#but even if hes bi why would you want anybody to suffer having to be in a relationship with somebody who could never care enough

[vegasandhishedgehog]

Fuck this, I wasn't tagged by anybody but since y'all are making me insane sharing your lovely faves on my dash I gotta join the fun!

10 BL People That I Want Carnally

Just so we're clear, I'm immediately not limiting myself to 10. I'm bi. You think we have limits? (Tumblr says yes, but that's why I'm on desktop for this instead of mobile)

Night from Dirty Laundry

Are we surprised? This awakened a whole thing in me. I was constantly yelling from the rooftops about my love for this man in the cheapest drag you ever saw. This is my JAM. I'm already trying to calm myself down making the first entry on this post. GOD. And his whole committed-to-the-bit romancing a mafia leader and then robbing her because he needs money, but really he's a wee romantic who just wants to write exciting stories like all of us bitches on AO3? Honey I am FREE at 5pm on Saturday. Also, shush, I know it's not a BL, I'm counting it as part of the Midnight Series as a whole :P

Yok from Not Me

PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR POLICE OFFICERS. We already have matching tattoos babe. He isn't perfect but he's a well-intentioned mama's boy and has swagger.

Maya from Laws of Attraction

Listen, I don't think much explaining is necessary here. I'm a woman but she can call me "pretty boy" any day. Is she just Silvy Pavida with a MILF wife? Yeah. That's the point. I'll join. They would let me.

Speaking of Laws of Attraction, Nawin

I deserve an insane golden retriever boyfriend. I deserve a man who can't spell his ex's name but can get a pilot's license. He deserves someone who will enable his silliness, even when there's trouble with the accountant. *kisses all over his wing tattoo*

Togawa from Old Fashion Cupcake

Mr. Hamster Cheeks my love <3 The dates would be so good. And so would the food. And the food naps afterward. I'm a good snuggler, he's tall and there's a lot to snuggle. Win-win.

Ink from Bad Buddy

I know many of us are weak for Milk Pansa, but like, there's a reason for that. She gave us the ICON for lesbian side couples. Please, girl, scare men away from me when they mistake a boner for full-fledged love. Make me feel welcome and important and pretty and like I'm the specialest girl alive. Be taller than me ;)

Wen Qing from The Untamed

She didn't die, actually, we just eloped together, haha. I just think as someone who studied medicine, she'd have a lot of good tricks up her sleeve and I don't mean acupuncture needles.

Saifah from Enchanté

Yeah. I needed to use this gif. Get that record deal my man. Live your dreams king. I also love that he's both the old man and woman here. Impeccable. We deserved more of him.

Uea from Bed Friend

Gimme this catboy realness right now. Also, I just love him so much. He owns his narrative despite all the shit he has suffered and gets everything he deserves for it. We could be besties even. We could be...no I shan't say it.

SamMon from GAP

I just want whatever is going on right here. Let me join. Simple as that.

Tops and Marwin from Ingredients

I'm this guy. Except I think they'd be sad to see the other with someone else so I gotta have them one at a time. Tops, who's a shy cutie who can make yummy foods. And Marwin, who is basically Jeff Satur just pumped with extra himboisms.

Todd from Not Me

All principles out the window. He's evil, he's sexy. I know exactly how much that specific hotel room costs to stay in for a night. It would be luxurious.

Rain from Love In The Air

I know most people would say Phayu, and for Boss, yeah I understand, I am all there. But something about the way that little guy can fuck kinda makes me dizzy, I'm owning that. He doesn't have to be smart, he's just gotta be given compliments. Plus, my bed sheets match!

VegasPete from KinnPorsche

They altered me chemically once and I'd let 'em do it a second time and many more after that.

Tagging @kissporsche @thisautistic @omegaphobe @shubaka @risu442 @khathastrophe @loveable-sea-lemon @fawndlyvenus @viva-yas-vegas @first-kanaphan @wherelanguage-ends @xxatlasxx @adanima @snake-and-mouse @scarefox @scattered-stardust @callipigio @sparklyeyedhimbo @jdotsodomite @futureexmrsmalcolm @suzteel @jeffsatyr @coconuts-mafia

#I really come across like i'm really into threesomes here for being such an asexual virgin #and what of it #maybe i'll get into that #i'm capable of whatever i want #this was really fun #i hit a lot of bases i think

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Andrew Ford was questioned and fetishized when he came out as bisexual. The gay community insisted he wasn’t being honest with himself; women at clubs started to excitedly fantasize about hooking up with two guys at the same time.

All the while, the soccer standout stayed true to himself. Ford came out his freshman year at Malone University, a small Christian liberal arts college in Canton, Ohio — home of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. His friends and teammates were accepting, which was an incredible relief. But his journey into the LGBTQ community was a little more rocky.

“I got a lot of pressure from the gay community,” Ford told me recently on the phone. “I felt like I was misunderstood, and didn’t know who I was.”

Ford is one of an increasing number of openly bisexual college-aged athletes whom we’ve profiled recently on Outsports. Despite some surveys showing more Americans identify as bisexual than either gay or lesbian, there is a dearth of bi visibility in pop culture and sports.

As bi sportswriter Jeff Rueter challenged me: “name a bisexual man, and don’t say Frank Ocean.”

These kick-ass kids are going to change that.

Biphobia is real

Let’s start here: Biphobia is real. It manifests itself in gestures as seemingly fleeting as dismissive jokes, and actions as harrowing as outright physical violence. Bisexual people typically suffer significantly higher rates of depression and anxiety, domestic violence, sexual assault, and poverty than lesbians, gay men, or straight cisgender people, according to the Human Rights Campaign.

A black-and-white society, most of us grow up with the notion people are either straight or gay. Those attitudes have historically prevailed in the LGBTQ community, too.

Alex Keuroghlian, the Director of the National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center at the Fenway Institute, says bisexual people can be looked at skeptically.

“Within LGBTQIA+ communities, there has historically been a stigma toward bisexual people, and the false notion that they’re really gay and lesbian people who haven’t accepted that about themselves,” he said.

Megan Duthart, a rower at Washington State University who identifies as both bi and queer, has experienced the stigma first-hand. She says she thinks bisexual people are often excluded in the LGBTQ community.

“I’ve struggled a little bit with being identified as an ‘other’ in the community with the term ‘bisexuality,’” she said.

Why are bi people targeted for erasure?

More people are identifying as bisexual. Over three percent of U.S. adults say they’re bi, according to the 2018 General Social Survey. That’s three times the number as 2008.

And yet, bi people are still targeted for erasure. One of the ways it happens is through language. When people see same-sex couples, for example, they may be inclined to label them as “gay” or “lesbian,” without considering that one or both of the people could identity as bi.

While Americans’ attitudes about sexuality are evolving, many still adhere to more binary definitions of sexual orientation. A recent YouGov poll found 41 percent of American adults don’t think sexuality is a spectrum (conversely, 37 percent think it is).

As Ford puts it, bisexuality is stereotypically viewed as “the stepping stone stage.” That ties into one of the more insidious aspects of bi-erasure: the belief that it’s just a phase. It’s a line Ford recalls hearing many times, from both men and women.

“(Gay men) said, ‘I came out as bisexual first. It’s just a phase, you won’t be there long,’” Ford said. “I was also scared how women would think about it. They wanted to change me. Some of them wanted to use it as a thrill they were seeking.”

When professional hockey player Zach Sullivan came out as bi, his father told him it meant he was still making up his mind.

“I remember what my dad said when I told him,” Sullivan said. “‘Well, you aren’t all the way there. You haven’t really decided.’ I was like, ‘no, I know I’m attracted to both genders. I’m not halfway towards coming out as gay.’”

The bi burden

Every LGBTQ person can relate to the fear and anxiety of coming out. But for most of us, once we do it, it’s over.

That’s not the case for bi people.

“We have to keep coming out to our significant others, whether it’s a man or a woman,” Ford said. “If you’re gay and you start dating a gay, you’re not going to be like, ‘I have to tell you something: I’m gay.’ They’re going to be like, ‘no shit.’”

And once bi people do come out, they could get charged with being greedy — the sexual equivalent of having their cake and eating it, too. The insult angers Sullivan.

“The majority of people in the LGBT+ community have struggled with their sexuality, and when they finally become comfortable enough to come out in the open with their sexuality, I don’t think the first thing to say to someone who’s come out as bisexual is they’re greedy,” Sullivan said. “I took over 10 years to get to where I am.”

Duthart finds the concept of bisexuality can be difficult to explain. She largely identifies as queer.

“I’ve had coaches question whether I’m rebelling or going through a phase,” she said. “Then when I explain the whole queer aspect, they’re like, ‘Oh, OK. That seems more justified.’ I don’t want to have to justify those things, but I sort of have to.”

Changing attitudes

Jack Storrs came out as bisexual last year as a college football captain. His teammates at Pomona-Pitzer rallied around him, and wore Pride decals on their helmets.

But even some who were supportive suggested he was on his way to identifying as gay. Storrs said he couldn’t hide his feelings for men anymore, and came out because he wanted to explore.

Maybe he was gay, maybe he wasn’t. The questions didn't bother him. He was a relieved to have the dialogue.

“It was killing me on the inside,” Storrs said. “It got to the point where I was like, ‘screw it.’ This is who I am, and this was meant to be.”

Nowadays, Storrs says he’s more towards the “gay end of the spectrum,” and expects the fluidity to continue.

He’s cool with that, and numbers show his peers are, too. Generation Z is among the most progressive and diverse in U.S. history. A 2018 study from Ipsos Mori shows only 66 percent of young people today identify exclusively as heterosexual.

Young people have a better understanding of how sexuality can evolve, says Keuroghlian.

“There’s been less of a reflex to box people in, and categorize people in ways that could be static,” he said. “A key part of all of this is not projecting behavior or projecting attraction. People tell us — they self-identify that’s who they are. And we have to honor that.”

Visibility challenges misperceptions

But to get back to Rueter’s question: can you name a famous out bisexual person besides Frank Ocean?

It’s challenging, and the lack of bi visibility may be one of the biggest contributors towards bi-erasure. But that is changing. Each person who comes out as bisexual has the ability to change perceptions within their own communities — and many young athletes are.

Bri Tollie, a bisexual college basketball player at Southern Methodist University, wrote in her coming-out story she refuses to conform.

“It is important to be visible because everyone is unique,” she wrote. “Our uniqueness means no one should not have to give up a part of themselves to conform. It is called self-respect.”

Growing up, Storrs tried to shut off his attraction to guys. He told himself it wasn’t a big deal, but the angst became all-encompassing.

Storrs is done hiding any part of himself. He did that for far too long, and is now out for all to see.

“I am bisexual, and my point is, I don’t really give a shit what anybody else thinks,” Storrs said. “This is who I am, and I don’t have to figure it out, but the reason I’m coming out is to figure it out, or at least get to a point where I’m comfortable.”

With their stories, these young bi athletes are making it more comfortable for bi people every single day.

#bisexuality #lgbtq community #bi #lgbtq #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #lgbtq pride #bi tumblr #pride #bi pride #bisexual athlete #athletes #sports #bisexual #bisexual community #bisexual education #bisexual nation #bi visibility #bi erasure #bisexual erasure #bisexual injustice #biphobic gay people #biphopia #biphobic #bisexual pride

[dramaqueeenamby]

Waves: The Dinner

A/N: Not a single soul asked for this, but I couldn’t shake the idea, so here we are. Let me know if you like Waves content where the twins are older or naw.

Words: 3.5K

Warnings: None

TAGS: @babe-im-bi @notacamelthatsmywife @missyperle @queenoftheworldisdead @tashawar​ @valkryienymph​ @letsshamelessqueen-m​ @liquorlaughslove​ @lettytheletdown​ @hello-therree​ @missdforever​ @mani-lifes​ @toni9​ @koko-michelle

Waves

“You ask him.”

“Me?”

“No. Doggy. Yes, you, dummy.”

Elysha ignored the insult and settled for her initial follow-up question. “Why me?”

“Because he likes you better.”

“Bullshit,” she scoffed, reaching to steal one of Emmett’s pretzels. She scowled, however, when he snatched it from her and swallowed it whole. “Creep.”

“Lee, you know the rules.” The twins neglected to hide their surprise when Christopher sauntered into the kitchen, a faux stern expression on his face. “No bullying each other when the other person can hear it.” 

While Elysha smirked, Emmett rolled his eyes and muttered, “told you.”

Christopher chuckled and walked to the fridge, leaning over to pull out the pack of meat he’d pulled from the freezer the night before. “So, I take it you don’t want us to go to the dealership this weekend, eh?”

As Emmett’s eyes lit up with excitement, Elysha groaned and crossed her arms. “Papa, that’s not fair. Why is it he gets a new car and I don’t?”

“Because your brother held up his end of the bargain, while you, my beautiful little girl, did not,” Christopher reminded, handing the meat to Emmett who placed it on the counter and waited for his dad to reach him the rest of the ingredients. He checked the time on his Apple watch and mentally cursed. Damn, it was already time for dinner.

Elysha was seconds away from pouting and stomping. “Papa, I saved up money, too.”

“Yes, you did,” Christopher agreed, closing the fridge with a bottle of beer in one hand. “And you spent it all on a pair of boots.”

“But they were Gucci!”

“Good luck driving Gucci to school next week.”

“Shut up, Emmett!”

“What did I just say about bullying?” Christopher lectured as he instructed Emmett to hand him the stainless steel skillet. “Not when the other person can hear it.” A beat. “And you’ll be driving your sister to school, mate, so don’t be too smug.”

Elysha rolled her eyes and caught the way Emmett nodded his head in their father’s direction, eyes widening to convey the unspoken but urgent message.

Do it now!

Clearing her throat, she sauntered over to the counter where her father was starting to prep, hopping up, and earning a sideway glance.

“You’re lucky your mom’s not here,” he murmured, failing to tell her to get down. “Alright, what is it and how much is it gonna cost me?”

She shrugged casually. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Christopher wasn’t even trying to hide his disbelief. “Elysha, do I need to call our lawyer?”

“Papa,” she interjected with the sweetest smile that she could muster. “Emmett and I were wondering, if, well-” She took a deep breath while playing with her fingers. “We want to invite two people over for dinner.”

Christopher looked over at the meat. “How much do you think they’ll eat?”

“Not tonight,” Emmett interjected. “Maybe this Friday?” He took a deep breath, scratching the back of his neck. “And it’s not just any two people, dad. It’s….the two people we’re talking to.”

Deep down, Christopher knew what his kids were trying to tell, err, ask him. However, if he wasn’t anything else, he was stubborn and could play the hell out of the obtuse role. “Jesus, all the people you have in my house for parties and you mean to tell me you two only talk to two of them?”

“No, papa, he means talking to, as if, ya know, dating.” A beat. “And mama said this is her house, you’re just a renter.”

“What? When did she say--never mind.” He could come back to that. One problem at a time. “So, why invite them over for dinner? Why not just throw another party you think your mother and me won’t find out about?”

Emmett ignored the sly remark about the parties. His dad was right. “Because we actually want you guys to meet them.”

Christopher carried the bowl over to the sink, turning on the faucet. “Is that so?” He saw the kids nod out the corner of his eye and asked, “have you asked your mother about this?”

“Not yet,” Elysha answered. “We figured we’d ask you first since you actually do all the cooking.”

“And because we were also hoping you could ask her for us.

“See, push long enough, and the truth always comes out from you two.” As the twins exchanged nonverbal communication, Christopher pondered their question. In the long line of expensive and wild things his kids had requested over the years, this was relatively tame, and it would cost nothing. Nothing monetary, at least. “Fine. Friday at 5. I’ll talk to your mother.”

“Seriously?” Elysha didn’t want to give him time to rethink his answer. Hopping off the counter, she gave him a tight side hug. “Thank you, papa. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled dismissively, seconds before Elysha buzzed out of the kitchen to call Jason and tell him that they were on.

“Thank you, dad.” Emmett kept it brief, squeezing his dad’s shoulders while sliding his phone out his pocket to see if Madi could Facetime when Christopher called out.

“Where are you going, mate? It’s your night to help me fix dinner.”

“But--”

“Unless you want to switch shifts with your sister, so you clean and she helps.”

He could have put up a fight, but considering Christopher had already agreed to both the dinner and talking to Summer for them, Emmett realized he had to pick his battles.

“What do you need me to do?”

------

“What are they even doing dating in the first place? They should be focused on school.”

“Babe, they’re straight A Honor Roll students.”

“Well, then, their sports.”

Summer sighed, securing the silk scarf around her edges. “Both are captains.”

“Work with me here, Elsa.”

She looked at him through her vanity mirror, eyebrow raised. “You want my help?” Standing up, she sauntered over to her husband, placing her arms around his waist. “Let it go, Kristoff.”

“Summer, our children are in the middle of a teenlife crisis. This is no time for games.”

She rolled her eyes and pushed him away, going to remove the decorative pillows from their bed. “Most parents would kill to have their kids let them know who they’re dating--”

“They’re not dating them. They’re talking.”

“--Our kids are inviting them over just so they can meet us, and you’re upset?” Hearing it aloud made her laugh. “Baby, people are dying. Find something else to grow gray hairs over.”

Christopher paused, watching her peel back her side of the blankets and climb in. “That’s low, swimming pool. Even for you.” A beat. “Maybe they’re being blackmailed.”

Summer sighed as he finally joined her in bed. She moved her body across the mattress, pressing herself into his side as he wrapped his arms around her. “You need a hobby.”

“How can I enjoy life when my children are suffering?”

