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tonyglowheart · 2 months

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in the great tradition of making up an argument in my head and writing about and publishing it a la the great philosophers of old except also this does come from posts I've seen around too lmao, I am back here today with a very correct opinion on Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao.

So. a couple of types of opinions I've seen in old meta posts give this impression that people are treating the "Yan Wushi believes humans are inherently evil"/"Shen Qiao believes humans are inherently good" as, like... fixed worldview/viewpoints that these respective characters have.

I simply do not think this is so. And I think it not only does a huge disservice to the characters and MengXiShi's writing, but imo it also affects the way you interpret the characters if you think that they respectively hold such fixed rules about the world as their viewpoint.

Like just on a general level, to ascribe so black-and-white, simplified, fixed worldview to these characters doesn't sit right with me because these kinds of rigid worldviews are very immature type of worldviews. To reference to Kohlberg's stages of moral development, to have such fixed "good"/"bad" views is a very conventional-stage way of thinking, and textual interpretations aside I think it'd be very foolish to have such a rigid, unnuanced worldview.

But beyond that, I just don't think the interpretation that either of them holds such rigid unnuanced worldview uncritically bears out in the text.

The biggest/easiest chunk of text to reference here is Chap 46, where SQ flashes back on something his Master Qi Fengge taught him:

“Because ‘tip of sword pointing upward’ is just a vague description. There’s no established rule defining whether one should point it up by an inch or two. Ah-qiao, rigidly adhering to the rules will only limit your own thoughts and visions, and this is true for learning martial arts as well as for conducting yourself.”

“There are many people in this world —— some of them are good, and some of them are bad. But there are even more who can’t be simply classified as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. They may not think in the same way you think, or walk the same path you walk. Just like the case with Yu Ai and Yuan Ying —— even the same set of sword arts looks slightly different in different people’s hands. Don’t deny others just because they are different from you. Like how the ocean is capable of holding water from thousands of rivers, a person should be forgiving and tolerant to diversity, and it is the same for practicing martial arts. People who are narrow-minded can only achieve so much. Even if they do reach the summit, they cannot stay there for long.”

(QQ ch46, snowycodex tl, emphasis added)

I like this chapter since I think this helps sum up a lot of transferable concepts that imo we see bear out in SQ's conduct and worldview.

So I think, rather than saying "he believes that humans are inherently good," a more accurate way to describe it is "he believes in the inherent goodness (the possibility of inherent goodness) in all people." Which isn't to say that there aren't "bad" people in the world - he killed Huo Xijing for example, and doesn't express any regret about it. But that he believes in the ability of people to do good/be good, even if that doesn't bear out all of the time. It's a very optimistic sort of view on the potential of humanity.

Yan Wushi on the other hand, yes he has declared "you're too naive SQ, humans are evil by nature," etc but this happens by way of him making certain points to SQ, not as part of a philosophical discourse where we might see the full nuances of each's philosophy argued out, so I think to see it as a fixed "rule" he has for the world is shortsighted (and also ascribes a shortsightedness to him that I just don't think he has. He sees SQ as a curiosity sure but not like an aberration against a fixed worldview. He's amused when SQ chooses kindness, not perplexed).

So I think a more useful interpretation of YWS's worldview is more along the lines of, like, averages. In that instead of seeing YWS as "he believes all people are Evil by nature," it's more like, statistically speaking he believes that humans can/will be led astray by a variety of factors, and that even the most "good" person can have "evil" actions teased out of them if they are pushed enough - the exact experiment he is running with SQ. To me, this idea that like, in his experience humans are more statistically likely to act out of selfish/self-preserving/"evil" intentions than altruistic ones in the longterm, works a lot better for interpreting his character and making him a good foil for SQ. He's the pessimism on "human nature" to SQ's optimism - the "even if you have a close relationship, if you get in the way of self-preservation then people can be pushed to the point of valuing the self over you."

But yeah, the tl;dr of it all is, I don't think Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao are the "humans are inherently evil/good" characters, it's more, Shen Qiao is the "humans are capable of doing good/being kind and I choose to believe in that," and Yan Wushi is the "if you push someone enough they will abandon altruism, everyone has a bottom line including you" (though I think he underestimates how much hope SQ can find in the little kindnesses in the world lol, cuz like in Chap46 we see him close to some sort of abyss of despair but is QUICKLY brought back up by encountering Shiwu. But I think per the rule of statistical averages, SQ is very much a Kindness Georg so that's why I don't think he rocks YWS's worldview - he still has a place in the bell curve he's just way far out on the narrow end lmao).

But anyway, this complexity is what makes them (1) interesting characters, and (2) good foils for each other. Thanks for coming to my TED talk lmao

#qian qiu #thousand autumns #qian qiu meta #yan wushi #shen qiao

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18shadesofmay · 3 months

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i find the idea of choosing a college degree mildly degrading, in some sense. you’re given this ‘variety’ of courses to choose from, which in reality is merely them saying to you, “which one of these readily laid brick roads in society would you like to condense your personality down to?”.

it’s hardly freedom of choice. i may be more than a “bachelor of science” certificate. perhaps i too, like practically every other human being, am more complex than the one dimension i’m being forced to occupy. perhaps what i may bring to this world doesn’t have a university course attached to it. what if, with all my different faces and undertakings, what i choose to do for a living does not yet exist? which college degree do i choose then?

“oh, but you’ll need to hurry up, you don’t have forever to decide!” a hastened commitment may ruin the contentment i get out of life. i would gladly trade ten years of profession-related misery for twelve months of raw uncertainty and angst.

how is it that the arts, which make one think about oneself, ponder and discover, explore and live more lives than one, are seen as lowly and ‘financially unimpressive’, when a HUGE chunk of our species spends about eight of their waking hours slouching on a chair, being literal robots, producing nothing that couldn’t be imitated, being as disposable to their employers as straw in a barn. why are they the ones glorified? HOW are they the ones glorified?

shouldn’t the highest form of respect be presented to those who squeeze their way past the modern human experience? who announce to their families and peers, fearlessly and unabashedly, “this is what i love, hence this is what i shall pursue.”, their judgement utterly disengaged from the prospect of supposed inevitable wealth. the dreaded salary: a quantity created by us, that we submit to and say “enslave us, and poison all the hobbies i ever had as a child, be the glass hindrance that stops me from painting my dreams on my bedroom wall, that made me steer away from becoming a pianist, that forced me to forget the contagious beauty that my words may have possessed, had i chosen to wield and sharpen them more committedly.”

why do we feel? what is this ‘love’ thing that manipulates your hormones from time to time? why do you need emotions? shouldn’t you just slog your way through your primes, then live off of providers when you’re old? you could simply die, and no one would have been affected by your existence, your role at the workplace would be replaced by someone younger, and you would be one of the many, but hey, at least the firm that hired you would still be fine. your obituary would read: “a distinguished desk-worker. their services made an irrefutable difference to our race, and there will live no other desk worker like them again. on another note, there is an accountant position empty for hire.”

no one but me can define what i am and can become. if this world wishes a simplification, then i refuse to belong.

#adi writes

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seafoamreadings · 4 months

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What are the differences between sidereal and draconic charts compared to tradition or tropical? What can you use them for and what do they mean?

this is actually a pretty huge topic and something i might write more extensively on later but let's do a rundown here.

what is traditional is going to depend a lot on where you are from and who you learn from. vedic and western tropical are the two most traditonal ones i think, and it seems like you are referring to tropical here, but i want to be clear that's not always the case.

so, tropical: this doesn't take into account the precession of the equinoxes over thousands of years, which is why it no longer lines up with the visible stars. i discuss this in more detail in this book and it's also something you can do your own research on if you wish. in this system each sign is just a thirty-degree chunk of the sky, and the 0 degree of aries is determined by the day of the vernal equinox in the northern hemisphere (autumnal in south) NOT by the actual beginning of the constellation of stars that looks like aries the ram. i do not have any good scientific reason why this method should work better than any other, but my experience is that it is the best, and it is very old and widely used around the world so others must agree! i use this for pretty much everything although i know a thing or two about some other chart systems.

sidereal: DOES account for the precession of the equinoxes and DOES more or less line up with the actual stars as a result. but make no mistake, there's more than one way to do a sidereal chart. for instance, vedic astrology popular in india is one sidereal system. it uses the same 12 zodiac signs as the tropical system i use, but additional information and if i understand right also each sign is 30 degrees so it doesn't line up perfectly with the stars (someone correct me on this if i'm wrong in the replies please~). but there are other sidereal systems that don't have evenly sized signs, or they do but they incorporate eg the 13th sign, ophiuchus. i have written some before about how i feel like these sorts of systems SHOULD be more accurate but in my personal experience never are. the physicist/astronomer in me doesn't like that but whatever, i don't make the rules.

one thing i have heard is that while tropical is best for knowing thyself, sidereal or at least vedic is better for making predictions. i'm digging into that a little bit on my own time but i think tropical does predictions fairly well itself if you know what you're doing! since i am not as well-versed in vedic i still use tropical for my predictions and while i may not know the minute details it never really gets the vibe wrong.

draconic: a bit of a different thing. i offer these readings in my etsy. like everything i do, it varies a little bit from the most traditional/conventional manner. but it seems to work nicely. i think this style of chart has its origin in vedic astrology where the lunar nodes are the head and tail of the dragon, but it seems a lot of people do this chart in a tropical system anyway. it's defined by making the north node the 0 degree of aries and building the rest of the chart around that. so the planets and spacing of everything are the same as in the tropical natal chart, but the signs change. the idea is that this shows you something about your karma, your soul, your overarching personality in a way that is bigger than your personal egoic small self life as you know it. it's very esoteric and cool.

draconic charts are always really similar to natal charts. they are for a *person*. but you can do vedic or tropical charts about an individual, a meeting, a synastry, an event, a horary chart, etc. so that is another difference.

