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blusical · 4 months

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Problematic Players and You

(PT: Problematic Players and You)

Trigger Warning: This post discusses several triggering or otherwise sensitive topics, including, but not limited to, abuse sexual assault, bigotry, and violence. Reader discretion is advised. Additional Disclaimer: This is not a post defending the actions of athletes mentioned *nor* is it an attack on said athletes (or their fans!). This is about dealing with serious events involving players as a whole.

Have you ever woke up one day and found out that your favorite race car driver said some not-so savory things? Have you ever checked the news one day and found out a hockey player you love was accused of rape? Are you a new sports fan who did research on an athlete you like only to find out they're a straight up creep? And have you ever asked yourself: “Where the hell do I go from here?” when it comes to merch you’ve already bought or the amount of gifsets you’ve made for them? Well, you’ve come to the right post! Because let’s face it, we’ve (probably) all been there, done that and got the t-shirt (Err, jersey).

First off, what defines a problematic player?

Well... there's not really a set definition. Everyone has a different idea of what's 'problematic' and what isn't. However, there are some deeds that athletes do that are... kind of ick, so any of the following could make them be considered very problematic:

-Bigotry (ex. Racism, homophobia). -Cheating (as in cheating on your spouses. Not cheating as in using PEDs even though that too is also kinda trashy). -Abuse, sexual assault, etc. -Questionable/not so great political opinions.

And then there’s athletes who’ve been involved in so many off-ice controversies and allegations that it’s reached a point where regardless of how many are true or not, and no matter how much new information is revealed, they won’t be well liked by fans (Patrick Kane, anyone?). Okay, but why do athletes do this crap in the first place?

Well... there's a couple theories on why some do these things.

Sometimes mental and environmental factors can influence an athlete’s decision making. Say, if an athlete was abused by a coach when they were young, that might factor into any actions, good or bad, a player makes in the future. In cases of bigoted opinions, athletes are raised to have such opinions.

Age can also play a factor into a player’s actions. The younger they are, the more likely they’re going to do stupid shit (Or so I've noticed, please correct me if I'm wrong lmfao). Again. The theories are limitless. However most of the time athletes do these things because... they chose to do that. And a part of that is being because sports culture. Yeah. Sports culture sucks. Who would've known?

So do problematic athletes... stay problematic forever?

Well, yes and no.

As much as our first instinct is to “cancel” said athletes and pressure them to take accountability, we should also give them a chance to grow when they do take accountability instead of pushing the issue further.

However, that also depends on if they chose to grow. Hell, it depends if they even admit to making a mistake or admitting to guilt at all (which is, unfortunately, very impressive in a society like this). If they don’t.. Well, that’s their choice. Best we can do as fans beyond that point is just spread awareness. Remember: 99% of the time celebs won't listen to their fans. Some will. But do not expect your favorite to do the right thing. You will be disappointed. Another thing to keep in mind is that even if changes to character are made, people (us included) will still probably continue to view them differently for a while. As much as we’d like to put the past behind us, that just isn’t easy. (And besides, in the long term this is probably a good thing, since as fans it’s not our place to forgive; that’s up to the people affected). Actually while we’re at it..

Help! What should I do when an athlete (including my favorite) gets into controversy?

It’s always stressful (and sad) when an athlete you’ve admired and looked up to is eventually outed as a terrible person. It’s even more stressful when you’re a newer fan to sports and you just find out about said problematic deeds.

Well, first thing's first: process your emotions, and feelings. And once you're done crying, screaming, whatever action you're doing to process your feelings, spread awareness if you feel comfortable enough doing so. When spreading awareness though: DO RESEARCH AND ONLY SHARE RELIABLE SOURCES. Unfortunately serious allegations almost always have misinformation popping out. Hell, sometimes "allegations" may just be someone causing trouble on the internet (Corey Perry situation, anyone?). If the source is from a random Twitter user (that doesn't work in journalism), or the source is from a site like Deadspin and/or TMZ or any other site that has a history of clickbait, odds are, it's best to take it with a grain of salt. Team fansites (like RMNB, a Caps site) are also not always reliable, so take caution when reading through them as well.

It's better to stick with actually known sources like ESPN, Bleacher Report or a journalist like Elliotte Friedman. Rick Westhead and Katie Strang are really good journalists when it comes to issues relating to hockey. Additionally, do not expect to know *all* the information. Do not demand all information to come out. Sometimes not everything can be shared for legal reasons. Be patient and wait for everything to come out. And even then, don't expect it to be everything that happened (because again, legal reasons). Also, don't expect other people to talk about the incident in question! Do not guilt others into discussing it, do not force others to post about it. Focus on what you can do before focusing on what others can do! After most information (if not all of it), it's up to you to come to your own conclusions. Lastly, regardless of what your decision is, whether you decide to stop supporting them or you choose to believe they did nothing wrong (for any reason), but you're stuck on what to do anyway... Well... and this is probably anticlimactic I know, what to do is... up to you!

