#but intentionally going out of your way to show the developer's family like it's a Gotcha Moment

[capricious-bastard13]

I've watched Jack's (Jacksepticeye's) playthrough of MyHouse.Wad, and at first, because I only heard of Doom and never played it, I let it play in the background. Until Jack's voice starts reading the attached letter to the game.

My thought immediately went, "This is something, and I feel like I'll like this something." I rewind it and watched it from the very start to the end. But I felt it wasn't all that it was, I bounced from his to the comments, explaining the game and all being recommended to play it for yourself. I don't have the resources to do so, so when I saw a comment about a video explaining it, I looked it up. The video lays out the house and the different ways you can go from point a to point b. I've seen Power Pak's after watching Jack's playthrough. And just now, I've watched Pyrocynical's video and theory on it.

There's two that stood out to me, near the end; he lays out the theories and practically dismisses the queer interpretations of it. Until now, I've always been in the camp of "Thomas and Steve were a couple, but due to the time period, or their families, they kept it hidden." When watching Pyro's video, I started realising, why were there pills on the bathroom floor, why the crib, the ring? And I felt like Pyro was nearly there, he was so close to putting it together.

But he dismisses Thomas perhaps being trans or that Steve and Thomas are gay--calls a "fat stretch" and "Level difficulty: Medium" respectively.

I've prefaced all this, because as someone who's transmasc, it felt invalidating. For months I've seen this game--although I never played it and only watched it--as a queer story of grief and loss, of processing that loss, of going through stages of denial, of reliving memories, of just wanting to reach an end where you feel at peace, of looking back on that journey and thinking to yourself that you've made it--past the hardships to a place where you can feel at peace again.

MyHouse.wad being as ambiguous as it is but leaving all these little tidbits is as when it comes to art, hard to piece together. But hearing about how there's also a trans interpretation of made me perk up, thinking, "oh, it's going to be talked about in detail," only to be disappointed.

So, despite being that MyHouse.wad has probably had this interpretation ("tHeOrY") put up already, I still felt compelled to write my own view on it using the pieces that I know of--but, there might be details that I describe vaguely because I don't remember them all that much.

We get tiny little small glimpses of Thomas through Steve's entries, of introduction we get along with the link to download it. And even just from the descriptions of the items in the game like the ring, the die, and whatnot. And the first thought is, "oh, they're gay, but they're not out," which is a sad thought, yes. But I held that interpretation close to me. It's a journey of Steve trying to get through his grief, of plunging in to his thoughts, dismantled and breaking apart as they are. The rawness of everything, of how for him, it probably felt so fresh still and this game, of going through their mod map is his way of processing--never mind how it consumed him, as he said.

And what I consider to be the best ending; the real beach, with a heart on the sand, initials--"S and A, forever". Who's 'A'? Isn't it supposed to be 'T' for Thomas?

I've seen how 'A' could be for "Allord", Thomas' last name, and at the time, yeah, maybe it is A for Allord. But what if it isn't? What if 'A' is the deadname--using that initial, despite it being a deadname, was probably used to protect them, protect him-Thomas. To be seen a heteronormative couple to get away from the hate, the stares, the animosity.

What about the excerpt of their death? Thomas' photo clearly being of a man? Well, that's just it. It's an indication of how the family has accepted Thomas for who he is and to honor him properly, used what a photo of what he looks like now, of who he really is. Proudly too, showing him as Thomas Allord, age 35, in the newspapers. This is their son, brother, and husband.

This is certainly something that will be labeled as a "fat stretch". The crib, then? The pills? And the bloodied bathroom? Perhaps, Thomas had gotten pregnant, experienced a miscarriage in the airport bathroom and had to be rushed to the hospital. As Steve puts in the description of the baby bottle; "It wasn't meant to be." And as he writes in his journal entry, he had a dream, a baby crying in the attic, in the crib, a still born baby.

Perhaps, Thomas was ready to carry the baby--their baby and due to complications, what happened, happened. They'd already bought the crib, but put it away, and we see, maybe both of them had hope that they still had a chance, clinging on.

"If Steve and Thomas are together as you say, then why does Steve refer to Thomas as "my friend" or "my childhood friend"?" Living through life closeted brings habits, unfortunately.

I've grown up without realising that I'm trans, and it was only the past few years where I've realised that the gender I was given and raised to be, isn't who I am. Despite my family knowing, they still call me with feminine pronouns, I get referred to as "sister", or "she/her" a lot of the times. And it's become the biggest norm for me that they just fly by my head without even noticing it, without getting the chance to say "that's not my pronouns".

Is this a "weak" point of the "theory"? No, because I see it as valid. People who aren't out or don't have the chance to express who they are live day to day with being misgendered, seen as someone they're not. I don't want to say, "everybody experiences this" or that there are people who don't go through intense dysphoria that it becomes crippling; I'm just saying, that for me, this is how my day to day is today, what it's like--a sort of cynical indifference to it that boils beneath the surface of my skin.

Or, this is Steve's way to be ambiguous; Thomas was Steve's friend first before they reunited, gotten married, lived together, after all.

Maybe, he wanted to detach himself in his grief and longing. A way to protect himself from the immense loss he's going through and this is his way of doing that. By saying that Thomas was just a childhood friend, it probably eased the pain just a bit.

Or, Power Pak states in his video, isn't it strange how explicit names are never--if ever, rarely-- given. Thomas' name doesn't show up until February of 2023. Steve's name is never used. Maybe, Steve wasn't the one who wrote the journal; a third party who saw the effects of loss on Steve, instead?

In the newspaper clipping of Thomas' life, it's stated how he reconnected with his high school crush, got married and moved in with his partner. The ambiguity could mean that the family simply didn't want bigots to be bigots toward their loved one.

In Steve's clipping detailing his life, he also reconnected with his high school crush. "Soulmate", this person is described as. And like with Thomas', "partner" is used, rather something explicit like, "husband" or "wife."

Although, "wife" can't be correct either since Steve doesn't have a partner listed who outlived him, simply his family.

With MyHouse.wad being as up for interpretation as it is, there's ways of reading into things, one can take it however way they want to, where they want to.

And I, personally, like to think that Steve and Thomas are happy together, with their cat, cuddled up together in their home.

You picked up Die. "Roll for intercourse?"

I feel so helpless, like I can't do anything to bring him back. I feel so sad and it feels like my heart is heavy. I can't help but think about all of the fun times we had together growing up. All of our adventures, our secrets, and even our arguments. I miss him so much and I can't believe he's gone.

You picked up Ring. "I do."

I attended the funeral of my childhood friend, and I was overwhelmed with grief. As I looked around at everyone else in the room, I could feel the sadness in the air... I never imagined that I would be saying goodbye to my friend so soon.

You picked up Wine Bottle. "Drunk Buddy." You picked up a Bauble. "Christmas makes me happy."

Happy Valentines day to the only person I ever loved. For a short time, you brought a little happiness to this painful existence called life. I hope we can be together again one day.

You picked up Baby Bottle. "It wasn't meant to be." You picked up Pill Bottle. "Refill needed." You picked up Full Pill Bottle. "Feelin' fine."

You picked up Game Controller. "It's my turn."

Somewhere, in another dream, the version of myself that winked back is sitting on the real beach, happy and content, knowing life is finite, there is no afterlife, and happiness is found in the small things around us that we can control. Happiness has to be fought for.

#MyHouse.wad #My Writing #-ish? #If someone reads this please be nice I know I probably got somethings wrong #Or that this interpretation has already been talked about #I just wanted to make a sort of timeline ish interpretation thing so I can get my own thoughts in order #I also know nothing about the Doom community and I only know stuff about MyHouse.wad #Pyrocynical practically dismissing the queer reading and then finding MyHouse's developer's previous partner as if to say #“See guys?” feels quite dirty #in a sense where it just leaves a bad taste in the mouth #Of course MyHouse.wad's story is fiction #but intentionally going out of your way to show the developer's family like it's a Gotcha Moment #Pyro was so close to putting the pieces of a puzzle together but it's as if he's trying to cram in two already interconnected pieces #Into the wrong holes and going “It just won't fit!” #Thomas and Steve left things ambiguous because there are things that are probably just too private and simply only for them #I can't believe honestly how he went about Thomas being trans or how Steve and Thomas can't be gay #Only to talk about their matching obituaries for the next theory #Then adding in the whole "the developer based this mod on his relationship with his partner is just #Do you not know how to separate fact from fiction? Because of course MyHouse is going to be fiction? #If Steve really is dead then Veddge's introduction to the game and saying how his “childhood friend” has passed and implying that #Veddge /is/ Steve? Do you not see how strange that would be? Or does he think that someone from Steve's life is just going around #With his account acting as if they are Steve? #My head's starting to hurt from all this Pyro honestly the fuck lmao

[writingdirectory]

Notes from a 5-day creative writing course:

Motivation

Make it a habit. That way, each time that familiar voice of self-doubt makes its appearance, it’ll be easier to ignore it, because writing will become something that you do-your thing-and you’ll gain confidence in it.

Visit your novel every single day. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to write something every day. You could outline the plot, or write character portraits, or draw a special part of your world. Your subconscious will work on your story even when you don’t. So, each time you visit the story consciously, you’ll find that things have developed in the story.

Manage the time of writing in a way that it is manageable for you. (It can be that one hour between classes or your lunch break or the morning before you go to work or at night before you sleep - Schedule it in a way that suits you and then, be serious about it.

Set a goal. For example, 100 or 500 words a day.

Character Development, Word Choice & Description

At first, characters incarnate ideas. A poor man who wins the lottery, a young boy who travels to a magical land. As we develop the story, they become people - real people with backgrounds and unique choices.

Ways we perceive character: through actions, thoughts (conflict), dialogue, interactions with others.

Bring intentionality to the representation of a character.  Don't give arbitrary information.

How a character reacts is a question of how you want to represent them through all those multiplicities that are dialogue, actions, interactions, etc.

Characters always want something. They are never static. With wants come obstacles and transformation.

Create tension between what a characters thinks, feels and says. For example, set external confidence and internal fear and then change that as the story develops. Characters can also be comfortable or scared depending on the situation.

Explore complexity. How a character talks to their lover is different from how they talk to their friends and family.

Give secondary characters a characteristic beyond their function to make them more prominent.

Make a hierarchy out of characters.

Exercise: Write the portrait of a character, how you would introduce them in the story and a description of them from a character that a) likes them and b) dislikes them.

Word Choice. When it starts sounding like writing, cut it out - Kill your darlings. Example: The car was spotted with rust - shows the car. As opposed to: The car was acned with rust - shows the writing. Sometimes a more refined word works against the object/image.

Description: Don’t just put in details. The details need to be significant for the image you want the reader to see.

Don’t use metaphors and lyricism in the expense of clarity. Be precise. Metaphors and similes should fit the narrative and not distract the reader. For example, saying “He barked like a dog” sounds fine, but if there are no dogs in your world, it is out of place and breaks the narrative. Be specific. Name things. Don’t be vague. Precision grounds your fiction.

Determine if you need static or lively description. Lively description is when you describe things through actions. Like “She passed her fingers through her blond hair”, instead of “Her hair was blond”.

Sense of authenticity. When you describe a place precisely, you gain your reader’s trust. A column is different from a golden column. That kind of attention gives a sense of authority and makes the narrative convincing.

Parts of description: smell, sound, sight, taste, touch, temperature, pressure.

Dialogue & POVs

Dialogue a) informs the character, b) moves the story forward, c) develops relationships between characters.

Dialogue isn’t just about how people talk.

What’s said can suggest what isn’t being said.

Use dialogue interspersed with description and visuals.

Choose the POV that suits your story.

(From David Lodge, ‘The Art of Fiction’.) A fictional story is unlikely to engage our interest unless we know whose story it is. Even with an “omniscient” narrative method, the writer should privilege one or two “points of view”. An objective approach may be a worthy aim in journalism, but not in fiction.

Pros and cons of 1st person POV. Pros: personal and direct, immediacy, intimacy, immediate credibility, easier to build character. Cons: limited, biased, unreliable, writing can become simplistic. When writing in 1st person, keep in mind that characters change, hence their perception changes. That has to be obvious in the narrative.

Pros and cons of 3rd person limited POV. Pros: thoughts can still be on the page, flexibility, wider view of the world, more complex language can be used (usually we think in simple words, so complex writing might sound pretentious and out of place in 1st person POV). Cons: distance (he/she).

GOD MODE. Or, commonly, 3rd person omniscient. You can jump in and out of characters’ minds, but there’s a danger when writing with such freedom. Be aware of structural harmony. Don’t write 10 pages in Sally’s POV and then jump into omniscient.

Use free indirect speech (1st person thoughts in italicized form, eg. No!) to eliminate the distance in 3rd person POVs.

Change POV with reason. Don’t suddenly jump to another POV just because it is interesting. Plan it. Make the change of the POV deliberate and make the reason clear.

Give equal weight to all POVs.  

Setting

The setting of a story is mediated through a character’s experience. It amplifies the theme. It shouldn’t be an arbitrary decision. The setting can make achievements more difficult for characters.

For children, places have magical properties, they are places of significance. The place of someone’s childhood can transform later in the novel, because the character has transformed. There’s a fluidity of meaning attached to places. But keep in mind that, places don’t change. Characters do.

How a character views a place is stated through the language we use.

When writing about a place that exists, have fidelity at the facts.

Editing

Be open to ideas changing.

If it’s not working after 3-4 rewrites, cut it out!

Make sentences active. Things don’t happen to characters. They do things.

Pay attention to rhythm.

Every sentence needs to have a reason to be there.

Usually, we overwrite in dialogue. Use context. Dialogue should be suggestive, rather than explicit.

Edit backwards, because perfectionism kicks in at the beginning.

Isolate. Edit single parts of the story. A chapter, a scene.

Read aloud. It will help find long sentences, pretentious words and unreadable language.

When words become over-familiar, put it down, give it to someone else to read.  

What to look out for: a) Character confusion. Make sure minor characters are introduced properly and find subtle ways to remind your readers who they are. b) Too much exposition. c) Plot holes, inconsistencies - there must rational reasons for coincidences, you must be able to provide logical and credible reasons behind the actions of a character. d) Over-written description.

What to do when editing: cut things out, put new things in, change sentence order and structure, look for repeated words, strengthen verbs (or prune), expand, trim, look for continuity errors, change order of events, introduce a delay in the reveals, rewrite using another POV or tense, determine if each sentence is pulling its weight.

Techniques: a) Prune. Delete text you don’t need. b) Isolate repetitions and delete or substitute with synonyms (look out for pretentious words). c) Cut and paste paragraphs to change order and rearrange. d) write a whole new draft, only looking to the previous one for factual material. e) Use a reader.

Bibliography

Hills Like White Elephants, by Ernest Hemingway (suggestive dialogue)

Concrete Island., by J.J. Ballot (how setting makes goals harder to achieve)

Driving Through Sawmill Towns, by Les Murray (lyricism, setting)

The Art of Fiction, by David Lodge (POV)

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald

On Writing, by Stephen King

#writing #writing reference #writing tips #writing advice #writers on tumblr #writing resources #writing tip #writing motivation #writing encouragement #writeblr #writblr #creative writing #writing community #writers #world building #point of view #editing #character creation #dialogue #mine.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Week 2 (Foxtrot)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble. 

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on Dancing with the Stars to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 15.7k

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Week 2 Quote:   “What’s wrong, do I have too many buttons open or something?”

Katarina’s POV Our first week of rehearsal had gone well after the initial awkwardness dissipated. I admit, I was extremely nervous about how our introduction was going to go and didn’t really know how to handle it. I had hoped Dieter and I would get a chance to talk before filming, but that didn’t happen. I was surprised by how effortlessly he pretended it was our first-time meeting, like we hadn’t had a somewhat confrontational interaction the day before. He had put on a good show, but I could still sense the tension rolling off him as we did our quick filming session. 

I knew that we needed to discuss what happened, so as soon as we were alone, I bit the bullet and brought it up to get it out of the way. I apologized for my behavior. I had to because the things that I had said to him were eating away at my conscience. My reaction wasn’t fair to him. Was he part of the problem? Yes. However, he wasn’t the cause. He was dropped in the middle of the situation just as much as I had been. He wasn’t intentionally trying to cause trouble between me and Alec. It was Stacia and Joe who were hoping that something would develop from their plotting. Dieter was just doing as he was told.

I could tell by the look on Dieter’s face that what I said had hurt him. I had a feeling that he didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t mean it. I hadn’t intended to tell him about my father, but at that moment I felt like he needed to hear it. I wanted him to know that I was sorry and that I wasn’t like everyone else who had been doubting him. He was willing to be open with me about his sobriety, so I felt like I needed to share something personal with him as well. We were going to be partners after all. That meant we needed to learn to communicate effectively and trust each other. Starting out the way we had would’ve caused us to fall apart quickly if we didn’t right it as soon as possible.  

Dieter seemed to accept my apology and appreciate what I shared about my father. He relaxed almost immediately, which led into a teasing banter between the two of us. He ended up being nothing like I expected. He was very respectful and put in a lot of effort to learn everything I was teaching him. I had a feeling he would be a decent dancer, but I was surprised at how quickly he was picking things up and how good he was in executing the moves. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I might actually have a shot to make it to finals. I just had to make sure I stayed on top of my game to help him get there. I also had to make sure I didn’t allow myself to be attracted to the man. 

The thought of finding Dieter attractive never crossed my mind when I was told he would be my partner. I had seen pictures of him before rehab and he usually looked like a mess. However, I had to admit that the man did clean up nicely. His sweet temperament and eagerness to learn didn’t help the situation. His puppy dog eyes and golden-retriever energy made it hard to not like him. There were times when his large brown orbs would look up at me through his lashes because he was unsure about something, and it would literally take my breath away. After spending up to seven hours with him every day last week to go over the basics of ballroom dance, I couldn’t deny that I found him to be alluring. 

