#before i had social media I would literally save everything I found

[ryanthel0ser]

I need to take a moment to appreciate Ogata's artwork for DMC because what did they put into that artstyle oh my god (also I have a bunch of the art they made when they first started to work on Visions of V and I want to share the ones I have saved)

#btw if you have a DMC artwork that you can't find or was lost to Tumblr and you posted it around 2019-2020 I might have it saved to a folder #before i had social media I would literally save everything I found #i dont have the credits saved for any of them though because younger me did not think to do that #shame on her #dmc #devil may cry #if there are more now send them to me they are like drugs to me #i love this style so much #visions of v is just eye candy the entire time

[7s3ven]

can you please do poseidon/reader and she finds out luke is the lightning thief?

THE GRUDGE. luke (pjo)

( master list )

IN WHICH… Y/N L/N can’t forgive Luke for his crimes despite loving him more than she loves herself.

“I know in my heart hurt people, hurt people. And we both drew blood, but, man, those cuts were never equal.”

Warnings : spoilers, small angst (in my opinion lol. I’m more sensitive to family/friendship angst, not relationship angst), short(ish) oneshot

A/N : to any other writers, do you ever act out the situations you’re writing so you can write a better descriptions of reactions and then you realise that you’re actually a good actor?

Because I literally just acted out Y/N’s reaction and either I’m great at fake crying (which has been a talent of mine) … or my heart-wrenching sobs were real 😨. Also, the song one of us from the Lion King suits Luke perfectly.

—

The life of a half-blood wasn’t easy, especially not when you were a forbidden child. Y/N flipped through her fashion magazine, aimlessly swinging her legs as she lay on her front. “Y/N.” Luke called out, pushing the creaky door open. She lifted her head, staring at him curiously.

“Hey, Luke.” She smiled at him, clasping her hands together. He grinned back, slowly walking over to her side.

“You feeling okay?” He asked, placing a heavy hand on her shoulder. With Percy, her half-brother gone, she was alone in her cabin. Again.

Y/N gazed at him through her lashes. “Yeah. I’m good. I’m fine.” She whispered, reaching out to grasp his wrist. Luke bit the inside of his cheek.

“I have your phone.” Luke uttered, handing Y/N her device. Phones weren’t allowed in camp but Luke found a way around that, much to Y/N’s happiness. She had spent far too long in the mortal world to give up scrolling through social media.

“Thanks, love.” Her pink-tinted lips curved into a soft smile. “You have no idea how much I need this now that Percy is gone on his quest. It’s so lonely here.”

Y/N always hated being in her own company. Her cabin got messy and she never had the motivation to clean it. She was thankful for Luke because he always helped her with the mundane task that should have been easy, but not for her.

“No problem, princess.” Luke lightly kissed her forehead while she laughed. “I can’t wait until Percy is back because I have a feeling that things are about to change.” Nothing good lasts for long. Y/N, more than anyone, knew that. She stalked through the thick vegetation, harbouring a heavy sword. She had heard rumours of Luke… and she needed to confirm it for herself, even if it meant endangering her safety.

“Luke.” She called out, her voice shaking. She didn’t want to believe the rumours but Luke was unpredictable. Ever since returning from his quest, he hadn’t been the same.

Y/N had been at Camp Half-Blood for longer than most and she had seen demigods come and go, desperately searching for glory but never finding enough of it.

“Luke.” She said again, repeating it like it was a mantra that would save him from the terrible fate he had chosen. She dragged her sword against the ground, her eyes scanning for the slightest bit of movement amongst the trees.

She sighed, thinking of returning to camp before she spotted a flicker of orange. "Luke?" She whispered, but he still heard her. She stepped towards him, breathing heavily.

"Luke... what... is it true? Did you..." Y/N couldn't find the right words. "What did you do, Luke?" She asked, grabbing him by the front of his shirt when she noticed how he avoided her gaze and how his eyes looked so guilty. "What did you do?!"

"I did what I had to, Y/N. The gods... they don't care about us." Luke stiffened as Y/N glowered at him, her eyes filled with so much rage and hate and sadness and everything in between.

"You're wrong, Luke!" She exclaimed, harshly shaking him.

"I'm not like you, Y/N! My father doesn't care about me. Yours might give a shit about you but that doesn't apply to anyone! Look around you. Poseidon ignored Percy for years while nurturing you. My father abandoned my mother and I when he could have helped us. Ares hates Clarisse for being a girl and forces her to train harder until she collapses. They try so hard to find every little flaw in us that they ignore what we've done for them."

"But why this, Luke? Why betray us? Me! You betrayed me, Luke! And all your friends and family! Hermes may not give a shit about you, but I do! I have loved you since we first met, Luke! I fucking love you and you betrayed me!" Y/N slammed her fists against his chest, screaming until tears welled up in her eyes. "What did you do to Percy?" She muttered, her voice barely even a whisper. "Tell me. Tell me now and I might spare you! Please… please.” She hiccuped, her hits growing weaker.

Luke wheezed as Y/N gripped his throat for a split second. "He'll be fine... he only got stung."

"I hate you." Y/N seethed, rage engulfing her soft heart until it spilled out and poisoned her body with its toxins. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you! Gods, I hate you, Luke! Fuck you! Fuck… you!” She screamed, the sound echoing around the empty trees.

But she still couldn't bring herself to stab him. "Get out of here, Luke. Go! Leave! I never want to see your face again!" Y/N's voice shook as she shoved Luke away from her.

Heart-wrenching sobs slipped past her lips as she pointed an accusing finger at Luke. "The gods have fucked up, Luke, but you are no different. Maybe you had the right idea at first... but you went with it the wrong way. And it cost you everything. Don't go near Percy again. Don’t you dare touch him ever again! You don’t deserve his kindness! Don't even look at him because I promise you, if you do, I will drive a stake through your heart!” Y/N's confident voice faltered for a moment. She shakily inhaled. "I hope you're happy with yourself." That fated day still haunted Y/N's mind. She often had nightmares about it, where things turned out different had she stabbed Luke. She always woke up with a loud gasp, covered in a light layer of sweat.

On her nightside table, her phone rang. She hadn't been using it much since Luke left. She slowly reached for it. Nobody had her phone number except her close friend, who lived in Tokyo, her cousin, and... Luke.

Her heart was beating unusually fast as she shakily turned the device over to peer at the screen. Her stomach churned and she dropped her phone in horror. Percy was in the infirmary, still recovering from the pit scorpion attack. She was somewhat thankful for that.

She let the phone ring, letting out a sigh of relief when it finally stopped. But it started again, and again. Until on the third ring, she finally clicked the green button.

She didn't say anything, flinching at the sound of Luke's voice. "Y/N? Y/N. Thank goodness you picked up! I knew you weren't going to answer my iris message so I was hoping your phone was working."

Y/N cut Luke off from his ranting. "Luke... don't call me again."

"Wait, Y/N. Please listen to me. I love"-

She hung up before he could finish. She stared at her phone, gripping it tightly. With a guttural scream, she threw it across the room. It landed safely on Percy's bed and a part of her was glad that it did. It was one of the only things she had left from Luke.

She didn't know if she could ever forgive Luke for betraying her trust. And the worst thing was that she still loved him from the bottom of her heart. "You good?" Y/N quietly walked towards Percy, helping him sit up. He groaned.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about Luke... I know how much he meant to you." Percy's eyes softened as he stared at Y/N, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"He, uh... tried calling me last night." Y/N pressed her lips into a thin line.

Percy tilted his head to the side. "So what'd you do?"

"I ignored him until the third time... then I hung up after I told him to stop contacting me."

"You don't have to be so tough all the time, Y/N." Percy uttered, pulling her into a tight hug. His arms wrapped around her waste and she sighed.

"I really want to scream, Percy. I just... can't believe he could do that so easily. I mean, leave us... leave me. I'm trying not to care and I'm trying to say I'm fine but I can't let it go." Tears welled up again, dripping down the red apples of her cheeks.

Y/N would be lying if she said she hadn’t tried to figure out why Luke did what he did. She tried to piece everything together but it only hurt her head and heart to think.

After ensuring Percy was comfortable, she stepped outside. The camp was in utter chaos after Luke’s betrayal and they were trying to find more spies amongst them. Most people suspected Y/N because she ran into the woods to confront Luke and she was closely associated with him, which didn’t help. But she loved her friends and she could never leave them as Luke had.

She wandered into a small clearing, dipping her hand into a cold river nearby to calm herself. She didn’t even notice someone was watching her from behind until they cleared their throat.

With a panicked gasp, Y/N looked over her shoulder. She was expecting a fellow camper, maybe even Luke, but not Hermes in all his glory. The pair stared at each other for a minute before Hermes finally broke the awkward silence.

“You’re Y/N, right?” He hesitatingly pointed at her, worried he had the wrong girl.

She nodded.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to see after Luke left.” Hermes started off, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.

“Luke is the last person I want to see.” Y/N retorted, “You’re second on that list.”

“He really did like you, you know."

“It wasn’t enough apparently.” Y/N shrugged, already accepting that she could tear Luke from his fate, “Maybe I deserved the betrayal… but not from Luke. He practically made me into the person I am. I guess he wanted to see how high he could build me before I fell. He had everything yet he still wanted more.”

“He cared about you. Dare I say, Y/N, he love”-

She cut him off just as she had cut Luke off. “Don’t say he loved me because if he did then he wouldn’t have done this! He… he wouldn’t have done all this!” Y/N choked on her words as she bit back a sob.

“He still loves you. Not loved. Not past-tense. Never past-tense. I’ve seen him, you know. He misses you and for a while, he tried to contact you in every way he could just so he could hear your voice. Even if you were screaming at him. I know that in another life, he wishes he didn’t have to leave you behind.”

“There shouldn’t be another life!” Y/N exclaimed. Getting angry at a god was dangerous but she was so frustrated and angry and hurt. Hermes didn’t seem to mind. He nodded his head, understanding her emotions. “Don’t you get it? You also have to take the blame. You’re part of the reason why he betrayed us!”

“He’ll forgive me eventually.”

Y/N shook her head. “No. You and every other deity thinks that your neglected child will forgive you but they might not. They might forgive but they will never forget. If I can’t even forgive the boy I love with all my heart, how do you think Luke will ever forgive you?” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Forgiveness takes strength." Hermes whispered, barely loud enough for Y/N to hear. "Luke is much stronger than I originally thought and you, the mighty daughter of the sea god himself, are too.”

“Yeah, well,” Y/N shrugged as she stood up, brushing the dirty off her pants. “I don’t think I’m quite there yet.”

“It takes time.” Hermes said, “Meanwhile, I would suggest answering that.” He pointed at her phone that was ringing in her hand. Y/N didn’t even notice with how distracted she was.

She briefly looked down at the screen and raised her head again, her lips parting when Hermes was nowhere to be seen.

She hesitatingly pressed the accept button and raised her phone to her ear. She heard him quietly gasp, surprised she even answered again. “Luke… hi.”