Internet wise, your internet space is your space! Your Tumblr blog is your blog! If you wanna stop posting about that player and also delete every single mention of said player outside of spreading awareness? Great! That’s your choice! Wanna keep said posts up but tag them and/or add a disclaimer! Also great! Wanna keep posting them or writing fics about them? Completely fine! Just tag it accordingly and keep in mind why these folks may not like said players. And *please* continue to be critical of said players when they do something wrong. Your favorite is not immune to criticism.

(In other words, yes Hawks fans, you’re allowed to post your Kane gifs and 1988 fics. Just tag it accordingly. And just know that people *will* probably judge you for it).

One thing you should not do however: DO NOT CENSOR NAMES. This fucks with filters and screenreaders (More in-depth post on this here!).

And because apparently this still needs to be said, don’t wish injury or death on the players and for the love of Wayne Gretzky don’t fucking send harassment to their families (seriously why do people do this fucking garbage holy fuck).

Secondly, don’t buy their jerseys or other merchandise from official sites! They will profit off that. If you've already brought it, don't just throw it out. Instead, leave it in storage, sell it or, if you're good at tailoring, try making something new out of it! Additionally (especially in cases of rape, violence, etc), SUPPORT THE VICTIMS INVOLVED. They need it the most.

What about the folks that continue to support said athletes?

If someone continues to post an athlete that’s done not great things, it’s tempting to educate them and tell them (which, if you’re going to do so, please tell them gently and not yell at them, especially if they’re a newer or younger fan who has zero clue what’s going on) But if they already know (which odds are they probably do unless they’re a newer fan), and/or they refuse to stop posting about them after being told, the best plan of action is to just… leave them alone. Just leave them be. Do not bother them further. Do not harass them. Do not send them threats. And for goodness gracious don’t make a callout post or blocklist of every single supporter of said athlete.

(Seriously attempting to make a long blocklist never ends well, especially since half the time the users on said blocklist turn out to be literal children).

That said though, if your friends/mutuals are actively defending bigoted comments and/or making statements that borderline towards abuse apologism, it’s not a bad idea to hold them accountable in a private setting. Yes I said private setting because most drama can be avoided with a private DM. But other than that... someone still writes 1988 fic? Leave them be! Someone still makes gifsets of Alex Ovechkin? Leave them be! Hell, someone still talks about the Staals? Just leave them be! The best course of action is to… just use the block button and/or filter posts accordingly. That’s literally it lmfao.

But why do people continue to support these athletes anyway?

Well it all comes down to the following: A. They have trouble grappling with the fact that they are, in fact, problematic. B. They’re Neurodivergent (especially autistic or individuals with ADHD), or struggling IRL, and kinda rely on those people to function or get through the day.

C. Detaching yourself from a problematic figure is… really easier said than done. It is not easy at all lmfao. D. They're refuse to listen to info. E. They genuinely have no clue what's going on. Either way. Don't judge too harshly. Not everyone can just stop supporting a person/media and guess what? It's not as easy as 99% of Tumblr dot com thinks. Not everyone can just stop enjoying/liking something. And guess what? That's actually O-KAY. Last thing to know.

Lastly, you, yourself, *could* probably be supporting a problematic player right now! And you would never know until much later! At the end of the day, 99% of athletes have done problematic things one way or another. And honestly, if we tried to get rid of every problematic person... there probably wouldn't be any people left on Earth at all. Yeah, some actions are more shittier than ever, but trying to make everything "unproblematic"... is never going to work no matter how you look at it, and that is OKAY.

Remember the most important rule (stolen from someone on discord with the second edited by me!):

Now get out there and cheer for whatever player you'd like.

(Special thanks to @hard4softthings @saucerfulofsins @tapejob @youneedtolookatthis @restingbuchface @bedardconnor and a bunch of other folks for providing most of the advice/info/tips for this post!)

#post later #hockey culture #hockeyblr #hockey #sports #nhl #pwhl #women's hockey #men's hockey #ask to tag #id in alt #was going to post this tomorrow but considering recent events i feel like it's important for folks to know this #especially since this affects a lot of people #(and as always critique/corrections welcome!)#long post #problematic athletes

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sexynetra · 4 months

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I am on a mission to learn how to draw can you believe these are literally only 4 days apart I’m feeling so pussy pussy cunt cunt rn

#also I know it doesn’t look like Marcia I literally today learned how to draw facial proportions I can’t fuck around too much yet #also I liquified her she wrong so it’s a lil fucked up but #I’m v proud :)#didn’t even touch hair or body or anything but that’s fine I just want to learn to draw Marcia’s face right #that’s goal one #I will not rest until I get this down #I will become the expert in drawing Marcia’s face #also do you love that I can’t remember any makeup look except the red and white one #I’ve used it for like 6 drawings of her now #anyways it’s crazy what a single 10 minute video on how to properly proportion a face can do #also I don’t know what my style is yet bc I just started so obviously that factors into things #anyways!#artist advice is always welcome critique might (will) make me cry :)#encouragement is always… encouraged 😉#anyways I’m v happy with myself #even though I opened the canvas and lost track of time and blinked and it was 2 am #also can I just say it took me a few tries but I’m loving the lettering on her name :)#okay that’s it I’m going to brush my teeth and fall asleep #also I’m still trying to figure out all the secrets of procreatepls aid #marcia #marcia x3 #marcia marcia marcia #drag race fanart #my art #also there’s only a one hour difference between how long it took to do these that’s so funny #wow #also in my defense!#I was trying out different styles so I was trying to copy a more cartoonish style #but still :)#also it looks so warm on my phone rn bc I have night mode on but the colors are so pretty on my iPad :) and presumably here once night mode

