#but man the plot and some of the characters...

[sabertoothwalrus]

do you think Falin's chimerism would affect her lifespan and behaviors? or just her body? maybe she can make more animalistic noises or has vague dragon-like instincts?

that’s a really good question! I think we could probably figure this out by taking a look at what we know about Falin, what we know about red dragons, whether these things would apply to Falin, and go from there.

The obvious external changes Falin has are: her eyes, her teeth, and her feathers.

It’s hard to pin down what Falin is like! Throughout the duration of the manga, she wasn’t really a character so much as a plot device. We have almost nothing told from her point of view, and the majority of her unbiased (as in, we’re seeing her through a neutral lens and not another character’s perception of her) characterization is from the post-canon omake.

Even Falin believes that her wanderlust might come from her dragon side, but she's not sure. Personally, I think it’d make a lot of sense if it kind of does, in the sense that she has 20/20 vision now, haha! For most of her life, she could probably only see clearly within a relatively small sphere surrounding her, and now she can see everything. She can look up and around freely in a way she couldn’t before. Fuck man, if I had magic lasik I’d probably go out more too.

Some other quirks that are really unclear whether it’s typical for Falin or chimera-influenced:

she enters rooms through windows, sometimes. And given the leaves in her hair, I think it’s reasonable to assume this is not the first floor 💀 But who knows! Maybe that’s not new for Falin.

She points out that Laios’s scent could deter monsters. Maybe she has enhanced smell. But again, it isn’t unreasonable to think this is something she would have said before. (I think even Chilchuck and Izutsumi, whose senses of smell are enhanced, can’t identify scents well. Kuro, however, can.)

VIOLENCE! But again, we’ve seen her beat shit with her staff before, and she also used to wield a flail. It IS a trait for red dragons to fight any large threat, so if anything, she’s got even better monster fighting instincts than before. I don't think this would carry over to people. Falin has always been better with people, and I'm personally not a fan of seeing her depicted as territorial or possessive. Marcille is already the possessive one, and didn't need dragon blood to be like that.

Ultimately, I don't think her dragon traits extend much farther beyond this. Especially when you consider How Little the dragon is represented as in her conscience.

it's not like it's a 50/50 split. She's like a person with a dragon ratatouille. I don't think she'd be able to make dragon noises. I don't think her body is built for that. I know there's like, a set list of tropey characteristics that are given to almost every non-human character in fiction. and sure that's FINE but they tend not to be especially personalized to the character, and tend to just be an excuse to write them OOC. Like, sure, dragons may have instincts regarding sleep habits, hunting, courting, raising young, etc etc, but so do humans! And we don't compulsively act on every instinctual whim we have. I don't see why it'd be any harder for her new dragon instincts.

If anything, I think she'd feel more affected by the fact that she has part of the demon in her.

I don't think Falin's in any sort of trouble. All the demon was was a way to communicate with people. Here, it's representing Falin's tether to the infinite realm, to mana itself. The winged lion no longer has the desire to consume anymore because, yknow, Laios has that now. This is very likely why she no longer needs to chant to cast magic.

But what else does this mean for her? She already had unusually high reserves of mana + an innate connection with spirits, but is her mana essentially limitless now? How would that affect her lifespan? I'm leaning towards, it wouldn't really?? But is she immune to mana sickness now? Is it more like her magic is just sort of amplified like it would be in a dungeon?

We can infer that having more mana doesn't increase your lifespan, because-- while elves and gnomes have both naturally high levels of mana and longer lifespans-- dwarves live longer but have lowest levels of mana of all.

So to answer your question! Maybe a little bit?? But I don't think she'd change a whole lot.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #long post #falin touden #laios touden #chilchuck tims #marcille donato #my art #comic

[anurarana]

Every time someone calls Falin not a full-fledged character, or just a plot device, or whatever, I honestly get so annoyed. If you can make up a whole personality and backstory for some random man in any other story, let me be obsessed with a woman the the entire narrative is literally centered around!! She is so interesting and I love her shut up shut up shut up

#you might think I'm straw manning if you haven't seen this talk bc farcille is so popular #but I'm taking falin in her own right how can people not look at her and instantly become fascinated with her #yes falin icon blah blah blah but am so serious about this I am so tired #dungeon meshi #even in a fandom where people actually care about the women I still have to deal with this she is not just a pretty set piece

[petr1kov]

now taking a break of talking about my little man to actually address the game: it looks pretty amazing so far. melinoë plays much differently from zagreus, which was a welcome change - it feels fresh and new instead of just a rehash.

the new characters are really good too. with all due respect, i'm finding melinoë more compelling than zagreus as a protagonist. she has a lot more pressure on her shoulders and is still quite naive about the world and her circumstances. she's more serious and subdued and has a lot of space to grow in the game as she learns, i think.

but i think the most interesting part of it so far is that from some of the dialogues i've seen, the war against chronos may not be as black and white as it first appears. chronos will still probably be a douchebag but they're also putting a lot of time in showing us that, to the mortals, the gods might be worse than he is.

some mortals are siding with him to bring back a 'golden age', a time which aphrodite described being boring because 'nothing happened' (meaning, it was a lot more peaceful). nemesis also straight up states that mortals had it better when chronos ruled compared to now, and appears conflicted over that, saying that maybe what happened to them was their long overdue comeuppance.

and there is, of course, arachne, who is the most vocal about mistrusting the gods ever since she was cursed by athena, and unlike sisyphus, orpheus, achilles and dusa, who were all punished by gods but gracefully resigned to their roles and accepted their fates to the best of their abilities until zagreus intervened, arachne hates what was done to her and suffers because of it even now. she remains a friend to melinoë, but her discomfort with how she's being aided by the olympians does not go away, at least for now.

aside from all of that, hecate and odysseus are plotting something that involves 'attacking olympus', which seems to disturb melinoë until hecate corrects herself to say 'attack, defend... all the same'. so really, i'm curious to see where they're taking all of this.

#hades 2 #hades game #also i've been talking a lot about hypnos because he's my favorite little guy since the first game but everyone was mean to him there :/ #so i'm glad he's getting that nice treatment on the second one. so far 😐

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 34: Anything

You're left behind in Jackson when Joel goes on overnight patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-33 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Smut :). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 9.2k

A/N: We are heading into the final arc of Yearling and we are going to see some TLOU 2 OVERLAP again. There isn't any this chapter but there will be in this arc and here's how: a character from that game will be mentioned as will the spoiler-y incident from a few chapters ago. What happens plot wise in this arc is completely separate from the game and entirely original content BUT there is that character overlap and more specific mentions of the incident and the motives behind it. If you're trying to go in blind to season 2, it might be wise to step back. Feel free to send me a DM, I'm happy to answer any and all questions!

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter

September, 2013

The gunshot made you jump. 

It was distant but sharp, the crack jarring against the quiet of your cabin. Marisa’s head shot up from her book, a frown on her face in the flickering firelight. 

“Was that…” 

“Shhh,” you sat up from where you’d been lying against her, held a hand out to her, ear perked and listening. Another crack, a little louder this time. You set your book down and went to the front window, drawing the curtains and pinning them shut so no light from the fire would slip through. 

“What…” 

“Stay here,” you said, your heart pounding as you got your rifle off the wall. 

“You’re not going out there!” She shot up, her eyes wide. 

“Not gonna sit here and wait for whoever that is to show up at our door,” you replied, grabbing a flashlight, too. 

“Well, I’m going with you,” she said, going to get her gun, too. 

“No,” you said, grabbing a saddle bag with ammunition and turning to face her. 

“Yes, I am,” she narrowed her eyes at you but there was a tremble of fear in her voice, her rifle clutched tightly in her hand. 

“No,” you said quietly, reaching out and gently taking her face in your hand. “You’re not. You’re staying here to look after Savannah…” 

“But what if something happens to you?” Her eyes searched yours, wide and frantic. “You’re her mom, not me. I can’t be that for her like that, just… stay here, we’ll figure it out if they find us just…” 

“Not lettin’ them that close to the two of you, baby,” you said, brushing your thumb over the arch of her cheekbone. You kissed her gently. Her eyes were wet. “I’ll be back soon. But… if I’m not, take care of Savannah for me.” 

You didn’t wait for a response, going to jump on Nike, not bothering with a saddle. You were too afraid to take the time, you had to protect the people who had become your home. You couldn’t lose them, you couldn’t let anyone take them away, you had to make sure they were safe. 

There was another gunshot and you followed the sound, your heart racing, eventually finding a man with two infected nearly ripping him apart. You shot them quickly, the man’s fearful gasps loud in the night. 

“Fuck,” he panted as you turned on the flashlight, shining it around the nearby forest. You caught a glimpse of another infected on the ground about 20 feet away before turning the light on him. He was limp on the ground, his eyes wide. “I think I’m bit, I think… I think they got me.” 

You knelt beside him and looked at his exposed skin. There was a vicious bite on his hand, the flesh already looking sick and wrong and so like Justin’s bite all those years ago. 

You sighed. 

“Yeah, you are. I can make it quick for you, if you’d like. Can’t let you leave here, though. You can wait ’til you turn, if you’d rather.” 

He blinked a few times, staring up at the dark canopy of trees as moonlight filtered through the leaves. 

“Just do it,” he said, turning his eyes to you, cocking his head slightly. “Is it just you out here?” 

“Kind of,” you said. “Got my girlfriend, my daughter. No one else, though.” 

He looked back to the sky and nodded. 

“That’s good,” he said. “It’s hard, being alone. Been alone for a few months now, wife got bit back in June. Should’ve just ended it then, don’t know why I waited this long.” 

You nodded slowly. You understood that. You stood up again, rifle in your hand. The man’s eyes were still wide, looking up at the trees. 

“Here OK?” You asked. “Might be able to get you somewhere you can see the sky…” 

“No point,” he said, still staring up. “Just do it.” 

His eyes refocused, looking at you. 

“And thank you. Know it’s not easy.” 

You aimed the gun at his head and he went back to looking at the trees. 

“I’m sorry it’s endin’ like this,” you said. “Hope you get to be with your wife again.” 

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Me too.” 

You took a deep breath, pulled the trigger and he was gone. 

You stayed for a little while after, waiting to see if there were any clickers that would come for the noise you’d been making but none showed up. You realized you didn’t even know the man’s name. You were the last person he spoke to and you didn’t know his name. 

You cleaned the blood off your hands as best you could and made your way back home, Nike moving slowly through the trees and you didn’t rush her. When you opened the door, Marisa damn near knocked you down, you barely catching her as she threw herself at you. 

“You’re OK,” her voice was thick and wet and she clung to you for a moment before pulling back to look in your eyes. “I was so scared, I heard more gunshots, I didn’t know…” 

“I’m sorry, baby,” you said gently, kissing her, her lips plush and soft on yours. “Didn’t mean to scare you…” 

You got cleaned up and took her to bed and made her come on your fingers before she had to swallow the desperate sounds of your orgasm to keep from waking the baby. You held her close after, telling her what happened in the forest, that you’d go bury the body in the morning and do a check for infected, that she was safe here with you. 

“I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met,” she said quietly, toying with your fingers, her breath warm on your skin as she lay her head on your chest.

You scoffed. 

“Don’t feel very brave. I was scared shitless the whole time, thought my damn heart was going to beat out of my chest.” 

“Oh baby,” she whispered, adjusting so her face was over yours, the light of the moon making her dark skin glow. “That’s what makes you brave, that you’re scared and you do it anyway. You don’t let the fear own you. That’s why you’re going to make it through all this, I just know it.” 

You hummed, not really agreeing or disagreeing, just wanting her close again. She rested her head on your chest again and you gave her a squeeze, focusing on how she felt against you as she fell asleep. 

It didn’t really matter if it was bravery or not, you supposed. If it kept the people you loved most alive, you could push past the fear. Life wouldn’t matter without them, you would do anything if it meant it would protect them. 

Anything. 

May, 2028

“No way.” 

You cleaned the last of the gunk out from Shimmer’s back left hoof and set the pick down. 

