went to the hotel to try the cakes and they were... bad. Well, not bad as in gross, but bad as in incredibly basic bitch and boring. You were unable to taste any of the flavour and it was way too sweet. Basically, it was laughable. (Mum: "Well, for £3, it was worth trying." Me: "... yeah, about that....")

HADESTOWN

HADESTOWN

HAAAAADESTOWN

AKA THE REASON WE WENT ON THIS TRIP IN THE FIRST PLACE

HADESTOWN!!!!!!

Thursday

We checked out Soho and had another breakfast at Pret a Manger. These things are everywhere, huh?

We bought some gifts for my dad and sister at Liberty's.

I, uh, convinced my mum to go to TKTS with me to check if there were cheap matinee tickets, either for Hadestown (yes, again) or Hamilton.

That's how I unexpectedly got Hamilton tickets.

Before that, we stopped by at Chinatown for lunch. I wanted a Chinese crepe. Looks like my Chinese is decent enough, because I ordered in Chinese and the seller immediately spoke back in rapid Chinese. Uhhhh.（ 我：我不明白！！！）

HAMILTON

HAMILTON.

HAMILTON!!!!!

And then after we show, we immediately had to take the train from Victoria back to Leicester Square, because we had dinner reservations at 胖胖 Hotpot. I really, REALLY wanted to try hotpot and we chose this one, because back in China, people used to call me 胖胖. It was absolutely delicious, although one of the soups was waaaaay too spicy for us.

I didn't want to go to bed, so we strolled around Picadilly Circus a bit more.

Friday

Our last day :(

We decided to have breakfast at Picadilly Circus's Waterstones. It was neat. Afterwards, I explored the store again and decided to, uh, read all the new content in Alice Oseman's new reprints of the books. They all have new covers, drawn by her, and new stuff. I don't feel like buying all of them again for that, even though the covers truly are amazing, so I decided to read them there on the spot.

Radio Silence's new content was the least interesting. I'm sorry, Alice.

The interview in Solitaire was cool and I liked the new tibit about Lucas.

Loveless and IWBFT had a whole new section of story. Loveless had the moment before Pip and Rooney's first kiss. I loved Pip's "I'm too fucking gay for this." I think I loved the IWBFT one more, partially because I love IWBFT more, but I loved reading the dynamic between Rowan and Lister and reading their POVs. (And shout-out to Rowan acknowledging that people see Lister as the most attractive one, since he's the white one.)

Nick & Charlie had a new story altogether about Nick's first day at uni and I also really liked that one.

Yes. I just used this post about my trip to London for these reviews.

We walked around Covent Garden again, but now in the area that was off-limits for cars and I admired Ted Baker bags. I really like these things, but I never really wanted to buy one, because I'm not going to use them. Maybe in sale. One day.

We had lunch at Bun House in Chinatown. We ordered three bao buns and wonton soup and holy shit, sorry Dishoom and Mammas, this was the best lunch of the trip.

My mum already wanted to go to St. Pancras (again, she's anxious about being late), even though it was 15:00 and the train left at 19:30. I was like "uh no", so we went to Trafalgar Square, since that was close by and therefore "safe" to go to without having to rush back.

If there were another matinee, I, uh, would've tried to go there, but alas.

On our way to Trafalgar Square, we stumbled across the Royal Watercolour Society which held a lil exhibition showcasing miniature models of two architects. A hidden gem, to be honest.

We sat at Trafalgar Square for a while and man, the queue for the National Gallery was insane. I also spotted a Waterstones so off we went. Look, I have been looking for a hardback copy of Gentleman's Guide for a long time, okay? I wanted to try again, but again, no luck.

Then around 16:30 we went to St. Pancras. There, we had tea at Le Pain Quotidien while we waited for an hour before the line opened and yes, around 19:30, we left. We arrived in Brussels at 22:30 (Dutch time) and my dad picked us up and we drove home.

#lb 2024 #me doing the actual blogging thing #in bulletpoint form

[deanmarywinchester]

im still reading this book about the franklin expedition so who wants facts about the terror characters vs their real life inspiration? you? right this way sir

Netsilingmiut tradition is to lay a dead person to rest on the ground wrapped in furs and surrounded by stones, and then to avoid that area for the next year. leaving them uncovered is so their soul can either return to nature or inhabit the body of a namesake, and it also prevents the impossible work of digging a grave in permafrost. i’m interested in this re: terror because silna’s father was covered up with ice, which can’t have helped her or him, and because of how hickey breaks taboo by returning to the site where fitzjames is buried

contrary to book canon, peglar knew how to write long before meeting bridgens, due to some rudimentary charity schooling and a sort of trade/prep school for the navy or merchant mariners. he served many voyages in good standing except once when he was lashed for mutinous behavior and drunkenness, but his reputation seems to have bounced back

the body that the peglar papers was found with was likely actually jopson, who may have befriended him on an earlier voyage they served on together

while im talking about peglar, this isn’t a fact but I am dead certain that dan simmons made him gay bc he had no other explanation for why the peglar papers are written backward than bc he was imitating da vinci (book canon). also book peglar has dysgraphia to explain why he’s highly literate but the peglar papers had terrible spelling

blanky had studied the ice and was an arctic veteran but reid was an experienced whaler who made decisions on gut instinct. fitzjames liked him despite calling him a “so-called” ice master in his diary

hickey’s mutiny, which in the book was his men trying to get back to the ships, was likely inspired by one of the first identified signs of franklin’s men: two skeletons, gnawed likely by wolves, found in a boat on a sledge pointing back toward the icebound ships. the sledge was full of random stuff including five watches and china plates, which the explorer who found it ten years after the ships’ abandonment lamented were considered useless dead weight in this modern age of arctic exploration. you see a bit of hickey’s men collecting useless things in the show (when they’re sitting at a table and chairs using plates and cutlery) but it’s an even more prominent theme in the book

sir john brought along a lot of slates and chalk and intended the men to be taught to read and write during any winters they spent trapped in ice

some Inuit lore says that the northern lights are dangerous, with one specific folk story being that if you whistle, they will come down to cut off your head. this is not a fact about the terror characters but it is a reminder to me to see if the bosun’s whistle sounding in the show foreshadows any decapitations

aglooka means “takes long strides” but it took a Netsilingmiuk historian to make sense of what stories about an Aglooka meant for the fate of the franklin expedition. that’s bc it was a name given to many white explorers, including crozier and james clark ross (i guess bc white people walked differently in the arctic? or were taller?). anyway everyone clap and cheer for Louie Kamookak for figuring this out almost incidentally while he was trying to write a history of the Netsilingmiuk

#the terror lb #ish #my posts #the terror #reading tag #side note this book doesn’t give a shit about crozier which is very funny #there are photos of three of the terror men: sir john fitzjames and REID. REID!!

