#don't worry about this i'm just mentally ill <3 haha | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ssreeder · 3 months

Note

hi, I don't use tumblr often, but i when i do, i always check your account to check if you posted something. LIAB is amazing. i truly have no words. i have read a LOT of fanfics from very different fandoms and i can confidently say that Leaving It All Behind is the best one i have ever read. the world you've built around the main characters is so deep, and realistic. even though benders are not real, it feels like i'm reading about true events. you describe the horrors of war and trauma so well. i'm actually very, very impressed. i happen to be a person that suffers from ptsd and other mental illnesses and and the way you portray traumatized characters is very realistic. i know you always say that the main characters' recovery is unrealistically fast, but don't worry about that. the way you describe zuko and sokka's feelings is perfect. their recovery doesn't seem rushed. it just looks like they're adapting and learning how to deal with it fast (we have to remember that the war is still very much happening and sadly they don't have a lot of time to deal with everything that happened to them). i'm so grateful i found your work. it's truly amazing, i hope you won't give up on writing when you finish the LIAB trilogy. have a good day/night

AWWWW OMG THANK YOU <3

seriously this was so kind I’m still in shock. I’m so happy you think the healing arc is realistic because I try to balance the stories pace with the characters struggles and emotions (some of them make it DIFFICULT haha) but I’m always worried it doesn’t translate well.

I have a lot of fun writing LIAB & I’m really glad you like it so much. I hope I continue to make you proud & thank you so much for this amazing ask you made my day <3

#This is so validating you have no idea ahhhh #I have read so many fics where the chatacter (zuko lol) has gone through extreme trauma or torture and he gets rescued or escapes #& then it’s like after a quick patch up job he is essentially back to normal #Which… no. lol. I can’t do it!#Trauma follows a person whether they like it or not & everyone copes differently to it #So even with zuko and sokka going through so much they’ll both handle their trauma completely different #I try to show that lol so I’m glad you like it #I am totally worried about the upcoming battle though #Cause shits about to get really rough #But we are in a fun arc right now (as fun as liab can be it’s a fic about children fighting a war so idk… I’d say 25% fun 75% angst)#So we have a few more fun chapters idk 4/5 and then we are on the home stretch #Idk what I’ll do when it’s over this has been so much fun and I’m so sad it’ll come to an end this year #But thanks again for this amazing ask #Its comments and asks like this that pets the head and makes me feel like a good author lol #Gets me fired up to finish the fic!#Wohoooo thank you !!!#Deansnoodle #Zukka #liab #ITF #RIA #ask #Leaving it all behind

15 notes · View notes

wen-kexing-apologist · 7 months

Text

On Repeat Spotify Playlist Tag Game

I was tagged by @waitmyturtles. The name of the game is to put your On Repeat playlist on Spotify on shuffle and listen to the first 10 songs. Mine were:

Chaconne in sol maggoire: variazione 9, Lazar Berman

Which is funny cause I am not sure I’ve ever actually heard this one. It’s fully a left over from when I used Spotify for piano and or cello music to help me fall asleep at night

2. Gut Punch//Don’t Meet Your Idols by Everybody’s Worried About Owen

This song fucking slaps. I am obsessed with it, and we can just pretend like I didn’t listen to this on extensive repeat before I got on depression meds…haha, oops.

3. Dead Mom from Beetlejuice the Musical sung by Anne Caruso

Is my Mom dead? No, thankfully. Does screaming the line “a no one sees me” at the top of my lungs in the car help me when I’m in a mood? You fucking bet it does.

4. Nocturnes, Op. 9: No. 2 in B Flat, Emma Czaplica

It is at this point I debate cheating on this game and skipping the classical songs cause they are my falling asleep music. But maybe this makes me seem more cultured than I am so 🤷🏻

5. I Deserve to Bleed by Sushi Soucy

I’m a very happy go lucky person. Pay no attention to the mental illness songs behind the curtain.

6. I Really F**ked It Up by girli

7. I’m Not Boring, You’re Just Bored by The Tilly Birds

Do I understand the lyrics? No! Does that matter? No! This song is GREAT and I love it

8. Bad Guy Necessity by Little Negrito

A friend of mine made a Vegas Theerapanyakul playlist and I put this song on it, it gets stuck in my head quite often. It’s very good and I feel like very in character for that fucked up character whom I love dearly.

9. Pacific by Chase Petra

Alright maybe I should start cheating on this game…I’m sorry that angsty songs are good, okay?! I have no excuse.

10. The Red Means I Love You by Mads Buckley

Another one from the Vegas playlist. Mads Buckley also sings Brother which I absolutely love even if it’s about an anime character I don’t know from a show I’ve literally never seen.

tagging @twig-tea, @respectthepetty, and @ranchthoughts

#tag game #Spotify

9 notes · View notes

orbleglorb · 10 months

Note

Intrigued about a beginner's guide to being normal

this one has slowly become more and more of me projecting onto a character, yuniesky castellanos torres (aka conditional yuniesky). it deals with pretty heavy topics because i am really projecting so hard. honestly, if i write this, i may have to write a personal version & then a sanitized version the blb fandom will not find upsetting. ngl i am worried ppl are gonna think less of me for my yunie lore? i don't share the darker stuff, but ppl have liked the things i have shared! but also i have changed a lot of that lore! so idk lol

i'll use this summary as a litmus test, i suppose. warning for mentions of teen mental health treatment & gooning (if you don't recognize the term, you're probably fine) (unless that was a term only used at my rtc)

the story follows yunie from him joining blaseball up until all players were released. i have not written down that much, it mostly lives in my head. yuniesky runs away from a wilderness camp* in the moab desert and signs up as an employee in the city of moab. by the time staff find him, he legally belongs to blaseball and they can't do shit. he travels around to a few teams as a tech guy and meets conditional, the computer program, who has become incredibly unruly and uses its sentience to be a nuisance. and Yuniesky gets along with conditional. and since conditional is, like, a super important program that holds important information, yunie kinda just gets the job of being condi's caretaker. they become besties! yunie gets reborn as the shieve's s9 postseason birth and lives in their shadows (and works as their tech guy) for a long time. to avoid talking about where he came from & his past, yuniesky lies. and it's fine for the most part. nobody really talks to him. except for his grandma, who tracked him down like a fucking secret agent or some shit (haha. HAHAHAHA.) and is now doting on him, making sure he's ok, etc. his parents and siblings are too, but he's still pissed at them so he ignores them <3 being gooned** really broke his trust and now he struggles to be open in any capacity. so when his fellow teammates and shadow players ask about himself, he lies. and they keep building up. he gets worried that they'll find out, but luckily he is taken to seattle. crisis averted![citation needed]

yuniesky lands on the spies. he moves in with his grandma, which is really good for his mental health! but now she knows about his lying habit and wants him to stop. but there's two fucking shoe thieves on the spies so there's no way he's doing that shit. the problem? he can't remember what he lied about. he was 16 when he joined. he doesn't fucking remember! and even worse, they want to be friends. not just the former shieves, all of them. so yunie just. keeps lying. up until he gets closer with ivy, which was a TOTAL accident. ivy just needed to get out of a flash flood. then they needed homework help. then they decided he was their bestie/older brother. and ivy figures out that he's lying. and oh. oh it goes so badly. so bad. they have an argument at HQ (read: ivy yells at yunie about "betrayal" and "lying to your friends is bad" and yunie's like "you're not my friends lol. you're my coworkers. and we're spies"). yunie doesn't get why people are pissed. yunie thinks he is a good spy and the closest to normal he will ever be.

i didn't mean to type that much but whatever.

trigger warnings for the notes (basically an explanation of anything w an asterisk): residental treatment/troubled teen programs, ableism, mental & physical harm towards children with mental illness, kidnapping

*for those unaware: wilderness therapy camps are nomadic camps where kids are forced to walk a lot and it's supposed to be theraputic somehow. i'm not joking. you get landmarks you gotta be at, and if you're not there, you're punished. several kids have died in these programs because of neglect, because these camps run year-round in places like moab where it's hot as balls during the summer and colder than a witch's tit in winter. most of the camps are based in utah, supposedly because mormons have less strict rules on what counts as child abuse, but idk how true that is.

