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#got spirituality trauma!
pansypr3p · 1 year
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i dont blatantly sys post often!!! im not super into syscourse, i am not always against non-traumagenic systems. it depends. but i am here to complain abt how fucked up it is that anti non traumagenic systems/people are called sysmeds. like. its a play on transmeds y'know? and the thing about transmeds is like. being trans isnt a disorder. this is because. gender is not real. its a thing we made up. cant be a disorder. nothings wrong with you. yknow?
but like. being a system is stressful if not inherently caused by or influenced by trauma!! like. i fucking love and adore my headmates and wouldnt give them up for the world but. its hard sometimes, yknow??? like. switching is hard sometimes, role switches and internal conflict and all this bullshit. we love each other but having like 200 ppl in one noggin is a Bad Time, especially when there can be like 15-25 people in the front room at a time, not to mention the dissociation. i cant remember friday. or thursday, or wednesday, or tuesday. i think i have a vague idea of what happened? but i just. its just not there. yknow? and yesterday and today- ive been fighting feeling utterly apathetic because the dissociations so bad. and that was all because someone yelled at me for a second and i shut down because i got triggered because hey! trauma! woo!
so yes. being a system is a problem. not for others around you! but for me and many others. and i dunno. i just like. i just really wish they wouldnt compare us to transmeds?? like systemhood IS medical. maybe you got some other shit going on like systemhood, and yeah, okay! sure! cool! whatever! i could care less. but if you dont have that trauma, that dissociation and struggle. i want a different space!!! than you!! bc that shit is fucking hard. and fuck it. if you dont struggle like that i dont want you to talk like you do. and if you do, and you still think youre non-traumagenic. okay. sure. whatever. i dont want you in my space either. denial is a bad look.
maybe that was rude. i am sorry. i dont like being mean to people and i much rather respect everyone and leave them alone. bur i got a little frustrated so here! a rant.
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thaliasthunder · 1 year
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as an atheist that was even physically forced to hear unsolicited religious discourses of "how wrong i am", how "im gonna burn in hell" or "god hates/is dissapointed of me" from believers after saying im atheist, magnus being atheist without being antagonized or questioned for it is something so fucking personal to me
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dirtytransmasc · 1 year
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this post is gonna seem so fucking random, and its really not at all important, tiktok is just being tiktok, and I have something to say that really doesn't mean shit but would get me flamed on that hellsite, and I hate not saying whats on my mind, even when its in my best interest so I'm saying it here, cause I can, just ignore me.
there seems to be this devote group of people in the SoC's fandom (*cough cough* I've only seen them on tiktok, and they're always those types of fans, that just like, care way to much about others opinions. *cough cough*) who hate people who see the dynamic of kaz and wylan as a father/son-esque relationship, like getting all types of mad about it. again it was like 5 or 6 people, but it was enough to make me really think about it and then proceed to get pissy, cause I'm a stubborn asshole at heart who can't just drop something once it's pissed me off, and it really only pissed me off cause someone said interpreting them like that was "infantilizing gay men" and I just... no, please no, that's not at all whats happening, I promise.
so here's my unnecessary two cents, cause I can't just move on;
what would you like me to call their dynamic hmm? kaz is only a bit older in age, but forced himself to mature and take on burdens that make him much older then he is, burdens he won't let anyone take off his shoulders. while he is very much like a mentor or older brother to wylan, trying to be who he needed after losing jordie, his role within the group as a whole puts him into much more of a caretaker role. he's the dad of the group, he is provider and protector, he is the brawny brains so to speak, a very paternal energy as head of the 'family'. he is the protector of his crows, he takes care of them, all of them, in his own fucked up ways, being what they need him to be. he would do anything for them, even if he tries to hide it, and this typically ends up with him in one way or another taking on a nurturing role of sorts (describing this man is so hard, cause his internal vs. external actions are so fucked by his mental state. going above and beyond for him and like bare minimum to the average person, and I don't know how to verbalize it). factor that into the fact that wylan lacks a father figure, a good one at least, he naturally plays that role in a very similar way that an older brother or mentor would fill the void of a younger sibling/mentee. wylan also looks up to and takes after kaz a lot, which points into the father/son-esque vibes. all in all, no they aren't your traditional father/son dynamic, but like, that's the closest simple term I can slap on them, cause I'm not giving this little speech a million times. their dynamic is messy and layered and complicated by both of their metric tons of trauma, paired with the overall found-family/trauma-bond thing those littles shits got going on over there. let them be messy and let me just sat father/son for my sanity, I beg (if someone tells me I'm infantilizing wylan cause he's gay/dyslexic/autistic-coded I'm gonna have a stroke, I just want my boys to be vaguely happy and have some semblance of family alright, and sure, maybe my daddy issues play into it, but that's none of your goddamned business)
please say I'm not the only one to encounter those fans, and please tell me this makes sense to someone, I beg of you.
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yuridovewing · 5 months
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yknow i wassss gonna gut the cinderheart reincarnation plotline for razorverse because of how clumsy and insidious the original was… but i have been playing pokemon rejuvenation and now i sorta wanna take influence from that game’s reincarnation plot. where the reincarnation is actually a curse that is detrimental to both cinders and has damaging psychological effects on everyone involved
#i mean ig the original plot had hints of that but it was less that and more ‘’omg we gotta make THIS life worth it!!! (aka not disabled)#which this wouldnt have#id totally gut the disability angle altogether tbh#but im imagining like theres legit magic going on. probably bc of the tunnels#maybe cinderpelt was the first cat to realize there was something up with the tunnels. and she accidentally cast a light spell in there#and she began to experiment a bit. and this is what drives her attention away from leafpool for a bit#i wouldnt know what EXACTLY shes doing. maybe she found it before the moonpool was found and wanted to try and create a starclan entry#for the other medics#and once the moonpool was found she tried to stop but realized she wanted to experiment more#like. can she try and contact starclan on her own? could she figure out how exactly starclan ticked?#and she gets in contact with rock who sorta takes her on as a disciple…#im thinking every cat is capable of reading starclan but it varies and cinders’s sense was very low#so she was trying to compensate for that#it distracts her from clan life and pulls her away and suddenly the bubbly cinderpelt everyone knows has just vanished#but they brush it off as the trauma from the journey#but then we get to her death- she’d been trying to create that pathway and as ive said RV!Starclan is a spiritual anomaly#where cats are supposed to reincarnate but instead they linger#creating the starclan group. but in tampering with magic- cinderpelt got locked out of the starclan cycle somehow and got cursed#the same curse as rock- every time she is slain#her body shifts and transforms and is ‘’reset’’ into a young kitten. into cinderheart#the soul of cinderpelt is trapped in there and it will stay trapped til the curse is broken. and the cycle will repeat when cinderheart dies#im thinking cinderheart reconnects with rock to look into this and shes tied in with the jayfeather plotline#and she struggles with feeling like a freak of nature who was born from tragedy#she gets added to sorrels litter and they pretend shes her bio kit but leafpool and the family knows the truth#razorverse
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dioriysus · 7 months
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sorry if u started following me bc of my timsteph shenanigans bc this account is truly everywhere
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notdrifting · 1 year
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no but - bumi ?? growing out his hair after retiring ?? finally fully embracing his water tribe roots ?? we love to see it !!!
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"Spanking does harm kids" I literally feel violent when I'm angry like???
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clowningaroundmars · 5 months
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anyone else scared to death of the REAL obvious signs of control the younger generations are exhibiting lately
like im watching all these yt video essays on microblading, "looksmaxing", anti-aging routines, "signs that your partner is micro-cheating", teens and young adults' obsession with categorizing everything and turning everything into an aesthetic/trend (wtf was up with those "blueberry milk nails" like???), the existence of PURITEENS... i mean like
im not saying younger teens are developing OCD or anything but jfc this is all snowballing into scary symptoms lately. how tf are 14 year olds on tiktok doing a 19-step skincare routine "to prevent wrinkles"? YOU ARE FOURTEEN
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harmoonix · 2 months
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🍄 Retro - Astro 🍄
(Astrology Observations)
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ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯
🍄 - I love to stare in the eyes of the natives with Neptune - Asc aspects, most of my friends have such aspects and they truly have beautiful eyes
🍄 - Pluto in Sagittarius Generation is really meant to give and normalize things back to normal, and for example bringing things that were used in the past and to normalize them again
🍄 - Wanna know why so many Aquarius Suns may act so different and unique? Sun is ruled by Leo and Aquarius is its opposite sign so sun acts different in Aquarius
🍄 - Neptune and Mercury aspects can indicate love for music and most times for old music or old music style, you know liking those songs from the 90's
🍄 - One fast way to learn your sign houses in your birth chart is to know the order of the zodiac signs, this method worked with me for example you have Gemini Rising and Leo Sun > Your sun will be in the 3rd house because Leo is 1 sign (Cancer) apart from Gemini
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🍄 - 8°, 20° degrees on the Midheaven attract jealousy really fast, envy too and sometimes can even get hate without a reason, on the other hand people can become obsessed with them
🍄 - Sagittarius in your 4th/12th house axis can come from more nationalities/ethnicity/race like having more than 1 background country ancestry (or your ancestors/family members)
🍄 - Lilith in your 9th/12th or 4th house can indicate ancestors or family members working with the occult/witchcraft/magic/tarot etc...
