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leejihoonownsmyheart · 2 years

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Game Boy

Request: i just read your cheol 'bento' fic and its amazing. i apologize if requests aren't open but could i request a cheol fic where him and reader (female is possible but g.n is okay ) are online gaming friends and they finally meet irl?

A/N: have you ever seen the drama Love O2O? The request made me think of it and I started rewatching it. It is so good.

You wished sometimes that you had the ability to suddenly make friends that would play video games with you. None of your friends really seemed to understand your urge to play video games but it was something that you felt was practically necessary in your life.

You didn’t know how you would possibly ever be able to unwind if it wasn’t with a video game. You felt ease when it came to exploring virtual lands, and leveling up by mindlessly killing slimes, and shooting random people in Valorant.

And yet playing Valorant in random lobbies could be one of the most frustrating things on the planet. Especially for a girl. Men could be such trash in this dumb game and while it was totally possible to have a positive experience with randoms today simply wasn’t your day.

People were being sexist and mean and you weren’t even playing ranked.

You swore to yourself that this was going to be your last game because you couldn’t handle being told one more time that you should just play Skye so that you can heal the team.

You decided that for this last game you were just going to try to play tour favorite character and pretend like your mic was broken.

When you finally found a group of randoms to play with you were a little miffed to discover that someone else was already about to click her.

Just before you could throw your silent fit and just settle for Phoenix the person who had Reyna highlighted suddenly spoke.

“Does someone else want to play Reyna? I could play someone else.”

He switched away from the character and you switched onto her so that you could lock your choice in. Your eyes narrowed suspiciously at the screen wondering why the guy had given you Reyna. She was a popular character to play.

You decided not to question it. Maybe it was the Universe trying to give you something good after your shitty day.

It was normally pretty easy to sit in silence over a game of Valorant but this person was rather talkative and was strangely kind.

“Nice shot Reyna! You really carried that round!”

You sent a quick message of gratitude in chat which just made your other teammate snort.

“What’s wrong Reyna? Too good to actually speak? Phoenix gave you a compliment. Say something.”

Anger flared in your stomach, and you considered just leaving the match, but Phoenix’s response stopped you.

“Shut up, they don’t owe me anything,” he blurted. “It’s probably people like you that makes them not want to talk.”

“She’s probably just some stupid girl who’s so far up her ass she doesn’t think she needs a compliment.”

“God you must never get laid at all,” Phoniex shot back. “Playing with people like you is such a headache.”

The entire rest of the lobby was silent as you all played through your games. Despite the turmoil you were all winning. You in particular were doing an amazing job, and Phoniex wasn’t doing half bad. Kay-O was about as good as he was kind.

“Look if you’re going to argue with me all game I’ll just leave,” he said angrily.

“Okay? You’re the weakest on this team anyways. We won’t miss you.”

That seemed to be the final straw. The fifth player on the roster disappeared from your screen and the voice chat went silent for the first time in ten minutes. For a few seconds everyone was quiet.

“Good coms.”

A laugh left someone else’s mouth, and Phoenix chuckled nervously.

“I can’t stand guys like that,” he murmured. “It’s just a game.”

There was a hum of agreement over the call and the conversation devolved into a focus of the game itself. You were all leagues ahead of the other team, despite the fact that a player had left your game and without him around the air between the group of you all was light.

“Hey, do you guys want to continue playing as a squad? We make a good team,” Phoniex suggested. The responses that came were hesitant, but no’s in the end. Everyone was logging off for the night after this.

“We can add each other though,” someone said. “We can all play another time.”

You could practically hear the smile in Phoenix’s voice.

“Sounds great!” He was silent for a moment. “What about you Reyna? You didn’t respond. We could hit some duos.”

You sat there for a moment, mulling it over. You clicked the key on your keyboard that allowed you to speak through your mic. You hesitated for just a second. Were you really going to cross this line?

“Sure. Duos sounds fun.”

You played duos with Phoenix for two hours before finally telling him you needed to log off. You were relatively quiet the whole time. You didn’t waste much time talking to him. He, however, was not in any way deterred by your silence. He was quick to compliment you on good plays and was always way too excited for you two to win a game.

Still, whenever he was cheering, you caught a smile on your face.

When you logged onto Valorant you were completely ready to start playing as you always did, probably going to fall victim of another sexist man making the game awful for you, but despite that thought the first thing you were welcomed to was that of an invite from another player.

Your eyebrows strewn in confusion, and you were even more confused when you realized you recognized the username. It was that same person from the day before.

You considered for a moment not accepting the request, but before you could decline it you remembered the day before.

Hey, you’re pretty good.

You pressed your lips together and clicked the accept button.

“You actually accepted!”

You hummed into the microphone.

“This is my friend,” Phoenix said excitedly. There were a chorus of hi’s from the others in the lobby and before too long you all started to play.

Quickly, you learned a few things about this person. One, he trusted too easily. He was much too quick to declare you his friend. Much too fast to decide that if you were both on Valorant then you both needed to play with each other.

But you were much too fast to accept the invites so maybe the problem lied with you.

You hovered over a different character, considering playing someone else for the day. Ever since you had started playing with someone you had learned was named Seungcheol you had always played Reyna. After all, it was rare to begin with for you to get Reyna at all, so you treasured every moment you got to select her.

But playing as Reyna everyday was getting a little boring. Maybe today you would play as Skye. It would be a nice change of pace.

“What are you doing?” Came Seungcheol’s pouty voice. “Don’t you want to play Reyna? You can have her.”

A small smile grew on your lips. He was so funny, always worried that you were trying to make someone else’s life easier by doing something you didn’t really want to do.

“I just thought I would play someone else today. You mind?”

“I’m sure you’ll be just as good. As long as you are playing who you want to play.

Seungcheol was sweet. You hardly ever met such nice people playing Valorant.

“Hey I’m not going to be logging on for a few days because I’m absolutely obsessed with another game right now,” Seungcheol said conversationally. You hummed into the mic, focusing primarily on your shot. You clicked your mouse and the person in front of you dropped to the ground.

“What game?” You asked.

“Bloons.”

You laughed.

“Balloons Tower Defense 4?” You asked. “Isn’t that a kid's game?”

“Don’t dishonor the art of Bloons!” Seungcheol protested. “You’d get it if you played.”

You laughed.

“Maybe.”

He was silent for a few moments.

“Do you want to play?”

You had never crossed gaming platforms with an online friend before. It was seldom that you just made friends with people in-game, and you usually didn’t even play with them more than once or twice.

But with Seungcheol you practically gamed with him every day. It would be admittedly boring to play with strangers again.

“Sure,” you decided. “We’ll see if it’s worth the fuss.”

Playing Bloons with Seungcheol meant adding him on discord, adding him on discord meant playing other games with him and that quickly turned to only playing games with Seungcheol. You had never had a solely gaming friend before. And you had never had a friend quite like Seungcheol.

He was always extremely light-hearted, and despite you teasing him relentlessly he never failed to praise you for the tiniest things.

You didn’t think you deserved a Seungcheol, but you loved him with your whole heart anyways.

Your finger tapped lightly against your computer desk while you waited for your computer to load. This day had been terrible, literal trash and all you wanted to do was try and get yourself out of your foul mood.

Even the usual trill of excitement that filled your body as you started to load a game had practically evaporated from your body. All you felt was the dull pounding of annoyance. You knew that the littlest thing would send you over the edge in a fit of anger.

All you wanted to do was play some Fall Guys. You just wanted to run through a few matches and win a few games and yet the stupid screen wouldn’t load.

A sudden familiar ringing blared in your ears, sending another thud of aggravation through your body.

It was only after you tried to shut off that annoying sound when you remembered why it normally made your heart soar.

You scrambled to drop your feet to the ground, and you grabbed your headphones, sloppily plugging them in and throwing them over your ears. Then as quickly as you could you answered the waiting discord call.

“I didn’t think you were ever going to answer.”

The jesting tone of your friends' voice brought a smile to your lips.

“Despite not wanting to talk to you in the least I had nothing better to do so I figured I’d cave in and join the call.”

A full body laugh filled your ears.

“Yeah, yeah, what are we playing today?”

“Fall guys.”

Seungcheol whistled and you could practically hear him shaking his head as he began to load the game.

“Bad day huh?”

“The absolute worst.”

But even as you spoke your heart felt lighter.

“What happened? If I may ask,” Seungcheol asked as you entered the third round. You blew roughly out of your mouth, making him chuckle.

“Just work stuff,” you said. “You work customer service and suddenly people forget you are a human being with feelings.”

You rolled your eyes even though he couldn’t see your face.

“I love my job, but I hate my job.”

Seungcheol was a very understanding person. You felt like you could complain about anything to him, and he would never judge you. You could probably tell him you yelled at someone for no reason at all and he would do his best to justify it in any way he could.

“Well at least you’re here with me now.”

You smiled.

“At least I’m here with you now,” you agreed.

One of the oddest things you had ever done in the entirety of your friendship with Seungcheol was agree to play Stardew Valley with him.

No- that wasn’t the odd part. The odd part of the whole ordeal was what Seungcheol had literally proposed in the game.

“Hey, do you want to get married?”

Your fingers fumbled across your keyboard making you lose the fish that you were trying to catch.

“Sorry?”

Seungcheol was clearly nervous. He was hesitant to elaborate.

“Well, y’know, you can get married to npc’s in the game just, what if we married each other?”

You didn’t respond which made Seungcheol more nervous.

“It would just add some fun aspects to the game we’re missing out on by playing together! One bed, we could have kids-” He was rambling at this point, and it made you laugh. He stopped talking.

“Why are you laughing at me?”

You could hear the pout in his voice.

“What are you so nervous for?” You teased. “You’re acting like you like me or something.”

Before he could respond to that you continued:

“Sure, why not? Let’s get married.”

Marriage in a game with Seungcheol wasn’t really that different than just regular gaming with him except for one specific thing. Seungcheol getting very in character.

He didn’t hesitate to call you pet names or to dott on you as if you two actually were dating. The way he talked and the way that you spoke back… It was just like flirting and it made butterflies sprout in your stomach.

When had you stopped seeing Seungcheol as just a friend? Maybe it had to do with the fact that he had stopped treating you as a friend. It was like he couldn’t turn the pet names off.

Whether you were playing Dead by Daylight or Valorant he was calling you “the misses” or “baby” or “wifey”.

You thought it should drive you crazy, but instead it just made your heart flutter. You weren’t sure when you had started to like it so much.

“Babe, can you join me in B?”

You didn’t hesitate to turn your character already starting to run over to B. As you did, someone in your lobby laughed.

“Wow, babe, huh? How long have you two been together?”

You opened your mouth to tell the other guy that you and Seungcheol weren’t dating but he beat you to it.

“It hasn’t really been that long, but it feels like we’ve been together for ages.”

You choked on air, and the sound of your surprise was heard very clearly over the call.

Neither of them commented on it, they just continued their conversation as if Seungcheol hadn’t just confirmed that the two of you were dating- which you weren’t. Still, you weren’t mad at all.

Your heart ached at the thought of dating Seungcheol.

Was it really possible that all the flirting you two had been doing was more than just playful banter?

“Okay, I’ve got to call it a night,” you announced. Seungcheol booed in protest.

“You always turn in so early, and then you’re gone all day-”

“I have work Cheol, what am I supposed to do?”

Seungcheol was silent for a moment, and all you could hear was the sound of his breathing.

“We don’t really live that far from one another,” he commented softly. You hummed.

“Not really.”

“What if we... Met up...”

You were quiet.

“On discord?”

“In real life.”

“...Over zoom?”

“Like face to face.”

Now it was your turn to fall silent. Seungcheol wanted to meet you in real life? Weren’t you two skipping a few steps? You didn’t even know what he looked like. You hadn’t even told people in real life about Seungcheol. Not really. What were you supposed to say?

Hey, just so you know I practically have a gamer boyfriend.

Everyone would think you were crazy.

“I would love to meet you.”

Maybe you were crazy.

So, that was how you managed to get yourself here. Sitting in a coffee shop, your leg bouncing as you waited for Seungcheol to show up. All you knew was the color shirt he was going to be wearing. You two had decided- well you had insisted- that you two didn’t send pictures and just let it be a surprise what you two looked like when you got together.

Why you had pushed for that, you had no clue.

All you knew for sure was that you liked Seungcheol a lot.

And you were really excited to meet him in person.

“Hi... Uh, I’m Seungcheol?”

You looked up, your eyes widening a bit when you looked at the person in front of you. Seungcheol looked tall, maybe that was just because of the angle you were sitting at. He had large kind eyes and hair that fell just past the tips of his ears. You swallowed hard and scrambled to your feet.

“Cheol! Hey. Wow.”

You were at a loss over what to say. It wasn’t that you thought that Seungcheol was going to be ugly, you just didn’t expect him to literally look like he was a model. You squinted at him.

“Are you wearing makeup?”

Seungcheol’s cheeks warmed up.

“It was a special occasion,” he said softly. You waited for him to tell you he had an interview or something. “I get to meet you.”

Now it was your turn for your face to turn red.

“You came early,” you said. He hummed and nodded.

“You came early too.”

You didn’t have a good response to that so instead you tapped his side of the table, urging him to sit down.

“What are you thinking about getting?” You asked him softly. “I can’t figure out a flavor to get.”

As you spoke Seungcheol did not turn around to look back at the options laid out for him on the menu for coffee, instead he stared at you and to make matters worse (or more distracting) as he stared at you a smile started to cross his face.

You gave him a frustrated look.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“You’re just so beautiful,” he replied. “My wildest expectations could never match up to just how beautiful you actually are.”

Your eyes dropped to the table and before you could think about what to say, Seungcheol saved you the embarrassment.

“Don’t you like maple? It’s not every day you can get maple flavored coffee. You should get that.”

You nodded. He was right.

You had worried that when you finally met Seungcheol in real life things would be a little awkward. What were you supposed to do when you met an internet friend in person? You were so used to always having the social buffer of a game playing to prevent awkward silence from coming forward, but here in a public café that luxury was absent.