**i have no fucking clue what the actual term for gooning is. i can't find these companies anywhere. but in the rtc we called them goons. basically, a group of people are paid by a kid's parents (or sometimes the government) to come into their room in the middle of the night (usually 3 am), take the kid out of their bed, and force them into a vehicle and transport them to a treatment center. some kids don't learn that their parents paid for it until after they've arrived at the treatment center. gooning can leave victims with injuries and immense trauma.

#yuniesky torres #blaseball (organizational)#a beginner's guide to being normal #asks 4 sasha

9 notes · View notes

cardiac-arresting-sweetheart · 3 months

Note

blood, love language, note, regret, vent :3

hehehehheheh.

ok i'm answering for u...

"What is the most extreme thing you think you’re capable of doing in real life for your darling? What’s the worst thing you have already done?"

Oh god. umm okay so to be honest in real life i'm suchhh a coward most of the time.. i think. well i might go crazy. but the worst i'd do is like yell at or GOD THIS IS SO BAD i think i could probably end up trying to like physically assault someone if i got really mad. idk the worst thing i've already done is probably just the Subliminals (tm) hehehehhee :3

"What are your giving and receiving love languages? How does this apply to your darling?"

giving is i think mostly words of affirmation and gifts giving... then receiving is . the same as well Lol . i'm kind of weird about money so i don't rlly buy anyone stuff super readily but i make him subliminals whenever i can yayyyy ^_^ and i made a bracelet with his name and wear it allll the timeeeee 24/7 . And words of affirmation i think i am nice enough to him . and i giggle and kick my feet any time he praises me yippee :3

"Imagine you’re sending a love letter or message to your darling. What would it say?"

OHDONTMAKEMEEMBARRASSMYSELF i'll go back to this. HAHAHAHA

"Do you ever feel guilty about being a yandere or loving differently from other people?"

no my fourness, npd, and delusions makes me immune to this ^_^ i am sooo special i am above everyone else i understand the world like no one else everyone else is not sentient i bring life to my darlings ! yay. i think those who are normal or love "normally" are SOO BORING. the things that make you special are the things that make you strange. - will wood

"Gush, rant, or vent about your darling or anything in general."

why did this make my brain immediately stop working Um. i need to write a poem about it actually... i haven't written any yet i've gotta think about that. maybe i'll do one with alll of dolls names I should do that for my other darling toooo. eheheheheh. he's soooo nice to meeee ^_^ he's toooo nice to me. i think it is funny that he likes me so much.. he keeps worrying me though.. like. Drugs and mental illness. sigh. this would all be solved if we lived together HAHA i need to shiftnap (reality shifting + kidnapping) my darlings so bad. aaahhh doll worries me so much. sigh. sigh. sigh

note time... ummm...

...

i'm dming you this on discord . ^_^

#asks #occam #:3 #💖

2 notes · View notes

thenarryparable · 5 months

Text

My entire personality is music and if I get judged. One more time. I'm gonna explode. I'm already so self conscious.

anyway. Life update.

cw: semi-recovery talk.

I'm 19 days sober.

Recovery is going good but I still feel so self conscious when I can't like. Get rid of my "mistakes". Which is like goldfish and other "bad food".

I still like just can't handle how cold I am and how much my throat hurts now that it's finally healing from all the shit I put it through lmao.

Like I just can't ever get rid of that "Oh fuck what if people see me full and think im disgusting" mentality so I don't really eat. Which isn't like a problem for me. As long as I don't get rid of food it's a improvement you know?

I feel like nobody really is worried about me anymore that im not like. Below below. I mean im getting to that point again because yeah. No breakfast. No lunch. Just a snack and dinner.

I'm not in full recovery at all which is why but I just feel like talking about it. I hate feeling alone and feeling like im weird for wanting to congratulate myself for at least not throwing up food. Constantly.

I am getting weaker though which isn't great.

But hey! Christmas is coming up soon and if im worse in my head I can eat some of those yummy chocolate chips :)

And maybe no more getting yelled at or judged...anymore haha. That would be so fun if I just wasn't so self-conscious of myself lol.

Oh btw I did get groceries.

All good stuff like...fruits, veggies. All stuff I can keep down and not get...urges with. You get what I mean?

Oh and I got double yogurt so maybe I can make those yogurt covered raspberries I wanted to make hehehehehe. I still have a ton of cinnamon to use.

If I make them ill post the recipe. No c*ls listed but measurements and stuff.

Yeah.

Thank you for reading <3

If you are in recovery I hope I can be like you one day :')

#life update #:)

4 notes · View notes

idyllic-affections · 9 months

Note

seeing u reblog the venti fic reminded me of my own venti fics and i wow i cant believe that the very third fic i posted on this site (back in december 2020) was a platonic venti drabble... i had no idea myself 😭 im not going to read it cuz god forbid its accidentally ooc, even tho i tried very hard to keep it in character

honestly venti is SO easy mischaracterize... like AGH hes not a funny drunkard who doesnt care much about mondo!! hes waaaaay more than that and i actually saw people seriously saying he doesnt care about mondstadt and that hes a bad archon... like im sorry but if you rly think like this after seeing all the events....... or even the archon quest.... oh gods 🌻

hi dear i'm so sorry for my late response time!!!

don't worry haha i get it <3 i, too, have my fair share of old venti fics that i am hesitant and unsure about! i am definitely a better venti writer now than i was in the past. i think it takes practice because, truth be told, venti is enigmatic and is not an easy character to write.

it's unfortunately very common for me to see people treating venti that way, and it bothers me a lot for very personal, trauma dump-y kind of reasons, so that's all i'll say about it.

but my point is that alcoholism isn't funny. venti is an alcoholic. he is not well. he's fucked up because of all the shit he's been through and all the things he's had to do in celestia's name (taking part in the destruction of khaenri'ah). like? it's not fucking funny so why are we acting like it is?

i'm not "taking things too seriously."

i'm pointing out the blatant truth that mental illness is not funny, as a mentally ill person myself. it's not funny. it's not something to laugh at. it's not.

if you have alcohol-related trauma and that's how you cope: cool. i'm not talking about you. i do that too sometimes. i'm talking about the people who genuinely just think it's funny. "he's a god" okay? it's still alcoholism?

also literally????? bro cares about his nation so much???? anyone who says otherwise genuinely must not have read the lore.

i will defend venti with my life!!!!!! venti defender aphelion real and true 💪💪💪💪

#aphelion replies: 🌻 anon 🌸#genshin impact #venti #venti genshin impact

5 notes · View notes

mossrotts · 1 year

Text

tw for mass shooting, suicide ment, depression and anxiety, self harm, irl body horror ment?, heavy stuff in general

(i am okay, i will be okay, i have good support in my life; but i know that writing out stuff and like, getting it out tends to help so this just kind of talking about some negative stuff that's been happening--some more intense than others)

at the start of january, there was a mass shooting in the town i live. the town i live has a population of 7000 people.

the way i found out about it was this: i went into work and was assigned the route that i'm always assigned on sunday and a coworker came up to me and was like haha, wow, how do you feel about having the murder route? obviously confused i asked what and he said there were some murders on my route. he said it with a weird glee so i wasn't sure if he was making a weird boomer joke i didn't get or if i was just. not reading the social cues right or what.

worried about it, once i loaded up with packages i looked it up and found that there was, on my route on a street with a total of eight houses, a mass shooting. eight people dead; the oldest 74 and the youngest 4. a man killed his entire family before taking his own life. i don't interact with many people directly while delivering mail and so it was with some surprise that i realized i knew them--i interacted with the seven year old son on a weekly basis.

