#but what can i say? i wanna read one shots sometimes and there r so many more t.ristamp ones around 😭

[orcelito]

Like. Ok. It's a big part of why I've separated myself from t.ristamp fandom more since finishing the manga. I just. The way a lot of the fans over there interact with the show is just so very different from what it means to me. And this is especially evident with how they treat Vash.

The "babygirl", the sweet sly sexy trans guy who is soooo innocent and small and meek and a total doormat, would never ever Ever say anything mean Ever, just total sunshine and daisies all the time (unless he's sad and then he's a pathetic wet meow meow who has to be bundled up and doted on until he's happy again, poor Baby)

I'm being dramatic here but like... also not? Some people really do characterize him like that, and it drives me up the wall.

I love Vash for his complexities. The way he contradicts himself. He's a staunch pacifist, but he gets angry enough a few times to be tempted to kill. He's goofy, yet haunted. Sweet, yet bitchy. And oh GOD he loves being an annoying little shit so much. He's jaded, yet hopeful. Resigned at the state of the world, yet still working to make it better. Plays the idiot, but is a total badass when push comes to shove. And for all his frequent childishness, he really is quite mature. That soul deep maturity that he achieved over a century and a half of struggle and strife, countered by his wish to just have Fun...

You see? These are two entirely different characters. After truly getting to know the 2nd (mainly manga vash, though 98 has some aspects of it too), the first just. Really falls flat.

And this. Is why. I need to stop reading t.ristamp fic. Bc more likely than not, I'm going to be disappointed.

#speculation nation #sorry i lied bitch mode wasnt over #& ok at the end of the day. if u really enjoy the first characterization then like. w/e. you do you i guess #it obviously appeals to plenty of people considering how widespread it is. #just. really not for me. #and i know that characterization isnt in all t.ristamp fic. i Know. some people really do him justice #but it feels like playing russian roulette lol. at Least 50% chance when clicking on a t.ristamp fic of seeing a characterization #that is so off the mark from what i love about him that it completely sucks the joy out of it. #....and 50% is me being generous. could be Even More than that. though im not exactly keeping track. #just.... sigh. at this point i really should just accept that it's not for me. #so that i dont end up coming back here every few weeks complaining Again about bad vash characterization. #but what can i say? i wanna read one shots sometimes and there r so many more t.ristamp ones around 😭 #it's not like im Looking for them specifically!!!!! 😭😭😭😭 #and so the cycle continues. and i will be continuously disappointed. alas.

[familyvideostevie]

extra one shots for the farmer’s market au, you say?? i know requests are closed and the fic isn’t even done yet, but if you felt inclined to write steve and r apple picking and then pie baking… i would be indebted to you

-b

you asked for this before the fic was even done but i knew i had to do it. so, here you go! hope you enjoy :)

bee girl and steve bake apple pie before thanksgiving, post-au | [1k] a no good at waiting one-shot, au masterlist __

"I just don't see how you have never baked a pie before...ever." Steve shrugs and continues to wash the apples you scavenged from the almost-bare orchard. It's the very end of the season and you've just spent a few hours in the cold collecting as much as you can carry.

"El usually does it," he tells you. "But this year she practically begged me to invite you over instead. She said she had faith that we could work it out." The soft smile on his face is so endearing you just have to kiss him. So you do -- a soft, quick peck on his cheek. He doesn't stop washing but his cheeks darken. The air has been cleared after Halloween and every day you wake up with butterflies knowing that Steve is your boyfriend. That this town is your new home.

"You're not going to make me do all the work, right?" Steve's kitchen is too small for the number of pies you're going to make -- four, apparently -- so you've taken over the kitchen of the main house. It's huge and airy, the sink boxy and deep and the cabinets painted a light green. It's a little too stylish for Hopper, you think, but El seems to make good use of it.

"Oh, because you're the pie expert?" He flicks water at you from his fingertips and you yelp. "I don't think so, honey. I am out here to prove myself." Apples washed, he properly dries his hands and steps around you to get the cookbook. The kitchen is big enough for you to have your own space but Steve sticks close, hands on your hips lightly as he moves, as if he's happy to float in your orbit. Which, you suppose, he is. He loves you.

"Okay," he says, dragging out the second syllable. "Wanna do a big batch of dough, then cut apples, then we can fill and decorate the tops?" You hum, coming to stand behind him to hook your chin over his shoulder and read the recipe for yourself. He leans back into you for just a second, sighing with what you've come to recognize as contentment.

You work together well, turning on the oven and pulling out ingredients in sync even though you don't know where anything is in the kitchen.

"Why the fuck are tablespoon and teaspoon abbreviated almost the same," he mutters. "Oh, El said she made crust for us and it's in the fridge."

You open it and find four neatly rapped balls of dough. "She did the hard stuff for us!" you cry. "Next year we have to make it ourselves." You don't realize what you've said until Steve doesn't reply. Next year. Like you're planning that far ahead.

"Okay," he says softly. When you turn to look at him he's smiling, eyes find and hands already reaching for you. "We'll do it next year." He pulls you in by your belt loops for a quick kiss, on the lips this time. It still leaves you a little dizzy.

"Don't think Hopper would want us making out in his kitchen, Steve," you mumble, eyes closed. He groans but release you, heading for the cutting board.

"Fine," he says. "But once the pies are in? All bets are off." He winks at you before he tosses a clean apple in the air and catches it. "Now, you wanna roll out the dough while I cut these?"

You make four large circles and save some to top the pies with, thin strips that you intend to weave into lattices. Steve carefully chops the apples before you both make the filling to toss them in.

It's a quiet process, but you're good at that. Much of your talking as a couple occurs in bed when you're holding each other close, or on the phone in the middle of the day, or when you're driving. When you're together you settle into the peace of enjoying each other's breathing. Sometimes it's enough to just be in the same room as someone you love.

Before you know it, you have four filled pies and all that's left is to lattice the tops. "This looks complicated," Steve says. "You sure you want me to help? I might just mess it up."

"Don't be silly, Steve," you scold gently. "Just watch me and do it at the same time. You're coordinated." He rolls his eyes at you but copies your movements as you weave, carefully lifting and placing the strands of dough. "Just like that, yeah, see? You've got it!" you tell him and he preens, mouth curled at the corner as he looks over at you through his fringe. He insists on doing the second one himself, and it's almost perfect.

"How much time do we have?" you ask. He checks the cookbook as you slide the dishes into the oven.

"50 minutes, I think. We'll keep an eye on them. It would be a bummer to burn down my own job, huh?" He starts to put the dishes you used in the sink and turns on the hot water. You move to help him, drying as he finishes scrubbing.

For just a second, you imagine doing this with Steve in a kitchen that you share. A home of your own, life together in a whole new way. Maybe for your own dinner party or just for yourselves, baking something delicious and eating it on your couch in your living room and going to your bed after. It's a nice thought.

"What're you smiling about?" he asks you, bumping your hip with his.

"Oh, nothing," you say, and he crinkles his nose at you. He won't push but you're trying to be more candid with him and though you're a little embarrassed, you tell him a version of the truth. "I just love you, is all." He blinks like he wasn't expecting it, though you've said it many times by now. Then he turns off the water and gently takes the towel you're holding to dry his own hands before he turns to face you fully.

"Well," he says, a little shy. "Maybe taste the pie first and see if that's still true." You laugh and lean into him, breathing in the smell of the apples mixed with the warmth that's all Steve.

"Love you, too," he whispers against your temple.

#steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x you #no good at waiting

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: In The Air Tonight

Now this is a song that many people know, at least partially! Even if the name doesn't ring a bell for you, you almost definitely know the part that some people call "one of the most iconic drumlines in music", so really it's no surprise that this was an arrangement from The Human Drumkit himself, Mr Layne Stein! Voiceplay's cover of In The Air Tonight premiered on YouTube on the 17th of June, 2023, and features J None, back again! I will of course say more about the video when we actually get into it, so let's go!

Apparently the style/aesthetics of this video plays homage to a classic 80s cop show called Miami Vice, which used the song "In The Air Tonight" in its pilot episode, in a scene which (so I've heard) has been referred to by some as one of the most iconic in the history of television.

(Also the car belongs to Layne's dad, and likely would have been sitting in the garage since the early days of 4:2:Five, at least)

J looking very cool and fresh in that red blazer! (Reminds me of the Walk Like A Man section of the Boy Band Medley!)

Geoff is, once again, the only bare-shouldered/sleeveless one of the group! (A back-to-back occurrence if you don't count the Peaches video!) (Also peep the necklace!)

A cool audiovisual effect thing to transition into the "modern-day" filming style!

Cesar is vibing, and Eli is back at it again with the unworn-sunglasses-as-accessory!

Cool necklace! And he's got earrings, too!

I won't lie, this may be one of my favourite Geoff Looks of 2023. It's not even anything particular about the outfit, he just looks so pretty in this one! (And his hair is looking very nice here, too 👀😁)

"Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand"

Of course I had to acknowledge Cesar's powerful side-eye here! Like seriously, if anyone ever asks you what a side-eye is, just show them this moment! 👌

Group shot!

I believe I read a comment somewhere saying this was filmed outside PattyCake Productions or something, like outdoors? And apparently it was a bit warm outside, especially with the lighting rigs, but if they were sweating/partially melting at all during this, you really can't tell! They did great!

(And shoutout to both Layne and Tony for set design and direction!)

Cesar never fails to put his whole self into his performances, and I love it every time

Voiceplay love adding brief little moments like this into their videos sometimes, just to keep things interesting and/or keep viewers on their toes 😄

Get it, Layne! Go off!

I wanna post screencaps from Geoff's little vocal solo and/or Layne's epic drumline-recreation immediately after, but still images don't do either justice! Go (re)watch it yourself!

"I been waiting for this moment, for ALL my liiife!"

The retro filming style/aesthetic is back! Happening so quickly and smoothly that you would be forgiven if you didn't immediately pick up on it! (*cough*)

Sure, why not?

"Well I been waiting for this moment, for all my life, oh loooooo o r r r d d"

(Pretty Boy!!!!!)

J None is freaking amazing, and I really hope he becomes a permanent Voiceplay member again someday; both he and Cesar are fantastice vocalists and performers, and they both have vocal ranges wide enough that they can both easily take the role of baritone and/or tenor!

In my opinion, the original song does not really start getting interesting until the "bass drop" drumline like 3 minutes into the song, but Voiceplay's cover is not even close to dull for a single moment! We get incredible vocals from everyone in this one (and I didn't talk about Eli much at all here, but vocally he was of course phenomenal), and the arrangement has a fair few complexities and interesting stuff to it, like the stomp-clap-click percussion moment which I still struggle to actually keep in time/on beat with! Definitely a very strong cover from Voiceplay, and frankly it's a crime that it "only" has 500k views on YouTube! It deserves a million! At least!

#voiceplay #acapella #In the air tonight #geoff castellucci #eli jacobson #layne stein #cesar de la rosa #j none #acaplaya analysis #voiceplay visuals

[bimboviolence]

questions 1 through 5 for any self insert you feel like talking about! :]

Oh ur a legend thank u for indulging me, l'm of course doin my self insert into the dr*amworks fantasy magic world who's with Jack

1. what are the basics of your self insert? name, date of birth, height, etc.?

NAME: Devin Of Hell

GENDER: non-binary, They/Them (also accepts She/Her)

SEXUALITY: very bisexual

DATE OF BIRTH: June 15

HEIGHT: 5’7

My character is a magic user who bound their heart and mind to a demon (we r girly bffs and talk mentally almost all the time) and together they conjure nightmares in peoples heads for cash, it's like a hitman type thing but the target doesn't die they just can have their mind warped to believe things or be made afraid of things. We could do some really extreme shit with Bills mind hopping and altering abilities, but he's at a point in his existence where he does not wanna fuck with large scale shit. (he hath experienced death and does not wanna do THAT whole ordeal over again) and I simply have no interest in anything that could force me out of the shadows. I love being mysterious.

There's wanted posters for my character but they don't have pictures, just info that there's an evil wizard woman and a magic triangle poisoning dreams and warping minds, and to contact with any info (it's a really long shot for a wanted poster, most ppl who actually read it think it's a joke)

2. when in canon does your self insert come in? do you have a scene in mind for your entrance?

I do not view myself as a part of an actual movie plotline in any way, I just wanna insert myself into the world itself so not REALLY ever, I guess in terms of the movie years prior (cause then jacks alive LOL)

3. how do the other characters generally feel about your self insert?

I think I would be generally liked by people who don't know my evil deeds, I have a sadistic side but l'm polite and charismatic, so l'm truly one of those villains who'd be so nice the hero might go 'oh god I forgot this person manipulates minds and has no issue with murder.’ Which I WILL say this fictional version of me in this villainy narrative would be a lot more nasty than I am in real life, this character doesn't blink at violence and crime and finds specifically evil power extremely enticing.

So I genuinely think it'd be a 50/50 if a character would like nice Dev or hate evil Dev. Cant help being a Gemini!!

4. would you be considered a main character, side character, villain, or something else?

I am absolutely not a main character, l'm like side villain who shows up sometimes to assist if I’m asked, but usually fucks off cause I have my own thing going on, and I'm really not interested in stopping the heroes of a story or anything like that. I'm not interested in no large scale schemes, just having a good time.

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

I do not I am a standard human being with a highschool diploma and a song in my heart but because I am psychic linked to a chaos demon I can benefit from what he's able to do. I can Do magic spells and I have a small bank of knowledge on how to make a handful of potions without a recipe (or they're scribbled on stained post it notes that I keep in my wallet). My character also dabbles in Creating spells but they don't go super well often because that takes a lot of work and I give up easily LOL

#bill is in everything with me that’s just how it is #THANKS FOR ASKING!!! this was fun for me #doodles #sorceress of hell

[volfoss]

be real with me. should i read one piece.

On one hand, yes bc I am rly enjoying it and it is one of the best shonens I've ever read. You do have to get past the ugly art (you do get used to it semi early on if thats any condolence) and how the women r drawn well. In a way lmao. I'm only 250 or so chapters in so like my thoughts may change in the future but rn it's smth where I would say yes however I do kinda wanna like give you heads up on a few things that are worth knowing before you start under the cut, discussions of some transmisogynistic content under the cut

So I haven't hit this arc yet (from what I know it starts at ch 523), but there's an arc that basically um. Fits a fair amt of really bad tropes. I'm going to direct you to this WordPress blog that is run by a trans woman and she talks about it in depth (more than I can rn as I haven't gotten there yet) and why it's um. Handled in a pretty bad way. There's also a character that's relatively similar (although tamer in terms of how he is handled) earlier on (introduced ch 129) that is clearly a sort of gender unclear character? And honestly this character could be handled worse and also better but it's also not as bad from what I understand of the latter portrayals of ppl that are GNC. One piece however does get better w trans characters and two of them are handled well (from what I understand) although they got introduced I believe in the 800s or 900s in terms of chapters. But what makes the earlier GNC rep worse is that like. One of the fan favorite characters comes out pretty transphobic towards these characters and in general so it's a heads up I feel is necessary to give (learning this initially made me go um :/ about one piece so it's smth that I do want to give a heads up on)

There's also the rly shitty archetype of man being creepy 2 women who are not interested who coincidentally is ALSO the transphobic character. So like giving u a heads up on that bc its played as a joke but it can be taken a bit too far sometimes and can be uncomfortable. The character does show up pretty early (ch 43) and is a part of the main crew so you do have to deal w him being like *that* pretty often bc it's literally towards any woman he sees.

Onto other things however, there's genuinely a lot of good in it. The women are the best written women I've ever seen in shonen (esp comparing to Naruto and jjba) and that's in spite of the um. Proportions (the post about the author drawing women literally like o><= is pretty famous so p sure you know what I'm talking about). The plot is genuinely very fun and the characters are all well written as well as their relationships and friendships. I genuinely like haven't read anything like this in terms of how genuinely all of the characters in the main group are paid attention to and not ignored in terms of their development. It's the big obstacle of getting over how the art can look at times and how the women in particular are drawn (it starts out not being too bad but like this pic was from maybe ch 180 or so)

^ the proportions are um. So in a way for sure. But I say all of this to say that I think the length and art are pretty daunting of like oh god there's over 1000 chapters/100 volumes but imo like if you're interested in it, it's worth it. If you are like interested in a certain character (ie nami. You would LOVE nami everyone should love nami) I think it's worth it to read to their backstory or to the end of their arc if they're a minor character. Imo if you wanna give it a solid shot, I'd give it at least until like 20 chapters in? If you're invested in nami and wanna stop after her backstory (very emotional will destroy u etc), that's ch 95. I think it is genuinely very good but there r also the issues and problems and stuff! I hope this very long winded post answered your question and if u need more details on stuff I'm here :)

#asks #🏴‍☠️ #but um. yes. get sucked into the one piece hell (affectionate)

[cluelesslesbian]

alright tumblrinas prepare yourselves for me using my blog as my own diary for a lil bit uwu

i gotta hand in the proposal for my senior research project by tmrw night and gUESS WHO HASN'T STARTED ANYTHINGGGG

me. it's me. i'm so unmotivated and oddly tired lately?? like fr slept for most of my reading week and I'm so confused how???? i was so excited to start researching n drawing stuff in my free time?? wack. i blame depression- that evil bastard swirling my poor innocent noodle brain around on it's demonic pitchfork... idek what I'm saying alright NEXT SUBJECT---

im working w a local medical aesthetician who wants to create a guideline/course for medical professionals and beauty technicians to take in order to improve their bedside manners (aka how u talk and interact w clients/patients, the extra jazz on top of your scheduled appointment stuff ykno??) and ANYWAYYSSS I'm so down to help her bc!! i totally agree that some ppl are so casually insensitive when handling patients? and she was telling me about how heartbreaking it was that some of her clients were so surprised by her?? just being a decent human & doing her job??? like,,, yall I'm talking if a trans woman wants a brazillian wax?? like I personally don't like touching other ppl but like?? there's nothing wrong with that at all????? but apparently some places will deny that kinda service bc of their [prejudice OR lack of training in waxing diff genitalia... it's easy to say it's just a transphobic professional but sometimes,, there's just no resources for ppl to access and they don't want to hurt ppl in the process ykno?? its complicated but ethics b like that lol] and anyways ugh ok now I'm remembering how she hesitated telling me the details of waxing someone who's faced fatphobia and BRUH- I'm a twig, I can admit that but?? HOW would u not know or be comfortable asking someone to hold up their stomach or arm while u did ur job???? like I get it- some ppl might say it too harshly and that's a subjective tonal issue.. but?? like it's not rocket science to just BE POLITE- and anyways idek but yeah..

so ok im getting excited one again yay this was a good idea- imma start researching what ethical considerations are directly mentioned in physician training, how medial education is formatted, and bedside manner things... then I'll start compiling a report about what SHOULD be done and how it can be taught instead... (me and the nice lady r thinking of starting by creating awareness on insta via infographics and fun stuff before creating an online course... she wanted to do like a community college typa course but I recommended an etextbook course bc?? i mean I've done plenty of university courses primarily using an online textbook site soo it's def worth a shot and can be mass-distributed & can b formatted to allow for accessibility ..things.. wait whats the word.. uhh OH- ACCOMODATIONS yeeeee im so smort

....ok thats it. probs. this was neat. 10/10 brain feels more on track now omg..

OH yo i gotta remember to declare in my research intro that I'm a cis woman... wait or not... depends on if I focus more on soft-skills vs. hard-skills in my research.. no wait i still need to bc yeah i get diff treatment as a woman who fits the stereotypical "girly" standard than others might.... hmm ugh i don't wanna do a survey but now I'm wondering if i should get ethics clearance to (anonymously) question lgbt+ folks in my area about their experiences since it'll def be more reliable than some paper in a fancy-schmancy medical journal .... but that's so much woooorkkkk nooo 😭

okokokokoK one thing at a time.

gonna start summarizing some medical research to start a lit review.

then identify if there are gaps in existing research (specifically around patient mental health when it comes to demographic characteristics)

then summarize some marketing research to make informed predictions/recommendations on how tooooo... like productively change your habits or at least identify them? yeah? hmm marketing for how to present that info but psych & epidemiology research to get the content of the info probably....

OK BET YEET

#...bro don't open the read more bc this boi LONG #i wrote exactly what was on my mind bc ocd & anxiety was literally not letting me start this project ok-- so don't judge meee

[evilovesyou]

F P S for the fanfic asks <3 Also please PLEASE write for my religion fest :3

Hi, love <3

I've been insanely busy the last few months and I've barely had time to write at all... I don't wanna sign up for stuff and then not deliver. Though I did just look it up again and the deadline is in March with no wordcount regulations soooo... I may have signed up anyway. <3

The fanfic ask questions are from this post...

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

I can't think of anything specific, but when the opportunity for one of those classic turns of phrase arises, I can never resist. Like "oops" and "hi", or Harry saying "heey"...

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

It really depends on the length of the story. For one shots, I barely plan anything at all, I just go with the flow. For long fics I usually write a chapter-by-chapter outline to keep myself on track, though I sometimes adjust or change things if the characters develop in unforseen ways.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

I had such a hard time finding the right snippet from this conversation in starin' back from the lookin' glass (there stood a woman where a half-grown boy had stood).

It's a long conversation about boundaries and it kind of proves that these characters know each other so much better than they think they do, or even than they should. This is like the emotional climax of a story that is so full of feeling, and even just reading it back now to find a snippet from it made me tear up. This is from somewhere in the middle of that very long conversation…

Louis took his hand away and sighed. “How can I make sure you’re actually comfortable?” he asked.

“Louis.” Harry rolled his eyes. “You’re better at it than anyone I know,” he said earnestly. “I’m fine. I’ll be okay. I’m here for you now. Take me.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Harry asked, suddenly put off. How could he refuse him? “Is it because I’m not pretty enough this way?” he asked, feeling as though he was spitting fire right in Louis’ face. “Did you not tell me a million times that you like me either way? Was that not true?” He got up, wanting to grab the clothes Louis had put out for him but he was held back with a strong hand around his wrist.

“Even when you accuse me of lying to you, I think you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen,” Louis said, tone measured in a way that let Harry know this was serious. “The reason I don’t wanna sleep with you isn’t because you’re Ed—because you’re a boy right now. It’s because you’re upset and you’re trying to make up for your emotions by pleasing me.”

Harry stared at him, anger rolling off him in waves. He wanted to say it wasn’t true. He wanted to prove Louis wrong, but he didn’t know how.

“All I ever want to do is please you,” Harry got out through gritted teeth. “That’s what you fucking get for making me love you, asshole.”

Louis pulled back and Harry took a step away, but forgot what he’d been about to do when Louis collided with him in a vince-like hug. He stared ahead, not knowing what to do, until it hit him what he’d just said.

“Is it true?” Louis asked against his shoulder.

“I think it is.” Harry sighed, finally letting himself hug back. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

read the entire fic on ao3

#asks #larrysballetslippers #my writing

[feuqueerfire]

KinnPorsche Episode 1 - 13 Live Blogging

Now that there are like 12 days left until the end, thought I’d start the show. I’m glad I waited until now to watch the show because I’ve seen a lot of opinions and some clips here and there so that I can kinda adjust my expectations better to avoid disappointment (apparently it's got: great acting, the plot is shaky/sometimes nonexistent, delicious dynamics, more comedic than expected, more romance than mafia). 

Honestly, regardless of what this show does or doesn’t do well, I’ve read some of the AO3 fics that were completed before the show aired (or like up to episode 2) and some writers/fics write suchhhh good Kinn/Porsche dynamics that I’ll just go back to those + newer fics. 

Also, it’s funny because I know like the first 2-3 episode stuff because I didn’t care about being spoiled for that and then hardly know anything from ep ep 5 - 10, but know almost everything regarding character/relationship dynamics from ep 11/12 lol.

Episode 1 (June 27)

I’ve watched nearly the whole episode from gifs when it first came out + read some of the comments on r/boys_love On Air post for this + listened to the BE Podcast’s episode on episode 1 like 2 hours ago, so I wonder if that’ll hinder or aid my enjoyment of this.

the gelato dick joke i’ve seen gif sets of

Apo unbelievably attractive

I wish the first scene we see with Kinn was in the actor’s native language or one he’s fluent in.

also the iconic “People say I’m more like my mom”

ngl i don’t really see why Kinn killed that random guy. Just as a warning to make sure the big guy doesn’t cheat anymore?

Porsche’s charming ass “50 thousand” (Though I don’t get why Kinn needs his help)

i don’t get what was up with the goons lol there were so many of them and I’m guessing they were sent by the man Kinn kinda threatened, why did some of em try to kill Kinn with guns and others kinda just had knives and hit him and stuff. I should stop looking into this because wtf were them just missing the shots from 2 meters away lol

my never ending Porsche beautiful comments goddamn

they use gu/meung with each other

omg slight crypto criticism, as there should be. I know the uncle’s a Problem though

their fight choreography is pretty good but makes me freaking dizzy

the inhaler ad thing lol

oh yeah Chay calls Porsche Hia. I didn’t expect that in the fics

Porsche and Chay are so cute but I can barely enjoy it because I know the happiness is boutta go down the drain because of stupid ass uncle

I’ve seen both Porsche’s uncle and Kinn’s dad in other BLs

omg Porsche is a student?

alsjnsja I knew Jom was Porsche’s friend’s name cuz of the BE episode but this is hilarious, why’d he give a real persons name T.T

so Kinn got his watch back that he gave Porsche? he got it for 700k but it should be 2mil?

