#feels so fucking good bc i am A Lot and it feels so validating to be on the receiving end of A Lot too 💗💗

[dancedance-resolution]

IM HAVING A GOOD DAY EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT EXPECT TO HAVE ONE

#once again cannot reccomend taking your adhd meds enough. yes sometimes i feel unnecessarily guilty that i took them and didn’t ‘do anything #‘ but then i have days like today when i did two things and also just feel rad (probably at least partially thanks to the extra dopamine fro #m bestie addy lol but fuck it i don’t have to feel any sort of way about it other than thankful that i have medicine that works for me somet #imes 😎😎😎) #anyways now i am spending the night with this person who matches me level in our relationship i think. like level of enthusiasm etc and that #feels so fucking good bc i am A Lot and it feels so validating to be on the receiving end of A Lot too 💗💗

[starlingskulls]

they're at mad at me island i should cvt

#cvt #cvtting #I'm like ... 2 months clean question mark #i unfortunately am Very good at like .. invalidating myself abt sh and all #so I barely even count what I did as cvts lmao #I have a few scars that haven't faded yet on my thigh though so that's. something #you know how it is #and like of course do not take my words here as like . idk Truth. like #if you've got small ones that's still sh yk like. that's still ?? #i don't rlly know how to go abt talking here lol #i try not to log in too much. makes me worse I think #ur all valid is what I'm getting at #anyway . they are ignoring me on purpose bc I accidentally did something #and its making me feel like fucking shit but I don't want to tell them that bc like?? if they're reacting like this #over something I'm Also upset abt?? idk #i've been able to vent to them a Lot and have felt v safe abt it but mm. I'm unfortunately very sensitive lol #and idk if I will be able to confide in them for a fucking While again #I don't want to break my streak though. also I've always been afraid of bleeding so LMAOOOO #im not letting myself sleep tonight instead. haven't done that since hs but uhmm Oh Well it is what it is #doubt they're in these corners of Tumblr but if u know who this is Sowwy ! #🐦‍⬛posting

[chappellroansdreamgirl]

officer!els<3

author's note - meow i love this woman.

content warnings - black!coded!reader ig????, fluff, els i love u ellie williams pls handcuff me to ur bed and police-brutalize me! , text msgs from reader that are very me-coded! , mostly just based off every grumpy but cool cop i've seen in media, lots of notes from me i'm going insane I NEED HER!!!!! , there's a white man in a pic i put... you have been warned, smut/suggestive shit at the end!

-------------------------------------------------------

- def wanted to be a cop when she was a kid and then was a total fucking juvenile as a teen. (duh!)

- always loved the police officers who barely ever gave troubled kids a hard time. (this is coming from a troubled kid. acab all the way except for u guys. well, still acab, but y'all r cool!) would refuse to talk to anyone except her favorites. i fully believe that's one of the reasons she would go into this workforce.

- when she got approved to start training to be a cop, u were home with her favorite strand of weed and she gave u a look like, "🤨🤨" , "can't be doing that no more baby, i'm gonna be a cop." , "...stfu and take the first hit before you piss me off..." , she's wearing a SHIT-eating grin before she takes it. (don't ask me how she passes her drug-tests!) (probably gets jesse to do it or someone idk maybe joel if she's lucky!) (def not joel...)

- ADDING ONTO THIS!^^ : every single time you smoke when she can't she'll look so sad or just side-eye tf out of you... "really?" , "what do you want me to do ellie..." u stopped smoking around her when she couldn't...

- this woman is so intimidating but once those cop dogs come on the scene she's so cute<3 . she's so smiley and happy they love her AND SHE LOVES THEM. she definitely sent u a picture of her with the group of the babies and was like, "can we adopt them all pls i love them ):" . you guys adopted a rescue pup shortly after...

- whenever you're doing ANYTHING EVER she flashes her badge at you and says something so loser of her , "don't make me handcuff you..." or makes finger guns with the sounds and GOD I LOVE THIS WOMAN.

- speaking of badges, she always has her badge on her. ALWAYS. it is EMBARRASSING!

- when she got her first arrest she was so happy:3 . i FEEL like she took a picture with the fucker and everything and she looked so proud of herself. "good job baby now pls get to the station before that mf breaks out of those handcuffs he looks like he's gonna murder u..."

- this is a headcannon of mine (and canon so why am i saying hc maybe it's just bcs it's more in-depth in my head.) but she loves kids and whenever she sees a younger person at the station, she makes sure that they're ok and have everything they need.

- with that being said, she HATES the teens who don't have a valid reason to be such delinquents. lovable delinquents are her soft-spot but those... THOSE ONES😧.

- definitely is a kitten-saver-cop. hates getting the call but she responds every time.

- sends u this pic anytime u say something mildly threatening to her in text msgs:

suggestive/NSFW!

-------------------------------------------------------

- the day she got her uniform, you wanted to jump her bones. she came back home, poor girl was so tired and all you could think about is how good she looked in that shit.

- like i said... the badge is with her at all times... maybe this is too feral but i feel like she put IT in ur mouth and took a polaroid of it after u were done eating her out or SSAAAWWWWMMMMTHHHIIIIING. (pls let me wear ur badge baby i'm on my knees BEGGING YOU!)

- definitely joked about role-playing jailer/jailed and then it wasn't a joke anymore. y'all tried it once and couldn't stop laughing.

- has definitely used her handcuffs on u or vice versa. she gets so excited when u pull that shit out.

- ggggg...g-g-gu-....gggggggggguuuunnn ki-

- definitely has fucked u in the uniform. u two probs have had a quickie in the station bathroom on multiple occasions.

bonus round - police!els edit<3 :

#abby tlou #tlou2 #abby anderson #abby anderson fic #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x abby #ellie x fem reader #ellabs #ellie x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams series #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams fanart #dina tlou #tlou art #joel tlou #the last of us #tlou #joel miller #bella ramsey #laura bailey #ani's ellie🎀 #ani's writing📖

[one-squash-one-end]

I wrote a giant Raven Cycle analysis

Hi! Over the last year or so I've been working on a sort of essay about various themes in the raven cycle series, and I finally finished it a few weeks ago.

It is titled: "Why I love The Raven Cycle - An excessive analysis of the themes of friendship, queerness and growing up".

And since tumblr loves its meta (and bc I love peer validation) I've decided to start uploading it bit by bit here, making this the masterpost (if I can figure out the logistics of the linking lmao, bear with me)

(beware of spoilers up to greywaren starting at like 3b!)

Introduction

What even is the Raven Cycle?

Trust me, the characters are queer as fuck and I can prove it a) Blue Sargent b) Gansey c) Adam Parrish d) Ronan Lynch e) Noah f) Henry Cheng g) Honorary mentions

The Gangsey is a polycule

Analyzing the reoccurring themes a) Friendship b) Being a teen/growing up c) (Found) Family d) Magic (as a metaphor) e) Further themes I appreciate

Drawing a conclusion

Click here to start with the introductory parts!