looking up the news that soon afer was. rough. the way it was portrayed immediately was the same way i've always seen it portrayed in Utah--an issue that is prevalent throughout the US, particularly with white male aggressors, but especially in Utah--the picture used showed the man in a happy, peaceful family portrait with all his victims. the article talked about how there was no indication how this would happen, that the wife had begun divorce proceedings two weeks prior to her murder but never indicated any violence. the article mainly focused on what an upstanding member of the (mormon) Church the man was and what a loving father he'd been.

i had no clue the full scope of things and didn't know how the event had happened, but it still felt disrespectful for how much the articles focused on him and integrated him so much with the family he had killed.

and, of course, there was a plea in the article to 'not make this tragedy about politics', and not talk about gun control because they'd had multiple firearms and the wife had asked the husband to remove them (which he said he did, despite keeping one for himself privately) and if she hadn't have done that then "the victims would have been able to protect themselves".

i'll remind you that the youngest victim was his four year old son.

after this, soon all around my town were little yard signs that said '#enoch strong' or 'we <3 enoch!' and that was. that was the only difference. the crime tape was up that one day while i delivered, then gone the next. it was like it never happened.

i've seen that before--though through different tragedies. my best friend killed himself. i loved him--i thought i was going to marry him because even though i didn't feel attraction for him, the way the mormon church is i knew that i would have to get married to a nice mormon boy someday and i would rather it be with him than anyone else. that's a different can of worms though. he killed himself; he set his car on fire, sat in it, and used a firearm to end his life.

my friend suffered from BPD without support and with the direct pressure of his abusive father and mormon Church societal expectation. no article surrounding his death, no memorial, no nothing mentioned the idea that either there should be more support for mental illnesses--and gun control was never even mentioned.

his father, a bishop in the mormon church at the time, headed my friend's memorial. he talked about how much he loved his son, but that he knew his son was at peace now. he talked about how if we turned to jesus we could make it through any trial we were given, even one as harsh as losing a son.

pj hated his dad. i wonder how many people knew that.

and that was it. it was like he just disappeared after that. swept under the rug. no one talked about him, there was no change, nothing to fill his void. there was no burial, no place for closure, and nothing to suggest anyone would try to make sure this didn't happen to other kids after him. i tracked down his mom about four years after his death and was able to find out where she spread his ashes. she picked a good place and i visit it yearly now.

two years before i was born, there was a murder in the college town next to my current town. almost a decade before matthew shepherd, gordon church was brutally sexually assaulted and murdered and his murderers both used the gay panic defense (though, due to the brutality, was in this case ineffective and they were sentenced to prison). a gag order was placed on many parts of the case--further silence pressured by the mormon church--due to gordon church being mormon and his sexuality. the crime was so silenced that many people don't know it happened. years ago i had a coworker, whom i liked and was generally progressive for utah, who didn't understand why the gays were fighting for the right to get married and why they acted like they were still being oppressed--crimes like that didn't happen anymore, and they clearly had never happened here.

it felt like it was happening again. another crime that utah and the church would just hide it again. sweep it under the rug. just don't talk about it. #enoch strong and we <3 enoch is all we need.

i cannot imagine how much the family and loved ones of the victims felt and hurt, how much they still do. as far as i know they've not requested any help and so i'm not going to be posting any gofundmes or anything here, but god if you're able to advocate for gun control and safety or see programs providing support for those with mental illness; please help there. we need it more than ever. and god i know i was not and am not as personally effected as so many involved in this, but i don't know if i can describe the just. idk, heaviness of the thought that it's happening again. that this would be the only thing i'd hear of it and this entire family would be gone like they never existed.

but perhaps something good--i say that with the largest grain of salt--is that people with far more reach than me cared and they felt the treatment of the victims was wrong and they have worked to get more information out. and that comes with two sides. one is that this isn't being swept under the rug, which will hopefully give both the victims the attention they deserve and help to prevent something like this from happening again. the other side is how horrific and depressing some of that information is.

people pushed for the obituary praising what a good member of the Church and upstanding father the killer was to be removed. they did not, as far as i know, try to degrade him or anything. just wanted it removed. and it was. at the funeral the victims were buried together while the killer had a closed ceremony elsewhere.

more information about the situation got out. acab as usual--but apparently neighbors had to all but beg cops to go do a wellness check on the family after thinking something was very off. i can confirm that a cop lives less than a block away.

one of the daughters, 17 years old, apparently claimed her dad was being abusive and that she was "afraid [her] dad would kill [her]". her dad was apparently quoted saying jokingly afterwards "oh, she's so mouthy". we don't have any thoughts from the mother, but i think it's important to know that divorce is pretty fucking rare in mormon communities. and i hate knowing that--i hate knowing that one of the daughters spoke up enough that we have it RECORDED that she was scared--that she was brave enough to say something and she was fucking right and no one listened to her and now she and her five younger siblings are dead. it's not fucking fair.

i don't know where i was going with that, but it fucking sucks and i hate this.

i've also been having financial issues; i wont get into it too much but essentially my meds have jumped up to $200 every time i get them, and for whatever reason the pharmacy accidentally double charged me when i picked them up--which i barely had the $200 and i did NOT have the $400. went into the negative and my bank immediately started charging overdraft fees. i had to call the bank and get it sorted out but god it was awful. also even though i'm not going into depth please look at this hilarious conversation i had with walgreens pharmacy

00:00:26 system : BOT : [...] how can I help you? USER : I recently purchased my prescriptions and in addition to the expected charge I have a duplicate amount pending in my bank account. Why is the system trying to double charge my account? BOT : I haven't learned about that yet. I’ll get someone to help you [...] 00:00:28 Therisa : Hi! My name is Therisa H. How can I help you? 00:01:58 Therisa : The pending charge will fall off for you 00:02:03 USER : Hi, I recently picked up my prescriptions from Walgreens. In addition to being charged the expected amount in person, I have an additional charge (the same amount) pending in my bank account. Are you able to check why I'm being double charged? 00:02:34 USER : I've been charged an overdraft due to the second charge; will this money be returned? 00:02:36 Therisa : The pending charge will fall off for you 00:02:51 USER : Do you know when? 00:03:08 USER : Or how to prevent it from doing a pending charge in the future? 00:03:12 Therisa : 3-7 business days 00:03:51 USER : Thank you. And do you know how to prevent it from doing a pending charge in the future? 00:05:49 Therisa : there isnt a way 00:06:19 USER : alright, thanks.

what a good time. the amount i make per hour at the post office is good, but for some reason they're not calling me in for more than one day a week and i just. haven't been able to keep up financially so i have to start looking for a new job.

and god, if you've heard at all about my personal life you probably have heard about the uh. idk, not great ways my jobs have ended. last job, where i felt like i was doing some good for awhile, i had to report for neglect to adult protective services and when the company refused to change the situation of abuse i had to decide whether or not i wanted to stay on the chance that i was helping people but being a part of a corrupt system or leave. the one before that (honestly the more normal of these) was shit and i quit after a manager attempted to reprimand and punish a coworker and i for talking in private about some of the negative aspects of the job. and the job before that i quit after finding out that a manager was using me to lure in girl coworkers for him to sexually groom/live with. after i and my friend (who lived with him after he'd set himself up to be just a chill place she could rent from for a bit, and who escaped him thank god) gave all our evidence over i left. he was arrested and lost his job, thank god, but i couldn't stay there.

anyway, i have some anxiety when it comes to starting a new job. it gets pretty bad when job hunting and gets real real bad like the first few days before i actually start working. but i haven't had enough money at my current job, working just one day a week, so i need to find a part time job. just started looking this week and i was nervous as my roommate was helping me look and i just kinda started picking at my nail polish. having nail polish is kinda nice because otherwise i start picking at my skin. and i wasn't paying much attention and i was just peeling/picking it off of my toe nails when i looked down and realized i had peeled an entire toe nail off. (well, almost, it was just barely connected at the end) and idk, it was bad. i have a history of self harm and i've... accidentally gone too far with it in the past without meaning to and it felt like that, even though i really wasn't trying to self harm at ALL in this situation. and also i didn't fucking know that was a thing a person could do? just pull off a nail?

anyway i'm okay and my roommate helped me wrap it up and we'll see if it like reattaches or what to do from here (it's still wrapped up rn, hasn't gotten worse if nothing else) but like.

idk where i was going with that either. capitalism sucks so much that i pulled my goddamn toenail off? wild???

or maybe just. like, all of writing this is just parts of realizing that i haven't been in an emotional/not good mood lately for no reason--it's been a lot of stuff that i was handling on its own but has been building up and i'm kinda in a rough place. and i'll be ok. but man it sucks right now.