Kinn’s so brash lol first how he dealt with the other mafia guy that lead him to be chased and now just kidnapping Porsche lol

Porsche is so beautiful and full of audacity. Makes me wanna read fic inside Kinn’s head as Porsche speaks to him with such callousness. omg he spit at Kinn’s face. Unrelated but i read a fic where Kinn spit in Porsche’s mouth it was great 👍

Porsche really fights dirty lol

lol the music as Porsche jumps into the water

oh yeah I think I kinda remember that it was Kinn’s father who wanted Porsche as the bodyguard, not Kinn himself

oof the uncle

I really like Porsche and Chay’s scenes. The way they were still joking around but teary eyed and trying to stay strong for each other. The letter was so fucked up though like I get why he had to but omg imagine waking up the next day after all the horribleness of the night before only to find out your brother has vanished and you literally just have 0 family left

Here’s the thing. The K: “don’t forget your life is mine now” P: “My life is mine” is good for the show, that type of pushback is interesting. However, this line is also soooo good for the dynamics of the fics.

Porsche having to agree to this job he doesn’t want where he can get killed despite originally rejecting because of the need for money is reminding me of Squid Game

Good starting episode, interesting to watch it while I knew literally everything that was gonna happen lol. Porsche is beautiful. Fun dynamic where Kinn and Porsche seem to get on the other’s nerves.

Episode 2 (June 27)

I considered watching only 1 episode a day so that I don’t have to wait for episode 14 to release but umm that won’t be happening rip

They just have Perth speaking English for fun lol

?? Is that Pete and is he just not wearing any pants? lmfao

Porsche being like “Kinn’s younger child? I thought he was the big bro, acting all mature. Ai’Sutt” is so cute somehow. funny guy

Porsche is such a prankster but my guy having to face the prank himself because he’s so obvious is so akdljf was it toothpaste that he put in the drink? 

Who are the guys with Kinn? His friends? and also they’re dating

The fact that “Or are you scared?” works with people is wild to me like uhh yeah

Anyway, iconic apple shooting scene and iconic Porsche waiting until he’s private to show his nervousness

Smoking in front of the no smoking sign lol

Poor Porsche, mans is a mess but I’ll let it pass since he’s having to be Kinn’s bodyguard despite not wanting to + having to let Kinn shoot at his head

Did Apo actually hafta pee or is it just like a bottle squirting thing

lmfao Tankhun has arrived - it’s the way I’ve watched both TharnType and Second Chance that Tong is in

I can see the carps aren’t dead

Porsche mermaid

the tie choosing scene :0 I get it though Porsche is freaking beautiful

a goat sound effect after Porsche fell?

lmfao Kinn giving an interview about bread 

I’m dreading Porsche getting drunk and embarrassing himself/Kinn

lol finally the “Ohh nice man” “She’s killing me!”

Oooh did Vegas send the (lesbian) murder attempt lady? Based on nothing but the English + the minor family being brought up soon

I think sometimes the show is too comedic and it takes away from it, like when Porsche falls asleep while Kinn’s lecturing him

my watching the first Vegas-Pete interaction with wide wide eyes because I’ve already seen clips of their shenanigans in ep 11/12 and liked them lol

bruh is this kid from the minor family? Porsche is just trouble maker 3000 fr omg the kid’s even bleeding from the head

oooh Macau, I remember some people shipping Macau/Chay instead of Kim/Chay but I didn’t know what that meant

Kinn slapping Porsche... slapping slapping slapping slapping slapping

this is not my twitter but my twitter certain knows what men being slapped does to me and how every time it happens it’s like an angry or fighting scene and hmuch i keep wanting it to be in a proper nsfw scene instead

omg slapping + choking + the humiliation of it all, this is what that fic was about. like just watching the scene is me going “oh?” but if I think of the dynamics and fics and nsfw implications, it’s like O.O oh. 

and all of that in order to save Porsche’s life. wild times

Ooh, Porsche being bad at making coffee the first time he gives it to Kinn was also in a fic I read. 

lol Tankhun.

Vegas’s dad wants him to keep an eye on Porsche. I guess this leads to the rape attempt? Also does this mean it was in fact not Vegas or his father who sent the lady to sus out Porsche before? 

A very comedic episode, wish it was a bit less comedic, I liked it more when it was about the conflict with the minor family. Liked getting to see more of how stuff works with this mafia. We saw no Chay at all, how’s little guy doing. 

Should I watch Episode 2.5 now or later? Maybe later when waiting for episode 14 to air, right?

Episode 3 (June 28)

lol Tankhun and his dramas but why did Kinn say “who showed by brother this?” asklfj Tankhun is mid-20s at least, he’s gotta know what porn is already

the party at the bar scene Tankhun you’re so fun

is this the Cherry I’ve seen mentioned sometimes in KP fics?

lmfao “the best bodyguards are out there with Papa” @ Porsche who is definitely not out there protecting anybody

A hair dye product placement?

lol Porsche improving his bodyguard skills enough that he can say “Hey nice one loser” to Perth’s character

Dang Porsche flashbacking to his uncle’s beat up face as Kinn’s bodyguards beat up this other guy who owes him money + sold his secret (which secret by the way aklsfj is it the same thing Pete was talking about in episode 2 after Porsche woke up from being choked? Something that changed Kinn from being kind?)

Kinn signaling Pete to take Porsche outside when he notices Porsche is uncomfortable

oof Porsche realizing he’s now of the people who has to teach the people who can’t pay back loans “a lesson” despite his family having to go through it on the other side previously

Aw, Pete growing up to learn that there are no heroes nor villains in this world. Like he’s certainly not doing the actions of a hero

Why would you leave somebody you beat tf out of alone

Yeah bro, I don’t get whether we’re supposed to believe Kinn is smart because he does some real dumb shit like you know there are guns and weapons in the room and you just leave the man you made an enemy out of in there? Perhaps it’s arrogance (the belief that he wouldn’t dare)

oof first time Porsche had to shoot to kill a guy + got shot himself

what about the doctor we saw in ep 2 who takes care of the injured lol

“This place belongs to me. So every thing in it belongs to me.” okay Kinn, I agree

it’s funny how every time they make prolonged eye contact my guy Porsche just looks and Kinn starts being like agh, fuck, time for me to leave

Wish I didn’t already know the insider is Tawan

lol we got Jeff Satur silhouette 

Pete’s so attractive in his bar outfit cuz his hair’s not in a bowl cut thing

What’s up with Kinn’s friend who has a bf touching the shoulder of one of Porsche’s friends and sharing a look?

Porsche having a great time partying the night after he got shot lol

I still don’t know how mafia sons can just party like this (esp the day after Kinn got assassinated almost) but like good for them i guess

This Porsche dragging Kinn to lay down/sit at the pier all drunk is sooo cute. I remember I saw a tiktok of it when it came out and it was so cute

omg “I did everything I hate today” ?! It can’t be the same day right?? Maybe the Cherry/Kinn -> Kinn sanitizing Porsche’s wound happened in the daylight and not at night. rip mans really collected a debt, got shot, killed a man, then went out to party while all sad about it

Oof Porsche is really, really going through it “I killed a father. His kid’s definitely gonna be in much trouble as I was.”

Oh, they kiss. I mean Porsche is drunk out of his mind and Kinn kisses him but like I know some drugged up sex is boutta come up next episode so this is a much smaller blip

How’s Chay doing, I wonder? Porsche is around town, going to his usual club, but no communication or anything with Chay.

Episode 4 (June 28)

lol my guy Porsche doesn’t even remember who he kissed. Kinn really went he ain’t gonna remember any of this, my time to shine.

Dang, Kinn’s thinking about the kiss. Wonder how he’ll react once Porsche doesn’t remember or like how the remembering vs forgetting will shape their interaction

oof Vegas has found Porsche. I know he’s gonna attempt to rape Porsche + that torture scene with Pete is also a few episodes down the line but he looks so normal and mundane now. 

lol Kinn jealous of the Vegas and Porsche interaction while Porsche doesn’t remember the kiss at all and doesn’t interpret the interaction as anything other than friendly. It really is like regular uni BLs but higher stakes

Naurrr Kinn be specific what the hell is “About last night, are you okay with it?” At least Porsche mentioned the herbal spirits, otherwise Kinn would’ve been walking around with some very different notions about their relationship

lmfao of course Porsche would get himself a chance to use the sauna and of course Kinn would come in

ooh a Pheonix tattoo, I think I remember fics mentioning something about Porsche and a pheonix

Bruh I thought they were gonna maybe talk about Chay and have someone check up on him or something but Porsche just said “He should be okay, probably playing around while I’m not around” and then asked about Kim like... 

not the “If you were a girl, would you like me?” Kinn you are a mafia boss, stand upppp

girl, there’s gonna be so many more episodes before the random VegasPete sexual torture + non-torture sex with feelings scenes but I’m watching all of their interactions like O.O

girl not the Vegas taking Pete’s spot so that he’s on Porsche’s left and so Kinn coming in to join and  take Arm or Pol’s chair so that he’s on Porsche’s right. Wild ass dynamics because it’s literally regular Thai BL but they’re mafia + Porsche is gonna get nonconed one way or another, praying for you my dude

Cheese product placement

I knew they were gonna have tension about putting food on Porsche’s plate

Big gave Porsche something to give to Kinn and I can feel it in my bones that it’s gonna be that scene where Porsche has to hide and watch Kinn have sex 

I’m dying this is so alkjdfs it’s like when I had to pause 5 times to watch some Secret Crush On You scenes

Porsche ain’t homophobic at least

Pete: “Everyone here knows. I thought you knew.” Porsche: “No I don’t. I don’t know a damn thing.” lol funny guy really had to take Cherry home previously after he and Kinn had fucked I presume and he still didn’t know/guess

Porsche remembering that he and Kinn kissed -> Porsche like a dumbass “Do you think people who aren’t a couple can kiss each other?” -> Pete: batting eyelashes. Bro I like Pete and Porsche so much

What’s Pete wearing, is it a lungi?

Finally some Chay again. I don’t know why I thought he was like a freshman in uni, seems like he’s actually a senior in high school?

Beautiful, beautiful Jeff Satur + his pretty voice

Did Chay steal that poor girl’s shirt with his answer lol - oh no, he didn’t, good

I’m so excited for Chay lol adorable Also I do love a celebrity/fan thing and I think the only other BL that gave me that was Close Friend 2, so we’ll see how this one handles it (I say despite already knowing the jist of how it’s handled up to episode 12)

“I wanna know, if he didn’t return me to you, would you ever think of taking me back?” Wild, wild question from Porsche. Delicious dynamics with the wording being so... ownership-y. Also kills me that they use gu/meung with each other. rip Kinn’s answer “For me, all our people are the same.” like bro noo Porsche remembered the kiss

I guess this would’ve been a big reveal [That WIK is Kim, that Kim’s suspicious of Porsche being the mole, that Kim sees Chay’s Porsche’s brother] if I didn’t know it all because of the promos and spoilers

Dang Kim’s got a board of photos and connections. What’s he uncovering? Is it just possible mole stuff?

The guy who plays Vegas (Bible) isn’t my type but he’s charming somehow? The way he says “isn’t that right?” with a little laugh is uh nice. I don’t know what about him is so disarming in these scenes considering I’ve seen what he can do and know he’s boutta drug Porsche

Anyway, Kinn asked for Porsche back from Tankhun lol

I didn’t really get the convo about “tool” lol anyway everybody noticing how beautiful Porsche is and also looking through Kinn’s excuse that Tankhun gave him back to him lol

I don’t like that they have Vegas speaking in English in situations like this, feels to intimate that I understand him when we’re literally watching from the POV of drugged up and bound up Porsche.

oof Porsche really is incredibly out of it

lmfao mans really just groped Kinn no hesitation “that’s why he’s still asleep”

ew kissing after Porsche just vomited 

Ooh, they translated it to pier. I was slightly confused if it was a pier or a dock or what the difference even was

Were those naked butts? How many men’s butts must I see before this show ends?

ew moaning groaning noises lmfao

omg hand clutching though <3

it’s wild to me that they were just... naked during that? tbh I’d assume they were naked for the wide shots and then had underwear on for the closeups where they were showing torse and up and mimicing movements

Vegas butt also goddamn

Dang, Vegas isn’t disarming and nice-looking anymore, the evilness is now visible. Fun. Makes me wish I didn’t watch the ep 11/12 vegaspete scenes where Vegas is wild and sadistic because the contrast would’ve been more impactful for sure

Anyway, KinnPorsche’s drugged sex wasn’t as uncomfortable as I feared it would be because Porsche was so like playful and eager about it. I know how to enjoy a dubcon drugged sex scene. I did however grimace at the fact that man got sexually assaulted like 10 minutes ago and had no time to process that before jumping into this.

I really am ace, I realized watching the last 10 minutes. Objectively, I think the actors did well and I think Apo is so attractive and they played well off of each other but seeing their bare bodies/butts did nothing for me and hearing the groans was kinda gross to me sorry. It’s the hand clutching against the window that freaking got to me though. Also the fact that Kinn loves kissing Porsche when he doesn’t kiss the guy(s) he had sex with as mentioned in this episode

Read this comment and its followups on the r/boyslove ep 4 on-air thread then rewatch the last few minutes, see if I feel different.

Excited to see terrible evil Vegas now that he’s not :) fairly disarming and just slightly antagonistic. I’m surprised by how magnetic and charming I found the guy considering his looks weren’t doing much for me before but after seeing a few clips of Bible + this episode, I think his charm lies in seeing him in motion something about him is just attractive.

Also, surprise character/person that I'm way more into than I thought I'd be: Pete/Build. So attractive (of all the characters in the show, he's most my type) and we're getting to see tiny bits of his duality of cute and good vs cold and ruthless, can't wait to see more of it

Episode 5 (June 29)

Okay keeping that comment thread + acting points in mind, lemme rewatch the last scene of episode 4 -> I skipped after they started taking pants off (except the parts where they held hands) but I think I liked it better this time around. I'm curious to see the aftermath

Porsche saying "What happened to me?" actually made me freeze. That's so fucked

Bruh is the butt counter actually 5 already? I don't need to see glimpses of Porsche's real ass when I wanna cry for him right now

Kim acts so suspiciously lol just staying for 2 minutes, asking about Porsche for all of it, then skedaddling. I'm just glad I don't know what his deal is beyond wanting to know more about Porsche + using Chay to do so, I wanna find out as I watch rather than be spoiled

Bruh it's not Porsche's fault that he drank the water after specifically smiling at Kinn to check it's okay and Kinn smiled back, making Porsche think it's alright.

rip not Korn taking out a pawn so that he can go checkmate and saying "see the bigger picture. don't focus on one piece and cost us the whole board like what happened before" oof hurts for Porsche and also what happened before, they keep alluding to it I wonder if it has to do with Kinn becoming unkind + the minor family's head being like do you give everyone many chances? @ Korn + maybe the secret Korn said that guy was selling when collecting his debt

I like how Kinn is with his dad. Still learning, still being scolded

Tankhun and Kim are so cute. T: "Are you here to visit or to spy on something?" K: "And?" T: "And did you find anything?" K: ... T: "Once a nosy person, always a nosy person. Nosy x5"

Why don't they translate the curse words properly? They kept using fudge instead of fuck and stuff and now Perth in English says "are you fucking dumb, bro?" but they just don't transcribe the fucking part like we already saw them fucking bro what's the word gonna do

I'm about to beat Kinn, Big and Ken on Porsche's behalf. Big and Ken die later on right? Deserved.

No like my guy got drugged (despite thinking he had permission to drink the water), almost got raped, had sex with a guy for the first time who is also his boss and is a mafia leader and keeps saying he owns Porsche, then got punished by ordered of said guy while 2 of his goons humiliate him

Pete and Porsche for real my favourite duo, I'll miss this when Pete's held hostage by Vegas lol

fuckkk Kinn's boytoy is here just as Porsche is leaving (after Kinn having given him no more than a glance and dismissed him as if he doesn't gaf where Porsche goes or what he does) T.T

Once again, attractive ass Pete at the club

Not Kinn and Porsche in the process of hooking up with different people but flashing back to when they hooked up last night

Bruh Vegas is here again? Also, how have they not figured out that Vegas was the one who went in and out of that room Porsche was in? They should at least mention wiped cameras or something

Didn't they drink? Why's Pete driving em home?

Fuck, the way Vegas is just... posturing in front of Porsche, all chill and even using English, just all confidence that he won't be found out.

We're gonna get jealous Kinn because Porsche is gonna be hanging out with his assaulter without knowing. Why am I smiling while watching Porsche be so happy after a while and Vegas is back to being so disarming and charming and seemingly unassuming. What a terribly cute scene as they're both smiling on the motorcycle with the calming background music and Vegas hugging Porsche.

Bro fuck Vegas is so good at sweet talking Porsche. After the day Porsche had, Vegas is being sooo sweet to him like bruh I would've 100% fallen if I was into falling for men/people. It's so sickening fr

Fuck bro what an argument: Me dying over Porsche trusting Vegas and saying the minor family has done him no harm. Kinn's "Don't you forget. Your life is mine. I can do what I want." Porsche daring him to do it (what? kill him? kiss him I'm guessing? idk). Kinn leaning in so close as if they'll kiss only to say he's replacing Porsche as his head bodyguard with Ken

Naurr Kim and Chay are cute, too bad Kim's a dickhead

Bruh Kim's so bad at this. "Let's do a song on your brother." "how you know I have a brother?"

Chay's so cute T.T I'm sad Kim's doing this to him

Bro finally some Porsche and Chay scenes but it's literally 3 2-second scenes with music overlap, so it's not any meaningful interaction the random shower product placement took up more time bruh

Pete is seriously best boy best character, my guy is standing in a tanktop and boxers, chalk all over his body, holding a towel in front of his crotch as he makes a request to Kinn to have a patient and calm conversation with Porsche

loll tension filled dinner that's still funny because of the role reversal kind of. Still annoyed we got more of his random friends than Porsche and Chay though >:( what about my brothersssssss

lol truly dumbassery to just go off alone like that, Kinn's so smart

woooo that was cool. van chase and murders and next episode is the one in the woods I guess

This was definitely my favourite episode thus far. It's the first one where I felt some strong emotions, mostly anger on Porsche's behalf. Confusing ass times whenever Vegas appears, mans is too good at acting all nice and unassuming and kind. I liked the tension and angst and regret. It had less over-the-top comedy (like the dinner scene was comedic but it wasn't overpowering other scenes and there weren't too many of these comedic moments). Pete continues to be a favourite. Apo's acting as Porsche was really good.

Next episode is the one in the woods, which I'm looking forward to. They're literally handcuffed together, so they'll have to talk it out certainly.

Episode 6 (June 29)

okay after episode 5 actually making me invested in the show and characters, I hope I really like this episode too. Especially because it reminds me of History 3 Trapped's little forest frolic lol

lmfao this rock paper scissors. reminds me of NCT Dream

bruh they're so ridiculous but I'm still smiling wide

ahh their laughing faces and clutched hands as they sit in the water

Porsche using pom/khun and -krab when teasing Kinn is cute

Vegas fucking kills me first of all why does he have to say "The thing is, do you think they know that we know?" to Macau in English in his smooth, smooth voice and then startling Pete and giving him food like "I see you've been on a lookout for a while." Anyway, I've seen like 1-2 second clips of Pete startling when Vegas appears, I didn't expect it to be so soon

Bruh Vegas played the slightly evil character so well here lol the way he's so slick and gives off dark vibes. villainous but not as villainous as he actually is

Bro when will Porsche and Kinn get over the joking dynamics and actually talk about what happened before the kidnapping? ...will they talk about it? like the excitement is freaking cute but pls... soon

how'd they get their shirts off with the handcuffs on? Edit: Okay I saw proof posted on the r/boyslove on-air for this that you can take your shirt off through the hole in the handcuff

rip Porsche, they kiss and Kinn pulls away

lmao rip Porsche, Kinn joking and saying Porsche has a small dick

okay I guess they likely won't talk about it but I guess I'll take this bonding. Also, interesting that Kinn wanted to be a singer. I wonder how he feels about Kim pursuing it

Dang rip Porsche and his sad ass childhood

I guess the "I would erase everything I did you wrong." will have to do as a heartfelt apology. What matters now is whether he changes in the future, especially when it's not just the 2 of them around

The scenery is so freaking beautiful + all the birds chirping

Ooh, Kinn talking about how he feels free in the woods like this

Okay, we're getting more apologies, especially about that night end of ep 4

Porsche is just so guy, I wanna be him, just such a dude

"Then, from now on, we won't have any doubts between us anymore" says Kinn while they're both pretending to move on from that night while they're both falling for the other more and more

Kinnporsche slap count number 2 !! This time Porsche -> Kinn because Kinn knew how to unlock the stupid handcuffs all along

Kinn really just did nawt wanna leave the woods cuz mans had a fairly okay idea how to survive. just pretending

aw shit, I saw a clip of this on Tiktok where Kinn's telling Porsche to leave. That's actually some of the action beyond words I was wanting

Wait so true like Porsche really was just willing to sacrifice a hand for Kinn, mans lost that rock paper scissors thing on purpose. The tension wasn't super high for me cuz I was like duh that's not gonna happen but Porsche didn't know that... he was freaking willing to cut off his hand wtf

Fuckkk Kinn's "maybe I just like it when you're happy."

This desperate, last-kiss vibes is so arrow to the heart man and followed by such a tight hug T.T

Bruh I was not expecting this turn like I knew Porsche was gonna come back but I was thinking maybe early episode 7 not that he'd have to defend Kinn against shooters and that Kinn would fucking take a bullet for Porsche oh my gosh and Porsche knows his chance to leave is no longer there

Bruh how do I feel about this episode? Like nothing happened in the first half except cute moments and then just emotions and feelings and getting shot. I think I'm just not a "deviating from our natural habitat for a frolic in the woods/beaches" episode kinda guy. Like in Bad Buddy, I disliked episode 9 but after that, I thought episode 6 and 11 were just kinda boring/draggy. So I really liked the last third of this episode where Kinn's apologizing and they're discussing feelings and Porsche's willingness to lose a hand for Kinn and then them thinking they're forever separated and then Porsche saving Kinn and Kinn saving Porsche. That stuff was great but I think the first 2/3 could've been cut down in half because I liked their joy and them getting to know each other but I was also like okay let's get a move along.

Random Vegas and Pete scene but I enjoyed it because Pete was so cute (the screams lmfao) and Vegas seemed like he was purposefully giving off the slightly villainous vibes when talking to Pete lol it was fun. It's interesting because Vegas seemed so normal when he was talking to the guy before like "Do you think they know we know that they're there?" but once he's talking to Pete he's like >:). Call me charmed rip

Anyway, I wonder how Kinn and Porsche's relationship will now progress.

Also, I love how there were just so many instances of casual touch in this episode, especially from Porsche's end. He kept patting water onto Kinn's back and neck, falling over him, leaning on him, etc and just T.T casual physical intimacy without kissing/sex is soooo everything to me

Side Story (June 29)

ooh, a short little side story

bruh I hate the "playing that something terrible terrible happened to the patient" joke every time but at least they don't last too long

I remember hearing about how Kinn woke up when he heard [someone else] flirt with Porsche and that name didn't register in my brain then but loll it's Vegas

Dang mans really came in like well these yellow flowers mean friendship and care but alsoooooo they can mean love <3 (with no expectation of return) lol Vegas said no rest for me and no rest for you @ Kinn, who wakes up due to this

Aw, Kinn and Porsche just lying/sitting in bed side by side

A tiny Porsche and Chay convo, cute. It feels monumental and Kinn asked Porsche if he wants to call Chay when this wouldn't have happened before they got lost in the woods/discussed their feelings

Cuddlinggggg

okay a cute little side story as they said.

Do I want to watch episode 7 tonight or... hm. I'll do homework for a bit and then do it I guess

Episode 7 (June 29 30)

I had to debate with myself for like 15 minutes whether I want to watch this now or tomorrow and I still don't know the answer. It's a whole hour long and I think it ends on an angsty note (I dragged the cursor to see like 2 frames and it's the one where Kinn's like 'you're so loose' or something to Porsche and also they slap each other.) I'm so excited to see Kinn's little face slapping @ Porsche but also... nervous because seems like this one will end on an angsty note. I... will do my homework for 15 minutes and then come back to decide whether to watch it or to just read some fics and go to sleep instead

lol okay I didn't end up watching it last night, just read some fics (T this time lol I've been just reading E ones since before even watching the show) and did some homework and went to sleep. I think I'm apprehensive because I think people started losing interest/getting annoyed in these next few episodes and also people hated Kinn in like ep 9 or 10, so I'm dreading that too. I hope I still like them and hopefully, I'll get to have fun at the VegasPete torture scenes >:)

"A win for the minor family" well hello Vegas.

lmfao not Vegas giving us a little preview of his torture? He's so scary and gross. Did he pull out a nail or what?

bruh Vegas for real not letting Porsche go.

Damn, very interesting like major and minor families have competition, which makes them stronger. Vegas wanting Porsche as his assistant means that Kinn now wants them to succeed so that Porsche can come back.