1. Introduction

So here’s the thing: I love fiction almost as much as I love my friends. There’s something deeply comforting about the escapism, even if the book actually makes me want to scream and throw it on the floor (only one book has been thrown so far, I promise!).  Fiction is a healthy thing to occupy my thoughts with: headcanons! Quotes being on loop in my brain! Just fandoms!

And for me, if I am hooked on a book (series), it does not even need a good plot where a lot of things happen. In fact, I would say that my enjoyment of a book is made up of 30% plot and about 70% characters and vibes. If the characters are bland, if they do not make me feel much emotion, it likely won’t be more than 4 stars (additional info: I am way too nice rating books!). I really, really need to love the characters, to be able to relate to some aspects of them, or it just won’t become an obsession.

Since I have already started explaining that a bit, let’s look at this question: What is important to make a book special to me? 1. I need to cry reading it. 2. I have to think about it often, even weeks to months after having read it. 3. Obviously, I need to love the characters. 4. I need to be in the fandom! This can be hard with some books, but the internet is a whimsical space allowing you to find at least a small number of people who are obsessed with a work of fiction to a similar extent as you are.

Now, why am I elaborating on this so much? It’s because The Raven Cycle did all that for me. It is my favorite comfort book series at the moment, for all those aspects mentioned, but of course I cannot just leave it at that. No, I wrote a whole-ass analysis on headcanons and some of its themes. You’re welcome.

2. What even is The Raven Cycle?

The Raven Cycle is all I adore and live for (next to my friends). So, naturally, it’s a book series, specifically a four book young adult contemporary fantasy series by American author Maggie Stiefvater. The books in question are: The Raven Boys (2012), The Dream Thieves (2013), Blue Lily, Lily Blue (2014) and The Raven King (2016), and yes I will admit that the publishing dates are a bit of a red flag. There is also the very relevant follow-up series called The Dreamer Trilogy (Call Down The Hawk, Mister Impossible, Greywaren), but it’s a lot less easy to get into that here as I do not know these entire books by heart, so I’ll stick to the original tetralogy here.

To stick to red flags, the books are set in the fictional Henrietta, a rural town in non-fictional Virginia, US, in the 2010s. However, that doesn’t really say *that* much about the plot, so let me summarize that really quick, because I can do better than the official synopsis! (Or let’s pretend I can.)

Blue Sargent comes from a family of psychics, yet she does not have any powers of her own. Even worse, she is a bit of an amplifier for the others, meaning she is always somehow but never directly involved in the business. As if that isn’t enough for an identity crisis, every psychic she has ever met has told her that her kiss would kill her true love. Yikes.

But because she is that amplifier, she comes to a church watch on St. Mark’s Eve, where psychics see the spirits of those to die within the following year. It’s important business, but to her it’s really just staring into the dark. Until she does actually see a spirit: That of Gansey. Of course this is not a coincidence. No, to add to this teen’s mount of problems, there are only two reasons why a non-seer would see someone’s spirit: They are their true love, or they killed them. Or, in Blue’s case, maybe both.

The aforementioned Gansey is Henrietta’s Golden Boy, the son of politicians (read: he’s fucking loaded). He does not run with the Republicans though, he runs with dead Welsh kings, meaning he has been searching for the probably dead, presumably sleeping Welsh king Glendower (*1350; †1416; yikes) for the past like seven years. Why the fuck would he do that? Well, legend says that he will grant a wish to whoever wakes him, and our favorite PTSD-ridden guy really wants that favor.

Aiding him are fellow Aglionby students Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch and Noah Czerny, plus Henry Cheng, though only a lot later in the series, but I really did not want to leave out that menace (affectionately) here. The paths of Blue and the boys cross because of Gansey’s search for Glendower, plus the fact that Blue works at a popular pizza place, but that’s a lot less whimsical. And, well, there’s the implication that Gansey might also be her true love, but perhaps she just kills him because of his bad fashion sense, it would be justified. Anyway, in true Famous Five fashion (Ronan is the dog; I won’t elaborate, the girls that get it, get it) they are of course not the only ones searching for the king, so it’s not completely a wholesome friend bonding activity all the way through.

Be prepared for: friendship and growing up, lots of treasure hunting, family mysteries, magical forests, illegal and slightly distasteful activities (our favorite of course), but most of all, heavily queer-coded (or even canonically queer) characters. Be Gay, Do Crime.

#y'all better like this it took a while #trc #the raven cycle #gansey #blue sargent #ronan lynch #adam parrish #noah czerny #henry cheng #the raven king #the raven boys #blue lily lily blue #the dream thieves #let's hope i don't forget about this after the first part #please talk to me about your thoughts

[briebysabs]

I have to talk about Misha I’ve been holding this for so long. I am not defending him, everything he’s done is fucked up. I just want people to understand him better and idk how coherent this will be but HSVDVXHSBSJJDF

Bc if you hate him, totally justified. But I don’t want Misha to ever be simplified to the jealous crazy younger brother. Yes he is technically that but one thing about mochijun characters is that most of the time, you can always dig further into their psyche. And I feel like not enough people do that with Misha. I haven’t made an in-depth Misha discussion until now mostly bc I’m a potato. He isn’t 2-dimensional and he fits perfectly in the themes of vnc. Misha cannot be saved, he is a hopeless character, he bears Luna’s Mark while using the Book he is doomed. You can say he was doomed the second he entered the story. His brotherly love for Vanitas is twisted. He is the embodiment of tragic. Everything that led him to this point was not his fault. The only thing he chose was to follow Luna and join their clan bc he would’ve died otherwise. Luna and Vanitas are the only good things he ever had.

We all know his backstory. So of course losing both would make him snap. And on top of all this he’s being manipulated by Teacher. Who fucking knows the lies or orders Teacher has been feeding him. All this when he’s like 12....13 at most.

And let’s approach the vanoé situation. We know the depth of vanoé’s relationship and even though Misha might’ve observed from afar, he doesn’t have that context. To be fair he probably wouldn’t care but point is, he sees Noé as some random guy. And again, let’s withdraw ourselves a bit and see things from the outside. How much time has passed since chapter 1? How long has Vanitas and Noé actually known each other? We know that a couple weeks passed since the end of the Gevaudan arc. We know that a week passed after Vanoé got kicked outta Ruthven’s study. If there are any other mini time skips I’m forgetting pls lemme know. But let’s be honest, they’ve known each other for two months. If we wanna push it, three. Of course how long you know a person doesn’t solely decide how close you get to them. You can know someone for two weeks but depending wtf goes on in that time frame, they can become your ride or die. But let’s use Misha’s logic for a minute.

