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goldenamaranthe-blog · 28 days

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Redeeming the First Man?: Vaggie & Adam

-KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!!!!!-

Vaggie: Alright! Alright! Fuck! Calm your tits! I'm coming. (Answers the door and face falls)

Sinner Adam: (grumbling and obviously pissed off but tries to play it off by being douchey and arrogant) Ha! Took me long enough, but I finally got you to cum, Vadgie!

Vaggie: ......Heh...

Sinner Adam: Huh?

Vaggie: Hehehe...

Sinner Adam: Don't you start!

Vaggie: (doubles over in laughter) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH!!! OH, THIS IS RICH!!! OH, FUCK!!! I CANT- I CAN'T BREATHE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! THIS IS RICH!!! YOU!!! OF ALL PEOPLE!!! COMING TO THE HAZBIN HOTEL!!!

Sinner Adam: .......I guess I deserve that.

Vaggie: (leans against the doorway as she continues to howl with laughter) YOU- YOU- HAHAHAHA!!! You look like Guy Fieri and Limp Bizkit had a bastard lovechild with horns and that stupid mask!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sinner Adam: Hey! Don't knock Limp Bizkit like that!

Vaggie: Sorry, Fat Ass. Hell's Kitchen is down the road. You might find it over by Flavor Town! Hahahaha!!!

Sinner Adam: (steaming)

Lucifer: Everything alright, Vaggie? (Sees Adam and immediately wheezes) HOLY FUCK!!!! I think you're in the wrong place, buddy! The Limp Bizkit lookalike contest is on the NORTH point of the Pentagram!

Vaggie: (high fives Lucifer)

Sinner Adam: Oh, you fuckers-!

Charlie: Guys, what's the hold up? Is there a sinner wanting to be redeemed at the door or not? If so, you shouldn't be laughing at them- (face falls)

Sinner Adam: THANK YOU!!! At least the little girlie understands!!!

Charlie: Pffffft!!! *snort* (turns to the inner hotel) Who ordered food to be delivered by Guy Fieri!?!?!?

Sinner Adam: Oh, FUCK ALL A Y'ALL!!!! I'VE GOTTEN MORE PUSSY THAN ANYONE IN THIS STUPID PLACE!!!

Lucifer: Pretty sure I stole both of your girls.

Sinner Adam: YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #charlie #vaggie #lucifer #adam #sinner adam #boy got some brass balls to be going to the hotel and expecting them to just act like nothing happened #why do i always make vaggie do that slow giggle to manic laughter?#lets give the douchebag a chance #i wish tumblr kept the yellow color

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drunkdumbfucker · 13 days

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Yearly reminder that yes, Jushiro is still enjoying his quiet days in the countryside as a retired Gotei 13 captain™.

he still lives in Ugendo because after all he was the one who built these quarters and there's enough room for all his family to chill at his side on random days now that they can barge in at any moment without any care about any third seat's wrath

and it's far away enough from the thirteen squad barracks that he doesn't feel like intruding, but if anyone ever has any need of his advice they can knock at his door or leave a note, even dozens of years after he retired

he's learned to bake pies.

tons of pies, tons of flavors, but tooooo many pies.

I'd like to imagine Jushiro with tons of nieces and nephews at his side, they're his most fervent listeners even though their parents have all warned them that he's full of shit. they won't believe anyone, Jushiro's the most serious and nicest of adults. (they're all at least 500+ years old but boy oh boy are they naive when it comes to Jushiro's quiet wrinkled smile and serene walk around the pond) and most of all he's the most generous of all (he gives so much food and stuff because the nieces and nephews all have kids of their own and oh my god those are the most spoiled)

if anyone visits Jushiro in Ugendo on any given day, there'll always be a kid bouncing on his knee, enamoured with the beautiful white braid resting on Jushiro's shoulder.

then somehow Shunsui will appear

"no no no I don't have any meeting my dearest!!!! what do you mean you have read my schedule?? haahaha it's a fake schedule anyhoo let me hold this wonderful face of a papoopeepoobaby!!!"

and yes Shunsui WILL appear at any given time! because Jushiro's grand-nephews/nieces are his own too and

Shunsui is Captain Commander but everyone knows he's been wanting to retire for years too, and it's always been about temporarily filling the spot Yama-ji left empty

and he's been more and more less here, slowly preparing everyone for the moment he'll step down. Everyone understands the situation. Who gives a shit about responsibility, nobility, logic? Shunsui's payed his debt to a thousand, and he shall pay it to the end of his days because one does not step down from being Captain Commander just like that. He'll always be there for the Gotei.

But all in all, everyone knows, it's all about Jushiro, and how even Jushiro pays away his debt by attending captain meetings or helping out squads in need of urgent back up or even holding classes at the Shin'o Academy. It seems everyone understands deeply how their origin can't even be found etched in stone, the first tales of their deeds have disappeared around drunken murmurs and apologetic rumors. Time set it all on fire, bits by bits. So much knowledge dusted away, and only the mirth in their glances will hold witness of such existence.

So of course, if any newcomer dares comment on the way the 13 Squad's former captain has no place in the current affairs of doing, because it's none of their business now that he's retired, of course they'll receive an informal spanking and will instantly be taught respect.

