#circus to air missile

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

Mirror, Mirror

Astarion's a vampire spawn and hasn't seen his reflection in two hundred years. And suddenly, he's facing a doppelgänger – and is stunned.

Trigger warning: slight angst, the feels, fluff, canon-typical violence, character study, emotional rollercoaster, talking it out, no sex

I just wanted to write something sweet and wholesome, and finally address the missed opportunities in the game where Spawn!Astarion could comment on his look, or something could be done to show him how he looks like (e.g. the painter at Waukeen's Rest, the doppelgänger in Shar's Gauntlet, the marble statue that can be bought at the circus, missed opportunity to give a Bard-Tav the option to draw Astarion, or for Sorcerer/Wizard-Tav & Gale to cast mirror image for him, make Orin turn into him while he's there, for e.g. before fighting her in the Bhaal temple, and then he could comment on it after defeating her, etc.). C'mon, Larian! You're so detailed otherwise!

Also, it's my birthday month, so I decided to spoil you all with a couple more fics than usual. Enjoy :)

The air in the Gauntlet of Shar was cold and heavy, smelling nauseatingly strongly of frankincense. Astarion couldn't help but wrinkle his nose, willing himself consciously to stop breathing. Nevertheless, the smell of Shadowheart's blood wafted over to him as she let it drip into the offering bowl for her goddess.

Shar... Astarion snorted. He didn't understand the cleric's blind devotion to the Lady of Loss. No deity cares about lowly creatures like dwarves, elves, halflings, humans, and tieflings. All they do, is demand loyalty and sacrifices, but show neither help nor mercy in return.

Irritated, Astarion glared at Shadowheart again and then at Gale. The cleric with amnesia and the wizard with a magical time bomb stuck in his chest. Great. Just great. Where were their gods now?

The vampire spawn sneered at his own thought, instinctively baring his sharp fangs at imaginary enemies. Tav shot him a questioning look. He just shrugged with a blasé attitude. Still, Astarion followed her, Shadowheart, and Gale into the room to face the last of Shar's trials with them. As soon as they'd entered, iridescent clouds appeared in front of them and started taking shapes.

"Doppelgänger!" Tav shouted, raising her shortsword against her double.

Immediately, a fight broke out. The bard spewed vicious insults and attacked with her blade, while the wizard cast fireballs and magic missiles, and the cleric swung her mace. The vampire spawn, however, was frozen in place, staring at the pale elf in front of him.

That's me, he realised, almost shocked, as he kept staring in disbelief.

The man who faced him was lithe and slender, holding himself in an elegant but slightly haughty way, even in his battle stance. There was a mocking sneer on his oval face, pearly white fangs glinting in the sickening purple light. The ruby red eyes flashed with hatred and anger. The white curls were perfectly styled and beautifully settled around his face and pointy ears.

Scary, Astarion thought. Uninviting. But at the same time... tempting. Beautiful. Compelling. Irresistible.

He frowned. Did he really look like this? Were his smile lines really that prominent? Was he truly –

The vampire spawn's whirling thoughts came to an abrupt stop when his doppelgänger leapt forwards and buried the dagger in his chest. Astarion doubled over, gasping in pain and surprise, as he kept staring at his mirror image.

It had been two hundred years since he'd last seen himself. It had been so long, he'd forgotten how his own face looked like. He'd been longing for this moment.

"Astarion!" Tav cried from somewhere. He had no idea where she was, too disoriented by the pain and too distracted by his own image.

His doppelgänger smirked at him, twirling the dagger between the slender fingers. Show-off.

Gale appeared behind that thing that wore Astarion's face and hit it with a Shocking Grasp. The vampire spawn saw his own pretty face twist into a grimace before it dropped to its knees. Gale attempted another spell, taking a breath to cast it, when, suddenly, he gasped instead and almost keeled over.

"Gods!" he groaned as he pressed a hand to his chest. Bright purple light flashed between his fingers and Gale yelled, pained. Shar's dark chuckle echoed across the room, reminding them all that they're only allowed to attack their own doppelgänger and not those of others. And now, the wizard paid the price for his kind-heartedness. Astarion felt a bit bad for him.

The incident had shaken him out of his frozen position though, allowing the vampire spawn to smoothly slit his double's throat. The thing wearing his face disappeared and Astarion was almost sad about it. The sharp pain in his chest reminded him of the injury and he winced. Nevertheless, he turned to check on Gale. Tav kneeled next to the wizard, her hand pressed onto his chest. She was pacifying the orb with a magical artefact. Gale was breathing heavily, with a scrunched up face, clearly in pain and trying to regain mental calmness to keep that damn orb from erupting. Although it wasn't directed at him, Tav's gentle humming had a soothing effect on Astarion. The latter sighed and lifted his palm from the wound on his chest. Thanks to his vampiric traits, it had already started to heal. Astarion was still grateful that Shadowheart blessed him with a healing spell.

As they left the hall – Tav supporting Gale who's legs were still shaky – the vampire spawn said: "Thank you, Gale. For helping me. It was very... kind."

The addressed gave him a tired smile.

"You're welcome, Astarion. That's what companions are for."

"Right," the vampire spawn muttered. "Companions."

The word 'friends' hung in the air unspoken.

The group made their way back to camp. Nobody mentioned Astarion's unprofessional slip-up. They all knew why it had happened.

The vampire spawn spent the entire night trying to remember every single, little detail of that creature's – his – face. The memory was already slipping again and Astarion mourned the loss of it for the second time in his life.

It had been almost seven years since then, and much had changed.

The Shadow-Curse was lifted, Cazador was dead, and Astarion lived in Waterdeep with his wife – Tav – and his husband – Gale – and their dear friend Shadowheart – who's married to Tav –, working as a tailor.

Astarion was still a vampire spawn, but thanks to Tav's generous gift, a Sun-Walker ring, he wasn't restricted in his activities. The only thing was... He still had no reflection.

Sometimes, he longed to see himself in a mirror, longed for a bit of vanity bestowed by a mirror. But Astarion could manage. After more than two hundred years, he was a pro in styling himself blindly and without any help. He knew he was perfect – and eternally beautiful. Still... Some days, it just hit him and he felt melancholic. Today was one of those days.

Astarion sighed again as he stared into the mirror next to his work desk. No reflection. But the baby blue dress in his lap looked gorgeous, of course. The vampire spawn turned towards the approaching footsteps and shortly after, Gale appeared at the stairhead.

"Hello, darling." Astarion couldn't prevent the smile from spreading across his face. "Need something?"

The addressed chuckled, replying: "Shouldn't that be my line? I simply felt the need to check on you and to make sure you're alright. It's been hours since I've last seen you."

Astarion laughed and cooed teasingly. He adored this ridiculous, nerdy, infuriating wizard.

"Look at you! As soon as I'm busy for a few hours, you start to worry, but woe betide me for the same behaviour when it comes to you. Do you see the irony, darling?"

"Hm. Yes." Gale frowned. "I don't like it."

Astarion snickered gleefully and placed the dress he'd been working on on the table. He sauntered over to his husband now, hips swaying and predatory smile in place. He leaned in to steal a passionate kiss. Gale was more than willing to provide, sighing happily and running his fingers through the vampire spawn's hair. But when they parted, he frowned again.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Don't worry, darling."

"Your face tells a different story."

Astarion gasped in mock-offence.

"Don't you dare! My face is perfect!"

"Naturally, but you –"

"What's wrong with my face?!"

"Well, firstly, you –"

"No, don't tell me!" Astarion waved about with his hand hastily. "Just tell me I'm beautiful."

The wizard sighed deeply, but he complied.

"It's a good face. You're beautiful, Astarion. But you look sad. I'm not as well-versed at reading your body language as Tav, and without the mental tadpole-link connection or a 'Detect Thoughts' spell I'm hamstrung. I don’t know what’s wrong, and if you don't tell me, I can't help you and I don't know what to do." Gale looked at his lover beseechingly. "Please, Astarion, tell me what's on your mind and how I can help you."

The addressed stayed quiet for a while, then, he sighed.

"It's nothing really. It's... It's stupid."

"It can't be 'nothing' if it's on your mind for so long," Gale replied, ever helpful. It made Astarion smile and gave him the courage to finally tell the truth.

"I want to see my face. I miss my reflection."

"Oh." Gale blinked at him. "Why didn't you just say so? I can cast a mirror image for you immediately."

He raised his arms, the magic words already forming on his tongue.

"No!"

Astarion slapped a hand over the wizard's mouth and grabbed his arm with the other.

"I'm – I'm not ready yet. I – I'm scared" he admitted, ashamed.

Gale gently removed his husband's hand from his mouth and kissed his knuckles before letting go of it and asking: "Why are you scared?"

"What if –" Astarion huffed, irritated at himself. "What if I don't like what I see? What if the man in the mirror's nothing like I remember him? I'm undead for over two hundred years and I've changed. Not only to the better, I must admit. There's almost nothing left of Astarion Ancunin, Baldurian magistrate, and heir of the Ancunin family. I'm... different now."

He stared at the floor with tears of anger in the corners of his eyes.

"Astarion." Gale stroke a thumb across the elf's cheek. "My dear." The wizard smiled. "You're my husband and I dare to argue that I know you rather well. You're wonderful, Astarion. A good person with a kind heart –" The vampire spawn made a face at that and Gale chuckled before he continued. "– a gracious lover, an excellent husband, an elegant elf, and... a beautifully scary vampire."

"I'm a spawn," countered Astarion on autopilot and Gale chuckled again.

"Apologies, my dear. You're a beautifully scary vampire spawn. And I love you oh so much."

Astarion swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and blinked away the tears that threatened to spill over.

"I love you too," he croaked out.

The wizard brushed a white curl behind the elf's ear before kissing his forehead. The latter closed his eyes. He was still reeling from the fact that his spouses were so gentle with him. He'd been deprived from tenderness for so long that it had started to scare him. He's gotten better about that though.

Astarion opened his eyes, took a deep breath, and said: "I'm ready. Show me."

Gale gave him a nod and cast a mirror image. The vampire spawn gasped and stared. And stared and stared. So, that was him. Astarion. The pale elf. The free vampire spawn. Husband of Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep and Tav Sionnach. Fascinating.

Astarion circled around the image, taking everything in. It felt odd. Wrong somehow. He wrinkled his nose.

"Hm."

"What is it?"

"Oh, I don't know. It feels much less exciting than back at Shar's temple when we'd fought our doppelgänger. It's less of a shock too. And somehow –" Astarion turned around to look at Gale "– somehow, I don't feel the need to see myself anymore."

"Oh?" Gale looked surprised. "But I thought –"

"Yes, darling, me too. But it seems like it doesn't make me happier to be able to look at my face. After all –" The vampire spawn grinned, flashing all his teeth. " – I know I'm beautiful."

The wizard laughed, loud and genuine, and Astarion joined him. Gale's concentration waned and the mirror image disappeared. The vampire spawn wrapped his arms around his husband's neck and smiled.

"Thank you, my love. For indulging me."

"Always," answered the wizard truthfully.

Their kiss was sweet and slow. Something to savour and to remember. When they're resting their foreheads together, Astarion whispered: "Just be my mirror for me, will you?"

Smiling, Gale hummed.

"I will."