Still, the longer you were with Seungcheol the less stressed you were about being able to make conversation less awkward.

Seungcheol loved to talk about things, and all you had to do was ask him a question before he went off telling you his new favorite obsession and when he wasn’t talking, he was urging you to talk about something. Seungcheol was odd in that he remembered just about everything you had ever told him, and he showed interests in even the smallest parts of your life.

When you were with him you really felt like he cared about you.

Seungcheol’s phone suddenly started ringing, startling both of you out of your conversations. Seungcheol smiled apologetically and glanced at his phone, his eyebrows rising in surprise.

“It’s been three hours,” he said, before picking up his phone call.

You didn’t hear what the person on the other end of the call said but Seungcheol looked at you, his eyebrows rising slightly before he turned away to say:

“Sorry I lost track of time. I’m on a date.”

You could hear the person on the other end of the phone speak very loudly suddenly, and you hoped that covered the sound of you choking on your coffee.

When Seungcheol covered a small laugh, you knew that he had unfortunately not missed it.

From what you could tell from the rest of the conversation Seungcheol was late for something, and he had to go. But you weren’t going to let him go until you had some answers.

“On a date? Since when are we the type of friends to go on dates with one another?”

Seungcheol feigned offense.

“Babe, we’ve been dating for weeks now. You’re telling me that our time together meant nothing to you?”

You gaped at him, so Seungcheol continued.

“I thought it was obvious that we’re dating. We’re married in Stardew Valley.”

As much as you wanted to argue with him over the semantics of how he should have asked you out, your heart could only focus on one thing.

“You really like me like that?”

Seungcheol seemed surprised by the serious tone of voice.

“Well... Yeah, I thought it was obvious,” he replied. He raised his hand to the back of his neck nervously. “I’m kinda...”

You waited for him to continue but he must have decided what he wanted to say was something he shouldn’t say quite yet.

“Anyways, I have to go,” Seungcheol segued reluctantly. He stood up and you followed suit. “It was more amazing to meet you than I ever thought it would be.”

A smile lit your face.

“Yeah, you too.”

Before Seungcheol turned to leave he suddenly closed the difference between you two. He gave you a smile that was somehow more prominent in his eyes and then he leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of your lips.

“See you again soon.”

And before you could say anything he disappeared around the corner and out the door.

You smiled to yourself, raising a hand to where he had kissed you.

“Yeah, see you soon.”

#i feel like my idea of an ideal relationship dynamic has changed a lot since I wrote bento #so I hope this ends up being what you wanted!#Seungcheol #choi seungcheol #seungcheol fanfic #seungcheol fluff #seungcheol au #scoups #scoups fanfic #scoups seventeen #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fanfiction

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softevnstan · 1 year

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³.⍭ 𝐈𝐭 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞

pairing. bucky barnes x gender netural!reader

summary. you couldn't believe the name that graced the file on your desk for your new patient. james 'bucky' barnes. you'd heard of him - even studied some of his history during college for psychology classes. never would you have imagined he'd be sent to your office, looking for help.

a.n. yeahhh i couldn't do this as just a one time thing. this is going to be a multi-part i write to update every now and again. so for today you have crumbs of what your first session is like. as someone who's been diagnosed with c-ptsd and has a butt-load of trauma, i'm writing bucky's experience in therapy based on my own. that being said i do not condone patient/therapist irl or any of that power balance outside of fiction. gross. that's the only disclaimer for this series tho going forward, i'm not gonna tag that everytime.

edit. part two is here yall

“So, Mr. Barnes, from what I’m understanding, you'd like to make me your primary therapist and discontinue working with Doctor Raynor?” Perhaps if you knew you’d be in this situation, you would’ve mentally prepared yourself a little better for the day when you got up out of bed that morning.

Being a therapist certainly wasn’t without its obstacles, no – It’s a lot to listen to someone else’s problems and just how many callus and evil things happen in the world. It also has its moments where it reminds you just how vile people can be, too. From children all the way to elderly, you’ve seen countless patients. They come back because you’re passionate about your job; Not looking at these people as paychecks but as living, breathing people. And sometimes people just need someone to talk to; there’s no shame in that.

You just never anticipated you’d have a war hero on your office couch, though. That was not on the radar when you were working towards your Master’s Degree.

James “Bucky” Buchanan Barnes sat across from your beige and brown striped armchair on the couch. He looked lonely in the middle; For a man so broad, it would be impressive how small he could make himself if not for the fact it was simultaneously heart wrenching. Cobalt eyes struggled to meet your gaze from the moment he walked into the office to begin the session. His body looked awfully stiff, and his eyes dark like he hadn’t had a good night’s rest in weeks. Perhaps months.

“Yes.” He answers stiffly, “Please.” At least he’s sure to mind his manners despite the clear discomfort radiating from the soldier across from you. But his quiet and taut demeanor is discouraging: “It’s important that you are comfortable here, Mr. Barnes. Therapy is something that works best when it doesn’t feel forced…” “I am comfortable,” Bucky jumps to correct, earning a slight raise of a brow from you before schooling your expression once more. “Comfortable enough. I’m just new to… this.” The man makes a vague gesture with his hands between the both of you; Aching eyes speaking more than words ever will when Bucky briefly raises them to look at you.

The first step is wanting to heal. Bucky’s already showing initiative by being present - by putting his foot forward to try to find a therapist better suited to him rather than just throwing his hands up after the first dead end. That’s good. You can work with that.

Your lips curl into a soft, welcoming smile. “Change can be scary, especially when we don’t understand what all is changing or what could come from it. With us working together, though, I can only do as much as you let me. It’s going to be intimidating, and you may not like it, but I want to help you feel better, Mr. Barnes. You deserve to feel better.” Positive reinforcements are always a good thing so long as they’re not condescending or passive aggressive. It’s all in the delivery, you’ve learned. It’s important patients feel comfortable when they’re with you – how else are they expected to be honest, then?

Bucky looks quizzically for a few moments before once more averting his anxious gaze. It made your heart hurt to see a man so beaten down and on edge; it felt so obvious to you, but then again, you were educated on how to find the tells. You could read him like a book right then. Feel everything radiating off of him, almost.

“What kind of things will you do..?” Bucky inquires after a beat.

“Well, I’d like you to start keeping a journal that we could use for our sessions. It’ll help you keep a record of what you’re feeling and we could use it like a workbook – there’d be homework involved, but there’d be nothing I know you can’t handle.”

“Homework?”

You smile, a nod of your head: “Work sheets, sometimes I’ll ask you to read something for me or answer a few questions, sometimes I’ll give you a worksheet you can use when necessary – then the next time I see you, we’ll go over what you’ve brought back and assess together so I can help you understand.”

He’s tentative to the idea, you can see it. It’s clear Bucky is very selective and reserved. You can only imagine how much strife this poor man has been through. But you see the light in him. You do. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to get better.

“...I don’t want to be unhappy anymore,” Bucky says, almost not catching the words if not for the fact the room is silent except for the two of you. “I can help you, Bucky,” you assure him, voice sincere. “We just need to work together and let me give you the tools to be happy. Do you think you can do that for me, Mr. Barnes?”

It’s clear your words seem to rock Bucky in some way, because he looks at you with something that almost resembles shock. As if he’s never heard anyone say something like that to him, has never wanted to help him become himself again. And if his experiences with Raynor is anything to base off of, Bucky needs a proper support system and someone who’s there with his best interest in mind. You can be that for him - even if it is your job irregardless.

He’s silent, eyes darting away and breaking the brief moment of eye contact between the both of you. Then, a nod.

“I can try.” it might as well be a promise.

“That’s all I’ll ever ask of you.”

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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months

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OOO what about a Dark Fey reader like Maleficent? that was being hunted down by a dangerous group of cryptid hunters, and had a broken wing n wounded by iron bullets but kept running.

And the Creeps found them took em in. and since ferfolk cannot lie,.. caught them off guard with a question on how they felt about that creep 😉

I expect to see Slenderman!👁👁 and another ig👍plz

idk I rarely see Supernatural like readers, it's a little disappointing imo. I love powerful self-inserts ok?

Slenderman with a Fey!S/o

UWAAAA I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this !! I've kinda been sucked up in a bunch of irl stuff !! (Nothing serious, just me working on things)!!

Admittedly I have never watched maleficent; so I'll solely be going off the info given in this ask I hope that's alright ☝️😔 and I apologize in advance if it's no good 😭💔

As you specifically brought up slenderman, he's gonna be our star today!! I was originally going to do the full list of characters but my brain js

A raisin

Also also!! I totally get what you mean ab the shortage of supernatural readers!!! Not just in the creepypasta fandom; but really any fandom! Let the insert have powers, let them be super strong, ect ect !!

You'd stumble into him after trying to hide and take shelter in his woods

Normally, he'd take down any trespassers after stalking them for a bit; but he was just too curious about you to make that the case

I dont know, I always think of slenderman to carry that kind of curiosity about the world and other creatures; I feel like that makes him more interesting than the fandoms standard "stern and oddly fatherly" take... also I just live the idea of curious cryptids!!

Moving on

He'd help patch you up with the resources in the forest; I've seen mixed opinions on whether or not slenderman has weird healing powers but personally; I think he has regen abilities that can only be applied to himself! Unrelated to the ask I know, but a quick little fun aside and little bonding point for him and s/o if they have the same deal going on

As for shelter? I'm personally still on the fence on if I wanna make the manor thing a part of my personal universe and hc that I write for these silly lads; but rn I've settled for a version of it! Not as grand or tidy as the old fandom hyped it up to be; it's a lil smaller and kinda... run down

Still livable, though, and you're more than welcome inside if you need somewhere to stay

Granted, I'm not entirely sure how the topic of romance would be brought up with him, but let's say he picks up on some behavior from you that makes him start putting together a picture

Bro has zero rizz I'm sorry

Regardless, he eventually asks the question; and as the rules go, you're kinda forced to tell him how you feel

I think regardless of if he reciprocates or expected your answer, he'd be surprised

I mean how many people are out here flirting with a forest monster, to their face

I think it could work, honestly! The relationship I mean!! I wish i had more hcs since this is such a fun idea, but I genuinely dont know much about fairy stuff and all the lore regarding them

But onto some more side hcs/little ideas to make up for the lack of stuff !!

If you need comfort, about the whole being hunted thing, slenderman is a good listener; and he understands what it's like, bro probably has to deal with people trying to get a look at him all the time. He gets it

Want revenge on them? Well if the hunters followed you into the woods they probably wont last long anyways; despite the whole curiosity thing he can be... rather territorial

Day to day life with slenderman is interesting as is, but with a fellow non-human companion? Shenanigans will likely ensue

What kind? Cant say, due to my lack of knowledge 😔☝️

Too injured to move around on your own? If you need to go somewhere slenderman will either fetch it for you, or just carry you to where you gotta go

Also he totally wont make it habit; even before the romantic relationship is fully formed

It just activates his neurons 😔

#creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #slenderman x reader #slenderman imagine #slenderman headcanons #creepypasta slenderman #slenderman

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authurials · 2 years

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𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ... 1/3

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 . you weather the strained state of your relationship with steve by indulging in a little distraction in the form of eddie munson (spoiler: it only make matters worse)

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 . two / three

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒 . 18+ situations, oral sex (female receiving), fingering, minimal dirty talk

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 . i abhor cheating irl, but i had this idea and thought i would indulge a little bit--also very rusty at writing explicit content, so be gentle--like, comment and reblog if you enjoy reading! do not repost/claim as your own please

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 really considered yourself the jealous type. In fact, before Steve, you had always prided yourself on your lack of insecurity when it came to the people you dated. You never second guessed yourself when it came to them, having this ability to find a sense of confidence within yourself instead of seeking that validation from another. To you, if there was any sense of wandering eyes from your significant other you chalked it up to a them problem instead of a you problem.

But that was before Steve, after Steve was turning out to be a whole different ball game.

Right from the start, things had been different with Steve. Interdimensional worlds and girls with telekinetic powers aside, you had always felt there was more at stake with your relationship with Steve than with others; and maybe that was because you had fallen so hard from him so quickly despite originally being his wingman. You had gone into things with no expectations, just wanting to help a heartbroken guy get back with the girl of his dreams and then next thing you know you’re dancing with him outside the middle school’s annual snow ball, telling him you can’t be his girlfriend because he was still hung up on his ex.

And maybe that’s where the problem lies–you were never truly convinced that Steve Harrington was completely over Nancy Wheeler. Who could blame him? She was beautiful, smart and brave, and sure maybe you were those things too–Steve had told you plenty of times that you were–but you didn’t share the same history that he did with Nancy. She was his first love, the girl he changed for, the one he imagined a future with with six little nuggets. You had seen the way he looked at her in the RV when he spoke of what he wanted for the future, of family trips, with a beautiful wife and lots of kids. He had never been so candid like that with you, making you fear that when he looked to the future, it was Nancy instead of you that he imagined sharing those moments with.

How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that? You thought bitterly as you exhaled a cloud of smoke.

You leaned your head back, looking up at the ceiling of Eddie’s new place–a temporary housing solution his uncle worked out so Eddie didn’t have to stay at the shelter with him. It wasn’t safe after all–very few in Hawkins had been convinced that the metalhead had nothing to do with the murders or the approaching hellscape of the Upside Down; and even though there was bigger fish to fry, there were a few individuals who had taken it upon themselves to try and hunt Eddie down to distribute their own definition of justice.

Which led to now–him hiding away in your mom’s converted garage after little convincing on yours and Wayne’s part. Thankfully, your mom was pretty cool and familiar enough with Wayne to trust him when he said his nephew was innocent. Not the kind to judge someone by their appearance, your mom had been happy to help though a little reluctant due to the risks that came with harboring a wanted person. She had you after all to worry about.

