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blackcur-rants · 2 years

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TO FIND YOUR WAY ON THE PATH UNWINDING

“¿Quien es tu?” Sebastian Noceda asked the mysterious figure who approached him out of the mist and fog.

The stranger stayed taciturn, his pale face motionless as he looked at Sebastian. He was a tall man dressed in garb that could been from any time between Shakespeare and Ford.

He spoke with the same calm and measured diction of the old Reverend back in Gravesfield.

“Do you know Doctor Richard Wittebane?” Sebastian asked at last, voice trembling with curiosity.

The stranger smiled.

“No, my friend” the stranger said after much trepidation, “He could be a cousin of mine, born long after my time in Mortal Realms. Our surname is not a common one, to be quite honest. It is a very specific name for a highly particular occupation”.

“Was that…weaving or wood carving, by any chance?” Sebastian asked again, “The Reverend’s son Joseph took up wood-carving not long before the fire that took me away from my wife and child”.

“Killers” the stranger replied, his voice trembling with grief and self-directed rage, “My father, Reverend Samuel Wittebane, and my uncle, William Wittebane, and my grandfather, Edgar Wittebane…they were all Witchfinders in the Old World and the New. My brother Philip and my cousin Roger also wanted to join in on our family crusade…but they were too young to wield more than sticks and fake torches. And Uncle Edward was too much of a drunken lout to be of much use at anything, to be quite honest”.

“That’s very interesting, mi amigo” Sebastian said, “My family came from Spain. We were Jewish, and the Inquisition drove us from our homes when the Catholic Monarchs came to power over Granada. One of my ancestors was Jaime Noceda, a name cleverly disguised…”

“How so?” the stranger asked.

“Well in Hebrew” Sebastian responded as he summoned a can of Coca Cola into his hand, “Hayim means life and sounds like the Spanish name Jaime, while Noceda sounds like “No ceda”, or “Does not yield” in Spanish. So it sounded like it just meant “James of the Walnut Grove”, but it actually meant “Life does not yield”. It was a subtle reminder to the Monarchy of Spain and to the Inquisition and to the Church as well that we would never surrender our faith or our true souls to the false image of the Cross”.

“Once I thought I would be like that in what I thought was the Realm of the Devil. My father named me after one of the spies whom Moses sent into the Land of Canaan to scout the cities of the Gentiles” the stranger said whilst refreshing himself with the gift that Sebastian had given to him a few minutes ago, “and for a while, I thought it was my destiny to bring the Witches down from within”.

“So your name is Joshua, then?” Sebastian asked the stranger, “My father was a big fan of the author Sebastian Keith and all of his corny old mystery stories. So when he met Mama in college, they decided on that name because of how much they loved those silly books. It’s funny, isn’t it Josh, where parents get the names of their children?”.

“My name is actually Caleb” the stranger sighed out at last with a slight chuckle, “Think it means “Dog” in Hebrew”.

“Good solid name” Sebastian responded, “It evokes the sense of a loyal person who sticks true to their principles no matter what the squalls of common idiots say and regards those they love with the utmost affection and steadfast loyalty”.

Caleb chuckled lightly to himself.

“I think my father gave me that name to set my life’s path as that of a hunter who would not be swayed off the trail and would chase down and kill Witches like a dog kills foxes and rats and rabbits to bring to its master. And Philip was named so that he would come to love the steadfastness and dogged determination of the old workhorse that ploughed our fields back home. Our father…Oh how he loved symbolic names like that”.

(No one tell him that horses were the sacred animal of the pagan deity Poseidon, he who might very well have been Lord of the Underworld in Ye Olde Mycenaean Times).

“I’m not immune to symbolic names myself, to be quite honest. My father in law, old Arturo Marchena, was named by his father Samuel Marchena after old King Arthur of Logres, as a reminder of the heroic struggle he and his friends were fighting against Trujillo. And I think Cami’s own mother named her in honour of an old Arabic word for “Beauty” because she and her husband both regarded Cami as the most beautiful thing in their entire lives. They…were both sentimental like that”.

“What about your siblings?” Caleb asked.

“Neither of us had any siblings, to be quite honest” Sebastian responded, “We were both only children and so was our precious Luz…”

“I know of her quite well, Sebastian” Caleb said.

“Tell me, is she…okay?” Sebastian asked, “I have not seen her in a long time”.

“She has definitely won my long-dead heart” Caleb said back, “If you wish to know, she also won the heart and loyalty and saved both the life and the soul of one of my descendants, good old Edalyn, the Owl Lady of Bonesborough, Boiling Isles. I don’t know if my descendants would ever have reconciled without Luz’s help”.

“Beg your pardon?” Sebastian asked, remembering his little Luz as a fussy little thing who needed to be stopped from eating puzzle pieces, had to be read at least two fairy tales per night before she would go to sleep, and had just brought explosives and wild animals just to act out her Azura book report the last time he’d seen her.

“See, when I fell in love with Tabitha Clawthorne and carved my Familiar Flapjack to celebrate becoming a Witch, Philip declared the both of us to be abominations before God, and he tried to cut open Tabitha from head to groin in order to kill both her and our children in the womb. I couldn’t let that happen, and so I fought against my own brother and he struck me down in cold blood. The last thing I heard before I died was Philip declaring loudly that Babylon would fall before Tabby successfully fought him off”.

“Yet sadly, Philip...could not be stopped. He schemed to acquire the knowledge to exterminate the Boiling Isles like the Lord wiping a dish. And so he learned of that strangest and most ridiculous of all the Servants of the True Dark Lord…Gallitzur the Collector of Souls. And it was this Fallen Cherub who taught my brother a spell to drain the Life Force of an entire nation. To help him accomplish all this horror, Philip took my bones and mixed them with stolen pieces of magic to make Grimwalkers, enslaved clones that he alone could control. And with these mindslaves whom he nevertheless always killed, destroyed, and obliterated in the end, Philip rechristened himself Belos the Wise and broke the Children of the Isles, destroying their cities and using our father’s old rhetoric about Satan, Hellfire, Brimstone, and Damnation and the Papist Tricks nearly used against the London Parliament to get them to sell their souls to him and his…Golden Guard. He then sealed their magic into Nine Schools, with one of them just being for the purple goop substance the Witches of the Isles use to create what your folklore calls “Golems”. Then he further set everyone against one another by making his own Emperor’s Coven the only one that could use All Nine Schools. So cunning and insidious was this manipulation that Eda’s own older sister Lilith cursed her own younger sibling with being fused to a primordial Owl Beast unto the End of Time. And over time, the Owl Beast consumed more and more of Eda’s essence, till she would have become the creature permanently and in all likelihood would have been captured and petrified by Philip’s hideous government…until Luz caused Lilith to see the truth of her actions and though she could not undo the Owl Beast Curse forever…she did choose to share the curse with her sister so that it could become less bad”.

Sebastian was left a little shook by Caleb’s words, and he breathed softly in and out and out and in as he tried to control his emotions, which ranged in magnitude and intensity from wanting to punch Lilith Clawthorne in the face as soon as he met her to thanking the Lord that he himself had never been given any siblings.

“Philip was too distracted by his thoughts of destruction to pay much attention to Luz’s deeds in Bonesborough, but though she didn’t attack him directly after she saved Eda from execution, Luz changed the hearts of the people from within. When she met the school mean girl at the Hexside School of Magic and Demonics, Amity Blight, they did not get along. In fact, Amity almost had her killed. It was only later on that Luz discovered the sadness inside Amity’s heart. Did I mention that in addition to giving Amity the love and therapy she needed to overcome her lifetime of trauma and also helped her reconcile with her best friend Willow Park and did I mention they defeated an all-powerful Shadow Fear Monster with nothing but a dance and some plant magic!?”

“This is a lot to take in, to be quite honest” Sebastian said, still trying to wrap his head around finding out the objective existence of Witches and Demons and Magic, “I need to rest. Still can’t believe my daughter is accomplishing all of these things”.

“She is a beautiful thing” Caleb said to Sebastian, “A child of wonder. Strange to consider her past”.

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asked.

“A child born into a Jewish family and raised by a single mother after the loss of her father. A young person who never fit in her community of origin and decided to go on a journey that brought her to the point of descending into the Underworld and which I do believe has repeatedly involved her sacrificing herself and/or nearly dying so that others may live. And then there is the way that love for her changed the hearts of at least three or four (depending on how you count the Son of the Titan) souls who could be considered ‘Fallen’ in one way or another…and if I remember my Latin correctly and the story that you told about the name of your ancestor Jaime, I do believe her name can be translated as “Light does not yield” or “Light does not surrender” or “Light does not give in”. And then you get my brother Philip, who just threw together all that he hated whether it be Pagan or Papist or Witchy that he essentially slapped on himself the Greek form of the name of the Great God of Old Babylon (or maybe it was the French word for ‘Beautiful’. I honestly don’t care to remember) as what he thought was a way of pandering to the Witches of the Boiling Isles. Yet all he did was set himself up as a false god in a gilded sepulchre, a hideous mix of Belshazzar and Caiaphas unable to see the symbolism of his own actions”.

“Would you stop…” Sebastian called out in exasperation, “forcing your own Puritan cultural lens onto my family and culture!? You must know that is not how we generally think about the Messiah”.

“My deepest apologies, Señor Noceda” Caleb responded as he sat down upon a stump with a sad, long sigh, “Tabitha actually talked to me about the insensitivity of doing that when I tried to do the same comparison between the Lord of my people and the Titan of her people. Stars know it isn’t always a wise idea”.

“You are forgiven” Sebastian said at last, “Besides, I read a good deal of comparative mythology in my youth as a big Star Wars geek, and let’s just say the idea of a Child of Light who drives out the Darkness of Ignorance and heals people of their sins and sufferings is not a rare thing in either the Demon Realm or in our Human Realm”.

Caleb chuckled to himself and commented on the Roman deity Sol Invictus.

“Pretty sure that was just a fancy term for the Sun overcoming the Winter Solstice” Sebastian quipped, eliciting another chuckle from Caleb, “You know, another fun fact. Camila’s dad Arturo studied Ye Olde Kabbalah in his youth, and in that belief system, Ur, the Hebrew word for “Light”, is used to describe the emanations of Ha-Shem’s divine majesty, wisdom, and power. Some of those guys even call the Divine essence “Ur Ein Sof”, or “Light without end”. Guess you could interpret that as “Light that does not yield” if you wish to do so. Never thought my daughter could be seen as an emanation of the Divine Light from before the beginning of time. It’s a weird sensation for a parent to think about, to be quite honest”.

“Whether there’s a connection between Ur Ein Sof and Sol Invictus and La Luz que no ceda, I do not know for sure” Caleb said at last, “All things are coincidences in the end, a chain of extremely convenient things happening until the end of time brings all things to their conclusion. Yet I also believe that things happen for a reason…that somewhere out there, beyond the bright starlight, there is a Singular All-Parent who watches over all of us and guides us towards that which leads us to become our truest selves. Forgive me if I seem skittish, dear friend Sebastian. I don’t always know what to say that, no matter how slight, won’t be misunderstood”.

“It’s fine, Caleb” Sebastian responded, “I like to think Ha-Shem guides us to our right paths just like you do”.

Caleb laughed and then he and Sebastian hugged each other as they sat together on that stump of wood.

“Ultimately though” Sebastian continued, “We are but the sum of our choices. At any point in time, your brother Philip could have realised he was about to become as terrible as Cain and stopped himself from killing you. His heart could have chosen to throw the knife and stop the hating, but he did not do so. Yet you chose to be better, just like Luz chose to embrace love rather than hate with Amity. What would be beautiful about love and goodness if humans and Witches alike did not also have the opportunity to be selfish and hateful and cruel?”

“And that contrast between someone who chose to do good in pretty much the same circumstances as someone who chose to do absolute pitch-black evil is why I adore Luz so much. Where Philip is death, she is life. Where he is night, she is day. She is the glory to his sorrow. Where he brings grief, she creates joy. Where he is dust, she is gold. Where he is fire, she is air. Where he is a creature of rage, she calms and soothes those around her. And for all of the loss that Philip creates, Luz allows those who follow her to feel true glory awaken”.

“That’s genuinely beautiful, Cal” Sebastian said as he wiped a tear from his right eye, “She is an amazing girl and I am so glad someone else loves her the way that I and Cami both do”.

“If I ever get to meet your wife” Caleb said, “either here in the Realm of the Dearly Deceased or in the Mortal Realms, I would love to have her meet Tabitha. We would both compliment her on raising such an amazing and wonderful girl”.

Sebastian Noceda reached out to hug Caleb Wittebane once again and Caleb was extremely happy to reciprocate.

“So what happens to my girl next?” Sebastian asked, “Tell me, Caleb! Tell me!”

“That’s hard to say” Caleb sighed, “That aforementioned pest Gallitzur will probably send his mightiest magic against her and her friends and try to destroy them all, for they have been cast adrift from the Boiling Isles like Noah in his Ark. We can only hope that the Cosmic Principle will grant them salvation before all that’s left of the Boiling Isles is a skeleton crew. They will have to do their best, and even if it is not good enough, it will have to do”.

@elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey @daphneblakess @riverajocabed1 @theofficialkai517 @koshercosplay

#The Owl House #The Owl House fan fiction #fanfiction #death cw #religious talk cw #afterlife cw #afterlife conversation #Caleb Wittebane #Sebastian Noceda #Luz Noceda’s father #Mr Noceda #long post cw #existentialist #mythological allusions and discussions #Mentions of murder #attempted murder cw

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gojonanami · 8 months

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BIGGER THAN THE WHOLE SKY - SATORU GOJO

summary: before his fight, you and satoru have an honest conversation about the future. cw: spoilers for manga (pre-sukuna fight), angst, fluff, discussion of afterlife / rebirth, reader is pregnant, reader is satoru's wife, a/n: i saw the spoilers and i needed angsty fluff - it's more bittersweet than anything. word count: 613

It’s the question you didn’t want to ask.

“Will you make it back to me?” you murmur, your chin leaning on his shoulder. A question engineered with the perfect mixture of anxiety of the impending battle and the lateness of the night. You had barely gotten used to the warmth of his body gracing your bed, his long and thick limbs thrown haphazardly over your body, but you couldn’t imagine your sheets growing cold with his absence.

“A guy gets locked up in a box for a few days, and your wife loses all faith in you, hm?” Satoru noses at the nape of your neck, “I’ll always make it back you, baby — it’s you and me,”

“Toru,” you can’t bear to face him, your eyes squeezing shut and willing the tears burning at your eyelids to leave — but you can’t even manage that much, “this is serious, it isn’t hypothetical anymore — you could, you could—” your voice breaks off.

You always thought you’d be the one to go first. You were a grade 1 sorcerer — but what is a soldier compared to a god? The god that wielded unimaginable power, the god that caused the balance of the world to shift, the god who was meant to save the world — but more than that, he was your husband — the one who made you laugh without fail, the one who had been your best friend from day one, and the one who made you feel safe by just being him, Satoru Gojo, not the strongest, just your husband.

And the mirth leaves his voice, as he forces you to face him, his irises made of skies you couldn’t even imagine never seeing again — “If I don’t make it back, you know I’ll always be waiting for you, in the afterlife or the next one,” he kisses your lips softly, “but I will do everything I can to make it back, sweetheart — and that’s a promise I can make,” and his hand slides up to your stomach, “and if I don’t, at least I left you with the perfect parting gift,”

“Don’t,” and tears slip down your face, “I can’t do this without you,”

You wanted a family, but not a family without him, without him — what was the point? Was there even one if he wasn’t there to raise your child with you?

“Baby, there isn’t a thing you can’t do without me,” he chuckles quietly, “you’d lift the moon with your back and hang the stars for our child without a second thought — because you did the same for me,” his lips are ghosting over every inch of your face, “you saved me, the me that was me,” and his lips find yours, sliding over them, and you taste the cherry candy he was eating earlier, “and the me that loves you is here right now, so let’s focus on that,”

“Satoru Gojo, if you don’t make it back to me, I’m going to kick your ass,” and he laughs, your favorite sound in the absolute world, before he kisses you again, his hands cupping your face so gently — and you remembered the first time he did that, you wondered how someone so strong could be so gentle.

“Somehow, I’m more scared of that than the King of Curses” he teases, a wide grin on his lips, before rolling you over so he is on top of you, his thumb wiping away the evidence of your tears, “thank you,” he kisses your forehead.

“For what?” you smile up at your beautiful, goofy husband, and he only cups your chin, as he leans down to kiss you, his fingers ghosting over your stomach again.

“For everything.”

#jujutsu kaisen #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #jjk #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo fanfiction #gojo fanfiction #satoru gojo fluff #sab [mlist]

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theamberfist · 14 days

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One Blind Mouse | Uncle Alastor + Reader

Familial! Alastor is Reader's Uncle

Description: One day after an overlord meeting, Alastor stumbles upon a giant demonic mouse that he soon realizes is his relative from life.

(Notes: CW Alastor, death, violence) (gender neutral reader) (Reader is Alastor's niece/nephew/whatever term you prefer) (Reader is blind) (Reader is a mouse sinner) (Pretend Alastor had a sister for the sake of this oneshot)

Words: 2,940

Alastor's ears perked at the familiar sound of screams that always seemed to accompany the streets of hell. He'd just stepped out of a surprisingly entertaining overlord meeting and now his high spirits lead him to take a walk down the road.

This part of the city, being Carmilla Carmine's territory, was significantly less of a disaster compared to most of hell, and although he didn't enjoy the area nearly as much as some others- such as Rosie's Cannibal Town- it was still a pleasurable enough experience. As he walked, he calmly held his microphone-cane behind his back and took in all the sights.

Most of it was nothing out of the ordinary; sinners running in fear at the mere sight of him, remnants of bloody fights and brawls, as well as a few trashed buildings and alleyways the overlord expected Carmilla to be very unhappy about.

Alastor sighed. If there was one thing he both loved and hated about hell it was that every day tended to be just the same. Territory disputes, murders that were ultimately never permanent, and newly-killed human souls ending up fearful and disoriented as they randomly appeared throughout hell were all nothing he hadn't seen before. In his time living down here, he'd come to place great value on entertainment and breaks from normality. At the very least, they made afterlife in hell a little more fun.

It was because of this he considered summoning Husk or even Nifty to liven things up. That was what he normally did when he lacked any other form of entertainment, but before he could even decide which to rip from their normal lives, a new sound reached his ears that suddenly caught his attention.

It was almost akin to a roar; something he would have expected to hear from a lion or even a dinosaur if they were more common forms for sinners to take on. Glancing up, he now realized the sound had come from just a few blocks away, where a giant figure towered over some of the nearby buildings.

It looked like a huge...rat? That was the best way Alastor could describe the entity; with glowing grey eyes, demonic markings, and surprisingly sharp claws and teeth. The rat was ripping apart the nearby buildings as sinners screamed and tried to run away, which made the Radio Demon's ever-present smile widen. It seemed he'd found some entertainment at last.

So of course, he made his way towards where the rat was towering over buildings; realizing it was right on the edge of Carmilla's territory; approaching that of the V's. He hadn't even realized he'd been so close to their space but it hardly mattered now. While he'd at first assumed the rat's goal to be complete destruction simply for the sake of discussion, that didn't seem to be the case now that he observed them.

They were ignoring most of the frightened sinners around them; aside from a few that happened to scream extra loud as they ran. Instead, their focus was more towards the nearest building; a TV store in which every single piece of merchandise had a different channel playing at once that made for quite an obnoxious display of sound. Even Alastor wanted to cover his ears, not stopping the giant rat sinner as they tore the place apart sloppily.

