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shawtuzi · 10 months

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finking of morning sex w plug!eren

mdni pls and thank you///cw include: black fem!reader, drug usage (weed), a lot of sexual tension, lazy morning sex that eventually turns kinda rough, some fluff

9:03 AM

the early morning sun nearly blinded you as eren opened the blacked out curtains in your shared bedroom. “ren what the fuck,” you whined burying your face in the plush pillow you were just a few seconds ago sleeping so peacefully on. eren chuckled, bringing a blunt he had freshly pearled to his lips that were still a bit swollen from last nights activities. you’d recently gotten into nibbling and biting on his lips during your intense kisses and although he found it extremely hot he was definitely paying the price for it.

“suns up mama, time to get up….unless you want me to finish this without you,” he smirked blowing a fat cloud of smoke in your direction. you lifted your head from the pillow, a deep scowl on your face. you begrudgingly sat up making eren grin, “yeah that’s what i thought, go freshen up real quick i’ll roll another one while you’re gone.” you let out a dramatic sigh before making your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face.

when you walked back into the room eren was laid up on the bed, little o shaped clouds of smoke flying into the air. “turn on some music,” he grumbled and you quirked a brow waiting for him to finish his sentence with a ‘please.’ when he saw you weren’t moving the realization hit him pretty damn quick, “sorry i meant turn on some music please.” you smiled and happily complied, turning on the speaker. you put on ‘feels like summer’ by childish gambino before flopping onto the bed. “careful baby careful—almost made me ash on my chest,” he chuckled giving your ass a light smack.

“yeah yeah whatever gimme some,” you plucked the blunt from his hands and took a long hit. you maneuvered your body onto his lap, his morning wood definitely not going unnoticed. “what’s on the agenda for today babydoll,” he asked tracing his name over and over on your thigh with his index finger. you handed the blunt back over to him before speaking, “mika invited us to brunch at one, then i have my nail appointment at four, we’ll have to do some grocery shopping tonight, and then i was thinking for dinner i could make that cajun chicken alfredo you like so much.” eren was trying to listen he was really was!! but it was so damn hard when your clothed pussy was directly against his dick that was practically straining against his boxers.

“you listening to me ren?” you giggled snapping your fingers in front of his face. a lazy grin broke out on his face and he nodded, “mhm of course i’m listenin’.” the room was slowly but surely becoming boxed and the more it did the more you and eren we’re feeling the effects of the drug. “had a dream about you last night,” you hummed, leaning back, resting your hands on his muscly thighs. eren smirked, his eyes drifting to your cunt that was practically swallowing your panties. he grabbed the second blunt he had rolled and lit it, “yeah? tell me all about it mama.”

“you were eating me out…and you had those fuckin’ grills in. you were doing such a good job i think i might’ve came in my sleep from it,” you sighed dreamily thinking of how damn fine eren always looked when he had his grills in. you felt eren’s dick twitch but didn’t dare say anything, deciding to tease him a little and see how long he’d last. he handed the blunt to you, a low groan rumbling in his chest. “those grills always make you so weak in the knees don’t they?” he said giving you a lazy smirk. his rough hands trailed from your thick thighs, up your tummy, and finally to your breasts where he gave them a soft squeeze. his thumbs brushed over your nipples and you shivered, nearly dropping the blunt in the process.

you head felt like someone had yanked out your brain and replaced it with hot air bc by god all you could think about right now was eren eren eren. “you dream about me a lot?” he asked, mindlessly toying with your breasts. oh he didn’t even know the half of it. you ran your tongue over your bottom lip, nodding at his question. you were supposed to be doing the teasing, but as always eren had the upper hand and was able to turn you into mush with just a few lewd touches. he looked like a dream right now—his jade eyes were red and hooded, his hair that was usually up was down and cascaded beautifully over his broad shoulders, and he had this damn smirk on his face that was getting your panties wetter by the minute.

‘rendezvous’ by partynextdoor (a song that just so happened to be on your sex playlist) began playing, increasing the sexual tension tenfold. eren’s nonchalant façade began to crumble once of felt your wetness begin to seep into the material of his boxers. “you know if you wanna fuck all you have to do is ask, can practically feel your heartbeat on my dick,” his words made your breath hitch making him smirk for the umpteenth time. “no you…no you can’t! don’t be weird,” you pouted slapping his chest. you hadn’t even realized how turned on you actually were until you felt how uncomfortably slick your pussy had gotten.

eren slowly pulled your panties to the side and this mf actually whistled when he finally laid eyes on your soaked center. “such a pretty pussy,” he mumbled to himself running a finger through your slit. eren took one final hit of the blunt before setting it in the ashtray on the bedside table. without warning he plunged two fingers in your cunt making you gasp but as soon as they were in he pulled them right back out. he brought his fingers to his lips and sucked your essence off of them until they were clean. “i think i’m gonna let you do the work this morning,” he smiled, snapping your panties back into place. you were taken aback at his words a soft ‘huh?’ leaving your pouting lips.

