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etherealino · 4 years

Text

kisses, lmh

‣ synopsis: time passes by, his kisses evolve and so does your relationship with him.

‣ genre: college au, fluff, angst (if you squint)

‣ warning(s): swearing, guy tryna force reader to like him (more like they fight actually), reader gets in a fight but i didn’t really described it lmao. shshshs im sorryyyy

‣ word count: 8k+

‣ note: this is unproofread!! please, i said to myself i was not going to post another minho fic for a whole ass month or so but i was feeling it and this is the only thing i could write for. also, this is like the softest fic i’ve ever written. also, if you’re confused with reader’s course,, that’s fine bcs me too but somewhere in the music field lmao i honestly wrote this in a very unorganized way, sigh

one. – accidental kiss

hwang: y/n, where are you??

you: main gate, why?

hwang: the professor’s looking for you! didn’t you promise him last semester you wouldn’t be late anymore?

Oh, shit. You sigh. Honestly? The only reason why you made that promise was because you thought he wouldn’t be your professor anymore this semester. And seriously, it’s the first day of the second semester, who would have a class right away? Right, your torturous of a professor.

You ran, not minding anything but to get into class right away. You wanted to just flip everything over right in front of your professor. You can rant and rant about his shitty attitude, his large ass nose for being nosy about everything, his love for humiliating his students right in front of the whole entire class. You can rant about how you wanted to kick his shin, throw him across the river, slap him with the 1000 word handwritten essay paper right in front of the whole class. But you know it in yourself, you won’t. You have to forget how much of a war freak you are because you need to pass his class.

Pent up frustration being in your mind, you finally stepped on your building turning to the corner to the stairs only to bump into something. Or rather, someone. You felt something soft and gentle against your lips when you bumped into that person and you sigh, bending down to pick the person’s book up.

The person didn’t move an inch, still standing in his position where you bumped into. Weird. usually, a person would bend down, too, to pick their book up. You stood up, looking up to see someone gorgeous. Lee Minho. Ever since you entered the university, you had this huge crush on him and you won’t even deny it if someone asks you.

The sun rays that entered through the transparent window enlightened his brown hazelnut eyes and highlighted his features. But why is his hand over his lips?

Oh, shit.

You put a hand over your own lips. Shit. You accidentally kissed Lee Minho.

Not being able to say anything, you ran off going to your class.

Minho stood still, his eyes wide as you ran off. he shared a conversation or two with you from the past years being in the university, but you two never really became close. Whenever there are times that there are close opportunities the two of you would be left alone and when he’s about to strike up a conversation, a block mate of yours would come and get you needing you for something.

Minho runs his hand through his face and up to his hair as he looks around, hoping no one sees how red his cheeks are currently. He starts to walk and in the middle of his small journey to his class, then he stops as he suddenly realized something. He looks back to where the incident happened.

Shit. You have his book.

two. – kiss on the hand

After that very humiliating incident that happened, you would always avoid Minho everytime you see him ahead of you. As for the book, you asked Hyunjin to return Minho’s book. Of course, Hyunjin being a teasing friend would ask. “Why do you have his book?”

You blinked, stammering. “W-What?”

“I said, why do you have his book?” Hyunjin asks with a teasing smile on his face. You wanted to slap it off.

“I saw it on the ground and it has his name on it.” You said with a shrug. Hyunjin smirks and you really want to slap him. He doesn’t even know about your crush on Minho and he’s here making you flustered about Minho.

“Where?” Hyunjin asks.

“What?”

“Where is his name?” Hyunjin asks and you looked at the book. It has no name on it. But you were too embarrassed about your encounter with Minho.

“Look, I saw him drop it and when I picked it up he was already gone. I don’t even know why I said I saw his name there.” You said and shoved the book on Hyunjin’s hands. You look behind Hyunjin when you see Minho coming your way. Shit, he looks so good. Black jeans, white shirt, a denim jacket and his backpack slung on one shoulder as he walks and most likely, Minho would speak to Hyunjin since they’re very close friends. And most likely, you would get all bashful around him.

“I’m gonna get going,” you say, turning around, but Hyunjin grabs your arm.

“Hey, we have the same class, remember?” Hyunjin says. “Let’s go together, chill. We won’t go late.” You bit your lip, thinking of something stupid to get away from him. Then, you looked up.

“You see that, Jin?” You ask, pointing at the ceiling as a way to distract the tall boy.

“What?” Hyunjin asks as his grip loosens, his head tilting up to look where you pointed. You pull your hand off and ran away from your friend. Hyunjin’s eyes widen, following your every move as you push your way past through the crowd, clumsily bumping into someone occasionally.

“Hey,” Hyunjin hears as a pat on his shoulder was placed. Minho smiles at him, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he looks at Hyunjin.

“Hey,” Hyunjin smiles and his eyes land on the book he’s holding. “Is this yours?”

Minho looks at the book and sees that it was the book you took with you when the embarrassing encounter happened. “Yeah, how’d you got it?” Minho asks as he takes the book.

“Y/N saw you dropped it and she asked me to give it to you,” Hyunjin explains and Minho’s hand comes up at the back of his neck.

“R-Really?” Minho says.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin said. “You took up literature, right?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Kim.” Minho answers and Hyunjin smiles widely.

“Great, we’re having the same class.” Hyunjin says and Minho grins. Hyunjin decides that it was time for them to go now so they wouldn’t be late for the class. Hyunjin and Minho walk together, talking about the most random things the boys could think about. When they arrived at the lecture hall, Hyunjin immediately spots you sat on the back at the very corner on the window.

Hyunjin comes to you, taking the seat beside you as Minho follows him. Minho sees you and his first instinct was to look away. “Hey, Y/N,” Hyunjin says. “Why were you rushing earlier?”

“B-Because I feel like it.” You dumbly answer and Minho chuckles to himself quietly, knowing that you probably saw him coming ahead and that you were just as embarrassed as he was.

“Guess what?” Hyunjin asked.

“What?”

“Minho’s in the class, too!”

ring.

You looked down to your phone, seeing Jisung called. thank, God. “Look, Jisung called.” you said and you stood up from your seat, taking your phone with you as you exit the classroom and answered Jisung’s call.

Minho sighs in relief, still not ready to face you after the embarrassing happening.

When the professor enters the class, so did you. You put your phone to silent and started to pay attention to the professor in front.

“I want you guys to act out Romeo and Juliet by pair,” your professor started after the greeting. “Each pair would act out each scene. This class is for two hours, right? One hour for practice and the other half for presentation. Are we clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay, for the pairs,” Mrs. Kim started to announce and you weren’t paying attention, really. until your last name was called. “Y/L/N and Lee, act 1 scene 5.”

What? No, no, no, no, no. Lee? As in Lee Minho?

“Oh, wait. Sorry.” Mrs. Kim says. “There are two Lee’s in the class.”

Please, be Felix. Please, please, be Felix. You silently prayed, hands clutching against each other underneath your desk. You’d do anything—everything, just not do a project with Lee Minho, a guy you accidentally kissed and to make it even worse, on the lips. Although, wow, his lips were soft and gentle. Even if you didn’t realize it at first, his lips are soft. But it was—

“Y/L/N with Lee Minho.”

No! You look at your partner who was just a sit apart from you. He looks.. unaffected. Maybe you should be, too? I mean, it’s already been a week since it happened. But no, it was too embarrassing. Not only did you kiss the guy’s lips, but you also brought his book with you by accident. You bit your lip, holding everything in your power to not slam your head against your desk.

“Okay, go to your partners.” The professor announced. You sighed, standing up. You look to where Minho is, but he was already right in front of you.

Minho cleared his throat, his cheeks growing pinkish red. “H-Hi,” he mumbled as he stuttered all over and you wave, your cheeks growing red, too, knowing that if you speak, you will most likely embarrass yourself again. “You know what act 1 scene 5 is?” He asks. As time passed by, things got less awkward, the incident went at the back of your mind, not touching it anymore. By the time the teacher announced that it was time for the presentation, You and Minho were beyond ready.

“Your hand is like a holy place that my hand is unworthy to visit. If you’re offended by the touch of my hand, my two lips are standing here like blushing pilgrims, ready to make things better with a kiss.” Minho said with so much sincerity, goosebumps rising in your skin, feeling yourself freeze as you look at him in the eyes. He stared back as you felt yourself get lost into the galaxy of his eyes. It was then you realized, Lee Minho was more than just a college student who loves dancing. Yes, you had a crush on him since you first saw him, but it was only then you realized that maybe you always want to get lost in those galaxies in his eyes. Lee Minho is a happy person, a teasing one, they say. But when he gets to work, classes or dancing, he gets so passionate. Then suddenly, Minho takes your hand in his, giving the back of your palm a gentle kiss. You just hope Minho couldn’t feel your heart beating so fast.

But you didn’t know, Minho was feeling the same way as you are.

three. – kiss on the cheek

After the Romeo and Juliet presentation, Minho would always come with you and Hyunjin. Things got less awkward, no one brought up what happened the first day. It was lunchtime when you and the two boys met up from different classes. “I want to throw myself on the river, who wants to join?” You ask when you sit beside Hyunjin on the table. Minho and Hyunjin chuckled, smiling at you.

“What happened?” Minho asked.

“It’s just plainly tiring,” you answered, folding your arms on the table and resting your chin on your forearms as you pouted. Hyunjin rubs your back gently and you close your eyes.

“Hey, eat something,” Hyunjin said and you sigh.

“I’m fine, I’m free for the rest of the day anyway.” You said as you closed your eyes. Your phone rang and you stayed in your position, not moving one bit. Minho and Hyunjin know that you would most likely pick it up by the last ring. But no, the last ring came and you didn’t pick it up.

Hyunjin chuckles, fixing his things as he slung his bag over his shoulder. “I have to go,” Hyunjin says and you open your eyes, smiling at him. You pressed a finger to your lips and pressed it against Hyunjin’s cheek. Everyone who is close to you know that you have a habit on kissing them on the cheek whenever they would see you or go off. Hyunjin chuckles and runs a hand through your hair. “Bye, guys.”

“Bye,” you and minho said as Hyunjin walks off. Your phone rings again and this time you finally answer.

“Y/N, where are you?” Jisung asks through the phone and you could feel his pout.

“Cafeteria, why? Classes just finished.” You said as you looked around the cafeteria, thinking Jisung was probably around already. But instead, you hear Jisung huff.

“You said you’re gonna help me with the new track.” Jisung whined and your eyes widen. You totally forgot that you promised Jisung to help him.

“Oh, no. Jisung, I’m sorry. I’m on my way. Classes just finished and it was tiring.” You said with a pout. “I’ll bring something to eat, do you want anything?”

“Oh, Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d make you feel bad. I’m in my dorm, anything would be great though.” Jisung answers.

“Okay, Ji. I’ll be there soon, don’t worry. I’m so sorry.” You said.

“No! It’s okay, take your time. Bye.”

“See you.” You said and hang up, pouting. You sighed. standing up as you looked at Minho who was smiling at you. “Will you be okay being alone for now?” You asked and Minho nodded.

“Don’t worry, I can crash in my dorm. I don’t have class anymore, anyway.” Minho says and you pouted.

“I’m sorry, it’s just I promised Jisung a long time ago and—“

“Y/N,” Minho cuts you off with a giggle. “I can handle myself. Stop beating yourself up for it, okay?”

You sighed, nodding. You leant, forward, bending lightly to kiss his cheek. “Bye, Min.” You said as you ruffled his hair, walking off to Jisung’s dorm. Minho’s eyes followed you, heart pounding against his chest. He thought your friendship wasn’t on the level yet. Minho smiled. It was nice to kissed on the cheek by you once in awhile.

As for you, you were a blushing mess. It was the first time you did that and you probably got carried away. Ugh, you just wanted to press your lips against his lips and now, you got to kiss his cheek. You were just lucky you got to.

You entered Jisung’s dorm with a wide smile on your face, looking like a little girl that was given a lollipop by the doctor. “What’s that smile?” Jisung asks in a teasing manner and you shook your head, trying to suppress your lips. Jisung laughs as he pulls a chair beside him.

“Where’s the food?” Jisung asks and you make your way towards him.

“The what now?” You mumbled and Jisung raises an eyebrow.

“The food..?” Jisung says and you brush a hand through your hair, realizing you forgot that you haven’t had lunch yet and you were supposed to bring food.

