#but i refuse to be like you and i reject the notion this stupid fucking website has that that is somehow moralizing

[pinkfey]

I like following you but can you go back to reblogging vg gifs soon, its why I’m here

the genocide of the palestinian people is being broadcast online across every social media platform and they are begging us not to look away and turn a blind eye to their suffering doctors and mass graves and murdered children and final words and you want me to post baldur’s gate or whatever. unfollow me and get the fuck out.

#this is such a fucking weird thing to ask too like. no. #letters #edit: no this makes me so angry actually #tumblr loves to suck its own self righteous dick and act like it’s the social justice hub of the world #yet it’s been the most silent of all social medias about palestine and this person’s audacity is just proof of that #i’m sick of this website’s ‘but this is my safe space’ ‘protect your mental health first’ bullshit excuses #just say it with your full chest. say that the palestinian genocide is an inconvenience to you. say it. #i am so happy your guys’ consciences allow you to turn away and pretend it isn’t happening truly /s #but i refuse to be like you and i reject the notion this stupid fucking website has that that is somehow moralizing #the least anyone with the privilege of looking away can do is bear witness. the least. #and personally i cannot stomach being on this website this past week much less posting about anything else. so i won't.

[praise-suns-and-chill]

On another post a few comments, mine included, had a little chat about what Mashita's thought proccess could have been, during the Confession in the second game.

So I decided to write a little One Shot about it!

This includes Spoilers for Case 7 in Death Mark 2, as well as the DLC of Death Mark 1.

THIS? 

"I'm not gonna be surprised by anything that comes out of his damn mouth." 

Well. 

Fuck. 

He was really eating those words now, huh. 

He could only stare with eyes ripped open as Yashiki explained, his words as trembling as his hands, his eyes avoiding everyone else. 

In fear of judgement? 

Probably. 

Shame? 

Definitely. 

This was wrong. 

This was wrong on every level. 

He was never one to stick to rules but this? 

MURDER??? 

Mashita couldn't even speak at first as Yashiki just continued explaining. No, there had to be something else, every second now he would mention that they did find that girl again alive, there had to be more, there had to be. 

This was wrong. 

But there wasn't. 

There wasn't and he looked as guilty as ever. Having just confessed. 

To murder. 

"You must be kidding me." 

Words uttered in pure disbelief. 

This wasn’t happening. 

There is no way. 

"To think you'd kill someone..." 

Actually, he didn't want to think about that. Not a single bit.  

Yes, everyone had the potential to murder, he knew that better than most, but this was Yashiki. Compassionate to a stupid, suicidal degree Yashiki. 

"Don't blame him for that! He was controlled by the Departed!" 

Oh great, the brat was talking. Mashita glared at her out of reflex alone. 

Why the fuck was she so defensive anyways? Nobody would react like that after their best friend just got killed, what kind of weirdo was this girl??

"Insanity or not, murder is still murder", he snapped back, before his eyes stared back at Yashiki. 

He felt more like he was the one going insane, his mind completely elsewhere as old training just kicked in. 

It was the only thing that made sense right now. 

"Article 199, a person who kills another person is punished by the death penalty or life imprisonment or for a definite term of no less than five years." 

He felt sick of even thinking of this as an option. He rattled down those words out of pure habit, as he had many times before, in the Academy back in the day and his job later. 

"I'd slap the cuffs on you myself if I had them with me." 

He should, but he wouldn't. Why was he saying that, he wouldn't, because Yashiki would never kill anyone. 

God fucking damnit. 

His heart was racing as fast as his mind, his entire body tense, ready to spring at the threat and yet violently rejecting the very notion that there was a threat to begin with. 

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong, wrong, fuck! 

But Yashiki? 

Everyone else, maybe. 

He'd believe Shou, not planned but in affect, too impulsive. Ai too, stronger than she looked, against a stalking fan maybe. Daimon? Doctor, there was always a chance of malpractice. Yasuoka? That old hag definitely had a skeleton in her closet somewhere, if only because she dug it up once because the bones had some weird powers. 

The man who watched the only friends he had get attacked? 

The man who watched his friends get controlled to attack him? 

The man who watched half his friends get cursed into a coma and nearly die. 

The man who was nearly killed himself by the same goddamn spirit.  

The same man who after ALL THAT, still trembling in shock and trauma, barely aware of his own body, STILL refused to think about himself, just for fucking ONCE. 

The same man who looked at a dead spider, the remains of that goddamn spirit and still decided to show compassion to it before ANYTHING else-! 

...

Oh. 

Of course. 

And his body instantly relaxed, as did his mind.  

It didn't make any sense, possession or not. He would never do it. So he didn't. 

"...Let me just say one thing." 

It wasn't like him to get distracted. He had nearly forgotten what case they were even working on. 

"The law only applies if the victim is human." 

#death mark 2 #death mark #shibito magire

[averyxvaughn]

Kept Promises // self para

They should have known better than thinking Max wasn't ten steps ahead of the game. Griffin explicitly told her to lay low, play the hidden ace up the twins' sleeves, but how was she to do that when she couldn't even protect Andre? Avery thought this the perfect opportunity proving herself worthy as a werewolf, capable of handling her own in a fight against another supernatural, and yet somehow, allowed one newborn vampire get the jump on her. She could just imagine the disappointed look in her father's eyes, her mother's dismayed head shake, knowing what a failure she was in her adolescent years, too young to handle the responsibility of one singular mission. A child's active imagination merely running rampant when she knew the reality of her parents. Of course, all of that would have come after giving her cousins a risen hell tongue lashing for involving her.

The sensation of a white-hot burning along her wrists sent Avery's head lulling forward, suddenly shaking the girl awake and pushing a slight gasp from her lips. The lapse of confusion disorientated her for a split second while mind caught up with the rest of her senses. One second, two seconds, breathe and focus, find an anchor. Her gaze landed upon her hands as she yanked as hard as she could, the source of the stinging coming from the silver chains binding her to the chair as if someone knew what they were doing. The work of a hunter if she hadn't known a fang banger wasn't behind it. Still, this place...didn't look like the diner. The room was replaced by floor to ceiling tiles, the kind of sterile stark white aligning more with the confines of a hospital, but instead of reclining beds and medical equipment, showerheads decorated the walls in a uniform straight line. Locker room showers, and from her best guess, the high school boys' to be more specific. She could taste the disgusting flavor of testosterone on her tongue from where she sat in the middle. "Am I in hell?"

"No," Max Lieberman stated, appearing through the entrance and leaning a hand against the frame as a smug expression slathered his features. He totted a gray school backpack, lazily hanging from one shoulder as if he had been on his merry way to class and chose to take a detour instead. Avery would have laughed at the sad notion that she could've been an afterthought had she not known it was well beyond regular school hours. "but you're about to be." She watched him walk further into the room, at least playing bright enough by stopping at a safe distance before he set down the bag. "Do you have any idea why you're here, Little Wolf?" Max folded his arms across his chest and sent Av's eyes rolling at the way he both attempted and failed at bulking out his biceps. As if he didn't scream arrogant vanity already, god, she hated this fucker.

Avery mockingly cocked her head to the side in contemplation, avoiding moving her arms and pulling on the binds, "Let's see, and correct me if I'm wrong," She added as a sidenote. "I'm here because my cousin had the foresight to know what a piece of shit you really are." Calliope turned him down on multiple occasions, Av knew she tried her best being polite about it, but manners should have flown through the window when Max refused to take her rejections with nobility. However, he persisted and broke the law in the process. Pursuing Calli is one situation, roping in a vampire to turn him was a new low. "If you didn't get the hint the whole stalker vibe is a major turn off for her, then you're real fucking stupid."

"You're here," Max ignored the blonde's last insult, bending down to unzip the backpack and taking a moment rifling through in search of what he was looking for. Two textbooks accidentally slid from the bag, causing Avery to experience the irony that any amount of torture he might inflict would have been tainted by something as innocent as Max's science or calculus book. It became a reminder that vampire or no, he was still a high schooler. Besides, the fact he was even smart enough to take the higher level classes shown he likely compelled his way to the top in order to make himself look better. "Because all Calliope had to do was say yes. And all the fire fucker had to do was back the hell off." Max removed what appeared to be a collar with a rectangular black box attached to the front and a remote from the bookbag, "What did they do instead?" Av's gaze followed him as he moved around the chair and stood behind her, wasting no time fastening the collar around her neck before she realized exactly what it was. The remote should have been a dead giveaway. "You conspire to throw my head at the council's feet. Did they really think I wouldn't know about you, Avery?" Max made his way back around the chair and raised the remote control in his palm, "Whatever, bad dogs get punished."

"Did you really think poking and prodding Griffin at the school dance would've sent him on a rampage? Unlike your impulsive psychopathic ass, he has some self-control." Avery thought for a split second this was a bluff, a scare tactic, as the vampire fiddled with the buttons. He wouldn't seriously torture a little girl, right? Going after the niece of a coven leader, the daughter of a well-trained human and a respected pack advisor, racked up an automatic list of enemies who would tear Max at the seams where he stood for even touching her. And there was Griffin, showing an extreme protectiveness over family and waiting until the asshat bothering his sister received his just desserts from the council. No one hurt Avery and lived. Any shred of doubt disappeared the second Max pressed the button, sending an electric current jolting through Av's body and forcing her back to arch, pushing a groan of pain from her lips. The shock lasted a few seconds, unlikely on the higher setting, but to her, it felt like an hour. "Seriously?" She breathed, obviously winded, but too stubborn to show it. "Yep, Calli will definitely want to screw you now."

"Open your eyes, mutt, you're not understanding the position you're in. This isn't about getting Calliope to fuck me anymore." Max tapped the menu icon button, growing distracted by adjusting the settings. The previous voltage wasn't enough to ignite a lightbulb barely, if he wanted results, it was the only way proving his point by increasing the shocks. "It's about revenge. I wasted years of my life, years, clamoring after that girl. I offered her gifts, favors, slapped on the charm and tried being a goddamn gentleman, and where did that get me? Constant dismissal at every turn. I've twisted my whole world upside down, hell, I've fucking changed my species for her and she's still a cock tease." A scoff escaped from his mouth, head shaking, "And don't get me started on Griffin. Is it really that hard to blow a gasket and almost torch a gymnasium with witnesses? Obviously, that plan failed, but I had a new one."

Max provided no time giving her a chance to offer any sarcastic response that would've cascaded from the girl before his thumb slammed on the button gleefully, sending a maximum electric charge pumping every inch of her muscles from head to toe. It was unlike any sensation she experienced before and she couldn't conceal the pain this time. Mixed signals began misfiring in Avery's brain, shooting spasms in all directions, and sending her whole body into agonizing convulsions. Head tossing back, sharp points jabbed at her bottom lip as her fangs unsheathed before her eyes cracked open, revealing the glowing golden irises. The screams tumbling out of Av's mouth reverberated along the tiled shower walls and, for a second, she was close to blacking out completely. In that moment, despite refusals giving this fuckface satisfaction, all she wanted to do was beg for him to stop. All she needed were her parents, comforting her, telling her everything was going to be okay. Just as the wolf's vision started growing spotty, Max released his hold on the button. Avery slumped in her seat with exhaustion, barely grappling on the strength keeping consciousness.

The vampire casually strolled over and stood in front of Av, tangling his fingers within the girl's hair and yanking her head up so they were staring eye-to-eye. "He wasn't going out with some dignity, pooch, and that's a sure fire way to piss me off, let me tell you. Didn't bank on your cousin keeping his cool, so I had to do a little improvising." His fingernails scraped Avery's scalp as the grip further tightened. Max didn't mind playing the role of villain, monologuing and laying out the plan when he held the upper advantage anyway. The twins would soon know what became of the little pup they held dear. "Andre was a big help, by the way. I had him pretty much compelled from the jump to keep me updated whenever your cousins popped into the diner." He hummed, "And just when I thought I lost a bit of hope, who should he whisper in my ear about but you, Avvie Av. If there was anyone who'd be the perfect weak spot for Cal and Griff, it's you. Sure, you're young, dumb, reckless, but you're family." Max inspected her face with a smirk, absorbing the way the wolf's half-lidded eyes fluttered and how the vein in her neck pulsed as an enticing call. "I'm going to make them watch as they lose everything, starting with you."

Avery could barely concentrate on the jock's lengthy spiel, feeling the absence of altogether straight up laughing in his face for the ridiculousness he portrayed. Yet, she also felt the shame creeping along her spine that neither she nor her cousins could have made any prediction of how far ahead in the game Max was. The scheming, the lying and manipulation, her role as a secret weapon failed spectacularly. He isn't the clueless quarterback Griffin and Calli initially thought had been put on display in order to fool the town, her predicament shone as a glowing example for this as truth. Make a psychopath a vampire and he possesses the power to bring the humans to their knees.

"Good to know you're one of the idiots that think anger's his only personality trait." She mumbled, the low volume forcing Max to lean in that much closer even though his hearing was near impeccable. "When Griffin finds out what you did, I'll die happy knowing he made good on his promise hunting you for sport, Maxie Poo." Avery's lips stretched in a wide, crazed grin that was equal parts Collins as it was an expression she witnessed on her cousin a small handful of occasions. "They're not the ones losing, you pussy assed bitch...you are." She stole the advantage of their proximity and reared her head back, sending it flying forward and connecting their skulls together as hard as she could, the force sending Max stumbling backwards. Avery's vision grew blotched with dark spots again, but it was worth the price as the vampire roared in agitated pain.

"You little brat!" Max pressed a palm to his temple and ignored the irritating pounding spreading through his head as he turned on a heel after regaining his balance, returning to the backpack with hostile intention. "Mark my fucking words," The vampire hissed vehemently as he removed a labeless plastic water bottle from one of the pockets before giving it a hearty shake. Avery's muscles suddenly tensed the moment she saw the purple tint swirling, knowing immediately what it was. Wolfsbane, toxic to her species, a weakening agent. Honestly, she would rather take the shock collar. "I'm not stopping at the twins. I'll destroy any last shred of surviving Killgrove their parents have left and give the council every reason to hunt their asses down." Av began shaking her head frantically as Max unscrewed the cap before stalking over to the wolf, the vampire clearly relishing the panic crossing her expression. "And then when their bodies haven't even grown cold," Max shot out a hand and gripped Avery's chin between his fingers tightly, forcing her mouth open, "You'll be scraping what's left of your parents from the fucking pavement."

Before Avery could jump the defensive, break his wrist in half, anything, a blistering heat instantaneously unfurled within the confines of her mouth as Max unceremoniously poured a substantial helping of the toxin in and snapped her jaw closed so she could experience the full effects without feeling tempted to spit it out. She struggled, sending the liquid from the bottle spilling in every direction nonetheless before what felt like the flesh of her tongue began singeing away. Avery couldn't tell what was the wolfsbane and what was the irony tinge mixing with what remained of the first layer coating her mouth. The path continued down her throat, however, causing the wolf to choke on a combination of what she was force fed and her own blood. It was only when Max released his hold and took a step back did her body do the one thing it could when needing to rid itself of poison, producing a coughing fit that involuntarily expelled the plant from the girl's lips. She spent the long minute retching and dry heaving before croaking out, "You psychopath." No amount of hatred could fully encapsulate how much she needed to watch him die slowly, painfully, until he begged for mercy.

"Yeah, so what, fuck nugget?" Max replaced the lid on the bottle and threw it back in the backpack, unzipping the side pocket and removing a syringe filled to the brim with the same venom she was given a taste of. From his researching and general asking around, wolfsbane stung like a bitch when ingested, but it could knock out two full grown werewolves when injected. He would need her sedated for the next segment of his plan, as weakened as Avery was already, Max preferred dragging her back to her cousins not kicking and screaming. "I'm so looking forward to rubbing the state of you in their faces." For the second time that night, the corners of Av's lips stretched across her face, smearing the blood still present in the wolf's mouth over the whites of her teeth. The action was unsettling, enough that it caught Max Lieberman off-guard. "What?" He boomed.

Avery turned her head, spitting to the side briefly and then focusing her gaze on a man who would no longer survive the week as far as she knew. "You don't have any idea the war you just started, Maxi Pad, but I promise...Griffin will finish it. I can't wait to watch a vampire get roasted alive like a fucking marshmallow." If it wasn't Griffin or even the council, her parents would guarantee an execution worthy of a monstrous bloodsucker who dared lay a finger on their daughter. Avery had proposed ripping Max limb from limb, well, it looks as if she'll receive her granted wish. No one would pray for this asshole after he was gone, no one mourning his loss. Anyone who raises a son with murderous tendencies maybe deserved the same fate. "They'll be scraping what's left of you from the fucking pavement." Avery slammed Max's previous words back in his face with the level of sass and arrogance her mother might applaud.

Max used his thumb to flick off the cap of the needle with an impatient growl, "It's time to shut the fuck up now, you stupid brat. Jesus, you're more talkative than my mother four beers in." He stepped around and stood behind Avery, learning his lesson the first time by avoiding any possibility of physical contact from the front. Av knew what was coming before he jabbed her in the side of the neck, his finger pushing down on the plunger and littering her veins with the wolfsbane-tinted sedative. Her head slowly dropped, fighting hard against the sleep as she always had when she was younger. "Nighty night, Little Wolf." Max's voice sounded from a great distance, the words drifting through in a desolate echo, and pulling Avery further and further from consciousness. She felt herself beginning to float weightlessly, just enough that it almost seemed peaceful.

It was a world where the pain went away. No Maxwell Lieberman plaguing her nightmares, no shock collars or torture sessions, no councils dictating her home. Bliss, a heavenly paradise. But even in this world Avery knew she would crash and fall with flames when reality set back in. Her life was hanging by a thread at Max's mercy, who pulled the strings and played with literal fire for his amusement. She could either face the destruction or run.

Avery had an execution to attend when she awoke, there is nothing on earth that would ever stop her from being the first in line to see Max fucking Lieberman's head roll. That is an unbroken promise.

