#bring back the bastard fest

[brewed-pangolin]

After playing both the campaign and warzone, I have come to the simple conclusion that there are two very different sides to Mr MacTavish. Something that I am lovingly referring to as...

The Highland Coin Toss

How he reacts and treats you is purely dependent on the relationship and what he's more comfortable with you calling him. And if you are lucky enough to gain access to both sides, flipping his coin turns into an all out 'spin the bottle', color me horny fuck fest. So, without further ado, let us begin....

18+ MDNI under the cut

CW: Just some personal headcanons sprinkled on a giant heap of smut. Sub/Dom Soap. P in V, Fem receiving.

AN: This is the first anything I have written in over 5 years, so apologies if it's absolute shit. Honestly, though, had so much fun with this double-sided Scottsman! Much Love 💛

'Heads' Johnny MacTavish

Walls? Yeah, he's got 'em. More to protect himself from those around him. But patience will prevail. Give it time, and you'll begin to see those barriers slowly crumble down.

Honesty goes a long way with Johnny. He can generally read people like a book (please don't bring up Graves, he's still sore after that traitorous bastard) If he does catch you being untruthful to him or any of the 141 or Voqueros, good luck getting back on his good graces. Book's closed, done.

Beneath that hardened exterior, Johnny is incredibly affectionate. And not just in a romantic aspect. He doesn't see 141 and Voqueros as soldiers or troops, they're his brothers.

Don't try to get in between him and his missions. Johnny is a military man through and through, and nothing is more important to him than the completion of the task at hand.

Loyal to a God damn fault.

Johnny is the fighter of the coin toss. Calculated, thorough and eyes on every detail, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

Once those walls are dust, this man will be nothing but putty in your hands.

Now, on to the fun stuff...

Johnny is 100% a switch! If you want him to be in control, he'll gladly take the reigns. But if you're feeling a bit more frisky and want to be in control, this man will be in absolute heaven (he won't deny it, Johnny loves watching you ride him)

Is absolutely obsessed with your body.

No matter the time, place, or scenario, he's going to have a hand on you (leg, thigh, arm, hand, neck, ass, foot, head...) And those hands like to wander...simple caresses turn into deliberate touches with one goal in mind.

And Johnny knows ALL of your pleasure zones. Will either focus his fingers on them or dance around them entirely just to drive you wild. Once his touch has been satiated, his mouth will go to work.

Kissing Johnny is an experience in sexual nirvana. His hands will cradle your head as his tongue explores and tastes you. Only when you're a breathless mess will he give you reprieve and move on. Every inch of you will be peppered in starving kisses. Loves your neck and inner thighs the most (mainly due to the reaction and moans you elicit in response)

But his main prize is the deliciously warm cavern between your thighs. Is nothing short of methodical when eating you out. Torturously so at times.

Starts with long, languid draws of his tongue along your folds. Quickly followed by precise and deliberate attention on your pulsing clit. Loves to oscillate between these two maneuvers, purely out of satisfaction as you all but lose your mind beneath his salacious mouth.

Johnny knows exactly where that special bundle of nerves is, he knows how much you can take and will push you to your limit. You'll be on the verge of insanity, and all you'll see between your legs is victorious glacial eyes beckoning you to break and come apart on his tongue.

He is so atuned to your body it almost makes you wonder if soul mates are a reality or just a long told fairy tale. This thought always creeps into your mind as he enters you. So slowly, you feel ever inch of him, and once he's fully seated, you swear you can feel his rapid heart beat within your welcoming cunt.

Slow and steady wins this race in his mind. Johnny is fully aware that it is not the pace that gets you off, and is willing to spend all night getting you to the ecstasy you both so desperately desire.

Don't count those determined hands out when he's thrusting balls deep within you. He'll find that pulsing bud and match his determined circling fingers with the pace of his hips.

Speaking of hands, Johnny never keeps them in one place for too long. His fingers will traverse and explore your curves like meandering, sexually driven pilgrim.

King of Priases! "Y'So beautiful hen." "Good bonnie. Feel so fucking good." "C'mon, I know ya can give me another one."

Will talk you through your orgasms.

"Keep your eyes on me, bonnie."

"That's it. Cum for me. Cum for me, hen."

His voice will be soft, slightly above a whipser with just enough strain in it to send you over the edge.

You'll know when Johnny's close. He'll hold you tight, desperately so, to the point you'll feel like he'll suffocate you. His pace will stammer and with one last thrust you'll feel him empty himself within you.

Johnny is in heaven when he cares for you post romp. He'll pepper you in soft kisses while his fingers dance across your still trembling skin. And he's always prepared; damp washcloth within arms reach because he knows you both can get quite messy.

You'll fall asleep first, because that's what he wants. Soft whispers of how beautiful you are, how good you make him feel will echo into your ears. The last thing you'll remember is strong arms wrapping around your waist and the slow beating of his heart as you let sleep take you over completely.

'Tails' Soap MacTavish

Walls? Yeah, no. Try fucking skyscrapers. Only way you're getting to this side of the Scot is by proving you're not a complete waste of time and flesh. Even if he has opened himself up to his more accepting side, don't push your luck trying to figure out what he hides behind closed doors. Soap will read through those lines within seconds and shut it down. And he'll be a locked vault from then on.

Assertive. Especially during and immediately following missions (it takes Soap a day or two to get back to civilian life).

Bit of a control freak, particularly when it comes to his routines. (Yes, he has a very specific hair regimen. So if you value your life, don't touch anything. And no, he's not going to talk about it)

Patience. Patience. Patience. Let Soap open himself up to you. It may take a few months, maybe even years. You may need some help from his brothers in arms to get to this man (Gaz especially, he's such a softie). They're truly the only ones that know Soap for who he really is.

Complete trust is necessary to gain access to Soap, and once that element has been reached, you'll have your own personal body guard at every beck and call.

Soap is the protector of this flip of the coin. Think of a 200lb, military trained pitbull. God forbid anyone looks at you the wrong way.

Smexy time!!

Soap can be a bit aggressive at times, especially if he's been without any release for a long period. But make no mistake, Soap is a pleasure Dom to the absolute max! He'll get off, no doubt about that. You on the other hand, depending his mood you'll have either one mind blowing orgasm or several. (Good luck trying to walk after those nights)

While Johnny has a routine while being intimate with you, Soap is all over the place. He may start by fucking you relentlessly for hours, followed by eating you out and finish with devouring your mouth. Then start all over again in a different rhythm, and will probably throw in some shower sex just for good measure. Soap's unpredictability is what drives you to insanity. You can't keep a handle on him, and in that, your mind goes blank and purely enjoys everything he gives to you.

Ultimate grabby hands. Can get a bit carried away at times. Don't scold him for leaving bruises, consider them ultimate fleshy love notes.

Formidable make-out extraordinaire. While Johnny is affectionate and somewhat desperate, Soap is aggressive and all-consuming. And he won't give you a break from his mouth until he's had his fill. (Cue your grabby hands so you don't fall to the floor)

Hickeys. Hickeys fucking everywhere. Obsessed with leaving them in the most random places. Your calf has become his new favorite, and you strangely enough can't get enough of it.

Three words: Teasing. Fucking. Bastard.

Loves to watch you squirm beneath him, whether it be to his mouth or to his hardened and precise cock. And his hands, God damn his hands! You've started calling him your 'Clitoral Beethoven" since he can make you sing by the sheer power of his fingers alone.

Soap is ravenous with his mouth on you. This fact is proven time and again when he is buried between your thighs. His vigorous workings are only magnified by his vibrating groans that tantalizingly work their way up your spine.

Soap is the epitome of messy when he's eating your pussy. He'll all but swallow you whole, covering his stubble and chin with your juices. Those gorgeous blue eyes disappear between your thighs, replaced by darkened orbs filled with needy hunger. Your breaking point is when he begins to seesaw his head from side to side, the friction of his mouth combined with his determined tongue will having you screaming his name within seconds.

No flat surface is safe with this man. Can and will bend you over at any moment, especially if you're alone. (If not, expect a fair amount of borrowing stares and even a firm grab of your ass if he's feeling extra horny, which is pretty much always)

Speaking of horny, Soap is so needy for your pussy he can't always wait for you. But this man is resourceful, and almost always prepared. You don't know where he keeps it, but somehow he's got lube in his hand and already stroking his cock and you've barely pushed your pants down for him. And there's nothing gradual about how Soap enters you, he's balls deep first thrust. But he does hold and let you get used to him, purely for the feel of your cunt quivering around his cock.

Loves, loves, LOVES doggie style! Not only does it give him the most perfect view of your ass, but let's him have complete control of the pace. And whoa mama you're gonna need to mentally and physically prepare yourself, cause Soap is gonna fuck you senseless!

Have a mattress warehouse on speed dial. Just do it!

Mentioned that Soap is assertive. That's an understatement when he's having his way with you. He's strong, Godlike when he so desperately wants to feel your pulsing cunt around him. So expect a fair amount of man handling and body contortions (cue you turning into a human pretzel fuck toy; yoga may become a necessity before any Soap sexathon)

And that Scottish accent will only thicken as he pounds himself in your molten core.

"Be a good lass and scream fer me. Want e'eryone to know yer MINE."

"Takin me so well, aren't ya?"

"Can't get enough, can ya bonnie? Always so fuckin hungry fer my cock."

"So fuckin wet fer me. Yer a dirty girl, aren't ya?"

You're going to either have a strong hold on him or anything with a firm base, because Soap is going to completely ruin you. The room will be a cacophony of skin slapping, pleading moans and reverberating growls. The sounds will tempt you to poke the bear, but do so at your own risk...

"Harder, Soap. Fuck me harder."

His calloused hand will firmly grib the back of your neck, and the other will give your ass a hardened smack. You'll feel his body weigh down against yours, hips contuing their assault as his mouth ghosts the cusp of your ear.

"Fuckin needy little thing, aren't ya lass?"

Consider the bear, poked.

Soap will undoubtedly fuck you through your orgasms. He may be talking, but it will probably be some overly gratified Scottish that you don't understand. It's the growl of his words that make you go over the edge, blissfully cock drunk as your body convulses around him and your mind goes completely white.

Aftercare with Soap will almost always end in a bath. One to clean the excessive amount of fluids, and two to help soothe your blissfully overused body. As rough as he can be during the act, Soap is incredibly tender and gentle afterwards. Only thing on your mind will be when he came during the deed. His repsonse is always the same...

"Non of that now, bonnie."

Want to give some massive kudos to @yeyinde, @irnbru32, and @mvtthewmurdvck for their inspiration to get me back to writing. Y'alls fics are so unbelievably well done and immersive, I honestly can't get enough! Glad to be back and part of the Soap Squad 🧼 💛

#the highland coin toss #what the fuck did i just do #was slightly drunk when i wrote most of this #wanna flip his coin #soap mactavish #johnny mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #soap mactavish smut #soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish #call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #cod soap #soap squad 🧼

[nena-96]

word excerpt game: feel

Anon! I thought I replied to this! I’m so sorry! I do have the word “feel” in a few of my stories, hmm I’ll give you a few snippets!

Romione, Jily, Tedromeda!

Romione (angsty wedding fic that didn’t make it to trope fest)

“Leave her! Take me! Have me, leave her the fuck alone!” Ron shouted, at the cloaked figures.

“Hermione!” Ron bellowed, as he tried to get up from the chains that held him back. Each time he pulled against the restraints, he could feel the chains dig into his skin. Yet, the pain was nothing compared to seeing his wife get kicked to the ground by two Death Eaters. Those bastards, if only he could escape these bloody chains, he’ll make them wish they were never born.

Jily: “feeling” (Order Jily, for the Thrice Defied for Alight with Happiness fest! I’ll most definitely edit this)

The blood that covered her hands was a reminder of how close she was in losing him. She couldn’t believe it was an ambush, there were at least ten Death Eaters. It was a bloody miracle that they made it out alive-

“Mrs. Potter, your husband is awake,” the Healer that’s taking care of James walks up to her, “But, I have to tell you that-“

Lily didn’t even wait for the Healer to finish speaking, because she was already racing down the hallway. She narrowly misses tumbling into a group of trainees, before making it into the hospital room.

“James!” She shouted in happiness, before rushing over to him and bringing her hands to his face, and feeling the warmth on his skin.

“Uhm, Evans? Are you alright?” James asked confused.

Tedromeda “felt”

Ted was walking through the rain, he didn’t care that the coldness was seeping through his clothes. He didn’t care that a taxi had zoomed close by him and caused a large splash of water to completely drench him, more than he cared.

No, the only thing that mattered was that his heart was completely shattered by the woman who had stolen his heart.

Andromeda Black. The woman he should’ve never fallen in love with. The witch who causes every fiber in his body to come alive. Was going to marry another bloke.