You’re so hung up on Lee Minho, geez.

four. – kiss on the eyelid

The stress was finally getting into you. You hated it. Everyone hates it. But why does everyone have to dump everything to you? You’ve finally had enough of it; you were tired of being kind to everyone else and they don’t even do anything in return. A thank you would have sufficed, but no, they just got to be selfish. Did they even think that you need some time for yourself, too?

“Hey, Y/N,” you heard behind you, but you only lowered your head. Please, can someone just ignore you? You’re on the verge of letting your tears go and someone is still wanting to talk to you. You heard the person’s footsteps get nearer and nearer until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You closed your eyes, wiping the tears off. But the tears didn’t stop, it just continued to fall. “Y/N?”

Soon, you felt the hand turning you around and you looked away in hopes that they would not notice your tears. They grabbed you by your cheeks and softly, they turned your head towards them. Minho. “What happened?” He softly asks and you shook your head, your eyes avoiding his. Minho only pulled you in a hug and you wrapped your arms around his waist, crying your frustrations out. After a few minutes, you pulled away.

“Can you keep me company?” You ask him softly, almost mumbling and Minho does nothing but nod. You felt Minho gently dragging you somewhere, holding your hand tightly but still, you could feel the gentleness that he holds. Soon, you see that Minho has brought you to the rooftop. Minho places you in front of him and he could only watch you as you softly sob, wiping your tears with the back of your hands like a little girl.

Minho pulls your hands off your face and the tears still kept on streaming. You looked up at Minho with your red puffy eyes and he only sighs, feeling his heart shake as if it was going to shatter anytime soon at the sight. Minho wraps your arms around his waist and you comply, holding onto him as if your life depended on it—as if Minho was the only one who can hold you into pieces as you break. And at the looks of it, Minho really is the only one who can save you.

Minho cups your cheeks gently, thumbs wiping your cheeks but the tears still continued on streaming down your face. The sun was setting, the orange glow hit your face. You were so beautiful in Minho’s eyes even if you’re so broken as of now. Minho chuckles shakily, feeling his heart grow heavier as time pass by. “Hey,” he mumbles as he wipes your tears off. “Stop crying now, you look so ugly, I don’t even know who you are anymore.” Minho teases lightly, trying to lighten up the mood but you don’t stop. You only closed your eyes, shaking your head as a way to get your tears to stop. Then, you softly chuckle through the tears, lips pressing into a think line as you breathe in shakily.

Minho tilts your head, eyes closing as he places a soft delicate kiss on your eyelid. He doesn’t pull away, staying at that position for as long he feels he needs to. It was just a soft kiss, but it meant everything to you. It was Minho’s way of silently saying that he will always be with you, through your sunny, cloudy and stormy days. Always.

five. – kiss on the forehead

“Minho!” You excitedly call as you see him ahead of the hallway. The said boy turns to you, a smile coming up to his face as he sees you. You run to him, tackling him in a hug. Minho stumbles a bit backwards, but he still wraps his arms around your waist.

“Y/N, we’ve seen each other an hour ago. Did you really miss me that much?” Minho says in a teasing manner and you lightly slap his chest. You pull away, holding him at arm length.

“Minho.” You say with so much enthusiast making Minho’s heart skip a beat at how cute you are.

“Y/N.” Minho mimics and you giggle.

“Guess what?” You asked and Minho looks up, an eyebrow raised with a small smile on his lips as if he was thinking.

“Um, you’re exempted for exams?” Minho asks and you scoffed, but the smile never left your lips.

“I wish!” You said and shook you head. "I got offered for an internship for a month to work in their studio.” You said excitingly and Minho’s eyes widen. Then, slowly, a smile comes up in Minho’s face.

“Really?” Minho asks and you nod. “Where?”

“JYPE.” You said and Minho lets out a breathy laugh, grabbing your arms as he pulled you in his chest. He hugs you tightly to the point you couldn’t even hug back anymore. “Minho.. can’t.. breathe.” Minho pulls away, cupping your cheeks as he smiles widely.

“See, I told you! Something great was along the way.” Minho says and you smile, wrapping your arms around his waist. You sigh jokingly, followed by rolling your eyes.

“Okay, fine. You’re always right.” You said and Minho giggles, tilting your head lightly to kiss your forehead. A short kiss, but it felt like it was everything. Minho was the first to know, you just have this inkling feeling that Minho should be the first to know since he was always there for you. Minho suddenly turned from being the guy you’re embarrassed to face to the one you trusted the most. “Thank you for always being there, Min.”

“Always.”

six. – kiss on the temple

You frown as you seated yourself on the usual table you and Minho would sit. You’re stubborn, everyone knows that. But you may kind of know and finally admitted to yourself that the fight between you and Minho had was actually your fault. Okay, but in your defense you were shit tired, stressed and close to having a breakdown… which is why Minho gently asked you to take a break and rest for a bit, which caused you to pick a fight with him and shout at him for being annoying when he was just being nice enough to look after you.

You sighed, placing your hands on your hair as you ruffled your hair. You look at the table, pouting as you finally admitted that it’s your fault and maybe you should reach out first… not the other way around. You were stubborn.

But what you didn’t know was Minho was trying to reach out as well, but he kept convincing himself that it was your fault and you should be first. But then again, it was not you, it was the stress and sleep deprivation that yelled at him. But no, you should be the first.

You stood up from your seat, going to the locker hall, knowing Minho was there at this time to fix his things to get ready for his next lesson. When you arrived, you immediately spotted Minho’s head and walked your way to him. But you were quickly pulled back when you reached midway. You looked at the culprit who pulled you to see the guy in your batch, Myung. You sighed heavily, “What, Myung? I have to go.” You gritted, letting him know that you were annoyed as of the very moment, but he only smirked. He was honestly a jerk; he once confessed to you that he likes you by telling you to be his girlfriend, but of course, you don’t accept. He thought he was being cool, but no, never.

“We never talk anymore, darling.” He said with a cocky smile.

“I’m busy.” You said as you tried to pull away, but his grip tightened. “Myung, what the hell?” You said as you tried to pull away. You always knew how to stand up for yourself and this is not going to be an exception.

“Come on, Y/N. One date.” He says and you glare at him, eyes full of hatred for him.

“No.” You firmly said.

“Come on, just one date. That’s all I ask for.”

“Ask?” You scoffed. “More like force.”

“You don’t want—“

“She said no, didn’t she?” Minho’s voice boomed through the hall and it was when you realized everyone’s eyes were on you and Myung. Minho came forward, grabbing Myung’s wrist to pull his grip off of you, swatting it away. Minho grabbed your wrist, pulling you behind him. Minho’s thumb massaged your wrist as he glared at Myung. Minho’s touch was the opposite of Myung. Minho was much gentle like I always say. Even when he clutches his hand into yours, there’s still a drop of gentleness that let’s you know the person who’s holding you is Lee Minho.

“Why do you care? It’s not like she’s your girlfriend.” Myung spatted.

“And that’s none of your business. Learn how to respect women, you sick bastard.” Minho spats and your free hand shoots out to grab his other hand, signaling him to calm down. You felt it, Minho is about to jump and throw a fist, but when he felt you hold him, he visibly relaxes, calming his nerves down for you. “Never come near her.”

Minho leaves, pulling you with him as he brought you far from there, to a corner where not everyone could see. Minho frowns, anger fading as he looked at you. What would he do if he wasn’t there? Big luck, he was. “Are you okay? Did he do anything? Did he hurt you?” Minho asks and you shook your head, pulling him in an embrace, arms around his shoulders. Minho sighs, wrapping his own arms around your waist.

“I’m sorry.” You said. “I shouldn’t have shouted at you and be a bitch. It will never happen again, I promise.”

Minho tightens his hold on you, letting you know that he has forgiven you. He turns his head to the side, lips reaching for your temple as he kisses you. “It’s okay.” Minho mumbles, pulling away as his hands place themselves on your shoulders, holding you at arm-length. “You sure he didn’t do anything?”

“I promise, Minho.” You said. “Besides, he knows better than have the whole university watch him be the sick bastard that he is.” Minho sighs, nodding as he places a kiss on your temple once again. “I missed you.”

You did. You really did. Minho was the only one who could get you through your darkest days. He promised you, even on the sunny days. But it was proven that your true darkest days were the days that Minho isn’t beside you. And you’re never gonna let that happen again even if it was just a fight.

“I missed you, too.” Minho breathed, embracing you as he attaches his lips against your temple.

seven. – random kisses out of nowhere

“Y/N? I’m outside of the room, come out.” Jisung says the moment you picked the call up. You were feeling really happy about this particular day. So, with a big smile on your face you walked to the window of the room, sliding it open and popping your head out, not following Jisung’s instruction. You looked at the side to see Jisung with Hyunjin, in front of the classroom next to yours. Wow. In front of your room, huh. But you didn’t roll your eyes as you feel really giddy about today. Jisung and Hyunjin see you and you waved at them enthusiastically, your phone still pressed against your ear. Then, a figure on your peripheral vision catches your attention. He always caught your attention.

Not waiting for Jisung and Hyunjin to wave back, you turned to the boy that caught your attention and smiled at him widely as he comes nearer and nearer.

“Hi!” You enthusiastically say and Minho giggles. Minho was walking with Chan to wherever. Minho smiles, coming towards you as he places a kiss on your nose. You scrunched your nose and Minho chuckles.

“I’ll see you at lunch, text me.” Minho says as he continues walking and you nod. You watch Minho’s back as he and Chan reaches the end, turning a corner to go downstairs. Fuck, you’re falling deeper and deeper for him everyday. You just hope the kisses he gives mean something just as much as they mean to you.

“Someone’s in love.” Jisung says in a sing-song matter and you realized you stil have your phone pressed against your ear. “I’ll see you at lunch, text me. Are you two dating already?” Hyunjin’s voice come in and you sigh, turning your gaze to them.

“Fuck you both.” You pouted and they laugh. You hang up the calling, going out of the room to go to your friends.

Everyone could see how hung up you are, Y/N.

You held your hand on the open, feeling the raindrops hit your palm. You look up at the sky, pouting. Out of all the time it could rain, why did it have to be right now when you don’t have your umbrella with you? You just wanted to have your carton of banana milk since you were craving for it. You held the banana milk with both hands, tucking it under chin as you watched the rain fall, waiting for it to stop. It was nearing midterms; you can’t afford to be sick.

All hope came back when you saw Minho across the road, in the building of your dorm as he opens an umbrella. He comes out in the open, an umbrella protecting him from the rain as he made his way to you. When he reaches you, you look at him and he stares back at you until he breaks into a fit of giggles. “You’re so lucky I saw you from there.” Minho said, pointing at the second floor of the building. “You should’ve texted me or something.”

“I didn’t bring my phone.” You said and Minho chuckles. “Plus, you didn’t have to.”

“You really think I would let you just watch the sky, wait for the rain to stop?” Minho asks. “You look like you were glaring at the sky, telling the rain to stop.” You look so fucking cute. Minho wanted to add, but decided against it.

You huffed and Minho giggles, leaning forward to kiss the side of your head. “Come on.” Minho says as he wraps an arm around you, holding the umbrella in between the two of you. By instinct, you wrap one arm behind his waist.

Wrong. He shouldn’t have wrapped an arm around you, he should’ve just transferred the umbrella to the other hand. Due to this position, Minho wants to just kiss your head and never pull away. You don’t feel his heartbeat, do you?

When you both reached the building, you pulled away from Minho and faced him as he closes the umbrella after shaking some raindrops off of it. “Thanks, Minho.” You said with a pout, handing your banana milk out. “Here, have it.”

Minho chuckles, pushing it back to you. “It’s fine, Y/N. You’d the same for me, anyway.” Minho says and you nod, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. You pull away, a big grin on your face.

“You know I would.”

eight. – kiss on the knuckles

Minho had a showcase and of course, you were there to watch to support him. You expected him to be the best as always. You expected him to give out his all. What you didn’t expect was for Minho to fall on the ground in the middle of his number. You were quick on your feet, the curtains closed and you immediately ran to the stage. Turns out, he was too exhausted from rehearsals. It’s been a week since it happened and some people just can’t let go of what happened. But Minho ignored them but you never knew about it.

You were in your locker getting the things that are needed when you hear a girl beside your locker. “Yeah?” She said with an annoying giggle. “I heard that Lee Minho guy purposely fell on stage to get attention, so everyone would pity him. Apparently, he works hard enough like up until midnight yet he never gets the recognition he ‘deserves’.”