#personal #delete later #don't need to read this if you dont want/dont have spoons!#and don't need to worry!!!#i know the tw are really worrying #but i am here and i will be ok #just wanted to make sure that if anyone does read that they're not going in blind yknow

11 notes · View notes

juriyuna · 2 years

Note

how about miyu, for the ask game now?

baby girl. baby.

Why I like them: I first started liking her when she got introduced because her skittish personality and her thing with San caught my interest. Then DB came out and gave her a proper design and she's SO!! CUTE!!!!! she reminds me of a little baby pangolin i love her so much... her live2D animations are perfect ;_; And it's kinda funny to me that someone as small and timid as her is sort of a jock, haha. Usually fitness buffs are tough/boyish characters.

When she was released as playable, her MSS bumped her up from "I like her a lot" to becoming one of my favorite characters in the game. I wasn't quite expecting to get such a real depiction of what it's like to have an anxiety disorder, but. Man. F4 knocked it outta the park. idk if the writer was drawing on personal experience, but they did a great job here either way.

Her tendency to talk nonstop and jump from topic to topic, sometimes to the point of forgetting to give others a chance to speak (or not realizing that the topic is inappropriate until it's too late and she's horribly embarrassed), is unfortunately relatable as well lol..... _(:3 」∠)_

I've said this before, but I wanna restate that I love the fact that Miyuri is explicitly gay and nobody ever comments on it. She sometimes worries that her thing™️ for legs is weird/gross, but that's because she knows most people aren't as into it as she is, not because she's only interested in girls. + she's got a preference for muscles so bonus points for having taste

overall a good girl; I wanna give her a weighted blanket and a pat on the head

Why I don't: look i'm glad her magical girl outfit has a helmet because safety first and all but why is it so big. it reminds me of toad from mario.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Definitely her MSS! It has a nice mix of cute/funny and serious moments, and moves between them without being jarring. It does a really good job of exploring her character. I don't think it's up on the English patch yet, but it's one of my favorite MSSes in the game.

To talk about a specific scene, I really liked the flashback to when she made her contract. She worked hard to be able to make it into an inline skating tournament, but between general anxiety/stage fright and the fact that the venue is full of hot girls with fit, toned legs (ah, the "excitement → adrenaline → anxiety" pipeline), she's on the verge of completely breaking down.

Trying to distract herself isn't working. All she can think about is how pathetic she feels for getting scared like this. She wants to run away, but she can't. Kyubey, of course, chooses this opportunity to come peddle his contracts. Upon seeing a "talking white tanuki", Miyuri is now even more freaked out, and thinks she's gotten so scared that she's hallucinating. Kyubey denies this, so Miyuri then assumes that this has to be some kind of mean-spirited hidden camera prank or a scam. (SO close to recognizing Kyubey for what he is and not making a contract. So close. God...)

He starts prying her for her problems, asking if what she wants is to win the competition. She says she does- then clarifies that she actually doesn't even care if she wins; she just wants to be able to have fun like everyone else.

Miyuri: "I don't have anxiety because I LIKE it! And I didn't CHOOSE to end up with a leg fetish! I'm not different from everyone else because I WANT to be!"

Miyuri: "Why- why can't I just be normal…? Even though San-sama did her best to help me… There's no way I could ever face her again like this!"

(which... argh. yeah. "why can't i just be normal" is a mood and a half. mourning the loss of who you could have been if your brain functioned like a Normal Person's is soul-crushing. feeling like you're letting your loved ones down because of a mental illness you have no control over is awful too.)

Kyubey, of course, says he can help. Miyuri takes him up on the offer, asking him "Please make every second of every minute of my panic attacks go by faster!"

After Miyuri finishes relaying this story to the rest of NM, Shigure asks her why she didn't just wish to get rid of her anxiety or her leg fetish. Miyuri answers that when Kyubey approached her, she was seconds away from passing out; she was not at all in her right mind to weigh her options here.

That... blows so much. Miyuri even realized herself shortly after contracting that she could've made a more practical wish. Her anxiety is just as bad as it was before, and her leg fetish too is still just as much of a source of stress as always. But at the time, she was so caught up in how scared she was that she just wanted that hell to be over with.

What makes it hurt even more is that she was originally excited about the powers she got with her contract. Knowing that if she gets too scared, she'll black out and basically go on autopilot until the task is done, gave her a little confidence. No matter how rough a situation is, if she can't do it herself, her magic will carry her through. She doesn't need to push herself as hard to be brave anymore.

Then she discovered that she goes into a blind frenzy when she fights witches, tearing apart everything in her path-- which is very effective for killing the enemy, but puts her allies' lives in danger as well. Poor thing is so afraid of witches that she can't even stay conscious, but she can't fight alongside other people because she's (understandably) horrified to think that she could mangle them and have no idea until she comes to afterwards.

Man. Miyu got totally boned here. :(

Favorite season/movie: well, uh, arc 2

Favorite line: "... Why can't I do the same things as normal people?" in ep.2 of her MSS probably hit the hardest for me, emotionally. But I just talked about a similar line for "favorite scene", so I'm gonna pick her homescreen Tap 4 quote:

"Ehehe… ♪ The way San-sama looked here was soooo amazing…! …*gasp*! D-did you… see my photo folder…? P-please don’t tell anyone! For goodness’ sake, don’t…!"

It's not anything special, but it makes me smile. :') Her little laugh at the start sounds so-- "lovestruck" is probably a good word for it. It's so cute!! It's sort of funny that she's embarrassed about it given how shameless she can be, haha. I suppose there's a difference between deliberately showing a certain side of yourself vs. other people seeing it by accident, though. (still, it's not like any of her friends would be surprised that she has a bunch of pictures of san saved lol)

Favorite outfit: I like both her school uniform and magical girl outfit, but her school uniform is the one I usually use on my homescreen! Her oversized sweater is adorable.

OTP: Sanmiyu!!! Right up there in my top 5 magireco ships, honestly; it feels so My Brand™️ that it's almost embarrassing lol... I've got a fondness for this type of master-servant type ship to begin with, so I was like 👀 from the start. saw the line "when she loses consciousness, she becomes my doll" and knew i was doomed

MAN I don't even know where to begin they're just... perfect together. Miyuri is completely smitten with San-- beyond the obvious fawning over how hot San is, she's got some really cute lines like "I've loved you from the very first time I laid eyes on you...!" and "I'm falling for you all over again!" ;_; She admires San so much, and works hard to make her proud. While she's happy to work under San as her "secret weapon", she says that one day, she hopes to be strong/brave enough to fight beside her instead.

Speaking of the "secret weapon" thing, I was expecting that to be magic-related, but nope-- Miyuri is just so in love that San's voice is the only thing that gets through to her when she's in her blacked-out state. She trusts San enough to act as her guiding light when everything goes dark. Oh....... (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

I appreciate that Miyuri has seen San anxious, flustered, upset, or otherwise "uncool", and still thinks she's the best. It's not like she's only ever seen San's tough, capable side and totally idealized her from that. Honestly, I kinda feel like knowing that San isn't perfect might be part of what makes her perfect in Miyuri's eyes? I've posted about it before, but basically, like... San used to be pretty similar to Miyuri as a kid; she just pushed herself hard to outgrow it (which. has created other issues, but i digress). And even though she still gets worried/scared sometimes now, she does her best to push through in spite of it all. That's probably pretty admirable to Miyuri, who has such a hard time with her own anxiety.