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silverfiligree3 · 8 months

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a very weird hamlet comic ft. the lyrics to mitski's first love/late spring I did during senior year of art school

#hamlet #procreate #comic #tw nudity #watercolor #hamlet art #mitski #the actual brief was like a two page comic with text and multiple characters I think? something like that #I got this assignment literally the same day we had put my cat down so I went to class over zoom #and uh #did not know how to process that grief so extremely niche and weird comic was how I went #I worked so hard on trying to make the reader feel something with it #and it got so torn apart in the eventual critique for being uncomfortable and 'gross' which was very humbling bc it was not what I intended #I actually don't remember the crit being in person #but I do remember crying after so maybe it was zoom #all this to say you go sad past me this *is* weird and niche and u did ur best #anyway thanks for listening to the lore #perhaps more hamlet stuff soon #requests welcome for lit art always

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mike-haters-dni · 1 year

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Holy shit guys real leaked st5 script pages

#the trouble i went to to format and export this #critiques welcome #idk how well i explained the very specific emotions i always imagine when writing #scenes from st5 #mileven #fanfiction #stranger things

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ranas-twisted-wonderland · 6 months

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YURENA REDESIGN!!!!

because I can never just like the first design of a character I make—

#twisted wonderland #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #twst yuu #twst #yuusona #yurena lovelace #I might share the little origin story thing I wrote in my creative writing class for my babygirl yurena #her story is based off of amphibia w/ her being the marcy character part #and her design is kind of ghost-y #iunno tho #rana’s art #I’ll prolly post it in a bit #critique is always welcome!!!!#okay I need to stop adding more in the tags than in the actual post

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doodlesandnaps · 4 months

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Hi-

Just a silly gal, being a silly goose (totally not hinting at a project coming this December...)

Introducing the star of the soccer team, member of the anti-cats club, Akemi Baker (16)!

With a soft storm for hair and spilled ink for eyes, Akemi's spicy as a pepper, but as sweet as honey on the inside.

Fun facts:

- She/her --- bisexual

- (Soon to be) Dating Lotus

- Wholeheartedly believes dogs are superior to cats

- Please, don't bring up the scars (and don't hold anything made of glass near her. Seriously don't be an ass.)

- Has missed soccer practice to pet a stray

- (Eventually) adopts a husky named Milo

#traditional art #art #artists on tumblr #orginal drawing #oc #orginal work #orginal character #original art #critique wanted #art criticism #critique is always welcomed #hope you enjoy #illustration

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timefadesaway · 1 year

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you can never make a critique of the beauty industry on this website and have it sufficiently engaged with because all the idiots will crawl out of the woodwork to go oh but you should wear sunscreen to stop you getting cancer oh did you know botox has medicinal value like for headaches oh we shouldn't disavow plastic surgery entirely what about reconstructive surgery like regardless of the truth of what you are saying your little positive smiley-faced gotcha is not adding what you think it is adding. this is on posts and pieces written very very clearly about cosmetics, about the concept of and invention of and maintenance of beauty through obsession and self-destruction and pressuring other people into jumping off the cliff with you. it is so obvious what these posts are about that the little side-steps to argue something that was very obviously not the point, very obviously a misread or a bad-faith judgement, are detracting from that point in such a banal and insidious way that it's just so deeply annoying and prevents any actual discussion or any learning or idea-sharing because everyone is too busy nitpicking the obvious and moralising about nothing in particular. i mean maybe it's on purpose and perhaps it hit a nerve somewhere deep down, though i know these people aren't prone to that level of introspection so we'll never know. that's probably giving too much credit actually main takeaway from this post is LEARN TO FUCKING READ before we all eat ourselves alive

#you can also never make a critique of the beauty industry on this website because of the terfs at any x degrees of separation from you #we should so obviously be listening to - and including - trans women in particular in these discussions due to the violence #they may experience if they did not militarily adhere to feminine beauty standards #as always terfs you are not welcome here kill yourself

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octopus-ink-pen · 4 months

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Working a bit on gesture drawing and moving into more dynamic poses. Hey still look stuff. Maybe adding more anatomy would help? Or just add more curves and establishing a line of action…

#daily sketch #pencil drawing #art fundamentals #art practice #art #drawing practice #practice makes perfect #anatomy drawing #daily practice #gesture drawing #dynamic poses #art progress #always learning #art critique #constructive criticism #constructive critism welcome

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nardacci-does-art · 2 years

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A drawing from Bubonicon that I forgot about, whoops. This ocean researcher was sent down to collect samples from a shipwreck, passing thru a cloud of jellyfish, & was struck with a moment of awe & wonder.