Still, Eddie was there in your mother’s garage and ever since he had moved to such a close proximity to you–literally annexed down the hall from your bedroom–you had made a habit of joining him for afternoon smoke sessions. And sometimes those smoke sessions turned into all day affairs–like today–especially during your days off from work and volunteering, and when you were worrying yourself sick about the state of your deteriorating relationship.

You had seen Steve talking to Nancy at the food drive you all had decided to volunteer at yesterday; had seen the way his mouth turned up into a soft smile as she laughed at something he said. Whether it was camaraderie or something deeper, it had left a pit in your stomach that kept eating away at you. And so there was Eddie, sitting right beside you on the secondhand couch your mother had found for free on the side of the road–never mind the mystery stains and the faint smell of peppermint and tobacco that still clung to its upholstery. Eddie had this way of making everything disappear in the moment, making all your worries and problems go away so you could just exist in that moment–with him. Even when he had been recovering from the demobats, connected to all kinds of heavy machinery in the hospital, he had been the one cracking the smiles and jokes, lightening the dark reality of his almost demise.

You admired that quality in him, and as you stared at his side profile on the couch–eyes drawn to the amused curve on his lips as he let out a soft laugh–you realized that wasn’t the only quality you liked about Eddie. If you were being quite honest, the more time you spent with Eddie the more you found out you liked about him; before everything that had happened to bring Eddie into the inner circle of the Upside Down Crew, you hadn’t given the outcast much of a second thought, a part of your past you were beginning to regret. He really was a cool person to be around, and kind and funny and even though there were cracks in the armor of his confidence, he still gave off this “I don’t care what anyone else thinks” kind of attitude that you liked.

And even though they were polar opposites, you could see why Dustin had decided he wanted to look up to guys like Eddie and Steve. Despite being essentially different in many ways, the duo shared many qualities that made them the perfect role models. They were respectful and thoughtful and brave….

And undeniably attractive, you groaned to yourself.

You tore your eyes away from Eddie’s figure, looking at the lit joint in between your index and middle finger. Lifting it to your lips, you took another drag and tried to ward away the inappropriate thoughts of your boyfriend Steve and new friend Eddie. Having such thoughts while in a committed relationship didn’t exactly make you feel like a great person, especially when you were so up in your own emotions about just the speculation of your boyfriend wanting to get back with his ex. As far as you knew, Steve hadn’t acted on those emotions if they did exist and even though he had seemed distant as of late that wasn’t an indicator of guilt on his part.

Still, as far as your heart was concerned, things weren’t looking so good for Steve and you and the possibility of breaking up soon loomed over your head like a heavy rain cloud. Eddie had become a source of comfort for you as of late, your smoke sessions steadily becoming the highlight of your week. It was sad to remember how date nights with Steve had once held that title, but you couldn’t remember the last time you weren’t the one to suggest going out and doing something. You missed the reassurance of your importance in his life, in his routine, but with each day that passed it was becoming less of a stab and more of a sting in your heart.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” The sound of Eddie’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. You felt the brush of his arm against yours and looked over, first at the pale skin of his forearm–the ripple of muscle and veins apparent underneath–and then up into the dark brown of his eyes. They were hooded, dark circles underneath from the sleepless nights since the battle with Vecna; you remember hearing the shuffle of Eddie’s feet as he paced right down the hall from your room–wanting to be there for him like he had been for you but not knowing how; not knowing if your heart could take much more vulnerability when it came to Eddie Munson.

So instead, you stayed up with him, listening to the rhythmic padding of his feet against the linoleum flooring laid down in the garage the first summer after your parents divorce and the indiscernible murmurings as he whispered to himself. That’s why you had matching eye bags as you looked at each other, his lips curving into a smirk as a singular dark eyebrow raised, because you couldn’t bear to leave him awake by himself. If you could offer him no words of comfort, then you would bear witness to the familiar presence of his pain and anxiety.

“Huh?” You responded, unable to formulate a proper response as your mind raised a mile a minute with all your observations. How could you possibly explain it all to him in a way that would do your inner turmoil justice?

Eddie began to chuckle, chest rising and shaking in response as he replied, “you are so baked.”

“Am not,” you muttered in mock offense even as your lips curved into a responding smile, beginning to laugh as well.

“Come on,” he snorted, shifting his position so his body was situated towards yours, “it’s me you’re talking to, doll, you don’t have to hide how blazed you are.”

He snatched the joint from your hand, the pads of his calloused fingers brushing against yours as he pulled away. It sent little shocks through the nerves in your arm and straight to the stringy muscles of your heart as it began to beat harder. Letting out a breathless laugh, you pulled your legs up onto the couch, eyes gluing to your bare feet as your arms wrapped around your knees. You were in your pajamas, an oversized shirt you’re pretty sure your mom stole from your dad in the early days of their marriage and in which you had proceeded to steal from her; your bottoms were a pair of shorts you used to wear for PE class back in high school.

Bringing the rolled up paper to his lips, Eddie took a long drag as he kept his eyes on you, even with your head down you could still feel them on you–searching for an answer that you weren’t sure you heard.

What was even going on in my head? You thought hotly, angry at yourself for being so confused–about Steve and Eddie and even yourself. What did I even want at this point?

Did you want to work things out with Steve? Could you even be honest about how you felt about him and your worries about Nancy? Or did you want something–or someone–else?

Sighing, you pick at a loose thread at the hem of the shirt, focusing on that as Eddie exhaled a cloud of smoke and leaned forward to snub out the joint in the overfilled ashtray. Not much else to do, you knew Eddie spent most of his time reading through your old childhood comics and smoking, between DnD planning sessions of course. The guy was determined to get everyone together for a campaign soon, not even the end of the world or everything he had been through recently had dampened his spirit for the game. Maybe it was his way of clinging to some semblance of normal; you knew that you had tried to do the same after your first run in with the Upside Down, which felt more like a distant memory than just a mere two years ago.

It was strange to think you’d had two years with Steve Harrington, your first serious relationship, and that didn’t seem like nearly enough to you.

The thought of that triggered an overflow of tears in your eyes, which threatened to slide down your cheeks until you quickly dashed them away as Eddie leaned back into the couch. It was too late of course, he had seen your futile efforts to stay the brutal tears, and now that he was staring at you it was almost impossible to hold it back.

And so you didn’t.

You let the tears fall as you sniffled, feeling embarrassed as you turned your body away from Eddie, “it’s nothing really, I promise.”

Of course, Eddie wasn’t buying it as he sighed and offered you a small smile, body scooting across the couch until both your legs pressed together and his hand was on your shoulder, pushing back the weight of your hair to reveal the skin of your neck. He was close enough that you felt the brush of each breath he took, causing you to close your eyes and just try to breathe. You didn’t want Eddie seeing you this way and worrying, most of all you didn’t want him to know what was really going on with you. You didn’t want him knowing because it would make everything weird between you too, and right now Eddie was one of the few comforts in your life.

“It’s obviously not nothing, doll,” Eddie added pressure to the muscle at the back of your shoulder, his thumb rubbing in a rhythmic circle. “You know you can tell me anything, so what’s going on?”

You had to resist the urge to lean back into him, pressing your back against his chest and just melting into him. It would be so easy to just forget that you loved Steve for a moment, and embrace for a moment these complicated new feelings for Eddie. You didn’t know if you even liked the guy that way, you just knew that you liked his company and found yourself thinking about him even when he wasn’t there and of course there was his undeniable good looks.

“Eddie…” you sighed, your resolve slowly fading–ready to just give in and spill your guts right there.

“Did something happen with you and Steve?” He asked, pulling his hand away and letting it fall back into his lap.

“No…why would you say that?” You finally looked at him, shaking your head as you wiped away the tears under your eyes.

“Doesn’t take a genius to figure out why a girl could be crying,” he shrugged and then groaned a moment later, rolling his eyes as he rubbed his hands over his face. Your eyes were drawn to his rings and the tattoos peeking out from under his shirt sleeve. “Sorry, that was probably a shitty thing to say….plenty more you could be crying about other than some boy. I mean, we almost all died there not too long ago didn’t we?”

It only endeared him more to you that he apologized. Drawing a soft laugh out, you settled your body back around to face him, your position mirroring his own as your knees touched his and your hands found refuge in the cradle of your legs. You both sat like that for a moment, silence stretching out between you, heavy with words you didn’t know if you had the courage to say. But maybe he had the right to know, and maybe just maybe he could talk some sense into you if you were to tell him about how you were feeling.

So, you took a deep breath, tearing your eyes away from the loose thread of your shirt once more and back into the concerned expression of Eddie Munson. It made your heart skip a beat–that stare–but you didn’t let it weaken your resolve as you spoke:

“Nothing happened between Steve and I,” you started off with a shake of your, “but that’s the problem. Nothing has happened between Steve and I for a long time. It just sort of feels like we’re both going through the motions of what it means to be together, but there’s nothing really….there.”

It hurt you to say the words out loud, but a part of you felt freed by the admission, especially when you looked at Eddie nodding; he was listening and taking everything in, one of his hands lifting to smooth over the growing stubble on his chin–you’d have to ask later if he wanted you to pick up some shaving supplies later, though you had to admit it looked good on him.

“And,” you continued, “sometimes I’ll see him talking to Nancy, and he’ll get this look on his face–this smile on his lips–and I can’t help but feel that there’s still something there. He hasn’t looked at me like that in forever, if he ever even did….”

You rest your head on the palm of your hand, feeling helplessly lost about to feel, and the silence that hung in the air afterwards only caused your anxieties to rise.

Why wasn’t he saying anything?

Instead of waiting for him to tell you how crazy you were being, you continued like the floodgates of your brain had finally been opened and there was no going back now: “I know it’s probably stupid of me to worry because chances are I’m just overthinking–being paranoid ya know? I mean, of course Steve loves me and….and I love him right?”

Posed as a question not necessarily to Eddie but to yourself, you didn’t give him a chance to reply even as he opened his mouth.

“Things change all the time. It doesn’t have to mean he still loves her, or that I….that I….”

You couldn’t finish the thought, because it would mean voicing into existence the possibility of you and Eddie. And you weren’t sure you were ready for anything to change between you and him. There was comfort in these moments you shared, and the fear of losing that safe space was too great a risk.

“That you what?” Eddie leaned forward, urging you with his eyes and then his touch; he reached out and took your hand, pressing his thumb lightly to the back of it. “Come on doll….don’t leave me hanging.”

You wanted nothing more than to hold his hand back, but even that felt like a betrayal to Steve so you just let it hang there limply between you as you contemplate your next move. On the one hand, if you kept these feelings to yourself then nothing had to change; you and Steve could work everything out, and Eddie and you could continue on with your smoke sessions and being just friends. But on the other hand, what if you were missing out on something? If you and Steve broke up, there might be a chance–even if slim–for something more than friendship with Eddie.

You wanted to be with Steve, you loved Steve, but there was a part of you that couldn’t deny that there was something in there for Eddie too.

“Eddie….” you sighed, trying to pull your hand away but he held on, bringing his free hand in to join the other one. He drew patterns on the skin of your hand, a look of patience and understanding on his face–he was willing to wait, no matter how long it took you to get the words out.

Another endearing quality of his….

There’s something to lose either way, you thought to yourself, so fuck it.

“Eddie, I….I love Steve,” you forced the words out, not willing to let yourself second guess this decision anymore. “Until a couple of months ago, I thought I’d probably end up marrying him and all that romantic shit–a part of me still wants that, I won’t lie. But, there’s another part of me that figures what’s the point? It’s so obvious that he’s not over Nancy, and maybe he never was, and I’m just trying to prevent the inevitable. And, why shouldn’t he go be happy with her, and have this brood of children….like do I even want kids?”

You were babbling now and a part of you wanted Eddie to stop, but he didn’t, just stared at you with that same thoughtful expression as his tongue poked out and wetted his lips.

“And why shouldn’t I be able to be happy and be just as loved? What if I miss out on something because I’m too afraid to let Steve go? And he’s too much of a good guy to do it himself….”

You stop, taking in a deep shuddering breath as you let the gravity of your words sink in, feeling new tears fall down your cheek as you shakily laugh.

“God, it tears me apart to think about not being with him but….”

“But what?” Eddie pressed when you didn’t continue right away–he was leaning closer, both your hands in each of his own now. You could feel the press of the rings into your flesh, leaving faded indents with each shift of his grip as he rubbed your hands.

“But maybe it hurts just as much to think about not taking a chance with you.”

The revelation was like its own entity, a third wheel hanging between the two of you as the realization of what you meant settled over Eddie. You saw the moment it crossed his mind what you were settling on, his expression going from slightly confused to surprised, eyebrows lifting as he looked at you, head tilting in an unspoken need for confirmation.

“Fuck,” you groan, pulling your hands away so you could wipe away tears and run your hands through your hair. “I like you okay? And that makes me feel simultaneously giddy and shitty.”

His momentary silence was enough to activate your flight response; were it not for him reclaiming your hands as soon as you were done fidgeting, you might just have done so but he held you gently as he tried to formulate his response. You had nothing left in you, having just spilled your guts about feelings for someone who wasn’t your boyfriend.

God, you felt like a terrible person, you should’ve just talked to Steve-

“Can I kiss you?” The question threw you out of your own thoughts and back into the room with Eddie, who was looking at you with a set expression on his face–there was nothing soft or amused about it, he was dead serious.

You hesitated–of course you did. Here the guy that you had feelings for and who wasn’t your boyfriend was asking if he could kiss you. You mentally added asks for consent to your ever growing list of things you liked–loved–about Eddie Munson. After what felt like forever, you found yourself nodding your head, unable to make the word come out of your mouth–that would only ground this moment more into reality.

“I need a yes from you,” Eddie hummed, his hands moving up your arm, leaving a path of gooseflesh in their wake. He stroked the skin of your upper arm, resting there as he waited for your next move–the ball now in your court.

He wanted this to be reality, needed it to be, you realized. The feeling of being needed sparked something in you and you found yourself nodding again as your lips parted:

“Yes, Eddie–you can kiss me.”

