#guitars are kinda fun to draw. the drum set was not fuck that

[cyra-kingg]

this is one of those things that would benefit from more cleanup/revisions but if i look at it any longer i am going to explode. anyways heres wonderwall 

#amphibia #anne boonchuy #sasha waybright #marcy wu #yknow what #sashannarcy #yeah #my art #guitars are kinda fun to draw. the drum set was not fuck that #i shouldve used a reference for the lighting and posing but no i only used one for the instruments so uh #dont look too closely

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary154

2/15-16/2024

thursday - friday

tomrrow , the end of my weekend.

strange how all my time feels a bit like a countdown, right now, but it's not so bad, it's not so awful, i guess. today i feel a lot better, still obviously sick, i sound like terrible, right now, my voice is crazy but i feel completely fine otherwise, or not completely, my nose too, but it's crazy how bad i sound, i sound like one of the red scare women, which i really hate, but at least the irritating voice will only last for so long, just hopefully before i start work. maybe even by tomorrow. i want to try recording tomorrow, i'm deciding a song has some vocal issues and i want to get them fixed, but in order to do that my voice needs to sound good and also i need to scream kinda, maybe, i dunno. it's hard to get that kind of thing right, just in every way, it's hard to get the screams right, it's hard to know if i can / should do it, it's hard to know if it'll even work and if it's even what i want the song to sound like. but i think it is, in parts, what the song needs. it's just very difficult to get the more hardcore songs right, idk what about it is so hard, some of them aren't fucked up really, but this one is, kinda, i guess.

in order to figure out what to do, i'm listening to combatwoundedveteran, they always give me good ideas, they're like one of the best pv bands ever, to me. it really articulates some kind of fucked up feeling inside, not like, about how bad i feel, but a fucked up thing that happened to excitement, where i just have to feel it like that, where it's like violent, and crazy, spastic and doing whatever, spasming on the floor.

i think getting the synth louder in this song is gonna help a lot, or like, not louder, but more present, i made the rare decision to cut out this one hardly audible synth, which was 'audible' in that it kind of super interfered with the main guitar thing, in a weird way, leading to the song sounding kind of panned, in a weird way. which maybe there's a good idea, double track the main guitar, also? idk. could be wayyy too much, if i'm doing that w/ the synth i don't know if the guitar needs that.

i'll try it, i can try anything, tee bee eytch. it's just good for the vocals to have stuff panned, and maybe even farther than i am used to. it's just so weird sounding to me, to have anything hard panned in my music, but maybe that would be good, or idk, i doubt cwv's always totally hard panned, it sounds like it kinda close but maybe not as much, i think the guitars probably share some stuff in the middle on some productions on the comp, and electric youth crew def has some stuff that's a bit more centered, and i like how fucked that split sounds on their side, super heavy in a weird way, where it doesn't lose/sacrifice the scrapey weirdo guitar bullshit, it just amplifies the mess it all makes. it sounds honestly perfectly listening now. something crazy, is the drums are panned left, there, insane to me, to even do that.

panning wider on the song seems like a good idea. it's going well, it's making me think about doing the splits/spreading my legs. strange thing to think about while mixing a song.

while waiting i've also been doing pixel art guts, which is something i'm used to drawing, idk why but i always would draw distended organs, whenever i drew, when i was like, motivated normally, and when i was studying a lot, i'd do hands, but i think hands would be really difficult to do in 64x64 res + i like doing things like deforming them. it's fun to do but i am not a very great artist, i think, but maybe i could try getting a drawing done like that, and then using it as a ref layer or something, and then doing,,, something, with it, i guess.

the song sounds really good now i think except i need to do something to the vocal mix, i think i should just try redoing it entirely but that's not a bad thing honestly, like, with everything set up, it should be easy to just like, do the fx chain, cuz i know it well now, and get things where they need to be, really i think i cut too much in weird places and just need a clean slate to try and get it right, and just cut at the start and the end, and maybe boost in this rack fx-simulator, so i can get some more highs out of it after the multiband compressor.

otherwise, i did do another song today, and that one sounds just good, this new idea i had abt doing saturation for the instrumental and then vocal separate is probably very dumb in a lot of ways but it's seeming to sound quite good, especially when i have some light saturation at the very end anyways to smash it all together kinda.

tomorrow i'll probably do what i did today, cuz i really dunno abt recording, as much as i want want want to, getting on with one song, solving issues w/ this bigger problem song, but everything is really falling into place on it, feels less like i'm thrashing around pointlessly and more like i'm on the right path. which makes me feel good.

i also dealt with a friend really bothering me today, w/ her weird stuff about another friend, i had to go and talk to others about it, she was basically humiliating him and airing stuff out that didn't need to come out. i feel like, weird, i guess, about defending my friend without telling him i did it, but he's been away all day, i guess. the humiliation wasn't anything especially bad, just like, fucking up a move, it sucks for him and her other friend who he was trying to live with, especially since my friend was not perfect, but i can't go into detail here. at the end of the day it just wasn't going to work, it seems like. the two of them did not mix especially well. i just hate seeing this one friend be like, i don't want to say a bully because she just doesn't know. she thinks making people ashamed will make them better. that's just how you push people into being bigger fuckups, i know because of my gf's brother, i know this because of my stepdad, i know this because of like, so many people in my life, my stepmother, my gf's mom, being told you should be ashamed and how wrong you were, like a dog that pissed in carpet, just grows resentment. this is really all i can say because people i'm talking about come off as petty and freakish to me and i don't really want them prying or looking. if they find this i hope they know it's them and whatever. this is a problem with a public diary, i want to say how i feel about people, but some people you have to anticipate being weird and stuff, specifically certain kinds of people in your life.

my gf sometimes looks at the diary and as it was starting i was like, embarrassed, i told her not to look, but now i don't really care. i mean, beyond not caring, i'm completely fine with it if she wants to. now that it's a regular ritual for me, it's like, not less meaningful, but now i'm in the routine of putting everything regular down, articulating the minute parts of every day, and those new feelings or whatever, or even just like, diagnostic information for mixing music.

it's crazy how badly that first 'oh my god this sounds awful in other environments' thing hit me and made me want to die like crazy. i felt like such a failure. i guess the album is better for this though.

anyway i need to sleep soon so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mulletpeters]

toothache of the mind

ship: peterpatter

rating: g

word count: 1938

tags: canon compliant, pre-canon, high school, 1990s, best friends, feelings realization, pining

Reggie gets braces for his sweet sixteen.

He doesn’t tell anyone―not even his best friends in the whole wide world. So when he walks into homeroom the Tuesday after his birthday, Luke nearly topples out of his chair at the sight of the metal wrapped around Reggie’s adorable little snaggletooth. Alex may or may not be hyperventilating, but Luke wouldn’t know. He’s distracted.

Reggie, for his part, is acting like Luke’s world hasn’t just been tilted on its axis in a dangerous way. “Hey, guys,” he says nonchalantly. “Sup?”

Alex recovers much quicker than Luke, though there’s still a glint of concern in his eyes. They both know how self-conscious Reggie can be, especially about his smile, so he treads carefully. “Hey, Reginald. Do anything fun for your birthday?”

They had their own party on Friday after school―Luke gave Reggie a new studded strap for his bass because the one he’d found in Bobby’s garage had started to look pretty sad―but Reggie’s parents are the type to force family time onto him any chance they get. Luke has a sneaking suspicion they only do it so they can use Reggie against each other in whatever asinine argument comes up that day, but it’s not like he can really do anything about it. None of them can, so Reggie is unfortunately left to his own devices when it comes to compulsory dysfunctional family celebrations. “Not really,” he says in lieu of giving any actual details; he’ll tell them eventually, but a crowded classroom is not ideal for dishing out his personal drama. “Got braces.” He shrugs, like his mom hasn’t made him feel like shit about his less than perfect teeth for most of his childhood. Definitely since Luke’s known him, anyway, and they’ve been friends since they were ten.

“Oh, did you?” Alex asks, and it sounds borderline sarcastic but he holds back most of his usual bite. “Let’s see ‘em, then.” He holds an arm out in a grand gesture like he’s giving Reggie the floor, and Reggie flashes the most hesitant smile Luke’s ever seen on him.

Luke swears his heart stops, but Alex is once again carrying the conversation so he does his best to tune in. “Oh, nice,” Alex says, approving of the red brackets stuck to the front of Reggie’s teeth with a slight nod.

Reggie returns the gesture, and he looks considerably more relaxed now that he knows his friends won’t shun him for something this mundane. “Thanks,” he tells Alex before turning to face Luke, and he looks a little apprehensive, like maybe Luke should get his brain to reboot so he can offer some reassuring words instead of just staring like a total weirdo.

Luke wants to say something about how red looks good on him, or how it’s cool that it’ll match his favourite flannel, or maybe he’d settle for even just a supportive thumbs up. What actually comes out of his mouth is, “How long do you have to wear them?”

Reggie gives him a funny look, head tilted and brow furrowed. “Only like, a year,” he answers anyway, and Luke wants to scream.

Thankfully, the teacher chooses that moment to draw their attention to the front of the room, and Reggie turns around in his seat so Luke can only see the back of his head. Luke sighs in relief, sinking further into his chair till his limbs are sprawled out into the aisle, accepting his defeat. It’s gonna be a long year.

-

Luke decidedly does not address the issue after that day. The issue being that weird fluttery feeling he gets in his chest every time Reggie smiles at him, or laughs, or talks, or breathes. Basically any time he sees the glint of metal in Reggie’s mouth, really.

It’s not like this is a new development, exactly; Luke has always had a bit of a soft spot for Reggie, a little bit of weakness. In the six years they’ve known each other, he can’t recall a time that Reggie just existing didn’t make his brain static out. The braces just made him recognize what’s always been true, even if he still doesn’t know how to make sense of it.

Normally he’d talk to his best friends about whatever’s on his mind, but he can’t very well articulate a dilemma he can’t comprehend to begin with. Plus, he doubts Alex would be any help, considering he’s got his own set of issues to work through, and he’d rather die than bring it up with Reggie himself. And as for Bobby, well. Bobby’s got the emotional depth of a puddle. So, naturally, he does the only logical thing there is to do: he writes.

He figures if Reggie’s smile is stuck in his head like a song, he might as well make it one. It’s what he’s good at, and it gives him a false sense of separation from the issue that grants a certain clarity he can’t get any other way. He jots down pages and pages of lyrics, curled up in his bed late one night, fingers itching for his guitar even though he knows his mom would kill him if she caught him playing at 1am again. So he just sits cross-legged on his comforter, hunched over his ratty old notebook, scrawling cliche lines about green eyes and freckles and an endearingly crooked canine.

It’s the sappiest thing he’s ever written. When he reads over it before school the next morning, he knows he’s well and truly fucked.

-

Reggie plops down into the dip in the center of the studio couch, inadvertently leaning onto Luke’s shoulder. “You working on a new song?” he asks, tilting his chin at the notebook on Luke’s lap like the question needs clarification.

Luke nods even as he scrambles to shut the book, shuffling loose papers to stuff them between the creased cover. “Uh,” he stammers, biting his lip. “Yeah, I am.”

Reggie just nods back, averting his eyes to look up at the loft when he realizes that Luke doesn’t want him to see the song. “Rad. What's it called?” He glances at Luke, offering a comforting smile that says Luke can tell him as much or as little as he wants.

And well, that's the thing. Luke hasn't given it a name yet―the song, or the bewildering cocktail of feelings that inspired it to begin with. So he looks up from his scratchy handwriting to Reggie’s lopsided grin and says the first thing his useless brain can come up with. “Crooked Teeth.”

“Oh.” Reggie’s smile slides right off his face and Luke realizes what he's done half a second too late. Reggie bites his lip self-consciously, fidgeting with the sleeves of the flannel tied around his waist as Luke scrambles to backtrack into less sensitive territory.

“It's about Bobby,” he blurts unwittingly. And technically speaking, it is a little bit about Bobby, mostly because it's a little bit about the whole band, seeing as they’re mentioned in one line of the second chorus. But Bobby’s not the point of the song, not by a long shot. Luke decides Reggie doesn't need to know that, though. Especially not when his face lights up at the revelation, conspiratorial eyebrow raised like Luke’s letting him in on some great secret.

“Oh, snap! Well, I won't tell him, but don't let him find those lyrics.” Reggie winks, and it's not like it’s an unfamiliar sight, but Luke’s heart stutters out of time all the same. He's just glad Reggie isn’t the type to ask to see a song before Luke’s ready to share it; Luke doubts he'll ever be ready to share this particular piece, but if he does show it to Reggie, it'll be his choice.

He laughs halfheartedly, more a forceful exhale than anything else, and lands a playful punch to Reggie’s bicep. “Sure, man.”

Reggie just smiles wider. It feels like a kick straight to Luke’s solar plexus.

-

“You told him it’s about Bobby?” Alex asks, but what Luke hears is, you’re an idiot. Luke looks down at his best friend―he used to consider Reggie his best friend too, but he thinks maybe Reggie is in a category all his own at this point―and frowns. “He got his braces off before we even met him.” Alex stands up, walking around his drum kit to pace the floor. “And you told Reggie it’s called Crooked Teeth before you said that? Dude, you know how insecure he is about―”

“Yeah, Al, I know,” Luke huffs, cutting him off. It’s not the title Luke would've consciously chosen, but it's weirdly fitting, in a sort of convoluted way. Like, maybe Reggie’s teeth weren’t the sole catalyst for this whole...whatever this is, but they definitely played a major part. Luke’s really gonna miss Reggie’s snaggletooth, okay? He resents Reggie’s parents for a lot of reasons, but forcing him to get braces instead of a real birthday present is pretty damn high on the list.

Alex, with all his anxiety-induced powers of perception, notices Luke’s internal struggle and momentarily stops wearing a hole in the floor. “You’re kinda wiggin’ out, man. Chill.” He holds his hands out in what’s meant to be a placating gesture, but the drumsticks in his fists sort of ruin the effect.

“You’re one to talk,” Luke mumbles, but he doesn’t mean it, and Alex knows that. He’s just confused, and stressed, and generally unsure what to do with his recent epiphany. “What should I do?” he asks louder, eyes pleading.

Alex goes back to nervously lapping the room, and Luke picks at a loose string on his guitar strap just to have something to do. “I dunno,” Alex says after what could very well be an eternity. “But I think you’d feel better if you told him.”

Luke’s eyes shoot up to meet Alex’s gaze, brow furrowing involuntarily. “You what?”

Alex walks over, planting his feet in front of Luke, clapping a hand on Luke’s shoulder that isn’t holding his guitar strap up. “You’re clearly upset about this, Lucas. Tell him.”

Luke is shaking his head before Alex has even finished his sentence. “Not happening.” He folds his arms like a petulant child, but it loses its effectiveness when his guitar gets in the way, a sad thump echoing through the room. “I wouldn’t know what to say, anyway.”

Alex cocks an eyebrow with a pointed look at the notebook sitting on top of Luke’s amp. “I think you already said it.”

Luke follows his line of sight, eyes landing on the folded corner of a piece of paper sticking out from all the others. He already knows what’s written on it―has the words memorized by now. They were written on his heart long before he put them to the page, anyway.

Bobby bursts into the studio then, Reggie in tow, and the moment is broken. They’re laughing about something Bobby said, and Reggie is as beautiful as ever as he throws his head back, and Luke thinks that maybe one day he’ll get the courage to tell him how he feels. He’ll ask Alex to work with him on the music to go with his lyrics, maybe even get Bobby to help with the melody. He’ll throw rocks at Reggie’s window and serenade him from his front lawn like they do in the movies, and his friends will back him up, and it’ll be perfect.

For now, he needs to focus on perfecting the songs they already have. They’ve got a show at the Orpheum next summer to prepare for.

#posted this a week ago but i finally got around to putting it here too lmao #i still don't know if i like the formatting but whatever #anyway! i'm writing willex next <3 #jatp #julie and the phantoms #peterpatter #luke #reggie #alex #mine #fic

[harrysgoldenline]

Can’t Help but Love Him - Part 2

Hi!!! I’m so glad you all liked the first part of this story! Here is the second :) Sorry if it’s kinda messy, I didn’t fully proof read because I just really really wanted to get it out to you guys! Let me know what you think! <3

Part 1

Tags: @harriemelonsugar 

WORD COUNT: 4,235 

“How was staying at Harry’s last night?” Sarah teased once Y/N sat down across from her in the booth of the tiny cafe, “Did you guys cuddle?”

“Shut up.” Y/N groaned, rolling her eyes, “this whole getting over him thing is not working, the party should have made it easier but then he took me home instead of that girl, and to answer your question, no we didn’t. He slept on the couch.”

Sarah let out a long coo, causing Y/N’s cheeks to turn bright red covering her face with her hands, her friends hands coming across the table and playfully hitting them away, giggling as she sees Y/N’s rosy cheeks.

Sarah was the only person who knew about her crush on Harry, of course not on purpose. Sarah found it on her own, after seeing the two interact she thought that something was already happening between the two after closing observing their behavior when she came to visit Harry on tour. Sarah would always see the two laughing, Harry leaning into her ear and whispering different jokes and stories, as well as the two messing around on the stage together before and after the show.

Harry and Y/N met awhile back, running into each other in the studio back when Y/N was just starting her own career as a singer. She of course, then and now, still has not reached his level of fame, but she was currently in the works of planning her first solo world tour, something Harry has really helped with and supported, which she of course really appreciated, but she often felt guilty by. With his high profile reputation, just going out with Sarah can cause headlines and she never wants any of them to feel like she is using them for her own benefit, which leads them to this moment of going to small hole in the wall places. Y/N, also like Harry, preferred to be more private, working around personal interview questions and posting any kind of photos having to do relationships.  

“You two are the cutest.” Sarah giggles, both of them thanking the waitress as she comes by and drops off their drinks and takes their orders, “Seriously though, I wouldn’t worry about that girl from the party. It was random and like you said, he took you home and took care of you. Clearly cares about you a lot more.”

“He just felt guilty” Y/N laughed, “that girl literally dragged him away right in front of me and he ignored me all night until Nick showed up.”

“Oh yeah! He was so cute!” Sarah exclaimed, the thought also being a forgotten memory from that blurry night of too many drinks, “like really, REALLY cute. Mitch said you guys exchanged numbers, have you texted him?”

“No, I’m so embarrassed.” Y/N grumbled, covering her face with her hands again, “he came up to me because he saw me sitting alone, blankly staring at Harry as that girl was practically on top of him, he profanely just felt bad for me.”

“Oh stop.” Sarah demanded, slapping her friends wrist, “why are so convinced that no guy could actually like you? You’re hot, you’re sweet, you’re talented, you’re the whole package!”

Y/N shakes her head, staring down at her drink, swirling the straw around her cup, watching the ice spin, “I just… I don’t know. I mean… Nobody’s ever liked me before.”

“Oh c’mon, that’s not true.”

“It is, Sarah…” She softly admitted, shyly looking up at her older friend, her fingers still stirring the ice with her straw, “I’ve never been in a relationship, like ever.”

“What? But what about Be-“

“Nope… nothing happened… just can this stay between us? It’s so embarrassing.”

“That is nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart.” She frowned, reaching across the table and squeezing her friends hand, “And yes of course! Does Harry not know? I thought you told each other everything?”

“He doesn’t know this and the… more obvious secret.”

“Of course, but please don’t feel bad about this how about you and I-“ Sarah explains, stopping once her phone goes off, pulling out and talking a bit before putting back and her purse and smirking at her, leaning closer to her friend, “Let’s text Nick.”

***

“Fuck, that was really good. Can we run that again?” Harry asks, standing in the middle of the studio with Mitch, whom he gets a chuckle and a nod from, starting the new song from scratch.  

The sounds of Mitch’s guitar fills the room, Harry closing his eyes as he drums away on his lap, humming a tune to himself, scribbling some words messily onto the notepad in front of him.

The two have been working on a new song, Harry calling him to get over to the studio as soon as possible after Harry had a sudden spark of inspiration, so for the past few hours they have been working on that.

“I’m hoping they go just as crazy for this one as they did for Medicine.” He smirks, loving how crazy he can make his fans go. He knows just how to mess with them, loving to rile them up by preforming unreleased songs.

“Based on these lyrics” Mitch chuckled, looking over the explicit lyrics and setting the instrument next to him and slowly rising, going to the mini fridge in the studio, “They’re gonna lose their minds.”

Harry arrogantly smirks, catching the water bottle Mitch throws at him and giving him a quick thank you, taking a quick drink before scribbling more on the paper, crossing things out, drawing arrows, trying to make his vision clear as it all comes together. When Harry starts writing, all he can think about is writing and hardly anything can pull him out of his trance as he transforms himself into a new word. So much that Harry didn’t even his phone ring, Mitch watching comically as it rang out, neither of them reaching for it and the mystery person being eventually being sent to voicemail as Harry never sets down his pen, his other hand rubbing at his bottom lip and pinching it together as he sat in focus.

So focused in fact, he doesn’t notice the phone ringing again, only after a few brief moments of silence. Harry still scribbles away, pulling back and rubbing at his temple as his eyes scan the contexts of his paper and Mitch things he notices the ring as he looks away and to the side, only to grab the water and take a quick drink, scribbling away for a few more moments, the phone going back off as the mystery person is sent to voicemail, causing Mitch to let out a laugh.

“Wha’ you laughing at me for?” Harry chuckled, throwing one of his pencils at Mitch who quickly swats it away.

“Your phone rang twice, Rockstar. Didn’t even flinch. Whose calling you up?” Mitch taunted, trying to peak over at the screen and see the name, “Is it that girl from last night? Mallory?”

Harry looks over at his phone, clicking the side button and the screen light up and he reads the name, “Yes, actually.” He nods, raising the phone to his ear and listening to the voicemails she had left for him, hearing her request for the two to meet up tonight.

Mitch sits quietly, observing his friends behavior and he tries to carefully listen in to what the message the girl left behind. Mitch was also torn, of course wanting Harry to find the person of his dreams. Yet, he wanted Y/N to be with Harry. He didn’t know ‘officially’ about Y/N’s feelings for Harry, but he caught on quickly, not needing a word from her or Sarah… but he had listened in to some of their conversations when Y/N had come over to their place, thanking the stars he had never been caught, yet he sometimes (all the times), wishes he could be invited into girl talk… just once.

He watched as Harry takes the phone away from his ear and back down into his hands, typing away for a few moments before he set the phone back down, his focus going directly back to his pad of paper, a pen going between the man’s pink lips as he stares at the page blankly, his focus seeming to have evaporated and Mitch isn’t sure which of his friends that reaction is better for.

“What’s going on with you two?” Mitch asks, trying to act casual by picking up his guitar and strumming at random chords, “You two like a thing?”

“Hm? Oh, uh… Not sure, what we are right now.” He shrugs, “asked me if I wanted to get together tonight.”

“Well? Are you going to?”

“Just texted her if you and Sarah could come, make it a lil double date” He shrugged, making eye contact with Mitch as he sits across from them, “if you want of course, just casual. We could just hang out at my place.”

“Sounds fun, I can call Sarah right now. She’s with Y/N- You wanna ask if Y/N wants to come?” Mitch suggested, already digging through his phone and going to favorite contacts, ready to press on Sarah’s number.

“That would be really fun…” Harry nodded, scratching the back of his neck, “I just don’t want her to feel left out, ya know?”

“She could ask that Nick guy if he wants to come. She got his number, right? Before you swept her away from him back to your place.” Mitch teased, throwing his pencil back to him and hitting Harry square in the chest.

“She needed to get home, she drank too much, anymore and she would’ve been puking all night. I was just taking care of her.” He nonchalantly explained, “Needed to make sure she got home safe.”

“How’d Mallory feel about that? You two disappeared for a while.” Mitch smirked, raising his eyebrows at Harry, causing him to laugh, “What were you youngsters up to?

“Shut up.” Harry spoke, cheeks turning a bit red, “Don’t worry about it, can we finish up this last verse please?”

“Alright, alright.” Mitch laughed, “Let me call Sarah first and then we can, when should they come to your place?”

***

“Thanks again for coming, sorry it was kinda last minute.” Y/N started, smiling up at Nick as they both walked into Harry’s house, “And once again, I am so sorry about the other night. You made some really good drinks and I guess you I didn’t eat enough.”