He never felt so broken in his life,

Oof, I didn’t realize all these were angst….oh wait I did it on purpose 😅. What can I say, angst is my fluff.

Thanks for playing the word excerpt game, Anon!

#anon #nena writes #jily #romione #Tedromeda #Ron x Hermione #James x Lily #Andromeda x Ted

[moragmacpherson]

Okay, now that I've watched it again, I have some feelings about Andor. Heavy spoilers ahead.

When it debuted, I have to admit: I was deeply annoyed. We knew exactly two things about Cassian's past. He was from Fest and he had been in this fight since he was six years old. And instantly, in the first episode, that one thing we knew, we discover, is a lie. He's from an even more obscure planet, Kenari, and unless he was a very overgrown five year old, he wasn't in any apparent struggle against the Empire when he was six years old.

After so many random retcons and deus ex machinas and "somehow, Palpatine returned"s, I was genuinely miffed. Cassian Andor was an entirely new canon character. How could he already need a retcon? We don't even know that much about Fest, what was the point?!

After the other D+ series, I honestly didn't have much faith in this one. And I definitely didn't believe they could justify this seemingly gratuitous rug-pull.

I was dead wrong.

Throughout the series, we watch everyone around him misjudge who Cassian Andor is. Skeen thinks Cassian is a true mercenary like himself. In all fairness: so do Luthen, Vel, Cinta, and Kleya. Even more laughably, the Empire convinces itself that Cassian Andor is some kind of Rebel mastermind, maybe not the 'axis' they're looking for, but clearly vital to the operations of the entire Rebellion.

And we, the audience, believed that Cassian Andor is a hardened rebel spy, willing to sacrifice everything for the cause.

We were wrong too. The audience can be wrong, and we were.

Instead, we meet Cassian Andor, a man who loves and cares maybe a little too easily, and does a piss poor job of keeping his guard up to stop himself from loving and caring for more people. He's a man who cannot bring himself to say goodbye or let go of the people he cares for. He holds onto Nemik's manifesto. He would have gone back for Kino. He goes to check on his mother and Bee and Bix every damn time.

Was the audience wrong about him to the point where we were fooled by the title? That we all believed he was that Andor, while in reality it was Maarva the whole time? Is that theme song her funeral march, or the one that will never be played for him?

There's certainly an argument to be made there. Because while Maarva was sparking that rebellion we all believed Cassian had dedicated his life to, he was just using it so that he could rescue Bix from the hotel.

If Cassian wasn't the Andor of the title this season, he will be next season. He's done running. He's taking up the mantle Maarva held up for him, being the force for good she knows he can be. Luthen had him pegged from their first meeting: "You and I both know you're going to wind up dying fighting these bastards."

At their last meeting, Luthen says Cassian is a hard man to kill, and Cassian replies that he's going to make it easy. Seemingly offering Luthen a choice to either kill him or bring him in. But it's not. Either way, he's choosing death. Cassian knows he will die fighting these bastards.

But to keep the people he loves safe, he'll do it.

And at the end, he'll be with someone he loves. She won't be safe in his arms, but he'll hold her all the same. He doesn't know how to let go.

How am I supposed to know all of this and feel anything other than unwell?

#cassian andor #andor #andor spoilers #meta #tony gilroy i cannot even with you #seriously fam i am unwell #long post #star wars #rogue one

[dracoqueen22]

A writing prompt for you:

FFVII, Reno & any number of other Turks, an escaped experiment that's supposed to spew poison but instead spews something else entirely. (Like sex pollen, for example.)

(As NSFW or not as you like!)

This is like... two years late, but at last! I have answered this flash fiction fest from the last one I hosted. Please enjoy! <3

There are many unspoken rules about being a Turk. Truths they’ve acknowledged over the years, that they pass on to new recruits but no one dares write down because the Turks are secretive by nature, and no one wants to admit that they are actually fallible.

Don’t go after an escaped experiment alone is not the number one unspoken rule, but it’s high on the list. Right next to it is: always wear a gas mask. And an addendum to that? Kill first, ask questions later. 

You never can be too careful with what escapes from Hojo’s many, many labs. And if sometimes, the experiment growling back at you has the face of someone you used to work beside, well, you just pretend you didn’t see it. 

Don’t ask Hojo what he’s doing. That’s a very important unspoken rule. Never ask Hojo what he’s doing behind closed doors. Else it might be your face your partner is seeing the next time something escapes, however accidentally. (Rumor has it that Hojo frequently lets things loose just to see how they fare against ShinRa’s elite, the bastard). 

Tseng remembers the rules. He always remembers the rules. So why is he staring at Reno with glazed eyes, no gas mask, and sweat beading on his brow? Why is he launching himself at Reno with attacks harder and faster than Reno can defend or evade? Reno’s never won in a hand to hand spar with Tseng. 

He’s under no illusions that he’s going to win now. Even if Tseng’s acting like a puppet without strings, some kind of powder puffing from his suit in lurid highlighter-yellow wisps. 

“Fuck,” Reno gasps into his gas mask. He doesn’t want to shoot Tseng. Tseng is not the escaped experiment. 

He’s the first responder who somehow didn’t bring his godsdamned gas mask and has now been dosed by whatever freak-of-nature poison Hojo’s newest pet sprayed on him. 

“Come on, boss. Snap out of it!” Reno shouts as he twists to avoid another grab and doesn’t make it. 

Tseng gets a handful of his suit jacket, so Reno wriggles out of it and cuts it down to a loss. He can get another jacket. He’s pretty sure he can’t get another arm. Unless he subjects himself to Hojo’s mercies, and since this whole situation is Hojo’s fault, no thank you. 

His comm crackles. "Reno, do you need assistance?" Elena asks, all new recruit eager and helpful, and ugh, any other time Reno would be happy to let her do the hard work.

"Not right now, rookie. Stay the fuck away and go find whatever caused this mess," Reno snarls as he ducks away from another swipe from Tseng and contemplates his options. Why hadn't he packed stun charges in his baton this time? Why had he gone for lethal only?

Because it's a Hojo experiment, that's why. Kill first, ask questions later. That's the rule. Along with "always wear a gas mask" which Tseng apparently forgot. Which means Reno’s going to have to somehow take Tseng down, and hope Tseng doesn’t decide punishment is in order later. 

Or hope that he chooses punishment, but it’s the kind Reno likes. Mmm. That would be nice. Bent over the knee, a little spanking, some fingers slicked up with lube and – 

Tseng slams into Reno, and he curses – caught by the horny haze, damn it – as they both go down and Tseng winds around him like a python. He’s all long limbs and strong hands and those legs circle around Reno’s waist like a vise. 

Fuck. 

Tseng’s hard. Like hard enough Reno can feel the heat of his dick through his slacks, grinding against Reno’s pelvis as Tseng squeezes and squeezes with those powerful thighs of his, spreading that yellow powder everywhere. 

“Come on, boss!” Reno yelps, twisting his head left and right, but it’s useless, because Tseng grabs hold of his mask, yanks, and tosses. 

Reno drags in a gulp of air without thinking, and something powdery lands on his tongue. It’s bitter and sour, chalky as it goes up his nose and into his mouth. He coughs, eyes watering, as Tseng’s legs tighten and he– uh, yup. That sure is Reno’s boss grinding against him like a harlot. 

“I’m never gonna let you live this down,” Reno wheezes. 

Tseng looks at him with hazy eyes, face flushed, hair wild around his face. Wait, no. He’s looking at Reno, yeah, but specifically, at Reno’s lips. Tseng licks his own and then his mouth crashes down on Reno’s, and wow. Tseng can kiss. His tongue’s an unrelenting force that pushes a moan out of Reno. He turns to liquid want, spine tingling and brain going mush. 

Reno gets a fistful of Tseng’s suit, grinding that yellow dust into his own skin, into the dark of Tseng’s suit. And he thinks he ought to push Tseng away. He ought to try and fight back, but his limbs are noodles, and Tseng’s burning up, and something’s boiling in his own gut, too. Lust pours through his veins, throbs through his dick, and Tseng rolls up against him, and Reno, he knows this dance. 

He rolls down, and they both groan. Tseng’s biting at his mouth and lips, leaving them bruised and hot, his skin glittering from the powder, with a throat that’s made for marking. Reno’s had more than a few choice fantasies of pinning his boss down and seeing if he can dissolve Tseng’s elegant poise. 

Well. 

Tseng’s got no poise now. He’s making hungry noises, his thighs wrapped around Reno like a vise, his hands restless as they pull and tug at clothes like he’s forgotten how buttons work. 

Reno has about five seconds to realize that this isn’t normal, and it’s probably all Hojo’s fucking fault, but then he’s drowning in sensation, and Tseng smells so fucking good. Every bit of restraint he has turns to shreds, and he kisses Tseng back. His comm crackles, but he flicks it off and lets himself enjoy this.

It isn’t how he imagined seducing his boss, but fuck, he’ll take it. Let Rude and Elena handle the escaping monster. 

Reno’s got Tseng well in hand. 

***

#draco writes fanfic #flash fiction fills #reno/tseng #reno of the turks #tseng of the turks #final fantasy 7 fanfic

[hp-fruit-fest]

Spring has ended, and with it HP Fruit Fest...at least for this year! Thank you so much to everyone who joined the delicious festivities by creating, betaing, cheerleading, reading/viewing, liking, reblogging, kudosing, commenting, etc! You all helped this gal's dream come true! I have such love for the HP universe and for fruit and I thought I was alone, until now!

For those who don't know, I'm still new to running fests and this was quite the learning experience, especially for an event I ran by myself. Thank you so much for your patience, kindness, and support! I plan to bring this back for Spring 2024, new and improved, and I hope to see you all then! In the meantime, make sure to check out all the goodies below and leave them what love you can!

Meant to Bean

FIC. Remus/Sirius. Rated: E. Words: 2,415. Fruit: Coffee Cherry. Postwar. Sirius lives. Shameless smut.

Remus finds Sirius hiding and working in the coffee belt in South America. Though siesta time is usually meant for rest, these two find something else to do instead.

Dark Cherry

FIC. Barty/Evan. Rated: T. Words: 6,098. Fruit: cherry. Poetry. Psychopaths in love. Pureblood society. Ambiguous ending.

The Rosier family organizes a ball. A late guest joins in. Between cherry flowers and the cherry fruit, reason and madness, duty and desire, Evan has to make a choice, which will reveal his true intentions and feelings.

The Serpent Deceived Me

FIC. Draco/Hermione. Rated: M. Words: 4,152. Fruit: pomegranate. Biblical references. Original sin. Virginity loss. Dubcon.

Draco, bored with exile from Heaven and curious about the woman his father made from Harry's own rib, slides into the Garden of Eden with one goal in mind: to make Hermione eat the pomegranate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and ruin her for his own enjoyment. Instead, he finds himself losing a lot more than he bargained for.

Something Sweet Something Deadly

FIC. Harry/Tom. Rated: T. Words: 411. Fruit: pomegranate. Implied/referenced character death. Possessive Tom. Tom Riddle's Diary.

Tom Riddle had managed to retrieve the body from the diary. Now, he wanted Harry on his side

Severus Snape and the Much Needed Vacation

FIC. Remus/Sirius. Remus/Severus/Sirius. Rated: E. Words: 3,911. Fruit: Rambutan. Secret relationship. Trans Remus. Gratuitous smut.

Severus grumbled as he marched to the Portkey Office for his next Order assignment: checking up on Sirius Black. Of course, the bastard had to hide on a tropical island, and Professor Lupin was nowhere to be found, so the task fell to him. He knew Albus was having a little laugh back in his cozy office at Severus' expense. Albus had claimed it would be a lovely holiday with an infuriating sparkle in his eye, making Severus want to hex the imbecilic glasses off his face. However, by the end of the weekend, Severus was considering sending the man an extra large batch of lemon sherbets.

Imperfection, My Dear

FIC. Astoria/Draco. Astoria/Draco/Hermione. Rated: E. Words: 3,668. Fruit: cherry. PWP. Dom/sub undertones. Daddy kink.

Astoria Greengrass and Draco Malfoy were happily married along with their gorgeous, blond-haired son, Scorpius Malfoy, but life got too busy and it was decided between the couple that they needed a babysitter. And they needed one desperately. This was where the recently turned nineteen-year-old Hermione Granger came in and was the best candidate for the job role of babysitter. However, Draco and Astoria couldn’t help it when alternate feelings start to rise from seeing the young woman with their son.

The Cherry on Top of the Cake

FIC. Harry/Fred. Rated: G. Words: 209. Fruit: cherry. Postwar. Fred lives.

Harry has to bake a cherry pie. Fred loves cherries

To Be a Cherry

FIC & ART. Hermione/Pansy. Hannah/Neville. Rated: G. Words: 699. Fruit: cherry. Engagement. POV Outsider.

