#been spending a lot of time in the hospital with my grandmother. it looks like thse are her final days.

[bisan-is-trying]

There is nothing my heart craves more at this mentally draining time than genuine happiness. Please. I will take anything.

#feb 2024 #been spending a lot of time in the hospital with my grandmother. it looks like thse are her final days. #shes lost her ability to speak. not sure if its the alzheimer or covid and it hindering her since she is barely breathing. #not to mention the random gunshots and explosions you'd hear whenever you're in there because of the clashes #im barely making sense but my brain isnt braining #imagine gunshots and explosions being so frequent in your area that you could her one coming from the children's ward #and the only thing you could think is. oh the iof are back? where is my brother? where is my father? i hope they are safe #imagine smelling tear-gas in a ward fulp of elderly who are suffering with covid. #will this ever get better??? #im not losing hope but i sure am losing faith in humanity. this is nothing compared to gaza #i saw a video where the stray animals are feeding of the corpses. could you imagine this being your loved one? your child or parent? #seeing people recognising the bodies of there friends by a piece of cloth. because thats the only thing left of them. #im not ok. #i dont know if we will ever be ok. #this has been a tough time and it seems like kts only gonna get worse. #vent

[yril-writes]

— HATE LOVE

synopsis ; have you ever hated love? Who knew that the man you loved so deeply, hated the fact that he ever loved you. How would you feel?

scenario ; this is a "pinagtagpo pero hindi tinadhana" setting translation: you met but not destined. Even if Sukuna stopped visiting in the flower shop, having to encounter each other every time in different places only says it's a small world.

"I hate that I love you this much, when you can't even love me the way that I do. I hate myself for holding onto you, my love..."

type ; drabble

include/s ; ryoumen sukuna

pairing/s ; yakuza character x fl! reader

genre ; romance, angst and a hint of sad depressed corn

I still remember my memories from my past life, I still remember her in that life. "Sukuna, promise me that you'll find me in our next life." she said those words like the sweetest thing I could ever taste. I love her. More than anything in this world. So I promised to find her, in the process I get to meet her grandparents. They would always tell stories about her, just by listening to them it seemed to me that she has the best times of her life despite that she is alone living in their hometown. And I reflected on it, how much of a life we had back in our last life.

And it wasn't much, we met at a very weird scenario we weren't that perfect at all, but I remembered how I took for granted your feelings before without knowing that she would only have so little time to spare living, I felt like an idiot pushing her away back then. I wasted my time arguing, hating, ignoring her when I could've just stayed by her side and spent more time. I didn't want to see her die in front of me, so I broke our promise. I didn't look for her specifically but just knowing about her was enough until one day I saw her. The old lady who was managing the flower shop is in the hospital she said, I never actually imagined myself being able to hear her voice, to see her up close and to even catch a scent of her. (I missed her so much...) looking into her eyes, it seemed to be that her memories of the past didn't actually come to her, she is just a mere granddaughter who manages her grandmother's shop.

That is why I decided to stay away from her, to avoid getting myself in a deep hole again, I didn't want to see her suffering slowly dying again in my arms. But faith and destiny wouldn't leave me be, wherever I go I see her. At town and even random streets. But I didn't mind it at all. "Mr. Yakuza, I've been seeing you a lot from here now! I'm kinda getting used to it!" she cheerfully says it out loud without being embarrassed. But you felt happy despite all of it. "Well, you should stop stalking me. Who's the Yakuza now?" I can't stop myself when I am with her, I just can't ignore her, I crave for her. Even though this is wrong, he just couldn't stop this spilling feeling of euphoria, time flies when you're having fun they say and it's true, it didn't take long enough when she finally confessed to him.

"Sukuna, I like you. Spending time like this with you feels natural, it's as if I already know you from the very beginning...why is that?" hearing those words knocked him back to reality, history repeats itself as they say. Sukuna realizes that getting close to you only puts you in danger, having to repeat losing you the second time Sukuna cannot take that risk at all. Now his only option is to push you away, to keep things in control, to take it all back. "No, I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way as you do..." words like this left a sour taste on Sukuna's tongue, even though he didn't mean to say any of those things he still did for her sake. "I hate being with you like this, I am sorry that I don't feel the same way as you do. I hope that...you'd find someone...good enough..." Sukuna feels lost right now, just the sight of her face slowly coming into tears breaks him. It breaks him to see you like this.

But if it's for your sake, he would do anything even if he has to push you away from him. He would do anything, if history repeats itself. That is why he chose to make you hate him so that it would be easy for you to leave him, without any regrets. "I hate you...Sukuna, is my love for you not enough? Am I not enough?" tears soon shed and chests aching. "I hate that I love you this much, when you can't even love me the way that I do. I hate myself for holding onto you, my love..." but of course he can't say that now, can't he. Now, Sukuna is standing alone watching the woman he once loved disappear right from his very eyes, again.

"I would never want to see you slowly die in my arms again, I'll hate love until the very end for not letting us to be together in this life...maybe in another life..."

a/n ; I was frowning typing these pieces. I hate it I think I am not gonna sleep well for tonight. 11:41 pm.

taglist ; @sammushy @ryuuudesuwa @gcj-doesart @jasugoi

if you want to be tagged/mentioned leave a comment down below!

content/s ; part one | part two

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu sukuna #jujutsu kaisen angst #jjk drabbles #jjk imagines #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic #jjk x y/n #jjk angst #ryoumen sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna #sukuna ryoumen x you #sukuna ryoumen x reader #sukuna ryomen #writers on tumblr #fiction #imagines #my writing #writing #writing prompt #character x reader #yril #yril writes

[marvelandponder]

15Qs and 15As!

Thanks for the tag, Marvel, this sounds fun! Tagging: @smallcrystals, @digikate813, @eddiescorner, and @bevinbrand if she feels like it :) Don't dox yourself on the 'where were you born' question tho, y'all. We're better than that. Are you named after anyone? Two people! My Uncle Stephen and my Nana (maternal grandmother). My brother was named after my dad's high school best friends

When was the last time you cried? I think the last time was a couple weeks ago watching anime. I love a good cry, I've embraced that that's how I express a lot of emotions

Do you have kids? Nope! I'd like to someday, but all in due time.

What sports do you play/have you played? I'm not a team sports kind of girl anymore, but I played soccer as a kid and really enjoyed that.

Do you use sarcasm? Usually only obvious sarcasm. Bevin and I will often use excessively obvious sarcasm with each other to express love. A little linguistic game we play with each other. We never enjoy spending hours and hours on the phone together. So unlike us! Where would you get that idea?

What is the first thing you notice about people? First thing? I feel like my anxiety is charge of that: looking out for how friendly they seem, what they laugh at (if they do), how approachable they might be. I had pretty bad social anxiety disorder from like 14 - 22ish and human beings tend to do the social thing once or twice.

What is your eye color? Hazel! Looks brown but up close you can see there's a lot of green around my pupils, too.

Scary movies or happy endings? My media diet is heavily skewed towards happy endings but every now and then, nothing satisfies like a good tragedy.

Any talents? People know I like the writing thing! I'm also learning to draw now and picking up guitar again for the first time since before uni!

Where were you born? A hospital about... 30 - 40 minutes away from me? I don't live in that city anymore, and haven't since I was 3, but we stayed in the same general province!

Don't dox yourself, folks!

What are your hobbies? Writing, drawing, guitar, going for bike rides or walks. Geeking out by myself or with friends! I'm also starting to learn some German and pick up a few more cooking skills.

Do you have any pets? Nah, wish I did. My living situation doesn't allow for it. But my dad has a dog who I love so much and get to visit! And my sister has two cats who used to live with us that are excellent cuddlers.

How tall are you? Uhhhhh I think 5'11? To use ancient Tumblr Lingo: Tol, not smol

Favorite subject in school? In Elementary - Middle School, it was English, because reading and writing. In high school, Psychology, Legal Studies, Guitars, History, or Writer's Craft

Dream job? Cool question, I'mma over-complicate it! For my career, it's either one of two things: Creative and/or helping people. Add another axis onto that: Stability vs. freedom. I like stability. It helps me feel happy and builds self-esteem to build stuff up. So since most of the creative jobs I'd be down to try have a lack of stability (and often crappy working conditions), I decided to start with stability and helping people! My current job is actually the goal I set for myself to get into in 5 - 10 years. So. Whoops! Got in early! I can't stay beyond this year (covering a mat leave) but wow has it been good experience. And it's cool shit that I like to think supports people in building something good for themselves.