“Don’t worry about, Y/N.” He laughed, his arm resting on her hip as they walked in the front door, “I have seen a lot worse, trust me. You’re not even a bad drunk, just a good dancer.”

“Oh god!” She giggled, covering her face with her hands, which he quickly pried away, “That is so embarrassing, I am so sorry you had to see that.”

“I enjoyed it.” He teased, “but to make it up to you… I will show you my dance moves tonight if you want me to.”

“Yes please!”

The pair laughed, entering the living room seeing the other couples sitting around laughing together. Sarah and Mitch sitting next to each other on the loveseat as Harry and Mallory sitting across from them on an armrest, Mallory wearing a tight black dress as she sat on Harry’s lap, an arm around his neck and making her feel extremely underdressed, even though she was the only one dressed for the occasion. Everyone else wearing a variation of jeans or joggers and different graphic tees and band shirts.

“Y/N!” Sarah smiled, seeing the pair walk in the room, kicking the couch next to her and signaling them to sit, “Hi Nick! What’s up guys?”

Harry looks up, squirming a bit in his seat and moving Mallory to the side and he quickly stands, walking over to his friend and pulling her into a tight hug, “Y/N, I’m so glad you could make it!” He smiles pulling back before looking over at Nick holding his hand out to him which Nick takes, “Nice to see you again Nick, thanks for coming, would you two like a drink?”

“Thanks for having me!” Nick smiles saying his hellos to the others, “and yeah that’d be great!”

Y/N agrees, both of them giving their orders to Harry and he nods, giving them their orders before he gives them a thumbs up, going back to the kitchen, “Can I have another, babe?” Mallory calls for him, “Same thing please!”

“Sure thing!” He calls out, and she smirks towards the kitchen, her plump, deep red bottom lip between her perfectly white teeth, “anyways, hi you two! We were just talking about Harry’s album and tour!”

Sarah hides behind Mitch’s back, making eye contact with Y/N and rolling her eyes before taking a long drink before turning back toward Mallory. Both her and Nick notice and they giggle to themselves, his arm going around her shoulder as they both relax into the couch, his other hand softly resting on her knee.

He leans into her, using his arm around her shoulder to pull her closer, “Was I supposed to dress black tie?” He chuckled softly into her ear, and she blushes playfully slapping his arm and gigging, her eyes widening after hearing a throat clear above her.

“Oh sorry.” Y/N blushed, “thank you for the drinks.” She added, looking up at Harry and giving him a soft smile, Nick also giving him a quick thank you.

He nods and smiles, walking back over and sliding back onto the armchair, Mallory crawling quickly back into his lap and pressing a kiss onto his cheek, arms going back around him as she continued to talk about Harry’s tour and all the places going to be, telling stories of some places that stuck out to her from previous modeling shoots.

He smiled and laughed along, nodding when she would turn to look at him, but then he would turn his attention back to Y/N, watching as he sat diagonally from him as she looked up at Nick laughing at a story he was telling her and he could almost see the star in her eyes, but he couldn’t help but feel the looks coming from across him. Sarah was staring deep at Y/N watching her friend and now being invited into the conversation with her and Nick. Mitch, although was staring at Harry, pretending also to listen to the conversation as he gave Harry a weird look, trying to read his friends mind.

“So, Nick! Tell us about yourself!” Harry explained the second Mallory paused, his eyes glued on Nicks hand who he swore was an inch or two higher on her leg then it was now, “You bartend right?”

“Yep!” Nick smiles, “Bartender at night and an actor during the day, mainly doing commercials and smaller TV roles right now, nothing as exciting as a world tour.”

He adds, subtly making fun of Mallory causing everyone to let out a laugh, except for Mallory who she thought was praising her and Harry, and Harry who also didn’t laugh, trying more to analyze his every word.

“No, that is exciting!” Sarah encourages, wanting the new man of the group to feel more comfortable, especially after noticing Harry’s intense stare, “Really cool actually, I think acting is so cool, you get to be so many people! Do you have a favorite kind of role?

She looked up at him as he explained, a smile covering her face and her heart skips a beat, a feeling she hasn’t felt in a while with someone other than Harry and she looks down at her lap, biting her lip and trying to hold back her smile as she sees his hand on her thigh. She slowly looks up, being met with Sarah’s wide smirk and wiggling eyebrows and Y/N rolls her eyes back at her before continuing to listen to Nick explain.

Conversation goes on from there, bouncing from person to person as each start sharing different stories and experiences that they’ve all gained throughout knowing each other, trying to get Mallory and Nick more familiar with their dates friends.

“Harry, baby, can you help me get another drink please?” Mallory smiles, batting her eyelashes up at him, thumb running over his cheek.

“Sure thing, let’s go.” Harry nodded, soon standing and she quickly grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers and giggling as she begins dragging him through the door and into the kitchen.  

The pair soon disappear and the remaining four all release a sigh of relief, the room feeling much more light now and the four begin a much more casual conversation, feeling much more comfortable as they start telling funny stories and jokes, being able to poke fun at one another, soon turning up the music in the room as they all begin messing around.

“Can I see those dance moves now?” Y/N smirked as they both stood up, downing their drinks and giggling, “please please?”

“I guess.” He chuckled, hands falling on her hips before moving a hair out of her face, “Just because you’re cute.”

Her face turned bright red, heart rate picking up as he leaned in a bit, winking before pulling back pressing a kiss in her cheek before jumping backwards and suddenly dancing wildly. Y/N, Sarah and Mitch all laughed, watching the man jump around and do a very over dramatic air guitar, Mitch jumping in and doing the same.

“C’mere!” Nick shouted over the loud music, reaching out his hand and quickly grabbing Y/N’s quickly spinning her into him and rocking them back and forth before spinning out again, “Don’t worry, I know I’m very advanced, just follow my lead.” He joked, doing childlike dance moves as he finished the last drink of his beer.

“You want another? I’m out too, I’ll grab us both another and then you can teach me some moves.” She giggled, grabbing her empty cup along with is bottle, “Be right back.”

“You sure Harry won’t mind? Feel bad taking all of his alcohol.”

“He’ll be fine.” She giggled, “Be right back.”

She blushed as she flashed him a smile, turning back and giggling as she watches Mitch and Sarah start copying his moves, her heartwarming at the idea of the four of them hanging out again. She forces herself to turn away, and ignore her heartbeat picking up speed as she wonders where this night will all take her with Nick, especially considering they’ve only known each other a couple of days at this point but she really thinks she’s starting to really like him.

She smiles to herself, looking at the floor as she pushes the door into the kitchen, opening a garage door and recycling Nicks bottle before going back to the bar area, taking her cup with her to refill. She quickly pushes the door open, turning up the dimmed lights and squinting as her eyes adjust, not expecting her heart having to.

She lets out a gasp, seeing before her Harry sitting on the couch in lounge, Mallory straddling him as she can practically see her tongue going down his throat as she grinded her hips into him, her dress seeming to ride up farther, before both of them adjust to the light. The pair jumps, Mallory quickly trying to fix her hair before sending an innocent, yet devious smile towards Y/N as Harry clears his throat, sliding the model off his lap.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, um I didn’t know you guys were-“ Y/N stuttered, both her heart and mind going a million miles a minute, “I didn’t mean to intrude, I was just t-trying to get Nick and I another drink.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart!” Mallory smiled at her, “Would you mind making me a rum and coke?”

“Sure” Y/N replies, scurrying off to the bar behind them, letting out a quiet shaky breath that thankfully was drowned out by the sound of Mallory telling Harry another story.

Y/N tried to ignore, staring at the back of her head and making awkward eye contact with Harry as he kept staring back at her, the uncomfortable tension filling the air that only 2 out of the 3 people in the room could feel.

That’s when she hears Harry stop her, asking if they could rejoin the party outside as he was going to help make more drinks, feeling bad that they left everyone. She lets out a whine before agreeing, giving him another hard, long kiss, making Y/N grimace and force her eyes away, looking down at the drink she was making herself causing nausea to fill her.  She soon hears Mallory’s heels click away and soon she felt the strong presence beside her, Harry standing shyly off to the side as he watches Y/N grab another beer and a can of coke.

“Here let me.” He muttered, taking the coke from her hand causing they’re fingers to brush, making the drink for Mallory himself, “I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to um... sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize for kissing your girlfriend.” Y/N deadpans, avoiding eye contact focusing on making a drink for Sarah she knows she will want, “I’m sorry I walked in, I figured you went upstairs.”

“Are we still on for tomorrow?” He softly asks, referring to the studio session they’ve had planned together.

Y/N and Harry have always loved writing and recording together. Of course, they’ve never released a song together, but they have always found a great deal of comfort of having the other person there when recording on a new project, especially Y/N. She felt like Harry had been there for her throughout so much of her career, helping her record, write, with interviews, red carpets, everything. Harry taught her everything she needed to know, he was the one that helped her learn how to come into her sound and truly become the artist she has always dreamed she would be.

“I don’t know…” She started, trying hard to think of an excuse, “I might go see that new movie with Nick.”

“Are you serious?” Harry bitterly chuckles, “You’ve known me for how long and you’re just going to ditch me for this random guy you hardly know?’

“That’s awfully rich coming from you, Harry.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Y/N slammed down the cup, a few drops spilling on the counter and she finally looked up at him. She could feel her hands shaking and she clenched her jaw tight, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back from releasing too much emotion.

“I came here to New York on my time off to hang out with you and the first thing you do is-“ She started; each word spoken more bitterly then before.

“You love New York.” He interrupts, his face softening, “I thought you would want to come and explore with me like we used to me.”

“Let me finish!” She desperately cries out, “Please… And the first thing you do is talk to me for 5 minutes before you literally let her drag you away from me. I met Nick because I was sitting all alone at that party, if it wasn’t for him, I would’ve been alone all night. So, don’t talk to me about ditching a friend.”

“Y/N, please. I’m sorry-“

“I think I’m going to go home.” She whispers, setting the drinks down on the counter and sniffling a bit, forcing herself to keep it together as he was still around.

Harry quickly stops her, grabbing her arm and turning her to look back at him, “Y/N please, I am so sorry. I just got so caught up in the moment and the party… Please, how can I make it up to you? Do you want me to tell everyone to leave? We can order a pizza and I got Disney Plus because I knew you would want to watch it… It can be just us if you want.”

All she wanted to do was say yes.

In her wildest dreams she would on him, pressing kisses all over his face and tell Mallory to leave, tell Nick she’s sorry and tell Sarah how much she really, really likes Harry and how excited she was to spend the night with just him. Just the two of them.

But she couldn’t.

If this did happen, he would tell everyone to go, making her feel guilty. Then they would stay up just the two of them and she knows, although nothing was going to happen between the two of them, that she would cherish every single moment and think about it as she lays awake at night. How she would call Sarah the next day and tell her everything, and then they could go to the studio together and write a beautiful song.

But all of these things will only get her worse. She would only fall in love with him more, ruining her for any kind of future relationship will come her way. She knew Harry was just being friendly, not asking her to stay because he was interested, but because he felt guilty for what he did and since he was such a people pleaser, there was no way he wouldn’t offer.

So, she knows what she has to do.

“Goodnight, Harry.”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles request #harry styles imagines #harry style smut #harry styles series #harry styles x reader #harry styles dirty imagine #harry styles dirty one shot #harry styles headcannon #fine line #bestfriend!harry #bestfriend!harry styles

[doomedandstoned]

Chatting with Austin’s Shitbag

~Doomed & Stoned Interviews~

By Shawn Gibson

In his never ending quest to find the filthiest bands from around the world, Shawn Gibson brings us face-to-face, virtually speaking, with frontman Keith Young from Austin, Texas trio SHITBAG. The band dishes out a harsh blend of crust, grindcore, hardcore, and sludge, a sound you may already be acquanted with if you've heard their new EP Burden on Transylvanian Recordings. (Editor)

SHITBAG - BURDEN by SHITBAG

So why are you a Shitbag? What's the name all about?

I guess when I came up with the name, the thought was that Shitbag was a person I didn't want to be and I lived in fear of becoming. It's a catchy two syllable band name. (laughs)

Oh very catchy!

Half of it's just taking the piss right?

Oh yeah.

People think it's great or they think it's really fucking stupid.

I love the name Shitbag. It grabs your attention. It is so fitting for your style of music, the sludge-grind duo.

Definitely. The idea was to get a very dirty sound from the start. The name stuck with me. You can tell from some of our earlier releases to hone the sound but you can see that it's falling into place. I think we were zeroing in on the sound on the album we put out last year.

Which was 'Furnace,' right?

Correct.

Your latest release 'Burden' is out now.

Yes, that's now through Transylvanian Records.

Awesome, they are a good label! I have definitely heard of them and have some of their artists' music. So is 'Burden' your third release?

I guess it's our fourth, if you count the first EP. We don't really push that one out anymore.

Furnace by Shitbag

'Furnace' is a really good album! I think I bought all your digital albums on Bandcamp.

Oh, thank you.

I definitely fell in love with the sound! "Emasculator" is a great sludge song from the record Can you tell me a little about that one?

It is about castration. The riff was a fun thing I kind of threw out there. I told Eli our drummer this is in 4/4 and he said" it is absolutely not, I can try to play along to it anyways." As usual, he did. the different pieces kind of fell into place. The bass guitar always stuck out to me on that one. The speed of the song and the mix we got on those recordings allows the bass to shine through I think. Also, I think that might be one of my favorite vocal performances off of Furnace as well.

Who all is in the band and what roles do they have?

So I play guitar and vocals. Eli Deitz plays drums and Eric Prescott plays bass.

I would say 'Burden' sounds heavier than 'Furnace.' Can you tell me about your guitars and the set up you use for writing and recording?

Oh, sure!

What are you using to get that Shitbag sound?

So first off I think it's worth noting that we recorded Burden at a different location and we had more power at our fingertips. The guitars definitely did get beefed up. For the first two releases I had been playing a Randall RH 150 with a Randall 150 amp head. It gets this really nasty distortion right out of the box, you don't need a distortion pedal, which is pretty convenient. It wasn't reliable at high volumes. That was becoming a problem more and more playing alongside Eric, as he was playing an "O-R something" Orange head and also running that through an HM2 and some fuzz stuff in front of it, as well. He gets a very loud, snarling bass tone.

He's covering the low end, but there's an intersection where the guitars and bass compete when we are playing live. So I needed something that I could crank up just to keep up. The Randall wasn't cutting it. May of last year I purchased a Sunn Coliseum 880. That was great but I needed to beef up my cabinet setup. Before I had been playing out of a Laney 4x12 with two different Celestion speakers and an old Marshall 2x15. The Celestion speakers are just not cut out for running something like a Coliseum880. At 4 ohms I think it's already at 230 watts.

Oh, wow!

That is when I moved up to a Worshipper 4x12. It's an Intown establishment, and some good friends of mine run it. They got me a new cabinet in 8 to 12 weeks. Kinda crazy to think about from what I heard from Dillon at Worshipper they had good business during the pandemic.

That is great! I love to hear that everyone's keeping up the practicing at home.

Yeah, It definitely has a silver lining. I got a 4x 12 and I'm trying to remember what speakers are in it. My technical knowledge of that stuff is a little limited, I'll be honest. I went with Dillon's recommendation. I told him what I was using currently, this is what I want out of it. I already have a 2x15 cabinet so I don't need a whole shit ton of low end power coming out of the 4x12. He kind of went with something that had the right profile and could handle 320 watts. After that was the matter of finding a distortion pedal, because Sunn Coliseums don't really have a built in distortion the way a Randall does. For a while I was a really great distortion pedal that does all kinds of great stuff the Earthquaker device's grey channel.

It has six different clipping presets, clipping diodes, and you can do just about everything from straight up gain to kind of a fuzzy effect to full-on Moss clipping diode, which does the whole balls to the wall heavy metal thing. Great diversity on that pedal but it wasn't quite hitting the right spots. I went to a Boss HM2 and was very reluctant to do so because I know everyone does those. I ran that with a Graph equalizer like I would any distortion pedal. I made it not sound like I'm playing in tuned riffs. That's my equipment set up and how it evolved from Furnace to Burden.

Awesome, thank you. Something that attracted me to Shitbag's music is the sludge is the jelly and the grind is the peanut butter that makes this great Shitbag sandwich. There are moments in your music that it is as thick as swamp mud, then the next it's firing out like bullets out of an AR-15!

Hell, yeah!

Cordycep by Shitbag

With that being said you have a song like "New Day" that's grind as fuck, clocking in at a minute long, just blasting through! Then you have songs like "Rogue Furnace" that's right up the sludge/doom alley clocking in at 15-minutes, 20-seconds. Shitbag has a really great balance between different styles in your music.

Well, thank you!

What bands influenced Shitbag's music?

Yeah, so I think the time I was getting into sludge and doom in my college days and I came across Primitive Man.

Oh, yeah!

I grew up listening to death metal and shit like that.

Me too!

The way they threw that together with just oppressive doom sound. It was something I had never heard before. I instantly heard that and said"this is the future." I don't want to shit on anything but Black Sabbath has been around 50 years and that sound has been around 50 years.

Newer and current bands are still using that sound, yeah.

Maybe I shouldn't disparage it, right? Even the stuff I'm drawing influence from is 30 years old now. Maybe I shouldn't say it that way. I think it's a matter of pervasiveness rather than how old something is. There are a lot of bands in the sludge/doom canon that are like, "Black Sabbath, hell yeah!"

You can find lots of music that was coming out of the death and grindcore scene in the '80s, '90s, and 2000s that had very slow, lurching oppressive moods. To me, it's not so much a matter of the notes that are being played or the rhythms, it's the atmosphere. So yes Primitive Man, God Flesh, they are a big one. I'm a big fan of Assuck, Dystopia, and Grief. Then a lot of older death metal shit, too. Napalm Death, Eric and Eli loved Entombed. Full Of Hell is tight as shit, too!

Yes they are! By chance have you heard of Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire?

Oh yeah, yeah.

I thought you might, being they were before Primitive Man. Great shit, as well!

Every band of theirs that the members of Primitive Man have been in that I have checked out, I have been very much into.

Vermin Womb, Many Blessings...

John put out an album with a death metal band called Black Curse last year that I thought was fucking phenominal!

I'll have to check that out! I like just about everything across the board, personally.

You are mentioning that we're striking this blend, we are not even playing the same genre through the whole EP. It's kind of like there's moments where it's one thing then there's moments where it's another. I think the more important thing is that it sounds like a cohesive thing. I hope we manage to do that.

You do! Shitbag has it's own sound that is unique to you guys!

Well, thank you!

I stumbled upon Shitbag's music on Bandcamp on Fathers Day. I saw the song title "Fathers and Sons" off of Burden and thought, "That's no coincidence -- I need to check this band out!" I was wondering if you can tell me a little about that track?

The song is about grappling with father and son relationships that are, I don't want to say estranged but you know trying at times. That was something that was a really big deal for me over the past year and a half, cause my mother passed away at the end of 2019.

I am sorry to hear that!

Thank you. When you have a death in the family like that, there is a lot of time for reflection that comes about. That's where the concept came about. I would not say that it's entirely autobiographical, there is definitely some exaggeration in there. We had the music for the song written and we couldn't figure what to write the lyrics about. I was just spitballing ideas and concepts to Eli. That was the one he said, "Yeah, I'm not really a fan of this draught but this is the concept to go with. Keep going with this."

Historically, I think I have been a weak lyricist. I would not call myself good by any means. We definitely made that part of the writing more collaborative process. Like the music has always been with us. We ironed out the words with each other so it felt a lot better. We came out with something more polished.

I understand completely.

A little graciousness opens yourself up. I think it's true with lyrics, as well. You probably don't have people say that to you very often, I imagine. I think it's especially true with lyrics when you're trying to make something that's personal and vulnerable. Having someone say, "Hey I would word that differently!" YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Exactly. (laughs)

Take a step back from the initial knee-jerk response and just let it sit. You can really go places with that. I think lyrics are different just because people are not accustomed to making themselves vulnerable in that way.

What bands from Austin and surrounding areas that are heavy and you love to see them play or play with?

Let's see... Zyclops, really fucking great! There's bands like Glassing, Inhalants, Portrayal Of Guilt.

Yep, familiar with them.

There's a band called Godshell, they are new. I saw them play at a house show in North Austin in a living room full of people younger than myself. A crowd that was young enough to make me feel old. They played an outstanding fucking show! Those guys are rad live! There's also Metal Abortion, who is a pretty fun noise core band that Shitbag has played with a couple times. They put on a hell of a show and they have some crazy fucking records, too!

We have had the pleasure of playing many great shows with Desist on account of Shitbag and Desist being the two "Austin sludge" bands. Lucas is an outstanding vocalist and an even better human being. I don't know if Desist has been active through the pandemic but word is they have shit in the works. Another band forming a major constellation in the Austin shit-verse is the crusty blackened thrash outfit Vacha. Every show we've played with them was a fucking barn buner. I have nothing but love for all those dudes! Special shout out to Carlos for his God-like endurance behind the kit.

What makes Shitbag laugh? What's funny to you guys?

Oh, man. Eli and I have decided that a good way to get around when I bring a riff and don't know the time signature, is that we count everything in one. There 's no more time signature.That's a fairly recent joke. There are times at practice instead of playing a Shitbag riff with the distortion and everything balls out, I will go to the clean channel and push on the wah pedal and play with a funky staccato thing.

Hell yeah!

I think everyone else finds it annoying.

I have always enjoyed when the one guy in the band during practice either gets funky or jazzy, one of the two.

There is also something that Eli does that is fucking histarical. He never warns me he's going to do it. We will be in the middle of a song in the intense parts of the song he slips in the ba-dum tiss like a joke was told. When he nails it it's really a special thing.

Well, Keith that is all I have for you. Thank you again for your time!

Thank you very much, Shawn! The cassettes are available through Transylvania Recordings and Bandcamp. They are up for pre-order. I am not sure when those pre-orders will be in. There are some delays.

Several bands and labels having a tough time with vinyl getting pressed and shipping, too.

If you order the cassette you will get it eventually. I hope there is new music to announce in the near future.

We hope so, too!

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#D&S Interviews #Shitbag #Austin #Texas #doom patrol #sludge #metal #punk rock #Shawn Gibson #Transylvanian Recordings

[lochsides]

evermore: Track-by-Track review

I didn't think I'd be writing another review for a Taylor Swift album so soon after folklore but here we are. Truthfully though, evermore feels more like a figment of my imagination than a real album, and as a result this album has been a grower for me. When Taylor said evemore would be the sister record to folklore, I was curious as to the distinguishable differences between the two, because Taylor wouldn't simply give us the same album twice. evermore is, strangely, both the wild younger sister that's more experimental and the wise older sister with a mature outlook on life. Where folklore was a product of isolation, evermore is a product of creativity and that can be felt in the music.

I’ve written my thoughts and theories on each song, and bolded my favourites, below the cut, if you’re interested. I also included my current ranking at the bottom.

Taylor has been very good at picking leading singles for the folklore/evermore era. willow is brilliantly catchy while maintaining the alternative folk sound that she established in folklore. Her vocals suit the song so well, especially on ‘follow’/“hollow” in the chorus. They pair so beautifully with the mesmerising production. The reason this song is one my favourites is purely because of the rhythm and the guitar. The lyrics are, for once, a bonus. As an entry point to evermore, willow does not ease the listener in, the song instead throws the listener in the deep end — which I feel was intentional, as Taylor said evermore was the product of wandering further into the folklorian woods.

champagne problems is easily my favourite song on this album. Storytelling is Taylor's biggest strength as a songwriter and I think this song is a achingly beautiful example of what an emotive storyteller Taylor is. It would be so difficult for me to pick a favourite lyric from this song but I love how she sets in train in the opening line, "you booked the night train for a reason, so you could sit there in this hurt / bustling crowds or silent sleepers, you're not sure which is worse." The accompaniment is gorgeous and the composition of the bridge is breathtaking. Every time the bridge plays I get chills.

gold rush was a grower for me. I'm still not a fan of the intro/outro but I enjoy the production in the rest of the song once the beat kicks in. I think it's one of the more experimental sounds on evermore but it's very catchy. I won't even talk about how the chorus called me out with "I don't like slow-motion, double vision in a rose blush, I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush."