On that note, it's not a one-sided fondness like one might expect, which is really nice to see. While San is- for a few reasons- generally not outwardly affectionate with people, it's clear that she cares a lot about her. In Miyuri's event, when she hadn't shown up at NM's base in a while, San was so worried that she kept making mistakes in everyday activities that she's normally very good at. (She tried to play it cool, but Himena was like "okay no you're def totally stressed about this. go look for miyurin")

Then the scene in Miyu's MSS where San sees Miyuri dancing alone in the moonlight, blushes(!!), and says "... She's beautiful." to herself out loud...... oh :'^)

It's sweet to me that San's subsequent moment of "I want to help her succeed" is what made her decide to become the instructor for the Feathers, too. They both inspire each other. ;;

They're also both supportive of each other in their own ways, which is cute. San helps settle Miyuri down when she starts to panic (counting with her to take deep breaths, etc.), tries to reel her in when she gets too excited, and wants to see her grow and improve-- not just as a magical girl, but as a person. On Miyuri's end, she's happy to help San with anything she needs, whether that's Community Center volunteer work, festival prep/fundraising, digging for info at the library, training NM Feathers, various magical girl duties, or simply being there when San feels hurt or worried. She might not always be able to help, but she can at least listen.

... of course, it's not 100% wholesome (i'd say "thanks miyu" but tbh san isn't totally exempt here either), but. y'know. they've got a range. (also lmao @ how san is like "if it helps you distract yourself you're welcome to think about how hot my legs are instead")

(important side note: san is the tallest person in NM, and miyuri seems to be the shortest alongside shigure. cute...)

Brotp: I didn't see Rui+Miyuri coming, but it's good! They talk via text chat a lot, and they're both into the same "Bible of the End" series that Rui's a huge fan of. Their hobbies don't have a complete overlap, but they'll let the other ramble on about her interests because they understand what it's like to get excited over a niche subject.

They also both have awful social anxiety and keep tripping over themselves trying to talk over voice chat (or in person), but at least that means they're both like "no it's okay i get it" when the other apologizes for freezing up. Thanks. :')

There's a scene in Miyuri's event where she gives Rui a very alarming phone call, talking about how she's gonna get rid of her stuff and saying things like "this is probably the last time we're gonna talk" and "thank you for everything" before hanging up.

Rui is (understandably) extremely worried. She figures Miyuri wouldn't reply if she tried calling or texting her asking to meet up. Frantically trying to come up with ideas, she opens up their chat log and scrolls back to find a photo Miyuri sent her of a flower a while ago-- she recognizes the background as the hospital in Hokuyou ward, where Miyuri comes to visit a friend. Even though Rui feels kinda like a stalker for doing this, she books it off to Hokuyou on the slim chance that Miyuri might be there.

(Miyuri is there! She's fine, thankfully; just still feeling self-conscious and guilty from An Incident earlier. But Rui helps her sort things out.)

10/10; I love seeing these skittish nerds support each other.

Headcanon: Her personal magic means she has a number of gaps in her memory, so she keeps a notebook to remind her of things she's done while unconscious. (If she... remembers to update the notebook, anyway.)

Unpopular opinion: idk how unpopular this is, but the leg fetish thing is... honestly not nearly as bad as some people make it out to be? It's not handled in a creepy/gross way, and Miyuri's not a "pervert comic relief" character, either. I feel like people saw the word "fetish", assumed the worst, and then never actually, like, read her MSS or anything. F4 managed to work this in as a serious part of her character that doesn't feel weird or out of place.

(and it's not like teenagers can't be Like That anyway. puberty is a hell of a drug.)

A wish: I want....... sanmiyu dual unit. It makes sense from a story standpoint, since Miyuri almost never fights without San by her side, so it feels like a decent possibility? The Dream™️ is a cool Hikarizuka Fire Festival alt, but I'd be down with whatever.

An oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen: While I can appreciate the merits of the angst it would bring, I hope that if the story has to kill San and/or Miyuri, it takes out both of them instead of just one. Shipping aside, they're a package deal to me, like KMR or shiguhagu-- I don't wanna see them permanently separated. ;_;

5 words to best describe them: Timid, loyal, subservient, energetic, horny

My nickname for them: "Miyu", same as her in-series nickname. :')

#sorry that this is so late!!#i swear i'll get around to the others in my inbox soon OTL #magia record #yukari miyuri #asks #hc post #long post

18 notes · View notes

normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke · 1 year

Text

I posted 3,660 times in 2022

899 posts created (25%)

2,761 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke

@daughter-of-sapph0

@fandomfan315

@somethingusefulfromflorida

@genderfluid-and-confuzled

I tagged 1,650 of my posts in 2022

#ableism tw - 239 posts

#unreality tw - 36 posts

#religion tw - 32 posts

#christianity tw - 30 posts

#death tw - 26 posts

#do not reblog - 24 posts

#cfs - 22 posts

#abuse tw - 21 posts

#cripplepunk - 20 posts

#actually disabled - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#i'm on an antiviral‚ an antidepressant‚ a prescription nsaid‚ two allergy medicines‚ two vitamins‚ and a sedative-hypnotic sleep pill

My Top Posts in 2022:

I wrote this article about my experiences with religion as a disabled person. I get a small commission (less than a cent) from each read but it adds up pretty quickly. Reblogging, reading, and sharing this article will directly put money in a disabled person's pocket without taking any out of yours!

683 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

[Image ID: the handshake meme. One hand is labeled "cripplepunk" and the other is labeled "trendercore". Where they meet in the middle, the text reads "recognizing that pleasing the oppressor is not as important as the safety and happiness of the oppressed".]

Was trying to figure out why I vibed so much with trendercore as a cis disabled person and I figured it out

alternatively

See the full post

689 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

while I was doing research on autism I found out that while social impairments exist from birth, they might not "fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities". The first time I had to interact with people daily was in high school and that's when all my social issues started. I've been doubting if I actually am autistic but like, there it is, the actual CDC having a counterpoint for the exact reason the autism clinic wouldn't diagnose me.

1,742 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

I love you physically disabled people. I love you spoonies. I love you cripples. Iove you zebras. I love you wheelchair users. I love you cane users. I love you crutch users. I love you people with prosthetics. I love you service dog teams. I love you other mobility aid users. I love you chronically ill people. I love you terminally ill people. I love you people with skin differences. I love you people with limb differences. I love you people with facial differences. I love you people with autoimmune conditions. I love you people with gastrointestinal conditions. I love you people with heart conditions. I love you people with chronic pain. I love you people with chronic fatigue. I love you people who faint. I love you people who have seizures. I love you people with mental health problems on top of or because of your physical disability. I love you people with disabilities I don't know about or didn't mention.

7,328 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Filming people without their consent is a massive issue of not only privacy but ableism that's been going on for many years.

It started out with filming more visibly disabled people, like high support needs autistic people having meltdowns in public and (especially fat) disabled people literally just using mobility aids, but once that was deemed less acceptable it moved to other things. Filming people acting "weird" in public. Eating weird foods. Falling asleep in weird places. Wearing weird things. Stimming. You get the idea. It's no longer safe to be visibly weird in public and that's an issue for a lot of disabled people. I recently had to lay down on the floor of a department store because I had an ME crash while out shopping. Not only did I have to worry about the normal things like people coming up to ask me if I'm ok, I also had to worry about some video of me at my lowest point, when I'm suffering immensely, being shared around as "haha look at this weird bitch on the floor". It's upsetting. It's scary.

And then there's fakeclaiming. A fun trend where people will film us in public to "prove" there's some kind of huge epidemic of people faking disability. Spoiler alert: there is not. Most of the time the people they film are real disabled people who don't fit into the expected mold for disability, usually service dog teams or people who use mobility aids who don't "look sick". And you would think this trend would be some kind of abled nonsense, but it's not. It's often other disabled people doing the fakeclaiming. Yes, there are some times when it's obvious a service dog isn't trained properly, but other than that, it's damn near impossible to tell if someone is faking a disability, and you're much more likely to target a disabled person than a faker. I'd love to say this trend was new, but it's been going on since the days of "the people of walmart" where many of the people posted were fat mobility aid users, always with the assumption that they used it because they were too fat or lazy to move on their own. In fact, the image of a fat person in a mobility cart has become almost synonymous with "lazy". It's one of the things that drove me to get my own expensive power wheelchair, to avoid the judgmental stares in the grocery store when I was just trying to exist, to avoid the fear of public shame. Even now when I stand up from my chair to walk to the bathroom stall or reach something on a high shelf, I watch the corners of my vision for that telltale phone in the air. I feel like I'm never safe from the judgemental eye of the internet, even when I'm logged off, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels that way.