You slam your locker door harshly and you saw the girl flinch in your peripheral vision. You turned to her, shoulder leaning against your locker and smile at her with fakeness. “What an interesting theory,” You said. “But I’m sorry to tell you that Minho would never do something like that for what is so called attention. You don’t know Minho so I suggest you stop the bullshit that you’re spreading about him before you regret it.”

She scoffs. “What are you, Y/N? Minho’s little friend? Minho’s just using you for attention. You have connections, after all.” She says.

“He’s not the type to use someone for his own interest.” You said. “Don’t judge the person because you are nowhere near as good as he is.”

“How sure are you?” She says, her eyebrows raised.

You simply stood straightly, crossing your arms across your chest. “Simple, he’s not you.” You say and the girl slaps you across the face. Let’s just say you had a pretty intense fight leaving you with a scratch on your arm because of her long sharp nails, a bruise on the side of your stomach and pretty much bruised knuckles. Her state was way worse than yours.

You were in your locker, fixing your things gently as your hand hurts. You were putting things inside your bag when someone grabbed your arm and turns you around. You hiss, the pain stinging as the person grab you where the girl scratched you. “Shit, that hurts.” You say and the hand pulls back. You look up, seeing Minho with a worried expression. He looks at you then to the arm where he grabbed you. He grabs your bag from you, putting it on the ground and pulling your denim jacket off. He sees the large 3 lines of scratches. You covered it up, pulling your jacket back and turning around to your locker.

“What the hell got into you, Y/N? You were never the type to hurt someone.” Minho asks and you shrugged.

“She hit me first, I just gave her what she wanted.” You dryly said and you heard Minho sigh.

Minho’s shoulder slumped and grabbed you gently on your uninjured arm. He turns you around and you avoid his eyes. “What did truly happen, Y/N?” Minho asks. “All I know is you got into a fist fight and since you’re not the type to hurt someone, you must have a reason.” Minho says and you still avoided his eyes, looking at the ground.

“That’s it. She hit me first and I just gave her what she wanted.” You repeated and Minho sighs, taking your hands but you pulled the other that hurts. Minho sighs, looking at it. He grabs your bag, closing your locker and gently pulling you with him. “Come on, let’s go to your dorm.”

On the way to your dorm, you were silent the whole time, Minho worrying. When you both arrived at your dorm, you immediately went to your bed while Minho went to where you keep your first aid kit. Minho lightly tugged on your jacket and you removed it, letting him mend the scratch on your arm. “Still waiting for the real reason,” Minho says as he puts some ointment on your scratch. When he’s done, he takes your bruised knuckles and cleans them. “Come on, Y/N. Why did you? You know you can trust me.” Minho says and you still ignored him. Minho sighs, wrapping your hand with a bandage. “Other injuries?” Minho asks.

“I’ll clean it.” You mumble, taking the cloth from Minho’s hand, but he pulls away.

“Not until you say why you did it.” Minho says and you sigh, standing up. You kept silent, trying to take the cloth from him but he wouldn’t budge. “Come on, Y/N, just tell me why.” Minho says and wraps his arms around your waist. You hiss, unwrapping Minho’s arms from you. Minho frowns, lifting your shirt up lightly to show the bruise. He cleans it and your one hand finds its way on Minho’s hair, brushing it up. Then trails down to his cheek. Minho snuggles his face with your hand and you looked at him with pure sadness. “Come on, Y/N, why?” How could someone think so lowly of him? All he ever did was try to make everyone happy around him.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Minho.” You mumble as you pull away and go around your dorm, looking for things to find. You settled on your small bookshelf, pretending to look for a book.

“Lies. You just don’t want me to know why it happened.” Minho said and he stands up to walk over to you. “C’mon, Y/N, why?” Minho says as he stays behind you. “What happened? I refuse to believe that you violently ruined her face just because she hit you first.” Minho says and you sigh. “I’m going to bother you all day, Y/N. You know how I am.”

“Fine! She was talking shit about you and I confronted her about it, saying something stupid and then she slapped me then I beat the hell out of her.” You say as you turned to Minho. “Happy now that you know?”

Minho’s face fell and you sigh. “What did she say? What exactly happened?” Minho asks.

“I was fixing my locker and our lockers were right beside each other’s. I heard her talking shit about you—“

“What exactly is the shit?” Minho cuts you off.

You bit your lip and sigh. “You purposely fell on stage to let everyone know how hardworking you are but never got the recognition you deserve.” You said and Minho looks down. “I told her that you’re not that kind of person, she said that you’re just using me because I have connections and then I said you’re not and when she asked how sure am I, I said because you’re not her.” Minho’s gaze went to you and you sighed. “I’m sorry, I went all over the place when she said that.”

“But it isn’t really true, right?” Minho says. “People only get mad when they are being confronted of what is true and they don’t really like admitting it.”

“Minho,” you say. “I can’t handle it when someone talks shit about you. You don’t deserve it, they’re just jealous of you.”

Minho gently grabs your hands and smiles at you. “Thank you, Y/N. But getting into trouble wasn’t really necessary.” He says and you nod. “Next time, okay? Ignore them, their ugly faces don’t deserve your pretty knuckles.”

You laugh and Minho lifts the injured fist, bringing it up to his lips to press a kiss to it.

nine. – confession kiss

“Why are we here?” You softly asked as Minho brought you at the rooftop—where Minho had silently promised you that he will always be there for you. Minho only smiled at you, but you could see the nervousness in him. Then, you suddenly chuckled. “Did you know the first time I went here was when you brought me here?”

Minho’s head was quick to snap towards your way as if sirens grew in his head. “Really?” He asks and you nod. You look down, palms on your jeans wiping the non-existent sweat against the denim cloth. You just suddenly felt nervous. Why did Minho even bring you here?

“So, why did you bring me here?” You asked, looking up at Minho who was staring at you with such admiration in his eyes. And that was honestly your favorite part in him; his eyes. The galaxies in his eyes that you always wanted to get lost in—that you’re willing to get lost in. You just want to dive into full of Lee Minho, honestly. Everyone could notice that everytime he would look at you his eyes would shine a little bit more than they usually do. But you don’t know that.

And maybe, it’s time for Minho to let you know that.

“This could be really cheesy and corny,” Minho says and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Remember when we bump into each other and we accidentally kissed?”

You laughed. Minho’s heart flipped.

You covered your mouth with a hand as you remembered how it exactly happened. This was the first time it was brought up. For being friends for almost a year and you two never talked about it. “Of course! I couldn’t face you until Mrs. Kim partnered us up.” You said and Minho could see how your eyes lit up almost brighter than the sun. Minho giggled himself, easing his nerves lightly. “But anyway, go on.”

Minho smiled as you urged him, taking your hands in his. “We’ll be friends no matter what, right?” Minho asks, worry dawning his face as scenarios of you rejecting him flashed in his mind. Minho shook your hands lightly as a way to cover up his worried state. If only Minho knew how hung up you are to him.

You frowned. “Minho, we’re best friends, I could never leave you. I can’t even function properly without you even if for just a moment.” You said as you squeezed his hands to ease him. Minho’s eyes trail down on your hands and he breathes in.

“Promise?” Minho asks and you nod.

“Promise.” You said. “Come on, this us. What wrong could happen?”

Minho nods, looking into your eyes and you smile at him. “This could be very sudden to you,” Minho starts and you listen intently as he starts. You could literally see how nervous he was, so you squeezed his hands to encourage him. “Um, I like you, Y/N.”

You felt heart skip a beat. Minho? He likes you? The guy you accidentally kissed almost a year ago.

You felt Minho’s grip tighten, but still, ever gently. “I’m not pressuring you into liking me, I just.. want you to know that I like you a lot, but if you give me a shot, it would be very nice—you won’t regret it, I promise. But again, I’m not pressuring you.” Minho blurted out.

The speech that Minho prepared for a week, it was now forgotten. All he wants to do is for you to know how much he likes you. And he likes you a lot. He’s been kissing you for almost a whole year, but he wants to do it because you’re dating—not simply because he’s friends with you, because honestly, friends don’t do that. Whenever you kiss your other friends, like take Hyunjin as an example, you only bump cheeks with him, but with Minho? It feels natural kissing him. What more if you can kiss him on the lips once again, but this time not accidentally.

“Y/N?” Minho snaps you out of your thoughts as he called you. He was nervous, very nervous and you could see it right through him.

“Y-You do?” You stutter.

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” Minho asks, chewing on his lower lip as he looks at you.

“No,” you said, then you smiled. “Because it would be a real shame if this is just a prank considering I like you, too.”

Minho’s jaw drops and you giggle at his reaction. “W-What?” Minho says with a wide smile, a chuckle escaping his lips. Minho felt as if he’s in cloud 9, he felt so happy. You like him, too! It was as if he hit jackpot. “You like me, too.” Minho breathed out and you laughed, pulling your hands off and wrapping your arms around his torso.

“I do, Minho. Like, a whole lot.” You said as you rested your nose on his shoulder. Minho smiles widely, cheeks hurting but he could care less, you like him. Minho wraps his arms around you, his jaw resting on the side of your head. “I thought I was being obvious! I like you way before our encounter.”

“Oh?” Minho lightly pulls away, smirking at you as he teases you. Minho giggled, kissing your forehead. Then, he moves his hands, cupping your cheeks as he looks down at you. Minho’s gaze was on your eyes, momentarily looking on your lips. And so were your eyes, it kept trailing back on his lips, remembering how soft it was when you accidentally did. Minho could probably feel how excited you are to finally feels those soft gentle lips against yours.

Simply because it was what he was thinking of, as well.

“Can I kiss you?” Minho asks you and you nod, looking into his eyes, feeling yourself get lost into those galaxies that he has like you always would. Minho leans closer, eyes trailing back and forth into your eyes and lips. You close your eyes, Minho sighing as he took in your beauty.

But Lee Minho is a big tease.

When his breath finally mingled with yours, Minho smiled, kissing the corner of your mouth. He pulls away, hands sliding down to your arms as you opened your eyes. “What?” You asked, pouting.

“I never said I’ll kiss you on the lips.” Minho says and your jaw drops. Unbelievable. But still, you found yourself laughing. Minho kisses your nose. “Let’s go on a date.”

“You’re such a big tease, Lee Minho!”

“Honey, am I even Lee Minho if I wasn’t a big tease?”

“You looked like you were gonna shit your pants when you were confessing to me, Lee Minho.”

“It just means that Lee Minho is so whipped for you, Y/L/N Y/N.”

ten. – “i love you.”

Minho knocks on your door on a Saturday morning. He was still in his pajamas, but he wanted to spend as much time with you since you’re both seniors in college already, meaning more work has been loaded. This is honestly the first time Minho will be seeing you in this week. Minho hasn’t even had a bath yet, he only brushed his teeth and get his wallet, keys and phone and now, he’s here. Minho figured you were still sleeping so he fumbled with his keys, looking for yours since you both exchanged spare keys of your dorms (Luckily, you two didn’t have a roommate, why not just move together?). He slides the key into the hole of the doorknob, unlocking it as he pushed the door open. He closed the door behind him when he stepped inside and a big smile graces his lips as he sees you in the bathroom, brushing your teeth with your eyes closed. You were drawing circles around your teeth with your toothbrush in a very slow motion. Your hair pulled up in a messy bun, still in your pajamas just like Minho and in his big white shirt.

Minho makes his way to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and you jump lightly, opening your eyes. Minho rests his chin on your shoulder as he looks at the two of you through the mirror in front of you. You leant your head against his, free hand running back and forth on his forearm. Minho smiles, kissing your cheek and you giggle, patting Minho’s cheek with your hand. You really are such a perfect fit for each other. You finished brushing your teeth, cleaning your mouth and brush. You put it away neatly and turned around to face Minho with a wide smile, but Minho could see that you’re still sleepy. It made you a lot cuter in his opinion.

“Minho,” you softly said and he hums with a smile. “I just brushed my teeth, can I get the kiss now?” Minho laughs and you pouted, but a giggle escapes your lips as you looked at how happy Minho is. You were delighted to know that you’re the one who makes Minho happy.

“Fine.” Minho says and your eyes light up. Is this it? You’re finally getting the kiss on the lips?

You were excited, but you were proven wrong when Minho leans in to kiss the same spot he kissed 3 months ago when he confessed to you. Everyday you would try to pry Minho in giving you a kiss on your lips, but he would always just kiss the corner of your mouth, saying that he wants your actual first kiss together to be really meaningful. But when?

