#because its grief

[7thleveldown]

No words appear before me in the aftermath Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness 'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye You were bigger than the whole sky You were more than just a short time And I've got a lot to pine about I've got a lot to live without I'm never gonna meet What could've been, would've been What should've been you What could've been, would've been you

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia? Did some force take you because I didn't pray? Every single thing to come has turned into ashes 'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be So I'll say words I don't believe

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye You were bigger than the whole sky You were more than just a short time And I've got a lot to pine about I've got a lot to live without I'm never gonna meet What could've been, would've been What should've been you

What could've been, would've been What should've been you (What could've been, would've been) What could've been, would've been you (Could've been, would've been) (Could've been, would've been)

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye You were bigger than the whole sky You were more than just a short time And I've got a lot to pine about I've got a lot to live without I'm never gonna meet What could've been, would've been What should've been you

#taylor swift #midnights #bigger than the whole sky #this song makes me weep #because its grief #unspoken unseen grief #and to me #this speaks to me on a very visceral level #of going through a miscarriage #which i've been through and know the agony of grief you cannot express #cannot share or show #because its something we don't talk about #it's intensely private #and utterly soul destroying #when something that was a herald of joy turns hollow #i have no clue as to why the song was written #but it helps me to think #that in something we tend to keep so quiet #we aren't alone #that what we feel isn't as ridiculous as some would make out #that there is grief and loss #even if it is only the loss of a future we had begun to believe in #if anyone actually reads all this and has been in that kind of situation #you aren't the only one #your grief is valid #you have a right to grieve a possibility #whether its a miscarriage or the endless loss of not being able to get pregnant #okay #will shut up now #Spotify

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[petricorah]

scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]

#zukka #zukka fanart #sokka #sokka fanart #zuko #zuko fanart #atla #atla fanart #avatar the last airbender #zukka fic rec #myart #yall. yall. dani. this FIC #first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec #it is SO GOOD #your prose? amazing #your insights on grief? life changing #THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust #'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis' #ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT #i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were #the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so #cute with their relationship?!!?! #'oh so you think i'm beautiful too' #GOD #i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy #also #'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone' #fuck. had me crying AGAIN #seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer #the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece

[punchedlines]

"the parallels between Bruce and the robins all becoming orphans young" ok that's nice but the parallels between Bruce and Cass both having lost their innocence after being confronted with death at 8 years old. The way they both have let the grief, the guilt, the impotence haunt them ever since and transformed it into more. The way they both, though in different ways, lost their parent(s). The way that the traumatic instances (and their upbringing until then) couldn't have been more different, yet it affected them so similarly and are the pillars for their current moral code and suicidal tendencies. Can't think about them too much or I go insane

#Batman #batgirl #Bruce Wayne #Cassandra Cain #batgirl 2000 #batfam #I also think its worth noting Cass first realizes about Batmans identity while seeing that tear streaked childhood picture of him #which is so interesting because his eyes are the portion most obscured by the cowl. she'd never seen his eyes before #she really read his grief his pain his loneliness and it clicked immediately because THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME #dc comics

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #tw blood #im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello.... #i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is #completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo #but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei #travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point. #humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on #& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas. #theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve #done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but #in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise #since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times #if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess #ruporas art

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately #and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something #it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is #but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live #the person you used to be #hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back #we're all just a little bit sad all the time #and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place #because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused #and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place #and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about #but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it #and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end #that's what it means to be human #the good place #tgp

[the-music-maniac]

Sanji playing with Zoro's earrings is my Roman Empire

IF YOU'RE NOT GIVING YOUR CRINGEFAIL BF FOREHEAD KISSES THEN WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING

#i ended up with like 5 different variations of this pose cause I: #1. forGOT that the earrings are on the LEFT #2. forGOT that post timeskip Zoro only has one fucking eyeball #the grief i went through for this sketch oh my word #but its okay because THEM #zosan #sanzo #soft zosan #fluff #zoro x sanji #sanji x zoro #roronoa zoro #black leg sanji