#nardacci art #I love going to panels at cons but I always have to doodle #just helps me pay attention #critique welcome

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4w000 · 8 months

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I'm avoiding my dash till I'm caught up with fionna & cake but hey check out these suuuper WIP-y concept drawings for a magical girl project I've got cooking in the back B-)

(don't reblog please :-P)

characters as pictured are like 15-16 btw

(yes I realize that having a pink blobby princess is,, rather similar to PB, but I drew her before I got back into AT + her design is important both plot-wise & thematically, so it's too late to change her up majorly)

#posting tag #not looking for critiquing but feedback/suggestions are always welcome! ^^

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faggotry-enjoyer · 4 months

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https://definitions.uslegal.com/d/death-threat/

Under state criminal codes, which vary by state, it is an offense to knowingly utter or convey a threat **to cause** death or bodily harm to any person.

It is also an offense to threaten to burn, destroy or damage property or threaten to kill, poison or injure an animal or bird that belongs to a person.

You got hate, possibly a threat. A death threat is not what happened. You argue pedantics of how trauma survivors, POC, and more marginalized groups speak constantly and I think it's okay to do it to you as well.

I understand that you want attention (turning back on anon asks) but you can seriously be doing better for yourself. Obviously what that person said is out of line and I don't share the same sentiments, but you can't claim to be the victim of something that serious in this case. I hope you grow up a little but I don't want to facilitate it. Learn to recognize your white, goy, financially well position of power over other people and try to understand why so many people are upset with you.

Sincerely, someone who has been through worse and is still a decent person through it all.

i concede that the other ask may not have technically been a death threat. i maintain that focusing on that technicality here is messed up - someone just told me they want me to die. that's frightening no matter how you cut it.

in general, i actually tend to find the progressive fixation on language very frustrating. i only talk about language like that when it's actively harmful, and even then i know there's a time and a place.

for example, i talk on here about how phrases like "narcissistic abuse" contribute to demonization of personality disorders, but i would never choose to focus on that if somebody used the term when talking to me about their own trauma, because i know that's not the most important thing in that moment by a long shot. you do understand the difference between the two, right? hell, in this vein i even share stuff that has this kind of saneist language i would otherwise object to, because i'm capable of recognizing when terminology is a distraction.

the other one you probably have in mind is the way i discuss the misuse of terms like zionism, or dogwhistles more generally. and here? if you genuinely think that the kind of rhetoric that gets jews killed is on the same level as using somewhat stronger language than necessary while shaken, that's a you issue. especially because the people i'm talking to with this one are western leftists, who have left jews out of their activism for years and completely abandoned them since october 7th, to say nothing of the more active antisemitism. i'm not talking to palestinians who are directly affected, i'm talking to people who have the power to foment the kind of antisemitism that, again, gets jews killed. the western left are not in any way the victims here.

i didn't turn anon asks back on for attention, i did it because i usually prefer it that way and i'd hoped enough time had passed since the last unsettling anons i got. the blocklist dropped after that.

you don't get to decide that i can do better for myself, and i don't want you to facilitate my "growing up" either. i don't need the mentorship of cowards who won't dare to show their face when they condescend to me.

fascinating choice to bring up my goyische position of power here. for one, do you really think i'm unaware of that? the thing that i'm talking and sharing about every day? for two, in case you didn't notice, somebody just told me they want me to die because i stood up for jews. that's antisemitism. does it have the same kind of impact on me that it does on jews? not at all, not by any stretch of the imagination. this is a small, small taste of the kind of thing they go through on a daily basis. and even this is unnerving. do you think i don't know how much worse it is for them? do you think i don't come on here and listen to their pain every single day? you are using jews as a prop to get one over on me and it's not working. the day i shut up about antisemitism is the day i die. the day i abandon jews for the approval of other leftists is the day i die.

dressing your suck it up mentality in progressive language doesn't make it any less callous.

i'm sorry that you went through worse - genuinely, i am - and i'm sorry that you feel the need to assert that when someone dares to go through less than you did. it's sad to see the amount of cognitive dissonance on display here and i wish you well in resolving it.

#faggotry enjoyer asks #as always jewish mutuals/followers/etc you are welcome to correct critique etc. esp w point 7 #i don't mean to be positioning myself as an expert here by any means

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whiskeyswifty · 1 year

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Thank you for answering so thoughtfully :) I’ll have to check out some of the critics you mentioned. And yeah it seems like my IRL fan circle just feels differently so that’s my reference point. As always thanks for your thoughts!

No problem! The NYT Popcast is always my favorite for music criticism, especially when they get the gang together (jon caramonica, joe coscarelli, karen ganz, JP, and bonus favs Wesley Morris and Lindsay Zoladz) and often times you can't tell if they like it or not because they'd rather just discuss it on merit. i always read anything they all write as well. Pitchfork everyone knows is the basement halsey wished would collapse in one of the funniest twitter misfires ever lmaooooooo. classic. they're also a really really thoughtful and critical site that rates albums quite controversially, but just know they err on the side of indie stuff so mainstream isn't really their forte (i.e. expect them to be harsh on your pop girlie favs). Switched on Pop features the Vox musicologists and songwriters who break down songs more from a craft angle, always fun. There are others i can't think of, or they're colleagues who i don't really want to put out there cuz swifties are very trigger happy with the hatemail and doxing soooo.... i'm protective of them.