“Just the teaser, though.” Minho says with a wink and you pouted, whining. Minho kisses your nose, smiling as he grabs your hand to pull you out of the bathroom. “C’mon, let’s go have coffee.” You smiled as he pulls you with him. You’ve never felt so happy in your life. Your chest was so full of Minho that you feel like you’re going to burst any minute now. You know it in yourself, this is getting deeper and deeper, but you’re willing to fall deeper into Lee Minho. After all, he’s all you wanted from the very start.

Minho started to make your coffee, knowing you’re still sleepy to do that. You were just so thankful Minho is there. It’s been a year and not once did Minho break his promise on being there by your side at your happiest, neutral and saddest days, even when fights occur, he’s still there. You sigh, wrapping your arms around his waist, head resting on his back. You feel Minho give your hand a pat or two. “Still sleepy, bub?” Minho asks and you nodded. You tiptoed, placing a kiss on Minho’s shoulder. Even if Minho was small, he still managed to be a lot taller than you are. Minho turns around, wrapping his arms around your waist as he lifted you. You wrap your arms around his shoulders before wrapping your legs around his waist. Minho carried you like a teddy bear and went over to your bed, laying down with you above him. You giggle and Minho smiles, arms tightening around you as if he was scared that you’re going to leave him. I doubt you would. “We’re tired college kids,” Minho mumbles. “Let’s sleep some more.”

You hid your face in Minho’s neck, closing your eyes. You peck his neck the same time you felt a peck on your ear. You sigh in content, snuggling further into Minho as you were impossibly closer with Minho than before. Sleeps with Minho is the safest you feel. Actually, being around Minho is the safest that you feel. Minho’s presence would always be enough for you. You were just so happy with Minho. All the stress, the tiredness? Just a Minho in front of you and you’re okay.

Clock strikes 1 and you flutter your eyes open, feeling satisfied on your sleep. Minho’s hand plays with your hair as the other was on your arm, rubbing it in a soothing manner. You sighed, kissing his jaw as lifted yourself off of him and sitting up. Minho whines, latching hand around your wrist to pull you back. “We have to have lunch, baby.” You said with a smile.

“I already ordered takeout, it’s gonna be here in 15 minutes.” Minho says with a smile. Sigh, seriously, what were you gonna do without Minho?

And just like Minho said, the takeout arrived after 15 minutes and you both ate while talking about what’s currently happening in college. Everytime Minho laughs, you would feel a tug on your heartstrings. You can never get enough of Lee Minho.

After eating, you both disposed your trash and cleaned up a bit. 3 pm and you both settled in your bed again, putting your laptop in front of the two of you as you play a random movie. You both sat on your bed, legs tangled together with your arms wrapped around his waist. His one arm behind your shoulders, hand playing with your hair and the other on your forearm, running back and forth, backs leant against your bedhead.

You tugged on his shirt, a smile coming up to your face. Minho looks down to you as he continued playing with your hair. “Remember how you got your book back from Hyunjin? The same day we were embarrassingly partnered up for Romeo and Juliet? Hyunjin was so confused—“

A smile comes up in Minho’s face, how far have you both come? From accidentally kissing each other to a project that requires a kiss on the hand to random kisses that eventually built up the relationship between the two of you. Minho was happy. It was kind of messy, but hey, it’s you and him. Who would’ve thought from not having any chance to talk to each other led to something that Minho has grown attached to? Certainly not Minho.

Minho could still remember how fast his heart kept on beating when he kissed your palm in Mrs. Kim’s class. He could still remember how he realized he likes you. He could still remember how happy he was when you told him you like him back. He still remembers everything. How could he not when his heart feels so heavy but light at the same time with so much love for you? He wanted to be the one to make you happy just like the way that you make him happy.

“And then Jisung suddenly kept asking me why—“

“I love you, Y/N.” Minho blurts out. His eyes don’t go wide; he doesn’t get surprised at how he suddenly blurted it out. He knew he was going to confess to you once more and it seems like it’s right now. He doesn’t even have the slightest nerve that tugs on his stomach that makes him worried that you would reject him.

You cut your story off, looking at Minho. There it was again, the galaxies in eyes. But this time, it shone brighter than they usually would. Minho looks at you with pure admiration and you realized how you both maintained such a happy and healthy relationship. You love Minho just as much as he loves you and you both never failed to show that to each other.

No words, just action for a response.

You pressed your lips against his, closing your eyes and Minho immediately responds into the kiss, not wasting anymore time as he pulls you impossibly closer. Now, you understood when Minho said he was looking for the right timing, wanting your first real kiss to be as meaningful as it is. And this was just perfect.

“I love you, too.”

the power of: going through it. rawr see you in my next fic, i hope you like it! uwu

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yntcdtyler · 5 years

Text

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

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kaori-flowers · 3 years

Text

Heylow! I want to start off by saying everyone in this fandom has such unquie and beautiful art/writing styles. I'm so grateful to have found and joined this fandom. You all are very splendid and understanding people. So thank you for being you 💜

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Secondly I really want to apologize for the lack of writing and activity. When I first made this account I was just figuring this out, and as I grew I became pretty active and posted a good amount. And I used to write stories and little shorts all the time. But unfortunately......

I have stopped.

I don't write as much anymore, which means I don't post that often anymore either. It's not because I dont WANT to, but it's more on the lines that I mentally can't. I mean I technically could but it'd be forcing myself which means it would turn out to be absolute shit. Horrible. Something monstrous.

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The thing with my writing is that it feels like I kinda HAVE to do it now. It feels like a chore more than a hobby lately, and that's caused me to put off writing constantly. I mean yeah I like writing in general, but I post writings and share them with my friends all the time. So while I'm doing that it's putting in my head

"Oh i have to keep doing this or people will be unhappy. Or they will forget about me and stop talking to me."

And its hard. It's really really hard to write when I have that type of mindset bc it feels like I absolutely HAVE to. Which is irritating and overwhelming bc if I write something that's not good then I'll delete it and start over again. The more I delete and start over the more my motivation wears down for writing.

That ranboo prompt I posted like yesterday or the day before? Yeah i cant remember when but I rewrote that fucking SIX times before finally giving up on that one and just posting it.....

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And honestly idk why, but I've been going through such a tough time mentally. I can't see anything that's wrong and my mind isn't telling me what's wrong either. Its just beating me down and hurting me with no explanations what so ever. I don't fucking understand. Literally all I know is that I hurt. I hurt badly. That's all I know.

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I'm sorry for a more serious post where I rant and complain and cry out some of my problems. I feel like I had to get it out there tbh. Who knows I might not be alone, feeling this way. Or maybe I am....

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From one stranger to another I want you all to know how proud I am of you. You have come so far and you are still going. You're beautiful. You're powerful. You got this.

♡

I also want you to know that drinking water and eating food is extremely important. Please be safe and take care of yourself. You are so valid and important.

#mcyt fandom #mcyt #dream mcyt #dream smp #little rant about my thoughts and feelings #feelings #mental breakdown #mental instability #im really sorry about this #sorry guys #sorry #sorry for being depressing

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aqvarius · 4 years

Note

I hope the rmd mc for kasumi is a bit different cuz she rly be hittin on my last nerve and I don’t think she would rly v✨i✨b✨e with kasumi in her current given state

i’ve decided i need to play matsunaga and cc before getting a better sense of the eicu guys but honestly some of these recent asks feel like my own brain jumped out of my head and started sending me anon asks lmao bc i totally agree. anyway i know it’s a controversial opinion to not like the rmd mc and i’m TRYING to be fair and put aside my bias against her and try to analyse what exactly it is that i don’t like, but yeah i just don’t really find that she has romantic chemistry with the characters (that i’ve read, i.e. takado and hosho). not that anyone ever asked for this, buuuuuut this ask has basically triggered yet another mc rant so stop reading here or get ready and settle down with some popcorn lmao.

DISCLAIMER: this is all just my personal opinion! and i’m sure many of you will disagree with me. please place a “i think/believe/feel” before every claim i make as everything i say here is just my own feeling towards her. i also need to disclaim that i have only properly read takado and hosho’s routes (bc i’m still...mad at sen’s route, and i’ve only made it through one chapter of matsunaga so far) and i understand (and fully subscribe to) the idea that mcs read differently depending on the route as well. and as always, please don’t let my opinions affect your own enjoyment of any characters or titles that you love!

ALSO as i was writing this, i went back and read my previous rant about her and i realised that i’m more or less reiterating the same points i made there but in a (hopefully) more structured and slightly more developed manner whoops.

so here’s almost 3000 words and a whole bunch of screenshots under the cut because i don’t want to spam everyone’s dashboards with my unprompted Opinions(tm).

so anyway i’ve been thinking it’s a translation/tone thing. when i have the time/energy, i might sit down and really try to analyse the actual language, but just going off my intuition, i think maybe it’s because:

1. sometimes they choose to express something idiomatically and so that tone doesn’t come across as sincere. this isn’t a real example, but let’s think about the difference in tone between “oh no!” and “yikes”. because of modern day vernacular, we kind of associate “yikes” with a sarcastic and judgmental tone, whereas “oh no!” might connote a more genuinely concerned reaction. so sometimes i think that the use of very contemporary vernacular (which, lbr, trends towards a more sarcastic tone in general bc us gen z kids are mean) results in a lack of sincerity which makes the mc come across as a little more callous and less... actually kind and nice? i did get the feeling that hlitf mc has recently swayed towards this sort of tone as well and suspected that they had the same translator (which was confirmed later in a voltage Q&A). i’m definitely #biased but i can forgive this more because we had a good amount of content with her being adorable before the tone switch so i have a pre-established impression of her in my mind.

by the way, i just want to say that while i do have this critique, i do really admire and respect the voltage translation and localisation team (and am... super indebted to them) and i do think they do fantastic translations generally.

anyway, i believe this linguistic issue is at least partially responsible for my personal perception of the rmd mc’s personality that i expand on in the succeeding points, but my next point has more to do with the writing and characterisation of the most recent wave of mcs.

2. rmd mc has very few visible vulnerabilities. i think this is one of my biggest qualms with the new title mcs like rmd, destind and mk but i think stories are at their best when you get to see the mc fail and be vulnerable and wallow. the reason why i love certain mcs - particularly the ones whose titles and storylines centre around their careers (hlitf, irresistible mistakes, my last first kiss, scandal, celebrity darling, kiss of revenge, sleepless, otbs, arguably msb, etc.) - is because we get to see them fail and then grow. not only that, but you often get to see the relationship between the mc and the love interest deepen in these moments. but if you have a ‘perfect’ mc, then there’s no room for growth, so plotlines are forced to fall back on drama and trauma on the love interest’s side which... is exactly what rmd and mk do.

this is not to say that rmd mc doesn’t make mistakes, because she certainly does, but i don’t find that they’re ever genuinely serious mistakes. for example, think about hlitf mc’s repeated mistake in season 1 of going after small crimes without seeing the bigger picture and thus potentially messing up an entire investigation. they allow her that space to mess up and be completely wrong for public safety. then they give her the time to be self-reflective and run away back to nagano really think about what her mistakes are, and where to go from there. she is confronted with humbling failure, and is forced to address issues about her own pride/ego, and matures into someone who has a more nuanced idea about justice. on the other hand, rmd mc never has to (consistently, afaik) go through a genuinely humbling experience, so she her pride/ego/arrogance never gets seriously called into question. maybe this is because the premise of rmd has to do with life and death and they don’t want to make it seem like she’s directly responsible for someone’s death, but hlitf also deals with life and death issues and the mc learns that if she messes up to save one civilian, she may actually be jeopardising the lives of tens or hundreds or more.

anyway, taking takado’s route as an example, because this was our exposure to her as a character, the most frustrating thing is the way that she tries to lecture takado that he’s wrong about his attitude towards amputations, and never actually has to personally experience the potentially disastrous consequence of putting her ideology into practice. i think i would have enjoyed the route a lot more if she had gone over his head and naively made the decision not to do an amputation and then the person ended up dying or having to have a larger section amputated all because she was like uwu we can’t just cut off people’s limbs without waiting. i think if that situation had happened, we could have seen her actually have to confront her own naiveté and realise that she’s a noob and too idealistic and that reading a lot of medical journals does not translate to having actual field experience and intuition and who is she to question him like that when she knows nothing. she only realises that omg... we may have to consider some things with something called nuance... basically when more of takado’s backstory is revealed.

