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#but oh my god i am absolutely obsessed with this album cover
runningfrom2am · 11 months
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kinda famous - d.s
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summary: after your debut album charts in the top 100, you somehow get invited to the obx3 premiere. you went there to make connections- but maybe not the exact kind you ended up leaving with.
wc: 2.6k
tags/warnings: no warnings! just a meet-cute :), drew x musician!reader
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February 16th, 2023
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Not a day went by this past year where you didn't consider yourself incredibly lucky. Your debut album saw some medial success, landing you in the Spotify top one hundred with the help of a TikTok trend to some of the lyrics from your first single. You could hardly believe it was real, sometimes. What always helped, however, is having connections.
Your best friend was a makeup artist to the stars. Working on movies like Avatar and even a few marvel films, but most notably and most recently, she's been working with Madelyn Cline. They've taken a liking to each other, having been in touch about every event, shoot, and movie she's been working on in hopes of having her new friend styling her look for the occasion. Luckily for you, your best friend is your number one fan- and hardly ever does she have a client who isn't forced to sit through your album while she's blending out the makeup on their faces or curling their hair.
Madelyn, apparently, had taken a liking to it. In the words of your best friend, "She was just gushing over it! She requests your music every time she's in my chair. I swear." So that, is how you ended up at the OBX3 premiere, shaking hands with one of the most beautiful actresses of your generation while she complimented both your dress and your music.
"I am seriously such a big fan. B/F/N put me on and I am literally obsessed." Madelyn smiles, dropping your hand.
"Oh my god, you're such a sweetheart- stop." You laugh, waving her off.
She smiles and leans in, resting her hand on your shoulder as she whispers in your ear. "Between us, I can't confirm anything just yet, but I'm working on getting you a soundtrack offer for season four."
You gasp, your hands flying up to cover your mouth to hide your shock. "No- you're literally joking!"
The blonde smiles and shakes her head, giggling and clapping her hands together excitedly. "We all listen to you on set- it's growing on the producers I think."
"Oh my god- Obviously I am so down! Allegedly, of course." You smile, winking at her.
"Yes, of course, Allegedly." She laughs, matching your wink. "I have to run, but we'll jump in for some photos together on the carpet, yeah?" Madelyn grins, giving you a quick hug and brushing past you in the direction of the curtain where everyone lines up for photos.
Feeling absolutely giddy, you're quick to lift your dress and shuffle over to the makeup room, where B/F/N was still working with some other clients doing some touch ups. "Oh my god!" You smile as you approach her chair, where she's just wiping up. You cringe internally at the sound of your music playing over her desk speaker, hearing the way you swore that the man you wrote this song about was the love of your life, and you'd be a fool to let him go. It wasn't long after the release that you ended up having to, discovering he was cheating on you with a girl from his hometown.
"Y/N! Hey girl! Did you get to talk to Mads?" She asks, looking back at you over her shoulder.
"Yes! And I have some serious tea to tell you later. Well- not serious, but good! It's definitely tea." You explain vaguely, knowing she'll understand.
"Yay! Okay, we'll debrief after." She nods. "Did you talk to anyone else?"
You instantly shake your head as she turns to face you. "God, no, I'm petrified." She doesn't answer, holding her finger up in your face and digging through her kit and pulling out a brush.
"Look up." She says, pointing to the ceiling and you oblige as she touches up the shadow under your eyes and brushes away some flaked mascara while she talks. "You need to. You've got to make some more connections- I can't carry you forever." She teases, placing the brush back in her belt when she's done. "They're a lovely cast, trust me."
You nod a little, taking a deep breath. "I just like... don't know what to do. Do I just walk around and talk to people?"
"That's the beauty of it! You're already doing it. Just show that stunning face of yours to the cameras with this beautiful dress, smile, make small talk, and opportunity will fall into your lap. I know you- everyone will love you regardless." She muses, quickly adjusting the waistline of your dress. "And report back to me- of course."
"You're not gonna come? I want some pictures with you. The world needs to see the artist behind this face." You grin, gesturing to your face of makeup and wiggling your eyebrows.
"Yes, of course." She giggles, smacking your shoulder playfully. "I'll change and come find you."
You smile and clap your hands together, bouncing in your heels. "Let's go together! I think I have to because I'm basically your plus one."
"No- absolutely not." She dismisses you quickly, closing up part of her kit and doing some quick organization. "You, my dearest Y/N, need to prove your independence in the industry. Just because you put out your Lover Era album doesn't mean you can't stand proudly on your own after the breakup. Your energy will draw all the cute boys to you. I just know it." She jokes at the end, but you know she's serious about her sentiment.
Your breakup wasn't fresh anymore- she was right. It didn't hurt and keep you up all night over heartache that you had assumed would never get better. You're thriving now, you feel like yourself again. "That's not why I'm here and you know that." You giggle.
"Of course not... It just would be a nice bonus." She shrugs. "Now shoo! You're distracting me. I'll see you in a few." She pushes you away, winking at you before returning to her cleanup duties.
You take a few breathes as you turn around, making a conscious effort to smile as you walk over to the curtain where crew is organizing people and sending them out onto the carpet.
Luckily, you spot the bar not far away, and quickly make your way over to grab a quick glass of wine before you have to step out. You try to sip on it casually, not wanting to draw attention to yourself, but craving the buzz and freedom that comes with being a little tipsy around strangers.
"You're Y/N L/N, right?" Someone approaches you, and you quickly turn to the source of the voice.
"Yes, that's me." You smile, securing your glass in one hand before holding out your hand to shake. The woman takes it, smiling politely as she shakes it.
"Lovely. We're ready for you whenever, just go check in with that lovely gentleman by the curtain and you're free to walk when you're ready." The woman smiles, quickly taking off to go deal with more crew business.
You lean back against the bar, nursing your drink still and glancing in the direction of the dressing rooms and hoping your best friend would walk out in time to join you. You give it another minute as you finish your drink, feeling adequately warmed by the alcohol in your system before approaching the curtain.
"Hey! Nice to meet you, I'm Y/N L/N." You greet the man with the clip board and he nods, giving you a thumbs up and holding the curtain back for you to step out. You take deep breaths and focus on smiling (and not tripping) as you take the few extra paces behind a wall before you'll be in view of the many cameras you can already see flashing at the cast and their friends standing already in their full view. You hear lots of voices as you walk up, but they somehow get a million times louder as you step into the lights.
This isn't your first red carpet, but it is your first premiere. Besides the backdrop curtain, they have a variety of props from the show, including the Twinkie itself, making you giddy with excitement. You make a mental note to yourself to not leave without a picture of you behind the wheel for your instagram.
"Y/N! Look over here!" You hear a dozen voiced calling your name and you decide your best move is to smile and wave, stopping and placing one hand on your hip and just glancing across the whole crowd of camera men and interviewers behind the small fence. You give it a few moments to capture hopefully enough photos for their portfolios before an interviewer pulls you over to chat with them.
"Y/N! So nice to meet you. You look absolutely stunning!" They grin, shaking your hand and holding the mic up to your lips.
"Hello! And thank you so much! It's lovely to meet you too. What's your name?" You ask, smiling at them and giving a quick wave to the cameras still flashing in your face as they record you with one closer up.
"I'm Noah. I'm with Netflix just documenting everyone here tonight." He grins. "So, we were all excited to hear you would be coming tonight! Are you a fan of the show?"
"Oh my god, I'm a huge fan." You gush, looking around at the other people on the carpet. "I was just so lucky to be invited- I was ecstatic when I got the invitation from Madelyn. So nervous, though. So, so nervous."
"I can't imagine!" He chuckles, agreeing with you. "If it makes you feel any better, we've heard from a few members of the cast that they were looking forward to meeting you."
"That does actually help a lot, thank you." You giggle, a blush covering your cheeks. "You mind telling me who, though? I'd love to know who wants to talk to me and who I should probably not bother." You joke.
"Oh, nobody to avoid here. This is one of the nicest casts I've ever worked with." Noah assures you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "That being said, the boys seemed extra keen." He winks, making you laugh.
"Oh god, okay, I'll keep that in mind." You go along with it, looking around and seeing the rest of the cast goofing off a little ways away.
"So, I have to ask, Y/N- keep in mind you don't have to answer if you don't want to, about your breakup- how are you doing? Your album is absolutely amazing, you told a beautiful story, but we've all heard about what happened afterwards." He says, and you glance down nervously, trying to maintain your smile as best you can.
"Yeah, totally. Uh-" You pause for a second. Your ex has never been in the public eye- you were highschool sweethearts, which gave your album a sense of purity and authenticity that was almost rare in modern music. With that, however, comes a responsibility to keep him out of public scandal in the fallout of the albums success. "I am doing really well. I believe my ex is as well. Of course he was always a huge inspiration for me, and he always supported me and my dreams, so I know he's still cheering me on, which is a nice feeling." You nod, smiling as Noah drops his arm from around your shoulders, patting your back.
“Well, you’re stronger than I am because I would want him to be punching the air right now.” Noah laughs.
“No! God, no, I’d never want that for him. I wish him all the success in the world, which just means something different for both of-“ You try to explain, when you get bumped from behind and stumble slightly forward. You let out a little squeak and try to turn to look what happened when someone steadies you by your waist.
“Sorry, sweetheart. Didn’t mean to knock you there.” A man chuckles, making sure you’re steady before letting you go. You’re met with blue eyes that reflect the lights and the matching colour of his suit just beautifully, and you quickly recognize him as Rafe- quickly racking your brain for the actors name. Drew- yes. That’s it.
“No! No you’re fine- I was in the way.” You say sheepishly, laughing it off and adjusting your dress again.
“Drew, Welcome back! While I’ve got you both here,” Noah says, holding the microphone up to him as he nods, leaning down a little in anticipation of the question. “Have you listened to Y/N’s album? We were just talking about it.”
Drew nods, smiling and locking eyes with you again briefly. “Yes, of course. It’s both Maddie’s favourites right now, they’ve always got it playing on set. If it wasn’t so good I’d be sick of it.” He chuckles.
“Aw- thank you!” You grin. “Thanks for listening even if it’s against your will.” Your eyes connect again and you feel yourself blushing once more, he just has this aura about him that shows he’s really listening and really cares what you have to say. “Not to plug it here or anything, but we’re almost at ten million streams on spotify so I’m feeling really proud of it, it truly was a passion project for me. Sorry…” You explain, looking back at the interviewer again, trailing off when you realize you’re acting selfishly.
“No, don’t apologize. You worked hard on it- you deserve to talk about it.” Drew cuts in before Noah can speak. “Everyone stream it- you won’t regret it.” He says, pointing to the camera.
“Yes, absolutely.” Noah agrees. “We won’t take up any more of your time, but I’ll let you know we’re all looking forward to your next album already.” He smiles, giving you a quick hug.
“Thank you!” You wave as him and his crew are quick to move onto someone else. You take a deep breath, turning and jumping slightly when you see Drew still standing there, looking down at you as you clasp your hand against your chest. “Oh, gosh. I didn’t know you were still there.” You giggle, quickly adjusting your hair.
“Sorry.” Drew chuckles, holding his hand out to you. “We haven’t properly met. I’m Drew. Or you might know me as Rafe, I guess.”
You smile, taking his hand and shaking it. “Y/N. You might know me as the girl who got cheated on right after releasing an album about how amazing her relationship is.”
This makes him laugh, dropping his head back as he lets go of your hand. “Hey, it’s good to have a sense of humour about it I guess.” He says, locking eyes with you again. His charisma is truly captivating- it’s rare you meet someone in the Hollywood scene who seems to care about anyone other than themselves.
“I’m coping.” You shrug, laughing it off with him.
“Let’s grab a few pictures together, then maybe a drink?” Drew suggests, guiding you back towards where the rest of the cast was taking photos with the beat-up van parked on the carpet. “I’ll introduce you to everyone.”
“Yeah! Yeah- thank you.” You smile, glancing over your shoulder and seeing your best friend stepping out. She quickly waved at you, giving you an excited look and a thumbs up, which you return behind his back.
No doubt the pictures of this moment will embarrass you tomorrow, but at least the debrief with your best friend in the uber home will have a lot of good things to cover.
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taglist: @slut4drudy , @madelynie , @mutual-mendes , @sadfury (i just tagged some mutuals who like my other stuff so if you want to be added or removed lmk!!)
reblogs and feedback are very appreciated as always :)
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yanderecrazysie · 1 year
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Entrance (Yandere Fan! Tsukishima)
Requested on my Quotev.
When I say that I love Yandere Fan x Famous Reader stories, I am absolutely not joking- I just freaking LOVE these stories!!! The most likely victim of a yandere would be someone in the public eye because these people are already put on pedestals and treated like gods. I’m so excited to write this asdfgfhfgsdfsad sorry for how late this is, but finally got inspiration AHH!
If you doubt me, go to a boyband concert and look around at some of the girls in the crowd and THEN tell me that not a single one of them would consider murder for their favorite band member.
Also, the way Tsukishima finds Reader’s location is based on a true story of how a psycho fan found and stalked a Japanese Pop Star named Hibiki Sato.
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Title: Entrance
Pairings: Tsukishima x Popstar Reader
WARNINGS: Yandere themes, Swearing, Slight incel vibes, not Tsukki stealing you from Yams lmao
Summary: You’re different from your bandmates- from every other idol somehow. At least, you are to your biggest, most obsessed fanboy.
entrance
/verb/
fill (someone) with wonder and delight, holding their entire attention
“Tsukki!”
The blond male sitting at his laptop paused in his typing and sent an annoyed glance to his bedroom door, which had been suddenly flung open by his closest friend.
“Shut up, Yamaguchi. Did you forget how to knock?” Tsukishima’s snide comment didn’t do anything to put a damper on his friend’s grin- if anything, the freckle-faced boy beamed even brighter.
The scowling man didn’t bother to ask his companion why he was so happy- he knew he’d find out in a moment. Sure enough, Yamaguchi eagerly brandished a shiny square case, practically shoving it towards him in excitement.
Tsukishima adjusted his glasses and studied the object- a CD case depicting a J-Pop girls’ group. The three girls were attractive in a somewhat-cutesy way. They stood close together, pearly-white grins across their faces as they held up peace signs, each of them clad in a different, glittery, pastel-colored dress with matching ribbons weaved into their long hair. The background was a faded pinkish color and covered in different illustrations of candies and sweets. A bold, bright, and cutely scribbled font above the idols’ heads declared what Tsukishima assumed was either the group’s or the album’s name: Candy Cloud.
“What the hell is this?”
Yamaguchi’s face flushed in embarrassment as his eyes darted away, his smile fading into a wistful expression. Tsukishima felt a twinge of regret for putting a damper on his friend’s spirit but… seriously? What was he thinking, acting so excited over some stuck-up celebrities?
They were all the same. Soaking up the fame and praise like narcissistic sponges when all they cared about was the money and attention their admirers gave them. The personas they showed off to the public were all for show, puppeteered by some publicist who knew what their audience wanted to see and hear.
Female celebrities were the worst- always so desperate to stay basking in the limelight that they would sell their soul to the devil if it meant that no one would forget about them. They’d pump themselves full of Botox and silicone, sleep with the most popular celebrities, and pull asinine stunts if they ever felt like the public wasn’t keeping their eyes on them.
The smiles and laughs they forced in interviews made Tsukishima sick to his stomach. So painfully fake. It was fascinating to see how bad singers were with words and how bad actors were at acting when it came to donning the masks their fans wanted to see.
He’d heard enough stories about these “sweethearts” and “oh-so-genuine” celebrities acting like disgusting monsters the moment they thought no one important was watching. Infuriating divas that verbally abuse their staff, condescending assholes that believe they’re better than everyone else, backstabbing bitches that no one likes but will never say so…
And what do their fans do when this news comes out? Even when faced with undeniable facts, they’ll defend their idol to the death, becoming utter hypocrites and making fools out of themselves. Simping for girls who would probably never know they existed and wouldn’t care about them if they did.
It didn’t matter to Tsukishima what these girls Yamaguchi was fanboying over pretended to be- he had no doubts that they went back to being self-absorbed bitches the moment the camera stopped filming.
Why would Yamaguchi invest any amount of time and effort into girls that would never know of his existence nor appreciate any support he gave them? Why couldn’t he just focus on a girl in one of their university classes or something? Tsukishima could stomach his friend gushing over just about anyone, as long as they weren’t famous.
The friend in question was looking at Tsukishima sadly, disappointed in the response he was receiving as it dampened the positive mood he’d been in, “Sorry, Tsukki, I just… thought you’d like one of them. All three of them are really cool and one’s your type.”
Tsukishima snapped back immediately, “And I’m supposed to believe she’d want to date me or something? They’re just braindead celebrities.”
Yamaguchi wilted and nodded reluctantly, muttering another apology. He stood there awkwardly as Tsukishima resumed tapping away at his keyboard and finally let out a meek excuse to leave.
“Goodbye,” said Tsukishima, not at all sad to see him go. Yamaguchi returned the parting word softly and scurried off, likely to listen to his CD at home.
As the night dragged on, a nagging feeling tugged at Tsukishima’s mind, distracting him from his essay. Why does Yamaguchi think I’d like one of them? Which one of those three girls did he think I’d even like?
Before long, the boy found himself typing “Candy Cloud” into the search bar and scanning the results. Sure enough, Candy Cloud turned out to be the group’s album name, their actual group being a mashup of parts of the members’ names. The first girl wasn’t his type, nor was the one in the middle, but the last girl, (Y/n), was just his type.
She wasn’t like the other celebrities he’d watched interviews of- she was entirely herself without a hint of deception. She giggled over the awkward moments but never lied, only ever saying “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that!” when asked a confidential question.
Her interests and values aligned with Tsukishima’s, to the point that he began to imagine that they agreed on everything. And, as one night turns to one day, turns to a week, to a month, and so on, he begins to delude himself into believing that you know who he is and already feel the way he’s beginning to feel.
Tsukishima no longer lets Yamaguchi come over.
He’s embarrassed, to a point, by how much you have taken over his living space. Your posters and pictures line his walls, your solos play on repeat, and he has every piece of merch, official or not.
Tsukishima studies the latest selfie you’d posted to your personal social media account. He grins. The name of the train station you’re at reflects in the iris and pupil of your big, beautiful eyes. It’s nearby. No more than a 15 minute drive and you’d mentioned “walking home” in the text portion of your post.
Soon enough, he’d be adding the best possible addition to his extensive collection.