“Bambi,” Ellie drew out your hame, whining it. “Please? I swear, I’ll owe you forever…” 

“I am not coming out to your dad for you,” you grabbed the file. “Absolutely not.” 

“But…” 

“Ellie,” you looked up to her as she perched on a stall in the barn. “No. That’s not something you just do for someone else. If you want Joel to know you’re gay you need to be the one to tell him, I can’t do that for you.” 

“But why not!” She pouted. “You already know and you get it and you can help him get it and…” 

“I’ll help you do it,” you cut her off. “I can be there when you tell him, I can intervene if he reacts badly - which he won’t - but I’m not doing it for you.” 

“That’s bullshit,” she huffed. “I don’t want to tell him…” 

“Then don’t,” you shrugged, finishing filing the hoof down and getting the next horseshoe ready to go on. “Live the rest of your life in the closet if that’s what you want to do.” 

“But that’s not what I want.” 

“Then tell him,” you shrugged again. “Those are your options, kiddo, hate to break it to you.” 

“You know, straight people don’t have to come out,” she kicked at the stall post. “This is dumb.” 

“That I can agree with,” you said. “But, unfortunately, that’s not the way the world works. If you want to be out, you need to come out. It sucks but that’s the way of things.” 

Ellie sighed and crossed her arms, leaning her head on the post at her back. 

“Do you really think I should?” She asked. 

You shrugged. 

“I think you have a father who loves you more than life itself,” you said. “And I think he’s also a man who has proven that he really does not care what a person’s sexuality is, given that he’s married to me. I think you should do what feels right but you should know that Joel is going to love you to pieces regardless.” 

She sighed again. 

“You’re right…” 

“Usually am.” 

She glared at you before going back to staring straight ahead. 

“I just don’t know why I’m so freaked out about it.” 

You shrugged.

“It’s a big deal. You’re telling him ‘hey this person you think I am? I’m actually different than that.’ It’s hard.” 

She considered you for a moment. 

“Did you come out to your parents?” She asked. 

You laughed. 

“No, I did not,” you said. “Never had the chance. I would have eventually, I think. But I was about your age when the world ended and it felt a lot safer to hide it from my parents when I was that age. I lived far away and they weren’t as… open to other ideas as Joel is.” 

Ellie scoffed. 

“I mean it,” you said. “They had a hard enough time handling the fact that I wanted to get thrown off horses for a living. They’d have had a hell of a time understanding why I was bringing a girl home for dinner. You know Joel ain’t that way. All he cares about is that you’re safe and happy. Everything else don’t really matter.” 

You finished shoeing Shimmer and set her hoof down. She twitched her tail and chuffed in response. 

“Can you at least tell Joel you gave me…” She scrunched her nose in disgust. “The talk?” 

You laughed a little. 

“Yeah, that I can do,” you said. “I’ll tell him I told you everything you need to know. Which is be smart about who you take your clothes off with and if a man ever tries anything, cut his dick off.” 

She barked a laugh. 

“Yeah, that I can handle,” she said. “I can’t believe he thought someone needed to talk to me about sex…” 

You were less surprised about that fact than Ellie, but then, you had the full context. 

You’d been watching Savvy and Kyle from what you hoped was a respectful distance, giving her the chance to fall for a boy in the way you always wanted her to be able to. But there was the other part of that, too. You knew what teenagers were like and, while Savvy knew about sex, you’d never given her the sex talk in the context of her being around boys. She had questions about seeing animals mating when she was a girl and you’d answered them and explained that humans worked much the same way. She’d scrunched her face in disgust and you laughed a little, not bothering to tell her that, one day, that was going to be damn near all she was interested in doing. 

But that had come with the knowledge that, in all likelihood, it would be years - if not decades - before she even had the opportunity to find someone she wanted to do that with. You figured you’d update things as she got older or when there was a person she was interested in. 

Now, the time had come. You just weren’t sure how ready you were for that. You’d gone to Joel for advice about it, feeling like you were flying particularly blind in this arena. 

“Shit, baby, been a long time since I’ve had that conversation,” he said as he traced abstract little patterns over your bare skin. “Tryin’ to even remember how I brought it up with Sarah now… My face was burnin’ up the whole time, that much I know.” 

“There were perks to being hermits,” you sighed, pressing yourself closer to him. “Didn’t have to worry about my kid getting knocked up as a teenager for one.” 

“Mmm,” Joel hummed in agreement. “Least she has boys to flirt with now.” 

“You say that like it’s a good thing,” you muttered but smiled against his skin all the same. 

“I can talk to her with you if you think it’ll help,” he said. 

“Let me give it a shot on my own,” you sighed. “See if she will actually listen to me. If she doesn’t, I’ll call in the reinforcements.” 

Savvy had, mercifully, been at least open to the conversation. 

“I already know this stuff, Mom,” she’d rolled her eyes, arms crossed as she sat on the couch.

“You know the biology of it,” you said. “But it’s… different. You’re older now, there are going to be feelings you have that you want to act on…” 

“Ugh!” She buried her face in the arm of the couch. “Please don’t!” 

“You’re young,” you said. “Too young to really understand the risks. Do you feel like you’re ready to raise a child?” 

“No!” She pulled her head up. “Obviously not!” 

“Then you shouldn’t be having sex right now,” you shrugged. “That’s the risk. Not to mention that there are a lot of emotions that come up when you do that with someone, it can complicate relationships and you’re too young to figure that out on your own…” 

“I’m not a baby,” she practically scowled at you. “I can handle emotions!” 

“I’m not saying you can’t,” you said gently. “I’m saying that adult relationships are complicated for adults and, as grown up as you might think you are, you’re still a kid. I understand that you might want to feel close with someone and, honestly, there’s not much I can do to stop you. But I want you to understand what you’re risking if you go that route and I want you to not let anyone pressure you into it, even if it’s someone you care about. OK?” 

“Alright, jeez!” She groaned. “Can we stop talking now? Please?” 

After that conversation, though, Joel became worried about how much time Ellie was spending with Jesse. 

“Never really thought about what she did or didn’t learn in the QZ,” Joel said gruffly that night when it was just the two of you. “What if she don’t know how to keep herself safe?” 

“I don’t think you have much to worry about,” you said, trying to avoid telling Joel exactly why he didn’t need to worry. 

“Would you be OK talkin’ with her for me?” He’d winced as he asked it. “Feel like you’re her mom, think she’d be a little more… receptive to it coming from another woman.” 

You’d said yes more to buy time than anything else. 

You weren’t thrilled about the idea of lying to your husband but you could tap dance around the truth of it well enough. At least, that’s what you were telling yourself. 

“While you’re trying to decide whether or not you want to tell your dad,” you said, getting up to lead Shimmer to her stall. “Think I’m going to call in that favor you owe me…” 

“What favor?” She demanded. “You’re not telling him for me!” 

“No,” you shook your head. “But I’m also not telling him that I didn’t give you the talk and he needs to do it himself…” 

“Jesus…” 

“So,” you continued. “Can I ask you to keep a closer eye on Savvy while Joel is out on patrol the next few days? She’s still… more comfortable talking with him than with me. Want to make sure she’s doin’ OK…” 

“Of course I will,” she said, relaxing a little. “You know, I still think…” 

“Ellie.” 

“I’m just saying!” She said. “I know she’s doing her best to move past shit, she really is, but it would be a lot easier if she knew what she was actually moving past, that’s all I’m saying.” 

“She’s getting there,” you said, giving Shimmer a scratch. “You don’t understand this yet but it’s hard when you know you can’t protect your child from everything. I can protect her from this.” 

“Whatever you say,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m going to the mess hall. As far as Joel knows, you’ve talked to me, right?” 

“Right,” you said. “Feel free to act all awkward and lay it on real thick…” 

“Alright, bye,” she rolled her eyes and stalked off and you laughed, watching her leave. 

It was good to see Ellie acting like she normally did. You knew she was worried about Joel going out on a longer patrol, too.

You were trying not to panic about it. It was time. Consciously, you knew that. He was ready for it, his body as healed as it would ever be. He still had a bit of a limp - one you knew he tried to disguise when he thought you were watching - but he was fully capable. You’d seen it on patrol with him the two times you’d gone, the second one thankfully far less eventful than the first. 

He’d since gone out just him and Tommy, never going too far from Jackson. It still made you nervous, even though he always came back whole and well. You always clung to him when he got back and he let you, holding you against him, a hand running soothingly up and down your spine as he did. 

But this was his first overnight patrol. He was going to be gone for a few days on a route that had been calm lately, you knew you didn’t have much reason to worry. That didn’t make it much easier. 

“What’s got those wheels turnin’?” 

Joel’s voice made you jump as you brushed Shimmer down in her stall. He was leaning against the entrance to the stable, arms crossed over his broad chest as he watched you, his denim shirt rolled up to his elbows. 

“Who said they were?” You asked, giving the horse a final brush before leaving the stall and walking up to your husband, your own arms crossed over your chest. He smiled and quirked his jaw, shaking his head ever so slightly. “What brings you here, cowboy?” 

“Tryin’ to get my wife all to myself for a bit,” he said. “Think I can entice you away from the mess hall for the evening?” 

“I dunno,” you stepped closer. “What’d you have in mind?” 

He shrugged. 

“Just have to see.” 

You laughed, dropping your arms and the pretense. 

“Lead the way.” 

He draped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you in to kiss your temple before walking slowly back to your house. When you stopped to think about it, it still struck you as funny that it was your house and that you thought of it that way and not as Joel’s place. But you did, it was the place you’d made your life together, feeling more like you belonged here than you had almost anywhere else you had ever lived. 

When you got in the door, there was a small bouquet of wildflowers in a glass in the middle of the kitchen table, a table that was set for dinner for two. You looked at him, brows raised in surprise. 

“What’s this?” 

He shrugged, a sly smile on his face. 

“Wanted a night in with my girl. Might have talked my way into a steak or two. Think you take yours… medium rare, right?” 

“Yeah,” you laughed. “I do.” 

“Well,” he pulled you in for a long, deep kiss. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and when you’re done, there’ll be a medium-rare steak waitin’ here for ya.” 

“Think I can be convinced,” you smiled against his mouth before kissing him again. “Feel like you’re butterin’ me up or something here…” 

“Just tryin’ to make sure you remember why you’re married to me while I’m gone,” he said. “Try to keep you from getting too fed up with my shit…” You laughed and he smiled. “Go on so I can get this going, you’re too distracting standing this close.” 

You rolled your eyes but obeyed, going to shower and, instead of putting on jeans or sweats after, finding one of the dresses in your closet, one that Joel had never seen you in. You got your wet hair out of the way and went downstairs again, strangely aware of how the dress hugged your curves. 

Joel’s back was to you when you came in but the plates were on the table, steak and green beans and a pile of fresh potato chips on each one. 

“Are you kidding me?” You gaped at them. “You realize we’re already married, right? You don’t have to try this hard.” 

“Like tryin’ hard for you,” he turned around, glasses in hand, and his mouth fell open, blinking a few times in surprise. “Hot damn, baby…” 

“Shocking, know,” you smirked. 

“I ever tell you you’re the most beautiful goddamn thing I’ve ever seen?” He asked, setting a glass down at your place. “Now, let me feed you before I change my mind and try to pull that dress off right here in the kitchen.” 

Joel really did grill a mean steak. He’d even made the two of you whiskey cocktails with a recipe he’d gotten from Julie and, by the time dinner was done, you were pleasantly tipsy and full. 

“Where did you get the flowers?” You asked, trailing your fingertips over the tiny white blooms. 

“Might have gone outside for a bit,” he winced a little. You raised your eyebrows. “Not far, the kids in town sneak out that way all the time…” 

“Wait, what?” You gaped at him, practically jumping out of your seat. 

“Not Savvy and not Ellie,” he said quickly and you settled. “Made sure they know better. But lot of the other kids do. S’pretty out that way, have to take you sometime. Still owe you a trip to the lake. But, in the mean time…” he got up and offered you his hand, pulling you to your feet. “I’ve got someplace to take you tonight.” 

He led you to the living room, a nest of pillows and blankets and sleeping bags set up in front of the TV. 