[gunstellations]

a little family

#buddy daddies #my art #doodles #sometimes a family is an two misfit assassins and the daughter of the guy you offed and thats a okay #but lets not talk about that #we love healing in this house and how do you heal if not after suffering #reis journey through depression and kazukis journey through grief #what 1 little girl does to a man #its 5 am all i can offer are doodles but i love them very much #i know we do reasonably get to call them cowards for not making it gay (esp at the end bc come on) #but i do love whatever relationship they have going becuase theyre just. Thats marriage babe.... #theyre not going to be doing any dating with that committment that is the most domestic ass setting ive ever seen #everyone and their mother assumes theyre married/dating and doesnt even question it because theres NO QUESTION T O ASK #only the people involved apparently dont know theyre married #ok nvm they were cowards for not making it gay. but again. theyre clearly married your honor. theyre just a little stupid

[starry-bi-sky]

Danyal Al Ghul: Incorrect Quotes and Miscellaneous Thoughts

Incorrect quotes-style snippets specifically for my danyal al ghul au here (which i really need to come up with a unique au name for atp). Because I thought it'd be funny. And also some miscellaneous headcanons thrown into the mix. Some context for the au: - Danyal is 5 years older than Damian (so 10 and 15) - Danny faked his death when he was 10. Talia knows and helped him with it. - Jazz, Sam, and Tucker do not know he's an ex-assassin.

-------- Snippet 1

Danny, dryly tapping his temple: I have, as the Americans say, irreparable psychological damage, right here.

Jazz, an older sibling first and foremost: well, it's good that you're self-aware.

-------- Snippet 2

Danny, aged 10, in the American foster planning to just age out of the system: *emanating Bad Vibes. Pure, Little Orphan Tom Riddle Energy*

Jazz, aged 12, coming in to adopt a new sibling with her parents: Him. This is my brother now :)

Danny: ...what

--------

Lilo and Stitch is Danny's favorite Disney movie. He watched it when he was 11 with Jazz when she was attempting to connect with him, and by this point Danny was becoming receptive to her efforts. They had a movie marathon in the living room one night.

Safe to say? It resonated with his little 11 year old heart strongly, and he related very strongly with both Nani and Stitch. He got unexpectedly emotional and hid in his room for the rest of the night. Jazz felt really bad, but it had the intended (but kinda unexpected) effect of him trying to be nicer to her afterwards.

-------- Snippet 3

Dash, aged 12, causing trouble again and getting intercepted by Danny: *scaling up a desk* AHHHHH! GET YOUR LITTLE FREAK, FOLEY!

Tucker: Hey! Danny is not a freak!

Dash: GET HIM TO BACK OFF

Tucker, was the kid Dash was messing with: ....whats in it for me

-------- Snippet 4

Danny, saying some questionably immoral shit: What. Why are you looking at me like that.

Tucker: Bro. I mean this as kindly as possible; what the fuck?

Sam: yeah, I'm with Tuck on this one.

-------- Snippet 5

Danny, ranting about Vlad: if it weren't for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered him

Sam, painting his nails black: I'm pretty sure you'd slaughter him regardless of the laws of the land -- and quit moving, you're gonna mess me up.

Tucker: we've literally seen you debate yourself about this, Dan

Danny: ...you are correct, but it is the principle of things.

-------- Snippet 6

Vlad: I have experience my child, and the money and power attained through using those powers for personal gain, you say. I could train you, teach you everything I know! And all you have to do is renounce that idiot adoptive father of yours.

Danny, was already contemplating committing a Violence: ....

Danny, internally: I'm going to stab him *turns into Phantom*

--------

Funny contrast I realized between Danyal and Vlad that iirc I haven't pointed out yet is that imo, Danyal doesn't rely on his powers nearly half as much as canon Danny does. He falls back instinctually on his League training, and thus sometimes forgets to use his powers in battle. This was prevalent especially early on when he was still getting used to the whole 'halfa' thing.

He incorporates them more often after a year, but still for the most part relies on his own physical hand-to-hand combat. He trusts those skills much more than he does his powers. I'm not sure where he is on a technical level compared to canon, but just to stay safe I'll say he's similar in power skill as canon Danny. Perhaps a little more finessed than him because his League training would probably have him trying to figure out his powers as soon as possible.

But in summary? Danny is strong in hand-to-hand combat, weak in powerset.