(maybe this is because i work in academia so it extra-frustrates me, but omg if i had to one-on-one mentor a student like her, i would genuinely go nuts. she reminds me of some students that some colleagues and i have had where they “well, actually” at everything you say bc they read some stuff on reddit or twitter that has absolutely not been proven through practical application of, or research conducted through the lens of, their theory. like imagine i told my advisors “despite being experts in [their respective fields] and having written numerous very important books, you’re wrong because i don’t agree but i have never myself conducted proper research to counter that!!”)

basically i wish they treated takado’s route like kaga’s routes (bc lbr takado and kaga are maybe... the same person?). look at the self-reflection here:

and here:

she does get down on herself at times, but look at the way that she humbly accepts her mistakes. sometimes she wallows on her mistakes, as anyone would, but look at the way she examines her failures and turns that feeling of inadequacy into motivation to work harder and smarter.

by the way, these screenshots are from his ms1 and ms2 - so pretty early on - and we get to see her learn from these mistakes because she’s allowed to make them. we also get to learn more about kaga’s strictness and his kindness because of these mistakes.

i don’t know if the whole refusal to allow rmd mc to make significant errors is a response to readers who are like “omg.... why are voltage mcs so weak, why can’t they be perfect women who never get anything wrong” but ANYWAY i just feel like they never confront or address her hubris properly.

3. following on from point 2, i find her one-dimensional. i’ve mentioned this before in a rant, but i don’t find her to be a very deep character bc to me, she reads as mostly surface level sass. i said: “her dialogue with them often reads as like they put 100 points in “snark” and 0 points in any other personality trait” lmao. so she’s great in one-off screenshots where you can see her bite back with a very screenshottable one-liner, but i find it tiring to have 30 chapters of her just literally running her mouth. because of this constant tone that they keep giving her, i find it really difficult to see any emotional depth in her character. because she’s the perspective character, her internal dialogue is just as, if not more, important as the love interest’s external dialogue in terms of carrying the emotional weight of falling in love, and i just don’t understand how there’s any sense of two people falling in love and getting to know each other when every sentence out of her mouth is just sass. can you imagine you meet someone and you get to know them but never have any genuine conversations bc every line out of your mouth is sarcastic? like your date is opening up and telling you about some difficulties he’s going through (which i’m sure you all know is a very vulnerable and scary thing to do) and instead of being empathetic and kind and understanding, you’re just like “sucks to be you dude”. and instead of saying “you don’t need to carry everything on your shoulders”, you say “you’re STUBBORN and i’m RIGHT”. OF COURSE i’m being kind of hyperbolic here (not even that much tho, see screenshots below) but that’s basically the tone she constantly takes.

so when takado opens up about the rina thing, instead of being like “oh shit i’ve been judging him all this time and i’m genuinely sorry because i didn’t know a thing about you and yet i’ve been running my mouth”, she says “your head is as hard as a rock ya know?” and then KEEPS GOING.

where’s the empathy sis? where is it? i’m looking but i can’t find it.

EVEN TAKADO WAS LIKE “I WAS TRYING TO TALK SERIOUSLY ABOUT IT”

and then the writers just push off her rudeness as like “it’s okay it’s chill!! takado laughed about it afterwards and it made the issue sound insignificant!!” even tho it’s obviously an extremely traumatic thing? WHY does he even fall in love with her??? i don’t UNDERSTAND alsdkfjs she has NO FEELINGS!! i just want genuinely romantic moments... is that too much to ask... it’s called romance md...

once again, let’s compare that to hlitf mc, when she finds out about kaga’s trauma. literally the FIRST reaction she has is to consider his feelings.

without even hearing his side of the story, she defends him because she trusts him and immediately empathises with him and the first thing she does is try to understand him and where he’s coming from.

later on, when she hears him just dismissing things and playing callous, she actually cries on his behalf, which shocks him because he’s not used to people caring about him:

isn’t that a MASSIVE difference in reaction to essentially the same character opening up about their trauma? which do you find more conducive to developing emotional intimacy? in my opinion, it’s so much easier to fall in love with someone who supports you and has your back and trusts and believes in you and tries to understand you and can have a genuinely caring conversation with you when you need it. by the way, it’s not like kaga’s mc doesn’t sass him either! they have great bantery chemistry and she shit-talks him ALL THE TIME (a lot of the time under her breath and he’s like HUH? it’s great).

and yet... we still actively see her caring about him... instead of being like WHOOPS my tongue slipped, i can’t help that i’m naturally insubordinate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

by the way, i’m not trying to put the onus on female characters/heroines to be caring/empathetic/kind/loving. i’m putting the onus on ALL characters to be caring/empathetic/kind/loving in their own ways if we’re supposed to be convinced that they’re falling in romantic love. sure, kaga’s mc is exceptionally loving but kaga returns that love with his own ALL the time ;~~; anyway i’m gonna stop talking about them for now bc otherwise i would just completely derail and keep going on and on about them.

anyway, back to takado, i actually find him to be more caring and loving than his mc? i actually genuinely like takado as a character and i think that real life me and him would be great together so i’m like extra offended that he’s with her rather than ME??? i would treat him so much better.

i consider this lack of emotional depth to actually be a bigger hindrance on my enjoyment of the game than the lack of flaws thing. voltage’s recent wave of mcs with the love choice titles have been trending towards the ‘perfect woman’ type of mc, but while i have some Thoughts(tm) here and there about the other protagonists, none of them strike me as being as hard to get along with as rmd’s mc. so i’ve mentioned my issue with the masukisu mc’s weird moral boundaries (more an overall voltage issue that manifests the most strongly in her character), but i also do find that they don’t let her make big mistakes and they present her as this perfect superwoman figure with no weaknesses which like... unrelatable. but at least her banter is flirty banter and there’s a lot of chemistry there (even if it’s sometimes lacking emotional depth, as in some of kazuomi’s scenes - and that’s not her fault, that’s 100% on kazuomi lol). you can definitely understand why they’re attracted to each other at least, and you can definitely see real, deep love form between her and yuzuru the most. even though the masukisu mc is a ‘perfect woman’, the premise is designed to spark relationship conflict and the writing really helps us understand the emotional turmoil of falling in love with a target because of how much it lets the mc dwell on it. destind too basically has a perfect mc in terms of work/career, but they let her have her very glaring weaknesses and, once again, the premise forces her to address her shortcomings with regards to her idealistic view on soulmates/destiny and explores the head vs heart thing where she has to really examine her emotions and how they potentially come into conflict with her preconceptions of and preoccupation with numerical compatibility.

thinking about it objectively, i feel like takado’s mc and mlfk ayato’s mc have a couple of similarities in the way that they don’t realise they’re in love for the longest time (although obviously childhood friends to lovers provides a better context for not realising that love - same with my boi natsume), but there’s just something lovable about mlfk’s mc that i don’t see in rmd. without going too deeply into it bc (1) i’m tired and (2) i’ve been going on about this for WAY too long now, i think that comes back to tone or writing (and possibly translation) style. i think at some point, i might actually go and compare the language in the “omg am i in love...?” scenes between takado’s mc, ayato’s mc and natsume’s mc but uh... not tonight haha.

actually, at some point, i genuinely wondered if rmd mc was aromantic. i really just thought she did not experience romantic attraction because i literally got no sense of it through her internal monologue bc they kept pushing the whole like “i only relate to people’s ~aesthetics~” thing. and then i wondered how they were going to make an aromantic mc fall in romantic love...? because... it’s an otome game? (btw i’m not saying that aro people can’t enjoy otoge, i definitely know people who do! but there’s a big diff between someone playing an otoge vs someone being a character falling in romantic love in an otoge. but please call me out if i’m misunderstanding aromanticism!). anyway, long story short, rmd mc (takado’s especially) falling in love is absolutely unconvincing to me because i find her dialogue - both internal and external - rather unfeeling.

these three points (1. translation that favours colloquialism over communicating emotional tone; 2. characterisation of a hubristic mc who doesn’t need to overcome significant challenges; 3. lack of emotional depth and empathy/understanding) are basically why i don’t think that she has good romantic chemistry with the love interests in romance md that i’ve read so far. i also have some very petty personal gripes (sekai...........) but they’re not relevant to this particular topic and frankly just... really petty so i don’t want to get into them here.

so anyway, long story short: i agree that i don’t think she would really vibe with kasumi in her current given state. like, they could be friends, maybe.

#romance md: always on call #rmdaoc #munechika takado #i'm... afraid to tag this #but i must do it to keep my blog organised so i can come back and find this #her love in the force #hlitf #hyogo kaga #voltage inc #otome romance #love 365 #love choice #snow writes #meta #snow rants #that should be a new tag #voltage mc

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obeymematches · 4 years

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gumdopfairy matchup request~

Hello! May I request a matchup? Sorry if it is too long. ><

Synopsis: I come off as distant and awkward. I don’t talk much and if I do, I am agreeable and soft-spoken. I would say I am sensitive, transparent, emotional, understanding, curious, carefree, and clumsy. I am expressive and am not afraid to show my feelings, people would say I am an open book. I always cry at sad movies or scenes where you’re supposed to cry. I have 4 siblings and it’s fun but tiring at the same time, I’m the butt of every joke and am treated like the youngest. I also like to tease those I am very close with. I am expressive and (sometimes childish) with those I am very close to and agreeable with the general public. In a group work setting, I am diligent and reasonable when doing my job.

Habits/Interests/Dreams: I say ‘what the heck’ a lot, it’s a habit tbh. I rant when I am passionate. A dream of mine is to enjoy life with people I love, to travel, capture beautiful scenery and eat lots of sweets! I like learning about international cultures, languages and funky things like did you know smelling your own fart prevents Alzhimer’s disease because of hydrogen sulfide and egg-smells? LOL.

Travel, psychology, and society-related documentaries interests me. I am currently a (elementary) A2 level Korean, I want to study more of the language because I like Korean music and culture. The concept of time travel, multitudes of reality and isekai worlds intrigue and fascinate me, I like reading fictional stuff about it. I have good knowledge of geography. My siblings always tease me when the number 13 shows because…..I want to always avoid the number and really hate that number. I used to do judo in high school and I have a fascination with martial arts. :D

Likes/Dislikes: I like pastels, sunsets, flowers, photography, sweets, fried foods, skincare, sparkly stuff, lip gloss, memes, dad jokes and games.

I dislike it when people assume things about me like they know me (when they really don’t), condescending people, ignorance, waking up early and seafood. I like my freedom and want to be independent, and dislike it immensely being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I really don’t like listening to lectures (doesn’t everyone though?). I’m not academically inclined but I have decent grades. I really don’t like math and chemistry T_T

In depth: I am pretty sensitive when people criticize or judge me only if it’s constructive but if it is outright just to insult me than I will say something bc that upsets the heck outta me. Because I have such a big immediate family (there’s 7 of us) I am family-oriented so playing Obey Me really reminds me a lot of my family(esp siblings I have 4). In fact, I do get irritated easily and I am working on my short-temper. I am understanding and always try my best to not look at things just in my perspective but others as well. I am pessimistic in nature but I do genuinely want to see the good in people and in life. When thinking about my feelings and knowing the why I feel the way I do and how it affects others, you could say there is emotional intelligence. :)

My insecurity without a doubt is caring too much on what people think of me and how content I am with myself. I think this is because of me, my past “friends” who judged me so critically which had a negative effect on how I see myself. Because of that, I have very few friends. In fact, I don’t really have any. I kind of just lost my self of self and trust for people. And my insecurity with of how unrefined, incompetent or unlikable I am, I’ve been told a lot to “grow up” and “stop asking dumb questions.”

I want to be loved and not to be judged so harshly. Since I am slowly becoming an adult I have to discard my awkward, playful tendencies in front of others. Even though I have low self-esteem it bothers me when being told that I did something or said something, it discredits my character and what gives one the right to tell me what I did or said when I know myself more than them?

Relationships: I honestly never had a boyfriend or any real close, close friends but I have a very close sibling who I grew up since I was an infant and it’s my younger sister (only by 16 months). She is truly my best friend and sister. I tend to like who are confident but also cool, they’re not domineering. I also find myself liking those who are opposite from me. The airheadness in me juxtaposed with my partner’s grounded nature. I’m pretty reckless and clumsy myself so it’d make sense if someone is reasonable and well-coordinated which would balance us out. My pessimism balanced with his optimism and/or realism.