That’s all it took–those six words–and Eddie was leaning in. He didn’t kiss you at first, instead allowing one of his hands to cup your cheek, the rough pad of his thumb traced the apple of the bone. His eyes were wide open to your half lid, watching the expression on your face for any change as he slowly leaned and pressed your lips together.

It was just a small peck, a few seconds of contact, before he was pulling back and assessing your reaction. At first, you didn’t know how to feel, aside from a barely concealed devastation at the reality of what you had just done–kissed another guy, someone who wasn’t Steve. It scared you how quickly that guilt faded into the back of your mind however as you soon were following Eddie and pressing your lips together again, eyes threatening to drift closed. But you wanted to see him, wanted to see his reaction.

Your hands found his collarbones, hanging onto the shallow indents there gently as you moved your lips together, pulling back barely only to press another kiss to his soft lips. It went on like that for what felt like forever, just the two of you sharing kisses, and all the while Eddie’s eyes never left yours. He looked surprised at first, and then amazed, and then something else entered his eyes–something akin to the ache that was building in your stomach.

The kiss deepened and your eyes closed as Eddie’s hands came up to rest on your lower back, your shirt riding up over your knees and revealing your shorts. You felt your body being pulled closer until you were halfway on his lap, thighs parting to rest on either side of him as you returned his enthusiasm. All thoughts of Steve were extinguished from your mind as you let yourself fall into that moment completely with Eddie.

He let you set the pace, deciding when to speed up and slow down, hands straying no higher or lower than the middle of your back. You could feel the tease of his fingers at the clasp of your bra, but there was no hint of pressure in the curiosity of his touch.

Soon enough, you parted reluctantly with one last soft peck. You nodded your permission as Eddie’s hands stopped at the hem of your shirt, and he slid them under and slowly up without further hesitation. His fingers played with the skin under your bra, pulling the lacy fabric from your skin only to let it snap back in place as he looked at you with hooded eyes. His fingers rubbed away the slight sting as you sat there together, contemplating your next move.

“We don’t have to-” “I-”

You both stopped as the other began to speak, mirroring the other’s smile as you both let out an awkward laugh. The moment was short lived though as Eddie grew serious, eyes filled with lust and intention as he continued:

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. We can stop and go back to smoking or-or call it a night if you want. But honestly, I’d really fucking like to go down on you.”

Your mouth gaped open in shock. Eddie’s expression didn’t change, still serious and intent on your face, reading your reaction carefully as he shifted you further onto his lap. It was then that you felt it–the proof of his desire for you, the beginnings of his hardening cock, becoming an outline in the denim of his jeans and brushing against the inside of your thigh. Your pussy clenched at his admission, seeking relief against his bulge, as you shifted in his lap. Arms coming up around his neck, you leaned in for another kiss, unable to articulate how much his request had turned you on.

Pulling away too soon for your liking, Eddie chuckled and rubbed their noses together.

“That your way of giving me the greenlight to eat you out?”

You shoved your face into his neck, blush rising in your face as you tried not to laugh. Eddie’s hands pressed you closer as he waited for you to speak, fingers curving around to mold against the cage of your ribs, feeling out a path to the rippling plains of your stomach. He was patient, kissing and nuzzling the side your face, nipping at the lobe of your ear as he hummed the familiar cords of Kiss’s “Heaven’s On Fire.” You could practically feel the itch of his hips as they slightly lifted up into you before retreating, the hesitation and stutter of them drove you crazy as you tried to make up your mind. After this, there was no going back….

“Yes,” you finally spoke breathlessly, nodding in confirmation as you shifted restlessly in his lap, eager to proceed as you kissed him. Pulling back, you spoke again, “I want….”

There was no way the filthy things in your head could be given justice through the art of speaking, so instead you spoke through action. And Eddie seemed to be on the same page, because he didn’t say anything either as he returned your hungry kisses. Hands slipping from your hips to your ass, he gently tipped you back, thighs supporting the backs of your legs as he laid you down on the couch. Still kissing you, he hovered above, hands pulling your hips up as he settled between your legs. Lips parting, you felt his tongue slide begin to explore your mouth, your hand finding purchase in his curls as you returned the favor.

Moaning, he pulled back to look at you, face flushed and breath becoming uneven as he allowed himself to smirk at your disheveled appearance. Reaching for his shirt, he pulled it off in one smooth motion, tossing it on the floor and letting you admire his artwork. Your hands reached up to trace the tattoos on his chest and stomach, fingers unknowingly grazing against one of his nipples. Moaning softly, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes for a moment. You gazed at him in barely contained wonder before you leaned up and kissed his chest, fingers stroking the skin of his stomach–the barely faded scars left by the demobats–as your lips paid homage to the nipple you had touched. You switched to the other one, giving it a quick nip as you stared up at him, watching his every facial expression.

He groaned, hand finding your hair and pulling your head back as he cracked open his eyes, lips parting as his tongue came out and wet his lips.

“Oh, you’re definitely trouble….”

Pressing you back into the cushions of the couch, head resting against the arm, Eddie pressed one last kiss on your lips before turning his attention to the task at hand. While he paid attention to the column of your neck and the exposed skin of your chest, his hands wandered; they pushed up your shirt, exposing the plain of your stomach, fingers dancing across the freckled canvas, curving around your hips in a soft grip. He moved you how he needed you, shifting your hips up enough so he could place a pillow underneath them. It made you blush as you nervously watched him work his magic, mouth finally finding your stomach as his hands teased the fabric on either side of your hips.

Your shorts went first, dragging down your legs and past your feet, they joined Eddie’s shirt on the floor and a moment later he had your underwear between his teeth. The devilish look in his eyes as he stared up your body and into your eyes nearly had your heart out of its cavity. He pulled the fabric back slightly, only to release it so it smacked against your skin. You let out a shocked gasp, eyes widening as you watched him chuckle and lean back in, fingers smoothing over the mound of your clothed pussy just barely as he pressed an open mouth kiss on you through the panties. The unexpected sensation of him nuzzling at you through the barrier sent shockwaves into your core, increasing your arousal as you let out another helpless gasp. You felt his lips ghost over your clit as his fingers parted your labia through the damp garment. He kept you there, on the precipice of pleasure, teasing you through your underwear as he explored with his mouth and fingers.

His lips formed a knowing smirk as you groaned in mounting frustration, one hand gripping your hair and the other the back of the couch. Finally he caught the edge of your panties with his teeth once more. This time however, he began to drag them down slowly, nails just barely scratching the skin above each side, helping push the scrap of lace down your hips.

The breath came out of your body in barely contained anticipation, chest rising and falling rhythmically as your eyes never left Eddie’s. You ignored the embarrassment of having such an intimate part of yourself exposed as your fingers combed through your hair, that and the hand gripping the couch were the only thing stopping you from grabbing his hair and guiding him to where you needed him. You could be patient, and good–

For now.

You bent your legs helpfully, lifting them up to make it easier to slide the scrap of clothing off past your feet where it landed on the growing pile. And with that, you laid there on the couch completely bare to Eddie’s eye. Helping your legs settle back down on the couch, Eddie gripped the calves on either side of him and simply took in your nude form. It made you squirm uneasily, vulnerable and embarrassed and maybe just a tad bit impatient.

“Damn you’re gorgeous,” Eddie smiled this time instead of smirking, a soft curve of his lips as he lowered himself down, shifting his body on the couch so his face was parallel with your lower half. “Can’t believe you’re mine….”

He mumbled the end part into your stomach, hands pushing your shirt up past your bra. Teasing under the cups, he gripped your bare breasts underneath, stroking and pinching your nipples as he pressed kisses to your stomach. His hands didn’t stay long, leaving your breasts nearly escaping your bra as they supported the back of your knees as Eddie mouthed at your thighs. He was liable to leave a mark or two with the way he nipped and sucked at your flesh, devouring you one kiss at a time.

And even though it would only serve as further evidence of your infidelity, right now you just didn’t care. You wanted the sweet sting of the marks, the memory of this moment engrained in your skin–fuck–you wanted Eddie Munson.

Thumb pressing through your wet folds, Eddie bumped and stroked against your clit before pressing harder and staying there. Your mouth hung open in a silent moan of pleasure, your head leaned back as you looked at the ceiling. You could feel him rubbing you in circles, putting the perfect amount of pressure as he spoke to you.

“Bet that feels real good, huh? Like me touching you like this?”

You nodded your head, fingers gripping at the armrest under you as you moved your hips expectantly against his touch. Too bad he seemed to have other ideas, free hand coming down to stall your movement and hold you in place. He tsked, drawing your attention to the pout of his lips as he shook his head disapprovingly.

“Use your words, and please–”

A wicked glint filled his eyes as he quickened his touch, pushing his index and middle finger through your wetness, stroking your hole.

“Don’t be shy. I want all the details.”

Your nails scratched as the couch, leaving it to cover your face as you groaned, thighs attempting to close in on Eddie’s wrist and stop his ministrations. But he didn’t let that stop him, instead using his free hand to push you open and watch his handy work. His fingers teased you, a moment later pushing in as his thumb continued to pay attention to your clit.

“Come on….be a good girl and tell me how it feels.”

Good girl? You groaned internally. God, he’s really going to kill me.

“Fuck Eddie,” you finally forced out, face burning. “It feels….never been this good before. Oh God, please Eddie, I need-”

You had no time to finish as you were cut off by Eddie leaning in and replacing his thumb with his mouth on your clit. The feeling of his tongue stroking your pussy, stroking around his fingers as one slowly made its way inside of you, nearly had you over the edge already. Thankfully, you had some restraint, and reigned yourself in as you let the sensations crash over you in waves. Your eyes closed as slowly rolled your hips into his touch, pushing him deeper inside of you with sigh.

He moaned around your clit, lavishing it with kisses and sucking on it, filling his mouth with your taste as he began to push his second finger in. His tongue teased your entrance, stroking around his fingers as you felt your muscles contract around them in pleasure. Lifting his mouth for a moment, coated with your arousal, he took in the debauchery that was your aroused form. One hand was gripping your left breast, bra pushed up past them still as you pinch and stroked your nipple; the other one itched to grip his hair as you laid it on your stomach, fingers twitching in barely contained desire as you tried to breathe.

“Eddie….”

That was enough for him to dive back in with renewed vigor, paying close attention to your clit as his fingers scissored and stretched you, hooking into that special spot inside that had you curling your toes and crying out. His tongue stroked your folds, seemingly everywhere you needed him all at once as you tried to make sense of what was happening. You couldn’t comprehend anything in that moment however as your precipice drew closer, hips lifting quicker now to chase that end.

“Oh fuck,” your groaned, hand finally finding its home in his thick hair as you tried to guide him to where you needed him most. Your upper body arched as fingers pumped faster, curling just right within you.

Eddie eagerly continued his ministrations, eating you out without mercy as he pushed you towards that climax. He wanted to see you come apart because of him, to know that he had that effect on you. Nipping at your swollen clit, he sucked it into his mouth as he twisted his fingers inside of you just right one last time. Stilling under him, your hips lifted into his face as your mouth opened on a silent scream. All the air in your body left as it tried to process what was happening, Eddie’s fingers still fucking into you–-faster than ever as he pulled his mouth away from you to watch you fall apart. He could feel you tighten around him, clinging to his fingers as you came.

Even when you sucked in a breath finally and shakily let it out, your body relaxing back into the couch as it untensed in your post-orgasmic bliss, Eddie didn’t stop. He only slowed his attentions as he felt you coming down, your pussy relaxing around his fingers as he gently fucked you, thumb pressed against your sensitive clit. Leaning down, he nuzzled through your slickness and pressed one last kiss to you, eliciting a pleasurable whimper from you as he slowly removed his fingers.

Pressing his cheek on your thighs, he laid there for a moment, and you allowed yourself to comb your fingers gently through his hair, eyes glued to the ceiling as you collected yourself. Your free hand fixed your bra and pulled down your shirt, feeling suddenly vulnerable and appreciating the shield no matter how small. Your head was filled with conflicting thoughts–one side reveling in how good Eddie had made you feel, and the other coming to terms with the gravity of what you had just done–

You had cheated on Steve.

And the fucked up part was that you didn’t regret it–at least you didn’t regret it being with Eddie. You knew that this would hurt him though, and that alone left you with the taste of regret in your mouth. You didn’t want to hurt Steve, you still loved him, and some messed up part of you wanted to still fix things–even as the other half of you thought of how much they wanted to do that with Eddie all the time now.

Noticing how quiet and still you had become, Eddie lifted his head, the lower half of his face still slightly wet as he moved himself to hover over you. His look of concern only broke your heart further, because just like you didn’t want to hurt Steve you didn't want to hurt Eddie either, but no matter how you spun the outcomes in your head someone always ended up getting hurt.

“Fuck, I messed this up didn’t I?” His voice was quiet and unsure as he moved away from you, sitting back up fully. He wasn’t looking at you, instead resting his chin on his shoulder as he tried to hide his worry. His hand lifted, the thumb that had just been between your legs resting against his bottom lip, stroking thoughtfully.

“What?” You responded, sitting up quickly. “Of course not!”

You tried to reassure him, reaching out a hand to rest on his bare shoulder, but he didn’t acknowledge your touch or didn’t care as he lost himself in his thoughts. You could practically see the cogs turning inside his head–he thought that you regretted what had just happened.

“Eddie….” your tone softened. “You haven’t messed up anything, I promise. I just-”

“You still love him,” he finished for you, lowering his head as he turned his head to look at you.

You caught his hand as he fell back into his lap, bringing it to your chest as you tried to put the right words together. The look on his face was gut wrenching, seeming so defeated in that moment–you had to fix this.

“I do,” you admitted, “and I’m realizing how fucked up it is that I cheated on him–he doesn’t deserve this.”

You shook your head, ashamed of yourself, but you couldn’t allow Eddie to carry the burden of your choices, or believe himself to be the mistake that you had made.

“But that isn’t your fault,” you continued, “and I want you to know that I do not regret this. What we just did Eddie….that’s not a mistake.”