“this weed got me feeling kinda lazy, use me to get off baby i know you can do it,” he gave your thigh a few soft pats and you whined. you sat up just the slightest bit to pull eren’s boxers down mid thigh, his painfully hard dick slapping against his toned stomach. it was a struggle to get your panties off without fully standing up but you managed, and as soon as they were off you began grinding your pussy up and down his dick. each time his mushroom tip nudged against your clit you let out a little mewl that was music to eren’s ears. “goddamn babydoll haven’t even put it in yet and you’re already making my dick wet as fuck,” he groaned, digging his fingers into the plush of your thighs. your slick had his dick glistening in sunlight and man oh man was it a sight to see.

you didn’t even care that he wasn’t inside you yet, all you could focus on was how hard n warm his dick was. “you already gonna cum? hm?” eren breathlessly chuckled and you replied with a weak ‘uh huh.’ one side of eren wanted to take charge so bad and just fuck you silly, but the other part of him was loving how you were taking the lead and becoming so so consumed in the pleasure you were getting just from grinding on his dick.

within minutes you were cumming on his dick with a pathetic whimper, your hands slamming onto his chest so you were able to ride out your orgasm for as long as possible. you were incredibly sensitive in that moment thanks to the two blunts you previously smoked, but that didn’t stop you from wrapping your hand around eren’s dick, using your cum as a lubricant to slowly jerk him off. “just…just need a minute to regroup,” you breathlessly giggled, flicking your wrist a tad faster. eren groaned quietly, his eyes fluttering shut. “take all the time you need baby i’m—s-shit, i’m content as can be right now,” and he really was!! he had gods most beautiful creation taking care of him how could he not be loving life right now??

“‘kay think i’m ready,” you whispered to yourself before moving your body up until his tip was at your entrance. you slowly lowered yourself down, whining at the stretch. it rlly didn’t matter how many times you and eren had fucked you just couldn’t quite get used to the stinging stretch from that first push in. you finally bottomed out and eren’s hands wasted no time finding purchase on your hips. you felt so full.

“feels s’good ren,” you mewled, slowly moving your hips up and down. you pressed your lips to his in a needy kiss which he happily returned, shoving his tongue in your mouth in the process. “i know baby i know. feel so fuckin’ good—like heaven i swear you feel like heaven,” he grunted, bucking his hips up. you sucked his bottom lip into your mouth, giving it a few soft nibbles. ‘so cute’ he thought to himself as you suckled on his lip. he brought his thumb to your clit, rubbing lazy circles onto the throbbing nub. “keep doin’ that m’gonna cum again,” your voice was becoming slurred as your second orgasm of the day was approaching.

you buried your face in eren’s neck letting out little chants of his name as your orgasm washed over you. your mind was so fuzzy the only thing keeping you grounded was the smell of eren’s pine scented body wash. “come back to me baby it’s okay i got you,” he murmured in your ear, stroking your back gently. “want…want some more but i can’t do it, need you to take control please,” you whimpered, twirling your fingers in the silky soft strands of his hair.

eren pressed a kiss to the side of your head and wrapped his strong arms around your back before bucking his hips up. usually his pace would be fast and unforgiving, but he knew you had plans for the day and didn’t want to make you completely fucked out. “yeah jus’ like that baby…love the way you fuck me,” your honey smooth voice moaned directly into his ear. oh how eren loved the praise. eren glanced at the alarm clock on your side of the bed:

10:37 AM

as much as he wanted to savor this moment he knew you’d need at least a thirty minute breather to regroup from the sex, and then it would take you about a good hour to get ready for brunch so unfortunately he had to make this quick. his thrusts picked up and you squealed from how hard his dick was bumping into your pressure point. yeah you’d definitely need a pretty long break afterwards. you removed your face from his neck and after what felt like an eternity eren was able to see your gorgeous semi-fucked out face. you couldn’t help the little droplet of drool that escaped from your kiss swollen lips—he was fucking you that good.

“c’mon renny gimme that nut i need it,” you pouted, squishing his cheeks together and giving him a sloppy kiss. eren moaned into your mouth, his thrusts becoming sloppier by the second. “m’gonna give it to you don’t worry—f-fuck gonna…gonna fill that pretty pussy up,” he practically growled, giving you a harsh smack on your ass.

“gonna fill you up so full you’re gonna feel me in your tummy all—”

thrust

“fucking”

thrust

“day”

really really hard thrust

“oh shit!” you cried, unintentionally biting down pretty hard on eren’s poor bottom lip. the mix of pain and pleasure had eren’s eyes rolling as he finally came inside you with a deep groan. you weren’t too far behind, your orgasm hitting you like a truck. eren stilled his movements completely but kept your body in an iron grip against his. he hadn’t even realized your head had found purchase once again nuzzled into his neck until he heard little sniffles. worry began to coarse through his veins as he lifted your head from his neck, inspecting your face with his brows furrowed.

“what’s wrong? what happened? did i hurt you? why are you crying? talk to me please,” questions were coming out of his mouth left and right making you giggle. “wha-what? why are you laughing?” the smallest pout was settling on his lips and you internally cooed at how cute he was being. you cradled his jaw in your hands, giving his nose a soft kiss. “m’fine ren it was just a little intense, that shit is strong,” you laughed again, referring to the two roaches in the ashtray. eren let out a tiny sigh of relief after hearing you were okay, a small smile now making its way onto his lips. “damn you bit my lip kinda hard huh?” he chuckled, sweeping his tongue over his bottom lip and tasted the faintest bit of something metallic.