[niteshade925]

I really am preaching to the choir because this is fucking tumblr and westerners, esp americans, love to project their situation to the rest of the world, but no, even though there is racism in China (I mean duh, it's a big fucking country, not all people are nice), it is neither systemic, nor is it the same sort of thing as in Western countries. For example the whole "colorism" thing that people here keep harping on about. Yes, tanned people (notice! NOT "dark skinned", but TANNED, as in you are lighter skinned but became tanned due to exposure to sunlight) were seen as lower class, because way back then only farmers and hard laborers worked under the sun, but this is more of a thing within Han Chinese people themselves. In other words, this supposed "racism" actually doesn't have much to do with racism at all, it's a CLASSIST thing. Now I'm not saying classism is good, but I'm just pointing this out so people can stop calling Han Chinese culture "racist" when they know jack shit about it.

And anyway, you looking tan in China doesn't mean people won't hire you for jobs or people will be prejudiced against you or whatever. That is NOT A THING. My grandpa is literally brown skinned (there are brown skinned Han Chinese people btw, also some Han Chinese have very wavy almost curly hair too, like my cousin, and many have the "double lid", like my uncle, some even have pointy noses, like my grandma's family), and guess what? He had a respectable job, he made a good living, retired with a house, elderly mother, wife, kids, grandkids, was well liked, and had a lot of friends. My mother also has very tanned skin and she was a well-respected teacher. Again your skin color really isn't a huge deal in China because Chinese people have a wide range of skin colors and physical features already. We are NOT all "light skinned with dark eyes and dark straight hair". NO. And we are fine with having a range of physical features.

Alright now that the misconception has been addressed, let's talk about the kind of racism that does exist. From my experience, most of the racism towards black people are IMPORTED. Yes, imported, from the West. The kind of racist things some people say are literally the same as what you might hear in the american south. Now, although they say the same things, the root is still different. White americans are racist towards black people because of skin color and race, and because it's systemic, it has kept many black people poor. Now in China, some people say the same things NOT because they "don't see black people as people", it's because they see that black people are generally poor in the West and they thought it's because "these people don't work hard enough", when in reality it's the system in Western society working against black people. Again, it's more of a CLASSIST thing, and actually has less to do with either colorism or racism, but more with ignorance of the situation in countries far far away from China. Many Chinese people don't really understand how racism towards black people are systemic in countries like the us because there has never been anything similar in China ever. Obviously there are exceptions who are actual racists (and it's not a coincidence that these exceptions are usually people who had lived in Western countries and who sought white validation while they lived in the West by trying to act and think like white people), but let me repeat again, in China in most cases it's a CLASSIST thing.

#:) #I'm really preaching to the fucking choir #but it's gotten to a point where it just can't be ignored anymore #it's really fucking annoying when people accuse chinese culture as being 'racist' when they know fuck all #also idk what to even tag this #jfc #chinese culture #'are chinese people racist?' #here's your answer #prejudice #classism #colorism #racism #these concepts may be connected but they ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS

[archtroop]

I HAVE REWATCHED THE BATMAN

[Reposted from discord, so I can gather more hot takes on this ramble]

It's like the gift that keeps on giving, I am sure that whenever you rewatch it new stuff floats up to the surface

Mind blown

Matt Reeves has a pair of 🎱🎱

Ok this is a feverish "I've connected the dots/you've connected nothing"

In the movie, Selina is shown to have been some kind of favorite of Falcone. In what capacity, that is not deliberated. Enough for him to be touching her in a smarmy way in the 44 Bellow, and for them to show that they recognize each other in a more than just "she works there" way.

We also know she was sent to foster care at age 7, so Falcone wouldn't know or care of what happened to her anyway.

Later in the movie she asks for an audience with him, to kill him actually, but either way, he grants it, but then she reveals she is "Maria's kid" and he looks like "Oh, yes I remember her", which suggests HE DIDN'T KNOW Selina was his daughter.

So I would like to ask this. So Selina warmed and wormed her way through the club to get to Falcone. She knew he was her father.

In what FASHION did she win his attention??? Without laying out the daughter card from the get go???

That is a fucking risqué shit the movie suggests.

Ok but say, this is a setting that fits the bill, this is a club of notorious reputation, Gotham has notorious reputation, and Selina was born right into this, under the makeup table of the gogo girls, so.

But here comes another interesting one: Selina and Annika.

Selina is, or so it seems, older than Annika, and if not by age than by experience. Selina was born and raised in Gotham, in its literal underbelly. Annika is an immigrant (a fandom wiki states she is 22? We are shown her passport, so it may as well be true), but she is referd to by Selina as "Jesus, she is just a kid", implying that, whatever their age gap is, be it 1 year or 8 (if we presume that Selina and Bruce share a birth year?), in any case Selina views her as "a kid".

She cares for her and for all it's worth takes her under her wing.

She says Annika is her friend. But also reserves her the nickname "baby", while when being condescending she calls others "honey", but when she cares for another, she uses " baby" (that one is a polished theory I've read here somewhere, hey if you wrote this theory and reading this, you are a genuis), and anyway.

Let's be real, no one for a moment here would deny that Selina and Annika slept together.

Like it's just. It's literally there.

Selina has "a thing about strays" and loose morals (as far as some might assume) so it fits.

What I'm trying to point out, is that, Reeves DOES NOT shy from the vagueness of relationships and is embracing The La Problematiq (tm), he's just really good in concealing it without bumping the rating up to the skies.

He shows Bruce laser focusing on the Mayor's kid, when at the crime scene early on. He is incapable of NOT seeing himself in the boy.

When he saves him at the church from the ramming car (BTW, the car with the poor corrupt DA in it was spraypainted DOA on it. Dead On Arrival. Love the details in this movie) the car swerves early on sideways and isn't even on the trajectory that would hit the kid. Bruce is laser focused on the boy anyway, like he is the only person in the hall at all. He grabs him and all that hero shenanigans, but the kid was literally not in harm's way at all. It was extremely excessive.

Here be my post on this from way back.

And later on he pulls the kid from the rubble during the flood. Three times is a charm. This kid probably already has a "saved by a dark tall man" complex.

Twice he makes eye contact with The Batman, and one time he is literally smothered to the floor by Bruce himself.

Dad killed brutally, then he finds him. Then almost gets killed in dad's funeral. Then almost drowns at the elections day, all within *a week*. Poor kid has a bag of ptsd now the size of China.