another thing i want to mention which you didn't ask explicitly but might interest you is all of the above are geocentric approaches. you can also do heliocentric astrology! i'm delving into that too because that's one of those things my science brain wants to work so much, lol. it is not widely practiced in the mainstream but astro dienst will generate heliocentric charts if you check off the right boxes. it's fun to play with. the big change is you no longer have a sun sign, you have an earth sign, and it is opposite whatever your natal sun sign is in tropical (eg i'm a taurus sun, but in heliocentric i have my earth in scorpio.)

that seems like a long post but seriously it just scratches the surface. i hope it helps anyway, and maybe spurs some further investigation! thank you for the excellent question <3 will definitely be reblogging this one for posterity~

#astrology #sidereal #tropical #vedic #draconic #heliocentric #geocentric #astrology charts

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dreamofmetoday · 1 year

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What exactly makes you think that le sserafims target audience are otaku-coded men and what is the „wholesome porn“ category?

just to clarify, a target market is defined as a group of people that have been identified as the most likely potential customers for something due to shared characteristics such as age, income, gender, attitudes, interests, values and lifestyle. you cannot run a business or effectively promote a product without a target market.

it’s not a secret that young to middle aged men make up a huge chunk of consumers of kpop girl groups in general, and given that kpop is predominantly indulging in visible content (concerts, music videos, stages etc). i think it’s just common sense and experience of how the industry has worked that makes it obvious who le sserafim is targeted towards - since we can see it with our own eyes. they have racier and more “grown up” outfits than other groups, their choreos are more sexual, the way their videos are filmed have more suspicious angles etc.

le sserafim including two minors in their debut just makes this worse but the group was already not for me or not something i was comfortable with anyway. if i were to compare it to newjeans, which is also a girl group under hybe that debuted minors, the actual target market is already extremely different - newjeans seems to be the girl group hybe has chosen for the next biggest market, young girls who will be dedicated fans for years (they’re the “unnie” group for school aged girls and young teens). they’re given extra long safety shorts, childish and usually colourful styling, sillier choreo that’s easy to follow etc.

though to make it clear again, i don’t support the debut of young minors in the industry, but that’s why i implied le sserafim is the “worst” of the two to me.

tw for p*dophilia below:

the wholesome porn aspect of kpop is one of those secrets that isn’t really a secret. the industry has p*dpohilic, overly sexual undertones which has existed for years (and only calmed down more within the last 5 years or so despite still being present). that’s why there was an abundance of groups catered towards men (sexy concepts and sweet “i am ur gf” concepts) and even partly why they are literally called idols as opposed to singers, with an image that is supposed to be virginal. more specific examples include how tzuyu was mistreated as a minor, wonyoung dancing to side to side on a survival show, and seungri’s v.v.i.p music video in which it implies he literally sleeps with a little girl.

this is what someone who worked on produce 101, the survival show, had to say:

The PD answered, “If a program is solid and organized well, people regardless of gender watch. The issue is with quality. The reason why we did the female version first is, I don’t know how to express it. It was from the thought that we needed to create wholesome pornography for males. (laughs) If you look at the contestants, they look like your younger sister or niece but aren’t they cute? I wanted to make that style of pornography.

end of tw.

this is why i don’t “support” le sserafim or want to do readings on how the group itself is operating because we already know the answer: hybe is going to give these men want they want because it’s literally why this group was created.

i hope this makes sense to you and other people who may read this answer. it’s not an attack on the girls themselves or more normal fans of the group 💗

#answered #long answer #kpop tarot #kpop #melody tarot #tarot #celebrity tarot #newjeans #le sserafim #personal #feminism

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ahappybeginning · 2 years

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Hi!

Welcome to my secondary, non-fandom blog I started for the purpose of sharing a very personal and life-changing journey I’m embarking on. Actually, this process started just about 3 months ago, in early May 2022, when I had my first appointment with a bariatric surgeon to discuss the options of weight loss surgery. I’ve struggled with being overweight/obese for most of my life, and though I’ve had a few ups and downs in the past, over the last 3 years, things progressed to a point where I knew if I didn’t drastically change something, my life would be at serious risk. And while I’ve also struggled with depression and low self worth for most of my life, the prospect of slowly dying from obesity scared me enough to finally take action. And so here I am, currently in the process of preparing for having the gastric sleeve surgery in the next several weeks (no official date yet but the latest projection put it sometime in September). I’ve already made huge strides in my pre-op progress, managing to lose 50 lbs in 2 1/2 months. And yesterday, 7/24/22, I hit the goal weight I was given to move forward with the surgery. I don’t think I can properly put into words the excitement, joy, and pride I felt when I stepped on the scale and saw that magic number. It’s been a hard road even just in this beginning part, and I’m sure it will only become more challenging as my surgery draws nearer and then even more during the initial healing period where I’ll be the most restricted. But the really amazing thing is, what I thought would be the biggest hurdle - changing my mindset about having to completely change my diet and find the will to care enough about myself to be healthy - has actually been where I’ve made the most progress. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I’m living, not just existing. And I know it can only get better from here.

So because of that, I decided to make this blog and share my journey with anyone who cares to follow it. I don’t want to be embarrassed or ashamed of this decision, or myself, anymore. I want to talk about the hard stuff, as well as celebrate my accomplishments openly without having to edit myself to be more socially accepted. I’m fat. That’s just a fact. But that doesn’t define me, and though I’m working to lose a good chunk of that weight, I know with 100% certainty that I’m doing it for myself and ONLY for myself, for my own health and happiness, which has been the main missing component of all my other weight loss attempts.

So if you have any desire to follow along with my ups and downs of bariatric life, I am excited to share it with you all. Because like it or not, this is a big part of who I am, and I’m done apologizing for it or hiding it away. I want to be open and honest about what it’s like for me, both physically and emotionally, because I feel like I never really have been before, and at (almost) 36, it’s time for my happy beginning to start. ❤️

#personal #weight loss #bariatric surgery #bariatric sleeve #a happy beginning #kudos to anyone who knows the reference of the blog title #it’s a bit obscure but it resonates with me and fits perfectly for what I want for this blog and myself

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crucifixinhell · 2 years

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Oooh I just checked out the description for the Sandman Slim series. It sounds hella fun! xD Could you tell us more? Please feel free to monologue ;)

OKAY

Everyone be grateful for the new long post feature. I personally am very grateful for this very lovely anon who gave me an excuse to monologue at great length.

The reason this took me so long to answer is because I ended up rereading the first book (and most of the second) in the process... (I've lost count of rereads lol)

Reasons I love Sandman Slim:

1. It's this glorious mishmash of genres. I'd loosely categorize the first book as a spaghetti western revenge story set in an LA urban fantasy with angels and demons and a decent chunk of horror. (I love the world building. Some of the Christian theology was inspired by string theory.)

2. The narration isn't my usual style, but it's pretty fun in a lot of ways, because Stark (narrator/main character) is very direct. So his POV is easy to read. There's very few adverbs and a lot of the dialogue has minimal tags. (I'm pretty sure this is because Stark doesn't really have much emotional awareness. But.) Also, Stark's sense of humor is basically mine. Even if I don't get a lot of his references because he really likes obscure movies.

4. Stark is an asshole. Holy shit, he's an asshole. He's a very flawed person. Richard Kadrey (author) describes the series as "a monster learning how to be human" for a reason. Stark comes out of Hell and doesn't know how to not be an asshole. (He wasn't great at it before Hell, but he was also 19, so.) He mostly tries to do the right thing for the people he cares about, but he's incredibly terrible at it. This will make you want to yell at him, but also, if you like a proper antihero? This is a proper antihero. In Hell, they call him the monster who kills monsters. (A defining quote from very early on: "I hate cops and I fucking hate goody-goody hero types, but there is some shit I will not put up with if it happens in front of me.")

5. Stark has a huge case of PTSD (and probably some other stuff, but I don't think that ever gets diagnosed in-world) and it affects every aspect of his life. It affects how he looks at things, how he acts, and how he thinks in ways he doesn't even notice. So... like how PTSD/mental illness actually affects people. Which is so incredibly refreshing to read. And it's well-done/realistic, imo.

Stark has PTSD and is a dick about it for a long time. He refuses to acknowledge his time in Hell was an issue. He has some of the worst coping mechanisms on the planet and they hurt himself and the people around him until he starts accepting help. (Monster learning how to be human!) He can't reconcile who he used to be with who he is after Hell. He's suicidal and/or engaging in self-harming behaviors for large portions of the series. But he gets better.

7. It takes (I think) nine books to explicitly get there, but Stark is queer and he dates a non-binary person. I say explicitly because a) he more or less talks about all genders in the same way, even if he's usually only involved with women, and b) he describes Lucifer as a bad-decision fuck in the second book. I had my suspicions. Also, there's a couple poly relationships throughout. So that's cool. There's never a whole lot of identity conversation because the world is always ending. I love representation that is just. There.

9. They're just... entertaining books with fun characters. There's a zombie-killing Czech porn star. There's a bartender who reacts to a charred-up, scarred-up stranger talking about murder by saying that the potential dead people probably deserve it (Carlos is awesome). There's an angel working for Homeland Security. There's an immortal French alchemist stubbornly refusing to lose his accent. There's an excommunicated sin-eating priest whose sins get eaten in a ritual involving Johnny Cash. I love them all.

#anon if you ever want any firstborn children I'll steal some for you #subpoint on all of this is that it's very fun to write alternate povs for this series #bc stark doesn't acknowledge pain/trauma for long but. holy moly. there's so much there #anyways read sandman slim kids #oh the r word gets used a couple times in the first book but i think that's it? the author is aware and apologizes for his fuck ups soo.#sandman slim #crucifix talks #anon asks #answered #one day I'm gonna explore Stark's trauma in regards to sex bc there's more than a few mentions/implications there. but.#first i gotta finish some stuff lol #crucifix recs #gonna make that a tag for my own organizational sake lol

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elbertoko · 4 months

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#IFTTT #the sleepy head

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maggie-parks · 1 year

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Pre-project writing: Identity & Place

My name is Maggie. I am 26 years old, born on July 19,1996. I am going to school for a BFA in K-12 Visual Art Education. I’m on track to graduate in the spring of 2025. I stopped going to school after I got an associate's degree in 2017 and moved to Bloomington, Indiana for 3 years. I stepped away from visual art and focused on making a place for myself in the music industry. I started a small indie music label, I was a promoter booking shows every weekend, I was steadily growing a roster of artists as a booking agent, and I was doing my own graphic design for admats, album art, and merch. I really felt like I was playing my cards right and was on my way to working with more prominent agencies and festivals. Live music was what I lived for and it became a huge part of my identity. It helped me break out of my shell and take more initiative, I was becoming more outgoing and pushing through my social anxiety.