Vegas is so good at being evil and part of that means he's so good at being good to people too. Scary

oof that old man's just told people that Vegas and friends went inside

I think the dichotomy of how ~ polished and professional ~ the major family is contrasts well with how casual the minor family seems. They've got these men in casual wear just guarding doors with big ass guns lol

We've only seen Vegas and Macau for like 1 or 2 seconds here and there but I do like it as a sibling dynamics lover. They seem close

Porsche seeing first hand how differently (kindly) the minor family treats their guards. Vegas really is a good sweet talker with the "They give their lives for me, this seems too little" like yeah true but do I believe you do it out of the goodness of your heart? Actually, perhaps because I know he cries over the hedgehog in episode 12 or something

seeing Porsche drink something from Vegas's house after he'd drugged him in ep 4 is T.T

kasdjflask;dfj dead at Chay hurriedly cleaning his place and trying to get Kim to not come, he's so cuteeeeee. Also how the hell does Kim know where Chay lives (okay I know how he knows but why does he keep letting Chay know that he knows it all)

ooh, a mention of Tawan

Other fathers love dad jokes, Korn loves metaphors about Kinn's love life using chess or knives. rip him warning against loving Porsche and also telling Kinn to become his old self again.

Damn Macau's so chill with Porsche now lol woah even apologizing. I wonder... if Vegas told him to do that?

oh lol Vegas tells him that he told Macau to apologize

Chay is sooo awkward and endearing >.<

lol poor Chay going out of his way to lock the door but Kim just picking it wondering what he's hiding and it just turns out to be Chay's bedroom filled with Kim/WIK's photos rip

Bruh this random university, tutoring, guitar/singing, somewhat celeb/fan storyline is so aklsdfj Kim keeps pushing Chay like "you ever been in love?" "Do you like anyone right now?" whole time knowing Chay likes him because he snooped in his room

naur Chay describing the person he likes and it's so obviously Kim bye

oof jealous Kinn

aslkdfj ummm Vegas twisting the story I'm assuming of Kinn shooting Tawan for seemingly no reason? But Vegas' nice demeanor with his bodyguards and Porsche vs Kinn's coldness and paranoia certainly makes it believable.

Vegas' smirk as he's walking away l m f a o

Beautiful, beautiful Tay

Bruh Vegas is so good at torture for real, kept mans in a cell with a dead body

lol a little taste of Pete kinda spying (not quite yet) and being caught by Vegas

Freaking like it when love is shown through giving your lucky gun to your partner so that he can accomplish his mission well and return the gun (and himself) to you

lmfaooo I remember the "other gun" being a thing and people dying over it before lolll alright Kinn

bruh Vegas really is hot agh. The way he coolly smirks and puts his hands up? agh

Of course the unimportant people not in the truck die but the ones in the truck don't even though the possibility of hitting them should be pretty even

I'm not really a VegasPorsche shipper because of the ep 4 thing but them shooting people side by side and Vegas on top Porsche as they shoot at different directions is certainly appealing, even if also a bit funny bc what

tbh I don't really get why they had to do all that? Did Don send people to destroy one of Kinn/major family's casinos with that grenade thing so they're paying it back by killing Don?

Vegas talks so much about Trust(tm) when he in fact is a snake and a betrayer. Gets to Porsche though. Vegas has found out what pushes his buttons and is exploiting it. I wonder how much it's affecting Porsche though? Likely not enough to leave Kinn for this promise but maybe enough to bring it up to Kinn again and see if that kinda thing will work with their system?

Naurrr Pete giving Kinn updates on Vegas and Porsche interactions T.T rip Porsche. Also hm does this mean Pete fully knows about what Kinn and Porsche have going on? Or is he just ~spying on Vegas~

I wonder what Porsche thinks of Vegas knowing that he wants to open a bar. To Porsche, Vegas has been nothing but kind but he's also seen how cruel Vegas can be and how he's admitted to finding out more about him. Hmm

"I thought you were a heavy drinker" yeah why does Porsche get drunk so easily (like in ep 2) and also... did Vegas do something to his drinks this time again?

rip Vegas taking Porsche to a bathroom and taking off the shirt he purposefully spilled alcohol on :( rip Porsche gonna have to bear the brunt of Kinn being upset

Kinn and Porsche pointing guns at each other is cool even though the reason is more romance related and less mafia betrayal related than I'd like

I hate how Porsche keeps being assaulted by Vegas and then has to deal with Kinn like my guy just went through something ! >:( Be nice or I'll kill you!

Porsche was so happy to see Kinn in the beginning

face slapping count number 3 Kinn lightly slapping Porsche's face as he angrily asks "What the hell were you doing?", my favourite one !! I saw a clip of this on tiktok after I guess this episode was released and rewatched it so many times my gosh. It's supposed to be sad and heartbreaking but uhhh I like it for other reasons mostly, sorry Porsche.

Damn the "You never trust me. Just shoot me already like you shot your ex." is so fucked up

slap count #4 Porsche slapping Kinn and going "I shouldn't have slapped a crappy guy like you" this one is sad, yeah. also porsche admitting to loving kinn omg

fuck the way Kinn traps Porsche against the mirror.... fuck fuck fuck it's really uh a lot for me personally. Porsche becoming tiny, the way he moves away from Kinn but doesn't actually because he could certainly escape but he just... becomes small. The turmoil. Kinn saying sorry and freaking seems like on the verge of tears.

Porsche finally turning around them looking into each other's eyes. The bad decision hooking up and handjob !!! O.O Also Kinn mostly clothed, Porsche mostly unclothed (no underwear?!). So true.

Ending with a tight hug.

That ending scene after Kinn finds Porsche and Vegas is sooo good, one of my favourites of the series so far for sure. The dynamics and angst and also I liked it more than the episode 4 sex scene. I think this my also be my favourite episode tied with ep 5 (the action, all the Vegas, the last scene).

Interesting episode since Kinn and Porsche were apart and we got some action. Liked seeing the major vs minor family's ways of doing things.

Vegas was very attractive in this once except for that very very last part because I need him to stop assaulting Porsche. Other than that, very evil and manipulate and cool and fun and nice to look at.

Episode 8 (July 1)

lol I saw a post saying no vegas in this episode and I was like awwww :( why not? so that's where I stand in regards to him sigh

Anyway, it's interesting how the episodes kinda wrap themselves up so often that I'm not dying to watch the next episode. I have yet to watch more than 2 episodes in a day and I don't even really have to stop myself from continuing, it's quite easy to just leave it. I do listen to podcasts about the episodes I've watched and I go through tags so it's not that I don't care about the show at all but it's not like Not Me where I was desperate to watch the next episode and was on the edge of my seat and it's also not like Bad Buddy where I watched 1 episode a night (purposefully) and thought about it all day and was watching reaction videos etc

Rewatched the last scene of ep 7 from Kinn coming into the bathroom until Porsche's pants start coming off and yeah, what a good scene

lol so i guess Pete doesn't know that Kinn and Porsche are together

porsche crawling on the floor... haha. haha. anyway, this is the bread scene people were talking about

also the foot on dick scene

how much of this episode is just fucking bro? I guess it's just to show that they can't keep their hands off of each other

not Ken listening in?! Big too lol at least they left soon

What's the bar owner's name actually because in the subs it's Yok but from what I hear, people refer to her as something like Jay?

oh dang, Porsche can tell Yok and friends that he and Kinn are dating?

I guess this episode is really gonna be focusing on Kinn and Porsche's romantic relationship

Aww Porsche insecure being in his first proper relationship + it's also with a guy. him letting go of Kinn's hand :< but Kinn holding his hand again anyway

lol fuck this is my friends and I, halfway through eating realizing we forgot to take aesthetic pics

The aegyofication of mafia boss Kinn who has no worries of getting kidnapped or shot at

The thing is... they're cute but I don't feel giddy or excited watching lol. I just don't think I'm that invested in Kinn and Porsche's cutesy love life.

lol no way Porsche is the son of Kim's dad's mistress. We are not getting half-brothers please. I think in the book they uhh may be cousins ? or smth ? el oh el. Also, why's Kim telling Big so much considering he's so aloof other times

Bro Porsche sniff kissing Kinn's shoulder is soo cute actually. I think I'm gonna like this part of their date more since it's not so silly over the top but rather just them being calmly cute and also getting to know more of their emotions

Aren't there cameras everywhere at the compound thing? That's how they saw Porsche peeing in the pool? Bruh, I gotta stop thinking about these things because it makes it less fun

pool kiss

Porsche keeps saying "So promiscuous. So slutty." @ Kinn's boytoys Hmmm

this episode is so lowstakes that going through Kinn's phone is the most dangerous thing they've done so far lol

lmfao Porsche making merit because he thinks Tawan's ghost is following him

girl where the hell did Chay go to find Kim? Is this in front of Kim's apartment? That's very weird. Just showing up when Kim's been ignoring him um. But maybe deserved because that's what Kim did to Chay?

I went outside for the day, so I'm watching the last 10 minutes at 1am and T.T why are they watching a horror movie

porsche being scared of ghosties is so cute. like in ep 6 when they see the skeleton, then in the side story when kinn says the hospital is haunted to get porsche to stay with him and now this

lmfao Porsche being so scared he tries to entice Kinn with sex so that he's not alone tonight

Girl I really thought Tawan would be found out before the very last second of the episode?

This is such a useless episode if I think of it as a mafia show but less useless if I think of it as a romance I guess. It showed us the physical aspects of KinnPorsche's relationship + the romantic and sweet aspects. I wish it cut down the time so that everything in this episode happened in 40 minutes and the other 10 minutes was either like some Tawan stuff so that it's not just last second or Vegas being just fucked up or hot.

Regardless, I thought it was a pretty meh and boring episode (I wish I liked the Kinn/Porsche couple more, I would've enjoyed it more then), especially since it followed up episode 7 which had quite a bit of ~ things happening ~.

Episode 9 (July 2)

episode 13 came out and this time I'm forcing myself to not go on tiktok or click on the kinnporsche blocked posts on tumblr. I know too much from episodes 11-12 (esp about vegaspete), so I need to keep up the unknowingness for ep 13 at least. I'll probably get there in 3-4 days anyway.

Also, I think people were really upset at Kinn in ep 9 or 10, so we'll see how it goes. I think he let Porsche be captured or take the brunt for something (he lets Porsche be punished as the mole or something), so I guess we'll see some action and betrayal and fun things with higher stakes than ep 8.

The thumbnail in kissasian for this ep is Pete with Vegas and Macau 0.0

Poison in the water bottles given to Tawan?

Tankhun being like kill him! in his fancy outfit and holding the wine glass

Porsche says kinn when referring to him during talking w tawan doesn't he hafta use khun? Is it not needed if you're referring to someone else? Also, I wonder if Tankhun picked up on Kinn/Porsche

How is Arm the only one who can kinda see Kinn/Porsche have a thing going on?

Kinn has tasked Pete with keeping an eye on Vegas :)

naurr Kinn and Tawan too casual and Tawan talking about the past right in front of Porsche. Why is Kinn so comfortable with him now, fucker's smiling?! Letting Tawan grab his hand?! Do I think Kinn is smart enough to let Tawan think he's vibing with him when in fact it's all fake smiles?

Is one humourous moment (Kinn not realizing Porsche wants him to leave the room and not stick with Tawan) worth making Kinn appear stupid, like he doesn't understand what Porsche is saying?

Tankhun straight-up telling Kinn and he's not clever and that he's boutta be hurt again because of Tawan

this random dancing in underwear

lol Yok's advice. The "I'm strong but I can pretend to be weak~"

this seduction plan is so embarrassing, I can't watch this. It's like I'm freaking watching Secret Crush On You

aak, Pete came in

right, so Tawan definitely suspects something between KinnPorsche right?

I wish we'd gotten to see Pete be cold, calculated, and competent except that one time he had to beat up the lender and say how he didn't believe in heroes and villains to Porsche afterward. Like being told by Kinn to not let anybody know they're following only to be immediately caught by Macau is so. Esp cuz he was a drunk fool in the previous scene and also he hadn't figured out Kinn and Porsche are together

lmfao Macau talking to Pete and Vegas just standing and staring straight at him? so awkward

I remember reading an r/boyslove post talking about this temple scene, I'll read it again after the episode.

Oh they're making merit together "so that see each other again in the next life"... Vegas hand on Pete's back... okay. Vegas is so good at making something so uneasy despite using kind/nice words and gestures

Vegas soooo good at being pathetic puppy T.T "I'm sorry Porsche for that night" + "ppl in this family look at me weirdly :(" + "Pete was sent to follow me" :((( Is there a weird rumour going around about me? I guess I'm used to it since they've always been like this

Holy shit Vegas is sooo good at this. "Porsche, if one day Kinn orders you to kill me, can you not make me suffer?" Bruh, tugging at heartstrings and everything.

whelp, Kinn saw, as expected. Mole suspect

Bruh you don't even know what's in the USB yet

Tawan's "I told you Porsche couldn't be trusted" O.O I swear the only smart people in this show are Tawan and Vegas. They're so good at being lil bitches. Tawan also knew about the listening devices and didn't reveal it until now when it's most impactful, he's good at this

Ah here is why everybody was upset with Kinn. "Lock him up"

Porsche calling him Ai'Kinn

Chay is sooo freaking awkward and it's so endearing. My guy does nawt know what to do with his hands

I don't think their mutual feelings have really any weight (like... I don't see much romantic chemistry between them at all) but like sure. cute enough. I thought they'd be cuter based on like random tiktok edits I saw tbh

Bruh Tawan coming here to rub it in Porsche's face is so good! He's so irritating fr

Also I wanna know what's actually in the USB that Tawan gave. What evidence is in there and how will they deal with that

Girl, not Vegas coming in hot with the "run away with me, Porsche" askldfj

Okay, I liked this episode. Firstly, so many more things happened than episode 8, which is good because last ep was fairly boring. We get Tawan and also see he's a cunning dickhead. Some Vegas shenanigans with both Porsche and Pete. I like all the searching for betrayals and suspecting people vibes. KimChay were okay.

Gonna read some anger and vitrol @ Kinn from when the episode was first released lol + that post about vegas/pete temple scene

I wouldn't say this is my new favourite ep but like definitely tier 2.

Also I'm gonna need to start a vegaspete tag because I'm gonna reblog each of their scenes in gif form :)

Episode 10 (July 2)

Okay I'm excited for this one, to see how they come out of this mess + maybe some VegasPete. So I'll watch it tonight instead of tomorrow morning.

yakuzaoh yeah I forgot there's some Porsche and Vegas first. Vegas give it upppp my dude

girl no, who's stopping themmmm agh I changed my mind I don't wanna watch this anymore.

wowww Pete cool

guns pointed at each other -> Kinn: Porsche -> Porsche lowers gun: You have to trust me -> Kinn lowers gun and lets Porsche go

girl, love?! Didn't you confess to Kim like a day ago, Chay? only to be faced with triple homocide where Kim doesn't say it back + Kim's boutta ditch him w a sticky note + he doesn't even get to read the sticky note because he's boutta be kidnapped

Chay did well in running away for a bit though + at least Kim showed up

The way Pete is freaking ready to lay his damn life down for Porsche. Love the duo

Dang, this Porsche and Vegas pact

You did it Pete, got into the house! Love to see some competency that's not broken by jokes

lol Tawan's USB is a virus that shuts down their CCTVs (all their gadgets are so funny, like alright sure this is possible) and mans has escaped. cool, good for him for tricking all these ppl lol

no way, Vegas and Tawan actually ?! T.T I was like oh, Vegas what are you planning? Then seeing Vegas' plan is like well, you met all our expectations I guess - you did what everybody thought you were doing.

rip Porsche for real my mans is so trusting and forgiving and people keep abusing that T.T I need Kinn to have a bigger plan where he didn't actually believe Porsche betrayed him while treating Tawan well because otherwise I'll kill Kinn fr

Just kidding, okay Vegas punched Tawan, congrats for escaping expectations kind of because he's still apparently in kahoots with Ken to get information about the major family but I can't blame him for that one.

Also, I have absolutely 0 reaction to Ken being the mole, it's not like we cared about him at all lol

Vegas says "But this wasn't the fucking plan plan" and IQIYI subs it as "fricking" that's so aghhhh

Okay pretend I didn't scratch out all that stuff I wrote about Vegas and Tawan lol.

Vegas's "you just realized?" with a tilted head and smile when Porsche says you're such a jerk

lol Vegas' evil plan being detailed in front of Porsche for several minutes

Vegas killing Tawan for sport, so true. He was cool, although dumb as hell for believing Vegas would want to romantically involve himself with him but I guess Porsche trusted Vegas for a similar reason too (that Vegas loves him)

Bruh, how the hell does Tawan just have a bulletproof vest lol. And yeah so true, why didn't they give Porsche one?

girl, Tawan was doing so well so far, they're making him seem so pathetic now, calling out for Vegas.

Damn, they showed us some Tawan Vegas in the past, that's a good call. Makes you understand a bit more about why tf this is happening. Also my 2nd favourite villain was being manipulated by my favorite evil guy this whole time <3

Vegas is seriously soooooo master manipulator. He was getting to Porsche by confessing his love, saying he was sorry for what he did at the bathroom, and being pitiful about being seen as lesser than the main family. He was getting to Tawan by confessing his love, giving him a ring, and saying he'll become the strong leader with Tawan's help. Two very different methods and reasonings but he knows what to use to get what he wants from different people + also what he says both times is laced with truth, except the parts about him loving them. Vegas seriously my favourite evil little man.

nooo brotherly conflict T.T

okay so apparently Kinn knew that Porsche wasn't guilty and Tawan was in contact with Vegas and was going down to the cell to tell Porsche that. Firstly, that was still after he threw him in the cell, so there was still definitely a lot of mistrust there - enough for locking him up. Secondly, why didn't Pete just tell Porsche that Vegas and Tawan are working together, huh? Could've done that instead of fighting. Thirdly, why didn't Kinn tell him instead of letting him escape with Vegas?

Okay, let me talk about some things before we move on. I don't care about Big dying because just like Ken, they didn't develop him well enough. However, the characters should definitely care more but I've heard people say that they don't give a fuck, so I'm assuming he'll never be mentioned again rip. Next, damn, Tawan really offed himself - nice going dude with the "If I don't get to be happy, neither will anybody else." Thirdly, where did Chay just go? Are they gonna keep him around in the main family's house now since it's clear people will use him to get to them? Lastly, I was wondering why nobody was concerned about Pete's whereabouts because Kinn and Arm were in contact with him but both were at the warehouse location, so aren't they wondering what's going on with him? Then they showed us Kinn having a confused expression before cutting to Pete all bound up and I remembered that people kept saying "Kinn forgot Pete" and I couldn't figure out what they meant by that like did he get amnesia the fuck? but no, this is worse actually lol my guy went to the house ready to give up his life for Porsche + also previously gave info about Tawan and yet...

Anyway, let's go Vegas actual evil villain now because we know he's not doing some petty little "I'll steal Kinn's boyfriend bodyguard" games anymore, my guy was giving info to the Italians and the yakuza lol + was so deeply manipulating Tawan as to propose marriage to get him to infiltrate. let's see him actually torture Pete now I guess

Oh yeah, it's actually more interesting because Pete has previously seen Vegas torture a man in ep 7

holy shit we got: red lighting, manic Vegas and Pete them bitches were smiling too hard, the sweat all over Pete's body? my guy was going through it, actual torture - which also turned out to be real and actual CBT cock and ball torture. Isn't wild to think about how last episode, they were doing merit together in broad daylight and now Pete was laughing and screaming while get his balls electrocuted in Vegas' dungeon/torture chamber.

ooh, so Vegas is working outside of his father's orders

Ken's name was Kenny? I thought it worked the other way around that Ken's endearing nickname becomes Kenny. Anyway, did Porsche tell Kinn that Vegas had fake evidence? Idk if this evidence here is fake that Vegas' father is giving but it just seems useful info

Intense brother relationship but this time's it's Korn and Vegas' dad. Tense ass scene bro

Why would Porsche apologize to Kinn right now? Bruh idk idc Porsche did little to no wrong (except for being a dumbass who trusted Vegas but like Kinn was being a dumbass who trusted Tawan for a period of time and threw Porsche in a cell. So it makes sense the manipulator managed to make him trust him instead of the guy who lets his ex into the house to fully exploit all the knowledge).

Kinn let Tawan fool him so what's the use of saying Porsche let Vegas fool him

Does a kiss and a hug fix everything?

Okay idk why I'm so annoyed, it's not like I hate Kinn/Porsche but like I feel like their resolution right now was so unearned

Girl more bed scenes? "Are we good now?" Like no the sex doesn't make anything okay, give me some actual relationship development. Give me some angst and fallout after Kinn's distrust in Porsche and having to find their way back to each other and earn trust again.

Bro Chay's threatening to cut Porsche off if he doesn't quit? T.T Followed by fucking Kinn forgetting Pete

I am for real just skipping all scenes of them kissing and cuddling.

Okay I liked almost the entirety of the episode and I think it had to do with how little Kinn and Porsche there was actually lmfao because by the end when they were all gooey (which felt unearned) I was skipping lol I think my other episodes I really liked (5 and 7) had not that much Kinn/Porsche as well hmmm 9 had a decent amount though.

Anyway, episode 10 is probably one of my favourites too. The writing is pretty weak and I for real don't understand why any of this needed to happen (Kinn trusting Tawan, Kinn throwing Porsche in a cell, Kinn or Pete not just telling Porsche that they have evidence that Tawan and Vegas are in cahoots - also if they have evidence, why did they still act so casually with Tawan when they were tryna get info from the USB, I thought the Kinn/Porsche reconciliation didn't have the gravitas necessary, and Pete being just forgotten despite doing everything he did is sooo nonsensical) but this still leads to fun events I guess (the warehouse stuff, Vegas torturing Pete), so I'll just... overlook it.

Finally Vegas/Pete starting! I wonder how I would've reacted if I hadn't freaking seen the whole thing in clips before. It's cuz user @/rythyme mentioned canon CBT and I was like :0 so I looked at some gifsets and also didn't look away when the clips came up on tiktok lol. My greatest wish for the show is that they don't ruin VegasPete with some terrible ass writing, please! Use your brains in order to make a good story and have an interesting relationship development that makes sense!

Vegas continues to be my favourite because he's so smart at being evil. Also excited to see this side of Pete: the one who smiles and laughs in the midst of his tortured screams! I've seen some people say that it's his masochistic tendencies but I don't think he's having fun getting his genitals zapped, I think it's just him not showing weakness and trying to goad Vegas lol.

Episode 11 (July 3/4)

Nearly passed away from having to wait 24+ hours to watch this episode because of ~real life and responsibilities~ agh. can't wait to see how this unfolds

Vegas sexually assaulting Pete + laughing at his tattoo + getting slapped and lectured by his dad for disobeying orders + being told to go into hiding all within 5 minutes

Vegas unstable as hell + Pete unhinged and telling him to kill him but Vegas insisting no because Pete's fun

bruh I was like agh not random Kinn/Porsche, what if I skip only to find out Vegas freaking sent Kinn texts as Pete. Anyway, not only did Kinn forget about Pete (and wouldn't have remembered unless Vegas texted him), Porsche and Kinn are just like yep, okay, this makes sense, no need to call him. Does Porsche even know that Pete was at the minor family's lair?

fuckkk Vegas is too good at being evil T.T he realized the physical torturing is fun but doesn't quite break Pete, so instead he resorts to grandma

Okay, Kinn calls grandma but Vegas already told her to say he's home bruhhhh Kinn ask to speak to Pete duh, you cannot be this dumb

Porsche: "C'mon, don't think too much" bro no, think a little more please

Tankhun dying and squirming at the cuteness of Kinn admitting that he wants to grant Porsche permission to resign because he loves him vs Korn's reaction lol

lol the bodyguards all cutely listening in on the family + Porsche conversation. Interesting that they'll let Porsche and Chay stay in the home (does Chay not protest? also, this doesn't mean they're giving up their other home, does it?)

bro Pete's disobedience and defiance + Vegas torture is actually a Lot woah. I've only seen clips of like ep 10 torture scene + the others I'd seen are mostly when Vegas is taking care of Pete, so I wasn't expecting just how much cruelty there is

lol there was a post from after ep 10 but before ep 11 release that they hope Vegas loves his hedgehog so much and is so cute to it and lol it's true. him talking all cutely to his hedgehog before and after being cruel to Pete

lol Kim's murder board is back

Aww Porsche and Chay! Finally a decent interaction between them since literally 1st episode

Oh shit bruh, Vegas really is doing a number on Pete.

Pete so cool, being so defiant and also managing to escape the handcuffs + room even if he didn't manage to actually escape.