“Just one second…” he turned the TV on, the opening sepia toned shot from Titanic on the screen. 

“Joel!” You gasped. “Where’d you even get this?” 

“Asked around,” he smiled. “Would’ve gone and hunted it down just to see you get all excited though.” 

You elbowed him lightly in the side and he laughed as the two of you settled into the pile on the floor, you in Joel’s arms with your head on his chest as his fingers trailed up and down the bare skin of your arm. 

The movie was just as good as the last time you’d seen it with Joel. Better, really, because you got to watch it pressed completely against his broad, strong body. But you could only really pay attention so long, twisting in his hold so you were looking at him and not the screen. 

“Know it ain’t exactly a date like before,” he said softly. “But… I do OK?” 

“Oh you blew past OK a while ago,” you laughed a little and he smiled. “This was… thank you, Joel.” 

“Course, baby,” he trailed his fingers over the outline of your face. “Gonna miss you when I’m out there.” 

“You could just not go,” you said. “Don’t think anyone’s holdin’ a gun to your head about it…” 

He laughed once, softly. 

“I know,” he said. “But… I do appreciate you lettin’ me go. I know it ain’t easy for you. Don’t blame you for it. But I’m feeling a lot more like myself since I’ve been patrollin’ again. I feel useful. I missed it. Thank you for letting me find that again.” 

Your eyes searched his. You couldn’t really argue that with him, not when he was being so damn open and honest about it. 

“Just need you to come home to me,” you said quietly. “You can have and do whatever you want, long as you come home.” 

“Long as you’re here to come home to?” He said. “I’m comin’ home. Every time.” 

He kissed you, gentle at first but deepening, until he was shoving your skirt around your waist and pulling your underwear down your legs. He sank into you, slow and firm, his breaths heavy and hot on your skin. You sank your fingers into is skin, holding him close and tight and the worries you had about clutching onto him too hard were far away. 

Joel kept his pace, his body so large and strong on top of and inside of yours. You could feel his heartbeat, his eyes locked on your own and you focused on how close he was to you, how you knew he was safe and whole like this. How you knew he wouldn’t lie to you, that he would do everything to come back home to you. Your body got tight and needy, the heat inside you pulling into the center of you and burning hotter and brighter with every desperate stroke. 

“You’re gettin’ close baby,” he pressed his mouth into your throat, nipping at the tender flesh there before soothing it with a brush of his tongue and a kiss. “Want you to come for me. Love makin’ you feel good, fuckin’ live for it…” 

“Promise it’s not the last time,” your voice was tight, too, the intensity of your orgasm crashing into the fear that you couldn’t seem to shake. 

“Promise,” he pulled back from you enough to look in your eyes again, his large hand coming to cradle the crown of your head. “Nothing’s keepin’ me from you, baby, nothin’, it’s OK, it’ll be OK, promise it will…” 

Your back arched, last ounces of tension gripping you for a moment before releasing in a forceful, desperate wave. 

“Fuck, there you are,” Joel panted, fucking you through it, never easing, chasing his own orgasm through yours. “Feel so good, so goddamn good, fuck, that’s it, keep comin’ for me, know you can…” 

As your own orgasm started to ease, his took hold, pressing himself deep inside and emptying himself into you there. 

Joel pulled himself from your fucked out body with a groan and collapsed beside you, immediately pulling you tightly to him as you gasped short, shaky breaths. 

“You’re OK,” he said gently, still breathing heavy himself. “I’ve got you, s’alright…” 

You buried your face in his neck and fought to catch your breath, focusing on his scent and the feel of him against your skin. 

“I’m sorry,” you said eventually. “I thought I was stronger than this but ever since… I can’t stop thinking about how close I came to never seeing you again and I just…” 

“I know,” he said gently, pulling away from you enough that you could see his face. “I know how you’re feeling. I feel it, too. But I need you to know that I mean it when I say I’m comin’ back. I am, baby.” 

You just nodded and focused on the feeling of him tracing the outline of your face in the dim light of the TV, his body close beside your own. He pressed a soft kiss into your lips, holding you closer as he did and staying close after he pulled away, so close that his nose brushed yours. You stayed like that, not bothering to turn to watch the movie let alone put in the second tape when the first one ended. Instead, you just memorized how he felt against you, how his eyes looked into your own, how his fingers found their familiar paths along your skin. 

You weren’t sure when you fell asleep but you were still entangled with him in the morning, his forehead against yours, his breaths easy and deep in sleep. You ran your fingers through his graying curls and his face tensed a little in his sleep before he adjusted, sliding down your body to bury his face against your chest. You just stroked his hair and held him there, the early morning light becoming pink with the sun. 

When you couldn’t avoid it any longer, you woke him reluctantly and the two of you made your way to the stables, your body tucked against his. He gave you a squeeze before separating from you, the two of you working together to get the horses ready to head out on patrol. You walked with the patrol to the front gate, Joel leading his horse by the reins instead of riding him so he could hold your hand on the way. 

“Be safe,” you said quietly as he faced you, every other horse on the other side of the wall now. 

“Promise,” he said gently, his large hand going to the back of your neck and holding you at just the right angle to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “Take care of yourself and our girls. Gimme somethin’ to come home to, OK?” 

You smiled a little. Like something was going to happen in Jackson. 

“Promise.” 

You watched the patrol leave until they were out of sight, trying to calm the thudding of your heart as you headed for the stable to get started on all the work for the day. 

You’d purposely set yourself up for a busy few days with Joel gone. If you were occupied, your mind couldn’t wander. So you focused on training horses. 

It was the hardest part of your job but also the part you liked the most. You had to concentrate on it otherwise you’d get thrown. The horse could always tell when you were distracted, if you gave them an inch they would take a mile at this stage. 

You were finally thinking about finishing up for the day, the sun low in the sky and your back sore after getting nearly thrown off a horse more times than you cared to count when Ellie and Savvy wandered into the stable, giggling to each other as they made their way over to you. 

You took a moment to fully appreciate what they were to each other. You’d always felt bad for Savvy, having just you in the world, no one closer to her own age to bond with. Now, she and Ellie were attached at the hip, sharing the kind of bond you’d always longed to have with the sister who had never materialized, no matter how much you begged your parents for one. Both of them meant so much to you, the whole of the future wrapped up in them. You had survived a lot to get to this point, horrors you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, but you’d do it all again to see these two girls find sisterhood in each other. Conspiratorial whispers and knowing laughs and deep love was everything you wanted for your daughter and she had found it here. 

“Terrified to know what this is about,” you half smiled as they walked over.. 

“Why does it have to be about something?” Ellie rolled her eyes. “What if we just wanted to come say hi.” 

“Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two stop by to just say hi,” you said. “So that would be highly suspect. What do you want?” 

“Can we go spend the night at Dina’s?” Savvy asked, the words all spilling out of her at once. “I promise we’ll behave and…” 

“Dina’s?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at Ellie. 

“Yeah, my friend Dina’s,” she gave you a firm look as she said it. 

“And what will you be doing at Dina’s?” You asked, turning your attention back to Savvy. 

“Just hanging out with some friends,” she said. 

“Any boys?” You asked. 

“No,” Ellie said quickly. “Mostly some of the girls who just finished up school and the girls who are about Savvy’s age, nothing crazy…” 

“Please Mom?” Savvy interrupted her. “It’s going to be so fun and I haven’t done anything like this before but I’ve read about it and it sounds so cool and I really want to go and…” 

“And Dina’s sister will be there?” You asked Ellie, who perked up at the question. 

“Yeah,” Ellie said. “And she doesn’t let Dina get away with shit…” 

“You do realize that you’re 18 and I can’t do a damn thing to stop you, right?” You said to Ellie. “Adults don’t need to ask their moms for permission.” 

“I know,” Ellie said. “But so is Dina. And it’ll be more fun if Savvy can go. I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise.” 

You looked between them, Savvy looking more happy and open with you than she had in months, so like how she used to look at you when asking for something when she was small. Her eyes were so wide and hopeful and you couldn’t say no, not when she was looking at you like that. 

“Alright,” you sighed. Savvy squealed. “But you have to behave. Savvy, no drinking. If there are boys, you come home. No doin’ stupid shit like climbing buildings…” 

“Oh that was like one time!” Ellie protested but you silenced her with a look. 

“And I expect everything to stay PG,” you finished. 

Ellie frowned. 

“What the fuck does PG mean?” 

You shook your head a little, some things still surprising you about how different the world was, even after all these years. 

“It’s a saying from before,” you said. “Means make sure whatever you do, it’s family friendly. That means if you say you and Dina are friends, you act like friends.” 

“We are friends,” Ellie rolled her eyes. 

“Oh sure,” Savvy drew out the last word, laughing. “I always want to kiss my friends…” 

Ellie elbowed her and she laughed harder before quieting down. 

“We won’t cause any trouble,” Ellie said. “Promise.” 

“You two have fun,” you said. “And come by the stable in the morning so I know you’re still alive.” 

“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes, nudging a giddy Savvy toward the door. 

“Thank you, Mom!” Savvy called, giving you a wave as Ellie urged her outside. 

You just laughed and watched until you couldn’t see them anymore before taking your time getting everything set for the night. Your house would be empty overnight for the first time since you’d gotten married. You hadn’t slept without Joel beside you in months, you weren’t in a rush to get home and feel his absence there. But, after a while, you couldn’t stall anymore. You made your way to the mess hall, already mostly empty, but found Maria there with William next to her. She smiled and waved you over and you joined them, sitting across the table as William crashed a carved moose and deer into each other, complete with sound effects. 

“See you’re putting off being home, too,” she said, putting one hand in the middle of William’s back. 

“Yeah, well,” you sighed. “That’s a damn big house for one person.” 

She smiled tightly, knowingly.

“It’s always hard, thinking about them out there like that,” she said. “But this one feels harder.” 

“Yeah,” you said, laughing once, darkly. “It really does.” 

“Hey Aunt Bambi,” William looked up from his toys, his brown eyes reminding you of Joel’s. There was so much of the Miller men in his face it made your heart ache. “Did you know that moose are the biggest deer sp…sp…” he frowned and looked up at his mom. 

“Species,” Maria finished for him before looking over at you. “He’s been obsessed with that carving ever since Joel gave it to him for Christmas so we’ve been learning about moose…” 

“Well, moose are pretty cool,” you said knowingly. 

“I want to see one,” he said. “Mommy says I can’t ride it but I bet I could ride it.” 

You tried really hard not to laugh, William’s springy curls bouncing as he looked down at the carving in his chubby hand. 

“I don’t think ridin’ it would be a good idea,” you said. “They’re big, could be very dangerous. But they are neat to see.” 

“They’re not dangerous,” he frowned. “I bet we would be friends, just because they are big doesn’t mean they’re dangerous…” 

“OK let’s I’d rather not think about you riding a moose,” Maria rolled her eyes. “We can start with seeing one from afar once you’re older.” 

He just sighed heavily, as though the weight of the world were on his small shoulders, and went back to playing with the carvings. 

“I remember when Savvy was that age,” you smiled a little. “She was all about horses, though…” 

“Wonder where she got that from,” Maria smiled back. 

The three of you were the last to leave the mess hall, the clean up team heading to the kitchens  before you started heading out. 

“You’re welcome to come over if you don’t want to be at home,” Maria said, carrying William as he started to fall asleep on her shoulder. “Our door is always open…” 

“Thanks but I need to bite the bullet,” you sighed. “If Joel’s going out on longer patrols again, I need to get used to spending some nights home alone.” 

“Well, the offer still stands,” she said. “As long as you don’t mind my kid babbling to you about moose, apparently.” 

You laughed a little. 

“He can babble to me about whatever he wants,” you said. 

You parted ways and walked around Jackson for a few minutes before heading for the barn where the dogs were kenneled overnight, leaving a note on the log and taking Gatling from her designated place. She trailed behind you home, happy to be under your control again, and you fell asleep with her curled up against your stomach. 

It was a relief to start the next day. You were halfway through your days with Joel outside, not sure if he was safe, too far away for you to see our touch. You could do one more night. You brought Gatling back to her kennel before heading to the stables and getting to work.