PJO TAG LIST : @lostinhisworld @julielightwood @outerbanks-stuff @jennapancake @csifandom @evrybodydies1 @kkrenae @s0ulsniper @annispamz @justanotherkpopstanlol @soraya-09 @simpforeveyone @papichulo120627 @corpsebridenightamare @lilacspider @prettylilsimp @urmomsbananabread @ur-lacol-dsylexic @hottiewifeyyyy @kamiliora @be-bap @finnickodaddy @th0tblckgrl @shoyofroyoyoyo @uniquely-her @imafrkinsimp @syraxesrevenge @ahh-chickens @dracoslovergirl @midnightstar-90 @8812-342 @liv1104 @krkiiz @arialikestea @ch16rles @lizziesliz @maryclx01 @lukecastellandefender @yuminako @coryoskywalker @julielightwood @crybabysbakery @jsbaby @liviessun @p3pperm1nttea @angie-esc @purplerose291 @prettylilsimp @10ava01 @froggiesstalks @happy-jj @czennieszn @gisellesprettylies @loveyava @csifandom @luvvfromme @mashiromochi @kamiliora @yorksyree @mqg125 @jamesmackreideswife @niktwazny303 @2hiigh2cry @user021099 @living-in-my-imagination88 @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx

#luke castellan x you #annabeth chase #grover underwood #luke castellan pjo #luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #camp half blood #olivia rodrigo #percy jackson show #rick riordan #ares percy jackson #greek mythology #poseidon #the lightning thief #dionysus pjo #percy jackson spoilers #pjo series #pjo show #percy jackson series #percy jackson fanfiction #luke castellan fanfic

[oh2z]

he’s back. kim taerae

word count: 2.04k (woops)

summary: soon after realizing taerae had came back from the uk, you call him to get answers. highly suggestive. reader discretion advised.

contents: sub!taerae, dom!reader, phone call, guided masturbation, pet names 

a/n: the beginning is very lengthy sooorry i rambled lol, reader is afab!

you and taerae have been friends since you both could remember. you’d do everything together; play, homework, even sleepover at each others homes. though you two were super close, you were just friends. nothing more, nothing less.

your bond was unbreakable- taerae being the timid, shy boy that he is and you being the bolder, gut-sy, slightly younger friend he had. taerae was a little older than you, but you always saw him as a cute friend that could always count on you. why would you ever question it? you literally nicknamed him “tae”. 

it was until the summer of your last year in high school that you only saw taerae as a friend. before you knew it, taerae changed. he grew taller, voice dropped, and he even started to dress more fashionable. taerae in your eyes had changed. you found him attractive. 

of course you’d never let him find this out, what if it costs your whole relationship? but little did you know, taerae felt the same way about you, he too was scared that it would break the friendship the both of you had for so long. 

as soon as university started, you both grew farther and farther away from each other. when it came to your schedules, workloads, and even jobs- you guys just had no time to hang out anymore. the both of you were practically strangers. 

at times, you’d see a girl talking about taerae, or even taerae talking with other girls, and it would always sting. hiding your emotions, you just went around and dated. and so did he. 

there would be times that you two texted each other, but it was nothing super big, probably just a few “how are you” and “hey” messages. 

junior year came, and you suddenly didn’t see taerae in school anymore. you asked around, and found out that he went on an exchange program, abroad in the uk.  “he told other people..but not me.” you thought to yourself, upset. 

the end of junior year approached quickly as you were solely focused on your studies. taerae still lingered in your mind, but you had enough on your plate already.

it was a summer night that you threw yourself on your bed, opening you phone to check social media. you felt tense, the stress from summer program applications starting to get to you. soon enough, through other peoples snapchats, you found out that taerae returned from the uk. 

angry, you clicked the “tae” you had saved in your phone, and hoped he hadn’t changed his phone number yet. to your luck, he answered.

“hello? y/n-ie?” taerae said, a light english accent on his soft voice.

“oh, so you remember my name?” you reply, a clear angry tone in your words.

you hear a disappointed sigh come from the other line, and you start to worry. “taerae?” you ask, genuinely concerned.

“i’m sorry-” he blurts. “it’s just that once university started we started to hang out less, and i thought you didn’t like me anymore- b- but i had feelings for you, i- i mean i still do but-” taerae sputtered before you cut him off. “no i’m sorry,” you started. before you processed what he said.

“wait what was that last part?” you asked with hope in your voice. “well- i said that i liked and still like you, y/n.” taerae whispers while laying on his bed.

“i am an idiot,” you blinked. “so fucking stupid.” you told yourself underneath your breath.

“what? no- wait what?” he asked, confused. 

“taerae, i felt the same way. 

the two of you begin to catch up for the next 45 minutes over the phone. you both share the fun experiences you have had while getting lost in conversation together. it was nice.

the line fell quiet, but you found yourself not wanting to hang up yet, and it seemed that neither did he.

“what are you doing now?” you asked him.

“hm...just laying in my bed,” he replied, sounding like he was shifting his position. “probably going to sleep soon.”

“do you share a room?” 

“no, not anymore. my brother’s room is a couple doors down the hallway. i don’t think you seen him in a loooong while, right?”

“yeah, it’s been awhile” you chuckle.

“you should come over sometime,” taerae suggested “he’s pretty cool now.” 

“i can’t wait to see him again then,” you teased.

“well...don’t be too excited to meet him,” he said, pouting slightly. 

you laughed. “i can’t help it, i’m excited to see your family again. your kind parents, and i bet your brother is handsome..” you teased.

“yeah yeah, i guess my parents are kind of nice- wait! i’m handsome!” he insisted.

“of course! i know my tae-ie is handsome.”

“thank you y/n,” he said, sounding pleased.

“so- what are we wearing, mr handsome?” you asked, your tone changing a little as you imagined him stretched out on top of his bed. nervous, not knowing why you just said what you said, you waited for his response.

“uh...” he seemed shy. you didn’t press the silence, just waiting to see what he would say. “just...my sweatpants.” 

“awe that sounds comfy,” you replied, adjusting your position in bed. “just your sweatpants then? no shirt?” 

“y-yeah...no shirt,” he gulped. with your mind racing, it’s just your emotions talking right now.

“hmm. i’d like to see that,” you replied lowly, imagining his tanned chest laid bare, corded muscle contracting with each breath he took, his bicep bulging just slightly as he held the phone to his ear, his other hand resting lightly on his stomach.

“wh-what about you, what are you wearing, y/n-ie?” he asked shyly after a breath.

“oh? i’m just wearing an old t-shirt and some panties,” you replied, stretching your limbs around.

“th-that’s it?” he asked, breath hitched.

“mhm.”

he was shifting on the bed quietly, you could hear movement and his soft breaths. he hesitated before speaking again, seeming unsure how far he could take this conversation before you would stop it.

“what color are you panties?” he asked then, his voice breathy and low. 

“hm? black,” you replied after glancing down at them. “they aren’t very comfy though, i need some new ones,” you pouted, smirking as you spoke.

“they aren’t comfy?” he breathed. 

“nope.”

“maybe...you should take them off,” he said, sounding awkward and cute, like he was nervous to say it, but also desperate for you to do it.

“you think so? how about i’ll take my panties off if you take your sweatpants off.”

“okay,” he replied quickly. there was rustling on his end of the phone and true to your word you removed your panties, excitement at the thought of him imagining you rushing through you. “okay i’m done,” he said.

“me too,” you let him think about that for a breath before going on. “what kind of underwear do you have on?” you asked. 

“um just some boxers.” 

“what color?”

“gray.”

“i bet gray looks good with your tan,” you replied. you could hear him breathing and you waited, seeing what he would say next. he seemed like he wanted to speak but was hesitating.

“what- what do you want me to do next?” he asked then. you smirked.

“i want you to...run your hand down your chest,” you said in a low voice, making yourself sound breathy and quiet. “over your stomach and to you waistband.” 

you could hear him breathing and you knew he was brushing his fingers over his skin like you instructed. he whined softly when he reached his pants.

“what’s the matter?” you cooed.

“i got to my waistband. you didn’t say to keep going.” 

“what do you want to do taerae?” you asked him, feigning innocence. he wasn’t going to do anything until you told him to, and it made you feel very powerful.

“i...i want to touch myself,” he breathed, his voice sounding needy and whiny. 

“go ahead bub,” you whispered, pressing the phone close against your ear. “pull it out and touch it.”. there was a brief rustling on his end of the phone before a tiny, relieved moan escaped his lips, and you knew he was curling his fingers around himself, grasping his firm member. “how do you feel in your hand?” you asked him.

“h-hard,” he breathed. 

“mm,” you hummed in response, slipping the hand that didn’t hold your phone down between your legs. “that’s good baby,” you said. there was a little gasp from his end when you called him baby, he just followed it with a tiny whine. “i bet your big, pretty hand looks really nice wrapped around your hard cock, doesn’t it baby?”

he whimpered slightly. “please y/n”

“tell me what you want, tae” 

he breathed for a moment, the breaths blowing over the mouthpiece and into your ear. “i want to come,” he whimpered.

“and you want y/n-ie to help you?” you questioned.

“yes, y/n please.” 

“listen to you baby, asking so nicely,” you cooed. “go ahead and stroke it for me then. but go slow.”

“ah- okay,” he whispered. you know he was doing it, you could hear the movement.

“that’s a good boy,” you told him, circling your clit lightly with the pad of you finger as you listened. “go a little faster now baby.” he did so, little breathy moans escaping him as his pace increased.

“ah-ah,” his volume rose a bit with each moan and you could hear the movement of his arm as he continued to pump himself. you slipped a finger deeper between your legs, brushing softly at yourself, beginning to speed up to match his pace. 

“taerae...you made me wet with your dirty little moans,” you told him. 

“fuck, fuck y/n,” he groaned loudly at that.

“that’s right baby- don’t stop-” you gasped and moaned lightly into the phone, making noises for him as you added a second finger. his moaning began to speed up- switching from longer softer groans to little quick breathy ones and you knew he was getting close. “you’re doing so good baby. how is my tae-ie feeling?” you asked. 

“y/n- ah- so, so good-” 

you cut him off, moaning his name suddenly as your fingers plunged more deeply into yourself. 

he gasped loudly when he heard his name, the rustling of his arm pumping himself quickly and the music of his high pitched, breathy moans turning you on even more, your fingers slicked with your wetness.

“oh my go- oh fuck,” he suddenly moaned “y/n can i come please can i come,” he asked all in one breath.

“yes- yes,” you moaned out as you felt yourself nearly there as well. he gave one last loud moan as he released all over his hand and stomach and the sound of his pleasure sent you over the edge, your knees shaking as you came, whimpering loudly yourself. the two of you panted quietly for a moment as you came down then he cleared his throat, moving around and making the phone rustle.

“shit,” he breathed. “i haven’t had phone sex since before i left here, that was...fucking good.” 