I can offer my close companionship, humor, someone to listen to your troubles/ranting, and someone you can have ramen with and have conversations about anything without having restraint. Someone who I can be free with. Someone who can accept my flaws and who can help me improve myself and I would do the same for them.

We can laugh together, spend time with each other, make each other cry, fight and be there for each other when we are feeling low. A best friend and a partner for life, someone who would not harshly constrain, judge or tear me down as an individual. Wow, I am crying writing this. I am so idealistic about what I want in my relationships mainly because I never had one but deep down, I don’t think it’s like that in real life.

Hobbies: otome games, learning Korean, pilates/ workout videos, eating, and bothering my siblings

My Fangirl self: I am a big fan of Avatar:The Last Airbender and One Punch Man (Genos is husbando material lol). I also really like Free and Haikyuu. Hot 2D men, babies, and puppies are my weaknesses. I read a lot of romance, isekai, and action webtoons/mangas and like watching it too.

Appearance wise, I’m 163 cm, and Asian so I have medium standard straight dark hair and I’m slim.

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Hey! Thank you for your request! Sorry for the wait!

It was pretty hard to decide who would be the best partner for you. I thought about Beelzebub or Leviathan. Because Levi is into animes, mangas and Asian culture, but Beel loves food and his siblings especially Belphie. Hope you like my decision, because I decided to choose Beelzebub!

Here is why:

I think it’s ideal for Beel to have a quite clumsy girl with him. I can imagine when you, for example, fall down on the stairs and he catch you! He would protect and take care of you. He would be right there for you when you can’t reach something!

He may look serious and mean, but actually he isn’t!

When you watch a sad movie or when someone judges you, he would try his best to make you feel happy again. Make you some food or maybe cuddle with you!

You mentioned that you are an open book which would make Beel understand you even more. Being transparent is very important if you want a healthy relationship!

He is very close to his brothers. He would do anything for them. His best friend is Belphegor, and I think it’s good because your best friend is your sibling too. Imagine all of you hanging out like a super big family!! I think Beel can get along with pretty much anyone.

Beel is very positive and rewarding so it would be ideal for you as there would be a balance.

Both of you loves to eat, it would be a great date to go eat something, or make food together. I’m sure he will share his food with you! (Especially if you share your food with him too) Trust me he knows the best places to get food from! Also when you travel, he is going to encourage you to try food you maybe wouldn’t otherwise!

He would think your “what the heck” habit is cute though. Imagine him smiling so cutely to hmself every time you say it! If you two hang out a lot he might start saying it a lot too!

Beel would love to hear your voice so talk to him about everything! You can trust him! He is not too talkative himself, so your tendencies to rant gives a good balance!

Moreover he would support you in everything! He is one of the most supporting brothers!

Also don’t worry. He has 6 siblings, it’s much worse than 4, he knows what you mean when you say you are tired!

Beelzebub would join you to watch differents shows or animes, but make sure there’s food!

I’m sure you would enjoy the time that you spend together! He can be very adorable and careful. Maybe he would invite you to the gym or hiking (or maybe to do judo), but reward you with a kiss for example.

He would make your day better for example with a romantic dinner or to just go out and watch the sunset with a picnic even if it’s the day you don’t like, so he tries to get your mind off it.

Leviathan would join you if you want to play games or listen to kpop. Of course while this make sure you give food to Beel to make him less jealous. But he is not the most jealous type, so really there’s not much to worry about.

Furthermore, if you don’t want to wake up early, he would stay in bed with you and cuddle. But sometimes Belphegor would be a better partner for this and he would treat you as his sister.

He would hold your hand until he falls asleep. Think about that!

Chemistry and Math is definitely not Beel’s favourite ones as well. You better get help from Lucifer or Satan! But Beel won’t judge you based on your grades!

He would laugh at your jokes, and try to make you laugh too!

He wouldn’t judge you and say mean things to you because he would really value you and you would mean the world for him beside food.

He needs emotional support though.(SPOILER depending on where you are in the story) Sometimes he blame himself for some mistakes. Thats why it’s nice that you are emotionally mature, he definitely needs someone he can rely on emotionally as well.

Also he will make sure that you don’t think about what others think of you! He loves you the way you are!

He is the youngest, so you can be childish together!

He is pretty flexible and confident, so no turn-offs so far!

He is the tallest one so I think you would look super cute next to him (he is like 205 cm lmao)

I think he is really patient and actually encouraging so hanging out with him will definitely boost your confidence!

I think in canon he never really had any relationship before either, so it would be amazing to learn about relationships together!

I think theres no thing like “thats not how it is in real life”, you just have to keep looking. Fortunately Beel has similar values as you, as he can be shy and that makes opening up to someone hard - meaning the friendship can last some time before you establish a relationship. A healthy relationship is based on being best friends with your partner, so I think you are on the same page.

Maybe sometimes you and Belphie would team up to prank him, what do you think?

He definitely adores that you care for yourself and that you are stylish! Asmo probably knows more about these than Beel, but thanks to Asmo’s influence Beel will suprise you with how much cosmetics he can name!

So in conclusion he is a very supportive boyfriend, and you are also supporting him through the journey of healing from the past. A very cute relationship and you two can do anything together. He can get you do some sports and you can get him to watch some shows on rainy days. However food is something you both enjoy a lot, so restaurant or cooking dates are common! Even if you travel. Knowing that you can trust the other no matter what will boost the confidence of the both of you! He can be less talkative but that’s fine because you can talk! He is also rather optimistic, so there is a balance in that as well. Sometimes he might get jealous of Levi or Belphie if you hang out with them too much, but thats just something to have a conversation about. He is cool and rather chill, definitely gets along well with your family too, which is very important because both of you are family-oriented!

#om!#obey me #obey me!#obey me shall we date #om beel #om beelzebub #obey me beelzebub #beel #beelzebub obey me #obey me matchup #swd obey me #obey me swd #submission

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the-darkgod · 4 years

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i cant stop thinking about all the little ways my camp could have been more inclusive and how like, desperately i wish that i was a stronger person so i could go and help make a change but its kind of too late and im not really that kind of person so instead im gonna rant about it here (under the cut) bc ive got a lot of unnecessary thoughts but like

ok we had weekly dances each week and those were Exciting because you got to see ~boys~ and who didnt love that right? except for the (usually pretty small) group of people who ... didn’t love that, and didn’t really love these dances and we would usually just sit around outside and play cards or something (smuggled... kinda illegally lol they Really Wanted Us To Go Dancing) and i mean! there were fun things about it bc you got to connect w/ ppl from different camps and stuff but like .. man do i wish that they had the option for people to just stay in their tents that night instead and like, do a chill night where maybe we’d do other fun things and like! only one counselor would have to stay yknow bc ik most of the kids loved this but itd be so much better if they offered the option of like, not being out so late?

bc like, these dances would go from like to 12 or smth and it was always A Lot for everyone and the next day we’d have to get up at 7 again and everyone was just!! so tired!! and we were like, btwn 11-14 i think like i wanted to sleep!! i mean even just having a counselor back at where our tents were to supervise that wouldve been so good bc like... then when ppl get rly tired earlier than noon they can just... go back to the camp and go to sleep, yknow? bc we dont Need to be forcing people to stay awake that late??

ok and then also we had to do these like ‘date night’ activities in the evenings and it always made me so uncomfortable i mean it did forever and then as i got older and was like then Super Into social justice and lgbt rights and also embacing myself more as a Not Straight Person™ it was even worse but like!! god it was so bad. i felt so isolated bc i was not interested in dating and these were so uncomfortable for me to participate in and like, just unnecessary!! it put so much weird pressure on relationships btwn genders and like none of the kids liked it and like! you can have the gendered camps intermingle or w/e at some events but dont make it weird!!

like we had to do the worst kind of dating games too it was So Weird im just cringing thinking about it like. it was unnecessary to do then and i was uncomfortable then but then looking back im even more uncomfortable bc like!!! we were children!!!! literal children!! omg!!!!

if i ever have time or confidence or motivation i want to figure out a way to set up like, an lgbt network for this camp. i mean its a scouting group so it is bigger than a camp and like, honestly it would help to know that there are other gay scouts like this bc like... when i was going to camp there the only thing i heard about was a counselor who came out as gay and then was fired and like, man that was heartbreaking to hear. i was writing fun fluffy ship fic once and was terrified that someone would read it and see that it was gay, once i had a camp counselor who had a rainbow guitar band and that felt like peak representation right there. i mean i really had nothing from that community, and since it tied so heavily to my culture it was all the more heartbreaking to feel so isolated from it.

i hope that things have changed since i was going, i mean it’s been like 5 yrs since i left and times have changed outside the camp and people my age who i know are accepting and progressive are now the counselors and heads of the camps. but it was still a bit shocking and a wee bit painful to see them standing excitedly next to their “date night” signs, talking about how cute it was. i wish there was some slightly more understanding, some support, or something. i wish i was still so much more actively involved so that i could be that person to a kid who may need it, but im not sure how. i think its too late, but at the very least, i hope that there is some change. i hope for something

#alex speaks #this is SO long omg dont read it #it started off as a nice rant about not wanting to go to camp dances and then led to feeling excluded as a lgbt person #so like that was fun

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serenagaywaterford · 5 years

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5) Honestly, imo it would made a lot more sense if Serena got involved with the Resistance after 2x08. She's a writer and a good propagandist, June's an editor, they could carefully go behind Fred's back. Also, Commander Lawrence is there. They could have brought down Gilead from within. Maybe I'm being simplistic, but I think it would have given a nice msg. An instigator (and impassioned supporter) of a misogynistic (and homophobic) totalitarian regime becomes a victim herself, but decides to

6) to do sth about that monstrous situation she created, even if that means that she will go down with Gilead. Then again, I do understand why the creators didn't go there. This is the handmaid's tale, not the redeemed fascist's tale. Regarding 2x10, oof. I pride myself in having a hard stomach, but that scene made me REALLY, REALLY uncomfortable (and ENRAGED). (A lot more uncomfortable than the previous ceremonies, which were terrible enough on their own, AND Eden's death* .) And given that

7) Serena has the gall to tell Fred that June hates him, because he raped her. Like bitch, stfu, it was YOUR idea! You raped her and used Fred for the penetration. And not only that, but she manipulated Fred/played him like an instrument. She knows at this point that he's a serial rapist/abuser AND in love with June, so ofc he wouldn't decline the opportunity to abuse her once again. It really is telling that June was screaming Serena's name, not Fred's. I wonder wtf was going on Serena's mind

8) to put the baby's life in danger. She could have punished June after the birth if she really wanted to. That being said, I personally think that Serena was kind of OOC in that episode. Not because she's an angel that is not capable of such hideous things. But, after taking under consideration 2x08 and 2x09, I felt that her 180° change came out of nowhere. Especially, since she took a small taste of her own medicine. She knows what abuse/domestic violence feels like. As for the marital rape,

9) it may have been clichéd, but it would also have made sense. A person that repeatedly rapes a woman, beats his wife and is okay with mutilations draws the line at forcing himself on her? Since when do creepers have standards? One last thing, because I've spammed you enough. *I mentioned Eden's death (which made me cry like a baby). How do you feel about her? Bc was disappointed that the fandom blamed a 15 year old child that was forced to marry a man twice her age. Not only that, but she

10) forgave him and kept Nick and June's secret? // END OF RANT // My apologies.

---------

I think I have to put a read more here! Eep!

“Then again, I do understand why the creators didn't go there. This is the handmaid's tale, not the redeemed fascist's tale.”

I had to laugh IRL there. Cos, it’s true. It’s June’s story, technically speaking, not Serena’s. And I dunno but I feel like I suspect that’s where they eventually want to take the show. But S2 is too early for that? I personally don’t know why. There’s no law an American programme must go one for 14 seasons. It could easily be a 4 season series. Or 3! But I’ve read things that Hulu wants to keep it going as long as possible. Huge mistake, imo. Organically speaking, Serena changing course after 2x08, or even, at a push, 2x09 would have made much more sense than this “will she? won’t she?” BS they keep doing with her. I think she’s come around in a way she hadn’t before by the finale (or Eden’s murder). But it still doesn’t seem like it’s something she’ll carry through with--especially without June. It’s interesting how much Serena relies on June for incentive/encouragement. Basically everything Serena’s done in resistance since mid-S2 has been because June has done or challenged her or said something to prompt her. I feel on her own, she would be ~meeker. Even things like, “Hey, so I know this way to possible save the baby... what do you think?” is clearly her going “Please say what I want to hear!” It’s like she can’t just do it herself. She needs June’s input. June was calling almost every shot in 2x08. In 2x09, when left to her own devices, Serena folded. It took June screaming at her in 2x13 for her to do anything about reading. So, without June around I feel like Serena will just go back to old ways. Which is ridic cos she is an intelligent, powerful woman when she actually has the balls. The only thing Serena manages to do on her own is assault, hate speech, and war crimes lol. The easy shit.