And then 2020 happened. And everything shut down. And suddenly everything that I had taken years to build was gone. I felt lost and like a part of myself was missing. And then within the span of a year my grandma died, my grandpa died, and my dog died. My mental health rapidly regressed. I became extremely agoraphobic, my eating disorder became unmanageable and I lost a lot of weight, I was unhealthy and unable to work. I’ve been spending the last 3 years slowly getting healthy again and rebuilding my identity. I started making art again and decided to go back to school. I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that I lost a sense of normalcy for a significant chunk of my twenties and I’m never going to get that time of my youth back. Instead of taking that time to build a sense of identity for myself and figure out who I am as a person, I’ve been reduced to a list of symptoms and diagnoses.

As much as I would like to say my identity feels like it’s defined by something else, like being a woman or having a cultural background, it’s not. I would like to say there’s a place that feels tied to my identity, but there isn’t. People roll their eyes and say “don’t make your mental illness your whole personality”, but my mental illness controls my whole life. It plays a huge role in who I am and has undoubtedly shaped my identity.

If I think about a place that feels tied to my identity, it would be more metaphorical than physical. It’s not uncommon for people to say “I’m at a place in my life where…” or “I’m in a bad head space right now.”. I tend to think about my life like I’m moving along a visual timeline and right now I feel like where I’m at on the timeline is in between two places. One place in my life is being a student in the second half of my 20s, in a long-term relationship, and taking medication for mental illness. The other place I am approaching is being a teacher in my 30s, married, and pregnant/with children. I won’t be able to take medication while pregnant, and there’s a chance that I’ll slip into postpartum depression. I plan to work to get to a better place by then, but there’s a possibility I’ll end up back in the same place, or worse than before.

#identity #place

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humansun · 1 year

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REMOVE THE STIGMA ON SILENCE

Written Sunday, November 27th, 2022 at 7:35AM

Today was the first time in a long time that I did an intense hour-long workout without music. It was surprisingly refreshing!

I reflected on things that are happening in my life, had some ideas come up, powered through difficult hip thrusts, and found it to be very pleasant. Silence was something I thought was odd to have in the background for a good chunk of my life, but I find it helpful at times of tumultuousness.

The question that is lingering over my subconscious mind is what do I want to take away from my time in Vietnam? I haven’t necessarily been going through an identity crisis nor do I feel like I’ve filled in clues about who I am. It feels simpler than I thought it was going to be. I’m in a different country where I am engaging in writing and learning the ropes of how to live here comfortably.

That’s not how I really feel, as Vietnam is a more personal country, but it feels normal. It doesn’t feel like a crazy shift in my life necessarily. I’ve just moved from one place to another to do the same things I wanted to do in Canoga Park - be a better me.

Going through with being a better me is the hard part. Most of the things I want to feel mostly intangible and have to be tested in the actual environment. For example, I want to be a better family member and that is defined as being patient with my parents and grandparents even when they are being emotionally abusive or projecting their negative energy towards me. I want to support my cousins even though it feels like a good chunk of the time, the effort is not reciprocated. I want to be a calmer person, which can only happen through constant active use of mindfulness.

This may have improved significantly during my time in Vietnam, but I think it’s unrealistic to come back and be this completely changed person. My perspective could definitely shift, but I’m not sure that I would be a whole different Betty. That would be unreal and my life is not a movie. It’s my life.

To document a bit of what I appreciate while being here, I’ve listed a few bullet points below of specific aspects of Vietnam that bring me joy:

I’m a huge fan of the vegetation here. It’s rich, even for a bustling city like Ho Chi Minh. I see native plants here that would not thrive in the California dry weather. One of the things I love is that the plants that are often fake in the US, are real and thriving here in the humid weather.

The weather is tropical. The random bouts of rain are comforting to me. I love walking to grab my lunch and feeling the light pitter patter of droplets on me as I head home. When it rains intensely, it’s nice to find a shelter at a local restaurant and wait until it lightens up with the folks around you.

At first, the city was intimidating. It felt like a place I couldn’t overcome. Now though, I’m learning all the districts and what their personalities are like. It’s making it more manageable to be familiar with each region and know how to navigate every place I visit. Slowly, I’m biting off what I can chew and learning through the process.

There are hints of home here. From the bright white tube lights that people use in their homes to the technique in which folks tie their bags with the classic yellow rubber bands, there are little things that remind me of my grandparents and parents. In my childhood bedroom, I used to despise the white light in our rooms because they were too intense, reflecting that of a hospital room. Here in Vietnam, it’s a norm. People quite prefer it as it’s bright and it’s not the yellow dim lighting that Americans prefer. Growing up, my mom used to tie the rubber bands by wrapping the band around the whole bag in order to secure it tightly. It was a method I thought was odd growing up, as there seemed to be only one way to tie a bag with a rubber band and it’s to be consistent in wrapping and doing this until the rubber band ran out of space and it was tight enough. It’s a minute detail that always makes me smile here.

The driving, although hectic and terrifying in many ways, is calculated. As long as the person driving me and those around us are alert, more likely than not, I’ll be okay. I’ve shed a good chunk of tears while on a motorbike, but I think I am underselling how talented Vietnamese folks are in driving these vehicles around the city.

For some reason, I feel like food in Asian culture is becoming way too overplayed, but it does make sense why it has such a huge rep. Food holds a lot of weight not only in my childhood home as a symbol of love, but it also is delicious. Here, I’ve found myself questioning often why everything tastes so good. That’s it. For no reason. Highlights: Coconut water, banh hoi, fresh fruit, and com tam.

Relearning my second language and all it’s customs has been a challenge. I’m grateful that I grew up in my grandparent’s household, because I believe it’s where I retained my second language the best. It’s clear that I have gaps in my vocabulary and sentence structure, but relearning manners and correct language has been helpful and fun. Retaining all of the information and applying it is the difficult part.

Waking up extra early on this side of the world makes me feel ahead. I love being up at 4am and although it sounds crazy, it feels more like a norm on this side as market folks are getting ready to set up shop and the world wakes up around 5 or 6am. I want to keep this going even upon my return back to the US.

I think when I leave here, I’ll definitely miss it. I can already feel my attachments to this city and this country. As for my creative project, I am happy I narrowed it down. Now, I just have to set some realistic deadlines, keep myself accountable, and crank it out!

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ruminativerabbi · 2 years

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Return to Munich?

I spent the week leading up to Shavuot reading Robert Harris’s excellent novel, Munich, which I enjoyed very much and somehow hadn’t gotten to until now. (I usually read books made into movies before seeing the film, but made the mistake this time of reversing the order. The movie, starring Jeremy Irons, George McKay, and Jannis Niewöhner, was good enough—but I found the book to be far more compelling.) Nor was this an unusual choice for me: I’ve been a huge fan of Harris since his 1992 breakout bestseller, Fatherland, and have read all of his books published since then. I especially liked his “Cicero” trilogy (the books were published in the U.S. as Imperium, Conspirata, and Dictator), which books were and are the best and most exciting lawyer-novels I’ve read. But Harris’ several books that are set against the background of events leading up to or taking place during the Second World War (Fatherland, Enigma, Munich, and V-2) are in a class by themselves. I recommend them all.

I was drawn to read Munich specifically because of the parallel I am seeing increasingly clearly between the situation facing the world in 1938, when the Germans were about to go to war for the sole purpose of seizing the territory of a country—in this case Czechoslovakia—that it felt had no “real” right to exist, and the one facing us now in 2022, as Russia pursues a war of ruthless brutality against a neighboring country regarding which its leader feels similarly. Nor are those the only parallels: the fact that a serious portion of the Czechoslovak population in the region called the Sudetenland was made up of ethnic Germans who spoken German as their native tongue and who regarded Germany as their homeland gave Hitler the fig leaf he at that point still felt he needed to justify invasion as liberation, not at all unlike the way that Vladimir Putin has attempted to justify his invasion of Ukraine with reference to the 17.5% of the Ukrainian population that self-defines as ethnically Russian.

The world remembers Neville Chamberlain, British P.M. from 1937 to 1940, as the quintessential appeaser, as the man who famously signed over the territory of someone else’s country to the Germans for the sake of preserving “peace in our time,” words that have come to have—to say the very least—a hollow ring when spoken against the background of what was yet to come. (The Munich Conference of 1938 took place precisely so that France and the U.K. could feel good—or, at least, less bad—about stepping back from their unambiguous commitment to defend the territorial integrity of Czechoslovakia so that the Germans wouldn’t need to start an actual war to seize the territory they wished to acquire.) The point of Harris’s novel is to provide some shading for that portrait of Chamberlain as a gun-shy coward who was prepared to do anything at all to keep Hitler from going to war, much less as a fool who lacked the insight to see through Hitler’s phony assurances that the transfer of the Sudetenland to German control constituted the sole territorial adjustment that Germany wished to make to the map of Europe.

The ”real” issue, Harris suggests, was the fact that there was no way imaginable that Britain could have won if war had broken out in 1938—at which time the Royal Air Force had exactly twenty fighter planes “with working guns” to protect the entire nation—and that behind Chamberlain’s endlessly mocked decision to hand over a serous chunk of someone else’s to Germany was his need to stall for time so that Britain could be far more ready to fight before war actually did break out. And, indeed, it seems quite correct that the outcome of the Battle of Britain was as it was precisely because it began in the summer of 1940 instead of in 1938. When a nation is motivated by the almost certain knowledge that it is about to face a ruthless foe in all-out war, two years can be a long time!