AND of course if anyone dares criticize Shunsui's laziness, they'll be laughed at because haha hahahahaha the Captain Commander's the least lazy person in the world so who the fuck are you to even say that??

I need the entire shinigami population to finally recognize that these two bitches are old and deserve some rest. They deserve to enjoy quiet days in the sun, eating juicy strawberries stolen from a sibling's garden, shutting off the entire spiritual realm's pressure so they can cloudgaze and pick at each other's perfect lips.

Jushiro's retirement's just an excuse for Shunsui to join retirement too.

I need them to spend so much fucking time babysitting everybody's kids because they are the best and they enjoy kids so much, it's not even a chore gosh oh my good look at this fucker Jushiro she's walking look look LOOOOK!!!!!!

and "ah I'm sorry my love you're feeling a bit tired let me hold her, is everything alright?" and yes of course everything's perfect because they're together and they're still alive and they can finally rest easy now that the Seireitei's safe and in good hands so no worries if Jushiro's a bit tired and will nap all afternoon because now there's no obligation for him to stretch himself thin. It's all good.

the kid will fall asleep too and that's it

#shunuki #ukitake jushiro #shunsui kyoraku #bleach #daily reminder that i'm still not over these two mdroghroihfuckers #i love them so much it hurts #makes zero sense but i stand by these points

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xamaxenta · 5 months

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AAAAH anon who asked for this literally going INSANE over this like dkdndndnd

Sorry I guess I’m just a sucker for wet pathetic little creechur Sabo but I can imagine him fucking recounting the story on 4chan

>be me

> raised by revs who found me injured as a child

> spend all my life not really worrying about my past life and trying to repay the revs by training super hard

> no social life no bitches just direct action

> high position at young age

> Never met anyone outside the army so become 20 yo virgin with no social skills

> suddenly remember my past life and my 2 brothers who I love more than anything after reading about them in the news

> one of them dead the other missing

> fml

> pass out for days literally crippled by guilt and pain

> start collecting news clipping of my dead brother just to try and find a connection to him and who he’s become

> whole office filled with pics of him

> spend my free time looking at them and brooding or crying

> colleagues start to get worried and whisper about how I’m losing it and my office is like a fucking shrine

> best friend subordinate suggests I try jacking off cause maybe it’ll “get your head out of your ass and stop you from living in the past”

> decide to give it a try

> only place I can get some privacy is my office

> try to get into it but all I can feel is my bro’s gaze on me

> strangely arousing

> starts going at it like crazy while crying cause I miss my bro but also this feels crazy hot

> most satisfying and pathetic nut of my life

> wash my hands and try not to think to hard about it

> end up doing it again and again

> find and eat his devil fruit so now I can light my hand on fire and pretend it’s his

> subordinate gives me strange looks cause some of my bro’s wanted posters are getting sticky

> ignore it and keep doing it for two years

> learns that bro somehow came back to life and is hiding on some remote island

> flies there bawling my eyes out thinking about all I’ve got to say to him, how much I missed him, how I owe him everything and want to be reunited with him and reclaim the bond we had as kids

> anticipate how overcome by emotion I’ll be when our eyes finally meet

> how will it be ? will happiness take over ? Or will I mostly feel the grief of being apart for so long ? Will it be love ? Bitterness ? Regret ? Guilt ?

> reach the island

> finally see him

> instantly get so hard I almost pass out

Idk how to face him anymore guys this is so embarrassing what should I do ?

HOWLING SCREAMINF LMFOAFJBS

ME TO U HAHAHAHAHA CRYIGNG LOSING IT THE 4CHAN FORMat iS INSANELY FUNNY

i absolutely hate the idea of Sabo 4chan BUT I CANT HELP IT ITS TRUE HE WOULd 20 yr old virgin biggest blue balls gets horny cuz aces wanted poster was smirking at him LOLDJAODNABD

DECEASED

#HERE LIES XAM 17/11/2023 #PATHETIC WET BEDRAGGLED SCRAGGLY SKINNY VIRGIN CREECHUR SABO LMAO DJ DN

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localcanadiancryptid22 · 21 days

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Author's note: The divine couple have a nose kiss in the start :]. Renny is short for parent,a mom/dad term for non binary people. I rushed through the ending because i want to sleep but also wanna end this chapter lol,so i fast forwarded it.

ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟚: A dinner date and a demon bunny disaster

////////////////////

Remy and Mars laugh lightheartedly while gently touching their noses together,leaving the house after opening the door.

"Okay kids,you have to behave for your oldest sister so that she doesn't lose her mind,me and your renny won't be back in a while as we're going to focus on us for tonight" Remy says to his darling angel children while Jojo is scowling from having to deal with 10 younger kids for the night.

"Okay we'll be good!" Randy and Rowan say to their father Remy in unison then mischievously smirking soon afterwards.

The other kids nod in agreement as well. And with that,Mars gives ALL of their adoptive kids goodbye kisses and then closes the door,going to a fancy restaurant with Remy.

"Okay now as usual,we'll be following some strict rules that will result in punishment if they're not followed-" Jojo says to her siblings but then she gets cut off by them all trying to tickle her.

"AGH AGH WAIT STOP AHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHA STOP IT I NEED TO ORGANIZE YOU ALL UGH HAHAHAHAHA" Jojo exclaims ,annoyed while being tickled.