🍄 - Sun in the 12th house natives have an ongoing karma, basically they are working on their karma constantly
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🍄 - Virgo Moon's beauty is underatted, they are so beautiful and they can actually look younger because of the Mercury's youth effect
🍄 - I remember once checking on google about Jupiter in Virgo husband (my sidereal Jupiter placement) and I got this:
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I can't tell if this is real or not tbh 😭😭
🍄 - Neptune aspecting Chiron will literally empower your subconscious with a lot of intuition, spirituality like you really have the chance to heal your subconscious in case is hurt with those placements
🍄 - Everyone I know with Cancer Placements gets so DEPRESSED based on the weather, and omg I'm not joking or something if the weather outside is bad they're gonna be depressed or in a bad mood
🍄 - Every time I see someones chart with 10th house placements especially Sun and Venus there I know they got the cash bag 💰💰
🍄 - Not gonna lie knowing how organized Virgo placements are, I think natives with Virgo in the 4th house have the most most most most most most organized house-castle ever just like in Cinderella and everything looking perfect
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🍄 - You can spot health problems in a chart by looking at their 6th house sign (both in tropcial and sidereal) looking at the ruler/lord of the 6th house and of course the planets (if there are) in the 6H house
🍄 - Stelliums play a very big role in a chart (A stellium is when you have 3 or more than 3 planets in a house) and indicates a big focus in that area
🍄 - Empty houses play a very big role as well, and an empty house is not a bad thing or something but spirituality talking it indicates an area you already completed in your past life
🍄 - Let me tell you how tricky Venus in Capricorn can be to make you fall in love with matured enough people and sometimes the karma comes and strikes and says "They're not the one for you"
🍄 - Moon in the 9th house is another tricky placement to have because in harsh aspects it can indicate a religious trauma and sometimes it can indicate love for religion/beliefs you understand what I mean...😭😭
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🍄 - A lot of people who happens to get betrayed have Pluto/Saturn Lilith and sometimes Neptune in the 11th house, (I know all the people can get betrayed but these are just some indicators
🍄 - Sagittarius/Jupiter in the 11th house can be blessed with friends or in general having luck with their friendships and social networks, sometimes their friends can come from a different background than them
🍄 - Mercury at 10°, 22° degrees really can have a deeper voice than others (depends on aspects) but their voice is so damn attractive
🍄 - Uranus and Lilith in the 5th house can get confused if they will want or not to have kids like is difficult and in the same time draining for them (Lilith in general in that house natives don't want kids but is just my thoughts on it)
🍄 - Sagittarius Midheaven/Midheaven in the 9th house or in Sagittarius Degrees 9°, 21° really need to chose something the job/career they're passionate about because it grants them luck
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🍄 - Midheaven at Aries Degrees 1°, 13°, 25° or MC in Aries have a big chance to get a leader position at their job or having the main character energy
🍄 - I tell you Gemini Moons and Moon in the 3rd house natives have the best tea ("Tea" as a gen z slang means gossip) like gossips stories i honestly wonder from where or who they know so many things im so invested y'all 😭😍
🍄 - 2nd house and the Moon Sign represent food in the birth chart, and I know water/earth ones love sweets so much
🍄 - If you want to know more about your true self check your Ascendant ruler persona chart, AND if you have 2 planets rulers check both persona charts for ex if you are Scorpio Risings check your Mars and Pluto persona charts, sadly for Leo Risings their natal chart is pretty much their true self (There is no Sun persona chart😭)
🍄 - Leo in the 7th house can have the same problem like your natal chart pretty much tells you about your future spouse because there is no Sun persona chart to look for in case you wanna look for your 7th house ruler persona chart 😭
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🍄 - Cancer Risings in your D9 (vedic) chart can indicate a nurturing spouse or in general your partner has a very nurturing and kind energy
🍄 - I admire 6th house Placements for how much they want to keep themselves healthy like is a top priority and i respect that so much, because your health matters so much in life ♥️♥️♥️🙌🏼
🍄 - Aries Placements especially Aries Juno I love their energy. They just give that leader and confident/powerful vibe (boss vibe) in the chart also someone very bold and funny I love them
🍄 - Draconic Chart is the chart of your soul before reincarnation/coming to earth and the placements are indicating how your soul expected to be on earth (like their life), and im gonna cry I have Saturn in the 7th house in this chart as well. my soul knew I will have to wait for that specific person to come 😭 I'm done...
🍄 - Mercury in the 11th house makes socially open natives they get along so good with most people because of their social skills, they're also smart, creative and very open minded too
🍄 - Pluto in the 12th house has a chance to become very powerful in this life because this placement usually indicates an painful karma, you will certainly experience a lot of good and bad things in your current life
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💝 This post was more like at a spiritual level 💝
Be blessed you all who read my observations 💝
ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯ྉ☯
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vidavalor · 5 months
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Good Omens has shown us, among other things...
-Crowley pointing the paintball gun at Aziraphale and giving the office workers miraculous escapes from death *before* it showed us The Blitz, Part 2's Bullet Catch that shows us what he was referencing to Aziraphale by doing so
-Aziraphale's love of human magic and his vanishing coins act and Crowley grumbling about all of it *before* it showed us "the farthing has vanished!" and The Marvelous Mr. Fell and his "volunteer assistant" on stage in 1941
-The 1862 breakup *before* the 1827 scene that gives context for their traumas that led to the breakup
-The sexy lunch in 2008 *before* the ox rib date that started it-- all the way back in 2500 B.C..
-Crowley telling Aziraphale about his night dealing with the antichrist baby: "Well, not, delivered-delivered, just... handed it over" *before* professional midwife/cobbler Bildad the Shuite "birthing" Job and Sitis some "new" kids
-Crowley, alone, forced into the start of Armageddon by delivering the antichrist in a picnic basket *before* 1967, in which Aziraphale dreams of a world they could get to before they run out of time in which they could go on a picnic together
-Aziraphale looking to the side Crowley always comes up on when he hears the miracle sound in the sushi restaurant in 1.01 *before* we even know that Crowley always comes up in the same way from various scenes teaching us this
-Aziraphale's tartan obsession *before* its origin story, which is the date in Edinburgh in 1827 wherein he became spirituality Scottish and thought he lost Crowley and after which he adopted the tartan as a thing related to the two of them and never stopped wearing it. See also: showed us 1967 and the tartan thermos *before* explaining to us that the tartan isn't just something Aziraphale likes but is something with meaning to the two of them together as a pair
-Crowley rambling drunkenly about bananas, fish and gorillas in the bookshop *before* his and Aziraphale's 'banana fish gorilla shoelace with a dash of nutmeg' conversation over wine in 1941, showing us that he was drunkenly remembering in a scene in S1 a romantic scene in their history that we didn't know then and wouldn't know until S2
-Crowley & Aziraphale dining at The Ritz in 2008 in 1.01 *before* we even know that was The Ritz or why it matters that it was, which they don't tell us until the final, romantic moments of S1
-Crowley obsessively growing a large, lush, overhanging canopy of plants in his apartment *before* telling us he's got a thing for vavoom-y erotic gazing and kissing under the shelter of canopies the likes of which have never been seen in a Richard Curtis film
So, my dear, dear loves... explain to me why I'm not going to be adding to this list next season:
-that heartbreaking 2.06 kiss *before* the first one they had a bazillion years ago?
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vonehrenfest · 9 months
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DCxDP prompt: Constantine meant to summon a familiar. He ends up with a son.
Danny is an immensely powerful ghost, but he’s absolutely clueless about magic and naive to the dealings of the underworld. He solves problems with his fists and Fenton weapons! Really, the closest he gets to magic is when his friends use a ghostly artifact.
When the world nearly goes through another apocalypse in a magic related incident that Danny really should’ve been able to shrug off, Clockwork takes matters into his own hands.
Constantine is master of the dark arts, a cosmic conman and someone who technically owes his soul to the King of the Infinite Realms (as well as a favor to clockwork personally.)
But Constantine is also a difficult asshole of a man to deal with, so Clockwork concocts a plot. He uses his time powers to de-age Danny to be the same as when Astrid was thrown into hell, seals him within a grimoire or magic crystal or something, and sends him back in time and space so that Constantine eventually ends up using the object and binds Danny as a familiar.
Clockwork gets to fuck with Constantine a bit by manipulating his guilt and trauma, and Danny gets time to recuperate and a mentor who’ll wise him up to the kinds of magic he’ll need to be familiar with as Ghost King. Perfect.
Cue wacky hijinks as Constantine has to act as “master” and mentor to a spirit powerful enough to be a god. And Danny, memory a little bit muddy, keeps accidentally revealing the insane circumstances of his childhood. He makes faces at the thought of adult romance, but he’s used to violence and blood. It pulls on a part of Constantine that he never openly verbalizes. (As time passes he realizes that Danny is a baby god, and that he will have final claim to John’s soul.)
The Justice League thinks that Constantine has somehow had a kid- Wally notes that they’re both spooky and have blue eyes, and they can’t really imagine Constantine ever getting involved with a sidekick if he wasn’t love and duty-bound as a parent. The boy has enough sway over him that it’s even become easier to contact the wizard!
Demons reconsider how they deal with Constantine. Before he was mostly dangerous because he would trick you. Now, he’s got something truly powerful on his side. (They wonder what he gave up for a boon like that.)
It makes them back off for bit, but then they realize that though Constantine’s guardian is strong enough to wring the mist out of their spiritual forms, he’s still.. stupid? Stupid enough that he wastes energy beating them instead of just banishing them, and doesn’t think to break the flimsy seal binding him to Constantine’s service.
They wonder what Constantine did to make an entity so powerful so helpless. They reconsider how to deal with him again.
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popamolly · 2 months
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‘INTERNAL REDEMPTION’ LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR
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summary. (y/n) continues to spy on Lucifer, preying on the little vulnerability that allows he allows (y/n) to see. Unbeknownst to both of them there is something blossoming with each conversation and shared stolen glance.
CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR
warnings. lucifer morningstar x stripper!fem!reader, eventual smut, mention of death, slow burn, biblical references, sex work, sexual themes, trauma, abuse, murder, slow burn, 18+ minors dni
author’s note. italics is for a flashback, just wanted to let everyone know if that isn’t made clear in the text, i finished this up at like 2am. enjoy sinners <3
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Lucifer held you captive with his words for hours. Explaining everything you wanted to know about him and his army of ducks. That wall was slowly crumbling as was his resolve. Though that seemed to be in the back of your mind as you found yourself intrigued by him and his story— ultimately finding out that the King of Hell was actually quite charming in his way.
“So these ducks are a manifestation of sinners,” You look toward him as if to confirm his words and when Lucifer nodded you continued, “Every sinner in Hell? No wonder you have so many.”
“And this isn’t even half of it,” Lucifer smiles proudly as he hops up from his chair, gesturing toward the rubber duck piles that almost reached the ceiling, “There are more at my amusement park.”
“I see, I guess I am just trying to understand why ducks of all things?”
“Spiritual progression? Rebirth? New beginnings?” Lucifer taps his chin in thought before shrugging, “A mere duck can mean a lot of different things that’s why, plus they are cuuuuteee!”
You laugh, a real genuine laugh, which was a sound you haven’t made in a long while. The King wasn’t so bad once you got know him. If anything he was an ideal king that you would read stories about. You wanted nothing more than to listen to him talk for hours more.
“What?” Lucifer got a bit self conscious, realizing that his excitement might have came off a bit nerdy or childish, “It’s silly isn’t it?”
You shake your head to ease his insecurities with a lopsided smile, “No, I just had this version of you in my head and seeing you now, in person..it's completely changed now that I have met you.”
“I hope that’s a good thing.” Lucifer chuckles. He fiddling with the top of his cane as if he was scared to meet your gaze.
“It is.” And for a moment you forgot why you were here. If you had to chose between the V’s and Lucifer when it came to deciding Hell’s fate, Lucifer would win by a landslide— but Lucifer wasn’t the one who owned your soul, “Tell me more about Charlie. Your face lights up whenever you speak of her.”
“She is my pride and joy!” Lucifer boasts proudly, “She has this whole Hotel thing going on apparently. I’ve been poppin’ in here and there to help her ya know, being an awesome dad and whatnot.”
“And what of this hotel?” You ask, leaning a bit closer to Lucifer as if he would tell you a secret, “Does she really believe that she can redeem sinners?”
“Yes, she…she does,” Lucifer sighs after a moment, turning away from you to run his fingers through his golden hair. A heavy weight clearly on his shoulders as he thought of his daughter and her fairytale like dreams for Hell. It hurt his heart to know that he couldn’t do more for her. He knew he could make whatever dream of hers come true except for the one she wanted most. This was a whole other thing entirely. This was something between Hell and Earth and the lines have always been blurred— he would never be able to cross it even he wanted to.
“You don’t sound too sure..” You chose your words carefully. There was a tiny crack in his wall of vulnerability and you wanted to crack it some more, “Do you doubt Charlie?”
“No no no! Pfffft, Of course not!” Lucifer quickly says before sighing in defeat, raking his fingers through his blonde hair, “I don’t doubt her..I just— I don’t think she understands the weight of what she is trying to do. I just l don’t want her to end up hurt over this.”