I enjoy engaging with you as well and discussing the different experiences we both have. Also, just want to say the opinions of your IRL fan circle are just as valid as mine! our two circles might not have many overlapping traits that make for different responses to the same album, but they're all fans of hers and all of their opinions are equally as valid. i probably should have been more specific about how i personally felt the general feelings about midnights were meh in my post, and less implying that everyone's experiences mirrored mine. i still feel on the whole that folklore was received with rapturous applause and midnights less so, and i don't want to discount your experiences but i don't want to discount my own either. ultimately, there are always better ways for me to be less generalizing as i ramble about my experiences, and i very much appreciate you reminding me of that and i'll try to keep that in mind for future posts!

#i've had some real bone head anons lately so always nice to have someone genuinely interested in discussion #and differing experiences and takes #and who has a thoughtful critique! always welcome

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thelasanga-is-poisoned · 1 year

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bury me under flowers

lately i’ve been remembering dreams.

confusing dreams, angry dreams, anxious dreams.

i know a girl who says

dreams are just the you from another life

i've never believed that

i'm not someone who believes in much

my dreams are of my body planted in a garden

where one day

all of me will melt into the ground

and the roots of roses will grow

around my bones

holding me tight

forever

and nothing i have ever done

was ever

real

only the pearly bones

only the flowers

only the tiny parts of person

just floating away on the breeze.

#my poetry #death #dreams #lasanga writes #poem #poetry #alone #critiques always welcome!!!#posting just to get better

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rebeccccccaaa · 1 month

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Too Sweet

______________

Spencer Reid x Reader

:: Practically at his beck and call, Spencer knows you’re too sweet for him. He knows he shouldn’t use you but he can’t stop himself when you’re also all too enthusiastic to fuck him ::

warnings :: smutttt, casual sex (kinda lol), oral (fem receiving), over stimulation, insomnia!spencer, spencer spitting facts (literally), reader is described to have hair length long enough to stick to your cheeks, obviously reader is described as afab, not sure what else i should tag so let me know what i miss :)

author’s notes :: hello, hello! honestly i saw this tik tok edit of spencer with this song (Too Sweet - Hozier) and felt a bit inspired by it and also loosely by lyrics too. please be kind as it’s been a couple years since i last wrote a fic and it’s my first one about dr reid too, so let me know if you guys like it, comment, reblog, all that jazz and critiques are more than welcome! Enjoy!

WC :: ~4k

_______________

It was pretty late into the night, it was the first weekend in weeks that the team was able to really enjoy. Spencer sat in a corner of his apartment, a glass of whiskey sat on the table as he flipped the pages of a book he’s read a thousand times before, albeit it was one of favorites.

He was hesitant to call, he didn’t want to pull you away from enjoying your weekend but when it came to his pleasure, he put himself first. You were always too nice to say no to him and he knew that. It made him feel sleazy sometimes, but this was who he was now. Rugged, damaged, fucked up. He’d been through a lot. But in those moments where you squirmed and whined beneath him, he felt satiated. You were his drug now.

“Hello?” he mumbled when the call picked up.

“Spencer,” your voice was a whisper as you practically sang his name.

“You’re awake,” he said.

“Yes,” you responded.

“It’s a little late don’t you think?” he poked.

“Then why are you calling?”

You knew why he was calling. He only ever wanted one thing from you when the sky was dark. You didn’t mind it though. You basked in it. You kind of liked it. The feeling of having sex without commitment. Your job didn’t give you enough time for a commitment. You didn’t feel humiliated or belittled by Spencer’s desires. In fact, his lust for you turned you on in most cases. Most.

Spencer was still a good friend to you. Regardless of sleeping with him, he was your closest friend. And recently, you noticed changes in him. Maybe you’ve kept a closer eye on him more than before but you were a little concerned. You had the right after everything he’s been through. He seemed more tired than usual, even though he was still punctual with work. Although you didn’t sleep in his bed after every time you slept together, when you did, you pretended not to notice his exits and long absences in between the long hours of the night. You could barely hear his ever so quiet footsteps roaming the living room. The clanking of coffee mugs in the kitchen and his quiet ‘Shit’ when he thought he was being too loud.

Three subtle knocks rapped his door, so quiet Spencer would’ve missed if he had breathed just a bit louder. A grin spread across his face subconsciously, glancing at the clock before taking long strides to the door. It was almost midnight. You stood in the doorway with heavy eyes, not the drunk kind, but the tired kind. He moved aside to let you in. Just like last time; and all the other times you showed up at his door for him.

“I thought you went out tonight,” he questioned, rhetorically.

“I did. For a bit,” you told him, “I just had one drink, then went home.”

“What are you doing up so late?” you asked, you already know the answer. And Spencer knows you know too, though he tried at first to be more subtle in his nightly fixtures. He simply sighed with amusement. You set your things down on his couch, eyes adjusting to the dim lights that hardly lit the room. The glass sitting on the table in the corner caught your eyes though.

“What are you drinking?” you asked.

“Uh, whiskey. Neat.”

“Ew, why?” you joked.

“It’s not that bad,” he shrugged. A whiskey wouldn’t exactly be Spencer’s first choice of drink but then again his first choice of drink wouldn’t even be alcohol. If it was, he would probably be content with a beer, or something of the sort. He was sort of going through a phase during nights. He was sleeping a lot less too.

