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svgurl410 · 3 years

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Can't help it I want to send you another one - Clark/Oliver for #8 Roommates (oh my god they were Roommates 😏) Also dealer's choice but I would not complain if Lois found her way in this too lol 👀

Haha send as many as you want! As long as you're willing to accept that I can be a very slow writer. XD Also, by found her way into this, you mean took over, right? Because that's definitely what happened.

Send me a ship and a number

clark/lois/oliver. ~2.5 k. Same age/college AU- they're all graduating soon and Clark's afraid of losing the two people he loves the most.

“Smallville, you are an angel.”

“You probably say that to anyone who gives you caffeine, so I won’t let the praise go to my head,” Clark said, dryly, moving to give Oliver his own cup of coffee, before settling down on the couch, with his own mug.

“Nah,” Oliver drawled from his spot on the armchair, his laptop on his thighs, as he shifted forward, to pick up the cup. “I think angel is a good description.”

Clark rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny that the words still resided deep in his heart.

“Besides, normal people don’t make coffee like this,” Lois pointed out.

“Considering how much you’ve had today, can you even tell the difference at this point?” Clark challenged, looking pointedly at the clock, which declared it almost 1 am. “Sleep is probably better for you than another cup.”

“Please, don’t insult me- I am an expert in all things coffee,” Lois proclaimed, from the other end of the couch, as she shifted her sock covered feet to rest in Clark’s lap. He was all too used to her antics at this point, and just let them linger. Besides, he couldn’t deny how much he liked her open affection. Both her’s and Oliver’s really. “Anyway, I’m almost done with this paper and then I can call it a night. Two more finals and we’re done for good.”

Oliver repeated the sentiment with obvious enthusiasm, neither noticing how much work it took for Clark’s face not to fall.

Two more finals … and they were done.

Clark should be excited. He was graduating from college, with a degree in journalism, ready to stop studying and start a career that he was passionate about.

But as he looked between Lois and Oliver, as they all resided in Clark and Oliver’s apartment (and Lois was there so often she was practically their third roommate), preparing for finals week, all he could feel was dread.

Dread, because the sooner they were done, the sooner he would lose them.

Two of the most important people in his life, the ones he was so used to seeing on a daily basis … who also happened to be the two people he was desperately, hopelessly in love with … they would just be gone.

Sure, Lois and he were both planning on journalism as a career, but the field was so competitive that the chances they landed in the same state, much less the same city or paper were slim. As far as Oliver went, he would move back to Star City, where he would take over as the CEO he was destined to be.

Clark would be lying if he said he hadn’t looked up jobs at the Star City Gazette, but just because they would be in the same city didn’t mean that they would see one another.

It wouldn’t be the same at all. And Clark, who had always struggled with change, found he wasn’t ready for this one.

These thoughts had been plaguing him, especially the past few weeks, no matter how hard he tried not to think about it. He could too easily picture how their lives would unfold post graduation. Maybe they would see each other now and then but growing apart was almost a certainty. Soon, communication would slow down, as they fell into their own lives and they would see each other at a reunion or maybe he would get invited to one or both of their weddings (perhaps to each other- he had felt the chemistry and was still truly surprised they never dated).

One day, he would just be ‘their old friend from college, Clark’, and the idea made him sick.

But it seemed that he wouldn’t have a choice. He didn’t know how to stop the changes he knew were coming.

Fingers snapped in front of his face, and brought him out of his gloomy thoughts.

“Smallville!” Lois said, and he looked over to meet her frowning face. “Are you listening?”

“No,” he admitted. “Sorry, I got caught up in my thoughts. What were you saying?”

“We were saying that we should have a big celebration, when we’re done,” Oliver answered, expression unreadable as his gaze was focused on Clark.

“Think we can get Clark over to a club?” Lois asked, with a cheeky smile.

Clark grimaced, causing them both to laugh.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Lois finished.

“I mean, I guess we could try-” Clark started, thinking back to Lois’s 21st birthday the previous year. That place hadn’t been that bad.

“Nah,” Lois said, waving her hand. “I was joking. We’ll find something for the three of us. One thing is for certain- this summer, we are doing that road trip!”

“Can’t I just fly us to wherever you want to go?” Oliver asked, wrinkling his nose, and setting his laptop down on the coffee table.

“Silence, rich boy, this is about the journey, not the destination,” Lois declared, causing Clark to let out a small chuckle.

“The journey to see the World’s Biggest Coffee Cup?” Oliver said skeptically, but Clark could see the twinkle in his eye and knew he was just messing around.

Lois knew it too, from her expression. “That’s part of it!”

“I’m putting my foot down at renting an RV,” Oliver warned. “And I don’t care what you say - I am paying for a hotel. We are not sleeping at the nearest, cheapest roadside dump you find.”

“You are going to have to get over what happened in Austin eventually,” Lois complained.

“I saw things that I will never forget,” Oliver said darkly.

“Spoiled.”

“Guilty.”

“Now, now, children, play nice,” Clark teased, head moving back to rest against the couch.

“This is not the time to be the rational one, Clark,” Oliver insisted. “You know I’m right. You don’t want to be sharing a room with the cockroaches any more than I do.”

“They aren’t very considerate roommates and they refuse to even chip in for the bill,” Clark acknowledged, causing Lois to pout. “But that doesn’t mean you can book us all the Ritz, Oliver. We’ll find something reasonable.”

“Fine, fine, have it your way,” Oliver said fondly.

“It could be fun though,” Clark said, smiling wistfully. “One last trip.”

“Yeah, and then we’re off to work,” Lois agreed. “I’ve been looking up jobs- both the Star City Gazette and the Sentinel have multiple openings, and I talked to someone in HR there, and they are expected to have at least two more in the upcoming months. What do you think, Clark?”

“Me?” Clark asked, eyebrows furrowing, confused. “Of what?”

“Of Star City,” Lois replied. “Unless you want to be back in Metropolis, so you can be closer to home. The Daily Planet doesn’t seem to have any openings right now though, and well, Ollie is obligated to be in Star City for the time being, but who knows in the future, right?”

Oliver nodded. “Yeah, I am going to be traveling a lot anyway and for the first few years I have to be in Star City, but Metropolis could eventually be an option. Besides, if you both end up in Star City, you can just stay with me.”

Clark tried to keep up with the conversation, but it felt like he was lagging behind and wasn’t sure how to make headway.

Lois swung her feet off his lap and he missed the touch immediately. She let out a long yawn, rubbing her eyes. “Oh, it is way too late to be talking about this, but we do need to start planning our future soon.”

“Our future,” Clark echoed, dazed. “As in the three of us.”

“Obviously,” Lois said, standing up and stretching. “What, did you think we’re just going to go our separate ways after graduation?”

“Yes.”

The answer was out before he could think about it, and Lois stopped in her movements, turning to him, eyes wide and mouth turned downward. As he looked over at Oliver, he saw his friend looked surprised and hurt.

“Do you … want to go our separate ways after graduation?” Oliver asked, tone uncharacteristically cautious, and expression blank once more. Clark found he really hated that look, the one where he couldn’t immediately understand what Oliver was thinking and feeling.

“I thought that was what you guys would want,” Clark explained hurriedly.

“But all we’ve done is talk about ‘we’ and ‘us’ in the past when we were talking about our next move,” Lois pointed out, sitting down again, this time right next to him.

Sure, but he didn’t think they meant it. Didn’t think they had included him in their plans. Why would they? Clark wasn’t the one who was considered; he was the one people tended to leave behind.

“We’re not leaving you behind, Clark,” Oliver said tightly, and that was when he realized he had said that out loud. His face turned red, cheeks feeling hot, and he dropped his face, eyes focused on his feet, which shuffled awkwardly against the wooden floors, brushing against the rug under the coffee table.

His throat was tight, and he couldn’t form the words if he wanted to.

“Clark.” There was Lois, her arm on his shoulder, and he leaned into her touch. “How could we ever leave you behind? Did you really believe we don’t care about you at all?”

“I guess I didn’t think about it,” Clark muttered, finding his voice.

Lois lightly punched him in the shoulder. “You made two big mistakes, Smallville: you fed us and took us home with you to meet your parents. You’re stuck with us now. Deal with it.”

“Really?” He couldn’t stand how insecure he sounded, but couldn’t help it.

Oliver got up and sat down on the arm of the sofa, leaning against Clark for stability.

“Obviously,” Oliver said firmly. “And while we’re on the topic, we’re not talking platonic bonds here either, just so we’re clear. I’m crazy about you. Lois is too. Getting rid of us now is basically impossible. You’re going to have to change your name and go into hiding or something.”

“You never said anything,” Clark murmured.

“Well, there was no right time to ask, ‘hey, Clark, what are your thoughts on a polyamorous relationship’?” Lois said, one side of her mouth lifting up. “We have a good idea that you felt the same, but we didn’t want to risk losing you. Figured it could come up on the road trip.”

“And you both have talked about this?” Clark asked, looking between them, wondering how much they had decided.

“Only once,” Oliver assured him. “Just to confirm that we were on the same page. You’re harder to read than you think.”

“So, are we?” Lois asked hopefully. “On the same page?”

How could he say anything but yes? The idea that he could get everything he wanted, everything he thought he never could have was still a little mind boggling, but he wasn’t dumb enough to miss the gift that was basically being handed to him.

“Yeah, I mean, I care about … both of you,” he admitted. “I just didn’t think you felt the same.”

“Oh, there are some strong feelings there,” Lois promised. “And if neither of you mind, I would really like to kiss Clark. Do you know how distracting that mouth has been? It’s not even fair.”

Oliver let out a loud laugh and Clark could only watch Lois as she came closer, and he didn’t stop her as she kissed him, and he returned the kiss with equal passion, and when they parted a few moments later, he was grinning, the taste of Lois’s mouth one he never wanted to do without again.

“How was it?” Oliver asked, leaning forward.

Lois licked her lips. “Amazing. You should try it.”

Clark turned his head toward Oliver and Oliver watched him, hand lifting up to caress Clark’s cheek.

“Can I?” he asked quietly, warm brown eyes searching Clark’s own.

Clark stared at his friend and roommate, thinking of how far they had come over the years, and all the not quite friendly fantasies he had been having about him almost as long, and how he wanted more than anything for Oliver to kiss him. Had wanted that, and more for ages.

So he didn’t reply, instead surging forward to meet Oliver halfway and as their lips connected, Clark felt at home. He could hear Lois whistle and he smiled into the kiss. Oliver was just as good a kisser as Lois, and Clark wrapped a hand around Ollie’s neck, tugging him closer and Oliver fell right onto Clark’s lap, the two of them resting their foreheads against each other even when they separated.

“Now that is a show I wouldn’t mind seeing more of,” Lois chipped in.

Catching his breath, he looked at Oliver and Lois. “Aren’t you two going to kiss?” he realized.

“Why? Do you want to watch, Smallville?” Lois asked, but her eyes were on Oliver. “Secret exhibition kink? Here I thought you were a boy scout.”

“Not so much,” Clark retorted. “And something tells me you don’t mind putting on your own show.”

“Plus, his hand is currently on my ass, so I’m guessing not a boyscout,” Oliver remarked.

“Problem?” Clark countered, letting his hand stay where it was, and Oliver shook his head.

“Not a single one.”

“And who can blame him,” Lois offered. “So, what do you say, Ollie?”

Clark held his breath as Lois and Oliver leaned in and shared a long, deep kiss. He had never been a big fan of PDA, uncomfortable with public displays, but this? This was definitely the exception. To say he wouldn’t mind seeing more was an understatement.

“Huh, why did we wait so long to do this?” Lois wondered afterwards.

“Clearly, we’re idiots,” Oliver responded instantly.

“Have you two really never kissed before?” Clark asked, not feeling resentful or jealous, just genuinely curious and surprised; it was amazing what requited feelings could do. “But I thought you said you talked …”

“Only talked,” Oliver interrupted. “We were waiting for you.”

“Oh.”

“Finally get it now?” Lois asked, but she sounded kind. “We’re not letting you go.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

His heart filled with a mix of love and joy, gaze darting between the two of them, and he couldn’t imagine being happier. Lois rested her head on Clark’s shoulder, her hand coming up to entwine with Ollie’s, who seemed quite content sitting on Clark.

He loved them; somehow, they both loved him along with each other.

And he definitely got it.

Clark was suddenly very much looking forward to the future.

#clarkenting #answered asks #my fanfiction #clark x lois x oliver #clark/lois/oliver #clark kent #lois lane #oliver queen #smallville

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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camelotpark

Purity culture is their buzzword to absolve themselves of any responsibility.

Exactly!

Like, can people PLEASE take five seconds to stop and reflect on the implications of framing objections to THINGS THAT DO HARM AND LEAVE SURVIVORS like incest, pedophilia, rape, racialized and homophobic and transphobic trauma....as being....Puritanical.

I don’t care if someone’s never before thought to look at that too closely, like please just stop and take a minute right now and just THINK about that. Examine the message it sends if say, a csa survivor is uncomfortable with the way people talk about and interact in glowing, voyeuristic ways with fic that closely mirrors their own personal traumas, only to derisively hear everyone around them, even friends, say that the only reason to object to even wholly exploitative handling of super sensitive material is just.....an obsession with Puritanism.

Its the false binary that kills me most of all. The way we’re so often characterized as being the ones incapable of seeing the world in shades of gray, that we’re the ones insisting things are all or nothing......when its the very people overriding our every criticism of lazily or offensively handled content who REDUCE us to that fake binary in order to shift the goalposts of our every attempted conversation. They’re the ones who pair criticisms of even the most sensitive content with like.....anything that’s even SUPERFICIALLY on the same wavelength, and so saying you’re anti-pedophilia and incest gets you labeled as some button-up wannabe youth pastor from the 1950s as though there’s no possible distinction to be made between sexual content and sexual content that springs entirely from and revolves utterly around sexual PREDATION.

Like, obvsly you know my personal trigger territory is more the realms of incest/rape/pedophilia oh my, and all the trigger warnings and blacklisted tags in the world (and you should SEE the length of my blacklists on tumblr, on Ao3, EVERYWHERE) still don’t stop me from having to see when people hop on my posts about Dick and Jason being brothers and make some crack about how anyone who doesn’t see the ship potential between them is deluding themselves. And its like lololololol, yeah because what if instead of the lulz, you invested a few seconds in thinking about how SUPREMELY unfunny it might be to actual incest survivors to hear it suggested that they’re somehow being regressive for NOT reading sexual tension and chemistry into familial interactions, like the sheer reality of our trauma and our inability to find it a cutesy or laughing matter suggests there’s something WRONG with us, like everyone else is being progressive for reading the very stuff that traumatized us into the stuff we’re trying to NOT read such things into in pursuit of our literal recovery and growth.

And then that thing when people think they’re throwing us a bone with trigger warnings as though half the framing of them isn’t extremely infantilizing and more concerned with protecting an author from anyone saying they’re uncomfortable with the direction they took certain content because “well what were you doing reading it, DIDNT YOU KNOW BETTER, SMH” as though most of us don’t even have to read it to have a simple basic awareness of what direction an author is taking certain content and that being the entire source of our discomfort.

With it of course always in the end circling back to yelling at us ‘some of us care more about real people than ships’ when for instance, you’re critical of a ship on the basis that its incestuous or its most common depictions are rooted in racism or a thousand other things.....as though we’re not real people feeling just as targeted and harassed by the continued and repeated and never-ending insistence that the real problem, the real enemy to fandom in all this is our refusal to just say “nah, this is all fine, you guys just have a good time regardless of whether or not you’re knowingly or even just accidentally layering in and reinforcing stereotypes that actively contribute to and worsen the coping of real live human beings for whom this subject matter isn’t just some abstract play on a stage”......because see, we’ve been written off entirely as radicalized Puritans who just have no real grasp of the INTRICACIES of reality, and we’re oppressing those that do, including the “some survivors who write this to cope” as though they’re the only ones that matter and that its not gross and exploitative as hell for non-survivors to hold them up as a shield or smokescreen in front of other survivors who are saying “okay but what about everyone else writing it who that doesn’t apply to and no we’re not gatekeeping or asking who specifically that is just by acknowledging that yes these authors also exist in general.”

Just....what gets to me is the smug condescension at the heart of saying there’s some kind of sophisticated intellect at work in tackling any kind of content, no matter how personal it is to someone else even while a lot of times being completely abstract and hypothetical to the person tackling it, and saying.....”you taking this personally is a you problem, even though this subject matter is and always will be far more personal for you than it is for me.” The entitlement in telling people who are saying “the immersive toxicity of a lot of fandom in these various regards is detrimental to our fandom experiences” that they’re the ones being toxic for pointing out that not everyone is having a good time as is, that they’re the ones who are entitled for saying they too should have a right to fandom experiences where their traumas are not paraded around as What’s Fashionable This Week while their lived experiences are completely ignored every time they try and point out a flaw in someone’s execution, no not just a flaw, a BARB that’s actively sticking out and pricking everyone in the vicinity who looks at that execution and intimately knows what its like to experience that as more than just an aesthetic.

The willful disregard and HARM involved in wrapping every objection to Fandom As Is in an easily dismissed package they label “Purity Culture” simply because they’ve arbitrarily decided that every objection stems from chasing an unattainable dream of a perfect future even when most of the time its us just trying to EXIST in an imperfect present. Not having a solution doesn’t mean that you can’t still aim for better than. Not having all the answers doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to ask the questions.

And meanwhile, the lie at the heart of it all is they’re the ones that are obsessed with perfection, with purity.....with this idea that fandom is already perfect as is, that its only anyone pointing out otherwise that’s the ACTUAL snake in the garden who needs to be ignored lest they ruin it for everyone else.

#but i mean #I FUCKING DIGRESS #fahslkfhalfhaklfhal

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a-silent-symphony · 4 years

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”I JUST MADE TWO ALBUMS BECAUSE I WANTED THEM” – MEETING MARKO HIETALA

Interview with Marko Hietala – mostly known as bass player and vocalist of Nightwish – while touring to promote his solo album “Pyre of The Black Heart”

I came to learn a bit more about the album he produced in Finnish as well as in English but even more to find out whether or not there is hope to see Tarot [Marco and Zachary Hietala, Janne Tolsa, Tommi Salminen] on stage one day back.

We meet in perhaps the most reknown venue for metal concerts in Switzerland, Z7 in Pratteln near Basel. While Marko’s band mates have their dinner with their friends of Oceanhoarse next door, we’re chatting in a cosy and quiet backstage room.

Speaking with Marko is an experience of its own. The quiet setting is critical here and provides another stage as he is a natural storyteller. There is hardly one word that comes not most consciously intonated in a perfectly chosen emotionality. Unfortunately, it will hardly be possible to translate neither atmospheres nor moods he puts with apparent easiness into his statements so you could experience.

“I know that sign”, mouthes Marko when he takes notice of my shirt. Tarot merch is rarely seen and even less outside of Finland. While still checking the settings of the recording, I begin that already roughly 15 years back I heard or read the first time about his idea to come up with a solo album. – “Probably, yeah. Because it’s been talked now and then on and off. I’s just been writing stuff and then it ends up to the bands that I’ve been playing with and then there is some stuff which have been saving because I figured it would be good. And also some things became so personal that I didn’t give them off. So the solo album, I’d say most of the stuff is written in close to like three years back when we started to work on it. But there are some pieces that go back all those 15 years, maybe even more. I can’t tell for certain because some thing I’ve been saving and some I connected to some newer stuff.”

Listening to “Stones”, my first association was: this is a new Tarot song. But how does Marko see this? “It could perfectly fit on one their albums.” – “Yeah, it could be.” Some other song gave me a similar impression. “Yes, sure, some of them could be,” he replies thoughtful. “But, hmmm?” His voice is very vivid. He uses it like a painter uses colours. This very conscious use of his voice tells the listener when he thinks, when it is easy to reply or how important particular word or even a single syllable is to him. As there is hardly any other noise around us his soft and warm voice fills the atmosphere. A most pleasant atmosphere, actually.

“How do you make up your mind anyway to tell which songs goes where?” – “Well, let’s say that for instance, that “Stones”, the song came after our drummer in Tarot died and after I’m gonna be doing the solo album. So that is how this song came to be there. And there are some elements in the song that we didn’t use that much in Tarot. For instance the kind of a standard-like the riff that goes in the chorus, the whole melody line is like classic Scandinavian or Finnish folk song type of melody which I got put there just for the help of it. Because it got a nice combination as is the Mediterranean guitar or the straight Blues melody.” We laugh as he is getting into such details. “This was a … Yeah, we’re coming to the area where it was …, where this had a lot of freedom to do whatever I wanned. And this was also one of the things why I wanted new guys to play with me and arrange with me in order to find fresh angles.”

Marko Hietala has come to play with numerous well-known faces, musicians he has worked with for many a years. “Yeah, with Vili [Ollila] and Tuomas [Wäinölä] we’ve been doing this Christmas tour thing for ….” – “like 15 years?” – “Yeah, like 15, years since the guys went in the project? I was in some years earlier when they came in and they have been there ever since. Soooo,” he draws the “o” quite long to think, “maybe I have 15 years and they have 12. So long years enough.”

“Absolutely”, I agree. If you have seen Marko on stage with several of his numerous projects you will have noticed the different energies and chemistries working. This might result from the different lineups acting together which results in different chemistries working. But it could point towards differing priorities or degrees of importance to Marko, too. So has any project that outweighs the others? “Oooohhh, this solo stuff became pretty important to me. It’s been growing a band from it that we started as a solo project. We’ve been having these shows and we’ve been having a good time with the guys. So it’s become surprisingly important. But then of course I got the main thing”, laughing he goes on, “which you probably know.” A tad more rational again: “That will always take me around the world. But in the meantime, and what I do in all the off years, I think this solo stuff is probably the most likeliest thing to be something that I’ll be now continuing.” And then he automatically switches to the topic that – to be honest – interests me a little more than the rest: “With Tarot the situation is that since our drummer died we kind of it dropped into a limbo. … There is unfinished music and all that but it hasn’t been …” he pulls the “ee” sound this time to bite some seconds for wording his thoughts. “But it hasn’t been a happy thought to touch it and playing in a Rock’n’Roll band you should have more grin on your face than fry” – “True.” – “No matter how you do it on stage.”

“I see. Naturally it is very, very difficult to go with Tarot now.” – “Yeah, because we played together for so long. Over 30 years! Yeah.” His voices fades before he continues: “So it’s of in a limbo.” He takes another breath. “We have at least some ideas and we could do an album out of them if weeeee …. edited the existing drum tracks and add some drum tracks from the old ones. So weeee’d basically have the same lineup. Buuut – that would be a lot of work!”

Tarot released their last studio album (save for the remastered “Spell Of Iron”, 2011) in early 2010, “Gravity Of Light”, toured in Finland immediately and in the fall of the same year continental Europe with The Man Eating Tree. A tour supporting Pain on another tour was planned soon after that but cancelled. First Tarot dropped out because one band member is severely ill, as they explained back then and soon Pain cancelled, too. There were only very few gigs, Tarot were able to play before their drummer’s, Pecu Cinnari’s disease grew too severe. He died in September 2016.

The topic is an emotional one and I am grateful that Marko spoke of it at all. Sadness still lingers in the air so I decide to move to another topic.

When back in February this year, I met Marko for this interview and to attend his magnificent show, neither him nor me or you had any idea the world was about to go upside down soon and the entire event industry was to implode. What a perfect setting for one of Tarot’s songs?! Those songs leading us into sci fi settings, only this is real and not a scenario written by a black humoured musician prone to dark and gloomy lyrics as Marko Hietala sees himself.