I found myself brushing thoughts of Dieter aside often. I couldn’t allow myself to think about him like that because I had Alec. Though, Alec did have me in a constant state of frustration that left me questioning our relationship. He had been even more insufferable since I started working with Dieter, becoming more possessive than he normally was while also being less forthcoming than normal about how things were going with his own dance partner. I couldn’t help the distrust that I still felt toward him. I had a feeling this season of the show was going to be our final test. It was either going to strengthen our relationship or break it. The way it stood after the first week, the tighter he tried to hold on, the further away he was pushing me. It was adding a lot of stress to my personal life, which was quickly causing my time with Dieter to turn into an escape and that concerned me.  

We were now into Monday of week two. The week that things really started kicking off for our grueling schedule. The agenda for this particular Monday was fairly light, physically, since Mondays would normally be a live show day. Instead of the show, we were shooting promo material, which meant all the dance couples had photoshoot sessions lined up. Dieter and I were scheduled for 11 AM, but we still had to go in early for hair and makeup. The entire cast is required to use the show’s hair and makeup team which is set up in a large room inside Television City Studios. There are stations lining the perimeter of the room, each having a large mirror surrounded by lights, a counter stocked with all the needed utensils and products, and a barber chair. 

Dieter and I both arrived around the same time and grabbed some terrible coffee from Craft Services to get us through the morning, making small talk as we headed toward hair and makeup. As soon as we entered the room, we were whisked off to stations on opposite sides of the space. He was seated directly behind me, which meant we could see each other in the mirrors. It was hard not to stare, given he was right in my line of sight. I quickly noticed him doing the same thing. When our eyes would meet in the reflection, he would often give me an exasperated look as the hair stylist struggled with his tresses, then smile. I smiled back as I watched them tame his unruly curls into a more sophisticated style. They had gelled it back, but left a hint of curl to it. I couldn’t help thinking how handsome he looked as I watched him stand and head toward the wardrobe department.

Once my ridiculous amount of makeup was applied and my hair styled into an elegant low bun with sparkly diamond-like accessories, I made my way to the wardrobe department as well. They confirmed that Dieter was my partner before going to pull a couple of dress options that would coordinate with what they had put him in. I could hear Dieter laughing loudly in the back near the fitting area as one of the tailors, who I didn’t know, came to the front and told the costume coordinator behind the desk to update Dieter’s measurements because his shoulders were too broad for what they had put him in, causing him to pop a button off the shirt already. A look passed between the two women that said they were clearly smitten with the actor. I figured he probably charmed them as soon as he walked into the room. I had already noticed that he had a way of doing that. 

As one of the costumers led me back to the changing rooms, I passed by Dieter standing in front of a mirror, bare chested as the tailor from earlier handed him another black button up shirt to try. He gave me a cheesy smile, “I’m already causing trouble. I’ve busted out of my shirt.” Fucking hell, he looks good. I was taken off guard by the sight of him, and his comment. The best I could manage was a quiet chuckle as I continued toward my destination. His broad shoulders, toned chest, and sculpted arms were now seared into my brain. He had a slim waist but was a little soft around the middle. I found it to be more attractive than Alec’s overly chiseled abs. Yeah, I’m definitely going to hell. I felt hot and flustered suddenly as I took the black and silver Latin style dress from the costumer to try on and made my way into a changing room.  

After I was dressed, I walked out to the fitting area so the tailor could look over my attire. Dieter was now fully dressed but had left several of the top buttons on his shirt open and rolled the sleeves up - which wasn’t unusual for the guys on the show. However, I was finding those small areas of exposed flesh to be incredibly distracting. It was ridiculous because it wasn’t like I hadn’t seen his forearms during rehearsals when he wore t-shirts. I had to force myself to look away from his reflection as he stood nearby chatting with the tailor about the fit of the shirt in the shoulders. I almost snorted as she recommended he continue to leave several buttons open to give him room to move freely. He didn’t say anything in response, but I did notice a slight upward twitch of his left eyebrow. A small smirk formed on his lips as the tailor smiled up at him. Smooth. I can respect her game. I looked away quickly as his eyes briefly wandered over toward me. 

Once the tailor stopped fawning over Dieter, she moved to stand in front of me, eyes roaming over me to check the fit of the dress. She reached to tug at the fabric around my breast, pulling it tighter and adjusting the straps. I rolled my head back and chanced a glance in Dieter’s direction to find him watching with a furrowed brow. The tailor backed away, “Do you want sticky inserts or do you want me to pin it back?”

I sighed, “Inserts are fine if that’ll work.” She nodded before disappearing to the back. Dieter cleared his throat, his face now looking slightly flushed, “I’ll uhhh, wait for you up front.” I gave him a tight smile as I tried not to laugh at his embarrassment over watching the tailor grope at me. After doing this for 13 years, I was used to it. A few minutes later, the tailor, who I later learned was named Amy, returned with a new set of stick-on bra cups. Luckily that helped solve my issue and she sent me on my way so that we could get to the photographer on time. 

As I emerged into the front waiting area, Dieter gave me a mischievous smirk, “Did you get everything sorted out.”

I looked down at my chest, cupped both breasts in my hands briefly before looking back up at him with a blank expression, “Yeah, I think so. They aren’t popping out now.” His eyes widened before he burst out laughing. That hadn’t been the response he was expecting. I chuckled as I turned him to face the exit and pushed him toward it. 

When we walked into the room where the photographer was set up, my eyes were drawn to Alec and Lana being photographed. They were full of giggles and smiles as they posed for their promo shots. They weren’t doing anything inappropriate, but there was something about the way they kept glancing at each other that made my stomach churn. I’m being such a fucking hypocrite right now. I had literally been devouring Dieter with my eyes a few minutes prior, so it wasn’t like I had room to speak. Then again, I wasn’t the one who had a history of cheating either. I felt Dieter lean in next to me, “Hey, you ok?” 

Snapping out of the glare I was surely throwing their way, I glanced up at Dieter, “Yeah, I’m good.” I gave him a tight smile which didn’t seem too convincing. He looked back toward Alec and Lana, his face shifting as he studied them. I wondered if he could see what I saw between them. There was definitely chemistry there. A moment later, I felt his hand on my shoulder as he gave it a small reassuring squeeze. It seemed like he was trying to communicate something without words, but I didn’t know what to make of it. 

Alec and Lana were finished soon after our arrival. Alec seemed surprised to see us once he finally looked in my direction. He made a beeline toward Dieter and I, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me on the cheek, “Hey baby, you look good.” 

I gave him a confused smile. He wasn’t usually this touchy while we were in work mode. He glanced over at Dieter and reached his hand out to introduce himself as my “soon to be husband”. Oh…it’s because of Dieter. He’s getting territorial. For fucks sake. Dieter didn’t skip a beat, immediately turning on that Bravo charm. Alec didn’t seem to buy it, but that didn’t stop him from making small talk as he sized Dieter up. The two men were of similar height, but Dieter was much broader and thick, while Alec was leaner and more sculpted. There was no contest there. 

In my periphery, I noticed Lana giving me the stink eye from the other side of the room. Well, that tells me all I need to know about her. I awkwardly moved to extract myself from Alec’s hold, noting that the photographer was ready for us. As we listened to the photographer’s instructions, I could tell Dieter’s energy was off. I glanced back in the direction we had come from, realizing Alec was still standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. His intimidating gaze now focused on us. The photographer politely suggested a few poses for us, we complied but I could tell Dieter was hesitating when it came to touching me.

After Alec left the room, the energy shifted. Both of us eventually relaxing enough to have fun with it as I instructed him into several less intimate dance poses. We spent a lot of time laughing over his failed attempts. Once our hour was up, the photographer seemed happy with the shots he had taken. Even commenting that we had been one of the more fun couples that he had worked with so far. Dieter took the credit for that, citing that he was just a fun guy to be around. I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes at him. At that point, we were finished for the day. We quickly got changed and said our goodbyes so we could go home to rest and prepare for what was to come. 

Tuesdays started with production meetings. Today we would be having our first one to go over the details of our routine - the dance, costumes, and music. I always hated these meetings and felt like it was something that could have been given to us in writing. However, I suspected these meetings served another purpose. It was an opportunity for Stacia and Joe to see how the dancers and celebrities were getting along. A chance for them to learn about our relationships and see where they could throw the gasoline next. Knowing that was most likely the real reasoning caused my frustrations to grow. It made me feel anxious in a way that had never been an issue in the past because I knew they were looking to manipulate us in any way they could. I knew I would need to be vigilant and make sure we were not playing into their games. 

I had debated warning Dieter about Stacia and Joe and was still considering it while I ate my breakfast. As I was finishing up, my phone pinged with multiple texts from Alec with an absurd number of questions about my schedule for the week. I let out a controlled breath as I read through them - rolling my eyes before throwing my phone down on the counter without responding. I didn’t have time for that, nor did I want to deal with it. Instead, I moved toward the bathroom to shower and get ready for my day. 

Dieter’s POV My Tuesday had a ridiculously early start. My upcoming schedule was so packed my assistant had to work hard to squeeze in appointments with my therapist wherever he could. So that’s how I ended up in Dr. Smith’s office at 7 AM. Of course, the topic of the day was how things were going with my dance partner and rehearsals. Dr. Smith seemed to zero in on the topic of feelings when I made a comment about how weird it was being so physically close to someone for so long - that it almost felt inappropriate and uncomfortable at times. She immediately asked me to expand on that. After a few minutes of struggling to put it into words, she finally spoke up to share her thoughts. 

“Dieter, we’ve talked about your aversion to intimacy before. I think that’s where this is coming from. I don’t know much about ballroom dancing, but I do know it involves a lot of intimacy and you are not used to that.” 

 I shook my head, “But it’s not like that…it’s not sexual.” Not physically anyway…my thoughts are another story. 

She chuckled, “Intimacy isn’t just sexual. You can have intimacy with friends and family too. It can be emotional, intellectual, creative…there are so many ways to connect with someone that doesn’t involve sex. It’s something that quite frankly, you’ve been starved of and avoided most of your life. So, I can see why it would make you uncomfortable and why you would have the urge to shy away from it.” 

I snorted and spoke before I realized what I was doing, “But I don’t wanna…” Fuck. I caught myself too late.

Her brow furrowed, “You don’t want to what?” 

I sighed, “I don’t wanna shy away from it. I actually enjoy being around Kat. It’s just a little…intense, I guess. It makes me feel anxious and something else…that I don’t really know how to explain.”

Dr. Smith tilted her head slightly as she took in my words, “Dieter, are you attracted to her?” 

Yes. “No…I mean she’s nice looking. I can’t deny that, but she has a fiancée. It’s just…s-she treats me…like a person. She doesn’t look at me and see a fuck up. She’s giving me a chance and not just automatically assuming that I’m gonna fall back into old habits. You know what I mean?”

Dr. Smith nodded, “So, you’re developing a relationship with her that isn’t based on sex or favors.” 

I rubbed at the deep crease between my brows, “Yeah, I guess so. I suppose it’s probably the closest thing that I’ve had to an actual friendship in a long time…but I mean, it’s only been a week. So, I’m not even sure if I can call it that…but it does feel like more than just working together if that makes sense? We laugh, we joke, we vibe. I guess it does feel like we have some type of connection….and…I find myself wanting to…please her?” I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth, “NO! Not that. Umm, I guess…do a good job is what I mean. I don’t wanna let her down.” 

We stared at each other for a beat, Dr. Smith had a thoughtful look on face as she digested my words. “Dieter…this might be a good thing for you. I want you to work on being open with her. Develop the friendship between the two of you. I think it would be good practice for you, emotionally, to connect with someone in that way. It sounds like she’s willing to build a friendship with you and give you the benefit of the doubt. I know you’ve been seeking that…and it would be good for you to have a friend that’s supportive of your recovery. You don’t have a lot of that right now…and it’s important.”

This is a bad fucking idea. “Ok…yeah. I’ll try.” 

I left that therapy session feeling more on edge than I did before I had gone in. I was feeling a lot of conflict and confusion about my feelings toward Kat, which was ridiculous because I hadn’t known her for that long. Sure, I thought she was physically attractive and normally that alone would’ve been enough for me to pursue her for sex. Aside from the fact that she was taken, I actually didn’t want to ruin what we were potentially building for a quick roll in the sack. I wanted more. I enjoyed spending time with her, and she made me want to be better. I found myself wondering what it would be like to spend time with her outside of the dance studio - doing something as simple as getting lunch or stopping into a bookstore to find a book together that we could discuss after reading. I had never wanted something like that with someone. It was both scary and exciting. 

I soon found myself parking outside Television City Studios for our first production meeting. I now had a fluttering in my stomach that was almost foreign. As I sat rolling up the sleeves of my dress shirt, I decided it was nerves related to the impending live show in less than a week's time. The production meeting made it feel more real and imminent. 

Walking into the main entrance, I spotted Kat waiting in the lobby. Her eyes locked on me as I approached. She had an odd expression, her eyes seeming to roam over me before she met my gaze with a smirk on her face.

“What’s wrong, do I have too many buttons open or something?” I asked, jokingly.

She laughed nervously as she shook her head, “No. Your buttons are open just the right amount…That shade of blue looks really good on you.”   

I smiled as my face heated from the compliment. I leaned my head downward and swiped my thumb across my bottom lip before glancing back up at her. Is she blushing? She looks flushed. 

She cleared her throat, “Umm…before we get called in there, I wanted to warn you about Stacia and Joe. They like to…try and…”

I smirked, thinking back to my first interaction with them, “Create drama?” 

Kat huffed out a laugh, “Yeah…that. I have a feeling they’re gonna try and manipulate things with us and with Alec and Lana. It’s all about ratings with them.” 

I nodded, “I picked up on that during our first meeting. I figured. Don’t worry about it. I’m not gonna play into whatever it is they’re trying to do.” 

She had a sad smile on her face now, “Thank you. I appreciate that. At least two of us are on the same page.” 

Two? What does that mean? I opened my mouth to ask but was interrupted by a production assistant who was sent to lead us to the meeting space.

Once we entered the conference room, we were greeted with a smiling Stacia and Joe. Kat and I took our seats on the opposite side of the table from them, careful not to sit too closely together. I could tell they were studying us as soon as we walked through the door, looking for their angle. Stacia spoke first, “So, how is everything going with you two? Did you have a good first week of rehearsals?” 

Kat and I gave each other a knowing look before I responded. “It’s been going good. Kat is a great teacher…I seem to be picking things up quickly.”  

Stacia and Joe stared at me for a moment. Stacia’s brow arched slightly, like she was waiting for me to say more. When I didn’t, she finally smiled, “Well…that’s good to hear. We want to make sure you two are getting along ok.” 

Kat leaned forward and tilted her head slightly, “Is there a reason that we wouldn’t?” 

Stacia laughed and shifted nervously in her seat, “Of course not…just making conversation.” 

Well, that’s interesting. I had a feeling that Kat made Stacia uncomfortable, maybe even intimidated her some. Kat did seem to be giving off dominating vibes, which was fucking hot. Stacia cleared her throat as she pulled a couple sheets of paper out of a folder and slid them toward us. It appeared to be sketches for our costumes. They were both completely black. Kat’s gown was long and flowy with a very low back and front. 

“Your first performance will be the Foxtrot to the song Fever. You’ll be doing the behind the scenes filming on Friday this week. Do you have any objections to the costume sketches?” 

I glanced over at Kat, ready to agree with whatever she said since I wasn’t sure what she was comfortable with. 

Kat glanced down one last time, “I’m fine with them, Dieter?”   

I shrugged, “I’m good if she is.” 

We sat in an awkward silence for a beat, staring at each other. What the hell is this?

“Is there anything else?” Kat finally asked. 

Stacia nodded, “No. I guess not…unless you guys have anything to discuss?” 

Kat and I both shook our heads with confused expressions. 

Stacia eyed Kat, “Have you met Lana yet? I know she was excited to meet you.”

The energy around Kat shifted, her eyes darkened, and her jaw clenched at the question. Fuck. Please don’t react to that. “We did yesterday.” I said, speaking before I had time to think through my response. “She seemed very nice…Alec too. We had a lovely chat during the photoshoot.” I forced a smile and hoped it didn’t look fake. We need to get out of here. “Well, it was nice seeing you two again. We need to get to the dance studio to start working on our routine. I need all the practice I can get.”  

I looked over at Kat, who was giving me a grateful smile as she moved toward the door. We said our goodbyes as we exited the room, walking in silence until we reached the lobby. Kat turned to look at me, her brows furrowed as she chewed on her bottom lip.

“What the fuck was that?” I asked, completely confused by the interaction. 

“I dunno, it was bizarre. I guess they’re trying to figure out how to stir up drama between the four of us. I can guarantee it won’t be coming from either of us.”  

I arched my brows, “What do you mean?” 

She shook her head, not saying anything as she reached for her phone to check the time. “Our rehearsal space should be open soon. I’m gonna run home and grab my bag. I forgot it.”

I nodded, “Yeah…I’ll meet you there.”

That was an odd response from her. It made me wonder if something was going on with her and Alec. I could sense tension between them during the photoshoot but couldn’t exactly work out the cause of it. Whatever the reasoning, I felt like Stacia was aware of it and was actively trying to work it in her favor for ratings. That did make me sad for Kat because she didn’t deserve it.   

Kat moved to leave, but stopped, waving her phone as she turned to face me, “I guess we should probably exchange numbers…” 

“Oh, right. Of course.” I quickly typed my number into her phone. She followed up by shooting me a quick text with a waving emoji so I would have hers, then we said our goodbyes for now. 

I decided to grab an early lunch before heading to the dance studio. I briefly wondered if I should have asked Kat if she wanted anything. I was tempted to text her but didn’t want to start abusing my texting privileges already. She probably only wanted me to text if I was running late or something anyway. 

As I sat in the parking lot of the dance studio, eating my burrito, a hand smacked against the driver side window. It startled me, nearly causing me to drop my food. I hit the button to lower the glass and was met with Kat’s laughter as she moved to lean against my car. 

I sat smiling at her until her giggles finally subsided.