"Never." Danny and Momo say to her while proceeding to tickle her harder.

Meanwhile Remy and Mars are having fun at the restaurant,eating some good food kissing and also collecting people's souls/making others fall in love with one another.

"Ooh marshy help me get this one. She died from a broken heart aka suicide after a nasty breakup,maybe you could give her some advice before i tell her the news of her actually being dead" Remy says to Mars while pointing at the blonde haired teenage girl nearby.

"Alright then baby." Mars says to Remy and then they go over to the girl,tapping her shoulder. "Hm?." the girl says to Mars,confused by the sudden interaction.

"Hello madam. I can sense that you have gone through some love troubles recently. Perhaps i could offer you some advice to help get through them." Mars says to the girl,who nods in agreement.

"Okay.. My name is abigail. My girlfriend was being a real douche to me last year because her popularity as an influencer got into her head,with her treating me like her video staff that she keeps bossing around and invalidating all the time. And uhm.. it was okay at first as she treated me like her girlfriend on occasion,but then she got more and more abusive as time went on,so i tried to break up with her but i had a nasty fight with her which ended up in me getting a lot of bruises from her punches,and i only officially broke up with her after yelling "WE'RE OVER BITCH" while running away from our apartment. And even then,after everything she did,i still loved her for some fucked up reason. I got so depressed from our separation after realizing that i still loved that bitchy fuck,and so.. i killed myself,or tried to as it failed. I jumped into a lake and purposely put some gag in my mouth so that i could die,but i woke up near the lake and then came here. So that failed heh." Abigail explains to Mars,who just stares at her in horror.

"Oh dear,i'm so sorry for what you had to go through Abigail. Well.. if it makes you feel better,i went through the same thing before meeting my lovely husband Remy. And i was able to overcome it by making new memories with friends,accepting that my asshole ex will never love me back now that they've changed,and trying to occupy myself with my job hobbies as well as trying to improve myself instead of thinking of that bastard." Mars says to Abigail,who smiles upon meeting someone who understands.

"Thank you you are a good-" Abigail says to Mars and she tries to hug them but then she gets cut off by Remy walking over and grabbing her by the shoulders.

"You're dead. I'm sorry to break it to you but you're actually dead. You "waking up" was just your soul coming back to earth after your body died." Remy says to Abigail.

"Wh-Whuh. I'm dead?. Are you the grim reaper or something?." Abigail says to Remy,knowing how this kinda stuff works. "Yeah. You're dead and yes i am. Let's go to the afterlife Abby." Remy says to Abigail then teleports her to the underworld (what afterlife is called in this universe).

"How rude of you. We were having a moment Rems." Mars says to Remy,frowning as they're a bit annoyed by what Remy did.

"I know,but i was too excited to eat our food and spend more time with you. Since it's our first date after we've finally gotten time off from our human jobs. A little interruption would be fine if it was to be with your awesome and dashingly handsome husband right?~." Remy says to Mars,trying to rizz up his spouse and turn their attention back to him.

Mars blushes from Remy's flirty tone and then they smile,kissing Remy on the cheek.

"I guess so. Let's go eat our food Stud." Mars says to Remy who they drag back to their table,with remy blushing from the stud comment.

///////////////////////

Jojo has stopped being attacked with tickles by her siblings,so now she's making sandwiches for all of them.

"Sissy can i have just the bread?." Rocket says to Jojo with pleading eyes (they 🥺) and then Jojo gives them the bread.

"Hey jo help me with this science project. I don't know chemistry for shit." Fox asks Jojo.

"Wait i'm making everyone's food." Jojo says to Fox who just rolls her eyes from annoyance and keeps doing the project by herself.

"Bunny butt,you're ugly." Danny says to Jojo,who ignores the comment and continues making the sandwiches.

"Big sis do babies come from trees?. My classmate told me that they do." Phoenix asks Jojo.

"No. They come from the sky,storks and stuff." Jojo says,annoyed from having to make very specific and detailed sandwiches while talking to everyone.

5 minutes later and Jojo is going insane from the talking while making sammies for her siblings. She then turns into a demon bunny and wrecks the place due to sheer stress. She growls and screeches,with fox trying to help her turn back somehow.

"Hey! Hey! Stay calm Big sis,Stay Calm! Or you'll destroy the house and Dad will be really mad." Fox says to Jojo,who continues being her monster self.

Meanwhile Remy and Mars are being in love and talking to each other about themselves in the past.

Fast forward to a few hours later and now the two are home,to a surprisingly tidy not destroyed house and a normal sleeping Jojo. Remy passed out from drinking too much whiskey.

"Woah. The place is sparkling. Well done kids,i hope you all didn't stress out your sister too much." Mars says to their adoptive children,with Fox nodding in agreement whilst laughing sheepishly.

"Yup. Everything was totally A-Okay before you got here. All good. Ehehehe.." Fox says while hiding the broken furniture in a trash bag.

"Right.. I'm going to ask Jojo herself tomorrow then when she wakes up. And if her answer about what happend here before we arrived is 'chaos',you're all grounded." Mars says sternly to Fox,with the other kids looking at her annoyed since they know they're all going to be grounded because it's her fault (not really they just wanted someone to blame lol).