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #fanfic #astarion #astarion ancunin #gale #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #shadowheart #tav

[papasmoke]

what's the deal with mondale

Well, following his abysmal election results against Reagan in 84' Walter Mondale absconded to a decommissioned missile silo somewhere in rural northern Alaska to rebuild his power. From his concrete throne he built a web of spies and informants that penetrated deep into the superstructure of American politics, peddling favors and influence to the electorally desperate and blackmailing those too secure to need his help. Within 3 years his power over the machine was absolute and Reagan - the senile elderly circus monkey that had so recently bested him - came crawling on his hands and knees to Mondale's fortress, begging him to use his influence to help cut rich people's taxes one more time on old Ron's way out the door. He's acted as powerbroker and kingmaker ever since but - like Darth Nihilus in KOTOR 2 - Mondale's tremendous power slowly ate away at his flesh until all that remained was a suit of smiling skin filled with air and driven forward by hunger. Walter Mondale "died" on April 19, 2021 but the hunger remains.

[i-am-blue15]

Calamity Kids VS Kaiju

*(Pros)

-(Cons)

=(Equal)

*All the Calamity Kids will be at 50% power at the start but will go to 100 if they need to even the playing field.

-They all have a limited amount of time to defeat their opponents, so they must use it wisely.

Dipper & Mabel VS Destoroyah

*Destoroyah can split himself into smaller spider-like creatures.

*His Oxygen Destroyer Ray and Variable Slice can cut through nearly anything.

*Can absorb energy from his jaws or tail, replenishing and empowering himself.

-His stomach is the most vulnerable as a strong enough blow causes him to vomit blood.

-Is weak to extreme temperatures

×

*Mabel can create and command an army of battle plushies.

*She can create giant bubbles to trap and demobilize opponents.

*Dipper can generate different monster body parts like tentacles to aid him in enhancing physical strength.

*He can also create a long flaming sword that can nearly slice anything in two.

*Dipper and Mabel can create long-range attacks (Critical Rolls, Death Muffins, and Super Yarn Bomb) and summon kaiju-sized monsters (Enigmatic Beast and King Waddles).

-They must defeat Destoroyah as a team as just one of them on their own won't be enough.

Raz VS Spacegodzilla

*Can create and summon crystals from the ground and out of thin air.

*Has telekinetic abilities as he can fire his crystals at opponents like missiles and carry large objects with his mind.

*The ability to fly at high speeds.

*Can redirect his Corona Beam to hit his targets with his telekinesis.

*Can create a Photon Shield to defend himself.

*Can absorb different kinds of energy such as the crystals he produces to boost his powers.

-If any of the crystals in his body are damaged, he will weaken significantly.

-Isn't the best physical attacker and therefore relies heavily on his powers.

×

*Raz's psychic powers have drastically increased to the point he can telekinetically lift entire buildings and his psi-blasts can penetrate through nearly anything.

*Can produce about a hundred archetypes to overwhelm opponents and for a little more extra damage.

*Throws bad idea grenades.

*Can slow down time using Time Bubble.

*Raz can collect more psychic energy from psitanium or in this case, Spacegodzilla's crystals.

*With enough psychic energy, Raz can produce a colossal psychic titan like the one in the Meat Circus.

-Spacegodzilla can even absorb Raz's energy if he gets hold of him so he must keep his distance and strike at the right opportunity.

Lili VS Biollante

*Biollante can produce a drastic number of tendrils and vines for offense and defense.

*She can spew a highly corrosive acid that can melt flesh to the bone.

*Has an incredible rapid regeneration ability.

*Despite looking immobile, she is actually able to traverse thanks to the vine "legs" on her lower body.

*She can tunnel into the ground to gain more distance and perform ambush maneuvers.

-If she is damaged internally (especially if it's her glowing "heart"), it could be catastrophic for her.

-She requires water for her body to defend and regenerate itself, otherwise, she will be open to attacks.

×

*Lili's pyrokinesis has been enhanced to the point she can create a flaming storm of destruction.

*She can produce and control plant life to aid her in combat.

*Shoots projectile explosive seeds that detonate upon impact.

*If she builds up enough fury, her fire attacks greatly increase.

-Will have qualms about hurting a plant and since she has telepathy, can hear the thoughts of the human side of Biollante. (She was made from the DNA of the daughter of the scientist who created her.)

-If she releases her blue-flaming fury, she will have to go into cooldown and her firepower will decrease.

-Even though she's resistant to Biollante's acid, she can still feel a painful, burning sensation albeit briefly.

Norman VS Hedorah

*Hedorah can split itself into smaller Hedorahs to avoid certain attacks.

*Its sludge can be used to immobilize or burn victims.

*It's capable of flight.

*It produces toxic gas to suffocate or blind opponents.

*It can fire his Hedirum Ray from his eyes and cause painful burning.

*Its malleable body makes him impervious to physical attacks.

*It consumes pollution to grow and replenish itself.

-It requires moisture to function so anything like the power of electricity would cause it to dry out and be turned into ash.

×

*Norman can generate lightning to attack at a distance.

*He can summon hordes of hungry flying ghouls (big and small) to overwhelm his opponent.

*He can make himself non-corporeal like a ghost to evade attacks, this requires his full concentration.

*He can boost his energy by absorbing electricity from machines or in the sky.

*If he harnesses enough energy, Norman can take on the form of a large wraith, which also increases the power of his lightning.

-Though Hedorah's gas won't kill him as it would an average person, he could still be blinded and have difficulty breathing if he makes contact.

Neil VS Leatherback

*Leatherback has the strength to lift and hurl a whole Jaeger over some yards.

*It has tough plated skin that acts as armor so It can take a good amount of damage and won't falter.

*Fists are primary weapons and can tear through the armor of a Jaeger.

*Will resort to hit-and-run tactics and then perform an ambush attack on the opponent.

-Unfortunately, its EMP-like organ won't be effective against this opponent.

-Its belly is soft compared to the rest of the body and can be considered a weak point.

×

*Neil's durability has increased so much that a falling building would barely leave a scratch.

*With enough harnessed energy, Neil can create an extra pair of large arms that can restrain the kaiju or send it flying with a single punch.

*He can generate a shield made from his energy for extra defense.

*if he punches the ground, spiked rocks would shoot out like the Pokémon move Stone Edge along with causing a small earthquake.

=He is just as agile with his attacks compared to Leatherback.

-Would be at a disadvantage if they take this fight underwater and have to rely on his defenses until he can escape and resurface.

Coraline VS Rodan (Monsterverse)

*Rodan is capable of performing devastating aerial maneuvers such as barrel-rolling or sonic booms by clapping his wings together.

*He is extremely durable and resistant to intense heat thanks to his bio-volcanic nature.

*Can ambush his opponents by hiding in the clouds.

*Uses a charging attack by swooping in with his beak or talons which triggers an explosion upon impact.

-Though he is durable, Rodan can still be impaled in the case of Mothra stabbing him with her stinger.

×

=Coraline matches Rodan in terms of speed.

*however, she has the edge in agility such as maneuvering from one angle to another in the blink of an eye like a dragonfly.

*She can fire homing shots at her opponent, particularly aiming for vulnerable spots like the eyes or inside the mouth.

*Coraline can generate lightsabers that can slice and pierce through virtually anything if she gathers enough energy.

*By rotating in wagon wheel fashion, her ponytail made of energy can function like a circler saw, carving through whatever's in her path.

*If she can pick up enough speed, Coraline can cause a devastating sonic blow upon impact against her opponent.

-Though durable, Coraline can still get temporarily knocked out if she takes the hit from Rodan's sonic booms and exploding charges.

Wybie VS Mechagodzilla (Monsterverse)

*Mechagodzilla is armed to the teeth with different artillery such as missiles, plasma punches, spinning blades at the tip of its tail and even grinding saws in it's hands and mouth.

*It's also equipped with jet boosters to enhance its agility and the power of its blows.

*Its Proton Scream can cut through buildings and even rival Godzilla's Atomic Breath.

*Its armor is highly durable against most attacks unless that attack is powered with some kind of powerful energy like Kong's axe when it absorbed Godzilla's Atomic Breath.

-If its link with Ghidorah's skull is tampered with, it will glitch out momentarily.

×

*Wybie can create whatever machine, weapon, vehicle, or tool he can think of out of his energy.

*He can arm himself with four or more robotic claws like the ones Dr. Octopus has to restrain or defend against his opponent.

*For a boost of speed, he can generate a powerful rocket-booster pack.

*Wybie has the power to manipulate and control electronics or machinery in the area.

-He can only take minimal control of Mechagodzllla such as holding it in place or using its limbs or tail against it.

-He, unfortunately, has lower defense so a Proton Scream could cost him a great deal of damage if he's not careful.

#mystery kids #calamity kids #calamity powers #gravity falls #dipper pines #mabel pines #psychonauts #raz #razputin aquato #lili zanotto #coraline #coraline jones #wybie lovat #paranorman #norman babcock #neil downe #kaiju #destoroyah #space godzilla #biollante #hedorah #pacific rim #rodan #mechagodzilla #monsterverse

[kandadara]

Phantasmagoria Chapter 1: Paradox of Loneliness

Story: Phantasmagoria

Fandom: Diabolik Lovers and Monster High

Pairing: Laito Sakamaki x Twyla Boogeyman

Rating: M for later chapters considering the controversial and mature themes DL has, plus Laito being Laito. Warnings will be in the author's note.

Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: For whatever reason, we often put up a façade in front of the world, forgetting how to live sincerely. When your sense of self is lost, everything becomes distorted. Two souls, polar opposites at first glance, become entangled in ways they never thought possible, the lines between illusion and reality become blurred. Seeking love and understanding, are they so different?

I decided to post this on Tumblr as well, but I'll leave the alternate links if you want to check them out

Links:

Fanfiction

Archives of Our Own

Wattpad

Chapter 1: Paradox of Loneliness 

Why do people desire to be the center stage in the limelight with everyone’s eyes upon them, desperate to be idolized by strangers? Abandoning their identity, performing a dog and pony show for society’s acceptance, including tricks and impossible tasks to fit in. Living in this world of charlatan conjecture with the hollowness of bamboo during the monsoon seasons, with no roots it blows away in the wind. Why do we do this? 

 The notion of people crowding around me, as if I’m a spectacle at the circus, a marvel at a freakshow. Every minuscule move under a microscope, the feeling of being trapped under a glass slide, my every flaw under suffocating scrutiny of prying eyes. Leaving me vulnerable and exposed, they can’t ever know me, nor will they put in an effort to empathize. 

I’ve always lurked in the shadows; the darkness protected me like a blanket from the glaring eyes of judgement invading my solace of solitude. Foreboding dread and foreshadowed trepidation, board into my emptiness and shattering my psyche like a homing missile through a warzone. Since childhood, this way brought me a satisfied contentment, resting on the warm bosom of a sustained hearth. Like a turtle in their shell, impervious to pain, I am immune from the harsh reality of existence.  

Observing in the sidelines, seeing the unseen, holding a secret longing to comprehend someone’s inner world. These taboo things, keeping those skeletons in my closest under lock and key, bolted shut, and wrapped in chains forever. Everything that I am, no one can ever know.  

Deep down, could that be why I feel such a hollow loneliness?    

The sky was clear, the waning crescent moon hung low, and the stars twinkled faintly. Darkness engulfed everything in sight, silencing the harshness of the day, the shadows brought a sense of serenity. The horizon seemingly stretched endlessly; the distance insurmountable. The unknown that lies beyond, infinite possibilities, and yet, such discoveries will never be reached. 