Meanwhile Vlad is the opposite. I can't recall if he even knows hand-to-hand in canon, but it makes total sense to me that Vlad Masters wouldn't because he's so confident in his monetary influence and ghost abilities that he sees no need for it.

And he's kinda got some merit behind it. He's very powerful and has 20 years of experience to experiment and fine tune his powers. He's got bite to follow up his bark. He's perfected long-range combat and his ability to phase through walls makes it impossible to corner him, but if you can manage it, then one good hit could probably knock him on his ass.

So in summary, Vlad is strong in powerset, weak in hand-to-hand combat.

And it casts a good contrast between the two of them in that regard. Danny, as a fellow halfa, can follow Vlad when he phases through walls and is fast enough to land a hit on him. His league training as an assassin, albeit rusty, is still deep ingrained enough in him that he can hold up as a rather veritable threat against Vlad without needing his powers.

But Vlad can force Danny to use his powers more often through use of his own. The duplication is the first thing to come to mind: Danny's fast enough to dispel them on his own without powers, and smart enough that he could figure out who the real one is if given a few minute. But that's not always efficient enough.

Good foils for each other that way. Also Vlad's Plasmius design mimics Ra's juuust enough that he looks like Ra's knockoff loser second cousin no one talks about, which only fuels Danny's hatred.

-------- Snippet 7

Danny, ranting about Vlad for the first time: --and it's only made worse by the fact that the little ingrate resembles a cheap knock-off of my grandfather!--

Sam, choking on her water: he what--

Tucker, doing a spittake: HE DOES?

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #danyal al ghul au #i have a doodle of that little scene with vlad actually. its in my notebook lmao. #danny gets *furiously* shakespearan when he's insulting someone. sam and tucker have recorded some of his rants #and they are just pure gold. #sam and tucker calling danny 'dan' as a nickname 2024. #which reminds me about how TUE would even happen. someone in my ao3 comments made a good point about how they weren't sure if my danyal #would even have a TUE occur because he's not the cheating type. i've seen clips of how he got his hands on the test answers but i'll need t #watch the episode to gauge if Dan is even feasible. and if he is what changes to make him happen. hmmm. much to think about #don't think danyal would stay with vlad even in the midst of his grief. hmhmhm #dpdc

[grandcovenant]

who's pulling the strings of the puppet king?

#lies of p #lies of p romeo #king of puppets #lies of p geppetto #fanart #digital art #hi hello do you think romeo was fully conscious when geppetto enacted law zero (?through him?). #i think about these two a lot... i don't tend to jump straight to the 'deal with the devil' part because there's something about-- #--two people with nothing in common but the empty space between them. world's worst grief bonding situation!!! #and there's something a lot more compelling about that to me. and that's not even mentioning the grand covenant in the room-- #merits its own post or something else. (because i think about it more than anything ever.) #tl;dr i would kill carlo myself if i got to witness them having the most painfully unpleasant conversation ever had by two people. #anyway i should comment on art process too huh. #the gist of it is if no one got me i know red and black got me. #it's my Old Reliable. i've been nearly gnawing my hands off from. not managing to get anything done in a way i liked so i went back. #i feel better now.... :-) #anyway. worst in-laws ever <3

[bread-wizards]

I think a lot of the meta about Orym forgets that Orym isn't just an adventurer, he is a former bodyguard. His self worth is tied up in how well he can protect people and especially his loved ones. Thats why he sold his future to a hag, because its all he had left to give in order to be able to help.

Thats also why he seems so angry after FCG's death.

Otohan has killed his husband and father. Then him. Then he is brought back and told she also killed Fearne and Laudna. She killed Eshteross. She almost kills Keyleth. Now FCG has to sacrifice himself to save them all and kill Otohan and Orym was knocked out for it.

His job is to protect people and even with the added power from Nana Morri, it's still not enough. 6 years later and his loved ones are still dying and he can do nothing but watch.