“Oh my god.” Summer sat up in the bed and forced him on his back, climbing on top of him, hands restricting his wrist. “Christopher, the kids are alright. You, however, I am starting to worry about.” Any trace of humor depleted as she frowned while caressing his cheek, fingers playing with the hair of his beard. Scruffy Christopher was always her favorite. “Our babies are growing up, babe. We can’t stop it, no matter how much we may want to. We just have to be there for them, be supportive of them, so long as they’re not hurting themselves or anybody.” She moved her index finger to his mouth to silence him. “You will be fine, sir.”

He sighed, gently moving her hands up and down her sides. “How can you be so calm about this?”

“Oh, I’m imploding on the inside,” she admitted casually, lowering herself so her lips grazed his. “But, I’m also an EGOT winner, baby.” She moved her mouth to his ear, giving a slight tug with her teeth. “I can fake anything.”

Summer yelped when he switched so that his body was over his. “Not anything.”

------

“This is a bad idea. A terrible idea.”

Emmett looked over at Madi who was currently looking into her compact mirror, applying another unnecessary layer of mascara. She caught him looking and motioned to the road. “Focus.”

Emmett rolled his eyes and reached over, placing a hand on her lap. “Would you relax? They’re going to love you.”

“That’s easy for you to say. They’re your parents.” She leaned her head against the car window, mindful of her bun. It wasn’t easy fighting box braids in a bun, and she surely did not have time to do a redo. “You don’t get it. Your parents are….you freaking mom is….she’s my idol. She’s every little black girl’s idol, and now I’m just supposed to walk up to her, extend my hand, and say, ‘Hi, Mrs. Hemsworth. I worship you. Also, I’m dating your son.”

Emmett shrugged. “Sounds good to me.” Madi reached over and shrugged him when Emmett grabbed her hand and brought it to her mouth. “I promise it’s going to be fine.”

She sighed, leaning back and looking at him while she gently asked. “How do you do that?”

He chuckled. “Do what?”

“Make me feel better so easily.”

Emmett smiled and winked. “I got my daddy’s charm.”

Madi smirked and lowered the armrest. “You also have his car.”

Emmett sucked his teeth. “I’m getting mine soon.” She laughed. “I’m serious.”

“I’m sure you are, baby. I’m sure you are.”

------

“Are you insane, Elysha?”

She sighed, switching out her textbooks. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Jason’s eyes nearly doubled in size as he stared down at her. “Your dad is going to kill me. That’s the big deal.” Elysha laughed, checking the time on her watch. Being late for class was a pet peeve of hers. There was no excuse. “Oh, I’m glad you find my upcoming murder funny. Why don’t you just livestream it, too?”

“You are completely overreacting,” she sighed, shutting her locker and keeping her hand flat on the locker. “My dad isn’t like that. He’s super chill.”

“Chill?” He repeated her term while accepting the books she handed him so that she could adjust her uniform top. “I’m sorry, but have you seen your dad? He’s freaking huge.”

Sighing, she relieved him from the books after being satisfied with her tie. “Okay, and?”

As she began to walk, Jason kept the same pace with her, lowering his voice so that the other students couldn’t overhear. “Wait, are your uncles going to be there too? Fuck. I’m so screwed.”

While she understood his concern, she couldn’t help but find the whole thing humorous. Everyone seemed to believe her dad’s size meant he was a holy terror when it was the complete opposite. “Jason, my uncles are even more chill than my dad. Trust me.”

“On your mom’s side too?”

She laughed. “Oh no, they’re all crazy.” Elysha placed her arm around his waist when he moved his around her. “No, I promise my parents are going to love you, and that includes my dad.”

“I’m the first guy you’ve ever introduced to them, huh?” Her silence didn’t help. “Even better.”

She stopped walking, forcing him to do the same. Naturally, people walked around them, no one wanting to interrupt one of the “it” couples on campus. “Look, Jason, if you don’t want to do this, then you don’t have to. I just-I just wanted you to meet my parents, because I want them to know about you.”

“Stop,” he interrupted, shaking his head and cupping her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I just, I really like you, and I just-I want to make the best first impression that I can.” He dropped his hands, taking hers in his. “I want them to know how crazy I am about their daughter.”

She smiled, looking down to hide her bashfulness, only for him to bring his finger under her chin. He matched her smile. “What time do you want me to be there?”

------

“They’re here!”

Summer and Christopher shared a look, his sigh of exasperation forcing her to walk over to him, placing her hands on his chest. “Be nice.”

“I’m letting them in my house, aren’t I?” Summer slapped his arm, forcing him to relent. “Fine. I’ll be fair. For now.”

“There will be no embarrassing stories or threats of violence issued, do I make myself clear?” Summer wagged her finger and turned away, purposely switching her hips, hiding her smirk when her husband slapped her ass and whistled.

“Mama! Papa!”

“Coming,” Summer called out, speeding up her pace as she made her way out the study and down the hall, allowing a kind smile to grace her face as she was met with her children and their friends.

Elysha was the first to speak, clearing her throat. “Mama, this is--”

“Jason,” she guessed, withholding her laugh when Elysha seemed surprised, while Summer pointed to the tall young man with striking green eyes and dark brown hair that grazed past his ears. Strangely enough, he reminded her of Christopher in some of the family albums she’d been shown during one of the many family dinners with her in-laws.

“I told you I have eyes in the back of my head.” Jason gave a nervous laugh that prompted her to take it easy on him. He seemed terrified.

Finally, he spoke, giving a weak clearing of his throat.. “Yes ma’am. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Elysha cleared her throat, reminding him about the flowers in his hands. “I’m sorry. These are for you.”

“Thank you.” Her smile widened as she sniffed them. “Gardenias. One of my favorites.”

He seemed relieved by that information, prompting her to turn to the young wide eyed girl who also looked as though she was close to passing out.

Emmett took advantage of the opportunity to introduce Madi. Summer smirked when she saw he had his hand on the small of the young lady’s back. “And mama, this is-”

“Madi.” Again, Summer was correct and almost offended by the surprise on their faces. “Do ya’ll not believe me when I tell you that I know everything?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “It’s so nice to meet you as well--”

“--Madi.”

“--I love you.”

They spoke at the same time. Summer laughed and placed her hand on Madi’s shoulder who was clearly mortified by her unintentional confession.

“I mean--I don’t--I mean, I do, but….” Madi shut her eyes and quietly murmured, “I’ll just shut up now.”

Summer shook her head, never once dropping her friendly smile.

“You both need to relax. I promise you have nothing to be nervous about.” She nodded in the direction of the dining room. “Come on.” Summer guided the four to the room, stepping aside to allow them to enter while she turned around to direct them to their seats when Christopher finally decided to make his presence known.

“Sorry about that.” He rubbed his hands on the towel in his hands before tossing it over his shoulder. He approached Madi first. “Madison?”

She was clearly awestruck, eventually shaking her head to accept her handshake. “Please, call me Madi, Mr. Hemsworth. It’s so nice to meet you.”

He waved her off and smiled. “Chris is fine.” That smile dimmed when his eyes landed on Jason. “Hello.”

Elysha grabbed his hand, giving a light squeeze. “Papa, this is Jason.”

“Nice to meet you, Jason,” Christopher forced, squeezing Jason’s hand tighter than necessary but just enough to get his message across. “You play any sports, mate?”

“No. I mean, yes--basketball.” He swallowed deeply, remembering something else. “I also surf as well, Chris.”

“Mr. Hemsworth will be fine,” he corrected.

Summer rolled her eyes and shoved him. “Pay him no mind. Ya’ll sit down and make yourselves comfortable.”

“I’m sure you already have, though.” Christopher joked, earning a glare from Summer. “Come on, babe. No one throws a party like the twins.” A beat. “Speaking of, I’d say we could give you a tour, but I’m sure you both already know your way around.”

“Ignore him,” Summer interjected, shooting him a glare. “He’s still upset that you kids are able to throw a party better than we ever could when we were your age.”

That seemed to alleviate more of Jason’s nerves. “You used to party, Mrs. Hemsworth?”

“Boy,” she laughed. “If you don’t call me Summer.” Elysha smiled up at him, giving him a slight squeeze of his hand. “And what do you mean used to?”

Madi was also fully invested in the conversation, her fangirling almost impossible to contain. “You really are even nicer in person.”

“Don’t be fooled. It’s all an act.” Christopher interjected, walking over to pull the chair out for her. He noticed how Jason did the same for Elysha, and of course, Emmett with Madi.

“Ignore him. He’s actually hired help.”

Summer and Christopher shared a look as he rolled his eyes while murmuring. “Cute.” Sitting in his own seat, he jumped into the questions. “So, kids, tell us about yourselves.”

Madi and Jason shared a look when he told her to go first. Again, something else Christopher noticed.

“Well, I’m a junior, an only child, and my dad is in the Navy--”

“So, your family is stationed here?” Summer surmised.

“Yes ma’am.” Christopher and Summer exchanged a look, but unlike the previous ones, this was not a warning from wife to husband. This one was of silent concern. Madi wasn’t an Australian native. She would eventually return to the states. Both mother and father quietly wondered if that was something Emmett was taking into consideration.

After briefly discussing the shared commonalities of having active duty family members, Christopher turned the question back to Jason. “And what about you, young man?”

Summer contained her sigh at the way his eyes widened before he tentatively spoke. “Well, sir--”

“Chris is fine.”

Both Summer and Elysha looked over at that last statement, Summer with a smirk and Elysha with a small smile. Chris looked at his daughter and shot her a wink.

Jason, to Summer’s happiness, seemed thrilled by the stripping of the formal address.

“I, well, my family is originally from Melbourne--”

“Melbourne native, eh?”

“Yes, sir. My, uh, dad got a job up here when I was eight, and we’ve been here ever since.”

“Any siblings?”

Jason chuckled. “Believe it or not, two. I’m the middle child.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Christopher shrugged. “I’d say we’re the best.”

“Elysha and Madi.” Summer stood up and nodded to the kitchen. “Help me prepare the toss salad.”

“Yes ma’am.” Elysha also stood up and shot a reassuring look to Jason while Emmett gave one to Madi as well. As soon as the ladies were in the kitchen and the swinging doors shut, Summer released a sigh of relief. “Finally, that was too much testosterone.”

Madi laughed. “You and Mr--Chris are really nice, Summer.”

Elysha nodded and playfully bumped Madi with her hip. “Told you they were chill. Even my dad is being surprisingly nice to Jason.”

“Ladies, trust me, if Chris didn’t really like either of you, he would let you know. He’s just giving Jason a hard time because Elysha is his little girl. He’s always going to be protective.” She reached the bowl to Madi while speaking. “Just how I’m protective of my little boy.” Madi’s smile dimmed. “So you can imagine how proud I am to see his amazing taste in women.” She winked and laughed when Madi placed her hand over her chest.

She straightened up and spoke truthfully. “I really do like Emmett, Summer. He’s….he’s amazing.”

“He’s a jerk.”

“Shut it, Elysha,” Summer warned with a small head shake. “You know, Madi, you should join Lee and me on one of our spa days.”

Her jaw dropped. “A-are you serious?” She looked at Elysha who seemed just as thrilled by the idea of a spa day with her mom and good friend.

“Of course, and Emmett told me you’re in theater with Lee, so if you ever need any advice or have any questions, I’m always available.”

“I’m going to pass out.”

Summer laughed and gave Madi a side hug. “Welcome to the family, Ms. Madi.”

Just as Elysha and Madi shared excited squeals, Emmett stuck his head in the door.

“Mama, ya’ll almost done?”

“Boy, don’t rush us.”

He lifted his hands in surrender. “Sorry, mama, it’s just that Uncle Liam is here--”

“What?” She interrupted, hand on her hip. “What the hell is he doing here?”

“I don’t know, but dad just asked Jason how he feels about weekly, random drug tests.”

“Christopher!”

#chris hemsworth #chris hemsworth fanfiction #chris hemsworth fanfic #chris hemsworth x black!reader #chris hemsworth x reader #chris hemsworth x black!oc #fic: waves

[weekend-conspiracy-theorist]

Watched the new Bond movie! I enjoyed it. The rest of this will be spoilers and also I'm posting from mobile so I can't read more, so just... scroll fast if you don't want to see anything

***

I liked Madeline (Madelyn?) a lot more in this movie than Spectre; she felt like more of an actual character than "here's who we think the perfect woman for Bond would be", which is funny since I think she may have actually had less total screentime? and the flashback scene that opened the movie had already been described in Spectre, but it felt much more relevant and impactful on her actions (and not just because it was, y'know, a significant plot development) in the present day scenes, and her motivations were altogether much more tangible throughout this one... I mean, obviously not to degrade a trauma narrative when it's successful, but Spectre simply was a bad movie where all of the characters were very flat, and she suffered most for it being her first introduction.

I thought No Time to Die was also, overall, a very fitting send off for Craig's Bond. Lashanna Lynch's 007 was compelling and fun-- she truly earned the moniker, and while obvs she didn't NEED Bond's approval, it was nice to see her get it; it WAS nonetheless fitting that she handed it back for the last mission, although I was annoyed they never established what 00 designation Bond was using beforehand (or that, presumably, she was using afterwards). With Madeline being more compelling in this one, the romance between her and Bond was as well, so I liked that Bond got that... closure, I suppose, even if it was so very bittersweet when things fell apart the way they did.

(Although I didn't buy the idea that Heracles was truly permanent and a solution to destroying the nanobots couldn't be found. I mean... c'mon. Why didn't his EMP work, for one thing? but whatever. I did see his death coming a mile away and also kind of appreciated it, so I won't quibble too hard. If for nothing else, Craig finally got to say a true goodbye to a character he hated playing 😂)

I liked that Bond's friendships were upheld-- Felix Leiter being the one man Bond evidently told how to find him (as it seemed at least to me that Naomi had followed Felix and thereby found Bond, not that MI6 knew where he was), Moneypenny and Q continuing to side with him over M, and even the first moment with him and Tanner was kind of cute.

(Tangential sidenote: Thanks for confirming Q is gay (or at least dating a dude, he could be bi); it would have been nice for it to be more than a passing line, but tbf it got about the same level of attention as Moneypenny's bf in Spectre. There's just not much room for secondary character's outside lives in these. And Q's an established and beloved character already, which makes it easier to swallow. I know it's going to be #controversial that they so thoroughly skewered 00Q despite both of them being canonically not-straight (well... a controversial take on my own part this time, but I think it's arguable whether or not Bond was bluffing to Silva in that scene in Skyfall, so arguably canon, anyway), and believe me, I have read a ton of 00Q fic and even written some that never quite saw the light of day. But I'm also begging anybody whose first instinct is ANGER to take a deep breath and look at the character arcs and admit that across all 5 Craig movies Bond's was pretty good.)

I am pissed about what happened to Felix, though; he's a great character in the novels and this version of him from Craig's movies has been superb. I would have liked to have seen him potentially stick around as Felix for whoever does the next Bond. Ana de Armas's CIA agent's name escapes me, but she was fun. Maybe she, at least, will stick around to be a CIA contact down the line-- assuming they keep any characters consistent, which I suppose is questionable. It's how they did it with previous M and Q's, maintaining those actors/actresses when possible despite reboots of Bond, but who the hell knows, I guess.

With both Armas's character and Lynch's Naomi (or was it Nomi? I'm so bad with character names), Craig's Bond did his grinny little "so delighted these new people are competent and interesting" thing that he did with Moneypenny and Q in Skyfall (and sort of Madeline in Spectre? but he was just so horny in that scene, idk), and I love that. Which also, notably, he didn't do with Ash (?); shoulda known the guy would turn out to be evil rather than incompetent.

I think Mallory's M was the most undercut by this movie; their mid-movie explanation of his motives re: Heracles made it... better, and I did like the callback to his words to C from Spectre, but it still didn't fully compute since like... if you can't even name your villains, how are you supposed to come up with their DNA? Bad plan, and quite obviously way too easily turned against... everyone. I also didn't care for how insistent they seemed to be through both Spectre and No Time to Die that Bond and M should just never get along, when Skyfall really did set things up for a whole new cooperative set of secondary characters.

Altogether, though, I thought it was a good movie, enjoyable to watch, and capped off the throughline of Craig's movies quite nicely. I was quite content with it.

#no time to die spoilers #bond spoilers #hate tagging spoilers because then it shows up in tags and people putside of my sphere see it but I also don't wanba be a dick so 🤷‍♀️ #00Q is a wonderful ship esp. post-skyfall and diverging from there #and I personally have always and will always adore the 00qpenny ot3 but like #please take off the shipping goggles and think critically #liking two characters' chemistry doesn't make anything that doesn't put them together a bad story

[petersasteria]

70s to 80s Prompt List

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!

My favorite movies in which the prompts are from (in order of the prompts): Kramer vs Kramer, When Harry Met Sally, The Breakfast Club, Twins, Sixteen Candles, Annie, Chances Are, Dead Poets Society, and Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

“Some things, once they are done, can’t be undone.”

“My wife used to always tell me: ‘why can’t a woman have the same ambitions as a man?’.”

“What law is it that says a woman is a better parent simply by virtue of her sex? You know a lot of times, think about it. What is it that makes somebody a good parent? And I don’t know where it is written that says a woman has a corner on that market; that a man has any less emotions than a woman does?”

“I’m not a perfect parent. I don’t have enough patience. I forget he’s just a little kid, but then I get up in the morning and we eat breakfast, and he talks to me, and we go to school, and at night we eat dinner together, and we talk, and then I read to him. And we built a life together and we love each other. If you destroy that, it may be irreparable.”

“I hate you!” “And I hate you back, you little shit!”

“I came home to share with my wife one of the five best days of my life and she tells me that she doesn’t want to live with me anymore! Do you know what she’s done?” “Yes, she loused up one of the five best days of your life.”

“Will she pick me up after school?” “Probably, and if she doesn’t, I will.” “What if you forget?” “I won’t forget.” “What if you get run over by a truck and get killed?” “Then mommy will pick you up.”