“.. well maybe you shouldn’t have left then.” you said.

“y/n you know how sorry i am- i couldn’t pass up on this opportunity and i know that i fucked up like i should’ve told you before i left and i’m sorry that we fell off and stopped talking-” taerae pleaded as you cut him off. 

“i’m kidding, it’s okay bub, i know” you smiled through the phone. “oh” he said, staring blankly at his ceiling, hearing you giggle over the line.

“well, it was good, wasn’t it?” you said through your giggles. 

“yeah it was,” taerae started. “we should totally do that in person when you come to visit my house-” 

“i’m going to sleep now taerae” you deadpan, stifling your laughter. “you did do a good job for me though, coming so well over the phone,” you told him softly, suddenly making him feel very shy.

“thank you y/n,” he mumbled, his shy little voice placing a wide grin on your face. 

“text me whenever and you know i’ll be at your place in five. welcome back tae!”

“o-okay. sleep well, y/n”

“night bub, see you tomorrow.”

#kim taerae #kim taerae smut #taerae smut #taerae x reader #zb1 smut #zerobaseone smut #zb1 hard hours #kpop smut #subby taerae?? #first zb1 work #oh2z

[stefanmikaleson1864]

Perfect Team

Requested by a lovely Anon ! ! I really hope you like it !!!

awesome! i love jubal sm! my favourite episode is the one where tyler gets taken hostage trying to go ask his friend to surrender and when talking him down isnt working jubal runs at the shooter in attempt to save his son, if you could write something where the reader is one of the agents outside the bookstore when it happens and instantly panics because, well, shes married to jubal and ty is her stepson, and then its just a nice ending when she runs in and sees they are both okay 

A/N: I hope you all love this and I miss seeing Jubal on my screen so much. If you like my work please comment like and reblog it means a lot to see interactions on my work :)

Y/N’s POV 

Everyone was on panic mode and rushing out the JOC today. There was a suspected school shooting. Everyone was working over time to figure out where it was and when so we could stop it. Hopefully before anything bad happened. 

You all were scanning everything you could. Going through all the social media of kids in the area. Tracking the searches of guns or anything that could help you. In your search something caught you eye. 

It was Hilltop prep. The school that Tyler your stepson attended. You decided to dig deeper in. You didn’t want to tell Jubal right away because you didn’t want to worry him. So you scanned all the kids social media. Was anyone there having trouble at school ? 

Was there any red flags that stuck out the most to you. You got a hit when a kid named Jack and some text between him and Tyler. You decided it was best to step away and look at this information in private. 

You weren’t keeping this from anyone but you also didn’t know what it was and didn’t wanna worry Jubal or put Tyler’s business out there. 

So you took your laptop that you had in your bag. Jubal was working on his desk and he looked over at you when he heard you get up. 

“Everything good” He asked looking at you with a worried face. 

“All good I just gotta ask cyber crimes about something” You lied. 

Jubal seemed to buy it and just shrugged you off and went back to doing what ever he was doing. Which you were grateful for. You knew the second he found out he would have went full overprotective dad mode. 

Which wasn’t a bad thing it was just hard when things meant to be private are being brought into the work place. 

You walked back to your personal desk you had in the back and sat down. When you got re situated you pulled back open your stuff and looked through the messages. Alot of them were about how both boys were struggling. Tyler struggled to make friends because of his cancer. 

Kids were cruel and he had to miss a lot for his treatments. Jack was also another loner without many friends. The two of them talked about normal boy things in the beginning but then things took a turn. 

Jack talked about wanting revenge on the kids who picked on him. Tyler kept trying to talk him down but you knew he was over his head. You could even read in the messages that he wasn’t sure on what exactly to do. 

You knew it was time to loop in Jubal but you struggled on how to approach the matter. But it was so much more than just this. Kids' lives were literally hanging in the balance. 

So you took everything you had and sent to him on his work email. Then you grabbed your computer and headed back into the JOC. By the time you got there Jubal had already been reading them and coming to find you. 

You meant halfway there when he rushed up to you. 

“What the hell is this” He asked 

“Come on not here” you said. 

“Yeah” was all he breathed out. 

He followed down the hallway into a private room. Where he shut the door behind him. He had worry and concern written all over his face. 

“Hey what’s going on” He asked in a softer tone. 

“I was going through kids social all schools. I ran into a kid named Jack who went to Ty’s school. I dug further and found that stuff I sent you” You said. 

Jubal took his hand and started rubbing the back of head something he did when was nervous. 

“Yeah uh who else knows” Jubal asked you could hear the worry in his voice and broke his heart. 

“No one i came straight to you” You said. 

You placed grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze trying to comfort him. 

He softened a little under your touch. 

“Call Ty and see where he’s at I’ll update the JOC where shut down the school and find Jack” You said. 

“Okay yeah yeah sounds good it’s a plan” Jubal said. 

“Hey it’s gonna be okay I promise” You said. 

“I love you” You said to him. 

“I love you” He said he squeezed your hand tight. 

He opened the door and you both walked out and Jubal went straight down to his car and you walked back to the JOC and filled the team in.

Isobel and everyone looked up at you when you walked back in. 

“Everyone hey listen i got something I need to share” 

You hooked up your laptop and put everything on the big screen so everyone could see. 

“I think I know where the next attack is coming from. Hilltop Prep by a kid named Jack he is a loner kid who wants to take revenge out” You said. 

“Wait isn't that Tyler’s school” Isobel asked. 

“Yeah I told Jubal  about it and there is something else” You said. 

“Jack and Tyler are friends but it looks like Tyler is trying to talk Jack out of it but is way 

in over his head right now” You said 

“Yeah for sure where are they now” Isobel asked. 

“Right now it looks like Tyler is on the move and heading towards 15th st” Ian yelled out. 

“Where is Jack right now” Isobel yelled out

“It looks like he’s on 15th not moving” Kelly yelled out .

“Call jubal and let him know where he’s at” Isobel yelled out. 

“I’ll call him on the way I’m on the way over” You yelled out. 

Isobel just nodded at you and you grabbed your stuff and ran out. Your anxiety was high and you were doing everything you could to control it. 

You had so many emotions just running through your head. Was Ty okay ? Was Jubal gonna be okay. 

You didn’t have any kids of your own yet. Your family lived in a different state so when you moved here you were all alone. 

Meeting Jubal and working for the FBI was the best thing that ever happened to you. You finally found a family. 

Jubal’s Kids loved you just as much as he did and you all became super close. So it was hurting you just as much to see Ty going through this. With his cancer and everything else this was way to much for a child or anyone to go through. 

Racing down to the car you pulled out your phone and called Jubal. But of course he wasn’t answering you. 

“Damn it come on” You yelled while people were giving you weird looks. 

You finally made it down to your car and you sped away fast. You tried not to think about the worst case scenario in your head as you broke every single traffic law known to man. 

In record time you made it down to where they were and you saw Jubal just pulling up in front of you. 

Everyone was there you could see the black cars parked to the side not coming out waiting  for the signal to come out. 

You slammed the brakes and got out of the car before it had even come to a full stop. 

“hey “ You yelled over to him.

He turned around and looked at you worry all over his face. 

“Where is he” You asked. 

“Right there” he said 

You turned your head and he was walking around the corner towards Jack. Jubal started walking over but you pulled on him back. 

“Hey wait a minute they could just be talking and if Jack see’s you he might loose control and get spooked” You said. 

Jubal looked at you and it was hard to read his face and know what was wrong. 

“You want me to stay back no way” He said. 

You were cursing in your head because you didn’t want this situation to go from bad to worse. Which to your worse fear was happening right in front of you. 

When Jubal got closer Jack could see him coming and grabbed a hold of Ty. He pulled out a gun and put it on him 

“Hey hey don’t do that put it down” Jubal yelled out.

“Stay away” Jack yelled.

You could feel your anxiety was at all time high and you felt like you couldn’t breath. You watched in horror as Jack pulled Ty into the store behind him. 

Jubal had run over and was able to get in the store. 

OA and NIna along with Scola and Tiff ran out of the cars and you werre right with them. You all were standing in the middle of the street talking about next steps. 

“We need to breech it get in there” OA said 

“No we can’t it’s to risk if Jack gets even more spooked or feels trapped then what he’s dangerous” You said 

“Yeah but we go in through the back then we can take him by surprise” Tiff suggested. 

“No please we have to trust Jubal I know he can get Jack to surrender if it doesn’t get better or were trapped then we will” You pleaded. 

“Fine OA and me will take the back and you all stay at the front if in 10 nothing changes we go in” Nina said. 

“Fine it’s a plan” You said. 

You all got into positions. You were watching the front closely hoping this would come to an end sooner rather than later. 

You couldn’t hear much about what they were saying it was closed off in there. You could feel everything they were though. 

Every second they were in there you were second guessing your decision. Was it the best one ? Should you have breached as soon as you got there. Could Jubal really handle this or was it to personal ? 

A couple of minutes which felt like hours had gone by and you knew what had to be done. You looked at Tiff and nodded at her. 

Her hand reached up to her walkie 

“Its a go guys” Tiff said.

It was like a car crash in that moment. You couldn’t look away your eyes were peeled on the scene. 

Just a few moments later Nina and OA went inside and breached it. Taking Jack from Behind and Letting TY run away. He ran straight into Jubal’s arms. It was such a bittersweet moment. 

You decided to hang back and let them have their space. When they broke apart they walked outside and Ty saw you and ran over to you smiling. He braced you in a hug and squeezing you tight. 

You squeezed him tight and kissing the top of his head. 

“I love you I’m so glad your okay” You said.

“I love you to” Ty said back. 

He let go and Jubal came over and embraced you both in a side hug. 

“I don’t think dad’s gonna be okay though” Tyler said laughing 

“You do know he’s never letting you outside the house again your gonna have to wear ankle monitor to” You said laughing back. 

“He’s got his own task squad now” Tyler said making you both laugh so hard you couldn’t catch your breath. 

“Alright seriously guys this is what were doing now” Jubal said smiling but clearly getting a little annoyed. 

“Oh come on we love you” You said pulling him and Ty into a big hug. Jubal wrapped his arms around you both. When you pulled out you grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. 

“All seriousness though were so glad your okay don’t ever scare us like that again” You said. 

“I won’t I promise I thought I was doing the right thing” Ty said 

“You absolutely did but next time just tell us and let us handle the big stuff” Jubal said. 

“Yeah I guess so” Ty said. 

“ I know what we can do let’s go get abigail and then we can go for pizza and then what ever you want after you pick” You said .

“I can pick anything” Ty asked 

“Yeah i think we can make it happen” You said.

“Awesome i can think of soo much” Tyler exaggerated as he walked away and over to your car.  

“Great who knows what were in for now” Jubal said. 

“I’m regretting everything” You said laughing. 

Jubal looked at you and his face got all serious. 

“Thank you for everything” He said. 

“I really didn’t do anything” You said. 