#self para: kept promises #tw for torture stuff etc

[melrosing]

the funniest explanation for the "brienne is going to be pregnant with jaime's child" theory i've heard is that jaime has weak pull-out game lol. but it's a given that jb are going to bang and we have to rely on that. i know it happened on the show so people are convinced it's going to happen in the books, but what do you think? i know you're ??? about marriage and children, but don't you think brienne/jaime would want to be married if they ever decide to be intimate? won't it be dishonourable to bed a woman he hasn't married? And i refuse to accept any one night stand/fuckboy jaime theories. sorry lots of questions.

JB banging is telegraphed so blatantly in the books that literally whatever your endgame expectations are, I don’t know how you could deny it. like I’m always in two minds about marriage/kids/Jaime even surviving, but JB are going to fuck. I have litch rally no doubts.

like first off, they’re both aroused by the sight/thought of each other. there’s absolutely no need to include that unless you mean to go somewhere with that mutual attraction. like if GRRM wants them to be a chaste romance, all he has has to do is the standard pining but nooope they’re full on checking each other out and getting hot and sweaty about it. let them fuck!!!

second, both are kind of a chekhov’s gun in the sex department. Jaime states at the beginning of his arc that he’s only ever slept with one woman. and he’s recently broken up with said woman. so. wonder where that’s going. Brienne, meanwhile, is widely known as the Maid of Tarth, with her maidenhood coming up repeatedly: Brienne, despite having desires, likely assumes that she either won’t lose her maidenhood or that it’ll be taken by force at some point – she hasn’t been allowed to view it as something she has much agency in keeping or losing, but obviously she’s never had a safe and caring relationship that would afford her that agency. so, wonder where that’s going. i will tell you. jb bonetown

then there’s that swordfight they have in ASOS, and everyone and their dog has written about the sheer amount of innuendo that’s going on there but the fact remains: the whole point of the scene is to establish JB’s physical chemistry. it says, look how evenly matched they are, look at how they surprise and impress one another: and now imagine what this looks like in bed. the fact that we’ve already had Jaime's whole ‘only feels truly alive when fucking or fighting’ thing is also an undercurrent here, like Jaime's language of passion is in this kind of physicality, and the language of their sparring comprises both: it's Brienne speaking it back to him

and finally there’s just the fact that Brienne and Jaime are both kind of critiques of medieval purity culture embodied by Arthurian figures like Sir Galahad, who pointedly does not fuck and does no wrong. Brienne’s POV literally interrogates heroes like this through Ser Galladon: his story might sounds good on paper, but as the esteemed scholar Nimble Dick points out, it’s no good trying to be this Perfect Knight - we’re all mortal and we have to defend ourselves as such. so I don’t see JB's courtship being used to promote traditional notions of abstention and chastity purported by Galahad, or any kind of courtship that’s somehow ‘above’ ~mortal pleasures~

anyway they’re going to fuck. as for whether they’d wait for marriage, I don’t really think so. once they’ve realised mutual attraction, I don’t see any reason why they’d put off sleeping together: Brienne’s much less of a stickler for tradition than people say, given that she’s actively avoided the traditional route for a Westerosi lady, and in fact is just wandering the Riverlands following her own rules at the moment. she follows her heart and tries not to care too much about what other people think, so if she really wants to fuck Jaime, I don’t think she’s gonna be worrying all that much about what ceremonies ought to go first.

Jaime meanwhile has demonstrated that he doesn’t really care about oaths of celibacy when the desire is pressing enough: he manages to reject Cersei in the midst of a break-up, and he can ignore interest from Pia given there’s no deeper attraction there, but like given what we’ve established is going on between JB… can see his willpower being significantly depleted lol. and as we see with the Night’s Watch, celibacy is a pretty easy vow to break, marriage is a much bigger one, so the wedding is probably the one they’d have the lengthy conversation about, not fucking.

the only thing I could possibly see Jaime thinking twice about is the dishonour it might bring Brienne but lbr: if she says she doesn’t care (and I don’t think she will particularly), then honestly life’s too short. and what’s more, marrying the Kingslayer arguably brings more dishonour and strings attached, so can’t really see Jaime saying it’d be better if they waited till she was Brienne Lannister lol.

buuut they’re both medieval nobles so I imagine they are at least going to consider what marriage might look like. we see with Robb and Jeyne that as soon as a two nobles get together, marriage is gonna at least cross their minds as the next natural step. and there’s enough foreshadowing of that between JB to suggest that they’d both be interested in the prospect

anyway. the GOT one-night-stand stuff is just stupid, who knows what was going through D&D’s minds (if anything), but literally nothing exudes JB less than ‘hey I’m horny and you’re virgin shall we just get it out our systems :)'

#this is a lot of words about two fictional characters having sex lol #jaime x brienne #asoiaf #ask

[sweetness47]

Almost Too Late

This is for @idreamofplaid and @girl-next-door-writes for their ‘They Belong to Us Now’ Challenge. Hope you guys like it! Congrats on your milestones btw.

Warnings: Swearing, death mentioned, dark spirits, kissing at the end, pining I’m going to say PG-14

Prompt #16: If You die, I’m going to kill you.

Theme: AU Castle

Pairing: Sam x reader

Life was good, or mostly. My friends and I hunt monsters, save people from the things that go bump in the night. This isn’t what your thinking though. We don’t drive places. Most of our travel is done by horseback or hiking. The industrial revolution came, left, and is in the process of being reborn, but it’s very slow going.

Every day is a new adventure. It’s just four of us: me, Dean, Sam, and my friend Charlie. Oh, and spoiler alert…I’ve had a major crush on Sam forever! Like seriously. I mentally drool when he talks to me, stands close to me, and my underwear is a sopping mess by the time the day ends. It’s super hard being so attracted to him, especially since he has no clue. I hesitate to bring it up, my worst fear is that confessing my feelings would ruin what we have.

That would kill me.

So I suffer silently. Charlie has noticed my pining, and has tried to get me to admit my feelings to him. But I’m terrified. If I lost him because I chose to share my attraction, I’d never be able to live with myself. I would lose the one thing in my life worth living for, besides friends, and that would kill me, literally.

I’ve pictured all the different ways I could approach the subject. I could casually just walk beside him and slide into my feelings. I could just jump him while everyone’s sleeping (my personal favorite…for obvious reasons) but what if he rejects my advances? I just can’t find an outcome where I’m not overthinking, where I don’t see chances of disaster, of rejection, of heartbreak.

Ugh. FML. Seriously.

**

Our travels bring us to a long abandoned castle. It’s creepy as fuck, but if properly fixed and cleaned up, it could actually be a really good home for us to work out of, a place where we can just hold up and crash, seek safety, keep our belongings we don’t usually need on hunts.

It’s really big, in an intimidating sort of way. I shiver as I walk closer and touch the stone walls. There’s a presence or two here, things that are tethered to this ancient land, to this castle. It’s dark, and dangerous.

And it knows we’re here.

“Guys? We’re not alone here.”

Sam, Dean and Charlie all turn towards me, and wait. They know I’m able to feel things, so if I say to be careful, they listen.

I continue. “I don’t know if there’s more than one, but whatever is in here is dangerous, like deadly. And it already knows we’re here. The good news? It hates light. Bad news though…the sun will be setting in a couple of hours. We won’t stand a chance if we don’t make a plan.”

“Is it worth us even staying? I mean, we could always find another place to shack up.” Dean’s voice tells me he’s going against his heart. He really likes this place as much as the rest of us, but he also knows not to take my feelings lightly.

“Maybe, but how often do we come across such a magnificent place? A lot of castles have long since been destroyed by one disaster or another. With some work, and luck, we could make this our home. I love the idea of having a solid place to rest once in a while.”

I love Charlie. She’s never one to beat around the bush. Straight forward and honest. I nod in agreement, but as I stare at the dark looming windows and the ancient structure of the castle, I can’t help but wonder if Dean might have a point. I personally have never felt something this dangerous before and frankly, I honestly don’t know how to deal with whatever dwells inside.

**

The human called YN is correct, something dark and dangerous does occupy this castle. Me. I am the biggest threat here, the banshee that recently sought refuge here is nothing compared to my dark power.

I am a void, a darkness, sentient and silent. I feed off fear and humans, the ones that are foolish enough to try and remove me from my home. Many have tried. None have succeeded.

I am near indestructible. I revel in the power I possess. I will never let anyone take it from me.

I used to be malicious, hell bent on finding the next willing victim to feed my hungry darkness. Then my brother entity, the one hunters dubbed “the Empty” made a deal with an angel, where the angel would help save what was left of this world and then go willingly into that void.

The anguish I felt from those the angel considered family was horrific. They mourned. I hated the idea that the one like me could be so cruel. We were made for harbouring souls, ones that had no other place to go. We were made to feed on those dead and lost, to grow and suck the life from them. But we were never to make deals to take a willing live being, no matter the end game.

That was what our creator told us. My brother didn’t listen.

I did.

I left because of that. And was punished for it.

Now I am tethered to this stone building. I’ve been here for a long time, and have grown quite fond of the peace and quiet. Most of my energy is gotten from stray animals, or the occasional human. But I absolutely refuse to leave.

So I prepare to fight. I won’t lose this home.

**

Sam peeks through the door and down the dark hall. “Sounds like fun. Shall we?” He grabs a flashlight and steps over the threshold. The moment he does, I feel the change in whatever has possessed this place.

I grab his arm. “Sam, be careful.”

He nods. “Always.”

I snort at that response, because for as much as I love the brothers, they have had a tendency to get into some stupid situations.

Dean follows Sam, then Charlie and I step inside. I’m blown away from what greets us. The first archway we encounter opens to a massive foyer, large enough to rival a grand ballroom, with corridors leading off in all directions, as well as a grand wide staircase, gleaming with gold accents and dark cherry wood railings. All I was missing was the fancy ball gown and a crowd of ballroom dancers to complete the picture.

Honestly it felt like we’d stepped into a fairy tale, but the danger looming in the background dispelled that notion pretty quick. And now that we were inside, I could definitely sense more than one. The first one, the dark presence that resided in the walls, it was intelligent, and it didn’t feel as threatening as the other. Spirit number two was restless, malevolent, and downright deadly.

“Guys, just a heads up. There’s two different entities here, both are dangerous, but one of them is more so than the other. Be careful. We go in pairs. Watch each other’s backs.”

Everyone nods, and Dean whisks me down one hall while Sam and Charlie explore the other. The moment we’re alone, Dean calls me out on what I didn’t say.

“Ok hotshot, spill. What aren’t you telling us?”

I sigh. Dean knows I have a thing for his brother, and has encouraged me numerous times to tell Sam how I feel. He also knows I have a habit of keeping important information from the others when I feel like it could jeopardise an outcome.

I stop and face my friend. “It’s just a feeling Dean. Honest.”

Dean purses his lips as if trying to figure out if my words are the truth. “Ok. But the moment that changes, you tell us. None of this hero bullshit you usually pull. I saw the look in your eyes. Your spooked. And you never get spooked like this.”

He’s right. It’s one of the reasons I’m good at hunting the things that go bump in the night. I don’t scare easily.

I nod. “I know. I promise to tell you if the feeling becomes more. Ok? Can we drop it now?”

He does, but only because I have a tendency to blow a fuse if I’m pushed too far. And I need to be on top of my game if I want to stay ahead of the dark.

An ear-splitting, high pitched scream echoes through the entire castle, the walls vibrating as it bounces off everything it touches.

Dean and I look at each other and say at the same time. “Banshee!!”

We radio Charlie and Sam. They confirm they heard the creature as well, and promise to keep a close eye on their surroundings. I can’t shake the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach though. It’s almost like someone’s going to die…

FUCK!

“Dean! We have to find Sam and Charlie now!”

He takes one look at my facial expression, and whatever he finds there is enough to convince him not to argue. Another banshee scream fills the halls, and we take off back to the main foyer as we try to radio Charlie and Sam. They don’t answer, so we head in the direction they took when we split off.

The horrible feeling grows with each step, and when we stumble upon a broken two-way radio, I swallow hard. Dean calls out, but neither answer. I look at the elder Winchester, who’s grim looks mirror my own.

Suddenly, we’re thrown across the room by the high pitched wail, having been too distracted to notice her presence. I recover quickly, my need to contain her is great, she is a road block in my quest to find my friends and make sure they are all right. I summon my will, and I throw everything I have, everything I am feeling, at my nemesis. Her screams fade as she disintegrates before our eyes.

It’s then we see Charlie and Sam, both of whom are lying on the ground, motionless. Charlie is moaning and attempting to open her eyes and sit up, but my focus is on Sam, or rather his lack of movement. I’m paralyzed by fear when I notice his shallow breathing, the struggles he has just trying to breathe.

I fall to my knees beside him. “Sam? Baby, talk to me.”

He coughs and smiles weakly, blood trickles out of his mouth with each wheeze. “You called me a pet name. I knew you liked me.”

Tears fell as I smiled at his attempt at humor. “Asshole! Don’t you dare try and distract me. I swear Sam, if you die, I will kill you. Do you hear me? I will fucking hunt your ass down and kill you!”

His answer is to chuckle, but it quickly turns to another bout of coughing, and more blood oozing from his perfect lips. He never gets to say what he’s thinking as his lungs give out, and he stops breathing.

My worlds stops. I can’t breathe.

A gasp leaves my lips, and quickly turns into a strangled cry. I fall over him, hugging his still form, begging him to wake up, to come back to me. I can’t live without him.

Why the hell did I pair with Dean? Why? I could have protected him! I’m such an idiot! And now I’ll never be able to tell him I love him, I’ll never hold him again, or kiss him the way I’ve always imagined.

Because he’s gone.

That’s when I feel the other presence, the heartache that mirrors my own. The entity within the walls is feeling my pain, which is weird in itself, like it’s mourning my loss.

So I engage it in conversation.

You…why do you mourn my loss? I ask it in my head.

There’s no delay in the answer I receive. I have felt human loss before, it saddens me. What makes this human special?

I love him. He is everything to me…the air I breathe, the life in my body. He’s my reason for living. Is my answer.

This time there is considerable pause before it talks to me. I can bring him back for you. All I ask in return is to be allowed to stay in these walls. I have grown to like it here.

Deal. If you can save him, I will not harm you. But you can never harm me or my friends for as long as we live in this place.

The entity agrees, and I feel it join with my mind, it’s darkness seeping into my body, taking my power and my connection to Sam. I involuntarily move my hands to hover over his chest, and close my eyes as power is released from me into him.

Sam’s body shudders and suddenly he gasps, sitting upright, his lungs taking in gulps of fresh air. He coughs then looks at me, eyes wide.

And I fold my arms around his neck and kiss him.

It takes about two seconds for him to kiss me back, parting my lips with his tongue. Kissing Sam is everything I imagined and more, he tastes sweet, like cotton candy. I’m crying again, but it’s tears of joy. I eventually tear my mouth from his, needing to say three words.

“I love you.”

His response comes immediately. “I love you too YN. Always have.”

He kisses me again, leaving Dean and Charlie cheering and teasing us to get a room. I look up, and a shadowy figure smiles in my direction. The entity.

Thank you. I manage.

It nods, then fades into the walls.

@idreamofplaid @girl-next-door-writes @drkcnry67 @lyarr24

#they belong to us now #sam x reader #au castle #post apocalyptic

[raekahwritings]

Take one more step for love.

Pairing: Shindo Yo x Reader Rating: Mature/Explicit Warning: Smut, Possessive, Crying, Insecurities, Not-quite-yandere but possibly interpreted. A/N:  @bnhabookclub, N*FW Prompt for "Do as you're told." and College AU. I crunched this out because inspiration hit but it’s not beta-read so forgive me if it seems rushed.

Summary: You keep hiding away from Shindo, trying not to inconvenience him as his girlfriend. You need to learn that love is about sharing the good and bad-- but you don’t know how to change and let go of your insecurities. Maybe just start with Shindo’s simple advice, "Do as you're told."

****

Shindou didn’t like that you were crying. You had climbed out of bed, quietly sneaking out to the couch in a pitiful attempt to leave him sleeping—he was a goddamn pro-hero, you couldn’t sneak out even if you wanted to. And here you were, almost unable to breathe because you were so stressed from college and work. He was your boyfriend but you still avoided showing this side of yourself to him.

Shindo stared from the door, watching you as you tried to calm yourself. Watching you shove the tears away and desperately trying to stay quiet. You were crying and it wasn’t because of him.

He hated it.

Shindou knew best what you needed—so he approached you from behind, wrapping his arm around your neck and startling you.

“Yo!” You took a surprised breath, trying to stifle your uneven breathing. It seemed you could never get the better of him, awake or asleep. “You have a busy day tomorrow—you should be asleep.” You tried to steady your voice. You didn’t want your boyfriend to think of you as weak, not when Shindo was such an amazing pro-hero. He has probably dealt with more than you ever could… and here you were, pathetically beaten by something so trivial.

“I can’t sleep if I know you’re crying.” Shindo nuzzled into your neck and squeezed you placatingly. You tried to crane your head to see him, trying to paste a smile on your face.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing to worry about.”  Shindo’s arms tightened a little bit, maybe uncomfortably so. Because he knew there was some part of you that was still closed off to him. A part of you that tried to throw up a façade—a part that still thought he would leave you.

Baby, it’s never gonna happen. He had told you as much but each time, you had somehow laughed it away and changed the subject. He could see it when you had dismissed his notion of living together, joking about leaving him an escape route, and every time you wistfully left his apartment. It was time to show you that you were his, and he wasn’t going to let you go.

“Y/N, come back to bed.” He tried to cajole you but you squeezed out of his arms, turning away from him as you gathered and tried to compose yourself.

You couldn’t be the one to hold him back. There was some huge hero operation tomorrow and you would just be a hindrance. Even more so because he needed to be on top of his game. He would meet all the accomplished and incredible heroes whereas you were a failure at college. Why is he together with me when there’s so much better people?

You pushed past him to head to the bathroom, stifling back another sob at the thought—you could hide away in the bathroom and let him get some sleep. He doesn’t need to know how stupid I am. “Just go on ahead.” You side-stepped but the brunette blocked you in. “Yo?” You lifted your face, seeing a stormy expression on your boyfriend’s face.

Shindou thought he was calm. He thought he was controlled. Right up until the moment you had tried to push him away. He didn’t know what you were thinking but he had tried to play nice-guy and you had rejected him. Fuck being ‘kind’ and ‘soothing’.