You’ve known Vanitas longer, both of you went through hell under Dr. Moreau. You have the same Mark, you’re gonna suffer the same fate. And from how you see it, he chose a man he met by chance a few months ago, over you. Someone who will never truly get it. He is putting his life in the hands of a stranger over yours. You finally meet again after all this time, and the brother who you believed puts you above everything, points a gun at you. Yeah, Misha fucked up. But that will hurt anybody.

Misha challenges their relationship. He questions how much it even makes sense. It’s not only “how can you chose Noé over me?” But also “How can you kill Father but not him?” Is he more important than us?? And that’s a valid question. Messed up but understandable to ask. Noé has protected Vanitas and has been pretty helpful. But Vanitas doesn’t need him to survive. Noé isn’t essential for this suicide mission he’s on either. Misha cannot understand what Noé brings to Vanitas’ life.

Misha was so dependent on Vanitas that he couldn’t fathom his brother not feeling the same. Vanitas loves Misha, no matter how strained or corrupted that bond has become. But he is not emotionally capable to stay with him. And he is allowed to feel that way. And Misha is allowed to scream and wail and be broken about it. In conclusion, Misha is an amazing addition to the narrative, I love him a lot. But I also love Vincent from ph so that explains quite a bit doesn’t it?

#anime #les memoires de vanitas #the case study of vanitas #manga #vanitas no carte #vnc manga #jun mochizuki #vnc #noe archiviste #vanitas #vanoé #mikhail #misha #tumblr #anime tumblr #tragedy #analysis #I feel bad for him man #hope he reconciles with Vanitas before they meet their end #hope Domi is involved too #luna vnc

[lionheartedmusings]

i saw a post earlier that q!tubbo is the only "moral" character even after purgatory and it's kinda kept me awake, not because i don't agree with the sentiment (i do) but because the idea of morality as intrinsically important in fandom / character analysis is fascinating to me, *especially* when we're talking about the morality of someone who's basically just spent two weeks in some eye guy's budget hunger games.

first off, while i fully agree that by the end of this q!tubbo *is* a character that tried at every turn to be kind and generous even to his own detriment, how does that make him more or less "moral" than q!phil or q!fit? he still killed, the same as them. he still strategized to beat his friends, has blood on his hands — why is he marked above x, y, or z in the moral scale?

well, one could argue that he did what he did for his team, for the eggs, and because he was forced to when he was put in the game in the first place, yeah? it's not his fault he's in this position, and he's doing his best to survive it. i personally think that's totally valid and justifiable, but it leaves a huge elephant in the room.

what about everyone else?

i'm going to use q!bad as an example because he's my main pov, and before i go into this analysis i want it known i'm very much playing the devil's advocate and illustrating a point — i am not saying his actions are "good". good? good.

okay. so, q!bad. here we have a non-human father who was told by his missing child to win regardless of the cost, or whomever he had to run over. he had to win. is it immoral then for him to take that to heart and play the game the way it was presented? is it immoral for him to kill for his child, or to be determined to win even in detriment of others? to want to use the same strategies in the battlefield that everyone else would, even if they're not kind or polite?

i don't fucking know, because morality isn't linear — this situation *isn't* linear bc if people will go on the record saying they would kill for their child and are praised for it, what makes q!bad's actions in the universe he's existing in any different?

you can even say that by some perspectives, q!tubbo extending so much kindness to his competitors over and over again was at times (or could've been) detrimental to his team ergo their childrens' lives and yet he still did it. is it more moral to save children or be nice to someone else?

my point being, i feel that the morality argument while very very interesting is kind of irrelevant bc when push comes to shove, characters aren't compelling bc they have more or less morals — i genuinely think a lot of media / character consumption has *actively* been harmed by everyone's need to have the thing they enjoy be "good" or "moral" or "right" bc if it isn't, what does that say about us?

the answer to that one is: absolutely nothing, but man do i think sometimes people in fandom feel guilty if they like or prefer an immoral or grey character vs a "stereotypical" moral one.

anyway, all this to say that i think by the end of purgatory, q!tubbo is the character that was most true to himself and his values from start to finish, and it's been a great watch. is he the most morally correct? eh. who the fuck knows.

#qsmp #long post #q!tubbo #q!bad #idk man morality in fandom is the most interesting thing to me #and this is coming from someone who has consistently been against the moral glorification of characters in media ESPECIALLY in survival #situations #now this is literally just a thought experiment on my end feel free to ignore #i am criticizing no one i'm just on my soapbox

[controversialhpmemes]

people who single out marauders fan artists like likeafunerall and blame them for feminizing sirius need to chill the fuck out and take a break from the internet. there's currently a tiktok going around with some unpopular (and valid) marauders opinions, one of them being something along the lines of "I prefer masc Sirius! " which AGAIN is very very valid. what ISNT however are the comments going absolutely insane over fem Sirius and blaming individual artists for ruining Sirius, as if seeing him as a short long haired guy had ruined their perception of him forever. I'm just wondering if theyre aware that. that's. transphobia. like standard definition of transphobia. "Sirius cant be a woman theyre making wolfstar look like a straight couple" ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF? they claim to be inclusive and woke but their acceptance stops at anything beyond two white twinks kissing. and it SUCKS bc the "fanon vs canon marauders" discussion can very much feel like a fight between two sides and it's just a fact that a majority of these transphobic assholes is on "my side" (preferring canon over fanon). Ik that this is mostly owed to the fact that the fandom is GIGANTIC and parted into many sub fandoms and I used to be fine with that but it's gotten to the point where I feel like I need to clarify my position every time I interact with people within the fandom "yes I prefer canon over fanon, no i do not ship jegulus, yes I enjoy wolfstar a moderate amount, no I do not like the fanon version of wolfstar, yes I enjoy masc sirius, NO I AM NOT A TRANSPHOBE" to me, it has started to feel like theres almost nothing in-between thinly veiled misogyny ("remus is a casanova, sirius is 5'6, sirius needs remus help with studying") and thinly veiled transphobia ("sirius needs to be 6'4 and super masc and anything else isnt valid") and its starting to get me wondering why i am even still caring about this dumpster fire

There is a lot to unpack.

Individual artists and writers should not be blamed for something being popularized that is not canon. Individual creators should never be harassed or sent anything hate-like. Never.

There are two problems. One is fem!Sirius written in a misogynistic way where Sirius' "fem" traits are associated with misogynistic portrayals of women. Stupid, airheaded, need man to function, "hysterical," "dramatic." You get it. Sirius can be a woman, can be transfem, but Sirius is not stupid, airheaded, helpless, "hysterical" in canon.

The second problem. If Sirius is transfem Sirius should still be Sirius. Intelligent, loyal, quick-witted, cutting, intense. Those are not gendered traits. They can be for everyone. Sirius likes motorbikes. Likes creating things. Likes taking risks.