Pansy is seen doing ordinary things, tasting cherries! Neville is a witness. Hannah is right there. But, it's all because of Hermione.

Draco Has No Shame (But he Does Have Apples)

ART. Draco/Harry. Rated: E. Fruit: apple. Digital art. NSFW art.

Draco does a photo shoot for Witch Weekly, in which he shows his appreciation for his favorite fruit.

Wisdom in Temptation

FIC. Draco/Sirius. Rated: E. Words: 2,581. Fruit: apple. Underage. Cousin incest. Drapple. Secret relationship.

Draco snacks on fruit. Sirius snacks on Draco. Sequel to Gray Eyes (Tell No Lies)

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

FIC. Draco/Hermione. Rated: T. Words: 402. Fruit: strawberry. Domestic fluff. Lyra & Scorpius Malfoy.

Hermione Granger had always loved springtime. She loved everything about the season even though she was a late summer baby having been born in the middle of September, she had always preferred the spring and autumn time. They always called out her names. Then she found true love with Draco Malfoy, who had also always loved the springtime. He felt the same about the season even though he was another summer baby. They purposely had their wedding in the Malfoy Manor gardens in the middle of spring. They had prolonged their honeymoon so they could celebrate it within the spring. But, then came the birth of their two spring babies. Scorpius and Lyra Granger-Malfoy. With the cherry blossom blooming on the trees across the gardens of Malfoy Manor. Newborn lambs and little piglets frolicking about in the neighbouring fields. Loads of loaded picnics with all different kinds of food and drink underneath the shining sun with their babbling children. Hermione and Draco Granger-Malfoy would always love the springtime.

How to Grow Bare Root Strawberries

COMIC. Ginny/Luna. Rated: G. Words: 1,249. Fruit: strawberry. Origami. Offscreen dialogue. Postwar. Loss & healing. Happy ending.

After the War, Ginny gently tends to Luna to help her grow back into herself.

Reawakening

FIC. Severus/Sirius. Rated: E. Words: 800. Fruit: strawberry. Postwar. Established relationship.

Sirius debated going into the office, since he figured they were done for the day, when Severus came back with a bowl of strawberries in hand. Severus held a paring knife. "They're from my garden," he said as he sliced a strawberry into small pieces, juices sliding down his fingers and onto his arms, and held a slice out.

The Sweetness of Strawberries

FIC. Draco/Harry. Rated: T. Words: 3,062. Fruit: strawberry. Postwar. Established relationship. Domestic fluff.

Baking is an unexpected hobby that Harry fell into a little over a year ago, nearly a decade after the war ended.

The Reason We Fought For

FIC. Gen. Rated: G. Words: 449. Fruit: watermelon. Friendship/love.

There is only a reason they fight. To be free of laugh, cry, play, run, and be alive.

Buck

FIC. Draco & Goyle. Rated: E. Words: 1,442. Fruit: pumpkin. Object insertion. Anal fisting. Pranks.

Harry and Ginny come up with an insane prank to play on Draco. Except it goes sideways. Well, more up, and then sideways, but only after plenty of stretching. This is crack gone overboard. Pumpkins go up holes and gaping booty gets an impressionist description; read at your own peril.

Clementine

FIC. Harry/Severus. Rated: G. Words: 162. Fruit: orange. Fluff. Kissing.

Harry and Severus share an orange.

Orange Tree

FIC. James/Regulus. Rated: E. Words: 15,653. Fruit: orange. Established relationship. No Voldemort AU. Domestic fluff.

A story about anniversaries, one-sided gift-giving competitiveness, and a genderqueer tree.

Sweet Like a Mango

ART. Draco/Harry. Rated: G. Fruit: mango. Muggle AU. Meet cute. Fluff.

"And it might sound silly but let's go home"

Sweet Nectar

FIC. Harry/Severus. Rated: M. Words: 340. Fruit: mango. Blood kink. Knifeplay. Food play.

Severus laid bare on the white bedsheets. He was on his back, and the cold ceramic plate rested on his stomach. "It has been a good year," said Harry. He had a paring knife in hand as he sliced the mangoes before setting them on the plate.

The Pit

FIC. Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 383. Fruit: mango. Blood kink. Knifeplay. Food play.

The ceramic plate smashed against the hardwood floor. Harry paused his movements — the mango half peeled in his hands. He placed the fruit — all its juices and flesh — onto the soiled bed sheets. “You shouldn’t have done that. What a waste.”

Peaches and Cream

FIC. Remus/Sirius. Rated: E. Words: 2,663. Fruit: peach. Muggle AU. Modern AU. Friends to lovers.

Sirius watches Remus eat a peach.

The Booty and the Peach

FIC. Fred & Harry. Rated: G. Words: 187. Fruit: peach. Female Harry. Goblet of Fire.

Harry just wanted to study charms and eat her peach

Fresh

ART. Draco/Harry. Rated: E. Fruit: lemon. Digital art. NSFW art.

HP Fruit Fest 2023 Entry for "Lemon"

Driving Me Bananas

FIC. Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 1,393. Fruit: banana. Established relationship. PWP. 8th year. Post-coital snack. Spitroasting.

Harry and Severus have some fun with bananas.

The Golden Apple

FIC. Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 3,469. Fruit: apple. Mpreg. Bottom Severus. Fluff & angst. Domestic bliss. Mild smut.

Severus' life is ruined. Can be read as a sequel to Choice but can also be read as a standalone.

Pregnancy Cravings

ART. Draco/Harry. Rated: G. Fruit: apple. Mpreg. Cravings. Pregnant Draco.

Apple: Symbolism: peace, beauty, wisdom, joy, fertility, and youthfulness OR Song: Rotten Apple by Alice In Chains OR Song: Apples by Lily Allen

Eat of the Apple So Young

FIC. Draco/Hermione. Rated: E. Words: 4,294. Fruit: apple. Underage. Dubcon. Professor Malfoy. Student/teacher. No Voldemort AU. Power imbalance. Unhealthy relationship. Grooming.

Hermione wanted to writhe and bounce and grind her hips into his until her vision went white and spots formed in her periphery. She wanted to pant and gasp and moan as she combusted, shattering into a million little pieces of bliss while he kept her upright, supporting her always. She wanted to pulse and clench around him, walls fluttering frantically until he painted them white, mixing his fluids with hers and joining her explosive, carnal state of pleasure. She watched it all play out in her mind’s eye, all too tempting and enticing. Professor Malfoy wanted her to sit still. Hermione was enamored by him. She would do anything for him. And right now, he wanted her to warm his cock while he graded essays. She could do that.

Drips

FIC. Harry/Hermione. Rated: G. Words: 1,416. Fruit: kiwi. Panic attack. Comfort

Ron's left, and Harry buckles under the pressure. Hermione walks him back from the edge.

Strong and Fast Lovers

ART. Ginny/Pansy. Rated: M. Fruit: kiwi. Partial nudity. One night stand. Enemies to lovers.

It only takes takes a single day for Pansy and Ginny to give each other something better.

Taking Pear of Each Other

FIC. Draco & Harry. Draco/Hermione. Rated: G. Words: 1,245. Fruit: pear. Bars & pubs. Fluff.

Draco Malfoy has a boot full of pears and Harry Potter has a pub full of people who like eating them.

A Small Step for a Boy

FIC. Harry & Severus. Rated: G. Words: 2,677. Fruit: pomelo. Domestic Fluff. Sprinkle of Angst. Kidfic. Mentions of past child abuse. Eating disorder. Hopeful ending.

After having been rescued from the Dursleys, Harry continues to struggle with eating; and Severus struggles with watching Harry struggle - until a pomelo comes along.

Bluberry Crush

FIC. Draco/Harry. Rated: T. Words: 964. Fruit: blueberry. Getting together. Fluff & humor. Vet Harry. Healer Draco.

Draco wasn’t sure if it was palpitations or a crush. Best to find out.

Feels Like Spring

FIC. Charlie/Oliver. Harry/Oliver. Charlie/Harry/Oliver. Rated: T. Words: 5,033. Fruit: watermelon, pomegranate, (& kinda blueberry.) Fluff & angst. POV Oliver. Minor Marcus/Oliver. Breaking up & making up.

Charlie Weasley felt like summer and smelled like watermelon. Harry Potter felt like winter and smelled like pomegranate. Together, they felt like spring and smelled like home.

Bramble

FIC. Draco/Harry. Rated: T. Words: 749. Fruit: blackberry. Werewolf Draco. Established relationship.

Long fingers pluck a blackberry from the bramble bush, and place it onto a pink tongue. Rolling it around his mouth, savouring the sweet-sour taste, before biting it with white, sharp teeth, and it goes pop in his mouth. 

Worth a Fig

FIC. Draco/Harry. Rated: T. Words: 16,873. Fruit: fig. Unspeakable Draco. Lost souls. First love.

Draco struggles with infertility and hopes to find the answer in a magical fig tree. His journey takes him to Aydin Turkey, where he meets another lost soul named Harry.

Vinification & Draco Malfoy

FIC. Draco/Harry. Rated: M. Words: 26,816 (WIP.) Fruit: grape. Vineyard. France. Postwar.

The thick, wooden door, held together with ancient iron straps, swung open with surprisingly little noise on well-maintained hinges despite its age and size. The absolute last person Draco could have ever expected stared at him in a subdued, frozen kind of horror once it was open. “No,” Harry Potter said evenly and calmly, as if Draco had asked him if he was supposed to be alive. “How?” Draco choked on the question so it left his mouth as little more than breath. “No!” Potter shouted as his hands flailed back and forth in desperate negation before diving into the bedlam of black hair, like they sought shelter from the moment. “‘Arry?” a feminine and heavily French voice called out. “Is it ‘im?” “Yes!” the presumed dead man in question shouted too loudly, as if he could no longer control his own volume. “But no, he won’t- we couldn’t- I-” A woman maybe just a bit past her middle age came up behind him as he stammered. Draco continued to stare. He couldn’t even sneer; he was shocked to his core. His chest held onto his surprise like a barely contained explosion. Harry Potter wasn’t dead. It felt like it should change everything, yet they remained staring at each other as if nothing ever would.

Plum Brandy

FIC. Hermione/Severus. Rated: M. Words: 2,030. Fruit: plum. Postwar. Meet cute. Pre-relationship. Pining. Fluff. Seduction by fruit.

Professor Hermione Granger stumbles upon a secret grove of fruit trees on the grounds of Hogwarts and ends up learning more about her former professor (and current colleague) than she ever thought possible.

Sunkissed

FIC. Harry/Severus. Rated: E. Words: 1,939. Fruit: plum. Series: Love, Your Enemy. Background Hinny. Cheating. Secret relationship. Language of Flowers. Fluff & angst.

There is no room for beauty here. Still, Severus covets.

Meet Cute at the Farmer's Market

FIC. Neville/Pansy. Rated: G. Words: 489. Farmer's market. Summertime. Romance. Postwar. Friends to lovers.

Pansy Parkinson strolled throughout the local farmer's market, a wicker basket on her arm and a cute flowy summer dress around her body with her naked, newly tanned legs out on the show. The concept of the farmer's market was something that the whole of the Wizarding World in the United Kingdom had stolen from the Muggle World and everyone quickly fell in love with the idea. The farmer's market currently resided down the high street of Diagon Alley and was the perfect time for all of the families that were shopping for the new year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. However, what Pansy hadn't expected was to find a tall and rugby-built Neville Longbottom running a stall and being the exact image of what Pansy's ideal partner was.

Interrupted Dates

FIC. Harry/Terence. Rated: T. Words: 6,530. Farmer's market. Dating. Fluff. 5+1.

5 times Terence and Harry were interrupted in the middle of a date and 1 time they weren’t.