“If all else fails then she will know that you were there for her,” You say, placing your hand on his shoulder reassuringly, “All you have to do is believe in her, even if you don’t believe in her dreams.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Lucifer turned to look at you. A split moment in time where the world seemed to stop and it was just you and him. Your words might have came from your own selfish need to stay on Valentino’s good side but your kindness remained true. It became clear to you that the King was nothing more than a prideful man that was trying his best. Not only for his daughter but himself and for Hell. In the short time that you knew him it was something that you quickly learned to admire, “Yes, well,” Lucifer clears his throat, his cheeks flushing slightly under your intense gaze, “Thank you for the company. It was nice to…open up a bit.”
“Of course, your majesty,” You nod, taking that as your cue to leave the King to his Kingly duties as the time you two spent together had made day turn to night in an instant, “I will leave you to your duties.”
“Right! My duties! I am a very very busy man! So many souls to collect, tons of sinners to kill, people to torture, the list just goes on…haha!” Lucifer wanted to jump out of his own skin and slap himself silly. Curse him for his rambling, why did he even feel the need to impress you? A lowly sinner that meant absolutely nothing to him.
“if you ever need a friend or,” Your fingertips grazes the doorknob to his bedchambers with the tray of empty plates in the other arm, “…A listening ear, you always call upon me.” Offering one last smile in the King's direction, you slip out into the hall, closing the door behind you softly.
Lucifer couldn’t help but feel how his room suddenly felt cold now that your warm presence was gone. There was a certain emptiness in the air that reminded him he was truly lonely. \
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“So the King of Hell’s daughter wasn’t joking about the redemption of sinners,” Vox sneers over the tiny screen of the voxtech watch he gave you, “And whatever the reason for the Radio Demon to be by Charlie’s side, it surely only benefits him.” The watch screen slightly glitches from Vox laughing, “Redemption of sinners?! How stupid is that?”
“It could be possible,” You say, making the watch on your wrist glitch some more.
“If I wanted your opinion bitch, I would ask for it!” The static noise was starting to ring in your ears, its material overheating in the palm of your hand, “Whatever the case is, I need you sucking Lucifer’s dick by next week if we are going to get any valuable information out of him, do you understand me?”
You bit down on your bottom lip, tears stinging at the corner of your eyes from feeling guilty about getting close to Lucifer under such circumstances. Your paths should have never even crossed. You both might be in hell but you were in entirely different worlds. There was this unspoken connection you two shared the moment your eyes met and it was just enough to get the guilt eating away at you.
“Or do I have to tell Valentino that his favorite obedient girl is being defiant?”
“No, I—”
“Good, I’m so glad we have an understanding. Now go get me some actually good information I can fucking use!” With that Vox hung up the call, making you let out a deep breath that you didn’t know you were holding in. You toss the watch to the floor angrily, dropping your head into your hands. This was all just a stupid pointless mission. One that had no satisfying end or results because there was nothing to say. There was nothing to report back. The King, Charlie, and those around him was plotting to do more good than harm.
You leaned over to turn the faucet off, stopping the hot water from filling the porcelain tub completely after nearly overflowing it from being too lost in your thoughts.
Slowly, you began to slip out of your clothes, neatly folding them and putting them aside before stepping into the hot water, the stinging pain hardly anything you would flinch from. That stinging pain felt good, it reminded you that you were present in the moment even when you wanted nothing more than to just to disappear.
Closing your eyes to relax, you sink deeper and deeper into the water until you felt your mind slowly drift elsewhere.
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With a melodic hum, you turned the page to your book, intrigued by the ancient text and words of God. Surrounding you were scrolls and other relics that you stole from the council’s library, eager to learn more about God and his mysterious ways. It was all you could do in Heaven after all, live blissfully but you were bored of that. Instead of thriving off the golden city’s pleasures you always found your head in a book, a simply pleasure that you’ve grown to love.
“Boo!” Lucifer suddenly pops down in front of you. Startled, you toss your book up, which he catches with ease, “What ya reading?”
“God’s texts Lulu, what else?” You try to grab your book from him but he holds it above your head, slowly inching upward with the help of his wings to show that he was taller than you. He wasn’t but you’d like to humor him every now and again, “Lucifer! Give it back!”
“Wouldn’t you much rather see the gift I brought you instead of reading a boring book?” Lucifer wiggled his eyebrows in jest, an amused smile tugging at his lips.
“A Gift?” You stopped jumping for your book then, your wings tucked back into you with a curious glint in your eyes. Lucifer gave dramatic pause before presenting you a green apple. He tossed it to you and you caught it in your delicate hands, smiling at the kind gesture. “An apple, how romantic.”
“Is it not to your liking?” Lucifer played along with your teasing remark, circling around you as he playfully grabs and twist your hair around his fingers in such a loving way that it had your heartbeat quickening and you breath falling short, "I thought I'd give you something a little bit more nontraditional."
It took everything in your power not to swoon over a damn apple because it wasn't just an apple to you. Lucifer would go out of his way to bring you things whenever you two would meet up at your secret spot under a new sprouting tree. There was something sparking between you two and you weren't sure how long you would be able to avoid it as you were a hopeless romantic. Lucifer had such a way with words that whenever he spoke it was if he was building palaces- cathedrals even. Between that and that charming warm smile, you knew you wouldn't be able to deny your feelings for much longer but until he admitted it first you weren't going to say anything. Call it stubbornness but you simply didn't want to be mistaken and absolutely sure that your feelings for him were one hundred percent reciprocated.
"Next time get a red apple," You said, finding that hidden resolve within you once again as you smirked at him, "They're sweeter."
"Are they now?" Lucifer stopped circling you to stand only inches apart from your face. He was so close that you could feel his breath against your lips. A ball of anticipation formed at the base of your stomach, making you feel as though you have swallowed butterflies, "(Y/N).." The angel in front of you swallowed a lump in his throat, his own body betraying him as he backs you up against the tree, lips only barely touching one another, "Can I kiss you?"
You were breathless. Lucifer had officially sucked out all the air from your lungs- or so it felt like, "Yes." And with your consent, Lucifer crashed his lips to yours passionately. He invaded your mouth and all of your senses. You melted into him, relaxing against his body as you brought your arms around his neck to pull him impossibly closer. It was as if fireworks went off in your head. Even the sound of distant ringing of the bells had you questioning if it was truly meant to be.
You suddenly pulled away from Lucifer, "Bells.."
Lucifer blinks at you dreamily, "You hear them too? It's perfect."
"No, Lucifer, the bells! I'm late for afternoon prayer!" You shove him out the way and continue collecting your things. You have been late to afternoon prayer for the past two weeks and were already walking on a thin line with the Seraphims, you couldn't afford to be late again, "I have to go."
Lucifer pulls you back to him with a slight frown, "So soon? But this might be our last time together for awhile. I have that council meeting today."
"For what? Don't tell me this about your dreams and aspirations?" By the way Lucifer looked away from you you knew it was exactly that, "You can't bring that to the council members, they will see it as a threat to everything they have built."
"And have you ever asked yourself why that is? They should embrace change, not run away from it." Lucifer says, his facial expression serious, "I can prove to them that change is positive, something good!"
You shake your head, "Don't be a fool Lucifer."
"Why can't you just support this? Support me? Is change so bad?!"
"If it's going to cost you your life Lucifer, then I can't support it." You place your free hand on his check. The pad of your thumb grazing his soft skin comfortingly, "I won't support you in this."
Silence falls over you two and for a moment you thought that your friend had finally seen through to reason but it was the exact opposite. Your heart broke and you knew that your support was the one thing he ever wanted from you and you denied him that. There was this quiet heartbreak you felt in your chest, realizing that you had lost not only your lover but your friend as well.
Lucifer's hand comes up to grip your wrist, gently pulling you away from him, "With or without you, I will do this. I will show them. Show everyone." You could only watch as he turns from you and flies away, leaving you to be covered by his shadow and retreating back.
"That pride of yours," You whispered, hands clenched tightly into fist at your sides as you felt tears leave your eyes, "Will be your downfall, Lucifer."
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You sat up in the water suddenly, gasping for air as you felt someone violently shake you. You sputtered and coughed up what felt like a lung, water trickled down and into your eyes making your vision blurry for a few seconds before you could blink them away to focus on the person who was kneeled next to the tub, concerned clearly etched across their face as they looked at you. You blinked away the water, the blurry figure now forming into none other than Lysandra.
"Goodness, dear! Do you know how dangerous it is to fall asleep in the bath?" Rushing to grab a towel that was hanging on a rack, Lysandra lets you put all of your weight on her as she helps you out the tub, wrapping the fuzzy warm towel around your nude body, "You're lucky I saw the water coming from under the door! What on earth were you thinking?" "I had the strangest dream.." You start to say, breathless and panting but Lysandra shushes you, helping you dry off and get warm as she leads you out the bathroom, fully intending on not leaving your side for the rest of the night.
"Hush, your mind must be in shambles poor thing," The elderly woman leads you back into your bedroom, "A nice cup of calming tea should do the trick. Now stay here and don't move."
You were still in shock to even register your current reality anymore. That dream you had felt too real, almost as if it had just happened. Why was Lucifer in it? Why were you an Angel? Why were you in heaven? You dismissed it as nothing more than your mind playing tricks on you. This only happened because of your growing connection to Lucifer. It was nothing of importance right? Dreams come from imagination- but there was a part of your mind that knew that dreams could also stem from memories.
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torukmaktoskxawng · 10 months
Text
our paths crossing
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Pairing: Tsu’tey x Avatar!Reader + Adopted!Spider
Summary: Tsu’tey is given a second chance at life, but not even Eywa could convince him to accept it. 
Word Count: 9k+
Warnings: single mom power, generational trauma, parental manipulation (tsu’tey’s parents suck), fluff
Na'vi words used: pa'li - direhorse, nivi - hammock, olo'eyktan - clan leader, ikran - mountain banshee, Iknimaya - Rite of Passage, marui - home, oel ngati kameie - I See you, taronyutsyìp - little hunter, teylupil prrnen - teylu face baby, niktsyey - food/leaf wrap, tsaheylu - bond, sa'nok - mother, Uniltaron - Dream Hunt, irayo - thank you, tawtute - human, tswin - queue braid, maitan - my son, sa'sem - parents, taronyu - hunter, tsahik - spiritual leader, tsakarem - tsahik in training, meresh'ti cau'pla - banshee catcher
A/N: This was heavily inspired by other Tsu’tey works written by @simps256 @byunpum @shu-box-puns and @little-box-of-autism on Tumblr, and @ AlexiHollis on Ao3
~~~~~~~~~
PANDORA, 2154+
Everything is connected, one way or another. From the tiny stem of a plant, to the pa'li that steps on it, and to the ginormous tree looming over it. Pandora is made up of various different sizes of networks, from microscopic to gigantic. Some are easier to see than others. The network of tree branches and roots is clearly visible, but there are small ones, not physically distinct, and Eywa can see it all as clear as day.
The same goes for two souls. When two Na'vi-- when two souls mate, they are mated for life. It won't matter if they met when they were children or if their paths meet when they are old and wrinkled. Two souls are still two souls, meant for each other no matter how or when they meet.
Tsu'tey, like all Na'vi, believed this to be true. Sylwanin was the soul meant for him, ever since they were children. However, Eywa had other plans in mind for the young couple and destiny tragically separated them, forever shattering their former entwined paths. Later in life, Tsu'tey finally accepted that all things happen for a reason, and perhaps in another life, Sylwanin would have been his mate. But in this life, Eywa protects the balance of it all and in order for Jake Sully to one day arrive and save this beautiful world, beautiful souls like Sylwanin would have to be sacrificed. Tsu'tey came to terms with this one day, weeks after the battle against the Sky People.