Tik Tok, YouTube, Instagram, these places are all great for disabled people, especially those of us without access to the outside world. But it's also become a source of great anxiety for anyone who's uncontrollably "weird", mostly disabled people. Leave us alone, I'm begging you, we just want to go to the fucking grocery store in peace and safety.

Tl;dr

Stop filming people for "acting weird" or "faking a disability" in public. It's ableist, it's invasive, it's creepy, and it's humiliating. People don't exist in public for your amusement and especially not disabled people. You don't know who is disabled and who isn't no matter how many disabled people you've known or how sure you are that the person is faking.

27,223 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

2 notes · View notes

elytrafemme · 2 years

Note

mare mare MARE!!! the gay chapter did not disappoint my friend!!!!! i. man. i have read quite a few arospec realization scenes in my time but genuinely i have never read one that felt so REAL!!!! and i get it's probably bc you went thru similar realizations but still. ough

i wanna point out that line about everything making some sense for my love my boy my wonder csranboo. like..... augh!! here's a kid who's dealt with so much confusion and missing pieces and a brain he can't quite rely on, and he's finally learning things about himself that make sense. holy FUCK that messed me up.

i also had a playlist consisting of mostly joe hisashi on while i read this. so that really upped the experience

all in all 10/10 gay chapter. went above and beyond the hype <3

alek alek ALEK!!! HI!!!! i'm SO so glad u liked the chapter :D

writing the arospec realization scene was actually harder than I thought considering that i did have my own arospec realization, but for me my realization and reaction was REALLY different (i had a full blown mental breakdown after mine HAHA) just because of different life contexts-- it made more sense to me to give cs!ranboo one that reflects that he's noticed his lack of attraction at least in some capacity but also has limited experience and knowledge to guide it, even though i was uh pretty much the exact opposite in every way

which is why i'm so glad that people liked that scene because it's always a little nerve-wracking writing something that you don't know the feeling of personally? like i have to do that a lot with CS obviously but most of the time i can extrapolate enough to get where the feelings are coming from, but with that i was just trying to tie together everything i'd shown about him in the fic so far and hey, i guess it worked!

YESSSS it's really nice that like. what am i trying to say here. i really hope that people see that the way you did with like, no matter what happens or what shit he experiences, ranboo still was able to figure out a lot of himself, and that's like. undeniably one of the best things to happen to him. despite the melancholy and all the bullshit that was a really good day for him because two things he struggled with made sense, and not only did they make sense, but he was validated as being okay to experience them. its rly important to his character imo and im glad it hit hard for people

YOOOO never heard of that artist but ill check em out :D

ohhhh im so so glad that means so much to me <33 srry for the rambles and stuff but like! im just. really happy that u liked it more than my hype implied bc i was so worried that i overhyped it but seeing the reactions has made my entire year already

#nightmare.ask #cough syrup spoilers #nightmare.cough-syrup #wooper tag :]#nightmare.fave

2 notes · View notes

zeawesomebirdie · 2 years

Note

Hey hey Tomas guess what, I think today, or yesterday or tomorrow, I don't know I don't have access to a computer to check, anyway, I think today might be our mutual-versary! Happy one year of knowing you <3 I don't even remember how I followed you originally but you're a Beloved Mutual now!

(the Obikin rec list is coming, I just prefer to do it on my computer but I don't have it with me right now! Also, I remember you mentioning you read With Eyes Wide Open, even though I couldn't find the post because Tumblr is a functional website, but aaaah With Eyes Wide Open my beloved ?? I read it all in one sitting when I should have been asleep because I couldn't put it down it was hhhhhhh. Yeah. So I'm glad you found the good stuff haha)

Omg happy mutual-versary!! It's been an absolute pleasure!!!!

Please dont worry about rushing on the rec list! Take your time!

And With Eyes Wide Open my beloved omg that fic is so good I love it so so much its so 🤌🤌 I reread it just the other day because I was having a rough time mentally and it really really cheered me up! (Between that fic and love is touching souls I swear ill never have a bad day again lmao)

(Oh I should ask for your snarry recs sometime too 👀 I've read a bunch, but like I said in that other ask all my recs are from @/houseofsnarry and I'd love to branch out 👀👀 but again no rush no rush!!)

#i love you!!#anon ☂️#happy mutual-versary and enjoy your holidays!

1 note · View note

berryunho · 2 years

Note

LOL sorry omg i really died. like am still dying. i spent all day yesterday crying over my coursework and shit but i talked to that guy and he really knocked some sense into me and told me to not be so hard on myself... so now im crying internally and not externally 😭

ive been thinking about it now and i think i might switch majors for the sake of my sanity bc real talk the amount of work is insane and i cant properly function it's crazy out here idk how people do this... i was thinking maybe health sci since i already have most of the credits for the degree and ive always wanted to be involved in the healthcare field... im gonna see my academic advisor on monday and see what they say because holy guacamole i want to be able to enjoy school w/o crying every time i think about it

omg that got long but those have been my thoughts for the past few days BUT ANYWAY that's so good!!!! im so happy for you big brain energy we love to see it!! ive got a biochem midterm this week (which is the cause of my mental breakdowns BUT KLSJFRG) and ochem is in 2 weeks but as i said might change majors and ochem is not necessary... so i'll prob drop it haha

the last season was so good. i found it a bit slow in the beginning but once it picks up it's going like i could not stop watching it!! i havent watched bcs but i heard it gets better near the end again?? ive watched el camino tho

that's how i felt abt crocheting at first like im the type of person to try something for a little bit and then give up right after but honestly!!! it's so fun because you can make all kinds of different things like clothing, bags, accessories and it's so fun!! i've been picking up knitting too and i've made some socks and i'm working on a sweater rn

WOIEFJWE that man is so wonderful like i feel like he really understands me and !!!!!!!!!!! i feel like he really balances out the "negative" parts/thoughts of me and is so reassuring IM WHIPPED LOL

omg yes i had a bad cold too like a week ago (no covid as well) and i think i might be good now knock on wood!! what a slay im glad your classes are going so well for you! i dont follow hockey (gasp) but i can see the thrill of it!! hopefully they can win the next game!

highly enjoyed the break. have a great weekend too!! <3

-mightychondria

no no no worries lol i totally get being busy and everything <33

but omg :[[ im sorry that school has been so overwhelming and stressful for you aaaaa yeah if its at the point where you're upset everyday and completely overwhelmed and don't like school then i definitely agree w changing your major.... you don't want the rest of your life to be like this lol health science would be interesting for sure !! there are so many ways to be involved in health care and the health system without being a doctor/nurse/etc so im sure you'll be able to find something that works !!

