[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
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I'm a little bit insane about how in novel canon the whole xiyao ending where Jin Guangyao wants to die with Xichen, who accepts, which then makes jgy change his mind and pushes him away at the last second isn't actually explicit. A lot of adaptations chose to make it so but in the novel this is all VERY up for interpretation.
Here's what actually happens in the text: Lan xichen stabs jgy, jgy moves away from lan xichen, xichen follows him, wwx realizes jgy is about to open the coffin and calls "watch out!" to lan xichen. Jgy unseals nmj, pushes xichen away, nmj kills jgy and they are both dragged into the coffin which is sealed again.
Here's what wei wuxian, our narrator, thinks is happening: Jin Guangyao wanted to lead lan xichen to his death out of revenge for stabbing him. Lan Xichen, unaware, simply followed Jin Guangyao to try and stop him from getting away. Wei wuxian's warning came too late, but Jin Guangyao- for an unknown reason- changed his mind at the last second and pushed lan xichen out of danger before lan xichen had any idea of what was going on.
Here's what most fans as well as the teams behind several adpatations think is happening: Jin Guangyao leads Xichen to nmj's coffin to die with him, Xichen accepts, because of this acceptance, proof xichen still cares for him, Jin Guangyao pushes him out of harm's way. Wei Wuxian just doesn't get that gay people who aren't him or Lan Wangji exist.
Here's what ALSO MIGHT BE HAPPENING: Jin guangyao wants to die in a different way than he is currently dying. Maybe he's afraid of what'll happen to his body after his death like he was scared for his mother's, maybe he wants to confront nmj one last time now that there's nothing more for him to lose, maybe - if he can't take her body with him- he'd at least like his final resting place to be where he buried his mother. Lan Xichen thinks he's trying to get away and follows but Jin Guangyao, who despite everything doesn't want him to die, pushes him away. Xichen doesn't know what happened until it's already happened. What he would've wanted if he had known remains up in the air.
Or, alternatively: Jin Guangyao's reasons are as above, but unbeknowst to Wei Wuxian, Xichen DOES know what jgy is about to do and either misinterprets this as an invitation to all die together, or inidividually decides he, too, is done, and wants to join his sworn brothers in the grave. To Jin Guangyao this has nothing to do with Lan Xichen, and he still doesn't want him to die, so he pushes him away against Lan Xichen's wishes.
Every single one of these interpretations is unhinged and they are all supported by the original text. It's like a choose your own adventure of tragic gay endings.
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Why does aziraphale tells crowley he forgives him??? I literally just finished it and its driving me insane
hello anon! hope you're doing okay after that ending!
that's a hell of a question. there are a few different answers, and i think a lot was going on in aziraphale's head at that particular moment, but this is what I took from it:
-this is a dance aziraphale and crowley have been doing for a long time.
there's some sort of moral conflict. aziraphale repeats heaven's party line. crowley asks a bunch of uncomfortable questions. aziraphale doubles down. crowley calls him an idiot. aziraphale forgives him. crowley storms away. pretty much half of their relationship is built on these kinds of destructive patterns at this point--of course they'd fall back into it during the worst fight they've ever had.
-aziraphale is angry.
he's heartbroken, and he doesn't understand why crowley has decided to abandon him in what should be (from his perspective) the happiest moment of their lives since the fall. he's lashing out, and intentionally hurting crowley in the same way he's been hurt. he's not stupid, no matter how much miscommunication is happening in this scene--telling someone "i forgive you" after they've kissed you is going to hurt, and he knows that.
this reading comes mostly from michael's performance. several people have noted that in the moments immediately after the kiss, aziraphale says "I l--" and then cuts himself off. then he goes on a Michael Sheen Face Journey TM and ends up angry, and that's when we get "I forgive you." whatever else is going on with aziraphale in this moment, he's pissed.
-forgiveness is what aziraphale does.
in aziraphale's very first (modern day) scene of the season, we learn that forgiveness is "one of his favorite things." he forgives maggie's rent, and he forgives gabriel enough to shelter him from heaven and hell while he's vulnerable. it's an instinct for aziraphale, for better or worse, whether it's because it's something he thinks he SHOULD do or something intrinsic to him as a person who desperately wants to do good. occasionally, it's even something he does for his own gain. (see: forgiving maggie was a kind action, but he himself admits that part of his motivation was that she always knows how to find his music.) it makes sense that he would fall back on forgiveness as a framework for understanding a mess of complicated and painful emotions. it makes him feel better, forgiving people, and he needs the comfort of that here.
-he means it.
he forgives crowley for saying no. he forgives crowley for breaking his heart. he forgives crowley for always asking 'damn fool' questions. he forgives crowley for kissing him at the worst possible time. he forgives crowley for falling. he forgives crowley for making him doubt. he forgives crowley for being kind, and clever, and ridiculous, and special, and someone he couldn't help but fall in love with, no matter how much it hurts them both.
and unfortunately, forgiveness is the one thing that will always make crowley walk away.
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this morning i watched a video of the anti-trans bill in louisiana being struck down and then sobbed with relief for 20 minutes
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