The show that night was one of those you don’t forget easily. Honest to the bone, authentic, vivid, brilliant speaking of the musical expertise on stage. While many shows nowadays are reduced to sort of bringing the album version on stage as close as can be, Marko presented his album and three cover songs in live versions, each perfectly rearranged. Remarkably different from the album. New moods. New angles. And honest. Rearranged to fit the musicians on stage, providing space to show and experience their excellence.

Enjoy some visual impressions and read more in our On-Stage Review here.

Or check out the show in Z7 yourself. The video was recorded during the show that night.

#marko hietala #2020 interviews

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miso-vicious · 4 years

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RWBY Volume 7 Chapter 2 & 3

SPOILERS

Greetings. Due to me staying up for the full 24 hours for Rooster Teeth Extra Life and surviving on 5 hour energy, chocolate, and water, I got real sick. I lost the will to write an analysis of Chapter 2, especially for an episode that was fairly slow, but still full of information. Which is why I will be reviewing both Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 this week. So for like the 20 something people that will skim read this post, strap in. This was a pretty heavy week.

Same as always, this post contains several SPOILERS. Do not read unless you are completely caught up on the show.

Love Will Thaw A Frozen Heart

We had a beautiful reunion between our second favorite sister duo, which was very heart warming, but we still have to wait for the big Schnee reunion.

And now that Ironwood possesses the first Relic, the group now has the upper hand on Salem. Salem has lost her only Maiden, the Spring Maiden is in the wind, and apparently, Ironwood has the Winter Maiden secured and in “stable” condition. According to Qrow, “She’s no spring chicken.” So that must mean that she’s an elderly woman with declining health. That means we’re back to where we were in Volume 3, they have to secure a new vessel for the new Winter Maiden. Either they will take the gamble and hope that whomever the current Winter Maiden chooses to inherit the power gets the power. Or they will do the soul merger machine plan that they tried to force upon Pyrrha. If we were to take a guess as to who would be Ironwood’s Champion, it would have to be Winter. While Penny does have a soul, there’s no telling what would happen to the power if she were to die. The only other person Ironwood trusts just as much as Qrow or Ozpin is Winter. It’s unclear if the machine could transfer the Maiden power to a male host, but that would be an interesting thought.

I Have No Heart, And So I Must Be Very Careful

Now, Irondaddy has been making his own plans since we’ve last seen him. With Ozpin “gone”, Ironwood has been his own moral compass. The embargo and recall of the Atlas military was only the first step of his master plan. Now that the Relic of Knowledge and Creation and the Winter Maiden are secure, the next step is to reestablish communication between the Kingdoms.

By building a new CCT tower on top of Amity Arena, it will act as a form of satellite. It will float above the clouds, higher than any Grimm can reach, and will still provide global communication even if another tower were to be destroyed. The next step is to tell the world about Salem.

That isn’t one the best plans this show has thrown at us. Ozpin has kept Salem a secret for hundreds of years. Beyond keeping his own shameful part of her evil reign a secret, the other reason was because of the inevitable chaos that would occur if the people found out there was this all powerful Goddess out there hell bent on the destruction of the world. But that’s a gamble Ironwood is willing to take apparently! His military are supposed to run damage control once the inevitable chaos breaks out among not only Atlas and Mantle, but the whole world.

Ruby made the executive decision to keep certain truths from Ironwood. Including Ozpin’s true past with Salem, Ozpin’s disappearance, Jinn being out of questions, Salem being allegedly unbeatable, and her Silver Eyes. With good reason, we have no idea what Ironwood would do with this information. Our heroes almost quit after hearing all of this, Ironwood has the world’s strongest army at his disposal. He might have a more violent reaction, and decide to go after Salem with everything he has. Ironwood is already in a volatile state, Dr. Pietro has already testified to his current paranoia. And based on the opening alluding to Jacques Schnee adding fuel to the fire, Ironwood is being manipulated into putting the needs of Atlas above the rest of the world. Of course, he seems completely level headed now. He even gave the Relic back to Ruby, offered them safe harbor in the Academy, and has basically gave them his blessing to be unofficial Huntsmen.

Ironwood even gave Qrow a super awkward hug, like a man who has never been hugged his whole life but has always wanted to try it.

A New Plan

So the next step is to reclaim an abandoned dust mine that has been taken over Grimm. (It’s insinuated that this is the same Schnee Dust Mine cave in that killed several Faunus, including Ilia’s parents). The dust mine will serve as a launch sight for Amity Arena and the dust inside is needed by the science team, until it’s clear, the CCT tower cannot launch. Why that is, why they can’t just find a new launch sight is not made clear. But this is what we have to work with.

That’s when we get our big glow up reveal, and they all look fantastic. Like, Yang’s detachable pant legs, Weiss’ excessive belts, Ruby’s steel toe boots, Blake’s new hair, I am literally living for this.

Now our team is outfitted with new tricked out scrolls. The scrolls track their vitals and aura levels, and are synced up to one another. So everyone can check on each other on the field. And if Ironwood hasn’t outfitted their scrolls with listening devices to eavesdrop on them, I will be severely disappointed in him. In this episode alone, they have talked about literally everything they’re hiding from Ironwood. Imagine all of the recordings of them being thrown back in their face.

One of the moments is between Ruby and Oscar.

Oscar was left behind at the academy, but before they leave, Ruby entrusts the Relic to Oscar. Claiming that it isn’t a good idea to be toting around an ancient Relic on her hip like a key chain. Good point. Oscar decides to let Ruby know that he’s uncomfortable with the idea of lying to Ironwood, saying it’s just like what Ozpin did to them. While the lies will probably blow up in their face, I still feel that Ruby’s hesitation is validated. She doesn’t know Ironwood, or what he will do with the information, or if he will try to claim Jinn’s last question. Only time will tell if Ruby will come forward herself, or if someone else will do it for her.

Team Chemistry

It’s not totally relevant to the plot currently, but there was a lot of onscreen chemistry between some of our team members. I’m sure aaaaaallll the shippers are losing their minds with the Bumbleby scene. Yang gets all flustered over Blake’s new look, and Blake gets all blushy. While I personally ship Blake/Sun, it’s just nice to see some LGBTQ representation. It means a lot.

Of course, Nora is still pining after Ren, who is either completely oblivious, or just isn’t ready to see his surrogate sister as a potential romantic partner, even if he does reciprocate her feelings. Ren isn’t exactly known for being upfront with his feelings. After losing Arkos, I really hope they get together, and not five minutes before one of them dies.

I’m not crazy, right? There was definitely a vibe here. Maybe Clover is just generally a flirty person, but he was sending those flirty vibes towards Qrow.

You Have To Go Inside

The inside of the mine is full of Grimm, but the main target is a Geist. It has already claimed the lives of several Atlesian soldiers.

They follow it down to the deep depths of the mines, where the Geist merges with the surrounding terrain, which includes big chunks of Gravity Dust. Which means that they have to be weary of attacking it, or they could set off the dust in the Geist, which would have a chain reaction and set off the rest of the dust in the mine, effectively killing them.

So Team RWBY, JNR, and Qrow take a back seat and let the ACE ops take over.

It was a great action scene, the ACE ops got to flex their abilities, and the Geist was effectively dealt with. But there was a very interesting scene between Harriet Bree and Ruby Rose. Ruby notes that Harriet’s semblance is speed, just like hers. But when Harriet tries to run and catch a falling shard of dust…

Ruby beats her by an inch. Harriet makes it a point to tell her that Ruby’s semblance is not speed related, but something different. I always assumed that Ruby had two semblances, the first being her Silver Eyes, and the second is her speed, which mirrors her fast paced personality. Perhaps her speed is merely an extension of another power. Only time will tell.

The Scorpion and The Frog

It was revealed in Chapter 2 that Watts and Tyrian have rolled into town. Watts reveals that while the codes have been updated in Atlas, none of it has been updated in Mantle. He easily takes control of all of Mantle security cameras and traffic lights, which is probably only a fraction of the destruction he can cause. And of course, Tyrian is already causing his form of mayhem by killing people. Even in a place like Mantle, he’s gonna raise some red flags. But subtlety was never Tyrian’s strong suit.

Now, Tyrian has tracked down our friend Forrest, a man who was in the police vehicle when the ACE ops apprehended our team last chapter. Forrest, as we know of now, is just a regular guy caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I don’t think Tyrian is going to care very much. Killing him after finding what limited information he has is just gravy.

Yaaaaaaas, Queen

Now, onto our team’s upgrades.

Aside from Ruby’s more aerodynamic look, Crescent Rose also got an upgrade. It probably has been a long time since this fine weapon has had some fine tuning, what with Ruby always being on the road. And since Ruby makes all her upgrades herself, and it’s only been one episode, the only visual change to Crescent Rose is it is now able to rotate its scythe. Thus giving Ruby one less step to do when slaying Grimm. And the fact that the haircut is slightly reminiscent of bird feathers, much like her uncle’s hair, is so cute.

Weiss is looking like a fucking Winter Queen with her new look. If she doesn’t at some point use that ponytail braid as a weapon to slay Grimm, it would be such a waste. I don’t even care that she has so many unnecessary belts, she looks fire. Aside from her new outfit, Myrtenaster does not seem to have any visual upgrades. Since most of her fighting technique comes from her semblance, I’m looking forward to see if she develops any new skills. Especially now that Winter, her mentor, and Weiss are back together again.

Now that Blake has liberated the White Fang from Adam’s tyranny, as well as conquered some personal demons, Blake has undergone a big change. She chopped off her beautiful long hair, and now has a cute bob. It’s most likely symbolic of her being ready to stop hiding who she is and being more open with people. She also has a newly fixed Gambol Shroud, which has a very noticeable gold streak where the blade was once broken. I’m sure that the scientists could have rebuilt Gambol Shroud with no evidence that it was ever broken in the first place. Meaning that this was a cosmetic change that Blake specifically requested. Again, Bumbleby shippers have been waiting years for actual evidence of Blake and Yang’s feelings for one another. Good for them.

Of course, Yang is living her truth. She is wearing a jumpsuit with detachable pant legs and an aviator jacket. Now I feel the overwhelming urge to buy pants with detachable pant legs. Her prosthetic arm has gotten an upgrade too, now fitted with a matching Ember Celica, balancing out her whole look. But that wasn’t the only thing she got done.

Ember Celica is now capable of releasing small bombs, which Yang can activate from a safe distance. Of course, that means that Yang is toting around bombs on her wrists. Hopefully that doesn’t become a problem.

I went into what Jaune’s upgrades would be last time, but now we’ve seen him in action. His shield, Crocea Mors, now acts as a make shift para-glider, can expand to an even larger shield, and can release shock waves that can knock back large Grimm. Crocea Mors also magnetically attaches to his forearm, much like Pyrrha’s shield did. Ren’s dual pistols, Storm Flower, now has the ability to shoot the blades that are now attached cables, giving Ren the power to move more aerodynamically. There are no visual changes to Nora’s weapon, Magnhild, please leave a comment if I missed something there.

Aces Wild

Clover Ebi, he wields a sort of fishing rod that doubles as a hook sword. His semblance is Good Fortune, the exact opposite of Qrow’s semblance. Good things happen around him. Which did make me suspicious as to how his missed the Geist when he seems to have no problem aiming that fancy fish hook. Maybe it was simply a way to bring up his semblance, or he missed on purpose. Why? Maybe to allow his team an opportunity to flex their abilities and instill the fact that they’re supposed to be the good guys and can be trusted.

Harriet Bree, rocking the classic All Might bunny ear hair style, wears robotic gauntlets to fight hand to hand. But her main feature is her speed semblance. She runs so fast, she is literally charged full of electricity. She ran fast enough catch a falling piece of dust all the way on the other side of the cave, and delivered the final blow to the Geist. She is most likely based off of the Hare from the Tortoise and the Hare.

Vine Zeki, a more mysterious member of the ACE ops. He seems to be the no nonsense type, and doesn’t lay his cards on the table. He currently wields no weapons, relying on his semblance. He is able to project his aura and create elongated arms and hands. Very useful for getting around or holding onto struggling prey.

Elm Ederne, a very overzealous woman, who seems to have good intentions. She immediately befriends Ruby once the dust settles on their fight last chapter, and compliments Team JNR a few times too. She wields a giant hammer, and her semblance appears to be being able to literally plant herself like a tree. Her aura wraps around her feet and attaches to the ground beneath her, making her a somewhat immovable object. For a powerhouse like Elm, I’m sure her semblance makes her a tough opponent to fight.

Marrow Amin, a dog type Faunus who likes to put up a tough front but seems to actually be more puppy than wolf. Being the only Faunus on this elite team, I’m sure that he’s barely tolerated by the Atlas aristocrats. He is astutely aware of how his species are treated as subhuman, and are dispensable to the people in Atlas. But that doesn’t seem to affect his ability to do his duty. Marrow’s weapon is some sort of chainsaw boomerang-rifle. It does not obey the laws of physics. Nor does Marrow obey the laws of time. His semblance seems to be a form of time dilation. With a snap of his fingers, he froze two Grimm centipeetls in midair, but it only affected the Grimm. That must mean that his semblance has a certain range of effectiveness. But it’s still a really powerful semblance.

Agents Of Chaos

As the viewer, who knows just how dire the situation is, everything else seems small. When you see Whitely Schnee screwing over Weiss to get her spot as heir of the Schnee Dust Company, Jacques Schnee’s charade to be the top of the societal pyramid, and just the entirety of Atlas just seems so petty in the grand scheme of things. We are literally the brink of the end of the world. Do they really think Salem will care who has the most money, comes from the oldest family, or has the most dust if she gets all the Relics? We’re finally making some headway. They have two Relics (one in a vault), one Maiden (but still know who the Summer Maiden is), and a girl with the ability to turn Grimm into stone. Leaving us with Watts and Tyrian to worry about. The two of them will be stirring the pot in Mantle, while Atlas will probably be a big enough headache on their own.

If you made it to the end of this post, you are one very determined individual. Please leave a comment if I missed anything, got anything wrong, or if you have your own theories. I’d love to hear them.

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justalittlelitnerd · 4 years

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Most Likely by Sarah Watson

But that’s the thing about best friends; they’ll always find a way around a lock.

What a fun, truly heartwarming story, it was just what I needed to read during these ~uncertain times~

The 3rd omni POV was a bit chaotic at first mainly because I wasn’t used to the style and there often wasn’t any warning when the story jumped from girl to girl. That being said it didn’t take long to get used to the style and once I did I enjoyed the multi-POV and how it impacted the story.

I loved that the girls all had supportive parents and decent relationships with them even with all of their issues (adoption, mental health, financial, divorce, etc.) and I liked that all the love interests were sweet and awkward in a way that only high schoolers can be.

*SPOILER* I had this sneaking suspicion that Logan was a red herring because it seemed too easy that we knew who he was from the beginning and were tracking to see who he’d end up with especially and around the halfway mark I had a suspicion to how the couples and the story was going to pan out, but wasn’t sure until it was actually revealed.

If you’re looking for a light-hearted, multi-faceted coming of age about friendship, identity, and uncertainty, but also hope over the future than I would highly recommend this book.

Bonus: Sarah Watson is also the creator of The Bold Type and as someone who loves that show I got the same feeling from this book as I do watching the series.

Keep reading for some of my favorite quotes!

My friends will tell you that they always knew. That out of all of us, I was always the most likely to end up here. Respectfully, and with love, I think they’re full of crap. The truth is, if someone had told me back in high school that this is where my life would lead, I never would have believed it.

I take comfort remembering that the most important moments of my life have been the ones that terrified me. Like that first kiss. Not the story we’ve told a thousand times. The real one. The one that was messy and excruciating and painful and exhilarating. The one that broke my heart and healed it all at the same time.

And she definitely wasn’t stupid. Years ago, Logan had said that she was. Not to her face. It was behind her back, which actually made it worse. It meant he really believed what he was saying.

How was it possible to love one parent so much more than the other one? There was something so obviously screwed up about it that she knew something must be wrong with her.

Sometimes she wished her dad was the kind of guy who would swoop in and save the day for her. Other times she liked that she was the kind of girl who didn’t need him to.

She basically existed in a constant state of feeling slightly anxious about something, so it was hard to tell how much of this was related to the fact that her friends were forcing her to speak at the meeting and how much of it was just her brain chemistry.

People loved to say that they didn’t see color, but she could read the lowered expectations in their faces. That usually shifted as soon as she opened her mouth. They would tell her that she was “well-spoken” and express awe at how smart she was. She hated that she had to be smarter, better, and more eloquent than her white classmates, and yet she loved that she was.

Her mom was trying. It wasn’t her fault that no amount of trying could ever make up for the fact that there were certain things that she would never understand. Her mom would never know the ache of desire to put paint onto a blank canvas. She would never know what it was like to be the only brown face in a sea of white ones. She would never know what it felt like to be leveled by depression.

Ava really didn’t care about an impressive woman doing impressive things. Stories like these always made Ava feel inadequate. But since the only thing she feared more than not living up to her potential was being alone with her thoughts, Ava kept reading.

Ava flipped to the front of the book and reread CJ’s inscription. A little inspiration in case you ever decide to run for president.

“You deserved to be there. Depression is not your fault, and there was no fucking way I was going to let them punish you for it.”

"Actually, don’t answer that. Because I know the answer. It’s because as women we’re constantly taught not to advocate for ourselves. We’re taught not to ask for what we deserve. Well, guess what. I deserve this. I deserve it and I’m asking for it.”

All her life, she’d kept her true self hidden behind a perfect facade. A perfect girl with a shiny list of accomplishments and awards. He’d broken through that and found all her flaws, all her shortcomings, all the imperfections that she was so good at masking. He’d made her confront them, and he’d helped her laugh at them. He made her feel proud of who she was. Wyatt had uncovered the real CJ. And it turned out that it was the CJ she wanted to be. She was average. This time it made her smile.

The hostess backed away with the skill and grace of someone who had interrupted more than one awkward moment between couples in her time.

I know it’s only a matter of time. I know that someday the phone will ring, or there will be a knock on the door, or something will happen that will make my life forever different. I know how it will impact me, because I know how it has impacted the people I love. It will make me stronger in some ways. It will make me more vulnerable in others. It will leave a residue. But also a shine. It will be a thing that happened to me, but not the thing that defines me. It will change me in some ways. Perhaps it will change me in many ways. But it will not change who I am.

But before she was Martha Washington, she was Martha Custis. Before she was Martha Custis, she was Martha Dandridge. And before that, she was Patsy. Just a little girl from a large family who learned how to read and write at a time when women didn’t usually do that. She was a girl who wanted more out of life than what was being offered. That’s what Martha had in common with her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother. She was brave enough to want more and she was brave enough to go after it.

I should have you kissed you in the bathroom that day. But you should have kissed me too. We were both afraid. How about we be afraid together?

Our love story has never been perfect. Just like me, it’s flawed and complicated. I wouldn’t change a single moment.

#most likely #sarah watson #the bold type #books #book blog #booklr #book post #quotes #book quotes #ya #young adult #ya books #coming of age #friendship #future

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charlie-minion · 4 years

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21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D

Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.

In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.

I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.

Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!

I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.

I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.

If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:

Dean

Cas

Sam

HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!

I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥

@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here).

If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.

And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.

7. John or Mary?

Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.

Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.

Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).

Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted.

9. What’s your favorite season?

There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.

And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):

Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.

Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).

Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.

Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).

18. Do you like case episodes?

I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.

In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.

I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.

Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.

I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!

#tagging game #supernatural #21 spn questions #spn fandom #destiel adjacent

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fivecentimeterspersecond · 5 years

Text

Interview with Sui Wenjing with Xu Lijia (English Translation)

Chinese Pairs skater Sui Wenjing sat down for a discussion/interview with Olympic Gold Medalist in sailing, Xu Lijia. I did a loose translation of the 10 minute rapid-fire q&a in the beginning segment, so this is a detailed translation of the long discussion starting at 11:10.

If you’d like to listen, there’s a dropbox link someone sent me of it (since you need to download an app to listen) and someone also uploaded on bilibili.

The “free skate”/discussion portion of the interview starting at 11:10:

After winning the silver medal at the Olympics, Wenjing underwent surgery in her foot and entered a lengthy recovery period. In March prior to the World Championships, she had another accidental fell and hurt her lower back, but finally with persevering will and spirit, she and her partner gave another perfect performance on the World Championships stage. To stand on the highest step of the podium, what kind of pain did she have to endure? Xu Lijia continues her conversation with Sui Wenjing.

Xu: I want to turn this discussion back onto winning the World Championships, this is already your second time becoming World Champions. I saw your performance at Worlds and I was completely blown away - I believe no matter whether you were watching live in-person or watching at home on tv, you have the same feeling. Before the competition did you think you would be able to execute so well?

Sui: No, I didn’t dare think that. Before the competition, we had a lot of mishaps like when I’d fallen while practicing the twist, Cong completely missed catching me and I fell directly onto the ice. At the time, I had to rest 3-4 days just laying there, then slowly resumed training. But even right before I left I was unable to successfully complete all 13 elements which made me pretty anxious. In addition after the fall, I was doubting myself like, “Can I really do this? Can I even compete?” If we didn’t skate well then what do we do? But I felt like there were so many people helping us so I felt a bit guilty. But at the same time I was afraid that, 1) another injury or mishap might occur while competing, and 2) if we didn’t compete well, we would leave a negative impression on the judges and would affect our scores for next year.

Xu: So you didn’t really expect that you would perform so well. Then if you couldn’t even perform all the elements right before leaving, then what mysterious force do you think propelled you to skate so perfectly? Or what other skills?

Sui: Some kind of mystical force from the universe [laughs] kidding, kidding! Honestly just the accumulation of several years of training and learning how to control ourselves during competition. Once we get to the competition, we know what we need to do, how we need to skate because when we were younger, we didn’t have a good feeling on how to compete. In addition our coaches were always encouraging me, saying not to give up, we have to fight. Whatever happens, happens. It’s not like you don’t have a chance. Think about it: even though this is what your preparation looks like, no matter how you skate, at least you did your best and you’re happy. But look at your competitors, they also have a tough battle - they probably think their competition’s condition isn’t that good, and because they see they have a big opportunity, they’re going to be more nervous. This is how everyone’s mindset shifts. But now you have no burdens, you may be injured and everyone knows you’re injured, so you just fight against yourself. However you skate, it is what it is. Our team leader Lu told us “you must show us your status as a top athlete. You don’t necessarily have to skate well, but you need to show your best self to the judges and the audiences and that you still deserve to stand at the top of the world.” That released a lot of our burdens, and allowed us to put forward our best effort in competition.

Xu: It seems that in all aspects you received so much support and coordination from your entire team, they were constantly encouraging you. Because you encountered so many hardships, it sounds like that was able to release your burdens as well. Once you take that pressure off yourself, you’re able to put your best face forward and perform for everyone.

Sui: Right, of course there’s still some nervousness, but comparatively significantly less. Also after seeing our competitors’ condition, I felt like once we got to the competition, I thought, “no, I have to fight. Why are you ahead of me when you usually don’t skate as well as us!” I really thought that! I thought, I have to do my best. I didn’t think, oh I need to surpass them, I just need to be my best self, and if I surpass myself then I’ll win. Also before the competition I had constant support from fans, medical staff, always working hard and helping me with detailed preparation, how to adjust my condition, etc. I’m so thankful to everyone. This medal is due to our entire team.

Xu: I believe that this year’s world championship will be one of your most treasured experiences. Usually after the season is done, the summer is when you choreograph new programs. This year do you have any plans of where you’ll go for choreography?

Sui: We already finished choreographing. Once we finished competing, the week after we got new choreography, and then two weeks later we went to Japan to perform.