“m’sorry baby,” you frowned giving his lips three kisses. you slowly lifted yourself off of him making you both groan in unison. “i should probably go shower—don’t wanna be late,” you sighed, sitting up, careful not to let eren see the wince on your face. although eren was tough as nails, seeing you in any kind of pain after sex absolutely broke him.

eren sat up as well and followed you to the bathroom, his eyes drifting to the cum that slowly made its way down your thigh. “didn’t you already shower while i was sleep?” you quirked an eyebrow as steam began to fill the room. eren wrapped his arms around you from behind, giving your neck a sweet kiss, “i did but i certainly don’t mind taking another one with you.” you felt something hard poke at your back and it was all starting to make sense. “really eren? really? we just got done not even ten minutes ago,” you giggled breaking out of his hold. eren licked his lips as he examined your naked body, “s’not my fault ole boy likes you so much.”

“yeah whatever horndog.”

<333

#eren smut #eren yeager smut #eren jaeger smut #plug!eren #eren x you #eren x black reader #eren x black fem!reader #eren yeager imagines #eren jaeger imagines #aot smut #attack on titan smut #eren yeager #snk eren #snk smut

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obessedwithfictionalmen · 1 month

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Co-Stars pt.15

Callum Turner X Actress! Reader

Summary: Y/n is invited of cooking with Flo and gets a little drunk.

Warning: Kinda cringe (I'm sorry)/ alcohol/ Swearing/ use of Y/n/

Word count: 790 words

Florence Pugh invited her on her cooking show. She was excited to go with her, she loved to cook, and she was friends with Flo. She brought Callum with her, and Callum brought Austin. When she arrived, she hugged Florence and took the apron that she gave her. It was a white one with pomegranate all over it. ‘’I’m so excited!’’ she squeals. Y/n chuckles and kiss Callum before Florence goes live.

‘’It’s cooking with Flo, bitches!’’ she puts the knife in the cutting board. ‘’And Y/n is here!’’ Flo exclaims, hugging her again. ‘’Hey everyone! How’s everyone doing?’’ they look in the chat for the answers and then, they look at each other before laughing for no reason. ‘’Guys, today we’re going to do chicken Cajun alfredo, or whatever the order is. But for the drink, I made Y/n’s favorite, a rum n’ coke!’’ she gives her the glass and they tap their glass together before starting to pace around the kitchen to get the ingredients. ‘’By the way, if you hear people talking behind, it’s my husband and my husband’s husband’’ Y/n laughs. Austin, Callum and Florence burst out laughing, Y/n is proud of her joke, as she joins the group laughing.

‘’So now the chicken is seasoned – ‘’ Y/n impulsive thought took control as she slapped the chicken, like she would slap someone’s ass. ‘’- Mate, what the fuck’’ Florence’s smoker laugh took over her laugh, which made Y/n laugh even more. ‘’How many drinks did they have?’’ Austin asked, chuckling. ‘’I don’t know’’ Callum laughed. Y/n was out of breath from laughing so much. ‘’Okay, where were we?’’ she laughed again. Florence took a sip of her drink before looking at her friend. ‘’We have to cook the chicken’’ she explained. ‘’Oh, we should put music!’’ Y/n suggested. Florence nodded before she hit shuffle on her playlist, the first song that came to their ear was Vente Pa’ Ca by Ricky Martin ft Maluma. ‘’I love that song!’’ Y/n exclaimed as she took Florence hands to dance. ‘’The chicken is going to burn, love’’ Callum warned. As Y/n lip synced, Florence quickly took care of the piece of meat.

The pasta was almost done, so was the chicken, Florence and Y/n had about 3 drinks, Austin and Callum’s cheeks were hurting from laughing so much; Y/n was unhinged. Every thought that went through her head, she shared it. ‘’I think I would’ve been burned alive if I lived in Salem when the trial happened, because I have great tits and an opinion.’’ She said, touching the side of her tits, laughing. ‘’I’m hot, they want to make me hotter’’ she giggled. Florence face palmed as she stirred the pastas. ‘’I think you had enough to drink’’ Callum laughed. Y/n nods in agreeing with him. ‘’We’re going to take a little bit of pasta water before dumping it. That’s the secret, pasta water!’’ Y/n exclaims as she takes a scoop of the pasta water. ‘’Someone in the chat said that Callum and Austin are the parents and we’re the children’’ Florence laughs.

‘’Ok! It’s done! Look at how pretty it is!’’ Y/n says as she shows the plate to the camera. ‘’Austin, Callum, come and taste!’’ Florence says. The boys come behind the girls, Callum puts his hands on Y/n’s waist, making her giggle. ‘’That smells amazing!’’ Austin comments. ‘’Yeah, it does!’’ Callum adds. As they take a bite of the food, Y/n and Florence looks at each other. ‘’It’s so fucking good!’’ Y/n exclaims. Florence nods and chuckles. ‘’Babe, you need to come on the show more often’’ Florence says. ‘’I’ll gladly come back’’ Y/n smiles. Austin and Callum take a bite at the food and smile. ‘’That is Gordon Ramsey level’’ Austin exclaims. ‘’It’s really good, oh my! I love it’’ he smiles.