He had plenty of time to think about many things, lying in his nivi and resting from his injuries. As Toruk Makto, Jake happily took temporary command of the Omatikaya clan whilst their olo'eyktan healed from his wounds. It would be a long journey for Tsu'tey, but those who respect him and call him 'brother' were just happy he survived that fall and all those gunshots. At first, he was not as happy or even relieved. Why would Eywa deny him the chance to see Sylwanin again? As he took time to heal, he eventually mourned properly for the first time in years and was able to heal mentally as well as physically. Tsu'tey had finally managed to let his young love go, may she rest in peace.
In return for his loyalty and devotion, Eywa rewarded her olo'eyktan with a gift fit for a good man. However, it would be years before he graciously accepted it.
Tsu'tey was always aware of the other sky demons possessing Na'vi bodies. He had seen many over the years, especially when he was just a student in Grace Augustine's school. He had always found them strange and ugly and didn't hesitate to let Jake know how he felt about his appearance. Jake never took it to heart and eventually learned to laugh at such comments. Tsu'tey grimaced, almost hating the fact that Jake was getting used to him. The other dreamwalkers --"Avatars, brother, they're called avatars,"-- never really got used to him but they greatly respected him, especially after Tsu'tey allowed them to live among the Omatikaya once the rest of the Sky People were sent off-world. He had accepted these 'scientists' and 'avatars' into his village, much to Toruk Makto's influence, and so therefore, over time, Tsu'tey began to treat them all as part of the People-- his people.
As he accepted the sky demons, he also began to learn their names. One of which he was always aware of but had never bothered to learn her name.
Y/n was an avatar driver and a scientist. Even though she hadn't been on Pandora for long, she had been allowed to visit Hometree several times before its destruction, always tagging along when either Grace or Norm Spellman visited. She was part of the young group of scientists who had received an avatar before the battle against the Sky People that actively cut off the scientists' funding to make more, therefore she would be one of the last of them, as would Norm and Jake. In many ways, it was like watching the end of a species that would cease to exist once the avatars all died out. That is until children like Kiri and Lo'ak were born.
By the time Neytiri bore Jake their first son and had adopted Grace's daughter born of mysterious circumstances, Tsu'tey had begun to notice that Y/n was not just a random avatar who opted to stay on Pandora. She had also opted into becoming a mother.
It was safe to say Tsu'tey didn't know of Spider's existence firmly because the baby wasn't old enough to wear a mask and exo-pack yet, therefore he had never visited the village. It wasn't until the fierce olo'eyktan followed Jake to the functional biolab of Hell's Gate one day did he finally meet the next generation of Sky People. At first, Spider was strange to him. With a full head of yellow curls, pink skin, and a gummy smile, Tsu'tey gained enough willpower not to verbally comment about how the sky demons' offspring were even uglier than the avatars. Jake had asked him to be civil prior to this meeting, so he indulged his brother out of respect for Toruk Makto.
If Y/n had seen how put-off Tsu'tey was by her son, she didn't mention it. In fact, she barely acknowledged the clan leader, instead devoting her time to making sure her adventurous toddler didn't get into any trouble. Much to all the scientists' dismay, the child had learned to run before he could walk, therefore the attempts to baby-proof the whole place had been frantic and half-assed at best. But wherever Spider ran, Y/n was not too far behind him, always making a game of the chase and making the toddler laugh until his sides hurt.
From what Tsu'tey had learned, Spider is not Y/n's child by blood. The baby had been left behind when the Sky People left, too young for space travel. Everyone was positive that his biological mother was killed during the Battle of the Hallelujah Mountains, and as for his father... from vague descriptions, Tsu'tey had gathered who the man was and decided not to ask any further. Now, in replace of Spider's biological parents came Y/n. Even though the scientists were all more than happy to help raise the kid together as a village, Y/n had become his sole guardian, claiming that Spider should always have that one person to rely on before all others. She had gone on record stating that the boy needs a mother before a village and he shouldn't be treated as an object or a pet the Sky People pass around. No one questioned her, especially when shown how everything she does she does it for the boy and not for her own selfish needs. The scientists all proudly took the roles of aunts and uncles to the boy, but by all rights except blood, Y/n was Spider's mother. She fed and bathed the baby, clothed him, nurtured him, and sang songs to get him to sleep. Sure, she would let the other scientists help with Spider if she needed to take her avatar out for a drive, but she was determined to be Spider's family when no one had formally stepped up.
Even though he didn't realize it back then, Tsu'tey had come to greatly admire Y/n for her sacrifice and determination to raise a child all on her own. She didn't expect anyone to help and she took motherhood in stride. She acted as if she was always meant to be a mother and she had been waiting for this moment her whole life. After first meeting Spider, Tsu'tey wouldn't visit Hell's Gate for some time and didn't often think about the human child or his mother. It would be years before Tsu'tey is reacquainted with them, their paths crossing once more, and only because Spider was finally old enough to wear a mask.
PANDORA, 2163
Spider was nine years old when he first donned a breathing mask and ventured out into the vast world of Pandora, leaving the square walls of the biolab behind him. The scientists had made it into a whole celebration like it was his birthday, providing gifts of Na'vi-make and even a cake before he got too antsy and was ready to go outside. His mother was equally excited for him. Dawning her avatar, Y/n brought Spider outside after triple-checking that his mask was firmly in place. She first let the boy wander into the treeline a little bit to get the feeling of grass beneath his feet and let him try to climb the trees like the little spider monkey he was named after. He had struggled to climb the first couple of tries but managed to get the hang of it before Y/n took him on a ride aboard her ikran that she had tamed only a few years prior.
While Norm was able to gain a banshee not long after the war, Y/n had decided to wait out her training to become a Na'vi warrior due to raising a human child who couldn't go everywhere with her. Once Spider was old enough not to need his mother every minute of the day, she finally felt comfortable with occasionally leaving Hell's Gate and learning the ways of the Omatikaya. The start of her Iknimaya went smoothly due to the number of teachers she had, and eventually, she came home flying her very own ikran. Spider squealed and laughed from his bedroom window at the sight of the creature, already in love as if his mother had just brought a stray cat home. Y/n immediately sat her son down to gently let him know that an ikran is not a pet and demands respect and space. However, the ikran appeared more than happy to act like the family pet, curiously watching Spider from behind the window and resting right underneath said window whenever the creature wasn't out flying.
And when Spider was finally allowed to go outside, the boy and ikran finally got to officially meet. It was like watching a rescued animal find its forever home. Immediately cozying up and trusting the nine-year-old, the ikran allowed Spider to hug its whole face in his arms while jumping up and down happily. With excitement, Spider begged his mother to take him on a ride and finally, he got to learn what it was like to fly.
Y/n immediately flew Spider to the village so he can lay eyes on all the Na'vi for the first time. The People were happy to greet the child after hearing so many stories from his mother. The Omatikaya had grown to love Y/n and the other scientists as part of the People once they had begun to learn the Na'vi way and tame their own banshees, so when the Na'vi were finally introduced to Spider, it was like meeting the first grandbaby of the family! Everyone wanted to hold Spider due to the fascination of the fact he was still so small at his age, and the kid happily ate up all the attention. Through his excitement, he kept jumping between languages when speaking, but most of the Omatikaya were able to grasp the boy's words with ease and would respond in kind. Eventually, Y/n managed to bring her kid to the Sully marui without too many people resisting, and so Spider got to meet his best friends for the first time.
Jake and Neytiri excitedly welcomed Spider, hugging him and dragging him inside like he was a nephew who had been far away from home for far too long. Y/n followed them into the home, smiling fondly as Spider was introduced to Neteyam, Kiri, and Lo'ak. All three Sully kids were very bug-eyed and curious about this new friend. And for the first time since arriving in the village, Spider was suddenly shy with all the attention he was getting. He ran back to Y/n and hid behind her legs, nervously holding her tail while peeking at the kids behind his mask. The adults all laughed while the Sully kids continued to ask Spider questions until finally, he got comfortable enough to come out of hiding. Y/n and Spider stayed for dinner that evening after the kids begged their parents to let them stay so Spider could play. Once they got over poking and prodding Spider with interest, the two Na'vi boys and girl kept dragging him everywhere, frantically wanting to show him all their toys and favorite hiding spots, acting like he was leaving forever the moment he and Y/n would eventually step out of their home. The adults calmly remind the children that now that Spider is big enough to wear a mask, both he and Y/n would be coming back to the village as many times as they want, but that didn't convince the kids to slow down.
Tsu'tey was invited to dinner as well, but due to his responsibilities, he arrived late and could only stay for a little while. Y/n happily greeted him like an old friend -they had only met a few times over the years-, pressing her fingers to her forehead and lowering them in his direction, "Olo'eyktan. Oel ngati kameie."
Tsu'tey gestured in response out of respect but otherwise said nothing. Had he still been younger and just a warrior, Tsu'tey would've been able to help mentor Y/n during her Iknimaya trials. But due to being olo'eyktan now, he had to hand down those responsibilities to someone who had the time to do so, therefore his meetings with Y/n were far, and few in-between. As she was training, there were communal dinners where both parties were cordial to one another, entertaining small talk but otherwise keeping their respective distance. Y/n had become closer to Jake, Neytiri, and their growing family, therefore she and Tsu'tey saw each other more than usual but still in passing, like two ships in the night. Tsu'tey was like a teacher and an uncle to the Sully children, while Y/n was becoming to be a friend of the family. Now that Spider was in the picture, Tsu'tey had a feeling he had not seen the last of the mother and son.
If everyone thought Spider was shy meeting the Sully kids, they had not seen Spider meeting Tsu'tey. The boy immediately straightened his back and froze like a deer in headlights. Despite being shy and refusing to say a word, the human child looked at Tsu'tey in awe of him, recognizing his station as the clan leader of the Omatikaya. Y/n laughed and gathered her son up in her arms when he couldn't move, facing Tsu'tey so both Na'vi man and human child could get a better look at each other, "Spider, this is Tsu'tey te Rongloa Ateyo'itan. You've met before, but you were too little to remember. He is olo'eyktan. Do you remember what we say when greeting someone new?"
Under Tsu'tey's stare, Spider's hand shook as he brought his tiny fingers to the top brim of his breathing mask before lowering it in the Na'vi man's direction, speaking just above a whisper, "O-- Oel ngati kameie..."
The marui is silent and the boy waits with bated breath. To Spider's credit and everyone's amazement, Tsu'tey thinly smiled and made the same hand movement back to the child, "You speak very good, taronyutsyìp. Your mother and other caretakers have taught you well."
Spider's frozen shock had broken in exchange for a large, beaming wide smile, staring at Tsu'tey as if the man had just handed him the world. Y/n smiled at her adorable son's reaction and gratefully nodded to Tsu'tey before the moment was broken by none other than Jake's teasing, "How come you weren't complimenting me when I was learning, brother?"
"Because you were a teylupil prrnen who had to hold Neytiri's hand every step of the way," Tsu'tey was quick to respond but made sure to only speak in a hushed voice which only the adults could hear.
Neytiri playfully scolded Tsu'tey for his language and shoved a small niktsyey into his hands before he could leave, all the children confused as to why both Jake and Y/n were laughing to the point they had missed Tsu'tey sneaking out of the pod.