Xu: I can imagine you must have a lot of Japanese fans.

Sui: Yes, the fans from Japan are quite adorable. (laugh)

Xu: (laughs) How long does it usually take you to learn and remember a set of new choreography?

Sui: It doesn’t take long to completely memorize the choreography, maybe about one week. But if you want to be able to perform the program in competition, then it’ll take at least 3 months, roughly.

Xu: Three months? This is because it takes that long to perfect and be comfortable?

Sui: Right, you need to be familiar with it. Also, pairs skating is hard because of the coordination needed between partners - the rhythm, timing, in addition to the connection to the music. These are pretty difficult. Like, if you think about ice dance, they do have a lot of elements that require the two partners’ coordination but they don’t need to prepare for hard elements like jumps or throws, so they don’t need to leave time to prepare for these types of elements. In pairs skating, each element takes a lot of time, so once you complete an element you have to continue to perform. So when we’re choreographing we have to be very aware of the timing between the skaters and the music. This aspect requires a significant amount of time to perfect.

Xu: When you are choreographing do you listen entirely to the choreographer or do you guys add your own ideas or movements?

Sui: When we were very young, maybe the first two years we left the country to do choreography with Lori [Nichol], we pretty much listened entirely to her; we did whatever she said. But these past few years, Lori is someone with really good eyes: she is able to recognize our good ideas and pull them out of us. So these last 2 years we’ve used a lot of our own movements. In our programs this year, around 70% of the choreography was from stuff that Han Cong and I thought up. She would be like, oh hey, this way is good. A lot of our friends would ask us, “then why don’t you just choreograph your programs yourselves?” I’d say, no we can’t, because Lori has really good eyes. She’s able to easily see the big picture construction of the program. It’s like building a house: you start from the ground up then seal the roof. But we can’t see that. Also, we can’t see what a certain movement will look like from now until 4-5 months later. Whenever I watch videos of our programs the past few years from the first week after we choreographed, my god, it’s terrifying! They were just so ugly! But one year later, it looks like the way that she envisioned, really good. But at the time we couldn’t see it at all. This is Lori’s greatest strength.

Xu: It seems just like how an actor, after acting for so long can also become a director. Once you’ve done enough choreography you can come up with your own ideas and opinions.

Skating fans like to call Sui Wenjing and Han Cong “Onion Bucket” (cong （葱）= onion, sounds like his name; tong（桶）= bucket, a joke from when she was young and had a “bucket”-like figure). Even though they’ve been partners for 10 years, there’s no actual chemistry between them. Wenjing on Weibo would call him “Second Dad.” How did these two build up such an intimate understanding between each other? Xu Lijia continues her conversation with Sui Wenjing.

Xu: Let’s continue to discuss your figure skating career. Do you remember the first time you partnered with Cong?

Sui: 2007. I remember this clearly because my mom helped me remember.

Xu: Before you previously mentioned because Cong didn’t have a partner anymore, so you got pulled over to try it out, right?

Sui: Right, right.

Xu: At the time, what was your first reaction?

Sui: I just thought why not try it? (laughs) Right, at the time I thought, this guy looks so scary.

Xu: (laughs) You don’t think he looks cool? I think he’s very cool/handsome!

Sui: He does look cool, but when he’s being scary it doesn’t show.

Xu: Ahh. So you just didn’t like that he has a bad attitude.

Sui: Right! Well, it’s not that he “seems” to, he DOES have a bad attitude! (laugh)

Xu: (laugh) So it’s like this! Then as soon as you paired up did you have good chemistry or was it due to many years together practicing?

Sui: Not at the start, because first I never learned pairs before, and second, when I was younger I just immediately started skating with him after establishing some fundamentals in skating and jumps. I was like a blank piece of paper. My individual abilities were quite strong, and I was the type of person who could basically withstand anything during practice, falling a few times, a few bruises here and there didn’t bother me. I was pretty coordinated, which probably had to do with taking dance and martial arts lessons before, I grasped it pretty quickly. After pairing for 4 months — no, more like 20 days after pairing up, we entered our first competition. [T/N: some stuff muffled here, they were interrupting each other] We barely made the qualification round at the National Games, I remember.

Xu: Wow, very impressive that you were able to compete so shortly after partnering up. When you were younger and had less strength, did you fall a lot learning lifts and throws?

Sui: Yeah, I fell a lot. It’s not that I didn’t have enough strength, just that I wasn’t used to the “feeling” of being in the air or “feeling” of pairs skating, because pairs is actually quite different from singles. You have to rotate horizontally and vertically, you have to rotate so high in the air during throws, and low to the ice during spins. It’s important for pairs women have to get to the feeling of rotating in the air so many ways, it takes a while to get used to. But I felt like I got used to it pretty quickly, including throws - my teacher said “do a throw double” and I don’t know how, but I just closed my eyes and did a triple. (Xu: Ohh…) Yeah, and I landed it, but thought, wait, this doesn’t seem right, and fell to the ground.

Xu: You seem to have a lot of natural talent.

Sui: Yeah. Then my teacher said, tomorrow don’t do doubles, just go straight to triples. From then on I never did doubles.

Xu: Wow. You increased the difficulty so quickly. In your impression, what do you think was your worst fall?

Sui: Worst fall I think was probably this year’s [fall before worlds].

Xu: Ah, the one where you said when you fell it felt like you lost half a life?

Sui: Yeah, because this time was during a twist, your entire body is horizontal in the air.

Xu: Ah yes, it’s so high, falling from a height even higher than your body height.

Sui: Right, it’s like my body height plus an arms length, so that would be over 2 meters tall. I went down head first, and watching the video, my reaction was pretty quick and I used my hand to lift my head a bit, then I rolled over. Otherwise my organs, head, spine may have been impacted. My self-protection instinct was pretty good.

Xu: I think this another kind of innate talent, because I heard before from Li Zijun that pairs ladies need to be very tough.

Sui: Right, because during throw and solo jumps, your body is vertical, so if you fall its usually on your butt, knees, arms. It’s actually easier to protect yourself then. But when you’re completely horizontal, you’re already feeling confused while you’re flying in the air, you don’t know where to grab onto and falling straight onto the ice horizontally is pretty dangerous.

Xu: The fact that so shortly after a fall like that you were able to win the world championships is really so admirable. When you learn quad throws, from when you first start learning, how long does it take to have a high success rate? How long does that process take?

Sui: Quad throws? Actually internationally very few attempt quad throws, and right now we don’t do them often either. Once you get to a certain age, the burdens these elements take on your health increase compared to when you were younger. So now we don’t do them often. When I used to do them competitively a few years ago, I actually didn’t do them that often either, only when my condition was good I would do 4-5 of them. But at that time my success rate was higher than 50%, I was able to grasp them pretty quickly. But it depends on the athlete, some could do them for years and never accomplish it. Some will do it a few times and get used to the feeling, and be able to do them. It depends on the person’s feeling. I remember when I was young I did quad throws, and I did them for a pretty long time but I wasn’t able to complete them perfectly. But once I got older, before my surgery, I was able to do both quad throws and quad twists in a program. But these elements require a lot of physical strength and the process took 10 years, almost 20 years of training. This doesn’t necessarily mean you can complete them in a single program, and you have to train with high caution to be able to complete them. Because our height difference isn’t that big, I have to use more strength to make the throws as high or higher than others, and therefore the impact on my ankles, knees, spine, etc. is much greater than other female partners.

Xu: Like you just said, your partner Han Cong isn’t as tall as Zhang Hao or other international athletes who are so much bigger and stronger, his figure seems to be more similar to singles skaters? (Sui: Yes) Even though your height difference isn’t so remarkable, you’re still able to get such amazing results - how were you able to overcome this aside from what you said before, like gaining more physical strength. How did he overcome the deficit due to his physique?

Sui: He just did strength training and “practiced me”. (Laughs)

Xu: So he has a greater strength requirement due to his height and figure.

Sui: Well usually if you’re big then you’ll have more strength, but at the same time, we have our own strengths that others can’t achieve. For example, when we do solo elements like jumps, we’re very in sync because our height and weight are roughly the same, the difference in appearance doesn’t look like much.

Xu: Ahh, just like our synchronized divers, you both are very similar [in shape].

Sui: Correct. Also, for side-by-side spins we look a lot more in sync because we have a similar [body] radius, so we spin similarly.

Xu: Once you explain it, it makes sense!

Sui: Right, and during skating, our legs have similar length so our lines and rhythm is the same too. Plus when we perform we look very coordinated. It’s not like some of the pairs with one tall and one short skater, it’s like, hey why don’t these two seem to have a very “couple” feeling? (laugh)

Xu: I heard that before the World Championships, you specifically lost 6 kg. If you gain even a little weight, does it impacts him a lot?

Sui: It does affect him. As for myself, it doesn’t really affect my ability to do solo elements individually, like I can do them one by one with no problem. But during program, all 13 elements, once I get to the 5th or 6th element, I don’t have energy after. I get very exhausted. In addition, once I lose weight of course it helps my partner but even more-so it helps myself complete the performance better.

Xu: So are you the type who doesn’t gain weight easily no matter what you eat or gains weight easily?

Sui: Well, now I’m over 20, even though I’m past puberty I’m still okay, I don’t gain weight that easily.

Xu: But do you find it painful when you have to lose weight?

Sui: I just eat vegetables. Once I eat vegetables for a few days I’ll lose the weight. But what I find most annoying, is really everyone, including fans, when they meet me are like, “Wow you’re so skinny! I never realized you were so skinny!” But when they watch me skate on TV are like, “Huh, I think you look pretty chubby.” I’m so tired. I really can’t help it! (T/N: i just want to note that she says this all with a very light hearted, humorous tone, not as offended as she comes off in the translation)

Xu: (laughs) But actually, the TV does actually seem to add weight, it pulls you horizontally.

Sui: Yes, but there’s another thing you might not have thought of. There may be pairs ladies that are larger and taller than me, but when they stand next to a super tall and big male partner, they seem much smaller.

Xu: Ahh, you’re right, so that’s Han Cong’s fault.

Sui: (laugh) No problem, no problem at all! But one of his best features is that he’s got a really small face. I also really have a small face, it’s like a melon seed - when you see me in person you’ll notice my face is super small. But Cong has SUCH a tiny face, it’s like a small knife! Ah, it pisses me off! I have such a small face but I have to stand in front of him, so my face seems so much larger and rounder. It’s so unbearable!

Xu: Sui is giving our audience some weight loss tips, just eat vegetables a few days and you’ll get skinnier, right!

Sui: Well, because I usually do a lot of training, aerobics, anaerobic exercise - figure skating is a very physically demanding sport so once you cut calories you’ll naturally lose weight. And drink lots of water!

Xu: When you’re learning pairs skating, are there times you and Han Cong have difference of opinions? Do you guys fight often?

Sui: We fight all the time, it happens often. In pairs skating, or any team sport, these kinds of problems arise all the time. After many years, we’ve learned how to compromise.

Xu: How do you guys make it work and stick together?

Sui: Before when we really couldn’t agree or come up with a solution, we would immediately find our coach, I think like this, he thinks like that, what do we do? And we would just go with whatever the coach said was better. Now we compromise or if our ideas are completely opposite, we do rock paper scissors and let god decide.

Xu: Wow, so you use this kind of method? (laughs)

Sui: Yeah and now we’re much more rational during training and we don’t try to assert dominance over one another. We have to work to maintain each other’s conditions.

Xu: You two seem to have different conditions on and off the ice. Are your personalities similar or different?

Sui: We are two completely different people.

Xu: (laugh) I see that you really like to hassle him (T/N: dragging is probably a better term encapsulation of her sentiment though, kind of like jokingly criticize? it just sounded weird to put it in translation LOL), while I feel like he tries to appear serious.

Sui: No, I just really like hassling/dragging people! Nothing I can do about it, I’m just so used to it, I do it with everyone I talk to. I’m even like this about myself, very self-deprecating.

Xu: You must have lots of fun in your life. When you’re training with the team, do you usually eat with him [in the dorm cafeterias]?

Sui: We usually do eat together. I guess the good thing is that the two of us “look good” together? (laugh) [T/N: she uses the term “赏心悦目” which literally means pleasing to the eyes and heart…so she’s basically say they’re well matched HAHA]

Xu: When you don’t discuss figure skating or training, what other topics do you talk about? Are there any conversation topics you have in common?

Sui: He would tell me about books he recently read, movies he watched, any movies he’d like to see. I usually tell him, man I have things to do…(Xu: laughs) I really do have things to do! I usually have class on Sundays, I don’t really like wasting my free time. But usually most of my free time I’m doing nothing, playing around on my phone, but occasionally I’ll read a book, etc.

Xu: I see. Let’s discuss your coach Zhao Hongbo. Would you consider him a more easy-going or strict/serious coach?

Sui: I would say both. When we encounter hardships, he becomes a lot more easy-going but when we have problems during training then he becomes more strict. Everyone has different sides to them, and he will often try to help us from many angles.

Xu: What has he passed on to you that has helped you the most?

Sui: Because I’m a very fast-paced person, as you can probably tell-

Xu: You’re pretty self-aware!

Sui: Yes yes! And often during competitions, I may get really stressed and unable to control myself.

Xu: So he helps calm you down.

Sui: He would say, don’t rush, take it step by step, like this past competition. He said just do what you need to do, however you skate we’ll be happy. But sometimes when we’re training and not so rushed, he would tell us, “you see what your competitors are like?” to apply a bit of pressure on us.

Xu: I feel like no matter what situation you’re in, he never seems to get too stressed, he seems very calm. You need a coach like this to keep you level-headed, especially when you’re frazzled, lost, nervous, or when you encounter difficulties. As Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo are Olympic champions, do you see any points of similarity and difference between you and them?

Sui: Hmm…points of similarity and difference…for differences, the two of us started competing internationally and earned medals much earlier. In addition, the two of us grasped a lot more performance styles.

Xu: So you two perform with more music genre and dance genre.

Sui: Right. We have a lot more variety because a lot of athletes can’t develop a lot of versatility in performance styles.

Xu: Right now, Shen Xue is the [Chinese skating federation] president, she probably isn’t like Hongbo meeting you in the training center daily. So under what circumstances do you meet up with her, and what do you discuss?

Sui: Sometimes when my condition isn’t so good and I’m in a bad mood, when I’m stressed to a certain limit, she’ll talk with me, give me some small encouragement, step by step work through some problems during training. She would also tell me, “there’s a lot of new kids on the team, you’re all role models, when you have some time help me manage them.” Right now kids are adorable, but then when they’re teenagers/adolescents, then…you know.

Xu: They can be very rebellious.

Sui: They’re okay. Every age there’s something going on.

Xu: President Shen acts as an authority figure, does she give you any advice or guidance with anything?

Sui: Yes, for example during competitions she might give her ideas on hair style, or help with treating my competition tights because sometimes the color isn’t great, so it doesn’t look as bright so she tells me how to treat them so they look a bit better.

Xu: Ah she has many small tips. Finally, a lot of fans may want to know if you have any hobbies/interests?

Sui: Right now I like to read books and do calligraphy. But recently I’ve been pretty busy, I haven’t really been attending my calligraphy class.

Xu: Calligraphy? How did you start? Is it because it helps you calm down or did you like it since you were young?

Sui: Since I was young, I was the kind that wanted to learn everything. I told my mom, I want to learn to sing, dance, draw, play piano, I want to learn everything. My mom said, “who has time for all of that?!” But I still learned a lot of things, I ended up learning dance and martial arts, and of course skating. But outside of school I learned a lot. And english, I learned as well.

Xu: Speaking of english, I saw that you were using Ted talks for english lessons online. How’s that going?

Sui: Eh I don’t think it’s going that great. Sometimes I’ll just try to complete the lesson no matter how sloppily I do. But every day I try to do a few questions and look at them, it’s better than nothing. For english you have to speak and read it often.

Xu: Right, when I see you doing interviews you do speak quite well!

Sui: Well, for those once you do a lot of them you’re used to it.

Xu: That’s true. Last year when I saw you both at the Winter Olympics, I thought wow, seeing so many more Chinese athletes doing interviews in english, I was so happy.

Sui: I actually really like learning things, and I wanted to learn some instruments too. Before I even learned violin but my neck isn’t good for it. (laughs)

Xu: I get the feeling that you’re an extremely versatile person.

Sui: More like I can’t focus on one thing/get distracted easily. (laughs) I can’t ever persist with anything.

Xu: But I feel you already so dedicated to figure skating, you don’t really need any other hobbies, they just make your life more fulfilling (“colorful”). Finally, I want to give you the opportunity to give your loving fans some words/comments.

Sui: Firstly, I really want to thank these numerous fans for their support. I think that they’re all very dear to me, because they don’t have any personal or blood relations, they probably just saw us on TV or in competition one time and grew to love us and support us. Some even travel to follow us across the world. Some of them give us little gifts or throw plushies at every competition. It’s really touching and heart warming. In addition, the cheers and applause we receive at the end of competitions, I believe as an athlete that’s been able to make it this far, I’m so proud and happy. Thank you so much to our friends that are like family to us quietly supporting me and Han Cong. We will continue to work hard to show you our best selves. Thank you everyone.

Xu: Just like you just said, we hope you can maintain your health and have less injuries and fewer dangerous situations, hopefully in future competitions you can continue to surpass yourselves. We also look forward to more surprises from the “onion bucket” team. Thank you, Sui Wenjing!

Sui: Okay thank you thank you thank you!

#suihan #wenjing sui #cong han #chinese pairs #figure skating #sui wenjing #han cong #pairs skating

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phanbliss · 5 years

Note

i'm asking out of a place of wanting to understand, so please don't assume i am accusing you or attacking you, but regarding a post you reblogged recently, it was an ask where templeofshame claimed that if dnp weren't together it would be kind of like "baiting" us but i really don't think that's fair? they haven't EVER said or pretended to be in a closeted relationship, only been friends that joke a bit about their occasionally romantic tendencies, i have friends who think me pt.1

this ask is long due to there being several messages, so i’m putting it under a cut. the post in question: x

me and my best friend are together when we’re really not. we’ve said so, but eventually just stopped denying the claim while occasionally joking about it. i think its unfair of us to act like they owe us something? they don’t owe us a “coming out” (i agree with op tho that coming out has issues of it own, but its the most relevant term) neither do they have to tell us if they aren’t together.

however we perceive their relationship is our business, and as long as we aren’t toxic about it pt. 2 then really we shouldn’t care about ppl calling us “silly shippers” cause shipping them isn’t weird or rude, i, myself, truly believe they are together, but i don’t think that they owe us anything. they are real people with their own complex lives that we may not understand, heck, that THEY may not understand and they are just living their truth. for whatever reason, they may feel that they don’t want to tell people that they’re in a relationship (if they are in one) pt. 3but neither do they feel the need to (and in my opinion, shouldn’t feel the need to) explain and clarify their status to us.

it isn’t in any way baiting or manipulation. if we decide to invest our lives and our time into writing fanfics and making art then that is our choice! they are obviously fine with it so long as it isn’t shoved in their faces, but they don’t owe us clarification, maybe i’m misunderstanding something, i just don’t think it’s fair to say that they are being manipulative pt.4simply by being themselves?

they are their own people with their own reasons for keeping private or not telling us. they have never pretended like phan is real, have even denied it in the past, never made merch or something that has catered to shippers specifically. they have simply let us be (even if dan was quite rude about it before, but i believe he has improved a lot over the years) and made some quips about it. they choose to share parts of their lives with us and however pt5 the phandom reacts to that is our “issue”.

in summary, i believe that it is unfair to say that if they aren’t together it means we have been baited and manipulated and “wasted our time” because i really don’t think that’s fair to the good times we have had while shipping them. they are real people that owe us nothing about their private lives and can hide or reveal as much or as little as they want. i do believe that some people DO “queerbait” irl, especially ytbrs, but dnp have never pt.6acted fake or overly romantic to seem like they’re in love, their bond, in my opinion is genuine, and whatever we read into that is valid, but it doesn’t mean that they owe us an explanation.

i think i should end this now, but before i go, know that i do NOT intend this to be a dig at anyone, just wanted to share my perspective and ask your opinion about what i’ve just shared. i just see ppl acting like dnp could qb us and it kind of makes me think. have a nice day, take care, peace out! end

ooof anon, i appreciate that you sent this to me, but i’m really not the right person for it! i’m not one of the smart people in this fandom, nor one of the cool ones, so discussing things with me over anon is not as fun and rewarding as sending an ask to one of the popular people haha. but i’ll reply with my thoughts anyway!

we’ve had discussions about this on IDB before and my opinion hasn’t changed since the last time i said anything on this subject.

TO BEGIN WITH: i in no way believe they are consciously encouraging the shipping to make money. they are two people in a long term relationship that navigate a difficult world of being queer, being popular and trying to stay private.

1) “me and my friend” - while i definitely appreciate and understand that, we have to try to not compare dnp to ourselves if we want to make a proper point. i could say that me and my friend x haven’t talked in 2 years but i still consider them a friend, which doesn’t mean that it’s the norm for everyone - same goes for the “me and my friend” arguments concerning dnp. i don’t mean you necessarily, i mean things i’ve seen over the years. “me and my friend always say i love you! we live together! we spend all our time together! we’re platonic!” - that’s awesome but it doesn’t mean anything about dnp

2) i don’t think @templeofshame acted like dnp owe us anything. i took it more as like at this point, dnp admitting to having been platonic this whole time (lol i’m laughing while typing this) would have been a form of queerbaiting. templeofshame never said they owe us a “coming out” or anything like that

3) you have to remember that their audience is largely queer. to a lot of the younger fans, they are some sort of role models and maybe even eye-openers when it comes to their [fans’] own sexuality. they are most likely aware of this and definitely accept it.

4) the biggest thing i guess i should explain is why i believe that them having been platonic this whole time would have been some form of queerbaiting and… and there is no way to put it while still being nice? so forgive me, this is my opinion and i’m not trying to start drama.

they DEFINITELY benefit off phan. they have since the start (or at least dan). back in their younger days, people didn’t really ship them as much as assume they were a couple, that’s how they behaved and most people would jump to that conclusion. when shit hit the fan (vday + general life stress) and dan started lashing out, shipping got real hard. and dnp could have left it there, could have left shipping as that elephant in the room that we’re not allowed to mention, but no

slowly, gradually, they went back to accepting shipping. they haven’t denied anything in years and in many ways they encourage it. and really, no one will make me believe that they - as in the joint brand of dan and phil - would be as popular as they are without the shipping. lots of people watch them for their chemistry and hear of them through phan. they themselves no longer shy away from it - see tatinof fanfic scenes, their fanfics in tabinof, all sorts of things i’m too tired to mention - lots of recent things from this year.

so yeah, i believe they are very aware of phan and accept it, and if they accepted it while being two bros in ~other relationships~ or ~perpetually single~ then yeah, i would feel it’s wrong. not because they said something outright but because 9+ years of certain behaviors are as good as admitting to it.

they are basically out at this point, both as not being straight and being a couple, and i’m happy they got there on their own terms.

bottomline - i firmly believe they’re together and all that is missing is an actual confirmation - which we don’t ‘need’ - but if they weren’t together, we’d be right to be upset by this point.

idk if this answered your ask but i’m really tired and as i said, i’m dumb so you’re better off asking someone cooler than me hah :)

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leightaylorwrites · 6 years

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Leigh Dissects YA Fiction: They All Fall Down (Chapters 9 - 12)

Chapter Nine

Levi certainly wasn’t grieving Olivia’s death…

Of course not. Why would he be grieving his ex-girlfriend? That would imply that he cares about anyone other than you and with this being a YA book, it’s unlikely that a romantic lead would be so complex.