‘’Okay guys, so that was cooking with Flo and Y/n, bitches! See you next time!’’ Florence says as she stops her live. ‘’That was really fun! Thank you so much for the invite’’ Y/n hugs Flo. ‘’You’re welcome here any time. Maybe with less drinks’’ She laughs. Callum agrees as he puts his arm around Y/n’s waist. ‘’Ouh! Next time we can cook shrimp tacos!’’ Y/n proposed. Florence nods as she says goodbye to Austin.

The aftermath of the video on the internet is good. People are saying that Drunk Y/n is unhinged, the fact that Y/n called Austin her husband’s husband is funny, Florence needs to invite Y/n again, Callum’s love contact is physical touch and many more stuff. Y/n was a little bit embarrassed about things she said, but overall she had a really great time, and she wanted to do it again…

#callum turner #callum turner x reader #callum turner imagine #austin butler #florence pugh #actress!reader

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quartztwst · 5 months

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I'm with the girls. Marriage is scarry. So I propose a partnership. Yall get love, gifts, cuddles, compony, occasionally love bites, and ill cook yall takoyaki, fried chicken ( cajun style ), and Carpaccio ( with mushrooms ) when ever yall want all wrapped up in a small plus size alt style gf that would do anything to see her beautiful ocean pearls smile 😘

Of course, we can always discuss the terms over dinner ;3

Are u guys ok

Just checking 🤨🤨🤨

#azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #twisted wonderland #twst #octavinelle #fem twst #fem twisted wonderland #fem jade leech #fem azul ashengrotto #fem floyd leech

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basementdoll · 6 months

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Spanish Inquisition

Wednesday 13

What does this part-time Murderdoll, chicken lovin’, eyebrow shavin’, horror movie watchin’ dread head have to say for himself when Cardinal Doran asks him your questions and applies the thumbscrews? Read on and find out. Noose of the world: Brother Naki.

Weds: “Right, you must be here to ask me lots of offensive questions?”

Hammer: Usually when we do this we only get questions about how gay are you or how much dick do you love to suck, but this time we’ve only got questions about chickens.

Weds: “Cool! Questions from real fans!”

READ THAT YOU HAD A PET CHICKEN, OMAR. DID YOU JUST GET SICK OF LOOKING AFTER HIM AND EAT HIM?

Pear Black, Via Email

Weds: “No. Unfortunately, not being farmers or anything and not knowing how to take care of chickens, he died. We had a little chicken coop at the side of our guitar amps and our drums. It was the summer, we’d go to practice and leave him and he died of heat exhaustion. So I chopped off his legs and made a little memorial for him by hanging them off my guitar but they got ripped off during one gig. Peace Omar.” [Thumps heart emotively.]

Hammer: What benefits are there to having a chicken instead of a normal pet like a cat?

Weds: “None. The reason I got the chicken was cos when I was a kid people always told me that people like Ozzy Osbourne and Alice Cooper used to bite the heads off chickens live on stage and drink their blood. So for me, I’ve always associated chickens with rock’n’ roll. I never wanted to kill the chicken, I just always wanted it to be there. I'd recommend your readers get a cat instead.”

Hammer: But chickens are good for voodoo rituals as well.

Weds: “And for feathers…”

Hammer: Say if you were going to cook a chicken, what recipe would you use?

Weds: “I’m a big fan of Cajun chicken. I bake chicken pretty much every day of my life, except when I’m on tour because you don’t have access to a stove. You put the chicken in the oven and sprinkle it with salt, pepper and spices and cook it until it isn’t pink in the middle - unless you want to get sick.”

WITH ERIK JOINING NAPOLEON BLOWNAPART, BEN IN NOCTURNE, ACEY IN TRASH LIGHT VISION AND JOEY IN SLIPKNOT, IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR THE MURDERDOLLS GETTING BACK TOGETHER?

Decaying Wench, Hell, Third Door On The Left

Weds: “Well, yeah. There’s always hope. Everybody’s doing their own thing. Joey went back to Slipknot and I started doing this so everybody had to find something to do. I can only speak for myself, because I don’t know what the other guys are doing, but I’m putting 100 per cent into this and it is my number one priority, I’m going to tour this record for as long as I want to. But when the time comes right, everybody feels like doing another Murderdolls record and everybody is on the same page, then yeah, I’ll do it. But there’s no way it’ll happen next year.”

Hammer: How has the material off ‘Transylvania 90210’ been going down?

Weds: “Amazing. I was expecting to get raked across the coals but the kids have been digging it and the reviews from the journalists have been really good as well. People are telling me that it’s much more diverse than the Murderdolls; a lot more like a rollercoaster ride and it’s got many different levels to it.”

HEY TUESDAY, DON’T YOU THINK THAT THE MURDERDOLLS SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY BAD GOFF PORN WEBSITE?

Dan, Chiswick

Weds: “I don’t go to goth porn websites and I don’t think it sounds anything like one. Frankenstein Drag Queen sounds more like a goth porn website.”

Hammer: What are your views on pornography?

Weds: “It happens. I don’t find myself ringing lines or going on websites but if that’s what people do and it makes them happy then more power to them. You won’t be finding me turning up in any porn films by the way. Unlike Fred Durst.”