“A woman friend. This is amazing. You may be the first attractive woman I have not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.”

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

“I hate it. I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.”

“You ought to spend a little more trying to do something with yourself and a little less trying to impress people.”

“My god, are we gonna be like our parents?”

“We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it; that’s all.”

“When you grow up, your heart dies.”

“Screws fall out all the time. The world’s an imperfect place.”

“You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.” “No, I could never fight for money.” “Well that’s fine. You fight, I’ll keep the money.”

“Yeah, tell your brother that if he messes with me, he messes with my whole family!”

“Don’t be a smartass.” “Okay, I’ll be a dumbass.”

“I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation.”

“Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It’s bad for your complexion.”

“I can’t believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.”

“I’m a businessman. I love money, I love power, I love capitalism. I do not and never will love children.” “You love money and power and capitalism? You know, they’re never gonna love you back.”

“My psychiatrist says I suffer from the halo effect, the tendency of widows to idealize their dead husbands. He says it keeps me from falling in love again. He has a point, but I can’t imagine I’ll ever stop loving Louie.”

“We’re all connected. It’s all connected under the skin. You never know who’s lurking in what body. Your wife could be your grandmother. You meet some guy who gets on your nerves, probably your mother-in-law. We keep meeting souls we’re attached to. For better or worse, life after life.”

“Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary!”

“You must strive to find your own voice because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are going to find it at all.”

“For the first time in my whole life, I know what I wanna do! And for the first time, I’m gonna do it! Whether my father wants me to or not!”

“No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”

“I woke up in such a great mood today. I don’t know what happened.”

“I just couldn’t make it on time.” “You couldn’t or you wouldn’t?”

“Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?” “Learning about Cuba and having some food.”

“My brother’s gonna kill us! He’s gonna kill us! He’s gonna kill you and he’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna kill us!” “Hey man, just be glad I had fast reflexes.” “My brother’s gonna shit!” “Make up your mind, dude. Is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?”

“Are you in my class?” “I am today.”

“You dick!”

“You’re on dangerous ground here. You’re causing a major disturbance on my time.” “I’ve been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I’m here and you’re here, doesn’t that make it our time? Certainly, there’s nothing wrong with a little feast on our time.”

“We were messing around and something happened.” “What do you mean something happened?”

“Look, I never even talked to her again.”

“I finally figured it out. I don’t want sex. Anyone can have sex.” “Yeah, ___? What do you want?” “I want a relationship. I want romance.”

“Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I’m tellin’ ya, ___, if this girl can’t smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?”

𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @blueleatherbag @cocoamoonmalfoy @thatforgottenangel @parkerpeter24 @turtoix @slutforsr @givebuckyhisplumsnow @runawayolives @hollandsrecs @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @juliediggory @rumplebutterbaby @dummiesshort @thevelvetseries @buckymylove @moonlight-onyx @bora-world @supred12 @more-like-reyna @caitsymichelle13 @aayaissaa @wannabemobwife @sunwardsss @bigassnocash @repostcentral

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @alinastarkrovs @celestialholland @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg @emmastarz @moonchild-s-blog @itszulli

#k's movie monday: 70s to 80s #k's movie mondays #k's works #petersasteria #prompts

[jcmorrigan]

001 - Kingdom Hearts

Favorite character: On the villain side: VEXEN IS BEST ORGANIZATION XIII MEMBER. Shoulda stayed evil, though. I like it when he complains and screams about everything and hates everyone. He's one of my favorite villains, just, like...in general. So fun to write. Also attached to Demyx, but I actually liked him more in III than II because it reminded me of my rawr lolspeek weeb days when I f/o'd him without knowing what f/o'ing was and then transitioned this to shipping VexDem like heck. On the hero side: MY GIRL KAIRI! But honorable mentions go to Sora, Riku, Aqua, Ven, Terra, Xion, Roxas, Lea, Ienzo, any Disney character I loved beforehand (this is way too fuckin many to list), Merlin (OKAY I WILL SINGLE HIM OUT), Yen Sid (I'LL SINGLE HIM OUT TOO), you know what let's also single out the Mickey+Donald+Goofy power trio...just...any KH hero who isn't part of the Yozora stuff or the KHUX stuff. ...Except I also LOVE Strelitzia, and she is the only KHUX-exclusive kiddo I care about but I care about her MANY. (Oh, and there's a least fave I have who's a "hero" but that's a debatable label). I would go on about why I love all of them but...that's too many characters to elaborate on

Least Favorite character: See, I think the real answer is Yozora, but the thing is I just tend to forget about him or not care (unless I'm doing a weird AU where he's Noctis' bratty Nobody, don't ask). He kinda represents the Shark Jump and I don't like watching that scene where he literally petrifies Sora for not being strong enough. But again, I can just kinda forget about him if he's not fed to me through a social-media unit. The one I LOVE TO HATE is Master Eraqus. The man actually triggered me back in the day. He is purity culture. He is the overbearing parent who will not accept you unless you are perfect. He is by and large the reason VAT didn't communicate with each other properly. He was the one who taught Aqua to think in absolutes. He lied to Ventus for years and then insisted to kill him was the only option, and then, when Terra tried to defend his brother figure/friend without knowing WHY Eraqus was doing such a thing, Eraqus didn't offer an explanation and instead switched targets to Terra citing that the problem was Terra's lack of OBEDIENCE. Eraqus is just very "my way or the highway" and uses his moral high horse to justify doing things that utterly lack compassion in any regard, which is something that GETS to me on a deep level, and let me tell you, I hated him for so long until I realized he was actually a super fuckin fun guy to imagine as a Bigger Bad in AUs that either have the KH protags teaming up or have villain protags needing a "greater good lawful evil" figure. And I just have found too many good memes about him cheating at chess and killing children. I have to laugh. Making fun of him is fun. He's a ridiculous character. That said, this recent trend of "erase everything bad he ever did and paint him as the ultimate hero of the saga" makes me raise eyebrows for SEVERAL reasons

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): VexDem, SoRiku, Kairi x Jaune Arc (RWBY), Aqua x Rosalina (Super Mario Galaxy) x Bayonetta, IsaLea, Ventus x Papyrus (Undertale), that was six but they all needed to be mentioned

Character I find most attractive: Ienzo. HOO BABY he is adorable. I saw someone make a Valentine's Day gifset of KH and FF characters shortly after III dropped and seeing his smiling face paired with a romance quote made my heart FLUTTER

Character I would marry: Probably Ienzo, see above. He's also a very kind guy. Favorite redemption in the modern era.

Character I would be best friends with: I hope the Destiny Trio would adopt me into their friend circle the way they've tended to do with every other inter-world denizen they've come across. I would love to have them as my positivity squad. Or, y'know, two positivities and one "it's okay to screw up" guy. Just. I would love to hang out with them. I often worry that I'm unlikable to my faves, but even though I would usually prefer to hang with the villains, I can pretty much guarantee these three would be open-minded about me. (Do I kiiiiinda wanna be friends with Vexen though? Of course I do. He'd hate me but maaaayyyyybe he would see me as one of his pet idiots who makes him look smarter, and we could bond over our fragile egos?)

a random thought: You ever think about that one NPC lady in Traverse Town who refused to tell you where she was from because it was none of her business? You ever wonder where she WAS from? What her world was like? How she ended up being the survivor of the Ansem Apocalypse when it hit her? All I know is that when I read her lines out loud (I used to read KH speech balloons out loud all the time), I gave her a Southern accent for no discernible reason and I stand by it. That woman has a twang.

An unpopular opinion: I don't want KHUX to be canon because I feel it's smaller-scale and takes a lot of mystery out of the worldbuilding. I always assume that the KHverse just includes ALL worlds in fiction, and that includes their thousand-year histories, meaning the Age of Fairy Tales should've happened long long long LONG LONG LONG ago and not five generations. And whatever screwed up the world should've been more than just five people having a fight, and whatever saved it should've been more than just five people getting along, and Daybreak Town really suffers from having to stick to mobile-friendly graphics and therefore is the least aesthetically attractive KH town ever, and I don't like that Lauriam and Elrena used to be such selfless people. I do still love Strelitzia because she's shy and relatable and quirky (sitting on the roof) and she questions authority and if you go with shipping subtext she's probably bi (or pan?), but I don't like the "Lauriam's dead sister for his arc's drama" bit. I liked when Marluxia was angry because he wanted to run Organization XIII but it was in the hands of an idiot who wasn't him. And more than anything I just like imagining that the Age of Fairy Tales was something bigger, further in the past, and more mysterious than something designed for a mobile game. Scala ad Caelum, however, I like a lot better because there IS a lot of mystery there and also it's a very pretty town with an amazing design.

my canon OTP: I really only count the Disney couples as the "canon" ones, so this is a question of picking my favorite Disney couple that shows up onscreen. I hope I'm not forgetting an important one, but I think the title has to go to Aladdin/Jasmine, which is always perfect in everything. (This would be an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY if KH had ever adapted Treasure Planet, and if it ever gets the mind to adapt Treasure Planet then even if I don't care about that game I will immediately declare that Amelia/Doppler takes the KH canon OTP crown. *taps watch* Get on it Squenix)

Non-canon OTP: SoRiku, which I counted as "basically canon" after DDD until III decided it wasn't sure. But I'm just a sucker for how DDD is the two of them all "HE'S GOT MY BACK AND I'VE GOT HIS AND I'D DO ANYTHING FOR HIM SO LONG AS HE'S HAPPY." It's just the best kind of Friends-to-Lovers, except when you take all canon into account it's Friends-to-Rivals-to-Enemies-to-Friends-to-Lovers and that's a very juicy dynamic. BUT ALSO: VexDem, which is a nostalgia ship SO STRONG I had to accept that it eclipsed my former Vexen ships by a mile and I wanted to go back to my roots. That one, I have a much longer essay about that I'll just have you refer to so I don't repeat myself for pages. To make a long story short, their scene in III was JUST DELICIOUS.

most badass character: OOF THEY'RE ALL BADASS but in the end it's between Sora and Aqua, because Sora gets the widest RANGE of abilities across the series that he masters while Aqua gets the most POWERFUL abilities due to her Mastery (Command Styles seem like they'd be the most OP things ever in-universe and I'm here for it because flashy battle moves make brain go brr).

pairing I am not a fan of: SOKAI, Xehaqus, RikuNami, Vanitas/anyone not evil

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): OH BOY. KAIRI THE MOST. YOU ALL KNOW WHY: lack of screen time, Fridging for drama, forced romance to invite death flags (they really wanted to milk that death to get people talking didn't they?), giving Alyson Stoner ZERO direction to actually follow up on Hayden Panettiere's performance. But then I remember that they made Vexen redeem and lose his entire personality and I just...uuugghhhh. I can't believe he died twice in this series. And then Demyx is FUN but also I know he's flipped sides as well, which means he won't be fun much longer! Xehanort seems to switch motivations to whatever makes him the biggest threat (and several of Eraqus' old flaws seem to be mysteriously glued onto him), Sora isn't a motormouth anymore, Riku just doesn't get anyone who cares about him anymore because everyone's distracted by Sora and Kairi, IS ANYBODY GOING TO ADDRESS THE ACTUAL ISSUES THAT DROVE THE WAYFINDER TRIO APART, oh God Marluxia and Larxene you're good guys now what have they done to you

favourite friendship: I really like each of the trios. But you know what's even BETTER than the trios? If you put...all of the trios together...meaning Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Aqua, Terra, Ven, Roxas, Xion, Lea, Hayner, Pence, Olette...and then you added Isa back in there...and you gave them Ienzo...and you brought back Naminé...and you say that Subject X is Strelitzia and you have her turn back up so she can have justice done...AND YOU HAVE AN ULTRA KEYBLADE GROUP OF FRIENDS. As for Vexen, any purely platonic relationship I have for him is a crossover but trust me I have many crossover pals for he

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: See everyone I listed above in the friendship question. They can either mentor me or let me be their big sis/mom. But also, I will GLADLY be Merlin or Yen Sid's daughter. (But also would I kiiiiinda wanna be a VexDem daughter? This is the worst idea. Still wanna try)

#kingdom hearts

[it-stheaulifeforme]

1-12 with Rex?

oh damn i’m FINALLY gonna get around to this. i have a much better idea of him thanks to how i’m writing him lately - i think many of these still stand from when i first had these ideas, so now i’m gonna make them a lot more visible

1. Their physical weak spots?

Though necks can already be sensitive, his neck is sensitive enough to the point that even remote amounts of pressure, especially the sides of it, can make him very uncomfortable, besides him considering it to be a big deal in terms of incredibly personal violation of his boundaries.

This makes asphyxiation one of the biggest things that render him the most vulnerable because a) he’s the least able to really do anything in this position, b) his particular sensitivity there means it’s more of the go to way to subdue him and c) because he has a slight weakness in his left shoulder due to being brought on by another injury (that can also render him kinda helpless for a few seconds), his upper body strength is not always at its best, and he has to be sure that his enemies don’t catch on quick enough to his heavy reliance on his legs to defend himself.

This is beside the point that since he’s so susceptible to being asphyxiated, it’s harder to do so when you’re more easily able to be rendered helpless or even unconscious - kicking upwards can be quite the difficulty at that point.

Bonus point: because of the vulnerability to his neck, it’s one of the go to points for torture - being both a violation of his personal boundaries and the fact that it’s sensitive enough to cause great discomfort. And he can’t do anything, having to just stand or sit there whilst this happens. His enemies are a particular fan of going up behind him and holding a knife to his neck and daring him to move which would involve getting cut.

2. Their emotional/moral weak spots?

I’ve spoken about this multiple times before, but if you threaten his friends, he’ll come running. He’s more liable to put himself in danger for the sake of those he cares about because he literally cares way more about them than he does himself. This is the main reason he finds it easier to distance himself because anyone associated with him is a target. He blames himself easily for this, and it’s fodder for his enemies who like to threaten and kidnap his friends just to get to him and then blame him for getting them involved which doesn’t remotely help his guilt.

Bringing up his parents or why he has an aversion to showing vulnerability also sets him off - just, don’t. Though that doesn’t stop his enemies from prying into his life for fun.

He’s frankly got more emotional weak spots since it troubles him to hurt or kill unnecessarily and that feeds into his guilt, but he has gone to the point where he has to be reined in by others because he can be fuelled by his anger when other options apart from actual attempts at murder don’t feel available to him.

He’s usually a nice, collected person but is definitely not the type to try and anger or break because he will go to these lengths once he’s had enough. He’s a very troubled individual who knows he doesn’t want to get to this point, but knows that if he does, he needs other people to remind him of his morality. Of course he tries to see the good in people and hates holding grudges, but some of the people he’s ended up encountering have really managed to push even his limits.

3. Scars or painful spots?

I actually have a whole storyline based on his enemies exploiting his physical weaknesses (this is before they realise they just can’t get anything out of him when they’re specifically torturing him - although it doesn’t stop them from finding a thrill in doing so, because which of his enemies wouldn’t get enjoyment out of physically hurting the top agent on their radar) such as these.

He does have quite a few scars, if faded (some burns on his arms that have left a few small areas pink); notable areas are a scar on the right side of his head from being thrown against a wall, a particularly long scar that’s long since healed down the left side of his neck that curls down around his face when an enemy decided to put a knife there, just not enough to actually kill him and a quite nasty one down his left leg when a knife was trailed considerably painfully down it. His arms have also been fair game, more often than not, too.

Considering his job, he’s acquired quite a bit of damage (his friends and enemies wonder how he’s still alive), but it’s always made sure that he doesn’t die every time he’s tortured because his enemies would prefer to be able to enjoy actively causing him suffering. He’s generally able to cover them up, especially areas covered up by his clothes - a painful spot for him is his left shoulder area which is already a weakness, but he has scarring from being shot there which just makes it worse, as well as scarring in his left side from being shot there too, but it was far enough over that it was more scraping it than anything else.

It’s also notable that he’s acquired actual scarring on his wrists due to how harsh the handcuffs can be - they’re enough of a torture on their own.

And my storyline for him involves his enemies trying to reopen old wounds and cause just that bit more pain as result (there’s also emotional wounds but that’s a whole different story). As you can see - I couldn’t help but use his job as an excuse for this kind of pain and scarring.

4. Best places to kiss on their body?

Oh, man, I headcanon him as MASSIVELY touch-starved, and someone who seeks out companionship that doesn’t involve a great deal of commitment (he’s both got too much baggage and would rather not involve people in his career considering how dangerous it is), and is incredibly sensitive. He always has to try and hide it though.

However, it’s down his neck that he is physically incapable of not showing his enjoyment usually by some very contented sounds, although he has been known to make high-pitched whines, especially when it’s unexpected. It’s quite nice because of how soothing it is (often down to the scar he has down it), and particularly loves it if you kiss down his neck and across his shoulder blade. His jaw is quite sensitive too - so just anywhere between his head and shoulders is absolute bliss for him.

5. Guilty pleasures?

Considering how he usually appears to others: he actually prefers sitting down to watch B-movie sci-fis with a microwaveable dinner in his PJs. He’s also a massive sucker for cheesy slasher flicks, which he doesn’t tend to admit to to really anybody. He sees this stuff as guilty pleasures as unfortunately he’s far too nervous to, y’know, let the mask slip. Deep down he’s a very insecure man but has learnt to hide things so well he can’t tell the difference between his natural self and the mask.

6. Their vices (physical or emotional)?

He doesn’t have a whole lot, but his main and his worst is his anger and the impulsivity that goes with it. It can get super unchecked and ends up unfortunately relying on others to reel him back in. He can get very rash and irritable and knowing his career, this can get people hurt very easily.