When some people see fem!Sirius art and also see misogynistic takes on fem!Sirius in fic, tumblr, tiktok they combine the two. Fem!Sirius as art or concept not the problem. Fem!Sirius where Sirius is nothing like canon and is only negative misogynistic stereotypes, that is the problem. That is more common nowadays.

If you want to write canon Sirius as transfem, OK. But make MtF Sirius with canon personality. As far as I know being transgender makes your personality shine better because you can be who you really are. If canon Sirius is written as transfem then canon Sirius personality should shine more?

So it is not the concept of fem!Sirius that is the problem. It is the execution. To me fem!Sirius should be similar to Bellatrix but fighting for good and not prejudiced. Canon Bellatrix is a formidable witch. Transfem Sirius would be also.

#asked #answered #anti marauders fanon #sirius black

[utilitycaster]

I haven't seen WBN, so I can't comment on the comparison, but on the subject of Liliana, one of my favorite parts of last night was how Matt anwsered Fearne's question about how Liliana got involved with Ludinus. The whole scene with Liliana was stellar, but that answer made it so clear that is she is in a cult. The way Ludinus found her while she was unsure and looking for answers, mentored her, and showed her the "truth" about Predathos is a classic cult recruitment story. And her reasonings for staying in the cult after having recognizing some of its faults also rang true. She needs to "protect the children", the methods are wrong but the "truth" at the heart of their mission is right, the us vs. them mentality and fear of the exandrian authorities, etc. And I can see how that can make her sympathetic. She was taken in and conditioned by a charismatic, powerful leader. But Matt and the others have also made it clear, including in that scene, that she is complicit, and that the pcs at least recognize that her guilt does not absolve her. The members of the Manson Family who committed the Tate Murders may have been indoctrinated by Charles Manson, but they still killed 5 people in an incredibly grusome manner. The fact that they were following orders doesn't absolve them of their crime. And historically, cult leadership (which Liliana seems to be) who attempt to "fix" a cult either don't make any meanful change, or actually make it worse. I, at least, am very curious to see what will have happened in that regard when she next shows up. In short, people need to learn about nuance, and maybe sociology, and the Liliana scene was fantastic.

Hello anon. Are you spying on my Discord messages. This is not an accusation but I literally brought up the Manson Family there in discussion of how a lot of the WBN fandom in that like, people see wizards of the citadel (rightfully) as The War-Mongering Establishment, but forget that actually, there exist plenty of counterculture groups that also suck and just bc the US Government does horrible things doesn't mean the Manson Family doesn't. What if the Citadel AND a lot of Witches fucking sucked.*

To get back to Critical Role though, YEAH the Vanguard has been hitting every single aspect of a cult, and look. I get that the best way to get people irl out of a cult is to just be present for them when they decide to leave and not cut them off (the same is true for how to help people in abusive relationships) but also once they start murdering I feel that is no longer the move. The Liliana scene made me deeply uncomfortable and unsettled in the best way, namely, I knew they were talking to a cult member who is in too deep for them to get her out right now, and who has done terrible things to innocent people in service to that cult. Which brings me back to the first paragraph: a very true twist on "what if both sides of a conflict sucked" is "what if the victim of a system can still perpetuate the harm of a system onto others". (Also, if we want to throw Midst into the list of things where people have no-nuance no-sociology takes, and talk more about Steel? "what if someone with power within a system can still be a victim thereof."

Like, that is a really consistent set of issues in media analysis, actually. There's a lot of "this is the good side, and this is the bad side," and "this is a victim, and this is a perpetrator" and no understanding of "both sides are bad (or even complicated)" and "wow it's almost like the way systems and especially cults keep running is because everyone except the very top is to an extent a victim, but also everyone is a perpetrator." Very few people are unfettered evildoers doing it just for kicks. You can have sympathy for Liliana and also acknowledge that it's pretty valid for Orym to have no room for that sympathy. Traumatized and manipulated people can still be shitty people.

*I'm neutral-to-faint-positive on Suvi/Ame as a ship but actually "wow both our establishments really suck, how can we make something better together" is a great basis for a ship and "oh my god no witches are perfect and right and wizards are Bad and Wrong you're so correct about everything" is a dogshit basis for a ship which I think is worth highlighting given that we are in fandom spaces here although I may come to regret this when I'm sober.

#cr spoilers

[blushedfemme]

I’m not a stone butch myself, though am the type of service top that can happily go without. Generally if I want to be touched it’s once in a while, very gently, in between the four or so times I’m giving. Regardless, I just want to say as someone who isn’t stone that that the way you are is complete and perfect and good. I love and appreciate and know stone butches and I love and appreciate and know how important high femmes are to them. Everyone who gets all fucked about pillow princesses can’t get past their own limited perspective and understand what a relief it is for stone butches to find a high femme, to find a sexual partner that doesn’t pressure them into something they don’t really want or very very rarely want, who takes it personally, etc. I’ve seen that look of relief over beers at the bar, when a friend finally finds that genuinely liberating sex. Even for me, who isn’t stone, sex with high femmes has helped me figure out who I am and has been complete and perfect and good (so good).

I want to say that sometimes this negativity towards high femmes comes from a place of trauma. Some of us came out in small towns or otherwise stifling circumstances where our only encounters were with ostensibly straight women who found us good enough to fuck them but not good enough to fuck back. Although that’s no excuse for turning your hurt into an attack on stone identities, I also understand that hurt and I hope those people can heal.

Mostly I think it’s just entitlement. Jealousy that they find someone hot and they aren’t available to them because they don’t have sex the way they want to have sex. Too fucking bad.

I really need more people to pick up a book or look up some old zines and learn our history.

Anyway. You don’t need anyone to validate you but I really wanted to say don’t listen to those idiots.

-🧰 (this is the barbecue anon btw 😉)

oh man i’m getting kinda emotional about this…🥺 thank you so so much for reaching out, i can’t tell you how much it means to me.

the way you spoke about the relief on your stone butch friends’ faces 🥹💕 god, that’s everything. i hope i can help give someone that sense of relief and safety someday. thank you for speaking so kindly about your experiences with stone femmes, it’s validating to hear that sex with us can be complete and good in its own right.

also there’s a lot of diversity within stone and the ways we like to receive and give. for example, i have touched a partner, both directly and indirectly, to give them pleasure, and would again. i have eaten out a partner and would again. there are stone femmes who wouldn’t do those things, and they’re wonderful and sexy and skilled, but it’s weird when ppl automatically assume a stone femme won’t touch a partner below the belt in any way bc some of us do! we just do it very carefully and on our own terms. the only thing i really can’t do is penetrating a partner. dysphoria is the best word to describe the feeling it gives me. once i put on the harness as a joke and looked in the mirror and it made me nauseous lol.

and thank you so much for providing insight into the other perspective, of bad experiences with “straight” women leading to pain around lack of reciprocity in the bedroom. i know how true that is. almost every queer person i’ve ever had a deep conversation with has a story like that. it helps me to understand where this disdain comes from and to hold compassion. 💞