Hammer: He didn’t come out of that looking well.

Weds: “Fred Durst doesn’t come out of anything looking well.”

SAW YOUR TATTOOS IN METAL HAMMER AND WANTED TO KNOW THE TATTOOIST’S NAME?

Chris, South Africa

Weds: “There was this old guy that I used to go to in my home town of Charlotte, North Carolina but the guy pissed me off and I don’t go to him any more. My new guy is called Mark Evans, who did my stitches which are healing up and he did the new Michael Myers tattoo. I don’t promote my old guy because he was a douchebag.”

Hammer: Did you weep like a six year old girl watching ET when you got them done?

Weds: “No. As I was getting them done I was watching Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure so I was laughing. They hurt though. The ones on the wrists, I think I would have been better just chopping my hands off and sewing them back on: it would have hurt less. It was pretty painful.”

AS THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF KFC, WHICH DO YOU PREFER: POPCORN CHICKEN OR A FAMILY BUCKET?

Cyhiraeth 13, Via Email

Weds: “Family bucket. Popcorn chicken is different here. In America it is actually just what is left over from the other chicken in the bottom of the tray dumped into a bucket. But also the way you guys cut chicken here is totally different. It baffles me, I don’t know what I’m eating. In America you have a leg, a breast, a thigh and a wing. Over here you have a throat, an ass, an elbow…”

Hammer: We don’t have chicken’s elbows.”

Weds: “What the hell am I eating here? It’s all fucking mixed up, I think I had a throat today!”

Hammer: Just say you developed a food intolerance to chicken what would you do then?

Weds: “I’d eat turkey. I’d just move from one bird to another. And turkey’s better for you.”

Hammer: You should try ostrich. Terminator X, the old DJ from Public Enemy, is now an ostrich farmer in the USA, that’s why he doesn’t go on tour with them because someone’s got to stay home and look after the ostriches.

Weds: “I can’t say that I’ve seen a Kentucky Fried Ostrich restaurant yet but when I do I’ll stop by. I fancy a KFO.”

RECENTLY MY MUMMY BROUGHT HOME A BABY CHICK. AS YOU USED TO HAVE A PET CHICKEN, CAN YOU GIVE ME A FEW TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE IT BE QUIET? ITS TWEETING IS DRIVING ME INSANE.

Eddie, London

Weds: “There’s no way to keep them quiet. Keep them out of the heat. Don’t feed them after midnight. They will actually eat anything you put in front of them. They’ll eat chicken, so give your chicken some KFC and watch it become a cannibal.”

IF YOU COULD REMAKE A HORROR MOVIE AND STAR IN IT, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU TAKE?

Charlotte Humphreys, Andover

Weds: “Probably The Abominable Dr Phibes and I would be Dr Phibes because he was the master of revenge and it is my favourite Vincent Price movie. He didn’t really even have to talk to be frightening.”

HEY WEDNESDAY, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU MANAGED TO EAT ONE MILLION PIECES OF FRIED CHICKEN IN 2004 LIKE YOU PREDICTED YOU WOULD?

Storm McCracken, Paraparaumu, New Zealand

Weds: “There’s a good possibility, yeah. I lost count along the way but probably. Not this year though because I turned over a new leaf and now I only eat grilled chicken. I’ve been trying to make sure that I don’t have a heart attack before I’m 30.”

Hammer: Speaking as a bit of a tubby bastard, I was wondering how you stay so slim on such a chicken rich diet?

Weds: “It is basically not eating fried chicken. I went on a diet and I lost 40lbs which shows you how bad it can be.”

COULD A REGULAR PERSON KILL A SHEEP WITH JUST ONE PUNCH TO ITS FACE? I DON’T THINK SO.

Ken B Wild, The Fields

Weds: “Hmmm. It depends on the person. Me? No. I can’t punch a sheep to death but say you’re Tor Johnson from the Ed Wood films, the big guy, he could probably hit a sheep once and break its spine.”

Hammer: I reckon The Thing from The Fantastic Four could waste a sheep.

Weds: “Well, Tor Johnson is probably the closest a human has ever got to being The Thing.

Hammer: What is the biggest creature that you’ve ever killed? Purposefully, that is. Not just forgetting that you’ve left a chicken in a hot room.

Weds: Probably a grasshopper. I don’t hurt animals. When I was a kid I used to do mean stuff but I don’t now. I go out of my way not to hurt stuff.”

DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY?

Goldfinger Rule 502, Via Email

Weds: “Hell yeah! He just came to my house a couple of months ago. He brought my kid a box of candy and $20.”

Hammer: What are your favorite kinds of sweets?

Weds: “I love peanut M&MS. Those things are addictive. I will eat about 10 bags a day if I don’t watch it.”

DEAR WEDNESDAY 13, ARE THINGS STILL TENSE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR RIVAL THURSDAY 14?

Antibody, Via Email

Weds: “Yeah, we’re still going head to head. One day we’ll meet and slug it out but I will win.”

Hammer: It’s Wednesday the 13th soon, do you do anything out of the ordinary on those days?

Weds: “Not normally but this year we are doing the London show so that should be really remarkable.”

DOES YOUR MOTHER FEEL ASHAMED THAT HER GROWN UP SON FEELS THE NEED TO DRESS LIKE A SPAZZ AND WEAR BAD MAKE-UP?