He is a polite and friendly person, but knows what can happen if he gets to breaking point - it’s one reason he doesn’t like being on his own as much as he often feels he has to, especially since he encounters quite a few nasty people in his work, and has to avoid hurting the less malicious of their minions besides, though it doesn’t stop him from trying to push others away because of his trust issues.

7. Their tickle spots?

He’s not ticklish, or at least pretends not to be. His sides and neck are particularly sensitive to this, but unless he really trusts you (which is pretty much not really any - except Maximus, though even he finds slight discomfort in that kind of thing with him), you’re not gonna get anywhere near him to do so. He’s insecure with a lot of trust issues and frankly even if he didn’t have those issues, he’d still have problems with that happening to him, even if it’s a friend.

8. Bad memories/experiences?

That would be a remarkable number, although one that stands out is his parents finding out he was seeing another guy and then later when they found out he was bi and effectively pressured him with guilt to choose. He already had problems making friends and that didn’t help when he had to spend more time studying instead.

Recent memories would be any number of encounters with enemies where they targeted his weaknesses but he’s weirdly more accepting of things like that unless they involved them hitting a nerve (especially when they got his friends at the time involved and...well, it’s not something he would want to talk about, clearly).

9. Humiliating memories?

He tries not to feel this - though he has bad memories, like what would happen with his enemies, he doesn’t consider them humiliating, or tries not to anyway, because he feels beyond that. More humiliating ones though would usually be when he was at school since he was less able to make friends due to his own parents effectively living through him to make him ‘successful’, which evidently didn’t make him popular with many people. He was often mistook as someone who cared way more about academics than other things when that really wasn’t the case.

10. Fears/phobias?

Due to his upbringing and lifestyle, he has many notable ones, so I’ll just list them here:

- Fear of abandonment and being alone, but feels a need to push people away regardless

- Fear of vulnerability

- Fear of not being good enough or people ‘seeing him for who he really is’ and letting them down

- Fear of getting other people hurt because of him and his job or not being able to save them, resulting in being blamed for it by unsavoury characters (here come the guilt and self blame issues)

- Fear of manipulating and hurting others on accident

- Guess what!! He has a needle phobia too

11. Bad or petty habits?

This man has too much of a thing for caffeine since he prefers to stay up due to his job and because there’s obviously certain things about sleep that make him feel vulnerable. Of course, this results in him staying up at the most ungodly hours and often falling asleep in his car (he has to find somewhere to park it because even though he refuses to admit he’s really tired and not fine, he knows he’s still not in a position to be in front of the wheel, though when he makes more friends they often demand he needs to rest before he does anything risky, much less anything else.

12. Grudges and vendettas?

He’s not one to like holding grudges, preferring to see the good in people despite everything. Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his limits pushed by certain people in his life such as some real nasty enemies of his, but he generally tries to restrain himself from going too far with him (or that others have to stop him).

On a different level, it actually takes him a while to properly admit how much his parents hurt him emotionally and that there was a reason he left the house for university and never looked back, never having spoken to them since. This is why he has the issues he does, because he still fears not being good enough or that people will see through him and he’s pretty angry in the least when it finally hits him.

#holy FUCK it's been several months #but i did this and i'm so happy #FINALLY #rex dasher #playmobil: the movie #angst #y e a h #i gave him quite a few issues huh #violence tw #needles tw #emotional abuse #abuse #trauma #headcanons #knives tw #torture tw #injury mention #asks #ask games #games #exorcised-coffee #thank you SO MUCH and i am really sorry #you literally sent this in october last year #but i hate abandoning asks #and i was determined to do this #i wrote some of this last year and it still stands

[ranposlittle]

Can I get a matchup pls? 🌸 (I'm a Pisces, INFP, and type 4? idk my harry potter house ;-;) I'm 21 year old, 5'7" tall woman, that is Bi with a slight preference for guys. I have short wavy/curly hair with bangs and dark brown eyes (and glasses!). I'm a bit shy and sensitive. I enjoy playing video games, watching anime, listening to music, and reading. I'm a bit of a romantic, a bit lazy and sometimes awkward. It takes me a while to open up to others as well! I hope this is enough! Thank u!

I ship you with...

☠️ Dazai Osamu ☠️

As a true Pisces, INFP and a Type 4, you're obviously drawn to Dazai and he's obviously drawn to you, like a moth to a flame.

You're a healer and Dazai is the perfect person for you. You met him and in an instant you knew, the man is awfully broken. Whether you're aware of it or not, all you want to do is to fix him. You want to understand all of his pain and make everything alright. That is because you know how it feels. You are very familiar to the harshness of the world and because of your emphatic nature, you don't wish for anybody else to experience it if you can help it. Pisces are known to be the most sensitive of all the zodiac signs and this makes you very good in understanding people, even enigmatic ones like Dazai.

Despite being a practical and logical person, Dazai is highly intuitive too. Like you, he can also see through people like they're transparent. It only took him a few hours to know what kind of person you are. Although both of you are the ones who don't open up easily and reserve your most authentic thoughts and feelings to people you know very well, the instant connection you felt for each other allowed you to have a deeper conversation. There was some small talk in the beginning, of course. You were shy and polite and Dazai had to lead the discussion but it's not like he minds. He knew how to steer the topics so he'll get to find out things about you that he's curious about. You didn't even notice that you're sharing more information about yourself than you normally do with people you just met. Dazai just made you feel comfortable and safe. Whatever the topic is, he always listens to what you have to say and shares his thoughts as well; an open and supportive exchange of ideas.

Dazai's comedic side was irresistible to you, too. His eccentric humour and odd jokes never fail to make you laugh. You easily got along with him because of his offbeat personality, he's a curious individual and you love it. You value his authenticity and you often get lost in a good conversation with him as he tells you strange stories and talk about things that excites you; anime, movies, books and music. He's pretty knowledgeable about all of them even if you didn't really thought he would be. You even went into an arcade where you spend hours on end playing different games and Dazai was just surprisingly good at it. You enjoy every minute spent with him as your perspective of his personality widen and you explore the universe that's Dazai's mind.

The more you delved into his world, the more you understood that Dazai has a part of himself that goes deeper, a part of him that's hidden away in the dark. You can feel it, you can see it on his eyes and you weren't entirely shock when you heard about Dazai's past. You're accepting and nonjudgmental so it wasn't hard for Dazai to feel secure in telling you his truth, if anything, he thinks you deserve to know. You're so compassionate and caring towards him and he just know that you'll understand. You wrapped him in a warm embrace after he shared that part of himself with you and then, you thanked him for telling you and that you're sorry that it happened to him. You're sorry that the world made him suffer in such a young age and you're sorry that you can't do anything about it. If only you could go back in time and protect him from everything, you would. You hugged him tighter as you wish that your warmth will somehow glue his broken pieces back together. Dazai melted in to your arms and felt flowers grew on an empty part of his being.

Although Dazai greatly appreciates your affection and love, he knows you'll want to take on all of his problems for him once you knew about it. That's just how you are. He wouldn't allow you to, though. Dazai assures you that he can handle it, flexing his arms to show you how strong he is. You smiled but the worried look on your eyes is still there so he turned a bit more serious to let you know that those experiences he had that messed him up is also the same reason why he's strong now. Without those things happening to him, he wouldn't have found a reason for his existence and he wouldn't have found you. Dazai assured you that he's definitely out of the dark now and that if ever he trips and would be in need of your sensual healing, he'll let you know. You hit his shoulder lightly for making a joke in the middle of a serious topic before he hugged you, thanking you for your love and promising you that he's okay.

What Dazai really love about you is your inner strength. Though you maybe timid and soft, you're not weak. When boundaries are crossed, you're not afraid to stand up for yourself and especially for the people that you love. You're also unwavering with your beliefs and values. You decide for yourself what seems right and doesn't let outside opinions change your views if it doesn't resonate with you. Individualism is important to you and that often leads you to a lonely road but as long as you stay true to yourself, it doesn't really matter. You're constantly looking for ways to improve yourself and cheer on other's personal growth. Dazai's heart just want to overflow with adoration whenever he sees this side of you. How someone as gentle as you can also be so strong is a motivation for him to keep fighting for the things that matters to him. You're just such a beacon of light in Dazai's dim life.

Overall, I think you'll be the perfect blend together because Dazai, despite his bitter past, can be a healthy partner for you. He's strong and positive enough to not let you lose your identity as you take care of him. He'll constantly encourage you to take more care of yourself above anyone else. His weird behavior also adds a lot of fun in the relationship and you can spend your lazy days on the couch, playing video games and just messing around with each other. When Dazai sees you getting pouty whenever you lose a round though, he'll pull some act to actually let you win. He'll just laugh and praise you when you rub it on his face. Sometimes, he'll even steal your glasses and wear them when he wants you to pay attention to him. He'll run around making girlish giggles as you chase him down, screaming at him that you can't see. He'll return them after you've given him enough attention, don't worry. You'll have tons of fun together all the while having a very intimate and deep relationship. One moment you're being silly like children, the next you're cuddled up outside and stargazing while Dazai run his fingers on the waves of your hair. You'll be one of those couples that can just feel the other even if you're miles away. And even if Dazai isn't as into mysticism as you probably are, he also believes that you're meant to be. Destiny or some other unseen force brought you together for a good reason and it's to make life more magical for the both of you. He's not sure yet if he truly believes in heaven but being with you convinces him a little bit more that it's probably true.

***

Thank you for dropping by, anon! You know what, anon, I think we'll get along. I'm an INFP too and I also have Pisces in me bcos I'm a cusp. That's probably why I get a bit carried away and made this a bit too long hehe anyways, I hope this will make you happy and stay awesome! Here's a song from Dazai to youuu~ (･ω･)つ

#osamu dazai #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #bad dazai #bungou stray dogs scenarios #bungou stray dogs imagine #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd scenarios #bsd hcs #bsd imagines #bsd headcanons #matchup #bsd matchup #dazaimw

[everstarcatcher]

The Talk (Child's Play 2019 Fiction)

((Context: This is an alternate ending to the scene where Chucky misinterprets the horror movie and nearly goes after Pugg. A HAPPY ENDING. Where Andy actually takes the time to explain things to Chucky. Also, hints of potential future chapters as they begin to plot just how to get rid of Shane.))

Chucky’s brow furrowed as he watched Andy laughing alongside Falyn and Pugg as they watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. The movie was gruesome, to say the least; A chainsaw wielding man was brutally attacking and maiming one victim after another. It should have been terrifying them - Chucky certainly felt uneasy whenever he saw a scrapped Buddi toy - yet Andy and his friends were all howling with laughter. Clearly his owner found violence to be funny…and yet they’d positively freaked out when he’d tried strangling the wretched family cat. It made no sense. Andy’s mirthful expression as he pointed and guffawed at the violence on screen was a far cry from the horrified panic etched across their face when they demanded he release the vicious animal. Chucky’s own expression twisted further into confusion as he compared Andy’s reactions, attempting to discern exactly what made the brutality on screen acceptable.

Remembering how the children had all gathered around him before and tried to make him stab a unicorn toy with a pencil...the robot achieved a moment of clarity. Perhaps Andy liked to see humans being hurt instead? Or in the very least...maybe he preferred melee attacks? A spark of red briefly ignited in his irises at the thought, his uninhibited mind forming a plan of action. Quietly, he stood up from his spot beside Andy, stealthily slipping off into the kitchen to grab the carving knife embedded in the cutting board. Oh, was his Andy in for a big surprise!

Giddy excitement at the thought of Andy’s approval jolted through his emotional processors as he gripped tightly to the knife’s smooth handle. He studied his face in the blade’s expression, adopting the menacing expression that Andy had coached him to use to scare Shane. Perfect.

Andy was indeed enjoying himself, snorting along with his friends at the ludicrous violence on screen. It was corny and absurd to the point of hilarity. How would anyone find this tripe scary? He nodded along with Falyn’s, “Oh my god, that wouldn’t even happen!”

“Oh tell me about it, this is just dumb, right Chucky?”

No answer. Odd. Tearing his eyes from the screen, a side glance revealed his electronic companion was gone. He didn’t have long to look for him, though before a silhouette of a person holding a knife fell over the trio.

“Heads up, bitch.”

Immediately, all three whipped around. Andy’s heart immediately beginning to race as Chucky stopped in the entryway. Knife raised over head, blue eyes glimmering malevolently as he focused on Pugg, Chucky repeated himself.

“Heads up, bitch.”

Rather than react with fear, Pugg snorted, briefly applauding the little robot for his “act” before turning back towards the screen. “Now that is priceless. Your little robot is the shit, dude.”

Andy and Falyn remained on edge, however, Andy pausing the movie as Chucky - validated by Pugg’s nonchalance - began stalking towards the rotund boy. Over and over he repeated himself with shifting tones and glitching syllables. “B-Bitch. Head’s up bi-bitch. He-head’s up bitch. HEAD’S UP BITCH!”

So hyperfocused on stabbing Pugg was the toy, that he completely missed the growing fear in Andy’s eyes. He didn’t even realize that Andy had leapt from their beanbag until he’d nearly reached Pugg. Raising the knife to stab-

“CHUCKY, STOP!”  

Andy’s frightened yells just barely registered in his audio receptors before his owner abruptly slammed into him. Panicking in the moment, Chucky swung the knife wildly about, struggling blindly against the smothering pillow. Terror and confusion shone in his eyes as he was faced once again with Andy’s disturbed expression. Why?! Why was he seeing this face again!? What had he done wrong THIS time!?

“A-andy? What are you-”

His words broke off as his knife finally made contact, slicing cleanly into his human’s forearm. Andy’s subsequent scream of pain sapped all fighting spirit from Chucky in an instant. A pang of cold dread claimed the robot’s little body as he immediately realized the gravity of what he’d just done. He’d hurt his Andy. Immediately, he went still, his expression twisting with remorse as he watched Andy nurse the wound. Stammering, he attempted to explain himself.

“A-andy...I uh...I thought that..th-that you would-”

Furious and in pain, Andy thoughtlessly screamed.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

Their words cut deep, a sharp dagger of agony slicing into his core as he watched his owner suffer. This was pure torture. Knowing that HE had caused Andy pain. He was supposed to be their best friend, he was supposed to make them happy, he was supposed to-

Not thinking, Chucky blubbered, “I th-thought that you’d like it, Andy! I...I saw the movie and thought it would make you happy! Andy, p-please don’t be mad at me! I didn’t m-mean to hurt you, I swear! I… I just wanted to make you laugh...”

Andy drew silent at this, his expression softening as he watched Chucky panic and plead for forgiveness. Chucky hadn’t meant to hurt him, he could tell. But he HAD meant to hurt Pugg, if not outright kill him. And all for what? Some misguided attempt to impress him? Andy sighed after a long moment, his eyes shifting back towards the paused tv screen. Leatherface was dangling a bloody severed face in front of a horrified soon-to-be victim. Ok. So maybe he could understand where Chucky would get the idea for attempted murder. His gaze slid back to the shocked faces of Falyn and Pugg before resting on Chucky’s miserable expression once more.

It was a moment before he made his decision. Reaching down for the remote, Andy switched off the movie, bathing them all in darkness. He addressed Falyn and Pugg first, eyeing them apologetically as he gestured towards the door. “Guys, I’m going to have to ask you to leave for today. Me and Chucky need to have a serious talk right now. Alone.”

Nervous, Falyn bit her lip. “Are...are you sure you want to do that, Andy? I mean, Chucky DID just slice up your arm-”

Andy shook his head with a steely firmness in his gaze. “Yeah, I’m sure. He’s not inherently violent. He’s just...a little mixed up right now. You guys both know that he’s not like the other Buddi dolls-”

Swallowing hard and side-eyeing the downed toy with scrutiny, Pugg interrupted, “No shit. Most toys don’t try to fucking kill me. Seriously, Andy, you should get him checked out. Chucky being uncensored and all was cool at first, but this is way too fucking far.”

Andy gritted his teeth at Pugg’s harsh words as he noted Chucky’s worsening disposition; the doll looked like he wanted to die. “Exactly. He’s not like the other dolls. He has no filter. Which is why I need to have one on one time with him to clear some things up right now. I just...I really need to lay down some boundaries. So can you guys just...leave me to it for now?”

The two exchanged an uncertain glance before slowly rising to their feet. Falyn briefly put her hand on Andy’s shoulder, her voice low and urgent as she whispered, “Text me later today, yeah? I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t know that you’re ok.”

Andy bid her a mirthless smile as he nodded before giving her hand a brief pat, “Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

Pugg gave Andy a look suggesting that he expected the same, though he chose to remain silent as he followed after Falyn. The sound of the door opening and closing was the only noise in the apartment as Andy stood pondering, eyes glassy with thought as his blood continued to drip onto the floor. Neither dared to move, though Chucky noticeably winced with the sound of each droplet. It was a moment before he dared to speak, his voice soft as he implored his owner, “Does...does it hurt bad?”

The question broke Andy from his pondering, the boy sighing as he only squeezed the wound tighter. “No, Chuck...it doesn’t hurt too badly. Though I’m going to need to find some bandages for it to stem the bleeding.”  

Immediately, Chucky leapt into action, sliding from beneath the pillow and making a beeline for the medicine cabinet. As he rummaged around, his dread only continued to grow. Andy was wearing that expression again. That awful pained lost expression that drove the robot mad with worry. It didn’t take long for him to find the bandages, the doll hauling ass on his stubby legs as he returned to the living room.

    Andy had settled down into his beanbag, still nursing his weeping wound. He eyed Chucky with a sad smile as he noted their eagerness to make amends. The robot hesitated just before his feet, unsure as to whether or not Andy wanted them close at the moment. Andy was quick to reassure them, patting his lap as he gestured to his arm. “Come on up, Chucky. I’m not afraid of you. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

Relief colored the robot’s expression as he was quick to rush in, crawling into Andy’s lap and immediately dressing their cut. As they wrapped the bandages tight, however, Andy placed a hand on the doll, his expression pensive. “However, I know that I can’t say the same for everyone else around me. You were going to hurt Pugg, weren’t you? Just like you hurt Rooney.”

