#genuinely feel quite volatile about it actually

[wiltkingart]

admit it - you thought i wouldn't come back, gwynbleidd

#wanted to do a part 2 as well but i zoned in way too hard on this and i. need to lay down #i'll be back.. 🧍‍♂️(threat) #the witcher #the witcher 2 #tw2 #iorveth #geralt #video games #fanart #digital #original art #endlessly thinking about how well that armor set compliments iorveth's design #genuinely feel quite volatile about it actually

[momentomori24]

Surprisingly, hearing Vox and Val technically (I love how technically needed to be added) aren't dating didn't upset me as much as I thought it would. It did... for like a minute until I thought about how painfully much it fits them.

Val throws tantrums and is ready go out and kill people to let off steam, but decides to stay put in his room and sulk instead while he waits for his flat-faced prince to come and comfort him before he does anything drastic. He's killed and abused people for the slightest hint of non-compliance, which he sees as giving him an attitude or questioning his authority, but he doesn't so much as flinch when Vox raises his voice and starts shaking him in frustration more than once. He doesn't lash out or get angry when Vox tries to talk him out of marching towards the hotel, but instead listens to his points and takes his words to heart even when they weren't what he wanted to hear. He's not interested in Alastor, but is willing to sit through watching the extermination broadcast because Vox is a passionate football dad about his one-sided rival getting dunked on. He doesn't even act jealous towards Vox's obsession, just weirdly amused and supportive even tho he hates not being the center of attention any other times. And then there's Vox, who acts like he's annoyed to have to put up with Valentino but still does it anyway. He acts disinterested about Val's ranting over Angel until he hears that Angel might've quit because he's an jealous, insecure loser that wants that mf's attention to himself. He lights his cigarette and decides to call up their lowest earners for him to terrorize without being asked just to lighten his mood a little (unrelated but i feel for their employees). He keeps his eyes on him both in his room and when he's at the pub through the cameras he's got everywhere. He takes his hand like one would with a princess and smiles fondly at him before disappearing when noticing they're being watched. He's the only person that Val trusts enough to calm him down when his temper gets the better of him. And Val-- despite his volatile temper and obnoxious quirks-- is someone he respects and cares about, both as his business associate and romantic partner.

And they aren't dating. Val and Vox clearly have a connection and understanding and attraction yet are unable to confront those feelings in fear of being vulnerable. So they aren't dating. Val obsesses over Angel and Vox obsesses over Alastor to distract themselves of the other only to fall back into each other's arms at the end of the day. Even tho they aren't dating. They celebrate, dance, sing, support and shamelessly make out with each other. They're the only ones that would put up with each other's bullshit no matter what-- but for some reason, they're still not dating. They are two of the worst Overlords in Hell, capable of committing so many despicable acts and jumping to immoral tactics for their own gain without any regrets, but opening that door into genuine emotional vulnerability? Acknowledging their softness for each other? That's where they draw the line. They're clearly made for each other, but neither of them dare to step over that line to commit to something more.

Which means that we could get to actually see these changes take place. We could get to see more sides to these two we still haven't seen before. We could get to see them actually start dating and the complicated journey it took to get there. We could get to scream and kick and seeth as these two morons continue to dance around admitting their very much requited romantic feelings for every stupid reason under the sun episode after episode. We could get to see these two fix each other and make each other worse simultaneously. Mostly make each other worse. We could get to see them have a romantic duet. We could get to see them be happy together-- officially together-- while they make life worse for everyone around them.

All this mumbo-jumbo, sleep-deprived ranting will likely not happen, but the potential character growth, the dynamic development, the resolved romantic tension, the SONGS we could get??? I'm clinging onto this hope for dear life until it's ripped from my cold, dead hands.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #voxval #staticmoth #only a few things make me giddier than two horrible men being less horrible when they're together #two businessmen who keep their hearts behind lock and key and refuse to acknowledge that they might actually be in love #whose actions speak louder than words even when they don't want them to #this is absolutely fueled by the bad liars comic by lola summer and how it portrayed their dynamic btw #and by the valentino animatic as well #case in point i really want some tender moments between these two and the vees in general #like please #viv please #not brushing this up have my incoherent rambling about these two in its purest form #i'm frothing at the mouth over these two and you're going to suffer through this mess with me #shoutout to all the staticmoth shippers that used viv's confirmation about them not dating to make themselves stronger you guys are awesome #momento rambles

[linmeiwei]

Do you really think Darcy and Elizabeth would be happy together? It's one thing to not care if an insufferable aunt doesn't like your bride, but it's very different when friends and peers start treating him like an idiot for marrying an unimportant and "tolerable" country girl. Also when he realizes that Georgiana will not be getting the same suitors that he would expect.

That's why I think their marriage is not going to be all that. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe Darcy would start being cruel or disrespectful to Elizabeth like Mr Bennet was to his wife. But to continue happily married? I don't think so.

Oh I strongly disagree! I think Darcy and Elizabeth would be extremely happy in marriage.

As to the social consequences of his marrying a tolerable country girl, I'm not convinced that they would be so dire. The Bennets' ruin was averted through Lydia's marriage, I'm not sure it would be talked about much in the wider world. More to the point, he has a powerful family in whose interest it would be, once the Darcy/Elizabeth marriage happened, to make sure Elizabeth was accepted in all the right circles. They'd likely ensure that Lady C didn't do or say anything to spoil the family's standing. We know from some hints in the novel itself that, once push comes to shove, even those who don't like Elizabeth and may know something of the Wickham fiasco, are too afraid to lose the privilege of friendship with Darcy to continue being a nuisance about it (e.g. Caroline Bingley).

We also know that Elizabeth isn't really only tolerable. She's charming, attractive and clever. I genuinely think that she'd actually make quite a hit once let loose in Darcy's world.

Finally, there's Darcy himself. I'm conscious that people interpret his character very differently to me (e.g. they think he's shy or anxious or on the spectrum) so this is very much my interpretation but… going by some of the descriptions we have of his character, he just doesn't seem like the sort of guy to let himself be swayed much by popular opinion. E.g. in this bit, which takes place in Netherfield, when Darcy and Bingley discuss each other's character traits (paraphrasing):

Darcy: When you told Mrs. Bennet this morning, that if you ever resolved on quitting Netherfield you should be gone in five minutes, you meant it to be a sort of panegyric, of compliment to yourself […] but I am by no means convinced that you would be gone with such celerity. Your conduct would be quite as dependent on chance as that of any man I know; and if, as you were mounting your horse, a friend were to say, ‘Bingley, you had better stay till next week,’ you would probably do it—you would probably not go—and, at another word, might stay a month.

Elizabeth: You have only proved by this that Mr. Bingley did not do justice to his own disposition. You have shown him off now much more than he did himself.

Bingley: I am afraid you are giving it a turn which that gentleman did by no means intend; for he would certainly think the better of me if, under such a circumstance, I were to give a flat denial, and ride off as fast as I could.

In another conversation, he says himself that "[his] feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them."

He's just not a volatile sort of guy. He knows his own mind, he knows Elizabeth's merits, and (for all his faults) he's the sort of strong type A that would see it as his responsibiltiy to captain his ship out of any storm rather than abandon it or feel annoyed with it for having got into a storm.

I honestly struggle trying to imagine any set of events that would be at all likely, in which these two were anything other than deeply in love, delighted in each other’s company and devoted to one another.