That said, I kinda like how they ended 2x08. I loved Fred seeing the rose on June’s bedside and putting all the pieces together and seeing that as the true threat: Serena and June as friends/partners in rebellion. The beating scene was horrific too, mostly cos I’m not one of those weird fans that was sitting there cheering, “YAY I’M SO GLAD SERENA GOT BEAT! SERVES HER RIGHT!” (I just... want to throttle every single person who’s said that. Not necessarily cos I wuv woobie Serena sfm but because way to miss the point of the entire series.) but the aftermath was even worse, imo. June reaching out and attempting to maintain the bond, but Fred managed to break Serena really easily. Like it’s just so awful how easy it was for him to snap that bond, cos he knows his wife and her pride, etc. It was ... so manipulative and evil genius. (Although it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, Freddie boy.) It was just such a prime example of exactly how they maintain power in Gilead and how they managed to get it working: estranging women from each other. And it was just such an apt way of visualising the concepts June talked about in S1 about keeping women at arm’s length of each other, suspicious, etc. in order for men to keep power. So, in that sense, I thought it was well done. But then... I was like, “OH FUCK THIS. NOT AGAIN. FUCKING SERENA. WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT. WHY CAN’T SHE BE STRONG LIKE JUNE. UGH.”

I dunno.

Yeah. 2x10. I was “lucky” to have seen that scene ahead of time... so I was prepared when it happened during the episode. But it was still repulsive. Aside from the nonsensical writing of the whole thing, it was just gross. And I think maybe you’re the first person that when talking about this has mentioned how grossed out you are by the other Ceremony scenes. So many people just... don’t really mention them. I remember the article about 2x10 and how the showrunners were saying something along the lines of “Is it really that big of a deal when the same thing has been happening the entire time?” Nobody reacted the same way those times, because the Handmaids are quiet and well-behaved during their rapes, even though, on some level I think Serena and some other wives (IIRC) are completely aware of how terrible it is (Serena even admits as much...but does it anyway uuuggghhhhh.) This is the only time June ever fights back and suddenly not only are Fred and Serena faced with the brutal reality of the act but as the audience we are as well. It’s easy to look the other way when nobody is crying or struggling but WHAM. Fuck that. This is gross and horrible and here is what it REALLY is. And it’s hard to swallow.

June crying Serena’s name was probably the absolute worst part, cos it just makes it crystal clear that everyone knows exactly who is responsible for that rape. June knows who has the power, whose idea it was, and she knows the only one to stop it is not Fred. (God, I fucking hate Fred but like you said, he was totally played by Serena. I don’t let him off the hook for it but really it was her idea, 100% and he just thought “Hell yeah! Sounds good!”)

I feel like as much as Serena understood the Ceremony is pretty bad generally, I don’t think she recognised it as “real” rape until that moment. I feel like a lot of those Gilead people are just so willfully blind and selfish and horrible that they actively refuse to see things. Like Serena’s weird ass enthrall about child brides. I know some of that was to get back at June but she seemed genuinely awed by how beautiful it all was. NO BITCH IT’S NOT. IT’S CHILD ABUSE AND SEX TRAFFICKING.

I just have given up trying to understand why Serena would do such a monumentally STUPID and DANGEROUS thing if she honestly cared about the baby--which, incidentally, I do believe she truly loves Nicole and babies. As crazy as that is. Even if her love of Nicole specifically is totally a self-centeredness. But she loves babies. Babies above all else apparently, including other women. And she’s not an idiot. Baby health aside, that is a HUGE crime in Gilead to rape a pregnant Handmaid for any reason. I’m supposed to believe Serena is just so massively upset about June’s false labour that she goes mentally insane, even after being subjected to the similar treatment like a week earlier? It’s a huge, nonsensical risk on basically every single level.

I’ve come to the conclusion, considering all those things you did, it was just bad writing. Her 180 just... is bonkers. I give up. I don’t think there’s any way to logically get from 2x08/09 to 2x10 without taking some leaps. Do I think Serena would punish and abuse June for humiliating her? Absolutely. That’s her MO. She lives for that shit. But rape? It... I dunno again. Fucking weird. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or what, but I do find it interesting that after that Serena never raises a hand to June again, when she had some opportunity. She still punished her by separating her from Nicole but she never physically assaults her again. (Not that I’m saying she’s a changed person or anything. I just thought it was curious but I don’t know if it was deliberate on the show’s part or just a symptom of lack of real opportunity.)

ITA re: the marital rape too. I see no reason Fred wouldn’t escalate to that. It’s all Joseph Fiennes fault. Which is probably what pisses me off the very most. He decided that was just too much for his character? C’mon. That’s too much but what Fred does in the next ep is peachy keen? Oh, right, because in 2x10 we can blame Fred’s behaviour on his evil wife. It’s not really his fault. I see. But you can’t blame Serena for him raping her. Ugh. So, cos, Fiennes doesn’t like it, we lose way more context for Serena--who, lbr, is the more important character in this whole series out of the two of them.

EDEN. OMG BB EDEN.

I’m with you. I was actually pretty disgusted at fandom’s response to her. SHE IS A CHILD. But all these Nick/June shippers were going hogwild attacking her for getting inbetween their precious self-insert fantasy relationship. (I have a particularly low opinion of Nick/June shippers primarily because of their reactions to Eden, tbh. Before that, I was like whatever, each to their own.) This is a story about women and girls in a horrible society, and the focus seemed to be on tearing apart this female child for something she had zero control over. I never got the “Eden is evil and gonna fuck shit up for Nick (and June)!” vibe. She seemed to be a regular girl caught and raised in a misogynistic awful place and just lost. I absolutely ABHORRED the way Nick treated her the entire fucking time. (I honestly hate him so much, and most of that again is due to him since the forced marriage, both in the way he was with Eden and with June. And the number of fangirls fanwanking away all his shitty fucking behaviour and throwing Eden under the bus didn’t help my attitude.)

She’s a KID. FORCED TO MARRY A GROWN MAN. A man who it wouldn’t kill to just be straight up with her and a little bit kind. Fuck. (Serena’s grooming certainly wasn’t good either. Like, seriously lady, shut up. Stop pressuring the kid to fuck an adult man who hates her by telling her “Well maybe you can like it too!” AHHHHH.)

To me, aside from the babies/children, Eden was the most truly good character on the entire show. She was patient, kind, caring, FORGIVING, loving. Completely innocent bb girl. And then she gets fucking murdered for kissing a boy she actually likes and wants to be with. Which, was ........... wow. Gilead’s hypocrisy killing a pious young girl, presumably fertile... Yikes.

And that little girl was more brave than ANY other character. And maybe some of that is teenage thinking but still she was staring down death and refused to back down. Sure, it’s unreasonable, and an adult likely wouldn’t have made that decision... but also what was her option? Repent... and become a Handmaid? That would have been her fate since she’s an adulteress and fallen woman. And since she truly believes in goodness, and God, and Heaven (presumably), she sees it as a way for her and Isaac to be together. Meanwhile, it took a literal death sentence for Nice Guy Nick to actually recognise he could have maybe been a bit kinder to her. Then she’s asking for HIS forgiveness. AH. Eden bb.

I have a lot of feelings about Eden, and the way fandom treated her. Even when she was killed, fans were still calling her stupid and annoying for her choice--likely the ONLY real choice she has EVER had for herself. (I think that concept gets forgotten.) Like WTF sort of world do you live in that you watch a show about fascism and female oppression and turn around and bitch out the YOUNG GIRL strictly for being a young girl in a fascist society?

But hey, this is the same fandom that calls Janine annoying and crazy, and says Serena deserves to be beaten and mutilated by her husband/Gilead. Way to miss the point of the entire show. But that’s a totally other rant for another time, heh.

Also, anon, NEVER APOLOGISE FOR YOUR RANTS. They are so wonderful to read cos I completely agree! And it’s just such a relief to see reasonable people around these parts.

#rants and raves #Anonymous

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survivorarabia · 7 years

Text

EPISODE 12 “Ruthie Is Literally My Mum” - Emmott

Ruthie

Alex, you've got more than everyone else combined. YOU CAN STOP ANSWERING ALL THE QUESTIONS NOW. I LOVE YOU BUT GEEZ. <3

Alex

Final 6, baby! And actually, because I won, Final 5 baby! The plan for this round is to take out Emmott, simple. Nobody trusts him, yadda yadda, fifth verse same as like the last four rounds. But what I'm doing this round is setting in place the groundwork for Final 5. First of all, Lena's Idol. That's a problem. It could lead to 2/5 of the Final 5 being immune, and I have no guarantee that I'm gonna win Immunity next round, so I could be one of three vulnerable people that round. If that's the case, that's not good for me. I also have to consider at this point that my strongest opponent at FTC is Ruthie, right? So I have abandoned ALL MORALS, FOLKS, because guess who's coming for Ruthie next round, it's me, I'm a monster, here to slaughter your faves. I trust Richie enough at this point that he's not gonna vote me, and that I can talk him into a Ruthie vote should Nicole and/or Lena be immune next round. What I have to do is plant the seeds in Lena's head that a) she should play her Idol this round because b) Ruthie is coming for her...which is not entirely untrue! The argument I'm gonna use is simple: Ruthie is paranoid (true, backed up by her behavior during blind week) and is concerned about being vulnerable at 5 (true, even if I'm projecting my own feelings onto her), so she might try to assemble a blindside on Lena now (false, but she doesn't need to know that). Then, at 5, I can get a 3 or 4 person vote on Ruthie, bam pow, Alex slides to the end, beats Lena and whoever else is there, is a monster but still wins.

Alex

WHEW, Nicole woke up and started to play! Apparently she was all up in Richie's ear last night about the Lena/Ruthie/Me threesome and how she and Richie needed to grab Emmott and force one of us out of the game. Girl you do MIND It is MY JOB to tear apart this alliance! Not yours! Stay in your lane! Apparently she's backed off it, which is too bad, because really she should try it. See what happens, girl. Luckily I have utilized this info to aid in the flushing of Lena's Idol so hopefully there will be at least one bright spot in all this. I think it might just work, honestly.