Mars then takes Remy to their bedroom,while Fox takes Jojo to hers,everyone else goes to bed after eating the dinner Jojo premade before the sandwiches and then wake up,grounded. The end,for now. To be continued...

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seokka0o · 6 months

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You know the drill, I see stuff on your blog i wonder what you think about said stuff and wei!

so phone sex and dumbification x wei hard hours please!

How are you doing? I am always thinking to text but i got SO busy! So sorry 😪

- 🐹

I'm always very happy to receive good feedback hahahahaha you're amazing anon, I hope you're resting well in your free time, and other than being tired, I'm fine. I'm not going to do something extremely detailed because I just wrote to someone else about it, and as I'm afraid of leaving everything the same, I'm going to do it a little differently! I hope you do not mind.

☆ Daehyeon

It's something he schedules piously, phone sex It's one of his conditions so that you don't touch yourself on your own, especially because he hates it if you do it without his strict command. And even when scheduled, you need to beg him a few times to skip his work even a little to call you. And humiliates you because you can't contain yourself for a few days without him without wanting to climb the walls with so much accumulated horny.

☆ Donghan

At this point you must have already understood that donghan and daehyeon are more of the same, just changing the cruelty refinements. Sometimes he's just being casual, and then suddenly he's saying one of the biggest atrocities, provoking you so much to the point of leaving you floored, certainly at this point he's already been touching himself for a long time, offending you kind of turns him on, Treating you like nothing more than an object to be consumed, someone with no ability to think when it comes to him.

☆ Seokhwa

I included Seokhwa precisely because he is in Wei's sadist part. Normally he doesn't care about time, wherever you are, if seokhwa is demanding phone sex, then you should give him: "now start touching that pussy, I want to hear your sounds" he is there for commands, neither even one good day and then you'll be cumming in your pants in the next instant, "dumb bitch, at least you know how to do it right" he's so delicate 🥰

This is where I get to the part where the biggest himbos on the face of the earth appear!

☆ Youngha

Of all three he can consider himself the smartest, youngha is addicted to phone sex, if he doesn't do it at least three times a week then he's not complete. Youngha always separates a moment from his day so that you can call with more peace of mind. You don't have to do much other than insult him until the next generation and then he's cumming on his abdomen.

☆ Yohan

Yohan only calls you when the situation is out of control, most of the time he hates to bother you. But sometimes it's impossible to contain it, so that's when he calls you practically crying, asking for forgiveness for his bad behavior, begging you to do something, then humiliate him at will, he's such a stupid, impulsive, low-maintenance man, but If you treat him with a certain acidity he may end up cumming too quickly for your taste.

☆ Junseo

Junseo...our eternal pervert. Junseo has a serious problem understanding certain commands, when you call him on and you're already practically cumming, he takes a while to understand what's happening, so you need to get clear on what's happening and his porn addict's head goes right away, he even There's a pillow with your name on it, which he uses on special days, and when you do that kind of thing, that's when he puts it to use, while you're calling him stupid or dumb for never understanding anything, that's where Junseo is tearing the pillow apart.

#🐹 anoni #wei smut #wei hard hours #daehyeon smut #daehyeon hard hours #donghan smut #donghan hard hours #youngha hard hours #youngha smut #yohan smut #yohan hard hours #seokhwa smut #seokhwa hard hours #junseo smut #junseo hard hours

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chronicallylatetotheparty · 4 months

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Perfect Paradise Ch.13: I'm Just Your Average, Ordinary, Everyday Superhero

"Adrien?"

"Yeah, Gregor?"

"Chloe Bourgeois is here to see you."

"..." Adrien paused in his cooking, the bacon in the pan flopping back in. "Chloe? That Chloe?

Gregor nodded, looking just as confused as Adrien felt.

"... Okay."

"I told her you're busy but she insisted. Should I send her away?"

"No," Adrien turned off the stove, removed his apron and made his way to the foyer. "She came all the way from New York. Might as well see what she has to say."

Chloe wore the latest style everything. Including a pair of heels that technically weren't even on the market yet. Bracelets that matched her purse and a short jacket to complete the look.

She looked every bit the businesswoman that had successfully completed a hostile takeover of her mother's company.

Her makeup kit snapped shut as she heard him approach, lifting her gold rimmed sunglasses onto her head. Eyes widening slightly as she had to look up at him. "Adrien. You look... comfortable."

He was wearing jeans and a loose fitting T-shirt. "Thanks. You don't."

"Small price to pay to look this gorgeous." Chloe flipped her long hair. "It's been a long time."

"Twenty-six, almost twenty-seven, years."

"Yup. Love the hair."

"What're you doing here Chloe?"

Chloe sighed as she took a deep breath. "I... I've been getting counseling. Since I took over Style Queen from dear old mom."

Adrien blinked. "Oh. I'm happy for you. Really."

"Thanks," Chloe fidgeted with the strap of her purse before forcing her eyes back to his face. "It made me realize... That I was a shit friend."

"...What?" Was Chloe- No, not after all this time.

"I was a bitch to everyone but you, you were my friend. My first real friend. But I was too busy thinking about status and treating you like... like an accessory. A prize."

Oh my god.

"You were the only person who believed in me and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. Appreciated it like I sh-should've. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you like I should've."