#clarke answers #stone identity #🧰 anon #i’m very glad to hear from you again btw 🤭💖 i really enjoyed your ask~ #and love the toolbox emoji 😘 #long post

[anystalker707]

From the heart to the blade

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Pairing: Jeff The Killer x [gender neutral] Reader

Special fic request by @eyed-knife [exception bc he is my brother that loser]

Word count: ~ 1 100 Summary: You're simply obsessed with Jeff, but maybe he doesn't share the same feelings. Kind of content: Explicit violence / Obsession / Gore A/N: Not proofread. (Art Credit)

MASTERLIST

          The image of him never left your mind, really. He wanted to kill you—that’s a clear fact—, but he didn’t count on the red and blue lights shining into the room through the gaps of the curtains seconds before he could sink his shiny knife into that perfect little neck of yours. As much as he wanted to kill you, it wasn’t like it would be worth anything if he were just to make a quick swing at your neck and not even spend any time observing the beautiful blood spill on the floor. After all, he wasn’t a cheap killer.

What he didn’t count on, however, was the way it would just fucking earn him such an inconvenience. You were everywhere. Weren’t you traumatized or something that he had just killed some people that you knew right in front of you? Spilled their intestines on the ground so carelessly? Hell, you weren’t normal from the very start.

Maybe a trap would work?

The night was illuminated by the full moon, casting light all over the place. Jeff knew you would be there just like every other single time because, now, he made sure to leave behind gentle little tips that he was looking forward to seeing you again.

A sigh escaped his lips, transforming into steam in the cold night air. Jeff tried to polish his knife at least a little bit with the sleeve of his hoodie as he sat on that cold stone bench, making sure it was shiny enough. It’d been sharpened just days before. Perfect for use.

Not a lot of people would show up in such a monotonous part of the city—a park over the desert, troublesome neighborhoods—, so Jeff was sure that the distant sounds he heard were of you approaching. There was no surprise when his doubts were confirmed. He could feel a warm breath fanning over the side of his neck, suddenly sensing that presence right next to him, gaze burning into the side of his head. It was repugnant, but he didn’t think he would have it any other way, with such a precious and careful fan just like you, following every step, admitting all you did for him. How perfect could it be? And also so damn gross.

The corner of Jeff’s lips twitched. Wouldn’t you ever move? Announce yourself? For fuck’s sake.

“So you came,” his raspy voice cut through the silence, hoping you would finally say something.

“Of course,” you scoffed, taking a seat right next to him, grinning wide. Your heart beat in anticipation, the thrill of being so close to him by now. “Who do you think I am? Do you have any victims for tonight? Or are you just finally accepting my invitations to go out with me?”

Jeff scoffed. “Um, a little bit of both, really.”

“And what do you—”

The words died on your tongue the moment that your back met the ground, making you hiss at the pain, your air knocked out of you with the impact. What the fuck was that? Trying to sit up, however, the sharp pain against your neck made you freeze, widening your eyes and finally processing Jeff right there, over you. There’s an arm across your chest along with a knee over your thigh to keep you down along with the knife pressed to your neck. He didn’t even need that, really. You’d just gladly be pinned down by him.

“Give a good reason not to kill you right now.” His voice was low, breath fanning over your face, but the sight of such sleepless eyes gazing at you from so close made your heart skip beats.

“I love you?” You offered your best grin.

Jeff’s face didn’t change, eyebrows furrowed and lips still pursed, even if they were a little off, tugging at some points according to the irregular scars. “A valid reason.”

“Come on!” You sighed, groaning as you rolled your eyes. “You can just— I don’t know, teach me your art of killing... I would do anything to be by your side.”

“Sounds more like a pain in the ass.” He rolled his eyes as well, but it was in a distressed manner. A sharp sigh escaped his nose before he looked again at you. He ran his tongue over the pretty scars gracing the corners of his lips, looking impossibly good the way he delved in thoughts. “I hate you.”

“You hate me?” You chuckled, heart fluttering. “Oh, Jeff, I—”

Jeff’s hand that rested over your chest took a hold of your face instead, digging into your cheeks and pressing them together so your mouth would be open when he kissed you. It was messy, as if to just fill some sort of purpose without caring about its means; he managed to snatch a sound from you when his tongue poked into your mouth, exploring it messily and leaving behind a metallic taste. He didn’t care about you kissing him back either. Not like he made it easy, in the first place, pressing your cheeks together like that. His grip practically hurt.

You gasped for air once Jeff pulled away, a little disoriented after all the kissing. It was way too fucking good, leaving your body all tingly. Before you know it, he is doing it again, nibbling on your lips maybe with a little more force than needed, sending the pain sparkling through your lips now and then, but it all didn’t do anything better than making this sensation stir in your lower stomach.

A shaky breath escaped your lips as Jeff was once more replaced by the cold night air, leaving you there breathlessly.

Jeff huffed, raising his eyebrows as he shook his head. “Sorry.”

“What?”

“You could be a good plaything,” he mumbled as he leant in close, his breath fanning over your face, “but you’re not even that kissable.”

Your eyes widened. “Jeff, I—”

Jeff didn’t care what you would say, but still, the first thing he aimed for was your shoulder, sinking the knife into the flesh with a pleasing sound. He knew that, for you, it would be nothing but an honor to have a slow death in his hands, so he let it happen, making sure he aimed for the less vital parts first in the right place and in the right control; after all, it would be no fun if you passed out in the middle of it, right?

He bit on his lip as his knife pierced through your clothes. Your screams and groans of pain turned weaker each time, but always with that whiny edge that he enjoyed so much and also tugged onto your words whenever you pleaded for him to spare mercy, making that nice adrenaline run through his veins while he positioned the knife right above your chest. The cut was deep enough so he could reach his hand into your torso, soaking his hand with your sticky, warm blood that wrapped itself around your heart just in time to catch it’s last beats.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

#creepypasta #jeff the killer #x male reader #x female reader #gender neutral #laughing jack #ben drowned #slenderman #eyeless jack #masky #hoodie #ticcy toby

[blueberryducky]

This is ridiculous but I’m feeling very vulnerable and emotional about the fact that I can put a label to my queerness I’m literally crying right now because I want to hug my past self and tell her everything will be ok.

I’m not exaggerating when I say I felt fucking RELIEVED the day I found out what asexual meant, and not only that but also there’s the term aromantic?? I was over the moon. I finally had a word to describe what I felt (or lack of felt in this case??).

I genuinely thought there was something off about me while growing up, and it got worse once I started watching all my friends and classmates getting into relationships and breaking up and feeling the pressure of having my first kiss and losing my virginity (a whole other discussion entirely bc of how wrong the concept is used and the importance is given) I was so fucking stressed and nervous all the time and felt so isolated and lonely.