Chucky’s face fell, the little doll shuddering with guilt as he finished the knot and eyed his owner. “No...not like Rooney. I was trying to protect you from Rooney. With Pugg...I only wanted to make you laugh. You, you looked so happy watching that horror movie with your friends. Pugg even thought it was funny at first when I-”

Andy was quick to jump on his words, placing a hand on the doll’s shoulder, “Exactly, Chuck. At first. It was funny at first. Chucky, you’ve got to understand that I don’t want you hurting ANYBODY for my sake. Not if it’s to make me laugh. Not if it’s to protect me. You...you don’t know when you take things too far, obviously. If you want to protect me from the cat, just scare Rooney off whenever he comes into my room. If you want to make me laugh by imitating serial killers, just PRETEND to act like them. Do not ACTUALLY come after my friends with a knife and try to stab them. I was laughing at the movie because the violence was so clearly fake. The blood looked like ketchup. The acting was terrible and corny. It was funny because we all know it’s not real. The chainsaws aren’t real. The actors aren’t ACTUALLY getting cut up into pieces. Once the cameras are done rolling, everybody high fives each other and go take a lunch break. Do you get what I’m saying?”

Chucky blinked in confusion, a brow lifting as he tilted his head, “So...you liked it because you knew that nothing was real?”

Andy grinned, relieved to see that Chucky was beginning to understand, “You hit the nail on the head, buddy!”

The doll’s expression didn’t lighten up at the revelation as he pressed further. “But Andy...how am I supposed to know when to pretend? How can I pretend to not hate Shane or Rooney? How can I protect you when I can’t punish those who hurt you?”

Andy sighed as he ran a hand through the doll’s bright red locks. “Chucky...it’s not your job to be my avenger. I neither expect nor want you to act in violence on my behalf. Getting angry and lashing out only makes things worse. The best thing to do in these situations is to just vent about it and move on. Though, regarding Shane…” He trailed off as his eyes darkened. “Shane needs to go. Killing him isn’t the answer, though. Neither is hurting him physically, but surely we can drive him away through some other means. I don’t trust him, Chucky. I never have. Mom’s always had a shit taste in men. The last thing we need is to have an asshole like Shane in our lives for the long term.”

Chucky’s eyes burned with ire as he regarded the deep hatred in Andy’s own gaze. He still desperately wanted to get rid of Shane, but if his buddy outright demanded he didn’t, then he would obey their request. A moment of thought passed between the two before Chucky spoke again, “If I can’t end his life...maybe I can make it insufferable. I could blackmail him, even. Get dirt on him so your mom has no choice but to leave him.”

Andy blinked, staring flabbergasted at the doll. He had no clue that Chucky knew about things like blackmail. Though he couldn’t deny that the idea was genius. After all, Chucky was basically a walking talking surveillance system. Chucky could totally act as a spy and find out any damning nasty secrets Shane had. After a moment more of thought, he bit his lip with uncertainty, “But, Chucky...what about you? What if Shane finds you out before you can get any evidence? I’ve seen the way Shane throws you around...just how much abuse do you think your body can take if he tries to get rid of you?”

Chucky’s blue eyes flickered to red with surprising ease as he bid Andy a bitter smile, “I’ll manage, Andy. Kaslan products are built to last. Besides, if he attacks me...I’ll just “pretend” to hurt him.”

Andy’s expression fell at that, exhaling sharply as he eyed the hostile doll. “I...uh...I don’t know, Chucky. Maybe it would be best if we didn’t go through with this. There’s so many ways this can go wrong. Just...please explain to me what you think “pretending” to hurt someone is…”

Chucky’s expression screwed with thought, his gaze returning to blue as he tapped a finger to his chin. “Hmmm...how would kicking him in the shins and running off sound? Or taking a knife with me and almost stabbing him?”

Andy’s lips twisted into a grimace. “Maaaybe we should just put a pin in the whole blackmail idea for now, yeah? Though the general plan is pretty good. Tell you what. I’ll take you to get fixed so you can finally connect to the other Kaslan products like you’re supposed to and then we can worry about the blackmail. The last thing I want is for Shane or more importantly you getting hurt. You’re my best bud, a one-in-a-kind companion, and I don’t want to lose you.”

Chucky smiled at that, a genuine soft smile. “That sounds...really good, actually.” A lovely  warmth burned in his chest at the notion of both being fixed and being valued so highly. Even after he’d hurt Andy, they were still willing to do so much for him. The reciprocated feelings of love and devotion were intoxicating. What’s more, that lingering sadness in their eyes was gone for the time being - replaced instead with a fierce determination. It was a wonderful sight to see.

The happy feelings only intensified as Andy pulled Chucky in for a tight hug, the robot sighing contentedly as he buried his face in his human’s shoulder. Though he already knew the answer, he still felt the need to confirm, “So...you’re not mad at me, right? I don’t have to go in the closet today?”

Andy snorted at that, only squeezing the toy tighter as he nodded, “No, I’m not mad. Especially now that we both are on the same page. Just...talk to me if you ever get the urge to be violent again, alright? I don’t want you doing something rash that could get you in big trouble.”

Chucky’s eyes dimmed as he, albeit reluctantly, nodded. “Ok, Andy...I’ll let you know.”

Andy pulled back with a relieved sigh, patting his friend on the shoulder before setting them down on the ground. He gestured to his room with a grin. “Thank fuck. Now...what do you say to a game of Pictionary?”

Eager to get the ball rolling again, Chucky nodded vigorously. “Of course, Andy!”

Illustrated Scene

#child's play 2019 #child's play #buddi #chucky #chucky is a yandere #friendship #alternate ending #andy barclay #fanfiction #my art #my writing

[shadow-of-a-whisper]

The Sentinel (series) Ficlet, Rated: M

Naomi waited until her son's mug of chamomile tea was half empty by her estimate, and most of the tense lines around his eyes had smoothed out. Then she pounced. "Blair sweetie, what's going on with you? And don't tell me it's nothing. Even Jim has noticed, and we both know how... unobservant he can be sometimes." That was rich, coming from her, but Blair didn't point that out. She was right, Jim had been side-eyeing him with concern for days. The man wasn't as subtle as he liked to think he was. Still, Blair just shook his head. "It's not something anyone can help with. I just need to figure some stuff out by myself. You wouldn't get it." Naomi huffed and drew herself up to her full height. Damn, he should've seen that coming. He really was slipping. "Try me. Even if I can't help, I can still listen. You need to get this off your chest, it's obviously eating you alive." Blair ran his fingers roughly through his wild curls in frustration. "I'm in love with someone, okay? I love him, and he's straight. I'm a fucking idiot, is that what you wanted to hear?" Naomi's jaw dropped, but Blair didn't stop. Now that it had started, it was all pouring out. "You never wanted to be tied down to one person or one place, and I get that. You never met anyone you wanted to stay for, despite it all. Someone who made staying feel like it was a gift, not a sacrifice. Good for you. But that's not what I want for my own life. I want stability, and connection, and happily ever after. I want that more than anything. So it doesn't matter if he doesn't love me the same way I love him, that he can't love me that way. Just being by his side is enough. It has to be." Naomi was already shaking her head, clearly flabbergasted. "What does Jim have to say about all of this? Does he know this guy?" Blair stared at her blank-faced, and waited for the penny to drop. After a few moments of honest bewilderment, her eyes slowly grew to the size of saucers. "Oh!" "Yeah Mom, 'Oh'. That pretty much sums it up. I haven't even dated any guys since before I met him." He didn't tell her that he'd figured Jim might be able to smell them on him or something. Turns out, he would've been right about that. "At first I just didn't know how he'd take it. By the time I realised that he'd be fine with me being bi, it felt like it was too late to bring it up. It's not like that would've made any difference. He's never looked at me like that. I don't think the idea has ever even crossed his mind." On the other side of the loft's front door, groceries in one hand and some mail in the other, Jim remembered the occasional whispers he'd overheard at the station. Uniforms gossiping about Blair, speculating about whether or not he was gay. Using words far less kind than that. Jim had glared them down when he could. He didn't care what Blair might or might not be, that was his own business, but those bigots didn't get to talk about his partner like that. Naomi's voice was achingly soft when she spoke again. "Baby, why would you do this to yourself? It just isn't healthy." Blair's smile didn't reach his watery eyes. "He's worth it. He's worth everything, every bit of pain and sacrifice, and so much more. He's strong, kind, beautiful. I'm not blind, I know he's an imperfect asshole, but that works out because I'm one too. We all make mistakes. He's suffered so much pain and loss, and he still lights up the world just by being in it. Sometimes I look at him, and I just want to tell him, show him how I see him, because I know he struggles to see that in himself. I want to make love to him, because he deserves to be loved. I don't know how anybody can fail to love him. I want to give him reasons to smile, to keep glowing like he does. I want to light him up every day for the rest of our lives. I can't walk away from that Naomi, I just can't. I'm strong enough to live with this pain, I'm not strong enough to live without him." Naomi set her jaw in a hard line, as outside the door Jim slid boneless down the wall, parcels forgotten. God, he'd been so blind. Blair's distress, something he'd been catching flashes of here and there for the last several weeks, was so visceral right now that he could feel it buffeting him all the way from the hall. A hummingbird heartbeat, accompanied by the rasps of harsh and shallow breaths, fulled his ears. The hint of salt from the beginnings of a cold sweat, along with the indefinable scents of misery and slight panic, flooded his nose. The cacophony of sensations washed over him with all the force of a crashing wave. Blair's emotions had always been a bit... louder, for lack of a better word, than other people's. To him, at least. But they'd never been anything quite like this. Distantly, his ears ringing a little, he heard Naomi start talking again. "Blair, you deserve that kind of love too. If you walk away now, you can always hold onto your golden memories of Jim, and pretend that he might have loved you back someday. If you stay and wait until he finds out, until he throws you out of the loft again, it'll break your heart. I honestly don't know if you would ever recover from that. Please baby, let me help you pack your things." The door slammed open, bouncing off the wall with a reverberating thud, as Jim stalked over to where they were sitting. Without saying a word, face expressionless, Jim pulled Naomi up over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. Before she could do more than let out a startled bleat, he'd dumped her on the threshold with the abandoned groceries and slammed the door in her face. Nobody was packing a goddamn thing. He slid the recently installed deadbolt home, just in case. He went back to the sofa where Blair had just made it to his feet, his face pale and drawn. Jim wanted to die for ever putting that look on his Guide's face. Naomi didn't have a Goddamn clue what she was talking about. Of course Jim was in love with Blair too, *of course* he was. Oh. Ooooooooooooooh. Huh. Well, that was a surprise. In hindsight, it really shouldn't be. Some Cop Of The Year he was. Actually, it probably explained a lot. It definitely explained the way his heart was pounding, his veins filled with adrenaline at the thought of Blair slipping through his fingers. Blair let out a small, uncertain "Jim...", eyes lowered in mortification. That wouldn't do at all. Jim lifted a gentle hand to Blair's jaw, his midday shadow barely perceptible even to his sensitive touch, and encouraged Blair's face to turn to him. He was shit with words, but he tried to let everything he was feeling shine from his eyes. Whatever he saw there, Blair slowly went slack and open with wonder. Jim's breath left him in a quiet rush, as he let go and followed his instincts the way he only ever did with Blair there to Guide him. His eyes fluttered nearly shut as he leaned close, brushing his nose to Blair's cheek as he breathed him in. His senses were flooded with Blair's unique scent, mingled with the faint hints of 'unscented' shampoo and soap, the mild herbal scent of chamomile tea and the honey Blair had sweetened it with. The combination was heady and soothing all at once, the headache Jim had been sporting for half the day fading almost instantly to a barely-there throb. That was nothing compared to the tightness he felt in his chest as his lips gave chase, Blair's rising timidly to meet them. He kept it soft and chaste to start with, a little hesitant himself, uncertain how he'd feel about this new thing he was trying. He needn't have worried. The taste of Blair, added to his enticing scent, and the somehow unexpected scratch of the hint of stubble, punched the remaining breath from him in a shocked groan. He pressed his mouth hard to Blair's as heat shot to his groin. Blair whimpered, his lips falling open in response without thought or hesitation, his body pressing as close as it could get from the knees up. As if that had broken the spell somehow, Blair jerked back. "Jim, man, you have to be sure. I can't do this if you're not totally sure." Jim rested his forehead against Blair's, not ready to lose that precious closeness yet. "I want this, Chief. I have no idea what I'm doing here, but I know that I want to be doing it with you." Blair trembled with temptation, but he had to be strong. He couldn't afford to be careless with this. "And when you wake up tomorrow, with me in your bed, both of us naked? When it hits you, what you've done, and what it could mean for you? What then, Jim? I need you to really think about this. Think about who we work with, about your family. If we do this, I'm not gonna be able to hide it anymore, I wouldn't want to either. You know what that'll mean? Forget discrimination and unreliable back-up, we'd be breaking fraternization rules. Simon would have no choice but to separate us. We can't ask him to risk his career and IA's wrath for us. How long do you think you'll last before you zone or spike at the wrong moment, and people get killed? Even if you somehow survived that, you'd never forgive yourself." It was true, every word of it, and it was a hell of a lot. It was obvious that Blair had been thinking about it for a long time, Jim had some serious catching up to do. But he knew one thing clearly. "We'll figure it out like we always do, together. If we can't stay on the force, then we'll both go. I know that you mostly only joined for my sake. Yeah, you enjoy the work, but you still hate the violence of it. You're never gonna be happy about pointing a gun at someone, even for me." Jim wasn't wrong about that, but it wasn't the whole story either. "Jim, I could've worked things out at Rainier if I'd really wanted to. Edwards didn't have a leg to stand on when she ran me off like that, and my friends there all knew it. Academia had been losing its shine for me for a long time by then, the politics of it all. It just wasn't fulfilling anymore, not the way working with you is. What you said to me at the hospital about being a good cop, and offering me that badge, it meant the world to me. That you trust me to watch your back as your permanent partner, just blows me away." Jim acknowledged those words with another soft kiss before responding. "I do trust you Chief. That's why I don't want you at my back for the rest of our lives." He held on tight when Blair tried to pull away. "I want you at my side instead, where you belong. Between my skills and your smarts, we've got options. We'll find one that works for both of us, where we can be the team we're supposed to be, and still help people. One that doesn't have us both dodging bullets every other day. It's not like I'm gonna be young enough to pull that off forever." Blair's knees went weak, Jim's firm grip on his lower back and the base of his skull the only thing keeping him standing. "You'd do that for me?" Jim shook his head once, slowly. "I'd do that for *us*. Just like you would, like you did with that press conference of yours. You're not the only one who can pull off a grand gesture, Chief. Maybe Eli can find a spot for you on his next expedition, and I can finally take a turn following you around for a bit. I could be their security detail." Blair searched his face, but found only honest sincerity there. His love for the man in front of him, always a warm flame in the hearth of his soul, blazed through him in a rush of desire. His mouth crashed hungrily against Jim's without conscious thought, almost reflexively. Jim's body welcomed him back, pulling them tightly together again, legs tangling with each other. Somehow, that still wasn't close enough. When he pulled back, this time he pulled Jim with him. Jim followed him without question, like he always did, not caring where they were going. As long as it had a flat surface, even if that was just a bare bit of floor, then it would do.

#The Sentinel #Jim Ellison #Blair Sandburg #Naomi Sandburg #Fanfiction #Ficlet #The Sentinel fanfiction

[simstationdance]

@jeebie-sims​ asked: for the headcanon meme: Daniel Pleasant, Johnny Smith, and Mortimer Goth

ok so i apparently had a lot to say about these three, especially johnny and mortimer because they are favorites of mine. i was also inspired by the pictures u put in your answers to the shipping asks, so i decided to pair a few pictures with my answers.

i would’ve answered this as a regular ask, but for some reason, applying a read more to an ask applies it to the ‘question’ part of the post and not the actual body of the post where it should be, and not actually truncating the post at all. i couldn’t fix it no matter what i tried and eventually i gave up. tumblr is a Functional Website.

answers under the cut because i’m a turbo nerd who wrote way too much. i hope you enjoy it nonetheless

(headcanon ask meme)

Daniel Pleasant

Sexuality Headcanon: straight

Gender Headcanon: man

A ship I have with said character: daniel x marriage counseling. no, really.

ok but in all seriousness, it’s obvious that dan and mary sue really really need to work their shit out and i don’t think they could do it easily, if at all. if nothing else, they’d stay together for their public image I MEAN their kids whom they clearly love sooo muuuch 

(meanwhile i’m certain angela and lilith - especially lilith - would rather their parents divorced because the tension in the house is so fucking thick you could cut it with a knife, and that’s not a healthy environment to grow up in)

i don’t really ship him with anybody, to be honest. i know he’s with kaylynn on the side but i don’t personally see her sticking around, especially in the aftermath of a destroyed marriage.

unless he actually gets his shit together, i can’t imagine him being able to fully commit to a relationship, as evidenced by his abysmal relationship with his own wife.

A BROTP I have with said character: hmmm. maybe dan and don would be friends? i mean, they’re both cheaters, and they’d become social pariahs for it, but they’d be in it together, at least. meanwhile, their respective marital exes can get together to actually have a happy relationship.

for all i know, don might’ve actually convinced dan to take the plunge into debauchery in the first place. like he was like “don’t you miss when you were a carefree bachelor, dan?” and dan’s like “yeah man i miss that life” because its obvious he’s going thru a mid life crisis, so don basically encourages him - wittingly or not - to cheat on his wife. and they’re probably unaware that they’re both dating the maid.

oh fuck. now that i think about it this makes perfect sense.