The girls came by in the late morning, both looking exhausted but otherwise OK. 

“We’re going to go home and take a nap,” Ellie said, talking for Savvy who was staring straight ahead, looking dazed. “But we’ll be in the mess hall at lunch…” 

“Go sleep before you fall over,” you smiled and shook your head. “Fill me in on everything later.” 

Ellie steered Savvy out of the stable and you laughed a little. Savvy had friends, friends she was staying up all night with. It was everything you wanted for her, watching her grow up both beautiful and sad, thinking she would never have friends like this. 

The girls beat you to the mess hall, their backs to the door you came in, their heads together, talking conspiratorially. 

“She can’t know,” Ellie said quietly. “She’d freak out…” 

“We can handle it,” Savvy said, quiet but sharp. 

“Handle what?” You asked, making both of them jump, their eyes going wide. They looked at each other quickly and you frowned. “Girls. Handle what.” 

“Nothing,” Ellie said quickly. Savvy was looking at you with a strange expression on her face. “Just… there’s a girl we know, this guy is being a dick. I think we can handle it without talking to her because I think if she knew it’d just be extra shitty.” 

You frowned. 

“Not gonna go pick a fight, are you? Because…” 

“No,” she said. “Not picking a fight.” 

“OK,” you said, still uncertain. “But I think…” 

“Actually, Bambi, if it’s OK, we’re just going to head out,” Ellie said, cutting you off. “We got here early and I need to go bug Jesse about something.” 

“Alright,” you frowned, looking between the two of them. “Are y’all sure everything is OK? Because…” 

“It’s fine,” Ellie said before you could finish. “Right, Savvy?” 

“Yeah,” she said, still looking at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place. Part of it like she didn’t know you at all. “It’s OK.” 

“Alright,” you didn’t really believe either of them. “Look, if this boy is a serious problem…” 

“Nothing like that,” Ellie cut you off again. “C’mon, Savvy.” 

She got up and took Savvy’s hand, pulling her to her feet, too. 

“Where can I find you two later,” you said. “Because…” 

“We’ll be home,” Ellie said. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.” 

She started pulling Savvy along behind her but Savvy just stayed where she was, her feet planted, eyes locked on you. 

“Are you sure you’re OK?” You asked, brows knitting together. “If there’s anything you want to talk about…” 

Savvy threw her arms around your waist, catching you totally by surprise, burying her face in your shoulder. You slowly, cautiously, put your arms around her, too, just holding her for a moment. It was so foreign yet familiar, so long since she’d latched onto you like this but holding her one of the only things it felt like you’d been made to do. 

“You can always talk to me,” you said softly, running your hand over the back of her mass of curls and pressing a kiss to her temple. “About anything, I’m always here for you.” 

“I know,” she said, stepping back and looking at you again. “I love you, Mom.” 

You just stared at her for a moment, heart feeling like it was cracking open. 

“I love you, too,” you said, your hands still on her shoulders. “More than anything.” 

“C’mon Savvy,” Ellie said, taking her arm and tugging her away. “See ya, Bambi.” 

You watched them go and debated following them before deciding to give Savvy some space. But, by the time you finished having lunch, you’d thought better of it. You were heading to see if they’d actually gone home but Olivia stopped you as you went past the stables, needing help with the horse you’d been working with the day before. It was hours before you could make it back to the house, bypassing your front door and heading straight for the back yard, knocking on Ellie’s door instead. 

“One sec!” Ellie called and you heard her scramble for the door, breathless when she opened it. “Hey Bambi, what’s up?” 

“Nothing,” you shrugged, not asking for permission and just stepping inside. Savvy was sitting crosslegged in the middle of her bed looking a little more like herself. Or, at least, the self you’d come to recognize her as lately, a little angry with her mouth set in a firm line. “Wanted to see what you girls were up to tonight, make sure everything was OK.” 

“We’re fine,” Savvy said, sounding less angry than she looked. “Just pretty tired.” 

You nodded slowly. 

“Get that stuff figured out with your friend earlier?” You asked, looking between them. 

“Think so,” Ellie said. “We can handle it. Right?” 

“Right,” Savvy said, giving her a firm nod. 

You looked between them, hoping one of them would elaborate. Neither did. 

“Alright, look,” you said. “Both of you are actin’ real weird. I need you to tell me what it is you’re schemin’ up because, while I understand that you want to take care of your friend, you can’t just go around causing problems here in town over something like a break up…” 

“We’re not causing any problems in town,” Ellie said reassuringly. “I promise, we’re not going to go beat up some kid in Jackson or anything like that, I swear.” 

You looked to Savvy. 

“She’s right,” she said. “We really aren’t.” 

You clenched your jaw for a moment. Something felt… off. They were telling the truth but you were uneasy. Something was up. 

“We’re actually still really tired,” Ellie said after a minute. “So, if it’s OK with you, we’re just going to call it a night…” 

“You swear you’re not going to go beat up some boy?” You asked, looking between them. 

“Promise,” Ellie said. “The Jackson boys are safe from us.” 

You sighed, hoping to get Joel’s help getting more out of them when he was back the next night. 

“Alright. You two actually get some damn sleep, OK?” 

“OK Mom,” Ellie rolled her eyes and you smiled a little. At least that seemed like Ellie. 

You went back to the house, sitting at the window to the backyard with a cup of tea for a bit, until the lights went off in their little house. Something still pulled at you but you went and settled on the couch, putting on an old VHS tape that had been in Joel’s house, whoever had lived here before’s recording of some episodes of Seinfeld. You didn’t fast forward through the commercials, marveling at how far away the world that sold things like Oreos seemed. You’d only been about Savvy’s age when this had been recorded. Your relationship with your mother had been fraught, too. As hard as it was to have the only reason you’d fought so hard to survive be distant, she’d done more with you today than you would have with your own mother at that age. You sighed. Maybe you were through the worst of it. Maybe this was just what it was like parenting a teenager, strange distance interspersed with shocking moments of vulnerability. 

You dozed off halfway through the third episode and the pounding on your front door made you sit bolt upright, shocking awake with a gasp. 

The sound was relentless, a fist slamming into wood instead of rapping against it. You scrambled off the couch and pulled the door open without bothering to see who was on the other side of it, your heart in your throat. What if it was Maria? What if something had happened to Joel?

But standing on your porch was Kyle, the boy Savvy had been spending time with, his shock of red hair slick with sweat, his freckled skin blotchy and red. There was a gash on his cheek.

“Mrs. Miller,” he panted, looking at you with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, they let me go, they let me go to come find you…” 

“Slow down, kid,” you said gently, heart still pounding. You put your hands on his shoulders and guided him inside. “Take a deep breath, what’s goin’ on, is everyone OK?” 

“No,” he shook his head, his eyes still wild and frantic. “No, they’re not OK. He’s got them, he’s got them, I tried to stop him but I couldn’t, there were too many and…” 

“Who’s got who?” You frowned. “Need you to slow down, you’re not making any…” 

“Savvy and Ellie,” he said. Your heart stopped. “He’s got them.” 

***

“Swear to God this is the longest damn patrol I’ve ever been on,” Joel said, happy he could actually recognize some of what was around them now. 

“And we’re even gettin’ back a few hours early,” Tommy gave him a cocky smile. “At least it was an easy one.” 

“Jesus, don’t know if I’d call it easy with how my damn leg is feelin’,” Joel said. “Swear all I’m doin’ tonight is soaking in the damn bath…” 

“See how your wife feels about that,” Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other…” 

“Fuck off,” Joel said, smiling all the same. 

“S’what I thought,” Tommy said. 

It had been an easy few days, all things considered. They’d picked off a few stray infected but no signs of a larger group. No immediate signs of raiders, either, the territory they covered broad and quiet. They’d made good time coming back, closing in on Jackson around noon instead of that evening. It was one of those times that Joel was glad that you worked in the stables, happy he’d have an excuse to go right to you the second he was in the gate. He didn’t care that he knew that he smelled, days of sweat and dirt stuck on his skin and clothes. You wouldn’t mind. You’d damn near tackle him, throwing your arms around his neck and pressing your body into his and he’d forget for a moment just how bad his damn leg was hurting after spending two and a half days on a horse. 

But Joel knew something was off the second the gate opened, guards whispering low to each other as Joel and Tommy dismounted. 

“Who died?” Tommy frowned, looking around. 

“Maria’s on her way up,” Jason, one of the guards, said. “She knows what’s going on…” 

Joel frowned at Tommy, who’s face had fallen, skin going pale. 

“I’m sure s’all fine,” Joel said, limping more than usual as he went to stand beside his brother, clapping a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It’s Jackson, what could happen?” 

Maria appeared then, walking quickly and talking seriously with Warren. 

“Oh Jesus,” Tommy said softly. “This is bad…” 

“Think we lost someone?” Joel asked, voice low. 

“Feels like we’re about to go to fuckin’ war,” Tommy said, matching Joel’s tone. 

“Good to see you two back and in one piece,” Maria said, Joel’s stomach lurching at her tone. She was talking like a member of the council not like his sister-in-law. “Jason, take the horses to get settled. I need to talk to Joel and Tommy.” 

Joel’s heart beat a little faster. She said it like she needed to talk to him, like Tommy was there to make sure he didn’t fly off the handle. She put her hand in the middle of Joel’s back and guided him to the Tipsy Bison, the bar empty this early in the day. 

“What’s goin’ on?” Tommy asked the second they were in the door. “Is William OK? Why’s everyone actin’ like someone fuckin’ died?”

“William is fine, he’s with the neighbors,” Maria said gently before turning her attention to Joel. “I need you to stay calm…” 

“Why,” he demanded. “Maria…” 

“We don’t know everything,” she cut him off. “We’ve only known about it for maybe two hours, we’re still coming up with a plan and…” 

“Known about what,” Joel demanded. “What’s goin’ on?” 

Maria took a deep breath and looked him dead in his eyes. 

“Bambi, Ellie and Savvy are gone.” 

Time slowed. His heart dropped and there was a high pitched whine ringing in his head. 

That didn’t make sense. This was Jackson. Things were safe here, everything was supposed to be safe here, that’s why he’d stayed here, risked everything to bring Ellie back here, done everything to keep you here when you’d tried to leave before and something had taken you from him anyway. 

“What do you mean they’re gone?” Tommy’s voice snapped him back into his head. “Where’d they go? What happened?” 

“This is everything we know,” Maria held a folded piece of paper out to Joel, his name in your handwriting on one half of it like you were addressing a letter. “We’re doing everything we can…” 

Joel unfolded the page with trembling hands, the crinkle of the paper almost sharp in his ears. 

Joel, 

I know I promised to be here to come home to but Cody has our girls and I’m going to get them back. He told me to come alone or they die and I can’t risk them. Please don’t come after me, not until we know they’re safe. I’ll do everything I can to come back to you but if I don’t, protect them and take care of yourself. They need you. 

If I never see you again, I want you to know that loving you was worth surviving for. Getting to be your wife and taking care of our girls with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Be safe. 

I love you. 

You signed your name, your real name, like you had the tape you gave him for Christmas but there was one notable difference: your last name was Miller. 

Joel’s fist got tight around the paper. He’d lost you and his girls. He’d let the man who had hurt you live and now that had all three of you, doing who knows what to you. 

“They were here yesterday,” Maria’s voice sounded far away. “It must have happened overnight. When Bambi didn’t show up at the stables today, Olivia sent someone to check on her around 10 a.m. and they found the note…” 

Joel wasn’t listening, turning and stalking for the door, taking mental stock of the supplies he still had on him. How much ammunition? He was pretty sure he had a good count of how many rounds he’d fired on patrol but now he was less certain. 

“Joel!” Maria’s voice was sharp, making him stop, one hand on the door, the sunlight pouring through the glass of it oddly bright. How could anything be bright right now, at a moment like this? “What are you doing? You can’t just…” 

He looked back over his shoulder, his brother and sister-in-law, the pair of them standing and watching him with cautious looks on their faces. 

Joel hoped they wouldn’t try to stop him. He loved them both, they were family, but if he had to choose from you and the girls or his brother, his brother would lose every single time. He wouldn’t hesitate to go through them. 