?!*%*$???($*@)? you're taking ochem AND biochem at the same time ?!!?($*@)@ i understand the breakdowns wtf id lose it fr but lol fingers crossed changing your major works out so that you don't have to take that ochem exam

fr i definitely understand why breaking bad is considered like one of the best shows of all time ... the writing was so good and the story was so compelling and even when it got to the point where you were like 'wtf thats sick and messed up' you couldnt stop watching bc you were in so deep lol but !! ive yet to watch el camino ... hmmm

oooo man thats so cool !! you're so right like i always see crochet tutorials on tiktok for like the most random things ever and you can make like. anything. its amazing. hehe maybe ill try it out once i have more free time :]

YAAAYYY FOR THE MAN!! im glad that he's good for you :] its very nice that he's sticking w you through all of your stress and helping you out!! hehe have yall gone on any fun dates or are you just ~talking~ ?

tis the time of year for colds lol this one i think is just about done ... my cough is significantly better today but i can't decide if its actually better or if its just bc i havent been talking today .... lol ig ill see tomorrow! KFLJDSKFJ [gasp] a canadian that doesn't follow hockey ... an incredible find ... hehehe im joking but yes fr hockey is so crazy compared to other sports like even though its kinda like soccer its still so different and sooooo entertaining to me lol ty for the support for my team they definitely need it [muffled through fake coughing] they're bad [more fake coughing]

yay! i hope this week of classes goes better! tyyyy <3 <3 <3

#mightychondria anon #answered

1 note · View note

domesticangel · 4 years

Text

genuinely cannot tell what is wrong with my stomach bc the doctors are like m’am your blood is so clean we could drink it and the pictures we took of your insides deserve to be hung up in the louvre , HOWEVER your mental state is that of a horse that lives beside a firework factory and whose blood has been replaced entirely by stackers dissolved in pure caffeine so you either have ibs or more cortisol in your stomach than you do any other bodily fluid combined . maybe just stop drinking milk and also good luck

#this is not a dig at the doctors ive seen they've genuinely been very attentive and have run lots of tests #BUT ALL THE TESTS COME BACK INFURIATINGLY NORMAL?#so this is more a dig at. i guess the absurdity of the vast and many ways mental problems can affect you physically #bc at this point thats the only remaining factor.#like on one hand I'm like yes i very much believe in the studies done on the very real physical toll of mental illness on the body #but when it comes to ME SPECIFICALLY I'm like #haha i mean ive only been on the verge of breakdown for the past 10 months theres no way something so minor would have an effect :3 #i saw my gram today and she asked me why id lost so much weight :^(#UUURRGH I JUST!!!! HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO EAT???#not bc of pain not bc of vomiting not bc of anything i just?#i worry myself sick and then i come to associate food w worrying so then i don't eat and???#:^(#txt #ask 2 tag i reckon ik i talk about some weird stuff here i just gotta. vent

15 notes · View notes

well-in-all-honesty-i · 3 years

Text

TW: Suicide

OKAY SO- I wanted to talk about Mafuyu and Yuki’s relationship and why it ended the way it did. I should preface this by saying that the majority of this, although somewhat supported by canon, is my own personal headcanon and speculation. I’ve been surrounded by a lot of people who I believe Yuki to be similar to, but I am not 100% accurate or well versed and this is mostly just from what I’ve gotten from those situations. Also, a lot of questionable grammar-I type like I speak, which doesn't translate well haha.

So I want to chunk this into 3 big pieces because I enjoy organizing things: Yuki’s childhood, how that affected his personality as a young adult, and how both of these lead to his eventual death.

Starting off with his childhood:

This one is heavy speculation (as most of this is-but this bit is particularly so) since there isn’t much canon to support this-or provide a lot of insight. But, what little we do know is that 1) Yuki’s father wasn’t present in his life-probably even before Mafuyu’s father had been jailed-and that, 2) Yuki and his father shared the same bull-headedness (?) and pride that Saeko believes led to his death.

I personally believe that Yuki’s father was someone who might have struggled with some sort of mental illness, as well as has had a problem with alcohol abuse. I also imagine that he probably disappeared or passed-either due to some sort of alcohol-related problem or suicide.

Saeko, from how she is characterized in the story, seems to be a very strong-willed and assertive person. In the aftermath of Yuki’s death, she's relatively composed and seems to have almost expected this to happen, although maybe not in the specific way it did. [Ex: When she tells Mafuyu that Yuki was always the type of person to die in a chicken race (a competition of pride, of sorts, that usually ends badly) and when she mentions him being similar to his father in that sense.]

In the flashbacks in the anime, when Mafuyu tells Yuki that his father beats him when he talks, Yuki’s response of ‘You know, a real father doesn’t do that.’ doesn’t sound like something a small child’s first response would be. It’s a bit of a reach-but considering that, as well as how prompt the response from his mother seemed to be (when Mafuyu’s father was jailed-not much time seems to have passed, and since both of their mothers are present, I've always assumed that Yuki's mother found out through her son and acted accordingly.),- it would make sense that Yuki might have some prior experience with this. Especially if his mother had gone through something similar-she probably would’ve warned him very strongly against the ideal his father had set, making Yuki want to be very far from that.

Speaking of which-I assume that Yuki probably had a very rough-if short-lived-relationship with his father when he was around. Given the stuff above, his father was probably someone who was emotionally volatile and tended to lose control when upset. If he had an alcohol problem, he might’ve caused a financial strain that fell onto Saeko as well.

Since his father was out of the picture and Saeko herself wasn't around as much as Yuki might've needed, it would have made him both very independent from his parents and adults in general, while also heavily reliant on Mafuyu (Hiiragi quotes both Mafuyu and Yuki to have been latchkey kids who found comfort in each other), both of which twist into the situation he found himself in later in life.

Leading into his teen years:

Yuki, as a young adult, is very independent-he works multiple jobs to pay for the expenses of being in a band, makes a point to avoid drinking, and is very affectionate towards Mafuyu. I'm not too sure about the reasoning behind why the four friends chose the high schools they did, but if Yuki's mother didn't directly influence that decision it's likely it was a choice made in direct relation to their band.

There's also very little interference from any adults in Yuki's life-namely, his mother. As someone who was probably very busy working as a single mother to support the two of them, her mentality was just to support him monetarily and let Mafuyu provide the emotional support in her place.

I think she also assumed her attempts wouldn't have been well received-most people noted how close Yuki and Mafuyu were and seemed to always assume that they had each other handled and that nobody had to worry about either of them because of it. In every way, it was simply easier to show Yuki she cared by not interfering and letting him hold the reigns of his own life.

A big indicator of this idea for me what when Saeko talked about how Yuki ordered his own ramen, the type he liked. It's a small thing, but it started me to read because it highlighted the amount of input his mother had on his life; which was very little. I don't know if he even used her money or chose to use the extra from his jobs to pay for it, but either way, it sort of put their relationship into perspective.

The impact it had:

Yuki probably had a lot of resentment towards his father, or, at the very least, a desire to turn out different. And oftentimes when a person is very strongly trying to avoid turning out like someone, they ignore or avoid acknowledging the similarities, rather than accepting and working on them to properly change. Without a strong parental/adult figure in his life, he wouldn't have considered insight beyond his own experiences. He's characterized to be moody and domineering, and Mafuyu is too soft-spoken to have brought up most issues until it reached its boiling point.

I believe Yuki might have had Borderline Personality Disorder to a mild extent. Some symptoms of BPD are mood swings, impulsivity, impaired social relationships, and a distorted self-image. They usually have thoughts of suicide or self-harming tendencies. When they feel insecure in relationships, in which they’re usually very, very invested, they tend to lash out or do rash things to keep them close.

Based on my relationships with the borderline people in my life, I've noticed that they usually bounce between having great confidence in themselves, to being incredibly insecure. It's hard to explain specifically, but they walk a fine line of being insecure and also maintaining a painfully strong ego, which makes them react very strongly when provoked, intentionally or not. Yuki and Mafuyu have a different type of relationship than I do with those people in my life which, for the two of them, means that Mafuyu probably had to provide lots of emotional support for Yuki, while also under the mild threat of Yuki coming to harm by his own actions.

Being with someone with these tendencies who is also unaware of them is very draining, especially for someone as mild and soft-spoken as Mafuyu is. Yuki tended to lead their relationship and was probably very noticeable when upset-and for someone who might not be used to speaking up or someone who has low self-confidence, it is difficult to bring up things. It doesn't feel safe if you don't know exactly how it would be received. Especially if they are the person you are closest to, it can be anxiety-inducing to try and bring up problems that don't seem to be incredibly important or unavoidable.

So, long story short-Yuki was closed off to receiving any kind of proper advice or criticism that would've saved him. Another symptom of BPD, as mentioned before, is suicidal ideation. So, if all these things are combined, it's a lot easier to see how he, surrounded by only his thoughts and ideas, would make the choice to take his own life when provoked.