Anyway, they're really pushing the boundaries of "how much torture can we put in this pairing before you get off the VegasPete train and just want Vegas to actually just die"

Porsche blowdrying Kinn's hair is cute. Them + TimTay + Yok are cute too. Tay is so beautiful

We've really just been getting Vegas' dad coming in randomly for 30 seconds at a time and just abusing Vegas briefly before leaving lol they're progressing with the Vegas "sad body, daddy issues" arc

"You and Macau aren't even worthy of being my sons" aklsfj how did his stray bullet hit Macau, mans isn't even here

Sad af Vegas because of father + Pete not responding, okay I see the aspects that I was aware are gonna be starting now

lol Tankhun and Chay hanging out is a sight.

oh Chay's boutta learn bout Kimmmm

not the romantic piano music as Vegas bandages Pete's wounds that he inflicted upon him lol so fucked

not this mouth to mouth pill giving, fuck that actually got to me lol

"Why don't you just let me die?" "That's too easy. You must suffer until I'm satisfied." this is so fucked

a freaking heart-to-heart between evil captor who tortures and the tortured victim about their sucky dads. once again, got to me though

Aw Chay :( I've seen this Kim/Chay clip on tiktok before

Girl ngl it's so hard to care about Kinn and Porsche just having fun when VegasPete and KimChay are Going Through Shit (different degrees but still).

the smile I smiled at Vegas making Pete a steaming bowl of noodles because he wasn't eating + said the food didn't look fresh is embarrassing actually

Vegas eating food that Pete spit out to show it's not poisoned lol "If you hate me, you'll have energy to kill me later"

Vegas smirking at how Pete is eating all satisfied

okayyyy Korn ordered everything about the case of Porsche's parents death to be erased

Okayyyy intense episode. As I said, I knew there was VegasPete torture but I didn't realize there was much outside the CBT in ep 10 because people weren't clipping it (and I get why lol). So I thought ep 11 wouldn't have much torture but would have like the pill sharing, noodles eating etc but there was certainly cruelty. The progression from such cruelty -> Vegas becoming soft (the bandaging, the mouth-to-mouth pill giving, the noodles, the heartfelt conversation) felt a little quick but I'm willing to go with it lol Bible's such a good actor because I also transformed quickly from >:(( -> :) during his transformation and the changes in Vegas/Pete's interactions.

Also, I... don't know whether Vegas is "redeemable" and I don't even know what it means in this case. I don't really need him to be redeemable, I just need him to a compelling character and for Vegas/Pete to convince me that they need/deserve each other in order for me to be fully on board the ship lol

I knew people were like how did they forget Big so easily but like lol they really did. No mention of Big sacrificing himself or Ken being the mole, just Kinn/Porsche being cutesy; comparatively, the half-assed attempt at checking in on Pete was like the greatest show of care lol The Kinn/Porsche scenes are cute but I wish it had at least one scene of them actually working rather than just comedy + romance. Interesting contrast between their scenes vs Vegas/Pete though, it gave me whiplash

Chay cries in a way that makes you feel for him. Like his "love" is a bit silly because it's just kinda infatuation and a crush but his crying was :( From knowing these types of storylines, I'm guess Kim's being cold and an asshole because he wants to protect Chay by pushing him away but Kim's doing well playing this cold character, I'd believe he felt nothing for Chay. Curious to see where Kim's investigation leads.

Another good episode. I'm glad I've liked every episode after 8. Hope that'll continue for the last 3 episodes.

Episode 11 Rewatch (June 4)

Okay I rewatched episode 11 VegasPete parts lol

It's good just like the first watch, I enjoyed seeing how their relationship changed (how cruel and torturous Vegas was -> opening up to each other and taking care of each other - even though Vegas was only taking care of the harm he caused) and it was fast but if I think of it as happening over a longer period of time than it was, it's better lol

I think it's also an interesting dynamic because Vegas' torture and cruelty is faced with Pete's refusal to be broken. He's still defiant and doesn't cower away from Vegas and even asks how he's doing. When he does cower (like the end of the belt scene), Vegas stops because it's no fun anymore - he wants Pete to be defiant; when Pete was unconscious, Vegas was like "laugh at me!" So it all makes it more interesting to see, even if some parts are kinda hard to watch.

Episode 12 (June 4)

Time for some: hedgehog death, rimming?, Chay dyeing his hair and going out to a club because of his broken heart.

I'm glad it's like 58 mins long (with the start/end songs + previews) because I would've become the joker if it was 49 like some of the other ones are. Also, I checked and ep 13 is 1h :)

Sucks that Porsche is so excited for Chay's uni exam while Chay's going through it, unbeknownst to Porsche. Poor Chay, having to bottle it all up.

Bro Chay threw this resume in the trash and left?! Don't throw away your education or dreams because of Kim my guy!

Ahh Porsche saying Ai'Kinn in conversation with Pol and Pol repeating it back and correcting himself oi! Khun Kinn! ahhh sooo good to me. getting to defy normal honorific expectations because you are the boss' boyfriend

rolling my eyes at Porsche apparently having mic-ed Kinn's outfit? And being so jealous like "Oh, are you cheating on me?" before he even finds out anything. They really just make characters worse for comedy which is much worse than making characters evil for fun

lol Porsche able to recognize a guy he met once while his uncle was being beat up by the sound of his voice

lol dang, so Kinn did have a hand in those guys beating up Porsche's uncle leading to Porsche taking the job. Didn't think it'd actually circle around

Bro I've watched this freaking VegasPete scene on tiktok but I'm still smiling. Pete having attitude while speaking to Vegas while Vegas smiles as if he's in on the fun rather than full of cruelty + they've been using gu/meung since capture I think but hearing Pete say Vegas instead of Khun Vegas is 0.0 once again, lowering of honorifics and titles

lol they really fed it to us that the hedgehog is supposed to represent Vegas being prickly on the outside and sensitive on the inside

Kinn/Porsche confrontation and it was a fine scene. I wanna know how this will affect their relationship and trust in the near future though

How much do I trust Korn to be telling the truth? He did make himself look bad by saying he covered up the car crash for his friend and also thinks he went too far trying to help Porsche by basically forcing him to work here. However, he doesn't seem like he'd give away his hand so easily. Aside: even if it's true lol what kinda help is "become a mafia bodyguard where you'll give up your life for my family"

Anyway, we're getting the hedgehog death story now and once again I'm wishing I hadn't watched so much of this on tiktok clips but also the reason I started watching the show this early was because of the tiktok clips so oh well

You kept the hedgehog under terrible conditions dude, no wonder it's sick.

Damn, so it's literally just Vegas and Pete at this safe house?

rip Pete literally unable to run away despite trying lol His heart must be twice as big as the CN tower (did some brief research after saying this, apparently it's the 3rd tallest tower in the world, cool)

Cool shot of Vegas crying sitting on the grass and we can see Pete debate himself in the back. Wish he'd grabbed a knife from the kitchen before coming to Vegas though because Pete's still weak and hurting (or would that have been bad because Vegas would've found a way to use it on him instead)

me and victim both being like :'((((( as the evil man cries over his pet hedgehog

Pete fucking trailing after Vegas and them sitting in the damn dungeon room together again

I think it's reasonable that the hedgehog died since it's probably been like 2 decades lol. Pet hedgehogs don't live forever you know. Probably not your fault

I keep being like I'll watching without coming here to type but like fuck Vegas cries so heart-wrenchingly despite not like sobbing or wailing or anything. "Everything I love has left me. My life is pathetic, isn't it?"

Bro I saw a mention of Vegas hitting himself in this scene but it still fucking startled me, it made such a loud noise when he slapped himself

was the sex scene kinda jarring and came out of nowhere? yes but sometimes it do be like that. do I fully understand their motivations? not quite. did i freaking love it though? yes lol. the music made me freaking uneasy though. i actually have nothing else to say because I was just clutching my head and hair the whole time. Died at Pete giving Vegas the rope to tie his wrists + Vegas kissing his knuckles after doing so. Dead dead dead. Also, Pete's ankles were tied in place with the freaking chains from the ceiling, that's so alksdjfaklsdjfaks;lfak;lfdfj i feel so alksdfklasjflksjf i could chew on glass. Like... the scene wasn't super romantic or lovey dovey, it made me slightly uncomfortable because of the music and how quickly the characters jumped into it, but it had interesting dynamics and more glimpses of the characters and I enjoyed it. I also didn't have any expectations, so I wasn't disappointed

oh lol Porsche and Kinn's angst is done already, it really just lasted one scene. Bro Chay was there for like half a minute before Porsche and Chay's scene ends too and we're left with Kinn/Porsche again

sigh fr. Kinn wants to live at Porsche's house? Isn't he head mafia mans? How the hell is he gonna do his job? Not that he does it much anyway and not that he even needs his bodyguards because when was the last time they were even attacked? Ep 5?

Okay we're getting more Kinn/Porsche and friends I guess. I'll forgive it cuz it seems cute and I like Tay. Anyway, killing Time because he cheats on Tay in the book or something and here Tay seems sad being like "Not really. It's not like that." when Porsche says Time seems t love Tay.

Small mercies: The OK Cupid product placement being now and not during VegasPete's ep 11 noodle scene

wtf does "We're both out of the business" mean???? Kinn is out of the business?? What?! That can't be right, we'd have more of a discussion and uproar if he was, right?! Not a fucking throw-away line?

Well, I think it makes sense that Kinn's dad is here because wtf are they living in some fantasy land

Girl, am I supposed to just trust Korn that this man killed Porsche's parents? I know in the end Porsche doesn't kill him, which is good because what if it's wrong? Where's Kim in all this - did his investigation turn up anything?

Oof, seeing the grandchild really made Porsche stop (as it should)

Kinn/Porsche are often given such shallow material that I can forget how freaking good they are at acting. Apo really made me feel here without even saying a single word. Also, Kinn really was just gonna let Porsche kill an old man lol

Is Kinn asking Porsche to be his bodyguard again? Girl, they keep going around and around in circles, I don't know what's happening

Okay yeah I guess we really just aren't getting any more VegasPete this episode. Sad.

lol ayy Chay with the broken heart leading to hairstyle change and bad decision underage drinking at the club

Chay has always been bold but this time it's with anger at Kim rather than infatuation and a crush. Kim's weird though like he comes outta nowhere, drags Chay away, then leaves at the first sign of Chay being like get out of my business

I'm equally curious about and disgusted by eating bugs/insects

I see the uncle came back

I know it's KinnPorsche, not freaking VegasPete the series but I can't believe I didn't get to see anything from them for the second half. I know nothing about how they go in episode 13 so I'm excited for that, can't believe I knew their whole storyline thus far from ep 10-12 because of tiktok.

I think they could've started all the storyline about Porsche's parents earlier instead of wasting time with "comedy" and given more time to either establishing the mystery well or giving more time to the other couples (by which I mostly mean VegasPete but Chay's cute too).

I seriously don't understand what Kinn's position is right now. Why's he just fucking around, isn't he the main family heir?

To be honest, the plot is flimsy, the writing is not good and VegasPete are kinda rushed, I don't wanna go through everything wrong with the episode because I don't really care beyond VegasPete were cute/intriguing and I liked Chay and like 1 KinnPorsche interaction was cute. Everything else I had some sort of problem with lol

Interesting how I've seen everybody say the sex was fully consensual, fully wanted and... I guess? Pete did initiate the kiss + go forward with it and he wasn't shackled at the time but also... must we use the word consensual for it? It's not full cut-and-dry noncon maybe but there's something definitely fucked up and wrong about it and it doesn't feel consensual. Consensual isn't so surface level.

Episode 13 (June 4)

Last released episode, let's go! Also finally back to unknown territory because I managed to not spoil myself (except that Tankhun knows Pete is missing + maybe holds a funeral thinking he's dead?, Vegas' father strikes him again, the single line "I get it. Porsche had no choice but to team up with Vegas" or something to that extent which... ??, also pool scene).

Okay this makes it seem like I know everything but lol I don't think I do? Or at least I haven't actually seen any clips for these except a gifset of Tankhun crying/holding a funeral because he thinks Pete's dead. I knew and had watched way more for eps 1, 2, 11, 12

Pete's back in handcuffs? Or I guess he has just one handcuff on one wrist and maybe it was just for sexy times and not for uh captive times. also lol "Do you know how sexy you are?" in English. It's a great compliment to Bible's voice that that didn't make me cringe

I want to know what goes on in Pete's head during that scene because Vegas is joking and seems to like Pete (or is he master manipulatoring again? because of the story arc, I'd guess not) but Pete's isn't really smiling or encouraging - he seems kinda apprehensive

Clueless happy Kinn while Porsche is dealing with the knowledge that his family knew Korn

Aw, Vegas looking so well-adjusted and cute following a Youtube tutorial for cooking

Vegas' voice is always so whiny and petulant without fail every time he talks to his father

Oh yeah I forgot to mention this above but I read something about Vegas being hit by his dad and taking it out on Pete by choking him?

Holy shit, his dad's slap left a red red mark on Vegas' face

"You should have a little rest. Why don't you two go traveling?" lmfao hasn't Kinn been resting all this time, what work has he done since getting Porsche and Chay out of that place? I guess he's been attending meetings but he's literally just been spending his days with Porsche and sometimes at Porsche's house too

Dang, Pete really is just back to being contained in the dark room rip I wonder how he feels about not leaving when he had the chance back then. How did Vegas even manage to capture him again? Wouldnt that have changed their dynamic again after the sex? Would've liked to see it last episode

Aw fuck, Pete all teary-eyed and saying "I don't like it" while clutching his chest and then slapping himself saying "Then why didn't I say no"

fuuuuuck okay I think that was more fucked up than the previous torture because they literally had emotional bonding + sex, yet we're back to Vegas choking the shit out of Pete and Pete telling him to just kill him and Vegas actually pulling out a knife this time

Kinn who didn't mention Big's sacrifice + didn't gaf that Ken was the mole + didn't properly check to make sure Pete was safe after what was possibly a death sentence type mission vs Tankhun being shaken by a dream that Pete's died + calling his grandma to check + crying while calling Kinn and Porsche stupid and threatening them

fuck Pete's actually fucking broken and empty now fucking fuck

Also, the red + blue lighting on their face has been different than their previous lighting schemes thus far right?

Okay yeah interesting (perhaps excellent) choice to actually make them continue to be fucked up and not just be fixed and romantic after one emotional talk + one hedgehog mourning + one-time having sex

They're trying to make Tankhun trying to lead Pete's ghost home a funny thing but it's fucking heartwrenching after seeing Pete screaming for help in a white shirt stained with his blood

I needed Pete's return to be less comedic but I guess we're gonna get the trauma/heartfelt stuff in the bathtub now

Pete smiling and trying to seem nonchalant instead of telling who did this to him is actually breaking me

Is this Chay's room in their original house? So we're back to Square A of Chay living their by himself?

Why did Kim leave after Chay sang that song, what a dick

Vegas sitting and crying in his pajamas with all the food he's made in front of him with no Pete to share them with (a direct contrast to how happily he had made all the food to feed Pete at the start of the episode and then angrily destroyed it) is uhhhh making me die actually

fuck and that's a direct contrast to Pete eating the noodles alone and mimicking his hand being bound and also being choked kinda. this is so fucked uppppp

"Just believe what he said" bro what the fuck? Pete is literally bruised and scarred and uhhhh mentally broken too though they may not have noticed that yet. Even if you don't prod and give him privacy, you should be like somebody's tortured him and he won't tell us who. Like Porsche probably doesn't believe him but why is he telling Kinn to be chill about it

Ohh, I see why that person is talking about Porsche and Vegas teaming up. Anyway, Vegas certainly deserves more than 1 punch for Tawan and Pete each but it's a start

Okay well I guess the "you can't be bought by the main family" is true for Vegas only lol Also hmm Vegas saw a photo of Porsche's mom in his dad's office and somewhere else he can't remember. I know in the novels Kinn and Porsche are cousins or something?!

Anyway, Porsche really brought Pete to the bar at Vegas' request like truly what. Tankhun is fr the only one who cares about Pete beyond a surface level. Like okay Porsche is threatening Vegas but ?? literally what, how are you trusting fucking Vegas bro? Porsche really was like "My friend is gonna just have to deal with being faced with his kidnapper and torturer right now like 2 minutes after escaping him and having had no time or help processing what he went through :)"

killing me with the ToddBlack Not Me parallels by the way

That fact that the only comfort he's gotten (that one group comedic hug after arriving + Porsche taking care of his wounds don't count) is in the hands of Vegas, this is so fucked up

fucking fucked up scene bro

Kinn visiting Porsche's parents' grave and being introduced to them is really freaking cute and sweet actually. Porsche was so endearing here I almost forgot I wanted to kill him for practically delivering Pete to Vegas

Pool scene but I'm ace and don't really care much about KinnPorsche the couple anymore, so I skipped starting when Porsche ended up with his back to the glass wall

Dang, Porsche and Chay packed and left

Tankhun once again coming through with actually caring

We back to Porsche on the back of Vegas' motorcycle lol

Damn lol rip uncle just as you were about to say a name. We know Korn was there but who else... Vegas' dad? Like that man is the only other person relevant to this story from that time, not including Porsche's uncle who is also now dead. Although we've got that random guy Porsche almost killed last episode lol Is that the same police guy Kim went to ask questions to? If not, then I guess he's an option too.

But did Porsche have to leave with Vegas though? Not like Kinn was gonna shoot him el oh el and they could've been like I wanted information from my uncle

Oh damn the bodyguard beside Kinn is Pete. Is he back to absolute full health after multiple days of torture? Also, Kinn and Pete chasing after Vegas and Porsche

Why the hell did Kinn shoot at the uncle though? Makes no damn sense, why would he shoot at who Porsche is with? Unless it's not him and somebody else shot at him? I guess that's why Porsche and Vegas left actually like damn why Kinn kill my uncle?

Porsche calling Korn meung

Porsche's mom is Korn's nong, so Porsche and Kinn really are cousins lmfao like literally the most cousin you can be with someone, none of that second/third cousin or twice/thrice-removed

Wow, I'm actually watching the preview because I'll actually have to wait for the next episode. At least it says it's the Longest Episode, so I hope it's like 1.5-2 hours so that they actually properly wrap things up nicely (and no cliffhangers because I don't have faith in a second season). Seems like the minor family's gonna attack the major family. I also don't trust them to properly wrap up VegasPete so I'll just enjoy the fact that I'm liking them now and hope that doesn't change next episode.

Bro, I find gifs to reblog but then it's like I actually cannot say what I want to say in the tags because it's just gonna be me slandering the characters and writers whenever it's not a vegaspete scene. like the gifsets of porsche punching vegas are all 'go porsche!' but it's like umm does 1 punch do anything when you actually brought that friend who is traumatized and broken to his captor and abuser?

Porsche and Kinn's apathy towards Pete makes me angrier toward them than Vegas' treatment of Pete makes me (that one makes me more scared and nervous than angry). Pete literally went on a deadly mission for Porsche, Kinn said Pete was his most trusted bodyguard and yet they forgot about him, failed to realize he was in such deep trouble, didn't freaking do anything after they realized Pete wasn't at Grandma's, just stood to the side and rolled their eyes as Tankhun grieved Pete, didn't offer him proper medical or psychological help, had Pete eat fucking noodles by himself, then took Pete to a bar so that Vegas can get to him. Some of these were for ~comedy~ while the others were to progress the plot but they both just scream weak writing, all "we don't know how to make the plot move forward in a logical manner and we don't know how to give our characters depth and consistency"

Porsche being a selfish character or a bad friend would've been interesting actually, I love flawed characters. If Kinn was framed as not caring about any of the bodyguards at all until Porsche came along, that would've also explained his behaviour thus far (actually, maybe I should just assume this to be true and I would have if Kinn displayed more mafia heir behaviour. Like if Kim was the one who didn't give a fuck about the bodyguards, I'd believe it but here, they're not showing that Kinn doesn't care, they're just showing we the writers don't care about the dead bodyguards and can't have kinn rescuing or finding the missing one). But no, these aspects of them aren't really explored or mentioned at all, rather they're less "aspects" of the character and more just "this is how this character needs to act to move the plot forward and this doesn't need to accurate to their character and this behaviour may not continue moving forward."

Bruh I gotta stop writing these essays like yeah okay the writing and characterization for this show sucks ass. The writers will not be getting any flowers from me, though I did like VegasPete in this episode.

Episode 11 and 12's few conversations/mourning a hedgehog/having sex doesn't change their whole personality. It definitely fundamentally changes them, it has unlocked some parts of themselves, but that does not mean Vegas is now a new and changed person. He still has the same coping mechanisms and outbursts, it's not like he learned to deal with abuse in a different way. It fucking sucks that something has broken inside Pete, he's still defiant and self-reliant which is how he managed to escape and not forgive Vegas immediately + he still has the ability to smile and deflect as before. So it's not that Vegas has conquered or destroyed Pete but having been contained/treated that way + having sex with Vegas really fucked up Pete mentally.

Episode 10 and 11 torture was impersonal but this time, it felt less like torture and more like domestic violence and that's what was scarier to me. They're making Vegas so pitiful and I guess he is but I don't feel all that much sympathy towards him; I hope they give us more reasons to actually root for him beyond just 'he's pathetic uwu give him love'

Bible (especially) and Build did a really great job showcasing their emotions.

I don't actually know what I want to happen next episode. They can't make them a couple can they? Maybe if the episode is 3 hours long and 1.5 of that is VegasPete lol. I know this is a romance so they'll end up together but I wouldn't mind if they don't; if they do, I need the writing to be strong please please please. I'd guess that something monumental will happen that changes their relationship once again (like Vegas taking a bullet for Pete or something idk) and then probably an open ending with Pete just starting to forgive Vegas. This way they can get that season 2 money lol

I'll watch the 13th episode again before Saturday probably, at least the VegasPete parts. (Edit: Didn't rewatch before ep 14 lol)

How the hell would I even rate this so far? The main storyline and main couple are like a 6 (had some good parts, esp at the beginning but now I dislike the characters, don't care about their ship, the plot is picking up a little bit but it was really useless in the middle there). VegasPete are like an 8 (great acting, intriguing freaking storyline, I care a lot about Pete and I'm captivated by Vegas and find his character very intriguing - although, I don't quite pity him yet even though they want me to so badly). KimChay is whatever - I don't really care about them at all. The acting is great, the show looks good, I've been reading fics like nobody's business (KinnPorsche before I started watching and at the start, now almost exclusively VegasPete lol I'm making my way through their completed fics from oldest to newest).

Maybe a 6.5? 7? We'll see how the finale pans out I guess.

Episode 14 Blogging

#kinnporsche #vegaspete #ep by ep commentary

[genesisz]

ive been thinking about religion a lot lately, whether i believe or not, what do i believe in? do i have to believe? do i want to believe? something my brother said to me when i was young was “you need to believe in something” back then i kinda thought that meant in any religion, just pick one, but later on i kinda figured that meant just not to follow what your parents or other people tell you, but that you truly believe it or feel something? im kinda confused abt how people go to church and listen to someone talk and pray, do they feel something? and maybe they dont but it at least works for them. it does not work for me, i dont feel anything, i kinda just listen and pick apart what they are saying and end up mad bc i disagree so i never even get to listen to the entire thing. i also cant take them seriously singing up there, sometimes they go hard fr, i be jammin but other times im like? do they really gotta do all that? but also that must work for them and thats great… just not for me. waking up to do that? no thank u. it just genuinely does not interest me, i dont care for it all. its not for me. its not something i want to do, spend my time on, i dont see the point. i truly dont see the point. out of so many religions, i dont want to continue to learn about christianity/catholicism, i just think theres so much more therefore why stick to one thing? not to say thats necessarily what you are doing when u partake in ur religion but if i were to invest my time into something i rather it be something new, not what i grew up with and not what surrounds me now. do i want to invest my time on a new religion? no, not a priority for me atm, i kinda dont even get it. are we…using this for guidance? following/educating/believing certain sentences to guide your life? i can definitely understand that part and get it, but the parts about God and the idea of worshiping essentially a man seems a bit crazyyyy…. i just cant do it man, which ofc not everyone is taking it that seriously….i think… idk… ive only been around people who r pretending to be serious about and people who are 100% about it, so yea ppl im surrounded by have influenced why idc, but ive tried giving it a shot, i just dont really feel like lying or being hypocritical anymore. i believe theres definitely more out there, and the possibility of Gods, for sure ( i prefer virgin mary if ima believe in anything its gonna be a woman! ) but also like im not gonna take it too seriously…. like… its not that serious… also when i say that like i fw w her but its not like im praying to her, i have and pray for others in the sense that i wish for such and such but like never for myself. i think thats still selfish maybe, but im jst not really saying Dios or someone just in a general sense, which works? why not? omg dont get me started on repenting, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN? i think we all hope bad people get whats coming to them but also mistakes are mistakes, youll be fineee you can have self awareness and apologize, living and learning is basically what youre doing but i rather do it w/o the extra stuff, AGAIN if it works for others thats great, i dont think its taken that seriously anymore unless ur a hardcore old person but again growing up and seeing it or being surrounded by it is just like ughhh whateverrrrr ill probably ask around to people my age to see the point of view but idk i think the guidance part is nice but maybe like reading it? not so much living it and going by it, bc well…. ima live my life and ima rot if i wanna rot, i just dont wanna take it so seriously, i feel like if you arent kinda serious abt it then whats the point? other than pleasing others or a lil hobby. i need someone to ask me questions to see figure out what i believe in bc i think i know i feel like i have some answers but also maybe i dont

idk tbh i lost my point tbh, but i believe in myself, one thing ima do is think it through and act or dont act ☝️

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you moody lefty eyebag. 😌 I hate when it's like that, I get so down and start crying, then next thing I know, I have it. Then everything makes sense as to why I was being sad hahaha

Sounds like you were busy today! Wait, so you got hit in the nose today?? Also, what did you make for dinner?

Yeeeeah I am that kind of stubborn person. But! I also just don't like going to the doctors, I hate wasting my time if it's nothing serious.