“I just didn’t take you for a whiskey kind of guy,” you teased.

“What kind of guy did you take me for?” he poked; he wasn’t really talking about drinks anymore though.

“Water,” you joked, making him laugh.

Spencer stood before you now. His hands were slightly hesitant this time to rest on your hips.

“Is everything ok, Spencer?” you asked him.

“Yes,” his voice was a whisper.

You didn’t believe him, but you knew better than to press him. He was a stubborn guy and whether you did or didn’t you weren’t going to get an answer. You slid your hands up his chest before cupping the back of his neck with your hands. The kiss was chaste. You didn’t want to sleep with him if he was having second thoughts.

“Are you sure? If you’ve changed your mind I can head hom-,” you were telling him.

“No, don’t,” he rushed out.

“I’m fine; I just haven’t been sleeping well,” he confessed. This surprised you, not because you didn’t know, but because you didn’t think he would tell you.

“Well, then maybe I should go. That way you can finally get to bed before the sun comes up for once,” you joked with him, “Besides, you’re the one who's always telling people how important sleep is to the human body.”

Your words shocked Spencer this time. Admittedly, in the back of mind he suspected that you could sense him leaving his bed, or your bed sometimes, and that one or more times he’d been a little loud dwindling in the next room. But he didn’t realize you were fully aware of his nightly escapades. You knew him too well. You were too sweet to him. Spencer knew after all the fucked up things he’s been through he didn’t deserve your friendship; or anything more despite the fact.

“Did you know that elephants sleep the least of any other animal?” he told you, he doesn’t know why. Maybe to distract you, or seduce you. Both outcomes came often enough for him to make it a guessing game.

“You’re not an elephant.”

And then there were the ultra rare times when neither outcome happened; just now being one of them.

“Sleep deprivation has been associated with reduced sexual desire and arousal,” he tried again.

“Well, I can help with that,” you teased. There we go.

He leaned down to kiss your lips but you pulled back in tease, smile on your face; you knew how pussywhipped you had this man. He didn’t want to fight it, he was growing desperate for you with every passing second. Rolling his eyes, he dipped his head in the crook of your neck. His hands left your hips, pulling you closer to him from your waist and lower back. Your hands began to unbutton his shirt, he was still wearing the clothes you saw him working in earlier that day.

You stopped him, never been one to have sex anywhere other than the bedroom, taking his hand already knowing where to go after doing so many times before already. Although, it wasn’t like his apartment was a confusing labyrinth. He followed you like always.

You reached the edge of the bed, sitting instinctively. Your hand went straight to his belt, undoing it with ease. Spencer pulled your hands away from his hips before sinking to his knees to the ground. He pulled your hips to the very edge, scratching the skin as he desperately pulled at your pants bringing them down your legs. Of course you let him.

He pushed you back and you fell on your elbows, still able to see him so clearly. See him dip his head and kiss the skin on the inside of your knee, his eyes lingering on yours. You let your head go for a second, basking in the feeling of his lips. They always made you feel so warm and tingly. One thing about Spencer, he loved foreplay. All the little things that lead up to sex. Most of the time, he craved the foreplay more than the sex itself.

He moved your legs over his shoulders, his arms wrapping around your thighs, his hands holding your hips. His nose ran along your inner thighs. Your skin erupted in goosebumps at the feeling of his warm breath coming from his nose. His fingers fiddled against your hip bones and you wiggled a bit becoming desperate by the minute for something more than just this teasing.

“Spence,” you whined, looking back at him.

“It doesn’t matter how many times we do this, you’ll never learn patience will you?” Spencer bartered.

“Spencer, I don’t come to you to learn patience,” you spat, not with any malice however.

“You won’t come at all with that attitude,” he snapped back, hiding a grin between your legs.

“Spencer!” you gasped.

He chuckled lowly, bringing his hand between your thighs, pulling your underwear to the side to expose you to him. You were glistening, slick beginning to leak from you already. Spencer could feel himself getting hard. He precariously tried to not buck his hips into the bed like horny teenager.

“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.

He stepped up quickly letting your legs drop harshly. His fingers curled over the hem of your underwear pulling them down and tossing behind his shoulder before returning to his previous position. He felt like he was possessed. Acting and moving like it was primal, instinctive. He wanted nothing more in this moment than to satisfy you.

He kissed all the places except the place you needed the most. You curled your toes anticipating his next move, longing for his lips, tongue, fingers, anything to bring you pleasure. Just when you were about to sit up, ready to nag at him, his lips wrapped around your bud.

Your shoulders gave out at the feeling. Your body electrifying instantaneously. Your eyes trained on the ceiling, focusing on everything about Spencer in this moment, the sounds, his touch, his tongue. His tongue dipping in you every now and then, making you moan feverishly. His hands spread out, pinning your hips down to the bed to try and get you to stop wiggling your hips, but he wasn’t too successful in that.

“Knock it off,” he groaned, removing a hand wrapped around your leg to bring his fingers to your entrance.

“It’s not enough; I need more,” you whined.

“No, you want more,” he debuted, “You’re being greedy.”

“And you’re being mean,” you quipped, you always had something to retort.