'tis the damn season is the non-holiday-holiday song that still has a classic sound and production. I know this song is Dorothea's perspective but I get a lot of illicit affairs parallels with this one as well: "don't call me baby" / "you could call me babe for the weekend", "what started in beautiful rooms ends with meetings in parking lots" / "the road not taken looks real good now, time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires".

tolerate it is a hard song for me to review because I literally zone out every time I listen to it. I think it's my brain's way of protecting me from toxic relationship trauma 🙃 but it's another gut-punch track five, what else is new? I mean she literally said "now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life, drawing hearts in the byline, always taking up too much space or time," and broke my nervous system.

no body, no crime is the best country song Taylor has ever written, period. The sirens at the start, the storytelling, the way it sounds like an old-school murder-mystery movie. HAIM on the backing vocals were great, though I do wish they had at least a verse of their own. That's literally my only critique of this song. It's that good.

There's so much maturity in Taylor's outlook on happiness. I connect this song to her tarnished relationship Sc*tt/BMG and how she's happy after leaving but she was also happy during the time she was with them. I really enjoyed the simple addition of the piano and the way it built up to add depth to the production. Taylor's delivery of the line "no one teaches what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too" really hits me.

dorothea is a really nostalgic, retro school-dance-vibe, kinda playful song with a personality, which I adore. The production is absolutely timeless. I woke up today with the chorus stuck in my head. I think "if you're ever tired of being known for who you know, you know, you'll always know me" is fun word play and I'm a nerd of that type of thing. (Side note: to me, this song feels very reminiscent of her friendship with Karlie Kloss, right down to the "selling makeup in magazines.")

coney island gives me desolate, abandoned theme park vibes. The simplicity of the production only enhances it. It's everything I could've hoped for in a song titled "coney island" and featuring The National. Matt Berninger's vocals are absolutely astounding. What does it say about me that my favourite aspect of this song is the feeling of despair laced into its bloodstream.

ivy is another favourite but what did I expect from a song filled to the brim with longing and mentioning the crescent moon? The instrumentation and her vocal styling is similar to willow. There are also lyrical parallels of "... your freezing hand, taking mine" / "I'm begging for you to take my hand" and "how's one to know I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bone" / "I never would've known from the look on your face" and she echoes both those sentiments in a different way after the respective bridges and I wonder if that's intentional. Knowing Taylor Swift, probably.

cowboy like me belongs in the center of a country/folk/slow blues Venn diagram. It's the perfect blend of the three genres. Marcus Mumford's back vocals sound so good with Taylor's. "We could be the way forward, and I know I'll pay for it" and "the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up" are great lyrics.

I'm not all about the way long story short stars but the song quickly settles into its skin. This is easily the most pop-sounding song on evermore but it's still somewhat experimental in comparison to Taylor's existing discography and I think it's cool that she can find space to experiment within a musical space that she has all but mastered. Say what you will but Taylor Swift knows how to make hits no matter the genre. The lyrics "he's passing by, rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky and he feels like home" reminds me so much of Call It What You Want.

marjorie gave me chills on the very first listen when Taylor sings about how her grandmother left her backlogged dreams to her. I love that they used her grandmother's actual vocals in the background, that's a really heartwarming detail. This song comes with some really solid advice too. It just feels very personal. I love the way production builds on "what does didn't stay dead" right to the bridge, which is my favourite part of the song.

closure is easily the most experimental song on the album with that the scratch tape sound and those drums. I love the sheer pettiness in her tone and the lyric "don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled" is brilliant. That said, this is probably my least favourite. I think it's a cool song but just not for me.

evermore has some of the most beautiful lyrics on the album. "I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong" and "barefoot in the wildest winter" are some of my favourites. I'm not a big fan of the sudden shift in tempo on either end of the bridge but Justin Vernon's falsetto makes up for it. The production is otherwise beautiful.

Note that the bonus tracks are currently at the bottom because they have not been released yet.

#taylor swift #evermore #reviews #music #ts

[reddoll123]

EXO as U.S. High School teachers (OT12 version):

Minseok--The Physical Education teacher

--He'd be that P.E. teacher who's almost always full of energy and encouragement. Practically everyone loves and respects him, even though he's actually one of the quieter teachers at this school. But even though he's quiet, when he does raise his voice to get his students' attention, everyone listens. He's very lenient and accommodating when it comes to injuries or when his students feel ill, and doesn't even punish people when they slack off without valid excuses. Everyone has their off days, is what he usually says. (None of his students have to know that he got that quote from his husband who coincidentally teaches right next door.)

Luhan--The Health teacher

--He'd be that kind of teacher that's fairly chill about everything. He lets his students call him by his first name Han or as Mr. Han. And instead of that stupid project where students have to take care of a robot baby or an egg or a sack of flour, Luhan was able to persuade the school board to let him do something more original. That is, for his students to take care of a soccer ball for a weekend. Keeping it clean, making sure the air stays inside, and bringing the soccer ball with them wherever they go. And the project was just quirky yet safe enough that it's become a set part of his curriculum. He and his husband Minseok have a good laugh about that whenever it comes time for him to assign that project again.

Yifan--The Intro to Art teacher

--He'd be that super relaxed teacher that barely teaches. He loves his students, don't get him wrong, but the things that he has to teach are pretty much just the basic fundamentals of art. There's an abundance of slideshows that do the job for him as well as the internet. And kids come in and half-ass their projects all the time to the point where he barely gives a fuck. But, he does have this one motto: Any art is good art as long as you tried. He even has a recent drawing of an alpaca that he messed up on framed on his desk to help motivate his students. Some students say that he should've been a P.E. teacher because of his height. And if he could teach only basketball for every semester, he'd definitely switch in a heartbeat.

Junmyeon--The English teacher

--He'd be that very handsome yet kind of awkward English teacher. The one that tries to get his students laughing and fails, only to succeed when he does something goofy by accident. He always has new book recommendations for anyone that asks, and loves showing the films inspired by said books. And he's not afraid to give a lot of essays too, so sometimes he gets long sighs and weary groans from his students. But, he's always full of encouragement for those that feel unconfident with their writing or analyzing skills, and that makes him one of the better English teachers at this school.

Yixing--The Guitar teacher

--He'd be that semi-strict teacher when it comes to teaching students how to play guitar. He gives song-playing tests fairly often, but also gives a lot of re-tries. He's always available during lunch time if anyone wants to practice in his classroom, or just eat their lunch and chat with him. And he really just wants the best for people, and so he tends to give off a very calm, warm aura. A lot of students, heck, even fellow teachers flock to him and his attractive dimples because of that.

Baekhyun--The Drama teacher

--He'd be the loud, gossipy drama teacher who gossips about fellow teachers and lets his students gossip to him about their classmates. Literally, he's just in it for the drama. But sometimes that aura that he gives off where his students can treat him as one of their own changes dramatically when it comes to say, him directing school plays. Some might say he's a bit of a perfectionist, but he says that everything has to be great when he's one of the main foundations for keeping the art program afloat in this school!

Jongdae--The Chorus teacher

--He'd be an equally loud, chorus teacher. Literally, when he sings in his falsetto, you can practically hear him all the way from the language department. He's very patient and caring when it comes to his students though, to the point where some come to him during lunch for advice and such. And even the students that feel like they can't sing well end up having fun as he always manages to find a part for them that just fits. Some say he has perfect pitch, some say he's just very intuitive. But either way, tears get shed every year during the school's annual choir festival when his students end up beautifully singing one of many sad, old ballads to the masses.

Chanyeol--The Music Theory teacher

--He'd be another loud teacher, completing the trifecta of loudest teachers at this school. He always announces himself as a jack of all trades during the beginning of every new semester since he plays acoustic, electric and bass guitar, the piano, the keyboard, the drums, and even the didgeridoo. He also loves to sing, and got his love of music from the womb and--okay, he's also a pretty talkative teacher. But, when it comes to teaching about intervals and chords and various scale modes and the like--the serious side of him comes out. Sometimes he stumbles over his words in his excitement to teach, but eventually his students get what he means, and leave his class with a better understanding of the language of music every time.

Kyungsoo--The FCS/Home Ec teacher

--He'd be the cute Family and Consumer Sciences/Home Economics teacher that practically everyone's crushing on. Students and teachers alike want to either date him, adopt him, let him adopt them, and other things that are better kept as fantasies. His voice is fairly quiet yet soothing, and so when he talks, all of his students listen. He'll always walk around and offer high-fives to students that follow his directions well and re-assure the ones that might mess up on a step or two with a smile. He teaches how to cook, how to clean, how to deal with family life and relationships, and even how to be financially responsible. So, safety tends to be a main theme in his lessons too. The dance teacher also likes to stop by his class a lot, and from the soft smiles and parting hugs that they give each other, a lot of students have accurately deduced that they're dating.

Zitao--The Fashion Design teacher

--He'd be the fashion design teacher with an impeccable fashion sense. He's apparently sewn clothes for himself and others since he was a kid, and now wants to bring his knowledge to other eager, future fashion moguls. Sometimes he assigns a lot of projects, with deadlines that should be longer and aspects that shouldn't be so advanced for beginners, but he's working on it. Fortunately, he was able to persuade the school board to hire him an assistant. A really cute assistant that he's been dating for a long while now.

Jongin--The Dance teacher

--He'd be that very attractive teacher that again people fantasize about a lot. Dancing's so obviously his first passion, and it shows whenever he teaches a new choreography or dance lesson. Sometimes he and his students will jog out of the class, up the nearby stairwell and out onto the track-field to really warm-up. And sometimes his choreography may seem kinda difficult for beginner dancers, and leave some people frustrated. But, with his encouraging eyes, and his award-winning smile, even the most unconfident student continues to practice and try. And that's all he could ever ask for.

Sehun--The Assistant-teacher (Zitao's)

--He'd be the attentive and always well-dressed assistant-teacher in Zitao's classes, that looks done with everything a majority of the time. But, despite his naturally bored expression, he really cares a lot about these students too. He's the one that they thank whenever a deadline gets extended, or a project gets re-graded--since he's the one that ends up convincing Zitao to lighten up some. And with him and Zitao working together, morale in Zitao's classes have really gone up.

#exo #exo meme #my meme #exo ot12 #exo imagine #ya know I had to add my otps in this lol #xiuhan #kaisoo #taohun #and I don't own any of the gifs used here btw #sehun #jongin #kai #zitao #tao #kyungsoo #d.o. #chanyeol #jongdae #chen #baekhyun #yixing #lay #junmyeon #suho #yifan #kris #luhan #minseok #xiumin

[femmedplume]

Bastille @ the Wiltern (aka How Dan Smith Kissed Me)

Okay friends, strap in, this is gonna be a ride -- partially because I’s super excited, and partially because this is my ONE CHANCE to get revenge for the millions of SPN Con breakdowns I’ve had to read over the years, lol. ((BUT, because I am a nice nice Stitch, I shall put a read more break and you can scroll to the bottom if all you want to read is the kiss part lol.))

To start off, dis me and mah buddy Mikey ( @gnaist​) 

We have known each other since fucking JUNIOR HIGH, and (as I told him last night,) there are v v few people I enjoy enough to tolerate them for over twenty years, let alone still actively want to see them. Dis guy? He dat guy. :) And he also puts up with me with minimal complaining. 

Mikey and I share a birthday week, and we usually do something together (just us) during September to celebrate. This year, he was sweet enough to agree that our Birthday Shenanigans™ should take place at the ONE gig Bastille’s playing in LA -- not because he's a fan, but because I am. #FriendshipGoals

So first, I got all dolled up, with fancy pink and purple hair and Bastille-themed nails:

(That’s 00:15 for their song Quarter Past Midnight, a ∆ , and a letter for each member of the band: Charlie (guitar), Woody (drums), Will (bass), Kyle (keyboards), and Dan (lead singer))

Then, I drove to Mikey’s and gave him his half of our newest tradition: Birthday Socks!! One for me and one for him. 

We had dinner at this awesome patisserie close to Mikey’s awesome new place (shoutout to him for Adulting and buying his first condo!) We also got cake because Birthday Shenanigans™.

The food was super tasty, and the cakes were CHOCOLATE AF (don’t talk to me about my allergies, okay? Is mah BIRTHDAY)

We were running late, so we actually ate in the Lyft (the driver was nice enough to let us, and we were careful not to spill.) We got to the Wiltern at 7pm, JUST as they started letting people in.

Once we got in, we got overpriced (but very tasty) drinkies (Birthday Shenanigans™)

And then Mikey informed me that if we were going to a concert, we were getting merch. (Mikey is v v wise and a literal doctor, so I 100% believe anything he tells me.) We got shirts!

He got a cute Quarter Past Midnight shirt (that was also unusually soft and high quality,) and I got the tie-dye one that’s based off Dan Smith’s actual shirt. I’mma cut up the collar like I do with all my shirts because I hate t-shirt collars.

Then we went inside the actual theatre, which is an Art Deco beauty. They’d taken out all the seats, but the orchestra section has many shallow levels/risers, and people could basically choose which section they wanted to stand in. There was a bar INSIDE the theatre. The lighting was too low for good pics, but you can sorta see in this:

The very front pit and center section were filled with people who hadn’t sauntered in four hours late with chocolate mousse cake -- but there was space off to the right where we could stand and only two people were in front of us. YAY!

Then we waited. And waited. AND WAITED LIKE WTF PEOPLE?? I figure the Wiltern wants to give people time to buy drinks and stuff, but two HOURS???

Finally, about 9pm, the support act came on: a female singer named Fletcher? Anyone heard of her? Anyway, she was really good, had a gorgeous voice -- although we couldn’t understand what she was singing, but that was more because of the mic set up. 

(Das her. V petite and blonde and has a looooot of songs about breakups, lol.)

Once Fletcher finished her set, there was another break while the road crew set up Bastille’s equipment. It was sort of fun to watch, because they’re all English blokes so they’re chatting away in cute accents while they’re doing the setup.

And then, FINALLY, Bastille came on stage. 

And it. 

Was.

WORTH IT.

They went hard from the moment they stepped on stage, and kept the energy up the entire time. 

I cannot fully express to you how electric they are live -- but let’s just say that all the good pictures are Mikey’s because  a) he is the bestest of friends and played cameraman for the evening -- but also b) I was too busy jumping around with Dan to get any actual images of Dan jumping around

He even raced up to the balcony during Flaws, WHILE SINGING and dancing. (I was a bit disappointed he didn’t come by where we were standing, but I was also happy for the balcony peoples because you don’t normally get to interact much in the balcony. Also: ART DECO!!!)

Dan Smith’s voice was PEAK HONEY, and he did all the songs I hoped he would: The Draw, Blame, Quarter Past Midnight...hell, I’ll just show you the set-list, which I got to see after the show:

(The girl holding it was the one who got to keep it -- she was super sweet and a HUGE fan who’d been to tons of concerts but had never gotten a hold of a set-list, so we were all happy she finally got one! :D) 

SIDENOTE: 

During the show, there was this moment in the song Bad Blood where Dan came over to the side of the stage where we were standing. Now, the camera lens makes it seem like we were farther away than we were, like this:

When in reality we could see more like this:

So the band could see our faces, too. So during Bad Blood, Dan’s singing, and I’m singing along with him (like a goober) and I raised my hand like you do when you’re feeling a song...

and he RAISED HIS HAND BACK AND SANG TO ME!

For like, two seconds, but still. It was a MOMENT.

After that, I was floating on Cloud 9 -- so when the concert ended, I was ready to call it a perfect night. But when we went out (the back exit, as it was closer,) Mikey mentioned that because the line had stretched around the far corner of the Wiltern, we’d never gotten a chance to get a pic of the actual marquis. 

So we paused, and I looked back at the theater alley and thought -- huh, I wonder if they might...come out afterwards? Mebbe sign a few things? I has this nice shirt I spent too much money on...mebbe they sign my nice shirt, eh?

So Mikey went to get his pic of the marquis, which came out FABULOUSLY:

And then we settled in to wait at the end of the alley where we thought they might come out. Turns out, we were at the wrong end. So after like, 30 mins of waiting on one end, we (there were like, 20 of us) meandered over to the OTHER end of the alley, where the band’s cars were waiting and the crew was loading out the equipment. 

BTW, the Bastille crew? Super sweet, English and American, and those boys fucking HUSTLED. They were rolling 300-400lb equipment into this semi, basically doing the world’s largest game of Tetris, trying to fit everything in. We was all v v impressed. 

They also brought us water?? Because we’d been waiting for an hour and a half at this point and they felt bad, like...?? AND THEN, they gave us the balloons from the set!!

And all the fans were really nice, and started taking the bunches of balloons apart so that everyone who wanted a balloon could have one (I got a green one, mah favorite color!)

So we’re waiting. And waiting. And WAITING GODDAMN DON’T THEY HAVE CLOCKS IN ENGLAND??

The crew finishes loading, the semi backs out, still we wait. Their manager finally comes out and says that yes they’re coming out, but probably only going to take a couple of group shots with all of us/not sign anything or chat. Why? Because the boys are exhausted. He tells us they’ve flown from England to Sacramento to Vegas to LA in 3 days and played 4 shows, soo... understandable situation. 

EXCEPT for this one fan, who started whining at the manager. “I didn’t wait ALL THIS TIME for some fucking group shot, I want a SELFIE!” “I need Dan to take a pic of me with my SIGN!!” (She kept harping about her sign... is no even a good sign?) 

Then, when it looked for a second like maybe the boys weren’t coming out at all, she snaps “You PROMISED they were coming!!” >:( The tone of this person’s voice, man -- you know the one? Like she’s Sharon at the Walmart and they were out of stock of Pantene Pro-V or some shit and they OWED HER some gotdamn PANTENE and where is the manager?? Ugh.

Anywho, the boys come out. (Except Will. He might have already fallen asleep, IDK lol.) But there was a Dan and a Kyle and a Woody, and they all not ONLY took some group shots, but DID give hugs and stuffs. 

(Dan giving hugs. Woody, who was totally smiley and friendly and not a miserable git like this pic makes him look...right after this moment he ran over and gave the girl next to me a hug. Kyle was off to my right, giving many hugs and taking many pictures.)

(Dan in a taco hat a fan had given him. Woody heading back after giving many hugs.)

(Dan apologizing profusely because someone gave him a shirt for a present and he hadn’t realized that there was an image of a nekkid lady in the art collage on the front, and we were all ladies and he didn’t want us to feel uncomfortable or think he was a misogynist so he covered it up oh god he’s such a cinnamon roll I cannot!)

And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for: THE KISS.

So, during the interminable waiting, (literally, TWO HOURS PLUS, you guys!) several of us started chatting -- during the chat, it came up that I has made a Bastille art. I showed the ladies this pic:

because we were all talking about Dan shaving his head and I was trying to convince them it was actually kinda hot, lol. 

They really liked the art!! :D So much so that they convinced me (after many prods and encouragements) to show the art to Dan. And I was gonna do it, honest! I was super brave and not at all terrified.

But then came the whole they’re too tired thing and I was like, eh, mebbe no? 

And THEN, Superbitch Fan was standing right next to me DEMANDING that Dan take a selfie with her and her sign. (Which he did, like a sweetheart.) Then when he went to turn to me, Superbitch decided she didn’t like the first pic, and PUSHED IN FRONT OF ME AND PAST THE SECURITY BARRIER to demand he take another one.

Which he did, like a sweetheart -- but then turned past me, probably so she couldn’t grab him again. So I figured, lost cause, right?

Wrong. As he turned back, I was holding the phone out, but not quite up, kind of undecided -- and it caught his eye. 

Daniel Campbell Smith GASPED, CLUTCHED HIS HEART

and said “Wow.” Looked at the pic, then back to me, said, “Did you...”

And I held it up and said “Um, yes, I made you...an art?” (Because you know, what are words and why would I, a writer, know how to use them?)

And he just gaped, like HE had no words -- and then leaned in and KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK.

And not a peck, either?? Like a firm, full on “you are amazing and so is your art thing thank you so much” kiss for several seconds??

AND MIKEY GOT THE PIC!

TL;DR:

It may be blurry, but there it is! Immortalized for all time, the moment Daniel Cinnamon Roll Smith liked my artwork SO MUCH he had to kiss me to say thank you. 

And then, dear friends, I died. 

I have, in fact, been writing this diary from my condo on the edge of the Lake of Fire in Hades. Because I’m dead. 

BEST. NIGHT. EVER!!**

((Bonus: Mikey is now a Bastille fan! He really liked the concert, and is going to make his own playlist based on the concert’s set list. I’m so freaking happy we got to share that!! :DDDD)) 

((Super-bonus: Look in the right-hand corner of the kiss pic. See that woman looking like she’s having her night ruined? THAT was Superbitch. HA!))

**All credit to @gnaist for taking pictures of the entire night, even when I didn’t know he was shooting lol. 

#this has been the entirely true diary of your friendly neighborhood Stitch #thanks for reading #I promise I'll post some video of the concert in a bit #stitch in real life #bastille #dan smith: deep enough to drown #concert #the wiltern #live music #fanart #IDK what else to tag this but I feel like I's missing something? #oh! #the doctor and stitch

[breakyrlegs]

The 80 Best Albums of 2018

80. Beware the Book of Eli- Ski Mask the Slump God

For someone who has spent so much time living in the shadow of everyone’s (least) favorite Soundcloud rap quasi-martyr, Ski Mask the Slump God is one of the more audacious technical virtuosos out there. There’s no time to lose on Beware, so every second is a product of Ski anxiously shredding through ways to get your attention. There is no flow he’s afraid to try, no sound he won’t make.

79. 7- Beach House 

Beach House have monopolized a space in the indie-rock sphere for about a decade now. Their dominance is no fluke, but after a few hard-hitters, I was worried that they might make the same album over and over again. However, just a week after the almost too obvious Depression Cherry, they dropped Thank Your Lucky Stars, a more lucid affair. It marked a new chapter. 7 sees them continue to be done with making dream pop for sweet, peaceful dreams...they’re now making music for all dreams, especially the ones that linger into the morning, the ones you have to ask around about to make sure they weren’t real. Corny? Maybe, but it’s nice to see a stubborn band add even more dimension to their seasoned sound.

78. El Hombre- El Alfa

What does it mean to be “el hombre”? There’s no straight answer but if I had to take a crack at it, I’d say it‘s when you spearhead an entire genre so hard that when you venture out of said genre, people complain about it, even though the song features Cardi B. It also could be when you make yourself sound like the most obnoxious cartoon mouse imaginable, yet still manage to spit out a slapper. He may be the king of dembow, but El Alfa can’t be pigeonholed. Whether his voice is a sputtering tour-de-force or a comically nasal squelch, this album is a celebration of the ridiculous. In the end, the best songs are peak dembow, where a cloying sample of El Alfa’s voice works itself into a tornado and thumps for what could be forever.

77. 777- KEY! & Kenny Beats

Kenny was a prodigal son who left hip hop with dollar signs in his eyes and his tongue sticking out, tempted by the call of #REAL #TRAP #SHIT. Key! was an artist who had existed on the periphery of the scene, paying his dues while earning the most visibility when tacked onto the end of a Father song. They are the type of match that would slip under the radar until you realize that not only do they bring out the best in each other, but they also tap into something quite glamorous. The beats bump, the melodies stick, the energy is so high, and Key! treats this like his magnum opus. He’s expressive, dynamic, and Kenny lets him do it without any gimmicks. 

76. Soma 0,5 Mg- Taconafide

Maybe I’m a little biased, but I can’t understate how much this means to me. A Polish rap album that doesn’t draw on trends that fell out of favor eight years ago? One that is building its own lane and not just tangentially existing on the sidelines of the American scene? One that has not only one moderately funny song but a whole pack of well-thought out, extremely catchy bangers? No way. It’s too good to be true. Taco and Quebonafide carry themselves like they know that this is the album of a generation, that millions of Polish kids living their lives peering across the pond finally have something that is distinctly their own, and, more importantly, distinctly Polish. Dawaj dawaj! 