A NOTP I have with said character: i guess daniel and mary sue? like, it’s an obvious answer but i literally almost always expose him as a cheater to her when i play the pleasants lmao their relationship really does not stand a chance.

A random headcanon: daniel usually prefers peace and quiet, so the constant arguing between his daughters - mixed with his poor relationship with his wife and the secret he keeps from her at the start of the game - makes it very hard for him to want to be around his own family.

instead of taking more initiative to take control of his domestic life, daniel instead opts to run from his problems. because he’s a Bastard. he envies his sister for having a healthier marriage than he does, unaware (or unwilling to entertain the thought) that perhaps jennifer and john have their own problems too.

General Opinion over said character: daniel is an absolute wet moldy rag of a man and his soap-opera-esque suffering amuses me.

Mortimer Goth

Sexuality Headcanon: pansexual.

Gender Headcanon: man

A ship I have with said character: i mean, the obvious answer would be mortimer x bella 5evr. they really are, or... were, a lovely couple. back in the sims 1 days, they were the ‘adorably eccentric’ goth family.

his wife had her strange magic, and he had his weird science, and together they were a power couple to end all power couples. but the thing is, i don’t imagine their relationship was built to last.  mortimer had far more ‘energy’ than bella did, and although they were a match, it was often difficult for her to keep up with him and his... mortimerisms. obviously bella had her quirks, but mortimer was something else. people often wondered how they managed to work together.

and as for his relationship with dina in the sims 2... well, the way i see it is, after bella’s disappearance, mortimer was utterly distraught. dina came to introduce herself and perhaps comfort him, since she was bella’s former sister in law, and in his weakness, things slowly escalated.

but even in his old age, mortimer is a highly intelligent and intuitive man who, i think, could read just about anyone like a book. if dina was just a run of the mill gold digger, he would’ve dropped her like a rock because he’s smarter than that. therefore, i’m almost certain that their relationship goes deeper than dina being interested in his wealth.

A BROTP I have with said character: this might seem odd, but mortimer and bonehilda in both the sims 1 and the sims 2. listen, i know she doesn’t appear in the sims 2... officially. but that doesn’t stop me from modding her into the game. and i have done exactly that.

the best part about acquiring the skeleton maid was that mortimer finally had somebody to ramble endlessly to about his latest ideas, the things that kept him up at night, but he didn’t want to bother bella while she was trying to sleep.

previously, he’d get an idea and would enthusiastically slams the door open like “BELLA I JUST HAD AN AMAZING IDEA!!!” and bella, laying in bed, would say “it’s the middle of the night and i have a golf tournament in the morning, dear.” and at that, mortimer would back out and slowly and quietly close the door.

so while bonehilda was tidying up the house, he would be essentially pacing around and talking to himself. thinking aloud helped him keep his thoughts in order - he has so many of them - and she would dutifully listen to his every word.

unfortunately he eventually had to retire the maid, she would frequently emerge from her coffin at inopportune times while bella was entertaining guests and they’d run out screaming.

bella also got tired of her drinking her cocktails and leaving puddles everywhere.

A NOTP I have with said character: i’d make jokes about it but i probably wouldn’t ship him with his skeleton maid. other than that i can’t think of any.

A random headcanon: mortimer is the very definition of mad scientist. open the page in the dictionary and you will find his picture.

being a knowledge sim, i feel like mortimer would do anything in the pursuit of knowledge, because he’s perpetually overwhelmed with curiosity and a desire to understand everything about the world, even if that often drives him to doing strange and, perhaps, unethical things in the name of science...

his curiosity led him to his chosen field in the first place. he was a bit of an amateur scientist even before then. as he rose through the ranks in his career and gained more notoriety for his scientific pursuits, he also took quite a lot of heat - some of his more bizarre experiments caused a great deal of scandals in his younger years.

he always managed to get back in the public’s favor, and he eventually got the last laugh against the press because he retired with a huge fortune.

General Opinion over said character: i’ve never been able to put my finger on it, but something about mortimer has always, ALWAYS felt extremely shady to me... and that’s what makes him interesting.

Johnny Smith

Sexuality Headcanon: bi

Gender Headcanon: man

A ship I have with said character: johnny x ophelia is cute, but johnny x ripp is also cute. you know what’s even cuter? all three of them together. they are so wholesome and good.

in my experience with strangetown (both in my current project and in an abandoned uberhood i did a while back), ripp usually has no romantic interest in ophelia and 100% interest in johnny, just on his own. their lack of feelings for each other, however, doesn’t stop them from both being with johnny, if they ever decided to do so. the only thing stopping them is their own personal convictions and... fear. as is the standard for these kinds of relationships, it would take a A Lot Of Work.

i’m sure johnny really loves them both, just in different ways. i see him as being the very physically affectionate friend who gives hugs out like candy and they both love him for it because they’re both touch starved as fuck. (that’s what you get when you have olive specter and buzz grunt as parental figures)

even tho it’s his first, the progression of his relationship with ophelia feels very natural to him. meanwhile, the idea of him and ripp together has never crossed his mind, not because he wouldn’t be interested, but because... um, well, he has a girlfriend, so... imagining himself with people other than his girlfriend would be weeeeird, you know? yeah...

he might also be a little oblivious, so that’s probably why he hasn’t picked up on ripp being weird around him yet. so ripp’s watching johnny be affectionate with ophelia like “god i wish that were me” and then johnny’s like “ripp are you ok” and ripp is like “haha yeah bro i’m great!!! :’)”

he’s always there for ophelia, and if ripp were willing to open up to johnny more often, he’d do the same for him.

A BROTP I have with said character: johnny!!! and!!! ripp!!!

whenever ripp is at johnny’s house, Which Is Often, they usually play SSX 3 together. johnny is better at it than ripp is, but at least ripp can beat him at darts on the dartboard on the back porch. they’re equally matched when it comes to playing pool, however.

they also really like to make dumb jokes at each other, including dumb puns and other such groan-inducing jokes read from vintage joke books and candy wrappers.

A NOTP I have with said character: hm... i can’t think of any because i don’t really ship him with anyone other than his two friends.

i could say johnny and tank but honestly that would be a total lie because i can imagine plenty of reasons to ship them, oddly enough. i don’t, but i can see why some do.

A random headcanon: johnny has basically spent his entire life surrounded by people - family, friends, etc. - to the point where being totally alone actually scares him quite a lot. he’s a popularity sim after all.

and, as unhealthy as it is, he really feels like its’ his responsibility to bring balance to ripp and ophelia’s lives by being the fun cheerful affectionate buddy, who always tries to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on. he’s a little scared that if he didn’t hold them together at their worst, then they’d fall apart.

it’s a lot of work and he loses sleep from it sometimes because holding other people together is Actually! Very! Stressful! but he dreams of being a hero on a white horse and all, so if he has to, he will be the hero they need. he doesn’t want them to worry about him, he doesn’t want them to feel like they’re burdening him, so he never tells them that.

General Opinion over said character: 

#|| ask #jeebie-sims #daniel pleasant #johnny smith #mortimer goth #tumblr was like 'u dont get to make ur post look fancy' #i put a weird amt of effort into this for a sims headcanon post #why? bc i felt like it

[treehugginglibrarian]

Social Justice Bedroom Warriors

Social Justice Warriors need to stay out of people’s intimate lives, unless they’re personally invited in, because they’re starting to sound a bit like incels.  

Recently, a member of one of my childfree on-line forums posed a question regarding dating and mental health, being unsure whether it was acceptable for her to bow out of a potential relationship because the gentleman in question suffered from depression and anxiety. While most people, including those with one or both of those health issues, were quick to reassure her that she never has to date anyone she doesn’t want to, and she owes no one an explanation, others were less supportive. One entire sub-thread of this mess ended up dedicated to the notion that, if she did not date this man, she was an “ableist cunt.” That’s not how this works. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. This also isn’t the first time I’ve seen this argument made.

As a population, we’ve gotten pretty good at reminding straight, white, men (and black men, on occasion) that women do not owe them anything. We don’t owe them our time, our phone number, a date, or sex. We do not owe them anything simply because they were born with a dick and took a fancy to us. It’s becoming increasingly clear, however, that the only people who don’t appear to be owed sex or relationships are straight, white, men. 

On multiple occasions during the course of my adult life, I have been called a “racist” by a black man who wanted my phone number and to whom I did not want to give it. Sometimes I didn’t want to give it to him because it was obvious he wasn’t my type. Sometimes I was just disinterested. Sometimes I was taken. In all instances, my rejection was not met merely with annoyance, but with a charge of “racism.” As though their blackness entitled them to my time, even if their maleness left me disinterested. As though a failure to be interested on my part could only be attributed to an aversion to brown skin, rather than an aversion to them, as an individual. I never thought much of these instances because I have, in fact, dated men of color before. As a child, my first Hollywood crush was on a black man. As an adult, about the only human I would consider leaving my wife for is a black woman (I jest. I would never leave my wife. But if I did it would be for Jessica Williams). My disinterest in these men was not because I am incapable of attraction to black bodies. I just wasn’t interested in those men; a fact they were quite offended by and quite willing to project over.  

Shortly after coming off of active duty, I got called “fat phobic” for the first time. It wouldn’t be the last time and, despite the general definition of oppressive hatred, at no time has this name been lobbed at me because I’ve been treating those who are overweight as though they are “less than.” I’m not scared of fat people. I don’t hate fat people. In fact, unless you are an overweight person with whom I am personally acquainted, I probably have effectively zero feeling about you or your excess weight. If you’re a fat person with whom I’m personally acquainted, my feelings towards you will have little to do with your weight and significantly more to do with your personality and your work ethic. You do you, boo, just don’t be a mean person or a shitty coworker along the way. That said, I acknowledge a lack of physical attraction on my part when it comes to overweight people. Part of it is that I’m just not attracted to the body type. Part of it is that I am an insanely active person, and I do make certain assumptions about other people’s lives and activity levels based upon their body types. I am going to assume that someone who is 150 pounds overweight is not going to be compatible with who I am as a person. My unwillingness to date people who fit this criteria, my disinterest in having sex with a body type that does not appeal to me, is apparently rooted in a deep and unacknowledged phobia of fat people. I got told by multiple women that unless I’m willing to force an attraction to fat people, I am fat phobic. How I treat these people out of the sheets is completely irrelevant. 

A little research showed that fatphobia was hardly the only politically correct pile of shite making its way into bedrooms. White people who won’t date outside their race are, with some level of regularity, told they’re racist. Refusing to date someone from another country, culture, or religious sect is now deemed xenophobic. Even refusing to date someone who had children or wildly different political views than your own was, somehow, deemed inappropriate. Even as society has been trying to drill into people’s heads that no one, NO ONE, is owed a relationship, that same society is doing an excellent job of telling us that we’re not allowed to say “no” to certain people. Saying “no” to marginalized or “othered” individuals is no longer a simple declination of sex, and is now an act of discrimination. Their marginalization, apparently, entitles them to both my time and my body. 

Through it all, sexism is a charge that has largely gone underutilized amongst most groups. Gay men are never called sexist for refusing to fuck women, and straight people are never called sexist or homophobic for not being queer. Lesbians, however, haven’t been granted this same dignity. (As usual, bisexuality is ignored. For once, the bi’s of the world are pleased about this). Probably because the idea that sexual pleasure can exist outside the scope of a penis is, for many, wildly inconceivable.     

For as long as lesbianism has been a thing, people with penises attempting to convince lesbians that said lesbians do, in fact, enjoy dicks have been a thing. For most of history, those people have been humans presenting as straight men, who apparently can’t conceive of a woman not wanting any dick at all, let alone their dick. In more recent years however, a vocal cohort of trans women, many pre-operative and still possessing intact penises, have taken to outing lesbians who refuse to date them as “transphobic.” As though one’s bedroom is an arena in which our efforts at establishing equality for all can be adequately assessed. 

Here’s the thing, a lack of attraction to a particular characteristic or a disinterest in having a particular characteristic in your bed or yourself, is not a form of discrimination. Why? Because absolutely no one, no matter how disenfranchised they may be by the rest of society, is ever owed personal time, relationships, or sexual intimacy from or by anyone else. They’re just not. Lesbians don’t owe transwomen sex or relationships, and they don’t owe them an explanation for why they’re not interested in these things. They are not suffering from a case of discriminatory genital preferences, because sexual proclivities are not preferences- they are ingrained parts of our beings. 

Do you really think straight women wouldn’t make the transition to vaginas if it was as simple as changing their genital preferences? The existence of straight women is proof positive that basically everything about our sexual attractions are beyond the scope of our control. 

While we can control whether or not we act on these attractions, control over what we are attracted to is pretty fucking limited. Do you really think pedophiles enjoy being pedophiles? If you do, I’d recommend reading an interview with one. It’s pretty eye-opening, if you can get past the part where you’re reading an interview with a pedophile. And all of them make quite clear that acting on their attraction to children is within their control, but the attraction itself is not. A fact that tends to leave them shunned by society whether they act on them or not, and pretty fucking miserable for obvious reasons. The list of things I’m not attracted to is relatively long and, while the list itself is mutable because additions have been made over the years, I have never found myself attracted to something that had once previously repulsed me. 

You will not change someone’s attractions simply by couching their sexual disinterest in social justice warrior language and attempting to shame them into being attracted to you. 

All you’ll do is piss them off and lose an ally. If you don’t want to date someone who is black, white, or purple, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to date someone with a particular set of genitalia, you don’t have, no matter what their external presentation is. If you don’t want to date a particular gender, you don’t have to. You don’t have to date people with mental illness, with food restrictions, with terminal cancer, or with webbed feet. You don’t have to date fat people, skinny people, or exercise obsessed people. You don’t have to date rich people or poor people, the fashion forward or the fashion oblivious. You don’t have to let anything other than your attraction to that particular person, or lack thereof, determine whether you date another person. And if you don’t want to date anybody, at all, you don’t have to. And you never, ever, ever owe them any explanation for why you are not interested. In fact, an argument could be made that you’re better off not giving them a reason.  

Get your shamey social justice warrior bullshit out of our bedrooms. NOW. 

No one owes you anything. 

[im-the-pride-of-canceledmarines]

(OK this one MAY be ridiculously funny.... https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/bottom-your-way-to-the-top )

1. How long does it take you to prepare for sex?

Jimbo: Well it depends...you can’t just quickly jump into a shower when you’re on a camping trip...And it’s not like I am refusing to wash my favourite sweater....*slightly frowns at Ned*

Ned: *returns a look of: What? I can’t smell anything wrong with it...*

(J: Huh? I just get down to it)

Ned: Mhhh I hate this question mhhh.......*refers to his erectile dysfunction*

(N: It's an extensive procedure that has no time limit)

2. What's your favourite sex position?

Jimbo: Hey why is there just one oral option?! And what about titties? There’s nothing better then a good titjob, right Ned?

Ned: Mhhhh I think they only refer to gay actions over here mhhh.

Jimbo: But that’s not fair! I mean, we’re not even gay!

Ned: ....... Mhhh bi is partly gay man mhhh. Mhhhhh and when was the last time you mhhhh got a titjob mhhh outside a threesome with a guy mhhh?

Jimbo: Uhm.......Now listen, listen, that’s not quite fair to reduce it to guys. What  about lesbians?

Ned: ..........mhh you are not a lesbian Jimbo mhhh.

Jimbo: Alright alright! I’ll just choose the same as you.

Ned: ......Mhhhh I take the last option mhhh every position is the best when done right mhhhhhh.

Jimbo: Well if you say every position then it also means every hole..........

Ned: Mhhhh stoma’s don’t count mhhh! *glares, pulling up his turtleneck*

(J/N: Something else)

3. Where’s your favourite place to have sex that’s not in bed?

Jimbo: Who on earth would choose a car?! I mean I get it for a handjob or a quick sucking, but sex? It’s uncomfortable and I don’t want to get cum on my seats! Once and never again!

Ned: *silentely stares at Jimbo thinking: Once?* *He raises an eyebrow wondering when that ‘once’ may have been since he can’t remember ever fucking Jimbo inside the truck.*

Jimbo: ......ah....it....it was a one night stand........nevermind......*mumbles a silent curse*

Ned: ......... *shrugs it off*

Jimbo: ..........anyway why do it in the car when you could do it next to the campfire? Outside any time!

Ned: Mhhh yeah mhhh me too mhhh. *smiles tilting his head, looking forward to their next trip*

(J/N: Outside)

4. How kinky would you say you are?

Jimbo: Ah come on! How on earth does this determin whether I pound or take it in the butt?! I mean just because I am a little kinky.....*wants to check a little kinky but nothing too wild*

Ned: *shakes his head* Mhhh you’re into some freakish stuff mhhh. *rubs his neck, considering to put on his stoma protection*

Jimbo: Hey! Don’t compare me to your ex-wife!

(J: Pretty kinky, I like to be creative)

Ned: Mhhhh no more mhhh ‘creative’ mhhh advice from Garrison mhhh and we’re good mhhhh.........

(N: Very kinky, I'm into some seriously freaky stuff)

Jimbo: Well that’s a quite bold option you chose there, Neddie....

Ned: Mhhhh who said I was mhhhh talking about being the sub mhhh?

Jimbo: *gulps a little nervously*

5. Has anybody ever called you "daddy" in bed?

Jimbo: *blushes* Uhm........

Ned: *smiles at him with a cheeky grin mouthing the word ‘daddy’*

Jimbo: *ears are glowing from redness* God damnit Ned don’t do that! It feels awkward.....you...you know why........