The late autumn air was chilly, but still carried a gentle breeze. Animals already harvested their storage for the winter in their burrows, the leaves in varying shades of red, yellow, orange, and brown long since fallen. The winter drew closer, soon shadows will reach their peak and the world transitions into a state of hibernation. Taking the time to slumber away, replenishing themselves, but true appreciation remains a rarity.  

Times for introspection, these things that hold such beauty, each vital in purpose to be thankful for, yet taken for granted. In that regard, night and winter were kindred spirits, often overlooked in contrast to day and summer. The law of nature, the cycle of life and death repeats, waxing and waning, just as there are seasons and phases of the moon. A strange poetry, Twyla found it hauntingly beautiful, the concept of duality, two sides of the same coin, each dependent on the other. The snakes forever eating their own tail, coming and going, yes, it is Ouroboros. 

Always trying to seek deeper meaning, Twyla found herself wondering what her purpose was, a melancholic feeling looming over her. Time passes by, ever flowing, yet she drifts along, merely existing. She wondered why that was so, trying to understand her own rationale. 

Could it be she felt ungrateful? She pondered that possibility, there was plenty she should be thankful for. She had parents who cared about her and loved her, even if at times they weren’t on the same page. Even though they were few, she had genuine friends who loved and accepted her, even if they sometimes had their differences. In the end, quality was better than quantity. She had family and friends, such blessings that many take for granted, but not everyone has the luxury of obtaining. They would always hold a special place in her heart, those bonds were something she treasured. And yet, she still felt as if something was amiss in her life. 

Maybe it was a different reason? Was there anyone who truly understood her? Logically, she knew unconditional understanding and acceptance was impossible, yet emotionally she craved it, her greatest fantasy. She didn’t desire popularity whatsoever; in fact, the idea frightened her. For someone to know her sincerest self, a mix of fear and yearning, it was a paradox. Seeking to be known, to be understood; for her to wonder such things, such a desire surprised her. Did anyone know it? 

Is there anyone who truly knows me? 

This feeling, it was such a rarity for her that it almost felt surreal. Ever since she was a child, she was perfectly content with solitude, even craved it. Her kind as a whole were known for being reclusive and as a boogeyman, a shadow being, Twyla spent all her life in the shadows, darkness was her sanctuary. She found relief in it, hiding away from those secrets she wanted to conceal. And yet, on this particular night, why is she contemplating these self-contradictory feelings? 

Why is it I feel such a hollow loneliness? 

Wasn’t such a sentiment more typical for Howleen? Despite being best friends, in that regard, Howleen and Twyla were polar opposites. She could remember vividly the times Howleen grew desperate to become popular and the chaos that ensued after.  

It was the first day of the new school year and Howleen was plotting a way to make herself become known. Out of all the hair brained schemes in her attempts to become popular, building a billboard showcasing her name in lights was a top contender. 

Twyla observed Howleen hammering away, fiercely determined to make a name for herself and finally be out of her sibling’s shadows. She tried to reason with her, but to no avail, the young werewolf was hellbent on this. Twyla didn’t foresee this ending well, every possible scenario of Howleen’s plan backfiring bombarded her mind all at once. She commented, tone slightly sardonic, “I’d like to go on record saying that this is a bad idea.” 

“Noted.” Howleen replied, ignoring her warnings and continued on. She had a dreamy expression on her face, as if she was envisioning when she would finally have a limelight of her own. She truly seemed to believe nothing could go wrong. 

Why was Howleen so obsessed with becoming popular? Weren’t connections like that typically shallow? Wasn’t popularity fleeting? Why must everyone know her name? Twyla couldn’t understand it at all, even though she tried. She spoke again, “You don’t need to do this to get everyone’s attention.” 

Howleen turned to face her, giving a small chuckle, "Um, hanging in the shadows has messed with your vision Twyla.” Her face fell as she dropped the hammer, her tone becoming dejected, “Nobody knows who I am.” 

Twyla shrugged; the logic confounded her. “Uh...Sure they do.” What was Howleen even going on about? Outside of Twyla, Howleen had plenty of friends and acquaintances, so why couldn’t she be satisfied with that? Why did Howleen feel so lonely? 

“Yeah, they know me as Clawd and Clawdeen’s annoying little sister.” She gave a sigh before picking up the bulk of cables, “Nobody knows me for me...” As if she was struck by inspiration, a wave of excitement seemed to wash over her. She smiled, ever so optimistic, “But that’s all going to change after I pull this off! I’m going to be big time!” 

Howleen began walking to the outlet, Twyla following behind her, questioning her, hesitancy evident in her voice, “And that’s what you want...?” 

Howleen answered her question with a question, as if she believed it to be some universal truth, “Who doesn’t?” 

“Me...” Twyla murmured, the very thought making her cringe in revulsion. In her mind, the less people to know her, the better. In fact, there were times she wished to stay in the shadows eternally. Such a way was just how she liked it. 

Howleen chuckled as she placed the cables on the ground, before playfully quipping back, “Well, you, my testy bestie, are a better monster than me.” She turned to face the boogey girl again, an eagerness overtaking her, “Now please, will you help me?” 

Twyla finally relented; these attempts were in vain. She simply replied, uneasy, “I’ll see you in class....” She began walking away but stopped for a moment and turned to face her best friend a final time, then added, “And for what it’s worth, you don’t need to be popular, Howleen.” She gave a small, gentle smile, “The monsters that matter already know how awesome you are.” 

With that, she walked away, firmly believing those words. Howleen was a great person, Twyla wished she could see that, it saddened her that she couldn’t. 

From what she was told, Howleen’s plan went up in sparks and flames, quite literally, resulting in Howleen, Clawdeen, and some of their other friends getting detention as a result. As punishment, they all had to help clean the attic, which had many artifacts. Howleen stumbled across a strange lantern, inside housing a genie, who could grant her 13 wishes. Naturally, Howleen was ecstatic, but Twyla remained wary. Straight away, she felt something different in the shadows, as if something was lurking within it. Within a short time, things took a bad turn, Howleen’s wishes went awry and slowly became corrupted by the one known as the Shadow Genie. Howleen nearly lost herself, which saddened Twyla greatly. Luckily, with the help of Clawdeen, her friends, and Twyla herself, they were able to save Howleen and repair the damage done. In the end, everything worked out for the best, Gigi Grant, the genie who granted her wishes was able to stay at Monster High and Wisp, the Shadow Genie, was able to become the genie as she wanted. Looking back on those days, while in reality it only spanned a few days, those days felt like an eternity to Twyla. That was probably the last time she felt lonely. 

For Howleen, those events taught her invaluable lessons. She still was very much someone who sought out the limelight but has mellowed out some regarding it. Perhaps even among a sea of friends, family, or fame, someone could still feel lonely. In the end, being acknowledged and accepted were things most wanted to some extent, especially by those they regard as close or special. 

What does it mean to regard someone as special...? Such a loaded philosophical question, as of late she wondered what it was she was seeking the answer to, a strange uncertainty plagued her.  

She felt something nuzzle at her hand, causing her to come to. It was her pet dust bunny, Dustin, a lavender rabbit with green eyes snuggling up against her. She found him one day blowing in the wind all by his lonesome, immediately taking a liking each other and adopted him. He was a highlight of her day, ready to greet her whenever she returned home from school and cuddling next to her at night, she adored him for it. She stroked him gently, seemingly bringing him comfort, secretly hoping that even for a little while, her loneliness could be quelled even slightly. 

What am I doing...? She thought, barely comprehending it. Was she losing sight of herself and what was most important things? These little things, she had to cherish them, no matter what. She shouldn’t wish for anything beyond that, feeling a sense of guilt and a wistful heartache in her chest as she did so. 

And yet, why am I thinking about these things...?  

She heaved a soft sigh, there was no use dwelling on it. Maybe in the realm of her dreams, a sign would manifest itself to her. Patience was said to be the key, good things happen to those who wait, or so she had been told. Yes, she wanted to believe that. 

It was another day at Monster High, a place of diversity where all were accepted, regardless of their origins or appearance. A vision Headmistress Bloodgood held that one day all monsters and humans lived in harmony, she was slowly but surely making strides towards helping others unlearn the several millennia of toxic mindsets. In her time at Monster High, Twyla witnessed many fantastical sights. 

Twyla found a comfort in this simplistic contentment, a beauty in these carefree days. Even if some complained such days were mundane, Twyla relished in it. Here, a safe haven for everyone to embrace their freaky flaws, she couldn't imagine it any other way. Even if they were like her. 

  Like her... 

A simple wish, a world of love and acceptance, she longed for it too. Even if it takes an eternity and she will have long since passed on, she hoped one day it would happen. Even if she was a hopeless idealist, she wouldn’t ever lose sight of that dream. 

She made her way to her favorite class, Psychology. A subject she found very fascinating, learning about humans’ and monsters' inner workings alike, and the psyche itself. She wanted to understand it all, the complex motivations of others, the morality spectrum, and the reason why behind it all. Sometimes knowing that there was still good in the world helped her sleep at night. 

She thought of her own motivations, feeling a twinge of sadness as she did so. Unfortunately, whether it was human or monster, despite her desire to help them, she was never understood. No matter how much she wanted to convey her truth, she was forever like a shy little ghost, hiding away. 

Was it better that way? 

  She took a seat, lost in her own little world, unaware of how much time passed by. 

  "Hey there, is this seat taken?" Came a soft, yet cheerful voice, snapping her out of her thoughts. In that instant, she felt her heart thump painfully in her chest. 

She turned her head to see a boy whom she’s never seen before. The first thing she took notice of was how handsome he was, a blush creeping across her face as she looked him up and down. He was slightly on the taller and thinner side with fair skin. His clothing choice was interesting, seeming to prefer layering, he sported a white oxford shirt with a red tie around the collar, black and yellow striped sweater, a blue hoodie, and red capri pants. His shoulder length messy hair was the color of rust with a subtle golden ombre at the tips and he topped it with a black fedora hat with a red ribbon. His eyes were an emerald shade of green that held a mischievous glint and a playful smirk, she also noted a small mole on the right side of his chin. To say he was attractive was an understatement. For a moment, it seemed all her senses escaped her, time at a standstill. She was spellbound. 

From what she could tell, he seemed to be a vampire. His vibe certainly was a charismatic one, a confident and carefree air about him. He had a mix of both allure and danger, much like a siren’s call. A shadowed temptation. 

And yet, she sensed something even beyond that, a sort of darkness. Sadness? Loneliness? Anger? Trauma? Or something else entirely? Or was it a combination of those and more? She wasn’t sure how she knew, but there was definitely more to him than what he projected externally. But she didn’t dare say a word, fearing speaking out of turn; she didn’t have the right to pry into his personal business like that. 

  "Hm?" He made a noise, jolting her out of her trance. "What are you staring at?" He teased; clearly amused. 

  "N-Nothing!" She spluttered out, feeling her face heat up even more. "Y-You can sit here if you want to..." 

  He did just that. 

  What was happening to her? She's never gotten so flustered over a guy before, this was the first time someone's caught her attention in this way. What was it about him that made her so nervous? This guy was something else. 

  How she wished she could just disappear right now. 

  He observed the shy girl in her entirety. Something about her seemed to intrigue him, though he couldn’t quite place it. She seemed almost familiar, too, somehow. Just who or what was this girl?  