Adrien's mouth parted in a small gasp.

"And I'm sorry for treating you like shit. I don't expect you to forgive me, I just felt like you should know."

"Heh. Hehehehe. Hahahahaha!" Adrien covered his face with one hand.

Chloe pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling. "Okay, that's all I wanted to say. Sorry to bother you." She turned to leave.

"Wait." Adrien took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. It's just, out of everyone, you're the last person I expected a sincere apology from."

Chloe scoffed as she caught onto the unnamed persona non grata. "Well that's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous."

Adrien smiled. "Thank you Chloe. That means a lot."

"It was overdue," she shrugged. "Saw your divorce on the news and the memories came rushing back like they happened yesterday."

"I hear that." Adrien was often plagued by memories. Even memories of things that never happened.

"Congratulations, by the way."

"Huh?"

"On your divorce."

Adrien felt something warm glow in his chest. "Oh." Oh. "Thanks," he smiled.

Chloe held up a hand to shake. Switched to a hug then thought better of it. "Take care of yourself yeah?"

"You too."

With a nod Chloe turned on her heels and strode out the front doors.

Adrien's vision blurred. He wiped his hand against his eyes and it came away wet. "Ah, shit." He rubbed the moisture out as best he could.

"Adrien?" Gregor asked as he rematerialized. "You okay?"

He gave Gregor a bittersweet smile. "Yeah... Yeah, I think I am."

(Read the rest on AO3)

#adrien agreste #chloe bourgeois #ml #miraculous ladybug #Perfect Paradise #ml au #ml fanfic

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liviavanrouge · 5 months

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Crazy

Livia: His unique magic didn't affect me

Everyone: *Looks at Livia*

Fellow: You...huh?! B-But-!!

Livia: I figured out that you've been using your Unique Magic since the beginning

Ace: Livia......are you saying you let us go through this...

Livia: I mean, thought you guys could learn a lesson

Vapula: *Laughs* IDIOTS! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Livia: Anyway, Fellow your power didn't affect me at all...

Fellow: But how...

Livia: Malleus Draconia placed a barrier on me that protects me if it thinks I can't protect myself, the shield coated my body during our first meet and that's how I found out about your unique magic

Leona: Star Hunter.

Lilia: Livia Garcia Vanrouge

Trey: Pipsqueak

Vil: Potato Cub

Floyd: Catfish...

Livia: *Flinches, and looks away guilty* Sorry, I guess I should've warmed you guys

Ace: You guess?!! BITCH, you should've dragged us back with your dang thorns!!!

Livia: My bad! I'm sorry!!!

Ace: YOU'RE CRAZY! OH MY SEVENS, YOU KNEW AND DIDN'T EVEN THINK TO TATTLE ON THIS GUY!

Lilia: Livia, your mother raised you better than this

Livia: Sorry, I really am, to be honest I thought some of you guys noticed...

Ace: Like I said, YOU'RE CRAZY!

Kalim: Hey, she apologized! Forgive and forget!

Ace: UH-UH! I'M GONNA FORGIVE AND REMEMBER!

Lilia: Livia, we shall discuss more when we get back

Livia: *Sighs* Yes, Bat Dad...

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alannybunnue · 8 months

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Sisterzoned/Friendzoned...hahahahaha! "Sorry Rhaenyra, I only love you like a sister." " Sorry Rhaenys, i like you only like a sister. The one I like is Visenya (Best women)." " Sorry Queen Nymeria, I only love you as ruler and don't see your as future wife." "Sorry Cersei you are Jaime sister, I like you like family." And as Bonus "Yes Helaena, I love you too." (She is best girl)

PRINCESS NYMERIA APPEARS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE WORST SCENARIO XD

Ok we have 4 crazy bitches and Helaena, guess who is the best choice in this scenario?

#ask #a song of ice and fire #house of the dragon #game of thrones

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june-again · 10 months

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i read this as "liked these posts from june, again?"

LIKE I WAS BEING SCOLDED BY TUMBLR FOR LIKING YOUR POSTS AGAIN AND AGAIN LOL

i was like damn ok, won't do it again ig???? but then it hit me 😭😔

sorry im a bit dumb asdfgjkl

HELP AHAHAH IT'S GIVING "this bitch again???" HAHAHAHAHA

#june's asks #valeriwa's input #i also like that there is an entire tab on tumblr dedicated to Me :)#i love june (me)#well IM not scolding you for liking my posts again and again. you are welcome here #LMAO

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its-chelisey-stuff · 9 months

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hahahahaha I can't believe the evil grandma became one of my favorite characters and now I have to watch her die :(

Okay. I know she is an awful human being and got an alarming number of people killed. Is she a bitch? Yes. Did she deserved to pay for her crimes? Absolutely. But she's also the most consistent villain of the show (and tbh one of the most consistent characters overall). She knew what she wanted and how to get it and made no apologies about it. Queen behavior, literally lmao Also, I loathe villains who lose their claws at the end and beg for forgiveness. Get out of here with your last minute personality changes. No. Just no. If you're gonna be evil, be evil until the end. "Yes, I did it. And I'd do it again. I am not sorry." *claps* That's the villain I like to see.

hahaha not the bosom friends excuse, I've heard that one before...