#hp fruit fest 2023 #hp fests #fest roundup #fest compilation #fest fics #fest art #fanfiction #fanart #fancomic

[aincretop]

[Verse 1: Zack Hemsey]

Let ‘em touch me Let ‘em seek to try and rush me Let me crack the hourglass To end this waiting so they can crush megl My living it tempts the bent of path Whose wrath would see me burned But my strokes of luck have struck a cord With swords of those who’ve learned And I’ve turned to face the beastI’ll be silenced to say the least But I’ll cease to fear the fear that wrecks this puzzle that I’ve pieced As I embattle this counter siegeMy liege self will stealthy die‘ Cause with so many guns and only oneThere’s no one to fortify So know that I decry with certainty Flirting with my insurgency While cursing this incursion that’s curing despite the hurting See I’m dangerous And it’s worth the curse‘ Cause if I don’t it’s worseSo motherfuckers better bring the hearseAnd understand My nimble mind ain’t got time to deal with lies alive inside a fucking prison‘ Cause I’m ridden With notions that oceans of life await me So I’ll take my chances dancing with the death to breathe in safety

[Chorus: Zack Hemsey]

‘Cause the amaranth sees in amaranthine dreams And the predator sees what sort of predator screams And it’s the same old plot Denying they took the first shot Must have been that crazy man deserving what he got‘ Cause the amaranth sees in amaranthine dreams And the predator sees what sort of predator screamsAnd it’s the same old plot Denying they took the first shot Must have been that crazy man deserving what he got

[Verse 2: Chad McCarthy & Zack Hemsey] Leaning on door planks with spinning, smoking techsI’m grinning Focused let’s begin this locus fest Lord of the fliesOrders to dieSlaughter your lies Bordered up prideSo despite the vast blood loss The pain will just ride And in vain I must cry To judge freedom I fight forthTo test the right courseAnd plug up life’s forceWith clots of mic cordsSo electrifying Phenetix speaks easyAnd the freedom of speech flows freely From each individual, see me Crunch time decision maker Spin a web but weave a tale to buy your time So you can make or break or run for it Fuck this shit Stand my ground and make a gun for itSo when I turn to bustYou must realize that you want none of thisIn the depths of my being I free demons To search for the reason of malfeasance That be bleeding my breathing Blood of the lamb taintedInfected and holding hatredWith single celled paceI erase my former trace A former case Our contact tract will crack backsAnd backed I hold fast But tracked I won’t lastSee seemingly streaming’s the proper means of my seething And I’m concealing conceiving while I’m conceiving deceiving The reaper speaks so fucking furious Marksmen can snipe for miles And the sparks can wipe the smiles Them too smart to light the trialsYour heart’s piped inside of vials Behind mills between the silo Cry slow for your survival Hence the truth will never die though

[Chorus: Zack Hemsey]‘

Cause the amaranth sees in amaranthine dreamsAnd the predator sees what sort of predator screams And it’s the same old plot Denying they took the first shotMust have been that crazy man deserving what he got‘ Cause the amaranth sees in amaranthine dreamsAnd the predator sees what sort of predator screamsAnd it’s the same old plot Denying they took the first shot Must have been that crazy man deserving what he got

[Verse 3: Zack Hemsey & Chad McCarthy]

Auuuhhh....Let ‘em try and take me Let ‘em seek to taunt and taint me Let ‘em try to talk me downAnd shake my spirit so they can break me Two lines for every side of the story *grunting* The sly and the sorry The violence is gory Elude the lies that are luringI don’t walk in secret *grunting* And I don’t stalk in seasons With iniquitous rhythms (come on) my system is seizing this treason Believe in the problem solver A revolver to clap at you bastards (come on)

Actual actions Find the demons marching Matching your passions Demons are feeding *grunting* And breeding My inner self explodes With weapons of mass destruction And tension to sunder its suction Corruption consumption Conducting, constructing eruption of these dungeonsI bludgeon all ‘till they fallSee my grave is raisedMy contempt’s been gaugedNow this motherfucking rage has found a helpful sage And these blades are coldInflicting cuts untold And this day is of a shade that’s of a fadeless moldI spin around and pound the gavelI spin around and smooth the gravel To prepare a bed for the bastards that flew the sparrowModern day arrows pierce fort walls that do surround me Drops of sap from the seeds I’ve sewn flood the ground around meSurreal but yet astounding Truth speaker turned to martyr Prepare the fledgelings to flock from the nest to teach the rest Without the vest they are the starter Of Desert Eagles hunting Spray stray shots to aid the chaos so they don’t come in

[Outro]

*scream* *gunshots and war sounds*

do you wanna see my Bunny

#ain said something #lyric asks

[siriuslychessi]

Blackinnon Fest Day 01

“If one day I decided to leave, would you run away with me?”

For @blackinnonfest I'll be compiling them here: AO3 | FF

Christmas Break was something Marlene loved, she got to spend time with her family in Scotland, the siblings that graduated, and the new niblings that came during her time at Hogwarts.

It was a warm and festive time that she got to enjoy in the middle of a stressful year. 

Of course every family had her ups and downs, but going home had an invigorating effect on her. Maybe because she adored to be the favourite aunt, or maybe because she was still pretty much a daddy’s girl, even nearing her 16th birthday, but she found it special and it replenished the battery for her to go back and face the fuckery that was Hogwarts pureblood population.

She had spent her day with her friends, unpacking, catching up, promising herself that she wouldn’t be one of those people that would change as soon as she had a boyfriend. 

Were they even in a relationship?

She assumed they were, but they never said anything clear in that regard, and she had pushed Sirius enough to date, she didn’t want to push more than that. 

At least not yet.

It didn’t dawn on her, until she entered the Common Room, that Winter Break wasn’t as thrilling for everyone else as it was to her. 

While she was bubbly and eager to talk about Lily’s new neighbour, and Mary’s fling, Sirius was sitting alone, near the fireplace, just staring at the fire, like all his energy had been taken in a swift of a wand. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t look for him earlier, he had been with James and the boys. She had seen him laugh, they shared a few moments with all the friend group, together. But now, in the almost empty Common Room, Sirius looked depleted, even sad.

Something that didn’t agree with Marlene at that moment. 

She excused herself from the girls, so that they could catch up when she went out to bed, which both Lily and Mary knew would be rather late, or not happen at all. However, they understood as Marlene went to sit next to Sirius. 

“Hullo love, something on your mind?” she said, making herself fit in the space between Sirius and his arm.

Sirius, who was mostly energetic, barely moved as she adjusted. He was still reliving some of the things that happened at home, wondering how it got to that. Even if he hated the bastards now it didn’t used to be like that, he remembered once liking being at Grimmauld, but now… the constant struggle just to have a normal conversation, the repetitive standards he had to fulfil even when he didn’t want or care for them, chipped away at his tough exterior and the child inside that just wanted his parents to see him for who he was and not what they wanted him to be.

He tried to play it down, to make it seem like he didn’t care, that he was just a Gryffindor, brave through and through, but some nights, like that one, it was simply too much for a 16th year old to carry with the burden of the world. 

They stayed like that for a few moments, it was odd that they weren’t bickering or snogging, just sitting there, watching the fire burn. Not a word to be said, just the crackling of the wood and the distant buzz of the few people still in the Common Room getting ready to go to their dorms.

“If one day I decided to leave, would you run away with me?”

It startled Marlene when he spoke, it was softer than anything that he ever said to her, but it spoke louder than many of the things that he said.

She looked at his hollowed eyes, usually there was a spark of mischief behind them, but not at the moment. All she could see was rage and hopelessness. It broke her.

“That depends, do we bring you emotional support boyfriend with us? I feel you wouldn’t last a day without James.” it was an attempt at teasing, maybe to bring him back from the darkness, maybe to just distract him from the intrusive thoughts. 

A small smile appeared on Sirius' left side, it was tiny but it was progress. 

He had to give it to her, she had a great way to bring him back to himself, to remind him that there were people that see something more in him than an heir and a way to carry on with the family's delusional ideas. 

“He is the one dependent on me, the poor bloke already ditched his girlfriend. I think he’s gonna propose soon, do you think I should do my nails for the occasion?” 

“Oi! No one is going to propose to my boyfriend, that’s weird!” she laughed, not realising what she said, just happy that he wasn’t brooding anymore.

“Boyfriend?” He asked after a few moments, not sure if he heard her right, they never discussed it, they never talked much, they mostly snogged, but he guessed that after almost 3 months of that they needed to be more than just a fling.

“I… oh… we don’t have to… I mean I thought we were there but if…” she stumbled, she didn’t want to pressure him into this, they were supposed to be having fun, just teenagers, even if she wanted more she would rather be slow than nothing.

She was about to defend herself some more, to explain that they didn’t have to, that things could be the same way as they had before. But her lips failed her on the account that Sirius’ lips were on top of hers at the moment.

They weren’t forceful, they weren’t trying to take more than they were given, but they were firm and she found herself relaxing a bit.

“I’ll go break up with James in a bit, I’ve got a girl now, can’t make her jealous.” he smirked at her, making McKinnon roll her eyes.

“Like I would be jealous of him, I’ve got a better sense of style. Quidditch jerseys can only do so much.” she joked, and Sirius laughed, that wonderful loud and contagious laugh. 

#blackinnon #blackinnofest2023 #sirius black & marlene mckinnon #sirius black #marlene mckinnon

[givereadersahug]

HoS - Back to Basics (Comment Bingo)

Yay! I was able to complete another card for @houseofsnarry comment bingo! Woooo! Below the cut are the works used for the event. Check them out!<3 Original Dreamwidth Post

Title: Spicy Polaroids Creator: Soltituss Prompt: Artwork Fanwork Type: Fanart Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape Rating: Explicit Summary:

Private collection of photographs. Severus really likes to take them during their spicy time.

Title: Muggle London Creator: FairyCucumber Prompt: WIP Fanwork Type: Fanart Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape Rating: Explicit Summary:

A bunch of Harry Potter fanarts that I'm drawing inspired by my Muggle AU in which I placed Infraction. Just decided to keep them together in one place (including some spicy pieces) (ง ื▿ ื)ว

Title: [Podfic] The Godfather and the Greasy Git Creator: sisi_rambles Prompt: First Comment Fanwork Type: Podfic Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry Potter & Severus Snape, Sirius Black/Severus Snape Length: 00:01:08 Rating: Teen Summary:

There are some things Harry doesn't need to know. At all.

Title: A Tangled Web Creator: Writcraft Prompt: Favorite Author/Artist Fanwork Type: Fanfiction Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Word Count: 6,080 Rating: Explicit Summary:

Infatuation turns to obsession; he knows it’s unhealthy, but he can’t stop. Written for the Bring Back the Bastard Severus-centric fest on Livejournal.

Title: Also sprach Zarathustra Creator: eldritcher Prompt: A work with less than 100 kudos on AO3 Fanwork Type: Fanfiction Fandom: Barbie (Movie 2023) Pairing: Ken Carson/Barbie Roberts Word Count: 1,398 Rating: General Summary:

Going deep to find the inner Ken.

Title: Unique Armature Creator: bananagege (artist) brightened (author) Prompt: Favorite Trope chosen trope ~ magical tattoos Fanwork Type: Fanart + Fanfiction Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Sirius Black/Severus Snape Word Count: 5,417 Rating: Explicit Summary:

When the Marauders use Levicorpus to flip Snape, they find him covered in tattoos. Sirius becomes obsessed. (Fic with art)

Title:A Matter of (House) Pride Creator: bleedcolor & Likelightinglass Prompt: Re-read Fanwork Type: Fanfiction Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape Word Count: 3,044 Rating: Explicit Summary:

LikeLightInGlass: Question, do Severus and Harry award house points when the other one does something good in bed? bleedcolor: Oh My God. YES. THEY SURE AS HELL DO.

Title: Slip Free of My Grasp Creator: lumosed_quill Prompt: New Author Fanwork Type: Fanfiction Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Sirius Black/Harry Potter Word Count: 3,461 Rating: Explicit Summary:

I don't want to be bad for him. I want to do bad things and still be, somehow, inexplicably, good.

Title: A Sea Symphony Creator: Anonymous (still posting period for fest) Prompt: A work inspired by a May fest/prompt challenge Fanwork Type: Fanart Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape Rating: Teen Summary:

Digital Art! Mermaid / Mermen lovers Severus and Harry.

#house of snarry #comment bingo #fanfic recs #harry potter fanfic rec #hp slash fanfic rec #harry potter #barbie 2023 #barbie fanfic rec #snarry fanfic rec #hoscommentbingo #fandom #fanart #podfic

[maguro13-2]

Power : Guys! Guys! Those bastards did it!

Denji : What the hell are you on, power? What is it?

Power : A hentai artist group known as Lolita Channel has been mimicking every anime's styles for pornographic creativity.

Denji : And...?

Power : With that happened, a group of monsters made out of canvas, paint or goop from Drawcia's research is beginning on a killing spree! Or probably a raping fest! What the hell was Japan thinking about mimicking the style of Japanimation!? Why would a hentai group named Lolita Chanel wanted to mimic our styles of every anime for making dirty things us and girls like you all the time!?

Denji : I don't know, if has something do with mimicking and manipulation. But what kind of counterparts of Lolita Channel have something to do with this hentai stuff. Yeah, it's mimicking stuff like that.

Power : No, simpleton! Do you know how a group of Hentai Artists wanted to manipulate our style and turn into an art of girls involed of being raped in gang raping orgy?

Makima : It means that you guys are the rapists while we are the victims of us being lewded and raped. What could possibly and horribly go wrong after mimicking one's style to our shows?

Aki : Help! Canvas Children! The Canvas Monsters comeback and I warned you all about mimicking one's style!

Denji : (Gasped in shock) It's that banned research from Drawcia Family corp!