You let that sink in for a moment before you continued:

“Could it have happened at a better time? Sure, maybe. But I’m glad it happened, and I’m glad you’re here–with me.”

You lifted your hand to cup his cheek, smiling sadly. After a moment of hesitation, you watch as Eddie leans into your touch, a small smile forming on his lips as he lets your words settle between you. Leaning in, you peck his lips, and the pair of you continue to share kisses between you. Eventually though, Eddie pulls away, eyes opening fully as he stares at you thoughtfully.

“I know you got a lot to think about,” he says, eyes ever leaving yours as his hand comes up to cup your chin, “and I just want you to know that I’m willing to wait for you to get your shit together.”

He smirks at you as you let out a broken laugh, leaning your foreheads together as he continues.

“And even though I really….really want you to pick me, I understand if that's not what you want.”

That causes you to blush, shyly gripping the waistband of his jeans as you look away, thumb stroking over the cracked leather of his belt. It hadn’t even occurred to you that he might want you to return the favor so to speak, though now the outline of his cock was gone. Your body was becoming heavy with the need to sleep, but your head was still racing with the decision you had to make. The only thing you knew for sure right now was that you had to tell Steve, this wasn’t something you felt you could keep from him.

A part of you wanted to head over to his house right now and throw yourself at his mercy, but you knew he was likely still hanging out with Robin and either wasn’t home yet or wouldn’t be in the mood to have his night ruined. You could wait until morning–had to wait until morning. You had to get your thoughts in order, really decide what you wanted, and you couldn’t do that if you were just rushing to turn yourself in.

“Could I stay with you tonight?” You found yourself asking. You knew it was probably a selfish and stupid thing to ask, but Eddie was still your friend and you’d appreciate the company right now.

“Of course,” Eddie hummed, kissing the top of your head. “Whatever you need.”

And as you both put yourself to rights–Eddie sneaking off to the bathroom and you pulling your underwear back up your hips–you thought about what it really was you needed. Or more like who it was you needed.

Steve was familiar and your first…well everything. Before him, you’d never given much thought to romantic dalliances–in fact, you had tried your best to avoid them because you’d seen what they had done to your mother both before and after her divorce from your father. The men she picked out had always ended up disappointing her, so you’d had this perception in your mind that that’s all men did. And then Steve walked in your life, all sad and forlorn over a drunken Nancy’s words that night of the infamous Halloween party. He’d asked you if you thought he was bullshit-

And you laughed.

You’d been through a lot together and you really had held hope that there was so much more to come for you two. You hadn’t been lying when you told Eddie you had hoped for marriage and maybe even a couple of kids–maybe not six but you would’ve been willing to compromise maybe at three. Now, after what had just happened between Eddie and you, that future didn’t seem like a possibility anymore.

As you pulled back the blankets on Eddie’s bed and got in, shorts left forgotten by the couch, a part of you still held out hope though that maybe you and Steve could make it through this; that maybe Steve could somehow forgive you, and you both could work on your relationship and become stronger than before. You knew it was unrealistic of you to hope he could be so forgiving–he didn’t owe you forgiveness–but still you let yourself hope.

But even as you laid there hoping, you waited for Eddie to come back, already knowing you wanted to hold him against you and play with his hair until you both fell asleep–something someone in a healthy committed relationship shouldn’t want to do. Still, you did, and the weight of that initial guilt was gone and you couldn’t find it in yourself to be ashamed of what had happened between you and Eddie that night.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as the door to the garage opened and Eddie stepped back into the room. His shirt still lay discarded near your shorts, so he stood there in nothing but his unbuttoned jeans, his happy trail disappearing into the forbidden territory of his boxers as you looked on with barely contained interest. He smirked at you, kicking off his shoes one at a time as he made his way over to the bed, stopping to pull off his socks and grabbing at the waistband of his jeans before hesitating–eyes still on you.

“This okay?” He asked, thumbs tucking into the denim, ready to pull down at your okay.

You nodded without hesitation, it was only practical of course–denim was uncomfortable to sleep in–and if you got to see more of his body unclothed that was just a bonus. The thought made you smile as you settled against one of the two pillows Eddie had adorned the bed with, trying to disguise your interest as best you could as Eddie pulled down his jeans and exposed his boxers. He gave you a knowing roll of the eyes before slipping into the other side of the bed, the warm length of his body pressing against yours. You could feel him through the fabric of your t-shirt, and on your exposed thighs, his hands teasing the plains of them as they came up to rest on your hips.

Turning your body towards him, you settled your head on your arm and looked at him, a smile teasing your lips. You watched him lean in, no urge to move back as he pressed a soft kiss on your lips. With just that one, he pulled back and hummed, eyes closing as his arms moved to wrap around your waist:

“I know I’m probably not making it easy for you, but I just really wanted to kiss you….”

“....you’re okay,” you finally replied softly, shifting your body so your back was to his chest. “I wanted you to kiss me….”

No response came from Eddie aside from him pressing closer, his warm breath on the back of your neck as he settled in for the night. Your eyes remained open however as you just felt his presence behind you, his legs tangling with yours, his hands teasing the bare skin of your stomach as they slid up your shirt. For only a moment you realize you should've probably slept in your room instead, a better environment to unbiasedly think about the future of either of your relationships with Steve and Eddie.

Because as you laid there in Eddie’s arms for the next few hours, listening to his breathing slow and his soft snores begin, you were unable to stop your heart and thoughts from racing. And as the first rays of light from the morning sun streamed in through the patchwork curtains hours later and you awoke from yet another interrupted few moments of rest, you wished there was a way that you didn’t have to choose between them.

#˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐇 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑 :#stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson x reader x steve harrington #eddie munson one shot #steve harrington one shot

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applegameisprollytaken · 4 months

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Woohoo, another vent post! I get I need therapy! I will get it eventually. Maybe.

On today's episode of "apples says some bullshit about his emotions that nobody gives a shit about" we have:

The shards.

Pretentious name. I know.

But fuck off this is vent post I'm allowed to be edgy and self referential.

Ok so... I have noticed something about my characters every year or so?

They all tend to have to do with me irl, if that makes sense.

Everything is on display if you know where to look.

I know I won't make it. Not anywhere in life, not to old age. I'm going to work minimum wage until, most likely, I take the easy way out.

And I have a character that represents that

I was raised by homophobic and transphobic old farts who don't like change, and want me to pray to a god I'm sure doesn't care for any of us.

But yet I am close friends with trans people, and AM LITERALLY BI (male preference just to hammer the point home)

So I have a character for that

The feeling I am better than everyone mixed with the knowledge I will never accomplish anything people will give a shit about?

See my very first character written.

The fact that I have to hide who I am with those I care about most, out of fear of losing them? The fact that they only care about me because of the perfect facade I keep up?

Both are characters, sworn enemies of each other, despite being the same person.

The fact that my current personality is a mask I had so long I cant take it off anymore?

Oh, well would you look at that! I have a character for that, and it's topical

The fact I escape to a fantasy world that hurts more than helps. The fact that I live in my games more than I do in the real world, because I know that at least in my games, there is a actual rock bottom I can crawl out from.

I have a character for that.

I have a character for everything wrong with me.

My hatred of parts of myself I cannot change nor get rid of. My fear of how much I have lost of myself. My fear of the world taking more from me if I try to leave my special little place.

I have characters for that.

My spite? My hatred? My fear of death? My craving for it? My every last shard?

All for display.

I even was going to make a game about it, once upon a time.

And I have a character for everything else too. What is too broad to be one or two characters, so instead are split between the hundreds.

My ego, a cardboard cutout of falsities and theatrics, hiding what little self worth I really have

My anger, something that defined me for a decade before I could overcome it. A chained beast I keep in its box l, never to be seen again. (Yes, yes, I know it's edgy fuck off)

My anxiety, with defenses upon defenses to protect from anyone who tries to get close. No matter if friend or foe.

My "funny" disabilities. A jester who can't sit still or get a hint but still won't shut up no matter how hard you try.

And of course, the final boss of my issues, my depression. It eclipses all. Happiness weakened, sadness strengthened. Will to live gone the way of the dodo.

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mybiasisexo · 1 year

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Entangled - Part 6

Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader

Chapter Warnings: Language | Alcohol Consumption

Word Count: 6.6k

Author Notes: Firstly, happy belated birthday to the loml 😔 *plays Virgos groove by Beyonce*. Sorry for the delay y'all, its that time of year🚶🏾‍♀️. It feels so good to have yeollie back! Im eager for his solo! But yes, its finally D-Day!!!! Myeon is getting married y'all!!! (in the story not irl....unless 👀) Ive learned that establishing setting is not my forte, hopefully y'all can pick up what im putting down.

As always, feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope you like the chapter 😊💕

“I can’t do this.”

The words brought you to an abrupt stop in the middle of the busy sidewalk. People brushed past you, sucking their teeth in annoyance, but you didn’t notice them. You didn’t notice anything as you stared blankly at the ground.

“What?” A tall figure loomed over you, long bowed legs obscuring the gum covered sidewalk. He let out a chuckle. “We’ve only looked at one apartment. But, if you’re tired, it’s okay. We don’t have to look at any more today. I’ll reschedule.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Your eyes fell shut as your head began to pound. You started rubbing your temples to try to relieve the sudden pain. It gave little relief. A whimper left your mouth, the small noise caught the man before you’s attention. He took a step closer, the small action had you feeling claustrophobic, like walls were closing in on you, despite being out in the open. Your throat and eyes were burning, chest constricting painfully. These reactions weren’t new. No. You had been feeling like this for weeks. The best way you could describe it was as though you were being pulled deep into the sea. Being dragged along against your will. The current was too strong for you to swim out of, and you were choking, drowning, panicking….

It felt like you were dying.

Inhaling deeply, you worked up the courage to look up at your fiance. He met your gaze, caught the tears shining in your eyes, and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. That confusion quickly turned into concern once he registered your distress.

“Chanyeol, I….” Your voice gave out, cutting your confession short. Instead, you shake your head, hoping that was enough to convey your conflicting emotions.

“Baby?” His hand wrapped around yours, the one with the band that represented your forever.

The happiest you’ve ever seen Park Chanyeol was the moment he slid that engagement ring onto your finger. The way he couldn’t help but smile whenever he caught sight of you wearing it never went unnoticed. “What’s wrong?”

You were pretty sure you were having a panic attack. The pain in your chest only grew, made it so hard to catch your breath you began to gasp. The effort collected onto the corner of your eyes, spilling over onto your cheeks in hot streaks.

It was too late now.

Or maybe it wasn’t. Chanyeol’s eyes bounced back and forth between your own as he nervously rubbed his lips together, stretching them into a line so thin, you no longer could see the pink flesh.

“I don’t think we should do this,” you managed to gasp out. There it was, now out in the air. You took him in, wearily awaiting his response to your words.

“Oh….” He visibly deflated, and for a second you thought he understood what you were saying. But, he perked up immediately. His optimism made you sigh in dismay. “You can just move in with me! We don’t have to get a new apartment. I just assumed–”

“Chanyeol!” You yelled, shutting him up. Your once flaccid fingers gripped his tightly. He winced, but didn’t attempt to pull away. If anything it allowed him to focus more on you.

“Please,” you begged hoarsely. “I…I don’t want to marry you!”

The silence that followed was suffocating. The whole world froze for an immeasurable time, you swore even those around you stopped moving as well.

He just….gawked at you. As though he heard your words, but couldn’t fully make out what they meant. You could see the wheels turning in his head, replaying what you said over and over until they gained meaning. It took some time, but soon his eyes began to flutter and his chest expanded, inhaling a ragged breath. While he breathed in, you exhaled.

You were worried you had broken him there.

“You don’t…? Marry…? I….”

With wide eyes, you silently encouraged him, in the hope that he put two and two together.

“I don’t understand.”

“What is there to not understand?” You asked, frustration sharpening your words. “I don’t want to marry you anymore, Chanyeol.”

“But–but why?”

His heart was starting to break, the situation fully dawning on him. It’s a devastating sight, watching him realize he’s about to lose the love of his life. You wanted to look away, to avoid the pain that would come from the weight of his anguish. Seeing his suffering was just as wounding as if he were the one to break up with you instead. But, you had to push more, had to shove the knife a few inches further so that you could kill this completely.

“I’m not ready. I thought I was, I really did, but I need to be alone–”

“Alone?” He spat out the word, as though that weren’t a part of his vocabulary, which you imagined it weren’t. “But you love me? Why do you want to leave?”

Your lips shook so much it grew difficult to speak. “That’s not enough. I wish it was, but it isn’t. You have to let me go.”

“You want me to let you go?” He asked in disbelief. “We’ve been together for four years! We’re planning on getting married in a few months! You’re all I know! Please, baby, tell me you aren’t serious.”

You remained silent and it only pushed him further into a panic. “We don’t have to get married now, if that’s what you want. We don’t have to move in together. We can wait. I can wait. We can slow down, focus on other things until you’re ready. Just please, please, Mel! Don’t do this. Don’t leave me.”

“I’ve already made up my mind,” you said. Chanyeol shook his head in denial, protests left his lips, but you continued, raising your voice so it overlapped his. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be with you anymore, Chanyeol! Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“Don’t say that!” He cried, tears streaming down his face. Your hands balled into fists, fingernails dug deep into your palms, drawing blood.

Chanyeol fell to his knees, gasping for breath before you, and begged for you to stop. To think about this, to love him back. Love him. Don’t you love him?

He reached for you and you took several steps back and that rejection seemed to snap something inside him.

He immediately stopped crying, face falling in shock. His hands were still stretched towards you, hands open for your embrace. The only sound coming from you both were his ragged breaths.

He stared at his empty hands as though seeing them for the first time, confusion washed over his features. Did you just…deny him? He then took in his surroundings, took notice to the small crowd forming around you, who took in the show with either pity or curiosity. It grounded him, made him aware of the scene he was making. Slowly his arms lowered back to his sides, and he silently got back to his feet, brushing his pants off and sniffing, wiping away the wetness on his red face.