75. Shadow On Everything- BAMBARA

It’s hard to talk dirt on an album that has all its instrumentation down to a tee. Sure, you can’t get by on technical efficiency alone, but when bellowing drums translate into something so menacing and a flurry of guitars create such a haunting ambient presence, you take no detours when you’re propelled into the darkness. These songs are packed with enough action to tell stories but really, they just set scenes. That’s for the better. BAMBARA circumvent all the pitfalls of making post-punk in 2018 by putting passion into everything, ramping up the chaos as much as they can.

74. Doomsday Clarion- Airport

The world of fragile, noisy Soundcloud electronic collages is a pretty funny one, but rarely does the humor feel as sharp as it does on Doomsday Clarion. Miranda Pharis compiles sounds that never cease to keep me amused, intrigued, and, most importantly, spooked. They also find a way to tie them together so that it feels like non-stop commentary. Halfway through this thing, when we are exposed to a tangent about how one of the songs excels at putting an unnamed Youtube commenter’s rabbit to sleep, at first it’s like “LOL random”, but then it starts to feel like a snarky dissection of underground culture performativity...and it makes me wanna keep reaching as hard as I did there. It’s the type of record that wants to make you sound like a fool, yet Pharis doesn’t scoff as much as they embrace and pay homage. These turbulent compositions are all the more essential for it.

73. Nasty- Rico Nasty

There’s a few things you learn on Rico Nasty’s thunderous entrance. Apart from her sixth sense for broke boys and fake bitches, the observation that hits the hardest is that she’s pretty...well...nasty. She’s also not even close to being interested in apologizing for her fame, and anyone who thinks she should because she’s done it by making extremely aggressive (and borderline mean) bangers is full of shit. If Nasty proves anything, it’s that nobody is going quite as hard as this, and even though that would be enough merit to rest on, she’s not going to stop there. The more tender and spacious tracks here are shockingly the ones that bite the hardest. For an album that builds so much tension from brash exclamations, that’s quite a flex.

72. Negro Swan- Blood Orange

For Dev Hynes, the transition from indie’s best networker to its most multifaceted social commentator has been a successful one. However, I feel like that label minimizes him, because his albums are not trying to tell you anything, instead acting as abstractly pointed containers for ideas and chunks of culture that mold together into something triumphant. His albums have always been celebrations that cut deep into the complexity of blackness, queerness, and history. Negro Swan is his most on-the-nose and also his most unapologetically happy. However, it’s not the concise statements that make the album but the gorgeous, subdued melodies that take charge before you can even touch them. It might lack the explosiveness of Freetown Sound, but there’s hardly a moment on this record that isn’t radiant or holds back on any of its charm.

71. In Another Life- Sandro Perri

It doesn’t take long until the title track on this album finds the groove that it will spend the next 24-minutes delicately unraveling. It is a dainty, sweeping groove based on a simple keyboard arpeggio that invites every other sound in the vicinity to flourish with it, like it’s hosting an open picnic. It paces around, disintegrating and advancing with time, but by the end, it’s exactly where it started. That’s the beauty of Perri’s work; to say he can milk an idea is an understatement. He can milk an idea to the point where you can’t even tell an idea’s being milked, silently highlighting the beauty that emerges with prolonged exposure. 

70. Aura- Ozuna

It should come as no surprise that the most stacked summer album came courtesy of reggaeton’s most profitable powerhouse. It’s not even the extent to which these tracks go, but the sheer force with which Ozuna can continuously spin out them out, over and over again, like it’s absolutely nothing to him. For over an hour, it sounds like he’s doing no more than acting on his impulses, tapping into non-stop melodies and rhythms with confidence that it will all stick. Of course all these songs exist in the same vein, but there’s no comparing the twinkling romance of ‘Ibiza’ with the glitzy flexing on ‘Única’ or even the thumping pulse of ‘Sigueme los Pasos’, where he gloriously joins forces with reggaeton’s other king. There are 20 bangers on here, and the album only kinda drags. It can’t be this easy.

69. Famous Cryp- Blueface

It’s actually hilarious watching people get worked up about Blueface. “He can’t even rap on beat! How hard can it be to rap on beat?” Lmao, if you think rapping on beat is a prerequisite to making hip-hop, you’re as bad as the people trying to keep the impressionists out of art galleries just because they weren’t making hyper-realistic Jesus art. Yeah, I said it. Blueface is rap game Renoir. For real, it’s so much easier to rely on conventional technical ability than to tap into something that actually expands on a style of rap that should’ve been out of ideas a long time ago. Most importantly, if Blueface is such a hack, then how come he makes it sound so fucking good? How does he manage to rap like he’s racing the beat to the end of each bar, with his voice cracking every chance it gets, and still churn out songs with so much momentum? Why the fuck would he rap on beat? So he can sound like every wholesale G Perico/YG out there? Smh.

68. ASTROWORLD- Travis Scott

It would almost be irresponsible to leave the most quintessentially 2018 album of 2018 off this list. If you didn’t hear ASTROWORLD within a week of it dropping, you might as well have been watching telemarketing that whole week while 60,000 feet under the ground with no phone service. For all its lyrical gaffes, lack of personality, and unreasonably quiet NAV features, this album is pretty sick. We always knew Travis Scott was something of a curational master, with a taste for crafting rap albums that aren’t about him as much as they are apexes of the mainstream scene. However, when he came off as hollow before, ASTROWORLD has such an abundance of quality that you can’t even deny it. His ambition is easy to poke fun at until you find yourself returning to these songs again and again, marveling at each extravagant beat change or “STRAIGHT UP!” like it was your first time hearing it.

67. SR3MM- Rae Sremmurd

Just a note, I’m not referring to two solo albums that came with this (sorry Swaecation) because for all their charm, those were a bit harder to vouch for. Instead, I’m talking about the nine-track banger platter that got overshadowed by all the noise surrounding the “triple album.” Somehow, SR3MM was stealthily the well-rounded, adventurous album the boys had been promising us this whole time. Perhaps it’s because it is filler-free or because both of them (Swae Lee especially) have become absolute masters of their craft, having made so many seductive, irresistible tracks that at this point they could do it in their sleep. Or maybe it’s because there are so many imitators and it’s nice to have a burst of authenticity. There is hardly a moment on this album that isn’t an integral part of a refined rap song. They have so much more fun together. Sure, Swae is eclipsing, but I really hope they don’t break up.

66. Loma- Loma

When Cross Record established themselves as sublime folk masters on Wabi-Sabi, I didn’t think they needed the not-so-trendy and very, very normal input of Shearwater’s Jonathan Meiburg. I guess I was wrong. Turns out where they were once comfortable soaking in the hushed splendor, they are now compelled to be a bit more ambitious, to venture into louder places with more confidence. Thankfully, the newfound grandiosity does not come at the expense of any beauty; the vocal acrobatics sink into the spectral sheets of instrumentation just as smoothly as they did before.

65. Pastoral- Gazelle Twin

Gazelle Twin is a hard sell. There’s really no reason this uber-spooky electronic project where a woman in a mask chants and roars over industrial beats should be good. The look is cool and all, but this shit can be really off-putting if you’re not willing to have a little fun. Thankfully, the vibe is backed up by the production, which seems custom built to fill these songs with the bloodcurdling energy they project. If she’s not pounding her shrillness into you, she’s catching a sample at its most disorienting and looping it into further oblivion. It’s overwhelming yet so effective.

64. QUARTERTHING- Joey Purp

Now, I'm no purist who lives their life cowering under "DEATH TO MUMBLE RAP" bullshit, but if the status quo of hip-hop today can be critiqued for one thing, it's monotony. In a time where Drake can drop a 25-song album with, like, only ten songs where he actually sounds interested in what he's saying, it's refreshing to hear Joey Purp attack each verse like it's his last, with each hook falling into its groove like he was told at gunpoint to think of something catchy. If Joey Purp makes a song about something, he's going to approach the topic with purpose, almost likes he's aiming to make the definitive song about that thing. Here, he uses this essentiality to flex his versatility. QUARTERTHING is a record of confident experiments, songs that wander into unknown territory with purpose, capturing lightning in a bottle most of the time.

63. Le Kov- Gwenno

Gwenno is the type of vocalist who gets swept up by her songs rather than situating herself at the eye of storm. Her voice is a soft whisper most of the time, but the reverb on the drums accentuates each snare with a room filling quality while every dash of organ lingers and sustains. It’s baroque, it’s timeless, and, most importantly, it’s in Cornish, which I definitely thought was an extinct language. She could rest on that monopoly and still be fine, but she indulges instead. It’s an ideal combination of originality and refinement of an age-old style.

62. Drip Harder- Lil Baby & Gunna

When they’re not together, Lil Baby and Gunna aren’t that good. All of their solo albums at this point have been coated in filler, and when there’s a standout track, they usually both show up. That’s why it’s not surprising that the Young Thug proteges find their niche on Drip Harder, but it’s still shocking just how sharp, cohesive, and vital this sounds. The duo are moulding expressive, abstract melody-driven hip-hop in a way that hasn’t been as notable and of-the-time since Thugger and Rich Homie Quan did it in 2014. That pairing was more unlikely and exciting, but this one is more natural. Every moan, confession, and groove on here is impossible to resist, and the beats are some of the most intoxicating of the year. RHQ and Thugger crashed hard as a duo after they peaked, but I hope these two either stick together or use this as a launchpad for artistic growth. There’s so much room for it to grow, but for now, it’s more than enough to watch them carry each other’s weight.

61. Another Life- Amnesia Scanner

The hyper-saturated industrial dance music of Amnesia Scanner has now turned into hyper-saturated industrial pop music. As bizarre as that is to say about songs that are almost all led by grating synthetic vocals on the brink of becoming a deafening screech, there’s something conventionally attractive about the way these hooks form. Whether it comes in the form of a stuttering refrain or a massive #drop designed to elevate any scrapyard rave into the impending cyber-apocalypse, the pleasures here are simple.

60. Magus- Thou

It’s getting harder and harder for fans across the metal spectrum to agree on a canon. So much metal is being churned out at such a high rate, it’s becoming more of a task to pick out the gold from the clutter. Thou make a name for themselves with unmistakable grandiosity. Their sound isn’t the most challenging; the snarls have a soothing, ASMR-esque texture to them and the riffs are clean-cut, progressing with grace. For a band this prolific, it’s notable when they come out with something this refined. You can hear the effort in every idea, the precision in every new path they take. Magus might be the best entry point for metal’s most consistent stalwarts, a band who are much more interested in perfecting their distinct ambiance than embarking on well-meaning but slightly muddled genre-fusion.

59. abysskiss- Adrianne Lenker

As if Big Thief weren’t intimate enough. Adrianne Lenker takes her band’s prime descriptor (either “intimate” or “delicate,” depends on the day) and sees just how far she can push it before it gets uncomfortable. The staring contest that ensues on abysskiss is what you’d expect from one of the most hushed, intricate vocalists breathing into your ear with no more than a guitar backing her up. She definitely has the talent to get away with a mood piece, but no, abysskiss is home to some of the most devastating songs in her arsenal. At her best Lenker is lulling you into woozy trance, with songs that pack the visceral explosion of secrets. Such a sparse record has no right to be this intoxicating.

58. FM!- Vince Staples

You wouldn’t trust an elegant craftsman like Vince Staples to actually make an album that’s “no concepts, no elaborate schemes, just music.” He’s rap’s smuggest pundit, as well as the brains behind some of its most captivating music. So even though FM! is brief and blunt at its core, it still can’t resist being super clever. For starts, although Vince’s albums are often personal, they are seldom embedded with this much unshakable geography and West Coast inside humor. FM! is designed to sound like it’s playing on FM (get it) radio, and every time he cashes in on the gimmick with a new Tyga or Earl Sweatshirt snippet, his grin becomes more radiant. FM! thrives as a reminder that Vince can hop on any slender beat and ride it with ease, his listenability being the spectacle with the observations fattening it up.

57. Cellar Belly- Wished Bone

Those who know me might be shocked that a lo-fi twee album of any kind made it on this list, but Wished Bone are onto something. Sure, I’m a sucker for those staticy, soothing vocals and the delicate clicks and hisses that adorn them. If you’re going to celebrate the whimsical, you better make a full send. However, the beauty of Cellar Belly is not just the alluring sound but the amount Wished Bone are willing to do with it. There’s a sex jam called ‘Pollinate Me’ where they literally go “I am a flower, you are a bee.” Elsewhere, when ‘Seed’ abruptly turns into an itchy swing jam, I’m floored. Shouts out to delicate phantasmagoria; this is haunting in the cutest way.

56. mouth mouse maus- emamouse x yeongrak

This album is a colossal headache. Of course, anything that picks from the most lo-fi strains of nightcore and 8-bit is likely to make you feel a bit queasy, but mouth mouse maus is actually mesmerizing with the extent to which it sounds like a malfunctioning carousel in clown hell. Sure, this album is difficult to listen to and if you’re tuning in casually it’ll probably sound like erratic sludge. Yet there’s something heinous about just how fun it is. It’s not just fun in the random, unpredictable way but more so because it has you on the edge of your seat. This album tests you but you’re going to want to keep going, just to catch a glimpse at whatever tomfuckery comes next.

55. Elysia Crampton- Elysia Crampton

Although she likes to keep it short, nobody has epitomized the vanguard of electronic music in the past few years as confidently as Elysia Crampton. It’s like her sound is caught in this furious web where everything collides, with snippets of trap tripping over sturdy breakbeats that are embellished with a whiff of punk. It’s like an information overload themed fever dream that creates a world so dense it hurts your brain to think about. But it sounds so good with no frills. It’s a language so tempting to imitate, but even her peers can’t come close to this breathtaking chaos. This time, the grooves are as adventurous and subtle as they have ever been. It’s just as easy to be drawn in and just as hard to look away.

54. Freedom- Amen Dunes

Freedom is one of those rare sonic wonders that seems removed from any modern trends yet pushes the envelope far too much to be shrugged off as revivalism. Sure, Amen Dunes have influences and many of them come from a clearly defined school of rugged, classic Americana. However, Freedom is too musically nuanced and personal to function as any sort of nostalgia trip. It’s the album where a mastermind songwriter fully finds his voice after nearly a decade. Damon McMahon has made great albums before, but none of them have the urgency of Freedom. In that sense, it feels like it came out of nowhere, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. The loudness with which he projects, this unmistakable need to be heard is what’s new; Freedom is an album that screams self-acceptance, magnifying the affirmative catharsis that comes after years of internalized trauma. You can’t deny the power of that, but even if you do, you have more than enough splendid melodies to gawk at.

53. Chris- Christine and the Queens

I get too close to putting Chris in a box. Impulse has me wanting to write about how this a masterclass in “queer pop,” because it’s so easy to oversimplify queer artists and bunch them together under the same umbrella. Although identity is at the core of her art, Chris is not an embrace of an identity as much as it is a rejection of the need to clearly articulate your identity or to have an identity that pertains to a set of rules. Chris finds eroticism in confusion, and in that sense, it is a stellar non-statement, with each sentiment drilled into your heart via Chris’s enveloping voice and the record’s colorful, addictive production. Vulnerability is rarely this convincing.

52. Now Only- Mount Eerie

On the surface, Now Only feels like six leftovers from the most gut-wrenching musical diary entry about death ever made. That would be fine, but this is so much more. Now Only exhibits a new lens with which Phil Elverum views his devastation. He knows he will never accept it, but allowing himself to grieve helps him approach a semblance of peace. The confessional approach is just as tear-jerking as it was before, but instead of lingering in Genevieve’s ghost, we are hearing someone who has found deeper meaning in this therapy. Musically, Now Only is more vast and ambitious, but the sentiment is just as awe-inspiring. It takes a lot of genuine pain to pull off songwriting like this, and after the mass catharsis that touring A Crow Looked at Me must have been, it’s fascinating to witness the depth and growth of some of the most intense emotions one can ever feel.

51. Only Love- The Armed

Maximalism and enigma is a tricky cocktail to pull off, but if there’s a place for it, it’s definitely in the hyper-saturated world of metalcore. There’s only a few ways in which these types of outbursts can go down, but when you’re doing as much as The Armed, it ends up being pretty spicy. This album is a non-stop catharsis where everyone is putting all the effort they possibly can into whatever noise they’re making. It seems spontaneous and turbulent, but there’s no way something this constantly earth-shattering isn’t carefully orchestrated. I would call this all-over-the-place, but all the action is streamlined and compressed so that, for all its shrieking and pounding, Only Love ends up being a pretty nice listen. That’s only from a sonic perspective though, because as an emotional experience, this is gut-wrenching, borderline hard to sit through. If you give it the attention it demands, Only Love’s childlike expression defies trends and subverts expectations.

50. Rich As In Spirit- Rich Homie Quan

What do you do when you fall off? It happens to pretty much everyone eventually. I don’t judge those who decide to cash in or rely on publicity stunts to get back into the public eye or even those who just stop trying. But Rich Homie Quan made one promise to us, didn’t he? He goes in on every song. He’s still goin in. He will never stop going in. Rich Homie Quan has been eclipsed by most of his former peers, but on Rich As In Spirit, he does exactly what he needed to do; stop worrying and hone his craft. You can hear the effort and emotion on just about every song. Rich Homie knows he’s gifted and doesn’t need to prove it. He’s always had a vastly underappreciated melodic grip and a penchant for churning out the most energy-fueled, heartfelt bangers. Rich As In Spirit magnifies that. Putting in effort doesn’t mean overdoing it. It’s refreshing to hear someone sound so much less jaded than his contemporaries, quietly outshining them in the process.

49. X 100PRE- Bad Bunny

Bad Bunny’s bellowing baritone used to be a couple things, but now it’s everything. As one of the most potent voices in pop music, his debut album was liable to slap, but X 100PRE concisely shows off the versatility that his singles hinted at. To say he stays in his comfort zone would be irrelevant because his comfort zone is so wide. He came up off the Latin trap wave, but now his prowess shines strongest on his ballads; the inspired optimism of ‘Estamos Bien’ or the sensual nocturne on ‘Otra Noche en Miami’. When he links with Diplo on ‘200 MPH’, it is just as mammoth as you’d expect, not because of Diplo but because the refrain is so fucking sticky. Even the songs where he does the most are far from tacky; the seamless switch on ‘Solo de Mi’ and the hilarious entrance of El Alfa on ‘La Romana’ show his curational eye. It’s one thing to have great ideas but it’s another to execute them so tastefully. Bad Bunny is Puerto Rico’s improvement of Travis Scott; his albums have the same sights and sounds, but twice the personality.

48. A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This- American Pleasure Club

You never know what you’re going to get from a Sam Ray project. One of the great gifts to have comes with the passing of time is the bleeding of Ricky Eat Acid’s mesmerizing ambient music into Ray’s lo-fi emo outlet Teen Suicide, which has now rightfully rebranded as American Pleasure Club. The cynicism has shed off with the name; A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This is still despondent and stressed out (I mean what do you expect with that title), but it’s a lot more genuine and the thrills it holds are a lot more heartfelt. It’s hard to think of a way to channel your emotions that Ray won’t try. This album mostly consists of illustrious sad ballads made from ingredients so delicate that it seems like the foundation could collapse at any time. That’s not to imply that it is unsturdy but rather that these sounds are strong enough to break free from the glue holding them together. Elegance has become Ray’s forte, but he makes sure every goosebump is earned.

47. KTSE- Teyana Taylor

The last and least anticipated of Kanye’s Wyoming albums ended up being the easiest one to love. Teyana Taylor had been sitting on a bed of potential for years before this dropped, but her most visible moments came in the form of uncredited features, reality TV, and Kanye music videos. Kanye’s gold mine of minimalist, sample-based production feels most at ease when it’s elevating R&B, and Teyana has the ideal disposition to lead the charge. She’s confident, unashamed, and empowered. These songs articulate pleasure in a way that is proudly hyper-sexual, but even though its lyrics read like erotic literature sometimes, the result is tasteful. Taylor composes herself on this album like a star waiting to burst, her raspy yelp stealing the show every chance it gets. But this album will forever be associated with Kanye, and in fairness, that’s fine. He saved the most sultry, glimmering beats in his arsenal for this, and it pays off on an album that unravels with masterful pace.

46. Kwaidan- Meitei

I haven’t heard anything else like this and I promise I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it. Kwaidan is an anomaly, an album that orchestrates the most befuddling atmosphere without getting lost in its abstraction. Rhythms emerge from dust and the spoken-word croak (you’ll know it when you hear it) rides them with the grip of an MC. The juxtaposition of ancient and futuristic emerged when Meitei moved to Kyoto, a city where he knew nobody, and wandered around until the mood overwhelmed him. The bite of Kwaidan is rooted in this immersion; there’s no way you can make music this precise, creative, and original without fully buying into your surroundings. Many artist have tried (and failed) to capture the oh so fetishizable “Lost Japanese” aesthetic. Kwaidan epitomizes exactly what they were chasing. It’s hard thing to do right, but holy shit, it is rewarding.

45. Nothing 2 Loose- DJ Healer

There are three types of tracks on here. First, there are the more standard ambient ones, where lonely synths tread through densely layered pops and crackles. Then there are the ones which are led by a melting vocal sample (often a vocoder) channeling something disorienting and alien. However, the big guns come out when the record takes an absurd sample, whether it be a melodramatic melody or some ridiculous rambling about how “this is God’s creation...isn’t it beautiful,” and loops it over some equally theatrical breakbeats. This shit can be so funny, and it’s hard to tell if the hyper-spiritual aesthetic is tongue-in-cheek or completely earnest. Either way, it drills itself into the record enough to justify whatever it is trying to be, regardless of whether it’s a punchline or naked sincerity. This is one of the more haunting, incisive ambient techno albums in recent memory, built on ideas that are not only clever but extremely immersive.

44. Grid of Points- Grouper

Nobody has spent this decade cultivating a more distinct, mesmerizing aesthetic than Liz Harris. Grouper has become one of the most reliable operations in modern music. You know that you’re going to get little more than reverb-soaked piano and breathy vocals, but you also know that the wave of emotions will be overwhelming. Harris records these songs in a room alone, and I don’t think it could be done any other way. It’s astonishing how she is able to consistently do so much with so little, and I know that’s a cliché but fuck it. The warmth and comfort that radiates from these songs is priceless. Grid of Points is not as haunting as past Grouper, but it’s more ethereal and, as a result, more conventionally pretty. This type of allure is a undeniable fit. It shows a new angle of a simple formula that will suck you in with every last breath and smother you with its seclusion.

43. Daytona- Pusha T

Who is the 2018 Clipse? Rae Sremmurd? (lol I like this analogy already) Let’s ride with it. Daytona is like if Swae Lee, 12 years down the line, actually found a more compelling way to sing about going to the Bahamas and dunking a girl in a pool. Obviously, in this case, the Bahamas and pools are replaced by selling coke, but you know what I’m saying. Basically, Pusha T has every right to have peaked already, but instead his coke aficionado character has only grown stronger with age. Like, I can’t believe it took him this long to come up with the line “fuck it, brick for brick, let’s have a blow off.” However, it’s not really Pusha T’s words that form this album’s backbone; as the entry point to Kanye’s prolific (and pretty great) Wyoming Sessions, the real catch is how Pusha T is able to merge with these stuttering, soulful backdrops to turn coke-rap into razor sharp poetry. Pusha’s dedication to developing one thing over the course of his career has made his imagery as potent as ever; but the brevity and minimalism here will not waste a single moment. In a year where he temporarily took down pop rap’s radio Jesus, his true legacy builder was far more modest but much more premeditated. 

42. Golden Hour- Kacey Musgraves

You ever think about, like, how there’s northern lights in our skies, plants that grow and open our minds. It’s kinda crazy that in Tennessee the sun’s going down and in Beijing they’re heading out to work. This is a real thing. Kacey Musgraves writes lyrics like she is a child realizing  everything for the first time and marvelling, jaw agape, at how it makes her feel. All cynicism aside, it’s refreshing to hear someone so enthralled with it. Golden Hour is a collection of earnest meditations on the most simple phenomena, shit we take for granted. And while it’s easy to poke fun at the parts of this album that sound like earnest marijuana-fueled banter, it’s a lot harder to escape when the music is so beautiful and the sentiment is so genuine. There are moments on here where Musgraves underlines things like temporality of our most cherished relationships or how euphoria is always dissolved by the shock that it’s all going to end. This is some of the purest lyricism that exists, an album that frees itself from the alienating shackles of its country aesthetic to become one of 2018’s hardest things to argue with. 