Eyen, Poshland

Weds: “My mom’s pretty proud of me. She goes out and buys all of the magazines and everything else. She is totally supportive of me and is into what we’re doing.”

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT BETWEEN A GRIZZLY BEAR AND A SIBERIAN TIGER?

Bobby G, Via Email

Weds: “A grizzly man! You can’t fight a bear! I’ve seen a bear- you can’t fight them.”

Hammer: You saw a bear?

Weds: “On TV. In a zoo. You can’t fight them.”

Hammer: My Chemical Romance got attacked by a moose once. What is the biggest animal you’ve ever been attacked by?

Weds: “I got attacked by a Doberman when I was eight years old. And they can kill you. The dog had cancer and it had this giant tumour on its side and they were going to put it to sleep in a few weeks. But it came up to me while I was on my trampoline and put its legs up and started growling. I was like, ‘Oh shit, what do I do?’ So I decided to try and run down the hill to get home and the dog jumped at me, knocked me down and I ate grass. It never bit me but it stayed right on my ass growling and I just cried all the way home. Which is OK if you’re eight: a Doberman could bite your arm off!”

Hammer: If you say so. Are you nervous about dogs now?

Weds: “I’m not a big dog fan. I like cats and small dogs but big dogs give me the old phobia.”

ISN’T WEDNESDAY A GIRL’S NAME, LIKE THAT BINT OUT OF THE ADDAMS FAMILY? SHOULDN’T YOU BY RIGHTS BE CALLED PUGSLEY 13?

Mr D Monkey, No Fixed Abode

Weds: “Well you know, I don’t have to buy the rights to be named after the day of the week and yeah, I was totally inspired by the character out of The Addams Family, I’ve always admitted that and never tried to hide it. She was always much cooler than Pugsley because he was a little fat guy.”

WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A JASON VOORHEES TATTOO?

War Machine, Via Email

Weds: “It’s in the process. I’m getting Voorhees and Freddie very soon. So gimme some time dude!”

WEDNESDAY, WHY DO YOU SHAVE YOUR EYEBROWS OFF? IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A PLOPHEAD.

He Man, Reading

Weds: “A plophead? A guy with a plop on his head? What is that? If you mean shit head, say shit head. You know, I shave my eyebrows off for one simple reason: my hair is blond. When my eyebrows grow out they are blond, it just doesn’t look good. I don’t have cool eyebrows, so I shave them off. You can hardly see them anyway. I do notice not having them because of the sweat. If you ever see me on stage squinting like this [scrunches up face as if in agony] that means my eyes are burning out of my fucking head.”

#wednesday 13 #metal hammer #my scans #this was so much fun #the idea of wednesday keeping cannibal chickens immediately turns him into a texas chainsaw family member in my head #i need to manifest that either through writing or drawing #the fred durst shit talking is forever hilarious to me #this man fucking hated nu metal with his whole being #and we're not gonna fucking talk about his bound wrists okay we are just NOT gonna fucking talk about that

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buffetlicious · 2 months

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Around 11 months ago, McDonald’s Singapore came out with the Sweet Paprika Chicken McCrispy. The Chicken McCrispy is back again along with the new Sweet Paprika Chicken Burger. Bringing mum with me, I head to the nearest McDonald’s restaurant to test it out.

youtube

Went with the Sweet Paprika Chicken Burger Special (S$9.70) set meal which consisted of the burger, medium Twister Fries and a gassy drink which I upgraded to a small Ice Lemon Tea (+S$0.75). The burger came with a crispy and flavourful Sweet Paprika chicken patty, refreshing lettuce topped with creamy cajun mayo and soft, glazed buns. The patty is mildly spicy and best of all, juicy to the bite with plenty of lettuces to accompany it. I must comment that I really enjoyed it.

Topmost image and video from McDonald’s Singapore.

#McDonald’s #Fast Food #New Product #Limited Time Promotion #Sweet Paprika Chicken Burger #Chicken Patty #Cajun Mayo #Lettuce #Glazed Buns #Spicy #Paprika #Crispy #Juicy #Twister Fries #Ice Lemon Tea #Video #Youtube #Food #Buffetlicious

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sibastiane · 5 months

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Indulge in the ultimate flavor fusion with Spicy Creamy Cajun Chicken Pasta. Succulent chicken, seasoned with Cajun spice, meets al dente pasta in a luscious creamy sauce. Sautéed peppers, onions, and garlic add depth, while cherry tomatoes provide a burst of freshness. This quick, vibrant dish promises a symphony of spicy, creamy, and savory notes in every delightful bite.

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dragonridernoobie · 4 months

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How UnderSwap Sans acts when they meet somone they like/love

Read first vvv

Ok, first things first, I DO NOT see this man as a baby, childish, or innocent.

I see him just as papyrus from Undertale but it's sans.

But he dose have his own personality.

My request are still open!!!

💫Friend Zone💫

When you guys meet it was when you both where at the store.

He asked you about healthy ingredients to use for his spaghetti.

You tell him and you guys talk about other things for hours.

To the point, his brother papyrus had to call him to ask him where he was.

Sans apologize for taking so much time and he gave you his number so you guys van continue to talk.