An understated girl, he got the impression she was a wallflower type that hides in the shadows, often overlooked by others. Ever so unassuming, the type of girl to shy away from attention, more than happy with staying in the background. He noted the way she retreated into herself, the way she nervously fidgeted with her clothing, and the way she coyly attempted to hide herself from his gaze; he noticed it all. Extremely flustered and blushing fiercely by his proximity, her expression was akin to a deer caught in the headlights. 

  She was certainly a pretty girl; her features were rounder and softer, with fairly prominent curves in all the right places, even if she tried to hide them. Her skin was predominantly a fair lilac shade, but her limbs had darker gray on them, swirling up her body like a shadowy mist. Her clothing choice was a modest one, comprising of the colors mint green, blurple, and black. The motifs she sported were interesting, which seemed to be dust, locks, keys, smoke, shadows, spiders, and dream catchers, though he despised creepy crawlies. Her hair was also unique, mint green locks with streaks of blue and purple that reached to her hips, he always loved the color green. But most of all, those violet and doe-eyed innocence eyes of hers were what fascinated him the most. 

There’s an old saying that the eyes are the window to the soul, one could tell their inner world by looking in their eyes if they sincerely looked for it. In this moment, she was as transparent as water to him, as if her soul was laid bare to him. 

She seemed pure of heart, or at least that was the image she wanted to project. While he could easily say that about nearly everyone in this place, especially compared to him, but she was on another level. She held an innocence and naivety so prominent that it was almost saccharine. He wondered if she even understood concepts such as depravity or corruption, but he found the chance to be highly unlikely. 

Purity, he thought with contempt, it's such a crock of bullshit. 

He wasn't sure why he and his brothers were even sent to a place like this, just what was his tyrant of a father planning? This place, an idealist's dream of one day of bringing all monsters and humans together, he felt it was a fool's dream, such a thing was impossible. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the school bell, it was time for him to start his first class on the first day. He couldn’t help but wonder what his time here would hold for him, and whether or not he’d find some quality entertainment. 

Purity, it had always been a farce to me. Why is it that people suppress their true desires? Why is it people try to live correctly by societies standards when inside they’re miserable? Wouldn’t setting yourself free, letting go your inhibitions, and succumbing to pleasure be the better thing? If I just indulge in those carnal desires, forever chasing euphoric lust, I’ll be able to drown out everything else. Repressing your true self, a mask so laughable, in the end it will only hurt you. 

But what does it mean to truly be yourself? Searching for sincerity, the answer always eludes me, just slipping beyond my reach. Disillusioned by this world of facades, putting on a happy face or tough front just seems to be the easier choice. Could it be better this way, to not wonder about the impossible? No, being true to yourself is a fallacy. 

Just as love is a duplicity, in the end it’s all inconsequential because truth doesn’t exist. No one has ever been saved by their belief...

#diabolik lovers #monster high #crossover #anime #manga #my writing #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #fic #ao3 #archive of our own #ffnet #fanfiction dot net #wattpad #fanfic writing #laito sakamaki #twyla boogieman #laito x twyla #raito sakamaki #twyla #laito #dialovers #diahell #diabolik boys #phantasmagoria #monster high x diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers x monster high #diaboys #sakamaki brothers

[owlixx]

Kirby Copy Ability Thoughts

Animal - Pretty cute, useful for digging, decent in combat, would love to see it come back

Archer - Perfect, wonderful, amazing. Love varied movesets.

Backdrop - Great when merged with fighter later

Ball - I hate this one, yet I would love to see it return

Beam - A classic, prefer it when it has a more diverse moveset. Love the dash air attack and the infinite air spin

Beetle - One of my favs, super fun and fluid to use

Bell - Again, slept on, really enjoy the dash attack and the look

Bomb - I always avoid this one, it just feels very plain jane to me

Bubble - Gets a little overwhelming to have to manage all the bubbled abilities, but genuinely interesting. Would love to see a way for it to return.

Burning - Great when it becomes merged with fire later

Circus - Not a huge fan of this one, doesn't feel like I am in control

Cleaning - Interesting how it is worthless for Kirby but good for his friends, and love that Star Allies uses it to reference those games

Cook/Crash/etc. - I barely ever use these unless they are obviously offered right before a boss fight

Copy - Such a funny one. Niche, but I wouldn't mind seeing it return. The Tac is such an iconic enemy too

Cupid - bring him back! Feels like a downgraded UFO, which I like. More abilities like this that really change the way Kirby moves, for better or worse

Cutter - A classic, maybe my favorite of the core abilities. Great for bosses once you can aim and charge it.

Doctor - Not a huge fan. Cute theming but feels like it lacks a gameplay purpose

ESP - Good on the mech for that one double boss fight, but otherwise cute theming and underwhelming power.

Fighter - Love to see it every time. The original varied moveset. Lost a bit of its uniqueness as other abilities also gained varied movesets but its always fun to see the flashy animations

Fire - Very reliable, love it for safely bashing bosses. Love the fire dash, love the flame wheel drop in Triple Deluxe

Freeze/Ice - I miss when he would turn blue for this one but the Parka is cute too! Love the ice blocks, the air attack, and most of all the iceball roll from Return to Dream Land. Always a fun and cute one.

Ghost - Never unlocked it but seems odd

Hammer - I mean, the king of weapon abilities. Always try to hold it as long as possible. Great for bosses. Love the dash air attack

Jet - Love using this in enviroments designed for it, fun that it turns the mech into a shmup

Laser - Really like this one for unique puzzle solving but less so for boss fights. Bring it back! I'd love to see this mix with other powers or an Ultra/upgraded version too

Leaf - A little underwhelming for such a late addition, but I really like this one for hitting aerial enemies. Feels situational. Bring it back.

Light - LOL I forgot about this one, its funny. Bring it back for the lolz

Magic - Enjoyed this in Squeak Squad, felt wacky but usable. Bring it back.

Metal - Superior to stone in every way (except cute references). Bring it back NOW

Mike - I never use this but I think it is funny that the mech version isn't single use

Mirror - THE GOAT, my all time favorite copy ability. Useful for all occasions, especially when they add the pillar attack. Only reason to leave it out of a Kirby game is to give the other abilities a fighting chance for my attention

Missile - I like that it is hard to use. Bring it back

Needle - Sucked until you could shoot the spines.

Ninja - Never connected with this one much despite its ubiquity

Parasol - A bit situational, but a reliable one that ages well as the moveset grows

Plasma/Spark - Was never a huge fan of these until I learned their boss-killing potential late into Return to Dreamland, but I still hate wiggling the stick. RtDL helped by allowing motion control for charing up

Poison - Not bad, its cute, great for boss killing, deserves to return

Sleep - I like there being one bad ability

Spear - Really like this one being included as bandana's weapon!

Stone - Actually never liked this one, maybe it got a better moveset at some point that I never picked up on

Suplex/Throw - Great but prefer when merged with Fighter

Sword - Not really a huge fan except for the dash aerial or mixing with elements or underwater

Tornado - Great for bosses, great for levels. Love its power being counter balanced by its difficulty of use

UFO - I never understood why this is such a rare ability when it seems like it just slows you down

Water - This one seems like it should've been included sooner. Love the dash attack

Wheel - Adore this one, always improves a game by being present. Lends itself to unique platforming level design. Great when you can ride an ally. Hate the mech suit version though

Whip - Never connected with this one, seems like it doesn't do enough damage to be worth using on bosses but isn't mobile enough for level clearing

Wing - Really enjoy this one, I love any ability that changes Kirby's movement options

Yo-Yo - So rare that it really reminds me of Super Star, and I love Gim's design. Really glad this one is in Star Allies.

Overall, I basically just like the abilities in Super Star especially since Mirror and Yo-Yo are two of my favorites. But I also really like Archer, Beetle, and Bell introduced in Triple Deluxe. Shout out to Return to Dream Land too though for Spear and Water. And the last shout out goes to Squeak Squad for having the guts to replace Stone with Metal.

#kirby #nintendo #gaming #retro gaming #kirby super star

[kashacreates]

Introducing Bravo

Stats:

Name: Bravo

Serial Number: B93

Gender/Pronouns: Trans Female She/Her

Height:  6ft 2in

Species: Unmodified Delphtean

Sexuality: ?* It’s nuanced

Romance: ?* More nuance

Birthday: Oct. 30

Age: 50s

Occupation: Bravo has held a few jobs in her life: ringmaster, badass leader of a highly specialized cover forces unit for purposes of getting rare materials for the Delphtean Kingdom, public figure, hero, role model, and overall exceptionally famous.  

She was never interested in being a princess.  So when she was old enough to declare her passions, she jumped into the circus and started as a trapeze artist.  Eventually due to her strong voice (and a little bit of her inherent fame due to her parents), she got promoted to ringmaster.  This was where she met Dozer and Nightstalker: a lesbian pair consisting of a Delphtean cannon ball and a magician/tight rope walker. 

When times grew tight for the Kingdom due to some interspecies and interplanetary conflict, the circus was contacted for recruits and Bravo, Nightstalker, and Dozer volunteered.  Bravo was given the leadership role to fill the rest of the positions of the squad. 

The squad consisted of: 

Bravo - Leader, wingsuiter, and general badass Nightstalker - Helicopter and small-craft pilot Dozer - Frontlines and AI specialist Several unnamed but dead members that have cycled in and out over the years. Foxtrot Uniform (Original) - Mad scientist, surgeon, and medic (in that order) KaBoom - Explosives Expert TZ - Penetration specialist and hacker. 

Their job was to bust into bunkers and stockpiles of enemy encampments to steal as many resources as possible to help the Kingdom thrive and also help their allies gain an upper hand.  And they were a massive success!

This is where Bravo gets her distinctive scars (and same with most of the others with the exception of TZ).  On mission, she caught a missile mid-air to save Nightstalker. 

However, eventually, the Bravo squad failed a mission leaving only herself and TZ.  Bravo, in the moment, disappears and is believed dead for 4 years. She doesn’t have a real occupation beyond being a public nuisance. 

Weapons:  Fists, hookshot, pistol, unending apathetic rage

Personality:  Bravo struggles to feel close with others and has always done so since she was a baby.  For a large portion of her life she was able to mask with enough bravado and self-importance to fit the roles placed on her shoulders.  Lately, she’s too burnt out, tired, angry, and suspicious to pretend anymore. Befriending her is like befriending a feral cat- a process of patience that might get you bit and scratched.  She also has a tendency to take things too far- tell her about someone who’s bothering you and now you’re 1. adopted and 2. the other person is definitely going to regret their decision to bother you.  However, if you cross her, you might as well be dead to her.. or at least wish you were dead to her.  Internally, the grief has consumed her and she is struggling to figure out anything that makes her feel anything.  

Bravo is intensely sentimental- to the point that she advocated for her crew to end up in the memory bank and purposefully selected TZ as he was the last survivor of his product line. (And she views him as a son)

But she’ll never admit it. 

#MerMay #Bravo #original character #original species #death mention #alcohol cw #cigarette cw #However she's always depicted smoking holocigs because current FU gets on her case if she smokes regular cigs. #They're intensely bad for the gills.