“You saved my ass and Ty’s had our backs, I love you” He said.

“I love you more and I always will” You said, you took his hand and kissed it making him laugh. 

“Come on let’s get this over with” Jubal said smiling. 

“Oh you love it stop trying to hide it” You said taking his had and walking to the car. 

You all got in and headed out. You were so grateful everyone was okay considering how much of a turn it could have taken. But you were all here and okay and together and that’s all that matters.

#fbi cbs #jubal valentine #tiffany wallace #fbi x reader #oa zidan #fbi imagine #fbi #stuart scola #jubal valentine x reader #jeremy sisto #Jubal valentine imagine #Jubal valentine x you #fbi one shot

[totowlff]

saved by a perfect kiss

➝ to guarantee a year of good luck, you must kiss someone at midnight. the problem is that you have no one to kiss.

➝ word count: 1,5k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author’s notes: this has been a year of creative rebirth for me. after years without writing, i came back to creating stories and being enchanted by them. i found a safe place where i could share my stories and feel good. i thank each and every one of you who took a moment to read my words. you are very special :)

The night was lively. The terrace of the Head of The River, in the center of Oxford, was full of people, as well as the bar that was inside the building, all there to welcome the new year. The conversations overlapped the soft music that sounded through the speakers installed by the environment, the toasts with the most diverse types of flutes, cups and mugs complementing the chaotically perfect symphony.

Of course, you wouldn't miss it for anything.

The invitation had arrived in your email shortly after the end of the season, coming directly from the hospitality team in Mercedes. It was an image prepared by the design sector, specifying the date, time and a request for you to confirm your presence by replying to that message. You did not hesitate to send a reply, assuring that you would be there, however, without any accompanying person.

You arrived at the pub on time. The sun was already low on the horizon when you walked through the door, your eyes scanning the room for familiar faces. Despite working for a considerable amount of time on the team, it was almost impossible to remember all of the nearly two thousand employees at Brackley. Relief coursed through your body when she spotted one of your colleagues getting some drinks from the bar.

— Nicole — you called, waving at her. The blonde woman smiled.

— Y/N — she exclaimed, as you walked over to give her a hug — How are you? How was Christmas?

— I am fine. Christmas was great. And yours?

— It was good, we took the kids skiing, they loved it — she smiled — Grab a beer, we're gathered outside.

You waved, turning to the bartender and ordering a bottle of Heineken, which was promptly served. Grabbing the cold drink and thanking the man, you followed Nicole to where your other colleagues were gathered. Greeting them, you took a sip of beer, following the conversation about the new FIA rules on personal and political manifestations by drivers.

The hours passed at a leisurely pace. The conversations sailed through the most diverse subjects, from Formula 1 itself to world politics. With the alcohol already taking effect in your system, everything seemed hazy and slower, the jokes funnier and the challenges easier.

— So, do you know who you're going to kiss at midnight yet? — Elliot asked as he took a bite of the crab cake he had ordered. That was a popular English tradition and there was no one who didn't follow it, after all, the kiss at midnight was a way to guarantee luck for the year that was starting. And given that the year that was ending had been terrible, everyone wanted to make sure that 2023 was going to be better.

— I'm going to kiss my husband — Nicole replied, squeezing the hand of her partner beside her.

— I need to see where Oscar is — Victoria said, looking at the watch on her wrist — Less than half an hour to go.

— Me and Dan are going to kiss too — Jamie said, wrapping an arm around the social media's neck, making everyone laugh.

— And you, Y/N, do you already know who you're going to kiss? — Elliot questioned, before putting the rest of the pie in his mouth. You felt the tension build up in your body. You hadn't brought anyone with you and you had been single for quite some time. You had no one to kiss at midnight.

— Do I really need to do this? — you muttered, trying to hide your discomfort.

— Of course you do — Victoria replied — We need all the luck in the world next year.

— But who would I kiss?

— Y/N, there are literally a lot of people here, there's no shortage of options — Dan said, smiling — Even if you want to trade places with me, I'm willing, huh?

You laughed.

— Jamie claimed you first, I'm not going to steal you from him.

— Then go get someone — Jamie said — You have less than twenty-five minutes.

Giving a wan smile, you left the circle and started walking around the party, looking for familiar faces that were willing to kiss you at midnight. It was something complex, because the person you knew was engaged or had brought a partner and you didn't have the courage to approach a stranger. Glancing at the watch on your wrist, which read less than ten minutes, you let out a long sigh.

“Maybe I better give up”, you thought, approaching the bar counter.

— Do you want anything?

You stared at the shelves behind him, somewhat reticently.

— What's the strongest thing you've got there?

The man looked back and picked up a bottle of amber liquid.

— I have this rum here. Could it be?

— Yeah.

The bartender poured a shot and placed it in front of you. You took the glass with your fingertips and downed it in one go, like a shot of tequila. The drink burned down your throat, making you let out a dissatisfied grunt. But, you needed something that would help build courage, and fast.

— Thanks — you said, pushing the glass towards the man and heading towards the pub stairs.

At the second floor, was the top echelon of the team's executive. Directors, managers, most accompanied by their partners. Passing through the conversation circles with some frustration, you thought it best to go to the balcony that was just above the terrace where you had spent a good part of the night. The place was empty, which seemed a little odd, but understandable considering the cool breeze blowing through. However, the heavy dose of alcohol you had been drinking was keeping you pretty warm.

Approaching the parapet, you took a few seconds to observe the movement in the street, the restaurants and pubs full, the joy and anticipation of those last minutes of 2022 filling the air.

— Running away from someone, Y/N? — you heard someone say somewhere beside you. Turning your face, you found the tall figure of Toto Wolff leaning with his forearms on the sill, a glass of drink in his hand, with nothing but ice in it.

— No — you replied — I just wanted some air. And you?

— I'm running away.

— From who?

— From everyone.

The corner of your lips curled.

— Are conversations really that bad?

— Considering they're just about how awful this year has been, yeah, they're awful.

You chuckled.

— Yeah, the year was really shitty.

He looked at you, one eyebrow raised.

— Do you think so, Y/N?

— I thought it was general consensus, not just your opinion.

— Yes indeed — he murmured, stirring the ice in his glass — Everyone here wants to forget this year forever.

The two of you were silent for a while, which felt comfortable, until your alcohol-fogged mind decided you needed to know something about Toto.

— I can ask you a question?

— If it's about W14, no.

You laughed.

— It's about something else.

— Go ahead.

— Did you kiss someone at midnight last year?

— On New Years’?

— Yeah.

— No. I think it's been a while since I last spent New Years with someone. Not that I'm looking but...

You smiled.

— So we figured out this year's problem.

He looked at you, one eyebrow raised.

— What?

— The kiss at midnight brings luck for the year to come. Since you didn't kiss anyone, you were unlucky.

Toto laughed.

— Y/N, this is bullshit.

— Downstairs, everyone disagrees with you.

— A kiss, or rather the lack of a kiss, has not cursed my 2022.

On the terrace, someone shouted that the new year was less than a minute away.

— It may not have cursed, but it brought bad luck.

— Do you really believe in these things?

— I started to believe it from the moment you said you haven't kissed anyone in the last year.

He shook his head.

— Y/N…

— Do you want to risk 2023, Mr. Wolff? — you asked, in a rather suggestive tone. Toto looked at you, a gleam of curiosity in his eyes.

— No. Do you have any suggestions to help me?

Somewhere, someone yelled that there were 10 seconds left.

— Well, you can kiss someone.

He turned away from the railing and walked towards you.

— Do you know of anyone who could kiss me and save my 2023?

Five seconds.

— Yes I know.

— Could you introduce me to this person?

— Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N — you said in a whisper, bringing your hand to his face, the fireworks shooting up into the sky with a hiss and exploding in color the moment your lips touched. You felt his fingers slide around his waist, bringing you closer, almost impossibly close. Tilting your head slightly, you allowed him to explore your mouth, the taste of whiskey settling on his tongue. The symphony of toasts and wishes for a new year better than the one that had passed was something in the background around him. In his ears, only your heartbeat sounded, strong, dictating the rhythm of your lips against his.

Until he pulled his face away, panting.

— Happy New Year, Y/N — Toto murmured, your nose brushing his.

— Happy New Year — you replied, smiling.

#toto wolff x reader #toto wolff #toto wolff x you #toto wolff fluff #f1 fic #f1 one shot #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula 1 fic #formula 1 one shot #wlffog #oneshotwlff

[rainybubbles]

How do you meet Haikyuu boys ? part I

part 1- Akaashi, Bokuto, Kenma, Osamu

A K A A S H I :

-You did ASMR on social medias. The "your s/o talks to you after a long day" type.

-You were pretty popular du to the well-written scenarios but also your voice who was so calming.

-Akaashi was one of your fan.

-At first he didn't want to listen to ASMR, believing it was too triggering for his ears.

-But Osamu gave him the advice to try when Akaashi told him about his sleeping problem.

Telling him that ASMR really help.

-And it did.

-Initially, he listened to some classics ASMR satisfying things and slowly he found out the niche of boyfriends, girlfriends ASMR.

You were one of his favorite.

So when his boss presented him the assistant with you he will worked with and he recognized your voice...

He acted professionally.

But when he came back home, his thought was '"a pretty voice with a handsome face."

O S A M U :

-Atsumu drunk singing "IT'S RAINING MEN."

-That's how you met.

-You were one of the MSBY coach.

-And you celebrated with all the team the last victory of the season.

-The problem was an owl, a fox and the sun making a bet of who could handle the most drinks.

-While Bokuto called Akaashi, Hinata Kageyama, it let you with Atsumu.

-You looked up at Sakusa who clearly let a "No to you."stare.

-You sighed and took him at his address that he gave you.

-You tried to handle him, but he shouted he wanted to dance.

-You pushed him on the corridors, but he started singing.

-Desperate you knocked at his door and...

-"Is he...Twerking?", Osamu asked.

-"He did that all along on some Beethoven music and now on Raining men."

-"...we're not linked by blood you know."

-"You're twins."

-"..."

-"I mean you literally have the same cells and-"

-"Let's forget that."

-"O/N" You presented yourself while you pushed Atsumu on the couch.

-"Osamu."

-"I wanna see some ass shakin'," Atsumu mumbled as he tried to present himself too

-"And he's an idiot." Osamu sighed.

-You laughed.

-It was definitely a weird first meeting.

B O K U T O :

-After Bokuto had a food poisoning because of the amount of meat he ate, the coach decided to give him a nutritionist dedicated to him.

-And here you are.

-After explaining him how the balance of food could improve his performance, he listened to you -religiously.

-At the point where he called you before eat everything.

-Even water.

-...

-So yes your first meeting was him explaining how the meat could save the world, and you explaining how it doesn't.

-Even though he's be certain that a steak could beat aliens.

-...yes, he had a theory.

-Yes, it took two hours to listen to it.

-Yes at the end you really doubted of the power of steak.

K E N M A :

-Kenma was blocked.