Power : How did you know, smarty pants?

Denji : It was a thief named Loony Jack that wanted to destroy the world.

Kobeni : Help! We're being attacked by monsters made out of canvas, paint, or goop nd I'm not a rape victims to men or the monsters! And I also to believe that I am currently flame broiling in my pants!

Denji : Aw, crap.

(a group of canvas monsters terrorizing the city)

Power : See!? I told you! This is why we gotta lay off the porn stuff from everything that we did! This what happens when you mimic of anime's style and bringing it chaos to all of it! We are so pissed off everything in Japan for doing crap to us for everything we did.

Denji : Yep.

Makima : Well, I get it that I take it back. We are so not cool at Japan mimicking anime art style into one's style with this crazy chaos of ours.

Denji : We see your point. And I'm sorry for what I ever done to you.

Makima : Well, I'm really sorry.

Mario : Oh no. This is going to be one of them days isn't it?

Denji : I think that it's about time that we need to stay away from that hentai crap from all of a sudden.

Power : Good to agree. And yes, we may step away from it!

Kobeni : (chased by Petey Pirahna WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Makima : What's it becoming of this country anyway?

Aki : You don't get it. It's Japan and it's crazy little world of Japanese pornography. So I guess this counts that hentai in Japan is much better than real porn in the real world for that. Just because japanimation or manga like us some or some not don't have a penis.

Power : If I was broken rape victim, then you can consider it on making that effort of being a tripod that is about two legs and a penis.

Denji : Totally and definitely not a Bipod.

Makima : Well, certainly right about it. I guess that joke was alright about the tripod. it's really a joke about two legs and a penis.

Kobeni : STAY BACK, YOU MESSY PAINT MONSTER! DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS! (Uses Rocket Launcher and fires at Petey, but he avoids it)

Petey Piranha B : Ha! You missed!

(BOOM!)

Petey Pirahna B : AAH! MY D*CK!

#super mario bros #super mario sunshine #chainsaw man #ninendo #shounen jump #studio mappa #crossover #dark comedy #comedy #funny #humor #dark humor

[starfall-spirit]

A Court of Twisted Wisdom

Summary: See ACOTW Masterlist

Chapter VI: Storytime

Ayla I woke to rays of sunshine dancing through my curtains and soft whistling at my bedside. I tried to roll and winced. "Ayla?"

"Hmm?" I groaned, peeling my eyes open to see my cousin's face hovering over mine. "Honestly, you oaf, can't you learn what a personal bubble is?"

He chuckled, but didn't move away. Instead he trapped me in a firm hug. "You scared us, Ayla. You and Rox." He jerked his chin towards the second bed that had been moved into the room. "When they carried you in, barely conscious... I saw your wings. I could smell those males on you two. Ayla, never before have I wanted blood as much as I did at that moment."

My wings. They were folded as they usually were when I slept. I couldn't bring myself to spread them a second time. To try to. I sobbed, my cousin's awkward rocking doing nothing to help me. The wings were the spark of the waterworks. Then everything else piled on and I was inconsolable. "They threw her off of the mountain. We were a hundred feet from the top. We were going to make it together. They killed her without a thought. Just to hurt us before—before hurting us. It was sick. So sick I just—" I sobbed, gripping his shirt and burying my face there.

"Lyra," he murmured. She was a friend to him as well, though some part of me assumed each of them wanted a little more. "I'm so sorry, Ayla."

"I made it to the top and it still means nothing. Lyra didn't make it, my wings are worthless, and I humiliated myself coming back to the camp like that. So much for Carynthian."

"The fact you made it says something, Ay. Wings or no wings you deserve the title you earned. You deserve the title and the ink and everything else."

"I don't want a pity party. I want to be worth something. I want to be more than a bastard's daughter. I want to make a difference." He hummed. "What?"

"I was just thinking, have you actually tried stretching your wings yet? You know, just to feel the difference."

As soft as his words were, their finality stung. I'd hardly put much effort in on the mountain. Seeing the difference at home now...I'm too scared to. I suppose as an immortal I had to at some point. I grimaced, shutting my eyes as I braced myself for the inevitable. But I felt no resistance. Nothing more than a slight ache as they stretched and stretched. They stretched some more. I let out a laugh of disbelief, carefully snapping them in and out.

"Thesan popped in. When your worry-wart of a father came barreling in with you half-dead in his arms, Thesan decided you were worth helping."

I scowled at the mischief dancing in his eyes, punching his shoulder. "You had to let me have a whole sob fest over not flying before telling me I was fine?"

He smiled. "You might be a little slower and need to rest more frequently than others but otherwise you've got no more trouble than a pair of nasty scars." His smile wavered. "You fought like hell, didn't you?"

"I had to get to Rox. I didn't care if holding still hurt less. I didn't care if I'd have no chance at flying. She should." I sighed. "Those males... It was organized. They were extracted and dropped in near the top. Devlon ordered one of them to kill us. A quick strike before we reached the top. He gathered a few allies who decided the best message to send their general and High Lord was to clip their daughters' wings."

His eyes went wide. "Devlon?" I nodded. "Shit."

He bolted for the bedroom door, flinging it open and calling for our parents. "What is it? Are the girls alright?" my father asked.

"It wasn't a few people trying to take a jab at you. One of them had orders and picked up three friends to help him out."

"Orders?" My parents' eyes settled on me and they crossed the room quickly. "What's this Nyx is talking about?" my mother asked.

"Devlon told a warrior to take us out. Somewhere no evidence could be traced. The Blood Rite was the perfect opportunity. There are no special exceptions for royals in the Rite. If I were to be killed it could look like any of the other deaths this year. Luckily they got distracted from their original assignment."

"I've been waiting for an excuse to kill that slimy bastard."

I raised a brow at my father's enthusiasm and dramatic exit. My uncle shook his head. "Devlon's always had an issue with females training. That's why I've always preferred to keep training at home. Better atmosphere."

I let out a long breath. "What is it?" my mother asked.

"I met Lyra first during the Rite. She was with us, trying to take the first step and they killed her for it."

So I told my story once again.

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#a court of twisted wisdom #acotar #tog #throne of glass #crossover #crescent city #next gen #rowaelin child #quinlar child #nessian child mc

[bringbackthebastard]

Bring Back the Bastard Daily Prompts

Hello, folks! I'm posting these two weeks before we begin our fest, on September 1st, to give folks some inspiration on what to write each day as we celebrate Severus Snape's pettiest, most dastardly moments. I specifically picked out moments Snaters always harp on, that Snapedom personally enjoys--from any moment with Trevor to bitching at Lupin at Sirius, to the moments that Lily turns away and Dumbledore's face flashes with disgust--sure, he's a bastard, but he's our bastard, and that's what we like about him. You don't want him? Good. We'll keep him. Here are 30 scene prompts for 30 days--it's a long list, pulled chronologically from all seven books, but I found that it reminded me of everything I love about this character. The moments where he's called deranged, the moments where he slips into all-caps, the ugliest moments of the soul. Hope yall enjoy. Excited to kick off the fest starting September 1st, and absolutely excited to see what Snapedom will do. Let's Bring Back the Bastard! The prompts are below the readmore.

Day 1: The Scar Professor Quirrell, in his absurd turban, was talking to a teacheer with greasy black hair, a hooked nose, and sallow skin. It happened very suddenly. The hook-nosed teacher looked past Quirrell's turban straight into Harry's eyes--and a sharp, hot pain shot across the scar on Harry's forehead. "Ouch!" Harry clapped a hand to his head. "What is it?" asked Percy. "N-nothing." The pain had gone as quickly as it had come. Harder to shake off was the feeling Harry had gotten from the teacher's look--a felling that he didn't like Harry at all. "Who's that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?" he asked Percy. "Oh, you know Quirrell already, do you? No wonder he's looking so nervous, that's Professor Snape. He teaches Potions, but he doesn't want to--everyone knows he's after Quirrell's job. Knows an awful lot about the Dark Arts, Snape."

Day 2: Bad Impressions Snape, like Flitwick, started the class by taking the roll call, and like Flitwick, he paused at Harry's name. "Ah, yes," he said softly. "Harry Potter. Our new--celebrity."

Day 3: Potions Class "Potter!" said Snape suddenly "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" Powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of what? Harry glanced at Ron, who looked as stumped as he was; Hermione's hand shot into the air. "I don't know, sir," said Harry. Snape's lips curled into a sneer. "Tut, tut--fame clearly isn't everything."

Day 4: A Horrible Sight Snape and Filch were inside, alone. Snape was holding his robes above his knees. One of his legs was bloody and mangled. Filch was handing Snape bandages. "Blasted thing," Snape was saying. "How are you supposed to keep your eyes on all three heads at once?" Harry tried to shut the door quietly, but-- "POTTER!" Snape's face was twisted with fury as he dropped his robes quickly to hide his leg. Harry gulped. "I just wondered if I could have my book back." "GET OUT! OUT!"

Day 5: Maybe He's Ill "Hang on..." Harry muttered to Ron. "There's an empty chair at the staff table...Where's Snape?" Professor Severus Snape was Harry's least favorite teacher. Harry also happened to be Snape's least favorite student. Cruel, sarcastic, and disliked by everybody except the students from his own House (Slytherin), Snape taught Potions. "Maybe he's ill!" said Ron hopefully. "Maybe he's left," said Harry, "because he missed out on the Defense Against the Dark Arts job again!" "Or he might have been sacked!" said Ron enthusiastically. "I mean, everyone hates him--" "Or maybe," said a very cold voice right behind them, "he's waiting to hear why you two didn't arrive on the school train."

Day 6: Slytherin Takes the Field "But I booked the field!" said Wood, positively spitting with rage. "But I booked it!" "Ah," said Flint. "But I've got a specially signed note here from Professor Snape. 'I, Professor S. Snape, give the Slytherin team permission to practice today on the Quidditch field owing to the need to train their new Seeker.'"

Day 7: No Quidditch For You! "I suggest, Headmaster, that Potter is not being entirely truthful," he said. "It might be a good idea if he were deprived of certain privileges until he is ready to tell us the whole story. I personally feel he should be taken off the Gryffindor Quidditch team until he is ready to be honest." "Really, Severus," said Professor McGonagall sharply, "I see no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch. This cat wasn't hit over the head with a broomstick. There is no evidence at all that Potter has done anything wrong." Dumbledore was giving Harry a searching look. His twinkling light-blue gaze made Harry feel as though he were being X-rayed. "Innocent until proven guilty, Severus," he said firmly. Snape looked furious.

Day 8: Expelliarmus! "Let me introduce my assistant, Professor Snape," said Lockhart, flashing a wide smile. "He tells me he knows a tiny little bit about dueling himself and has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration before we begin. Now, I don't want any of you youngsters to worry--you'll still have your Potions master when I'm through with him, never fear!" "Wouldn't it be good if they finished each other off?" Ron muttered in Harry's ear. Snape's upper lip was curling. Harry wondered why Lockhart was still smiling; if Snape had been looking at *him* like that he'd have been running as fast as he could in the opposite direction. Lockhart and Snape turned to face each other and bowed; at least, Lockhart did, with much twirling of his hands, whereas Snape jerked his head irritably. Then they raised their wands like swords in front of them. "As you see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position," Lockhart told the silent crowd. "On the count of three, we will cast our fist spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course." "I wouldn't bet on that," Harry murmured, watching Snape baring his teeth. "One--two--three--" Both of them swung their wands above their heads and pointed them at their opponent; Snape cried: "Expelliarmus!" There was a dazzling flash of scarlet light and Lockhart was blasted off his feet. He flew backward off the stage, smashed into the wall, and slid down it to sprawl on the floor.

Day 9: Only Bite Him A Little Bit, Please "Don't move, Potter," said Snape lazily, clearly enjoying the sight of Harry standing motionless, eye to eye with the angry snake. "I'll get rid of it..."

Day 10: Poisoning Trevor The end of the lesson in sight, Snape strode over to Neville, who was cowering by his cauldron. "Everyone gather 'round," said Snape, his black eyes glittering, "and watch what happens to Longbottom's toad. If he has managed to produce a Shrinking Solution, it will shrink to a tadpole. If, as I don't doubt, he has done it wrong, his toad is likely to be poisoned." The Gryffindors watched fearfully. The Slytherins looked excited. Snape picked up Trevor the toad in his left hand and dipped a small spoon into Neville's potion, which was now green. He trickled a few drops down Trevor's throat. There was a moment of hushed silence, in which Trevor gulped; then there was a small op, and Trevor the tadpole was wriggling in Snape's palm. The Gryffindors burst into applause. Snape, looking sour, pulled a small bottle from the pocket of his robe, poured a few drops on top of Trevor, and he reappeared suddenly, fully grown. "Five points from Gryffindor," said Snape, which wiped smiles from every face. "I told you not to help him, Miss Granger. Class dismissed."