I have been drawn to reading about Munich lately because I see a certain level of Ukraine-fatigue setting into our national approach to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. No longer a front-page issue unless a significant number of civilians are killed, the war has settled into our national consciousness as a bad thing happening to someone else’s country by an aggressor nation we hold no sympathy for…but who we also have zero interest in actually going to war against.

Nor am I intuiting this based on my own survey of the news: President Biden published an essay in the Times just last week in which he made that precise point unambiguously and plainly. The President started off by explaining that our goal in Ukraine is straightforward and clear: our nation wants, he wrote, “to see a democratic, independent, sovereign, and prosperous Ukraine with the means to deter and defend itself against further aggression.” And then he went on to opine that, in his opinion, only a diplomatic solution will serve truly to end the conflict. Nor did the President look away from the fact that the Russians do not seem eager or even slightly inclined to resolve the conflict peacefully. Indeed, our commitment to continue to provide the Ukrainians with the kind of arms and rocket systems they will need to keep the Russians from winning the war is rooted, he wrote clearly, in the assumption that those negotiations will come about precisely when the Russians finally realize they have embarked on a war they simply cannot win.

And then the President got to his real point. “So long as the United States or our allies are not attacked,” he wrote unambiguously, “we will not be directly engaged in this conflict, either by sending American troops to fight in Ukraine or by attacking Russian forces. We are not enabling or encouraging Ukraine to strike beyond its borders. We do not want to prolong the war just to inflict pain on Russia.” So that was clear enough and the President’s principles were no less transparent. We want the Ukrainians to win. We will provide them with billions of dollars’ worth of arms. We will stand by them diplomatically and emotionally. But we will not enter this war. In other words, we’ll do what we can—but if the Ukrainians lose, they will have to live with the consequences of their own defeat. (To read the President’s essay in full, click here.)

Is Joe Biden our Neville Chamberlain? Or, to ask the same question in different words: is our decision to support Ukraine with money and guns but ultimately to leave the Ukrainians to their fate the moral equivalent of the decision of the French and British more than eighty years ago to denounce the German threat to invade Czechoslovakia but ultimately to leave the Czechs and Slovaks to theirs? The parallel is not exact. The Brits and the French specifically did not send massive amounts of money and arms to Czechoslovakia. The Germans specifically hadn’t invaded and were only threatening to—and the Munich Agreement actually did result in a peaceful transfer of territory without simultaneously plunging the world into war. But it also gave the Germans another year to prepare their offense and to stockpile their weapons so that when, a year later, Germany unilaterally invaded Poland (and without first asking the permission of the U.K. or France), their success in crushing the Poles was more or less guaranteed. Where things went from there, we all know—so the real question, the one that matters, is what would have happened if the Munich Conference had never taken place, if Germany launched a military invasion of Czechoslovakia, and if the U.K. and France had gone to war forcefully and aggressively in 1938. Would Germany have been defeated? Would the rest, including the Shoah, never have happened? If the French and the Brits had honored their commitment to Czechoslovakia’s territorial integrity, would events have quickly led to regime change in Berlin? Would the U.S. have joined such a principled, just war against a ruthless aggressor state…or would FDR still have dithered until the Japanese finally forced our hand?

These are tantalizing questions that have no answers. Czechoslovakia’s so-called allies declined to honor their commitments and allowed themselves to feel good about betraying an ally by telling themselves that Hitler probably meant it when he insisted that his troops would only cross the border into another country this one single time. Putin too has indicated that he has no plan to occupy the countries of the former Soviet Union one by one, much less that he hopes to paste back together the old USSR and recast it as a new Russian Empire. Nor, of course, does the fact that Hitler betrayed his own pledge necessarily imply that Putin will. In the best-case scenario, Ukraine wins. In the second-best-case scenario, Ukraine loses and Putin honors his commitment to attack no other nations. Well worth noting is that no nation of the former Soviet Union is a member of NATO, so all Putin really has to do to avoid a World War with the West is to keep his hands off of Finland and Sweden, supposing they manage to join NATO. If the West wouldn’t intervene to save Ukraine, why would anyone expect it to intervene to save Latvia or Moldova? I suppose we all know the answer to that question. And so, of course, does Vladimir Putin.

Looking back, there are lessons to be learned. Of them, the simplest are that buying bullies off rarely works in the long run, that peace and appeasement are similar concepts only etymologically and not at all politically, and that fantasizing that giving in to a bully’s demands will somehow discourage that bully from making even more demands is folly. For the moment, the Ukrainians appear to be holding their own. But time is on the Russians’ side—and in a very big way. So the real question is what we will do if the tide turns dramatically and a Ukrainian defeat seems imminent. That is the question to which we, the people, should be demanding an answer and which the President specifically failed to address in his op-ed piece. We should be demanding the answer to that question now, long before we have actually come to that crossroads and have to make a game-time decision which path to take forward.

#Neville Chamberlain #Vladimir Putin #Adolph Hitler #Munich Accord #1938

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bkdkology · 3 years

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A Katsuki Meta

Howdy, I am back on my shit again after Atsushi’s twitter post of Horikoshi’s drafts made me cry for two hours and sleep for three.

Let’s get to it!

While there is obvious symbolism in this draft of Katsuki letting go of his past self, you have to appreciate just how much planning has been dedicated to this series, and how Horikoshi has managed to take a character that could’ve strictly followed a checklist of stereotypes for a hot headed, short tempered deuteragonist and build him to become just as complex and important as the protagonist.

He kept true to the promise he made when the chapter releases were still in the single digits:

Katsuki’s character is one of the easiest to mishandle. He was introduced as a bully, and maintained an explosively vile personality throughout a good chunk of the series. His most obvious traits are the marks of a FOIL to Deku, and he could have well stayed that way and still ended up becoming a good pro, with the usual AHA moment that a deuteragonist like him experiences: a moment where he learns that power isn’t everything.

Except he didn’t have a moment, he had several. He was kidnapped, tossed around, ripped to shreds, challenged, loved, trusted, admired, understood and practically reborn. The fact that he’s managed to stay true to himself after everything means he always had the makings of a great hero in him.

I wouldn’t say I’m a person who’s particularly capable of insane and correct deep level thinking, and on top of that I’m INCREDIBLY EASY to impress. For me it’s like:

You know how Earth needed to be at the exact distance it is from the sun and have the perfect atmosphere to create life? Katsuki’s story is much like that.

If anyone else but Deku had been telling the story, if Deku hadn’t been as persistent, strong willed, and caring as he is, and if everything that happened to Katsuki didn’t happen in the exact order and manner it did, he wouldn’t have been as great as he is now. And while that’s simple enough to say, it’s truly such a beautiful thing to bear witness to.

We’re 300 chapters and nearly 6 years into MHA and we’ve seen.

Katsuki go from refusing to work with others to becoming a great team leader.

His focus has always been on one thing: victory. In almost every situation, he’s had his eye on the win. It wasn’t always the case when Deku was involved, because Deku was so different from him in a way that made him feel threatened. And it’s something that has most likely been on his mind for a long time.

He’s become more comfortable with his vision since his fight with Deku, and it was probably liberating in an emotional sense too. His fight with Deku didn’t just realign and solidify his own views on life, but made him more accepting of himself and absolved him of some of his heaviest insecurities.

Katsuki letting go of his superiority complex to better himself.

In the days leading up to his fight with Deku, he was also fighting an internal battle for “being the reason behind All Might’s end.”

I wouldn’t argue that he was feeling guilty. While it was surely part of it, it shouldn’t be minimized to only guilt. The expressions on his face throughout the fight were incredible, he was angry, frustrated, confused, scared, quite clearly as he claimed, he just didn’t know what the hell he should do, so he fought.

By the time he interned at Endeavor’s agency, he was already well aware that he had faults, which is a huge step for him, and he was beginning the process of pinpointing those faults.

His unwillingness to work with Deku dissolves

After reaching a certain point in the manga, it’s become hard for me to imagine a time when Katsuki full on rejected Deku. In the first few volumes Katsuki got worse before he got better. He was in a comfortable position bullying Deku in middle school, but when he started to experience failure, when he witnessed Deku becoming stronger at a faster rate than him, he couldn’t even enjoy the fact that he was going to school where his favorite role model was teaching.

Now, after everything, Katsuki was opening up to Deku. They started training together to help Deku gain control of OFA. And not just that, Katsuki was invested in the long term. While he shared the secret of OFA with Deku long before anyone else found out about it, he later started to shoulder some of the weight too, and he was good at it.

He called small might out for keeping secrets from Deku, claiming Deku trusted him with his life, but he wasn’t as easily convinced, pointing out a detail in the descriptions of the past users that might’ve gone over Deku’s head. He’s always been brilliant, but now he’s using that brilliance to actively try to become involved with Deku’s burden.

He’s changed in obvious ways, but in subtle ones too.

After so much time, this panel is still really hard to look at. If you’ve ever suffered at the hands of bullies, you probably feel like there’s little satisfaction in their story even though so much has changed between them, there’s still a long way to go, there’s still a huge piece missing. Deku is way too forgiving, I don’t think he ever held anything against Katsuki for the way he treated him in the past. Katsuki is still hard with words, since the last time he bullied Deku, he has never said anything he doesn’t mean.

Katsuki has never been the type to lie. He doesn’t beat around the bush, he doesn’t pretend to be somebody he’s not, and while that part of him hasn’t changed, the way in which he delivers has. His heart has changed, and while I don’t recall a moment where he hasn’t been able to live up to his big claims, his confidence has changed from being used to mask his insecurity, to a healthier confidence that can lead, support, protect, and save.

To think that this moment is the moment that solidified Katsuki’s path to greatness, the fact that his capabilities and brilliance have always made his future bright, he’s gone above and beyond his own expectations of the world and how it works. In the world of scientific journals, there is always a gap in the knowledge of the scientific community, a gap in the understanding of how the world works. When you find that gap, something incredible happens.

He let go of the past. Katsuki, who envisioned a life where he made it big because he knew he could. Katsuki, who was always self driven. Katsuki, who loves the taste of victory. Katsuki, who categorized the world and people around him in terms of power. Katsuki, who believed only the powerful could become strong.