You guys meet up again at his house.

This is where you met his brother, and his brother was actually pretty chill with ya.

Tho he did make a hint that if you hurt his brother, you're dead.

You and sans make some food together and you show him some other healthy foods to make.

You bet that papyrus telaported away so he didn't have to eat healthy food.

You guys make a bunch of healthy foods like creamy Cajun chicken pasta.

You decede to have cooking days every Sunday.

He tells you his story of him in the royal guard.

You met alphys, and you guys hit it off.

💘Crush Faze💘

You went with him to alphys place for training.

You weren't into the training so you sat on the side and (read/write/draw/game/etc.).

Sans wasn't paying attention, and kept his eyes on you.

Alphys had to keep yelling him to focus, but this leaded her to figure out what was going on.

Oh boy, this made sans embarrassed when alpgys kept making fun of him and singing the k.i.s.s song.

He had to cover her mouth up, since he didn't want you to figure out he had feelings for ya.

Just seeing you on bench with the light shining on you made him weak to the knees.

I can see this sans being nervous around you.

He will probably try to make some jokes but when they don't land, he will say it was a joke.

He will make you're favorite foods if you ever come over for dinner.

Don't worry, his brother also made fun of him.

He will also teach you how to defend yourself a little bit.

He wants you safe.

💕Dating Faze💕

When he told you his feelings, he tried to keep calm when telling you.

He became a stuttering mess.

When you told him you returned his feelings, he was over the moon.

Expect this man to always be by you're side.

Alot of cuddles.

Alot of tacos.

His brother congrats you both and is happy for you both.

He always makes sure younare comfortable.

You guys go on dates every weekend.

He wants to treat you like the goddess you are.

He will always be there for you, and you will always be there for him.

You actually help him to settle down and sit down for more then 2 minutes.

He is Extremely romantic, always getting you flowers, chocolate and more.

Expect alot of kisses.

🚫NSWF Faze🚫

This man isn't really horny.

To get into the mode you will need to do a small push.

This man is a sub

He can be Dom, but he needs to be in heat.

He also dosent really have any kinks.

The most kinkist thing he is into is calling you mommy.

But in heat, expect bites and growls.

He is one of the skeletons I can see him I to building nest.

It's an instincts.

Almost all monsters has knots so this man has one.

He warned you beforehand, since he was scared that it would make you turn away, but you tell him you are fine with it.

His dick size isn't the biggest nor smallest.

He is normal sized.

His after care is God like.

He has everything ready to go after you guys had sex

He loves smelling his scent on you.

He loves you're scent on him.

This man will get physical to keep some creep off ya.

#underswap papyrus #underswap #underswap alphys #underswap sans #headcanon

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lifedeathtimespace · 5 months

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TADvent Day 8 - Food and Baking

@theamazingdevildiscord

TAD songs as food I've made this year (with no explanation):

Love Run (intro) - cornflake cakes

King - bacon and brown sugar chicken

Pruning Shears - raspberry marshmallows

Shower Day - brigadieros

Elsa's Song - honey garlic shrimp

Pray - birria tacos

Little Miss Why So - pavlova

New York Torch Song - Kolkata chilli chicken

Two Minutes - chocolate cherry cola cake

Not Yet/Love Run (reprise) - crispy garlic potatoes

The Rockrose and the Thistle - peppermint creams

The Horror and the Wild - frozen chocolate raspberry bites

Wild Blue Yonder - tostadas

Welly Boots - chicken tikka masala

Farewell Wanderlust - Italian sausage risotto

Fair - creamy cajun pasta

That Unwanted Animal - red velvet whoopie pies

Marbles - Lemon cupcakes

Battle Cries - homemade oven fish and chips

Secret Worlds - spicy bacon honey traybake

The Calling - key lime pie

Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious - roast chicken

Blossoms - hunter's chicken

Chords - iced spiced biscuits

The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace - cherry and almond loaf cake

Ruin - gingerbread biscuits

Inkpot Gods - cherry cheesecake brownies

#idk what this is #TADvent2023 #TADvent #the amazing devil #joey batey #madeleine hyland #song lyrics #tad #amazing devil #music #song analysis #the horror and the wild #love run #ruin

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pretty-princess-4ever · 8 months

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Low calorie food pt. 8 💘

Chocorite milk chocolate bar: 1 bar/115 calories

Quest protein loaded taco chips: 1 bag/140 calories

Chef boyardee mini spaghetti rings and meatballs: entire cup/220 calories

Jumbo Snax Cinnabon: 1 bag/50 calories

Bibigo steamed chicken and vegetables dumplings: entire tray plus sauce/275 calories

Fair life fat free milk: 1 cup/80 calories

Daring cajun chik’n: 9 pieces/130 calories

Four cheese mashed potatoes: entire cup/160 calories

Bagel bites cheese: 4 bagels/180 calories

Reduced sugar uncrustables: 1 sandwich/190 calories

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sanyu-thewitch05 · 7 months

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_Darling is attending a party with her hubby Luirik after the success of his latest book:

Woman: Your husband Luirik is such a kind and polite gentleman!

