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#beauty in the broken
sayahs-corner · 2 years
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Excerpt from Beauty in the Broken
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“Little wolf,” his mate came down into a crouch in front of him, so that they were almost eye to eye.  Tony jerked his head down, tried to bow, to make himself smaller so that he didn't need to meet that gaze. A warm finger tucked beneath his chin, and tilted it upward with a firm and unyielding pressure to stare into fiercely glittering blue eyes that were ringed with gold. Those eyes captured him with their intensity, refusing to let go. A shiver wracked his spine.
His mate’s wolf was close to the surface.
“Who put this fear into your fierce heart? Who made those brave, beautiful, eyes water and flinch from us?” His mate’s voice was raspy with the growl of his wolf. It was as if both of them were speaking to him in tandem. The effect was both powerful and eerie. 
Tony shook his head, numbly, wanting more than anything to hide, to turn his gaze away from those blue eyes that saw far too much. He didn't understand. He didn't understand what was happening here, why his mate was on the muddy ground with him, looking at him so fiercely and protectively. Looking at him like he mattered, and speaking to him so softly and with such fierce kindness.
Beauty in the Broken
Rating: E
Summary: Tony Stark is a halfbreed Omega on the run. Notorious for being uncatchable and outwitting those who would try to tame him, Tony doesn’t stay in one place for very long. He doesn’t want to be tied down or beholden to any Alpha because in his experience they bring nothing but pain and terror.
Besides, Tony has not met a wolf he can’t outrun or outfox.
Until now.
Tags: Alpha/Omega, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Mildly Dubious Consent
Read it on AO3
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cronchy-baguette · 2 months
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i've caved yall... the way i am so normal about laezel and shadowheart (stay tuned....)
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prinnay · 1 year
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Heal a broken heart
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fumifooms · 3 months
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Laios Touden and autism; admiring the non-human
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Do you think people exaggerate when they scream about Laios being autistic? Do you feel like it’s weird that so many people including autistics are so set on Laios, the problematic (but incredible and kind) king TM, being the most autistic that has ever autisticed? Why do we cheer on autistic people wanting to be monsters?? Isn’t that weird?
Well, of course it depends on the way it’s done, it can be done quite offensively, but long story short Kui blew it out of the park. The thing is, autistic people really do like monsters and animals and robots. Nonhuman does not mean subhuman, it just means Other. Feeling a connection with them has been shown to be an extremely common autistic experience for that very reason.
Because some people don’t understand why we autistic Tumblr Laios stans cheer “autism! Autism!” whenever he talks about monsters and feeling alienated to humans so! Here’s a post about how yes even research papers are analyzing the special connection we form with animals. I’m not even joking but Laios Touden & the mass cries of relatability with autistic people he gets and all the love for him could be used as study material and evidence for future papers because the link is that strong. Oh also I think it’s notable that being autistic and undiagnosed vs diagnosed makes a huge difference. In my experience as someone who was undiagnosed up until 18, it’s even more alienating to not know that there’s a reason why you’re different, being gaslit that you’re ‘normal’ and you just need to try harder and get with the program, etc. Personally when getting diagnosed I went through the 5 stages of grief because the thought of having been fundamentally different all your life (a difference which you will never be able to change) and mistreated for it when you weren’t “wrong” all along makes you unload all the anger and sadness and loneliness and sheer trauma you’ve built up over time. Like it’s world shattering.
So! Back to seeing dogs as family. Also I implore you to value experiential evidence when it comes to autism and other neurodivergences because brains are complicated and neurotypicals not being able to understand us well even with scientific research is like, a whole thing even though we’re right there speaking about how we feel and being right every time because the topic is literally us and how we experience the world. 
Disclaimer for this whole post that, of course, no group is a monolith and everyone has different experiences or can diverge from the norm of the group, and that doesn’t diminish the validity of either side! Like, I know autistic people who have trauma with dogs and hate them. But, trends do happen, and in this case... Autism is very “My experiences with humans make me feel dehumanized in a bad and lonely way so instead I’ll dehumanize myself in a good and inspiring way”.