It wasn't specifically that Mafuyu had caused his death, but more that he just sent him over the edge he had been teetering on for a long while. He was like his father in the sense that they had the same flaws that just came from different places. Yuki's pride came from the flip side of his insecurities and his own early independence, and his mental health issues as a whole are probably hereditary. The specificities of his death, where Yuki drinks after avoiding alcohol for his entire life, feels like he failed in his effort to avoid being like his father. He was different as a person but in the end, their flaws aligned and brought them to their end in parallels to each other.

Calling back to what his mom said-it doesn't feel unexpected. It is shocking, but not a surprise. Yuki was fiercely independent and wanted to learn and do new things, all on his own-including his own death and whatever follows after.

[I wrote this a while back and didn’t really like how most of it was speculation and hard to prove-but decided to post it anyway because I spent too much time on it lol.

Like I said before, most of this is just my head canons, but I hope it made sense! Feel free to add on with your stuff/arguments/headcanons :)]

#given #yuki yoshida #sato mafuyu #character ramblings #tw sui mention #mafuyuki #given manga #given anime #idkkk what do y’all think #i’m bad at Tags #also this is. severely unedited.#as in i wrote this a while back #found it and just went #huh this is a lot of words. let me skim it. sounds about right. time to post!#WIAHI

93 notes · View notes

peanut-butter-parkerxx · 3 years

Text

skincare routine

peter catches y/n do her skin care routine and gets curious..

pairing: peter x fem!reader

status: dating

warning: very brief mentions of sex (only once), FaceTime call in the shower (no nudity)

Peter's POV

I was finishing up my daily night patrol on my way to my girlfriends house, I texted her a couple times but she never answered, I got worried coz she always replies to my texts so I facetimed her and she answered...in the shower.

*connecting to y/n/n <3 *

"hey babe you ok- wait are you in the shower?" I ask sheepishly, I couldn't see her, only the ceiling and part of the shower curtain, the hot steam coming out of the shower fogged up the mirror a little.

"y-yeah" she nervously giggled "sorry if this is awkward, i just didn't want you to get worried" she says

"oh no no its not awkward, *laughs* i just wanted to know if you were ok coz you didn't answer me" I explain, feeling giddy inside that she's comfortable with facetiming me while showering, I know it's weird but this is definitely a step up.

"you coming today?" she asks, hopeful

"how can I not pass by my girl's place before going to bed?" I say in a 'duh' tone

"aww that's sweet" she mumbles. "uhh since you're here now, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to stay over tonight? today's friday and I wanted to watch movies and just spend time with you....if- you don't mind" she says nervously, I never slept the night at her place yet, but I really want to so I obviously agreed.

"yeah yeah sure! ill uh text may right now, see you in 5" I say

"byeeee" she says in a cheerful tone

"bye" I laugh

🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸

I texted may about staying at y/n's tonight and she agreed, she just said to use protection and I think she misunderstood what 'spending the night at y/n's meant'.

anyways, I knocked on her window, waiting for her to open up but she didn't, I waited a couple more minutes but she still didn't answer. I tried opening the window and it worked!

"I gotta tell her to lock the window" I mentally noted, "y/nnn?!?!" I shout her name out but not too loudly so I don't disturb the whole house.

"bathroom!" she replies, is she still showering? I go to her bathroom, knocking before I go in, just in case.

"come in peter, all clear" she laughs, and I laugh too, when I entered I saw her in her white robe, the belt wrapping her waist and her white towel wrapped around her head, she really is beautiful.

"hey babe!" she says cheery, giving me a loose hug so she wouldn't dampen my suit.

"what are you doing?" i ask her, seeing her getting products out of her cabinets and drawers

"I was gonna start my skincare routine" she says shrugging.

"routine?" I ask her curiously.

"yeah, there are a couple steps, wanna do it with me? you look intrigued" she says smirking. To be honest I was curious, so I agreed. she told me to go shower first so I can get out of my dirty suit. while I was showering she was getting her products out and got a robe for me to 'get in the mood'.

"babe I'm done!" I tell her.

"ok, I got you your robe!" she informs me and leaves the bathroom.

y/n's POV

"It's all clear" peter says mimicking what I said 10 minutes ago.

"haha verry funny- woah" ok why did I just know that my boyfriends is hot? like fit-body-abs hot?? his wet curls were falling off his head landing on his forehead, the water droplets falling slowly down his chest.

"y/n??" he asks smiling slightly but his cheeks were a flaming shade of red. oh shit he noticed me checking him out. "you good? is that a bit of drool over there" he says teasing me. rolling my eyes, i shook the thoughts out of my head.

"ok lets start" I say taking my phone out, ready to record this soon to be chaotic mess.

"why are you recording?"

"you think I'm gonna pass up the opportunity of recording my boyfriend while he's using my skin care products? absolutely not" and I lay out the basic products.

*A/N: just a disclaimer, everybody's skin type is different so i wont add every product its just the basic ones, just imagine the ones you use if you dont use the products written in this imagine :) take care of your skin kids and DRINK WATER*

"ok, before anyone begins their skincare routine they have to move their hair out of their face so I got you this" I hand him my bunny ears headband.

"w-wait do I have to??" he whines, I give him that motherly look "ugh fine" he grumbles. and i obviously had to do a mini ponytail for my entertainment.

"we're already starting the video with you whining like a baby" I say sarcastically, "ok so the first step is cleansing your face so we're gonna use a face scrub!" I say showing him the product

"ok ok will it hurt?" he asks concerned

"no baby it doesn't hurt" I say, applying a decent amount on his face, showing him how he should spread it out while I apply it to my face. peter looked so concentrated, his facial expression's serious making sure it doesn't get it in his eyes, and scrunching his nose a bit when it almost touches it.

"ok I'm done!" he says, feeling good about how he applied it

"wait let me look-" I turn my head to see him "wow good job babe!" I say genuinely surprised. and ruffling his hair. "now we gotta rinse it off slowly ok?" I tell him, and he tried to rinse it off slowly but he stopped

"babe can you rinse this off? I don't want it getting in my eyes" he pouts, pointing at his cheeks, i turned around again to help him, but he was still nervous about it, he kept saying things like:

"no! no!"

"Y/N I can feel it coming in my eyes"

"it stings!"

"Y/NNN! ow- where's the water!?"

"keep still you big baby" I laugh at his behaviour "almost there don't worry" wiping the last of the face scrub "all done" I kiss his nose reassuringly "ok now! the moisturiser" I hand him a round cotton pad and put the moisturiser in while e pats it on his face "pete, what are you doing?" I ask laughing

"I'm dabbing it in, isn't that how you're supposed to put it on?" he asks confusedly

"no *laughs* no"

"then what's the thing you dab on your beautiful face"

"I don't know..do you mean foundation?" I ask smiling, tilting my head

"yeah yeah that"

"THAT'S MAKEUP, PETER" I laugh putting on my moisturizer.

"ok now that's done, lets put some tee tree oil!" showing him our next product "don't put it everywhere! its just a droplet to help reduce pimples" I say showing him the way

"ewww y/n why does it smell like that?" he asks in disgust

"I know it smells weird but trust the process" I tell him "ok now we'll finish it off by face spray!" I say, spraying it on my face lightly, and intentionally handing to peter to see how he'll manage...he didn't.

"y/n I don't know why I'm scared- where is it- its not coming- in my face- ughh" he says with every spray, I couldn't even talk at this point I laughed my ass off

"pete- no- BAHAH- stop you'll finish it!" I say taking it away from him "here" I lightly spray his face but his dramatic ass scrunches his face with every spray like its gonna attack him "aaaaand done! look how fresh you look!" holding his cheek and kissing his nose, he even looked proud of himself.

"to be honest, I don't think this is the last time I'll be doing this" he says, honestly. I grinned at him, happy with his response. before I could hit the record button again, to turn it off, peter pouted and said "wait we're- we're not doing any facemasks?"

32 notes · View notes