[...] his open varsity jacket making his shoulders look even broader.

A specific sport isn’t named. Does the author think all varsity athletes get the same jacket? There are emblems, symbols, and other things that are specific to certain sports. This is what happens when you base your YA book on your own nerdy high school experiences and don’t do basic research: you get things wrong.

“Why is everyone so certain Levi Sterling is going to jail?” I demand.

You can’t demand a question that has to be answered by multiple people when you’re only with one person. Also, didn’t you, like recently, say he might’ve been a murderer or rapist?

I nod sympathetically, supposing that’s a legit enough connection for a guy like Josh to shed a few tears.

Because for a masculine boy to cry, it has to be legitimized.

Was he kidding? Girls like Olivia and the rest of them on that list didn’t hang out with nerds like me. But guys don’t always know that.

Okay, even if we’re going with the ridiculous idea that people don’t have friends in different circles, the same would be true for boys. Geeky boys and jocks wouldn’t hang out. Why wouldn’t he know this?

“I missed you last night,” he says right into my ear, with a secret, sexy voice that should have every cell in my body jumping up and down.

You’ve spoken for a total of three minutes.

“I had…” Movie night with mom. “Something else to do.”

Why can’t she just tell him the truth? I get it’s geeky but it’s not like you were committing a crime.

A flicker of distaste crosses his expression as he conciders what could possibly have been more important than his game, and his gaze shifts in the direction where Levi had been. “Out with your parolee?”

Dora doesn’t tell him the truth about her whereabouts as a way for the author to throw in cheap tension. If she had a legit reason or given an explanation (like how I said spending time with her mom is ~geeky~), then it would’ve worked. Without that, this is just lazy writing.

“Good thing, ‘cause they're saying he was there and was having a deep and heated conversation with Olivia before she died.”

Did this book have an editor?

“Good thing you weren’t with him.”

He’s said good thing twice in the past quarter page. Either the author discovered a new phrase while writing this chapter, or someone stans NCT.

“Listen, I know it’s not going to be really fun under the circumstances and all, but a bunch of kids are getting together at my house tonight. Will you come?”

Y’all really about to have a party when someone just died. I get the popular kids are supposed to somewhat suck but there’s sucking then there’s being horrible people.

“We’re changing clothes, you freakazoid!”

Outdated reference is outdated. Most of this author’s demographic does not know that song. Has she ever spoken with an actual teenager? In this century?

“His parents passed away many years ago.”

Please be related to the cult I’m probably totally wrong about.

“I never got into the house but I’ve heard it’s amazing, with an indoor swimming pool and a ten-car garage adjacent to some of the prettiest parts of Nacht Woods.”

Good Lord. First, it annoys me when characters who are loaded go to public school with a bunch of people who are nowhere near as rich. School zoning doesn’t work like that, with only one megarich kid and everyone else being middle class. Second, why are we getting this awkward splooge from Generic BFF’s mom instead of having this description when Dora gets to the party later????? Why is this writing so bad? Where is the editor?

“The grandfather, who’s retired, of course, made a killing on Wall Street, as I understand it.”

What is this SENTENCE?! I suck at grammar and sentence structure and all those technical things but damn, I know I could do a better job at this editor who works for an actual publishing house.

“Really hit it huge in the go-go eighties.”

“Where’d they go-go?” Kayla asks, making everyone laugh.

Not me.

“It’s the idiots who can’t handle the peer pressure. But, okay, you girls use common sense.”

Fucking hell. If they’re pressured into drinking then they’re not idiots. That’s why it’s called PRESSURE. And why are we acting like people with common sense don’t drink? They’re not mutually exclusive.

“(...) I’d love to just sit around that table for house with a family that is so whole and happy. But I only have myself to blame for that.”

Shut your melodramatic ass up.

Chapter Ten

God save me.

(..) what feels like a half-mile-long driveway (...) At least fifty cars are in the drive and along the street.

Driveway. It’s called a driveway. You just used it in the last sentence.

She’s cute - and has to be freezing - but, really, nothing extraordinary to look at.

What a fucking bitch. Honestly, Dora, please die.

“We’re going into the woods.”

Yes, now it’s the point in the book where a Native American burial ground is invaded by drunk suburban white teens who literally have no respect for the land. This includes our protagonist. And if you’re thinking she’s going to mention how wrong and disrespectful this is, bring your expectations of this author down. No, further. FURTHER. Yes, that low.

“We’re at Meesha mound.” She leans closer and lowers her voice. “Indian burial ground, you know. Cool, huh?”

“Very.”

To be fair, Dora says her “very” is sarcasm but like?? Nothing is done or said about how horrible it is that they’re doing this. Or even the improper and offensive usage of “Indian.”

She misses my sarcasm and takes me down a dark path.

Obviously bad metaphor is obviously bad.

“I like Sisters of the List,” Kylie Leff says, leaning into Amanda. “We’ve been blood sisters since kindergarten.”

Can I return this book and get cult lesbians instead? Side note, if you want to watch something about a cult lesbian, AHS: Cult was AMAZING and its best season since Coven.

She holds up a single knuckle and Amanda meets it with one of her own in the most feminine and lackluster knuckle tap in history.

We get it. Fem = bad, hot fem = bad, weak fem = bad.

Why was Dora expecting some epic knuckle punch when Kylie only used one knuckle? Does she think she has super-strength?

It’s Candace Yardley, number ten, who up to this point has been virtually silent. Once again, I take a second to admire her dark good looks; she is runway perfect.

Why is this book so racist?!! Having the Asian character be silent until Dora is ready to comment on her ~dark good looks~?? And she has to be at the bottom of the list? What IS THIS?!

She smiles at her best friend.

How many times must we be reminded that Kylie and Amanda are gal pals, heteros, and that this book has no room for lesbians? Petition to save Kylie and Amanda from this hetero dumpster fire.

I take the vodka bottle and let a few drops touch my lips, the flavor like bitter grape cough medicine.

One, you can’t taste much with your lips. Two, that’s not what vodka tastes like.

“You bitches cray.” She sings the last word on a laugh. “But I need to get fried.”

Let’s play “spot the Token black character.” I think the usage of the word cray is a testament to how old this book is. Back when white authors thought it was fun to use cringe aave. You gon finna catch me is SHAKING.

“Thank god that chapter is over” - me after every chapter.

Chapter Eleven

“YOLO, baby girl. Which translates into ‘have some fun.’

Petition to have white authors never write black characters again.

I can smell beer, and the sound of rap is barely drowned out by loud boys and girls laughing. Really? On the night after the girl they all planned to vote for class president next year has died? They either don’t care or… they don’t understand death.

You fucking asshole, Dora. Some people have different coping methods. And, how would you know they don’t care or understand death? Do you think you’re the only person in your whole school who has lost someone?

They don’t know how permanent death is. But I do.

Earlier, we learned that Generic Good Boy is a fucking orphan. He lost BOTH parents. You lost ONE brother. Shut up.

“Like I said… YOLO.”

Stop. I’m begging.

“You know what I remember about you in middle school?” (...) “You were hydrogen in our Dress Like an Element Day in science.”

Listen, I like the fact that Dora and GGB have natural chemistry as characters whereas Dora and GBB are forced like hell. But could the author not think of a more interesting element? Why would GGB remember this in particular? Even if he thought Dora was cute, it would make sense for the element to be something less common and therefore more easy for the reader to see why it was so memorable.

“You’re the Latin expert.”

She’s a junior in high school.

“(...) he lives to meet pretty girls.” The way he says it makes me feel like I really am one of those pretty girls.

Because he just told you his grandfather likes pretty girls? An old man? That makes you feel pretty? Really? That?

“Wait--I want to kill her, er, say hi.”

Ignoring this horrible attempt at humor, Dora is upset with her friend for drinking at a party. I’ll point you to Dora’s weird grape cough medicine vodka from her cult meeting in the woods.

“I play on two travel teams--hey, Ryan--and lots of these kids are from all over this side of the state.”

They came all the way out here for one party? Are there no parties in their own neighborhoods?

“Kenzie.” The older man nods in approval. “Of course.” Flashing an easy, wide smile, he looks down--way down--at me. Instantly, I can see where Josh gets his gifts--his height, the build, the sort of raw masculinity mixed with charm that rolls off him. That’s hereditary, I suppose.

I just threw up.

This man is at least sixty, given that his grandson is a high school junior. And Dora just spent a paragraph lowkey lusting after him. I haven’t witnessed something so grossly uncomfortable since Throne of Trash the series we don’t acknowledge.

“You were absolutely correct, Josh. She is a refreshing change.”

Get it? Because she’s not like those other girls.

“You’ve taught me everything, Josh says, a respectful note in his voice. “Including how to pick quality girls.”

Women aren’t avocados.

He pats my hand and shifts in his seat. “Let’s change the subject. I understand you’re on that list that does nothing but objectify lovely teenage girls.”

You can’t call out the list for objectifying them when 1) you’ve done that since you met Dora, 2) you act like a fucking pedophile while you’re touching her, and 3) you follow up the fact that the list is objectifying the girls by calling the girls “lovely.”

“But his legacy lives on, right back in Nacht Woods.” He angles his head toward the back of the house. “He’s buried there, too.”

So not only has this author disrespected Native Americans with using their burial ground for horror aesthetic reasons, but she’s also allowed a white character to be buried there.

“Not him, per se,(...) but the things that mattered to him. I made a place to honor him.”

I know we need exposition but it makes no sense here. They’ve spent half a page talking about this dead dude, rather than the scholarship Dora wants.

“How do I apply?”

“No application necessary, dear. You just have to finish the ropes course Jarvis built in Nacht Woods (...) You look fairly athletic.”

Oh my god. How many ways can this author metaphorically shit on this burial ground?

“Quit hittin’ on my chick, Rex.”

Dora’s next thought is her freaking out about Josh calling her his girl, which okay, I get. But… shouldn’t she be a tad bit concerned about this creepy pedo man who just offered her a scholarship as long as she completes The Hunger Games?

“She’s a total brainiac (...) I think that’s hot.”

“Quite,” his grandfather agrees.

I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP

Chapter Twelve

I haven’t had anything to drink since my one sip of grape vodka, but Molly’s borderline tipsy(.)

We’ve got clarification that her vodka was grape flavored (ew) but what the hell is “borderline tipsy”??? Either she’s tipsy or she’s sober. Tipsy is the full in between of sober and drunk.

“But the weirdest thing of all was the texts disappeared about ten minutes after I got it. I can’t find it in my deleted texts, nothing.”

SHE TRIED TO SEARCH DELETED TEXTS AND WAS SURPRISED WHEN SHE COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING ASHJLDFASHLJL

(...) ready for dark looks from my list sisters(...)

We’re really using this name?

But I won’t tell these girls that. They’re wack.

I love 2001 slang.

Also, you guys don’t know how hard it is for me to not make a Malibu’s Most Wanted reference right now.

Having to post all my notes/opinions means I’m having to read over some of the book again and if you can believe it, these are considered the good chapters compared to what comes later.

Using my irritation as free entertainment? Enjoy my writing as free entertainment, too. I’ve got a freebie book called Epic here.

#leigh reads it #leigh dissects ya #tafd review #long post #tafd

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mfmagazine · 5 years

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Melissa Joan Hart

Article by Lauren Weigle

She “explained it all” to us as Clarissa Darling with her mismatched fashions and adolescent perspective on life. She cast a spell over us making us fall deeper and deeper in love with her as Sabrina The Teenage Witch. She’s also won our hearts while making us laugh out loud in films like Drive Me Crazy, Can’t Hardly Wait, and Not Another Teen Movie. But, her current leading role on Melissa & Joey is where she’s really made all of us red in the face with laughter. I’m sure you know who I’m talking about by now… She’s practically a household name… You guessed it. It’s Melissa Joan Hart. This industry veteran isn’t just a rockstar on the screen. In fact, she is quite the accomplished entrepreneur. For a deeper look into what Melissa’s all about, I’ll give you a little peek into the convo I had with her the other day while she was spending some time on the East Coast.

Okay. Tell me about your store, Sweet Harts, and where the idea came from.

Yea! It’s been open a little over two years now and my mom and I, through all our travels all over the world, have always explored candy stores, so we really wanted to open our own. And, we thought, Sweet Harts, would be an adorable name for it. It probably more started with the name than anything else. Then, people started investing in it and we got this little store off the ground. It’s in Sherman Oaks, California right now, but we’d like to expand it to other areas and see how that goes over. I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but it’s this beautiful little shop. We have birthday parties, baby showers, kids come after school, and they come after little league games. It’s been really fun.

So what is your favorite goodie or candy that you have in the store?

I just love the idea of ring pops I think since I was a little girl. You get that giant ring and you get to suck on it ‘cause it’s sugary!

Do your kids have any Sweet Harts favorites? Are they ring pop fans too?

My five year old always loves those fish lollipops. They’re almost like gummy fish on a stick, but they’re sour too. My three year old is really into the Pucker machine. It’s one of those machines where you basically make your own Pixie stick, but it’s called Pucker Powder. You can put whatever flavors and colors you want in there and they love to make those. They don’t want to eat it. They just want to make it.

Okay, let’s talk about one of the other projects you work on with your mother…Hartbreak Films, Inc. What are some of the perks when it comes to working with family?

Well, the good thing is, who are you going to trust more than your mom, ya know? You always know she’s got your back and everything’s going to go well. But, there’s always times when the mother/daughter line gets crossed with your working relationship, so we’ve had to learn over the years. I mean, we’ve been doing it about eighteen years, so we’ve had to learn how to put certain things aside or business aside and deal with the other issue that may be at hand. One of the plus sides is that it makes you talk to your mom all the time. It’s a great way to be on the phone with your mom. You stay in touch more.

Can you tell me about some of the projects you have going on right now with Hartbreak?

Sure! Well, the history of it all is that my mom found the Archie comics Sabrina The Teenage Witch and brought it to Viacom where we decided to make it a TV movie for Showtime. Then, from that spawned the show and we did that for many years. Along with that, we were doing the animated series, a bunch of TV movies. I actually just ran into Ryan Reynolds a few minutes ago and he was in the first Sabrina movie with me. So, we had a long-running franchise with that of course.

What about some of the other projects?

We did a ton of other TV movies in the process. We did a movie about Shirley Temple’s life story. She wouldn’t give the project to anybody else, except us, which was wonderful because she is a huge idol of mine. It was a great moment to meet her and give her blessing to tell her story. It meant a lot to me. Just last year our first feature film came out on DVD called Nine Dead, that we shot in Baton Rouge. And then we did the TV movie, My Fake Fiance, which is pretty much where Melissa & Joey came from. The network loved the chemistry between us and decided to create a TV show. So, that’s where we are now. Other than that we also have a web-series that will be up very soon. I can’t really talk about it, but it’s going to be a really fun, family-oriented reality web-series. It’s sort of like a family talk show. That’s one that I’m really excited about. We have an animated show in the works, another TV show being done in Canada, a feature, and a few other things also.

Boy, sounds like your plate is pretty much full. Back to Sabrina, though, how did you guys first decided to take it from just a movie and expand it into an entire TV series?

Oh, it was really simple, actually. Before the movie even aired, my mother had sat with an editor and cut together a trailer of what it could look like as a TV show. She then went to five different networks. Three of them bid on it in a room and ABC ended up being the best choice for it, putting the show on TGIFriday’s time slot. We were shootin’ it by that Fall!

So, what was it like working on Sabrina?

It was wonderful. I had a blast. Clarissa was a lot of fun to do too, but it was hard because I was also in high school. But, Sabrina was really the first time I worked as an adult even though my mom was on the set with me. I was on my own. I was living by myself. I bought a car. I moved to LA. I was so excited to be on my own and working. I loved the crew. We pretty much had the same crew for over seven years and we had a blast. We travelled the world together and became best friends.

Yea, ya know, when you were on Clarissa Explains It All, I used to watch you all the time and try to dress like you, but it was always a complete fail.

I know! I watch it now and some of the things are back in style and some of them are not at all. It’s so funny because that’s what I always get. When I was Clarissa, people would always tell me they want to dress like me and they loved my style. When I was Sabrina, people would tell me how they loved the cat and how their kids loved my show. Now that I’m doing Melissa & Joey, I get, “Oh, you’re so funny.” It’s just such a compliment. I love that people are telling me I’m so funny like they’re just figuring it out. (She laughs.)

Like it’s a new discovery, right? Well, you've always been funny. I guess maybe that goes without saying sometimes for people. I mean, your list of credits and accomplishments is beyond amazing. As a veteran in entertainment, what do you feel are some of the key ingredients to being successful in your career?

Well, the thing with this business is that there’s no set plan. There’s no moving up the ladder, getting the promotion. You can have a great show with a great character who’s iconic, but when it’s over, you’re back down at the bottom of the ladder again. You have to fight your way back to the top. It really is a business of rejection. You have to have a thick skin and you have to be willing to take a lot of crap to get what you want. Your managers and agents aren’t always enough. Sometimes you have to push your own career along. That’s why I’m producing and directing and those kind of things too. It’s a game of numbers, too, but it’s not an easy way to make a living. That’s for sure.

So how do you juggle marriage, motherhood, home life, and your career, ‘cause you do so much?

I literally take it day by day. When I get home, I’ll look at my calendar and figure out what needs to happen. Do we need our nanny tomorrow? Am I going to make it to the gym tomorrow? What do the kids have to do? I have to make preparations for everything. I know what the next year of my life looks like until next August, month by month… when I’ll be in Connecticut and when I’ll be in California, so I can plan Christmas parties and things like that based on when I’m going to be in town. So, I have to be that far ahead of time while at the same time take it day by day.

Well, clearly, your role on Melissa & Joey differs from your real life as a loving and active mother, but, at the same time, can you relate to your character as she’s a career woman juggling home life as well?

Yea. I mean, the one thing is that my kids are kind of growing up gradually while she was kind of thrown into it. With my character, I take my natural Mommy instinct and I do the exact opposite for the show. But, at the same time, we actually are going through the same thing. I hadn’t really thought of it that way before. We’re both trying to pursue careers while trying to raise good children and it depends on the day which one actually takes priority. Like, is today a day that my kids really need me or is today a day that I can escape and go to work? It’s tough and there’s sacrifices on both sides. I think our generation was told that we can be great moms and CEOs. I think it’s a really hard thing to do both great. I think you’re really lucky to be able to do both things good.

Well, since you said you have the whole year planned out, what do you have in store for us with Melissa & Joey?

Well, right now you’re seeing the second half of the first season. It’s still technically the first season. There’s about 12 or 13 more episodes this season. And, in a couple weeks, we’re going back to start filming season two! The storylines are just being figured out. If the ratings really pick up more, then, hopefully we’ll go from there.

What’s the chemistry like on set?

With Melissa & Joey, we all have families and we’re all really focused on making a really great show. So, what’s really fun is that we’ve opened up the lines of communication so that we could give each other notes. Like, “Hey, if you try this it might be funnier than that,” or, “What if you say this instead?” Now, we have that kind of communication across the cast and the crew has started chiming in as well. We’re really all in it together, so it’s a nice collaborative effort to make it the show the best it can be.

Some say the show is like a modern day’s Who’s The Boss. What are some of the twists and aspects of the show that make it different?

For starters, you have two people that are not parents on the show. On that show they were both parents. On this show they come into in completely blind. Another thing that’s different, which I actually think is the main ingredient for the show, is that Mel and Joe don’t like each other. They bicker and quarrel. I feel like the show has elements of Moonlighting and of The New Adventures of Old Christine. Like where the mom is not really the greatest mom. She’s sort of a wreck. She’s just a hot mess that you love to watch like in this show. I just feel like our show is really funny. Who’s The Boss was a great show and it lasted forever, so if we have that kind of blessing, we would be very lucky.

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normanisource · 7 years

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Spend a few minutes with Fifth Harmony, and it’s clear the group’s tighter than ever.

Normani Kordei, Dinah Jane, Ally Brooke and Lauren Jauregui have such electric chemistry, we literally had to cut out all the [laughs] from our interview because there were too many. The girls were cracking each other up throughout the whole thing.

And all those good vibes are sure to come through in their new music. Coming off of last summer’s “Work From Home,” 5H have proven themselves as hitmakers and are now taking more creative control of their sound. The group’s moving full speed ahead after Camila Cabello, one of its original members, bounced in late 2016.

Their next music will have “some R&B tones,” Dinah told us, and will hit on each of the girls’ favorite genres, with overtones of girl power and female empowerment throughout.

Read on for our interview with the group — plus their first cover as a foursome!

When did you guys realize you were friends in addition to bandmates?

Everyone: Awww that’s so cute!

Normani: We were on X Factor. We actually ran into each other before we were put into a group. I remember seeing Ally at my first audition, was it in Austin?

Ally: Austin, Texas!

Normani: Basically, my family… we had a rivalry. It was like, battle of the posters. My family was screaming, “Normani Normani Normani!” And Ally’s family had T-shirts… you guys roll deep.

Ally: They went all out!

Normani: I wouldn’t say it was necessarily a challenge to connect with one other because we were around the same age. I remember me and Dinah vibed heavily.

Dinah: Heavily! Like, we were low key starting to sleep over in each other’s hotel rooms.

Normani: I know! I borrowed your clothes!

Dinah: You did. We were that close. It was like that insane chemistry once you meet somebody. The connection was so crazy, we clicked instantly.

Normani: and I just feel like with everything we’ve been through together – even things that only we know about. Obviously we have each other to lean on. I think those moments make us even closer.

READ ALSO: Copy Fifth Harmony’s Style on Your Next Girls’ Night Out

How does each girl strengthen the group as a whole?

Ally: Well, Dinah, I admire your fun and playful self. I love how you always come in with music. You bring the life to the party and the energy to the room. That really helps, especially if we have a long day ahead or something, it’s really cool to see that. You’re always there pumping up the party and laughing. It just makes being here so much easier. It makes the environment so much healthier when it’s fun. I really admire that about you.

Dinah: Thanks Ally. You are super sweet! Ally… she’s like a little goofball too. It’s nice to know that there’s someone that carries the same energy. You’re always so playful. There’s times where she can be kind of like the “mom”. We’ve been calling Ally the “mother” of the group at times because she has that vibe where she cares so much and she’s on it with time. There are times where I fall short with getting to the lobby. She’s texting us saying, “We gotta get there, we gotta get there!” Just the push she brings into this group helps. Because there are times where you do fall short, and to have somebody to pick up your slack helps. You put us to work!

Normani: Well I was gonna compliment you (Dinah) but Ally did such a good job!

Dinah: You’re fake! [laughs]

Ally: I was going in order!

Normani: I feel like Lauren almost has this gift of making people feel safe through anything it is that we’re going through.

Dinah: It’s so true.

Normani: A lot of the time people almost forget that we’re human. We have things that go on with family and insecurities that we feel within ourselves. She [Lauren] has this way of making me feel comfortable and confident in myself and I feel like I can really talk to her through absolutely anything. There are conversations I can have with her that I feel like I wouldn’t have with anyone else. And I feel like we all play such a heavy role with each other but, there are just certain things that I can go to her for.

Lauren: The thing is, is that everyone brings so many different kinds of things to the table. Normani is such a hard worker, and she’s so disciplined…

Ally: Yes, Mani!

Dinah: So true.

Lauren: … and constantly putting in effort and making sure that she’s bettering herself and being the best version of herself she can be, and that for me is very inspiring because I’m the opposite [laughs]. I’m just kidding. But she definitely makes me feel like I can accomplish more if I can keep doing what I’m doing, and challenges me to want to be at her level.