41. Slide- George Clanton

If you openly exploit the “vaporwave” tag for Soundcloud plays while lightly disowning the genre, you must be quite a cunning fucker. You better make sure that the music you’re making is not only post-vaporwave but a capitalization on the aesthetic that resonates with millions but earns the scorn of the critical masses. Slide is just that. It feels grand and important, like it’s the apex of the more cyber-persuaded strain of electro-pop lurking around the memescape. George Clanton is a meme god, an artist whose ambition justifies the more eye-roll inducing, needlessly fetishistic aspects of the subculture. The motifs in this album are not just extremely well thought out but all the more effective when they emerge in the form of blustering, explosive melodies. It’s very hard for them to fall into the background not just because they are beautiful but because you can tell he’s having fun. Slide ensures that there’s a wholesome time hiding behind every cloud of reverb.

40. Momentary Glance- Lisa/Liza

During a phase of grief, any creation is worthy of praise. The lore of Momentary Glance is clear-cut; overwhelmed by tragedy, Liza Victoria persevered through a biting winter to record these six songs. The despondent trance she falls into as she strums and chants is hypnotic, not just because of the prolonged intimacy but because the compositions are presented with all their raw imperfections, embellishments that suck you in instead of taking you out. Victoria’s vocals on this album act as a well of hope in the face of despair. There’s no right way to cope and no glory in suffering, so praising this album’s open wounds seems counterproductive. But when an aspect of your livelihood is snatched from you forever and you can’t bear how much you miss someone, an album that gets it like this is a warm blanket in a freezer, a beacon of empathy in the face of debilitating turmoil.

39. KIDS SEE GHOSTS- KIDS SEE GHOSTS

I’m not sure who needed this most. Was it Kanye, eager to balance out his ugly, legacy-ruining 2018 by making people finally talk about his music again? Or was it Kid Cudi, the tortured autotune godfather whose albums over the past decade had ranged from forgettable to holy shit i don’t even wanna think about it? Either way, KIDS SEE GHOSTS was the apex of the Wyoming sessions. It’s as if all the urgency spun into one concise project, where every segment showcases two genuine masterminds trying to bring out the best in one another. Kid Cudi especially treats this like the album he was destined to make, exhibiting warbles so seductive that you forget they were ever grating. He lends this album its emotional cruciality, with skyrocketing hooks that ache so hard and a tone so spot on it’s like he was saving it all for this.

Kanye takes this as an opportunity to showcase his curational genius. For a seven song album, many of these tracks feel like interludes not because they shrug off responsibility but because they take a form so unconventional that it’s almost distracting. Even the boldest ideas on here leave a great taste in your mouth, but in the end the dearest pleasure is Kanye’s rapping. Every time he opens his mouth he does so with vitality, something we haven’t seen to this degree since Yeezus. 

38. 2012-2017- Against All Logic

Nicolas Jaar is a sonic virtuoso. While he’s proven many times that he can twist and fiddle through his most complex compositions, simplicity bears the most genuine rewards. As you may have guessed from the title, this is a compilation of sorts. It suggests that Jaar has been taking a crack at more conventional house music on the side for most of this decade, and needed an outlet to release it without disrupting the much darker, denser expectations of the Nicolas Jaar brand. It’s no surprise that he pulls it off. It’s hard to think of another producer who has a more nuanced grip on how grooves work and how to find glory in texture. That being said, I did not expect something this casual and accessible to reveal itself as Jaar’s forte. Jaar really is one for the intersection of soul and house. These songs all follow a similar formula where an old-school sample gets worked into a modest yet riveting pulse. However, what he taps into suggests that some of these sounds are much more compelling with the context flipped around. For the scribblings of a mastermind, this is unreasonably presentable.

37. Stadium- Eli Keszler

The moment on Stadium that has me sold iss not one of the ingenious blends of shuffling percussion and jittering plucks that come to define its sound. It’s at the end of a song called ‘We Live in a Pathetic Temporal Urgency’ (lol), where the thuds dissipate and we are left with a natural sound recording of what sounds like pop music playing on the speakers of the mall. It’s like it is beaming from a different planet, simultaneously grounding the album and inverting it into a much stranger endeavor. Keszler has orchestrated a platter of ear candy, sound porn disguised as psycho-jazz. Sure, the odd time-signatures and abundance of texture might grab the headlines, but the real kicker here is the lull that actively rests behind the music. I wish all glitzy technical showcases doubled as ambient mood pieces. 

36. The Recurrence of Infections- bod [包家巷]

There’s an ennui that not enough people make art about. Nicholas Zhu (aka bod) would call it “the quiet hours of laborious coping that fall into the areas between work and sleep,” but I’d probably call it “chill time”. The Recurrence of Infections is a lot of high-strung aesthetically driven gobbledygook, but it’s fucking awesome. I actually buy into it pretty hard. Forget the fact that it’s a masterclass in sound design and think about what “laborious coping” would sound like. You probably can’t think of much, but that’s because you can’t realize your vision as well as Zhu can. Pianos that turn into crashes that turn into distorted growling that turn into robotic warbling...these are not the type of things you remember, but can easily relax with, if you tune out the real pressure. It’s a joy to watch this album unravel. It’s the type of thing you’ll want to tell people about without being able to explain why. But that’s ok. Come hang sometime.

35. The Invisible Comes To Us- Anna & Elizabeth

Anna & Elizabeth make musical period pieces. It doesn’t take long until you realize that this isn’t just a folk throwback; these are actually old folk songs, shit that was popping off in, like, the 40s. While the whole “old songs for new audiences” thing is wholesome, the magic is in where they go with it. The Invisible Comes To Us is exhilaratingly strange to listen to. Adorned by a seemingly ancient aesthetic, you’d think a modernization could get away with slapping some synths and beats on there and calling it a day. However, Anna & Elizabeth are interested in how this music would sound if its spirit was still alive today, if people still had good reason to write lyrics like “tell me jovial sailors, tell me true/does my sweet William sail among your crew?” but had the technology to throw some electronic embellishments on there. Every song sees a comically traditional tune come to a screeching synthetic halt, and even though that combination should wear thin, the execution is passionate enough to be chilling.

34. Whack World- Tierra Whack

The strongest gimmicks are usually the most frustrating. Whack World is a harsh epitome of this; it’s a project that suffocates itself with originality, but would it really ruin the illusion if some of these songs were a couple minutes longer? It doesn’t matter, because this album and the visual spectacle that came with it was enough to fit right into our zeitgeist and run laps around anything less casually ambitious. Of course, part of the appeal was seeing Tierra Whack trimming a poodle, prancing around a cemetary with muppets, and snipping the strings of balloons while snarling in a Southern accent. However, an album’s stellar presentation doesn’t always translate into such addicting songs. Whack World is fifteen great ideas taken at face value so that they never lose momentum. These tracks seem designed to get stuck on repeat, always finding a groove and savagely leaving cravings unfulfilled.

33. Twin Fantasy- Car Seat Headrest

It’s weird to throw this on here because these songs have existed for such a long time. However, newer resources sparked an overhaul we didn’t even know we needed, and boy, did it work out. Twin Fantasy is one of those records that is so painfully personal you feel almost uncomfortable. Immersing yourself in its tales of infatuation and self-awareness to the point where you’re basically watching Will Toledo gut himself and everyone around him shouldn’t be this fun. It doesn’t gain a new audience by straying away from the lo-fi, but rather by accentuating the musical and conceptual turbulence. The best songs on here are eager shapeshifters, growing bigger and bigger until they pop, or in the some cases, they reach the ten minute mark and start gyrating. Eventually, he’ll start doing things like convincing himself that he can’t be evil, not because he’s good, but because “evil” is a phony construct. It’s a drastic leap from fondly recalling Skype calls to declaring that he is incapable of being both human and inhuman. Or is it? Car Seat Headrest has mastered the smug grin that does bad job of holding back the tears, hitting you with enough unhinged emotion to justify its performativity.

32. Sorpresa Familia- Mourn

Mourn have had a lot of burdens to shake in the wake of Sorpresa Familia, and it almost feels like they could only have made this album with something to prove. It makes sense as the product of a fight for financial justice, as it also sees Mourn viciously slithering away from the buzzwords people use to define them and the marquee names writers like me automatically liken them to. However, they don't do this by changing their sound, but by upping the ferocity in their energy, the complexity of their arrangements, and the stickiness of their melodies.

The commitment to quality makes it easy to forget the label drama that birthed this record. However, Sorpresa Familia would not exist in this form without the rage and hunger for justice that marked its creative process. "At 19 years old we're signing our divorce," they growl at one point. Anyone who has gone through it knows divorce often becomes a blissful catharsis for the victim. Sorpresa Familia doesn't merely mark this catharsis; it proves that Mourn needed to loosen the shackles to make the most fully-formed record of their career.

31. Lush- Snail Mail

It’s odd to hear someone younger than me (I’m 20) rock a style that shouldn’t have too many ideas left in the tank. That being said, it’s especially wild when they do so with such grace, sounding like a seasoned vet in their prime. Lush isn’t brimming with new sounds, but somehow it manages to be the most refreshing indie rock record in recent memory. Maybe it’s because the songwriting is simple at heart but captures something so universal and captivating. Lush dissects the ambiguities of young love, both the frustrating rush of being swept away and the strength it takes to realize that the exasperation may not be worth it. It resonates with me, and I can’t imagine these sentiments falling short on anyone, at least when they are delivered by Lindsay Jordan’s absolute powerhouse vocals. The more emotional bits come in like a sustained avalanche, knowing exactly what to emphasize and what not to overdo.

30. Devotion- Tirzah

We’ll talk about Tirzah in a second, but let’s take a minute to gawk at Mica Levi. It takes a seldom-seen skill set to create some the most weirdly accessible pop records of the early decade and then go on to get an Oscar nod for a movie about Jackie Kennedy. Yet now, having produced Devotion, she’s ready to give her tasteful, haunting minimalism the charismatic voice it has always deserved. Mica Levi was never the best frontwoman, so enter Tirzah, with a sultry, conversational voice that can mutter and howl in the same breath. This is a partnership that has been bubbling since early childhood, and you can tell just how well these two understand each other’s creative boundaries. Mica will take a sparse loop and spread it wide enough for Tirzah to spit out vulnerable bars like nobody’s watching, like she’s catching herself in a scary moment of candor and embracing it.

29. Sweetener- Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande’s music had always one-upped her public person. She had been in marquee relationships before, but none as inescapable as this. It’s weird to look back on Sweetener, which was dropped during peak Grandsonmania, as this happy, beam of light sticking out after she witnessed a bonafide tragedy unfurl at her now-infamous Manchester concert. It was the sound of an icon in full control of her narrative, choosing to show resilience and overdose on bliss. Instead of being distracted by her newfound spot at the top of the A-list, she was inspired by the spotlight. That being said, context doesn’t make Sweetener. Ariana Grande has always had a penchant for the most irresistible, immaculate pop masterstrokes, and Sweetner is home to so many of them. Her vocal capacity has become practically superhuman at this point. Whether she is howling on ‘breathin’ or unleashing a phantasmagoric coo on ‘R.E.M.’ it’s hard to imagine a delivery that would suit these songs better. She has perfected the ballad, but she has also perfected the bop, and Sweetener shows that she can effortlessly blend the two.

Of course, tragedy struck again in the death of her ex-boyfriend/best friend Mac Miller. She broke up with Pete and unpacked everything with her biggest song yet. However, Sweetener will always stand out as one of the most crucial and enjoyable bubblegum pop records of our time, one that, for all its lore, continues Ariana’s tradition of putting the music first.

28. New Bodies- Tangents

I’m never one to judge an album primarily by its capacity to make me go “whoa!”, but if I was, New Bodies would probably top this list. Simply put, this is a technical masterstroke. The type of music Tangents make is pretty hard to classify; its sprawling instrumental flexing suggests jazz but the ingredients are electronic. It’s impressive enough to pull off something so unorthodox but to do so in a way that manages to summon emotion while simultaneously dropping jaws...that’s a whole new level. New Bodies rejects the need to find a groove, fidgeting and sputtering to a point where it can either unravel or chase a massive crescendo. More often than not, it chooses both. This album flaunts its pace, but the real calling card is the texture, which is product of rattling percussion that manages to stay so varied and complex while providing a sturdy backbone. It shouldn’t be possible to scatter strings, cymbals, beats, and samples so haphazardly onto each track and come out with seven genuine odysseys. 

27. Galapagos- Wednesday Campanella

Wednesday Campanella aren’t quite subverting stylistic norms. Galapagos is chock full of drops, albeit interesting ones, and the songs rely on tried-and-tested formulas to drill the melodies in. However, skipping experimentation lets Wednesday Campanella to get straight to the point: unadulterated sonic bliss. Also, please don’t get me wrong. Wednesday Campanella don’t really sound like anyone else, even in the far-reaching, dense world of J-Pop. It’s hard to find any band that is so adamant on cramming this many glistening sounds into their music yet so capable of dodging busyness or being busy in the right way. Yet, for a group that does so much, it’s wild that they manage to have each element crafted with precision, whether it be a glittery synth sound shooting out of a vibe that would have never have called for it, or the vocals, which are always so high up in the mix that each breath is magnified. Sure, it’s not the most uncanny, but Wednesday Campanella stay surprising you with their audacious choices.

26. Room 25- Noname

Room 25 is birthed out of an entirely new set of circumstances. While Telefone was a Chicago album through-and-through, Room 25's namesake comes from the geographic ambiguity of two years spent living on the road. She sums it up nicely on "With You" where she raps "shared my life on Telefone, room 25 and 306, and 809 became my home.” Being thrown into the cutthroat touring process for two whole years is a unique and inherently transformative experience, and Room 25 captures this transformation in all its push-pull nuance, without sacrificing Noname's sharp eye for her surroundings. In this sense, Room 25 is excitingly personal. In the past, Noname the character has taken a passenger seat to Noname the narrator. Now she opens things up and focuses on her journey, and there's a lot of growth to be exhibited. It's an album with purpose, a moving snapshot of a coming-of-age worthy of all this great music.

Yet, for all the personality and reflection that comes out on Room 25, Noname's eloquent observations make for some of the stickiest moments on this album. When she ponders the hypocrisy of eating Chick-Fil-A "in the shadows" on ‘Blaxploitation’, she doesn't do so with a stern finger-wag but an onomatopoeic overcoming of sensation -- "mmm, yummy, tasty" -- kickstarting a flow that unwinds with her confronting the "thinkpiece" nature of her music head-on. However, these songs aren't thinkpieces. These are acute contemplations from someone with a lot to chew on. Room 25 sees a brilliant writer finding her outlet, taking in the world around her, and spinning it into her own extraordinary web.

25. Safe in the Hands of Love- Yves Tumor

Yves Tumor never seemed interested in stepping out of his mystery bag approach to making albums, mixing 8-minute long exercises in ambient noise with simple, concise soul jams. However, nothing he ever tries is derivative. Safe in the Hands of Love has too much distorted screaming to be labelled his crossover lunge, but now he seems ready to take his sonic ingenuity and apply it to something less abstract. Maybe that’s what happens when you get picked up by Warp, or maybe that’s just what Yves Tumor was planning this whole time. Either way, it doesn’t sound like any compromises are being made. Even the more anthemic songs like ‘Noid’ or ‘Lifetime’ reek of despair and restlessness, and the orchestral overtones that give the tracks their oomph aren’t exactly inviting either. More electronic tracks like ‘All the Love We Have Now’ and ‘Economy of Freedom’ are nods to past successes, but for all their electrifying grooviness, they embrace the same menacing grandiosity. The notion that nothing is off the table is all these songs abide to. Either way, these are some of his best.  

24. OIL OF EVERY PEARL’S UN-INSIDES- Sophie

Sophie never seemed that interested in feeding into the consumerism celebration/critique/caricature her PC Music contemporaries so loudly owned. For every robotic bubblegum pop hook she crafted there was an avalanche of emotion bubbling underneath. OIL takes that emotion and puts it front and center, revealing the dynamic human behind the once elusive machine. Sophie is no longer milking the hyper-synth + squeaky balloon + pots & pans combo into oblivion, but when it shows up here, it’s stronger than ever. ‘Ponyboy’ and ‘Faceshopping’ make previous career highs feel staticy, and there is now a lot more space and fluidity in Sophie’s barrage of beats. While these tracks will pounce on you, the real glory emerges in the most fully-formed moments of Sophie’s career. ‘It’s Okay to Cry’ will wind you with its earnest sensitivity, ‘Is It Cold in the Water?’ is built off a synthline that is borderline heavenly, and ‘Immaterial’ illustrates her identity with elegance that can only be described as career-defining. Music can be a lot of things, but at its very best it is an outlet to channel your truest self. OIL epitomizes this phenomenon, amping up the excitement as Sophie continues to explore.

23. The Smoke- Lolina

When you first hear the tuneless, off-kilter wobble of The Smoke, it becomes clear pretty fast that this album isn’t that interested in sounding “good.” Inga Copeland sounds detached from the music, her voice approaching a mumbling groan while the plodding keyboards and beats don’t sound especially happy to be there. It’s about nothing, it feels nothing, and it doesn’t want you to feel anything either. But, *surprise*surprise*, it’s fascinating. Unlike her close collaborator Dean Blunt, Copeland doesn’t rely on confusion to make the gag work but uses it to carve out a world for her tracks to awkwardly flourish. The first two songs are basically weed out tracks, testing even those most committed to adventure. Once you’re sucked in, the real drama goes down. The husting, solemn ‘The River’ has such a firm grasp on its momentum it practically feels like a set up. The next two songs are particularly stunning, stepping outside of the pervasive flatness to embrace something far more delicate. It’s hard to find an album that rejects aesthetics so much but transcends being just kinda interesting. In that respect, The Smoke is a rare success.

22. Veteran- JPEGMAFIA

Peggy comes close to wearing out his welcome a few times on Veteran. Instead, he just exasperates you, like a jester who bites and claws before he scampers away. It’s hard to even know where to begin with his music, but the elevator pitch is in the instrumentals. They frequently tease you with stomach-churning samples that seem borderline impossible to turn into a beat until they hit their stride and become obvious. On ‘Real Nega’, it’s a guttural sample of Ol’ Dirty Bastard croaking and on ‘Baby I’m Bleeding’ it’s a echoey computer crash of a stutter that paces around for a whole minute before turning into the banger it is. 

JPEGMAFIA ensures that listening to him is like tripping down an Internet rabbit hole, issuing somewhat agreeable hot takes about how Morrissey/Tom Araya/Varg deserve to die, how Pitchfork supports abusers (until it wasn’t cool), and...well...how he wants a bitch with long hair like Myke C-Town. He toes the line between sheer abrasion and accessibility, and the songs that do this best (‘Thug Tears’, ‘Macaulay Culkin’) seem destined for crossover success, because when he’s not hollering, he can sing about as well as anyone in Brockhampton. However, the most exciting thing is the notion that Peggy is a rapper who reflects music meme culture as much as he is a product of it, erasing the wall between the lurkers on 4chan and the artists they stan. #Edgy? Definitely, but I dare you to turn it off.

21. Joonya Spirit- Jaala

The most notable quotable I have read from Jaala is that the 4/4 time signature can go “fuck a dead donkey.” You’d think such a blatant contrarian might try a bit too hard to hit you with compositional gymnastics, and while there’s definitely some of that on Joonya Spirit, there’s a lot more passion. It’s rare to see something this proggy get caught up in such visceral vulnerability, with songs that confront anguish as the snide beast it is. One song has Cosmia Pay drained, wound up after being pet “like a dog.” Another takes the bare facts of a break-up and transforms them into a swaying hook. But between these outbursts, Jaala try to find the most convoluted way from A to B, constructing a self-imposed obstacle course. The journey bears gifts, to say the very least. While this can be a hard album to track, it’s elevated by an understanding of how to make the most out of its detours, with the complexity becoming a tool rather than a distraction. 

20. Cocoon Crush- Objekt

Electronic music is progressing so that the machine engages in a tug-of-war with the human. Some artists even use their platform to pitch a manifesto where there’s no reason humans should make better music than artificial intelligence. It’s a valid point, but it undervalues a virtuosic understanding of sound as a sensory experience, as if an algorithm can spew out music that is meticulously crafted to make you feel. Texture isn’t all it takes, but when Objekt’s music spreads itself out like the satisfying percussive ASMR it is, I nut. It’s not like his music is milking its benevolence, but it brims with life. The callbacks, the vividness, the rattling fiber...it’s designed to evoke. As an album that fully appreciates the artistic potential of technology, Cocoon Crush rejects techno’s anatomy and builds its own habitat.

19. The Wolf of Grape Street/God Level- 03 Greedo

It’s much easier to think of 03 Greedo’s output as this flurry of spontaneity, surfacing in eagerly explored ideas and a landslide of hard work and charm. Nobody has earned his spot on this list more than 03, an eager poet who packs all the turmoil he’s ever experienced into each nasally, autotuned whine. He’s also shockingly talented. Amidst the nearly 50 songs on these two projects, which are admittedly super bloated, there are really only a few duds, all of which suffer on the basis of being undercooked, not misguided. What makes up for it even more is the notion that the excess is probably the point. Greedo makes bangers that range from the devastated (‘Prayer From My Lost’) to the needy (‘Bacc to Jail’) to the combative (‘Basehead’) to the absolutely savage (‘Run For Your Life’).

It’s all infectious enough to shock you with its productivity, and that’s probably for good reason. Shortly before God Level was released, Greedo was sentenced to a maximum of 20 years in jail. It was technically on gun and drug charges, but it felt like he fell victim of a system that always put him last. Seeing him pour his heart out so urgently can only tug at the heartstrings.

18. Double Negative- Low

Not gonna lie, I would have never put my money on Low to craft an album that sounds so ahead of its time. Maybe I was ignorant...when you spend your whole career being the face of your own niche, especially one as fragile and poignant as slowcore, you can only waltz towards perfection. Double Negative may be just that. It’s ambitious, creating most of its backbones from waves of static. But how the fuck do you sound so relevant after years of sounding so worn down? Where did this need to deeply innovate and challenge come from? Whatever they did, Double Negative discovers a whole new language within its glitches.

Low have completely overhauled their sound, but only emphasized their essence. The vocals cast themselves like heavenly beams of light onto these suffocating drones, the type of clash that is built to overwhelm. Double Negative takes strokes of such vehement abrasion and tweaks them until they sound exquisite. It’s hard to find an album so unique yet so logical, obscurely branching off from an exhausted genre towards a practically euphoric display of textural understanding.

17. Compro- Skee Mask

It’s not easy to penetrate the traditional IDM canon these days, especially now that Aphex Twin is still active, but fuck me if Compro doesn’t try. This doesn’t position itself as one for the purists; instead it’s a confident progression of an age-old form, an album that knows what ingredients make this experimental techno shit work, but has no interest in indulging. A Skee Mask song will set itself up with a gravity-shaking rhythm that bulges with enough texture so that when a groove comes to nest, it is punctured and complex, even if its beauty comes in conventional forms. The twinkle of the melody on ‘Rev8617’ or the icy, distant synth on ‘Soundboy Ext.’ are cast over ripples and breakbeats. It doesn’t feel like he’s creating a juxtaposition as much as he is balancing these sounds out, as if their splendor is highlighted with containment.

16. Cold Devil- Drakeo the Ruler

It shouldn’t surprise you that someone who has been taken to task by law enforcement based on the perceived authenticity of his lyrics prides himself on his intensity. It’s hard to keep up a shtick for this long, rambling about apparently miscellaneous characters like Mr. Mosley and Pippi Longstocking, while never forgetting to underline how you have your dick out like a “pedophile” or how you’ve been strangling snakes and you bathe with the apes. All the while, you end pretty much each track with a minute-long tirade where you take in your surroundings. It’s a lot, but for an album of seemingly low-stakes shit-talking, Cold Devil packs a ton of depth.