#cr spoilers #critical role #orym #they have all lost people and are all grieving #but i have seen a lot of people saying he isnt acknowledging other people grief #give him a week to cool down #i see this like laudna when the groups rejoined and she was mad at the other team for having a nice trip #bor'dor was traumatic for all three of them for different reason #but her killing him and leaning into delilah specifically set her off in a way it didnt with the others and they got that #thats also whats happening here #otohan dying from a friend sacrificing themselves to save them all sets orym off #its not just grief this is tied into his everything #like i said #i will argue that a good 95% of his self worth is how well he can serve others #he has chosen to be their protector and everyone is dying #there is no closure to be found in otohans death because he failed even with the power from nana morri #and before anyone jumps on the 'orym fans cant take criticisms' #please just block me #i am being reactionary because people annoyed me #let me do that in peace #i wanna be sad about my little guy

[etovest]

This is my brother

One Piece by Eiichiro Oda ; Grief Lessons by Anne Carson ; Killing Flies by Michael Dickman ; The World at its Beginning by Dustin Pearson ; A Brother Named Gethsemane by Natalie Diaz

#one piece #web weaving #on brothers #on grief #portgas d ace #monkey d luffy #I don’t think I need to tag it but #one piece spoilers #just to be safe #do you ever stop and think about ace's death and its meaning to the story because I do ... often #a concerning amount of times #so... here it is #parallels #one piece manga

[effervescentdragon]

i dont know how to deal with this pain in my chest that's a constant. i dont't know how to take this much hurt.

i was a child of war, i type out and then i say to myself no, i am a child of war. its a funny story i tell people, how when i was to be born they bombarded our city the whole night. the gas that my dad spared so they could take my mother to the hospital was stolen, siphoned from the car, so what happened was that my mother's water broke in the back of a military vehicle that my dad's friends-colleagues-soldiers drove us all in to the hospital. i was born almost 12 hours later during a night when they bombarded my hometown from every mountain around it. it doesnt really matter; they bombarded us all the time.

my mother is a doctor. she worked in the hospital the whole time during the war and she worked relentlessly. she tells the stories of that time with a detachment that used to be curious to me when i was younger and is now just horrifying. "mom," i said to her years ago, "im learning about porphyrias." - "oh," she says, eyes lighting up, "the first time i encountered a case of porphyria was during the war, when we were shut in the hospital for 5 days because they kept bombarding us and we couldnt go home. one of the doctors not on call when we got stuck came with his daughter, drove to the hospital because his daughter was unconscious and we determined she had porphyria. it was really interesting to see." she doesn't see my horrified gaze. she doesn't know what she sounds like. she still doesn't, to this day. i stopped begging her to go to therapy one day when she looked at me, eyes far away, and said "if i go, where do i start?"

my friend was 5 when the war started. she asked me on saturday "are you always afraid of everything?". i shake my head. she said she wakes up sometimes gripped with fear and has to list out all the things in her life that are alright and asks her husband to hug her and still it doesnt help. she thought she was the only one to feel that way and then she tells me a new phrase she learned. generational trauma. i nod and remember her telling me how a grenade hit their building when she was 8, in the year i was born, and how she still has the burn scar on her leg from the shell.

my high school teacher told me a story once. it was war and she was 15, and it was a friday and they stopped bombarding for three days. the youth gathered at the main square on the date that used to be a celebration of youth. her friend had strict parents, "but whose parents arent strict in a war," she says with a laugh, and they all decided to walk her home before her curfew. a bomb hit the square, civillian target, and killed over 70 people. the youngest was 2. he died because a shrapnel pierced his heart as his mother was clutching him. she didn't notice until it was too late. i know her and her husband. i see them around the town sometimes. my mother worked in the hospital that day, when they brought in the wounded. my father brought them in. "thats what i always remember when my kids say im too strict," my teacher says and laughs. i laugh along. what else am i supposed to do.

the year my sister was born another genocide happened. the world looked away then too, like it does now. when the war in ukraine started my gynecologist tells me about it; about a woman who came in and said "i have 5 children." my gynecologist said "what do you mean five," lookimg at the four surrounding her. the women said "i had to leave my wounded son behind. it was the best chance these other four had to survive, if im with them". she has a placid smile on her face as i look at her in horror. "i learned not to ask stupid questions then," she says, and laughs, and i laugh along because what the fuck am i supposed to do.

i dont know how to take this pain of palestine right now and still i look. i look at the victims, thousands of innocent children and people murdered by israel's carpet bombing. i look at the ethnic cleansing happening in front of my eyes, all our eyes. i look at the world which refuses to call it what it is - an ongoing genocide of a whole population. i dont have the privilege of looking away. i opened my eyes into a war when i took my first breath, and i cannot in good conscience look away. war is in my blood; i am a child of war.

there is no point to this except to say somewhere what hurts me the most right now.