-And not on Instagram on in a game, but IRL.

-He had a blocked back.

-After playing games for hours in an uncomfortable position, he didn't think his back would block.

-Yes it hurt a little but it was not that much pain.

-And now he couldn't move.

-He shouted Alexa to call Kuroo but this bitch didn't answer.

-He sighed and called the emergency even though his anxiety reached a high level.

-When he heard the knock, he felt relieved but also ashamed someone will see him in this state.

-He heard your step.

-Hopefully, he forgot locking his door.

-When he saw you, you smiled.

-"You look like a cat stretching. Where did it hurt?"

-He told you avoiding your eyes.

-When you started manipulating his back, he hissed and then...

-Then it was heaven.

-His back was suddenly relieved.

-Your hands were magic.

-"You must buy some adapted chair if you sit all day in or do some exercises and see a -physiotherapist." you advised him

-"Are you...A physio?"

-"Want to see me again this fast?" you joked.

-Maybe.

-Maybe it was just to feel again these magic hands on his back.

-But he wouldn't tell you.

-But Kuroo was amused to see him searching your name to take an appointment, totally forgetting your first meeting.

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #x reader #bokuto x reader #akaashi x reader #osamu x reader #kenma x reader #haikyuu time skip

[safety-pin-punk]

Hi!

I’m sort of still getting into punk and learning about everything. You’re blog has been really helpful with resources and everything. Plus your cool.

Okayyy, now my question. I’m a junior in high school and I want to go to college. Pursue further education and all of that stuff. Learn more about the world and critical thinking. But I don’t want to pay a ton of money to a bunch of old ivy dudes.

What’s the right direction to go in for this? Is college a good option if I want to learn? What schools are good places? Where do I learn more about this stuff?

Sorry if this is a lot. Thank you though!

Hey! Thank you for your kindness!!

First off, Im going to stress that you are a junior and you have PLENTY of time to think about this. So dont stress too much right now.

Secondly, I want to preface this with the simple fact of college isnt for everyone. There are SO many ways to survive and thrive in life without it. And thats okay, good even! That being said, this post is just gonna be me talking about college. Under the cut of course

OKAY! So, is college a good option if you want to learn? My answer is yes! I learned a lot at college, both inside and outside my classes. I learned a lot of life lessons, I met people from all over the country (and a few international students). And I learned how to challenge my own beliefs and try to see things from perspectives that I didnt even know could exist prior to college.

But Im sure you were referring to the educational aspect. And truth be told, this heavily depends on both your school and you. Some examples: My school had a phenomenal chemistry program. You couldnt walk out of that program without having learned things if you made it through. But my school also had a very poor fine arts program. And to be quite blunt, I often wondered why any art student chose to stay. But going even further, it depends a lot on the individual as well. I was admittedly not the best student. I wasnt that interested in lab or research compared to some of my classmates, nor did I apply myself as much. And the difference is clear to see when others could rattle off different solvents and what reactions would occur from memory and I would be sitting there dumbfounded.

Next question, what schools are good places? Again, that fully depends on what you want to go to school for. But I’ll tell you what I did and how I chose my school. When I was a junior in high school, I found a list of every 4 year university in my state (I knew I wanted to stay in state, but you can do this for wherever you want to go). I then went through and gave each school a ranking out of 5 (based on vibes, chemistry program, education program, cost, and surrounding area). Once I had it narrowed down to only a few schools, those were the ones I toured. And I chose where to send applications from there.

Though, I cant stress enough how beneficial community college can be. A lot of people get all their gen eds out of the way either before they enroll in a university or over summers. Doing this will save you money and time. Literally not a single person on a university campus would look down on you for this. If anything, they will praise you for being smart. I took a few classes over the summers between semesters just to get them out of the way (and also avoid certain professors).

Where to learn more? Google. Google schools near you. Google schools where you want to go. Google schools ranked nationally in xyz. Google affordable universities. Google universities that have good financial aid programs. Just google so many things. From there, spend time exploring university websites. Read about their community and their academic programs. See if they have virtual tours uploaded. Check out their student activity board social medias to see what it would be like to be there as a student. Sign up for tours. Do an overnight visit if you can!! Or even, just walk around the campus without a tour guide

Best of luck to you on your academic journey! Hope I was a little helpful here

#mail tag

[thelonesomequeen]

I have a random question. How is everyone doing in these trying times? Like it’s so hard out there right now while my partner and I both make what I thought was good money, yet we’re both really struggling. He just got a second job and I’m looking for another job where I can work from home. We were hopping to have a house by now, but are still living in a dinky apartment. Don’t know if we can ever afford kids. Forget a vacation. Social media has given me extreme fomo and made me feel like a failure compared to my friends despite having an MA. Seriously how are y’all managing? It’s hard out there. Sorry, I know sometimes you like to discuss other things 🫶🏻

The world really is a hot mess. It’s crazy how expensive everything keeps getting while wage remains stagnant for most people. It’s a really rough spot to be in for so many people.

I’m personally within the “ok, but I wish things were a lot better” camp. I’ve found myself in what’s now being called the millennial golden handcuffs. Golden meaning I was fortunate enough to buy a house before prices and interest rates skyrocketed, but handcuffed because I can’t afford to move from where I’m at. The house we live in now is a cute little starter home, but around the 5-10 year mark my husband and I had planned to sell our house and upgrade to something bigger before we had kids so we had the space we’d feel like we’d need to fit a growing family. Well. I’m fortunate to have a house, and I will never take that for granted, but selling it and moving now is out of the question because home prices have literally almost doubled where I live in the last 6 years. I literally could not even afford to buy the same house I already live in right now. It’s seriously insane.

But I feel with you on everything else. I thought my life would look a lot different by now and I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever have the things I originally wanted for myself out of my adult life. I always wanted 2 kids when we were ready to start a family for various reasons I won’t get into right now, this will be long enough as is, but I don’t know if we can even afford 1 child in this economy when I see the prices of diapers, formula, and childcare. And it all just keeps getting more expensive every time you turn around. I try to think about those costs being tacked on to our already expensive bills and I’m not sure that we’ll be able to swing it. Not without making severely drastic changes anyway. I also wanted to see so much of the world by now through travel. Covid ruined a lot of travel plans I initially had, and now that we’re mostly in a post Covid world (yes, I acknowledge Covid isn’t truly over yet) the cost of travel has gone up so much that it’ll eat away too much of my savings that I’m not willing to part with. I’m always worried about needing that money for things like medical or home emergencies and spending it down on something like travel just doesn’t feel like a wise choice right now. And it’s hard to continue to save money when the cost of everything keeps increasing. It’s like a never ending circle where you just can’t get ahead.

I wish I had some sound advice to share with you that would help or make you feel better. (Shit, I need it too sometimes). Just try to keep in mind that sometimes what we see on social media isn’t always reflective of what’s happening in reality. For example, a good friend of mine had two babies during Covid, she and her husband bought a new, massive house for their little family, new cars, she’s always posting stories about new jewelry he bought her, and they’re constantly going on lavish looking trips or going to concerts and sporting events. Looking at their life on social media it’s like “wow, must be nice.” It’s really easy to feel envious when we see those things. There’s times where I’ve even wondered “how are they doing it?” and it turns out they aren’t. After a conversation she and I recently had about life in general while we were catching up, she told me they are $2.5 million dollars in debt between their student loans, mortgage, car payments, and maxed out credit cards. They are one small emergency away from losing everything they have because they can’t take on another expense. Their life looks beautiful on Instagram, but that’s a level of debt that makes me feel physically sick and I’d absolutely not want to trade her places for it. The jewelry, trips, concerts, and games are not worth that level of debt to me. Sure, it’s nice to experience those things. But not in exchange for being that financially unstable (IMO-you’re all free to disagree of course). Some of the debt is understandable, they need a home to live in (although their last house was still very nice and perfectly fine for the four of them), they need cars to get to work, and whatever expenses that come with raising their children. That’s understandable debt/finances that most people have. But they could easily be saving thousands of dollars a year on frivolous spending that’s done for the sole purpose of putting up a false facade on Instagram about living that easy high life. I personally don’t know why they feel compelled to do it, they aren’t trying to be influencers, nor are either of their families materialistic like that. But sometimes those great Instagram feeds aren’t always what they seem. 🦎

[slimeylee]

tw//dream situation, grooming, swearing. added a trigger warning since i know a lot of people are finding themselves turning against dream which is totally fine and your choice. you dont have to believe me or any of the tweets i attached to this message. thank you and read on if you'd like.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

alright. i may not have all the information that i found, but ive found a decent amount of stuff that proves these claims incorrect

first, the way he texts-- look at the way dream talks to his BEST FRIEND versus a random stranger. like bitch what? no way those are real text messages. and dream hardly ever calls anyone other than george 'bb' and uses emojis nearly never. when dream texts he is often very dry and in that screenshot of dream talking to a COMPLETE STRANGER is nothing like what he normally is!

look at this and look at this. you see how different the background colour is from the colour around dreams profile picture, 'dream' and 'from your contacts'? it looks edited, right? if it were really true, the whole background would be the same colour dont you think?? more on the twitter dms; look at this post basically, depending on how many white dots the photo has can determine whether or not its fake exactly. it may not be the best proof that the messages were fake, but then another thing; aman-duh said that dream face revealed to her. who in the world is gonna believe that--the only people that knew dreams face before he started face revealing to his friends and people he knows were sapnap, and any relatives probably.

'aman-duh' said that she was going to stream and show more evidence on the whole grooming situation. however, both her and dream said they were going to take legal actions on the situation. you cant show proof/evidence of anything when you take the path of legal action. so how would aman-duh be able to show anything that may come off as proof? dream could not be sharing any further information about the situation BECAUSE he is going to pursue legal action.

also-- why did aman-duh lie about her age? she said that she was twenty years old. and now shes saying that shes a minor and is 18? where is the logic behind this? i dont understand. why is she livestreaming on twitch proofing more evidence instead of taking it to the fucking police? and more importantly--she still likes dreams tweets and is FOLLOWING HIM STILL. why would you want to still be in/able to contact someone who groomed you? personally i would have already blocked the person

she wouldnt lose any of the evidence she had if she SCREENSHOTTED IT and saved it to her camera roll. plus, it happened on instagram and snapchat, not on twitter. so why is she still following dream and liking his tweets? what is the logic behind that?!

alongside that, oxeclean who also stated that dream groomed them, they deleted everything they said, privated their twitter, and they even SAID that everything was fake and they were NOT LITERALLY GROOMED!! all this does it hurt REAL VICTIMS!!

if you are a victim of grooming, DONT BRING SOCIAL MEDIA INTO IT!! GO TO THE POLICE WITH THE EVIDENCE IMMEDIATELY PLEASE!! TALKING ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE PROBLEMS ON SOCIAL MEDIA SUCH AS TWITTER WON'T HELP YOU, IT'LL CAUSE BIGGER PROBLEMS!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

if i find anything else i will reblog this post and share it however this is all ive got at the moment. ive said this two times and ill say it again; my heart goes out to any victims of grooming. your voice deserves to be heard and your body is not a toy. remember that i love you and care abt u so much even if i have never talked to you or i dont know you personally.