Richie

IM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M LITERALLY IN PSYCHOSIS... my mind is literally one of those kermit memes where its like me: shut up, you have your Family 4 alliance you've been with since week 2, you love them and you should vote out emmott because he's messy and erratic and theres no loyalty there then the kermit in the hoodie aka neurotic me: BITCH YOU HAVENT MADE ANY Big Moves™THIS GAME YET, ALEX IS THROWING YOU UNDER THE BUS TO EMMOTT, YOU CAN'T WIN AGAINST ANY OF THESE PEOPLE HERE START FUCKING SHIT UP!!!!! ughhhhhhh i feel such a close bond with the family alliance where i dont want to turn on them bc i like them but also bc it will be SUCH a betrayal that if i'm the one to turn on them and i make it to the end i don't have their jury vote... and nicoles my girl i dont want to vote her out either she's been coming to me trying to make moves and i want to because its her but then im like i want to vote out the person in her position but i dont think its the smartest to vote HER.... i hatee last night nicole came to me and was like "lena/ruthie/alex are going to steamroll us in f5 lets vote out either lena and ruthie" and i was like hmm.... i thought nicole and ruthie were super close thats sketchy also this whole game i've been trying to play up my distance from the khiana people so i can maintain connection with the fawz people to get information so i can keep myself and the people im with in the loop and safe so its cool that i'm not seen as really a part of that 3some when this whole time its been us 4..... but still so i was going to rat nicole out and use that to turn the family against her but then i was like.......1) nicole gave me a receipt of ruthie saying something about a group chat which i deduced was a group chat between lena/ruthie/nicole, this is a total assumption and wild guess based on minimal information, but still if thats true and this is just nicole trying to get me to say something to get them to turn on me that would suck so i'm nervous to go to lena/ruthie with this and 2) i dont think going to the end with ruthie and alex is smart so maybe im keeping my options open with nicole for selfish reasons bc i dont want to close that door just yet then today emmott came to me with receipts of alex telling emmott that i was aware of the fact that ruthie/alex were lying to emmott/issy about voting me out last vote and that i was just playing emmott (TRUE) and alex straight up told emmott about our alliance in a CLEARLYYYYYY transparent attempt of getting on emmotts good side for a jury vote by being honest and putting the blame on other people... AND I DIDNT LIKE THAT @ALEX!!!!!! if i just shut up and vote out emmott i'm guaranteed 4th place and from there i have to rely on my social game to take me to the end and get me a win because i've been playing this game but in a way that isn't easy to see on the surface and in a way that ORG juries dont want to hear about.. people want BIG MOVES but thats not smart everytime someone in this game tried to make a big move they were voted out.....I HATEEEEE THIS.... if i do try to make a move tonight i either get caught and get voted out 6th place or succeed at that move but piss everyone off and make a target of myself/lose jury votes.... but if i dont make a move tonight people will think im just this floater that helped hand ruthie or alex the game..... https://images.sobadsogood.com/21-gifs-proving-russia-is-the-most-bizarre-place-on-earth/3.jpg

Emmott

okay so i thought i had no hope this tribal! i was excited becuase i had this awesome speech prepared to drag everyone to hELL! but instead Saint Ruthie came to me <3 I actually love ruthie so much, we had a call and shes so precious and amazing and sweet and nice and caring and oMG!!!! I LOVE HER!!! AND SHE HAS AN AMAZING ACCENT! But she told me she is voting Lena, and she's gonna get other people to as well because Lena has an idol!! oooooooo honestly, lena is no threat to me, and i would probably usually go tell Lena that people are coming for her and to play her idol. but instead, im just gonna leave it this time, because it backfires 50% of the time. im just gonna leave the vote as lena, and let ruthie work her magic! another thing when issy left, i went on bit of a dramatic rant AHAHAH in the tribe chat AHAHAHHA saying she was robbed. and N*cole and L*na made snarky comments at me!!!! ew im perturbed! i hope this works tho wow imagine alex is also spilling all info and tea to me and putting blame on other people, so that he can vote me off and have my jury vote :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) silly smart guy! if he didnt have immunity i think i could have got him out but yoloswag he has immunity and it's these people's fault who are going to get voted out by him and have to vote for him at f2/3 that are at fault. they never flipped with me earlier so I HOPE THAT THE DOOR HITS THEM ON THE WAY OUT (im lookin at u richie especially) okay bye

Ruthie

Today has been utter and complete CHAOS of the best kind. I began the day with a message from Nicole asking if Emmott was okay, and I agreed, and Lena of course agreed too. And then in our The Family alliance chat the others seemed to want Emmott also. So we were all agreed and it was all good, but then Alex privately brought up a good thought... Lena's idol. We want it to be flushed so we could have a chance to play one next week but we didn't know how to go about flushing it. Little did I know, Nicole decided to play the game and start throwing my name around. (I STILL LOVE YOU NICOLE <3) and she told Richie- who in turn told Alex that Lena, Alex and myself were in an alliance together, which I'm not sure how she found that out, I'm guessing that Lena maybe told her. Nicole had already warned us that we might be hearing things and I figured this kind of thing was what we might start hearing. So, Alex told Lena (SO MUCH TELLING GOING ON, GOD.) some things to make her maybe want to use her idol tonight and we had this conversation: [11/29/16, 1:29:03 PM] Alex (Xalxe): and I have no time for it frankly, do you mind, we’ve been playing all game over here [11/29/16, 1:36:25 PM] Alex (Xalxe): Wait holy shit I just realize we can use this. I can give this to Lena instead of giving her your name and she might play the idol [11/29/16, 2:54:03 PM] Ruthie ❤: YES!!! That would be amazing!!! That's good thinking! [11/29/16, 2:54:34 PM] Ruthie ❤: How did Nicole know that you, me and Lena were together I wonder. [11/29/16, 2:55:18 PM] Alex (Xalxe): It is a mystery to me [11/29/16, 2:55:28 PM] Alex (Xalxe): who knows, she might just be grasping at straws [11/29/16, 2:56:40 PM] Alex (Xalxe): even a broken clock is right twice a day [11/29/16, 3:39:19 PM] Ruthie ❤: Omg, that's going to be my new favorite quote. <3 [11/29/16, 3:39:39 PM] Ruthie ❤: You're right though. [11/29/16, 3:39:58 PM] Ruthie ❤: In a way I'm excited she finally started playing but UGH [11/29/16, 4:05:10 PM] Ruthie ❤: LOL. Lena just messaged me to ask "hey, are we okay?" [11/29/16, 4:05:20 PM] Alex (Xalxe): Oh she got my mega-message then, good [11/29/16, 4:08:21 PM] Ruthie ❤: Yes good! Operation: Flush Idol is in action. [11/29/16, 4:08:49 PM] Alex (Xalxe): :) Then..... the chaos that led to my phone call with Emmott happened... [11/29/16, 4:09:30 PM] Ruthie ❤: She's writing me a mega message now. [11/29/16, 4:09:44 PM] Alex (Xalxe): okay if she sells me out she’s dead to me [11/29/16, 4:10:31 PM] Ruthie ❤: I can't wait to see what she says tbh [11/29/16, 4:10:50 PM] Ruthie ❤: I AM SO GLAD WE TRUST EACH OTHER. [11/29/16, 4:11:35 PM] Alex (Xalxe): This would be way harder if we didn't [11/29/16, 4:15:52 PM] Ruthie ❤: It would! [11/29/16, 4:16:09 PM] Ruthie ❤: And oh god, I have a lot of receipts for you. [11/29/16, 4:16:15 PM] Alex (Xalxe): oh boy oh boy [11/29/16, 4:17:01 PM] Ruthie ❤: I FEEL SO BAD SHOWING YOU BECAUSE I LOVE LENA SO MUCH, but you're my Alex so So of course I showed him all the receipts... SORRY LENA. :( [11/29/16, 4:08:18 PM] Lena McKenzie: I heard that you're worried about my loyalty :( [11/29/16, 4:08:29 PM] Lena McKenzie: But I have an idea... and I want to know what you think. [11/29/16, 4:10:39 PM] Lena McKenzie: I want to go to the final 3 with you and Nicole. I love Alex but none of us have ANY shot against him if he gets there, and that's not to say you or I or Nicole haven't played great games. He just has survived this entire game after being a target the entire time, came back, etc. I want one of the three of us to win. It would be great for Alex to win but I want one of us girls to win.. I know that sounds horrible but Alex really is calling all of the shots in our alliance and has been doing so the entire game. I really hope you don't say anything to him about this but I wanted to let you know that is what I'm thinking. I am loyal to the Old Farts and I am loyal to our alliance with Nicole, but Alex wins no matter who he is against at the end.. [11/29/16, 4:12:17 PM] Lena McKenzie: I honestly think you could win this if we go with Nicole. I want to win and I would happy with Nicole winning.. But I'm 98% sure you would win if we go to the end, and I would love to see you win. So after I told Alex we kind of came up with a brilliant idea. :)... [11/29/16, 4:29:16 PM] Ruthie ❤: Okay! Who should we tell Emmott to vote or is he voting me? -.- [11/29/16, 4:29:21 PM] Alex (Xalxe): I dunno man [11/29/16, 4:29:30 PM] Alex (Xalxe): I haven’t talked to him since this morning [11/29/16, 4:29:34 PM] Alex (Xalxe): tell him whatever [11/29/16, 4:31:41 PM] Ruthie ❤: I just messaged him and he replied quick but I don't even know what to tell him, lol. [11/29/16, 4:31:56 PM] Alex (Xalxe): shrug [11/29/16, 4:32:27 PM] Ruthie ❤: I'm just asking if he's voting me. [11/29/16, 4:42:53 PM] Alex (Xalxe): Can you get him to vote Lena? Then she sees that people really are/were targeting her? [11/29/16, 4:44:36 PM] Ruthie ❤: Yeah, I could do that. I'm almost thinking I should vote with him, she wouldn't expect me to do it. Is that a crazy idea? [11/29/16, 4:44:46 PM] Alex (Xalxe): I was thinking the same thing don’t take my thing [11/29/16, 4:45:21 PM] Ruthie ❤: BRAIN TWINS. [11/29/16, 4:45:46 PM] Alex (Xalxe): Anyway yeah sure you go ahead and do that, we don’t want 3 votes on her accidentally [11/29/16, 4:45:51 PM] Alex (Xalxe): I’ll vote Emmott [11/29/16, 4:46:14 PM] Alex (Xalxe): Unless she starts talking about moving the vote away from Emmott in which case we can’t risk a split I AM SUCH A BAD PERSON, I do feel really guilty for this and I don't want Lena to go, and at this point I still wanted Emmott to go. My next worry was how I could work a bit of magic on Emmott. I love the boy dearly but he is SUCH a loose cannon, which has worked for him this far but I really didn't want anything I said to get out to him, and knowing him it probably would have... oops. I saw that he messaged me, and I finally answered... [11/29/16, 4:35:16 PM] emmott young: Well everyones saying my name so [11/29/16, 4:35:57 PM] emmott young: Im not even gonna try [11/29/16, 4:41:41 PM] Ruthie ❤: :( :( :( [11/29/16, 4:42:27 PM] emmott young: You just must feel very comfortable getting to the end with alex still in the game :/ [11/29/16, 4:42:40 PM] emmott young: Because I asked him, and he felt pretty comfortable having you around. [11/29/16, 4:50:35 PM] Ruthie ❤: If I vote with you for someone can you for once not say anything about it? BECAUSE I heard you told people we voted with you last time. :( [11/29/16, 4:52:13 PM] emmott young: Of course omg!! It's not like you exactly stuck to your word either, though. Last time, I only didnt vote Richie because once Richie went it was definitely going to be me and issy next. Alex told me you had no intention on voting richie! But ill do anything at this point, i swear! [11/29/16, 4:54:27 PM] Ruthie ❤: Okay, whew! Who do you want to vote if you could vote for anyone? (Besides Alex since he's immune.) [11/29/16, 4:55:11 PM] emmott young: Anyone!! Whoever you wanted! ...before pondering over what to do for almost an hour before I finally had the brilliant idea of calling him! If we talked on the phone I could sound more sincere about it all and more importantly he couldn't show the receipts to anyone else. And also, I figured that MAYBE it could get me a vote from him in the jury... I must admit. I'm such a bad person, I can't even, I feel more and more like a villain each day, oh well. [11/29/16, 5:19:05 PM] emmott young: Do you have any one in mind? [11/29/16, 5:28:11 PM] Ruthie ❤: Can I call you? I don’t want to type it out because somehow what I tell you always seems to find it’s way around the house. :O :O <3 [11/29/16, 5:28:41 PM] emmott young: Of course ahahah! I promise I wont snitch! [11/29/16, 5:29:10 PM] Ruthie ❤: Whew, okay! Hang on! [11/29/16, 5:29:20 PM] emmott young: Hanging! So I called Emmott and OH MY GOSH Y'ALL. HE is so adorable, I can't even with him, HIS ACCENT IS SO CUTE! And he liked mine too! And I'm literally always so awkward with people on the phone, SO awkward but talking to Emmott was easy and I admit it, I probably told him WAY TOO MUCH. First I made him promise not to tell anyone that I told him to do this but to vote Lena and I gave him my word that I would vote her too. And I made him promise not to freak out and go around telling people that I was voting for her and that he needed another vote or two, to just let me handle it, and he promised. He is literally so sweet, he told me he was going to ignore everyone on messenger and I feel like such a bitch right now for doing ALL of this. Lena trusted me with ALL of that and I ran to Alex. Then I went to Emmott and told him I was going to try to keep him when obviously I'm just spending all this time writing my confessional, whoops. Oh... and on call I also might have let it slip that Lena had an idol. Which is also another dumb move on my part because Emmott can't keep a secret to save his life. Anyway, that's where I am today. I'm personally sitting in a good spot and I can't wait for a bit of chaos to ensue when Lena learns that TWO people voted for her... tonight's tribal is going to be so much fun! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LENA AND EMMOTT, I'm so sorry when you guys read this. <3 ALSO I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE DENYING I'M GOING TO DO WHEN YOU SEE THAT SOMEONE ELSE VOTED FOR YOU QUEEN LENA.

#survivornightmare #masstag #confessionals

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