“Y/N, you’re coming to bed and you’re going to stay there.” Shindo put a hand on your back to lead you back; it seemed gentle but you could feel the thrumming of unusual tension in his solid frame. You were confused but let him lead you.

Shindo locked the door behind you, the ‘click’ seemingly absurdly loud as tension rose higher. Your tired eyes tried to track your boyfriend but he dissipated in and out of the darkness—you could hear the sounds of him rummaging in a shelf before laying a gentle kiss on your lips.

Or were you wrong? Shindo deepened the kiss, drawing it out and refusing to let you have air when you tried to pull away. “Hnngh!” When you squirmed against him, your hands pushed a little frantically against his chest. Only then did he let you have a second to breathe. “Yo.” You gasped out but he forced you to fall back onto the bed. His broad arms caged you in as he took in your tear-stained face.

“Y/N, baby. I told you that I want to know everything about you.” He trailed his hand down your arms, glowering at you from above. Shindo liked seeing you below him, trapped in this bed, controlling you. It was a thin line he treaded; he wanted to keep you locked away in safety but at the same time, wanted to show you to the world as his. He trapped your wrists in a possessive manner.

“That means, you don’t get to run away to cry on your own.” He leaned down to lick the salty trails—“It means you get to stay here, tell me about yourself and let me fuck all your stress away.” Shindo needed you to know that you couldn’t just hide the worst of yourself, that his feelings went so far beyond simple desire, past mindless fucking. You didn’t get to decide what was convenient for him, you didn’t set the boundaries here. Love was about jumping all in.

You gave a watery laugh despite everything. “Why is that you can read me Shindo? I thought I was doing a good job.” Shindo smirked at that.

“Babe, you can fool everyone else but not me.” You supposed that was a compliment from Shindo—he was one of the most cunning people you knew. Cunning, manipulative, deceptive to most—but brutally honest when it came to the people he loved and cared about.  

Love.

You didn’t know what it was like to love wholly. To cry on somebody’s shoulder, to have them stay beyond the insecurities, beyond the arguments, and not have them leave. “I don’t know what I can do to change.” You shook your head, a little desperately and panicked because what If you lost him?

“Baby.” Shindo cooed, letting his burgeoning erection grind against your own panties. “Start with this. You do as you’re told.” You couldn’t help but start to move in rhythm with him, giving a bit of a breathless moan. “And that means, you get to let me fuck you until you can’t think of anything but me. I heard it’s good stress relief.” He slid his hand down your hips, down to your thighs and savoring the feeling of your plush softness.

You writhed beneath him, hoping he would do a little more.But Shindo just pulled away and tutted at your impatience.  He drew back, pulling something from his pocket.

“Do you trust me?” Shindo gave you a questioning look. You nodded—knowing Shindo would never truly hurt you. He reached behind his back, then looped a cloth over your eyes and tied it. “Baby, then you’re gonna lie there. You can’t move, you can’t run because you’re embarrassed alright?”  You inched your thighs closer…. What did that mean? What did he have planned?

“Oh, don’t worry. You can use our little safe word if it gets too much but until then, I want you to let me pamper and spoil you.” You were a little relieved.

Then his next words had you taut. “Until then... You’re gonna let me eat you out until you’re crying and begging me to stop. Then when I get my fill—I’ll show you how beautiful you are, your cunt and ass open to my grand cock. You’re going to be crying for a whole different reason.”

You blindly reached up for your possessive lover—trying to believe in him, wanting him to break apart this insecurity within you apart and to rebuild yourself so you could wholly commit to this relationship— “That’s a grand statement huh?” You locked your legs around his hips, feeling his heated promise against your aching, throbbing core.

Shindo hummed. “Go big, or go home right? In this case, you’re right where you need to be. Just let me love you.”

#shindo yo #shindou yo x reader #shindou yo #bnhabookclub #bnha fanfiction #shindo x reader #bnha smut #bnha #discord server #dialogue prompt #boku no hero fanfic #boku no hero academia #fandom #bnha x reader #boku no academia

[moonstarfem]

I’m so so tired of the beauty standards that exist for black women. I’ve watched a few YouTube video essays about it recently and reading the comments made me so sad. I just feel like black women dedicate way too much time, energy and money on this shit and it’s not doing anything for us. A lot of women were talking about how they just want to be “seen”…but why is the need to be validated more important than feeling comfortable and secure within yourself? Maybe I’m just growing up and realising how useless it is to want to be seen as beautiful by everyone in the world. I just want black women to reject all of this shit. I feel like we’ve long gone past the stage of being predominantly influenced by society's eurocentric standards. It’s transitioned from that to us creating our own (still harmful) standards which are then continually enforced amongst the black community. Especially when it comes to hair. Even the natural hair movement was sabotaged by the obsession with curl definition and wanting to avoid “dry-looking” hair. Like, these standards aren’t any better than the ones society enforces just because it was us that created them. It’s all rooted in anti-blackness no matter who it comes from.

I also hate hate HATE people buying into the notion that everyone just so happens to think that black women are undesirable. I've seen people say things like, "black women are always seen as masculine" which confuses the hell out of me. I'm sorry but what does that even mean? Where has this sentiment come from? Because this could not be further from the truth. I refuse to download that godforsaken app, but I've seen tik tok videos shared of young black girls complaining about their "masculine" faces when they couldn't look any more female. White TRAs love this shit too. They LOVE to claim that black women aren't always "seen" as women and have had to "fight" to be recognised as female. And it's hella convenient for them when black women buy into that rhetoric and start to believe that they have to work harder to have their beauty recognised. We already have so much going against us that we have to fight to overcome, to then have to worry about the way that we look.

To some extent, I feel as though some responsibility has to be taken for what we dedicate our energy towards. I feel like waaaaay too much attention is given to how much value we are seen to have and whether this is externally validated or not. Social media really isn't helping with all this shit either. People make it seem like black women have to do the most to have an existence that's worth living. Too much importance is placed on the acceptance of others. It's really not worth it though. In a world where black women aren't made to feel beautiful by society and sometimes our own people, the most freeing thing you can do is live for yourself and reject all these stupid beauty standards.

I do recognise how challenging it is to do this though. They say representation is important, but when all of our representation in the media is of flawless, made-up, glamorous black women with perfect straight/wavy wigs, it is difficult to turn around and say, "fuck it. I don't care about any of this shit anymore". It’s a huge thing to do and it’s particularly difficult when it comes to hair. Compared to non-black women, this is the one thing that is considerably more challenging for us to reconcile. It's something that I've yet to make peace with myself, tbh.

I have extremely dense, 4C hair that has been natural for around 5 years now. I've had TWAs, braid outs, twist outs, wigs, braids, crotchet & head wraps. My hair still ends up being the bane of my life though lol. I love my natural hair and have enjoyed seeing my coils flourish, but as someone who is not good at/hates spending a lot of time doing my hair, it's hard to find a good balance. I've been doing lots of research on different types of locs though and think that they're the right choice for me. Unlike many of the hairstyles popularised in the natural hair community (which are more easily achievable for type 3 naturals), locs are pretty much perfect for 4C hair. I can’t even explain the joy I felt when I came across several resources confirming that MY hair type was actually ideal for once.

Anyway, this post was a bit of a mess and I’m not sure how to conclude…but I've just had all of this on my mind for a while now and wanted to air it out.

#beauty standards #black women #long ass rant #black hair

[foulserpent]

you constantly post about the weird eso fandom that hates meridia for killing some kind of eso onceler but I still refuse to believe it exists. it’s like learning sanders sides exists. the brain simply rejects the notion that any functioning human being could have that caliber of emotional response to something so fundamentally fucking stupid and meaningless as generic male characters in a generic mmorpg

it does. i dont have a good handle on the people involved and i actively choose not  to know because i would literally rather die than have tumblr people beef with me over this, but i have SEEN the posts. like i remember a couple posts that were literally like callouts for meridia listing all the bad things meridia has done, one post screencapping the bit of uesp that lists molag bal’s followers calling her a bitch and being passed around as a cool epic win

ive also heard unconfirmed reports of a couple hateblogs for meridia and heard about almost a trend of creating ocs existing to be victimized by meridia. idk. its out there

also if you or anyone you know is being referenced here, please understand that i genuinely honest to god do not know the names or urls involved and that i am not beefing with you. i dont follow eso heavy blogs. i literally do not know who you are

#anon #oh and for reference the dude theyre mad over is a creepy het womanizer type #my character imril is an ex-champion of meridia who was very much abandoned by her in a callous cruel way and i worry that im coming off #as doing that which its like. no im just writing a daedric prince being a daedric prince i dont think shes any worse than my faves #which are fucking boethiah and hircine #and peryite but peryite actually might be on the 'nice' end

[hobiorbit]

teacher, teacher I

pairing: kim seokjin x reader warnings: future smut, reader is younger than jin by a year, mentions of alcohol, crude language, future smut probably summary: in which kim seokjin is not a dumbass, math is just something only weird people get the hang of.

Kim Seokjin is not a dumbass.

He rejects this entire notion, always getting too flustered and angry to even refute the argument, leaving himself panting and red in the face from trying to defend himself.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being behind in a subject or two. It happened to a lot of people, and Kim Seokjin is neither the first, nor will he be the last to fail a math class. Anyways, it’s not as big of a deal as everyone (including his parents and his a-hole friends,) makes it out to be.

This is what Seokjin repeats to himself as he walks into the same math class he did on the first day of school the year before, greeted with a multitude of people a year younger than him- some were even two years younger, the math wizards.

“It’s good to see you again, Mr. Kim.” His old math teacher, Ms. Choi had said when he walked past her desk. He grunted a somewhat polite greeting back, trying to calm the flames crawling up his neck when he heard a couple kids whisper and repeat the word ‘again?’ Yes, again, you smart fucks!

“Your seat is next to Y/N, the girl in the front on the right. I expect this will be the last year I’ll be seeing you, right Mr. Kim?” The teacher asked him as he gripped his backpack strap tighter in anger in embarrassment.

“I hope so, Ms. Choi.” Seokin grits, turning on his heel to walk to the front of his classroom, zeroing in on the head of hair the old woman pointed out. It looked healthy. That was Seokjin’s first impression.

His second impression, simplified, was holy fuck. Seokjin had seen plenty of beautiful people in his life, himself included, but you were on an entire different level. He’d need to make an entirely new schema just to categorize you.

Your eyes were wide and beautiful as you looked at him in surprise, tearing your earbuds from your ears when he plopped down in the desk next to you. He muttered an apology for startling you, partly because he felt bad and partly because he wanted to put a voice to this pretty face of yours.

“It’s okay. I should’ve expected the seat to be taken anyway… I’m Y/N, I suppose we’re seatmates.” You smiled kindly. Seokjin returned your smile, stretching his full lips in reciprocation to ease your anxiety. He was nothing if not a gentleman.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Seokjin, my friends call me Jin. You can too if you want.” Seokjin replied, setting his backpack down beside him after taking out his way too expensive calculator and his trusty pencil he’d managed to keep for the last two years, an amazing feat for him. Hoseok had accused him of sorcery, as most days the other boy could barely keep track of the same pencil for the entire day.

Before you could say anything else, Ms. Choi had gotten straight to teaching. Seokjin sighed, silently berating his past self for making him sit through another year with the woman. She wasn’t an inherently bad person- just one of those hardass teachers that somehow prided themselves on getting kids to hate them. Seokjin refused to feed into her complex, constantly trying to pretend everything she did wasn’t a bother to him.

You, on the other hand, seemed hardly bothered at all. You took everything she said with grace, answering each question she threw at you easily when she thought you weren’t paying attention. Choi thought she’d won by sitting you next to the abnormally attractive upperclassman, but you seemed to be fine. Seokjin was respectful, but partner projects were shared grades.

“How do you understand this?” Seokjin asked you, two full weeks after the school year had started. It was now his second time going over this material and it was just as confusing as the first. You shrugged, turning to smile at him. Everyone was looking over their scores on their first test of the year, and the paper Jin was holding had him sagging into his seat.

“I don’t know. Guess I just do.” You answered honestly with a small shrug as Seokjin looked at you incredulously. Ms. Choi had shushed the both of you after she heard Seokjin’s voice, causing a couple other kids in the class to snicker. You hardly minded, but didn’t miss the way Jin’s eyes rolled.

The bell ringing was like a saving grace for the older boy. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and crumpled his test up in his free hand, a silent ‘fuck you’ to the test and the teacher who’d administered it. You held in a soft laugh at his behavior, silently watching him leave the classroom as you packed up your things.

-

“You already failed your first test? Man, that’s tough. My little sister is two years younger than us and she’s taking the same level math as you are.” Taehyung, one of Jin’s snob friends said when he caught wind of the events that happened in his classes that day.

Seokjin turned to give the other boy a pointed glare, telling him nothing he was saying was funny and he’d be sorely mistaken if he thought Jin wouldn’t beat up him and his sister.

“Alright, alright. Stop it. Taehyung, there’s no point in bragging about your smart family member, it doesn’t make you any less dumb- and Jin, we don’t solve problems with violence.” Namjoon said, touching the frame of his glasses and pushing them up his nose.

“He kind of has to solve problems with violence if he can’t solve ‘em with his brain.” Jungkook mumbled, but everyone had heard it. Seokjin threw his head back into the plush backing of his couch, harnessing every ounce of will left inside of him to not snap everyone else in two.

“Dick move, Jeon. Don’t forget I can tell everyone at school you have a pencil dick and your pits smell. See how far you’ll get after that.” Jin grunted with his eyes clothes, but not hearing how Hoseok burst into a fit of laughter at his comments.

“Whatever! That’s not true, anyway- and I didn’t mean it, Jin. We all know you’re not stupid. Last thing you’ll need in real life is the law of syllogism.” Jungkook reassured his friend. Seokjin knew his friends didn’t actually think of him as stupid- anything but, actually, but it didn’t completely placate the feeling of inferiority welling within him.

“I get it.” Seokjin mumbled. Jimin sighed from beside him, sensing that Seokjin wasn’t feeling too well. “Just ask someone for help. I’m sure Namjoon would. I might, too, but I’m not that good at explaining things.” Yoongi piped up from across the living room, appearing to be slumped into the expensive recliner Jin’s dad had recently bought.

Namjoon nodded at the notion. “Yeah. I don’t mind helping at all.” He offered. Seokjin would’ve taken him up on it if his ego wasn’t so damaged beyond repair already. Instead he waved his hand.

“This is my problem. There’s no way I can fail a class twice, I just need to study. And maybe get a new teacher. Choi sucks ass.” Seokjin pondered aloud. Yeah, there was no way his lack of success was all him. Choi deserves some blame, too. It was only fair considering how much grief she’d given Jin over the last year.

The other boys shrugged, figuring they’d done everything they could to contribute to the catastrophe that was the part of Jin’s brain in charge of math. Slowly, the conversation moved to topics more their speed, including, but not limited to video games, Jungkook’s pencil dick, and, oh, Seokjin’s hot mom. He really couldn’t catch a break.

-

“You’re reading too much into this, and you’re not even me.” You told your best friend, Yerim, as you walked down the hall to your first class of the day- the one you shared with Seokjin. Yerim gasped at your notion, shaking her head dutifully.

“No, you just aren’t taking this as seriously as you need to. Seriously, Y/N, that’s the hottest guy in school and you’re math partners with him. And he talks to you. Like, willingly.” Yerim explained with an exasperated tone. You arched an eyebrow at her.

“Thanks for making it sound like any attractive guy actually wanting to talk to me is some natural phenomenon, Yeri. You really know how to keep me humble.” You grunted, not actually feeling offended by her words. You’d known the other girl long enough to know she was blunt, and her way with words wasn’t exactly poetic. But she was your Yeri.

“Someone has to!” She laughed before continuing on. “But seriously, Y/N, you need to explore this new opportunity. Or at least send him my way if you don’t want him. Girl code or whatever.” She spoke as you veered off to your classroom, nodding to her words absentmindedly while only halfway processing them. Seokjin had beat you here today, his beautiful head of chestnut hair greeting you as you walked into the cold air of your math class.

Class today seemed especially hard for Jin, who was groaning to himself every time Ms. Choi announced an answer to a problem that he didn’t get. You frowned, wanting to lean over and correct his simple mistakes. However, you weren’t sure if you should- you didn’t want him to get mad at you, or make him feel bad for getting help from someone who was younger than him.

As class ended, you made moves to clean up your things, packing away your math binder before Ms. Choi shrilly called out to you and Seokjin. Your blood ran cold, and you wondered what you could’ve done wrong that day.

“Yes?” You asked hurriedly, setting your backpack down on the ground beside you as Seokjin hung around with a sigh, letting his arms fall limply at his sides. You smiled at his actions, at least he didn’t want to be here either.

“I have a request of you. Mr. Kim here is not doing so well, and it’s a pity considering this is the second time I’ve had the pleasure of teaching him. So I’ve taken it upon myself to arrange a surefire way to get Mr. Kim on track. Y/N, you will be tutoring Seokjin here until his grades are good- not just passing.” She said with finality, leaving no room for either you or Seokjin to argue. Seokjin looked like he was about to, but Ms. Choi continued.

“Y/N, your incentive will be extra credit and no final in this class. Seokjin, your incentive is to graduate. Understood? I will leave meeting arrangements up to the two of you, but just know you’ll have to meet up more than just once a week in order to accomplish anything. That will be all, you two.” The teacher dismissed you, turning around and going back to her desk without sparing either of you a second glance.

You gave Seokjin a weak smile as he stared ahead with a frown on his face. When you two got out into the hallway- which was practically barren, due to most of the students having already left- you attempted to talk to the older boy.

“I’m sorry.” You offered. Your words were genuine even though they didn’t have to be, and Seokjin looked at you in surprise before shaking his head quickly.

“If there’s anyone who should apologize right now, it’s me. It’s my dumbass who got you stuck with tutoring me.” Seokjin sighed. You smiled and shook your own head, looking at him fondly.

“It’s cute of you to assume I wouldn’t like tutoring you. Who says math can’t be fun?” You said boldy, inwardly cringing at your own words. Not only had you called him cute, but you also inadvertently said math was fun- which is not true, by the way. Even you knew that.