Not a ton of creativity though, and so what's cool about life is that the time horizon isn't just right now, forever. The job I'm in now is a dream job of mine based on the criteria I set out (stable, treats me right, and helps people), but I have other dream jobs I'd like to also try out!

For example: I'd like to become a published author! And I'd also like to learn storyboarding to maybe try being a storyboards artist someday, or some job in animation.

What I like about the job I have now, too, is that I still have enough energy in and around my job to have a life outside of it. So I can build the creative skills that'll lead to cool stuff and opportunities down the line.

Having multiple dream jobs I think is realistic. And just kinda fun to not only achieve one thing, but look forward to what else I can do!

#ask meme

[samkat10423]

A TS2 throwback and a local

This first lot is the last one up there where EA had their ginormous spa lot - and right across the street from the hospital. They used to give out 25% off coupons for your ER visit after dining here, but it's now under new management, so the coupons are no longer valid. Or needed.

When we originally did this project, I volunteered to recreate the Londoste Restaurant from TS2. Since I was doing it by memory - and a memory a tad foggy with copious glasses of wine - it's not exactly the same. But I figured over the years, it had changed hands numerous times and been renovated and then re-renovated. So, here it is:

When we did these lots, we did them without CC and limited use of store stuff. I know! Scary! But for my own use, I went back in and went CC crazy. It was zoned as an Exclusive Lounge - mostly because I wanted sims to have to actually dress up to eat there.

The main level is where the restaurant is located. I use ani's mod for all my restaurants - so those are her menus and stove. On the other side is the bar area where sims can relax as they wait for their table. Or they can order a nightcap there. I kind of went for the whole men's smoking-room vibe. Not sure I nailed it since I am neither a guy, nor do I smoke. But whatever.

Upstairs sims can either gamble or take to the dance floor. Besides the EA stuff, I gave them 2 poker tables to lose their simoleons at - thanks to the lovely @mspoodle1. I love her stuff.

Since I was up there in the mountains, I did another family house. I'm jumping back and forth between redoing community lots and homes - mostly because I hate CAS. Anyway, in the town history the current owner of this house inherited it from her late grandmother - along with some simoleons which she promptly squandered.

Since her bio says that she wasted all her grandmother's simoleons on partying, I figured she wouldn't have done any improvements to the actual property itself. Instead, she left it pretty much the way the dearly departed left it. I figured by the time the old lady croaked, she was half-blind from untreated cataracts and unable to do any repairs due to health issues - hence the reason it looks so shabby. But at least the roof doesn't leak!

And here's the young lady herself - Madeline Moore with the stray cat that had moved in right before the old lady checked out. His name is Jinx. (No reflection on him, but right after he moved in, granny moved on). Anyway, her bio says that she's trying to find work to help keep up appearances. But EA had her in the science field at level 5. So, I fixed that. In my game, any technical field that requires sims to be educated - like science and medicine - now require a Uni diploma. And this kid just got out of high school and went on a partying-simoloen spending spree. So, no time for Uni. No, she now works in the culinary field and has absolutely no skills. Plus, I stole all her money. Because I'm a nice simgoddess I am! If you're going to tell a story, EA, do it right!

This lot was created by Jenba as a replacement for the city hall. It's where EA had their art gallery. And in my town, I use it strictly as an art gallery. In my town history it's where the city fathers used to meet before the new city hall was built. I now holds treasures from the town's past - aka: looted artwork from other sim worlds.

Where I've placed this little newsstand, Jenba had stairs down to a basement that contained the EA city hall rabbithole. Since I use the rugs and didn't intend to use it for my political career, I eliminated the stairs and basement, then built this instead using Sandy's newsstand set over on Around the Sims 3. Now my sims can buy their comic books here. Behind it - obscured by that tree - is @mspoodle1's news van. I have another one over on my business lot.

In the back of the lot is a nice promenade - that I forgot to take pictures of, but I will later. Sims can look out over the lake, paint, listen to music and whatnot.

And that's it for this post.

#sims 3 #Hidden Springs #Londoste restaurant #town art gallery and a local

[athenswrites]

15 Questions

@void-botanist had an open tag for this one and I wanted to play! I'm tagging @the-down-upside-finch @worldsfromhoney @from-the-depths-into-your-soul @aquadestinyswriting and whoever else wants to play! (Tagging @thetruearchmagos to see this and play if he wants)

I'm answering these as Piers Hall and Grady Yensey, from the start of Knight of Dawn!

Are you named after anyone?

Piers: As far as I know? No one. I don't even know who named me. I came to Adele as "Jillian Piers". Grady: Actually yes, Grady was my grandmother's name. She died of IR about two years before I was born.

When was the last time you cried?

Piers: It's been at least three months Grady: Liar, you cried the night before your coronation. Piers: Did not! Grady: Did too! Piers: [huffs] Grady: The last time I cried was *also* before Piers coronation but it was stress more than anything.

Do you have kids?

Piers: No, but I would like kids one day. Grady: No.

Do you use sarcasm?

Piers: Obviously not Grady: They use it just a little too often. I don't typically use sarcasm though.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Piers: Probably the giant scar on the side of my face. It looks like a weird acid burn scar, but not quite. It's from when- Grady: What you notice about others, Piers. Piers: Oh....you asked the first thing I notice about other people...probably if they ALSO have scarring from IR. Survivors are rare. Secondly, whatever they're wearing. It's the active choice they make about their appearance and tells me a lot about them as a person. Grady: For me, it's how they introduce themself, and the titles they use. Piers and I both work with a LOT of different people from varying backgrounds and statuses so it's important to know how they want to be addressed without making it awkward.

What’s your eye color?

Piers: Green-hazel. They've faded a little as I've gotten older. Grady: Brown now, but apparently I was born with bright blue eyes.

Scary stories or happy endings?

Piers: Scary stories! Grady: Happy endings, all the way. I am an avid reader of cheesy, trashy, lesbian romance novels. I'm currently in the middle of one that's set in the wild west.

Any special talents?

Piers: I can bend my back far enough back to stick my head through my own legs. I also can fall asleep after drinking four cups of coffee. Grady: I used to be able to play piano when I was younger. Now, I consider my special talent to be able to dead sprint in high heels. Chasing down people in the Palace teaches you a lot.

Where were you born?

Piers: Honestly, beats me. Officially, I was born in the Palace. Grady: I was born in one of the hospitals in downtown ATLZoS. I don't remember which.

What are your hobbies?

Piers: I like playing chess, going on research deep dives, and watching conspiracy theory videos. Grady: I consider reading my main hobby, but I spend a fair amount of time baking and playing military sim games.

Do you have any pets?

Piers: I've never had a pet. Adele was allergic to most furry creatures and Marcie hated snakes and lizards. Grady, didn't you- Grady: [Swatting Piers] -I used to have a fish but it died because I accidentally forgot to feed it.

What sports do you play/have played?

Piers: I mean, I don't really do formal sports but I do some mixed martial arts and weightlifting. Grady: Same as Piers, but I also played tennis for a little while.

How tall are you?

Piers: Six foot, one inch! Grady: Piers is about five-eleven and I'm about five-six. Piers: Boooo let me have my fun. Grady: You're still growing which shouldn't be happening, but it is. I'm sure you'll at least hit six foot soon.

Favorite subject in school?

Piers: I loved geo-politics and history! Literature is a close one too. Grady: During my Academy time, I really enjoyed mixed martial arts classes and naval strategy. To this day, I somewhat regret not choosing RG Navy. I had high enough scores. Piers: [giving puppy dog eyes] But then you would have left me.

Dream job?

Piers: If I wasn't Monarch, I'd probably still pursue a career in politics. It's so much fun and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Grady: I do want to be Captain of the Royal Guard one day, which should happen when Gavin retires in ten years or so.