Deku was the one thing in his life that didn’t fit in his picture of the world. To him, his understanding of how the world worked was defined by the strong, the weak, the good and the bad. He couldn’t understand how empathy and vulnerability could make someone strong.

I’m really excited to see where Katsuki goes from here. There’s still so much for him to discover, and he’s so, so close to the end stage of his metamorphosis.

#bakugou katsuki #bkdk #bakudeku #katsuki bakugou #ktdk #katsudeku #my hero academia #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #Katsuki meta #kacchan

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doubleca5t · 4 years

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i know you’re not a fan of the citrus anime, but is the manga any good?

short answer: no

long answer:

if you spend any amount of time in the yuri fandom, you will eventually have to contend with Citrus. It’s one of the most popular manga in the genre, so it’s kind of unavoidable. And whenever Citrus comes up, you’ll usually hear from a lot of people telling you not to read it because the core premise of Citrus is two girls, Mei and Yuzu, falling in love shortly after becoming STEP-SISTERS, and the first few chapters involve Mei repeatedly sexually assaulting Yuzu (this actually goes the other way around at one point as well, though that doesn’t exactly make things any better). I am here to tell you that those people are wrong.

Let me explain.

Citrus is an infuriating 10 volume cocktease of a manga. What I mean by this is that reading Citrus, it gives you the impression that it could get really good like any chapter now, and then it just never does. The art is good, the main character, Yuzu, is super compelling and entertaining (and imo I think she’s the reason this manga has such a massive fanbase because she can be a Mood And A Half sometimes), it’s got some pretty strong emotional moments and a lot of good comedy here and there. But this is a situation where the whole is very much less than the sum of its parts. This manga has a lot of elements that are individually satisfying, but they don’t come together into a compelling narrative. I think there are two big overarching reasons why.

1) Citrus does not create and resolve conflicts in a satisfying way

A romance manga like Citrus is very much about the journey, not the destination. You know Mei and Yuzu are going to get together, it’s just a matter of how they get together and what sort of obstacles keep that from happening until the very end. This is why so many romance manga rely on tsundere/enemies-to-lovers scenarios. The harder it is for the characters to admit their true feelings for each other, the more you can stretch out the narrative and the more chapters of manga you can get out of it. A good example of this in the yuri world is Bloom into You, where the main characters have done so many mental gymnastics to convince themselves they either can’t love or can’t be loved that as the audience you’re like “shit, I know these two are gonna get together eventually but how the fuck are they gonna get out from this nonsense?”

Citrus has no goddamn idea how to do this.

A huge chunk of the first four volumes is spent introducing side characters who appear to be potential romantic rivals for either Mei or Yuzu. These characters can be pretty entertaining in their own right, but all the dramatic tension around them falls consistently flat. The solution to every problem presented by these rivals is just talking to whichever girl they were interested in, because said girl (either Mei or Yuzu) was never interested in the rival to begin with. These arcs feel unsatisfying because the way the problem is resolved would suggest, on some level, that these were never problems in the first place. All of this could have been avoided if the characters had just talked to each other.

And this same problem rears its head near the end of the series as well, the worst example being the ending. Mei separates from Yuzu suddenly and in dramatic fashion because her grandfather is forcing her into what is essentially an arranged marriage. The chapter where we learn about this is legitimately emotionally affecting, with the slow build-up to Yuzu learning that Mei never wants to see her again. It gets you in a way that nothing else in this series really does. But then the solution to all of this is just Yuzu proposing to Mei? And the whole family just goes along with this?? Despite them being step sisters???? Like you’d think the problem here is that Mei’s grandfather is very traditional and conservative. Like he doesn’t just want her to get married before she took over the academy, he wants her to marry a specific person from a rich family that he chose. But no, apparently the step sister marriage is a-ok! which means the only real problem here is that Mei didn’t tell Yuzu about any of this shit until it was already in motion, which brings us to the second core issue:

2) Mei does not change or improve

Mei causes a huge percentage of the conflict in this series. And not only does she cause it, she causes it in exactly the same way over and over again. Mei’s big, defining character flaw is that she’s emotionally distant and bad at communicating. Because of this, Mei repeatedly conceals information from Yuzu for, at least as far as the audience can tell, no discernible reason, creating conflict that never needed to be there. This takes the form of the previously mentioned final chapters, the first volume or so where Mei forces herself onto Yuzu rather than just telling her how she feels, that whole nonsense with Sara, and so, so much more. Citrus runs on the logic of a corny 90s sitcom. Every problem is based on a misunderstanding or a miscommunication, so everything can be resolved if the characters just fucking talked to each other. This sort of storytelling can work if you’re writing a farce (like every other Shakespeare comedy was based on a case of mistaken identity) but in a drama it’s fucking infuriating.

It would be one thing if there was an arc where the core problem was that Mei doesn’t know how to communicate, and at the end of that arc, she realizes what the problem is and spends the rest of the series actively trying to improve. That would be fine. But instead, no matter how many times Mei is shown that failing to talk to her step-sister/gf causes nothing but trouble, she just... keeps doing it, either because Saburouta thinks that’s such an important element of her character that it’s not possible to change it, or because it’s a cheap and easy way to add conflict to a relationship where none would exist otherwise.

I think the final straw for me was when I tried reading Citrus+, which takes place after Yuzu’s proposal in the final chapter of Citrus. Within the first volume, Mei goes right back to her old tricks of being moody and evasive and leaving Yuzu to guess at what might be wrong. THESE TWO ARE FUCKING ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED, BUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN STUCK IN THE SAME PLACE SINCE VOLUME 5 BECAUSE MEI CAN’T IMPROVE! At some point, it starts to feel like that line about the definition of insanity from Far Cry 3. You’re just doing the same shit over and over again expecting different results.

So to put it bluntly, it would be inaccurate to say that you shouldn’t read Citrus because it’s about a pair of step-sisters taking turns sexually assaulting each other.

You shouldn’t read Citrus because it sucks.

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majorsoapfan · 3 years

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Umbrella Academy Season 3 Wish list

This is a long one so buckle up:

Let Klaus and Allison take centre-stage this season in leading the plot. Both are incredible characters and deserve the chance to shine. And I can think of several reasons why they deserve the chance to take centre-stage: out of the whole Academy their powers are some of the most fascinating and in Klaus’ case he has so many that haven’t been revealed yet. They’ve both suffered and lost a lot as well, particularly in season 2 and their hardships tend to get ignored by others. Their relationship together is already really interesting and supportive and they would be an awesome team up. There’s more but I’ll be here forever if I tried to list them.

No Apocalypse. The world ending in eight days was a great plot driver in season 1 and again in season 2 with the reveal that the end of the world actually followed the Umbrella’s back in time. But if the same thing gets repeated over and over then I’m worried that the show will lose it’s edge as a result. In order for the characters to develop new crisis's need to take its place.

Let Five have a rest. Even if it’s just for an episode or two so he can get a solid eight hours sleep if nothing else. For the last two seasons Five has been running around non-stop trying to stop the end of the world and save his family. Without that Five can grow as a person and get a literal break that he really hasn’t gotten in 45 years.

Oh course that doesn’t mean I want Five out of the drama entirely and I do expect to see Reginald and Five scenes in season 3. Five is the only one of his original children that the bastard seemed to tolerate and he did seem to have some form of twisted respect for Five as well. And I wouldn’t put it past the monocle monster to have some twisted plans in store for the eldest member of the Umbrella Academy. He’s had fifty years to plan for the Umbrella’s return after all.

The Sparrows. I just saw the line up of the Sparrows for season three and I am honestly so interested. I can’t wait to see what their powers are like and I already have some ideas. They have so much potential and hopefully they’ll be done well. And so far they seem to be written as the Umbrella’s foils. Marcus is a natural leader who loves his family, while Luther forces himself into the role and alienated his family as a result. Both Ben and Diego long to be the leader but while Diego is more emotional, Ben’s more strategic. Five is driven by his love and desire to protect his family, while Sloane feels held back by hers. Vanya was treated as an outcast and betrayed her siblings trust while Christopher, a literal Cube, is said to be loyal and is treated as a loved family member

That being said though, I don’t want the Sparrows to be the main focus this season or have the attention split between them and the Umbrella’s. Because while I do want to see the Sparrows and their family dynamic and how they interact with the Umbrella’s, I would prefer to see how the Umbrella Hargreeves’ cope with their existent and how this impacts them and how they move forward with this. Or a team up between Sparrows and Umbrella’s would be fine. Or multiple team ups, I’m not picky.

There is a really good fan theory out there about Klaus and Five being twins and while I know that in the comics it’s Luther and Five, the fan theory in season 3 would be so much better in my opinion. And in all honesty it makes so much more sense. Physically they are strikingly similar, especially as children. Their powers both concentrate in their hands and emit a blue glow when they use them. Their powers themselves are literally time and death, which are linked and they have additive personalities, which can be inherited between family members. And I can’t help but feel that this moment:

lends a new level to their relationship then what we see with them as adults. Look at how alike they are! And that fond smile that Five is giving Klaus? Making them twins opens up a wide range of possibilities for Klaus and Five both character and plot wise.

Give Luther a proper love interest. And I can’t believe that this even has to be said but his sister does not count! Literally all of siblings have have romantic interests, all of them so important in the Umbrella’s life in some way or another. It would be nice too to see Luther form a healthy romantic connection for the first time in his life.

While I’m on the subject of Luther and healthy relationships, it also brings me back to the Sparrows and how their number one Marcus seems to be Luther’s foil. And it would be interesting for the show to explore just how seeing the Sparrows and someone so similar to Luther might just affect him. He did spend thirty years of his life after all being Reginald’s little solider and believing that his position as Number One made him the family leader only to find out it was all for nothing. Only Marcus seems to be respected in his position as leader and loves his family dearly, while Luther was mocked and seems to have driven all of his siblings bar Allison away from him because of it. This has incredible potential for Luther’s character arc this season especially if it makes him acknowledge his behaviour to his siblings as they were growing up; particularly to Klaus and Vanya who probably got the worst of it. Allison after all was his closest companion, Diego was his rival (more or less), Ben seemingly got on with everyone and Five would have bitten Luther’s head off if he tried anything. But Reginald’s disappointments Klaus and Vanya? Luther, wanting to impress their dad and follow his orders probably didn’t treat them the best. And I want Luther to admit that and apologise and make the next step in becoming a better person and brother. He’s made incredible progress in season 2, but I don’t want his past treatment of his siblings to be swept under the rug. It needs to be acknowledged and Luther needs to admit it was wrong so he can grow.