Day 11: Insufferable Know-It-All Everyone sat in motionless silence; everyone except Hermione, whose hand, as it so often did, had shot straight into the air. "Anyone?" Snape said, ignoring Hermione. His twisted smile was back. "Are you telling me that Professor Lupin hasn't even taught you the basic distinction between--" "We told you," said Parvati suddenly, "we haven't got as far as werewolves yet, we're still on--" "Silence!" snarled Snape. "Well, well, well, I never thought I'd meet a third-year class who wouldn't even recognize a werewolf when they saw one. I shall make a point of informing Professor Dumbledore how very behind you all are..." "Please, sir," said Hermione, whose hand was still in the air, "the werewolf differs from the true wolf in several small ways. The snout of the werewolf--" "That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger," said Snape coolly. "Fire more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all."

Day 12: Your Saintly Father "I would hate for you to run away with a false idea of your father, Potter," he said, a terrible grin twisting his face. "Have you been imagining some act of glorious heroism? Then let me correct you--your saintly father and his friends played a highly amusing joke on me that would have resulted in my death if your father hadn't gotten cold feet at the last moment. There was nothing brave about what he did. He was saving his own skin as much as mine. Had their joke succeeded, he would have been expelled from Hogwarts." Snape's uneven, yellowish teeth were bared.

Day 13: Don't Talk About What You Don't Understand "KEEP QUIET, YOU STUPID GIRL!" Snape shouted, looking suddenly quite deranged. "DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" A few sparks shot out of the end o his wand, which was still pointed at Black's face. Hermione fell silent. "Vengeance is very sweet," Snape breathed at Black. "How I hoped I would be the one to catch you..." "The joke's on you again, Severus," Black snarled. "As long as this boy brings his rat up to the castle" --he jerked his head at Ron-- "I'll come quietly...." "Up to the castle?" said Snape silkily. "I don't think we need to go that far. All I have to do is call the dementors once we get out of the Willow. They'll be very pleased to see you, Black...pleased enough to give you a little Kiss, I daresay...."

Day 14: A Great Disappointment "He must have Disapparated, Severus. We should have let somebody in the room with him. When this gets out--" "HE DIDN'T DISAPPARATE!" Snape roared, now very close at hand. "YOU CAN'T APPARATE *OR* DISAPPARATE INSIDE THIS CASTLE! THIS--HAS--SOMETHING--TO--DO--WITH--POTTER!" "Severus--be reasonable--Harry has been locked up--" BAM. The door of the hospital wing burst open. Fudge, Snape, and Dumbledore came striding into the ward. Dumbledore alone looked calm. Indeed, he looked as though he was quite enjoying himself. Fudge appeared angry. But Snape was beside himself. "OUT WITH IT, POTTER!" he bellowed. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" "Professor Snape!" shrieked Madam Pomfrey. "Control yourself!" "See here, Snape, be reasonable," said Fudge. "This door's been locked, we just saw--" "THEY HELPED HIM ESCAPE, I KNOW IT!" Snape howled, pointing at Harry and Hermione. His face was twisted; spit was flying from his mouth. "Calm down, man!" Fudge barked. "You're talking nonsense!" "YOU DON'T KNOW POTTER!" shrieked Snape. "HE DID IT, I KNOW HE DID IT--" "That will do, Severus," said Dumbledore quietly. "Think about what you are saying. This door has been locked since I left the war ten minutes ago. Madam Pomfrey, have these students left their beds?" "Of course not!" said Madam Pomfrey, bristling. "I would have heard them!" "Well, there you have it, Severus," said Dumbledore calmly. "Unless you are suggesting that Harry and Hermione are able to be in two places at once, I'm afraid I don't see any point in troubling them further." Snape stood there, seething, staring from Fudge, who looked thoroughly shocked at his behavior, to Dumbledore, whose eyes were twinkling behind his glasses. Snape whirled about, robes swishing behind him, and stormed out of the ward. "Fellow seems quite unbalanced," said Fudge, staring after him. "I'd watch out for him if I were you, Dumbledore." "Oh, he's not unbalanced," said Dumbledore quietly. "He's just suffered a severe disappointment."

Day 15: Haven't You Heard? "Blimey, haven' yeh heard?" said Hagrid, his smile fading a little. He lowered his voice, even though there was nobody in sight. "Er--Snape told all the Slytherins this mornin'....Thought everyone'd know by now...Professor Lupin's a werewolf, see. An' he was loose on the grounds las' night...He's packin' now, o' course."

Day 16: I See No Difference "And what is all this noise about?" said a soft, deadly voice. Snape had arrived. The Slytherins clamored to give their explanations; Snape pointed a long yellow finger at Malfoy and said, "Explain." "Potter attacked me, sir--" "We attacked each other at the same time!" Harry shouted. "--and he hit Goyle--look--" Snape examined Goyle, whose face now resembled something that would have been at home in a book on poisonous fungi. "Hospital wing, Goyle," Snape said calmly. "Malfoy got Hermione!" Ron said. "Look!" He forced Hermione to show Snape her teeth--she was doing her best to hide them with her hands, though this was difficult as they had now grown down past her collar. Pansy Parkinson and the other Slytherin girls were doubled up with silent giggles, pointing at Hermione from behind Snape's back. Snape looked coldly at Hermione, then said, "I see no difference."

Day 17: The Dark Mark Snape strode forward, past Dumbledore, pulling up the left sleeve of his robes as he went. He struck out his forearm and showed it to Fudge, who recoiled. "There," said Snape harshly. "There. The Dark Mark. It is not as clear as it was an hour or so ago, when it burned black, but you can still see it. Every Death Eater had the sign burned into him by the Dark Lord. It was a means of distinguishing one another, and his means of summoning us to him. When he touched the Mark of any Death Eater, we were to Disapparate, and Apparate, instantly, at his side. This Mark has been growing clearer all year. Karkaroff's too. Why do you think Karkaroff fled tonight? We both felt the Mark burn. We both knew he had returned. Karkaroff fears the Dark Lord's vengeance. He betrayed too many of his fellow Death Eater to be sure of a welcome back into the fold."

Day 18: If You Are Ready...If You Are Prepared... "Severus," said Dumbledore, turning to Snape, "you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready...if you are prepared..." "I am," said Snape. He looked slightly paler than usual, and his cold, black eyes glittered strangely. "Then good luck," said Dumbledore, and he watched, with a trace of apprehension on his face, as Snape swept wordlessly after Sirius.

Day 19: Obviously "Now...how long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?" she asked, her quill poised over her clipboard. "Fourteen years," Snape replied. His expression was unfathomable. His eyes on Snape, Harry added a few drops to his potion; it hissed menacingly and turned from turquoise to orange. "You applied first for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post, I believe?" Professor Umbridge asked Snape. "Yes," said Snape quietly. "But you were unsuccessful?" Snape's lip curled. "Obviously." Professor Umbridge scribbled on her clipboard. "And you have applied regularly for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post since you first joined the school, I believe?" "Yes," said Snape quietly, barely moving his lips. He looked very angry. "Do you have any idea why Dumbledore has consistently refused to appoint you?" asked Umbridge. "I suggest you ask him," said Snape jerkily. "Oh I shall," said Professor Umbridge with a sweet smile. "I suppose this is relevant?" Snape asked, his black eyes narrowed. "Oh yes," said Professor Umbridge. "Yes, the Ministry wants a thorough understanding of teachers'--er--backgrounds...." She turned away, walked over to Pansy Parkinson, and began questioning her about the lessons. Snape looked around at Harry and their eyes met for a second. Harry hastily dropped his gaze to his potion, which was now congealing foully and giving off a strong smell of burned rubber. "No marks again, then, Potter," said Snape maliciously, emptying Harry's cauldron with a wave of his wand. "You will write me an essay on the correct composition of this potion, indicating how and why you went wrong, to be handed in next lesson, do you understand?"

Day 20: Very Like His Father "How touching," Snape sneered. "But surely you have noticed that Potter is very like his father?" Yes, I have," said Sirius proudly. "Well then, you'll know he's so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him," Snape said sleekly. Sirius pushed his chair roughly aside and strode around the table toward Snape, pulling out his wand as he went; Snape whipped out his own. They were squaring up to each other, Sirius looking livid, Snape calculating, his eyes darting from Sirius' wand-tip to his face. "Sirius!" said Harry loudly, but Sirius appeared not to hear him. "I've warned you, Snivellus," said Sirius, his face barely a foot from Snape's, "I don't care if Dumbledore thinks you've reformed, I know better." "Oh, but why don't you tell him so?" whispered Snape. "Or are you afraid he might not take the advice of a man who has been hiding inside his mother's house for six months very seriously?" "Tell me, how is Lucius Malfoy these days? I expect he's delighted his lapdog's working at Hogwarts, isn't he?" "Speaking of dogs," said Snape softly, "did you know that Lucius Malfoy recognized you last time you risked a little jaunt outside? Clever idea, Black, getting yourself seen on a safe station platform...gave you a cast-iron excuse not to leave your hidey-hole in future, didn't it?" Sirius raised his wand. "NO!" Harry yelled, vaulting over the table and trying to get in between them, "Sirius, don't--" "Are you calling me a coward?" roared Sirius, trying to push Harry out of the way, but Harry would not budge. "Why, yes, I suppose I am," said Snape.

Day 21: Wormtail's Whine "We...we are alone, aren't we?" Narcissa asked quietly. "Yes, of course. Well, Wormtail's here, but we're not counting vermin, are we?" He pointed his wand at the wall of books behind him and with a bang, a hidden door flew open, revealing a narrow staircase upon which a small man stood frozen. "As you have clearly realized, Wormtail, we have guests," said Snape lazily. The man crept, hunchbacked, down the last few steps and moved into the room. He had small, watery eyes, a pointed nose, and wore an unpleasant simper. His left hand was caressing his right, which looked as though it was encased in a bright silver glove. "Narcissa!" he said, in a squeaky voice. "And Bellatrix! How charming--" "Wormtail will get us drinks, if you'd like them," said Snape. "And then he will return to his bedroom." Wormtail winced as though Snape had thrown something at him. "I am not your servant!" he squeaked, avoiding Snape's eyes. "Really? I was under the impression that the Dark Lord placed you here to assist me." "To assist, yes--but not to make you drinks and--clean your house!" "I had no idea, Wormtail, that you were craving more dangerous assignments," said Snape silkily. "This can be easily arranged: I shall speak to the Dark Lord--" "I can speak to him if I want to!" "Of course you can," said Snape, sneering. "But in the meantime, bring us drinks. Some of the elf-made wine will do."

Day 22: A Loving Caress Snape set off around the edge of the room, speaking now in a lower voice; the class craned their necks to keep him in view. "The Dark Arts," said Snape, "are many, varied, ever-changing, and eternal. Fighting them is like fighting a many-headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before. You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible." Harry stared at Snape. It was surely one thing to respect the Dark Arts as a dangerous enemy, another to speak of them, as Snape was doing, with a loving caress in his voice? "Your defenses," said Snape, a little louder, "must therefore be as flexible and inventive as the arts you seek to undo. These pictures" --he indicated a few of them as he swept past-- "give a fair representation of what happens to those who suffer, for instance, the Cruciatus Curse" --he waved a hand toward a witch who was clearly shrieking in agony-- "feel the Dementor's Kiss" --a wizard lying huddled and blank-eyed, slumped against a wall-- "or provoke the aggression of the Inferius" --a bloody mass upon the ground.

Day 23: Better People "What does it matter?" said Malfoy. "Defense Against the Dark Arts--it's all just a joke, isn't it, an act? Like an of us need protecting against the Dark Arts--" "It is an act that is crucial to success, Draco!" said Snape. "Where do you think I would have been all these years, if I had not known how to act? Now listen to me! You are being incautious, wandering around at night, getting yourself caught, and if you are placing your reliance in assistants like Crabbe and Goyle--" "They're not the only ones, I've got other people on my side, better people!" "Then why not confide in me, and I can--" "I know what you're up to! You want to steal my glory!" There was another pause, then Snape said coldly, "You are speaking like a child. I quite understand that your father's capture and imprisonment has upset you, but--"

Day 24: Revulsion and Hatred Etched on His Face "Severus..." The sound frightened Harry beyond anything he had experienced all evening. For the first time, Dumbledore was pleading. Snape said nothing, but walked forward and pushed Malfoy roughly out of the way. The three Death Eaters fell back without a word. Even the werewolf seemed cowed. Snape gazed for a moment at Dumbledore, and there was revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face. "Severus...please..." Snape raised his wand and pointed it directly at Dumbledore. "Avada Kedavra!"