Goddamn, The Batman has a full on ready to go stage for introducing Dick Grayson, and if by the end of it, if Reeves keeps his balls and nerve, Bruce will be kneeling by that kid as he implements those iris cameras like the ones he gave Selina, and he will hold the kids chin up to see that it sits well, and the Cinema hall will be soooooo uncomfortable.

And Dick will have his heart in his throat. He'll get all of his wires crossed like Christmas lights in storage.

The Batman has set the tone and stage for "weirdness" (tm).

Now I wonder how brave they would be about it, if at all.

We are shown how Bruce, The Batman, makes people react. Make them tell him things. He is, with not so many words, manipulates people like nothing.

His interactions with Selina were literally "I know your name and where you live and who you live with, now you work for me". He literally did that.

He talks to Jim Gordon, in Jim's own language in a way that Jim becomes reliant on Batman in a way, and trusts him without questioning too much at all.

With a glance he made our beloved Officer Martinez tell him nonsense that came to be extremely useful. Like, Martinez is us. He's that human who saw a freak but by the end of the movie was almost blushing in the presence of The Bat.

The new mayor Bella Reale! She now has to endorse Batman! He literally dragged her out of the flooded rubble.

I wonder will we ever be shown Bruce realizing the power he has over people ---

SO MANY THOUGHTS

#the batman 2022 #many thinky thoughts #matt reeves risqué game #matt reeves

[bookwyrminspiration]

and going farther back (SORRY😭) to the asks abt culture and being american but also being something else and trying to figure out... where those separate. how they separate. i feel like it's one of the most diaspora things to envision what it would be like in your parent's place, your grandparent's, your cousin's, etc. like i genuinely do think about it a lot. what if we had never stayed in cambodia but been in china the whole time? what if i had been sponsored to come here as a child the way my parents had? what if i had been born in the broken version of cambodia that is here now the way so many of the people i know have, and then come here to america? my dad has been listening to a lot of khmer music recently (did you know they have The Voice in practically every country???? bc i didn't) and so it has been a thing at the back of my mind recently. what if i lived in FRANCE. WAS FRENCH. it could have been a possibility if several things had happened to tip the scales towards certain people going there instead of the US!!! it is hilarious to think about me being either or or me knowing anything at all bc neither of the languages i am trying to learn feel like languages i belong to and the people don't really feel like that at all, either. something funny is there are a lot of khmer people n the places i have grown up and a lot of chinese people as well, but never (or very rarely) both, never mixed in that specific way. fuck quil i was going to say i don't think i get the big mixed experience of all the groups rejecting you but um. wheeze

anyway though yeah. it is a good day and due to the nature of my life and the fact that my parents are very good parents i do not worry about it a lot, but it is always. really strange to think about. like trying to figure out what the nature of french indochina WAS bc on the one hand colonization fucking sucks but on the other hand i genuinely have no idea what they would be without it? i guess most places have been colonized by someone but it is definitely A Thought Experiment. every time i think about this i am like ok but if france never invaded then baguettes would never have become fundamental to society. would we only have cha kuai (also crying. why is the wikipedia spelling CHAR KUAY. why is the southern chinese anglicization Like That). that would suck

OK. THAT'S ALL THE MESSAGES I HAVE FOR YOU apologies for the several very long messages. we are long lost pen pals sending messages across the world (several states (probably))

Oh my god yeah, I think its super common to compare yourself and imagine what it would've been like if you were someone else, or just slightly different. I know I do all the time. What if Spanish had been my first language until I lost it like my dad did, what if I'd been born in Mexico like all my other mexican family (sans my sister). What if I'd grown up knowing the family house down there. What if my life was based in Mexico and not here, what if they hadn't advised us to stop visiting and I'd grown up familiar with a place that now feels as foreign as the other side of the world but was supposed to mean something to me.

And you can take it so far back, too. What if the Spanish hadn't conquered the Aztecs, what if their empire hadn't fallen. What if it'd survived and I'd lived that life, known those customs like the back of my hand. Or if they hadn't, what if I had been fully Spanish? Born in Spain because my ancestors never came to this continent? Who would I even be?? I think i'd be unrecognizable, the idea of myself as Spanish even though I know there's family history there is so different from the idea I have of myself as Mexican I don't know how to deal with it. but it could've been

Holding your hand in solidarity of being mixed and no groups accepting you. I feel like. Even amongst the rejected mixed people I still don't fit, you know? I live around a high hispanic population, a lot of mexican specifically and so a lot of mexican americans. chicanos, no sabos, etc. And we're all technically mixed, but I always feel like they have more of the Mexican part than I do, so I don't really fit. But even so, there's still enough that I can't ignore it and trying to fit in without it feels like a betrayal. and because identity and heritage plays such a big role here it's like!! I can never not be aware of it, good and bad

I try not to worry about it either, but it's such a thought experiment. And it can go on forever. So many perspectives and experiences. So many possibilities. All the minute changes that would've altered you and your life so much--for the better? for worse? who knows because it didn't happen and can't! but it's like you can't help wonder sometimes.

also! no need to apologize! I enjoy talking with you, the topics and the insights you have. and how much we have in common, it's quite nice to be understood on those fronts. i'm including a pressed flower and some pretty rocks in my pen pal letter across the states <33

#quil's queries #soryasongsaa #long post #every day I wake up and remind myself there's not a measure I need to meet to be mexican enough #i /am/ mexican american. that's just something I am not something I need to earn #i don't need to check off a certain number of boxes I already have that #but checking off boxes would certain make me feel more confident about it #and then! back and forth in my brain #forever #well. hopefully not forever I hope I find peace with myself #it'll take time but I hope I'll find it #and its like. things are /fine/ now #there's just also. all of this in the back of my mind #you know?

[izzyspussy]

[image description: two side by side cropped photos showing parts of a bullet journal page. the first photo has a red and pink heart with a play symbol and a scene board drawn in each respectively in silver. next to the hearts are a song and a movie written in a corresponding color. the second photo has two red hearts, one with an open book and one with a writing quill drawn in silver. by these are a fanfic and a word count written in red and pink respectively. /end ID]

Media I Loved Last Week + Progress Report

My favorite thing I listened to is You Only Love Me by Rita Ora. Not me like

trying to hear if that's Taika's voice or not. And if it is... And if the song is about him... That's some pretty huge Fleetwood Mac Rumors energy. Like, that is a hard throbbing 9 inches of Fleetwood Mac Rumors energy. The thing is while I would like that for the #drama (and the Fleetwood Mac Rumors energy), I would hate that so much more because :'( I want them to be happy. So if it is Taika I hope it's either about some other guy and she just used his voice or they already Worked It Out previous to recording (or post I guess, that's fine too. during?). Anyway. 9/10 for the. fucking song itself. Someone who can hear sounds good c'mere and help me be an actual crazy person.