Can we get Diego’s season one hair back too? I wondered just how it got that long considering that he was only in the sixties for around three months. Klaus makes sense as he was in the sixties for years. Plenty of time for him to grow it out, not really for Diego. But I really prefer his season one hair so can it make a comeback please?

What I want to see for Vanya this season is for her to realize that she doesn’t need powers to be special. I kinda noticed that she seems to have defined her worth on her powers and that’s not healthy. So a potential scenario: Reginald seems to have made the power-suppressing drug himself, so he may still have it in season 3. Imagine Vanya getting a dose of it that knocks her powers out for a good chunk of time and in the meantime some of her siblings are in danger (I’m picturing Luther and Diego here the himbos) and she ends up saving them. Not with her powers but because of her intelligence and other skills that she has and she realizes that she doesn’t need her powers to be special or to save the day. A logical step in character growth.

Getting some closure on season 2 character like Sissy, Ray, Grace, the Cult (which I really didn’t like) and the Swede and what happened to them once the Umbrella’s left the sixties. And maybe finding out what happened to season one’s characters since the Umbrella’s didn’t exist in this timeline: Agnes, Patch, Leonard, Pogo, Claire.

For Klaus and Umbrella Ben to talk about their issues and make up. I know that our Ben is now up there with the little girl in the sky but that has not stopped Klaus from visiting heaven before. And I think that if Klaus and Ben do not get at least one final conversation to talk through their issues next season then I will sue. They both did crappy things to each other in season two but they both love each other dearly and they deserve the chance to get the closure they both need. I think that Klaus will definitely need it in order to move on completely.

I know I said no Apocalypse but I’m still going to be expecting some major crisis to happen during the last few episodes. An alien invasion or Sparrows trying to kill the Umbrella's maybe? But no matter what the problem is, I really want Klaus to get his moment to shine by being the one to save the day. Reginald said himself that Klaus has untapped potential and we know thanks to the comics what other powers he has. And thanks to Ben’s antics at the family dinner the old bastard has probably written him off as useless and not a threat when making plans to deal with the Umbrella’s. Which means nobody is going to be looking at Klaus or considering him a potential threat to their plans, leaving Klaus relatively safe to start exploring and enhancing his powers. He was supposed to be the one to have done it in season one with the moon and his abilities were brushed to the side completely in season two or used for Ben’s benefit so I think he’s long overdue his moment to shine. And maybe then will the rest of his siblings stop seeing Klaus as a joke.

Lila. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of her, her story felt unfinished and she does have a briefcase. She could pop at any moment in the story. She has so much potential and I did love her actress. Imagine her and Five forcing to team up or something? Or maybe her and Allison?

Another character I’d like to see return is Hazel. He’s someone who really grew on me. And there is a chance that he could return and maybe team up with the Umbrella’s this season. Potential scenarios: Five on the hunt for allies to help him restore the timeline hunts down Hazel who in this timeline is working with the Commission and because the Umbrellas don’t exist hasn’t met Agnes yet. Maybe something happened to her because of the Sparrows?

Finally Dave. I’m a huge Dave fan but I really don’t want him to show up in season three. Or if he does then for the smallest amount of time possible just to give Klaus some ‘closure’. Time travel is in the Umbrella Academy universe after all and it’s possible that by Klaus warning Dave about his faith and causing him to enlist earlier and in a different branch as a result he’s saved Dave and opened up the possibility of seeing Commission!Dave later. Which is the perfect storyline for season 4. Season three is only 10 episodes long and there’ll be a lot going on already so shoving Dave into what will already be a pretty packed season won’t give Dave the attention he deserves and will take away from the other focus. Not only that but Klaus’ motivation for the last two seasons is doing something for either Dave or Ben. I want to see Klaus train his powers either for himself or to help someone else. Also, Dave deserves the chance to grow as a character as well and making him a part of season 3 would take away from the main focus of the Umbrella’s and Sparrows. Making him a main focus in season four instead if we get one will give a great opportunity story-wise to develop both him and Klaus as individuals and as a couple.

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bpdanakins · 3 years

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i just infodumped to my friends about bpd anakin and i have No Regrets snakjdkajfsk

anyway, doth thee have any more bpd anakin (or just anakin in general) headcanons becuase i am living for this

I am So Sorry this took so long, but hopefully the length makes up for it. Thank you so much for sending this to me bc BPD!Anakin is my entire life. I could talk about it all day, every day.

I’d like to thank @apple-grass-and-smiles for helping me organize my Thoughts on all of this, prompting me to focus on certain things and giving me feedback in general too.

Okay, here goes:

Anakin fidgets!! I’m not even sure if this is a headcanon but if it is I will die on this hill. He can’t stay still for the life of him and doubly so when he’s anxious, nervous or Ready To Do Something Already.

We know Anakin can’t hold eye contact to save his life when he’s upset or insecure, but I can also see him having issues with touch when he’s upset, unless it’s from certain people only (Padmé always gets a pass, for example).

Anakin’s quick to let some small stuff go, but larger things people do that hurt him (whether intentionally or not) aren’t really ever forgotten, and he just kind of takes that in and suppresses it, until random moments when it pops up, he remembers, and it just hurts like it’s happening all over again. The people around him often have no idea what fully sets him off, bc to them, his reaction now seems out of nowhere while his mind’s still stuck on this other thing. - His reactions also seem sometimes like they’re Over The Top, but even just remembering past hurts can feel almost disabling at times. It’s worse when he ends up ruminating on it, because the hurt and feelings of betrayal just keep building up over and over until it almost blots everything else out.

When he’s happy or surrounded by those he loves, everyone kind of can feel it too, bc he’s just fuckoff powerful in the Force and esp other Force sensitives kind of gather around his space and just… his affection and excitement are literally infectious.

This probably runs closer to ADHD than BPD for sure, but get him talking about anything mechanical (robotics, engineering, racing, etc) and he will go from 0 to 100 so fast you’d get whiplash. No one minds though bc, as I said, his excitement is infectious and honestly those around him just adore listening to him go off even though half of it goes over their head. - Ahsoka may not ever get Gotta Go Fast, but she definitely loves it when he really talks her ear off about all this stuff, bc it makes her excited to learn and she picks up on all of it easily. (There’s a part of her that wants to emulate him and she does def look up to him obviously.) - We see it with Obi-Wan, but people love to use his love of all things mechanical as a way to distract him from things that upset him. It doesn’t always work but they try.

With Obi-Wan, he ends up on the side of Anakin’s splitting like, all the time. And unfortunately sometimes Obi-Wan can’t tell that Anakin’s lashing out not because of something Obi-Wan’s actually done, but bc Anakin’s young and Obi-Wan’s the figure he can project a lot of his frustrations on. - It can lead Obi-Wan to being confused and hurt sometimes, bc he doesn’t always understand Anakin’s thought processes when this happens, and it definitely sometimes cuts him to the core. On the reverse side, though Anakin might not always say it to his face, Obi-Wan definitely can overhear him at times when Anakin’s ready to 1v1 anyone who even so much as makes a frowny face about Obi-Wan, which helps Obi-Wan remember that Anakin does love him too, actually. - It ends up being one of the points of frisson between Anakin and Mace, bc Anakin can’t read body language perfectly, especially when it comes to feelings of abandonment or someone seemingly not loving who Anakin loves to the same degree. Mace has a drier sense of humor at times and defs has a more resting frowny face, and this rankles Anakin at times bc he can’t always tell when Mace is just chilling vs being disappointed, and while Anakin will take it all personally, he ALSO takes any perceived criticism to those he loves personally too. - Both Mace and Obi-Wan don’t get this bc they have a perfectly fine relationship. Anakin’s just Like That. - (And super overprotective of people’s perceptions of Obi-Wan. Anakin will go off about Obi-Wan being mean and all that, but fuck you and your entire family tree if you ever even think Obi-Wan’s anything short as the most amazing Jedi to ever Jedi.)

Everybody and their mother can see the pedestal Anakin puts Padmé on, and surprisingly she rarely is on the end of his splitting. When he does, he just internalizes it bc he can’t stand the idea that he’s somehow seen her in a wrong light, or he feels guilty for getting angry with her. - He also defines a huge chunk of his life around loving her, making her his center for a lot of his decisions and reactions, so when they’re off, his whole world seems backwards. It makes him Really uncomfortable and unsure. He gets panicky and upset and often people have no idea what the cause is so they just end up a lil panicky in return. - He tends to take it out on others, by doing an exercise or by disappearing to fiddle with something. - Pads has an easier time recognizing Anakin’s emotional needs, bc in some ways they’re the same as hers. She’s good at reaching out to him, comforting him and reassuring him of her love. And in turn, he like, never fucking shuts up about how much he loves her, and those moments are what make her feel so special around him. Being loved by Anakin makes someone feel important and even get tingly, bubbly happy feelings, because it’s hard to doubt it sometimes. - There’s a part of her that sometimes worries about how Intense he is, but, like I said, when his positive intense emotions are focused on you, it feels wonderful. And he’s genuinely super sweet and gentle, and she appreciates that, when she tells him to back off about something, he’ll listen to her wishes. (I’m using movie Anakin as my base here bc TCW!Anakin in this regard is just…. bad y’all lmao)

Anakin’s anxious about Ahsoka All The Time. He’s afraid he’s a bad teacher, he’s afraid he’ll mess her up somehow, he’s afraid he’ll hurt her or she’ll get hurt, and that’s why he can’t stand the idea sometimes of her being on her own. It’s not a lack of trust in her abilities, but because he feels responsible for her, and that’s why he’s always ready to put himself between her and literally anything that could potentially hurt her. (Even if it’s not a physical threat.) - There are times she finds this amusing and times this makes her angry, but mostly she is long suffering. There are times she appreciates it though, bc she’s still a kid and isn’t always sure which way is up, especially when in a war. Anakin is often a cornerstone for her, and though she’d literally NEVER admit it, his overprotectiveness can sometimes be a reassurance. She knows she can handle herself just fine, but when she has an inkling of doubt, she’ll remind herself that Anakin will be there, and then go and take care of the problem herself. - She doesn’t always get his moments where he’s not always falling over himself to talk Obi-Wan up or go out of his way to sass at him. To her, they have a wonderful relationship and she rarely notices when Obi-Wan might say something that pokes at Anakin wrong, so she often just winds up ???? when Anakin is huffy or annoyed with her grandmaster. - She sees Anakin’s anger issues a little more easily than others, and she worries about it but always brushes it off or downplays it, bc she always sees why he’s angry, and also always just assumes (like everyone else) that he can Handle It. - Anakin’s recklessness and impulsivity are some of her favourite things about being his padawan. He’s literally never boring to be around, and Ahsoka needs that sort of excitement to sometimes push aside the knowledge that she’s literally in a warzone. Anakin’s also really good at doing this intentionally; he’s literally always worrying after her, and all he wants to do is take care of those he loves and make them happy, so sometimes he’ll be Extra just to get under her skin or distract her and honestly this is the basis of where their playful competitions always come from.