-spookyslime

#slimey-thinks #dreamwastaken #dream allegations

[majaloveschris]

Regarding the ‘engagement’ rumors, that was all started by DM.

And it drives me nuts that other media outlets and others are spreading it as fact. She had Taylor Swift ‘British’ married like 8 times.

I hope it’s not true just so DM can end up with egg on her face, like she did with Taylor Swift and Harry Styles.

I don’t hate her account per say. If it’s not taken too seriously, I guess I see the appeal. However, she doesn’t practice journalistic integrity, such as checking multiple sources before confirming things as true. She just a gossip account who shares hearsay and people are now taking her as this gold standard. Eww.

DM was the first big social media person or account or whatever to ever talk about the engagement as a fact, which would already be problematic, but the fact that she says she has a source about the engagement, about how it went down, and she knows details about the wedding, which I don't think she has or knows, is a bigger problem. I don't think that anybody would tell anything about the wedding or the engagement if those things actually happened or were happening, or if they were a real couple. DM has never shown any real evidence that she actually has a source who is close enough to Chris to know these types of things, and we all know she's mentioned several times that she has nothing on him. But sometimes (when it's convenient to her), she magically has.

I think she has nothing on Chris, but she acts like she does. She either sells her thoughts as "facts and details" or somebody is feeding her bullshit.

I will never forget how angry Swifties were when they found out Taylor and Joe had broken up while she was spreading the engagement and marriage thing for months prior to that. She was called out, and she deserved it. She tried to save the situation by saying "they were married in the UK," but then she also said that she doesn't even know if it was official or not, or just a wedding-like ceremony. Like, girl, stop lying; you were wrong; admit it and own up to it.

While I also think she should check everything before posting it, I also think people shouldn't believe a single thing she says or posts. Or I'd rather say they shouldn't take it as a fact but as a possibility. Taking them as "they may be engaged", not as "they are engaged". She has a gossip site. I'm not saying she never gets actual tea, but it's usually more about professional stuffs than personal. And why do people even take everything so seriously or as a fact because of her? We all know she doesn't check her sources or the things she posts. Everybody can lie or make things up, and to me, it's always so interesting and annoying to see that some people literally take every single little thing, no matter who says it or where they say it, as a fact. Not everything you read on the internet is true!

#majaloveschris #chris and alba pr #taylor and joe dm #chris dm bullshit #cevans-love

[laurenkmyers]

The new year in England is rapidly approaching and it always seems to make everyone so reflective.

So I figured, as this year has been one of the best, but also without a doubt, the *worst* years of my life, I'll make a reflective post of my own. This is more for me than for any of you, but if you find comfort or resonate with anything that I do say, hi- you're not alone.

Sometimes it's easy to forget that not everything is as you see on social media. People's lives are so vastly different to what we see through the lense of instagram or twitter, and sometimes even through his loveable hell site. It may look like someone is the happiest they have ever been, when in reality someone could be suffering and putting on a happy face to avoid the awkward questions.

My life this year started off strong- I had a dream job in film. I was financially stable. I had savings for the first time in my life. I was able to splash out and buy things I wanted without worrying what to eat that month.

One of the highlights was seeing my name on the big screen for Barbie. It was my first ever credit since joining the film industry. It had people I haven't spoken to in years reaching out to tell me how proud they were of me. It was a bit of a whirlwind to be honest. I felt untouchable, I felt seen for the first time. I felt great.

Until I didn't. Until it all came crashing down. The film industry went on strike. No, sorry, the writers and actors went on strike and the crews were forced out of work because of it. Now, don't get me wrong, I am 100% with the writers and the actors and I support the strikes wholeheartedly, but the knock on effect to the crews was one one the darkest times of my life. I suddenly found myself out of work, unable to find a new job, and that wasn't to say I didn't try. I cold-emailed every company, every production I knew who were still working, and even the ones I didn't. But alas, it was all in vain. There was no work.

My mental health was deteriorating rapidly and I didn't know what to do to bring myself back out of the dark. So I looked at my dwindling bank account and made a last minute decision. I'd never had this amount of time off from work before, and the only thing that gave me a shred of happiness was my silly little bl shows.

So I did what I thought would make me happy. I booked a last minute flight, and 3 weeks later I was in Thailand having the best 12 days of my fucking life. I met my long time, long distance bestie in person for the first time. I went to some of the most beautiful temples I had ever seen. I met the love of my life, Bible Wichapas, not once, but twice as I supported him at a local event. I made new friends who I still keep in contact with. I saw so many bl boys in the flesh it still boggles the mind. I travelled to the north of Thailand on an overnight sleeper train. I took a speedboat to literal Heaven on Earth and swam in the most crystal clear ocean. I got 4 tattoos all commemorating my time in Thailand and my love of Jeff Satur, Prapaisky, and Vegas Theerapanyakul (by definition Bible), by a local artist who charged me next to nothing (and then I got one more tattoo for my SKZ bias Bang Chan). I cried meeting an elephant. I visited some of the most iconic Kinnporsche the series sets. I rode on the back of a scooter for a forty minute journey that cost me £1.50. I ate the spiciest dish of my little white girl life. I got to see Man Suang on the big screen. I met Mileapo at the airport and Mile smiled and waved directly at me. I got stuck on a boat during the heaviest rainfall of my life. And overall it was the best experience I have ever had. I fell in love with the city, the culture, and everything in between.

But the moment I landed back home in England, the things I had desperately tried to bury by living my best life for 12 days hit me like a sack of shit. I had no income, no money, and a mountain of bills to pay. All those savings I had were gone in just 6 months. I started to panic. I had (several) breakdowns. I couldn't pay my friend back the money I still owed her. I could barely pay my rent. I couldn't tell my parents because I didn't want to tell them I'd failed. But I was stuck. I applied for any and every job under the sun, but even they didn't want me. I felt fucking useless... and once again my mental health was dragging me down to hell. I couldn't see a way out. When I did eventually get up the courage to tell my parents, one of them told me I was a fool to spend what little money I had left travelling to Thailand, as if I didn't already know it was a dumb idea. But what they didn't know was that the trip had ultimately saved my life.

After that reality check, I did what I have never in my life needed to do. I asked for financial help. And both my parents came through. I know how lucky I am that they did. Not everyone can turn to parents to help them out. I'm forever grateful. They gave me £500 each. So I now had rent money for two more months. I also went on benefits (which I'd refused to even consider for so long because to me if felt like defeat- it's not). But then I took the first job that would take me. I now have an income. It's minimum wage, but it pays the bills. I finally feel like I'm slowly making my way back to the surface. I've still got a long fucking road ahead of me, I'm still overwhelmed as fuck, working tow jobs and studying to teach English as a foriegn language, but things are slowly taking shape again.

I'm hoping the new year will help me get back on my feet. I've accepted a few days on a very well known soap which I'm excited and nervous about, but hopefully with it, the momentum in the industry I love that I lost last year will start to come back to me.

Overall, this year has been fucking crazy in the best and worst ways and I'll be glad to see the back of it. I'm not one for making resolutions as I tend to live life day by day, but my hope for this year is to get back to somewhere near where I was before.

And most importantly, I want to go back to Thailand in the not-too-distant future. Whether that's to visit or live, who knows?

2024- Let's fucking goooooo!

#happy new year everyone! #i hope 2024 brings you all the laughter #happiness #and joy #and stop comparing your life to others #its the worst thing we can do #we all put on a face on socials #not everything is as we see #trust in yourself #love the things you love unapologetically #and live life the way you want to #you got this

[mama-mystery]

Personal Update -- Moved & Safe

Hokay! Been a while since I posted here, but a lot's been going on. Let me give you the short version.

My wife and I move and left the state of Texas after saving up for over a year this year. It was a hard move for us to make, but we made it after a very long drive with two very quiet cats. My wife was the mastermind of all of this, and I don't know how we could have done any of it without them at the helm. They are my beacon in so many ways, and they certainly were that again here, as we moved.

But, as I had began to say, it was a hard and stressful move. Some folks know that I was out of work before COVID hit, struggled to find work during the pandemic, we had a slew of bad events happen in our lives... but we pulled through it, certainly not perfectly, but we pulled through it.

But living in Texas didn't make any of that better or easier. While in Austin, a series of laws were enacted by the Governor that specifically targeted the Transgender and Drag communities of the state. People think of Texas as a big Conservative hellhole (and it is due to the government), but it's also much more than that. The cities of Texas are incredibly diverse and wonderful places.

I don't hide the fact that in real life, I'm transgender. My wife's transgender. These laws were purpose built to screw with people like me and keep us off of the stage and out of public view. For example, certain "devices" (see: breast forms and fake packages) could be considered adult and can't be included in public performance if a specific law isn't blocked, which would include public speaking like mine. If I wore my breast forms, for example, it would classify my act as adult no matter what I was speaking about or how clothed I was.

In fact, it's so broad that simply wearing my breast forms in public would constitute a crime. It would bar me from public life if I chose to present myself the way I've presented myself for multiple decades, without issue.

All of that for a pair of fake boobs under a t-shirt. Amazing law. Brilliant legal. Yes, these are sarcastic sentences.

That's just the beginning of the stuff that's been happening down there, and it honestly only gets worse. Not all of it makes it up to the news media, but we're lucky that some of it does, like our AG trying to get a list of transgender people in the state without legal reason.

I'll be blunt: It's dangerous to be transgender in Texas right now, and I feel deeply for all of the transfolks who are still down there. None of us should have to live like that or be degraded like that.

I deeply admire those who are choosing to stay for whatever reason they have, as those people are fighting for their literal lives. They do it with class too. My wife attended multiple protests in Austin, and each time they were surrounded by amazing, helpful, kind people. There were physicians, lawyers, people with water, food, and first aid kits... the list goes on.

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone here on my blogs and social media for all of the messages of kindness, support, and strength. I turned to them many times to help push me through. Without y'all, we wouldn't have been able to do what we did in the first place -- so thank you.

I'm still recovering from everything we had to do. While it's been a few weeks since we moved, it's been an extremely emotional time for me. It's odd to say, but I've found that I'm recovering from the stress of living in fear in Texas -- stress I didn't even realize I had until we left. It's also been the anniversary of my Dad's passing, as well as the passing of a number of our friends. This time of year is always grueling on me.

I know I'm doing better and feeling better, but it's still a slow path of recovery. I've taken it step-by-step, yet I truly loathe how abysmally plodding it all feels. My wife said it best: It's slow because we have to build new neural pathways in our brains to replace the old rusty ones and that takes time and patience.

I'm looking forward to getting back to being creative again, especially if I can continue to carve some more free time for myself now that my wife and I aren't living paycheck to paycheck with an astronomical rent. (I've been very, very confused by the concept of "having personal time again.")