~~~~~~~~~
That was indeed, not the last time Tsu'tey would see Y/n and Spider. The next time they visited the village was a week later, and Tsu'tey wasn't even aware of their presence until his evening tasks were disrupted by a small force running into his legs and hugging them tightly. Startled into looking down, Tsu'tey found Little Spider, not even standing up to the height of the chief's knees, clinging to his strong blue legs for dear life while beaming up at him through his mask. Spider laughed due to Tsu'tey's reaction and paid no mind to his mother when she finally arrived. Tsu'tey didn't even notice Y/n until she stood in front of him, looking guilty and apologetic.
"Forgive me, ma olo'eyktan. He didn't want to go home until he got to see you."
Her ears pinned back against her head, tail drooping as she stared anxiously at the usually fierce and stone-faced clan leader. She looked tired, likely from a long day of following her child everywhere while he went on these new, exciting adventures around the village and surrounding forest. Y/n had volunteered to take Spider and the Sully kids to the nearby river so they could play and let off some steam. Jake and Neytiri had gratefully accepted the offer, ready to have some time away from their children for the first time in years. One look at the female avatar and Tsu'tey could tell just how drained she had been from watching all four children who barely grasp the idea of being 'careful.'
Years later, Tsu'tey will not be able to recall what came over him, but in a split-second decision, he bent down and scooped the little human boy into his arms, much to Spider's delight who squealed and laughed happily. To no one's surprise, the pink-skinned child was lighter than a basket of banana fruit and didn't struggle when Tsu'tey lifted him up over his head until the boy was sitting on his strong, broad shoulders. Spider dutifully grabbed onto Tsu'tey's braids to stay upright, eyes widening in joy and wonderment as he looked around, seeing the world from a new height that Spider could only dream of.
Tsu'tey made no sound to acknowledge his decision, despite already clocking a few bystanders who had stopped to stare at their olo'eyktan in shock before he turned to Y/n, speaking as blunt and firm as always, "He has seen me. Now let's get him to your ikran."
Initially surprised, Y/n could only nod and obediently led the Na'vi man in the direction of the claimed ikran rookery. They walked in silence apart from Spider's ramblings, beaming and waving down at all the Na'vi they passed by. Tsu'tey stubbornly ignores the stares, keeping his head held high and his gaze ahead of him, still exuding the confident, proud walk of a chief without ever acknowledging the sky demon child sitting up on his shoulders. Spider wasn't bothered by his silence, still babbling about all the things he did today and excitedly exclaiming how he couldn't wait until next time. They finally walk up to Y/n's ikran and without a word, she formed tsaheylu and expertly hopped up into her saddle, bending down to accept Spider from Tsu'tey once the man plucked the kid from his shoulders. Taking this time to admire the handiwork Y/n put into making her ikran's saddle as she secured her son in front of her, Tsu'tey nearly made a fool of himself by staring and immediately shook out of his thoughts.
"Now, boy," Tus'tey spoke carefully, lowering his voice so as not to startle the child as he stepped away from the banshee, eyeing Spider with a stern expression, "Be good for your sa'nok the rest of the night. Do not give her trouble and do as your told."
"Yes, sir!" Spider puffed out his chest and dutifully nodded, excited to follow an order straight from the Omatikaya's olo'eyktan.
Y/n huffed in amusement before flashing Tsu'tey a small smile of gratitude, "Thank you, Tsu'tey."
"Get some rest, my friend," Tsu'tey firmly nods back, "That's an order."
To his internal surprise, Y/n laughs, and even though he was confused, Spider laughed with her. Tsu'tey didn't react to their laughter, every muscle in his face coming together to keep as firm and as serious as he could manage. He wasn't sure when was the last time a woman laughed at something he said. Normally, no one laughed at Tsu'tey, believing he was too serious and he was taken as seriously as one could manage. It wasn't as though he was trying to be funny, but it was like Y/n could see something behind his eyes that told her that at this very moment, she didn't have to treat him as the clan leader. Perhaps it was the way he called her 'friend' that made her realize that she didn't have to be so formal around him. Either way, he didn't plan on correcting her manners.
Tsu'tey couldn't remember when they eventually flew away, back to Hell's Gate. He could only remember standing there like an idiot even after the mother and son were out of sight, their gentle, sweet laughter still echoing in his ears.
~~~~~~~~~
It became a sort of tradition. After a long day of being in the village, Spider would always escape his mother and run to Tsu'tey every time she told her son it was time to go home. After the first three times he did this, both Tsu'tey and Y/n just silently agreed to go along with it and indulge the child in his little tradition. Every evening Y/n and Spider were visiting the clan, the olo'eyktan could count on the young boy to find him like clockwork, then Tsu'tey will, again, lift Spider up onto his shoulders and follow Y/n back to her ikran.
Tsu'tey noticed that the mother and child were visiting the village more and more and he chalked it up to be because Neytiri had just announced that she was pregnant again. Everyone was ecstatic, especially the children. Knowing that a new baby was on the way, Spider could be spotted around the Sully marui almost every single day. The kid was in awe at the idea of meeting someone who was finally going to be smaller than him, at least for a little while. He also fully ramped the other Sully kids up, getting them to be excited for another little sibling, especially Lo'ak, who was ready to finally be a big brother instead of the youngest.
As tradition goes, the People would gift the expecting parents food and necessities in preparation for the unborn child. It was a good way to help Jake and Neytiri focus on their growing family and pay more attention to their three children instead of worrying about getting much-needed supplies ready for the baby. After Y/n explained this tradition to her son, Spider was determined to also present a gift to Jake and Neytiri, and who else could possibly help him with that but none other than Tsu'tey?
The olo'eyktan helps the boy, despite the nagging voice in the back of his head, and tries his best to help when he has the time. If Tsu'tey is not making his usual errands, he can be found with the human boy who practically drags him through the forest, looking for appropriate items to gift the Sullys. Y/n usually goes with them, never too far from her son, therefore she finds herself in Tsu'tey's company more than she ever has in all the years she's known him. And he doesn't appear bothered by it. In fact, he inwardly looks forward to these small adventures, feeling like a young warrior again who could freely leave the village without too many responsibilities weighing down his shoulders. Either Spider blindly takes the two adults through the trees without any idea of where he was heading, or he lets Tsu'tey take the lead, always excited for where the chief will take them now. The three of them do this for an entire week until Spider presents Neytiri with a beautiful bracelet with six, various different colors of beads to represent how many people will soon be in her family. Neytiri's smile was like starlight, so wide and emotional as she pulls the small boy into her arms, kissing the glass of his mask as tears stream down her cheeks. After Spider asks her why she was crying, she was quick to reassure him that they were happy tears and tells him how much she loved his gift, all the while Tsu'tey and Y/n are standing off to the side, fondly watching this scene take place.
It was an eye-opening moment for the usually fierce, stone-faced olo'eyktan. He had been standing so close to Y/n, closer than he had ever allowed himself to be with anyone, while they both watched Spider beam up at Neytiri and happily ramble about his adventures while finding the perfect beads for his bracelet. As the child explained that Tsu'tey and Y/n always went with him, even Neytiri looked surprised, glancing up at the two other adults with her ears flicking with interest. Tsu'tey swallowed and stood firm, trying not to appear nervous under the Na'vi woman's gaze.
Neither Spider nor Y/n noticed this brief interaction as the boy finally turns back to his mother and the olo'eyktan, remembering their presence and running toward them, cheering, "She liked it! She liked it!"
"I can see that," Y/n smiled, giggling as she bent down to receive Spider, picking him up in her arms without a sweat. Normally, it's a struggle in her human body to lift him up as he continues to grow, but as an avatar, it's like holding a three-year-old again. Oh, how she missed those days.
Still in Y/n's arms, Spider reaches for Tsu'tey, making grabby hands at the man who stood close enough for the boy to touch him. Tsu'tey nearly froze under the boy's attention, his own tongue betraying him when he couldn't find anything to say. It was too domestic, watching the way Spider looked for approval from both Y/n and Tsu'tey. Watching as both Spider's and Y/n's eyes land on him nearly takes his breath away, as if seeing the pair of them through rose-tinted glasses for the first time. And while standing so close, Tsu'tey can almost pretend, just for a moment, that Spider was not just any child, but his, the child wanting to share the events of his day as he had run to both Tsu'tey and his mother like they came as a pair, not just one or the other.
This was the first time Tsu'tey ever realized the gift Eywa was offering to him, but at the time was too cowardly to accept it. Taking one last look at the way Spider leaned his soft pink head on Y/n's blue shoulder, Tsu'tey looked away, purposely engraving the sight of those two small brown and gold pairs of eyes staring questionably up at him.
Even though there was no need to go out into the forest anymore, Tsu'tey still insisted on taking the mother and son out on adventures under the guise that it was time Spider learned how to gather and forage. Tsu'tey firmly stated that the boy needed to recognize certain plants before he could ever learn to become a hunter. Spider perked up at this idea, cheering and running to Neteyam, Kiri, and Lo'ak to brag about his upcoming lessons. Y/n appeared hesitant at first -call it a mother's concern- but eventually accepted the idea, happily tagging along so she could witness her son's first lesson.
One lesson became two, then three, then four, five, and six. Eventually, Tsu'tey had lost count of the number of days he had squeezed in time to teach Spider the ways of the Na'vi. It had been weeks, easily, and he had no intention of stopping. He was exhausted between his usual duties and his newly acquired student, but Tsu'tey would only have to look as far as Spider and Y/n's smiles to think it was all worth it.
Before he knew it, Y/n had fully completed her Iknimaya. After surviving the Uniltaron, she was painted and born a second time as one of the People. The whole clan was happy for her, and even Tsu'tey bore a small but genuine smile as he stood before her as her olo'eyktan and welcomed her into the Omatikaya clan, placing his arms on her shoulders as everyone else followed suit, creating an overflowing circle of Na'vi all around her.
With Y/n being recognized as a member of the clan, Tsu'tey feels a small barrier break between them. Something unspoken had come to light and before he could argue with himself, Tsu'tey had done something he hadn't done in a while.
His carving skills needed improvement after so many years of nonuse, but it was still a talent he possessed. The next time he spotted Y/n and Spider in the village, he boldly approached them without a second thought. Spider saw him first and excitedly ran to Tsu'tey, hugging his legs until the olo'eyktan crouched down to his height. Y/n walked up to them just as Tsu'tey held out his hand to the boy, "For you, Spider."
Spider greedily held out both of his hands with wide, bewildered eyes just as Tsu'tey handed him a simple but perfectly carved wooden pa'li toy. Spider initially stood there, shocked, staring down at the toy while Tsu'tey began to shuffle uncomfortably on his heels, "I understand if you think you are too big for toys--"
His backtracking was quickly interrupted by Spider lunging at him, throwing his little arms around the man's neck before practically squeezing the air out of him. Tsu'tey let out a gust of wind at the impact, unaware that the kid had that much strength in such a small body. It took a moment, but eventually, Tsu'tey began to awkwardly pat the boy on the back while Spider continued to hug fiercely.
Y/n was biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling and was failing miserably, the smile stretching far enough to make her facial muscles hurt. Tsu'tey bravely peered up at her and offered his best, closed-mouth smirk, despite still awkwardly holding the child in his arms. Y/n took a deep breath and was able to rein in the smile until it was small and gentle, clearing her throat to get her son's attention, "What do you say, Spider?"