#jane austen #pride and prejudice #mr darcy #elizabeth bennet

[appendectomy]

the house/cuddy relationship is also so interesting because a big part of the essence of 'doom' that the writers give their relationship is also based in direct comparison to the not-doomed-ness of house/wilson. there are so many moments where it feels to me that the writers are grabbing me by the shoulders, shaking me and going 'look!!! look at them and compare them look at how different these two dynamics are'.

one of the most obvious examples of this is in 7x09 when house is trying to get out of hanging out with wilson and going to cuddy's birthday dinner at the same time. cuddy outright asks 'you have to choose one of us,' and house replies 'i choose wilson'. apart from making me giggle, these lines also serve the very obvious purpose of not just being about where house would prefer to spend a thursday evening. it's quite blatant foreshadowing about the fact that, at the end of everything, house always prefers to choose wilson and is more capable of being there for him than he is for anyone else, including romantic partners and especially including cuddy.

the next big example of this that struck me is in 7x15 when cuddy is in surgery. this is an almost word-for-word recreation of the scenario in 6x10 where wilson went into surgery. they both want house to be there, and house struggles to show up both times. we even get this wonderful visual parallel between the two, which is something i've noticed has been talked about a little by other people on here, and so is definitely something I imagine the writers thought about too. with 6x10:

and 7x15:

the key difference between these two situations is house being sober in one, and on drugs in the other. house can be there for wilson and emotionally support him while also being sober, but he cannot do the same for cuddy. this comparison i think is such a clear communication that not only is house's relationship with wilson easier for house to maintain than his relationship with cuddy, but that it is also better for him mentally. with wilson, there isn't an anxiety that he isn't good enough for him the way there is with cuddy, and this just fundamentally fosters a better environment for him as an addict.

this says a lot about house/wilson, but it also says a lot about house's approach to romance versus friendship in general. he places so much more importance on the emotional challenges of a romantic relationship than he does platonic. he spends the whole episode of 7x15 practically agonising over wether cuddy will be ok or not, whereas he spends most of 6x10 telling wilson he's an idiot. he seems to doom himself in romantic relationships by creating so much of his own anxiety: he worries about getting it right, being the man cuddy needs him to be, doing what a good partner should, and it causes him to be unable to actually perform any of these actions without the crutch of being high. this in turn underminines the genuineness of any attempt to be better that he makes in cuddy's eyes. i don't think any of the emotional demands cuddy makes of house are unreasonable at all, but because house is such an emotionally stunted and volatile person he can't approach the very normal expectations of a romantic relationship in any sort of healthy way. the only relationships he can maintain are unconventional ones that don't have these expectations, like his friendship with wilson.

the next example, and the one that is most likely a little bit of a reach, is also in 7x15, specifically in the few dream sequences cuddy has that feature wilson. in the first, she imagines house and wilson as rachel's adoptive fathers (which i've already written a little bit about here if you're interested). then she has another dream set in a black-and-white 50s sitcom where she is the breadwinner, house is the housewife, and wilson is the mailman/milkman (not completely sure which of these he is, but he's definitely one of them). in both of these situations, wilson is the proverbial 'other woman': he takes the place of house's domestic partner in one of the dreams, and in the other he's the mailman/milkman to house's housewife, which traditionally in media is a comedic character pairing that involves the housewife cheating on her working husband with the mailman/milkman. i doubt this symbolism is really that intentional, and i don't think that it's meant to imply any sort of genuine romantic coding between house and wilson, it's probably just a couple of early 2000s gay jokes. but if you critically look at these instances, you can begin to extrapolate a sense that in house's romantic relationships, wilson is always hovering in the background. wilson is always the proverbial 'other woman', someone who's relationship with house is just as important and very likely also easier to maintain for house, just as the inverse is true for wilson as established by testimony from his ex-wife bonnie. i mainly think this inclusion of wilson in these dreams and the deliberate role he plays just serves to remind the viewer that while house and cuddy's relationship is rocky and uncertain, house and wilson's is pretty much constant and inevitable.

the last comment i have on this is about the scene in 7x23 where house crashes his car into cuddy's home. i think you can pretty easily compare wilson and cuddy situationally in this scene: house is putting cuddy in immense danger (though not actually intending on hurting her), whereas in comparison he yells at wilson to get out of the car before he does it. to me, there's an obvious difference there - a deliberate effort to endanger a person vs a deliberate effort to remove a person from danger. and in both instances, house is intentionally causing the danger. it very strikingly reminded me of the scene in 3x07 where house tells wilson to get out of their hotel room before he does something that could incriminate wilson. he specifically tells wilson 'maybe i don't wanna push this til it breaks' in regard to their friendship. house is very cognizant of not pushing wilson away completey, not squandering their relationship once and for all with his dangerous behaviour. but with cuddy, he gets to a point where he actively burns the bridge. the difference to me is sad and clear: house is willing and able to maintain his relationship with wilson. he is not willing and able to maintain his relationship with cuddy. and by comparing the two, each dynamic becomes clearer.

#house md #um.. hiii :)

[cinnamonest]

Ever since i saw your whiney darling stuff i fell in love! Please tell us more! Maybe like how some characters would react to a really mean bitchy darling who always fights them! Or a rlly whiney prissy girl, like one of those entitled brat darlings, maybe for kazuha or childe where she thinks their whole life style is too gross for her

Ohhhh noooo those two would be so awful, albeit for different reasons... also making note of a few others worth mentioning for this concept

Kazuha is a better fit initially, but becomes progressively more frightening, whereas Childe is just an absolute menace overall. Childe finds your brattiness cute, at least for a while. He goes out of his way to provoke you and mess with you, especially anything that gets squeals and panic out of you. For example, if you're grossed out by blood and keep complaining about his tendency to come home practically caked with it or freak out when he tries to touch you with it all over his hands, he makes sure to do so to a greater extent, just for you! He's basically just awful because he'll pick at the things you dislike and actively do anything he can to upset you because it's just so cute.

That being said, he himself is picky about your behaviors in the sense of timing. He wants you to be all pouty and upset, but only when he wants it. Like, he'll do something to mess with you and get your reaction one minute, but now he's done with that, moving on, and wants you to be all affectionate and... you're not. What do you mean, you're still upset about what he did 5 minutes ago? Now this is a problem, he's supposed to be able to just sort of shift your moods around like a light switch. He doesn't want you to be irked anymore, he wants you to be happy and nice now so why are you mad and not immediately conforming to what he wills you to feel like at any given second? Unbelievable.

Kazuha on the other hand... he manages very well, in terms of his own emotional regulation, and he's better at first than Childe because he's accommodating, tries his best to please you. He doesn't get outwardly angry or loud or volatile, no, he handles it the same way he does everything, with a soft smile on his face that's starting to seem a bit eerie the more you complain and the quieter and more twitchy he gets. He can actually take quite a bit of your abuse with a soft smile on his face, only trying to gently dissuade you. Hey, now, let's be reasonable..., or it's not so bad, see?, or don't worry, we can stop and rest soon, so on and so on... for a while. He has his limits.

Something you do eventually pushes him over the edge. His smile doesn't drop, but you'll just be whining and complaining and all of a sudden his hand is around your throat with a crushing, asphyxiating grip.

Hey... let's try to be more positive for a little bit, okay? Can you do that for me?

The intensity of your windpipe being crushed is so unmatched with his pleasant expression and soft tone that it leaves you reeling. But he's waiting on an answer, and you find yourself frantically nodding your head so he'll let go. Needless to say it keeps you quiet and well-behaved for a while. Until you inevitably act out again, leading him to another slow build-up of frustration until you get him to snap again, and next time might be a little more aggressive.

Also worth mentioning: there's another tier of being a bad fit, but in a different sort of way: Kaveh, Thoma, Chongyun and Bennett. All four poor things try so hard to bend to your every whim and are so desperate to make you happy that they'd wear themselves ragged trying to fix anything you whine about. Problem is that if that's just your nature, eventually it's going to reach a point where they get genuinely depressed and discouraged. At the very least, Thoma can probably accommodate your tastes a bit given that he's living on a very nice estate, and Chongyun can sometimes get a certain friend to donate some funds for him to use to make you happy, but the other two are screwed. Kaveh doesn't exactly have a lot of spending money, and even on the rare occasion Bennett finds a chest that has actual mora in it, something always goes wrong with trying to buy you something. So you'll just have to live with their frugal lifestyles... please, they'll get hurt if you're too mean about it, and can you really live with yourself knowing you've made them sad? Could you really look into those eyes and be mean?

Diluc is somewhere in the middle actually, but leaning more towards a good fit simply because he has the resources. He does have a disdain for snobbish behavior on your part, but to be honest, he quickly realizes that just giving you what you want is far easier than trying to reason with you, and he actually has the means to do so, so, he thus ends up admittedly often just giving in. Less whining that way, and frankly, whining irks him very quickly. Oh, and not to mention, he gives in easily because he still holds out hope that tending to and appeasing your pickiness will hopefully endear him to you, and he's desperate for anything that can accomplish that. One could argue this makes him both a good and bad fit for such an individual -- good in the sense that he can fulfill your desires, but bad because by doing so, he's just making your spoiled tendencies that much worse.