If Ahsoka is long suffering, Rex is doubly so. Sometimes it’s all he can do to keep up with Anakin and Ahsoka, but he appreciates Anakin “thinking outside the box”. He also appreciates knowing that Anakin is just as loyal to him and his men as he himself is (well… Anakin is until he isn’t lmao) - Rex, like Pads, is really good at picking up Anakin’s moods and even trains of thought, so he’s always able to work around that, or even see where Anakin’s mind is going when coming up with a plan. They make a really good team bc while Anakin can jump from one idea to another without them seemingly correlated, Rex immediately follows Anakin’s leaps and they just end up in sync. - That being said, Anakin can be really confusing at times. His moods are often so all over the place, that Rex generally has no idea what tf is going on. He deals with it by learning to be calm when Anakin’s unable to, and just ride out Anakin’s worst moods until they pass by, learning not to let it all phase him. Anakin lowkey hates it when he’s upset, but once the worst of it passes, he really appreciates that Rex will just… not press like Obi-Wan, or balances out the moments Anakin’s mind is so cluttered by instead just keeping a good focus on things.

Probably everyone’s most baffling symptom of Anakin’s is his paranoia. Obi-Wan kind of sees it the most, because Anakin is always testy with the Council and often feels put on the spot, dismissed and looked down upon. To everyone else, they don’t get where Anakin’s ideas come from, bc everything seems chill on their end. His fretting about others’ well-being is straightforward enough, but his instant panic-turned-anger shift when he receives any criticism (especially the perceived type) always gives people whiplash. It’s hard to keep up with, hard to see what it was that got to him so much, and hard to know how to help (particularly when they’re worried that trying to help him will feel like “taking sides”). - Ahsoka takes Anakin’s POV of the Council pretty easily, at least when it comes to him. This is mostly bc she’s not there when there’s a meeting or tension around them, nor was she there when Anakin first arrived, so she just assumes they must genuinely often have issues with him too. She doesn’t see it to the extent Anakin does though, but she recognizes that sometimes he seems to blow things out of proportion when he’s upset, and figures it’ll just blow over once he’s calmed down. - Pads, on the other hand, is always kind of aware of Anakin’s fears of losing her. He often not-so-subtly looks for reassurances that she loves him and won’t leave him, that she’s feeling alright or not angry/annoyed with him. She chalks it up to his trauma with his mother (and she’s partially right), so even when sometimes it gets on her nerves that he seems to doubt her so much, she tries to remind herself of that and let it go.

Those closest to him can pick up that Anakin tends to see the negative in things, and is generally really hard on himself. They try to help out by giving praise where it’s due and just overall Being There, but it’s Rough to know they often don’t get through. (Palps, on the other hand, knows how to weaponize this.)

The saddest part is that I don’t think anyone once thought Anakin was Seriously Ill, partly out of ignorance, partly bc they assumed it had to do with his age/upbringing, and partly bc, eventually, everyone was dealing with trauma and even if someone wanted to send Anakin back to the Temple to have a nap or something, they legit couldn’t bc there was a war going on and he also would never have tolerated it at that point in time. - Obi-Wan’s the one who worries about all of this the most, because he’s always felt such a huge responsibility for Anakin and loves him a lot, he’s just never fully been able to understand how to get on the same wavelength as Anakin. - Anakin, too, actually never fully figures out that there is something Going On. Everything’s always overwhelming him and even though he prefers doing things at 100mph, sometimes it seems like there is Too Much going on, and even during peace times it just felt like he couldn’t keep up with everything. He hates internal reflection but also can’t stop overthinking about everything, and so he just ruminates and goes in circles and often just ends up going nowhere when it comes to dealing with things. He tries his hardest all the time, he is ALWAYS trying, but doing stupid stunts, fighting droids, making robots and speeding everywhere all the time is truthfully only a bandaid. - Being surrounded by those he adores and receiving affection from them/seeing them happy boosts his mood a lot but he doesn’t have enough self-awareness to guess at why his happier moods just won’t last. - Sometimes he can figure out when he’s being irrational and then just takes it out on himself, which only exacerbates his bad episodes.

Palpatine doesn’t help. He’s abusive, manipulates Anakin all the time and is the Worst and definitely makes everything Anakin is struggling with harder and I think we should all just punt him into a sun thank you this isn’t a headcanon I just want everyone to know how much I hate him

#this is like... super long im sorry lmao #and it's probably a bit all over the place anyways #long post #also idr much about mace's characterization so i'm Pretty sure he has a dry sense of humour but idr so lmao forgive that #borderline anakin skywalker #also a lil bit of #adhd anakin skywalker #i focused a bit on his bpd + his relationships here #but if there was something else you'd have preferred my ideas on please lmk #or even if this was remotely close to what you wanted in general #star wars #anakin headcanons #this is my first time doing a like... headcanon list or just some rambling list of ideas so skjlkjsd rip me #gray-does-stuff #ask

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thekitschdiet · 3 years

Text

the kitsch diet part II

part one alr posted!! this chunk is about 3,000~ words long... let me know what u think :-) thank u all for all the luv already!!! looks like I really will hit 31 followers by easter!!!!!!!!

Who is the Kitsch Girl?

I think this is more loosely defined, but The Chic Diet did a truly admirable way of reducing a girl to her YSL bag and her really skinny legs. Now, that implies an archetype, or a population in a specific location. I think kitschness is kind of the niche you fill when you’re not really much of anything else, sort of your own conglomerate of mainstream-specific. One major requirement, though, is being a little too into something somewhat uncool. And the whole illusion falls apart if you have any sort of outward insecurity. See, the Kitsch Girl is somewhat undefinable because she is so much of everything. She exists in multitudes, in a way that is also quite simple to understand; think of a list of axioms, or principles to live by. And now add a section to each one that says “but…” to make a collection of verified exceptions. Say, the kitsch girl will never wear jeans. But she thrifted this pair of vintage flares she just loves. She doesn’t reply to texts efficiently, but sometimes she will within a couple seconds. No mascara, no dinner forks, candles are to be collected not burned; but that was a gift, or something. It’s not personal, of course, those are just the contradictions she exists in. Don’t try to understand it, the enigma is essential to the facade. Or maybe she just lives like this, and her character is so homogenous with her inner world there’s no sense in trying to separate it. You have to have a little bit of an individuality complex about the whole ordeal, which is normally so eugh, but if you’re kitschy enough it works on you. Trust!The Kitsch girl is not someone unlikeable, but amiable and well heeled. I double checked that last one, assuming it meant liked by most, but apparently means affluent. I suppose that is an aspect of the kitsch girl too, having seemingly endless frivolous expenses with no real strain, but that’s not important right now. People that don’t like her think so out of jealousy, or something. Envious that her clothes are all kind of shake-it-up-esque and her highlights desperately need touching up, but she still seems so enthralled with the whole of life… How does she enjoy her own company so much when other people want to know her better? Doesn’t she feel weird about blowing people off to make a joke about reading Kafka in the bath? Why would she document her cluttered, unexciting life on Instagram so delicately, so vibrantly? Of course, no one would say this to her face because they are really baseless claims. She’s nice, generous, and valuable to have as a friend. Trade-offs exist, as they do with anyone. But I like thinking it’s easier to overlook a forgotten birthday when your kitschy best friend gave you a multi strand pearl necklace to celebrate the welcome breeze of June. Or some other made-up holiday. She is so unassuming if you’re not really looking. Girls want in on her inner circle. Or they just don’t care. Nothing wrong with being liked or thought of naught, for the most part. Boys are either enthralled or repulsed by her. Her doctor knows her as something of a hypochondriac, but only minorly. It’s just carpal tunnel, don’t worry… The sales staff at CVS turn a blind eye when she slips an eyeliner pencil into her tote bag. She shoplifts on occasion, just to see if she still knows how. But she is not a shoplifter. $9 here and $6.45 there doesn’t really add up to much. Everywhere she goes, she makes a tertiary friend or two. The term of friend is loosely used here, of course. But it is nice to tell a stranger you like her earrings. Or her phone case is so fun, is it Wildflower? The kitsch girl has an eye for this kind of detail. Simply put, she is sort of unspectacular. But in a way that makes you sort of wish you knew her better.