“Thanks for that. You were very close to cleaning the inside of my car.” 

She smiled, “I would have too, because it would’ve been my fault. I’m sorry. Totally worth it though.” 

I rolled my eyes at her, taking another bite. 

She leaned down, nearly sticking her head inside the car, “That looks good, where’s that from?”

“That Mexican place on Spring Street. I’ve got another, you want it? They’re fucking huge. No way I can eat it.”  Which was the truth. I wasn’t expecting them to be so big. She scrunched her nose, “What kind is it?” She’s too fucking adorable when she does that. 

I reached to pull the foil wrapped burrito out of the bag and held it up to her, “Cheesy steak and rice.”

She snatched it out of my hand, “If you insist. I’m never gonna turn down food.”

I laughed at her, “Good to know. Next time I’ll get your order.”

She moved to lean against the hood of my car as I got out with what was left of my burrito in one hand and my soda in the other. I leaned against the hood beside her and set my drink down between us as she started eating. A quiet moan escaped her lips causing little Bravo to involuntarily twitch in my pants. Fuck. That was hot.

“Ugh, this is so good. I’ve never been to that place. Clearly, I need to go.”

All I could muster in response was a nod. We ate in silence for a few minutes before she reached for my drink, tilting it forward and raising a brow at me as if to ask if it was ok. I nodded again and she took a quick sip before setting it back down. Once I finally got my thoughts in check, I was surprised by how at ease she seemed around me today.

Kat licked at the juices running down the side of her hand. I laughed at her and reached into the car to grab some napkins, handing them to her as she spoke, “Maybe we can start grabbing lunch on Tuesdays after our production meetings. We could get a head start discussing our routine since we have this odd break before our scheduled studio time.” 

“Yeah, I’m cool with that.” More than I should be. I was giddy at the thought of spending time with her outside of rehearsals. 

Her eyes narrowed on me as I finished up the last of my food, “So what does Dieter Bravo do in his free time?”    

I gave her a small smile as she stared at me with a soft gaze, “These days, not a whole lot. I moved into a beach house in Santa Monica about six months ago. I mostly just hole up there with my plants, music, and art supplies. I’ve pretty much had to change my whole life around since I got out of rehab.”

She had a sad smile on her lips now, nodding as she swallowed her latest bite. I had a feeling she knew what all that meant. “Plants and art supplies? So, you grow things and paint?” 

I laughed, “Yes…and I do mean houseplants. Don’t get any ideas.” 

She chuckled, “The thought didn’t even cross my mind.” She paused, rolling back the wrapping on her burrito, “It’s unexpected and cool, actually. I love art. I don’t have an artistic bone in my body, but I do love looking at other people’s work.” 

I raised a questioning eyebrow at her, “Dance is an art form…”

She rolled her eyes, “You know what I mean…painting, drawing…those kinds of things.”

I nodded, “Well, anyone can paint. So, don’t sell yourself short on that. You should give it a try. It’s a good stress reliever.” 

She shrugged, “What about the plants? Why plants?” 

I chuckled, “I don’t fucking know. That’s a fairly new obsession. I guess…I like learning about them. They all have different needs. There’s something about watching them grow and thrive from the care I’m putting into them. They also add a little extra something…makes the house homier.” I shook my head and laughed. Geez, I sound ridiculous. 

She smiled at me, “What’s wrong? Are you embarrassed by your love of plants?” 

I could feel my face heating up, “No…I mean, maybe. It’s a little weird, don’t ya think?”

She shook her head, “It’s surprising, but not weird. I kind of love it. It’s sweet.” 

Her eyes sparkled as she gave me an endearing smile, which caused knots to form in my stomach. She moved to take another drink from my soda, and I suddenly found her lips wrapping around the straw to be a little distracting. I had to force my line of sight elsewhere. 

She groaned as she stuck the last bit of the burrito in her mouth, “Ugh, I’m probably gonna regret that. Good thing we have some time to digest while we talk about our routine.” I laughed as I reached into the car to grab my bag so I could change once we got inside. 

After I got changed, Kat found our song and played it. We listened in silence while we did some basic stretches. After the song concluded, she sat quietly with her legs stretched out in front of her, thinking. She let out a controlled breath as she rubbed her hands down her face.  

“Ok, so…the foxtrot is probably one of the more difficult standard dances to learn. We haven’t gone over it yet. It requires a heel lead and gliding steps that should appear effortless and elegant. It’s a box step similar to the waltz, but the timing is different…it’s a mixture of slow steps that take up two beats and quick steps that take up one beat. It’s a slow, slow, quick, quick movement while maintaining a closed position with your partner. Let’s start with the basic steps, then we’ll start adding the flare to it.” 

I sat on the floor in front of her, listening intently, nodding along. She moved to stand, reaching out her hands to help pull me up to my feet. We spent a good amount of time working on the basic steps. She started with having me do the steps alone so she could watch my movements. It took a little longer than I would have liked to get the timing right, but I eventually caught on. Once I had it down, we assumed the closed position and began moving together. Initially her proximity was distracting, but I was able to move past it and focus on our movements. After we mastered the basics moving both forward and backwards, she added turning box steps to the mix.   

Now that I had the footwork down for the foxtrot, Kat wasted no time jumping in to craft a routine for us. I mostly watched her as she talked through ideas, occasionally stopping to work out the steps and movements on her own. She asked for input, but I didn’t feel confident enough to really have an opinion on any of it at this point. Overall, it was a light day as we worked through our plans. The afternoon flew by, and our rehearsal time was up before we knew it. 

As we were leaving, Kat warned me that we would be hitting things pretty hard for the rest of the week, so I needed to prepare myself. I laughed it off, but honestly, I was terrified. I was nervous about the increased physical contact with her. I had done well ignoring it so far, but I knew once we started getting into the routines, the contact was going to increase exponentially. It wasn’t just the fact that I found her to be incredibly attractive, but also because physical closeness was something that I never did with people that I didn’t have an active sexual relationship with. Even in those instances, it was about pleasure and nothing else. This was going to be weird for me and I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

When I got home that evening, I had a quick dinner then grabbed my tablet with the thought that I would look up some foxtrot videos on YouTube. I figured it might give me some ideas so I could have input on our routine since Kat insisted that she wanted me involved. I made my way out back to sit on a lounger next to the firepit - allowing the sounds of the ocean to lull me into relaxation before I went down my YouTube rabbit hole. 

I was honestly shocked at the range of routines I watched. Some were very serious and professional while others favored the more sensual side of the dance. I could feel my stomach fluttering at the thought of dancing like that with Kat. Sure, the idea was slightly arousing, but also imagining her looking at me the way these dancers were looking at each other caused my heart to skip a beat. It was a new kind of feeling that I couldn’t really find the words for. 

At some point, a video of Kat popped up from a previous season of the show. I watched it a couple of times, studying her face and the way she moved with her partner. It all felt very cold, like she was just going through the motions. She seemed focused on trying to get her partner through the routine rather than feeling the emotions of the dance. I eventually scrolled down to the ‘suggested videos’ section, finding a few of Kat and Alec from professional dance competitions that were several years old. In these, Kat was different. It was clear that she and Alec had chemistry on the dance floor. The way she moved her body was hypnotic and the way she looked at Alec was almost carnal. I couldn’t imagine her dancing like this with me. The thought of it made me dizzy and anxious. I wouldn’t be able to handle that level of emotion from her.  

Sighing, I set the tablet down on the ground beside me. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the lounger, trying to get that visual out of my mind. After a few minutes of contemplative silence, I sensed movement near my feet. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by the furry intruder that refused to leave my yard. He sat for a moment, staring at me as if to ask if he could approach me. When I didn’t react, he hopped up onto my lap and meowed loudly in my face. I sighed, finally giving in to his cuteness and scratched behind his ears. He wasted no time crawling up my chest to rub his head against my beard, “Alright little dude, don’t get too excited. This isn’t gonna be a thing.” 

I couldn’t help the laugh that slipped between my lips as he started purring. This fucking cat. My arms slid around his small frame and cuddled him closer. I realized he felt a little boney under all that fur. I sighed louder this time, “I fucking knew this was gonna happen. You finally got me dude…come on.” I sat him down on the ground, grabbed my tablet, and got up to walk toward the house. He followed behind me, swishing his tail. I walked through the sliding door into the kitchen in search of something for him to eat. I found a few packets of tuna in the pantry and grabbed one. When I turned around, I was met with two green eyes staring at me from the floor. I chuckled, “Please, do come in.” I grabbed a bowl and emptied the pouch into it. He waited patiently for me to set it down in front of him - immediately digging in once I did, making little growling noises as he ate. I guess I have a fucking cat now.   

Katarina’s POV As I drove home, I took the time to reflect on my day. Stacia almost got a rise out of me this morning. I couldn’t let her do that because it would only add fuel to the flames she was trying to create. It was clear to me now that she was hoping Lana would drive a wedge between Alec and me. My fear was that it was working. I could already tell he had been more distant since rehearsals started. It wasn’t unusual given our schedules, but he would usually send texts throughout the day. I hadn’t received one from him since yesterday. I could feel the hurt creeping in. However, there was also a part of me hoping he would fuck up again because it was all beginning to be too much. I wanted to give up and I wanted out. 

Then there was Dieter. It was obvious that he sensed my unease at the mention of Lana, and he jumped in to cover for me without hesitation. He was damn near believable in his response. He and I hadn’t discussed anything related to Alec and Lana in detail, but I felt like he knew there was more to it than I had shared. I had to appreciate that he didn’t try to pry for information while also acting as the supportive dance partner. 

I don’t know what it is about Dieter, but I feel comfortable with him. Even though most people would probably call me crazy for it, I actually trust him. The realization hit me this morning after the production meeting. As I drove toward the dance studio, I made a conscious decision to build a friendship with him because I felt like he really needed it. Maybe we both did. 

When I finally got home, I quickly ate some leftovers while I waited for the bathtub to fill up. I knew I needed to start taking extra steps to keep my body happy if I was going to make it through this season. I was doing ok so far - seeming to have no pain or inflammation present in my joints. I knew that could change at any time. Especially once we really got going in rehearsals. I was already dreading the Latin dances. I knew that the knee and hip pain would start quickly with those. The foot pain would come soon enough. The dance shoes always got that going, which was why I hadn’t worn any during rehearsals yet. I had planned to limit those as much as possible. After I finished eating, I took all my daily supplements that I had forgotten that morning, then got into the tub to relax. 

I found my thoughts drifting back to Dieter, remembering how the blue color of the dress shirt he had on this morning looked amazing against his skin. Then I remembered how my attention was drawn to his exposed forearms – to his tattoos peeking out and the way the muscles flexed as he moved his hands when he spoke. As the day went on, I began having a ridiculous urge to touch his hair. That started while we were outside the studio, leaning against his car. The soft waves were gently blowing in the breeze begging to have my fingers run through them. He was so effortlessly handsome and clearly lacked the confidence to go with it, which was surprising to me. 

Then my thoughts jumped to a shirtless Dieter from the day before. I suddenly felt that familiar throb between my thighs. Fucking hell, don’t go there Kat. I was tempted to let my mind continue down that path, but I knew it would be wrong. I couldn’t entertain those thoughts, no matter how good I thought he looked. Especially if I wanted to establish a legitimate friendship with him. I sighed and dunked myself under the water for a moment, hoping that would clear my head. It didn’t. I got out of the tub and went to bed frustrated. 

I awoke to the sound of pounding on the front door. Glancing at the clock, it was close to 1 AM. I sighed and got out of bed. As I got closer to the door, I could hear Alec drunkenly rambling to let him in. I was half tempted to leave his ass out there. When I opened the door, he stumbled inside, hugging me against him and almost pulling both of us to the floor.

I pushed him off me, “Alec…what the fuck?”   

He blew his beer laden breath across my face as he spoke in a slur, “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t wanna drive home. I was at the bar up the street with the guys…I can’t find my phone.” 

“You realize we have a group rehearsal in the morning, right?” 

He waved his hand at me like it was no big deal and stumbled off toward the bedroom, collapsing on the bed, fully dressed. This was a good reminder as to why we hadn’t moved in together yet. I huffed, moving to take his shoes and clothes off while he mumbled something about wanting to fuck before fully passing out. Once I got him situated, I crawled into bed and settled in for a night of restless sleep. 

Alec woke me before my alarm went off, kissing down my neck. I admittedly was still a little worked up from the night before, so I went with it. I briefly stopped him, reaching into the nightstand for a condom. He rolled his eyes in protest as I handed it to him, but I wasn’t taking any chances. He put the condom on before flipping me over, pulling my hips up to meet him, then pulling my shorts down so he could roughly take me from behind. He didn’t last long, and I got no satisfaction from it. When he was done, he got into the shower without a word. This dismissive behavior wasn’t out of the ordinary for him, but something felt different. I felt like he was staking his claim, reminding me that I belonged to him. I suddenly hated myself for allowing it to happen like that. It made me feel dirty somehow.  

After he was showered and dressed, he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and said he would see me at group rehearsals. I nodded, watching him as he walked out of the bedroom. He seemed off, but I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it was just a bad hangover and everything else was all in my head. 

Wednesdays were always the worst. Every week, the professional dancers did a group performance at the start of the show. I really wished they wouldn’t do these because it just added more to our plate. Luckily the first few weeks were not as bad since we still had so many cast members to take up airtime. The burden of the extra performances would increase as more groups were voted off. Eventually, the celebrities would be added to the group performances. I wasn’t looking forward to that as we progressed through the competition. Since it was the first week, this rehearsal went fast, and it was fairly easy. Alec struggled through it, clearly hung over from the night before, but I didn’t feel bad for him.

After five hours of rehearsals with the professional cast, I had to rush to grab a late lunch. I didn’t have much time before meeting with Dieter for our late afternoon rehearsal. When I arrived at the dance studio, Dieter was there waiting. He was laying on the floor, his head propped on his bag with a tablet sitting on his chest. His eyes met mine as he smiled up at me. 

“What are you doing?” I asked through a chuckle. 

He grabbed the tablet and quickly sat up, “I hope you don’t mind…but I pulled up some videos last night to get some ideas.” 

I don’t know why this surprised me. I figured he would leave most of the choreography to me. However, I loved that he was trying. He looked a little sheepish as he asked if he could show me a couple of things. I smiled and nodded as I sat on the floor beside him, mirroring the way he was sitting, with my legs stretched out in front of me. He gave me a shy smile as he turned on his tablet, “Don’t laugh, but I made a playlist and saved them.” I didn’t laugh, but I couldn’t help smiling at him. I watched as he opened the YouTube app to the ‘home’ tab. He quickly tapped on the ‘foxtrot’ playlist, but not before I saw my name in the title of a video under the ‘watch history’ section. I could feel my heart rate pickup as he glanced over at me, fighting a shy smile. 

“Yeah, I saw that…you watching videos of me, Bravo?” I asked with a teasing tone.

He shrugged, still trying not to smile as his cheeks flushed, “I watched a lot of videos from previous seasons. You may have been in one or two of them.” 

“Mmmhmm. Right.” 

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, “Anyway…I was thinking what we have so far feels almost mechanical…if that makes sense?” He’s not wrong. Dieter glanced at me; his dark eyes rounded as he took in my expression. I think he was worried it would upset me. 

I pursed my lips, “I don’t disagree with that. Thank you for pointing it out.”

His shoulders relaxed, “Ok, good. I was afraid that would piss you off.” 

I rolled my eyes, “It takes a lot more than that to piss me off. I always want you to be open about what you’re feeling. Besides, I didn’t think it felt right either. So…what are you thinking?” 

He inhaled deeply before launching into his thoughts, “Well, I think we need to add some emotion to it to start…nothing too crazy…I’ve saved a few videos. I think if we can find a good balance in the emotion and feel of all these dances it would be perfect. I don’t mind doing a little acting with it.”  

He had picked some very good examples. The first few videos showed professional choreography infused with different dance styles. The last few included a lot of acting and storytelling with the dancers' movements and were more toward the sensual side of things. During the last few videos, I could see the tension in his face. He was worried it would bother me. It didn’t of course since this was what dancing was about. I, however, was concerned about what that meant for me emotionally. It was going to require a lot of trust and a deeper connection that I usually didn’t have with my dance partners on the show. There was also the tiny issue of me finding Dieter Bravo to be incredibly attractive. 

Once the last video ended, I glanced up at him. “You're ok with doing that kind of stuff?”  

His eyebrows shot up, “I mean, maybe not that intense. Those...are a lot… but I’m comfortable with whatever you're comfortable with.”  

I nodded, surprised of his willingness to try something different. “You know…our song has sort of a jazzy sound. Maybe we can infuse some jazz elements into it?”

Dieter’s eyes lit up at that suggestion, “I’m actually digging that idea.”

“Ok…well, this dance isn’t gonna figure itself out. Let’s get going.” I stood, “We need to make sure we stretch more going forward because it’s about to get a lot harder on our bodies. You’re probably about to hate me.” 

He looked worried as I told him to lay back flat on the floor and moved to help him with some leg stretches - leaning against him to push back on his leg first with it straight in the air then against his knee to push it into his chest. He whined and groaned through it the entire time. After completing the same steps with his other leg, I had him sit up and put his feet flat together in front of him in a butterfly pose. I took the same position in front of him, keeping his legs in place with my knees and pulled him forward by his hands. He again began whining through it. I had to appreciate that he didn’t make it awkward like most people did, but it was near impossible not to laugh at his dramatic behavior. We went through several more partner stretches, both of us trying to keep it together as his dramatics increased with each new stretch. 

By the time we were done with the stretches, Dieter was already breaking out in a sweat. He gave me the stink eye and huffed as he got up off the floor, “I’m fairly certain that could be classified as some form of torture.”  

I laughed, “Stop being a drama queen. We’ve gotta keep those hips loose or you won’t make it through the Latin dances.” 

He raised an eyebrow at me, “I have loose hips?” 

I chuckled, “Surprisingly, yes.”