Dinah: Spot on.

Who’s the best at IG? Shots fired.

Dinah: I was on a roll for a second.

Ally: Honestly, my game is getting up so…

Lauren: I’ve been on my A-game right now, I’m sorry.

Dinah: I was just stalking Mani last night.

Normani: I know I have a personal photographer.

Lauren: I think I’m just gonna push 20 bucks at her to take a photo of me today.

Normani: I feel like you can really get a sense of who we are as people because we’re so different.

Dinah: So different! Day and night.

Are guys scared to approach you now that you’re famous?

Lauren: Not the right guys.

Dinah: It’s funny because you kinda think it’s the right guy but it’s not.

Lauren: They’re either super not the right guy, or dope as fuck. There’s no in between.They’re either trying to get something out of you, or they think you’re super dope.

Dinah: There was this one guy who thought I was very intimidating because of who we are. My thing is when I come across somebody, when I think they’re super cute or handsome, I can’t play along with that because sometimes they take it as something like, “She wants me.” And it’s happened to me many times. When you’re trying to be kind to somebody and they take it as “dang, Dinah Jane likes me.” And I’m like “No, I just want to be your friend… like, why do you have to take it like that?”

Normani: For me, it’s kind of the opposite, cause I feel like in a way I can be so intimidating with me not even knowing it, and then the guy doesn’t call you and you’re like, “I’m cute! Come to me. Come here.” And then it’s like, “is there something wrong with me?”

Dinah: It’s hard. So all we want is a confident dude to come straight up…maybe. Just walk up and say, “Hey, what’s up?” And start from there.

What’s one question that you are often asked that you think a guy group would never be asked?

Normani: For instance, when “Work From Home” came out, we were asked a few times, “do you think you guys were dressed too sexy?”

Lauren: I’m pretty sure men are never questioned whether they’re acting too sexy. They’re actually glorified when all their clothes are off. Women love that shit, they’re like, “Yeahhh! You’re so hot!” But when girls take our clothes off, it’s, “Wow, she’s such a hoe.”

Normani: That’s happened to us throughout our whole career. When it came to performances, people would judge us on our performance outfits. They would say things like, “look at the hoe squad”. There were all these memes.

Lauren: And it’s normally girls! Regularly girls.

What’s the best part about having a built-in squad to roll with?

Ally: It’s really great because the four of us are really in sync with each other. We’re pretty open about most things. We try to respect each other as much as we can. For us, communication is really important. Also we enjoy a lot of the same things as each other! Like going to get frozen yogurt, or go to the movies, or talk about boys, exchange music, have fun at the red carpet and encourage each other with, “hey you look beautiful!”

Normani: We compliment each other a lot.

Lauren: It’s so important. I feel like especially being around other girls, it’s really easy to start picking yourself apart and being like, “Wow, she looks better than me” or, “My hair doesn’t look as good as hers.” It’s like, wait. [Why not just say], “You look dope, you look hot, I love your outfit.” Giving each other that energy changes the whole vibe of whatever we’re doing. If it’s a carpet or a shoot, you can feel in the pictures that we were all complimenting each other and we all felt good.

Ally: We truly live by female empowerment. Literally every day we try our best to do that.

Are you guys inspired by iconic girl groups like Spice Girls, the Supremes, TLC?

Normani: Absolutely. I know we’ve all grown up listening to Destiny’s Child, Spice Girls, TLC, Pussycat Dolls even. “Buttons” is my song. Danity Kane.

Dinah: Ooh, Xscape! I love them so much.

Normani: And it’s important to have strong individuals to paint the way for us. Without them doing what they did for music, and being our introduction, we probably wouldn’t even be!

Do you hope to leave a legacy like them one day?

Normani: Most definitely.

Lauren: I think we low key have. We’ve made an impressionable mark as far as girl groups go in the industry. I’m proud of us.

Ally: It’s cool because they inspired our looks for the shoot. We did a 90s throwback vibe and we channeled their wardrobe and hairstyles. It was super fun. They really do shape us.

Dinah: I think musically they inspire us but also on a human level. I think when you’re in a group, people expect you to all be the same. Just looking around at each other, it has helped me discover that we’re all uniquely different from each other for a good reason, because there would be no growth for me. As I’m learning about each other girl, it’s helping me learn about myself. We all have our weaknesses, we all have our strengths, but together we all make it up.

Which of you has the most out-there personal style?

Ally: I like sometimes to dress crazy…well I don’t think it’s crazy [laughs]. I like to have more fun with my fashion. Obviously if everyone is wearing more “chill chic” outfits then I’ll have to go in that lane, but…

Lauren: You love being extra.

Ally: Not extra, but I love to play! I don’t like feeling plain, I like a little sugar on top.

With so many pics of you in the spotlight, how do you keep a healthy mindset?

Normani: I feel like in a way you’re forced to, just because there’s always gonna be bad photos of you.

Lauren: Yep, you’re forced to, but you never get over people taking bad pictures of you from disgusting angles! I’ll never get over it. I get so angry every time I go on the Internet, I’m like, “Why! You know I look bad here! Why did you post it!?” I hate it.

Dinah: Sometimes they know we don’t look cute, they do it just to show, “look at this unflattering photo…”

Ally: One time I literally looked like an egg. And I had to choose to laugh about it. Sometimes you obviously freak out, but it’s out there. You cry and then you laugh.

Lauren: You cry and then you laugh again.

#normani kordei #normani hamilton #fifth harmony #5h #article #interview #all #2017 #galore magazine #dinah jane #lauren jauregui #ally brooke

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michaelamwrites · 7 years

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Unity Days 2017: Eliza Taylor on Clarke’s Journey

(A little background-- I wrote this post for the website I write for, but the editor doesn’t like it and his notes consisted essentially of “make it better,” so I a) sent an application to Talk Nerdy With Us because I’ve had enough of his over-controlling self and b) am posting this here, because I’m really happy with it, and the editor doesn’t pay me, so I’m not gonna kiss up and make my writing lower-quality.

So, with that out of the way, here we go!)

"I think there comes a certain time in anyone’s life when something really, really tragic or awful happens, and you can kind of choose to let it define you, or you can rise above it and put it to good use," says Eliza Taylor of Clarke's mourning of Lexa. "And I think that's what she's doing."

Eliza, who plays Clarke Griffin in the CW's hit post-apocalyptic series The 100, attended Unity Events Canada's very first convention, Unity Days 2017 on Saturday, January 14th, and shared a little (spoiler-free, of course) info on Clarke's journey in season 4, which premieres on Wednesday, February 1st at 9/8c on the CW.

I was able to attend Unity Days, and had such a fun time connecting with the cast, fans, and other press members! We'll be posting loads of articles about our time there (edit: I’m not sure how much I’ll post on this tumblr--it depends on when I hear back from TNWU), split up by character and actor—so without further ado, here's what Eliza Taylor had to say about season 4 of The 100! Panels were moderated by Jo Garfein, the creator of the charity Cancer Gets LOST, who did a spectacular job making sure everything went smoothly, and that everyone was listened to.

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First up, let's talk relationships!

An audience member asked Eliza how she and Alycia Debnam-Carey prepared for the scene in the City of Light where Clarke and Lexa reunite, and asked if they improvised anything. Eliza answered that she and Alycia are very close friends, and it was a wonderful surprise to have her back. "We didn’t really prepare anything, we just did what we always do, which is work well together," she continued. They improvised some, but Eliza isn't certain if any of it made it into the final cut, as the producers like to stick with the script. "We've got a chemistry, and she's a delight to work with," she finished.

Clarke is notorious for not grieving very long, and just swallowing down her pain (see: Wells and Finn), so Jo asked if we'll see Clarke grieving Lexa at all in season 4. "Yeah. That's always a shade of her now," Eliza said. "She'll always be grieving. It was the love of her life."

[At this point Jess Harmon, who plays Niylah (who Clarke hooked up with in the season 3 premiere) walked onto the stage (wearing a Jarod Joseph shirt) and yelled, “The love of your LIFE?!?!?” to much laughter. Eliza asked if they could talk about it later, babe, but no, "Niylah" was too upset to have this discussion in private.]

(x)

Now, Lexa isn't the only one Clarke has lost. She's also lost Jake, Wells, and Finn, to name a few. An audience member asked if we would see Clarke grieving her other losses. "Yes," Eliza confirmed. "She feels grief and guilt."

Another member of the audience said, “So, obviously there’s been a lot of focus on Clarke’s relationships throughout the seasons. In season 4, do we get to see more of Clarke growing individually, outside of any relationship?” Eliza confirmed that we definitely will, adding, "Which I like, you know, she’s an independent woman!"

An audience member mentioned that "Clarke’s kind of got a bad track record with keeping her romantic partners alive" and asked if, if there's a new romance for her in season 4— “Will they live?” Eliza interjected. "That’s yet to be seen. I can’t answer! But yeah, I’ve really gotta stop killing the people I love. Not that I’M killing them, it’s like I’m cursed or something.”

Jessica Harmon wasn't the only person to crash Eliza's panel. The panel was supposed to be the "Princess Mechanic" panel, but Lindsey got called in to film more stuff for episode 4x11, so it became the Princess panel, or the Wanheda panel, or just the Eliza Taylor panel. Eliza told her castmates to crash her panel, so it wouldn't just be her up there all the time, so Ty Olsson (Nyko) dropped by for a visit. Ty had initially been booked as a guest for Unity Days, but had to cancel. He showed up after all, and got to visit with the fans.

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Jo asked Eliza and Ty if they ever had any scenes together, and Eliza reminded us of a scene in episode 2x07, Long Into An Abyss. Lincoln was dying from withdrawal from the reaper drug (Eliza mimed his seizures) and Ty tried to end his suffering. "I was like, 'Babe. Whoa. I think I know what to do,'" Eliza finished.

“What’s your favorite phrase in Grounder?” Jo asked, bringing on some complaints from Eliza about the difficulty of learning lines in the language. The question really never got answered, but Ty told us that despite playing a grounder, he hasn't had to speak much of the Grounder language.

Jo brought up Clarke's age, so Eliza broke down the timeline to try and figure out just how old our hero is: "So, in the pilot, I won’t turn 18 for another month. And I think we’re about 8 months in at this point. Lookin’ good, youngster!" (Eliza Taylor, for comparison, is 27.)

(x)

Eliza concurred with Jo's summary of the theme for season 4: "Can we survive today, let alone survive the next crisis?" She told us that the season is "about…finding hope, I suppose, in a hopeless place." (Yes, she did start singing.) The major enemy in season 4 isn't the grounders, or the Mountain Men, or ALIE—it's going to be a war against nature. "People are basically either giving up, or fighting till the very end. It’s going to be interesting to see which characters fall into the ‘I’m sick of surviving’ category, and who fall into the ‘I’m gonna make something happen and save the human race’ category." You can probably guess which one Clarke chooses.

We learned that Eliza disliked being separated from the "adventure squad" or "Scooby gang" (or whatever you like to call the delinquents) in season 3, and enjoyed having the gang back together for season 4. We'll also see a return to the co-leadership of Bellamy and Clarke. Clarke's relationship with Bellamy isn't the only relationship we'll be seeing more of—Eliza and Paige (Abby Griffin) worked together more this season, and Clarke and Kane (Henry Ian Cusick) will have some adventures in figuring out their leadership roles. Speaking of Kane and Abby, we'll also get to see how Clarke reacts to her mother's new relationship with Kane. And there will be more of a mutual respect between the adults and the youngsters this season.

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Jo asked about the physicality of season 4 as compared to season 3, and Eliza shared that she had been training a bunch, then learned that Clarke's role this season is more political. "I do have a lot of crazy stunts, but they’re very sporadic. In this season, she’s almost like a politician; she’s just trying to delegate and keep everyone together. So I love that there’s a lot less fighting for me and a lot more trying to use my words."

According to Eliza, “Clarke is influenced by her parents in the best way possible.” She gets her more emotional, compassionate side from her dad, and her stronger, more diplomatic side from her mom.

A particularly good—and well-thought-out—question from the audience was this: "Monty shared some of the blame with Clarke for Mount Weather—do you think Raven will share the blame for her role in destroying the City of Light in a similar way, and do you think Clarke and Raven will bond over that?"

We could tell that this won't happen, by Eliza's sheepish laughter when she said "That's a really good story point." Guess the writers missed that one. "I think there’s a lot of collateral damage after the City of Light is destroyed, for both of us," Eliza continued. "You do see us kind of connect, but maybe in more of a surprising way than you would imagine."

(x)

It seems that Clarke and Luna have a lot of scenes together this season, and Eliza loves that. “She’s like my soul sister, honestly," she says of Nadia Hilker, who portrays Luna. "Like, the second we met, we were like, ‘Oh, you’re my people.’ We are gonna be friends forever. I adore her, and working with her is a treat."

@ElizasBabyBlues on Twitter sent Jo a question for Eliza: “What do you think Clarke’s greatest strength is and what is her greatest weakness? And what are yours?” Eliza's response was, “Clarke’s greatest strength and weakness are her empathy and compassion. My greatest strength is not letting criticism get me down. I love acting. My greatest weakness is chocolate or champagne.That’s my perfect Friday night.”

A woman dressed in a season 1 Clarke cosplay asked Eliza what her favorite outfit of Clarke's is. Eliza excitedly told her that her favorite outfit is Clarke's season 1 outfit, the same one the woman was wearing, saying, "It felt most like Clarke."

(x)

The trait of Clarke's that resonates most with Eliza is her resilience. Her favorite line of Clarke's is, "Life should be about more than just surviving."

“When you play a character, it’s 80% you, and 20% what’s on the page,” she shared.

The cast and crew of The 100 was just finishing filming the season 4 finale when Eliza was at Unity Days (in fact, we heard that the reason she and Bob Morley were only there for one day was that they had to finish filming the finale the next day). Eliza tried to give us some teasers without spoiling anything, saying, "It’s been hell! The things they put us through in our season finales! It’s crazy; you’re gonna love it. A lot of crazy sh*t goes on."

(x)

“It’s like last year on crack," she continued. "We’re doing so much. I can’t really say much about it because it would ruin leading up to it for you, so I’m not gonna go on about what happens. But it’s really different, for us--it takes a real turn. There’s a huge twist, and I can’t wait for you to see it!”

Don't miss the season 4 premiere, entitled, "Echoes," Wednesday, February 1st at 9/8c on the CW, and stay tuned for more Unity Days coverage*!

*Possibly, depending on how this is received!

@unityeventscanada

#the 100 #the 100 spoilers #the 100 season 4 #unity days 2017 #eliza taylor

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juliettespencerus · 5 years

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The Neuropsychology of Eating Interview with Dr. Srini Pillay

Marc David, Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating interviews Dr. Srini Pillay, who is a medical doctor, a world-renowned Harvard psychiatrist, executive coach, award-winning author, and brain imaging researcher. Dr. Pillay shares how he used his clinical research to provide a biological, psychological, and social perspective on one’s health. In this interview, you’ll learn how to use the two basic kinds of intentions in the brain, goal intentions and, implementation intentions to help you get through the discomfort of habit changes and set you up for success.

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Transcript:

Marc: Welcome, everybody. I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Here we are in The Future of Healing Online Conference. I have the wonderful honor of being with Dr. Srini Pillay. Welcome, Srini.

Srini: Thanks so much, Marc. It’s really lovely to be here.

Marc: Same here. Srini is a dear friend and colleague, and I want to say a few words about him. He’s a medical doctor, a worldrenowned Harvard psychiatrist, executive coach, awardwinning author, and brainimaging researcher who applies his extensive background in human psychology in the brain essentially to help people overcome obstacles.

Srini graduated as a top medical student and won the most national awards of any resident at Harvard. He was Director of the Outpatient Anxiety Disorders Program at McLean Hospital, and is regarded as a global leader in the management of stress and anxiety, as well as habit change. He’s the CEO of NeuroBusiness Group, and has led the company to being voted one of the top 20 movers and shakers in the leadership development industry.

In the past year Srini has created many programs, including The Untapped Tower of You, that’s an online burnout assessment, an intervention tool called Burnout Buster, an app to manage anxiety, an uncertainty called GearShift and an online program to help people develop a successful mindset for weight loss called Noodlefist Habit Changer. He’s also the author of the motivational book of the year, Life Unlocked: 7 Revolutionary Lessons to Overcome Fear.

He’s been interviewed kind of all over the place. I know you as an extremely thoughtful and compassionate human being, and I would love for you to share a little bit of how you got on this journey of psychiatry. What led you down that road?

Srini: Certainly, I’d be happy to tell you subconsciously what led to that. I can’t say that that will be the truth. But yeah, I think consciously it was just sort of being at medical school and recognizing that I was looking for an integration of a number of different disciplines. Because psychiatry involved the brain and involved the psyche, I felt like it was a really wonderful place for me to begin to apply my expertise in thinking about the heart, in thinking about the brain, in thinking about the gut. I feel like psychiatry is one of those places where you can really think about the whole being.

So I think from my perspective, it was really the integration that it offered. I think I started out learning – I did brain imaging research for 17 years while I ran a clinical practice. I see myself as a bridge in general, because I don’t really believe in polarities of thinking. I think a lot of human suffering comes from thinking am I good or am I bad, as opposed to just living life and letting the experience of life transform you. I think that’s true about all the decisions we make, it’s what we eat, the people we choose to be with. I think part of it is that we feel like we have to choose to avoid torture. But the truth is, in choice itself there is torture.

So I think that psychiatry was a place where I could get to ask these kinds of questions, and at the same time reach out to people in a way that felt holistic. I could think biologically, think about the brain and the body. I could think psychologically what was actually happening in the psyche and why were people behaving a certain way.

Then try to understand socially whether people felt like they fit wherever they were or not, and how all of this came together.

I would say that probably my deepest influence is really spiritual. But whenever people ask me about that I always tell them that I’m somewhere halfway between martinis and meditation, because I think I struggle like everybody.

Marc: Understood. When I think about the brain these days it feels like so much of what I hear oftentimes, and they’re almost little throwaway comments. When somebody’s behavior, their habits, their moods, it’s not working for them and you’ll hear, “Oh, it’s my brain chemistry,” or, “Oh, it’s my neurotransmitters.”

It seems that on the one hand this is such an important conversation, like what’s going on in your brain, what’s going on in this physiological organ. On the other hand, it would be easy to say, “Oh, it’s just my hormones. It’s just my neurotransmitters.” I’m wondering your thoughts around this, because it feels like there’s this interesting gray zone there.

Srini: There is. I think what that question also relates to is, am I born with how I am and do I have to stick with it? I think that certainly we all have genetics. Genetics to a certain extent is fixed, but to a large extent is also changeable. For example, meditation can change your genes. So genes are not as fixed as we once thought they were. For a long time we’ve thought that the brain is fixed, that the brain can’t change. It’s just my

chemistry. It’s just my brain. But we now know that the brain can change, and that is called neuroplasticity. The fact that the brain can change I think is just amazing.

One of the thinkers about this outside of the brainscience realm, but related, is Carol Dweck. What Carol Dweck talks about is mindsets. She talks about two kinds of mindsets, a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. All of her research has shown that people who are less fixed, who believe that they can change, who believe that change is possible, who believe that a better life is possible, these people generally score better on intellectual tests. They have higher degrees of empathy. They have a huge number of advantages. They’re able to handle conflict more easily.

So there’s something about having a growth mindset that I think is incredibly important. I would say biologically we now know that the brain may be resistant to change, but it is wired to change. I think that the dialogue really needs to open up about if my brain can change why is it always fighting back whenever I’m thinking about changing, because that’s what makes me think it’s fixed when in fact it’s not. It’s actually quite changeable.

There are a number of studies now that show that various brain regions can actually undergo changes, if we do things ourselves that are different that can actually shunt blood from one region to another. That can actually be maintained over a period of time as well. So I think the great news is that the brain can change. I think the challenge is getting the brain to be onboard with us, and that’s what I call making a deal with the brain.

Marc: What does making a deal with the brain look like, and who is doing the dealing?

Srini: That’s a great question, on multiple levels. I think to start out, when we think about having conversations with our brain that’s a dualism. We, the person who’s speaking, me in this moment, I have a capacity for selfreflection. So I’m thinking, what can I change in my brain? What’s really cool is we now know that if we think we can change how our brains are functioning, and as a result change how we’re thinking afterwards.

In terms of who is speaking, I think at a superficial level it’s a person speaking to their brains so that they can actually provide directives to their brains. I think at a deeper level the goal is to look beyond this dualism, to actually have a place where the observing self and the experiencing self are actually one. There isn’t this constant

editor, sort of chattering, but that you move about the world with the sense––but that really I think most people who are on a spiritual path would agree that that takes a long time, and that in the process of learning trying to be selfreflective is important.

In terms of how you make a deal with your brain, it depends what it is you want. So if we look at the broadest category, which is change, you’re doing something, you want to be doing something different, or you want to do it differently, how do you start to make a deal with your brain? Well, that’s a long story. I usually do a threeday workshop on this, so we could spend a long time talking about that specifically.

But if I think of hitting some of the highlights, what underlies that question is if the brain can change but it’s resistant, because there are habit pathways––what I often will say to people is we fall into habit hell. So the question is, how do I get out of habit hell?

One of the things we need to do is to get the brain to be committed to a new form of thinking. The problem is if you’ve been doing something over and over again in the same old way, whether it’s the way you eat, or the relationships you have, or the way you manage relationships or conflict, to change the way the brain is doing that, to make it committed to a new way can be challenging.

So what brain imaging studies have shown us, one of the findings we have, is that in order to remain committed to a new way of thinking or being you have to activate the left frontal cortex, which is a part of the brain that’s right here. It essentially means that––apart from your [inaudible 09:34], what are the different ways that we can access that region.

There are a number of different ways, but one of the powerful ways is called spreading of alternatives. Spreading of alternatives means there’s alternative A, which is where you are, and the brain has a certain relationship with it. It knows the advantages. It knows the disadvantages. Then there’s alternative B, which is where you want to go.

Then the brain also knows the advantages and disadvantages about that.

To remain committed to a new pathway, to stimulate this left frontal cortex, you have to create a spread between the two so your brain is very clear why now sucks and the future is great. Most people would say, oh, that just sounds like pros and cons. Well, it’s not just that. You’ve actually got to be emotionally engaged with why. Even though now it works in a certain way, it’s probably not the most that you can be. The future, as

frightening and as threatening as it may seem, is something that you really need to embrace because it’s going to serve you better.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that the way we selfmessage is we often say I want to change but now’s fine, because we also want to be optimistic about now. You can imagine if you are the brain and you’re busy taking our messages, “Let me see what Marc wants me to do. Okay, Marc wants me to change. He wants me to change my behavior. That’s great. Let me make a note of that,” Then Marc says, “No, but now’s fine.” So the brain’s like, “Well, do you want to change or do you want to not change?”

So part of what spreading of alternatives is asking us to do is to really admit to the fact that as much as now is okay, it’s very much not okay. Once the brain knows the spread between where you are and where you want to be, it knows that there’s a big difference. The bigger the spread, the more the left frontal cortex activates to take you to your goal.

In order to create that spread, to really accept that you want something different, you want a different relationship, you want to live your life differently, you want to just change the way you look, in order to really do that you’ve got to pay a price, because in order to make a deal with the brain you’ve got to basically give up some emotional money. What we call that is switch cost. Switch cost is the price you pay for change.

One of the things that I generally will tell people is that it’s not just about the pros and cons and that’s my list, “Oh, I see why the future is great. Let me go for that.” Your brain’s not going to buy it unless you tell the brain, “Look, I know the future is going to be more frightening. I know it’s unfamiliar. I know I’m not going to be good at doing it.”