He continued watching the scene for a few more moments until a car finally showed up nearby and a tech-related sinner stepped out with a frightened look on her face. Alastor recognized her as one of Vox's employees from back when they'd still been friends, though he was surprised the TV producer hadn't fired her yet with his poor track record of employees.

Once out of the car, she approached the giant rat cautiously; as if unsure of how to handle the situation.

"E-excuse me?" The sinner called, though the rat ignored her, "I demand you stop! This store is property of Vox Tech and you're going to have to pay for any damages you cause!" Alastor's smile only widened now, curious to see whether this seemingly out-of-control sinner would even acknowledge the tech demon or if they'd just continue to go about their destruction. If his employee couldn't handle things, perhaps Vox would even come all the way down here himself, and wouldn't that be a treat to watch?

As expected, the rat ignored her as they crushed another giant flat-screen TV between their claws. The Vox Tech employee seemed almost offended as she came closer to them.

"How dare you?!" She exclaimed louder now; taking on a more demonic form that was indicative of her anger, "Have you no respect for the art of television?!" This seemed to finally get the rat's attention because they paused, dropping the shattered TV and turning to face her as they gazed down.

"Art?" They repeated, their voice coated with that demonic tone one became accustomed to hearing while in hell. Alastor raised an eyebrow at the realization that this was not their regular form, wondering what they could have originally looked like but not saying anything just yet. "You call this art?!"

The rat grabbed another TV and threw it at the tech demon, nearly crushing her under its weight if she hadn't gotten out of the way in time. "This is pathetic!"

Alastor had to agree there. Television had always been a lesser form of media to him, and it seemed this other sinner understood that too. Perhaps when they calmed down the two of them would get along.

Though, there was another part of him that took note of how familiar this particular was...

The rat grabbed two more TV screens and crushed them in either hand now; snarling. "Don't pretend to know anything about art if you support him!" Alastor knew without needing to ask that they were referring to Vox, which made his smile widen even more. It seemed he really would get along with this rat. Though, the more he listened to them speak, the more it felt like he should recognize that voice.

"Don't make me tell you again! Unhand our property!" The tech demon tried, though she was shaking as the giant rat stared her down.

"No." The rat replied before tossing another TV at her. This time, it managed to hit her and she was knocked back into the nearby wall. It seemed the impact was enough to kill her, too, because her body finally went limp. Alastor knew she wouldn't be dead for long before regenerating but it had done the job for now, anyway.

It seemed the only one that didn't realize that was the rat because they reached for another blaring TV and tossed it in the direction of the now-dead sinner again. Then they grabbed another and did the same before repeating the act again and again until every last screen had been destroyed.

It was only then that the Radio Demon realized what was going on as he watched the giant rat feel around the destroyed store for any more Vox Tech Products; they were blind.

They couldn't actually see the tech demon when she'd shown up; they'd only known where to throw the TV based on where they'd heard her voice. They'd been sloppily feeling around and grabbing TV's earlier because they could hear the obnoxious sounds coming from them, and they'd only killed the extra loud sinners because they could hear where they were.

How interesting, Alastor thought as he watched the rat's shoulders rise and fall as they caught their breath. They were far from the first blind person he'd met but they were the first one he'd run into in hell thus far. Based on the display he'd just witnessed though, they were doing just fine down here despite not having sight. He was about to step forward and introduce himself when a peculiar sight stopped him.

The rat, which had been giant just a moment ago, was now shrinking in size before his very eyes. They went from being taller than the nearby building to becoming so small he couldn't even see them from where he stood anymore.

Curious, he stepped forward, realizing they'd shrunk to the size of a mouse. And, in fact, it seemed that that was exactly what they were; not a rat, like he'd presumed earlier. Like most sinners in hell, they still possessed human qualities, but the big mouse ears on their head and the tail made it apparent which animal they were meant to resemble.

Amusement shined in the Radio Demon's eyes now as he continued observing the little creature. This tiny mouse had done all that damage just moments ago; leaving one of Vox's stores in complete ruin. He never would have expected them to possess that kind of strength based on how they looked, but it made him all the more curious of their motive as he now approached them.

"Well, hell there!" He called. Immediately, the mouse jumped in surprise and reached for their ears as if they were in pain. "My, that was quite a display!" He went on, ignoring their clear shock, "May I ask what might have prompted it?"

There was a long pause as the tiny sinner regarded him, now bent at the waist so that his face was a little closer to their eye level. For a second he wondered if they really were capable of speaking or if he'd simply imagined it earlier, but then they shouted.

"Uncle Al?!" Their voice, which had lost its demonic edge and returned to normal now, suddenly sounded so familiar that it felt as if the Radio Demon had been hit by a truck. How had he not recognized you before? What other little demon could have casually caused so much destruction to a TV store than his own niece/nephew/etc?

"Why, is that you, my little mouse?" He asked with a grin so wide it nearly hurt. You nodded eagerly, immediately running up to hug him. You were so small, though, that you could really only latch onto his ankle.

"It is, Uncle!" You replied, only now realizing how ironic his old nickname for you had turned out to be. You'd known the second you'd heard his voice that it was your favorite family member and finding him again like this couldn't have made you happier. Alastor chuckled, kneeling and placing a hand beside your little body on the ground. Once you felt it beside you, you immediately climbed on and then he carefully held you up so that you were closer to his eye-level.

"And here I'd thought you ended up in heaven!" He told you, though his tone only held amusement. Your presence had always been enjoyable to him; ever since you were a baby. When he'd died, he'd been surprised to find he actually missed the nights when he used to have to come over and babysit you for his dear little sister's sake.

"Nope," you told him, "But I'm pretty sure mama is there! I've been alone down here for years." The Radio Demon nodded at that. Like their mother, he'd had no doubt his sister had gone to heaven. Your presence in hell was a surprise, but with how mischievous you'd been as a child, it made some sense, even if he hadn't gotten to see how you turned out when you grew up.

"It must have been quite lonely being by yourself." He replied as he brought you to his coat pocket now. You felt around the area before seemingly deciding it was acceptable and getting comfortable within the fabric.

"And loud." You nodded. Alastor didn't doubt that; you'd had great hearing even when you were alive, so he imagined those big mouse ears made it even more amplified now. "I hate television."

"I agree with you there!" Alastor replied as he began walking back down the street with you safely tucked into his pocket now. "Especially since the whole point of it is to see the pictures, isn't it?" You nodded, crossing your arms in disdain. "At least radio is tasteful." In life, you'd always loved tuning into your uncle's nightly broadcasts. No matter what you and your mother had been doing at the time, you'd always made her take you home to hear them. Alastor nodded in amusement now.

"Uncle Al, where are we going anyway?" You asked suddenly.

"Well, I do still have a broadcast to run!" The Radio Demon replied, "I'm sure the citizens of hell will want to hear about that giant mouse causing so much destruction earlier." You giggled and got a little more comfortable in the demon's pocket. "Now, while we talk, do tell me more about those demonic powers of yours?" The fact that you possessed the ability to grow and shrink between more and less terrifying forms just like he did was certainly not lost on him, and nor was the possibility of capitalizing on those powers with the potential of you two taking over hell as family.

♡ After that you're almost always found in Alastor's pocket whenever he goes anywhere

♡ Sometimes you like to hide in his pocket and then pop up at random times, which he used to scare some of the hotel guests after the first found you

♡ You go into your demon form whenever you get angry, which usually happens when you're surrounded by way too many loud noises at once and get overwhelmed

♡ Alastor thought it was entertaining at first but after the third time you broke his coat pocket by transforming while he was literally carrying you around, he invested in some cute little earmuffs to prevent it

♡ Everybody at the hotel thought you were adorable once they got past the initial shock of A) Alastor having a niece/nephew/etc and B) the fact that you'd popped out of his pocket and startled them

♡ Vaggie lets you ride on her hair bow sometimes and Charlie absolutely loves to pet your mouse ears (she's very gentle but sometimes gets too excited and Alastor has to pull you away from her)

♡ You were terrified of Husk at first because he's a cat and Alastor, always looking for entertainment, did nothing to help with that fear

♡ So for a while every time you would be near Husk he would have to be super careful not to scare you and make you go into demon form

♡ That was until you realized who you really had to be afraid of; Nifty

♡ She associates mice with uncleanliness so she tried to stab you many times at first. Alastor never let her actually succeed but he did enjoy watching her chase you around the hotel for the first week

♡ That was how you got over your fear of Husk because he would sometimes let you hide behind the bar in between the bottles of wine. He even fed you a piece of cheese once and you were sold on him after that

♡ Eventually though, a solution was reached with Nifty when Charlie suggested they dress you in nice clothes (A red striped suit like Alastor's or a dress version of his outfit, fitted for your tiny self) in order to give the cyclops a visibly difference between you and the actual vermin she was supposed to kill

♡ That worked well but you're still too scared to go near Nifty most of the time

♡ Sir Pentious dubbed you an honorary egg because you were close to them in size and he thought you were just so cute. He got you a little hat like the ones they wear and would even let you ride atop his hat (kind of like Alice with the Mad Hatter in the live action Alice in Wonderland)

♡ Angel Dust also loves you and one of the first things he did was introduce you to Fat Nuggets, whom you adored

♡ Sometimes you ride Nuggets around the hotel like a horse since you're the perfect size for it and Angel has many photos on his phone of the two of you being absolutely adorable

♡ Despite how he may seem, Alastor can be a very protective uncle. Since you've come to the hotel, he makes sure everyone keeps their volume down most of the time so as not to bother your sensitive ears. If anyone so much as raises their voice in your presence they're met with his sadistic expression and radio dial eyes as a warning

♡ No one is allowed to watch TV when you're around either; he doesn't care that English Descriptive Audio exists he just doesn't want you to feel sad that you can't have a normal experience like everyone else because that used to get to really you when you were a kid

♡ Since you're always in his pocket, you've met most of the other overlords at meetings and things

♡ Rosie adores you and every time she meets with Alastor she brings along a new mouse-sized outfit she sewed for you as a gift. You have a whole wardrobe of tasteful clothes made by her now

♡ Zestial and Carmilla think you're cute but won't ever admit it. They just smile whenever you pop out of Alastor's pocket during a meeting; wanting to see what they're all talking about

♡ You did meet Vox once because Alastor ran into him on the street

♡ That went about as well as expected and you turned into your demon form due to his loudness and the fact that he insulted your uncle

♡ You and Alastor took turns beating Vox up that day

..........

Headcannons related to this concept: Cursed-Cat and Mouse

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blitzor0de0 · 2 months

Note

That Saint Peter fic was so cute! Like really, REALLY cute! Maybe you should consider continuing it? With Reader being redeemed and going to heaven? Maybe they die like Sir Pentious when fighting against Adam and spawn in heaven?

this one kinda flopped in my mind, but I hope it's bearable to read !! enjoy!

cw: gn reader, spoilers of episode 8, a little gore to the reader (reader death),,, uhhh lmk if there's something I missed, not proof-read at ALLL!!

word count: 1.8k

part 1 part 3 part 4

Daylight (Saint Peter x Redeemed!Reader)

The final battle was upon you, flurries of executioners surrounded the hotel. But thankfully due to Alastor’s shield, you alongside your fellow residents were able to kill them, one after one after one.

Your heart was racing, adrenaline pumping through your veins, the stench of the angel’s golden ichor singed your nostrils.

But before you knew it, Sir Pentious had sacrificed himself, immediately being blown to smithereens by Adam’s power. You couldn't stand to watch it, your weaknesses bubbling up as you choked back a sob.. The remaining Egg Boiz, would they be okay? Were they okay? You snuck off to see if any reminder of Sir Pentious was still around, allowing a few stray tears to fall.

Unbeknownst to you, alongside everyone else at the battle site, there was one stray angel, grasping onto their last moments of life, as you called out for the Egg Boiz, you found none of them, cracked eggshells seemed to be everywhere you looked. It grew harder to swallow, there had to be at least one..Right?

Dashing through some rubble your search was about to continue but you felt a sharp pain. You froze in place, looking down, breathing stuttering. Piercing your chest was one of the angel's tridents…Straight through the heart.

“What…?” You weakly spoke, turning with whatever energy you had left to face the angel, a dark smile on their face before they succumbed to their injuries.

It didn't take long for you to fall to your knees, gasping for whatever breath you could find. Your mind was in a panic. This couldn't be it. You can't die alone, you never even got to tell Charlie or the others goodbye.

Silent tears streamed down your cheeks. At least you tried your best. Right?

People in life always lied when they said death was painless, your first one sure as Hell wasn't, and neither was this one. You guess it's just their way of dwelling the fear of inevitable death, if only they knew.

A warm heat overtook your senses as brightness enveloped your vision.

What?

Looking around you saw the two Serafim you met a few months back and…Sir Pentious?

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit it worked!

Redemption worked! Charlie's a fucking genius.

Sir Pentious called your name in surprise, “You're here too? Oh no, that must mean.. Did Adam get you too?”

“I.. Pentious..” You were utterly speechless, but so were Sera and Emily. Not one but two sinners redeemed in such a small period of time. Perhaps they really did underestimate Charlie’s ability to fulfil her dream.

After relaying what happened to you after Pentious died, the Serafim discussed how to assimilate to your new lives, Emily in particular helped the two of you get situated.

And within enough time, you were ready to start your second afterlife.

It took you a few days to get yourself situated, too busy dwelling and moping about, lost in thought about your old life. You wondered how long it took everyone down in Hell to notice you had died, if they even felt sad, or even remorse. But you couldn't live in this rut for the rest of your afterlife, you were in Heaven now, everything screamed optimism and positivity. You had to get out there and mingle, make new friends. With a huff, you made yourself presentable before leaving your new home.

Wandering the streets, you heard whispers,

“Has anyone seen Adam recently?”

“No seriously, it's been a little too quiet around here.”

“Forget him, did you see how battered up Lute was? Missing an arm and everything!”

Well that was certainly interesting information, it filled you with a sense of pride. Charlie must've won! Adam had to be dead, but Lute survived? Probably at the hands of Vaggie, you thought.

Before you knew it, you were somewhere familiar, the plaza. Not only that, the ice cream parlour you went to with Saint Peter was just across the street.

Your eyes widened. Wait.. Saint Peter! You hadn't seen him yet since your arrival, a fault on your behalf but still, you had to find him. Would he be pissed that you were here, or happy?

Approaching some friendly looking angels you asked, “Excuse me! Have you seen Saint Peter around?” Voice wavering in anxiousness.

“Hmm? Oh Peter? Oh about this time he should still be at his post but should be taking a break in liiiike five mins or something so if you wanna wait for him by the gates, go ahead!” One angel replied, grinning.

“Thank you so much!” You quickly turned on your heel, heading in the direction of the gates, hearing a small comment from the other angel,

“I woulda thought they would've been looking for a loved one, not Peter of all people. Weird. OW! Hey, I'm just saying!!”

That angel was correct, by the time you made it to the gates -a little out of breath from the speed you were walking- Peter was heading inside for his break.

He was humming to himself but halted as he set eyes upon your new form.

He called out your name, “What.. What are you doing here? If you were visiting you should've come through the gates like you did last time. Besides what's with this new outfit? Looks gorgeous on you, but it looks as though you're cosplaying an angel!....Ooohhh” The realisation of the situation just slapped him in the face. Hard.

Approaching you and holding your face in his hands, he took a real good look at you, causing a blush to spread across your cheeks from the sudden contact.

“Haha.. Hi Peter. Um, guess it happened I got redeemed..? All it took was me dying..again.”

He releases his grasp on your face, eyebrow quirked. You pouted from the loss of contact before meeting his concerned gaze. “But!! It's nothing to worry about! Haha.. Just.. A surprise attack from an exterminator. I guess all that hard work in the hotel came in handy, huh?”

Peter's look of concern refused to falter throughout your explanation, his eyebrows furrowed, almost as if he was lost in thought.

“Y’know, once you left last time there were all sorts of rumours about exterminations and Adam being heavily involved. I refused to believe they were true, why would my fellow angels do such a thing but… I suppose it was true all along. Oh, dear I'm so sorry..” His peppy attitude seemed to completely fade as he spoke, you felt guilty for even unloading it at him, seeing the angel upset made your heart pang.

“But,” He continued, a hand coming up to caress your cheek, “at least that redemption worked, I knew I could believe in you. I'm so proud!” You leaned into his touch, who knows how long it had been since you were treated as if you were a porcelain doll, so fragile, so tender.

“Thank you.. Really. I think your belief in me when we first met really helped.. In fact, the thought of you brought me great guidance in rough times, but that's embarrassing to admit..” You nervously laughed. The stars in Peter's eyes as you spoke didn't go unnoticed.

You had gathered from your initial meeting that Peter wasn't typically the one to be on the receiving end of attention, let alone compliments. After all, you were the first being to have asked his name at the gates.

“Also,” You continued, “It probably looks pretty strange to others just seeing us chat just outside your post, c’mon, let's go get some ice cream like last time, my treat this time okay?” With that you took his hand and started heading back towards the plaza.

Peter stared at where your hands connected, uncharacteristically quiet.

Truth was, ever since your meeting, he had hoped and wished for you to show up at the gate again, for another meeting, being redeemed or even just to see him. Logistically, he knew it was impossible for that last option, you didn't have the ability to open the portals between the two worlds, but a part of him hoped that you would just appear before him one day.

And you finally did, despite his earlier ramblings, Peter felt almost shell shocked, he dreamt of the two of you meeting again, but now it was finally happening, all rational thinking had left his mind.

After you had left the ice cream parlour to go to the Serafim meeting, some angels approached Peter with demeaning questions.

'Why were you being so friendly to a sinner? You know they're down in Hell for a reason.'

'They were probably feeding you lies and sob stories weren't they?'

'Don't let them get to you, Saint Peter, we can't have you falling.'

But falling he did, not in the sense of turning to a life of sin, how could he ever? Without your knowledge, you had the Keeper of the Key wrapped around your finger.

Before he even realised, the two of you had made it to the parlour, feeling a small sense of déjà vu.

The two of you ordered and took your seats, everything seemed to be identical to your first meeting, and your conversations were as fluid as thought, almost as if the two had known one another for your entire existence(s).

What you found was that Saint Peter’s life seemed rather monotonous, yet he still managed to keep such a peppy attitude, guess that's how he became an angel in the first place, a lust for life.

Saint Peter’s break came and went in the blink of an eye. It almost disappointed you when he spoke about heading back to work. Did this moment ever have to end? You wondered to yourself.

Being the kindred spirit you were, you walked him back to the gates, fingertips occasionally brushing one another, but it didn't feel awkward. No, in fact it felt natural, as if there was some sort of invisible string pulling the two of you together.

“Do you have to go?” You spoke softly once the two of you reached the gates.

“You know I have to, besides, it's not like it's our presumed last meeting like last time, right?” He chuckled.

“Yeah.. I suppose so, we could see each other every day if we so wanted.” You smiled, not noticing the gap between the two of you closing.

Tentatively, he pressed his lips to yours. You could feel your heart flutter, it felt like one of those romantic kisses in a fairytale despite only lasting a few seconds. The kiss was filled with the warmth of a thousand suns embracing you in a tender hug.

"Peter.." You gasped out, face growing red as he pulled away.

"That wasn't too much was it? Ahhh sorry!" He panicked, but before he could sputter any more apologies, you pressed your lips to his, a chaste one, just to quiet him down.

“I'll see you once your shift is finished, okay?”

Peter’s mind was spinning, he could only nod pathetically, causing you to giggle. If his pupils could turn to hearts they would.

You turned on your heel, waving a little goodbye to him. “See you soon, Peter!”

“See you…”

Needless to say, Saint Peter’s mind was quite occupied for the rest of the day, causing many frustrations amongst the newcomers.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hh x reader #saint peter #hazbin hotel saint peter x reader #hazbin saint peter #hazbin hotel saint peter #saint peter x reader #saint peter x you #saint peter x yn #hazbin hotel x you #blitzor0de0

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1moremilgram-enjoyer · 8 months

Text

is everyone in milgram just dead

Okay I'm making this post because while I'm not sure how much I believe this, it's a possibility that's been eating at my head for a while, so I gotta share it somewhere even if it's not the most solid theory in the world.

So anyways, hello members of the jury! Today I want to discuss the weirdly recurring theme of the prisoners in Milgram possibly being dead, and Milgram being some sort of afterlife thing. Given the fact it clearly has some supernatural elements, it certainly isn't impossible. So let's get into it!

CW Death, murder and suicide, abortion, child abuse, drowning, cults and indoctrination, waterboarding, gang violence

Yuno and the Allegations

The biggest hint that at least some of the prisoners might be dead is the in Yuno's second VD, Absolute Zero.

Yuno: Oh! Also, that reminds me, there was one thing I'm curious about. Es: What? Go ahead and say it. Y: Am I…really alive? E: That's…what do you…. Y: Hm…if you don't know, then it's fine. E: Yuno…. Y: Hey, it's time, right? E: Y-yes. Prisoner number 2, Yuno. Sing your sins.

Weird thing to say, really. So, presumably, she has some reason to believe she might be dead. Which is especially worrying because Yuno is one of the most intelligent and perceptive prisoners in Milgram, and might even have higher awareness of some of the more supernatural/meta elements of the series, as seen by images from both her cover songs appearing in Umbilical and Tear Drop.

All this is to say, if Yuno has reason to believe she might be dead, we have reason to believe so as well.

There are two points of Yuno's story were I feel she could have died. One is during her abortion, given a question from Trial 2.

(T2) Q20: Did you hate the person you killed?

Y: It was too much of a pain to for me to think about anything.

So her abortion was painful, which likely means it wasn't done in a hospital, as professional abortions typically don't cause too much pain in the moment (source), even if they can cause cramping or discomfort in the recovery period. If it wasn't done professionally, and it hurt a lot, it's very possible she may have died while performing it.

However, because of a few things we'll talk about later, I'm not sure this is very likely. The answer I find more likely is that, unfortunately, she may have committed suicide by jumping off the staircase we see her standing on in her Undercover silhouette shot.

For one, because what the hell would this shot even be otherwise. I've seen people suggest infanticide as opposed to abortion, but that wouldn’t cause physical pain (you could argue that answer is about emotional pain, but I'm not sure how much that works), it doesn't match her kill-shot in Undercover, and she herself has claimed her "muder" was abortion (and I don't see reason for her to lie about that). It also doesn't seem likely she would get pregnant more than once, seeing this question:

(T2) Q10: If you could turn back time, would you commit the same murder once again?

Y: I'd make sure that I won't have to commit it. That's it.

So, then, what the hell is up with that Undercover shot? Usually they say something important about the prisoner or their crime, but it really doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything.

This is where I bring up that Yuno falls off a staircase at the end of Umbilical.

Like, obviously this is more meant to be metaphorical, as in Yuno "slipped up" and now has to avoid falling by grabbing the balloon, which ends up destroying the staircase which had previously been related to the mixing of DNA (long story). But... she still is falling from a staircase. That is what is happening in the video. This is a silly argument, but it does exist.

Now, there's a few other things which could imply this, but that will have to wait for a moment. So while there is very little evidence for now, I'd say this is the most likely reason for why Yuno believes she may be dead. Especially given she might have depression (check out this cool post by weather-cluddy), her comitting suicide is sort of the best guess we can make I feel.

Nevertheless, no matter the reason why, Yuno believes she may be dead, which opens the door to other characters, if not all of them, to be dead as well. Let's take a look at the other prisoner most likely to actually be dead in my opinion, and see if we can establish a pattern.

Haruka's Worrying Situation

I believe, even if no one else is dead, it is highly likely Haruka attempted suicide. I am not going to go too in-depth in here, because moibakadesu already made a really good post about it, which is where I got the theory from in the first place. In fact, the idea Haruka may have at least attempted suicide has existed ever since Trial 1, check out this cool post by Venus from thinkin-bout-milgram. Here's a summary of what the main points of the theory are:

-The repeated motif of water and drowning could indicate the way Haruka killed himself, especially since he lived in Naogaka, Niigata, known as the "city of water."

-Haruka repeatedly attacks and even strangles a younger version of himself in Weakness, in one occasion alongside the lyric "I've become a victim, I've become a victim."

-The young girl in Weakness might actually be a representation of the "ideal Haruka", as he's stated his mother wanted a daughter instead of a son (I don't actually agree with this part, I do think the girl is a literal girl Haruka killed, due to several lines from his VDs, such as him saying Amane "brings back bad memories." However, it's still a possibility)

-The nonchalance with which Haruka speaks of comitting suicide in his second MV, Metamorphosis of the Weak, could imply he's already done it once.

-The line "if with one click, and I can reset everything" in AKAA can be more directly translated to "if with the push of one button I could be reborn", which paired with butterflies being symbols of death and rebirth and being connected to Haruka because of the name of his second VD, could imply Haruka died and was reborn.

-Haruka standing on a chair in AKAA as his shadow lines up with the shadow of the bars in the window to create the ilusion he has a noose around his neck.

-At the end of AKAA, Haruka is surrounded in what looks to be formaldehyde, which is used to preserve the corpses of dead animals, while the aforementioned "I could be reborn" lyric plays.

As you can see, there's a lot here, which is why I think it is highly likely Haruka comitted suicide.

There is an issue with bringing this theory in, which is that part of the theory is that Haruka's silhouette in the Undercover shot doesn't have white noise, which separates him from the others and could imply he's a victim like Hinako and Mahiru's boyfriend, who similarly have no white noise. The problem for our purposes is that this theory assumes a lot of the other prisoners, such as Yuno, may have committed suicide as well, creating an inconsistency with this point. I don't have a good answer for this, beyond a really odd, Hamlet-esque "Haruka is a victim of his own madness" kind of thing which doesn't work very well, so unless any of you have another explanation, it's best for this theory to just sorta ignore the white noise thing.

So, now we have two prisoners who very likely died before Milgram. This vaguely establishes a possible pattern: what if all the prisoners were taken right as they died?

Muu’s Mysterious Memory Mishaps

Es: You said you wanted to go back home, right? And, "suppose" we did let you… Even if you were to leave this place, you'll then have a brush with the police, won't you? Muu: *Surprised* E: I mean, you've killed someone anyway, so are the police not making a move in regards to that? M: Well, I don't know. As of now, I don't have a clear memory of what happened after I did it. And then before I knew it, I was here. E: Is… that so? M: You guys should've known that, being the ones who brought me here after all.

This line from Muu’s first VD has always intrigued me. Muu doesn’t have a very good reason to be lying here when seen in full context, so she’s likely telling the truth. But, why? Why doesn’t Muu remember anything clearly after her crime, and why was she taken so quickly after committing it?

First idea is that perhaps all the prisoners are simply taken right after the murder they’re in Milgram for; even in the case of multiple murders, you can say Milgram just decided to take them for the last one exclusively.

However, Shidou serves as a counter example, because of the ending of Throw Down.

It’s a pretty simple logical progression. Shidou has no reason to kill after the flower person dies, so their death is after his last murder most likely, and yet he does remember it happening. Thus, Shidou has a memory of something which happened an undetermined amount of time after his final murder.

That means the "fuzzy memories" thing isn't universal. This can also be vaguely inferred by the attitudes certain prisoners have regarding their "murder(s)", like Kazui for example.

Now, you could argue Muu simply doesn't remember well because of the Trauma, and she just happened to get taken shortly after her murder. However, there is a chance now that there is a reason she was taken shortly after her murder.

You know what this post is about. You know what I'm about to imply. So I'll make the observation now:

In It's Not my Fault, one of Muu's shoes is off after she kills Rei. And we have seen this imagery of "one shoe off" to represent suicide before.

It's common in Japan to take both shoes off before comitting suicide, but if you want to read into only one of the shoes being off, you could argue it represents they're "half-suicides", as Milgram also considers them murders. In that sense, you (or Muu) could argue were Muu to commit suicide after killing Rei, then she would also become "Rei's victim", the same way Hinako and Mahiru's boyfriend are Kazui and Mahiru's victims.

This idea that Muu might still be a victim in the situation could also be implied by the lyrics here:

[It's Not my Fault] It’s not my fault after all, after all. Everyone wants me to be innocent. What a relief. Can’t be helped. I’m always meant to be pitied!

(Btw I'm using the fan translation in the wiki because the English subs in that video are... odd)

Yes that sentiment is repeated a lot during the song, but Muu does shout "I'm always meant to be pitied" ("I'm always the drama queen") at the top of her lungs here.

Now, the shoe thing isn't quite like that in After Pain, but we never actually see Muu's shoes in the real world, only in the blank inner world with the broken hourglass, and there are other inconsistencies with reality there, namely Rei's body's position.

You can see her right shoe is on there, but again, this scene isn't real.

The concerning thing is that apart from that, After Pain does not help Muu beat the suicide allegations.

In particular, look at the scene of the photo I put there. You can see there's a bunch of people judging Muu for her murder, as it's usually not considered a socially acceptable thing to do. But, hold on, didn't Muu say she didn't remember anything after her murder? Correct! That means she doesn't remember this "judgement" happening, but she imagined it would. Perhaps that's what the one line means:

[After Pain] Counterattack being a suicide note

Counterattacking Rei, killing her, is social suicide. For obvious reasons.

...

But it's still called a suicide note, which is not a good look. And yes, I do think the Japanese lyric explicitly references death, though take that with a lot of salt since that's just Google Translate and DeepL talking.

In fact, that entire set of lyrics is pretty odd.

[After Pain] Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me Postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”

"Meeting up inside the pain" probably refers to hurting Rei, so now they're hurting together. The "stabbing of a little devil's voice" is probably referring to dangerous impulses, so murderous thoughts. "Counterattack being a suicide note", already explained. "I love YOU", because Muu is a girlkisser.

But the "postmortem makeup" is odd. You could argue the "death" which happened before the "makeup" was applied was the "death" of Muu's reputation, her old persona. Rei "killed" "that Muu", and now Muu is hiding her real feelings with "postmortem makeup."

But then, why would the method to solve it be a secret? Who is she keeping it secret from? Rei, and all of Muu's old 'friends', all know what lies beyond that makeup, they all saw what Muu was like before Rei stepped in.

That means there's another interpretation. If her real feelings are a secret, there's only one person they would be a secret from. Es (and us by extension). In a way, After Pain is hiding part of her heart, the less sympathetic parts shown in full in It's Not My Fault. Muu being a bully was already implied in After Pain, mind you, but it was still relatively "hidden", at least compared to It's Not my Fault.

And if that is the way we're meant to read that line, we run into the allegations again. If the makeup is for Milgram, and it's "postmortem" makeup, then Muu is already dead.

And that's without mentioning how much After Pain seems to imply suicidal tendencies in general.

[After Pain] If I was gone, If I had just disappeared I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed

I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable, someone please help me

Maybe I’m done Just one more time before saying goodbye I’m just kidding, please forget I said that

The only lyric that doesn't seem to imply it is:

I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?

But feeling alive and being alive isn't quite the same, right? You can be alive without feeling alive, and if someone doesn't feel alive, it's possible they're not a very good state of mind.

So, what could this all imply? If we're going with the idea of murder-suicide, it's possible Muu was very worried about how people would hate her after the murder, as implied by After Pain, decided she didn't want to deal with that, and unfortunately made the decision to kill herself.

One small thing which could serve as a counterpoint is her Trial 1 Voice Reveal distorted line.

Fufufu... It's your fault... for doing horrible things to me.

She seems pretty sure of herself here, and it's very likely this is after her murder. But it's perfectly possible she said this initially, then thought about the social consequences, and that's when she started to feel bad. It's also worth noting the only time in It's Not my Fault where Muu seems to hesitate is right after her murder.

[It's Not my Fault] Wait, wait, just as a hypothetical. What should I do if I’m actually a bad girl? Don’t ever hate me, and don’t look for what lies “after and from” the pain.

This is immediately after the murder, when she comes out of a caccoon, presumably her arriving at Milgram. So, she was initally confident, that's when she says "I’m always meant to be pitied!" in It's Not my Fault and presumably her Voice Reveal line, then hesitated and started to feel awful as we see in After Pain.

... Well, there's also the way more uncharitable reading where Muu killed herself so people also pitied her instead of just hating her for killing Rei, but that's a bit too dark and in bad faith for my tastes. It is there, though.

So, yeah, Muu may be dead too. And she brings with her an interesting implication; the prisoners may not have clear memories of the events leading up to their death. So, even if some of them committed suicide, it's possible they simply don't remember ever taking the decision to do so, explaining their behavior in the prison.

And it also could explain away... one apparent contradiction. One which exists outside of this theory, but that this theory could explain.

Amane and the Voice Reveal Trailers

As most of you know, the Voice Reveal trailers for all these characters contain certain distorted phrases which in general seem closely linked to their murder. And as pointed out by blueepink07 in this post, it seems the First Trial Voice Reveals are things the prisoners said after their murder, while the Second Trial ones are showing a point before their murder. Check out Kazui's, for example.

(T1) "I'm so dumb... Why did I have to dream?"

(T2) "Hinako, I love you more than anything."

There's also Muu's, since I've already brought it up before.

(T1) "Fufufu... It's your fault... for doing horrible things to me."

(T2) "Hey..why don't you listen to me...? I'm telling you... Hey...HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU"

The second being right before she killed Rei.

That works well enough for all the prisoners... except Amane.

(T1) "Ahh! I'm so sorry...! I'm sorry...! I'm sorry for breaking the rules!"

(T2) "Father is a very praiseworthy person. Once [my/his] virtue increases, he'll come back home, right? It's a little lonely, but I'm fine!"

In theory, Amane would have been punished before her murder, as we see happen after she heals the cat in the taser scene. Meanwhile, if she's lonely without her father, it could perhaps be because her mother is dead after Things Happened (yes I'm going with Mother!Victim theory on this one).

But that's not the case. Following the pattern, the line about her father coming home at some point is before her murder, and apparently, she was punished for breaking some kind of rule after her murder. The implication here, horrid as it is, could be that her father returned home after she killed her mother and punished her for doing so.

Thankfully, this is impossible. After all:

(T1) Q18: Do you regret your "murder"?

A: No. It was a natural obligation.

(T2) Q3: State the name of your victim.

A: There is no victim. Only the punished.

(Taking some liberties on the translation of Trial 2 since the questions are still coming out as I write this)

So Amane genuinely believes she was following her cult's principles to a T when she killed her mom. As much as that likely isn't the case (long story), if she had gotten punished for killing her mom, then she wouldn't think like this. If she had been punished for it, she wouldn't think her murder was a "natural obligation", but rather a mistake on her part.

What this implies is that Amane doesn't remember being punished by her father.

...

Amane... doesn't remember...

Fuck.

Yeah, remember when I said it was possible the prisoners don't have clear memories of the events leading up to their death? Going by the "T1 after - T2 before" logic the Voice Reveals seem to follow, we can infer Amane was likely punished for killing her mother, but we also know she can't remember it happening, otherwise she would regret it. And based on what we learnt from Muu, we do have a way to explain how that could happen. If Amane died while receiving the punishment the T1 Voice Reveal alludes to, she wouldn't have a clear memory of it.

And the thing is, it does seem likely Amane received this punishment. Think about it. Interrogation questions are one thing, since the creators don't fully control them, but why mention her father would possibly return home in the Voice Reveal trailer? Unless he did. Hell, you could argue we might know the exact moment he returned. Amane does look at the entrance of her apartment at the end of Purge March, though that could simply be for dramatic effect rather than being a literal thing which happened.

But there's more. Because if her father returned home, we might actually have an answer for another one of the mysteries surrounding Amane's situation. The Undercover prisoner card.

The image on her card seems to show a bathroom. It is widely assumed the images on these cards are the location the murders happened in, but to my knowledge, this isn't 100% confirmed. However, this creates a small issue with Amane. Just looking at the murder shot in Purge March is enough to confirm that.

I made a more detailed theory on her murder on this post, diagrams included (scroll to the bottom if you're only interested on the murder), but for now, there are two things to note here. One, there's a trail of water which seems to come out of the door with the light on, as the puddles are bigger the closer they get to it, implying that room is the bathroom. And two, the room the murder actually happened in seems to have a window/door behind a curtain, which isn't what Amane's bathroom looks like.

Adittionally, there isn't any blood outside of the murder room, implying the victim's body wasn't dragged there.

All this seems to imply Amane's victim didn't die in the bathroom, which is sorta a problem considering the previously mentioned commonly accepted theory. But this idea that Amane may have died while being punished, perhaps while being drowned as we know that's one of the accepted methods of punishment in her cult, brings up a different possibility.

What if the images in the prisoner cards aren't showing murder location? What if they show the last place the prisoner was seen in, the place they died?

Kotoko, Mikoto, and the Prisoner Cards

So, first, is there any indication either of these might be dead? For Mikoto, not really. Sure, there's the whole Death card at the end of MeMe thing, but that doesn't have to be taken so literally.

Kotoko has a very little potential hint in the fact she's shown alongside a wolf at the start of HARROW, but by the end the wolf is by itself. If the wolf represents a potential partner (long story), then maybe Kotoko died?

Though you can easily argue the wolf is slightly different and thus is meant to just represent Kotoko.

However, the reason I'm bringing them into this is because their prisoner cards are completely nonsensical under "murder location" theory for the images shown. Let's start with Kotoko.

It shows an alleyway, which at first seems like it makes sense. We do see her attacking a man in an alleyway. However, after that happens, one of the pieces of background text says this:

◆ A wanted thief was assaulted by an unknown assailant Early yesterday morning, a nearby shop employee reported hearing screaming and seeing a man lying on the ground. According to the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, the man had lost consciousness after being beaten on his face, stomach, and other areas, and was taken to the hospital. The police are currently trying to identify the suspect. [...] According to previous investigations, the male victim was wanted throughout Tokyo for theft and assault charges and was identified as the suspect, Mikio Oshii.

(Translation by Maristelina)

Mikio Oshii is the name of the man Kotoko assaulted in the alleyway. It seems odd to me that we would learn he was taken to the hospital if he later died in it somehow, especially because Kotoko didn't want to kill him. We can clearly see this because of a crucial difference between her attack on him and her attack on the serial killer who likely is her victim.

She covers her face while attacking Oshii, because she doesn't want to be recognized. She is committing assault, after all. However, that only matters if she's planning to keep him alive. Conversely, she doesn't cover her face while attacking the serial killer, because she knows he won't be a witness. She went into that warehouse planning to kill.

Of course, she could have accidentally done too much damage, but the issue there is that she would probably express some remorse in that case. She doesn't, and the fact she only ever talks about one victim-

[TASK (T1 VD)] I did kill someone. [...] I don't have a single regret.

-it really seems like Oshii was able to survive her attack.

That creates an issue with her prisoner card. It shows an alleyway, but her only victim died in a warehouse. As confusing as that sequence is, he did die in the warehouse.

You know when we do see an alleyway again, though?

But she's not wearing her face covering. And if this was the alley with the one sign about a car accident that shows up over and over in HARROW, I'd imagine we'd see the sign, even if it was obscured in some way. So once again, a silhouette shot which seems to have nothing to do with her murder or her general situation.

So, is it possible she died in this alleyway? That's the only other reason I can imagine why it'd show up in her prisoner card, so. As for what exactly happened, I imagine she may have been murdered at the whim of her victim's father?

Shocking revelation: The heinous criminal behind the crime is the privileged son of a high-ranking official!

(Article referring to Kotoko's victim)

So, she got found out and immediately assassinated? It's a bit out there, but it would explain both her prisoner card and her attitude in the prison.

And then there's Mikoto.

As you can see, his card shows a street. The issue with Mikoto is one of format. The cards only ever show one location, but we know Mikoto has at least two victims.

[Text: To the right, the Subway Murder, which clearly has a ceiling. The murderer has blood on his right cheek, his left cheek is hidden. There's also the bathhtub scene, where the right cheek is hidden, but the left cheek has blood already trailing off, which doesn't quite fit what we see in the other murder if you think about the bath chronologically.

To the left, a murder out in the street, with an open sky. The murderer has blood on their left cheek, but not on their right. This is seen in both the crime and the shower scene]

So yeah, at least two. You could argue the bathtub murder is actually a third one, which... huh. Two things that absolutely exist and a Secret Third Thing, the existance of which is disputed? Trikoto vibes.

Point is, Mikoto has two different murder locations at least. The street, yes, but also the subway. This creates a problem with the "images in the prisoner cards are murder locations" idea, because it only shows one. You could try to gymnastics your way out of this by saying maybe Hostkoto committed the street murder while Orekoto killed the other victim(s), and because only Hostkoto is considered a prisoner by Milgram, only his murder is shown? But I feel that raises more questions than it answers.

Instead, if we assume the images to be death locations, the ambiguity disappears, because Mikoto as a system can only have one death location. The issue is you have to explain how Mikoto died in the middle of the street, which is a bit difficult.

The best guess I can give is related to the subway victim. It's been pointed out before that guy looks a lot like a stereotypical Japanese delinquent, which could imply he was part of a gang. If that's the case, it's possible the killer angered the wrong people by killing him, similar to Kotoko, and thus was later murdered himself. We know that street isn't very safe, on account of one of the alters getting away with murder there. It's a pretty large stretch, and has like zero evidence, but it's physically possible at least.

Let's take a quick look at the other prisoners and see if their images can also be explained by the "death image" theory.

We know Muu would share a death location with her victim if she really committed suicide as the theory states, so nothing weird there. Haruka's a bit more awkward, because it shows the forest he very likely killed the girl in, but I'm not entirely sure if the forests near Nagaoka has bodies of water deep enough to drown oneself. There is the Shinano river, which has... trees, around it.

This was taken from Google Street View in Nagaoka. Again, not sure how deep it is, but assuming it's deep enough to drown, it could work if you ignore the trees don't look too much like the ones irl. Maybe Haruka threw himself off the bridge?

Alternatively, Nagaoka borders the sea, and it seems like there's forest almost all the way up to it. So maybe that could work? Unsure.

Worst comes to worst, we can maybe change it to saying Haruka didn't drown himself, but killed himself in some other way in the forest. Point is, I think Haruka's isn't too big of an issue.

Fuuta, Mahiru and Kazui don't have a lot of evidence towards what the hell would have happened, but the best assumption I can make is they all committed suicide because of guilt. Fuuta in his room, Mahiru in the suicide forest (likely also where her boyfriend committed suicide), and Kazui by jumping off a building like Hinako. As for their evidence...

>Fuuta burns at the end of Backdraft, which is the same thing that happens to Killcheroy, so you could argue that's meant to show he's dying. It's not great, it absolutely is just meant to be metaphorical most likely, but it is there.

Additionally, he's also an outlier for the "muder location image" theory, since what one would consider his "murder location" is very ambiguous. Is it his room, where he sent online hate from? Is it Killcheroy's room, where she assumedly died? Wouldn't it be the front of Killcheroy's house, where Fuuta took the picture to dox her? Again, death location is less ambiguous.

Fuuta's attitude during Trial 1 could be seen as a bit weird if he was suicidal, but I'm not sure we can comfortably say that with the limited information we have.

>Mahiru in I Love You goes to sleep after seeing her boyfriend dead, which could be read as her committing suicide. You know, if you're insane like me.

Especially given this question from Trial 1:

(T1) Q20: What do you think about smoking?

M: I've never smoked before, but I might copy him if who I love smokes.

That, alongside a lot of the bg text from TIHTBILWY, implies Mahiru likes the idea of copying her lover. Not the greatest quality to have when your lover commits suicide.

>Kazui has this:

Where the smoke of his cigarette turns into a noose. Of course, that's meant to represent self-destruction in general, but it could also be taken more literally. He... doesn't have much else.

Thus, everyone else vaguely fits the idea of "death image"... except him.

Our favorite headache inducing doctor strikes again! His card shows a hospital room, which is a very strange death location, but perfectly fits his murders. You could argue he runs into the same issue as Mikoto, but it's actually possible Shidou just killed all his victims in the same room, so.

Yeah, Shidou's probably the biggest counterargument for this theory. Because while it's possible he died in a hospital, there is zero evidence for it, beyond the image itself. Hell, neither Throw Down or Triage ever seems to imply he died in the first place, which is an issue. This theory's already heavily dependant on the extremely flawed "you can't disprove it" argument, but at least most of the other ones have some kind of logical progression which gets you to how they died.

So, to complete the theory, we have to make the pretty big jump that Shidou died inside a hospital room, without knowing how that happened.

... Wait, inside the room?

Wait wait wait, show me Fuuta's and Amane's again.

Hmmm... 0308... hmmmm... 0308... I totally didn't just do this to put the two together... hm...

Yeah, same thing. They both show the inside of a room. Which, along with Shidou's, shows that these images can show the inside of buildings, right?

But, then... why is Yuno's outside?

That very clearly isn't the inside of a building. But this generates a problem for the "murder location image" theory, because Yuno's "murder" was abortion. Even if it wasn't done professionally, she would have still done it inside, presumably. This creates an inconsistency with Fuuta, Amane and Shidou. If their murder locations are shown from inside, why is Yuno different?

However, this inconsistency disappears if we assume the images to be death locations. I previously established if Yuno died, she likely committed suicide by jumping off a staircase, which does vaguely fit this image. It's similar to Kazui's in that way.

Now, I don't want to get too ahead of myself here. Murder location is still absolutely the more straightforward answer, but it does come with its issues. As stated, Fuuta's image would face some ambiguity, Mikoto's would face extreme ambiguity, Amane's seems to contradict the evidence we're shown in Purge March, Yuno's is wildly inconsistent with the other images, and Kotoko's is straight up nonsensical.

Meanwhile, death locations physically work with all the cases, even if Shidou's case is extremely weird, but it requires huge assumptions and stretches. It relies heavily on how impossible it is to disprove, which is not a good sign. Russell's Teapot, and all that.

Summary of the Theory

>Everyone in Milgram is dead, and their prisoner cards in Undercover show the place where they died.

>Prisoner's memories of the events leading up to their deaths are extremely fuzzy, explaining why only Yuno seems to even suspect it.

+Haruka: Committed suicide by drowning himself, possibly in the Shinano river or the sea. [Most likely to be dead]

+Yuno: Committed suicide by jumping off the staircase we see her standing in on her Undercover silhouette shot. [Most likely to be dead]

+Fuuta: Committed suicide in his room out of guilt. [Very little evidence]

+Muu: Murder-suicide, she committed suicide after killing Rei. [A bit more evidence than others]

+Shidou: Died in a hospital room [???]

+Mahiru: "Copied" her boyfriend by killing herself in the suicide forest. [Very little evidence]

+Kazui: Jumped off a building, like Hinako. [Very little evidence]

+Amane: Drowned by her father as "punishment" for her murder. [Unfortunately, sorta likely]

+Mikoto: Murdered by one of the members of Subway Victim's gang. [Sort of filling in the blanks here]

+Kotoko: Murdered at the order of her victim's father. [Very little evidence]

Conclusion

Do I believe this theory? Honestly, I don't know. It makes a few too many assumptions for me to fully believe it, but I do think it's a decent possibility, so I wanted to share it with you all. In any case, that's all I have to say for now. If you have any thoughts about any of this, feel free to share! Also I didn't even touch on Es but you can try to fit them in somehow if you feel like it.

Anyways, if you made it this far, you deserve a hug, this post was depressing. Take care!

#milgram #milgram project #milgram theory #fuuta kajiyama #amane momose #mikoto kayano #shidou kirisaki #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #muu kusunoki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #kotoko yuzuhira

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mgc02 · 4 days

Note

Can I request Alastor and his boyfriend adopting a lost cannibal child?

Hell spawned Fawn

Alastor x reader

Cw: fluff ig, child in hell, mentions of death of parents

Alastor and you were going a quiet stroll just the two of you when you both heard crying. Alastor tried to insist you stayed there while he investigated but you weren't scared. Only concerned for whoever it was. You went down the alley together to see a little girl with bleach white skin and red hair crying into her hands with pitch black eyes.

Alastor let his guard down quickly, asking if the girl was ok and where her parents were. "They're gone. They went out during the extermination, and they haven't come back, " she said between sobs. It was obvious what likely happened. You couldn't help but feel bad for her. She had no where to go so the two of you brought her back to the hotel with you.

At first she took a while to get comfortable. Alastor and you did whatever you could to help her. Alastor would cook for her, you would read to her, and you both would take her on walks together. Eventually she started to come out of her shell. She started to get mischievous and playful. Bold and excitable. She got along well with Niffty. And Vaggie said she could see her turning into a little Alastor.

Alastor and you both grew very fond of her and since the search for her parents ended with confirmation of what you both had feared you knew she needed both of you. You and Alastor discussed it after she slept one night.

"She needs us. We should adopt her." You said. Alastor hesitated. "Never in my life did I think I'd be a father. Now I might become one in my afterlife? You know my father was not a good man. What if I'm as bad as he was?" Alastor was not exactly an angel but you were not concerned that he would be a bad dad. "Not much would change Alastor. She would just have a permanent home and a family to call her own. Something we can give her. You've been doing a great job so far. I know that whatever happens you'll be great. Besides like I said, she needs us."

Alastor thought for a moment before he heard the door creek open. "Y/n! Alastor!" She cried running in. "Whats wrong my little fawn" Alastor comforted her unaware of how fatherly he was being. "I had a nightmare! Can I sleep in here?" She pouted on the verge of tears. "Of course." You answered. And she crawled her way onto the bed and snuggled between the two of you. She fell asleep fast and her head fell onto Alastor's shoulder.

Alastor looked down at her before back at you. "You're right. We will adopt her. I'm sure I'll be a fine father. And so will you"

#hazbin hotel #vivziepop #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x you

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throwaway-yandere · 2 years

Text

Worksheets (Yandere!Alhaitham/Reader)

A/n: What's this, Ansy? Planning on two Alhaitham fics??? Are you not loyal to Dain or Ayat– Speak not, my comrade. Don't tell me that the new Archon Quest wasn't delectable lmao. Also, today was the first time I got a tip, and I??? I've never known happiness quite like that. I'm crying. I will remember you forever, "mommy milkers", I'll dedicate this fic to you ;;-;; (I'm pretty sure I know who you are "*chomp* *chomp*" but that name is entertaining lmao.) On another note, kinda loved how this fic turned out and this is prolly the closest thing I'll ever write to a "lime" lmao.

Unreliable Synopsis: (Student!Alhaitham era) Studying 20 languages is quite an exhausting task. It's a great thing Alhaitham is eager to help his "study buddy".

Cw: yandere themes, implied drugging and non/dubcon. Please don't read this if you're sensitive to the content mentioned. Your mental health matters.

—--------

Alhaitham, like you, is not the type to strike up an amusing discussion while he has a book in his hands. So he laid down his book and decided to take yours as well.

As Akademiya students, you are both bound by a single, exhausting clearance requirement: master 20 languages before graduation. So far, you think you're passable at best on writing romanized Inazuman script and laughable at worst on pronouncing proper Liyue intonations. You can already count yourself as one of the many students that won't see the light of employment next year, but Alhaitham won't let you sulk so readily.

"Time's up. You're done, right?"

He slid the textbook off the table and began flipping through your work.

You didn't reply. Instead, you felt the weight of your head on both palms. It's not that you're unable to reply. You just don't want to admit how illiterate you are in foreign linguistics.

"(Y/n), look at me when I'm speaking."

"I accept my fate." You muttered, soundly defeated. And then, you let yourself rest on the table. "Here lies (Y/n) (L/n). May they finally learn how to pronounce 印 properly in the afterlife."

Alhaitham rolled his eyes.

"Should I help send you off to Aaru Village? Want a proper goodbye from your old study buddy?"

"That would be quite nice, yes."

"Sure. I'll be happy to do that." He stopped flipping through the pages and focused all his attention on you. "If you started acting hysterical and destructive. But you're not. You're just miserable and reserved."

"Thanks for that wonderful assessment, Professor Alhaitham. I'm sure studying neurophilosophy helped you come up with that conclusion. Oh, your brilliance never ceases to surprise me!"

Alhaitham chuckled. His chuckles are almost always short-lived and 100% condescending.

"(Y/n), language is simply not your forte. But you do wonders in mathematics since we are almost on the same level."

You glared, finally meeting his gaze.

"Must you always brag about yourself whenever you try to cheer me up?"

"Hmm?"

"Lord Kusanali– don't tell me you haven't noticed that about yourself…"

He lightly smacked your head with your textbook. You winced, exaggerating your pain.

"Our conversation isn't about me, it's you. Now, enlighten me, how on earth did you manage to mistake Snezhnayan scripts in a Liyue assignment?"

"E-Eh?!"

You snatched your book back.

"Holy shit. You're right."

You may not like beer, the first time you drank one it tasted funny, but at that moment you decided that once exams are over you're going to get completely inebriated.

Alhaitham watched you reread your work and fondly memorized the way your eyebrows knitted and your eyes skimming through the pages. Your fingers gripped that book as if your life depended on it. That might as well be true knowing your passion for your degree, but he simply wished you will spare part of that zeal for him.

He used to study alone until you showed up. Freshman year was brutal and unkind, but when you insisted on becoming his partner the world had taken on a vibrant hue. Alhaitham never asked for a partner, but your proposal was enticing that he had to say yes. He lied and said he merely wanted to see where this would lead him before, but now he is proud to say he did not regret that decision. It's a shame that your persuasive techniques do not work well with complex Liyue scripts, if they did you would've aced these tests.

"Ugghhh... I hope I get buried raw so I wouldn't have to worry about funeral expenses too..."

Alhaitham did not mind that he's helping you work on your quote-unquote "bane of existence." Students at the Akademiya sometimes fear group work, but he's not one of them. He hopes for one in each subject should it entail that you'll be beside him. Should the assignment be on a frost-prickling mountain, he still wouldn't hesitate to tag along if it meant sharing his cloak and warmth with you. Alhaitham doubts he cares about any other factors. As a friend and intellectual collaborator, you've become irreplaceable.

That's why he won't let you fall behind.

"Chin up." He patted your head like you would a cat.

"H-Huh?"

"I said chin up," Alhaitham spoke, uncharacteristically soft. "I'll be right here beside you until we graduate."

You smiled, not at all comforted but grateful for the gesture. You sat up straight. "Thanks, Haitham."

When given the option to either comfort or critique, Alhaitham doesn't hesitate to choose the latter. This small moment made you happy. Back then, he used to be rather cold and skilled at getting you off his life. You subconsciously began to grin. Your friend Lisa was right, he softens when he's with you–

"Which is why I'll be sending you additional practice sheets for you to work on," Alhaitham added bluntly, his words dropping like a hammer. "I'm not letting you play games until you perfect writing these scripts."

Your eyes stared coldly back at him.

Nevermind. Forget it. He's the same as he had always been.

"Way to ruin the moment, Future Grand Scribe."

—----

Three days have passed and it's the last day of your dreaded linguistics exams.

Well, that sounds more significant than what it is. It's the last day of ALHAITHAM'S MOCK EXAMS, which is what it actually is, but you can't help but feel nervous as you would in a real graded performance. He takes practice exercises and their punishments very seriously. Last time was just a surprise quiz, so the intensity differed greatly.

Alhaitham took a seat at an adjacent table. He was amusingly dressed in a pair of glasses and an Akademiya professor uniform. You'd mock him for believing in you when you claimed you wanted the exam to be as immersive as possible, but his execution is far too effective for your liking. For crying out loud, he even received the alchemy professor's signed permission to borrow his room!

"For your last test, you need to translate this Liyue text back to Sumeru scripts. I'll give you… 30 minutes for this." He said, adjusting his timer.

Alhaitham cast a sidelong glance at you, pretending not to see your apprehension. His fingers lingered over the reset and split buttons.

"Are you ready?"

You felt your palms beginning to sweat.

"S-Sure."

He didn't care what your answer was– no professor would ever wait for a student. Alhaitham flipped the test paper to its front page.

"Timer starts now."

Nervously, you picked up your pen and paper and started reading. Alhaitham left the timer on top of the table and went back to drinking his cup.

Alright, here we go.

Decoding it was simple, at first. The start felt like a canned script for a traditional romantic light novel. You translated the messages back to your native tongue. Then, things started to become a bit complicated.

'I've decided to be entirely honest and truthful in this letter, so I'll start from the very beginning. I used to despise you.'

Your nose scrunched, amused. What an introduction. You pointed your pen in his direction.

"Is our friendship over, Haitham?"

He glared. "Quit talking. 29 minutes and 38 seconds–"

"Alright, alright. Geez."

'But you were so relentless that I couldn't help but cave in. Who wouldn't? You're personable and you share my beliefs about research autonomy. It's difficult to find someone who is an expert at both. You'd know that best.'

'It's pitiful that I can't handle the notion of losing you once this is finished. Many people do not consider me to be empathic and they frequently misinterpret my lack of emotional expression as a lack of empathy. But you've always been so accepting of me.'

'It's a shame that you left me when morning came. I've never felt solitude quite like that wake-up call.'

You grimaced as you continued to read the rest of the paragraphs. Whoever wrote this must be seriously lovelorn and obsessed because they wrote as if they've hopelessly known that their affections will remain unreciprocated beyond half a decade.

The author went on to describe how they had watched their beloved enjoy their life blissfully ignorant of the misery they had caused him. Given that Alhaitham creates everything by hand, the stark contrast between the material and his precise letterings does nothing to express the writer's frantic confession.

'I can't get the thought of you out of my mind. It's exhilarating. I've never been this stimulated before I met you.'

'I need you, even after our partnership is over.'

You can't get over how, in Alhaitham's fine handwriting, the author gradually spiraled from unrequited love to an obsession that can't be helped.

'You have qualities that no one else possesses. Traits that I want in a lifelong companion. You taught me things I didn't know I wanted for myself. And you are on top of that list.'

'As you're probably aware, you do have a guardian angel. I sometimes answer your assignments for you. Every morning, I pay for your coffee and leave sticky notes in case you overlook your deadlines. These are all unpaid acts of kindness, but they make me feel like I'm laying a better foundation for a relationship with you.'

'I admit, I don't mind following you around like an affectionate dog every now and then. Your schedule is predictable. You even handed me a duplicate with your new phone number on it. It's both pleasant and difficult for me to watch you from a distance, but what else can I do? Everyone knows I'm rather socially inept for this to play out as smoothly as I'd hope so I had to stoop to this method.'

'At least I learned not to break doors this time."

'Once we both graduate, I might not be able to see you again in my life. We will no longer work together as much as we did before. I wouldn't be able to see you laugh or make excuses just to touch you. I like being near you. Even if you consider me as a one-night stand. Even if you consider me as your biggest mistake.'

You looked at Alhaitham with a face that ridiculed his choice of picking this creepy excerpt. He didn't so much as move and continued sitting at the table, staring at you robotically calm.

You hope this Liyue person has already been apprehended by the Millelith.

You resumed deciphering after deciding to trust whatever bizarre letter Alhaitham had assigned to you. You were beginning to feel sorry for the person Alhaitham obtained the love letter from and its intended recipient... You wouldn't be astonished if Alhaitham pulled this letter from the hands of a mad scholar and deemed it a worthy linguistics exercise.

'You're mine and you will learn to love me. I've already decided on that.'

'I'm sure that declaration is bound to scare you, but I genuinely meant it. I can understand if you react violently. I wouldn't hate you if you tried to contact the authorities, but just know that eremites are useless against me.'

You scowled. Perhaps your study companion wanted you to be wholly aware that translating is not an easy task. If so, you're impressed by his dedication. You'd never read a letter like this again.

Then it got worse.

'That's why I need to take control again.'

'I need you to open your eyes– I need you to know that without me, you cannot survive in a world beyond academics.'

'You need me just as much as I need you, too.'

'So when will you invite me back to Dorm 569?'

You stopped reading and you felt the clip of your pen snap.

Slowly, you turned the paper to its back. Your eyes were glued to the table, unable to look at your study partner's face.

"Alhaitham…" You laughed sheepishly. "Do… Do you have to go above and beyond writing such a… personal sounding example? You know, the Akademiya doesn't allow plagiarism—especially when it's a creepy love letter."

Being batch-mates with Alhaitham, you're well aware of his eccentricities. And being batch-mates with you helps him pretend that there's nothing creepy about knowing a few minor details too.

But this is… is not one of them.

Alhaitham placed his mug down and began to peek through your worksheets behind you.

"Five minutes left, I'm guessing you're on the last paragraph?" He spoke as if your concerns were nonexistent.

"Of course I'm on the damn last paragraph!!!"

You immediately covered your mouth, looking around the room if you had disturbed others, before being staunchly reminded that you are alone. With him.

It's like reading a horror story at home alone on the weekends. The setting is safe, you trust Alhaitham, but your heart is restless.

Dorm 569.

It's your dorm number but it's not an innocent suggestion if– when it comes from him. The implication was sinister and cruel. There is a historical context that vastly changes the flow of this conversation. A context that you don't want to address plainly.

"This is just a joke, right?" You gulped dryly. Despite your treacherous nerves, you made a joke. "You're not stalking me, are you?"

He raised an eyebrow.

Alhaitham steadily reduced the gap between you two by holding your chair with both hands. Before you could realize it, he had already closed off all means of escape. You felt his breathing brush against you. Every inch of your body begged for a sprint as his green-orange eyes peered through your soul, calculating as they had always been.

You need to leave.

"You're going to brush off the rest of what you've read and focus on such a minor detail? You're not going to ask if I have feelings for you like a normal person?"

His breath smelled like coffee.

"I would if this fucking letter sounded anywhere close to normal!" You yell-whispered.

You combed your hair back with your fingers, feeling your entire body shaken by his implied agreement.

"Shit, Alhaitham… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell your ears out– I'm just a bit…" You laughed, sinking your weight on the chair's cross rail but he inched closer, maintaining the distance you had before. "Moved? I'm so bad at vocab, is that the word? Yeah, moved by that love letter, I suppose."

"Don't be sarcastic. You're frightened."

You scoffed.

"D-Duh, making jokes is a coping mechanism. Something you wouldn't relate to, I know."

He didn't move from his position.

You breathed in sharply. "What?"

"You still haven't asked."

"Asked what?"

"If I like you romantically."

"W-Well, you still haven't answered me either."

"Answered what?"

"... Is it true? Are you stalking me?"

He did not hesitate to answer. "In a sense, yes."

What…?

Your stomach flipped at his nonchalant reply. He tilted your chin up. The short distance between you two began to diminish as you felt Alhaitham's hair against your cheek.

"How else would I know your dorm number if I didn't, right?"

You slapped his hand away. "You know what I meant. This isn't funny at all. Please answer me seriously."

"I thought you think of me as a guardian angel. You wanted the truth and I gave you my thoughts." Alhaitham pressed.

You don't want to believe it.

You don't want to acknowledge that it was someone you trusted who forced you to bed.

"I am stalking you. Tell me– who else would've fucked you senseless that night? Go on, tell me, (Y/n)."

But you knew deep down that it was him.

You shoved him off, but he was stronger than you are. You've seen him in action, he did not lie when fighting eremites are child's play to him. You're his study partner, and you, unfortunately, know him best as he stated in that letter.

Dorm 569. That night was a blur and you've changed rooms since then. Another student, Soraya, began living in your old room. You couldn't bear to visit and see how the freshman was doing.

You never actively seek parties, and Alhaitham was the same. But one night, you both decided to finally experience the infamous "college life" by attending one. Your brain refused to unfold everything that transpired. Pieces of your conversations occasionally resurface, but they're all mundane yet bitter. Retracing your steps had a major discrepancy from drinking beer to waking up in your dorm with a broken door.

Nothing explained why your study partner was naked beside you, lovingly caressing your hair.

"Were you fantasizing about another man? One of our seniors, perhaps? Are you one of those people who get off on unbalanced relationship dynamics?"

There was no explanation as to why you woke up screaming.

And there were no words spoken about it the next time you bumped into each other.

He never mentioned it again.

And you foolishly thought that was the end of it.

"S-Stop…"

"If not our old seniors… Was it our Ethics professor?"

Your heart dropped.

Alhaitham laughed. His usually calm green-orange eyes that soothed you swirled with what you assumed was jealousy and self-loathing. Two emotions you have not seen before, or at least, did not acknowledge.

You both knew you were scared to face reality. But he doesn't want to play these mind games any longer. Alhaitham already decided on it. You will recall everything.

His grip on your chin tightened.

"It's him, correct? I won't forget the way you moaned 'Sir' when I pulled your hair. If I wasn't confident, I wouldn't be wearing this stupid pair of glasses and uniform just to woo you."

You could no longer speak. Alhaitham took it as permission to do anything he wants with you. Just like that night.

His lengthy fingers pinched your inner thigh.

"Then again, I don't think I can keep acting like him. Spiking a drink would be in his list of unforgivable actions I'm sure."

You trembled.

"Still won't answer, (Y/n)? Or would you prefer I call you Mx. (L/n)?"

Alhaitham scoffed, grinning.

"You don't have to answer. We have the classroom all to ourselves to test that hypothesis."

#yandere al haitham #yandere alhaitham #yandere al haitham x reader #yandere alhaitham x reader #yandere genshin x reader #yandere #yandere genshin #yandere x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere fanfiction #yandere oneshot #yandere genshin imagines #yandere male #tag: w - alhaitham #alhaitham #technically aint? but oh well lol #idk what tumblr wants from me #ansy-writes

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rainderthesomeone · 2 months

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CW Abortion rights and Texas politics.

youtube

Hey guys, I don’t like getting political on here and discussing topics that may upset certain people, I like getting along with everyone on here, and staying away from this stuff, but…. I don’t know what to think about this, ever since I discovered who I was as an individual, my beliefs shifted over the years due to an abusive parent shoving there beliefs and opinions on me at a young age, now that I’m older and have discovered my voice and identity, my view on Christianity has changed, my perspective on things has been warped due to all the hate I’ve seen in the religion and the kind of people within this religion, my mother is Christian and she respects who I am and because of her I still believe there’s an afterlife and some form of god, but…. I just don’t know or understand this video fully I’m conflicted, on one hand I’m afraid of how many people in this video and the comment section are saying abortion is a sin and you’ll go to hell, I’m a young trans man who hasn’t undergone any surgery or medical stuff yet I’m still in a woman’s body and I’m fearful of what will happen, I’ve always been fearful of all the politicians slowly taking away our human rights or choice…..this was all in Texas 13 days ago….y’all should I be scared of this? I just don’t know how to feel about this.

#politcs #abortion rights #btw I live in Texas uh…should I move soon? lol #human rights #women rights #texas politics #Youtube

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look-how-they-massacred-them · 10 months

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Preliminary Poll

Korekiyo Shinguji

Submission reason:

okay so throughout the game there are some heavy implications of abuse from his sister but they completely throw that away. they don't let him heal from his trauma or even realize that no, his sister did not love him and so people think he's into incest when he's a victim of grooming. it sucks even more because he was really cool before that :( they also gave him an outfit resembling a nazi uniform but it's never even implied that he's a nazi... spike chunsoft is just horrible when it comes to this

Up until [spoiler: the trial of the third chapter], the game builds him up to be a charismatic and kind of weird man. He would have had great potential, but instead the game pulls a [spoiler: 'SURPRISE! HE ACTS SO CREEPY BECAUSE HE WAS GROOMED BY HIS OLDER SISTER, AND EVERYTHING HE DOES, LIKES OR HAS AS A MOTIVE IS DICTATED BY WHETHER SHE WOULD HAVE SUPPORTED IT BECAUSE OF HOW OVERLY CONTROLLING SHE WAS, BUT INSTEAD WE'RE GOING TO DEPICT HIM AS SOME INCESTUOUS CREEP FOR IT FOR NO GOOD REASON'], and it is so darn irritating to see so many people hate him because they mistake his character as just being [spoiler: incestuous, even though it's clear that it was abuse.]

okay. there's layers to this shit. so gimme a second. spoilers for all of danganronpa v3, cw for incest specifically. Shinguji, for the first half of the game, is a Cool Dude. A lot of the characters think he's kind of a freak, but I just read him as being autistic and bad at social cues (for example, not realizing when it is and isn't appropriate to discuss death or sex). He's always very polite, though, and never tries to stir up any trouble. Then, Chapter 3 comes to its awful, awful conclusion. Shinguji has murdered two of his classmates in cold blood. Why? Because he had a spiritual experience that led him to believe his dead sister needed one hundred friends in the afterlife. Also, he and his sister were lovers. Also also, he manifested what basically amounts to a tulpa of his dead sister that emerges when he takes off his mask. So Shinguji went from being a cool character to an incestuous Buffalo Bill/Norman Bates character. But wait, there's more! In optional dialogue, there's a LOT to suggest that Shinguji was actually a victim of grooming by his sister (she was older than him, he states she was very controlling, the tulpa version is really mean to Shinguji, etc). So Danganronpa not only turned this guy into an incestuous serial killer with a "scary girl personality", but they implied that all this happened because he... was a victim of abuse? And he didn't even realize it until he died??? But here's the kicker: he was screwed over by canon... in canon. Let me explain. Every character in Danganronpa V3 is, effectively, a fictional character placed in a real body in-universe. Teenagers sign up to be put in a murder game, get their original personalities replaced with new ones written by Team Danganronpa, and they let them loose. Clearly, not everyone gets what they want out of that deal. We are shown three audition tapes from three different people who went on to become characters in V3 (again, all in-universe). Saihara wanted to be the first detective in Danganronpa history to kill someone, he ended up never killing anyone. Momota wanted to cause a massacre, the closest thing he got was being the assistant in someone's assisted suicide. So, it's very possible that the original Shinguji wanted something very different out of his character, and the in-universe writers of this game *deliberately made him this way*. They gave a teenager trauma he very well may not have had before. Obviously, this implies that the entirety of V3's cast got screwed over by canon in-universe, but I think being turned into a victim of incestuous grooming on a whim of a few writers is one of the biggest screw-overs I could imagine. And of course, let's not forget the evidence that this was written to satisfy a writer's fetish. There's a lot of incest in V3. Previous entries in the franchise made jokes about it (because its an anime video game and we cant have a normal fuckign anime game), but immediately after Shinguji dies, two other characters enter an incestuous relationship. Admittedly this one is played for laughs, as the characters are robots and thus cannot be actually related, but it's still weird. And THEN you realize that one character, Tsumugi Shirogane, was secretly a writer for this game all along. And then you realize there's an optional scene where you see Shirogane's deepest romantic fantasy... stepsiblings hooking up. I don't know if any of this makes sense, especially if you haven't touched this series with a 10 foot poll. But I'm tired and nauseous and just wanted to get my Shinguji essay out of the way.

uncalled for incest plot in a franchise that is already riddled with incest as well a making him a serial killer on top of that. Every single aspect of both of those things conflict with what his character is about, reducing him to a creepy weirdo and glorifying abuse against men because the perpetrator is a woman (who is also older than him and was supposed to be his caretaker)

Propaganda:

Deeper understanding of Korekiyo reveals he was most likely a victim of grooming and assault, has a completely warped perception of what he went through while the game actively wants to paint him as the perpetrator. Korekiyo deserves better

If the image link I submitted didn't work, just Google him. He'll show up. I love him despite how badly they fumbled him.

There was nothing wrong with how he went out, he just deserved better writing when he did.

when his research lab opens he runs around lookkng at everything like a kid and i think that's great. autism. also there's this art where he's eating pasta which is so funny for no reason + the pasta, which he said the name of completely seriously, is listed on the menu as "pasta that tastes like a lonely old lady eating her grandkid's birthday cake" and he's really cool and creepy i love that

#look how they massacred them poll #look how they massacred my boy #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #korekiyo shinguji #drv3 korekiyo #danganronpa korekiyo #tw incest

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novemberthecatadmirer · 2 years

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Thoughts on Elves’ Perception of Death

CW: Discussion on the topic of how people view suicide.

I have been thinking about how elves may view death.

Like when mortals die they get yote to Only-God-Knows-Where, and Morgoth took benefit of this ambiguity and made people fear death. And I can see how fear of death can benefit his goal of making everyone fucking crazy and evil.

For elves they knew where they are going: They are going to Mandos-filled-with-top-tier-tapestries to have some personal reflections and nice rest and then eventually be thrown back to the world to try (suffer) again.

My personal head canon of Mandos: It was COZY. Great fiber art. Hang out with your dead relatives. Had equivalent of televisions livestreaming all the dramas of the living world.

Yeah there were people that were desperate to get back to their life again to continue the good fight, but they were not able to because their souls were still injured by death, or they got stopped by overworked maiar (exasperated medical workers) because they were not completely healed and “stop being difficult we do not want to see you back within a hundred of years”. But there were definitely a few people who had to be basically kicked out (“you are healed enough, we have limited spaces, and the construction team for hall expansion are fucking tired.”)

Miriel got away by “I want to help with your wife making tapestries.”

Namo was offended that people call his hospital jail. Yeah most people did not want to stay in hospital, but can’t you see it is necessary?

So now here is the problem. When the choice is between death (and go to elf therapy center) and torture & enslavement (being forced to serve the evil and possibly still die and go to elf therapy center, only now you need much, much more therapy), what would be the more sensible choice?

I feel Tolkien possibly had awareness of this problem, so he had this idea that elves were not allowed to suicide. Unless they get raped. That’s interesting that he thought being raped is the absolutely worst thing that could be inflicted on a person, and I still do not have much clear opinion on that. In general I think there are many awful things a person can suffer, and for many of them you cannot figure out which is awful and which is awful but not that awful. Each of them fucks you up in different ways. Thus, I cannot find myself to accept this idea as canon.

Also, even this is true, elves cannot suicide, can’t they mercy kill each other when the situation was dare?

So either elves cannot suicide at all no matter how (which is kinda contrary to canon,) or they were free to murder themselves for whatever reasons.

I find myself accept the idea that Morgoth and some of his servants had the abilities to trap people’s souls and force them to live. Basically, you do not get to stay died in Angband when you are not allowed to die. The evil had some wicked healing power, when you die they just revive you in your broken body and fix you enough for you to continue to be tortured/used by them. There was no way to escape, even through death.

(Yes, I am the person who believed Morgoth and Sauron were much more evil and awful and creative and smart than people give them credit for. I think of Morgoth as atrocities of invasion wars, and Sauron as atrocities of authoritarian governments. Morgoth provided the core concept and Sauron provided the methods.)

So, do elves view death the same way our mortals view death?

Death had been viewed as an escape for some human, even we do not know if we have an afterlife or not. No matter justified or not (and I don’t think anyone of us can judge each other’s decisions), many who committed suicide wanted a way to stop the pain they are suffering, in body or in mind or in both. Many of them did not even believe their existence would go anywhere other than fading into the void nothingness, but did the act because they just wanted to stop existing.

And elves knew there is a place waiting for them. That knowledge... Probably can be strangely comforting.

Does that make fighting to death in battles less scary? Does that make killing yourself less terrifying? Does that make killing someone else less guilt wracking because you can be delusional enough to somehow convince yourself that it is... less permanent?

Also, what does it really mean when an elf choose death over something else? Do they view death as a way out of confinement, that they see freedom in death?

I think Eol probably somehow convinced himself that he could use death as a quick escape for him, his son, and possibly his wife as a way out of the wicked city (which was apparently awful and delusional) (And my personal headcanon is he rejected Call from Mandos and became a wandering houseless spirit and got to see how things turned to shit for his son and prayed someone could come to kill and release his son from all these Noldor shit and wished he succeed in killing his son but he could do nothing because he was a bodiless spirit)

I think Maedros chose to jump the fuck down into that blasted lava pit because he did not even want an afterlife. He just wanted to stop existing and he knew he could not because he was an elf, and even the mortal cannot stop existing they just got sent to somewhere else. He was also scared of being sent to everlasting darkness. So he jumped into this shiny bright fire pit, hoped it would burn him and take away everything of him including all the sin he committed.

My headcanon for the everlasting darkness:

It does not exist.

No, you do not go wherever you imagine after death. You either go to Mandos then get sent back to life when you are elf, or go to Mandos then get sent to Eru-knows-where when you are mortal, we don’t know what happens if you are dwarf but there is a place for you, or you reject the call and wander as a spirit and SUFFER. But you do not go to a place made up by your melodramatic father in his rage for his awful poetic oath because it does not exist.

Feanorians swore to be casted to something that did not even exist.

They did drown in everlasting darkness, metaphorically. They went there not because of their oath, but because of the things they did.

#silmarillion #the silmarillion #silm #silm headcanons #tolkien #lotr #elves #morgoth #melkor #sauron #mairon #mandos #Eol #maedhros #feanorians #sons of feanor

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not-too-many-eyes · 1 year

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Digimon Survive, Mistakes and Moving On Part 1: Shuuji and Ryo

(Day 2 of Survive Week: Survive) [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Takuma Addition] So Digimon Survive is a huge game, with 4 routes and a lot of moving parts, Digimon Survive tells a story about eight kids transported to dangerous world and the emotionally conflicts and physical challenges that come with it. This was originally going to also talk about all four routes and there respective focus characters but then I realized it was too long so I split it up.

With that out of the way, let's talk about the first two deaths of Survive and how they connect with the games themes. CWs: Discussion of Child Abuse, Death, Self-Hatred Spoiler Warning for: Everything. Mostly the game pre-route split though. My Italics kept on breaking and when I checked this again for some last minute editing. no idea why if you notice any weird itallics that's why. I need to stop writing directly into the tumblr post maker.

Ryo Tominaga

When you first meet Ryo It's easy to dismiss Ryo as nothing more than a cowardly delinquent, and it's not like he gives you a lot to work with. Ryo tends to be rude and hostile but also terrified all the time and thoroughly unhelpful because of that. He also doesn't have a good relationship with his partner Kunemon, who can't talk and can only communicate through body language and tone, Kunemon tries his best to connect with his partner, but Ryo keeps pushing him away, terrified of him.

We are not encouraged to empathize with Ryo, in fact we are encouraged to do the opposite. To find him cowardly and his fear silly. To be annoyed with his actions, to be frustrated with his attitude. Ryo is designed to be hated. Ryo is the one dragging the group down, the one making this already stressful situation even worse, maybe if he just...wasn't there the situation would become easier, more bearable.

But as the game progresses you find that Ryo is struggling, his mental health deteriorates over the three chapters before his possible death. With Ryo at the end of it muttering about doom and ghosts and the afterlife and his mom.

But the group doesn't do much to help him. Because there's so much more important things to do, find everyone else, manage supplies, continue surviving. So Ryo's problems are ignored and Minoru even actively makes fun of Ryo during the first three chapters, exacerbating the situation.

This comes to a head in Chapter 3 where, if you don't have enough Affinity with Ryo (or are on your first save), he dies, the fog using his dead mother to lure him into it.

Haru: Why do you want to return to the real world? Ryo: I d-don't belong here. This isn't my world Ryo: Takuma and the others all hate me. I know because they all treat me like dead weight Ryo: They're trying to use those monsters of theirs to get rid of me Haru: Oh? Is that how it looks like to you Ryo: That's why I want to go back! Back to my world, back to my home! Ryo: But its okay. Any minute now, Mommy will call me, and then I'll be saved' Haru: *sigh* Haru: Just how long are you going to keep deluding yourself? Haru: You should know better than anyone that your mother is never going to call you Ryo: *gasp* Ryo: Yes...That's right... Ryo: Mommy was always sick. I wanted to spend more time with her, but the doctor said no... Ryo: I tired so hard...Whenever i was lonely she'd tell me to be strong, but.. Ryo: But those...Those were her last words.

Something the group didn't know before the start of this game was that Ryo's mom died, and Ryo was left to cope with his grief. Alone, in a strange, deadly world. With people who, at least to him, hated his guts.

No wonder he was such a wreck this entire time.

Ryo's death is a big turning point in the game, where the danger of the situation really sets in for everyone. And afterwards when everyone goes back to the school after being calmed down by Shuuji, Takuma reflects on how if they just, tried harder they could of possibly prevented this.

Takuma: (Surely there must of been something more I could of done) Takuma: (Maybe if we'd all work together or if I'd been more determined or...) -------------------------------- Takuma: There must of been something we could've done to save him. Maybe if we started earlier... Takuma: I knew. When he couldn't open up to Kunemon, when he got so scared of Dokugumon, how he acted in that classroom, on the trail, or even just talking with him. It was clear Takuma: I knew he was struggling. But I didn't help him. Takuma: I just....let him suffer.

I'll talk about that in more detail later when we get into post-split content. I'll just say it's important to note that Takuma, Aoi, and Shuuji are blaming themselves for Ryo's death and, as seen later on, this isn't really a good thing. As much as Ryo dies because he wasn't given support, it's not really right to say that Takuma and the rest should of bent over backwards for him. This is why dialogue choices that raise his affinity involve Takuma, not necessarily agreeing with him, but understanding him, which let's Ryo knows that he is part of the group, that they won't abandon him, even if Ryo really was just a cowardly jerk.

Because of this, Ryo survives, and gets better.

Ryo is a great member of the cast, he's loyal and attentive. Helping Aoi and Shuuji to manage to group when Takuma disappears, Ryo is also one of the more proactive members of the group, helping everyone stay on track and get things done. And While Ryo can be overly pessimistic and still has trouble communicating with everyone it's clear that he's a reliable guy in his own way.

Ryo: Yeah, um...I mean, how do I say this... Ryo: When he's (Takuma) not around, I can't just leave it all to you and Aoi... Ryo: I'll, uh...I'll follow your lead, a'ight? Shuuji: Ryo... Shuuji: Sure, I'm glad I can rely on you. -------------------------------- Kaito: Quiet, Miu! I'm saying this for your sake...! Miu: You're not doing this for me! Kaito, you- Ryo: Knock it off you two. Now's not the time to be butting heads Takuma: (Ryo stopped the fight...His mouth's as nasty as ever, but he's keeping a cool head.) Ryo: First, let's hear what Takuma has to say. What's this about Miyuki being the key?

Another thing of note is that while Ryo's actions Pre-Chapter 3 are neither dwelled on, or brushed aside like nothing happened.

Ryo: I really think you would (save everyone no matter what)...Wish I could be like you. Takuma: You should just keep doing you, man. No point in becoming like me. Ryo: You think the guy standing in front of you could save someone? Takuma: The guy right now? Absolutely. When I think of how you were when we got to this world... Takuma: You've changed a lot. That's how I know. Ryo: Yeah, maybe. The fact that I can understand this guy (Kunemon) now is proof enough. -------------------------------- Ryo: This wold has given us a ton of memories. Ryo: Honestly, there's a lot I want to forget... Ryo: For real. It feels like people have been messing around with me the whole time. Takuma: Now that's not true. Ryo: Not for you, sure! But Minoru, man... Ryo: I mean, I guess it's my fault for giving him so much ammunition in the first place. Takuma: ...One day everything that went down here will be distant memories. Ryo: I'm sure that's true. And when that happens... Ryo: I want them to be great memories. That's why we'll save Miyuki. We've got to. -------------------------------- Ryo: Huh? What are you thanking me for? Takuma: Oh, nothing in particular. Everything you've done for us so far. Ryo: Oh, that's good. Ryo: Well, thank you, too. And, I'm sorry. Takuma: Wait, why are you apologizing? Ryo: Oh, for all kinds of stuff. I was kind of a jerk. Violence, selfish...you know. Takuma: Yeah, kind of. Ryo: That's why I'm apologizing. Sorry

Ryo certainly hasn't forgotten that he was a bit of a jerk, he apologizes to Takuma and Kunemon, does his best to help and support the group, and most importantly resolve to do better without drowning himself in guilt.

Ryo doesn't dwell on his mistakes that much because he knows that he can do better. Ryo knows that making a mistake, making multiple bad mistakes, isn't the end, and what's really important is making up for it. Ryo changed, because he wanted to do better.

All these traits is why he's the perfect character to help out one Shuuji Kayama. Shuuji Kayama

Shuuji is an interesting character, he's the oldest of the group and before chapter 5 is in charge and leads the group through this world. Because he's the oldest and thus has to be the most responsible of the bunch.

This, doesn't go well to say the least. Shuuji feels less like someone your working with but someone your working around, and can often feel bossy, defensive, or unreasonable.

And Shuuji isn't really listened to by the group, most of the group have a lot of grievances about how he acts. Minoru and Kaito especially are very critical of Shuuji's actions, with Minoru making fun of him and Kaito harshly criticizing him.

Shuuji is also the one with the worst relationship with his partner at the start. Shuuji is verbally abusive to Lopmon and acts hostile towards him, pushing him harder than anyone else in the group, not even letting him rest for a few minutes.

Shuuji Kayama is designed to be hated even more than Ryo was. His actions are often times frustrating, his treatment of Lopmon is horrible, and he's clearly not ready to lead a group, especially one in such a dangerous situation.

And, just like Ryo. It's easy to think that if Shuuji just, wasn't there, or stayed out of the way, the situation would be less stressful, more bearable.

When Chapter 5 rolls around we are first shown a nightmare Shuuji is having, it's about his family, Shuuji's dad is berating him, that he must hate him for not living up to the Kayama name. His brother is on the sidelines, saying that he'll "do his best for the both of them" and the nightmare ends with Shuuji's dad abandoning him, leaving him behind.

Shuuji Kayama is an abused child, one trying his hardest to live up to his family's expectations, and yet still failing to no matter how hard he tries.

In Chapter 5 the group goes to confront Arukenimon and to possible reason or attack her to gain information, due to a series of events the group is separated from each other and shown various illusions the group eventually meets up and eliminates the illusions, except for Shuuji, who's shown a very different illusion from everyone else, one of his dad, and then later, Arukenimon.

Arukenimon: We need a sacrifice...A single one will do. Arukenimon: So give us just one person... Ho ho ho. Shuuji: Really? Just one?! -------------------------------- Shuuji: Just one...Just one...Who to choose... Shuuji: No, I... I can't.... There's no way I can make that choice...! Shuuji: I know! Me! It should be ME! That would work, right, Arukenimon?! Shuuji: Answer me, Arukenimon! I'll be the sacrifice! Take me! Arukenimon: What admirable spirit...Still, is that what you really want, my dear boy? Arukenimon: You lack courage...and your sense of justice is nothing special. Don't you think? Arukenimon: You're just frightened, and you want to leave this place behind? Arukenimon: You'd rather pass the buck onto someone else. Isn't that true?

Shuuji is a bit of a mess, and his actions here aren't just motivated by wanting to save everyone, he thinks that this is what will get his dad to be proud of him, that he'll finally live up to being a proper Kayama. He thinks about how this story could get him praised by his father, get into a good college, finally live up to their expectations.

But...he doesn't want to die, and not only that, Shuuji is tired.

Shuuji: From the start, I didn't want to do it. I couldn't do it... Shuuji: Why didn't anyone say anything? I can't do it, tell me I can't... Shuuji: If I'd known then...I wouldn't have to do this..

Shuuji is tired of having to constantly chase something he can never have. Tired of always having to be "better".

Shuuji: You (Lopmon) can't even evolve! Maybe you'd be of some use if you could! Shuuji: Yeah! You'd be able to defeat our enemies if you could do that! Shuuji: Enemies...Anyone who looks down on me! You should just erase them all Shuuji: Even my dad...even my brother! Everyone! Lopmon: I...I...! Shuuji: Why, why am I so hopeless...? Is this all I really am?!

He's angry, scared, and completely alone. With no one to turn to, no one to help him, and at his lowest point, he hits Lopmon. Multiple times, over and over again, to force him to evolve, until...

Shuuji: Go on! Hurry up and evolve! We'll show them we're not useless! Lopmon: Stop, Shuuji...It hurts, and I'm scared. I don't like this! Shuuji: I'm the one in pain! I'm the one who's scared! All because you can't evolve! Shuuji: Yeah, everything is your fault! You're the reason they called me useless! Lopmon: GRAAAAAAA! *Lopmon evolves into Wendimon* Shuuji: You did it...I knew you could if you tired! Now show them. Show them I'm not useless!

After this Lopmon defeats MegaSeadramon and then...eats Shuuji. But, it's less being eaten and more absorption.

Agumon: Listen, Takuma! He's crying! Takuma: Crying...? Lopmon/Shuuji: IT HURRRTS...I'M SCAAARED...I DON'T WANNA DO THIIS... Agumon: It's Lopmon! Lopmon's crying! Lopmon/Shuuji: WHAT'S...WRONG WITH ME? WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE...? Takuma: That's...No way. Is that Shuuji's voice?! Lopmon/Shuuji: I DON'T HAVE...ANY RIGHT TO LIVE. I SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR...

It's both Shuuji and Lopmon's voices crying and screaming. Because these emotions are something both of them feel. Because Lopmon is Shuuji and Shuuji is Lopmon. Let's talk about Partners:

Lopmon is cute, unassuming, and harmless. He's adorable. He's shy, trying his best to help everyone out, and constantly trying to please everyone. Lopmon also tends to be a very emotional and gets easily worried, anxious and sacred.

And Shuuji Hates Him. Shuuji gets angry at Lopmon, is frustrated with him over the smallest things, pushes him harder than anyone else in the group and is unsympathetic to Lopmon's struggles. He is disgusted and wishes he had a different partner. Because Lopmon can't actually do anything useful.

Now, something we find out in the chapter right after this is that the A Kemonogami and their partner are connected because they are two halves of a soul. A Kemonogami is a reflection of the human.

Labramon tends to chew out people who Aoi is frustrated with, Kunemon can't talk because Ryo can't easily communicate with people, and Lopmon is trying his best to please everyone because Shuuji is trying his best to please everyone.

So when Shuuji pushes, verbally abusive, and gets angry at Lopmon. He's really, getting angry at himself.

Because, Shuuji Kayama hates himself. Something we find out in the short backstory released by Bandai is that Shuuji Kayama graduated top of his class. And yet his dad still isn't satisfied by that. Shuuji was taught to hate himself, and Lopmon represents all of it.

Evolution plays such a major part in Shuuji's arc, as evolution in general it symbolizes change and personal development. But in this scene it's not positive. Shuuji is forcibly trying to change who he is out of hatred and self-loathing.

Shuuji: Why don't you (Lopmon) change? Shuuji: I see...You're the same.

Shuuji: You're just like I was when my dad chewed me out...and had to abandon me.

Shuuji does not think he as a person has any worth, he wants Lopmon to "evolve" because if Lopmon stops being Lopmon then Shuuji can stop being Shuuji, to be someone other than him, to be someone that has "worth" and ultimately that's what destroys them.

And the group reflects on this, now that they know about Shuuji's feelings:

Aoi: Did Shuuji really think that...? If so, then we... Minoru: We put him into a leadership role due to his age, and made everything his responsibility. Takuma: He was suffering the whole time, and we were the ones who made him suffer!

Again, the cast blames themselves, for not doing enough to help them, for hurting them, for being the ones who made them "suffer". But, Takuma has this scene in the library Post-split:

Illusion Shuuji: Look, our deaths were out own faults. We were weak. We admit that. Illusion Shuuji: But that wasn't the only reason we died. It was also because you abandoned us.

Illusion Ryo: You probably forgot all about it in your struggles to survive. Forgot abandoning us. Illusion Ryo: And after all that talk of everyone going home together. made me sick just hearing it. Illusion Ryo: I guess Shuuji and me were never part of that group, huh? "Everyone" didn't include us. -------------------------------- Takuma: (If I want to apologize, that means i have to become like them? Really?) Takuma: (If that's true...then I-)

Agumon wakes him up before he says anything but it's clear Takuma still blames himself for there deaths.

I'll go into more detail in this when I talk about what happens post split, but Digimon Survive doesn't think that going the other way, giving everything you could to the people around you, is good either. Because yes, he could of done more, yes he could of pulled out all the stops and yes going out of your way to understand Ryo does lead to a better outcome.

But, Takuma dying here because he thought he deserved it Would Not Make The Situation Better. We know what happens if Takuma isn't here because of the Bad " The World Ends" Ending! Takuma is the group's leader, and that he has to move on, to do better.

In contrast to Takuma's guilt and how the illusions ask him to die for them for forgiveness, let's see what happens when Ryo is alive in Chapter 5.

Ryo: You bastard! Shuuujiiiiiii! Takuma: Ryo?! Hold on, we'll all go- Ryo: You freakin' MORON!!! *Ryo Punches Him* Shuuji: Ga-hack! Ryo: You scum! You think you have the right to hurt Lopmon like that?! Shuuji: Wha', what...? What are you...? Ryo: Just look at Lopmon! Ryo: He ran himself ragged just to try and save you, then you start roughing him up... Lopmon: Ungh...*pant* Shuu...ji...*cough* *cough* Shuuji: Oh...oh no... Ryo: He's been working his ass off, an all for you! And this is how you thank him?! Shuuji: All...for me? No, but, but I... Ryo: Yo, this ain't about you, man. Take a good look around you. *camera pans to the rest of the group* Shuuji: Ah... Ryo: We're here too. All of us, your friends...and especially Lopmon. Shuuji: Ah...no...What...What have I been...

Now, as I mentioned at the end of Ryo's part, Ryo is the perfect person to help Shuuji out. Ryo starts off with punching Shuuji which shocks Shuuji out of his breakdown. He then continues telling him how horrible he's been to Lopmon, how hard Lopmon has been working for him, which makes him realize what actually happening, but then Ryo reminds him that, he isn't alone. That everyone is here to support him, and Lopmon especially is here to support him.

Shuuji: ...I'm so, so sorry, Lopmon. I'm the one who's been useless here. Shuuji: I kept seeing myself in you-all the weakness I saw in myself. It was so painful. Shuuji: But you're so much stronger than I've ever been. You came to save me, after everything. Lopmon: Ah...I'm so happy...You praised me, Shuuji... Shuuji: Lopmon...I've wanted to, for so, so long. But that doesn't matter anymore. Shuuji: I want to protect everyone...to save them. I...I want to live up to your expectations!

Instead of before where Lopmon evolves because of Shuuji's rage and self-hatred, Lopmon here evolves because of Shuuji's sense of duty and Shuuji wanting to live up to His own expectations of himself.

After this, Shuuji starts working with the professor after he's revealed to be alive, noticing things the professor didn't notice and helping him interpret the various murals in the Shrine and Shuuji loves working with him and is proud of the work he's been doing with it

Takuma also comments on how Shuuji looks happier and more refreshed when comes back in Chapter 9 and Shuuji responds that now he's just trying his best. Shuuji always wanted what's best for everyone, but now he has room to breathe, because now he's not alone. He's noticeably easier to talk to now, more open and honest about the difficulties he's facing, now it really does feel like your working with him.

And the most important, Shuuji resolves to talk to his dad, to talk to his family, to tell them how he's been feeling, to stand up for himself. He's gained the confidence, the strength, and the self-worth, to do so. Like Ryo, he's given the chance to get better. To grow, To own up to his actions, and eventually, forgive himself.

Ending Notes: So as I mentioned on the top, originally I was going to go to the branching routes here but as you can also tell this thing is long. So this is being split up two THREE parts. One covering the game pre-split the one covering Harmony/Wrathful/Moral and one covering Truthful.

I would like to thank Digisurvive's meta about extreme collectivism as horror and how that connects to Survive and abelunwinning's Shuuji Kayama's meta for both being fantastic and also giving me the ability to finish this damn thing (specifically the end and Shuuji's good evolution/Ryo punching him scene gave me trouble) go read them there great. I gained more appreciation for both Takuma and Ryo because of this, I loved them beforehand but I love them EVEN MORE NOW! Survive week is created by: @surviveweek

#digimon #digimon survive #digimon survive spoilers #digimon survive week #survive week #shuuji kayama #ryo tominaga #meta

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maxattax · 8 months

Text

Occultism

Ectoberhaunt Day 10: Occultism

CW: Major character already dead

Summary: After Maddie's death, the Fentons hold a séance to contact her.

Jack Fenton was devastated by the untimely death of his wife. She went quickly and painlessly in her sleep, they said. Nothing he could have done. But Jack, a professional medium and exorcist, couldn’t accept the idea of never again speaking to the love of his life. He knew he had to contact her.

Jack sat at the kitchen table, one candle on either side of him and a ouija board in the middle. Across the table sat his kids, Danny and Jazz. Ouija boards were best used by multiple people, of course.

Jazz lit a bundle of sage and let the smoke waft through the room. “I protect this room from spirits who wish us harm,” she said, smoothly and practiced.

Danny lit the candles. “I light these candles to guide a lost soul to the flame.” Jack was proud that his kids so easily picked up their late mother’s role in the séance.

Everybody joined hands. Jack spoke loudly and clearly. “We invite the spirit of Madeline Fenton to speak with us today.” Each of them placed two fingers on the planchette. “Is there a spirit with us?” The planchette moved to Yes.

Before Maddie died, she and Jack had discussed what to do in the event of either of their deaths. In addition to the normal discussions, such as what to put in their wills, they came up with a passcode so that they could prove their identity during a séance. Her death was unexpected, but they were prepared.

“Maddie. If that is really you, what did we want to name our first dog, had we gotten one?” The planchette drifted across the board, frictionless beneath their fingers. B-U-S-T-E-R.

“Mads.” Jack’s voice broke. “Are you happy on the other side?” The planchette moved to Yes, but continued to the letters. M-I-S-S-Y-O-U. Jazz had tears streaming down her face, and Danny’s eyes watered. Jack had to stay strong for his family.

Danny spoke up. “Is there anything you want to tell us?” T-E-A-C-H-Y-O-U. It paused. M-A-N-Y-D-I-S-C-O-V-E-R-I-E-S.

Jack was overjoyed. Maddie wanted to continue their research on the paranormal from beyond the veil. He would still get to talk to her about their life’s work. “In that case, let us move to something a little easier to communicate with. Thank you for speaking with us.” The planchette moved. T-Y-I-L-Y.

“We love you too Mom,” Jazz said, voice cracking, a smile on her face.

Danny and Jazz were a bit more composed by the time Jack got the recording equipment set up. They’ve been so sad since their mother passed; Jack was glad they were able to make contact.

“Dad,” Danny said after several minutes of silence. “Why Buster?”

“Well, Ghostbusters had just come out. It’s not exactly accurate, but it’s a movie about ghosts! We loved it. Unfortunately we weren’t able to get a dog, living on campus, but if we were, we would have named it Buster.”

Danny shrugged. “Fair. It’s a good movie.”

Jack smiled. He connected the microphone to the laptop.

“Why didn’t we say goodbye when we finished with the board?” Jazz asked.

“Well, she wanted to stay and talk, so we don’t want her to leave yet. We’re all set. I’ll start recording.” He reached over and pressed Record.

“If there is a spirit with us, please identify yourself. If you are Maddie, please repeat our passcode.” He paused for a minute, allowing her time to respond. He continued on in this manner, asking questions about the afterlife. “What is it like?” “Are you confined to the house?” “Can you see other ghosts?” Danny and Jazz contributed their share of questions as well.

When they finished recording, Jack dismissed the spirit and pressed Play. There was not a dry eye in the room when the three Fentons heard Maddie’s voice, crackly but recognizable. She answered all of their questions, and then some.

Jack may have lost his wife, but at least he did not lose his research partner. Knowing that she was only a ouija board away lent comfort to Jack and his family in this difficult time.

#danny phantom #ectoberhaunt23 #eh magic #day 10 #occultism #my writing #i'm dedicating this one to my mom #who loved science but also definitely believed in ghosts #and taught me how to do EVP recordings when i was a kid

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quietly-by-myself · 1 year

Text

An Earthly Cosmological Redshift - Chapter 2 - Fool's Love

March Trope A Thon Masterlist | Story Masterlist

Day 7 - Catharsis + Reassurances

@amonthofwhump

CW: cancer, terminal illness, vampire-human relationship, implied consensual past spice (very brief), discussions of violence and deconditioning, talk of religion/the afterlife, death and a lot of talk about death, recovery whump

===

Jules knew there was something wrong with the vampire he found himself spending so much time around. Something was on his mind. If Jules were wiser, he might’ve known what it was. However, he wasn’t any wiser. That was why he spent most of his nights with a vampire in the first place.

That relative lack of wisdom helped him, sometimes.

“Fearon?”

Those melancholy purple eyes flickered up to him from where Fearon laid in the bed with Jules.

“What is it, Jules?”

Was he still called Jules back then? Jules didn’t remember, but perhaps, if he did know, he would’ve been worse off. After all, a vampire should never know the name they were born into.

“Something’s on your mind.”

Fearon sighed. Jules, if he had even a lick of common sense, should’ve flinched away from the undead monster laying shirtless beside him. Luckily, common sense wasn’t all that common.

“I’m worried about you.”

Jules looked at him with surprise. He’d learned over his time with Fearon that vampires felt a lot more than humans made them out to.

Yet, some part of him thought that Fearon used him. Some part of him was okay with that too. After all, he’d been used his entire life. At least he got to choose who, right?

“Is it my diagnosis?”

Fearon nodded. “You’re the only person I trust. The only person, vampire or human. I’m worried about losing you.”

“I…” What was Jules supposed to say to that? To the fact that his own body had turned against him and made a monster that would eventually kill him? “I’m worried about losing me, too.”

He heard Fearon swallow. It was a sound that Jules only ever really heard when Fearon used to feed from him.

Before cancer. Before Jules knew he was going to die - die very, very soon at that.

“I love you, Jules.”

Now that, that took Jules completely aback. Jules was a homosexual and he knew that Fearon was too, but he thought that their relationship was superficial, never in terms of love.

The truth was that Jules was afraid of unrequited love. He never thought it possible for a vampire to love him, to love anyone. Much less one with a history like Fearon’s. Jules was a fool for loving Fearon.

“I love you too, Fearon.”

They stayed in silence for a while.

“I don’t want to lose you, Jules.” Fearon looked away, off to the side. “You’re the only one I feel like a good person around. You’re the only one who can look past the shit I did with Galileo and see that I really do want to change, I just don’t know how.”

Jules reached out a thin arm to touch Fearon. “You’re still grieving, aren’t you?”

“They were my family, as fucked up as they were.”

Jules thought for a moment about it all, how Fearon would have to grieve again soon. This time, it would be he who Fearon was grieving. The thought was unbearable. The thought of dying terrified Jules.

“You’re not a bad person, Fearon. You were raised a certain way for hundreds of years. Do you blame a puppy raised to fight for fighting as a dog?”

Fearon shook his head. “But dogs just do as they’re told.”

“And so do fledglings, Fearon. Yes, you had a human life before, but you’re brought into this whole new world, this whole new society, and have to be raised into it. You were raised into it by a violent vampire. It only makes sense that you, too, committed violent acts.”

“I don’t regret all of them. Just a few.”

To that, Jules didn’t really know what to answer. “Violence can be unlearned. It can’t undo what you did, but you can grow and move on from it.”

Fearon went quiet for a while, then moved to hug Jules. “I’m sorry, Jules. I’m saying all this to you when you’re hardly living yourself.”

Jules leaned into Fearon’s gentle touch. Quietly, Fearon began to card his hand through Jules’ hair.

“I’m sure it’s been building up in you for a long time.”

“For about fifty years, yes,” Fearon said with a chuckle.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Careful, I’m still a vampire.”

They both laughed for a while. When the moment faded and the world turned back into the silence of the night, Jules found tears in his eyes. What came for him, after death? What would that be like, being dead? Would it be nothing? Would he go to heaven?

He was never much of a Catholic, but now that he was facing death, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to believe that nothing would happen to him after he died.

Fearon gently swiped Jules’ tears away. “I know you’re scared.”

“Scared feels like an understatement.”

“I remember the moment I died very well. I didn’t want to become a vampire.” Fearon pulled Jules closer. “The thought of you having to feel that pain… it worries me. You’re such a gentle soul. You’re such a good person. You don’t deserve this.”

Jules threw his arms around Fearon and pulled him close. He soon broke down into sobs. “I’m so scared. I don’t want to die. I feel like I’ve hardly lived at all.”

Fearon went quiet. He knew the look on Fearon’s face. He was thinking. Deeply.

“I could turn you.”

Jules’ blood ran cold and he pushed Fearon away. He stopped sobbing, his heart pounding in his chest. “You said you’d never turn a human!”

Fearon looked at Jules in shock. It took the vampire a moment to collect himself. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“No- no, no. It’s that- I don’t want you to betray your morals and your own sensibilities for me. I know how much you hate the idea of creating more vampires, more violence, and potentially dragging me into that for eternity.”

Tears soon reformed in his eyes as he remembered that this was Fearon and Fearon wouldn’t do anything without his expressed permission. “My life hasn’t been good, but at least I got to meet you before I pass.”

Fearon smiled faintly. “See, Jules, now that I’ve loved, I don’t want to know what it is to lose. You risked your life to see a vampire. It’s selfish of me, I know, but I want you for all eternity. I can’t imagine losing you know, just when I get to know what love is.”

Jules chuckled, despite how scared he was of the idea of becoming a vampire. What would blood taste like?

Of course, it wasn’t really much of a decision. He loved Fearon. Love made fools and Jules was certainly a fool. Though, Fearon was probably a fool too, for loving a human. It was a forbidden type of relationship, but it was theirs.

“Is that your way of proposing to me?”

Fearon smirked. “I’m not sure I respect the Church enough to get married.”

They both broke down laughing, Jules between sobs.

“It’ll be okay, Jules. You’ll get to live. You’ll get to live on and on and on.”

Jules, despite his tears, found the strength to smile. “Just promise me this, Fearon: let me eat my favorite meals again before I die.”

“On my dollar, not yours, I hope.”

“Willing to fund my expensive taste, are you?”

“I don’t think a bartender at a speakeasy could fund it himself.”

Jules laughed, feeling that heaviness of pent-up stress release.

Fearon always knew how to make him feel better.

===

Tags: @i-can-even-burn-salad, @whumpsday, @pigeonwhumps, @oddsconvert, @sparrowsage

#cancer #terminal illness #vampire-human relationship #whump #whump writing #religious talk #whump fic #whumpblr #whump community #discussion of violence #an earthly cosmological redshift #jules oc #fearon oc #recovery whump #amow tropeathon 2023 #angst #catharsis #reassurances

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eternal-armin · 2 years

Text

don't fear the reaper.

just like alcohol, weed made you pretty honest. that included the thing that terrified you the most; death. reader: neutral. cw: discussions about death, thanatophobia (fear of death), anxiety. it's a bit shorter than usual. i didn't want to risk digging for an unsatisfying conclusion.

while smoking weed with eddie, you, expectedly, had no filter. not for the good things, not for the bad things, not for the dirty things. a lot of funny moments had come from that fact.

(don't fear) the reaper was playing over the speakers at a volume that normally would've given you a headache. right now, though, it was just nice for all your thoughts to be swished away by the soft rock. eddie was sitting back against the foot of his bed, elbows resting on his knees, legs crossed. you were laying on your back on the ground, unafraid to put the joint to your lips without turning or raising your head. and somehow, through your perfectly hazy mind, thoughts were forming.

"you ever wonder who was right?" you ask, finding an equilibrium for your arm to rest at, elbow on the ground.

eddie had no clue what you said, promptly turning down the music. just a bit. "what?"

"y'know. who was right. about, like—like the, the... afterlife. thing." as gently sluggish as your words were, they had a certain speed to them. your eyes, already both reddened and glazed over, held a certain hollow ponderance to them. thinking about death was sobering even when you were high as a kite.

"what kind of afterlives are there?" eddie asked, taking the joint from your hand for a hit of his own.

"well... heaven and hell and purgatory, that's one of 'em. reincarnation too. resurrection., you counted off on your fingers. "there—there's some, some branches of all of those." you rubbed your eyes rather lazily. "the most compelling is that, like, y'know, there's nothing."

eddie peered at you for a second. "nothing?"

"yeah, man." finally you rose to sit up, slumping forward, far too deep in this wormhole of thought to care about your pawn posture. "'cause on, fuckin'—on one hand, the universe is wayyy too big and complicated for there to not be an afterlife, right? but on the other hand, it's a universe that can be, like, like—me- measured and understood and shit. we know so much about it but right now there are no guarantees about the afterlife." the way you spoke, eddie could tell—even in his own very high state—that you had been thinking about this a lot. you talked about it like a fan talking about their hyperfixation. "and we—we can't even comprehend 'nothing'! that's—th-that's weird. we always picture a black void but that's... that's still something. still something.

"i gotta be honest, for the past, uhm, few months, my nightly... ni—nightly routine has been, uh, to lay awake scared to die. for at least, like, three hours. and then go to sleep and have these weird-ass fuckin' dreams." you broke into a smile, and then a laugh. "i'm terrified of it, man! i thought i was over my fear of death, y'know, because... i've faced it more than once, oooh, right? yeah. but i'm not over it apparently. maybe it's 'cause my friends are dying."

you maintained your smile and nearly laughed through your words. but your eyes retained their fear. really, fear was an understatement.

so that's why you had seemed so preoccupied over the past few months.

"the only thing that's, like, ever calmed me down was this... article, i saw, a few days ago. it—i-it said, uhm, something along the lines of, uh, 'quantum... something proves consciousness moves to another universe after death.'" you began wringing your hands, jumping when you accidentally cracked your knuckles. you mumbled a 'jesus christ, i can't believe i did that again.' "i don't even know if it's real. i'm too scared to look into it. but that's the only thing that's gotten me able to sleep. so—so, so..." you trailed off, your voice trembling with the beginnings of sobs. "i'm scared. i-i know, i'm still young, so obviously i don't feel like i'm... ready to be d—to be dead n' with the world. but i could always die right now. there is nothing stopping me from dying young."

eddie watched you delicately rub away the tears tracing lines down your cheeks before laying back down, thumping against the floor like a puppet without its puppeteer. sure, you hadn't always been 100% happy, but neither had you ever been so open about being this deeply shaken. you spoke like the topic matter was light, nothing to be concerned about, when it was quite the opposite.

"[y/n], i... i have no clue who's, uh, 'right.' all i know is that this is the life i'm living right now. so i better live it like i want to. y'know?" he reached out and grabbed your hand. you intertwined your fingers with his, and perhaps your grip was a little bit tighter than you thought it was, but eddie didn't really mind. he gently ran his thumb over your fingers, a gesture that always calmed you down. "i totally get being scared to die. and scared to die young, especially considering everything that's going on in this fucked-up world right now. shit is bad. i am not sugarcoating things, i know you're strong. which brings me to my second point;" he paused, seeing your eyes flick to meet his.

"you are a fucking beast, dude!" both of you cracked up. it was a pleasant harmony. "at least take comfort in the fact that you've saved the world. multiple times, multiple times! you are the most metal person i've ever met, and, like, i'm me. that is high praise, dude!" your laugh was so lighthearted and honey-sweet. your eyes had smile lines, your cheeks had dimples, from smiling so brightly. it seemed impossible that someone as sweet and happy as you was so scared deep down, and so hesitant to talk about it.

if you weren't happy, the group would fracture. if the optimist suddenly couldn't see the glass as half full, the world would seem a lot more scary. but, at the very least, not all of your joy was falsified.

"you'll be remembered, rockstar. you'll always be remembered." and then, he broke out the dungeon master voice. "though your body may leave this cursed mortal coil, forever will your soul rest in the hearts of those you saved, and those with whom you fought." that voice always kept you giggling. and that was just amplified by the mary jane. "whatever happens after we die is irrelevant, we all face it at some point. so just live your life in a way that you won't regret it! whether i'm your soulmate in the next life or we see the nothing-void for all eternity, it doesn't matter, bro. do you like your life?"

"aside from, uhm, the realization of hell?"

"aside from the realization of hell, do you like your life."

"hell yeah, dude. i mean, like, i have you, number one. number two, hellfire. number three... food." you broke out in laughter again. "and, like, you're tied for the rest."

"aww, you're so sweet, i could just eat you up." eddie leaned down above you, dotting kisses across your face. your laughter was absolutely adorable, and he just refused to let you kiss him back. "don't even think about it, cutie, i'm not lettin' you do that. you can kiss me all you want later but right now i'm gonna kiss you until your lips are red. just to remind you why i'm 1-10 on your leaderboard." all your hazy mind could think of were the fun times you'd shared while high. how they all started out like this, and how you enjoyed every single one. but this was much more affectionate and wholesome, not hard and needy. you weren't official and may never be, but it made you feel like pure light to know that he just wanted to make you feel better.

#stranger things 4 #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #stranger things eddie #stranger things #stranger things x y/n #stranger things x gn reader #stranger things x male reader #stranger things x you #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanfic #eddie x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x male reader

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foxymoxynoona · 2 years

Note

DRABBLES

I want many but I'll throw some out there for you to choose

Amended JK with his newborn baby, getting to experience being a baby dad for the first time.

Penguin!Koo and Rana...possibly having a bub? 🥺 I just know Jungkook would be a fretful mess and Rana cool as beans (though imagine the role reversal)

And new potential drabbles -

Spaceship captain reader x alien Hoseok + soulmates = 'I question fates decision sometimes, you know?'

Fae Lord Jimin x human reader = 'you will not touch her'

God of death Taehyung x Goddess of memories reader = 'because death is eternal'

Ok, I'm going to wind up writing a few of these but I'll keep linking back to this post so you get credit for your ideas 😉 But the first one is ready!

TITLE: Regretful Eternal & Yours Characters: God of Death Taehyung x Goddess of Memories Reader + 'becaues death is eternal' Word count: 4990 CW: general discussions of death, afterlife, sad regrets, memories of sex, some language

“Taehyung!”

The God of death closed his eyes and let out a deep, weary sigh as his name echoed in that voice down the corridor. He hazarded a glance at his collection of KAWS stuffies lined up on the back shelf of his office. He’d been told the familiar cartoon characters with Xs for eyes were “macabre,” “weird,” and “juvenile.” Maybe the last god of death relished being a soulless dark villain but Taehyung liked having some personality, thanks. He’d been doing this for hundreds of years now since the last guy vacated. He wanted his office space to reflect that he still had some of his personality left; go ahead, crucify him for it. The stuffies were not going to help him with the obvious storm headed his way.

“Taehyung,” that voice snapped once again, now standing annoyingly in his doorway. Hard to believe he’d once orgasmed to the sound of that voice saying his name, though decidedly less sharp and more moany than the way you said it now.

“Yes, my darling?” he drawled, turning slowly to face you.

“Fuck off with ‘darling,’ I’m not your scribe dropping pens in front of you for attention,” you scoffed, rolling right into, “Four. Four souls were signed off by you in the past mortal hour as headed for the rebirth loop without my approval. You can’t just forget my signature–”

“It’s a very easy signature to forge,” he snickered, recalling the way he used to sign your name. With his tongue. On a very intimate part of your body.

Not that he wanted to remember that or anything, but it was better than remembering anything else.

Rage left you stuttering incoherently for a moment –he could remember other times he made you do that, if he cared to– before you shouted, “Well it’s not your job! And if you don’t cut that shit out–”

“You’ll what? Go above my head?” He grinned. “I’m the god of death, darling, there is no above me.” You’d once told him how classy and romantic it was for him to call you that.

He still knew precisely how to push your buttons. His ego about his title, slightly higher than yours as the Goddess of Memories, had always been a splinter in both your professional and private relationship. Blind fury welled up inside you that he’d resort to such a taunt, but you channeled that into the one place you could get him: bureaucracy.

Because it actually was a problem if he was sending anyone for rebirth for whom memories still lingered in the world. It was your job to make sure that didn’t happen. One baby born who looked oddly like someone else could be chalked up to “strong genes” or “uncanny coincidence” but if it happened too much, you wound up with people asking too many questions, and then the system could break down completely, there’d be mass panic, the Fates would fire you all and your own immortal souls would be disintegrated into nothing. The world could only handle so many accidents, really only one major and obvious reborn soul, and that spot belonged to Keanu Reeves –all because Taehyung had lost a bet to Charlemagne centuries ago, the idiot.

No, you would not specify which one was the idiot.

Ok, fine, it was both.

“Don’t make me go to the Fates,” you countered, because while they might be sideways in heirarchy, they were in fact the only ones who could pluck the strings to fix the mistake that was either Taehyung’s existence or promotion.

Taehyung rolled his eyes but lacked a witty comeback.

It left you space to notice the tablet propped on his desk with the signature screen open.

“Oh my Titans are you fucking doing it right now?!” you cried, diving forward at the same moment he did. He grabbed for the tablet but he’d pushed back too far in his chair when he wanted you to notice his manspreading and hopefully trigger a memory of his dick (it did not) and his fingers barely brushed the device as you pulled it away. Sure enough, a quick scroll higher showed it was the sign-off for another rebirth, one neither reviewed nor approved by you. “These have to go through my department! You can’t just rebirth everyone! What the fuck is your problem?”

He knew his eyeroll would infuriate you as he insisted, “I was just about to forward this one over to you.”

“Like fuck you were.” You ignored his insistence and opened the file up onto his wall screen. You crossed your arms and watched the life moments play before you, realizing quickly that these were the highlights and lowlights of an old man’s life as marked by Taehyung’s team as “life defining.”

“You nitwit,” you scoffed, “You’re looking at the highlights and lowlights to determine eligibility?”

“Don’t doubt the skills of my team–”

“I’m sure they’re great at your job, but they can’t do mine. Get out of the chair.”

“No. You can sit,” he said, leaning back and motioning to his lap.

“It’s been two hundred years, give it up already.”

His face slid into a scowl, “Give what up? My chair? Not on your life.”

“I don’t have a life. All I do is work,” you scoffed, quickly masking the personal complaint with the addition, “Because somebody’s been fucking it up and making more work for me.” You waited. You gestured for the chair.

With a sigh, he slapped a button on his desk and demanded another chair, “make sure it’s smaller than mine.” A moment later his assistant sprinted in, pushing it along. They settled it by Taehyung, bowed, and then fled.

“What happened to Tiff?” you asked, referring to Taehyung’s previous assistant who’d definitely been trying to seduce him and, you suspected, probably succeeded.

“Fired her. Used too much teeth,” he shrugged. You didn’t even get a word shouted before he snickered, “I’m kidding. I don’t fuck subordinates. She quit. Said it was too depressing down here.”

“Oh.”

Yeah, that seemed to happen a lot. You worked in two of the most depressing departments of the entire Underworld, after all. Staff turnover was high. That was a thing Taehyung had enjoyed about your relationship, that you got it, both the stresses of the job, the loneliness, but also the joy of a well-managed passage at the end of a mortal life, the beauty of rebirth or release, the two of you waxing poetic about eternal cycles–

Not that he was interested in remembering that. He grinned, recalling instead the way your nails had traced red shapes into the skin of his back as he split you open–

“Stop that,” you huffed.

“What? Something bothering you?” he smirked, knowing full well that as the Goddess of Memories, your access to any memory recalled –especially right in front of your face– was yours to witness. Not always with your permission. Taehyung in particular had always been very good at getting under your skin and into your mind. Which led to some pretty mind blowing orgasms but also–

He snickered under his breath, like he knew he made you think of something good. He snickered like he didn’t understand the pain that came in the end. You don’t think he ever did understand that. God of Death and all that. No sentimentality about The End. Just a fact of eternity.

Despite your annoying thoughts, you were typing, searching, scrolling the whole time, peeking into interactions that jump out at you here, scouring school days and dates and days both good and bad at work. The man’s life had largely been one tragedy after another strung together by mundanity, but not the kind of tragedies that left a lasting impression on anyone except the one enduring them. No remarkable news coverage that sparked an author. No car crashes that changed someone’s outlook on the fragility of life. No major work accomplishes that inspired his colleagues. He’d been laid off and wound up in a retail job where he remained just mediocre enough to not get fired. When he retired, no one noticed.

“See?” Taehyung said, gesturing to the screen. “There’s nothing. He died without leaving a mark on the world in any way. Literally no one remembers him. He didn’t even have a nurse at the end who–”

You shake your head, “You don’t know anything about memory. You just know…”

“What?”

“Sex and death,” you say, brushing him away with a flick of your hand. “The impressions we leave aren’t always obvious. A face can linger in someone’s mind for the most innocuous reason–”

“But it has to reach a certain threshold to disqualify them from rebirth–”

“I know the rules, Taehyung. I’m good at my job.”

“I know you are,” he grumbled. You ignore the almost compliment and continue to dig. You start to look in the corners of the deceased man’s life, at the people who bought things from him off Craigslist, at any stores he went to frequently enough to become a familiar face. He donated to the Humane Society regularly, but only money, not time. His primary care doctor had died a few years before and he’d bounced around since then. He bought his prescriptions off the internet. He lived in an apartment but paid his rent by check and his landlord couldn’t recall the old man’s face, just was angry when he discovered the man dead after he was late on rent because there’d been no loved one to haul away the old man’s things which delayed his ability to clean and relist the apartment.

“Give up?” Taehyung asked. “There’s nothing.”

“There’s always something, at least something that delays– you can’t just send people to rebirth directly–”

“There isn’t always something and you know that as well as I do,” Taehyung argued. You hated that he, too, was awfully good at his job. Which made these forged signatures even more infuriating because it wasn’t like him at all! Usually he respected the system, considering he’d help build it!

Was he seeing someone again and it had him distracted? He was rushing through work to go see them? That made sense, it had been a long time, so far as you knew, and when Taehyung went into something, he went all the way in…

You looked and looked for something that wasn’t there as Taehyung grew increasingly frustrated before he finally reached forward and tapped the screen to bring up the signature form again, the waiver for you to officially sign that would release this man’s soul back into the queue for rebirth. How long it might wait there was the call of another department based on your needs and the priorities of other gods and departments.

“There’s nothing,” he said to you, but quieter this time. While he loved to tease and antagonize, his goal wasn’t actual embarrassment; he could read you like a book, annoyingly fluent, and predict you’d be frustrated not to “win” with this man.

You let out a deep sigh and conceded only, “This doesn’t happen as much these days.”

“Hm.”

“Fewer tenant farmers crawling off to die alone in their huts and get eaten by wildlife,” you mused. “Fewer towns wiped out by invaders down to the last child. The internet has changed things, people have the chance to make meaningful connections even beyond their daily circle–”

“Yeah but anonymously,” Taehyung countered. Skatá, he missed having these deep arguments with you. “Real name and real face: memories have to include those to send you to the after–”

“Do not preach at me about the rules! You of all people!” you shouted, pushing back from the desk in a huff. Then, because you’d been thinking about it lately, you insisted, “We ought to change the criteria. Memory… souls should be able to live on in memory for more than a face or a name. There are so many other ways to leave your mark on the world. There are so many other meaningful moments and connections–”

“If those moments were meaningful enough to allow someone to recognize your soul, they’d be remembered. The rules don’t need to change–”

You rose from your chair, demanding, “So people should be condemned to the repetition, to going back to that damned plane of mortal existence over and over again until they can pull of some connection in that lonely and quick-to-forget world that convinces us they’ve done enough to earn their eternity?”

“It’s not a punishment! It’s just… another chance.”

“Don’t you think it feels like a punishment? Can you really imagine having to do it all over again and again–”

“They don’t remember,” he insisted.

“Exactly. It’s hell. It’s inhumane–”

“Forgetting can be a mercy,” he countered.

For a moment you were both silent. You didn’t want to understand what he meant. You didn’t want to assume it was about you, even though you, too, could read him like a book.

He cleared his throat and shifted in his chair, gesturing as he added, “Besides what’s the record for repetitions, twenty? That’s not so bad.” He’d always admired your deep love for the people, your ‘bleeding heart’ for the mortals, so to speak. It was a thing you had understood in him and he in you, that you could deal with this final moment in their lives, one mortals couldn’t decide on as blessed or tragic but often caused pain and suffering to those who lingered either way, and recognize the importance of your work and also recognize how unknown it was to the both of you.

“Isn’t that worse? They have to start all over, nothing to guide them better this time, no comfort that if this one doesn’t work out, they’ll get another chance, no warning that eventually they won’t. No hint that all they need to do is connect or leave something behind and they’ll be free of their mortal shackles– I mean look at all the stories they invent trying to make sense of it all!”

“It’s funny,” Taehyung grinned. Trying to be funny, because he’d slipped thinking fondly about your passion and devotion to your work and hadn’t resumed thinking instead about your tits quickly enough. There. Now he was smiling, thinking about them. “Look if you have a proposed update to the criteria, I’m happy to read it.”

“Magnanimous of you.”

He wanted to lure you back to talking about the impact of human technology on mortal connection but a sudden glint in your eye had you pull yourself back into the keyboard.

“I’m an idiot,” you murmured, pulling open a separate database.

Taehyung’s brow furrowed as he leaned closer to see what had suddenly captured your enthusiasm.

“Ah…” he sighed as you trawled the ‘Regrets’ database. He had done a cursory search for any regrets of the man’s… but he had not done a search for any regrets about the man.

“This should be a part of every review –and it is if these files come to my office first,” you mumbled. Yes, you were aware he was leaning in a way where he could watch your face instead of the screen. Just like you were aware he kept remembering things completely inappropriate for the workplace. “Also please get laid so you don’t short-circuit every time I’m in the room.”

“What, you think you’re special?”

“Apparently the scent of my shampoo is. Or is it my perfume? You seem uncertain.”

He snorted derisively and looked to the screen at your sudden cry of victory. There, on the screen, an elderly woman who had pined for the man when he was young but never told him. He had died unaware, but she’d carried that longing for him in her heart until it had morphed and solidified into a solid, life-long what if? She’d married and pursued a successful career in novel writing, still published something every few years to this day. Her first novel had recently been reprinted, including its dedication in the beginning:

To my first love and the last time I let fear hold me back. Thank you for inspiring me to always think of what could be and to take the leap for the things I want. And thank you for that piece of bubblegum when I skinned my knee in fourth grade. You were a swell chap, Glenn.

“Ha!” you crowed, pushing up from the chair for the last time. “That’s enough! That book is in print right now with that dedication.”

“It could be any Glenn–”

“But it’s not,” you insisted. “Pull up her file, her memories of him are still there, she’s still living, and she’s no doubt told others the story if she even kept the initial dedication to him. Rebirth denied, eternal freedom granted.” You crossed your arms, gave Taehyung a smug grin, and sank back into the chair to watch and make sure he correctly marked the file. Yes, it was barely passable, you knew that. Yes, he could probably overrule you if he wanted. The woman was likely he only one to remember the man enough and she’d be dead within a decade too; his soul could easily wait that long in the queue and then be rebirthed without any issue. But for right now he had technically passed.

It meant something to you that Taehyung let you have this.

“Yeah but…”

“But what?” you pressed.

“But isn’t it just kind of… sad? He doesn’t even know he still mattered to that woman,” he said. His movements slowed as he dragged the tablet closer and backed out to the correct form. “He died not knowing she felt anything about him at all, or that he had any impact on anyone. Is that really the spirit of success here?”

You fell silent. Taehyung had written those rules; or some of them, the newer ones, since he’d taken over so long ago.

“I just mean,” he continued, “is this the worse punishment? We send him on to eternal freedom, he can see the homage that gave him that release, and in death, this is all he has to show for it. So now he has a regret that he didn’t know this, and maybe his life could have been completely different if he’d known.”

Carefully, you pointed out, “It doesn’t mean it would have been. And you forget how lonely and despairing so many people are. This might be comforting. It’s not like he didn’t know he had no one and nothing at the end. He had the birds he watched from his window and a few TV shows he kept up on. Nothing in his memories indicates he wants to try again.”

“Because you wouldn’t.”

“Of course not! That world seems damned terrible for most of the people in it! Look how hard some people have to fight just to exist, much less make friends and pursue their passions and make any big mark on the world. Their life systems are focused on all the wrong things. They’re so busy telling everyone how to live and what they’re allowed to do and caging it all in with money–”

“Yeah Capitalism was really a victory for the Act of God and Karma department, huh? It always feels like those fuckers went overboard but then you see what the mortals do to each other and...”

“It’s fucked up,” you agreed.

“You and I, we really have the best departments,” he suggested.

“We… do,” you agreed slowly, because there was camaraderie behind the way he said it and you didn’t know why the sudden shift in mood.

“But sometimes… sometimes the act of The End is what makes you realize that you do want another chance. How many final moments have we seen where people begged for it? How many times are those final moments focused on regret? Sometimes people want another chance!”

You blinked at him. You, like so many times before, pretended not to see the memories slipping through the sieve of his mind without either his or your permission –evenings spent in bed yes but also mornings waking up in each others arms; holidays basking in the sun on the beaches of Naxos; arguing over a dinner you made and he would clean up because you had talents that complimented each other; a reason to stop working so damn much, even just to canoodle in his office when something so tragic came across one of your desks that you needed a physical reminder that you were safe, that he was safe, that you had in each other love and support and acceptance. How blessed it had been for you, known to cry at work as you sorted through memories or the absence of them, to find that Taehyung could soothe your heart, but also that he too felt the sorrows that came with the job. You were not alone.

But you ignored those memories, and those thoughts in yourself, because you knew a memory wasn’t a choice. A memory happened. It’s why they were the pure system by which eternal death or rebirth hinged on, because a memory didn’t equal a truth, but it was the fabric of that ephemeral thing, the soul. Your soul consisted of your own memories, of as many lives as you led, which you were free to parse and peruse in the freedom of eternal death, but only once your soul left some piece of itself on earth, in the souls of others. An unearthly form of reproduction, you could say. And you, the two of you, managed the process to keep those frail humans from losing their minds because four identical people were running around, a single fragmented soul now going to confuse and terrorize other souls also afraid of fragmenting, afraid of being incomplete or unwhole. Humans were obsessed with being whole and ‘normal’ and all sorts of boring things, when really they should be concerned with challenge, passion, enthusiasm, and joy.

At least that’s what you’d written in your Masters thesis that had landed you this title. It had gotten you laughed out of a few offices but Taehyung had poured over it multiple times as his fingers lazily roamed your bodies, asking questions as he fed you grapes dipped in honey, moaned about how he loved your mind as he made love to your body–

Memories were not choices, they just were. Taehyung, like this novel writer, was not driven to act by the presence of any of those memories, other than being a cocky asshole about the raunchy ones. That was itself a choice, and it told you everything you needed to know in a clear way, unlike this veiled could-be metaphor.

“Well you’re the God of Death,” you pointed out. “If you think there’s a flaw in the system, you fix it. I don’t know, add a clause that if the person dies with regrets– no, we did that–”

“Yeah, we did that,” Taehyung said. “People are still freaked out about ghosts even though there haven’t been any new ones since I took over and ended that one. Freaky as shit! You think rebirth is bad…”

“Well add the clause. You’re good at dragging things out,” you snorted. You hadn’t meant it to be mean, not really, but it was clear from his face he took it as such. Quickly you added, “I just meant because death is eternal. You’re the god of… The End. The fork in the road.”

“And you’re the goddess of what, holding on until you get distracted by something else and forget?”

“Hey now,” you glared.

“The goddess of letting your feelings alter what you think actually happened.”

“Taehyung!”

“Confirmation bias.”

“Stop that,” you scoffed. You grabbed his hand and pressed his finger to the thumb scan, approving Glenn’s lonely soul for the relief of eternal death, a place where finally his soul could choose for itself when to wake, when to slumber, when to dream, or when to be no more, as a rock or a star or a blade of grass or Nothing.

“There. Now we’re done, ye God of Ego.”

“Ego,” he repeated. “Ego?”

“Well why else are you skipping me and sending these souls back to try again? Admit it, you don’t want to admit that I can see the things you miss about people. You only look at the highs and the lows and you miss the significance, the importance of all those moments in between–”

“I do not–”

“You got so busy you thought a weekly fuck and a nice dinner on our anniversary was enough,” you continued without entirely meaning to. “Do you know why humans remember the things that go wrong on vacation more than the things that go well? Because manufactured connections are false. Picture perfect is a lie. The memories are smooth and they slip away. They aren’t real. Just like we apparently weren’t–”

“Oh don’t give me that bullshit. We were plenty real until you got distracted by Neptune and his glow up. He just got bigger because of global warming, Y/N! He’s still the same Poseidon who cums salt and has crabs skittering through his hair–”

“Gods, you are so jealous! Nothing happened with me and Namjoo– I mean Neptune–”

“Oh, he told you to call him Namjoon, huh?” Taehyung gave his chair a hard shove towards the desk and stomped away.

“Nothing happened. That’s not why we ended.”

“Yeah, you’d remember,” he scoffed.

“You remember too,” you insisted. “I see it in your memories.”

He glared and stormed closer, “No, you don’t, because I don’t think about it because it’s not important.”

“Ouch.” You recoiled.

But his face took on a desperate look as he pleaded, “It’s not important because the fact we ended was the worst part of our relationship. Being with you– the good things were so much more important to me. Are so much more important to me. That’s what I’m saying. You were right about Glenn but I think you were wrong about us.”

“So…” Your brain was scrambled. You tried to think through this sudden confession and couldn’t. “But…”

“I want a second chance,” he said. And crossed his arms and lifted his chin.

“Because of…” You looked at the tablet, as if it would explain to you why this sudden change of heart.

“Because I don’t want to be that novelist and regret never admitting that to you.”

“You just miss the sex,” you tried. He’d successfully knock your feet out from under you. This was not how you had expected this workplace confrontation to go.

“You know that’s not true.”

“You think about it all the time–”

“Well there’s a lot of sex to remember,” he grinned. “But I know you see the other memories I try to block out by remembering the sex.”

You did. Because the most joyful and the most painful memories were always the strongest, the easiest to track and feel. And many of your memories together now inspired both joy and suffering.

He wasn’t alone in that.

“I…”

“It’s ok if your answer is no,” he said, with that crooked smile beneath the soft eyes that had always stolen your heart. He could be so smug and headstrong and stubborn but no one had ever loved you or admired you or humored you the way he had, that wasn’t just a memory, it was the truth.

“You have to stop sending people to rebirth without running them by my department first,” you said, lifting your own chin and leveling a serious look at him. “You don’t know everything. Stop pretending like you don’t need me.”

“I do need you.”

The sentence that stopped your heart –or, you know, would have, if you were a mortal with a beating one.

“I need you to help me improve this system,” he said, suddenly scratching at his hair and looking to the side. “I know I’m not perfect and the world is changing so help me with that. You see the things I don’t see and um, I’d rather you help than just not say anything until it’s too late.”

“Ah.”

“You know, at least give me the chance to fix them.”

“It means you have to actually listen.”

“Yeah, I know.” He glanced at you, eyes going wide, youthful in his ageless face.

“Good. It’s good that you know that,” you said. And tried not to look at the memories bubbling over in his mind but it was impossible to miss them, because they were strong, and they were about you, and the regret and hope were honestly enough to nearly make you sick. It wasn’t helpful that they mirrored your own.

“So…”

“I’d be happy to work on the proposal with you,” you conceded. “Over dinner and drinks. On Friday?”

He grinned and nodded, “Yeah, over dinner and drinks on Friday. At your place or…?”

“In a restaurant, Pluto. Or Hades. Or whatever you’ve got on your door plate right now.”

He drew close and took your hand and grinned, “Nah, babe, you know you’ve always been allowed to call me Taehyung. That’ll never change. You’ve been calling me that all day anyway.”

“Have I–? I thought for sure I–” But you had. Oops. Old habits died hard, and Taehyung was just such a pretty name and, ok, maybe it had always left you a little smug to be allowed to call him that private name–

You cleared your throat and straightened your shoulders to gather yourself, “Then I will see you Friday. You pick the restaurant.” You darted away, loosening your hand, a bit flustered by how strongly he could still affect you when you let him. “And Taehyung… make it a good one.”

“Only the best this time. Good enough for eternity, I swear.”

“We’ll see,” you said, and quit his office, hoping in your heart that would be true.

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