Seokjin smirked at your words, giving you a once over (which made you feel more flushed than you cared to admit,) before nodding. “I guess you’re right. Here,” He said, digging in his pocket before pulling out his phone, unlocking it and then setting it into your hand. “Put your number in. That way we can get ahold of each other.” Seokjin said. You nodded, typing your name in and putting a few cute emojis beside it before adding your number and handing it back to Seokjin.

The boy smiled at how cute you were, putting emojis next to your contact. It stood out against everything else, as it was very rare of him to adorn contact names with anything like that. The closest thing he had was Jungkook’s costume name- which was just dumbass.

He sent you a text from his phone, a silly joke just so you’d have his number. You giggled as you saved his contact.

“Text me and let me know when you’re free next. I’d do it tonight, but my friends have a soccer game tonight and I promised I’d go…” He trailed off, almost seeming to ponder something before shaking his head, deciding it wasn’t something that needed to be said. “Anyway, I can probably tweak my schedule to meet yours. You’re probably busier with school and other stuff than I am, anyway.” He said nonchalantly. You smiled at how considerate the older boy was being, nodding sweetly at his words.

“Sure, I’ll do that. Have fun tonight, Seokjin.” You said softly, waving him goodbye as he walked into the parking lot to his car. You stood by the curb, waiting for your usual ride to pull up, who just happened to be one of your best friends.

“Hi, Yukhei.” You smiled at him as you clambered into the front seat of his car. He sent you his signature wide smile, turning his loud music down to greet you. “What’s up, sweetness? You took longer than you usually do today.” Yukhei said as he put his car in drive, backing up before driving out of the parking lot. You observed Seokjin as he drove past you, sending you a wink. You frowned and uttered an apology to your friend.

“Sorry… I didn’t think I’d be. My teacher held me and another guy back after class and, well, long story short, I’m a tutor now. Against my will.” You added the last part, because Yukhei was totally a guy who would tease you about wanting to be a math tutor. Not that it mattered- he barely passed geometry in tenth grade. Yukehi hummed thoughtfully.

“That sucks. What’s his name?” He asked out of curiosity. You knew Yukhei hardly paid attention to anyone in your grade, having befriended just about everyone in all other grade levels. It was a miracle he talked to you.

“Kim Seokjin.” You said, screaming when Yukhei’s car came to a sudden halt. Another car swerved past you, honking and giving him a not so nice finger sign. “What’re you doing? You’re gonna get us killed!” You whimpered, clutching your chest over the soft material of the sweater you were wearing. Yukehi hardly seemed bothered, slowly turning back to normal as he continued the route home.

“Y/N, are you kidding me? Kim Seokjin is one of the most popular guys in school. Hell, he’s one of the most popular guys in the district. Your social rep is about to go through the roof! What’s he like? I’ve only heard stories.” Yukhei said in awe, only taking his eyes off you every couple of seconds to make sure he was still driving on the right side of the road.

“Please keep your eyes on the road before I die prematurely,” You whined pitifully before continuing. “And, you’ve only heard stories? Geeze, way to make him sound like some mythical creature. I don’t really know what you want me to say… We really just sit next to each other in math. He’s nice, and funny I guess.” You said. You really wanted to comment on how handsome he was too, but you figured Yukhei had heard enough of that from every other person he knew.

Yukehi sucked in a couple deep breaths to curb his excitement. “You’ve gotta get me on his good side, Y/N. This is crazy, I always knew there was a reason I kept you around! Well, beside your ass- you’re pretty funny too, I guess.” Yukhei shrugged as you slapped his arm, which was protected by the expensive windbreaker he wore.

“Stop saying things like that! It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know how to react. And no, I’m not using him to get you into parties or something. Climb the social chain on your own, like the pioneers once did.” You scolded him as he laughed.

“You know I hate manual labor. Why do you think I didn’t clean my room for two years straight?” Yukhei asked as you shivered at the memory. It started in eighth grade, and Yukhei didn’t clean his room until the end of your freshman year of high school.

You shook your head. “Don’t remind me. I remember that fossilized sock. It got so bad you had to give me your allowance just so I’d help.” You grumbled, crossing your arms and glaring at the memory. His measly ten bucks a week would never be enough for the horrors you went through during that time.

Yukhei rolled his eyes, mumbling something about you being a drama queen. You shrugged, hardly bothered, opting to listen to his music as he continued your route home.

When he pulled into your driveway, you expected him to leave and go to his own house. However, he ended up stopping his car and smiling deviously when you looked at him in question.

“You’re free tonight, right?” Yukhei asked as he strolled into your house behind you, shrugging off his jacket and taking off his shoes as he did the same. You peered at him wearily squinting your eyes.

“...Why? Yukhei, I’m not doing your homework for you again. It’s not that hard. And I don’t want to.” You pouted. His mouth dropped in offense, slapping a hand onto his chest to let you know that he wasn’t pleased with your assumption.

“You’re the worst! For your information, that’s not what I was going to ask you anyway. I got invited to a cool party tonight and I wanted you to be my plus one.” Yukhei said snobbily, tilting his nose into the air.

You grimaced, thinking about how that was the last thing you wanted to do. You’d rather stay home, as sad as it sounded- you’d heard horror stories from the types of parties Yukhei’s crowd went to, and you weren’t familiar with anyone who went to them beside him.

“I don’t know, Yukhei. That’s really not my type of thing. You’d have better luck asking someone else.” You said in resignment, walking up the stairs to your room as he followed behind you, moaning and groaning at your answer.

“You never wanna do anything fun! Why don’t you want to go? It’s a Friday night, any homework you have can be done tomorrow or Sunday.” Yukhei said, belly flopping onto your made bed.

You dropped your backpack down to your side, going to your desk and sitting in the spinning chair and facing the boy on your bed, who was giving you the side eye.

“I don’t want to go because it doesn’t sound fun. I won’t know anyone there beside you- and knowing the social butterfly you are, you’ll end up leaving my side right when we get there. And before you promise me that you’ll stay with me, I’ll feel bad because I’ll most definitely be keeping you from doing something actually enjoyable.” You shrugged. Everything got difficult when you two started growing into different social groups.

Yukhei had always been popular. You weren’t unpopular, people knew you and enjoyed talking to you, but it was a different kind of recognition. Yukhei and you were tied at the hip for most of your lives, and once puberty started hitting him he began prospering as you watched him proudly, from the comfort of your smaller social circle. Things were different now, and it was sometimes hard to work through.

He frowned, eyebrows creasing together in the telltale emotion of worry.

“Do you really feel like that, Y/N? Hon, the most fun I could ever have is with you. Don’t think for even a second that I’d enjoy anyone else’s company more. I want you to go because I wanna hang out with you, make new memories or whatever. I’m not doing it out of pity, or whatever might be going on in that head of yours.” He said seriously, his tone dropping to let you know his words were genuine. You smiled at him, tilting your head.

“Aw, Yukehi’s got a soft spot for little old Y/n.” You giggled as he cursed and shook his head. “Yeah, whatever- well now that we’ve talked through that, it’s time to pick your outfit! I heard this is supposed to be a real banger- the super popular upperclassmen are coming.” Yukehi said, jumping up from your bed and rubbing his hands together in contemplation.

“I never said I was going!” You said indignantly, to which he rolled his eyes in response.

“Doesn’t matter. I decided that you are. Where do you keep your dresses?” Yukhei asked, pulling out random drawers to your dresser and snickering when he found your underwear drawer, picking a pair of panties up and flinging them to you as you gasped in embarrassment.

“Boundaries, Yukhei!” You said in shrill embarrassment, balling up the fabric in your hand and pushing him away from the piece of furniture he was rifling through. “And I keep them in the closet, duh.” You sneered, gently placing your underwear back where they were supposed to be as Yukhei huffed some laughter.

“Alright, let’s see what I have to work with. You’re lucky you’re already pretty fashionable and I don’t have to go through the hassle of one of those movie transformations.” Yukhei hummed as slid his hand in between the garments of clothing hung up in your closet, inspecting each one and taking some out when they seemed to meet his made up requirements.

“Try these two on. I think I know what I’m gonna choose but I have to be sure.” Yukhei demanded, throwing the two dresses he picked out onto your bed.

“Aye aye captain?” You questioned, picking them up and travelling to the bathroom before putting one of the garments on, surprising yourself when you looked in the mirror. In all fairness, you’d forgotten you owned it- a nice lightly colored pattern with a skirt that puffed out at the waist, accentuating your figure nicely. You’d always enjoyed the dress but always ended up admiring it from afar, never really having the chance to wear it.

Yukhei whistled as you walked back into the room, holding his finger up and drawing an imaginary circle to silently tell you to turn around for him. You spun around, watching in amusement as the skirt following your movements, wind fluffing up the ruffled edges. Yukhei smiled approvingly.

“You’ll be wearing that one tonight.” He decided as he continued to observed you as you smiled. “You don’t want to see the other one on?” You questioned.

“Don’t need to,” He answered. “This looks stunning on you, and if the other one could look even better I’d have to be your personal bodyguard tonight- which is something I’d like to avoid, but it can’t be helped.” The boy explained as you sat next to him.

“What do you mean it can’t be helped?” You questioned out of pure curiosity as he raised an eyebrow at you, accompanied by a deadpan expression.

“Really sick of the whole ‘girl doesn’t know how beautiful she actually is,’ trope, Y/N. You’re hot, people will try to make moves on you tonight.” He said nonchalantly as you felt your skin begin to heat up with embarrassment.

You shook your head haughtily. “No way. No one’s ever done that before, tonight won’t be any different.” You nodded to your own words, trying to agree with what you were telling yourself. Yukhei scoffed, sending a hand down onto your back. It didn’t hurt, but it shocked you enough.

“You haven’t given anyone the chance, sweetheart. You really think the kids who sit in the library during lunch are gonna make a move on you? It’s a party, Y/N, a social event. They’ll be like moths to a flame.” He spoke, and you grimaced but didn’t find yourself disagreeing. It sounded intimidating, but a bit flattering.

“Whatever you say…” You mumbled, to which Yukhei smiled as he congratulated himself for winning the argument. “Go do your hair or makeup or whatever.” He commanded you as you looked at him incredulously.

“The party’s not until tonight!” You exclaimed while Yukhei shrugged casually.

“I know girls who skipped school today to get ready. Plus, we have to stop at my house so I can change. You think I’d show up to a party looking like this?” Yukhei signalled to the outfit he wore as you blinked slowly. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. You thought he looked good.

“...I guess not?” You questioned as your friend smiled. “Good answer, Y/N.”

-

“You said this was supposed to start at seven.” You pointed out dejectedly when you’d checked your phone. Yukhei had parked a couple houses down, giving you time to observe your surroundings as you walked up the street. Cars littered the neighborhood and you could already hear the bass of the music playing inside of the large house. This person must’ve had very understanding neighbors.

“Yeah, Y/N, fashionably late. Ever heard of it? We’d look dumb if we came when it was actually supposed to start.” Yukhei pointed out as you creased your eyes in confusion. “But it’s almost 9 already…” You trailed off, wrapping your arms around your waist as you slowly grew more conscious of the outfit you were wearing.

Yukhei scoffed. “Exactly. But if you’re so concerned… Hurry up.” He chided, grabbing your arm and practically dragging you up the steps of the house, which was covered in red solo cups and some people who were smoking, or got started on the alcohol too early and were lazing around in the fresh air. A couple of the patrons noticed Yukhei, raising their hands in a wave accompanies by sly smiles.

Yukhei nodded curtly toward them but said nothing, so you decided not to acknowledge them.

The house was almost filled to the brim. People were everywhere and the music was so loud you could barely hear your own thoughts, and the air was so hazy you almost wondered if people were smoking inside as well. If they were, you couldn’t smell it, as it seemed to be covered by the copious amounts of perfumes and colognes everyone wore.

“Follow me.” Yukhei leaned down and spoke into your ear so you could hear him. You nodded at him with slightly light eyes, following him as he wove through the crowds of people.

Somehow you ended up in the kitchen, lights dimmed to keep the lowlit effect that had been apparent since you’d arrived. There were multiple bowls of snacks, and in the middle of one of the large tables was a huge bowl of suspicious red looking liquid. You shivered, wondering what all had been put into it. It seemed to be popular, as the other people in the kitchen went immediately to it, refilling their cups.

Yukhei went over and got a cup, grabbing the ladle and pouring a small amount into it before going over to the sink and filling the rest of it with water. You raised an eyebrow at him before he thrust it into your own hand, smiling proudly.

“Drink it. There’s barely any alcohol in it and I’m not drinking tonight so there’s nothing to worry about. Despite the anxiety blooming in your chest and willing you to refuse the liquid, you raised it to your mouth and took a sip. Your eyebrows shot up immediately at the sweet, fruity taste that flooded your mouth. Your friend smiled even wider.

“You like it?” He asked excitedly, biting the side of his lip. You looked down into the cup, still slightly surprised at how someone had managed to make alcohol taste so good. “Yeah, I like it a lot actually…” You trailed off, taking another sip.

“A guy named Taehyung is usually in charge of the jungle juice. He’s the only one who doesn’t fuck it up, but makes it capable of doing something. And hey, slow down. I watered it down so you’d take your time, but I’ve got you.” Yukhei said, grabbing the hand that was wrapped around the cup and pulling it down so it was level with your belly button. You smiled sheepishly.

The two of you made your way out of the kitchen, you looking around in wonder as Yukhei drank in your reactions. He was happy to see you breaking out of your shell a bit, letting go of your own personal rules and trusting him enough to have fun with him.

“Aye, Yukhei! Bring your girl over here, we’re playing beer pong.” A tall handsome boy hollered from a couple feet over. They were standing in what seemed to be a secondary dining room, two obvious teams stood at different sides of the large table. It was covered in red solo cups, but instead of beer they were filled with the infamous jungle juice.

Yukhei looked at you questioningly to which you nodded shortly, following him over to the table. There was only one other girl who seemed to want nothing to do with the game, but she smiled at you nonetheless. She didn’t seem threatening in any manner, which was nice.

“What’s up, Yukhei? Who’s the pretty little lady?” The guy who called you over smiled. He had dark brown hair and olive skin, smiling down at you with a rectangular smile that showed his shining teeth.

“This is one of my best friends. Her name’s Y/N. Y/N, this is Taehyung. He’s in the year above us.” Yukhei said, managing to point out that you two were not an item like the other boy might have assumed. Taehyung’s eyes showed pleasant surprise, his smile widening as he caught a glimpse of your cup.

“Like it? Made it just for you, you know.” He said as he gestured toward your cup. You smiled shyly but still managed to respond slyly. “I’m sure- I’m surprised you knew I was coming, and made all of that punch just for me.” You smiled, sipping at the liquid again as both he and Yukhei laughed.

“Hey,” a lazy voice called from the other end of the table. He had slanted eyes that stared right at you, his tongue peeking out to wet the corner of his lips. “Stop flirting with the poor girl and get this game started. It’s nine o’clock and I’m not even tipsy, it’s a shame.” He said, making you snort. Yukhei looked at you and shrugged, letting you know that this behavior wasn’t out of the norm.

“Yoongi’s a super nice guy. Probably the one I’d trust most around here.” Yukhei murmured to you as they began to set up their game. Taehyung has called Yukhei to be on his team, and you politely declined, leaving you to awkwardly stand beside the table and watch the first couple of throws before the other girl noticed you.

“Come here.” She said gently, and you immediately obeyed.

“You looked a little lost, and I’ve never seen you around one of these things before. I’m Jisoo, what’s your name?” She asked you as you nodded. “Yeah… Yukhei’s been one of my best friends for years now, and I guess tonight was the night he decided he had enough and brought me to a party. Oh, and I’m Y/N.”

Jisoo smiled at your words, nodding understandingly. She was well aware her crowd wasn’t for anyone, but it was always nice to see a new face. Especially when the new face didn’t seem to have any preconceived notions of ‘popular kids.’

“Well, I hope you have fun tonight, Y/N. You can always sit with us too if Yukhei gets too rowdy. Do you know anyone else here?” She asked out of curiosity. You furrowed your eyebrows and raised your head to get a good look of the other patrons of the party.

“No, I don’t think so… Oh! Seokjin!” You said in surprise, causing Jisoo’s face to morph into a look of shock. “Seokjin…?” She asked, turning her head to look for the boy. He seemed to see you at the same time you saw him. His features reflected surprise, but he snapped out of it and sent you a wave and a smile.

“How do you know Seokjin? He hardly ever comes to these things, that’s so odd…” Jisoo trailed off. Her tone held no malice or jealousy, simply surprise that you of all people would know Seokjin. Even Yukhei had never managed to talk to him before.

“Oh,” You said, wondering what you should say. You were sure he wouldn’t appreciate it if you told people that you were his math tutor despite being younger than him. “I share a class with him and we sit next to each other.” You said finally, nodding your head. Jisoo seemed to believe you, eyes still focused on Seokjin as he weaved his way through the crowd. He had two people with him, but it was very clear he was walking in your group’s direction.

“Jinnie! To who do we owe our pleasure?” Taehyung asked excitedly, stopping mid throw to greet Seokjin. Yukhei had a look of awe on his face from behind Taehyung and Yoongi threw a ping pong ball at Taehyung.

“Blame this one. He wouldn’t leave my house without me.” Jin said, jabbing a finger over his shoulder at a smiling boy, who was already bouncing around. You could tell that this was completely his element- a party animal. The other one who accompanied them smiled, hooded eyes trailing over everyone before stopping on you, grinning widely.

“And who are you, sweetheart?” He asked, paying Jisoo no mind as he strolled over to you. His voice was a bit higher than the other boy’s but still had a gravelly quality to it, practically hypnotizing you. You were silent for a moment, thinking Jisoo would come to save you but she only ignored him, leaving you to your own devices.

“Oh, um… I’m Y/N?” You asked more than answered, wondering if that was really what he wanted to know. His eyes shone with interest and you felt like you’d fallen into the lion’s den. “Nice to meet you. I’m Jimin. Say… I haven’t seen you at one of these before. What’s the special occasion?” He asked again. Jisoo got up and walked over to where Yoongi’s team stood, and you could see her whisper into his ear. His eyes followed the situation, watching carefully.