If you list all the things that are frightening you about the change, and then you deliberately and consciously tell your brain, “Despite that, I want that,” then your brain’s like, “Oh, okay. So you want me to do something that’s going to freak you out, and you’re cool with that.” You say, “Yeah, I’m actually cool with that because the payout in the other end is so much greater that this is just like paying emotional money to get to the other side.”

So the switch cost, or spreading of alternatives, these are two basic constructs. I actually have an app called GearShift where I walk people through some of these

paradigms that will come up today, where you actually can go in and then just give yourself a five step process where you say: step number one, why the future is better than now; step number two, why the future is better than now; step number three.

You go through each thing, and when you’re done at the end of that your left frontal cortex is definitely going to be more active because you’re more committed. But you’ve got to also articulate the switch cost, so your brain knows why you’re willing to pay that price. That’s what deal making is. Deal making is paying in emotional money, and being clear so that your brain understands what it is you want to achieve in life.

Marc: One of the things that’s sort of swimming around inside me as you’re speaking is that when I put my words on this it’s almost as if we have to agree to discomfort at some point. Generally speaking, humans are trying to get out of discomfort, which is probably why I’m doing my unwanted habits or behaviors in the first place. It’s getting me out of some kind of discomfort. Now all of a sudden I’m saying, okay, I’m going to make a choice which I know is causing me discomfort. It seems like that goes against our nature, because I just want the pillows nice and smooth.

Srini: I think it gets back to your first question, which is nature versus nurture. The whole question of do I actually have a nature, am I fixed, or can I nurture behaviors on top of that nature? So I think one of the ways to actually begin to understand what you’re talking about, when you think about the research that’s been done on how to manage this kind of discomfort, one of the modalities of therapy that’s really leading – it’s drawing everybody’s attention right now, is what we call acceptance commitment therapy for excessive worry.

When you start to feel uncomfortable, you start to feel worried, maybe you can’t sleep at night, you feel a little bit angry, irritable, when you start to feel that kind of discomfort the temptation is to fight it or to come to terms with it by rationalizing. Paradoxically, one of the ways to deal with that is to actually say what of this do I need to accept, and is there a different way I need to be thinking about this discomfort? Because the first thing we think is discomfort means a bad thing, and discomfort means I’m a bad person, and discomfort means I’m wrong. When in fact, discomfort is discomfort.

That’s pretty much all it is.

If you look at it, you’ll then begin to see that it’s a certain kind of restlessness. Then if you ask yourself, what’s the message that my bran is trying to give me? My brain is

telling me that it’s used to something and that’s why it’s going to stay stuck there. I’ve got to say, “Dear brain, I love you but we’re going to need to go to this discomfort to get to the other side. Trust me, it will be worth it.”

I think what you’re saying about the discomfort is absolutely true, but I think when we fall back on the nature argument then we’re forgetting that we can nurture an entirely different self in this universe. I think one of the things I would say to people is we all do it. You and I were just riffing on this before this conversation. What am I really? Am I the stuff I choose or is what I choose just a rationalization?

I don’t’ think anybody can really answer that question unless you transcend that level of thinking, but I’ll give you an overt example of what the brain is capable of doing. The brain is an excusemaking machine in general. It’s a pretty amazing––it’s a beautiful organ. It’s wonderful that we have it.

But if you look at what the tissue is capable of doing it’s sort of remarkable, because if you think––people who have a right parietal stroke, people who have a blood clot on the right side of the brain or cannot move the left side of their bodies, if you ask them to move the left side of the body, what would you expect them to say? You’d expect them to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t move it.” Except they say, “I don’t feel like it.”

So when human beings have an incapacity they will often say, “I don’t feel like doing it.” Once I knew that fact, it got me to question everything that I was associating with my nature. It made me realize, brain tissue has the capacity to make up excuses for incapacity.

Every time I think about things, that’s why––people will say, then what’s the right thing to do? Should I change or should I not change? I would say that life is one big experiment. I think of spirituality that way. I think of the notion of God that way. I think of the notion of relationship. It’s really about experimenting with how you can reach deeper and deeper levels of your own consciousness.

I think the brain piece is just one piece of that. I think to the extent that we can engage our brains and we can say, hey listen, I know you’re uncomfortable but I just want to give you––we’re going to think of this differently. This is not going to be some terrifying thing. This is going to be the rollercoaster that I’m going to learn to enjoy, and I’m just going to think of life that way.

It’s easy to say. We all, including me, there are times when I’m like, “Just get me off this thing. I don’t want to be with this degree of discomfort.” I think that’s okay. I just think as long as we’re continuously engaged with this question, we’ll be at least giving ourselves the benefit of asking that question and getting that answer.

Marc: While we’re playing in the playground of the brain here, let’s connect that into eating.

What does the brain have to do with eating?

Srini: A lot. Firstly, the hunger centers are in the brain. Eating is often related to hunger, and so if we understand what our brains are asking for a little bit more intimately we may have a better chance of actually intervening. I take a middle of the road stance on this. I’m not somebody who avoids cupcakes or martinis. But I do believe that it’s important to decide for yourself where you want to set your extremes and where you don’t, and then decide when you want to be moderate and when you don’t want to be moderate.

If your brain is giving you a hunger signal, the first thing I would say is ask yourself, what’s this about? Is it about reliving a past experience? Is it about truly being hungry? Is it about saying I’m hungry, and you’re just going for the first thing in sight? Could you surround yourself with something different, or is it really that thing that you’re after?

Just at the most basic level I think there are hunger instincts that are related to eating. But I think the science on that, my own personal interest with regard to the brain and eating has to do with decision making, and how we can make the changes that we want more effectively in order to be able to get to our goals.

There are so many exciting new things here that I feel––it’s hard to figure out which one to focus on. But I’ll say something, one of the things that I think is easy and simple initially, and then we can talk a little bit about goals and how you can use your brain to get to your goals when it comes to eating.

A lot of times people find it very hard to stick to diets. They’re like, I’m on a diet. It’s the new year. I want to be healthier. I want to work out. All this stuff is very general. The brain, when it gets such general messages we call these goal intentions. Goal intentions are intentions that are very broad.

There are two basic kinds of intentions in the brain. There are goal intentions and implementation intentions. Goal intentions are broad intentions like I want to be healthier, I want to lose weight, I want to eat better food. Implementation intentions are I want to go to the gym at 8 a.m. on Tuesday morning every week, where there’s a very specific directive. Your brain doesn’t have a whole lot of leeway there. It doesn’t have a whole lot of flexibility. It knows that there’s a specific thing that you want to do.

Studies have shown when it comes to eating and dieting that implementation intentions often are superior to goal intentions. If you can convert your broad goals into specific goals and put them into some kind of timetable, and then pursue them, you’re much more likely to be successful at your dietary choices than you are if you just leave your goals in this broad form.

Having said that, some of the more exciting research that contradicts that, but also doesn’t, is that we can’t really find an intention center in the brain. We’re not really sure what’s going on with this because it doesn’t seem like if you imagine an intention that something just comes up automatically. Instead you get a whole lot of different regions that start to light up. It’s like you have an intention, you press a switch, and it’s like all of a sudden you get these lights that come on.

What people are beginning to understand is that an intention is not just a cognitive statement. It’s not just I want to work out. It actually has to have the deep desire involved in it. It has to have the sense of loss acknowledged. It has to have the risks, the benefits, all of the stuff comes together and equals the intention.

I could say, “Oh yeah, I want to work out three times a week for at least an hour. That would be great.” Or I could say, “I definitely want to work out. I’m so psyched about this because I know that if I do this…” If you’re authentically connected with your goal, your brain is much more onboard than if you’re just giving it a little instruction and thinking it’s going to listen.

Think of yourself. If you had a conversation with someone at a dinner table and you were like, “Yes, that’s very nice. So what is it you want?” If they were speaking in a monotone, you’d go off to sleep. It’s the same thing. If you were talking to your brain in a monotone, your brain’s not going to listen to that.

So the first piece is resolve goal intentions into implementation intentions. The second piece is remember that an intention is not just an intellectual statement. It needs to involve your true and authentic emotions. If you’re not there, don’t force it. Just think about it. The third thing, which I think is one of the most intriguing lines of research these days which I’m very excited about, is that it appears that goals are not what we thought they were.

There’s a new line of thinking called a selfish goal theory, which is based on the selfish gene theory, which is basically that goals in your brain are just patterns of neuronal activation. You have a goal and then your brain knows it’s going to go from A to B to C to D. What studies are showing is that along the way––first, imagine you have a goal. I want to lose ten pounds. Or I want to eat less fat or less carbohydrates. Whatever you’re thinking, imagine you have a goal. Your brain actually starts developing––that goal operates independently of your overall wellbeing.

Classic example, and this applies to men or women. I’m using this specifically with women, although it really could apply to anyone. A woman says, “I want to have a baby in a conventional way,” which means that she wants to––so she says, “Step number one, I want to be in places where there are more men so I can meet someone I really like and then I want to have a baby.” It’s like, that’s cool. It serves her and it serves the goal. The goal is have a baby. It’s fine with the goal to be around more men and it’s fine with her.

Then number two is, “I want to also start looking better. I want to work out. I want to make sure that I’m eating healthily.” Great. Good for the goal. Good for the woman.

Goal number three, “I think I’m just going to take these diet pills that I don’t know anything about to completely lose weight.” Now all of a sudden we’re in this territory where the goal is developing momentum, and all that circuit cares about is itself.

In all our heads we have all these goals that are racing against each other, and they don’t necessarily care for the overall wellness of who we are. So what I would say is that when you have an eating goal, it’s important to manage the goal and not just have it and think it’s going to take you wherever you just set it, because along the way the goal has a life of its own and it’s just going to be about which neural circuit outweighs the other. Whichever one is talking the loudest in your brain is the one that’s going to get the priority.

Another thing I would say to people is don’t assume that your goal is a priority in your brain. Your brain may just have a cupcake priority. It may just be like, “My number one priority is to enjoy cupcakes.” I’m not saying that, but emotionally it’s embedded in your brain. So what you have to do is say, “Well, I think I need to prioritize this other goal,” and then go after that.

I’ll stop there, but summarize that the first step is to resolve goal intentions into implementation intentions. Make things more specific. Put it in a schedule. Number two, when you articulate your intentions speak to yourself with emotion that’s authentic. Number three, manage your goals rather than just setting them, because a goal has a life of its own and it will serve itself and not you.

Marc: When you say that about the selfish goal I think about how so many people over the years who I’ve encountered, they’ll have their weight loss goal and it usually means a number. I love questioning the number. Fascinating. You want to lose 25 pounds. Not

24. Not 21.5. You want to lose 25 pounds. Okay. Where does this number come from? That would put you at what weight? Okay, 120 pounds. When was the last time you weighed 120 pounds?

Then when we start to play around with where that number comes from, the person might be trying to weigh what they weighed when they were 16 years old, and they’re now 56 years old. Huh. Is the goal even doable? Is it reasonable?

Srini: Right. Absolutely. I think what this relates to is two other pieces of research that I think are interesting. One is that there’s another body of research that’s questioning whether we really need to be thinking in terms of what our goals are, or in terms of who we are.

What the brain research shows is if you say, “I have a goal. I want to lose 20 pounds,” we tend to focus on the want to lose 20 pounds. We forget about the “I”. Who wants to lose 20 pounds? Who is this person? Does this person really want to lose 20 pounds, and what does that mean to you? So the more we connect with who we are.

The way that I talk to people about this is that longterm memory in the hippocampus, which is just where memories are stored, has pictures. It’s like a museum. There are pictures of ourselves that are hung up in the museums of our minds. What we tend to do is we tend to ignore the fact that these pictures, some of them we didn’t even

curate. One is a picture of your teacher telling you, “You’re no good.” One is a picture of somebody else telling you, “You’re too fat.” One is a picture of somebody else telling you, “You’ll never get there.”

You don’t think about that consciously, but all of these pictures are hanging up in the memory banks, in the memory museum, of your brain. So before you even get to your goal, you really need to go into that museum and see what pictures you curated, and swap some pictures out for pictures that are going to actually help you with your goal.

That person was still keeping that picture of that relationship was traumatic. The story people will say is the relationship was traumatic. But the picture that’s hanging up is, I was useless. So you have an I was useless picture in your memory museum. You need to go back into the museum and say, “You know what, it’s time to get rid of you.” We’re curating a whole new set of pictures.

One of the things I will say to people related to what you’re saying is when you’re setting a goal it’s important for it to relate to who you are. Studies also show, and we talked initially about how do you remain committed to your goal, one of the ways is to actually develop an image that’s very powerful of what you want, because that image does also stimulate the motor cortex, which is the action center in the brain.

I won’t go into all of the details of how you construct an image, but it’s been shown by a lot of research, especially in sports people, that there’s a very particular eight or nine step process you can use to actually not just say I’m imagining myself 20 pounds lighter, because what is that? Is that an image? Is it a still picture? Is it a movie? Who’s 20 pounds lighter? What do you look like? Is it you?

A lot of times when people are imagining they want to be 20 pounds lighter, they’re imagining they want to transform into someone else. So the first thing I would say is when you’re constructing that image it needs to be real and about you. You need to believe that the thing that you’re after can happen now.

The question, for example, that comes up in this context is if you want to be a billionaire do you have to get a billion dollars before you can call yourself a billionaire, or do you start thinking like a billionaire now? So if you want to lose 20 pounds, do you think of yourself as someone who can lose 20 pounds only after you lose it? Or do you say, I’m going to think like a person who can lose 20 pounds? That person would

make certain dietary choices. That person would make certain exercise choices. That person would make certain stressrelated choices. We now know it’s not just about diet and exercise. It’s also about stress and the way that it impacts your weight.

Marc: That’s exciting for me because I also see so many times when I speak with people who are wanting to shape shift their body, they want it to look different, they want to lose weight, they want this part and less fat, whatever it is. When I ask the question who will you be when you have that result, how’s life going to be different, describe the new you, then they’ll describe the new you.

Generally speaking, it will be some combination of I’ll love myself more. I’ll be more engaged. I’ll be more out there. I’m having more fun. But meanwhile, the road that they’re choosing to take to get to that place is deprivation, or selfpunishment, or I have to constantly tell myself that this body I have right now is no good and I hate this. I’m thinking to myself, how are you going to end up at a destination of selflove if the journey is filled with not selflove?

Srini: Yeah, that resonates very much. Another example I think of this is you see this a lot in people who call themselves alcoholics. People who are addicted to alcohol, they’ll go into a program and then they’ll stop drinking alcohol. But the psychology has not changed. It’s what we call dry drunks. It’s like you’re not drinking alcohol, but whatever the selfhatred was initially, you’re still carrying that through with you.

You see this a lot at the gym. If you watch. The next time you go to a gym, just walk past all the treadmills, just walk throughout the whole gym and look at people and assess the degree of selflove that exists there. There’s not a lot of it. It always makes me think. That’s not a reason not to work out. It’s a reason to work out differently. It’s a reason to say, do you really want to motivate yourself with hatred your whole life?

You’re like, “I hate myself. I’ve got to get to my goals.” Being reprimanding is fine. It’s like a tennis player being like, “Come on!” It’s motivating. But I think the idea that you need to hate yourself in order to look a certain way and then keep that hatred in.

Remember, emotions are processed and come through your brain, and your brain is connected to the rest of your body. There’s a reason that when you look at any list of causes of cancer, stress is always somewhere at the top. It’s not just some abstract thing. It’s that the feelings you feel and the emotions that you feel and the selfhatred that you’re feeling is all flooding your brain with all kinds of hormones and neuronal

interactions that travel down the spinal cord and go to every other part of your body. Your heart cells, your hands, your legs, everything is being impacted by what’s going on in here. That’s not to say that it originates here, but at the very least we know it’s processing consciousness in some way.

So that’s the reason we now know that there are so many connections between the heart and the brain, the gut and the brain. If we look at the fact that gut bacteria, for example, the microbiome, have changed significantly in humans. They were evolving at a much slower pace in animals. In humans they suddenly started to evolve much faster and differently, and they started sending signals to the brain of anxiety and depression and problems thinking.

So when you’re thinking of yourself and your emotions and how you want to drive yourself, remember, all your different organs are connected. Getting rid of that belly fat means you have to consider what kind of brain state you want to have when you’re doing that. As you said, I think the brain state of selfhatred is probably not the kind of energy you want to put into your body.

Marc: In your work with patients, with clients, with humans, is selflove possible when you encounter a human who’s sitting before you struggling, wanting to figure out how do I shift this body so then I can love it?

Srini: It’s a paradox. I think my thoughts of this have evolved over time. I used to believe that a certain amount of selfacceptance gets really close to this place of selflove. I definitely don’t think that the usual periodical kind of, “Oh my god, I love myself,” I don’t know anybody who actually gets up every day being like, “I love myself!” It seems like an absurd state to be in.

I’ve had clients who come in saying things like, “Please don’t talk to me with this selflove thing. Love is for someone else to feel towards me. I don’t want to love myself. I think it’s dumb. It’s ridiculous.” I think deep down a lot of people feel like that’s difficult.

My current view on selflove is that selflove is about not chopping up yourself into pieces, into an observing self and an experiencing self, having a constant editor, but to experience a oneness of yourself and a oneness with the world. I think when you realize and you fit within this bigger picture, that’s when you get a sense of ecstasy.

That’s when you get a self of wellbeing. It’s different from the kind of wellbeing that we associate with what we call hedonia. Hedonic responses are sex, drugs and rock and roll. Nothing wrong with that. Awesome. The only problem is it’s shortlived.

The question is, how can we make it last longer? Studies now show that eudaimonia, which is wellbeing, which is about meaning and purpose, gets your brain’s reward center to activate much longer than sex, drugs and rock and roll. One of the things we want to do is how can we include more contemplation and conversations around meaning and purpose to create this feeling of wellbeing, and activate the brain’s reward center for a longer period of time.

I don’t want to say this abstractly, because I truly understand that there’s something dumb about thinking like that. I truly understand. You don’t get up in the morning and like, “What’s my meaning today? What’s my purpose?” So I’m not suggesting that.

I’m suggesting, can you take a half hour a week, just go to your favorite place, be alone, and ask yourself that question? Take some time and ask yourself, what in my life is aligned with my meaning? It doesn’t have to be somebody else’s meaning. I find these days a lot of people feel guilty about it. They feel like they want to start with I want a social service and I want to serve people. Forget about that. I’m just asking, what is your meaning and purpose?

If your meaning and purpose is having fun, then I’m going to ask you, does your life have components that are going to allow you to have fun? If your meaning and purpose is to serve others, then ask yourself, then how do you want to be served? Do you not want to be served? Why do you not want to be served? Don’t just go with a rote feeling about something. I think selflove comes from recognizing your needs, and then putting your needs in context, and then finding a relationship with the world where you can be in a dynamic interchange with the universe.

So my feeling about selflove I think covers two zones. One is this relational oneness with the world that I think really comes fundamentally from not constantly through seeing yourself as separate, in all these separate divisions. People who have multiple personalities are often a distinct example of this. I’ve got my this part and my this part, courageous part of my wild self and my introverted self. This is all one self.

So to the extent that we can do things to enhance this feeling of oneness, I think we really feel connected to the world. There are things you can actually do to do this.

Studies show that when people are synchronized, when our brains our synchronized, we have a greater feeling of wellbeing than when they’re not. So seeking synchrony in human relationships is a great start to how we can feel this selflove.

Marc: Let me fumble around here for a moment with this topic. There’s a question that I want to ask. It’s something to do with I’m putting myself in the shoes of so many of us who, “I love this part of myself and I don’t love that part of myself. Yeah, I love my hands.

But I don’t love my biceps.” It’s like whatever it is. We get very conditional around the love. I will love myself when I lose these ten pounds and I look different, so until then the love is conditional.

I’m trying to resolve that with what you’ve just shared, this concept of a mission, of a purpose. It almost feels like there’s an impossibility. Who really loves their body unconditionally? Maybe there are people like, “I love every part of this.” There’s going to be things we don’t like. You could eat are your favorite restaurant and your best meal, and it there might be something that’s just not so. There’s always going to be this place where we don’t love. Is there still something that can contain that that’s a bigger love, I guess is what I’m asking here.

Srini: I think that as long as you’re observing yourself, keeping the observer alive and looking at this other part of yourself, I don’t think that love is possible. I don’t think you can actually feel love if you’re saying I love my body, because whatever that feeling is that you’re feeling I would then ask, who loves your body? Your brain loves your body. Okay, I get it. But I don’t feel like that creates the kind of happiness and love that people are after.

I think that one of the things to be aware of, one of the questions this begs is, what is the body? Is the body your ultimate reality, or is the body a vehicle so that you can experience a consciousness that is much greater than that? If you see your body as a vehicle, then you can change the vehicle. You don’t necessarily look at it as the ultimate truth, like I need to change this part to look like that and that becomes your absorption.

The idea is sculpting this vehicle to be able to channel whatever consciousness exists outside of us. By this I really mean we don’t have to get very New Agey about this. It’s

just like if someone’s talking to you, the way in which you’re present when you’re talking to them, if you’re watching TV, the way in which you’re watching TV.

David Lynch, the movie director, talks about this in a cool way. He’s done transcendental meditation for a long time. He says if you look at the world with a golfballsized consciousness, and you look outside your window, the world will appear to be the size of a golf ball. If you’re in a relationship and you have a golfballsized consciousness, your relationship will be of that size.

But with transcendental meditation, which is one of his practices, and I’ll just say, from a research perspective mindfulness meditation has a lot of research backing it up these days as well, as you expand your consciousness you get away from my left arm and my bicep and my body. You get more into understanding that the world is so much larger than yourself. You take the focus off of yourself, and understand yourself as part of something larger.

So to answer your question, which is I think how do we get rid of the obsessions with specific selfhatred, I think you can joke about it, you can be aware of it. You can say, “Man, I have this thing and I just don’t like it.” or, “I don’t like how my hands look,” and that’s that. But at the same time, what’s funny about it is you could look at––

Walker Evans, the photographer, captured this really beautifully. He took photographs of all kinds of people. He would show the hand of a farm laborer in black and white.

Most people when they think of how do I want my hands to look it’s like, did I have a manicure, do my hands look the way they’re supposed to look. This farm laborer didn’t have any manicure, but when you look at it you just fall in love with that hand because there’s something so real about it and something so present about it.

I think we’ve been misled in how we think we appreciate beauty and what we can get from it, because I think we live in a much more structural world and not in an integrated world. So I think the way someone’s hand looks––think about mothers feel about their children, or fathers feel about their children. Your child can look however. You can still feel the most amazing kind of love for them, and you genuinely feel that. Studies show that there’s a specific kind of nurturance.

So if you take that as a metaphor and you ask yourself, “Sure, so my hand doesn’t look like a model’s hand and my bicep doesn’t look like a model’s bicep. Is there a way

I can be in the world to be my most beautiful self?” I think from my perspective that comes mostly from being interested in being real and selfconnected, and to know that being real is not as easy as I’m making it sound. I don’t think you just become real in the world. For all intents and purposes, I’m being authentic. But I’m also not telling you my deepest, darkest secrets. I have a dark side, and I save it for places where I might feel safer.

But I think more and more as we feel integrated with all these different parts of ourselves, and as we feel like we can be more present in the world as ourselves without having to talk about it, just be it, I think you’ll find that even your hands feel different. I’ve seen this sometimes with––and again, it’s just that it’s biased in terms of the people that I’ve talked to.