You.
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7more · 4 months
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ten of my current favorite songs! thank you @tonguetyd for the tag!! these are in no particular order, i can't bring myself to rank them lol
1. disaster by blink-182
this entire ep has been on repeat but the way that tom sings the line "what do you fear, my love?" just sticks to the walls of my brain like one of those sticky hand toys
2. there is by box car racer
i associate this song so deeply with the song pretty little girl by blink from dogs eating dogs so it's funny putting it here but anyways. this song exists in a place in my brain and i live there right now
3. i'm afraid of americans (david bowie cover) by bones uk
i first heard this cover in 2018 i think and i have been obsessed ever since!! it's so good!! highly recommend bones uk to anyone who likes this cover, their music is great
4. all we know by paramore
this entire album. is so good. and pmoreblr does not give it the attention it deserves.
5. daddy lessons by beyonce
i've been listening to lemonade a lot recently, and this song has been on repeat a lot lately. don't hurt yourself will always be my favorite track, but i absolutely adore how this song is sonically different from the rest. i absolutely love the americana/country vibes from beyonce and i'd love to hear more!!
6. going away to college by blink-182
yeah i know blink is already on this list but this song again. sends me to a place in my brain that i am currently living in
7. a grave mistake by ice nine kills
THIS. SONG. the fucking GUITAR is so good oh my god
8. parklife by blur
a basic choice from blur's discography, i know, but it's just too good LMAO. i love a good spoken word bit and the way this song is written scratches an itch in my brain. when i "sing" along to the verses it makes me feel like i'm reciting the lines to a movie without bothering anyone lol
9. not nineteen forever by courteeners
what can i say. i am rapidly approaching by 20th birthday and it's hitting a little
10. cobra (rock remix) [ft. spiritbox] by megan thee stallion
THIS!!! REMIX!!! i have had it on repeat since it was released!! i absolutely love the way they blended their respective genres and it's just perfect to me.
again, thank you for the tag!! here's five more woo: @roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid @falloutgirlboy @alonetogether @ignorancelive @the--vessel and anyone else who wants to do it! please don't feel pressured to explain as much as i did lol that's just me being obsessive
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journalsouppe · 11 months
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My spread for the Great Turnabout zine!! It's such a gorgeous zine. I unfortunately couldn't snag a physical version but I absolutely adore the merch I did get! A whole scrapbook dedicated to the adventures in DGS is so magical and heartwarming.
TYSM to everyone involved I love this zine so much!!
Writing typed below!
Zine theme: A DGS scrapbook album LEFTOVER SALES
Merch List:
digital zine
emotes
fanfic booklet
thankyou.png
sticker sheet (marinewaltz)
bookmark (soaptaculart)
My thoughts:
This is truly such a beautiful and heartwarming zine. It's such a personalized scrapbook that delves in to the thoughts and memories of each character. The art and writing are gorgeous and I am such a fan on how it was formatted. It has such a sweet, domestic, and happy atmosphere, it truly makers me tear up a little. If only I was able to snag a physical edition! Ugh it is so cute but I am happy to at least get the digital plus some cute stickers + bookmark!! DGS is such a wonderful story and I am so happy to see others share the love.
Tank you to all the creators and mods! I absolutely adore the entire zine. I hope y'all are proud of the stupendous work done!!
Note to self: take inspiration in the formatting and style of this zine!!
Comments:
I love the scrapbook theme!!
The cover is ADORABLE
The tiny doodles! SO CUTE!
I'm obsessed with each character having a distinct writing style
I like the addition of the business card!!
The tape + small trinkets is such a nice touch
the addition of the court case documents is so smart
gosh I love these stickers
all of the art is so good I love the combo of styles
omg the paper art image... so cool and unique!
man I wish I could've gotten a physical edition T-T
omg a cocoa butter and earl grey cake recipe
BABY IRIS AHHH
the last comic being Phoenix and Trucy finding the album... oh my god T-T
the magicians playing card art is so cool!!
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madisonbeersource · 8 months
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HIIII 💙💙💙 how are you, beautiful angel?
I'm finally here again, I've missed it and I feel like it's been a while since I've posted here although I really don't think it was that long ago. I don't know hahaha but what I do know is that there is a lot to talk about.
To start with we have to talk about Spinnin and OH MY GOD where do I start? I am simply IN LOVE AND OBSESSED WITH EVERYTHING RELATED TO THIS SONG. I think it's one of my favorite Madison songs of my life and right now it's my favorite song. I feel like spinnin is one of those songs that touches your soul, you know what I mean? I think it's a deep song that you can relate to in different ways and it's SO SO precious..... THE BRIDGE OF THE SONG... HELLO? I'm still obsessed MADISON HAS AN AWESOME VOICE and I don't understand how she doesn't get more recognition, because wow just wooow. this song shows perfectly how talented she is.
And the mv? God, I LOVE IT I think it's also one of my favorites, not only of Mads songs, but of all music videos in general. It is a piece of art, every scene, the aesthetics, the drama and madison's performance.... I could talk for hours about this song
The scene where Madison puts clothes in the washer and of course, spins around like Spinnin is how Madison is a genius. The scene where she runs through the corn field and the birds standing still in the sky is too cute, and then when she is on her knees with the spotlight pointed at her in front of the cars WHAT EMOTION, WHAT FEELING I literally had goose bumps
In fact, bringing up the subject of the scene of Madison running in the cornfield I like this image better as the album cover than the other one that was there. Don't get me wrong, the other cover was great and she looked super cute, but the new album cover... I love it. I think it fits really well with the album
And another super important thing, THE SNIPPETS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'm super super super excited. Sweet relief I really like it, I love the vibes it has and I can't wait to listen to the whole thing, Envy the leaves (which if I'm not mistaken was one of the songs you were claiming, no?) I thought it was super nice, it's going to be a GREAT song and 17 seems to me a very interesting one. The first time I listened to it I didn't love it, but now that I've listened to it a couple of times I really like it too, I think it's original and very cool . Which one did you like the most?
I'm looking forward to listen to the rest
Aaand before I say goodbye, (although I know, I'm back to writing a lot again but there was so much to say) I wanted to tell you that lately I'm obsessed with some Taylor Swift songs. I remember you like her a lot and I happened to be listening to Enchanted and I love this song, it's just too beautiful. And then I rediscovered her song Wildest dreams and it IS A VERY GOOD SONG, I adore it. And finally I discovered two days ago her song This love which I find super super super beautiful, I would say it transports me.
Now with these three songs I feel like falling in love with someone very deeply. I would also like you to tell me what are your favorite Taylor's songs, I'm looking forward to discover or rediscover more of her music.
Now that I've written the equivalent of the Bible... I assure you that very soon I'll write you again, probably with another huge text hahaha
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💗 you are the person I like to fangirl with the most, I feel you understand me very well
HI MY LOVE!! <3 I'm doing good babes wbuuu??
OMG i'm still so hyped about your trip that u took this is SO F-ING cool
she punched me right in the guts w spinnin ngl...dear society's music video was MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE until spinnin it IS SO FKING CLOSE to be my ultimate favorite and omg THE LYRICS???????????? HELLO MISS BEER CAN U NOT JUST STAB ME IN THE THROAT W A LYRICAL PARADISE??? I WAS LIKE.....UGH NO WORDS. the way everything stops but her dog (CUTE?) and the moments she runs through the tall grass??? A FEELING OF FREEDOM I was like tearing up when i watched it, and in the end you don't know if it went back to normal or not i felt like in Interstellar it was ....JUST PERFECT!! <3 the way she started w "Did the world stop spinnin'? Nothin' seems to change, I'm stuck at the beginnin' and I'm in pain" and ends it w "I'm still in pain" LIKE?????????????????????? IM BAWLING
CAN WE APPLAUSE HER MIND?? the music video makes the song that is already so pretty 100 times better!! YES ENVY THE LEAVES!! but sweet relief SOUNDS SO GOOD OMG THIS ALBUMMMM WILL B THE DEATH OF ME!!!! but i'm in love w envy the leaves already i know it's gonna b one of the fave!! i think i liked envy the leaves and sweet relief the most but 17 sounds gut punching !!! cause we know that 17 wasn't an easy age for her ://
ME TOO!!!
OMG taytay you remember me loving her marry me. istg she became one of my pioneer artist ??? like I never thought she would but ever since her reputation album that was my main album during a time i was in hospital ...........i've taken time to dive into her genius and i understand her hype now and i am so mad at me for not recognizing that sooner cause ALL TOO WELL???? THE 10 MINUTE VERSION?? OMG AND THEN HER MIDNIGHTS ALBUM???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? COULD'VE WOULD'VE SHOULD'VE & THE GREAT WAR????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAH THOSE SONGS I CANT but enchanted is so pretty and enchanting and soooo her idk she is one of our best female artist ever I'm so glad she is killing her and omg sabrina carpenter is doing her first part hell i would LOVE TO FEEL IT LIVE
hm so all too well (10 minutes version), the great war, carolina, lavender haze, snow on the beach, vigilante shit, the great war, would've could've should've, (ALL HER MIDNIGHTS ALBUM TBH), evile, august, invisible strings i think on top of my head those are the ones i listen on a daily!!
sdefghgfds i missed our session omg imagine if we called each other i think we'd spend the day on the phone sdfgbhgfds but please keep writting ur bibles i love it
I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCCHHHHHHH
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hyunjinspark · 2 years
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its okay if you are still editing, take your take!! 💓 while reading the asks i've been wondering more and more about the author behind my favourite story ever, you honestly sound very interesting
i was wondering if you could talk a bit about yourself, if you are comfortable!!! if not it's totally fine love
hii ! 💕💕
oh my god hahah. well you got me blushing ☺️
im not sure what exactly to tell you, but i will tell you random facts about me hahaha, but under the cut because im kind of embarrassed talking about myself 😭
okayy, this is going to be super random and not really relevant but umm im 24, im an art student. 🫶🏻 rest is under the cut ✌🏻
i graduated in design and psychology !! and rnnn im in my masters in art direction, and graphic design (it’s basically designing for entertainment and for brands, so movie posters, album covers, websites, apps, makeup packaging, experiences, etc, etc)
i live and die for thai food, and im a hopeless romantic🥺💕 (lmao not that being the same sentence) ive been in two relationships, and i loooove being in love, or having a crush on someone. my parents met at a bruce springsteen concert, and my mum used to be the biggest fangirl, (look at me now)
i am obsessed with and consume zombie media on the weekly, and pop culture has been so important to my inspirations growing up, and writing is my favorite thing to ever do. i love buying fandom merch, and i love love love clothes. 🥺🫶🏻
im an enfj, and i love films, and rock music, and ive lived in europe for quite some time of my life and really loved it. i am an absolute sucker for and will devour the shit out of cute stuff and i also love video games 🙏🏻 i can’t think of anything else to say haha 😅
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kiridarling · 3 years
Text
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𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐄
d.kaminari and h.sero | f!reader + corruption + weed/shotguning + praise + threesome + more! minors dni!
— 3.6k words
"I knew I wanted you the second I saw you."
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Denki’s addicted to the pre-concert high.
His veins hum with a song that has yet to start, fingers drumming some mixed beat on the body of his electric guitar as he assumes his place on the dark stage. The theater’s dead silent, the room suspended in a titilating anticipation—and the steady rhythm Denki's heart dissapates into chaos when the faint crack of Eijirou's drumsticks bounce off the walls, and the click in his earpiece begins.
Eijirou hits the kick drum once. Twice. Then his hands fly across the set in a flurry, the rolling beat echoing into the packed arena and spurring the crowd to explode, fans flying to their feet to render their vocal cords for the night.
As the other instruments fill the blank space, Denki's hand grips the back of his guitar's neck, on hold for his solo, and by the time the electric blond steps up to the mic, pavlov's theory has already kicked in overdrive.
"Who’s ready to feel good tonight?”
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“Dude, I’m on fucking fire!” Denki vibrates, nearly glowing in comparison to his bandmates as they sift through a flurry of fans at a meet and greet. It always seems like Denki and Eijirou are the only ones with energy after a good show—but what can he say? Being on stage lights him up like a live wire.
"You said that last concert, buddy," Hanta snorts, before his a fan ran sacks his attention by shoving a tiara into his hairline.
"And? My point still stan—" Denki cuts himself off with a gasp as a bra slings across his face, followed by a burst of pain when the metal hits him in the cheek. He peels the lacy thing off with an eye on the audience and an eyebrow raised in question, unsure of what to do with the undergarment (other than put it on) until someone screams:
“Sign it!”
Denki shrugs and pops the Sharpie cap with his teeth to sign the crest of both cups before flinging it back into the audience—he can only pray it pinpoints its rightful owner before the meet and greet ends.
Katsuki clicks his tongue (because he hates these events) and as the next round of fans lineup in front of their table, Eijirou stretches like this is a sport, saying, “Guess it’s go-time.”
"Go-time is when we perform," Katsuki grumbles in the seat to Denki’s right. "Go-time is when we're in the studio makin' a goddamn album, not meeting crazy fuckin' fans—no, I’m not gonna marry you, you obsessed fuckin—“
“Oh, you're just salty you're not popular with the ladies~“ Denki gushes, wiggling his eyebrows, and a fan hands him a canvas the size of his upper body. “Un—oh wow, did you make this for me—Unlike me, of course.”
"Okay, pretty boy." Hanta rolls his eyes, before signing a phone case and returning it to an overzealous fan. With a hand covering his mouth, he whispers, “Can you believe this guy? So full of himself, I swear.”
The fan giggles and Hanta meets the blushing cheeks with a satisfied smirk. Denki huffs from the disrespect, crossing both arms over his chest. “Full of myself? It’s not my fault I’m sexy—*an autograph? Of course!"
Katsuki chuckles, scratching under his chin with ink blue fingertips, "Call yourself sexy one more fuckin’ time and I'm projectile vomiti—no, I'm not signing your tits, give me a goddamn paper or somethin—"
"What?” Denki scoffs, chest collapsing with the disbelief that one could make such a lie. “I'm literally the definition of I'm sexy and I kno—"
"Um, excuse me?"
His gesticulations freeze at the passive voice, arms stretched wide and to the sky, and Denki knows he has to look absolutely ridiculous as he blinks down at the next person in-line; who's stood with bambi eyes and such a sweet smile the electric blond thinks it might make him sick.
"I-I'm your biggest fan! Could you—um, please sign this for me?"
She comes alive, shoving a poster into his chest with pink cheeks and shifty irises. Out of all the bras, all the breasts he's been asked to sign today, and here you are, with your pocket-sized poster and your lamb countenance. Denki beams.
"Of course, Sweetness! What's your name?"
"[Y/N]!" you say, giggling, and it's so. Cute. Denki opens the Sharpie and struggles to focus on signing instead of your gorgeous fucking face.
"Anything specific you'd like me to say?"
And he knows there's a rule—there always are when it comes to these things, and it's simple: don't fuck the fans. As tempting as it is, don't invite them back to your hotel room because there are too many uncertainties, and if something leaks to the press that’s possibly career ending, that’s it. So, Denki holds his tongue. For the future of himself and the band.
"Uhm, just write what you want! I...I think I'd like it best if it was authentic and came straight from you, so."
Fuck. Of course she does.
And maybe Denki just can't help it when he leans down to speak, perhaps a little lower, "You want something more authentic, cutie?"
You light up like a kid on Christmas, gasping, "Yes please Mr. Kaminari!"
So eager, too.
"Awe, you can call me Denki if you'd like," he coos, and you nod so quickly he starts to worry about whiplash. "Meet me out back, in the alley behind the venue if you wanna get to know me better. Sound like a deal?”
"O-Okay!" You nod, and when he returns your sign you grip it tight between both hands. "I'll um, see you soon Mr. Kami—I mean, D-Denki!"
You flush from the mix up and bow in apology, and Denki knows he's made the right choice when you light up, indicating you have no idea what he meant at all.
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"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream," you hum, sniffling. You’re unsure if your nose is running, it's too frozen to tell, and it has you patting to confirm it’s presence. With your hands stuffed in your pockets and a jacket wrapped tight around your body, you'd think you'd be warm, but no.
The alley is dark. It's dank enough that you can smell it and you're positive what you're dancing in is vomit, but none the matter—today, you met your favorite band. Literally the people you'd die for.
"Merrily, merrily," kicking the loose rocks in the gravel every which way, you enjoy the sound of them scattering against the surrounding brick walls. "Merrily, merrily..."
"Life is but a dream," a voice finishes, a yelp rips from your throat and you jump twenty feet in alarm. But you’d know that voice anywhere; Denki chuckles at your reaction and it has you recoiling with timidity, unprepared for the surprised audience. "You have a lovely voice, Cutie. You should use it more often."
"I..." but you're not exactly sure what to say to that, knowing Denki's heard so many professional voices in his career to last a lifetime, and yet yours is lovely. "T-Thank you."
Denki watches your reaction with a hum and a smile, his visible breath escaping between the slit of his lips and into the cool air.
"Of course, Cutie."
Another voice sighs, shattering the friction that fills your gut when Denki gives you that look. You're not sure what to call it, but it makes you shiver, and that's enough to make you to run and hide.
"...Denki, who's this?"
"Um," the blond places his frozen hands in his pockets and swivels his head around to Hanta, guilty written all over his face. "A fan?"
Hanta sighs again, head tilting to the right in exhausperation, “Denki—"
"I know, I know," the electric blond sighs, waving him off. "But it's fine as long as we don't get caught, right?"
Hanta's black hair threatens to fall into his face so he combs through it, and you try not to drool at the sight of his bicep flexing. "Yeah, until we get caught."
A honk blares and it has you shrieking, to reveal a parked tour bus in the alley once the lights flicker on. Denki points the car keys at the vehicle and the doors swing open. "Awe c'mon, don't be a sour puss. It's a one-time thing, alright?"
Hanta's eyes narrow into slits.
"Seriously, dude! I'm a man of my word! On God."
The noirette's shoulders sag, but he waltzes around both of you to get on the bus. Over his shoulder, he warns, "Denki I swear to fucking god—"
"I'll be careful, I'll be careful~" he singsongs, hopping onto the stairs after the pianist. When Denki notices not you're not moving, he stills at the top step. "You coming, [Y/N]?"
"O-Oh, am I um, am I allowed?" You ask, biting your cheek at the thought of what Hanta just said as you peer around the electric blond’s body. Denki snorts, rolling his eyes.
