Just going to drop another idea in the hat. How does Mahiru feel about all that's going on with Fuuta in OoA? (Dunno if she would have visited him alone or with Yuno or Amane. Up to you.)
(Sorry for the mini drabble dump, I hope you enjoy 😅 Thank you for all the reminder asks!! I appreciated it since it took a million years to get to, and sure enough it was super fun to play around with all these ideas >:3)
Ough, on the surface she'd look exactly the same, but I feel like she would have a lot going on. She pities him. She pities herself because of him. She's glad she isn't him. She's jealous of him and Amane. She's toeing the line between her a bad first impression of him and finally seeing his human side. This takes place with enough time after the attacks for the dust to settle, but early enough where everyone's still adjusting.
“Fuuta~ Big sis Mahiru came to check on you! How are you feeling?”
For the entire first trial, Mahiru had constantly given Fuuta advice on his volume and outbursts. She’d scolded him for shouting, for bickering, for butting into conversation that weren’t his business. She’d spent so much time wishing he would just be more quiet.
Now that her wish had finally come true, she would do anything to take it back.
“Mmn.”
The old Fuuta would have launched into detail about how he was feeling – about Milgram’s treatment being unjust and how the other prisoners were annoying him. Now that he was slumped in bed, bandages practically holding him together, all he could muster up was a half-shrug. His eyes had lost their usual shine, hardly looking focused at all.
“If you need some medication, Shidou says he has more ready.”
Fuuta nodded. Mahiru knew what question was coming. It was the same every day.
“Did he offer it to Amane first? How is she?”
“She’s still coming around to it. She’s doing alright. I know you think she’s putting up an act when she visits, but honestly, she tells you more than any of us! I didn’t even know she could talk that much!” With her heart already heavy, it was easy to let the pang of jealousy slip into her mind. She was happy the two of them found each other, but Amane was opening up to him far more than her. Mahiru had done everything she could for her – what did Fuuta have that she was missing?
“Hey, look! I brought you some games. Everyone is requesting more supplies, and Shidou is still working on getting that wheelchair for you. I thought that this is just as important, yeah? I found some games that other prisoners didn’t mind lending. See ~ these cards are from Kazui, and Yuno left her cat’s cradle string, and I think Haruka even left a board game that he liked. I even wrote out the instructions to some word games, since those are my favorites.”
“Eh, I don’t need ‘em.”
She refused to let herself deflate. Instead the smile stayed painted on her face. “I’ll just leave them here, then, if you ever get bored. I’m always up for playing something, but a lot of the games can be done by yourself, too!”
At that, he laughed. It was a terrible, bitter sound. It revealed how wheezy his lungs were from his injuries.
“Oh yeah?” He said through a panting breath. “How am I supposed to play cat’s cradle by myself?” He shifted his left arm, bound up in a sling. “Am I supposed to balance the board games on the bed? With all the fucking pieces falling off?”
Mahiru’s smile wavered. “I only meant –”
“I can’t use my hands.” His voice was defeated. “Can’t get up. My head is killing me. Maybe literally. How am I supposed to play any of these? I know you were just being nice… but don’t bother.”
“I am going to bother.”
“Why…?” He let his eyes slip shut. “It’s not like anyone gave a shit about me before. They only care now because I’m dying. Everyone who knew me before… and even everyone here… they all treated me like crap until I got hurt. Now they’re all falling over themselves for me. It’s pathetic.”
It was a phrase he’d used often enough before, but Mahiru was struck with how differently he spoke it, his voice wavering.
The words “that’s not true” hung on her tongue. But it was, wasn’t it? Her stomach twisted in shame. It was horrible. That couldn’t be it – she must have a good reason to care now. After a second of scrambling, it hit her.
“Well! The thing is… what Kazui was saying about Kotoko’s plan… If I hadn’t been with Yuno… It should have been me, Fuuta. And I need to make it up to you.” She shook her head. Another man’s face flashed in her memory. “It should have been me…”
“Yeah, it should have been.”
The two were silent. She studied his face, but he looked firmly away.
Internally she begged herself to leave it there. To learn her own lesson and be quiet. To bid Fuuta well and walk away from the person who was going to say things that would break her heart. But, as every other time in her life, Mahiru couldn’t control herself.
“I’m so, so sorry.” She clasped her hands together as she bowed. “I feel awful about it. Everytime I see you and Amane… I had been so selfish, going to Yuno to cheer myself up, instead of looking out for the two of you. If I could go back and change everything, I would in a heartbeat. I’m sorry. I know that you must hate me. I hate myself. I’m sorry.”
She thought offering her emotions would help. She thought it would be good for him to hear, since he was asking for a reason and she had such a good one. She gasped, seeing tears slip down Fuuta’s miserable expression.