Darling: Yeah he is *sips champagne*

She left out the part where he would pin her against the bed and fuck her till she can't walk and call her his pretty slut. Which is exactly what they do after this, Luirik is just so big he can manhandle her easily,yes I made Luirik simply bcuz my size kink was acting up

Darling: Alright, Y/N...you can do this! Survive one author's party and you'll be good for the rest of the night.

Random Rich Woman: You must be Luirik's dear wife, Y/N! I've heard so much about you!

Darling: Really? *Glares at Luirik*

Rich Woman: Oh yes! All good things! Like how your taste in lingerie inspired his book The Fabric Binding Me To You. And how your taste in food inspired the main character for his chef and millionaire romance.

Darling: I had no idea Luirik had so many characters inspired by me...

Rich Woman: Your husband Luirik is such a kind and polite gentleman!

Darling: Yeah he is *sips champagne*

Luirik is staring at you with a lovesick face. The minute you step inside the house, you're both sloppily taking off your clothes and kissing each other. Luirik's dominant side completely takes over when he's drunk, and soon enough you're pinned to the bed again. Your scarlet cocktail dress in on the dress, and your shoes are laid out randomly across the floor.

"You better get ready for the best night of your life, princess," Luirik whispers, biting your ear.

"Oh, babe~" You moan, his voice sending vibrations down your body.

He holds your hands as he thrusts into you until he's came so many times his balls are hurting. Luirik and you are a sweating mess, and he collapses onto you. You both fall asleep, and when you wake up, Luirik is gone, but the smell of pancakes, fruit, and other breakfast foods is in the air.

"Luirik?" You question, sitting up.

"I am so sorry I skipped out on our aftercare routine after last night. I was so tired. I made you breakfast with your favorite foods and made you orange juice and apple juice. Also, on the napkin are your birth control pill and an emergency contraceptive pill," Luirik says, putting a tray on your lap.

"Oh, Luirik, you didn't have to do all that."

"Of course I did. You're my wife and you're the best."

"Aww!"

"You can decide breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert for as long as you want to. I'll even cook for you."

"Cajun baked chicken with rice and some of your homemade lemonade."

"Of course, my princess."

And so your lovely king treated you to food fit for a queen like you.

#asks #yandere author #sanyuthewitch05 #yandere writer

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ladykissingfish · 1 year

Note

What would be funny as a sequel to the tomato smoothie thing would be the akatsuki trying to set up a nice peaceful dinner for konan and Nagato but they just make it chaotic and catastrophic because they just can't behave

*Nagato and Konan walk into the dining room and pause in surprise; the table is set for two and there’s a fancy tablecloth and candles*

Konan: What is this?

Hidan: *pulling out her chair for her* We were thinking, you cook for us every fuckin’ night. But we don’t do shit for you. So me, red-eyes, mask-boy and blondie made dinner for you and bony-arms!

Nagato: While I don’t appreciate that name, I do appreciate this gesture. *sits across from Konan*

Konan: Oh, this is so lovely. And you made chicken Alfredo, my favorite!

Konan: *swirls fettuccine noodles on her fork and takes a bite; face turns red and she starts coughing*

Nagato: *jumps up and frantically claps her on the back* What’s in this?!

Deidara: Chili powder, cayenne pepper, paprika, Cajun seasoning …

Nagato: In an Alfredo sauce??

Hidan: Blonde-bitch wanted it to be spicy. Even though we ALL told him it was a fuckin’ stupid idea …

Deidara: Fuck you, you demonic asshole. Just because YOU can’t make anything but bland garbage doesn’t mean that —

Konan, after guzzling water: I’m sure you meant well. Er, there’s something about the sauce I can’t quite figure out.

Hidan: Ohhh, that. Well ideally you’re supposed to use heavy cream and shit, right? But we were out of that so -

Itachi: I improvised and used a mix of plain yogurt and milk instead. The milk was a teeny bit expired but only by five or so days.

Konan: I —

Tobi: Tobi made garlic bread, Konan and Leader!

Tobi: *brings out a loaf of white bread with a big clump of garlic cloves stuck in the middle*

Nagato: It’s … it’s lovely …

Deidara: Save room for dessert, hm! *brings out a 3-layer chocolate cake and sets it in middle of table* We worked extra hard on this!

Konan, surprised: Goodness, that looks absolutely amazing! It looks like it was made in a professional bakery! I can’t wait to —

Deidara: *raises two fingers* KATSU!!

*the cake explodes, covering everyone in a shower of chocolate*

Hidan: You stupid dick! We agreed no fucking explosives!!

Deidara: That cake wasn’t artistic without them!! Especially since Uchiha’s blind ass couldn’t read the recipe and put in 20 cups of sugar instead of 2!

Tobi: But the sugar made it tasty, Senpai! *switches to Obito voice* And I’ve already warned you not to talk about Itachi like that …

Hidan: What the hell are you gonna do, weirdo? Shove a dango stick in his eye?

*the four of them start yelling and throwing punches at each other*

Nagato:

Konan:

Konan: … pizza?

Nagato: Mm.

#thank you Anon 😊#the akatsuki #dinner #change their name to Chaos Incorporated #nagakona #brotp #Hidan x Deidara x Itachi x Tobi #🤍💛🍡🍡#❤️💙#ask #deidara #itachi uchiha #tobi #obito uchiha #hidan #nagato #konan

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