I don't know when I'll quite be back doing my thing again with consistent gusto, but I will continue to be keeping in touch on my DeviantArt, Tumblr, and Instagram, as well as doing what's needed for SizeCon's tech.

And, I can say I do look forward to seeing everyone at SizeCon Micro 2023! <3 ~Mystery / Astra P.S. - Fuck Texas.

#lgbt #transmodel #trans pride #transgender #transisbeautiful #transgirl #trans women #trans rights

[autisticlenaluthor]

sc request: Any s4 or s4 SC ideas you have?, feels like we don't get many of those, despite it being some of the best settings for identity reveals. Kara and Lena have an established knowledge of each other after season 2, making those seasons ripe for identity reveals, or Lena figuring out inconsistencies with Kara. The whole plane scene, the introduction of Sam as someone who Kara can be jealous over but unsure why meanwhile Sam calling Lena out on a crush on Kara, The whole reign/ex bf [1/2]

2/2] returning, the angst of Kara being hurt, s4 truth seekers, s4 setting up a potential return of Cat who figures out lena and kara are pining over each other, angst over Kara having to erase Alex's memories of her, Kasnia, the almost identity reveal actually becoming an identity reveal, and so many more potential AUs to canon. Feels like we as a fandom kind of ignore those potential settings because canon wise they sucked.

---

okay yes i just wanna say sorry in advance because this is going to be a mess because I have SOOO many thoughts about season 4. so buckle up for the most incohesive, rambly analysis you've ever read

i will literally say it until im blue in the face but season 4 had so many potential reveal spots and I will forever be angry lena found out the way she did

personally, i've always hated that lena never figured it out on her own. she's a genius/former child prodigy with multiple phds and you want me to believe she was fooled by a pair of glasses and a ponytail?? i think it would've been way better if she'd always known the secret and she was just waiting for kara to tell her. i'd hoped that in the season 4 ep where mercy attacks, after supergirl bypasses the lockdown, lena would've told her she knows.

specifically when she gives her that look, when she raises her eyebrow and tilts her head after kara says "but you're in a crisis and happy to see me". that was the PERFECT opportunity to show that lena knows, she just isn't letting on. i would've loved to see smth after where lena confronts supergirl about knowing she's kara. it could've been in an angsty/betrayed way or in a kind 'i know' way. idc. it just should've happened

also the thing you said about inconsistencies ! lena is smart, she's intuitive. things don't just fly over her head. and while I don't think she seems like a big 'people person' I think she's the type of person who analyzes behavior and makes mental logs of everything.

she's also been betrayed so many times by friends, coworkers, assistants, family, etc. that she has to know her friends. and by that I mean be slightly stalker-ish. i don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that lena's had L Corp employees look into the superfriends without them knowing. or at the very least, Lena would've lurked through kara's social media profiles when they were becoming friends.

this is all relevant because being who she is -- I don't think lena would take kara canceling plans or leaving abruptly in the middle of things as just a coincidence. especially because when supergirl makes a big save it's often on the news-- if lena's character were more realistically written, she would've pieced together that supergirl is always 'out' right around when kara leaves her. and I think even if she'd just had a slight suspicion that those two things were connected, she would've investigated.

so even if she didn't know kara was supergirl right off the bat-- I don't think she would've made it FIVE YEARS without piecing it together on her own.

it literally took her like a week and a half to figure out sam was reign once she started getting suspicious, like come on !!

--

I've never thought about kara being jealous of sam before (typically she's written being jealous of jack. and we see that in season 3) but I kinda love it as a concept

lena and sam were so close in season 3 and when sam leaves, in the first episode it's implied sam and lena are still in close contact. lena seems like she gets into pretty intense relationships once she's friends with someone

(she obviously holds back and tries to wall herself off. but i think once she's in, she's IN with her attachment to that person. i think of course, she still keeps information about herself private- she doesn't open up right away, if at all. but i see her as forming very strong attachments-- which we sort of also see with andrea. she's been deprived of genuine connection and care her whole life so when someone shows that to her, she doesn't want to let it go. i also think that she feels way more intensely about these relationships than were shown. like with kara -- she presents as caring about her a Normal Amount but we also see her studying for gamenight and crying over pictures of the two of them together. i think way more of those behaviors happen that aren't shown, bc of lena's history with trauma and abandonment)

and the intensity might be something that makes kara feel insecure. sam is gone so lena and kara are seeing each other more often but maybe sam comes up in conversation more. lena will mention in passing things sam has said over text or how much they're talking or say she misses her, and it will make kara feel uneasy.

i think at this point kara would know that the feelings of jealousy are because she has a crush. at least, she'd know it subconsciously. but at this point she knows she needs to tell lena she's supergirl and she's starting to feel a lot of guilt around lying to her. so I feel like she'd sort of beat herself up for it? like think that she can't have a crush on lena or come forward about her feelings until lena knows

#supercorp #supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers

[n0ct0urn1quet]

unbelievably in love with my gf rn but i have decided NOT to ramble in the tags and am instead rambling in the post but only bc i have lots to say ant it literally would not fit in the tags . ANYWAYS KJDFKLJDFKLGH @vergildotcom

i just :] she is so prety,,,,so shaped,,,,,,unbelievably shaped (positive),,,,,,everything abt her physcially is just !!!!!! lovely!!!!!!!!!!!! she is so round and chubby and very much pillow shaped (which is epic bc honestly? the pillows i have rn are flat and i wake up with a sore neck every morning. however if i just use my gf as a pillow i wake up with NO sore neck and NO back pain or anything . literally she is a much more comfier pillow than my Two Actual Pillows DJKSJKG)..... shes so . bfhnjg :)

and she is just !!!!!!!!!11 so kind.......so sweet.............ealierer we were talking n i was all yearny n she was like "bro whats that" n im like "w,,,,,,whats what,,,," n shes like "whats that on ur face" n imall confused ?? so im like "idk bro,,,,,,,,,,,," n then shes like !!!!!!!!!!!! "*mwah*!!! its me!!!!!" n im like :O :O :O :O :O !!!!!!!! its u!!!!!!!!!!1 on my face giving me a kis!!!!!!!!! waow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <:]

idk im just thinking so hard abt her rn she makes me . verey haby. n not to get kinda sentimental ig but i rly need to reliaze that. like. i dont Need to worry about a lot of things. i dont need to worry about taking a picture of myself n thinking that i look bad in the picture or i dont need to worry about how my brain works or anything like that bc. she'll lov me regardless. i could send a picture of myself who just woke up and i could have my hair be all crazy and wacky and all over the place and she would be like "u look prebby :)". i could have an Episode n get all anxious ovr something dumb n she would b there to help n even if there wasnt something she could rly Do to help she would at least . Be There. n thas all that matters to me

idk i just <:] i just lov her a lot yk,,,,,shes just. the nicest person iv ever met. im very very lucky to have met her and sometimes it baffles me that we met completely on Accident. i remember a while ago her n i talking n she told me she found my tumblr blog completely on accident bc she meant to click on someone elses blog but ended up clicking on mine n its just. it is baffling to think that if she hadnt accidentally clicked on my tumblr blog 4 years ago we might not have even. like. met each other at all.

thats another thing i think about! sometimes i think about. my Life. before i met her and before i rly joined tumblr. back when i was living with my dad n mom in a not very safe household. n sometimes i wish i could go back n prevent them from splitting up or think about how my dad couldve gotten better if he had just gotten therapy for his issues but. the thing is. if all of that happened and he did get help where would i be. i dont think i would have ever joined tumblr because my dad didnt rly want me on any social media at all so i dont think i would have even met maria. so sometimes in a weird twisted way im Glad all of that bad stuff happpened bc. if im being honest, if it never happened i wouldnt have moved in with my sister, she would have never shown me tumblr, i would have never made an account and i would have never met maria. n idk thats juts wacky to think about. yeah those events left me with severe trauma n a shit ton of other mental issues but it led me to the girl who kinda saved my life in a way so for that ig im just thankful that all of it happened. i mean yeah i got a fucked up brain now but heehee i have a gf and she makes me happy and i loveve her :]

and idk just !!!!!!!!!!! knowing that in a few years or less we could be moving in with each other,,,,,,,groughg it makes me happy. so happy. and its just so weird to think about bc we've been together for 4 years and in like the first year or two we were togteher we kinda didnt rly vc a whole lot n we couldnt rly video chat so all we rly had was jus talking thru tumblr/discord and we both desperately wanted to see each other but we jus. couldnt. n we wanted to try n raise like $300 or something to come see each other but its kinda funny bc like all we were worried about is seeing each other. we didnt think about like if i would stay with her in her house (she was living in a . very very very very small place at the time) or like if my mom would be coming with me or if the ppl she lived with even like Knew About Me so its kinda funny how we just wanted to meet in person without. actually thinking about it n planning it all out SKJDKJJKG but then we actually did kinda get somewhere this year where like. it was maybe most likely going to happen. i was gonna come visit her and my mom was gonna come n my gf n i were just gonna . visit for a few weeks. unfortuantely that didnt end up happening because someone moved in with us and now we're nearly broke and just straight up cannot afford it but. we're still working on it

but as i was saying its just wild how in the first year or two that wer were together we were so . desperate n upset that we couldnt see each other much. n it was definitely a lil bit rough. n we just kept saying that each day that passes means we're getting closer to seeing each other and like. here we are, 4 years later, with a very slim chance that it might still happen. i mean we still have the rest of july and like early august to plan something out. its a bit late and its very very expensive rn for me and my mom to travel but if we're lucky things might work out. my sister might move out within the nxet month or so, mom might get a raise, she might be able to afford to travel, stuff like that. its a small percentage but its not 0. and plus even if we dont visit we can still vc and video chat when we want to, and plus no matter what happens im STILL going to go live with her n im STILL for sure 100% going to meet her Eventually. lke its for sure gonna happen n its gonna b very epic :]

sorey this is. a lot !!!!!!1 sorey pepper if this is too long or anytihng ik ur used to reading just small gayposts but like i said earlier i am ni a very rambly mood n i want nothing mor than to just make u happy n put a lil smile on ur face befor u go to bed. u make me rly rly happy n ur just very very important to me. i love u so very much hunny,, seep well ,,,, i lob u :] :]

#my lobely beloby..... my scrimblo bimblo !!!!!! my grimbly snibly!!!!!! #luv u :]

[ruminate88]