“Let me take you home.” His voice was gravelly and deeper than you had ever heard it. You hated the way it caused your heart to speed up, your lower abdomen to burn with want. That was the opposite of what you should’ve felt.

“Yeol, I don’t think–”

He doesn’t give you time to finish. Quickly, spinning around and heading towards his car without making sure you were even following. You had to jog to catch up with his wide steps. You remained silent. You understood. No one deserved to get dumped in public like this.

Once you were both in his car, he drove off without a word or glance over to you. Even the music remained off, which was never a good sign of his state of mind.

It was only a fifteen minute drive to your place, but it felt much longer.

He parked in front of your complex, turned off his car, and you both just… sat there. You played with your fingers, and tried to ignore the way the streetlight ahead hit your engagement ring, causing the light to bounce around the car. It was beautiful–a great representation of Chanyeol’s feelings for you.

“I’m sorry,” you finally spoke, feeling wetness on your hands. “I hate hurting you.”

His hands curled tightly around the steering wheel. “So, you want to go through with this? You really want to call off the wedding?”

You nodded, albeit reluctantly. “We’re not ready–at least, I’m not. I don’t want to grow to resent you, Yeol. And if we get married now, I will. I know I will. I’m starting to think that I’m not the type to get married, to be tied down. I… want to swim.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, and your heart leapt. It should have made you feel cold, instead it warmed your heart.

You couldn’t help but reach over and cup his cheek and smile ruefully at him. “You’re going to make a wonderful husband, Yeol. Just not mine.”

“Don’t say that.” He ordered again, voice cracking. He reached up and grabbed your hand, holding it firmly against his dampening cheek. For the second time, he broke down. Weeping the loss of his soon-to-be bride. You held him. Let him lean into your touch for the last time, to savor the feeling of his soft skin beneath your fingers. This truly felt like a farewell. Like you were never going to see him again, and if that were the case you wanted to remember all the things you loved most about him while he was still in front of you, even as he fell apart around you.

You sobbed with him. Mourned for the future you both had planned for, the only future you saw for the last few years. He had grown to be all you knew, and it wasn’t as easy as you were making it to leave him.

“I love you,” he cried. “I love you so damn much. I don’t want to lose you.”

That only made you sob harder. Fuck, you loved him too, and you wished you could tell him that. But that would only make it harder for him to let you go, and you needed him to. You both had to move on.

“I’m sorry,” was all you could muster. You repeated that word over and over, hoping he would grasp the weight of your regret.

The sun was in the middle of its descent when you both were able to finally catch your bearings.

Chanyeol let go of your hand, took in the ring and closed his eyes, readjusting in his seat so that he could lean back and stare unseeingly at the darkening sky through his sunroof.

“Now what?” He asked.

“We move on,” you said between hiccups. “I’ll inform everyone in a week. Give you time… to come to terms with everything.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually doing this,” he muttered, still looking at the scramble of stars ahead of him. “I thought you loved me.”

You took a massive breath and let it out in a gust, clearing your throat of the burning ball building within it.

You needed to go before you said something stupid, like you changed your mind. There was just one thing left to do.

You started taking off your ring.

Hands brought you to a stop.

“What are you doing?” It was said so fiercely, you jerked back, startled. When you locked eyes with Chanyeol’s, they were aflame. The fire in his eyes reminded you of the infamous painting of Lucifer.

The intensity had you gulping in fear.

“Keep it,” he said through gritted teeth.

“But–”

“No,” he repeated, just as intensely. “That’s yours. Hold on to my heart for me. I only want you to have it.”

“Chanyeol….” Your eyes clouded over again with fresh tears. There was a change in him. Instead of being the victim, he was being strong, fully coming to terms with what was happening.

His grip on your hand tightened slightly, “You said you want to be alone. Fine. I’ll leave you alone. But, I want you to remember that there is someone that loves you. I will always be in love with you. Even now, when you’re leaving me. Even if you find someone new, I will always be here–waiting for you to come back to me.”

“What if I don’t come back?” You can’t help but ask.

“I don’t know if you will,” he said. His authenticity only made you feel worse. “But I’ll be waiting all the same.”

He squeezed your hand. “So, please, Mel, do this last thing for me. Keep the ring.”

Hot tears streamed down your face and he brushed them away with his thumbs before leaving a lingering kiss on your forehead.

“I love you.”

His confession had you sobbing. He was letting you go completely, and it had you regretting the decision. You loved him so much and you leaving at the end of the day had nothing to do with him. This was a selfish choice, but it was one you knew you had to make. You had to do something for yourself for once, and this was it. Putting yourself first wasn't easy, but it was necessary for you to grow into the person you wanted to be.

“I know you still love me,” Chanyeol continued. “But I think I’m starting to understand what you’re trying to do.”

“I’m sorry,” you said for the hundredth time.

He gave you a small smile, taking in your features as though it were for the last time, which was a high chance it would be. “I know.”

That’s enough of a goodbye to you.

You stare at each other for a moment longer, wanting to prolong the inevitable. But, finally you pulled away and opened the door, stumbling out. Holding your hand to your chest, you felt the cool metal of your engagement ring against your burning flesh–the physical representation of his heart.

Despite breaking it, it was the only thing that gave you strength.

It was what got you through the loneliest year of your life.

Until he took it back.

You awake the next day more exhausted than before you dozed off. Cracking open an eye, you see Sehun fluttering around. His dark hair is wet, dampening the shoulders of his white t-shirt that’s tucked into black slacks.

He notices you and grins. “Oh! Good morning.”

You groan as you stretch. “What time is it?”

“It’s a little past eleven. I was just about to wake you. I have to leave here in a bit.”

You sit up, squinting. “I need a shower.”

“You’re free to use mine, although you didn’t bring anything with you.”

You sigh. That means you’ll have to go back to your room.

“There’s breakfast on the table. Eat first. You’ll have just enough time to get ready after.”

You nod while letting out a large yawn. Sehun walks past you and you grab his wrist, pulling him to a stop. He glances down at you questioningly, and you answer with a smile. “Thank you.”

He matches your smile. “Of course. Now go eat.”

He pats the bird’s nest on top of your head before disappearing into his room, leaving while you’re in the middle of eating. You take your time, chewing slowly as you work up the courage to head over to your suite.

Once in the hallway, your eyes are drawn over to the door a little off to your right. The one Chanyeol vanished after kissing you last night. Your breath catches as you remember the feeling of his lips against yours. The way his hands cupped your face. The desperation in his gaze and voice. You shake your head and realize that you had started walking over to the room instead of your own. You let out a shaky laugh, you can’t go to him. Not yet. Not after last night, not before going to a wedding of all things! Still… you find yourself lingering. Hoping, maybe, he’ll open the door. That he’ll find you waiting for him, that you both can finally have the talk you’ve been dancing around since first locking eyes a few days ago.

He doesn’t come out, probably already left for the wedding, and with disappointment sitting heavy in your chest, you shuffle back over to your suite.

It’s quiet when you finally enter. The door to Seulgi’s room is closed, but yours is open. You creep in to find your best friend sitting at the vanity, blow-drying her hair. You lock eyes in the mirror and she jumps from fright.

“Morning,” you wince. “I just have to grab my things to get ready.”

“Are you going to get ready at Sehun’s?”

“Yeah. Thought it would be easier on everyone.”

Seulgi pouts. “We were going to get ready together.”

“That was before Yerim decided to hate us.”

“Actually, she might’ve already gotten over it.” She sees your confused expression and sighs. “Chanyeol stopped by earlier.”

Her words cause you to completely freeze. You don’t even breathe as you register what she just said. You had missed him.

“He did?” You ask, anticipating her answer. That bitter iron taste slowly leaking into the back of your throat.

“Yeah. He came by to talk to Yerim. I guess one of the boys told him what he did last night. He sounded very apologetic. They spoke for a while, but I didn’t hear anything. They went in my room and closed the door. He asked for you as well, but I told him that you weren’t here, and that talking to you probably wasn’t the best idea.”

You hum noncommittally, thawing again. Seulgi is right. Neither one of you are in the best place mentally at the moment. And despite wanting to speak to him privately, you are a bit apprehensive of being alone with him.

“Yerim spoke to me afterwards,” Seulgi continues, unaware of your inner monologue. “It was to ask if I booked her flight, but still. She didn’t sound as angry, so whatever he said must have calmed her down.”

“So, she’s still going to leave?”

She lets out a heavy sigh. “Unfortunately, she won’t budge. She will be flying out right after the ceremony.”

“This is all my fault.”

She lifts a hand, halting your words. “Don’t start. You know that it’s not. Now get over here and dry the rest of my hair, I can’t reach the back.”

You can’t help but smile at her bossy tone and walk over, grabbing the dryer out her hands and gladly complying.

When that task is done, you slip into the shower. Once clean, you head back to your room to get dressed, but when you open the door, Yerim is on the other side.

“Oh!” You startle.

“Oh, you’re here….” She averts her gaze, and it kills you a little.

You call after her. “I know you’re still angry, but can we talk? Just us?”

She sighs but relents with a nod, heading back to the room she shared with Seulgi until last night.

She sits on the edge of the bed, you remain standing.

“I’m sorry,” you start. “I’m sorry for not telling you the moment I realized he was your date. I should’ve said something then, but when he pretended to not know us, I don’t know, I didn’t want you to think I was making things up or trying to meddle.”

“It’s true that I most likely wouldn’t have believed you at first,” she says. “But I still believe I was owed that much. I could’ve talked to him about it and we would’ve figured things out together, instead of him making the decision himself.”

“You’re right,” you agree. “You should’ve had a choice. By not telling you, I took that away from you. I just couldn’t bear to break your heart, Yerim. When you came down to the hall that first day, it was obvious how happy you were. I didn’t want to take that away from you. I would rather swallow my pride and jealousy, and endure the pain of seeing him with somebody else, then ruin your joy.”

Yerim’s quiet, pondering over your words. Her next words surprise you. “You were jealous?”

You huff out a laugh. “Is that all you heard?”

She shakes her head, but you catch a small smile. “It’s just weird. You being jealous of me.”

“This whole situation has been weird,” you say.

“That I can agree with.”

It’s silent for a breath and she seems to sober up. “I believe you.”

That’s enough to have your head whipping over to her.

“I believe that you had my best interest at heart, but at the end of the day, he still kissed you and you still lied to me. I can’t forgive you–not now at least. Not when it’s all still so fresh.”

“I understand.” And you did, although it hurt to hear. “I wish things went differently. You deserved better.”

“Thank you,” she says with a watery smile. “You did too, you know?”

You eye her skeptically and she notices, rolling her own. She says your name. “You’ve been caught in the middle this whole time. I don’t know what has been going on between you and Chanyeol, but I know from that kiss, that you both had been holding back for my sake. It wasn’t fair for you to have to do that.”

You think about the other almost kisses and can’t help but to disagree with Yerim’s words. Yes, you were holding back, but it was only a matter of time before you had cracked yourself.

“Chanyeol was never mine.” Yerim’s words catch your attention and you refocus on the broken-hearted girl, who was looking very introspective and mature at the moment. “I know this now. He was here earlier. He apologized for last night and the way he handled us, and it was so obvious, I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it the moment you were back in his life. He never really liked me. Maybe he thought he could, but it seems more like he saw a way to try to forget you and took it. I just so happened to be a willing participant in his charade.”

“He wasn’t using you,” you can’t help but defend.

Her smile turns sad. “He still cares about you, and I have a feeling you still care about him also.”

“Yerim….”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. Just be honest from now on. Okay, Mel?”

You groan and she laughs, it rings sincerely.

“What does that even mean, anyway?”

“Long story,” you dismiss with a wave of a hand. “So… we’re good?”

She contemplates for a moment, scrutinizing you before giving you a nod. “We’re about twenty percent good.”

“I’ll take it!” You pull her into a hug before she can fight you off and leave her room in higher spirits.

You get ready with Seulgi and the two of you are back to feeling excited. With the ceremony looming, it’s easy to get lost in your excitement for Junmyeon. Thoughts of Chanyeol are forgotten as you laugh and dance to the playlist Seulgi created specifically for getting hype over the event.

The massive hotel Junmyeon will one day inherit has two wedding venues. One is outside by the shore, while the other is in a building connected to the hotel. He decided to have his ceremony in the latter, which you are grateful for. The sun is beating heavily this late afternoon, and you know your makeup would melt off if you were outside for too long.

The hall is magnificent. In the center is a long elevated runway, the end of it splits into two, so it’s like a T shaped stage. The surface of the stage is a screen, showing a moving image of the sparkling blue sea, it’s waves gently overlapping each other. At the edge of the stage, in the middle of the horizontal top of the T is a white arch with peach flowers wrapped around it with golden vines. At least six chandeliers hang low from the ceiling with icy diamonds softly sparkling against the golden hues of the light. Either side of the runway is lined with rows of chairs all facing the front where the bride and groom will be saying their vows.

Yerim, Seulgi, and yourself sit on the right side of the stage, in the fourth row. The place is filling up quickly, the event close to starting. The three of you sit silently as you wait with baited breath. Why are you nervous? You don’t even know, but your foot keeps tapping restlessly and you can’t stop wringing your hands.

Finally, the lighting dims and the orchestra from the dinner when you first arrived starts playing. Everyone turns to the double doors that open at the foot of the walkway and the officiate walks in before taking her place in front of the arch. Then comes two pairs of grandparents, followed by both Nayeon and Junmyeon’s mothers, both dawning beautiful hanboks in peach and champagne respectfully.

Once they are seated, the music changes and Junmyeon comes waltzing in, a hand in his pocket and a brilliant thousand watt smile on his lips. You can’t help but smile as well, basking in his joy. He acknowledges people in the audience while you all clap at his arrival. When he’s beside your row, you catch his eye and you both share a wink as both Seulgi and you throw him a thumbs up. He pats his chest in gratitude before moving on to the other guests. Seulgi turns to face you and you both lean into each other. Your friend is actually doing it. He’s actually getting married.