[brookstonalmanac]

Events 12.17 (after 1940)

1943 – All Chinese are again permitted to become citizens of the United States upon the repeal of the Act of 1882 and the introduction of the Magnuson Act. 1944 – World War II: Battle of the Bulge: Malmedy massacre: American 285th Field Artillery Observation Battalion POWs are shot by Waffen-SS Kampfgruppe Joachim Peiper. 1945 – Kurdistan flag day, the flag of Kurdistan was raised for the first time in Mahabad in eastern Kurdistan (Iran). 1947 – First flight of the Boeing B-47 Stratojet strategic bomber. 1948 – The Finnish Security Police is established to remove communist leadership from its predecessor, the State Police. 1950 – The F-86 Sabre's first mission over Korea. 1951 – The American Civil Rights Congress delivers "We Charge Genocide" to the United Nations. 1957 – The United States successfully launches the first Atlas intercontinental ballistic missile at Cape Canaveral, Florida. 1960 – Troops loyal to Emperor Haile Selassie in Ethiopia crush the coup that began December 13, returning power to their leader upon his return from Brazil. Haile Selassie absolves his son of any guilt. 1960 – Munich C-131 crash: Twenty passengers and crew on board as well as 32 people on the ground are killed. 1961 – Niterói circus fire: Fire breaks out during a performance by the Gran Circus Norte-Americano in the city of Niterói, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, killing more than 500. 1967 – Harold Holt, Prime Minister of Australia, disappears while swimming near Portsea, Victoria, and is presumed drowned. 1969 – Project Blue Book: The United States Air Force closes its study of UFOs. 1970 – Polish protests: In Gdynia, soldiers fire at workers emerging from trains, killing dozens. 1973 – Thirty passengers are killed in an attack by Palestinian terrorists on Rome's Leonardo da Vinci–Fiumicino Airport. 1981 – American Brigadier General James L. Dozier is abducted by the Red Brigades in Verona, Italy. 1983 – Provisional IRA members detonate a car bomb at Harrods Department Store in London. Three police officers and three civilians are killed. 1989 – Romanian Revolution: Protests continue in Timișoara, Romania, with rioters breaking into the Romanian Communist Party's District Committee building and attempting to set it on fire. 1989 – Fernando Collor de Mello defeats Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva in the second round of the Brazilian presidential election, becoming the first democratically elected President in almost 30 years. 1989 – The Simpsons premieres on television with the episode "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire". 1997 – Peruvian internal conflict: 14 members of the Túpac Amaru Revolutionary Movement provoke a hostage crisis by taking over the Japanese embassy in Lima. 1997 – Aerosvit Flight 241: A Yakovlev Yak-42 crashes into the Pierian Mountains near Thessaloniki Airport in Thessaloniki, Greece, killing all 70 people on board. 2002 – Second Congo War: The Congolese parties of the Inter Congolese Dialogue sign a peace accord which makes provision for transitional governance and legislative and presidential elections within two years. 2003 – The Soham murder trial ends at the Old Bailey in London, with Ian Huntley found guilty of two counts of murder. His girlfriend, Maxine Carr, is found guilty of perverting the course of justice. 2003 – SpaceShipOne, piloted by Brian Binnie, makes its first powered and first supersonic flight. 2003 – Sex work rights activists establish December 17 (or "D17") as International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers to memorialize victims of a serial killer who targeted prostitutes, and highlight State violence against sex workers by police and others. 2005 – Anti-World Trade Organization protesters riot in Wan Chai, Hong Kong. 2005 – Jigme Singye Wangchuck abdicates the throne as King of Bhutan. 2009 – MV Danny F II sinks off the coast of Lebanon, resulting in the deaths of 44 people and over 28,000 animals. 2014 – The United States and Cuba re-establish diplomatic relations after severing them in 1961.

#Events

[tastydregs]

The Slatest Jun 7: Wow, Jack Smith Has Been Busy Lately!

It’s more fun via email (promise). This article first appeared in our Slatest evening newsletter, which seeks to surface the best pieces published across Slate’s digital and audio journalism. We publish it there to help you cut to the chase at the end of each day. To get it in your inbox, along with more of the best work we published that day, sign up below.

Special prosecutor Jack Smith seems to be nearing the finish line on his two federal probes into Trump’s alleged misconduct—one looking at his mishandling of classified documents, the other at potential 2020 election interference. And as Smith wraps up, there’s been a whole slew of stories coming out with details on what his team has been looking at in its investigation. Having a hard time keeping track? Shirin Ali has a guide to the latest developments.

Plus: Trump’s response to Alvin Bragg’s indictment tells us something about how he’ll probably respond to other indictments in the future, Norman L. Eisen and Trevor W. Morrison write.

Hope for debt relief?

Later this month, the Supreme Court will issue its decision on whether the Biden administration’s student debt relief program can go forward. But Congress just upended the legal case against relief, Alex Rowell argues.

Plus: To push back against the Supreme Court’s dysfunction, liberals have to realize something that conservatives figured out a long time ago, Michael Waldman says. He spoke to Dahlia Lithwick about the growing need for reform, and how Congress can do something about it.

And speaking of Supreme Court dysfunction: The second episode of Slow Burn looks at how race-based admissions shaped Clarence Thomas.

It’s Christie Time

Chris Christie in 2014. Reuters

Chris Christie is entering the presidential race, and Jim Newell, for one, is glad about it. If nothing else, Christie is going to liven things up around here, probably! He may have joined the race as no more than a Trump-seeking missile, Newell writes, but at least he’s got nothing to lose.

Country cousins

The Trump-era fascination with the politics of rural America just won’t die! Steven Conn reviews a new book that wants to lay the fault for our rural-urban divide at city people’s feet, and finds it “hopelessly muddled.”

Royal circus

The Royal family is freaked out by Prince Harry’s court testimony. Maybe it should be! Heather Schwedel explains why.

An ominous orange haze

Angela Weiss/Getty Images

What should you do if you’re living in part of the Northeast that’s covered with wildfire smoke right now? Writing from the West Coast, Meg Duff has some advice, both practical and emotional, from someone who’s been through this kind of thing before. She recommends air filters, masks, calming tea—and no major life decisions.

Plus: We’ve rounded up some striking images of how bad the sky looked today.

ProbleMATTic

If you’ve been seeing the name “Matt Rife” all over your Twitter timeline and have no idea who that is, you’re not alone. Nadira Goffe has a beginner’s guide to the zillennial comedian whose tour tickets are impossible to get, and whether he is, in fact, “ProbleMATTic.”

A grim merger

Top-tier golf is now permanently in bed with the Saudi government. Alex Kirshner walks us through how it happened.

Today, Slate is… COLLECTING AND ANALYZING DIGITAL DETRITUS*

…much like the federal criminal investigators in James Comey’s first crime novel (and, well, his real life). Read Ankush Khardori’s review to find out how bad it is.

Thanks so much for reading! We’ll see you tomorrow.

[betadunsparce]

i literally always misread your description as saying "autistic trans lesbian Icon" and i'm like. yep. that's the damn truth.

:dunsparceblush:

#circus-to-air-missile

[lasesmed]

circus-to-air-missile replied to your post: my trick to getting through life foodwise is just,...

this is the most valid thing i’ve ever heard you say, and there is some Tough competition for that title

the implication that i have ever said anything valid is troubling

#circus-to-air-missile #what kind of wisdom have i bestowed upon the world #also like #////s

[modern-vellichor]

Some Things Never Change

A/N; this was requested, and yes, i did have to google who dick grayson was. anyway enjoy. Pairing: wanda x m!reader Warnings: minor character deaths, angst, explicit language, graphic descriptions of violence.

Wanda squealed, her hand gripping her father’s tightly as she stared up at the circus performers.

“Pietro! Did you see that?” 

Pietro giggled in response.

The family jumped and swung and flew precariously from ropes and silks and trapeze equipment. The youngest of the group was especially talented, wrapping himself in intricate patterns only to let go of the rope and go tumbling towards the floor. He flipped from rope to rope, catching and being caught by his family. He twisted and turned and flew through the air like he had been born with wings, and it was the most natural thing in the world.

Wanda took particular interest in you. She was enamoured by you, you were the youngest and looked about her age. She watched you fly and wanted to be like you when she grew up. One day she would soar just as freely as you did.

The group landed elegantly on the floor of the circus ring as the music came to a close. You looked out at the crowd, your eyes landing upon Wanda. You shot her a cheeky wink before taking a bow and exiting from her view. Wanda didn’t stop talking about you for weeks, and she would never forget you.

You hugged your mother as you walked back to your trailer. Light spilled onto the grass and you all stopped. The door to your trailed was open.

“Wait here,” your mother commanded.

You stood deathly still, pleading with your parents not to go into the trailer. Your father picked up a lead pipe and your mother followed him into the trailer. They were in there barely thirty seconds before two gunshots exploded in your ears. You couldn’t see, colourful spots clouding your vision. You ran between two of the other trailers, hiding and shaking and crying.

You watched as two men, dressed head to toe in black exited your trailer. They looked around briefly, you shuffled further behind the trailer, safely out of sight. They drove away, and you knew what you had to do. Avenge your parents.

The bodies of men littered the blood stained concrete. Years had gone by since your parents’ deaths. You weren’t a little boy anymore. You smiled proudly at the chaos around you. Mission accomplished.

“Freeze, motherfucker.”

You felt the barrel of a gun being pressed into the small of your back, you raised your hands in defeat. You turned around slowly. You came face to face with a man wearing an eyepatch and possibly the most patriotic and aggressively American man you’ve ever seen.

“You’re coming with us.”

You followed after Mr. America, the pirate still pressing his gun to the back of your head. He lead you to a spaceship and forced you inside. The pirate settled across from you after seating you at a steel table. He was a lot meaner than the other one. 

“My name is Nick Fury, and this is Captain America.” You nodded as Fury spoke to you. “We know who you are, Mr. L/N, and we know what happened to you. You are an asset to us, and we want you on our team.”

He pushed a manila folder towards you, containing files and a contract. You looked over the contract, ‘Avengers’ branded in bold at the top.

“Sign it,” the Captain urged. “Be the hero you know you can be.”

You scribbled a signature on the dotted line, and Cap shook your hand with a smile, welcoming you to the team.

Ultron had devastated the world. Your home country had been destroyed. You had gazed down at the ruins of Sokovia and sobbed. You had welcomed a pair of twins to the team, from Sokovia too. And you watched as a sister mourned the loss of her last living relative, her only brother. 

You knocked on Wanda’s door. She was crying quietly in her room. You slowly pushed the door open, poking your head through the crack. You raised your eyes at her, she wiped her eyes and nodded.

“Hey,” you whispered. You sat on the edge of the bed next to Wanda, throwing an arm gently around her waist. “You feeling okay?”

She shook her head. You pulled her into your side, rubbing her back and soothing her. Her cries soon soused, and she was able to communicate properly.

“What was he like?” You asked.

“Fast,” Wanda chuckled sadly. “He was a good person. Protective, you know. And funny. He was always smiling, and joking about how he was twelve minutes older.”

You laughed with her. 

“He was the only one I had, my parents died during the civil war. Missile crashed into our apartment,” you hissed at her confession and hugged her tightly.

“If it makes you feel any better, my parents were killed by Mob bosses. Just before the war broke out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We used to do acrobatics for a circus, and one day we went back to find the door to our trailer open. My parents went in, and I didn’t see it, but i heard it. Two gunshots, and I never saw them again.”

“Acrobatics?” Wanda mumbled, she connected the dots in her head. “Oh, my God. You’re Y/N L/N, the kid wonder!”

“Well, I’m Y/N L/N, the Avenger, now.”