Day 25: Don't Call Me Coward Mustering all his powers of concentration, Harry thought, Levi-- "No, Potter!" screamed Snape. There was a loud BANG and Harry was soaring backward, hitting the ground hard again, and this time his wand flew out of his hand. He could hear Hagrid yelling and Fang howling as Snape closed in and looked down on him where he lay, wandless and defenseless as Dumbledore had been. Snape's pale face, illuminated by the flaming cabin, was suffused with hatred just as it had been before he had cursed Dumbledore. "You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them--I, the Half-Blood Prince! And you'd turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father, woudl you? I don't think so...no!" Harry had dived for his wand; Snape shot a hex at it and it flew feet away into the darkness and out of sight. "Kill me then," panted Harry, who felt no fear at all, but only rage and contempt. "Kill me like you killed him, you coward--" "DON'T--" screamed Snape, and his face was suddenly deranged, inhuman, as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog stuck in the burning house behind them-- "CALL ME COWARD!"

Day 26: The Guest Voldemort raised Lucius Malfoy's wand, pointed it directly at the slowing revolving figure suspended over the table, and gave it a tiny flick. The figure came to life with a groan and began to struggle against invisible bonds. "Do you recognize our guest, Severus?" asked Voldemort. Snape raised his eyes to the upside-down face. All of the Death Eaters were looking up at the captive now, as thought they had been given permission to show curiosity. As she revolved to face the firelight, the woman said in a cracked and terrified voice, "Severus! Help me!" "Ah, yes," said Snape as the prisoner turned slowly away again.

Day 27: I Regret It "All this long night, when I am on the brink of victory, I have sat here," said Voldemort, his voice barely louder than a whisper, "wondering, wondering why the Elder Wand refuses to be what it ought to be, refuses to perform as legend says it must perform for its rightful owner...and I think I have the answer." Snape did not speak. "Perhaps you already know it? You are a clever man, after all, Severus. You have been a good and faithful servant, and I regret what must happen." "My Lord--" "The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mine." "My Lord!" Snape protested, raising his wand. "It cannot be any other way," said Voldemort. "I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last." And Voldemort swiped the air with the Elder Wand. It did nothing to Snape, who for a split second seemed to think he had been reprieved: But then Voldemort's intention became clear. The snake's cage was rolling through the air, and before Snape could do anything more than yell, it had encased him, head and shoulders, and Voldemort spoke in Parseltongue. "Kill." There was a terrible scream. Harry saw Snape's face losing the little color it had left; it whitened as his black eyes widened, as the snake's fangs pierced his neck, as he failed to push the enchanted cage off himself, as his knees gave way and he fell to the floor. "I regret it," said Voldemort coldly.

Day 28: You Hurt Her! "Tuney!" said Lily, surprise and welcome in her voice, but Snape had jumped to his feet. "Who's spying now?" he shouted. "What d'you want?" Petunia was breathless, alarmed at being caught. Harry could see her struggling for something hurtful to say. "What is that you're wearing, anyway?" she said, pointing at Snape's chest. "Your mum's blouse?" There was a *crack*. A branch over Petunia's head had fallen. Lily screamed: The branch caught Petunia on the shoulder, and she staggered backward and burst into tears. "Tuney!" But Petunia was running away. Lily rounded on Snape. "Did you make it happen?" "No." He looked both defiant and scared. "You did!" She was backing away from him. "You *did*! You hurt her!" "No--no I didn't!" But the lie did not convince Lily: After one last burning look, she ran from the little thicket, off after her sister, and Snape looked miserable and confused....

Day 29: Save Your Breath "I'm sorry." "I'm not interested." "I'm sorry!" "Save your breath." It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here." "I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just--" "Slipped out?" There was no pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends--you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?" He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking. "I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine." "No--listen, I didn't mean--" "--to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I any different?" He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole....

Day 30: Anything "If she means so much to you," said Dumbledore, "surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for the mother, in exchange for the son?" "I have--I have asked him--" "You disgust me," said Dumbledore, and Harry had never heard so much contempt in his voice. Snape seemed to drink a little. "You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?" Snape said nothing, but merely looked up at Dumbledore. "Hide them all, then," he croaked. "Keep her--them--safe. Please." "And what will you give me in return, Severus?" "In--in return?" Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, "Anything."

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[5lazarus]

Bring Back the Bastard Fest

putting it out there that I'll be running a Severus Snape-centric celebration next month, reviving my absolute favorite writing fest from the LiveJournal days--the Bring Back the Bastard Fest!

This festival is meant to celebrate Snape at his absolute worst--the pettiest things he's done. Got your dark Death Eater headcanons? Your nastiest tongue-lashing at Neville as he quivers over his melting cauldron? The shittiest thing he ever said to Harry? This is the space for it!

We want your bastard!Snape!, your rude!Snape, your petty!childish!nasty!crude!Snape. No Snape hate, of course--but just a celebration of the wonderful, flawed (anti)hero that he is. Judging by how much traction this gets, I'll post a list of prompts--31 of Severus' best putdowns and oneliners, one for each day, and set up the @bringbackthebastard blog. I'll put up an AO3 collection at the start of August. Because of the nature of Snaters, we'll vet what gets added to the collection and reblogged to the blog, to make sure all our fics & art are made lovingly. I don't know about you, but I love this character because he's sarcastic and nasty--and I'd love to celebrate that side with the fandom at large. :)

#severus snape #snape #pro-snape #pro snape #snapedom #snape love #bring back the bastard #harry potter fandom fest #bring back the bastard fest #snape fandom

[avalonmoonshinesstuff]

For @bringbackthebastard. Day 5: Maybe He’s Ill Rated M. Triggers in tags.

Severus knew he wasn't a patient man. He had put some effort into that quality over the years, but he knew he was not one of the staff who would sit still with worry. He pushed back against the chair and it creaked, bringing the Great Hall's focus on him. Dismissing McGonagall's scandalised stare, and flicking his hand at Albus' obvious concern, he made his way out of the unusually quiet hall.

Last year, it was the Dark Lord possessed, and what if- He stopped that thought. Magic had strange ways to outwit those who thought themselves secure in their abilities. He wasn't going to be one of those idiots.

Severus was going out when he bumped into the Filch, and the man looked like a kneazle who ate all the doxies in Hogwarts. He shuddered before asking in a demure voice, "What is it," he paused and looked at Filch's face to understand his expectation this time. When he saw that Filch's smile had left his face, he hastened with, "Argus? I have some important business to attend to..."

Bypassing Severus, Filch closed the large doors and laid a hand on his bicep. He tugged, "Let's go there, shall we?"

This couldn't be happening, could it? Severus had to save Potter and Weasley; he didn't have time to waste on persuading Filch to leave him alone. There was no time! "Pl-"

Filch's grip turned bone-crushing. Severus groaned and all he could do was let himself be pulled. As long as he was shackled here, Filch could do anything he wanted. Behind a suit of armour, he went, not expecting to get a reprieve when he heard the sound of loud footfalls running towards them. Panicking, he pushed Filch against the wall and looked from behind the armour. He could recognise that red hair anywhere, and right beside the youngest Weasley was Potter.

He sighed in relief as saw them laugh. Filch chuckled and Severus cringed. “Hang on…” Potter said, and Filch pulled him against his taller frame. “There’s an empty chair at the staff table…Where’s Snape?” A chuckle again before Filch murmured against Severus' hidden ear, "Where is Snape, they ask. Maybe we should make a racket." As Weasley said in a cheery voice, “Maybe he’s ill!” Severus could only groan as he wished so alongside his most difficult students. He'd die of humiliation if one of them found him in such a situation (for that's all he could think of calling it). “Maybe he’s left, because he missed out on the Defense Against the Dark Arts job again!” Filch let go this time, and Severus knew he must be retrieving some implement to restrain him. This was his chance. He elbowed the man hard enough to bruise and stepped forward, towards the boys. “Or he might have been sacked!” Weasley was ecstatic. Severus couldn't help but admire his intellect. Yet, no academic reform would stop him or end his plight because Dumbledore made it a point to keep his most useful pawn by his side. Oh, how he hated Dumbledore sometimes.

“I mean, everyone hates him–”

Keeping an eye on Filch as he was dealing with his problem, Severus brought his occlumency shields up and started cooly, “Or maybe, he’s waiting to hear why you two didn’t arrive on the school train.”

#bring back the bastard fest 2021 #bring back the bastard #day 5: Maybe He's Ill #abusive relationship #or #non-con #dark! #argus filch #severus snape #severus snape x argus filch

[wolfwind3]

Bring Back the Bastard Day 2

(Part 2 of “Harry’s London Season,” in which, instead of Occlumency, Snape teaches Harry etiquette lessons during fifth year to prepare him for his presentation during the Wizarding Season. Inspired by this discussion.)

Day 2: “Celebrity”

Harry slouched up to the front of the room after Potions. Only his respect for Professor Dumbledore - and the fact that Snape would probably take a thousand house points - kept him from walking away. This whole idea was idiotic.

Snape carefully stowed away everything that was on his desk before looking up. Harry was gritting his teeth before he closed the final drawer.

“So, Potter,” he said. “Have you any idea what a social Season entails?”

“No,” Harry said sullenly.

Snape gave him an evil smile. “While I am well aware that your disrespect for authority knows no bounds, I do hope I am present when you decide to omit the honorifics of the patronesses. It is sure to be vastly entertaining.”

“No, sir,” Harry amended, still sullenly.

Snape leaned forward suddenly. “You may think, Potter, that your name and your ‘heroic’ past will open any doors to you. Sadly, this will in fact be the case. However, once you are through those doors, you will learn that Society’s gossip is relentless. Every word you speak, every move you make, will be analyzed. If you continue with your holier-than-thou attitude, no one will refuse to receive you - your celebrity will see to that - but you will go from a powerful player in the game to a mere pawn. Is that what you want?”

Harry glared back at him. “I want to fight Voldemort!”

Snape’s face tightened. “And Professor Dumbledore has judged this to be the most effective way to do so.”

“Why?” Harry demanded. “What can parading me around like a show pony possibly accomplish?”

“You will have to ask Professor Dumbledore that.��

Harry clenched his fists, trying to throttle down the words he wanted to say.

“Now. Your manners are execrable, but your accent will pass. What foreign languages do you speak?”

What was he on about? “I learned some French in primary school, sir.”

“Well, I’m sure your ability to count to trois will impress everyone.” Snape retrieved a quill and jotted something down. “How’s your Latin?”

“Why would I possibly need to know Latin?”

“When I mutter stultissime under my breath, it will be useful to know whether you should laugh or call me out. Doing the wrong one will be embarrassing. Speaking of which, have you ever seen or heard of a proper wizard’s duel?”

Harry opened his mouth, and then realized that he’d better not bring up Ron and Malfoy’s abortive duel in first year. “No.”

“You amaze me. As you will doubtless find yourself in such a situation before the end of the Season, we will cover the correct etiquette. Although, Potter,” Snape’s voice was suddenly low and very menacing, “if you end up as the principal in a duel, you had better hope that your opponent aims to kill. Because if you survive, you will have to face me, and I assure you that you would prefer death.”

“Yeah, I’m sure of that,” Harry spat back at him.

Snape straightened up and  continued as if the exchange had never happened. “I assume you don’t dance.”

“Absolutely not,” Harry said immediately. “I don’t want-”

“I’m afraid what you want does not signify in the least.” Snape stowed his quill and parchment away again. “Very well. I have a sense of what we need to cover this year. Since Professor Dumbledore does not want your early entry into Society to be announced, you will be joining me for Remedial Potions lessons every Thursday evening.”

Harry looked up, outraged. “But Thursday is when the Gryffindor Quidditch team practices!”

“Is it?” Snape said innocently. “Oh, dear.”

Harry ground his teeth together. “Can we please make it Wednesday, sir?”

Snape stared at him for an uncomfortable moment. “Very well, Mr. Potter,” he said at last. “I will see you on Wednesday at 7pm.”