Women who have done pottery, for example, if you look at their hands they have various kinds of hands, stemming from conventionally beautiful to fine. But when they’re in the moment of the pottery, their hands become these sense organs that receive the beauty of that experience, and every single person in that room feels like they have a model’s hands.

So I think what I’m saying is it’s not just what your body is, but what your body is to you and how you’re using it in the world. I personally don’t think there are any perfect answers to this. I just think the value of the kind of dialogue we’re having is to stimulate thoughts in people and say, to what extent do I need to forgive myself a little bit more? I’m way too harsh. Let me figure out one or two things where I can say that’s fine.

But secondly, do realize that beauty is not just about the structural element of a thing. I think all over the world, whether it’s landscapes, people, sculptures, works of art––if you think about how people appreciate Bob Dylan’s voice, for example, it’s not a conventionally melodic voice. But there’s something about his authenticity that when people love him they’re not saying, “Oh, he sings melodically like Christina Aguilera.” What they’re saying is there’s a guy and he’s sharing his real stuff with you, and it makes you feel real.

So I think that the body is an instrument that we can use to connect more deeply with our own sense of authenticity and reality. The more we do this, the more our concept of who we are will change. Because when you can’t change the external reality, and

this is the beauty of the brain science, what you see is strongly determined by how you receive it by your brain. So if you change what’s receiving it, you will receive yourself differently.

Marc: Beautifully put, my friend. Words of wisdom for sure. I’d love to keep going on and on, and hopefully I will get to have more beautiful conversations with you. Meanwhile, I’d love to wrap up with a couple of questions. First, where do you want to see us go when it comes to what heals, when it comes to how we’re transforming ourselves?

When you look into your crystal ball, what do you see happening?

Srini: I personally have a much deeper respect for not knowing. I think that there’s a feeling of surrender in not knowing. Sometimes I tell people it’s a bit like floating in a pool on a hot summer’s day. It’s a feeling of trusting that if you are genuinely engaged with your journey, if you’re truly engaged, that your brain will take you to those questions that you need to answer to get somewhere.

I think that it’s less about making excuses or trying to look that way or trying to look this way, and more about opening up yourself to a life of questions. I think answers are great, but questions are the core drivers of discovery. I think that this whole field of better psychological health, better physical health, better eating habits, really has to do with asking more questions and being able to engage each other in these dialogues so that we can figure out for ourselves the changes that we want to make.

So I really think to the future as much more about dialogues around not knowing, and then having these kinds of structural approaches. Goal to intention, activate your left frontal cortex, those are cool techniques that come out of asking questions. But I think as long as we stay in question we’re on the right path.

Marc: Well put. Thank you. How can viewers and listener stay in touch with you, learn more about what you’re up to and engage more in your world? What should we know?

Srini: I would love to engage with the viewers. Our website is www.nbgselfhelp.com. You can also look me up, just one word, drsrinipillay.com. I would love for people to visit the site, tell us more of what they want. Maybe even tell us more about the kinds of conversations they’d like us to have, because I think for me the joy of this journey really is about collaboration. It would be great to be able to be in more conversations about this.

Marc: Srini, I so deeply appreciate your very heartfelt approach to the complex topics of being a human alive on human earth and having a brain, and wanting us to figure out what do we do with all this. I just so appreciate what feels like a very renaissance approach that you take. So thank you so much for your work.

Srini: Thank you very much, Marc. I really appreciate you as well.

Marc: Thank you, everybody, for tuning in. Once again, I’m Marc David on behalf of The Future of Healing Online Conference. I’ve been with Dr. Srini Pillay. Please check him out. Lots more to come, my friends.

from Healthy Living https://psychologyofeating.com/the-neuropsychology-of-eating-interview-with-dr-srini-pillay/

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treehugginglibrarian · 7 years

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The Decade That Was Lost

I was chatting with a coworker on eclipse day while watching the world turn dark and, as is want to happen when talking with people who don’t know me well, he asked how long I’d been in the service and such. He then, only slightly jokingly, stated that I must have taken quite a pay cut coming from the military to librarianship. Far from being offended by the question, I answered it happily. Yes, I took an enormous pay cut. I took a $40,000 pay cut to get out of the Army. Even now, five years later, I make at least $30,000 less annually than I did when I was at Fort Drum. Yet, I live more comfortably than some of my non-military friends who likely make more than I do.

A couple weekends ago I was out with my family when my aunt, in a discussion about the troubles plaguing my generation, made a comment I have gotten all too used to: “You are doing well. You and Lesia have it together.” And I was forced to remind her, as I am often forced to remind people, that my ability to have it together despite making almost no money did not come without a price. My ability to take a $40,000 pay cut and bounce back from it is not something that was born out sheer grit and determination alone. My ability to make it through grad school working “only” 22.5 hours a week, with seemingly ample time to train for whatever triathlon had caught my eye at that moment, was not something I was gifted by a magical fairy who flitted down from a money tree.

These things came courtesy of a decade of my life that was lost, if you will, to a uniform that most people will never have routine contact with, let alone put on themselves.

Some background, first, so that my current-status as “high-functioning adult with her shit together” makes proper sense.

The average income of millennials varies by region, but no matter what region you look at millennials are never making more than $41,000, on average. In a couple states, they don’t clear the $20,000 mark. In most states, they are pulling in somewhere between $20k and $30k per year. This might go a ways towards explaining how millennials have managed to be the death of the car industry, the real estate industry, and the paper napkin industry. Bitch- we ain’t got cash for shit like houses, cars, and paper napkins! Not when paper towels are so much cheaper and so much more versatile. All jokes aside, many millennials really don’t have the money for a house. Even if they’re clearly making the money for the mortgage, evidenced by the fact that their rent is significantly higher than a mortgage payment would be, they don’t have the savings for the down payment. A fact that is compounded by the omnipresent being that is “student loans,” lurking behind basically every millennial’s dreams for a better tomorrow.

My income as a librarian is, with my new job, a hair over the average income for my state. I’m guessing it’s much higher than the average income for my region within the state, if the generally low cost of living in Cleveland is any indication. That’s step two (no, I didn’t skip one. I just haven’t talked about it yet) towards achieving the “American Dream” when you’re making money that’s stupidly shitty compared to the generations that came before you. What’s that? You’re not so sure that the money I’m making is stupidly shitty? I beg to differ, my friend.

The first real job I remember my father having was for a lovely company named Cray Research, in St. Paul, Minnesota. He worked for the government before that, but I was in my mother’s stomach and thus don’t remember it. Damn shame, too, since he worked for NASA and shit. Anyway, the pay that he made back then would, in today’s dollars, would be worth about $64,000 annually. As the average pay for a Software Engineer I working at Cray Research is listed on glassdoor as being a bit over $65,000 right now, I’d say new Cray employees have kind of gotten the shaft. The cost of pretty much the entire world has gone up exponentially, yet comparably speaking, Software Engineers aren’t actually doing that much better than before when they’re just starting out. Yet, they are doing significantly better than people who decided that computers just weren’t their jam.

Average pay for a librarian in 1985 was the equivalency of $42,000 per year, about $4,000 less than the average pay a librarian makes right now is. Here’s where things get a little sticky, though. My dad, now 30 years into his career, makes about $140,000 a year. At least one of his previous jobs came with an offer of stock options which, when the company finally sold, netted him nearly a quarter of a million dollars. The furthest I could ever make it in my career is a library director, of some sort. The average pay for a library director is $87,000 per year. If I stay where I currently am, I would make less than that. Moving to another major city would possibly net me more money as a director, but could also come with a significant increase in cost of living. Larger library systems will pay larger salaries, but will also come with heightened stress levels and longer work hours. As a librarian, stock options are something I will never be able to take advantage of. We don’t get severance packages, working from home is rarely an option, and not all libraries actually offer comprehensive benefits.

I selected this field knowing that it wouldn’t make me rich and that I would always be doing worse, financially, than my parents. This issue, however, plays into a broader issue overall within my generation. We were told “Go to school!” without being told what to go to school for. No one specified, “Go to school for tech!” or “Go to school for engineering!” They said, only, “Go to school!” And so, to school we went. To study IT and biology and chemistry, sure. But, more often still, to study the things that aren’t going to net us a lot of cash but that made us happy. We studied English, literature, art, dance, theater, history, education, and so forth. The “Arts and Humanities.” The “Soft Sciences.” Looking back on it, most of us know it was completely absurd and wonder how we thought we’d make it with a degree in whatever the hell we selected, but with the little guidance we had been given, “Go to school!” those options all seemed perfectly viable at the time.

Whether those options ARE viable and whether any of those people are being paid enough, for the work they put in or the general level of satisfaction they tend to bring others with the work that they do, is a lengthy conversation for a different day. The short version is that I was required to have a Masters degree in order to start work in my field. My father was making more than twice the salary I am now before he was nudged into graduate school. We don’t just value tech “more” than other fields, we value tech exponentially more than other fields. Which means, eventually, tech is going to be oversaturated and we’ll actually end up with tech workers unemployed. It also means, eventually, our world is going to be slightly boring because, for all their genius, tech workers are not going to ensure we are entertained when we happen to turn off our devices.

Ok, now that we’ve established that the money I’m making is stupidly shitty all things considered, let’s talk about this “American Dream” we’re all supposed to be chasing. A house, a white picket fence, a spouse, a dog, and 2.5 kids. That’s what it is, right? As established, step two in actually achieving that dream in today’s day and age is to live somewhere that has a cost of living that is insanely low. Which isn’t as easy as you would think. Most places with low costs of living have said low costs for a reason, namely, no one wants to live there. Odds are, if no one wants to live there it’s because there isn’t much in the line of employment there. I got lucky, sort of. I work in a field that just so happens to lay claim to Ohio as a stronghold and I live in a region that is, as we speak, rapidly gentrifying. Which means I’m living somewhere that isn’t complete shit, where I have easy access to most things I want, and I’m doing it for a reasonable price.

The average cost of a house purchased last month was $380,000. That’s the average. Remember the average salary of a millennial right now? That’s right, $41k was an average that was making it big. And that average belongs to Washington DC, a city not exactly known for particularly affordable housing. While this means that many houses were going for less than $380,000, it also means that some were going for far more. Moreover, we can be damn certain that a fair number of the ones going for significantly less were in cities that have less to offer in the way of job prospects, or were houses in need of significant work, effectively upping the purchase price by two or three times the stated cost of the house. In short, an “average” millennial salary is effectively incapable of purchasing an “average” house in this country. Which makes step three a rather obvious one, purchase someplace where the market is acting in favor of buyers.

My wife and I purchased in an arguably depressed neighborhood. This is, in fact, a separate issue from simply living someplace where the general cost of living is low. Generally speaking, the cost of living in Shaker Heights is lower than in many other urban areas in this country, because it’s still in a Cleveland zip code. That said, purchasing there is a financial nightmare. The taxes are exorbitant, the houses are beautiful but ancient, the prices are often insane, and the city itself borders on being a home owners association. Yet it is, technically, in the same urban region that we chose to purchase in. We purchased in a neighborhood with a struggling school district, a few houses that had been foreclosed upon, and a half dozen houses in the process of being renovated. Ours was one that had just been flipped. We made it cheaper still by taking out a home loan that didn’t require a down payment (see number one; alternatively, research an FHA loan and see if you’re eligible). At $90,000 we got a nice house, in an area that is trending upward, and now enjoy mortgage rates that are lower than our rent ever would have been. Even in a cheap ass city like Cleveland.

Aside regarding rent in this country: The average rent in this country for a two-bedroom apartment is a hair over $1,200 a month. A one-bedroom can be gotten for just under a thousand. Average rent in Cleveland, in general, is $762. A rental space with more than one bedroom is likely to cost more than that, and the addition of pets to a living space will up the rent by anywhere from $10 to $50 per month, per furry friend. The last place we rented came out to about $880 a month when all the “extras” were tagged on and it was, frankly, a shit hole owned by a slum lord. Even in an economically depressed area such as this, we can mortgage a newly renovated house for over a hundred dollars less per month than it cost us to rent a two bedroom hovel. This will not be true in all circumstances, for all people, or in all cities, though. Particularly for those who require minimal space, renting may be cheaper for them than purchasing. Okay, back to the point of all this!

“But, but, but,” you say, “I can’t live somewhere that’s economically depressed and has a shitty school system. Who will educate my kids?” Which brings me to step four in your quest for the “American Dream.” Accept that certain aspects of the American Dream are at odds with one another and that, right now, on the average millennial income, choices must be made. That’s right. If you’re making the average income of someone in my age bracket, and you don’t want to be shit broke, step four is to not have kids. The USDA estimates that a middle-income couple with two children will spend an average of $234,000 to get a child to the age of 18. Obviously if you don’t have the money to spend, you’re likely to spend less and be far less comfortable in your child-rearing venture. If you have more money to spend, precisely the opposite will be the case. No matter what end of the spectrum you are on, you are looking at tiny beings that are going to suck up somewhere around a quarter of a million dollars. Each. And that assumes that they get to 18 and you stop spending money on them. Fat chance there.

So yeah. Step four if you want to seem like a financially with it adult who is able to do adult things and live an adult life in whatever way they want is to not have small, adorable, screaming, loveable, financial leeches. At least, not until you’re well and truly ready, financially, to do so.

One of the most surefire ways to ensure you’ll be well and ready, financially, for adorable parasites at a young age, is to avoid taking on any debt that isn’t truly necessary. That’s right, I’m looking at you, college loans. Step five in living the seemingly put together life that my wife and I live is to ensure you take out no school loans. Because those things are expensive and consume about a quarter of your paycheck every month, it seems like. I don’t really know for sure since I don’t have any. I have a little bit of credit card debt, but that’s about it. I don’t even have a car payment anymore. It’s amazing how quickly you can pay shit down when you don’t have a school loan to make payments on! (Yes, I am being intentionally obnoxious with this one). From a financial standpoint, educational loans are probably the biggest ball and chain my generation has been saddled with, and they are undeniably the one that sets us the furthest apart from generations before us.

The average student today leaves college with $25,000 in loans, making it necessary to pony up $280 per month, assuming they’ve put themselves on a ten year repayment plant. That’s almost a car payment. For ten fucking years. And that assumes you only go through undergrad. Since undergrad is rapidly becoming necessary just to utter the words “would you like fries with that,” you can bet that a solid portion of my generation is carrying more school debt than that because they’ve been forced to go on for their Masters degrees before really even settling into their careers. For comparison, the average level of school debt people between 35 and 50 are carrying is about $20,000. That’s because they went back for their graduate degrees a decade into their careers, well after they had started paying on the initial student loans they took out.

In 1970, a year when the average annual income across all domestic industries was about $7,700, roughly the equivalent of $49,000 today, the average cost of a year’s education at a public, four year, institution was $358, or $2,292 by today’s standards. The average cost of tuition and fees for an in-state resident attending a state school was $9,650 for the 2016 to 2017 school year. Well over three times the average in 1970. Millennials are the most educated generation this country has ever produced, but are being paid an average of $8,000 to $18,000 less than the average income in 1970, while being expected to shell out at least three to four times as much for the education necessary for these, now paltry, earnings. As I said, avoiding the trap that is school loans may actually need to be steps one through “all the rest of them.”

So that leaves us with:

Step Two: Live somewhere cheap.

Step Three: Buy a cheap house, preferably while avoiding a down payment.

Step Four: Don’t have kids.

Step Five, aka, the MOST IMPORTANT STEP: Avoid student loans.

What’s Step One?

Join the military.

Joining the military won’t guarantee you a cheap house, as that will depend upon where you decide to purchase. It will, however, give you ready access to a loan system that comes with pretty low financing rates and the ability to waive the down payment if you feel so inclined. It also won’t prevent you from having children, but it will make them more affordable if you choose to have them, and make avoiding them easier if you don’t want them. Birth control will never be more than $8 a month through the VA system, and the average cost of $8,800 per delivery, even with health insurance, will be dramatically lower through the VA system. If you join and choose to stay in, your health care and your kids’ health care will be covered via TriCare. If you join the National Guard and choose to stay in, you can pay for this insurance option and enjoy much lower premiums than standard market insurance usually offers. So yeah, the military won’t prevent you from having screaming urchins but it will make them cheaper.

The military will also make it far easier to accomplish the most important task in your quest for today’s “American Dream,” avoidance of student loans. While my parents were kind enough to pay for the first year of my undergraduate degree, the military paid for the last three via scholarships and ROTC loans. In exchange for this, I gifted them five years of active duty service to include two spent in the middle east in one way or another. This was one year more than I technically owed them, which meant they then covered 60% of a dual Masters degree I obtained after coming off active duty. If I’d really wanted to, I could have applied for funding through the National Guard to cover the other 40%, but I didn’t want to owe them any more time than I was already going to be giving them. So instead, I pulled the extra 40% out of a savings account that still had some $30,000 in it from a year in Iraq in which I earned a lot of money, while having no dependents and no bills, and paid no taxes on any of it. The military gifted me a level of financial security that none of my civilian friends seem to be enjoying right now. But it did so at a bit of a price.

I lost most of my college years, absorbed by uniforms, rules, summer training rounds, and copious amounts of early morning exercise, and I didn’t even go to a military school. Sure, some of it was fun and much of my life was “the same” as any other students would have been. I was, by force, far more reticent with what I could do, how I could behave, and what I could engage in, though. I owed my education to the military and I knew, if I represented them improperly the punishment could well be expulsion from the program and the forced repayment of that money. Since they were paying for my tuition, my rooming, my board, my books, and providing me with a living stipend, this was a pretty terrifying prospect, financially. I knew that if I decided I really didn’t want to commission, my parents would help me with the process. I also knew that if I got kicked out of the program for poor behavior or poor performance, they wouldn’t be quite so generous.

I then lost most of my twenties to the Army itself. I rang in 23 while living in Israel, studying shit I never used again and learning that much of what the Army would later teach me about fighting insurgents was completely ineffectual. I rang in 24 while in Maryland, at training. I rang in 25 in Kuwait, on my way to Iraq. 26 and 27 were both celebrated up at Fort Drum, albeit with dramatically different groups of people since I was in different units for both birthdays. By the time I got to 28 I was off active duty and living in Ohio, where I proceeded to spend three years of my life giving the National Guard copious amounts of my time for what ended up being, when calculated out, often less than $4.00 an hour. I coupled that with a three year break from any sort of vacation, as they enjoyed sending me on working “vacations” to lovely events like Annual Training and Captain’s Career Course. I was into my 30th year before I finally took the uniform off, for good, and was able to live a completely normal life.

Ten years. Ten years is what it cost me to have what “looks like” the American Dream at the age of 32. Ten years that I will never get back. Ten years that are, in theory, supposed to be rather formative years of our lives. While I cannot imagine what my life would have been, what I would have been, had I not worn the uniform for those ten years, I didn’t do it for what it would bring me afterwards. I didn’t join the service thinking, “gee, this will really help me financially when I finally decide to get out.” Most of us didn’t. Some joined thinking the retirement plan would be nice, but very few joined realizing just how far ahead of their peers, financially, they stood to end up because of one decision made when they were 18 or 20 years old. Yes, my wife and I seem to have our lives together. And all we had to do to get to that point was forfeit ten years of my existence and an ongoing number of hers.

No one should have to do that to live comfortably in America. That is not the America that I lost that decade on behalf of. That is not the America that I, or anyone, should want to live in. We can do better. We must do better. We owe it to ourselves, and to the generation coming after us, to do better. My generation didn’t make this mess, but we will damn sure try to clean it up. While we’re doing so, perhaps the generations that did make this mess could do us all a small favor?

Shut the fuck up about how lazy you think we are. It’s a tired refrain coming from the assholes who got to come up in a country where one minimum wage job could secure you enough money to buy a home and raise a family, only to turn around and create a country in which financial success and parity is most easily and readily gained by sacrificing ten years of your life to a cause that is most certainly going to put you in a literal war zone. Your opinion on how we are living our lives isn’t just unwanted, it’s completely useless. The world you think we’re living in, the one you were raised in and brought your own children up in, does not exist anymore. And that is completely your fault. We are living in an economic disaster that you created. Since you refuse to take credit for it, the least you can do is shut the fuck up while we muddle through it. Or don’t. Frankly, I don’t care. Most millennials know the truth of the matter at this point. Bare that in mind the next time you wonder why “kids these days” have no respect for their elders.

Because, clearly, their elders never intended to have any respect for them.

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cristyamanda · 7 years

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The last time I travelled was in 2012 – that was a trip to Perth with my dad. Since then, I have not flown in a plane due to projects, lack of finances and Suzie’s deteriorating health. For the first time in 5 years, I flew by plane on a short break to Bangkok with Marion. The last time I visited Bangkok was in 2009, it’s been 8 years.

Like most couples, we’ve always wanted to have as many adventures together – whether it’s a physical adventure, spiritual, emotional or mental, whether it’s locally or overseas – we enjoy the idea of building memories and experiencing things together. To be honest, I still ask my parents if I can travel to certain places. I don’t know why I do that, maybe it’s because I’m still living under their roof. Also, being traditional, I know that a lot of people would have other ideas of what could happen if I travel with my partner alone, what more my parents. Upon graduating from Lasalle with my Bachelors, which is 2 years back, I asked if I could have my graduation trip with Marion and that conversation turned sour almost instantly so I never thought to ask them again.

I don’t have many friends I’d like to travel with as well because I worry that we may not have the same traveling chemistry or that I’d be limited in what I’d like to do. I’d rather go on solo trips (even though I have not done so yet) than to go with people who I might not enjoy my holiday with so much. Even though I secured my first job (my current job) last year and had the finances to travel, I didn’t do so because of the reasons stated above. Just recently, my Tita (aunt in Tagalog) helped to ask my dad for me if I could travel with Marion. I know I sound like a scared child here because I really was. I was afraid the conversation would turn sour again after the last time but deep in my heart, I really wanted to travel with Marion because there’s no one else I’d rather share these experiences with. To my surprise, my dad actually gave the green light. Maybe it’s because I’m already an adult with my own money and I can make those decisions for myself. I don’t know what the actual reason is but I am grateful that my dad was more lenient about it and trusted me not to do anything I would regret. Of course, I respect my dad a lot and I wouldn’t do anything that I know would disappoint him. I wouldn’t do anything that I’d regret too.

So anyway enough about the back story – Bangkok wasn’t the first trip I actually asked my dad about. In January this year, Marion and I planned for a trip to Penang in May (during my birthday week). Bangkok was actually a very last minute, impulsive thing and that was only because we were informed that there were still available concert tickets for Coldplay. We bought our concert tickets before booking flight and hotel because we’re crazy, and we only secured all of that 3 weeks before flying off.

On the Air Asia from Changi Airport T1 to Don Mueang Airport. Waiting for the plane to take off.