“I went to see you when I was little. God, I had such a crush on you. I spoke about you for weeks. You winked at me, after one of your performances.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Yeah, I remember you. A crush, huh?”

Wanda blushed. You brushed a knuckle under her chin, lifting her gaze until it met yours. Your hands cradled her face, thumbs wiping away the stains on her cheeks, mascara blackening your thumbs.

“I can’t blame you, I am fairly handsome,” Wanda laughed at your remark.

You smiled at Wanda’s lifted spirit. Your thumbs still caressed her cheeks, tracing smile lines. You watched her with adoration. Her eyes sparkled, and you were besotted.

She closed her eyes and leaned forward suddenly, planting her lips on yours. Your hands never left her cheeks, but she pulled back quickly and blushed.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done th-”

You kissed her. Your hands falling to her waist, her arms wrapped around your neck. Her eyes fluttered closed, she smiled into the kiss.

You gently pulled away, and her hands fell to your biceps. She gave them a gentle squeeze.

“Wow,” she whispered, you winked at her. She laughed. “Some things don’t change, do they?”

“Some things never do.”

@lucyanddylan10

#wanda maximoff #wanda marvel #wanda imagine #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda x m!reader #wanda x male!reader #wanda x you #wanda x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff fluff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda fanfic #wanda fluff #wanda maximoff fic #wanda x male reader #wanda maximoff x m!reader #wanda maximoff x male!reader

[bigskydreaming]

Is it true that gymnasts can't work much when they're 30+ ? Is it like an Olympic gymnast thing or just stuntwork in general? I saw some people concerned over Dick's back causing him problems as he gets older. But then a lot of martial art guys like Donny Yen, Jet Lee are still pretty flexible aren't they?

I see this a lot in fandom too, anon, and as often happens, lol, I myself cater to the ‘fandom’s got it backwards’ take.

Fandom specifically focuses on Dick’s body giving out early on in life compared to the rest, due to acrobatics being ‘his niche’ but in reality - or as close to it as we can come in a universe that tbh really demands suspension of disbelief over the fact that any and all of the Batfam take as much punishment as they endure.....

Thing is, Dick is actually one of the family most likely to have the LONGEST longevity of physical fitness.

This is because fandom keeps correlating Dick’s niche as gymnastics, rather than what it IS - acrobatics.

Yes, gymnastics is typically considered a ‘young person’s game.’

ON AVERAGE.

But, something to keep in mind, is that there are different TYPES of gymnastics. There’s competitive artistic gymnastics, but also rhythmic gymnastics, aerobic gymnastics, and a few others. Olympics gymnasts are primarily competitive artistic gymnastics, but even there, there are specializations so to speak. All Olympic gymnasts are usually cross-trained on the various events/categories, but the teams overall put up their best gymnasts in each category to compete in that category when possible....because for the most part, someone who excels at say, floor routines, is not going to be the most optimal choice to do the high bars or the vault. That’s because floor routines emphasize more rhythmic gymnastics, whereas something like the vault is more in the arena of a power gymnast.

And these different areas of focus put different kinds of strains on the body.

So yes, while its true that a lot of gymnasts retire early and the Olympic teams as a whole tend to see their gymnasts exiting the game by 30 at the latest......the latter is because those gymnasts are expected to be at least capable and at elite levels in ALL events, so they can compete as needed for the overall team....BUT, in the case of the former, the gymnasts that retire early completely.....those are almost universally the power gymnasts, the ones who specialize and emphasize in the hard-hitting events like the vault, the beam, the uneven bars, etc.

I say hard-hitting, because I literally mean hard-hitting. 

Because these are the high impact events. The ones that see a gymnast land with the full weight and impact of their body on their feet at the end of a successful (and exponentially force-multiplying) flip, handspring, dismount, etc. 

That kind of impact puts TREMENDOUS strain on your joints....and that, specifically, is what leads to a lot of early retirements, and a lot of early wear and tear on the body. That’s the kind of punishment that the body can only withstand at elite levels for so long.

But that’s not the only kind of gymnastics, and its definitely not the thing that Dick’s known for specifically - that’s acrobatics. And while there’s similarities and crossover, that’s another ballgame entirely.

In fact, where the similarities and crossover tend to happen is in the areas of rhythmic gymastics, aerobic gymnastics.....the kind of things that you see in events like floor routines, the rings, the parallel bars, the pommel horse.

Those gymnasts, the ones who specialize primarily in those areas of focus......they tend to retire from the OLYMPICS around the same time as the others, because again, everyone on those teams needs to be on the top of their games and CAPABLE of being pitted against the power gymnasts of other teams on events like the vault if they need to fill in in a pinch.....BUT they don’t often retire at age 30 overall.

You wanna know where a lot of them end up going after that?

Cirque de Soleil.

Dead serious, I shit you not.....a ton of elite level gymnasts after leaving gymnastics end up....essentially running away to the circus, lol. A full third of Cirque de Soleil’s performers ARE former professional gymnasts.

And a lot of them end up....acrobats.

Because after all, there is a lot of crossover in the two, in terms of feats.....but the difference, the thing that lends acrobats more longevity than most power gymnasts and the like.....is the latter endure most of the abuse to their bodies and joints....when their bodies hit the ground at the end of their feats.

Acrobats, in contrast.....are kinda focused on.....not being on the ground.

A lot of the same wear and tear simply doesn’t happen on their bodies, and allows them to perform much further into life....because there’s simply less strain in the types of aerial feats acrobatics focus on, while suspended high up off the ground.

And we see this reflected in the Batfam and their various styles of fighting and focus, which is why I say despite people focusing on Dick’s body giving out soonest, as the quote unquote athlete of the family -

(Which tbh, I kinda...eh, about, because it feels often like one of those things where people NAME him ‘the athlete of the family’ just to give him his niche without having to acknowledge him as being the equal of any of the ‘brainy ones’ in that regard like Tim or Babs or Bruce, etc.....but honestly, when was the last time you saw any significant focus put on Dick being able to do something physically that the other members of his family COULDN’T do, because they’re not ‘the athlete’? Y’know what I mean? Like, there’s a lot of MENTION of how he’s the most athletic or acrobatic or all of that.....but that never seems to hold any of the others back from doing any of the equivalent physical feats one is inclined to write them doing, or allowing them to be written as sizably less skilled as fighters in any meaningful way. So focusing on Dick as being the most specifically physically minded and oriented of the family feels a bit performative, tbh, and that puts the focus on his body being specifically vulnerable to wear and tear, moreso than the others a bit.....suspect imo. BUT I DIGRESS).

My point is, regardless of that, my take is the focus on Dick’s body giving out soonest is ironically just....completely backwards. Because actually compare his form of physicality to some of the others, and you see what I’m saying:

Bruce and Jason for instance - they’re perfectly capable of high-level gymnastic feats when necessary, but their overall approach to flips and jumps and grappling swinging and the like is to use it as a means to an end. Its always in service to getting them ON THE GROUND as quickly and efficiently as possible....where they can use their brute strength and mass and physicality to its most effectiveness, wading in to brawl hand to hand with combatants anywhere possible (excepting of course when Jason is using guns from a distance, or Bruce his Batarangs, but you get what I mean in terms of overall styles).

But THAT kind of thing....is far more the realm of the power gymnast. The kind of high impact landings and force-multiplying jumps and flips meant to just....cut straight to it. Hone in like a heat-seeking missile. Deliver the full force of them as quickly and efficiently as possible.

In contrast....Dick’s style is entirely different, and hails directly from his origins and his strengths as an acrobat. He’s NOTED for basically spending as much time IN THE AIR during a fight as possible. He soars above when possible, rather than engage up front and hand to hand. He’s more likely to leap over criminals’ heads, kicking out and navigating upwards on his way to ‘tag’ the next one in any manner he can....dodging in and out, using confusion, weaponizing evasive maneuvers, getting his opponents to get tangled up in each other’s way...that’s HIS style.

Dick deliberately keeps himself at a distance as long as possible, not out of fear but out of basic awareness of his own strengths and weaknesses and his instinctive (due to being a born and raised athlete every bit as much as Damian and Cass are born and raised fighters) drive to look after his own body and keep it maintained and honed and efficient for as long as he can - something that I don’t doubt was drilled into him by his acrobats-as-their-livelihood-family from the very first moment they began training him. 

The less he HAS to engage hand to hand, the less he HAS to land feet flat on the ground after a flip rather than using the balls of his feet to simply spring off even further and then transition into firing his grappling hook mid-air, the less he HAS to block a strike with the side of his forearm or strike someone fist to face rather than block with an escrima stick and strike with the other.....

The longer Dick’s body stays in strong enough condition to remain his most effective weapon.

And that’s not something everyone in his family can claim, or even point to as a priority of any kind.

Which is why I maintain that focusing on Dick’s body giving out young is not only a bit....eh....given they all perform equivalent levels of physicality in their vigilantism day in and day out.....its also, IMO, focusing on the wrong family members entirely. 

(Overall, personally I’d rate Dick, Tim and Cass the ones most likely to retain their physical fitness the longest based on their respective styles and how they’re typically depicted in fight scenes).

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Pokemon Johto League Champions, Episodes 45-47

In which we get a reference to an episode that was cut a while ago.

Get Jynxed

So, for those of you who don’t know, there are a few episodes of Pokemon that the English dub skips for whatever reason. I’ll probably track them down to watch at some point just for funsies, but I do know about some of those episodes and why they were skipped or pulled. And one of those episodes was pulled because it featured a very controversial Pokemon: Jynx. That’s because Jynx’s original design was practically a blackface caricature, and 90s Japan had, let’s say, a less than perfect understanding of how not to be racist towards black people. Once they got the memo, they made Jynx a purple Pokemon instead and the new design stuck, but the episode featuring old blackface Jynx was still pulled, for very understandable reasons. As a consequence, though, Jynx is one of the few Pokemon that hasn’t shown up at all in the Pokemon anime (Porgyon’s another one, as his featured episode was the one that gave everyone seizures and made Japan rewrite their broadcast rules to make Hideaki Anno cry forever). So it’s a little surprising to see Jynx’s pre-evolved form, Smoochum, get a featured episode before Jynx herself re-enters the picture. How must this episode have played for people who never saw the original Jynx episode, I wonder? And is this a sign that Jynx is eventually gonna show up in the anime again now that the stigma of her intro seems to be fading? I dunno, these episodes didn’t give me a lot to work with, so I’m just spitballing here to fill time. It happens, what can you do?

Also, I can’t help but be amused at the movie star’s manager thinking his image would be destroyed if people found out he liked cuddling his Smoochum. Like, this guy’s fanbase seems to be entirely squealing fangirls and soccer moms, and you think that kind of audience would reject the cool badass secretly having a mushy, cuddly side? Someone’s clearly not cut out to be a manager, that’s all I’m saying.

Best of Team Rocket

-”And I wonder how long it will be until Meowth disturbs us.”

-”Well, winning isn’t our strong suit.”

-”Meowth’s quite an expert in hot air.”

-”Those other teams need Pokemon to guide their balloons!” “Correct me if I’m wrong...”

-”Sorry, you’ll have to find self-esteem elsewhere.” The fact he’s actually trying to fight fair and square is fascinating to me. Is it just cause his face is on the balloon and he wants to prove a point?

-”Our missiles seem to be... missing something.”

-”So we’re only getting a peek at you, Pikachu!”