Once Junmyeon takes his place in the front, the wedding party enters. You wrap your arms around Seulgi’s waist, resting your chin on her shoulder as you watch the rest of your best friends walk down the aisle. They all look incredibly handsome. All in charcoal two piece suits, white button downs, silky champagne ties, and hair all gelled back, exposing their foreheads. They’re all just as joyous as the rest of you, big smiles on all of their faces. Chanyeol is the last one to enter, probably because he’s the tallest, and you purposely avoid looking at him, knowing you won’t be able to handle him like this. You wouldn’t be able to handle him like this on your strongest day, but after the kiss, it’s just not realistic.

The music changes again, lilting to the familiar tune of Here Comes the Bride, and everyone stands and shifts their attention to the open doors in anticipation for the star of the ceremony.

Nayeon glides into the room, her father at her side, and she looks absolutely stunning. She’s wearing a lacy long sleeved gown that floats down into a big train. appearing like fresh fallen snow. Her hair is braided back into a knot, revealing her beautiful face. Her big eyes are shiny with unshed tears, and despite not being that close to her, you can’t help but grow misty eyed. She’s undeniably gorgeous, embodying everything a bride should. You can’t take your eyes off of her.

She makes it to the front, her father passes her hand over to her husband’s and goes back to his seat, leaving the two to smile up at each other, and you’re sure they’ve forgotten there are others in the room.

Your attention gets pulled to the right, where Junmyeon’s groomsmen stand, and you lock eyes with Chanyeol. It’s the first time seeing him after his drunken confession and it knocks the wind out of you. He is the most handsome man you have ever seen, but his beauty is haunting with his perfect features fallen in despair. It’s as though seeing you in this setting reminds him of what he lost, of what could have been. Three years ago, he would be in Junmyeon’s position, staring lovingly at his bride-to-be. Instead, he watches her in the crowd, with longing in his wounded heart.

It’s enough to bring back that bitter iron taste this wedding has shoved down your throat.

“I know,” you mouth to him, and god didn’t you. You give him an understanding nod and that seems to be enough to console him. He sucks in a breath, finally blinking away the strong emotions of regret and helplessness, and turns back to his friends.

Now that the couple are at the altar, everyone sits down, allowing the event to proceed.

The ceremony is quick. The two share their vows. Nayeon’s is sweet and she barely gets through them, nearly bursting into tears every few words. Junmyeon’s is cheesy, riddled with dad jokes, but there is no denying his devotion to her. Baekhyun and Chen, who both minored in choir, sing a few songs for the newlyweds that only make you even more emotional. After that, the couple turn to the crowd, bowing before you all. Nayeon lowers her head, but Junmyeon gives a deep bow, falling onto his hands and knees to press his forehead to the stage. Then they walk to the tail end of the stage and finally share their first kiss as husband and wife. Junmyeon, ever the showman, dips Nayeon and the crowd hoots and cheers for them. It’s all very sweet.

That marks the end of the actual ceremony, so they head back to the arch and take pictures with guests for about twenty minutes. Everyone wants a picture with the newlyweds. Yerim doesn’t wish to, but both Seulgi and you are practically forced to by the boys. You both get on the stage and catch the way Nayeon takes in your matching champagne colored dresses with dismay before quickly brushing it off.

Just because you weren’t in the wedding didn’t mean you weren’t going to show your support. You are also close friends with Junmyeon, so he may have let it slip what color the boys will be wearing, hinting that you both should maybe get dresses in that color as well.

You shimmy up to Sehun, who holds you close, and smile at the camera. The whole college crew gets a bunch of pictures together and it is filled with laughter and silliness, as it always is when you’re all together.

Once you’re done with the photo op, you head back over to the ballroom, where the reception is being held. Seulgi and Yerim break away to go to the hotel room so that Yerim can leave, her flight is in a couple hours. Seulgi tells you she’ll be right back. You want to go with them, but don’t want to agitate Yerim any more than you already have, so you instead enter the room alone. None of your friends have arrived yet, so you just awkwardly stand by the food, not really hungry. You take in everyone present and get overwhelmed with loneliness. It’s not too long though, before the groomsmen all enter. You chuckle when the crowd applauses at their arrival, the mini celebrities.

Jongdae finds you quickly and makes his way over.

“What are you doing, hiding in the corner?” He asks. You attempt a smile, having little faith in the strength of your voice, and shake your head in answer.

“Are you hungry?” He asks. You shake your head again. He furrows a brow. “Where’s Seulgi and her sister?”

You shrug and clear your throat, trying to tell him in so many ways what’s going on. He takes a pause, eyes roaming your face and posture. You aren’t sure if he catches on, but he must have seen something because he nudges your shoulder and gently grabs your wrist, pulling you over to a table already inhabited by Jongin and Baekhyun.

It’s not long until the newlyweds make their grand entrance, and soon after a DJ starts playing fun music and the ballroom lights dim, allowing for a little laser show to bounce shapes across the walls. The tables are situated in such a way that allow for a makeshift dance floor in front of the DJ table. Sehun arrives with a whole tray of champagne and hands them out. Seulgi makes it back just in time to join the toast.

“To us,” Sehun murmurs simply. You all gently clink your glasses together, basking in the love you all have for each other.

“Is she gone?” You finally find your voice to ask Seulgi after taking a sip of the obviously expensive drink.

She nods, exposed shoulders falling. “She didn’t want me to wait for her. She said she’ll text me when she makes it there.”

You rub her back and she leans her head onto your shoulder. You take in your dapper friends. “You all did so amazing, and look very handsome in your suits.”

“The best groomsmen ever,” Seulgi adds, throwing them a finger heart.

“Why, thank you,” Baekhyun says, smoothing his suit jacket.

“We’ll keep the suits for the next wedding,” Jongin adds.

“Which will probably be Jongdae at this rate,” Sehun says.

Jongdae laughs. “Hey now, let’s have this baby first. Then we can start talking about marriage.”

“Should we bet on it?” Baekhyun asks, smiling conspiringly.

Jongin groans. “You never play fair.”

“You’re no fun. The only one that ever plays with me anymore is Chanyeol.”

“Where is he anyways?” Seulgi asks, lifting her head off of you so that she can continue drinking.

“Around here somewhere,” Baekhyun says, tossing a hand dismissively. You surreptitiously glance around, but don’t see him. You try not to show your disappointment.

“He was helping the crew put away chairs before I left the venue,” Sehun reveals.

“That’s nice of him,” Jongdae says.

“Always such a sweetheart.”

“I thought he was an asshole?”

“He’s a sagittarius,” Seulgi shrugs. That’s enough of an answer for you all. You get the suspicion that he’s being ‘nice’ as an avoidance tactic and you’re jealous you didn’t think of it yourself.

Another twenty minutes pass, and even though you love being around your friends, you just want to be alone and sulk. Now that the wedding is officially over, you can’t shake off that dark rotten feeling sitting heavy in your gut. There are so many negative emotions swirling around you, darkening your aura, and there’s only one other person that you feel you can talk to about it, but aren’t even sure if he wants to.

The others have been drinking and some have worked up the courage to get on the dance floor. The groomsmen really know how to put on a show. The crowd instantly cheers, glad to see that people are starting to let loose. You’re thankful to see Seulgi join them, she’s honestly one of the best dancers in the group, and she needs to let loose right now.

The only person that sits at the table with you is Sehun.

“I think I’m going to go,” you tell him, trying to act regretful.

He takes you in quietly. “I’m glad you stayed for this long. I didn’t think you would come to the reception.”

You raise a questioning eyebrow at him, but he gives you a smile full of pity as an answer.

“You look beautiful, by the way. It was smart of Junmyeon to tell you the color. I did notice that Yerim didn’t wear it though.”

“She’s not one of us….” You let the sentence trail off, catching how defensive you sound.

“You’re right,” he acknowledges around the rim of his flute. “She’s not.”

You study him for a moment, taking in the way he turns away from you to watch your friends dance battle. You want to leave, but find yourself hesitating, waiting for Sehun to say what he wants to say.

“What are you waiting for?” He asks instead, turning back to you. “Go before they notice. If any of them catch you, you won’t be leaving this reception until we all get kicked out.”

You grin gratefully before quietly slipping out. You feel bad for not saying goodbye to Junmyeon, but you’ll see him again some day. Plus, you know he won’t hold it against you.

The lobby is empty when you go to hit the up button on the elevator and rub your cold bare arms as you wait for the doors to open. Once they do, you climb in, hit the floor number, lean against the corner and wait for the doors to close, trying to keep your mind clear of any thoughts.

Right as the doors are closing, someone sticks their hand out, causing them to open again. Your heart both plummets and soars as Chanyeol rushes in. He locks eyes with you and freezes in shock, not expecting you of all people. He catches himself quickly, throwing you a wistful knowing grin. “Couldn’t stomach it either, huh?”

Just like when Jongdae found you at the reception, you can’t find your voice, only an itchy feeling you can’t scratch. His presence brings on an onslaught of emotions that get caught in your throat, choking you with the overwhelming feeling of longing and hurt and regret and frustration and other things you can’t instantly place.

He swallows thickly at what he sees in your expression, and turns away from you, going to press the button to his floor, only to be reminded you’re both heading to the same place.

The doors close, trapping you in with the one person that’s been on your mind constantly since you stepped foot onto this island. The elevator is thick with tension, the silence almost overbearing, causing you to sweat a little. It’s full of all the things you both want to say to each other, full of things you’ve never been able to say to each other. You want to start rambling, to fill the silence that is only awkward because you’re making it that way. Your chest is heavy with all that you need to tell him piled onto it, but you find that you can’t seem to find the right words, despite everything. You dare a peek and a squeak leaves your mouth when you catch him already looking at you. He seems to be just appraising you, taking advantage of having you this close to him after such a long time. The moment your eyes lock, he straightens to attention, letting you know that he’s willing to listen to whatever you want to say.

How he knows that’s what you want is beyond you, but you’re relieved to know he’s allowing you this.

Unfortunately, you still can’t seem to vocalize the millions of thoughts running through your head.

There’s a ding and then the doors are opening, letting all the tension out with it like a deflating balloon. You make your way out. Chanyeol trails a few steps behind you. The heat of his gaze stiffening your shoulders as you make it to your room.

Once you arrive at your room, you find yourself hovering, unable to pull out the key to unlock the door. Chanyeol walks past you, towards his own room, and you swallow down the disappointment flooding your mouth.

You finally reach into your bag to grab that key, but the sound of urgent footsteps catches your attention. Chanyeol rushes back to you.

“Do you, uh, want to come to my room?” He asks, avoiding your gaze. Your heart leaps as you watch him scratch the back of his neck.

The word is leaving your mouth before you can even contemplate.

“Yeah.”

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taglist @byunparklimchoi, @defloey

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dyingclown · 3 months

Text

TW for ableism in schools!!!

me when irls say borderline ableist things to me but i cant do anything about it 😟

none of my irl friends know that im autistic because i hate telling people plus it's barely relevant

and when i tell people they like. look at me different. and i dont like it they freak me out

if you know you know but people dont treat me the same and i hate it

id like to think that im good at masking because i TRY to mask and i do everything i can to blend in and socialize as anyone else would

but there has to be something im doing wrong

i have a group of classmates that i do work with and stuff because theyre the only ones i know in the class

im friendly and polite and respectful and i make jokes and i laugh at their jokes

but they act so weird when im around

they look at me like im subhuman or something. i cant explain it there is just something about it

but it's only for a brief moment before they go back to normal. and i dont understand

in middle school i would occasionally have very public meltdowns (not my choice obviously, the mere thought of them makes me want to retreat from society for the rest of eternity. humiliating.) and i thought that everyone had forgotten about them but they hadnt

so basically theres no amount of masking that can save me from the perception of those who knew me in middle school

one of the people i was in class with in middle school had seen one of my meltdowns back then and we are still acquaintances today

we were in a group for a project a little while ago and she was jokingly giving everyone in the group fake titles

the title she gave me was "autistic"

i laughed at the time despite how alarmed i was and i asked her how she knew and she said "it's kind of obvious"

and everyone was just laughing and stuff but this happened several weeks ago and i havent stopped thinking about it since

it just felt so dehumanizing idk

speaking of dehumanizing, i HATE the school mental health system

school mental health workers are easily some of the cruelest and least empathetic people ive ever met in my entire life

i have several times been directed to an empty conference room while having a meltdown, but the "therapist" wouldnt leave me in there to be alone

she would just stand at the doorway staring at me

i would pace around the room and when i got even remotely close to her she would back away, as though i were some sort of feral animal about to pounce

i have never had a history of violence

but a crying child in mental anguish is the same as a grizzly bear, of course

it's all just so stupid

i feel so isolated and alone. i cant understand anyone else and they dont even try to understand me

i run a fake school confessions account and im anonymous on there

thats the closest ive ever been to being a part of the school community

it feels nice because they are treating the account with respect and im getting positive attention from my peers

im not used to it

but it sucks that the only way for me to be respected is to be anonymous

#ableism #autism #autistic

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delilah705 · 3 months

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I totally get that. As much as I try not to be bothered by what others think, deep down I still care. We are all human and trying to fit in and while I have made progress with writing/posting what I want, there are some days where I’m weak to how I imagine others perceive me/will perceive me. Spot on with the whole ‘others thinking that the way authors write certain characters is ooc’. I’ve seen writers get hate comments because they wrote a character a certain way and a reader saw that as ooc. The whole thing about writing fics is how you perceive these characters and how they will act in certain situations and unless it’s specifically stated in canon its up to the writer’s interpretation of the characters (even then authors are free to write characters deemed as ooc if they want, that’s the beauty with fics is that your making something your own)! Same, I lost so much due to losing hyperfixation. There have been so many times where I have great ideas for a specific fandom/character, write a premise of it, then leave it alone and not build on it only to come back to it later on wanting to continue but ultimately not being able to because I don’t have the same love for that fandom/character that I used to. It’s a shame really and no fault but my own…definitely a needed learning experience but it still doesn’t ease the pain. A piece of advice to any creators of art or stories would be to work with that current inspo while it’s there before its lost because you never know what will come out of it or when, if ever, that inspo will come back to you (it’s such a fickle, delicate thing). Well said, I agree that we should try new things despite the fear (this applies not only to fandom but life in general). I would rather do it scared than regret not trying/taking that new opportunity (I’m saying this from experience, there has been so many missed opportunities because I was too scared to try)