He smirked, “I take it that’s a good thing?” 

I nodded, smiling back at him, “It’s good for a lot of things.” I did not just say that.

“For dancing…it’s good for a lot of different dance moves. There’s umm…a lot of hip thrusting…in Latin dances, is what I mean.” Fucking hell, Kat. Shut up. 

The longer I rambled, the bigger his smile got. I could feel the heat creeping up my neck and into my cheeks. “I’m just gonna stop there. That came out so wrong.”  

Dieter laughed, “It’s kind of cute when you're flustered.” 

I put my hands on my hips and blew a strand of hair out of my face, “Just…shut up.” He snorted, shaking his head at me as I moved to stand in the center of the room. “Alright, let’s focus and get this figured out.” 

He made his way over to me, still trying to hold in his chuckles while I ignored him and moved to stand in position. I tilted my head and arched my brows. I now had my serious face on, needing to move past that minor embarrassment. “Let’s go through what we have so far. Ok?”   

From that point on, the both of us were all business. Dieter was laser focused and I found that we collaborated well together. As the minutes ticked on, he seemed to be more comfortable expressing his thoughts about the routine, however, I could tell he was still holding back when it came to physical closeness. He would hesitate anytime he had to touch anywhere outside of my arms or waist.  

“Dieter, I really need for you to get over this physical contact phobia, ok? I’m telling you now, it’s ok to touch me while we’re dancing.” 

He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a controlled breath, “I know, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll do better. I’m just trying to be respectful, and this kind of goes against all that.” 

I placed both of my hands on his cheeks and squished them together causing his plump lips to pucker slightly. His eyes popped open and focused on me in shock, “I promise, I’ll give you a warning before I throat punch you if I feel like you're being inappropriate…k.”  

I patted the side of his face with my right hand, then pulled away. His eyes rounded as he stared at me, unblinking, “Is that supposed to be comforting? Because it isn’t.” 

A small chuckle bubbled out as I took in his expression. His puppy eyes were in full effect. I both hated and loved when he looked at me like that. It made me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling. 

I smirked, “I’m joking, I won’t throat punch you, but I will smack you if I think it’s necessary.” 

His brow furrowed as he shook his head, snorting out a small laugh, “Oh… okay. That’s sooo much better.” 

Rolling my eyes at him, I moved to our starting position. 

“Alright, stop your whining. Let’s take it from the top with what we have so far.” 

Dieter nodded and stepped closer, setting his frame, and taking hold of me. He was still too far away. I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes on him, sighing as I stepped even closer to his front so that we were in a proper closed position. He gave me a tight smile before looking off to the left. I began counting our steps as we moved around the room in perfect synchronization until Dieter’s timing faltered. We kept going, but I could feel his posture changing. I glanced over at him and realized his jaw was tense. 

“Is something wrong?” I asked without stopping. 

He kept going, not looking in my direction as he said, “It appears we have an audience.” 

During a reverse turn, I glanced toward the hallway windows - instantly finding the cause of his disturbance. Alec was watching us. His piercing gaze made me feel uneasy. What is his fucking problem? 

“Just keep going and ignore him. You’re not doing anything wrong…box turn, then promenade.” 

Dieter inhaled deeply following through on those instructions before moving to lead me into an inside turn. As we reached the end of the choreography that we had so far, I glanced toward the windows. Alec was gone. 

My eyes met Dieter’s, “Let’s take a water break.”

He nodded before pulling the hem of his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his forehead. I couldn’t help the way my eyes raked over his exposed skin. I had to force myself to turn away from him as I drank from my water bottle. 

“Alec doesn’t like me, does he?” Dieter asked from behind me before taking a drink of his own water.

I casually turned to him, “He’s concerned about your womanizing ways. I guess he’s worried you're gonna steal me away from him or something.”  

Dieter smirked, “I mean, I would never do anything you didn’t want me to…”

My brows arched in surprise at his words. I absolutely can’t handle him saying shit like that to me. I could already feel the effects of his words and that devilish smirk pulsing between my thighs. 

Dieter was quick to add, “That did not come out the way I meant it…” He shook his head and laughed nervously as he raked his hair back out of his face, “I just mean…I respect you too much to do anything like that. Your friendship is important to me. I don’t wanna ruin it by being a dick…and I’m not that guy anymore. Besides, he should trust you. You’ve been nothing but professional.” 

Friendship...I actually kind of hate that word. A crease formed between my brows as I looked down at the floor, “Yeah, well…you can’t tell him that apparently. Just don’t pay any attention to him. He’s being ridiculous over nothing. I’ll tell him to knock it off.” 

“Hey.” He was standing directly in front of me now as I looked up to meet his gaze. His obsidian eyes were burning into mine, nearly taking my breath away. “If I’m doing something to make things harder on you, please tell me. I can tell this is causing tension between you two.”  

I gave him a weak smile, “The fact that you even exist is enough to bother him. You’re not doing anything, so don’t stress about it.” 

His lips were set in a tight line as he studied my face, taking in my words. He didn’t look convinced, but he nodded and dropped the subject. We continued with building our routine for the next hour. Then our studio time was up for the day. 

By the time Friday rolled around, we pretty much had our routine planned out. It was a ‘behind the scenes’ filming day, so we had to put up with the camera crew being in our space as we ran through the full routine to the music for the first time. We also had to periodically stop to film their interview questions. The questions were beyond frustrating - mostly focusing on our chemistry and how well we worked together. It was clear they were trying to drive a certain narrative and were not getting what they wanted from us. I could tell Dieter had picked up on it too based on the looks he was shooting my way. It felt like such a waste of our time. Once we got rid of the film crew, we managed to complete a few run-throughs with the music without error. We were both feeling pretty good about it. However, Dieter admitted that his nerves were starting to flare up as we got closer to show day. He looked vulnerable at that moment, and I just wanted to pull him into a hug. Instead, I settled for a quick squeeze of the hand and told him everything would be ok because we would get through it together. That seemed to calm him some. 

Dieter’s POV This week had gone by in a blur. I attributed it to enjoying the time that I was spending with Kat. She and I were working so well together. I couldn’t recall ever having such a positive or productive experience with someone in a work setting. We were both clearly more comfortable around each other now. She was quick witted with her banter and often kept me on my toes with her jokes. I loved that we had a similar sense of humor. During the more serious moments, we worked together with such intense focus that it was almost like we shared a single brain - often on the same wavelength and anticipating what the other was saying before they said it. She was very receptive to any suggestions I had and often praised me for my involvement with crafting the routine, which only made me want to do more. There was nothing more satisfying than seeing her face light up when she liked one of my suggestions.   

As the week progressed and the dancing got more intense, Kat was going heavy on stretches to start the day. While it was torture, the partner stretches were quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do. I made sure to bust out the dramatics just to make her laugh. God, I loved hearing her laugh. I also didn’t mind the close proximity that some of the stretches put us in. When she made the comment about me having “loose hips” being good for a lot of things I was a little stunned. Her descent into embarrassment afterward was so fucking adorable. It was hard not to wonder if she had thought about me like that. Was it a Freudian slip? This was a thought that kept creeping in when I would least expect it and caused me to think all sorts of inappropriate things. Especially when she would give me that look that was somewhere between teasing and flirting that made my dick twitch. The logical part of my brain kept reminding me of that big shiny rock on her finger. The wishful side hoped that she did indeed feel something for me. 

The feelings that I was having were very complicated and I wasn’t sure how to navigate them. Alec was adding a whole other layer to things with his possessiveness over Kat. The guy honestly worried me a little bit, so I was determined to be on my best behavior when it came to her no matter what my emotions said. I didn’t want to give him any reason to do something stupid, because my gut told me he was that type that would.   

Sunday was our last rehearsal for the week in the dance studio. We spent our hours fine tuning things with the music the best we could without hearing the live band’s version of the song. Kat warned me that we may have to make last minute adjustments during the dress rehearsal, which was stressing me out a little. It just gave more room for me to fuck something up once we got the live show. Kat seemed surprisingly calm about the whole thing. Then again, she had been doing this for years. Her confidence in me did help alleviate some of the anxiety I was starting to feel, but not all of it.

After rehearsals, we made our way to Television City Studios. It was spray tan day for the entire cast. This was one of the things that I was not looking forward to. Upon arrival, I made my way to my dressing room to get undressed down to my boxer briefs and threw on the robe that was provided. I followed the robe clad group toward a big open room where everyone waited their turn. I quickly found Kat scrolling through her phone in the far corner, away from the crowd. I went to wait with her since I hadn’t really met any of the other cast members yet. We stood chatting as Alec and Lana slowly walked down the hallway; eyes fixed on each other as they shared a smile. Lana reached out to hook her arm with his, but once he noticed Kat, he pulled away from her and walked toward us. Yeah asshole, I see you.  

Alec was quick to wrap himself around Kat, putting his body between us as he did so. Alright man, I get it. You think you own her. He attempted to make small talk but was coming off as an arrogant asshole as he bragged about how great of a dance teacher he was. Kat honestly looked embarrassed by him. As I stood listening, a production assistant walked by. I took the opportunity to interrupt Alec to ask the PA what sort of spray tan they were using. The PA gave me a look of annoyance, “What does it matter?” she asked with a rude tone. Damn, who pissed in your cheerios this morning. 

“It matters because I don’t want a bunch of chemicals sprayed on me. That shit can cause a disruption in cellular metabolic processes…it can be carcinogenic. Is it all natural?” I had a slight irritation to my tone.

Her brow furrowed, “You’re worried about a spray tan when you used to do coke, LSD, and who knows what else? Is this a joke?” My eyes widened at her response. Ok. That’s probably a fair question. 

I sensed Kat was about to say something, but Alec stopped her. I gave the PA a sarcastic smile, “Well, I’ve gotta live a clean life now to make up for all that damage I did. Humor me, please.”

The PA rolled her eyes, “Yes, we use an all-natural certified organic spray tan solution. So, you're safe from the carcinogens.” She said that last bit with a snippy tone. I should be used to being talked to like this by now, but it still pissed me off. 

“Thank you, that’s all you had to say.”  

I heard Alec laugh as he turned his back toward me to talk to Kat, effectively dismissing me from the conversation. I could tell Kat wanted to say something to me, but he was blocking her from doing so as he asked her if she was free tonight. 

Another PA with a clipboard approached me at that point to let me know it was my turn. I gave Kat a tight smile as I was led into the large room that was set up with individual pop-up privacy tents for cast members to step into to remove their robes and get sprayed. 

Once I was finished, I went directly to my dressing room. My good mood had been soured by the PA’s comment and Alec being a jackass. I sat down in the chair in front of the vanity wondering what Alec and Kat’s relationship was actually like on a good day. I didn’t get good vibes from the guy. I really hoped that he treated her ok. She deserved that.   

I was drawn from my thoughts by a knock on the door, “Come in.” 

Kat came through the door, looking behind her as she entered. I assumed to check if anyone was around to see her enter my dressing room. When she finally turned to face me, she paused, taking in my state of undress with wide eyes. I was still wearing the robe and boxer briefs. I now realized the robe was no longer closed, “Oh shit…sorry,” I mumbled as I stood from the chair and tied it shut. I didn’t care if she saw me like this, I was used to it, but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. 

She let out a breathy laugh, “No, you're fine. I just wasn’t expecting…that.” 

I chuckled, “Sorry, I’m used to being in various stages of undress on set…I don’t even think about it anymore. I’ll try to keep my clothes on around you.” 

Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip to hold back a smile as she continued to stare at me for a beat, eventually clearing her throat to speak, “Umm…I-I just wanted to come check on you. That PA was kind of an asshole.”  

I waved my hand, “Don’t even worry about it. I’m not.” I’m more bothered by Alec. 

She nodded, “Ok, good…yeah, don’t let that get to you. It’s not worth it.” She shifted her weight and stuck her hands in her back pockets, “How are you feeling about tomorrow?” 

Moving to lean against the vanity, I huffed out a small laugh and scratched at the back of my neck as I stared at the ugly gray stained carpet, “Honestly, I’m nervous as fuck…but…I know you won’t let me mess up too badly.”  You make everything ok. 

My eyes flicked up to meet hers. We stared at each other in silence for a moment. I felt like there was a weird electricity in the air between us. I really wanted to reach out and touch her, to hug her, but I knew that wasn’t a good idea. 

Her lips finally broke into a small smile, “Don’t worry Bravo, I’ve got you. I think you’ll do just fine. You’re better than you think.” 

She turned on her heel to move toward the door, “Well, I’m gonna head home…try and relax and get some rest. We have an early start and it’s gonna be a long day.” 

“You mean you’re not going out with Alec?” I blurted out the question without thinking, like it was any of my damn business what they were doing.  

Kat shook her head, “No, he wanted to go out with some other castmates. I’m not about that kind of lifestyle these days. I have to rest…and he knows that.” 

It made me happier than it should have to know she wouldn’t be spending the evening with Alec. I knew that I shouldn’t be having those kinds of thoughts, they were engaged for fucks sake. They were going to spend time together whether I wanted them to or not. I really needed to get my thoughts under control before this became an issue. 

I pursed my lips, nodding as I forced a smile, “I’ll see you in the morning then. Have a good evening.”

She seemed reluctant as she nodded and reached for the doorknob, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

A short time after I got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Kat had gone out of her way to come check on me. Most people wouldn’t bother to do that these days, not that I blamed them. I didn’t deserve anyone’s concern after the way I treated people when I was deep in my addiction. I had to make sure I didn’t fuck this up with her. I sank down into the sofa as I unlocked my phone and pulled up Kat’s number. I started typing a text message and hit send before I could second guess myself. 

Dieter: Thank you for checking in with me. I should have said that earlier. I appreciate it more than you know. I don’t have a lot of people in my life that would do that right now.

I watched as the message status changed to ‘read’. The bubbles started bouncing, telling me that she was typing something, then stopped. That happened a few more times before her response came through. 

Kat: You don’t have to thank me for that. I’ll always check in with you. That’s what friends are for.  

Seeing the word “friend” was sort of a punch in the gut, but I needed that. It helped get my head back where it should be. However, that word also meant that she viewed me as more than just a castmate, which was somewhat comforting. At least I could have a friendship with her. It was more than I had with anyone else at the moment. I decided to push all those thoughts aside and head to bed early before I lost my focus.

My alarm went off at 6 AM the following morning. After a quick shower, I threw on some gym clothes and headed to the local coffee shop. I wasn’t about to try and sustain myself with whatever it was that Craft Services was handing out. I picked up a cup for Kat too, since I now knew how she liked it. I pulled into Television City Studios parking with minutes to spare before we had to be in the ballroom to meet with the band, lighting team, and the cinematographer. We had to make sure the music was right, discuss the lighting scheme, and determine camera blocking for our performance.

As I walked in, I spotted Kat already chatting with the music director and walked over to greet her, handing her coffee over as I stood at her side. They were discussing the tempo of our song to make sure the band hit the mark with it since it had so many variations. As Kat talked, she looped her hand through my arm and gave it a squeeze. I assumed she could sense my anxiety and it did help alleviate it some. As we went through the details, I noticed other cast members starting to file in and sit around the dance floor.  

Once Kat was done going over everything with the band and lighting, Alec came over to offer her some coffee. She gave him a tight smile as she held up her cup, “I’m good, but thanks.” 

His brow furrowed, “Alright, maybe Lana will want it then.” What a fucking dick. 

I felt like he was purposely trying to throw her off her game with that comment. She watched him with narrowed eyes as he walked off toward a small crowd of cast members. I could see her jaw muscles flex before her eyes met mine, “Alright, we’re gonna do a quick run through with the band. There are 18 cameras, so they’ll work on adjusting those as we go through it. If we need to make changes, they’ll let us know. We’ll come back later for the dress rehearsal and run through it a few more times with everything in place.” 

I took a deep breath and nodded. She leaned in to meet my gaze with a small smile, “Hey, we’ve got this. Don’t worry.” 

She reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to our starting mark. As the band began playing, I was already thrown off by how different the music sounded from the track that was provided to us. I think Kat could sense it as she quietly called out some verbal cues at the start. Once we got going, I was on track and made it through the routine with only a few small errors. 

Luckily, there were no last-minute suggested changes to the routine. I’m not sure if I would have retained it if there had been. We had another quick discussion with the producers about the lighting before they cleared us for hair and makeup.  

I suddenly felt like all eyes were on us as we exited the ballroom. It was a little unnerving. Kat leaned in, “Ignore them, they’re just sizing up their competition. There are pros and cons to going first.” 

I chuckled nervously, “And what exactly is a pro for going first?” 

“We don’t have to deal with a frustrated production team. Trust me, they turn into assholes real fast dealing with this bunch.” 

I laughed, “Yeah, that makes sense. How do they decide the order?” 

She smiled, “Well, I got here first this morning…”

I nodded, “So that should be our goal then? Get here first. Got it.” 

The rest of the morning was a blur. Kat and I spent hours in hair and makeup getting poked and prodded at. Luckily this time, we were seated next to each other so we could at least chat through it - mostly focusing on our routine. Once that was finally finished, we headed back to our individual dressing rooms where our costumes were waiting for us. After getting changed, we met back up outside the ballroom to go in for dress rehearsals. Kat looked amazing of course, but I did prefer her more natural look. They had slathered so much makeup and hair gel on the both of us we looked like completely different people. She joked that it was going to take multiple washings to get all the gel out of our hair. I was already not looking forward to going through that process. 

As we walked toward the dance floor for our first run through in costume, I couldn’t help but notice the amount of exposed skin Kat’s gown was showing. I realized for the first time that my hands would be on her bare skin while we were dancing. It was both thrilling and anxiety inducing. I had to quickly shove that thought aside because it threatened to completely derail my focus.

We went through our routine several more times. By the last run through with the music, cameras, and lighting in place, I was feeling more confident about everything. Kat took a minute to give me a small pep talk before she had to run off to change costumes for the group rehearsal. I had to give her credit; she had been very patient with me. She made sure to take time to explain each step of the process to help ease my anxiety. She had been very positive and encouraging as we worked through it all.  