I think I am more of a sweet person haha. If I go out to eat, the place has to have good dessert. Either I get cake or pie or ice cream. If you visit my house, my freezer is half filled with Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and great value ice cream lol

Nah I think we were 2 shots in. It would have been bad if I threw the shot glass.

Hahahaha that's pretty good! Yeah I know a lot of corny ones and if I ever have a chance, I do puns too. I'm horrible, I love dad jokes.

Hm I don't remember what color the box is for samoas but it's the chocolate with coconut. Like orange on top with chocolate drizzle. Speaking of cookies, I like both. I love it when I make it and it's fresh out of the oven, it's also soft. But then, I love chips ahoy, as long as I have milk to go along with it 😄 and definitely for brownies, I like the middle the most. Weird thing though is that I can't just eat brownies by itself. I always have to have vanilla ice cream with it. How about you, what are your preferences for cookies and brownies?

Also whats your favorite Pringles flavor? I like snacking on sour cream n onion chips or BBQ chips. Oh and cheetos puffs.

I think I wanna learn magic. Being a vampire will get too boring if I live too long.

Would you rather dance the macarena for a whole day or listen to baby shark the whole day?

-CuriousGeorge

haha yeah, when I'm moody like that, I could cry for no reason and I could be very angry even at small stuff. I would say bunch of snarky comment or sarcasms. lol. That's why I always warn others if it's close to that time so they'll know that I dont mean it. hahaha. n then I turn to a nice person again when I'm done with the cycle. lol.

oh no, I didnt get hit on the nose today, thank god. lol. It happened years ago. I think I was at south lake tahoe at that time in spring season, so it was nice out n we played catch but then i got hit and the fun time turned bloody. good thing it hit my nose, i was worried I lost a teeth or two. lol

I made the same dinner, club sandwich from turkey and ham leftover. but today is the last day. I have a 3 days rule in my fridge food storage. unless it's bbq, i read that bbq meat can stay good 5 or even 7 days in the fridge.

yeah i agree with u, going to doctors can be really expensive here.

ah i see,, I'm not really like that, i sometimes check what desert they have but if it doesnt have anything chocolate, i dont really bother to have some, unless if the people who eat with me wants some and wants to share, then I'm down to have desert.

ohhh i looove ben and jerry's ice cream! what's ur favorite? mine is new york super fudge chunks. You should try it! It's so good! it has fudge, brownies, almonds, pecan, choclate bits n white chocolate bits. when i eat that, I always have extra bowl so i can scoop out the pecan and the white chocolate bits out. lol. because i dont like them. aaaand this habit is in my Lost in Assistance series. Y/n has the same habit and Lizzie notice that then when she gets y/n that ice cream, she brought extra bowl for y/n to scoop them out. lol. What's ur fav ice cream flavor?

haha if i were the bartender n u do that to the shot glass, I would hate u. lol.

oh no, u r not horrible, I looove dad jokes. Sometimes they are so funny.haha. u have dad jokes to share with me?

aah yeah, i remember that samoas cookies.

ah okay, thats funny. I never really drink regular white milk. i dont really like it, I like chocolate milk. so i never eat cookies with milk until i tried not too long ago n i was like "fuck, thats actually good. I have been missing it this whole years of my life?" lol. im dumb someitmes. lol.

I like soft cookies n i dont like the crispy ones. i think i like the middle soft part and I dont like to eat it with vanilla ice cream. not a fan of vanilla ice cream. :D i know i'm weird.lol.

fun fact, I have my weird way to eat ice cream. i like to have it in a small ball or cup n i will try to stir the ice cream until it's kinda melted n start eating it or until it's quite melting and just slurp it / drink it. and if i have it on a cone or popsickle, I bite the ice cream. I put this in my lost in assistance's Y/n's way of eating ice cream. I remember some people in wattpad comment in the part she bites the ice cream "bite the ice cream? who bites ice cream? only psychopath." lol.

i like the original pringles or the bbq or the scorchin hot bbq. for ruffles, i like original and also the sour cream one. ooh i remember, lays used to have the ginger wasabi flavor, i looooove that so much. hahaha. it sucks they dont have it anymore.

i dont mind live forever if i can live it with the people i love.haha.

oooh thats easy, i pick macarena. baby shark songs drive me NUTS!. even before I have my daughter. I vowed I will never play it to my kids and told my husband "after emily is born, DO NOT ever, I repeat, DO NOT ever play baby shark for her. I dont care how u do it, u have to avoid introducing her to that shitty kids song." n i said it in serious face. i hate repetitive sounds. lol. n baby shark is repetitive n overplayed. but then I found a different version of baby shark song and it is sooooooo much better, n I let her listen to it sometimes. then he was like wtf? i thought we wont play it ever? hahahahah. n i told him this one is different n more enjoyable.

If u wanna know which one, u can google baby shark super simple songs and u'll see what I meant. hahaha. n now em like to play chase with that song n pretend she is the shark or I am the shark. sometimes she dances to it. the original song the sound and the voice is annoying and it makes me feel like everything spinning but the room gets tighter n tighter n smaller. I dont know why. I told u that im weird. lol

what about u? which one u pick?

Cheerio!

#chellez answers #ask answered #anon answered #curious george anon

[cjsinkythoughts]

The Conversation

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 7661 (Don’t come at me - you guys asked for it)

Warnings: !FATWS Spoilers!, Cursing, Fluff, Feelings, I Dunno What Else, This One’s Pretty Chill, Except The Ending, But You’ll See When You Get There

A/N: Here it is! I was hesitant about posting it because that means we’re getting closer to the end and I’m such a nostalgic bitch! I’m definitely gonna cry next week when the last episode comes out! Anyways, I’ve got a few things to talk about:

I think this is one of the most important chapters I’ve written and I’m excited to see your reactions to it. It is longer, but you guys asked for that, so you got it! Also, I’m loving the Asks, Comments, and Reblogs. I try to respond to all of them. I have work in a little bit, so I won’t be able to until after, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Ask me anything; about my series, the show, any of the movies, personal stuff, I really don’t care. If you’re not comfortable, that’s totally fine! Every like means so much to me!

I know it’s not the end yet - we’ve got one more episode and a list of One Shots to get through - but there’s a definite feeling of this series coming to an end, and I just want to thank you all for the support and love you’ve been giving it! I’ve really enjoyed writing these characters and this story! It’s very, very special to me and I’m glad I’ve been able to share it with you lovely people!

On that note, be kind to yourselves and others! Thank you again for reading! Excuse any mistakes - this isn’t beta’d! Enjoy and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT! (Sorry for the gifs I just love them so much and he’s so pretty and this part is technically two parts so...you get four!)

“Louisiana.” Bucky hummed, looking around the airport.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re not gonna find anything interesting about Louisiana in here, doofus. Let’s call an Uber.”

“An Ooper? What the hell is an Ooper?”

You giggled, shaking your head and grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the luggage carousel. “Uber. It’s like…a taxi service. But there’s an app on your phone to get a driver instead of waiting for one on the street.”

“Oh.” He blinked, tilting his head. “That’s…helpful.”

You laughed again, stopping in front of Carousel 3, where your flight from New York was assigned. You went back to New York to grab a bag with clean clothes and other necessities, along with taking a real shower for once. It was nice to be back in the States, as much as you loved traveling. It’d been a crazy few weeks and you were ready to just relax.

“Do you think there were any problems with Sammy’s present?”

Bucky shook his head. “Nah. Especially considering they know who we are.”

You snickered at his slight grumble. They had had…problems at the other two airports - first the one in Sokovia then JFK in New York - considering Bucky’s entire arm was metal. It’d taken a full hour before they actually let you go, and by that time they had to give you a new plane because yours had left.

“Seriously. Who else has a fucking metal arm and has 1917 listed as their birth year on their Driver’s License?” You giggled again. That was also true. They thought he was messing with them. It wasn’t until you stepped in a few minutes after they asked Bucky to step to the side, seeing Bucky get frustrated, that they realized Bucky wasn’t pulling their legs.

“Well, we’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

He nodded in agreement, watching for your bags, his hand finding yours when he realized how many people there were. “Do you know where he lives? I didn’t even think about it.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. He invited me over once. I declined, but I saved the address.”

“He…invited you over?” Bucky frowned.

You gave him a look. “I’m sure he invited you, too. You just never checked his texts.”

He licked his lips, tilting his head. “Yeah, no, I know, but I mean…why didn’t you go? Weren’t you two just talking about how you wanted to meet his nephews the other day?”

“Yeah, but I had gotten a tip on Wanda at the time and I didn’t want to miss the chance that she was there. He told me it was fine. I still felt really bad. I could tell he was a bit disappointed. I think it was one of the boys’ birthdays. Or something. I don’t remember. Is that bad? Yeah, probably. I really should remember. Maybe I should keep track of birthdays on my calendar or something.”

“Doll.” You looked up to find him giving you a magnificent smile, teeth and all. “You’re rambling.”

“Oh. Am I? Sorry. I didn’t realize.”

He shook his head quickly, squeezing your hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s cute. I’m just not used to you talking so much. You kinda did on the phone sometimes.”

You shrugged, pushing down the heat crawling up your neck at his words. “I rambled a lot to Steve.”

“Oh.”

His face fell, making you scrunch your eyebrows up in confusion, nudging him slightly to grin at him. “It’s nice to have someone to ramble to again, though.” There was that smile again. You were stopped from saying anything more when you noticed some kids pointing and chattering excitedly at a gleaming silver box coming around the corner on the conveyor belt. “There it is.”

He looked over his shoulder, dropping your hand and stepping over to grab it, lifting it effortlessly. You didn’t know what was in it or how heavy it was, but you were sure it felt like a feather to him.

“Alright. Got our bag, sweetheart?” You lifted up the duffle in answer and he jerked his head towards the doors. “Let’s get outta here, then. Call that Booper or whatever.”

“U-B-E-R! Ub-er!” You threw your hands up, following him as he started walking towards the exit. “What’s so hard about it?!”

He just gave you a little smirk over his shoulder.

***************

Bucky kept asking the Uber driver questions about his job. The guy was super nice and patient the whole time, a thick southern accent lacing his answers. Southern hospitality was no joke and apparently had no limit as Bucky asked about his experiences, listening intently and telling him his own stories of taxi drivers in NYC.

When you got to Sam’s sister’s house, Bucky, being Bucky, tipped the driver half of what you paid for the ride, thanking him for his time and energy, before getting out.

“You’re so adorable, you know that?” You teased him as you stepped up the porch stairs and knocked on the door.

He rolled his eyes, a tint of pink dusting across his cheeks. “He was nice.”

You hummed at his defense, the smile never leaving your features. After a moment, Bucky raised his fist to knock again. “Jesus Christ! Don’t fucking knock their door down!” You grabbed his wrist and lowered it.

“Sorry. I forget sometimes.” Bucky informed you absentmindedly,  tilting his head to peek in the window. “I don’t think anyone’s home.”

“They’re probably at the docks, then.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “The docks?”

You nodded, gesturing for him to follow you. “Yeah. They have a boat, remember? He talked about it last week.”

“Oh right. The one he’s trying to convince his sister not to sell.”

“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I’m pretty sure it’s that way. I don’t know how far, but we can call the Uber back-”

Bucky scrunched up his face and shook his head. “Nah. I don’t wanna bother him again. We can walk.”

You gave him an incredulous look. “It’s literally his job to drive people around.”

“Well, yeah, but what if he’s got other people to drive?”

You lifted his metal knuckles to your lips. “Trust me, Buck, I’m sure he’d rather drive you than anyone else.”

“Thank you?”

Swinging your now linked hands, you gave a firm nod, letting him know it was, in fact, a compliment. “You are so very welcome.”

The walk was a lot longer than you thought it was, and you ended up on Bucky’s back after he kept complaining about how you “shouldn’t be walking this long” and you were “injured” and you “needed rest’”. You’re not sure how a shoulder wound affected your ability to walk, but you relented and let him carry you the rest of the way to stop his whining.

“You forget, you did pull your thigh.”

“That was, like, three weeks ago! Yeesh!”

You finally got to the docks, which were bustling with people. Bucky set you down and raised an eyebrow which you shrugged in reply to, before heading over to where you spotted Sam with a few other older men.

“How do we get it off the truck?” You heard Sam ask, pointing to a large boat engine part in the bed of a beaten up truck. Scoffing as Bucky lifted it up without breaking a sweat, you leaned against the truck. Bucky grunted and set it down, looking at Sam.

“You’re welcome.” What a punk. “Just dropping this off.” Bucky lifted the case and set it where the engine was previously, Sam coming to stand on the opposite side of the truck as you. “You can sign for it and I’ll go.” You snorted, shaking your head, making Bucky shove your shoulder - the uninjured one - playfully. “I called in a favor from the Wakandans.”

Sam looked at you curiously. You shrugged and shook your head. “Don’t look at me, Sammy. He wouldn’t tell me what it is. He’s all hushy hushy about it until you say so.”

Before Sam could reply, there was a squeak and hissing over at the boat where steam was coming from a few pipes.

“Sam!” You knew that was Sarah from pictures Sam showed you. You stayed up by the truck, pulling yourself onto the bed while Sam tried fixing the pipe, Bucky butting in to show him how to do it properly.

“Why didn’t you use the metal arm?”

You saw Bucky lift up said metallic limb. “Well…I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m-I’m right handed.” Letting out a laugh, Bucky turned around and scowled teasingly at you. “And what’re you laughing at?!”

“Nothing!”

“Well then get your ass over here!”

You rolled your eyes, hopping down from the truck as Bucky asked if Sam wanted help with the boat. You leaned against a wooden post, grinning when Sam looked at you.

“I don’t have any plans.”

Sam gave a small smile, jerking his head back. “Yeah.”

You jumped down onto the boat to follow him, looking over your shoulder and stopping with an amused eyebrow raised as Bucky introduced himself to Sarah. “I’m Bucky.”

“Ah…Sarah.”

“Sarah.” Bucky repeated her name, before walking towards you, a grin still on his lips.

“Careful, Barnes. That playboy Steve warned me about is coming out.” You nudged him with a smirk, ignoring the feeling of your stomach dropping.

He rolled his eyes, kissing your head as he passed you and Sam to go where Sam was gesturing. “Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re still my doll.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, falling into step besides you and lowering his voice. “Conversation?”

“Hasn’t happened.” You informed him through clenched teeth as he groaned.

Sam gave you a list of chores that needed to be done to clean up the boat, giving you a quick tour and letting you know where all the tools needed where. You set to work immediately.

Sanding down, replacing old parts, cleaning, polishing and painting over the things that didn’t need replacing. They didn’t let you do any heavy lifting because of your stupid shoulder, but you were still able to help.

Sam had turned on some music for you to listen to, so you danced around the boat while cleaning. Turning your head when you felt a pair of eyes on you, you smiled when Bucky snapped his head back down to the wood he was sanding down.

“Gonna dance, Barnes?”

He looked back over, shaking his head. “Nah. I’m good watching you.”

Rolling your eyes, you got back to work, continuing to bop to the music, fully aware that he was watching you now.

A little while later, you were repainting the edges of the boat orange, when you looked over and noticed Bucky playing around with a paint scraper…sitting right on the edge that you had just finished repainting a few minutes ago.

“Buck!”

He looked over, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back your mischievous grin. Shaking your head, you waved dismissively. “Never mind!”

He gave you a confused sort of pout, before shrugging and continuing to fidget with the tool. It wasn’t until later when he got up to help Sam tear the metal plating off the edge that it came to light with Sam chuckling and raising an eyebrow.

“Sit in something there, Barnes?”

“What?”

Bucky craned his neck back, eyes widening when he saw the orange paint on his ass, contrasting with his jeans. You let out a cackle and he whipped towards you, pointing at you accusingly, although the small uptick of his lips let you know he wasn’t really mad.

“Y/N!”

“No, no, no!” You laughed, sprinting across the deck, shrieking when he grabbed your waist and spun you around. You gasped when he grabbed a paint brush and painted an orange stripe right down the front of your shirt. “James!”

“Justice, sweetheart.” He breathed in your ear with a chuckle.

You shook your head, wiggling out of his hold. “This is a nice shirt!”

“You should’ve thought about that before.” He smirked, crossing his arms. Your eyes caught sight of Sam behind him, who raised an eyebrow and the bucket of paint he was holding. You nodded with a little giggle, making Bucky’s eyes narrow. “What’s so funny over there, do - holy shit!

You guffawed as orange paint dripped down his head, Sam standing innocently behind him with the now empty bucket behind his back. “Samuel!”

“Oops?”

“I’m gonna kill you!”

“Try me old man!”

“Fuck!

“Doll!”

“Oh my God!”

Paint, orange and white since those were the only cans they had out, flew across the deck, paint brushes being used like fencing swords.

You found out too late that wet paint was a little bit slippery and you slid on a huge puddle, sending you, not onto the ground below, but over the side of the edge into the water. 

“Doll!”

“Cher, you good?!” 

The three of you looked at each other, stunned for a moment, before bursting into fits of laughter and you nodded. “I’m good!”

The boys helped you get back up onto the dock, Sarah appearing with towels she conjured up out of thin air. “Let’s get you into dry clothes. Do you have-?”

“We’ve got some. We got a bag.” You told her with a grin, facing the guys. “You two should clean up some, too. Sammy, you’ve got a little something right there.” You pointed to your cheek, his own having a giant white splotch from his temple to his jaw. “And Buck?” You sniggered, gesturing to the whole of him. “You’ve got a lotta something right there.” 

“Ha. Ha.” He looked down. His top was practically tiger print, drenched in orange with white here and there, and his ass still orange as well. His hair, which had been plastered to his forehead, was starting to dry now, and it only made you laugh some more thinking about what a pain it’d be to get it out. For him, at least.

“God. Can’t even have a relaxing day on the boat with you two.” Sam jested once you finished up and joined him and Bucky, who had just finished dumping out some water buckets. Bucky had changed his shirt and it looked like they tried wiping their faces, but Sam still had small lines of white down his face. “How ‘bout a couple of drinks? Surely you can’t ruin that too.”

“Ruin?” You gasped in mock offence. “Sammy! I just made the day more…interesting.”

Sam chuckled, ruffling Bucky’s hair, which still had orange streaks in it. “Let’s go get some beers.”

************

You chatted for a bit, mainly you and Sam with you asking how Sarah and the boys were while Bucky with your legs in his lap, just listening to you two and sipping at his bottle. You had his hand in your own lap, wiping it down with a rag due to the paint that got on it.

“You’re lucky this is vibranium, you know.” You commented off handedly. “If it was your other one, it’d definitely get stained.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Bucky shot back with a teasing grin.

“Sammy’s.”

Sam spluttered. “Wh-what?! You started it!” You laughed, shaking your head.

Falling into a comfortable silence with just the water and birds chirping as your soundtrack, you downed the rest of your drink, which Bucky took as finished. “Well,” you moved your legs to let him stand up. He leaned forwards to clink his bottle against Sam’s and you stood up and stretched. “Gotta catch our flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room for the night.” Sam gave you a look to which you rolled your eyes at as Bucky set down his bottle and grabbed his jacket. “Crash, you know?”

“So you’re just gonna set me up like that, huh?”

“Well I don’t wanna make it weird for your family.”

“Just stay here.” You laughed as Sam babbled on about how nice the people were here, grabbing the jacket Bucky handed to you. It was getting a bit chilly from the breeze on the water and the sun going down. Plus, that water was cold.

“But don’t flirt with my sister.”

You cackled at Bucky’s face, that turned serious, his head shaking. “No.”

“‘Cause if you do I’ll have Carlos cut you up and feed you to the fish.”

“Can’t hold back the dog, Wilson. It’s been stuck in a kennel too long.”

Bucky turned to you, grabbing your jaw and squishing your cheeks together. “You know what? You need to shush. You’ve been snippy all day.”

You just smiled as innocently as you could with your lips being held by his metal fingers. “You’re too fun to mess with.”

He pecked your nose. “As long as I’m the only one you’re messing with. I’ll be right back.” He let you go and spun around, maneuvering around the boat in a way only a trained assassin could do.

“Oh my God, please! Please just put me out of my fucking misery! You’re killing me, cher.”

“What?” You gaped at him.

“Don’t act innocent!” Sam huffed, giving you a pointed look. “If I have to watch you two make googly eyes at you one more fucking day with neither of you doing anything about it-”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh come on, Sammy-”

“Don’t ‘come on, Sammy’ me! And don’t come at me with that ‘he doesn’t like me back’ bullshit. If you think for a second that boy wouldn’t follow you to the depths of the fucking ocean, you’re blind as a bat, woman.”

You shrugged, pushing up the sleeves of Bucky’s too big jacket. “It just…hasn’t come up.”

He deadpanned, shaking his head and standing up. “That’s it. I’m done. You two are driving me insane. I’m gonna lock you in a room until you have the conversation that needs to be had the next time either of you does something stupid.”

“Yikes. That’s gonna be quick.” At his look, your smile dropped and you nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll…I’ll bring it up later.”

“Tomorrow or nothing.”

“Sam-”

Sam tilted his head, brow creasing. “Is it still Steve? Is that what this is still about? Because he’s gone, and he’s been gone and you need to get over it-”

“No. It’s not…” You sighed. “It clicked the other day. When we were hanging out. Steve left and, yeah, I might always love him, but Bucky…God…I love Bucky, Sam.”

The man grinned proudly. “I’m glad to finally hear you admit it. So what’s the problem?”

“It’s still complicated, right? I mean…he’s his best friend and I’ve never dealt with stuff like this before and-”

Sam’s smile dropped and he groaned again. “Imma head out. I can’t take this. Dumbass and dumberass. I swear to God.” You sniggered a bit as he grumbled, walking towards the ramp to climb off the boat, just as Bucky reappeared.

“Hey-”

“Nope! Not right now, Barnes! I can’t handle it! I can’t!”

Bucky gave you a weird look. “What’d you do?”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Nothing.”

“Well, c’mon, doll. Sarah said she’s gonna make gumbo for us, whatever that is.” He held out his hand as you walked over. 

“You’re such a city boy.” You teased lightly, taking his hand and letting him help you pull you onto the dock. You shoved the sleeves of his jackets up again since they slipped from the first time. “Let’s go get some dinner. I’m starving.”

******************

“We have the couch and a mattress we can pull out, I just have to make Sam get it from the attic-”

“That’s alright. The couch is fine.” Bucky waved dismissively while you nodded in agreement.

Sarah raised an eyebrow at you two. “For both of you?”

You blinked, exchanging a look with Bucky, before shrugging and turning back to her. “Yeah.”

“Don’t fight it, Sarah.” Sam peeked out from the hall. “They’ve got a weird relationship.” You stuck your tongue out at the man while Bucky rolled his eyes, dropping your duffle bag by the couch. “How mature, Y/N.” Sam mimicked your action.

“Uhm…okay. Let me set up the couch for you then.”

Once everything was set up, you and Bucky thanking her for dinner - delicious and you’d never seen Bucky smile so much, the boys having kept him highly entertained throughout the meal - and for letting you crash, Sam and Sarah headed to their rooms, the boys already having been tucked in for the night.

“Are you gonna sleep on the floor?” You asked quietly, sitting down on the couch and doing the things for your night routine you didn’t already do in the bathroom.

“I think I’ll be okay.” He sat besides you. “I’ve been doing fine the past week or so.”

You smiled at him. “That’s good. Alright.” You stood up and stretched. “Let me just make sure everything’s in the bag and ready-”

You yelped when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest, shifting down to lay against the couch’s arm. “Do it in the morning.” He yawned, looking up at you tiredly. “I wanna go to sleep.”

“Then go to sleep, Buck. I’ll be right back.” He shook his head, his hold tightening as he sunk deeper into the couch.

“No. I fall asleep better with you.”

You rolled your eyes but grinned, settling down with your legs between his, your chin resting on his sternum so you could still look at him. He beamed, but you could see the exhaustion settling in, and he grabbed the blanket Sarah left over the back of the couch and draped it across your back, over both of your legs, before his arms crossed snugly under the covers at the small of your back.

“Dinner was nice tonight. I haven’t had a meal cooked like that in ages.” You hummed.

He nodded in agreement. “I think that’s the first time I’ve sat around a table with a family since the 40′s.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah...kinda makes me wish I had my own.”

“Your own what?”

“Family.”

You bit your lip, shyly avoiding his gaze. “You’re my family, Buck.”

A light kiss was pressed to your forehead, his fingers bringing your gaze back to his. “There’s no one else I’d rather have.” The room lapsed into silence again, the clock ticking on the wall, the low sound of crickets outside.

“You have really pretty eyes.” You mumbled, tilting your head slightly as you studied them. They always held so much emotion in them, especially in contrast to when you first met him as Soldat. They matched the water you fell in, and you wouldn’t mind falling over and over into them.

“Yeah, well, you’re just really pretty inside and out, so I think you’ve got me beat, doll.” He whispered back.

“You know who else is pretty? Sarah.”

He nodded with a hum. “That’s true. But I meant what I said. You’ll always be my doll.”

“So you’re not gonna ask her out?”

He gave you a weird look as you traced his sharp jawline absentmindedly. “Nah, sweetheart. It’s just…some harmless flirting. Except on Sam’s part.”