“I was treated like a failed human my entire life and you’re surprised that my response was to become a dog.” -Patricia Taxxon
It’s literally well recorded that autistic people relate to animals more than humans globally. With this post, besides spreading autistic Laios truthism and explaining why the portrayal hits so deep for so many,  I want to show in what way this is a very specific experience and not looking at his character through an autistic lense really misses a lot of why he’s everything that he is. (Tacking allegedly onto here for legal reasons, different interpretations are valid etc etc /gen). This honestly isn’t super long though.
To define an important term, anthropomorphism in the studies and in this post means to attribute human traits to the nonhuman, which not only includes anthro furry designs but also animals irl, inanimate objects, and animated media as opposed to live action, to humanize them and empathize with them.
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Paper: https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/aut.2019.0027 
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“Dogs taught me how to hunt and socialize and work in groups”, Laios having internalized body language... So real so real. I, too, make a great dog impression. And I want to emphase the part that it helps greatly develop a sense of emotions and relationships! For Laios, he didn’t get along with kids his age, it was him, Falin and the dogs against the world. Since it’s a group of dogs too, it taught him group dynamics and social hierarchies (like with Falin being considered as being below the dogs in authority according to the dogs rip), and the importance of group coordination when hunting.
For me, I cannot like, concisely explain just how much animals were important to me developmentally. I also grew up with dogs, but like I vividly remember encounters with like hamsters as well just radically shaping my understanding of boundaries, the importance of giving something space and the way you interact with them and respect their side of it. Unlike humans they don’t really mask how they feel, it’s direct cause-effect reaction and data gathering. There are no words involved, so the focus on having a perfect phrasing and tone is gone, leaving just pure interactions. 
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There’s also no reason to mask how you feel either, and you don’t have to feel silly over wanting to form a connection and it showing, what, is the dog gonna laugh at you because you obviously want to make friends with it? Toshiro or Kabru might, but dogs and cats will just tell you to fuck off and leave it there worst case scenario. I often say that I think one reason Marcille is special to Laios and he feels comfortable around her is because she emotes INTENSELY, she gestures, she puts her whole body into it, her facial expressions are pretty exaggerated and her ears even emote too- like with a dog’s ears!
I think there’s def also things to be said about how he gravitated towards Izutsumi at first, all excited, was eager to sleep in the same bed as her, but in the Izutsumi sleep rating chart we see they really just casual and chill so it’s not a Laios talking to Shuro deep into the night situation just a “I like sleeping besides animals” situation and that is enough to hype him up. I love how he pet her in the extra about why Chil let her sleep with him too. He’s just so transparently eager to befriend her, even if in the end they weren’t all that compatible and he accepted that.
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There are honestly so many examples I could give for this. Like Grandin the famous cow lady.
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More about autism & empathy:
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https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/double-empathy-explained/ (Also mentions a study in which groups of autistic, allistic then a mixed group played a game of telephone and both singular groups had similar levels of information retention, but the mixed group was significantly worse. As an autistic person yeah duh, obviously autistic people are different from one another and can have plenty of interpersonal issues, but communicating with other neurodivergent people feels pretty intuitive and straightforward and comfortable. One of the reasons why neurodivergent people tend to naturally gravitate towards each other I suppose.) 
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^ Paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5932358/  For good, extensive summary of why we relate to animals so much you can go to the “anthromorphizing and asd” section of the paper. This paper extends to our widespread liking of cartoons and robots as well. Ok so this is a whole thing I won’t get into here but this is a big reason why a lot of autistic people are agender leaning as well. Genders and queerness in general is a lot about social constructs, and being queer is being marginal to these, not fitting into boxes or challenging those social norms and conventions. Queerplatonic relationships are a great example of this, where the framework of the relationship is platonic but the intangible nature of what it is exactly is the point, not familial not anything but everything at once too, just adoration, I like to say having pets is a bit like it as well, bc obvi it’s not romantic and often not fully familial, very platonic but also sooo much cuddling and adoration and kissing and whatnot that you wouldn’t typically do with a friend or family member. I’ll talk about qpr and labels another day though.