I sat and watched the group rehearsal while I waited for my final fitting time slot with the wardrobe department. The performance was some sort of Latin style dance. Kat did amazingly well. I couldn’t take my eyes off her rhythmic hip movements as she whirled around the floor in time to the beat. I had to chastise myself for looking at her in that way, but it was hard not to. She was electric and commanded the attention of the room above everyone else. 

Stacia stood nearby, watching the performance, just as she had been for all of them so far. However, I was now noticing her occasional glances in my direction. As she was moving toward the other end of the dance floor, she stopped in front of me, “Kat is on fire today. I’m not sure I’ve seen her do this well in a while. I take it that things are going well with the two of you?”

I felt the crease form between my brows as confusion etched my face. What is she actually asking me? “Yeah, I mean…we work well together. She’s a good teacher.”

Stacia narrowed her eyes slightly at my response, then smirked, “Right, you’ve said that.” Fuck. Did I just tip her off on something? I felt like she could see through me as she turned and walked away. Surely, she didn’t think something was going on between Kat and me? I sighed and turned my attention back to the group performance, hoping I didn’t just have a serious fuck up.     

As I watched the third run through for the group, I realized something. Kat had been partnered to dance with Alec, which wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was the vibe between the two of them. It seemed different from the videos that I had watched of their competitions. Her face was expressionless. There was no longer a fiery look behind her eyes as they moved together - almost like there was no connection between them. Maybe she was just focused on getting the choreography correct. They hadn’t practiced the group routine that much after all. That had to be it, right? I couldn’t allow myself to think that it was any other reason. 

After their last run through, Kat walked off the dancefloor, directly over to me to get her water bottle. After taking a long drink, she turned to me, “We need to get to wardrobe for our final fittings. They’ll have our heads if we’re late.”   

I followed behind Kat toward the wardrobe department. She had to pop into her dressing room to grab her other costume on the way. They took us to the back as soon as we walked in. The tailor that we had worked with before, Amy, gave Kat a once over. They both seemed satisfied with her first costume, so Kat went to the changing room to switch to the black gown she would be wearing for our performance. While Kat was changing, Amy turned her attention to me, “Well, your buttons don’t seem to be hanging on for dear life this time, so I think we should be good. Do the pants feel ok? Not too tight?” 

I shook my head, “No everything feels like it fits perfectly. Thank you for making the size adjustments.” Amy seemed proud of herself as she gave me one last look over. Kat returned in her gown minutes later.

“Does everything feel ok on this one Kat?” Amy asked as she stood back to look over the fit of the gown.  

“Yeah, it fits like a glove. Perfect as always. I do have a request though…would it be possible to get a lower heel for both costumes?”

Amy’s brow furrowed, “You know production won’t be happy if you have different shoes for the group performance. Do you not wanna wear regulation heel height?”

Kat sighed, “Fine, I’ll keep the ones for group, but I would like lower ones to go with the gown. If we can try to keep them lower for the rest of the season as much as possible that would be great.”

Amy gave her a sympathetic look, “Are you having foot pain already?”

Kat huffed out a laugh, “No... not yet, but I’m trying really hard to avoid it as much as I can.” 

Amy nodded before disappearing to the back. 

I knew Kat could see the confusion on my face when she glanced up at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t understand what they were talking about. “Everything ok?”  

She gave me a tight smile, “Did you know that for every inch added to heels, the weight on the pad of your foot increases by 25%. Regulation heel height for ballroom is two and a half inches…for Latin it's three. Heels change your gait and the way you move. I have arthritis in my feet, knees, and hips. The heels and Latin dances really do a number on me because I’m too fucking old to be doing this. So, I’m trying to be proactive before it gets too bad to dance.”   

Suddenly everything made sense. My mouth fell open in shock. Fuck. I had no idea. “That’s why this is your last season?” 

She nodded, “Yep. I’m retiring from competitive dancing.” 

I could tell this wasn’t an easy decision. I could see how much she loved dancing. My heart was aching for her. That would be like me giving up acting. Just the thought of doing that freaked me the fuck out. 

I gave her a devilish smile, “Well, that settles it then. We’re gonna win this fucking competition. You’re going out on top.”

She laughed, grabbing my hand to pull me in for a quick side hug, “Thank you…for trusting me to be your partner.” 

I pulled her in closer for a tight hug, realizing she had multiple meanings behind her words. I could feel my chest tighten as I worked to steady my emotions. It seemed that both of us had demons to battle. As we pulled away, Amy appeared from the back with a different pair of shoes for Kat, “Best I can do is a one and a half inch. We don’t have a lot of lower heels on hand.” 

Kat took the shoes from her, “That’s perfect, I’ll take them. Thank you.”  

After we finished with Amy, we stopped in hair and makeup for quick touch ups. While we were getting touched up, I could tell Kat was starting to get nervous, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly as she looked up at the clock on the wall.

I glanced her way, “You good?” 

She chuckled, “Yeah, I always get a little pre-show jitters. It’ll pass. It’s 3:40…They’ll be bringing the audience in now. It’s almost time.” 

I pursed my lips then laughed, “You can’t be nervous. It’s gonna make me nervous.” 

She reached her hand across the space between the chairs, I grabbed it in mine so she could give it a comforting squeeze as she looked at me intently, speaking in a low voice, “You have no reason to be nervous. You’ve got this. After seeing some of the rehearsals, I honestly think you're one of the best on the cast this season. At least in the top three.”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled, “Yeah, whatever. You’re just lubing me up.”

She gave me a toothy grin and laughed, “No, I’m serious.” 

Alec and Lana’s reflection caught my attention in the mirror as they walked into the room. I dropped Kat’s hand and gave her a small smile. Alec approached us from behind, walking around Kat’s chair to lean down and give her a quick kiss, “You look beautiful, baby. Good luck out there. Your dress rehearsal looked great.”

Kat’s brows arched as she chewed on the inside of her cheek, “Thank you. You too.” She gave him a small smile, but it looked forced. Alec moved to sit at the empty station beside Lana, but I could tell he was watching us through the mirror. Kat didn’t say much after that, not until we were finished and walking toward the dressing rooms so she could change back into her group performance costume. 

I waited for her in the hallway - going through the routine in my head as I stood there. It was only a few minutes before Kat joined me with her phone and wired earbuds in hand. As she walked over to me, I noticed she was looking down the hallway with an annoyed expression, I laughed quietly, “What’s wrong?”  

“Anika is looking at you like you’re a fresh piece of meat.” 

“Oh?” I turned in the direction Kat had been looking. Sure enough, there was a short blonde giving me a flirty smile. I gave her something between a grimace and smile back as I turned toward Kat, “Yeah, sorry about her luck. That’s not happening.” 

Kat laughed, “Why? Not your type?”

I shook my head, “No, not anymore. I don’t date party girls. Actually, I’m taking a hiatus from dating at the moment. They recommended that in rehab. At least until I’m sure I have my shit together.”  

Kat arched a brow in my direction, “So you haven’t…dated…anyone since you went to rehab…eight months ago?

I scratched at the back of my neck nervously, “Since before that. It’s been like eleven months since I hooked up with anyone.” 

She was now raising both eyebrows at me, “Hooked up?” 

I grimaced, “Yeah, I didn’t really do the whole relationship thing before. I was kind of a mess and an asshole.”

She chuckled, “I’m sure you broke a lot of hearts.”

I sucked air in through my teeth, “Ehhh…Doubtful. Most of them were just as fucked up as me. They were usually trying to get something outta me…money, fame…the list goes on. It’s part of the reason I have a hard time trusting people.”  

Kat was giving me an intense look now. It was that look that made my stomach do flips and my heart race in my ears. I could feel the electricity crackling between us again. 

“But you trust me?” More than anyone. 

I waited a beat to answer as my eyes roamed over her face, “Yeah...I do.” 

Joe and Stacia chose that moment to walk by, yelling out a 20-minute warning to start time. Stacia gave us a wide smile as they continued past us. I looked back at Kat, now realizing how closely we were standing. I backed away slightly as we gave each other an awkward smile. 

“We should probably head to the staging area.” I nodded and followed closely behind her. 

Before I knew it, the show was starting. I stood in the staging area, watching the group performance. Kat of course did the routine to perfection. Once they were finished, she had to run off to change. Luckily our performance was toward the end of the show, so she didn’t have to rush. I sat watching the show until she reappeared at my side, smiling and breathless. I gave her a lopsided grin, “You did amazing.” Her cheeks flushed at the compliment before she murmured a quiet “Thank you.” 

She busied herself with untangling her corded earbuds. As I watched her, I had to appreciate that she didn’t use the wireless kind. Once she had them untangled, she handed one of them to me. I gave her a confused look, “I like to listen to music to get hyped up before performances. It helps with the nerves.” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. This was something I often did while filming to get into character. 

I stuck the bud in my ear just as the familiar opening beats of Lose Yourself started playing. I glanced up at her, “Eminem…really?”   

She gave me a toothy grin, nodding before she started bobbing her head to the music. I laughed, following her lead. She grabbed my hands, shaking my arms and forcing me to move in time with her to the beat as she started quietly mouthing the words. If her goal was to distract me, it was working. By the time the song ended, it was nearly our turn. We stood bouncing on our feet to keep the energy going until it was time for us to walk out onto the dance floor and take our places. 

I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears as we waited for the music to start - both of us breathing heavily in anticipation. The electricity between Kat and I only seemed amplified by the audience's excitement as we walked down the small set of steps to the opening notes, arm in arm. The moment I took her hand for the inside turn, something just clicked between us as we moved in perfect synchronization across the dance floor. Our connection felt differently than it had during rehearsals. The heat of her bare skin caused my fingertips to tingle as they slid down her back and sides. I could sense that Kat felt it too because her eyes were blazing from the energy passing between us. It was almost like we were moving as one. I found the intensity of the moment was strangely intoxicating.

I was in a daze as the performance came to an end. Kat quickly pulled me in for a hug as she jumped up and down while the crowd applauded loudly around us. The performance went by so quickly I didn’t even have time to think. It was more muscle memory than anything. All I could do was let out the breath I had been holding and smile down at her as we walked over to speak with the judges. 

The judges mostly gave compliments, noting that we had pulled off the elegance of the dance, making it seem effortless and magnetizing. One of them even commented on the electricity and connection between us. I guess I wasn’t the only one that felt it. The feedback they gave was that I needed to make sure I was holding my frame all the way through the performance. That didn’t surprise me as Kat was constantly calling me out me on it. Holding the frame absolutely wore my back out, so it was a struggle.

After getting the judges feedback, we moved over to the interview area to answer a few questions about our performance while we waited for the scores to be chosen and verified. Kat grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly as I rambled on about the challenges I had during rehearsal. As I finished answering the question, the host went back to the judges for scoring. They gave us three 8’s and one 7. It was the highest anyone had scored so far. I was in shock as Kat pulled me in for another hug.  

Once we were back in the staging area, I burst out laughing. I couldn’t believe it. Once I finally got it together, I glanced at Kat who was smiling at me. Her eyes were still bright with emotion as I grabbed her, pulling her in for another tight hug, “I cannot believe we just did that…you were so fucking amazing.”

She pulled away, still smiling, “You were too. I told you, you’re good at this. If we keep that up, I think we have a real chance of making it to finals.”    

I nodded, suddenly feeling much more confident about this whole thing. 

We stayed around to see how the last few performances went, letting the adrenaline burn off as we critiqued the competition. There were only two other couples who had scores near ours. Anika and her partner were a few points below us. Alec and Lana were tied with us. I could feel Kat tensing beside me as the judges read off Alec and Lana’s scores. I knew she had to be considering how those two being our biggest competition could affect things going forward. It would undoubtedly create even more tension between her and Alec. There was also the narrative of the show to consider. Kat and I both knew the executive producers would somehow use this to their advantage.  

Next: Week 3

A/N: Whew, we have soooooo much to unpack for this chapter. We had lots of bonding and some mild flirting with Dieter & Kat. You know I want to hear all your thoughts and thots about these two.

We had more shenanigans from Stacia and Joe. What do you think they are up to? Now we have Anika throwing some attention Dieter’s way. Then there is the Alec & Lana nonsense going on…and just Alec’s nonsense in general.

Also…Dieter is totally not being honest with his therapist AND he has a fucking cat now. 🤭

Of course they nailed their first performance. They are going to be a force to be reckoned with. Speaking of their performance, I’ve been watching A LOT of DWTS episodes and videos as I write this fic. So, for each week I’m going to share one or two videos that inspired Dieter & Kat’s performance for the chapter. This chapter’s inspiration is linked below. The first video is more of what I envisioned for their first dance. The second is a sexier foxtrot that would have had Dieter’s head spinning, but he’s totally down for it. Don’t worry, they will get there eventually.

✨More good stuff below the videos.✨

👉In case you missed it, head on over HERE to check out this amazing video that @survivingandenduring was kind enough to put together for Closed Position. It's hot and has all the Dieter & Kat ✨vibes✨. I’m still screaming over it!

👉I have started working on a playlist for Closed Position. I will be adding to it as inspiration strikes. I plan to add the songs used for Dieter & Kat's performances as we go along too.

Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @survivingandenduring  @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime  @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75 @bunniboo0015 @quicax3 @jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @jessthebaker @rebel-held @gwendibleywrites @pedrostories

*If your name is marked out, it wouldn’t let me tag you. ☹️

If you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know in the comments or shoot me a DM.

Credits: Support/MDNI Dividers: @cafekitsune Disco Divider: @deadbranch

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfic #dancing dieter #plant dad dieter #closed position series #Youtube #Spotify

[baki-tiene-un-simp]

Hi 🤗

I don't know if you're writing soulmates au but if not you can just pretend it's a classic s/o

Would you write about Hanayama, Baki, Kureha and Yujiro about having a soul mate (fem or gn) who is of another nationality like in Japan the cultural mix is ​​still rather frowned upon by the most older (especially with Chinese and Korean). I'm especially thinking of a scenario where someone criticizes the fact that their soul mate is foreign, how would they react ?

I love your writhings 💜

Situation: Soulmates Au

Characters: Baki Hanma, Kaoru Hanayama, Kureha Shinogi and Yujiro Hanma.

You were able to be together, thanks to you, you were the one who had the courage to leave everything you knew, all your family, your friends, your job and the life you had already built to venture into a risky search to meet a person you had never known before. Seen, but that you knew it was out there. Waiting for you.

[Your Baki boy] admire your determination and bravery wondering if he had been capable of the same, would he have run into your arms without being sure that you would really receive him waiting? Would he have abandoned everything he achieved with effort and sacrifice to meet you, far from his country, his friends and his goals? He probably wouldn't have been capable of that, he knows, he always feared what could happen if he ran aimlessly for his soul mate, he would never do something so reckless for fear of the consequences that his careless actions would drag. However, you are different from him, you decided to take this risk for both of us. [Your boy from Baki] couldn't do anything but open his arms and comfort your tears of joy at finally finding him, you stood before him as confused as one could be in a strange country without a solid foundation of the language; that they found each other was a complete miracle.

He took care of you for a while until he could teach you Japanese and you could settle in the country on your own, all while the two of you were getting to know each other and cementing a relationship, I couldn't believe you were finally together.

Despite all the time you've spent together, you haven't seen much of Japan other than the places you frequent with [Your boy from Baki], who thought it would be a good idea for the two of you to go out together so you could get to know the city. . You were delighted by the idea, needless to say. Soon they would be touring the center of the city to familiarize you with your new surroundings, huge buildings looming over your head, while bright lights flickered, drawing your full attention with every step you took. [Your Baki guy] didn't think he would impress you with so little, but your smile is so cute that he's definitely satisfied.

He takes you by the arm to show you one of the busiest parks in the city, it is full of vegetation and you can stop for a moment to rest under the shade for a few seconds. Your vibrant accent tickles [Your Baki guy]'s ear, you're lovely, he listens intently when you talk about how amazing your day has been and how much you thank him for taking the time to do this with you.

Baki Hanma.

He smiled happily when you got lost in the details that have interested you so much, your corners don't stop stretching and you get so close to him that he starts to get nervous. He really don't expect the feelings he has developed for you to overwhelm him that much, he is very happy.

However, he catches the distant gaze of two old women who are looking at the two of them in a … strange way. It's a kind of look that carries some form of judgment, as if its very existence is wrong.

"Young people these days only know how to go against good customs" is the only thing they let go when they intentionally pass close to you, pretending not to have noticed you.

You shrink in your seat, visibly less energetic than before, Baki grimaces at this, "elders can be so reckless sometimes" he ignores the faces of the women who still heard him, "Don't listen to them, I couldn't be luckier to have someone like you by my side"

Kaoru Hanayama.

Hanayama is happy with your enthusiasm, his attentive eyes don't leave your figure for even a second, it's all the cute expressions and amazed phrases that you let go that keeps his calm. His big arm on the back of the seat to protect your shoulders carefully.

"Ugh, damn foreigners" the voice surprised you and made you shiver uncomfortably due to the deep hatred that could be perceived just by hearing it, "how dare they do something like this in public?"

Kaoru stands up to his full height and faces the man behind you with a stern look, the other person has to step back to meet his face, "Did you say something?" He does not receive more response than an incomprehensible mutter before the subject moved away.

He comforts you by holding you in his arm, circles drawn on your back comforting you, "Don't pay attention, you're all I could ever want."

Kureha Shinogi.

"What a careless way of talking" the voice behind the man is heard higher than it should be a whisper, Kureha looks over her shoulder.

"Lower your voice! They might hear you" the girl who came with the boy scolded him covertly, "Why should I? We are in our country, foreigners only come to corrupt our bloodline"

"What comments are those?" Kureha whines inattentively at the walking away couple, he sounds like a conservative old man who still believes in blood purity, "I thought the people who said that were already retired. "

"Hm? Oh, it's nothing. Don't listen to what they say. Some people just get carried away by old rumors, but that's all. I couldn't ask for anyone but you to share the rest of my life with."