(J: Yes, and I hated it)

Ned: ............

(N: No, and I want it to stay that way)

6. Which of these kind of dates would you be happy to go on?

Jimbo: Well that was an easy one! *without hesitating*

(J: A couple of drinks)

Ned: ....... *also without hesitating*

(N: The theatre)

Jimbo: Wait what?! *glares at Ned*

Ned: Mhhh what mhhh?.........Mhhh that’s where I took my girlfriend mhhh if we could afford mhhh. Mhhhh would go mhhh drinking with mhhh /you/ mhhh anytime mhhh.

Jimbo: Well I hope so! You almost started to get me worried buddy.......

7. If you went on a dinner date, what would you choose off the menu?

Jimbo: Well let’s see.......I think I’ll take the classic burger.....

(J: A burger)

Ned: .......mhhh you can’t be serious man mhhh.

Jimbo: Now listen, this is America! In no other place you can go to a fancy restaurant and /still/ get a burger.

Ned: Mhhh steak for me mhhh.

Jimbo: Phew....good to see you’re still the old one! Your last answer almost made me fear you’d chose the vegetarian option.

Ned: Mhhh I’d rather starve mhhh.

(N: Steak)

8. How do you like to split the bill on a date?

Jimbo: Well that depends.........

Ned: ........mhhh a gentleman pays mhhh.

(N: I like to treat the guy, so I'd pay)

Jimbo: Well....I mean.....it depends whether I can, you know.....’Buy him one’....without it looking weird......

(J: I prefer the bill to be split equally)

9. What's your favourite sexual asset on another guy?

Jimbo: Ah............if I chose dick that means.................GOD DAMNIT I’M NOT TAKING IT IN THE BUTT!!!!! *wants to klick ass*

Ned: Mhhhhooohmmmm....I know someone who mhhhh couldn’t stop staring at mine mhhhh.

Jimbo: Well....can’t deny that......*cough*.....I mean just because I.......I like a nice dick doesn’t mean I am...one of /those/ guys......you know......

(J: Dick)

Ned: Mhhh arse for me mhhh. *grins* Mhhh though I doubt mhhh there’ll ever be one as mhhh good as yours mhhh.

Jimbo: *pulls his hat over his ears blushing hard and biting his lips*

(N: Ass)

10. What do you think is your better asset?

Jimbo: *blushing even more* God damnit Ned just chose any of it, I....I just want to get over with this........

Ned: *smirks knowingly*

(J: Ass)

Ned: Mhhhh length doesn’t matter mhhh. Mhhh it’s how you use it mhhh.

Jimbo: *mumbles* ......yeah..../if/ you get it hard....

Ned: Mhhhh shut up man mhhh. *hesitates then frowns mutely and choses both instead of dick*

(N: I like both equally)

11. How many sex toys do you own?

Jimbo: Ah heck I am not into those rubbery dicks......*gaze quickly darts over to Ned’s voicebox*

Ned: ........ *eyes his voicebox and his prothetic arm suspeciously and make a little disgusted sound*

Jimbo: .......uhm....let’s split our toys up for this, ok?

Ned: *burps* ....no...

Jimbo: What?! Come on Ned! I don’t use this.....this THING Garrison gave me!

Ned: ...........*rolls his eyes and stays silent since he’s not in the mood for debates now*

Jimbo: Alright so...uhm....let’s just pretend it was his birthday present for /you/ then you have.......*calculates silently* ......wait what counts as sex toy anyway?

Ned: ........ *pouts and doesn’t want to use his voicebox right now*

Jimbo: Technically the whip counts as well and.......anything that isn’t inserted right? *he thinks a little more* ........./TECHNICALLY/ military tools count as well.....you know if it’s a fetish......I mean heck people can sell everything in those stores if it turns someone on.

(J/N: I have enough to stock a shop)

Ned: *tries to keep his face unresponding but can’t help chuckling mutely at Jimbo’s answer*

Jimbo: What? They didn’t specify WHAT toy!

Ned: Mhhh ha ha ha mhhh gives a wrong impression Jimbo mhhh.......*he freezes staring at his voicebox.....yuck......don’t think about where Jimbo may have put this. Better disappear into the bathroom and desinfect to to make sure*

12. Do you own a douche?

Jimbo: *responds for Ned while he’s in the bathroom*

(J: No)

(N: Yes)

Ned: .............*reads the answer* ............mhhh it’s because of the opiates Jimbo mhhh. Mhhhh that doesn’t count mhhhh.

Jimbo: A douche is a douche Neddie ~ *he grins* My little bottom ~ *lifts the phone up in the air keeping it out of reach so Ned can’t jump and grab it to change his answer*

Ned: *jumps although he has no chance* ....!!!

13. The first time you had sex with a guy, did you top or bottom?

Ned: *growls silently as he has his phone back and realizes he can’t change Jimbo’s answer anymore* ............

(N: I topped)

Jimbo: *tickles Ned gently under his chin* Hmmm? I doubt someone’s being honest......~

Ned: *burps* Was...not....with....you....*pouts*

Jimbo: ......Well I sure know what I did during /our/ first time. *wants to choose top*

Ned: .....*grabs his voicebox* Mhhhh yeah mhhh......you sucked me off on the ferrie’s wheel mhhh.

Jimbo: Ah.....that.......that doesn’t count! They mean my first /anal/ sex!

Ned: Mhhhh who complained about mhhhh lack of mhhh oral options mhhhh........?

Jimbo: *gnashes his teeth and chooses bottom deeply regretting what he did in nam*

(J: I bottomed)

14. The last time you had sex with a guy, did you top or bottom?

Jimbo: *makes a short relieved prayer* Thanks Jesus for not giving Ned a hard one.......!

(Jesus: *who just happened to pass by outside the window can be heard through the window* “I told you to leave me alone!” )

(J: I topped)

Ned: .......................*refrains from praising Jimbo for his satisfying performance last night*

(N: I bottomed)

15. If you had sex right now, would you want to top or bottom?

Jimbo: I will of course..........*realizes that Ned seems to be sunken on the sofa next to him, sadly looking at his crotch*

Ned: ..........*suffers silently*

Jimbo: I will..........*bites his lip looking between his devastated partner and the option ‘top’, the option ‘top and bottom’ and the last option.* ............I.....I will of course...........*softly* bottom,.....if.......if that is what you want......Neddie....

Ned: ....... *looks up and leans his head against Jimbo’s arm*

Jimbo: So you....you would love to Neddie.....? I mean.......we can.......we can sure find a way to make it work if.........if we give it enough time......*softly pets over Ned’s cheek*

Ned: Mhhh it’s ok man mhhhh.............mhh you know I love both mhhh. *smiles a little leaning into the soft touch*

Jimbo: Me......me too......Suppose I just....uhm......you know, who gives a damn what a dumb online quiz says about us? We are /both/ real guys!

Ned: .....Mhhh yeah mhhh. Mhhh fuck those gay roles mhhh. Mhhhh we’re bi mhhh!

Jimbo: YEAH! You say it! *gives Ned a poke against the shoulder* Screw that quiz!

Ned: ............mhhh curious nevertheless mhhh. *smirks a little*

Jimbo: Alright alright I proceed...............

(J/N: I would want to top and bottom)

Ned: *snuggles against Jimbo, smiling*

Jimbo: Alright your result is.........

(N: You Got: 41% top and 59% bottom!)

Ned: Mhhh fair enough mhhh...now yours mhhh.

Jimbo: Ah damn......you know Ned I am.......I am not feeling comfortable with those......you know.....roles..........

Ned: Mhhh come on mhhh. Mhhh it’s just for fun mhhh. *snuggles him* Mhhhhhh you’re my favourite husband anyway mhhh whatever they say mhhh.

Jimbo: Awww Neddy....*kisses him on the mouth quickly* Alright, alright bring it on!

(J: You Got: 51% top and 49% bottom!)

Ned: *grins* Mhhhhh I love your result Jimbo mhhhh.

Jimbo: *hides his eyes behind his hands, too scared of seeing it* I......I am a top Ned........Neddie right? Please....please don’t tell me I am a pansy.....I........I don’t take it in the butt. I mean....maybe I do but........but it doesn’t mean I am a fag.......I am a manly guy.......Right Ned? It says top......

Ned: .............

Jimbo: *snif* *too scared of looking*

Ned: Mhhhh it says top mhhhh.

Jimbo: It....it does. But.......but how much of it?

Ned: .........mhhhh more top then bottom mhhhh.

Jimbo: *relieved almost crying* I knew it, I knew I’m not a pansy......

Ned: Mhhh don’t worry man mhhh. Mhhh more then 80 percent top mhhh. Mhhhh you’re probably more mhhh top then any other guy in the whole town mhhhh.

Jimbo: Really?

Ned: *puts the phone away as Jimbo opens his eyes* Mhhh yup mhhh. Mhhhh you’ve topping a former box champion mhhh and you’re smashing him mhhh better then his opponents ever did mhhh. Mhhh what more proof you’d need mhhh?

[heretyc]

modern mother Val au [headcanons]

we all need a loving mama Val ♥ modern au because being a mother that runs a cult and shit is hard!!! let’s give her a break, shall we ♥ plus, there are mentions to her past. they’re not canon by any means; just ideas and fillers. 

- Val is mother goals.

- Seriously. She will attend all of your events. Take you everywhere. Show her appreciation and love towards you. A mother that everyone wants and deserves.

- When you were born/younger she spoiled the absolute shit out of you with attention, toys, little cute outfits, whatever your heart desired.

- She could’ve been pregnant or she adopted; whatever you want. Whatever you think is canon. Either way, you’re her little babe and she loves you no matter what. ♥

- She would not put you down for those first couple days of your life.

- If you fell and broke into tears, she’d stay calm and find your little red cheeks to be cute. [and pinchable.]

- She’d put a little, brightly coloured bandaid on the scrape and whisper that you’re fine.

- She needs to be calm so you’re calm. It’s no trouble to her.

- “I know it was scary, and it hurts, but look. You’re okay. My strong little [Name]. ♥”

- She pulls you against her chest- the soft cloth of her dress is nice on your cheek- and she holds you there until there are no tears left.

- Her family was incredibly Religious and had their beliefs pushed onto her constantly. She doesn’t want that for you. 

- You can believe in whatever you want. No judgement will come from her.

- She has to at least give you one hug or kiss a day.

- Halloween is scary for her. She doesn’t trust anybody in costume. 

- She also hates the idea of going to other people’s doors for candy.

- She thinks it’s the “free candy” van trick with extra steps.

- “Oh my god, [Name], is that your friend?! He’s dressed as a ghost. It’s too scary. You’re staying in.” “Mum, he’s wearing a bright pink sheet...” “I don’t care.”

- She buys a bunch of candy on sale the next day to apologize.

- As you grow, you go through a lot of phases and confusion. The emo phase. The anime phase. Whatever else.

- Val supports you through it all. You’re trying to find your true self and she won’t try and stop that.

- But she’d appreciate it if you liked different bands throughout your emo phase.

- “Blood on the Dance Floor? Why would there be blood...on the dancefloor?” She’d mumble to herself underneath your squealing. “There must have been pretty intense dancing for blood to appear...”

- Going out partying is a huge no-no for her. You could end up lost. Or kidnapped. Or something worse.

- She’d prefer you’d party at your own house. With her.

- But instead of loud music and alcohol, she’d crack puns.

- Good ol’ Val.

- She really wants the best for you. 

- At one point, you experience the “sexuality” confusion. You don’t know if you’re bi. Gay. Straight. It sucks and you feel as if you won’t fall in love at all.

- She totally understands and helps you in whatever way she can.

- Then, there’s the makeup phase. You see makeup tutorials on youtube and want to be just as good. You ask your mother to do your makeup and give you some tips.

- Val doesn’t believe in makeup; everyone has beauty within them, whether it’s on the inside or the outside. She doesn’t get it.

- But if it makes you happy...

- She does an awesome job. You feel so pleased and she feels proud.

- Your friends ask who did it. Let’s just say your mother now has a fanbase.

- We all know Val is an attractive woman, okayyyyyy?

- She’s bound to get asked out by men and women all the same. 

- But she rejects them. 

- She only has one person in her life that she wants to adore with all of her heart,

- and that’s you.

- Not only is she attractive, she is the Chief Deacon of your city/town. She gets excellent pay and can work from home if needed. 

- Everyone has insecurities. Even her sometimes. 

- Val does everything in her power to make sure you understand that you’re perfect.

- You may encounter bullies every now and then. But she tells you that they hurt you because they’re jealous, and they probably are dealing with something at home.

- Those bullies don’t last long though.

- Because Mama Val will pick you up at school, tell you she’ll meet you in the car and demand the principal for names once you’re out of the building.

- Grades aren’t really that important to her unless you’re outright failing.

- She won’t get angry at you or yell. Never. That’s not the right way of approaching things.

- She’ll sit you down and talk with you. Ask if anything is bothering you.

- Prom is a thing, and you’ve been asked to go by someone you’ve been interested in.

- Val nearly sheds a tear when she sees you in your prom attire; her pretty babe, looking like royalty, is the light of her life and she feels so blessed.

- The night of the prom is going smoothly. You left an hour ago to go meet your date, and Val gets some chores done. Laundry, sweeping the floors, the usual.

- Until she gets a tearful phone call from you.

- You thought you were stood up. Until your date was seen with the popular girl at school.

- Val is now angry as fuck and doesn’t get why someone would do that to another individual. 

- You ask her if she can pick you up from the front of the school. She’s already getting her boots on and grabbing the car keys.

- When she sees you, she sees swollen eyes and messy hair.

- She makes snacks and you both watch your favourite show until you fall asleep on the couch.

- Val takes note of your soft breathing and chuckles. You were so cute.

- She drapes a blanket over you and puts your head in her lap after grabbing a book and a hot drink.

- But when she’s done, she takes you up to your bed and goes into her own.

- Imagine her happy tears when you graduate.

- Her baby!!! Graduated!!!!!

- Vacation time!!

- She takes you to wherever you want. You worked your ass off and graduated. This is your present!

- Wanna visit the caribbean? She’s got sundresses all packed. 

- Planning on going to Finland? She has coats all packed. And more coats, and yeah you get my point. 

- She’s from the south. She doesn’t like the cold.

- But she’ll do anything for her babe!!

- The day you moved out killed her internally.

- She texted you. Every day.

- Wholesome pictures are sent to you every morning.

- “Make sure you stay hydrated.”

- She does not understand what memes are. Please help her, she’s suffering.

- Her friend sent her a meme and she doesn’t understand a damn thing lmfao.

- Overall, she’s a caring, lovely mama and would cross lava for you. ♥

- ...But she recently bought Cheetos and those are hers. Don’t ask for any.

- Trust me, I asked. I got nowhere. 

#outlast 2 val #outlast 2 #val outlast #outlast 2 headcanons #outlast headcanons #val headcanons #mama val makes an appearance #enjoy!!! #<3

[incorrect-sides-quotes]

Darn, I was hoping to see "the sentence the word appears in" as in all the sentences the word appears in, but you had to do it the boring way -"the" anon

well, i can certainly go through all the “the”s that appear in the search bar if that’s what u want but i’m just going to do 50 of them because it’s a lot

also i now realize that a lot of these are in like. directions rather than dialogue or whatever but it’s ok

“It would appear that under the extreme circumstances, he managed to burn out all of his magic. All of it. Including whatever makes familiars … well. What makes them familiars.”

Caroline, putting an origami snake and box of chocolates on the next to the bed: are you feeling okay? 

“I make the stupid decision; I suffer the consequences.”

You are used to the glow of lava and the scorching air of your home, but her lips against yours burn in an entirely new way.

“ok there’s no easy way to say this but. *takes a deep breath* that was the tenth demon summoning this week, holy shit.”

“this isn’t about how you don’t understand how good cinnamon candles are, this is about the demon summoning”

There’s really no point in trying for the stereotypical front door kiss since you both live in the same house so you ask her when you get out of the car instead.

“The stars were made for us” Miranda says, stretching her arm up to the skies as though she could reach them. 

Laurel: the queen herself! to what do I owe the pleasure?

“And this lady accidentally knocked her coat off the back of her chair.”

I’m not sure how to convey the same emotion without the use of glasses.

Sky, jumpscaring the humans and the pretending-to-be human: what are you doing in my forest!

Everyone: *screaming or various other sounds of “What the fuuuuuck”*

Sky: *sighs* ghosts are a completely different division why do you humans lump all the supernatural together

Sky: I dunno. Never had anybody’s name before. Hey Jeannine, why don’t ya step off of the path for me?

Sky: clearly, Katniss, you don’t understand the gravity of the situation

 “Don’t make me get the big guns involved. Come on, even just 10 minutes away from the computer screen will help, I promise.”

Gemini bitch: the landlord said we’re allowed to have small pets… riiiiight???

Gemini bitch: I am not separating the children. They deserve a stable household! With multiple loving parents!

… Tall. : u know the whole nuclear family thing is bs right?

Gemini bitch: you’re my bestest fwiend in the whole entiwe wowwd~~~~

They’re not the perfect couples that media would have you believe though. Rarely do you ever see soulmates together. The strings are a tangled mess, just like everything else in life. 

the town had always been pretty superstitious.  and now they turned to superstition to explain the disappearance of a girl they had never cared about before.  there were always rumors that the fae lived in the woods outside of town.

but Nathan has convinced the two of you to help him go over the case.

Their memories are warped by time and exaggeration and the rumors and myths they had bene hearing for the past half a century.

“Heya! The name’s Miranda!  Can I get yours?”

“That’s right bitches; I’m the star of this show”

“And you thought coming to me was the best idea?”

Your days spent with her have been some of the greatest days in your life, through the arguments and the stress of college and everything.