Xingqiu is primarily difficult because frankly, you having brat tendencies makes you two of a kind. As much as he tries to maintain his chivalrous humble aura, as always, that chivalry thing tends to suddenly dissipate when he starts not getting his way. And when that happens, you'll find he can be incredibly stubborn.  And when you're stubborn and picky and he's stubborn and picky you two are going to reach an impasse very quickly. Because he wants to do this, go here, eat this, get up and go to bed at this time and have you wear this and do this thing together, but what you want is totally different from everything he wants, and that's an issue. Obviously, logically the less important opinion (yours) should be the one that gets overridden, but you seem pretty reluctant to agree. Truly baffling.

He's pretty pushy about it, but with a smile and pleasant demeanor, trying to maintain the charismatic image of himself he likes to exude. After a while, though, you can whittle him down further and further to the point that he snaps and his spoiled rich child side comes out in full force, but only for a few seconds before he catches himself and corrects it. Only now, he's even more irritated at you for making him do that, treats it as if you actively committed some transgression against him.

And lastly, Albedo is also one that can't really be categorized as good or bad -- he's technically good at dealing with it, but in such a way that is very bad for your sake. He's definitely the most humiliating to deal with, and he nips the brat behavior in the bud very quickly. He doesn't get angry very easily, he stays calm and collected even if you throw tantrums and get furious. Eventually, after enough of him silently taking your complaining, he finally speaks.

Mm. Alright then.

You don't like the tone he uses, and it's ominous foreboding of what's to come.

Basically, he takes the route of malicious compliance. You complain about his presence, and you find yourself being dumped outside the front door in the freezing cold.

Well, you did say you didn't want to spend another second with me in the room, so I suppose you'll have to wait out here. Unless you'd like me to let you back in.

Complain about food? Alright, then you can just not eat. Complain about sleeping in the same bed? Have fun on the floor with no blankets, at least until you nicely ask to be allowed back in bed. Complain that he keeps staring at you when he's fucking you? You can be flipped onto your front side and get choked and railed from behind instead. Complain about the clothes he gives you? Okay, you can have none.

Basically he's a little bastard about it, but the most infuriating part is that it works, and very quickly too. You inevitably find yourself watching your tongue more often, and complaining less, and being more submissive. But if it gets to where you're a little bit too compliant, he might start going out of his way to do subtle little things to pull some more bratty outbursts out of you... after all, said outbursts are cute, so he doesn't want them to disappear completely, and your teary eyes and humiliation later on is even cuter.

#kzha getting pushed over the edge by darling is like that meme thats like #'you have to ask yourself 'what am i willing to put up with today?' well not fucking THIS'

[bowerywilliam]

you know what annoys me of the taylor swift album release cycle? the incessant, unnecessary comments the general public and even some people in the fandom make about how taylor "always victimises herself for no reason", or how she "loves to play the victim when she's just a rich popstar without real problems", and more recently that she "shouldn't use words like intrusive thoughts, trauma, and emotional abuse to talk about what's happened to her or her experiences with anxiety because she doesn't know what that's like". it fucking infuriates me.

taylor swift acts and writes like a victim because, quite simply, she's been made one, point black, end of the sentence. she should be allowed to write about her experiences with abuse, any type of abuse from any source, without people deciding for her if it was actually abusive or traumatic, or policing her choice of coping mechanism.

people's unwillingness to accept and acknowledge much of what taylor has gone through during her career as abuse and trauma is baffling to me because i honestly can't think of a term that describes it better.

she has been made fun of and ridiculised by the media since she was a child for doing things children and teenagers do (be naive about love, write about boys, go on dates, dress age appropriate), she's been slut shamed by everyone on the internet for dating a less than average amount, she's gone through public humiliation on a mass scale twice now (the first one when she was just nineteen) by a much older, well respected, established male artist, she has been abused by men both professionally and emotionally, she was made an example of what girls ought not to do or be lest you end up just like her, she's been isolated since childhood because she never felt she fit in with the rest.

she's gone through all of those things while at the same time being gaslighted (and i'm using this word in its original clinical meaning and not the internet meme one) into thinking none of that was as bad as she's making it out to be and she ended up okay so it can't have caused her real trauma because nothing happened, it was all fine and a joke. these are things we recognise as hurtful, abusive, and traumatic in other people but as soon as they're experienced by someone who copes with it through writing music she then sells for a profit then suddenly it's not and she's exaggerating it for attention.

she talks about herself in the same hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant, anxious way victims of abuse and survivors of high stress situations do and that's why her music resonates with so many of us who have been abused in the past as well, because she's putting into words things we experience on the daily and i genuinely don't think it's because she wants to. no one wants to go through those things and then go through a new cycle of humiliation every time you talk about your experiences just to make a few dollars.

it's maddening that the attitude most people take when discussing her trauma is to minimise it or straight up deny it because she was able to transform some of that pain into a #1 single

i don't ask people to sympathise or feel bad about her but to accept that we have agreed that online bullying and dog piling on a mass scale is abusive and traumatic, that women being taken advantage of by the male superiors is traumatic, that women being slut shamed for enjoying their sexuality is abusive and traumatic, that being in relationships where your partner is volatile is traumatic, that being coerced and manipulated into relationships with older men is abusive, that being retaliated against in public after revealing you were sexually assaulted is traumatic; so why should none of that apply to her? why is she not allowed to be vocal about being in all those situations without someone telling her she's not gone through actual trauma? why does everyone gets to decide for her whether or not she's actually been abused and if she can or cannot claim victimhood?

accepting taylor's abuse and her victimhood does nothing to take away from yours or that of others. accepting that she's allowed and entitled to discuss her experiences doesn't silence you. you don't have to like her but to dismiss her is disrespectful because when you do that you're not only dismissing her own experiences with abuse and trauma, but that of people in similar situations who empathise and identify with her.

TL;DR: taylor doesn't write about being a victim nearly as much as the people trying to discredit her work say she does, but if she did she would be entirely justified in it because she has been in a lot of situations where she's been victimised and abused by people who knew what they were doing to her and you don't get to decide if she was sufficiently traumatised by them or not. recognising taylor's experience with abuse does nothing to minimise or invalidate yours, two people can be abused in two different ways and doesn't mean one is less entitled to compassion. it's not a competition.

#turning off my anons in a minute because i know this post is gonna ruffle some feathers and i do not want to make it seem like any of what #i said here is up for discussion or debate. it's not. these are all facts and if you feel the need to debate facts then that's on you #everyone is up for believing and supporting victims until the victim is a successful woman who was able to turn the situation on its head #i am just so tired of people refusing to accept her experiences for what they are just because she's successful and rich #anyway....

[awakentheeldritchabomination]

First Random Writing Dump

CW: mentions of self harm and emotional abuse

As decreed by the poll, most of ya’ll seem fine with a little bit of word vomit, and since I have some time, I’m just gonna spew a bit of my thoughts on my version of Charlie so far. It won’t be much, just a jumbled list of rough ideas. I don’t know how set I am with these, but here goes:

- They may or may not be renamed

- They use they/them pronouns but don’t correct people who misgender them; they find gender to be an odd concept, and they can’t quite grasp why people care so much about it

- They know a lot about human history but have not personally interacted with many people beyond what is necessary (until later)

- Their capacity to empathize with the plight of humans comes from guilt, their mother, who is still going to be Lilith… maybe…., a horrific chance encounter, and their relationship with V (gotta pick a name for her lol)

- Still, growing up in a privileged position largely removed from the sinners’ reality while being surrounded by reminders that these people invited suffering through their own wickedness has given them this sense of innate superiority; they are semi-aware of the fact that their elitist mindset exists and is not…great…but they prefer to bury it under toxic positivity and pretend it’s not an issue

- They have been trained to fight (heaven and hell are still basically at war, after all), but they’ve never had a real battle, and they’ve certainly never killed anyone before; the weight of dealing death terrifies and paralyzes them

- They are aware of what they are, and they deeply fear what they are capable of

- They are not very well acquainted with their demonic form, and they’d rather not be; it’s often triggered by ugly feelings they don’t want to confront