"Yes, you're allowed," he exits the bus, only to tug you on via your collar. "Now c'mon! Let's have some fun, yeah?"
"Okay!"
Denki steers you through the bus and into a space that looks a bit like a living room, with a couch, tv, and a makeshift kitchen in the corner. Following Denki to the kitchen, you look around.
"Where are Kirishima and Bakugou?"
"Out drinking," Denki tosses, flicking open a RedBull. You wonder if this is always the post-concert routine. Hanta fiddles in with something on the couch, but he still has yet to look you in the eyes tonight, even when you ask him:
"What are you doing?"
It seems he didn't realize you’ve relocated from the kitchen to the couch next to him from the noirette nearly jumps. The green stuff in his fingers crumbles, and you scrunch your nose at the smell.
"It stinks," you add. Denki snorts, jumping onto the cushion to your right. There isn’t a whole lot of room and his addition causes your shoulders to slush between the two of them, but it’s strangely comfortable.
"It's weed," he explains like it's obvious. "You smoke, Cutie?"
"Obviously not," you and Hanta say at the same time. You turn his way, and for the first time that night, Hanta looks you in the eyes—and it's a smile, with his eyes crinkling in the corners, but there's...something else. Something else hidden behind the thinnest veil that makes you cower, if ever so slightly.
Something feral.
Denki, unaware of the crushing grip your hand has around your thigh, huffs, and tosses the energy drink down his gullet, "It was a genuine question! Geez."
"What are you doing?" You ask again, and the electric blond whimpers from being ignored.
"Rolling a joint," he utters, lifting the paper to his lips to lick the length. You watch, semi-disgusted, as Hanta finally folds over the last bit of paper around the crest of the joint, gluing it together.
"Know what a joint is?" The noirette implores.
"Yeah," you breathe, shifting at the new closeness Denki provides when you feel his chest against your back. "My roommate smokes, so."
Hanta taps it on a tray, or what Denki describes as "packing it down," before twisting the tip and tossing it back onto the tray in conclusion. Denki cheers.
"Aha! The joint-rolling master has blessed us! Everyone say thank you, joint-rolling master."
"Thank you, joint-rolling master!" You giggle when Hanta's face turns a ruddy red. He reaches over to pop Denki upside the head. Denki gasps, before lunging to return the favor, and you squeal from being jostled between two men.
"Okay," when Denki returns to his seat he's panting and so is the noirette. He picks the joint off the tray and though there isn't much room, turns so he's facing you, your legs smushed against his body indian style. "You ready, Cutie?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," you huff, swinging your arms in preparation despite the lack of space. Just in case.
Hanta snorts, holding the joint to your lips, and Denki raises the lighter and raises it to the end until it's hot enough to burn on its own.
“Now suck."
You do, cheeks puffing, and you blow the smoke straight in Denki's face. It's...a lot.
"Not quite," Hanta chuckles, and flips you via the waist so you're facing him. Denki whines from the change but finds solace in hooking his chin over your shoulder. "Suck, and then inhale. Act like it's a big breath—you gotta hold it in your lungs for a sec."
"Okay," you assert with a nod, eyes burning with a new determination. When Hanta holds it to your lips, you suck and inhale, and start coughing your throat raw, in a flurry of smoke and tears, eyes watering and nose burning. You scramble for water, but by the time you get some, the only thing that's left to soothe is a sore throat.
"Here," Denki offers, grabbing the joint before flipping you his way again. "Take smaller hits, like this."
Denki's mouth wraps around the tip and smoke pours from his lips so smoothly you're determined to do the same. With a raised eyebrow, he passes it back to you, and though it takes a moment, you try again.
The back of your throat tingles but the glide is much smoother, and you find that it doesn't burn on your next exhale. So you do it again. And again. And agai—
"Okay," Hanta picks the joint from your fingers with a click of his tongue, before taking a hit himself. You frown, making grabby hands.
"Hey, wai—"
"Nu-uh," he tuts, pushing you down by your forehead. "You'll feel it soon enough, trust me."
You whine, crossing your arms over your chest. Hanta gives you nothing but a raised eyebrow as he takes another hit, and you're convinced it's to taunt you. "I'm not eve—"
But then the world blurs, a bit, and your legs hum in a way they haven't before; it's warm and it's nice, and it has you blinking down at your hands in bewilderment. Whoa.
"And there she goes," Denki announces, and somehow seized the joint from the noirette when you weren't looking. Your mouth drops to say something, but all you can produce is a light giggle before it melts into a guffaw that only comes straight from the gut, your hands trying to soothe your cramping belly. Tears come to your eyes fairly easily, and when Hanta asks if you're okay he sounds like he's underwater, and that's enough to send you flying through another fit of laughs.
"I—y-yeah, I'm just—just fine," you snort behind a hand, chest spasming as you finally gather yourself enough to calm down. "I'm good. Mhm."
"Yep. Totally fine," Hanta says, but something in his tone suggests he doesn't believe you at all.
You nod, biting your bottom lip to avoid another laugh attack with your hands bunching the bottom of your shirt for extra purchase. Hanta narrows his eyes while taking another hit, so you sock him in the shoulder with a huff. "Stop looking at me like that."
The noirette snorts, "Like what?"
"Like..." you start strong, but falter under his eyes. "Like you want to eat me."
Hanta hums at the comment but says nothing, and you're not sure if your mind fabricated the quick look he gives the electric blond sat behind you. Denki speaks first.
"Do you know what shotgunning is, [Y/N]?"
You frown, "Like a shotgun?"
"So no," Hanta answers for you.
"Here," Denki offers, turning you again. Plucking the nub of a joint from the noirette, he takes a big hit before picking your face up by the jaw and hovering your lips over yours. You're not sure what to do, but once your lips connect, smoke fills your lungs, and you don't exhale until Denki pulls away. You blink, a little dazed.
You just kissed Denki Kaminari.
"Feel good?" He asks, never leaving your personal space. You nod, and he grins. "Wanna do it again?"
Your hands fist his shirt, teeth tearing the inside of your cheek due to the amount of embarrassment this question encourages. "I wan—can we do it again but without the um...without the smoke?"
Denki's hands find your hips and it's hard for him to contain a sly smirk, biting his lips to move in on his prey.
"I knew I waned you the second I saw you."
Denki's lips feel much better when he puts a little weight into the kiss, pinning you between him and the noirette. You're not exactly sure what you're doing but he takes the lead, titling his head and kissing harder, rougher, so your lips are pink and swollen by the time he pulls away.
"A-Another," you whimper, tightening your grip around his tee.
Denki hums in contemplation, picking your head up by your chin. "Ask nicely, Cutie."
Flushing deeper, your eyes dart to the coffee table.
“Another, please."
"Good girl," Denki coos, and he's propping you up against Hanta's chest. You shiver at the comment, finding purchase on Hanta's thighs as Denki kisses you on the lips again. "Wanna feel even better?"
"Yes," you nod vehemently. "Yes please."
Denki hums at that, climbing down your body as his hands glide from your waist to the band of your pants. You frown, "What—What are you doing?"
"Eating you out, Cutie," the electric blond says, hands freezing once his thumbs dip under your waistband. "That okay?"
"Oh okay," you breathe, relaxing against Hanta's chest. "Y-Yeah, that's fine."
Denki rips your pants off at that, tossing them towards the corner of the room and ultimately, to a place you'll probably never find them. Pushing your panties to the side, he licks his lips at the sight of your pussy, and flicks your clit with a smirk. You jump.
"H-Hey, that's not—"
He flattens his tongue against your slit and chuckles when you shudder, and after tossing both of your legs over his shoulders. You're not sure what he does after that though, because Hanta picks your face up by the chin and presses his lips to yours.
Denki slides a finger inside and you squeal against Hanta's chapped lips. You hear the electric blond moan, readjusting himself between your thighs, before you finally peel your lips off the noirette's, chest having from lack of oxygen.
"Such a pretty pussy, Baby," Denki gushes before his warm lips fold around your clit and he sucks, humming in surprise when you buck against his mouth. Hanta hooks his chin around your shoulder with a second joint dangling between his lips—and where it came from is beyond you.
Once he exhales, the joint finds its way between your lips and he instructs you to inhale, and the head rush afterwards has you digging your head into his chest.
"You're so wet, holy shit," Denki pulls away, lips strawberry pink and glossed with slick as he trades his both for his thumb and inserting another finger. It crooks just right and that's enough to make your hips buck, nails carving crescents in Hanta's thighs.
“T-There,” you whimper, wiggling your hips again, and Denki grins, thumb pressing into your clit. Your thighs quiver with the strain it takes to hold them back and Hanta’s calloused hands skip to your waist after dropping the burning joint off in the tray.
“Pull his hair,” the noirette commands, but you hesitate, hands glued to his thighs. Hanta sighs, reaching over you to tug for himself.
“Mph—fuck!” Denki’s eyelids flutter as he moans into your pussy with a new passion, his hands wrapping around your thighs to hold you in place. You gasp at his reaction, fingers scrambling under Hanta’s own to thread through his electric blond hair.
“Move your hips—grind against his face, c’mon,” Hanta’s grip tightens around your waist as he offers the suggestion, and you whimper with a nod before your bucking into Denki’s mouth without abandon. As the noirette trails butterfly kisses up the column of your neck, the coil in your gut snaps, and you barely have time to squeak out a warning before you’re flooding Denki’s mouth.
“Good girl...ride it out—there you go,” Hanta coos, biting your ear. You shiver as Denki pulls away with a final (and obscene) slurp, grinning like he didn’t just shatter you to pieces with nothing but his tongue and fingers.
Denki’s lips are on yours in a blink—you moan, legs still buzzing from the afterglow as you weakly grope for the small hairs on the back of his neck.
“Taste good, don’t ya?” He says with a click of a tongue after pulling away.
“I guess so,” you flush, the humiliation from so shamelessly digging your heels into Denki’s back finally settling in. Hanta reaches under your arm for Denki’s chin.
“What? Want a taste too?” The electric blond giggles, wiggling his eyebrows. Hanta snorts.
“If you could be so kind.”
Denki hums at that, placing a hand on your inner thigh for balance as he slams his lips on the noirette’s for the first time that night. He dives straight for the kill, tongue and teeth and everything, and Denki moas when Hanta’s teeth sink into his bottom lip; you find that you like it a lot.
Though eventually you tired of watching, and press the heel of your hand on Hanta’s hard cock through the fabric of his jeans. The pianist hisses, and you grin—you’ve got their attention now.
“Whoa Sweetheart, what are y—“
“I...I want more,” you assert despite the tremor in your voice. Hanta raises an eyebrow in question which has you pressing harder in hopes he’ll cave just as easily as before. Just in case, you add, “Please.”
Denki redirects your attention by squishing your cheeks until you’re looking him in the eyes. With dark eyes, he says, “You sure you want more, Cutie?”
You nod despite the restriction, “Wanna...wanna get to know you better.”
You watch Denki’s pupils dialate at that, and he can’t even hold back a groan when he says:
“Gods, Baby. We’re going to ruin you.”
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unpopular opinion: bakugou's the bassist and kirishima's the drummer. fight me.
not me projecting 12yo sun's fantasy of getting railed in the tour bus by 5sos um—
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itsallyscorner · 3 years
Text
Sour
Pairing: Previous Tom Holland x singer!reader (fem)
Summary: You reflect on your past relationship and thus sour is born. Kinda social media fic.
Warnings: angst? Has a hint of heartbreak, no dialogue, this is me word vomiting.
A/n: Honestly just wrote this to get it out of my system. I might be writing more Sour related fics because I’m obsessed with the album, also you guys can always send in requests :) I hope you guys like it💜
✧∘* ೃ ⋆。˚.
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✧───── ・ 。゚★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧
People do stupid things for love. Though the phrase is overused, it’s true. That’s why it’s called Crazy, Stupid, Love. Love can be defined as both crazy and stupid. It’s a thrilling adventure that has its ups and downs. Where you’ll end up? You’ll never know, as the conclusions of love can be unpredictable. Some people end up happily living their lives with their special person. While others are left heartbroken, searching every lonely place and corner for a lover that’ll last forever.
You were stupidly and embarrassingly in love with the boy from Kingston. You poured your heart and soul to show him how much you loved him. You were willing to bend over backwards and hand him the world on a silver platter. But now you and your heart were just victims of his journey to get to her.
The pictures weren’t a shock to you. Though you carried a heavy heart, you weren’t surprised to see them so happily together. As much as it hurt you to admit it, they belonged together and she always had his heart. Even when you were in a relationship with Tom, he was never fully yours. Instead, you were just a replacement to fill in the emptiness she left on his heart. You didn’t exactly fit, but you were willing to love him with every ounce of your being, that he decided to make it work.
Tom would never intentionally hurt you, there wasn’t a single bad bone in that man’s body. It might be foolish of you to continue defending his actions towards you and your feelings, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say a bad thing about him. You could have called him a traitor and a liar. You could have screamed at him about how he betrayed you and played with your feelings. But you couldn’t. You could never say those things to his face and all those unspoken words would be kept inside.
Though unspoken words are a dangerous thing. They took over your brain until they were the only things you thought about and piled above each other until you couldn’t take it anymore. All the things you wanted to say and ask Tom were building up inside you, waiting for you to combust.
Then you exploded.
As an artist, you wanted to be a role model for your fans. A way you did that was through your music. Through the lyrics of your songs you showed your fans the importance of self love and being true to themselves. Part of being a good role model for your fans was honesty. With the state of your mind, you didn’t have the willpower to write anything empowering or upbeat. The words your wrote consisted of heartache, Tom’s faults, and all the things you did to call him yours. If this was your way of teaching your fans to embrace their feelings and understanding closure, then this album was it.
This wasn’t a love letter to Tom confessing how much you wanted him back. No, this was your goodbye.
(Cover art made by yours truly)
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🖤 Liked by taylorswift, oliviarodrigo, harryholland64, and 4,607,879 others
(y/n)(l/n) SOUR is out EVERYWHERE now💜 this album is my most personal one yet and to be able to share this with all of you is very special to me. each song means so much to me and have a special place in my heart. thank you to everyone involved for making this album a reality, i love you all so much x
oliviarodrigo: I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE☝🏻
taylorswift: I am beyond proud of you! Everything about this is beautiful, you’re an absolute poet♥️
(y/n)scloset: OH MY GOD SHE RELEASED AN ALBUM??!!!
vancityreynolds: I hope you learn to parallel park🥰
harryholland64: congrats busy bee 🐝🥳🥳
tomholland_world: I 🗣HOPE 🗣I 🗣WAS 🗣YOUR🗣FAVORITE 🗣 CRIME🗣
daily(y/n): WOW THIS ALBUM HURTS
daily(y/n): I DIDNT NEED TO CRY TODAY BUT THANK YOU (Y/N)
tomhvideos: SHE’S PULLING A TAYLOR AND IM HERE FOR IT AGHHHHHHH YESS
arianagrande: i love you so much wow🥺🤍
tuwaine: THE GOAT. Excited for this👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
tomdayasstan: imagine writing an album for attention🙄✋
selenagomez: my heart!! You deserve the world❤️❤️❤️✨
(y/n/n)videos: imagine hating on such talent🙄 If you don’t have anything nice to say GET OFF her page.
(l/n)swiftgrande: THIS ALBUM IS GOING TO BREAK RECORDS!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU🥺💜
bretmanrock: BITCH GO OFF THE FUCKKKKK
hazosterfield: Will be listening to this all day, congrats (y/n/n)🥳🥳💜
tomholland2013: proud of you❤️
wandas_vision: EYE— 👁 👄 👁
tomsholland: wait a damn minute☝️
sour(l/n): lmao the AUDACITY
✧∘* ೃ ⋆。˚.
🏷 Tags
*if there’s a line through your url, tumblr won’t let me tag you :(*
Tom Holland x reader Tags ↴
↪︎ @lovableparker @aprettyfleur @sunwardsss @dummiesshort @thotforcriminalminds @cuddlykoala101 @itstaskeen @whoslili @white-wolf1940 @tomsirishgirlx @roseke @kaylans-imagines @spideyspeaches @slut-for-steve-rogers
General Tags (besties) ↴
↪︎ @my-divine-death @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @thegirlwiththediary @agustdowney @bi-lmg @rqmanoff @sesamepancakes @stardustofreading @dracoswhore007 @alyssathesoftie @amourtentiaa @ifyouknewhowmiserylovedme @kaitieskidmore1 @6r4cie
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cecilspeaks · 4 years
Text
175 - The October Monologues
[static] [slightly distorted] The trees are dying again. You know it, I know it. The trees know it. They have known it for decades, centuries in some cases. The shiver of cyclic, symbolic death. A rattle in the cold night air. A rustle in the footsteps of a hungry deer. It is October and something is different. It is October and the trees draw the crackling red and orange curtain in the year’s final act. It is October, and so listeners, dear listeners, Night Vale community radio is proud to introduce The October Monologues.  
Faceless Old Woman: I am lonely. Oh, I see people. I see lots of people every day. I see you right now. I see you, Caleb, sitting in your rolling desk chair, hunched over your computer. I am a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, watching you download yet another video game, Caleb.
But seeing people and being with people are different things. Different ideas altogether. I miss touch most of all. A father’s hand, a friend’s arms. A lover’s chest. I still touch, am touched, but it is not the same. It is not a mutual touch. My touch is unwelcome, unfriendly, unwanted. Yet I touch because I love.
And I love you, Caleb. I do. I know you don’t believe me after what I did to you tonight, but I do. My love is not romantic nor maternal. It’s not platonic, either. I love you the way a deer loves a cornfield. It is safe, it is nourishing. It is in its DNA to want to be there, to hide, to eat, to play. You’re very much like a cornstalk, Caleb. You are loved and you are benign. Better than benign, you are a contribution to this world. The cornstalk is unaware that a deer loves it so much that it will bend it and stomp it until its edible morsels spill out from its crumpled empty husk. The cornstalks, there are so many cornstalks, do not understand that they are so loved by the deer as to be devoured.
You’ve seen a kitten before, Caleb, I know you have. Sometimes kittens are so cute. So so so so cute that you wanna put them in your mouth. Do you understand that kind of love, Caleb, that kind of touch? You do not, no one does. And this is why I’m lonely. But I think you know that. You’re different. You’re lonely too. That’s not what makes you different, we’re all lonely in our own way.