FF.net? Is it still popular?? I think I’m slight just after that era of popular fandom sites but apparently it has a lot of good fics on there from what I’ve heard around on the internet. I know at some point, when the whole fiasco about certain people being on the board of ao3 was happening, there was talk about going back to that site. You read fics to your grandmother? You’re very brave lol. Honestly, that's so sweet and I love that for you!!! I don’t think I have the face to read fanfics to anyone I know irl. Yeah, same I wanna know who changed my life (for the better), let’s just have a little chat. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got hate for it, since it would be drastically different from other fics at the time, and if they did I’m glad they powered through. We wouldn’t have what we have today if it wasn’t for them 😌

I feel your pain. I, unfortunately, have my fics locked because of the whole AI thing. I was told it would lessen the likelihood of it being scrapped for learning material but as much as I don’t want to think about it no matter how hard I try if someone really wanted to use my fics there is no stopping them unless I delete them. Idk if that is still going around but it does give me a little comfort knowing my fics have a little layer of protection. What I’ve been trying to do is comment *2nd re-read* or *chapter kudo* on fics. I saw someone else do this online and think it’s such a great idea! Oh yeah, ao3 is intimidating. There is so much I don't know about the site and I’m constantly learning something new all the time. Wait, what??? That’s how you get the little heart?? That’s so cute!!! I have no idea how to rec a fic, didn’t even realize you could do that! One of these days I have to take the time to sit down and teach myself all that you can do on ao3. Being able to private bookmark is such a saving grace!! Tho I do appreciate users who don’t private bookmark fics they like because if I like your writing then generally we are going to like reading similar styled fics (after reading a fic I usually check out their other works and then occasionally check their bookmarks if they have them not privated). Haha, I’ll take time to go through them then. From the sounds of it we have similar interests

Oooh, that makes sense now and it is such a mood. I do like slow burn and they way some writers are able to write it without dragging it out for too long is *chefs kiss* but another feral part of my brain just wants to get to the nitty gritty asap

Yeah, socials are so hot and cold when it comes to nsfw. Like,, please let me enjoy what I enjoy. I’m just trying to escape the real world for a bit. I do understand wanting to keep minors safe but honestly they are going to find a way regardless if they truly wanted to (I was once one of them but never attacked adults for me making the choice to see nsfw). That’s why I have a minors dni in my bio so they get a warning but I can’t control them….it really sucks that one thing ruins it for everyone. Why come after me for not controlling your child?? It’s your job as the parent, not some random stranger on the internet just trying to live their life. I didn’t force them to come on my page and look around???

Sdjofbswowefhowa - don’t even get me started on villains!!!!!!! That is such a passion of mine!!!!!!! They just change my brain chemistry in the best of ways. Every time I see those memes along the lines of ‘if bad, why hot’ or even people analyzing why villains are more attractive than heroes (the villain will choose you over the world and the hero will choose the world over you) I go insane. Agreed, mostly every character I have found hot is the villain, or if I'm just starting a show/movie I genuinely gravitate towards the villain. Bye, they are my fav now. Just recently I saw an edit of snow, from the hunger games, when he was younger and omg when I tell you he has me in a chokehold, he fr has me in a chokehold. Yes sir, you are 100% percent right, snow does land on top. I saw a comment where they said Lucy Gray was stronger than them and they are right, there’s no way in hell I would be strong enough to resist a character that pursued me how villains pursue their love interests. Sorry, you’ll never have my heart like they do. I’m not even into the hunger games movies and I haven’t seen tbosas but god damn I be reading fics about him all the time and from what I grasp his character is just my type. I don’t see myself ever writing for the tbosas fandom but you best believe I’m eating all those snow x reader fics up 🏃🏻‍♀️💨

Dude, you fr could write an entire novel length response and I would read every word of it! Same, I completely understand!! Some of the stuff I write I’m borderline worried it’ll come off as trying to make it about me but I’m trying to show that I relate 😭. That’s so sweet of you 🥹! Honestly made my day 💝

Yeah. :( I'll be real, the fear of being perceived is what keeps me from making progress on my WIPs some days. I'll fret over something and then get mad at myself for letting my fear of what people will think control me to that degree. There's so many WIPs that I'm rather nervous about posting because of that, but… If I let that hold me back all the time, I'd never get anything done or be able to express myself to the fullest extent possible. DX I've been one of them, I'll be real. But comment moderation has been my best friend in that regard now. I used to not have it, and other websites don't have the option to turn comments off. It's true! And… When it comes to AUs, of course they're going to be different! The thing that defined them as characters to begin with were their canon experiences! Take that away, and you get an entirely different person. (Which is what fascinates me most writing AUs) And… While I do try my best to keep everyone as in character as possible, it's just not possible when it comes to situations that they haven't been in in canon to use as a reference. Everyone's going to have a different opinion of how they'd react in those situations, and the best you can do as a reader is find a person who writes them to your tastes and leave the fics that go a way you don't think that character would behave.

And, if you really don't vibe with anyone's interpretation, the best part is that you can write your own fic! You can write them the way you want, even if it's not physically. You can write it in your brain if you don't want to on paper or digitally! Create scenes and craft scenarios! I always get so mad when the excuse is, 'Well what if I don't know how to write?!? >:(' asodghi- Like!?!? Have you never written a paper in school for an assignment?!? You wanna tell me you've never picked up a pencil ever?? You're typing right now! What makes you think you can't write your own fic? We all had to start somewhere! We didn't just start writing master pieces at the tender age of twelve! There is literally no reason to leave a mean comment on someone's fic. Ever. Even if it's the most offensive thing in existence. Just- Just leave. It's not that hard. Even if it triggers you or hurts your feelings, just leave. But I know the hard truth is that some people thrive off of being mean to others and some don't even realize how hurtful they're truly being. Awww! D: No!! Augh. DX I haaate that so much. :'( I'm sorry. Yep! You really gotta grasp that inspiration by the neck when you can! Even if you have to tackle it down by writing those story notes and ideas on a napkin on a lunch break! Yes! That's become my new motto basically. Do it scared, because otherwise, some of those opportunities you might look back at and say, 'If only I had done this, if only I had taken this chance.'

XD I have no idea! I was mostly there around 2014-16 or so. They've added ads on there last time I check though! DX Super annoying to be reading and then big square with an ad that didn't load. Ugh. And this annoying verification thing. >.< I haven't been on there in a while, but it was sometime last year when I was last on. I don't even know if some of those fics I adored will still be there… I heard something about fics being purged on there, so people were warning others to back their fics up and I think quite a few moved theirs to Ao3. o.o Really? I did not know that… But I don't keep up with the OTW stuff. XD I sure did! I even read some of my own to her! (Not the spicy ones, though. >.< Good Lord, the embarrassment I'd feel now if that was the case…) But usually only the ones I thought were funny. There was one in particular, a Ghirahim story…

XD Okay, so while on a journey to find it, I logged back into my account. That annoying verification thing isn't there anymore, but I dunno about the ads… I joined Jun 18, 2013. XD If you want a younger me's favorite works from FF.net to check out, let me know, haha! My last favorited work is actually also on Ao3 so it should be in my bookmarks there too I think! My last favorited work was in 2020! DX Never mind! Stupid verification thing is still there, only when you click on a fic! How annoying! They could just be mad I have adblocker though. :/ They can get over it. I'm not turning it off. The fic I remember most reading to my grandmother was A Different Path by Catwhiskers24. And there was one fic of mine in particular that I have not reposted mostly because it's a little hard to look at without thinking of her as it was one of the last things I read to her before her health plummeted and… Yeah. But thank you! :') It makes me really sad because there's so many things I wish I could have read her now that I've discovered so much more, and I wonder what she'd think of the kinds of (not lewd lol) stories that I'm writing now. I think I would have enjoyed sharing certain parts of FTPOF with her… I wish I could have known what she would have thought about Vash, as I'm sure she might have gotten a kick out of his 98 persona in those first few episodes. And I was told by someone in the family after she passed that the highlight of her day was me coming down to talk to her about my interests and read her stories. TvT Excuse me for a moment- Hhhh-

Anyway, love your folks while you can, people! They won't always be there! Tell your friends and family members that you love them! Hug them while you can, love them while you can, spend time with them while you can! XD Oh God, the only other people I've read to in my life other than her in my younger years have made me A.) Insecure and B.) Feel like they really didn't care so uh,… Don't read to people if you're fragile, okay? <.< Especially if it's your own fic. Me too! :D I hope whoever they are that they're doing well! DX Oh, I could totally see that but I really hope they didn't. Me too! Gosh, the courage to just post something entirely new like that! But that's totally true! We wouldn't! And I'm very grateful that they did share!

Oh, yes! I remember seeing all the posts about that! It's true. :( That's partially why I didn't lock mine. I'm just kinda, 'Whatever happens, happens.' And also because I'm greedy and want longer reach. XD That, and I didn't think it was fair that those who've been following my fics so far without accounts would have to make one if they didn't want to just to keep reading my fics. Honestly, to them, it would have seemed like I'd deleted my work entirely too, and I didn't want that, but that's just me personally. If you wanna lock your fics, that's your right and decision. If it makes you feel safer concerning AI or in general, if you think it'll mean you're less likely to get troll comments or just mean people in general commenting, I say go for it. :o Omg! That is great! Oh, same! And I've been using it for years now! Yeah! :D Next to the Private bookmark checkbox, there's one called 'Rec' and that's how you give people a heart bookmark! There's still so much to learn about that website omg! XD Oh, me too! Some of my favorites I found by browsing my favorite author's bookmarks! And then it's just like a continuous thing for me of reading people's works and then looking into their bookmarks unless they have all of them privated. XD But then I just find someone else who doesn't and yeah. Oh no! haha! XD Be wary! I have quite a few that I know would squick a lot of people out, and note that some of my all-time favorites are still not in there as I have not been able to go through every fandom I've ever been in just yet looking for them again. If you wanna read a really funny platonic one that I adore that I literally hunted for for about fifteen minutes because I wanted to read it again that I have not bookmarked again just yet, it's: Sometimes, You Just Have To Scream In A Front Garden Until You Get What You Want by maximum_overboner

XD Oh, same! Omg… I read this fic once. It's super long and the main couple still has not gotten together! It was the longest slow burn I've ever read! D: But unfortunately, they had computer trouble and lost a lot of their work. T^T Which, I can relate. There's one one-shot in particular that I just… Lost a lot of progress on. I'm hoping it can be recovered from my hard drive, but if not,… It's just lost. I mean, the good part is that I still have the uneditted version I'd been working on at the time, but it's just… Missing a lot of stuff that I can't hope to recreate because I just… Don't even remember what all I've lost to be able to replicate it. I've also lost at least one entire fic due to my laptop dying and having not saved it. And one time I lost a bunch of headcanons because my computer randomly restarted. It was awful. But if you wanna check out the fic in question, it's Keeping Secrets by ElvenSemi. XD I know what you mean!! That's me right now with FTPOF!! I'm like, 'Do I hold off more or?? Sex scene this chapter?' I don't know! XD I don't wanna rush it but!! There's so much sexual tension rn!! This is why I mostly write oneshots! 😂

For real. :/ I do too, but I was also one of them as well! XD Lied about my age on Deviantart, and then lied again to see stuff on Newgrounds that I definitely should not have! But I also never attacked the adults for what they made! It was my fault for going into those spaces knowing that it had adult content because my parents literally had no idea how the internet functioned all that well and that that kind of content was on there. And I was a little sneak who would clear my history and listen very close for footsteps and pull up a bunch of tabs to hide the names of them. I would hope no minors are following me! But I really can't control that unless they put their age or 'minor' in their bio and I'd really rather them not? I mean, it's so easy to lie about it and I think it puts them in more danger than it helps if they truly are underage and are sharing their real age. For real, though!! D: Especially when it comes to spaces that does allow nsfw! Or is strictly so! (Which you don't see much of these days, really.) I'm a firm believer that adults should have their own spaces! I saw someone compare it to a child walking into a liquor store and complaining about the liquor like?? It's an adult space? Liquor is not for children?

X3 Omg!! I could talk about villains all day! XD Omg yesss!! So true! (Omg. 🤤 My heart…) XD They just!! The way that I'm so weak for the 'I'll burn the whole world down for you' or that character that literally hates everyone but you. 😍 Omg… lASghja-s XD It's so funny that I'm literally re-reading the first book rn with the intention of reading the entire series!! I've been watching people react to the movies to see their opinions and insights on them and I just-- AAAa! We read the first book in school and watched the first movie when it came out and I just… Couldn't handle the events that happens in movie 2 and dropped it for the longest. That book traumatized me with the mutts. I never forgot that they were made from the dead tributes. And I seen Snow's actor for TBOSAS and oh. 👀 I can see why the thirst is there for him. XD Omg yessss! Aaaaa- She's so strong. I couldn't. I think I'd cave. I hated him sooo much as the villain when I was younger, let's see if that changes as I re-read this first book and finish the series. It's already made me cry in chapter one. :') God, the books are so heavy. Though I must admit I did gain a new appreciation for Peeta recently that a younger me just did not have. Don't be surprised if you see Hunger Games references in my stories in the future.

Aww! 😭 You're gonna make me cry! It hasn't don't worry! I love reading your asks! Aww, I'm glad I could! :'D I hope you have a fantastic day today. I would have responded sooner, but I had to go places and I didn't get to finish my response until now. I wish you well!!

#Sfw #Anonymous #Ask

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