“Well, my best friend Yukhei. He’s over there. He wanted me to come.” You shrugged your shoulders, feeling cold in the dress you wore. Jimin occupied the seat Jisoo left open now, no longer obscuring your frontal view. Seokjin hadn’t taken notice to Jimin, and if he did he didn’t seem to care.

“Mmm, Yukhei, really? Surprising that someone like him is friends with a sweet girl like you.” He said nonchalantly, making you confused. “Someone like him? What does that mean?” You asked, folding your hands in your lap and looking down at them, finding his presence almost suffocating. He was absolutely stunning, but you knew he could only offer you trouble.

“Well, the crowd he hangs out with, sweetheart. There’s no doubt he’s popular, but there’s always more to that, isn’t there? I won’t ruin anything for you. But if you stick around I might have to steal from him, you’re entirely tempting. You know that, don’t you?” Jimin asked you, bringing a finger under your chin and tilting it his way, having you look at him. This seemed to be the final straw for whoever had been watching, because you heard Yoongi’s voice immediately after.

“Enough, Jimin. You’re scaring her.” Yoongi said authoritatively, causing him to glower at the black haired boy. Seokjin seemed to hear the commotion, because he looked over at you only to grow surprised at the position Jimin had managed to get him in. When Jimin didn’t move, Jin stalked over and grabbed his hand tightly before moving it away.

Jimin got up and followed Jin, who was muttering something about you being off limits. You wondered what that meant. Yukhei jogged over to you, face clearly showing his panic. “Are you okay? I didn’t even notice anything. He didn’t make you uncomfortable, right?” He asked, hands on your shoulders as he looked into your eyes concerningly.

You shook your head and smiled up at your friend. “No Yukhei, I’m okay. He’s just a flirt, that’s all.” You shrugged, not wanting him to get even more worried. You also didn’t want to make the situation seem bigger than it was, you hadn’t told Jimin to stop and he didn’t do anything crazy. He just kept you on your toes.

Yukhei seemed conflicted, but nodded. “I’m gonna get back to the game, then. If something like that happens again tell them no and get me.” Yukhei said with finality. You saluted him, to which he laughed and shook his head.

It had been a couple of minutes before you heard your name being said again. You looked up and around, wondering where it came from before you saw Seokjin, who was motioning for you to come over to him. You got up and righted your dress before walking over.

“Hi!” You said happily, missing the way his eyes trailed over you hungrily. He smiled at you sweetly, bringing his hand down to encase your own. “Come with me?” He asked, to which you nodded. The boy led you through a couple of halls before you were met with some glass doors, which led to the house’s back porch. There were people outside, but hardly any compared to the inside of the house.

“How was the soccer game?” You asked when the both of you stopped next to the porch’s railing. He smiled at your ability to remember what he told you. “It was good. They won, so I guess it was worth going to. I guess we could’ve met up afterward but I didn’t think you’d be up this late…” He said, alluding to the party the two of you were now at. You began to fluster at his words.

“Ah…! I didn’t know I’d be here either, to be completely honest. Yukhei dragged me out, parties aren’t really my thing. This is my first one, actually!” You said a bit loudly, completely unaware at how lame you were making yourself sound. Jin let out a warm chuckle.

“Don’t worry Y/N, I can tell you’re not the party type. Which brings me to the reason why I wanted to talk to you.” Seokjin said. You tilted your head, fiddling with the hem of your dress. “And what is that?” You asked quietly, feeling small under his gaze.

His facial expression was weird, to say the least. He seemed almost mournful, and it had you feeling saddened before you could even hear what he had to say.

“You shouldn’t be here, Y/N. You’re too good for this type of stuff.” Jin sighed as you looked at him in apparent confusion. “I’m definitely not better than anyone here if that’s what you’re saying.” You said, not wanting him to put you on a pedestal for no reason. He reached down for your hand again, bringing it up to rest against his on the railing. Your heart sped up at the contact.

“That’s not quite what I meant. Excuse the brashness but… You’re stunning. People here are well aware of that, and if they’re not jealous they’re gonna find a way to get you themselves, like Jimin earlier. You’re innocent and unaware of people’s intentions and it makes you desirable, and I’ll be damned if I sit around and let someone take advantage of you.” Seokjin murmured quietly to avoid anyone else hearing him, but you could hear the anger in his tone.

“Oh, Seokjin, I don’t want you to worry about me. I promise I can take care of myself, and I know trouble when I see it.” You tried to assure him, but you could see that the conflict in his eyes hadn’t lessened.

“I think your heart is in the right place- too much, probably. EVen if you smell trouble you’ll try to look for the good in someone, like you did with Jimin.” Seokjin spoke, and you became aware that it wasn’t going to be easy to change his mind.

“But…” You trailed off in confusion, eyebrows drawing together and bottom lip jutting out as Seokjin resisted the urge to coo at you and swipe his thumb across your mouth. “Aren’t you and Jimin friends?” You asked, in reference to the way he spoke of the other boy. He sucked in a breath through his teeth, and you saw his wide shoulders raise with the intake.

“We are,” He finally spoke. “But if anything, that just shows that I know what type of person he is. He’s good to me, but I know what he does, and I’d prefer it if he didn’t do it with someone like you- for both of our sakes.” Seokjin spoke as you felt embarrassment blooming within you, knowing exactly what the older boy was referencing to. Of course you were aware some boys and girls had reputations for ‘sleeping around’- you just didn’t think it was ever something that should be made into a big deal.

“Have you told them… What I am, for you?” You whispered quietly, not wanting to alert anyone around you in fear of embarrassing Seokjin. He huffed out some endearing laughter. “Can’t say I’m exactly excited to say that the cute underclassman girl I hang around with is actually my math teacher. I’ll tell them eventually, though- to avoid some confusion that’s bound to arise. I don’t really hang around girls too often, so they’ll get curious.” You smiled at his words, eyes creasing with the excess skin of your cheeks.

“Sounds good.” You told him. It looked like Seokjin was about to continue but was shocked out of replying when a large hand clapped over his shoulder, another man appearing from behind him. He had a wide smile, and he was holding a red solo cup. The flush of his cheeks told you that he definitely wasn’t sober.

“My man Seokjin! Where’d you get this hot piece of ass? I didn’t think the underclassmen were all that, but you’re changing my mind, you know?” He asked as he driected the conversation to you. You couldn’t respond, eyes open wide at the brashness of his comments. Seokjin seemed less than pleased, ripping his hand from his shoulder and shoving him off.

“None of your fucking business, Yunho- say one more thing and I’ll get my dad to fire yours.” Seokjin threatened emptily, but it was very obvious that the inebriated male didn’t catch the hint. His eyes widened and he put his hands up in defense. “Sorry, man. Didn’t mean it.” He slurred, beelining for the door to the inside. You watched the door even after he disappeared into it.

“I’m sorry, Y/N…” Seokjin trailed off as you began to shake your head in response. He wasn’t looking at you, though, so it went unnoticed. “I think it’s best if I drive you home. You okay with that?” He asked. You hesitated, mind flashing back to Yukhei.

“Yukhei was my ride… I was supposed to stay with him.” You spoke anxiously as Jin listened. “You shouldn’t worry. We left him alone with Taehyung, he’s probably less than sober by now. We can swing through and you can tell him bye before we go, if you want.” Seokjin compromised, leaving you with no option but to nod your head in agreeance.

Truthfully, you understood where Seokjin was coming from, and that he wanted you safe. However, you felt like you were being babied despite the small gap in age between the two of you, causing you to follow closely behind him with your head held down like the child you’d been made to feel like. Seokjin ushered himself off to the side, planting his hand at the small of your waist and guiding you along with him.

Seokjin was right about Yukhei. He was yelling, and you could hear him from a couple rooms over, meaning that the temptation of alcohol had won. Inside, you felt a bit betrayed, but you were happy that he was at least having fun.

“Hey,” You tapped his shoulder as he turned to look at you, mouth opening wide with a smile when he saw your face. He wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you tightly as you made a noise of surprise which caused him to let you go.

“I’m gonna go home, Yukhei.” You told him, watching as his face went from confused to shocked and wide eyed. “Y/N, I’m so sorry! ‘M not sober enough to take you home, sweetheart… Forgot my one fuckin’ job of the night, how funny is that.” Yukhei said but it was very obvious he didn’t find it funny, and that he was currently beating himself up for forgetting something so important.

You lifted a hand up to feather it through his hair in a gesture of comfort. “Don’t worry, you’re fine. Seokjin said he’d take me so you’re alright.” You spoke. You saw him sigh in relief but his mood hadn’t seemed to better too much.

“At least you’re gettin’ home safe. So sorry, Y/N, I’ll make it up to ya. I’ll take you out for some food or something. Have a good night.” He told you genuinely, pulling you into another hug, smoothing his hand along your back. You agreed, jokingly stating that he owed you before returning to Seokjin’s side as he led you out of the house party.

“He seems like a nice kid.” Seokjin spoke as he lead you through the crowds of people. You became increasingly aware of the looks you were getting- hungry and astonishing looks, the occasional jealous glare from multiple patrons. You could hear people whispering, asking each other who you are and what business you had with Kim Seokjin.

“Huh?” You spoke when you realized you’d been silent for too long. “Oh, yeah. He really is.” You said. Seokjin offered a smile at your spacey attitude, opening the front door and letting you out before turning around, letting his eyes linger on a couple of people who said especially rude things about you.

“My car’s over here.” Seokjin spoke when he closed the door behind him, making sure you were close by him as he started walking. You stayed silent, more so focusing on the chilly night air hitting your exposed skin. You shivered a bit, but it did not go unnoticed by Jin.

“Shit, sorry.” He said, shrugging off his jacket and beginning to put it around your shoulders. “I didn’t even think about how cold it got.” He said when it was sufficiently wrapped around you. It was large on him, so it almost engulfed you. “It’s okay, it’s yours anyway. I’m sure you’re cold now, too.” You offered, gripping the jacket even though you wanted to keep it for the warmth it offered- not to mention the smell of his cologne that was still on it.

He shook his head. “You’re the one in a dress, you can keep it. Chivalry isn’t dead, you know.” Seokjin offered, making you giggle and playfully roll your eyes. “Oh, sure. True chivalry is being your math tutor.” You said as Seokjin gasped in offense.

“And here I was, thinking you were a nice girl. Should’ve known better…” Seokjin shook his head as the two of you got into the car. He sat there for a moment, hand on the gear before he turned to look at you. “Mind giving me some directions?” He asked charmingly, making you instantly flustered- duh! He didn’t know where you lived.

“Oh, sure. At the end of this street take a right.” You spoke, him nodding easily and shifting the car into drive. You watched the house disappear into the rear view mirror.

-

“Thanks for taking me. You didn’t have to.” You said as Seokjin rolled up your driveway, a couple of lights on signalling some of your family members were still awake. The boy shook his head, turning to look at you. “I was the one who made you leave in the first place, I’d be a dick to not offer a ride home- I get if you’re mad at me for that, by the way.” He said sheepishly, but you gave him a smile and shook your head.

“I mean, it didn’t go the way I always envisioned my first real party- but it wasn’t horrible. Here, let me give you your jacket back-,” You suddenly remembered, sitting up in the front seat and beginning to shrug it off yourself only for Jin to set a hand on your shoulder.

“Keep it. You look good in it. Plus, we still need to get together for some tutoring, so it’s not like I’ll never see it again.” He said, and you nodded dumbly, more focused on the compliment he gave you rather than anything else. Gulping, you sent him a shy smile before popping the car door open.

“Sure. Thank you, Seokjin, see you later.” You said shyly, and he waved goodbye. “Bye, Y/N, I’ll text you. Sleep well.”

#bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts x reader #kim seokjin #kim seokjin x reader #bts seokjin #seokjin x reader #bts jin #jin x reader #seokjin fanfic

[inactiveblogxoxo]

kiribaku angst fic

prompt given by @babymutant thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!! <3 i hope u enjoy it

Title: i thought that you needed love

Sum: Bakugou and Kirishima get into a fight. They end up not speaking for four weeks. Bakugou messed up really bad and he doesn't know how to fix it or even how to try. So he doesn't. (happy end)

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17700515

full fic in readmore

It wasn’t like they were perfect.

And Bakugou would be willing to admit, that when they first got together he almost thought they were. Things just felt so right with Kirishima. It felt so natural and relaxed. He felt so at home and he… He was so… in love.

Kirishima’s smile always got his heart beating and his knees feeling weak.

Which was stupid.

Which was the problem.

This time they were fighting, and it was completely Bakugou’s fault.

He just… He wasn’t good at this shit, and he wanted to be. Well. No actually he didn’t but Eijirou wanted him to be and he… wanted to be someone that Eijirou wanted.

And that’s how it was, he was running himself in circles. Fighting against his pride and whatever other fucked up notions about romance he had in his head.

It had been two days since they last talked, well screamed, at each other.

Their fight?

Their fight was the stupidest fucking fight for a couple to ever have.

Eijirou told him he loved him. It was early morning. He had just woken up in Eijirou’s bed. Light peaked through Ei’s curtains and shone through his red hair… it looked like flame basking around Eijirou’s face. Bakugou had felt warm, felt comfortable. It was a familiar sight but one he never got used to. He didn’t want to. He wanted to remain amazed by Kirishima’s beauty every fucking day of his life.

But then… then he said: “I love you.”

Kirishima’s lips whispered it into his skin, forced him to hear it, to feel it.

…

Fuck! …He couldn’t think about this anymore.

He grabbed his gym bad and headed to the woods.

He needed to blow off some steam, now.

He could still see Kirishima’s face. He tried punching it out of his system but it wasn’t working.

The look on his face made him want to puke. He put that look there. It was all his fault.

Eijirou told him he loved him, and he told him to fuck off.

“This isn’t a joke, Katsuki. I love you.” His hands tightened on his shoulders, serious, but Bakugou couldn’t back down.

“I’m not joking, Ei. Fuck off and shut up.” Eijirou’s face twisted into something horrible. Pain, grief, rejection, anger.

“What the fuck is your problem?” He pushed Bakugou further into the bed.

“What the fuck is my problem? What the fuck is your problem? You love me are you fucking serious? Why are you so fucking stupid?”

“Please tell me how I’m stupid for loving you. You’re my boyfriend, Katsuki. What do you want me to do? Not fall in love with you? Then why the fuck are you here? What the fuck are we doing?”

“We’re not being fucking pansy weak romantic fucks, that’s for damn sure.” Bakugou sat up and got off the bed. He grabbed his clothes and started pulling them on.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m not changing my personality, I’m just telling you I’m in love with you. I thought you wanted me to love you!”

“I don’t! …I thought we were good the way we are!”

“You don’t want me to love you?” The shift in tone stopped Bakugou in his tracks. He looked back to the bed.

Kirishima’s jaw was clenched and tears ran down his cheeks. He refused to meet Bakugou’s eyes, he wouldn’t look at him at all.

“Get the fuck out, Bakugou.” Ouch

“Ei, I don’t hate you, I just… aren’t we already good enough?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Get out! I get it, you don’t love me, you don’t want to love me, you don’t want me to love you. Message re-fucking-ceived.”

“Ei-“

“Get. Out.”

“FUCK!” He let off a huge explosion. It was cathartic. Destroying shit. Like how he destroyed his relationship with Kirishima.

God damn it, why did he sabotage everything good in his fucking life? Why couldn’t he say it? Why couldn’t he accept it? Why couldn’t he view love as anything other than fucking weak!

This was so fucking stupid! It’s a fucking word! One fucking sentence! Kirishima was right, it didn’t change anything for them! Eijirou was still the same! It’s not like their relationship would turn into something fucking else from three fucking words!

Eijirou just needed to hear it. He needed to hear things spelled out sometimes.

He knew that, he knew that!

…

What the fuck is wrong with him?

…

He got back to his phone to find seven texts and three voicemails.

Eijirou

The texts were too hard to decipher. He was drunk, he had to be for the texts to be that bad. The calls…were hard to hear.

“Kats…baby, where are you? When are you gonna come back? I miss you and… I’m so fucking sad and I don’t remember why?…oh… wait…wait a second… katsuki? Wait, fuck… FUCK... Fuck you, man! You fucking suck! I can’t believe I forgot! What the fuck! Fuck you! …Kaminari! How much have I fucking had-“

..

“What the fuck, Bakugou! What the fuck!? It’s three fucking words!? What is your problem! Why don’t you love me? Why not?” He was sobbing. “What… what am I not doing for you? I thought… I thought you needed me. I need you. I can’t-“ His voice cut out and there was some shuffling, he heard Kaminari say something like “come on, man, you gotta stop calling him,” before the call ended.

..

“…get out of my fucking head, you sick fuck.”

Kirishima didn’t sound like he was crying anymore.

Bakugou had just started.

Two weeks in and Katsuki stopped showing up for patrol.

It was weird.

His whole life all he wanted was to be a hero. To be the number one hero.

But…Without Kirishima…He just… couldn’t care anymore. He tried, he did. The first week, he threw himself into work. No Kirishima meant no distractions, right? Just get the job done, train, go home. Work was all he thought about…until it wasn’t.

Then he would train, destroy some trees in the woods behind his apartment. But then… those fucking messages…

He never drank in his life, worried it would somehow destroy his chances of being number one, but he found himself at the liquor store. If it helped Kirishima get over him, it should work the other way around.

He packed a bag and checked into a motel. He couldn’t be home anymore. Everything reminded him of Kirishima.

He just needed to not think for a while.

…

When he woke up he noticed he had called Kirishima. Only once. He doubted Kirishima answered. He wondered what he said. Would Kirishima cry at his voice like he had sobbed at his?

Fuck this was all so fucking stupid.

He needed to do something.

…

Week three and he still hadn’t been home. Or to work.

He wondered if anyone even knew where the fuck he was. He doubted anyone cared. His friends were almost all Kirishima’s friends first, or they lived too far away to be so involved in his life. Camie was in America for the year. Deku too. Uraraka was helping out with the Japanese space program, who knew if she was even on fucking Earth. Todoroki… Todoroki might be around.. He was in the suburbs somewhere, working with children or some shit. But he was best friends with Sero and if Sero told him about the fight would he side with Kirishima too?