Sure, the woman was a jealous one. Her husband was in love with someone else, and she got mad about it. Plus, this other someone had a capable nephew (Ziyuan's dad) that most likely was a better fit for the throne. And she felt like this was her son's position. So she did what she had to. And I'm not defending her, but she was real fun to watch.

Meanwhile, the other villains of the show are pretty meh. Di Cheng'en is, ultimately, not a real threat. The Ministers are cartoonish. I really don't know where they're going with the Emperor and it looks like MoBei (the princess' guard) is gonna end up being the main baddie, but like *yawn* he's so boring and I have no interest in him. He wasn't even in the novel lol

Plus, the Empress Dowager was right about Di Shengtian. What did she do when her whole clan was wiped out and only an orphan girl remained? She peaced out to the mountains lol

Goodbye, Queen. I will miss your evilness. Gone too soon.

#the legend of anle #cdrama #i have to make a post that makes me laugh #to distract me from the angst in the drama

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thenewfuture · 9 months

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The True Mikan...

Back then....what happened to me....is straight up, UNforgivable...!

I was trying to change, I genuinely was! It was during that Despair Disease bullshit that I hid myself in one of the motel rooms, but I couldn’t tie my kimono properly. Sonia suggested I go to the music venue because it had a mirror there.

But that sealed my fate...! When I got there, she...

----------------------------------

*Flashback*

Tch...! Stupid kimono, can’t stay tied! Whoever designed these shits should be squeezed by one of these so hard until their eyes pop...!

Whatever... I’ll just use that mirror like Sonia said.

*creeeeaaak*

Okay... Now where is it-

AAAHH!?

!!!!

*Mikan is in the middle of tying the rope around Ibuki’s neck...!*

H-Huh...?! Wh...What the....?!

HEY! What are you doing?!

Hi-Hiyoko... !Y-You’re...!

Wh-Who is that?! A-Are you trying to commit a murder!?

I....*gasp, gasp, gasp*, I...!

You BITCH! YOU SCUM! I KNEW SOMEONE SO FAKE LIKE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!!

I, I-I, I...!

You dirtiest of the dirtiest, pig infested trash! I’ll tell everyone! I’ll tell everyone just how much of a fucking worthless maggot you really are!

Hnngghh, hnnngghhh...!

OH DON’T YOU START! You and I both know the you’re fake crying right now! That shit is not going to fly with me! You are so fucking screwed when I get the others!

Unnngghhhh.....!

WELL?! SAY SOMETHING, YOU SKANK!

Aaaagghh, aagghhh! Hnnngghh, wh-who....

....are you talking to...?

Huuuuuh?! Is your brain rotting already, you little pig-shit?! I’m obviously talking to-

Who are you talking to..?

HEY! Don’t you interuppt me you cow! I said I’m talking to-

Who.

THE FUCK.

Are you talking to like that?!

H-Huh...?!

I’m sowwwwwy! Is yo bwaaaaain rotting or something? Hmmmm?

I asked you clearly. Where do you get off, talking to someone like me like that?

H-Hey...! D-Don’t you-

You must be pretty ballsy talking to me like I am now. Always mocking me, bullying me, degrading me, even now. Why did I let you do to me for so, so long, I wonder?

Well no more. Do you hear me?!

NOOOO MOOOOOORRRRREEEEEE!!!!!!

Ah, ah!

*Hiyoko tries to run for the door, but-*

Mikan: No you don’t!

*Is quickly captured by Mikan and held in a seated full nelson position!*

HELP! HEEELLLPP! SOMEBODY SAVE MEEEEE!

It’s useless. Don’t bother. No one is coming to save a whiny crybaby like you.

Now I have you all to myself. Ahahahaha!~

*Shiing!* *Mikan brandishes a scalpel and directs it towards Hiyoko’s neck*

Hnngghh, ahhh, haaa...pl-please..don’t kill me...

Hmmm? Speak uuuuup. I can’t hear yoooouuu.

Pl-Pl-Please...! Don’t kill me, don’t kill me, don’t kill meeeeeee!

Stooooop? You want me to stop? Why would I do that? You never stopped when I asked you to. No one did. Why should I? What have you ever done for me?

Don’t kill me... Please, oh please, don’t kill meeeeeeheeheeee....

........

Say you’re sorry.

What?

You heard me. Apologize. Right now.

Y-You must be crazy if you think that I-

Ah, ah, aaaaaah. One wrong move, and my hand just might sliiiiip. And you wouldn’t want that, do you?

So, apologize. Get to it.

*hic*....*hic, hic,*....I.....I’m sorry...

Good, good girl~

Now what are you sorry for?

Huh?

You have to be specific! How else am I going to know what you’re apologizing for?

Oh, come onnnn!

*Shing!* *Mikan brings the scalpel closer to Hiyoko’s neck*

What are you sorry for?

I...I’m sorry....I-I’m sorry for bullying you so much...!

Good, good. Aaaand?

I’m sorry for calling you names like, trashy skank and pigshit.

And?

F-For writing all over you...

And?

F-For threatening to tie you up, a-and bopping you...

Aaaaaaand?!~

I’M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING! FOR CALLING YOU USELESS AND THAT I’M THE HELPLESS AND ANNOYING AND UGLY ONE!