I was scared I was not be prepared to have my first kiss.

I was so scared for someone to ask me out because of what my friends would think of me if I rejected them.

I felt violated every time someone made a sexual innuendo or hinted to a sexual situation with me.

I felt very uncomfortable when my friends talked about their relationships and getting intimate.

Fuck, I was and still am so scared of intimacy that I barely even hug my more trusted friends, and I only started doing that when I was 20 and felt like I could finally trust the first friend I made into adulthood.

Being a teenager and being told that you’re a late bloomer while you see everyone engage in intimacy and having their first experiences with being in a relationship makes one feel so alienated, I thought I would have to say yes to the first person to ask me out just to get it over with.

Not understanding yourself while making people believe that you ‘totally get why that actor is hot’ and ‘omg of course I kissed before’ for fear of rejection is like adding more confusion to an already unsolvable puzzle. Why did this happen to me?? Why did none of my friends have the same questions as I?? Why was everyone so fucking chill all the time about this when I was anxiously overthinking every single interaction for fear of being too cold or too friendly and hence making the other person believe I was interested in something other than friendship?? Why was I crying to sleep assuming I was unlovable and incapable of loving someone??

Realising that not only your feelings are valid but there’s other people out there who share the same burdens and questions as you feels like being able to breathe again. It’s like waking up from a nightmare where everyone was in on a bit that you just didn’t understand.

I’m still not at peace with myself because I have a lot of internalised bullshit, but being able to understand a part of me, a part that ate at every thought I ever had while growing up feels so good.

I don’t know if I’ll ever have answers to all my questions, and I don’t know if I will ever be ok with the fact that I can be alone without being lonely because right now that seems like fiction to me, but I’m healing and I’m trying and that’s enough for now.

#noodlethoughts #i was thinking about how once I understood i was aroace i started viewing gender and how people can perceive me as a whole other thing #and how it sometimes just doesn’t matter to me what i am #while other times i just don’t want to be perceived as a man nor a woman #and then i started crying thinking about how much easier my highschool years would have been if i had known #not sure if there’s typos but if you see one no you didn’t #asexual #asexuality #aromantic #aromanticism #queer

[spamgyu]

rating and how long i would date svt based on mine and their birth chart bc they the hell not

my sun: scorpio / my moon: aries

(disclaimer this is done in pure fun and based on my interactions/dating history with the signs— dont fight me)

seungcheol — sun: leo / moon: capricorn

7/10 - 9 months

we're both stubborn and tbh i'd probably want to put him in a box and shake it really hard 3 months into dating

also as a scorpio... i am possessive and god........ a leo wanting attention??? from everyone??? god i am not ur strongest soldier

we'd be good for a bit but im crazy so

jeonghan — sun: libra / moon: aquarius

2/10 - 1 week

1 week bc he'll get bored and get the ick

my scorpio ass would love bomb him and he'd be over it after a week

also libras are too independent and just do whatever they want and they run away when someone likes them back so yeah hard pass

joshua — sun: capricorn / moon: taurus

9/10 - honestly maybe a year??? if he wasn't resident ms. bitch maybe i'd marry him...

okay honestly..... caps and taurus are actually a great match for scorps

BUT i have such horrible experiences with capricorns who put their EVERRYTHING first over their significant others and taurus men who ARE SO STUBBORN so...... minus one point

not zodiac sign but he's an only child...... that's too much for me.

jun — sun: gemini / moon: aries

0/10 - 1 day

i would think he's cute and maybe i can get one flirty interaction in.... maybe

when it comes to romantic relationships i stay away from geminis... they are the worst.... AND WITH AN ARIES MOON??

baby ur fine as hell but i might actually throw up bc with my aries moon .... girl if we fight.... yeah no

hoshi — sun: gemini / moon: gemini

-1000000/10 - no

get this man away from me

wonwoo — sun: cancer / moon: leo

3/10 - 3 months

HAHAHAHA

that pretty face disguising how crazy he is

like first of all the worst water sign to ever exist

second of all..... stubborn, passive aggressive, holds grudges.......

it would be good for like 2 months and then we have a fight and it will be the same fight we'll have over and over again bye

we're literally too much alike with our rising except as a scorpio im not AS sensitive idk i think two water signs will just be a fucking mess

woozi — sun: sagittarius / moon: aries

2/10 - 1 month

not just a sag but a sag CUSP?? yeah no

he seems like a great guy friend but no thanks im good luv xoxo

i think we would date for like a month but both of us have horrible commitment issues so...............

seokmin — sun: aquarius / moon: cancer

7/10 - 2 years??

maybe he'll be like a really good match??

idk bc he's an aquarius and they have commitment issues too.... but that cancer moon..... i feel like it would cancel out?? bc cancers are commited??

out of all the signs i have never dated an aquarius but one of my guy friends is an aquarius and he stresses me tf out when it comes to his love life so idk man......

mingyu — sun: aries / moon: pisces

10/10 - married with two kids, a boy and a girl. we just put a downpayment for a house in the hills. we're doing great

i MAY be biased just bc he has a very similar chart to my bf and if u read backburner he uh... he's my easy love.

he's also very much similar to my bf and when i tell you we have only fought once since we started dating......

and idk our sun and moon are at complete opposite so ??? idk guys maybe i'll dm him

anyways....

minghao — sun: scorpio / moon: aquarius

8/10 - not a single chance

8 only bc we may not date but GOD i know he would be that guy i flirt with just for validation LMFAOOOOO

like he got the two signs with commitment issues i know it wont happen

i feel like he would be a fun situationship pure toxicity involved lmfaoooo

anyways that says a lot about me, a scorpio woman

seungkwan — sun: capricorn / moon: virgo

10/10 - probably married to him if he wasn't a top contender for the title of resident ms. bitch

out of all the charts.... i think relationship wise he would be v compatible with me..........

but also i love virgos so ???

but ,...... a capricorn???? idk same issues with shua, ms. bitch and all.

vernon — sun: aquarius / moon: scorpio

4/10 - not a single chance

the way his sun and moon is minghao's but reversed

he'd be fun to like flirt with maybe???? literally same as minghao but he won't be toxic... but also idk??? that scorp moon tells me otherwise

4 only bc i know he and i would be on each other's roster but never date

more of like yeah we kissed when we were drunk but eh...

dino — sun: aquarius / moon: leo

3/10 - no

not a single thing in common

.... at all

the way we wouldn't even look at each other

...... he's fine as hell but lmfaooooo no

we'd be friends who kinda flirt but only bc his sign is very warm to people and kind in general and scorps flirt for fun so i'd take his kindness and just run with it lksfdjsldfjkf

and his leo moon would love the attention but

yeah no.