- Yeah, they’ve got some things going on deep down. Beneath the sunshine and rainbows and genuinely good intentions, there’s this raw, wriggling darkness, gnawing on their insides like maggots; they don’t know why

- Spoilers: it’s the manipulation and emotional abuse Lucifer subjected them to as well as the resentment harbored against both parents for deciding to bring a child into a realm meant as an eternal torture chamber for evil people; they don’t consciously recognize the abuse they experienced because of strategic subtly, gaslighting, and isolation from other experiences. Both they and Lilith know something about Lucifer is off, and it creates this eerie, underlying fear that permeates every interaction, yet neither of them know how bad it actually is; Also Lilith likes to make excuses just like: “Oh, don’t be like that. He’s just doing whatever coz he loves you :)”

- Their warring sides will come to a head; the anger inside them will boil over, and they will be a terror

- Lucifer cuts them off after a falling out that occurs because of the hotel proposal; they will only be accepted back once they’ve “come to their senses”

- Charlie and Alastor have a weird relationship; they’ve got this yin-yang, mirrored image thing going on; they:

1. Are both biracial and are torn between different worlds

2. Have distanced themselves from one (their blackness. Yeah, Charlie is technically half black. But it’s a little more about their relation to the whole of humanity for them), but while one is actively trying to seek it out, the other has been conditioned to avoid it

3. Are performers (which will play a role in discussions of identity, y’know, what it means to perform an aspect of identity; what is whiteness vs blackness; queerness vs heteronormative ideals; how we generally define them and individually express them. But it’s also just “hey, we both like doing a thing. Oh, wow. Neat.”)

4. Have a volatile amount of anger that makes them violently lash out

5. Have strictly opposing yet similarly extreme moral principles

this will also be present in their designs (they have opposing coloration: blue vs red, white on black vs black on white, etc.); then there’s the wolf vs deer thing… I feel like I’d need a separate post to go through all that. I feel like this is already a lot lol

- They kinda feel conflicted about being friends with Al because he allows them to cut loose a bit and have fun, and they weirdly enough have a bit in common….but like…. dude ate people…..uhhhhhhh (does that make them a bad person if they like a literal murderer?), but then they think “I’m not supposed to judge. I’m supposed to help (and I’m totally fine….right….?). Meanwhile, V’s just like, “No, babe, please judge”

- They don’t like absolute silence, and they don’t like being alone; it allows their mind to wander into dangerous places; since Alastor is a literal radio that spits out music and static constantly, they sometimes just seek him out when their thoughts are too loud. Like, he just becomes a sentient noise machine for them basically

- Charlie’s got a habit of chewing on things when they’re nervous—pens, the inside of their cheek, their nails—coz dog (or….wolf….dragon….thingy); it’s usually harmless, but when they feel especially bad, they bite themselves (sometimes they bite the stuffing out of pillows as a substitute); when they start to more aggressively gnaw on their nails, V usually tries to guide their hand away

- They hide under the bed when they are feeling particularly miserable and anxious

There’s a lot more crap brewing, and I didn’t go into as much detail as I could have…. But I think that’s enough for maybe the week idk. If anyone’s at all curious, I might make another post about V or something.

Leave thoughts in the notes if you wanna!

#hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel redesign #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel rewrite #charlie redesign #hazbin charlie redesign #Hazbin Charlie rewrite

[heinzpilsner]

(Writing this instead of watching a new trailer for the live action, because my timing is perfect as ever!)

...Anyway, here's a proper "smart and serious"™ remake of my "mixed signals zutara Southern Raiders" post (because my own poor choice of terminology I'm talking about you Sexual Frustration didn't sit quite well with me). Also, I realized some new things. And I'm a perfectionist of sorts! So, yep.

Let's analyze Zuko's and Katara's heated confrontation in the first half properly.

What Zuko actually said:

"Everyone else seems to trust me now! What is it with you? ... What can I do to make it up to you?"

What Katara heard:

- Zuko doesn't differenciate Katara from all the other group members -> he doesn't think much about their intimate connection in Ba Sing Se;

- He doesn't realise the implications of what his betrayal meant in the context of the said connection (i.e., he's either a callous liar who never really cared about her grief or a volatile person who can change his mind way too easily and hence can't be trusted);

- After hearing her out, he offered to make up for his betrayal, but did not apologize for his insensitivity. He still don't get it, the idiot!

(Was he hesitant to approach this topic directly with Katara being so furious, or genuinely just didn't get it? I wonder. He sounds like a person unaffected by the catacombs, but clearly doesn't act like one. Almost as if he was affected, but never realized the extent by which Katara was affected as well).

What Katara actually said to Zuko:

"Everyone trusts you? I was the first person to trust you! Back in Ba Sing Se. You betrayed me and all of us! ... You could reconquer Ba Sing Se, or you could bring my mother back!"

What she was implying:

- She was personally hurt by his betrayal ("Everyone else"?! She was (is) not just "everyone else" for him!);

- Either she's using the "bringing back the dead mother" idea only as another metaphor of impossibility of their reconciliation, or, as Zuko suspected, this also implies that her anger at him is somehow connected to the topic.

There are two possible readings of Katara's slip of the tongue though:

1) Zuko's dense hypothesis: Katara simply projects on him her hatred for the Fire Nation and Yon Rha specifically;

2) Romantic hypothesis (which recontextualizes the whole dialogue in retrospect): Zuko's and Katara's connection in Ba Sing Se was based on the shared trauma of their lost mothers. So, this (in the light of the future events) is just another hint that Katara is hurt by Zuko's insensitivity. It signals she still have feelings for him, which in some measure fuels Katara's fury. This interpretation is supported by heavy romantic framing of the scene (Katara's physical agression adds a hint of sexuality to the mix as well, implying a suppressed desire to touch. It's no more than my speculation though, but usually, when I see a "shoulder check" trop in media, it occurs between two guys in the middle of some school, not between an angry girl and a sad boy under the full moon, you know).

Now, the funny thing. Previously, the second half of the episode didn't make much sense to me after the first one, because I saw those two hypotheses as incompatible within the same narrative logic. But just now, I found a different in-universe logical explanation for such a conclusion.

You see, Zuko's dense reading implies what from the start he saw the whole "facing Yon Rha" business as an attempt to redirect Katara's hate/anger from him onto it's "right" sourse. "Better him than me" logic, I guess. (Gosh, Zuko, not so selfless!)

They go with the plan based on the Zuko's interpretation, and Katara forgives him as a result, which means his reading of the situation was the only correct one, right? Wrong!

Because for once, Zuko was lucky. He didn't really voice his reasons out loud to Katara, and she decided that his primary motivation was lying elsewhere.

Namely, that he finally understood the imortance of their connection in Ba Sing Se and wanted to show her he did sincerely care about her grief (He was also lucky it kinda was the truth. Just... not the whole truth, you know).

(Btw, acknowledging Katara's hurt feelings is the only thing that could turn Zuko's "I waited out here all night" stunt from creepy and inappropriate into more or less okay in her eyes in retrospect, so... Yep. Another evidence for this hypothesis.)

So, while Zuko saw this trip as an attempt to manage Katara's hatred (and what an awful idea it was, but that's not the point now), Katara herself saw it as a test for Zuko's sincerity (which he passed).

And, I guess, as a happy result of this little miscommunication (and despite the crying unhealthiness of the whole "facing Yon Rha" idea), Katara was finally able to forgive him, yay!

(Do not try this at home though, boys and girls. I'm serious, those kids need their therapy.)

... The only problem though is what this miscommunication wasn't exactly addressed openly in the show itself. It's kinda just here, in the middle of the whole "to kill or not to kill" mess, and I had to strain my brain really hard to come to this conclusion (but I'm not really a smart person, after all). Still, this is the only reading of events what turns the episode's narrative into something that feels logical and consistent to me, you know.

But... After such a heavy romantic framing in the beginning (I mean, "What's with her? What's with him?" questions alone are basically screaming "those two have something between them we all can't explain by most obvious reasons"), you'd expect something more substantial would happen between the characters in the end. ... I'm just saying. I know it could't happen.

Ouch.

#atla #zutara

[daineic-art]

-taps mic- Is this thing on?

Okay uh

Hi everyone!