You’re different, Caleb, because you know I am here. You see me even when I do not want to be seen. No one has been able to do that in at least 200 years. Sometimes you speak to me. Not in terror, not in rage; I’ve heard many of these voices in my life from those who feared and detested my presence. No, you ask me my name. I won’t tell you, not yet. You tell me about your day, I’m sorry your new boss is so mean, I will rectify this. And last night, you prepared a dinner for me. You’re not a good cook, I can smell that much, but it was your gesture of generosity that touched me. You made cashio e pepe, a recipe you learned from TikTok, and you prepared a bowl just for me. You waited to see if I would appear, and when I did not, you told me you understood wanting to eat alone, so you left it for me on the dining room table, as you went to play the new flight simulator.
Few men have ever been this kind to me before being frightened into it first, or without using their kindness as a disguise. I think you genuinely understand your own quiet desperation among the mass of men. And in turn, you understand others too. I don’t trust the kindness of men, Caleb. I don’t trust the kindness of women, either. Or anyone else’s kindness, to be truthful, but I especially don’t trust men’s kindness. There are exceptions. Andre, whose kindness was loyalty and honesty, and Albert, although his was a much different kind of kindness.
But Caleb, 23-year-old, unshaven, video game loving, boss hating aimless Caleb, your kindness frightens me. I’m scared of what you want, what it is you plan to take from me. Kind men have stolen my childhood, my morals, my money, my love, my life, and my family. What will you take from me, Caleb, that I have not already lost? I’m afraid. I’m afraid to respond to your gentle bait of friendship, because I am afraid you will take my loneliness from me. I am lonely, and that is a choice I have made for myself.
One day, Caleb, you will die. I know exactly when. It will not be of my hand, although I will do nothing to stop it. It is my fate, my path, to know such things. And in your death, you will return my loneliness to me, and it will be a horror to behold, bloody and misshapen. My loneliness, not recognizing its former owner, will howl an unholy and unceasing cry, and I will not be able to bear it.
This is what I fear, Caleb, and this is why I took the bowl of cashio e pepe you left for me and hurled it against the wall, just missing your cheek. I’m not sad that you screamed at me, I’m happy that you did so. This is how it has to be. We are not enemies, Caleb, no no. I love you deeply. Deeper than you can know. I am your deer Caleb, and you are my corn.
Cecil: The fiery flash of fall leaves stuns us, captivates us. Fireworks in slow motion. Or the crackling embers of a finishing flame. Upon the leaves are written instructions for how to make oxygen, how to give life, with every exhalation. How  to find flair in fading grace, and how to raise new life by falling to your death. The leaves know they will return again, so much will return again. We return now to the October Monologues.
Michelle Nguyen: There’s this new song I like, but I don’t wanna tell you what it is. I find it kind of embarrassing. Usually I love to talk about my favorite music. There was that summer I was obsessed with the new single by Saint Vincent. The single came in the form of a glazed vase containing three blue flowers. Only one was ever made, and I got the only copy. I found it very catchy, but the flowers eventually died. Or the year I spent listening over and over to that new Janelle Monae album. I forget the name, but the cover was a black and white picture of a well, and if you didn’t share it with someone else in 7 days, you would die. Of course no one ever died, because the album was so good, people just couldn’t stop telling their friends to listen.
My favorite song of all time is a blank cassette tape still in its plastic wrapper. It was owned by a man named Gary Joy. He was a real estate lawyer, reasonably successful, but he always dreamed of being a singer/songwriter. He dreamed all the time of quitting his job and writing songs, but he had never even written one song. Then one day, in a fit of optimism and energy, he bought this cassette, intending to make his first memo. But the day got away from him, and then the week, and then the rest of his life, and he never quit being a lawyer, and he never even wrote one song. This blank cassette tape, still in its wrapper, contains the potential of all the songs he could have written but never did, which is better and more powerful than any song anyone’s actually managed to write. The potential of the thing is always more perfect than the reality of the thing. However, and this is the crucial drawback, the potential is absolutely useless and the reality, however imperfect, can be quite useful. Anyway, I like to hold Gary Joy’s unwritten demo and imagine what it would be like. Hold on, sorry. There’s a customer.
[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records. What? No, no. No. No! No. OK, bye! [bell dings] Sorry about that. Some people are so unreasonable. I don’t even know what a Taylor Swift is.
But there’s a new song I like, and it’s not cool like my other favorite songs. It’s not a song that fits the kind of image I like to project. When I put on my mirrored leggings, my extra long jorts, and my really big hat, people expect something from me. They expect me to be on the cutting edge. They expect me only to be into bands that aren’t popular yet, or will never be popular, or that frankly don’t know how to play their instruments very well. And the song I like now is not any of those things. It’s… ordinary. It’s… popular. I don’t wanna say what it is. Remember when I only listened to the sound of beez buzzing? That was a good summer. Of course I got stung once or twice or 30 times. [sighs] Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.
[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records! Hey. Hey! Hey! Hey! HEEEEY! Thanks, nice to see you again. [bell dings] Sorry about that.
I’m tired of being cool. I was going to say trying to be cool, but trying implies the possibility of failure, and there has never been a moment when I’ve failed to be cool. But here’s the hard truth I’ve come up against: being cool is a young person’s game. And that’s not because young people are better or more interesting than older people. God no. God no. God no! It’s that coolness itself is a concept tied to youth. Coolness is a reactionary manifestation of insecurity. The more insecure you are, the cooler you need to be. It’s colorful plumage. But as I’ve gotten older, I no londer need flashy plumage. I just wanna sit in the comfort of who I am, and not worry about what that looks like from the outside.
Anyway, I can’t stop listening to “Karma Police” by Radiohead. It’s just… a good song, you know? Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.
[bell dings] You! You’ll never catch me alive! [sound of running] [bell dings]
Cecil: An abundance of words, words falling, fluttering to the earth. Words crunching beneath our feet. They were beautiful once, the words. Now they are beginning to rot, to wilt, to compost, to ferment new growth. To fertilize new words growing upon great trunks of paragraphs and chapters, but not now. Those will come later. Now the words sputter and drop in spiraling arcs to the ground. Here, then, are the final few brightly painted words falling upon you now. The October Monologues.
Steve Carlsberg: What does it mean to be believed? I’ve always known that Night Vale isn’t like other places. As long as I can remember, I could see that. I could also see that no one else could see it. I was alone in my knowledge. Knowledge may be power, but power is often lonely. My grandfather knew. He could see that I was like him. “Steve,” he would say, “us Carlsbergs have always been the town pariahs, but just because they hate you, doesn’t mean they’re right.” I would sit at night as a kid and listen to Cecil on the radio. He was the same age as he is now, and at the time he seemed so wise. But I would hear him dismiss what I knew shouldn’t be dismissed. I would hear him cover up what should be uncovered, and I would know with a child’s certainty that it was wrong. I loved him still. Everyone in town loves Cecil. It is possible to love someone who you know is doing wrong. It’s terribly easy, in fact.
What does it mean to be believed? As a teenager, I started trying to express what I saw about the world. I gave a presentation in my social studies class called “Night Vale – there’s literally nowhere like it”, and I thought it was informative. The class all plugged their ears in unison. The teacher stopped me a minute in, glancing nervously at the 8 surveillance cameras monitoring the classroom. “Are you trying to get us all killed?” the teacher hissed at me. I remember that her breath smelled like Strawberry Jolly Ranchers, and there was a lose crumb of mascara in the sweat of her temples. “No,” I said. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not the kind of question that demands a sincere answer. The report earned me a trip to the principal’s office, and then the re-education pit, which honestly is not as bad as its name. I mean, almost not as bad. It’s pretty bad. It’s a pit, for re-education. So, certainly learned something from that re-education. I learned that you’re equally likely to be punished for being right as you are for being wrong.
What does it mean to be believed? I was a young man entering the workforce, and I had long ago learned to hide away what I knew about my city. I had learned the handshake and the smile, the nod and the necktie, all the signifiers that hid what I truly signified. All of life is a code, and I had been thought the key against my will.
I got a job as a bank teller at the Last Bank of Night Vale. I studied with great interest the townsfolk who came and went there. I learned about their lives and their secrets, and what kind of money they made for the whispered deals out back of quiet parking lots just before the sun went down, pulled up next to a black Sedan that contained their handler who they only knew by a false first name. but I couldn’t forget what I knew, even if I learned to playact that I had. What I know shapes who I am. I can’t close my eyes, not to this town I love. This weird and secret town I love.
What does it mean to be believed? Then I married into the family of Cecil Palmer, host of Night Vale community radio! And he hated me, because he could see that I knew. And after all these years, my mask had slipped a little. I’d lost my interest in hiding. I wanted to speak the truth as I knew it, nothing could be more threatening to Cecil. His life and livelihood depended on speaking the truth as the City Council wanted it. Or as the Vague yet Menacing government agencies crafted it. And here I was, pointing out to him the sky. There are glowing arrows in the sky, there are dotted lines and arrows and circles. The sky is a chart that explains the entire world! I tried to tell him, and this only made him hate me more. I tried to share who I was with him, and this only made him recoil. 
Abby listened to my stories, but she never shared my enthusiasm for the truth. “Let it lie,” she would say, “let it lie.” But that’s he point, I can’t let it lie and I can’t lie! We’ve done that for too long! We’ve let our town sit heavy under the weight of euphemism and half truth, and unless someone just said what they saw for once, we would be crushed eventually by that weight!
And then it all changed. I wasn’t alone. The others saw that we lived in a weird place. And you know what? We kept existing. Our world didn’t end merely because we dared acknowledge it. Cecil and I are friends now. I haven’t forgotten how he treated me, but I understand it and I forgive it. Forgiveness and understanding are not the same as forgotten.
What does it mean to be believed? It means everything. It means all.
Cecil: And as the leaves are done, so are the October Monologues. All that can be said has been said. And all that can be said will be said again.
Today’s proverb: Listen, it might seem like everything’s bad right now.
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runningfrom2am · 7 months
Text
kinda famous - d.s.
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summary: after mason's debut album charts in the top 100, she somehow got invited to the obx3 premiere. she went to make connections- but maybe not the exact kind she ends up leaving with.
this is a repost of the same fic from my otosimt series, just making some small changes :)
wc: 2.6k
tags/warnings: no warnings! just a meet-cute :), drew x musician!oc
requests (currently closed- feel free to send whatever but it will be a while before I get to them!)
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Not a day went by this past year where Mason didn't consider herself incredibly lucky. Her debut album saw some medial success, landing her in the Spotify top one hundred with the help of a TikTok trend to some of the lyrics from her first single. She could hardly believe it was real, sometimes. What always helped, however, was having connections.
Her best friend, Este, was a makeup artist to the stars. She worked on movies like Avatar and even a few Marvel films, but most notably and most recently, she had been working with Madelyn Cline. They had taken a liking to each other, having been in touch about every event, shoot, and movie she had been working on in hopes of having her new friend style her look for the occasion. Luckily for Mason, Este was her number one fan - and hardly ever did she have a client who wasn't forced to sit through her album while she was blending out the makeup on their faces or curling their hair.
Madelyn, apparently, had loved it. In the words of her best friend, "She was just gushing over it! She requests your music every time she's in my chair. I swear." So, that is how Mason ended up at the OBX3 premiere, shaking hands with one of the most beautiful actresses of her generation while she complimented both her dress and her music.
"I am seriously such a big fan. Este put me on and I am literally obsessed," Madelyn smiled, dropping Mason's hand.
"Oh my god, you're such a sweetheart- stop." Mason laughed, waving her off.
She smiled and leaned in, resting her hand on Mason's shoulder as she whispered in her ear. "Between us, I can't confirm anything just yet, but I'm working on getting you a soundtrack offer for season four."
Mason gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth to hide her shock. "No, you're literally joking!"
The blonde smiled and shook her head, giggling and clapping her hands together excitedly. "We all listen to you on set- it's growing on the producers, I think."
"Oh my god- Obviously I am so down! Allegedly, of course," Mason smiled, winking at her.
"Yes, of course, allegedly," she laughed, matching Mason's wink. "I have to run, but we'll jump in for some photos together on the carpet, yeah?" Madelyn grinned, giving Mason a quick hug and brushing past her in the direction of the curtain where everyone lines up for photos.
Feeling absolutely giddy, Mason was quick to lift her dress and shuffle over to the makeup room, where Este was still working with some other clients doing some touch-ups. "Oh my god!" Mason smiled as she approached her chair, where Este was just wiping up. She cringed internally at the sound of her music playing over her desk speaker, hearing the way she swore that the man she wrote this song about was the love of her life, and she'd be a fool to let him go. It wasn't long after the release that she ended up having to, discovering he was cheating on her with a girl from their hometown.
"Mason! Hey girl! Did you get to talk to Mads?" Este asked, looking back at her over her shoulder.
"Yes! And I have some serious tea to tell you later. Well, not serious, but good! It's definitely tea," Mason explained vaguely, knowing she'll understand.
"Yay! Okay, we'll debrief after," Este nodded. "Did you talk to anyone else?"
Mason instantly shook her head as Este turned to face her. "God, no, I'm petrified." She didn't answer, holding her finger up in Mason's face and digging through her kit, and pulling out a brush.
"Look up," she said, pointing to the ceiling, and Mason obliged as she touched up the shadow under her eyes and brushed away some flaked mascara while she talked. "You need to. You've got to make some more connections- I can't carry you forever." She teased, placing the brush back in her belt when she was done. "They're a lovely cast, trust me."
Mason nodded a little, taking a deep breath. "I just like... don't know what to do. Do I just walk around and talk to people?"
"That's the beauty of it! You're already doing it. Just show that stunning face of yours to the cameras with this beautiful dress, smile, make small talk, and opportunity will fall into your lap. I know you- everyone will love you regardless." She mused, quickly adjusting the waistline of Mason's dress. "And report back to me, of course."
"You're not gonna come? I want some pictures with you. The world needs to see the artist behind this face," Mason grinned, gesturing to her face of makeup and wiggling her eyebrows.
"Yes, of course," Este giggled, smacking Mason's shoulder playfully. "I'll change and come find you."
Mason smiled and clapped her hands together, bouncing in her heels. "Let's go together! I think I have to because I'm basically your plus one."
"No, absolutely not," Este dismissed her quickly, closing up part of her kit and doing some quick organization. "You, my dearest Mason, need to prove your independence in the industry. Just because you put out your Lover Era album doesn't mean you can't stand proudly on your own after the breakup. Your energy will draw all the cute boys to you. I just know it." She joked at the end, but Mason knew she was serious about her sentiment.
Mason's breakup wasn't fresh anymore- she was right. It didn't hurt and keep her up all night over the heartache that she had assumed would never get better. She was thriving now, she felt like herself again. "That's not why I'm here and you know that," Mason giggled.
"Of course not... It just would be a nice bonus," Este shrugged. "Now shoo! You're distracting me. I'll see you in a few." She pushed Mason away, winking at her before returning to her cleanup duties.
Mason took a few breaths as she turned around, making a conscious effort to smile as she walked over to the curtain where the crew was organizing people and sending them out onto the carpet.
Luckily, she spotted the bar not far away and quickly made her way over to grab a quick glass of wine before she had to step out. She tried to sip on it casually, not wanting to draw attention to herself, but craving the buzz and freedom that comes with being a little tipsy around strangers.
"You're Mason Bell, right?" Someone approached her, and she quickly turned to the source of the voice.
"Yes, that's me," Mason smiled, securing her glass in one hand before holding out her hand to shake. The woman took it, smiling politely as she shook it.
"Lovely. We're ready for you whenever, just go check in with that lovely gentleman by the curtain and you're free to walk when you're ready," the woman smiled, quickly taking off to go deal with more crew business.
Mason leaned back against the bar, nursing her drink still and glancing in the direction of the dressing rooms and hoping Este would walk out in time to join her. She gave it another minute as she finished her drink, feeling adequately warmed by the alcohol in her system before approaching the curtain.
"Hey! Nice to meet you, I'm Mason Bell," she greeted the man with the clipboard and he nodded, giving her a thumbs up and holding the curtain back for her to step out. She took deep breaths and focused on smiling (and not tripping) as she took the few extra paces behind a wall before she'd be in view of the many cameras she could already see flashing at the cast and their friends standing already in their full view. She heard lots of voices as she walked up, but they somehow got a million times louder as she stepped into the lights.
This wasn't her first red carpet, but it was her first premiere. Besides the backdrop curtain, they had a variety of props from the show, including the Twinkie itself, making her giddy with excitement. She made a mental note to herself to not leave without a picture of her behind the wheel for her Instagram.
"Mason! Look over here!" She heard a dozen voices calling her name and she decided her best move was to smile and wave, stopping and placing one hand on her hip and just glancing across the whole crowd of cameramen and interviewers behind the small fence. She gave it a few moments to capture hopefully enough photos for their portfolios before an interviewer pulled her over to chat with them.
"Mason! So nice to meet you. You look absolutely stunning!" They grinned, shaking her hand and holding the mic up to her lips.
"Hello! And thank you so much! It's lovely to meet you too. What's your name?" Mason asked, smiling at them and giving a quick wave to the cameras still flashing in her face as they recorded her with one closer up.
"I'm Noah. I'm with Netflix just documenting everyone here tonight," He grinned. "So, we were all excited to hear you would be coming tonight! Are you a fan of the show?"
"Oh my god, I'm a huge fan," Mason gushed, looking around at the other people on the carpet. "I was just so lucky to be invited, I was ecstatic when I got the invitation from Madelyn. So nervous, though. So, so nervous."
"I can't imagine!" He chuckled, agreeing with her. "If it makes you feel any better, we've heard from a few members of the cast that they were looking forward to meeting you."
"That does actually help a lot, thank you," Mason giggled, a blush covering her cheeks. "You mind telling me who, though? I'd love to know who wants to talk to me and who I should probably not bother." She joked.
"Oh, nobody to avoid here. This is one of the nicest casts I've ever worked with," Noah assured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "That being said, the boys seemed extra keen." He winked, making her laugh.
"Oh god, okay, I'll keep that in mind," Mason went along with it, looking around and seeing the rest of the cast goofing off a little ways away.
"So, I have to ask, Mason- keep in mind you don't have to answer if you don't want to, about your breakup, how are you doing? Your album is absolutely amazing, you told a beautiful story, but we've all heard about what happened afterward," He said, and Mason glanced down nervously, trying to maintain her smile as best she could.