-’I’m doing the ho-ing...” “But they’re gonna do the heaving!” James is a hoe, it’s canon.

-”I just adore the theater!”

-”On second thought, I’ll just use an understudy.”

-”I didn’t understand a word they said.” I’m losing my shit kdfhskjdfhdskfh

-Wobuffet is causing so much chaos this episode and I love it.

-”We recited our motto to you before...” “But our mouths aren’t stuffed anymore!”

Odds and Ends

-”Maybe it’s a No-Parking zone.” pfft

-My uncle would love this episode. He’s a bit of a hot air balloon otaku, lol.

-”He’s either got a burning desire or a bad eye inflammation!” sdkjfhdsfkh why are the anime effects canon in universe

-Ash once again being way too badass for comfort and catching Cyndaquill before he goes over the edge, nice.

-Was that an attempt at an Itano Circus? Fun.

-”Brad van Darn” kldfhskfhskdjfh

-”Why didn’t I do something easy like manage a boy band?!” Okay, that made me chuckle.

-Lol, Pikachu’s impressions are great.

-There’s some quality smug faces this episode.

-I like how this Rhydon adjusts his moves to work in water. Using Horn Drill to make a whirlpool is a neat idea.

-okay but a Rhydon this heavy should really be sinking this boat

-Wow, been a while since we’ve seen a Pokeball fail.

Almost done Johto season 2. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #pokemon #pokemon gen2 #Ash Ketchum #misty pokemon #brock pokemon #pikachu #team rocket #meowth

[siremasterlawrence]

Supervillain Rise 2: The Gotham Knights. Part 1 - 2 The Governor under my control has created many changes. The Governor mansion is under construction under my orders. The entire news stations are buzzing with loads of speculations. Yet Mathew legs rise over mine landing on my lap. Mathews ass sits on my lap beginning to ride me. “Fuck me Master.” His pussy ass calls me harder to do it. “You want this bitch?” I suggest to him as I rip his clothes off. I drop his underpants, and slips his ass on my cock. “Yes my king.” He says riding me over like the champ he is. Part 3-4 “Oh Master!” He yells breaking through the wall. His voice could not be heard over the crazy buzzing sounds of the crew. “I’m yours” the last words he ever says as true free man. We are interrupted by The Mayor screaming something. I punch him in the face as he cringes on the floor. “Master, the Bat is here.” He cries out loud. “Get dress Boi’s.” I say a cigarette in hand as I light it. “The show must go on.” The Mayor says in trance. The two of them grab a pair Tommy guns an surprise him. Part 5-6 Batman dodges the bullets aim his way hits the light. The lights of the grounds blown up breaking down the darkness. He breaks through the wall entering my new compound. He stands tall his shadow peering down over us. “Wear a mask.” I can hear him chant smacks him down in to the wall. “Well if you are working alone that is.” The last thing he lets out. I am ready for him, but he is willing to run into attack mode against my crew. I am amaze at the way he rips through a sea of my bets warriors. The Mayor, as well as the governor duke it out with him. Part 7-8 On the outside grounds a newly minted hero Nightwing awaits. I view him from his downstairs bunker I have been built. I laugh a bit pressing another button starting a count down. “1” the machine rolls on ending the ongoing count down. Five rockets go off in the distant heat seeker missiles. “That will keep him busy.” I stutter a bit after laughing. Next thing I know my two political goons come straight through the wall. They land on the floor spinning into the wall then on a floor. “Very good Batsy, but look out.” I lower the level. Part 9 - 10 A hole opens under him growing bigger an bigger. It’s swallows him whole icy cold flow of air comes through the vent. Batman tries to use his grabble a bit to late for him. The hole closes cutting the chord completely as he slid. He slides down the rabbit hole to his doom of course. He collides with the basement floor knocking himself out. Nightwing manages to evade the oncoming missiles. He rushes off the roof meeting one on each side as they crash. Immediate impact as they explore in total wonderment. Part 11-12 Dick Grayson aka Nightwing lands on the lawn with his hands ready to brawl. The e-stun sticks burn brightly with electric current. He lifts them out of their carrying sack on his back. He does a fee parlor tricks spinning them side to side. Finally, Dick broadly smiles in a kind gesture mind way. Dick dives off the crumbled mansion floor of my home. Tall stature of this Adonis of a man shadows over me. I rise to my feet clapping my hands at treat and delight of him. “Circus act indeed.” I state trapping him in a tall glass. Part 13 - 14 Governor Mathew Timber stands proudly at attention. Grabbing the sides of Batman’s neck holding them tight. I drop the lever a glass tank rises off the floor to surround him. Jason Todd aka Robin’s beeper goes off on him. His watch glows boldly circling around in a sonar pattern. “Batman, and Nightwing are in trouble.” He calls out. He ramps in to the nearest alley way hidden in the dark. He undresses his clothes to climb the wall to the roof. He hops off one roof top to the next one, an he is sneaking on to the property. Part 15 - 16 I turn the dial to the side on the console let it light up. The floor rises up to hold him up with laser cannons pointing at him. They light up to holding him up to not be able to move. He backflips out of the way dodging ea

[amplesalty]

Christmas 2020: Day 5 - Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (1979)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

FIVE EVIL KINGS!

“Christmas...in July?!” I hear you scoff “What a preposterous idea.” Well, maybe not. After such an unprecedented year as 2020 has been, governments around the world find themselves in the delicate position of trying to further the public health whilst trying to stimulate their economies that are circling the drain. Plus, do you want to be seen as the Grinch figure who cancelled Christmas? That’s going to look real good come next election season, isn’t it? Well, what if we didn’t cancel Christmas..just postpone it instead. Did you know that the retail industry does 50% of its business between December 1st and December 25? That’s half a year’s business in just one month’s time. But with the inherent risk of everyone piling into stores and the already lost time from all these lockdowns, why not delay things slightly to allow us all time to get this new vaccination. Seems to me that Boris Johnson would be wise to legislate a second such gift giving holiday. Create, say, a Christmas 2 next Summer to stimulate growth.

Thank you, Danny Trejo. I’m just surprised it took me this long to mention COVID-19. It took me like the very first sentence of the October marathon. I suppose the Christmas season doesn’t really lend itself to it as much, though Kevin McCallister was doing pioneering work in that whole social distancing thing back in the day.

But yes, Rudolph and Frosty. After seeing both their specials over the past couple of years, why not watch them together in some sort of superstar tag team in their own feature length motion picture epic? I’m jumping ahead slightly in the Rankin/Bass cinematic universe which apparently was a little unwise as I missed a couple of important plot points.

Like, apparently Frosty had kids at some point? How does that work? Do snowmen fuck? I mean, Frosty was always a little dim so it kinda feels a bit weird like Buddy the Elf having kids by the end of Elf. Did kids build him a wife, bring her to life and then their combined magic allows them to have sentient children? Or do they have to be built and brought to life too? How many magic hats to these kids have access to? Is there just a factory somewhere pumping these things out? I can’t believe I have so many questions about an anthropomorphic snowman.

Nevermind that shit though, there’s a whole backstory going on that we need to dive into full of evil wizards and deities appearing on Earth in human form. Many years ago the wicked King Winterbolt ruled over the land with an iron first and a frosty sceptre capable of great magic. But against him stood Lady Boreal.

Queen of the Northern Lights! Oh for God’s sake, first It’s a Wonderful Life comes back to haunt me and now this. Why do so many Christmas movies have so many instances of the goddamn aurora borealis?! Anyway, she rocks up and is like “Stop all this evil tyranny business.” and he’s like “lol, no” and tries to shoot her with his magic missile, to which she’s like “Bitch, please.” and puts him into a deep slumber. But nothing lasts forever and eventually Winterbolt awakens and finds like the North land has a much more jolly leader in the form of Santa and vows to overthrow him with a rather longwinded scheme involving him winning the love of all the children of the world by making Santa get lost in a great snow storm. Then, Winterbolt can emerge with his own supply of toys and become the new Santa!

But with her last ounce of strength, Lady Boreal transfers her remaining magic into baby Rudolph’s shiny nose. Or maybe this is some Biblical level shit and she put Rudolph upon the Earth to be the saviour of Christmas, that he might grow up to lead Santa’s sleigh through the dark and stormy night. Where was this angle in the original Rudolph?! Kinda re-writes that whole part about him being shunned by Santa and his own Father too. Does kinda take that whole ‘embrace who you are’ thing to a new level when you were pretty much created by a God to have this one seemingly life altering feature about you that actually means you’re destined for greatness. Bit of a test of these other reindeer too, this is how you treat he I have delivered unto you?!

So, now that we have some meddlesome reindeer getting in the way, Winterbolt sets off on some longwinded and convoluted plan that involves Rudolph and Frosty going to a 4th of July circus in order to trick Rudolph into committing an evil act that will void Lady Boreal’s magic. Plus, he gives Frosty and family some amulets that will prevent them from melting but only up until the last firework fades. And to do all this he uses some sort of magic snow which can implant ideas in peoples heads? So he gets this ice cream guy to encourage Rudolph and Frosty to be in the show to boost ticket sales and help his girlfriend. This guy by the way rides around in a hot air balloon and keeps a supply of ice cream at the North Pole. Dude, it’s called a freezer.

I love how they make this big thing about what an attraction Rudolph will be but his act is literally him standing in the middle of the tent, they use a fog machine on him and he uses his nose to shine through the fog. Then he just flies away. I mean, I suppose just having a flying reindeer is pretty spectacular in and of itself but give them a little more for their money, tell a joke or something.

This whole middle portion of the movie is a bit of a drag though. Just really boring and full of filler songs about the circus. I don’t know why this movie is as long as it is at like 98 mins. If you trimmed it down you’d have something a lot more solid. I’d say the one highlight in this portion is when Winterbolt goes to what seems to be this movies equivalent of a doss house and finds this really shady reindeer he can use to trick Rudolph. Just seeing this evil genius in Winterbolt interacting with this scuzzy landlord and finding this bum reindeer is just really weird.

There’s a neat version of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree too. Has this slight country, Dolly Parton feel to it and is a bit more uptempo than the original.

I was pretty disappointed during this whole section and was worried that it would end up like Frosty but it won me back again in the end by tapping into some of that uncharacteristic dark Christmas feel that Rudolph had. Where that was more cynical, this gets oddly morbid.

Like, the plan is for Santa to swing by and pick up Frosty and family in order to take them back to the North Pole before the fireworks finish so they don’t melt. Frosty is still really antsy though and is keen to duck out, even if that means missing the fireworks. Bizarrely, his kids question him on this and ask him what kind of patriot he is. I guess I never really thought of Frosty being American like that but I guess they did refer to him as having just being born when they put that hat on him. Plus he’s always saying ‘Happy birthday!’ when he wakes up so you could say he was born in America. Only trouble is, Winterbolt has whipped up a ferocious storm that means Santa is heavily delayed.

So you get these scenes of Frosty, his wife and kids all coming to terms with their own fragile mortality as they watch these 100 fireworks going off one by one, with each rocket flying into the sky acting like another grain of sand in the egg timer of their life, another second ticking away toward their impending doom. Just these kids looking up to their mother and telling her that they promise they’ll be brave...oh my God.