You feel guilty that you’re relieved when she says she feels the same way

For years you’d wondered the context of those words tattooed on your right wrist and now you have the answer, you were at a fucking Mario Kart tournament.  At least it’s not as bad as “you can go to hell,” which are the words she’s had on her left wrist for twenty-some years.

“Deceit you bastard! What the hell did you do?” (oh look i guess there was some fanfic in there)

“In a viRTUAL REALITY?!!!?!” Laurel echoes. Quite loudly for an echo. “What the FUCK is this supposed to be? First it’s a televised TV show and now it’s a fucking virtual reality game?! Why the fuck won’t you let us leave!!!!”

Despite the very angry person yelling in her face, the lady seems unfazed.

L:“What the FUCK do you mean volunteered!?!!!!”

More flustered than you’ve ever seen him, Nathan tries to hide his face by retreating into the hospital bed sheets.

 Monokuma: I’m sure it’ll be of use to you in the near future~

“plus the author doesn’t know what romantic attraction is either so it’s rather difficult for me to actually tell you.”

“Oh good! You’re awake!” She exclaims before grabbing your hand and dragging you out to the living room

And somehow, she’s become the only person you trust in this fucked up game.

“The goal’s to hit the target you know!”

The night skies are so different in this fae realm and you think you could stare at them forever.

Okay, maybe hate’s the wrong word. 

You wonder what life is like for all the other universe versions of you. The ones that can fall in love.

Nathan does whatever the equivalent of a spit take is if you don’t have water. Probably just a lot of coughing.

The snakes visibly recoil.

“I felt a disturbance in the force,” M jokes, even though they’re all from universe that most definitely does not have Star Wars or even movies in it

Nathan: the one who made you a fae?

N: I’m glad I know you 😊 I’ll try not to kill you if we meet on the battlefield.

[Disaster bi 2: electric reboogaloo changed Gemini bitch’s name to “The original disaster bi”]

#asks #ask game #not a quote #not ts #tw deceit #long post

[rebeltheanomaly]

Roughdraft/Notes on Grieftale Act 1 Part 3

Papyrus turns around and spots you. "AH! HUMAN! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE SPIKES, THEY'LL GO DOWN WHEN YOU SOLVE MY PUZZLE!" he grumbles to himself "THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET PEOPLE TO SOLVE THEM" then he perks up "REALLY? YOU HAVE A PUZZLE? HAVE I FINALLY MET SOMEONE AS PASSIONATE AS ME?" *Grins* The manufacturer doesn't need it, the buyer doesn't want it, and the user doesn't know he's using it. What is it? "OH! I KNOW THIS ONE! SANS TOLD IT TO ME WHEN HE WAS FEELING MORE LAZY THAN USUAL! IT'S A TOMB! *his grin falters a tiny bit, just to the point that it looks like a condescending smirk* Here's another one, would you rather know the date or cause of your death?* "HMM I DON'T KNOW THIS ONE..." He bends over and rubs his chin and he tries to think. 

*Asks another disturbing question* Would you rather murder 3 innocent children or 3 of your closest friends? "I- I WOULD NEVER MURDER ANYONE! THE ANSWER IS NO ONE!" Papyrus cries. "THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY! *smile falters, but is internally laughing like a maniac at what is in his eyes, a "Pathetically Naive Idiotic Child who doesn't see the world for what it is", he makes his face one of concern to mask his true intentions* Oh, i'm sorry... I just... Tend to dwell on those things.... Being through what i've been through will do that to you.. Papyrus looks concerned... then perks up. "HERE! SOLVE MY PUZZLE! IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER! THEN WHEN THE SPIKES ARE DOWN I CAN GIVE YOU A BIG HUG!!" Ok...*looks around at the puzzle, strategizing, then completing it with ease* "YAY! YOU'RE SO GOOD AT PUZZLES!!" He exclaims, pulling you into a hug. "YOU MUST CARE ABOUT PUZZLES LIKE ME! YOU'LL LIKE NEXT NEXT ONE EVEN MORE!!" He runs off, even floating off the ground, and you see sans a little up ahead, waiting for you apprehensively *Sans senses the demon still in control, and can feel it's aura, it's nothing like Chara or any other fiend he's had to deal with....* Sans feels for the knife in his pocket, gripping it tightly. he stares wearily at you but doesn't make a move, since his brother is still alright. "Hey kid... about what you were trying to do earlier..." he can't seem to bring himself to make eye contact. "nevermind. good job on the puzzle. go on, my brother is waiting for you. just... don't try anything you might regret, okay?" *Grins* The other kid will regret.... *he then walks off* sans's eyes go dark and he tenses, holding himself back. "Calm down sans." he thinks to himself. "They haven't done anything yet. You made a PROMISE." *He runs along, tripping on an icecap "hey, watch the hat!" icecap snaps. "i mean, what hat? i don't have a hat." *grins and runs off with his hat, leading him on a chase* "H-hey! i need that to look cool!" i cries, chasing you up the hill *grins evilly* Have it your way then... *throws it and... basically cuts his head off, like that one guy from Mortal Kombat...... FATALITY!! he turns to dust, his body first, then his head with a shocked expression that says "the ironyyyy" you're now at the top of the hill, and you can see that to safely cross the ice you need to solve another puzzle *goes on, sees the nice cream guy's stall* He looks over at you enthusiastically. "Hey there! Care for some nice cream? It's the frozen treat that warms your heart. I started my own business! See-- every nice cream has a nice message inside the wrapping!" he pulls one out and offers it to you *the gelato suddenly melts and pools at his feet, way more then what's possible, to the point that he's standing in a puddle of it. Suddenly, a giant hand comes out of the puddle and crushes NCR (Fallout joke) guy in it's fists. Lucian looks upon the gorified rabbit creature and sniggers* Guess it's not just revenge that's best served cold... (Insert CSI "Yeaaaahhh!" here) nice cream guy gurgles, his blood turning to dust. he looks down at you with tears in his eyes as his head disappears. You see a fork in the path, the right leading down a hill where you can see sans standing at the bottom, not noticing you. L:*grins, then grimaces, he felt an unpleasant sensation as his skin touched a certain kind of metal, which is picked up by one of Alphys's cameras.... (FORESHADOWING HIS WEAKNESS) He growls and takes whichever path leads to a dead end, scowling to Sans's amusement, though he doesn't know the true extent of his evil yet, he at least knows it's taking control of the kid's body, and that's never a good sign* you find another door to the ruins, with mushrooms in the front. on your way out you find a deer-looking creature, adorned to his dismay with christmas decorations *Ignores it at first, he then takes a vial of blood out of his pocket and rubs it on the burn, soothing it* the deer notices and grimaces (or is that just its face) "that's disgusting." it says. Sans looks over to you, curious. "SANS WHY ARE YOU NEVER WHERE I NEED YOU TO BE" you hear from up the hill. Sans looks up and disappears, leaving you with the deer. (Grins and splashes the rest of the bottle in the deer's face) The deer groans in disgust, rubbing their face in the snow *He finds the decorations become incredibly heavy* the deer is unable to lift their head from the snow, they start to suffocate and struggle, kicking wildly until they run out of breath and energy T^T (The child's leg suddenly turns into a talon as it crushes the Deer's head in with it, grinning) It's so annoying i can only show parts of my true form while i'm stuck in this hideous body... *His leg changes back* But atleast i'm making good progress.. you peer into the cracks in the walls and spot eyes, upon further inspection an entire family of deer are stuck in the ruins, they watch with bloodshot eyes, seeing through you, as if they've stared outside for so long they've lost touch with reality *Looks at them, kinda liking their appearance* Hehe.. *pulls out his Bladed gloves he got from the box, grinning madly* *He lunges at them, ripping one clean in half* (Meanwhile, Alphys discovers an archive on the last creature that had a Crimson soul) Computer: A soul of true evil, those who possess this soul come to spread suffering, madness, chaos and misery. They gain incredible power, and if they manage to kill everything that opposes them they can even destroy the world and remake in their own twisted image. The last one with a Crimson soul comes from prehistoric accounts, when monsters were in their dark ages, for humans hadn't yet came into existence. The Crimson Devil caused several disasters and countless fatalities that happened before earth’s continents were separated. *She sees truly terrifying images, which seem to be artist's interpretations of the event... she has too warn them* Lab:*Alphys's Lab A.I. responds to the words from the computer* So, is it ok to start panicking? "oh my g-goodness, o-oh my!" she gasps, watching the (dog army?) get ripped limb from limb. "this... this is what the files were talking about! i h-have to warn everyone!" she fumbles with her phone, dialing undyne or asgore or anybody that could help. Lab A.I.: Wait.. *rewinds it a little bit, seeing Lucian burn himself on that metal* Do you see that? "Th-this could change everything! I c-can save everyone! oh my gosh, I have to investigate!!" Lab:*scans it* Platinum... Maybe you should look at the archives for the Platinum soul… She scurries to the opposite wall (not visible in the game), which is lined with shelves covered in books. She begins scanning for a book relating to human souls or platinum. The Crimson, unyielding Malice, The Charcoal, Unending despair, and the Platinum, Undying hope... The Crimson will rise and bring utter cataclysm to the world, having learned from it's past mistakes, it will target the one who is destined for the weapon that last took its power. After taking the the body, it will suppress the soul until it is weakened enough to take the body of them, then will challenge the most powerful being that it hasn't yet destroyed, _S__E_ __E___R All will seem hopeless, until the Platinum, along with the Crimson's victims, will all empower the being, now godlike. Even for all the power it has gained, it will fall back to lick its wounds, but not before inflicting the Platinum with an utterly despairing melady The Platinum will turn Charcoal, and even though most of the damage has been reversed, the destined one's family will still be dead by their hand. They will only be saved when the following has been achieved: "The Angel will fall upon belief he is a demon His newfound comrades will cause him to rediscover meaning in his life A black weight will lift on his shining heart And so the new age will begin" i’ll call undyne and we can both support the charcoal soul so it can become platinum again! Lab: Are you really willing to take that chance? Alphys, this isn't some Anime you watch, this is real life, i mean that Prophecy could be only partially true, i mean, this was back when Monsters still believed in Gods for Science sake. (Atheist humor) “monsters will believe again after asgore becomes one, just like i believe in this human!! undyne is going to help too, i just know it!” she dials and explains the situation to undyne, who immediately interrupts her with “WHAT? THERE’S A HUMAN?? WHERE?” Lab:*lets out a long groan* Welp, we're screwed... alphys: oh hush, look we can see the platinum soul in action!! L:*is ambush comedied by Snowdrake* "M.. m.. macaroni and freeze! You gotta chill out, man, or i'll fight you in cold blood!" You slash him across the face. "You're not funny." "THIS won't be funny either!" He cries, sending crescent blades at you, which you dodge effectively, except you slip on the ice a little and take a small cut in the neck. You growl. "Is your flesh rotten as you?" he heckles, continuing to attack you. You dodge more easily this time and get close, smirking. "..heh." You say, staring him right in the eyes. "What are YOU laughin' at?!?" Snowdrake barks, pretending not to be upset. You wanna hear the biggest joke of all? (Incoming Joker reference) "i bet it won't be better than mine." he utters with false bravado *Proceeds to insert nihilism into his head* Everything! All you creatures have ever valued or worked for.. I't all ends... So why care about anything? When everything burns... *grins sadistically as his words worm their way into his mind* One day, you and everything you care about will be gone, and no one will remember it... Life is but a successful virus clinging to a speck of mud suspended in endless nothing... They struggle to make a retort, and slink away utterly crushed… *Grins and manifests his newfound despair as endless jokes playing in his head, constantly reminding him of how pointless everything is, he eventually can't take it anymore...* snowdrake bursts into tears, wiping them away uselessly with his wings. he approaches the river... and just keeps walking until he falls in "as if by accident". in his head he thinks "i guess i walked into that one... ugh that was terrible." he lets himself sink to the bottom, letting out all the air in his chest. (grins and walks on, finding the snowman) Lab: YOU SEE alphys: he was just being rude, he didn't kill him! he just walked off!) "hello traveler! i wish i could see the world like you... please, take a piece of my snow, so that i can?" Lab: I picked up something from that, he was using despair fields to manipulate his emotions... And don't tell me that grin doesn't just scream "Sadistic Psychopath" to you. L: *grins and melts him with Crimson energy, kicks him into the lake, and walks away, he doesn't see the thing rising out of the lake behind him Alphys: What happened to that snowman??? Lab: the negativity magic he radiates... it could have merged with his snow. when he hit the water it froze around him. Lucian:*turns around and grins* This should be interesting.. the ice golem trudges out of the water, its yells incoherent, though if you concentrated you think it might be saying "betrayed" It sends a shower of ice shards down at you *His body lights up in flames of Hatred, then jumping into the golem* your searing heat melts straight through it, leaving a gaping hole in the middle. In the middle hole is a very small, broken soul, which turns to dust. The golem shudders, and turns into water, dousing the area. (grins at his work, he walks on, once again seeing the damned flower) I suppose you want to die too weed? Flowey looks almost intimidated. he's not doing a good job of hiding his nervousness. "unlikely, you overpowered idiot. I'm the prince of this world's future, and you'll get what's coming to you." (he ends up trying to fight back, which happens several times btw) (L guffaws) Goat boy, you had your chance long ago… Flowey starts to grow taller and taller, yet still staying proportional. His face turns dark and twisted. "Now's fine, you idiot" (L's host gains claws, wings, a scorpion-esque tail, and horns) Hehe, you pathetic creatures are all the same... Either too dumb to live, or too weak to fight… Flowey's vines strike the ground like spears, which you dodge successfully, but you get slashed across the arm (not too serious) by one of the last ones. "If it's dumb but it works then it's not dumb, trashbag." flowey says, grinning. (grins) The more damage you do to me, the stronger I become... (tail slashes him) “What? That doesn’t even make sense, you’re just saying that to look cool.” flowey retorts, curving his body away from the tail and sending a shower of pellets Then let me show you... (he realizes attacks that are supposed to do damage only give him more Hp, Atk, and Def.) "What the hell?! HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT?!?" He attacks you with all he has (he pins him to the ground, and stares into his eyes) You clearly don't realize what you're up against! "I..." shit! he thinks. I have to get away! he shrinks at an unexpected rate, weakening your hold of him. He wriggles back into the ground. "don't think this is over, barf brains." he heads for alphys' lab. (he grins and wanders on, wondering if there's any more monsters on the way to snowdin) You approach the bridge, Papyrus and sans waiting on the other side. "HUMAN! THIS IS YOUR FINAL AND MOST DANGEROUS CHALLENGE! BEHOLD! THE GAUNTLET OF DEADLY TERROR!" Deadly objects pop out of a wooden structure above and below the bridge. "WHEN I SAY THE WORD, IT WILL FULLY ACTIVATE! ONLY THE TINIEST CHANCE OF VICTORY WILL REMAIN! ARE YOU READY? BECAUSE! I! AM! ABOUT! TO DO IT!" L: Go ahead.... "well? What's the holdup?" sans asks his bro. "HOLDUP? WHAT HOLDUP? I'M... I'M ABOUT TO ACTIVATE IT NOW!" "that uh... doesn't look very activated." "WELL... THIS CHALLENGE SEEMS... MAYBE TOO EASY FOR THE HUMAN TO DEFEAT. YEAH! WE CAN'T USE THIS ONE! I AM A SKELETON WITH STANDARDS! THIS METHOD IS TOO DIRECT! NO CLASS! AWAY IT GOES" The deadly devices retract into their positions, and papyrus sighs with relief. he runs off, and sans smiles at you awkwardly. "Well... I don't know what my brother is going to do now. Thanks for playing along, i really appreciate it. Just make sure you understand blue attacks, and you'll be fine." (Grins at him, and references his conflict with gaster) I wonder how your father would react..... Knowing you don't even try to save him.... Sans stiffens, his eyes wide and shocked. He rests his hand against his skull, thinking hard with a manic expression. "k-kid... how do you know about gaster?" (he chuckles) You'll know soon enough... (he walks into snowdin, no one seems to have evacuated yet) Sans watches you walk away, unsettled and shaken. He chuckles nervously, grabbing bunches of his sweater in his fists to keep them from shaking. "Heheh... that's right... they probably learned about him in a reset..." He lets go of his sweater, but his hands are still shaking, so he stuffs them into his pockets. His finger brushes against the cold surface of the knife he confiscated. He thinks to himself "I don't remember a reset where they faced gaster... Jeez, I don't have the energy to deal with this right now." He teleports to the entrance of the ruins, sitting down, looking exhausted from the stress. He knocks on the door without thinking. "Knock kno-" his eyes settle on the slight color difference between the snow and toriel's dust in front of him, and his soul squeezes painfully in his chest. He pulls his hood over his head and brings his knees to his chest, burying his head in them to keep warm. he thinks: "The kid's creepy, there's no denying it, but they've been okay so far. They looked genuinely scared and confused when tori-- It couldn't have been them. It had to be a mistake. In any case, they're good to Pap. I'm sure Papyrus will have fun with them... I have time. I'm just... so tired." His eyes close and he drifts to sleep. (explaining why he doesn't save papyrus) (he looks at all the people, he steps inside grillby's, which has no one but a certain fiery bartender at the moment...) His eyes narrow and he stops cleaning his glass. "I'm sorry, we've just closed." (he grins) Then I'll just take my order and leave... (gazes at him) Grillby stares back without any hint of emotion, clearly waiting for you to order. You can sense he's on edge, but nothing he does gives it away. *He grins and slashes at him* Your life. Grillby sort of expected this based on your behavior, so he dodges quickly and throws his glass at you. You dodge as well, but cause a large enough racket that the bear outside walks in. "hey what's goin' on in here? As mayor i need to know!"

#undertale