He decided he didn’t want to talk to Todoroki regardless.

He wanted… He wanted to talk to Eijirou.

Fuck, that wasn’t a fucking option was it?

Fuck.

He ended up just drinking again.

..

“Ei?”

“Bakugou? Where are you? You haven’t been showing up for work and when they went to your apartment your neighbors said you haven’t been there all week.”

“Ei. I… Can I come home?”

“Bakugou, you can go home whenever you want. What are you even talking about? I don’t care if you go to your own apartment or not-“

“No.”

“…”

“No. I want. I meant…”

“…Are you crying?”

“C-can you come hold me like you used to? Can you call me Kats and baby and whatever dumb nickname you want because I am. I am dumb. And I’m yours. I’m your dumb baby.”

“Katsuki… Are you…drunk? You never drink. It’s one in the afternoon, what are you doing? Where are you?”

“…I have to go.”

“Where? Where are you going? Bakugou, where are you-?!”

He hung up.

He couldn’t listen to Eijirou not love him anymore.

…

Week four and Kaminari showed up at his hotel room.

“Finally ran out of cash and used the credit card, huh?” Bakugou rolled his eyes and let him enter, he was too tired to put up a fight. Kaminari whistled as he entered, “dude, isn’t there room service here? How the hell is your room this messy?”

“…what do you want, Kaminari?”

“Wow,” Kaminari stared at him. “No mean nickname, no anger, no annoyance? Who are you?” He gave him a once over, Bakugou was sure he looked as tired as he felt. He wasn’t sure when he last showered either, or changed. All he can remember doing is drinking. Fuck. Has he even been eating?

Whatever.

“Bakugou, we… Nobody thought…wow. You’re… you’re really not doing well, huh?” Kaminari gulped and scratched the back of his neck. “We all expected you’d rage out or something but… you look…” Kaminari didn’t say it but Bakugou heard it ring in his head anyway.

Broken.

“How’s Eijirou?”

“Better than this, don’t get me wrong this fight is affecting him too but,” Kaminari bit his tongue and turned away. “I’m so sorry, Bakugou. We all thought…You could handle this, we thought it’d be best to leave you alone, give you space. Kirishima said that what you usually need after a fight and so, well… Fuck, come on. Take a shower and change, we’re gonna go get something to eat and check out of this fucking motel.”

..

Bakugou found himself at a diner. He had to admit, he felt better after showering and putting on fresh clothes. The food was helping to, even if it was hard to force himself to eat.

Kaminari excused himself to take a phone call. Bakugou caught the caller id, it was Sero. He wondered if Sero was with Kirishima.

God damn it, he can’t go an hour without thinking about him. He was pathetic. Kaminari said it himself, he’s not that bad. He’s better off. He’ll move on. He’s been moving on.

But Bakugou. Bakugou will be in love with him forever. And the only reason they’re not together right now in the first place is because he’s a fucking idiot you couldn’t tell his boyfriend the truth.

He tripped out over three fucking words that were true anyway.

It’s true, Eijirou.

When Kaminari came back Bakugou was crying. He wordlessly handed him some tissues.

Bakugou could tell he was really freaking Kaminari out, he’d never seen the blonde so quiet before, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care.

He just really couldn’t care about anything.

“Bakugou, I’m gonna take you home okay? I’ll go back to the motel and get your stuff, you just rest. And no drinking, alright?”

Bakugou nodded and got up to follow him out of the diner. Kaminari threw some cash for the food on the table and they left.

..

The car stopped with a jolt and Bakugou realized he had fallen asleep. Blindly, he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.

His stomach dropped.

“Kaminari, this is-“

“I know, dude,” Kaminari sighed, “Sero and I think this is best. We also… We think you guys should get, like, counseling or something… But that’s…That’s a whole ‘nother conversation just, for now just… Apologize.”

Sero came out of the apartment building and approached them.

“Hey,” he greeted quietly. He, too, gave Bakugou a once over. He winced at seeing how thin his stomach looked, “Bakugou…”

“I can’t do this.”

“Bakugou,” Sero gripped his shoulder, “what are you talking about? Of course, you can. It’s Kirishima.”

“He’s not gonna forgive me.”

“You don’t know that,” Kaminari grabbed his other shoulder. “You have to try.”

He took a shaky breath to try to cool his nerves.

He had to try.

..

He still had a key to the apartment building. Which was good, he didn’t know if Kirishima would let him up if he tried. He had a key to the apartment but he was sure he shouldn’t use it.

So, he knocked.

The door swung open without a second thought. Too fast, Bakugou found himself completely unprepared to see Kirishima face to face.

“Did you fo- oh.” Kirishima froze. His eyes roamed across his face. Bakugou couldn’t speak. He could feel tears already welling up in his eyes. Fuck. He had to say something. He had to say it.

“I’m sorry,” the words could barely come out. He couldn’t hold the tears anymore. “Eijirou, I’m so sorry. I lied. I fucking lied. Please, I…”

Kirishima stepped back from the door, “come in.”

He did. Kirishima eyed his torso and he suddenly felt self-conscious.

But he didn’t have time for that right now, he had some shit he had to say.

“Katsuki-“

“No. Ei, please,” Kirishima closed his mouth. Bakugou took a breath to steady himself. He had to say this. And he had to say this now.

“I love you,” Eijirou’s eyes snapped to his. Red to red, both sad, both hopeful. “I’ve only ever fucking loved you. There wasn’t a moment, in all of our time together, that I didn’t love you, Eijirou. I’m sorry I was scared. And stupid, so fucking stupid. I know you. I know what you needed from me and at that moment… I… I couldn’t give it to you. And it’s become the greatest regret of my life.

I’ve been going crazy without you. I don’t know who I am without you. I don’t know when or how but I began to define myself in terms of you. I’m the guy that met you…. That fell in love with you… I’m the guy that would do anything for you, that’s who I am. Without you… I’m. I can’t exist, Eijirou. I’m ruined and I’m terrified.

And I love you. I love you so fucking much and I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like I don’t. That I ever made you feel like I don’t want you. Because that is the biggest lie on the planet Earth and you never ever deserve to feel unloved. Never.”

“…I love you too,” Eijirou smiled, he was crying. Katsuki slowly approached him, Eijirou watched him but made no move to turn away. He leaned in and kissed away the redhead’s tears. Eijirou gripped his waist and gasped, “Kats, you’re so skinny… Oh my god, what happened to you?” He gently pushed the blonde away and examined his face. His thumbs gently rubbed his cheeks and Bakugou let himself cry and be comforted.

“I’ll be okay,” he whispered, “can I stay the night?”

“Baby, just stay forever. I can barely sleep… And then you were missing and…”

“I didn’t mean to worry you.” The grip around him tightened.

“You need to take care of yourself. Even if I’m not around. Even if this doesn’t work out. Even if we fight again. You can’t disappear like that, you can’t stop working and stop eating…” He pulled away and grabbed Katsuki’s hands. He nudged the blonde’s head until they were looking directly into each other’s eyes. “Katsuki, I’m glad you love me, I’m so happy. But I can’t be the only reason you exist. That’s not healthy. Work means a lot to you, I know it does. You can’t live only for me, you have to live for yourself first, okay?”

Bakugou didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say.

So, he nodded. He knew he couldn’t change his thinking so easily, but he would try. Maybe they should check out that counseling thing that Kaminari was talking about… Or at least he should… Maybe therapy or something.

But right now, that could wait. Right now, he could nuzzle his face into Kirishima’s neck and Kirishima could run his hands through his hair. And they could kiss.

They could kiss.

They kissed.

Thanks for reading <3 please considering buying me a coffee on kofi, link is on my tumblr. Feel free to send me a prompt too! :)

#kiribaku #fanfic #my fic #bnha #angst #angst with a happy end #bakugou #kirishima #i hope i did okay #first time writing angst in a while #idk i try

[fandom-wars-imagine-blog]

How it would be if after confessing their feelings and being rejected by Black Hat or White Hat, S/O starts suffering Hanahaki disease and no matter what it’s only becoming worse and worse?

(Oh man, first angsty ask for me.

Wish me luck.

I hope you like it ^^’ 

In my version of the disease, when the person does the surgery to remove the flowers, they feel nothing at all after it. They will not lose their memory about their loved one, but they will not feel love for them or for another person ever again, in fact, they’ll feel nothing, no joy, no sadness, no anger, nothing.)

Black Hat: 

You were already expecting your love for Black Hat to be one-sided. Even when you told him, he scolded you for feeling such gross and useless thing. You can’t defeat heroes or sell massive amounts of gadgets for villains with such feeling called “love”. Of course you would be rejected, foolish human. Go feel that freaky way with someone else, or better, don’t feel it at all. 

After all, you are simply his employee, a person that is Flug’s assistant, you are in a lower level than Flug - not that is hard to be, but - and Black Hat is a powerful eldritch maybe as older as the universe itself, a demanding being how cannot feel love or any compassion at all. What were your heart and soul thinking?

You are not sad, you are not dying and crying your eyes out because the person you still have a crush on rejected you, you just feel….strange. You can’t forget him, he keeps that place in your mind that still somehow having hope occupied. But at the same time, you have the notion that no means no and your boss will never like you the same way you do, so you just have to…forget about it, this is just momentary winds.

Well, at least you thought you were not dying for it…

Some days later, you started to feel a nuisance in your lungs and heart, nothing to be worried about, just a little annoyed, so you just convinced yourself that it would stop…until you cough up a withered peony’s petal.  Black Hat’s favorite flower, for what you could tell until now.

Yes, a petal, a petal just came out of your body.

At first you thought it was “normal”, Dementia does every type of shit you can think about, she could have just made you eat a dead flower in your sleep, however, more petals made their way out of your body through a cough attack. They are way more than just from one flower! Your lungs feel tired and the nuisance increases to real pain, something to be concerned about.

What the fuck is happening??

After this episode, you surfed on the internet to try to find what could be the reason behind this mysterious flower petals coming out through your throat and found something very interesting but very dangerous for what you read: Hanahaki disease.

It can be caught when someone loves another, it starts small with little nuisances in your lungs and small petals coming out your body through your mouth. Then the petals start growing into full bloomed flowers, occupying the space in your lungs for air and being coughed entirely with your blood. In the end, the flowers start being too many, developing into full bouquets and it only stops when the victims die suffocating in their own blood and internal mortal garden. It can only be cured if the person the victim loves love them too in the same strong passion.

…Oh man, you are so fucked, aren’t you?

There’s another way to stop this ill madness, doing the surgery, but that would make you completely empty, not feeling any type of emotion whatsoever, for him or for any other person. You would be just a human shell and you’re planning to die from your own unrequited love than leaving emotionless for the rest of your life.

But seems that destiny has other plans…

One day, you were working with Flug, planning and drawing some blueprints, when a cough attack made its way to your throat. Your head was rounded by “Oh no, not now” and you spun on your chair to not mess up the papers. Sooner than later, two whole dead peonies escaped your mouth together with drops of blood that came after. You made hold of your lungs, trying to control your inner torture with no avail, and all of the sudden, you remembered.

Flug stills in the lab.

You looked at him, taking the impressive note that even with that bag in his head, you could understand how shocked he was. Your lungs ached and you felt that every plump of your blood was like a spine right in your heart, but that didn’t stop your body from expelling another flower. This time, Flug came to help you, holding your hair and back. Another dead flower was on the floor and you finally stopped, leaning against the back of the chair.

You breathed heavily, the foul taste of blood and rotten flowers stayed on your mouth, you didn’t deserve this…

Flug sat next to you, he was clearly disturbed by what he saw. His leg didn’t stop moving and his fingers moved frenetically against each other.

“That’s Hanahaki disease, right?”

“…It is.”

For such a curious and researcher person like Flug, he didn’t demonstrate any fascination or enthusiasm for what he saw in front of him. Instead, he looked unsettled, worried even. And now that you think about, for a person that knows what’s this disease is about, you would be perturbed if you saw someone coughing flowers too.

He asked if you already told the person you love about your feelings. Just to think about Black Hat made your heart tighten, like his clawed hands clasping at your organ and squeeze it until all the blood is out of your ventricles. Another fit of coughing arises, but nothing came out this time, just the faint taste of metal in your mouth. You hoarse voice and hot breaths didn’t help at all this situation.

“Yes, but he doesn’t like me the same way. It was expected of our boss anyway.”

You laughed sadly at Flug who didn’t make a single noise, just looked at you emotionless. Why are you laughing? Don’t you understand that you are dying?? Why didn’t you told him sooner?! What if one day is too late and he finds your lifeless body on the floor surrounded by bloody flowers?? Do you want to die so pathetically for Black Hat when he wouldn’t do the same for you? Do you want to die at all?

Flug stood up and exited the lab, leaving you alone with the deadly butterflies in your stomach.

On the next day, you already woke up with the gentle screams of anger from your boss at your room’s door. “GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED AND COME TO MY OFFICE NOW” yelled him.

Ish, this is going to be a good day.

You got your “ass out of bed” like he demanded and dressed up, going to his office right away. When you arrived, he seemed calmer, at least enough to not make your ears ring every time he spoke. To your surprise, or not, he talked about the flowers episode that happened to you and Flug.

“The doctor told me there’s a surgery you could do to cure that “hanaki” disease and I want you to do it right away. The last thing I need right now is my employees dying.“

The office went cooler at his words, the dark shadows engulfed the light air, making it heavy and almost unbreathable. Your stomach tied itself in anguish and you could swear the stem of one of the peonies just grown 5 meters (16′ 5″ ft) and winded itself around your trachea. You tried to resonate with him, but he only scolded you for such an idiotic decision. Die for love? This world is for the strong, the ones that would double-cross their own mother to have what they want, not for the weak and fragile porcelain dolls like you. And if you want to die so badly, why do you still here?

It crossed your mind two possible options: you could have a slow and painful death by drowning in your own blood by stupid flowers if you refuse the surgery, or you could have a slow and painful death by the hands of your boss while he strangles you and breaks your pharynx with those daggers he calls claws if you run out of the office. So you did what seemed a better option right now.

Run.

But your plan was short-lived, as Flug was right behind the doors. Before you could even react, you feel a sharp pain on the side of your neck and fall limp on the wooden floor, losing conscience. Flug cleans the remains of the tranquilizer with his lab coat, putting the syringe inside of one of the pockets.

You woke up on a hospital bed, feeling no longer the ache and squeezing in your chest, in fact, you felt no flowers at all inside you anymore. It looks like the surgery went well and you don’t have Hanahaki disease anymore. However, you don’t feel relieved. You don’t feel joy. You don’t feel at all. 

You knew what the surgery could bring, yet they made you do it without your consent. You could no longer be happy for playing with 5.0.5, you could no longer feel sad for hearing your father crying through the phone, you no longer feel angry with Dementia for breaking up your picture frame or even feel afraid when Black Hat threatens you to cut your head off. You will no longer be able of feeling. But you are not sad about it, actually, you are…indifferent about it.

At least…you don’t feel the painful butterflies in your stomach anymore.

Now Black Hat? Lord Black Hat is very happy with the side effect this surgery brings. Having such a cold being, even more than himself, as an employee? Can you imagine the millions of possibilities he has now with you? He can demand everything he wants from you without you expecting something in exchange. He can experiment on you, give you every kind of power his powerful brain thinks of, mold you in his very shape. He can have a real decent employee who doesn’t let him tearing his skin off in desperation for how every being in this nasty planet is extremely stupid and incompetent. Heck, he can even have you being as evil as him! A heartless villain destroying the buildings of concrete and the insignificant lives of every enemy who even dares to talk back. Oh yes, so many good, great possibilities…

Who knew that having someone falling in love with you could actually have their advantages.

White Hat: 

You know Mister White Hat since you were a teenage girl wanting to be a famous hero, like the ones you see on the sticker albums! You wanted to do much to help people in distress, to save the day and in the end, have all those reporters’ cameras pointed at you while everyone in the background screams your name in full lungs! You even trained your fabulous signature! 

And your homemade suit had more glitter than the backpack of a 9-year-old with an obsession in rainbow unicorns…

You parents did not fully agree with your…wanted future. Is not that they didn’t want you to follow your dream, is that…you couldn’t even save the neighbor’s cat without breaking your arm while climbing on the tree, imagine trying to save a whole crowd of people of some structure in flames. No, out of question.

You, in fact, didn’t born to be a superhero, but no one could take that crazy idea out of your head. Even when your parents tried to resonate with you and maybe convince you to think about another possible to accomplish dream, it seemed that your love for them decreased a little more, and they didn’t want that, oh no, not all. So, they saw themselves stuck in the corner with a way too ambitious child and a worried sickness that increased everytime the sun raised. Unless…

White Hat never took requests to try to convince a teenager in not taking the hero’s path, it surprised him how two parents in that city, where basically everyone would die to their child be a hero, wanted theirs to give up on their dream. In fact, White hat never took care of any human in whatever circumstance you can think about, with Slug and Clemencia the things in the mansion get even more ridiculous, so trusting a teenager in his hands was something completely new.

White Hat could have declined, saying that there was no need of convincing you otherwise of being a hero, but how could he say no? The desperate look in your parents’ faces was already enough, and more than that, your father was a soldier, a man who would give his own life to his country. White Hat would never deny a favor to him because not all heroes use capes, y'know.

However, White Hat wouldn’t try to convince you to not be a hero, but encourage and train you to follow that dream and seize it with nails and teeth. What an idiotic thing, not wanting their child to be the savior of many in this city of crime. After all, everyone can be a hero if they work hard enough! It’s not like the rule doesn’t apply to you!

Oh, how wrong he was.

My goodness, how can you be such a disgrace?? Now he understands why your parents didn’t want this for you! How can a person hurt themselves so badly just climbing on a single lamp street?? No, correction: how can a person hurt themselves so badly with anything??

There are clumsy heroes for sure, but they overcame their difficulties with lots of training. Now you? You are a lost cause! He never saw something like this! One thing is training to overcome that clumsiness, which is possible, and another thing is BEING LAZY TO TRAIN AND INSTEAD TAKE PHOTOS IN THE MIRROR!