"Thank you. Irayo, " Spider whispered into Tsu'tey's ear before finally pulling away, clutching the pa'li toy in one hand while his mother took the other. Slowly, they both walk away but would occasionally look back at Tsu'tey with those sweet, dazzling smiles that make Tsu'tey feel as though he had just lifted a mountain that was in the mother and son's path. After they disappeared into the crowd, he finally stood back up, stubbornly ignoring all the stares the scene no doubt caused before going about his day as normally as he could.
Once almost every week, Tsu'tey would have something new to offer Spider. It could be a toy, small bracelets, armbands, or even Na'vi child-sized clothes, Tsu'tey would make them all for the small human child. Spider's personal favorite was the small bow, already strung up and carved to his tiny size with equally small, harmless arrows. Over time, Spider was becoming more accustomed to Na'vi culture and started to wear his hair in beads and braids and continuously wore a loincloth. The Sully kids were eager to help Spider form his new style but it wasn't hard to get the supplies, seeing as though Tsu'tey had already provided Spider with everything he needed to complete the look. Each gift was more thoughtful and appreciative than the last, and each time, seeing the look on both mother and child's faces made Tsu'tey feel a thousand times lighter.
He thought he was being subtle, but that was far from the truth. Nearly everyone could see it apart from himself. He knew he had been a fool to believe otherwise when he was abruptly visited by his parents, cornering him in his own marui.
"What is this about you courting a demon?" His mother, Artsut, sternly asked.
"I am not courting anyone." He easily answered without hesitation.
"That is not what we heard. The People say their olo'eyktan has taken a liking to the dreamwalker they call Y/n and her demon child."
"Is that truly what the People say, Mother? Or is it just you?" Tsu'tey accused, eyes narrowed on her, "From what I have seen, the People love Y/n and Spider."
"Spider?" His father, Ateyo, repeated the name on his tongue and screwed up his nose, "What a strange name."
"This is not acceptable," Artsut shook her head, "You should have taken Saeyla as your mate when you had the chance. At least she is one of the People and she would have accepted you."
Tsu'tey nodded in agreement, but kept his face impassive, "Yes. She would have. But I will not have her and she will not have me. She is mated with Ka'ani now."
"You should have chosen her the moment Neytiri ran off to mate with a tawtute."
His eyes darken a shade of color and his parents are quickly reminded that they spoke to the olo'eyktan, one of said tawtute's strongest allies who was quick to defend Jake Sully after years of friendship, "You will not address Toruk Makto in such a way. And I do not want you to ever speak of Y/n as if she is not Omatikaya. She has learned our ways and had successfully completed her Iknimaya. In time, her son will follow her footsteps."
The sneer on his mother's face was potent as ever, "Do you actually believe that a sky demon can complete the task of becoming a warrior when he doesn't even have a tswin? Even if he were to be accepted as one of the People, he will struggle all his life and suffer without the means of bonding with the Forest, the animals, or even other Na'vi! You are olo'eyktan and your duty to the People also involves having heirs to succeed you! Raising this human child alongside this dreamwalker will end your line!"
Her voice had only ever risen higher until his father gently placed a withered hand on her shoulder. Artsut immediately silences herself while Ateyo turns to Tsu'tey, "Maitan. Tell us the truth. Are you courting this woman?"
Tsu'tey grits his teeth, staring both of them down, "I am not."
The words are bitter on his tongue, distasteful. What he would give to say otherwise and make his parents flinch as if in pain. His mother shook her head, her tone quieter but still accusatory, "Others have seen you gift the child many things. Do you think we are blind and deaf? We hear whispers, Tsu'tey. We hear that to win Y/n's heart is to dote on her son. You may not be courting the woman with gifts for her, but you are courting her with gifts for her son."
The marui grew in unpalpable silence. Tsu'tey remained quiet, unable to deny it, but kept his gaze sharp and locked onto Ateyo and Artsut. Ever since he became Eytukan's heir as olo'eyktan, he had learned to stop listening to his parents constantly whispering in his ears. He had quickly realized how poisonous they were, hungry for power, believing they know the will of Eywa better than anyone, even Mo'at. He had thought he had fed their thirst for power after becoming olo'eyktan, but that still wasn't good enough for them. For years now, they have shaped Tsu'tey's younger brother, Arvok, into their preferred image now that their golden son had chosen his own path without their consent. Tsu'tey wished his brother had learned to stop leading by their influence and start forming his own future, but has been unable to advise Arvok to do so, given how busy he is as the clan leader. On top of growing up in Tsu'tey's shadow until recent years, Arvok has no part of himself that their parents didn't twist and manipulate. Arvok was no longer his own person and it broke Tsu'tey's heart to watch from a distance, unable to save his brother from himself.
A wave of guilt washes over Tsu'tey but he strongly holds firm, blatantly refusing to let his emotions show, let alone in front of his sa'sem. He regrets not taking Arvok under his wing. He regrets taking time to be with Y/n and Spider and none to be with his own flesh and blood. Perhaps a small part of himself believed he could help his brother if he could help someone as hopeless as Spider, someone who couldn't truly become one of the People, just like his parents said--
'No. That is not you talking. Already they are trying to spin their words to make it sound like your own. Do not let them poison you.'
His own thoughts drown out all the doubt and regret and so Tsu'tey shakes his head to be rid of them with a deep, dark snarl, baring his fangs at his mother and father, "You forget yourselves. You forget your place. You are right about one thing. I am olo'eyktan, and I don't take orders from you. I will never listen to you or agree with you because every word that falls from your mouth is like a sharp blade in my ears. Your ways are of the past when I, your chief, aim toward the future. By the laws of our people, Y/n is taronyu, and Spider is her son. That is enough for me, and I order you to keep whatever you have to say about that woman and her child to yourselves from now on."
~~~~~~~~~
Despite holding firm against Ateyo and Artsut, Tsu'tey couldn't help but feel sour for the rest of the week about what was said in the confinements of that room. Their lecture plus Eytukan's teachings continued to ring in his ears, unable to let him rest. They were right that as olo'eyktan, it was his duty to find a proper heir to take his place and guide the People after he is gone. He could sire an heir or choose one from the clan, but he must choose wisely, nevertheless.
For years, Tsu'tey never worried about heirs. He was openly adamant in wishing Jake Sully to take his place should something untimely happen to him. Toruk Makto had sons and a daughter with possibly another on the way. At the very least, Jake's line of succession was secure if he was olo'eyktan.
But Tsu'tey was alone.
It didn't help that as olo'eyktan, he was still in need of a mate who would one day become tsahik. Mo'at has made it very clear to him, "I am not getting any younger. I will need at least three seasons to train a woman before she can become tsahik."
Neytiri was no longer tsakarem due to choosing Jake as her mate, and while Kiri was a good option for Mo'at to take under her wing, the young girl was still too young to worry about such responsibility. Tsu'tey was positive that Mo'at would rather have her granddaughter become tsahik over whoever he chose as a mate, but he was positive it was due to favoritism. Mo'at would rather teach family over a stranger, and Tsu'tey couldn't blame her for that. Her own legacy was shattered due to losing her first daughter and becoming estranged from the other, neither of who was capable of becoming tsahik like their mother one day.
The harsh reminder of Sylwanin made Tsu'tey's stomach clench with guilt and despair. He had moved past her death years ago, but at the idea of him finally moving on, the phantom pain returned to make him feel regret all over again.
She was meant to be his mate for life, and this all felt as though he was betraying her.
Tsu'tey let his feet take them to a destination, and they end up leading him to the Sully marui. Inside, Neytiri was alone since Jake decided to take the kids fishing with Spider and Y/n, her baby bump becoming more visible by the day. Looking up and recognizing Tsu'tey, she only held his gaze with a smug, all-knowing expression.
He scowled while walking further into the home, sitting across from her, "I assume you heard the rumors."
She shrugged, smirking, "I think everyone has heard or seen something or other. The question is whether or not it's true."
The man hesitates, unable to form the proper words he wanted to say. Here sat his young love's sister, someone who would know better than anyone how he feels because she suffers the same pain and loss every day. And yet... like Sylwanin, he felt as though he was betraying Neytiri as well, "I... I don't know."
Her gaze narrows at him, surprised and under scrutiny, "You don't know?"
"I thought I did," Tsu'tey confessed, his eyes only gazing at the small fire between them, "I was ready to take and bring both of them into my care."
"Then what's stopping you?" She carefully watches him as they sat in silence, letting it linger and simmer like the meat she had just hung over the fire. When Tsu'tey had yet to look up, Neytiri had discovered the answer on her own, "Sylwanin?"
Solemnly, he nods, "We were promised to each other. It is a promise meant forever."
Her posture relaxes, relenting whatever tease she planned on dishing him out in exchange for pity. Her words were gentle as she spoke, forlorn and sympathetic, "You were not mated yet, Tsu'tey, and it was many, many years ago. You are allowed to grieve, mourn, and miss my sister. But I think she would understand if you had fallen for someone else."
Leaning forward to the best of her ability in her condition, she reaches and grabs tightly onto Tsu'tey's hand. Finally, once his eyes met hers, Neytiri whispered, "She wouldn't want you to be alone forever."
She lets him think about what she said, turning back to the food she was preparing in silence. Neytiri lets Tsu'tey hide away in her home, stewing with his thoughts as the village moves on about their day around them. Before eclipse could even make an appearance, Jake and Y/n return with the children from their fishing trip. Looking up, both Neytiri and Tsu'tey take note of how exhausted all the kids look, especially Spider, who was passed out cold in Jake's arms alongside Kiri.
Jake smiles at his wife before turning to Tsu'tey to properly greet him, "Brother. I'd offer you my arm, but I kinda got my hands full."
"So I see," Tsu'tey huffed, slightly amused at the sight before his gaze flicks over to the woman standing beside Jake, "And how are you, Y/n?"
She appeared startled at the question being directed at her, but quickly covered it up with a soft smile, nodding down to Tsu'tey, "I'm alright, ma olo'eyktan. Thank you."
Neytiri smirked, sparing one glance up at her husband before pretending to absentmindedly hum in thought, "Perhaps if you leave us Spider's spare mask, Y/n, you could leave him here for tonight and have at least a few hours to yourself?"
Both Neteyam and Lo'ak are suddenly wide awake, ears perking up at the mother's intention. Y/n paused, about to open her mouth when Jake beat her to it, "That's not a bad idea. He's already asleep and there isn't a reason to wake him," the female avatar turned to the male one, who's quick to reassure her, "I promise he'll be in good hands. And the kids would love to wake up in the morning to find Spider still here."
Again, the concern Y/n displayed on her face was about to voice her answer before Neteyam spoke up, keeping his voice sweet and soft, "Please, Aunt Y/n? Can Spider stay here tonight?"
Lo'ak chimed in, too, albiet a bit louder, "Can we have a sleepover? Pleeeaase?"
All the adults present quickly shushed the young boy when Kiri and Spider squirmed in their sleep but everyone relaxed when the sleeping children eventually settled back down. Jake moves further into the marui to gently place them down on the mats while Y/n turned around only to be met with two round pairs of pleading gold eyes staring up at her, both Neteyam and Lo'ak poking their bottom lips out for added measure.
Y/n snorts, playfully rolling her eyes, "Well, who could say 'no' to those charming little faces?"
Both the boys silently cheer and run in the direction of the other two sleeping children, anxious to join the growing cuddle pile. Y/n watches them go with amusement before she hands Neytiri the spare mask she always kept hooked around the belt of her cargo shorts, "I'll be back for him early in the morning."