In case you were wondering why we were so crazy to make it for the A Head Full of Dreams Tour, let me provide you with one more backstory. If not, you can skip this paragraph and go straight to the trip diary. I don’t have a specific favourite band/musician that I follow up on albums frequently or even occasionally. I have a few whose music or few songs I do enjoy such as Arctic Monkeys, Lifehouse, Switchfoot, A1 (in my childhood days), N’Sync (also in my childhood days), blink-182, The Click Five (in my teenhood), Ed Sheeran, HAIM, Imagine Dragons, James Bay, Jason Mraz, John Mayer, Linkin Park (the old songs), Maroon 5, The Paper Kites – and even so I actually had to comb through my Spotify list for an idea of what songs I listen to. The ones named here is only if I have 5 or more songs from them saved in my song list. I basically enjoy music generally and am mainstream like that, more often than not I rely on Top Hits Chart or recommendations from my very cool niece, Nikki, or my expert boyfriend, Marion. When Marion told me he’d like to attend a concert with me as one of the things that’s on his bucket list, I was immediately filled with gloom. You see, I don’t want to go for a concert that I wouldn’t fully enjoy because I wouldn’t know most of the songs to. I basically didn’t want to be poser. I would at the very least enjoy the few mainstream songs they’d play and be clueless for the rest of the setlist. I guess you can enjoy a concert just by listening and not signing along but it’s more fun if you know the lyrics and at what point does the song get exciting that it requires you to jump to the rhythm. So when he asked me which concert would I actually attend, I told him it’d be Coldplay for sure because I enjoy a lot of Coldplay’s songs and have a better idea of their albums. Proof of this statement is in my Facebook status update in 2013 before we had any idea that Coldplay would be touring Asia too –

So yes, that’s one thing I can cross from my bucket list. I never thought I’d be able to because we attempted to get the tickets in Singapore thrice but got logged out everytime we were about to make payment. I’m so thankful we managed to get them for Bangkok.

The travel journal begins –

6 April –

Woke up to get ready and check through if I packed everything. The night before I scheduled an uber ride for 8am. I wasn’t done getting ready at 8am and my driver cancelled on me which caused me a cancellation fee of SGD 6 :( Also, the driver sounded really grumpy when he first called to check.

Note to self: Wake up an hour and a half before leaving to get ready.

I panicked for a bit because I didn’t want us to be late for the checking in process. I planned for us to be at the airport 2 hours before flight departure. Thankfully, I managed to call another driver to pick us up and he was much friendlier too. We picked Marion up along the way and reached the airport. Initially, we planned to have our breakfast before going through baggage check and after checking in but things didn’t go according to plan once again.

Firstly, my luggage had a luggage cover so I didn’t think I needed to put a luggage tag since it’s already noticeable that it’s mine. Unforutnately, someone else on the same flight had the exact same luggage cover as mine so we bought a luggage tag from one of the shops at Changi Airport to ensure it’s distinguishable.

Secondly, the check-in process is now replaced with machines. They still had the counters in case anybody needed assistance but we weren’t aware the counters were still available. We attempted to check in with the machines but there was an error because we’re incredibly silly. The names we used to book our flights consisted of just the first name and surname instead of the actual full name reflected on our passports. I mean, seriously… after 5 years of not flying and I became this dumb concerning flights. To be fair, it’s the first flight I handled on my own without the help from my parents. :P (Yes, I should be embarrassed at this point)

Note to self: When booking flight, always put in your FULL name. Also, always get a luggage tag because your luggage cover is not customised.

So we went to the counter for assistance and checked in successfully. We had our breakfast at Dunkin Donuts pass the custom check point before we boarded our flight. We wanted to listen to some Coldplay in the plane but were told we couldn’t even switch on our electronic devices despite it being on airplane mode when the plane is taking off. We thought that it meant we couldn’t even switch it on so we didn’t throughout the whole flight. It was only when we landed that we realised we could only switch it on and to airplane mode once we’ve taken off.

Travel Tip for Budget Airlines: You can download the shows/movies you’d like to see on Netflix so that it can play offline while you’re on the plane. It’s safe to listen to music on your phone/iPad once plane has taken off.

Upon reaching Bangkok (Don Mueang Airport), we contacted Ton. Ton is from Thailand tours by taxi guide. I got to know him through my dad. Ton also showed my sister and her boyfriend around when they were in Bangkok last month. Let me give you a summary of his business – If you are going to Thailand and have a rough idea of what you’d like to do and see but no idea how to plan your itinerary, Ton is the man to ask. He helps to plan your itinerary. The difference with this tour as compared to company tours is that it’s very personalised and you won’t feel the need to rush to different places.

Before meeting Ton and after clearing customs, we went to get Thailand sim card for my iPhone so that I can get 3G for the days we’d be in Bangkok. By the time we met Ton, it was about 1.30pm (Bangkok Time). We didn’t purchase any meals on board so we were starving at that time. Our hotel check-in time starts at 3pm so we asked Ton if he knew of any good place for us to have lunch. He didn’t need to drive us there or wait for us since he was only asked to pick us up from the airport to arrive at our hotel, but being the kind and hospitable man he is, he found us a good and affordable place for lunch as a stopover.

I didn’t find out the name of the restaurant nor did I document the food we ate but here’s a picture of us with Ton.

Ton’s a very honest and friendly person. He has so much to share about BKK. Talking to him makes you see how much he really enjoys his job. I truly enjoyed the conversation we had with him and I cannot thank him enough for all the recommendations and all the advice/tips. When we go back to BKK for a longer trip, no doubt we will ask Ton to help us plan our itinerary.

By the time we reached Nasa Vegas Hotel, it was close to 4pm. The hotel’s building looked very outdated and run down. We didn’t have any serious problems checking in although the service was a bit slow. They only had two receptionist checking guest in and out. We also had problems finding our room. I don’t know how we managed to take the staff lift instead of the guest lift but they both looked the same to us. So when we reached our floor, we ended up in some dark, dingy room with lots of papers and boxes. I freaked out because I was wondering where is the hallway or where are the rest of the rooms. After a good 10 seconds of figuring out our surroundings, I opened the only door in the room which led to the hallway to all the rooms – it was only then that we realised we took the staff lift instead. I wonder why the staff didn’t mention anything to us. When we got to our room, the key card did not work even though I tried it numerous times. I don’t know if my hand is jinxed or what but when Marion tried it, it worked.

So, entering our room was not a sight to behold. It was far from it. I can’t complain because it is a 3-star hotel. Firstly, the carpeted floors were not clean in my opinion. I’ll get to that later. The cupboard was really old and did not slide easily. You had to drag the sliding doors every single time you wanted to open and close it. We did not have a safe nor did we have free wifi. They did mention these on their site so I won’t complain about that but let me talk a little bit about the wifi. The wifi is only accessible to one user and you have to pay for it per day. Since I had 3G on my phone, Marion paid for the hotel’s wifi for two days. He couldn’t log on to the wifi and when he managed to, he only did so for two hours. That was a real annoyance. Back to the hotel – the toilets were a little gross to me. There was a weird stain in the bathtub and the floor carpet did not soak water up well. Once it got wet, it’d remain wet and gross for the rest of the day so you don’t actually have a floor towel to dry your feet with when you step out of the tub. The aircon generator was very noisy and if we didn’t close the toilet door at night, it would be really loud. As our hotel was right beside a railway track, it tended to get really loud and noisy at night when the trains honk. Those were not really my issues with the hotel because I was aware of all of that when we booked with them. My issue was with the toilet and how wet and gross it could get. Since hotel slippers weren’t provided, we walked around in our slippers meant for going out. So can you imagine after having a shower, you step out to the wet toilet floor, unable to dry your feet then you step onto the room’s carpeted floor and hop into bed with the hotel’s white sheets and you see dirt on your feet again. Gross right? To add on to my thoughts on the hotel – the lights were SUPER dim and we had one non-functioning mirror light for the bedside table. We also only had one powerpoint for charging our devices and that was another annoying thing for me because the room was clearly meant for two people. They should have another powerpoint somewhere else too.

Note to self: Never book with Nasa Vegas Hotel again. Also, you can’t compromise cleanliness and comfort so either rent an apartment on Airbnb or fork up more money for a 4-star hotel at least.

After changing out of our airport clothes and into more comfortable clothes, we called for a ride via GrabCar to bring us to Asiatique. As our hotel was located in an inconvenient location, we passed by MANY districts on the way to Asiatique. I must say it was quite nice passing by the different districts. I enjoyed seeing the streets of Bangkok because it looked a little bit like the streets of Philippines.

Streets of Bangkok

When we reached Asiatique, I found the place quite lively – filled with eateries, shops, and activities. Honestly, the main reason why I wanted to go to Asiatique was because I wanted to ride the Ferris Wheel. I know you can find that anywhere but this Ferris Wheel was beside the Riverfront which to me, is the closest thing I can get to experiencing a carnival by the seaport like the ones you see in movies.

Pretty lights at Asiatique

Aerial view of Asiatique from the Ferris Wheel.

By the Riverfront.

Asiatique is like a cross between Clarke Quay and Bugis Street to me.

Before we hopped on the Ferris Wheel, we walked around for a bit to see what the shops were selling. They had all kinds of things there – clothes, bags, swimwear, handmade soaps, Muay Thai clothes, medicine etc. We saw a few things we liked but decided to walk further before purchasing anything incase another shop was selling it cheaper. We got a little hungry after awhile and decided to have some delicious banana and chocolate rotee, and egg and chocolare rotee. We didn’t think it’d be so huge and we were not that hungry because of the late lunch we had so we ended up not finishing everything.

Note to self: Always order one first!

Marion with his Egg and Chocolate Rotee. The stall’s just behind him.

This is very similar to the local Roti Pratas that are served here in Singapore, but adapted to Thai taste. They add condensed milk in the layers which makes it a very sinful treat. This rotee however did not have the condensed milk in it. I think to enjoy that sinful rotee, you’d have to really buy them from the streets. Nonetheless, it was still delicious and we enjoyed some nice Thai Iced Milk Tea from the same store after all the shopping.

After having our Rotee, we bought tickets to go up the Ferris Wheel – THB 300 per person, about SGD 12.18 per person. This is unlike the Singapore Flyer where it only goes one round and it’s incredibly slow. This goes through 3 rounds and it moves at a much quicker space. I have a little fear of heights so I was a little nervous at first. The cabin was nice – air-conditioned, music and lights. By right, we were supposed to share the cabin with others since we didn’t buy the private one but they were nice enough to give people cabins of their owns so we didn’t end up sharing with anyone which is awesome! It’s nothing fantastic but the view from above was quite nice cause you can see the riverfront with all the boats, and the tour ferries, the carnival, the shops, the nightlife etc. It’s a touristy thing to do but I have no regrets. I had two very handsome views that night – one was of my sweetheart, and the other was of the Riverfront scene.

The Ferris Wheel at Asiatique.

Our cabin on the Ferris Wheel.

After the Ferris Wheel, we walked around to explore the eateries they had. We came across quite a few interesting cafes. If we had more appetite and more money, we’d definitely be cafe hopping and trying the different food. Each cafe was interesting in their own way. There was one that allowed you to dine at the top, open-air, and it was just a two-story building on it’s own; another was decorated with bike accessories. I told myself not to be tempted to try cafe food too because it’s Bangkok and Thai food is the focus! So we walked along and did some shopping. I bought a nice tribal style bucket bag because I’m into tribal prints. It’s a nice mixture of blue and orange – Marion helped pick it out for me. Managed to bargain for a slightly cheaper price but didn’t want to push my luck. I also bought a nice blank muscle tank top with Gold Elephant embroidery on it as a representation of Thailand. Marion and I got Star Wars graphic tees each – His was of C3PO and mine was of Darth Vader. I saw a lot of cute summer dresses, rompers, and bikinis/monokinis too but I didn’t want to buy it because I have quite a wide hip and my butt tends to get in the way so I’m afraid to buy Rompers especially when you can’t try them. I was tempted to buy some dresses because ever since the weight gain, I haven’t been able to fit into my old dresses. I decided not to in the end because there was nothing that really struck my eye and I have this rule when I shop. Only buy something that catches your attention and ultimately looks nice on you. Unless there’s some sale going on, browse through the clothing rack. So nothing caught my eye as much – I found myself looking at the tribal bags a lot. We came across one shop owner that was pretty rude that Marion and I started laughing to ourselves after we walked away. She ran the Bikini store but there was a nice tribal bagpack I saw and was just enquiring how much it was. She told me THB 450 and was showing me how it can be converted to a sling bag. I didn’t fancy it as much because the straps didn’t look sturdy and I didn’t want to invest in something that I had to use so sparingly for fear it would give way soon. She kept lowering the price when I told her it’s okay. Finally, she said “THB 350, last price.” I wasn’t interested anymore because I didn’t like the straps so I continued saying thank you and it’s okay. She just sat down on her stool after and said “It’s okay, I know you won’t buy” but in a very annoyed manner. It was funny because I wasn’t even bargaining in the first place.

After all that walking, it was really late in Bangkok. The time was 11pm and we decided to call for a GrabCar back. Although the driver was nice, he seemed to have missed out some information when providing me with options. The traffic was bad in Bangkok at that time so to go back using the same way (passing through all the districts) would take us a longer time to reach our hotel, which I didn’t mind. The other option was to go by, in his words, “Another route, faster and no cars.” So obviously I requested for the latter. Halfway through the journey, he asked me for THB 50 to pay road toll. I wasn’t informed there’d be extra fees tagged to this route. At another point, he asked for THB 25 to pay another road toll fee. I didn’t mind needing to pay more but I wish he had mentioned it to me that there was going to be an extra fee to take this route, knowing that we were tourist and were not aware of the road toll fees.

Note to self: Next time enquire if there’ll be additional fees when they offer another route.

Tourist fact: Uber in Bangkok is illegal. GrabCar is not as bad but Black plate is illegal and Yellow plate is not. Bike Taxis should only take 1 passenger – taking 2 at a time is illegal and it’s under table money to not get caught or charged by the law.

That concluded our first day in Bangkok. I was very happy that night because I felt like for the first time in a long time, Marion and I were on a date again. He’s been very busy with assignments and shoots this year so I didn’t get to see him as much. For me, since Max came into the picture, my every day routine had to change because I had to think of Max. This meant that I wasn’t as free on weekends to do whatever I liked cause Chels and I share a duty schedule to ensure we both get two weekends off each. Being in another country and exploring it with Marion just pleased my heart so much. I felt like we were catching up for all the days we couldn’t meet up and nights we had gone without talking over the phone because sometimes we’d request for our alone time as well. Marion was also always looking after me and finding directions to places so I was very thankful to have him with me. It was one of the best unplanned dates we had.

7 April –

This was a very hectic and busy day for us. We woke up early and wanted to grab a light bite – we ended up walking to Subway opposite our hotel. Marion had a sub and I just got some cookies. So much for Thai food. After which, we called a GrabCar to take us to Healthland Ekemai. Healthland is the spa place my dad took Tita and I too when we were in Bangkok 8 years ago. I enjoyed that spa so much because their service was good, the massage was just right, the ambience was clean and soothing and they served some sweet smelling hot tea after. Also, it’s pretty affordable. Since Healthland at Ekemai was the closest to our hotel, we went there instead as advised by Ton.

Healthland Ekemai

Walking to Ekemai Station

Waiting for the train at Ekemai

Oily and sweaty faces

I decided to take Marion to the spa here to relax since he’s been having a stressful time in school. I wanted to massage some knots in my neck and upper back too. We paid THB 1900 for 2. About SGD 77 per person and for 90 minutes. To me, that’s considered quite a good price. I wish we could have done the hot oil massage where they pour hot oil on your forehead in a continuous stream to help get you relaxed in a deep sleep. It sounded so good but it was very pricey so we just settled for an Aroma Oil Therapy massage. After 90 minutes of pure relaxation, we decided to walk to Ekemai BTS station to make our way down to MBK for lunch. That was a bad idea because MBK didn’t have the Thai food we wanted. I really wanted my Phad Thai and since I go back to being a Pescatarian only on holidays, I wanted the Prawn Pad Thai (unless there’s a vegetarian option). They only have chicken Phad Thai. At this point, I was getting super cranky from the hunger and it was already 2pm. We planned to go back to the hotel by 3pm so that we could get ready for the concert and reach the stadium by 4pm. I decided to just go to this place called ‘Inter Restaurant’ for lunch which was near Siam Square and not too far from MBK. I knew of this restaurant through Ladyironchef’s review on BKK and the food. Thankfully, my ever patient and loving partner directed us to the new location of choice pretty efficiently. He even offered to buy my Thai Milk Tea along the way to pacify my hunger because I tend to go back to being a kid when I’m cranky from hunger, but there was no Thai Milk Tea along the way (what???).

Green Curry with Chicken

Oyster Omelette

Phad Thai with Prawns

Tom Yum Goong

When we got to Inter Restaurant, we ordered 5 dishes for 2 person. We have the tendency to over order when we’re hungry. We ordered Thai Chicken Green Curry, Tom Yum Goong, Shrimp Phad Thai, Oyster Omelette, Stir Fry Mixed Vegetables and of course Thai Milk Tea. Obviously we didn’t intend to finish our food because the point of it was just to get as much variety of Thai food on that day since it was the only day we had left to properly get our dose of Thai Food. I felt bad wasting food but we didn’t waste as much. Also, just an FYI – I did not not eat Poultry or Red Meat on holidays even. I’m 98% Vegetarian, the other 2% is still a Pescatarian and that’s only on holidays. The total price for the dishes was less than SGD 50.

After having a very satisfying lunch, we rushed back to our hotel via BTS. It was already 4pm by the time we reached the hotel. I gave up rushing cause it was just tiring me out and making me cranky. I knew we were already late but I still wanted to look good so I insisted on putting makeup on. Not that I know how to do proper makeup, my makeup process is so basic so I don’t usually take too long to put makeup on anyway. Marion was sweet enough not to make noise about that – instead he kept telling me it’s okay. He used that time to map out how to get to the stadium and it was then that we realised the walk to the stadium was 40 minutes from our hotel. We would consider Grab or BikeTaxi but the traffic was so bad and the queue for BikeTaxi from the BTS station was so long. We decided walking was the best option. So after feeling all nice and clean, we had to perspire again. :(

The insane queue to the Entrance to the stadium.

When we reached Rajamangala Stadium, there was a huge crowd waiting to enter the doors. We didn’t collect our tickets yet because we assumed it would be inside as we didn’t see the booth when we were walking towards the queue. So after queueing for awhile, the usher told us we had to collect our tickets and where exactly to collect them. It was pretty annoying cause it was quite messy. We finally found the booth and collected our tickets before making our way in (again).

We’re finally in!

Got our Coldplay Tickets!

This is how close we were to the stage.

Waiting for the concert to commence.

The beautiful sunset in Bangkok.

The threatening clouds on one side.

After all that, we were finally able to relax a little on the stadium grounds while waiting for the concert to begin. It was a pretty long wait and the clouds looked threatening. The stadium is an open stadium so there would be no shelter should it rain. Thankfully, it did not – it was just a light drizzle. Coldplay only came on around 9pm. It was a pretty long wait. I didn’t like the lack of personal space while standing in the crowd and it didn’t help that I’m so short compared to the tall ang mohs, and some people’s B.O was really pretty bad. There were a few idiots who kept shoving their way to the front shamelessly and if you didn’t give way, they’d just keep nudging at you from behind which was VERY annoying. But what I did like is that it allowed me to step out of my comfort zone to talk to another couple beside us. We were annoyed with the same people – first, there was this dude beside us who tried to signal to his friend where he was by CONSTANTLY using his iPhone’s flash light in the air and the chick who nudged her way to the front blocking both our views. We were having mini conversations here and there and laughing at the same things so it was nice for a change.

The performance of ‘Yellow’.

Amazing light works.

That concert feel.

The wristbands that lit up in sync with the music.

Amazing light works.

The wristbands that lit up in sync with the music.

Coldplay finally came on and it was so amazing. There were fireworks, confetti and amazing light works going on. I was so mesmerised. Chris Martin sounds so good live and I just couldn’t believe I was so close to them. Their concert was super pretty and I’m so glad that I lost my concert virginity to Coldplay.

Yellow was the 2nd song in the set list and I was so excited for that because that was the song Marion sang to me before he enlisted in SAF. He enlisted on Feb 15 2013 so he posted a video of himself singing ‘Yellow’ to me and tagged me in. It was so cheesy and back then I didn’t feel shy about it but if he did that for me now, I’d be quite shy even though I always appreciate the gesture. So there’s a story behind that song. As Coldplay was singing ‘Yellow’, Marion kissed me and it just made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. The other performance I enjoyed was ‘Magic’, ‘A Sky Full of Stars’, ‘Clocks’, ‘Every Teardrop is a Waterfall’, ‘Everglow’, ‘The Scientist’, ‘Paradise’, ‘Hymn for the Weekend’, ‘Fix You’, ‘Adventure of a Lifetime’, ‘Viva La Vida’, ‘In My Place’, ‘Til Kingdom Come’, and ‘Don’t Panic’. Okay basically I loved their setlist a lot.

I also loved how Chris Martin shared the spotlight with the rest of the band and how highly he spoke of them. I’ve always been into friendships so it’s so nice to see how strong their friendship is. They met in 1996 during their first week of attending a University College London. Jonny Buckland (Lead Guitar) and Chris Martin started the band with the others joining a bit later. They went on to record their first EP two years later and they were first called ‘Starfish’. It’s so amazing to see how far they’ve come and how strong their friendship remains. That, to me, was what made the concert even more special and amazing. You could really feel this sense of strong collaboration going on with these guys and how musically inclined each of them were.

After the concert, it was another 40mins walk back. We were hungry and thirsty but there were no suitable street food around so we decided to walk to MacDonald’s along the way back to our hotel. MacDonald’s closed and the sign ’24/7′ was a lie. So we continued walking after many pit stops in between because I was so tired. Converse shoes are really not the most ideal for walking. The heel area begins to hurt after awhile. We finally reached the hotel and crossed over to Family Mart to get some cup noodles or sandwiches. At this point, I was being an absolute grump and wasn’t the most gracious with my words. The cup noodles I got sucked so I ate the sandwich instead. Language barrier is a real challenge especially when you are desperate from something. After having food in my stomach, my crankiness died down.

The mess at the counter where people were preparing their cup noodles.

Dinner that night.

We went back up the hotel and freshened up before bed. I felt bad for being such a grump after the concert so I apologised to Marion for my impatience. He could only have the sweetest reply because he’s thoughtful like that. He told me that he knows that I tend to get cranky if I’ve been out for too long and he was really trying to get us back to the hotel as soon as the concert ended cause he knew we’ve been out for so long and my crankiness would be kicking in anytime now. It was sweet to me because he observed my moods and he learned that about me. I obviously felt bad so I apologised to him and told him how lucky I am and how much I love him. That night, I couldn’t even be bothered with the loud sounds, I knocked out completely.

8th April –

The next morning, it was time to fly back to Singapore. We felt a little sad because we were only there for technically less than three days. I didn’t have an issue making the trip longer but it was more of Marion’s schedule that required us to make this trip short so we kept it short. The traffic in Bangkok was once again so bad in the morning but Ton rushed to get us through. Upon reaching the airport and checking in, we got ourselves a quick breakfast meal and realised we were left with only 10-15 minutes to go through customs. I stupidly forgot to fill up my departure form so I had to fill it up on the spot.

Note to self: Just fill up both sides next time.

The view outside from my window seat.

We made it to our flight eventually but the flight back was not at all peaceful. A group of Chinese Nationals kept cutting the line while the rest of us lined up to have our boarding passes checked. I glared at one of them and she told me in Chinese how they were all in one group together. She was hinting to me that she was in the right of way when it was one of them who cut my queue. I ignored her and blocked her from getting her boarding pass checked first because I wasn’t taking any of that shit that day. I also want to teach them some manners. To my horror, from Bangkok to Singapore – I kept bumping into the exact same woman. They were behaving like barbarians on the plane – talking loudly, standing up before the plane has stopped moving completely and etc. I don’t mean to be xenophobic and I have some friends who are Chinese Nationals who are nothing like them, but their actions are really intolerable sometimes that it’s hard to remove that prejudice.

All in all, I had a good first trip with Marion and I am looking forward to more adventures with him. I cannot wait for Penang in May!

Marion & Cristy Travels| Bangkok The last time I travelled was in 2012 - that was a trip to Perth with my dad.

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