It’s been a… long time since I’ve been actually active, hasn’t it? Well- I have a few explanations if you’d like to sit down and hear them.

To make a really long story short, I fell out of love with SSO. The game was not fun for me anymore and I found no joy in it due to multiple reasons. My own general drama moments, there were multiple things the company did, different things I got into, etc.

The biggest thing (now don't laugh I know how stupid this sounds in relation to Star Stable) was trauma. Yes, trauma. When you've been groomed using a game you've loved since you were 9 years old… you kind of stop playing that game. I resented this game for literal years due to trauma and SSO didn't help themselves by making some dumb decisions. But I was also a kid with trauma I didn't know how to handle. I can't even pinpoint exactly when everything happened, but I know it was around my mid-teens, and has been years since. I have done a lot of soul-searching and development since then because, wow, people can change! Some developments include; I started going to college, didn't like it, and I dropped out. I quit my very awful retail job and got something more akin to my field of study. Then finally, probably the most important one, I got out of an abusive relationship that I got into due to desperation. I'm in a new one with someone I genuinely care about and, frankly, want to spend the rest of my life with. It's insane how one person can open up your eyes so much and help you truly heal and change.

And because of that… I want to say sorry to those I might have hurt when I was still young and hurting. I know trauma isn't always an excuse but when it's all you know and you don't know how to control those feelings you are extremely volatile. I'm sorry to the friends I pushed away, I understand why you left. I'm sorry to the friends who stuck around and had to help me but I am also thankful for you. I'm also thankful to my audience who probably has 0 clue what I'm even talking about! I'm also sorry to those who had to witness my crippling hyper-fixation on You-Know-Who. I promise I'm over that LOL (while I still might draw That Specific Man, I am no longer mentally ill about him)

But why am I talking about this? Why all this deep conversation over a game where you ride around on a horse? Because I want to set my own record straight for myself and I want to start with a clean slate. This might involve a blog name change, maybe even a blog cleanse. But it starts here, with this post. And I'm really hoping this is the start to something better. I won't be posting right away as I want to get my own lore in order but I figured putting something into the world announcing my return (or that at least I've dropped my malice for the game) would be a good start.

I hope yall stick around! Lots of love from Sam 🦌🌿💚

#sso #star stable #star stable online

[moonlit-positivity]

Fawn response in trauma is so incredibly hard to talk about and to also identify because its actually quite insidious how this forms as a survival technique in childhood, because that means that they (ur abusers) are so invasive and controlling to your very being that your brain says, the only way we can survive this is to mimic the danger itself, so that we can trick the ones harming us that we are on their side so that MAYBE they'll let up on us for a minute or two...

Fawn response in childhood abuse is absolutely insidious because it can show up in ways like...

- "you're right, it's my fault" in a situation that is clearly not your fault, but you know arguing just escalates the situation even worse

- self sabotage or punishing yourself in order to "save face" or hope that they'll go easy on you

- hitting or abusing urself whenever you suspect they're gonna be mad at you

- if/when they are mad at you, you feel like you need to outwardly show you are suffering and not happy with yourself because they are mad and upset at you

- involuntarily kissing ass or constantly taking the blame even for things you didn't do

- taking on more housework or emotional duties to show you love them and that you arent trying to be "difficult"

- subconsciously picking up and adapting certain kinds of traits from your abuser in hopes that it will bring you closer together, like picking their favorite sports team or becoming invested in their favorite hobbies

Fawning can also look like...

- martyrism/"taking one for the team" or constantly defending the abuser when they are faced with outside criticism (i.e. as a kid I used to get mad at my friends for calling my mother crazy, "thats my mother you can't say that!")

- saving/healing fantasies in which you wish to heal the abuser so you can fix them and finally gain their approval

- being so enmeshed with your abuser that you often feel like you are them, i.e. "i feel so empty, i feel like im just wearing my mother's face and skin..."

- Stockholm & emotional incest, even feeling like you're dating ur abusers or that you're not allowed to give anyone else your attention except them 24/7

- any situation where you feel unsafe unless you are giving constant validation to someone who you actually do not like and do not want to be around, but they are so volatile that this is the only way you can survive this moment. That's fawning.

Fawn response is one that personally makes me sick to my stomach when I think of all the times it's shown up in my life, because of how incredibly sickening the situations have to be for someone to hide their pain and disgust and act in a total opposite way that strips us of our autonomy but also induces humiliation and shame by keeping us "leashed and bound" to our abusers... we mistake our fawn responses for love when in reality our true authentic souls are screaming out in protest...

Healing fawn response comes in restoring your intuition and your sense of self- no, you're not crazy for being paranoid or triggered about that thing they said that reminded you of what you went through, that's your body picking up those same signals that you've already been through!- reclaiming your emotional boundaries, asking yourself how do you define true genuine love and connection with those you love and want to have in your life? Working through the abdomen chakra point, the root of our trust, regaining trust in ourselves to communicate when we feel threatened and to trust our intuition to be vulnerable enough to listen again, to trust our bodies signals... and to trust those around us to hold space for us in ways that make us feel truly safe and supported and knowing if we cannot find that in them that we have the ability to move on and look for people and places that DO hold that space for us... healing the fawn response is all about reclaiming your VOICE and the right to leave or question any situations that immediately make you ick.

#emotional health #fawn #fawn response #ptsd #cptsd #trauma #trauma recovery #trauma healing #healing #mental health #boundaries #relationships #toxic relationships #emotional abuse #fight or flight #survival mode

[avpdpossum]

you have avpd and npd at the same time? if im nosy feel free not to answer, how does that manifest for you? i have avpd and im doubting whether i also have narcissistic or histrionic traits but they seem to be such contradictory pds i think im might be overanalyzing myself

i thought the same thing at first but, at least in my experience, they're honestly not as contradictory as they seem.

a lot of people think they're essentially opposites because they think that npd means having a super high self-esteem while avpd means having a super low self-esteem, but that's an inaccurate (or at least incomplete) picture of npd. in reality, npd is really more about having a super fragile or volatile self-esteem than a consistently high self-esteem, and that definitely can coexist with the characteristic low self-esteem of avpd.

for me, my avpd symptoms tend to be far more outward-facing than my npd symptoms. my internal monologue probably sounds a lot like other pwnpd, but i don't show it as much as some people do because avpd means my go-to coping mechanism for any internal state is avoidance. here's what that might look like:

i, like many pwnpd, can't stand not being the best at something. it totally wrecks my self-esteem. but instead of that manifesting as me being really competitive, i just quit at things really fucking easily, and i'll usually avoid competitive situations at all costs unless i'm with people i'm super comfortable around or i know there will be people who do worse than me. i've been known to stop doing an activity for literal years if i have one single experience of not being as good at it as i expected and even having panic attacks when forced to do it; i rarely do competitive things like board games with people aside from being able to play certain kinds of games with a handful of people that i'm a bit more comfortable being bad at shit with; when i learn new skills, i have to either teach them to myself totally alone or learn alongside other people who are also probably going to be really bad at it, because if there's even a chance i'll be the worst one in the room, i physically cannot make myself do it. i have that classic npd feeling of "i must be the best at everything and i will convince myself that i'm the best at everything and if anything proves that wrong i will go crawl into a hole and die", but the outward expression of it looks very classically avoidant because having avpd means that's always what my brain defaults to when dealing with current or potential distress.

one aspect of npd is incorrectly estimating the effect you have on other people. most people tend to assume this means either overestimating how much of a positive impact you have on people or underestimating how much of a negative impact you have on people, but for me, it often actually shows up as overestimating the negative impact i have on other people. as in, if i say one thing wrong and it seems like it made the other person uncomfortable at all, i'll immediately assume it was the worst thing i possibly could've said and that they'll never get over the trauma i've just caused them by opening my mouth. while a pwnpd doesn't have to have avpd to experience that symptom in this way, i believe i'm probably more likely to than most because having avpd means i'm already predisposed to vastly overestimating the impact of anything negative in an interaction.