"No need to rush," Neytiri smiled with assurance, "Just stop by for breakfast and you can take him home after."
Jake then proceeds to hand the single mother a throat mic and earpiece, "Just in case we need to contact you or you just wanna talk to him."
Y/n visibly relaxed a little at the lengths both Jake and Neytiri were going just to make her feel comfortable leaving her son with them. She dutifully nods and clips on the throat mic as Tsu'tey stands to meet her, the olo'eyktan tilting his head to the marui exit, "Let's get you to your ikran."
If she found his offer unexpected, she didn't show it and followed Tsu'tey out of the marui, unaware of the knowing look Neytiri was watching them leave with. Once they disappeared, Jake turned to his mate with a confused expression, "What was that about?"
Neytiri's eyes shine with a mischievous gleam behind those golden orbs,  "With any luck, by the end of the night, Spider will officially have a father and we will have our future tsahik."
~~~~~~~~~
Tsu'tey and Y/n mostly walked in silence back to her ikran, the beauty of the night slowly making itself known as eclipse finally arrives. Over the years, Y/n was used to how intense and silent Tsu'tey could be and no longer found these quiet interactions awkward. If anything, the silence was actually comforting.
They approach her ikran and Y/n busies herself by tending to the banshee, comforting the creature when it squawks indignant and trying to look occupied to calm her own nerves. It was possible her ikran could sense said nerves and continued to act belligerent. Eventually, Y/n turned back to the olo'eyktan and nods in gratitude, "Thank you, Tsu'tey. I'll be back again in the morning."
He only nods and so Y/n took it as a sign to take her leave as the silence lingers. Double-checking the straps of her ikran's harness, she swung her leg over the creature and grabbed her queue braid--
"Y/n..."
She looked up, "Yes?"
Concern clouded her mind as Tsu'tey's eyes briefly look away, unable to meet her gaze. His ears flick at the same speed as his eyes, betraying him of his nerves as he spoke, "Do you wish to be courted?"
Befuddled, her eyes narrow cautiously, tilting her head with curiosity. Perhaps she heard him wrong, "What?"
He took a deep breath to steady himself, straightening up to be the taller more regal olo'eyktan she had come to know him. His voice is suddenly more confident and formal as he finally looks up at her, "It would be a great honor, Y/n of the Sky People and of the Omatikaya, if you would allow me to officially court you."
Y/n could initially do nothing but sit there on the back of her ikran, frozen and dumbfounded. The silence that was once so normal and comfortable between them was now intense and tightly wound like a meresh'ti cau'pla. As the avatar woman replayed his words back in her head, she couldn't depict anything else from the proposal other than one singular word, "'Officially?'"
Tsu'tey nods while further explaining, "It was not my intention to let you believe I was only tending to your boy in the hopes of courting you, nor do I wish for you to believe that I expect something from you in exchange for training your son. Spider is a spirited child and he is lucky to have a wonderful woman for his mother. You and your son have shown me what it would look like to be a part of your family and now that I have a taste of it, I want to know more. I wish to court you not just in the hopes of being your mate, but one day-- if you and the boy will have me, I want Spider to one day look up to me as his father."
The confession was something Y/n wouldn't have expected in a million years. It wasn't as though she believed Tsu'tey to be too proud, but as the clan leader he had a reputation to uphold and a responsibility regarding the wellbeing of his people. Immediately her thoughts turned to what other Na'vi might think about their olo'eyktan taking a sky demon as his mate, someone who can walk in two bodies instead of one, an alien whose species would do unspeakable things to cheat death and go against everything Eywa stood for. She never took herself to be an insecure person, but Y/n couldn't help the fear she felt when thinking about what the Na'vi people might think about her son if she decides to allow Tsu'tey to adopt him. Sure, the Omatikaya act as though they love Spider now, but what about when they learn that their olo'eyktan's legacy depends on a boy born from the Sky People?
Despite her fears, she couldn't help but think about how much happier Spider has been around Tsu'tey and the village. Y/n thought about how the boy would suddenly become sad upon returning to the biolab and leaving his friends behind, or how when he adamantly talked, it was only about the Na'vi and the Sully kids and of course whatever Tsu'tey had taught him that day. Though Y/n and the other scientists have tried to teach Spider the ways of the Sky People with the proper education and history of their culture, the kid doesn't want anything to do with Earth and tends to stick with whatever he had learned from the Omatikaya. Over time, Y/n had told the other scientists to give it up, coming to terms that Spider didn't want to learn about where he came from, only about the home he had now and the friends he had gained. Y/n couldn't blame him. Tsu'tey was a better teacher than even Max or Norm when it came to the topics Spider wanted to actually learn about. Tsu'tey was patient but firm. Informative but vigor. On one hand, he would make sure Spider listened and held onto every word he said, but on the other, he was a good listener and would praise Spider for every achievement made in his lessons. Y/n remembered watching them with fondness, amused and delighted by their interactions. As often as she sees her son and the olo'eyktan together, the more she, too wished to see what would happen if she allowed herself to feel something for that man. The man who opened his arms out to selected Sky People, allowing them into his village. The man who took Spider under his wing despite the fact the boy was human and treated him with kindness and respect even though he didn't have to. Tsu'tey has every reason to hate the Sky People and the face Spider wears, but he doesn't, and what Y/n initially thought she felt was admiration for Tsu'tey was actually a growing love for him and his character.
But she had stamped down her feelings because she was afraid of getting Spider's hopes up. She couldn't afford to disappoint her son when he already adores Tsu'tey to no end. When Y/n opened her mouth, she whispered her own confession to the olo'eyktan anxiously waiting for an answer, "... He already does."
She watches as his eyes widen before she made the decision to hop back down from her banshee, closing in the gap between them as she took the necessary steps to stand right before Tsu'tey. She watched his eyes for a moment, looking for something, likely making sure he wasn't joking despite knowing he was the last person on this planet who would. She hadn't realized they were standing so close until she felt the warm air of his breath softly fanning her face, causing her to blink rapidly and clear her throat when her skin began to prickle into a soft blush. Ignoring her brief fluster, she allowed herself to slowly, cautiously lean forward and felt relief when Tsu'tey did as well. Their foreheads faintly touch until their movements became bolder, pressing closer until they were sharing the same tight space and combating the tense air between them. Leaning into him further, Y/n closed her eyes and basked in his embrace, "You really want this?"
His shaky exhale hits her face, her eyelashes briefly twitching but otherwise remaining closed as if afraid to open and see his expression. Tsu'tey's voice was less confident now and more breathless, unable to take in a full gulp of air in this woman's presence. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the closeness, even if only for tonight, he didn't care if it was selfish. He gently gripped her arm as he whispered, wanting to pull her even closer to him than possible, "Yes. By Eywa, yes."
Her lips twitched into a smile at the same time her heart lept in joy, "I accept your proposal."
Faintly patting his chest, she then pulled away, both of them opening their eyes and smiling shyly at one another. Y/n blindly backs away to reach her ikran, unwilling to look away until the last second, "I'll see you in the morning."
~~~~~~~~~
Also heavily inspired by illustrations called ‘our paths crossing’ by kening zhu
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Lemme know if you would like a Part 2! I was hoping to write more for this but it was starting to get long, so you decide if it should continue! Also leave a request in my inbox but be sure to check up on the rules first. Thank you!
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p-psqueak · 2 years
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(don't mind my ramble, I just need to speak into the void for a minute lol)
I can't get my hometown out of my head these days for some reason, I keep thinking about it and getting the urge to drive over there for some reason (I couldn't help myself once and it felt really weird but peaceful?) And now I can't stop thinking about taking a friend "friend" :/// and showing him everything and telling him about all the totally inconsequential things I did growing up there and I literally don't know why. Like why is this place haunting me? I don't ever want to live there again, and frankly it's one of the primary locations where my abuse occurred, but sometimes it feels like I left my heart there and I have to go back to get it?? I don't know, that sounds insane. It just literally pops into my head all the time and has for months and when I really stop to think it feels extremely important? Like I *need* to go back? But there's no real reason for that, so I don't know. I'm not a religious or spiritual person at all but it genuinely is starting to feel like something is compelling me to go there and bring someone important with me, idk
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jessicalprice · 7 months
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So I've spent a lot of time untangling Christian exegesis of parables and talking about how the way Christians interpret parables almost always ends up being antisemitic.
But aside from how it makes them think about Jews and Judaism and Jewishness, I also want to talk a bit about how it makes them sympathize more with abusers than with victims.
The easy-to-point-to culprit here is the trilogy of parables that culminates in what most Christians know as the Prodigal Son story.
The common interpretation of these parables is that God does (and therefore Christians should) value a repentant sinner over someone who's never sinned.
The problem here isn't the stories themselves--they're pretty enigmatic as far as their actual meanings--but Luke's gloss:
"Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."
(Mark says, "So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost," which is very different.
So on its face, in 2023, that's a blatantly dangerous, abuser-supporting belief. What is it like to be a child sexually abused by your youth pastor and to hear that the fact that he hurt you is part of what makes him somehow spiritually "better" than you?
And we can see it play out in the way Kevin M. Young, a popular progressive pastor on Twitter (who describes himself as "post-evangelical" and was the senior pastor at a Quaker congregation) responded to being told one of his tweets was antisemitic, and then jumped in to support a woman who responded by identifying herself as a fan of John Chrysostom (the literal author of "Against the Jews" and the most antisemitic of the Church Fathers, which is saying something).
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I'm not going to transcribe the whole thing, because it's not all that important for what I have to say about this, but I am going to call out a few lines:
"The American Christian approach to t'shuvah sees the victim's spirit, character, and speech as equally important to the offenders. I.e. in Christendom, the victim can exceed the sin of the offender simply by their reaction (if it be in sin or acted in a way that is not Spirit led)."
So, to be clear, if someone assaults you, and you don't meekly forgive them in a "Spirit led" way, you're somehow worse than they are.
The uniquely Christian brain rot here is in seeing every sin as an opportunity for forgiveness. After all, if being a repentant sinner gives you a higher spiritual status--if there's more "rejoicing in Heaven" over you--than that of your victim, then you have to sin to get there. It treats other people as props in your salvation journey, not as fellow humans whose suffering matters. (Combine that with the Christian idea that suffering is somehow virtuous in and of itself, and you've got a very toxic recipe. Not only, by abusing others, are you guaranteeing your own value as a repentant sinner, but you're giving your victim the opportunity to ennoble themselves through suffering.)
Of course, a key word here is repentant. Put a pin in that.
These sort of exchanges on Twitter--a Christian being outright genocidal toward Jews, and a supposedly progressive Christian figure jumping in to defend the Christian, with seemingly no ability to comprehend that the Jews in the conversation are human beings who may have their own trauma around violently antisemitic language, with boundless empathy for the Christian abuser and none for the Jewish targets of their abuse--happen frequently and just as frequently leave Jwitter baffled in addition to angry.
Why all this empathy for the abuser and none for the victims?
I think a lot of this comes out of progressive Christian exegesis of parables, which is frequently looking for the radical "twist" to the story.
E.g. in the story of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector, the assumption is that the audience of the time would have empathized with the Pharisee, and thus the twist is to make them empathize with the tax collector. In the story of the Good Samaritan, the assumption is that they would have seen the Samaritan as a threat, and the twist is to make him the hero.