"Yeah, totally. Uh- " She paused for a second. Her ex has never been in the public eye- they were high school sweethearts, which gave her album a sense of purity and authenticity that was almost rare in modern music. With that, however, comes a responsibility to keep him out of public scandal in the fallout of the album's success. "I am doing really well. I believe my ex is as well. Of course, he was always a huge inspiration for me, and he always supported me and my dreams, so I know he's still cheering me on, which is a nice feeling," Mason nodded, smiling as Noah dropped his arm from around her shoulders, patting her back.
"Well, you're stronger than I am because I would want him to be punching the air right now," Noah laughed.
"No! God, no, I'd never want that for him. I wish him all the success in the world, which just means something different for both of- " She tried to explain when she got bumped from behind and stumbled slightly forward. She let out a little squeak and tried to turn to look what happened when someone steadied her by her waist.
"Sorry, sweetheart. Didn't mean to knock you there," A man chuckled, making sure she was steady before letting her go. She was met with blue eyes that reflected the lights and the matching color of his suit just beautifully, and she quickly recognized him as Rafe- racking her brain for the actor's name. Drew- yes. That's it.
"No! No, you're fine—I was in the way," Mason said sheepishly, laughing it off and adjusting her dress again.
"Drew, Welcome back! While I've got you both here," Noah said, holding the microphone up to him as he nodded, leaning down a little in anticipation of the question. "Have you listened to Mason's album? We were just talking about it."
Drew nodded, smiling and locking eyes with Mason again briefly. "Yes, of course. It's both Maddie's favorites right now, they've always got it playing on set. If it wasn't so good I'd be sick of it." He chuckled.
"Aw—thank you!" Mason grinned. "Thanks for listening even if it's against your will." Her eyes connected again with Drew, and she felt herself blushing once more. He just had this aura about him that showed he was really listening and really cared about what she had to say. "Not to plug it here or anything, but we're almost at ten million streams on Spotify so I'm feeling really proud of it, it truly was a passion project for me. God, sorry I shouldn't be talking about that here..." She explained, looking back at the interviewer again, trailing off when she realized she was acting selfishly.
"No, don't apologize. You worked hard on it—you deserve to talk about it," Drew cut in before Noah could speak. "Everyone stream it—you won't regret it." He said, pointing to the camera.
"Yes, absolutely," Noah agreed. "We won't take up any more of your time, but I'll let you know we're all looking forward to your next album already." He smiled, giving Mason a quick hug.
"Thank you!" She waved as he and his crew were quick to move on to someone else. She took a deep breath, turning and jumping slightly when she saw Drew still standing there, looking down at her as she clasped her hand against her chest. "Oh, gosh. I didn't know you were still there," Mason giggled, quickly adjusting her hair.
"Sorry," Drew chuckled, holding his hand out to her. "We haven't properly met. I'm Drew. Or you might know me as Rafe, I guess."
She smiled, taking his hand and shaking it. "Mason. You might know me as the girl who got cheated on right after releasing an album about how amazing her relationship is."
This made him laugh, dropping his head back as he let go of her hand. "Hey, it's good to have a sense of humor about it, I guess." He said, locking eyes with her again. His charisma was truly captivating— it's rare to meet someone in the Hollywood scene who seemed to care about anyone other than themselves.
"I'm coping," Mason shrugged, laughing it off with him.
"Let's grab a few pictures together, then maybe a drink?" Drew suggested, guiding her back towards where the rest of the cast was taking photos with the beat-up van parked on the carpet. "I'll introduce you to everyone."
"Yeah! Yeah- thank you," Mason smiled, glancing over her shoulder and seeing Este stepping out. She quickly waved at Mason, giving her an excited look and a thumbs up, which she returned behind Drew's back.
No doubt the pictures of this moment will embarrass her tomorrow, but at least the debrief with Este in the Uber home will have a lot of good things to cover.
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taglist: @bookishbabyyy@madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury@fullfledgedemo@rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @alimaythings, @chenslucy, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @saccharinesammie, @suzyheartsrafe, @maybankslover, @redhead1180, @lovelyxtommy, @thelomlisrafecameron, @realwifeofjackharlow
(sorry to tag everyone in this again!!)
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fangirl-writes · 4 years
Text
Enough
Young!Roger Taylor x Reader
Queen is my latest obsession
Warning(s): Domestic fight, violence (Roger punches a wall), swearing. Angst. I used a gay slur in there once (f*ggot). It’s not an important part of the story, but a warning anyhow because I know some people aren’t comfortable with the word.
Notes: Angsty stuff here people. I hope I pulled on those heartstrings, but I added a happy ending so all’s well. Also I have no idea how record players work but I wish I did. Also I don’t think cheating is ever okay, but we all know Roger did it and I wanted to try something a little eloquent and angsty.
Summary: You and Roger get into a fight because you want to know why you aren't enough.
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Roger threw his keys onto the table. “You’re being ridiculous, Y/N!”
“I am not! Roger why won’t you just give me an answer!”
“Because I shouldn’t have to! We’ve had this conversation before I don’t know why you’re getting so upset about this!”
“And I don’t know why you won’t just answer me!”
“I’ve already told you-”
“You haven’t told me anything!”
“I’ve told you enough!”
“Which isn’t anything!”
“Why the hell does this matter so fucking much to you!”
“Because I want to know, Roger!”
“It shouldn’t matter!”
“But it does matter!”
“Just to you!”
“Yeah because you won’t fucking tell me anything!”
Roger turned with an angry shout, flinging his fist into the wall behind him. The sound as the drywall cracked made you scream and Roger turned to you, hand still curled into a now bloody fist, the action not lessening his anger.
The silence that filled the air was suffocating as you stood there staring in horror at the look on his face, the blood coating his knuckles, and the gaping hole that was now in the wall behind him.
Roger walked passed you towards the door and gave it an angry slam on his way out.
You broke down, dropping to the floor and sobbing. You were still angry, still hurt, and still scared.
After about an hour had passed you finally got the strength to get off the floor and make your way to the phone.
You dialed the number that you knew by heart and waited as it rang in the otherwise quiet house.
“Hello?”
“Brian?”
“Y/N?” He said, hearing the heartbreak in your voice. “What’s wrong? Has something happened? Did Roger-”
“We had a fight. He walked out and hasn’t been back for a while and I’m starting to worry about him.”
“You’ve had a fight and you’re worried about him?”
You sniffed, wiping at your wet cheeks.
“God, Y/N, he doesn’t deserve you.”
“Would- would you just find him? I-I don’t think he wants to see me but he punched the wall before he left and his hand was all bloody-”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, love. It’s not your fault he blew a gasket, okay?”
You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you, and felt even more tears falling down your cheeks.
“Y/N?”
You hummed in response, your throat tight.
“We’ll bring him home.”
That was the last thing he said before hanging up and you choked out another sob, letting the phone drop from your hand and swing from the cord as you found yourself on the floor again, back against the wall as you sobbed into your knees.
Thinking back on it now, it had been your fault the fight had happened.
It had been about Roger’s endless groupies you knew he fucked every time he was on tour.
You’d talked about it back when you first started dating and you’d told him you were okay with it. You’d talked about it with your friends and family who’d been concerned about it and you’d told them you were fine with it. The other Queen members had asked you about it, offering to watch him for you while on tour, but you’d told them it didn’t bother you.
Hell, eventually you’d convinced yourself you were fine with it.
It was fine. I’m fine. What he does when I’m not around is fine because at the end of the day he always comes home to me. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
Then why. Why. Why did it take that stupid tabloid article to finally make you realize that you weren’t.
You don’t even know what compelled you to pick up the magazine. Usually you avoided picking up anything that even remotely mentioned the boys because you knew most of it would be slander. Calling Freddie a faggot or Roger a slut or John an absent husband. You hated those articles.
So then why? You asked yourself again. Why did you pick up that stupid tabloid?
Maybe it was because it was one of the few that mentioned you on the cover? Maybe it was because you were bored and wanted something to flip through? You didn’t remember and it didn’t matter now because the moment your eyes landed on that article it was over. And, at the moment, it felt like your stupidest decision.
Roger Taylor, Queen’s Sex Machine, Back At It Again.
After deciding his current girlfriend, Y/N L/N, wasn’t enough for the famous rock star, Roger Taylor was seen acting more than friendly with various groupies during his last tour. Our sources were not able to find a reaction from Y/N, making us suspect that she either doesn’t know about his sexual escapades, ignores them, or doesn’t care. How long will their relationship last if Y/N can’t fulfill Roger’s sexual needs? And how long will it take Roger to come to the conclusion he’s had enough of her?
Enough.
That was the word that kept playing back for you in your head. ‘Deciding his current girlfriend wasn’t enough’, ‘come to the conclusion he’s had enough.’
Why weren’t you enough?
You didn’t know how long you sat there, no tears left to cry and a whole in your heart. You felt numb. Whatever anger or sadness you’d been holding onto before was gone and replaced with an ache in your chest that wouldn’t go away.
It took a knock at the door to finally let all the emotions come flooding back to you.
Was that Brian? What if he didn’t find Roger? What if he did? Were you ready to face him again? Would he still be mad? Of course he’d still be mad. What would you say? Would you apologize? No, you don’t have anything to apologize for. Then what? If he was still mad, he certainly wasn’t going to apologize, that much you knew. What if he did apologize? ‘I’m sorry I caused you the worry, I’ll change how I live my life because you want me to’? No, that’s not what you wanted, you didn’t want him to change because of your outburst. What if he broke up with you? What if he kicked you out? You didn’t think you could stand going back to your family or friends and their pitying looks and ‘I told you so’s. ‘That’s what you get for dating a rock star’ they’d say. He finally decided you weren’t enough. Enough. Enough. Enough.
The knocking came again, this time harder and more persistent.
You rose from your spot on the floor and made your way to the door, every scenario going through your head as the knocking repeated.
“Y/N, darling, if you don’t open this door right now I’m going to break it down.”
You couldn’t help the small smile that made it’s way to your lips as you turned the knob and opened the door.
“I’d like to see you try, Freddie,”
Freddie Mercury stood on the other side of the door, a sad smile making its way to his lips.
“Brian told me what happened.”
The smile you tried to keep on fell at his words and soon you were in tears again, wrapped in Freddie’s arms.
“Oh, darling, oh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He soothed, stroking your hair as you cried into his shoulder. “I saw that stupid article. I thought something like this might happen.”
You weren’t sure whether his words made you feel better or worse.
He brought you into the living room and sat you down on the couch, wrapping you in a blanket before leaving your side to approach the record player sitting on a shelf near by.
You and Roger spent many hours listening to Jimi Hendrix or The Beatles, sometimes even Led Zeppelin if you could talk him into it. He even danced with you to ‘Since I've Been Loving You’ on your anniversary.
You smiled as he flipped through the albums before deciding on one of their own: A Night At The Opera. The one that, arguably, put them on the map.
You closed your eyes as ‘Death on Two Legs’ started playing softly. It wasn’t their most relaxing song, but their music had a way of calming you down. Freddie knew this after seeing you in the studio with them multiple times, absolutely relaxed in the creative environment.
He occupied the seat next to you again, pulling you to his chest as an offer to snuggle into him.
You accepted the offer and smiled softly as you listened to the angry and bitter song. You remembered them telling you it was based on their nasty former manager, Norman Sheffield.
“His loss,” You’d told them back then. “He’ll be forever known as the man who lost Queen.”
“That’s exactly what I said!” Freddie had exclaimed. “It was like a movie scene! You should’ve been there, Y/N. It was a perfect exit.”
“Yeah and then we threw a brick through his window.” Roger added with a smug grin.
“Not our brightest idea.” Brian said.
“Never said any of you were the smartest lot.”
They’d shoved you around for that comment with laughter and good natured retorts.
The memory made you smile, the bad thoughts from before being driven away from your head as you remembered and snuggled against your favorite piano player as his voice drifted through the air.
You wondered if the song would’ve made you angrier if you didn’t know what it was really about and didn’t have the memory attached to it. You supposed it would have but you could only giggle at the lyrics now. It was bitter and mean, as Freddie once called it, but it was a great song.
‘Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon’ came next and you released a breath at the softer tone. The song reminding you of Alice in Wonderland and Singing in the Rain, films that you had watched as a kid. It was a short song, but it did wonders for your mood with its playful and happy tune.
It wasn’t until ‘I’m In Love With My Car’ came on that you realized he’d put the record on the B-Side.
You sat up from Freddie, a frown on your face, mood brought down again. 
“Change it.” You commanded.
“Sorry, dear, too comfortable here.” He replied, a smirk on his face.
You bit your lip, near to tears again, as Roger’s song played along in the background. The song he’d fought himself into a cupboard for and that you relentlessly teased him about.
“Freddie, please, I-I don’t-”
A knock interrupted your sentence and Freddie practically launched himself over the couch to get it.
The limber bastard.
You followed him reluctantly, knowing who would be on the other side of that door. The man singing a song about his car.
Freddie pulled open the door to John Deacon who was stood with a frown on his face that disappeared into concern as he noticed you enter the room.
He moved to hug you, which you happily accepted. Hugging Freddie and Deacy was a comforting feeling that you desperately needed.
“Why’s this song playing?” He wondered aloud, more confused than anything.
The comment made you laugh.
“Y/N.”
You pulled away from John to face Brian who was giving you a similar look. It wasn’t pity, but rather a sort of concern. It warmed your heart to think that they cared for you so much.
Were you enough in their eyes?
“We found him walking. Had to take him to the hospital for his hand, but-”
“Is he still angry?”
“No.” Brian said, catching you by surprise. “I don’t think he’s been angry for a while.”
Your eyes swelled with tears as Brian motioned for Roger to come inside.
If you were in a better mood, you would have laughed. Roger Taylor waiting for permission to go inside his own home.
He walked passed Brian, avoiding everyone’s eyes and staring at his shoes.
The song changed to ‘You’re My Best Friend’ but nobody paid any attention to the music.
Freddie had an annoyed expression on his face and opened his mouth to say something until Deacy put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. Silently telling him it wasn’t appropriate and that they’d lectured him enough for one night.
“Happy at Home” the song chimed, normally earning a snarky comment from Roger, but it seemed he wasn’t listening or at least not caring about the line for once.
“Come on, boys, I think we better leave these two alone.” Brian spoke up after a minute of silence. “Fred, I’ll take you home.”
Freddie seemed reluctant to leave. Whether that was because he was concerned or because he wanted to witness the drama of it all was unknown, but he followed the other two band members out the door.
You stood in silence for another minute as the song in the background faded into 39. A song you loved.
It seemed to be the kick Roger needed to finally look up at you with his gorgeous blue eyes.
“Hi,” He said.
“Hi...” You replied.
“I’m sor-”
“No.” You shook your head. “No, Roger, please don’t apologize, I don’t want an apology for something I started. No, Rog, all I want is an answer.”
“An answer for what?”
You blinked back tears as you asked the dreaded question again. “Why aren’t I enough?”
Enough. Enough. Enough.
Roger’s eyes swelled up with his own tears and he shook his head with a small laugh.
“Ridiculous, really. You’ve always been enough, Y/N. Always.”
“Then why?” You said, tears streaming freely down your cheeks again. You felt like you’d cried an ocean. “Why sleep with all those groupies on tour? Am I not pleasing you enough? Is that it?”
“No!” Roger exclaimed. “God no, it’s perfect! You’re perfect.”
“Then why?” you asked again, voice raising before dropping to a murmur as you hung your head. “Why?”
Roger took your face in his hands. “Please, don’t cry, love.”
You shook your head, palms digging into your eyes to try to get rid of the tears.
He hugged you to his chest and you felt your heart ache once again because, as mad as you were at him, you longed for his comfort.
“I think I do it because- fuck it, I know I do it because I’m afraid.” He said.
You sniffed. Afraid? Afraid of what?
“I’m afraid that one day you’ll you realize what a twat I am and I’ll come home and you won’t be there. I do it because I’m afraid of getting attached to you, even though I know I already have, because what if you leave me one day? What if you decide that I’m not enough for you?”
You looked up at him. “You're afraid of that?”
Roger feigned laughter, not meeting your gaze. “Yeah, the bloody rock star has feelings. Ha ha.”
“No.” You pull his gaze to you again, feeling about a thousand emotions at once. “Roger, I’ve spent the entire day wondering why I wasn’t enough for you and you’re here telling me that you did all this shit because you think you’re not enough for me? Me?”
You took a deep breath, trying not to cry again.
“I love you, Roger Taylor. And you will always be more than enough for me. No matter how many groupies you sleep with or how many times you hurt me or whatever the fuck those fucking magazines say about you because I love you more than I hate you and sometimes I really fucking hate you.”
Roger smiled sadly at you. “I love you more, Y/N L/N, and I don’t deserve you, not at all. You have always been enough for me and I promise that I will try harder to show you that instead of being the dickhead that keeps breaking your heart.”
You sniffed, burying your face in his chest again.
“Always.” He whispered into the top of your head. “You are always gonna be enough for me.”
“Write your letters in the sand for the day I take your hand. In the land that our grandchildren knew.”
You snuggled into Roger’s chest as ‘39 came to a close, his hand squeezing yours in a sort of reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere again.
“All your letters in the sand cannot heal me like your hand. For my life. Still ahead. Pity me.”
“I love you,”
It was a whisper, barely above his breath but you heard it and you savored the sound of his confession in the sudden silence.
Roger pulled away from you, much to your displeasure and confusion and walked into the living room, making a beeline for the record player. You followed him, hoping not to look too much like a lost puppy.
He flipped the record and adjusted the needle.
He held out his hand as ‘Love of My Life’ started playing.
You’d have cried if you had any tears left.
You took it and he pulled you into a sloppy sort of waltz that made you laugh. The boy could sing, but when it came to dancing he was no John Deacon. You leaned your head on his chest, taking in his scent (cigarette smoke, scotch, and the smell of his lingering cologne).
“I really am sorry. For everything. I’m a terrible boyfriend.”
“I know. And I’m not going to forgive you, not for a while, maybe not ever, but we can move past it. Just hold me, yeah?”
And he did. He held you for as long as he could.
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jazziehart · 3 years
Text
Taylor Swift Albums Reviews
Hello my lovely blog readers,
I want to thank those of you who stick around through all my crazy rants and long Glee posts. You guys are the real MVPs and I will always appreciate you.