Crafted during an 11-month jail stint, Cold Devil projects the charisma, isolation, and precision that can only arise from such introspective circumstances. Yet, while tapped into ultra-realism, the most captivating part of sees Drakeo’s imagination running wild. It’s like he used the time to construct his own emotional lexicon, and while it’s the type of bogged-up conceptualism that you can’t really articulate, he’ll be fucked if he doesn’t try. What comes out is a whirlwind of ideas, each flourishing, albeit concisely, through a swamp of imagery and excellent rapping. Anyone who views this as a confession must be kidding themselves; it’s a vivacious expression that even the most observant couldn’t untangle.

15. You Won’t Get What You Want- Daughters

Anger, despair, dejection...these are all emotions that might sound contrived, especially in a context where they’re almost taken as given (*cough*cough*noise rock*cough). Fortunately, nothing feels fake about Daughters. Spreading their wings after eight years of silence, You Won’t Get What You Want sounds like the pinnacle of a decade of anguish rolled up into a ball and fattened up to sound as big as possible. You’ll notice a few things right off the bat: the drums sounds massive, the vocals are almost always approaching a scream, and every instrument seems to have the color tuned out of it. Daughters play like they are making themselves dizzy, launching into climaxes with brute force. Yet for all its density, it’s a wonder how music this outwardly menacing can transcend the bluntness of its elements to become somewhat inviting. That being said, there is nothing wholesome about the darkness that dominates this record, but Daughters make sure to tweak their pain into the most suffocating beast they can so that it’s almost conventionally beautiful. It’s hard to find a record that executes its niche so perfectly, an ambience that can only be approached after years of marinating in your ache. 

14. Some Rap Songs- Earl Sweatshirt

It makes perfect sense to make music that sounds like what your friends’ make, but when the long-awaited Earl Sweatshirt album came out sounding like a logical follow-up to MIKE’s recently released Renaissance Man more than the sequel to I Don’t Like Shit I Don’t Go Outside, it was a little confusing. However much Earl may drown in his modesty and aggressively try to understate the potency of his music, his brand of cooped-up gloom comes with a midas touch. It’s hard to say whether Earl was hard at work for these past three years, or whether he spun out these 15 vignettes in a stroke of manic genius, but it doesn’t really matter either way. They’re here and it’s captivating as fuck.

Earl the operation is an outlet for Thebe the person, who is still easing himself into stability after an adolescence where he became something of a martyr to millions of kids (#FREE EARL). Of course, this is punctuated by the death of his estranged poet father, a disconnect that Earl has always struggled to grapple with. However, Some Rap Songs is wary of romanticising anything for the sake of a narrative. Instead, it jumps from dusty beat to dusty beat, a flurry of understatements that rarely stay around for longer than two minutes. Earl has always been eager to find his niche after a couple of regrettable teenage choices that risked contaminating his artistry. Even if the inspiration he takes is obvious, his energy can’t be channelled by anyone else.

13. The Whole Thing Is Just There- Young Jesus

For a band who could easily be described as a “philosophy bro jam band,” Young Jesus make it pretty easy for you to like them. This is a controlled exercise in pensive, intellectual emo, an album hellbent on making sure each groove throbs like it’s had its young recently ripped from its arms. The riffs don’t emerge as hooks but rather weave themselves through tunnels, fueling each crescendo. At the apex of it all is a shuddering plea for attention. Young Jesus channel the same catharsis as the emo revivalist except they don’t take the easy way out; their forte is their creativity and their pulse is their sensitivity.

All six songs here manage to fit in both moments of anthemic infection and utter disarray (the glorious kind). The segments that accentuate this album are defined by their space and tenderness, taking poignant philosophical observations and highlighting their consequence with emotional outbursts. It takes a style bent on nostalgia and pushes into an entirely new place, a feat that very few artists can pull off, especially with such volume and precision.

12. Have fun- Smerz

Smerz are like if an artist with talent, charisma, and pop smarts was approaching a fork in the road where they could pursue Top 40 glory or use their resources to lead the vanguard and make challenging, deconstructive electronic music. Guess which one they choose? The melodies that soar over the gritty, distorted beats could have been lifted from the bridge of a #1 R&B hit. Instead, they are spread over a tattered landscape, like a safari where you’re not gawking at animals but taking in an exhibit of quirky synth sounds and samples of speech that sound like they are lifted from a 3 AM drunk voicemail.

Have fun bounces between ethereal dizziness and stark percussive minimalism, but when the two combine, it’s a goosebump-inducing juxtaposition. Floating above the instrumentals-- which honestly could have been released on their own and still have made the lower-end of this list-- is either a deadpan cheerleader chant or a fluttering vocal harmony. Whatever Smerz do, they can’t stop creating music that the words “haunting” and “hypnotic” must’ve been invented to describe. They construct such an exclusive bubble where experimental techno and pop intersect, a fusion that needed to happen, that other artists have tried to do and came-out contrived. It pulsates with mystery, which is funny because most of these songs are about getting fucked up or, as Smerz would put it themselves, “basic bitch problems.” Their ominous gaze turns this charm into a manifesto. And why shouldn’t it? Music this serious yet unpretentious is a rare delight.

11. Honey- Robyn

Everything Robyn does, she does with conviction. She’ll look back on the empty spaces her lover has left behind without fearing her resentment. She’ll invite you to a beach party with casual assurance (“come thru, it’ll be cool”), but boldly winks to suggest that it might be the most transcendental night ever. She’ll demand forgiveness without begging for it, embracing submissiveness while knowing the absurdity of her demands. Is forgiveness even real? Is nostalgia hollow? Is it OK to be heartbroken? These are the types of issues Robyn deals with on Honey, an album that packs eight years of growth into 40 minutes, as if Robyn has been contemplating the scope of her influence and brainstorming the next best step.

Of course, Honey isn’t that calculated. It’s a record of audacious sensitivity, dissecting the simplest phenomena and matching them up with the perfect backdrops. The sex song (‘Between The Lines’) skips with a seductive sway, like a lab-constructed aphrodisiac. The club song (‘Beach 2k10’) is an anomaly, but walks with the confidence of a nightlife staple. However, the best tracks are the most fully-formed, tracks like ‘Honey’ and ‘Human Being’ feel like quintessential Robyn on steroids. It’s astonishing how good she is at this, and even when the record treads new water with suave, captivating disco cuts, Robyn owns whatever space she’s in.

10. Vibras- J Balvin

J Balvin is not the most emotive, distinctive, eccentric reggaeton artist, nor does he have the best voice or the most dominating presence. But he might be the most ambitious, and the most adept at making effortless smash hits, a thing he does on Vibras pretty much every time he tries. In a world where the top tier of Urbano Latino can get billions of views on YouTube and compete internationally with the biggest American superstars, J Balvin is the artist most excited to lead the movement, the most well-versed in its potential.

As the title suggests, Vibras is a record of concrete vibes. J Balvin is aware that a lot of his listeners will not go through the trouble of translating his lyrics, so he makes sure that even people who didn’t take Spanish in high school will grasp what he’s trying to do. All you need to know about ‘Mi Gente’ is found in the now-iconic stuttering vocal sample that starts the song, and the crux of ‘Cuando Tú Quieras’ is a similar sample being flipped into something sultry and seductive, functioning at just as high a level. Vibras seems masterfully curated, even if lots of the songs are anomalies. However, these anomalies don’t just stand out but elevate the power of the straighter, simpler reggaeton songs. ‘En Mí’ is a lovelorn ballad, ‘Brillo’ finds an unlikely pairing with ROSALÍA, who is at the peak of her melodic prowess, and ‘Machika’ ends the album with an almost overly lit EDM crossover. Everything works and it’s wonderful.

9. Bark Your Head Off, Dog- Hop Along

When Frances Quinlan unleashes her raspy, crackling yelp, you know important shit is about to go down. Hop Along have always specialized in a very particular type of drama. They have a penchant for telling stories with a candor that makes it feel like you’re eavesdropping, like you’ve stumbled upon a goldmine of gossip that you shouldn’t be hearing but are far too morbidly curious to plug your ears. The juiciness can come in the form of bureaucratic academia scandals, sexual overtones in the Bible, or the ever-so-relatable struggle of watching Watership Down expecting a kid’s movie, but observing a bloody festival of rabbit slaughter instead. The twists and turns are spot-on and frequently hilarious. If Bark Your Head Off, Dog’s ideas were expanded into prose, it would be a top-tier collection of short stories.

Amidst all the motifs surface nine expertly crafted rock songs that worm around with the utmost purpose, with each chorus/bridge/coda packing enough zest to fuel the whole track. Quinlan’s grip on these melodies is first-rate, as if she’s being swept up by something bigger yet going to painstaking lengths to ensure every tonal phase is spot-on. Bark Your Head Off, Dog is consistent to the point of near-perfection. It doesn’t take long for it to sink in that every song is a highlight, a beacon of emotion that capitalizes on every glimmer of melodic brilliance. Yet somehow, it’s impossible to predict where these songs will go. Often, strings or screams will emerge from out of nowhere, other times are doused in pure, saccharine pop music. Hop Along have mastered spontaneity to the point where nothing feels tacked on. There are so many dimensions to their sounds/stories that you’ll unpack something new with each listen.

8. Nothing Is Still- Leon Vynehall

Leon Vynehall is a practical musician. His last album was, literally, “designed to dance”; a myriad of songs at a streamlined, club-ready BPM that progressed with the pace of a night out. His fascination with multi-dimensionality in house music is abundantly clear. He’s always going to find a new way to be inventive, always ready with a brand new purpose.

Nothing Is Still tests house music’s limits with biography, each song representing a “chapter” or “footnote” in the life of Vynehall’s grandparents, particularly their emigration from England to New York City in the 1960s. Of course, this music is instrumental, so the introspection is all atmospheric, a hard thing to pull off. Thankfully, Vynehall comes up with some sky-scraping, impassioned music, channelling something very vivid. The ambient pieces on this album are textured and passionate. They must be immediate illustrations of the flood of emotion Vynehall experienced in the wake of his grandfather’s death, when he was fully gripped by the narrative, and decided to go down the rabbit hole. It’s oddly tangible, and even without the backstory, the distant grooves on this album could overwhelm you. It’s a bold feat to try and soundtrack something you didn’t directly experience, but the emotional depth packed in this electronic period piece can only be the result of extensive research and nights of curious catharsis. Taking your craft seriously is one thing; creating a record that brims with such sensitivity and personal importance without saying a single word is something else.

7. Harutosyura- Harunemuri

Whatever is being fused on Harutosyura, whether it be pop-punk and rap or hardcore and electronica, yields intense results. It’s not your standard foray into J-pop; Harunemuri are sure to make compact bubbles that writhe and spin before they burst, leaving behind a barrage of glitzy choruses and whines that sound like they’re at the end of an exhausting a potentially lethal chase. It’s chaos, but it’s also rich and entirely unique. Some songs will wear out a stunning riff before collapsing in a fit of aggression; others prefer to reach a screeching halt out of nowhere, only to come back stronger than ever to provide a new angle on their beauty. They will confuse you with the effortless strides they hit, especially because they sound like they are trying to cram every emotion they’ve ever experienced into one note. It’s too dramatic not to be entertaining and too action-packed not to constantly revisit. Even the most animated could only dream of channelling the flux of Harutosyura.

6. A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships- The 1975

It’s been steady growth for The 1975. In their early days, they were a subtly good indie-rock boy band who mostly sang songs designed to get teenage girls a bit too excited. I probably hated them without having heard any of their stuff. Then, they became this overly ambitious 80s glam-rock monster, packing many standard pop bops on their sophomore album, but filling the space between them with tracks that sounded like shoegaze/post-rock/gospel parody (to be clear, I thought it was brilliant). Now, they are one of the most outspoken, monumental bands of our generation, still silly, but absolutely drowning in good ideas. Without hyperbole, I think they are the most exciting thing to happen to the band format in a long time.

Their main thing is that they do the most. Even when the pleasures are simple, Matt Healy is yelling a bit too close to your ear, throwing out commentary that masquerades as ill-fitting until you realize it’s actually super clever and eloquent. The main draw, however, is how every time they turn the page, they land on a song that immediately traps you. Additionally, all these ideas are fresh and essential. The centerpoint is ‘Love It If We Made It’, a tabloid-esque collage of cultural commentary that woos you with its timeliness as Healy throws his entire voice towards a scream of “modernity has failed us!” The rest of the singles range from the best 80s-movie pool party throwback of the year, a rainbow of soothing horns and romantic ennui, a finger-wagging burst of 29-year old wisdom, and a smugly confused radio song. Deeper in the album lie cautionary tales on Internet death told by a robot, Bon Iver-ian swaths of autotuned warbling transformed into high-tier experimental techno, a nocturnal barroom jazz track...I could go on like this for paragraphs lol. The point is, everything they try works and everything that works sticks with you. For an album where a bunch of millenials spend an hour obsessing over the “digital age,” A Brief Inquiry has too much charm.

5. Knock Knock- DJ Koze

If I have to hear someone call DJ Koze some variation of “house music’s biggest prankster” again, I swear to god (haha). I know he can be pretty goofy, and there are many moments on Knock Knock that project this goofiness. Some of the vocal samples (“I need a little light here!”, “I know the future better than you know the past”) are kitsch for sure, but there is no understating this man’s profound talent. He will find a sample, find another sample, and mix the two into something hypnotic. I don’t know if he stumbles upon these grooves or if they are vastly premeditated through some process where he hears an old record, his ears perk up and, poof, a full-fledged house banger surfaces in his mind. He’s always been willing to push the envelope, but on Knock Knock he fully embraces his versatility and distinctiveness. Even the most random sounds he throws into the blender make absolute sense in the sugary, hyper-charged context they’re presented.

Not all of this will sink in quickly, but there are some clear hard-hitters. ‘Pick Up’ floods into the mix like a warm embrace from a long-lost friend, creating a vibe that could and should continue forever. Yet all it does is chop up two 70s soul songs and loop them into oblivion, carrying such a heavy emotional load while staying relatively stagnant. The fat, throbbing bassline on ‘Bonfire’ makes Justin Vernon sound dreamier than he ever has before. ‘Illumination’ is a steady build to an ultimately glorious release, a masterclass in the sly emergence of its drop. It’s all so glistening and nostalgic. There’s sniffs of rap, folk, R&B, techno but none of the paths diverge from the cohesive sonic wonderland. Some prank lol.

4. Aviary- Julia Holter

When do you decide to make your magnum opus? How do you figure out that, after your most accessible album and a whole decade of building your own distinctive take on baroque, your next project would be 90 minutes of the densest, most sonically ambitious music you’ve ever released? Aviary is the type of album you wouldn’t want to put out until you are totally ready. Thankfully, Holter has every reason to be confident in her abilities. She knows when to sustain a wall of noise and when to interject with a mutter or an instrumental collapse. She knows how to pile reverb-drenched choirs onto light orchestration and how to let her voice soar while maintaining the necessary space. To pull off a sprawling, abstract project like this, you need to be some kind of genius. I don’t use that word lightly.

Aviary is meditative. Crammed with songs that linger for as long as they do without hitting a conventional stride, the dynamism is contagious. You genuinely have no idea where each song will go and there is such an abundance of feeling that it’s practically impossible to take it all in. It’s a world that you can untangle, plowing deeper and deeper into it and getting lost in the spectacle. At one moment it’s stressful, and in the next, it’s meditative. The declarations are profound. It’s a rejection of cynicism, and a full-fledged embrace of the simplest, most overpowering emotions, taking pride in the capacity to be swept away. Have you ever fallen in love? Sometimes love can be bitter and toxic, but other times, it is something worthy of a welcome parade, something that will make you loudly weep while you’re clutching onto it. That’s the scope of Aviary, a record that has no qualms about melting into gibberish, as long as it is fully evocative.

3. Be the Cowboy- Mitski

Mitski writes songs with such a penetrating, inhospitable gaze that she practically begs you to feel uncomfortable, even if she radiates warmth and empathy. She’ll come thru with a track about how much she loves her non-existent husband, how for all of eternity it will just be the two of them together, how they are doing better...it goes on until you’re pressed to think it’s a joke, but if it is, then why are you on the verge of tears? Then you sit, ponder, and start considering what it means to “be the cowboy.” Is cowboy swagger one that swoops in on a literal horse, becomes an all-or-nothing imposition of hyper-dominance, and carries itself like it’s the only thing that matters? Or is the one that takes you to a diner after years of silence, Blue Diner to be precise, and suffocates you with a lull while quietly reminding you that it will always keep a part of you? Vulnerability is Mitski’s forte. Whether it’s cloaked in sarcasm, painfully earnest, or deeply internalized, hers is a narrative so potent that you can’t help but unload all your emotional burdens alongside it.

Be the Cowboy is the moment when you’ve revealed so much about yourself to someone that for a second, it’s actually terrifying how quickly and easily they could undermine your whole existence. It’s naked but unconcerned, taking pride in its ability to crumble. Somehow, there’s nothing forced about the painstaking introspection; Mitski is fully committed to baring her soul without simplifying it or suffocating in self-righteousness. It’s equal parts defensive and dejected. You can only be reminded about the impossibility of idealization so much before you start to get confused. But when it’s as outrageous and tortured as this, it stops being a statement and becomes a full-fledged celebration. It painful to to watch, but it hurts even more to turn away.

2. El Mal Querer- Rosalía

Sometimes an album comes along feeling like such a pinnacle of a movement while deifying any categorization. It’s like Rosalía as a concept has been around forever, taking in influence from so many times and places and feelings...but nothing has ever really sounded like this. “Flamenco-pop” is a feeble label for something that so frequently whirls into a trance, belting out unhinged cries of fervor and then, on the next song, lifting a melody from Justin Timberlake. It’s like everything is being re-contextualized on here, and the result is a record that exists in its own time and space, refusing to branch out in favor of planting its own garden.

Rosalía lives for melodrama, which could be cloying if she didn’t justify it so well. It’s like her voice is always on the cusp of breaking out into a 30-second howl, which holds even when she coos a top nothing but a faint drum or a car engine noise. It takes a deep appreciation of your culture and history to be able to sound so universal without simply pining for an older vibe. Rosalía is constantly finding a way to go beyond that, subtly slipping autotune into a crevice that traditionalists would leave uncontaminated, developing sticky hooks without basing the whole song around them. When your core is a developed movement like flamenco but your crowd is the Spanish mainstream, you need more than a pinch of experimentation. El Mal Querer goes beyond that, not leaving any strand of its influences unexplored. Rosalía examines the age-old beauty of the form from every angle she can, shaking it up and seeing how it explodes.

1. Die Lit- Playboi Carti

What does it take to be the album of the year? Well...clearly not lyrical substance, or curt editing, or biting social commentary. The prerequisites for quality are getting harder and harder to pin down. All I know is that Die Lit feels like the album that all the over-saturated glut was building up to/the culmination of the ideas set forth by boundary pushers like Future or Young Thug/the logical conclusion to the intersection between lean-soaked hedonism and fine art. Don’t quote me, but we might not do any better than this. At the end of the bloated tunnel, there’s Playboi Carti squawking into oblivion, deconstructing the style that birthed him over beats that could’ve been produced by, like, Oneohtrix Point Never or Ricky Eat Acid or something.

Playboi Carti is a trailblazer. The most common critique of him is that “all he does is ad-libs, he honestly can’t even rap, and what’s good with all that autotune?” Back to my point about this being the logical conclusion of trap; removing the filler between the ad-libs is a fucking genius idea, an assured embrace of what you do best. I mean, imagine if Migos just went “uhh!” and “mama!” and didn’t have Quavo’s uninspired autotune weighing them down...it happens sometimes, and it’s beautiful. Carti’s ad-libs can be as simple as “what?” or “bih!”, and they are usually presented like a highly calculated flick of emotion, like the mechanics for a precise accentuism. Plenty of guests show up on Die Lit, and none of them have any trouble carving a space in Carti’s world. This makes sense when it’s Thugger or Travis Scott, but it is especially potent when it’s Nicki Minaj and Bryson Tiller, people who rarely delve into this type of experimentation on their own. Carti is so infectious that everyone is eager to step in his space and explore how they can dismantle their own form.

All of it is a daring experiment, especially in the moments where Carti tests the limits of his style, seeing how long he can hold the silence before getting swept into a verse, measuring how layered his voice can get before it crumbles and melts. Give Carti credit where credit is due, but Die Lit would be nothing without its producers, especially Pierre Bourne, who constructs a hazy, awe-inspiring fever dream whenever he hops behind the boards. Not only does this steer hip-hop into the direction it needed to go; it takes notes from the masters of ambient techno, blending snippets of overwhelming synths or vocals into beats that any lesser rapper would have no idea how to ride. When you’re on the forefront of the most widely consumed genre, it’s a lot of responsibility. Die Lit is one of the most forward-thinking statements in the hip-hop yet. At this point, Carti and his team are incapable of producing a song that doesn’t test boundaries or warp seasoned assumptions about what works.

[lids-flutter-open]

gay goth boy trans ftm4ftm story chapter 4 under cut. 

content warning: f*g used by gays in punk songs/underage substance use

Chapter 4

Goat Mansion already had a lot of people sitting outside when I got there, which was way too early. The sun was still on the edge of the horizon. I parked my car two streets away, since I don’t like being a designated driver for more than my friends. I walked over to the house, approaching from the street side, and saw the gaggle of people from half a block away. They were sitting on the sidewalk and gathered in a little circle near the fence that divides Goat Mansion space from the edge of the public lands by the train tracks. The teenage goth kids were fraternizing with some crust punks and some people who might have been homeless teenagers from the group that lives in the train tunnel downtown. I didn’t recognize anyone, which made sense because OVID was coming from out of town so probably brought out different fans. One of the teenage goth kids had a thing of cheap boxed red wine but had taken the wine bag out of the box and was passing it around to her friends, having everyone chug, shouting BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD. One of the girls with her let the wine overflow her mouth and run down to soak into her black mesh shirt. They were all about my age or a little younger. I thought it looked like fun, but I don’t like drinking, so I didn’t get too close as I made my way around the house to the back. I knew people would be starting a bonfire. 

Bonfires in late summer are hard, because lately there’s been a burn ban for longer and longer into the autumn. This September, there hadn’t been enough rain to totally put everyone in the clear. And nobody wants to start a wildfire. But Goat Mansion has a rock pit that’s pretty big, and it’s easy to put out the fire with sand and water if it gets too much or starts sparking. When I got there, Acorn was piling the logs up and working with a piece of flint to spark it. Xie doesn’t use any gasoline because, again, too much risk for a big burn that gets out of control. 

“Hey,” I said to Acorn. “Seen anyone from Rocketpizza yet?”

Acorn turned. “Oh, hey, James,” xie said. Xie nodded hir head towards the sliding doors at the back of the house. “Just Ian. I think he was with Ken earlier, but Ken said something about 4Lokos and walked to the store and hasn’t come back.”

“Who’s buying Ken 4Lokos? That sounds like a bad start to the night,” I said. “Has anyone here brought up that sober space thing they’re trying at Fleur’s North? Suggested having a sober only show sometimes?”

“No, we’ve always kinda been a party house. Not likely to change. Somewhere needs to be messy. People don’t like it, they move. Why?”

“There’s definitely some visible and intense public underage drinking happening out front right now.”

“Shit,” Acorn said. “Is it those goth kids?” Xie pushed hir hair out of hir eyes. Acorn has really long hair and a beard that increases in both length and glossy volume every time I see hir.  Xie wears mascara to shows. Tonight xie had on a Carly Rae Jepsen shirt and a plaid skirt. 

“Yeah,” I said. “Nobody from Compton, but definitely under eighteen. You want me to go tell them to come back here and be more discreet?”

“Just like, get them some water and tell them to chill. They’re gonna pass out before the show even starts, or start moshing and hurting someone. I hate when there’s too many teens at shows. No offense,” xie added. “I forget you’re a teen because you’re chill.”

“I don’t drink much. If I did I’d probably be rowdier. It is a teen band tonight. Or like, two, actually. With Quince Quest.”

“Maybe I’ll make some food and cultivate a chill pre-show vibe and get some calories in the kids. Some bread. It’s not that I don’t want them to enjoy music.” Acorn prodded the little fire that was starting in the pit. “Just like, read the agreements for the space that we put on all the doors of the space, you know?”

The agreements, for Goat Mansion, on all the doors, were as follows:

NO NAZIS OR RAPISTS.

DO NOT fucking come to a show looking to start a fucking fight. 

NO COPS

Don’t get fucking wasted before 10 PM. 