The thinking goes that the audience would have had empathy for certain groups and none for others, so the stories push them to feel that empathy for the latter, and that this was needed to balance the scales, to make sure everyone was receiving love and empathy and care.
Except that this, in modernity, has the effect of simply reversing the roles, not balancing them. The groups that are assumed to be in good social standing get no empathy, even become the implicit villains, and the groups (supposedly, since this is now a Christian-dominant society) traditionally looked down on get all of it.
That might still be a balancing act if the "looked down on" groups were actually marginalized. But in the Christian imagination, that role is filled by sinners in need of Christian grace, not necessarily demographically marginalized groups.
The idea seems to be that the victims are getting sympathy from elsewhere, so it's the Christian's job to make sure the abuser/sinner gets sympathy too.
But I'll point again to that pesky word "repentant."
Ultimately, when it comes to treatment of Jews and Muslims and anyone else who points out that a Christian has in some way harmed them, Christian sympathy goes immediately to the offender before the offender has even expressed any repentance.
The repentant sinner is so much more valuable, at this point, than their victims that they must be preemptively forgiven, that they are more valuable purely because they now have the potential to repent.
And this seems to be lurking under not just how "progressive" pastors act on Twitter, but in a lot of our cultural narratives around, say, college rapists and their futures, around white people who are publicly called out for racist acts, etc.
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galene-gothic · 7 months
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𝖶𝗁𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝖿𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖺𝖼𝗍 𝖺𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌?
୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱
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˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES
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⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱
So, they'll be a workaholic. As independent as they'll be, they'll also be alone and kind of isolated. They'll be really guarded to date romantically which will naturally lead to them being commitment phobic. They won't be the most spiritual person, they'll be someone who'll be more grounded in reality at that time (not really to be honest, they'll be ungrounded and disconnected but will be trying to be realistic and logical). They'll be burying away their feelings and past traumas but after meeting you, they'll start gaining clarity on their fears. You'll cause them to be really confused because of their feelings for you. They won't express any of this to you at that time but they'll rationalise everything internally and feel a sense of gratitude is what I'm getting. You'll make them feel consumed, it's like when the both of you will be together, they'll feel a high but there's still some anxiety there. I feel like there'll be a lot of things left unsaid, some missed communication between the both of you and you might go through a temporary separation. About why they'll fall in love with you, there are many reasons but the main one is just how they'll feel towards you.
They'll feel like they were really mean to you and the way they'll feel towards you will just be out of control. They'll feel like even the way they acted towards you was not very controlled. This is funny, they'll fall in love with you but will be mean to you before the seperation occurs, however, you're not going to be innocent either. Your intentions seem to be innocent but because of how they'll make you feel and because of how they seem commitment phobic (they might make it clear to you that they do not have space for you in their life to be honest 😭). You'll also be cold towards them, at some point, you'll tell them something like you don't really care about what's going on in their life or something (it won't sound as mean but it'll definitely be saddening). You'll be in a very unstable place before the seperation occurs but you'll still have high expectations and standards (probably because lowering your standards earlier got you nowhere). The both of you seem to be really different from each other, maybe even opposites but there'll be something that just attracts you to each other, you'll be equally as repulsed by each other though. There's something about feelings growing very fast here, the connection has such a slow yet fast energy.
When you'll first meet them, you'll seem hyperactive in certain ways but will still have a body language and facial expressions that hint lack of energy. You might meet in an environment where you'll have to take up certain responsibilities but you'll seem too naive and playful to get things done 💀. There'll be times when you'll have small temper tantrums. There'll be some petty arguments, playful banters and drama (to be honest, it seems to be a major theme in your dynamic). There's something about you being really emotional and kind of lacking maturity. You'll teach them a lot of life lessons. After your separation ends, you'll show up as someone with a lot of integrity. I just heard "there's something called 'cause and effect'". You're going to show up as someone pretty honest too, especially with what you want in life and think that you deserve. You'll be on the right path when you'll meet them after the separation. There'll be something about you though, before your seperation they might have thought that you'd probably wait for them because they seem to have come across as a respectful person but that image will just shatter after they meet you again.
I wouldn't be surprised if you're mean to them though. You'll very much be in a 'should I stay or should I go?' energy before or after you'll meet again. You're going to be more focused on the long term so you might choose to let go of them. They'll kind of realise their feelings before your seperation occurs and after the realisation , they'll actually be in a deep reflection period. They'll come off as someone very mysterious and secretive to you. I feel like they'll just hold it close to their chest and might choose working on other things instead. They will give in to their pride and withdraw. They'll just give up, this makes me so emotional to be honest. It'll be difficult for them to control themself because their emotions will feel so raw so they'll feel like they need to get their control back by giving up instead. After you meet again after the seperation, they'll choose to be decisive. I feel like the both of you will look to the past and think about how far you've come. There'll be a sense of nostalgia that'll hit them as soon as they'll see you. I'm also getting that you'll have changed a lot, your core aspects will still be the same though. They'll choose to free themself and trust how things turn out. 'We don't talk anymore' by Selena Gomez and Charlie Puth is coming through here.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱
They'll fall in love with you because they'll learn something new through and from you. If they're an introverted person (like low-key anti-social), they could still enjoy being outdoors or around people if it's with you. People don't choose to be loyal, they either feel it or they don't and they will feel loyalty towards you. There's something about them seeing your potential and also helping them see their own potential. You'll make them feel really happy. There's something about wisdom coming through. This seems to be the classic case of 'real recognises real'. You'll feel safe around each other. 4th house and 5th house synastry seems to be significant here (could be composite too though). You will probably be mirroring each other a lot. You'll both meet each other after a very painful ending will have occurred in your lives. There's something about things just slipping through the fingers. A lot of things left unsaid, fear coming in, pushing each other away, etc. They'll fall in love with you because they'll see you as someone who's diligent and determined. They'll fall in love with you because you'll be self sufficient and independent, you'll also help them become the same way.
You'll feel like the calm after the storm to them, however, due to them not being used to the calmness, they will restrict their true feelings and character to a certain extent. They'll end up acting out of character and will be angry at you 💀. Their energy will be scattered and they'll act sort of arrogant. They'll show you unlimited potential though :(. You'll help them feel really confident so they'll naturally act confident too. There'll be times when they'll act really carefree and fun. The love between the both of you holds a certain innocence to it. They will be commitment phobic and end up expressing it in one way or another though. They'll make you feel special and you'll have a lot of fun together but they will give themself away by saying somethings that will make you feel like they aren't serious about you or you don't mean as much to them. Much like the first pile, there seems to be a separation here too. They'll be so different from most people that you'll have met but they'll not seem to be in the energy for anything serious with you which will definitely be hurtful. When they'll realise that what they feel towards you is actually love, they'll jump in and out.
The romance between the both of you (the first time) will be ungrounded and fast paced but also short lived. Even though the relationship doesn't seem to progress, spiritually the both of you will get so intimate because you'll affect each other really deeply. They will use their energy in wrong ways and will be restricting everything. They'll act really hasty, supposing they are ignoring you, it'll be in a haste. They'll end up acting like a heartbreaker and will leave you confused. They'll act really moody so you won't know how to act with them or where you stand with them. At the end, you'll feel like maybe you didn't mean as much to them as you thought you did. This is so sad, oh my god. You'll feel like they didn't care enough about you. They'll just act very selfish, I won't lie. They'll be non-committal and things will be messed up between the both of you. I don't know what will happen but the both of you will meet again, maybe they'll reach out to you. I'm certainly getting some sort of communication here. You'll both be grateful to each other and you in particular will have developed down to earth character. When they'll reach out, you'll not be the most receptive.
You'll probably have an argument or a discussion that's leaning towards you not being open to their offer. You'll tell them something like "things have ended already" or "it's better if we end things here". You'll even say something like "we're incompatible, it's not going to work". You'll have developed a strong identity by that point and will choose to come forward with self integrity. You'll be really forward with them and will try to talk to them in a mature manner. They will choose to come in slower, the energy that I'm getting is that they'll be feeling quite scattered too because you'll make it pretty clear that you don't want anything to do with them. They'll choose to give you time while still having times when they just feel torn and cold. They'll really want control over the situation again. They'll start expressing love to you through their actions rather than their words and will suggest that even if you're not lovers, you should remain as friends. They'll be generous and genuine. They'll just have good intentions for the both of you. They'll express gratitude to you very often. Due to the gratitude, it might be a bit difficult for them to let you go? Eventually, you'll give in and choose to trust them.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱
I love this because the last two piles felt draining 😭. They'll be in a calm and emotionally healthy energy when you'll meet them. They'll be caring and tolerant at that time. They'll be emotionally mature and let's just say that they'll be a good person. They'll be considerate of others but still difficult to sway morally. They'll be rising above their problems and will have learned a lot from their past. They'll be positive as they'll know that they've gotten over the worst already. They'll either have developed or will be developing good communication skills. They'll be in a place where they'll want to be honest and communicative. They'll have gained a lot of clarity on a lot of different things and will be having realisations that will be leading to breakthroughs. They'll be pretty mentally stable and will be resilient, even if their life isn't going particularly good, it'll not be going extremely bad especially because of their mindset. They'll be feeling like they can battle anything that life throws at them, they'll be feeling proud of themself too. They'll have a vision for themself and their future. Their imagination will be running wild but in the best way possible. They'll fall in love with you because of how much potential the you seem to have. They'll see your potential and I feel like you'll have a lot of unused potential?
You'll somehow still be very confident though and will be self focused. You seem like the type to be like "wow, I'm so pretty, I must've saved a country in my past life to be born with a face like this" while looking at the mirror, eyes full of admiration for your own beauty. You'll have arguments but somehow it'll lead to revelations and you'll balance each other out despite how different or incompatible you are. You'll let them take the dominant role and they'll feel like they can assert themself with you. You'll hype them up and make them feel like you're proud of them. You'll make them feel like you see them for who they are and see their integrity? They'll feel like they're in the spotlight for you and you see them. They'll feel possessive over you and will want to have you. They'll feel such a tenderness towards you, they'll feel like they just want to keep you in their life. They'll feel protective of you and just adore you so much. You'll also help them feel more confident, they'll not be able to get enough of you, they'll just want more. After realising their feelings, they'll choose to trust you. They'll be more alert, pay attention to you and interact more with you. They'll listen to the things that you say and remember them so that they can make you feel special and touched. This is wholesome. They'll try to be more seen by you, they'll want you to take them seriously.
They'll try to talk to you about things and teach you a lot. They'll also try to get relationship advice from those they really trust. They'll try to create a valuable connection with you. You'll prove to be really helpful to them, you'll help them focus more on their work, they'll just feel really motivated to do better because of you. Even if it's just slow and small improvements, they'll implement those in their own life and also in the relationship between the both of you. Just being around you is going to feel so healing to them. They'll start being even more kind to themself and understand their past mistakes. They'll forgive and accept themself and the way things turned out to be. They'll actually choose to come forth to you with a strategy that is actually logical. They'll still be hopeful though. You'll either ignore the signs that they throw in here and there or you'll just be oblivious to them. Even you'll be working on some stuff within yourself so well you'll be critical of yourself and just everything. You might have been kinda guarded to them because of your own issues but you'll finally choose to be open to communicating with them. At first you'll withdraw from them to sort out your feelings but will make a firm decision after that. You'll let go of your fears to be with them because you'll love them. After you choose them, you'll also find new purposes in life. This is truly beautiful. The direction will be chosen and set for the both of you. I'm happy for you, take care.
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