#all this talk about astrological signs got me thinking #scorps are compatible with cancers but idk.... personally i cant stand cancers #im sorry wonwoo #spamthots

[rylivers]

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

honestly one thing that shocked me a lot when i first got into the tumblr fandom was how many people disliked/hated josh. and honestly, i feel like a lot of people dislike him bc of homophobic reasons lol. like why do you find him so damn annoying? give me a valid reason and *maybe* i'll listen lol

yes there are a couple things he did on the show that annoyed me, but none of it makes me hate him. i like him enough. he's funny sometimes, he's a good friend to maddie, and he's pretty damn good at his job (disregarding how he treated may with the whole claudette thing & how he talked to eddie that one time but that was hilarious to me so i give it a pass).

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

hmm. honestly i am trying to figure out how to word it. i'm all for people headcanoning their faves as whatever they want, but that doesn't mean that that headcanon isn't stupid as fuck to me. like sometimes that goes so far that it's almost as if you didn't watch the same show that i did.

before you come for me, i am literally ace/demisexual myself.

i can understand the demisexual eddie headcanon, but ace eddie just does not make much sense to me at all bc he's shown in the show to be somebody who has enjoyed sex and even sought it out (with shannon) and with ana he defo had a sexual relationship with her at one point. i'm not saying that ace people can't have had sex or can't have sex in general, i am just saying that eddie canonically isn't asexual, and the way some people have written him in fanfics just feels so damn sanitised to me, like they make eddie so damn soft that it's almost unbearable, like he's not the same person at all.

and don't even get me started on fics where buck is the victim and everyone else is mean to him and everybody in the 118 are written way out of character and like they maliciously hurt buck or some shit like that. i hate it. so much.

it's gotten to the point where i haven't touched fanfiction in this fandom in months, if not almost a whole year, with, like, maybe one or two exceptions.

i feel like the fanfiction in this fandom is the worst case of fanon i've ever experienced. i feel like a lot of this fandom is obsessed with purity or whatever, like, even a lot of the smut feels genuinely sanitized to me. where's the actual horniness, where's the desire, why are they acting in a way they never would on the show like. why are they either fucking like wild animalistic rabbits or having such tender sex where they're both crying and its like reading a telenovela version of them like.

also where are the actual fandom freaks? oh right most of them don't bother with this fandom bc they'd just be run off by all the prudes. the most kink this fandom can handle is maybe a teeny tiny bit of choking. if you dare write anything even remotely dark or kinky people turn on you so fast lmao

these are just a few examples i can think of but there's more stuff that bothers me lmao.

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

#well. this is the choose violence ask game so i am not holding back this time #sonnyspeaks

[ethers-moth]

Autistic people with the same special interests (the two of you) are about to have a field day.

So. Repo! The genetic opera. The magnus archives. The Archival Repo!. The Repo! Archives.

Anyway

Shiloh is developing corruption

- bug collector

- not a full blown avatar but is kind of in the Jonathan Sims position to be influenced by a LOT of them

- feeds on Nathan’s anxiety (she thinks it’s her illness, but it’s more likely just dread that he’s a failure of a parent. He is.) (I love him why is he like that)

- 17 has her say “I always longed for true affection, but you compared me to a corpse”, so when she leaves at the end of the movie that signifies her evolution into an avatar (or rejection of it?) bc she is left with nothing but her bugs. We don’t really know

Nathan is either Slaughter or Hunt

- I definitely am more inclined for hunt for Nathan

- the hunting at the beginning and later when he and Shiloh are on the phone he definitely could do it a lot faster and less dramatically

- he definitely enjoys it is my point

- “thankless job” is also a prime example of his feelings on this job and or its moral implications

- obviously he’s unstable too and that influences jt but he kind of reminds me of Daisy Tonner where he’s over the ethical issue mostly

Luigi is definitely slaughter

- there’s not a really a need for question man is violent and angry I feel like there’s no question he shanks and yells and gets half naked for fun.

- his treatment of the gentern bringing coffee is a great example, he had no reason to freak out other than. Being like that. And also bc he can

- that’s about it actually he feeds on subordinates fear of his unforgiving temper it’s pretty CUT and dry

Pavi is. Hmmm. Flesh??

- I’m stuck on this one, however I think flesh fits best

- his face stealing reminds me of specific serial killer behaviors (usually due to parental issues) that involve using others body parts, usually skin (Ed Gein with his skin suit of his mother I think??) though I think his environment is part of why the face thing is a little less wrong in canon. Idk he’s a fucking FREAK okay

- also we never see his actual face so I feel an argument that it’s tied with dysmorphia isn’t unreasonable

- Pavi feeds off of adoration (even if it’s fake) from the Genterns as well as the fear of having your face skinned

- seriously what is wrong with him

- with the Genterns his boisting of “ask a gentern who they prefer” and overtly unacceptable sexual behavior (“my brother and sister should fuck”) feel like someone who wants validation and attention even if it’s not positive attention

Amber is Flesh too

- I think for a different reason from Pavi, she doesn’t have “inferiority” Dysmorphia that I think he has

- instead, I think Ambers behaviors are “superiority” dysmorphia (both terms I made up)

- in Ambers case she’s changing her appearance to cope with a shifting sense of self and strive for perfection caused by her notoriety and never being told no

- Amber feeds off of being desired and seen and is one of the most famous people in the known canon universe, but her blatant jealousy of Mag really depicts her motivation for perfection

- she also feeds herself to graverobber for drugs (deleted song ‘try my new parts’) I don’t care how good their surgical techniques are nobody is healing their hole that fast without hurting themselves somehow

- basically if Pavi is MAG 90 Amber is MAGP 2

Graverobber is End or Buried

- the end is for obvious reasons with corpse robbing and his lack of fear or caution around death @brainvomitintheparkinglot ‘s idea

- for buried, he’s literally a crack dealer

- he basically feeds the entire cities drug supply (trapping them in addiction that is hard to escape)

- the web usually deals with addiction but I don’t think he has manipulative or controlling motivation, he just works the system against other people

(Rottis corporation supplying everyone is the web, graverobber is a chunk of dust caught in it)

- as shown with Amber, he wont supply without money either, hypothetically pushing his clients into further debt (esp if they have geneco loans) AND addiction

- graverobber feeds off of the metaphorical suffocating nature of debt and addiction as mentioned, and well as literal suffocation

- following the drug thread, I will be treating zydrate like Heroin, in the idea it can be a powder or liquid (even though we only see it as a liquid in canon)

- like most painkilling drugs it can be assumed zydrate can induce vomit and therefore asphyxiation OR in the case of a powder that is inhaled, generally that isn’t optimal for breathing

- also graverobber is probably covered in corpse dust and like. Anthrax

Rotti is web (again, thank you @brainvomitintheparkinglot)

- his company owns the entire city (corporatocrocy)

- he literally controls everyone, his money controls his fucked up kids, and the entire system is his

- the rift with Shiloh and Nathan was organized by Rotti, and I feel like Ambers problem with Mag is somehow his fault too

- as far as I know, Mags blindness is never canonically explained, Rotti could easily be responsible like he was with Marni

- Rotti feeds off the obvious, control over everyone. He also is disappointed his kids found ways around his authority, and yet they’re STILL in his web (addicts and also fucked in the head bc of the circumstances he raised them in)

Mag is. The eye

- yeah. This one is the most direct

- I have a headcanon that she can see through cameras (how she found Shiloh) and how she seems to know all about what is happening in Shilohs life

- mag is both a victim and an avatar of the eye, she sees everything going on around her with the people she loves, but all eyes are always on her, trapping her where she is.