You gave a soft huff of laughter. “Yeah…he’s gonna strangle you. It is nice to see you like that, though. Flirty. Relaxed. Happy.”

“You make me happy, sweetheart.” He hummed, nosing your temple. “The road trip helped. I’m learning everything from you. Maybe not the flirting, but the carefree part.”

You blinked at him, finger stopping for a moment as you thought. “Oh…”

You felt his fingers dance up your spine, making you shiver slightly. “What I would give to know what’s goin’ on inside that pretty lil’ head’a yours, doll.”

“I just think it’s funny you’re learning how to be carefree from me…when I just started learning how to do it myself.”

“Oh yeah?”

You nodded, your finger continuing its path down his jaw. “I think it started with the goats.”

“The goats?”

You nodded again, resting your cheek on his chest, watching your finger move up from his chin. Once you got to the end of his jaw, you lightly scratched his scruff. “In Wakanda. Our goats.” You weren’t looking at him, so you didn’t see the way he physically melted at your words, his eyes going soft, his lips turning up slightly.

“Our goats, huh?”

But your tired brain wasn’t really processing what he said, instead focusing on the features your finger was now tracing - over his lips, up his nose. “You’re pretty too, Buck. Did you know that? Inside and out.”

He craned his neck to kiss your forehead. “Go to sleep, cuddle bug.”

Nodding, you nuzzled into his chest, finger feeling over the bumps and indents on the dog tags resting near your head. You tried going to sleep, but you kept shifting, your mind not shutting off.

“Hey, sleepyhead, I’m trying to, you know, sleep.”

“Sorry.” You apologized meekly. “I just…I dunno. I can’t.”

“Are you comfortable?” He peeked open and eye to look at you questioningly. You nodded. “Is it too hot? We can take the blanket off. I know I’m a walking furnace-”

You shook your head. “No. I don’t know why. I just can’t sleep.”

He licked his lips thoughtfully, before cradling your head and guiding you back down to his chest. “Lay down, sweetheart. Relax.” He stroked your hair, moving his head down to rub circles in your back muscles, pressing down harder when he felt knots. 

You hummed, your eyes closing. “That feels good.”

“Shshsh. Just go to sleep.” His lips pressed against your head once more, lingering a bit longer than they usually do, as you felt yourself drift off. You cuddled his side, throwing a leg over his waist, before nodding off, only barely hearing his words. “Attagirl. There we are.”

******************

“Doll?” You felt a shift underneath you and groaned, your eyes barely cracking open. “Hey, sleepyhead…it’s okay. I’m just gonna slip out from under ya, alright? Gonna go help Sammy with somethin’.”

You raised an eyebrow, letting him move you against the cushions as he sat up on the edge of the couch. “Sammy?”

“Yeah.” He bent over and kissed your cheek. You stretched out your limbs, about to rub your eyes, when he stopped you, kissing the inside of your wrists. “No. Not you, doll. Go back to sleep.” 

“Bu’...’m gonna help.” You slurred out, looking at him with confused, squinty eyes.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Rest. You can help when you wake up again. Okay?” You mumbled out an “okay”, bringing the covers up to your chin and snuggling deeper into the cushions. “There ya go, cuddle bug. Good girl.” There was another kiss, one to your temple this time, before you slipped back into unconsciousness.

******************

The next time you woke up was because of a clatter in the kitchen. You yawned and sat up, stretching, eyebrows furrowing when you realized Bucky wasn’t with you. It took you a moment to remember your conversation, which you half thought you dreamt.

“Boys!”

“Sorry!”

You chuckled at the shouts, rubbing your eyes. “I am so sorry!” Sarah apologized, looking over at you from the stove. Trying to make the boys breakfast before school. Do you want anything? Eggs? Cereal? Toast?”

“Uh, cereal’s fine.” You stretched out your back again, before throwing back the covers and standing up, a little shakily.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where Sam went, would you?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Uh, I think him and Bucky went to fix something on the boat. I don’t for sure, though.”

Sarah groaned. “He probably went to fix the stupid water pump which doens’t need fixing. Dumbass.”

You chuckled, padding over into the kitchen. “Yeah. I just work with him. I can’t imagine growing up with him.”

“Trust me; some days you want to throw him in a box and send him out to sea. Bowls are in that cupboard.”

You snickered, moving over to grab a bowl from the cupboard she pointed to. “That’s how I feel with Bucky. Sam is less often, but when those two get together…it’s a full zoo.”

She laughed at that, nodding as she got out the milk and a few boxes of cereal for you to choose from, handing you a spoon. “That I believe.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

You started pouring your cereal, watching in slight amusement as she got the boys ready for school. “Bus is here! Get out the door! Bye! Love you! Make sure you take those extra lunches to-!”

“Yeah, mom! We know! Love you too!”

You gave a slight smirk as she huffed, looking around the kitchen at the pans and dishes left out. “Kids, huh?”

She gave you a smile. “Yeah. They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. How about you? Any thoughts of kids?”

“Me?” Your eyes widened, nearly choking on your food. “Oh God no. Not right now, at least. I don’t even have a solid house right now. My life’s too off the walls for that.”

“And Bucky?”

You raised an eyebrow as she leaned on the counter. “Bucky? What about Bucky?”

“Does he want kids?”

“Uh…I dunno.” You shrugged, clearing your throat as you remembered your talk last night. “Kinda makes me wish I had my own.” You quickly pushed his words aside. “He hasn’t told me.”

“Wait, wait. You two…aren’t together then?”

You blinked, your eyes widening again. “Together? Me and Bucky? No…why? Did Sam say something?”

Her expression morphed into one of disbelief, crossing her arms. “Sam didn’t say anything. You guys did. Are you seriously expecting me to believe you aren’t together?”

“We’re not! I mean - he was flirting with you yesterday-”

“Right, okay. Honey, that’s flirting. And it’s harmless. The way he follows you like a puppy and you look at him like he hung the stars? That’s feelings. And that’s a lot more impactful than flirting.”

You frowned in contemplation. It was really that obvious? You were really that blind? This whole time? You knew Sam knew - but you just figured that’s because he’s been there since it started. And Sharon knew for the same reason. But Sarah? The woman you just met the day prior and had barely had a conversation with?

“It’s, uh…” You chewed on your cheek, swirling your cereal around. “It’s complicated.”

Sarah didn’t look impressed. “Do you like him?”

“I’m kinda in love with him-”

She shrugged, not letting you finish your bashful statement. “Then I don’t see what’s complicated about it.”

And that was that. She turned to clean up breakfast, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You thought it was more complicated than that. I mean…you were in love with your best friend. Who left you. With the guy you had feelings for who just so happened to be your best friend/crush’s best friend. And now you were completely in love with your best friend’s best friend, but your best friend still had a piece of your heart.

But…you loved Bucky. And he was here. And Steve was not. And when you put it that way…you guess it wasn’t so complicated after all.

******************

You snickered as you walked up behind Sarah, the woman berating the men for not leaving the water pump along like she asked.

“Hi, Sarah.”

Sam shot Bucky a warning look, who grinned, but you were surprised to see Sarah ignore him, sending you a knowing glance instead, before turning back to Sam. “I told you specifically that the water pump was not the problem, and yet, here you are.”

“Yep, Samuel.”

You chuckled, Bucky shooting you a wink. “Yeah, Samuel.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at you, turning to Sarah. “In our defense, you were supposed to be done long before you woke up.”

You nearly facepalmed at his “defensive” and you were trying so hard to hold back laughing as she told Sam off, sending them away.

“I don’t wanna hear a peep from you.” Sam pointed at you, but that only made your chortles come out, and you didn’t even bother hiding them. “She’s a very mean person.”

“It’s tough love.”

You giggled as they started arguing, slipping an arm around their waists, their arms instinctually coming up to your shoulders.

“Oh my God. A prowess?”

“Yes, Y/N. A prowess.”

“You know, maybe if you someone let me help-”

“Hey, woah! You were tired! I let you sleep! I was being nice!”

“Too late now. I’ll be lucky if Sarah lets me within a hundred feet of it!”

“She got you so good, Sammy!”

“I agree with Buck for once! You’re too snippy right now! And c’mon man! Stop flirting with my sister!”

“It’s my natural charm.”

“Charm? What charm?”

“Ouch, doll! That one hurt!”

****************

“Okay.” You stepped out of the bathroom, walking over to the couch and setting the bag down on it. “I’ve got everything packed. We’ve got a little over an hour until we need to head out which gives you two time to go set something up for Sammy and maybe even a bit or training before we leave.” 

Bucky frowned. “You’re not gonna come out?”

“I will in a bit. I just got a phone call I need to take.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Government call?”

You gave a mocking smile. “Can you guess what they want to talk about? It’s okay. I’ll survive. It’s only a phone call, so I can always hang up. Pretend I didn’t have good service. I do it all the time.”

“I’m sure you do.” Sam chuckled. “In that case, I’m gonna go grab some stuff and get the shield.” As he walked out, he made sure to mouth at you behind Bucky’s back ‘conversation’ making you swallow thickly. You were planning on talking to Bucky anyways, and with Sam’s insistence…

“Okay, so, I was thinking when we get back-”

“Can I talk to you?”

Bucky stopped digging through the bag, blinking at you in surprise at your sudden burst. “Uh…well, we already are, so yes.” He chuckled, straightening and crossing his arms.

“I wanna have the conversation.”

He was left stunned, once again, his mouth opening and closing and his weight shifting form one foot to the other. “Like…that conversation? R-right now? Are you sure?”

You winced at her nervousness. “Sorry, sorry. I know it’s kinda…I just…I need to talk about it. Now.”

“Okay, okay. No, that’s fine. Don’t apologize. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Bucky cleared his throat. “That’s all.”

“Okay…” You breathed with a small nod. You opened your mouth, but Bucky shook his head.

“I hafta say this first; I didn’t mean to hurt you by telling you about Steve. I-I dunno what I thought. That it’d give you closure or something. I dunno. But it hurt you and I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.”

“Buck-”

“I was jealous. And guilty. And mad. And upset. I still am. Kinda. I guess. I dunno.” Bucky shook his head, running his hand through his hair and all you could do was gape at him as he started confessing to you. “Remember when we danced? In Madripoor? Doll…I don’t wanna dance ever again if it’s not with you. I fucking love you, Y/N. And not in the way we’ve said it before. I’m in love with you. I have been for-for a while now. I just - you were Steve’s. Steve loved you and you loved Steve and that was that and I was just the broken childhood best friend. But Steve left and he told me to take care of you and I didn’t know what to do with that, because you still love Steve. I think. I dunno. And I didn’t want to break what we have because you’re all I have left of him. You and that stupid shield. You’re my family. My home. I really meant it when I told you that. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you. Because it means too much for me to break what we have because I fell in love with my best friend’s girl. You know?”

He looked at you with pleading eyes, begging you to understand, but your brain was still trying to process what he was telling you.

“Oh God…” He groaned. “And now I just told you everything and you’re looking at me like that wasn’t what you wanted to hear and now I’m thinking this wasn’t the conversation you were thinking it was going to be-”

You were moving across the room before you could stop yourself, pulling him by the teal Henley you knew was comfortable having worn it to bed before when you visited him in New York, and slanting your lips over his.

His breathing hitched and he froze, and for a hot second you thought you made everything worse, but then he was kissing you back and his hands were on your hips and he was pulling you closer and it felt so fucking good you didn’t want to pull back for air.

“Shut up.” You muttered when you finally did pull back, your forehead against his, your eyes clenched shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.” You pulled back to look up at him, chests heaving against each other, your eyes prickling. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at opening up. I only ever was good at it with Steve but Bucky…I’ve been doing it with you. This whole time and I didn’t even realize it until the conversation in the car.”

He reached up to cup your cheeks, wiping away the relieved tears that were falling from the weight you were finally getting off your chest.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. How could I not be? After all that time in Wakanda? I was never Steve’s girl, Bucky. I wanted to be. Dammit, did I wanna be, but I wasn’t. Not really. And he’s gone. But you’re not. And I don’t know why it took me so long to see that. That you’re the one in front of me. You’re the one who held me when I needed it once he left. You’re the one that would listen to my rambles that I’m just realizing was most of our phone calls. You’re not just the broken childhood friend. Don’t ever think that. I don’t pick up the phone at five in the morning after searching for a friend until two for just anyone. Even Steve’s best friend. And I’m such an idiot because I’ve been pushing away my feelings all these years for Steve and then I let them out with you at the wrong time, because I love Steve, Bucky, but I’m not in love with him. Not since I fell in love with you. And I know it doesn’t make sense, but Steve was the first one I cared about and that’s just how I feel and I can try to explain, but-”

His lips crashed onto yours again and you could taste the salty tears that were pouring down your cheeks, but you didn’t care. He was holding you and he was kissing you and it was even more perfect than you thought it’d be.

“You’re adorable when you ramble, but Jesus Christ, shuddup, doll.” He breathed. “Just tell me you love me. Tell me you love me just a fraction of how much I love you.”

You looked up into those ocean eyes, your own shining with earnest affection. “James Buchanan Barnes. I love you.”

“That’s all I need to know.” He murmured against your lips, holding your head against his, still wiping away your tears. It felt like with each one that fell, you felt lighter and lighter. Like they were taking away every fear and anxiety you held within you for the past six months.

“Alright! I was thinking we could just set up in these trees out here - holy shit! Is it done? Did you do it? Did I miss it? Has the conversation been had?”

Bucky chuckled as you giggled. “He has the worst timing.” The last two words were loud enough so Sam could hear, although the man heard the whole sentence. 

“I’m gonna take that as a yes!” Sam cheered. “Halle-fucking-lujah! Finally! I was that close to locking you two in the attic.”

You shook your head at Sam’s personal celebration, drowning the rest of his words out as you looked at Bucky, who swept his thumb over your cheek catching one last tear, before pecking your lips.

“I finally get to kiss where I really want to.” He spoke softly, kissing your lips again. “Are you mine, doll?”

“I thought you said I’d always be your doll.” You answered cheekily. He grinned, kissing you again, pulling you against him by the hips.

“Okay, okay! That’s enough! We get it! You’re in love, finally, but I don’t wanna see it anymore! Now will you come help me with this shit?”

Bucky left one more lingering kiss on your lips, before you pushed him away reluctantly. “I’ll be right out.”

He nodded, moving over to help Sam carry the things he’d gathered.

You watched them put it all up from the window, gnawing on your cheek as you spun your phone in your hands. Coming to a decision, you tossed your phone in the duffle bag and walked out with it just as the boys finished.

“That was a quick phone call.” Sam raised an eyebrow.

You shrugged. “Didn’t call them. If they really need me, they’ll find me.”

Bucky grinned as you set the bag down under a tree, pecking your lips when you got close enough for him to grab by the waist to hold you against him. You rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully away and giggling as Sam let out a groan.

“Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got, Sammy.”

~

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Bucky knew he needed the tough love talk Sam was giving him. He needed to hear it. Because, deep down, he had known it all along, he just refused to believe it. He tried doing it. Making amends. He knew he wasn’t though. And of course he knew immediately who that one person would be.

“And hey.” Bucky looked at him. “Let me tell you what. Telling my girl all that you told her? That’s a good start. I’m proud of you. Both of you. You’re already happier. I can see it in your eyes.”

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head as he thought of the gorgeous woman he nearly let slip through his fingers. He looked over to the house, where she was inside somewhere getting ready after suddenly deciding she needed to shower before they left. “I was stupid.”

“Yeah you were. You both were. I’m so relieved it’s over.” Sam nudged him. “Treat her right, Buck. She deserves it.”

“I know…I just hope I can.”

Sam shook his head. “Uh-uh. Don’t do that. You were just starting to use that cyborg brain of yours! She chose you. And before you say anything,” Sam cut Bucky off from speaking as he opened his mouth to object. “She chose you before Steve left. It just took her dumbass this long to realize it.”

Bucky nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah…okay…” Before he could say anything, the goddess herself stepped out, jogging over, looking absolutely amazing in her jeans and his t-shirt. “Good talk.”

Sam laughed at his quick ending of the conversation as she came up besides them. “Talking about me?” She asked cheekily, eyes shining. Bucky couldn’t help but take her under his arm, pecking her lips. Now that he could, he didn’t think he could stop. He was addicted to say the least.

Throwing Bucky a wink, Sam shrugged. “Just all the things that get on our nerves.”

“Ha ha.” She rolled her eyes. “We better get going.”

Bucky and Sam clapped hands. “You know Karli won’t quit.”

Bucky smiled. “Ah. You call us when you have a lead and we’ll be there.”

Y/N stepped forwards to give Sam a hug. “Anytime, Sammy.”

“Eh. Anytime between noon and midnight.” Bucky corrected. “Or noon and ten. Noon and five…you better just call at noon to be safe.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure.”

“Not necessarily as a team.” Bucky continued, grabbing the bag, getting Y/N back in her spot at his side under his arm.

“Nope!”

“We’re not that good.”

“Definitely not.”

“We’re professionals.”

“Definitely.”

“And, uh, we’re partners.”

Sam snapped, pointing at him. “Coworkers.”

“But we’re also a couple of guys with a couple mutual friends.”

“Ones now gone and you’re dating the other.”

“So we’re a couple of guys…with a badass to help out.”

“I can live with that.”

“Perfect.”

“Oh my God.” Y/N let out that laugh Bucky could never get enough of, shaking her head at the two of them. “You forgot dumbasses.”

Sam shook his head. “Nuh-uh. That’s your couple name.”

“Dumbasses?”

“Oh yeah.” The three of them came to a stop, Bucky and his girl - God he loved confirming it now - facing Sam. “Thanks for the help, guys. Meant a lot.”

Bucky patted his shoulder. “Of course.”

Y/N shot him a wink. “Until we meet again, Sammy.”

“Until then, cher.”

Bucky couldn’t stop his grin as she wrapped her arms around his waist, the two of them starting to walk to the main road where she already ordered an Uber. He looked down at her, kissing her lips for the nth time in the past hour.

“I wish I didn’t wait so long,” he told her seriously. “But I’d wait a thousands more centuries if it meant I get to call you mine.”

She giggled, shaking her head. “You’re such a sap! But…” she moved up to kiss him and his heart stuttered. He knew he had a goofy grin on when she pulled back, but he couldn’t help it. Especially when she laughed again. “I have to agree with you on that, Buckaroo.”

#cjsinkythoughts #cjswriting #cjsspoilers #fatws spoilers #tfatws spoilers #falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #fatws #tfatws #falcon and the winter soldier #fatws series #fatws pt 6.3 #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x avenger!reader #bucky x avenger!reader #bucky barnes #❤🐦💙🦾 #💙🦾

[forever-rogue]

A Bucky request for you queen: Reader takes Bucky to meet her family for the first time, and he’s already nervous, but he’s even more nervous when you ask if he wants to hold your sisters new baby bc he doesn’t wanna hurt the baby and he thinks he’s still damaged.

But eventually you convince him to hold the baby and then he sees how good you are and he thinks about having a family for the first time and things can either get fluffy or smutty, whatever u r feelin

Have a great day love!🤍

A/N: enjoy some soft fluff! 🥺

Pairing: Bucky x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: none

PART 2

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Bucky?” you stared at your reflection, putting your earrings in to complete the final outfit touch. You were getting ready to head over to your sister’s house in order to see her, her husband, and their newborn baby for the first time. You were excited to go, beyond ready to see her again and meet the newest addition to your family. Meanwhile Bucky was going through a series of emotions as he tried to ground himself and settle his nerves. He’d been reluctant to agree to go, not because he wasn’t happy to come, but more so because of the bundle of nerves that had welled up at the prospect of meeting a tiny, brand new life. As soon as he’d seen how your face light up in excitement at the prospect of going over, he couldn’t say no when you invited him to come with you. Then again, Bucky could never say no to you, “are you ready to go, my love?”

“I’m ready,” he agreed quickly as he stepped out of your shared bedroom, clearing his throat as he pulled on his leather jacket. You turned, flashing him a dazzling smile that still made him weak in the knees, when you noticed a worried expression on his face. You flounced over, hands going to his shoulders as you offered him a reassuring squeeze. You gazed into his eyes, trying to gauge what was going on in his mind when he let out a small huff. He knew you could read him like a book, “alright. I-I’m nervous about meeting...the baby.”

“James,” you reached up and rested your hand on his cheek, relaxing as he lightly keened into your touch. His hands found purchase on your waist as you leaned into him, brushing your lips against his, “you have nothing to be worried about. She’s just a baby, she’s got no right to judge and she won’t. She’ll see Uncle Bucky and fall right in love. Talk to me, love, tell me what’s going on.”

“You’re going to laugh,” he turned his gaze away, but you reached up and put your hand under his chin and shifted his gaze back to you, “it’s stupid.”

“I’m not going to laugh,” you insisted quietly, “you could tell me anything and it wouldn’t be stupid.”

“I just worry,” he sighed after a few beats of silence passed between the two of you, “what if...what if he’s still in there? Some small part of him and he...snaps. Or something. She’s going to be so small and all it would take it one little-”

“Bucky,” you reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly in your own before lacing your fingers together, “you are not him anymore - he is not you. He never was. You are James Buchanan Barnes and no one else. He is not a part of you anymore at all. You are free of all of that. You are good, you are. I know sometimes it’s harder to believe than others, but it is true.”

“I know,” he closed his eyes for a few moments, lashes fluttering against soft skin as a small sigh passed his lips. He squeezed your hand back before resting his head on your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his waist, “it’s just...I don’t want to have a moment of...weakness.”

“You won’t,” you insisted softly, “maybe right now you don’t need to believe in yourself, but can you believe in me?”

“Always,” you could feel him smiling lightly against your warm skin as he nodded.

“Good,” you pressed a kiss to the side of his head, “now, trust me because I trust you in you. Now, let’s go, otherwise we’ll be late and then then everyone will be mad.”

“Everyone’s going to be there?”

“Just my parents, my brother, my sister and her husband and the baby of course,” you stepped back and looked him over before leaning in and kissing him quickly, “they know you, Bucky. The real you and they love you. There’s nothing to fear. Might I also add that you look very handsome today. You’ll knock ‘em dead.”

“You look beautiful,” you just happened to be wearing one of the dresses he loved most on you. He’d never commented on it, but you’d seen the way his blue eyes had lit up when you’d first worn it. You figured it would be something to help ease his nerves, almost to ground him as you had a suspicion that he might be nervous. He’d gotten much more comfortable around your family over the last year, but you knew that his general anxiety and fears sometimes bubbled up, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you promised as you held your hand out towards him. He strode over slowly before taking your hand in his and inhaling and exhaling deeply. He could do this - you knew he could and he knew he could too. Your support had meant everything to him and have him that little push he needed to get over the lingering bit of insecurity he had.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“She’s so small,” you said softly as you held the small baby in your arms. She was sleeping soundly, her little lips forming a perfect pout as you rocked her gently, “she’s beautiful.”

“She better be,” your sister joked, “nine months and then 30 hours of labor - she better be beautiful!”

“You’re the worst,” your eyes widened in surprise before you giggled quietly, “how’s she been?”

“Aurora’s been so good,” she said and you traced over her chubby little cheeks, “lots of long days and nights and more dirty diapers than I care to admit, but she’s worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I can see why,” she was so small and tiny, a new life that had so much ahead of her. The idea made your heart melt, “it must all be terribly scary and exciting.”

“It is,” she agreed as she nudged your knee with hers, “what about you and Bucky? Ever think about starting a family of your own? You guys have been together for a while and it’s something to think about…”

“We’ve...vaguely discussed it,” you confessed, looking up just in time to spy Bucky casting a quick look at you. He was mid-conversation with your father and brother but shot you a soft smile before turning back to the conversation. Your breath caught in your throat as a warmth settled in your belly, setting off a course of butterflies. What you hadn’t seen was all of the other gentle, tender glances he’d been throwing your way since you’d gotten there. You sister cleared her throat before drawing your attention back in, “but umm...it’s never really gotten that far. I dunno what’s going to happen, but I like to think maybe one day we’ll get married. I don’t see a future with anyone else.”

“You really love him, don’t you?” she asked softly as you nodded, feeling a warmth creep up into your cheeks as you avoided looking at her face.

“I do,” you bit your lip as you stared at the small baby that had started cooing softly. Her eyes slowly opened as she nodded before looking around and smiling. She waved her chubby little arm around before reaching for your finger and curling her fist around it. You beamed at her before pressing a kiss to her forehead, “just like you already.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Bucky?” your voice was soft as you walked outside to the backyard where he was standing and watching the sun slowly setting and painting the sky in brilliant pinks and purples. He hesitated for the slightest of moments before turning to you with a half smile on his features.You were holding Aurora in your arms, and she was already back to being half asleep. His nerves shot up but he quickly calmed down when he realized how tranquil the portrait painted in front of him was. You made it all seem so easy and effortless - it was new and foreign to you too, but you were handling it so well. Maybe he could as well, “would you like to meet your niece? To hold her?”

“I don’t...I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said softly as you both took a few steps towards each other. You offered him a hopeful little smile as the baby opened her eyes and turned to look at Bucky. He met her eyes and she babbled excitedly at him. Suddenly, something within snapped as his whole demeanor shifted and his expression softened as he took in a shuddering breath. He could do this, he realized, he could do this.