A One Sided Relationship

a narcissistic relationship is literally the most one-sided relationship ever…… You’re literally dating yourself but with their face! With my last relationship, I found myself spending literally almost every Friday night alone daydreaming about him thinking about him while he’s at the fraternity house partying his brains out, probably hooking up with every chick but me. Then he would always randomly message me later on the next day and act like everything was great and we were happy and in love and I was his girl and he would spend Saturday night snap chatting me sending me selfies acting like we’re so happy and in love. Meanwhile, every time I would try to confront him or question his behavior he always had crazy excuses to his busy schedule, and treat me like I just didn’t understand his schedule and his stress. 😐

when I look back at that relationship, I remind myself of how much daydreaming and fantasizing I did towards him more than I actually spending time with him. I would obsessively Google all of his social media accounts and look at his Facebook like crazy. I saved a lot of his pictures to my phone and I spent a lot of time just gazing at his photos thinking that he is the cutest boy I’ve ever saw and that I’m so crazy about him but in reality, I don’t even know him. The person he was on his Facebook and his pictures and the person he was talking to me was two different people. The person in his pictures on Facebook, we’re of the successful college man that’s trying to be well to do and really smart and powerful. But the person talking to me was this young little immature horny boy that just wanted to have sex with an OLDER woman and that’s all he talked about, was having sex with me all the time …… Sadly, I told myself the lie that it was love not sex. I disrespected myself by doing so, and I really broke my heart by letting myself believe that I was falling in love with him, and that he could ever love me!! 🥺🥺

I consistently showered him with love and attention he would go sometimes three days before he would ever send me a text and his text was always, “Hey babe 😘” and legit my heart would leap out of my chest with excitement. I would be thrilled to death to hear from him, so happy and shaking, freaking out, and I would try to make myself wait a few minutes before I responded just to make it look like I wasn’t just waiting for him on my phone but obviously I was waiting for him sitting next to my phone crying for days praying and begging for him to text me. I always always responded back to him and gave him the benefit of the doubt and gave him all my love and heart. However, when I would text him, it was a roll of the dice if he would respond to me or not how long it would take for him to respond, and what he would even say to me.

his moods would change throughout the day, some mornings he would be in a great mood, some mornings he would be in a terrible mood, and then later in the day that would change, and he would be opposite of who he was in the morning somethings! I could tell him some things and he seemed like it was great. Sometimes I would tell him things and he would act like I was stupid or other times I would say something and he would get offended or freak out and not like it. I never knew when he was going to be upset at me or not AND I was always walking on eggshells nervous of what I could or couldn’t say to him. The worst part of it all, is I was terrified to not be “good enough” for him and I worked so very hard to be what he wanted. I always always sent him selfies where I was looking “my best” with ALL my make up done up, my hair fixed good and high heels PLUS sometimes I would be in my underwear only just hoping that he would think I was sooo beautiful and love me. 😭😭😭😭😭

How sad and sick is that?

somehow all “the great love” I had given him made me think that it was an OK relationship when honestly, it was a terrible terrible relationship. He had zero care or love for me the whole time even during the love-bomb phase, it was ME that was pouring out love while he was just talking sex. He would send me selfies from his shower naked talking about how bad he wanted me there with him to obviously have sex. It was not because he ever loved me, My feelings or my heart . I wrote him a love song at one point, and I sent it to him from SoundCloud, he never even responded to it, or acted like he listened to it. I should’ve known, then, how little he cared about me, but I was so caught up in his image and caught up in the idea of what our relationship could end up being that I just was so obsessed with him, and just thought that I could never be without him.

I even defended Andrew, when all of my girlfriends came at me hard trying to convince me that he’s a terrible guy and I shouldn’t trust him and that I should break up with him but no, I convinced myself that everything was OK and that he was just truly busy at college and that eventually it will all work out. If I would just be patient and wait next to my phone for him he would eventually change and make time for me because that is what he had promised me over and over and over again……

I found old diary post that I had made back when I was with him and it breaks my heart when I read how many times I was waiting to hear from him, and never knew where he was, what he was doing, or who he was with!! most likely he was with other girls the entire time but somehow I thought he wanted me only, but he would never want me . He told me Christmas day of 2014 that he wasn’t “good enough for me” but the whole time HE NEVER made me feel good enough BUT actually I’m way out of his league AND THAT IS WHY HE probably tried to belittle me SO MUCH and treat me as if I wasn’t enough because deep down he just knew I was high class and he was a loser.

I have been through so many stages with him first I’m sad, then I’m angry, then I’m disappointed, then I’m hurt, then I’m understanding and I’m sorry and regretful, then I want to apologize, but I know I don’t need to apologize. He needs to apologize and he never will because he just can’t unless he makes some kind of major change in his life and I would love that for him and I haven’t given up on hope that maybe one day he could be a better person and it’s sad because I had made up this idea of who I thought he was when I was with him and I love that person still, but I know that person is fake and doesn’t exist and that’s what kills me the most because I literally was wanting to make that person so happy and I wanted to be happy with them and I would still love that but I know it will never ever happen and it’s just crazy. I never met anyone like him before that I was aware of except for Cody who was similar but even Cody was somewhat different.

my advice to anyone else that has been through a narcissistic relationship, don’t give up on yourself don’t give up on love don’t beat yourself up I know you do because I do too, and I don’t care what people say it doesn’t matter if it’s been four years seven years 10 years, if you still think about them, it’s OK and you can still want the best for them and you really don’t know them, is the problem… you’re thinking about the version that you thought they were and that’s what really sucks but there again it’s OK and you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself because I know I am hard on myself because I feel like how stupid was I but in reality, I just really really love people so much that it hurts me and I know a lot of people say that’s not good but I say love is good and you should always love people still and hope the best for them even if you can’t have them in your life because they’re bad for you. You can still have a great love for them and still wish them well and want the best for them.

and I know you miss the narcissist and you want them back. You are tempted to break contact and message them again I think about it all the time what I would do or say to my exes Cody and Andrew, however, I know that it is one-sided, they do not care about me. They will only hurt me and let me down, and I would be hurting myself by running back to them and that would be really really sad for me to do that That would be a punishment to myself to run back to them and so I remain strong and I remain far away from them, but they always always consume my mind 24 seven and that’s just the life that I have right now I believe that can I change one day but I I just function with it cuz what else can you do?

don’t give up, you are not alone, and if you need someone to understand, I am here and I understand that it really really sucks to love a narcissist when they can never love you back even though at one point during the lovebomb phase, you believed that they were really into you and they were making you feel so good about yourself but that was just setting you up for failure because I could only disappoint you and let you down and guess what? That will never ever change …… A narcissist will never ever care about you or treat you right or give you what you deserve, you can ask them 100 times what you want from them and they will say they’re going to give it to you, but they never will. They will never come through for you. They will never ever ever show you the care and concern that you so desire from the person you think is your love partner and match oh, it’s so sad to believe that they are somebody you could maybe have a future with when in reality they are not even thinking about you most of the time there eyes are consistently on other people.

I truly believe my ex narcissist, Andrew, put a love spell on me & that’s why I’ve been so so obsessed because I didn’t like him upon meeting him but it didn’t take long before he was my entire world and I was out of my mind hooked on him. He confused every part of me and still consumes a portion of my mind/life.

#emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #self healing #unpacking #my story #self awareness #healingjourney #narcissism #online relationships #heartbreak #trauma bonding #love bombing #love spells #self love #self care #hope #intermittenreinforcement #inspirational #motivational #narcissistic personality disorder #overcoming narcissistic abuse #knowledge is power

[lost-and-ashamed]

I think the best way to start it why? Why do I feel like this. Like I'm alone in this world when I'm not. I have 3 siblings, 2 of them are married. My parents are loving and caring and have done so much for us. I have a decent job that pays a good wage, and I have a select group of friends that I can laugh and joke with.

So...why?

Most days I can manage to put the smile on, to play my role as the older sibling. Listen to the problems and celebrations of my younger siblings. Giving them my ear when ever one of them needs it or wants it.

I can put the smile on for my parents, laugh and joke with them. Cook for them as my mom tells me of this or that the latest thing she has read. Or listen to my dad get excited about this new auto show he's found. Then sit down to enjoy the meal.

But it doesn't matter what it is, whether we are celebrating a birthday or graduation or the medical scare of the month, my battery run out. I usually have a solid hour maybe two if I'm lucky. Then my smile begins to fade. My demons come out to play and my life choices run through my head.

Now I'm not young, and I'm not that old. For the sake of this blog let's call me in my 30s.

I have made many many choices I wish I hadn't or wish I could change. Turns I wish I had made or not made. I was engaged in college, only to find out two weeks in they had been cheating on me almost from day one. We had been dating for 3 years. My next serious relationship I went into whole heartedly. I loved them with everything I had. Only to be sent pictures and screen shots of them doing the cheating game on me. But I couldn't believe it, I fought for them thinking they were fake or giving the benefit of the doubt. Right up to the point it broke me, I couldn't handle the anxiety anymore among the pile of evidence. They even admitted to it, so strike two. It took me almost a decade to trust someone again. I was not looking for it, didn't care to find it. But they walked in on my life and put an honest smile back onto my face.

We talked and went back and forth across the country building the relationship. Over the course of a year I grew to love them and trust them, so I decided to move across the country to try and make this work. I left a decent paying job, my family and everyone I knew to be with them. I even cut someone I cared for out of my life for this relationship as they did not get along...the major red flag I didn't see. But literally within days of moving things started to change. They talked less, and when they did it was well why dobyou have this friend of this hobby. That's dumb do hang that up. Mind you I had my own place, and I'm very nerdy and love to show it off, but they didn't like my collection of nerdoms and wanted them hidden. My heart would drip or stop beating when I go a message from them, I became more fearful of what they wanted to say then excited to hear from them. One day I left my phone next to the bed on a night they stayed over when I went to take a shower. The next day I was getting messages asking why I deleted everyone of the opposite sex, they had gone though my social media and deleted everyone. Even my family was not spared, anyone of the opposite sex of me was deleted...even my parent. It took everything I had to tell them I couldn't do this anymore. That they needed to cool it or it was not going to work, their response was, and I quote them "Simple answer, I already have someone else I'm talking to." So strike three in this category.

So now, I found myself locked into a year contract on a rental and a job. Hours away from anyone I knew.

I had worked hard before moving to make it to where I had, saved money and had a good life forming. I left it all and spent all the savings to give this a shot and I had fucked myself over. I had trusted someone again, let them in. And I got hurt. Hard.

I was working a mediocre job at best making just enough to survive. I was alone, I had no one close by or close enough friend to talk to and relax with. I spent holidays by myself, I begged my siblings to help me afford to drive home for Christmas. 10 hours one way after getting done work Christmas even to spend 8 hours with them...mostly sleeping...to drive the 10 hours back to work the next day. First birthday I was by myself, I spent what little extra I had for a nice meal.

As my rental came to the year mark I ran myself into the ground knowing the recent rise in rent prices made it so I could no longer afford to live by myself so far away from everyone. I broke yet again in this. I cried and tore myself apart before asking my parents if I could again move home.

Now, my mother says she was waiting and wanting me to. And as much as I know it's not true, I feel like she wanted me to fail out there on my own. Why not? Everyone else I have trusted tried to bring me down and hurt me.

So here I am...writing this blog. Broken and ashamed that I have failed over and over. Feeling very little success in my life to celebrate.