- literally had to do a Melanie king except she didn’t escape, the web and the eye often work in opposition in TMA while also being quite similar, she and Rotti much the same.

- “take these eyes I’d rather be blind” is an inadvertent argument with Rottis control of the web, he kills her for it

Lastly, Marni is either End or Desolation

- she’s not actually present in the film

- End is bc she died and yet is still so so important to the plot

-desolation is bc her actions are kind of why everyone in the story has issues

I could make a whole separate post on Rottis fucked up crack zydrate addicted kids

#repo! the genetic opera #repo!tgo #TMA #the magnus archives #r!tgo #tma entities #smirkes 14 #tma au #is this actuslly an AU this could have happened in canon

[swordsandspectacles]

Having some thoughts about Aura’s hair and hair length through the years.

So like. Absolutely unrealistically long in the cuckoo era, I have had hair approaching this length and I know what a pain in the ass to have.

Consider however:

- I like it

- messing with your hair is a great way to NOT go stir crazy if you have a lot of time to yourself.

Aura had some mixed feelings about the hair- pride in that it’s something she knows how to maintain, frustration at all the maintenance required.

Post first escape, it gets braided/put in a bun/pinned up like. 85% of the time. Maybe she’d pull the whole shebang out and aquaint herself with a straightener for Halloween, but other than that it’s out of the way- though she refuses to cut it.

How does it work with the sidestep suit? POORLY next question-

(Seriously though. Can’t have it outside the suit bc identifiable + grabbable … but shoving your hair down the back of your shirt isn’t it either.)

Mixed feelings about the hair aside… obviously, having your head shaved is fucking miserable.

When it’s growing out post-escape she fucking hates it, has NO clue how to style it (‘shove that shit in a braid, comb your fringe and let gravity do the work’ is a valid stylising method).

Logically she knows ‘frequent trims will help the hair grow healthy’ but she cannot bring herself to cut it, so it winds up sorta- scraggly. It’s too short to effectively braid, so she throws it in a ponytail if she does anything, which she doesn’t really like.

I 100% don’t think Aura’s connected her own feelings about her hair to her choice to give Maneater a fucking mane of jellyfish-tendril looking nonsense. Like if you pointed it out to her she’d go “oh you motherfucker that’s brilliant, I’m so good, goddamn-“ but in reality/internally it’s “what the hell how do you do that unintentionally aura what the fuck-“

Anyway. That’s enough of that. Maybe I’ll do similar for Melly. Matty isn’t getting one that man ruffles his hair in the morning and goes ‘eh good enough’ and only cuts it once it gets in his eyes.

Also yeah I drew these at like 3 am but auras expressions are fun to exaggerate a bit

#the sketches are blue because it was 3 am #the ink block look is because it’s fun #fhr sidrstep #sidestep fallen hero #aura cross #sadbh art #fallen hero #fhr

[courtrecord]

On twitter sometime ago you described your writing habits as something similar to my own (slow, tedious, perfectionist, compulsive, agonizing over getting the words perfect instead of editing later, etc) And you also wrote a lot of dope things like Galactic 2E and Venture that are I hope you dont mind me saying, deeply inspirational. So coming from someone who hasnt Gotten There yet I have to ask, how do you get yourself to get up and just write the damn thing already?

omg thank u so much, that means more than i can possibly say. i wish i had a better set of advice but honestly so much of my creative work is vibes and hyperfixation based, and every time i finish something i look back on it like “how the fuck did i do that”, but here are the things that work for me. they are very much based on my own particular adhd and writing hangups so ur mileage will definitely vary.

start small: i didn’t start writing ttrpgs with big projects like venture & g2e. i started with a 200 word game, then some one-pagers, then kept growing from there. @jdragsky has talked a lot about the importance of building the skill of finishing things, and small projects are a really good way of doing that. hell, even g2e only exists bc i started with the smaller project of galactic, then went back to it a year later to build on it again.

share as u go: when i started working on bigger games, and this year as i’ve been working on longer fics, friends to share screenshots of my wip have been invaluable. that way i can get the immediate validation of someone reading my thing and giving feedback without feeling like i need to Publish it yet. biggest shoutout in the world to my friends who tolerate my writing nonsense.

write in chunks: this is kind of the combination of those first two points. bob games are big piles of little lists. i tend to write fic in short, impactful scenes. i have a wip that’s an sbr game, which is a big pile of little advances. that way, i am constantly getting that feeling of accomplishment when i write something. i can agonize over word choice and vibes and editing but then i actually get to a stopping point, where i like that little bit enough to move on to the next one. it seems crazy looking back that i wrote 36 places & 36 traits for g2e, but i didn’t just sit down and knock them all out. i wrote a few, sent them to some friends, then i wrote a few more. u know?

don’t force it: sometimes, the vibe just isn’t there. sometimes, u spend a year doing barely any writing or game design bc there’s a pandemic and ur brain doesn’t work anymore. etc. i’ve thought a lot the past few years about the difference btwn the feeling of wanting to write bc i want to write the thing, and the feeling of wanting to write bc i like the idea of being the person who wrote the thing. when i realize i’m in that second mindset, i go and think about something else. bc no good writing comes from that (at least ime)

find what u like: this is kinda related to the one above, but it’s another thing i’ve been thinking about lately. i spent a lot of time when i was younger assuming that bc i like writing, i had to write a novel, bc that’s what writers do. i would try to follow writing advice made for people who simply aren’t me. “writers must learn to use description sparingly” lol way ahead of u. that kinda thing. realizing that i love writing fanfiction for its transformativity, and i love writing dialogue bc it’s what i’m good at, was a huge revelation. i can just do that. i don’t have to follow the regular writer mold when i can just write really fucking good dialogue-heavy fanfiction. and in that realization, i’ve been able to grow as a writer by gaining the ability to write things down that i’m happy with, and grow from there.

prescription adderall: i told u this list was a mess. this one has kinda been crucial for me. i realized i had adhd in my first year of college in 2017 and started taking adderall for my second year of college in mid-2018. i started churning out creative projects in 2019. coincidence? absolutely not oh my god are u kidding

#<333 #i can’t figure out how to put a ‘read more’ thing in on mobile but this isn’t like.. That long right? it’s fine #writing #bumbleeaintme #look people talk to me