“Bucky?” this was more hopeful and optimistic as he came towards you and cautiously held his arms open to you. He only nodded as you looked at him to make sure it was okay. Shifting the tiny human from your arms to his, you watched as Bucky took to water like a duck to water as he made sure she was secure in his grip. It was a sight to behold and you felt your heart beat wildly.

“She’s so...new,” was all he could get out as you laughed at him. He almost couldn’t take his eyes off her as you gave his shoulder a squeeze, “so tiny.”

“That’s kind of what a baby is,” you joked as you stuck your tongue out at him and he jokingly scoffed, “see, it’s all easy squeezy lemon peasy.”

“It’s not as hard as I thought,” he confessed after a few moments, “it feels…”

“Yeah,” you pressed a kiss to the side of his head as you finished for him after a few beats of peaceful silence, “I know.”

“Do you think I could have a few moments alone?” he asked as you nodded, standing back and admiring the sight of your boyfriend holding your niece. It struck up something within you and while you weren’t quite sure what it was, you couldn’t help but revel in it.

“I’ll be inside,” you promised, “dinner will be ready soon.If you need anything, just say the word and I’ll be right there.”

“I know,” he grinned, “I know.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Bucky watched you walk back inside and close the screen door, holding a hand up as he lightly waved back at you. A wary sigh escaped his lips as the baby watched him with nothing but curiosity in her eyes. He’d held babies before, in another life, one which was stolen from him but had led him here. But he wasn’t angry about that anymore; he’d spent many years in anger about it and he was past that. He knew, one of the things that had helped him out of that anger and hatred was you. If his cards had been played any differently, you wouldn’t have been a part of his, and you had slowly but definitely become one of the best parts of his life.

It felt so foreign but so right in that moment as he stared at the small life in his arms. He’d never really pictured himself with a family of his own, once in his old life he might have, but he hadn’t in a long time. With you, something had trickled in, slowly blooming over time to become stronger and stronger. And after seeing you with the baby, there was something in him that had come full circle. And as he looked at her little face, he couldn’t help but wonder what your own child would like. Would they have his eyes? His dark shock of hair? Or would they take after you? Either way, he knew whatever child the two of you might have would be beautiful.

“Hi Aurora,” he whispered to her as he allowed him to touch her cheek, finding the faith and trust deep within himself, “you’re still so new to this world. You don’t know about all the horrors and scary parts yet. But there are so many good things too, lots of beautiful things. I will do my best to protect you from all the bad parts, I promise. Whatever you need, I will be there.”

She smiled at him, a toothless, gummy thing as he beamed at her. Maybe...maybe one day this could be a reality for the two of you as well. Bucky let himself relax as it felt like a weight lifted off of his shoulders at the realization that he was okay. That nothing had happened and nothing would happen. He was okay...he was okay. He closed his eyes for a moment as he remembered how you looked holding her earlier. The sight had sparked something within him too; it was a sight he had thoroughly enjoyed seeing. For the first time in a long time, he had allowed himself to think that maybe he could have this too, that he could have a family and happiness of his own.

A sigh, this one contented and happy, escaped his lips as he cradled Aurora against his chest and watched the sun disappear behind the horizon, “I think maybe one day I could be a dad. I think..I think I’d like that. Especially after today...I feel like it could be an actual possibility. I was nervous about today - meeting you. I know it sounds silly, especially since you’re just...a baby. I wasn’t sure if I could...trust myself - it’s still hard sometimes. Not often but there are times. You helped me to see that maybe it’s not so hard after all. Whatever it is, I-I’m willing to try. Especially with your Aunt. You’re going to love her, you know. I do.I really, really do. I think she’s everything.”

“Bucky?” you poked your head out the door and beamed, “dinner’s ready!”

“Coming,” he slowly made his way back over to you. Opening the door wider, you ushered him inside, a hand going to the small of his back as he handed Aurora back over to your sister. He returned to your side, an arm snaking around your waist as he kissed the top of your head, “hi.”

“Hello my love,” you grinned back at him, “how’d it go? She seemed to like you...you seemed to like her…”

“I did,” he agreed, “we had a good talk. Well, I did most of the talking, but she’s a good listener.”

“Hmm,” you snorted in laughter, “you’re something else, Barnes.You’re lucky I love you so much.”

“I love you, sweetheart,” he leaned in so he could whisper in your ear, “maybe later we could talk. There’s some...things that have been on my mind for some time.”

“Bucky?” you gave him a confused look but he cut you off with a soft kiss to your lips, “everything alright?”

“Yes,” he promised gently, “everything is perfect.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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#bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #tfatws

[snowstark]

counting to 100. 🍒

For @tonystarkbingo | Fill: Peter Parker/Spider-Man For @peterparkerbingo | Fill: Villain Redemption The one where the Superior Iron Man finds himself having a soft spot for Little!Peter who regresses after a stressful day as Spider-Man. READ ON AO3

The first time Peter saw him, it was when he was out on patrol.

He remembered hiding behind the line of hedges on the penthouse rooftop, stilling his breath like he was terrified that he could hear him. He remembered letting out a little gasp when the— the thing—armour?—wrapped around his body, enveloping him like a snake slithering up his torso, and remembered the way his blue gaze had snapped to his hiding spot. He’d known he’d given himself away that night.

But the Superior hadn’t done anything; his gaze lingered on Peter for a few moments before he disappeared, leaving behind a trail of dust as he shot off.

The second time Peter saw him, it was when he was sitting on the curbside of the empty playground, humming under his breath as he traced the alphabet into the sand. He’d had a rough day, and he could feel the familiar haze of warmth and safety and softness approaching him when he was interrupted by a set of sharp, clean black shoes at the corner of his vision. He jumped to his feet and stared with wide eyes. It was 4 in the morning; no one ever came to this area by now.

But this was the Superior, and he played by his own rules.

Peter’s chest tightened with fear and he stammered, “I— ‘m not—”

“You’re young,” the Superior noted, and Peter fell silent, wringing his mask in his hands.

Then, he looked down and gasped. His mask! He was— he wasn’t supposed to let anyone see— he tried to yank it back onto his face but a silver tendril shot out and wrapped around his wrist, making him choke on another gasp. “Please,” Peter whimpered.

“So fearful, little one. What scares you this way?”

And that— that was just a ridiculous question. The Superior was scaring Peter, and there was no way he didn’t know that. Peter knew who the Superior was, knew what he could do, but he was little right now, and fear only made him feel smaller by the second.

“I don’t—” A pitiful noise escaped Peter’s throat again, and the tendril retreated to hover over the letters scrawled into the sand. Peter followed the movement with his gaze. He’d stopped at ‘P.’

Then, the Superior wrote, slowly: ‘Q.’

Peter’s lips parted in surprise.

“What comes next, little one?”

Peter’s gaze jumped back to his face, and the armour melted away like a melting snowman. The Superior raised his eyebrows, and Peter bit his lip, then said softly, “R.”

The Superior’s lips quirked into a small smile. “That’s correct. Smart thing, aren’t you?”

Peter felt his cheeks tinting with warmth, and he ducked his head. The warm, fuzzy feeling was approaching his vision again, strong this time, even though deep down, somewhere in his brain, he knew he should be making an excuse, should be trying to put some distance between them, and get home safely.

But thoughts were hard. It was like trying to swim in mud. Fuzzy mud. And Peter wasn’t a caterpillar.

So, he looked down at the sand, bent down, and wrote ‘R.’ Then, he looked up at the Superior, who nodded, and he wrote ‘S,’ then ‘T’ and ‘U.’ He continued until he reached ‘Z,’ where he ended it off by drawing a little heart.

“‘m done,” he said softly, looking up at the Superior.

The man had his hands tucked into his pockets, and he gave Peter an impressed look, drawling, “Look how smart you are. Now can you count to 100?”

Peter blinked, and said uncertainly, “‘s— ‘s a big number.”

The Superior’s lips tugged into a smile, eyes crinkling the slightest bit. “It is, isn’t it?” Then, he turned his head, like he was concentrating on something far away, and Peter got on his tip-toes to try to see too. Except he didn’t see anything but the dark, black sky.

Then, the Superior said, “Practice your numbers, little one,” before the armour covered him in a shimmering case of silver. He was gone within moments, leaving Peter standing there with nothing but the English alphabet etched into the sand.

--- --- ---

For some inexplicable reason, Peter found himself back at the playground again the next day. Someone had erased the alphabet, but he wasn’t upset. He could start again.

The weather was getting colder now. He’d have to bring a jacket or something to wear over his suit when he was done patrolling. He always got a little more chilly when he was slipping into that safe space too, like he was being poked by icicles.

He was sitting on the swings when the Superior arrived, as if they’d planned a rendezvous.

He looked up, surprised. The first day had been a coincidence, this was not.

The Superior was silent as the armour melted away, and Peter fidgeted nervously before squeaking out, “Hi.”

The Superior lifted a poised eyebrow. “You’re out late again.”

“Um, I patrol.” Peter lifted his mask up, blinking uncertainly up at him. “‘s my break time right now. And ‘m hungry.”

“Patrol, huh?” A coil of metal reached out to flick Peter under the chin, making him jump. “Brave boy, keeping this place safe.”

“Sometimes,” Peter said softly. “Because sometimes I see bad things on TV at school ‘n I have to go fix it.”

“Oh, do you? Is that why you can’t count to 100? Been skipping class too much, little dove?”

Peter’s lips formed a small pout before he could help himself. “I can count,” he protested, affronted. “‘s just a little bit hard, sometimes.”

“Well, that’s okay. You can always ask for help, can’t you?” The Superior approached him, watched his feet skitter nervously on the sand of the playground.

Peter nodded timidly, then asked, “What’s a dove?”

The Superior’s lips twitched. “You’re a dove.”

Peter looked down at himself, confused, then back up at him. “‘m not! ‘m just— ‘m just Peter.”

The Superior didn’t say anything, just watched him fidget some more on the swing before he murmured, “I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?”

The Superior gave a slight nod.

“I like surprises,” Peter admitted softly.

“Well, then, you’re a lucky boy.” The Superior extended a silver tendril behind the bushes to draw something out.

Peter slid off the swing, eyes wide. Then, when the object was close enough for him to make out what it was, he gasped. “For me?”

The Superior nodded again, pressing the white teddy bear into his chest.

Peter grabbed it immediately, pressing his fingers into the fur. It was softer than anything else he’d ever touched; it didn’t feel like a cheap dollar-store purchase, but more like the type you would see on display at fancy clothing stores, sitting on the counter. He pressed his face to it, rubbing his cheek against it as he let out happy noises.

“What do you say?”

Peter’s gaze jerked up to meet the Superior’s expectant gaze. “Thank you,” he said breathlessly. “I love her.”

The Superior looked smug. “I knew you would.” Then, he turned around again, just like he’d done last night, staring at what only he could see, and Peter clutched the bear closer to him.

“Um— Mr. Superior?”

“Hm?” The Superior didn’t turn his head.

“Can I— she’s mine?”

“She is.” With that, the silver armour began to ghost over his body again, and Peter almost watched with an air of desperation as his face disappeared from view.

“Mr. Superior?” he blurted out in a rush before he could leave.

The Superior waited.

“Um— thank you. Can I have 100 bears?” The words left without Peter realizing it and he gasped, mortified that he’d even asked such a thing. He sounded spoiled.

But the Superior just chuckled. “Maybe if you learn how to count, sure.”

“And um— will you— will you be here tomorrow, maybe?” Peter bit his cheeks, flushing.

The Superior tilted his head. “Do you want me to be?”

Peter ducked his head, shuffling his feet.

When he didn’t respond, the Superior told him, “I’ll be here,” before he turned and left the playground.

Peter watched him disappear, then looked down at the bear in his hands for a long time before heading home.

--- --- ---

The Superior met him every night after that, and that was just incomprehensible to Peter. He knew the man had better things to do. Maybe he was just interested in him because he knew he was Spider-Man.

But even that didn’t make sense, because the Superior never brought it up, nor did he try to hurt him. In fact, Peter found that the urge to go on patrol and be New York’s brave superhero was lessening in favour of being small with the Superior.

The Superior was nice to him. Nicer than anything he could’ve ever imagined. He always brought Peter nice gifts, like a snack, or a warm hoodie for him to wear, and even some hot chocolate.

He always said nice things to Peter too, like you’re a smart boy and such sweet manners, little one, I’m impressed.

But then, one night, for the first time, the Superior was upset with him.

Peter was terrified, and had nearly started sobbing as he collapsed into the swing, the meat of his palms pressed to his eyes.

“What did you say to me?” the Superior demanded, and Peter had never heard his voice like that before.

“I don’t— ‘m sorry—” he whimpered, breath quickening when he felt a tendril of metal wrap around his wrists, pulling them down from his face. “Just— just don’t wanna keep takin’ gifts, M-Mr. Superior, don’t want anymore—”

“Oh, no, no,” the Superior interrupted, his ice-cold gaze burning into Peter, and that didn’t make sense either, because ice was supposed to be cold, not hot. “That’s not your choice to make. It’s always the same thing with you little ants. Never happy, never grateful, only little brats.”

“‘m sorry!” Peter cried again, sniffling.

The Superior was quiet for a few moments, and all Peter could hear was the sound of the man’s harsh breathing in the space between them before it gradually deepened into its regular soothing rhythm. Then— “You’re a sweet boy.”

The words made Peter’s eyes fly open in confusion, and he asked tearfully, “I am?”

The Superior nodded. His gaze was more gentle now. Not soft like it usually was, but gentle. “And that’s why I keep bringing you gifts, little one. It’s rude to deny them when I’m being generous. I’m not always a generous man.”

“Just to me,” Peter sniffled.

“That’s right,” the Superior crooned. “Smart boy, always learning so fast. C’mere, little one, let your Superior teach you how to repent properly.”

Peter stumbled forward, scrunching his face as he mumbled, “I dunno what that word means, Mr. Superior.”

“It means you show me how sorry you are.” The Superior cupped his chin with a hand, tipping his face up. “Because you were rude, weren’t you?”

“Uh-huh,” Peter hiccuped. “‘m sorry.”

The Superior’s thumb stroked over his cheek. Then, he said, “No more tears, little one. I can tell how sorry you are. Had a bit of a scare, didn’t you, poor thing?”

And that was confusing too, because the Superior was comforting him like he’d just woken up from a nightmare when he was the nightmare. But Peter just pressed into the touch and mumbled again, “‘m sorry.”

“I know, little one. But you’re going to be so much more well-behaved now, I know it. You’re a good boy.”

Peter nodded timidly.

For the rest of the night, the Superior watched Peter struggle to complete the hopscotch he’d drawn for him in the sand before leaving.

--- --- ---

Peter was considerably meeker the next day, and he knew that the Superior knew. But he couldn’t help it; he just wanted to be good.

Eventually, the Superior said, “Want to do something fun, little one?”

“Fun?” Peter blinked, then asked softly, “What kinda fun?”

“Mmm.” The Superior tilted his head, eyes glinting. They almost looked like the moon in the sky, glimmering with light. Like a night-light, almost. “Do you want to fly, little one?”

“Fly?” Peter gasped, eyes wide. “I— I can kind of fly.” He held his wrists out in demonstration of his web shooters.

The Superior chuckled, reaching out—with his hand, for once—to gently grip his wrist and tug it back down. “Oh, sweet thing, that’s not true flight. I can show you how to really fly. I promise it’ll be fun. A reward for being so good today.” He crouched down now, eye-level with Peter sitting on the ground. “Do you trust me?”

Peter stared at him, breath shallow in his chest. He wrapped a hand around the Superior’s finger, looked down at it, then back up at his face. “Yes,” he whispered.

The Superior reached out and picked him up, and Peter let him. “Good boy. Hang on tight.”

“Yes, Mr. Superior.” Peter did exactly as he was told, clinging to the Superior’s arms as they stood with his back to the Superior’s front. He could feel the familiar shift as the armour wreathed over the Superior’s body, but it didn’t cover him.

“Are you ready, little one?” The words were spoken in a low voice, quiet enough that Peter had to strain to listen to him.

“Uh-huh.” Peter tightened his grip, heart beginning to pound. He knew he’d be fine. The Superior hadn’t hurt him yet, and he wouldn’t now. And if he fell, well, he had his webs. He might be a little more clumsy with how small he was feeling, but he could do it.

Or maybe the Superior would be the one to catch him.

“Good.” With that, the Superior lifted off the ground, making Peter inhale sharply.

They went up, up, and up, until Peter was convinced that they could touch the sky. Then they were going forward, picking up speed, and Peter gradually found himself relaxing as fear left him, replaced by pure delight at the sight of the twinkling buildings illuminated against the night sky.

The wind was cold against his face as the Superior let them swoop down. Peter let out a thrilled yelp and let his arms fly out, the Superior’s grip on him the only thing keeping him held and safe.

There was a chuckle from above. “Little dove, flying through the air, hm? Daddy taught you how to fly?”

Peter grinned and twisted in his grip, and the Superior held tight. “‘m flying!” he shouted, feet kicking before he could help himself.

Another laugh, and the Superior didn’t say anything else.

Peter kept his arms extended as they shot through the sky, and the Superior even did a loop-de-loop when he begged him enough. Then, Peter pointed at a little apartment building that they zoomed by and squealed, “‘s where I live!”

“Is it?” the Superior murmured, sounding interested. “Do you want me to drop you off at home, little one? Is it bedtime for you yet?”

Peter shook his head adamantly, pouting. “Nooo, I wanna stay with you.” He glanced up, craning his neck, and found the Superior looking down at him.

“Always saying the right things, little dove.”

Peter smiled. He was being good, and now he got to fly with the Superior, and he’d ask if they could do the same thing tomorrow night, too. He was sure he’d get a yes in return.

He turned his attention back to the buildings they shot past, then gasped. “What’s that?” he pointed at the large tower standing tall and proud amongst all the other buildings.

“That’s my tower.”

“Yours?” Peter gasped, eyes wide. “You live there? ‘s so big!”

The Superior nodded, speed picking up the slightest bit. “Do you want to see it?”

Peter didn’t hesitate. “Yes! Please!”

The Superior chuckled. “Well, only because you asked so nicely. I do have a weak spot for pretty words.” With that, he held onto Peter tighter before shooting off towards the tower.

Peter squealed, covering his face with his hands. “Can’t breathe!” he proclaimed dramatically, hearing the wind whip past his ears.

The Superior laughed above him. “Don’t be ridiculous, little one. You’re perfectly fine.”

Peter gave a little wriggle, but he didn’t voice any more protests as they neared the tower.

It was even more grand up close, with big fat letters that said “STARK” and windows that reflected the moonlight that shone down on them. Peter squirmed to get down, and when their feet landed on the platform, their shadows painted streaks across the floor.

“Wow,” Peter breathed, craning his neck to stare up at the sky. They were so close to the moon, he could feel it. He wondered what the moon would feel like in his hand. Cold and heavy, maybe. “Mr. Superior?”

“Hm?”

“Can you get the moon for me?” Peter turned big, pleading eyes to the Superior.

The Superior chuckled. “Perhaps one day, little one.” He outstretched a hand, and Peter took it, obediently scampering by his heel like an excited puppy as they walked towards the open door.

The Superior led him inside, then let go of his hand. Peter immediately ran to the large windows and pressed his nose against it. “‘s so pretty.”

“Do you like the view?”

Peter nodded without turning to look at him.

Then, there was a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly to get his attention. Peter looked up and met a pair of pale blue eyes. “You see that, little one?” Peter followed the Superior’s finger to stare out of the window and at the sparkling city before him. “This is my world. This is my universe. I own it all. And if you’re good, I can give you some of it too.”

“For me?” Peter’s eyes widened. “But— but I dunno how to own it.” He could barely keep track of where he left his stuffies, never mind buildings.

The Superior chuckled. “Well, it’s why you have me. You can always ask for help.” He ran a soothing hand through Peter’s wind-tousled hair. “Are you hungry?”

“Mhm.” Peter blinked up pleadingly. “Pizza.”

The Superior rolled his eyes. “You always want pizza.”

“‘cause it’s good!” Peter pouted.

“Fine. But only one with veggies on it.”

Peter pulled a face, but he knew he’d already lost the fight. Maybe he could pick them off when the pizza came. He followed the Superior towards the kitchen, counting the number of windows they passed by. Then— “Mr. Superior?”

“Hm?” The Superior looked down at him.

“Can you— can you help me? Um, to count to 100?” Peter asked softly.

The Superior appraised him, then smiled. “Oh, little one, you most definitely asked the right person.”

Peter smiled, biting his bottom lip happily, then got up onto his tip-toes to plant a quick, shy kiss to the Superior’s cheek. “Thank you.”

He knew he could always ask the Superior for help.

part 2?? maybe?? tagging: @vaguekiwi @carelessannie @starkentrprises @thegreenmetblue @professional-benaddict

#starker #ironspider #sim!tony #peterparkerbingo2021 #tsbmv #little!peter #daddy!tony #my fics #please i did not mean to turn this into a 3k fic #idk if i’ll do a part 2 but maybe :0

[lipstickstainz]

five times - s. r.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader Summary: A collection of the times Spencer says “I love you” without saying it, and the one time he actually does. Warnings: tooth rotting fluff Word Count: 2k, it’s a short one A/N: happy new year guys! since you wanted this to be fluffy, here it is! hope you enjoy! gif not mine.

Spencer didn't know what he had been expecting when Hotch had announced to the team that they would have young additions. He had assumed that the newcomer would be pretty serious so that he would be taken seriously, and that he would be very reserved at the beginning to get to know the team first and not offend anyone. But he definitely wasn't expecting you.

On your first day, you showed up to work in a knee-length summer dress and high Converse, which threw him off right from the start. While JJ and Emily always wore something office appropriate, you didn't seem to mind catching everyone's eye. With an infectious confidence and a big smile on your face, you introduced yourself to the others. While most of the team looked at you as if you were from another star - except for Penelope Garcia, of course, she was incredibly happy to finally know another colorful bird in the midst - Spencer liked that you stayed true to yourself. No matter what anyone else thought of you.

You went through life with an ease that was quite atypical of your profession. It almost reminded Spencer of Garcia, but only almost. You didn't have to look away when someone showed you photos of dead bodies. He sometimes caught himself worrying that the job would eventually take away your cheerfulness.

"'DO NOT TOUCH' would probably be a really unsettling thing to read in braille“, you said as you sat in the bullpen. Your desk bordered his, so Spencer only had to look up from his files to give you an amused look.

"Where did you come up with that?", he asked, a smile curling his lips.

You shrugged before looking at him. "I don't know. But it would be pretty disturbing, wouldn't it? How fortunate that it can't happen to me."

Spencer tilted his head. "Because you're not blind?"

"Because I can't read braille“, you replied with a grin, and he laughed out loud, drawing everyone's attention. Spencer smiled briefly at them and motioned for them to turn back to their work so you could continue talking undisturbed.

He leaned a little in your direction before whispering to you.

"Your head must be a wonderful place to live in."

-

It was incredibly loud and the air was too stuffy to be able to grasp a clear thought. But maybe it was just the alcohol the bartender was pouring out like Penelope had certain nicknames regarding Derek. But it also seemed to be Garcia's goal to get the entire team drunk on her birthday. She had round after round coming to your booth, repeating "one of you is dancing on the table today" several times. You were sure it would be Penelope herself. Or JJ.

You were enjoying yourself with Emily on the dance floor of the club. You were incredibly warm, which was probably 75% due to the alcohol you had already drunk. You were wearing tight jeans and a backless, loose top, and yet your skin was so hot that the clothes almost stuck to you. At first you had worried that Emily and you were too different to become friends, but one day she showed up on your doorstep after an exhausting case and stayed all night. It had bonded you together.

In a quiet moment, you looked to the others and Derek raised an arm, signaling you were ready for the next round of shots. You grabbed Emily's arm and, singing, you squeezed through the crowd toward the table.

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends“, you sang, and you dropped into the empty seat next to Spencer, who looked at you with amusement. "Make it last forever, friendship never eeeend“, you sang on, leaning back in Spencer's direction without touching him. When he tried to put his arm around you to pull you close, you pushed him away. "I'm sweaty and sticky, Spence. I don't think you're into that."

But Spencer reached for your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours before pulling you onto his lap. His breath brushed your face and you smelled the alcohol in it. "I don't care. I love touching you."

-

"There's a documentary about the formation of the universe and black holes in theaters tonight“, Spencer said. The team was on its way back from a case in Dallas, and while the others were resting or listening to music, you two were playing chess. Not that it was fair, but you liked the challenge and Spencer finally had someone to play with again. "I was wondering if you would like to join me. This case has been exhausting and I think we could use a distraction." He asked without looking up from the chessboard. His face turned glowing red, which you didn't notice because you were trying not to go checkmate in three moves.

You moved your queen before you looked at him. His shoulders were tense and he was breathing shallowly. Spencer bit the inside of his lower lip nervously. "I'd love to“, you smiled, and at your reply he seemed to visibly relax.

Spencer picked you up at home after you showered and got ready. You were wearing jeans and a loose sweater. Up until that point, Spencer had been sure you couldn't get any more beautiful, but when you hugged him with a sparkle in your eye and a warmth in your smile, he wasn't sure anymore.

"Origin of the universe and black holes?", you assured yourself as you stood outside the movie theater. Spencer nodded, his hands buried in his pants pockets. You smirked. "You have to promise me one thing, though."

"And that would be?", he asked as he paid for the tickets and put yours in your hand. You smiled at him.