#tag game #writeblr #character #character questions #writing #nytf #athens answers #athenswrites #writeblr ask game #wip #character development #character writing

[bottombatch]

Transitional Periods

I'm currently playing the game Season - A Letter to the Future. It's about recording all the sensations and memories of now for future generations. But it's also about transition periods. The characters in the game all know the world is going to change, but they do not know how. The main character spends much time pondering what this will mean for her and the world she knows.

As a transgender person and a human, I think about transitions a lot. There are events that wholly and suddenly mark new seasons in our life; and then there are those that are slow, gradual.

Recently, for the second time in my life, I was part of a roadtrip across the country. Washington to Ohio. We were visiting my grandfather in the hospital. We made plans to drive out there when he could still speak. When we got there he hadn't reacted to any stimuli in two days. Hadn't been awake. Hadn't eaten in a week.

It had felt so sudden, and yet… I remember. Almost a full year before that, he and my grandmother came to visit my sister's highschool graduation. He spoke of his recent surgies. He choked on a piece of chicken and we almost called the ER. I can't help but think that my grandfather's passing was not so sudden. That I was simply not present for it until the very end.

When I think of transition periods, I think of my father. On the way back home to Washington from Ohio (the third time I'd made that trip) we passed through Chicago to see the Korean side of my family. They had just moved into a new apartment that was maybe 200 feet away from their old one. Practically just across the street. They asked my father to bless the new home. He is not that kind of pastor. But still, he prayed. He spoke on transitional periods and how they can be difficult. How family and community are important for such times. And I thought, "How ironic is that?"

How ironic is it that you would say this when you would not be there for my transition! That he would look me in the eye and tell me I was wrong. That I would have to wait until college and even then, do it by myself. That it would not be spoken of in his house.

Now, I wish I had taken more time to be present for my own transition. I am almost at two years of HRT, and yet, it passes in a blur. Two years of transition, so sudden. Again, I was simply not present until the very end. And I can't help but think it's because my father was so unwilling to be part of it. That it made me wish to just be at the end. As if being at the end of the transition period would restore that family and community.

But of course, it didn't. I've had to remake my family and it has been wonderful. They make me want to present. To memorize the now and appreciate it before the next transition.

There is a tiktok comment thread I think about a lot. Profound words in unlikely places are all the more profound, I think.

It goes: harashsidhu - this will gonna take 3 years

ashmanathletic - creator The time will pass anyways

I graduate next semester. I fear what that will mean for me. But I will be present for it. The time will flow like grains of sand and I will count them, for they will pass anyways.

#my writing #season #season a letter to the future #transgender #nonbinary #tw death #tw dad #this game got me in my feels #and i had to write it

[invisibleraven]

Compliment prompt 100, reggie pair of your choice!

The first time Reggie uses his powers, he's a baby.

MeeMaw was trying to feed him, and making ridiculous faces in some vain attempt to shove the spoon into his mouth. Only to reel back in fear and shock as her infant grandson was now wearing her face, right down to the mole above her left eyebrow.

He changed back moments later, giggling and content to play with the pureed yams rather than be fed them, and Chavla took a moment to ensure she hadn't been seeing things. She decides not to say anything-just in case.

The next time is during a game of hide and seek with his cousin Jeb, and Reggie is desperate not to be the first one found. The big kids had claimed he was too much of a baby to play with them, only allowing him to join after MeeMaw gave them her patented glare. So he thinks really hard about how to hide and suddenly, he's a rock.

At first he almost vibrates with glee, knowing there's no way in tarnation that he's gonna get found first now. But then he starts to panic.

What if he doesn't get found at all?

What if he can't change back?

What if Jeb picks him up to throw at the gulls like he does sometimes?

Reggie is back to himself after that, shaking and crying, unable to really tell anyone why he's so upset, and latches himself to his grandmother's side for the rest of the day.

He's a lot more careful about his thoughts after that.

Especially after his mom finds out.

She's scrubbing his face after a fun afternoon of mud pies and sighs as she takes in his red cheeks, thumbing over the warm skin. "I don't know where this rosacea comes from. Certainly not my side of the family," Evelynn said. "Wish there was a way to get rid of it, you'd be the handsomest little man."

Reggie so wants his mother to think highly of him, and hey, this is a flaw he can fix right? So he wills his skin milky pale, the mottled redness melting away, and his mother gasps when he offers her a smile.

At first she tries to use it to gain, but even Reggie's power has it's limits. He can only hold a different shape for a few minutes at a time, and panic makes him instantly revert. Changes to his own appearance seem to last, slipping away as he sleeps, but otherwise his skin stays pale unless he blushes.

Then it becomes a million different comments, about how he looks, things he can fix. Evelynn can enter him into modelling with that, and does.

Reggie hates it.

Hates the heavy feeling of make up on his face, but doesn't dare change his appearance in noticeable ways around strangers. Hates having to stay still as they pin and hem clothes around his slim frame. Hates the mindless hours of standing still, of smiling until his face aches, of always being hungry because they never let him eat on set and his mom sometimes forgets to feed him.

It keeps going for years.

Reggie learns to adjust himself to keep his acne from ever showing up outside of his room. Letting his growth spurt be a little exaggerated so his mom never finds out he'll never be over 5'8, since male models must be at least six feet tall. Gives himself muscles that he knows he doesn't have thanks to years of near starvation. Erases the dark circles under his eyes because he spends his nights catching up on homework and listening to his parents fight over anything and everything.

It all comes to a head when he passes out from exhaustion on a shoot.

He wakes up in the hospital, an IV in his arm, and the photographer from the shoot sitting at his bedside. He's worked with Ray Molina a bunch of times by now, and the man had always been kind to him. Talking to him about how cameras worked, about movies he enjoyed, about his son's baseball team. Always slipping Reggie a cookie or a juice box when his mom wasn't looking.

"Wh-What happened?" Reggie croaks, and Ray almost jumps from the chair before sitting back down and offering him a cup of water.

"You fainted mijo."

"Is everyone mad?" Reggie asks, whisper quiet and ashamed.

"More so concerned about you," Ray replies. "Especially since..."

Reggie glances down at the bed, and finally notices that he's shrunk. Bets if he looked in a mirror his skin would be flaming and spotty. He wants to shrink in on himself, and almost does when he thinks about what his mom is gonna say. "I changed didn't I?"

"You did," Ray replies. "How long have you been able to do that?"

Reggie shrugs. "My whole life?"

"And how long have you been changing yourself to make other people happy?" Ray asks, looking right in Reggie's eyes.

Reggie sniffles in response, which is really all the answer Ray needs. "Well, I have to say, I like this version a lot more."

"At least someone does," Reggie replies. "Mom..."

"Hey, no," Ray says, gripping his hand. "You're perfect just the way you are. Don't let anyone else tell you different." He smiles at Reggie, then lowers his voice, as if sharing a secret. "There is nothing I would change about you."

"N-nothing?" Reggie asks.

"Well, maybe just one thing," Ray ammends.

Reggie deflates. Of course he still isn't good enough. But then Ray squeezes his hand once more, forcing Reggie to meet his eyes.

"The only thing I would change is that you had a parent who loves you and is happy to let you be yourself-no matter what that looks like," Ray says.

The next little bit is full of Ray telling him why he's there instead of Reggie's mom, and it involves words like 'social worker' and 'child endangerment' and 'custody of the state' being thrown around. It involves a lot of uncomfortable talks about his parents. About how much they changed him-or made him change-to suit their own needs.

In the end, he ends up going to stay with Ray and his family. They seem to like him just the way he is, even if Carlos does delight when he can mimic people on the TV with his powers. But Rose encourages him to stay as he is, to finally be Reggie-au naturel for a change.

He finds that suits him just fine.

Plus, Ray's daughter Julie and her boyfriend Luke seem to find him plenty cute just as he is, and well, the feeling is mutual. So he doesn't need to change for people to love him.

He still has to work on loving himself some days, but with his new family, his partners, and a good therapist behind him, Reggie eventually gets to a better place.

And he never uses his powers again.