ETA: I listened to the song 8 more times while writing this post, and that is definitely Taika's voice. BTW. "Reetz, it's me." REETZ. Reetz!!! "This how I am, and this is how you are." I'm going to dig to China with my teeth.

My favorite thing I watched last week is Hustlers. To be more accurate my favorite thing I watched last week is Marry Me, but since I think I've already said that I decided to list the one I hadn't seen before. I love women. Don't know what else to tell you folks. I love women. 9/10

My favorite thing I read last week is sure as the sun come up from the south by cardinal_sin. To be totally honest I was not particularly thrilled with anything I read last week, but out of the available options this one is the best. It's pretty hot, but I didn't like the Wants A Good Grade In Therapy dialogue or the semi-frequent kink immersion breaking Izzy (POV character) did. As in, it's a blushing bride roleplay, and Izzy spent half of it thinking about how they're not really married, he's not really a girl, he's not really a virgin, he can't really get knocked up, etc. What did I say? 8? It's probably more like a 7/10.

I wrote 18 words total last week lol RIP. That was just a braindump note for an idea for a dark fantasy horromance to potentially write after I finish everything the fuck else on the docket. Still no additional progress on Curse The Messenger, but I'm planning to re-draft it this coming week to Get Back Into It. Wish me luck. (Also this heart is a different shade of pink on paper, but doesn't look that way on camera.)

#jack facts #i know i'm being a parasocial weirdo re: rita and taika #DON'T address it. UNLESS you're going to make me worse. #music #fic rec #ofmd #blackhannet #otplus #reading process #writing process #last week

[the-fiction-witch]

Why? Why me?

REAL LIFE  COUPLE: TBS X READER RATING: SWEET AF

I locked up the house shoving the keys in my pocket heading down the path and then down the street, keeping an eye on the time as I did. I was heading over to y/n's tonight, she had invited me over for dinner, and she also said she needed to talk to me about something. Admittedly I was a bit concerned about what it was about as she wouldn't tell me over text. but whatever maybe she wants more bike lessons or something? Once reaching her little house I gave the door a tap and stepped back a moment expecting to wait a little while as I normally do but almost instantly the door opened and I was janked inside my shirt.

"Did anyone see you come here?" she ordered pinning me against her wall

"No. why?"

"Are you sure? are you positive?"

"I think so"

"Alright," she nods letting me go, locking the door and heading into her kitchen

"what- what was all that about?" I asked her slipping my jacket off and setting it on the hanger by the door

"Long story" she shrugs as she cooked

"Okay, so. what did you need to talk to me about?"

"All in good time" she smiled

"what are we having anyway?"

"Honey roasted gammon, homemade roast potatoes, veg, Yorkshires. and we have homemade ice cream for later" she explained

"damn. I am hyped"

"I'm sure you are Thomas" she laughs

"did you intentionally make stuff I like?"

"Yes."

"Are you trying to butter me up?"

"If I did I would have just made ice cream"

"true. Your ice cream is amazing though you could end wars with that stuff"

"Thank you, go on I've set the table," she says

"Alright, you sure you don't need any help?"

"nope go on" she smiled

so I heard into her lovely old dining room the table set up for the two of us all the blinds closed though which was a little disappointing her garden is so beautiful and the dining room always looks so nice with the stars, even the skylight had the blind over it I don't think I knew it even had a blind she closed it so rarely, I took a seat noticing the impressive table cloth, the placemats, the antique silver cutlery, the plates that honestly looked older than me. I was even more suspicious.

What the hell is she gonna ask me!

this is a woman I have visited for lord of the rings marathons and watched her eat popcorn off the floor. this is suspicious as fuck. is she gonna murder me? is she going to ask me to murder someone? honestly, with y/n I wouldn't be that surprised by either. out of my nervousness I glanced around the room at her chandelier above the table, the prior mentioned closed windows and skylight, the old table and fancy adornments, I noticed her cabinet that usually lit up was dark, which again was strange, it had lights in to show of the many items within by it were turned off today odd considering we were in the dining room and all, I could see some items still there crystal and figurines all of which her families for generations back but then I noticed how empty one side was as if the darkness tried to hide that, a whole side was almost completely empty, for a moment I couldn't think what was missing then it clicked, the china. she had mentioned it to me before her family for several generations and now handed down to her it was missing, that's concerning but then I glanced down. Oh fuck. I'm getting served on it! what the hell! she never touches this stuff not even like Christmas and easter it stays in the cabinet, she once told me the only time she would consider using it was like her wedding. Oohh my god what am I about to be asked?

she came through with dinner and I admit I didn't really wanna eat it now given I know what I am eating off. I was scared what if I scratch it! she poured me a nice glass of Rose and she sat in her own seat. we chatted about work and weather as you normally do all the while my nervousness being apparent by the rose calmed it a little the food was delicious as it always is when she cooks, I noticed even though I was drinking to calm my nerves she was drinking even more then me, which is very odd for y/n she's not that big of a drinker, she packed dinner away and returned with the homemade ice cream which I admit I had a large amount off and as I had a spoonful I had a thought all the blinds are closed, and she asked if someone saw me? does she not want.... someone to know I'm here?

Holy crap am I about to become the other man!

wait she needs the first man before I can be another man?

am I about to become that man!

"So" she smiled

"so..."

"I did bring you over here to talk about something" she smiled

"I'm going, to be honest, y/n I am very suspicious and a little bit scared"

"Why?" she giggled

"You attack me asking if I was followed at the door like this is a spy mission, your house is shut up like a prison so there is no way anyone outside knows what's happening inside, I got served a perfect dinner with homemade ice cream which you know I adore, in a dining room set up like a gothic vampire family event, on the china from your cabinet of stuff we look but don't touch, with wine that I am one hundred percent sure you bought from an actual wine shop not from Tesco like you usually buy wine. You can't blame me for being a little bit scared." I explain "wouldn't you be scared if you came to mine and I'd done all that for you?"

"No, I'd just assume you wanted to fuck me"

"...... do you want to fuck me?"

"In a way"

"what- what do you mean in a way?"

"fine. let's just go from the top." she says "I need to have a chat with you a serious chat and I admit I don't like doing it" she says finishing her wine "I received some news"

"some news?"

"Yes. from my doctor. he gave me some news that I didn't want to receive"

"what was the news?"

"I'm not telling you. mostly because it long medical and boring"

"Okay, can you tell me anything?"

"I'm not dying Thomas. but something is happening that I have no control over which had given me a... kick in the butt as it were to do some things before its too late"

"what do you need to do?"

"I don't need to do anything, I want to do this"

"in short terms what is happening."

"... something that wasn't meant to happen to me for many more years. but it is for various medical reasons happening much sooner than expected. which is giving me a couple of options none of which I'm thrilled with"

"Well, what are the options?"

"I can accept it. and just never do what I wanted to do. I can freeze what I have left in hope that I can use them later. or I can have a baby now like now now."

"Okay... that uhh that is big" I nodded holding her hand as I could tell she was already getting upset "How do you feel about those?"

"I hate the first. I've always wanted a child. I'm not just going to waste my time now. and as much as adoption is always an option later down the line I just... I always wanted something that was mine, my own."

"That's understandable" I nodded "so... the other options?"

"I don't like the risk of freezing there isn't a lot of chance of it working out well down the line, I freeze what I have now and then In another few years when I wanna try if they all don't work I'm kinda fucked. That and let's be honest I do not have egg freezing money"

"Okay if that's what you want" I nodded and then it hit me having kinda been distracted by the situation she explained "so... what does that have to do with... me?"

"well... I want to have a baby. Now before I basically don't get a chance to. so... I uhh well you are a man, you have the uhhh ingredient I need for this potion" she says glancing at my belt

"... you want my -"

"Yes."

"Why? why me?"

"Honestly?"

"yes please"

"Thomas. you have a lot of qualities that are really nice and really sweet, your attractive, you have good Balerina genetics in you, overall good stuff that with all the options in the world you are a good one, if my baby had half of anyone I'd be okay with it being you"

"You mean it?"

"I do" she smiled squeezing my hand

"Are you sure? I don't age"

"cute baby forever"

"I have a nicotine genetic flaw?"

"You do?"

"Yeah my family smokes and I smoke it's a genetic predisposition to smoking"

"I can keep an eye on it"

"I don't have a great dick"

"I was aiming for a girl anyways, if you don't want to I can find someone else Thomas"

"No, it's not that I just... I don't know. never thought about it before."

"I'm not asking you to be there dad, I don't want money, I don't want anything, if you don't want to be in the baby life you don't have to be. I just want the stuff that will give me the baby"

"will you tell the baby? that I'm its dad?"

"That depends on how you feel about it"

"would you want child support?"

"If you want to be in the child life but not completely then I might ask for some, if you want a full relationship with the baby then maybe but not much, if you don't want a relationship with them then I won't ask you for anything"

"Okay."

"I'll give you time to think about it of course"

"When do you need to know by?"

"end of the month,"

"Okay I will let you know" I nodded, and we finished up chatting about things until I headed home, I walked the pitch-black London streets until I arrived back home and collapsed on my sofa, what a strange evening. I have to admit I never in my life thought I would be asked that, I had a bath and went to bed unable to stop thinking about it, thinking of what it would be like. I grabbed my phone from the table giving her a call

"Hello Thomas" she smiled down the phone

"Hey, I uhhh I've been thinking about it"

"Oh?"

"I'm In"

#tbs #tbs fanfiction #TBS Imagine #tbs smut #tbs fanfic #tbs imagines #thomas #thomas sangster #thomas brodie sangster #thomassangster #thomasbrodiesangster #thomas brodie sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster i #thomas brodie sangster smut #thomas brodie sangster s #thomas sangster imagine #thomas sangster smut #thomas sangster x reader #thomas smut

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary51

11/1-2/2023

wednesday - thursday

today sucked but that's okayyy.

not really but whatever. it's not because errands themselves were stressful. but first i should list off positives of the day, i made a guitar sound just now, it's crazy feedback freakshit, really cool to me, kind of really gets the pv stuff down too, which is mental. i recorded vocals and re-wrote lyrics for that song, and i'm sure i'll need to go back in, but it's huge to have that idea down and stuff.

anyways, today sucked because my gf's mom decided, while she and my gf were out together separate from me, me in the laundromat, laying into her about basically random bullshit, from me not having a job (i try! no one wants to hire me, there's huge gaps in my employment history, i can't act right in interviews or something i guess, sometimes i accidentally put "would prefer not to answer" for questions of gender on the questionnaire things, and it's apparently not something you're meant to do) and then getting into how we behaved on the trip, she believes for some reason that i think there is no war in israel when what i said to her, days ago in arizona, was that world war 3 is not going to start and china is not looking to invade america or use a nuclear weapon on us because one why would they start mutually assured destruction, unless they destroy america totally and just america (and what would they get?? no land, no resources, they are extracting all the capital they could want because they have beaten us at manufacturing and basically everything (we still have to see if they will achieve communism tho (i hope they do))), and two like i just said, they have beaten us industrially, america wants to stoke hate for china to start something because one: america is racist and evil and two: humiliated about not being number 1 (and all boomers are too thus the china is evil fantasy). i was also pro palestine and said that israel is obviously to blame here in every way, because they hold their people hostage essentially feeding these deaths to justify greater and greater strides towards genocide. in the car, she was agreeing with me, but she just does that. she also kept talking about how she had family who were in the military, and a husband too, and like wow who cares, the first place they test all the propaganda, where all the red scare cold war bullshit hit first, panic over those paper tigers that are kept to just destroy the world if we wanna. stupid. she also brought up multiple times that i am uneducated because i didn't get my degree because i could not justify going to school during covid virtually because i would be so bad at it and stuff, so she thinks i am like a stupid uneducated hick, something she loves to use against all kinds of people!!!!! she's so classist it honestly makes me sick.

she also brought up bill maher, and how disrespectful we were, and how she was so upset hearing us make jokes, and my gf asked if she thought i liked hearing him make bathroom gender jokes, and her mom was like "well he's just a man. it's a choice. he isn't one of them right." and a bunch of other shit, so my gf came in to tell me all this, she sees her telling me, and then she just calls my gf to say that if she's going to have a conversation then at least include her, and then she literally abandons us in the fucking laundromat for a while until my gf calls her, and during the call she begins ranting about bill maher again, and how he's making jokes for a different generation and how we don't understand, and also how i need to "pick a side, he's either transgender or not." and more stupid nonsense, but she at least comes to get us again. the whole rest of the day she acts like nothing happened, and that she isn't an abusive/manipulative bitch. my gf cursed her out during the first go around, and she was so pathetic, she acted like she was being abused and had to get away from her evil daughter defending her partner and getting upset her mother is literally a stupid and bad person who can't get over gentle banter over fucking bill maher. i can't believe he's developed into this great a problem in my life. he is a demon that looms in my existence now until i die, or he dies. not that i am wishing for his death (sincere, it feels awful to wish for people to die unless they are intensely rich demons like bezos who have so much funding behind them they are literally impervious to wishing (i think my superstitious sectors of my brain are over active in unfun ways that can rule my life sometimes but whatever (just washing my hands of intent and telling everyone my intent is perfect and good and i would never hurt anybody i am just nice and happy and not evil)))

it's so whatever, literally too stupid for earth.

this isn't even all the news of the day though, my gf's brother had a party last night, and he had a friend over who was on acid, coke, weed, and booze, and he had an ego death moment, obsessed over his own death a while, shit himself, ripped his clothes off, screamed, slammed his head into their mirror and broke the thing into one million pieces or whatever, climbed on the countertop of their kitchen totally naked, screamed about dying more, and ran out of the house to beat a cop up and steal his car and drive it 5 miles out into a car with 2 people in it. there is a video.

needless to say he is traumatized, his friend is in the trauma unit, the people he crashed into are in the trauma unit, no one is going to come out of this even half okay.

hearing that, and the thing with her mom insulting me behind my back (not new but it sucks and this is the worst it's ever gotten), today is kind of a stupid nightmare. but i feel okay basically. i was more pissed earlier and my gf left a drink in the laundromat, she mentioned it in the car ride to the grocery store, and i said "another one of today's disappointments" and her mom said something and we just said it had nothing to do with her, the statement. maybe that sucked of me. whatever, kind of. i don't like being mean but how else is she supposed to take the hint that she is being not a good or even likeable person when she acts like this, and is only being delusional when she believes she's in the right.

and i totally am grateful she drives us around to help us run our errands, she doesn't have to but, like, she does it because she thinks she's going to get payment from it some day, and she also does this because literally, i hate to bring it to him again, but she has fantasies of her daughter going on bill maher or cnn, and hoping her daughter would agree with anything she says in her head, she'd get to finally have her genius thoughts spat out in the most meaningless information streams the general public are exposed to, hoping her daughter will be an 'expert' that can be used by the media to bludgeon people with basically because they are wrong and she would, being her daughter and hopefully (but in actuality she disagrees with her entirely) agree with her, and prove that she, ******a, is right about everything. she would like to reduce her daughter that she has beaten, manipulated, called an accident, into a mouth piece and robs her of herself totally in her daydreams. a miserable excuse for a parent. i am grateful though. i try to like her. sometimes she is a very kind woman, or she makes the effort which counts i guess, but my gf is beyond ever being convinced that she really is nice, rightfully so, i'm just on my way there, i am going to lay down in a sea on the other end of some mountains and let the sea take me away, the wash whispering oh well a million times over.

some people only have ressentiment. that's how her mother is. the wasted life. she hates that i don't work because hard work is all that matters, she doesn't see the ways i work hard but all her hard work has given her is arthritis and misanthropy.

i should put some images here about this vague malaise.

yanase masamu - a length of capitalist's drool.

combatwoundedveteran - this is not an erect all-red neon body

mark mccoy - wound

hans bellmer - la poupee

ilona jurgiel (idk if she called this anything, striking though)

jean cocteau (tragically i do not know where this is from, making me feel stupid, but it strikes me right now as meaningful).

i don't know if these images connect at all really for anyone else but they are pretty things to adorn myself with, little resonant chimes that harmonize with right now distantly, or maybe in detuned 5ths, some kind of gamelan tonal array.

i always feel like anything where someone has their guts out though, re: mark mccoy + the cwv album cover.

anwayssssssssss ughhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhh:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kaileeandag]

All About Clarissa-As Told by Clarissa!

Um, h-hi. My name's Clarissa and when my story begins, I'm 14 years old (I'm 16 as of 8/10/2023.) I'm the oldest child of three, having a younger brother, Ben, and a younger sister, Freydis. They're twins, but Ben is older by about two minutes.

I was named after my deceased paternal grandma Clarissa, who passed away in 1996. My paternal grandpa Clarence has remarried since then, but he says he didn't date again until 2008, when he began dating my grandma Karen. Don't worry, grandma Karen is cool.

When I was 3 months old, grandpa Clarence noticed that for some reason, I didn't want to be snuggled and I'd scream if he tried. He felt something was wrong, so he called my parents to say he was taking me to the hospital. It turned out that I had something called Bacterial Meningitis. That means the Meninges, the three membranes that line the skull and vertebral canal and enclose the brain and spinal cord, were inflamed. It's a good thing he got me to the hospital in time because the doctor said if he didn't, I wouldn't be here right now. The only thing that happened afterward is that I lost all hearing in my right ear. I wear a hearing aid, but my parents are trying to see if I qualify for a Cochlear Implant. No more hearing aid if I'm able to!

Back to my story. When I start my freshman year, a lot of kids make fun of me for being part Asian. Of course, most of them get the type of Asian I am wrong, thinking I'm either Chinese or Japanese. Many of them say racist things to me and it makes me pretty sad. When I told my family I wanted to quit school, they weren't surprised that it was due to bullying. My uncles Thomas and Kyle, my dad's younger brothers, said words hurt more than any physical wounds and they are still hurt by mean things kids said to them when they were young.

After telling everyone that some of my brother and sister's friends are being teased as well for their Asian heritage, my maternal grandpa Hyun-jik suggested that I do a big project about Asia. So, I got to work and gathered a lot of information about some Asian countries like the Koreas, China, Japan, and Indonesia. I also included info about Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand since there's some people of those heritages in town.

Okay, onto something a bit better. A year before the pandemic, my family went to Seoul. I was happy to see there was still Toys R Us out there, so naturally we had to go. I bought a Mimi doll (she's more or less the South Korean Barbie equivalent) and some other cool stuff, like Secret Jouju toys and some Korean language Pokemon cards.

My family also went to a big amusement park in Yongin called Everland-they even have a wooden roller coaster! It's called T Express and I am proud to say I rode it five times in one day! Later on, I found out that T Express is the tallest wooden roller coaster in the world. How cool!

There were also a lot of vendors selling food out of stalls or carts. I tried a pancake like treat called Hotteok. It comes with a variety of fillings, but I chose green tea. It was delicious! I also tried Tornado Potatoes, which is a whole potato that has been spiral cut and put on a skewer, but not before being brushed with a variety of seasonings like onion, cheese, or honey. I guess there was a honey butter boom in Korea sometime in the mid 2010s. I also tried Gyreran-ppang for the first time. It's basically an oblong pancake with a whole egg inside, but it can be topped with things like chopped parsley and diced ham.

Overall, South Korea was fun!