Joel had felt like he’d been meant to do very little in his life. Before, he’d worked a job that let him pay his bills and watched college football for a school he’d never had a shot at getting into. Since, he’d done plenty to get by and distract himself from the emptiness of his existence, none of it feeling like it was worth a damn thing. The one different, constant piece had been how he felt about the people his world revolved around. Sarah, Ellie, you, Savvy. The four of you were his calling. The four of you were why he was here at all. He’d survived the loss of Sarah by the skin of his teeth. In so many ways, he never really recovered. He wouldn’t have recovered at all if it weren’t for Ellie. 

He wasn’t doing that again. He wouldn’t survive it again. This was life and death, not just for the three of you but for himself, too. 

Joel met his brother’s gaze.

“That monster’s got my wife, my daughters,” Joel said, voice dark and firm. “I’m gonna hunt him, I’m gonna hurt him and I’m gonna bring them back.” 

A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I know, more angst. I don't know why I'm like this either. Feel free to yell at me in the comments or my ask box or my DMs. I'll still love you.

Thanks for putting up with me and all my shit and for continuing to read this story. It really does mean so, so much to me.

I love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #smut fic

[happypotato48]

I’m The Most Beautiful Count Official Pilot Unhinged Breakdown

*update. the sub is up now. i'm glad i can be of help for an hour though. 😂

First of all ahhhhhhh, this is big ya'll the main character herself identify as lgbtq+ and kathoey. so the appropriate pronoun for this character is probably going to be she/them in english (this is just educated guess from the trailer but i'm pretty sure this going to be it.)

So it this a BL?? TL?? KL?? idk but i also don't care

She is out and proud and she's in the show biz.

Girl thought she in a prank show. this kind of scene is in so many stuff it's kinda get repetitive. but at least its open with hot man boobs.

That is the past live person's father doing the bashing. it's rough to watch but that servant boy jump out to take the hits got me.

So she's faking amnesia and i think this guy is an old flame.

Hubba hubba. this guy is the jackass king's who pushed our queen to save himself in previous scene brother

The past live bitch got some game. she managed to snatch all the hot noble men and that's mother behavior.

Ok so i think the plot of this show is old past live killed herself cause olden time queerphobic. modern time queen think she need to write the wrong of the past by feelling in love with one of these guys so she can get back to the present day, but she don't know which one of these is actually the one, hijinks ensue, etc.

That's all the gist of it, hope this help.

#dumb boy unhinged thoughts #bl drama #thai bl #thai ql #thai drama #thai series #change2561 lineup

[martian-martian-martian]

no, no, you’re right. of course you are.

i’m sure its a complete coincidence that the some of yall in the Fallout fandom saw a canon, fairly well developed (for the time given) romantic relationship with the protagonist and Black lead…

…and then decided to make next to no content for the ship or the Black lead himself.

and decided instead to focus fandom attention overwhelmingly to shipping with a man who himself has/had a Black wife and child, who are ALSO never mentioned in any content proposing him and Lucy together, although it might be relevant if he was forming a new relationship that he would need to just SUDDENLY completely lose all connection to them.

you’re right.

there’s nothing concerning about that at all.

relegating non white characters, even if they are central to the plot, to near anonymity in the fandom: not making art, not including them in fic, not recognizing ships even if they are canon— is definitely not a reoccurring problem that happens all the time.

#fallout #maximus #lucy maclean #fallout on prime

[tzthrowbacks]

oh by the way i just came back from challengers..

some thoughts :

everybody was acting DOWN

such an entertaining plot from beginning to end. low stake movies about messy people...that's exactly the kind of movie i needed right now, and i actually liked the flashbacks (saw some complain about it)

everyone is pathetic in their own way but i lowkey expected waaaay worse from art given what everyone (im looking at you z) was saying. he's a looser and a snake absolutely, and i know what he did initially was shitty, and i think he's boring as hell so i understand why tashi was losing her mind in this marriage lol. but idk i thought he was going to be way more.... insufferable ? in terms of scenes and dialogues i mean

chemistry wise, tashi and patrick oh man.....was giggling and kicking my feet everytime they were together. i know they were written that way but tashi art scenes felt soooo bland in comparison

don't jump me but i expected more tashi ? not in terms of screen time, but more about her as a character. i know she's the connective tissue between them all. i think she's an interesting character, she's complex, but i wished it explored more of that complexity. i have a clear idea of who the boys are, their personality and quirks, idk if i feel the same way about tashi, but maybe i need to sit on it and rewatch psa : i didn't read the script, that's maybe why i expected more

anyone want to discuss the ending ? how did you interpret it ? i smirked when patrick did his special move letting him know they fucked, but also i feel like it gave art the drive to outperform and their embrace at the end sums up their relationship. all their problems would've been solved if they just got together lmao. and tashi only cared about watching some 'good fucking tennis' and she ended up having it, hence the final shot of her, smiling

i need josh

#what a time to be alive #spoilers

[shelaghdette]

the mischaracterisation of shelagh turner

this post will be a bit of a ramble, and i promise im not directly attacking any one person or group! i've just seen a few things over the course of my involvement with the fandom that trouble me a bit.

as a disclaimer: i LOVE shelagh intensely. she's perhaps my favourite fictional character in ANY piece of media. of course i have my own fixed opinions, so this makes me inherently biased. take whatever i say with a pinch of salt, im just an internet lesbian.

damselification

there's a common take in the fandom that shelagh left the order just for patrick. i'd like to argue this isnt true. patrick was a massive part of her reason, and i'd even agree that falling for him gave her the final push, but we have evidence to suggest she was considering it LONG before we first saw the turnadette plot.

shelagh wanted to hang out with the GIRLS. shelagh saw jenny, trixie and cynthia's freedom and she wanted it. in the beginning, it had very little to do with a man. when she takes her wimple off and stands in front of the mirror, shes trying to find herself.

shelagh had a desire to be a free woman. being in love with patrick was a part of it, but not the whole picture.

even when she did choose to be with patrick, she made those decisions all on her own. she didn't read the letters he sent her until she was already certain of her choice. she wasn't going to be begged, and she wasn't going to beg him, either. shelagh would have left the order whether patrick really wanted to be with her or not.

in fics, shelagh is often portrayed as a helpless baby who needed patrick to save her from her indecision paralysis. i don't think this is true.

stupification (sex mention ahead!)

shelagh is a MIDWIFE. not only that, she's confirmed to be the most accomplished and talented in her field at nonnatus house. i would argue her intelligence and competence in her job is equal to, if not greater, than her husband's. she has an extensive knowledge of the female anatomy. she's studied it for years. she works with it every single day.

SO PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE SHELAGH TURNER WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT A BLOODY CLITORIS IS! the amount of smut fics ive read that have been instantly ruined by patrick mansplaining her own anatomy to her is not ridiculously high, but it isnt zero either. and whenever it happens, it does my head in. i'm not saying shelagh's going to leave the order and immediately become an absolute sex goddess, that's also unrealistic. but dear god, she knows what her own bits are called. it's just another way she's infantilized and turned into a weak little angel baby who patrick has to smother and save.

on a less nsfw note, i just feel like some fics don't give shelagh's intelligence the credit it's due. it's hard to fully explain without giving examples (which i don't want to do bc i feel like that's unfair and really mean), but in general, patrick just hand-holds her a lot and explains basic things she'd have no trouble understanding on her own. girly is CLEVER. let her be clever.

#call the midwife #shelagh turner #roo speaks absolute shite

[summerongrand]

Just wanted to say I appreciate your take on the whole white man/woc imbalanced power plot issue. This is something that I had a big problem with in season 4 and others definitely seemed to pick up on the same when all the storylines were Wesley, Nolan or Tim centric, and Nyla, Angela and Lucy were seemingly left as the 'other'. However I feel like I saw the issue be forgotten in the fandom a little. It seems this show has consistently favoured highlighting the male struggle and treating female storylines as trivial and unworthy, other than that of Bailey, the then newly introduced and now main cast white female character. I thought this would change with Lucy's story now being written consistently in s6 but it's clear that Tim's potentially the more favourable storyline. Now I can't speak from a psychological standpoint on what Tim did to Lucy but from a plot pov it's definitely making the white man vs woc power issue glaringly obvious. He is the one that gets to start or end their relationship. He's the white man with issues that is allowed to feel what he wants and grow his character while the asian woman is left behind despite her own depth and trauma. Let's hope that Lucy is given the same grace of dealing with her issues and growing as Tim, and Lucy gets her power back.

Hi Anon!

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful message. And thanks for patiently waiting for my response. I agree with everything you said. I believe the post you’re referring to is this one and possibly this one too.

It’s clear that the show has favored male storylines, particularly those of Wesley, Nolan, and Tim (and Bailey a non-WOC), while sidelining WOC ones. And even though the focus here is on Lucy and Chenford, I’m equally happy and willing to talk about race through the POVs of Angela/Wopez and Nyla/Jayla too.

I don’t think the actual act of Tim breaking up with Lucy has a racial dynamic to it other than the obvious. Them being of different races is just who they are. But their overall relationship (TO/Rookie, mentor/mentee, sergeant/gofer, friends, couple, etc.) does. And Melissa, bless her heart (affectionate), codes so heavily as Chinese in her mannerisms too and this gets projected onto Lucy. But that’s not talked about very often either. I say all of this to agree with you, Anon, because the “white man vs woc power issue” as you described has existed the whole time.

Let’s look at S5b and S6. A WOC masterminded the career progressions of at least two middle aged white men. One of them derailed her career progression. The other one broke up with her. Both broke her heart in very different ways. We did get some of Lucy’s character development and growth in S6 on the front end of the season. But even within that, her storyline has been about the 5 player trade (made to benefit Tim primarily) and Tim not being comfortable with her in UC. Tim gets demoted but he has a cushion to fall on because Lucy trampolined him into the Metro clouds and now the show’s able to use what Lucy did to benefit Tim again and use that to give him room to fall back on. This is part of the whole ‘using a WOC as a plot device to further a white man’s story’ which I’ve shared about in regards to the breakup (which is different than the act of breaking up) and you've detailed out too. We’ll see what happens to her story in the next few episodes, and I too hope that Lucy is given the same grace and that she does get her power back. But no matter what happens in future episodes, that trope was used so the genie’s already out of the bottle.

You did bring up the fandom, so I am going to talk about it a little more. This next part may be hard to hear, Anon, but … I have received negativity from Chenford fans for talking about Lucy and Melissa O’Neil’s race. This shows me that this topic is so worth talking about because there are people who feel a certain way about seeing race-related discussions about Lucy (they don’t want to be anywhere near it) and I do believe it’s unhealthy for the fandom to have these beliefs about a WOC. Others in the fandom have also encountered negativity and pushback when discussing this topic. Maybe it's even happened to you. People have shared their fandom experiences with me privately, but you’re the first to do it Anonymously which is great because that means you’ve given me the opportunity to respond to you publicly. 

Challenging this negatively held belief within our fandom and embracing Lucy/Mel’s racial and cultural identity is a worthy endeavor so let’s move the dial on that. It starts with talking about these topics in the context of The Rookieverse and keeping an open mind if these topics are unfamiliar to us. I mean, Mel wants more of that too.

Thanks again, Anon!

#There’s also a Discord for this #so HMU if you want the link #chenford #race and culture #woc #representation on tv #media representation #representation in media #representation matters #woc daily #woc on tv #women of color #lucy chen #the rookie #tim bradford #melissa o'neil #eric winter #tim and lucy #tucy #tim x lucy #black excellence #asian american #hispanic american #latinx #fandom #things that matter #my asks #summer's asks #asked and answered

[lucysarah-c]

What do you think about Levi not mentioning Farlan and Isabel throughout the anime? They were literally his first real friends and family. Even in their deaths he was frustrated. But strangely we don't see any flashback scenes about them or Levi talking about them. It's obviously disturbing to me.

I have an Oc an underground childhood friend that I ship with Levi in particular and I didn't write their story down, but it makes me think that if my character was in danger or if she died with Farlan and Isabel or if she ended up dying long after their deaths, Levi would never remember her or talk about her, just like Farlan and Isabel's deaths, and that bothers me.