#filled prompts #ficlet #ray & reggie #hints of peterpatterlina #make reggie a molina 2kalways #julie and the phantoms

[crsinclair]

so here's the scoop

Actually before that, I wanna say that I've participated in the Erasermic Omegaverses Zine this year, can't remember if I yelled about that on here? I was a fic writer for that - if you like Erasermic and like ABO, here's the link to the collection on Ao3! Mind the tags on the individual fics, please! ANYWAY. I've had. A fucking. Time. Kinda a rant and also an explanation for why I've been absent and also why I linked my kofi at the bottom of this. A lot of shit happened!🙃 This summer, my Papa passed away. I loved him. I really did. He was funny, kind, and he took shit from absolutely no one. If it hadn't been him I would have said I wasn't going to go help out and I was just going to go to the funeral. But it was him, so I told my friends that I was going back to the city, and I was going to help settle everything, pack his things, etc, because I loved him. I should have stayed home. First of all, my family treated me like free labor and like shit while I was there to help out. Second of all, I got into a car accident on the way to the funeral and the guy who hit me tried to intimidate me into not calling the police before driving off - and yes, I was injured. Third, my family "expressed concern" over my injury and then proceeded to have me write the obituary, decorate the funeral room alone, and asked me to be a pallbearer while injured. I could go into so much more detail but I'll spare you the horror of My Family™️. I'm honestly surprised I made it home without collapsing. AND ON THAT NOTE: A week later, I did collapse. Dramatically, and with flair. I was recovering from both whiplash, grief, and having to spend time with My Family™️ and over at my friend's grandmother's house when suddenly I didn't feel well. I stood up to splash some water on my face, got into the restroom, realized, "Hm, this is more serious than Not Feeling Well, I should tell someone Right Fucking Now," wobbled back into the other room, told the grandmother that something was wrong, and then proceeded to collapse to the ground and have a heart attack. After that, my heart rate would not calm the fuck down and I had wild heart palpitations for the next seven hours! Yes, I went to the hospital. I have been to the hospital twice more after that, had several more doctor appointments, have had several tests done (including a Tilt Table test, which 0/10, do not recommend), and there's plenty more that I could talk about (like the Tilt Table test, though I might just make a TikTok account for just to rant about that akdhfa it's both not funny and FUNNY), but what it all boils down to is this: I have a very, very severe case POTS all of a sudden and my doctor is still trying to figure out what the hell caused it. Currently I'm trying for disability benefits because I legitimately cannot work - my sleep schedule is fucked, my energy levels are all over the place, I can't stand for long at all without fainting and I can't sit for varying length of time without the same. I hate to even do this, but I'm a broke bitch who has medical bills for tests and operations (god I have one in just a few days and I am NOT looking forward to it) that I can't pay for because I don't have insurance, so: Here's my kofi page if you'd like to buy me a coffee or help me not stress about the multiple doctors visits I have every month!

I do have, like, actual things I want to talk about other than "Oh this is what I've been up to - BEING SICK" - like the cute EMic fics I have in the works, the Cheeky Brat fic I've been working on and haven't been talking about on here because it's 🤭 e x p l i c i t (teehee) and even my DnD shit that is mostly entirely self indulgent but I don't care I'm going to shove it in your faces anyway.

Anyways, that's what I've been up to. I've posted about a good portion of this on Twitter, so I know some of you guys know about this, but I wanted to give Tumblr a heads up that I am bed ridden and Doing My Best.😫

#ravyn rants #yeesh it's been a r i d e #health problems #life update #i hate asking for help #and asking for money #but i acknowledge that i am rubbing together imaginary pennies at this point #any help that can be given would be very appreciated #i might even do tiny doodles in return #tiny ones #chibi #ravyn rants in the tags #anyway also go check out the omegaverses zine fics they're all great #and some of them have the art in them!! #good stuff good stuff

[tarlos-spain]

Flufftober Day 4

Prompt: Supporting silly hobbies

Fandom: 9-1-1 Lone Star

Pairing: Carlos Reyes/ TK Strand

Summary: "Since when do you go to the gym yourself? But I've never gotten you to go running with me in the mornings."

Carlos had spent a whole week working, had barely had time to spend at home and had almost feared that his children had become teenagers without realizing it. TK had taken a few days off to be with the kids so they wouldn't miss their parents (so much).

He would arrive at night, the kids would sleep and he would leave early the next day because the police all over the city was on alert for a group of criminals on the run. When he was finally able to spend a whole day at home, instead of taking the opportunity to do nothing and lie on the couch, he set about doing the laundry that TK hadn't done.

TK hated laundry.

There was everything, children's uniforms with unknown stains, a couple of TK's uniforms, and then all sorts of different clothes.

He also found one of his husband's uniforms that he had never seen before. White and it was the large version of the one Gwyn had for the gym he was going to for mixed martial arts.

The original invitation had been from the Vega twins who had invited her to the Strand-Reyes twins. Gabriela had been unimpressed by the punching bags, the punching on the pads, and the kicking and weapons exercises. Gwyn on the other hand had spent the rest of the day talking about them.

A day later he was already on the tatami, with his new uniform and his first belt.

Finding himself in his adult uniform, Carlos was surprised.

He put it in the washing machine, cleaned the kitchen, prepared a special dinner for the whole family and finally sat quietly on the couch waiting for TK to arrive from work, Gwen from the gym and Gabriela from her drawing class. The former was arriving with Owen and the latter with her grandmother.

TK was the first to arrive, Carlos jumped over the back of the couch, hugged him tightly and planted a kiss on his lips that took his breath away.

"Hey, we're going to have to spend more time apart..." TK said and wrapped his arms around Carlos' waist.

"Don't even think about taking a longer shift than usual, I need you always close tiger."

"Like how close?" TK kissed him again.

"A lot and changing the subject. can you tell me what that martial arts uniform I saw in the laundry basket?"

TK blushed. "Ah, yes, hadn't I told you?"

"Tell me what?" Carlos tugged him over and led him to the couch, sat on the backrest and rested his finger on his husband's chest. "Is this some kind of surprise for the bedroom, because the truth is I have other fantasies, do I have to tell you about them?"

TK burst out laughing.

"Let's see, if you want me to wear it to bed tonight, I have no problem, but I know you like me better in a paramedic uniform. Besides this uniform is my new uniform for the gym."

"Since when do you go to the gym yourself? But I've never gotten you to go running with me in the mornings."

TK shrugged.

"Well, Saturday I was with Gwyn at the gym, it was father-son day and well, I guess I was just curious."

Carlos opened those wide, bit his lip and stared at him expecting him to burst out laughing, but TK was looking at him seriously. "Are you serious, do you now go to your daughter's gym where people spend the day beating each other up to get and try to give some?"

"You say that like you don't trust me."

Again Carlos bit his lip, put a finger on his cheek, moved his face from side to side looking for a bruise or two and feared he hadn't noticed he had a black eye. But apparently there was nothing unusual.

"After all the times you've finished the hospital, after being shot, kidnapped and after the hypothermia, I assure you I'm afraid of what might happen if you get kicked too hard... no, I'd rather not think about it."

TK rested his head on his husband's chest and heard him laugh. Carlos kissed his forehead. "I want to do it for Gwyn. You should have seen her little face when I put her uniform on in front of her for the first time."

"Promise me you'll be careful, I don't want the hospital to call because they've... no better not think about it, just avoid waking up in the ER but have fun."

The door of the house opened, and the two twins were arriving at the same time with their grandparents, Tomi came out of his room where he was studying and hugged them. Carlos rested his head on TK's shoulder and the paramedic wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Does that mean I have to go to drawing class with Gabi now?" Carlos said quietly to his husband.

"Have you learned to draw?"

"No."

"Then don't worry and I promise not to end up with a new concussion."

"Hmmm, TK, one of these days you're going to give me a heart attack."

#flufftober2022 #tarlos #kids #family #lonestar #911 #9 1 1 lone star #9-1-1 lone star #carlos reyes #tk strand #911 lone star

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I flew home yesterday, after a week in my favourite place in the world, the seaside village where my grandparents live. Or lived, from when I was two years old until late last year when they moved to a care home. And it’s very close to where they both grew up, where both their siblings and their families still are, where my grandmother’s family has lived for years, where I’ve spent time at least once a year for the last thirty years. So I think I can say my family’s from there. I like the idea of being able to say my heritage is a family from the East Coast, even though I’ve never actually lived there.

Or almost never, since when I was 21 I did one school year in the city out there, which was absolutely amazing. I kept thinking the novelty of being able to walk to the ocean in three minutes would wear off, and it kept not doing that. For eight months I walked to the water very nearly every single night and sat on the boardwalk and listened to music and marveled at how beautiful the ocean looked under the stars with the lights of the harbour. When it rained I went with an umbrella. When I was out doing stuff at night I went after I was done whatever it was, even if I was drunk, even if it was very late. I might have missed two or three nights, but no more than that. I never got tired of it.

When I go back and visit now, I spend as much time as I can by the water, and I remember that technically, there’s nothing stopping me from setting up my life so I could do that every night again. It seems absurd that there are so many places that are walking distance from the ocean, and I choose to live in a place that’s hours and hours away from it by car. And then I remember that when I actually did live in that city, I had some of the worst mental health experiences of my life. Constant moderate to severe symptoms like chest pain and shortness of breath and dizziness, and somewhat regular experiences with severe breakdowns. Four separate hospital trips and more trips to clinics and hours and hours in waiting rooms to try to work out what was wrong, and after many physical tests the answer was always that it’s just caused by my anxiety levels being too high all the time.

I remembered that I’d experienced things like that as a kid, back when my mental health problems were more overriding, but they’d stopped in high school. And they’d started up again as soon as I went to a place where I didn’t have the sport that I’d started right at the beginning of high school. I wasn’t sure how much was about the physical exercise and how much was about the psychological benefits of the goals and purpose and community that went with it, but it became clear that that sport was the reason I’d become a person who struggled with mental health stuff (the words anxiety, depression, OCD, and autism have all been thrown into diagnoses by different doctors throughout my life) while being overall functional in society, instead of being worse off than that. So I transferred to the university in my hometown after just one school year in that amazing beautiful city, moved home and rejoined the team I’d left, even though it seemed ludicrous to willingly leave the ocean and the place where I could go into most bars most nights and hear someone playing the type of music I love live. God, it was so fucking cool to live where Celtic and East Coast folk music is everywhere and not just on my iPod.

I guess the last two years show I am, in fact, capable of living without this sport. I mean, I’ve had rough times in the last couple of years, but I’ve had lots of rough times in the years that my sport has been going with me in it - it doesn’t cure my mental health problems by any means. But I haven’t been to the hospital in the last two years, so that’s something. Maybe I could pick up and move to the ocean. It’s something I’ve thought about. There have been a few times during the darker points of the pandemic when I’ve found myself on my phone in the middle of the night, Googling jobs in my field in Edinburgh and also how hard it is to get a work visa in the UK. Not seriously considering it by any means, and I haven’t done it for over twelve months now. But there were times when I vaguely wondered about it. There was a lot of time to fantasize about the outside world during lockdowns.

I don’t think it would work, though. I think I only got through this time because I understood that this was a temporary break from my life, during which I could replace my usual obsession with a new once (hence... this entire blog), and I’d have my life to go back to afterwards. The going back part is something I’ve been working on for a few months now, and it’s a bit uneven and sometimes tough to re-integrate and to deal with being an outsider in what was my home, but I think it will get back to making it my life again. When I have moments of wondering what it would be like if that never happens, that feels incredibly bleak and purposeless and terrifying, and that’s when I remember why I don’t just pick up and move to the ocean. I think I can only handle a separation from this main driving force in my life if I know it’s temporary.

All this has left me feeling vaguely wistful today, as I’ve just come home from a week of being where I love but I can’t stay there forever. Spent time in the forests and by the ocean and in the ocean and under the stars, the sorts of things that feel meaningful and beautiful and magical. Today, I decided I wanted to ease out of that slowly by bringing up something with at least a bit of that feeling in it, so I decided this is the time to get Daniel Kitson’s story shows. I’d heard one of those before, off of Bandcamp, and really enjoyed it. But the others required me to pay Vimeo to rent them, and even though of course I knew they’d be worth the money, I object based on some principle or other to paying for something I don’t get to keep. And of course I could just pay the fee and then illicitly download it, but I’d feel guilty doing when the artist has specifically written in the video description that he does not want people to do that. Fine, have your artistic whims about how this is better if people only get it for a short time to make it special and all, I see what you’re going for, but I like to keep things. It’s very irritating when an artist I enjoy so much holds the belief that things are better when they’re only experienced once by a select group of people and that’s it. Maybe Marc Maron was right about him (I’m joking, of course Marc Marson wasn’t right about him, but every single comedian in Britain is right about him, since as far as I can tell they all think his brilliance is the ideal for which every human being should strive).

Today, I decided to forget about that and watch them anyway, and I’m really glad I did. I’ve seen two and a half story shows so far today, and I have a couple more to go after these. I gathered all the shows I could find that I hadn’t already heard, which were three from his Vimeo page from small amounts of money, and two from his website. Okay I might have downloaded one, but then I felt really guilty about it so I won’t download any others. And obviously I won’t share the one I downloaded with anyone, I just like to have it. And I did legitimately pay for it first.

They’ve been amazing so far. Honestly, and I barely understand how this is possible given how much I’ve been going on about how everything this guy touches is amazing, they’ve been even better than I expected. In that I’m not normally into theatre or the whole “one-man/woman show” thing (I can love a comedy show that borders on being those things, but if it crosses into pure earnestness it gets difficult), but that was no obstacle at all to enjoying these. I think I’m not normally into that stuff because so much of it is people trying to pretend there’s meaning in something when there isn’t really. This is not that. All of it feels substantive. I’ve spent all day watching these things and getting goosebumps and shivers and down my spine and thinking, okay, it’s not the ocean but it can replicate the feeling fairly well.

While looking up things about Daniel Kitson so I could try to find where all the videos of his shows are, I came across a review that described his brand of theatre as: “slightly racier versions of playwright Alan Bennett’s BBC monologues.” I haven’t heard Alan Bennett in years (not on his own, anyway - I did re-listen to a bunch of Beyond the Fringe stuff in late 2020), but when I was young my dad used to play Alan Bennett monologues in the car sometimes, and I remember them well enough to be quite sure that is a very accurate description of Daniel Kitson. Also, I remember loving hearing the Alan Bennett CDs when I was young. As an adult, I still enjoy stuff like that, but I have also developed a taste for comedy or any other art that has an edge to it of the sort that did not exactly define Alan Bennett, and that I guess is what the reviewer meant by Daniel Kitson being “racier”.

Now that I write that I don’t know exactly what I mean, since Alan Bennett did confront a lot of dark stuff quite directly; I recently re-watched The History Boys and that was a fun coming-of-age story about pedophilia and homophobia and death. So by “edge”, I don’t mean “tackles difficult subjects”, as I think that’s one of the things that actually did define Alan Bennett. But I think I mean more than just “says the word cunt sometimes”, even though that’s one thing Kitson does and Bennett did not (unless there’s a lot about those monologues that went over my head as a kid). There’s something specific about the way Kitson will sharply contrast his whimsy with his viscous streak that I really like. Anyway, the fact that he can be accurately described as a racier version of Alan Bennett is a great explanation of why Daniel Kitson appeals to me so much. You know, aside from him just being a genius who deserves every bit of his revered status in comedy.

“Falling in love is like hearing a new song then going straight out and buying everything in the band's back catalogue; loneliness is baking a cake and then having to spend the whole of the next week eating it.” - That Daniel Kitson quote isn’t even from any of the shows I’ve listened to today; I just think it might be the best description I’ve ever heard of anything so I wanted to post it.

[regalityandcoffee]

Will and Jade headcanons/timeline part four: a lot is happening

Will spends that night cleaning the blood off of the Women's Championship in his hotel room, regretting ever making that match. He knows it could have been worse, he's glad he talked them both out of a street fight. But now he's just feeling nothing but guilt

Guilt for Jade, guilt for glaring at Shayna because he's starting to doubt that she pushed the ladder, knowing he's going to need to go rewatch the footage. Hunter texts him of her condition, just minor cuts and bruises.