I got carried away but queerness in Dunmeshi is something I 100% want to make a big post on one day. Experiencing the world with different guidelines and not registering things to have the same boxes, sigh. Personally I also relate to Laios on a gender level, “cis by default because I don’t care all that much but if I were to dig deeper I’m probably otherkin and I want to be socially associated with traits of monsters and animalistic rather than man/woman” sighh hard to be a cryptid in this day and age. I wish we had a term like furry but for monsters, I want to be in the fantasy or folk tale genre ty, like changelings. Goshh changelings... You know, the irl myth where people said their neurodivergent kids were fairies’ children instead of human. Diminished physical sense of self means I see myself as some unknowable black  void aesthetic wise, but like in a way that simultaneously makes me feel seen. Like becoming a monster, losing your sense of self but also somehow just being simplified and seen for what you are, it’s weird to try and explain. This post is more about relating to the nonhuman than about seeing yourself as such, but like connect the dots right, that IS an important point of Laios’ character. It’s because our brains literally work different than allistics which makes us feel as other, but also because of social ostracization and functioning in a different way than society at large, living in the margin of society, being weird and non-conforming.
Meanwhile, animals and social norms... Like ok, showing your neck and rolling on the ground to show that you’re friendly and harmless and play biting might not be proper. But have you considered that it’s also fun and feels very intuitive. Play with a dog in the dog’s way I promise it is so nice and freeing. Play tug of war and growl back when they growl. Hiss at your cat to tell them they do something wrong, engage with them on their level.
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Autism made social life hard, but it made animals easy. Do you have anyyy idea how good it feels to mask all day every day and feel constantly misunderstood or like you’re doing a performance but then you can just, drop all of that in the company of animals and they understand you. They understand you. You form an understanding and rapport so easily.
And this whole thing with Laios is so explicit too, with the Winged Lion saying “You’re sick and tired of the human world”. Notice the choice of words. Sick and tired of the human world. Exhausted from the constraints, sick of the mind games. It really isn’t as much about loving monsters as it is about loving the nonhuman. Relating to them because you feel that you can actually understand how they work and think, and feeling like they could understand you back as well. Animals are safe.
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Like I could go on about how Laios admiring even just demi-humans like orcs is because they’re socially seen as non-humans more than any true physical thing, that they’re not bound by human society and its rules and live with their own lifestyle. But it would deal myself 1000 points of psychic damage and I am not ready to cry today. It’s idealization 100%, and like, Laios DOES want to be treated as human, to be valued, but it feels like an unreachable thing meanwhile becoming a monster is instant gratification and freedom and a sense that now no one will be able to hurt you in a way that reaches you, never again shall you be defenseless, and then if people dehumanize you then that only strengthens your sense of identity as a monster and UGHH ugh ugh.
And like. This post is a mess at this point but if you want to kinda delve into the more “why” then I recommend this Patricia Taxxon video essay. It starts out on a very different topic, but it’s all about autism and finding comfort in the inhuman. Long story short is othering made us like this also animals are just simpler to intuitively get along with.
So when I post this
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I mean it. I really mean it when I say he’s me. I have never felt so seen. So many conflicting emotions all wrapped so concisely yet so intangibly woven into the whole storyline so subtly. 
Not being depicted as a monster of an human being for feeling/having felt that way?? The manga understands you. The world can understand you. Other humans can understand you. You can bond with them. You can. And I think that’s a big part of Dungeon Meshi too- Laios opening up to others about how he really is and his interests, and all the bumps on the way but how it was the only way to truly get to know each other and bond. With the climax being Laios confronting head on his complex with monsters and humans, and his monster-loving side and animalistic side being exactly what saves the whole world, what saves humanity. Because Laios does value his friends, does think humanity has beautiful sides to it, he wants to help it thrive and eat and become more accepting, carving out a kingdom for misfits and demi-humans. At the end of it, transforming into a monster and being free is a daydream fantasy, and the reality of it is that Laios does belong in the world as he is, and does receive and give out love.
If you enjoyed this you’ll probably like some of my other Laios analysis!  Here’s an analysis of his succubus and what it says about his relationships with other humans. And here’s an analysis about his relationship with Shuro from his perspective.
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craycraybluejay · 2 months
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come. take my hand. sexualize trauma with me.
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retro-friki · 1 year
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historiaxvanserra · 1 month
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I've said it before and I'll say it again...I know it's cliche to have Azriel be in love with / have loved Rhysand's sister but it just works on so many levels. The tragedy. The gut wrenching angst. Azriel, who is so desperate for a mate, to be loved unconditionally and do the same. Azriel and his mate, who he never got the chance to love before she was taken from him. In this essay I will--
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C'mon now, sit down. Talk to me, what is you so scared for?