Anyway, I have a project to make, so I have to sign off.

annyeonghi gasipsio!

That's a formal way to say 'goodbye' in Korean, by the way.

#american girl #american girl dolls #american girl doll #american girl fan character #american girl oc

[indiasredlipsticklook]

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and you’re afraid of stupidity. You’re afraid that you are stupid because you did take that test and you scored below average.

And then you decided to try to reach into eighth grade confidential records, and you could not get into the material you wanted to and neither could your trashy children

And basically Mark when you and your trashy tribe, are that obsessed with me you should know it’s because I’m brilliant and you’re a piece of dumb trash

Anyway, we’re also going to see a lot more nurses and therapists killing themselves. I think this century we will probably have to keep hiring new people very often in the medical world.

And perhaps that is the right thing anyway, to have people new all the time

Yeah, all those white motherfuckers knew

Well, they will be wearing a lot of new strange things because whether white people in America want to believe it or not, China owns every one of us and if China doesn’t own us I promise you, Saudi Arabia does

Sorta

Y’all

Not me

Oh my gosh Rebecca, how could you do that you mean you knew that white people were absolutely going to all go to hell all of that time

And what do you mean we can read each other’s minds

White people can’t do it, though they only lie like Lois

Yeah exactly and then they use some assholes help sometimes if they have that option mostly though trash trash trash all across the board I kind of think it’s funny that Mark is as useless as he is white privilege my ass

You and your daughter can both kiss my ass

Do I need charity or do you because I already have a very bad feeling about your whole tribe and it’s not in my hands oh honey what tribe I’m already gonna lose almost everything. What do you really have to throw at me Cunt more technology abuse all because you don’t want me to tell People that you’re fucking your daddy that’s why you stay at home eat in chicken, right

Anyway, I find out if the daughter is innocent or if she’s a daddy fuck her and if she needs help get her out of that household into a healthy place and if she is a plagiarist, kill her, chop her up in a little bitty pieces and send her to your doctor friend in Saudi Arabia

I think that I am more influential then I give myself credit for

Than

I may have been more influential without as many anger threats, but I am still influential, and I am still a lot more influential than Mark or his trashy tribe

Sweetheart I didn’t have to try you guys all did the work for me Dennis and everybody at the country club knows that I didn’t have to do a goddamn thing

Awe

That’s a pretty desperate attempt you’re not keeping anything of mine and I don’t really care if all of you are murdered

Because Kanye West has gotten my letter and he knows about all the white supremacy, pizza, small penises, and white supremacy paste ass bitches

Oh yeah, she wanted to be the new German

I’m really tired of all that trashy nonsense. There’s a reason you guys are not savoury people

[blue-mood]

04.12.2022

Yes. I'm back already. I have things to get off my chest. The one person I usually talk to, stop talking to me because I called him out on his childish behaviour. The other person I sometimes talk to is absent and hasn't really been replying to anything. This is going to be all over the place so get ready...

I wonder what other's think of me sometimes you know? And if you've read my posts before, you know that that isn't very surprising. Surprise! Social anxiety is at your door. But jokes aside. You know, I'm 22-year-old asian guy, with no social life or anything exciting to give to others. My social skills are so deteriorated that I can't even have normal daily interactions. I am so used to being myself that I can't seem to pretend to be someone else, just to attract them into my life. I know that being yourself is good, but who are we trying to fool? We all know that "fake it 'till you make it" is an actual thing. We don't just say it to be inspirational or spread false positivity. We integrated this into society as an actual standard.

Well, anyways. What triggered my emotions and thoughts was a trip downstairs. Not just today, but on multiple occasions. I can see how easy it is for some people to befriend others. There was this Canadian dude that got into the elevator earlier and immediately greeted another guy who was also in there. Then, on the trip back to my flat I saw him again with a new group of people (Americans I suppose) who he had just befriended (Well, I'm guessing. But they were still introducing themselves or getting to know each other). It just reminded me how easy it is really for some people to make friends. But then I also thought about my characteristics and why nobody approaches me. For one thing, I'm Chinese. I know you might think ethnicity doesn't have much to do with it, but it does (and you would also notice from observation alone. At least in the UK.). I used to think that not having a lot of asian people around was bad, but I actually miss it. You know why? Because when you're the only different one, people can either make you an outcast or they will befriend you (that is what happened up until high school, when I used to live in my small hometown in Italy). However, when there's more of us, they usually expect us to befriend each other and they will never approach us. They usually have these assumptions, that we cannot speak English or that we're brainwashed by the Communist party (which is a very narrow-minded thought of course, because, HELLO, not every Chinese individual comes from China...) or that we are just so culturally unequal that it would be weird to be friends or that we only befriend other Chinese people. I will admit that I have an RBF so I might look unapproachable to begin with, but that has also been my protective measure against hate crime. It doesn't help that Chinese people here in the UK actually only hang out with other Chinese people. That has been one of the worst things. I know that a lot of Chinese people immigrated here from China, so they might feel more comfortable with other Chinese people. But at the same time, it makes non-Chinese people think that we don't want to be friends with them. It just makes me so mad. I guess that being an asian person from a small town in Italy kind of forced me to have a mixed friend group, so I am used to being friends with people no matter the ethnicity or cultural background (that is, if we align on morals). But here I just feel like another Chinese dude expected to be friends with Chinese people. I don't have any connection to Chinese culture and I spent almost my entire life talking shit about it even. I don't like their mentality or the way things work there. The culture and whatever. I have relatives there and it's always heavy spending time with them, because I have to pretend to be someone I'm not. And here goes my identity crisis. I've been in a constant state of identity crisis since middle school. I don't feel like I belong with Chinese people or Italian people (and also, Chinese people usually label me as a foreigner so that makes me feel even more frustrated...). I do feel like it's easier to just talk to Italian people (in Italy). But then you come to a multi-ethnic country where the expectations are just so out-of-place and weird. So you know, having this dichotomy and people having uneducated expectations of me deduced from my ethnicity is just frustrating. I can't just go around with a shirt saying "YALL BEFRIEND ME I AM CHINESE BUT I AM FROM ITALY PLEASE LOOK AT ME I CAN SPEAK FLUENT ENGLISH AND ITALIAN HELP". I don't even know..