Don’t touch anyone without asking

NO SMOKING OR DRINKING ON THE STOOP. Come to the backyard.

DO NOT MESS AROUND ON THE STREET! Come to the backyard.

IF YOU MAKE A MESS HELP CLEAN IT.

IF THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER, OR THE TOILET FLOODS, PLEASE YELL FOR ASSISTANCE. DO NOT SNEAK AWAY. 

FOR REAL ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING OR SMOKING ON STOOP. FOR REAL. THERE IS A BACKYARD.

It was a pretty concise list that covered most things that anyone cared about. And it was pretty easy to follow, though of course I had no way of knowing if any nazis or rapists ignored the first bullet point. 

I went around the corner of the house and into the kitchen. I filled a big old plastic pitcher that seemed relatively clean with tap water and grabbed a sleeve of plastic cups from under the sink. I knew where everything was here, even though I didn’t have any friends who lived here any more except Acorn. Last year I had been the one to clean the kitchen for the first time in a decade and stock it with plastic cups. If you don’t have cups everyone ends up drinking out of the tap like dogs or just getting disgustingly dehydrated. 

“Hey,” I called to the goth kids, stepping out on the front porch, “You all look like you might need some water soon.”

“Thanks,” the mesh shirt girl said. 

“You’re starting early. Can you bring the party around back? We don’t like annoying neighbor people too much. They call the cops sometimes,” I said. “There’s more room back there, too.” I felt okay bossing them because none of the goth kids would have the nerve to question the authority of someone who was wearing safety pin earrings like they were. 

“No problem,” the girl holding the blood bag of wine said. She giggled to her friends, probably about how messy they were being. 

I sat around with the goths by the smoking baby bonfire and smoked a bowl alone before I saw Ian. He was walking quickly around the corner of the house, looking like the human embodiment of that cat meme where the cat is grimacing. I got up and jogged after him. 

“What’s the deal with Ken?” I asked, catching him by the elbow. “Heard he like left and didn’t come back?”

“Don’t fucking ask,” Ian said. He had glitter makeup on, which I thought was cute, if a little 2012. He looked really good. “Ken’s fucking gone as far as I’m concerned. Which is whatever. We knew this day was coming.”

“Wait, Rocketpizza is still performing, right?”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “Some kid from Centralia who’s playing drums for Quince Quest is here, she said she’d do drums for me.  We went over the basic stuff with the songs earlier. She can’t be any worse than Ken would be. He was getting plastered at noon when I went over there today. I have no idea where he is.”

“Dude, that fucking sucks,” I said. 

“I mean, you guys were all absolutely correct about him. I’m stressed right now but I’ll be fine.”

“Where’s swimmer boy?”

“We broke up.”

“Shit, dude.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it. I’ll process with you tomorrow.”

“You need help with merch?”

“Yes, absolutely. Later, though. No point right now. After the show. Right now we’re doing music setup shit since we’re on first.”

“At least you’ll have a crowd.”

“These druggy Seattle kids?” Ian rolled his eyes.

“They’re just drunk. I’m working on hydrating them.”

The sun was going down, and more people were arriving. I put Ian’s merch in a taped up box underneath the table by the door that had been set up to collect people’s pay-what-you-can donations to Goat Mansion. I wanted to talk to him more, but it was clear that wasn’t gonna happen. I sat with the table. Acorn was drawing smiley faces on the hands of people who paid. People who didn’t pay and didn’t get smiley faces wouldn’t get kicked out, but they might get snarked at by someone if they were being obnoxious and they wouldn’t be allowed to drink any house alcohol. Everyone expected the show to start one to three hours after the posted start time, but everyone turned up at the time on the posters anyway to smoke or catch up with people or drop their backpacks and walk eighteen blocks away to the store to buy beer. The sun slanted through the windows like liquid gold and someone put a VHS of Fire Walk With Me on in the living room, where it already smelled like cigarettes. It was all cis men in there, who seemed like they all knew each other and might be shitheads, so I stayed outside once the merch was set up. Everyone in the backyard was vivid shades of gold and pink and brown against the bright green of the trees. The smoke was rising more and more out of the fire pit. That was when I saw the guy from King David’s. Orsino. He was getting out of a pickup truck.

His hair was still fucked up and wispy orange and crackly from bleach, and he had a fucked up little mustache still, but he was wearing a different stupid shirt. This one was black, had a big gray alien head on it, and it said ROSWELL. It was tighter around his chest and stomach and arms than the dolphin shirt had been at the diner. He was wearing ripped up pants that terminated just below his knee. They looked like they’d been chewed by dogs. His calves were thick and covered in dark hair. He had on hiking boots with wool socks. He didn’t see me. As soon as he got out of the car, he turned back and started talking to someone on the driver’s side of the car. He was still somewhere between pretty hot and extremely hot. 

I saw the person get out on the other side of the car and realized that it was Jukebox. Jukebox had a guitar case with them and stuck around for just a second before heading into the garage, where I knew that Ian was setting up. Orsino said something to them and then walked toward the house, lighting a cigarette as he went.

I wondered what Orsino’s personality was like. I didn’t know Orsino at all. But I felt something about him already—something sort of like what Therese feels for Carol when she first sees Carol in The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith or Carol (2015). When her eyes go wide and she knows it doesn’t matter what happens next, because the important thing has already happened. She’s seen her. Or maybe that was dramatic, but like, I was a little stoned. I wondered if I should go say hi. 

“James!” Opal shouted at me from across the yard. 

I looked over to see Opal and Barb and Goober coming towards me, accompanied by a dude I didn’t know. Opal was wheeling their chair over the mangled grass. I hoped that there weren’t any nails around that might puncture the tires.

“Oh hey,” I said, waving. 

“Jamie!” Barb rushed in and gave me a hug. She has pink short hair and lots of sun freckles and deep wrinkles around her eyes. If you ignore her skin, she looks like she’s about sixteen. She’s always sort of manic and I think she’s really smart but you probably have to wait until four in the morning for her to start talking about smart people things. She reminds me of a version of my mom that took up dance and punk music and boxing instead of becoming a teacher. 

“This is Duke,” Opal said, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to the man. I looked up at him. He didn’t look trans. He had a really curly head of long back hair and a thick beard and a lot of tattoos and smiley eyes. He looked like a biker that a country singer would date.

“Sup,” Duke said. “Nice to meet you.”

“You’re meeting everyone tonight,” Goober said, throwing her blond hair over one shoulder. “James works at Compton House too, with the teen council thing.”

“Hey Duke,” I said. “Nice to meet you. You like OVID?” I gave him a man handshake, with a firm grip. He looked like he would respect that.

“Yeah, since they got started I’ve come to almost every show,” Duke said. “Me and Stacey go way back.”

“Barb used to date Stacey, right?” I asked. “Is that how you guys know each other?” I wasn’t going to allude to the fact that Barb and Duke were fucking. 

“Kind of,” Barb said. She sat down on a stump next to me. “I love that we’re all here at this show together. I feel a great kind of continuity.” She grinned up at Duke, who looked at her with the most disgustingly lovey gaze I have ever seen in this world. I looked at Opal, who shrugged. 

“You seen Ian yet?” I asked Opal. 

“No. What’s up?” Opal could tell in my voice that something was wrong. 

“Ken is drunk somewhere and Ian is gonna do the show with a replacement drummer,” I said. 

“What? Who?”

“Some kid from the other band. Quince Quest.”

“The fuck he is. I’m gonna drum for him. I have to join his band,” Opal said. They started rolling their chair backward and pivoting it toward the garage.

“Maybe later,” I said. “Not tonight. He’s stressed. Swimmer boy troubles. Drummer troubles. Too much. He’ll snap at you.”

“I know his songs, dude,” Opal said. “I know he’s stressed, but I can do it better than a quince kid. I’ve been practicing on the drums at Barb’s.” 

“Do you need help getting to the garage?” I asked. There was a lot of gravel between here and there.

“I’m good, dude.” Opal turned away from me, and I felt a little abandoned.

“Do you want backup?”

“Let them go talk to him,” Goober said. “You’ll be all touchy feely and Opal will just boss him. That’s what he needs.”

“You said it,” Opal yelled over their shoulder. 

Duke turned to me. His eyes were irrepressibly crinkly. “So James. Barb talks about you and Opal and Compton House all the time. How long have you been on the Compton House teen council? What do you think of it?”

I shrugged. I didn’t want to give this guy too much of a leg up on the competition if he was really applying to be director. “I mean, it’s very important. We did an awareness training for a church two weeks ago about mental health and teens. I feel like I’m connected to local politics and stuff, even if it means I know the dirt about everyone.”

Barb laughed. 

“You remind me of me. I was involved in the first committee for Ladyfest when it happened here in 2000,” Duke said. “I was on security. I sat in on all the meetings for planning.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “Continuity.” 

I looked away from Duke and Barb, hoping they’d see someone they knew and go talk to them. 

***

It was two hours later when word spread slowly through the mass of people that the show was starting. The sun had gone down and I had three mosquito bites, even though it should have been too cold. There was standing water in one of the barrels behind Goat Mansion, and that always meant the mosquitos survived longer here than anywhere. Everyone but me was getting drunk. I hadn’t gotten any closer to Orsino, though he’d caught my eye just before everyone went down to the garage and crowded in through the single side door. I thought I saw him smile, but I could have been wrong. 

The room was dark and ugly and packed. There are lights on the stage and then a tangle of wires near the stage that some fire safety expert was supposed to probably evaluate at some point after the Ghost Ship fire, but I don’t think it ever happened. There’s a lot of random piles of shit near the door that should be a main point of egress, and people sit on it like it’s benches at a ball game. It’s definitely not structurally stable. The lights that shine down on the tiny little stage are beautiful. Tonight there was pink and red gels over them, so it looked like a sex party or a weird pretty Hell. 

Ian was wearing his fishnet arm wraps, a lot of glitter, and Goober’s leather miniskirt that that she’d worn to Pride in June. His wrists were covered in bangles. His chest was bare. His hair was sort of flopping over his face. He was fumbling with a lot of wires onstage. Opal was behind the drums. I hadn’t actually heard Opal play before, since they’d only started after they moved to Barb’s house. I didn’t know if they were good or not, but I guessed that they might be if they were going up. Opal was pretty clear-headed and wouldn’t put themselves on the spot if they thought they’d fail. Devon had on his normal clothes and looked pissed as fuck, but he was tuning his bass just the same. 

“ROCKETPIZZA!!!!!” Barb yelled. Some of the goths yelled too, as did the cis men who had been watching a movie inside. There were suddenly a lot of people around me, and I was worried about my feet getting stepped on by the dudes with the steel toed boots. I’m not dumb enough to wear non-sturdy footwear to a show, but I’m small.

Ian looked into the crowd, squinting. I don’t know if he knows Barb’s voice well enough to recognize a screech. He dropped some wires and stepped to the mic. 

“HEY BITCHES AND BABES AND FAGGOTS,” he yelled into the crowd. His voice got soft on the last word. There was a mix of cheers and uncomfortable muttering. Ian was oblivious to the latter. “HOW ARE YOU DOING?”

Barb and Duke both bellowed at the stage, incoherent jumbled exuberance. Old punks at least know how to bellow. 

“I’LL TELL YOU HOW I’M DOING,” Ian yelled into the mic, which twanged painfully over the speakers. “MY BOYFRIEND AND I JUST BROKE UP AND I LOST MY OLD DRUMMER BECAUSE HE IS A DUMBASS.”

There were some confused boos and apologetic noises, particularly from the goths near the front of the stage. All the teen goths were pretty far gone. I saw one of them swaying in her heels.

“BUT THAT IS OKAY,” Ian continued. “ROCKETPIZZA DIED TONIGHT. I LOOK GREAT. OPAL LOOKS GREAT ON DRUMS. GIVE IT UP FOR OPAL.”

I yelled at the top of my lungs, feeling like it was a kind of weird ecstatic prayer. The guy with a beard next to me moved away from me in surprise.

“WE ARE A NEW GROUP NOW. OUR NAME IS MISS SAN JUAN AND THE DUSTIES. YOU’RE HERE TO WITNESS THE BIRTH OF A GOOFY NEW QUEERCORE BAND. ISN’T THAT EXCITING?”

Ian was good at riling up a crowd. People were getting more interested in this seventeen year old twink yelling at them. 

“ALSO YOU WILL PROBABLY WITNESS THE DEATH OF MY VOCAL CHORDS BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO SCREAM MY GUTS OUT. THIS IS A NEW SONG. IT IS CALLED FOOLSLUT IN RETROGRADE.” Ian shook his head and smiled and blinked in the way that had made me fall sort of in love with him when we were fifteen. 

The drunk baby goths went hog wild, and I screamed at the top of my lungs again and whistled through the gap in my teeth, like my grandmother had taught me to do when I was five.

Then Ian opened his mouth to sing. 

(insert here: a piece of torn notebook paper, with the title: FOOLSLUT IN RETROGRADE LYRICS)

THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SHAKE ME 

FROM THE POOL OF BLACK INK

ATOP YOUR FIRE ESCAPE

I BREATHE IN THE STINK

OF YOUR SMELLY BALLS

I FEEL NOTHING AT ALL 

THE PLANETS WERE ALIGNED

NOW WE’RE BADLY COMBINED

SOLO QUIERO LLEVAR TUS BRAGAS

SOLO QUIERO TOCAR TU BOCA

SOLO QUIERO TENER TUS LLAGAS

PARA TERMINAR ESTA EPOCA

I’M IN PAIN I’M INSANE

WE ARE SMASHING THE WORLD

I’M IN PAIN I’M INSANE

YOUR DEPRESSED BITCH GIRL

BOY 

SHUT UP YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

BOY

SHUT UP YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

FILL MY MIND WITH SMOKE 

SMOKE IT IN YOUR BONG

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

SO LONG SO LONG

WE DON’T WANT IT OR NEED IT

I NEED YOU TO BEAT IT

END THE WORLD

END THE WORLD

END THE WORLD

FUCK 

(end paper)

When Ian’s set ended fifteen minutes later, the pit had fully opened up. 

People were swaying and had been punching and pushing into each other. I’d gotten slammed against the wall twice and had been shoved into someone’s armpit four times. Which was like, not normal for an opening band. Usually people just stood awkwardly staring with their PBRs in their hands, rocking a little or jamming their heads if the band was good. But some combination of everyone already being wasted and of Opal’s drumming—which was actually really good—and of Ian jumping fully into the air…everyone got electrified somehow. I felt my B.O swelling up toward the ceiling with everyone else’s and the heat from us all supercharging the air like it was some kind of ancient magically charged sweat house made of old cedar in the deep wilderness of the Russian steppe. Ian’s glitter was dripping down his chest in waves. I felt my own shirt soaking with the sweat. My lungs hurt from yelling, and I was reeling still. I watched Ian turn and unplug his amp and walk offstage just before the crush of bodies trying to get out into the cold air totally obscured my view of him. I tried to keep my head above the crowd, thanking god that I wasn’t super sensitive to noise, smells, or sensory overstimulation.

“That was incredible,” a voice behind me said. I didn’t recognize it. I turned slightly. Jukebox January was behind me, smiling. Their chin hairs were darker than I remembered them.  They were shorter than me. They had smudged pink eyeliner in one long band around their eyes. Their shirt was torn so I could see one of their nipples through the fabric.

“Yeah,” I said. “It got so hot in here so fast. We gotta wait a bit for the air to cool down before yours, huh.”

“That set!” Jukebox exclaimed. “Like, that was phenomenal! So good and raw but also like, they’re real! They’re so good. We gotta get this kid a record deal so fast if he wants to sell out! He’s your friend, right?”

I smiled. I felt so happy for Ian. He loved OVID. Tonight had been hard, but it was going to turn out so good for him.  “Yeah,” I said. “I’m James. We go to school together. I’ve known him a long ass time. He’s so good.”

“What’s going on with the band?” Jukebox asked. Their teeth were all showing in their smile. “Some shuffling stuff? Do you think the current situation will hold together? They literally sounded so so good.”

“I literally don’t even know,” I said. “But he loves you, he loves OVID. Like he and his  followed you to the Gorge this summer and then down to the Bay when you were on tour. You should talk to him.” I was glad I was able to be so chill when my heart was pounding into my ears from the adrenaline. 

“Let’s go,” Jukebox said. “I gotta touch base with my bandmates in a second but I wanna give him props. What’s his full name? Does he go by Miss San Juan? Or she?”

“Ian,” I said. “Ian Arroyo. And he uses he/him, at least for now.”

“Cool. What about you?”

“James,” I said. I led Jukebox out into the yard. The cool night air with the smell of decay and everything hit my skin and my mouth all at the same time. It was a second before I saw Ian over by the truck with Opal in the dark. Opal was smoking, and Ian was moving something in the bed of the truck. I screamed loud and high pitched as we got close so he could hear me. 

“That was incredible, bitch!” 

Ian turned. He smiled weakly. “I’m so so so shaking,” he yelled back. His bare chest was getting goosebumps in the cold. He was so beautiful. 

“Look who I brought,” I yelled, thrusting a thumb back at Jukebox, who lifted a hand in greeting. Ian stood up immediately. He leapt over the side of the truck bed to land on both feet in the gravel in front of us. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hey,” Jukebox said. “That was incredible. I wanted to make sure you knew. I’m Jukebox.”

“I know,” Ian said. “I can’t wait for your set. I’m so so tired but I’m gonna stay here till the end.”

“I literally haven’t ever played drums live before,” Opal said.

“You were great for all that,” Jukebox said.

I turned away from them and turned toward the bonfire. I tried to make out through the dark who was still here that I knew. People were dancing a little near the fire and there was a cluster of lit cigarette ends floating in the shadows just beyond my field of vision.

“Come hang out with me,” Jukebox was saying to Ian. “My friends are over here. My girlfriend Robin was loving your set too, but she has issues with moshing so had to step out when it got intense. Someone threw a bottle and it nearly hit her.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Opal said. 

We moved over toward the patch of the yard where Jukebox’s friends were. I could smell the smoke and the blackberries and the wood and sweat and smoke and I felt like I was still on some kind of crazy high. Orsino was sitting there, like I knew he would be. There was a space next to him on the log he was sitting on. He looked up and smirked at me and I sat down next to him without a second thought. 

#writing #long post #long text #James and orsino #ya #trans

[hoseokmylovesworld]

Picture of Love | 07

Pairing: Photographer!Hoseok x OC x Producer!Yoongi

Genre/Warnings: Hoseok AU/Yoongi AU/Includes strong language.

Words: 3,330

Summary: Charlotte Galloway is the leader of the up and coming girl band, “She-Bang”, with a side hustle as a photographer for anyone who will hire her.  She meets a fellow professional photographer named Jung Hoseok who helps “She-Bang” realize their dreams and Charlotte to make a love connection along the way.

I knew better than to think that the girls would be keeping to themselves, sleeping or doing anything other than pestering me as soon as I walk through the hotel room door. So when I am greeted with exactly that, I am not surprised whatsoever.

"How was it?"

"Did you have fun?"

"Did you fuck?"

Is all I hear on my journey through the hotel room, hanging up my jacket and slipping off my shoes on my way to my bed. I send a glare in Leyah's direction, knowing where that last question came from, before I sit at the head of my bed. The girls proceed to get comfortable around me, awaiting details of my date with J-Hope.

"So?" Carrie begins the interrogation. I sigh humorously and call back tonight's events.

"Okay...well basically we just went to dinner at Gary Danko." I pause for collective oo's and ah's heard around the bed. "Yeah." I comment with a smug smile. "We just talked...and flirted. A lot." I laughed and the girls follow suit.

"We just got to know each other...yeah." I say still dazed by how amazing tonight was and satisfies with my description.

"Awwwww!" Squealed Carrie causing the rest of us to roll our eyes and eventually laugh at her.

And I thought I was the softy. "What?! That was cute as fuck." She defended. I just shrug.

"But Gary Danko. I thought this kid was a photographer." Leyah chimed in.

"He is." As far as I know.

"Must be dealing on the side or somethi-"

"Leyah!" I chide her. She snickers at me. "Sorry. I'm sure he's not Char...doesn't seem like the type anyway." She murmurs the last bit under her breath. "Okay." I say signaling that this conversation is over. The girls and I sit in silence for a few before Vicky's curiosity gets the better of her.

"So you really didn't do anything?" she asks with squinted eyes. I can only assume she meant sexually because Leyah adds "I know right?! That's what I'm saying.", incredulously. "Yeah." Carrie adds. I literally drop my face to rest in my palm at their lack of faith in my will power.

"Guys, come on. It's not like I'm fighting myself not to jump J-Hope whenever I see him." Although I am. "...We did kiss though." I finished looking down at the bed awaiting judgement.

"WHAT?"

"When were you gonna tell us this?!"

"Was he good?"

I nod in shame. "Yeah. Sorry, I kinda forgot, somehow. And yes, he's amazing." I smile at the memory of it. The girls oggle me. I suspect they took pity on me in my transformation into a lovesick fool and decided to lay off because they stopped teasing me.

"So are you gonna see him again?" Vicky asks gently. "Yes." I answer immediately and she smiles brightly at me. "Good" I hear Leyah say as she leaves my bed to find her own. "You deserve this Char." Vicky an Carrie find their way to the other half of the suite.

I just nod in thanks, not knowing how to respond. "Okay guys, don't get all soft on me now." I try to pull myself together and get things back to normal. 

"No, I believe you're the soft one." Leyah shot back. "Wahtever, I-" I start with her, but am interrupted by my cell phone ringing in my pocket. Looking at the caller ID, I say "Oh that's him now.", sweetly and picked up the call a bit too quickly. Stupid, stupid Char.

"Hey Jay." I greet him in the sweetest, most alluring voice I can muster at the moment, ignoring the gagging noises Leyah is making next to me.

"Hey there. I'm just getting in, wanted to let you know and see what we could work out about this photo shoot."

"Oh yes! Give me a second." I press the reciver of the phone to my chest and turn to the girls. "When are you all free to do the photo shoot with J-Hope?"

"I'm free whenever." Leyah droans.

"Yeah, me too." Vicky says.

"So I'm hearing tomorrow? Carrie?" I ask to make things official. Carrie doesn't speak for a couple moments and then utters "Um...I have a date tomorrow." Her eyes are everywhere, but on the girls and I start to get confused by her behavior.

We just gushed, literally gushed, over my date with J-Hope. We abolished our ban on romance and we are allowed to date again. So what's making Carrie act so preserved about it?

The silence passes as I congratulate her, not knowing what else to do I say, "Carrie, that's great!"

"Yeah, bro it's okay. We'll do it another time." Leyah adds. But Carrie still has that deer caught in the headlights look frozen on her face.

"So who is this guy, what's his name?" Its my turn to be nosey.

"...Her name is Roselin."

"Oh." Is my immediate reaction to her words. After that the girls are all silent. Not because we disapprove of her choice, but because we never knew Carrie was remotely into girls.

"That's great!" I say, awkwardly breaking the silence once again. "I'm so happy for you." Leyah and Vicky are quick to murmur in agreement.

Carrie gives a hint of a smile. "Thanks guys." she whispers, still looking down. "So I'm hearing Monday at noon?" Each of the girls nods and I relay the message to J-Hope. "That sounds perfect actually. I'll send you the address and details tonight. Oh and bring your equipment if you can."

"Okay, yeah sure. We can do that." Making a note to tell Kyle and Darren they actually had to do something in two days.

"Cool." J-Hope answers smoothly.

"Hey, thank you so much again for doing this, the girls and I really appreciate it." I stressed over the phone.

"Hey, don't even worry about it Char. I'm happy to do this for you." He assured "...and maybe your band too." He finished, making me chuckle. "Like I said, I really appreciate it Jay." I say dragging out my words in, hopefully, a seductive manor. Maybe I will repay him for his generosity in some other way, who knows. I can hear him let out a huff of air and I can just see his smug smile. "Oh. Ha. It's nothing." "Well, I'm gonna turn in now, so I'll see you on Monday?" I ask. "Yes you will. Goodnight, Charlotte." His sweet, deep voice drawled. "Goodnight, Jay."