“Ok, fine,” he stood up.

“Stop!” you whined, “Please, come back. Do whatever you want.”

“I will,” he sat on his knees again, instantly bringing his fingers up to rub slow circles that made your toes curl.

He purposefully let them every now and then prod at your entrance make your hips jerk in surprise. He could see how wet you were, all of the slick telling him how needy you were. He looked up to look at your face. His eyes catching your nipples peeking through the fabric of your shirt from the pleasure already, smiling to himself.

“Sexual arousal can cause an increase in blood flow to not just female genitalia, but also the breasts,” he told you, feeling your thighs squeeze ever so slightly.

“Is that your way of telling me my nipples are hard because of you?” you teased.

“Yes,” he stated before diving straight back between your thighs.

His tongue did circles like his fingers, the wetness and warmth much more stimulating than before. His fingers slid inside you, curling when he couldn’t push them any further. You moaned out, reaching your hand down to comb your fingers through Spencer’s shaggy hair. The noises of everything bounced off the walls of Spencer’s shallow bedroom. It sounded vulgar but so sexy. Your heavy breathing practically syncing together.

Your thighs squeezed more and more as you got closer to your climax; you didn’t care if you were suffocating Spencer. If he died, he died pleasuring you and neither of you minded it in this moment. Your hips grinding against his tongue chasing you release frantically. Spencer pumped his fingers in and out of you rapidly, leading you to ecstasy.

Your breaths became shaking, as did your moans. You were overcome with pleasure as your orgasm hit you so suddenly. You could feel Spencer’s smile growing against you, you knew that he wasn’t going to withdraw despite reaching your climax.

“Oh god, too much, Spence.”

“First it was not enough, now it’s too much?” he taunted you, fingers still pumping in and out you strenuously.

“Spence!” you wailed, your voice trembling embarrassingly.

When he wouldn’t give out, you pulled at his hair as you sat up and pulled his mouth away from between your thighs.

“Oh ow, ow, ow!” he whined.

“Jesus, you were gonna give me a heartache,” you whined.

“Actually the possibility of having a heart attack during sexual activity is exceedingly low. So you wouldn’t have had anything to worry about; if anything you would get a small headache,” he explained.

“You’re giving me a headache,” you whined, making him laugh.

You pulled him from the back of his neck, crashing his lips against yours. You loved to kiss Spencer. You always felt the closest to him physically when you kissed. Which is ironic since he was quite literally inside you most nights. Kissing, the art of kissing, was practically your love language. You always gave small pecks when you were together, privately of course.

Spencer was worried at first, that kissing was too intimate that things would complicate fast and feelings would get hurt. But as time went on and things continued to stay normal between you, he just began to relish in it rather than worry about nothing. At least that’s what he’s convinced himself of.

He suddenly remembered the first time you slept together. You were in his apartment one night going over some details of the case. Nothing so major, or frightening, but something wasn’t adding up. You decided to take a break, cracking open some beers and just talk. One beer became two, then three, then four and then suddenly bottles littered the pitiful coffee table in front of you. You were very clear with him, “I don’t just sleep with anybody.” But you were a woman with needs just as much as Spencer was a man, “Neither do I.”

“Things have to stay the way they are if we do this,” he told you that night.

“They will,” you assured him.

You rested your forehead against his seeing his eyes seem different. Spencer always did this. Everytime, just for a minute or even a second, he would disappear behind his eyes, like he was reminiscing on a memory you couldn’t describe.

“You did that thing again,” you said with a small grin on your face.

“I know,” he blushed, “Sorry.”

“You ever gonna tell me what you’re thinking about when you do that?” you questioned.

“Nope,” he smirked, making you giggle.

Spencer stood straight up shagging his shirt off before scrambling out of his pants. He crawled back over you settling his hips between your thighs as he dipped his head down to attach his lips to your neck. Your hand curled around his neck, sliding your fingers through his hair as his breath and lips tickled your skin. Your hips fit together snuggly, grinding against desperate to chase each other’s highs.

Spencer reached into the drawer beside your head to pull out a condom. You snatched it from his hands with a devilish smirk on your face tearing it with your teeth. You spat the foil corner from your mouth, pulling the condom from its package before tossing it aside. You reached between your bodies stroking Spencer. His face blushing red, contorting with pleasure as it’s the first of the night to feel some sort of friction he needed from the beginning. The reason he called you in the first place.

Spencer let his hands trace your skin. Though you wouldn’t react, your skin erupted in goosebumps. Feeling him prodding against your entrance, your breath hitched, your heart skipping a beat. You always anticipated this part. No matter how many times you and Spencer spent the night together, you couldn’t ever get used to the flips your stomach made at this time.

Spencer pushed his hips into you, his length stroking your walls making your hum in delight. Spencer’s breath became heavy as he pulled out just enough before rutting back in you with skill. Your face began to feel hot as Spencer began to find a good rhythm. You could feel the sweat building on your forehead, the air cold against your scalp.

You looked at Spencer’s face; the veins bulging from his forehead and his neck. You cupped his cheek with your hand, catching his rhythm with your hips. Your breath became heavy, your hums became moans. Spencer wasn’t exactly the most vocal lover you laid with. Not that Spencer was your lover of course. That‘s not what you meant.