Yujiro Hanma.

I don't think I've made this point clear enough, but, his soul mate (S/O, Y/N, You, ___, etc.) would be better off without him, just living their life without having the bad luck to cross his path.

He can't defend you from the comments of others because it's simply not his problem, in fact, he would make the comments worse just to tear at the fragile fabric of human sanity.

I would write a whole book about why and how his soul mate stays away from him, living happily and peacefully. I just hate him.

Versión en español.

Ustedes pudieron estar juntos gracias a ti, fuiste quien tuvo el valor de dejar todo cuanto conocía, a toda tu familia, tus amigos, tu trabajo y la vida que ya habías construido para aventurarte en una búsqueda arriesgada para conocer a una persona que jamás habías visto, pero que sabías que estaba ahí afuera. Esperándote.

[Tu chico de Baki] admiro tu determinación y tu valentía preguntándose si él hubiera sido capaz de lo mismo, ¿él habría corrido a tus brazos sin estar seguro de que realmente lo recibirías esperando? ¿Hubiera abandonado todo lo que consiguió con esfuerzo y sacrificio para conocerte, lejos de su país, amigos y metas? Probablemente no hubiera sido capaz de eso, lo sabe, siempre temió lo que podría pasar si corría sin rumbo por su alma gemela, jamás haría algo tan imprudente por miedo a las consecuencias que sus descuidadas acciones arrastrarían. Sin embargo, tú eres diferente a él, tú decidiste tomar este riesgo por ambos. [Tu chico de Baki] no pudo hacer otra cosa más que abrir sus brazos y consolar tu llanto de alegría por encontrarlo al fin, te presentaste frente a él tan confundido como se podría estar en un país extraño sin una base sólida del lenguaje; el que se hayan encontrado fue un completo milagro.

Él cuidó de ti durante un tiempo hasta que pudo enseñarte japonés y que pudieras asentarte en el país por tu propia cuenta, todo mientras ustedes dos se conocían y consolidaban una relación, no podía creer que estuvieran finalmente juntos.

A pesar de todo el tiempo que ustedes han pasado juntos no has visto mucho de Japón más allá que los lugares que frecuentas junto a [Tu chico de Baki], quien creyó que sería una buena idea que ambos salieran juntos para que pudieras conocer la ciudad. Estuviste encantado por la idea, esta de más decirlo. Pronto estarían recorriendo el centro de la ciudad para que te familiarices con tu nuevo entorno, enormes edificios se alzaban sobre tu cabeza, mientras que brillantes luces parpadeaban llamando tu entera atención a cada paso que das. [Tu chico de Baki] no creyó que te impresionaría con tan poco, pero tu sonrisa es tan linda que definitivamente está satisfecho.

Él te lleva del brazo para que conozcas uno de los parques más concurridos de la ciudad, está repleto de vegetación y ustedes pueden detenerse un momento para descansar bajo la sombra durante unos segundos. El vibrante acento que tienes le hace cosquillas a [Tu chico de Baki] en el oído, eres encantador, te escucha atentamente cuando hablas de lo increíble que ha sido todo el día y lo mucho que le agradeces por tomarse el tiempo de hacer esto contigo.

Baki Hanma.

Sonrió contento cuando te perdiste en los detalles que te han interesado tanto, tus comisuras no paran de estirarse y te acercas tanto a él que empieza a ponerse nervioso. Realmente no espero que los sentimientos que ha desarrollado por ti lo abrumen tanto, está muy feliz.

Sin embargo, capta la mirada distante de dos ancianas que los miran a los dos de forma… Extraña. Es una especie de mirada que carga alguna forma de juicio, como si su sola existencia estuviese mal.

"Los jóvenes de hoy en día solo saben ir contra las buenas costumbres" es lo único que dejan ir cuando pasan intencionalmente cerca de ustedes, disimulando no haberlos notado.

Te encoges en tu asiento, visiblemente menos enérgico que antes, Baki hace una mueca ante esto, "los ancianos pueden ser tan imprudentes a veces" ignora los rostros de las mujeres que igual lo escucharon, "No las escuches, no pude ser más afortunado de tener a alguien como tú a mi lado"

Kaoru Hanayama.

Hanayama esta feliz con tu entusiasmo, sus ojos atentos no dejan tu figura ni siquiera un segundo, son todas las lindas expresiones y frases asombradas que dejas ir lo que mantiene su calma. Su gran brazo en el respaldo del asiento para resguardar tus hombros con cuidado.

"Ugh, malditos extranjeros" la voz te sorprendió y te hizo removerte incómodo debido al profundo odio que se podía percibir solo al escucharlo, "¿cómo se atreven a hacer algo como esto en público?"

Kaoru se pone en pie en toda su altura y encara al hombre tras ustedes con una mirada severa, la otra persona tiene que retroceder para mirarlo a la cara, "¿Has dicho algo?" No recibe más respuesta que un murmullo incomprensible antes de que el sujeto se alejara.

Te consuela al estrecharte en su brazo, círculos dibujados en tu espalda que te reconfortan, "No prestes atención, eres todo lo que podría desear"

Kureha Shinogi.

"Que forma de hablar tan descuidada" la voz a la espalda del hombre se escucha más alto de lo que debería ser un susurro, Kureha mira sobre su hombro.

"¡Baja la voz! Podrían escucharte" la chica que venía con el muchacho lo regaño de forma disimulada, "¿Por qué debería? Estamos en nuestro país, los extranjeros solo vienen a corromper nuestra línea de sangre"

"¿Qué comentarios son esos?" Kureha se queja sin prestarles atención a la pareja que se aleja, suena como un anciano conservador que todavía cree en la pureza de la sangre, "Creí que las personas que decían esos ya estaban retiradas"

"¿Hm? Oh, no es nada. No hagas caso a lo que dicen. Algunas personas solo se dejan llevar por antiguos rumores, pero eso es todo. No podría pedir a nadie más que a ti para compartir el resto de mi vida"

Yujiro Hanma.

Creo que no he dejado este punto lo suficientemente claro, pero, su alma gemela (S/O, Tn, Tú, _, etc.) estaría mejor sin él, simplemente viviendo su vida sin tener la mala suerte de cruzarte en su camino.

No puede defenderte de los comentarios de otros porque simplemente no es su problema, de hecho, él haría que los comentarios fueran peores solamente para desgarrar la frágil tela de la cordura humana.

Escribiría un libro completo sobre porque y como su alma gemela se mantiene alejada de él, viviendo feliz y en paz. Simplemente lo odio.

#baki hanma #baki hanma baki #baki #baki hanma x lector #baki hanma x reader #hanayama kaoru #hanayama kaoru baki #kaoru baki #hanayama #kaoru hanayama x lector #hanayama kaoru x reader #kureha shinogi #kureha shinogi baki #kureha baki #kureha #kureha shinogi x lector #kureha shinogi x reader #yujiro hanma #yujiro hanma baki #yujiro baki #yujiro #yujiro hanma x lector #yujiro hanma x reader #baki the grappler #baki son of ogre #baki dou #baki headcanons

[teeth--king]

Eats your Stardew Valley Elliott art

anyways! Ive seen barely anyone do this but what do you think Elliotts’ backstory is? Like what’s his relationship with his parents? You can draw and/or write it if you want :)

(i crave angsty backstory for Elliott…because I love him…)

Please, feast away! It brings me so much happiness that people are enjoying my Stardew Valley art so much! I usually make my own personal art, so dabbling in a little fan art and it going so well is very appreciated.(also all the nice comments and tags, those fuel me and make me go forward each day)

But for the main part of the ask, it takes so much for my little writer self to not just go hog wild and re-create characters who I get attached to. I have a love hate relationship with this, but it's very easy to do with Stardew characters because they are all so blank slate, those little buddies can be what ever you want because they are the perfect level of lovable yet bland. As for Elliott, yeah I'm a little more on the angsty side of backstory for him, partially from some dialogue and partially from some projecting, haha.

I am not the worlds best writer(despite the fact that it's technically what I do) so I apologize if any of this is a bit rough or odd sounding :P I also feel odd about writing and sharing backstories for already made characters as a creative myself, so this might also be a bit awkwardly worded on my end as well. So just a little heads up before my rambling thoughts below.

So I've always read him as no longer connected to his family due to his passions and actually following them. He's distanced himself from most people in his past, some intentionally and some outside of his control, to try and become who he actually wants to be. I feel like before he came to Stardew Valley he was working his ass off by not gracefully juggling both a job and trying to write at the same time, probably developed some bad habits during those times to cope. He tries to not show it and mask but being kind and welcoming(sometimes overly so if in a rough spot), he has too much ego to let others know he's not doing well chasing his dreams. After moving to Stardew Valley he's started to do a bit better but he's even more of a starving artist because he's just living off savings, most of which he used to buy the cabin. Man's got a male living space by slight necessity but plays it off as being a minimalist. Also no idea where I would place this otherwise, but he gives me the vibe that he has a more public facing persona where he's more flowery and puts on a slight voice, while in reality he's just a dude(still poetic tho, he can't stop that, theater kid vibes).

Ironically trying to not make him too much like my character Elliot. Both of these men are my current stress toys and I am throwing them around so much in my mind.

Ah! Thank you so much for this ask, it was a wonderful distraction for my night! I love answering stuff and getting to get my thoughts out of my head somehow. They are quite loud in there so I'm pleased to have them out and about now. This likely isn't everything but my brain works in such scattered and anxious ways that I am not sure. Thank you again!

#ask #stardew valley #stardew elliott #no clue if I should tag that but ah. guess so for at least my own blogs sorting

[troius]

The Kids in the Room

The Fullbringer Arc is tighter and more coherent than anything in the manga so far, telling a very straightforward story about a young person’s alienation from the world he lives in. It has very specific things to say about the role of parents, mentors, and friends in the process of a kid becoming an adult and does a pretty decent job of looking at how different organizations (the state, gangs) can play into that young person’s life. And then, at the climax of the story, it very intentionally takes all that hard work, and for what I must assume were business reasons, tosses it all away.

The Arrancar Arc was a glorious, grandiose mess. It featured no fewer than three separate worlds, four distinct factions, and probably around twenty characters with active character arcs. Although it started off with the truly breathtaking ambition of weaving all of this together, by the end Kubo had cut a considerable amount of the subplots in favor of actually getting to the end of the story he was telling. And it still mostly worked! Ichigo’s character arc, at least, ended where I think it was always going to: sacrificing his nigh-unlimited power after understanding the price of that power.

But of course, giving up all of your powers isn’t really a long-term solution for Ichigo, just like it isn’t for any of us in life. Ruling over three worlds might tend to corrupt a person, but we all want—and need—to feel like we have some power over our own lives. Ichigo, in his final year of high school, living on the precipice of adulthood, feels this in more than one way. He had this power. He sacrificed it. And yet now, he’d do anything to get it back. Anything except ask for help.

You see, asking for help is hard, but especially in the context of “seeking power”, which in this story is an even less veiled metaphor for “growing up” than it usually is in shonen manga. Asking for help means admitting both weakness (you don’t have the power to get what you want right now) and discontentment (there is something you want that you don’t have). For Ichigo, whose primary method of coping with his mother’s death was asserting a premature independence, this would be difficult even if the thing he was seeking wasn’t something he had very publicly given up in front of his friends and family. Yes, there are times when he doesn’t want to involve them to protect them, but a big part of his self-imposed isolation is his own ego, his unwillingness to reveal to people who love him just how miserable he is, out of fear that it will reveal him to be somebody they won’t love anymore.

And that’s where the Fullbringers come in. Ginjo puts in a tremendous amount of work into getting close to Ichigo—lying to him, giving him little bits of information piecemeal without telling him the whole thing, and of course, offering him power that Ichigo desperately wants. But none of it would be possible if Ichigo didn’t have this preexisting desire to do it all himself, or at least to appear to his friends and family like he’s doing it himself. Ginjo does what nobody else in Ichigo’s life does—offers him assistance without making him ask for it. Hook, line, sinker.

The body of the arc covers this masterclass in manipulation from Ginjo, and it’s a huge change from what has, up until this point, been a very standard shonen battle manga in terms of content, where the fights happen on a more or less weekly basis. Here, it takes over half the arc for Ichigo to fight anybody! It’s all character development, even for the side characters like Orihime and Chad, who don’t get fights of their own but do get to express themselves and show initiative in ways they were largely denied in the previous arc. It’s all a long, slow burn to the climax, where Tsukishima suddenly strips away the support system that Ichigo had so undervalued, leaving him defenseless against Ginjo’s theft of his power.

And that’s my big frustration with the climax. It’s not that I like the Karakura kids more than I like the Soul Reapers, although I very well might. It’s that so much work has been put into drawing out and developing these relationships, so much effort put into showing how this is affecting all of them. And it’s not just metatextual effort either—yes, we spend a lot of pagetime with Chad and Orihime and Uryu, but Xcution also targets them all because of their importance to Ichigo! The very story itself recognizes that they’re the support system that Ichigo needs to be an emotionally healthy adult! Any logical resolution must therefore involve them!

But it doesn’t. Instead, it’s the Soul Reapers, who have not been physically or even narratively present at all for four volumes, who come in and repower Ichigo. They’re the ones who pair up for the fights against Xcution, fights that are very light on the sort of character work that is so characteristic of Bleach fights because there just isn’t the grounding for it! Even the fights that show character are mostly showing development that seemingly occurred off-panel, leaving you wondering when exactly Toshiro and Ikkaku achieved their newfound maturity. But the supporting characters from the bulk of the arc are written out, and even the personal feelings of Shigekuni Genryusai Yamamoto wind up being more important to the narrative.

This isn’t just unsatisfactory on the level of the supporting characters, it also fatally undercuts Ichigo’s own development. We expect the story to end with him overcoming the challenge set in front of him, which at the beginning is clearly his alienation from the people he loves. But he doesn’t really do that—instead, the Soul Reapers showing up is what solves his problems, which suggests that the actual problem in his life is just “they weren’t around”. I don’t think that’s actually what we’re meant to take away here, and the narrative doesn’t seem to think so either, which is why we end with the character development being passed on to Soul Society instead. They learn something in this arc, which is to trust Ichigo. But he doesn’t seem to have learned a damn thing.

And that’s what frustrates me so much about this arc: the lost potential, the fact that there was a very obvious story being told that was abruptly discarded, right at the moment it mattered most. There was probably no way Kubo could have fulfilled all the potential of the Arrancar Arc: there were just to many characters, too many storylines. But here, he condensed his writing, narrowed his scope, and still told a compelling story up until he suddenly threw it all away. Whatever the reason for it-- and I have no insight into the editing or business pressures that might have motivated a climax so different from that the story was obviously building to-- it’s disappointing.

#Bleach #Troius reads Bleach #I spent the weekend on this lol #hope y'all are in the mood for 1200 words of my complaints about this arc #it just really annoys me when an author appropriately limits their ambition and yet still fucks it up #anyhow I'll have more positive content out this week #my six hearts vs Xcution matchups #but I wanted to get this out first so you knew where I was coming from #wrap up post

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

What interests me most in Quaritch’s and Spider’s relationship is The Tragedy. Quaritch is an asshole who wants to kill Na’vi but he also has nothing else going for him, so he does what he’s told because without the mission he has no purpose. Spider is a kid who was neglected by EVERYBODY and never had an adult care for him. Then BOOM, they meet and are forced to work together. The movie had not given them a lot of screen time but the fact that Spider felt safe enough around the recoms to crack jokes and be playful says a lot. The scene where he teaches Miles Na’vi and puts a hand on his knee, unafraid of physical contact also shows that they’ve grown quite close in the past months.

And then Quaritch fucks it up. He goes back into his old ways and only cuts corners out of fear that Spider will hate him until the end of days, but he already does so because after months of camping out in the forest and having their Disney found family arc, the poor kid is confronted with the fact that his not-dad-dad had not changed in any way that matters. The only thing that changed about Q is the fact that he now has one (1) person he cares about. Spider got taken away from his home, somehow experienced what it was like to be loved (even if said love was the bare minimum) and then was brutally reminded that the person who loves him is an actual demon.

In the end, a happy ending was never meant to be. They are enemies, and could never support the other’s cause and yet they still love one another, and they fucking hate that they love one another, which is my favorite part. In separate interviews, both Slang and Jack had confirmed that both characters have a mighty soft spot for one another, even if they resent it. The bond they have built is there and not Spider, nor Quaritch can shake it off.

I've let this sit in my asks for a while now cause I knew I would get fired up. Yeah from the get go in your post you are already being extremely charitable to Quaritch in a way that sits really poorly with me.

-"Quaritch has nothing else going for him if he's not fulfilling his mission and killing Na'vi." I don't understand where you guys fabricate this tragic past for Quartich from, in the first movie he literally says he chose to extend his tour on Pandora because of his hatred for the Na'vi. He was going back to Earth, where who knows who was waiting for him? Saying he has no family or friends is entirely made up, especially when we know he had a girlfriend and a child at the time.

-"They were forced to work together" HUGE fucking reach dude. Spider is sure forced to work for Quaritch. But Quaritch kidnapped him, took him as a prisoner of war, brought him to be tortured for informatin, uses him as a forced teacher and translator as he burns down and threatens civilian villages. These are all decisions he makes intentionally (not forced!) and are all fun little war crimes.

-I think calling Spider playful around the recoms for that one scene where he mocks Quaritch's Na'vi is rather crazy. Saying they've grown quite close, that they've had a 'Disney family arc,' I really hope you are really young and you'll mature. YOU CAN'T DEVELOP A GOOD AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE UNDER DURESS. Spider is a prisoner! The entire time! Any relationship basis is stockholm syndrome, because every interaction is colored with the fact that any of the recoms, Quaritch, could hurt him or kill him at any time. They could take him back to be tortured. He can't do what he wants. He cannot leave. So every action that isn't harmful feels ten times better because he knows it COULD BE and might be at any second. It's why the cycle of abuse is so powerful, when the norm is pain, kindness feels so unexpected and undeserved. It's really harmful to paint these relationships as good.