+++++++++++++++++++++++

J-Hope had given me the address to an apartment building full of lofts that were apparently for sale. We were instructed to take the equipment to first floor of the building. We drug our instruments through the corridor that lead to the first loft in the complex and I was so impressed with and in awe of the scene we were met with after walking through the unlocked door that lead to our photo shoot.

The structure of the loft itself was beautiful. It was a spacious warehouse style with hard wood floors, concrete walls, a high ceiling and was only made up of the one room apart from the bathroom. The room was incredibly spacious and had a high ceiling to accommodate the fire escape-like steps that lead to the second-half-floor. I'd never seen anything like it in person. Not to mention the glorious sight of multiple white backdrops and lights in every corner with people to man them.

"Whoa." Is all I uttered as I walked further into the room, my friends behind me. "Yeah." Leyah weighed in.

I spot J-Hope talking to a pretty lady in a suit who looks to be in her mid-thirties, that beautiful camera in hand.  He notices me at nearly the same time, smiling that blinding smile immediately in greeting. He looks breath taking in all black, bomber jacket, ripped jeans, pumas and all. His black hair parted down the middle, barely exposing his forehead and drawing attention to adorable glasses resting comfortably on his nose. God, is anyone else seeing this?

"Charlotte!" He approaches us, the lady he was talking to following behind him. "Jay!" I return his enthusiasm. Letting his camera hang around his neck, he leans in to peck me surprisingly on the cheek and grabs my guitar case from my hands in one fluid motion. I'm officially frozen to my spot in embarrassment and shock. He doesn't seem to notice as he greets the rest of the group.

"Hello everyone. This is Janice Bailey, this is actually her building." J-Hope explains. I unfreeze and promptly reach for Janice's hand to shake it. "It's nice to meet you. Thank you so much for letting us use this space. I'm Char." I say shaking her hand a little to wildly. "It's nice to meet you all as well. And I simply owed Hoseok a favor, this was him calling it in. I only wish to observe today's events." So that's how you say his name.

"If that's okay with you all." J-Hope looks over the group for objections, as do I. "Yeah, of course. It's fine." I assure them. "Great! You guys can set up whatever you need to against that backdrop over there." He said pointing to the largest backdrop of them all. I gently grip J-Hope's jacket before he can help She-Bang, Darren and Kyle to set up the drum set and keyboard. "What is all this Jay?" I whisper to him. "What?" He looked down at me with a clueless expression on his face. I just tilt my head to the right and lift my right brow. "This."

I gesture to our surroundings. I start to count the people in the room that seem to be helping with the shoot. There are six. One man is helping the group put together the instruments, one man is finishing setting up the backdrops, a woman is checking the lighting, another man seems to be already editing test photos and the last man and woman are stood at the back of the room talking over coffee. The woman excuses herself from the conversation to search through a crate of some sort that looks chuck full of makeup products. That's when I notice the coffee, donuts and other goodies along the wall near the bathroom. My jaw drops.

"Is that a makeup artist?" I ask incredulously. J-Hope pauses before responding. "I just wanted to be prepared." He sighed. "But you all showed up looking beautiful as always." He brushes the back of his fingers against my cheek and I deflate, all feelings of anxiety vanishing from my body at once. I sigh as well.

"You really didn't need to do all this." I remind him, wondering why someone would do all this for me.

"I wanted to. It's nothing really." He shakes his head drops his hand down to my arm before giving it a gently squeeze. I glance up at him in awe. "Thank you." I say for the thousandth time. He just nods and leads me to the rest of the band at the larger backdrop. As I turn around my eyes meet Darren's focused ones, he immediately looks away with a clenched jaw and furrowed eyebrows.

Right. Almost forgot about Darren's pure hatred for J-Hope. Please God, let this go well.

J-Hope carefully took Bruce, my guitar, out of it's case and handed it to me and then handed the case to one of his staff...Friends? Employees? Is he paying them for this?! I feel uneasiness rise in me once again. This all too much. I know he said he wouldn't charge us, but I could never pay him back for this. On the other hand, as I look around I realize I've never had anyone go to this length to impress or even make me happy. Darren breaks me out of my trance.

"You okay, Char?" he asks, from the sidelines of the drop to my left. My head cocks in his direction and I sigh before replying "Yes.", trying to reassure myself as well. He just nods, unconvinced.

"Okay guys!" An energetic J-Hope grabs my attention next. "While Leyah is sitting at the drum set and everyone has their instruments, why don't we get some somewhat candid shots?" The girls and I nod in understanding. My hands fly to a familiar chord on my guitar so that I look more natural. We even have some amps set up in the front and back to look more authentic.

J-Hope starts taking pictures frantically from different angles and the girls and I look at the camera fiercely, kind of loving the attention after a few moments I look passed the camera to J-Hope in awe. It's downright impressive to watch him in his zone and easy to see why he's in his position.

He knows how to get a specific reaction from his clients and knows how to capture their best sides, even though there are four of us, going as far as instructing some of us to pose specifically to get a good vantage point.

We immediately lock eyes when he looks up from the camera to us to gather himself and his next approach. He smiles fondly at me and I'm forced to drop my gaze to the floor and smile stupidly. Dumb ass.

"Charlotte." My eyes immediately flip up to meet J-Hope's, awaiting further instruction. "Could you possibly tilt your head to the left and jut your chin out the slightest bit?" I ponder his request in my head with a confused expression and attempt the position he just described.

"More out." He demanded. Attempt #2. I try to follow the order I've been given.

"No, like more natural. He offers, even trying to pose himself to serve as example. Okay, attempt number three. "Uh...No." He gives up and approaches me. Modelling is hard. J-Hope reaches me with his arms stretched out towards me, but pauses.

"May I?" He asks with curious eyes. I can only assume he's asking if he can touch my face and I accept.

He takes hold of my chin with his thumb and index finger with a gentle grip and redirects my head to fit his vision. His attention goes lower and to my chest and my eyebrows sky rocket until I see he actually means to adjust my jacket caught under my guitar strap. It is then that I realize I would not give a fuck if J-Hope were actually checking out my cleavage right now and I'm actually shocked and kind of offended that he isn't. The fuck?

He then makes his way back up like he's studying me for any detail out of place. His eyes lock on the hair hanging against my face and he reaches up rearrange the strand, but as he finishes we make eye contact once more. We've only been this close with each other three other times and this time I really took the time to appreciate how actually beautiful this man is up close. What is his damn skin routine?!

I hear someone clear their throat off to side, breaking me out of my trance and I realize J-Hope and I have been staring at each other that entire time. Great. J-Hope clears his throat as well, but out of embarrassment.

J-Hope continues on with the shoot just as professional as ever before making a wonderful request to Leyah. "Leyah, can you actually play the drums for a little bit?" Leyah shrugs her shoulders and plays a simple groove and Vicky decides to add a fitting baseline. Carrie and I follow suit because we can't let half the group have a jam session by themselves.

After a few minutes I'm not even worried about the camera because this place has the best acoustics I've ever heard and I finally feel totally comfortable.

J-Hope then had us move to the second backdrop across the loft without the instruments to take group shots. Leyah took full advantage of this opportunity to annoy me to no end without the consequence of me beating her ass because we're in public, but it made everyone else laugh and J-Hope wouldn't stop snapping photos so we must be doing something right. 

Soon J-Hope ran the photos by us and we deemed the shoot successful and done. He's even agreed to spread the word about us to his celebrity friends. Not sure how seriously the rest of the group took that statement, but I held fast to that promise and am incredibly thankful. One of J-Hope's staff saves the pictures on a flash drive and the girls go to get the instruments packed up along with Darren and Kyle as I approach J-Hope.

"Jay, thank you again. This means so much to us." I say for umpteenth time. He just smiles at the floor before gazing up at me with kind eyes. "Don't mention it Charlotte, really. I actually had a lot of fun today. I actually took some video too, of the jam session if you're interested in that." he offers.

"Thank you. Yeah, no kidding. You were...amazing today." Damn, just suck his dick right here, why don't you?

J-Hope looks genuinely humbled by my compliment. "Thank you so much Charlotte. Maybe the roles can be reversed in the future." He proposed suggestively. "Whatever I take wouldn't be able to touch this, but sure." I accept, as I would any opportunity to learn from J-Hope. He pulls a face and says "I'm sure they would be incredible." He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. This kid is really into skin ship, which is more than I'm used to, but I can't see myself complaining.

Just let it happen Char.

"Hey, what are you doing for the rest of the day?" He brings his hand to wrap around my waist and rest on my lower back, only his camera between us. Hopefully you.

"Nothing, why?" I look up at him with hopeful eyes.

"How about an early dinner?" He invites licking his lips.

"I would love that." I answer more to his lips than to him. I assume I've been caught because he chuckles at my response and completely takes me by surprise when he pecks my lips. If I could blush I would, but instead I smile like an idiot as he lifts his hand to my shoulder and leads me over to my waiting group of friends.

"I'm gonna stick around here with Jay, you guys can go without me." Darren nods with a tired expression and exits the loft without a word, carrying the kick drum, symbols and one amp. Everyone looks at the exit for a few moments before returning our attention each other.

"Okayyy. Thank you for today J-Hope, you're a real one." Leyah says nodding and sporting a genuine smile. Vicky and Carrie follow suit and gives their thanks as well.

"It was no trouble at all ladies. You all did great work today." He responds, giving my shoulder a ginger squeeze. And smiling at the floor like an idiot becomes my permanent stance. How can someone make someone feel this stupid and good about themselves all at the same time?

"We'll see you at the hotel Char." The girls and Kyle say their goodbyes on their way out the door and then its just me, J-Hope and his crew.

"Okay, I have to stick around for a bit and get everything packed up before we can go." He explains. "That's okay I'll help out." I reply. J-Hope gives me an appreciative look and then nods. "Thanks, Charlotte." I help Jay and his crew clean up the drops, lights, tables and stands and snack on the provided donuts. I even take some for the girls because there are still so many left. I thank the crew for all their hard work today and soon I'm being escorted into J-Hope's car on our way to dinner.

#j-hope fanfic #suga fanfic #junghosoek #minyoongi #bts #btsfanfiction #AMBW #kpop #humour #sugardaddyj-hope

[shrubforhire]

All the lesbian asks

Fuck U

Gay/Lesbian Ask Game

Rules: send an emoji for each question!

🍑- do you align with a gay subcategory (twink, butch, femme, bear, etc.)?

BIG Femme

🐕- have any pets?

I have a lil corgi mix

🎉- funny coming out stories?

I came out to my roommate drunk at a party after a gay man there set us up in a room when I told him I was really nervous to tell her haha. She said it was totally fine and I was so relieved and also drunk + emotion

🚪- have you come out yet?

Kind of? I don’t really come out but people just kinda hear cause my friends call me a lesbian

🏀- do you play any sports?

I played baseball for a year,, when I was 11,,,,, lol 

🎮- do you play video games?

I’ve been playing binding of isaac pretty much exclusively lately

🎨- are you an artist?

Not visual art hah, I can draw simple cartoons but thats it

📖- do you write?

Sometimes I write songs when im feelin real emo

🎸- are you a musician?

Yes! I play piano, uke, some guitar, and I fake the drums

🚗- can you drive?

Yup!

🎵- who’s your favorite musician?

Oh man,, Im so very into dodie right now, everything she makes just feels so personal and lived in, like I’ve been hearing it forever even though she just wrote it

🌟- who’s your icon?

Idk if this means my icon on tumblr,, which is lesbian kermit. Thats the easier answer so im gonna do that

🎞- favorite lgbt movie?

I really dig Almost Adults

📕- favorite lgbt book?

I don’t read a lot so I haven’t really read any gr8 LGBT books

👤- favorite lgbt fictional character?

I’d die for Elena Alvarez 

🥂- favorite drink?

reeeeeed red wine

🌇- country or city?

City

📼- 80s or 90s?

Im partial to 80′s cause I did an 80′s teen musical 

💎- vintage or modern?

I wear more modern but sometimes I really like vintage inspired stuff

▶️- michael henry or brian jordan alvarez?

Brian Jordan Alvarez for years babey

🍐- are you petty gay or a nice gay?

I think of myself as a nice gay, I’m very forgiving

💄- do you like makeup?

Oh hell yea

💤- sleepy or exhausted?

Right now? just sleepy

🔮- do you believe in astrology?

Not seriously, it’s fun, but I don’t shape my life around it.

💟- are you religious or spiritual?

Not really, I’m trying to get in touch with my jewish heritage since I was kinda forcibly raised atheist by my dad, but I’m not super spiritual or religious

🎁- what’s your favorite holiday?

Probably halloween, its so fun and I love costumes biiiiiitch

😘- first crush?

I really can’t remember exactly cause I’m sure I had years of lesbian denial, but the first I remember really admitting was Hayley Williams in 7th grade lol

😍- have a crush now?

I got a fuckin pocket full of crushes rn im a skank lmao

💞- favorite thing to do on a first date?

Idk, first dates are always pretty awkward, but I prefer doing activities that are mobile so something like skating or an amusement park

🎉- do you like parties?

Y e s   omg

👑- ever been to a drag show?

I saw Kinky Boots?? so not really lol

🍹- ever been to a gay bar?

Im not 21 :( but god I wanna go to one so bad

👭- do you have a gf? do you want one?

Nope, every fUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE BITCH

👬- do you have a bf? do you want one?

Nope, not ever in hell!!!!

💘- do you believe in love at first sight?

I believe in attraction at first sight, but love takes a lot of time

💋- how was your first kiss?

So freaking awkward. There was a good 10+ minutes of buildup cause no one would make a first move so we both kept saying idk,, what do you *want*?? ;)) and then eventually I just smashed my face into hers and stood there for like 5 secs and then got up & she left like right after lol

🌈- do you want to get married?

yessssss

🕛- how old were you when you realized you were gay?

I was in denial for a while lol, I would say I just liked looking at girls cause that was how I wanted to look, I usually mark it down as during the 7th grade when my friend showed me rock horror and during the touchatoucha touch me song I was n o t  looking at rocky I was only looking at janet rofl lmao

⛅- winter or summer gay?

Summer gay cause im gayest in the summer

[circlesandsoundwaves]

“We can actually do it.”: Interview with Waterparks

Photo and Interview by Molly Louise Hudelson.

If you’ve been following the pop-punk scene over the past two years, chances are you’re familiar with Waterparks. The Houston-based group recently wrapped a tour with All Time Low, and in addition to a North American headlining tour earlier this year, they’ve also shared the stage with Sleeping With Sirens and Good Charlotte.

I met up with Awsten, Otto, and Geoff for an interview before the first of two Philadelphia shows last month, and it was a fun one. There was a lot of laughter and joking around, but when it comes to the band, they do mean business. Selling out most dates of their first headlining tour taught them that “we can actually do it”; and they’re now “much more confident” heading in to a headlining tour in the UK.  Read on for my interview with Waterparks, where we talked about the tours, their recent experience as Emo Night DJs, and more!

CIRCLES & SOUNDWAVES: For the record, could you each tell me your name, what you play in Waterparks, and a fun fact about yourself?   Awsten Knight: Awsten, I sing in Waterparks, and it's not fun to be in Waterparks. That's my fun fact. Otto Wood: Hi, my name is Otto, I play the drums in Waterparks, and I miss having fun. Geoff Wigington: Hi, my name is Geoff, I play guitar in Waterparks, and I have fun in Waterparks.   C&S: You're on the All Time Low tour right now; you did a tour with Sleeping With Sirens last fall, you've done some touring with Good Charlotte, and then you did your first headliner this spring. I read something from earlier this year where you said that you felt like on support tours, you had training wheels.   AK: Yep.   C&S: And then all of a sudden for a headlining tour, you're pushed out on your own. What did you learn from being on a headlining tour?   AK: That we can actually do it and it's not that scary- kinda like a bike. GW: I definitely love doing a headline tour more than a support tour. AK: The whole training wheels thing, that was because I didn't know what the draw would actually be like in terms of people caring.   C&S: Most of the shows sold out.   AK: Yeah, the majority of them. There was only a couple that didn't. One of them I was so mad- capacity was 600 and it was at like, 584. I was like, "fuck." I was mad. I was like, "Guys, we should maybe buy however many tickets."   C&S: The headliner was incredibly successful- has that affected you at all or given you any confidence going into another support tour like this?   OW: Oh, we're so not grounded anymore! [Awsten and Geoff laugh.]   C&S: What do you mean?   OW: [Laughs.] Our egos are hugely inflated. AK: We all have our own bus now. GW: Yeah, this is actually the first time we've talked to each other in months. AK: You're bringing the gang back together. OW: Yeah. Thank you.   C&S: Well, I feel honored that I can be the one to bring Waterparks all back together.   Last night you played Boston and after the show, DJ-ed Emo Night. [They all laugh.]   AK: Yeah.   C&S: What were your personal guidelines in putting together your setlist?What were your criteria in choosing songs?   AK: Hits. OW: Play all the hits. AK: Just the hits. OW: All the hits. AK: The night before, in the hotel room, I was sitting at my computer, and looped the intro to "I'm Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance so it would just start over when the vocals come in. I did the same thing with "Welcome To The Black Parade." I thought it would be really funny but everyone was just really drunk and singing very loud and did not notice. So I just looked at Otto and was like, "It's not working."   C&S: I've never been to an Emo Night but what I've heard is that everyone gets really, really drunk.   GW: Everybody's super drunk the whole time, and if you're not drunk, you're not really gonna have that much fun. OW: I miss having fun.   C&S: I saw on Twitter that you played a TED Talk during Emo Night? [Otto and Geoff burst out laughing.]   AK: Yeah. They cut it short.   C&S: That's very disappointing- Emo Night censorship.   AK: I know. I got through about five minutes of the TED Talk I wanted them to hear.   C&S: What was the TED Talk about?   AK: Oh, it was about getting your life together, so it was a good time for them to hear it. The people that were in charge kept coming up and going like, "Hey, I think you're losing them!"- I was like, "I don't think so." OW: They're like, "Hold on, hold on." AK: "Just give it another minute." And finally they came and played- I don't know, The Used or something.   C&S: Wait, so someone cut off your TED Talk?   AK: Oh yeah, dude- a lot of our stuff kept getting [cut off]. OW: They hijacked our playlist. We had a whole thing set up and I'd say half the set or more wound up being an outside influence- "You should play this now." I was like, "I guess."   C&S: If you had had full control over the playlist, what would it have been?   AK: The thing is, we had to put in a couple staples just so they wouldn't be permanently mad. Duh, you have to play "I Write Sins", duh you have to play "Cute Without the E." We came out to "What If God Was One Of Us?"- with balloons and everything- but it wound up being instrumental so I had to sing it, so that was weird. I was asking a lot of rhetorical questions between lines. OW: And then we rolled right in to "Who Let The Dogs Out?".   C&S: That's a little bit of a switch-up from the typical Emo Night. OW: Right. And then right on in to "I'm A Believer", "Good Girls Go Bad", "Welcome To The Black Parade" intro loop over and over again. We tried to play "Humble"; that didn't work out. We tried to do a TED Talk; that didn't work out. We did "Cute Without The E." AK: That worked out. OW: I think that worked out because that was kind of in line with what everybody was cool with. "I'm Not Okay" intro loop, we were gonna play "How To Save A Life" by The Fray- that didn't work out.   C&S: See, even though The Fray is not an emo band, that song makes me feel emo.    OW: It makes you emote.   C&S: And it's from the right era.   OW: From "How To Save A Life" into "How You Remind Me" from Nickelback. AK: That didn't happen either. OW: "I Write Sins Not Tragedies", "It's My Life"- we got to play some of that Bon Jovi. AK: They cut it off. OW: And then we got to play our song "Easter Egg" for a little bit. AK: We said we were gonna play it that night and everybody was disappointed that we didn't play it during our set. OW: We weren't lying, though. We did play it. AK: And then it got cut off for A Day To Remember- so, sorry.   C&S: You have a tour coming up in the UK, and that's your first headliner in the UK.   AK: And it's sold out!   C&S: How do you feel going in to that knowing it's sold out?   AK: Much more confident. GW: Yeah- it's gonna be really cool. I love the UK a lot. OW: Really good- maybe I'll start to have fun again.   C&S: What would allow you to have fun?   OW: If these guys will let me play bass instead of drums. AK: Nope!   C&S: So that leads in to the video for "Gloom Boys", where you have a potential bassist fighting off all your ex-bassists, Scott Pilgrim-style. The video is what, seven minutes long?   AK: Yeah dude. It was twelve and we were like, "Gotta cut it down." OW: It's a commitment.   C&S: So you weren't going to make a feature length film?   AK: It just didn't seem like the best idea, but... eventually.   C&S: There's a line in that song where you say, "I like happy songs with titles that don't match at all." When I listen to your album Double Dare, that's what I get out of it- it's a super, super catchy, fun record- but then I looked at the lyrics and I was like, "...oh." [Otto laughs.] Some of it's, like, real shit.   AK: Yeah, that's what that means.   C&S: In terms of other music that you're in to, what are some of your favorite happy songs with titles that don't match?   AK: I like a lot of music where it sounds poppy and happy and everything and then you can tell the lyrics and mood of it just don't match. Even if you switch it around and it sounds dark but it's a poppy and happy song- that's cool too. OW: I guess Alkaline Trio's good about that- Crimson, for sure, that record- album. Oh no- I said "record".   C&S: Can we not call an album a "record"?   AK: You can, as long as there's a [vinyl] record. We have a record of [Double Dare].   C&S: Are you big vinyl people?   AK: I go through phases of it- if it's one of my favorite albums or I'm obsessed with the art, I'll get it. But I don't collect to just have as much as possible.   C&S: I imagine it's hard on tour, too- to just physically collect a lot of stuff.   I saw the Digital Tour Bus video that you guys did on Warped Tour last year and there were all these boxes of stuff fans had given you. What is either the weirdest or the best thing a fan has given you?   GW: Somebody gave me a copy of Ocarina of Time 3D for my 3DS- that was super cool cuz I had it before and my system got stolen so I got to replay it. OW: Someone made me a needlepoint- my favorite film is There Will Be Blood with Daniel Day Lewis- and [the needlepoint] looks very innocent, it's a knitting of a milkshake and it's in bubblegum colors and it says "I drink your milkshake" on it- but if you know the context of it, it's very demented. AK: I like when people give me Whole Foods gift cards but as far as a thing that someone's made me, I got this voodoo doll of myself that I like to stroke and massage and give money to before I go to bed.   C&S: That's... genius. That's so cool.   AK: It hasn't worked.    C&S: Well, you can try.   Your album Double Dare came out last November, before that you had the EP Cluster, and then a couple EPs that you released before signing to Equal Vision. Over the years, how has your approach to songwriting changed? When you wrote Airplane Conversations that was before you had even played a show.   AK: Yep. I mean- just better at it. There's home recording involved when there wasn't before so you get to try out ideas and have a lot of options going- as opposed to being like, "Let's see what happens after we pay a bunch of money and this is fleshed out and complete and mixed and sounds good and then we can see if we wanna use it." That's not how it works- so having the freedom to do that just makes for better releases. OW: And you get to actually make things instead of trying to articulate it to someone later.  AK: Exactly- like any weird sounds or electronic stuff or whatever, you can just do it- instead of trying to be like- BRRLRLRRRLLLR- but saying, "make it sound like an icicle."   C&S: You won the Best Breakthrough Band award at the APMAs, you've been touring pretty much nonstop, and you put out an album less than a year ago- it's been a very good year for Waterparks. Where do you see yourselves or where do you hope to be a year from now?   GW: I hope to have at least three more buses.   C&S: Okay. So each of you has a bus, and then each of your personal assistants has a bus?   GW: No, no- one for each of our dogs.   C&S: Each dog has their own bus?   GW: Yeah. AK: I want to be friends with Pharrell. That's all I want to be different.   C&S: How do you respond to haters or any kind of negativity surrounding your band?   AK: No one hates us, we're the best band and- um… um... yeah. GW: That's how you actually do it right there.   C&S: Okay. I dig it. Cool, thank you guys so much- anything else to say? Anything else the internet should know?   AK: Get enough sleep. Stay off the internet. It's good for you.

Thanks Awsten, Otto, and Geoff! Waterparks recently announced a headlining tour for this fall; they’ll be joined by As It Is, Chapel, and Sleep On It. See a full list of shows and keep up with the band on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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