“What’s going on in that pretty little brain?” Spencer’s voice took you from your sudden trance; his pace beginning to slow. He brought his hand to your face, pulling the stray hairs that stuck to your cheeks from your sweat away.

“Nothing, just don’t stop,” you sighed, pulling his lips down to yours again.

Spencer picked up his pace again, the sound of skin slapping echoing in the room. You felt overcome with an ambitious heat throughout your body. You pushed Spencer’s shoulders up trying your best to cool down without stopping your chase to your high. Spencer sat on his knees gripping your hips, practically ramming his hips into yours. Your back arched and you gripped the sheets beneath you.

“Oh god, fuck,” you cried out. Your thighs squeezing Spencer’s torso as you began to get closer to your climax.

“Shit, it’s like I can’t get enough no matter how many times I have you squirming beneath me,” he gloated.

You could see Spencer's chest begin to get red, his knuckles however turning white. Your hands reached down gripping his wrists. Prying them away, before sitting up to straddle his legs, as they stretched forward, adjusting comfortably. You held on to his shoulders sturdily, finding an entirely new rhythm to chase your high.

Spencer’s hands ran up your back, sliding under your shirt that you had yet to take off. No wonder you were overwhelmed with heat. He peeled the tight fabric from your skin, tossing it to the ground like he has so many times before. He unhooked your bra with ease, his eyes instantly trained to your chest. He couldn’t help his hands following, massaging the soft skin. Spencer looked up to you as you bounced up and down. Sweat dripping seductively down the valley of your breasts.

“You’re so pretty,” Spencer whispered, staring up at you.

“I know,” you joked breathlessly, giving him a playful wink.

Spencer let out a breathy laugh at that. The both of you were itching for a release now. Your bodies squirming against one another, aching to give the other the release. You leaned back placing your hands on his thighs, moving your hips faster and harder than before.

“Spencer, I’m getting close, I feel it,” you whimpered, “Please tell me you’re close too.”

“I’m close,” he breathed out.

“Fuck,” you cried.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let go,” Spencer mused, he reached between you two, fingers circling quickly between your thighs to bring you to climax even faster.

You gasped out, chest heaving as you felt the waves of pleasures wash over you suddenly. You couldn’t help the loud moans escaping from you as you threw your head back; arched back and thighs tensed. Spencer’s hand held your body close to himself, and you curled forward wrapping your arms around his head as you climaxed indefinitely. Spencer grunted below you, his legs stiffening and jerking upward. Curses whispered from his lips.

“Oh, shit,” you gasped, relaxing and slumping your body over Spencer.

“Treat me good, like always,” he whispered, his hand coming briefly to stroke your hair gently.

He rolled you over, laying you lazily on his bed before climbing out of the bed swiftly. He stumbled his way to dispose of the rubber. He grabbed a small towel from a drawer along with something to cover himself. He sat silently on the edge of the bed, gently cleaning you as your eyes slowly blinked, telling him you were exhausted.

“You want to stay the night? I can see how tired you are.”

“I’ll be gone first thing in the morning,” you quipped with a small grin on your face.

Spencer laid beside you, covering your body with the blankets. You curled by his side, your leg falling over his hips. He turned the lights out, but the soft golden glow from the lights in the room next door streamed in. His arm wrapped around you, fingers softly stretching your back. Steady breaths against his chest gave him a sense of comfort. He was always a bit jealous how easily sleep came to you; how peaceful you looked when you did. Spencer tried to close his eyes. He tried to let rest wash over him like a blanket. What felt like seconds was an hour. And another hour. He peeked at his watch laying on the nightstand beside him, three o’clock the time read.

Sighing, he sneaked out of bed, careful to not wake you. He skulked towards the kitchen, eyeing the small glass of whiskey still on the table. He couldn’t help smirk to himself over it. He opened the cabinet grabbing a mug, pouring a bitter liquid into it. He took a big swig of his favorite beverage, basking in all the flavors, when suddenly a beautiful figure stood before him.

“Hey,” his voice was quiet.

“I’m guessing you haven’t slept,” you tiptoed your way to him, you could hear him sighing.

“Is there anything at all I can do to help you?” you whispered, carefully placing your hand on Spencer’s warm back.

“No, but having you here is enough.”

You were beginning to blur the lines between your arrangement and your friendship. But neither you nor Spencer could muster up the courage to stop what you’ve started. Spencer indulged in your sweetness, the way you were always there to satiate his desires, the way you opened yourself to him like heaven’s gate. And you, well you would never admit it. Being in love with Spencer that is. You’ve known him for years; seen the best parts of him and helped him through the worst. You knew him the best of anyone you’ve known before. And he could say the same too. He’s never opened up to anyone as much as he has to you.

You were perfect for each other. And yet, Spencer wouldn’t allow himself to bask in it. He truly believed he didn’t deserve you. That all the demons that haunted him in these dark hours were undeserving of your kindness, compassion, gentleness. Simply thinking about you was often enough to calm him in tense situations. But he would never tell you this. So here he was, standing in the kitchen with his coffee black at three in the morning wondering why you couldn’t see that he would never be enough for you.

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