-"Quaritch has changed because now he has someone he cares about." Well fuck me, I guess Spider didn't matter when he god damn existed in the 2009 movie??

-The bond that is built is a toxic one based on abuse and manipulation. It's stockholm syndrome, it's lima syndrome. It will definitely be interesting, but you are right about that one thing: it will never work out.

#when will you all get it through ur thick skulls #miles quaritch #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #recoms #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa's asks #melissa on avatar (cameron)

[autisticandroids]

anyway somebody reblogged this post and reminded me it existed and i was thinking about it again and one thing that definitely pops up in my kind of analysis of what was going on when the brothers were kids was like. okay so the thing is that there is absolutely a discourse of parental favoritism. that goes on in the fandom. people do claim that one or another of the brothers was john's favorite or they react to that discourse by claiming that neither was ever john's favorite but the thing is... if you look at abusive families... favoritism happens. it's abusive to both the unfavorite and the favorite, openly brutalizing the unfavorite and showing the favorite what will happen if they lose favor. and the crucial part is it changes. the abuser will change who the favorite is, to keep everyone on their toes.

anyway the thing is i am inclined to think, overall, that sam was the favorite when they were little because young children don't really have independent wills and are therefore easy to love while john adultified dean therefore forcing him to cultivate some level of independence due to the responsibility placed on him (making him unlovable to john), and dean was the favorite from when sam turned like twelve until sam went to stanford because dean spent his whole life intentionally trying to kill his own independent will and become easy to love while sam was developing his independent will and becoming harder to love than dean for the first time, and then after sam left he kind of became the favorite again because he was absent and people who exist only in your memory don't have independent wills and are easy to love. also, by the way, being the favorite at any of these times actually meant being the second favorite, because mary was dead and people who exist only in your memory don't have independent wills and are easy to love.

like, whichever of his children that john had to engage with less as a person at any given time was john's favorite. dean spent a lot more of his life with john needing to be engaged with as a person, both because he was older and because he never left. however, dean also worked very hard to keep his father from having to engage with him as a person (which is an imperfect science, meaning that despite doing this he never would have beat out a prepubescent child or a phantom). but whenever sam was both present and old enough to require that engagement, sam was the least favorite.

obviously this isn't hard and fast, i'm sure both sam and dean cycled in and out of favoritism frequently, on a monthly or even weekly basis sometimes, but i think on average this is what it looked like.

#spn #abuse tw

[apompkwrites]

Do the black sheeps older brothers ever get jealous of their relationship with others

like would Leona get jealous watching (name)Kingscholar tackling their friends, basically announcing to everyone that they consider them as their family, but when they're around him, it's awkward, and they don't even dare get close to him

would Vil ever get jealous at the fact that lil galaling seems to be so open and genuine around the rest of the black sheep compared to them seemingly always walking on eggshells when they are around him

would Malleus and Silver ever get (even slightly) jealous at the fact that the lil draconia and silver twin have developed more of a sibling relationship than they do with them, or would Lilia get jealous over the fact that Silver twin and Lil Bat sometimes seem to have more of a child-parent relationship than they have a niece/nephew-aunt/uncle relationship and silver twin going to Lil bat for comfort and guidance instead of him

off-topic, but Lil Vanrouge being overprotective of Silvers twin >>>>>>>> I had a whole separate brainrot about that I plan to send later

I think Riddle would get jealous at how expressive Lil Rose is around the black sheep but whenever Riddle approaches them they revert back to that robotic-like state

The thought of the brothers becoming jealous of their siblings friends because they have more of a family dynamic than their actual family has but not being able to do anything because they were sort of a part of pushing them away (whether it be unintentionally or intentionally) is just absolutely delectable to me

mm i would say they do. especially after overblot (for the ones that do overblot, that is).

like imagine kingscholar!(name) who used to tackle leona and falena in the halls of their home. and there they are at NRC, doing the same thing to people that leona had never met before. people like nuru, the twins, and other black sheep if they exist in the same universe. but when they get close to him all they offer is a strained glance.

imagine schoenheit!(name) who is so open around epel, who had also been subjected to the same judgmental eyes of vil. schoenheit!(name) who can't stand to perform again at the sdc/vdc because of prior trauma with performing.

imagine draconia!(name) and twin!silver who both have a solid bond with each other but not their siblings. twin!silver who feels they can't go up to lilia and silver for their insomnia so they turn to lil draconia. draconia!(name) who feels so out of place around people aside from twin!silver. and then vanrouge!(name) who takes care of both of them with no inclusion of their big brother.

and imagine rosehearts!(name) who shows an ounce of emotion around anyone else aside from riddle. rosehearts!(name) who looks at riddle and talks to him the same way they do with their mother, or ms. rosehearts according to (name).

so yes yes yes after everything that happens, after everything that changes, the one thing that stays the same is the shattered relationship between the siblings :((

also also yes please send in your brainrot for vanrouge being overprotective :OO

#a pompk answers #black sheep #a randomeroacher's rambles

[nothorses]

Do you have any more info on social-emotional learning?

I can only find versions for kids that include "follow the rules" in a million different words which uhh seems antithetical to the concept of SEL

I don't have as much relevant info as someone who's been formally trained/educated in SEL specifically, but it's definitely a big part of the philosophy of education in my program. My understanding of SEL is that it's about teaching kids to identify, process, and self-regulate their emotions, and to be in community with others.

A lot of the work I see around SEL is very intentionally informed by culturally-responsive education, which is, in a nutshell, about valuing students' individual cultures ("culture" meaning, like, everything from the general understanding of the word, to stuff like family culture and communities students are a part of- like the queer community- to neurodivergence and disability). That manifests as a way of teaching students that directly involves and welcomes their cultures (ex: having students teach each other, inviting community members to teach students, etc.), valuing the unique knowledge that students of different cultures bring to the classroom, helping students develop a positive sense of identity, and teaching students to value the cultures of other students.

This is also why it's under attack from conservatives; SEL necessitates discussions around justice, equity, diversity, and inclusion.

There are a lot of ways this shows up, but tbh, I would avoid SEL resources that emphasize academic performance or adherence to rules/"good behavior". The purpose of SEL is not to serve educators; a happy and healthy student is going to have an easier time in the classroom, but that's for the students, not the educator. Students should also be learning, like, autonomy, confidence, and self-advocacy. And educators should be making an effort to meet students where they are with their needs; we don't demand attention and punish students when they struggle to give it to us, we seek to understand why students struggle with our methods, and adjust them to meet their needs.

I've seen some decent resources floating around, and I think one of the best keywords to look out for is "culturally-responsive"; if you're just seeing resources that stress following rules, maybe try adding that onto your search!

I'm personally just a little hesitant to recommend anything without having time to comb through it more thoroughly first, and a lot of the SEL-related content I've learned through has not actually named SEL itself. 🤷‍♂️ If yall are interested in some readings around cultural responsiveness & supporting student health and happiness, though, I'm happy to provide!

#education #childcare #sel #social emotional learning #philosophy of education #culturally responsive

[pablo9306]

The Impact of Instagram on Teen Body Images and ways to ignore them

In todays age of social media, Instagram has emerged as one of the most popular platforms among teenagers. While it provides a space for self-expression and connection with friends and family, it also has a significant impact on the body images of young individuals. In this blog post, I am going to go in depth on how Instagram influences teen body images and how we can ignore them

So to start us off, I wanted to talk about Comparison Culture Instagram is filled with carefully picked profiles showcasing seemingly flawless bodies and lifestyles either if its body builders or people with a lot of makeup on. Teens are bombarded with images of those profiles. This constant exposure creates a culture of comparison, where teenagers feel pressured to conform to unrealistic and often unattainable body ideals. This was one big thing that has been on my mind for awhile, that Comparing one another is not right and should never happen, it destroys people's mental health for not being up to date on things and looks

Next up on the list is Influencer Culture Influencers on Instagram often promote certain beauty standards and products. People, mostly Teens, who are highly impressionable, may idolize these influencers and would want to emulate their appearance. They may start comparing themselves to these influencers and feeling horrible or left out if they don't meet the same standards. One example being a teenager might feel dissatisfied with their body because it doesn't resemble that of their favorite fitness influencer. for example maybe its someone who wants to look like Brooke Monk, or someone who wants to look like one of the Trent twins (these are just exemples) this is what destroys people self confidence and mental health and gives them a lot of stress for “not being up to date on beauty standards'' 

Finally we have Filters and Editing. I wanted to talk about this as it's just stupid all around as so many people use these nowadays you cant tell whats real or not. So to start off Instagram offers a range of filters and editing tools that allow users to enhance their appearance. These tools can be used to mess around and have fun, but they also contribute to the distortion of reality. Teens might develop an unhealthy obsession with achieving the perfect look through excessive editing or using filters that create a false sense of beauty. People out there go nuts for attention, some people even spend hours on those filters perfecting them, and they don't even look like that in real life.

I also wanted to mention Makeup, Its used everywhere now even if it's just a quick photo or going out, people will always use makeup, makeup in my opinion is like using one of the Instagram filters but having it on you temporally and only taking it off when you want to stop receiving attention. People go crazy on makeup just like Instagram filters which has the same consequences.

So what are some things we can do to ignore and stop it?

One main thing anyone can do is take breaks from social media take periods of time or days where you intentionally disconnect from Instagram and other social media platforms.  As well you can set a few boundaries by only being on Instagram for a few hours or even just every few days. Another thing is to take control of the content you see on Instagram by actively curating your feed by unfollowing accounts that show unrealistic beauty standards or negatively impact your self-esteem. Instead, we can follow accounts that promote body positivity, self-acceptance, and mental well-being.

In Conclusion, Instagram Is a great social media app that is used by many people worldwide, while that is the case teens will have body image issues that cannot be underestimated. The constant exposure to beauty/body building profiles, influencer culture, and the use of filters and editing tools all contribute to an environment that fosters comparison and unrealistic beauty standards. However, it's important to remember that Instagram also offers opportunities for positive change, with body positivity leading the way. As others mostly teens navigate this digital landscape, we should promote self-acceptance and a healthy relationship with social media.

#instagram #teenagers #social media

[bright-red-sunsets]

Does your MC character change during Main Quest? Especially during Book 2?

I'm assuming you're talking about Housamo so here I go with my MC ramble hehehehe (P.S. oh god this ramble got a bit out of hand lol)

Before I get into it, two things.

1) I'm close to finishing chapter 10 so I'm not caught up to date. This also means I can't say much about Part 2 unfortunately.

2) my MC's name is Mango and I'll be using they/them, but they don't care much about pronouns.

I think they do change a lot.

The writing tries to show MC having a nearly unshakeable will and clear goal in mind in any situation, but Mango is like, a lot less sure at the start.

Initially, Mango is just going with the flow and going along with the expectations people have of them. Mango doesn't have memories, so they end up feeling like they Are all these people others claim them to be.

Ryota is one of the more important characters when it comes to Mango's growth as a person. In the Aoyama guild arc, Ryota confesses to Mango that he wants to have a special bond with someone, the way Shiro & Kengo have and Maria & Gabriel have. That makes Mango realize that their experiences with Ryota are something more tangible to care about.

From that point on, Mango develops a stronger sense of Self. While they want to honor the feelings others have, they also recognize that they aren't all their past lives – they're the person here and now. Mango allows themself to be more selfish and stop trying to be the person others want. (On a lighter note, this also means they act increasingly more sarcastic when someone starts calling them a different name, "Another one for my list...")

Throughout and after the Roponggi arc is when Mango gains some proper maturity. Toji, even though Mango extensively thinks he has a stick up his ass, does challenge them and whether they're taking this seriously enough. And hell, Mango has to admit maybe Toji does know what he's talking about.

The finale is another point that greatly affects Mango. The more they learn about the loops, the stronger their resolve is to end the Game and live their life. But when they learn about the loop(s) where they were Babalon's family... that really hits them...

PART 2: MANGO HAS DEPRESSION AND PTSD

The start of Part 2 is maybe my favorite part of the story so far, especially in terms of how MC is characterized. HELL, Mango's collapse forces them to confront all their flaws. Mango has let people die! Mango has people who put faith in them! They are confronting their own capacity to harm others and desperately grasping for ways to protect the people they're close to.

This is the peak to everything Mango has been becoming so far. They are selfish and recognize they can harm others. Mango doesn't just jump into action blindly, they plan extensively with the Summoners (and when they don't, they put their whole faith in that Shiro does). In many ways they are similar to how they started, but with the added depth of doing it all intentionally and compensating where they failed.

#SORRY THIS IS LONG i could write several more paragraphs #but i would have to reread chapter by chapter to actually get into the details #because this is mostly like. how i personally interpret MC's arc + the tweaks to better suit how i view Mango #ask.sunset #housamo #tokyo afterschool summoners

[devil-doll13]

Abigail Williams SFW Alphabet 🖤

Tw: Angst, Unhealthy relationship dynamics, mention of Abby killing people because of course.

Note: I’ve done Max’s and Zach’s so now onto Abigail’s. A chunk of this has been sitting in my drafts for a while so some of it is kind of outdated probably, just be aware lol.

This can be read platonically or romantically in most cases

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At first, not at all. Abigail’s a bit shy and even cold if she doesn’t know you well. Once you get past that initial stage though, she actually really loves affection! She is actually incredibly touch-starved but she herself doesn’t know it. Abby barely knows what an actual loving touch feels like to be honest, it’s both frightening and heartwarming all at once.

Doesn’t vibe with too much pda though. She gets too flustered tbh.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Any friendship with Abigail starts off slow. She’s even more wary of strangers now than she was in her youth. One thing that’ll help is if you both show vulnerability in some way, it helps her to connect with you and see you as a trustworthy person. Once that’s established it’ll happen naturally. Doesn’t really have any other (living) friends so you’ll become her bestie by default.

To be honest though it’s a little dangerous to be her friend, as while it’s unlikely she’d ever hurt you intentionally… Black magic is black magic, and since she doesn’t really know what a healthy relationship looks like and is known for various degrees of jealousy and a violent/cruel streak, it could become toxic despite her trying to be harmless for you.

But she’s a ride or die friend. Seriously, trust her to bury the body if you kill someone then take you out for icecream later. Only thing is you need to have that same attitude towards her or she might feel betrayed or something. (You might already have some dubious morals if you’re her friend anyway.)

Of course, by far the most interesting side to being close to her is the possibility that she would take you under her wing as a student. Deep down there is a wish to know someone as knowledgeable in mysticism as she is, but for lack of that person she feels some draw towards teaching it, creating her own little protégé. This is also very practical for her; she may even end up living in your house and turning it into a place for rituals and potion-brewing so be careful lol. It might be for the better if this doesn’t happen tbh, because then she might reach further and develop a whole coven, (teaching is pretty addictive for her, and so is growing in power) just as The Organisation feared she would. Maybe then she’d have a chance of surpassing even Lucy, her infamous witch mother.

C = Cuddle (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Abigail loves loves loves to cuddle! She craves being close and feeling your warmth. It’ll take a while though, so you need to be a little patient here honestly. If you try and get too close too fast she’ll flinch and recoil away instinctively. You both need to go slow at first, and be gentle. If you’re the same way it actually helps oddly enough, because Abby understands and feels less afraid that you’ll mean her harm. Because she’s so angular she isn’t the most comfortable, but she tries.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Abigail honestly loves the idea of domesticity, but she only keeps it as a distant fantasy in her head. She never knew what it really felt like to have a family that actually loved her so she sometimes thinks about that now and again. It feels like a distant dream for Abby though, so she fools herself into believing she’s happier alone so she can focus on her occult studies. It’s something that’s slowly eroding away the little semblance of humanity she still has left.

She’s a pretty good cook and baker! Her signature is definitely pie. Especially apple pie. It’s kind of relaxing for her since it’s such a mundane task. Don’t be afraid, It tastes and smells nice, if only she had someone to share it with yeah?

Abigail also likes to keep things relatively clean, but it does sometimes get a bit cluttered… She’ll organise everything now and again to make sure it doesn’t get too out of control. Sometimes she does lose things, partially because she doesn’t have a stable home.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Abigail goes hard for the commitment so it takes a lot for her to think about ending things unless you do something really drastic yourself. Honestly I could see her as putting up with toxic behaviour in exchange for ‘love,’ just because she needs it that badly, and getting into an extremely dysfunctional dynamic because you’re both terrible for each other. Not that that would end well for anyone involved, of course.

… But if it’s some kind of cheating or betrayal (especially if you help the witch hunters on her tail…), she’ll really have nothing else to say to you. That’s really her limit and breaking point. She won’t hurt you back because there’s a part of her that still loves you, but anything you had is gone now. She’ll leave in the dead of night without a trace. As if she never existed in your life at all. Don’t ever try to go looking for her, it won’t end well.

F = Fiancé(e) (how do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Abigail really needs commitment in a relationship honestly. She can’t do casual stuff, she could never be vulnerable with someone she doesn’t trust completely.

Abby doesn’t care for a big wedding or anything, she’d rather just elope with you and marry informally, preferably far away from a church. She loves the idea of exchanging rings as a symbol of devotion to eachother, though. She’ll never take hers off. It makes her heart feel strangely warm when she looks at it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Abby’s typically very gentle. Soft soft touches like you’re made of porcelain, it literally doesn’t matter how strong/tough you are, if she’s your friend she’ll always try to be cautious with you. It might seem surprising if you’ve ever seen her with… A victim before, since that’s when she’s at her most brutal, physically. She can switch it up in a heartbeat for you, but don’t forget there’s still that vindictive side to her.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Once again… Making herself physically vulnerable to someone will take time and trust. Especially getting that close. (She remembers the last time she let someone hug her… It didn’t turn out well)

Her hugs are gentle, she seems to be a bit delicate in the way she wraps her arms around you and squeezes just ever so slightly. She’s not always the best at comforting others but she tries. Abby feels a bit bony though so careful of her sharp little elbows.