I know it's a bit strange to get this kind of analysis-like question since you are a Levi writer's blog. But since I love your writings and I really liked and found comfort in your answer to anon's question about whether Levi likes weak people. Because I am also a person who gets caught up in rumors and doubts whether Levi will like us or not haha.

Anyway, I don't want to deviate too much from the subject and make it too weird. You can answer question if you want.

Hi, sweetie! Oh, I see. Yes, I understand where you're coming from. First of all, I'd like to thank you for saying that you love my writing, and I'm so happy you found comfort in my answer about Levi and a "weak person." It's alright that we get lost in what the fandom discusses too frequently; it has happened to me too. And do not worry, rest assured, I don't find these "analysis questions" weird at all. Though my analysis will never be as good as my close friends', like my friend Sushi who used to have a meta-analysis blog of SnK or Cosmic! They are beyond amazing.

But to answer your question, before I get lost in my thoughts, long story short, Isayama is extremely bad at writing emotional connections in my humble opinion. In my personal group chat with my SnK close friends, we discuss this in great detail at least twice per week haha. In my opinion, Isayama is a writer or a storyteller who struggles to find a balance between keeping the plot going and creating a cohesive society and interrelationships between characters. I personally think that the story was always advancing so fast, full gas, no stop, that we hardly got any real details about the characters that made them human beyond their mere roles in the story.

I always use as an example, if one chapter in the manga or anime started with different panels of the veterans getting ready and sitting down all together for a meeting, we could have seen how their personal chambers were, how their interactions were not only between them aside the presence of the cadets, but we could have also seen how they confront early mornings, if they had paintings of loved ones, flowers on their desks, etc. It would have taken ... 5-10 pages at most, and we could have learned so much. It's something I even keep in mind while planning my own stories; I have an entire notebook of "backstory" for all the characters of Holy Ground, canon or not. So when the time comes around, I can drop little details of their lives here and there because... Let's be honest, has someone ever sat down next to you and said "here, let me tell you my whole life"? No, usually, you get to know someone organically, and that's also what, in my opinion, should happen in stories.

Now, going back to why Levi doesn't talk about Farlan and Isabel. Well, my best answer to you is, sadly, another question. Tell me one scene in the whole anime or manga where Levi was having some quality time with someone he felt comfortable enough to open up and talk about fond memories, be vulnerable, or even crack a joke about some silly hormonal stuff he did as a young man with Farlan. Tell me, I will wait... Haha.

Levi doesn't talk about Farlan or Isabel because he doesn't have screen time to talk about almost anything besides the plot moving haha. I would put my hands on a burning fire and swear that Farlan and Isabel are still extremely important to Levi! And so would be your OC! Don't let Isayama's literary limitations fence your story. That's my best advice; explore feelings that he didn't have the production time for (perhaps he wasn't allowed to write about it because of financial stuff) or he simply wasn't good at it.

Hope that helps!

Love ya!

#levi ackerman #aot #attack on titan #levi #snk #shingeki no kyojin #captain levi #levi aot #snk levi #attack on titans

[toofoxexpert]

Attention : Oc and AU content

Hi, today I came with a reference of my Oc and a little information about my au, which has just begun to form.

This character simply acts as a doorman (his feature is the presence of a pistol to protect against particularly aggressive doppelgangers.)

—

The essence of au is that doppelgangers are not only intelligent beings, but they also try to become people. I had ideas in my head with so-called stages, or reincarnations, whatever you like. But the bottom line is that there are only 10 of them. (the bottom line is that Francis has only 9 clones, and the tenth stage is the final one) that is, it means that all nine times the " double" Tries the soil, so to speak, learns to sculpt a human form, while eating the same human flesh to maintain its shape. They learn to sculpt the shape of the person whose life they want to live, learn his character and habits, and learn to copy. If, in exactly 9 times of this copying, the doppelganger manages to completely master the character of the person he is copying, then he simply eats this person, eventually strengthening his human form, and after reincarnation he can eat ordinary human food.

By the way, since we are talking about doppelgangers, I will touch on the topic of Francis Mosses' doppelgangers, and the main one in my au is Hoon man. The smiling devil, yeah. By the way, he is the only double - and all the other eight (?) of course, this is just a sample of the situation and character of a person, an infusion into appearance, so to speak. As a result, according to the plot, he still kills Francis and replaces his place :) (and I will talk about the consequences of these antics in other posts, as well as about their connections with Oscar)

—

And, probably, in the conclusion of this post, I will tell you that Doppelgangers are not Immortal after all. Yes, they are very powerful creatures, but they are not omnipotent deities, (as some other people may expose them.). There is another easy, but not a little important feature about how you can calculate a well-masked doppelganger: this is fear, or rather its absence. If you point a knife or a pistol at a lurking creature, it will not be afraid, as is typical for ordinary people, it will show strong aggression and try to harm you. The same feature is that you need to kill with exactly ten blows or shots. If we are talking about stab wounds, then they should be aimed strictly at the eyes, if we are talking about bullet wounds, then ten bullets exactly in the forehead. And that's how your enemy will be defeated.

Au has a name - wolves in sheep's clothing

#artists on tumblr #francis mosses #milkman #my art #thats not my neighbor #art #digital art #digital artist #digital painting #francis mosses milkman #tnmn art #tnmn francis mosses #tnmn #tnmn au #tnmn fanart #au #that's not my neighbor #tnmn milkman #tnmn oc #tnmn post #my post #doodle #original character #oc #oc reference #oc refrence sheet #oc ref sheet

[textsfromthetva]

so I was doing some early morning mental plotting of the inevitable, angsty post-canon Brad fic (as you do while drinking a coke and smoking a cigarette at 7am, like an adult who has their life together), and there's been a problem since the beginning.

now, as a person who had suffered from debilitating depression and anxiety on-and-off for 20 years, I know very well that no one can pull you out of that hole for you, you have to climb out yourself. but it is incredibly helpful when someone throws down a rope ladder.

(from a personal perspective, an acute lack of interactions and dialogue was also going to make it infinitely harder to write. I'm not good at writing character-driven stories that just have the main character wallowing in their emotions, without external input, from start to finish)

my problem was that I didn't know who that would be. I toyed with creating an OC for the purpose, but it didn't feel right to have someone who doesn't know the truth of what happened - and never will - try to help.

and then a giant cartoon lightbulb appeared over my head and flicked on, as it occurred to me that we do actually have a canon character who is just hanging out in the universe at large at this point, letting time pass. the original unlicensed therapist of the Loki series. a guy who, at the very least, is interested enough in Brad's whereabouts by the end of the series to have a magazine with him on the cover lying on his desk, and could perhaps even care a little that the guy is in extreme self-destruction mode.

Mobius, my man, I'm gonna pull you into some serious shit, and you're gonna do great.

this will be good for him, you know? Loki's current in a tree (or is he the tree? I'm a little unclear on that), so he's got no enrichment in his enclosure. an opportunity to practice some amateur psychology on someone else will cheer him up, I'm sure.

#the creator talks aimlessly #unfortunately I haven't got time to write anything right now #I'm going to England tomorrow for an academic conference #held by the Byron society #yes it's a Lord Byron conference and I'm going as a civilian for shits and giggles #very *intellectual* shits and giggles #Brad's mental illness will have to wait until Monday

[bruhstation]

Any ideas for Skarloey Railway??

of course! I'm working on their designs (they're some of the most requested characters in the 1k followers poll haha) but I do know what they're like in casa tidmouth.... the skarloey railway people entertain (not outright encourage) thomas' ideas about the supernatural phenomena plaguing sodor like telling him stories of a train that fell off a bridge, the tale of godred, etc. and thomas with percy in tow would storm off to find said mysteries that they provide. they're the silent pushers of the plot that mainly hangs out in the background and watch as the truth behind the island of sodor slowly unfurl while their hands are mostly clean. however, a certain irish young man clad in green may say otherwise....

I did doodle rusty, sir handel, and peter sam! here they are.

the rest will follow suit sometime later. I've featured skarloey in my introduction comic from two years ago, and I still think his design is solid! just needs a bit of refining, I suppose.

#asks #b1anketplask #anonymous #ttte rusty #ttte sir handel #ttte peter sam #ttte skarloey #casa tidmouth #senjart #they're like the neighbors that would gossip with you every saturday morning when you're outside mowing the lawn #''oh I heard a guy once fell off a bridge and... well.... ya know! but dunno if it's true! I'd advice you to steer clear'' #and then you would go plot some scooby-doo esque investigation with your best buddy #then another neighbor would tell you that you're being stupid

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Here's the thing with Jane Austen-Elizabeth Gaskell comparisons:

I don't think the intuition that relates them in readers is wrong. Gaskell has read Austen and it shows. I'd even go as far as to say that Gaskell is writing within the same ethic-political framework as Austen -one that is concerned with human flourishing as stemming from an ideal of fulfilled humanity based on an assortment of intellectual and moral excellences, that is, a form of virtue ethics- and I am in fact attempting to write a dissertation on this! *clown shoes noises*.

The problem is when influence and fundamental agreement is treated or understood as imitation, or worse, pastiche. "North and South is Pride and Prejudice + [insert Victorian element here]" is a fun joke, because comedy so often relies on exaggeration, but as an actual description it isn't quite right. North and South pays its homage to P&P with some elements, but it is not an AU retelling. The themes, character arcs and motivations are very different. There is a referentiality, but it is the referentiality of conversation.

Gaskell says "I see Darcy, and I see the ideal Darcy represents in the context of his community of practice (rural, pre-industrial England), as The Gentleman. He has power and he has authority. But how do we make sense of a similar figure of power and authority, but dissimilar in everything else in the context of his own community of practice (urban, industrial England)? What constitutes the ideal of The Man?" It isn't Thornton's points of coincidence with Darcy but their points of drastic contrast that motivate the socio-psycho-moral study of the character. And so on and so forth for other elements of the narrative.

Something similar happens with Wives and Daughters and Mansfield Park. Gaskell says "I understand the point about how a bad early education can fix a character in such a way as to make moral growth or reform impossible through example or exhortation. But what do we do when that person remains intimately connected to us?" Cynthia resembles Mary Crawford, but the angle of approach is different because the question is different (and the environment of transplant is different as well).

There are of course other works of Gaskell where the conversation is tenuous or completely absent. There's no romance plot in Cranford, but we do kind of see in the Cranford amazons the gossips of Highbury. There's no Emma here, no Mr Knightley, no magnanimous rich neighbor to help. The question is how do they manage to live the same virtues of generosity, patience, forgiveness, etc, between themselves.

Austen's novels are mostly occupied with the directly moral: it is about the concrete individuals and their close connections in society, and how virtues and vices in this or that person affect themselves and those around them. The communities of practice, and therefore the ideals of fulfilled humanity remain more or less the same (with some variations, of course). In Gaskell the scope is political, if anything because of Gaskell's unfamiliarity with Austen's socioeconomic environment, and familiarity with completely different ones. So she's taking Austen's general framework, and investigating in which ways the differences in the communities make for different ideals of human flourishing that still relate to the same core virtues.

#Jane Austen #Elizabeth Gaskell

[rayslittlekitten]

Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls

A/N: This is finally done! I swear I started this like two years ago inspired by a Writer Wednesday prompt and I kinda got stuck trying to paint the exact picture I had in my mind and I think I finally succeeded. Okay maybe a little less detailed, but it's got the point I wanted to make across. This is kinda like a villain origin story. I chose to pair him with an OC (who also has physical descriptions) instead of reader character because this is really all about Dieter and I don’t think the reader would want to be the OC anyways. Also thanks to the lovely @lovebarefootblonde for beta reading!

Rating: T/M

Word Count: ~4.5k

Pairing: Young!Dieter Bravo (18+) x Named OFC

Plot: Dieter stumbles into his own Hollywood movie, but it's not the ending he expected.

Contains: mentions of sex, recreational drug use, angst

The sun is starting to set and palm tree silhouettes sway in front of the pink and orange skyline. The Golden Hour. The light casts long shadows as the glowing star descends. Dieter quickly pedals, cutting through alleyways and side streets to avoid the rush hour traffic and tourists.