Phone cases

The phone case is, like, religious for the kitsch girl. Sorry, but there’s just no other accessory as flippant and expensive and single-purpose as a trendy little iPhone case with some semitacky stickers plastered over the design. I used to have an iPhone XS- extrasmall- with like, 18 phone cases. It was kind of a sordid affair. I jest, but really… owning that many phone cases was kind of sick. We get it, you are frivolous and spontaneous and sooo stylish! Stop posting mirror selfies on your Instagram story, your crush isn’t going to see it. Kidding again. Having an extensive collection of phone cases is just so fun because while attainable, most people just simply do not partake in it. That makes you kitschy and unique. I really thought I had more to say about the IDEA of the phone case, but I guess in practice it is all very, very simple. You can slide your driver’s license in the back of a clear case. At what point does it stop being cool to have legal operational control of a vehicle? I don’t display mine because I don’t really like the photo. I look round. In the eyes but also just in general, swollen, unglamorous. Whatever. Not like I drive a Nissan or anything. I drive my *Mom’s* Nissan. Playing Bladee in the car seems sacrilegious. She would hate it.Back to phone cases. Sonix ones are cute but kind of overpriced retail- unless you have like, an iPhone 12 Pro Max or whatever the fuck is new this year, just go to Winner’s. They always have Xs and 11 cases. I had a cherry one for my previous phone, like the exact one Lana Del Rey had? Thank god I sold it before she got outed as a copfucker or whatever. Casetify is for an inadvertent flex. Flexing your lame, lame taste. Sorry, I know you bought it because you liked it, but what you failed to consider is just how un-Kitsch they are. SO common, and they advertise on Instagram. Sorry, I just can’t get into it! Kind of how I just never liked the Brandy Amara tanks. Or lowtop converse. Otterbox is just distressing. Like, if my boyfriend gave me an otterbox phone case I would probably break up with him because somebody clearly isn’t paying attention- one of my favorite, potentially overused joke is how Otterbox cases are the equivalent of orthopedic insoles. Sorry but if you have poor arch support or whatever, but no pain is worth giving up a good pair of Margiela slingback tabi heels. Obviously I couldn’t afford that right now because all loose income goes directly to Wildflower and my cig boy. But like, one day. I hope you want to punch me in the face a little bit after reading that. If Wildflower isn’t your thing, at least have the decency to get a beaded phone strap. But not from String Ting. Pray tell you aren’t keeping score, but they are one of my several parasocial enemies. That should have been ME collaborating with Wildflower! Should have been ME mailing shit to Caroline Calloway (more on her later, but she is the only blue check I follow. I adore her! I was on her patreon for a bit I thinkl!!) …. Side note. Phone cases are cute but there is no way to properly protect your laptop without looking just absurd or colossally lame. The foam sleeves… ick.

Having the shittiest music taste ever

So like, here’s the thing. I’m an Apple Music user, which sort of reinstates my status as an unironic My Bloody Valentine Hyperpop Death Grips kinda gal. Read; volcel. My most recent conquest ended up being a huge L on my part, but also… I totally dodged a bullet. The guy had an iPhone 11 (female trait) and didn’t know who Rei Brown was, which just seemed suspicious given his Niche. I just know he had a “making out playlist” comprising entirely of like, Joji. Which isn’t a bad thing I guess but so unembarrassing it horseshoes back to being humiliating.Like I said. Having the worst music taste. It’s nice how subjective and deeply personal your music taste can be; no one really Needs to know you’re a die hard drainer. But there’s also no point in being a die-hard drainer and Not capitalizing off it somehow. I added it up and I have well over 150 hours of just Bladee and Yung Lean. Which is so yass? The more I write, using myself as a case study, I realize just how desperately jobless I am. And Yogenfruz isn’t even hiring! UGH!I think there is something very kitschy about liking hyperpop in the least ironic, least obnoxious way. Sort of feeds into a “I’m not like other girls” thing, but I mean… That’s kind of the idea of kitsch, isn’t it? Be a little different but also the very same as your lipgloss brethren?!Side note. If you make monthly playlists I am genuinely kind of afraid of you. That is just so organized!! I just make playlists with esoteric titles and then make a new one when I’m sick of the stuff on the last. I have exhausted most genres but I think my favorite is the “I’m wearing f****ng air forces and my teeth are SO white”. Guess what genre it is. Or don’t, but it’s probably what you think is. Okay, moving on….

Curating a scent

I like thinking I smell like mango and peach, Glossier you, whatever citrus is in that Lush shower jelly and mint 5Gum. But of course it is probably less distinct and just kind of generally fruit-floral-mint. Anyway. I think Glossier You is the perfect scent for anyone with a rather elementary understanding of the whole.. Perfume business. Every bottle of intentional fragrance I own was made via aesthetic choices… it really helps that Glossier You is so cute And so universal. Now, Glossier is kind of interesting to me because it really is at the intersection of cheugy and kitsch. Kind of basic, overplayed, unspectacular. But also…. Often popular things are popular because they are good. Glossier has excellent customer suurv, they ship SO fast (and no import duties! W!) and their stuff is just so sweet and nice if not unoriginal, in kind of the same way strawberry ice cream is. Which is still my favorite, of course, especially if there’s a vegan option. I was talking about Glossier. What the hell! It’s really worth trying out. A huge principle of kitsch is just… having as many possible layers and appendages to your composure as possible. And adding a signature scent just really completes that! When curating your own, I say this as a complete amateur, know-nothing; make it something that comes kind of naturally to Your Character. Like, I’m just not a Chanel No 5 kind of girl. Odds are you aren’t either. My bottle (before she asked for it back when I told her I didn’t use it, in exchange for a Nordstrom’s gift card) was from my grandmother. Ummm.. Yeah, I really have no expertise in curating a scent. But it is nice to have a signature. And having a bottle displayed on your dresser next to your aughties McDonald milkshake themed beanie baby and a handful of lip products is just way too fun! This is the kind of girl I am, everyone! Cluttered, but prioritizing pretty-delicate things!

Cheugyism

Cheugy is a relatively new word that has unfortunately wormed into my vocabulary to replace “uncouth”. Which I use to mean graceless or tacky, but if that isn’t what it means…. Don’t tell me. That would hurt more than weighing myself after a “feast” slash pastry binge at my dear Grandmothe’s house. Like I was saying. Cheugy. It’s sort of a fucked up concept to me because it is a critique on consumption, but not the pace or volume or magnitude of it. But rather… the idea of not being “good” enough at engaging in microtrends, or involvement in the fast paced fashion cycle. Don’t get me started on TikTok, or do, but… yeah,. No. That will require a cigarette because I’m so sorry, but writing a thinkpiece on social media is so lowbrow I would need to find about six ways to aesthetically counteract it…. Moving on. I think the idea of cheugy is good, we really do need a word to simply and efficiently define “out of date/uninspired/lame”. But the way it is used to shame others for not liking the same trends or whatever is kind of gross. If you use cheugyism to put other people down and not as a neutral identifier umm… you will become what you fear. Sorry, that’s what happens. Some things that I think are cheugy or embarrassing, or just not part of my stylistic lexicon are… 1. Hooded or zip up clothing, or things with a large graphic on the back. Bingo if it's all three! I just can’t get behind it. Side note, my summer home outfit is brandy sweats and a tube top (Urban Outfitters tank I ripped the straps off) and a large cardigan that should have belonged to a stoner, but probably didn’t. I can dunk on bulky, uninspired clothes because I would honest to God NEVER be caught DEAD out of the house wearing any of it. I’m so serious. Next segment should be about the kitsch girl’s inadvertent affinity for diuretics. Remind me….. One of the ports of my laptop is dead. Not really sure what to do about that.

Eye makeup and what it means to me….

Personally, I am one of those people who never wears foundation and kind of has a complex about it. The kitsch girl wears fluffy eyelashes and owns a plethora of sparkly eyeliner. Or maybe she doesn’t, but she has something distinct and a little ritzy, if not haphazard. We all saw Euphoria and it like, totally imprinted on us. The way glitter sits on your face after a long day is so resplendent. When it’s shining and a little bit melted off from your long, semi-productive day… ugh! Just made for film. Pictures on film. But not the Prequel app. I keep getting fucking ads for it. But it’s so embarrassing. Like, isn’t the whole point of film the authenticity of the moment? The texture of the afternoon? Why would you fabricate that? Prequel is just so cheugy. More on that later. But anyhow. Wearing a ton of eye makeup kind of fits with the idea of film too I think. Like, look at you, in the moment. With your strip lash falling off! It’s all so tres-chic. Plus, for whatever reason, it’s kind of unique or notably dedicated to ~Pull up to the function~ with more eye makeup on than everyone else. Sorry, but it really doesn’t take that long! But yes I will gracefully accept your praise… it’s kind of like the dropshipping of complements if you think about it. Easy to source with little to no effort in the curating. Side note, lashes are like $20 for 40 weeks if you cut them in half and use each pair about 5 times. You could probably do more but I lose track. How the fuck is it almost June? I was trudging through the snow to check the mail for my Online Ceramics shirt just last week, I swear. The trick to cutting your lashes (the way I do it anyway) is pretty simple. Get out two lashes that are symmetrical. Find the middle and cut one slightly to the left and one slightly to the right. This means you have two sets (one set is a little more dramatic than the other but at least they are symmetrical) with longer outer edges. Glue this to the outer corner of your eye and you will look so Composed… obsessed with how this layers with three eyeliner tails (one traditional one pointing up and one pointing down directly below it, sort of like the tail light on a 2019 Lexus UX) and one below your eye, like a clown. Fun, irrelevant fact, is the first time I added this third tail to my eye makeup, my dad had just gotten home from the hospital because he was sure he had like appendicitis or something and it was actually.. Not that. Typical indie hypochondriac. He made me bring him cottage cheese on a plate with a teaspoon that evening. I put black pepper on it for flair, which he hated. Walking up and down stairs with a plate of cottage cheese is much more imprinting than most of the multiplication tables. Don’t forget to use a bright shimmer eyeshadow in your inner corner. It really opens up your eyes. I recommend Too Faced. One time I got a little bit too high and tried to film an “editorial” makeup tutorial. You will never, ever, ever see that video. But I essentially covered my whole eyelid in the ABH shadow “palermo” and smudged out the edges with a tan Tartelette Toasted shade, coupled with my long-expired Milk Makeup holographic stick. Lopsided lashes and near-blinding eyeliner experience aside, it was kind of cool. My point is, you really cannot go wrong with an arsenal of shimmers, taupey mattes and a good eyeliner pen.

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