Or Rudolph having to give a false confession to stealing the takings from the circus in exchange for Winterbolt keeping the amulets powers going so that Frosty wont melt. Only Frosty knows the real truth, so everyone just shuns Rudolph. His friends turn their back on him, the crowd boo him and his nose wont light up anymore. Cue a mournful Rudolph solo which culminates in him crying as he sticks his nose in some glitter trying to replicate the beaming light it once gave off. Poor little guy.

But apparently not everyone has given up on Rudolph becomes he comes... a whale with a clock on it?! Apparently this guy was in one of the Rudolph films that came before this, just what in the hell did I miss?

Even after a showdown between Rudolph and Winterbolt where Rudolph gets Frosty’s hat back, Winterbolt is still out for vengeance and comes to the circus for a final showdown. To which the lady that runs the circus has the most appropriate response possible...

Reach for the skies, pilgrim! Only, her guns are just props that fire blanks so she just hurls the guns at Winterbolt and they promptly shatter his magic staff and he turns into a tree. Ooooooookay then.

I feel like Lady Boreal could have saved us a lot of hassle if she’d put Winterbolt to sleep and then took his staff away rather than just leaving it laying around for him to use again when he finally awoke.

For a second there in the middle I thought that this would be more of a Frosty than a Rudolph but it redeemed itself a bit by the end. Probably not quite to the levels of Rudolph but I enjoyed the bookends of it. If they’d cut some of the middle out and kept it under an hour, I’d be a lot happier with it. Apparently there’s another Rudolph movie that came out in the early 2000’s that revists a lot of those characters from the first one so I’m really tempted to watch that as well but I feel like I already rode my luck here and I’d really tarnish my positive memories of the original by watching a cheap cash in. I probably will just watch it anyway though so I guess we’ll find out next year.

#Christmas 2020 #Rudolph #Frosty #Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July

[ljones41]

"OCTOPUSSY" (1983) Review

"OCTOPUSSY" (1983) Review While perusing some of the Bond forums, I have noticed that 1983’s ”OCTOPUSSY” is not highly regarded by many fans. Personally, I have always found this hard to understand or accept, considering that the movie has been one of my favorite entries in the Bond franchise for years. But after watching it recently . . . I still do not agree with its low standing among the fans.

”OCTOPUSSY”’s pre-title sequence is merely a little teaser about Bond’s attempt to sabotage a missile system in the Banana Republic (aka Cuba). It was light, humorous and filled with plenty of solid action. I particularly enjoyed the fact that what started out as failure on Bond’s part after he found himself captured by enemy soldiers, ended up as a success partially through the actions of the enemy, when they attempt to shoot down the Acrostar Mini-Jet he used for a quick escape. Although entertaining, the pre-title sequence has nothing to do with the main story, which involves a power-hungry Soviet general, a mysterious and beautiful smuggler/circus owner and a duplicitous Afghan prince. Written by George MacDonald Fraser, Richard Maibaum, and Michael G. Wilson, ”OCTOPUSSY” starts out in East Germany with 009 dressed as a clown and being pursued by a knife-wielding villain. The villain turns out to be a pair of twins (Mischska and Grischska) who want something that 009 has – namely a fake Faberge egg called Property of a Lady. One of the twins manages to fatally wound 009 with a knife. But before he can die, the British agent manages to reach the local British embassy and deliver the egg in dramatic fashion. James Bond is assigned to investigate his colleague’s death. The investigation leads to an auction at Christie’s where the real Property of a Lady egg is being sold . . . and Bond’s first meeting with the villainous Kamal Khan, his henchmen Gobinda and the lovely Madga. Bond’s investigations lead him to India, where he makes his acquaintance with Kamal Khan for the second time. He survives several attempts on his life and incarceration at Khan’s Monsoon Palace and eventually meet the mysterious Octopussy, who turns out to be the daughter of a former rogue agent whom Bond had met years ago. Bond’s encounters with Octopussy and Khan provides him with clues that lead back to East Germany and Soviet General Orlov and Khan’s plot to detonate a nuclear bomb on a U.S. Air Force base in West Germany. Fortunately, Bond (with Octopussy’s help) foils Orlov and Khan’s plans. Roger Moore returned for the sixth time as British agent James Bond. At age 55 during the film’s production, he struck many Bond fans as too old to be portraying the super spy. Personally, I had no problems with Moore’s age around this time. He still looked handsome and healthy enough to star in the action-packed spy thriller. And he portrayed Bond with a world-weariness and style that seemed to befit his age. Even better, he managed to retain some of that gritty toughness that he utilized so effectively in his previous outing, ”FOR YOUR EYES ONLY” . . . and retained his sense of humor at the same. Speaking of that humor, I usually have nothing against Moore’s humorous style (unlike many fans and critics). But I can think of four occasions when even I found it a bit too much: -Chase sequence in Udaipur with street performers -Bond focusing short circuit camera on Indian operative’s cleavage -The Tarzan yell during Bond’s escape from Khan’s Monsoon Palace -Bond using fake crocodile submarine to sneak into Octopussy’s estate Despite the extreme silliness listed above, I still found Moore’s performance satisfactory. I enjoyed his sense of humor during his encounters with the West German citizenry, while trying to stop Orlov and Khan’s bomb. And I admired his dramatic skills in scenes featuring the discovery of Vijay’s body and his romantic scene with Octopussy. But I was especially impressed by his acting in the scene that featured Bond’s only encounter with General Orlov. Maud Adams returned to appear in her second Bond film, this time portraying the leading female character – smuggler/circus owner, Octopussy. I cannot honestly say I would consider Adams to be among the best actresses that appeared in the Bond franchise. The nine years between ”THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN” (in which she portrayed the villain’s doomed mistress) and ”OCTOPUSSY” seemed to have shown no real improvement in her acting skills. But she seemed competent enough to carry the role. And her looks and screen presence certainly helped. The secondary female lead – Kristina Weyborn – portrayed Madga, Octopussy’s right-hand woman and personal liaison to Kamal Khan. Like Adams, Weyborn is a tall Swedish-born beauty with limited acting skills. And like the leading lady, she possessed enough looks and presence to carry her role. Although I do wish that someone had given her more lessons in performing martial arts on screen. French actor Louis Jordan portrayed Kamal Khan, an exiled Afghan prince who desire for a piece of the Imperial Russian treasure leads him to take part in General Orlov's plot to bomb a U.S. Air Force base and change the political landscape of Western Europe. Khan serves as the liaison between Orlov and Octopussy, who traveling circus/smuggling operation allows the two men to smuggle a nuclear bomb into West Germany. Like Yaphet Kotto and Christopher Lee before him, Jordan seems to be a doppleganger of Moore's James Bond - smooth, suave and very deadly. One scene in particular - Bond and Khan's game of dice at an Udaipur hotel - reflects the mirror image of the two men in a very effective manner. Not only did Jordan perfectly portray Kamal Khan's smooth style and sophistication, he did an excellent job of reflecting the Afghan prince's darker nature - especially his cold-blooded tendency to betray anyone who stood between him and self-preservation. Including Octopussy and his men. "OCTOPUSSY"'s cast of minor villains include Steven Berkhoff as the bombastic General Orlov, whose desire for completely Communist Europe and a higher position in the Soviet hierarchy sets off the movie's plot. Although I found his scenes with Moore, Jordan and Adams effective and subtle, Berkhoff unfortunately revealed a tendency toward hammy acting in a scene that feature a meeting between the Soviet premier and several generals - including Gogol. And when I mean hammy, I mean . . . ham served with eggs. Indian actor Kabir Bedi portrayed Khan's right-hand man, the silent and intimidating Gobinda. One of the Bond sites - "MI-6" Forum - stated the following about the character: "Kamal Khan's faithful bodyguard, big and tough but none too bright.". I do not know if I agree with that assessment. On second thought . . . I do not agree. Gobinda's flaw may have been that he was too devoted and loyal to Khan - after all, he actually obeyed the Afghan prince's order that he climb out of a plane in mid-flight and kill Bond. But less than bright? No, I do not agree. Gobinda struck me as a very observant and intelligent man. And the very handsome Bedi portrayed the henchman with a nice balance of intelligence and menace. In fact, Gobinda happens to be one of my favorite henchmen. Actors David Meyer and Anthony Meyer portray the knife-throwing assassins who killed 009, Mischka and Grischska. They did not say much in the movie, but both did a nice job of projecting competent and menacing killers. With the death of Bernard Lee in 1980, the character of M did not appear in "FOR YOUR EYES ONLY". The character returned in the form of actor Robert Brown, who began the first of his four movie run as the head of MI-6 in "OCTOPUSSY". Brown portrayed M with authority, but very little imagination. Personally, I think he was simply too young to be portraying an authority figure against Roger Moore, who was six years younger. Not until Timothy Dalton's tenure will Brown show that along with Lee and Judi Dench, he could also be an interesting M. Lois Maxwell returned as Moneypenny in one of the most amusing Bond-Moneypenny scenes in the franchise. The scene involved a 'Miss Penelope Smallbone' and Moore and Maxwell managed to inject a lot of humor and charm into the scene, as befitting two old friends. Desmond Llewellyn had once stated that "LICENSE TO KILL" was his favorite Bond film. Which does not seem surprising, since he had a strong role in it. But he also had a strong role in "OCTOPUSSY" and I could tell that he had enjoyed himself. Especially in the scene that featured his rescue of Madga and some of Octopussy's other followers. It seemed too bad that Q's embellished role in this movie seemed just as unecessary as his embellished role in "LICENSE TO KILL". General Gogol returned in the form of Walter Gotell. And he portrayed the Soviet KGB general with his usual competence. Tennis star, Vijay Amritraj made his screen debut as Indian intelligence agent . . . Vijay. Okay this is not exactly an example of original casting, but what the hell? He did a pretty good job, anyway. And he was rather charming. "OCTOPUSSY" marked John Glen's second time in the director chair. And like "FOR YOUR EYES", he did an admirable job. I have to give the man kudos for once again, bringing a touch of realistic grit in Moore's portrayal of Bond and in the franchise. Although I do feel that he made a misstep in allowing those silly moments I had earlier mentioned, in the movie. But I do wonder who had included those ridiculous little scenes? Was it Glen? Moore? Or were the screenwriters - Fraser, Maibum and Wilson - responsible? If the writers were responsible, it was a misstep on their parts. Otherwise, they created an admirable script. One of the scenes highly criticized by critics was the sight of Bond disguised as a clown to infiltrate the circus where the bomb was located. I never understood their criticism of this disguise. Perhaps they disliked the idea of James Bond dressed as a clown. If so, I find their attitude extremely shallow . . . and rather stupid. Also, I wonder why George MacDonald Fraser had been included in this project? Was it because he was a British Army veteran who had served in India? Or that he had incorporated his experiences in India in his Harry Flashman novels? I do not know what to admire more - the screenwriters' creation of the villains' objectives and Bond's efforts to stop the bomb, or Glen's direction of those scenes. Perhaps both. I wish I could say that I enjoyed the movie's theme song, "All Time High", which was sung by Rita Coolidge. But in the end, it simply bored me. However, I did enjoy John Barry's lush and exciting score. And I must commend cinematographer, Alan Hume, for the film's photography. His shots of India and the English countryside (serving as East and West Germany) made "OCTOPUSSY" one of the most colorful entries in the Bond franchise. Despite the low opinion held by many Bond fans, "OCTOPUSSY" remains one of my favorite Bond films. In fact, I consider it to be Moore's second best film (despite a few stupid jokes) and the franchise's sixth best. I give it . . . 8/10.

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