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free. it has to be. anything else is unnaceptable.

#its about palestine but i dont want to put it in the main tag because this is just my grief right now #cw war #and everything it entails #personal #effervescentdragonrants

[mishapen-dear]

im gonna cry again beacuase dapper. was so obviously Affected by bad forgetting him and dying and everything but just. always focused on finding him and keeping him safe and playign with him instead of talking through hsi own feelings. and like yea dapper has pomme. he can talk to her. but she's upset by this, too. all of the other eggs can talk to their parents. empanada did. pomme talked to bad. even richas talked to bad. but dapper didn't. bad worked so hard to collect as many neighbours as he could to build dapper a support system, but. bad has always been helping other people. dapper was along with him. bad was always there for dapper so dapper didn't NEED to build up that same support with the other islanders that the eggs managed to build up with his dad and their other non-parent caretakers. dapper has islanders he's friends with, like etoiles, and he claimed baghera as his mom, but id be fucking shocked if he felt like he could rely on them for this. and why would he. it's his own mess. his own research. his dad. he's not the one who needs to be taken care of here. its the fucking. the responsibility of caretaking and the way that putting other people before yourself to the point of hurting yourself is something that BAD taught him. the self sufficiency. soldiering on through the pain. is there really a difference between a thousand totems and a thousand soul vulture scars. the apathy towards his own wellbeing. even when bad was doing well, he praised dapper for helping people.

its just. its fucking. the sunshine song. just like when the eggs went missing, the only way dapper is going to hear that fucking song is when he plays the recording. but this time bad won't be singing it back. he'll be right there, and he won't remember the lyrics.

#qsmp dapper #qsmp badboyhalo #DAPPEPRPRRRRR #can you tell im feeling normal about this egg rn can you tell #im not getting the vibe perfectly im circling something im hunting something #and im being torn into the whole fucking time #i think that last paragraph gets it tho #but . fuck. the apathy of caretaking and the guilt and the grief and the too-young-for-this and this-is-my-parent #and soldiering on #because what else is there to do #and it isn't about you #but it is always there. like a needle #a blade worn down to a sliver on your flesh #and youre doing your best but your best isn't good enough #and there's no outwards desperation. there's almost peace #but it's not peace its understanding #understanding that you failed #and needing to live with that #but youre also a tool #a tool for helping #and just because you failed doesn't mean you get to stop

[buckttommy]

One thing that was very interesting to me in this episode is the way Eddie was just... not joking about Buck's love interests.

That stuck out.

Usually when Eddie talks to Buck about his love interests, it's with an edge of fond exasperation, teasing laced around his gently delivered truths, but there was none of that this episode. Buck told Eddie he went to see Natalia and it was like something switched. Eddie's entire affect changed when Buck started talking about Natalia. He went from being loose and easy (as loose and easy as one can get when standing at a grave) to being... not combative, necessarily, but visibly actively not wanting to engage in conversation about her either, and it's not...

It's not even jealousy!! We joke a lot about Eddie and jealousy, but it wasn't that at all. It was a fatigue that comes with silence, that comes with holding your tongue, that comes with keeping secrets. Especially when Buck said that he feels like Natalia sees him. That look Eddie gave him immediately after? That was pure hurt. That was him saying I see you too, I've always seen you. But he can't say that. He can't say that, because to say that would be to say so many other things about the way he sees Buck, and to say so many other things would mean to have to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth about the ONE thing he's been holding onto ever since he was shot.

I don't know. I don't know, but I think Eddie taking Buck on a date and I think about how Eddie left his son—his heart—in Buck's care so they could bake cookies together (which becomes profoundly more significant in an episode where Christopher was talking about baking smores with his mom), and I think about Kenny saying Ryan has been doing some very nuanced work in the back half of this season, I'm like

Oh. Oh. I see it, thank you. Loud and clear.