Ahahahaa! HAHAHAHAHA! Yeeessssss!

I-I...I apologized... S-So please....l-let me go....d-don’t kill me...

Hmmmmm. You did apologize. Buuuuuuut, you never let me go when I did the same.

So fair’s fair that I only do the same to you.

BYE-BYE!

Hiyoko: WAIT, NO-!

*Shing!* *Splutter!*

----------------------------------------

All your deaths were quick....! She made mine long and tortuous, she made me relish in the fact that I was going to die!

I. CAN’T. EVER! Look past that. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HER!

#danganronpa #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa 3 #hiyoko saionji #mikan tsumiki #the new future #jabberwock island arc

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thygoddessouijathicc · 10 months

Text

Phone Dave Chapter 3: Steven

(Steven in this AU is such a bitch I love him)

Jack had been trying to interact with Dave for a week.

Neither had been successful.

The restaurant was in a back alley part of Reno, the customers who came were committed but with no employees… they had made all of $100 the entire week. 40% made up Dave’s paycheque for an hour.

The phone was a hard worker, for sure. Jack had never seen a phone who… well did half as much. But he couldn’t do everything.

There was only one option with how Freddy’s was run. Animatronics. They needed workers but couldn’t afford them until they had any actual income. Any animatronic would do.

And for that, they needed funding. It would be easy if they could just scavenge, but Freddys was so profitable that there wasn’t anywhere to get them.

The restaurant was doomed. That much was clear.

“Mr Kennedy… Mr Kennedy wake up…” Jack shot back into the present.

“WHUH!?!”

“Mr Kennedy, you zoned out like an idiot in the middle of my question.”

“Sorry… s’ good weed.”

The phone sighs in exasperation. “Sir, we have a member of upper management coming in an hour, get ready.”

Right… Dave set up a meeting without asking to try to get funding.

Jack stands up, scattering the empty pizza boxes, cigarette packs, blunts, and empty bottles that covered his body on the ground.

Dave suddenly makes a dialup noise.

“What?”

“MR KENNEDY WHAT THE H-HECK!?”

“Hmmm?”

“SIR… SIR YOU’RE-!”

“I’m what?”

“YOU’RE HECKING NAKED!!!!!”

“What I’m… SHIT FUCK I’M SORRY!!!” Jack says, quickly covering himself with one of the boxes.

“J-just be decent for when they get here.”

…

Jack walks out of the office in his usual horrible outfit of a green coat covered in sequins with both a tiger and leopard pattern on it, skinny jeans, cowboy boots, no shirt, and a terrible blonde wig that looks like it could have been alive.

Dave glares at him with no eyes.

“What I’m decent.”

“YOU’RE SHIRTLESS.”

“I’m wearing a tie.”

“ITS GOT HOT-WHEELS ON IT!!!”

“My finest garment.”

“AT LEAST STRAIGHTEN IT OUT!!!”

“Ahem.” Another Scott voice says. Both of them look to see Steven himself leaning against a doorway. “I hope I’m not interrupting… whatever this is.”

“Eeep! No- no worries Sir! We were just finishing our discussion… w-what brings the Company Representative himself down to our objectively terrible location?”

“Both of you used to work for me. Oh and my memory could be a LITTLE fuzzy but I also distinctly remember you both left me to burn to death in the wreckage of my location.”

“I… don’t remember that sorry. Quite fortunately I have yet to remember-“

“I don’t care.”

“Who pissed in your coffee…” Jack mutters. He remembers Steven not being a great boss but he seems to have gotten worse.

God he wished Steven died in the fire-

“I heard that.” The red phone states.

“Good because-“ Dave shoves his hand over Jack’s mouth.

“Hahahahaha… funny joke sir but let’s not insult the company representative. I’ll kill you if we go bankrupt Mr Kennedy.” He whispers the last part.

“Well. It’s good to see one of you has a brain. Now, are you going to keep bickering and wasting my valuable time or are we going to do something?”

“Y-yes sir I’ll show you around. Mr Kennedy will follow us and say nothing because I don’t want him to ruin everything and if I lock him in the janitorial closet he’d just escape.”

“I’m very slippery.”

“Right.” Steven sighs in exasperation.

…

“And here’s the Saferoom. You’ll notice a stark lack of blood! This is because we just opened, the quantity will rise.”

“Uhuh… and the moss.”

“It ate my cleaning supplies sir.”

“Seems like you hardly tried.”

“Uhhhhhh… moving on! This is the dining room. Mr Kennedy has employed… some kind of ghost? I didn’t question it because he didn’t question the lack of pay.”

“Ah yes, ghost Ronaldo. How predictable.”

“Y-yes sir! Next up we have the prize corner!”

Matt stares intently at the 3 of them.

“That concludes our viewing of the prize corner.”

“Thank god.” Steven says, seemingly actually genuinely thankful.

Understandable. Matt is horrifyingly.

“N-next is the dining area! It’s only got a few people right now… Mr Kennedy says they’re his friends. I think they are trash and are scaring away better customers.”

“Eh you just don’t get it Davey.” Jack says, throwing his arm over Dave’s shoulder.

“I barely tolerate this bizarre nickname you have given me in the first place, don’t push it by using a nickname of this nickname.”