Anyway onto why we're here, in the wake of Taylor rereleasing her albums I found it fitting to take a look back at her discorgaphy so far! Thanks to my good friend Aly, I decided to relisten to all of her albums which the order was randomly decided. I will be talking about the deluxe editions so enjoy!
Let's start off with the first album that was drawn first which was Red.
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One of my favorite albums right off the bat with probably her best album cover. I remember how excited I was for 22, mostly because my girl Dianna Agron's name was in the liner notes. Let's dive into what I thought now about 9 years later!
Favorite Track: Begin Again Least Favorite Track: The Last Time (featuring Gary Lightbody) Bonus Track I Wish was on the main album: All of them!!! Favorite Bonus Track: The Moment I Knew Album Ranking: 6th/9
Overall I adore this album so so much. The only track I didn't care for in the least was The Last Time. I think you'll find a trend with me that my least favorite Tayor tracks tend to be her duets (the exception being Everything Has Changed which is also on this album and is the purest of all). The album has held up and even moreso I love it than the first time I listened. Crazy. Anyway onto the rankings of each song. DISCLAIMER: These are just my opinions and you can disagree with them but please be respectful.
1) Begin Again 2) The Moment I Knew 3) State of Grace (Acoustic Version) 4) I Almost Do 5) Stay Stay Stay 6) All Too Well 7) Everything Has Changed (featuring Ed Sheeran) 8) 22 9) Come Back...Be Here 10) Red 11) I Knew You Were Trouble 12) The Lucky One 13) We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together 14) Starlight 15) Girl at Home 16) Sad Beautiful Tragic 17) State of Grace 18) Holy Ground 19) Treacherous 20) The Last Time (featuring Gary Lightbody)
Honestly I adore this album so much as a whole and ranking every song was so hard. Holy Ground honestly had a lot of potiental I hated the arrangement but if I heard an acoustic version I would be sold, much like State of Grace which I wasn't huge on the original but the acoustic I'm obsessed with. Moving onto our second album which is one of Taylor's newest.
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folklore! Funny enough on first listen I wasn't as into it as everyone else was but trust me, the relisten definitely helped me change my mind. I also heard the lakes for the first time which I loved. Since it's the only bonus track I'm going to say I definitely wished it had made the main album over some of the other songs on it. Let's dive into my thoughts and rankings.
Favorite Track: mad woman Least Favorite Track: invisible string Album Ranking: 9th/9
1) mad woman 2) the 1 3) the last great american dynasty 4) mirrorball 5) hoax 6) peace 7) seven 8) august 9) my tears richocet 10) the lakes 11) cardigan 12) betty 13) illicit affairs 14) epiphany 15) this is me trying 16) exile (featuring Bon Iver) 17) invisible string
Okay I know cardigan and betty being so low is going make people unhappy but honestly I just loved the other songs better listed above it. So many gorgeous songs and a great era for Taylor. It's not my favorite era and still falls in my lower half of her albums but I can appreciate the tracks on it more than I did before with the relisten.
Now onto Taylor's most recent album which came up next in our randomization in evermore
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Unlike folklore on original listen I absolutely adored this album and had it in my top tier Taylor albums but will that opinion hold up? Let's find out.
Favorite Track: no body, no crime (featuring HAIM) Least Favorite Track: gold rush Favorite Bonus Track: it's time to go Album Ranking: 7th/9
1) no body, no crime (featuring HAIM) 2) happiness 3) champagne problems 4) willow 5) cowboy like me 6) dorothea 7) majorie 8) evermore (featuring Bon Iver) 9) closure 10) long story short 11) ‘tis the damn season 12) ivy 13) it’s time to go 14) coney island (featuring The National) 15) right where you left me 16) tolerate it 17) gold rush Okay let's talk about the relisten, it still held up but to me the one thing I didn't love about the album was the bonus tracks didn't add much to the original album so I kind of see why they were bonus tracks. I enjoyed the album none the less and I do think that most of my opinions are somewhat popular. I only see people being mad about 'tis the damn season being so low but honestly 1-11, I loved all the tracks so.
Up next is the rerelease that started it all, Fearless!
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Now let's see after 13 years (hey Taylor's lucky number) if my opinion of this iconic album changed. Back in the day I was so obsessed with this album so let's see how I feel now!
Favorite Track: You're Not Sorry Least Favorite Track: The Way I Loved You Bonus Tracks I Wish was on the main album: Forever and Always (Piano Verison) and Come in with the Rain Favorite Bonus Track: Forever and Always (Piano Version) Album Ranking: 4th/9
1) You’re Not Sorry 2) White Horse 3) Love Story 4) You Belong with Me 5) Change 6) Forever and Always (Piano Version) 7) Fifteen 8) Hey Stephen 9) Come in with the Rain 10) Jump Then Fall 11) Fearless 12) Forever and Always 13) The Best Day 14) The Other Side of the Door 15) Breathe (featuring Colbie Cailaitt) 16) Untouchable 17) SuperStar 18) Tell Me Why 19) The Way I Loved You
I still remember when this album was first coming out how jazzed and excited I was for it. It was highly anticipated for me being that I had fallen in love with Taylor from her debut album and listening back it still holds up as one of my favorite albums. The only two tracks I wasn't into back then and still am not into are Tell Me Why and The Way I Loved You. Other than those two tracks the entire album is incredible to listen to. I'm so excited to hear Taylor's versions of all these songs and who knows maybe my mind will change on some of them.
Moving onto the next album to be randomly selected which is almost every Swiftie's favorite 1989.
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Funny enough, originally this album isn't in my top favorites so who knows if my opinion will change on a relisten. Let's find out!
Favorite Track: Clean Least Favorite Track: I Wish You Would Bonus Tracks I Wish was on the main album: All of them?! Come on Taylor what's up with 1989 and Red having like some of their best tracks as bonus tracks. I'm mad haha. Favorite Bonus Track: Wonderland (gee I wonder why) Album Ranking: 5th/9
1) Clean 2) Wonderland 3) Wildest Dreams 4) This Love 5) You are in Love 6) Welcome to New York 7) Shake It Off 8) Blank Space 9) Bad Blood 10) Style 11) How You Get the Girl 12) Out of the Woods 13) New Romantics 14) I Know Places 15) All You Had to Do was Stay 16) I Wish You Would
Okay listening back. I now get the hype behind it. Listening to it with bonus tracks honestly makes all the difference. No joke. It's a much better album with the bonus tracks added. Honestly if Wonderland and You are in Love were on the main album it would've been top tier to me. Thank God for the deluxe version but team Taylor what is up with you hiding some of her best tracks and only releasing them on the bonus tracks? I'm mad. Also speaking on Wonderland, I adore the song even without the rumours of it being about my favorite celebrity Dianna Agron. Had the bonus tracks been on the main album it would higher but as a whole I love the album.
And now for our next album, which is reputation!
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This is probably Taylor's most controversial albums, some love it and some hate it. I actually am somewhere in the middle. I love some of the tracks while others I could've done without. Let's see where it goes for me listening back.
Favorite Song: New Year's Day Least Favorite: Dancing with Our Hands Tied Album Ranking: 8th/9
1) New Year's Day 2) Gorgeous 3) Don’t Blame Me 4) This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things 5) I Did Something Bad 6) Dress 7) Delicate 8) Call It What You Want To 9) ...Ready for It? 10) Look What You Made Me Do 11) King of my Heart 12) Getaway Car 13) So It Goes... 14) End Game (featuring Ed Sheeran and Future) 15) Dancing with Our Hands Tied
Okay I feel like my choices here are controversal especially Getaway Car being pretty low on the album. Honestly I liked the song just wasn't into the hype that everyone else said about it, sorry you guys. Also Dancing with Our Hands Tied on the ALBUM is my least favorie song. I absolutely adored Taylor's acoustic version that was in the rep Tour. Had she released that on the album it would be after Look What You Made Me Do. The arrangement on the album I just didn't care for and I prefer acoustic Taylor which I think a lot of you gather from my top picks.
Anyway moving onto to our next album that was randomized which is...Taylor Swift!
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Ah yes the album that started it all. 15 years ago I discovered Taylor Swift via this album thanks to CMT. I was a huge country music stan back in the day who knew how this one album would lead to a career I've been following for 15 years. Now how does this album hold up? Let's find out!
Favorite Song: Should've Said No Least Favorite Song: A Perfectly Good Heart Bonus Tracks I Wish was on the main album: Invisible and I'm Only Me When I'm with You Favorite Bonus Track: Invisible Album Ranking: 3rd/9
1) Should’ve Said No 2) Invisible 3) Cold as You 4) Picture to Burn 5) Our Song 6) The Outside 7) A Place in This World 8) Teardrops on My Guitar 9) Stay Beautiful 10) Tim McGraw 11) I’m Only Me When I’m with You 12) Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) 13) Tied Together with a Smile 14) A Perfectly Good Heart
This album still holds up 15 years later and made me so nostalgic. This had to be the hardest album for songs to rank thus far. Taylor hit it out of the park on her very first album crazy. She set the bar very high, funny enough it's the first album that a bonus track is my least favorite track but the entire album is a great listen, especially if you love country. It's very different from anything else Taylor did but that's what's so charming about it.
And now onto our second to last album which is another one of my favorites and the only album Taylor wrote fully on her own, Speak Now.
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The album cover is up there with Red as my favorite and I'm excited to listen back to this album. I remember how much I enjoyed it when it was first released. Excited to see what I think 11 years later. Let's find out.
Favorite Track: Haunted (Acoustic Version) Least Favorite Track: Last Kiss Bonus Tracks I Wish was on the main album: All of them. Dang it Taylor they deserved to be on the main album. Favorite Bonus Track: Haunted (Acoustic Version) Album Ranking: 2nd/9
1) Haunted (Acoustic Version) 2) Long Live 3) Haunted 4) Better Than Revenge 5) Back to December (Acoustic Version) 6) Mine 7) Back to December 8) Mean 9) If This Was a Movie 10) Innocent 11) Dear John 12) Speak Now 13) Ours 14) Never Grow Up 15) The Story of Us 16) Superman 17) Enchanted 18) Sparks Fly 19) Last Kiss
One of Taylor's absolute best albms and it was incredibly hard to rank these songs. I know people are going to be mad about Enchanted being low but I just didn't love it as much as the other tracks on the album, this after all is one of the best albums she ever released so it's incredibly hard to make the call.
Moving onto our final album which I've called my absolute favorite, Lover.
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It's only been an year since its release but will it hold up as my favorite album? Let's find out!
Favorite Track: Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince Least Favorite Track: It’s Nice to Have a Friend Album Ranking: 1st/9
1) Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince 2) Paper Rings 3) Lover 4) Soon You’ll Get Better (featuring The Chicks) 5) You Need to Calm Down 6) The Archer 7) The Man 8) Daylight 9) Afterglow 10) I Think He Knows 11) False God 12) Death by a Thousand Cuts 13) Cruel Summer 14) Cornelia Street 15) I Forgot That You Existed 16) ME! (featuring Brendan Urie from Panic! at the Disco) 17) London Boy 18) It’s Nice to Have a Friend
Yep it held up. This album is my favorite thing Taylor ever released. It was a tough call because I loved all of her top albums so much. Miss Americana still is my favorite performance which is no surprise, I was obsessed when this song came out 2 years ago. It's Nice to Have a Friend is the weakest track on the album but by no means is it a bad track. The entire album is a great listen all the way through, the only song that's hard to listen to especially if you have a sick parent "Soon You'll Get Better" I literally bawled after I finished it. So if you don't want an emotional song that might make you sad, it's best to skip it even though it's one of favorite tracks.
And that does it for us here. Hope you enjoyed my album reviews! Just to recap here's the rankings of all of Taylor's Albums:
1) Lover 2) Speak Now 3) Taylor Swift 4) Fearless 5) 1989 6) Red 7) evermore 8) reputation 9) folklore
Excited to see what's to come with the rerelease of Fearless and to hear the songs released from the vault. I've heard a few of her unreleased songs and honestly there are quite a few that I'm hoping are released. Thanks for enjoying us on this journey as always be kind and always spread love <3
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sanstropfremir · 3 years
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Okay, time for my weekly rant so buckle up. The vocal stages were okay-I cant really remember them well because I watched them only once so take what I say with a grain of salt. Well I watched the Spark one once and I only got through half of the other one because I can’t stand ballads especially when there’s no interesting movement on stage to keep me engaged. Like it’s no fault of the members themselves or the song (I actually think their singing was incredibly beautiful and Eunkwang always sings like his wife just left him with the kids which is how you know he’s good) but I physically could not pay attention. That’s why I liked the spark stage a bit better-there was enough movement that I was able to focus on it. I really liked the use of the fire and the way they were walking in and out of the frame trading off parts so there weren’t too many awkward moments where the other members where on stage but not doing anything. The opening was gorgeous with each members being lit by the spotlight as they harmonize. So stagewise, I prefer Spark but vocally I think the other group was stronger. I love Spark and Taeyon is such an incredible vocalist (I mean the song is great because of her) so I don’t get why their delivery was, I don’t want to say weak, but subdued might be a better word. The only one that really stood out was Junhoe (but also that man couldn’t not stand out even if he tried, not with that incredibly rasp) and even he seemed to be holding himself back a bit. Though it was a bit slow it built up well to the two last choruses but still the first half could have been stronger. I know they were trying to draw it out to a strong pay off but I don’t really know if it was enough. And yes the suits were *chef’s kiss*. I think at this point in their career the FNC stylist has put SF9 in so many suits they’ve got it down to a science. Also I’m a sucker for those shirts with the triangle cut out and we got not one but two of them here.
Okay moving on, I’m not sure which group was next but I’ll talk about the Ikon stage. It seems like they finally realized that they’re on a performance based competition show so they decided to pull out the big guns. Love the little skit at the beginning (making sure people don’t forget that they’re YG), it was cute and refreshing. I really appreciated how they leaned into the campy acting in this stage (Stray kids did it too-just adding to the similarities between their stages). The song was meh but I also don’t really like BP especially not their recent stuff so it’s not a big deal. I would have preferred if they had gone with another song maybe Whistle or As If It’s Your Last or if they’d done a 2NE1 song like Chanwoo mentioned some point in the episode. I also think the stage would have been way smoother if they’d let Ikon and Lisa interact. Like if the boys appeared in her set after her section and then they all moved back to the first jungle set and then the whole thing turns gold and they did a dramatic outfit change (but with better jackets because theirs look like they came out of Party City). I also get what you mean about the dancers outfits not being that great. I actually really liked the outfits of Lisa’s dancers in isolation but they didn’t match with her or the set so they threw me off a bit. At least with the ikon members they were going for a modern look so the dancers outfits didn’t look that strange in comparison. Do you think it would have been better if they were white? How would you have improved then? The best way I can describe this performance was that it was a stage, stuff happened, I enjoyed myself but I don’t plan to revisit it anytime soon. Oh and we also have to give points for them cursing on national television not once but twice (at this point Jinwan deserves to say fuck).
Now to Stray Kids. So I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I am actually a stray kids fan (I won’t call myself a stay because I don’t associate with the fandom) and though I’ve been really critical of them and their stages tend to be my least favorite I still have a soft spot for them (I got into this show because of them after all). I loved, loved, loved the intro with Felix (and yes his biggest flaw is that he’s Australian but I forgive him for it) and the way it immediately transitions into the chorus of DDD-the abrupt transition does fit really well with the Deadpool theme and I guess it is the closest they’re going to get to the feeling of yeeting themselves into traffic like in the movie. Interesting choice to start with the chorus. Now that I’m rewatching it I do really wish they stuck with the comic theme. I think that’s my gripe with SKZ-they have a lot of good ideas but they move on too quickly from them. Just pick a handful of things and sprinkle them throughout instead of cycling through them at breakneck speed. Like okay they’re doing Deadpool and he’s a comic character so keep the comic styling (it would have been a good thing to put in the projection behind Seungmin’s scene), maybe in the subway they could have had some fight choreo so the guns coming in at Lee Knows part aren’t out of nowhere (also someone please tell me they were trying to recreate the meme with the cat and the knives, please I need to know). I absolutely agree that them having a goal or an antagonist would have really helped the story along. I mean they literally have a spoken intro so why couldn’t Felix just tell us who they were fighting (and I’m pretty sure in the movie Wade tells us he’s trying to kill Francis in that scene sooo). As always they put more focus on the rappers (please can we get less Changbin and more Seungmin, Jeongin, or Lee Know or at least give Felix more parts). Seungmin was the real mvp of this stage and he had the best outfit (I think it qualifies for Hanya’s best gay little outfit list). Personally I with they hadn’t gone with Gods Menu again. I’ve been hoping that they would perform My Pace (and maybe remix it with their B-side TA off their Go Live album) because that would be such a fun stage. Again, I enjoyed myself but I won’t revisit it anytime soon. At this point the only groups I actually look forward to are BTOB and SF9 (they’re doing fucking Move and I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified-there’s a clip of Taeyang covering Move from a variety show or interview and I think he does it really well so I know at least one of them can pull it off). Again thanks for creating space where I can info dump and I hope I said something of interest to you!
i think you wrote more than me!! i love this, im gonna put my response under a cut im not being super obnoxious on the dash.
i get that the mayfly stage would be not as visually stimulating for people and usually i would count myself in with that crowd because i love a good spectacle but i think because i watched the spark stage first and my colour perception is sometimes weird so when there's a lot of movement with very little colour variation my tiny pea brain loses track of whats happening really quickly. especially with red. so it was kind of difficult for me to pay attention to the spark stage in the second half. also i absolutely HATE watching people flub on stage because it brings up such visceral secondhand feelings that i couldn't even watch the stage when i started the full episode today.
i love a good suit but you know what i would also love: sf9 in more costume variations. tbh im just getting nitpicky about it because im a costume designer down to the core and i got trained by a designer who specialized in doing avant garde costuming so i tend to skew more towards wild than reserved. it looks like the move stage wont be be suits so ill take it, but oh man to do i want to see some really crazy stuff. which i know they'll never do because idols have to be pretty at all times or the fans get mad but oh i want it so badly.
do you mean how i would improve ikon's backup dancers outfits or lisa's? here why dont i do both. for lisa's dancers i would have just done away with that harness shape all together, its almost exclusively a military style. the jackets by themselves would have been fine but really what they should have done was put them in something that matched the gold but contrasted enough to give them shape. by having at least her dancers in all black on a gold stage there was a lot of "haha look at me do a duck walk because lets throw in some voguing for spice." they could have gone with a mesh bodysuit idea similar to what she was wearing or even just different colour coats. as for ikon's backup dancers, firstly pants. not black. or even a longer skirt. genuinely a part of the reason why i dont watch girl group content is because i HATE the hem length of the shorts they make everyone wear. words cannot describe how much i hate that cut. kpop is so obsessed with showing off women's bodies and especially their legs but they do it in the LEAST flattering way possible because it "can't be too risqué," just shoot me now. i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. yea yea everybody was on cocaine in the 80s whatever but at least they were all wearing french cut bodysuits so their legs looked fantastic. stop interrupting the lines!! anyways. pants so the only section of skin showing is thigh to mid calf, especially because they weren't even doing any fun legwork! if they really wanted to keep the full sleeve bodysuits they shout have done them in a fabric with a texture or external embellishments, like a patent/vinyl or sequins/rhinestones. something to catch the stage lights so we can actually see the shape of the limb. but the easiest way to fix it is literally just cut the arms off the bodysuits. stages are lit to show off skin, sometimes the best way to have something be seen is just to have it bare.
i agreed skz cycles through ideas way too fast, they need to just pick a couple and stick them out through the stage instead of just adding more and more different ones throughout. also ok good someone else noticed that there is just...so much changbin. we don't need that much changbin. i know there's other boys in the group let them do something! also im pretty sure theyre not recreating the cat knife meme but actually the promo image from john wick chapter two, which i also could have sworn i saw a deadpool version of as an instagram ad back when movies were happening, but now that im looking for it it doesn't exist so i might be crazy.
im excited for the move stage but im also trepidatious because...its move. i have NO clue what the concept is from the previews so i just hope its weird enough to take it enough out of the taemin context for me to enjoy it.