#Before 5B I was like 'Eddie's pining era Eddie's pining era WHEN?' #but babes we are right in the thick of it. It's in his eyes. It's in his smile. It's in the way he looks Buck #in the way he treats him. In the way he creates space for his confusion for his fatigue for his grief. #In the way he shows quiet support and a stern shoulder to lean upon #In the way he doesn't burden Buck with his own feelings (even though that's mostly selfish on his part because #no part of Eddie will ever be a burden on Buck but Eddie doesn't know that yet) #It's just. Eddie's feelings for Buck are literally in *everything* he says and everything he does #It bleeds from him just like his blood did on that street. #If everything about Buck/Eddie's lives have been shrouded by the shooting since it happened #everything about their lives has *also* been shrouded by Eddie's enormous and unflinching love for him #and he keeps holding his breath and swallowing it down and putting off the moment where he pulls back the lid #and it all spills out and before he knows it... before he knows it #it's going to be too late. And instead of his blood staining the street it's going to be Buck's and he's going to tell him #but he won't hear him because Eddie was too slow too fucking slow #(did we all peep the watch on his wrist? Yeah. Time is running out Eddie. Time is running out and it is not going to #wait for fear to release its hold on you. Buck's not going to cheat death again. Don't waste time babe) #Anyways. Yeah. YEAH. Yeah....... whew. This episode was a Lot #jack.txt #tv: 911 #911: 06 x 15 #911 spoilers

[haunted-xander]

So. Fatebreaker, right? Ryne's biggest fears made manifest, daddy issues personified, yes?

He's an amalgamation of Thancred and Ran'jit, his face, his voice and his weapon is Thancred's, but his body, his fighting style and his words are Ran'jit's.

Throughout the fight Fatebreaker constantly makes comments about how only he can protect Ryne, only he can provide for her, only he has even the right to so much as stand beside her, to be in her general presence. He's possessive and obsessive, repeatedly asserting that she is HIS and his only. Which is exactly what Ran'jit says basically every time we encounter him.

But this time it's in Thancred's voice. This time it's with the voice and face of a man she actually cares about.

Ryne isn't scared of Thancred, she never has been. Even when she first met him she was barely even nervous (as clearly shown in Thancred's short story). There's a lot of different feelings happening between those two, but fear has never been one of them.

But now, after things have gotten so much better, she is scared of Thancred becoming like Ran'jit. Because if Thancred was just a little further gone, if he was just a little less compassionate, he would've. It wouldn't be hard for him to go down the same path as Ran'jit did, to be incapable of letting go of the ghost of that girl he loved so so much to the point he'd stubbornly grip anything close to her he could. He didn't, but the fact he could've is terrifying.

It makes his final words, words that are Thancred's, so very important. This is her deepest fears made manifest, but he still says he wants her to be happy. Her happiness not only matters, but is important to him.

#Now we -the audience- ofc knew Thancred was unlikely to go down that path #bc if theres one thing hes been consistent in even in his darkest moments its living up to his loved ones' wishes and legacies #the only time he even speaks against it is his conversation w minfilia in amh araeng #and thats more a case of all his (poorly) repressed grief and stress exploding than him actually meaning what he says #and trying to control rynes life after minfilia literally told him to just let her live her life goes directly against that #i think about fatebreaker a lot. as i do all things related to ryne & thancred #and to me its so important to note that hes more or less ran'jit with just enough thancred in him to be *too* thancred for comfort #its so. her greatest fear isnt even the thing thats been haunting her her whole life (being forced to fill in for minfilia) #its having her free will taken from her by the person she cares about the most (thancred) #and for him to be trapped in endless suffering because he cant move on #just like ran'jit did and was #its not even necessarily that shes all that scared of ran'jit himself #what shes scared about is caring about someone like that #because then she wont say no or try to be anyone but minfilia #(thats also why this fear appears specifically after things get better) #(because she was already ready to forsake herself if it eased thancred suffering) #okay im gonna stop now i need to sleep gnight everyone #ryne waters #thancred waters #ran'jit #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #at this point i should make a tag for ryne ramble posts i make so many of them #tomorrow. maybe. if i remember #edit: i made it #xander being insane about ryne