Maybe there was the possibility of making you a hero’s assistant, as not even them can do everything at the same time in their lives when they are saving the world. But that is out of the question, one week in the lab and you almost blew it up. 

He never saw Slug so angry, ish.

One day, White Hat was stressing out about what to do with you. His plan to train you to be a great hero got down the bar and he didn’t as requested by your parents convinced you giving up on that dream. What was he going to tell them? That maybe he just made that dream even stronger and now you are completely impossible to endure? Oh heavens…

But then…turning around the corner…there were you, talking with another hero, helping them with their problem. And rather well, he must say! He wouldn’t have said better than you did!

Sometimes even heroes have their problems, sometimes they need some advice about what to do in certain occasions or they are not just so sure that this is their path, so White Hat decided to give them a help, to talk with them for a while and possibly uncover a solution to every situation. They just have to call and make an appointment. But it seems you have stolen his job without his knowledge! What a puck you are!

But…maybe he has found the solution to his own problem.

Within a short time, he convinced and showed you that you could be a hero in a different manner than you rather expected, but it was surely better than going to kill yourself slowly in the streets.

Soon, you learned that heroism is not about fame and celebrities, is about helping others and give the best of you every day. What a childish teenager you were, with your head always in the clouds. Not all heroes hear capes and you find your own way to be a hero to others without all the mess. You are now a heroes’ counselor, the best job you could have asked for in your whole 25 years of life.

Your parents are so proud of you, as is mister White Hat, even if you have to ear it every day to know. 

But you crush was starting to bloom stronger than ever, you couldn’t deny your feelings anymore for your own counselor and friend for the last 8 years. You heart swoll and you felt the urge to puke your own organs everytime you saw him, something was there and you knew it. Now you just had to…cross your fingers and tell him. 

But things don’t go the way we want…and it seems he doesn’t feel the same for you. It hurt as hell even if he tried to be as gently as he could with the news, like he was ripping out your soul from your chest. However, you swole it up like a big adult and smiled your pain, telling him it was okay.

You feet very disappointed and sad with the whole thing, stupid that those feeling appeared to you and you fell right into their evil spell. White’s an eldritch, he can’t feel love even if he wanted. You were just…a big and naive child again.

Then it came…a Black-eyed Susan’s petal out of your mouth while coughing. 

Hanahaki disease. You know about its existence, but never thought you would have it on a single moment in your entire life. But things come when you less expect, don’t they? And now, even if your life’s walls had succumbed around you, you’re going to take it like a hero’s shield and die drowning in the pain of your own love.

You don’t want anyone to see your miserable state, especially White Hat, so you lie and tell that you need a little vacation from your hard work, that even who helps others with their problems need to solve their own too. Everyone agrees and respects your decision because who wouldn’t need a vacation every once in a while?

In that way, begins your isolation from the world, waiting for your sweet death come and lull you to sleep rather harshly. Most of your days you spend in your bed, looking at the ceiling while dreaming wake about the beautiful family you could have created. 

The illness gets worse day by day, you feel like ripping your lungs out and your throat is very hoarse, like someone is scratching it mercilessly. Soon enough you are expelling full Black-eyed Susans through your own mouth. They come bloodied but so beautiful in their mortal ability. You don’t want those flowers to just die on your house’s floor, so you have a great idea about what to do with them.  

Giving a gift expressing your eternal love and gratefulness, you clean the flowers and give a whole bouquet to White Hat. You should have seen him, how his eye shone seeing such a gift. Everyone remembers him to ask for help but no one ever offers him something with gratitude for it. So you decide to give him the best of the gifts you can give now, the flowers that will be your death, the ones that came from your aching heart for his unrequited love. He seemed so happy at seeing you, he accepted the flowers with great joy, saying that it was not necessary, but you know that the joy he will always feel is not the same joy that you feel while you are alive. But you took it, holding it tight in your memory. 

Without coughing a single time, or even taking off that smile on your face, you exited the mansion, going to the mortuary that would be your home sweet home.  

It was a surprise when your neighbors found you dead in your own bed. It seems that you died suffocating in your own sleep. Bloodied flowers were all over the room and a whole bouquet seemed to be doing its way out, covering your whole mouth. Possibly the cause of death.

White Hat got shocked at the news. You? Dead? But…how?? It pits him how you died in such cruel conditions. He can’t imagine dying while suffocating in his own blood. 

Seems like you had some type of unknown disease that made flowers grow in your insides. How? How’s that even possible for a human?? He knows that some diseases can be really cruel but…flowers…such an ironic way to die. 

You died for something called “Hanahaki disease”. It was the first time  White Hat had ever heard of something so dangerous yet so outstanding, but when we heard the cures…everything became so clear.

You died because of him, because of your love not being the same love that White feels for you, a friendly, pure love. He knows that it’s not his fault that he doesn’t feel the same, he’s an eldritch after all, such feelings can’t be acquired for him, but why didn’t you take the surgery? Why did you let yourself die in his loose fictional grasp? He can’t help it, he feels that it’s his fault, that he should have known in the first place. He could have helped you or at least be there for you. 

The whole city is mourning. They lost a great figure recently, a figured who help them as a friend and as a hero themselves, showing that not even the strongest people are exempt from problems. They hope that someone like you will rise again and you will be watching all your cared people from above, protecting them with your angelic wings. 

White Hat took care of everything in your funeral, as he himself was the one who lost more. He lost more than a friend, a person who he saw growing as a person and that helped the others grow too, despite their difficulties and all strings holding them down. You are now happy, you are with your precious parent who will surely hold you in golden tears. 

No flowers are allowed on your tombstone or in your grave. No way White Hat is going to let your death cause haunt you in your eternal, peaceful sleep. 

Every six months, White goes to the cemetery visit you, putting one of his belongings near your tombstone. Who had guessed that after your death, he would finally love you too.  

- mod sheep

#ask #anonymous #villainous #villanos #black hat #villainous black hat #villainous au #villanos au #heroic #heroic au #white hat #heroic white hat #villainous imagines #villainous scenario #x reader #black hat x reader #white hat x reader #the reader dies #like once #mod sheep

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep3 “Penguin, Our Hero” Personal Review

 “His methods will be our salvation.”    Warning spoilers below   

“Mr. Penn´s head” So MR. PENN shielded Oswald from the state of things? “I simply couldn't stand seeing you upset while you were recovering.” Which really makes me wonder, either he did it before too, just not wanting to deal with Penguins outbursts which would partly explain Oswald´s distorted view of what´s going on but with the way he was pressing on the issues of food, starvation, failing bullets in 5x01 that seems highly unlikely, which either means the outbursts got to a critical point where it was unbearable or he actually cared about Oswald´s well being? Which kind of fits that he apologized to Oswald after being shot but that means that it must have been terrible difficult for him to work for Oswald, Sofia and Carmine at the same time also why? How did Oswald win him over? I wannt to know everything, and as far as I´m concerned he is still there.  Also Penn still directing the (former Gertrud Kapelput Memorial Choir) choir might suggest he had a leading role in getting the people to Haven? I´d really like to have seen him in a position of reason that gets people out of a precarious situation but the episode made it look like he only did it because now it was specifically his head on the line. (Unless, that was something that Oswald said every 27 minutes, which .. is also likely) OSWALD COBBLEPOT okay so looks like Oswald wasn´t at all meant to be cruel, merely delusional? It seems Oswald really cared about Penn, thinking it would have been good for him to stay with him. He really believed his people were in a better situation than the slaves of other gangs.  He genuinely doesn´t seem to get why people would prefer Haven instead of his territory.  //  “I'm sorry, Mr. Cobblepot.” “You fool! This never would have happened if you stayed with me. Why did you leave?” “Everyone hated you.”  // “They probably go back to being slaves, I guess. My people, on the other hand, will go back to their regular lives, with their bellies full of gruel and their heads full of wonderful thoughts about their grand protector, me.”  //  “I kept people safe. I protected them from chaos. They should have loved me. Instead, they came here, to this pigsty, to be covered in fleas and filth. Why? What makes this place so special?” Oswald does´t think he´s a dictator or authoritarian he thinks he is living the “Great man theory” I´m glad that history moved past this and recognized that there is so much more to reality than a “great man” after another. Sadly that notion is one that´s hard to kill. You still have people thinking they benefit from a “strong” leader ruling with a firm hand. A strong man that´s guiding the nation is the only way to be protected and thrive. Someone that does act, someone that does do something! Not that It really matters much what that something is, as long as it isn´t weak. That way you get people praising Putin instead of being worried about the devaluation of democracy, that way you get orange fools that scream for a great wall instead of caring about facts, that way you get people saying Duterte doing good for his nation while soaking it´s soil with blood.  At leas the show didn´t portray his underlings buying into this, they just showed Oswald believing it. Which is still .. ?? Oswald was living the “Strong man politics” (okay with the cult of personality tuned up on the higher setting) and I´m kind of glad they showed how there´s nothing behind it but I can´t believe that Oswald wouldn´t know that, that people need more than someone to praise and the general assurance that yes they are a strong nation, be proud and quit complaining!  I like that Oswald not understanding why his approach didn´t work could maybe be meant to be a faint warning for people who call for men that lead like that? Okay I´m reading too much into this but can´t you see Trump being like why U no love me when I want the wall to protect you, when I kept your bellies full with the best fast food  .. ?  Just that it´s not a good fit for the Character previous Oswald was perceptive, seeing what people need and want and love. It wasn´t just about what he needs “the love of the people”, even when it was about his selfish gains he still had a strong grip on understanding the needs of others (and better than a bland abstract “they want safety and protection”) and used them.  Like I could get that he´s just done, paranoid and afraid and just not able to deal with the issues, brushing the needs of others aside, everyone can get to a point where it´s too much, but this way it just looks like he really did care and believed he was doing good .. which  means he was just being stupid.  On the other hand when Oswald went into politics he had to be convinced that people want him there and genuinely like him. Granted there was plenty of reason for Oswald to not quite believe this. Now we have him not believing that people hate him. Which is a nice circle but the second half doesn´t make any sense.   “Hope can only go so far.” And sometimes it runs circles. They really had JIM GORDON give another unreasonable promise to a CHILD but now he had BRUCE WAYNE sitting on his side, not only going along with it but with asking Jim to talk to the boy kind of being the reason for that to happen. I´m sure there´s more to say about this .. * “That's a good point. We didn't really think this through.” Street Demonz guys really got a talent to get to the heart of things with stating the obvious. “Well, whoever did just started one hell of a war.” (Tank 5x02) * Same with the “But, uh, they have guns.” comment “So do I and mine is most certainly loaded.” And I really thought, uh Oswald do you really want to point a gun on all the people round you? But wow he got a point with that. * I know it was short lived but for a moment I was like awwwww not both Oswald and Edward have their own personal STREET DEMON(Z) * What I liked is that they still have OSWALD COBBLEPOT be damn good at reframing and changing narratives. He´s out of people and needs others? Ah, nope wrong they are actually lucky to help him, let me tell you why “You're in luck, my friend. .as our interests are now aligned, I have decided that you may live.” * “You return our people and Edward”  I´m kind of ehh with the dog thing but that distinction made me giggle. *  “Rumors say pup went willingly.” Oh Olga  “I'm not yours to lose. You can't stop me from going after Jeremiah. But I am asking you for help.”   I saw that SELINA KYLE line somewhere online and thought oh no but turns out she teamed up with BRUCE WAYNE and it was actually nice. For a while. Sure that Selina getting murderous business is going to be a problem but I´m gonna ignore it as long as possible. Also yes! Jeremiah shot her because of Bruce .. rubbish .. I live for Selina rejecting the whole premise of that. I´m not overly fond of revenge but I like that they made it hers and not about Bruce in any way. (well, for now. Selina wasn´t too keen on Bridgit Firefly Pike roasting that kidnapper ring alive I guess that kind of reservation is over now) I feared that the line might be in the context of them going different paths but that it was followed by them agreeing to work together just made it more impactful. There is a possible relationship there but it´s not on these icky anyone belongs to anyone terms! I also liked that Selina didn´t just go out into the chaos but investigated. “These people come from all over Gotham, Bruce. Someone has to know something.” For all her reclusive attitude she obviously networked back in the early seasons, so she got to have a talent to talk/connect to people, I´d like to have seen more of this in that episode.

* “You didn't have to hurt him like that.” “He was trying to kill me, Bruce, just like Jeremiah tried to kill me. So as far as I'm concerned he got off easy.”  Bruce subscribed to the JIM GORDONs way of things Selina to HARVEY BULLOCKs [“Three months ago, I would’ve lost my badge for that.” ..  “You want rules for this game? I’ll tell you. I’ll make it simple, okay? You win or you die. Next time, shoot to kill.”  5x01]  * Selina´s fight choreography against the Mutant Leader was awesome! A catoreography! * Selina sweeping a curtsey and playing along with the The Church of Jeremiah Valeska theatrics was equally awesome.  * Oddly I didn´t like ECCO/HARLEY, her eyebrow is cool but for once I thought he acting was not stellar .. but that´s probably just me? The Ping didn´t impress me .. * One of the church boys is wearing a skirt, least their dresscode is better * Whoever blew up Haven: Fuck You! * CRACK THEORY:  It might be Jeremiah acting through the Mutants. The Mutant leader said “Kill you. Kill Jeremiah.” but elaborated  “Old Town North, okay? We don't mess with him.” so a contradictory statement. I guess the first was just posing, trying to keep the threatful appearance and the second statement the truth. They might still work for him, refusing it might count as messing with him?  Oddly they guy talking to Selina about the rumours said that: “If you go to the Dark Zone, Jeremiah is the least of your worries. Everyone there is insane. Look at what they did to my friend.” which would suggest Jeremiah is less of a threat but that might just be perspective, Jeremiah might cultivate his church/cult image, laying low on the chaos and mayhem front for a while, while still having others creating it for him in that area.  What I want to say I don´t think the Mutants have a motive for the destruction of Haven but I need them to be connected to it because I found it odd that they chased a person with an explosive device and watched that guy blow up in the same episode. They, if Selina is right are also responsible for the carved up person in Haven “Now we know who carved "kill" into that guy's chest.” So I´m naturally suspicious. What if the “kill” carvings were just meant to conceal the cuts where someone put explosives into that person? People bombs! (With Pyg we already had a grenade in a belly) Problem1: This needed more people like that. Which someone might have noticed, also why would they have been spread out in the buildings, I guess the medic area was just in one place. Problem2: I think Jeremiah has a motive, he put Gotham into this state and Haven is trying to remedy this aka. undoing/undermining his work, to it would naturally be a target but why would he not just do it himself? Problem3: The “Edward” and Street Demonz thing got Oswald to got there, it would be odd if an explosion right after that issue would be an unconnected coincidence * BARBARA KEAN remembers Season 1 and undermines the (repeated) Jim the Hero narrative, although there would be better arguments even talking to Harvey Bullock. “He, the idealistic rookie. You, the cynical veteran.” “You were sane.” “Now you carry his laundry. Do you ever wonder what your life might've been like if you'd never met Jim Gordon? I'd be dead, or wishing I was.” “You're delusional, Harvey. Just like all the sad saps who think the government is just gonna sail in and save them.” “Maybe.”

#gotham #gotham meta #gotham s5ep3 Penguin Our Hero #oswald cobblepot #mine Gotham full episode reviews

[nurihuda-portfolio]

Angels in America by Tony Kushner

An Excerpt from Act I Scene 4

Joe exits. Hannah sits. Prior enters, wearing dark glasses and a hat.)

PRIOR: That man who was just here.

HANNAH (Not looking at him): We're closed. Go away.

PRIOR: He's your son.

(Hannah looks at Prior. Little pause. Prior turns to leave.)

HANNAH: DO you know him. That man?

(Little pause)

How do you know that...

PRIOR: My ex-boyfriend, he knows him, now—I wanted to warn your son about later, when his hair goes and there's hips and jowls and all that... human stuff, that poor slob there's just gonna wind up miserable, fat, frightened and alone because Louis, he can't handle bodies.

HANNAH (A beat, then): Are you a ... a homosexual?

PRIOR: Oh is it that obvious? Yes. I am. What's it to you?

HANNAH: Would you say you are a typical... homosexual?

PRIOR: Me? Oh I'm stereotypical. What, you mean like am I a hairdresser or ...

HANNAH: Are you a hairdresser?

PRIOR: Well it would be your lucky day if I was because frankly... I'm sick. I'm sick. It's expensive.

(He starts to cry)

Oh shit now I won't be able to stop, now it's started. I feel really terrible, do I have a fever? (Offering his forehead, impatiently)

Do I have a fever?

An Excerpt from Act I Scene 6

HANNAH: You had a vision.

PRIOR: A vision. Thank you, Maria Ouspenskaya. I'm not so far gone I can be assuaged by pity and lies.

HANNAH: I don't have pity. It's just not something I have.

(Little pause)

One hundred and seventy years ago, which is recent, an angel of God appeared to Joseph Smith in upstate New York, not far from here. People have visions.

PRIOR: But that's preposterous, that's...

HANNAH: It's not polite to call other people's beliefs preposterous. He had great need of understanding. Our Prophet. His desire made prayer. His prayer made an angel. The angel was real. I believe that.

PRIOR: I don't. And I'm sorry but it's repellent to me. So much of what you believe.

HANNAH: What do I believe?

PRIOR: I'm a homosexual. With AIDS. I can just imagine what you...

HANNAH: No you can't. Imagine. The things in my head. You don't make assumptions about me, mister; I won't make them about you.

PRIOR (A beat; he looks at her, then): Fair enough.

HANNAH: My son is ... well, like you.

PRIOR: Homosexual.

HANNAH (A nod, then): I flew into a rage when he told me, mad as hornets. At first I assumed it was about his . . . (She shrugs)

PRIOR: Homosexuality.

HANNAH: But that wasn't it. Homosexuality. It just seems ... ungainly. Two men together. It isn't an appetizing notion

but then, for me, men in any configuration ... well they're so lumpish and stupid. And stupidity gets me cross.

PRIOR: I wish you would be more true to your demographic profile. Life is confusing enough.

(Little pause. They look at each other.)

PRIOR: You know the Bible, you know ...

HANNAH: Reasonably well, I...