It's a little past four am by the time he falls asleep, waiting in the er and cleaning the belt and a splitting headache kept him up. He sets an alarm for when visiting hours at the hospital open up. He wants to be there first thing in the morning.

Unluckily for him, thats 9am, which means he barely gets five hours of sleep. He's exhausted as he enters the hospital, carrying the women's championship with him, ignoring side glances as he goes up to her room.

The sight of her still fast asleep in her bed breaks his heart. She looks so fragile, covered in blankets with monitors checking on her, it's not the Jade he's used to. He sits down in the recliner next to the bed, holding the belt, and before he knows it he's get drowsy. He just wants to be there for her when she wakes up. He almost falls asleep when a grumble jolts him back awake.

Jade seemed to be stirring from her slumber. He's anxious, wanting to take her hand before like he did in the ambulance. He waits, watching as her eyelashes flutter until her eyes slowly open.

"Good morning, Miss Prescott." Is the first thing Jade hears when she wakes up, next to a pounding in her her ears, headache immediately back. She looks to see Mr. Regal (she could never call him anything else) sitting next to her. As her eyes focus, she registers the clean suit but disheveled hair, a worried look in his eyes. He takes her hand, and she makes no effort to pull away. How long has he been sitting there? She wonders. He looked tired.

His voice is soft as he informs her of what little he knows about her condition, how worried he and her friends had gotten for her in the ER.

Before she can stop herself, she croaks out an "I'm sorry."

He looks startled. "Sorry? What ever for, flower?"

Flower? That was new. She tries to explain the best she can through the achey fog in her head. The image of his suit jacket and shirt bloodied still fresh in her mind. "Your suit, I- messed up your-"

"My- don't worry about that. How are you feeling this morning?"

Now , normally, Jade is a pro at lying, as much as she hates doing it. But considering the obvious, she mumbles out a truthful "Bad, it hurts." Because quite frankly everything still hurt.

"What hurts dear?" She feels stupid that such a simple question bring tears to her eyes, but it does. What was this? The third time she cried in front of him? She couldn't help it. The lights, the beeping noises, the aches all over her body and his thumb brushing against her hand was becoming too much already.

"I wanna go home..." she mumbled as she lifted a hand, wiping at her eyes

"I know, dear. But you need to stay for observation. The doctors said you may have a head injury, we just want to make sure you're okay."

She doesn't answer right away. Hospitals freaked her out. They reminded her of when she was a teen, her grandmother being sick and her mother too much. They were cold and loud and smelled funny. When she was hurt she'd avoid them as much as possible, even in CZW, patching herself up and praying she didn't get tetanus from the barbed wire or something. But she manages to nod, even though her neck hurts like hell. She didn't even like regular check ups.

She hates the way Will looks at her. He looked sad, and he was too nice to ever be sad over someone something like this. It made her want to apologize again, but she held her tongue.

"I brought this for you, dear." Will shows her the clean title. "I know you said you didn't want it, but it's still yours for however long you're champion, okay?"

Fuck, how did she forget she won that last night? Jade looks at the title, seeing her reflection in the gold. Was it worth it? Was it really worth it? She doesn't know what to say or how to look at him, she just shakes her head and sets her head back against the pillows.

A knock on the doorway startles them both.

It's Adam Page. William is suprised Mia isn't with him, but the cowboy quickly informs him she's getting something out of the car.

He sits up straight, greeting the man like he would anyone else. He's not sure if he should apologize for his behavior the night before, but Adam mentions nothing so he figures its okay as the man sits on the other side in the wooden chair, immediately chatting with Jade, telling her how worried he was. He doesn't miss the look in the man's eye or the soft tone of his voice. He's clearly in love with her.

He watches the careful way he takes Jade's other hand, minding the bandages and such around her wrist. He watches for any discomfort or look of being uncomfortable on Jade's part, but she's just looking at the man with tired eyes.

William let's go of Jade's hand as soon as Mia walks in. She doesn't trust him at all, especially not around Jade and he doesn't want to give her any more reasons to be suspicious of him and misunderstand his intentions

She takes the other wooden chair next to Adam, stealing glances at him as she talk to Jade.

It's just the four of them, but it still begins to feel crowded after a bit. Will sets down the title in the recliner, excusing himself to go...get lunch even though he's not really hungry. To his suprise, Adam gets up and offers to go with him. He has no reason to refuse, do he lets the man leave with him out of the room.

He awkwardly complements his suit in the elevator. Will says he likes his boots as he fidgets with his jacket

While they're in the cafeteria Will looks for something to bring to Jade (even though a nurse would probably beat them to it by the time they get back). All he can remember is that she likes chocolate. He caves and asks Adam if she'd like a slice of cheesecake, something not too sweet but still good.

Adam's suprised but quickly nods "Yeah, she loves cheesecake, how'd you know?"

They pay and are about to walk to the elevator when a "son of a bitch" from Adam stops Will right in his tracks. The man had gone ridged, and was staring daggers at a couple seemingly asking for directions at the front desk.

"Mr. Regal, can you take this up to Jade and Miss Mia, I gotta handle something real quick."

To be continuuuuued...

#regality rambles #jade prescott au #headcanons GODS AM I REALLY GONNA HAVE TO DO PART 5 SHEESH

[theretirementstory]

Greetings from Bar-sur-Aube, where the weather is 8c and mostly sunny….. hang on a minute Météo is now saying rain is due (that wasn’t forecast).

This morning, bright and early, I drove out to discover a few villages I had either seen signposts for or had just driven through, on the main road, heading elsewhere. It really does pay to look beyond that row of houses on the main road.

First I turned off the main road and drove up a hillside, the road was surrounded by trees and the dappled light coming through the tree canopy was a delight. Over the top of the hill I drove down into the village of Éclance, I didn’t park up (it’s not very big) and I continued my journey to Trannes. I had seen a sign for a lavoir but I couldn’t spot it from the car and so continued on my way. I passed the church which did look lovely but didn’t stop. The purpose of my journey was to visit La Rothiere, where on the 1st February 1814 a great battle raged between Napolian’s army and a German/Russian army. This village was a delight, I parked up on the aptly named Rue du 1er Fevrier 1814, as I was getting out of the car the distinct sound of the grues (cranes) flying towards the lakes filled the air. To my left was “La mare” a stagnant body of water with signage showing little toads which inhabit it in the spring. I then spotted a lavoir (top photo) and the church at the top of the street (second photo). I wandered around for a while then drove to the war memorial I had passed as I arrived. It was a huge memorial for such a small place (114 inhabitants) commemorating the dead of 1814, 1870-1871 and 1914-1918. Rather than drive to Dienville to see Lac d’Amance, which I suspected would be busy with people wanting to see “la grue”, I drove home. It was a wonderful way to spend a pleasant time on a Sunday.

So what else have I been up to this week…. well I visited “Count Dracula” again and had more blood taken, it was difficult to take and they didn’t seem to get a lot but it was enough and the results were with me by the afternoon.

Pauline, was in town to visit her grandmother and she called round to see me on the 1st November “Toussaint”. It was great to see her and it was such a lovely day that we even managed to sit outside for a time.

I then had a cleaner arrive to give me a hand with the housework. Well to be honest she was “more broken down” than I am. She was shuffling around and didn’t get half of the work done that I had thought she would. Next week there will be a list and to be honest if she doesn’t get a move on, she will be given the elbow. Do I expect too much, I am not sure!

I managed to book the taxi to take me to Nancy, however, speaking to the pharmacist on Saturday he said I shouldn’t go for the appointment while I have “no rights to healthcare” as it could cost a lot of euros and it may not be refunded 😳.

I went to a (free) concert in Dienville with Anie and her friend Monique (she drove us there), it was the “orchestre aubois des jeunes” it was wonderful, full of energy and the hall was packed! I was out late (that’s not like me) and it was 10.30pm when we got back to Anie’s and I had to drive home! No problems so that was good.