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hermionegranger56 · 3 years
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a v late recap of evermore
so i think Taylor Swift sensed that i was Going Through It and was like here you sad bitch, here’s another surprise album to help fix all that. cause good lord evermore is just what i (and i think we all) needed. i truly TRULY can’t believe we’re lucky enough to get a sister album to folklore, i love it so much. the first day it was out i drove myself 2 hours to the very end of the Cape and sat on an empty beach and cried to it and honestly??? magical. here are my thoughts on it that no one asked for:
first, as an overall here, this album complements folklore so well. it’s the spring to folklore’s autumn, it’s self-assured and warm and beautiful. each album shows off her lyrical genius so well and she only grows stronger here. when folklore came out, i was floored because the music was so different for her and so up my alley. each song’s production sucked me in and it was like she was confidently telling us “here is another genre i can work with” (masterfully at that). evermore feels different. it feels like Taylor is so comfortable in this creative space, she isn’t trying to fit into any new molds or expectations, she is just HERE, now, saying “this is who i am and this is my craft”. it’s really been a privilege to watch her grow as an artist. ok. here we go
willow:
god the video was so beautiful, a really good continuation of cardigan. the chorus is so so delicate and prettyyy, thats MY MAN ughhh its so good. it reminds me a lot of invisible string tbh, or if betty from cardigan grew up and found love. this is really one of my favorites, she starts so strong
fave lines: “the more that you say, the less i know/ wherever you stray I follow/ i’m begging for you to take my hand/ wreck my plans, that’s my man”; “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind”
champagne problems:
oh dear god, it’s if all too well and new years day had a baby and it is a MASTERPIECE. i can picture it all, college sweethearts, broken hearts, i feel like its new england at christmas, ivy league old money…its cinematic. and it gets at the feeling like you’ll never be good enough so you leave before that happens (basically before you get to the tolerate it stage??) and OOF. AND GODDAMN THE RANTING BRIDGE (illicit affairs came close on folklore but i think THIS might be the best bridge since All Too Well). I’ve screamed it a lot tbh
fave lines: BRIDGE BABYYYYYY EVERY SINGLE PERFECT WORD. WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEADDDD
gold rush:
this one is bright and lovely and catchy!! it reminds me a lot of mirrorball tbh, all like swirly and magical. i can’t even put it into words but i can see this one so clearly. its all rosy and golden
fave lines: “eyes like sinking ships on waters/ so inviting, i almost jump in”; “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/with your hair falling into place like dominoes/ I see me padding across your wooden floors/ with my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door”; “the coastal town we wandered round/ had never seen a love as pure as it”; “my mind turns your life into folklore”
’tis the damn season:
UGH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME WANNA TEXT MY EX. the melody is SOOOO satisfying, the progression to “write this down”, i’m obsessed. the idea of being home for the holidays and feeling a little lost and tired and nostalgic for what could have been is something superrrr relatable. this song reminds me of snowy drives around my hometown in the best/worst possible way hahah. one of my top 5 for sure.
fave lines: “we could call it even/ you could call me babe for the weekend/ tis the damn season, write this down/i’m staying at my parents house/ and the road not taken looks real good now��; “and wonder about the only soul/ who can tell which smiles i’m faking”
tolerate it:
oh honeyyyyy this track 5 packs a punch, i mean the lyrics are absolutely BRUTAL in the best way. it’s just so sad, and encompasses a lot of my own insecurity about always feeling like you’re more invested in a relationship and watching someone fall out of love or just stop caring. i LOVE the “my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”, like bitch YES your love should be celebrated. also taylor sounds angelic on the “I” at the start of the chorus
fave lines: “i know my love should be celebrated/ but you tolerate it”; “i made you my temple, my mural, my sky/ now i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”; “what would you do if I/break free and leave us in ruins/ took this dagger in me and removed it”
.
no body, no crime:
YESSSSSSSSS I LOVE THE SUBGENRE OF COUNTRY ABOUT WOMEN KILLING SHITTY HUSBANDS AND THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHH!! I LOVE the beat, i love country taylor, i love the addition of HAIM. UGH ITS SO CATCHYYYY, like i’m obsessed with the slide from “i think he did it but i just. can’t. prove itttttt NOOO no body no crime” UGHHH this is without a doubt in my top five
fave lines: “she thinks i did it but she just can’t prove it”
happiness:
I heard this one described as an emotional marathon and holy shit it is, each line is a sucker punch. i really like how it feels like a conversation and looks at the acceptance and pain that mingle together when a relationship just…ends. her lyrics are unmatched on this album but this is a particularly strong track
fave lines: “i haven’t met the new me yet”; “when did all our lessons start to look like weapons/ pointed at my deepest hurt”; “there is a glorious sunrise/ dappled with the flickers of light/ from the dress i wore at midnight”
dorothea:
this one feels like Betty 2.0 and its so sweet and bright and also kinda sad. it’s wistful!! that’s the word i want, wistful! the vibe is gives off reminds me of Red, like musically. it’s home-y. idk if that makes sense but i like it a lot
fave lines: and if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know/ you know, you’ll always know me”
coney island:
ugh this one is magical, i honestly really love the instrumental to this one, it’s so soothing. the lyrics to me feel like you’re in some dream state, going through every heartbreak you’ve ever been through. I love the addition of The National, the vocals fit together so well (and I like it better than both Bon Iver features i think??)
fave lines: do you miss the rogue/ who coaxed you into paradise and left you there/ will you forgive my soul/ who you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”
ivy:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s how i feel about this absolute masterpiece oh my GOD) it makes me so incandescently happy, the folk feel, the lyrics that are so cinematic and poetic and paint such a clear picture (to me) of two Victorian lovers who are in unhappy marriages but don’t let that stop their love. the chorus just like….fills my whole chest, the OH GODDAMN hits so different. and i want “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand” tattooed on me, that is one of her BEST lines and i will die on that hill. its all so pretty, i can’t deal. the vibe also strongly reminds me of a) invisible string and b) Little Women (2019). i think taylor should do folk and uhhhh only folk please
fave lines: EVERY WORD BUT ESPECIALLY: “i’d meet you where the spirit meets the bone/ in a faith forgotten land”; “oh goddamn/ my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/ taking mine, but its been promised to another/ oh, i can’t/ stop you putting roots in my dreamland/ my house of stone, your ivy grows/ and now I’m covered in you”; “he wants what’s only yours”; “clover blooms in the field/ springs breaks loose, time is near“; ”so yeah, it’s a fire/ its a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it”
cowboy like me:
ALL RIGHT everyone sleeps on this song but oh my GOD its so good!! it’s smooth and dreamy and gives me that old fashioned, bonnie and clyde type love story and some of the lyrics are so poetic. I really love the addition of the Tim McGraw chords too???? BUT DEAR GOD COULD WE HAVE GIVEN MARCUS MUMFORD MORE OF A ROLE HERE??!! HE SOUNDS WONDERFUL, GIVE HIM A FEATURE, GIVE HIM A WHOLE VERSE. THIS IS A FOLK ALBUM TAYLOR, USE FUCKING MUMFORD AHHHH (i fucking love him omg)
fave lines: “dancin’ is a dangerous game”; “you’re a bandit like me/ eyes full of stars”; “now you hang from my lips/ like the Gardens of Babylon/ with your boots beneath my bed/ forever is the sweetest con”
long story short:
A BOP!! GIVE ME SOME HAPPINESS TAYLOR WOO! I really love how catchy this one is. it feels like her introducing the craziness of her life to joe and being like look all of that was tough but here i am now and I couldn’t be happier. It’s refreshing, self-deprecating and endearing. I couldn’t love it more and it is ALWAYS stuck in my head!
fave lines: “and he’s passing by/ rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky”; “long story short I survived”
marjorie:
ha hahah hah ha this one ENDS me, like dear LORD i need to call my grandma immediately. it is so so GOOD and SAD, like the you don’t know how good something or someone is until they’re gone, but even then, they’re still there with you. I love the grandma wisdom of “never be so clever you forget to be kind” etc. and holy SHIT the addition of Taylor’s grandmother’s opera singing as background vocals is GENIUS AND DEVASTATING, god the part where she goes “i’d think you were singing with me now” and then Marjorie comes in is honestly one of the most beautiful musical moments i’ve heard in a hot minute and it breaks me every time. wow.
fave lines: “never be so polite/ you forget your power/ never wield such power/ you forget to be polite”; “the autumn chill that wakes me up/ you loved the amber sky so much”; “and if i didn’t know better/ i’d think you were singing to me now”
closure:
ok i’m sorry, this is my only skip here. I really do love the lyrics and the idea of, yeah no you don’t deserve closure from me. i just can’t get past the pots and pans beginning, its too chaotic. but i’m sure it’ll grow on me! it does feel like finally moving on and i do love that about it
fave lines: “don’t treat me like/ some situation that needs to be handled”; “i know i’m just a/ wrinkle in your new life/ staying friends would/ iron it out so nice”
evermore:
god her voice is SO soothing in this one, it’s literally hypnotic. the song itself feels wandering and dark at first, like you’re stuck in this depression, and then bon iver comes in and it picks up and it feels like coming out of the trees, into the sunlight and finding your way again. finding that the pain WOULDNT be for evermore like she says. it feels like an ending and a beginning. beautiful
fave lines: “writing letters/ addressed to the fire”; “and when i was shipwrecked/ i thought of you/ in the cracks of light/ i dreamed of you”; “and i was catching my breath/ floors of the cabin creaking under my step/ and i couldn’t be sure/ i had a feeling so peculiar/ this pain wouldn’t be for evermore”
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url song titles game
Rules: spell out your url with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your url
thanks for the tag, @i-am-just-a-kiddo! I am always ready to talk about music
Absolutely not tagging 22 people because I am a sensible person and that would be crazy, but @circumference-pie, @tofufei, @angelxhunter, @ahlanzhan, here’s a tag if you’d like to share!
Generally pulling from songs I’ve listened to recently, though a person only has so many v- and y- and u- songs. If something comes up from 2009 we get what we get ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Read on for commentary
N – Nothing is Safe by clipping. – forever thinking about the line “truth like death comes for everyone” in the context of LYB
O – Out Like a Light 2 by The Honeysticks and Ricky Montgomery – the original version of this song is a classic for me but this version, uh, changes the meaning of the lyrics a bit
T – Tactics by Japanese Breakfast – currently reading Michelle Zauner’s memoir (Crying in H Mart), so I’ve had the whole Jubilee album on repeat to get in the mood
S – Sinnerman by Nina Simone – a masterpiece, need I say more
A – Agnes by Glass Animals - not sure if I can articulate all I feel for this song in anything shorter than a novella, will not attempt
Y – You Wouldn’t Like Me cover by Sleeping At Last – every song is improved if it’s covered by Sleeping At Last, send tweet
I – Il male è grande e vasto by Na Sang Jin and Park Se Jun - asdfghkjl this is from the Vincenzo soundtrack... say what you will about the show itself, but the soundtrack fucking slaps and I will put that on my gravestone (I beg thee, how often must one make a playlist called ‘songs that make me want to join an international crime syndicate specifically so I can play them while doing bad deeds’?)
N – Nước chảy hoa trôi (Reborn) by Nguyễn Trần Trung Quân – I watched the music video so many times when it first came out that now I need only throw the song on to enjoy a little screening inside my brain! Love when that happens
G – Gang Gang Schiele by HYUKOH - I started listening to them idly while working a few days ago. It started out as “sounds like a good vibe” and then it became “a lot of these songs are actually really great” and now it is “I think I need to consume their entire discography”
R – Rainy Night in Georgia by Brook Benton – when I was much younger, I would put this song on during early morning workouts, which makes no sense because it is the definitional opposite of a workout song
E – Extrication by SHIO 郭修彧 – I quietly associate this song with The Ghost Bride for reasons that aren’t clear to me. Did I maybe see a video with this song for that show? Am I imagining things? Who knows, certainly not me
V – Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks by The National – prime example of how I choose most songs based on vibes alone. I don’t even want to look at the lyrics because it would ruin the experience
O – Oh You Are Not Well by Chloe Foy – what it says on the tin! I particularly like the folk elements of this one
L – Le pré des corbeaux by Maxenss – this song feels like summer but is textually not very much about summer at all
U – Under My Skin by Jukebox The Ghost – I’ve been listening to them for quite a while and I keep thinking they’re going to break into mainstream pop and I won’t be cool anymore
T – Tujhe Dekha To by Lata Mangeshkar and Kumar Sanu – from Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, which I have not watched in I don’t even know how long but remember liking
I – I Of The Storm by Of Monsters and Men – "Little Talks" was the anthem of my mid-teenage years. Since then, I’ve come to appreciate the rest of their work on multiple levels. Also, the music video for this song moves me to tears every time I watch it
O – Oh my god by (G)I-DLE – I heard this soon after it was released two Aprils ago and had a “wait... did I just hear a she pronoun???” kind of moment. I appreciate the aesthetics of the music video as well
N – Nar_C by Holland – my experience with Holland began with “the first openly gay k-pop idol? Yes let’s see what he has” and is now “I will listen to anything he creates and also I would die for him”
B – Bad Dreams (Stripped) by Faouzia – despite being obsessed with her voice, I actually haven’t listened to much of her work beyond this song? Gotta get on that. Nevertheless, the powerful vocals + piano makes an excellent combination in this version
U – Underdog by Mayaeni – another artist who I would like to explore more! I connect a lot to the lyrics of this one
T – The Way You Felt (你的目光) by Alec Benjamin – linking the Mandarin version because 1) I like it more than the English version and 2) I more often hear songs that are translated from their original language into English. This is one of the few (contemporary) English bops that I’ve seen a mainstream artist intentionally release in another language and I do respect Alec Benjamin for that
(this got real long, shoutout to anyone who read to the end <3)
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But You Can Never Leave [Chapter 5: Don’t Even Think About It]
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Hi y’all! I’m so sorry I’ve been gone for so long...finals and job hunting got the best of me. I will be updating more frequently going forward. As always, thank you so much for reading!! 💜😘
Series summary: You are an overwhelmed and disenchanted nurse in Boston, Massachusetts. Queen is an eccentric British rock band you’ve never heard of. But once your fates intertwine in the summer of 1974, none of your lives will ever be the same...
This series is a work of fiction, and is (very) loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.
Song inspiration: Hotel California by The Eagles.
Chapter warnings: Language, very very very little sexual content.
Chapter list (and all my writing) available HERE
Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii​ @loveandbeloved29​ @killer-queen-xo​ @maggieroseevans​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @queenlover05​ @someforeigntragedy​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​ @namelesslosers​ @inthegardensofourminds​ @deacyblues​ @youngpastafanmug​ @sleepretreat​ @hardyshoe​ @bramblesforbreakfast​ @sevenseasofcats​ @tensecondvacation​ @bookandband​ @queen-crue​
Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! :)
You’re in the crowd at The Rainbow, although you aren’t sure why; this has already happened.
Freddie is skulking across the fog-draped stage as he belts out the chorus of In The Lap Of The Gods...Revisited, all glistening tan skin and teased hair, a pillar of nimble black leather; John is only a silhouette in the mist. Brian looks like something that’s crawled out of a cocoon: leggy and insect-like, the sleeves of his flowing white blouse like a pair of wings. And Roger...Roger’s in the back, of course—“the hardworking one in the back,” he always says—with a glittery black kimono-like shrug hanging loosely off his bare shoulders. He’s drumming feverishly, sprays of Heineken flying off his floor tom, his forehead and blond hair dripping.
“Whoa, whoa, la la la, whoa...
I can see what you want me to be,
But I'm no fool,
It's in the lap of the gods...”
Somehow, as the fog clears, Roger’s eyes find you in the crowd. He grins in that effervescent, blameless way that he does. And now you know for sure that this is a dream; because there’s no chance Roger could see that far without his glasses.
There’s a banging noise coming from somewhere, but it’s muted, distant, splintered like an echo.
Dream Roger is fading away, dissolving as the lights shade to black on the stage. He disappears, and then Freddie does too, and then Brian, and finally John. The crowd you’re standing in is a sea of churning, indistinguishable faces.
The banging grows louder, closer. You can hear a new voice now.
You swim up from unconsciousness and punch into daylight. You’re laying on your back in bed in a small, rustic hotel room; it takes you a second to remember what the world looks like now. It’s not November at the Rainbow Theater. It’s December 11th, and you’re in Rome.  
You sit up in bed and turn towards the door. Whoever is out there is knocking so forcefully that the distressed wood rattles on its hinges.
“Hey, Dorothea Dix, wake up!” Freddie is shouting through the door.