“What –”
“That’s exactly what I was talking about.” She would have preferred his yelling to this quiet resignation. “You’re not here because you care about me. You’re here because you’re feeling sorry for yourself. I don’t need your pity. Just leave.”
“No, it’s not like that! I wish it hadn’t been you that got hurt and –”
“Yeah I wish it wasn’t me, too.” He finally looked at her. “But I don’t wish it was you. That’s not how this works. Be grateful you made it out, and don’t come wallowing in self-pity to me. From now on, only come in here if you actually want to. Not to boost your own ego.”
Mahiru stood with her mouth agape. She tried to muster up something to say, finally finding it was easier to just stay silent. She turned to the door.
Why, oh why couldn’t she do it right?
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I have completely underestimated how hard it is to have compassion for people that are in fact rude, racist, misogynistic people. People assume that those who work in the medical field need to hold up this fortitude against verbal attacks and absolute disrespect for us as human beings by patients. Most of the time it is so much easier to become numb to it. But they deserve the best care possible, so becoming numb leads to poor patient care. So how can I keep doing this without completely burning out? I think its really fucked up to image health care providers should have to always rise above with no feelings hurt, because feelings and psyches and mental health get wrecked everyday. Can anymore give me guidance with compassion?
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I believe that Cosette is one of the strongest characters in Les Mis
And when I say a strong character, I don't mean just physically. I meant emotionally and mentally as well.
Like Cosette been through A LOT. She was horribly abused as a child, grew up in turbulent times in French history, is born from the slums yet is lucky enough to be adopted into bourgeoisie by Valjean, and she got PTSD from the June Rebellion and all. A number of abuse survivors became more cynical, bitter, and/or even violent.
BUT SHE ISNT.
Even after all the shit she endured, even after all the horrors she has seen, she not only remains hopeful and compassionate, yet also offers the Light she has to a number of people around her. She literally is a reason why a number of characters found hope to keep going. Without her, ALL of her loved ones would have gone off to the deep end already.
Cosette does not allow herself to be submerged in misery and despair. Even in dark times, she TRIES to maintain as hopeful as possible and offers compassion and solace to a number of others. She is LITERALLY a reason why Valjean stopped being tempted back to criminal life, why Fantine still has hope despite her hardships and the fact she gave EVERYTHING for Cosette to have a better life, why Marius found hope again after he thought he lost EVERYTHING, and why the Thenardier sibs found hope to turn their lives around.
Cosette isn't just a representation of hope. She is also a representation of :
- A world beyond a barricade
- A light people fighting are climbing to
- A reminder of goodness in the world
- Victory of hope over despair
Cosette is actually tough as nails, yet she CHOSE to remain compassionate and hopeful despite all she experienced and has TREMENDOUS emotional and mental strength
And I think that's beautiful.
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You know chat? Now that I told you about my sick ass, I might as well explain my silly illness for context.
I forgot the scientific name, but in resume, imagine you got a small blob —or an additional testicle in terms of location— that is full of liquid and blood that must be drained. It took so many hospital appointments to have a vague idea of why it reappeared. And since it grows on my leg, it tends to complicate my movement, especially walking.
A few months ago, I went to another appointment to another hospital; three specialists were there to analyze, explain that “Yeah it's your defenses. Take these pills for a month and that should do” to then proceed to drain it with so much rudeness. I know it's their job to be efficient, but I even said “Ouchie”! :(
Next time it happened, I decided to continue draining it on my own as always heheh. I do it with so much care and love that it doesn't hurt much.
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My uncle (Michael) was paralyzed from the neck down. And the way he lived, it reminded me of how Hazel was trying to live. She didn’t want everyone thinking all she did in her life was have cancer, she wanted to be a person.
Hank and John have affected my view on the world.
I know this is a completely different disease, but my uncle had ALS and at the time that he was dying, I started reading The Fault in Our Stars. I just related so much of what Hazel was going through to what my uncle was going through.
My uncle (Michael) was paralyzed from the neck down. And the way he lived, it reminded me of how Hazel was trying to live. She didn’t want everyone thinking all she did in her life was have cancer, she wanted to be a person.
The last night that I ever saw my uncle, I was checking his vital signs and he asked me to take his hand. I held his hands for a few minutes before saying anything, and then finally he said, “You know, Julianna, with that kind of love and compassion, you could be a nurse.”
I kissed his forehead and walked out of the room, never seeing him again.
You might be thinking, what does this have to do with TFiOS? I just thought of all the people who helped Hazel or Esther in the hospital, and John and Hank have inspired me to help with everything I can. I am a severe Nerdfighter, and a severe person, and I will do all in my power for everyone to never have to go through this.
I am striving to be a nurse now, aiming to work in the ER.
I hope I can save thousands with the inspiration from Hank and John.
-Julianna (julianna-frenched-the-llama)
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