the effect that npd has on my ability to feel empathy and generally form social connections is basically just one big vicious cycle that feeds into and is fed into by my avoidance. my sibling once described me (before i knew i had npd) as "bad at caring about other people". i very rarely feel empathy for other people, and i find it really hard to be emotionally invested in other people's lives, even people i enjoy having around and genuinely care about in my own way. the relationships i do have (which aren't many) are selfish in one way or another because my brain doesn't really know how to emotionally connect with people if there isn't something in it for me. all of that tends to create distance between me and other people, since it makes me very bad at forming the kinds of relationships that most people expect, which usually involve some level of empathy and emotional investment as a given. it also makes me distance myself from other people intentionally on top of that, because i know that's something a lot of people see as bad and that a lot of people wouldn't want to be friends with me because of it. it takes the perpetual avoidant anxiety of "if i let someone get close it'll only be a matter of time before they realize i'm a horrible person and leave" and turns it up to 100. so my npd actually ends up making me more avoidant, rather than contradicting the avoidance.

because there are some ways that avpd and npd contradict themselves, and particularly because i tend to stick with avoidance as my coping mechanism of choice, my brain is basically in a constant state of frustration. i want to pick fights and prove that i'm right, but the attention it gets me is torture so i either just sit there and quietly implode or say something, inevitably get negative attention for it, and retreat into my little avoidance hole in a panic to quietly implode (but worse). i want to stand up for myself when i feel like i'm not being treated the way i deserve and make other people treat me right, but the idea of them even knowing i exist (or, god forbid, disliking me because of how i want to be treated) is so unbearable that instead i just go through the world constantly feeling like i'm being mistreated and can't do anything about it. i want to follow all these grandiose fantasies i craft for myself about my future and be the best at everything ever, but i know deep down that there's a chance i won't be that good and not being that good feels like total failure, so instead i end up letting opportunities fall away as i avoid pursuing them and having to just sit there knowing i could be capable of way more, thinking about all of the delicious attention and praise i'll never get for it. i want to act on all of these npd thoughts and feelings, but because they're incompatible with avoidance and that's literally all i know how to do, i just torture myself internally instead.

those are just a few examples, there are definitely more ways they overlap, interact, and butt heads in my daily life, but those are the ones that come to mind as i'm writing this.

basically, i don't seem like someone with npd because my avoidance likes to take over most of the time when it comes to my outward behaviors, but internally i'm just one big chaotic mess of avoidant and narcissistic traits amplifying, combining with, or crashing into each other.

i can't speak as much to hpd because i don't have it, but i assume it's similarly not as contradictory as one might think. a disorder that's (at least in more simplistic conceptualizations of it, i don't know all about it) based around an unbearable need for attention may seem incompatible with avpd, the disorder that's makes you terrified of being known by anyone ever. but avpd also tends to involve really wanting relationships with others to a painful extent, even if you can't make yourself pursue them, and i imagine that has the potential for overlap with hpd.

good luck figuring it all out!

#poss.answers #comorbidities #discussion #personal #avpd #npd #actually avpd #actually npd #actually avoidant #actually narcissistic #avoidant pd #narcissistic pd #avoidant personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster c #cluster b

[aeternallis]

I have an honest, genuine question here, if only for the sake of the fact that I would like to hopefully inspire some polite conversation about this very sensitive topic: what genuinely makes people in this fandom believe that by "watching the live-action drama only," it enables them to think they're free of any responsibility in contributing to these authors' platform and pockets?

(Lindsay Ellis talked about this with JK Rowling and how the HP fandom are struggling with this same exact issue, and a lot of her talking points can apply to the KP fandom too, if you'd like to watch her video on Youtube.)

And before I go any further, I know I may come off obnoxious and mean af, but I'm really really trying not to be. :'D This is honestly just a question I'd like to present to the KP fandom at large.

This question is not meant to be a jab at any of you nonnie(s) or to be provoking in any way, but I'm really just wondering if it somehow got lost in the sauce that DAEMI's involvement with this production was quite extensive (namely, with casting and the script). While I don't know the terms of how royalties are distributed from this show towards the original authors, what they may or may not gain financially, they do gain undoubtedly in platform and notoriety.

Because the way I see it, no matter how much we hate it, the fact still remains that DAEMI are still the original authors of the KinnPorsche franchise. Not reading the novel and/or pretending it doesn't exist won't erase that. If anything, pretending this novel series doesn't exist, or that DAEMI are not the original authors, only whitewashes this IP and the way I see it, not exactly the most conductive way in actually trying to have a meaningful conversation around this series.

Let's not even delve into the fact that by trying to erase DAEMI's name from this IP, people are essentially trying to steal an original creation of POC(s), give full credit to the production company of the show (who based their script on DAEMI's novel), all in an effort to make themselves feel better about engaging with it.

And don't get me wrong; DAEMI being POC does not exempt them from criticism and outright boycott.

Having said this, I may not like DAEMI as much as the next person and do not condone any of their harmful actions, but it also doesn't mean I condone stealing what's rightfully their written work and their monumental contribution to the show.

That, to date, KinnPorsche the Series is still arguably the biggest BL show to come out of Thailand, that this novel was undoubtedly the roadmap for which the drama was based off of.

That to sabotage the success of this novel license series also means to disregard the hard work of both the translators and the artist, to take away credibility from the original cast members who made the live-action drama such a large success that this novel license is even possible today?

That to sabotage the success of this novel may also mean to potentially close an avenue for other SE Asian queer media to succeed down the line?

Because I assure you, when it comes to this sort of thing, money talks. When the execs of SevenSeas looks at the performance of KinnPorsche the novel series and how the pre-order numbers are doing, the numbers tell them whether it's viable to invest in SE Asian queer media or not.

Because believe you me, considering SevenSeas most likely has a social media team, the vitriol being thrown around right now only tells them the VERY unflattering picture that the KP fandom (or any Thai BL community that has a fairly successful IP behind it) is volatile af and also incredibly BIASED, considering at least half of the people outright condemning this license and want it gone are also Build stans.

That at the end of the day, the only real, truest way to fully take away DAEMI's platform for good is to just flat out drop KP-both the novel series and the show-and let it disappear into the annals of entertainment history?

Now, am I pressuring you nonnie(s) or anyone to spend money on the authors? HELL NO. Do whatever you want with your money, I won't judge you.

But is it really not possible for the mindset of, "I do not condone these authors' horrendous actions in the past, but I would like to support the novel series in honor of the artist and the translators, as well as help contribute in bringing in more SE Asian queer content to a wider audience in the near future. My support of this novel series is not a full reflection of my own character, and I refuse to let online randos dictate it otherwise" to exist?

And honestly, nonnie(s)? That's something you all have to figure out for yourselves.

#kinnporsche the series #kinnporche the series #vegaspete #kimchay #on fandom #anon asks

[not-poignant]

Hey! I got into your work recently, with Falling Falling Stars (which I adore!!), and quickly jumped into Underline the Black. I was shocked to see Dr. Gary shift to being the main love interest, but I was engaged in seeing this new dynamic with him and Efnisien. Two questions: 1. Gary feels like a different character than in FFS, and I'm wondering what were the sprouts in character traits in FFS tht you expanded in UtB? 2.What would Arden be like in UtB? (Srry if u've answered b4)

Hi anon!

I'm so glad you enjoyed Falling Falling Stars! Funny fact about that, my beta and I actually shipped Gary and Efnisien really hard in the first few chapters, but I knew they weren't end-game and it had to stay professional, so we kind of back-burnered it for over year and then Underline the Black was born.

So we actually saw the huge, huge potential for chemistry even then. Some of the readers did too, and there are actually some comments in the first and second chapters where Dr Gary is present, where people talk about their chemistry and/or shipping them. And some continue to do so as the story goes on!

As for the sprouts, I genuinely feel there are far more similarities between Dr Gary from FFS and Gary from UtB than differences, so I'll just start listing em out.

Both doctors of niche psychology that most psychologists don't really want to go into and/or specialise in.

Both CEOs of Hillview

Both controlling in their personal lives

Both extremely private people who reveal almost nothing about their personal life by preference (this is not just Dr Gary's job in FFS, he's the same with Mika in The Moon is Down).

Both familiar with BDSM and kink

Both enjoy prodding and poking at a person and even deliberately provoking discomfort in them verbally.

Both enjoy trouble-shooting complex issues, but sometimes have significant blind spots and/or become so focused on one thing they miss another.

Both are quick to apologise when they recognise they've done something wrong, and naturally seek to repair a situation

Both are semi-competitive with their colleagues, but also friendly with them.