Finally, he bursts through the front door of his apartment holding a take out bag and sweating like he just ran a marathon. He pants and tries to catch his breath as he quickly makes his way to the kitchen and shoves the bag into the nearly empty refrigerator. After slamming the door shut, he jogs over to the bathroom where he passes his roommate on the couch.

"I brought home some leftovers if you want it," Dieter quickly mentions.

"Is it a cheeseburger?" his roommate asks, his eyes never leaving the television screen.

"No! It's spaghetti and meatballs!" Dieter shouts from the bathroom where he starts getting rid of his sweaty and smelly clothes from waiting tables all day after turning on the shower.

"There's a party happening downtown tonight. Are you going?"

"No, I got this gig last minute. I gotta leave in like 10 minutes," he replies before shoving his toothbrush into his mouth.

"Come on, there's gonna be so many women there!" his roommate comments.

Dieter rushes through cleaning his teeth and spits into the sink.

"I'm working the Titanic premiere at the Chinese theater," he shouts before jumping into the shower, not even waiting for the water to warm up. He shrieks at the shock of the cold temperature.

After Dieter's record quick shower, he throws on some decently clean clothes after giving them a sniff and then shoves his feet into his shoes.

"The Titanic premiere? Get out! Who the hell did you have to blow to get that gig?" his roommate asks skeptically.

"No one. One of my coworkers also works catering and someone dropped out," Dieter shrugs. "I'm getting paid to serve stars. I'm not passing up on that."

"Well, look at you, climbing the Hollywood social ladder. Next, you're gonna tell me you're the new Leonardo DiCaprio."

"You could be the next Leonardo DiCaprio if you actually went to auditions instead of waiting for someone to notice you," Dieter shoots back.

"You do you man. I have my own methods," he replies smugly.

"I gotta go. See you later. Please do the dishes before you go to this party," Dieter adds before grabbing an apple out of a fruit bowl sitting on the kitchen counter and taking off.

***

As Dieter races to the theater on his bike, riding as quick as he possibly could while weaving through traffic, he slows down for a moment when he sees the large crowd lined up by the red carpet outside of the beautiful iconic theater. His breath is taken away as he admires the glitz and glamor in front of him.

The Grauman’s Chinese Theatre is a place he’s gotten well acquainted with since moving to Los Angeles. It’s one of his favorite places to go in his free time, watching all the new film releases. Sometimes multiple times if he enjoys them that much. However, he’s never actually attended a movie premiere and the elegant transformation has him in a chokehold.

As he approaches the theater, he hops off mid-roll as he slows down and hears a loud roar coming from the fans barricaded off to the side. He can't see who it is, but a limo just pulled up to the front of the theater and the screams get louder as someone steps out of the car and walks down the red carpet. He knows one day, it'll be him walking down that plush red carpet and loved by fans.

He moves quickly to behind the theater where his coworker told him to meet her. He sprints when he finds his coworker right outside the back door appearing to finish putting on her uniform.

"Oh, thank goodness you made it!" She says as she buttons up her uniform vest.

"I got here as quickly as I could." He drops his bike and with his hands on his knees, Dieter pauses to catch his breath.

"We don't have time!" She tosses him his uniform vest.

Dieter instantly throws the vest on.

"Come on! We gotta run," she tells him as she takes off inside.

"What about my bike?" he asks as he throws his bag over his shoulder.

"Bring it in!" she shouts from the long hallway.

Dieter takes his bike with him and rushes inside, letting the door close behind him. He leaves the bike and bag somewhere and she gestures to him to hurry. As he follows her, he buttons up and stuffs his shirt into his pants. By the time they enter the kitchen, he's mostly put together as he smooths out his hair, slicking it back.

He doesn't even get a moment to catch his breath when a tray of hors d'oeuvres get shoved into his hands.

"Go, go, go!" the man in apron shouts as he nudges Dieter towards the swinging doors.

Dieter rushes out while trying not to tip over the tray. He gathers his composure and walks around offering hors d'oeuvres while taking in the celebrities and VIPs. He was so in awe of everything and everyone around him, being in the midst of one of the most important parties celebrating what he believes will be one of the biggest movies of the year. It’s James freakin’ Cameron!

Throughout the night, he continues to walk around with trays of food and beverages while taking everything in. He’s taking notice of what people are wearing, saying, who’s talking to who. Even though he’s not able to mingle with the stars, he’s just as happy that he gets to still, in a way, be in the middle of it all. He was even able to sneak into the theater a few times to watch the movie.

As he makes his way back to the kitchen with an empty tray, suddenly he’s blindsided by a swinging door.

“Oops! I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t know you were behind the door,” the person apologizes.

“You went out the wrong door,” he exclaims while picking up his tray off the floor.

“Are you okay?”

When Dieter looks up at the offending person, his face softens. She looks like a Golden Aged Hollywood star. Her long wavy hair cascades down her exposed back. Her floor-length shiny dress is slinky against her smooth skin, hugging her every curve and dip, and flaring out at her ankles. Her long fanned out lashes and cat eyeliner frame her piercing eyes.

“I… yeah I’m… I’m good,” he stammers, swallowing the saliva pooling in his mouth. “Um, can I help you? Are, are you lost?” He vaguely points to the kitchen doors.

“Say, you happen to know where I can powder my nose?” She asks curiously while tapping the tip of her nose with he satin-covered fingertip.

“Uhhh, the ladies’ room is that way,” he points to a general direction.

“You’re adorable,” she compliments with a giggle after a silent moment studying him. “This is your first time working one of these big Hollywood parties, isn’t it?”

“Uhhh… no?”

Something out of his eyesight catches her attention and she loops her arm through his before quickly swooping him away into a different direction.

“So, uh, what did you say your name was again?” She asks as she briskly moves them farther away from where they were, occasionally glancing back.

“I, I didn’t,” he stutters. “Where are we going?”

“You know where we can just get away from the crowd and maybe get some air?” She asks while scanning the place.

“Yes, I actually do. Follow me!”

Dieter stealthily navigates them both to a section for employees only and out through a back alleyway. She looks behind them and when she sees that nobody has followed them, she lets out a sigh of relief.

“Phew! Thank you so much,” she says to him.

“No problem. So who or what were we running away from back there?” Dieter asks her.

“What are you talking about?” She asks calmly.

“You wanted to get the hell out of there and you kept looking back like you’re checking to see if anyone was following us.”

She ignores his observation, walking off a few feet away to put some distance between them as she takes out a cigarette from her clutch.

“Are you in danger?” Dieter asks.

She scoffs and lets out a chuckle.

“No, nothing dramatic like that,” she responds right before she lights her cigarette and takes a drag.

He notices she doesn’t have a wristband or any visible credentials.

“Are you even supposed to be at this party?” He asks her with narrow eyes.

Suddenly the door swings open, knocking into Dieter and preventing it from opening further. He moves aside and pokes his head around the door.

“Hey, sorry, buddy. Did you happen to see a woman with long dark hair about this tall come out this way? She has on like a long shiny dress?”

“Uhhh…” Dieter glances around the alleyway on both sides and briefly notices the woman hiding behind the door with her back against the brick wall, trying to make herself as invisible as possible.

“I mean, that could be anyone here,” Dieter responds to the man with a small smirk. “But no, I didn’t.” He shakes his head to underline his confirmation.

“What are you doing out here?” He asks with slight suspicion, noticing his uniform. “Shouldn’t you be inside working?”

“I’m just taking a break,” he shrugs.

The woman quietly offers Dieter her lit cigarette behind the door and he takes it from her without raising any alarms.

“A smoke break.” He shows the man the cigarette in his hand before taking a puff himself.

“Well, make it quick. if you see anyone matching that description, please let me know.”

And with that, he hands Dieter his business card.

“Will do, sir!” Dieter nods to him as he takes the card.

Dieter watches the man walk back into the building, and when he is completely out of sight, he looks over to where she is and notices she has started to tiptoe away.

“He’s gone,” Dieter tells her.

She stops in her tracks and turns around.

“Thank you for that. I really appreciate it.” She claps her hands together.

“You owe him some money or something?” Dieter asks, slowly walking towards her while taking another pull of her cigarette.

“Mm, I guess it depends on who you ask,” she replies coyly.

“What does that mean?” He tilts his head curiously.

After what he did for her, she feels she owes him at least an explanation.

“We had just met a few hours ago and I charmed him enough to sneak into this party but I got bored halfway in. I thought I’d be able to rub elbows with some important people, but turns out he doesn’t really know those important people here and if you don’t know anyone, you’d be lucky to even get to say just hi to the people everyone wants to talk to, so I dressed my best for nothing,” she replies.

Dieter checks the business card that was handed to him and it reads:

“Lights, Camera, Catering

Abner Bailey Jones

CEO”

“Shit, I think that was my boss,” Dieter laughs. “But that still doesn’t explain why he’s looking for you and why you’re avoiding him.”

“My guess is he’s expecting something in return for him getting me into the party,” she shrugs.

“Oooh,” he simply replies. “Wait a minute. So you got all glammed up and came here not knowing if you were going to get into the premiere?” He asks.

“You gotta fake it ‘til you make it, right?” She shrugs again as she struts back to him and takes her cigarette back. “So you ever gonna tell me your name? You can call me Beatrice.”

She takes a long drag while waiting for his answer.

“Dieter. My stage name," he explains. "It's a nickname my family gave me when I was a kid because I couldn't pronounce theater correctly which I loved going to all the time and it came out sounding like Dieter and it just stuck. The movie theater is where my passion for acting started."

“Of course you’re an actor. What’s your real name?" 

Dieter doesn't answer, but simply flashes a cheeky smirk at her, his dimple creasing deeper into his face.

"Hmm, suddenly so mysterious. Nice to meet you, Dieter.” Beatrice extends her gloved hand out and Dieter shakes it.

“You’re new in town, aren't you?" she asks curiously then drops the cigarette butt on the asphalt.

"Not really. I moved here about six months ago."

"Six months only? Oh, you are new in town," she comments. "Practically a tourist."

"Really?" he asks with a tilt to his head. “What makes you say that?"

"Your eagerness. You still got that sparkle in your eyes. You haven’t been jaded by Hollywood yet.”

“And you have, I suppose?”

Beatrice shrugs and flashes an award-winning smile, her turn to be a little mysterious. Her blood red lips make her perfect teeth even brighter.

“Hey, you wanna get out of here? Got a place we can go to just like, hang out?” she asks.

Dieter looks around to make sure she was talking to him and then stares back at her like a deer in headlights.

“M-me? You wanna hang out with me?” He points to his own chest, shocked.

“Yeah, why does that surprise you?”

“I mean you… you look like that,” he points to her dress. “And well…” He then gestures his hands to himself.

“You look like a star. I just didn’t think women who look like you would want anything to do with people who look like me,” he replies.

“It’s that kinda thinking that makes me want to hang out with you even more. You’re not full of yourself. You seem like a cool guy, Dieter.”

Dieter’s face flushes. “Thank you. You seem super cool too. Like way cooler than me. Oh! My shift ends in…” he glances at his watch. “Maybe another hour.”

“Oh, come on, Dieter!”

Dieter sighs, stuck between staying for the party or going with this beautiful woman in front of him.

“You’re not gonna leave a damsel all in distress, are you?” Beatrice fakes an exaggerated pout while batting her hazel eyes.

“You have a habit of following around strangers?” He teases.

“Strangers? You and me? No. You lied for me and basically saved my life. You’re practically my savior,” she corrects him.

“Saved your life? I thought you weren’t in any danger. ‘Nothing dramatic like that’, I believe you said,” he jabs back.

“You saved me from dying of boredom,” she smirks and it draws a small laugh out of Dieter. “So what do you say, hero?”

Dieter chews on his lower lip as he weighs his options.

“Come on, you really wanna work this boring party? I’m pretty sure half the cast left already,” she gripes. “Oh, I also got…”

Beatrice fishes inside her clutch and pulls out a small baggie.