I have had my flu jab, am due to take my last antibiotic this lunchtime and hopefully I will be feeling ok for a while longer.

“The Daddy” flew to Amsterdam on Thursday, he should arrive back in the UK today. My gorgeous grandson, threw his head back and managed to give “The Mummy” a black eye! My gorgeous granddaughter is doing really well in school and it was lovely to see a video of her reading , using her finger under the words and building up the letters, wow I remember learning to read that way too.

“The Paralegal” who is also the hospital visitor, was on that duty yesterday but not before he had been out shopping for himself. He has had a “happy new haircut” and hopefully he will be “making a list, checking it twice” not because he is Santa but just to aid him through the coming weeks.

I found this short poem and thought it apt, Risk by Anais Nin

“And then the day came,

when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom.”

Oh yes, I have purchased Xmas cards and stamps, so must get organised writing those. It doesn’t seem much like Xmas being around the corner does it?

I am now going to eat my lunch, and then catch up on a few jobs before I settle down to some knitting or stitching up.

Have a good week until next week!

#larotheire #barsuraube #photography #autumninaube #crafts #france #nature #livingthedream

[athenswrites]

15 Questions

@unmellowyellowfellow tagged me in this and I'm gonna leave it as an open tag so I can get more of these tag games done! if you see this and want to play, consider yourself tagged!

For this one, I'm feeling spicy and I'm going to switch to a different WIP. Let's meet Onila and Sursia Kina, two siblings who work with the rebel group, the Watchers. Onila is the Kain (leader) of the Watchers and Sursia is the Watcher General and former Director of DragonKnights.

(From World of Ateine! @thetruearchmagos you might want to see this one)

1. Are you named after anyone?

Onila: I was apparently named after a grandmother somewhere in my lineage. Onila is a relatively common name on Ateine though, but everyone knows me as THE Onila Kina. Sursia: Like Onila, i was named after a distant relative and Sursia is a pretty common name. However, we've made a pretty good name for ourselves. Kina is not common.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Onila: I will admit, I get emotional a lot quicker than I used to. It was probably a week or so ago. I don't remember exactly. Sursia: Three or four days ago? There was a new clutch of pygmy fire dragon eggs found near Dragonsbreath. The population has been dwindling due to poaching and the Knights were able to go in and relocate the nest further from the city. One of the older dragons I used to work with was a pygmy fire dragon from that area and it reminded me of her.

3. Do you have kids?

Onila: I have a daughter, Acceber. She's currently 8 orbits old, and currently studying in the primary school at Base Sky. She stays with me in my loft. Sursia: Unless you count the sheer amount of dragons I've helped raise and train over the years, no. I don't think I'd want any either. my niece is enough.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Onila: I use it a lot in day to day conversation, but when doing Kain-related things, I have to be pretty straightforward. Sursia: Sarcasm isn't used often in the Knight's Sign, so it's not something I naturally tend to use. I can pick it up pretty well...sometimes...

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Onila: Allegiance. It's easy to take one look at someone and tell by the clothes the wear, the way they hold themself, and how they react to me. Sursia: Probably if they choose to try and speak to me or if they just speak to Onila or Larepo or whoever else I'm with.

6. What's your eye color?

Onila: I'm a coreblood, meaning I have lineage from four partages, and one of them is red-blood fiend. My eyes are technically brown, but they have an odd reddish tint from that red-blood fiend partage. Sursia: Same as Onila.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Onila: Scary movies! Sursia: Happy endings. We have enough scary shit going on in our world.

8. Any special talents?

Onila: I am an AMAZING shot when it comes to arrows, probably the best of the Watchers but I suck ASS when it comes to guns. Sursia: I can lift over [800 pounds] of dead weight over my head, if that counts. Other than that, I think most people would say Knight's Sign is a special talent, although it's the language I use. It's shared amongst the Dragon Knights, as most of us are deaf from dealing with the dragons (which are insanely loud, by the way. I could get my hearing fixed if I wanted to.

9. Where were you born?

Onila: I was born in the Lakaj region, one of the southernmost regions on Ateine. It was the dead of winter, we were snowed in, and dad was on duty, so it was just mom and Sursia who had come to visit and help mom once I'd been born. Sursia: I very vividly remember Onila's birth because we were snowed in for the next eight days afterwards. I was born in a hospital in the Asaf region, which is in the big central mountain range on Ateine. Dad was working in the Heart of Hell at the time.

10. What are your hobbies?

Onila: I don't have time for many hobbies but I have been spending a LOT of free time trying to read through the entirety of the Holy Books. You'd think I'd be done by now but there's a LOT of them (like hundreds) and they're all super dense and super long. Sursia: I spend most of my free time at Dragonsbreath, which is about [4 hours] from Base Sky where I'm stationed. It's usually assisting the new Director or just taking care of the Dragons.

11. Do you have any pets?

Onila: His name is Rebme and he's a pygmy fire dragon from the same clutch of eggs as Sursia's Terme. He's about the [size of a Great Dane] and while he technically is supposed to stay over near Dragonsbreath...but he escapes and flies over pretty often. I visit him whenever I can and one of my old friends takes care of him. Sursia: I used to have Terme, but he was poached for his scales. He was still a baby too. I still care for many of the dragons at Dragonsbreath although I don't consider them pets, really.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

Onila: Combat simulators are a favorite of mine, but I also played a lot of [a sport similar to soccer] when I was a kid. I rode dragons a lot while working with the Dragon Knights, but I never got into professional soldier level type stuff. Sursia: Unlike Onila, I've spent almost fifty years at Dragonsbreath and rode dragons as a Knight for many many years. It takes a lot of strength and willpower to control them. I've also done some [rodeo-]style riding to saddle break new dragons.

13. How tall are you?

Onila: [5'11"] from the top of my head to my feet, [6'5"] if you count the top of the wings and I'm holding them all the way folded. Sursia: I'm a little shorter, at [5'8"], from head to feet, but I've got larger wings, so I'm also [6'5"] when they're folded. I used to be very clumsy. That's a lie. I still am.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Onila: I actually enjoyed my religions courses most. History was a close second, but only because they related back to a lot of my religion courses. I didn't really get into politics until I got into the Watchers' government. Sursia: I sucked at academics, but if I had to choose, it'd probably be animal biology. It prepared me for some of my Dragon Knight work.

15. Dream job?

Onila: While I enjoy being Kain (leader of the Watchers) I'd love to go back and join the Dragon Knights. Or (don't tell anyone) in an alternate universe, I could have joined the Sanctum. I was super religious as a kid, but it's faded as I've gotten older. Sursia: I think once I'm done with this General thing I'm going to go back to being the Director of the Dragon Knights.

#WoA #tag game #writeblr tag game #writeblr #kain onila kina #sursion kina

[voidthewanderer]

Not only are you making me feel guilty as fuck for leaving the dog alone by himself. You’re also making me look like an asshole to the neighbors I just met. Oh yeah, thanks for helping out and taking care of your grandmother’s stuff. Not a lot of young folks do that anymore. And then I have to proceed to pack all of my shit in a hurry and leave because mommy pissed you off.

She’s currently a live in patient at the facility, they should be providing laundry care for her. If they didn’t have any intentions on doing as such, then they should have put her in a hospital gown or released her after the 14 days they said they would.

Yes, my father threw a massive temper tantrum, smashed his $1100 phone (gee why do I always feel unsafe at my house), and demanded I come home because “It’s -uncle-‘s turn to take care of everything.” I’m telling my mum tomorrow that I’m going back down there.

It’s my decision to watch the dog. I think my father just missed making me miserable.

“Oh, it’s to make her and -uncle- actually realize that things need to be split evenly” and since when has that ever happened? Huh? Uncle has been the baby who can do no wrong his entire life. He’s not gonna step up now. He’s never gonna step up. But you know his hand’ll be outstretched once the will’s being executed.

“It doesn’t make you an asshole to the neighbors” oh really now? These people have never seen me before. I show up one day, live in the house for three weeks straight, talk about how it’s no issue for me to watch over the house and the dog (and how I actually enjoy living on my own again). Only for me to pack up in a hurry literally an hour and a half later and disappear. How does that not make me look like an asshole? I’m not cleaning the house. I’m not spending time with the dog. I went from being the ONLY grandkid actually doing something to help out to disappearing into the goddamn night without so much of a see ya. But that doesn’t make me look like an asshole, yeah sure.