You rub your eyes as your feet touch the cool teak floor. The band flew into Rome late last night, and has one full day to burn before their concert on the 12th. You’d pitched the idea of visiting a few museums, the Colosseum, the Pantheon, the Roman Forum, St. Peter's Basilica, maybe even the Baths of Caracalla or the Temple of Venus and Roma; but it had been difficult to get anyone to commit at 2 a.m. when you were all exhausted and dragging luggage into the modest, quite geriatric hotel. Queen may finally have a Top 20 album in the U.S., but the streets aren’t paved with gold just yet.
“Darling, need I remind you that this was all your idea, you simply must wake up this instant—!”
You swing the door open. Freddie is standing in the hallway in a vivid yellow-and-black jacket and white jeans, tall boots, dark hair huge and curly, folded aviator sunglasses peeking out of his pocket.
“Get ready, bitch,” he says, grinning, then slips the sunglass over his dusky eyes. “All those gorgeous marble blokes with their cocks hanging out aren’t going to ogle themselves.”
~~~~~~~~~~
You start with the ruins, then end up at the National Roman Museum after lunch. Brian and Chrissie meander through the halls of cracked marble goddesses and heroes and piecemeal fractions of bodies, their hands intertwined; Chrissie took a few days off work to meet the band in Rome, and she’s glowing with the thrill of being reunited with Bri. Freddie is contemplating the displays, tapping his chin thoughtfully and chatting as John nods along and sketches in his notebook. There’s a photographer scurrying around snapping photos of the band for some magazine, to the vexation of the museum employees. They scowl from the corners of the rooms, their suits pristine and arms crossed, muttering to each other in Italian.
Roger leaps in front of a hulking statue of Perseus and mimics the pose. “What do you think?” he asks you, wielding an invisible spear. “Am I courageous? Divine? A mirror image?”
“You’ll have to work on the hair. And gain like a hundred pounds.”
He wrinkles his nose. “Pounds?!”
“Whoops. Kilos. A lot of kilos. But I think I like you as you are. Can I see your hands?”
Roger falls out of his pose, smiling. “Yes ma’am.” He presents his palms for inspection. The first weeks had been hell for him as his hands were worked into touring shape, repeatedly blistered and worn raw, iced and treated and bandaged by you each night only to be pummeled all over again the next day. Of course, Roger hadn’t described it that way; he shrugged at the blood and swollen knuckles, his eyes already alight with the promise of future shows. That’s just a casualty of fame, love, he’d told you. I’d take it all again and more. The last of his blisters have healed now into discolored callouses, rough whirlpools of memories from cities like Glasgow and Bristol and Helsinki and Munich. “I can get more pounds too, you know. I’ll be swimming in them. I’m gonna buy you a mansion when we get home.”
“Not so fast, blondie.” You graze your thumbs over his rugged palms and release him. Aside from your annoyingly incessant concern for Roger, your job hasn’t proved to be too taxing: there have been sprains, minor lacerations, severe hangovers, some alcohol poisoning, and one case of syphilis that you identified and sent the unfortunate man to a doctor for, all of which afflicted the roadies rather than the band.
“How’s Jo doing?” Chrissie calls over from where she and Brian are scrutinizing a sculpture of Apollo. She tosses Roger a smirk.
“Fine,” he replies briskly. “It was amicable. She understood. Nothing personal, just with the tour and everything we knew it wasn’t going to work out. Bad timing, that’s all.”
“Hm. That’s not exactly how she described it.”
Roger sighs, irritated. “Well, Chris, I really can’t control what she chooses to tell you, can I?”
“Shhhh. Play nice, love,” Brian coos, massaging Chrissie’s shoulders.
Roger pops a cigarette between his lips and moves to light it. A museum employee rushes over, waving his arms frantically. “Per favore, signore, no smoking near the exhibits—!”
“Oh, right, right. Sorry.” Roger tucks the cigarette away, then turns back to you. “Okay, no mansion then. What’s your fancy? Diamonds and gold? Tigers on leashes?”
“A harem of sensual Italian men?” Freddie suggests. Chrissie bursts out laughing.
“I hope not,” Roger says.
“You know what I really want?” you say, eyeing busts of Hadrian and Nero.
“What?” Chrissie asks.
“A camera. A really good one. To document all of this, our adventures. I mean, I know we have...” You wave towards the magazine photographer, who’s mostly snapping shots of Freddie and Roger. “But it would be nice to have my own photos. Carry them around in my wallet, force strangers to look at them, cover my refrigerator with them, all that sentimental stuff. So the minute you kids start making real money, I’d like a nice Canon. Or a Nikon. Or whatever the best camera is.”
“The Canon F-1 is quite good,” the photographer offers.
“Perfect! Clearly, I know nothing about cameras. And will need a hefty instruction manual. But I’m still excited.”
Roger winks. “I believe in you.”
As you all wander into the next room, Freddie spies a grand piano and sprints to it. He slides onto the bench and begins testing the keys. A distraught museum employee appears instantly.
“Signore, please, this is for the museum staff only, please signore!”
“Oh relax, darling, I won’t break it.” He begins experimenting with some light, jazzish melody.
“I love Rome,” you decide as you stroll past the Aphrodite of Menophantos. “Are you sure we can’t stay here forever?”
John frowns as he shades in whatever he’s drawing in his notebook. “It’s too bad we couldn’t make it to Florence.”
Freddie rolls his eyes from the piano. “Deaky, darling, this Dante’s Inferno obsession has got to go. It’s positively morbid.”
“He ends up in paradise,” John protests wryly.
Freddie snorts. “Yes, well, Florence is a three hour drive each way. Next time perhaps. Once we’ve all got private jets and Nurse Nightingale over there has her posh camera.”
“And we’ve acquired trophy wives to pose with us,” Brian jokes. Chrissie squeals and shoves him good-naturedly.  
“We could go to the beach,” John proposes.
“A seaside rendezvous?” you say playfully.  
Freddie hums and nods as his fingers fly over black and white keys.
“Signore...” the museum employee begs. The photographer circles Freddie and the piano, snapping picture after picture.
“The beach?!” Roger whines. “It’s too cold for that! We can’t swim, we can’t sunbathe practically naked, what’s the point? And we’re checking out that club tonight. The one by the hotel, what’s it called, Fred? El Fuocolio?”
“Il Fuoco,” Freddie corrects, amused.
“Ah. Forgive me for not keeping up with my Italian.”
“We don’t all listen to opera, you know,” you tease Freddie. He peers over at you thoughtfully, then continues playing. “I’ll go to the beach with you, John.”
He almost drops his notebook and pencil. “Will you?”
“Of course. I’ll have fewer opportunities in my life to see the Italian seaside than get tipsy and evade dodgy men at some bar, most likely. Although I will miss seeing your dancing.”
“Aww!” Now Roger is dejected, his huge blue eyes pleading. “You have to come with us.”
“Next time,” you promise him.
“This time.”
“Next time.”
“Fine.” He points at John. “Don’t let her get eaten by a shark or run off with some Italian playboy.”
John grins. “I’ll do my best.”
Two burly security guards arrive and begin shouting at Freddie in Italian. “Oh fine, fine!” he snaps as he stands and abandons the piano. The museum employee beams triumphantly.
“Fred, I think we’ve tormented them enough,” Brian says.
“Bri, can we go to the beach too?” Chrissie asks. “Please?”
“It’ll be chilly.”
“I have a jacket. And I can borrow yours if necessary.”  
Brian chuckles. “Okay. We can go. Ostia’s the closest one, I suppose.”
“You’ll love it,” you tell him. “It’ll be like time travelling. You get to stand on the same shore that the ancient Romans did, bury your feet in the same sand, watch the same sunset. That should appeal to an astrophysicist such as yourself.”  
“How poetic,” John muses.
Roger comes to you, shrugs off his black leather jacket, drapes it over your violet sweater.
“Roger, don’t—”
“I’ll miss you,” he interrupts, smiling, then presses his lips fleetingly to your forehead.
~~~~~~~~~~
The four of you take a crowded, decidedly unglamorous bus to Ostia and walk the beaches under the fading afternoon sun. It is chilly by the crashing water, and the wind whips across your cheeks forcefully enough to sting; but none of that stops you. Brian and John collect seashells, and Brian retreads all the details of the tour—all the things he wishes he could do over, all the things he wants to change going forward—as John listens, smoking and nodding when appropriate. You and Chrissie kneel in the cool sand and shape castles with your hands, giggle about how messy and lopsided they are, scribble notes in the soft sifting remnants of stone and quartz: Chrissie loves Bri, Buy Sheer Heart Attack today, Queen was here. And you’re thinking about Roger more than you should be, and Chrissie knows it; but she’s not going to say anything about that now.
When the boys come back, Bri sits in the sand next to Chrissie and begins to decorate her castle with the shells he found: scallops and clams and tulip shells and oysters and tiny lightning whelks. She claps and hugs him, leaps into his lap, pulls him in for a kiss.  
“This is terribly unfair,” you say, staring morosely at your now even less impressive sandcastle.
John appears beside you and offers a massive pink conch filled with very small, pristine, glossy shells. You gasp and clasp a palm over your heart.
“Really?!”
“Yeah,” he says, puzzled. “Who do you think I picked them for?”
“You’re the best. The absolute best. A treasure. I owe you my life. Wait...” You pick up a thin shard of driftwood and write into the side of your sandcastle: John Deacon, and then a heart encircling it. “You are officially lord of the sandcastle.”
“A prestigious position, surely,” he says, smiling, then passes you the conch. “Go on.”
As you place the shells, he finds a dried bit of seaweed and impales it on the piece of driftwood, then plants the makeshift flag on the tallest tower of the castle.
Brian glances over and shakes his head, his mess of curls shivering. “Chris, love, I fear we’ve been outdone.” Then he nods to the words you and Chrissie carved with your fingertips. “Leaving letters in the sand?”
“Promotional material,” you quip; but you can tell the wheels in Brian’s magnificent mind are whirling.
As the sun sets over the Mediterranean Sea, golden speckles of light floating disembodied on the waves, the four of you get gelato and browse through bookstores and wander down cobblestone streets. And on the bus ride back to the hotel, Brian points out constellations as you hold the conch shell in your lap and doze against John’s shoulder.
~~~~~~~~~~
Brian and Chrissie depart to get dinner when you arrive back at the hotel, taking the rare opportunity for a date night. You try to think of a more romantic destination than Rome. Paris? New York? Venice? Probably none of those. You push the images that flood your thoughts away: candlelit meals with violins serenading in the background, the warm cascading glow of streetlights, tossing coins into fountains older than either London or Boston, gazing over the table and into the ensnaring oceanic eyes of the person who won’t be there. Roger.
“Do you think Roger and Fred are back yet?” you ask John in the lobby. He’s still got his notebook in his jacket pocket, but he won’t let you see it.
“I doubt it, but let’s find out.”
You ride the elevator to the band’s floor, still clutching the conch shell, as John fields ideas for dinner.
“Roger’s going to want pizza and beer, but we might be able to get Freddie to go for something more swanky. Actually, he’ll probably order dessert first. There’s a restaurant down the street that I heard has phenomenal tiramisu and lasagna.”
“Oh god. I would kill for a good lasagna.”
“No need for all that,” John says. “We don’t have enough cash for your bail.”
“If they serve lasagna in prison, you can leave me here.”
“But then who would patch up our debaucherous roadies?!”
You laugh as the elevator lurches to a halt and the doors open. “Just call me up in prison and I can talk you through it—”
You step out and turn down the hallway; then all the air vanishes from your lungs. Roger’s fumbling with his key as he tries to get into his room...and pressed between him and the door is a raven-haired, modelesque woman in a short red dress. His eyes are closed, her tongue darting between his lips, his free hand skating up her bare thigh and beneath her dress. And suddenly you’re being dragged back into the elevator, John’s arms locked around your waist. He hits the button for the lobby then reaches for you uncertainly.
“Are you okay—?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m totally fine, I’m...” But for some reason, your throat is burning and your eyes are blurring with tears. You try to blink them away and they drop down your cheeks like rain.
“You’re not,” he realizes softly.
“Goddammit,” you choke out, sobbing.
“Hey, don’t do that,” John pleads. “Please don’t do that, please don’t cry—”
“Oh god, I’m so sorry, this is so stupid...” You fan your face and try to wrangle your breathing. The way he was touching her...I can’t forget the way he was touching her. “I am so stupid.”
“You’re not,” John flares. And when he opens his arms you rush into them, burying your face in his jacket as he pulls you closer, drowning you in his warmth. “You’re not stupid,” he says, quietly but severely. “You’re wicked smart and wonderful and perfect, so you’re not allowed to say anything to the contrary. Alright?”
“Okay,” you whisper. And it occurs to you—as your breathing slows, as your tears subside—how incomparably comfortable this feels, homey even.
John clears his throat. “Hey, not to break this up or anything, but you’re sort of stabbing me with the conch shell.”
Incredibly, you laugh as you back away, swiping at your eyes. “Sorry.”
The elevator doors open, and John leads you out into the lobby. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” he says. “We’re going to go to that restaurant on the corner and I’m going to order a lasagna—”
“John, I don’t think I can eat anything.”
“Doesn’t matter. Did I say you were going to be forced to eat it at gunpoint? No I did not. I’m going to order a lasagna, and if you want some awesome, and if you don’t we’ll just sit and talk. And you can nibble table bread or drink so much wine you forget today ever happened, whatever you want. You make the rules. But we’re going, and I’m ordering lasagna.”
“Okay,” you reply, sniffling, smiling up at him gratefully.
The restaurant is teeming with tourists, and you end up seated at a tiny table near the back with very dim lighting and a roaring fireplace. It’s deliciously hot, burning away your misery; or, at least, making it feel as if it might belong to someone else, as if maybe you heard about it from a friend or in a song, maybe even dreamed it. You take Roger’s leather jacket off and hang it on the back of your chair. When the waiter arrives, John orders for you.
“One lasagna, the biggest one you have, and extra table bread, and uh...” He skims the menu. “Two red wines and a Coke. And a sparkling water. So the lady has a selection.”
“Si, signore. Grazie.”
When the waiter leaves, John lifts off his jacket too, then unbuttons his shirt to his navel. The sweltering glow of the firelight dances across his pale skin in a way that is mysteriously distracting. “Well, it definitely doesn’t feel like December in here.”
“I’m sorry, maybe they could move us—”
“No, that’s alright, I know you like it. And one should be sweating in Southern Italy, don’t you think?” He tears off a hunk of bread when it arrives and plates it for you. The conch shell lays on the table by the salt and pepper shakers, to the visible confusion of the waiter.
“Thank you. For everything, John. Really.”
He gazes at you with those blue-grey eyes that can look like either clouds or steel depending on the occasion. Tonight they are misty, like the froth over waves, impossibly soft. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he says gently. “I don’t know if that helps at all, but I think it should. It doesn’t mean anything to someone like Roger, what you saw tonight.”
You sigh. “I guess it doesn’t. And I’m sorry, I know it’s ridiculous, I know that, and I’m just so frustrated and...and...I get it, I get that I have no right to care about anything Roger does, which is why I feel like such an idiot for reacting this way, but I just...I just...I’m just so...so fucking torn up about it and I’m sick of being surrounded by it all the time and I’m...I’m so...I’m...look, I’m sorry, can you button your shirt or something? That’s very distracting.”
“Oh, it’s distracting, is it?” John asks, grinning.
“Don’t you dare—”
He undoes several more buttons. “How about now, are you sufficiently distracted?”
“John, no!” you wail, laughing.
“I wouldn’t want to do anything to distract you from your tortured inner monologue...” He removes his shirt entirely and tosses it to the floor. “How are you now?”
“Very distracted,” you wheeze.
“Excellent.” He smiles, resting his face in his hands, the firelight flickering over his bare chest and shoulders, reflections of flames in his eyes. “See, you don’t look so sad now.”
“No, I guess I don’t.” You bite into your hunk of bread. But still, the way he was touching her...  
John sips red wine and smirks teasingly. “You know...if you ever get tired of the celibate lifestyle...I’m always game.”
You laugh, shaking your head, and open the Coke bottle. “That’s very much appreciated. But I don’t just want sex.”
“I know,” he replies, solemnly now. “You want him.”
“That’s pretty pathetic, isn’t it?”
“I don’t think you’re pathetic at all.” That seems like it must be a lie, but John sounds genuine.
“You’re my best friend, you know,” you tell him. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Certainly not get treated to authentic Italian lasagna.”
You chuckle. “I’m sure that’s the least of your talents. Veronica is a very lucky woman.”
John nods, staring down at the table now, pushing crumbs around with the back of his hand. “If you say so.”
And, in the end, you managed to eat your half of the lasagna after all.
~~~~~~~~~~
When you get back to your hotel room, it’s very late in Italy...which means it’s only early evening in Boston. You pick up the phone and resolve to use the last of your miniscule weekly allowance for a long distance call.
Your mom answers on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Guess where I am right now.”
“Hopefully on a date with that nice Roger boy.”
“Oh my god, Mom.”
She titters pleasantly. “Tell me, dear. Germany? No, no. Spain.”
“Rome.”
“Oh!” she sighs, steeped in nostalgia. “Daddy and I went there on our honeymoon! Ages ago, of course. But it was wonderful, otherworldly. Like getting lost in a fairytale. How do you like it?”
“I love it,” you murmur. “Mom, can I ask you something?”
“Always, dear.”
You twirl the phone cord around your fingers anxiously. “How did you know that Dad was the one?”
“Hm.” She pauses; and you can envision the way she takes a step back and glances up at the ceiling whenever she’s thinking something over. Oh, maybe I do still miss parts of Boston. “Well...you know Daddy wasn’t single when we met. And neither was I.”
“Yeah, I think I remember that part of the story.”
“I’m not sure if I can explain it, dear. Truly. I...” She drifts off, pondering it. Finally, she says: “I’d had plenty of other boyfriends. I’d been interested in other people. And people are all so different, they all have something unique to offer to your life, whether good or evil. But when I met your father...I just felt like I couldn’t live without him. Suddenly nothing else seemed possible if he wasn’t in the picture. Like if he wasn’t there I’d spend the rest of my life missing him. Does that answer your question?”
“It does, yeah.” You close your eyes and feel the dark Mediterranean night air breeze in through the open window. The conch shell has found a temporary home on top of the antique dresser. “I love you, Mom.”
“Aww, I love you too, honey. And you’ll make the right decision, whatever that is.”
You look out into the constellations that Brian introduced to you earlier, Aries and Fornax and Perseus. “I hope so.”
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