“Weed! I don’t know if you indulge, but I’m willing to share,” she tempts him as she dangles the baggie. “We can chill out and talk about the movie or whatever.”

After a few more moments, he finally makes a decision.

“Wait right here. I’ll be right back,” Dieter tells her right before he rushes back inside.

“Yes!” Beatrice exclaims enthusiastically.

A few minutes later, Dieter returns with his bag and bike.

“My coworker’s gonna cover for me. She owes me a favor,” Dieter says.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think that’s gonna fit the both of us, especially not while wearing this.” She points out her delicate gown. “Let’s hail a cab!”

***

After grabbing some tacos off a street cart, they end up back at his place.

"I don't think my roommate is home. He went to some party downtown,” Dieter says while giving her a quick tour of his apartment.

When they finally reach his messy bedroom, she notices the canvases sprawled throughout.

"You're an artist?” Beatrice asks while admiring the art.

"I dabble in paint whenever I have the time,” he shrugs. “Which sometimes is a lot,” he laughs.

"Your style is interesting. What do you have going on here?" She asks, pointing to a canvas with splotches of color on it.

"I don't know yet. I just paint whatever comes to my mind." He stuffs his hands into his pockets and shrugs as he walks over to the painting.

"Whenever I get inspired, I just..." He vaguely gestures his hand to the half empty white surface. "I have to admit, many of them have been under the influence," he laughs.

"Oh, yeah? What's your poison of choice?" she asks, suddenly very interested.

“Well, usually just some marijuana. That one was actually a result of the first time I tried mushrooms.” Dieter points to a different painting.

“Have you ever tried cocaine?”

“That’s a rich man’s candy,” Dieter replies, shaking his head.

“I can get some for us,” she offers. “I know someone.”

“You have that kind of money?” He asks curiously with a raised brow, inching closer to her.

“Money isn’t the only currency there is, especially out here in Hollywood."

Dieter studies her for a few moments trying to understand what she could mean.

“A-are you… do you…” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the question without possibly offending her.

“No, I’m not a prostitute if that’s what you’re going to ask,” she chuckles. "But you wouldn't be the first person to think that."

"I'm not judging." He puts his hands up in defense. "Everyone's gotta do whatever they can to survive."

"Especially out here in the wild, wild West. People are nice to each other, but in the end it's everyone for themselves." She tips her head to him.

"I wish you success but also hope I get the role instead of you, ha ha ha,” she mocks with an obvious fake laugh and then rolls her eyes. "So much ego."

“Ouch. Sounds like you've been burned before.” Dieter walks over to her.

"Yeah, but I have thick skin. You've gotta have that to be in this game. You've gotta grow one after the umpteenth rejection. Or even worse, having to suck it up and reject a role because you refuse to suck a dick for it— a background role at that. You mind?" She pulls out a joint and the corner of his lips turn up.

“Not if you share," he replies.

She lights it up and after taking a pull, she hands it to him.

"Can't say I've had the opportunity to suck a dick for a role yet," he chuckles before taking a hit.

"Oh, trust me, you will. There is no discrimination. Women might get it more often, but there are definitely men who have fucked to get a role as well."

“I should be, but why am I not surprised?” he chimes in.

“Enough of all this talk. It’s bringing the mood down. Oh, I’ve got an idea!” she says, taking a drag of the joint as she lays down on his bed. “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

"Are you for real?" he asks.

"Yes, I am." She takes another drag and passes the joint back to him before starting to strip down.

Dieter is shocked and speechless. He is in awe as he watches her remove her clothes until she's down to her lacy underwear. Her braless breasts hang freely as she lays down on her side, just like Rose did.

“Are you just gonna stare at me all night or do you need more drugs?” she asks him after a few moments.

“I’m just admiring the art that’s already in front of me,” he replies before taking another toke of the joint.  “Not sure if any amount of drugs will do it any justice.”

“You’re sweet,” she comments as warmth rises to her face. “But I wanna see what you see. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Dieter continues to study her for a few more seconds before finally nodding.

“Alright. I think I got something.”

He passes the joint back to her and with that, Dieter starts squeezing some paint onto his palette, mixing colors and spreading them on the canvas. His dark round eyes dart around her face and body, taking in the image in front of him and then finally scraping some paint onto the canvas to spit out what his mind is processing.

She can’t see what he’s doing but notices he’s using a lot of different colors and broad strokes. After about ten minutes of this, a wide smirk plays on his face.

“What? Do I look silly like a Picasso or something?” She asks.

“No,” he shakes his head. “I just can’t believe the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met is naked on my bed, asking me to paint her.”

“You don’t get a lot of women getting naked in your bed for a portrait?” She teases before taking another drag and passing it on to Dieter.

“No,” he laughs, taking a pull of his own.

“Although, I’m not quite naked yet.” Beatrice slides off the bed and struts towards him. “Let me see what you’ve got so far.”

“No, no, it’s not quite finished—“

She takes a peek despite his protests and the breath is knocked out of her.

“Dieter, this is…” She’s at a loss for words.

“Yeah, I know, it’s… it’s really rough and—”

“This is beautiful!” She turns to him.

It’s a somewhat abstract piece with globs of paint spackled onto the canvas. He highlighted the soft features of her face and how her tendrils of long curls hung off her head. Her bright red lips pop out against the browns, beiges and yellows behind it. A splash of blue and green in the background pulls her away from the canvas. While her body isn’t complete yet, the simple and rough outline he laid out seemed intentional. If he hadn’t said anything, she would have thought he was finished.

“Thank you, you’re kind.” His face heats up as he rubs the back of his neck.

“I mean it, Dieter. Seriously! You have a gift.”

Dieter is now the one speechless. His face starts to get warm and pink.

“But maybe you need a closer look to finish this painting. Catch the details you might have missed.”

Beatrice proceeds to push her panties down until they hit the floor, which made his jaw do that as well. She then takes the joint from him, takes a big hit and straddles his lap. Leaning in, her lips graze his as she opens her mouth. He opens up his own and sucks in the smoke into his lungs. After a moment, their lips meet and they begin to make out, working up to fog his windows.

***

When Dieter wasn't at an audition or waiting on people, he spent most of his time with Beatrice. They'd sneak into movie theaters to catch a flick, especially when they were playing classics, which they both appreciated, but many times they ended up making out instead. Sometimes they'd take long strolls along the Santa Monica pier while smoking weed. At some point, she introduced him to cocaine and whatever drugs she was able to get her hands on, and in turn he would churn out pieces of art while admiring her, his muse.

They did almost everything together. They laughed, cried, loved, and tripped together. They even went on auditions together and supported each other in preparing for them. He had such a strong connection with her, sharing the same passions and navigating life together in this crazy movie town. He thought he found his soulmate.

It was the best time of his life. He was living his own Hollywood movie and he felt like he was at the top of the world, just like Jack Dawson, but he then learned he’s no Leonardo DiCaprio. As quickly as he got high on all this, the crash came down just as fast.

"I don't understand," Dieter says, confused.

"You don't make friends in this business, Dieter. You make transactions and deals."

"Wow," he could only muster up with wide eyes. "What about relationships? Friendships? Do you have any connection - a genuine connection - with anyone?"

"The only connections I need are transactional. I give something in exchange for something else, whether it be for survival, pleasure or power."

He scrubs a hand over his face and studies her for a few moments.

"So what was I? What did you get in exchange for... for whatever this is?" Dieter asks, waving his hand between them.

"You had a good time, right?" she shrugs as she throws a small smile.

"This was more than just a good time for me," Dieter shoots back with air quotes. "I-I thought we had something special. We talked about making it in Hollywood together!”

"Oh, honey..." she frowns and reaches for his face, but he flinches, pulling away from her and walking off.

"How do you-- how can you--" Dieter takes a deep breath to compose himself.

"Hollywood is going to eat you alive, sweetheart. You're not cut out for this place," Beatrice shakes her head.

"No," Dieter shakes his head. "You get one fucking role and then you think you're too good for me?"

"It's nothing personal," she explains. "I'm just playing by the rules. I didn't create them. And once I'm in, like in in, I can help maybe you get your foot in too."

Dieter is speechless. He just stares at her with misty eyes and brows turned down, shaking his head in disappointment.

“I don’t need your charity or… or your fucking connections! Did you have to suck a dick for that role?”

She looks back at him in disgust and scoffs.

“No need to be rude. I earned that role,” she replies with her arms crossed.

“That’s not a no,” he retorts.

“Whatever. I don’t need to explain myself,” she huffs. “Look, I just came to tell you I can’t see you anymore and to pick up my things and say goodbye.”

Dieter just stares at her again, trying to process what is unfolding as the reality sinks in.

“Just go. Take your shit and go,” he simply says.

After she gathers her things, she takes one more glance at him.

“Goodbye, Dieter.”

When he doesn’t respond, she finally walks out the door, leaving Dieter to cry alone and pick up the broken pieces of his heart.

#pedro pascal #dieter bravo #dieter bravo x OFC #the bubble

[cha-melodius]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks to @ninzied for the tag!

How many works do you have on ao3?

120!

What's your total ao3 word count?

1,371,932

What fandoms do you write for?

RWRB, TMFU, Lokius

Top five fics by kudos:

Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood

Nova, Baby

Class(room) Warfare

All the Old Showstoppers

Always Where I Need To Be

Do you respond to comments?

I try. I used to be very good at responding but my backlog has gotten extreme (1491 unanswered comments as of right now, if you're curious) so at this point I pretty much only answer if it's a chapter in an ongoing multichap, or someone asks a question.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have a caradin fic that's straight up a break-up fic with no resolution, but I still feel like my angstiest is probably Black Moon (napollya), because they're in love but the situation is so fucking bleak. Sorry guys.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Any of them that end with a proposal lol? I've got a lot of fluffy fics and all of my long fics end with pure fluff, so I don't think I could pick out one.

Do you get hate on fics?

I have been lucky not to really get any, at least lately. I've gotten... less than polite comments, of course, but no outright hate (knock on wood).

Do you write smut?

Yes, although I would not say it's an integral part of my writing tbh.

Craziest crossover:

Craziest might be Maybe, This Time, which is a Mandalorian/BSG crossover that involves dimension-hopping lol.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had a few of my TMFU works translated and now there's someone in the RWRB fandom that translates most (!!) of my fics into Mandarin, which is mind blowing and flattering and I'm so grateful because I've gotten comments from people who have read them translated and loved them.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet!

All time favorite ship?

I don't think I can pick one; some of my past ships are just that—past—but there are a few I will carry in my heart forever.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

If I want to finish it, I will, even if it takes a long time. I might stop wanting to finish a wip, but that's not the question is it?

What are your writing strengths?

Banter/dialogue, action, pacing, plots. People have told me that they can picture my scenes like a movie because of the description and that makes me feel good.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Although I have my moments, I don't really tend to think of my writing as beautiful. I'm just not that poetic/lyrical.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Sure! If it's in my own fic I usually have a native speaker look over it (I haven't done this lately but I have gotten Russian consults for TMFU fics).

First fandom you wrote in?

Xena: Warrior Princess, back when that show was airing. Fanfic primarily distributed over internet mailing lists and posted on your own website.

Favorite fic you've written?

Stealing Nina's idea and doing one in each of my main fandoms I've written in because it's hard to pick (even then this was rough).

Nova, Baby Series—Spy AU, Firstprince

Love is a Losing Game—Chess AU, Napollya (SHOCKER I KNOW)

What Makes a Good Man Series—Spy AU, Lokius

Here It Goes Again—The Mandalorian (Caradin but mostly Din character study in a time loop)

I'm not sure who's been tagged and who hasn't or even everyone who has done this, but a few tags below the cut. If you'd like to do it, jump in!

@kiwiana-writes, @rmd-writes, @three-drink-amy, @cricketnationrise, @14carrotghoul

@leaves-of-laurelin, @tintagel-or-cockleshells, @inexplicablymine, @firenati0n, @liminalmemories21

@orchidscript, @sparklepocalypse, @loki-is-my-kink-awakening, @mirilyawrites, @heytheredeann

@nicijones, @justabigoldnerd, @myheartalivewrites

#about my writing #about my fics