I = I Love You (How fast do they say the L-Word?)

Abigail loves you before she can even stop herself. Honestly, it’s a 50/50 whether she’s fast or slow to say it. She thinks it over in her head before she says it, like with most things. But those words feel foreign to her; she honestly doesn’t remember if anyone ever told her they loved her. If you say it first, she’ll probably get emotional and say it back immediately. She enjoys saying it to you and hearing it back. It’s a verbal confirmation to her.

Just know you aren’t going back from this if she can help it…

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

… Abigail has a jealousy problem, honestly. Borderline possessive, even. In her mind, if you’re in a committed relationship then you belong to her as much as she belongs to you. That might not be the healthiest, but it can be worked on over time. She can be like this with friends too, she has never really had a friend group so it’s hard for her to adjust to one. In the end, she’s just insecure and afraid you’ll leave her. It can be managed better with some time and communication.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Abigail kisses gentle and soft, whether as a platonic gesture on the head or a romantic one on the lips. She’s a little shy at first, so she visibly blushes afterward. She enjoys it though.

(She might end up leaving lipstick marks behind too… By accident or on purpose? Hmm…)

L = Little Ones (How are they around children)

Abigail’s alright with children as an adult actually. She tends to gravitate towards the quieter, more wallflower types like she was as a kid. She enjoys indulging their curiosity too.

As an aside, children tend to either love her or be afraid of her. Not that she tries to scare them at all, it’s just the way they react to her presence. Especially babies. Just like when she was a kid and she couldn’t hide her true nature as well. It’s a coin toss really.

M = Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

Abigail really has her own day and night cycle… But assuming she’s staying in one place with you closeby, she’ll probably adjust out of necessity.

She isn’t a morning person, I’ll tell you that much. Abby also has wicked bedhair, it’s quite comical. She’ll get up and get herself looking how she wants and probably do breakfast if she needs to. Her go-to is pancakes or cereal, but to be honest she’s been known to skip it.

Abigail really lives her whole life at night. At least it feels that way; the day is just time she spends waiting for the sun to go down. At least the natural lighting helps when it comes to art and studying, and the autumn leaves look nice in the light. That’s basically it though.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

I’ve talked before about her having fun in the graveyard, so I’ll talk about the other stuff.

Mostly, if Abigail is keeping to herself that means she’s doing magic, studying or up to something else you hope won’t backfire… There’s always so much to read and not enough time, so you might have to actually remind her to take a break before she misses both dinner and breakfast the next day.

Long drives at night where she’ll just sit in silence and listen to music. Sometimes she’ll turn off the car and just sit alone in the dark. She thinks a lot during those times. You might never know what about. Abby also likes going to places with music, assuming it’s the kind she likes. She’s pretty selective about it because crowds in any other environment are irritating to her, but basically if they’re playing Sisters of Mercy it’s fine. You’d be surprised by how much she loves dancing too, though you’ve never seen anyone quite move like she does; it’s a bit unnerving. Anyway dance with her, it’ll be fun!

There are times she’ll practically be nocturnal; awake at night and asleep during the day. If you ever wake up in bed and she’s not there, or she’s not in her own bed, it’s probably because she woke up from her dreams again. Late night talks and baking sessions can become a habit if you join her. You might even get a glimpse of what she dreams about.

O = Open (When do they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Hoo boy… Yeah, this girl has some secrets. Vulnerability, in its truest form, is hard for Abigail. It takes a long time for her to really open up. It sometimes comes in short bursts, like she’ll just say something that might feel out of the blue, but really she’s testing the water to see how you’ll react. If you react in a way she deems good it will help a little, but it’s hard to know how you ‘should.’ Both overreactions and ‘underreactions’ are dangerous, she will clam up if she feels she revealed too much too fast.

Sometimes it’s for your sake as well, or at least she believes that. You might think you know her well, but will you ever know her truly? Perhaps not…

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Abigail is typically quite a patient and calm person, at least on the surface. She certainly has… A bit of emotional instability, which really shows in moments of distress, rage or when her ego is hurt. Or sometimes she’s just overwhelmed and stressed by something, which can make her frustrated. She’ll feel pretty bad if she snaps at you and you didn’t deserve it, though. Abby will definitely apologise later because she fears ruining your friendship, but that doesn’t mean she won’t do it again tbh.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Abby prides herself on knowing you well. Like everything you tell her about yourself she carefully stores it away for safekeeping. She kind of studies you, like you’re one of her tomes full of esoteric knowledge or something. Also, if you ever tell her a secret or open up to her about something difficult… She never takes that for granted. She knows herself how hard it can be to make yourself vulnerable to others and trust them in that way, and she would never betray that trust you put in her. She’ll seriously take your secrets to the grave.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in their relationship?)

You were both driving around the pitch black, in the middle of winter when it was snowing heavily. Just listening to music in absolute silence. Just enjoying eachother’s company, admiring the scenery outside, all the ice and snow and the moonless night.

Something about that just struck her as special.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Abigail may not have the physical capability to protect you or shield you from harm, but know that if you’re her friend, she definitely has the means to hurt and torment them. Seriously, you have this sorceress just waiting for someone to fuck up and warrant a punishment. They’ll probably end up dead if she’s pissed off enough… Hope you’re ok with that. You gotta remember she’s a witch after all, and by befriending her you’ve basically made a pact with someone like the devil. She can teach you, if you like.

She’s shocked if you try to do the same with her, but she definitely feels very touched by it. Suffice to say, Abigail has never really had someone try to protect her before. The fact that you think she’s even worth the effort really means a lot.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks)

Dates/outings with Abigail can really depend on how you both feel and what you want to do. It can be anything to a fancy dinner to just driving around aimlessly, she’ll enjoy both. Anniversaries don’t matter to her that much tbh, she appreciates your relationship (platonic or romantic) every day anyway.

Abby likes to help you with different things, especially with cooking because she knows she’s good at that. She kinda has the habit of going passively into orbit around you sometimes, just quietly enjoying your company. It can come off as a bit creepy the way she stares at times honestly… Like she’s tryna leech off your positive vibes

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Um… Aside from the fact that she’s a murderer? And she’s definitely killed innocent people before?? And she’ll probably continue to do so???

A real relationship-killer can be her habit of being so closed off and hiding things. Seriously, it’s a really bad habit, she doesn’t even mean to do it half the time, it’s like she thinks you just don’t need to know, ever. Also some of her jealous and possessive behaviour, I could see that getting out of hand. It needs to be addressed and dealt with immediately while it’s small, or it could become something more insidious… Her idea of what constitutes loyalty is kind of concerning too, because she’d definitely try to get you to do a blood pact tbh. That gets even worse if she takes you on as a student of some kind, because now she needs to make sure you don’t leak her secrets or take advantage of the power she’s bestowed upon you; it’s natural for her to want the upper hand in everything, including your relationship.

Really, there are plenty of reasons why a relationship with Abigail isn’t advisable, too many to list here.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

A little vain, to be honest. Of course she is, she’s a sorceress! Always likes to have her hair in place and her makeup flawless. She feels a bit naked without it.

(Inside she is more insecure, more self-critical of the strange creature she sees when she looks in the mirror. Her lifeless complexion, all of her ugly scars and all the bones jutting out at odd angles. She hides behind her makeup and fancy clothes; it is a kind of spell she casts, an illusion. If she removes it, will you see the real her, the monster? The vile abomination, see the rot and maggots writhing underneath? Will you leave her, then?)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Abigail doesn’t do casual relationships, platonic or romantic. But honestly, sometimes she gets overly attached way too fast, or even projects feelings that aren’t there. She’s the kind to believe in soulmates too. Once you’re in her heart for real, you’re in there forever, until either of you dies.

But this is Abigail we’re talking about here. Even death can’t keep you apart in the end…

X = Xtra: (A random headcanon for them)

Abigail’s attraction to poetry as an art form comes mainly from the fact that she felt like she couldn’t express her feelings to anyone when she was younger. It all comes out in that; a little stereotypical, maybe. She has an easier time writing stuff down instead of saying it sometimes.

If you become her friend/s/o I can see you becoming something of a muse, so expect gifts of artworks she feels are adequate enough. She doesn’t wanna come off as creepy or anything you see, it’s not like she uh watches you constantly or anything…

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

People not respecting her personal space/privacy, those who can’t keep secrets/are gossipy, pressure to open up before she’s ready, cheating, betrayal

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Abigail sleeps like the dead. Once she’s out, she barely moves. She is cold, her heartbeat only faint. Even her breathing slows to an extreme degree. It’s actually slightly unnerving how lifeless she appears. It reminds you that she actually did die, once.

(Taglist: @rottent33th, @slaasherslut, @the-pinstriped-hood, @goldrose-star, @soupbabe, @bluecoolr, @flower-crowned-lady, @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better, @solmints-messyocdiary, @probably-a-plant-thing, @myers-meadow)

#I started this soon after Max’s but I never finished it until now #Abigail Williams #Abigail #alphabet #sfw alphabet #my writing

[autumn-sweet-fae]

I don't think Leon is a himbo? If I may suggest, maybe Leon can't leave as soon to Sinnoh as he hears about Ingo because of the Battle Tower? And rather than getting lost in different regions, he and Hop follow how things develop from Galar until they can leave. Leon tells Hop what he remembers and knows about the twins, including Ingo's disappearance. Once in Sinnoh, they happen upon or intentionally meet Elesa and Emmet. Maybe they get separated from them when the hospital escape happens?

You’re right! He’s not actually a himbo. I think I should have worded that better.

And yeah, he would stick around Galar for a while, to get a better picture of what’s happening. But like the folks in Unova, it’s hard to get a clear idea to what’s actually going on when so much of what’s coming out of Sinnoh paints Ingo as this wicked caricature. So after setting up contact with Sonia and Drayden he and Hop will set out for Sinnoh. I said they’d be lost for ‘two months’ more out of comedic effect, but realistically it would be a few weeks. 

I do still want him and Hop to wonder to the different regions, constantly getting lost and turned around, because 1: This way I’ll have a chance to do fun cameos of characters from other games who are following the story and want to help, and 2: it’s a brother bonding road trip for Hop and Leon! And yes, Leon will tell Hop about Ingo and Emmet both before and during their travels.

I really want to keep them showing up at Spear Pillar mid battle, but I do also see the opportunities of your idea of them arriving in Sinnoh sooner.

Like the dynamic of Hop and Barry would be so cute! Both are the life long rivals of their childhood bff who went on to become the champion. Also both grew up idolizing an incredibly successful family member who seemed unreachable, for Hop his brother and for Barry his dad.

Though the issue is, what role Leon and Hop would play once they are introduced to the plot proper that early? They are both Very strong trainers and I’d rather have the focus stay on the core characters. There’s a power balance I gotta keep and for our heros to have Hop and Leon on their side when the go to rescue Emmet would be too much. Also once they are there I can’t sideline them without good reason because they are both so competent and strong. That’s why I’d prefer to have them show up as the unexpected support in the final act.

#submas wanted au #Leon #hop #emmet #Ingo #Barry #pokemon

[sadi-simps]

Reaction to Harumi's "Death", Dareth's "Brown Powers", Lloyd becoming a leader, etc

Another Ninjago essay lmao

First off, I wanna point out that the season I'm at, called "Hunted", has been very thrilling for me so far. A lot of stuff has happened, I'm still not done. I left off after I finished the episode where Harumi "dies" and "redeems herself" by saving a kid from going through the same thing she did.

In this blog post, I'll talk a bit about that, but I'll save my opinion on Harumi for the end of the post. First, let me just point out something!

Dareth, oh my fucking god, I think he might be my favorite non powered character now! He has been such a genuinely good guy, trying his best! Yes, he fails sometimes, but the fact that he tries so hard, and his loyalty to the ninja hasn't faded, that he keeps trying to help, honestly, this season has done a good job making me like Dareth! He's been a fun character, and I regret hating his guts when I was younger! He's trying his best, and I will never slander him again. :c

Lloyd's speech on air, yeah it was cliche, but it got the point across, and it was a bit moment for him developing into a leader. I'm proud of him, I'm proud of all the ninja. Every time they get pushed down, they get back up with more determination. The kind I wish I had. Maybe I'm projecting on these characters a little bit, and maybe I'm not bringing anything new to the table in this blog post, but I like writing out my thoughts, it's become part of my new therapy. That being said, Ninjago is every bit as inspiring to me in my adulthood as it was when I was a young teenager being emotionally neglected by my family and physically attacked by my younger brother out of nowhere almost daily. I was in a bad situation, and this show helped me endure it all back then. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. This show was my comfort show back then, and it's starting to feel that way again. TuT

Now for the final bit, my feelings about Harumi... Honestly, it was pretty scummy of her to suggest becoming her replacement for Lloyd as Garmadon's child. No matter how hard you try, you can't replace your kids. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't have even suggested such an idea, but then again, I'm not a terrible, vengeful, scummy, abusive peeson like her, and I would never find myself in her shoes to begin with. In her defense, I suppose it might have been a way for her to keep Garmadon from destroying her like he almost did when she "failed him", but it was still a very weird writing choice, and seems like it was intentionally setting groundwork for her to marry Lloyd in the future to be "the daughter-in-law" instead of "adopted". Honestly, it's a very poor writing choice in my opinion because even though they're trying to redeem her as a character, it's not very well done.

1. It only took a couple of episodes, a threat on her life, and a clearly emotionally vulnerable Garmadon for her to change her attitude.

2. Even with that attitude change, it still comes off as manipulative for her to have done that.

3. I don't care what the writers want her to be, they established her as a horrible person in Sons of Garmadon, a redemption arc just doesn't work for this character. Let her stay evil and die for her sins!

And of course, the elephant in the room... Her seeing the "error of her ways". That was such a copout, it was established in Sons of Garmadon that her pain made her WANT others to feel the same pain she felt, and that she DIDN'T CARE about the children. It was literally a "fuck them kids" attitude for her, and for it to change that quickly, that's not good writing, that's just out of character.

Like, yeah, it was a good way for her to die, realizing she was wrong all along, get what you deserve, blah blah blah. But if you wanted her to see the error of her ways in her dying moment, why are all these Twitter spoilers showing her she comes back anyway? It completely defeats the impact of her death.

Ugh... Here I am overanalyzing this show yet again, yes it's a show meant for kids, but Ninjago has been trying to have somewhat serious writing for a long time, and for the most part, it has been great! The writers are clearly capable of writing characters well, but they failed this villain character by trying to redeem her, and it doesn't work. Not only that, but if she and Lloyd get married, it spreads a terrible message to young kids about relationship dynamics and forgiveness.

Some things shouldn't be forgiven.

And this isn't even me being bitter about my "Senpai Lloydkins" finding a girl he likes, this is about me feeling sorry for this character, and maybe projecting my own emotional trauma onto him, but it comes from a place of experience.

I still love this show, and I'm not gonna let a bad pairing ruin it for me, but if I could do things differently, I would have her stay evil.

I know I'm probably being dramatic, but again, it comes from personal experience with both the show and real life situations that left me with severe anxiety and depression.

Thank you for reading this long winded post. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this show... No spoilers please!

#Ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago lloyd #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #screw you harumi #ninjago hunted #ninjago spoilers #princess harumi #mental abuse #female manipulator #ninjago harumi #ninjago dareth #the brown ninja #brown ninja #cartoon #cartoon critic #blog essay #sadi essay #sadi bloodmoon #master of dreams reveal in the future???

[justanisabelakinnie]

Aww man, aww fucking man, I just thought of this today and I hate it. Was thinking about how Camilo was going to be the antagonistic force towards Mirabel instead of Isabela in the early development stages...was thinking about how Isabela is more than absolutely demonized by the fandom due to being the hyperfeminine girly girl who is arrogant and aloof towards our perky and relatable protagonist and so to them she is all too easy to hate and shove into the “mean girl” category in spite of the fact that the movie makes a conscious and in-your-face attempt to subvert this expectation and show her as a multi-faceted character worth sympathizing with even if her ways of dealing with her frustration were still not up to par...and about how if Camilo was the one being a bitch to Mirabel the situation would be TOTALLY different. 

How the fandom would still eat him up just as much as they do now, possibly even more so, how they would bend over backwards to coddle him and excuse his fuckery and recognize him as a three-dimensional person with justifiable reasons for what he did, how “omg poor Camilo is so suffocated by family expectations of course he takes it out on Mirabel!!!” would take precedence over the way that Mirabel would suffer because of his treatment, how people would like Camilo from the start despite or even because of his meanness rather than come to love him once he becomes nicer, how Mirabel would 100% ABSOLUTELY be seen as the one to blame for how Camilo treats her, with fanfics demonizing her as evil or annoying or somehow prompting Camilo’s bad attitude towards her and thus deserving it(the same way they do for Pepa and Bruno and the latter wasn’t even intentionally being antagonistic!), how simps(and proshippers) would absolutely swoon over how much of a bad boi husbando he is, how he’d be loved for all the same reasons that Isabela is hated. 

And it utterly infuriates me. 

I mean the fandom quite literally lost their shit when a comic--ONE COMIC--had Camilo make fun of Mirabel for lacking a gift in like literally one scene because “oh no they demonized the poor boy the real Camilo would never do that he is just too nice!” meanwhile they demonize the female characters for the slightest provocation or even no provocation at all. So try looking me in the eyes and telling me that the fandom wouldn’t pull this shit. 

Fandom misogyny how you been doin’. 

#encanto #encanto fandom #encanto fandom salt #isabela madrigal #isabela my beloved #isabela is best girl #camilo madrigal #mirabel madrigal #pepa madrigal #bruno madrigal #misogyny #fandom misogyny #sexism #fandom sexism #androcentrism #fandom androcentrism #double standards #OH and in the au where this is exactly what's happening and they find out about isabela being the mean one #they go ugh i'd hate her if that were canon she'd be such a bitch #and they'd be right #-_- #female character defense squad #isabela madrigal defense squad #mirabel madrigal defense squad #pepa madrigal defense squad #women of encanto #the girls of encanto deserve better