"You have to promise me that you will tell me every one of your clever thought processes. I want to hear every comment you make, all right? Even if people around us complain."

It was the second time Spencer and you had done something together outside of work, and you enjoyed his company very much, which of course was partly because you'd had a crush on him ever since he'd once explained something to you about his case that you hadn't understood. Spencer had explained it to you as well as he could, and when you thanked him afterwards, he didn't know what hit him. No one cared about his clever anecdotes or explanations, and the fact that you had even thanked him for it made his heart beat faster. Just as it did now.

Spencer looked at you, pleased. "We're the only ones at the movies, Y/N. No one's going to complain."

"Then you can explain everything I don't understand at your leisure."

You entered the movie theater and took your seats. He handed you the packet of popcorn. "You are my partner in crime. You are my favorite person."

-

"The exhibit was very interesting“, you said as you left the museum. It hadn't been your first visit, but visiting it with Spencer was a very different experience. You liked that he had something to say about most of the exhibits. "Thank you for being here with me."

Spencer smiled down at you. "Well, actually, I asked you to go here with me. So I have to say thank you."

"But I wouldn't have been here tonight if you hadn't asked me. So, thanks for that."

Your apartment wasn't far away, and with each step you hoped the evening wouldn't end just yet. As you stood in front of your apartment complex, Spencer nervously stepped from one foot to the other. "I had a really nice evening“, he confessed.

"Me too." If you didn't want the evening to end now, you had to take the plunge. "I'd never been on a date to a museum before."

Spencer's eyes widened and for a moment you feared you had misinterpreted everything. The looks, the stories and the touches. But Spencer stopped your train of thought. "Neither have I. Well, I had been to a museum before, of course, but it had never been dates, and I'm glad I was there with you“, he babbled, blushing, which made you smile. You liked that you could read his feelings from his face. "Um, maybe we can meet again tomorrow? For dinner? If that's not too much for you?"

You didn't answer him, but put your arms around his neck and gently pulled him down to you. In his face you searched for signs that he didn't want this, and when you couldn't find any, you gently placed your lips on his.

At first he didn't return the kiss, which you attributed to his surprise. He stiffened and it took a moment for the synapses in his brain to realize what exactly was happening. You were kissing him. And you had kissed him first. When his mind started thinking again, his hands settled on your waist and he pulled you a little closer to him to deepen the kiss. When you broke away from each other, he had a gleam in his eyes.

"I recorded a short film about quantum physics that was on TV“, you whispered, opening your eyes while he kept his still closed. "If you like, you can come upstairs with me and we can watch it together."

The short movie played as background music while you sat on your couch and kissed until your lips were swollen and your lungs were gasping for air.When he broke away from you for a moment, all he could do was whisper.  "I'm addicted to you."

-

You had tried to keep your relationship a secret, and had failed miserably.

It had taken a psychopath, a hostage, and an explosion for you to fall into each other's arms and for Spencer to kiss you stormily in front of the team. His fingers dug into your skin and would surely leave bruises, but you didn't care. You had escaped the explosion by a hair and Spencer couldn't help but thank all the gods and pull you close to him as you stood in front of him.

"I thought you had been in the building“, he breathed as he gently pushed you off of him to look at you. "I thought I'd lost you."

A tear rolled down your cheek, which he wiped away with his thumb. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, Spence." He pressed another kiss to your mouth before someone cleared their throat. The team stood just a few steps away from you, watching you, which was pretty embarrassing. Except for Hotch, everyone looked pleased and delighted, but you also didn't miss Hotch pressing a bill into JJ's hand.

"That's why you didn't want to go on that blind date I set you up with“, Derek grinned, putting a brotherly arm around Spencer's shoulders. "Pretty boy has a girlfriend."

Nothing ever felt so good as sharing a bed with Spencer after that day. You were half on top of him, he had his arm wrapped around you, and your legs were tangled under the covers. His fingers stroked your bare back and yours danced across his chest. He took a deep breath.

"Are you all right?", you asked, looking at him.

He swallowed. "I know we haven't been together that long and it's probably way too soon, but I almost lost you today and I can't keep it to myself any longer." Gently, he pushed you off of him and propped himself up on his elbow so he had to look down at you. "You're not just my favorite person, Y/N. You inspire me every day and you complete me in every way. You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." He put his hand to your cheek and you snuggled against his warm skin. "I love you, Y/N."

- tags below -

@mollygetssherlockcoffee​ / @averyhotchner​ / @ravenclawrandomness​ 

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer reid headcanon #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid one shot #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #derek morgan #Emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #aaron hotchner #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader smut

[dolcezzasfantasy]

a good kind of fire

prompt | Character A runs a flower shop downtown. Character B is terribly allergic to flowers. ~ for @wkemeup's writing challenge for 9k

pairing | bucky barnes x reader, modern!au

word count | 2.5k (i am now emotionally invested in these characters)

warnings | bucky and reader being awkward as hell, chaotic texting, innuendoes (blink and you'll miss it)

notes | i didn't know i could still submit entries to the challenge haha, i was rlly upset i'd missed the train on it

you'll find out why this is the gif i picked when you read it 😭💀

it was a peaceful spring morning. you heard the chirping of the birds from almost every window in your apartment. sunlight was also seeping in through every window. it was a good start to the day.

today was the day you went into work late. when you had quit your job at an office as a receptionist to pursue your dream of being a florist, you thought you would be working on your own terms. while that was still true for the decorating and choosing flowers part of your job, it certainly wasn’t for the timings. if anything, the timings were more strenuous now that you had to manage shop all by yourself.

you would have to go in at 6 in the morning and leave at 10 in the night with a total time of 17 minutes free throughout for an entire year, before you realised how unhealthy it was for you. you had quickly drawn up a schedule for yourself. once a month you would come in late, and one more time that month you would leave early. it worked well for you.

you would look forward to these two days in a month: the first tuesday of the month being the one you left early and the third wednesday of the month being the one you came in late.

usually, on the days you came in late, you’d sleep in. but today, you wanted to change it up. the morning was a beautiful one, it would be a shame to spend it all inside.

you decided to go to a cafe that your friends had recommended on more than one occasion. good coffee, delicious snacks and cute baristas. you shook your head disapprovingly at how dirtily their minds worked. sometimes, you couldn’t believe you were friends with them of all the 2.6 million people in brooklyn.

you stepped out of your apartment. as you walked out, you waved to your elderly neighbours. back when you had first opened shop, they were your regulars. they’d keep buying even if they didn’t need flowers. you didn’t know where you’d be without their help.

after fifteen minutes of walking and checking the directions on your phone to see if you were going on the right path, you found it. the howling brasserie.

the moment you entered the shop, you realised your friends were right. not about the coffee or the snacks — not yet, anyway — but about the bartenders. holy shit, you thought.

there was a tall blonde man with a smile that could kill, another tall black man who you just knew was incredibly charming and a beautiful red haired woman who looked like she had a flirtatious demeanour. but one man in particular caught your attention.

he was a tall man — six feet tall, at least — with broad shoulders, messy brown hair and crystal blue eyes. you gulped. pull yourself together.

you took a seat at the table furthest away from the baristas. you did not need to come into work flushed and distracted.

you hadn’t been sitting at your table for one minute when you heard a voice above you.

‘ma’am, your order?’

you looked up. oh, my god. it was the same blue eyed man. calm down. he looked even prettier up close. your eyes fell to his chest — you tried your best to stop that from happening, you really did — and you noticed how the t-shirt he was wearing was doing absolutely nothing to conceal his muscular form.

‘ma’am?’ he repeated, a small smile on his face. maybe he noticed that you were staring. he was probably used to it.

‘uh, right, sorry,’ you cleared your throat. you wanted to jump off the golden gate bridge. ‘um, what would you recommend?’ oh, my god, stop embarrassing yourself! you yelled mentally.

‘uh,’ he looked behind to the board with all the products the cafe offered, ‘are you more of a coffee or a tea person?’

‘coffee, absolutely.’

he laughed. you felt your cheeks burn. his laugh was just as pretty as him. dear lord, y/n, what the hell is wrong with you?

‘aren’t we all?’ he joked. ‘anyway, the cold coffee here is splendid. and i’m not just saying that because i work here.’

you had never really fancied iced coffee much. maybe it was time to change that. ‘oh, okay! yeah, i love iced coffee! i’ll take that.’ your voice sounded a lot higher than it normally was.

‘alright, i’ll be right back.’

he left to go behind the counter and make your coffee. sweet mother of everything that is pure, you thought as your gaze fell upon his muscular arms. you tried to push all the unwelcome thoughts in your head that followed.

you were just regaining your composure when he showed up again, this time with your coffee in his hands.

‘here ya go,’ he said, placing the cup in front of you. ‘enjoy,’ he smiled.

if you were standing, you were a hundred percent sure your knees would have buckled under you and made you fall.

you smiled back. ‘thank you.’

the moment he walked away, you picked up your phone and frantically texted your best friend, wanda.

| cUTE GUY ALERT

| what?

| i’m at that coffee shop you recommended

| howling brasserie?

| YES OMG THE BARISTA HERE IS SO CUTE IM GONNA DIE

| lmaoooo calm down bestie

| HOW

| describe him pls

| he’s like six feet tall, messy brown hair, pretty blue eyes and he is so muscular i-

| omg go for it

| r u out of ur mind

| why

| he is sO OUT of my league

| ugh you’re no fun

| :/

you downed the last of your coffee and walked up to the counter to pay for it. thanks to your luck, the cute barista was also handling the cash register.

‘hello again,’ he grinned.

‘hi, um, how much do i pay?’

‘this your first time here?’

‘yep.’

‘on the house.’

‘what?’

‘yep. don’t worry about it.’

‘that’s too kind, i can’t!’

‘you absolutely can,’ he smiled.

‘let me leave a tip at least.’

‘don’t worry about it, doll.’ the nickname, oh, my god, the nickname. ‘you can pay the next time you visit.’

‘right, of course.’ maybe you should make visiting this coffee shop your ritual. and take more breaks, like your regulars insisted.

he waved you goodbye.

as you walked to your shop, you realised you hadn’t caught his name. you had been too enamoured to check for a name tag. damn it.

the next wednesday morning, you went again. you had wanda take care of the shop. you let her take 10% of the proceeds when she was working as compensation.

when you entered the coffee shop, your gaze traveled all over the place. you couldn’t find him. maybe he had a different shift. you considered walking out, but that would be rude. so you sat down in the corner you had last time.

you saw the red haired woman walk towards your table, but when she was less than three metres away, the door swung open. it was him. he was carrying a box. his gaze landed on you, then the woman, and he rushed to drop the box.

you saw him approach the woman and tell her something. she handed him her notepad, and walked to the kitchen. he then came to your table.

‘i’ve been waiting all week for your money,’ he teased.

you laughed. ‘and you shall get it soon.’

‘the same?’

‘yep.’

his gaze lingered at you for a few more seconds before he walked back to the kitchen to grab your coffee.

that day, when you were about to leave after you paid for your coffee, just as you were about to walk away, he rushed up to you.

‘hey,’ he said, in between laboured breaths.

‘hi,’ you said. what? ‘you okay?’

‘yep. absolutely.’

‘gotta get that morning jog in, i suppose,’ you joked.

‘right,’ he laughed. ‘i just, um, for some reason, thought you should know my name.’

‘oh?’ you squealed mentally.

‘yep. it’s bucky, by the way.’

‘bucky,’ you said. ‘right, i’m y/n.’ you stretched your hand out.

‘pleasure to meet you, y/n.’ your heart skipped a beat when you heard him say your name.

‘the pleasure is all mine,’ you managed to say without stuttering.

it became a tradition for you to come every week. wanda was more than happy to let you shoot your shot. you may or may not have led her to believe you planned on asking him out soon. which you didn’t. it was a ridiculous idea.

you stopped leaving early each month to make up for the lost time. it was worth it, because soon meeting bucky had become the best part of your day, week and morning.

it was your fourth trip to the cafe when you and bucky had a full conversation.

he had just brought you your coffee, when you noticed he stood around for longer than usual.

‘i’m sorry, do i pay now?’ you asked.

‘no, no. i just, um, i have a break right about now.’

‘oh, good for you,’ you smiled.

‘yeah. would you, um, mind if i sat down here?’

‘with me?’

‘yeah.’ he ran his hands through his hair, messing it up more than it already was.

‘yeah,’ you felt your face heat up, ‘yeah, absolutely.’

‘great.’ he sat down in front of you.

you felt him look at you as you sipped your coffee. ‘do you want to talk?’

‘god, i’m sorry, i have a bit of a staring problem, or at least i’ve been told.’

you laughed. ‘it’s okay.’

‘so, um, tell me about yourself.’

‘what do you wanna know?’

‘what do you do for a living?’

‘i own a shop downtown.’

‘really?’

‘yep.’

‘what do you sell?’

‘maybe you should come find out.’

‘mysterious. i like that,’ he chuckled. ‘text me the address and i’ll stop by someday.’

‘alright.’

he stared at you for a second.

‘staring problem,’ you reminded him with a smile.

‘right, sorry,’ he laughed. ‘just, uh, how are you gonna text me?’

of course. ‘um, i don’t know.’

‘maybe i should give you my number.’

‘maybe.’

he wrote down something in a messy scrawl on his notepad, tore the page, folded it up and slid it across the table to you. checking his watch, he said, ‘as much as i hate to leave you here, my break has ended. until next week,’ he smiled.

‘until next week,’ you nodded. you unfolded the paper.

his number was there. below it, messy handwriting read, you can call me if you want too <3

you were almost completely certain you were grinning like an idiot.

he came to visit the next day. you were helping an elderly woman pick out what to get for her grandson’s wedding when your phone rang.

‘go on, take it,’ the woman told you.

‘i’m so sorry, i won’t be long.’

you headed behind your counter. it was bucky.

‘hey. isn’t there a rule for this in the bro code or something?’

‘not to my knowledge, no.’

‘the rule where you’re not supposed to call someone if it’s been less than three days?’

he laughed. ‘how do you know that?’

‘i have a few guy friends.’

‘anyone i should be worried about?’

you chuckled. ‘nope.’

‘the rule doesn’t apply to special people.’

‘you flatter me.’

‘i'm glad.’ you just knew he was flashing his thousand megawatt smile at the other end. ‘anyway, what’s your shop’s name? i’m here but i don’t know where your shop is.’

‘oh, it’s the one called blooming shield.’

‘interesting name.’

‘i came up with it when i was drunk,’ you laughed.

‘it’s still pretty good.’

you spotted him out the window of your shop. his back was turned to you.

you rushed out of your door, still on the phone with him. you tapped him on the shoulder.

‘oh, god,’ he practically yelped. you winced and cut the call immediately.

‘sorry about that.’

‘it’s alright.’ his features softened into a smile.

‘do you wanna head inside?’

‘yeah, sure.’ he had an uneasy kind of look on his face, but you brushed it off.

you took him inside.

‘so, why’d you decide to become a florist?’

‘um, i just really like flowers, i suppose. nothing too profound,’ you laughed.

‘interesting.’

‘yeah.’ you led him through the aisles.

‘hibiscus is my favourite flower,’ you told him. you saw him breathing deeper than usual, and his nose was turning slightly red.

‘hey, are you alright?’ you asked him.

‘yeah,’ he almost wheezed, ‘i’m great.’ then he sneezed. ‘oh, my god, i am so sorry.’

‘bucky, are you allergic to pollen?’ you asked him, the worry prevalent in your voice.

‘no,’ his gaze landed on the floor. ‘maybe.’

‘dear lord,’ you said as you practically dragged him out of your store. ‘why didn’t you tell me?’

‘i’m sorry.’ it sounded more like i'm sowwy.

‘bucky, i’m gonna take you to my apartment. is that okay? i have a bunch of antihistamines and decongestants there.’

he nodded.

you put your arm around him. it must have been a strange sight, to see someone of your stature almost carry a man that broad shouldered and taller than most through the streets.

when you reached the apartment, you opted for the elevator for the first time in your life.

‘bucky, why didn’t you tell me?’ you said in the elevator.

‘i didn’t want to let you down,’ you barely heard his murmur.

you took his face into your hand. ‘you would’ve been okay with me almost killing you, though?’

‘you didn’t almost kill me,’ he smiled.

‘i could’ve.’

‘maybe.’

you laughed.

when the elevator reached your floor, you pushed him out — with great struggle — and almost threw him onto the couch when you opened the door.

‘god, i am so sorry,’ you said, frantically, as you looked in your cabinets for the medicine.

‘it’s okay, i deserve it.’

you almost tripped over yourself as you ran to where he was sitting.

‘okay,’ you handed him a glass of water, one yellow pill and one white pill, ‘take these.’

he downed them quickly.

‘are you better?’

‘a little.’

‘that’s good.’

‘you really should have told me.’

‘i know, i just didn’t want to ruin it.’

‘i think you dying would’ve ruined it.’

he laughed. ‘you really are never gonna let this go, are you?

‘nope.’

‘i’m sorry i almost died on our first date.’

you looked at him with wide eyes. ‘was this?’

‘what?’

‘our first date?’

‘was it not? jesus, i misinterpreted it, argh, i’m sorry—’

‘no, i, uh, like the sound of that,’ you smiled.

‘well, now i’ve just ruined it beyond repair.’

‘maybe you can swing by for dinner and we can watch a movie afterwards,’ you suggested.

‘really?’

‘yep.’

‘that’d be great. what movie?’

you thought for a second. then, with a smile, you said, ’mean girls is good.’

‘right, i’ve heard quite a lot about that one. haven’t seen it, though.’

‘oh, my god. you haven’t seen mean girls?’

‘nope.’

‘where were you in high school?’

he laughed.

‘we have to watch this movie.’

‘alright.’ he grinned wide at you. your face was on fire. but a good kind of fire.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

thank you so much for reading! feedback is so, so appreciated! <3 please do not repost my work on any platform. reblogs are fine!

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic

[wintersoldierwhore]

𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 — bucky barnes

part 5 of the ‘positions’ series

(you can read these in any order, none of them are linked)

summary: after suffering the trauma of your boyfriend’s fatal accident, you feel love isn’t possible, but Bucky proves it is.

taglist: @missroro @amateureng @toolateforhappiness @summerdaughter @wendyswildwonders @blowing-mikey @homesicam @violet-amethyst-sky @babygirlwilly @hsbavery

warnings: mentions of death, angst into fluff

“Hey, doll.” Bucky entered your room, after knocking to check if you were decent. He’d done this routine every Saturday, waking you up early to ask if you wanted to train. Everyone had a partner to train with, and considering the pair of you were handy with knives, you were training buddies. Some Saturday’s you’d say yes, throwing a few knives with him, but most Saturday’s resulted in a sad Bucky leaving your room.

“I probably know the answer,” Bucky mentioned, folding his arms and leaning on the wooden door frame, “but do you wanna train?” You sat up from the bed you’d not left since 6pm yesterday. Steve would often come up with food, practically forcing you to eat.

Shaking your head, you smiled disappointingly at him before tucking yourself back in. He couldn’t be mad at you wanting to close yourself off, he would do it if he’d been through what you have. He’d been in a similar situation, but not quite. He just wished he could talk to you, get you out of bed for a few hours, at least.

“Nothing?” Steve questioned his friend, Bucky shaking his head in defeat. Sitting beside him on the couch, Bucky sighed heavily. Steve placed a reassuring hand on Bucky’s shoulder, feeling quite empathetic for him.

Steve was aware of Bucky’s years-long crush on you. Since you’d joined 3 years ago, he’d had heart eyes for you. But you were unavailable. You’d joined as a duo — with your boyfriend. The pair of you were the saviours of your hometown of Ohio, and the Avengers had scouted you to join them. The both of you were well-trained in combat, having met at a boxing gym. You were more knife savvy and stealthy, whereas, your boyfriend couldn’t miss a shot. So you were able to be both long range and short range.

Bucky’s growing crush had increased more as the months passed, seeing you being flirty, no matter who surrounded you or what you were doing. It sickened him. You were so sweet, truly carrying for Bucky, and he couldn’t have you. He tried giving up on his unrequited love, but he just couldn’t. You were too kind to him, it made him fall over and over again. Steve had helped him to at least cope with his feelings, and be able to work around you. You’d formed a pretty good friendship through training and in battle.

You remembered it like it was just a moment ago. One minute you were holding off a small group of soldiers, swiftly slicing them with your knife, your boyfriend trailing closely behind you with an P90. Next minute, he was a bloody mess in your arms, an inch within his death. You didn’t let him go for 24 minutes, Bucky finally prying you off of him. You’d lost everyone in your life — and now him. Love didn’t seem possible at this point, so you’d focused on your career, keeping your lover in your heart.

Bucky knew you’d become completely off limits the second you introduced your boyfriend to him, but even more so now, now that you were mourning your love. He chose to be there for you more than he was before, providing distractions for you, inviting you to training sessions, taking you out for lunch. And it worked, sometimes, but other days weren’t so great. You’d become bed bound from this heartache, and even after a year without him, it still hurt now and then. There would be nights when Bucky would hear your cries of pain, and come to comfort you, eventually the both of you would fall asleep together. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about Bucky romantically this past year, but you threw it off as grief for your boyfriend. It would always lead to the inevitable question — were you ready for a relationship?

“I know it’s harsh to think about, but it’s been a year now,” Steve mentioned, “you need to make some sort of move.” Bucky sighed heavily, for the millionth time today. He knew Steve was right, but how? How could he make a move on a girl still grieving her boyfriend?

It was as if Steve read his mind, “ask her out to dinner, clearly training isn’t working.” It was a good idea, and a good suggestion, too. He’d taken a walk back to your room, preparing the cocky side of himself to appear. You were still tucked into bed, this time with your phone in your hands. You weren’t always this down, it was just one of your bad days.

“Seeing as you won’t train with me,” he began, sitting on the side of your bed, “will you come to dinner?” You rolled over to face him, your head on your hand and your messy hair covering your face. He caught sight of your weak smile, and a nod following shortly after.

The shower felt good, running your finger through your, now smooth, hair felt better. You’d found a casual yet nice outfit to wear, meeting Bucky in the lobby of the compound. Being out of the comfort of your own bed felt weird, you felt cold and out of place. Guilt and grief were weighing down on you, already exhausted from just showering.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, doll.” Bucky called out as he approached you, jacket in hand and RayBans perched upon his nose. He gave you a small squeeze, leading you to his car. You sat in the passenger seat, taking in the fresh smell. For an old man, he sure had a modern taste in cars.

He’d driven to a diner, one you’d been to many times with him. And you liked that he kept going here, you were obsessed with their onion rings. Bucky’s hand held yours the entire night, making sure you were safe and okay. It felt... nice. But you got the occasional feeling that you were cheating. That your boyfriend would be watching over you in tears that you’d moved on from him.

You pushed any negative thought you had to the back of your mind, and decided to enjoy the evening. You’d eaten more tonight than you’d eaten the past few days. Bucky always knew how to make you laughed, and make you feel comfortable. It definitely beat being alone in bed. However, when you’d gotten home, you began to freak out. You didn’t think you could move on from your boyfriend, you didn’t think you’d love the same way again after him. In a frenzy, you’d texted Bucky.

Tonight was nice, but I can’t do this.

He was expecting it, to be frank. He knew you’d panic over just being in a date setting. And as much as his heart was broken, he respected you more than anything. The next few nights were filled with awkward interactions for the both of you, Steve asking you both about the date. To which you’d both responded, “yeah, great.”

Tonight, you’d found yourself in bed, per usual, needing to feel someone’s touch. Just a hug, or something. Wrapping your arms around yourself wasn’t doing it. It was 3.39am, would Bucky be awake? The answer was yes. He was throwing punches at a punching bag in one of the training rooms. Nights were he couldn’t sleep, this is where you’d find him.

Hey, could you come up here?

That was the scariest thing you’d done, and you fought bad guys for a living. Nonetheless, Bucky trailed upstairs with his phone in his hand and met you in your room. Just for you to say, “I needed a hug.”

He’d fallen into your arms with ease, who in their right mind would turn this down? He held you, feeling you shift until your were comfortable. His arms felt tighter than your boyfriend’s, you felt safer. It was harsh to admit, but it’s true. In a moment of pure peace, you couldn’t get your mouth or brain to shut up.

“I’m sorry for that text the other day,” you whispered, your lips a centimetre from his neck, “I didn’t think I should be moving this fast, I was scared to think I had feelings for you. But I do. I’m just terrified to get into another relationship.” You were painfully honest, and he loved it.

“I’ve got you. I’m never going to ask you to forget him, or get over him, but I want you to give this a try. I promise you, till the day I die, I will love you endlessly. If you let me.” He spoke his mind, holding you closer as he said so. A tear fell, not thinking you’d hear those words ever again.

“It’ll be hard to let someone else in.” You confessed, looking up at him. His thumb swiped over your tear, ridding it from your face.

“I’ll wait for you, I swear.” He repeated. You knew he meant it. Bucky was always truthful with you, he respected you. It would be a shame to let him down. So you’d didn’t. As promised, you took it slowly.

There would still be nights where he held you, hoping to let you cry out your pain on his shoulder. You still had days where you were stuck in bed, but it was nothing a little breakfast and kisses couldn’t fix.

#marvel #mcu #tfatws #sebastian stan #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky fanfic #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes