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cooloddball · 3 years

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This is going to be a super long analysis of jib3 starting with the opening ceremony to the closing ceremony so brace yourselves.

Please note I believe in the breakup theory so maybe my opinion in this one might be biased so please don’t come for me, lol.

I will put it under the cut to avoid overcrowding your dashes with cockles shenanigans.

Also, watch out for profanities and mature language.

And so it begins...

Opening ceremony

The camera used to record the opening ceremony is shaky.

Misha, Jason Manns, and Jarpad seem to be having a lot of fun together and Jensen is just looking at his besties talking to the man he loves and he knows he can’t have that so he just stands there looking at them. Poor guy.

Jarpad asks who took Misha’s riffle? Things are awkward, I honestly don’t know what’s going on.

Misha kisses a plushie while making eye contact with Jensen and Jensen is like “oh, oh, wow” while making eye contact with Misha. LOL. Jack help me. This is a lot!!!

Jensen takes a plushie from Sebastian and Jared takes the one Misha had.

Are you guys flirting about trying to see whether you can keep plushies alive?

Misha throws something at the fans, I think he was throwing treats from earlier or whatever it was and Jensen says “Misha is still throwing” I mean why?

Cockles Panel

Jensen is so extra in this panel.

First of all, when he and Misha come out (no pun intended) a song starts playing and he starts dancing. Jensen is usually so poised while dancing but he is over the top throwing his back and shaking his tush for the mish. I think he was trying a little too hard. Misha spares his ex-boyfriend’s tush a glance smiles and looks away. LOL. The whole thing was cringey, tbh. It was so unlike Jensen.

When Sebastian touches Jensen’s shoulder and says something to Jensen, he [Jensen] laughs way too hard. I would say he laughs abnormally-it’s loud and he throws his whole body into it like he’s trying to prove what Sebastian was funny and it probably wasn’t. He laughs so hard he ends up right on Misha’s side. and Misha laughs at that though.

Rich says something about something in the sac that hurts(It’s incoherent) and Jensen says it hurts right here pointing at his heart (I can’t hear what they are saying exactly so if anyone knows please let me know)

I don’t know if Mark P. was going to hug Jensen or not or he was pointing at something behind Jensen, but at that moment, Jensen sees Sebastian going to hug Misha and whips his head away from Mark P’s direction so fast he almost broke his neck.

Sebastian humps Misha (these two are so playful I love them) and Jensen is just there acting awkward

There’s a comment by Rich about “It’s over, the convention’s over I’m no longer your bitch” I don’t know who this is about.

Now, now, now. This whole time Rich is doing a kissy mouth with his fingers on the monitor behind Jensen and Misha. His hand is right where Misha is standing (you’ll understand once you watch it) so Jensen makes a kissy face back and Misha is blushing? Ummm wtf is going on here?

Jensen also does something strange that he never does during cockles panels he pulls his seat away from Misha.

Misha makes a very weird comment about Sebastian’s libido drying up and they have a weird conversation about libido and Viagra ads. It’s weird.

It gets even more awkward Jensen talks about bringing a total stranger, and a blind date. And it goes downhill from there with them. The it wasn’t you it was me speech. It was special. So heartbreaking. It was clearly not about the show but about their relationship. I always have a difficult time getting through that part. It’s so awkward that the fans are just there wondering what the hell is going on.

They decide to take questions and the fan is all over the place so Misha interjects but Jensen won’t let Misha say what he wants to say so he says, “This is why you make it awkward. You never let people finish what they are saying.” Ouch. Domestic dispute vibes anyone?

The way Jensen is looking up at Misha when he’s answering that question. It’s like he wants to sear his face into his memory before they leave Rome.

Jensen is explaining to a fan how one of the four sound stages they had on set was full of furniture and Misha adds “and soiled mattresses” I mean what was the reason? Did they soil the mattresses with their [redacted]

A fan mentions something about Dean and Cas so these two adorable dorks smile and share a look. Things are starting to look up. Thank Jack.

The fan says something again (I can’t make out what he’s saying) but it must be something nice because they look at each other with smiles on their faces again.

Jensen playing with the head of his microphone. Is it just me or did the temperature rise a notch higher?

The way they look at each other when the fan says to help him choose the hottest female cast member on the show

Then something freaky happens they say the exact same thing as twins or bffs do sometimes. LOL.

When they start talking about the hot women with the fans Misha moves his entire body and now instead of looking at the fans, he is seated facing Jensen. The tension is simmering down.

A point to note is that in all their panels they always sit angled facing each other as opposed to facing the crowd save for this panel and DCCON 2019. But for DCCON I can understand that they weren’t comfortable being meant to be a J/2 panel and a creation event. So you know some people in that crowd are super mean to Mish and others to Jensen, so they had to tread carefully. But I digress back to the chaos.

They ask who wants to have a cockles panel the next year and they both raise their hands. I thought that was sweet

It’s adorable how Jensen keeps repeating everything Misha is saying.

Misha forgets himself and moves too close to Jensen to listen to the song on the phone. Jensen turns to look at Misha, I don’t know what that look is but Misha backs away laughing.

Jensen’s face journey while listening to that song is gold.

Misha moves closer to listen to the song. I have to say the way they are standing is not usually how two bros listening to music usually stand. If you know what I mean

Misha agrees that’s definitely Jensen singing. Of course, he knows because Mr. “Jensen sings to me all the time”

He looks so proud of him. I’d venture to say he’s happy to hear Jensen sing because he has always been so shy about that fact about himself. He even gives him a standing ovation. That’s so adorable. He loves him. My heart.

Jensen is so cute trying to deny it’s not him singing that song. Yeah, it’s you, Jensen. Even your ex agrees it’s you and we bet he knows how your voice sounds in all kinds of situations ;)

we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you. Jensen’s adorable smile when Misha says that. Aww.

The way they are not even looking at each other but they are seated the exact same way.

Allow me to explain to my friend here. Explains how his parents didn’t know whether he was a boy or a girl. Misha with the steel chair, “when did they figure out that you were a boy?”

How many years did they call you holly?

For six to seven years

Is it just me or is this conversation a flashback of teenage twink-lesbian Jensen years?

Fan asks whether Dean will ever forgive Cas. Watch Misha’s body language, he is trying to pacify himself by rubbing the back of his neck and fumbling with his shirt.

When Jensen says “ No!” without a moment’s hesitation, Misha looks distraught? I don’t know maybe I’m reading too much into this but I feel like this hit too close to home being that they were most likely broken up.

Misha however has a different opinion, “I think he has”

Jensen says, “Wishful thinking” and that elicits a smile from Misha.

A fan asks about Dean giving Cas the trenchcoat back and things get interesting. Weirdly, that Jensen can’t say the word gay out loud. He literally uses the word “unmanly” in its stead in the guise of censorship? It’s not a bad word Jensen you can say it. However, Misha and the fans say the word so I’m wondering who is censoring Jensen’s use of that word. He eventually says it but super fast.

Jensen says that saying “I always knew you would come back” is not something he would say to another human being, especially a man. Jesus, there’s nothing wrong with saying that to another human being you care about. He’s the one making it gay. He was extra when answering that one.

They spent one and half hours making that scene just to end up not saying anything and it ended up looking gay anyway. Anyway, that’s interesting.

Jensen angles his body towards Mish and says in a very low soft and sexy voice “I guess I really hoped that you would come back some day” I would venture to say that Jensen at the moment in the panel was actually saying them to Misha. Who knows though?

They talk about it a whole lot for something that bothered him that much.

Misha being so excited about recreating a scene when a fan told Jarpad he’s amazing and Jarpad said "you are welcome.

“I think I understand what she wants. I’m not sure what she’s gonna get.” This is a very good line Misha. I will be using it often.

The way they awkwardly stand too close and whisper to each other. Umm…what is going on here?

Jensen folds over laughing because of something Misha says. They are back. The tension is almost 90% gone now and they are in their element.

The chaos of recording the alarm ringtone for the fan was just great to watch. They kept getting closer and closer and I think they might have shared spit at that point. Gross….LOL

The way Misha is sitting is he you know.

Jensen asking Misha whether he was saying anything or just screaming while they were recording. I think he just wanted to see Misha smile.

Jensen’s joy when a fan mentions that they have Misha’s résumé.

Jensen saying the word shit made my day. I curse a lot and it made me feel validated somehow.

Misha calls him dickhead in return and Jensen stops functioning and laughs instead . He also gets all hot and bothered trying to fumble with the lapel of his shirt. He does this a lot when he is turned on. He has a humiliation kink I think.

They start talking over each other about Misha’s special skills. Looks like Jensen might have known beforehand because he went straight for that. Or maybe he didn’t know but he knew since Misha is a mad genius there must be some amazing things in there. Either way, it was a good moment.

OMG Jensen is so excited and the way he motions to Misha to bring that résumé to him, LOL. This man was thirsty AF.

He even goes down from the stage to meet Misha and invades his personal space trying to reach the résumé. I think this is the moment the tension between them dissipated completely and they were back to some form of normalcy.

Misha holding Jensen’s shoulder trying to get his résumé back. Unsucessfully, I should add.

They read something funny and they fold over laughing and spin around like overjoyed seals. It is far removed from the mollusk family but at least it’s still a sea creature (I don’t know what I’m saying please don’t mind me)

Jensen is still on his knees laughing and can’t get up. As I said, he is being too extra in this panel.

Misha is trying to talk but they both can’t stop laughing. I think Jensen laughed so hard he got an extra set of abs that day.

Jensen is still laughing and you know what he is laughing at? Misha’s special skills being acting on camera. I mean it’s funny but man, prayforjensen.

They are still laughing. Jack, help them.

The way Jensen looks at Misha with pure adoration here makes me so happy and reminds me of the fictional characters they played being all heart eyes for each other.

Misha laughed so hard he cried.

Jensen trying to read the next ‘special skill’ Misha has but he can’t even talk because of how funny he thinks it is. He’s trying so hard not to laugh but he can’t help himself.

Jensen agreeing and also asking the audience to agree that Misha has a knack for certain accents. Accent kink anyone?

Jensen is so excited when Misha starts Tibetan throating singing and does the unicorn laugh facing away from the crowd. Bet he has experienced Misha’s Tibetan throat singing skills on a personal when they are (loud overhead helicopter noises followed by thunder rumbling)

Jensen falling to the ground after feigning a heart attack once he saw that Misha is a certified EMT. I mentioned before that I honestly, 100% think he wanted mouth to mouth. There’s no other explanation. He could’ve feigned a nose bleed or just about any other illness but he chose to fall on a dirty floor and lay down so Misha could either give him the breath of life or straddle him. Luckily for him his dream came true 7 years later at Jib9 when straddle gate happened. But I digress

Too bad Misha was still mad at him and heartbroken so he kicked him instead.

Jensen knowing that Misha kayaks seems to be part of his personal knowledge. Maybe they did it together sometimes.

Horseback riding. Hmm is it just me or do they seem awkward here?

Misha is so close to Jensen’s armpits. Must be missing his man’s musk and being held in those muscular arms again. Poor baby.

Misha can’t talk because of how funny he finds bicycle touring. I mean…I don’t see what’s funny but I guess he knows why it’s funny.

Misha laughing and raises his legs because Jensen is elaborating on the bicycle touring. Maybe it’s an inside joke or maybe it’s no longer funny to me because I’ve watched this panel like 5 times.

I think Jensen’s goal was to see Misha laugh and be happy because he turned to look at Misha who was still laughing hard and the joy on Jensen’s face. Aww.

Misha gravitating towards his man again. He must smell really nice Misha. And those arms. Bet he used to lift you against the wall and (this fucking thunder won’t stop rambling. Are chuck and Amara fighting again?)

Jensen marketing his man’s carpentry skills but then makes sure to make it ‘no homo’ by saying he would never sit on anything Misha has built. Sure Jan. Then he circles back and says that he knows that he can build things.

Misha walks away from him and he looks up to make sure where he is going. Maybe he was afraid Misha was walking out on him. (PTSD from their breakup?)

They mention acting on camera again.

And laugh

Jensen keeps talking about the acting on camera and watches to see if Misha is still laughing He still is and Jensen is happy that his baby is happy. He looks at him again and he is still happy that Misha is still happy. Then once the laughter dies down he starts talking about bicycle touring and checks again to see if Misha is laughing which he is so Jensen throws his head back unicorn laughing and then looks at Misha again to see that he’s still laughing. Then they look at each other and say something maybe it’s about that was a good laugh. Jensen is wiping tears from his eyes because of how hard he laughed Misha does the same. That entire thing was insane and they seemed to love it.

Jensen starts saying that being this happy or goofing around is how they are on set sometimes and have to take a 5-10 minute break and Misha doesn’t seem too happy at the mention of the set.

Jensen knowing that you can buy résumés on eBay. Did he buy Misha’s and then plant someone in the audience to bring it up or? Okay, yeah I know I’m reaching here but it’s probable.

I guess my theory wasn’t farfetched because Jensen says that he’s pretty sure that Jarpad put it on eBay the previous night so maybe he is the one who did all that to win Misha back?

Jensen knows the appellation clogging is a stretch. Seems like Misha has told him about it before.

Jensen looking at his watch to see if they have time for Misha to be telling a story about his high school sweetheart and now wife. I bet he wishes Misha could tell their love story so openly. He can’t stop looking at Misha.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha here. WTF man? He’s literally confused about what the question is.

The personal space question. This whole thing was just so many things. It was awkward, cringey, thirsty, funny.

when the fan asks whether there’s a funny fact between Jensen and Misha. I almost fainted. What? And Jensen repeats it. The two men are so stoic. They are not even looking at each other. They are looking at the fan like the way a statue stares at you, unmoving. Cringe.

The room is so quiet. Poor girl, I hope she didn’t feel awkward afterwards because if it were me, I would’ve cried from how stoic they looked and how quiet everyone was.

How they both scratch themselves, Misha on the head and Jensen on the nose. Maybe the question hit too close to home

Jensen turns to look at Misha as if to say ’help me out here man. We don’t wanna disappoint our fans.”

Misha gets it because he gets up. This whole thing is gold.

The way Jensen breathes out in anticipation. I know it was like they were playing a skit about personal space but why was he breathing like that? Shouldn’t he have been playing it as ‘uncomfortable’ not ‘turned on.’ Boudoir mannerisms.

Moving on Misha is unsure on where to touch Jensen 40.31. This is weird in and of itself because usually, they don’t have a problem touching each other’s faces, tush, eggplants, (jib4 anyone), backs et cetera. But now it’s weird? *cough* breakup *cough*

Misha touches Jensen’s ear and Jensen literally moans. He frigging moans people. In case it is not clear in the video, here is an isolated audio version of it. Jensen is also fumbling with his shirt like he’s all hot and bothered. Just like Misha did earlier. Was Jib3 their couple’s therapy that reminded them how happy and horny they made each other?

Jensen is really not answering the question, to be honest. He’s fumbling for words and trying so very hard to make sense but his word are incoherent.

Misha going in for the nose dip. I know friends do this all the time but you have to be very close and familiar with someone such as a friend friend or a sibling for you to poke a finger in their nose. I mean noses are slimy and eww…anyway. That happened. They seem so comfortable with it. Jensen I love you but please stop talking.

The way Jensen looks at Misha. He has the cutest smile on his face as if saying thank you for making that fun and making me horny, I still want you.

Misha wiping his pinky that touched Jensen’s nose on his pants. (I wanted to add something disgusting about what heshould’ve done with that pinky but I won’t so let’s move on)

Jensen wiggling his nose.

When Misha suggests that Spn moves to Nickolodeon. Jensen laughs a bit too hard.

Misha talking about spn being a puppet show reminds me of how he mentioned them having a puppet show in Jensen’s backyard after the show is over.

Jensen also saying that in a way spn is a puppet show. I mean is someone making snide comments about how their strings get pulled and sometimes they are not happy about it. Like how they fired his boyfriend. It seems like it’s an inside joke.

They named the plushie Zippy aww :))

For jack’s sake guys, the way they look at each other when they mention that the résumé was the highlight of the panel.

Jensen saying the more dirt you dig up on Misha, the more rewarded you are. Aww, someone’s trying to win his man back by any means necessary. You go girl…I mean Jensen.

He talks more about how he’s looking forward to next year when fans have more dirt on his friend Misha. Jensen didn’t want to leave the stage, he was lingering so he could spend more time with Misha.

It’s over guys.

Closing Ceremony

I know you didn’t ask for the closing ceremony but here you go. It’s a free gift.

Can I just mention how Jarpad is an overactive puppy? He has to play with anything and everything he finds.

The mc announces Misha twice for some reason. The second time Jensen looks in Misha’s direction with a small smile on his face. He [Jensen] is also chewing vigorously.

Jensen and Jarpad being typical dude bros and karate chop Rich. This is why the difference between his relationship with Jarpad and Misha stands out. He would be too busy making heart eyes to Misha to kick another guy. LoL.

Jensen hulking out when Jarpad is taking a video of everyone. Lol. This video keeps reiterating my point that his relationship with the two men is just different.

Jensen keeps looking in Misha’s direction, Misha who is busy talking to Steve and having fun. Let me also mention Steve is Jensen’s bestie and so are Jarpad and Misha, but I’m sure that Jensen felt some type of way, jealous when they were having so much fun with his man and he couldn’t. Jarpad also takes a while filming Misha for Jensen of course. They remind me of me having a crush back when I was in school. Wait, did Misha look at Jensen? It’s hard to see because the angle of the video is not expansive but I guess he was.

As soon as Jarpad gets back, Jensen takes the camera from him and starts filming fans. I’m sure he just wanted Misha to look at him

Rich mention’s Misha and something about acting on camera and Jensen licks his lips looking at Misha (I think).

Jensen then vigorously grabs the microphone from someone immediately and mention’s Misha. Jarpad’s reaction at that moment tells you everything you need to know about what’s going on between Jensen and Misha. It looks like he is pleading with Jensen in his head saying, “Don’t embarrass yourself bro. Please don’t” but it’s too late.

Jensen again talks about Misha’s résumé and specifically about acting on camera, the thing that made Misha laugh out loud during their panel. Someone’s smitten. Defending his ex-man.

Jarpad goes to whisper something to Misha. And they laugh while Jensen is thanking the jib staff for doing an amazing job. But when he sees the duo laughing, he loses track of thought and says “and they are all getting married” dude what ??? How do you go from thanking people who worked on the convention and in .1 seconds you are talking about they are all getting married? Who is? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down? No one gets it, he says he’s kidding and gives Jarpad the microphone, spares a glance at Misha and he seems distraught from that moment on. I wish I could see Misha’s face through all this.

He’s glancing in Misha’s direction again. Man’s got it bad. What?! Oh to be loved by Jensen Ackles. Misha must be a prize, I know he is a mad genius and gorgeous and sexy as hell with that golden skin that looks like it was dipped in gold and honey, big blue eyes that are bluer than the bluest blue, but Jensen wtf man? You are in public.

I think Jarpad is telling Jensen something maybe it has to do with what he and Misha were talking about earlier?

And it’s over people.

Overall, I agree with the breakup theory. I mean the way these two were acting around each other was very strange. If you watch Misha and Jarpad, they seem okay from the opening ceremony up till the end but Jensen and Misha are just being weird.

The panel was mostly fun but their body language told a story that something was definitely going on between them.

@littlewolf2703

#jib3 #jibcon 2012 #jib3 analysis #jib3 cockles panel #cockles #this was a doozy #glad to be done #there was a lot going on in that panel #cockles break up #cockles break up theory

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themoonandotherslikeit · 3 years

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Painted - Chapter One

“Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.” - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Y/N has moved on, her scars are barely noticeable anymore, and she’s finally stable. Or at least she was.

10 years after the worst day of her life, Y/N found herself staring face to face with an unimaginable horror. In the wake of her worst nightmare come to life, she finds herself reunited with the man that saved her all those years ago - Agent Dean Winchester who had left her a decade before broken and wanting.

Dean Winchester has spent the last 10 years trying desperately to forget Y/N and the tragedy that he pulled her out of, but when she called asking for his help he dropped everything to come to her aid as he knew he always would.

Can Y/N and Dean solve the mystery that has resurfaced after all this time? Will they be able to resist the pull between them? Or will this be the final brush strokes on a canvas, sealing their fate for good?

No Beta currently, all mistakes are my own!

Pairing: Dean/Reader

Tags: Dark!Fic, Agent!Dean, Serial Killer Fic, Smut etc.

Chapter One

Everything has a color. To Y/N, violence was red. She pulled back her arm, her fist colliding with the heft of her punching bag with a soft thud . One, two, kick. She liked training alone, it centered her, cleared her mind. She didn’t have to worry about pulling her punches, avoiding the knees when she kicked. The biggest danger was the skin on her knuckles, which were expertly wrapped.

It all started as self defense, a way to ease her mind as she walked back to her Jeep on the dark nights, but it had evolved to something else altogether. She didn’t fight because she was afraid, she fought because she was pissed . She was pissed that she had to learn to defend herself; that other women did. She taught classes so that her community would be safe, so that they’d find less women abandoned in ditches beaten to death.

But when she was alone, it was something else completely. The why of the thing was a mystery most of the time, even to her. People used to ask her if she was afraid she would see him again. She wasn't, not really. But she kept fighting anyway, and she would be lying if his face wasn’t the one she pictured every time her fist collided with the bag.

The beat of her music throbbed in her ears like an angry heartbeat as she went for an uppercut that rattled the bag. She was panting, sweat rolling down her temple. Each hit was a beat of her heart, causing the bag to come alive. With each swing she made, it swung back at her. She was strong, and she wasn’t holding back. One, two, kick.

Her watch chimed to alert her that she hit her workout goal for the day, but she had more fire within her that needed to be extinguished. It was a long workout, even for her, but she had a lot on her mind. If she was thinking about the ache of her knuckles and burning in her biceps, she was less likely to obsess over the things she couldn’t control. So she hit the bag again and again.

The sun was starting to speckle through the blinds on the storefront window, making the sweat on her arms glisten like diamonds. She considered, just for a moment, how the coast would look against the purples and oranges of the sunrise. She could have a coffee and just enjoy the silence. Or she could keep fighting. That answer was easy. She didn’t have time to appreciate the beauty in life. She hadn’t for a long time. All of the colors had lost their brightness, the depth that he used to talk about so frequently. The thing that kept him mixing until it was just right.

She hadn’t thought of him in so long, so when the thought came to her, she didn’t react fast enough to the bag swinging back toward her from her last hit. It collided directly with her face, sending her backwards onto the mat. A loud, painful crack echoed through her skull as her nose collided with the bag. She laid there for a moment, groaning. She tried to sit up, her nose throbbing and her mouth filling with blood from the hit. “Fuck me,” she whispered to no one in particular.

Trauma was black. According to her therapist, there were different types of trauma. Y/N learned that they all could be sorted into one of three main categories: acute trauma that results from a single incident, chronic trauma that is repeated and prolonged such as domestic violence or abuse, and complex trauma which is exposure to varied and multiple traumatic events, often of an invasive, interpersonal nature. More so, there was capital T trauma and what she called little t trauma . Capital T was the big stuff, the stuff that wrecks a person in an irreparable way. Little t was less so. It is possible for a traumatized person to get over a little t trauma.

In Y/N’s life she’d seen her fair share of trauma. Probably more than a thirty-three year old woman should’ve. She’d seen trauma happen to others, happen to herself, and continue to happen in case after case that she worked. She saw trauma that others didn’t. The kind of trauma that couldn’t be seen from the outside. The kind of trauma that a person inflicts upon themselves.

She was always told that trauma healed over time, like a bruise, but for her, trauma was a cut that kept reopening. It was a scab that she couldn’t stop picking at, a bruise that seemed to deepen to a darker purple before it ever yellowed. Her eyes stung from the hit, and she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

The only way she knew how to heal was to move on, leave the trauma behind. Her therapist told her to imagine herself placing the memories in a box and locking them away. Sometimes, when she was alone, she could hear that box screaming, banging, and begging to be opened. She resisted the urge, especially today.

She forced herself to stand, her head spinning. She leaned against the wall to regain her balance before she walked out to her car, her head tilted back. She could feel the blood roll down the back of her throat since it was unable to escape her nostril. She’d be pissed if she broke her nose, but, from what she could tell, it seemed intact even though it hurt like a bitch.

Her headphones were askew, but still playing her workout mix. She adjusted them and spit some blood from her mouth. She wouldn’t be thwarted by a fall; no, she wouldn’t be taken down so easily. If she fell in the gym and no one was there to witness her humiliation, did she even fall? The answer to that depended on if anyone would notice her bruised nose after the fact. If they didn’t, as far as she was concerned, she had a perfect refreshing work out with no issues whatsoever. Maybe with enough makeup her secret would remain her own.

10 years earlier

The sound of his paintbrush swiping delicately against canvas was soothing to Y/N. She sat on the edge of the bed, atop black satin sheets, resting on her hands, her back arched and her legs spread just right. Her long strawberry hair fell down her shoulders in loose waves onto the sheets.

“Just like that,” Lucifer murmured, a blonde wave falling into his eye. He was focused, his tongue partially out of his mouth, his eyebrows knitted together. She wasn’t able to see the painting from her vantage point, but she knew what it was. It was always the same. I just can’t get you right, he’d complain, his voice laced with pain and disdain. She thought he made her more beautiful than she ever could be on her own.

When she’d met him, he was so focused on his art. He would eat, sleep, and drink his paintings. His clothing was speckled with oil colors, his fingers calloused from gripping paint brushes for hours on end. She found him sexy and mysterious. She was dying to know the man behind such beautiful pieces of art.

It didn’t take long for his obsession to shift from his art directly to her. He doted on her endlessly, showering her in flowers, candy, candlelight dinners. They made love constantly. He couldn’t get enough of her.

“Let me paint you, Y/N,” he’d purr between her legs. “I just want to paint you.” It took her weeks to say yes. She’d always brush him off, blushing and insecure. “You’re exquisite. Please let me paint you.”

She struggled to deny Lucifer’s requests when he asked as his breath tickled the inside of her thigh. It was hard to deny him of anything , if she was being honest. The first time she said yes, he arrived in her bedroom and asked her to drop the floral robe she was wearing. He’d seen her naked dozens of times, but she was still nervous, vulnerable, staring at him. She brought him a bag, insisting that he look inside before she disrobed.

He stared at the bag, confused.

“They’re body paints,” she explained. “I thought you wanted to paint me.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. They made love on the apartment floor, painting designs on each other's skin until she was swollen and wanting, gasping his name into the night.

When she woke up in the early hours of the morning, she found him painting her image onto a canvas laying splayed out, covered in swirls of sex and paint. “Don’t move,” he instructed calmly. She wanted to be angry, but she still felt drunk from being ravished, and his eyes examining her were sensual and slow. She watched his wrist spin and curl, and a chill ran up her spine.

“Lucifer, how much longer? ”

“You’re just so beautiful, Y/N. You know that, right?”

“No,” she murmured, and his eyebrows knitted together.

“We will fix that,” he promised. “You will always be this beautiful.” He was talking to her, she logically knew that, but from her vantage point she could’ve sworn he was speaking to the canvas.

Present

Y/N entered the code to unlock the front gate to her property, leaning half out her car window. Thankfully, her bleeding had stopped, but her upper lip and chin were still crusty with blood. She looked like a mess, if she was being honest, but the only one there to judge her was her chocolate brown pit bull, Castiel, and Y/N figured that Cas wouldn’t care much either way.

The iron gate opened with a groan, sliding to her right. She slid back into her seat and shifted out of park to pull forward down the driveway toward her house. It was modest, nothing too big or magnificent. The outside was grey brick, a two story home with a large green yard and a pool in the back. As she pulled up, she could already see Castiel’s nose pressed against the window, her head through the thick curtains. Y/N smiled, her heart warming at the sight. She wiggled her fingers at Castiel in a small wave.

Castiel greeted her at the door, his tail wagging excitedly. She knelt down to pet his chin only to be met with deep blue eyes and a pink tongue. “I know, buddy. I need to shower somethin’ fierce.”

She kissed his nose and murmured. “I’m good. We’re good.” Half the time she wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince. She locked the front door behind her and kicked off her shoes. Her arms ached and her heartbeat was still residing in her sinus from her fall. She let her hair out of the tie that kept it up in a high ponytail, letting it fall down her back. Her head was sore from her hair being up for hours. She massaged her scalp with a wince. Everything hurt and she couldn’t wait to wash her problems down the drain and start fresh.

Her work out clothes were discarded on the bathroom floor, the sound of running water and the steam accumulating in the air were already starting to soothe her. She took a deep breath in through her nose with a wince before stepping into the shower and closing the curtain behind her.

Y/N faced the water, letting the heat roll down her skin. The water ran brown from sweat and blood. She braced her hands on the walls of the shower to keep herself steady. She closed her eyes, letting the baptism wash her worries away. Time has a way of wrecking a person, she knew that much. It gave a false sense of security, a sense of growth and change. She spent so much time trying to put her past behind her, locked away inside of a box.

She opened her eyes and looked at the half sleeves covering her wrists and forearms. The flowers and vines twisting around her arms, climbing, and growing out of thick, pink scars - creating something beautiful out of tragedy. She had hoped, when she got them, that they would help her heal and forget. She could laugh now at that naive girl who thought anything would let her forget. Time heals wounds, yes, but the greatest ones still ached in the cold and the rain.

Suds from soap and shampoo swirled down the drain, and she reached down to turn off the water. She wrapped her hair in a towel and slipped into her robe. She could hear Castiel whine outside of the bathroom door, unusually unhappy with not being able to see her. “You’re good, Cas,” she called out, wiping the fog from the mirror. She examined her nose. It was a little swollen and already beginning to bruise. She cursed to herself and just hoped that it’d be dull enough that her painted foundation would cover it. The last thing she needed was to worry those around her.

Castiel scratched at the door again, and she opened it, her dog circling her legs impatiently. “What is your deal?” Y/N reached down and scratched behind her ear, eliciting licks from Castiel.

Towel drying her hair, she stepped out of the bathroom and rounded the corner. Her eyes were heavy, and her head pounded from the hit. She needed coffee, bad . As she turned the corner, she stopped dead in her tracks, her towel falling from her hand. Castiel whined insistently, nudging Y/N’s leg with his nose. She stared face to face with something so familiar that it made her gut tighten, acid crawling up her throat.

A painting hung at her eye level in the hallway near the bathroom. Fine brush strokes of pale peach skin, strawberry twists of hair splayed out on black satin sheets, flushed cheeks, parted lips, and freckled legs spread out, exposing a delicate pink vagina tucked between them.

Y/N stared at herself. Her eyes closed, her swollen mouth, her pink cheeks on a face and head that belonged to her. Her freckled neck blended downwards onto heavy breasts with dark nipples and a mole under the right that she’d never seen before.

Her knees were weak, and she stumbled back, bumping into Castiel and tumbling backwards. She fell, hitting her tailbone on the wood floors with a hard smack . Tears burned in her eyes, from pain or fear she wasn’t sure. Castiel came to her, licking her cheek in concern.

Anxiety crept into her chest, pressing down heavily. She gasped for breath and clamped her eyes shut. She pictured the box inside of her mind, thrashing and pulsing with anger, begging to be opened. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she forced herself to stand on shaking legs. She made her way to her bedroom and quickly spun the code on her safe, pulling her gun from it. She clicked the safety off and held it in front of her.

With each room that she checked she only found an emptiness that overtook her home with a heaviness that seemed to engulf her completely. Nothing seemed strange or out of place other than the large depiction of her naked body that hung on her wall.

She kept her gun positioned outward and pulled out her cellphone, dialing the number that she could never forget. All she could hope for was an answer, and as a ring met her ear she let out a sigh of relief. It had been so long, she had expected a disconnected tone. She pressed the phone closer to her ear as she heard his voice.

“Y/N?”

“He’s back.”

------

Chapter Two

Read on A03 Here

Tag List: @lyarr24

@dean-winchesters-bacon

@waywardbaby @akshi8278

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deanstead · 3 years

Text

Family Don’t Start With Blood

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Daughter!Reader

Request by anon: Could you do a Sam x daughter!reader where they found her as a baby but she was half demon so they took her in to try and be good and she grows up with them and stuff and then I’m season 15 instead of Cas going to the empty it’s her going (bc she’s half demon) where they find Ruby and Ruby admits to the reader that she’s her mother and Sams her father

Warnings: none

A/N: This was a specific request so I decided to give it a go. I apologise if there’s any mistakes! Hit me up in my ask and let me know what you think – should I continue to write Winchester!Daughter fics? That said, this is based off of 15x13 and I do hope you like what I did with it! Taglists are open, as are requests!

---

Sam turned slightly to look at you, where you had fallen asleep in the back of the Impala and smiled.

“Kid’s pooped.” Dean commented and Sam smiled. “Technically she’s only what… 11?” Sam said with a smile, looking back out the window, as Dean looked in the mirror and turned the music down.

Sam still remembered that day about 11 years ago, when he had first found you – just a baby wrapped in a thin blanket. It took a little less than a minute of you laying in his arms before you had Sam wrapped around your tiny fingers.

At best, Dean had been hesitant, the hesitation only growing when they realised you were half-demon. Sam glanced at Dean who had his eyes fixed on the road, remembering the many arguments that they had had - about bringing you up to be good and Sam’s own insistence that you were half human and could be good. When Sam finally managed to convince Dean to carry you in his arms, you had looked up at him, grabbed his finger and Dean had stopped arguing altogether.

You had spent the next 11 years growing under the watchful eyes of the Winchesters. You didn’t present like a normal 11-year-old child, growing rapidly, both physically and mentally and Sam had finally relented a few years back, allowing you to go on hunts with them. Which, as Dean constantly reminded him, had saved their skins more than once.

You whined a little as Dean went over a hump and Sam turned to glance at you again as you shifted in your sleep. “Sorry kid.” Dean whispered, an affectionate smile on his face as he glanced at you through the mirror.

Sam smiled. “Crazy, huh?”

Dean glanced at Sam. “You know if Dad was here, he’d whoop our asses.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Dean, it took you all of two seconds to love that girl.”

“Shut up.”

Sam chuckled, readjusting himself on the seat, taking one last look back at you, the feeling of pride that was blossoming in his chest was one that only a father could have. You’d made both of them proud - the way you could tell right from wrong as easily as breathing, sometimes even steering both of them on the right path when they wavered.

---

You had been brought up like a daughter under Sam and Dean, but you always knew it was out of the goodness of their hearts that they had taken you in, so you were always careful about making the right decisions. You had always called them by their names, and no one talked about what you all were to each other – you just knew you were family, and you loved each other.

As you were growing up, you had an unmistakable connection to Sam that you couldn’t really explain. Dean was just as protective over you and you knew he loved you under his gruff exterior but there was just something that made you naturally closer to Sam.

You looked up as you heard voices talking, getting up and peeping out from your room. You could hear it in Dean’s voice and it wasn’t good.

“We’ll deal with them but right now, you and me, we gotta go to Hell.” Dean’s voice travelled down the corridor.

You froze as you heard Castiel’s voice, “Woah. You do?”

“Jo said that’s where Ruby stashed the Occultum.” Sam explained.

You stood a little distance away but you could hear everything they were saying. “Ruby? The demon you were sexually intimate with?”

Your eyebrows shot up as you heard the disdain in Dean’s voice. “Sexually intimate?”

You didn’t like where this conversation was leading though, as you listened to Cas try to convince Sam and Dean that going to Hell wasn’t a good idea.

“We have to work with what we have. So we’ll go to Hell, you stay topside and keep that spell alive so we get back, alright?” Dean snapped, turning but freezing in his tracks when he saw you. “Hey kid.”

“Y/N?” Sam stepped out of the room they had been in.

Your expression must have betrayed you because Sam stepped towards you.

“Isn’t that too dangerous?” You asked, your eyes darting from Sam to Dean and back again.

Sam didn’t answer your question directly. “As long as the spell is kept alive here, Dean and I will be able to come back. No problems, okay?” he bent to look you in the eye.

You knew this was important. “Okay.” Your voice came out as a whisper.

As Sam straightened up, you looked up again. “Sam.”

You paused as he looked back down at you. “Be safe.” You whispered. Sam smiled and reached down to hug you. “You take care of things here, okay?”

You nodded before looking at Dean. “Don’t worry, kid.” Dean said, as he gave you a tight hug. “We’ll be right back.”

---

You sat with Castiel in the library, staring at the bowl that contained the spell that was Sam and Dean’s ticket back.

“So they made it? Sam and Dean are in hell?” Jack asked as he walked in.

You didn’t answer but Castiel spoke, “Yeah.” He paused. “There are too many holes in Jo’s story. Who was Ruby going to sell the Occultum to? Why didn’t Jo try to get it back?”

Your eyes flicked up now. “You think she’s lying?”

Castiel sighed, “I think we need to ask Ruby.”

“She’s dead.” Jack stated, confusion etched across his face.

“In the Empty.” Castiel clarified. “I need your assistance. Both of you.”

“Sure, anything.” Jack responded, as you knew he would.

Castiel stood, “I need you to kill me. Almost.”

“Wait.” You stopped him.

Castiel put a hand up. “Listen, if I’m at death’s brink, I should be able to put one foot in the afterlife and contact Ruby.”

Jack frowned and glanced at you. “Cas, the Empty doesn’t exactly like you, remember?”

“I’ll go.” You said, interrupting the conversation.

Castiel frowned at you. “No.”

“I’m half-demon, the same spell will get me to the same place. I’m a new face, the Empty doesn’t have a beef with me, and me being half-demon might be advantageous when I talk to this Ruby.”

Castiel hesitated, glancing at Jack.

“Besides, it’s safer that you’re here. What if you go and Jack and I can’t bring you back?” You argued. “If you’re here, I know that you’ll definitely be able to bring me back. Come on, Cas.”

Castiel looked at your determined expression and he knew that you were right.

“If this will help Sam and Dean, I’m doing it.” You stressed.

“Are you sure?” Jack asked, looking from you to Castiel.

Castiel glanced at you again and you nodded at him.

“You have one hour. That’s it.” Castiel said, looking slightly worried.

You nodded at him before turning to Jack. Jack hesitated but touched your forehead and you felt the breath knocked out of you, your life force being drained into a flask that he was holding out in front of you. The last thing you saw was Jack’s worried face before your eyes fluttered shut.

---

You found yourself surrounded by darkness. Utter pitch black. You could even feel your human half squirming.

“Ruby? Ruby? Can you hear me?” You called out, taking a few steps forward. You weren’t even sure if any of your powers would work here.

“Hello. You’re a new face.” A voice came out of the darkness and you spun around defensively.

A woman sitting on a chair facing you. “Why are you stomping around here looking for Ruby?”

You took a deep breath. “I’m here to fulfil a request ordered by Death.” You paused, narrowing your eyes slightly. “Are you the Empty?”

She let out a smile. “Oh, a smart one. Now, tell me. Why should I help you?”

You took another step forward. “I understand you and Death are working together.”

She sighed dramatically before pointing. You turned to see a ball of light, before it enlarged and a young woman took its place.

“Ruby?” You ventured, moving towards the new appearance.

She looked confused as she looked around before looking at you. “Where am I?”

“You’re dead.” You stated matter of factly.

Ruby’s eyes grazed over you and it bothered you that she seemed to be sizing you up. “I remember.” She finally said, “Are you?”

You shrugged, “Almost, I guess.” A beat of silence passed between the two of you. “Ruby, I’m looking for an object known as the Occultum. The angel Jo said that you hid it somewhere in Hell.”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Did she? That is so like her. Don’t you think it’s a little obvious for a demon to be hiding something in Hell?”

“I wouldn’t know.” You said, squinting your eyes at her. “Sam and Dean are searching there now.”

Her expression softened, “Oh, Sam. How is the big lug? I liked him.” Unconsciously, a low growl rose in your throat. “We had a good thing, until…”

Ruby paused. “Are you… You are, aren’t you?”

“What?” You snapped, your patience wearing thin.

“You’re half-demon aren’t you? You’re her.”

You froze. “You know me?”

Ruby looked at you. “Oh, you must be her. Sam must have found you. I’m glad he took you in, that’s so typical Sam.” You growled a little, getting annoyed.

“How do you know me?” You asked again, wary.

“Why, honey, don’t you recognise your mother?” Ruby drawled, a small smile playing on her lips.

If you had been holding something, you would have dropped it.

Your mouth opened but no sound came out as the conversation you had overheard this morning played in your head like a broken recorder.

Ruby? The demon you were sexually intimate with?

You looked at Ruby again and she answered the question you didn’t ask, “Yeah, honey, Sam’s your father.”

You swallowed, processing the information. You didn’t have a lot of time left in the Empty, you needed to get the information you came for.

“Listen, I don’t have a lot of time. Can we just…” You tore your eyes away from the woman, the demon, that had just dropped a bombshell on you, and pressed further. “When you went to Jo about the Occultum…”

“When I went to see her?” Ruby’s voice was scathing now and you looked back up. “She called me.” You listened, an uneasy feeling forming in your gut as you listened to Ruby give her account of what had really happened, how Jo had asked to see her, pitching her the idea to be in the safest place anyone could be in when Michael and Lucifer battled it out – the Occultum.

“It’s a place?” You asked incredulously.

Ruby looked straight at you. “Whatever you want to call it, it’s powerful. Anyway, we had a deal so I stashed it. I can tell you the location. But it’s definitely not in Hell.”

You tried to ignore the voice screaming in your head that Sam and Dean were in hell for nothing, stashing away the desire to kill Jo. “Does Jo know where it is?”

Ruby let out a dry laugh. “As if she could be trusted. But you can trust me.”

It was your turn to let out a laugh. “Because you’re my mother?”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Because I want a deal.” She paused. “I’ll help you on one condition. Get me the hell out of here.”

“What?” You asked, furrowing your brows.

“This place is full of sorrow and despair, playing over and over again.” Ruby spat.

You looked back at her helplessly. “There’s no way I can…”

“You’re connected. I bet Sam, Dean, Castiel, they’re all waiting for you at the other end. I just need you to try.”

You needed to get the information from her before time ran out. “Okay, I’ll try.”

Ruby leaned forward to whisper in your ear.

---

Jack cast a look at Cas, his eyes moving towards your limp form at the table before looking back at the bowl containing the spell that was Sam and Dean’s ticket back here. Just then, a whooshing sound signaled their return.

“Guys, you’re back!” Jack called as their eyes fell on your limp form.

“Jack? Cas? What the hell?” Dean stepped forward, his eyes trained on you.

“Y/N? Honey?” Sam was kneeling next to you. “She’s cold. What’s going on?”

Jack looked at them. “She’s dead… kind of.”

Dean looked worriedly at you, his eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” Sam spat.

Castiel stood. “The Occultum isn’t in Hell.”

Dean didn’t say anything but swung his head to Jack.

“Y/N went to the Empty. Hopefully... To find Ruby. Hopefully... To find out where this Occultum thing is located.” Jack frowned. “Hopefully...”

“That’s way too many hopefullys!” Sam raised his voice as Dean looked back at Castiel.

“Bring her back. Now!”

---

When Ruby pulled away, you studied her.

“But it’s true, what you said?” You asked. Ruby rolled her eyes. “I told you, you could trust me.”

You shook your head. “I meant what you said about… me…” Your voice trailed off.

Ruby smiled. “Oh darling, that is definitely true. I made sure Sam would find you. But the rest? That’s all him.”

With that, Ruby quietly disappeared into the darkness, smiling at you.

“Hey.” The Empty was back now. “Now, my turn.”

Your stomach did a nervous flip. You were now pretty sure none of your abilities would work here.

“You don’t get to come traipsing in as and when you like, so take this as a little punishment.” She fisted her hand into a ball and you felt a pain surge through your body, as if someone was squeezing your heart and your whole body.

You groaned, sinking to your knees.

---

Castiel glanced at Dean again. “Now, Cas!” He raised his voice.

Castiel nodded at Jack, who quickly picked up the flask, unscrewing it and holding it close to you, letting the lifeforce seep back into your body.

Dean watched helplessly as Sam tightened his hold on your arm.

Your eyes snapped open as you took a deep shuddering breath, coughing. You could still feel the lingering pain from the Empty’s hold on you.

“Y/N!” Sam called out, as you swiveled your eyes towards him, his face hovering above you – your father. Your actual father.

Dean let out a sigh of relief.

“You’re back.” You breathed, smiling at them.

“Are you crazy Y/N? What if this hadn’t worked?” Dean asked, staring straight at you like he did when you used to get in trouble. You looked at Sam whose worried expression was now being replaced with one of slight annoyance.

“But it did.” You stubbornly said. “I’d do it again.”

“You could have gotten yourself killed.” Sam said, causing you to fall back into silence.

You crossed your arms. “The Occultum was never in Hell.”

“We would have told you that if you had waited for us.” Sam said.

You shook your head continuing, “It’s apparently the safest place in the world. And I got the location.” You stared back defiantly at both of them.

“It’s a place?” Dean asked, frowning.

“Yeah.” You said. “Am I still crazy?” You asked, looking between both of them.

“Yes.” They both said in unison.

You rolled your eyes.

“Before we go, we need to talk.” Sam said, his stern voice telling you there was no room for argument.

You sighed and nodded. Sam looked at Dean who nodded at him. “We’ll find a way. Go.”

Sam stalked back towards your room, as you followed close behind.

“What were you going to do if you got stuck there?” Sam asked. “Y/N, I told you to think before you react. Always!” You could hear the genuine worry in his voice.

You didn’t respond immediately, just stepped forward and looped your arms around his torso, hugging him.

“I’m sorry…” You let a beat of silence pass before you said it, “Dad.”

You felt Sam freeze before he pulled away gently so that he could look at you. A small frown crossed his face. “Thought you didn’t like calling us that.”

You shrugged. “I thought you wouldn’t like it.”

You turned away. “I met Ruby.”

The thoughts you had pushed aside earlier were flooding your mind now. Sam and Dean had taken you in without knowing anything, without knowing who you were, where you came from and it was by sheer dumb luck that you had found out that Sam was your father. Your actual father. With that thought, a warmth spread in your chest.

Over the years, you had had your doubts about yourself. Sam always stressed that you were half human and that the human side of you could always choose to do the right thing. But you were never really sure, until now. You now knew why your human side could do the right thing, because your human side had come from Sam.

“Y/N?” Sam asked, you could hear him moving closer.

You turned around to face him. “She told me. About the both of you.” A look of knowing crossed Sam’s face. “That’s where I came from.” You whispered.

A look of shock crossed Sam’s face. “What?”

You frowned a little, trying to read his expression. “You don’t believe her?” You asked.

Sam shook his head. “No, I… I didn’t know.” He paused. “I think I finally understand the connection.” He smiled.

“Ruby wouldn’t lie from where she is. There’s no reason to.” Sam reassured you.

“Even if it’s a lie, is it wrong to want to believe in it?” You asked, dragging your eyes up to Sam’s.

“I believe it.” Sam whispered, bending down to give you a hug.

The one thing you knew for sure was that Sam had seen you as a daughter long before he knew you were his blood. Blood or not, he had loved you and that thought alone brought tears to your eyes.

“I’m glad it was you who found me.” You whispered. “Back then, when I was a baby... I’m glad it was you.”

Sam smiled back at you, affectionately tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Can I call you that?” You asked.

Sam smiled. “You can call me whatever you want.”

You nodded, “Thanks,” Reaching forward for him again, you whispered, “Dad.”

---

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295 notes · View notes

the-rad-pineapple · 3 years

Text

i want u

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Supernatural oneshot: After they found a way to get Cas back from the Empty, things go back to normal between Dean and Cas. Dean thinks he made up the whole love confession thing. It was exactly what he wants to hear. Plus, he’s re-written his own memories before like when he lost Cas in Purgatory all those years ago. It totally makes sense he’d make up a love confession to cope with Cas leaving him again. Dean’s suspicions are confirmed when Cas comes back and doesn’t say anything about it to Dean. And things go back to normal as if it never happened. Because it didn’t.

Words: 2.7k

I’ve been writing angsty stuff for my current WIP, but then I had an angsty day and needed something sweet. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading!

Inspired by Violent by Cummrs

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ao3

fanfiction

wattpad

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Today is one of the best days ever. Sam married Eileen. Dean cried. Multiple times. He ate too much at the reception and got a little tipsy. His best man speech rocked, though. Sam and Eileen left ages ago. They’re having their honeymoon in California. Dean can’t be happier. Everyone left a couple hours after them. The last people to leave were Jody, Claire, Kaia, and Jack.

Now Dean and Cas are sitting against the empty wall of the dirty dance floor. Music is still playing, and it echoes across the empty room, making the moment feel ethereal. Miscellaneous wedding decorations and napkins litter the floor. A lone broken high heel lays near the edge of the dance floor. Dean takes a swig of a champaign bottle and passes it to Cas. Cas doesn’t have his shoes on for some reason. He said it was easier to dance without them or something. He takes a drink from the champaign bottle. His white dress shirt is unbuttoned a few buttons on the top. His suit jacket disappeared hours ago. His hair is messy. He looks so good as a human. Cas hands the bottle back to Dean.

Dean takes it and stares at the empty floor in front of them. “This is the best day ever,” Dean decides. He takes a drink and hands the bottle back to Cas.

Cas hums. “It is one of the best I’ve ever had,” he agrees and takes a long drink.

“Mmhmm.” Dean leans his head against the wall and stares at Cas. The singular white light in the center of the ceiling casts long shadows on Cas’ face, making his face full of dark, sharp angles. It reminds Dean of the Cas he met in a barn over a decade ago. Dean lets the nostalgia wash over him as he stares at his best friend. Cas takes another drink from the champaign bottle and swallows. It’s really distracting, especially when Cas has his shirt unbuttoned like that.

After they found a way to get Cas back from the Empty, things went back to normal between them. Dean thinks he made up the whole love confession thing. It was exactly what he wants to hear. Plus, he’s re-written his own memories before like when he lost Cas in Purgatory all those years ago. It totally makes sense he’d make up a love confession to cope with Cas leaving him again. Dean’s suspicions were confirmed when Cas came back and didn’t say anything about it to Dean. And things went back to normal as if it never happened. Because it didn’t.

And Dean doesn’t really care. It hurt at first, but that was eclipsed by the ecstasy of having Cas back. He’ll take Cas in any way he can get. Angel. Human. Friend. Lover. Anything. Just as long as Cas is here and safe.

Cas hands the bottle back to Dean. Dean finishes it and sets the empty bottle down beside him. They don’t really have a reason to stay here anymore. It’s also getting late. And Dean is tired. They should go back to their hotel. Jody booked everyone a room at the hotel nearby as a wedding gift.

“I don’t want to move,” Cas says.

Dean chuckles. “Me neither.”

A comfortable silence lapses between them. The music is still playing. Dean closes his eyes.

“Dean.”

“Mmm,” Dean answers.

“I don’t want to move, but I also don’t want to sleep here.”

Dean sighs. “Yeah, yeah.” He opens his eyes and looks at Cas again. Cas is staring at him. Dean smiles. “What?”

Cas’ smile turns sad. “Nothing.” He looks away. “I suppose we should stand up now.”

“I suppose.”

Cas sighs and tugs his shoes forward. He slowly puts them on and ties them. Dean watches. Cas’ hands work carefully and precisely. Cas’ hands look soft. He finally stands up and looks down at Dean. He offers Dean a hand. Dean grabs it and stands up. Cas releases Dean’s hand, and Dean wishes he didn’t. Dean doesn’t want this moment to end. He likes being near Cas, and he knows once they get to the hotel, they’ll separate. It’s clingy as shit, but it’s how Dean feels. And he can’t do anything about that, can he?

He used to shove down those thoughts and feelings like they were something toxic. But, over time, he stopped doing that. He’s not exactly sure why. Maybe he’s just getting more comfortable with himself. Maybe he just doesn’t care enough to push them away. Maybe he’s just getting old. Maybe it’s all of those things. Dean doesn’t really know. And he doesn’t really care.

Cas smiles sadly at him again and turns away. Cas does that a lot now. Smile sad. He’s done it ever since he got back from the Empty. Dean thinks Cas misses being an angel.

Dean follows Cas down the short hallway and out into the parking lot. The Impala is the only car left. The summer air is warm and humid. The stars twinkle above them. Dean reaches into his pocket and grabs his keys, already missing today. It was so blissful and happy. Dean’s still adjusting to not feeling completely shitty all the time, let alone happy. It’s nice but also kind of weird.

They both head over to the Impala, and Dean unlocks it. They get inside. Dean turns the radio on to a low volume. The streets are practically empty, and the drive back to the hotel is relaxing. He also enjoys Cas’ presence, even if they’re both too tired to say anything. Just being around Cas makes Dean content.

They pull into the hotel parking lot and get back outside. The night air is peaceful, and Dean stands for a moment to feel it. He’s happy. Really happy. And so is Sam. They somehow did it. Part of Dean is convinced this must be a dream or something.

“Dean?”

Dean turns to look. Cas is standing in front of him, the lights from the hotel outline him. He’s so pretty. “Sorry,” Dean says. “Just don’t want this day to end, you know?”

Cas smiles. This time it isn’t sad. “Me neither.”

An idea pops into Dean’s head. “Wanna watch a movie in my room? We got the fancy tv’s here.”

Cas’ smile grows. “I would like that.”

Dean smiles back. “Awesome.”

----

Dean picks the first action movie he sees. He and Cas are sitting on his bed. Their shoulders are touching. It would take barely any effort for Dean to rest his head on Cas’ shoulder. He doesn’t.

Not even halfway through the movie, Cas starts to fall asleep. It’s selfish, but Dean doesn’t wake him up. He’ll take as many moments as he can with Cas. Besides, Dean will wake him up once the movie is over. But Dean doesn’t count on drifting off himself.

“Dean.”

Dean jerks awake, immediately on alert. He doesn’t have a gun on him, and he goes rigid.

“Dean,” Cas says again, gently.

Dean blinks and blows out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Oh, that’s right. They’re fine. They’re in a hotel. Sam got fucking married today.

Cas continues, “I think we missed the movie.”

Dean chuckles and looks over to him. “Yeah, I think so.”

Cas looks sleepy. His eyes are half open and his hair somehow got messier. His clothes are wrinkled, and he has a dazed smile on his face. He’s gorgeous.

Dean smiles. “You can stay here if you want, sleepyhead.”

Cas lifts his head up from where it was resting against the wall. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not. You never are.”

Cas smiles at him again. But it’s one of the sad ones. “Thank you, Dean.”

“You’re welcome.” They stare at each other. The longer it gets, the more awkward it is, but Dean can’t look away. To break the silence, he says, “I can take the couch.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.”

They stare at each other again, but Dean is too tired to care. He closes his eyes.

A few moments pass before Cas says, “We can share the bed if you’re comfortable with that.”

Dean cracks his eyes open. “Yeah, okay.” He ignores how his heart jumps in excitement. They’re not even going to do anything, and he’s elated. Dean kicks off his shoes and automatically starts unbuckling his pants and freezes. “Is it okay if I don’t have pants on?” He glances at Cas.

Cas is already halfway under the covers. His eyes flick over Dean’s body. It’s so fast that Dean thinks he makes it up. “Yes, that’s fine,” Cas answers.

The mental image of Cas checking him out—real or not—makes Dean blush, and he quickly looks away and finishes taking his pants off. He shuts down every dirty thought he gets in the process; it’s easier than it usually is since he’s so damn tired.

Dean turns to Cas, and Cas is definitely staring at his bare legs this time. “Can I turn the light off?” Dean asks.

Cas’ eyes snap up to meet Dean’s. “Um, yes.” His cheeks turn pink.

Dean stares for a second and then realizes he’s probably making things worse by staring and quickly looks away at the lamp on his bedside table. He hits the switch and slides underneath the covers. He can feel Cas’ body heat next to him and forgets how to breathe. The temptation of having the one thing he wants most in the universe right next to him is too much. He’s tense and as close to the edge of the bed as he can be without falling off. Dean is wide awake now. He doubts he’ll get a wink of sleep.

Cas shifts beside him, and Dean nearly jumps out of his skin. Thankfully, Cas doesn’t seem to notice. Cas’ breathing evens out. Dean closes his eyes and focuses on the sound. He wants this so fucking bad it hurts. He squeezes his eyes shut harder when he feels the pin-prickle of tears forming. He won’t cry. Not on a good day like today. He spent way too many nights drinking and crying himself to sleep when he thought Cas was dead forever. He won’t do that when he has Cas literally right next to him. Dean swallows down the lump forming in his throat. As sleep tugs at his mind and consciousness begins to fade, he can’t help but think, I love you. I love you so fucking much. I think it’s killing me.

----

Dean wakes up, and he can’t remember where he is. He knows it isn’t the bunker. He feels a body next to him. He’s not even fully awake, and he can’t bring himself to remember who he’s in bed with. Damn. It’s been a while since he’s had a one-night stand. Loneliness stabs him in the chest, and he shifts towards the warmth of the person beside him. He reaches on arm out, and touches their back. He snakes a hand around their waist and pulls himself against them. Dean feels them begin to stir.

“Shh, go to sleep,” he murmurs.

That seems satisfactory, and they relax. They interlace their fingers with the hand Dean has draped over their waist. Dean pulls them closer. He’s so fucking needy and lonely. He wishes he was holding Cas. He pretends he is.

----

Dean’s pillow feels weird. It’s lumpy but soft. It’s very warm. It also smells like Cas. Which is also weird. Why does his pillow smell like Cas? Cas is dead. But, no. No. Cas is alive. He has been for months now. Dean just forgets when he wakes up sometimes.

Dean keeps his eyes closed as he rests. Any second he’s not fully awake is a good one. Dean then realizes his pillow has a heartbeat. Dean’s pillow might not be a pillow. He’s lying on someone. Someone who smells like Cas.

Dean’s heartrate spikes, and he jerks his head up.

Cas blinks up at him. “Are you alright?” Cas asks, his voice deep with sleep. Well, deeper than usual.

“Yes,” Dean says. “I just forgot you’re alive.”

Cas blinks again. “Oh.” He reaches up with one hand and cups Dean’s face. “Well, I’m alive.”

Dean smiles. “Yeah, I noticed.”

Cas smiles back. It’s the brightest smile Dean’s seen on him since he’s been back. But then it turns sad. Like it always does. Cas starts to pull his hand away, but Dean quickly grabs it. He’s not entirely sure what he’s doing; he’s still not even fully awake. Dean closes his eyes and leans further into Cas’ touch, keeping his hand on Cas’. He doesn’t want Cas to move away.

Cas’ breath hitches. “Dean,” he begins.

And Dean can tell by Cas’ tone that he is going to tell Dean to let go or something. Dean doesn’t want that. “Shh,” Dean says.

“Dean,” Cas says more firmly and tugs on his hand. Dean doesn’t let go. “Don’t do this.”

Dean opens his eyes. Cas’ smile is gone, and all the sadness has moved to his eyes. “Do what?” Dean asks.

“I know you’re doing this just because of what I told you before the Empty took me.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t feel obligated to…to sleep in the same bed as me or hold my hand like this just because I love you.”

“What?”

The hurt in Cas’ eyes throws Dean off so much that Cas manages to snatch his hand back.

Dean stares. Then swallows. “I thought I made that up,” Dean whispers.

“Made what up?”

“That you—that you…” Dean swallows again. Why is his mouth so dry? “That you lo—” His voice cracks. He furiously blinks back tears. “You said that, right?”

“You don’t remember?”

Dean shakes his head. “No, I do, I just…I thought I made that up. Because I—I want…” He licks his lips. “I want you.”

Cas stares at him with wide eyes.

Dean’s blood runs cold. “Wait, am I completely misinterpreting this, oh my god, Cas, I’m so sor—”

“You want me?” Cas is still staring. His eyes still wide with disbelief.

Dean’s already gone this far. There’s no turning back now. Might as well tell Cas everything. “You’re all I ever wanted.”

Cas shakes his head. “You’re just saying that.”

“Absolutely not!” Dean is just as surprised at his outburst as Cas is. He takes a deep breath before continuing, much calmer this time, “Cas, I have a hard time saying, ‘I love you’ to Sam. Why would I ever say that to you unless I completely mean it?”

“You didn’t say, ‘I love you,’” Cas tells him. “You said, ‘I want you.’ There’s a difference.”

That stubborn motherfucker. But Dean can be stubborn right back. This will show him! “Well, I love you. So there,” Dean states, staring at Cas to challenge him on that.

“Oh…” Cas’ gaze becomes distant.

“Yeah, not so fun being on the receiving end of a love confession, is it?”

Cas is unresponsive.

Uh, oh. Dean cups his face with one of his hands. “Cas, buddy, look at me.”

Cas’ eyes finally focus on Dean. “Y-yes?”

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Yes,” Cas repeats.

Dean leans in and gently presses his lips against Cas’. There’s a moment where neither of them move, as if what they’re doing isn’t real, but then Cas’ mouth opens up under Dean’s, and Dean moves in closer. He still has one hand on Cas’ face and moves it back to tangle in his hair. Dean allows himself to get lost in the kiss. It’s slow and gentle and even better than anything he dreamed a kiss could ever be. It’s all Cas, Cas, and more Cas, and Dean’s heart is soaring. He pulls back just far enough to whisper, “I love you so much.” before kissing Cas again, a little more desperately this time.

Dean isn’t quite sure how long they do this; kiss each other stupid with their bodies pressed into each other, but he treasures every second of it.

This day is somehow even better than yesterday. And, who knows? Tomorrow might even be better than today. But one thing Dean knows for sure is that they have all the time in the world, and he’s not going to waste a single minute.

#supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #fix-it fic #post-canon #angst #pining #first kiss #sharing a bed #happy ending #writing #ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #wattpad

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teamfreewill2pointo · 3 years

Text

Transcript of End of the Road Special

Transcript of End of the Road Special.

Please let me know if I made any errors in transcription. Twitter version Family Don’t End with Blood Transcription Winchester Mythology Transcription

Dabb: Ultimately, we came up with something that we're all very proud of Singer: You never know what the audience is going to like so we really tried to say "what would make us happy? Would we be satisfied with where we've taken them?"

The Carry On song was a guideline.

Singer: The myth of what these brothers were throughout 15 years... We didn't shy away from fatalism, but we wanted to be able to have it be kinda uplifting as well.

Dabb: If you're going to do something that feels like a complete arc, you have to kinda go back to the beginning of it (clips of them hunting vamps from s1 & 15.20) When it comes to Sam & Dean- it's all about getting back to, in some ways, these two guys on the road in this car.

Dabb: They've been doing this job for 15 years now. They've fought everyone from demons to vampires to God himself, but at the end of the day, they're still working guys, out there on the road & taking cases. We've tried to never lose sight of that.

Dabb: There are times when we've been wrapped up in our own mythology a little bit. We've always tried to get back to the basics, which are: these two guys, saving people, hunting things.

Eugenie: I think we sort of knew generally what the ending would involve.

Eugenie: We might not have known the mechanics, but we sort of knew there would be a victorious, glorious sacrificial ending bc I think sacrifice is a big theme in the series.

For every great thing you do, a cost must be paid.

Singer: Andrew & I talked about it. We were in agreement pretty quickly... talked to the rest of the writing staff & let them know what we wanted to do and we were open to suggestions. And then we pretty much pitched it to Jared and Jensen.

Jensen talks about flying to LA. Jensen: So before we ever even started 15, we knew how the last portion of the story was going to go. We didn't know how we were going to get there, but we kinda knew the final- the finish line- we knew what... what that was going to look like.

Jared: I don't think there's ever been a season of SPN in 15 years where the way the writers thought the show would play out for that season- ended up being the way it played out And so we were aware of that. They told us here's what we're thinking, here's what happens to Castiel

Jared: In the finale, Dean dies & Sam lives on. And then we think they're going to meet up in heaven.

I remember Jensen... just because I know him so well- he seemed to bristle a little bit.

Jensen: It was hard to hear then & it was hard to read now. Not because I didn't like it, not because I wished it had gone differently... I'm not adverse to it. I think it's a great ending. I'm proud to film it.

Singer: And we just aimed for that, you know, throughout the season. We knew where we were going.

Jensen: Reading it & knowing that... there's just a weight that is so much larger reading these scripts than I've ever experienced before.

There's an emotional weight that these scripts are going to carry & these episodes are going to have that I don't think we've ever seen before.

Brad: [J2] were so young when all of this started. They brought to it such conviction & such commitment to the effort.

That's one of the things that kept the show going for so many years... a show that was designed for very young guys, footloose & fancy free, & on the road…

Brad: To see these guys grow up b4 your eyes into- men, not boys any longer- was amazing.

BABY Jared: Though the story does involve Sam & Dean chasing supernatural things, it really is a story about two brothers that love each other & ultimately will do anything for each other.

Jensen: There's really one person that gets it on the level that I get it, and that's Jared. Jared: I've never spent as much time with another human being as I have with Jensen Ackles. He will be my friend and brother forever. And I know that.

BABY Jensen: There's a lot of dynamics between the two brothers, there's a lot of history between them, there's a lot of banter between them... it's good stuff S15 Jensen: We had a partner in crime & we leaned on each other for, you know, for times when it was tough.

Jensen: But we also won together. We got to share the experience of success & the experience of getting picked up for another season. Watching these two characters go through what they're going through, when we're working 14 hours & it's 2-3 o’clock on a Sat morning and we're just now finishing filming out in the rain and mud and we gotta race to the airport to get on a plane because we've got a photoshoot in LA & we've gotta do on camera interviews and we gotta promote the show that we love so much that we were just in the mud & the rain filming hours before we're exhausted and it's like there's only one person that gets that right now. That gets how I feel and that's this guy standing next to me. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool to have somebody like that.

Brad: We knew it was going to be impossible to tie up every aspect of all of the cans of worms that we opened up.

We did want to bring a proper ending to the guys, the guy's relationship.

Brad: Then of course we had this huge corner we painted ourselves into with the most powerful thing in the universe being the big bad of the season. We try and find a proper send off for Jack & for Cas. What to do w/ the boys & is that a together farewell or an individual?

It was just... lots of moving parts.

Dabb: I give a lot of credit to Bobo who really was the one who started banging the drum early & often to ending the mythology in 19 and end the characters in 20.

Brad: You're battling God & battling God & you have this epic situation going on through the first 3/4 of the show & then what? You send off Dean in act 4? That just felt wrong. Eugenie: We had this obligation, it was really mandatory, that we tie up the mythic narrative and leave the final episode for the emotional resolution. I [was] more on the side of not wanting to best God. To have God change to be more like his creations. So there were philosophical arguments, but we always knew God's resolution was going to be a big ticket item.

Jensen: We'd started day 1 of the 2nd to last episode, 19. We were 1 day down on that episode & we were just about to start our 2nd day & we got the call that morning that we were not going to be coming in that day.

Jensen: So we figured ok, we'll figure out protocol, figure out what we need to do, & we'll just regroup, come back on Monday. As that day progressed, it was like- this looks like more of an apocalypse that is ascending upon us than just a bad cold.

They pulled the plug & they said everybody go home.

Singer: Fortunately, we got assurance from both the studio & the network that one way or another we were gonna finish the series. That was comforting to us, but we didn't know when we were going to go back.

Eugenie: We didn't know what we were going back to... if this was the last time we would ever see the set. There was no plan. It was just get out of dodge. Dabb: When it first happened, we thought it would be a couple of weeks, maybe a month.

I had conversations w/WB where they expected everyone to be back shooting in June & then things got worse & pushed & pushed.

Eugenie: Slowly as we settled into that 4 or 5 month period, discussions were going on w/the studio, & the networks, & the actors. We knew there would be restrictions on what we were allowed to shoot, but finally, the mechanics were figured out.

Singer: So they were ready to go pretty quickly, shooting in Van, where covid wasn't quite as virulent as it was [in LA].

Dabb: We were one of the first shows, one of the first WB shows to start back up. So in a way, we were kinda a guinea pig. But, in being that, I think everyone took it really seriously. We had 0 positive tests. Crew members weren't going out on the weekends.

They were like look, if I get sick, it hurts the whole show. That speaks to the family culture up there, where we've had so much of our crew for so long. Where J2 & Singer provide such great leadership.

Singer: When I was in prep for 20, I was basically in the office but couldn't go to the set. It was very odd for me not to be able to go to the set while I was in prep.

Everybody just hung in there & did what they were supposed to do.

Brad: Then we were faced with the dilemma of having to rewrite a lot of the stuff bc of the pandemic bc of the limitations that we knew were going to come on the production.

Jensen: We were gearing up for, not only the end of that season, but the end of the series. There was a lot of big, big things written-packed- into those last two scripts.

Jared: At first, it was supposed to be a lot of our old cast from prior seasons in a Roadhouse with Kansas.

Everybody had already agreed. Kansas was going to be in Van. We were going to have dad there & mom there. Just probably 20 or 30 different actors & actresses who had been a part of the SPN's canon over the last 15 & a half years.

Jensen: It was scheduled to be the last day that we were going to film, so it was almost like rolling right into a nice wrap party on camera.

Brad: The idea of flying a boatload of ppl up there to quarantine for 2 weeks so they could shoot for a day was making less & less sense.

Eugenie: How do we make this work? And while you're doing that, you also don't want to sacrifice the heart and soul of the project.

So we came up with a reduced, much more intimate ending. It has been replaced by something equally magical & rewarding.

Singer: I felt an enormous responsibility in directing the finale of a show that's been on for 15 years. Andrew, when he saw the cut, he said some really nice things to me as to, you know, the way I handled the material.

Jensen: The scenes that were filmed on our last day on the sound stages were filled with the most emotion of the final episode.

Singer: One of the really hard things was we're on another stage that wasn't the MoL stage & they started wrecking the MoL sets

They'd been working on this set and been apart of this- this family for just as long if not longer than the set's been around. I was like "it's really sad seeing this get taken down" and the other guy said, "I'm trying to hold back tears while I'm swinging this hammer."

Jared: As we start saying goodbye to characters, to locations, like it just seems like every day you would wake up and there would be some reason to cry.

Misha: This is a show ultimately about love, & empathy, & caring, & I think that Castiel embodies that.

Misha: Half the crew was crying. It was really such a sweet, supporting environment to be in for the demise of a character that, of course, for me is really important.

But it was so lovely to see that, you know, the folks that I'm- I'm working with were also there for Cas at that moment.

Alex: To get to work with these caliber people & see your friends every day is really special & is not something that often happens in this business for this long. It's been definitely a topsy turvy last couple weeks here with us and the crew.

Jared: Friday of the final full week was the big scene in the barn with the vampires where Dean suffers his fate. They did the first two days with the entire stunt team & the young boy actors.

And then they cut it for Thursday night and they're like, okay, Friday, tomorrow, we’re starting the dialogue. Dean, you're on the post. Sam, you just cut off the last vampire's head.

That was the scene- that was where Supernatural was really encapsulated.

Jensen: And then the next week we kind of had this- on the road encore get together filmmaking scenario that felt more like we made it & it was more pats on the back as opposed to tearful goodbyes.

Dabb: In a weird way you can look at the 15 seasons is like Sam & Dean's emotional evolution. You know instead of therapy, they kill vampires, but other than that it's kind of the same & brings them both to a very good place. And a place where they can, as the song says, you know, lay their weary head to rest.

This felt like the most honest & emotionally fulfilling episode for these characters to us. Jared: I got thinking about how Supernatural started & how the majority of times how I thought it should end. It started with Sam & Dean Winchester. I think it's proper that it ended with Sam & Dean Winchester together again.

Jensen: When the cameras stop rolling & Bob yelled, “Cut!” and Bob yelled, “That’s a series wrap on Supernatural.” There was- a there was a loud cheer that echoed through that canyon we were filming in. I will- I will happily say that there were hugs that happened and that needed to happen. Those are people that I spent not just years with, but so much time with- it's like brothers in arms and so to put it to bed the way that we did felt really good and then felt good to hug some people, I'll tell you that much. Singer: I thanked everyone, but I wanted to really thank people who had been with us from the beginning and as I looked around, there were so many people who had been there from the beginning.

We really were a family. I always say about this show is one of the reasons that it was a success and is that it was not only about the Winchester family, but it was about the Supernatural family.

Jared: So now that's all said and done, I guess I can look back at it and just be proud that I helped this show carry on and I'm really proud of the blood, sweat, and tears that I put in, and I feel like- I feel like that sacrifice was also maybe one of the things I learned from Sam, you know? Sam had to sacrifice a lot. So, I'm honored and flattered and grateful that I got to be a part of that journey.

Dabb: You're never going to have another show like this. You're never gonna have another experience like this. For a lot of different reasons, from how long it ran, from the family that the show became, from the amazing fans that we have. [Footage of us] From the emotional investment people can put in over 15 years of their lives.

Some started watching this when they were in high school, when they were 15, they're 30 now, they might have kids. That's their- that's like half their life. They've been with this show. You're not gonna have that again. Shows just aren’t gonna run this long, especially genre shows, but I don't know that I'm ever gonna do anything else in my career that I'm gonna be more proud of than having been involved in this show.

Jared: The things that stick out are just how important it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And keep on working and wake up every day and treat it like it could be your last and- and if you make it out the other side, you'll be happy and proud of what you did.

Jensen: The crew had packed up, they had cleared the bridge, and they were all starting to, you know, load their trucks and get moving. And Jared and I just kind of hung back, and we just took a moment. I looked at him and I said, “I’m proud of us, man. I'm proud of what we've done.”

We know that that's the collective we, that is everyone that is involved, that is- you know from the top down. You know, for our portion, for what we contributed to this monster of the show, he and I reflected on that, and still able to see and smell the roses.

#supernatural #spn #spnfamily #spn family #spn 15.20 #spn s15 #spn s15 spoilers #carry on #spn finale #spn spoilers #sam winchester #dean winchester #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #brotherlylove #sam&dean #brothers man #bts #actor opinions

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forthiswholeworld · 4 years

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for @cursed-or-not because we’re thriving on each other’s clownery (page break bc this got Too Long to inflict on unsuspecting dashes)

They’ve had Cas back for four days when Dean realizes something is wrong.

For a paralyzing moment, he stumbles on the thought, feels the fear of it choking him as he freezes in the doorway with a mug of coffee in his hand. He watches Cas blink dazedly at Sam’s debriefing on the rugaru in San Antonio and wills himself forward, wills his mind not to go straight to darkness and loss and cosmic consequences. Cas flashes a ragged smile as Dean sets the mug in front of him, and it occurs to Dean that maybe this is less about cosmic consequences than it is humanity.

Now that Dean thinks about it, he can see it: the circles under his eyes, the weary slope of his back-- the things Dean had attributed to resurrection rather than humanity.

Cas is human, though, and Dean thinks he needs to remember that before he remembers that he was gone.

Cas needs food and laundry detergent and coffee and sleep, and now that he thinks about it Dean is absolutely sure he hasn’t seen Cas touch his bed since he got back.

He doesn’t bring it up; they’ve been here before. They’ve come back and kept secrets and spent sleepless nights trying to fix things before, and heart-to-hearts have never gotten them anywhere.

Instead, Dean drinks three pots of coffee and waits.

It’s 2:07 AM when he hears the echo of footsteps in the hallway. He swings open the door and tries to look like he hasn’t been waiting in ambush as Cas freezes.

“Dean,” he says, voice rough and a little frantic, and Dean is reminded of the days he’d wake up to Cas blithely watching him from the foot of his bed. (The days when Heaven filled the space between them and Dean didn't understand the difference between being a human and being human.)

He watches Cas’ eyes flit away from his gaze and smiles brazenly. “Trouble sleeping?”

Cas shifts on his feet. “No,” he says like he’s not the worst liar in the entire multiverse.

Dean holds his gaze for another beat before breathing a sigh. “Cas.” He settles back against the doorframe to scrutinize him. “What’s up?”

Cas swallows. His eyes trace a scuff on the floor. “It gets so quiet here at night,” he mutters, and Dean understands.

He works his jaw as he realizes. He thinks he should’ve recognized the signs. He should’ve seen the tired eyes and haunted glances and known then, because Dean doesn’t know what it’s like to come back from nothingness, but he knows what it’s like to close his eyes and see hell.

He watches Cas’s gaze flit from the floor to the wall behind him and settle just above Dean’s left shoulder, and he’s not consciously aware of deciding anything but he’s inhaling to say something, and he guesses it better be good because there’s not a whole lot he can say to heal emptiness.

“Sleep in my room,” he says, and he’s not sure which of them it surprises more.

“Dean—” Cas starts, and Dean knows he’s going to refuse, but there’s a millisecond where his gaze catches on Cas’s and there’s something heavy in the space between them, and Dean knows what it is but he’s always refused to put a name to it.

Cas swallows as he looks away. “As long as you don’t mind,” he says, and Dean also tears his gaze away before he can do something dumb like consider the vulnerability of it.

“Come on then,” he mutters as he heads back into his room. “You can take the bed.”

“Dean—” Cas protests like Dean knew he would, and Dean narrowly avoids rolling his eyes.

“We’ll both take it then,” he says before he can ponder the sheer idiocy of it.

Cas hesitates beside the bed, but Dean thinks he must be either too tired or too apathetic to argue, because he swallows and steps forward.

Cas is careful as he pulls back the comforter and settles in; he’s careful not to take too much blanket or too much space, and they both lie stiffly on their respective sides of the bed until Dean decides he can’t take it anymore and clears his throat a little obnoxiously. He hears Cas huff a laugh.

“You said it was too quiet,” Dean says softly, and he’s grateful for the darkness because he thinks he’s wearing a damningly fond expression.

He thinks he feels Cas relax as he mutters, “that’s on me, then.”

The stillness doesn’t feel so stifling after that, and he hears Cas’s breathing start to even out.

He can feel the thrum of caffeine in his veins as he watches the ceiling. Even in the dark, he can see the outline of the ceiling fan, the trimming on the wall, the chair in the corner. He can hear Cas’s breathing, feel the warmth in the space between them, and he realizes he has no idea what emptiness is. He wonders how long it’s been since Cas closed his eyes without seeing it.

He lies awake for the next three hours, but the rise and fall of Cas’s chest is steady and even beside him, so the caffeine overdose is a small price to pay. There are no windows in his room, but if there were he’d be able to see the first hazy traces of sunrise filtering in by the time he starts to drift off.

Cas is gone when he wakes up.

He staggers out of his room just before noon, and Cas doesn’t quite meet his eye as he wordlessly hands him a plate of pancakes, courtesy of Sam and Eileen, but Dean thinks the circles under his eyes look a little less absurd, and it’s enough.

The next night, Dean leaves his door open.

He isn’t sure what he’s expecting, but 11:00 rolls around and he’s just getting ready to turn out the lights when he hears a tentative knock at the doorframe. He looks up to see Cas in the doorway.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Cas mumbles, and something about his awkward stance and fragile uncertainty makes Dean’s chest ache.

He thinks this is where he becomes brash; this is where he scoffs a laugh and brushes off this heaviness like neither of their shoulders are bowed under the weight of what-ifs. This is where he flees back to the safe side of the lines they’ve drawn.

He swallows. “You wanna come in?”

Cas stills. “I--” his eyes flit to Dean and then away in a millisecond. “No. I just--”

“Cas,” Dean interrupts, and he guesses he’s being reckless instead of brash and can’t say whether it’s for the best but he can feel the thrill of it in his veins. “Get in here.”

Cas watches him for half a beat, probably just as surprised as Dean is that he’s managed not to be a defensive asshole about this, and then he swallows. “Thank you.”

Dean thinks he absolutely doesn’t deserve a thank you, but Cas shuffles in and hesitates at the side of the bed and before he can say as much he’s pulling the comforter aside to make room.

Dean falls asleep earlier tonight; he thinks it has something to do with not being hyped up on three pots of coffee and the thrill of reckless, stupid ideas. He’s not sure when Cas nodded off, but he wakes up at 3:42 to the sound of gasping, panicked breathing.

“Cas?” He asks with a sleep-worn voice but he’s halfway across the bed, reaching for Cas’s shoulder before he can get a response or take half a second to consider how horrible an idea this is.

“Dean,” Cas breathes, and Dean isn’t sure if it’s a question or an answer or a prayer but Cas’s breath mingles with his as he says it and something in the fragile space between them finally shatters as Cas leans into the touch.

Dean pulls him into his chest, holds him there and tries not to let the ache of it convince him he’s going to regret this.

Cas clutches the back of Dean’s shirt like it’s all that’s keeping him tethered to this world where things are allowed to make noise and wake up and see light, and Dean rests his palms against Cas’s shoulders and wishes he had the words to promise he’s holding on just as tight.

Dean isn’t sure how long it is, whether it’s two minutes or three hours or an eternity, but Cas’s grip on his shirt loosens, and he breathes less stuttered exhales, and he rests his chin somewhere in the crook of Dean’s shoulder and closes his eyes.

Dean leans slowly back against the headrest and thinks he’s never been very good at this.

The intimacy of it is familiar—the weight of an arm over his stomach, the heady tangle of limbs, the needy warmth— that’s always come naturally to him. It’s the tenderness that gets him. It’s the brush of Cas’ breath against his neck, the softness of ten years of fear and loss and a word that Dean can’t say as easily as he should. It’s the ache where the rhythm of his pulse screams something between I want this forever and I’m so afraid.

Cas is gone when he wakes up.

Cas is gone, and Dean’s arm is stiff and he wonders if it will ever be enough just to hold an angel haunted by empty nights.

That night, he tells himself he isn't waiting for the knock.

He tells himself he’s not waiting, but he hears the shuffle of bare feet in the hall and a single rap at the door and a millisecond later he’s swinging it open.

Tonight, there’s no apologetic hesitance or fumbling for words.

There’s Cas, standing plainly in the doorway and there’s Dean, dropping his hand from the doorknob and standing too close. There’s the tilt of Cas’s head as he searches Dean’s face for something Dean knows with terrified certainty he’ll find, and there’s Dean’s gaze flitting to his mouth for a stupid, breathless moment. There’s the part of Cas’s lips and the desperate beating of Dean’s heart, the distant electric buzz of the lights and the hitch of his breath as Cas leans forward—

There’s the cluttered breath and scrape of teeth as their mouths crash together.

His lungs stutter on the drag of stubble and chapped lips and tired warmth, and because he never thought he’d be allowed to, he pulls Cas in, clutches the front of his shirt and crowds him up against the doorway until they’re pressed together and they can both feel the desperate rhythm of his pulse. Cas’s fingers ghost over his jaw and something in Dean is absolutely dizzy with the realness of it.

He doesn’t know how long it is before Cas breaks away but he feels ready to shatter.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Cas says, and Dean breathes a ragged laugh into his shoulder.

There are still things he can’t say, words that form in his chest sit and like a lump in his throat and will probably stay unsaid for just a little while longer, but he lets his arms circle Cas’ waist and murmurs “sleep in here, then,” and he has to bury his face in the crook of Cas’ neck to hide a stupidly fond smile.

Cas breathes a soft “thank you” against his temple as Dean pulls him toward the bed, and Dean can hear the worn tiredness in his voice and thinks that might be all there is for a while but for the first time in their lives they have time, and it’s enough.

It’s enough, he thinks, and he pulls Cas against his chest and holds onto him until there’s no empty space between them.

#supernatural fanfic #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #s15 #the empty #bed sharing #i'm the most basic person alive and i just want them to be happy sue me!!#spn #fanfic #idek if this is gonna show up on mobile bc it's Too Long but go off!!#my writing #rambling

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talesmaniac89 · 4 years

Text

Choices - The Beginning

Pairing: Dean x Reader OR Sam x Reader

Summary: Choices is an interactive Supernatural choose your own adventure story where your choices determine the outcome. You go on a hunt with the two Winchester brothers, one of whom you love. You decide who your Winchester is and what happens along the way. Each part is a fully independently written section and no parts are copies of others, so the story can be read a full 8 different ways with 15 parts in total and 8 endings!

Total word count: 45k+ words (over 15 parts)

Triggers: Dark, torture, reader death, angst, loss, pain, blood, serious injuries, heartbreak, implied possible major character death, fear of abandonment, loneliness, hostage situation, gore (series levels blood, torture and fatal injuries)

Triggers depend on your choices, so if you are easily upset by any of the above please proceed with caution.

[Your Story Starts Here] - You’ll be asked to make your first choice at the bottom of this chapter.

Y/N = Your Name

---

“(Y/N)! Get a move on!”

Dean’s deep voice echoed down the hallway just as you shouldered your duffle bag with a roll of your eyes. It hadn't even been 10 minutes since the call for help had come in. If it wasn’t for the fact that you’d been busy cleaning your guns when the call came, you would’ve already been out there in the library with them, ready to go. It wasn’t as if you’d been standing around fussing over which ratty t-shirt to pack for an hour.

“On my way!” You shouted back, grimacing as the heightened volume easily erased the annoyance you’d wanted to subtly lace each word with. Throwing another quick look around your room in the Men of Letters bunker you sighed at the mess.

T-shirts and jeans were everywhere, as you’d pulled out everything to quickly stuff a few items in your overnight bag just in case the hunt took longer than planned. Not to mention the cleaning supplies you’d left abandoned on the floor from where you’d been sitting cross-legged polishing your favourite revolver.

It would all have to wait till you got back. Even though you knew you’d regret it once you made it back, bruised and stiff from the fight and the subsequent ride back in the Impala. Having to clean your room before you could fall into your bed feeling sorry for your aching bones was never fun.

Yet, sticking to a decision you knew you’d come to regret; you got a move on before Dean could call out for you again. Swiping up your phone, you hurried out into the hallway and nearly ran straight into Sam as he came barrelling out of his own room.

“Dean?” He asked, his hazel eyes meeting yours with a raised eyebrow a clear sign that your annoyance at being rushed was showing on your features. Though it didn’t matter, since the youngest Winchester clearly shared your irritation as he threw you a glance, underscored by an eye roll that put yours to shame.

“Yeah… Dean,” You said with a sigh as you lifted the straps of the duffle bag off of your shoulder. Attempting to bring some blood flow back into your arm from the heavy load of guns, knives, holy water and other goodies. As well as the clothes thrown in for good measure.

“Let’s not keep our oh so righteous leader waiting then. C’mon (Y/N),” Sam smirked, teasing a small smile out of you as well. Before quickly reaching down and effortlessly snatching your duffle bag from your hands and hurrying down the hallway. If it wasn’t for your relief of having the bag off of your shoulders you would have stopped him. Reminded him that you could easily kick his ass if you went one on one.

But, you knew that there were no hidden meanings in Sam’s gesture. He was just trying to be helpful.

You’d realised quite quickly after getting to know him that one of the things the youngest Winchester feared more than anything else was being abandoned; seen as useless or a burden and left standing in the dust. The shadows of his childhood fears were still clinging to him, little tendrils that he’d never managed to shake. Old fears from a youth spent in constant worry that his father would just drop him off somewhere and drive off without ever coming back. That, coupled with the many lost friends, lovers and hunters that had left him, willingly or unwillingly, made him try twice as hard at being of use to those he loved, every step of the way. From small kind gestures, like carrying your bag, to willingly offering himself up as a sacrifice to the big baddies of the world, in hopes of rescuing Dean, Cas, and now you.

Rolling your shoulders to shake off the rest of the strain from the bag, you pocketed your phone before hurrying after Sam down the hallway. No point in being grumpy when there were bad guys to gank. And neither of the two men in your life deserved your grumbled dissatisfaction. Both the bag and Dean’s insistence of getting on the road as fast as possible were just their own little ways of showing they cared.

Sam was just trying to be helpful and Dean was always worried about losing another civilian by being just a second too late. And you loved them both for it. After all, one was your best friend in the whole world, while the other already secretly had your heart. Though you’d never found the courage to tell him you slipped it into his hands when he wasn’t looking.

“(Y/N)!” Dean’s voice echoed down the hallway, pulling you out of your thoughts and back into your grumbled exasperation aimed at the oldest hunter. Ok… So maybe you’d allow yourself to be a tiny big grumpy until there were baddies in front of you to take it out on.

“I said I’m on my way!” You called back in a huff. Casting a quick glance at your closed bedroom door before quickly running to join the boys. Hopefully the bruises yet to come from the hunt wouldn’t make you regret your decision to leave the mess behind.

---

“So where are we headed, exactly?” You asked after about an hour’s drive and a quick case briefing from Dean. Leaning between the seats from the backseat of the Impala in a way that had Sam throwing worried glances your way for your lax seat-belt etiquette.

“There’s a farmhouse, just 40 clicks away now, shouldn’t take long,” Dean’s voice had taken on that steely hardness it got whenever things got serious. And though the case was nothing out of the ordinary for the Winchesters and you, there had already been two reported deaths.

Which also meant that Dean had already added their names and faces to his list of sins to carry. People he could have saved if he could have somehow seen into the future. The oldest Winchester always etched the names of every lost soul into his big heart, burying them there among the many ‘should haves’ and ‘what ifs’ that weighed his broad shoulders down. He was a good leader, and a great hunter, but sometimes he cared a little too deeply. Leaving him hurt no matter how well a hunt went.

“... And put on your seatbelt (Y/N),”

“Yeah, yeah,”

… And sometimes he treated you like a little kid. The thought teased a wry sigh out of you. Quickly reaching out, you turned up the volume of the Led Zeppelin song that was playing, a small act of rebellion, before leaning back in your seat. Smiling innocently as Dean’s green eyes met yours in the rear-view mirror, his attempt at exasperation softened by the way his eyes crinkled in a smile.

No matter how hard as steel the hunter tried to act, he always had a soft spot for Sam and you. To Dean, his feelings were cracks in his armour. They were the blind spots his father had told him about when teaching him to ‘always watch his back’. Yet, the man was more deserving of a family, of love, than anyone else you knew. And so, Sammy and you watched his back instead. Where he watched yours. Both of you determined for the older hunter to see you as strengths, not weaknesses.

Soldiers, shoulder by shoulder.

And, though Dean would constantly complain... You knew he was secretly happy the two of you stuck around; silently terrified of the loneliness he always tried to force onto himself by pushing others away. No matter how loudly his father’s words echoed in his mind and tried to tell him he was leaving himself vulnerable.

Letting Black Dog be your soundtrack, you watched the two most important people in your world from the backseat of the Impala. The Winchester brothers; both carrying scars from the family business they’d fallen into after their mother’s death. Each fearing abandonment and hurt in their own bruised and broken way. Both forced to give up any dream of apple pie to make the world a better place. Children turned soldiers turned martyrs, shaped into a sacrifice by a world that turned a blind eye to their suffering. Which was why you had promised yourself that you would try your damndest to give them a home, and that you would never run away from your life with them.

Even if a certain hunter sometimes made that a hard promise to keep, as every friendly jab broke your heart at the clearly unrequited love you harboured.

You sighed internally as you cast a careful glance in the direction of the man you’d come to love as more than just a hunting buddy or a friend, more than anything really, over the last year and a half of hunting with him. He’d probably be heartbroken to know he was hurting you, which was why you could never tell him how you felt. How your heart and body reacted, as if by reflex, whenever he was around.

Anything he did, from the smallest smile to the feel of his eyes on you, set your body on fire. In a manner not so different to what Robert Plant was promising he’d do to you as Black Dog blared over the Impala’s speaker system. And fuck if you didn’t want to echo the great artist himself and ask the man in front of you to do some not so innocent things to you whenever your eyes strayed to lips that you’d rather have on you than rambling on as they currently were about the case.

“Right… So, to make sure we’re ready…”

---

Make your choice below to move the story along:

The man you love is speaking - who is he?

[Dean Winchester] or [Sam Winchester]

---

Tags:

Dean Winchester Stories: @ria132love @woodworthti666 @defenderrosetyler @akshi8278

Forever Tags: @deanwanddamons @winchest09 @hobby27 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sea040561

Choices Tags: @deanwinchesterswitch @maddiepants @adoptdontshoppets @foxyjwls007 @mandalou29 @tiki-tay @inked-poet @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @rhysmybaby @heyyy-hey-babyyy @mellilla-rose @queenoftheunderdark @imaginationisgrowth @almostelegantfire @alwaysdreamingforthebest @mydelusionalworld-7 @fatalcrossbow @backseat-of-deans-67chevy @wearesuchstuff1 @amotleyworld @impala-20 @sandlee44 @ksgeekgirl @cheesewaster @aeo10fan @mrswhozeewhatsis @idabbleincrazy @writingthingsisdifficult @ellewritesfix05 @justanotherwinchester @starks-hero @storiesfromtheimpala @iluvsumbucky @ellen-reincarnated1967 @katehuntington

Tags didn’t work for the following names: @lottieellz101 @lovedrarrypizzasleep @katherineisagubler @m2ello @guesswhosback129 @deepsleepnat I’ve sent you a message to notify you instead! @ireallyhaveaproblem unfortunately I can’t send you a message either.

---

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dcforts · 3 years

Text

[day 2: childhood memories + day 3: motel rooms]

One minute Dean is soaping up in the shower - under what could be described more as a lukewarm leak than an actual shower spray - and the next the whole thing dies on him.

Dean sighs heavily, steps out on the cold bathroom tiles and towels off the soap as best as he can. He is sticky and uncomfortable when he gets into his clothes but it’s not worth bringing up the issue at the front because they are leaving the motel anyway.

Sam says, “Maybe they’ll let you take a shower in another room,” but Dean doesn’t want to. This is just the cherry on top of a godawful day and he wants to get out of there now and don’t ever come back. He is sick of those carpeted floors, those disgusting smells, the stained curtains, the dirty ashtrays.

He is well aware that if they didn’t find the bunker they would have spent the rest of their lives in dumps like this, so it’s not like he can look down on anything with a roof on. Still, Dean finds more and more intolerable the places he grew up in.

The ones his dad would leave them in when he was barely ten years old and he was too afraid to fall asleep because of the scary noises coming from the walls and the scary lights coming from behind the curtains. He would think that if he closed his eyes then someone could come in and take Sammy and he wouldn’t relax until he heard the rumble of the Impala in the parking lot. He would finally calm down and be lulled into sleep only by the creaking of the floorboards under his father’s boots, his heavy breathing, the tv turning on, the hiss of a beer being opened.

He is not complaining, but he knows now, that it was fucked up – how they lived. He’s got fond memories too, he is not complaining. He’s just tired. Maybe he’s getting older, that’s all. Maybe he’s becoming one of those old grumpy dudes that can make a fuss about anything.

“I’ll take care of check out,” Sam says and hands him his bag. “See you outside.”

Generally, he is not bothered by any of those things. Too preoccupied with whatever they are dealing with, he moves on autopilot. But today he woke up with a sadness that he doesn’t know where it came from but it grew and it grew – during the long hours of a stake out, and each time he was thrown against a wall by the monster they were fighting, and finally, half an hour ago, when the shower head of his filthy motel room decided to die on him while he was still all soaped up.

So when Sam leaves the room Dean takes a moment for himself. He sits down on the nearest unmade bed and drops his head in his hands.

There are voices coming from the rooms nearby, not really muffled by the thin walls of the place. A kid crying, a man yelling at his phone, a television blaring commercials.

One time when he was nine, Dean had been having a hard time because little Sammy wouldn’t stop crying. It took him a long time to calm him down and even longer to make him fall asleep. Then from next door came the sounds of a couple fighting and Sam started to stir in his sleep. His father had told him to always be brave, so Dean had gone knocking on their door, his heart in his throat. “Could you keep it down? My little brother is sleeping,” he’d said to the man who’d opened the door. The man had spit on him and slammed the door.

He had washed the spit out of his face together with his tears, wishing for his father to come back and take them out of there.

He knows he is not that kid anymore. He went through so much worse; he went through literal Hell. He sighs and wipes a hand over his mouth, telling himself to get it together. He didn’t get enough sleep, that’s all.

Someone pushes open the door that Sam has left ajar. Cas takes in the view of Dean sitting on the bed with the bags at his feet, surveys the empty room and asks: “Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

Dean looks up at Cas and unsurprisingly he is wearing a frown. Also unsurprisingly, he picks up Dean’s bad mood. He walks into the room and asks: “What is it?”

Dean looks down at his shoes and weights what chances he has to get away with a ‘Nothing’. He still doesn’t feel like moving though, so it would be a little weird to say that and then keep sitting there.

“Just a bad day,” he says in the end.

Cas is quiet for a moment, Dean can hear him shift his weight from one foot to the other, can hear the rustling of his trench coat as he moves his arms.

“Tell me about it,” he says and his shoes come into Dean’s view as he approches him and then crouches in front of him trying to catch his gaze. His eyes are soft and questioning. Dean doesn’t like making him worry.

“I’m just being a whiny baby,” he says, trying to playing it down, attempting a smile. “My back hurts, that vamp kicked my ass, I could not even take a freaking shower and now I gotta drive for hundreds of miles.”

“What else?” Cas says and he puts his hands on the mattress to keep his balance. His chest bumps against Dean’s knees.

He shakes his head: “Remembering some stuff from when I was a kid. I dunno, maybe I haven’t slept all that well. My pillow was bumpy.”

A corner of Cas’ mouths lifts.

“I told you, it’s nothing. I just needed a minute.”

“Can I do something to help?” he asks and a warm feeling expands in Dean’s chest. He shakes his head.

Cas studies his face for a moment longer, then Dean feels his hand on the back of his neck gently pulling his head forward until he ends up in a sort of a hug that works and doesn’t work, but still brings Dean’s face pressed against his shoulder and into the fabric of his trenchcoat, so that all he can smell now it’s the not rancid tobacco, not the cheap detergent used for the bedsheets, not the old mouldy wallpaper.

Just Cas, the soap Sam packed for the trip, the Impala.

He smells like home. And that anchors him to the present. A present made of eggs and bacon every morning, of record players blasting his favourite songs, of soft clean clothes and the feeling of safety; a present made of people that call him just to know he’s alright, that would drive from another state just to see him, that will hold him for as long as he needs it.

People that love him and that he loves.

So Dean lets Cas hold him and not hold him for a little while longer - or for a long time, Dean is not sure anymore - before he feels ready to slap his back and say: “Alright, let’s get out of here.”

He stands up and takes one bag, Cas takes the other.

He still looks at him like he’s not convinced that Dean is fine, so he says, “I’m fine,” but then feels embarrassed and stammers a bit when he adds, “T-thanks, Cas.”

Cas nods briefly. “Anytime.”

joining @bend-me-shape-me in doing this!

#SPNAdventCalendar2020 #deancas #destiel #deancas ficlet #deancas fanfic #destiel fanfic #angst #1.2k #cw bad childhood #not happy or christmassy but i needed it #my writing

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clairenatural · 4 years

Text

look at you, strawberry blond

destiel, 1.8k. pining, fluff, growing up together, etc! minor character/parental death, vague mention of John’s A+ Parenting. based on the mitski song (this is a repost because the first one got deleted)

I love everybody because I love you

Castiel first learns what love is when he’s eight years old and Gabriel, sixteen, is grumbling about driving an hour out of his way to find his girlfriend the rare chocolates she likes for Valentine’s day.

“Why?” he asks his older brother, and Gabriel sighs, melodramatic as always.

“That’s love, little bro. Remembering the little things and then putting in the time to make it happen.”

Cas thinks about when he told Dean his parents don’t let him eat candy. He thinks about how Dean has given him half his Kit Kat bar every day for the last year.

He thinks about the time he scraped his knee falling off the jungle gym and Dean spent the rest of recess picking dandelions to make him feel better. Yellow is his favorite color.

“Oh.”

“You’ll understand when you’re older, Cassie. Love is about sacrifice, and commitment--” he goes on, but by the time Michael cuts him off, yelling from his office that you’ve only been dating for two months, Gabriel, stop preaching to Castiel, Cas has already sprinted up the stairs to his bedroom.

A broken piggy bank, $1.50 in pocket change, and several pleas to Gabriel later, and Castiel tucks a king-sized Kit Kat into Dean’s valentine box.

--------------------------------------

When you stood up, walked away, barefoot

It’s eight years later, one summer in high school, when Castiel realizes that there’s a difference between loving and being in love, and that he is, in fact, in love with his best friend.

He realizes this as he watches Dean walk away, sandals discarded and unnecessary in the soft grass, back to the picnic tables to get them both more fruit punch. It’s the annual junior class picnic, the official welcome to being upperclassmen, and the August sun casts a warm glow over Dean’s freckles, and Castiel knows.

Two seconds later, he watches Dean nearly get hit by an errant frisbee and completely forget his punch mission in lieu of playfully tackling its thrower, Benny Lafitte. He watches Lisa Braden, giggly and glowing and perfect as always, yelp as she’s almost caught in the crossfire, and Dean winks at her as he releases Benny.

He swallows thickly and turns his attention back to the patch of grass they’d been laying in, flattened where Dean had been just a few moments before. He wishes he hadn’t come to this particular realization.

And the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape I looked over it and I ached

--------------------------------------

I love everybody because I love you I don't need the city, and I don't need proof

Castiel goes to college in Chicago and pretends like the two-hour drive between them doesn’t mean anything. And it doesn’t, until Dean’s father gets a job back in Kansas halfway through his freshman year. Dean goes with him even though he’s an adult because the alternative is letting Sam deal with John alone, so Castiel spends most of that summer in Lawrence, dodging both his friends in the big city and his family back in Pontiac. He tells them all that he’s studying Kansas’ role in the Civil War, assisting in research back at the University, but he and Dean spend two months going on road trips with Sam.

His sophomore year John dies and Castiel flies back for the weekend, explaining his sudden departure as a family emergency and getting an extension on two papers. Dean holds his hand at the funeral but won’t look him in the eyes for two hours after, even as he refuses to leave Castiel’s side.

The boys move in with Bobby but that summer Dean shows up in Chicago, explanations lined up about not worrying about Sam anymore and wanting to see what about the city made Cas keep coming back. Castiel gets an internship and pretends like that was the plan all along. He quietly cancels his plane tickets to South Dakota.

All I need, darling, is a life in your shape I picture it, soft, and I ache

--------------------------------------

Reach out the car window, trying to hold the wind You tell me you love her; I give you a grin

Dean stays in Chicago. He moves into Castiel’s empty room when his original roommate moves out, he finds work at an auto shop, and he starts taking mechanic classes at a community college. Castiel isn’t sure why—he doesn’t want to ask. Afraid to look the gift horse in the mouth and risk having his happiness bitten off.

Then Dean starts talking about a girl. Then Castiel meets the girl, Cassie Robinson, and it all makes sense.

He pretends it doesn’t sting every time Dean brings her up, that the way his face lights up doesn’t burn, that he doesn’t feel physically ill the first time he meets her.

By the time Dean tells him he’s in love, gushing about Cassie in a way eerily reminiscent of Gabriel twelve years earlier, it’s turned into a dull ache that Castiel has mostly contained in the back of his chest. They’re on their way to Cassie’s apartment, the first stop on their way to a cabin spring break of their junior year, and the ache is suddenly threatening to break through his ribcage.

But the sun is warm on his cheek, and the radio is playing a soft summer soundtrack, so Castiel allows Dean’s happiness to wash over him long enough to forget who—or, more importantly, who isn’t—causing it. He grins at his best friend before turning his gaze back out the passenger window of the Impala.

Oh all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines, follow the white lines, Keep my eyes on the road as I ache

--------------------------------------

Look at you, strawberry blond

Dean and Cassie break up, and Dean drinks for a month, but Castiel getting into Stanford for grad school distracts him just long enough to go back to normal (a normal that does not involve thinking about how Dean nearly kissed him when they were both drunk the night he got his acceptance).

This new normal involves staring graduation in the face, and California beyond that, and moving out of his Chicago apartment somewhere in this middle, which also involves coming to terms with moving away from Dean.

Until Sam gets his own acceptance to Stanford a few months later. Then Dean starts sending him links to two-bedroom apartments, and using “we” when talking about the move, and looks just as confused as Castiel when he asks about it.

“Well, yeah. I mean, with you gone, and now Sam—You thought you were going by yourself?”

And even though Castiel vaguely thinks this is a bad idea, and living with his best friend who he’s been in love with for his entire memory had been hard enough for the two years they’d been doing it, he can’t say no. Because every time he gets up the nerve to say something Dean calls him over and shoves his laptop into Castiel’s face, talking about hiking trails and flower fields and front lawns and dogs, and that quells any doubt he had.

They move to Palo Alto, into a townhouse with a lawn and a communal garden. Dean adopts a golden retriever.

Fields rolling on, I love it when you call my name

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Can you hear the bumblebees swarm? Watching your arm

Two months into Castiel’s first year of graduate school they have a picnic, taking advantage of the lingering warmth of the California fall. Sam is off in the field playing with Zeppelin, obviously having used the ‘come meet my brother’s dog’ excuse to invite the pretty blonde woman (Jess?) chasing the golden with him. Dean is rambling about Star Trek and Castiel is paying half attention, the majority of his focus on the reading in front of him because professors don’t consider picnics an extension-worthy excuse.

He’s just started to get invested when he hears a yelp and looks up to see Dean Winchester, his best friend, most trusted confidant and the possible love of his life, swatting a bumblebee. Cas gasps, reading forgotten, and lunges across the picnic blanket to grab Dean’s wrist. “Dean.” He chastises, and Dean gives him a look.

“It’s a bee, Cas.”

“It’s a bumblebee, which are essential—”

“To our ecosystem, yeah, but it’s pretty essential to me that it doesn’t sting me.”

“It won’t sting you if you don’t swat at it.”

“You didn’t see the look on it, man. It meant business.”

“Bees are attracted to sugar. You probably just smell good.”

Dean grins. “You calling me sweet, Cas?”

And, well, no. He isn’t. He’s talking about the empty pie tin next to Dean. But the words make him realize just how close they are, how far he’d moved into Dean’s space in his efforts to stop his hand, how the force of the movement had pushed Dean almost back onto his elbows.

He opens his mouth to respond the way he usually does to Dean’s cavalier flirting, but the words don’t leave his mouth—which is, somehow, he swears, closer to Dean’s than it was a second ago. Just as Castiel is preparing to push back, clear his throat, and add this moment onto a growing list of almost-but-not-quite moments stretching back years, Dean sucks in a breath and closes the gap.

Castiel reacts before his brain can fully comprehend what’s going on, bypassing any shock entirely and kissing Dean back immediately. He lets go of his wrist, instead bringing his hand to the side of Dean’s face, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. Dean pushes himself back up and wraps an arm around Castiel’s waist, pulling him essentially into his lap, and then they’re kissing, and Dean smells like summer and tastes like apple pie, and Castiel suddenly understands more than ever why bees are always buzzing around him.

It feels like a lifetime until it’s over, until they’re just staring at each other and out of breath, both scared to say anything and break the magic they’d accidentally created. The silence is only broken by a shout from across the grass, followed shortly by a tennis ball that nearly misses them, followed by 65 pounds of golden retriever that does not miss them and nearly topples Castiel in his pursuit of the ball. And then Sam comes running after the dog, still shouting—apologies, this time—and then there’s Jess, laughing hysterically, and then Castiel has to scramble out of the way because Zeppelin has made a U-turn, interpreting the whole commotion as a game of keep-away.

Dean meets his eye above the chaos and grins, and the sunlight hits his dirty blonde hair, and it’s so breathtaking Castiel almost forgets to smile back.

I love it when you look my way.

#destiel fluff #deancas fluff #destiel fic #deancas fic #destiel #fic #spn #i told myself i wasn't gonna repost this but this verse lives rent free in my head so like. here u go sorry #also i like it and want it on my blog!!!#my words #(tumblr actually put this in the tags challenge)#over 1k words

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expectingtofly · 4 years

Text

Relief

dean/cas fic

also posted on ao3

“Dean? Dean! Can you hear me?”

Dean slowly came to, his head pounding. Disoriented, he opened his eyes and saw only blurry shapes, blinked and realized Castiel and Sam were crowded above him.

“What—?” he tried to ask.

“Thank goodness,” Castiel breathed. He was clutching at Dean's face, his palms warm, and Dean felt his face redden at the attention. "You were out for so long—" Seeming to come to himself, he pulled his hands away from Dean's face.

Dean looked around, trying to get his bearings. Trees... nighttime... they had found a vampire nest, way more vampires than they had expected...

“Is it over, did we kill them?” Dean tried to sit up.

“Woah, take it easy, Dean.” Sam put a hand on his shoulder. “They’re all dead.”

“What happened?” Dean asked, letting his head drop back on the ground.

“You’re an idiot, is what happened,” Castiel answered. “You went after three vampires at once, we told you to wait for us—”

“Alright, alright,” Dean protested, trying to wave Castiel off. His hand felt too heavy and he let it drop at his side. It was coming back to him. Not the smartest choice he’d ever made, but it had turned out well enough—he was alive wasn’t he? He saw the worry in Sam and Castiel’s eyes and decided to keep that thought to himself.

“Dean, you can’t keep doing this,” Castiel said and, shit, how long had he been out? Were those tears in Castiel’s eyes? “You could’ve been killed.”

“I know.” He realized Castiel was clinging to his hand. “I’m sorry,” he added for appearances’ sake and squeezed Castiel’s hand. “I’m alright, though. I’ll live.”

Castiel’s eyes softened and Dean’s skin warmed at the look in his eyes. To be honest, Castiel gazing at him always set his heart pounding, but there was something else in Castiel’s eyes now. A mixture of deep relief and something else—Dean hoped it wasn’t angelic fury directed at him for once again nearly getting himself killed. But before he could move, or speak to defend himself, Castiel leaned down and kissed him on the lips.

Dean froze, instantly too aware of everything—the cold, hard packed ground under him, Sam’s presence next to him, his hand still wrapped in Castiel’s.

Castiel pulled back. The soft look in his eyes was gone, replaced with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” He trailed off, his eyes searching Dean’s face.

Dean could only stare up at him. He finally kissed me. He kissed me? What the hell?

Castiel pulled his hand from Dean’s, and Dean blinked, startled out of his dazed thoughts. His heart sank when Castiel dropped his eyes to the ground.

Sam cleared his throat. “Um, alright,” he said. “Come on, Cas, help me get him up. He’s still out of it.”

“I’m fine,” Dean said, pulling his eyes from Castiel and forcing himself to speak. “I can get up on my own.” Sam wouldn't hear any of it, already grabbing his arm to help him to his feet. The forest tipped wildly when he was upright, and Sam wrapped an arm around his waist to support him. They walked back to the main road slowly, Castiel following behind. He reached out once to touch Dean's arm, then dropped his hand. Dean couldn’t look at him.

“Backseat,” Sam said when they reached the Impala and Dean didn’t try to argue. He lay on the backseat and stared at Baby’s roof, trying to piece together what the hell had just happened. Was he still unconscious? Was he dreaming? But it had felt too real. He shut his eyes against the slow rocking of the car as Sam pulled onto the road.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” he heard Castiel say quietly in the front seat. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t worry, Cas. It’s fine. He’ll come to his senses in a bit.”

“He’s angry with me."

I’m not, Dean thought.

“No, he’s not,” Sam answered, as if he’d heard Dean’s thoughts. “He’s just… confused.”

Confused? Dean thought harshly. Alright, maybe confused. Confused because he’d never dared to hope that Castiel liked him like that. Confused as to why he hadn’t been able to kiss him back.

When they reached the bunker, Dean insisted he could walk on his own, but Sam hovered nearby him anyway all the way to his room.

“I got it,” he said, pushing open Dean’s bedroom door before Dean could. Dean gave him a dirty look, but truth was, his brain felt like it was rattling around in his skull.

He sunk onto his bed and nodded at Sam. “I’m good.”

“Okay, um, get some rest.” Sam hesitated in the doorway and Dean stared at the floor. “Listen, about Cas—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He raised his head to look at Sam, daring him to say more.

Sam seemed to fight for words, but he only said, “Fine. But you’re gonna have to talk to him about it.”

He shut the door and Dean swore inwardly. Like hell he would.

Too tired to even kick off his boots, he lay back on the covers and stared at the ceiling. It was too much to think about.

He woke to his bedroom door creaking open. Opening his eyes, he looked up to see Castiel peeking inside.

“I’m sorry.” Castiel stepped into the room. “Did I wake you?”

“No. Yeah. It’s fine.” Dean sat up slowly. Any dizziness had been replaced with a harsh pounding in his temple.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better.”

“I can help—” Castiel reached out two fingers and Dean shook his head, a movement he quickly regretted.

“Save your grace,” he managed. “I’m good.”

Castiel dropped his hand. Dean pressed the base of his palms to his eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing now that Castiel was in his room. Man up, he told himself and looked at Castiel. He hadn’t turned off the light before falling asleep and it seemed too harsh now, making him squint. Castiel snapped his fingers and the room went dark.

“Thanks,” Dean said, the darkness easing the pounding behind his eyes.

Castiel nodded. It was easier to look at him now in the soft yellow light from the hallway, his face shaded in shadows. There was still blood on his trench coat. He was fiddling with his sleeves, a nervous, unfamiliar action. “Dean, I—”

“Did Sam call the police chief?” Dean interrupted. “Tell him about the bodies we found at the vamp nest?”

“Yes, he did.”

“That has to be one of the biggest nests I’ve seen in years.” He was rambling, hoping to stave off whatever apology or explanation Castiel was preparing to give.

“You should’ve been more careful,” Castiel admonished. Dean sighed in relief. This, he could handle. Bickering. “My grace isn’t as strong as it once was, I can’t even heal you fully now—”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Cas. I’m not your responsibility.”

The words sounded too harsh even as he spoke them. Castiel looked at the floor and Dean started to hate himself for always saying and doing the wrong things.

But when Castiel spoke, his voice was soft. “You once were, when I rescued you from hell.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“I still… care about you.”

Dean froze. Castiel took a step closer to him and his skin thrummed at the memory of the sensation of Castiel’s lips on his.

He crossed his arms. “Yeah, I know. We’re family, we have to care about each other.” He forced a laugh. “Bet you wish you’d never gotten involved with the Winchesters.”

“That’s not true,” Castiel replied. He opened his mouth to say more and Dean said,

“I’m tired, Cas.” He looked up at him and hoped Castiel understood. I don’t know what this means, I don’t know what to do.

Castiel’s shoulders slumped, but he only nodded and turned to leave. At the doorway he paused, and Dean’s heart sped up, then Castiel left and shut the door behind him.

For the second time that day, Dean stared at the ceiling and felt miserable.

He could walk into a vampire nest and never flinch, but let one angel kiss him and he went into shock. He wasn’t angry that Castiel kissed him—in reality, he’d imagined it plenty. Came so close as to wish it would happen. But he never thought he’d be so lucky. Didn’t dare believe Castiel felt the same way towards him—even if Sam always was telling him to get his head out of his ass and look at the signs.

How long have you felt this way? he wanted to ask Castiel. Did it happen when you walked into that barn, the first time I saw your face? He knew that’s when it had happened for him—he’d stared into two gorgeous, blue eyes and had known he was irrevocably screwed.

Why hadn’t he ever taken the plunge and admitted his true feelings to Castiel? Maybe because he was more of a coward than he wanted to admit. Maybe because he was scared Castiel would reject him. Maybe because he was scared Castiel wouldn’t reject him. Because if for once he got to be happy, then what? He knew well enough what it meant to love someone in the life he led. How every evil force in the world tried to use the people he loved against him.

Sam was the one person that Dean would throw the world away for—and it was only right, Sam was his younger brother, Dean had to take care of him. But he couldn’t afford to love someone else that much. So many times he had lost Castiel, and he’d never known how to bear it. If he couldn’t do it when he called Castiel a friend, how could he ever bear to lose him if they had something more?

By the next day he was back in fighting shape, or at least that’s what he told Sam to convince him he could drive. Castiel was gone; Sam said he had angel business to attend to. Dean thought that was for the better. He spent several hours driving Baby aimlessly, focusing on the lines of the road and not at all the memory of Castiel kissing him, or the disappointment in his eyes when Dean didn’t kiss him back.

It wasn’t a great distraction, but it was better than staying in the bunker where Sam eyed him constantly and Dean grew tense, afraid Castiel would return without warning.

“Alright, this has gone on long enough,” Sam said a week later when Dean stood up from the map table, announcing he was going for yet another drive.

Dean paused, half out of his seat. “What?”

Sam gestured to him. “You, moping around.”

“I’m not moping,” Dean protested.

“I thought you liked Cas. Like, really liked him.”

Of course Sam would get straight to the point. Dean sat back down and shrugged.

“Cut the bullshit, Dean. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know!” Dean threw up his hands. “Ask Cas. He’s the one who started this whole fucking mess.”

“You know, I really thought that you two were finally gonna put a stop to all the pining and staring and longing—”

“Okay, shut up,” Dean said. “It isn’t like that.”

“Then what the hell happened?”

“I don’t know!” Sam watched him and Dean huffed. “I don’t know. I, I panicked.”

“You hurt his feelings. You wouldn’t even talk to him after.”

“It’s better this way. Less feelings involved, less chances of people getting hurt.”

“You really think it works that way?” Sam leaned forward. “Dean, whether you own up to it and tell Cas or not, you’re still in love with him.”

Love? Dean started to protest again, but Sam cut him off. “Stop torturing yourself, Dean. You finally have something good coming your way and you won’t take it. This life we live… you never know what’s gonna happen. When our luck’s gonna run out. You gotta take any chance you get, right?”

It seemed Castiel felt that way. He’d taken a big chance. And yeah, Dean felt miserable for crushing his dreams. For crushing his own dreams. But it had to be done.

“That’s the point,” Dean said. Pushing back his chair, he stood. “I might die tomorrow, Cas might die tomorrow. Better for us both if we don’t get too attached.” He walked away before Sam could try and argue with him further.

Two more weeks passed before he saw Castiel again. Despite everything, he couldn’t deny the relief he felt at the familiar whoosh of wings when Castiel appeared in the bunker’s garage, startling him and Sam as they prepared to go after a werewolf pack. It seemed like years since he saw him last.

Castiel wavered a little and put a hand on the Impala to steady himself. “You alright?” Sam asked.

Castiel nodded. “I’m afraid flying takes a lot out of me.” He glanced at Dean, and Dean quickly looked away. He listened to Castiel update Sam on the angels, though the blood pounding in his ears made it hard to hear. He hadn’t realized it’d be so hard to see Castiel again. Everything in him told him to fix things between them. But how? If he was lucky, with enough time, they could go back to how things used to be. Not that things had ever been simple between them.

Sam explained to Castiel where they were going and Dean tuned back into their conversation.

“I’ll come with you,” Castiel offered, still not looking at Dean.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Dean slammed the trunk shut. “Let’s go.”

For once, Dean was happy to see a pack of werewolves because it meant he could focus on the fight and not Castiel’s presence by his side. He lost himself in felling the werewolves and only when the last one crashed to the ground did he register sounds of struggle behind him. Whipping around, he saw Castiel across the room fighting off two werewolves. At any other time, it would’ve been no contest, but Castiel seemed dazed and weakened. He fell to the ground and one werewolf leapt at him.

“Cas!” Dean yelled and started running. The other werewolf turned and snarled at him. Dean shot her in the head, bringing her to the ground. Grabbing the werewolf crouched over Castiel, he threw him aside and shot him in the heart.

“Fuck, Cas,” he swore, turning back to him. “You stupid—” His words caught in his throat.

Castiel lay sprawled on the ground, his eyes shut and his waist covered in blood. "No, no, no." Dean dropped down next to him. Castiel’s head lolled to the side and Dean grabbed his face. “No, come on, Cas, wake up, please!”

“What happened?” Sam yelled, running over and skidding to a stop.

“One of them got him, he couldn’t fight them off.” Dean pushed Castiel’s trench coat aside to reveal a deep gash on his stomach. “I tried to get to him—”

“He’ll be okay, Dean, he still has his grace.” Sam’s words rang meaningless in his ears as Dean stared at Castiel’s waxen face. No, not like this, not now.

Blood continued to pour from Castiel’s wound, snapping him out of his stunned daze. He put pressure on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding, his stomach turning. “Please, Cas,” he begged. His words turned into a prayer, repeated over and over in his head almost unconsciously. Please, I love you, please.

Then Castiel’s eyes opened.

Dean could’ve cried from relief. He swore instead, sitting back, his hands shaking.

“Hold on, Cas,” Sam said, stopping him before he could move. "You're hurt." Castiel looked down at his side. Feebly, he lifted his hand over his wound and healed himself. Dean watched the gash knit itself together, leaving behind bloody smears.

Dropping his hand, Castiel let Sam help him sit up. He looked around at the dead werewolves, and Dean tried to catch his breath.

“Cas, you son of a bitch, you should’ve told us, about your grace—” His voice shook and he cut himself off.

Castiel looked at him, then dropped his eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was so weak, I thought I could—”

Suddenly, Dean didn’t care about any explanation. Reaching out, he grabbed Castiel and clutched him close to his chest. He buried his face in Castiel’s shoulder, gripping his trench coat, and tried to focus on the fact that Castiel was breathing, that he was alive, that he hadn’t lost him.

He felt Castiel’s hand rest hesitantly on his back. He clenched his eyes shut.

Sam had been right. Whether he told Castiel or not, Dean was in love with him. He could either refuse to let himself feel that way—he’d tried for so many years—or finally own up to it and tell Castiel, and maybe even find out his feelings were reciprocated.

Either way, he cared about Castiel, and either way it would hurt like hell if he ever lost him. There was no escaping it.

Consequences be damned, he let go of Castiel enough to pull back and look in his eyes. Then he kissed him. For one heart-stopping moment, he feared Castiel would push him away, or simply freeze like he had done before. He’d deserve it. But then Castiel kissed him back, gripping his shoulder and Dean felt dizzy with relief.

When they pulled away, he searched Castiel’s face. He hated how guarded Castiel's eyes were, as if Castiel was afraid of what he would do now. Berate him, act as if this never happened.

“We have a lot to talk about,” he said. Castiel nodded, his eyes serious. “I’m sorry,” Dean said, and he meant it.

Castiel touched his face. “You should be.”

Dean let out a laugh and took Castiel’s hand in his own. “Yeah, I know.” He gazed at Castiel and the next words came easily. “I love you.”

Castiel’s face brightened, a smile spreading across his face. “I love you too,” he said.

“Fucking finally,” Sam muttered. Dean flipped him off, even though he was right, and helped Castiel stand.

“No more almost dying, alright?” he asked. His heart was still thudding in his chest.

Castiel still clung onto his hand. “I’ll only promise if you do too.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Castiel nodded, and Dean knew that they both knew they had no control over any of it, whether they lived or died. But for now, Castiel was alive and holding onto his hand, and Dean had finally said I love you, had heard the words repeated to him. He was certain of that much, and it was enough.

Tag list:

@becky-srs @spooky-things-do-happen-dean @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @xojo @marvelnaturalock @letsjustdieeveryone @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @aelysianmuse @spooky-spooks-and-all-the-spooks @prayedtoyou @spnwaywardone

Let me know (message, ask, comment) if you’d like to be added to or removed from my tag list for future destiel fics :)

#destiel fic #expectingtoflywrites #hurt/comfort #first kiss #spncreatorsdaily #sam is basically a relationship counselor #emotionally constipated dean #cw blood

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dickspeightjrs · 4 years

Text

Reading is Fundamental (au / 4.3k words / single parent!dean / librarian!cas)

ao3 link

“Daddy, can you read this book to me?” Emma’s voice squeaked up from next to Dean. He turned to see her scrambling to sit on the chair next to him, slapping the book she’d chosen on top of the table.

“Not right now, Em. I just need to finish these notes and then we can go home.” Dean tried to let her down gently, hoping somewhere in her little three year old brain she’d be able to understand.

Emma nodded obediently at her dad but Dean could see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. It made Dean feel like shit. Maybe going back to college was a bad idea. He didn’t need a fancy college degree, he could always just rise up through the ranks at the auto shop the long way. He was stretched thin and he knew it.

Dean felt a little tug on his arm and his eyes met his daughter’s. “Daddy, please can I go look at more books?” Emma asked, so politely Dean could cry. She was so young, she wouldn’t understand all the stress Dean was under but her tiny smile and beautiful green eyes melted Dean’s heart every time.

“Of course, baby. But don’t go too far so I can’t see you, okay?”

Emma nodded enthusiastically and climbed down from her seat with a “Thanks, Daddy!” and she was gone, disappearing behind the bookshelves leading to the kids books.

Dean allowed himself to get lost in his notes and textbooks once again, hoping he’d be able to get a little more done before the library closed.

But it wasn’t even five minutes later when he looked up to check on Emma and saw her being carried towards him by one of the most beautiful people Dean had ever seen. But he couldn’t dwell too long on the man’s god-like looks because, as they got closer, Dean could see that Emma had tears in her eyes and blotchy red cheeks.

Notes forgotten, Dean leapt from his chair to see his daughter. “Emma, what happened?” He asked as the man approached.

Emma didn’t reply. Instead, she looked up at the sound of her dad’s voice and reached out to him. Dean accepted her into his arms and she immediately tucked her head into Dean’s neck. Dean stroked a comforting hand down his baby’s back and turned to the man still standing in front of him. He looked at him for an explanation. The man just had a warm look of fondness on his face and didn’t catch Dean’s questioning gaze straight away.

Eventually, he caught Dean’s eye and seemed to snap back into himself. “Sorry,” he said. “She tripped on one of the mats in the children’s area. I saw it happen from where I was stacking shelves.”

Now Dean looked properly he could actually see a name badge with the library logo on it. The badge said this guy was apparently called ‘Castiel’. Weird name.

“I checked she was alright.” Castiel continued. “She said her knees hurt but it looks like she got a little burn from the carpet. Just a bit of redness, no blood. After that she just asked for her dad.”

Castiel smiled again at Emma until it seemed that a thought occurred to him. “Oh, and I did ask her permission before I carried her but in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have done because I don’t imagine she can give her own consent. And I am a stranger.” The guy was starting to look a little stressed. “I assure you my intentions were completely innocent, I just wanted her to be okay.”

Dean was quick to jump in then. “Woah, dude, don’t sweat it. Thanks for bringing her back over for me. It’s my fault anyway. I should’ve been keeping a better eye on her, but I’m revising for exams and it’s kicking my ass.” He wiped his free hand down his face in exhaustion. “Normally, I do my college work at home but my neighbours have builders in and it’s so noisy.”

Dean was fully aware he was giving the guy too much information. But he needed to make it clear that he wasn’t a shitty dad who let his kid run off on her own all the time. Plus, this guy seemed to have a kind face that made Dean want to spill all his darkest secrets and worries.

“Well, there’s around half an hour until we close. If you still need to work a little more I can take Emma to choose out some books?” Castiel asked, tentatively gaging both Dean and Emma’s reactions.

Dean jostled Emma slightly in his arms. “Would you like that, Em?” he murmured in a low voice.

Still seemingly a little shy, Emma nodded and Dean let her down carefully onto the floor to find her feet.

Castiel knelt down slowly in front of her. “Do you want to hold my hand, Emma?” he asked, holding a hand out for her to accept.

“Okay.” Emma muttered, timidly. She took Castiel’s hand and let him lead her back to the children’s area.

As they walked away, Dean could just hear Castiel whisper to her, “What kind of books do you like to read?” and Emma’s resulting shout of “Superheroes!” Dean winced at the volume of her voice, checking around to see if anyone was annoyed, but Castiel barely flinched. He just carried on talking to Emma and making her giggle.

Their voices drifted away behind one of the shelves and Dean smiled to himself a little before returning to his work.

Almost an hour later, Dean glanced at his watch and quickly began packing up his things. He hadn’t realised the time and was consciously aware of overstaying his welcome when the library should have closed already.

He strode across the floor towards the kids area but found it empty and dark, clearly having already been closed for the night. He frowned wondering where Emma and Castiel had got to when he heard a familiar bubble of laughter coming from the main entrance.

Sat behind the front desk, Castiel was showing Emma how to do something.

“So after we’ve done that, we have to put a stamp in each of the books so people know what day they have to bring it back.” Castiel explained, pointing out the stamp page of a book in front of him. “Do you want to stamp the books you’re taking home?”

Emma’s eyes lit up. Dean smiled affectionately at his daughter, she loved anything involving paint or ink.

“Yeah!”

Dean decided now would be the best time to come out of his hiding place. “What’s going on here then?” he asked, sauntering up to the desk with a grin on his face. It turned out Emma was sitting on an empty space on the desk, with Castiel perched on the chair.

Castiel and Emma looked up at Dean’s voice.

“Daddy!” Emma cheered. “I’m working at the library with Mr Cas!”

“That’s awesome, Em. But we gotta go now. The library is closing and we still haven’t had dinner.”

Emma pouted. Her bottom lip stuck out and Dean hated it. He could never say no to that face, but not even he had the power to keep the library open longer. Plus, Castiel, or ‘Cas’ it seemed, probably wanted to go home too.

“It’s okay, Emma. You can come back tomorrow and help me. You did such a good job, I’d love to have your help again.” Castiel jumped in to reassure Emma.

It definitely did the trick as Emma’s face immediately lit up and she leaned over to give Cas a hug. “Thank you, Mr Cas!”

Once she let go of Castiel, Dean lifted her off the desk and into his arms.

He made eye contact with Castiel and instantly felt awkward. This dude saved him from having a meltdown in the middle of the library. And his daughter seemed to have fallen in love with him. What’s Dean meant to say now? Castiel was just standing there with kindness glittering in his eyes.

Dean cleared his throat. “Thanks, man. Y’know for earlier. And for keeping Emma occupied. I swear I don’t normally let her run-”

Castiel raised his hand to stop Dean. “It was my pleasure.”

Dean just nodded awkwardly and moved towards the exit with Emma still wrapped around him, the excitement of the day seeping from her tiny body and leaving her slumped against her dad.

He spent the rest of the evening and much of the night thinking about dark hair and striking blue eyes.

* * *

It ended up being a few days later that Dean and Emma found themselves back at the library again.

Emma hadn’t stopped asking and talking about Mr Cas.

Mr freakin’ Perfect more like.

Dean was sure he’d see the man again and realise he’d just let himself build up how great the man seemed. That Cas was actually just a normal dude doing his job. In fact, he’d probably forgotten all about Dean and his mischievous little girl.

They walked through the main entrance hand in hand. Dean could feel Emma tug his hand slightly, trying to direct him over to the front desk but Dean wasn’t sure whether he wanted Castiel to be there or not. He’d spent the last few days letting himself think things about the man that he probably shouldn’t after having only met him once.

But his eyes betrayed him and they took a quick glance over to the desk. Castiel wasn’t there. Dean was only half relieved.

Once they reached a table in the work area, Dean set himself up with his notes and a couple books for Emma to occupy herself with.

A few minutes passed with Dean squinting at one of his textbooks and Emma flicking through the pages of her books, only really looking at the pictures and making up her own stories to go along with them whispered under her breath.

Eventually, Emma sighed and turned to Dean. “Daddy?”

The silence was good while it lasted. “Yeah, Em?”

“Can I go find Mr Cas?”

How did Dean know it would be about friggin’ Castiel?

“Not right now, baby. He’s probably working.”

Emma sank down in her seat, crossed her arms angrily and pouted.

Dean sighed to himself. He hoped this wasn’t the start of her having tantrums again. She was an angel now most of the time but all through the age of two she was a little demon.

However, Emma stayed quiet and just spent her time kicking her legs up and down from the side of the chair. She wasn’t causing any upset so Dean let it slide just to try and get on with some more work.

It was short lived, unfortunately, because mere minutes later Emma shot up from her seat and ran off. Dean was about to jump up to grab her and make her sit quietly until he saw what, or rather who, she was running to.

Dean looked up in time to see Emma leap into Castiel’s arms as he approached their table.

Okay, so he was wrong earlier. Castiel was every bit as beautiful as Dean remembered and more.

Today he was wearing a plain shirt with a form-fitting waistcoat that hugged him all the right places. And his hair, oh fuck, his hair. It looked like he’d just rolled out of bed, or maybe rolled around in bed. Was Castiel seriously trying to kill him?

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean blinked and realised he’d been staring at Castiel for longer than was probably socially acceptable. Emma was also watching her dad with a mischievous smile on her face.

Dean cleared his throat, trying to will away the embarrassment of being caught staring. “Hey, Castiel.”

“I was wondering if Emma could help me again today?” Castiel asked, before turning to the little girl. “Do you want to help me put some books back on the shelves that people have finished with?”

Emma nodded enthusiastically, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Is that okay, Dean?” Castiel asked, tentatively.

As much as Dean loved his daughter, it would be a welcome relief to have a little break, even if it was to do college work. “Sure, man,” he smiled, tiredly.

Castiel gave Dean a look that he couldn’t decipher. It wasn’t on his face for long before he turned his attention again to Emma and set her back on the floor. “Okay, Emma, can you wait for me at the front desk?”

“Yes, Mr Cas!”

“Good. Go straight there and sit on my big chair. Don’t go near the front doors okay? I’ll be there in a second.”

Emma didn’t waste another second before she was off across the library, skipping over to wait for Castiel.

Dean frowned, wondering why Castiel had remained with him at the table. The man had only moved enough so he could keep an eye on Emma sitting behind the desk and that was it.

“Dean-”

“Wait.” It had only just occurred to Dean. “How do you know my name?”

Dean hoped he wasn’t imagining the blush that spread across Castiel’s cheeks.

“I saw Mr D. Winchester on your library card that Emma used the other day. I admit I searched your name in our system to find your first name. I suppose I just wanted to put a name to the face.”

Castiel looked slightly guilty for looking up Dean’s private information. But Dean’s brain was stuck on Castiel wanting to know his name, and what that could mean.

Dean shook his head. “Oh that’s cool, man. I guess it’s only right as you keep saving me by occupying my kid.” He shrugged.

“Trust me, it’s no bother.” Castiel assured. “In fact, I missed you and Emma the other day when you said you’d come in.”

Dean didn’t want to think too much about Castiel’s choice of words. He was too stressed to risk his heart having too much hope.

“Yeah, sorry about that, Cas. Emma got sick at daycare so I had to leave work early and I didn’t have time to come study.”

Castiel’s eyes widened in alarm and he glanced back again at Emma, who was still sitting merrily looking at different things on Castiel’s desk. “Is she okay, now?”

“She’s all good. Just one of those 24 hour bugs that only three year olds seem to get.” Dean smiled, but thinking of those 24 hours made him feel tired again. There was nothing worse than your child being sick and not being able to do anything but try to comfort them and reassure them that it wouldn’t last forever.

Dean could feel the exhaustion seep into his bones as he talked with Castiel. His shoulders felt heavy and he knew he should sleep but he had another hour of revising to do before he had to take Emma home for dinner. And it was bath night too. God, it never seemed to end.

“Dean,” Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, making the man focus his tired eyes. “I know we’ve only met briefly before but could I ask you a personal question?”

At this point Dean is too tired to care. “Sure, man.”

“Is everything alright? Only, you’ve seemed incredibly exhausted both times I’ve seen you.”

Dean looked into Castiel’s warm, blue eyes and saw nothing but care and sincerity.

He could cry. He could bawl like a fucking baby right here in the middle of Lawerence City Library. It’s been a long, long time since somebody had asked him that and truly cared about the answer.

With tears building in his eyes, and taking a glimpse at his daughter smiling at customers as they walked by, Dean let out a choked sob. “I’m struggling, man. It’s so hard. And I’m so tired,” he admitted. “Between, work, college, and looking after Emma, it’s too much. I thought I could do it all. I thought I was ready but I’m not.”

Without taking his hand from Dean’s shoulder, Castiel pulled up a chair to perch on, moving closer into Dean’s space. “Do you have any family that can help you out?”

Dean let out a watery scoff. He knew Cas meant well but that was a loaded question with a long history.

“My mom’s dead. Dad is gone. And my brother is in California.” Dean replied, succinctly.

Castiel’s face filled with guilt again. “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry Dean, truly.” He moved his hand from Dean’s shoulder to rest gently on his clenched hand.

Dean sniffed and wiped the tears that had escaped from his eyes. “It’s fine, dude, don’t worry. It’s just always been me and Emma, y’know?”

“I assume her mother isn’t around either?” Castiel asked, carefully.

“Not even really sure who her mom is.” Dean said, bluntly. He prepared for the judgement to appear on Castiel’s face but it never did. So he carried on. “She was a one night stand. I didn’t know about Emma until she was left on my doorstep with just a little note with her date of birth. She didn’t even have a fucking name, Cas.” Dean wept. “She just got left there. I just happened to be home that day otherwise she could have been there for hours.”

“Dean, I-”

“Mr Cas!” Emma’s voice rang out from the desk. Dean turned his head to see his daughter smiling up at someone standing on the other side of the desk.

“I should go and help that lady. Could we finish this discussion another time? I feel like it would be good for you to have someone to talk to.”

Dean couldn’t believe how much he’d already shared with a near-stranger. But he couldn’t help but feel drawn to Castiel. And he had to admit, sharing this weight with someone had felt good.

“Sure, Cas. Go do your job. Just send Em back over here if she gets in the way.” Dean smiled, wiping the last of his tears away.

Castiel watched Emma sit safely behind the desk, babbling away to the lady waiting. He turned back and smiled softly at Dean. “She could never get in the way.”

At that Castiel gave Dean’s hand one last squeeze and headed off to greet the customer.

And Dean could swear he fell in love in that second.

* * *

Later, it was nearing closing time and Dean had managed to get a fair amount of work done much to his relief after having to take a few days off.

He’d glanced occasionally over his shoulder at Emma and Castiel, watching them do their jobs together. Both of them working with smiles on their faces. Every now and then Emma would say something that would make Castiel’s face scrunch up with laughter. Dean was glad to see someone else find his kid as funny as he did.

Okay, so maybe he’d spent more time watching Castiel with his daughter than doing work. Sue him.

In another life, Dean would have been all over Cas but, as much as he may have already fallen for the dorky, caring librarian, he barely had time to feed himself let alone have a relationship.

As much as he hated to separate the adorable picture in front of him, Dean knew he needed to get Emma home, fed and in bed. He gathered his things and made his way over to the front desk.

“Come on Em, time to go now.”

Both Castiel and Emma looked up at Dean with matching expressions of disappointment that it was time to leave already.

“But I don’t want to go.”

“We have to have dinner. And you need a bath tonight.” Dean reminded her.

“Can Mr Cas come for dinner?” Emma asked, giving Dean her best puppy dog eyes. She definitely had the Winchester genes. She looked exactly like his brother, Sam.

“You can’t just invite people to dinner at the last minute, Em. He’s probably busy and has someone waiting for him at home.”

So maybe Dean was trying to fish to see if Cas was single. At least then he’d know once and for all.

“Thank you for your concern, Dean. But I can assure you, it’s just me at home-” Bingo! “-and Emma was just telling me that you make the best mac and cheese with hot dogs ever.”

Dean couldn’t argue with that.

* * *

So that was how Dean found himself sitting opposite Castiel on his couch a couple hours later.

As soon as they’d walked through Dean’s front door, Dean had apologised for the mess. He was embarrassed by how bad it had got over the past few days. But with Emma sick and having to fit in extra shifts too, there hadn’t been much time to tidy.

They’d eaten dinner quickly. Emma held most of the conversation, telling Dean and Castiel about her day at daycare and how she was going to paint a picture for them both tomorrow.

Soon, Emma was tucked away in bed. She’d had her bath with little fuss. But she had demanded that Castiel read her a bedtime story. Both Dean and Castiel couldn’t help but snort with laughter at her serious grumpy face. Dean had left Castiel to sooth Emma to sleep with a story about two superheroes who fall in love. While Castiel was up with Emma, Dean was finally able to tidy up a bit around the kitchen and living room.

Now, Dean could feel himself getting lost in Castiel’s eyes, though that also could have been to do with the tiredness finally catching up with him now that he’d finally had a chance to relax a little.

The silence is soft between them, neither man pressing the other for conversation. Just happy to be in each other’s company. Dean didn’t know where Cas had come from but he knew he wasn’t letting him go. He’d have him in any way he could. Even if it meant only having him as a friend he saw when they took trips to the library.

Eventually, Castiel cracked the quiet. “So, Dean. What are you studying at college?”

Considering how their earlier conversation had gone, how much of a mess Dean had been, and his promise to continue the discussion later, Dean hadn’t expected that to be Castiel’s first question when they were finally alone.

“Um, business management. I work at an auto shop right now and I guess I wanna own my own garage one day. Maybe do some restoration too.” Dean shrugged. “But I’ll probably have to go the long way now. There’s no way I can carry on with college, work to pay the bills, and look after Emma on my own.”

“Dean! You can’t!” Castiel stressed.

“Cas, man, I know you mean well. But it ain’t that simple. I already have a deal with my boss to work through my lunch break so I can leave early to pick up Emma from daycare, which I can barely afford.” Dean shook his head. “Then I have to study with her around. This isn’t fair on her. At least without college I’d have more time for her.”

“Dean, do you enjoy being at college?” Castiel asked, squinting at the man in front of him.

“Besides the exams kicking my ass, yeah I kinda do.” Dean nodded. “Makes me feel like I’m actually achieving something y’know? Besides Em, of course, she’ll always be my best.”

“Okay, so you need to stay in college. It will benefit you and Emma more in the long run.” Castiel raised a hand to silence the protests Dean tried to make. “I will help you.”

“How’re you gonna do that, man?” Dean sighed. This sounded too good to be true.

“Well, if it’s okay with you, I could pick Emma up from daycare, and bring her to the library with me.”

“But what about your job?” Dean argued. “What would your boss say?”

Castiel just smiled. “Dean, I’m the manager. I am the boss.”

Dean couldn’t believe his ears. Could everything he needed actually be being handed to him on a silver platter?

“Cas, you gotta be sure about this. It would help me so fucking much but you need to be all in. Emma isn’t a phase that you can get bored with after a couple weeks.” Dean pleaded.

“I promise you, we may not have known each other for long at all but Emma has come to be very special to me and, well, so have you.” Castiel blushed.

And suddenly Dean could see himself sitting on this couch with Cas in the future with Emma squished between them, laughing at one of her cartoons. And boy does he want it. Badly.

If it went wrong Dean would blame what he did next on feeling tired down to his bones. Without thinking, he launched himself forward to capture Castiel’s lips in a kiss. It probably wasn’t a good idea to jump into something with a dude he’d known less than a week but sometimes the best things happen spontaneously. That’s how Emma came into his life after all.

As if reading Dean’s mind, Castiel deepened the kiss and pulled Dean even closer to himself.

* * *

From the very next day, it became routine for Castiel to pick Emma up from daycare on his afternoon break at the library. She’d keep him company and help him to tidy up as the library wound down for the day. Many of the customers were enamored with Castiel and his little helper.

Then, a couple hours before closing, Dean would come in. He’d find Cas and Emma wherever they were to let them know he was there and to give them both a peck on the cheek.

After Castiel had locked up, more often than not, he’d join Dean and Emma for dinner.

That first night together, they’d agreed through rushed kisses to take things slow and keep Emma in mind. But within a month, Castiel was spending most nights at Dean’s and had taken to dropping Emma off at daycare too, allowing Dean a little extra time in bed.

Perhaps their new dynamic was unusual but it worked for them. And it carried on working well when Castiel officially moved in, and when Dean graduated, and when he finally bought his own auto shop.

And when they adopted a little brother for Emma.

A/N: This one kinda got away from me but I love it! Definitely going to do more in this universe one day. Maybe Sam meeting Cas (and Emma?) for the first time? Who knows?

Hope you guys enjoyed!

If you enjoy my works and would like to be added to my tags list, let me know!

TAGS: @eccentriccas @starrynightdeancas @credentiast @imbiowaresbitch @starclaire @cockleslovesdestiel @bend-me-shape-me @destielfactory @dea-stiel @wendeano @wingsandimpalas @aggressivedean @flowersforcas @chill-legilimens @pancakesofthelord @caslikescoffeeandfreckles @assbuttboyfriends @breathingdestiel @simplymisha @thekingslover @aelysianmuse @2musiclover2 @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @50shadesofsubtext @destielle @carryoncastiel @winchester-novak @angelwithashotguun @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @chaoticdean @jensenacklesruinedmylife @huckleberryhusbands @good-things-do-happen-dean

#destiel #destiel fic #destielfanficnet #dean winchester #castiel #myfic #au #fluff #angst #hurtcomfort #first kiss #4k #strangers to lovers #parent!dean #librarian!cas #protective!cas #minor:emma

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hells-angel · 4 years

Text

Interruptions

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word count: 1424

Warning/s: ---

Summary: All Dean wanted was to spend some quality time with you, but whenever you two go someone always manage to interrupt.

Living with two salty hunters, a one half-angel kid, an angel who repeatedly come back from the dead and an occasional visit from a certain king of hell, having an alone time was off the charts, though you don’t mind the company, Dean thought otherwise.

With the world in constant brink of destruction, you and Dean spent most of the times either driving all day, shooting monsters or patching up each other. all he wanted was to relax with you, just you and him enjoying a day like a normal couple should, but the other housemates prove it to be difficult.

currently, you sat on Dean’s lap at the so called Dean cave, a little entertainment room Dean built himself. you could have sat on the other comfy chair but Dean insisted you sat on his lap while the two of you watch, who were you to decline.

it was peaceful and a nice change of scenery compared to sounds of the guns firing at the ghosts. but the moment didn’t last long as a clueless Nephilim barge in.

“Can I watch here with you guys?” he adorably asked, holding a bag of popcorn, chocolates and drinks.

before answering the kid, you turned back to face Dean who gave you the ‘you know what to do’ face, he was literally screaming at you to decline, but your heart can’t do that to the poor kid.

“of course, come here Jack” you softly said patting the other chair as you left from Dean’s lap and sat on the armchair instead, PDA in front of a kid never really suits your taste especially when Jack asked embarrassing questions with a straight face. Dean gave you his bitch face while you just shrug in repose.

“It’s called a Dean cave for a reason” He grumbled under his breath as he crosses his arms on his chest.

“you ought to share” you whispered back

nevertheless, you ended up spending the whole afternoon watching scoobydoo at the Dean cave, with a very dissatisfied hunter.

The next time you had an alone time, Dean flipped through the channels on the TV as he comfortably lay down on the bed with you beside him, your head resting on his chest.

“why are we watching this here again?” you asked, averting your eyes away from the TV to slightly look up to his face.

“because no one can bother us here” he confidently said as he settled on a certain movie. cuddled up together under the blankets, your legs tangled together, nothing could go wrong until there was continuous knocks on the door before it opened to reveal the younger Winchester.

“are you here Y/n?” Sam called before his eyes settled on you and Dean. Sam had walked in on you and Dean countless times that he got used to the sight of you all cuddled up and sweet. while Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother, practically burning him with his eyes for not reading atmosphere.

“yeah, do you need something?” you asked taking your eyes away from the TV to give your full attention to Sam.

“I’m going on a grocery run, do you want to come?” he asked all the while standing at the door. you were about to answer but Dean beat you to it.

“she can’t, we’re having a movie marathon” He grumbled as you felt his hand on your waist tighten and pulled you closer at him.

“we can watch later” you reassured him, turning to face him as you pulled free “I can’t have Sam going alone, he’ll end up buying vegetable and veggie bacon instead of real meat”

“But I can’t watch this alone” he whined, his eyebrows furrowed together and a pout on his lips which was really adorable, it took all your will power to get ready and go with Sam. luckily, in perfect timing Jack passed by the room.

“oh that seems fun” he said as he walked into the room and made himself comfortable on the edge of Dean’s bed “I want to watch”

“now you’re not alone” you chuckled at Dean who gave you an annoyed look.

Dean end up watching the movie with Jack until you returned and join him on the bed again but with Jack on the room who constantly asked questions about the movie, it just doesn’t feel right.

The next time you and Dean had a free time after a mission, he insisted you two stayed on a motel instead of going back at the bunker, even though it was just an hour away from where you guys are.

“Dean?” you called as soon as the door shut close.

“yeah?”

“why are we at a motel instead at the bunker?” you asked as you drop your own bag next to his before going to the bathroom to wash.

“why do you think?” he grinned as he went after you and wrapped his hands on your waist, his chin resting on your shoulder as he traces kisses on your neck up to your ear.

“I like the way you think” you giggled as you turn around on his arms and meet his lips with yours. it’s been a really long time since you and Dean had been intimate with each other. with the growing members of your family it was hard to have a moment between you two at the bunker.

during the make out session, Dean ended up pulling you up on the sink with him place between your legs as his hands never leave your body. feeling breathless from the kiss, you pulled away from him.

with your hands placed on his hair, something catches your eyes on the open door. a certain angel in a trecnhcoat stood in the middle of the room, eyes on both on you and Dean.

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed, pushing Dean away on the process, who gave you a look of confusion.

“No, it’s me Castiel” He explained with his adorable head tilt, hearing his familiar voice, Dean turned around in disbelief. “Dean, Y/n” Castiel greeted.

“Dude! we’re in the middle of something” Dean said, sending signals to the innocent angel to leave with his eyes, but the message was not receive.

“then I’ll wait until you finish” Castiel said before making himself comfortable on the room.

“what?! “

“alright, you guys do...what you guys usually do” you said before hopping down the sink and straightening your clothes.

“oh come on!” Dean whined before letting himself down on the bed, burying his screams of frustration on the pillow.

“you guys enjoy!” you called before going out of the motel room, all the while Castiel not understanding what he had just done.

Dean was beyond frustrated, wherever he goes everyone manage to interrupt and it was getting on his nerves, until an idea formed on his mind.

“Dean, what’s all this?” you asked in shock as your eyes travel all over the room.

“the perfect hide out!” he proudly grinned like a kid who just accomplished something beyond them, he manage to renovate one of the many vacant rooms in the bunker. the door had multiple locks, one or three was not enough, knowing his brother he can and he certainly will try to pick the lock.

The walls were filled with anti-angels sigils, with a giant pentagram decorating the floor and ceiling.

“you know this won’t work to Jack” you giggled before joining him on the bed

“that’s why I sent him on an errand with Cas” he said pulling you towards him and placing you on his lap, your hands immediately moving behind his neck.

“I didn’t know it was possible love you even more” you fondly said as you peck his lips before sliding down to rest your forehead on his shoulder, his hands wrapped around your waist in a comforting manner.

“so what do you want to do?” you asked after a minute of silence between you two, just enjoying each other’s presence while it lasted.

“what do you want to do?” he returned the question but with a hint of playfulness on his face and he didn’t have to say it for you to know what he wants.

soon, you were all over each other, clothes were soon on the ground but before it can get even more intimate than that a certain king of hell made himself pop on the room with a glass of whiskey on hand.

“hmm I like what you did to the room”

“are you kidding me!”

#spn #spn fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #Dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #spn dean #supernatural Dean x reader

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janicho88 · 3 years

Text

Falling For You - Part 1

Pairing- Dean x Lisa(past), Female!Reader x OMC Justin(past), Eventual Dean x Female!Reader

Word Count-3019

Warning- Mentions of cheating, slight angst. This is going to be a bit of a slow burn.

A/N- I had an idea for a one shot, and giving a backstory to Dean and the Reader meeting took on a life of its own. This story is AU, and un beta’d.

Summary- After being burned before you had sworn off finding love for now. Coming home from work one night there is a strange man pounding on your door. Neither of you knew what this meeting would lead to.

Series Masterlist

It had been a long day at work and you just wanted to get home to your couch, although you knew that would have to wait. The apartment needed some cleaning, and you needed to wash laundry too. You had put it off, work keeping you busier than usual the last 2 weeks, and you really should go hit the gym. You had been slacking there too.

The elevator was being inspected when you walked in the building so you had taken the stairs Reaching your floor you were surprised to find a man standing in front of your door continuously knocking. Slowing walking over you looked around, no one else seemed to be near. Knowing the time, your neighbor across the hall, Jess was probably on her way home from work, you weren’t completely certain about her fiancé though. The other two apartments on this level kept to themselves.

“Hi, Can I help you?” You cautiously asked.

“Nope.”

“Are you sure?”

The greenest eyes you had ever seen turned to look at you with a grin forming. “Thanks, but I’m just waiting for my brother to let me in, unless you want to give me your number for later?”

“I’m good thanks, but why is your brother letting you in there?” You didn’t get any danger vibes from this guy, so you weren’t too worried about standing here talking to him yet.

“Well miss nosey, it’s because he lives there.”

“I don’t think he does.”

“Really, and how would you know anything?” The man back to pounding on your door.

Before you could respond Jess’ fiancé Sam came running up the steps sweaty from his evening jog.

“Dude, you weren’t supposed to be here till tomorrow, and why are you blocking Y/N’s door?” Sam unlocked his door across from you and went to hug his brother.

The man backed away from him, “Seriously man? You’re sweaty and gross, shower first. I needed to get out of there, and traffic on the way up was pretty light. You told me you and Jess were 44.”

“No Dean, I told you we were 43. We live on the fourth floor in the third apartment number 43. You weren’t listening,” Sam turned to you still unable to get into your apartment. “Sorry Y/N, this is my older brother Dean. He just got up here from Kansas, he’s staying with us for a little while. I’ll get him out of your way,” He leaned down to grab one of Dean’s bags before heading into his apartment.

Dean turned to look at you then looking at your door before he leaned down to pick up the other bag. “Oops!” With that he headed into the open apartment and shut the door. Shaking your head you went to unlock your own door.

Heading to your bedroom after setting your things down, you figured if you didn't get your workout done first it wasn’t going to happen. Quickly changing you grabbed some laundry and went to throw a load in the washer so the first load would be done when your workout was finished. Very thankful to have a washer and dryer in your apartment. Grabbing your key you headed the gym on the ground floor. An hour on the bike left you feeling a little better, getting out some of your frustrations.

Back inside your apartment you changed the laundry and started on your dusting and window washing before vacuuming. Finally finished, you headed for a shower to clean off the dirt and sweat.

All clean you ventured to the kitchen to see what you could whip up for dinner. When a knock at your door pulled you away. Who could be here now you wondered.

Opening the door you came face to face with Mr green eyes again. Shoot, what did Sam say his name was.

“Your brother still lives across the hall.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I swear Sammy told me it was 44. I just wanted to come say I was sorry for bothering you earlier. I know the right place now.”

“It’s fine. Have a nice visit.”

“Thanks it’s not really a visit. I’m Dean, like he said, I’m his older brother.”

“Y/N, the neighbor. Nice to meet you Dean.” Holding out your hand to Dean his bigger hand engulfed it in a firm shake.

“Would you let me take you out for a bite to apologize for my first impression?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good…”

“It’s not a date,” He hurriedly cut in. “It’s just, I mean, you seem like a nice person, and you would probably be a great date, but it’s not. It will just be food I swear. Tomorrow afternoon, or night? I don’t know if you have big Saturday plans?”

“Shouldn’t you be spending time with your brother?”

“He has a work dinner with Jess they can’t miss.”

You thought about it for a moment. You had been friends with Sam and Jess a little while now and trusted them, so you should be able to trust his brother. “I’m supposed to go dress shopping with my friend Meg, tomorrow. We should be done by 6 if you really want to grab some dinner.”

“Sounds good, sweetheart, I’ll knock on your door again then.”

“Okay, goodnight Dean. Oh and welcome to Michigan.” Shaking your head you shut the door to go back to your search for tonight’s dinner.

The fridge was pretty empty, you didn’t even have any frozen microwaveable meals left. Looks like grocery shopping just became part of your weekend plans. Settling on a bag of popcorn, it is a vegetable of sorts, somehow right? You finally headed for the couch and turned on the Hallmark Channel to see if there was a movie you could get lost in for the rest of the evening. Before you know it, it was time for bed so you could get an early start on tomorrow.

It was an honor to be asked to be the Maid of Honor, right? You needed to keep reminding yourself of this as you wandered through the dress shop the next day with Meg. Meg was a friend from elementary school and sometimes you think you are the MoH because many others would not have been able to handle this process with her. She could be a little blunt and rude, but you were used to this and could take the wedding craziness coming from her. 5 hours and two shops later she finally found the perfect dress for herself. You couldn’t be happier since you had already spent two other Saturday’s out searching.

Her fiancé Cas, thankfully had the patience of an angel. They had met when Meg left for college in Kansas, he was a year older than her. After graduation he had followed her back up here. Six years later, Cas finally got her to say ‘yes’. She seemed to be a better person with him around, a little kinder. They would be good for each other and you were very happy for them.

Your love life on the other hand, was not so lucky. Two months ago, you had broken up with your only serious boyfriend. A night out with friends had ended in tears when trying out the new bar in town. You had turned around in time to see a flash of Justin in a corner booth, walking over you found him lip locked with another woman. You stood there shocked for a moment when the woman noticed you staring and commented on it. A look of shock on Justin’s face as he quickly moved away from her and tried to explain The rest of your drink ended up on him as you walked out of the bar. Meg having seen the whole thing took you home and kept your now ex out when he came over to try and talk to you. The guys you had been out with before him, hadn’t done much for your faith in men either, having made the choice to give up dating for now. You were two years away from thirty, and had always thought by now you would have settled down. Maybe that wasn’t in the cards for you.

It was only a little after three so you decided to stop at the grocery store on the way home, this way you wouldn’t need to run out tomorrow. You would be able to just enjoy a day at home. Arriving home you pulled into your assigned spot and went to empty your car, you were one of those people who tried to carry everything in one trip. At least the elevator passed yesterday’s inspection and was running today, or it would be a challenge carrying everything at once up 4 flights of stairs. Although you couldn’t open your door with your hands full and keys in your pocket. Freeing a hand you finally worked it open as the door opened behind you.

“Need a hand?” Turning around Dean was standing in the doorway leading to the opposite apartment.

“You don’t have to, half the challenge was getting it up here.”

“I know I don’t have to,” As he finished talking Dean leaned down to pick up the discarded bags. “Dinner for tonight or are we still good to go?”

“Still good to go, I just had an empty fridge and decided to hit the store today and enjoy tomorrow.”

Dean set the bags on the counter and started to unpack them. Looking at the various items he turned to you holding up molasses and baking soda, “These aren’t your typical dinner items.”

“No, this is me getting a head start on what I need for Christmas baking. I know it’s the start of October, but December comes quick, and I like to have my baking done for my family’s Christmas party the first weekend of December.”

“You bake?”

“Yes, I actually really enjoy it.”

“So what all do you make cookies, cakes, pies maybe?”

Laughing at the hopeful look in his eye at the last item you nodded your head. “Yes, those plus bars, and different candies. Christmas I do the most, although not usually pie for that. Different holidays or events vary, or when I’m in a funk and just want to get lost in my kitchen.”

“Ever need a pie tester, I’ll gladly volunteer.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” The groceries unloaded Dean looked around before heading out saying he would be back at six. Glancing at the clock you saw it was almost five and decided to hop in the shower to get cleaned up.

There was a knock on your door right at six, dressed casually in jeans, a sweater and tall black heeled boots you opened it to see Dean smiling at you. Also having gone casual with jeans and a dark green henley. “Ready to go, Y/N?”

“Yep, all set. So where are we going Mr. Winchester?” Dean turned, giving you a funny look, as you got into the elevator “What?”

“How do you know my last name? Been looking into me?”

“You’re Sam’s brother, right? I kinda thought they would be the same.”

“Oh, yeah, true. As for our destination, I thought I’d surprise you.”

You screwed up your face but just nodded. You didn’t want to come across as rude to whatever he was thinking. Getting in the car he turned to look at you, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” There wasn’t much you hated more than surprises.

“Your face said otherwise a minute ago.”

“I was just thinking about something else, all good here,” You gave him a smile before looking out the window.

A short while later you pulled up outside a bar you hadn’t been to in a few months. Quietly getting out of the car you followed Dean inside. “Sam told me about this place, he said it was fairly new, but the food is good. Have you been here yet?”

“Once, but I wasn’t here long enough to eat.” It was early enough still it wasn’t too busy yet, Dean heading over to a booth asking if that was alright. You agreed and sat across from him. After ordering drinks and food it was a little awkward between the two of you. This wasn’t a date, what was it. You didn’t know the man so it wasn’t even friends hanging out. Not wanting to sit in silence any longer you decided to break it.

“How long are you visiting for?”

“I’m working on moving up here actually, I’m staying with Sam and Jess while I look for a place and find some work. Then I’ll head back to Lawrence with Sam and we’re going to drive my stuff back.”

“Oh wow, like the mitten state that much huh?”

Dean was quiet for a moment before answering, it almost seemed like he was having an internal battle on how to respond. “I needed a change and my brother and best friend both moved up here. Sam and I were pretty close growing up, and it would be nice to be near him again. My parents are still in Kansas but have talked about moving for a while. I can see them heading up here if Sam and Jess are here, especially if they end up having kids. I guess I’m going before I get left behind.” There was a sadness in his eyes that told you something was missing from his story.

“What kind of work are you looking for?”

“I actually was in business with my dad before I left. Owned an auto repair shop and we specialized in classic car restorations. Dad’s keeping the shop, but I’m guessing he’ll retire in a year or two and sell it. Going to see if anyone around here is hiring for now. How about you, what is it that you do?”

“Oh, I work at a physical therapy clinic in the business office. It’s usually a nice 9-5 job, but we had someone leave unexpectedly in the front office so I’ve been filling in for her and trying to do my work too. Makes for some later days. Someone new is starting next week so once they are trained it should calm down again.”

Dean was watching you and noticed you were doing your best to avoid looking around the bar, your focus either him or the table. “Is there someone you don’t want to see you here? A boyfriend I should worry about coming to beat me up? What’s up?”

“No, nothing like that.” Taking a deep breath you look up at Dean, “This place doesn't have great memories for me. The one time I was here I caught my then boyfriend making out with someone else. It was definitely a surprise, I wasn’t a fan of surprises before, but that was one of the worst I could have.”

“I’m sorry, I guess I should have checked the place with you first.”

Reaching across the table you put your hand on top of Dean’s, “No it’s okay. I really should just get over it anyways. It’s stupid on my part, right?”

“Not at all Sweetheart,” Dean turns his hand over giving yours a squeeze. “I understand to well how much that stings.” Letting out a deep breath he continues, “I had been dating this girl for over a year. Thought she was it ya know. I came home from work early to surprise her one day and found her in our bed with another guy.”

“Oh Dean, I am so sorry!”

He gave you a little smile before continuing, “It was my house. I kicked her out and put it up for sale, packed up my stuff and ended up storing it at my parents while I was staying in my childhood bedroom. I just couldn’t stay there. Got lucky it sold in a few months. I would see the two of them all around town and needed to get out of there. Sammy, and my childhood best friend, Cas like it up here so I decided to give it a shot”

“Wait, Cas? Is he engaged to Meg?”

“Uh, yeah why?”

“She’s my best friend, I’m her maid of honor. I’ve met Cas, he’s a great guy.”

“Yeah, she’s good for him. Takes him out of his comfort zone. Good for them, me on the other hand. I don’t see myself dating anytime soon.”

“Me either, I don’t have the best luck with relationships. I’m sorry for what you went though, you didn’t deserve that.”

“Neither did you.” You both sat there taking in what the other had said.

Dean spoke first, “I wouldn’t mind making a new friend though. Especially if she needs any taste testing when baking.”

Laughing before leaning back against the booth more relaxed than you had been, “I think new friends are good.”

Deciding it was time to lighten the subject you asked him another question. “So what brought Sam up here? I know Jess was from Indiana, not here either.”

“After law school Sam had been offered a position in a big firm in Ann Arbor, which I guess is like 30-40 minutes from here. Jess didn't want to live in the bigger city, she wanted to be in a little smaller town if they could. She said they did big city living in California during college and could visit Ann Arbor, or Chicago from here. Sam liked the idea of that too. I think they are both thinking of where they want to raise kids eventually”

“This is a good town to grow up in, I did. Why they moved here never came up in conversation. I’ve hung out with her and Meg before, and neither mentioned Sam and Cas were from the same town.”

The two of you spent the rest of the night talking and laughing more at ease knowing where the other stood. It was after 11 when Dean pulled back into the apartment parking lot. This had been one of the best nights you had had in awhile.

Part 2

Thank you for reading!!

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