“Davey~”

“Sleep lightly tonight Kennedy, sleep lightly.”

“If you two would stop having your lovers quarrel for 5 hecking minutes, thank you.”

“We are not lovers sir, I am the manager and he is the terrible owner, it would be highly unprofessional.”

“I’m technically your boss you know-“

“Rule one, you are not my boss, you are my friend. I do not see you as a friend however I will take this to mean that you are in fact not my boss, and are my subordinate.”

“COULD YOU TWO CONTINUE THE TOUR NOW!?”

“Don’t worry Phoney, I go this.” Jack says, cracking his knuckles.

“Oh no…”

Jack leads them down a hallway.

“On your left you’ll see our world class one of a kind Foxy Stripclub. There used to be more but they got closed. I was the reason they got closed. Now, as you’re both phones I’d bet-“

“Hahahahahaaaa Mr Kennedy is kidding. IGNORE HIM.”

“Well I mean you two could get up on stage yourselves if-“

“Pardon?” Steven questions.

“HAHAHA JUST KIDDING! One more word and you never walk again.”

“Anyway moving on from that is the ballpit! Music man has nested here.”

“Music man?” Steven asks, disgust in his artificial voice.

“He’s a beloved member of the Fazbender’s family.” Jack explains. “Next we have this little shitty playground full of tetanus that we stole from McDonalds.”

“It’s not that much tetanus… just enough to kill my annoying as heck “friend” here Mr Kennedy if he doesn’t shut the heck up.”

“Next is the bathrooms! They haven’t been cleaned since the 60s!”

“I… can smell that.” Steven says… phones can smell… noted… well I mean it’s not the first time.

“Ooookay… and our final stop… the stage! As you can see there are no animatronics! We need some. Can you please give us the money?”

A moment passes. “Hmmmm… no… no I can’t.”

“Oh that’s ok sir I-“ Dave starts.

“And why not?”

“See I don’t see this location being successful.”

“Dave’s a pretty good phone.”

“You know what… let’s be real here… IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW GOOD HE IS. This is a back alley location full of crackheads run by a pothead who’s recent twitter posts indicate-“

“Phoney do you follow my twitter?”

“-INDICATE THAT HE IS MAKING $100 A WEEK AND THINKS THATS GOOD. There has never been a less successful location.”

“What’s the harm in giving us one animatronic!? FUCKING BALLOON BOY! GIVE US FUCKING BALLOON BOY!!!”

“I wouldn’t give you a stick of gum.”

Jack glares at the phone, he glares back… then the door is kicked down by a man dressed as Candy a The Cat, he is carrying a gun.

“VENGEANCE FOR CANDY’S!!!!!!!!!” The man starts shooting at them, Jack manages to grab both phones’ arms and starts to bolt down the hallway to his office.

As soon as he makes it to the room he shuts and locks the door.

“Let me out there I can fight him.” Dave says.

“I’m not letting you get shot.”

“Life and Limb for the Fazbender’s Brand Mr Kennedy, that’s my motto.”

“I’m not letting you get shot.”

“I have a rocket launcher. I could-“ Steven starts

“I’m not letting you get shot.”

Jack starts to dig around in a large pile of takeout bags and rats until he finds a locker covered in Lightning McQueen stickers.

“Mr Kennedy, do you just really like race cars? Because if you do that’s fine but you could just admit that.”

“I will admit nothing.” Jack says as he starts inputting the code, getting it wrong.

“What… what’s your plan?” Steven says, still trying to sound intimidating.

Jack manages to open the safe and pulls out a gun. “I’m going to go get shot for your sorry asses.”

“Mr Kennedy I highly doubt-“

“Shhhhhhh.” Jack puts a finger over where Dave’s mouth should be.

“You know my mouth is under my dial r-?”

“Shhhhh… I’ll be back.” Jack blows a kiss at both phones and kicks down the door while yelling.

“He’s doomed right?” Steven asks.

“Oh yeah totally. Heck…”

…

“Hey bitches.” Jack says, entering the room covered in blood.

“Mr Kennedy! You’re… covered in blood.”

“It’s not mine don’t worry.”

“Did you ACTUALLY beat that Candy the Cat freak?” Steven asks.

“Didn’t kill him, it’s been like 12 years since I’ve killed anyone and I don’t want to break that streak.”

“But you did stop him?”

“Oh yeah I did.”

“Well… in light of recent developments I…. Ahem… have decided to grant you two unrestricted access to the condemned animatronic warehouse. It’s free… technically illegal… but hey you know the old Fazbender’s motto, Sweep it Under The Rug It’ll Probably Be Fine.”

…

The two wave as Steven gets into his car which Jack is totally not weird about.

“I see this not being the last time we interact. I’m sure you’ll be in dire need of help again.” Steven says. “Catch you on the Flipside.”

The man drives away, and Jack sighs and sits down in the parking lot.

“You know, I wouldn’t mind seeing him again Mr Kennedy.” Dave says.

“You know what Dave? Me neither.” Jack sighs, before passing out.

#dsaf #dayshift at freddy's #dsaf dave #dsaf jack #davesport #dsaf old sport #dsaf steven #dsaf phone guy #dsaf fanfics #dsaf fanfic #candy the cat guy #steve minecraft

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