I have been seeing a lot of "inspirational" reels on instagram, and one that kind of irritated me was one that said something like "Go out there and do stuff. You know? What's the worst that can happen? Nothing! [...]". I know it comes from a good place in people's hearts but it really does nothing. How can you expect people who have suffered from unsolicited aggression/violence (physical or emotional) and other traumatic events to just "do stuff", and to expect "nothing" to happen if things go awry? Not all of us have the privilege of thinking that way. I know that a lot of people who have probably been through similar paths sometimes end up adopting this mentality, and it's completely valid. It doesn't make your pain any lesser. But you cannot expect everyone to heal the same way or to have had their mentalities or brains affected the same way your brain was by your own traumas. Trauma changes how we think, but it is personal to our own perceptions and how we lived the experience. I cannot possibly think that the worst thing that will happen to me is "nothing" because I am an "expert" at picking up non-verbal social cues and I can tell you that when nothing happens, to me it feels worse. Also, as a victim of bullying, I cannot think that nothing will happen even if I tried to consciously do that. I was bullied because I was "too quiet and calm". That was their reasoning. So, I am sorry if now I feel like I don't have the right to even exist. That using the elevator feels like I am using somebody's bed, or that me being outside feels like I am invading somebody's personal space. I am sorry if I feel like my existence feels like I'm taking up resources from others that I don't deserve. And it's not like I feel like I don't deserve anything. Because, for example, if I work hard on a coursework, I do feel like I deserve a good grade. But that's about it. Only if there's a balance that involves me suffering, I'll feel like I deserve it.

I can't seem to see past my race/ethnicity and that leads me to believe that other people can't do that either. There was one morning that I just had to let this thought out so that it wouldn't just fade away:

"20.11.22 6:08AM

Something that I’ve been forever been traumatised by is the fact that people cannot see past my ethnicity/race. That’s always going to be the first thing in their minds and the first thing they see. Whether it is in a positive light or not, it’s always going to bother me (due to all the bad past experiences I’ve had). And it becomes one of my biggest insecurities when I have to deal with relationships platonic or romantic with white people or people who are not really part of a minority group. I feel like an outsider and weird and scrutinised constantly and I feel like everyone has these stereotypes and prejudices about me which really weigh me down. Even if nobody really says anything, or might not even think about these things about me, I still get very down about it and end up thinking the other person does not really want to have anything to do with me."

I don't really know what I am trying to get at. I am just lonely.

I feel like nobody wants to befriend me, and I don't have the strength or what it takes to overcome my anxiety. I don't have friends or people to hang out with. I talk to myself more than half of the times. When I see friends and couples, I always see the patterns of their characteristics (race, personality and how well they fit into the social norms). It always ends up to be the same people who are able to find friends or partners. I am not saying that it's wrong or that they don't deserve it. Please don't twist my words. I am just self-pitying and wallowing in my own suffering. I am self-deprecating. That's mostly what this is. And I don't have the inner will to do anything about it. Well, I want to do something about it, but then I can't. It's like being chained to a wall. When you get used to the chains you don't feel them anymore, and one day, you might wake up thinking you're free until the chains pull you back and you're reminded that you're still stuck and that nobody's gonna come and save you. It's gonna have to be yourself, somehow.

I don't know how to conclude this post, but that's pretty much it! I hope you're having a good day and I'll be back soon probably.

#mental health #friendships #relationships #diary #life update #loneliness #minority stress

[trashyjester]

Soooo "random theory from my stupid mind for I will die for" time

I wanted to say this from some time to be honest and with the latest chapters that come out now I think it's the right time.

Sorry in advance for my English, this isn't my first langue so probably I will make some mistakes.

So, let's talk about Lau.

For me honestly Lau is not human, because, like we say in my city, "a little' is fine but some things do not sound right to me".

To begin; the fact that he is still handsome young after the time has passed anyway...he just changed his haircut. Then again, he has not quite normal fighting skills.

I think that we tend to forget that Lau is physically quite strong as well, mostly because he always takes Ran-Mao everywhere with him and she’s the one we see fight more, but in fact Lau is fast, precise and deadly. He showed us that he can certainly take care of himself without problems.

One of the ‘running gags’ we are used to see in the comics is that Lau often would act as if he knew precisely what was going on only to later ask. I always thought it was a hint that Lau knew more that he revealed. He just really enjoy playing dumb when he is, in fact, more then fully aware of the situation.

I actually think thay he even knows about Seb being an actual demon. For me he totally knows it. He doesn't even try to hide that fact.

Then he seems to have a kind of "sixth sense", but I don't know if it's just instinct or something more due to particular powers.

In addition, some characters also seem particularly uncomfortable or alert with him

Lau sure is not a Shinigami because his eyes are not green, maybe he is not a devil like Sebastian, but for me he could very well be a demon from the Chinese culture. In Japan the fox demons, the kitsune, are only women, but in China the legend also takes into account men:

unlike a kitsune or kumiho, which tend to take the form of a beautiful woman, a huli jing can appear as a woman or a man who is either young or old. The huli jing often presents as a beautiful young woman set on seduction, but it can also take the form of a charming young man or a wise elder. When a huli jing appears in a human disguise, it’s safe to assume that it’s up to no good.

Lau's character and his ways of dealing with people personally remind me a lot of a fox. Even the features of his face in a certain sense recall the features of the muzzle of a fox (in the best possible sense).

Also, this is probably just stupid but "All spirit foxes, whether huli jing, kitsune, or kumiho, are afraid of dogs." And when they were searching for Soma "servant-girl" he didn't show up to take care of the enemies till Sebastian made the dogs run away. Maybe it was just for not having too much trouble or to avoid fighting (even if he totally has the skill to easily overcome some dogs lmao) but it catched my eyes

Also, even Ran-Mao is a bit suspicious to mee. Her character and her behaviour reminds me a lot of a cat and even Lau called her "cat" in one occasion. Maybe it was just a metaphor, but we are in Black Butler and rarely Yana put something inside her story "just because yes". Then, beside her behaviour and her character, there is the fact that Ran-Mao also is super strong, fast and nimble. She is dangerous af. The only other person that we know being this strong without divine help or without being a occult creature is Finnian, and they literally did experiment on him to make him like that.

He doesn’t really needs a bodyguard after all, even though it might still be one of her roles.

Lau very probably has a strong and affectionate bond with her, so she might just be around because they’re close and maybe it's also because they are both not human. Maybe she is a Māoyòu (Chinese version of Nekomata). Ran-Mao name also literally means “Blue Cat”.

C'mon... This man is totally not human for me. If I am really right about him like I was back then about The Twins theory... Well... I will be fucking happy since Lau is one of my fave characters in this Manga (I didn't say Alois just bcs he's only in the anime).

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #yana toboso #Lau #Lau kuroshitsuji #Kuroshitsuji theory #manga #manga theory #ran mao #ciel phantomhive #sebastian michaelis #chinese folklore #kitsune #Nekomata #Demon #black butler manga #fan theory