PRIOR: The prophets in the Bible, do they... ever refuse their vision?

HANNAH: There's scriptural precedent, yes.

PRIOR: And what does God do to them? When they do that?

HANNAH: He____ Well, he feeds them to whales.

(They both laugh. Priors laugh brings on breathing trouble.)

HANNAH: Just lie still. You'll be all right.

PRIOR: NO. I won't be. My lungs are getting tighter. The fever mounts and you get delirious. And then days of delirium and awful pain and drugs; you start slipping and then. I really ... fucked up. I'm scared. I can't do it again.

HANNAH: You shouldn't talk that way. You ought to make a better show of yourself.

PRIOR: Look at this ... horror.

(He lifts his shirt; his torso is spotted with three or four lesions)

See? That's not human. That's why I run. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't anybody.

HANNAH: It's a cancer. Nothing more. Nothing more human than that.

PRIOR: Oh God, I want to be done.

HANNAH: An angel is just a belief, with wings and arms that can carry you. It's naught to be afraid of. If it lets you down, reject it. Seek for something new.

PRIOR: I...

I might have read the first act of Angels in America a hundred times, but the funny thing is, I've never read the second act even once. I'm undeniably curious about what would happen after Act I, but the single act itself is already quite overwhelming. There are so many things happening. So many ideologies, beliefs, issues, and troubles, are put together. The most prominent subject that is presented might be homosexual oppression during the AIDS pandemic. However, personally, I found the matter of the clash between homosexuality and religion to be the most interesting in this drama, particularly, this act.

As for this excerpt, I found it especially heartwarming that a mother who lives in a religious homophobic society, probably all of her life, finally accepts her homosexual son for who he is. Although still sets a stereotypical perspective toward homosexuals, what's most important is that she validates homosexuality itself. She even talks to Prior, another gay character in this drama, in a supportive manner. What makes an impression on me the most is when she says, "No you can't. Imagine. The things in my head. You don't make assumptions about me, mister; I won't make them about you," to Prior. This shows her character development from being a homophobic who generalizes queerness to an accepting and open-minded person.

I can't say Angels in America is a light reading. However, if you're up for something not really serious but can really make you think about the issues related to queer discrimination, this is a perfect reading for you.

#literature

[resmarted]

i will shield you from all the ugly in the world, the snares of the fowler and the beasts that lurk in plain daylight, i’ll take a sword to their ankles and bring them all to their knees. i shalt not be afraid for the terror by night nor for the arrow that flieth by day, the whole shebang, baby. i’m elbow deep in your rib cage with a determination like no other when i ask if i’m coming on too strong. of course i am. of course i beckon at your feet like a dog in the night, of course i am ready to tear anyone limb by limb for daring to speak ill on your name. everyone has warned you about me. there was a time i would laugh at this in twisted delight, and to be fair i still am a bit, but i’m not laughing when i say i would keep you safe. the world moves at a different speed when we are together, slows down, becomes more malleable. you are a blood diamond, mined from childhood trauma and sculpted into this rare, beautiful thing. i waste away in the very idea of you, with such a sick craving that i should be ashamed. i should repent for impure thoughts and whimsical notions on lazy afternoons where all i have to dream about is a life outside of this that’s easier and fun, but we both know i’ll just keep doing it. we both know i’ll apologize only to remain unchanged, this endless cycle of failed repression and untamed desire. you are a tense jawbone and rigid movements, cautious and selective with every minute detail of your interactions, a wounded animal in a cage of its own making. i am a wildfire, a clumsy overgrown ball of restless claws that can’t help but pounce, the moth to the flame and all that. i bet that’s everyone though. i bet it’s so sickening. i can’t imagine having to live with the weight of such great beauty and the pain it has invited into your life from such a young age. this isn’t pandering, or at least i don’t mean it that way, but it is a world so beyond me and my scope of understanding that i wouldn’t know where to begin as far as the consideration of what might make one uncomfortable or how it’s not always as funny as i think it is. yes i am too handsy and too forward and too fast and too furious, have we gone over this before? it feels like we have been down this road and i feel like i go in circles saying the same things so i just stopped saying anything at all. i cannot stop being who i am, though. i don’t know if that’s too traumatizing for you, but you should surely stay far away if that really is the case. i can never tell if you’re being dramatic or if i’m being the monster, or maybe it’s a little bit of both, but i’m not into it. i cannot play this game where i pretend you’re a sexless being and that i am disinterested in that entire aspect of your identity and just talk about old episodes of the office in some phony social dance that doesn’t even make any sense to begin with. i cannot feel within my purpose if i am not able to give and provide, but i tend to give to all the wrong people while the deserving are left in sleepless hunger. what is that? that off-kilter aim on the compass, that pit in the stomach that can read through the eyes and souls of everyone around me and still chooses to see the good regardless of the consequences it may hold over my own well-being? is it a conscious refusal to allow the misplaced anger and trust issues of others to consume my inner joy, or just plain stupidity? i can’t stand the thought of hurting you or being any added pressure to the spiraling and the unnecessary amount of shit you put yourself through, you hurt yourself enough on your own and certainly don’t need my help. i wish it were different. i wish i were able to act like everyone else does and pick on you like you’re just up for the chopping block as per the social norms. but when have you ever known me to participate in social norms? seriously. when have you ever known me to do it like anyone else?

i know you are scared and intimidated and have this unreasonable fear of not being good enough even though i am outside of your window setting myself on fire for your affection, which is weird to me, but i suppose you’ve known me in every other life and are well aware of my tendency to become bored and let go only moments after something that once burned so brightly. and i get it, the pedestal only gets higher so the fall is surely to be harder, but i swear even if that were the case i would simply pull out my mod podge and put you back together again piece by aching little piece. i would prop you back up in bed beside me so you can say things like, did you notice the influx of olsen twin posts with irrelevant captions going around? and i will just say see? people get it. you will remind me that literally no one gets it. and that’s fine, that’s always been the case. i cannot live my life waiting around for other people to get it nor do i feel the need to help them along in any capacity, but for you i would pull out the charts and graphs with great enthusiasm and teach you every idiosyncrasy of the kardashian-jenner family tree like our lives depended on it. my favorite part about this image is the thought of you so vehemently rejecting such knowledge that it causes an actual fight because it’s already my fault you know anything about them in the first place. how cruel of me! how dare i infest your precious mind with such pedestrian brain rot. please forgive me, please send my love to the gods and a letter of appeal to my rejection from the heavens. i’ve spent my life keeping everyone at arm’s length, only letting them know the very careful and concise parts of me that i have meticulously presented, and it will likely stay that way. it’s no one’s business! it’s literally no one’s business. not what i do with you or with him or her or them or zer or whoever it may be, for as much as i love to shout declarations of love from the rooftops, i am shouting into a void where passersby are unaware of how lucky they are to even witness in real time. i owe nothing to those standing before me, nor have they earned the right to know anything about me beyond the vapid nonsense i spew for fun, and i think that’s fine. no one else seems to think so, everyone seems to tiptoe around the rumor mill trying to put the pieces together and i can only feel flattered that so much time and energy has been invested into me and my personal life. this is the thing i keep saying, the thing about how only two types of people in the world exist, the creators and the consumers, and they’re almost never the same people. there is an instinct to poke and prod, perhaps because everyone is so open about everything they expect you to be the same. maybe because it’s become the norm to discuss gargling dicks and eating ass that by comparison i am a puritan that wandered into the wrong century and am somehow still being burned at the stake by the very same people claiming to also be witches. isn’t that strange? i used to have so much fun, but i suppose i’m filtering out the parts of these memories where i became the topic of conversation every time i wasn’t in the room, where i have been a mystery everyone tries to solve or to at least break apart and conquer in some sick game of their own making. i am a closed off little hermit because i learned the hard way.

i keep to myself and wait for the day you feel better enough to look me in the eye again. the isolation you’ve put yourself through has been a fraction of the kind i’ve grown so devastatingly accustomed to. you think this is a one time deal or that it’s a rare once in a lifetime sort of thing that happens during youth and that there’s an expiration on this type of risky behavior and general befuddlement, but i’m here to bear the bad news that it happens again and again. you will fail and fuck up over and over again. you will deal with relentless disappointments and it doesn’t make you any less of who you are. people will continue to target you the way they always have, for different reasons than my own but mostly all relating back to the attention they have or haven’t received from you. they feel safer in big numbers and sometimes i do too, i think it’s natural. being a loner though, being completely fine with the solitude, something about that really rubs people the wrong way. i’ve seen it happen countless times, a friend to all is a friend to none, and such. i know this isn’t much, like i know your issues delve a lot deeper than this tiny little surface i’m scratching, but you’re not too crazy for me. you will never be too crazy for me.

#long reads

[astronomicalpi]

Missing

I have found that, as of late, that your name has come up in conversation or in my thoughts. I thought that I was making and had been making progress in getting over you in the resolution that you don't miss me. Lately I found that I miss you, which isn't unusual to miss an old flame and the sex shared, but I miss something more than that. I miss your smile and being able to spend time together, being able to laugh and goof with you, I miss the support you gave me when I struggled in my path and I tried to do the same for you, I miss that I had gotten to a point where we didn't have to have a physical moment to be close and honestly I miss the potential of us and for us. Potential does not and will not supercede the reality that there is no us and my missing you is very much in vain because you don't miss me and have gone as far to find someone else or anyone else rather than me.

And that is okay. It hurts but that is okay because it must be, I must be, and it has to be in order I believe for you to find your happiness and for me to move forward and find mine as well. In many ways I really don't know exactly why I miss you but can only speculate on ideas that might be or leaning on hopes that what I know to be true is wrong but I know it isn't as evident by the final exchange of words.

I plan to tell you happy birthday but don't know what to say and really don't feel like spilling my heart's content away for it to be disregarded and stepped on. Time and age has softened a once hardened heart because this wouldn't have been something I need a while ago and I hate it but understand maybe that this is to make me a better individual so I will say happy birthday simply because I miss you and it will put me at ease to at least show that I am thinking of you even if you think not of me.

Maybe time will heal because I know I have put in the work and effort to move forward and heal but am just not there yet stuck missing you that maybe rejection will absolve or personal confirmation and closure of what I know to be true.

___________________________________

Fast Forward about a week or so after your birthday:

Well...I said happy birthday to you and if I am honest I said a lot more than just happy birthday days prior that lead to an argument of sorts, a futile gush of remnant feelings and the cool reality of no reciprocation that I said I made my peace with a while back and that I did but still dug a knife deep into my back that I am begrudgingly pulling out of a old wound to realize that even though it doesn't hurt like before, doesn't bleed profusely like the past, that is still aches to remind me that it isn't quite healed even if it isn't quite fresh but the longer I prod at it the wound will fester and infect my being with a toxicity that threatens to undermine and destroy the very life and goals I intend to build for myself simply because I allowed myself to hurt again over someone who forgot about me a long time, who saw our moment as a bit of fun and nothing more and whose being should mean nothing to me but for some reason still does for now.

Honestly I am angry. I am angry at myself for being stupid enough to fall for you knowing that we quite inevitably would never work. I am angry that I, a individual of logic and analytics, became so fucking naive over a woman who basically is a hot pile of mental angst, past trauma,aloof stubbornness and aimless pantings; I am angry because I believed that things would work based on sexual chemistry negating that I knew only a little bit about her and she knew only a little of what I told her when in all actuality I know nothing of her (Only the bare skeletal basis) and she hasn't an idea about me (only abstract pieces in various aspects of my life which may have her concede to an preconceived notion of me). I am angry because I shouldn't have let her get me this low but I did. I am angry because I thought I loved her...I loved the idea of her, of what she could be, what we could have been, where we could have gone. But. That wasn't meant to ever happen because we, as 2 individual and cosmic forces and beings, would continually butt heads because we would never be on the same page, continually causing rips and tears at the fabric of our beings hoping that the temporary salves of sex and sexual intimacy would be a farce cement to hold a failing infrastructure together. I am angry because because I realize that now fully well but the pain and angst of her still lingers like the wound not quite healed quite literally because I poked the proverbial nest part to hear what I expected: anger and the burning of a brigde or a love suppressed not what occurred in the expelling of whatever was left of my heart's content for her to aloofness.

I am angry in a way because I have found myself unraveling at the seems quite a bit becoming rash and hot tempered when other things and people tempt or prevoke me when truly I shouldn't let them and because I know that I am far smarter and better than that then to let them win and potentially ruin my future by succumbing to the temption and pressure of the present by an old wound that I should leave be to heal with time, patience, elevation and the refusal to compromise or degradate to the level of individuals who aren't on my level and worth my time.

Writing this serves as a salve because in my festering of unwritten or spoken angst they compile rage and toxicity in my spirit that like her that I must stop poking and let be. We are " friends" at the moment but even that is a far cry from the actuality of our position: as aquaintances with differences in knowlegde, direction, purpose and a myraid of other things that may honestly see this not last long or be forgotten until a house cleaning is in order and removed subsequently by either or. I am angry but really I shouldn't be, I have no need to be, nor do I want to be at all. I wish to be in complete peace and focused on what I need to be to accomplish the process to reach where I want to be and part of that is acknowlegding my anger, hurt, and pain; my part in it and subsequently my expression of it in chanelling it and relinquishing it.

It won't be easy but I think it is time and I am ready to forgot this moment, remember this lesson, and move forward with focus, vigor and strength!

[theliterateape]

Optimism When Things are Easy is a Sham

By Don Hall

"For mine I am an optimist by nature. My reading of history is that the world has always stepped back from the edge of disaster. Against all odds, here we are, alive and kicking." — Rabbi Laibl Wolf

Optimism isn’t merely hope. It isn’t happiness or a cheery disposition.

Optimism is an act of resilience against the brutal harshness of living the existential crisis.

It’s darkest just before the dawn implies that there will be a dawn. What if there won’t be? What if it’s just more darkness? If the implacable timpani of human greed, a self correcting planetary environment, and the algorithm that defines our modern interaction has no end, should that result in giving in to the despair?

As optimism is a breeze when things are going your way, despair is the path of least resistance when things turn to dire. Seeing through the mist at a better future takes effort and commitment like a solid marriage or a massive novel you’ve committed to writing. It’s a project to be managed not a feeling to languish within.

One cannot truly call himself an optimist who refuses to see the horror. Pretending that people are essentially kind and generous is stuffing the ostrich head in the sand. People are apes with higher brain functions and follow the rules of the jungle. Tribalism, essentialism, war for resources, the history of brutality of all humanity goes far beyond Hannah Jones’ 1619 Project. Taken in whole, we aren’t a very enlightened and forgiving species.

Further, optimism is an individual choice. It’s not something that can be enforced but it is something that can be inspired. The American Experiment, despite its many missteps and flaws, is grounded in a belief that humans can govern themselves justly and effectively. Given the larger picture, belief in democracy is only slightly more delusional than the guy playing slots so he can pay his rent. The odds are astronomically against success and yet the choice to persevere is made.

“We have to reject the notion that we’re suddenly gripped by forces that we cannot control. We’ve got to embrace the longer and more optimistic view of history and the part that we play in it. If you are skeptical of such optimism, I will say something that may sound controversial. I used to say this to my staff in the White House, young interns who would come in, any group of young people that I met with, and that is that by just about every measure, America is better, and the world is better, than it was 50 years ago, 30 years ago, or even 10 years ago.” — President Barack Obama

This isn’t just hopeful bullshit. This is completely pragmatic, data-driven reality.

Despite the horrors of police killing unarmed black men in viral videos that seem to crop up every other day, the number of unarmed black men killed or injured by police in America has decreased dramatically in the past five years.

Despite the heartbreaking realities of homelessness in America, more people have more access to food and healthcare than ever in the history of the country.

Despite the histrionics of the trans-activists burning Harry Potter books as an expression of (quasi-authoritarian) outrage, the LGTBQ + community is at a unique and unprecedented place of societal acceptance in America.

That’s not hopeful thinking. Those are cold, hard facts. Optimism is not rooted in fantasy but grounded in seeing a fuller picture and recognizing progress when it smacks you in the face. Ignoring the macrocosm and expanding the microcosm’s importance is the choice of children. A child only sees how things affect himself; an adult comprehends that there is more to see and a larger consequence to that ego-driven hyperbole than self-interest.

It’s darkest just before the dawn. There’s the rub. What if there is no light at the end of the tunnel? What if Trump manages to maintain his seat in the Oval Office? What if he packs the SCOTUS with a six-three conservative majority? What if we go to war with China? What if the planet continues the onslaught of climate disaster? If history tells any story at all, it is this:

There is always a dawn.

In the closing moments of the horror film The Mist, after enduring a terrifying night of uncertainty and surviving monsters (both genuine monsters and the monsters humans reveal themselves to be under extreme fear and rage), Thomas Janes is finally escaping. With him is a woman and a child. Once the vehicle runs out of gas and they are still enveloped by the impenetrable mist, they hear what they believe are more monsters. In that moment of despair Janes decides that dying by his hand is better than facing the monsters so he shoots both the child and the woman. As he prepares to kill himself, the monsters he fears turn out to be soldiers and the true horror was his giving into the fear.

If, after the pandemic is under some semblance of decline, the economy starts to find its footing, and Trump is in prison (either in 2022 or 2026), you gave in the despair you’re gonna feel pretty fucking stupid and then spend the rest of your days justifying your shortsighted pessimism.

If you mourn Justice Ginsburg and laud her achievements in changing America for the better yet respond to injustice by throwing cans at cops and justifying looting and destruction, you will have missed the lesson of her life. She never screamed in the streets or stomped her existential adolescent feet to express her desire for a better future. Ginsburg focused her rage and slowly, deliberately, and effectively worked through the democratic system she believed in and fomented lasting change.

Recently, a poll indicated that roughly two-thirds of Zoomers did not know that six million Jews were murdered in the Holocaust. The tragedy is not their myopic narcissism and pathological disregard for history. It is their dismissal of those who survived the Holocaust because they refused to give in to despair. 

When you see someone who has one of those death camp tattoos on their arm you are witnessing a genuine, tried and true, bona fide optimist.

Optimism is hardest when things turn to shit but it is then when it is most necessary.

#Optimism #Optimism is Essential #Positive thinking #Big picture