@bringbackthebastard

#bring back the bastard fest 2021

[dastardly-lemondrops]

Bring Back the Bastard day 1: scar

ᴰᵃʸ ¹: ᵀʰᵉ ˢᶜᵃʳ ᴾʳᵒᶠᵉˢˢᵒʳ ᵠᵘᶦʳʳᵉˡˡ, ᶦⁿ ʰᶦˢ ᵃᵇˢᵘʳᵈ ᵗᵘʳᵇᵃⁿ, ʷᵃˢ ᵗᵃˡᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵃ ᵗᵉᵃᶜʰᵉᵉʳ ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵍʳᵉᵃˢʸ ᵇˡᵃᶜᵏ ʰᵃᶦʳ, ᵃ ʰᵒᵒᵏᵉᵈ ⁿᵒˢᵉ, ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᵃˡˡᵒʷ ˢᵏᶦⁿ. ᴵᵗ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿᵉᵈ ᵛᵉʳʸ ˢᵘᵈᵈᵉⁿˡʸ. ᵀʰᵉ ʰᵒᵒᵏ⁻ⁿᵒˢᵉᵈ ᵗᵉᵃᶜʰᵉʳ ˡᵒᵒᵏᵉᵈ ᵖᵃˢᵗ ᵠᵘᶦʳʳᵉˡˡ'ˢ ᵗᵘʳᵇᵃⁿ ˢᵗʳᵃᶦᵍʰᵗ ᶦⁿᵗᵒ ᴴᵃʳʳʸ'ˢ ᵉʸᵉˢ⁻⁻ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃ ˢʰᵃʳᵖ, ʰᵒᵗ ᵖᵃᶦⁿ ˢʰᵒᵗ ᵃᶜʳᵒˢˢ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᶜᵃʳ ᵒⁿ ᴴᵃʳʳʸ'ˢ ᶠᵒʳᵉʰᵉᵃᵈ. "ᴼᵘᶜʰᵎ" ᴴᵃʳʳʸ ᶜˡᵃᵖᵖᵉᵈ ᵃ ʰᵃⁿᵈ ᵗᵒ ʰᶦˢ ʰᵉᵃᵈ. "ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᶦˢ ᶦᵗˀ" ᵃˢᵏᵉᵈ ᴾᵉʳᶜʸ. "ᴺ⁻ⁿᵒᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ." ᵀʰᵉ ᵖᵃᶦⁿ ʰᵃᵈ ᵍᵒⁿᵉ ᵃˢ ᵠᵘᶦᶜᵏˡʸ ᵃˢ ᶦᵗ ʰᵃᵈ ᶜᵒᵐᵉ. ᴴᵃʳᵈᵉʳ ᵗᵒ ˢʰᵃᵏᵉ ᵒᶠᶠ ʷᵃˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵉᵉˡᶦⁿᵍ ᴴᵃʳʳʸ ʰᵃᵈ ᵍᵒᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᵉᵃᶜʰᵉʳ'ˢ ˡᵒᵒᵏ⁻⁻ᵃ ᶠᵉˡˡᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʰᵉ ᵈᶦᵈⁿ'ᵗ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᴴᵃʳʳʸ ᵃᵗ ᵃˡˡ. "ᵂʰᵒ'ˢ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵗᵉᵃᶜʰᵉʳ ᵗᵃˡᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᴾʳᵒᶠᵉˢˢᵒʳ ᵠᵘᶦʳʳᵉˡˡˀ" ʰᵉ ᵃˢᵏᵉᵈ ᴾᵉʳᶜʸ. "ᴼʰ, ʸᵒᵘ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᵠᵘᶦʳʳᵉˡˡ ᵃˡʳᵉᵃᵈʸ, ᵈᵒ ʸᵒᵘˀ ᴺᵒ ʷᵒⁿᵈᵉʳ ʰᵉ'ˢ ˡᵒᵒᵏᶦⁿᵍ ˢᵒ ⁿᵉʳᵛᵒᵘˢ, ᵗʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᴾʳᵒᶠᵉˢˢᵒʳ ˢⁿᵃᵖᵉ. ᴴᵉ ᵗᵉᵃᶜʰᵉˢ ᴾᵒᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ, ᵇᵘᵗ ʰᵉ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ⁻⁻ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵒⁿᵉ ᵏⁿᵒʷˢ ʰᵉ'ˢ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵠᵘᶦʳʳᵉˡˡ'ˢ ʲᵒᵇ. ᴷⁿᵒʷˢ ᵃⁿ ᵃʷᶠᵘˡ ˡᵒᵗ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᴰᵃʳᵏ ᴬʳᵗˢ, ˢⁿᵃᵖᵉ." He’s staring at me, Severus thought. The Potter boy was staring at him. He sat stiff in his chair at the head table of the great hall, disturbed by the fact that Potter had just noticed him and he was outright staring. Did he sense something? Severus scowled in response to discourage him. He’d need to do everything he could to make the boy hate him, for both their safety. Potter flinched as if he were in pain. Severus furrowed his brow, shocked that the boy would have that much of a reaction to an unfriendly look. Potter reached for the scar on his forehead. He really was in pain. Severus glanced to his right.

#bring back the bastard #bring back the bastard fest 2021 #snapedom #pro snape #severus snape

[izusun]

Goblin anon here absolutely screeching over feral quirkless Midoriya, it's everything I wanted

I would like to also introduce a brand (my brand) of feral to Midoriya: pyromaniac.

Imagine Midoriya getting through the entrance exam by saving people, but also by bringing makeshift Molotov cocktails and wrecking almost as much shop as Bakugou.

Imagine the battle trials where Bakugou tries to blow up the building because "that's the only way to keep this little shit down" and in response Midoriya dodges and then sets the building on fire.

Imagine the USJ incident, which goes about the same, but his first instinct is to set the Noumu on fire. Yes he does so. He also nearly sets the stadium on fire at the sports festival so much that they had to evacuate sections of the stadium.

Midoriya (say it with me now) sets Stain on fire. When Tsukauchi meets with the murder trio after the Hosu incident, he just sighs and is like "Midoriya, really?" And this is when we learn that Midoriya has a history of coming across random villains and setting them on fire. When Inko arrives to pick him up she's just like "You're grounded."

There's theories about what Midoriya's quirk, everything from increased intelligence to extremely shitty luck to the ability to make anything he touches explodes (due to his inane ability to make a bomb/lighter out of the most insane things). When it comes out that he's quirkless, it just makes everyone even more afraid, as Midoriya can make a bomb out of some LSD and a rubber duck quirkless-

Pyromaniac quirkless Midoriya.

- Goblin anon

GOBLIN ANON IT’S BEEN AGES IM SORRY IM JUST RESPONDING NOW (ive been so bad at responding asks my god i struggle but thank u for ur au dumps, i love loVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!)

IM IN LOVE WITH THIS AU

feral quirkless gremlin midoriya going through shit by setting things on fire is just the way to go im duwldjwksk

i read midoriya with molotov cocktails and i have not stopped simping for and thinking about this midoriya

genuinely swooning at this ver of him

midoriya probably has a collection of lighters and basically does those hand tricks to calm him down or to take his mind off of things

bakugou and midoriya being more familiar with each other in their middle school days compared to canon and bakugou gifting midoriya with personalized all might lighter god that’s adorable

ok but they’re talking about their favourite heroes and bakugou goes, “shocking that you don’t like endeavour.”

and midoriya just shrugs, twisting his hand and fingers to orchestrate the fire’s dance from his lighter, his viridian eyes brighter and says, “his fire feels wrong.” and they leave it at that

midoriya being inspired by bakugou’s explosions and attempting to copy those so bad that bakugou thought midoriya’s trying out for support classes

OK BUT FIGHT WITH SLUDGE VILLAIN?

he yanks out makeshift molotov cocktails from his bag, lights them up and throws them at the bastard. the sludge villain screams and retreats slightly because not only was he facing the fires but also the exploded glass shards. it gave enough time for bakugou to explode the villain and escape enough to allow him to breathe. in the end, all might still defeats the sludge but he misses bakugou and midoriya who escaped. no ofa for firey green bean.

bakugou helping midoriya create more explosions.

“but kacchba i want fire, not explosions!”

“same difference you pyro asshole!”

midoriya learns them anyways and enjoys it.

THE EXAM!!

i have two ways:

one: midoriya appealed to the staff that he needed support items and they allowed him and they watched in shock as this little boy explodes the arena worse than the explosion-quirked student. of course he passes and aizawa took him on as his student.

two: midoriya appealed to the staff that he needed his support items but the staff did NOT allow him because they’re considered weapons (as if quirks are not genetic weapons but i DIGRESS) and so when the exam starts, he stays at the very back of the other examinees. this was so that when he arrives at the scene, there are already spare parts for him to scavenge so that he can build makeshift explosions (foregoing whatever shit he learned from katsuki because all that’s on his mind right now are molotov cocktails)

so that’s what happens. he scavenges parts and hides inside one of the buildings so that he can focus more on making explosions and be less worried about being attacked. when he was fully geared, he steps out and begins to retaliate.

he works fast as to not waste his time and the makeshift explosions. because of this, others (ahem-aoyama-ahem) had no opportunity to steal his score.

same thing happens: uraraka gets caught and midoriya explodes the zero pointer. this time, however, the robot is utterly destroyed.

aizawa and majima saw midoriya’s performance, adored it, and began fighting for midoriya.

“majima, he’s here for the hero classes.”

“great. now give him to me.”

nezu pretends that he’s not planning on splitting midoriya’s schedule anyways.

BATTLE TRIAL OH MY GOD rip all might i bet you keeled over so bad, you were one second from turning to small might there and then.

all might: ok so one explodey kid to look out for. that’s not bad.

all might, one minute later: this green kid looks familiar…

all might, ten minutes later: what the fuck.

NO BECAUSE bakugou and midoriya being excited to explode things (well, more like midoriya’s excited and bakugou just wants to fight midoriya) and having a blast when fighting each other.

1a’s probably thinking “oh no” followed by “they’re hot” (literally too because yk the building’s on fire.)

MIDORIYA EXPLODING THE NOUMU??? king shit

midoriya saw this monster running to aizawa and he just points a more eloquent looking flame thrower (thank u mei for working with midoriya with that) at this beast and sets it on fire.

it effectively slowed the noumu and gave the others an opportunity to pull aizawa from the hit zone. it also granted all might more freedom when fighting the noumu because it was slowed enough that all might didn’t have to worry about exceeding his time limit.

the fire damaged some of its nerve processes that the scientist and afo had not accounted for. of course this review is returned to them and many of the noumus become fireproof because of this incident.

OK BUT DURING THE SPORTS FEST

midoriya crushing on todoroki because fire.

he was actually very interested in todoroki prior to sports fest but something about todoroki’s fight against sero sparked something more in midoriya. midoriya saw the anger from his ice, now he wants to see the same intensity from his fire.

his spiel of “that’s your power, todoroki” goes differently. todoroki still pulls him aside and trauma dumps on him but this time he goes, without missing a beat, “that fire is a waste on you.”

todoroki full body pauses because that’s not something he’s ever, well, considered to hear after trauma dumping.

“what?” he croaks, confused at the bubbling feeling. it’s a miasma of anger and hurt, but to a scale so unfamiliar.

midoriya shrugs. “fire is unique, more so as an elemental quirk. you think it doesn’t make half of you—well, i mean you’re right. it doesn’t. you make it. you control it. fire is often uncontrollable and yet here you are, having it as your power. it’s yours to control, so control it. use it.”

todoroki’s ears are ringing.

“you have it as your power.”

“so control it.”

and so he did.

midoriya watched todoki’s fire; watched the way the flames lick up up up and leaves no air bathed in heat. midoriya sees the rawness of anger and determination and thinks, “this is how fire should always look like.”

unconsciously he also thinks how todoroki’s fire is far more beautiful than endeavour’s.

midoriya loses and he’s not as sad about it. losing to something sentient (fire, not todoroki), for him, is a blessing.

todoroki advances along with bakugou.

bakugou who is jealous of todoroki because he saw how midoriya eyed todoroki’s fire and knew todoroki’s a competition in other more ways.

bakugou wins again, this time less angry because todoroki used his fire against him.

STAIN THINKING MIDORIYA’S JUST THIS WEIRD HERO STUDENT WHO HAS NO SPECIFIC QUIRK UNTIL HE FEELS FLAME KISS HIS SKIN AND SCREAMS BECAUSE DAMN IT GREEN EYED KID JUST SET HIM ON FIRE

todoroki full on pausing because he thought he’s the one who set stain on fire unconsciously only to follow the fire’s trail and sees it’s from one of midoriya’s many support items.

“shoot i didn’t mean to burn him that fast!”

“that’s your issue!?”

midoriya gives them a “duh?” look and todoroki feels himself warming up (HAH another fire pun) at midoriya’s ease.

flying noumi still comes and picks him up but midoriya also sets this thing on fire. the difference between a winged noumu and a normal noumu is that the wings are far more flammable and midoriya had quite a bit of fun at setting it on fire and hearing the crackling of flames on rubbery wings.

endeavour casts him a glance that speaks of approval and midoriya doesn’t know if he hates it or not.

tsukauchi arrives and sees not only stain, but the noumu and heaves up a very big sigh. “midoriya, really?”

GOBLIN! PYROMANIAC QUIRKLESS MIDORIYA IZUKU IS A FAVE IM SCREAMING

#goblin anon #ask #IM BACK W GOBLIN RAMBLINGS #god im still simping for tbis midoriya #goblin anon KNOWS where to HIT what a fella #bnha #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #slight #bakudeku #and #tododeku