Both are highly professional, and will use that professionalism as a front to hide their true feelings about a situation.

Both feel extremely strong bursts of empathy or compassion.

Both have a golden retriever named Polly (Efnisien tries to break the glass in the photo of Polly in FFS - this is the scene where Gary says it's Perspex).

Both have practice dealing with volatile situations and people.

Both enjoy topping / dominating others in the bedroom (though they do have other styles, the biggest departure is here, because Gary is a peak alpha in one story and just a tired person in the other).

Both overwork extremely and;

Both need Efnisien to learn how to work more realistic hours for their health.

Both are friends with Henton (and are betrayed by him)

Both prefer structured forms of support rather than spontaneously reaching out for support, though Dr Gary in FFS is more mature here than Gary in UtB is.

Both dress the same way

Both have the same style of talking, and the same way of framing thoughts when they speak.

Both dislike disruptions to their personal life.

Both are very zen about the fact that 'bad things happen in the world' which gives them an unusually large capacity to work in fields where other mental health professionals often don't want to work (omega rehabilitation sciences for Gary in UtB and aberrant juvenile psychology in FFS)

Both have a laconic and dry sense of humour and are not frequently prone to outbursts of emotion or laughter.

Despite being quite 'closed in' on the surface, both can be quite transparent about their emotional state, but not often in a very labile way. So they will calmly state they are sad while feeling sad, instead of tearfully stating it.

I could go on and on and on anon, but to me, you can see that I pretty much see the main departure as being purely biological/hormonal re: Gary being a peak alpha and the changes that have had to happen along that strata.

Otherwise to me, they are both very much Gary!

As for Arden, I suspect he'd be a beta dominant probably living the same kind of life he's living now in FFS!

#asks and answers #dr gary konowalous #underline the black #falling falling stars #a lot of the things listed above are all things that are vitally important to his foundational character #around emotional expression #patterns of dialogue #history #and relationship-making and maintaining abilities #how they like to appear and how they like their spaces to appear etc #arden doesn't exist in the UtB universe #so on that my answer is purely speculative #because nothing is canon until it's in the canon sdalkfjas

[13eyond13]

25 for Griffith?

[character ask meme]

GRIFFITH + 25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Hahaha, an excellent choice of a question for him

cut for spoilers, because I know I have a mutual who is freshly reading this series right now... (don't look, Dilly!!)

OK so my reactions to him chronologically can basically be divided into three parts:

(1) Pre-Eclipse: I like him, but I'm also side-eyeing him a bit... What's he up to, exactly?

(2) During the Eclipse: yoooo Griffith what the actual fuck you actual piece of shit!!!!

(3) Post-Eclipse: I HATE HIM AND EVERYTHING HE DOES ENRAGES ME BUT ALSO I REMEMBER HE'S A BIT COMPLICATED AND ALSO IT'S MORE BORING WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND SO WHERE DID HE GO AND CAN HE STOP DISAPPEARING FOR DOZENS OF CHAPTERS AT A TIME PLEASE

So initially I liked Griffith as a character and found him interesting to follow on the page (especially because I was like woah I can't believe how outright gay for Guts he's written, like I knew that people shipped them but I didn't think it would be that unambiguous? Good for him, good for him, I like how bold he is about it) BUT I was also side-eyeing Griffith and distrusting him a bit from the beginning, just because I knew that SOMETHING crazy must have happened to make him and Guts the kind of mortal enemies they were now before we got into the flashbacks, and because I don't trust endlessly ambitious characters trying to make themselves increasingly powerful, and because he did some shitty stuff at times (like making Casca warm Guts up with her body heat because it was a "woman's job")... but I think I remember believing that whatever it was he was still going to be a somewhat redeemable character, or that maybe the antagonism between him and Guts was based on a misunderstanding or something. So whenever the Eclipse stuff happened, I was genuinely shocked and completely horrified (here is the post with my live reaction to that part (x)

I REALLY got mad and really disliked him after that, and it nearly made me quit reading the story, because I wasn't a huge fan of how porny that whole scene was drawn in comparison to how the previous assaults were depicted on the page / wasn't incredibly sure if it felt super in-character of him / necessary for the plot / wasn't sure if Casca would ever be allowed to come back as a character in the story again ... but I also found I couldn't stop reading it for long, I was already way too emotionally invested in the characters and enjoying the Berserk universe as a whole. And stuff like how mutilated and broken and pitiful Griffith was after the torture he endured, and the scene of child him feeling obligated to keep going with his dream because of all the people he'd lead to their deaths already, made him stay more interesting to follow and more complex to contemplate as a character to me.

ANYWAY, the longer the story went on without him showing up again (if I recall correctly it goes on for at least another like 80 chapters more or something before we even see him again after that?) the more I realized that he brings a lot of the intrigue and make the most of the plot stuff that I'm actually most interested in happen, for better or for worse. So even though I was always enraged by him basically just existing and everything he did on the page after that I was also like "!!!! there he is, FINALLY" and glad every time he showed up again, haha. I wish sometimes now that he was still a bit more of a volatile/human character as he was before he made the sacrifices, because that's definitely more interesting to watch... but I can't say I'm not still very intrigued to see what happens in the end / how everything was meant to resolve between him and Casca and Guts, and if we'll ever see a big break in his aloof facade again, even after he tried to ascend to godhood and erase all of those more vulnerable human qualities from himself.

IN SUMMARY he's not my absolute fave in this series, and that's remained the same for me the entire time (it goes Guts>Casca>Griffith for me, and that order of faves hasn't changed all throughout) ... but he's definitely an iconic character, the one that brings a lot of the drama and the intrigue, and for some reason is the one I find most fun to discuss and post and speculate about in the fandom rn

#berserk #berserk spoilers #p #ask #anon #thx!

[roobylavender]

sorry if you’ve been asked this before but could u explain ur bakugou truther lifestyle in a world where anime fans hate him lol

LMAO it honestly genuinely fascinates me how much people hate bakugou bc.. his arc does everything right. he starts his journey as someone so obsessed with expressions of power bc that's what he believes all might is emblematic of, that it drives him to bully others he deems weak and subsequently develops in himself a sheer terror at the idea of being weak. a terror that is then exacerbated into a truly ugly, volatile, festering self-hatred when deku gets an insane quirk that threatens to leave bakugou to the wayside after all of the years of effort. it is a very close parallel to the dynamic between naruto and sasuke as it develops at the outset but obv naruto and sasuke are part of an entirely different world. sasuke possesses the same complexes as bakugou not bc he's aspiring to be some revered hero but bc he lives in fear of losing everyone he loves, all over again. so in that sense i somewhat understand why people make fun of bakugou in comparison bc, well, his troubles really aren't that serious comparatively. he's lost no one and has no real reason to fear his own weakness. but i think to go about reading his character arc that way is a disservice to what it's trying to explore against the backdrop of mha's narrative as a whole, bc the point isn't to say that bakugou is justified in how he feels the way sasuke might be. quite the contrary in fact. bakugou is very much wrong and deku doesn't deserve a single ounce of his violence, but at the same time, bakugou is also a product of the society that they live in

i hate to make a comparison to endeavor bc i truly do not think they are anywhere near comparable (one is a child and one is an adult after all) so briefly bear with the reference here, but endeavor is not an anomaly. he's not the one unique person in this world's entire history who developed such an obsession with strength he was willing to put everyone else in harm's way for the sake of attaining it. if there can be one endeavor, there can be more, and i think it's arguable that bakugou is a brief glimpse of that. of someone who could grow up to become that same person, who cares for no one around him and views every person in his path as an obstacle or a stepping stone. but the difference here is that's not who bakugou actually is. his history with deku is complicated and rife with transgressions but there are multiple instances we're privy to of bakugou caring, of living in the world outside of pure achievement even if only for a spare moment. he has a capacity for kindness that others recognize in him and it infuriates him bc why should it even be impt when juxtaposed against strength. why should it matter. why should he even care. but he does care. about kirishima. about denki. about uraraka. about deku. and that's what all might really grasps onto and tries to pull back out to the surface with all of the strength that he can muster. he knows bakugou is better than what he's fashioned himself to be, and he knows bakugou knows it. if the parents in naruto largely go unaddressed for their failures, the crux of mha lies in its confrontation of the parents and their role in society. bakugou is always capable of kindness, but it's bc all might (and deku and uraraka and kirishima) constantly lets him know that his kindness is a strength in and of itself that bakugou starts to look inward. that he starts to evaluate how he's acted, who he's hurt, why he's done the things he's done. how powerless he's felt—not at the thought of not achieving #1, but at the thought of not being able to save the friends he cares about