Fuck you mean "of what"? Im asking you why you so damn scared of transitioning. Who is you scared of?
Yknow what, fuck them. Fuck that noise and fuck them for tryna put that shit on you. Ain't nothin wrong with you, some men are born butterflies and others are born caterpillars. There isnt some grand betrayal caterpillars commit against caterpillarkind when they transform, theys just doin whats natural, so why cant you?
Nah, nah man you focused on the wrong shit here, who the fuck cares if you're ugly? Moths don't hide in the night cause they're "ugly", they just sleep all damn day. Sure, maybe you somehow aint cute in a few years, but you'd be happy, wouldnt you? You'd see the man you are in the mirror, you'd see a mans hands when you're just randomly doing shit, you'd smell and sweat like a man, you'll sound like a man, you'll look like a man, which is exactly what you want.
You listenin to all the wrong people bro, transitioning to be a man wont make you no angry roid monster or magically turn you into a sexist. You'll be beautiful and secure. Look at you now, hunched over and wearing clothes 2 sizes too big 'cause you dont want no one to notice you. What if you liked your clothes? What if you was proud of your body? Dont you wanna look down one day and finally see a cock?
I know you still scared, that's alright, I dont think caterpillars really know what they're doing when they decide to go sleep in a little pod for a few weeks either. That's what i'm here for, you dont got nothin to be scared of, you just gotta trust me, okay?
Cool, now get up and c'mon, I'll do you a favor and give you your first shot. Don't you give me that, it dont even hurt lmao, c'mon.
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pyotrkochetkov · 5 months
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ANDREI SVECHNIKOV Postgame | November 24, 2023
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themightynyunyi · 1 year
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Without you I am lost I keep you at any cost
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hawnks · 18 days
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Not to be a hater but the romance book culture is in peril
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sayahs-corner · 2 years
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Chapter 3 of Beauty in the Broken is up!
A STONY werewolf AU, Steve/Tony
Rating E
Chapter 3: The Storm
It was the tinny sound of rain drumming against the metal roof that roused him and the rhythmic thump and squeak of windshield wipers a soft background noise.
A low, barely audible, groan rumbled in his throat at the full body ache he had going on. Tony’s mouth felt dry and cottony as his head pounded a brutal tattoo within his skull. He worked his jaw, wincing at the too tight feeling in his mouth and face. His eyes felt like they were cemented shut and so heavy that he was struggling to open them. Every muscle from his little toe all the way up to his throbbing head, seemed to be in some sort of pain.
It felt as if he had been thrown off a mountaintop and hit every rock and boulder on the way down. He could feel every bruise, every ache, from his shins and knees all the way up to the tightness in his shoulders. Every muscle in his body was sore, likely from fatigue and strain, but it was his ribs that were protesting the most. They felt like they might be bruised, even broken.
Terrific.
Where was he? How did he get here?
Slowly he opened his eyes, teeth gritting at the weight of them. It took him a minute to assimilate all the information coming at him, but when he did, his breath stuttered to a stop in his chest.
He was leaning against the door of an old pickup truck, old and well maintained enough to still have the original leather bench seats. Tony’s face was currently pressed against the passenger side window, the glass cool beneath his flushed cheeks.
His body was hot, burning hot, and so uncomfortable that Tony felt like he was crawling out of his skin. The sky outside was dark, the world hidden in shadow save for the glow of the headlights.
The truck was parked, pulled off to the side of the road, its headlights illuminating a town sign.
Avonwood.
Tony’s heart stopped beating in his chest.
Why had his mate driven him all the way out here? Was the wolf part insane as well as feral? Did he have any idea what they did to feral shifters? To rogue wolves?
Ice filled his veins.
Read more on AO3
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starlightvld · 4 months
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"Simon falls to his knees in front of John and rests his hands on the backs of John's calves. His eyes are like nothing John's ever seen; looking into them is like drowning in amber pools of devastation and desperation and something... something broken all at once..."
- Broken Bones and Shattered Hearts, Chapter 3 sneak peek, Art by @kibagib
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aria0fgold · 13 days
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Finally done with my version of The Universe's design!
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maskedchip · 11 months
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umgnnnnnnnnnnn 
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love-and-books320 · 18 days
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will always defend my girls who are powerful and strong not despite their femininity but because of it.
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