I’m pissed off at all this bare minimum bullshit. You can’t only look at three nursing homes, go “oh they’re too expensive” and then leave it at that. At this point, she needs to be in a home. She cannot be trusted by herself. Get her on Medicaid, there’s no goddamn way she makes too much for it. Between both Medicare and Medicaid alone she should be able to have something covered. Sell the multitude of things she doesn’t need. There’s money to go into her checking and savings accounts to put towards things. This woman doesn’t need to own seven dressers, every bedroom has large walk in closets. There’s three bedrooms. It’s just junk for her to cram garbage into. Every dresser except for one is literally crammed full with clothing she never wears. Every walk in closet as well. She doesn’t need eleven storage spots for clothing that’s crammed full even after removing twelve 55gal bags of clothing.

I’d say if my parents had actually sat down and asked for help, I would have gladly given it to them. I could have gone around the house and put all the junk she doesn’t need into the front room to be sold or just threw out junk. But they didn’t ask for help. And then they chose to make me a fucking bad guy. So now they’re not gonna get help.

When I speak to my mom tomorrow, I’m letting her know exactly how I feel. She wants to fucking give me attitude over it, I’ll point out how it was kinda funny how I seemed to be in a much better spirits living on my own than living in a fucking house where I’m not allowed to be myself. Sue me.

#shut it void

[pathologicalpeoplepleasers-blog]

My Autobiography entitled "You're on your own kid"

My name is Rachel Ashley Sega Barrientos, I know my name is too long so you can just call me Ashley. The name Rachel is derived from my father’s name “Racel” and the name Ashley just came out of nowhere. I am 18 years old, I was born on 23rd of February in 2005, in Hospital of Calapan, Oriental Mindoro.

I grew up in my grandparent’s house after my parents separated. I was 2 years old at the time. My father was abusive and threatened my mom that he would throw me out of the window if she didn't give him any money. Of course my grandparents would never let that slide. So my mom left him and left me with my grandparents and went abroad to work and make a living.

I can honestly claim that I had a great childhood. Even if it wasn't perfect, I enjoyed sneaking out whenever my grandparents weren't looking. My grandparents set very tight guidelines for how I had to live. Particularly with my grandmother, I had a sporadically warm and chilly relationship with them. When my grandparents were away, I would sneak out to play violent games like tex, jolen, habulan, tagu-taguan, and more while they were not looking. That annoyed my grandma since, in her opinion, it was a boy's game. She then purchased me a Barbie doll collection and a play kitchen. While I reside under their roof, I abide by their regulations. It wasn't very fun growing up with so many seniors around you. As I started school things became more challenging for me. I’m aware that my family is a little well off which makes me feel awkward in school or outside the house because people would watch me like a hawk as if they’re waiting for me to make a mistake. I never like it when people would look at me with disappointment in their eyes, that’s why ever since, I’ve been scared to make a single mistake.

After I made friends in school it became a little easier, because for once, I felt like I belonged. Eventually I enjoyed going to school. I learned a lot of things not only from my teachers but also from my friends. Attending public school in the province means more time outside the classroom. Doing activities like sports, gardening, cleaning, and rolling around in the grass. My favorite part in our school was building a dampa. It’s a tradition exclusive for 5th graders to make a dampa before the school year ends and to cook all the plants that we planted around the first quarter of the school year. I focused all my attention on my school and made myself busy so my grandparents wouldn’t call me lazy and also so that I could spend more time outside. I even joined every competition that would make us compete with other schools, such as MTAP, oral reading, journalism, and science fairs. I even joined the volleyball team. All that time I spend outside the house, away from my grandparents makes me feel lighter. I can say that I’m proud of myself for doing things without my grandparents' help. I love doing things on my own.

We graduated a short while afterwards. I had to relocate to Cavite in order to complete my private school studies. I also moved in with my cousin and aunt. My life hasn't altered much other than the fact that my cousin is a lot harder to live with than my grandparents. In this period of my life, I mastered the art of advocating for myself and developed a deep affection for the solitude that I now define as being at peace. My dearest friends and the only ones I thought of as my sisters were pals I made in high school. We weren't flawless, but I would always make the right decision. One of the most important times in my life was when I was in junior high school. I got to know some really cool people. I had so much fun and for once, I enjoyed life without worrying about other people. But things started to get darker as I grew older. I believe that while life appears simple on the outside, it will actually make you cry on the inside. I'm aware that life will never be the same as it was when everything was sunshine and rainbows, but the only thing we can do is keep moving forward and look for ways to be happy. While I'm writing this autobiography, I can't help but smile as I think back on the people who taught me how to be tough, how to stand up for myself, and how to survive on my own. This tale may not be the one that everyone wants to hear. but this story shows how I become the person I am today.

[feretra]

i know i bitch a lot about my health on here, which i suppose happens when you're trapped in a body that functions about as well as a 1975 soviet-built lada, but listen.

fairly regularly, i am required to get injections in my legs, spine, and now left arm so that i'm more or less able to... not be stuck in a wheelchair and miserable all of the time from pain. not that wheelchairs aren't great, but i'm trying to keep myself moving as much as i can. i ascribe very strongly to my paternal grandmother's believe that "if you slow down, that's when it gets you." it being, well, a lot of things, but you can figure the picture out. there's a reason why people on her side live to be like 101.

( full disclosure: if i look like i'm going to make it past my 80th birthday, hide a fucking gun in my cake please god no i don't want to live that long )

basically, this is a side effect of contracting a very rare disease from a bad vaccine as a little girl and having to spend a lot of time in the hospital confronting the fact that i was paralyzed and had a very high likelihood of choking to death on my own saliva as my lungs stopped working. this is not an excuse for you to say vaccines are bad, by the by; what happened to me is exceedingly rare and was likely triggered by my immune system working in tandem with my eds to create a perfect storm that normally wouldn't ever happen for most people (i also had an underlying measles infection we had no clue of, which decided to make itself known while i was unable to do anything about it, and it also attacked my organs which is something measles i guess can do?? fucking hell, that was a rough few months), but we wouldn't know about that for nearly a couple decades.

none of that is really relevant, more so just an explanation of why i'm complaining, i guess. the core of that being that i noticed the injections wore off in january, but i pushed them off because the pain wasn't so bad then. i've just... kept pushing them off since. without them i can't stand for long, because my legs become weaker and weaker, and my arm starts to lock up and the nerves stop working correctly.

but god, they hurt so much. the needles go straight to the bone and i don't want to sound like i'm bragging, but i've been through some of the worst pain you can fucking experience and it felt like just another day. i mean, i painted fucking furniture while i was in multiple organ failure like it was nothing (and then passed out and concussed myself on the er floor during the check in process because dying will, in fact, catch up to you eventually, did you know?) the pain of the injections though? takes my fucking breath away every single time. i usually have to bite down on something -- usually some part of my hand -- and i just fucking inevitably draw blood (and probably a choice few curses) every single time i have to go have it done, and that's like every 3-4 months.

it's stupid, really; the amount of pain i'm in on the daily has to be fucking worse collectively than the half hour's worth of deeply uncomfortable, bone-splitting pain that the injections require. i know exactly what i'm in for, and i know what i have to do to prepare for them, both mentally and physically. so why am i so scared to do it?

#ooc #tw needles #[ i know i prattle on a great deal on here ] #[ but i enjoy the company and even the little chats rn ] #[ i'm not able to do much because i've been pushing off so much since my mom died ] #[ like there's something noble in suffering ] #[ this is some weird remnant of being raised in catholicism by my grandparents isn't it ] #[ but yeah anyway little things bring me joy when i'm stuck on a couch and can't do much besides cruise tumblr ] #[ and if i ever misinterpret threads or w/e or seem off i'm probably having a shit pain day ] #[ like rn my entire left arm has gone numb pffft fucking hell ] #[ except for the pain of course i can feel that but nothing else ]