it's bc of the fact that bakugou exists in this world, and not naruto's world, that he gets to do everything right. he gets the emotional support and guidance from a mentor figure. he gets to do the introspective thinking where his actions are evaluated and conclusions are made as to how he moves forward. it's precisely bc the end goal does not matter, in fact there is no end goal anymore. all that matters is the here and now and being able to stand alongside the people around him so that they can support each other. the parameters by which bakugou is allowed to receive closure and move on are clear cut in a way naruto's world could never have allowed them to be, and i genuinely believe that makes people angry bc if anything this is what they wanted for sasuke. not the relentless baggage and manipulation and lack of support. he didn't deserve not to have those things even though the point being made by naruto was precisely to highlight what a lack of those things in context of an exploitative military-industrial complex creates. no one seems to understand the point being made by mha, while somewhat analogous in nature, nonetheless goes the other way—not to highlight what a lack of emotional support and stability create, but to advocate for what their presence can constructively heal. mha is not so much concerned with addressing systems as it is with addressing individuals. hence why we even have an arc like endeavor's, where he in all likelihood will never be forgiven by the rest of his family, but his commitment to altering course will nonetheless be critical so as not to perpetuate further harm

and that's why bakugou interests me so much. i'm a sasuke truther too and i love him in his own way but i love that bakugou is in a series where personal accountability is so important bc it means he does all of the work himself. yes, he does receive encouragement and guidance from others but it's ultimately his choice to make whether or not he wants to change, and he does. he is repeatedly, consistently accountable to himself and to the people around him and to deku esp and i can't describe how monumental it is to see him not only put that sentiment into action but into words. the conversations he has with all might, with that one small kid whose name totally escapes me in this moment but if you've read you'll know what i mean, with deku. the fact that he takes a whole lightning strike or whatever the fuck it was (sorry. i haven't kept up with mha for a while it's quite sporadic) for deku bc his whole definition of strength has shifted on its access. talented. brilliant. incredible. amazing. showstopping. spectacular. never the same. totally unique. not ever been done before. etc. when they put him in the meat grinder and killed him i was so overwhelmed with joy bc yes on its face it's sad* but he's come so far. from someone who let so many civilians die on his entrance exam to someone who sacrificed his own life for the sake of others. it's insane! and i love him so, so deeply and he's one of my favorite deuteragonists in any shounen ever. i think everyone seems to be caught up not only on whatever i've been talking about so far but also on the idea that bakugou's a shitty deuteragonist bc he doesn't have his own personal villain the way everyone else does and it's like. hello. he never needed one. bakugou's own personal villain was himself. and he unequivocally beat him

*i really don't care that the death was a fake out.. he's still dead to me my sweet babie

#bakugou katsuki #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #outbox #tagging this bc idk i feel sooooo emotional. i love him soojfgfjdlhgsdf much

[yaksha-garden]

About

NAME: Eden, Vidhana, Edha Devi, among others

AGE: ??? (Ancient) DOB: ???

SPECIES: Yaksha

GENDER: Where do we even start?

HEIGHT: 163cm HAIR: Black, wavy, short EYES: Brown (Green, sometimes?) SKINTONE: Brown with warm undertones

ETHNICITY: Bengali

MARKS: A large crack (like a crack in pottery) on the right side of their face, and up their left arm. Smaller cracks around the green gemstone in the middle of their chest

VOICE: Somewhat high and nasally. They speak in a blend of more "modern" casual speech, and archaic, poetic terms and turns of phrase. Speaks English with a Bengali accent, speaks Bengali with the Khula/Jashore accent.

---

Eden wants to be a hospitable, generous, gentle person. What they are is restless, moody (perhaps volatile), usually curious and observant, sometimes a bit too willing to believe comforting lies, guarded and strongheaded, drowning in guilt and grief, all that and still genuinely well meaning (and maybe overcompensating).

Eden is curious, both in an intellectual and sensual sense. They want to experience everything, they want to know about everything, they want to learn how to do everything. On the one hand, they have all the lifetimes in the world to do so; on the other, their memory only holds enough knowledge for one lifetime, if that. It frustrates them immensely. In the meantime, that desire to experience new things means they're observant, drinking in every detail. But it can also lead them to trouble, since...

Eden is impatient, restless. They're quite easily bored, even in situations they like and want to stay in. It leads them to wander into the wilderness every so often, and then when they tire of the wilds, wander back into town, and so on and so forth. They find it hard to hold onto their responsibilities, but they try very, very hard to not impulsively abandon those. At least, not for too long.

Eden is full of strong feelings. Even little slights can make them feel gravely insulted, even silly or casual displays of friendship or affection make them positively glow for the rest of the day. This means, often, they're also full of complicated feelings, clashing against each other from different tiny cracks.

But, Eden is also a touch guarded. They have trouble actually communicating all these feelings and desires, and whenever they try, they tend to try and detach themselves, downplay themselves, speak indirectly. When something goes just a bit wrong, they're quick to flinch, and then fight or, in very specific situations, fawn - they do it by accepting whatever the other party says as truth, especially if that "truth" would offer them some brief peace of mind. Outside of that specific circumstance though, they're more likely to bite back, and assert their own will. Perhaps getting reckless or vindictive along the way. (Though they want to reign this particular tendency in...)

Despite being ancient and nearly-immortal, they don't really "act their age", mainly because they can't remember things over a few decades into the past well, and the further back from that one goes, the more fragmented and scarce memories become. However, they do have flashes of maturity and wisdom more befitting their "actual" age sometimes.

Some of Eden's interests include learning about the world (they enjoy reading nonfiction and, in the modern day, scientific studies and journals), card and board games of all kinds (they grew up playing Chaturanga, have played a fair bit of modern chess as well, and are starting to dabble in more complicated modern board games), and are usually trying some new arts and crafts thing every month or so, like knitting or painting, it changes a lot based on their whim. One thing they keep trying to return to is making music. They keep trying to play the harmonium but it's been decades and they still suck.

As a yaksha, Eden is a guardian spirit of a natural place, their own home is a rainy forest grove. What this gives them is a sensitivity to the environment around them (understand animals, smell and taste the mood), an ability to shapeshift into animals common in their domain (their preferred forms are a deer and a viper), and purify (or poison) the water and fruits of their home. Yaksha abilities depend heavily on their environment, so others may have different abilities.

There's a gemstone embedded in Eden's chest. This is the symbol of divine favour, and the boons that come with it. This greater power grants nigh-immortality, and a stronger ability to manipulate the earth and nature of Eden's own world. Things such as control plants like an extension of their body and shape entirely new lifeforms. In the current day, this is a level of power Eden is extremely wary of using without good reason. And, it only works within the bounds of Kubera's Prism, not in the human world.

Finally, Eden has some sorcerous talent. They can use it to create small illusions and manipulate dreams. This, they mostly learned in order to survive in the world of dreams. While the depths of the arts of maya can be dangerous and ethically heinous by way of dealing in what is essentially mind control, Eden's specialization isn't in that sort of thing, so they're not as wary about using this magic. This form of magic is weakest (but still functional) in the human world, and strongest in the dream world.

Eden accumulated other skills over the course of their life, and most of them rust over and fade as they fall out of use and Eden forgets them. They suspect in their original, pre-immortality life, they were trained to fight or hunt, because of a few almost-instincts have stayed with them despite the time and amnesia, like how to make a fist, or knowledge about the anatomy of animals. Oddly (and embarassingly for them) they don't know that much about "proper" physical sciences, including botany. They had the power to control and create plants, yes, but the Keystone essentially acted as a cheat code, letting them impose their will on reality without them needing to understand how it worked. This is something they consider deeply shameful and maybe contributed to how badly they mismanaged their responsibility over the land, and part of why they're so interested in scientific studies nowadays.

#[info]